#I’ll fucking write it just watch me
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demiromantic asexual riz gukgak save me… save me demi/ace riz who can’t distinguish his romantic feelings for fabian from his platonic ones
#the demi experience of ‘is this a crush or are we just really good friends’#yes im projecting shut up#not to mention fabian whose comphet goes so hard he can’t even consider the reason he’s constantly bringing up riz around girls#mazey ily but baby do not date that boy#this has me thinking about that sophmore year moment where murph implies riz stayed up all night to watch fabian dance in fallinel#like I’ll throw up wdym he didn’t want to dance but still stayed to be with fabian#maybe this is the day I finally open a document and write a little scene about that#because murph simply cannot insinuate that and just expect me to move on#like. sorry ? he was there all night just watching him ? no way that wasn’t a night of an intense examination of his life and feelings#not that I don’t love the idea of aroace riz#it just fucks me up so bad when I read into all the accidental subtext murph and lou add so casually#dimension 20#fantasy high#fhjy spoilers#fabriz
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waking up and checking the scarnash tag this morning
#are you kidding me#i was planning on spoiling it for myself on purpose so i’d know if it was worth it to watch bc i don’t have passport#Based on what i’ve seen i’m not sure it is. good god#i was working on a fic that i wasn’t going to post since s5 was about to come out but damn if they wrecked everything as hard as it seems#maybe i’ll post it and just ignore the canon of s5 completely#Do i bother to watch s5??? i don’t know#i don’t care about the new guy. why introduce someone and make him flawless bc you fucked up the first guy when u already have someone great#but i don’t really think they’d write patrick out of the show not because i trust the writers bc i dont#but bc i think i trust felix scott to not leave#so they can keep sending him off to places but i think he’d come back#cherry speaks#very jumbled thoughts i apologize#scarnash
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so it… looks like my aunt’s probably not gonna make it.
#ooc. o kaptain.#[I can’t breathe while I’m writing this. I can’t even see straight. I would do anything to just sit on the couch and watch hgtv with her one#more time. I would give anything anything anything for that. my godfather gave me the talk about how I’ll never ever be alone. and I know I#won’t. but please god. please for the love of fuck. please give me just this one miracle.]#death mention /
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In honor of one year since the tbosas movie came out, it’s time people finally admit it’s a terrible adaptation. Yes, you’re still allowed to enjoy it, ‘cause at the end of the day it’s a good movie, but saying it’s remotely close to being a good adaptation is a huge lie, when it completely fucked up the plot, all the characters, the symbolism, the themes, removed fundamental aspects and events of the story, and changed others as if it was nothing, completely missing the whole point and messing with it
#listen i never make hater posts let me have this for once#it’s been a year the novelty and excitement are gone#time to stop pretending it’s anywhere near good when it’s straight ass#again you can like it as a movie!!!#doesn’t change how bad of an adaptation it is#and that’s something that can be admitted while still loving the movie#if i had to make a post on all the reasons it’s bad three weeks and fifty google doc pages wouldn’t be enough#and that’s just after watching it one time i don’t even wanna know how many fuck ups i forgot abt or haven’t realized#obviously i’ll never write it cause i’d rather focus on stuff i love than hate#especially if focusing on the thing i hate would take up a lot of my time#but i can still make one hater post#the ballad of songbirds and snakes#tbosas#the hunger games
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The challenge is me trying not to drink a whole bottle of wine in one sitting and my ass fails 9 times out of 10
#had one of those days where work was Fine but the vibes were off#and had that two days in a row#and tomorrows my Friday so like#I’m just gonna get a little drunk and eat dinner and watch s2 opener of the west wing#and write some fic if I have the brain space#at the very least I will be brain storming#so ask me about fics if you feel like bugging me I’ll be tipsy and welcoming attention#it’s also So fucking hot this week#and I am just struggling til Saturday when the temp is supposed to drop like 15-20 degrees#so now I’m tired drunk and sweating :/ happy Wednesday
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started watching the new live action avatar
it’s. It’s pretty ok I guess? But there’s a lot of things I’m not altogether happy about. It feels very. Generic. Which is kind of sad.
I’m only two episodes in though, so I won’t be too harsh. But there are a few things that I really don’t like, and number one was Aang going into the Avatar State in front of Sokka and Katara for the first time when seeing Monk Gyatso instead of when escaping Zuko, and that moment being isolated instead of the moment everyone in the world knew the Avatar had returned
in the original series, Aang goes into the Avatar State when confronted by irrefutable proof in the form of the skeleton of his best friend and mentor - the airbenders really were massacred and he can no longer deny it.
every statue of the Avatar around the globe lights up in a single moment. the legendary figure’s destined return is announced to the world by an overwhelming outpouring of grief and rage from a young child who just discovered that everyone he ever knew and loved is gone. it’s poignant. the Avatar’s return in that moment is not a triumph. that terrifying show of strength and power, enough to light up the world in its glow, is pure emotional anguish from a small twelve year old, who just saw the dead body of his mentor and now believes he is all alone
and Katara and Sokka having seen the Avatar State before means that there is less of the shock and “what is happening” in this pivotal scene (which was the main focus in the live action). of course Sokka is still concerned about them potentially getting flung off the mountain. but both of them know this reaction for what it is - mysterious power, sure, but primarily, they see and recognize his grief.
I just. what happened to “we’re your family now” and “neither of us are gonna let anything happen to you”??? :(
on a side note, I do feel like Katara and Sokka themselves have been heavily (heh) watered down. it’s a shame. Sokka’s my favourite, and I just think that I. Don’t trust writers with Katara now. (Why is her waterbending a secret? The whole reason she didn’t learn was because there was no one to teach her and she couldn’t leave… also where is her instant connection with Aang… where is their silliness… where did it go…)
however! I did like a couple things that were done and I want to be a bit positive so here
love Zuko and Suki’s actors. they did a great job
Sokka and Suki’s training together was cute ☺️ (though I wish he had worn the uniform of the Kyoshi Warriors…)
Aang himself is adorable :) (wish he got to be a little more silly but Netflix adaptations always are more serious for some reason)
I actually kind of enjoyed getting to see some of the scenes from the war’s outbreak. I prefer the way the original show portrays it, with a lot of info being learned reverse chronologically, but it was cool to see Sozin, and some of the airbenders, and a little more of Gyatso (who I also really enjoyed :’) )
Katara bending water at Aang and it reducing to them splashing each other without even trying to bend. Rare sillies!
I thought Kyoshi herself coming to defend her island was pretty sweet!!!
Katara getting flashbacks to her mother’s death on seeing firebending. Well I don’t like this, obviously, but it clearly shows how her mother’s death haunts her, and if they have Katara face off against Zuko again at the North Pole, it’ll be all the more triumphant.
Suki’s mom!!! Damn she was so cool!!!!!!
#also whyyy was Katara not the first person Aang saw??? this is really important!!!#and what is Katara’s role here. She didn’t even seem to break the iceberg. That’s. That’s her whole. That’s. She. She kickstarts it. Gah.#Katara my beloved my sweetie I don’t know why your writing got fucked up in the comics and now here#you deserve so much better#also why no Aang and Zuko confrontation? hello? that’s really important???#they had him meet Iroh though. so that was actually pretty interesting#no agni kai between Zhao and Zuko either? maybe it’ll happen next episode?#ugh. I actually don’t like a lot of things. But I’ve only watched two episode so I’ll be chill and wait for more#storyrambles#atla#also this is just me being nitpicky but if we were going to actually see gyatso’s death (which. Idk it was more impactful not seeing it tbh#there’s this implication that gyatso may have broken his vow of pacifism since his skeleton was surrounded by tons of fire nation soldiers#implying he may have killed them#it wouldn’t have fit or made sense at the beginning of the show#but if they were going to show his death scene. Idk. Guess I just expected something more substantial#personally from what little we knew of Gyatso it actually does seem likely he’d break his vow if he really did die protecting the children#also. he was supposed to be the strongest airbender at the time. come on now. he just gets roasted?
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I think I would like it if the past 30 years really were just a dream shared between Beetlejuice and Lydia and the movie was just a highlight all of their personal fears being (unintentionally) amplified by Beetlejuice’s powers.
#beetlejuice#beetlebabes#look i kinda already was toying with the idea that it was a dream bc of the spoilers#but after watching the movie and walking away with more questions than answers (in regards to everything)#i am going with this answer for my own sake#maybe in the third movie things will be cleaner but who fucking knows#tim you can’t wait another 30 years to film this otherwise michael will be dead#do you hear me tim do not wait#i’ll write more i just need to think and organize my thoughts#and impressions#please hold
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So I was reading articles about John Hurt (as I do when I procrastinate on life in general lol) and I saw a still shot of a movie I’ve never seen still shots of before; so I looked it up. It’s a play. I was worried I wouldn’t find it in full online; but I did, so here it is in all its glory:
youtube
He’s just… ugh I want to gently hold his face in my hands he’s just so sad and lonely with his weepy voice and eye bags. I couldn’t process half of what he said but I think this is a warning about always speed-running through life to get to the next good thing. We should appreciate the moment; because in the end, we’ll have nothing at all but our memories. If we rush through life, we won’t have any memories to keep us warm at night when the chill of death creeps up on us in our old age.
Also, spool, spooooooooooollll…….
spoooooooooooooooooooooolllllll [cackles in mentally unstable]
@kaleidoscopr @theindo @possessedbydevils @randomtwospirit
#The fucking banana. I was talking to him through the screen like#“…a banana??? You keep bananas in…. there? You good man? A—are you okay?#What the hell are y—” [cracks up but quickly stops laughing] “Oh— oh honey… you’re not right are you?#No you’re not right. Uh…. Why don’t you sit down; your breathing sounds awful. You sound like you’re gonna die…#OH GOD [loses my shit laughing/cringing ] “Oh— oh ouch. No no no— I’m not laughing at you I just— I like your actor…#a lot… too much probably#and he’s just good at what he does and the timing of it all… this is exactly how I act when I’m home alone#I swear I’m not laughing at you… I just— PUT THAT BANANA BACK YOU’RE GOING TO KILL YOURSELF”#John Hurt#stage acting#Krapp’s Last Tape (2001)#Samuel Beckett#Yeah… funky stage play. Very moving and dreamlike#[This is me gently holding Mr. Krapp and rotating him in my mind like a bowl of ramen in a microwave]#Screaming crying throwing up beating the walls#I am unwell#Ough ough ough#It’s not difficult for me to watch per se#but I’m very much the kind of person who HAS to help when someone’s having a hard time doing something#— especially if they’re old or otherwise infirm — or I’ll feel like a piece of shit for weeks… and this fucking man#this fucking man is so good at being frail and pitiful that I feel genuinely agitated that I can’t reach into the screen and help him#It’s like the torture scene in 1984 all over again where he just barely manages to wrench himself upright on the table#then immediately falls off onto the concrete floor with the most tragic sickening bone-grinding splat you’ve ever heard#AND HAS TO HOIST HIMSELF UP ONTO HIS FEET ALL BY HIMSELF WHEN HE’S MALNOURISHED AND EXHAUSTED#Like ughhhhhh let me pick him up and wrap him in a blanket and carry him somewhere warm and safe and make him an omelette#And I know I write whump and I shouldn’t be this sensitive#but JESUS FUCKING CHRIST MR. HURT YOU ARE KILLING ME#Youtube
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Feel like there’s not very much attention paid to the S2 trauma of Tommy being coerced into use as an assassin.
(and, from a few of my notes during the S2 rewatch, the men he killed were sufficient to trigger great hostilities w Ireland; effectively he killed those men and (re-)started a war?) ‘The Chosen One’ / ‘I am Chosen’ / ‘May the Chosen One smoke?’
And then Churchill letting Tommy think he was being executed ‘Chosen One’ and crawling out of the grave owing his life to Churchill ‘I am Chosen’; the way Tommy asked for his last cigarette before that execution ‘May the Chosen One smoke’; his rage and disgust in both scenes, the coat on the meat hook and reminiscence of hanging…
The way he has to ‘give up on grace’ just prior to committing the first assassination, the way he has sex w Lizzie like eating a last meal he can’t even taste; the way he gives up on actual Grace as well as grace, just before he resigns himself to his own execution…
I mean, I’m nonsensical about it, can’t quite explain; at S1 it is a fairly hopeful ending; his personal ‘schemes’ for S2 reach high but aren’t wildly out of reach. To that point, when he’s killed it’s primarily been in the heat of battle.
But then he’s pulled off the street and forced to cold premeditated murder.
That first assassination he committed I feel did him some serious, serious damage, and that was the point that he did release any idea of ‘grace’ for himself, with everything that followed just further embedding that belief.
#I mean I just get really interested in the glossing over of what Churchill did to him repeatedly#these mini prompts have done much to re-enthuse myself to writing that Churchill dinner scene with Charlie watching his dad in confusion#Churchill fucked him from the first season and hasn’t stopped by S6#Mosley’s tame by comparison as that readily recognisable enemy entitling apocalypse#Churchill is subtle as the Establishment which must be preserved for the People at personal expense#Tommy saying ‘I’ll work more with Churchill’ as atonement/a good thing for murdering the Barwells gutted me#You want to know the enemy you’ll never defeat…the enemy you can't defeat because they’re as pervasive and necessary as air#Etc#I disliked the use of Churchill initially as Twee; as time’s gone on I kinda like it because we’re all predisposed to automatically put him#—as Good. When it’s a lot more grey than that.
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there’s something so epic about hetero chinese period dramas and i think one part of it is that there is absolutely nowhere in the narrative i could exist.
lately i’ve been on a western media detox— i’ve cleaned english language music out of my playlists and have never been able to stomach western dramas anyway, so that part is easy— which might seem funny, because if i’m in singapore and i hate it and i won’t touch american music then what’s left? the answer is the false binarism of chinese period dramas, at least for me. the badly written ones are misogynistic and stupid and the better ones are less of those things, but regardless the world that emerges is clean-cut and easy to parse. there’s someone to root for and someone to hate. there’s a girl and a boy. there’s the comedy and the drama, the sheer thick drama, the music that signals to you precisely how to feel before the scene even starts going
try to jam a fifth culture transnational transgender they/them with 2 mental illness and 1 autoimmune disease into this world and it simply doesn’t work. and that’s kinda epic lolzers! it’s like watching high fantasy, or super hardcore sci-if. it both represents a simulacrum of the real world and is so far from the reality you know that you understand it as a hypothetical universe, one that disincludes you on principle. i exclude myself from the story and in doing so fangfei from moyuyunjian’s steely gaze becomes all the more important. i give so many shits and laugh and yell and spectate. but i am safe from the eyes of its inhabitants. if i entered the story it would break. so i sit outside of it, clapping by myself
in other news, we gave up on mysterious lotus casebook 16 episodes in. there are many character archetypes in these shows that i can no longer stand; the salacious sexy seductive supervillain lady is not necessarily one of them but the way they did miss ‘this man didn’t even Look at me when all men fall at my knees so i hated him’ ‘no one is allowed to steal buttchin from me’ jiao was way up there. surely a woman can have multiple personality traits and yet you would think from this drama that that is not at all true. and the strange harem that grew around li lianhua despite his absolute loser attitude— like i get it, he’s the gintoki of this show, that’s hot, but the way the women who were into him were written made me want to Eat Horse. it bothered me that di feisheng and lianhua’s homo as fuck dynamic was so intriguing and them + fang duobing was a winning trio but all the women in the show were written like complete fucking ass, and one of the big antagonists being a woman, the stakes throughout were not only lost to me but also Pissed Me Off. also, that case about the corpse flowers dragged on forever and all my pocky wilted
I Just Think, women deserve better in these damn stories. make them slutty as hell, sure, but make them other things too and i mean this in the most generous sense. slutty and proud. slutty and weird. slutty and oblivious. literally anything at all so they don’t come out cardboard flat from all angles. this is why i have a personal vendetta against the ditzy clueless female protagonist as well because if everything stems from the fact that she doesn’t know shit it’s like please someone Please tell her shit i’m on my hands and knees begging. give her more to chew on she’s dying of boredom over there
this is why i liked the so called antagonist of blossoms in adversity best (spoilers ahead). he was cruel as hell to huazhi and gu yanxi’s only parental figure. he was paranoid and selfish and lonely and craved a son’s love from the one person he couldn’t hold onto. in the end he is pushed further and further by huazhi, who won’t give in, to isolate yanxi from the people he loves and to lash out at those people as a way of punishing yanxi. and when he dies it’s because of his own distrust, his own negligent parenting, his absent cruelty from decades of insomnia and lack of faith in his people. but he cries for yanxi, and there’s something so human about that. to think of evil not as a first principle but rather an adjective for a verb that is set in motion by other events. to be honest, i haven’t seen such thoughtful writing in any chinese period drama before or after that and i strongly suspect i will never see such writing again in this genre but man, it was so fucking good (spoilers end).
in the meantime, i’ve dragged my mother to moyuyunjian/the double for the return casting of liu xiening and wang xingyue who are Eating so hard. they’ve got wang xingyue done up with the sluttiest makeup and liu xiening is breaking my heart with her pout and her Sassy Mean constitution and this is a revenge story, yes, but it’s a double revenge story. it’s a grief story. and fangfei is carrying more on her shoulders than lingbuyi imo, and doing so with much more grace too. her step mom’s a dick but she’s a smart, 5d chess playing dick who wears hot shades of green so i’m personally interested enough to keep watching (something lotus casebook DID NOT accomplish with their epic female antagonist…. mein gotte). and the princess too. unhinged as hell but god, so charismatic. and beautiful, with scary big eyes and the sweetest head tilt. fun fun fun! that’s fun character writing right there. the comedy might be too straightforward for my tastes but everything else is kind of hot and sexy And after the coming of age ceremony when jiangli appeared amidst the flowers i felt my throat close up even though we saw her for all of one (1) episode). i was like yes. they got me alright. i Care now
really that’s all that matters isn’t it. we want stories about people we care for. we want to give a shit. why else would we listen to the stories of other people. we are looking for us and the people we love in them
oh also moyuyunjian soundtrack goes hard as hell i love a little three step waltz. here’s a pic from the ‘gym’ for ur time. guten night
#gelmo#i get so. i get so angry when women write ass female characters like fr ur kicking urself in the crotch rn#you can be innocent/clueless about The World and still be so compelling#thinking about guxiang from word of honor. she was goofy and oblivious but she also had Teeth#and she was strong! and had opinions and stuff#so important to have opinions….. especially in the pre internet age#i hage so many more thoughts on this topic but i took melatonin which should knock me out so#this is not a well organized argumentative essay this is just me yapping in an empty room#but yeah i was disappointed at lotus casebook. particularly given its high as fuck reviews#reviews? i mean ratings. and stellar reviews or whatever#also the ending (sans 24 episodes of context granted) was ASS i was like ??? it’s over ??? surely not#idk it didn’t work for me. glad it worked for some other homies. fang duobing let me rescue u and the dog from this shit ass story#anyway……….. i have been unable to listen to english language music in some weeks now#this is quite major for me. given my 2 year indie folk phase. but i need a break from america and the ideological west at large#no more taylor biden…. justin kahan…………#just my chinese drama insert songs nct 127’s sixth album WALK and jacky cheung#it’s true i keep landing myself in these spots where i’m sick of america and i’m sick of singapore so how are my friends (from these two#countries) supposed to approach me. well the answer is they are not the country but it’s trhe i am in one of those weird holes right now#glad i’ll be leaving in august briefly! watch me go. awooooo
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Ok I’m probably not the best person to say this, but I’ve been seeing a lot of (as of right now) accurate insults on how the CGI approach for the Live Action Little Mermaid movie, but please be mindful that you don’t take things too far, and *especially* don’t start going after Halle Bailey (Ariel’s actress) and to a lesser extent, Ariel the character.
Antiblackness is still an issue in a lot of fandom spaces, and it doesn’t just come out as using nasty slurs or stereotypes. It manifests as drawing Black characters lighter and/or with more white features, it comes out as removing Black partners from ships, and it starts out as plausibly deniable insults that get the door open to microaggressions and outright nasty comments.
I’m not saying that all discussion of the movie should be stalled, or even if it turns out to be an artistic failure, that it doesn’t merit discussion. I’m saying that you shouldn’t extend your vitriol to the characters and actors.
If you really feel the need to insult her, it might be worth a little introspection. Ask yourself, “Do I resent that they changed Ariel, or that they changed Ariel in this way?”. You’re not irredeemable if your personal answer isn’t kind. Just be more careful, try and observe how that sort of world view affects your behavior to others, and then course correct.
A lot of little kids would love to see another Black Princess. A lot of little kids would love to have a Black mermaid as a main character. Hell, a lot of adults would love those too. Black fantasy characters have long been excluded, transformed, killed, merely in the background, relegated to stereotypes, villainized and have hardly ever in the spotlight, especially in major productions.
Don’t make it harder for kids (and adults!) to see themselves on screen. Don’t ruin their wonder. So don’t make unkind comments. Keep it to yourself. Frankly, Halle looks beautiful, and I can’t wait to see the sparkles in her fans’ eyes as she swims across the screen.
#live action little mermaid#the little mermaid 2023#Halle Bailey#I’m a white girl but the concept of a Black Ariel is near and dear to my heart#my best friend in elementary loved H20:Just add water and introduced it to me#and she dreamed (at least half then#we haven’t kept in touch) of ordering herself a mermaid tail to swim around in#and I really hope that she has. if she didn’t fuck up a year of college like I did (she was damn smart so I doubt it)#then she’s likely just about to graduate#M I hope you get a great paying job and can order yourself a beautiful quality tail and live out that little girl dream#you deserve it. I don’t think you had near enough#black girl Magic growing up. miss you#i doubt you’re on tumblr but just in case you’re wondering#‘is that me?’ I’ll give you a hint:#I used to say floober doober instead of cursing when we played Mario kart#I mean I did start cursing heavily later. but at first I said that#in any case idk if you’re still into mermaids but we both know you would’ve loved to watch this movie when you were little#this was both spurred on by all the flounder posts I’ve been seeing and ‘A Song Below Water’ by Bethany C. Morrow#one of the main characters Effie works as a Renaissance Faire mermaid and she talks a lot about#how people write fiction about her character but whitewash her or body swap her or would rather do self inserts#or the only comments made about her beauty are just about her tail and never about her Black skin or features#and how she (and her Mom before her death) were usually the only Black characters at the fair#and how she feels so beautiful and incredible being her mermaid self#also again I’m white so I don’t have personal experience but my younger brother is mixed#and he’s always been really lowkey about his feelings but#I took him to see Into the Spiderverse when it first came out#and he’s loved it since#here was this (adorable - don’t tell my brother I said that lol) lanky smart awkward hurting courageous Black boy on screen#and I can see in his heart how he’s been affected by it. he’s not a super fan or anything but I can just tell (big sister thing.) Anyways I#really hope that joy will happen more and more for everyone.
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why do I discover only now that becoming karl lagerfeld is in french?? wtf I was sure it was in English WTFFFF
#heard this language and teared up a tad#fucking love it and I’m not even joking#also the kiosque at the very beginning?? The Ultimate Feeling of your first day on a holiday and you are going to some sort of museum#watching this right after goodbye lenin is one sort of an adventure I tell you that#you can ask me the fuck is going on and I’ll tell you idk it just happened#I was supposed to write at least 5 pages of my thesis and I did NONE of that
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not a sad ‘woe is me’ post so don’t send me weird messages but: the thing abt cycling through every ED possible and being bulimic for like 10 yrs & making yourself vomit up to 10x times per day on ur worst days is that your teeth and gums will eventually give out on you (bc it doesn’t make a difference if you’ve been good & it doesn’t matter how well you’ve taken care of your teeth for the last x years) and u will be 30 years old crying to your very sweet and kind dentist when she tells you about the 1 million things that are wrong with ur teeth
#anyway i feel strongly compelled to quit my job and dedicate my entire life to speaking out abt eating disorders#& doing research & writing & advocating for people who are suffering#women who are suffering#i think this is honestly my life’s calling!!!! i just don’t know where to start#you know movies glamorize having anorexia & it’s always like: she is the most beautiful girl in the world…but so sad…she doesn’t eat :(#i need to make movies that have scenes like that one chapter of i’m glad my mom died:#where jennette has been throwing up like 15 times a day and her tooth falls out#and she’s literally just like: yeah i’ll deal with that later#& instead of writing about a beautiful skinny white girl who is upset about eating carrots at inpatient#i would just force people to read/watch the things in this thread:#https://www.reddit.com/r/EDAnonymous/s/H1C3JZyvFK#because that’s the reality#the one comment in that thread ‘i ate something poisonous because i hoped it would make me puke’#like yeah same. LOL. & i always thought i was the only one so fucked in the head#anyway society is very cruel to women and i need to do something about it. genuinely whereeee do i even begin#i guess i have been writing a lot abt my personal experience and all the disgusting things ppl like to avoid talking abt#and how my mother made me this way etc#i could def make a memoir out of it. maybe i’ll do that.#i would love to have more options than just. trauma porn.#ah anyway maybe i’ll open a nonprofit. IDK. i just need to make a lot of noise somehow
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how’s the sugar fic going i’m trying so so hard to be so patient and good
I’m so proud of you for being patient you’re doing a great job.
It’s coming along, still got a chunk to write though, there’s some interesting things in this chapter that are taking me some time to get down… as well as just, you know, general life distractions
But this counts as research, okay?
#sugar daddy au#ask#also we’ve going through a heatwave#it’s very hard for me to write when it’s hot#bc the heat makes me wanna die#but we’re getting there!!#also the baseball is a joke cos it’s just a coincidence you sent this ask while we’re playing the phillies#but it’s also. not a joke cos. the phillies play the padres where we are in the fic.. LOL#so fun coincidence or whatever!#tatis just hit a HR while typing this#don and mudd were showing their hot dogs (literally the food) on screen while he hit it#lmfao…#anyway this isnt relevant at all#but if you read all this i’ll give you what im struggling with rn#macden are watching game 3 nlcs#phillies have a few errors#i wrote a little thingy where mac gets mad like typical mac rage at the game and dennis calms him down#idk if i wanna keep it tho cos it fucks with the mood for what happens after that#so that’s where we are!#what happens after is that mac sucks dennis cock btw#spoilers for those of you still reading this for some reason#lmfao
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I always forget just how many love songs I have in my playlist until I’m having an ultra-love-repulsed day and have to try my best to contain my breakdown until I get home
#21 out of 61 songs are related to love in some way#and it always feels like my playlist is trying to give me as many in a row as it can#must’ve gotten like 5 one after the other while walking home today#it’s too much of a hassle to keep taking my phone out of my backpack to switch songs so I just grit my teeth and bear it#and I know my playlist literally can’t read my mood. it’s not sentient. it’s a program#but when I’m so strung out it really does feel like it’s doing it on purpose#and hearing those songs makes everything so much worse#days like these I cannot stand any mention of love or romance or sex or anything else of the sort#I can’t read or think about it without feeling awful#can’t draw can’t write can’t watch shows. nothing#worst thing is I never know when I’ll be having a day like this so I can’t prepare by isolating myself or anything#like preparing a separate playlist with no love songs#bc the only way to find out is to get triggered#which… isn’t something I particularly like doing. at all#and I can’t even indulge in my latest interests because guess fucking what it centres around#ughhhhhhhhh. why couldn’t I have just stayed bi and not have to deal with any of this
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help I just wanna play splatoon but I have to revise :(
#I started playing it again this week and it’s so much more fun than I remember#I’m having a great time#I got up early today!! but I was then falling asleep trying to watch my lecture#and I have another to do (last one!!) but I. stopped working at 12 to ‘have lunch’#actually seeing it’s the last one is a very good motivator and I only have like 40 minutes of it left#i can do 40 minutes easy and then start writing it up that’s not bad at all#if I say I’ll go until 6 for now just to have an end point so I’m not trapped in The Endless I’ll be fine#but goddamn people keep texting me (if you can read this it’s not about you ily) and I. would like to not deal with them specifically rn#aaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAA okay fuck that will deal with that later it will have consequences but it’s fine#I have to wash up too >:(#it’s just a plate but still#okay fine. I will. go wash up. and then lecture. by which time probably around 5:20#and I can spend ~40 minutes writing out the basics of the two lectures I watched today that’s manageable I can do that#and it would put me a significant step forward which I need rn#and if I can do that okay for just 1.5 hours. I can have some time before i eat to play the silly squid game <3#luke.txt
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