#I’ll be writing something on this in the very near future and probably post it the same time this exits the drafts so I’ll stay focused

[loganseternity]

I'm sleeping in a van most nights. It's not ideal but I've never felt more alive.

[99corentine]

Afterword: Will there be a sequel to GHD?

After almost four years, GOL HAH DOV is finally a finished project. 50 chapters, just shy of 375K words (about 4-5 full novels’ worth of writing) and I don’t want to know how many hours of furiously typing, here we are at the finish line. As we started getting near the end a few people asked whether I was going to write a sequel, but the answer was too complex to put in an author’s note, so I thought I’d discuss it in more detail here.

Unfortunately, the short version of this is probably not, but let me explain why.

So, there are many things that could go in a sequel. Off the top of my head, I’ve yet to write about: the events of the Dawnguard DLC. The truth about Chrysanthe’s past. How they contend with Hermaeus Mora, who is still gunning for them. How the civil war unfolds when the First Dragonborn looks at both the Empire and Stormcloaks and says ‘nah, I’ll make my own faction’. How the Thalmor react to this. Miraak’s rise to power when he’s not allowed to use his mind control powers, and Chrysanthe’s general struggle to keep Miraak on a morally good path.

All of this could definitely make for another longfic but what I don’t have is any sort of romantic development. The trouble with writing a soulmates fic is that once the couple have overcome their personal issues, there’s very little further tension. Chrysanthe and Miraak actually got together very early in the fic (about chapter 12 out of 50) and the rest has been about them learning each other, becoming more intertwined… but I’m not really sure how they can get more intertwined, after the events of GHD. There are many external points of tension (politics, Thalmor, daedra) but there’s nothing internal - only Miraak’s dubious morality, but we already know that he’ll change his course for Chrysanthe, so what else is there to add?

Essentially, I can’t see how to further develop the relationship, and to me the romantic tension is what makes a fic worth writing. Without it, I just know that even if I started a GHD sequel, I wouldn’t have the enthusiasm to see it through to the end. Now that may change, and I might think of something new… but for the time being, I’m going to put GHD down and focus on other things.

Those other things are: 1) The Tav/Astarion Baldur’s Gate 3 longfic I’ve started, Tooth for a Tooth, which has all my attention at the minute. It’s darker than GHD but the protagonist has the same steely-stoic paladin vibe, so if you liked Chrysanthe you might like him too 2) A while ago I posted a fic idea in which the Last Dragonborn (Chrysanthe, or a totally new character) ends up in the past with pre-Apocrypha Miraak. Again this is a longfic that I’m not sure I really have the spoons for, but I’d say I’m more likely to write this than a GHD sequel 3) Various other bits and pieces, unfinished oldfics, etc.

I know that might be disappointing for some to read, but I hope my reasons make sense at least! And I hope that you still enjoy GOL HAH DOV as its own piece of work, and come back to read anything else that I might write in the future. Thank you again for coming on this Skyrim adventure with me!

[razorblade180]

I need your help

Hello, I’m calling out to you devoted readers. I’ve recently made a FanFic account! I’ll probably also make a AO3 account in the near future.

But for now, I’m asking for a bit of help. We all know Tumblr isn’t that great at archiving things neatly. I’ve done my best to stay tidy but even those posts get washed away by the sea of my constant writing.

If any of you have reblogged “Master Post stories” which are full stories with hyperlinks to each chapter, it would very kind of you to send those to me in my private messages so I can better collect, transfer, and publish them for easier access for everyone.

Also… if there’s any personal oneshot stories you absolutely adored that was written by me, feel free to send those. This process will take me some time and your help is completely voluntary but will be immensely appreciated. Hopefully I can give you all a proper thank you later on and do something special.

[avida-heidia-5]

Thanks muchly for the tag, @kaossbells! That was quite a challenge! I had to think really long and hard about some of these questions. 😮‍💨🥰😘

20 Questions for Fic Writers

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

A measly 5. Yeeeeaaaah…I really need to post more stories more often! 😅 I’m more of an artist these days.

Luckily, I got infected by the writing bug this year thanks to my involvement in the F1 Big Bang fanfic event, so I hope that number will increase significantly this year. 🙏🏻

2. What’s your total AO3 word count? 

18,354. Again, hoping for more.

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Mainly F1. I’m planning on writing more fandoms I have an interest in such as Merlin, Good Omens, Our Flag Means Death, and The Legend Of Zelda. Maaaaaybe some Depeche Mode in the near future as well… 🤔

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos? 

1) Miracles Happen at the Right Place at the Right Time (F1)

2) As Drunk As A Finnish Brown Bear (F1)

3) Deep Tenebrosity (Merlin)

4) For The Sake Of Nature (F1)

5) My Soul Begs For Your Return (F1)

Yep, that’s all of them! 😅

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Yes! 🥰🥰🥰🥰

For comments in general, oftentimes, I read a fic that’s so god tier that I don’t have any or enough words to express myself. If that happens, I always make sure to leave a comment anyway - descriptive or not - that I hope would make an author’s day. 💖

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Probably Deep Tenebrosity. It’s a bit open-ended and left to interpretation though as it’s an alternative scene of an episode of Merlin I wasn’t satisfied with. I’m definitely thinking of including some more angst for future fics though. It’s my favourite kind of ending compared to happy ones. Not that I hate happy endings. I love them, don’t get me wrong, I just love sad and angsty endings more.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Miracles Happen. It’s definitely the happiest ending I’ve written so far. The rest of my fics have either normal endings or sad ones.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Nope! So far, at least.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

It’s not on AO3 (yet!), but I’m working on sneaking some smut into a few chapters of For The Sake Of Nature. 😏 It’s a long way yet though, so don’t get tooo excited. Shan’t spoil… 🤐

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

I’ve never written a crossover before. However, I’m thinking of writing a Depeche Mode/IAMX crossover fic at some point. It’s still in the planning stages, so nothing concrete yet. I need to finish all my other WIPs I have stacked up in my hard drive first before I get too ahead of myself! 😵‍💫💫 You know how it is.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of.

I would really love to pitch an idea to fanfic websites to put a watermark or a copyright filter on your own fanfics, if it’s even possible. Maybe a certificate of authenticity of some kind? I would happily do that to every single one of my fics to prevent dirty thieves from stealing them. Please, make it happen!!!!

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? 

No, as far as I’m aware.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? 

No, but I would really love to someday. 🤩

14. What’s your all-time favourite ship? 

If it’s F1 RPF, it’s a toss-up between Simi and Martian. But seeing as we’ve just had Simi day, I’ll go for them. They are just the sweetest pairing. 🥰😘

If it’s any other fandom, that’s a bit harder! I’ll say Blackbonnet from the OFMD fandom for now.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

For The Sake Of Nature, definitely! It’s a veeeeeeeery slooooooooooooooow process. I’ll get it done eventually! Promise! 😬🙏🏻

16. What are your writing strengths? 

I love being adventurous in my vocab when it comes to writing. I’ve read so many books and consumed so many dictionaries when I was very young, so that might have something to do with it. You learn a lot from reading books. From knowing how to structure a sentence, to how dialogue is written and where they’re appropriate to use, to certain language and behavioural ticks from characters, to describing unique locations and objects. It’s very fascinating and they help massively with my writing.

17. What are your writing weaknesses? 

The only thing I struggle with is not so much about the writing side of things, but it’s all about time management. As in making a plan of posting fanfics on certain dates and times and never getting around to doing it because of my usually packed schedule.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? 

I’m lucky to have friends on Discord and Tumblr who speak in their native tongues to help me out if I ever get stuck. I don’t trust the internet, so I rely on them for language authenticity.

19. First fandom you wrote for? 

Merlin!

20. Favourite fic you’ve written? 

Urrrrmmm…I don’t really have one! Though having said that, I enjoyed writing dialogue for Kimi in As Drunk As A Finnish Brown Bear! You can write absolutely anything when you’re writing a drunk Finn! Easiest job in the world! 🤣🤣🤣

I tag @miss-malheur, @msmirrorball21, @formulaes5, @hungriestheidi, @wanderingblindly, and anyone who sees this and wants to participate. Please ignore if you’ve already done this or don’t want to do it, that’s completely fine. 😊

[tee-hee-heidi]

Nymphs and Satyrs - Introduction

Aaaaaah we’re here guys! Apparently I can’t help developing Lore Trademark for everything I do, no matter how small. Anyway, I had planned a very long post about the lore of Mythical Lovers, but that would have been way too much in one single sitting, so I decided to split it into smaller posts. Let’s hope I don’t get too carried away lol.

Satyr and nymphs are a type of mythical creature I started calling Lesser Deities of the Woods, which is probably not super accurate to Greek mythology but I needed a single name for the both of them and I could only come up with this. So if you see me writing about Lesser Deities in this post (and future ones too), assume I’m talking about nymphs and satyrs as a whole.

Anyway, these Lesser Deities usually live in forests, woods, near lakes or swamps. They’re very elusive, but this doesn’t mean they hate humans, quite the contrary! While some communities are more secluded than others, most Lesser Deities don’t mind intermingling with humans, and even take human spouses. Still, they don’t really engage with humans on the regular, preferring to live far from civilisation. As Deities, both satyrs and nymphs are immortal, though they can still die from violent means or illness (something that can’t happen to Major Deities and full Gods) and while they do not die from old age, they can age! Sort of. While their body doesn’t change the way a human’s does, the older a satyr gets the whiter his fur becomes (a fully white coat is considered a great achievement for a satyr!) while older nymphs are almost completely covered in flowers. This usually takes centuries.

Moreover, both satyrs and nymphs have powers! It comes with being deities. They’re not as strong ad Godly powers, but Lesser Deities are still greatly respected and feared by humans. I’ll eventually make a completely separate post about nymph and satyr’s powers but for now the very short version

Nymph powers: related to plants. Both growing plants, reviving them, and using their natural properties to aid in various illnesses etc. A good example of their powers would be reviving a dead piece of wood, or making natural fibres bloom, or even increasing the potency of a plant, so that its natural effect is even stronger.

Satyr powers: this is still up in the air and probably subjected to change but, satyrs are really great at enticing humans and even hypnotising them with their songs and dances. Usually they use their powers either to protect their communities from humans, driving them away from their place of living, or to attract humans so they can take advantage of them. It depends. If their goal is to attract humans, their traces (hoofprints etc.) can glow, so that humans can follow them better.

Both their powers can be influenced by mood, and especially nymphs need to stay in contact with nature to be able to tap into their powers. Droughts, pollution etc. can seriously impact their magic.

And now, last but not least�� children! But wait, how can satyrs and nymphs have children if they’re all male/all female?

When approaching this story I’ve kept in mind that female satyrs didn’t exist in Ancient Greek mythology. That’s a later invention (I think Roman, but don’t quote me on that), I’ve decided to build up on that when conceptualising my world, and since the female counterpart of the satyr is the nymph… I’ve technically made them the same “species” which means that unions between satyrs and nymphs are fertile and will produce offspring. Unions with humans will also result in children, but they will always be either nymphs (if female) or satyrs (if male). A Lesser Deity’s children are always Deities themselves, even if the other parent is a mortal human. The only exception would be if the other parent is a full God (like in Bia’s case)

Children are never considered bastards, even if the father is unknown. The family name (is there is one) is passed by the mother to her children.

I’m still undecided if Crino has a family name or not lol, we’ll see.

[barclaysangel]

Guardian Doll (part 1)

So no one commented on that post I made regarding if I should post this or not...but I did it anyway. I decided to post it just to see if there are people who would be interested on this story and want me to continue. I am already writing a second part, I'm still working on where the plot will go, but y'all are free to join me on this journey.

So please comment if you like this and/or want me to continue writing/posting this story! Comments really do help fuel my motivation so maybe I will write it but if enough want to see it, I will post it as well.

Anyway, thank you and enjoy :)

Word count: 624

Tags: @vi0lentg0d @streets-in-paradise (if you want to be tagged for future chapters, lemme know!)

Cecilia was exhausted. 

Physically, emotionally, you name it. Seventh grade was hell and school just drained the life out of her, sucked her soul dry, and she still had to walk home. 

Great. 

At least she would be alone on her walk. Where she didn’t need to deal with her classmates purposefully bumping into her, laughing at her. It would be a nice break from her parents being up her ass about her homework and being their own and only “perfect” child. 

Yeah, a break from all of that would be nice. 

Take what you want, take what you can, take what you please, don’t give a damn. 

The song played in Cecilia’s headphones, humming the lyrics under her breath as she strolled through the cemetery. It was a shortcut, a bit of a faster yet much more peaceful way to get home. She enjoyed the sense of serenity, the trees looming over her head and gentle breeze of wind surrounding her. 

But just then, something odd caught her attention. 

Ask for forgiveness, never permission. 

There was a doll sitting on the grass, alone. It wasn’t by a particular gravesite, it just sat there in the middle of the small field. 

Cecilia moved closer, crouching down in front of the doll and tilted her head to the side. It was a rather tall doll, probably would’ve been up to her knee had it been standing. It had blonde hair with black roots, wearing a white dress and black leather jacket with black heeled boots, painted black lips and dark eyeliner around its piercing green eyes. 

Overall, it was a fascinating style for a doll and something that Cecilia herself wouldn’t mind trying out sometime. 

Yeah, as if. Her parents would kill her if she walked around dressed like a doll. 

“How long have you been here, pretty girl?” Cecilia wondered out loud. It must have been some time, there were leaves on the doll’s dress, which she silently plucked away. After a moment of staring, she picked the doll up, smoothing back the soft blonde hair that almost felt real, and stood up. 

Take what you want, take what you can, take what you please, don’t give a damn. 

Cecilia walked further into the field near where she found the doll, wondering if this was a child’s toy that had been forgotten or it was placed on the grave of a deceased child and somehow been misplaced or moved. But judging by the names and birth and death date, there were no children tombstones. For some reason, only one tombstone that was closest to where she found the doll caught her attention but it belonged to an adult man. 

Charles Lee Ray. 

Well, whoever that was, Cecilia was sure that he wouldn’t have a doll by his grave, especially if he had been dead for about thirty years. 

To her, it seemed like the doll had no home. 

This was a very nice doll. If Cecilia sold her, she could probably get a lot of money for it. 

Or…

“How would you feel if I took you home, hm? I’ll make sure you’re nice and comfy.” She spoke to the doll with a little smile. 

Then, the sun shone and Cecilia noticed a gold necklace on the doll with a word written on it. 

“Tiff…” she read out loud, smiling more, “is that your name? Tiff?” 

Of course, the doll didn’t respond but she felt like she knew the answer. 

Finally, Cecilia readjusted her grip on the doll, Tiff, and she started walking home. She always liked dolls and it would be nice to finally get a new one after years. 

Besides, what could go wrong?

It’s in the blood and this is tradition.

[iheartgod175]

Some Thoughts!

Man, I haven’t done a post like this in a while! But I figured I might as well before I work on one of my numerous WIPs XD

—So, I’ve been back on a Zula Patrol kick like you wouldn’t believe. Though that should be obvious with all the memes I’ve been making, haha! I promise this won’t become a Zula Patrol only blog, haha!

—I’ll be working on building my graphic design/editing skills so I can properly redesign my blogs ^^ You can expect a few graphics throughout the month! :)

—Chapter 4 of The Zula Patrol: Dreamscape Crusade Remastered is also coming along pretty nicely. I’ve been enjoying adding the layers of mystery and horror to the world that Multo ends up in. Oh, and a couple of new characters are making their appearance, too. And that’s all I’m going to say about the subject!

—I’ve also been steadily working on Love Language for the last couple of months. I thought FOR SURE that I’d be posting its first chapter by the end of the month, but life happened—not to mention that I keep coming up with MORE headcanons for Multo and Zeeter that I just have to write down and put in the story. XD Also, the story’s grown to the point where I had to break it up into FIVE chapters, now, with the fifth being the actual conclusion. This story’s been so fun to work on, and I hope you’ll all enjoy it when I finally publish it.

—That being said, I did have a few insecurities regarding the writing of Love Language. I wondered if anybody would actually read this story since 1. ZP isn’t a very well-known cartoon, and 2. Even for rarepair standards, Multo/Zeeter sure seems like it came out of left field. And for about a few weeks, I did leave it alone, out of worry that nobody would read it. But then I came across posts in my feed that said that it’s important to write the stories that you’d like to read, even if they don’t get any readership, because telling your story is what matters. I’ve dealt with this a lot since writing all of my stories, namely my Zula Patrol series. And while I struggle with it occasionally, I’m not going to let that whole “nobody will probably read this” mentality stop me from writing about these goofy aliens, and my favorite opposites-attract ship, of which I’m the sole captain.

—While I’ve been working on Blazin’ Trails content off and on, I’m having a deuce of a time trying to work on the final chapter of the original BT. I’ll literally sit down and open the document, looking for something to leap out at me and inspire me to work…but nothing’s working. And I really want to get things started with Blazin’ Trails Redux as well…*sigh*

—As for Super Why stuff, I’m looking forward to seeing the new shorts that are debuting next month! I got to see the first short, and it’s adorable. And I also can’t wait to see more of Power Paige in action! I just really hope that Woofster and Alpha Pig aren’t written out of the show :(

—Speaking of PBS Kids stuff…I kinda sorta got back into both WordGirl and Arthur. GOD, I feel old! And now, I’m half-tempted to have WG guest star in SRBA like Santiago will. The SRBA ‘verse? More like Into the Reader-verse, LOL XD

—Sodor Magic Crusaders MAY be getting an update in the near future. I thought about working on it for the first time in months, and I remembered that I only have a few episodes left until I can get to write the second season.

—Slowly but surely getting back into Honkai Impact 3rd. I still haven’t gotten a chance to watch the part 2 trailer, but it looks like it’s gonna be interesting!

—One thing’s for sure. Power Paige will definitely appear in the SRBA ‘verse. I just have to figure out what her backstory would be as well as her powers and what kind of fighting style she’d have. I know for sure it won’t be a sword—we already have four sword fighters in SRBA thus far (Super Why, Presto, Muse and Jackson).

—In Super Why news, I HAVE been working on the fifth chapter bit by bit, and I’d like to say that it’s about 65% finished. I don’t think it’ll be quite as long as the last update, but I don’t want to speak too soon ^^;

—I haven’t drawn anime in ages, not since I first started uploading on DeviantArt. And I admit, the pic that I’m going to post of Usagi isn’t the best..but you know what? Screw it! The only way I can improve is to practice, even if it’s wonky or incorrect! ^^

[ladylucksrogue]

20 Fic Writer Questions

Thank you for tagging me @lonewolflupe!

This was fun!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

91

2. What's your A03 word count?

534, 651 (!!)

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Star Wars currently. I've written for others like DBZ, One Piece and Lucifer in the past.

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

The Stars We Can’t See (Riyo/Fox)

Unexpected (Wolffe/Liri (my OC)

Whumptober 2022

All is Fair (Fox/Riyo)

Spontaneous (set in the Unexpected Universe, my fix-it universe Rex/Ahsoka)

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I wrote a Bly centric, post order 66 story called The Ghost of You.  It’s probably the darkest most tragic thing I’ve ever written.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Probably the drabble A kiss when both parties are crying, done for the kiss roulette prompts, where Wolffe meets his daughter Mira for the first time.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

I haven’t.  I have gotten a couple passive aggressive comments, but thankfully no outright hate.

9. Do you write smut? If so what kind?

Yup.  I like to write smut.  Usually smut with feelings, though I’ve done a couple of casual fling type one shots and a dark raunchy one time thing between Wolffe and Ventress.

10. Do you write cross overs? What's the craziest one you've written?

I haven’t.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

No.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Not sure if it counts, but I did contribute to @aknightreaderr's amazing ask Fives universe with a letter from Sinker and Boost.

And, there may be plans for the future in the Unexpected-verse.   I am not opposed to this sort of thing, I think it’s so fun to dabble in each other’s universes.

14. What's your all time favorite ship?

I can’t just choose one. I love foxiyo, codywan, blyla and of course, I adore the little world I’ve built with my OC Liri and Wolffe.  I’ve just fallen for her as much as Wolffe has, I find her amazing.

And of course, as much as that occasionally bothers people and gets me blacklisted, I love rexsoka.  

15. What's a WIP you'd like to finish but doubt you ever wilI?

I do intend to finish all stories that I write, or I have the best of intentions…

I did start an obitine fic a while back, and while I had fun writing it at the time, the fandom toxicity just really got to me and I think I just burned myself out on it and needed a change. I suppose I lost the will to write there.  I’m not sure if I ever will get back to writing it.

I also have a Wolffe-centric post order 66 story I will eventually be continuing.  It is on temporary hiatus.  It’s very personal and near and dear to my heart and I guess I just got into a bit of a funk writing it.  It got very little attention, which I figured, as it is so niche, but…sometimes it’s hard to pour your heart and soul out.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Probably emotion.  I’m pretty good at getting into character’s heads.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Ha.  I’d say everything but the truth is I have no clue.  I just know I edit and edit and edit until I’m happy with something and hope for the best.  Sometimes I can get too wordy with stuff, sometimes I feel like my tone is really boring. 

Oh and summaries. I am the absolute worst at summaries. I can write a 5000 word super intense, emotional one-shot but then I go to post and I'm like...I got nothing...

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I like to throw a mando’a word in here and there.  Or I’ll worldbuild with Pantoran and Wroonian.  I don’t like to write whole lines of dialogue in other languages, because unless it is fandom-known, I think it distracts?  Like having to flip flop between the notes and the dialogue to understand the scene?  It’s like when you are watching a movie, and it switches to Chinese or something.  Sure it is accurate that they’d be speaking in their native language, but I’m scrambling to keep up with the subtitles.

My other language is German…and well…I don’t really write in it, at all.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Dragonball Z.  I wrote a lot of Bulma/Vegeta fics, as well as a lot of Vegeta centric stuff that will never see the light of day.  I was an angsty youth.

20. Favorite fic you've ever written?

Probably a toss-up between Unexpected and The Stars We Can’t See.  I just love writing the progression of the relationships there.  Home Sweet Home holds a special place in my heart because it was the first rexsoka fic I ever wrote and it’s just a hot mess in the best of ways.

On a personal, need to get these headcanons out before I explode level?  I love the twin week stuff I wrote, Fight or Flight and Balance, specifically.

Tagging: @whyamismall @tealmisthams @snips2112 @sendpseuds @palfriendpatine66 @impossibleprincess35 and anyone else who would like to do this.

[andoqin]

List of dramas that I am watching or want to watch, just for personal record reasons:

Cdramas:

The ingenious one (36/36): this drama has blown me away so far with its incredibly nuanced and sharp writing, its love stories between all the major couples and the absolutely magnificent cinematography. FINISHED verdict: HIGHLIGHT drama of the year for me so far. Smart, engaging, complicated, peak romance of all sorts, just what the doctor ordered tbh (overly long review can be found in my tags). 9.5

Chang Feng Du (40/40): I did not realise how close to the end I was. This drama is very pleasant and I adore our mains, but sadly except for a few highlights (the early beating gjs put on himself, the destruction of the gu family and the aftermath, the battle for wangdu) the writing hasn’t been able to keep the narrative tension up which is sad. FINSHED verdict: Very pretty and engaging in the beginning kinda loses me in the second half and then fizzles out emotionally, doesn't crash and burn but doesn't exactly stick the landing either 6.5

Gone with the rain (10/30): adore the gremlin4gremlin couple and from the spoilers I’ve seen not gonna adore much else

An ancient love song (1/16): incredible first episode and with only 30 min per ep and 16 eps in total this is gonna be a short fun ride I hope ( with lots of angst and tears naturally).

Here we meet again (18/32): started this for Wu Qian playing to type and Zhang BinBin being pretty but oh boy I’m struggling I just don’t care about the conflicts and in s surprising twist, I like the flashbacks to high school much much more, which is very funny if you think about the fact that the reason I started liking wu qian in the first place was because of her show stealing performance in the flashbacks of My Sunshine. I’ve been promised kisses in the near future so I’m gonna hold out till then but this might end up another drop.

Hidden Love (5/25): this one promises to be v sweet and kinda short but oh my god I have so many dramas on my plate rn so this might end up the first drop.

Till the end of the moon (22/40): I think I watched ep 1 when it started but then I got busy and now I am just staring at gifsets and crying, it’s definitely on the list to watch tho.

Heroes (6?/38): I started this a while ago, was really into it and then got busy… dammit. I might just rewatch the beginning so I can remember most of the set up for sure but man the visuals on this were so good, aaaa liu yuning.

Blood of youth (0/40): the last 12 months really have spoiled us with interesting looking wuxia dramas and this one is definitely on the list, I have been gifbaited once again.

Ray of light (0/30): usually hs dramas are something I avoid, but because I will not be watching the longest promise, for reasons, and bc @storge is a gifmaking temptress, this has made it on the list.

The legend of anle (0/39): Lmao trust YOUKU to screw up the release with bad subs only 1 ep even for vips and no released schedule… but at least I can put this on the backburner for now. Lmao should have known not to trust a youku dilreba drama, the tl has soundingly spoken and I'm gonna avoid this.

Ancient Detective (0/24): I was recced this by a friend when I mentioned my love for wuxia dramas, and since it’s almost shockingly short for a cdrama it’s on the list. EDIT: this got @purplehanfus seal of approval so it is def going up the list and since it's complete I'll probably at least watch it before the ongoing ones.

Butterflied love (0/22): see I barely made this post and already forgot about the screencap that got me started on writing it, the screencapa look great, but the drama is on mango, so who knows when I’ll truly be able to watch this

When I fly towards you (0/24): Well, I wasn't interested bc modern youth drama, but then I heard it described as "updated It Started with a Kiss" and... I'm weak? ISWAK was pretty much my crack gateway into asian dramas and while IDK if i could rewatch it today, something in me will always love this kind of story. Maybe it's like a quick palate cleanser in between since apparently eps are only about 30 mins.

Mysterious Lotus Casebook(0/40): CHENG YIIIII, in a possibly bromantic role? Or maybe het romance, I'll take it all. Plus I've already seen he's bleeding copious amounts as per his contract, so that's most of the checklist done.

Lost You Forever (0/??): because nature abhors a vacuum I apparently must have?? A minimum to watch pile and this actually and genuinely looks good??? A Yang Zi drama in 2023??? The mind boggles. Anyway I've been reading the recaps with delight, and am def going to watch this when part two airs in a couple of months but until then I have a thankful reprieve...

Kdramas:

See you in my 19th life (4/12): since kdramas release so slowly this is on the backburner but it does have some great gifsets that keep enticing meee

King the land (2/16): I am watching this for junho but it is kinda hard bc I have so much else on my plate and while I don’t mind a classic romcom type story I feel I need a bit more of an emotional hook

Story of the nine-tailed 1938 (0/16): so so many gorgeous and hilarious gifsets so little time. I loved season one so so much and the fact that this focuses on the brotherly relationship?? Extremely smart writing decisions were made!

The red sleeve (0/16): I blame @dangermousie for this she keeps reblogging angsts junho on my dash and I am but god’s weakest warrior.

Love tractor (0/8): gay himbo farmboy falls in love?? You bet this is on the list

Lady durian (0/?): ok this is only on the list for crack reasons but, daughter in law is in love with mother in law and both women are like 40+ truly kdramas have entered a new era and I kinda wanna be here for that

EDIT: Revenant (0/12): Kim Tae Ri in a spooky drama? POSSIBLY POSSESSED KIM TAE RI??? how could i forget to put her on this list, plus it was written by the Kingdom writer and I adore that drama plus it's only 12 eps which is smart in this case so... let's hope i get to it at some point D:

My dearest (2/20): I checked this out because it's got pretty much everything going for it from a production standpoint and boy did the first two eps deliver. This has got 2 seasons though so I'll probably wait until the second season is airing, since it won't be too long till season 2 or so the internet tells me.

My lovely liar (0/16): minhyun learned to act and I wanna see it happen!!

Jdramas:

Our dining table (2/10): ok this category is gonna be a bit shorter bc I haven’t watched too much drama recently but omg the gifs for this I am just crying thinking about it they look so cute??

Jack o‘frost (0/6): people have recced it and it’s short so here it is.

Utsukushii kare s2 (0/4): Season 1 was an unexpected delight so I hope s2 works just as well.

She loves to cook and she loves to eat (0/10): the manga for this is amazing (and hungry making) so I hope this adaptation holds up.

Ok this list is in no way exhaustive (well except for me being exhausted just trying toward this down) and probably subject to change ( I haven’t even looked at thaidramas or twdramas I gotta stop for now) but hopefully this will keep me on the ball and maybe I can add to it whenever a new tempting gifset crosses my dash…

[piganatur]

the eighth sense ep9-10

ok so this is very chaotic and long so everyone, brace yourself lol

After that gut-wrenching ending of ep8 we’re back in the therapist's office’s deep, underwater world. I love that there’s hardly any sound (and absolutely no music) whenever we’re in that office, it’s so silent as if it’s underwater, all is still. The sentence that sets Jaewon into motion, however, is his therapist telling him he’s selfish. That line literally pushes Jaewon not only to turn and face his therapist but to stand up and ‘protect’ himself against the statement. The only thing that can shake Jaewon is Jihyun (or the mere mention of him). He wants to protect Jihyun, but his therapist says he’s selfish for deciding things alone, for not considering Jihyun’s feelings, that’s basically the same as others hurting Jihyun. It’s an accusation of See? What you’re doing is what you want to protect him from

There are these lines that make me pause for a moment, giving me the urge to grip something bc 😩 Like Jaewon reasoning how he approached Jihyun first, what he literally says is ‘bc I reached my hands out to him first’ and I’m a weak bitch whenever it comes to hands (the mere mention of hands and I’m on the floor~) let it be holding, grabbing, not letting go of or reaching out and all their connotations so I’m just 😭😭😭😭😭 And now I’m thinking about Jaewon’s inability to see that he reached out first but Jihyun has been reaching out over and over again and maybe that only reminded him of this very first act, the one that, sometimes, he probably wished never even happened but what eventually saved him? (also, *vague hand gestures* it's a mirroring action-reaction kinda thing and I’m just *clenches fist*)

Not gonna lie, Jihyun scared me for a moment, being so inside his head and pondering so hard while walking with Joonpyo (like Jaewon’s vacant state got passed onto him BUT that’s another parallel so am I complaining? ofc NOT) friggin parallels and mirror conversations 😬😬😬 I’m just a shell of a person filled to the brim with t8s parallels now (should I make a post about all the parallels in all the episodes?? should I spiral into absolutely insane territory???)

As a viewer, it’s interesting to see Jihyun worry and actually waver (on a surface level) because of what Eunji told him (that Jaewon won’t even mention nor talk about him, like Jaewon talks about ANYTHING with Eunji… wow okay I’m sorry but this is too funny I share more connection with a roadside snail than these two did in the rekindled version of their relationship no.2) That scene shows just how inexperienced and young Jihyun is while simultaneously telling about his character growth and his response to fear (much like his final conversation with Jaewon about being afraid and maybe I’ll write an overall analysis about that, about overcoming fear in t8s but now it’s still just a scattered mess inside my head and I’m really not in any state to try and get into Jaewon’s head anytime in the near future so….)

I love LOVE the club room discussion:  ◦ first Jihyun wordlessly comforting Jaewon, not letting go of his hand, ◦ then shouldering all the blame so the surfing club can get re-approved, ready to give up something if that means, in turn, giving something to Jaewon, ◦ and then Yoonwon showing vulnerability – these are the scenes that make t8s so special to me… the buildup in this scene, the little things following each other that make Jaewon snap out of his stoic state to comfort a friend because he is a caring person and Yoonwon is his friend… these particles build on each other to push Jaewon to react, to move and do something (much like Jihyun finding - w/ the help of Joonpyo - Jaewon’s pictures and realising that Jaewon did not give up on photography and that fact propelling him to support Jaewon’s dream and giving him another camera?) It’s all action and reaction, some clear and loud, some like these snippets ready to get connected to reveal their final meaning

And I love that when Jihyun gifted the new camera the backdrop of that scene is a cluttered rock wall, all these one-of-a-kind entities of different sizes and forms backing them up from behind, when Jaewon is still at the point where he tries to piece his life together.

And Jihyun waits for him at a boulder that’s separate from the rest, where Jaewon joins him and then Jihyun gives him something precious and leaves. Jaewon stays there, because after everything that went down, much like Jihyun, that singular boulder is a certain and unshakable place. And he accepts what Jihyun gave him.

So when Eunji kisses him, Jaewon sees with his own eyes that what he does is actively hurting Jihyun because finally FINALLY he looks at Jihyun and what he sees is the pain he inflicted. It dawns on him, in that moment, that his actions are causing Jihyun harm, and that’s exactly what he wanted to protect Jihyun from. So he does what his therapist said and works on himself first (and I love how the creators play with/and portray time without blatantly stating how much of it passes)

Also, Eunji pls sit down and stop saying Jaewon is back in his right mind. He has changed clothes like once in the past 2 weeks ffs… Oh, but Jaewon throwing that same line back to her face?  I apologise, I wasn’t in my right mind yoooooooooooooooooo

When Jaewon said We’re done I was already cackling. Followed by the you’ve worked hard ...let’s agree that he was NOT talking about their assignment shdhgfhdhg. Another perfect establishing line for the following scene (also, Jaewon served in the navy?? he is  i n s a n e)

But back to Jaewon's road to realisation…Sajangnim is so real and I appreciate her every second I see her (also, like, everyone can be an oppa as long as they’re handsome😉). She literally beats some sense into Jaewon lol. It wouldn’t be the same if someone didn’t get boinked on the head with a spoon, that’s the sk experience~~~

The fact that both Jihyun and Jaewon were heavily led in the direction of finding answers by the advice of WOMEN *can I get an AMEN?* yes, I’m back at my women portrayed in t8s shit again

lmao I’m sorry but that Conan Gray song doesn’t even play for 0.3 seconds and Jihyun is already like yo Joonpyo do u know this song it’s so nice? hahaha but seriously,

I really like that Jaewon walks to Jihyun because walking with purpose is soooo powerful. He makes his way steadily and with determination towards happiness. He doesn't need to run, there is no need for that rush of urgency bc we always see these flashy and big actions portrayed as the picture of ultimate declaration (of yearning/wanting/striving for a better existence) when in reality, the quiet and sure things are just as valid, and often filled with more power.

The first time Jaewon unconsciously wandered (through roads he previously took w/ Jihyun) back to the samgyeopsal restaurant it made him smile, his heart led him there. This time however, he makes that choice consciously, he chooses to go to Jihyun and his every step is filled with that decision and with dedication...to pursue Jihyun and pursue happiness because Jihyun IS happiness to Jaewon and once his mind no longer fights it, going to Jihyun and trying is the simplest and most reasonable thing to do. The magic of Jaewon’s power walk is the conscious gravity of that realisation, of that act.

while watching the opening of ep10 all I could think of was t8s 🤝 tms: starts off teasing (the whole season) with clips that only happen in the last ep

If I’m honest, out of all the episodes, ep9-10 were the choppiest, but I get it, they had a lot to cover. There’s no swell, no smooth transition between the scenes, just a wave we climb and when it’s gone we hop onto another wave. Also, the experience of the last ep is akin to reading a c-webnovel where you get to the extras after the main story’s end… well, ep10 is all those extras combined:

◦ idk call me petty but Taehyung and Eunji are toxic people, I wouldn’t want them in my life for anything. Jaewon forgiving them is one thing bc it gives him closure but I hope as hell he cuts those two snakes out for good ◦ Jihyun’s dilemma of when was our first day (as a couple) is so ‘dating and romantic relationships in sk 101’ ◦ ily tipsy Jihyun, ily unruly Jaewon

I love everything @emotionallychargedtowel said in this post (thank you for the wonderful observations, your gripes are valid, I have even more lol) especially the bit about wanting, asking for, or expecting a certain level of care from the important people in our lives, Jiyun’s game, and the pursuer-distancer bit OMG THANK YOU FOR WRITING THAT!!! Jihyun’s game is my fav moment from the last two eps (closely followed by the opening sequence of ep10), it tells so much about his attitude and dedication towards their relationship

And on this note, I agree 120% with everything @emotionallychargedtowel and @jemmo wrote about the complexity of their relationship showed by the ‘twist to conventional roles' (and might I add, not just in queer romance but in romance as a genre too) Not me thinking about my post about Jaewon and Jihyun both actively romancing each other because for equality in a relationship, there has to be space for the ppl involved to move around, and at times, switch places (like taking care of one’s partner, be the one to woo them… then being taken care of, being wooed and so on) because it’s a dance where they take turns to lead depending on the situation because they both want this, because they feed into each other’s happiness.

Jaewon teases Jihyun, establishing again and again that he knows Jihyun is young, younger than Jaewon himself but he does NOT patronise Jihyun for it. It’s an indulgent way of acknowledging his bf’s youth while fully regarding him as an adult. And whenever Jihyun tries to downplay their age gap, whenever he puts them on the same standing with the casual slips of banmal, Jaewon is so happy to be treated like a friend, like someone of the same age as Jihyun. He doesn’t try to use his hyung status as leverage… it’s a balancing act, it is give-and-take and letting Jihyun give back and letting himself receive just as much because Jaewon appreciates Jihyun and takes him seriously as a person, not just as a cute younger boyfriend in need of doting on.

Then I saw this post from @jemmo and I’m !!!!!!!!

will you meet me more than halfway? 😭😭😩😩

Thank you for sharing that song and that particular line bc isn’t that what Jihyun did again and again, meeting Jaewon more than halfway?? Even at the end of ep9 he waited for Jaewon and when he saw him, he went down to meet him in front of the dorms. Jihyun took that extra step, once again meeting Jaewon more than halfway and ever since watching that scene my chest is so full

All in all, The Eighth Sense is a beautifully crafted, though evoking drama, full of passion and love apparent from its detailed and consistent plotline, believable three-dimensional characters, exceptional quality and cinematography. It made me kinda obsessed for 5 weeks and evoked thoughts and feelings I have not experienced since To My Star: Our Untold Stories. Everyone involved in making this drama deserves praise and an enormous round of applause 👏👏👏👏 Very well done 💕💕💕

[wildflowersintherain]

I stayed up finishing this book last night and honestly this morning reflecting back on it, I’m not sure how my feelings are on the book.

I got this book on KU because I had saw an author recommendation on Tik Tok! It said something along the lines of, “me reading a book about a girl with two different colored eyes and a deaf ear who’s scary professor is the son of Ares and he calls her spoiled not knowing she was raised in an abusive household” it kinda had me hooked from this! It sounded like a really good dark romance book

I wasn’t all that impressed BUT I did enjoy the book! I think I went in with more of the mindset of the above quote but that’s not really what the story focused on. Alexis did grown up in a rough home. She does have mismatched eyes and a deaf ear, I did feel like the author would just throw those in the story at random times. Like it didn’t flow with the story. I however almost wish I had never saw the author post that because it gave me a different impression with how the book was going to go.

Alexis, the FMC, was quiet for 90% of the story. She let people push her around and honestly while she seems to be smart in the story I just wasn’t a huge fan of her sometimes. Now don’t get me wrong there’s some humor that the author will throw in there and I LOVE it! (I’m also a big fan of little bits of humor through books) In the last few chapters it seems like this is where Alexis finds her voice. It’s a slowwwwww build but she found it. Alexis is supposed to have powers and honestly I’m still confused what they are 😅

Now for the MMCs, the book ends on a cliffhanger with there being possibly two other love interests for her. Sooo I’m curious to see how that will play out in the second book.

!!!!!Spoilers Ahead!!!!

Please be warned! Don’t read the following if you don’t want spoilers!

Augustus and Kharon end up being her love interests at the end of this book. And while throughout the book they come across as a bad guys they were protecting her the whole time. We see this at the END of the book.

I wish there had been more relationship building between the characters. It felt so forced to me, even though it kinda was, I had just wished we could’ve had a bit more of a relationship between the FMC and MMC.

One thing that did bother me was that Alexis is supposed to be Hercules and she is the daughter of Hades and Persephone. While I do know it’s a book, it slightly bothered me that Hercules is actually the son of Zeus and Alkmene. (Which I did appreciate they assumed she was Zeus daughter in the book for a whole)

Overall this wasn’t a bad book! I’ll probably read the second one in the near future but my brain needs a little break from the writing style of this author. I feel like it was more of a story than dialect between characters and that I wished there was more relationship building between them.

Also if you are coming to the book for spicy reads, I wouldn’t recommend…that doesn’t happen between the main characters until the VERY end!

[thedemigodoracle]

Please read:

Ok, so as I jokingly said before “I’m back.” - I’m not joking, I am back.

Not entirely yet but here are some things to wait for in the near future.

Before I list it I need to browse fast through the real life stuff first so bear with:

- one of the reasons I did go missing from art and fandoms in general wasn’t just the ammount of books but also family situations, depression, relationships and in the last few years I lost grandma, grandpa and even my mother to a disease they don’t have it diagnosed yet because it was so rare.

Obvsly took a major hit to my mental health and the ability to write and just have energy kinda left me. I’m handling it I’m in therapy. This is all we need to talk about it.

- it’s been over ten years since some of your fave fics have been updated and while both Clichesbullet on ff.net and thatu on DA will be there and won’t be deleted HERE are what’s to expect:

1. My endgame here is reading the books back and forth again, as well as other source

Material for other fandoms I will

Be publishing for.

-updating the old fan mixes and uploading it to Spotify so it’s more accessible and going back (when possible to art).

- I will use AO3 some new aesthetics and user name (though probably just thatu) and edit a lot more to fit what I believe is better not because the world changed in general but because so

Did I.

Some of the racism and homophobia will still be there are these are the characters having flaws whose arcs weren’t complete but lots of it will also be changed because I’m 34 now I also the world is changed and some stuff just wouldn’t fly and I kinda hate it (but the old material is still there available on the old

Accounts).

- I’m not sure technology will be adapted but some references will here and there and I can clearly deliver something better now that I’ve taught English for over half of my life and am taking a masters degree on translation studies.

- real life will get me too busy sometimes so please I hope you’re excited but I know lots

Of you also have jobs or even families. So leave reviews and keep

Me company but also understand I was bad at updating before even with better time

Management this is will be a ride.

- I’m doing this to prove myself I can do and make good things.

- This site as well as the thatu blog will be updated.

- if you were a follower and have deleted your tumblr or changed usernames please leave a reply with who we were because I’ve had an eventful few years. I remember most of you, but I may need a nudge.

- both my writing and art style have developed and so did my world views - stuff will look different but hopefully still bring you comfort. And laughter.

And tears…?

- there will be some one shots posted focusing on stuff like grown up characters and new knowledge

We now have though the characterization will still follow the book ones as that’s how I kinda got used to it.

- I’m back but I’ll be getting back slowly and posting updates here. Tell ur friends who haven’t been here in a while but used to be part of our group of

Weirdos.

- I missed being a fandom person and hopefully now I can find solace in you guys back again.

- some new fandoms will pop up, as will

Some

Ships (see what I did there? Find solace? Will some ships? Hehe).

-Some extra texts will be added to whatever adaptations I make especially regarding transphobia and HP though I do intend to finish my Hannah/Neville story.

- maybe I’ll write original

Stuff too who knows?

Also, I missed you, spread the word. There’s a brand new old me in town. New ships, new views, new one shots, edits, a very different music taste (actually no I just added more stuff) and a lot of improved knowledge of vocabs and world geography.

Please spread this to whoever you think might be interested. It’s not popularity or anything, I’m trying to get back some pieces of me I lost along the way and writing and drawing used to be FUN and help me make FRIENDS.

I’ll keep u posted once everything is at least remotely ready to go.

And omg you’ll finally know what Silena had on clarisse.

Oh and I’m still not for writing smut but there will be more Adult/Mature like material as some ships require it and I am older. No minors having descriptive s*x

Of course but u know it’d feel weird to talk about these huge ass long relationships and not bring it up naturally.

Anyway, reply to this with whatever. Leave a like or something too but mostly leave a reply so we can start this journey together -

New younger fans are also welcome I’ll make my best to keep this space as safe as possible!! I teach kids and teens and I’d kill for u to have a place to be you safely.

Also there will now be additions on author notes for whether a ship is canon or fanon what I adapted and new fandoms new ships and trigger warnings before sensitive chapters that deal with stuff that before I wouldn’t.

Love, I’ve missed this,

thatu.

[corpupine]

A Long-Awaited Update

I’ve been putting off writing this update for a while now. Not because I’m suffering or struggling at all—life is actually really good! It’s had some truly awful, crappy stuff mixed in, but for the most part my life is very happy. The reason I’ve been putting this off is that I really don’t know where to start. Most of you will have noticed that I stopped posting updates of NemaTale on here sometime last year. There are a couple of reasons for that that I want to explain, then I want to move on to life updates and what’s coming next for NemaTale.

First: Why did I stop posting on Deviantart?

There’s no special reason or controversy here. I post on three sites: Deviantart, Tumblr, and Tapas. Both Tumblr and Tapas offer a scheduling system so that posts can be queued in advance. I was able to schedule posts on those two sites, but Deviantart doesn’t have that function, so each time there was an update I had to go in and manually enter all the information. As my life got more and more hectic (which will be explained a little bit more in the life updates section), I found that I was forgetting to update on Deviantart. I kept on putting it off, figuring I’d get around to it eventually. But uh, whoops—the end of Chapter 4 has been posted everywhere but on Deviantart! I’ll get those last pages up and running soon, but I wanted to offer some sort of explanation before I did so.

(As a side note: I haven't been keeping up with updating the links between pages on Tumblr, for a similar reason. I'll hopefully get those up and going soon so you guys can read the comic more easily on here.)

Second: What’s going on with Corpupine?

So much, you guys. Soooo much, and most of it is—like I said—truly wonderful. I haven’t been posting updates about my life hardly at all, and I want to maintain privacy, but here’s a few fun things I wanted to tell you about:

-Got a big girl job working for a local publishing company (I’m an editor by day and I love it, but it’s very time and energy consuming)

-Helped my wonderful husband self publish a book (that I edited, naturally)

-Moved to a different city

-Finally, finally finished a draft for a novel I’ve been tinkering with for 9 years

Oh, and also, this:

Yes, in what may be the best (accidentally) kept secret ever, I’m a few months away from giving birth to a baby girl. That has been the main reason for my absence online as my husband and I have been preparing for her arrival. This baby has been very much something we have hoped for, and it took longer than we expected to get this far, so we are very happy. We are over the moon excited, a little freaked out, and ready to snuggle her sooo good.

So with that bombshell dropped, let’s talk a little bit more about the stuff you’re all really here for.

What’s next for NemaTale?

Months before I got pregnant, I had already finished Chapter 5. The script for chapter 6 is about 50% written—the broad strokes are there, I just need to nail down the dialogue. Then I started my big-girl job, and life started to get a little out of control. I was incredibly busy all the time with my job, and helping my husband with his book, and I really wanted to start using any free time just to rest and recuperate. I think that was the best choice for me; too much on my plate would have probably led me to have a nervous breakdown, haha. As it is, I’m doing well emotionally, but . . . I haven’t drawn anything since about June of last year. So we’ve got Chapter 5, totally finished and just waiting to be queued up; chapter 6, partially written; aaaaand then a big black void in front of me. (Why does that word feel so . . . familiar?) That should be scary to me, but it’s not. I’ve accomplished a lot, even if I haven’t progressed on the comic. I’m proud of myself and how far I’ve come. But what does that mean for you guys?

Here's the lowdown: I’m giving birth soon. I’m not going to be able to commit to any sort of comic goals in the near future. I’m not even sure what the future of NemaTale looks like, but I do know this: I still love this story. I don’t want to stop creating it, but now’s not the right time for me to be focusing on that. Sometimes life just gets too full to do everything on the list. I just can’t keep this at the top of my list for now.

Chapter 5 is, as I’ve said, completely ready to go (except for the chapter cover, which I haven’t made yet.) So I’m going to put this choice out to you guys. What do you want? Do you want me to go ahead and post chapter 5 over the next few months and then I’ll just see you all when I see you, somewhere down the line? Or do you want me to wait to post chapter 5 until there is also a chapter 6 officially on the way? That could take many, many months, so be aware of that.

I love the interactions I have with all of you. I’d love to keep having them, even if I won’t be able to post new stuff beyond chapter 5 for a while. But I really am okay doing whatever you guys think is best with regards to posting chapter 5. Just let me know in the comments below.

All right, I think that’s everything. I appreciate your patience with me in all this. In the past year, so much has happened. My husband and I have gone on adventures. I turned twenty-five and I’m finally starting to feel more comfortable in my own skin. I tragically lost one dear relative and for a while we thought we were going to lose another one—which, miraculously, we haven’t. Spring is here, and there’s a little girl kicking me in the ribs as I write this. Life is good.

[legobiwan]

So this is part of a longer story I've been writing but I kind of want to post this here as it just poured from my brain this evening. This may be...somewhat out of character? I don't know, I'm playing with some ideas here. I have some very specific headcanons regarding Luigi and Mario's upbringing in a 1980s Italian-American section of Brooklyn (my guess would be Bensonhurst) and some of the concepts below reflect that.

Imagine, if you will, another post-SPM scenario where Luigi ups and leaves the Mushroom Kingdom a few weeks after the whole Chaos Heart debacle. Mario finds the following note on his desk the morning after Luigi runs away, folded underneath a small, mechanical Yoshi.

-----

Mario - 

There’s no easy way of saying this, so I guess I’m just going to come right out with it. I’m leaving the Mushroom Kingdom. Or, at this point, have left already, if you’re reading this instead of chasing me down the nearest warp pipe. And in case you’re thinking it (I know you are) - don’t. No, I didn’t use the one by the Toadetta Café, and no, I didn’t use your secret passageway near the Royal Stables, either. Suffice it to say I carry more secrets than you, which include my own ways of getting in and out of the Peach’s realm. (Do you honestly think I would travel the same path twice back to the Evershade Valley when King Boo was on my trail? But maybe you would have. Yeah, you probably would - just saunter right up the well-traveled road, same pipe, same time, same place, daring any ghost to show their face. But you know I’ve never been as brave as you).

It’s not your fault. I know you don’t believe me, but please try to. Whatever it is, it’s not your fault. I’d like to say it’s not mine, either, but the next few weeks, few months will reveal the truth of that statement. 

Don’t think I haven’t seen the way you look at me when you think I’m not paying attention. How your entire face just collapses, how your fingers move back and forth like you’ve still got that old rosary from Saint Michael’s in your hands. I don’t know entirely where this guilt is coming from but...maybe you can say a few Hail Marys tonight? Can't hurt. It might even make you feel better. (Hell, if it gets you to stop wearing your hair shirt all the time, I’ll start saying the damned liturgy myself! And you know how I feel about that).

I won’t be gone forever. Well, I hope I won’t, at least. But what I said last night is still true - I’m not the same person I was before the Chaos Heart, before Mr. L, before…everything that happened. Or what I'm pretty sure happened. I know there’s more to the story, more than what you and Peach and Bowser recounted in your short, clinical descriptions. I know there’s more because I can feel it - not the memories of exact actions, but the imprints of emotions - soft indentations of hatred and malice and a terrible pettiness made all the worse by how familiar it feels.

Do you think it’s really gone, Mario? If he’s really gone? They said the Light Prognosticus was only meant to counteract the Dark, that the Chaos Heart was banished, not destroyed. I’ve spent hours looking in the mirror (no, I’m not that vain), my face pressed into the glass, pulling my eyes open as far as I can, skin and tissue stretching to the point of pain. They’re different now, my eyes, I know you’ve seen that. You always notice the little details, make observations, file away certain specks of information for the future. You’re more cerebral than you’d ever like to let on, bro, but don’t worry - I won’t spoil your secret.

It’s just that…I just can’t shake the idea, the intuition that this isn’t over, that there’s something inside me that’s waiting, that’s gestating in all the little crevices between the atoms in my gut and I can’t risk it. I can’t risk endangering the Mushroom Kingdom, the Mushroom People, Princess Peach, can’t risk Daisy or Peasley, or (God help me for saying this) even E. Gadd and his ethically dubious experiments. 

Most of all, though, I can’t risk endangering you. Not again. Never again. Not like that. 

So, a search for answers. A quest, a mission. (Not an adventure. Not anything even close. It’s only an adventure if you’re with me, you know).

A reckoning, maybe.

I hope I find what I’m looking for. I’m not even sure what I’m looking for, but some movement forward has to be better than sitting around the castle picking at battle scars, right? (It’s not your fault. I know you don’t talk about it, but we fought, that much I’m certain of. Why else would you avoid the topic so thoroughly? What else would I, a brainwashed minion of a man bent on triggering the apocalypse, be sent to do? Anyway, the gigantic robot was kind of a giveaway and Bowser made certain we all heard about that).

I guess that leads me into my last thought. 

Mario, I need a favor from you. A promise. Just one thing, and it’s so simple but I know you’ll make it complicated when it’s really not.

If this goes…wrong, somehow. If the Chaos Heart overtakes me again, if…he digs his dirty, spindly fingers into my brain...

If for any reason I come back…bad…

You’ve got to end it. For everyone’s sake (including my own).

(Honestly, I’m a little surprised you didn’t before. I was trying to push along the end of the world, big bro. The Saints would have and will probably forgive you for that one). 

Don’t try and save me. I’m not even sure I could be saved, not a second time. It’s just like Sister Catherine said in middle school, remember? “Luigi’s strayed beyond the grasp of our Lord.” Never liked that old crone. I guess throwing the Good Book out a window didn’t do me any favors in her eyes (or anyone watching from above, I suppose). But it’s true, in a way. I think I’ve strayed beyond the light of good, have strayed past the forest line and into the shadows. 

I think I may have been there all along. 

I love you, bro. I always will. 

Your fratellino,

Luigi

[mmx-code-crimpphire]

If you remember, one Christmas in 2018, I made this post about if there was a made up religion about X. Well, it’s evolved to BOTH X and Zero. And I have made one piece of art relating to it, and some of the Christmas specials mentioning it.

This goes in depth on how it started and blossomed.

I’ll put this under “read more” just in case it’s spoiler territory for anyone enjoying the AU.

Without further ado, let’s get on with it

NEW CHAPTER ON AO3

It all just started with ONE post and I’ll show that here {also "here" for the previous chapter on AO3}. I was decorating that year before thinking about the Christmas special. Specifically listening to “Little Drummer Boy” sung by the Harry Simeone Chorale. A version I am quite fond of listening to in my childhood.

I thought of that version being sung whilst I also thought some of the reploids and humans would have worshiped X in some form or another.

Then it hit me, how X could actually be worshiped based on the fact he saved the world multiple times, and Zero doing so by his side, despite his record of dying at least twice. Before, the idea was mentioned he would only die once but it was scrapped for the two deaths he had canon in the games. I’ll probably talk about those in another post as well, or maybe not. I’ll ask the people in the server directly if they want to see that or not.

As I was developing the Christmas special for 2018, it definitely escalated into both the boys being worshiped at some point. Heh… it’s also kinda funny cuz “worshiped” kinda is a pun off shipping lol-

I’ll shut up about that AHEM anyway-!!

After the special was posted, it kinda got more in-depth of how it would work, and Xiddall was created with the help of my best friend Ashard, and I thought of an animaloid design to fit them. Something similar to Xerneas from the Pokemon X and Y games, basically a deer god-like mechanaloid. I have yet to design them yet, but I hope I do in the near future so you’ll see what they look like, and hopefully make a post about them and how they're created in verse.

X and Zero’s worship then connected to the worship of Xiddall that made Xevdex the son of the god, and Zero the fallen angel from the deep dark space. It’s definitely Hell’s equivalent, but it’s not a downward spiral, it’s more a “the deeper you go in one direction, the darker and deeper it gets” kinda feel. I call it “the Dark Web Abyss”. It may be a placeholder title until it’s called something better that revolves around more of the theme for “Cyberspace”.

There’s also a thing that’s added into the lore of this cult that certain humans and reploids have created that’s made even X and Zero uncomfortable.

Them having the duo’s song as a hymn for their “church”, and every time they heard it being talked about or them singing their song, Xev feels sick to his stomach and Zero has to escort him to help keep them walking. Sometimes they'll run into those worshipers. There's a bit of a spectrum of them where some are very nice and respectable, others on the other end being crazy that they think they saw cryptids, or right smack in the middle where they're a mix of both. Trying to be respectable to an extent but then can't hold in how awesome and honorable it is to be in the presence of the famous X and Zero.

Poor things have to endure it every once in a while, and at least they're able to vent about it to their small close group of friends/found family.

I think they eventually convince the "church of the messiahs" that if Zero writes some hymns for them that they might stop using their song as one, and most agree and apologize profusely while others object to the idea. It probably becomes a whole debate amongst the worshipers, but eventually Zero would write those hymns and the song is sung way less in their services. Which does help Xev feel way more at ease.

Idk I just thought of a funny lil thing I could put in the AU and it kinda expanded from there lmao.

[pumped---up---kicks]

01.07.2023

I’m not sure why I wanted to do a check in at this point but I feel like I’ve had some realisation recently that I feel I really want to write down to remind my future self of the feelings I’m having. 

I’m not sure why but very recently I’ve kind of felt some enlightenment into how short life is and how much I want to experience. For a really long time and probably my whole life, I’ve also let the fear of things, stop me from embracing new challenges or experiences. I don’t tend to deal with change very well and familiarity generally speaking makes me feel comfortable and grounded. I know this about myself and I can tend to catastrophise my life for really no reason. Having said this, I know the things in my life I’ve done that have scared me, have literally brought me the most joy and the best life experiences and actually in the grand scheme of things life is just so short and I don’t want to look back and think I didn’t do something because of fear of the unknown. 

Since returning from travelling, I’ve had this niggling desire to live abroad. Now originally this was going to be alone however with covid happening, and then starting a relationship with my wonderful boyfriend along with other things, this just hasn’t happened. I’m nearing 30 years old and I know if I don’t do it now, it might just be more difficult as more life things get in the way. It might sound silly but I’ve been watching these videos of things old people wish they could tell their younger self and in almost every one, it’s always something along the lines of ‘take the risk’, ‘travel more’, ‘don’t be scared to do things’ and it just really made me think about what me in 30 years time with a happy family will look back and say about my life. Ultimately, I’m totally in control of those things right now. Money will always return but I think life experiences can really escape and I don’t want to feel that way. So, with that schpeel, boyfriend and I are deciding that by the end of 2024 we’ll hopefully be moving to Australia wooooo. It’s far and it’s scary but I think the experience of it will be so worth it in the long run. 

This mindset has just kind of made me feel like I need to stop delaying things and stop being scared of stuff so along with that, I’ll hopefully be moving in with my boyfriend by the end of the year. To be honest, I think I’m done with travelling between each of our homes and even though parting with my rent free life will be difficult it’s a super exciting part of any relationship and I really want to experience it with him. 

I think the last thing I want to say on this is around my work and career aspirations. As always, I seem to have a bit of a 3 year itch with work but I don’t think there’s necessarily anything wrong with that. I thrive off of learning and I have a tonne of transferable experience across all my jobs that I don’t think I’ll ever have a problem finding a job and I see nothing wrong with changing it if I’m unhappy. If I’m being honest, moving to Aus I personally feel like could be the change I’m seeking for careers and if not, I always have my prior experience to fall back on. I know I need money to live and survive but if I’m being honest, a job is just a job and as long as I can comfortably live, there’s nothing to worry about. Seeing the world in the process, is just a massive bonus. 

I look back on my blog posts and often see similar themes of worry and concern with my life and where I’m at but the biggest things I want to really hold on to is just staying positive. I want such a happy life with happy experiences and people I love around me and I think my outlook on life has to shift to feel that. I may not always be happy and that’s totally fine, but just knowing that it will be makes processing any of this change so much easier. I guess, if future me is reading this, and is second guessing all these choices, I just want to say, remember how you felt in this time, breath (it’s not that deep), and live the life you want to live. You’ll only ever regret the choices you never made. 

Okay, ciao for now. 1st July 2023