#I’ll be glad when they’re back safe but will also miss the daily content

[elmaestrostan]

[mashiraostail]

Hiiii, i was wondering if i could request some vlad king and gang orca taking care of their s/o pets. Like if the reader was out of town and asked them to take care of their dogs👉👈 i feel like vlad is such a good doggy dad that the dogs play together and i feel like gang orca would be lost but doing his best and if he was taking care of a cat i like to think it would love being around him because cats love fish and he would just always have his s/o cat cuddling on his lap. Im sorry for ranting lol i love your work you're doing great💕

awwehehe this is so cute since you mentioned dogs for vlad and cats for kugo that's what i went with! also indulged myself and included kugo/ jiro/shoji content bc that seems like such a GOOD FUNNY AND WHOLESOME trio and i wanted more content than we got smh 

Sekijiro Kan/Vlad King: "Hey Sek, I need a huge favor.” You look up from your phone at the taller man who is currently scrunched into the corner of his couch scrutinizing a piece of paper with really terrible handwriting on it.  “Sounds dangerous.” He replies without looking up and you snort dropping to the cushion beside him.  “Only a little, but I think you’re good for it.”  “Alright then, so what’s the favor?” His eyes flick up to you. “I need to go visit a friend out of town.” You sigh, “she had a baby last month, I used to work with her husband and she asked if I wanted to spend some time back home with her for her birthday next week, I should be about five days.” You rest your hands on his knees, “so while I’m out there..would you mind watching Kilo for me? I hate to leave him behind but It’d be a pain to travel so far with him I know he hates trains.”  “That’s a huge favor?” He raises an eyebrow at you, “sure I can watch him. I bet they’ll get along fine.” He glances at his own dog curled up under a chair.  “But only If you can figure out what the hell Monoma tried to write here.”  For all intents and purposes, Kilo was a good dog, a little stupid, but a good dog nonetheless. To be honest, he’s really honored you trust him with the task, you’re the only person he’s met that seems to love your own dog as much as he loves his. Plus it also meant that Kilo had to like him a fair bit which was also a relief, as a dog owner he knew any potential partner was only as compatible with him as they were with his dog, and his dog loved you, he was sure you felt the same way, any partner that Kilo didn’t get along with would be impossible for you to get along with, he found it more than a little reassuring that Kilo seemed to enjoy his company. Past all that, and maybe even most important this was a perfect opportunity to introduce the two dogs. He was sure it was no secret to you but this wasn’t exactly a casual fling, with the way things were going it felt pretty inevitable that he’d ask if you wanted to move in together; but if the two didn’t get along well then..that’d be an issue. Though he was sure if things got tested out now you’d have some time to at least try to get the dogs to be comfortable with each other or hopefully think of some sort of workaround. In his eyes, this was a blessing for him as much as it was a favor to you.  “Are you sure you don’t mind keeping Kilo at your place?” Sekijiro is slightly embarrassed to say how early he arrived at this park, he wanted to tire his own dog out before introducing the pair, he’d advised you to do the same so you were walking to the park, you'd called him on your way.  “Of course I don’t mind babe.” He tosses a ball from his seat on the bench and watches his pudgy bulldog trot over to it, “it’ll be easier this way, right?”  “Yeah that’s true, I just don’t want Kilo wrecking any of your stuff, he always means well but he gets into trouble sometimes-”  “Don’t worry about it, he’ll be a model student by the time you get back.” He hears you laugh into the receiver at that. “I don’t doubt that, I’m almost there, I’ll see you in a few okay?”  “Yeah sure thing, can’t wait.” You huff out another laugh at him before hanging up.  “Sekijiro!” You chirp brightly at the sight of the man, he’s too busy taking you in to respond. Kilo’s trotting a foot or so in front of you on his leash, that old joke about dogs looking reminiscent of their owners was certainly true in your case, you both looked delighted to see him and beyond that, you were practically glowing... Maybe he just had a thing for people who were good with animals.  “Hey Sek?” You lean down in front of him.  “Hey! He welcomes Kilo between his knees, the mixed breed was a bit larger than his dog who was currently bounding back to him with a ball and sufficient slobber hanging from his mouth, the size difference in mind though Kilo was a hell of a lot less bulky, he was practically streamlined, Sekijiro had seen how fast the dog could run with his own eyes. He could see why you took so much pride in the dog, he was definitely beautiful his coat was long, wavy, and shiny and he had big blue eyes and admittedly the cutest pink nose and spotted tongue Sekijiro had ever seen.  “Thanks so much again for doing this I really-” An excited bark pulls your attention downwards, “look who it is!” You sing, crouching down to pet the panting dog, “you sure look tired. Sekijiro is working you too hard.” You frown at him as he hops up to rest his front paws on your thighs. “Don’t be ridiculous.” Sekijiro laughs, “but he is worn out, I guess Kilo is too though.” Kilo’s head is on his knee, the larger dog is panting too.  They seem to notice each other, and approach with a lazy curiosity. They sniff around each other for a bit but after that return to their respective activities, seemingly unbothered by each other and the proximity of the other dog to their owner. Kilo didn’t mind your cooing at Vlad’s dog who didn’t seem to mind Kilo’s head in his owner's lap. With that little bit of reassurance, you hand him Kilo’s leash and a bag of his stuff; food dish, some toys and treats and the like, and then you part ways after promising to call him when you get to your home town safely.  All in all the coming days are pretty uneventful, Kilo joins them on their daily walks, eats at the same time with no trouble, finds a comfortable place to sleep each night.  “Is Kilo alright?” Your voice is nervous in the receiver.  “He’s better than babe, seriously they’re getting along great.”  “God that’s such a relief.” You sigh, “the pictures you’ve sent are cute..gosh I miss him.” You pout a little. “Gee I miss you too babe.” He mutters it with a playful edge to his voice and you gasp,  “I was going to say I miss you too but forget it!”  “don’t be mean!” He complains back, “I was kidding! And anyway I miss you. How’s it been out there?”  You go off on your usual tangents before ending up back at square one.  “Oh! I called you for a reason actually!” You remember, “I’ll be a little bit late getting back on Sunday, one of the trains is going to be down so I’m taking a later one, I should be back around midnight now would you mind-”  “Of course not babe, I’ll get you from the station so-”  “No no! It’s okay you’ve already done so much that’s not what I was going to ask! I just wanted to be sure you wouldn’t mind keeping Kilo around for the extra time...I can get a taxi, seriously don’t wait up for me!”  “Well just come to my place when you get back right?”  “I wouldn’t wanna wake you up-”  “It’s been way too long since I saw you last, so I don’t mind, if you won’t let me pick you up from the station at least come right here.”  “You’re convincing.” You laugh a little, embarrassment heating up your face, “I guess that’s fine with me then...” A distant sounding voice pulls you away from the receiver, “Sek I have to go, I’ll call you again soon though!”  “Don’t worry about anything babe.” He reassures you as you hang up.  There is one minor spat over a rope toy but it’s resolved easily enough and the pair seem to get on swimmingly after that, even sharing a couch cushion and occasionally resting their heads on each other, they become incredibly fast friends, which is probably the biggest relief on the planet to Sekijiro. Watching the two of them play tug of war in his living room or witnessing their schemes to get leftovers off the counter on Thursday night essentially cement his vision of a future with you.  If you were being totally honest it was embarrassing how attractive you found Sekijiro getting along with your dog to be, you’d never got the obsession of handsome guys holding cute babies but seeing some of the photos he’d sent to you over the almost 6 days you were gone made butterflies crop up in your stomach the likes of which you’d only felt when he was actively trying to fluster you...but this seemed totally unintentional. To say you were incredibly eager to go home and see him (jump his bones) felt like an understatement. It’s past midnight when you get back and the place is mostly dark, you see a vaguely bulldog shaped blob partially under a blanket on the couch, but the snoring it emits gives away it’s identity easily. You leave your bag at the door and venture into the apartment, poking your nose into the bedroom.  Of course, Sekijiro is there, dead asleep on his back, and who’s with him but Kilo, his head resting on the blood hero’s chest one of his hands resting on top of it.  “Oh Vlad-” You coo, you practically sing it at him.  “Wha-whatsitwhat-” He rubs his face as he picks his head up, “oh, hey welcome back ‘s good to see you, missed you-”  “You’re so sweet-” You’re already at the side of his bed, leaning down and kissing him.  “What’s-” Sekijiro takes a minute to process everything before he realizes it’s Kilo’s head on his chest making you act like this.  “Oh no way, he’s been a total angel-”  “I’m so glad he likes you so much-” You murmur it between kisses, to his lips and various other spots on his cheeks and jaw, “you guys are adorable together.”  “I’m glad you think so-” He cuts himself off with a yawn and turns into your lips, kissing you again before speaking, “you weren’t kidding about that late train huh? It’s almost 1 AM, you must be exhausted, there’s plenty of room for you in here so come on.” 

Kugo Sakamata/Gang Orca: “Hey, Kugo...” You approach him from behind and wrap your arms around his shoulders, leaning against the back of the chair he’s sat in.  “Yes?” One hand comes up to cover your forearm the other stays dutifully at work.  “You love me, right?” You rest your head against his and he pricks up at the inquisition.  “Of course I do, why would you ask a question like that? Is something wrong?”  The way his hand subtly squeezes your arm isn’t lost on you.  “Hmm..no nothing's wrong.” You lean into him and close your eyes as he sighs good-naturedly. “Then what? Did you just want to hear me say it?” He leans back into you, “I guess I could entertain that...” His thumb swipes a long stroke over the skin of your forearm, “I love you, dear.” He can feel you prickle up at that behind him. “I love you too Kugo.” You squeeze him tighter and he huffs out a quiet laugh. “I’m glad to hear it. Now is that all you needed?” He puts his pen down to bring his other hand up to your arms, “I’m a bit busy. You’re welcome to stay there if you like though I just need to finish some paperwork and make a few phone calls. After that, we can do whatever you like for the night.”  “Well, now that you mention it there was just one more thing. I’ll be fast I promise.” Your hand slides underneath his lapel and into his jacket.  “Don’t worry I can make a bit of time for you then, what’s the matter?” You make eye contact with him through his darkened computer screen.  “My boss invited me to this big conference next week, it’s a pretty great opportunity and I could meet some important people..” You explain, biting your lip, “it could be really good for me to branch out even she thinks so, and getting some more experience will be great, and it’s pretty close to my hometown so I figured I'd stop in and see some old friends after I got done..It’d be about 5 or so days and I’d really like to go.” You sigh and he seems more than a little confused based on his reflection.   “That does sound like a great opportunity for you, you’re right..what’s the problem then? Do you need advice about something?” His confusion doesn’t quell even as you kiss his temple. “I probably will later but for now the problem is Luna.” “Your cat?” Kugo piques, “why is she a problem?”  You sigh, “if I’m not around no one will be there to feed her and make sure she stays out of trouble.”  “Oh is that it? That’s no problem at all dear, I can look after her for you. Is that what you were going to ask me?”  “You don’t mind?” You perk up, “I don’t want to trouble you...and I know I could just as easily leave a key under my mat and have a neighbor do it but I trust you so much more and-”  “It’s no trouble, really.” Kugo laughs a little, "I pass by your apartment all the time on patrols, I’m sure the interns won't mind if I make a stop and head up to check on her every now and again.”  “Oh! You can totally bring them up if they like cats!” He laughs at that too.  “Was that all?”  “Mhm.” You nod and use the motion to nestle into him a bit, “Thank you Kugo.”  ”It’s really my pleasure. Leave it to me, alright?”  All things considered, Kugo’s also pretty honored to be trusted with the task of watching your pet cat, he knows how much you love and worry about her, you dote on her all the time, and if the copious amount of photos you send him of her say anything she’s definitely your pride and joy. For the most part, you spent the bulk of your time with Kugo at his own home, due largely to the fact that he was larger than average and he existed a fair bit more comfortably there, but he paid you visits in your apartment from time to time and had met the cat, she seemed to like him plenty which was a relief as well.  You stop at Kugo’s before you leave and give him a list of things to double-check when he stops in, though you reassure him that there shouldn’t be any problems, Luna was pretty independent and mellow she didn’t like going outside so he didn’t have to worry about her escaping or anything like that. He tries to stop in at least 3 times a day, before, during, and after patrols, he knows that’s probably overkill, you spend all day at work and have never had an issue but he hates the idea of something happening to the feline on his watch. Plus even if he wouldn’t readily admit it he saw this as a perfect time to get on the cat's good side, you said she already loved him but he wasn’t convinced. He knew how much you loved her and any vision of your future that he had always featured the mellow feline so in his mind it was imperative they got on well. On top of that, he was glad you trusted him with something as small and delicate as Luna, she fits pretty comfortably in his hand and was as fragile as she was petit, but you never seemed off-put by the idea of him holding her or petting her, in fact, you encouraged it. The way you even wanted him near her when you weren’t around to supervise put him at ease about his strength and size, he always worried about breaking delicate things, but that wasn’t a worry you seemed to echo.  “Is something going on in that building?”  Shoji looks up at your complex as he pauses by it, “you’re stopping here a lot since yesterday.”  “Huh? Oh. Actually no... well nothing of importance to you. I’m...catsitting.” Jiro holds her breath the hold in the laugh, “Catsitting?”   “Yes...my partner is away at a work conference, the cat in question is theirs.” Kugo nods, “if you like cats you can come up and meet her, she’s actually quite friendly.”   Kugo was pretty used to Luna at this juncture, but whenever other people met her it was easy to see why you were so proud of her, she was quite the stunning cat, a long dark grey and black coat with big green eyes and a swishing tail, her paws were colored as if she was wearing boots.  “Wow...she’s really pretty, I’ve never seen a cat like this.” Jiro was crouched on the ground, stroking her neck.  “I was surprised too.” Kugo confesses, “they found her in a box on the side of the road about a year before we met. She was only a kitten then. Her name’s Luna.”  She seemed to like the pair equally alternating between them, rubbing against their legs and shuffling her head into their palms.  “She is very friendly.” Shoji remarks as she purrs at him, attempting to climb into his lap.  “She’s good at getting into trouble, but she usually means well. You can stay with her for a minute.” He sets off to double-check the usual; food, water, litterbox, the loose window that she’s always wiggling open despite having no desire to climb out of it, he waters a few plants and straightens up anything she knocked over as well. When he returns she's overturned on Shoji’s lap.  “You’re getting along well.” He swipes a pillow she’d knocked over up and replaces it on the couch.  “She’s really sweet!” Jiro is scratching her stomach. “I’m glad to hear it.”   “Hey..sorry if this is too personal or whatever but I didn’t know you were.. dating someone... We didn’t snoop or anything though!” She swears, holding both hands up, the cat looks disgruntled at the loss of attention.  “It’s alright I trust you.” Kugo waves her off, “Luna looks too comfortable anyways, you’ve clearly been petting her this whole time.” He adds with a small chuckle. At the sound of her name, she rolls over and winds around his feet, circling through his ankles and pawing at his pants until he lifts her up.  “To answer you though yes I am seeing someone.” He holds Luna with one hand, his ring and middle finger scratching the patch of grey fur on her chest.  “Are they a hero too?” She wonders, straightening up.  “No...no they’re not, I’m not very public about this sort of thing.”  Shoji contemplates that, “they have a nice apartment.”  “That is true, it’s a good job, and they do have a pretty keen eye for decorating” He agrees, looking around amicably.  “Have you guys been together for a long time?” Jiro blurts out before feeling color float up to her cheeks, “sorry I don’t mean to be rude... I just never pictured you like this I guess I’m curious-”  “It’s okay, most people don’t, and yes, we’ve been together a while now.” Kugo raises a hand to calm her, “but like I said before I’m not very public about things like this which is why you wouldn’t have heard..though either way, even when we do go out together... most people don’t assume I do that sort of thing, and to be frank, we aren’t the most...visually compatible pair..” He says that with a distinct fondness in his voice and then continues, “like you said, you don’t really picture me in this sort of light, most people don’t so hero gossip tabloids tend to leave me alone for the most part, I get a fair bit of freedom when it comes to this sort of thing because of that. There are probably plenty of photos of us together out there, though people usually assume they’re my manager or a secretary or just a friend.” Luna is purring loudly in his hand, her body largely slack against his chest. He walks her over to the couch and sets her down, which she warbles angrily at, “to be honest though I prefer it this way. I’m a private person.”  “That makes sense...well, their cat sure likes you.” Shoji points and Kugo chuckles.  “I’m fond of her myself.” Kugo admits, “everything is as it should be here so we can head out again, sorry for the tangent.” He scratches Luna’s neck and sighs, “as for you I’ll be back tonight. So try to behave until then, for my sake alright?”  Jiro tries not to laugh at the sight. “I didn’t think you’d actually bring them up! Did they like her?”  You sound delighted about it over the phone that night.  “I may have knocked a few intimidation points off of myself, but yes they thought she was cute.” He was sitting with her, contemplating staying the night here. He was embarrassed to say it but this was the longest you’d spent apart in a while and despite any appearances, he had gone soft and was starting to miss you, being around your stuff was nice even if he didn’t fit too well in your bed.  “I don’t think you’re very intimidating at all.” You peep back thoughtlessly. “Well, I’d sure hope not.” He chuckles and leans against the couch, “she’s been good too I was,..expecting her to break more.”  Truthfully Kugo wasn’t sure what he was expecting, he never had pets growing up and hero work didn’t give much free time to consider one, it took a day to get comfortable with her, and even now he was watching his every step for her. “I’m glad to hear that!” You laugh, “she’s a pretty great cat isn't she?”  “I have to agree..” Kugo wouldn’t mind having her around all the time, the longer he sat on your couch and contemplated it the more he realized he wouldn't mind having the both of you around all the time. Was this some sort of emotional sign to ask you to stay with him? He’d give that more thought at a later date.  “Kugo are you listening?” “Of course I am.” He was not. You don’t seem perturbed though, chuckling and then sighing fondly, “I’m gonna go shower then call it a night, I miss you two though.”  Kugo looks down at the cat on his lap and he nods, “we miss you too. I’ll be up for a bit longer so call or text me if you need anything.”  “You shouldn’t stay up so late Kugo it’s bad for you-”  “I know, I know, I’ll turn over a new leaf when you get back.”  “Sure you will.” You snort, “I love you Kugo.”  “I love you too, I’ll see you soon.”  You wanted to see Kugo first thing when you got back but you were so exhausted that you can’t help sulking to your own place, things had gone well enough but all the commotion and travel really drained you. You were sure it wasn’t anything spending some time or even a night with Kugo couldn’t fix though. When you shoulder your door open though there’s Kugo, sitting on your couch.  “Kugo, you’re here?” He’s holding some papers in one hand, the other is holding Luna’s back, keeping her against his chest.  “I was just checking in on her but every time I tried to leave she started..making a weird noise.”  “Weird like how?” You chuckle, suddenly feeling much better.  “Sort of like screaming. But cat-like. I sat down and she clawed her way up here, then fell asleep and almost fell off, but I caught her and she hasn’t moved since.”  “And... how long ago was that?”  “What time is it?” “Half-past 6.”  “2 hours ago. I didn’t want to wake her.”  “Kugo.” You laugh and sit beside him, “you’re so sweet.” You wrap both of your arms around one of his and lean into his shoulder, “I missed you so much.”  “I missed you too.” Kugo sets the papers down on the pile by the arm of the couch, “It's sort of embarrassing but I even stayed here a few nights because of it. I can’t remember the last time I went even 2 days without seeing you.” He appreciates the way you seem to melt into him at that.  “That’s not embarrassing it’s sweet, you’re so cute Kugo...” You lean up and kiss him, “such a big softie aren’t you?”  A soft hum is his reply as you pull away, “was she any trouble? Be honest.” “I was worried at first that I’d screw it up somehow but it went fine.” He confesses as he lifts the cat off his chest and she’s sleepy and limp in his big hand, purring contentedly.  “She was acting up the 2nd day but I think she was just confused about not seeing you. Then she got used to me and was alright.”  “That’s cute..” You yawn and clamber onto his lap, “god all that traveling tired me out...you’ve been stuck here for 2 hours but I might have to trap you a little longer to take a catnap of my own. I think Luna’s onto something...” You nestle into his shoulder, grateful to feel his arms come around you.  “Don’t worry about me.” He hums as Luna curls up in the sliver of space between your bodies, “I just want to finish reading over some things. Then I'll bring you both to bed.”  “You’ll stay tonight?” You yawn again and he hums, you can tell he’s smiling even though you can’t see him. “Would you like me to?”  You nod into his shoulder, “yeah, I would...”  “Alright then I will. Now go to sleep, you need it.” 

[fanfoolishness]

Mandalorian live-blogging, chapter 12, the Siege!

What did the Client really want to do with Grogu? He didn’t exactly seem to be on good terms with Gideon.

Din: “I finally know where I’m taking you — away from my life but not from my heart *cryyyyyy*” — oh wait, was that not the one?

The very practiced way Din is asking Grogu to do complicated shipboard maintenance suggests this has absolutely happened how many times before?

Din is so expressive here! All his gestures! So much nodding! His “no!” Hands! Shit, maybe my storyline about Din teaching Grogu sign is being carried on right here.

This may be the longest amount of time Din Djarin has spent continuously talking in about a year. I love how Grogu brings it out of him. He’s clearly exasperated by the shitty ship, but endlessly patient with Grogu, and I love how his voice absolutely conveys both of those emotions simultaneously

The tender way he says “no no no” to Grogu is so gentle.

I also love his contentedly narrating to Grogu as a part of their daily routine

I could easily watch 20 minutes of that type of content every episode and try to include pure adorableness like that in just about every fic I write

Oh, Cara Dune... why are you such an enjoyable character played by such an obnoxious person? I’m glad Gina Carano is taking her nonsense elsewhere, especially since it was clear she’d had multiple warnings, multiple chances to educate herself, but damn, I am gonna miss Cara on screen lugging Din around like a rag doll, or just smashing people in the face. I really appreciated seeing a woman on screen with the physique and capability to be that effortlessly kickass.

Din Djarin, wearing a jetpack: scrambles off his shitty ramp with all the grace of a flying lobster

I love the dynamic of Greef and Cara and Din. I hope we at least get to see Greef again! Maybe he’ll be like “now that the town’s cleaned up, the Marshal’s moved on.” Also, since when do we have Marshal in Star Wars? I’ve seen how many SW movies how many times, and no such thing as local law enforcement, let alone local law enforcement with a Western flair? Then all of a sudden Mando S2 shows up with Cobb Vanth and Cara Dune and I’m wondering if it’s an actual legal position in the Outer Rim and like, a cultural title of Outer Rim humans on many worlds (because it sure as shit doesn’t sound like a title you’d take in the Core Worlds).

Anyway, Greef’s actual love and adoration of Grogu is the sweetest. Maybe he and Peli can start a Grogu fan club and be the founding auntie and uncle.

Still can’t believe I missed that statue of IG-11 until I saw it pointed out here on tumblr.

Just think of how this is probably the first time Din’s been around this many children since Sorgan. And Sorgan kids had it different, they had a world that loved and protected them, and a place they could freely be above ground, and so that was fine; and Din had thought the children of his covert, the foundlings, they were fine too. But then it turns out it wasn’t true, the foundlings weren’t safe, they were slaughtered. And this is Nevarro, a township that wasn’t Home, but was nonetheless home to his people; and he remembers a little school in their hidden, simple covert for the foundlings in their training helmets; and he’s both heartened and pained that this group of children, at least, are able to be schooled in a safe place.

Din trusts these people as much as he’s trusted any non-Mandalorians, and it’s a lot! He knows he can ask them for help with the ship, he knows they saved his life and Grogu’s. And yet still see how unsure he is to leave Grogu at the school! He knows they don’t mean harm, he sees how beautiful and well-used the school is, he knows it should be safe... but he still stares after Grogu, barely looking at Cara, wanting to follow him. “Wherever I go, he goes,” says Din desperately, barely bearing to trust that anyone else could keep the kid safe like he could.

I keep thinking I need to write a fic of him flying off to go get Grogu at the end, now that I’m rewatching it, perhaps now is the time!

I’d love to have some of these kids’ Star Wars hairstyles

Hey! The Maelstrom! I know that! You know Han Solo did the Kessel Run in under 12 parsecs? And I love correcting people when they think SW didn’t know what they were talking about? Parsecs ARE a unit of distance and that’s what Han meant because of the Maelstrom! He got dang freaking close to it! Anyway I’m just very excited because y’all do realize they built the Sun Crusher in the Maelstrom? Anyone here read those books?

Grogu is such a little shit! and he really did just say “Patu,” huh

I love Greef’s beard. I love it! Are we saying it enough? It’s great!

So is Nevarro basically an asteroid? Are they seriously flying to the other side of the planet for this? Maybe it’s tiny? How can Din fly over half a planet on a jetpack? Nevarro must be a galactic pebble.

I could watch Din just get in and out of vessels all day long

Din is just so excited to use the Phoenix and I love that he’s not that good at it but loves it anyway. “Hold tight”

Lava tide? The hell is this shit planet.

Din is not impressed by stormtroopers one little bit. I love him standing there all nonchalant.

Din is just sooooo shiny in this episode.

Cast it into the fire, Isildur!

Why do these bases never have guard rails for these giant drops

The Mythrol asked the same question 1.3 seconds later

Mythrol? Cracks of doom? Mithril??? A coincidence? Surely not

Greef I love your outfit so much

Yeaaaaaaah get those Snoke-looking bitches outta here

Din with a horrible sinking feeling... “I don’t like this...”

Din is heavily regretting letting this man live rn

Din must have been seeing. FUcking. RED

You know if they stop building their hallways with fucking COVER the stormtroopers won’t keep getting killed in them by enemy assailants with better weapons and aim

Din running to get his son <3

Cara SMASH and I love it

Din, you flew away over the LAVA? That is so badass. And I love his very clumsy superhero landing. And taking a running leap off the top of the lava flat

I love that Cara doesn’t quite get the whole kid thing, but totally supports Din in his love of fatherhood

Cara would be GREAT at driving the Mako

I do love how often environmental hazards take out scouttroopers on their speeder bikes. Like, no shit! You’re a human trying to go 300 miles an hour? Since when is our reaction time capable of that???

Dammit TIE fighters! They’re much more intimidating on a planet, actually. They pack a serious punch when you aren’t shooting ship-sized lasers back at them

Yes!!! The shitty little Razor Crest that could!

And Grogu’s excitement! He trusts Din so much now that it doesn’t even enter his mind they might be in danger. He just knows Din’s here, we’re gonna have fun, I trust him.

And think how much Grogu has grown since S1. He would have been hiding in the back with all of that excitement beforehand, not excited and waving his hands and giggling

Din is just... resigned to Grogu being sick. And he could clean Grogu up and go back to see Greef, but he just wants to make sure the kid’s okay... especially after what he’s just learned about Moff Gideon.

I do miss the slower pacing of S2. I would have liked another episode in between this and The Jedi where Din just sort of processes and deals with all of this new information.

Oh hurr hurr wait I write fanfic

I like that some of these Imps don’t have the Coruscanti accent. They’re just like... y’know, American.

Gideon is so childishly pleased by his Darktroopers, like get over yourself, dingus

If Favreau took this episode I wonder if that means he wanted to make sure all the mythology and shit is going according to plan. Or maybe I’ve just been watching too much X-Files. If Chris Carter wrote an ep, it was mythology ONLY, and that was it.

The end! Maybe I’ll write tomorrow :)

[hobeymakar]

Unapologetically | C. Makar Part 1

Chapter word count: 3,526

A/N: Title from the song Unapologetically by Kelsea Ballerini. This is my first chaptered fic in a long time and my first written on here, so please be kind. This fic is based off a set of very vivid reoccurring dreams I’ve had over the last couple of months that involve Cale and like the true psycho I am, I wrote the big things that happened in those dreams down. Then I decided recently to just turn it to a fic, so this is pretty self-indulgent. Is it possibly narcissistic of me to write a fic about me? Maybe, but I’m gonna write it anyway. This first chapter is gonna be a lil boring and weird because it has a lot of time skips but Chapter 2 will be much more exciting and way better

Shoutouts: @pizzasloot and @hockey-and-wine for being my biggest cheerleaders for writing for this fic in the gc and also shoutout to @grenawitka​ for always keeping the gc lit. I love you girls!

Warnings: explicit language, alcohol use

-

Tatyana “Taty” Marie Ventura or “Ace” as she is now being known as, never thought that when she started a podcast in the comfort of her Rhode Island home, that she would kind of blow up. Taty started the Ace of Hockey podcast because she wanted a career in hockey media and wanted to do it her way, being unapologetically herself. She started the podcast and started messaging hockey players and other athletes in hopes that they would come onto the podcast to talk about diversity and inclusion in the sport.

That’s how she finds herself on an early October evening receiving a message from Cale Makar on how he’s a fan of the podcast. She internally screams because she never thought an actual hockey player would listen to the podcast. She assumed only hockey fans would listen to the podcast and that it would never reach the notoriety of other hockey podcasts.

From: calemakar_

Hey, just wanted to say that I’m a big fan of your podcast. Buddy of mine showed it to me and I think it’s fantastic. It’s helping me learn how to be a better ally

To: calemakar_

Thank you so much, that means a lot honestly!

From: calemakar_

You’re welcome. I’ve been showing it to the team and they think it’s great for them to learn how to be better allies

To: calemakar_

Wow, that means so much! I just want people to know that hockey is great but it would be so much better if it became inclusive to everyone regardless of sex, gender, race, ethnicity, religion, etc. I just want hockey to really be for everyone

From: calemakar_

That's what we all want. We don't want anyone to feel like they can't play or enjoy hockey because of who they are

She doesn't know how to keep the conversation because she's awkward and just lets the dm sit there. She turns her attention to the latest hockey news and figuring out who's gonna be her next guest for the podcast.

A few hours later, she sees a follow request on her personal IG account and not the podcast account. She sees it's from Cale and is confused on why he would want to follow her personal account. She barely posts stuff about the podcast on there and uses it more to keep up with family with the occasional posts promoting the podcast and the guests. She accepts the request and doesn't think anything of it.

A few days later, she notices that he's been liking her posts and viewing her stories. He's been seeing her interact with family and friends and she still doesn't understand why he cares enough to keep up with her personal account. It starts becoming weird when he adds her on snapchat.

She sends him a dm on instagram to make sure it's actually him and not someone pretending to be him.

To: calemakar_

This might sound totally weird but did you just add me on snapchat?

From: calemakar_

Yeah I'm sorry. Josty thought it would be funny to hijack my phone and add you

To: calemakar_

No need to apologize, I just wanted to make sure it was actually you and not someone trying to be you to catfish girls

From: calemakar_

Yeah no, definitely my account

She accepts him as a friend on Snapchat and sends him a message.

To: Cale Makar

Hope it's okay I added you back

From: Cale Makar

Yeah, that's cool. You didn't have to tho. Don't want you to feel like you had to

To: Cale Makar

Trust me I added you back because I wanted to. I don't just accept anybody

She hits send before she can even think twice about it but then she reads it back and wants the ground to swallow her whole. She panics as she watches the delivered turn into a read and the little bubbles show up saying he's typing. It feels like forever before Cale sends a response back.

From: Cale Makar

Well I'm glad you didn't add me back out of pity

She doesn't know how to respond to that right away so she opens up other messages and posts updates on her work on her story. She goes back to the messages and starts typing a response, not wanting to leave him on read forever.

To: Cale Makar

Why would anybody do that?

She exits out of it and hopes that her attempts at extending a conversation aren't met with disappointment.

From: Cale Makar

I admit you got me there

To: Cale Makar

I get people to say that a lot

From: Cale Makar

Never picked you as the type to brag

To: Cale Makar

There's a lot of layers to me and a lot of things you don't know about me

From: Cale Makar

Well I hope I get to know more about you

She blinks multiple times not knowing if the message was actually real. After blinking several times, she realizes the message was real and she lets out a squeal. Is he actually flirting with her? She pinches herself because she must be dreaming. There's no way her favorite hockey player and crush is flirting with her. Shit like that doesn't happen to her! She has zero game and has been on a grand total of zero dates in her life. She has had zero boyfriends and girlfriends in her life, so this is something brand new for her.

Maybe she's reading it wrong? Maybe he's just being polite and isn't actually flirting. She decides it's better not to stress it and just go with the flow. 

That's how she approaches the next couple of weeks with her pumping out content for her podcast, working her actual day job, and working on her social media game for the podcast. She also dms tons of people she sees as potential guests on the podcast. 

Her conversations with Cale become more frequent as she eventually finds herself sending him snaps daily. He actually feels comfortable enough to comment on her posts on her personal IG page now and she honestly doesn't know how this is all even real.

Like before she's not stressing it and is going with the flow. However, on the day of Cale's 22nd birthday, she gets hit with a message that causes her to freak out a little.

From: Cale Makar

Hey, is it cool if I got your number? It's much easier if I can just text you. I like you and want to keep getting to know you more

She hyperventilates because she has never had another human being shoe this much interest in her, her whole life. She pinches herself to make sure it's real and it really is real. Cale Makar actually asked for her number. She doesn't know if she should be jumping for joy or preparing for something to go wrong. This is completely uncharted waters for her and she doesn't know if she should go with her heart or her mind. Her mind is telling her not to do it, but her heart is telling her to do it. After a minute, she decides to go with her heart.

To: Cale Makar

Yeah, that's totally cool! (xxx-xxx-xxxx)

She sees a text from an unknown number a minute later pop up on her phone

From: xxx-xxx-xxxx

Hey, it's Cale

She saves the number under the name "Cale 🥰" and types out a response

To: Cale 🥰

Hey, happy birthday btw! Hope you're having fun!

From: Cale 🥰

Thank you I'm in Calgary rn with my family

To: Cale 🥰

Glad you're having fun with them

From: Cale 🥰

Thank you it's good to be back home

To: Cale 🥰

I can imagine! I'll let you get back to your family

She focuses on getting ready for Halloween, which also happens to be her sister's birthday. Her sister is turning 21 this year and she wants to make the most of it, even in the midst of a pandemic. They plan on going to Salem, Massachusetts with family and throwing a little party at a cousin's house in Brookline, Massachusetts. She sees Cale post pictures and videos on his Snapchat story of him and his family celebrating his birthday. She sees all his teammates wishing him a happy birthday on Instagram and Twitter.

As she’s getting ready to go to bed that night, she gets a video call from Cale.

“Hello?” she asks, not knowing why he would be calling her.

“Ace!” he shouts, causing her to cringe slightly.

“How’s your birthday going?” she asks.

“Great! I’m with my brother and some buddies from back home! We got a bonfire going on right now!” he explains, showing off the fire and his brother and friends.

She wants the ground to swallow her whole because she looks absolutely disgusting with her hair tied up in a bun, and old URI sweatpants and an URI sweatshirt on. She has no makeup on and she’s pretty sure she has some acne on her face.

“Hey Ace! I’m Taylor, Cale’s brother!” Taylor shouts in excitement.

She can clearly tell that he’s buzzed, as well as Cale.

“Hey Taylor,” she smiles, waving at him politely.

His buddies also introduce themselves and she can tell that they’re also slightly buzzed. A part of her hopes that they aren’t driving and are gonna make it back home safely whether tonight or the following day.

“You should come!” one of his friends suggests.

“I’d love to but I live in America and the border is still closed,” she replies, feeling slightly awkward.

“It’s a shame! I know Cale really misses his girl right now!” another friend chimes in, causing her to almost choke on her wine.

“I’m not his-”

“He won’t stop talking about you! He’s got it bad for you!” another friend adds, causing her to blush even more.

If the ground would swallow her up right now, that would be amazing because she can't believe the shit that she’s hearing right now. She doesn’t know if it’s the alcohol that has his friends saying that but a part of her wishes it’s true. God, a part of her wants him to want her because she definitely likes him. She likes everything about him but she’s too much of a loser to put herself out there more. So she just lets him do all the talking and flirting because once again, she has no game.

“Shut up Taylor!” Cale cries out, shoving his brother lightly.

“Well you seem to be having a fun time with your friends,” she says, not wanting to bring up anything that was said about his feelings for her. 

“It would be better if you were here,” he adds, his voice dropping slightly in volume.

“Yeah, well maybe we’ll meet one day,” she adds, not wanting to sound desperate to meet him or anything.

“When I get back to the States, I’ll make that a reality,” he replies, sounding sincere for being slightly intoxicated.

She’s reminded of the saying that drunken words are sober thoughts and gets a warm feeling in her stomach.

“Well I’ll let you keep having fun, birthday boy. I’ll talk to you later,” she smiles.

“Bye Ace,” he smiles back, before ending the call.

She immediately refills her glass of wine because she’s definitely too sober to be thinking about all the feelings Cale manages to give her every time they talk. She eventually falls asleep and if she dreamed about being in Calgary with Cale, she’ll blame it on the alcohol fucking with her dreams.

The next day is a busy one for Taty as she celebrates her sister’s 21st birthday in the best way she can while in the middle of a pandemic. They go to Salem, Massachusetts and have a blast doing many Halloween-related activities and then once it gets late, they head down to their cousin’s place in Brookline, Massachusetts to watch Halloween movies and to have a good time. Her sister decides to get drunk and Taty posts all their adventures on her Snapchat and her Instagram. She also sees that Cale has been posting his Halloween adventures on Snapchat, which aren’t as exciting this year because there’s no Avs Halloween party this year due to it still being the offseason and not everyone on the team is in Denver at the moment.

The next few weeks go by for Taty and it eventually gets to the point that she’s video chatting with Cale every day. They sometimes will stay up until late at night just talking and getting to know each other. Every day she’s becoming more comfortable and it’s on the first day of training camp, where she decides she’s finally gonna grow a pair and let him know how she feels.

He calls her after a long day at training camp and she actually has the time to talk to him as she isn’t working on anything for the podcast or her day job. 

“How was camp?” she asks him, as she locks herself in her room.

The last thing she needs is for her nosy ass sisters to eavesdrop on her conversations with Cale.

“It was tiring but fun. It was great to be out there with the guys again, even though everything is so weird with the virus going on,” he explains.

“Oh I bet, I can’t imagine all the testing and the extra precautions you guys have to take. The whole season is gonna be super weird huh,” she replies.

“Yeah, weird is a bit of an understatement,” he chuckles lightly.

“I really like you,” she blurts out, then immediately wishes the ground would swallow her whole.

She buries her face in her hands and contemplates ending the call to save herself from further embarrassment.

“Oh thank god! I was starting to think you didn’t really feel the same,” he admits, biting his lip.

“No I definitely like you. It’s just I’m new to this. I’ve never dated before or anything. I’m kind of a giant loser if you haven’t already caught on,” she admits, almost rambling at the end.

“Yeah no, you’re not a loser! You’re the coolest, most fun girl I’ve ever talked to and I just want to keep getting to know you because I really like you,” he assures her.

"So are we putting a label on this? Are we dating?" she asks.

"I guess you can say we're long distance dating," he chuckles lightly.

"I did know our video chats were considered dates," she teases.

"I was seeing them as dates and I want our future ones to be considered dates," he confesses.

"Alright so set up our next date," you tease.

"I know you're recording for the podcast tomorrow so what about Wednesday?" he asks.

"I'm off work Wednesday so that would be perfect. What time works for you?" she asks him.

"8pm my time," he answers.

"Yeah that works for me," she smiles.

"So it's a date?" he asks.

"Yeah it's a date," she smiles, getting a warm feeling in her stomach.

She tells him about some funny stories involving her family and he tells her some funny stories from training camp. They chat for hours and before she knows it, it's past midnight and she has to go to work in the morning. 

“I need to go to bed. I have work in the morning. Goodnight Cale,” she yawns, waving at him

“Goodnight love,” he waves back, ending the call. 

If she cheeses a little at the fact he called her love, no one is around to see it. 

December goes by pretty quickly and she feels bad that her calls with Cale become less frequent. December is the busiest month at work because everyone is doing Christmas shopping (being a store manager is hard work) and she finds herself working double the amount of hours she worked before the holiday season. Add doing the podcast three times a week and she’s absolutely gassed. Luckily, Cale doesn’t hold it against her because he starts getting more busy with preseason starting and his parents coming down for the holidays. Taylor is currently in the middle of his final season in the AJHL so he can’t make the trip down to Denver for the holidays. They text each other every day throughout the month however, and she manages to call him on Christmas and on New Year’s Eve, asking him if he’s excited for the new season to start on the 2nd.

2021 starts off worse than 2020 started because of the pandemic but Taty manages to make the best of it. She watches the Winter Classic while on video call with Cale. Luckily, the Avalanche start their season off at home again this year. The following day, she finds herself rushing home from work to be able to catch the Avs first game of the season against the Wild. She makes it home and takes a quick shower before changing into her Cale jersey and joggers. She quickly eats dinner before going into her room. She puts the game on and makes it just in time for the players to come out to the ice. She watches the game and manages to text Cale throughout the game knowing that he won’t see the string of texts until after the game. He finishes the game with one assist and 2 hits, as the Avs win 4-2 to start off the new season on a high note.

As she’s getting ready for bed, she gets a call from Cale.

“Hey, great game,” she smiles, trying not to show how tired she is.

“Oh shit, I just realized how late it is over there,” he sighs, not wanting to keep her up.

“It’s okay. I always stay up past my bedtime to talk to you,” she teases.

“How was work?” he asks.

“Annoying. We’re winding down from the holiday season but we still got a lot of people shopping and returning stuff,” she explains.

“I don’t know how you do it honestly, being so young and running a store, I mean,” he explains.

“Yeah well luckily I’m only an assistant manager,” she replies.

“Still pretty incredible what you do,” he assures her.

“Says the NHL superstar,” she scoffs.

“Hey, I’m not a superstar at all! I’m just another player like everybody else trying to be the best at my position,” he explains.

“Why do you have to be so humble all the time?” she teases.

“It’s just who I am,” he shrugs.

“And I love you for it but like just admit you’re a superstar,” she replies.

“Fine, I’m a superstar. Happy now?” he teases.

“The happiest. When are your parents going back to Calgary?” she asks, switching the subject.

“Tomorrow,” he answers.

“I’m glad you got to have them with you for the holidays, though,” she adds.

“Yeah, it was great seeing them again. I just wish Taylor could’ve been here,” he replies.

“Yeah well you’ll see him once his season ends and on the bright side, he’ll be at UMass next season,” she adds.

“Yeah I just miss him. I always go home for Christmas and this year I couldn’t,” he explains.

“Yeah I can’t imagine what that’s like but it will get better,” she assures him.

“Yeah I know it will,” he nods.

“I wish I could be there to make you feel better,” she sighs.

“Yeah, well we’ll see each other next month,” he smiles, a hopeful tone in his voice.

“February 5th can’t come fast enough. I’m gonna blow you away with the best interview you’ve ever done,” she teases, referring to her interviewing him for the podcast.

“I guess we’ll have to see about that,” he teases back.

“You wound me, Makar!” she fake gasps.

“I’ll make it up to you with a killer real first date,” he smiles.

“I’ll hold you to that. I expect to be really wooed,” she teases.

“It’s gonna be the best date you’ve ever been on,” he almost guarantees.

“It’s gonna be the first date I’ve ever been on,” she informs him.

“I know. That’s why it’s gonna be the best you’ve ever been on,” he jokes, causing her to roll her eyes.

“You’re so funny, Makar,” she deadpans.

“Stop acting like I don’t make you laugh all the time, Ventura,” he teases.

“What happened to humble Cale? I like him better than this smug one I got here,” she teases back.

“Stop acting like you don’t like it,” he replies.

“Yeah, I like every side to you,” she admits.

“Well that’s good because I like every side of you,” he smiles.

She feels her cheeks heat up and that warm fuzzy feeling return to her stomach. Is this what falling in love feels like? She’s never felt this way before and god, she hopes the feeling never fades because it’s amazing. No wonder people love falling in love so much, it’s magical and she hopes she doesn’t fuck it up. She just counts down the days until February 5th praying to god that nothing goes wrong once they finally meet.

[closer-stars]

Precious - Seonghwa (2)

Member: Seonghwa Genre: Drama and Horror for the most part Word Count: 7.3k  Requested: Yes Content: Seonghwa finds out what the fuck goes on. Slightly inspired by the fact they went to Spain. A lot of weird things happen. Mentions of body horror, food (it’s not a Stars work if there’s no food involved). Religious references. San is Protective of Seonghwa. Eden knows something that we don’t.  Note: Okay so Part 2 of Precious is here. I had to read about various Biblical references from academic papers, YA books I’ve grown up reading and some classic literature books I’ve had to read at one point. Some architecture readings, some history readings because I have a short attention span that wants to know everything. Things might not be accurate, history/biblical mythology wise but an Attempt was made. 

Part 1

The plans of going abroad to record their next album was a surprise for them, even more that this time it’s not going to be in the US. For the majority of the boys, this plan was met with excitement and curiosity. New places, new experiences and most importantly new food. Only Seonghwa met this idea with hesitance. Something about it didn’t sit right with him but did he really have a say in this? San noted his uneasiness at the news. “Hyung, is everything okay?” He asked in the midst of excited murmuring around them. The older’s eyes gaze over the other members and he found it better to keep his peace so he nods. 

“Yeah, I’m alright. Once we get back to our dorm we need to start packing.” He returned. “Also, don’t get lazy packing this time please? The last time you did, you forgot your toothbrush and toothpaste at home and we were already in America.” This was met with a small whine from the younger. 

“Okay okay! I’ll get started on it tonight.” San doesn’t press on his hyung’s discomfort. One way or another he does come clean about it. It was better to wait, he supposed. 

-------

Fast forward to a week later. They’re now in Spain. They’ve been assigned into their rooms. Instead of having Hongjoong or Yeosang as his roommate this time, it was San. Not that he didn’t mind it but it was a nice change, even if the younger teases him to no end. Since it’s their first day and everyone’s still clearly jet-lagged, their staff let the boys free for the first two days to get used to the change. 

The first day was quiet, as quiet as it can be with eight boys in a new city. Most of the time was spent getting their body clocks to fall in sync with the city’s life. Some of them went out on their own with some of their staff, exploring the shops. Others went and explored the restaurants, wondering where to eat for their next meal. Seonghwa opted to go and quiet down in a coffee shop, the spacious and antique interiors are complete opposite to the ones he knows back home. It’s a rare occurrence too to have San accompany him into a coffee shop, knowing him he usually opted to go around and buy clothes or trinkets to remember the trip. 

“Coffee? I thought you didn’t like coffee.” 

“I don’t like Americanos, San. My coffee’s just the usual mocha.” The older reasons with a pout. The younger giggling softly at the sight. 

“Alright, alright. I’ll just get the Americano and we can just split the strawberry cake you’ve been eyeing since we arrived.” 

The rest of their stay in the shop goes by smoothly, his mind distracted by the food in front of him and San excitedly gushing over the planning of their next album. “I wonder what Eden-hyung and Hongjoong-hyung have. I mean we know what this next one’s supposed to mean but song wise and choreo wise? Ugh, Hyung, I want to get back on stage soon.” San confesses and it makes Seonghwa wonder if his energy was from his itch to perform or from the coffee. Instead of saying anything, Seonghwa nods in empathy. He misses the stage too and he hopes that they’d be able to get back on it soon. 

It’s when the others found a quaint restaurant a few blocks away from their hotel that they realize that dinner was rolling in soon for them. San notices the message and the time. “Should we get going?” He asks, as he finishes the last of his coffee. Their cake long gone. 

The older male nods his head as he takes a few sips of his water. “Let’s go. We don’t know how long it would take the others to get back and knowing Wooyoung and Yeosang, those two get distracted along the way easily.” 

------

Seonghwa’s sleep for the night wasn’t terrifying but it wasn’t peaceful either. Every few hours he’d wake up disoriented, the images in his dreams nonsensical but at least he didn’t have any bout of sleep paralysis. It only takes a few minutes for him to get back to sleep but every time he does, he sees weird things. 

Colorful flames dance in front of his eyes, feathers of various birds falling into the flame, some unharmed, some turning into a crisp. It’s the first time he’s seen a flame so intensely blue that leaves some of the feathers safe from the damaging heat. He swears he could hear someone call his name somewhere, but he couldn’t tear his eyes away from the damaged feathers, too entranced by how it burns red, ashes of what was falling from the body until all that was left was a charred crisp of ashes. His name continues to be called, it’s when he feels a jolt that he’s pulled back into the waking world.  

“Seonghwa-hyung!” 

His eyes shoot open, immediately shutting them again from the glare of the morning sun. 

“Hyung, it’s 8AM. The breakfast is open for two more hours only.” San says as he fixes himself infront of the mirror. 

His hand roams across the expanse of his bed until he finds his phone. 7:45 AM. “Dammit, San. It’s only fifteen minutes before eight... “ He lies back in bed, rubbing his eyes as he tries to remember what he had just seen minutes before. “Wait, you’re awake before I am.”

San looks back at his hyung, hand on his hip. Mingi’s been rubbing off on him. “Glad you noticed! Mingi kept calling my phone to wake me up. We’re going around the city today while Hongjoong-hyung, Jongho and Eden-hyung finalize the guides.” 

A whine nearly slips from his lips, wanting to rather sleep in and do nothing all day. Another side of him reminds him that it was rare to get such an opportunity to just live and so he thinks. When he reaches for the phone, San asks what he’s doing. 

“Room service. By the time I finish showering, the food’s going to be here.” 

San stares at him for a few moments before groaning and throwing himself on the bed.

“Why didn’t I think of that… I could’ve gotten a few more minutes of sleep…”

-----

It was Yunho’s suggestion that they look around the city, see the history and the like. Considering that their leader, their maknae and Eden were in the studio, not too far from the hotel, it results in Seonghwa and Yunho being the heads of the group along with one manager as the rest of them sightsee.

“There’s this really cool park we saw yesterday but we didn’t get to go inside. There’s so many pretty stuff in there too!” Yunho explains, already looking at their map and leading the rest of the group. 

------

They arrive just outside the park. One that seems to be well known for having locals and tourists flock to for the history and scenery. Some of the boys try to read the name of where they were but San was the closest to the actual pronunciation. A quick translation: The Park of Pleasant Retreat. Seonghwa could see why from where they stood. People lounged around the greenery, taking in the warmth of the sun as they mingled with their loved ones. If Seonghwa squints a bit, he could even see a few people playing music under the shaded refuge of the trees. There even seems to be a body of water where people rowed small boats around, some lingering by the steps aged by natural forces and people who have come before them. 

The boys have already learned that if they act like they should be hidden, they’ll be noticed by the public. It’s because of Wooyoung that they decide to go and explore through this path. A part of him thinks back to Jongho who would’ve loved to see this place and take photos. Even if Seonghwa didn’t know the history that this park holds down to the details, he knew that it seems to hold a large piece of the country’s history judging by the architecture. Grandiose pillars, crowned at the top with designs that curled inwards, though the temple-like pathway looks pristine, it has definitely been colored and worn through time. His eyes take in the scenery, occasionally stopping to take a few photos. It was a good change of scenery he thought, away from the chaos of his daily life, everything felt serene and calming. He could see why people flock to this park. He notices that his members had slowed to a stop and their manager was about to get in between them and the stranger that has made their presence known to them. 

She looks like a local judging by her clothes and how she just seemed in her element. Seonghwa’s eyes study her features from where he stands: high cheekbones, pink lips that were adorned by a dainty cupid’s bow. Her almond shaped eyes were revealed after she rests her shades atop her head. Her skin, unblemished and unmarked, tanned by constant hours under the sun. She carries herself with so much poise, the male would’ve thought she was some sort of local celebrity. It was when she started to speak in Korean that they somewhat relaxed. “Hey, I’m just a local, I promise. My name’s Kayla. You guys just seemed like you would prefer getting the rundown of what this place is.” She explains as she brings out an ID to show to their manager and to the rest of them. “Also, I work as a local tour guide in my free time so…” She trails off with a shrug. The boys look to each other and under their breath they ask. 

“Should we?” Yunho mumbles as he eyes everyone.

“I mean we only have this day…” Yeosang points out, brushing through his hair that's starting to become a nuisance to his eyes.

“If she’s shady, we can just make an excuse and go.” Wooyoung adds.

“So yes?” 

They looked at each other one more time and figured: nothing to lose. They turn to their manager who has told them of their rules since Day 1: Don’t do anything stupid. To everyone, it wasn’t. To San and Seonghwa, it was bordering on stupid. 

So the rest of the boys agree, the minority: San and Seonghwa just letting them be and trailing behind the group. 

“Hyung, are you okay?” 

Seonghwa doesn’t register the younger’s question. Since the group was so busy discussing the opportunity, the male had been stuck in his thoughts. Those features were familiar but he couldn’t put a finger on it. Did he see her online somewhere? Hell, who was she even? It was impossible for him to have seen her in his dreams, he barely remembers what he dreams about nowadays. He should’ve taken a peek at the ID when he had the chance earlier. 

“Hyung.” San calls out again, bumping his elbow to the older and this brings him out of his reverie. 

“Huh? Yeah, sorry what? I was spacing out again, I think.” 

This time San lets out an exasperated sigh, much similar to the ones Seonghwa lets out when they act up. “I’m worried. You’ve been on edge since you heard we were going to come here for work.” He was right. The days leading up to this trip, he hasn’t been calm. His nights consisted of tossing and turning as he tries to get some peace. If none of those movements bring him that rest, he ends up doing the same home workout routines he sees San do until he feels exhaustion and considering that he’s an idol, it takes a long while until his body gives in to the comfort of his bed. So the older one lets out a soft groan, making sure no one hears it. 

“I don’t know. Something just doesn’t feel right.” He mumbles, opting to use dialect just to make sure she didn’t understand. How sure was he even that she wouldn’t understand him? “I had a nightmare… a few weeks or months prior to this and it’s just really weird.” He continues as the walk through the wide paths. For a moment, everyone gets distracted by a couple walking dogs they’ve never seen before. While he smiles at the sight of his members finding glee in the furry companions, he catches sight of the couple’s eyes and his blood runs cold: icy blue. It’s not like the eyes he had seen in his nightmare but these two carry a weight that made him think: it was better to stay in his side. He looks away immediately and opts to fix his attention to what the woman explains. 

“This park’s been known for their architecture. This park was commissioned roughly in the 1630s, constantly being expanded and improved upon by the Spanish monarchy. It was open to the public by the second half of 1800s and what you see people doing today, it was the same back then. I guess you can say not much has changed since then. Countless monuments and buildings have been made here over the centuries which you can see by the change in architectural and artistic design.” She explains. She gestures to a glass structure some meters ahead of them. “That over there was used as a winter garden for flowers that weren’t usually found in Spain, nowadays it’s for exhibitions and the like. Insanely pretty isn’t it?” She muses as some of the boys take a few shots as they get closer. A few moments of silence pass over them until she speaks up again. “Actually, there’s this monument I’d like you boys to see. No other place in the world has something like this. By any chance, is any of you easily scared?” 

That prompts the boys to gesture at Mingi, which he accepts with grace. “I’m not good with scary.” He explains with a bashful grin. He takes this cue to hold onto their manager, thus earning him a soft chuckle from the woman. As she sweeps her gaze across all of them, lingering for a moment or two at one particular man, she smiles. “I assure you that this isn’t too scary but it might be a little unnerving.” With a turn of heel, she leads them through another path, slowing down as they are greeted by a tall monument. 

At the foot of the monument are eight faces of beings no one can quite tell spouting out water from its respective orifices. The beings, so ambiguous, so odd it’s hard to look away from were unnerving upon a closer look. Seonghwa looked up at the top of the monument and he immediately knew: they needed to leave. At the top of the monument rests a statue, twisted in turmoil as he falls backwards. The fall clearly did not look like something the subject wished. The wings of the statue are somehow still outstretched, in a feeble attempt to protect the owner from further pain. While he couldn’t see the statue’s details closely, he could note that there were things that wrapped around its wrist and ankle. He could only guess that those were snakes or reptiles that looked just like the ones at the foot of the monument. 

“Gentlemen, I’d like to introduce to you the Fountain of the Fallen Angel.” She starts as she gestures to the anguished being on top. “It’s rather an oddly proud moment for us to be the only ones with a public monument dedicated to the Fallen Angel-- as far as I know that is. To start, this was inspired by John Milton’s book Paradise Lost. Nothing has been definite as to whether or not this fallen angel is Lucifer the Morningstar himself, falling from grace or just any other angel that has fallen but some do like to believe it is the Lucifer being depicted up there.” 

At the mention of the word star, Wooyoung teases Seonghwa. “Heh, don’t you call yourself a star too?” 

Yeosang raises his hand, just like an obedient boy in class. “Wait, why did he fall?” 

Before she could answer, San beats her to it. “Because of his pride isn’t it? That guy up there wanted to be as great as God and tried to make other angels rebel with him.” 

This pleases her. The way her lips curve into one of pride has Seonghwa’s skin crawl with discomfort. “That’s correct. Did you also know that this statue stands 666 feet above sea level?” She asks, only to further explain the math of where they stand, how tall the pillar this monument stands on, and how tall the statue is. It was a reasonable guess and considering what the statue was, the connection just seemed right. 

“On our eye level,” she continues. “We see eight different types of demons and other symbolisms related to the Bible.” she gestures to the eight different phases at the bottom. “This statue has seen a lot of things throughout history that if you have perfect eyesight, you can actually see some bullet holes on the body and wings. Those being remnants of the wars this land has experienced.” 

Everything about the statue made Seonghwa want to run, run far away from this place and head back home. The adrenaline starts to make his head pound, that he holds onto San’s forearm. 

“Hyung, are you-” 

“I’m fine. I just got lightheaded.” He mutters as he breathes in through his nose and out his mouth. The air didn’t seem as cooling as it did earlier anymore. No one takes pictures of this monument, the history surrounding it and the context behind the figure makes it too unsettling for any of them to hold a little piece of memory. 

As they walk away from that work of art, Wooyoung asks her. “Miss, are you religious? I hope I don’t come off as rude..” he mumbles a little embarrassed. 

“Dear, what makes you think of such?” 

“You just seemed like you knew a lot about that statue and its context…” 

So she hums in thoughts. “Your friend earlier, the one that answered your friend’s question. Is he also religious?” 

“He used to be.” 

“A wise decision.” She nods. “To answer your question, is being knowledgeable in one belief equivalent to being religious?”

Seonghwa wishes he didn’t hear that.

Wooyoung purses his lips, “I suppose not.. To be honest, you sounded like you believed in the stories.” 

Oh how Seonghwa wishes he could tell Yunho to make Wooyoung shut up. 

“Now tell me dear, Why should I believe in beings I have not seen in their flesh? The farthest we have seen of these beings are through art and the stories passed onto us.” 

It unnerves San how she talks in such riddles all of a sudden. 

Seonghwa’s phone rings all of a sudden and he has never felt more relief when he finds out it was Hongjoong. Everyone’s phones seem to ring at the same time. A group chat message. 

Yunho’s the first to read the message and his face falls for a moment only for an apologetic smile to quickly replace his pout. He turns to the lady, as he keeps his phone. “We’re really sorry but we have to go. Work’s calling for us.” He explains simply. 

“Oh? You guys are already working? But you look so young..” She notes, her eyes studying each of their features closely. 

“It’s okay we like what we’re doing anyways.” San says in return, his arm around Seonghwa was the only thing keeping the male steady as he tries his best to appear nonchalant. 

The lady’s bottom lip juts out at the abrupt ending to the tour. “Mhm, I suppose that’s more important isn’t it? Happiness.” No one knows if she’s talking to them or to herself so they take the cue to bid her goodbye. “Very well! I hope to see you boys soon, good luck with your work.” She gestures at the direction they came from just so they don’t get lost along the way. 

It’s only when they arrive at the same place where they started earlier that Seonghwa speaks up. “Let’s just make our way to the hotel then head to Hongjoong.” 

The guides were finished and all that was left was for them to record the songs.

-------

For the next few days of their stay, all they’ve done is practice and record the songs until Hongjoong and Eden were satisfied with the quality. Even with the troubles of the new equipment that came along the way, it was a relief to everyone to have finally finished the songs. All that was left was to decide on when the shooting and promotions will be. Seonghwa pats their leader’s back lightly. “You did well, Hongjoong.” He mumbles, throat a little worn from having pushed himself to reach a few notes that weren’t in his usual range. Hongjoong on the other hand hums in response. There was only so much he could do with what they have but if time allows, he would definitely ask for them to re-do some of their lines, maybe not here but back home. 

Eden tells everyone to call it a night after such a tiring and intense week, even forcing Hongjoong to not touch his music software for the night. Even with those words, they know better: Hongjoong would stop when he’s done solidifying all the ideas in his head. 

------

The entire week of recording and practicing had made Seonghwa forget about their tour guide and his sleep problems. The past few nights just being pure dreamless sleep, that or he forgets what his dreams were within the first few seconds of waking consciousness. Now that the week is over, he still hopes he could get the same dreamless sleep that wasn’t plagued by the stress of his work.

His eyes were closed by the time he throws his body onto his bed. 

He doesn’t feel the heavy weight on his chest this time, but he still can’t get his body to move. He hoped it wasn’t the same being that visits him now, he wasn’t sure if he should hope for a different being either. While on his side, he looks around, San’s sleeping body just a few feet away from him. It’s only when he looks by the door that he notices the being. Human looking just like the first one but with an air that carries pain masked by regality. 

“How has your stay been in our humble abode, Sir?” He asks, tone gravelly, as if his throat has been abused by cigars, alcohol and more. Seonghwa could barely make out the rest of his features from where he lays. He wants to answer but he doubts his own throat could do the same effort as the being that leans against the wall. “Oh don’t worry, you can speak around me. I suppose my sister had been rough on you the first few visits?” The stranger adds. He steps further into their room. Though spotless, the bottles of soda and packs of instant noodles are enough to tell him that these boys were not too far into their adulthood. 

At his words, Seonghwa opens his mouth. “How did you get into our room?” He mumbles, there’s still a restriction in his throat but better than the first time. Did all of whatever they are have the same sort of power? 

“Oh please, the sleep paralysis thing we do isn’t everyone’s. Just my family’s.” The unnamed male returns, reading Seonghwa’s mind. “Call me El, I’m sure you’ve met my sister, Kea. My bloodline is besides the point, I’ve come to visit to see how my people have treated you and your hm, group?” 

People? Seonghwa looks at the man once more, unsure of what he means, and fears if he were to explain any further. 

“What the fuck?”

Seonghwa’s eyes dart to his roommate, already sitting up on his bed. At his words, El looks at him and with a shit eating grin, he manages to stride across their room and out the window. A grandeur exit. While Seonghwa wasn’t able to see the male unfurl his wings, if he was indeed telling the truth, he wouldn’t be surprised if his wings looked anything like his aforementioned sister.

He regains the feeling and control in his body and sits up from his bed, San already contacting someone about what had happened. “So you saw what I saw?” Seonghwa asks, as San tries to contact someone in his phone. 

San uncharacteristically shushes the older once the recipient of the call picks up. “They’re here. One of them visited our room and talked to Seonghwa.” A few more minutes pass and San hangs up. “Hyung, I’ll explain later but we need to get everyone to wake up and head to the studio. Go get ready, I’ll wake up the others.” It’s rare to see San so steely and dark. Besides him, San was the next scariest person when angry so he does as he’s told. He kicks off the sheets and gets his clothes ready for what could be a long day. 

---------

“We need to go back.” Eden says, as he finally saves all their work into the hard drive. 

This shocks everyone, at least those who haven’t known what happened. Those being anyone that wasn’t Seonghwa and San. 

“We just got here, what’s wrong?” Yunho asks, sitting up from his spot on the couch. Hongjoong already had an idea of what was going on thanks to Eden, if his dark look is anything to go by. No other words were shared by the rest of the boys, but upon seeing Seonghwa, San and Hongjoong pack up their things from the studio without a word, they figured something was up. Hongjoong shoots them a look that tells them to start moving, any explanations will be done when they’re on the way back. 

They move back into the van, and even then nothing has been said. The air is stiff with tension, worry and confusion. Seonghwa’s face was unmoving but the lines of fear appear on his features. He looks out of the window, watching aged buildings blur past them. He wonders if any of these buildings house these odd beings as well. They might have, just not in the buildings he supposes. Wooyoung’s persistent nature of wanting to know what’s happening nearly has Hongjoong snap at the younger. It’s not until San places his hand on the leader’s shoulder that tells him to cut them slack. They don’t know, not yet at least. Seonghwa glances at the two share a conversation with loaded gazes. “Quit it, all of you. Once everything quiets down, I’ll explain.” he mumbles as he rubs his forehead, a weak attempt to smoothen out the stress that hasn’t left him since they’ve stepped foot into this country. 

It’s rare to have Seonghwa speak up like that. It’s all it takes for everyone to behave. 

They arrive in their hotel and immediately make their way to their respective rooms. San and Seonghwa speed to their room, packing everything they’ve brought out from their luggages and back inside. It only takes three hours, considering that they haven’t stayed too long in the country yet, to get everything back in. 

The older male is too busy in his head, making sure he hasn’t forgotten anything: passport, charger, wallet, among other valuables. It’s when San calls his name and tosses him his hat that he remembers that he’s going to need to keep his sight limited to what’s directly in front of him to keep him from losing his sanity. “We’ll get back safely.” San promises him. His luggage was already strapped and ready, much like his. It’s only then that he releases the breath he’s been holding since they were in the studio. 

“I hope so. I don’t think I can bear to see any of you in danger just because of me.” He says under his breath. They take one final look around their room and seeing that everything’s clean, they make their way out. The pair’s greeted by the other members already making their way towards the elevator. While the others only have hats or sunglasses covering their features, Seonghwa had to take both for safety. 

Eden was already at the reception, waiting for everyone. He looks at his phone, counting the hours from where they are to the airport, alone with their flight back. He needs to explain to Seonghwa especially what’s been happening to him. But to that, he wants to make sure there are no ears on the walls. The producer’s greeted by everyone and he already nods towards the doors. “Our rides are already waiting for us outside.”

“Rides?” Seonghwa repeats, the idea of splitting up didn’t feel right but at this point he wasn’t sure if these feelings are of paranoia or gut.

Eden glances over at the covered boy and a bit of his heart twists, he could only imagine the stress this boy was going through and being separated from the rest of his members probably was making it worse for him. “We’re too many plus our luggage but I made sure we’re with people we can trust so let’s go.” He doesn’t expound anymore as he strides out. 

The ride to the airport is quiet, and it’s the one of the rare times Seonghwa’s sleep was peaceful. His body slouched over, leaning against the younger. Throughout the entire stay in Spain, San hasn’t left the eldest’s side and it’s from there that the others figured that San knew something they didn’t know. 

Hongjoong’s the first one to speak up. “San-ah. What’s been happening?” His voice quiet to make sure he doesn’t disrupt his sleep. He should’ve noticed the bags under his eyes since they arrived. The younger looks over at the exhausted member and tries to find the right words at least for this moment. 

“There’s been something that’s been bothering him. It only got worse when we came here. We’ll explain when we’re back in Korea.” Who knew being knowledgeable in all those religious stories would be useful to him? 

The rest of the ride is quiet but no one else falls asleep. San gently rouses him awake. “Wake up, we’re here.” The older one groans at how his peace has slipped away and he’s greeted by the sight of his members jumping out of the car, to be greeted by their managers and staff who also had their luggages. San couldn’t help but chuckle softly as the other curses in discomfort as he stumbles out, rubbing the sleep off his eyes. 

It doesn’t take long until everyone’s by the boarding gate. Everything feels like a blur to Seonghwa. The nap in the car made him realize just how his body ached for some peace. As they fall into lines to get into the airplane, Seonghwa leans against the back of his manager, resting his forehead against his back. He craves for sleep, for an escape from all of this and to be frank, he doubted he’d be able to escape this hell he’s in. 

By the time he’s in his designated seat in the aircraft, he’s knocked out once more. He only manages to wake up when the stewardesses serve their meals. He doesn’t even bother with the fact all of them are in business class. He’s sandwiched by San and their manager and while he can probably talk about what’s been bothering him, he doesn’t trust anyone else. While his thoughts run amok, his eyelids feel heavy. His physical body needed rest but his mind wouldn’t let up, with a disgruntled huff he puts in one earphone, letting music be a distraction from his paranoia. It’s clockwork for the entire flight, sleep, eat, worry, sleep, repeat, until they land back in their motherland. 

It was a miracle nothing had happened during the flight. Seonghwa doubts he’d be able to forgive himself if anyone became a victim to his misery. The ride back home was quiet as well, no one expected their sudden return after the chaotic entrance into the airport a few days back. 

By the time they arrive at their agency, it was mid-day. Everyone feels the exhaustion slowly steep into their bodies but their need to understand what’s going on somehow keeps them awake. 

The eight boys file into the conference room, Eden following them into the room shortly after. “I’ll make this quick and bearable since you boys need to catch up on rest for the time being.” He starts. The producer’s eyes studies each boy, and can’t find it in himself to put them through another hectic meeting, not now at least. “Seonghwa’s been considered a hot topic among the fallen angels which I assume is what has been disturbing his sleep for who knows how long.” All eyes were on him now as he sighs. 

“San explained bits and pieces to me before I told all of you to pack up.” He doesn’t go into detail unless someone asks, out of pity over their exhausted conditions. “Simply put, someone, i’m presuming one of the fallen in Spain ended up finding out we were there too.” Eight pairs of eyes gaze at him, most of which were heavy in need of rest, one had fear and confusion mixed in their gaze, but everyone carried the question of ‘Why?’. So he sighs, “I wish I knew why but for now, I need all of you to be careful and keep an eye on each other.” He hands Seonghwa a gold necklace with a pendant that seemed to depict a holy figure, judging by the round band over their head. “You guys need to get rest first. Seonghwa, while I’m not sure of what we’re dealing with exactly, just wear that first for protection.” 

“Since when were you religious?” Seonghwa asks, as he studies the pendants. As far as he remembers, the producer was far from a man of faith.

“I’m not but because we’re dealing with fallen angels, we might as well make sure we’re on equal ground.” The adult reasons with a shake of his head. 

This cues him to look at the male, keeping the necklace in his pocket. “You know they exist but you don’t believe in them?” 

“Seonghwa, I know there’s a more powerful being above all of us. Even them, but I don’t know if they are really the God that they talk about.” 

There’s too many questions but Seonghwa shakes his head free of them. “We’ll get going, get some rest too, Hyung.” He reminds as he opens the door, letting everyone out first before him. 

-------

The feeling of being home doesn’t bring him as much comfort as it should and he’s not sure of how to process that. He didn’t want to sleep yet, even if he’s exhausted from the trip and stress, so he lets the other members wash up first before he does. As he waits, his fingers fiddle with the golden chain of his new necklace. He’s back trapped in his own thoughts with no answers to his questions. When he feels like he’s got some sort of direction, it splits into several directions trapping him in a web of ideas that make no sense. 

Mingi’s voice breaks him out of his thoughts, telling him that everyone else was finished. 

The hot water manages to calm him down even for a bit. The water beating against his back and shoulders softening all the knots that have formed over the past few months. Once he’s finished cleaning himself up, he finds himself able to breathe a little better with the loose clothing of his sleepwear. 

When he feels his body land against the worn comforter, he blacks out. The necklace laid underneath his pillow just for safekeeping. It’s worth a shot even if he doesn’t believe. 

When he opens his eyes, he feels the same weight again on his body. He’s gone past the point of scared, he’s tired. He just wants sleep, peace, a clear head to juggle his work and his personal life. He knows what’s next. Another of those fallen angels is somewhere in his room. His eyes dart from various points of the room, looking for the presence. 

There she is.

The same being from the first time. The same lady, only she looks like she finally knows what she was looking for. 

Once Seonghwa gets a better look, he realizes it’s the same lady when they were in Spain. Even in his inability to move, he wants to lunge and fight her. While he isn’t one to raise his hand on anyone, he was willing to throw that rule of his to the wind just to deal with her. Alas, he’s constricted to the bed. 

“How was your stay in Spain, dear Seonghwa?” she muses, knowing full well that he won’t be able to answer. “I see that you have people around you that know of what’s been happening.” she continues as she saunters to the unmoving male. 

He despises how his body feels so numb. 

“Who knew that what we would be looking for wasn’t an object?” Seonghwa stares at her, anger burning in his orbs. Not like he knew what she was on about, he didn’t even know how they existed or how they live. He feels her pointed nail drag across his skin, just below his neck. “You’d be useful to us, sweetheart.” Her voice felt like it was laced with honey, tempting him to submit to her. “Do you want fame, my star?” The endearment makes his skin crawl. “You’re a well known artist aren’t you? Wouldn’t you want the immortality of your name? I can guarantee that as well.” her nails dig into his skin as she speaks. “Or would you rather build an immense following? That’s something we can do for you too.” 

We? 

She stands up, smiling upon him. “Oh of course, you can’t speak.” She grabs his face, handling him roughly as she makes him look at him. “Dear, I know you’re powerless under my presence so I’ll offer you this until we meet again. Everything you want is yours, just as long as you submit to us.” Her nails dig into his skin once more and this time it’s starting to hurt. Her free hand trails down his back. “You won’t need the wings you’ve seen, you’ll have the throne right next to our leader.” With others, she leaves her mark, to prove that her visitation was no mere dream but a reality. That her words and promises were true to their ears, and that they’ve sworn an oath. As she was about to leave three parallel lines down his back, she feels her back burn. 

The same burn that she felt when she fell. 

So she lets out a pained shriek, letting go of the unmoving male and he lands back on his comforter like a discarded toy. He stares at her, questioning what had just happened. 

He sees what causes her pain. 

The feathers on her wings are singed. The feathers were slowly burning to a crisp until it reached the main body of her wings. The part of her wings that are closest to her skin are raw. As if someone had decided to peel off the top layer of skin in a swift manner. Her skin looked terrible, none of the horror films his members watch prepared him for such a scene. He doubted any film maker could come up with something so graphic and merciless. This is something beyond human comprehension. 

The painful screams are so raw, so real, it sends chills down his bones. While he’s aware of how capable the throat is in creating sounds that thrust the listener into the deepest emotions, the screams carried years, if not centuries, of pain and anger.  

Of all things that made him believe that there was something stronger out there, it was a fallen writhing in indescribable pain in front of his numb body. He didn’t know how she’s able to still stand, how she’s still conscious but all those are discarded when he meets her eyes.

It’s how she shoots icy daggers at him that makes him feel some sort of fear. 

Primal fear. 

“Just as powerful as the first bearer’s.” she hisses through pained sobs. That’s when he realizes she was indeed crying. Instead of transparent water that humans produce, her tears looked thicker, darker. 

It looked like blood. 

The two of them hear someone banging on his door, trying to budge it open. The lady-- the fallen takes her cue to escape. 

“Mark my words, Star. We will find a way, know that your peace is temporary.” With that, she slips through the same window. 

Somehow, Seonghwa believes those words. He worries how short lived his peace will be. 

As she leaves, he regains control of his body. San and Hongjoong manage to barge into the room, greeted by the sight of a pale Seonghwa. 

“What happened? We heard loud noises.” Hongjoong asks, then he spots the open window. “San, tell Eden we need to get this place reinforced.” The leader orders, as he shuts the window and locks it. 

The eldest sits up from his bed and for the first time in the months of disturbed sleep, paranoia and confusion, he weeps. He weeps the pressure and pain he’s kept to himself over the past few months. The two couldn’t do anything, too surprised to see him break down all of a sudden. The anger has ebbed away and given away for him to feel the other emotions that he has suppressed. 

No one knows how long it takes until Seonghwa manages to speak up. The other boys have woken up by the time he regains a bit of his composure. “The tour guide we had back in Spain, she’s one of them. The one who made me go for nights without sleep and anxiety.” He mumbles. He then recounts the first meeting, Hongjoong who was there but unaware wonders how they’re able to keep themselves from the eyes of others. The same question that Seonghwa poses for all of them. The way she manages to appear wherever she pleases, how he goes through sleep paralysis when she’s in the room as he sleeps. He tells them of her attempt to mark him, maybe as a warning to those who were in close proximity of him but just as he was about to feel the pain, she backs away, body twisting in pain. 

It’s San’s turn to pale at his recounting. “I’m going to ask if my dad’s free. I’m not letting him drive here but a call with Eden-hyung would do soon.” He brings out his phone again, already typing up a message for his father. 

“What for?” As far as everyone knew, his dad was just a pastor. 

“Besides Eden-hyung, he knows what we’re dealing with. I think he might know what got her acting like that too.” San explains, waiting for the small number 1 to disappear from his message.

“Do you know?” Seonghwa stares at San. Following that logic, he does know his fair share of religious practices and the like. 

“I think you got a mark. The name slips from my mind but it’s a strong mark and if I remember anything else, these fallen have a plan that they’ve been dealing with since their fall..” San trails off, keeping his phone for now, keeping his eyes trained on him. 

“What does that even have to do with me?” He knows he’s got some sort of connection but the details are nonexistent in his mind. 

“Hyung, I’m starting to think you’re going to be a vital piece to the safety of this world.”

[onthesandsofdreams]

The Story of Us

Fandom: Wonder Woman Pairing: Diana x Steve Rating: T Words: 4363 (!) Summary: Diana and Steve are soulmates who met during WWI. Unfortunately, they didn't get a happy ending. Present day Diana is a writer, who using the memories of her past life, put their story into a novel. Her memories are all she has of Steve, until... Notes: For the @wondertrevnet‘s Valentine Event. Warnings: Character(s) Death & Reincarnation. Angst with a happy ending.

Read @ AO3

“Diana… whatever happens, just remember that I love you.” Steve said as he held onto Diana’s face in his hands. 

“Steve…” Diana’s own voice was barely a whisper.

*****

And Diana wakes, she opens her eyes to find them blurry with tears, so she closes them again and takes a deep breath, centering herself in the here and in the now. What haunts her is her past, a past that was quite literally a lifetime ago. But the pain that came with the memories was as raw as a recent and the most profound love lost.

Diana knows that she is only remembering. But the memory of Steve is hard and raw, they were soulmates. A thing so incredibly rare and precious that, their love had been a shiny beacon of light amongst the darkness of the war. What worries her is the fact that she can remember. By all means, she shouldn’t and that makes it all the more painful, for their love was so very short lived before both of them lost their lives.

Diana has made her diligence, she has spent hours upon hours on the internet, trying to find other people that, like her, remember their past lives and past loves. The small pool of people she has found has been a source of comfort. But she has not found Steve yet.

Diana opens her eyes, turns her head to the light coming from the small crack of the curtains, the sun’s already up and she needs to get up soon. She has a meeting with her editor at eleven thirty and it’s already nine. She chose to have a writing career, even when her mother frowned and disapproved, as a compromise, Diana took an extra degree in history and now, she was working full time at the Louvre, which allowed her to have time to write the books she wanted to write. Thankfully, she was also given the opportunity to do book tours and signings as necessary.

Diana tossed the covers of her body and sat up, stretching her body and willing herself to leave the comfortable nest her bed was, she tossed her legs off the side of the bed and put her feet on her slippers. She stood and made her way to the bathroom to relieve herself, once she’d done so, and after washing her hands, she splashed cold water on her face to clear away any sleep. After drying her face, she went back into her room and began to change into jeans and a comfortable sweater. 

Diana kept the slippers on and made her way into the kitchen, she made herself a coffee and some eggs. She ate slowly, savoring her food. She made herself a second cup of coffee and then she went back to her room, only then did she brush her hair, she kept it loose and simply wore a headband on it. 

Diana made her way to the small balcony of her apartment. She could clearly see parts of Paris and while she did so, her mind turned to her newest book. 

Diana’s first book had been an overnight hit. ‘The Story of Us’, had been hers and Steve’s love story, she had written it as it had happened, even with the unhappy ending that marked their separation and eventual deaths. Many had rained praise upon her work, calling it moving and heart wrenching.

Diana simply had taken it in stride, she had been grateful for the amount of goodwill her book had given her. And now, as she prepared herself to edit her second book, she often wondered if Steve was somewhere out there, if he had read her book and realized what she had done. That she had - with all the love she had in her heart - sang their love song to the world.

And now, Diana had a second book out and - so far - had been getting good reviews. But it’s nothing compared to her first, she finds that she doesn’t mind. If the story of the love she shared with Steve was the greatest thing she wrote, she would be content with it.

Diana closed her eyes, feeling the warmth of the sun hit her face and her mind began to wander.

*****

“Miss Prince,” General Jones had spoken. “Please meet General Steven Trevor, he’s one of our best agents, recently returned from a mission.”

Diana looked at the man whom General Jones had identified as Steven Trevor, tall and blond with slight tan to his skin that brought out his beautiful blue eyes, his smile was friendly and while he carried himself with pride, there was no arrogance to his stance. She extended her hand. “Pleased to meet you, General Trevor. I am Diana Prince.” She gave him a smile and his extended.

But something happened when Steven took her hand in his. Diana felt her body do a full body shiver, and she knew that Steve had felt it too by the way his eyes widened. Steve recovered quickly. “It’s lovely to meet you Miss Prince. Thank you for helping with the war effort. And please, call me Steve.”

Steve’s voice had a pleasant tone and Diana, who had read so much about soulmates, knew what had happened. She had just met hers. They were soulmates. But Diana knew that not all soulmates were romantic. Whatever happened between them, it would either grow into an unforgettable romance or, the deepest and most profound friendships.  “No need to thank me, I should thank you. You’re the one who is risking his life out in the battlefield, I’m simply translating documents.”

Steve had not let go of her hand, and Diana found herself reluctant to let go of his. Only doing so in order to avoid any awkwardness around them. Steve’s smile grew. “And those documents are important! They don’t trust just anybody with them, I should know. So don’t sell yourself short Miss Prince, any little counts.”

*****

Diana opened her eyes again, only to blink as the sun shone in her eyes. She looked at the mug on her hand, half of it was still full, but had gone cold as she had been lost in the memories of her past life.

Diana went back inside and looked at the clock, it read ten-thirty. She still had an hour before she met with Etta. Diana smiled at the thought of Etta Candy. She and Etta had met during the war too, but Etta didn’t remember her past life and Diana didn’t begrudge her that. But it struck her as funny that in her past life, Etta had been Steve’s secretary and now, she was her editor.

Diana put the mug down on her bedside table and sat on her bed, it was Saturday and she was in no rush yet, she had half an hour before she had to leave to meet Etta. So she took the book she had and read a little.

**

“I’m telling you Diana,” Etta said as she went over some changes she wanted to make. “It will be a good book, honestly, I don’t know how you do it. You have one that’s a complete success and the second one is not doing badly at all. And now you have another finished? I wish all my clients were like you.”

Diana smiled at Etta. “I simply write daily, it’s a good way to wind down from work. And I’m glad to hear that you like this book too.”

“It’s fantastic dear. And I’m very happy with you. Very much indeed. Oh and don’t forget, you have a book signing in a week. So brace yourself, because you’ll probably get plenty of questions from ‘The Story of Us’.”

“I know,” Diana sighed and nodded. “That’s fine, people are curious, I’m expecting all sorts of questions and I’m ready to answer.”

“Good, good. Then, read the edits I want you to make on this one and then we’ll talk about it, yes?”

“Of course.”

*****

“I can’t believe they’re sending you to Germany!” Steve’s indignation was slightly annoying. “You’re not a spy or an actress, you’d be in deep enemy territory and that’s not right.”

“Steve,” Diana had been calling him that due to his insistence. “I can manage. I am not afraid, when I signed up to help with the war effort, I knew this was a possibility, you don’t need to worry.”

Steve ran his hands through his hair. “Well, I do. And I won’t apologize, it’s a high risk and I’m not happy. At least they’re putting you with my team, that way you’ll be as safe as you can be with us around.”

“Excuse me?” Diana didn’t like his tone, so she stood tall and squared her shoulders. “I’ll have you know General, that I am quite capable.”

Steve raised his hands in a placating manner. “I know Diana, but this active combat and you’d be in the thick of enemy territory. You have never gone undercover, and while I have no doubt that you’re quick on your feet and a fast thinker, I still feel uneasy. You’re heading for dark waters, more correctly, waters that you have not swam in before.”

Diana relaxed a bit. “I understand and I thank you for your worry; but I am sure I will be able to handle whatever comes my way.”

“If all goes wrong, I’ll always be near. Just in case. We’re partners now, and I’ll always have your back.”

Diana smiled. “Thank you Steve.”

*****

Diana sat on her desk, typing away her new would-be novel, but her mind kept getting distracted. Next Saturday she had the book signing event, and that usually came with plenty of questions of both her first book and the new one.

Diana didn’t mind the questions, she enjoyed talking to people about her book. But there was one question that kept popping up: ‘Why the tragic ending?’. No matter where she went, the question was always asked without fail. She had perfected her answer by now, but she could still see the disappointment of whomever asked the question when she would reply: ‘Because it was an unfortunate event, Arthur had no way to survive the explosion. And Amelia was too sick to make it.’

Because Diana could hardly say: Because that is what happened, and this is my previous life. Because Steve and I didn’t have a happy ending, only a brief and intense love. One that still survives.

*****

Diana and Steve had been working together for nearly six months. And during that time, they fell in love. Being soulmates had turned out to be a blessing. The love that bloomed was one many would envy, she felt complete whenever she was with Steve. It also came in handy, for they would use their relationship as a cover, a way to meet and exchange secrets away from prying eyes. It was easy to blush, look down, smile and say that it was a lover’s meeting. Not a lie, but not the complete truth.

Their love had grown deep roots in their hearts. Diana could hardly wait to see Steve, and Steve would always find something to give her; little trinkets that she could keep with her.

One of their missions was attending a ball. Steve had all but devoured her with his eyes when Diana met him, her blue dress almost a perfect match to his eyes. They had danced and mingled, doing their best to remember every single detail of any conversation they took part.

It had been the only time they had shared a bed. Their passion unleashed, breaking like a dam and overflowing their senses. Both overcome with both love and a deep desire for one another, to the point where Diana  felt like she was drowning. But it had been such a sweet feeling, that she couldn’t and wouldn’t object to it. Diana hated parting from Steve the following morning.

*****

Diana clearly remembered the first time she had dreamt of Steve. She had been fifteen, tired from school and feeling a bit lonely. She had always felt so, like something was missing and she couldn’t pinpoint what it was.

Diana had gone to bed early, and her dreams had been filled with a deep fog. She had felt lost and alone, yelling for someone, for any help. Then, she remembered how the fog parted and the sunlight had filled a palace ballroom and there stood a man, one that she had never met. But who, upon seeing her, smiled bright and wide and offered his hand, calling for her.

Diana had caught her reflection on a mirror, she was older and wore a blue gown. She went instinctively to the man, then, she heard herself say: Steve. They danced all night long. And Diana had woken in tears.

And then the dreams and memories began to come. One by one, they made themselves known, and like a puzzle, everything began to make sense, with all the pieces finally in place, Diana understood and she grieved. She had had a soulmate and she had lost him before they could have had a life together. 

**

“You seem upset.” Mera’s voice broke the silence of her office. “Is everything alright?”

Diana looked at where Mera stood, standing on her open door, Mera cut an impressive figure. Tall and pale and redhead with kind blue-green eyes, Mera could pass for a supermodel, instead, she was an archaeologist and as of late, a good friend of hers. She tried to smile. “Yes. Just didn’t sleep well last night.”

“Mmh,” Mera frowned and her lips thinned. “Nightmares?”

“No. Simply restless.”

“Ah,” Mera nodded. “I understand that, it happens. Drink some chamomile before bed, it should help.”

This time, Diana did smile. “I will thank you.”

“Excited for the book signing?”

“Yes. I can’t wait to see what they ask. It’s always exciting, and it’s also very lovely, you know? All these people come because they like my book and now, they want to read the new one. Or they have read it already and they have questions. It’s always fun.”

Mera gave Diana an apologetic smile. “Sorry I can’t come. But you know I’m meeting Arthur’s parents, they’re visiting and I’m taking them for brunch.”

“It’s fine Mera,” Diana’s smile softens. “I understand, you enjoy your time with Arthur and his parents.”

“Thanks, see you on Monday then.” With that, Mera left to continue whatever it was that she was doing.

Diana stared at Mera’s retreating figure until she was no longer in sight. Then with a sigh, she opened her emails and went through her work, but her mind wasn’t really into it. So she paused for a moment, closed her eyes and did some breathing exercises, once she felt centered, she opened her eyes and continued to work. But she could tell it was going to be a long day.

*****

Diana’s mission ends sooner than Steve’s. It’s almost immediately after the discovery of a new gas made to kill. Diana’s hands shake as she translates the effect on the gas, has to remind herself to breath in through her nose and exhale through her mouth. Everything’s horrible and she is terrified of what’s to come.

Steve has another mission, but he makes sure to escort her back to France, from where she’s meant to take a ship back to London. Diana doesn’t want to leave him behind, the feeling of dread setting into her stomach.

“Don’t make me go,” Diana whispers, looking deep into Steve’s eyes. “I can’t bear to leave you behind.”

Steve to his credit, takes it well. He simply smiles and takes her face between his hands. “Diana, you knew this could happen, the war isn’t over and my job is not done. What you did has given us an advantage, but I must continue to fight. I promise you, that after the war is over, I will come and find you. We’ll be together forever then. Until death do we part.”

Diana’s eyes glaze over with unshed tears. “Steve,” her voice is barely above a whisper. But she knows that he is right. She must leave for the safety of England, else she would be a target with a price on her head. After all, she was the one who was in charge of paperwork, any leads would come back to her. “Promise me. Swear it even, come back to me. Come and find me.”

“I will, Diana. I will come and find you.” Steve looks at Diana in her eyes. His own are serious and solemn, his face still and then he leans forward and he kisses her with all the love and passion he has in him. 

Diana kisses him back, holds onto him until she must leave and board the ship. She stands in the deck, watching as Steve grows smaller by the second, until he is no longer visible. “I’ll be waiting, Steve.” She says to the wind, in hopes that her voice will carry over.

**

Etta Candy is the one who welcomes her back to London. She receives praise for her work, accolades come easy, but she is quiet and subdued. Leaving Steve behind, in enemy territory is not something she wanted to do. It was something she had to, and now, she has no way to know if he’s safe. Now, she can only wait for war to be over.

Then it happens. One night she is asleep and there is a sudden pain in her breast, Diana wakes screaming for Steve, agitated and her heart is racing. She doesn’t know what to do, there is no book or person to consult. Soulmates are strange and rare, there is nothing in print that can make sense of her pain. She spends the night awake, a feeling of loss setting into her bones, chilling her to the marrow. The following nights, her sleep is restless and she wakes crying. Nothing makes sense.

Then war ends. Diana rejoices at the thought of reuniting with Steve. But her joy turns into sorrow a few months later, when Charlie, Sameer and Napi return, bearing the news of Steve’s passing. 

‘A hero’s death’, Charlie calls it. Steve sacrificed himself destroying the gas, giving them the chance to live and achieve victory.

Diana is left cold. Her sudden pain makes sense now, she felt him go. She felt whatever it was that bound them together rip apart. Steve’s not coming back, he’s not coming home. There’s no lifetime of love and joy to be had, only pain and grief. Steve is gone and so are all her dreams, her life is suddenly bereft of any joy, all is a blur and grey. A hero’s death is nothing more than death. It feels like the color has gone out of her vision. She walks like a wraith, amidst the joy and laughter, all seems wrong. She wants to scream, to rage and burn. But she doesn’t. She dutifully continues her work until one morning she wakes feeling ill.

Diana ignores it, assumes that is simply her grief. It’s not. In the end, the doctors call it ‘The Spanish Flu’ and she is confined to a bed. She gets worse and worse, death comes slowly and the last thing she remembers, is calling out for Steve. Then it all goes black.

*****

It’s the Saturday of her book signing and Diana leaps out of bed. She’s never been one for lateness, she takes a shower - something she rarely does in the morning -, letting the hot water clear any residue of sleep of her. She doesn’t have to worry about clothes, for she laid them out the previous night.

Diana comes out feeling lighter than what she has felt in years. Slathers herself in body lotion and slips into her clothes and shoes. Dries her hair as much as she can with the towel, then brushes it and lets it loose. Does her make-up with calm, settles for a casual look of eyeliner and soft lips, giving herself a once-over, she smiles. She leaves her room and makes herself a good breakfast and a cup of coffee, eats with leisure.

Only when she sees that her hair is not dried enough, Diana returns to her bathroom and blow dries it, but still lets it loose. It’s a casual event, she can allow herself to let it be. She gives herself a once over in her mirror, the red blouse with black jeans and boots suited her well, on impulse, she went to her closet and grabbed a leather jacket. She was ready, time to face the music.

Diana arrives at the bookstore early. The people inside let her in, and guide her towards a small spot where she can wait. Etta arrives not long after, usually, it would be her assistant, but Etta wanted to see the reception of the book herself and thus, she came instead. Diana doesn’t mind, Etta is lovely and won’t be in the way; Etta is only stern in moments when it’s needed, and those are rare with the two of them.

Diana watches as people begin to arrive and seat themselves, then it’s time. Diana stands in front of her small crowd and reads an excerpt of her book, she notices a man with dark shades, but pays him no mind. She reads and relaxes, then opens the floor for questions. And time passes her by quickly. Once the questions are done, she sits on the table and begins signing books.

Diana’s only sin (according to Etta), is that she doesn’t look up when she’s receiving the book or writing, only does so to give the book back. One by one, people get their books signed until…

Until Diana greets the next person in line and opens her first book and there is a message in it: ‘I swore to come and find you Diana.’ Diana freezes upon reading the message and startled, she looks up. And she finds herself face to face with Steven Trevor. 

A myriad of emotions pass through Diana, she wants to speak, but she’s unable. Steve simply smiles at her and says. ‘It’s lovely to meet you miss Prince’. His voice is the exact same tone as it was before. Nothing has changed in his physical appearance.

Diana nods, swallowing the knot that seems to have lodged itself on her throat. ‘Thank you…”

“Steve. Name’s Steve Trevor.”

“Of course it is,” she says and does her best to blink back tears. Then, with a shaky hand she signs both books and gives them back to Steve, who immediately moves out of the way, but doesn’t leave the bookstore.

Diana finishes her work on autopilot. Only after Etta and the people are gone, that she goes towards Steve, who has used this time to browse the store and has a bag with other books in his arms. She stops when she’s close to him. ‘Steve,” she says softly.

Steve turns and gives Diana such a dazzling smile, that she feels like she’s staring at the sun. “Hey Diana,” his eyes twinkle with mirth and happiness. “I finally found you. Sorry to keep you waiting.”

Diana loses it at that moment, without any care, she throws herself at his arms. Steve drops his bag books, but embraces her. And to her, his arms and embrace feel the same way they did a lifetime ago: like home. “You found me,” she says through her tears.

“I did,” Steve’s voice chokes. “Sorry for dying on you. I’m sorry you died too. But thank you, thank you for telling the world our story, that’s how I found you.”

Diana buries her face on Steve’s neck and inhales his cologne, “You’re here now,” her own voice sounds raspy to her own ears. “That’s what matters. I love you. I always did and I always will.”

“I love you too,” Steve says and kisses her head. “We’re together now. We can live our life, enjoy our love Diana, we’re finally together.”

“We are. You’re not leaving me anymore.”

“Never. Well, maybe the time it takes to apply for a visa and permanent residency, or whatever policy France requires of Americans moving in,” Steve jokes. “But other than that? Not happening.”

Diana laughs, grateful that his sense of humor is still intact. She’s reluctant to let go, but she knows that they must leave, they have much to talk about and they can hardly do it in a public bookstore. “Come home with me,” she says.

Steve backs a little, and Diana can see him smiling. “Of course. Let’s go home.” He says and lifts his bag of books from the floor and puts them on his left hand, offering Diana his right.

Diana doesn’t hesitate to take it. “Let’s go.”

They leave the bookstore, and Diana knows that all will be well. Life has given them a gift, a gift worth all the painful memories and the deep sense of loss when Steve first died, and the grief that followed her short life afterwards.

Diana turned and looked at Steve, who smiled at her. Yes, they were finally home. She and her soulmate have a lifetime now, and that lifetime begins right this moment. Paris had never seemed to be brighter as this moment, as she walked hand in hand with Steve. Diana’s smile was wide and a profound sense of peace finally settled into her soul. 

Then Diana stops and Steve follows her lead. Steve turns and looks at her, “Diana?” He asks.

Diana simply smiles, releases his hand and takes his face in her hands. Softly, she caresses his cheeks and quickly, gives him a peck on his lips. He returns it. And Diana can feel her heart beating faster, “All is well now,” she whispers against his lips.

“Yeah,” he whispers back. “We’re together now.”

“Forever.”

This time, it’s Steve who presses forward and devours her in a kiss. Diana returns it with all the love she has for him, all the love that has waited a lifetime to finally be allowed to be. Their forever starts now.

[alchemist-shizun]

Thinking of you keeps me awake

Read on Ao3!

Word count: 1,407

Pairing: Logicality

Warnings: There's surgery mention and a mention of an incident in a playground, nothing specific or graphic.

Summary: Logan has been testing out the new advanced technology that had just been created for surgery. Patton, a doctor at the same hospital, finds the machine one night and starts talking to it daily. Logan finds it out in the weirdest way, and crushing ensues.

A/N: Hi name's Ellie and I find inspiration in TV advertisings. Okay this was supposed to be a drabble but I can't physically write less than a thousand words. (pardon me I can't put the read more on mobile.) This is also the first fic I post here so I'll just let you read in peace while I will disappear in fear. (Look I rhymed) Feel free to point out any typo or mistake, English isn't my first language and I'm always one for learning! Thank you so much and without any further ado, enjoy your reading.

✾

Logan finally found relief in the comfortable chair in front of his desk. It had been a little over a month since they started using advanced technology at work, which permitted Logan to attend meetings and to his job at the same time.

They didn't really take into account that being a surgeon wasn't exactly a piece of cake and doubling his work-related stress didn't help at all.

But Logan had never minded pushing himself to the limit in order to save lives or learn something new. (A bad habit that he had been dragging along ever since youth.)

The "machine of the future", as they liked to call it, was this robotic device that could be controlled wireless from a long distance. All Logan had to do was turn his phone on and a projector would show him what the robot was seeing and he could interact with the projection.

For instance, there had been cases in which he was required both at an updating course on new discoveries and also at the operating room to operate on one of his patients.

With this new object, he could help his team while traveling, as soon as he found a quiet place.

Quite the jewel, wasn't it?

That was the reason a hidden camera was implemented in the machine, it functioned both while in use and while seemingly asleep. If anything touched it, it would send a notification to the database Logan had access to on his laptop.

He was used to check on it daily, of course. Especially at 2 a.m., when he was definitely not supposed to be asleep. Now, he wasn't messing with his circadian system, just touching it up a little to see-

« A notification? »

His heart started pounding as panic drove its way through his chest; his mind, though, tried to find all the possible positive outcomes.

It could have been just an incident, right? Someone moved it or touched it by accident. There was nothing to be worried about, or else it would have automatically sent a call to the police.

Yes, it had a complicated security system, but it was needed, considering it was the only device existing at the time.

Logan scrolled through his database and found the videotapes section. He checked on the least recent video; they got deleted by the system monthly, so he was used to only check on them once a month unless an issue like that occurred.

He went through the frame previews and stopped when he saw a figure at the back of the room. The video started playing.

Logan could only watch as the figure became a more distinct man with wavy hair who paced around the room.

There was something familiar about him, but maybe it was just the glasses he was wearing that oddly reminded him of his own pair.

The mysterious man (actually, he was probably a doctor given his white coat) turned to the robot's direction and gasped at its sight before approaching it.

It was something, to see that scene almost as if it had been playing right in front of his eyes.

But Logan wasn't a robot.

« Oh my, what do we have here? » the man spoke in the most sugary voice Logan had ever heard. He wondered how soothing he was with distressed patients.

« This is so cool! » he paced around the object, then stopped back at its front.

« Is someone there? I'm Patton! »

Oh- That's what it was. He had worked with Patton, once or twice, but he had been on his team for a fairly short time. Wasn't he the new one around?

« Cat got your tongue? » his chuckle was so soft he could have made the maddest beast grow gentle. « Oops! You don't have one. »

Logan snorted and shook his head, was it really just this guy goofing around until the end of the tape?

He made to close the video and move onto the next ones, when Patton looked up again.

« Oh! Uhm ... whoever's behind this- because I really don't know, none bothered to answer me when I asked. » this time his snicker was embarrassed, he almost felt bad for him.

« I don't know why they think I'm dumb. I mean I got a doctorate, you can't exactly make your way through that by playing dumb, right? » Patton looked exactly where the robot's camera was hidden. Logan felt his heart skip a beat and he couldn't pinpoint whether it was out of fear or something else.

« But here I am, venting to a soulless machine. Maybe they're right. » he scratched his neck and sighed.

Logan remembered suddenly how Patton's first period of time with them was filled with simple tasks and chores. He had always thought they were just using him and not letting him unleash his potential.

Until one of the oldest doctors had to retire and some space had been made for him too.

« Anyway, to whoever is doing the awesome job behind this, I hope you know you're amazing! » Patton flashed him a toothy grin, then waved, gathered the stuff he needed and left.

Logan went through the other tapes as quickly as possible, but couldn't help but stop and listen to whatever Patton had to say in every single one of them.

The sight of his bright smile was a cathartic experience and, essentially, all Patton really did was clean some spots in the room and give both the robot and Logan a pep talk.

He didn't realize how wide he was smiling thanks to all the "I'm proud of you"s, "Your work is amazing", "Look at how marvelous you are" or "You inspire me", not until he reached the last tape and his cheeks were soaring from all the stretching.

Logan passed his hands on his face, his clock barely counting down to 3:30 a.m.

He tried to shake off the giddy feeling he felt when Patton appeared on his screen once again.

Sometimes you just need constant but simple reminders.

« Patton! Did a real good job! » he entered the room dancing and humming in his tracks. « Hey, didn't see you there! »

He approached the camera skipping along the pavement, that was the happiest he had ever seen him in those videos.

He couldn't believe that happened that day and he had missed the opportunity to see his joy at less than a couple of paces away.

« I saw the family of your patient today. » Patton sounded as if he were reminiscing about the moment.

Logan digged in his earliest memories and remembered the serious conditions of his patient: they had been victim of a terrible accident at a local playground. A mere little kid.

They had to work on the child for hours before it was safe to assume they would survive.

« I wish you could have seen the relatives. Their reaction when I delivered the news just ... Made me realize why I really love this job. » he hesitated, letting the words sink in.

« You did that. » Patton looked right into the camera but this time Logan's chest didn't feel tight.

Instead, it filled with warmth. Pleased and content.

« It's all thanks to you. » his voice trailed off as his cerulean eyes wandered around a spot Logan couldn't see.

« Oh gee, let's get you cleaned up! »

Next thing he knew, Patton had cleared some blood from the robot's surface. So that was why it sent off the notification.

Logan was glad it turned out to be nothing serious.

Just a cute and bubbly doctor that managed to start stealing his heart away without anything more than a night and video tapes. Not even his beloved surgery was needed.

Wait, what was that thought just now?

Logan closed his laptop as soon as Patton walked out of the frame.

He felt like he could have seen him if he moved, he didn't want to ruin the peaceful atmosphere Patton brought.

Afterwards, he finally dedicated himself to the thought of getting some rest for the hopefully less stressful day ahead.

Even though Logan spent the first few seconds of his sleeping time mentally smacking himself for staying up late, which he didn't actually regret, he now knew who to go to during his next coffee break.

[aidanchaser]

Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets: Everyone Lives AU

Table of Contents beta’d by @ageofzero​

Chapter Five The Whomping Willow

James did not scold the same way Molly Weasley did. He did not get red-faced and shout until he was hoarse. His voice was calm, steady, and Harry thought that made it worse, because it always made him feel guilty. Which is why he was very glad his father was not scolding him tonight.

“How could you?” he said, in a low, disappointed voice. “You knew it was a bad day for Remus, you were supposed to be the responsible adult, there were children and Muggles there — How could you?”

“That’s why,” Sirius protested. “Someone needed to hit Malfoy for being a prejudiced git.”

“That is not your job, Padfoot!” James raised his voice just enough to carry into the kitchen but not quite shouting.

“I’m fine, James,” Remus said from the couch. “And so is Harry.”

Harry looked up from his copy of Magical Me. He was still trying to decide if he would side with Sirius or his dad about Gilderoy Lockhart. “It was great, Dad. Sirius and Mr. Weasley were totally in the right. Someone had to punch Malfoy.”

“Yes, I know Malfoy needs to be punched in the face, but it shouldn’t have been Sirius and it should have been in Diagon Alley. There’s no need to go brawling in bookstores over Malfoy’s bad behavior.”

Sirius waved a hand dismissively. “You’re over-exaggerating.”

“He really isn’t,” Remus said quietly.

Before James and Sirius could start arguing again, Lily came out of the kitchen with a steaming cup in her hand. She handed it to Remus. “It’s best when it’s freshest.”

Remus wrinkled his nose as he took the cup from her. “Best, maybe, but there’s really no way to make it taste good.” He knocked the drink back like a dram of cold medicine, except it was a full glass instead of only a small dosage.

Harry thought Uncle Remus looked even more sick as he handed the glass back to Lily, but Harry understood that the benefits of the potion would be more obvious tomorrow night. One time, he asked if he could try a sip of it, just to see what it was like, but his parents had said no. Lily explained there was aconite in it, which was highly toxic, and they couldn’t be sure how safe it was for anyone else to drink.

“Stay here tonight,” James said.

“I really shouldn’t,” said Remus.

“We insist.” And Lily didn’t give Remus room to argue. She took the glass back into the kitchen.

“Can Sirius stay too?” Harry asked. He wanted to go through the old book with Sirius. He thought the present would be more exciting if he could share it with Sirius.

James, however, did not seem thrilled about the idea of Sirius spending the night.

“I think,” Remus said slowly, “Sirius might be in the doghouse.”

When Lily came back into the living room, Sirius was on the floor laughing, and James had taken a seat on the couch, shaking from restrained laughter. She clearly didn’t know what had ended the fighting, but she seemed glad they were in better spirits.

That night, Lily made up a spare room for Remus, and James prepared a room for Sirius.

The next night, James and Sirius went to stay with Remus, leaving Lily and Harry home alone.

She helped him through his school work and frowned at the list of textbooks for Defense Against the Dark Arts.

“Sirius said Dad likes him,” Harry said.

“Your father likes excitement and Lockhart writes adventure stories, but they’re hardly textbooks for Defense Against the Dark Arts. If I’d realized he was your new Defense teacher, I’d have had a few more words for Dumbledore the other day!”

“What did you and Dumbledore talk about?” Harry asked. “Was it about Dobby? Because I’m sure that was just Draco Malfoy playing a stupid prank on me.”

Lily leaned over the table to brush Harry’s bangs out of his face. “Dumbledore and your father and I all agree that Hogwarts is the best place for you right now, and he assured us they would take extra precautions. Though I’m not sure I should send you off to learn from Lockhart, when I can teach you far better at home.”

“Why don’t you teach at Hogwarts?” Harry suggested. “At least you’d be better than Professor Quirrell. And you and Dad are both Order of Merlin. That makes you qualified, right?”

She laughed lightly. “I’m not sure I have the patience to teach a classroom full of rowdy students.”

“You’ve got patience with me and Dad.”

“Yes, but I love you and your dad. It makes a difference.” She smiled and kissed Harry’s forehead. “Remus would make a far better teacher than I would.”

“Why doesn’t he?” Harry was quite glad to be off the subject of his homework. “Uncle Remus would be a really good teacher.”

Lily tapped her fingers on the table thoughtfully. “He thinks his condition makes it impossible for him to teach, and that it would be unwise for him to go to Hogwarts.”

“He just gets a little sick,” Harry shrugged. “It’s not a big deal. It’s not like he can help it.”

“I agree.” Lily smiled a sad sort of smile, and Harry wondered what she was thinking. He knew that the sort of people who didn’t approve of his mother were also the sort of people who didn’t approve of Uncle Remus. People like Draco and his father. People like Sirius’s family.

Harry had heard a few stories about Remus’s transformations from his father and from Sirius. He knew that was where the dog jokes came from, and why James laughed every time Lily called him, “dear.” He wondered how much worse it had been without the potion. Harry tried to imagine what it would be like, at his age, to be that sick every month, with no potion to help. Harry had read enough horror stories about vicious werewolves, and enough articles in the back of the Daily Prophet to get an idea of how terrifying it must have been.

He picked up one of his textbooks, Wandering with Werewolves, and opened it curiously. It fell open of its own accord to an illustration of Gilderoy Lockhart facing about six or seven fully-transformed werewolves. The werewolves were particularly nasty looking, with fangs bared and drool dripping from blood-stained teeth that still held bits of what was either flesh or fabric. Gilderoy Lockhart stood between them and the viewer, but he was looking back over his shoulder and winking with his wand flourished. Harry thought it was not only a poor representation of werewolves, but a poor way to face any attacking monster.

He closed the book and looked at Lily. “Why don’t all werewolves do what Uncle Remus does?”

Lily picked up Marauding with Monsters and frowned at the cover. “The Wolfsbane potion is both very expensive and very difficult to brew. And it needs to be taken every day for the week leading up to the transformation. If Remus didn’t have your father to pay for it and me to brew it every month, it’s unlikely he could afford it.”

“Did you have to brew it when he was at school too?”

“No, the potion is a rather recent invention. I wasn’t close to Remus then, but I believe his transformations when he was in school were very hard for him.”

“But then Dad and Sirius helped, right?” Harry knew a little bit about James and Sirius being Animagi. James didn’t transform often — he once mentioned it was illegal — but he and Sirius frequently made jokes about their forms. Like the doghouse joke from yesterday. And Sirius had been happy to let Harry ride around on his large, Irish Wolfhound form when Harry had been small enough, or even been a very large, warm, soft pillow when Harry needed help falling asleep.

“What your father and Sirius did was very dangerous. They could have killed themselves, and if anyone found out, they might’ve gone to prison.”

“But it was for a good cause,” Harry said. “Helping Uncle Remus “

Lily sighed. “You and your father are too much alike sometimes.”

“I only had one detention last year,” Harry protested.

“I just mean that you’ll both do anything to protect people you care about. Well, I suppose I can’t fault him for that. I’d do it, too.” But she seemed sad when she said it. She tossed Marauding with Monsters back into Harry’s pile of school books. “Let’s do something productive. Like Potions homework.”

Harry groaned loudly and dramatically dropped his head to the table. “I hate Potions.”

“If you get top marks this year, I’ll show you how to make the Wolfsbane potion.”

This perked Harry right up. He went through his Potions homework with a renewed interest, though he was sure when he got to school and had to face Snape, it wouldn’t help.

—————————— ✶✶✶——————————

Summer ended far too quickly.

As much as Harry wanted to go back to Hogwarts and see his friends, he would miss home, and motorcycle rides with Sirius, and Quidditch with his dad, and cooking with his mother. He was excited about his new book though.

“Book” wasn’t exactly the best word for it. It had pages that looked like they were part of a journal. Other pages looked like they’d been ripped out of spellbooks and sewn into the new book. Some pages were not sewn in very well, and would fall out if not carefully tucked when the book was closed. Between some pages were letters with names on them that Harry was familiar with, like Malfoy, Black, and Prewett. Then there were names Harry was not familiar with, like Lestrange and Rosier. And the dates on them went as far back as the seventeenth century.

Harry had gone through the book with Sirius, which was good, because Sirius weeded out some of the nastier letters that had been tucked away between the leather bindings. Harry thought the older ones really belonged in a museum, but Sirius said, as he burned them with a small incendiary charm, “There’s no sense in preserving pureblood drivel.”

Sirius also managed to mark the particularly dark spells, and warn Harry about a few that were too risky for a second yearn to try. Harry was proud that Sirius trusted him with the knowledge of those spells, and that pride was enough of a deterrent from using them. For now, at least.

That, and his mother still promised to teach him the Wolfsbane Potion if he did well in Potions, and his father had promised him a Nimbus 2001 if Harry didn’t get any detentions this year.

“Even for a good cause, like smuggling a dragon out of school?” Harry had asked, and James had hesitated, but eventually nodded. “Even for a good cause.”

Harry was determined to stay out of trouble.

The problem was, trouble came looking for Harry.

It started when he tried to get on the Hogwarts Express. James, Lily, Harry, Sirius, and Remus all made good time to the station. It was only ten-thirty. But when Harry pushed his cart against the barrier between platforms nine and ten, instead of passing through to platform nine-and-three-quarters, his cart crashed to the ground.

There was a huge delay, with wizards struggling to fix whatever had gone wrong, and by ten-forty-five, the barrier was repaired and a dozen students and parents rushed to get to the train.

Harry took a seat in the back again, and Ron and Hermione joined him shortly. They exchanged stories about the end of their summer.

“I wish you guys could’ve come visit,” Harry said. “Maybe for Christmas. We can play Quidditch and explore the woods.”

Hermione was not very impressed.

“My parents have a big library, too,” Harry said, and Hermione at least seemed interested in that.

Harry told them about his gift from Sirius, and showed Hermione and Ron some of the spells and letters.

“You’re not going to try some of these,” Hermione said.

“I might,” Harry grinned. “Sirius told me there were some safe ones. I should probably check with Uncle Remus first, though.”

Ron looked over a page that had fallen out on the floor. It looked like notes for a dark spell. “Sirius Black is cool, but Uncle Fabian and Uncle Gideon say the Black family was pretty messed up. I don’t know, Harry, you might want to — Ow, Scabbers —” He shoved his weasel back into his bag.

When the train arrived at the platform, instead of being escorted to the boats like their freshman year, they were led to horseless carriages that pulled themselves up towards the castle.

“I wonder what makes them go,” Hermione asked as the car lurched forward.

“Magic, isn’t it?” Ron asked impishly.

Hermione sniffed and turned her nose up. Harry was quite busy poring over a letter from Regulus Black to a woman named Narcissa Black. The tone of the letter was very intimate, and he was trying to figure out who they were. Based on the dates, they must’ve been in school around the same time as Sirius. But Sirius never talked much about his family, and this book made Harry all the more curious. He didn’t even notice Scabbers had slipped out of Ron’s pocket and was sniffing the pages.

Then, suddenly, Scabbers took the corner of one of the pages in his mouth and leapt out of the carriage.

“Hey!” Harry jumped after Scabbers. The papers in the leatherbound notebook went flying. Hermione tried to grab them as Harry tumbled out of the moving carriage and ran after Scabbers.

“Ron, call your weasel!”

“He never listens to me,” Ron said.

But Harry barely heard him. He was too busy running after Scabbers. He’d never known Ron’s weasel to nibble on parchment before. He wondered what had gotten into the old thing.

Harry felt like he had chased it halfway across the grounds before he managed to pounce on it. He wrapped his hands around Scabbers middle, but before he could even stand he heard something creak and groan. He barely managed to roll aside before a large tree branch smashed down to the ground. Harry got up and ducked as the large, gnarled tree swiped at him.

He was still clutching Scabbers tightly as he jumped out of the tree’s reach. The weasel squeaked in his hands and squirmed. Harry held Scabbers in one hand and reached down to pick up the letter Scabbers had dropped. He kept his eyes on the tree. It seemed still. He stepped forward and one of the branches slammed down. He barely managed to jump out of the way.

A little shaken, Harry managed to walk back to the path. Fred and George were in the carriage passing by with Lee Jordan.

“Harry! What happened to you?” Fred laughed.

George reached a hand down and helped him in. “This is the last carriage, mate. Don’t want to miss the feast.”

“It’s Ginny’s sorting,” Fred grinned and winked at George.

“Watcha got there?” Lee asked and pointed at Scabbers.

“Ron’s weasel,” Harry sighed. “He ran off with my letter. Don’t know what’s got into him. I nearly got smashed by a tree.”

“The Whomping Willow!” Fred said.

“No way,” said George. “That’s incredible.”

“It didn’t hit you or anything?” Lee asked. “I got a black eye my first year, trying to touch the trunk.”

“Madam Pomfrey threw a right fit about that,” Fred laughed.

“There’s supposed to be a secret passage beneath it,” George said, “but we’ve never been able to get to it. That Whomping Willow guards her secrets well.”

Harry laughed the whole way up to the castle. He loved hanging out with Fred and George and Lee. It was never a dull moment. They told Lee about stealing the flying car, asked Harry if he had any new tricks for Quidditch, and plotted an entirely new set of strategies for facing the Whomping Willow.

Once inside the Great Hall, Harry found Ron and Hermione again. He handed Scabbers to Ron, and Hermione handed him his journal. She’d put the scattered pages back in and re-bound it. Harry slipped the letter back inside, but left the corner tucked so he could read it later.

No one was surprised when Ginny was sorted into Gryffindor. Fred and George cheered the loudest, of course, but Ron and Harry were right behind them.

In the common room, Harry told Hermione and Ron about the Whomping Willow. Hermione tapped her fingers on one of the books in her lap.

“That’s odd,” she said, “that they would have such a dangerous tree on school grounds.”

“The last time we found something like that was Fluffy,” Ron said, and his face was a little green.

“I wonder what it’s protecting.” Harry looked thoughtfully out the window.

“No,” Hermione said very quickly. “No, you’re not going to go down there to find what it’s protecting, and you will not take the cloak down there just to see if it will still sense you.”

Harry laughed, because that was exactly what he’d been wondering. “Yeah, I don’t want a detention again.” He was still dreaming about that Nimbus 2001. “So no sneaking out. But maybe if we go on Saturday, just to see what would happen.”

“You’ve got Quidditch practice on Saturday, mate,” Ron said, and Harry sighed.

They went to bed late that night, when the excitement of Hogwarts and being amongst friends was finally beginning to wear off. Harry drew the curtains around his bed and whispered, “Lumos.”

His wand lit up and he pulled out the letter Scabbers had snatched from the book.

October 31, 1979

Dear Barty,

Don’t. I mean it. I grew up with Bellatrix and she’s only gotten worse since she left home. She’s volatile and unpredictable, and the reason she’s the Dark Lord’s right hand has nothing to do with her blood and everything to do with how easily she spills it. She’s not the sort of person you want to follow closely, if only because she might turn around and bite you for her own gain. There are better ways to advance than following her heels.

I hope you and your family enjoyed a pleasant Halloween. It’s strange to be home again instead of at Hogwarts together. Our Halloween here was rather quiet. Father’s health is failing, and Mother was in an especially sour mood. But fall is always hard for her. I know you don’t like when I talk about my brother, but sometimes I think she’d rather I was the one who ran away. Sirius and Mother may not have got on well, but they were so much more alike than her and I are. She would’ve preferred him as the family heir than me.

But hopefully that will change. The Dark Lord has requested the use of our House Elf for a task he said was very important. I’m expecting Kreacher to return shortly with news about this task and hopefully information that will allow me a little more political power. I know you’re more interested in hexes, but I’m interested in change. It’s the system that needs fixing and hexing Mudbloods isn’t the answer. I don’t know how many ways I can explain that to you.

I imagine you’ll be at your father’s next campaign, and I know Mother will attend as well. Father may not be well enough, so I’ll likely have to go in his place. I know you hate them, but go. We can talk more in person than over a few sheets of parchment.

Sincerely, Regulus Black

[pizza-is-my-buziness]

Malvie + protective Evie

Coronation has been the only topic of conversation at AuradonPrep for the past several days, though not for the reason that Evie suspectsthe royal family would like. Everyone in Auradon now knows the name Uma, whichEvie thinks would probably make Uma very happy, if she knew. Everywhere shegoes, Evie can hear snippets of conversation, words like “giant octopus” and “spelled”and “Isle”, usually spoken like a swear word, which she figures isn’t unusualfor the citizens of Auradon. She can also hear words like “dragon” and “Mal”and usually a few more words peppered into these sentences that always make herfrown and furrow her brow and quicken her pace to resist the urge to spin onher heel and give the gossipers a piece of her mind.

Evie, for one, is glad that coronation is behind them. Someof the tension has left Mal’s shoulders, but she can still see a blankness inMal’s face that had never been there before, like she’s just sitting back andwatching the rest of the world turn without her, unable to figure out how she’ssupposed to be a part of it. Back on the Isle, there had been a darkness to Mal’sgaze, resentment and desperation hidden in the shadows of her eyes. Evie thinksshe almost might prefer that to the emptiness that she sees now; it’s the samelook that Mal had worn when she’d found herself in the backseat of the limo,heading back to Auradon despite her best efforts to return herself to the Isle.The same look that she’d worn when being introduced as a lady of the court,that she’d worn in every interview and featurette the Auradon News Network hadrun on the future Lady Mal. It had been replaced, briefly, by relief when Malhad seen Ben there with Uma and then, later, by a brilliant fire that had madeheat pool in Evie’s stomach and her heart jump into her throat, thrilled andanxious.

But the blankness is back and it’s the first thing that Evienotices when she walks into the classroom and sees Mal already sitting at the tablethey share. Evie’s eyes fall to the ring on Mal’s finger and she ignores thesudden tightness in her throat, the way it seems like a relief to let her eyesreturn to Mal’s face again. “M,” she says, sliding into her seat, “are youokay?”

It’s something that she’s been asking her almost daily sincethe coronation, something that Evie can blame on the whole turned-into-a-dragonthing that is sure to have at least a side-effect or two. But Evie alwayswonders if Mal knows that’s not why she’s asking at all.

Mal nods, giving her a tight smile. Distracted, blank,distant. Like she’s trying to wake herself up after touching her mother’sinfamous spindle.

“Yeah, totally,” Mal says, nodding again. “I haven’t startedbreathing fire yet, so that’s good, right?”

Evie smiles, tucking a vibrant lock of hair behind her ear. “Itmight spice things up a bit,” she remarks.

Mal shakes her head. “Haven’t things been interesting enoughfor you?”

Evie is tempted to inform Mal that she’ll take all the excitementin the world if it would get that foggy expression off her face. But she bitesher tongue rather than point that out. “I never thought I would hear Mal fromthe Isle turn down the chance to cause a little mischief.”

“I’m sure we can find something that doesn’t involve arson orturning into a giant dragon,” Mal mumbles.

Evie lifts an eyebrow. “Okay but the dragon thing is totallycool,” she says. “Once I got past the whole scary, surprising factor.”

Mal frowns slightly, her forehead wrinkling. “Yeah, right,”she mutters. “I’m not sure anyone else would call it ‘cool.’”

Clearly Evie isn’t the only one who has been overhearing theconversations spreading around the campus. It makes annoyance flare inside herchest, makes her wish that she hadn’t walked past all those people sharingtheir opinions in the courtyard. She has plenty of opinions of her own that shecould share.

“Mal-” Evie reaches over, laying her hand over Mal’s, but shedoesn’t give a chance to finish her sentiment because their teacher has walkedinto the room and is calling the class to order. And, apparently in Auradon, whisperingduring lessons is strictly frowned upon.

Mal makes a valiant effort to follow along with the lecture,taking notes that only sometimes turn into absent doodles in the margins of hernotebook. Evie tries to listen, but most of her attention is on Mal and whatpart of her focus that isn’t devoted to the girl beside her is taken up by therest of their classmates, who are all attempting to look like they’re payingattention but who are really attempting to turn around in their seats and catcha glimpse of the dragon sitting in the back row.

Evie is pretty sure that by the end of class her face is indanger of being stuck in a permanent scowl, not that Mal seems to notice atall.

At least the nice thing on the agenda is lunch, which Eviehopes will give her a chance to actually talk to Mal and drop the act ofpretending that her concern is purely because of the whole shapeshiftingincident.

Evie tries not to be disappointed to find that Lonnie and Jayare already sitting at their usual table. If it had been just the two of them,she thinks she might have had a chance of talking to Mal like they used to backon the Isle. But she knows any chance of that is gone now and Evie tries toresist the urge to chew on her bottom lip, not wanting to smudge her lipstickor tear at her skin. Totally unattractive, her mother’s voice reminds her inthe back of her mind.

Mal sits down at the table beside her, methodically tearingher sandwich into smaller pieces and popping each one into her mouth. Lonnie istalking about something involving ROAR and Jay is nodding along, a grin on his face,which Evie is relieved about. It at least makes it less obvious that she andMal aren’t doing much talking.

But it doesn’t do much to drown out the conversation comingfrom the table behind their own. Especially when it’s obvious that the conversationis meant to be overheard.

Evie had gotten used to not having Audrey around, but she’sback now, valiantly rescued by Chad from the perils of a flat tire in SherwoodForest. Audrey hasn’t missed a beat, or so it seems, still holding court amongthose of her friends who are still content to distance themselves from the Islekids.

“Honestly, I don’t know what they’re thinking,” Audrey issaying and Evie glances over her shoulder long enough to see Audrey flip herhair over her shoulder, cutting her eyes in Evie’s direction. “Letting her hangaround here. Talk about dangerous. I mean she can turn into a dragon. A dragon.”

The attention her comment receives from her tablemates isenough to encourage Audrey to keep going. Evie feels her jaw tighten, her hearthammering in her chest.

“You know who elsecan do that?” Audrey continues. “Maleficent. The worst villain of all time. AmI the only one who remembers that? And we locked her up, didn’t we?”

Now even Lonnie has fallen silent and Evie can see Jay’s ownexpression darkening, though Mal seems not to notice at all.

“There’s no such thing as a good dragon,” Audrey continues. “Justask my dad.”

Evie is on her feet before she’s even aware of the impulsepassing through her brain. “Maybe someone should lock you up Audrey,” she snaps, “send you to the Isle so you can learn some of the manners your parentsclearly didn’t teach you here.”

Audrey smiles, lifting her eyebrows. “I didn’t know they taughtmanners to villains.”

“The only villain I see here is you,” Evie retorts. “Malsaved your life. She’s saved Auradon more times than I care to count. She’s ahero, which is more than I can say for someone like you.”

Evie turns back to her table, reaching for Mal’s hand. “Let’sgo.”

Mal takes her hand immediately, almost instinctively, anddoesn’t protest when Evie drags her away from their table and from all the eyeswatching their escape from the cafeteria. Evie ignores them, keeping her head high,her jaw clinched tightly.

Once they’re safely away from the cafeteria, tucked into oneof the many eaves of the Auradon Prep building, Evie reaches for Mal’s otherhand, pulling her closer. “M, are you okay? I can’t believe-”

“I’m fine,” Mal says, “but you shouldn’t have bothered. She’snot wrong, you know.”

Evie’s eyes narrow and she looks at Mal, surprised. “What areyou talking about? Of course she’s wrong.”

“I am just like my mother,” Mal points out. “She could do thewhole dragon thing too. And I might be dangerous…I don’t know how to controlany of this and-”

“You aren’t dangerous, Mal,” Evie interrupts with a scoff anda roll of her eyes. “That’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard.”

Mal only looks at her. “Even you said the whole dragon thingwas scary,” she says. “Remember?”

Evie’s eyes go wide. “But that’s not what I meant! I meantthat it was scary because the most important person in my life had suddenlybecome a dragon and I had no idea what was going to happen to you! Mal, how canyou ever think that I would be afraid of you?” She asks, unable to keep thehurt from her voice.

Mal drops her eyes, staring at her feet. “I don’t know what Iknow anymore,” she admits softly.

This isn’t hard for Evie to believe, given the blank look she’salways seeing in Mal’s eyes or the way she had run away the first chance she’dgotten. Belonging in two different places can sometimes make you feel like you’rebeing torn apart.

“Mal,” Evie says, reaching up to let her fingers brushagainst Mal’s cheek, “I know you. I know who you are. You don’t have to gothrough any of this alone. You don’t have to do what everyone else wants youto, what they all expect you to do. You can be you, completely you. And I’llstill be here. I’ll always be here.”

Mal swallows, holding tightly to Evie’s other hand. “Evie…”

She doesn’t finish her thought, instead moving closer toEvie, pulling her into a hug. Evie closes her eyes, letting her chin rest onMal’s shoulder. She can feel the feather-light touch of Mal’s hand along thecurve of her back, a habit that she developed when they were younger on theIsle and both needed the reminder that they weren’t alone. She exhales into Mal’sjacket, holding her tightly, not wanting to let her go. It’s not a new feeling,this need to hold onto Mal and keep her close, and she hasn’t been doing a goodjob of reminding herself that there’s someone else out there who has more of aright to hold onto Mal and protect her from harm.

But that thought doesn’t make it any easier to let go of Mal.It never does. It only makes her want to hold her tighter.

“What would I do without you, E?” Mal murmurs and Evie triesto swallow around the tightness in her throat.

“Well, you aren’t going to have to find out,” Evie tells herwith one final squeeze. She forces herself to step away from Mal’s embrace. “Ipromise.”

~ ~ ~

Evie is lost in her thoughts, letting her mind drift away asher fingers move independently of the rest of her body, smoothing fabricthrough her sewing machine needle. She’s glad that she can work on the simpleact of stitching and sewing even when her mind is a million miles away,otherwise she would be doomed to sit on her bed and stare off into space andnever get anything done. At least like this no one will know that she can’tfocus on anything for more than a few seconds at a time.

It takes her a few moments to register the sound of the dooropening, the sound of Mal’s footsteps on the stone floor, but Evie finallypulls herself back to the present, switching off her sewing machine. “Hey,” shesays, a smile fitting onto her face easily. “Where have you been?”

Mal hadn’t been at dinner and Evie had tried not to let it worryher, especially given the lunch conversation. But she lets her eyes travelacross Mal’s face, like she often does, searching for clues that will tell herwhat’s running through Mal’s mind.

Her eyes, Evie can’t help but notice, look a little clearerthan usual. Brighter, more focused, the blank look having slipped away.

“I’ve been with Ben,” Mal tells her.

Evie immediately shifts her gaze, turning back toward hersewing machine. “Oh, of course,” she says with forced cheerfulness. “How isBen?”

“Probably not feeling his best right now,” Mal replies. “Ijust broke things off with him.”

The fabric bunches up beneath the needle but Evie can hardlybring herself to care as she whirls back around to face Mal. “What? Why?”

Mal sits down on the bench beside her, reaching for Evie’shand. “Because you were right. I’ve just been doing what everyone else wants meto do, whatever they expect me to do. I feel like I’ve been…spinning out ofcontrol, like I can’t keep up with anything anymore, that it’s just easier tosit back and let everyone else tell me what to do, because it makes them happy.But it’s not what I want.”

Evie can’t help but let her gaze drop to Mal’s hands, notingthe absence of the ring on her finger. She feels guilty for the way that herheart jumps a little in her chest but it’s hard to think about Ben right now,with Mal’s hands in her own and Mal’s knee pressing against hers.

“Mal…I…” Evie shakes her head, her eyes searching Mal’s faceonce more. She can see clearer now but she had noted before, the sudden brightclarity in Mal’s face.

“It’s not what I want, Evie,” Mal tells her, almostexcitedly. “I didn’t want any of that. To be a lady of the court? A princess?That’s just not me.” She shakes her head. “I just want to be here, in Auradon,trying to figure out who I am.”

Evie swallows, unable to stop the grin from breaking acrossher face. “Mal, you almost seem like your old self,” she says, her tone slightlyteasing.

“You know, Mal of the Isle definitely wouldn’t have letsomeone else tell her what she wanted,” Mal points out. “She would have justgone for it.”

“Well I think-”

Evie doesn’t get to finish because suddenly Mal’s lips are onhers and they’re kissing and all Evie can do is close her eyes and pull in adeep breath and hold on tightly to Mal as she kisses her back.

“What was that?” Evie asks, breathlessly, when the kiss isfinally broken and she immediately finds herself missing the touch of Mal’slips on her own.

She doesn’t want to talk, doesn’t want to question Mal andher motives, doesn’t want to wonder if all of this is really happening. She reallyjust wants to kiss Mal again.

But she forces herself to show some restraint.

“That was me going for what I want,” Mal tells her. “Becausewhat I want is you, Evie.”

And then they’re kissing again and Evie can’t really rememberhard to breathe at all and her mind is just buzzing with the memory of Mal’swords.

This time, Evie thinks, when she puts her arms around Mal andholds her close, she doesn’t have to think about letting go.  

[thejilyship]

Wishing you all a Good Evening - Part Five

an: this part gave me a fair amount of grief. Because I wanted it to be one thing, and it wanted to be another. Please enjoy a very drunk Lily and everything that goes with it. 

Comments are lovely.  

WC: 8.3K

PART ONE | PART TWO | PART THREE | PART FOUR | PART FIVE | PART SIX | PART SEVEN | ff.net

By the time Mary and Lily arrived at the party, there were already too many people crammed into the house where James and his mates apparently lived. It wasn’t that far out of the city, but Lily hadn’t expected something this nice. They were all in Uni after all, and she didn’t know how they could afford it. Perhaps they’d received a good deal from a relative, or the house had been passed down from generation to generation. Or maybe it was some kind of bet that had landed four blokes in uni such a nice place to live.

Lily was caught up in the ‘why,’ simply because she didn’t want to think about an inevitable social interaction that was bound to happen once they walked into the house. Though there were a lot of people there, maybe she wouldn’t even see James that night.

Mary didn’t share Lily’s reservations and pushed open the door as soon as she approached it, “Come on, Lils! We have to find Marlene. I feel like I haven’t seen her in years.”

“It’s been a couple of weeks, you two are so dramatic.” Lily said, walking in and staying close behind her friend. She recognized a lot of people from the studio already, so he hadn’t been joking when he said that he was inviting all of them. It was a comfort to see Amelia and some of the writers dancing off to her left and Emmett waved to her from her right, his hands full of food as he walked out of what Lily assumed was the kitchen.

“Here,” Mary had always been good at finding drinks and they were hardly ten steps into the door and she was already handing Lily a red cup. Lily shook her head and smiled before taking a drink. Tasted liked spiked punch to her, and while she normally stuck to beer at these parties, just to be safe, one drink couldn’t hurt. Especially not when she was surrounded by so many people that she knew. Almost everyone she looked at looked familiar.

Mary grinned at her, apparently having expected some sort of argument from Lily. But she was still a bit nervous and on edge and she could tell that it was just vodka that she was drinking so she wasn’t going to argue about the drink, as she desperately wanted some alcohol in her system to calm her nerves.  

“Do you know where Marlene is?” Lily asked, feeling the bass change as the next song came on. She could feel it in her chest, vibrating. It’d been a while since she’d been to an actual party, lately they’d been more into going to pubs on the weekend, but she liked this too. On occasion anyway.

Mary pulled out her phone and looked through her messages for a moment. “She said she’s out back,” She said, shoving her phone back into her pocket and then grabbing Lily’s arm, pulling her toward the back of the house.

They’d spent only five minutes in the house but stepping outside felt nice anyway. Marlene was easy to spot, standing near Bertram and Benjy. “Marlene!” Mary shrieked, running across the deck and launched herself at the other girl. Lily smiled at the two of them.

“Mary I’ve missed you so much!” Marlene exclaimed, handing her drink off to one of the boys so she could give Mary a proper hug. “It’s been too long.”

“They saw each other last week, right?” Bertram asked, looking over at Lily.

“It’s been two weeks,” Lily shrugged. “You two had Marlene last weekend so Mary didn’t get to see her.” He nodded, remembering whatever their plans had been.

Lily looked around and was surprised to find that the house came with a decent sized backyard. Her grandmother had lived in London, and Lily had walked through her neighborhood many times, but yards much bigger than a matchbox were hard to come by. This yard could fit another, smaller, house.

“This place is insane,” Mary said, noticing what Lily had noticed.

“Yeah, apparently some of the boys who live here come from money. Like, not just one of them, but some of them. So, they got this place.” Marlene shrugged, looking around.

“Well I’m going to have to introduce myself because I know none of them, and because I’m curious how they managed to get this place. They’re renting obviously.” Marlene shrugged again. Then the two girls started catching up, going over everything that they had done the last two weeks and Lily was content to listen, even though she’d heard everything already since she saw both of them almost daily. She wasn’t ready to venture back into the house yet though and chance seeing James.

Fate seemed to have other plans however.

“Oo! Em is here!” Mary announced, and Lily realized that she’d already finished her drink since they’d walked outside. “You’re going to love, Emmeline.” Mary continued, looking at Marlene. “Lily loves her, don’t you Lily?”

“I do,” She said, looking into her empty cup and frowning. “She’s very nice.”

“Don’t make her sound boring,” Mary rolled her eyes and then grabbed Lily hand and pulled her back into the house. “We’ll be back in a moment,” She called over her shoulder.

And once again, Lily was being dragged through the house by her best friend. And once again, Mary found another drink for Lily. Lily was glad that Mary seemed to have the ability to pull them out of thin air, and took it again, without saying anything.

“You’re being quiet, Lily. I thought we agreed not to overthink things. To have fun with our friends.”

“We did.” She nodded, taking another drink. “Maybe I’ll have fun after I finish this drink,” She grinned. And then they were back at the front of the house and Em was there, hugging someone with sandy blonde hair.

“That must be Remus,” Mary grinned and bounced slightly as she stepped up to her girlfriend. It was Remus and Em introduced the two of them and then waved Lily over. Remus raised his brow when he saw her, and Lily gave him a tight-lipped smile.

“You two know each other?” Em asked, noticing the strange exchange.

“No, I’ve just heard about Remus.” Lily said, holding out her hand.

“Probably not as much as I’ve heard about you.” He said, reaching out and shaking her hand. “It’s nice to finally meet you.”

“Oh!” Mary shook her head. “Because James fancies you something awful. I was all confused for a moment.”

“Yeah,” Remus nodded with a laugh. “We didn’t really think that Lily would show up tonight.”

“Well I talked her into it and she’s probably regretting her decision to come very much now.” Mary grinned, tossing her arm around Lily’s shoulders.

“Slightly,” She nodded, taking another sip of her drink.

“Well he’s going to be happy that you’re here.” Remus grinned.

“Oh come on, you can’t avoid blokes who fancy you unless you lock yourself in your flat.” Em teased, taking Mary’s cup from her hand and taking a drink.

“Oi! Get your own,”

“You can get me a drink,” Em suggested, quirking a brow. Mary jutted out her jaw and then walked off to do just that.

“You should use your superpower to get her to pick up her laundry.” Lily laughed.

“I have to use it sparingly or she’ll notice what I’m doing.” Em shrugged, doing her best to look contrite.

Em walked off after Mary and suddenly Lily was standing there with Remus. “He was in the kitchen last I knew,” He said, sliding his hands into his pockets and leaning back slightly. “Though I doubt you’ll be able to avoid him for long.” Lily chuckled.

“He’s not going to think I came to see him though, right?”

Remus narrowed his brow. “I mean, it is his party, isn’t it?”

Lily opened her mouth and then closed it, nodding her head slowly. “I knew I shouldn’t have listened to Mary. Nothing good ever comes from listening to her.”

“Em has always made her sound quite wonderful.” Remus countered.

“They haven’t been dating all that long and Em is still blind to all of Mary’s many flaws.”

“What about you? Do you have any flaws?” He looked like he was amused by something and Lily stuck him with a look.

“Of course, I have flaws.” She said.

“He’s a nice bloke, if that means anything to you. I’ve known him since I was eleven and he’s always been a nice bloke.”

“I can think of a few instances where he wasn’t a nice bloke.”

“Oh sure, he’s also a prat. A major prat. But he’s found quite a nice balance between the two recently.” He grinned, and Lily laughed.

“You know Sirius wasn’t singing his praise when he accosted me in the library.”

“Oh yeah, James was all bent out of shape over that.” Remus laughed. “But there’s no telling Sirius what to do, so he got quite a laugh out of it. But he likes you to. Completely different way of course.”

“So I shouldn’t expect Sirius to post any pictures of the two of us on twitter?”

“James is also stupid,” Remus said, suddenly looking more serious. But then he cracked a grin.

“You know, I might have worked that out all on my own.”

“Right, it doesn’t take long to notice.” He laughed. “I think Sirius might have told him it was a good idea.” Lily laughed at that.

“Sirius seems like a character.”

“It’s the only thing he knows how to be.” Remus grinned, looking at something over her shoulder. “And I’m going to give you a fair amount of warning. James has just spotted you.” Lily tensed slightly and then nodded. She talked to James all week, this didn’t have to be any different than that. She took another healthy sized drink from her cup.

“Thank you for that.” Lily smiled at Remus, “I’m getting the feeling that you’re the voice of reason in the group.”

“I get that feeling a lot too,” Remus grinned.

“Lily!” She took one more drink and then turned around.

“’Lo, James.” She smiled. “You weren’t joking when you said that you were inviting everyone in the studio.”

“No I wasn’t,” He was smiling at her in a way that she wasn’t used to and it made her stomach flip in a way that wasn’t entirely bad. Actually, it was kind of nice to have someone look at her like that, with so much excitement, even if it also made her nervous. “I wanted to make sure that no one got left out.” He grinned, “Seeing as how I’ll be spending a lot of time with them from now on and I don’t want anyone miffed with me.”

“Oh no one is going to be miffed with you,” She said, turning around for a moment and seeing that Remus had disappeared. She turned back to him and took another sip, feeling her head start to get lighter. “You got a lot of people to watch the show and people like that. Also, you’re nice to them and they’re quite an easy-going bunch.”

He just kept smiling and she couldn’t help but smile back. When she went to take another drink, she realized her second cup was empty and she smiled at that too. “So what is this party for?”

James’ smile dulled for a moment and he cocked his head to the side. “Well we won our game, didn’t we?” Lily laughed and shook her head.

“You told me about the party days ago.” James chuckled and shrugged.

“Well I was banking on us winning. Did you watch the game?” Lily normally didn’t have a problem saying that she didn’t watch the games, but James did play in them and he was quite good at it.

“Um, well not really.”

James laughed, “Not really?”

She shrugged and shook her head. “I don’t watch much sports. I’ll go to one of Emmett’s rugby games every now and then but only if he promises me sweets and coffee.”

“Oh Lily,” He shook his head. “The games are all a blast! Even if you’re just watching on the telly.”

“Well I can imagine that you would think so, you play on the team.”

“I do.” He nodded, “But you know how much our school enjoys the game, it’s quite impressive really that you have managed not to get swept up in it all.”

Lily rolled her eyes and looked around, wishing that she had Mary’s superpower to pull drinks out of thin air. She wasn’t sure if she was trying to get drunk or not, but the alcohol was doing wonders for her nerves. And she had been ditched by Mary and Em. “It’s not that I don’t like football, it’s just that I’m very busy all the time and I… well it’s kind of lost its appeal for me anyway.”

“What does that mean?” He asked.

She shrugged again, “Means that I used to like it and now I don’t.” He didn’t push any further and she was glad, since she wasn’t planning on telling him anything more than that.

“Well you missed a good game.” He said, “You wanna find another drink?” He asked, apparently noticing that her cup was empty as well. “Sirius and Peter made the punch, is that what you were drinking?”

“Yeah, it’s good.” She nodded. “What is it exactly? Apart from vodka.” He chuckled and shrugged.

“Orange juice and lemonade and a few other juices. I wasn’t home when they made it, but Peter was quite proud.” Peter was the only one of the four that she hadn’t met yet.

“Well he should be proud, it’s very good.”

“He’ll be chuffed that you think so,” He nodded in the direction of the kitchen and Lily, still without Mary to pull drinks from the air, followed after him, though keeping a slight distance.

Once they were in the kitchen and Lily’s drink was refilled, she decided it was probably time to try and find her mates again. She couldn’t spend all evening with him if she was intent on him not thinking that she was here to see him. “Well thanks for showing me where the punch is. You’ve got lots of guests to mingle with- and I’ve got to go and make sure that Marlene doesn’t get into a fight with Emmeline unnecessarily. You know how she does that.”

“I do?” He asked, looking disappointed that she was looking for an out, but she hadn’t left room for an argument.

“Well she did try and fight you in the coffee shop,” Lily laughed, reaching for a bowl of pretzels on the counter and popping one in her mouth.

“Oh yes, she’s kind of terrifying.” Lily nodded.

“She’ll be glad to hear that you think so,” She grinned and then held up her handful of pretzels in some sort of wave. “Thanks again,”

He took a step forward and then nodded, “Yeah, no problem. I’ll see you around.” She nodded in a way that she hoped he took as noncommittal and then headed back to the porch, hoping that her friends were still there.

They were still there and Emmeline was seated on the railing, trying to French braid Marlene’s wild hair. “Oh this is nice,” She grinned, looking at Mary who looked thrilled. “It wasn’t what I was expecting to walk out and find, but it’s nice.”

“What happened to you? You disappeared.” Mary said.

“No, you and your girlfriend disappeared, and James found me, but I have more alcohol and I have pretzels and he’s actually being nice tonight, so I’m in a good mood.”

“He’s always nice to you.” Marlene countered, and Lily shrugged.

“He wasn’t flirty is what I meant. He was just friendly, and it was nice.” She ate another pretzel. “Also, I don’t think that he thinks I came here to see him. So we’re good on that front too.”

“Are we, red?”

Everyone turned to look at the door, except for Lily. She’d only had one conversation with the owner of that voice and yet she was already familiar. “Evening, Sirius,” She smiled, turning around and sticking another pretzel in her mouth. “Are you here to tell me that we have more problems?”

“I’m always here to tell someone about a problem,” He smirked.

“And what seems to be the problem?” Lily asked, taking another drink, noticing that she was tipping her cup quite considerably. There didn’t seem to be much left. She was drinking awfully fast tonight.

“Well you’re entirely wrong about everything you just said for starters. Also, looks like your cup is empty.”

“And who are you?” Marlene asked before Lily could comment on either of the things that he said.

“Sirius Black, James’ best mate.”

“I thought Remus was his best mate,” Emmeline said, looking over at Mary for confirmation.

“Remus is a wanker, and I’m his best mate too. I’m everyone’s favorite.”

“Ah,” Marlene nodded. “Me as well.”

“She gets it,” Sirius said, nodding toward Marlene while looking at Lily. “Who is she anyway.”

“I’m sure you’ve heard of her.” Lily chuckled. “That’s Marlene. She works on the show and-“

“And scared the wits out of James,” He nodded, smiling appreciatively at her. “Yes, I have heard of you.”

“It’s my job to do the scaring.”

“You didn’t scare me,” Em said, looking around at her.

“I like you.” She shrugged. “Don’t know why you put up with Mary if I’m being completely honest.”

Emmeline appreciated that, but Mary did not and reached out to swat her on the arm.

“Anyway,” Lily said, raising a brow. “What did you mean when you said that I was wrong about everything?”

“Exactly that.” He shrugged. “James just came up and gushed to me about how you’d showed up and that you’re wonderful and that the two of you are getting along so well-“

“Urgh,” She shook her head, “Of course we’re getting along. We work together so I decided that I wasn’t gonna like, not like him. Because then doing the show wouldn’t be fun. Also he’s funny and a bit clever when he’s not being thick.” She shrugged. “I just wish he’d- oh I don’t know. You were definitely right about the second problem. I am out of a drink,” She said, shaking her empty glass forlornly.

“Can’t do anything about James being a swot, but we can fix your drink,”

“Yes,” Lily nodded and held her cup out to Mary. “Mary is a drink fairy. She can pull them out of thin air.” She motioned that Mary should do exactly that and the other girl just laughed.

“Lils, you’re a bit smashed already aren’t you.”

Lily nodded, not bothering denying it. “I am.” She said. “But still, you’re a drink fairy. You always know where they are, and you always manage to get me one about two seconds after we walk into a place. Even the pub. It doesn’t matter if there’s a line, you just always have a drink without waiting for one.”

“You just have to know who to turn to for them,” She shrugged.

“She’s a flirt is what she’s saying,” Em smirked.

“At the pub, yeah,” Mary nodded. “I am.”

“Lily’s a bit of a flirt too,” Marlene pointed out, causing Lily to scoff rather dramatically.

“I am not a flirt.”

“Lily’s just really nice,” Mary actually chose to argue on Lily’s side for once and that made Lily stand up a bit taller and smirk proudly. “And her being nice just makes blokes think that she’s flirting with them.” She looked at Lily, who thought that it was a fair assessment. “You need to learn how to be mean, Lily.” She said, causing Lily to raise her brows.

“I’m plenty mean.” She crossed her arms over her chest.

“You get annoyed, but you don’t get mean.” Marlene said. “I mean when James told me that you suggested that he audition for the show- which was a lie- you didn’t even call him out on it.”

“You called him out! I didn’t need to.” She looked over at Sirius. “Also I knew he was being a git. Like you were being a git in the library, and I didn’t feel the need to tell you that you were being a git, because I was pretty sure that you already knew.”

“I did.” He nodded. “And I wouldn’t have listened to you anyway. But James definitely thinks you were flirting with him earlier. Which is fine, you should flirt with him. It makes him so happy,” He held his hand over his chest and a stupid smile slipped onto his face and Lily frowned.

“I didn’t flirt with anyone.”

“I don’t know if you did or didn’t.” Sirius said. “Only that my mate likes you, and that it’s my job to tell you that he’s really not a bad bloke and I think you should give him a chance.”

“Urg!” She turned to Mary. “Clearly I should have stayed home.”

Mary shrugged. “It’s all going to be fine.” But it didn’t sound convincing in the slightest.

“Come on, Red. Let’s get you something else to drink.”

“That’s all I want right now.” She sighed, following Sirius back into the house and into the kitchen. The place seemed even more crowded now than the last time that she was in here. She managed to squeeze her way to the counter and dunked her cup into the bowl of punch since she didn’t see the ladle anywhere.

She didn’t know where Sirius had gone off to, but she hadn’t planned on sticking with him anyway, so she made her way back out of the kitchen. She was trying to get back to the porch, so she could hang out with her friends some more, but she ended up in what would probably be a living room when it wasn’t filled with dozens of drunk college students, dancing horribly to some song that might not have lyrics.

“Lily?” She looked over and spotted James making his way toward her again. And just behind him, she saw Sirius, who winked at her as they made eye contact.

“’Lo, James.” She said, tapping her fingers on the side of her glass, telling herself that it was in time with the music, but she couldn’t have found a beat if she tried. The glass was sticky from having been dunked into the bowl of punch. “You know I thought Sirius was walking me to the kitchen, but it turns out he had other plans.”

“What was that?” He asked, not having heard her since he’d only just reached her side.

“Nothing. Just muttering about Sirius.” He gave her a look but didn’t press the subject. “I wasn’t flirting with you.” She blurted out. “Earlier when we were talking. I wasn’t flirting.” The look he was giving her only intensified.

“Okay,” He said, his brow dropping from where it had been high on his forehead.

“And yesterday at the studio, I wasn’t flirting then either.” She took a fairly large drink and looked over at him.

He sighed and ran a hand through his hair and Lily watched his hair get pulled back and then spring back to where it had been. He had very nice hair really. “Sirius just goes and tells you everything that I tell him, doesn’t he?”

“I don’t know.” She sighed, shaking her head. “I didn’t believe him the other day in the library, but then you came and found me, so I was like, ‘hmm, maybe he wasn’t lying.’ And now he found me again on the porch and I just feel like I need to tell you that I wasn’t flirting with you. I’ve been told that my being nice gets misinterpreted a lot.”

“Am I coming on too strong? Is that the issue?”

“What?”

“I mean, I haven’t been subtle about fancying you. And apparently Sirius has been being even less subtle about it. Probably because he’s annoyed with me-“

“Because you haven’t shut up about me for two years.” She interjected, and he chuckled.

“You’re a bit smashed, aren’t you, Evans?”

“This is my fourth drink.” She nodded. “I think it’s my fourth drink…” She tried to remember how many she’d had, but it was a waste of time.

“But yeah, I suppose I’ve been a bit hung up. I thought he would be glad that I’ve finally started talking to you instead of just admiring from afar-“

“What- Just-“ She shook her head. “Admiring what from afar? And I’m not fishing for compliments or anything, it’s just, I live in the studio and I don’t really talk to anyone except my roommate and Marlene and occasionally Emmett.”

“Sure, but you’re kind of brilliant.” He said. “What with the show, and we’ve had classes together and my favorite moments were always when you started arguing with someone.”

“I am known to argue- I should go and tell Marlene that. She doesn’t think I can be mean.”

“I’ve never seen you be mean.”

“But I argue,”

“That’s not mean though.” He shrugged. “You’re just passionate about things you care for and it’s fun to watch.” He was smiling at her again, with one of those jarring smiles that she just realized left her kind of breathless. It wasn’t because his smile was brilliant so much as because… well maybe it was because his smile was brilliant. And he’d called her brilliant, that was nice too.

“Stop looking at me like that,” She said when she found her voice again. He just laughed and looked out at the scene before them, thought Lily kept her eyes on his profile. If questioned, it was because she was making sure that he wouldn’t start looking at her again. That would be a lie.

“Sorry, can’t really help it. Though I suppose I can stop blathering on to Sirius about you all the time since he’s clearly not interested in helping me out any.”

“Well that’s not really true.” Lily said, bringing her cup back up to her lips. “He did just tell you that I was here, didn’t he? And out on the porch he said-“ She cut herself off and shook her head.

“What did he say?” He asked, looking back at her. She looked up at him and wondered if he’d been drinking too. If that was the real reason that he wanted to stand here at the edge of a party and talk to her about his feelings and let her tell him that she hadn’t flirted with him. It would definitely be more fun to find someone to dance with, and he definitely wouldn’t have a problem finding someone to dance with. Which had nothing to do with his looks, and just his status on campus.

Though maybe his looks should have been factored in. Because it wasn’t just his hair and his smile that were wonderful looking. He had nice eyes too. Full of mirth and mischief almost constantly, and standing as close as they were just then, she could see flakes of green and gold in them. Even his nose was nice; long and slender and perfectly suited to the rest of his face.

“Evans?” He was smirking at her and she realized that she must have been staring.

“I’m sorry, I zoned out. What was your question?” She took another drink and tried to ignore his smirk. And what it did to her stomach.

“You were telling me what Sirius told you out on the porch.” He said, and she remembered him asking her that, not that she’d been about to tell him.

“I was not telling you that,” She huffed. “But I’m sure he’d tell you what he said.”

“Was he being a proper mate then?” He asked, sounding amused.

“Yeah, he was being a proper mate.” She nodded.

“I knew he was a good mate.”

“How did the two of you become friends in the first place?” She asked suddenly, remembering her musings from the library. “You two seem complete opposite one another.”

“Oh he’s just dark and brooding. And angsty. He’s a right laugh most of the time though. Also I had no idea what he’d become when I met him. We were eleven.” He laughed.

“Right. Is he into origami?”

James frowned and shook his head. “You weren’t joking about the lily he made you?”

“No. I thought it was strange.”

“Well he is strange.” He shrugged.

“That he is,” She nodded, feeling confident in her conclusion despite only having had a couple conversations with him.

“So if you’re not going to tell me what he told you specifically out on the porch, will you tell me something else?”

“I suppose I have to say yes to that, or just walk away since saying no would mean that you had to keep up both sides of the conversation.” She shrugged, taking another sip. “What do you want me to tell you?”

“Am I coming on too strong?” He repeated his question from earlier, eliciting an eye roll from her. “Is that a yes? I mean, I figured it was a yes, but…” He shrugged.

“You’re a very confusing bloke,” She said honestly.

“Confusing? I’m going to have to disagree with you there, I’ve been decidedly not confusing about-“

“You’ve been confusing,” She said. “Maybe you’ve not been confused, but I have.” She leaned back against the wall and thought over everything that had happened in the last week. “I mean for goodness sakes – don’t tell Sirius I said goodness sakes – You’ve only been around for the last week! Two weeks ago I didn’t see you at all and now you’re just-“ She made some gesture with her hands and pursed her lips together. “You’re just always here.”

“Well I joined the show-“

“No. You sat down with me at the pub last weekend before that.”

“And now you’re at my party.”

“Which I’m already regretting,” She said, though she didn’t know if that was true. It had seemed true out on the porch, but things seemed decidedly less confusing and upsetting when she was actually talking to James. That was mainly how she worked, she was brilliant at being upset or annoyed with people when she wasn’t actually talking to them.

“No you’re not,” He said, sounding far more certain than she wanted him to.

“No, I’m not.” She sighed. “Maybe. I don’t know.”

He chuckled and shook his head. “Alright, maybe you are a bit confused.”

“S’not even the alcohols fault.” And that actually was the truth.

“What is it that you’re most confused about then?”

She looked over at him and thought about it for a moment. What was she most confused about? “Are you a nice bloke?” She asked. “Like truly?”

He raised a brow and ran a hand through his hair. “I mean I- is this because of the first time we met?”

“I mean that, but also your twitter is obnoxious and you’re always running your hand through your hair like that so it looks all tousled like it does after you get off the field, and you can be quite presumptuous. Sometimes I think that you think just because you’re good at football you’re entitled to other people’s time or something. And you just insert yourself into situations, which I guess is another form of being presumptuous-“

“Alright,” He interrupted, looking uncomfortable again.

“But then there’s that,” She pointed at his face. “Most of the time you act like this cocky sonofabitch, and then you do that,” She pointed again.

“And what is it that I’m doing now?”

“The opposite of acting like a cocky sonofabitch!” She exclaimed. “And I mean, I get it, people are always giving you compliments and telling you how wonderful you are at whatever it is that you’re doing, because people like you because you’re good at football. But how much of that is a show? How much do you play it up?”

“You know I didn’t think that this was how this conversation was going to go.” He said. “Am I allowed to offer a rebuttal?”

“A rebuttal of my complaints?” She snorted and shrugged. “I mean, I’d expect nothing less.”

“Well most of the time, Sirius runs my twitter. He also things I’m a umm… ‘cocky sonofabitch’ and so he posts all kinds of shit that I wouldn’t post myself. And I promise you that my hair just naturally looks like this.” He said, ruffling it up again.

“That’s unlikely.” She said, almost reaching up to touch it herself, but then she remembered that touching it wouldn’t tell her if he was telling the truth or not.

“My hair was the bane of my mother’s existence.” He said, giving her a rueful smile. “Told me that it looked as though a mouse had crawled into it while I was sleeping and just started using it as a house.” She almost laughed at that, because it did look as though a wild animal might call it home.

“I can’t really argue your other points. I suppose I am rather presumptuous, but I have been trying to be less so around you.”  

“Alright,” She allowed. “But you still think that I’m here for you,”

He shook his head, “I wish you were. But I’m not delusional.”

She looked at him and pursed her lips. “See. You’re confusing.”

“I really don’t mean to be. I suppose if I had just made a good impression the first go at it, things would have turned out much differently.”

“Maybe,” She shrugged. “Maybe not.”

“Nah, I’m quite sure that they would have.”

“I mean, if you hadn’t told me to take your blatant ogling as a compliment, it wouldn’t have hurt your case.” He laughed and she smiled.

“I still can’t believe I said that.” He muttered, shaking his head. “I mean, I should just be impressed that I got you to speak civilly with me. Gah, if my mother knew she might skin me alive.”

“Helps that you feel bad about it too.” She grinned. “And I listed some of the things I don’t like about you but I mean, you’re not a bad bloke, yeah? The people who watch the show seem to like you.”

“Well I am dead set on impressing the people who watch the show.” He smirked in a way that let her know he was being sarcastic. He probably cared what they thought, but he’d already said that it was her that he was trying to impress. “And I don’t think it’s just me that they’re interested in.”

“You got them to watch though.”

“Yeah, but they like us. I mean, we were trending all week.”

“Were we?” She asked. “I hadn’t noticed.”

“You know you’re only giving clout to Sirius saying you’re eighty years old.”

“You can’t give me shit for that, you weren’t even there when he said it.” She pouted and he laughed.

“Well I feel like you should know how to use Twitter properly.”

“I know how to use it enough,” She shrugged.

“Well then yes, we were trending.”

“How so? Any particular bits?” She was too drunk to talk about the breakdown of the show, but even in this state of inebriation, she couldn’t not be curious.

“No particular bits, no.” He shook his head and reached his hand into his pocket, looking as though he was debating something. “They just like us I guess.” He shrugged.

“You’re not telling me something.” She accused.

“Perhaps.” He shrugged again and smiled at her.

“Is it about Twitter?”

“Yes.”

“Then I don’t really care right now.”

“I didn’t think you would.” He grinned. “Besides, we can talk shop tomorrow. We’re at a party right now, we should get back to our riveting conversation about all the things you hate about me.”

It started as a snort, and then a reluctant giggle. And then she covered her mouth with her hands and let out another snort, because she didn’t want to laugh. But he was just so blasé about it, and he was still standing there even though that was exactly what she was doing. She was drunkenly complaining about him while he was telling her that he fancied her. And it was funny. He didn’t even seem as though he were complaining about it. And so soon her snorting and giggling turned into an actual laugh and she had to grip his arm to keep herself upright.

It was a few moments before she was able to calm herself down, and she wiped a few small tears away from her eyes and shook her head, looking over at her. “See that counted as you making me laugh.” And he smirked, remembering what she’d told him in the pub last weekend. “And no, we don’t have to talk about that anymore. We can talk about something else.” She finished off her drink and looked around, setting her cup down. “Or maybe we could dance.” She shrugged, not feeling at all weird about the suggestion. It just seemed like what should come next in a way.

He obviously didn’t feel that way, because when she looked over at him, his eyebrows had almost disappeared into his hair.

“What’s the problem, cat got your tongue?” He shook his head and then he was smiling at her again, and it wasn’t so jarring this time.

“No. I’ve still got my tongue, just forgot how to use it for a moment.” He paused for a moment and then held out his hand. “Let’s dance then.” And she took his hand and let him lead her out onto the dance floor.  

oOoOoOo

There came a point in every night that Lily was drinking, where she lost all sense of personal boundaries. And that was usually any time after her fourth drink. Especially if those drinks were fairly strong drinks, which they were as apparently that how Sirius and Peter made their drinks.

“You know,” Lily said, seated (much) too close to James on a couch. The couch was in the backyard and in front of a bonfire. There were a few other couches around the firepit too, and quite a few people had moved out here though she hadn’t a thought in her mind about where her friends had gone off to. “You know,” She repeated. “I’m not entirely convinced that Peter is a real person.”

James laughed and leaned closer to her. She could see the specks of gold in his eyes again and she was smiling widely. “What do you mean he’s not a real person?” She didn’t know when she decided she wanted to spend the evening with him, but she couldn’t tear herself away now. She couldn’t stop laughing, and she knew that it was because they were both fairly drunk and so she wasn’t feeling like she had to be as reluctant or careful in the way she acted around him.

She was drunk, so she was just enjoying him.

“I mean you keep mentioning him but I’ve yet to see him!” She laughed, and he was still laughing. “And how long have I been here now? I’ve seen Sirius far more times than I’d care too, and Remus a few times, but I think Peter is imaginary.”

“He’s not imaginary.”

“I think he might be. I think he was your friend when you were like four and you just keep talking about him now and Sirius and Remus just go along with it and feed your delusion.”

“They are good friends, so they might go along with some shit like that.” He said, and she noticed that his arm was on the couch behind her. She wondered how long it had been there as she pulled her feet up onto the couch and got more comfortable. “But I promise that he’s around.”

“I’m not sure that I believe you,” She grinned, turning to look into the fire. “What time is it?”

“Hell if I know.” He shrugged, and she started laughing again though for the life of her, she didn’t know why.

oOoOoOo

And then it was impossibly later, and she was standing in a kitchen that was no longer crowded with James and his mates, and her mates had found her again and everyone was plastered so if anyone thought it was strange that she’d been with James all night, she couldn’t tell.

He’d made quite a show of introducing her to Peter after all her joking that he was imaginary, and the poor bloke didn’t understand why Lily couldn’t stop laughing at him. She had to hold onto James’ arm to stay on her feet yet again.

She was holding a glass of water now though, and she didn’t remember who had given it to her, but she knew that she hadn’t the foresight at the moment to remember to drink some water. Mary and Em were across from her and Mary was falling asleep on the other girl’s shoulder. Marlene was perched up on the counter, crouched over with her chin rested on her palm. Remus was sitting on the counter next to her, and Sirius was laying on the floor for some reason that Lily couldn’t remember, but every so often she would kick his foot to make sure he was still awake. And Peter, who hadn’t really warmed up to Lily yet, was standing in front of a bowl of mostly broken pretzels and picking through them.

She leaned against James, her head resting against her shoulder and sighed. She saw him shift his beer from one hand to the other and thought for a moment that he was going to put an arm around her, but he didn’t seem to share her lack of personal space while he was drunk.

“It is too late,” Emmeline said before letting out a colossal yawn. “Though you four do know how to put on a party.”

“You know,” Sirius said from the floor, “I think this is the first time that all four of us have made it to the end of a party.”

“I think you’re right,” Remus said, narrowing his brow as he tried to remember.

“Does you laying on the floor like that, count as making it?” Marlene asked, tiredly twirling a curl around her finger. She was always messing with her hair, but the simple action currently looked as though it was requiring a vast amount of effort.

“We’re all still conscious so it counts.” He nodded very slowly.

“You four are more than welcome to crash in the living room in you want.” Remus offered, and Lily felt James shift beside her. It was a tempting offer, because the thought of taking the tube home now seemed like it was too much work, but the thought of waking up on a floor or a couch instead of her bed was just terrible.

Emmeline had somehow become the girl’s leader of the night. If Lily wasn’t so drunk she would notice that Emmeline was fairly sober, and that was the reason she was the leader. “I think I’ll manage to corral them all back to Lily and Mary’s place.”

“You sure?” Peter asked, “The pull out is a lot more comfortable than you’d think.”

“Sure, but we’re not all going to fit.”

“I don’t think all of you need to fit,” Sirius said from the floor, and Lily didn’t remember kicking him but she felt his foot knock into hers.

“Sorry,” She muttered, not having realized that he’d been the one to kick her. He snorted in response and James shifted again.

“I think we should all get home,” Emmeline said, not leaving any room for debate. “Marlene, how are you fairing?” Lily’s eyes followed Emmeline’s to Marlene.

“I’ve had far less to drink than Lily and far more than you so…” She shrugged. “I’m not going to vomit, and I’m not drooling on your shoulder,”

“Nor are you answering my question.”

“You can trust me to be helpful.” She rolled her eyes. “And just because I decided to like you doesn’t mean that I can’t-“

“Great, hold Mary while I go and find all our stuff.”

“Did we bring stuff?” Lily asked, standing up right and taking a drink of her water, flinching slightly as she’d forgotten that she was drinking water.

“You’re currently barefoot,” Em smirked, “You did bring shoes, right?”

Lily realized how drunk she was then and started laughing again.

“Mary wasn’t kidding when she said you turned into a maniac, was she?” That only made Lily laugh more, and then she had to excuse herself to use the restroom.

When she came out, Em was trying to get Mary into her shoes and Marlene was acting as though she was going to help them clean up. “Don’t worry about it,” Remus was saying, and James was standing off to the side. She assumed Sirius was still on the floor.

She walked up to James and nudged her elbow against his. He looked over at her and then reached up to push his glasses up his nose. Another tick of his that she’d noticed. “So are you glad you came?” He asked and she snorted and rolled her eyes.

“No. Terrible party. Worst I’ve ever been to actually.” He looked down at his feet with a smile on his lips and laughed quietly. “Stop fishing for compliments. You’re terrible.”

“Maybe.” He shrugged. “But you’ve yet to give me a compliment so I’ve got to keep fishing.”

“Stop asking for them and maybe I’ll stop feeling like you’d be a massive prat if I ever said something nice.” He chuckled again.

“You know, some of these things just can’t be helped.”

“You being a massive prat being one of those things, yes?”

“Of course. I don’t really know any other way to act.” He smirked and she smiled back.

“I had fun tonight.”

“Even though you didn’t come to see me.”

“I didn’t,” She said sharply. “I came because you invited all my friends-“

“You didn’t really hang out with all your friends.”

“I did to.” She waved away his comment. “Just because I wasn’t able to get rid of you for most of the night doesn’t mean that I didn’t also hang out with them. We were all just hanging out in the kitchen.”

“I’m pretty sure that counts as being after the party ended though.” She shrugged, not having a response and not caring to argue.

“I was just trying to say that I had fun, you didn’t have to turn it into something,” She said, sticking him with a look.

“Right, I’m just proving that you really can’t say nice things to me, aren’t I?” She nodded, and he grinned a bit wider. She chuckled and then leaned forward to hug him. He seemed surprised at first, but it didn’t take more than a few seconds for him to wrap his arms around her in return.

“I had fun too,” He said.

“I know.” She grinned.

“Lily, come and get your shoes on please.” She heard Marlene call. She squeezed him a bit tighter and then let her arms loosen around him and she leaned back, her hands still resting on his shoulders.

“I forgot that I wasn’t wearing shoes again.” She grinned.

“You got rid of them a while ago.”

“I’m not much of a shoe wearer.”

And she didn’t hear what he said next because somehow her gaze had locked onto his lips for the briefest of moments before shifting back up to look him in the eye. And without any warning, she leaned over and kissed him. A chaste peck to the lips that just barely lasted two seconds, before she pulled back, still smiling at him, and let her hands fall to her sides.

“I’ll see you tomorrow.” She said and then turned toward the front door and walked off to get her shoes on.

If she hadn’t been drinking so much, she would have noticed the look of absolute shock that crashed over James’ face the moment her lips pulled away from his. If she hadn’t walked off so quick, he would have been able to gather his bearings in enough time to snake his arms around her waist and kiss her properly; something that he’d been wanting to do all night.

But it had only been a couple of seconds, and then she was gone.

oOoOoOo

They were on the train and halfway home when the reality of what she’d done hit her.

“Oh shit.” She muttered, suddenly sitting upright and pressing her lips together.

“I swear to god, Lily, if you puke on this train I’ll never forgive you.” Marlene said, eyeing her wearily.

“Oh shit.” She said again, shaking her head. “I kissed him. I kissed James Potter. “

[purplesurveys]

966

by skiassurveys

1. How has covid affected you? It robbed me of few months’ worth of memories in my last year in college, my graduation, travel plans, employment prospects, a 22nd birthday with friends. Fortunately, other than a mutual friend, I personally don’t know anyone who has gotten the virus.

2. What is a comfort show of yours? Friends, without a doubt. If I need a pick me up I just look up a scene on YouTube and I’m bound to feel better in seconds.

3. Are you open about your past or do you not let anyone in? I’m pretty open about my past as long as people ask the right questions that would make me want to open up that can of worms lol. But I’m very secretive about the present and if I’m currently going through something, I tend to be selfish when it comes to opening up. I don’t like being completely vulnerable, and I leave those last few bits of vulnerability to only myself. I can’t even open up on Tumblr in certain instances; it’s just how I am.

4. Favourite fast food joint? Yellow Cab.

5. Do you think we were put on this earth for a reason? I don’t. I don’t put a lot of thought into this, either. It’s just not something I particularly care about. 

6. What is something you have done this year you’re proud of? Finish my thesis. I used to think it was some colossal, nearly-impossible requirement and I never thought I was capable of creating my own. But I got through it and it was such an amazing feeling to see myself and Andrew wrap it up and write our acknowledgments at the very end.

7. Do u ever feel like surveys are usually the same questions? There are definitely questions that come up more often than others, but I’m never super bothered by them. I just try to answer them differently then move on.

8. What were you doing 10 years ago? I was 12, in sixth grade, friendless, suicidal, and was in the biggest mental health slump of my life thus far; so, not doing well.

9. Do you call out Karens when they’re harassing a cashier? I don’t call them out but when it’s my turn to be served, I make it a point to greet them and smile and give them the change, like I do with any cashier – except amplified this time around so they can feel better and not think that every customer is an asshole.

10. Animal crossing, yay or nay? Yay. I don’t play it but I’m certainly not gonna dampen people’s enjoyment by thumbing it down lol. It looks so cute and the challenges look wholesome; that game just can’t hurt anybody haha. But I guess it helps that my favorite characters to play on Mario Kart are Animal Crossing characters, so there’s that.

11. Why do you like to do surveys? It’s a safe space. And I’m very talkative in my head but not in real life, so surveys always serve as an outlet for my thoughts and feelings.

12. Did you ever have a MySpace? I did but I caught they very tail end of its popularity. By the time I joined people were already starting to flock to Facebook, so it wasn’t like I was ever able to do anything fun or worthwhile on Myspace. It was also never as popular in the Philippines too; we were into Friendster a lot more.

13. Do you think breaks are toxic in a relationship? I don’t think things like that work in absolutes. I’m sure breaks work for some, but for others they could also just create more distance and cause a couple to grow apart over time.

14. Do you have a YouTube channel? If no, would you create one? If yes what’s your content? I have one but it’s only so that I can support my favorite channels and subscribe to them, and so that YouTube can tailor my homepage to my interests. If I had to start posting videos, I’d prefer to take it easy and just post chill daily vlogs, nothing that tries too hard; and maybe take part in a taste test every once in a while because I enjoy watching those.

15. Are you a math person? Only up until advanced algebra or geometry. I’ll have to bow out if we have to get into trigonometry or calculus.

16. What’s the worse thing someone has said to you? I’ve been told I was a headache to deal with, heartless, unlovable, ungrateful, lacking a brain. All courtesy of my mom.

17. Have you ever befriended someone because you felt bad? Just once. In Grade 7 there was a new girl who was a bit of a loner, so Gab and I started talking to her so that she wouldn’t be alone during lunch. She didn’t really mix well with us and our dynamic though, so we slowly stopped hanging out with her. I felt bad, but I also didn’t want us to keep faking it with her because it would’ve been unfair to her – at least we tried. I was glad when she finally found her group, which didn’t take long.

18. Would you ever date someone online? I’m not open to it.

19. Have you been ghosted before? Would you ghost someone? I’m pretty sure what I did with Mike is the equivalent of ghosting...oops. I haven’t been ghosted.

20. When do you think things will be normal again? For a second this sounded really accurate about my life and I almost started crying :’’’’)))))) but now I realize you meant to ask about Covid lol. UHHH idk man. I remember back in March thinking this was gonna be over by April, and I had never been more wrong lmao. It’s so hard to tell.

21. Do you watch anime? No.

22. Biggest goal you wanna reach before 2020 is over? Be happy.

23. How old did/do you turn this year? 22.

24. Do you like tiktok? I don’t have the app downloaded but I’ll watch TikTok compilations on Facebook sometimes, and I’ve never had anything bad to say about them. I loooove the ones where people show what they do in their workplace like cleaning laptops, making ice cream cakes, doing pottery, etc., or showing projects that they’ve been working on like cleaning their swimming pool or renovating their bedroom. Those are the most satisfying to watch.

25. Do you ever miss vine? OMG yes. TikTok is entertaining, but the sense of humor that Vine birthed is on another fucking level. Only Vine could’ve made hurricane tortilla, a child, two bros chilling in a hot tub, and no head funny.

26. How are you doing, seriously? Today was one of the easier days. But I’m still hurting. It was just more manageable to breathe today.

27. Is there someone you want to talk to but you know you can’t? Yes.

28. Do you make jokes to cope with your problems? Sometimes, if I’ve already accepted the problem. It’s harder to make light of a situation that I’m still grappling with.

29. Have you ever had someone call you their best friend but you didn’t even consider them a close friend? I don’t think so.

30. Have you ever dealt with a pathological liar? Sure.

31. Long or short surveys? Medium-length to long.

32. If ur in school, are you doing it on zoom or in class? I’m not in school but I can definitely tell you that there aren’t any physical classes happening any time soon, at least in this country. It’s just not safe enough yet.

33. Would you ever have a pet rat? Nope.

34. Favourite memory with your best friend? I like laughing fits with Angela and spending hours at her house doing nothing. With Gabie, I always enjoy eating out with her.

35. Favourite type of content to watch on YouTube? I’ve mentioned them a lot on surveys recently, but it’s definitely Good Mythical Morning. I always turn to them when I’m going through depression so I’m really grateful that they have 1500+ episodes on their main channel and have a bunch of secondary channels with hundreds of videos in each as well. They have no idea how many lives they’ve saved. Other than that, I also like watching Korean reality shows, mukbangs that double as ASMR videos, soothing baking videos, and vlogs from local celebrities heheh.

36. Are you allergic to anything serious? No allergies for me.

37. Dream job? I don’t really have a dream title for now; I just want to eventually end up at the top of the ladder in my chosen career path which is PR.

38. Do you think dreams mean anything? No.

39. Fave clothing brand? Mango or Zara.

40. Do you miss anyone? Painfully.

[next-lvl]

Majority of my followers know what Wakfu is, but not all know about the game: how many wounds it left in my heart, and everyone else’s. This post isn’t gonna be precisely explaining the wrongs that Wakfu did, I just wanted to mention that, in aftermath, it was a disaster of a game that left its most loyal players hurt, disappointed and immensely sad. I still keep meeting people who love this franchise, but can’t stand the game anymore since it’s.. Changed too much and didn’t stay enjoyable, to say mildly. I’m surrounded by, literally, traumatized veterans who look back at the good old days and shed tears. And I’ve been talking a lot about GW2 recently, not for no reason.

I want you to heal, just like I did. I mean.. I’m still hurt over Wakfu and I’ll stay this way forever, but I found a game where you can feel safe, loved, cared about. Devs in GW2 are humans who talk to us, who put smileys and memes in their posts, who hang out on reddit and ingame. This’s one of the major and striking differences between Wakfu and GW2. I’m still genuinely stunned by my own experience with customer support, I had a few troubles during my 1.5 years in GW2 and the response was not only fast and effective, it was HUMAN AND CUTE. I’m still not over it. Now that I’ve been invited to be a creative partner.. I’m still not over it too. They shower their regular players and content creators in gentle attention and kindness. I cry. During the 5+ years of being the most active and visible artist in Wakfu fandom, literally promoting it with thousands of drawings, I’ve never got a tiniest bit of official recognition. Not even a single placement on official media. When I took part in contests, I never won. Overall it’s been a one-way street. During my first 1.5 years in GW2, I’ve been noticed, picked up by the team, pampered and spoiled to the point of barely believing it’s true. That’s my personal experience, but it should indicate Anet’s general attitude towards the players. They. Do. Care.

I just wanna try and convince more ex-Wakfu players to give GW2 a shot. The two games are different in the visual and core gameplay aspects, yes, transitioning from an isometric 2D turn-based to a 3D, real-time game was somewhat harsh, but boy, how glad I am that I did it.

There’s EVEN MORE TEXT, brace yourselves. :D In GW2, I found everything that I wish was in Wakfu.

GW2 is a true sandbox. You log in, you do whatever the fuck you want. Level your first (second, 12th, 33rd, 68th) char? Grind mobs and dungeons? NO. Run around, look for events, explore, literally everything you do and everywhere you go, gives xp. You can level via crafting! Which, btw, is relevant throughout the entire game, unlike in Wakfu.

You do have dungeons of two kinds, and you CAN farm them if you want, but it’s your deliberate decision. There ARE farms in GW2, but they’re fun, if you’re not trying to get a legendary weapon in a month. I personally like running around with a bunch of random people who are there to FARM events in a specific map, but that happens once every two months.

Said legendary weapons ARE hard to get and yes, they can get you burnt out in no time if you don’t have a concept of a “long term goal”. Leggies are a prestige item, and, just like other prestige items (auras, specific minis, skins, etc), they’re meant to be your ultimate show-off item. People see you and know that you’ve been through.. A lot. BUT. Your hard-earned prestige item is to stay prestige. I assume you know relics in Wakfu? Then you must know what happened to them after a few years.

There’s no devaluing in GW2. Your trophies stay relevant and rare. Your prizes, your exclusive titles, skins, etc stay exclusive. You aren’t losing half of your wealth just because the devs decided to revamp ALL GEAR FOR THE THIRD TIME.

Speaking of the gear, the orange set you get at 80, is endgame gear. GW2 is 5 years old, so that orange gear is. People crafted it on the release and.. It stayed endgame. Yes, there’s also pink gear, which ~5% better than orange and is only needed if you do high lvl fractals or are min-maxing in raids. If you’re casual or just starting, you don’t even have to think about it. But once you craft your set, it stays relevant forever. People’s effort is never shoved up their asses.

There’s no constant carrot-on-a-stick gear upgrades. Level cap is 80 since release and will stay so. The game promotes safety and stability, that’s what attracted me. You take a 2 years break? No problem, you log in and go play. Nothing has lost its value, you don’t feel inferior, you don’t need to catch up to play with your friends.

Which reminded me: there’s a wonderfully done level downscale system. You’re a lvl 80 in a lvl 16 zone? Your stats are auto-adapted so the enemies you fought as a noob are still dangerous, and your reward (xp/gold/materials) is adapted to your true lvl. You go and play anywhere you want, and get fair rewards.

Crafting materials of all levels are also demanded and relevant. Oh yeah, you can run around for hours just gathering wood/ore, familiar to Wakfu players? It’s nice and relaxing until you meet another player. Well, in GW2 all gathering nodes are NOT shared. You see a tree? It’s your tree. That dude who runs up to it won’t steal it from you.

Oh also there’s no kill steal! Which is big, imo. You’re encouraged to play together, to help people kill stuff, to contribute to any event you see around, since everyone gets rewarded equally.

Legendary stability of GW2 servers. Lemme just say: there’s no weekly maintenance. There is. No. Downtime. Even on the big update days, you can download and play pretty safely. If there’s a hotfix, the game KINDLY WARNS YOU that you need to update and you have TWO FLIPPING HOURS to do so. Before you did that, you still can play, finish whatever you were up to.

Everything revolves around player’s happiness and convenience. There are constant quality-of-life updates. Your bags are full of crap? Here, salvage it into materials with two clicks, then deposit into your bank with two clicks (from anywhere in the world), then compact the rest of your shit. Yeah, with two clicks. x’D

There’s wonderful Fashion Wars. The game offers so much customization, and it’s taken so seriously, that it’s one of the endgame aspects. There’s 30000+ achievement points to earn, which are mostly fun and make you go out of your usual way. Dailies? You get 10 points and 2 gold for doing 3 easy tasks that take ~15 minutes.

There’s LORE. There’s fun little interactions all over the world. You just did an event? Stay here and listen, probably npcs will say/do something and start another event, logically following the previous one. The world lives and breathes. You can just walk around and observe. You’ll learn so much. And of course, there’s always a good cause to laugh. Dialogues/reactions are just hilarious sometimes.

Regarding the lore: there’s a so-called personal story which accompanies you up to lvl 80, then there’s “living world”, smaller events and single maps being rolled out every once in a while - so far there’s 2 seasons available, and 1 being “historical”, not playable anymore. In that season, they fucking crushed the main capital city. It changed forever. It was an epic event, which I missed, but watched people’s videos later. Then season 2, then HoT, then season 3, and now we’re waiting for PoF, second expansion. The updates have picked a nice pace and are frequent now.

There’s just so much to do. Just go, dive into the world and drown forever. :3c And meet me on the bottom. x’DD

GW2 feels different from Wakfu, but I found similarities for myself. It’s a sandbox after all, and later endgame has a lot of strategy. GW2 is never tank-and-spank. You just, literally, can’t facetank shit here. You gotta use your skills wisely, time your dodges, play with traits/passives until it all flows together. You’ve got a HUGE BUILD FREEDOM. There’s 9 classes, each having at least 3 defined roles, with more variations. You don’t just go ranger (oh archer it’s like a cra rite??) and do pew pew from max distance. Well, yes, you have a bow and can pew pew.. Or you can be a melee fighter, you can be a full blown healer/support.. As a ranger, yes.

I’ll be wrapping up now, I swear. GW2 is true f2p. Which of course does have a few restrictions (can’t trade or use map-chat), but you can get to 80, gear up and explore to your heart’s content before you decide to pay. I personally played for 5 months, every day, before I bought HoT.

Why’d you buy an expansion? More story, more maps, new class traits, gliding in HoT and mounts in PoF. The expansion and living world content has been constantly improving, visually, mechanically and lore/writing-wise.

Other than that, there’s a gemstore offering cosmetic and convenience items (gems can be bought for cash OR ingame gold). There are infamous rng boxes, but none of those are p2w. GW2 is oriented at the western consumer, which means, yeah, they know that we hate p2w and they’ll never do that to us.

*breathes out* I had to get that off my chest. I wanna talk about GW2 forever, but it’s exhausting to do one-on-one. :P Hopefully someone’s still reading this!

Now lemme remind you that now I have those partner links, if you use this to create a new account and play for free (for an hour or two months? w/e), or this to buy an expansion, I’ll get paid a bit. Not much, but it definitely helps!

And I was gonna write this wall of text regardlessly of the partnership one day, now I just have more incentive. x’DD Plus, we’re gonna have a beta weekend on 11-13 august, where you can preview the second expansion for free! It’s a perfect timing to write this post and try convincing you. You’ll just need a f2p account, and you’ll be given a lvl 80 boost and whatnot for that beta weekend. I’m not sure yet, but I assume you WILL. Just please register using my link above, so that I get paid for the two hours I spent on this post. :D

[averyxadeline]

-UNDER CONSTRUCTION UNDER CONSTRUCTION

PLEASE BE KIND PLEASE BE KIND-

There is debris in the young girl’s eyes, or perhaps she is no longer a young girl. Its been a while. She wakes up with the sourness of sawdust in her mouth and enjoys her coffee with a touch of graininess. Her dreams alternate between a good one, and then a bad one, depending on what God’s feeling like tonight, but the sound of drilling is a constant. But amidst the rubble, there is a quiet contentment that sits upon the back of the bee-like busyness that reverberates across 4ams. The signboards have been up for a while now; she’s glad people haven’t noticed them in the forms of “I’m sorry I’m busy over the weekend!” or “I need to make a move first!”. They’re not bad things or times, she simply wishes to go home earlier to talk to the stars that night. She’s learned to celebrate them as an equal to the day and acknowledge that her working hours are also lovingly distributed into them. It’s been a while since writing hasn’t been a place of pain.

So I don’t quite know what I’m building in this aftermath.

I know it’s foundation, I barely have a blueprint but I know a little bit more about what love means. I know the firm foundation of the Maker’s love that’s consistently cradled my falls with its concrete. I know how things bruise and what scratches I need to hide with hung-up picture frames and I know the good faces, and the bad ones, that deserve a rightful place in them. I always tell people, in the aftermath of calamity, the most lasting mark is erasure, it’s whiteness is destructively felt as a returning eternity. It’s the most violent and yet deceivingly gratifying thing to do in the short-run, so I’m glad I chose to swallow all the pain at once and remember instead. One day I’ll tell my children that you don’t get to edit the past, you may thank it until you’re tired and then pat it on the back when it surfaces 2 months later. 20 years from now, when the dog wakes me up, I will get up and tell them over breakfast that I dreamt of You and I will thank You for being proof of their mother’s history that preceded them the way that they exceed me now. It’s a visual eternity that sits at the back of our heads until one day you forget the name of the bar you laughed with them at or the punchline of the joke that was always repeated in their presence. Snippets and snippets and snippets. Bricks and bricks and bricks. My old house got demolished and it taught me that homelessness will not predicate a poverty mindset forever unless you get accustomed to the dust in your nose. I’m also grateful that in this entire experience, I’ve not had to beg. I’ve been fed and nourished warmly by the soup of loving friends and family, some living in hermit-shells and others in mansions, but thankfully all in the same neighborhood. I would apologize for getting dust on your shoes but I know you’ll tell me not to and I’ll smile weakly and you’ll smile knowingly and pat me on the back. This pat, this lovely kiss of a gesture, has manifested in memes sent, photo booth pictures, long voice-messages with memory verses and making sure that I don’t have to visit museums alone. Please know that I’m grateful. But I’m terribly sorry for getting dust on y–

Okay, I’m inviting all of you in faith to a house that has not been built yet! Thank you for clapping when I laid out the foundation. I still stamp on it fortnightly not to test if it’ll falter, but because sometimes it’s nice to know that even if you haven’t got a roof yet, at least you’ve got the floor. I will build my life upon your love, it is a firm foundation. And I will put my trust in you alone and I will not be shaken. On every bad day that I’ve woken up to, I thank God for concrete and I take my shoes off in church. So at least the vertigo stopped. At least I get a good view of the stars which I wouldn’t appreciate if certain seasons didn’t require the ripping-off of roofs. One cloudy night when I was crying by the poolside, I felt God say, “My goodness is like the stars above; you know two things, that they’re there, and in an abundance that you can’t see or comprehend.” Ever since then, I’ve been counting stars, especially wherever I don’t see them. For that, I’m in no rush for a roof.

Morning comes and with new mercies, I really really lust for sunlight. Once, recently, I woke up from a dream so surreal that it happily merged itself with my real bedroom and it’s been hard for me to get up on the wrong side ever since. In it, I saw my own toes peek out from under the covers intertwined with someone else’s. Upon them, an enormous blast of orange sunlight flooded upon them so intensely that my toes felt heavier all morning. There was something about the sunlight banishing the mesh of our entire beings under the covers and summoning our ugly little toes to a begrudging new day. This is what I want. To wake up to orange sunlight and its illuminating game of footsie. I went to a museum with friends recently and for an interactive time capsule, they asked us to write down what we want for our futures. I don’t blame or condescend upon my friends for specifying the relationship, career or family they desired, we all have a picture of what that looks like and one day, I too intend to frame it up. But for now, I wrote, “Late mornings, photo frames, love, orange sunlight, ugly toes, and wide wide windows.”

If your windows are wide enough, you don’t quite need to worry about which door opens and which one closes. In this season of my life, kindness to oneself looks a lot like wide wide windows. I am constantly trying to welcome abundance; to crack a window when things get too much and remind myself that I still deserve to breathe even when the door is jammed. It also ensures that plenty of sunlight pours in to water the baby shoots that deserve new beginnings. In the confidence of its orangeness, any spirit of trepidation or fear dissipates with the new day. I made a vow to myself that I would water myself with the right things and voices. You cannot immediately recover from your own state of melancholy but it is more so your responsibility than anyone else’s to place yourself in environments that are conducive to healing. Indeed, recovery is a privilege but to embark on a journey towards healing is a choice. So on a daily basis, I choose to surround myself with people that provided safe and fragrant dwellings, I sieve through prophetic patternistic “maybes” that the world likes to impose upon us, and I look out for the voices of alternative hope that teach me how repetition can teach rather than enslave me. And above all, I choose to believe that love remains a selfless entity that is strengthened in me through the departure of loved objects that have found their own existences apart from me. Only in the abundance of sunlight do I have the strength to declare, “Amo: Volo ut sis! I love you so I want you to be!“, I want you to experience a beautiful day without it having to be my beautiful day! Please continue, I do not need to own your desire, don’t worry about me, I will survive, please enjoy. It is only in the dark that we grapple and grasp and attempt to possess because we do not have the dexterity to wait for the new morning that has never failed us before. So enjoy your morning, but sometimes I miss your toes.

The drilling is getting a bit louder, especially between the hours of 4-6am. Please excuse me while I quietly attempt to build a civilization without a blueprint. The dog has woken and the new dawn shall break soon. I’m running out of words, the bricks are getting few and there’s some dust in my eyes. Perhaps I fear my own solitude against the orangeness that should invade us in about an hour. But for all that’s been said, if you’re reading this, thank you for sorting through my rubble of words with me. It’s been a while since I’ve dared to come back here but I’ve decided against homelessness. Thank you for the pat on the back and the housewarming. Thank you for teaching me that I do not need to be completed to be congratulated.

I don’t know how long this construction will last, maybe forever, but thank God for wide windows and thank you for your kindness.

Under Construction Please Be Kind -UNDER CONSTRUCTION UNDER CONSTRUCTION PLEASE BE KIND PLEASE BE KIND- There is debris in the young girl's eyes, or perhaps she is no longer a young girl.

[murasaki-murasame]

I might not have gotten my pipe dream wishes granted, but the Dragalia Digest was still a very pleasant surprise overall, and I have a lot of thoughts on it now, lol

TL;DR: *Joe and Xania voice* mom said it’s our time to be meta flame units :)

I still want a Switch port for this game eventually, but I can’t complain about not getting one when basically everything else about the Digest was good, lol.

It ended up feeling a bit more . . . conservative with some of the announcements they made, but that might be for the best since the game’s in a bit of a precarious state. So playing it safe is probably a good idea.

I was a bit worried that they might announce more aggressive monetization schemes, but the New Years packs and stuff seem pretty much in line with how these things have been done up till now, and basically nothing else about the shop has been changed aside from the UI stuff.

The Agito fights and the 6-star weapons were my biggest concern going into this since it could make or break people’s patience with the game, but it seems on paper like it hits a good middle ground. The requirements to access the Agito fights seem relatively low, and the 6-star weapons seem to be be around the level of a HDT1, so I think that hits a good balance of being strong but not powercreep-y in a way that puts off people who’ve been grinding for HDT2 weapons. The fact that they announced in advance that higher difficulties for the Agito fights and higher tiers of the 6-star weapons will be added later makes me think that they’re trying to roll out this stuff much more slowly than the HDT stuff in order to control the powercreep more and not overwhelm people, which is a good idea. I imagine that Expert or Master Agito fights will probably expect you to have something like a HDT2 weapon, but by the time those fights get released it probably won’t be a big deal.

The Mana Spiral upgrades also seem way more potent than I was expecting, across the board. I can’t access the main website at the moment so I don’t have a full picture of what the buffs are like, but from what I’ve been reading they all sound like pretty huge buffs that will go a long way toward making more units more meta, or at least more accepted, in end-game content.

For one thing, the Mana Spirals are gonna let us level up a unit to level 100, which is a nice surprise. It seems like that alone gives units a pretty big upgrade to their HP and strength, which should make it way easier to meet certain thresholds.

It also looks like basically every single skill and ability of each unit is getting a new upgrade level, which is way more than I was expecting. I figured that only the second skill and one of the abilities of each unit would get an upgrade, but this is a way bigger buff than I thought. They even buffed stuff like skill prep/status resistance 100% abilities by adding new effects to them, which is great.

It looks like Ezelith and Naveed are going to be way stronger in general across the board, which I appreciate, but I’m more hyped for the 3-star Mana Spiral upgrades, since those seem like a really big deal. It sounds like basically every flame unit that got a Mana Spiral upgrade here can now inflict burn with basically any attacking skills they have, which seems like a really big deal. If Mikoto in particular can get an upgrade like that later, I have a feeling that Rena might fall out of favour in HMS due to there being way more options for burn enablers who don’t have to worry as much about stuff like getting stunned. In general the idea of Xania being able to inflict burn with both of her skills is kinda crazy, lol. It makes me relieved that I went ahead and got her to 50MC a while ago. I think she might actually be better than S-Maribelle with these upgrades [until she gets buffed too], but I really want to get more info on how her kit changes with these buffs. Sadly Marty doesn’t seem to be getting buffed yet since he wasn’t a launch unit, but hopefully everyone will get Mana Spirals in the long run.

It’s also exciting that they’re giving these upgrades to random 4-star units as well. It gives me hope that Thaniel will get buffed later on so that he’s closer to if not better than Jiang Ziya.

They also decided to give Botan and Cassandra buffs in this initial batch which is kinda funny to me. Botan at least makes sense since the event with her is getting rerun really soon so it’s a good time to buff her, but Cassandra getting buffed right out the door is so obviously them going ‘we’re sorry about the whole Gleo thing’, lol. They also apparently nerfed HJP in a way that makes bleed and poison way better against him, and I think they added poison to Cassandra’s kit, so it really feels like they’re trying to address the issues with HJP. Which I appreciate. And I think that this is probably the best way to handle it, since this makes it way more viable to have different types of team comps there than just four Gleos.

It’ll be interesting to see if we start getting characters soon who have their Mana Spiral upgrades built into their kits right away, while older units get theirs slowly patched in. I guess we’ll see what happens with the new zodiac units.

And on that note we’ve got at least some info about the new zodiac event/banner, and it all looks pretty neat. I was wondering how they’re gonna handle it, but it looks like they’re gonna do a really short rerun of the Ieyasu event to bridge Christmas and New Years before getting into a new raid event for the new zodiac units. Which seems like a pretty great way to handle it. I wouldn’t be too surprised if they do this every year from now on, especially if each new zodiac event story builds upon the stuff from the Ieyasu event story.

On top of it just being a relief that this isn’t JUST gonna be rerun central yet again, I’m really happy that the new units are gonna be [mostly] light-element, lol. That was my main wish for them, honestly. My light roster just feels really weak so I want more good ones, but I don’t want to bother chasing after DY-Malora. It’s kinda surprising that it looks like the main 5-star banner unit is gonna be a 5-star light dagger, while the 4-stars are a blade and a wand. I guess this makes it a bit less likely that Gala Luca will be a light dagger, so maybe he’ll be a light blade or something instead. With how . . . iffy daggers are as a weapon type, the new main 5-star unit doesn’t really seem like they interest me much, and Nobunaga being a 5-star flame blade is kinda annoying and unoriginal in general, but I’ll probably still summon on the banner. Hanabusa and Chitose at least look neat. One of them will probably be the welfare unit, but I hope that the introduction of Mana Spiral upgrades means that event welfare units won’t be held back by bad kits anymore. Botan’s getting some pretty big upgrades, so I hope the new welfare unit follows suit.

I was gonna complain a bit about this banner mostly being female characters, but the more I think about it the more I could see either Chitose or Mitsuhide being a boy, so I’m gonna just wait and see how it goes, lol.

It looks like the banner during the Ieyasu rerun is gonna just be a rate-up banner for the units getting Mana Spiral upgrades, and the new zodiac banner seems to have two 5-star adventurers on it [plus the dragon], so it’s looking like they might not be bringing Ieyasu back. Or if they do he might just not be on rate-up like what happens with gala units. Which would suck since I still want to get him, but it’s not a huge deal if I miss out on them. I’m still hoping that they might eventually add zodiac units into the permanent pool so that we don’t miss out on them permanently, but that’s a bit of a pipe dream.

The ‘prize showcase’ stuff seems . . . interesting, but I probably still won’t do more than just the free daily tenfolds for the next banner. I don’t want to be tempted right before the NY banner, especially since I already have all of the units getting Mana Spiral upgrades, so it’s a pretty useless banner for me.

I also just wanna point out that Ebisu is an EXTREMELY good cat dragon and I love him :)

It’s not a big surprise to me that we’re getting a platinum summon for the NY banner, but it’s interesting to me that you’ll be able to do the adventurer and dragon platinum banners three times each. I guess it’s their way of getting a bit more profit out of people, but it’s something I can deal with. It’s still a relatively low limit on how much diamantum you can spend on it, and it looks like there’s only gonna be three 5-star units to worry about, if you include the dragon, so you might not even need to summon three times on each one to get what you want.

To be completely honest I’m not a F2P player, but I doubt I’d do more than like one of the adventurer platinum summons. Mostly because the new 5-stars just don’t interest me a whole lot, from what we’ve seen of them. I’ll at least use my regular summoning resources first and see what I get. With the resources I’ll have stocked up by the time the event starts, I should be able to do over 200 summons on it right away, so hopefully that’ll get me what I want. Then I’ll start saving for the next gala.

Oh yeah and they also officially announced the Monster Hunter collab, to the surprise of absolutely nobody, lmao. I’m not into that series so I don’t really have anything to say about it, but I’m glad that lots of people seem excited about it. It seems a bit boring that we might only be getting a free dragon out of it, but oh well.

Anyway I’m pretty happy with everything they showed. All of the stuff with the new bosses, weapons, adventurer buffs, etc etc, really seem like they’re going to go a long way toward making the endgame less punishing, and team comps more varied. It looks like they’re addressing a lot of the main issues people have had, so I’m glad they seem to be handling it well.

[redlemonz]

Day #29

Here we go again. Nothingness, as apparent through my outer appearance, but served with a side of slower, longer breaths. The clouds in my mind are heavy and ready to burst again, as I clasp onto the temples of my skull in an attempt to contain myself. Internally and externally freezing at this point too, and all I wish to do to resolve it is cuddle her as she'd lay beside me in in this bed, or even just tell myself that the possibility still exists. But it doesn't, and so the sharpness of this chill spreads and splinters my heart. The piercing nature of being reminded on yet another new day where I stand is numbing to my soul, yet also creates a small ball of rage within me that's target is it's own self. I'm still a mess, but at least I'm a somewhat disciplined mess now, even if it means living each day as a robot. I haven't even shaved since just before the end, and visiting her for our wonderful weekend (+sick day monday), and am on the road to probably looking like a lumberjack. The only tree I'm in the process of cutting down with this axe however is my own source of life, being slowly chipped away at with this sharp metal. She'd probably like me more if I literally was timber though. Jokes aside (well, hopefully that one's a joke), I've got a new phrase to quote from her that I can repetitively punish myself with. "I don't know" - when those words arise, and are not in the context of any conversation we're having at the time, likely pertains to her evaluative thought process on whether we actually can be simply friends and refrain from crossing the imaginary line between us. It could also mean she's questioning herself out loud to whether she's made the right decision by ending us, although I'll admit that's just an extremely and unrealistic optimistic view upon my part - because I'm certain by now that she has no doubts in regards to that decision. She's provided me with enough clarity in regards to the blunt and brutal honesty, to wedge that nail into my heart and head. Nevertheless, as much as it crushed me to respond in some way or manner to that, I simply told her to stick by her beliefs and principles, as she's the smarter one between us two and always has been. I don't want to influence her because I have no right to, and because I've already dragged her down enough and contributed greatly towards making her betray who she is, through my own selfish and regrettable acts. It pained me to essentially state that she's better off without me, and should do whatever she has to for her own wellbeing, but I do love her and have always genuinely just wanted the best for her, and that's the truest underlying intention upon which I wanted to build our relationship. Even if it means that I'm alone, on the other side of this bridge away from her, as she freely disappears away into the tunnel of her own individual future. I hope that this recurring sacrificial theme doesn't falsely come across as emphasising some sort of heroic tragedy, because I can assure you that this isn't a damn fantasy that I exist within, and is in fact an on-going and inevitable penance for the consequences of my deeds. Day 29 - "what ifs" are pointless Another uneventful day of work, with the exception of the other two of the three asking me how things are with her, just to give me shit - as friends do. Of course they know the situation for the most part already, but I figure that laughing along and keeping my mask of security attached is the best thing I can do otherwise I'll lose my only remaining minor safe haven of distraction. I stress a great weight on the word 'minor' in that regard, as I just spent a few moments of time after the lunch break returning to my personal sickroom to alleviate some anxiety. I've been sitting here wondering whether things could've been any different if she was still in the same town. I remember that her parents were leaving for a five week holiday in which I was excited to spend a bunch more time at her place with her (or I'd assume so anyway because I'd likely invite myself over all the time). Damn, that would've been a dream of a time too. Of course she would be the one who's capable and genius enough to apply, interview and attain a job in a different town, all on the same day. Because she's just that naturally talented, and I'm glad she's being recognised for It. Ever since then, even though as I mentioned that I tried to support her as much as I could (and ultimately failed miserably and selfishly), I was afraid of losing her and consequently us drifting apart because of what common long-distance relationships are perceived to be like. It's due to that self-reasoning that my insecurities spiked to an all time high, and I got even more attached and emotionally vulnerable to the point where I would react and fight with her uncontrollably at an unnecessarily level. I felt as though I had to try extra hard and make much more effort than usual, (which you can witness that I clearly brought upon myself) and it's certainly true to a degree for obvious reasons revolving around the physical distance we're apart from each other, but I took that, and my overall insecurities way too overboard when trying to hold onto us. Everything was just happening so quickly that I never really adjusted properly to the new idea of what life would be like, and didn't bother to appropriately take a breath, step back and realise the leap she was taking on her own, rather than focusing on us and how it would affect me. It's too late for me to make any further excuses though, and figure how I could've approached the situation so much more differently and supportively, as opposed to how it would benefit my own greedy agenda. I was holding her back from embracing her new life in a new town, rather than holding her hand by her side through it. It doesn't matter what would've happened if she had stayed here, because she didn't - and that's not how life works. I failed to adjust to the alterations and got needier for recognition in her life as a result, because I felt much more easily disposable in the greater physical distance we had between us now, but also because the opportunities for recognition were more limited than usual. As you can tell, my greatest flaw lay in over-thinking and assuming largely ahead about how negatively things would potentially play out and fall apart, which consequently ruined our present day and brought forward that very same despised fate which I initially created in my head. Anyway, I've returned to torment myself by uselessly piling up all my obvious mistakes and regrets and hating myself for it all, and wishing I could relive it. I guess it's still a learning experience at the end of the day, even if it is sadly and unfortunately far too overdue. So I broke down on the drive along to the gym this evening, and I'm not sure why (though forcing yourself towards going to the gym can sometimes be sufficient reason on its own). It came out of nowhere, and I wasn't even thinking about anything specific in particular. Though I suppose I'm constantly thinking about her in general anyway which may is likely an adequate formula. I did have some unforeseen rage build up inside me before I departed home too. Maybe the afterthoughts, subsequent blame and self-loathing may have slightly subconsciously triggered the watery eyes. Nevertheless I fed the wolf some iron, as my friend The Colonel would say, so mission accomplished there once I got past all the hellish reflective gym anxiety that's always fun. Thinking about how I'm occupying myself well for the upcoming days with overtime work late on Thursday, and on Saturday, and then watching some word famous fight on Sunday at one of three's place (the dude lives down the road basically) that everybody in the drowning mainstream is going mental about. Sad to admit but even though it's been a while now, I don't even really miss my friends anymore either, because I've got a lack of belonging there now - I'm the lone wolf in every sense who simply doesn't fit in, or can't anymore. Most of the time I can't help but feel so negatively judged by a few of the closer ones - justifiably so, given the dirtbag I clearly am, but it's still painful nonetheless. I've accepted that they're better off without me holding them back too. What I am slightly afraid of is the changing, lonely dynamic that will be brought to this empty house when my family leaves for a holiday in a week from now. They're not away for long at all - about ten days or so, but in spite of that the impact will still be felt considering that they do generally contribute a more favourable role in my current daily battle with insanity with their presence. That should definitely be interesting and fun to analyse whether hell consumes me further or not. I'll live - hopefully anyway (just kidding.. haha?) If only she could come visit for that weekend. Everything would be better. She actually snapped me some more cute and crazy singalong videos of herself to shitty symphonies on the radio today. We had some general message exchanges in the late evening too which were nice. I'm actually learning that I'm appreciating speaking to her so much more no matter what we say or discuss, or a lack thereof, because of my absence of wasted time conversing with others outside of my bubble with general small talk. She designed, drew, constructed and ultimately transformed my empty model of a face into one with a lasting smile, and successfully accomplished in bringing about my contentment tonight - without endeavouring to do so. She's quite the architect, after all.

[bigcitybiggerdreams]

Cruising.

I remember when I was in middle school and my fellow classmates were talking about cruising and how much fun it was. As an avid Titanic fan, I would always swear that you will never get me on a cruise ship, and I was content with my current mode of travel: fly then hotel. Boy, I did not know what I was missing. 

It was after my freshman year of high school when my parents went to their annual travel agency visit to plan a vacation and came back to broach the idea of a cruise to me. I remember being extremely against it at first, but then I started to ease up after reading through the brightly colored pamphlets and yummy food. I was still nervous about the idea, but so were my parents. Seasickness scared everyone, and they didn't know what it would be like, but it looked so much fun that we had to give it a try.

My family didn't want to just go on any ship; they wanted to make sure it was a great one and we would enjoy our first experience. Funny enough, we chose Royal Caribbean’s Oasis of the Seas as our first cruise. At the time, it was the largest cruise ship in the world. 

We all really enjoyed the ship and it was definitely one of our favorite vacations. We saw so many new places all in one trip, and didn’t have to worry about traveling or eating. The ship brought us there and there was endless food.

After that, the cruising fever set in and we went on a bunch more in the following years. 

We also embarked on the Norwegian Epic, Norwegian Sky, and the Norwegian Breakaway twice. All fabulous vacations. 

All in all, I basically have experienced both Norwegian and Royal Caribbean Cruise Lines. We’ve considered Carnival and Celebrity, but we felt more comfortable sticking with what we knew. I’m personally not a Carnival person, but I have many friends who are and there is nothing wrong with sailing with them, it’s just a matter of preference. It’s good to read up on the different lines and sail with them until you’ve found your groove. 

I personally like both NCL and RC and don’t really prefer one over the other, but I do have tips and info for both in case you were interested in sailing!

*Again, this is advice from experience with NCL and RC. Other lines may differ.

-For the NCL Breakaway, we got to pick 3 out of 4 options: ultimate beverage package, specialty dining, discounted excursions, and internet. We chose everything except for internet. This was really great and an option if you’ve sailed with Norwegian a few times! 

-The internet is not really worth it and I don’t recommend choosing it as part of your package. It’s very spotty over seas, and many times when you get to port, you can find free wifi somewhere. 

-Cruise rooms are very small, so pack smart. You can fit luggage in the closet and under the bed, however, and there is tons of storage, just not a lot of room for walking around. 

-I really recommend choosing a room with a balcony. It’s just worth it.

-Don’t feel like you NEED to eat at a specialty restaurant. They cost extra, and while the food is amazing, so is the complimentary food you get with your package. Don’t feel like your missing out. If you want a treat, I would recommend it for a night, but it can get pricey. 

-Engage in some of the daily activities when out to sea, and don’t just sit around all day at the pool. They’re actually really fun! My family never did them until our last few cruises and we missed out! On my last cruise, we won the trivia and got so many prizes, including TWO bottles of champagne. 

-NCL does tend to have an issue with an overcrowding pool area. Especially on sea days, everyone flocks to the pool and it’s basically impossible to get a chair or spot by the water. I didn’t really notice this on the Oasis since it was so big and had many pools. Don’t let this ruin your trip however! There’s lots to do! NCL is really awesome about keeping the kiddos out of the adult section, and Spice H2O is a great place, and doesn’t crowd too much.

-Again, Spice H2O. If you are over 18, you definitely need to go up there. It’s usually on the top deck (Deck 16 NCL Breakaway) of the Norwegian ships. It’s a HAVEN. No children running around and very quiet. There’s a bar and a bunch of hot tubs. The Breakaway had a mini pool with a bunch of seats in it and a waterfall. There’s also plenty of seats up there and there is usually a lot of room.

-Don’t bring too many fancy outfits, bring mostly casual. The only time you really need to dress up is for dinner and shows. Don’t try to overdress for the shore excursions. No one cares what you’re wearing and it’s mostly tours and the beach. UNLESS you’re on a European cruise or a few other exceptions where you’re visiting certain museums and big places, you can wear a T-shirt and shorts most of the time. 

-Don’t skimp on the excursions. They’re really fun and worth the money! Honestly, you can probably pick the cheapest one and still have a fun time, just make sure you try to do one. Many times, all the attractions on the islands are far from the ship port, so having a tour guide really helps. I’ve found that the people who don’t do tours on these islands tend to be bored at port and not have a good time. Islands like Bermuda are an exception though. While there’s plenty to see all around Bermuda, the Royal Naval Dockyard is awesome and has a lot to do! 

-If you’re a teen, don’t feel pressured to make friends or do the teen events. I personally like to spend time with my family when I go on vacation. It’s a great bonding experience, and we always have fun together. I’ll look at these memories one day and be so glad I have them. I never really sought out the teen life or other people while traveling, especially now that I’m in college and barely home and don’t see my parents much. If you want to make friends and do the teen events, then by all means do it and don’t be afraid! It’s a great thing to do and maybe give your family a break, but don’t feel like you need to. 

-Most importantly, BE RESPECTFUL to the crew. Yes, you’re on vacation and it is their job to serve you, but they are NOT your slave. I can recall countless times I’ve seen guests be rude and nasty to the crew onboard. It’s unnecessary and they are doing the best they can. They are all hard working people and deserve your respect. Thank them when you see them on board and don't freak out if they don’t bring you a towel in five seconds. 

-Also, don’t let fear of seasickness or one bad illness affect you! There’s so many medications and treatments out there that can help you and they really work. I personally use Bonine. You can get it over the counter at a pharmacy.

I really love cruising and I think it’s one of the best ways to travel. It’s completely safe and affordable if you plan accordingly. There’s so many options and you can go pretty much anywhere in the world.

If you have any more questions about cruising or the destinations I’ve been to, please don’t be afraid to ask! I’d be happy to help and give you advice for the best vacation ever :)