#I’ll be around during evenings
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I’m so glad Vel’s with Nora. Poor baby going thru so much…I feel like the wisdom and company of a gentle bun will do her a lot of good in their Vacuo arc. It’s like how Weiss is so sensitive to people and gives amazing insights. Velvet is that too in her own unique ways.
#fooze#rwby#rwby fanart#velvet scarlatina#rwby velvet#nora valkyrie#rwby Nora#rwby neon#neon katt#rwby coco#coco adel#y’all dig the new whiskers? that was Ethan’s doing. everyone say thank you to him#I might add onto it one day. the two out patrolling in the evening having a talk#or maybe just hanging around a bonfire and saying nothing#just the quiet comfort being shared by two souls during a rare moment of peace#hm. might be more the route I’ll go. wordless#also neon gay as fuck
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I’m so obsessed with the idea of the ADA and the PM having beef, but only on the clock. On weekends they’re fine, they’ll give a subtle nod in recognition or maybe the younger members will engage in casual conversation, but Monday morning at 8 am? The black lizard is pulling up out front baby you already know
#every time the hc floats around on the dash I eat it up each time#it’s even funnier when I think abt skk or sskk dating during this period#aku will say smth like ‘yeah I’ll see you Wednesday morning’ and atsushi is like ‘as a date? a threat?’#bsd#bungo stray dogs
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I don’t bother discussing or defending the cabin years because I simply do not believe they justify any of Nesta’s treatment. Even if I went as far as to call Nesta abusive, I don’t know why I’m supposed to care about stuff that barely happens on page seeing as Feyre, Rhys, and Cassian are all far more abusive to her than she ever is during the actual events of the story.
#what is done to her was 10x worse than anything she ever did#i’ll die on that hill idgaf#anti feyre#anti rhysand#anti cassian#nesta archeron deserves better#acotar#feyre got her back real good!#like i see y’all and the discussions around household chores or whatever#i simply do not think it matters#oh no feyre hunted for five years#now she gets to control her sister for eternity#and i’m supposed to care…? about stuff that doesn’t even happen during the books?
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19.11.23, sunday
I listened to Succession soundtrack a lot today and had about the most productive day I’ve had in so so long
things done today:
7h of coding
went to my sister’s kid’s birthday party (mario theme 🍄)
#even tho during the first 4 hours it was me slowly realizing that I had configured/set up my one project wrong somehow#and I’m so far gone with it now that idk how to rly fix it other than starting again and trying to speedrun all I’ve done so far#aka the 50hours I’ve spent on it#but i’m hoping I’ll get it to function by just fucking around with adding some files & paths manually (i doubt that’ll work)#that’s a big yikes that I would not have time for#but I’ve done enough to get a grade out of that course but rn it’d be 3/5 and I want 5/5 bc it’s an easy course to get that from#and god knows I need to do everything in my power to raise my gpa#studyblr#bookblr#booklr#aesthetic#books#study#reading#read#book#dark academia#chaotic academia#november 2023#2023
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accidentally revealed my relationship status to one of my boyfriend’s super fans and i felt myself do the thing that i’ve been seeing him and his friends do when talking to fans and it was bizarre. i did the Talking To A Fan mode. the guy was geekin out and was like “i’m a member of his official fan club. i feel like i know him, i read everything he puts out like all i wanna do is just grab a beer with him and get to really talk. i can’t wait to tell my wife about this, oh man this is crazy”
#he was shaking while showing me pics of him meeting my bf at a convention#ive just been in a very ‘I’m proud to be with him and know him and i’m grateful for him to be in my life’ mood#balance between that and who should know but also that doesn’t even really matter because we’re public both industry facing and fan facing#but this time#it was because i was filling in a man who stepped in as a surrogate father during my breakup about how my new york trip went#and about how i came home no longer single#and maybeee i’ll be a bit more selective in the future with other people around#because that was crazy. that was the craziest one yet
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Hey!! So turns out a video I made between a certain “well beloved but highly sensitive/emotionally reactive T.V” and an “orange haired inkling-turned-human” has managed to sweep my YouTube channel and accumulate 100k VIEWS!! THAT’S A LOT OF PEOPLE ACTUALLY?? My most widely viewed video EVER to exist in this moment in time?? AAAAA?? Not even mentioning the various comments and staggering increase in subs! It’s so much more then what I expected or even prepared for—might even be the most impactful thing to happen for me this year <3
…aside from graduating high school + the social connections I’ve been fortunate to make lol
BUT THE POINT IS I’d been closely monitoring the YouTube growth through the entirety of October. It’s make me smile like a dork, gawk in astonishment, dance frantically in my room from the energy boosts, and grow courage to stop being so selective/self-conscious with what I wish to share with the world! It’s kept my ambitions going!
I needed to find some way to celebrate the occasion and express my thanks—because I can’t NOT acknowledge this milestone jksjskp. Typically I try to avoid getting tunnel visioned focusing on the metrics/numbers. Mr. Puzzles had already demonstrated how much those things can mess with the minds of creatives. Caring too much about chasing views or placing your artistic value in attention seeking gets damaging. But at same time…it’s hard to deny the sense of pride the 100k achievement has filled me with. I understand that reaching 100k views doesn’t immediately make me any “better” or “worse” then I was before. I’m still just me! It only helps me feel seen by others—and that’s all I really needed. To hear some nice words & receive reminders that my ideas are cared about. So thank you SMG4 fandom for that, seriously thank you.
Please accept this Mr. Puzzle drawing as a way of sharing the happiness around. He’s so entertaining. Love him for simply existing. So glad we can all collectively be super attached to him (and the rest of the SMG4 cast of course). Can’t wait to see more incredible artworks from the fandom :)
Just incase anyone is confused by my vague description over which “animated video” I’m referring to here—hopefully this photo will help clarify lol. It’s this one!! Sorry about not outright stating the title at the start, I got carried away with writing!!
I’ve been in an odd place mentally when thinking about it. Wondering to myself if any of the attention is deserved considering it’s not even fully colored and could be dismissed as “low effort” content (despite taking several days making it). It’s easy to get into a trap of comparing yourself to others and questioning how much of the videos success is based on your skills, sheer algorithm luck, or only because you used popular characters and catered to a specific fandom. And then judging yourself by looking at other peoples videos. I’ve seen several artists post higher quality works then my own but it somehow gets less views. So why did mine succeed when others (who should have gotten just as much attention if not more) didn’t? Sometimes you feel like you’ve unfairly robbed them of that chance to be seen. However I’ve realized that I can’t ever expect views to be consistent—and comparing is pointless. So why worry about it or feel inadequate? I mean it’s pretty common for funny cat videos to go viral, so who am I to question the system lol. “Popular” YouTube videos can range from a passion project which took 7+ artists…to a clip of Toad singing Chandelier or a nonsensical Vine sketch. Anything can happen when it’s the internet! And just-so-happened my video was chosen. I should stay glad about that and get rid of all the overanalyzing. So that’s what I’ve chosen to do :)
#OKAY SO SO SO actually started doodling this once the video was around 98k this morning#it wasn’t even meant to be art specifically designed to celebrate the milestone at first#I just wanted to draw the funky fella who makes me laugh#but as you can see that changed up fast jksjksp#I was under the impression that my video wouldn’t reach near 100k until December UH?? WHAT HAPPENED MY PREDICTION THWARTED??#seems I’ve severally underestimated how long the traction would continue for geez wow uh#people sure do enjoy comedy gotta love ‘em laughs and giggles#I CAN’T BELIEVE WE REACHED IT THO. THAT’S INSANE TO ME—ALL THE SUPPORT AND COMMENTS AND SUBS#thank you SMG4 fandom I would’ve never fathomed the algorithm to carry it so far like this#you wanna know the real kicker?#things would have gone so differently for the channel if I didn’t wrestle with my anxiety & post there#because there was a point during that day where I fullheartedly figured it would cause me to loose subs#I was kinda terrified ngl#this goes to show that you should never hold yourself back from sharing different aspects of your interests#you don’t need to confine yourself to just one thing#or to strive only to make the most high quality videos ever (I put that pressure on myself a bit too much nowadays)#sometimes it’s the simple ideas that manage to charm people#and those who see the effort will stick around to support you. You just need to trust yourself during the process and take that chance :)#EWWWW MUSHY GUSHY SENTIMENTALITY CLOGGING UP THE ATTENTION HERE#whatever happened to keeping the focus on ✨the star✨ who made it all possible to begin with huuuu??#show a bit more gratitude to the charming TV who boosted the viewership in the first place…don’t be so self absorbed with morals lonesome 😒#what is this some sort of My Little Pony episode oh pleaseeeeee 🙄#<- all of that was a simulation of Puzzles interjecting and nagging a bit lol. I’d imagine he’s tried of my nonstop nonsense#….yea the Puzzle brainrot is reaching maximum severities. So there’s high chance I’ll be animating him more down the line :3#stick around to find out!!#hplonesome art
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i think im reverting back to klance,, its been a while. it feels like home.
#personal#my interests arent like all at once#or one after another after another#but rather#‘ooohhh merthur’ for 10 months -> ‘aww klance’ for 7 months -> ‘percabeth my darlings’ for 4 months -> ‘ooohhh merthur’-#+ other fandoms but this is just off the dome#repeat#its a cycle#a long one#during the transition period which lasts like a month#i do flipflop between them and even old interests that i dont care much for#like descendants and miraculous ladybug and mcu#that gets sprinkled into the mess that is the month of change#and then i’ll settle into the new fandom and remain there until my brain decides to switch it up again#it looks like we’re going klance this time around
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find a blorbo (nhl tag game)
RULES: Go through the roster of each NHL team and find at least one player that you can root for.
tagged by @bondedpairs!! when i say too many teams to count and here for the narrative um. i may not have lied. this is not an extensive list of my blorbos but in order to make it not ten thousand years long i made up the rule that i had to do it straight from memory :)
anaheim ducks: as evidenced by recent events i DO like mason mctavish and trevor zegras but i have to honor laura and mention troy terry and beloved goalie gibbie*
boston bruins: oh for sure brad marchand… can i say patrice? one of the charlies got traded but i think mcavoy is still there because gryz is gone, brandon carlo is there still i think
buffalo sabres: cozens & thompson, owen power, rasmus dahlin, ukko pekka luukkonen
calgary flames: is chris tanev still here? is markstrom still here?? noah hanifin?? as a last resort i’ll say blasty
carolina hurricanes: aho & jarvy & teuvo teravainen & brent burns is still playing maybe? i know sepe got traded
chicago hockey: the bedsy narrative is compelling but ANDREAS ATHANASIOU MY BELOVED reunited with tyler bertuzzi… that’s the real story. also i like foligno
colorado avalanche: gabe landeskog, whatever ross colton & miles wood have going on, natemac + jo, mikko
columbus blue jackets: have long been on the merzlikins train, have been swayed to the darkside of umich boys (brindley, kent johnson, fantilli, blankenburg who is now on nsh)
dallas stars: seggy! mush! roope + miro and otter and robo and wyjo (rip ty dellandrea) and harls! etc.
detroit red wings: MOST players. dilly larks, moritz seider, jv, raymond, rasmussen, kitty, lyon, etc except for k*ne
edmonton oilers: mcdrai, ofc. nugent-hopkins, nursey, rip vinny & skinny
florida panthers: tkachuk, reinhardt, sasha barkov, verhaeghe (is there still?)
los angeles kings: adrian kempe… kevin fiala… danault… quinton byfield & alex turcotte
minnesota wild: kirill, marat, fleury, brodes, fabes, boldy, moose, middsy, spurge… god’s perfect idiots
montreal canadiens: going out on a limb here to say martin st. louis but also xhekaj (both), slafkovský, suzuki, my austrian reinbacher, yes fine cole caufield
nashville predators: MOST BEAUTIFUL D PAIR IN THE WORLD GRADY SKJEI AND ROMAN JOSI!! juuse, evangelista, isn’t stamkos there and also someone else who absolutely should not be
new jersey devils: nico… tuna (tatar), dawson mercer, siegenthaler, dougie hamilton, yes the hugheses whatever
new york islanders: barzy, zeeker & marty, anders lee, noah dobson lol
new york rangers: mika & chris, lafrenière & k’andre, shesterkin
philadelphia flyers: frosty & beezer and tk and sanny and the new baby michkov and coots and scooty loots and foerster etc etc. you know the Guys
pittsburgh penguins: the two headed monster but also compelled by rutger mcgroarty, and kevin hayes was there!!!
ottawa senators: timmy stü & brady! josh norris! the evolution of shane pinto! ullmark now and brännström and claude giroux and chabot
san jose sharks: ekky, thrun, mario, borde, logan couture, shakir, that other vaguely blond rookie
seattle kraken: brandon tanev, andre burakovsky! grubauer & d’accord also
st. louis blues: jordan kyrou, nathan walker (is still there?), rob thomas? is parayako still there?
tampa bay lightning: hedman, point, they dumped so many guys after the cup run… is kucherov still there or is he in nashville?? anthony cirelli (notable for being made out with by pat maroon)
toronto maple leafs: mitch, jt, willy, alex nylander, kniesy, dewar, et
utah hockey: crouse, keller, tuba
vancouver canucks: quinn, brock, petey, jt, garly, höggy, i want to say dakota johnson, elias lindholm?
vegas golden knights: brandon montour is here now… alex pietrangelo, so sorry to one i can’t remember who loves the lions it will come back to me
washington capitals: full of love and stupidity. oshie, nicke/ovi, pierre-luc dubois, dowd, vrána, milano
winnipeg jets: adam lowry!! josh morissey and kc and morgan barron, also vladdy my beloved
tagging @stillfertile + @colap1nto + @songsandswords + @moregraceful if they haven’t done it yet, i know they follow at least a couple teams. if anybody else wants to play i love adopting blorbos!!
#it is literally my DREAM to get challenged by someone about how many hockey guys i can name because i am a freak like that#and i make up arguments in my head for fun. please Try Meeeee#me when i wear all of my different crewnecks out & make up an imaginary argument where i have to list five guys from every team… ok why not#in doing this i hope i expose so many of you to narratives and also don’t show my ass because we’re at the point in the season where i go#‘he got traded WHERE???’ & i forget where everyone got moved around 🫡 everyone who watches a game has to deal with me regularly going WAIT#tag games#liv in the replies#this is secretly just a love letter to everyone i follow who got me invested in these narratives. i WILL adopt ur interests &speech pattern#and like. it very much does NOT even come close to reflecting the narratives i have and will be invested in#hated my own rule as soon as i made it but it prevented me from creating an even MORE elaborate set of rules which was like. would you#actually root for this guy playing hockey vs are these all narrative characters so you need to them be able to back it up with a fic#which. given that it’s BLORBO i was like none of them are about to named on the basis of their hockey and also i am a giant hater#if you’re playing the red wings i want you to lose if the red wings are out i cannot guarantee who i will root for. it is up to The Spirit#this took me too long… worth it#like I don’t know as if i’ll ever make a proper pinned post but this is high in contention simply for the fact that i just Talk about Guys#you guys missed the part where i tried to do it in alphabetical order but completely forgot all teams that started with a p and colorado#among other teams and then i had to google ‘32 nhl teams’ because i could not for the life of me figure out who i was missing. rip ottawa#which is so funny because i love so many guys on their team. like. this list is such evidence of my BLANKING on the spot under pressure.#*everyone who saw this say stolarz no you didn’t. listen i knew ONE of them had gotten traded 😭 and literally during the pre-season det/tor#game today i heard ‘stolarz’ and went OH FUCK NO OH NO and wheezed my way here to fix it.
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Last post before I crash and no-one hears from me until I return from my first final the morrow’s eve (a changed man no doubt) but there’ll never be anything funnier to me than consistently being viewed as a composed and calm saviour by peers while I’m, actively and uncontrollably losing it.
#not said sarcastically or as a vent by the way I genuinely find it so terribly amusing. you think I have it together ? aw <3 you fool.#i’ve been pacing around my room like a starving lion since the past week in whatever free time i’ve had.#and i keep getting people in my messages begging me for last minute help ? which is endearing but. i’m hanging on for dear life myself#helping isn’t foreign to me; i have 4 (?) people in my class who almost exclusively refer to me as ma’am and even refer to me as a teacher.#but helping last minute is so. deeply chaotic.#and I have this issue with me where having others around me makes me immediately drop into a ‘role’ of sorts?#i’ll be freaking out but then someone else starts freaking out around me and my immediate response is to just.#hey. we are going to make it out of this. it’s easy as pie. do you see me worried? no right? <- on the verge of hyperventilating#there’s this one guy in particular who got so excited to find out we have the exact same examination set-up tomorrow.#i gave him like basic pointers and i don’t think i’ve ever been thanked so earnestly and desperately in my life.#i remember during mocks my friends would message me what I wrote in questions and then they’d immediately go oh thank Fuck.#they’d literally just act like they’re absolutely going to pass now just because we had points in common.#as if i’m some sort of fucked up correct answer sheet incarnate.#it’s genuinely really sweet to me though; like i’m not posting this ranting or such.#having so much faith in another to the point that you can put yourself completely at ease says. alot i think.#and i’m glad i can be that person for so many.#and I feel like it helps me in a way too because i become so concerned with others that I forget to drown myself in my worries.#i forget that I’m worried because there are others to care about and console and help. so i suppose they help me in a way as well.#but also who is going to be that person for ME. who is going to console ME. im going fucking neurotic /jest#<- woman with ego issues & control issues who would rather die than accept help.#sigh. oh well. I’m sure we’ll do just fine. cannot wait#🥀🍷 — colloquy.
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the amount of surprised pika “wait people actually shave their arms?” comments on posts about body hair are so funny like I unironically am so happy for you that you weren’t laughed at by a classmate for having hairy arms “like a man” in like 4th grade this is why I wish body hair conversations would stop centering around armpit hair
#okay that’s the tldr but the way I actually remember it is that the classmate (a boy) pointed out my arm hair and ask why so hairy#and I genuinely was so confused I was just like idk??? and then later at home that day I asked my mom about it and she was like#It’s bc your dads side of the family is hairy so then I later talked to that guy again like ‘I take after my dad’ or whatever#And /then/ is when he laughed and was like ‘but you’re a girl’ about it#Granted I’m non-binary but like I didn’t know that in elementary#Plus I didn’t stop shaving until around mid 2010s and was still self conscious about it for years#Like I remember feeling embarrassed during college (2018ish) if I had to use the rest room and someone else was in there when I would roll#My sleeves up to wash my hands#Anyways I eventually stopped caring about it sometime within the last year or 2 but see how long that took? It really shouldnt#Like some of us just genetically have more darker thicker visible body hair than others and we shouldn’t be shamed for it#One thing at a time though because even I’m still working through leg hair shame#I don’t shave them anymore but I also haven’t worn shorts outside of my bedroom in years#I’ll literally switch into shorts if it’s too hot right before bed and switch back into pants before stepping out of my room in the morning#I’ve been feeling cute the past few days and it’s starting to warm up again plus also had a convo w mom recently so#I might change that soon but only within the house still bc baby steps <3#Anyways I’m just rambling now so I should stop. Good night !!
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sugurucoded in every sense of the word
#i think he will always be the first one to leave… there’s no version of him in my mind (canon adjacent) where he doesn’t leave first#i just think in times of having chosen other people he decides to choose himself#and that will always result in Leaving . whether it be for his sake or his significant other’s sake#and i think at the same time he will ALWAYS deep down be the one w the most regret even if he says he has none#i think he has a tendency to keep people at a polite distance bc he doesn’t want to get hurt (maybe ties into his family history)#and so he’ll leave before he can get hurt + before he can hurt someone (emotionally)#like he’s fine with being hated (he’s not) but… idk to me at the end of the day he’s a very like . Scared person#again this isn’t technically canon suguru but it’s a facet OF suguru that i find fascinating#it’s funny too because when he chooses himself he dooms himself & others around him#something something i leave because i love you but i lost you#i didn’t end up ordering war of the foxes bc i forgot/missed the sale but i’ll get it during black friday methinks#also it’s been YEARS since i read crush… i need reread it again tomorrow#*need to . it’s nighttime i’m sleepy#personal
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Just listened to Bayo3’s Moonlight Serenade and it just hit me again how absolutely furious I am about this game. Waiting 5 years since the announcement and then 2 further years before I could finally play it just to be met by that was… I don’t even have words for it.
And the worst part is - I was having so much fun playing it! Sure, it wasn’t on the level of Bayo1 or Bayo2, but it was still a delight to play! I loved the new designs, I loved the new weapons, I loved the music, I loved the new flow of combat, I genuinely had such a great time! Alright, the writing wasn’t exceptional, but the idea of parallel universes was still fun to explore - and I’m not fond of the enemies’ design in general, but I had a blast fighting them once I figured them out, and I appreciate the fact that they tried to do something different once again (after fighting angels in Bayo1 and demons in Bayo2). I even loved Jeanne’s little spy levels!! They were so cool and charming and so much fun to play through!
And I liked Viola! The narrative really didn’t do her justice but she was still such an endearing character! Her fighting sections were different but still enjoyable, and I enjoyed everything about Cheshire, which made her levels even better.
And I just - to take all that potential, all that joy, and squander it so completely and maliciously right at the end was just… devastating to me. I know Bayonetta isn’t made for the girls and the gays, but that’s not even the point - I would’ve at least enjoyed a Cereza/Luka ending if it had been written properly! Instead they decided to assassinate the characters we all knew and loved, spit on all the established lore and themes of the previous games, stomp on all the newly introduced characters, and all to shoehorn in a fated-lovers narrative that doesn’t even work on its own, without taking into account everything that contradicts it in the previous instalments.
And as if that’s not enough, they forced it into the most depressing, most nonsensical, most malicious finale I have ever witnessed. Why are you punishing me for winning the fights? Where is the reward for getting to the end? I was waiting at the edge of my seat for the entire game to see how Cereza would turn the situation around, how she’d overcome the impossible odds and come out dancing on her enemies, and instead they told me no, she saves almost no-one, she dies a pointless death she could’ve easily avoided so we can get a) the stupidest romance ever seen and b) a new protagonist that we spent no time developing, and nothing you did in this game had any meaning at all, fuck you.
Sorry for the rant, but I’m just… I’m so disappointed. I really really wanted to like this game and instead the finale ruined the whole experience for me. I literally sat in silence as the final scene and credits rolled out because I just couldn’t fathom what I was watching. How do you take such a great cast of beloved characters and decide that this is what you want to do with them? With a 5-year development time, no less? They deserved better, Cereza especially deserved better, and we all deserved so much better.
#I’m sorry but I just. i can’t deal#like. this is bayonetta!!! her whole thing is that she gets into impossible situations and comes out on top with a smile on her face!!#she literally fought GODS in the first two games and WON!!!#I’d understand if they didn’t want to make any more games. I’d get it! I’d even appreciate it!#but give her a proper conclusion instead of… whatever this was#they literally scrapped everything that made her work as a character#wrote the hollowest personality imaginable#and slapped it into cereza’s walking corpse#and did the same for jeanne and luka#where are my competent confident witches? where’s my silly comic relief boy with a lot of heart and even more luck??#when jeanne and the bayos reappeared during the final fight I remember being like ‘oh there we go! they werent really gone!’#‘this is when the narrative turns around finally!’#but NO#they were just ghosts and bayo gets obliterated by gomorrah instead.#i just… why. just why. don’t make the game if you hate everything about it just saying#idk if theres an anti-bayo3 tag#if there is lmk and i’ll add it#i dont want to spread any hate but I’m just so disappointed still
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me leaving the house during the hottest part of day bc i couldn’t get my ass out of bed earlier when it was cooler: this is fine
#doing my 'walk around the city' day even tho it’s 100 degrees out bc i’m stubborn like that#i’ll be at the mfa during the hottest parts tho#is the plan lol
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Photos from the m&g line while I wait for @smorgana to send me our photos with Anetra <3
#guys when I say she’s the sweetest ever I am so serious#like this was the best m&g I’ve done she’s so personable and really makes an effort to get to know every person it’s amazing#maybe I’ll fuck around and come back in December even though that’s during the school year Lmfao#anyways she was perfect it was perfect I died#anetra#rpdr 15#drag race#drag race 15#rpdr#rupauls drag race#rupauls drag race 15
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life is overall good but ngl a single straw could break my back any minute now 😭
#I am going to kill my parents like fr#if this move doesn’t kill me first#im at my wits end I miss my friends I miss having the mental capacity to answer messages I just feel so deeply overwhelmed#tfw other people are ALSO bringing up your parents in therapy LMAOOOO god. end me#I can’t wait to be free#I feel like I’ll need like a month to settle my nervous system and get the cats settled#but after the move I just want to. rly prioritize taking care of myself and reaching out to friends again#ugh#thank u lief for just like. being around and being a huge support during all this 😭 even when the house is disgusting and I’m just sleeping
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Con thoughts
#honestly I really appreciate the creator of my ex fandom trying to give me job opportunities but I think if I have to work in my ex fandom#the creator is really chill and awesome but#as an official artist I’ll try to overdose to die everyday#or at least if I don’t normalize before then#I need to normalize#I mean it’s not even like im currently being traumatized I just spiral#everything I interact with anything outside of my immediate interest circle#because everyone are like so lobotomized in there like I feel im a person among zombies#like how can you just be on a comedy show and have people laugh by just referencing stuff#I don’t get their humor their lack of appreciation for creative effort and their general mental attitude#they are so averse to engaging with anything that aren’t in your face with garish gaudy colors#it’s an ugly franchise and an artless thoughtless fandom#I feel like the opening scene of shizuku where im just siting among people who im utterly alienated to#thinking about the end of the world#I know I sound really whiny to my friends bc I was telling them about stuff but#also it's not like it's hard on me or anything I spiral kinda daily unprompted already it's just . wow it's not in my head only anymore#the insanity is irl.. it's just more surreal to have the zombies I would despise irl around me#it’s kinda despairing that what I like and who I am are utterly incompatible with the#hundreds of people surrounding me during the 3 days of this con#it's like the online fandom but real and more massive#I do kinda sound ungrateful that I'm going to a con and meeting the creator of my fave series is like . rare but also#MAN kinda a bummer I wish my fave character's VA is there so I can gouge his eyes out (joke) AHEM have a Polite conversation with him#because he played the character in the way I loathed (hammy) like I would ASK him to read the books the character is in .or I start gouging#but I am also having fun???#a white man mansplained my fave to me (who was wearing whole ass ita bag of my fave) bc he though he know more about him than me bc he read#the character's wiki entry . I love it it's surreal I feel like an older god . I can smite this man yet he yaps on unknowingly#I've drawn 2k+ fanart of this obscure deeplore character you've read on the wiki mr tenth doctor cosplayer white man#I can cast u into hellfire .. ? Mr white American man ..
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