#I’d probably sacrifice myself too if everything i did caused my family to be hurt or ended in disaster | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

paper-n-ashes · 3 years

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sparks and embers - chapter 6

Characters: Poe Dameron x Original Female Character, Kylo Ren x Original Female Character

Story Tags: Explicit (18+), Canon Compliant/Divergent (Set after TLJ), First Person POV, Love Triangle, Slow Burn, Enemies to Lovers, Porn with Plot, Hurt/Comfort, Kylo Ren hates Poe Dameron

Chapter 6 - Ruin

Words: 5.9k

Chapter Tags/Warnings: Mentions of war/death, kissing, a healthy dose of the ‘sharing a bed’ trope, ANGST, sexual education because who doesn’t want to read about that in fanfiction, vague description of a female medical procedure

Read on AO3 or Start from the beginning

A softened sigh left me, knowing it was probably time to let Poe say his piece. He’d been so silent until now that I felt compelled to hear what had been stirring inside his mind while I’d held him in quiet contempt.

“Alright. I’m listening.”

He flicked on one of the dimmed lamps next to the bed, a gentle glow illuminating the room, watching as he proceeded to carefully extricate himself from under the sheets, the soreness as a result of the rehab we’d performed today now evident in his concentrated expression.

I drew myself up into a seated position on the sofa as he made his way to sit on the small table at my front, not attempting to meet my eyes until he’d slowly placed himself down on the metal. His face was less than a meter from mine, pupils drifting upwards until finally, our stares locked.

“I’m sorry,” he declared, his words heavy. “I understand why you’re angry. I get it, okay? Years of battle after battle, fight after fight, it becomes difficult to consider those working under the First Order’s control as people. People with families, loved ones, even children. They appear as targets, there simply to be eliminated. And it’s you or them. Either you perish, or you put the rational thought into the back of your mind and fight back.”

Poe glanced down, fixated to the floor, his jaw tight. “I do think about it sometimes, the people I’ve... murdered. I’ve spent sleepless nights wondering if killing in the name of freedom was a good enough reason to send people to an early death. When you don’t see their faces it’s…. easier. You don’t see the bloodshed, the corpses. You just see the fiery explosion of their ships fading into the black void of space.”

I stayed rigid in the sofa, hands clutching the into cushions. It was difficult to hold down the simmer of anger that boiled in my stomach, since everything so far only reinforced what I felt like I’d determined hours ago. Even while my demeanour remained stormy, Poe continued.

“All I heard in my childhood was my father reminding me of the way he and my mother fought for what they believed to be right. Both of them lived and battled through a time like ours, under the thumb of a regime hungry for power, sparing no innocents in their pursuit of it.” He became lost in memory, the aura drifting around him stained with a subtle sorrow. “‘People were hurting. People were suffering. Your father and I couldn’t sit and do nothing.’ That’s what my mother had told me, a child of two, as her reasoning for joining the Alliance in their efforts to push back against what threatened all type of freedom in this galaxy. My parents offered to sacrifice their lives on the tiniest shred of hope that me, and every other being on every planet, would see peace in their lifetime.”

His eyes finally shifted back to focus on mine. They were determined, yet soft, the chocolate fibers of his irises melting together. “I just... wanted to be like her. Like them. I wanted to do what they did. I wanted them to be proud of me, to have faith that their legacy would live on after they were gone. To provide freedom and peace like they had. Even if that meant sacrificing my own life, even if that meant killing those who opposed it. I had to. I had to join the people that wanted the same thing as me.”

A growing ferocity began to radiate, his voice severe. “I witnessed so many of my fellow soldiers, my friends, die thoughtlessly at the hands of others. And I wanted them to feel the same pain that I felt. Is it hypocritical? Of course, I know that. Is it cruel? Yes, murder is rarely not. But it's in the name of protection, defiance against control from an overpowering force. Those who fight with the First Order, who take over planets and kill innocents for the sake of power, they know what they’re doing. They know the consequences, the outcome, the hold the galaxy will be strangled under if they succeed. And they do it anyway. Our cause isn’t more noble, it’s self-defence. We’re trying to protect the ones who aren’t able to fight back, and those who don’t deserve to be born into a world that will crush them into submission.”

Poe’s features turned darker, leaning in close. “I will never stop thinking about the lives I’ve taken. I will never not hold myself accountable for the sins I’ve committed. But I will also not sit and do nothing. I don’t need you to accept it, but at least try to understand. You and I want the same thing, in the end, to save as many people as possible in our short lifetime. I’m just doing the best I can to see that through.”

While I instinctively took a breath in preparation to speak, nothing came. He’d rendered me speechless.

I had no reply to give, no counterargument, no flaw to point out. His honesty floored me, raw emotion and long-felt guilt rising up for me to observe so openly. The pain behind his eyes seemed so much more acute than any of the other injuries he’d sustained, not trying to shield it from my view as he spoke.

I tried to find words, anything to articulate my forgiveness. Because I did understand. He’d made me see it, the same anguish over death that I felt. But he’d also made me realise what a coward I was.

Against the people who would kill him or control him, he fought back. While I hid myself away under the guise of selflessness.

I thought I was the hero of my story, giving up my home, my old life, for the benefit of the downtrodden people of this planet. In reality, I was a scared little girl, too gutless to push back against those I, and so many others in this galaxy, feared. And here Poe was, putting himself in harm’s way, every day, in the hopes that he could take away our fear forever.

He began to rise in front of me, taking my lack of reply as an answer in itself. He seemed despondent, his face sullen as he turned to limp back to the bed.

A different kind of fury coursed through me, fury at myself for how easily I’d judged him, at how cruelly I’d treated him.

I couldn’t let the night end this way.

I picked myself up from the sofa and quickly lunged at his wrist, pulling him to face me. He was surprised, glancing with wide eyes to where my hand had caught him, then to my face. I tried desperately to convey it there, everything I wanted to say, struggling to find my voice. Poe waited for me to speak the words I clearly had sitting on the edge of my tongue, but everything I conjured didn’t seem to be enough, the jumbled thoughts swirling incoherently in my mind, never letting me quite grasp onto them long enough to form exactly what I needed to express.

Tension filled the space between us, thick and overwhelming. I soon began outlining the lines of his face, the crease currently stuck in his brow, the curve of his nose, the contour of his jaw, the arch of his lips.

My hands found themselves catching each side of his face, pulling his mouth to mine in a desperate kiss.

I’d held it back for so long, too long, now unable to deny the burning urge to melt my lips into his. He was alarmed at first, his mouth frozen from movement as he comprehended my sudden attack.

Yet quickly he was syncing his lips fluidly with mine, a hand rising to clutch the back of my neck, pulling me closer. His casted arm curled around my waist, pressing my body into his, feeling the heat radiating off his chest.

The fire in my lower abdomen roared into bright red flames again, spreading into the rest of my body like molten lava. He tasted even better than I’d imagined, our tongues beginning to find each other through parted mouths. Fingers moved into his hair, hungrily grasping at the curled strands, causing a low moan to seep from his throat. The sound made me even more forceful in my need for his lips to be connected with mine, barely having time to breathe in-between our eager kisses.

I wanted to have him, all of him, so deeply it was painful, the searing burn lighting up in my veins.

Don’t do this Alexys. It will ruin you.

My breath hitched as I reluctantly pulled away, looking up, seeing his pupils swollen. He was cautious then, moving his hand from my neck to push a strand of hair behind my ear, almost if at any moment I would flee from his embrace.

And that’s what half of me was begging to do, the other screaming at me to lock our lips together again. I felt split into two, a cracking beginning to divide me roughly in the middle.

I could see Poe searching through my gaze, trying to assess my thoughts, whether it was safe to continue. He leaned in gradually, testing my reaction. I didn’t recoil this time. I didn’t want to.

His lips melted into mine, less insistent than before, although somehow just as intimate. Inhibitions lowered, my hands slid down to his chest, noticing the hard muscles underneath my palms and feeling the fire inside me surge. I wanted to feel the bare skin underneath, to have it pressed against my own. To explore the other parts of him covered by clothes. To forget even for a short time that this was wrong, that I shouldn’t be doing this.

Poe gently withdrew, leaning his forehead into mine. “I know.”

“Know what?”

He exhaled a long breath. “I know you don’t want to do this.”

I replaced my hands to his cheeks. “You have no idea how much I want this. How much I want you.” The truth of the words made me feel both vulnerable and safe, for the first time giving in to the yearning I’d hoped to keep locked inside my chest.

He tensed, a slight tremble in the arm that curved around my body. But his face grew sombre, almost... sad. “You don’t. Not completely. I can feel you wanting to hold back,” he murmured. “I can feel your fear.”

I swallowed hard, unable to refute him. “…I’m sorry. I want to. But I just… I can’t."

We both looked down, my confirmation making the tone of our connection shift. He was silent for what felt like a long time, and we stayed motionless in our embrace, neither wanting it to end, knowing it was inevitable that we would have to part.

“Why?” he breathed. “Why are you afraid?”

I wanted to be honest with him, like he had been for me, so much the sensation felt like it was clawing out from inside me, determined to burst through the skin. But there was a barrier there, one I had forged long ago. Unyielding and impenetrable to anything or anyone.

Although, I felt another realisation simmer to the surface of my mind, one that was not nearly as exposing, but still true.

“You’re going to leave. And I have to stay here. I don’t… I don’t want that to hurt any more than it has to.”

It seemed to hit him then, like he hadn’t let the thought enter his mind before. The awareness of our predicament shone brightly in his eyes, a light switch flickering on.

His hand moved to my cheek, grazing his thumb softly against the skin, my heart throbbing inside its cage at his light touch. I watched as eyes scanned over my face, back and forth, as if memorising the features. It was then I knew he’d come to the same conclusion.

It wouldn’t be long before we would part, most likely to never see each other again. If we went any further, if we crossed that line, the pain of saying goodbye would become so much more unbearable.

Almost simultaneously, we let our hold on each other loosen, the disappointment in the air almost palatable on my tongue. The smouldering inside had burnt out, suffocated by the gloom weighing heavy in my chest. Poe took my hand in his, his eyes pleading. “Can I ask one thing of you?’

I moved my head in a slow nod.

“Sleep in this bed with me tonight. Just sleep. I promise.” It was an earnest request, his face imploring and unguarded.

In contempt of the voice in my head bellowing at me that this was a terrible idea, I agreed. “Okay.”

Together we tentatively walked to each side of the mattress, making no rush to slip under the covers and settle into the pillows. I faced away, fearing if I looked at Poe's charming face any longer, I would surrender to the pull of desire that never seemed to relent. I didn’t know how I was ever going to be able to fall asleep like this, his body radiating an energy that vibrated into the space between us, keeping me all too aware of his presence.

There was movement, a dip in the mattress, Poe’s arms curling around my torso, pulling me close. His face buried itself into my hair, the warmth of his gradual exhale sending charged shivers down my spine. Placing my arms over his, silently accepting his embrace, I felt my heart thump a calming glow through my chest, all the way to the end of my limbs.

I’d never felt so peaceful, so whole, becoming lost in the comfort of his hold, wishing I could bask in it forever.

But reality bit at me, cold and uninvited, reminding me of the goodbye I would have to give soon enough.

We were still entangled when consciousness came again, the dim light of early sunrise leaking through my window. Poe’s arms circled around me, my body fitting perfectly into his.

He was still asleep, his face resting just at the back of my head, slow breaths bristling into my hair. I relished the feeling of it all, trying to commit it to my memory.

I stayed there, motionless, waiting for time to run out, knowing I would be chasing the feeling of this in the months, maybe years, to come. Thinking about his future absence made me terrifyingly lonely, even with his arms wrapped around now.

Eventually the seconds ticked down to my chronometer alarm buzzing, rustling Poe awake from his slumber. I assumed he would begin to move, pulling away, this one night that bonded us together finally ending. Yet he stayed as unmoving as I had been, the only indication he had awoken the increased depth of his inhale, a small tense of his muscles. I went to move, to switch the screeching sound off, but he clutched me back into his chest, squeezing tight.

As much as my heart thumped at the pressure of his hips into mine, the noise of my alarm was grating. “Let me turn it off,” I whispered. “I’ll come right back.”

Poe loosened his grip reluctantly, allowing me to reach over to the screeching machine and mute its sound. I settled back comfortably into his arms again, as he nuzzled his face into my neck, lips faintly placing a kiss on the skin.

“Poe… please… don’t…”

His sigh whistled past my neck. “Come with me, when I leave.”

It annoyed me, his fleeting demand so easily spoken. As if I could suddenly give up all that encompassed my life before he appeared, the beings that depended on me. But his voice was so sincere, so entreating in the early morning, that the irritation dashed away from the forefront of my mind.

“You know I can’t do that.”

He acknowledged my answer in the shift of his body from around me, moving himself out of the bed we had shared for the night and leaving me alone underneath the sheets.

It burned, the unprecedented disconnection of his shape from mine, my chest forming into a black hole in the realisation I might never feel him that close again.

I wanted to let my emotion to take over, to give in to the pain that rushed to me now as the finality of our night cradled together became evident. But I refused to release it, my resolve from the night before holding strong. I knew I’d made it harder by giving in to Poe's innocent plea of sharing a slumber within his embrace, but I wasn’t going to let our farewell completely ruin me.

With a forced composure, I rose from my bedside, focusing on the appointments scheduled to fill my day. Through my haze I recalled many of them being young female patients in need of birth control. I would somehow have to shut Poe away, wanting to give these women the privacy they deserved.

Poe and I appeared to use the ‘freshers at the same time, the searing heat I usually liked being showered with restrained no matter how high I pushed the temperature button. Eventually I’d readied myself for the workday ahead, deciding on a pencil skirt and lightened blue blouse tucked into the waist, working my hair into a ponytail.

It was when I’d begun making breakfast, for both myself and all the company that I kept in the clinic at the moment, that Poe emerged back into my quarters in a set of dark black hospital clothes. I glanced at him only briefly as he entered, hearing him pull out a chair, not daring to look at his face yet.

“Smells good,” he uttered, breaking the silence that existed in exemption to the sautéed chicken eggs and nuna bacon sizzling in the large pan in front of me.

“It’s almost ready,” I remarked, feeling completely the disconnection between us in his tone. Half of me was glad he accepted the separation we needed to make, the other mourning the severed bond we had formed in the connection of our bodies. But I had to let it go, whatever was left of the fragile link that survived the night.

I continued preparing the hot meal, separating the foodstuff between Poe and Vixur’s crew. Once I’d gently placed a share in front of Poe at the table, a smile meeting him fleetingly, I took the rest with me, balancing the four dishes on my hands and forearms, moving cautiously through the hallway.

With impeccable timing Vixur and his students were conversing between each other, obviously having woken just before I came to greet them.

“I’ve got breakfast for you all,” I announced, setting it down at the meeting table across from my computer. It was generally used as a place I could sit with patients and their families when giving them their diagnosis or explaining treatment plans, but today it would have to work as a secondary dining table. All four men jabbered back thankyous as they moved quickly to sit and eat, their appreciation evident in the way they gulped down the meal without hesitation. I returned to my quarters to find Poe picking lazily at his food, only a few bites eaten.

“Does it taste bad?” I asked from behind him, before circling to my seat at the table.

He looked up swiftly, as if I’d startled him. He must have been deeply lost in thought not to hear me treading down the hallway.

“It’s delicious,” he urged. “I’m just… not that hungry.”

“Are you feeling alright? Are you still sore? Are you-“

“Alex, I’m fine,” he interrupted. “You can’t fix a bad mood with any of your treatments.”

I looked at him curiously. “Bad mood?”

Did I do that to him?

“Did you not sleep well?”

He didn’t answer me right away, a subtle scowl settling in his lips. “It was actually... the most restful sleep I’ve had in a long time.”

I fought the urge to beam at him, a smile waiting to form, but the gloomy expression he wore held it down. I had to agree with him - it truly was the most comfortable rest I’d experienced in recent memory. And knowing I would never feel that peaceful, dreamless slumber in his arms again made me fully understand why he was frowning.

“Thank you so much for the meal Alex. I just... don’t have an appetite right now.” Poe rose from his seat and took his plate to clean, his sombre mood spilling into my body and taking over. Wringing his hands dry, He turned back to me. “Is it still alright if I keep using your office to continue working on BB-8?”

I nodded. “It would actually be preferable. Most of my patients today are women, and I need privacy for their appointments. I’ll let you know when it’s safe to come out, okay?”

Poe understood what I’d only hinted at. “Sure thing. I won’t step a foot out that room without your permission.”

A kind smile formed on his lips, but it fell as he moved from my quarters, leaving me to my breakfast, which now seemed extremely unappetizing.

“Well, Kaia, you’ve got a couple of options,” I started. It was my 5th appointment of the day, and I was starting to lose all hope in the young generation that followed mine. “You can get the implant, which lasts 5 years and protects you from pregnancy. But it can be a painful procedure, and unfortunately the implant itself is quite expensive. There are injections which last 3 months, but you’ll have to see me again in that time frame. I know that’s hard for you being from the South village. But there’s always prophylactics, which your partner has to use, every separate time you want to be intimate.”

Kaia was a 17-year-old human girl who had obviously not been taught any helpful sex education. Although, that wasn’t uncommon in these villages.

“But, like,” she began to question. “Can’t he just, like, not, um, finish in there?”

I drew in a deep breath. This wasn’t the first time I’d explained this today. “Technically yes, if he withdraws from you before that moment comes, it does lessen the chance of pregnancy. But Kaia, there’s a lot of fluid already leaking from him before then, fluid that can contain sperm. It doesn’t protect you. Not fully.”

Kaia was thoughtful, taking in my words. “But what if he doesn’t want to use the sheath?”

“Well... that’s his decision. But then you have to make yours. A decision that you’re more than allowed to make. One night could lead to either a future of motherhood or even diseases that could cause a great deal of damage to your body.”

“Ew,” Kaia recoiled. “I mean, I get what you’re saying. But Miss Jago, haven’t you ever been so swept up in the moment that you didn’t think about any of that?”

My jaw clenched, catching me off guard with her question. None of the other women had posed it to me. “It’s not been an issue for me,” I said flatly.

“Because of the birth control, right?” she surmised. “Which one do you use then?”

Oof, caught me out again.

“I don’t have the need for it. Kaia, this is not about me-”

“Wait, what?” she gasped. “But you’re so pretty?”

I soaked my voice in its professional tone. “This is your appointment Kaia, we’re not here to discuss my personal life.”

Kaia refused to comply. “But you’ve done it, right?”

I sighed, irritated. “Yes Kaia, but we took all the necessary precautions.”

“Well that doesn’t make it sound very fun,” Kaia huffed.

I tried desperately to hold back the aversion wanting to show on my face. It hadn’t been fun. It was clunky, awkward and somewhat painful. And I felt a spike of envy that this teenager already seemed to have had better experience with the opposite sex than I did.

“Look, your options are there. If I had to choose one, and I was with a partner I could trust had nothing that could spread to me, I’d go with the implant.”

She contemplated my advice, pulling her hands up to let her chin rest on them. “I think you’re right Miss Jago. But my parents would never help me pay for it.”

“That’s alright,” I replied, already knowing the home situation Kaia found herself in. She’d made the trek to my clinic alone, without her parent’s knowledge, just to see me for this single reason. I doubted they even knew she had a boyfriend. “How about I put the implant in today, and we figure out payment later?”

Kaia’s face lit up, eyes brimming with delight. “Really?”

I smiled at her and nodded.

“Thank you!” she squealed, face barely containing her excitement.

Really, this was for both her benefit and my own. I wasn’t about to face her parents when it would ultimately be me providing the news their daughter was pregnant. I didn’t want Kaia to go through that, a young pregnancy in a poor village after her parents would most likely cast her out.

“Remember I said this can be a painful procedure, and you’ll be sore for a day or two afterwards.”

Kaia nodded, understanding, yet unable to hold back her joy.

I worked my way through the process of setting her implant, my mind on autopilot while I thought more about the question Kaia innocently queried. I’d never come close to the type of desire that would have caused me to throw away all caution and rational thought. Not until-

“Hey Alex!” I heard from the other side of the curtain I’d drawn for Kaia’s discretion. “I know I said I wouldn’t come out until you said, but I’ve got something I need to show you.”

Poe’s voice was exuberant and proud, annoyingly unaware of the fact I had my hand in a very delicate place. My eyes shot to Kaia’s, her cheeks already flushing red with mortification.

“Poe!” I fumed, not hiding my anger. “I asked you to do one thing!”

I sensed his panic from behind the fabric separating us. “Kriff! Sorry!” His voice changed when he spoke next, a hurried whisper. “BB, come back here! We can’t show her yet!”

A streaming mechanical movement could be heard in my periphery, turning my head to see a shadow moving along the bottom of the curtain. I took the moment to stop what I was doing, covering Kaia with a sheet.

I was thankful I did that when the BB-8 droid slip through a break in the drape, caring little for what Poe had ordered him to do. His little head sat hovering above his balled body, for the first time actually staying in position. The photoreceptor, which looked like a singular eye, was also finally lit as he zoomed closer. While an impressed smirk started to beam as I realised Poe had managed to get his little friend working, it was rapidly overtaken by irritation at the droid’s lack of courtesy.

Poe was cursing under his breath, then apologetic. “Alex and uh, patient, I am so sorry. BB, get out of there!” BB-8 let out a few indiscernible beeps, a language I didn’t understand, although Poe seemed to. “I don’t care! They need privacy. You can see her later!” he hollered.

The droid made what sounded like a high-pitched huff as its head dropped, like it knew it had been scolded. Its head swivelled around on top it’s body and rolled away, again sliding through the break in the curtain.

“Come on, back this way.” I listened to the combination of footsteps and mechanical whirring move back into the hallway, a door eventually clicking closed. Looking apologetically back to Kaia, her face was still stunned at the intrusion.

“I am so sorry. I told him to stay put until my appointments were over. It’s okay if you want to stop for a moment,” I offered, trying to stay as calm as possible.

Kaia blinked purposefully a few times before being able to focus back to me. “No it’s okay. I’m ready.”

I admired her composure, while I remained silently boiling under the surface.

“What the hell Poe?” I snarled, barging into my office where Poe sat, seemingly interrupting a conversation he was having with BB-8. I’d clawed my anger into submission for the rest of Kaia’s appointment, but now it was ready to surge outward.

Poe stood, arms held up in surrender. “I know! I’m sorry! I didn’t think, and it was just really bad timing.” BB-8 beeped in what sounded like agreeance, rolling around from behind the office desk into my view.

“It was the worst timing!” I snapped. “That girl was 17, in a very vulnerable position, and you scared the living daylights out of her!”

“I know, and I can’t apologise enough Alex, really!” His face was pleading, brown eyes soft yet desperate. “I was just so excited about BB working again, and I wanted to show you.”

His sincerity disarmed me, my fury sizzling down, suffocated by his apology. I took a slow breath in, eyes closed, reigning it in further. “Please don’t disregard my instructions again,” I grumbled.

He nodded, as did BB-8, and my eyes focused on the droid. He was oddly cute in his appearance, his small beeps already annoyingly adorable. “Hello,” I greeted, all frustration now clean from my voice. “My name is Alexys.” I kneeled down to his eye level and he immediately wheeled directly in front of me, beeping somewhat of his own introduction.

“He said it’s nice to meet you,” Poe clarified, still hesitant at the easy change in my mood.

I looked up at him, curious. “You can understand those sounds he makes?”

“Most of it,” Poe answered. “It’s a form of Binary. Having him with me for so long helped me grow accustomed to the pitch and time changes in his beeps.”

My eyebrows rose, fascinated. “That’s so impressive.” BB-8 squealed in uneven time, his eye looking over to Poe, who almost looked bashful. “What? What did he say?”

He shot BB-8 an irritated look before meeting his eyes to mine. “It’s nothing important. His circuits are still a little fried.”

I wasn’t convinced, but then again I didn’t speak droid. "I'm glad you got him working,” I said earnestly, pleased there hadn’t been any type of casualty from his crash.

Poe sighed, relieved. “Me too. He’s the best co-pilot I’ve ever had.”

BB-8 whistled happily, evidently pleased with the praise, and its sweetness made me smile.

“Alexys?” Vixur suddenly called, his voice echoing down the hall. “Are you back there?”

I left Poe and BB-8 without a word, finding Vixur standing at the hallway entrance, his clothes smeared in dirt and dark grease. “Everything okay?”

Vixur nodded, evidently tired, still an accomplished grin filled his face. “We’re done actually. The comm-tower’s fixed.”

I wanted to smile back, to show my appreciation for his hard work, but it all became too hard to fake anymore.

This was it, the beginning of my goodbye to Poe. He would now be able to contact the Resistance, his friends, and he would soon be gone from my life just as suddenly as he arrived.

I forced the tears back as I hugged Vixur, doing all I could to hide my pain and show some kind of gratitude for the selfless work he had done.

Somehow Vixur sensed the turmoil simmering through me, patting my back softly. He pulled out of our embrace, speaking softly enough so Poe wouldn’t hear. “You needed this done for him, didn’t you?”

I nodded, the sadness hard to contain on my face. Vixur’s own expression was sympathetic as he squeezed my arm reassuringly. I didn’t need to explain anything, he just seemed to know.

“If it’s meant to be, you’ll find each other again.”

I drew in a long breath, furiously smothering the need to cry. I wanted to thank him more, for giving his time to me for little in return, but I couldn’t say the words out of fear the sudden sorrow would overwhelm me if I spoke out loud.

Vixur understood this, giving me a caring smile as he took his leave. “Well, we best be heading back to the village. I’ll see you sometime soon Alex. If I don’t, I wish you luck.”

And he was gone, the clinic door closing behind him, leaving me frozen in dread. A large part of me was reluctant to tell Poe the ‘good news’, but he’d waited long enough for his rescue from this planet.

I didn’t need to turn around to know he’d slinked out of the office to find me stuck where I stood, BB-8’s soft whirring following him.

“The comm-tower is ready, isn’t it?” Poe asked gently.

I forced myself to smile as I turned around, Poe’s expression not showing the relief I would have expected.

“Sure is,” I replied, the hint of quiver in my voice. “You can finally go home.”

I saw Poe’s lip tremble as he too attempted a smile, the disappointment in his eyes more indicative of his actual reaction to my answer.

Neither of us spoke for a long time, BB-8 looking back and forth quizzically, a few unsure beeps finally pierced in Poe’s direction. The sounds knocked us back into reality, as I moved to find the transmitter I’d stashed back into my tech station after determining its redundancy days ago.

The memories felt foreign, like they were from a different age. So little time had changed me so much, making me feel the most unstable and fragile I had felt in so long, on the verge of tipping into an overwhelming pain.

Poe had watched me in silence, unmoving. I eventually shifted the transmitter into his arms, an extremely aged, large box with an array of dusty buttons poking out of the rusted metal.

“It’s old, but it still works,” I insisted in a monotone, the emotion sucked from my voice. Poe only nodded, and gave me one last despairing glance as he turned away, carrying the machine into the study, BB-8 trailing behind him.

When the door closed, I couldn’t hold onto it any longer, the overpowering misery bursting free, its icy presence consuming me in a singular moment, the cold burn stinging as a few tears trickled down my cheeks.

What did I tell you?

The tears came faster at the sound of the voice, it’s condescension only making the suffering more excruciating.

No.

You’re wrong. I’m stronger than this.

I wiped away the errant tears defiantly, pulling myself together at the seams that had broken a few minutes ago, calming my breathing, trying to settle the trembling on inhale.

I’d made it through so much worse, pushed past crushing loneliness, fear and sadness, to make myself more resilient than I was behaving now. And I wasn’t going to let myself be caught in this vortex of emotion any longer.

I will not let this ruin me.

Next Chapter

Tag list: @tlcwrites @roanniom @foxilayde @blackberries45 @hopeamarsu @caillea @princessxkenobi @leatherboundbirate @blowthatpieceofjunk @mylifeisactuallyamess @lightsinthedistancee @paterson-blue

(Please let me know if you wanted to be added or removed!)

#poe dameron #poe dameron x original female character #kylo ren #kylo ren x original female character #star wars #star wars fanfiction #adcu #adcu fanfiction #poe dameron x reader #poe dameron x female reader #kylo ren x reader #kylo ren x female reader #I SWEAR KYLO IS COMING OKAY THIS IS A SLOW BURN

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jokertrap-ran · 3 years

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(时空中的绘旅人—For All Time—) Clarence Route Translations (Chapter 16-2 阿萝拉: Aurora)

*For All Time Master-list / Clarence’s Personal Master-list *Spoiler free: Translations will remain under cut *Maintaining Si Lan’s name as Clarence *Route Tag is #Chapter of Legacy

I carried the napping Aurora back to the Mage Tower.

Seeing how her body was becoming horribly cold, I held her with my own body as she slept.

It was a while later that she turned, looping her arms around my neck.

Aurora: I'm a little cold… Uncle told me that I should sing loudly whenever I'm cold...

Saying so, she started singing in a gossamer-like voice by my ear.

Aurora: Stars are sleeping, snow gently falling. Where has the butterfly gone; for my hand still holds the fragrance of flowers…

She sang in short bursts. Maybe it was because she was still unfamiliar with it, or perhaps it was because she was distracted by something else.

Aurora: That Uncle sings it so well. Sadly, Aurora hasn't completely learnt it…

She hugged me tighter to her because of how cold she felt. Her other hand reached over to press itself against her stomach. I knew her stomach was still hurting.

Clarence said that these were all drawbacks of being a Mage.

But for a child so young? On what grounds, does she have to be bearing this immense burden for the sake of the world?

I didn't know what to do. All I could do was to hold her small body tightly within my arms…

A night passed.

It was very quiet when I awoke.

No, something's wrong. Aurora should be beside me, and she's gone! Did… Did Clarence deal away with her already, since she was on the verge of losing control?

I hurriedly got up and recalled what Sun Zhuoyi had told me yesterday. I felt a gut-dropping sense of unease. I MUST find her!

⊹ ˚✩ ━━━━━━━ ∘◦ ✥ ◦∘ ━━━━━━━ ✩˚ ⊹

I quickly smoothed out my clothes and went hunting for her up and down the Mage Tower.

The carriage was already ready and waiting outside the Mage Tower. Clarence was giving Aurora the instructions to her assignment in front of it.

I got a little closer to them and listened in on their conversation.

Sounds like Aurora’s mission this time is to clear out the Rebel Mages who worked under the Silver Knight.

The Silver Knight had managed to rope some Rebel Mages into his plans and allowed them to attack the Palace, as well as the residences of Nobles. I’ve also vaguely seen the aftermath of the chaos caused by the Rebel Mages before, in my previous journeys.

To my knowledge of the matter, they’d managed to successfully scare the Aristocrats, but they were all quickly dealt away with by Clarence himself, so nothing particularly serious happened.

But this time, upon overhearing Clarence as he explained Aurora’s task to her, I knew; This wasn’t the slightest bit simple at all.

The Silver Knight has been pulling out all stops and laying out the groundwork every step of the way in his plans to attack the Capital. Not only did he have Ordinary Mages under his control, but also a team of Mages that were already out of control.

The Silver Knight utilized potions to forcefully alter the Mages into a half-butterfly metamorphosis― He coerced the Mages to consume the potion of their own accord, making them willingly fall into a state of nearly losing control, before maintaining this state through the use of another potion.

A Mage in this state had icy wings in place of arms and their entire body covered in ice crystals. Their sanity will be on the brink of madness, yet they still hold a sliver of consciousness.

Of course, when under excruciating pain, the only thing they can process is to kill, destroy, and freeze everything. And Clarence’s method of dealing with this impending “destruction”, was to “engulf” it all.

He’d decided to send out Aurora, one of the “Nine Seats'' to deal with the matter. He told her that she didn’t need to care about who, or what was on the other end, merely to treat them as Ice Butterflies and devour them all.

Aurora: Wow. Aurora can eat till she’s full if there are that many monsters this time. Right?

Clarence: That’s right. You’ll be able to eat to your heart’s content this time. And then after you’re done… Do make sure to get a good night’s sleep. You will not feel cold anymore, and neither will your stomach hurt ever again after you fall asleep this time.

I felt my eyes dampening.

Aurora… She really doesn’t know, does she…?

This was a death sentence in the farce of a mission. However, Clarence was as calm and unwavering as ever as he delivered Aurora the details of her mission. While Aurora, on the other hand, was only worried about whether she could “eat till she was full”.

The fate of all Mages was to be born in the throes of desire, pain, and suffering; and also, to fall into the spiral of madness and depravity.

It was then that Clarence breathed a light sigh.

Clarence: Do you hate me, Aurora?

Clarence actually asked another about their thoughts on him? I’d long since thought that he’d forgo how others saw him, given his personality...

Aurora wore a blank look of utter confusion. She looked up at Clarence, unable to come up with an answer even after thinking for a good long while.

Clarence: I am the Master of the Mage Tower. I should be the one guiding and protecting all of you Mages.

Clarence: However, you are all nought but tools to me. I use you, I sacrifice you… I watch you all die, one-by-one… Yet, I do not bat an eye.

Clarence: It would only make sense if you were to hate me for what I did.

With how he was bemoaning with lament at this point, rather than talking to Aurora about it, it might as well just be him, criticizing himself with his own monologue.

He was blaming himself for being as icy and closed-off as he was.

— Does this mean that somewhere deep down in that heart of his… Clarence has a heart that feels for all the Mages under him?

Aurora: Hate…? You mean, not liking you? Aurora doesn't dislike you, Master Clarence~

Aurora: Aurora doesn't like being hungry. Aurora has always been hungry before meeting you.

Aurora: Aurora cried back home and kicked up a fuss, asking dad for food. Dad took Aurora and dumped Aurora by the river, picking up many hard pieces of bread to eat.

Aurora: Aurora doesn’t like hard bread, but Aurora was just so hungry… So, Aurora ate them all down anyway.

⊹ ˚✩ ━━━━━━━ ∘◦ ✥ ◦∘ ━━━━━━━ ✩˚ ⊹

… I could guess what the “hard bread” she was talking about really was. I’d heard of a distant legend about the olden times, where the poor would feed their offspring stones in place of food during times of famine...

The children who ate stones will die, but at least that would save some food for the rest of the family.

⊹ ˚✩ ━━━━━━━ ∘◦ ✥ ◦∘ ━━━━━━━ ✩˚ ⊹

Aurora: Aurora always got a tummy ache whenever Aurora eats the hard bread, but Master Clarence gave Aurora medicine to drink. It was bitter, but Aurora’s stomach no longer hurt after drinking it.

Clarence: I’m not doing a good deed. Your strong desire for food, “gluttony”, was what drew me in. I merely thought that you had the potential to become a Mage.

Clarence: I took you under my wing, taking you to the Mage Tower. I offered you all the delicacies that Yemsaiel has to offer. Yet, at the same time, I required you to devour Ice Butterflies. Your stomach still hurts all the same.

Aurora tilted her head in thought. She patted the sides of her head, seemingly trying to make sense of what Clarence was trying to say...

After a while, Aurora started sucking on her thumb in thought, apparently none the wiser.

Aurora: Err… I still have stomach aches, but I can’t blame you for that, Master Clarence. You’re a Mage… not someone who treats bad tummies...

Aurora: I heard that you’d get a stomach ache from eating too much, and I can’t stop myself from eating… So, I think it’s pretty normal for me to be getting tummy aches...

Aurora: So be it then! I like to eat! And I’m super happy when I’m eating! You let me eat all I want, Master Clarence! Of course, I like you!!

Clarence: ……

Clarence stays silent for a while before sighing gently.

As pure and innocent as Aurora was, there was nothing Clarence could say to make her understand the truth.

It was probably only because of her naive earnestness as a young girl that allowed her to concentrate as much as she did on her Magic, hence the reason why she was able to attain the rank of one of the “Nine Seats” at such a young age.

Suddenly, Aurora jumped in front of Clarence and patted his face.

Aurora: Stop pulling such a long face, Master Clarence...

Aurora: The Mage Tower is very noisy. There are always people yelling and crying, but everyone also has times where they smile. Only you, Master Clarence. You've never smiled.

Aurora: Aurora smiles when Aurora's full, and the others smile when their wish is fulfilled.

Aurora: Aurora is thinking that Master Clarence's wish hasn't been fulfilled yet. Aurora hopes that it'll be fulfilled soon~

Aurora: Although, even if Aurora might already be asleep by then… Aurora will still be happy! Just like when Aurora has a full stomach!

Hearing Aurora's words, the realization finally dawned on me that she never truly understood anything. She was as clueless as they came.

Clarence paused for a moment before reaching out, caressing her hair and touching her face.

Clarence: How cold… The skin of all Mages is always cold to the touch. I apologise for making you turn out like this.

Clarence: I create all of you, let all of you grow and indulge in all of your desires. And in part, I've also made all of you the very thing feared and hated by the world.

Clarence: But at the same time, I'm also aware that all of you are the true victims, the true sacrifices, of this world.

Clarence: I am incapable of saving you all. But not letting your sacrifices be in vain is the least I can do.

After that, Clarence's lips parted slightly into a faint chuckle.

Clarence, he… he's really laughing…

Aurora was elated, skipping in front of Clarence and jumping up to pull his cheeks upwards.

Aurora: He’s laughing… This is the first time I’ve seen Master Clarence laugh!

Actually squishing Clarence’s face like that… Only Aurora would ever dare to do such a thing…

Clarence wasn’t mad, only maintaining his smile.

Clarence: Aurora. I treat all the Mages here in this Mage Tower as my pawns, with no emotional attachment whatsoever. But that is only because I do not want anyone to influence my emotions, and the decisions I make.

Clarence: — But that doesn’t mean that all the time I’ve spent with all of you is meaningless to me. I do not regret the time I spent with any of you.

⊹ ˚✩ ━━━━━━━ ∘◦ ✥Chapter of Legacy✥ ◦∘ ━━━━━━━ ✩˚ ⊹

Previous Part: (Chapter 16-1) | Next Part: (Chapter 16-3)

#时空中的绘旅人 #For All Time #Otome #Translations #Netease #司岚 #Si Lan #Clarence #传承之章 #鳥海浩輔 #toriumi kousuke #Toriumi Kohsuke #Chapter of Legacy

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awritingtree · 4 years

Text

A Chance

Draco Malfoy x reader

Summary: Draco left Y/N heartbroken, absolutely crushed it. So what does she do when he shows up at her doorstep, five years past since the last time she saw him? Will she find it in her heart to forgive him?

@fic-writer-heaven‘s October Event writing challenge: Angst prompt 10. “One of the cruelest things you can do to another person is pretend to care more about them than you really do.” and fluff prompt 5. “You are my heart, my life, my one and only thought.” The prompts have been bolded :) I had loads of fun writing this.

Words: ~2.3k

Warnings: angst, a bit of fluff. Comment please if you think there are any other warnings to be added :)

A/N: DID SOMEONE SAY DRACO MALFOY? Hehe xD I was really going to debating on whether to have a sad or happy ending. But then I remembered my plans for another Draco fic and I thought that our boy deserved a bit of happiness :) I hope you like this xx

⭑*•̩̩͙⊱••••✩••••̩̩͙⊰•*⭑

You never thought you’d see him again. But yet here he was, standing on your front porch. He looked different, a bit older of course; it had been five years since the Battle of Hogwarts. His white blond hair was shorter than you remembered. He wore black jeans, and a black peacoat over a green Slytherin jumper. He had gained a bit of weight; no longer sickly thin and pale. His grey eyes seemed brighter, happier. You couldn’t deny that he had aged well. He looked handsome; he always did look handsome. Nobody could deny it, especially not you.

“H- hi,” he stuttered.

You stared at him, your e/c eyes not wavering from his form.

Draco cleared his throat, “Can we talk?” He paused before adding a “please.”

“You weren’t so willing to talk last time.”

⭑*•̩̩͙⊱••••✩••••̩̩͙⊰•*⭑

“One of the cruelest things you can do to another person is to pretend to care more about them than you really do.”

Your mother had told you this at a young age. At the time you had disagreed. Surely it was better to have someone pretend to care rather than have no one at all? You never really understood how wrong you had been until this precise moment where you stood in front of the boy that broke your heart, balancing tears, willing them not to fall.

“We can work this out, Draco. Talk to me, please.”

“I have nothing to say to you, Y/N,” said Draco coldly.

“There has to be something I can do. I can fix it, whatever it is, please. Just give me a chance. I can’t lose you,” you begged. You sounded desperate but you didn’t care. You loved Draco; you have since you were in your 4th year.

“You don’t get it, do you? I don’t care about you.”

You shook your head in denial, “That’s not true.”

“I never cared about you,” Draco spoke as if explaining something to a child. “You were nothing but something to pass my time with, something to experience.”

You felt your heart drop to the bottom of your stomach at his words. That couldn’t be true. He had to be lying.

“You’re lying. I know you are. You have to be,” you pressed on, hoping to break him out of whatever- out of what? You didn’t know. But you knew Draco, this was not your Draco.

“Listen to me. I have never loved you, I never will. I pretended to because I was merely bored. Did you really think I’d love a filthy half-blood like you?” he sneered.

You couldn’t hold back the tears any longer; they fell, streaming down your face. It did nothing to falter Draco. His cold, empty eyes glared at you. That’s when you realized the Draco you knew and loved, who swore to hurt anyone who ever made you cry back in 5th year, was gone. Replaced by the cold monster staring down at you.

You took a deep breath and stepped away from the love of your life. You walked away from him, suppressing your sobs. You refused to show him how much he affected you.

That day you promised yourself that no one would ever have the opportunity to break your heart again, like Draco Malfoy did.

⭑*•̩̩͙⊱••••✩••••̩̩͙⊰•*⭑

“I know,” Draco mumbled shamefully.

Draco raked his brain for a way to get you to listen to him. He didn’t know what to do or say that’d convince you to hear him out. “I can’t take back what I’ve done but please just give me a chance to explain, to set things straight. If after that you don’t want to talk to me or see me, I swear you’ll never see or hear from me again.”

You stared at the man in front of you. He looked desperate, probably as desperate as you had that unfortunate day when everything changed for you. Knowing you would somehow come to regret this, you sighed and moved aside, widening the entrance to invite him in.

Draco sighed in relief. He didn’t know what he would have done if you hadn’t agreed. He followed you down a hall. The walls were decorated with so many pictures; pictures of you alone, with your friends from back in Hogwarts and recently, pictures with and of your family. He noticed there were no pictures with anyone that looked like a partner which gave him a bit of hope.

You led him into the kitchen and put a kettle on to boil. Draco looked around smiling, this is exactly what he would’ve imagined your house and kitchen to look like. There were a few plants - no doubt some herbs - growing near the windowsill. Everything was organized in the wooden and glass cupboards, the white marble countertop spotless except for a few fruits in a basket. Handing him a cup of peppermint tea, you sat down at the small table in the corner of the kitchen. Taking a sip from your cup of lemon ginger tea, you watched him hang his coat on the back of the chair before taking a seat across from you. You continued to watch him for a while. When he asked you for a chance to explain, you expected there to be more, well, talking. But it seemed as though he was pretty content sitting there in your kitchen, drinking your tea in silence. You internally rolled your eyes, already frustrated.

Draco took a sip of his hot peppermint tea and sighed, pleased with the warmth that spread through his body. He knew you were waiting for him to say something, but he didn’t know where to begin. Every time he believed he’d found a way to start the conversation, his mind would chastise him.

“Well get to it, won’t you?” you said irritated, finally getting tired of waiting for him to say anything. Draco pursed his lips together and decided to just wing it.

“I didn’t know what else to do. The times were getting darker, my father was in Azkaban and with the pressure on me. You were not safe around me; you were not safe around a Death Eater. I was scared; for you and for myself. If any of them found out about us,” he squeezed his eyes shut, attempting to get rid of the horrid images his mind was coming up with. His hands gripping the cup of tea so tightly, he was surprised it didn’t shatter. “I don’t know what they would’ve done to you. I didn’t want to find out.”

“Did you ever think maybe I didn’t care what could’ve happened to me? I would’ve gone to all lengths for you, Draco.”

“I didn’t want you to,” he shook his head lightly. “I couldn’t let you sacrifice everything for me. I couldn’t be selfish, not when it had to do with you. I had to protect you in the only way I knew how. You are my heart, my life, my one and only thought. I love you, Y/N. I always have, I always will.”

Even though you hadn’t and don’t agree with what he’d done, you could understand where he was coming. He was doing what he thought was best for you.

“I love you too,” you replied quietly, flustered by his last words. Draco beamed; maybe there really was hope after all.

“I want to forgive you, Draco. I really do. But what you did, what you said,” you trailed off, taking a moment to gather yourself and your words.

“You hurt me, Draco. What you said, no matter the reason, I can’t just forget it because of an apology. I can’t do that to myself again. I won’t.” You felt proud of yourself for being able to resist him. Though, you knew that it wouldn’t be long before you gave in.

Draco moved forward, reached out and took your hand in both of his and brought it close to him.

“I know what I did was wrong. There were other ways to handle the situation, instead I acted like an arse. But please, Y/N,” he pleaded as he placed a small kiss on your knuckles. “Just give me a chance. I will spend however long it takes to make this right, to make us right. I will do whatever it takes, just tell me what I can do.”

You couldn’t lie, you were a bit shocked. You never thought you’d see the day that the Draco Malfoy would be in your house, in your kitchen, begging and pleading with you to give him another chance because he was wrong.

After that unfortunate day, you’d thrown yourself into work. Excelling at every subject, making head girl in your 7th year when you returned to Hogwarts after the war. You were a Y/H and you would be damned if you let anyone, least of all a boy, get in the way of your education and goals. You graduated top of the class, went out into the real world and built a good name for yourself. All the hard work had paid off; everyone believed you had the potential become one of the best healers the wizarding community had ever seen, once you completed your training.

You’d promised yourself that no one would have the opportunity to break your heart again. But as you gazed at the man in front of you. You felt your resolve break. The clear desperation and tears welling up in his eyes tugging at your heartstrings. You knew you’d break the promise made to yourself almost seven years ago, over and over again for the man in front of you.

Draco could see the hurt he’d caused you years ago swimming in your eyes. He made a promise to himself at that moment, he’d do whatever it took and however long it’d take for that hurt to go away. And maybe, hopefully, it’d be replaced by something else, something more if it all worked out in the end.

You sighed, hating yourself for giving in so easily.

“Alright. I will give you a chance to make this right, but you have to earn the forgiveness,” you said softly. “Don’t make me regret this, Draco. Show me you deserve to be forgiven.”

Draco nodded, a wide smile taking over his face. Even after all these years, it knocked the breath out of you. You’d always loved his smile; it had been one of your favourite things about him.

“Thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you,” Draco said, placing butterfly kisses on your knuckles, overcome with a type of happiness he hadn’t felt in a long time, not since he made you walk away that unfortunate day seven years ago. “I promise you won’t regret this.”

‘I really hope so,’ you thought.

Draco let go off your hand, sitting back down, thanking Merlin that you had such a forgiving heart. If it was him in your position, he wouldn’t’ve let you in the house. Honestly, he would’ve slammed the front door on your face. For a moment back there, he thought you were going to.

But you didn’t. Of course, you didn’t. Because even after years, even after all that he put you through, somehow, you still loved him. You hated yourself for it. But one can’t help who they love; you can’t control who you fall in love with.

You both stared at each other, a new energy that wasn’t there before, when you opened the door today thinking it’d be Ron or Luna dropping by.

“Can I kiss you?” Draco whispered nervously. Was he overstepping? ‘Salazar, I shouldn’t have said anything. I should just be grateful that she’s giving me another chance,’ he thought, berating himself.

You hesitated for a bit. Did you want him to kiss you? Did you want to kiss him? ‘Of course, you do,’ you mentally scoffed at yourself.

You nodded timidly, looking down at the table. You heard the chair scrape against the floor as he stood up.

Draco made his way towards you, sweating with nerves. He took a deep breath trying to calm himself down. He leaned down on his knees beside you, lifting a shaky hand to the side of your face, bringing you to face him. He scanned your face, looking into your eyes, for any hesitation that would tell him he needed to back off. But he didn’t find any. He softly caressed your cheek with his thumb, gazing at you in awe. He thought you were the most beautiful thing in the world.

Draco slowly leaned in, his lips brushing against yours giving you a chance to pull back. When you didn’t, he pressed his lips against yours, relishing in the feeling that spread through his entire being. Your lips moved softly against his as your hands wrapped themselves around his neck, playing with the chain that lay under his jumper. Draco moved his other hand to the back of your neck winding up in your hair, pulling you closer to him. The kiss was gentle and tender, both of you savouring the feeling of the other in their arms after all these years.

You slowly pulled away when the need for oxygen became too great to ignore. But before you could put some distance between the two of you, Draco pulled you into a sudden hug. His arms wrapped around your waist, burying his face into your hair whilst your face buried itself into the crook of his neck.

Draco felt a small smile spread across your face against his skin.

‘Maybe it’ll all be okay,’ he thought.

⭑*•̩̩͙⊱••••✩••••̩̩͙⊰•*⭑

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honeycashmere · 4 years

Text

Love On The Brain

Warnings: Smut, face fucking, a little rough, angsty, a little possessive side to Chris

Summary: You ever been in a relationship where both you and your boyfriend have an attitude but love each other like crazy and sort of break up almost all the time only to make up all the time with some freaky sex? Yeah me too. Chris breaks up with unnamed ofc, a young feisty women. Her mind debates as she thinks of the time she was better on her own. After a stormy confrontation at her house she realizes a couple things...

Note: I posted this on my AO3 acct (@ goodonesgo) on August 14, 2017

It has been eight months since Chris broke up with me and within those eight months I found out, he began dating some no-name actress he was working with. He said it was because I was “too busy” and that going the distance would be “too hard right now” … Really? Real love is about sacrifices. I had to stand my ground which I’m sure no one he’s ever dated has done. I had to stand up for myself but I slightly bashed him in the process. Stating that I didn’t want to take a five month break to not do anything with my career like him. Yup I threw the shade. I mean I was a savage, not trying to be degrading just simply stating the facts. I was Miss Petty but what did he expect? I could’ve said worse. What little I said was enough to infuriated him. We knew how to push each other’s buttons when we wanted to.

Not only that but he knew what he was getting himself into. I’m working hard so hard right now to have stable future and to take care of my family for life. Money doesn’t just grow on trees. I mean, they do but they go through a lot to get into my pocket. I couldn’t stop my life and jump whenever he said jump. I know what you’re thinking, I sound like those crazy ambitious women who wear the balls in the relationship but that’s not the case at all. Yes it’s true, I want a long lasting career but in a relationship I want to take the back seat. I want to be taken care of because I spend a lot of time taking care of everyone in my life. Chris had brought so much happiness into my life and some stress when we broke up. I wish he was just more understanding. Maybe it was our age difference.

Every time I try to convince myself that I am not better on my own. That maybe just maybe I really do need someone to rely on, the world shows me something. Whether it was an ex friend’s true colors or another loser I had fallen for. The universe gives me signs. I’m better on my own. It was all unfair. Because if he were in my shoes and our relationship had to take the back seat so he could achieve his goals and dreams than I would of supported it. Instead he dumped me and within four months started dating his co-star on a new movie.

I had just finished a movie and headed home to my little place in LA. I was going to hang out with friends and possibly have a spa day tomorrow. After having to fly for over six hours, all I wanted was a pizza and a Netflix binge. It was 2 o’clock in the afternoon and I was already in my oversized t-shirt and shorts. I couldn’t be happier though. Sounds lame right? Honestly it is going to be the perfect Saturday evening with no interrupt-

Brrrp Brrrp

Shit. I forgot to turn off my phone. I quickly glanced down and saw his name. I feel myself freeze. We haven’t talked in months. What does he want?

Hey can we talk? Heard you were in town. This was 20 minutes ago.

The last text message said: I’m outside. 2 minutes ago.

I can’t believe this mother- I look out my window to see his car in my drive way. I went to open my door and muttered, “What the fuck?” as I saw Chris get out of his car. I stood in front of my door way, definitely dressed incorrectly to entertain a uninvited guest. “What do you want?” “No hello?” he brushed the back of his head with his finger tips looking timid as ever but then noticed my outfit or lack there of. He started looking me up and down.

(Just imagine Chris showing up to your house looking like THIS.)

“Hello. What do you want?” I repeated, this time trying not to sound too brash. He stood there tall, his hands tucked into his jean pockets, the fabric of his shirt tightened in right places, making his muscles visible even hidden under… Shit. I need to stop. “I just wanted to talk to you. It will be short,” he said probably trying to reassure my already suspicious thoughts. “Can I come inside?”

“Hmm short talks don’t usually mean an invitation inside someone’s house.” I couldn’t stop myself. I was always a smart ass which is why Chris liked me in the first place. I broke face. I slightly laughed after my own comment, letting him know it was kind of okay to come into my house. I’ll probably regret it later.

“I thought you hated me,” he said, taking a look around my house. “I’m just trying to be polite. Now tell me why you came here.”

Chris paused as he looked at a picture sitting on my bookshelf causing him to sigh. It was a picture of us and his family at Disney World. He stayed silent, looking at our photo. Probably remember the story behind it, filling his mind with nostalgia. Which he loved by the way. I interrupted his thoughts by casually saying, “I haven’t been home in months. I didn’t take anything down yet.”

He turned his head and looked at me. “That’s actually why I wanted to see you, I wanted to talk to you about everything. Life has been crazy.” I felt like I knew where this was heading. I couldn’t let him charm me. “You can’t do this,” I said crossing my arms. “You can’t end it the way you ended it and expect me to be your shoulder to lean on. We can’t be friends.” By the look on Chris’s face I could tell he was offended. “That’s kind of harsh.”

“Breaking up with me and dating someone you worked very closely with… Someone you told me ‘not to worry about’… is kind of harsh.” I knew that had to hurt a pinch if not a slap but it was the truth. When I found out… I couldn’t believe it. All my friends tried to convince me it was a ‘rebound’ girl but I knew better… He stared at me in disbelief that I went there. “Sooooo we can’t be friends?” His voice went up in protest.

“No, we can’t,” I said firmly. I began walking towards the front door. I was ready to open it and hopefully get him out of my house. Chris took a deep breath trying to calm his frustration with me. “After everything we’ve been through… I wanted to say I’m sorry. I made a mistake... We broke up already.” “I don’t see how that changes anything.” What does he expect me to do? Just pretend this didn’t happen?

“She isn’t you.”

I visibly roll my eyes at him. Did he really just- I can’t. Did he really just say that? My annoyance grew. I could feel the heat of my frustration grow within me. “Yeah okay but you did what you did, and it doesn’t change anything.” “Can’t you forgive me?!” Chris asked genuinely.

“It’s not that easy.” I can hear the sudden raise in my voice. I tried to calm it. I took a deep breathe and reached for my next word. "You made me feel really bad... for being driven. You know that’s who I am. I want a successful career before a family. I’m young and you made me feel bad for wanting what I want. Then you dated that bitch.”

“Yeah and you made me feel bad for wanting to spend time with my family and taking a break.” He returned the attitude.

There was a moment of silence. I mustered up the courage and walked towards him. “It’s over, I don’t even know why you’re still here. This doesn’t change the fact that you broke us up.” I whispered. I felt both of his hands grip my arms firmly. “But I want to fix this. I want this. I should of been more understanding. You were right, you told me from the beginning what you wanted and I stupidly thought otherwise.”

He reached for the back of my neck pulling me into his kiss. I gasp and try to fight it but I can feel myself wanting his lips against mine. A feeling of passion I missed. The smell of his cologne, his firm muscular body, even the touch of the fabric on his shirt made me want this all back. My body began relaxing, getting familiar with his again. The heat coming off our bodies. Come on, stop. I hear my internal voice say. I forced myself to pull away from his strong grip.

“You can’t do this,” my voice cracks. Oh god. I really didn’t mean to sound so vulnerable.

“I only love you,” he said.

I looked away from his gaze. I knew I still wanted Chris. What I didn’t know is if I’d be able to take him back that easily. But he left me high from one kiss, like inhaling the first puff of thick smoke. “I don’t know what you do to me,” I say desperately.

Within a second I was pulled into him by his strong arms again. He rested his forehead against mine, breathing me in, and holding me so tightly I couldn’t even push him away if I tried. I looked up, staring at those blue eyes that usually hid when he was hurt but they were as visible as ever.

“Please,” he whispered. I should of said “leave” or “go“ but all I could get out was, “Fuck.” His lips crashed into mine and my body was lifted into his arms. He carried me from my living room to my bedroom, it all felt so familiar to me. Chris laid me on to my bed, quickly climbing on top of me.

“You’re mine.” He face turns into a determined expression with a small smirk creeping.

“Wow,” I rolled my eyes and laughed at him only making him chuckle. His hand pulled away my shirt, throwing the fabric on to the floor, exposing my skin. He started running his fingers up my side which made me tingle surprisingly.

“You think I’m kidding?” He smirked, his voice became low. “You belong to me.”

I couldn’t help but grin. He did charm me again with his delicious determination. “Then fucking prove it,” I said.

Chris kept that smirk on his face, scooting lower, pulling my bottoms off so more skin would be exposed. He kissed my thigh. I felt his finger hooked my panties, pulling them off of me quickly. The urgency to feel his touch was overwhelming. I lifted myself up using my elbows to watch what he would do next. One hand caressed up my body towards my mouth. He let two of his fingers slip into my mouth, letting me suck and lick them. Moistening them as began kissing my other thigh.

Chris slightly caressed my opening before slipping his two wet fingers inside of me. He didn’t even wait for my to response, they were fully inside of me and I gasped at the feeling. I couldn’t even remember the last time we've touched. He moved his face closer to my clit. I could feel the heat from his breath on my skin. How I wanted him to fuck me soon… instead his tongue found it’s way to my clit causing me to let out a moan.

I tilt my head back enjoying the pleasure he was giving me. How I wanted him to leave, how I wanted him to stay. He knew what to do to drive me crazy… He worked fingers in and out of me. I could tell from his sensual movements that he was determined to make me cum. I felt another finger find it’s way inside me and I looked up at him in shock. I was enjoying the stretch. I orgasmed so fast. Panting, moaning uncontrollably, and then I laid there flat enjoying my endorphins as I was wildly aroused awaiting his next step. I watched him quickly remove his clothes. Chris came up to my face hovering over me with a satisfied boyish smirk. He gave me a quick kiss too.

My orgasm was so good I was ready to please him as well. “I want you to fuck my face.” His eye widen at his smirk got bigger. “And then I want you to fuck me.”

Chris eagerly stood on my bed as I sat up on my knees. His cock was already erect. Right in front of me. I look up at him smiling giving his head a lick before taking him in my mouth. I felt his hands already on my head guiding me before he started thrusting into my mouth. His pace was steady and my mouth became messy. All my moisture coating his cock as he fucked my face and some of it dripped out of my mouth. He would stop sometimes only to let me catch my breath but I was ready. I was ready to be fucked. I grab his hands from my head, moving them away as I laid on the bed on my stomach, turning my head to look up at him. I arched my back a little, letting my ass stick up a bit.

Chris came down, grabbing my cheeks and massaging them with his strong hands even giving them a kiss. “God I’ve missed this. Your ass is so beautiful,” he gazed at it before giving it a nice slap causing me grin because I loved the mixture of pleasure and a little pain. Het got behind me, rubbing the tip against my entrance before sliding into me where we both moaned experiencing our mutual pleasure. I keep my eyes on Chris as he begins thrusting deeply in and out of me. His lips pressed against my shoulder. He steadied his breathing making sure as he thrusted in and out of me that I really felt him. My body almost forgot how good his cock felt. It would even feel more incredible if I was on top of him.

“Get off,” I said. Chris looked confused but did as so. “Lay down baby.” He complied liking my change in mood. I give him a kiss before getting on him reverse cowgirl style. I knew he would enjoy the view since his hands touched my ass as soon as I slid down on him. I began grinding on him really letting his hard cock hit me in the right spot. From the feeling of Chris’s hands gripping my skin to his pleasurable groans I could tell he was enjoying it too. I throw my head back really riding him, taking my time to build my orgasm. God it felt so good. I could feel Chris’s hands slap my ass cheeks again. I knew he was close and being patient with me. Enjoying the work I was putting in until I felt him sit up, grabbing me on top of him. My back to his chest, my legs spread and his legs bent. He began thrusting into me, his fingers finding their way to my clit as he began to rub but he gets impulsive again. He changes the script and flips me over so I’m on my stomach. He pulls me up so my back is arched and our bodies reconnect as he starts thrusting harder into me. My hands grip the sheets, my mouth bites the pillow as I’m being fucked roughly by him. One of his hands pushed my head into the pillow with the grip of my hair and the other hand wondered my body. I feel him reach for my clit wanting to make sure I cam before him and when I did I screamed in orgasmic bliss. I laid completely flat, ready to pass out in that moment but Chris wasn’t quit done.

I look back at him, completely flustered with a happy grin. I could see in his eyes his concentration and steady pace. His chest was pounding and turning red. His body was glistening from sweat, his muscles were looking so… tight. I felt myself more turned on than before. “Fuck me harder. I want to feel you cum.”

Chris made eyes at me. Smirking at my directions but he did so. He. Fucked. Me. So. Hard. Thrusting into me as if he were going to physically nail me to the bed. I felt his cock reach so deeply inside of me and out of me a hundred times causing me whimper. He gripped my hair a little tighter with his last few thrust as he came. He immediately fell next to me on the bed and laid there in silence for a while as we caught out breaths.

“I’m so fucked,” I said. “What’s wrong?” “No, I’ve been sooooo fucked,” I said while attempting to get up. I wanted to clean myself up and probably take a shower but Chris bursts out laughing and pulled me into his chest. He kept me there tightly which was probably a good thing cause I start to feel how sore I was going to be in the morning. “Does this count as break up sex?” I wanted to know.

“No, because we aren’t breaking up this time,” he said. “Whoa, you think it’ll be that easy?” I looked up at him amused. “Well your heart is connected to mine,” Chris said with the most satisfied silly grin. “Oh cornball. Don’t think it’ll be that easy. You think one good fuck is enough?” Chris chuckled. “How about a few more fucks then?” He pulled my face closer to him, giving me the most passionate kiss. It was all so easy for me to fall for him again within a matter of moments. “Who’s gonna fuck you like me?” I gasped, slapping his chest. Who does he think he is?

“Oh by the way, people don’t belong to me,” I said running my hands over his arm. My fingertips feeling the veins that ran up his arms. “I don’t care. You’re mine. That ass... is mine.” I burst out laughing, grabbing the pillow behind my head to hit him. “Get over yourself.” I tried to hit him more a few times but he gripped his arms around me even tighter.

If there was such a thing called “Dick Whipped” that is what I am.

#chris evans #chris evans smut #chris evans x ofc #chris evans one shot #chris evans fic #chris evans x reader

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anyu-blue · 3 years

Text

I know a big part of it is the sleep deprivation.. again.. but I'm hella depressed.

Like overall I'm.. content? I guess? I have job. = Good. I have place to live. = Good. I have my game(s) I can play anytime I have time/want. = Good. I have appointments to try and get feeling better and keep trying and keep trying when I don't. = Good. I have Kizzy and will probably have him for at least 3 more years, if not longer. = Good. I have contingency plans in place for paying for my surgeries. = Good.

I've got a lot of good right now. And it's not that I'm ungrateful. I am EXTREMELY grateful. Considering my issues I've done extremely well. Even if some of it was on accident.

It's just.. well.. I'm tired, of course. Not sleeping well or much for days on end sucks. Especially because I could have, but people are going to keep living their lives and accidentally waking/keeping me up because they just don't think about my situation 24/7. Or even know it. Or consider it. Because life's too short for that according to, like everyone but me.

I'm sick of course. I've definitely tried the 'I'm doing great/not sick!!' mindset.. and it doesn't work.. cuz stuff HURTS. I don't have the energy to keep pretending either... And I don't think there was really a time I wasn't sick. Not in my whole life.. and It feels impossible to have any hope I'll ever not be physically sick... No matter what or how hard I try. Especially because I'm aging as all people do. Especially being forced to constantly check what I eat because if I don't I can hurt myself/make myself even more sick. Or starve, which hurts me too but is better than the alternatives. Especially being I have to rely on a healthcare system that looks down on what I can afford. Especially because what I can afford is so little. Especially because of our healthcare system being so politically charged people like me with the needs I have (even just replacing bones!!! Hello?! Our STUPID society forgets teeth are BONES and NECESSARY ones at that- but the instant you say teeth people literally don't give two shits, think you're just vain, and 100% brush you off. Even doctors.. and I have cried so hard over this stupid stuff and tried to rally and I'm STILL trying to save my own god damn life. I hate saying that's what I'm doing because I have some of that stupidity in me of thinking vanity... But I'm literally trying to save my forsaken life and be a LOT less miserable, and I feel so hopeless because only the little people who get it actually seem to want to help/be able to push aside that vanity thought and it hurts so badly to ask them to squeeze for me-- thank you if you're reading this and you've reblogged/shared my post. And I cannot thank you enough, and feel I owe you so much if you've donated... Every tiny bit helps. You and I are little people in the sense we don't exactly have $10,000+ to just throw around an have no worries about lol)

I'm.. also lonely? I guess? .. it's probably the best way to describe it. I don't like people all over me. Or really messaging constantly because moods change and People have lives.. but I miss... I want... Stress free interactions. Getting to spend time and go and do things. Not being alone all the time or missing out on everything. Time is meaningless pretty much right now in the sense I've missed all the holidays. 100%. No time spent celebrating or using the time or even seeing people. Im so much a damn adult and yet I still feel like crying whenever my siblings/cousins talk about last halloween because they had so much fun... They spent the day together in matching costumes by themselves at a park. And that's it... I was delirious from sleep deprivation when I saw them for the 5 minutes I did.. and stress because of my ex being the bastard he is to me. And work. So I couldn't join them. And it doesn't bother them in the least. It's such a happy memory for them and I am struggling to let go of the envy. They have so many days they spend together too.. remotely mostly, but they have so much fun. They wake me up alot with their calls.. and get pissed when I'm like hey guys I'm sorry but could you tone it down? I honestly stopped asking lately because they get so pissed and have even been like 'It wasn't me at all!!' even when I can quote what they said back to them and try to find anything and anyone else to blame... My little sister especially is CONSISTENTLY Telling me she has no idea what she even just said so I know it's bullshit it's not her.... And it just hurts. I try so hard. I drug myself to fall asleep almost every single workday now and I hate it. It's not good for you I feel. Says non habit forming but I just. Uck. And I have familiar, soft sound on. And I've shut my cat out. And I've consistently changed my bedding and cleaned and worn masks/covered my eyes, and done everything I can think of to try and make sure I'm going to sleep as long as possible. I don't go to bed and wake up early in the evenings to cook or spend time with them anymore because I'm trying to give myself more sleep. I don't stay up to see my sisters during the day anymore. Because I'm trying to give myself more sleep. I turn everything off (besides what I hope will help with the noise) at noon and try to lay down as soon after noon as I can every day. Anything blue gets covered or turned off. Everything has red light filters too to get rid of the blue.. but I can't seem to get more than a few jagged hours any given day unless it happens to be their early days where they take naps or I end up so exhausted I'm passed out at night when I should be awake so my shifts aren't so hard... So all that adds up to my being alone and lonely as my own damn fault. Because obviously I stopped making the efforts... The thing that hurts most about that is I was the only one making ANY effort at all to include myself in people's lives (still rings true for everyone in my own city at least- family, friends, the works).. and when I HAD to stop and told them why and asked if they'd be willing to meet me sometimes when it was hard for them (even like once a month fully planned out if need be, or spontaneous because I'm NOT picky)... I got yesses. I did. But. Do you think it ever once happened besides the very day we talked about it?

No.

I can and have gone through every single message and note I have (my memory isn't what it was after I got as sick as I did last fall so I try to keep track of everything instead of relying on my memory anymore)... The only person who even slightly tried was only doing so because he wanted every gd opportunity to beg me to sleep with him (pretty much- he wasn't subtle).. and I had to cut him out because he's not a good person in his own right, sadly. Which left me entirely alone in many ways. Which leaves me entirely alone unless I reach out first and sacrifice sleep.

The continuance of this unfortunately has contributed to my depression.. and the fact no one wants to be around cuz I'm a bummer. And the sleep issues have caused irritability I try so hard to control, but at certain stages I just lose my filters and don't want to say stuff or ramble but I also don't want to miss the opportunity with the person (usually one of my sisters) so stuff gets awkward and they don't like being around THAT. And I don't blame them. But I'd do?

Ugh... I know night shift is my fault... And is a major part of the problem... But I work it to avoid People who don't care about me and mine. To keep myself safe. To keep myself from having panic attacks. I'm doing a lot better with them... But I was breaking down so often at or about work it was getting out of hand... With night shift I'm not overwhelmed like that and I don't have to worry do much about my poor mind losing its sharpness as much. I can take my time more or less. And I get paid enough to survive. ....

I'm just depressed and I know it's on me but I wish I had more help than I do..

Wishing is also the problem. Instead of being happy with what I have.

Blargh...

#personal #random #ignore me #life in general #trigger warnings apply #rambling

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youngbugandtonystank · 4 years

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Please write an irondad post about how peter feels about tony!! I feel like the directors make peter’s view of tony more subtle than Tony’s view of peter and it’d be awesome if you could decode it! ;0

Hi!

God, Tom’s words really got me♥

I’m going to use the movies and novelizations for this, especially the Homecoming novelization since I think no one talks about it and I want to point out certain things.

Ok, check this out:

Tony’s POV:

Peter's voice was as exuberant and light as ever, something Tony both secretly admired and feared. This battle would be no place for someone as green and unbroken as Peter Parker.

Tony smiled as Peter stood tall in the center.

"Yeah, that makes sense" Peter said, and Tony's heart broke. Even hanging off the side of a spaceship hurtling into space, seconds from dying, Peter Parker was still just open and trusting as he'd always been.

Peter’s POV:

"What if she’s expecting someone like Tony Stark? I mean, imagine how disappointed she’d be when she sees me."

dorks.

I just wanted to be like you.

And I wanted you to be better.

You know that feeling you get when you admire someone and at the same time, you feel like you can actually understand them? Yeah, this is them. They work like a mirror. This is how Peter feels, just like Tony sees himself in the kid, Peter identifies himself in Tony. Peter and Tony both react the same way when it comes to their relationship. They both think the other is ‘better’ and at the same time, they can understand each other pretty well.

Tony’s POV:

At the same time, Tony knew there was nothing he could do to keep Peter away. Just like Tony, Peter had a code.

Peter’s POV:

Of course, Mr. Stark hadn't believed him. He'd seen right through him.

Peter has stated before that Tony made him feel okay and normal, something he never thought he’d feel again. He knows that if he gets Tony’s approval then he gets to feel that normalcy again. He feels understood.

It was probably the only place in the city where I fit in. You had your overachievers, genius-level-yet-stressed-out-obsessive-compulsives, inventors of the Next Big Thing, all with at least one overblowing backpack, all wiling in to forge new ground and show the world that nerds really would inherit the earth. I was surrounded by students showing off their newest advances in AI technology, “rebels” furiously hacking their way to exposing corruption online, friends discussing string theory, and the probabilities of Stephen Hawking’s multiverse.

This is how Peter thinks of himself, he thinks his school is probably the only place he fits in. I think I mentioned this before in my homecoming analysis but Peter’s need to be an Avenger is because 1. he truly wants to make a difference, 2.he’s bored, he’s a genius kid and school is not doing enough for him anymore and 3. he feels like Tony is the only one that can understand him.

I don’t understand exactly why but some people think Peter is dumb. He can be clumsy sometimes but this kid is a genius and he understands the struggles of having a brain like his.

“Do geniuses know how normal things like backpacks even work?“

“Yes, we are familiar,“ Peter replied with a weak smile. If only she knew...

“Right as always,” Ms. Warren said, her praise causing Flash to stare daggers at me. Whatever.

“Yeah, my parents feel guilty working all the time, you guys would really get along, Peter” Her joke hit a little close to home, and I looked down a little.

He looked from the ship to the other kids on the bus to see if anyone else saw it. Nothing. Just him. As usual.

Peter not only wants the understanding that comes from Tony, but he also wants someone he can relate to. And I’m not talking about money or fame, I’m talking something deeper.

When they were on the plane, Peter criticized Tony’s choice of food as if telling him that what he was eating wasn’t enough to be considered ‘food’ and then proceeded to only have some juice and sleep the rest of the trip because he recklessly pulled an all-nighter. lmao irondad stans you guys are always accurate with your fics.

Also, are you really going to tell me that this is not what a relationship between a father and a son look like?

"I really don't want to sound like my old man here. Look, kid, Just forget the flying man. Stay closer to the ground in Queens, build up your game helping the little people. You know, like the old lady who bought you that churro." That churro. Happy had told him everything. "Look, Tony—uh, Mr. Stark," I started. --

My suit agreed. "It does seem unwise. Trespassers are prosecuted. Or shot' "It's worse than that—if they find me in here, Mr. Stark is gonna kill me!" I started to panic. I had to get out of here! --

"Okay, sorry, Mr. Stark" I sighed. "I know you said to keep a low profile, but I gotta get out" I started banging on the door.

Tony Stark's words echoed in my head: Keep doing what you're doing, saving the little people.... Except these weren't just the little people"—they were my friends. As long as they were safe, everything would be okay. I didn't need to wait for that call to be an Avenger. I was already Spider-Man.

I just love how they unconsciously treated each other like family.

Peter, just like any other teenager, looks for validation from people he admires. In the Homecoming Novelization Peter congratulates himself every time he does something good and loves it when it comes from Tony for the same reasons I listed before.

Finally, we pulled up a safe distance from the apartment, so we didn’t attract too much attention. We sat in some seriously awkward silence for a moment before Mr. Stark finally said something.“Ya did good, kid,”

“I did good? I did good!“

“It’s yours,” Stark replied. “You earned it.” My heart was going a mile a minute. “Awesome!”

Look at them mirroring each other when it comes to them and how they feel.

Peter’s POV

“Yeah, and pretty soon it’s going to lead to a real job with him,” I said, trying to convince both him and myself.

Something really cute about them is that they both are exactly as you guys picture them in fanfics. They don’t say each other’s first name but think of each other that way.

Peter’s POV

“I thought I was gonna freeze up after Tony yelled out ‘Underoos.”

That churro. Happy had told him everything. "Look, Tony—uh, Mr. Stark," I started.

Tony’s POV

Tony had only continued onto the ship because he felt certain that he'd gotten Peter safely out of harm's way.

"Kid! Where'd you come from?" Iron Man asked, his voice sounding a little too relieved and grateful for his taste.

They refuse to call each other by their names even if in IW they already had a more solid relationship than in HOCO, for them it’s ‘Kid’ and ‘Mr. Stark’. They even have other nicknames, as you already know but one of the cutest nicknames is ‘boss man’. Tom Holland calls RDJ that in real life and they used that nickname in the novelization.

When RDJ said this:

The amount of betrayal Stark has had to deal with and what it's like to try and open up to someone new. The actor points out that Peter is young and that treachery comes with age. That his character is more willing to trust Peter because of his age. And how the relationship was established in the previous film when Tony shuts Peter down after he's been hurt. Not a move Tony would've done with most of the other Avengers, expecting them to push through just as he would.

He’s absolutely right, as you can see, they both banter but at the same time Tony opens up to Peter without hesitation.

trust

"So where are you?" I asked, looking around suspiciously. I half expected to see a drone In the sky spying on me.

"India." came the response. "I thought I'd hit up a Hindu temple. Center myself. That sort of thing."

banter

"Thank God this place has WI-Fi or you would have drowned."

"I had a strategy." I did not have a strategy.

'What, to die and fight him in the afterlife?"

Another example of them mirroring each other is in IW. It's been said in the novels that Tony making Peter an Avenger when did was something he considered a big choice and major sacrifice. He truly didn’t want him on the team, not because he thought Peter wasn’t capable, but because he wasn’t ready for Peter to be that. Meanwhile, Peter, who knows Tony is pretty much capable on his own, said he stuck himself to the side of the ship in IW because he thought about Tony.

The same level of protectiveness, same thoughts.

Like a mirror.

Also how cute are Peter’s thoughts about Liz?

Liz walked by with the rest of the Homecoming committee, and the entire world seemed to melt away around her.

“It’s working for her.” I stared at her outfit and agreed that it was definitely working for her. OUR SPIDEY BOI IS FLIRTY AF

She was thinking of me. The warm fuzzies started.

Liz defending Peter from Flash?:

“I can’t believe we’re catering to him. We don’t need this dork.” Good. There was my opening to break it to them that—“As team captain, I disagree,” Liz cut in.

"No way!" he objected. "You can't just quit on us and then turn around and stroll up here and—" "Flash. Liz cut him off, her voice leaving no doubt as to who the captain was.

Liz smiled at me as I took my seat. Don't blush. Don't blush. I blushed and gave a small smile back as I settled in next to Ned for the trip to Washington, DC.

And Peter’s eternal beef with Betty either sharing Ned or with Spider-Man. I love for this friendship lmao

#irondad #spiderson #tony stark #peter parker #mcu #marvel #tom holland #rdj #endg #infinity war #homecoming

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eclectic-aussie · 4 years

Text

Random Thoughts #15

Well damn, that was a heavy episode. I kind of regret stumbling on tumblr before watching the episode because the ending was spoiled but at the same time it gave me time to brace myself for it, though my hearts still sore at the betrayal even if Bellamy thinks it’s like chipping Madi: done for the greater good.

But after seeing the promo for next week I’m also regretting not waiting until all the episodes aired so I could binge watch them BECAUSE GOD DAMN IT, I WANT TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENS NEXT AND I WANT TO KNOW NOW!! Which is only the second time I’ve really felt that way all season, the first after last weeks episode when Clarke came back.

I can’t help but wonder at a few possibilities that might come up; the Conductor accused Bellamy of selfish obsessive love (though honestly I’d say that’s more his girlfriend than him, but not the point) and Bellamy past insecurities and self doubt/loathing makes him blind to the good he’s done (he convinced Madi to spare the prisoners and bring them with them on the Eligius, put the Flame in Madi to try and make a peace treaty with the Eligius which became moot after Murphy accidentally on purpose put McCreary in charge just to name 2)

But what I think may come up is that while the Conductor decided Bellamy’s love is selfish, they’re going to be probing Clarke’s mind against her will (there’s a word for that, and I can’t help but think that’s going to come up later when Bellamy becomes himself again) and they’re going to realise that Clarke loves selflessly to the point where she will sacrifice her life over and over again for others she barely knows. She has taken on the pain and loss, breaking herself over and over again to protect her people. Even Roan mentioned it in season 4 when he and Bellamy were taking the Hydrozene to Raven at Becca’s lab when Bellamy scoffed at Roan for only caring about his people and Roan pointed out that Bellamy was no different and everyone was looking out for themselves (PAUSE) except maybe Clarke.

Some predictions and questions I have after this week’s episode, and seeing the promos, for the fun of it and I want to get them out:

1.Becho will break-up. It’s something I’ve said since last season, but remember a week ago when Echo was going to genocide Bardo in Bellamy’s name? Remember in the promo Echo telling Bellamy he’s ‘lost himself?’ And how Bellamy is now a member of the cult that Echo tried to massacre? You really don’t think Cadogan’s going to give the body count to Bellamy when he asks why they’re locked up? I think we’ll get a scene where Bellamy ends their relationship with Echo maybe even telling her that it took the almost genocide to realise that he had wanted so badly that who she was on the Ring was who she really was, but her actions on Bardo showed she hadn’t really changed and that she still chose to make the same mistakes as before Praimfaya but now for Spacekru instead of Azgeda. Probably ending with Raven telling Echo that it was just the brainwashing and they’ll be back together when he’s better and other things of that nature which are coddling (like how both women are treated in the show. Sorry, couldn’t resist) and unlikely. I think it will probably come after the scene where Bellamy gives Cadogan the picture of his family and he burns it to prove his detachment from personal ties. Then again he’s a sociopath so…

2.Clarke will be tortured in the M-Cap machine. Yes, we all know this will happen because of the promo, and also in the promo is the fact that Clarke is fighting it; evidenced by the black blood streaming down each side of her face as the points dig into her skull. We also know Bellamy is there watching her being tortured and as far as we know doing nothing to stop it besides probably telling her to just co-operate. I know everyone is hoping this will be where Bellamy hears the radio calls, but I don’t think that’s what’s going to happen. Now hear me out: Clarke is in that chair because Cadogan wants all info he can get about the Flame and who might have more info about it, do you really think he’s just going to stand there with his newest recruit, who he believes is the key to controlling Clarke, while her memories of her love of Bellamy possibly work to undo his indoctrination? No, I think Cadogan will use Bellamy to establish a neural link and then when he realises the threat Clarke poses to keeping Bellamy as his disciple, he’ll send him away, possibly to talk to his other friends and try to ‘reason’ with them. I also think this would be a wonderful time to have Clarke relive Echo trying to kill her ‘to avenge Bellamy’ while Raven and Shaw watch and Madi orders her down using a Heda order (not that Cadogan will know that), because it will show a previous ‘kill to avenge Bellamy’ moment that will solidify Bellamy’s belief that his break-up with Echo was the right choice, but it would also work in Cadogan’s favour of ‘selfless love over selfish love’ and the danger of personal attachments, especially if he was looking for her more recent attempt to ‘avenge Bellamy’ and just happened to stumble upon it.He’s nothing if not an opportunist.

Once he’s gone the real torture will begin while Cadogan works to get the info by any means necessary. Cadogan is a narcissistic sociopath, do you really think he’ll take any risk that Clarke will reach Bellamy? I think they’ll damn near liquify her brain and then she’ll be kept apart from her people so they don’t cause a fuss. (possibly next episode) I think then Levitt will find out how hard they pushed Clarke and when he tells Octavia and she begs him to check on her, he finds Clarke in pretty rough shape. When he tells Octavia and brings Bellamy at her request, taking him away from his tour, she then confronts Bellamy who doesn’t believe her. Then Levitt shows him the footage of Clarke being tortured which she tried to resist by remembering the radio calls as a kind of block for anything outside that purview until they push too hard and she falls unconscious. Bellamy sees her being tortured and the calls and the cracks start to deepen and the indoctrination starts to fail. I know a lot of people want Bellamy there while she’s actually tortured, but I honestly don’t think that kind of betrayal of trust and basic human rights can be forgiven (by Clarke or Bellamy forgiving himself cause he’d despise himself if that did happen) and forgotten in 4-5 episodes to the degree it will need to for them to pass the test and end up together (unless they do a ‘6 years later’ where they’re married and 5 year old sibling for Madi with another on the way, but even then). I also think he’ll stay as a ‘faithful disciple’ even as he’s pulled by both sides internally until he has more info either way and will be there when point 5 below happens.

3.Tied to above: is it safe to hook Clarke up to that thing cause like time I checked, in canon it’s only been a week since Clarke was having seizures and almost died from sharing her brain for too long with Josephine which she was warned would lead to neural degradation then death, so can she actually survive the procedure?

4.I would be so happy if they have Jordan do a ‘Monty Green stopping Bellamy, Gaia and Indra in the fighting pits’ call-back by having Jordan burst in while they’re torturing Clarke with the news that Cadogan the narcissist translated the message wrong...which didn’t end so great for Becca when she presented another option other than leaving Earth. Though honestly, I don’t think it would happen next episode, maybe the one after or at least not expanded upon too much while they’re being watched.

5. I think it’s a possibility that when they do break Clarke, the info they get will be so vague that they’ll be flummoxed by it, but Bellamy will know what it means and his final decision will be made. It will just be Madi’s drawings of Clarke as ‘Wanheda’ and the Anomaly stone, my little Nightblood in Trig, and maybe one of two little things that will mean little to the Bardoans out of context and everything to Bellamy. He’d go straight to the others, maybe grabbing Levitt on the way. The other wont trust him because it’s such an about face but Bellamy will tell them about the torture (which Octavia didn’t tell them about to keep them from getting hurt trying to protect her) reminding them that Clarke was not the last person to have the Flame, that Madi was. Raven tentatively admits that Madi had been drawing pictures from her dreams that Gaia and Clarke might be from the Flame. They need to get to Madi first (and even the dead Flame might have some info) before Cadogan gets a chance to and stop Cadogan from torturing Madi like he’s done to Clarke. It’s eventually agreed that Bellamy will distract Cadogan while Levitt and Gabriel get Clarke and the others steal enough uniforms so they can get to Sanctum with their minds intact.

6.So Levitt stopped reading Octavia’s memories during the City of Light, right? And the Conductor was spouting that the Shephard message of ‘selfless love’? Who wants to bet that Cadogan gets more than a little threatened when he starts seeing not only Clarke in the City of Light itself (Imagine them starting with being tortured by her mind controlled mother, then ‘Her friends are her weakness. Start with Bellamy Blake.’, her mother being controlled to hang herself and Clarke not giving in and Bellamy and Murphy bursting in and Clarke becoming a temporary Nightblood and her conversations with Jasper, Becca and ALIE, even if we only see snippets or them mentioning in as an aside to rush it along, it would be heavy hitting under the circumstances), but also the lead-up and aftermath of Praimfaya, and more specifically Clarke’s place in it? The Shephard is revered for ‘saving his people from the fire’, well Bellamy shut the door and took his people to space to save them from Praimfaya while Clarke stayed behind ON THE SURFACE OF THE PLANET in order to align the dish manually to save them. The Shephard conquered the Mountain? Bellamy and Clarke defeated the Mountain who had been kidnapping the Grounder to either use as blood bags or turning them into mindless cannibals, and tortured teenagers to death for their bone marrow even after they said they’d donate it willingly. The Shephard went on a pilgrimage for 3 months with provisions to do the aforementioned conquering of the mountain? Clarke Mother F’ing Griffin survived the 2nd Apocalypse that burnt up 96% of the Earth’s surface and not only did she survive, she managed to find the 4% or at least a large chunk on it and lived there alone with only her adoptive daughter and broken radio for company for 6 YEARS! A lot of Cadogan’s mythos and legend is his own self-aggrandizing and twisting circumstances to fit his narrative of ‘I am the one true Prophet and Saviour who will lead us into the Last War for all Mankind’, Clarke’s is from her own actions, deeds and self-sacrifice.

Because while the Bardoans may are quick to spout out the credence of “the few for the many” how many of them have actually had to back that up? And both Bellamy and Clarke have, on multiple occasions. Remember Clarke and Bellamy’s little chat with Roan before the City of Light? About how ALIE didn’t give a damn what clan you were from, she wanted to get EVERYONE? Octavia knew about it, but Clarke was there when she and Bellamy convinced Roan. And also “Are you really willing to trust that guy with your life?” “No. But you’ll be covering us the entire time, and I trust you.” Not to mention him holding her hand when she got the Flame implanted and him trusting her when she said that taking ALIE’s chip was the right choice.

Huh, the end of season 3 had a heck of Bellarke, didn’t it 😉

7.I think when Cadogan finds out that Clarke has a mind-drive in her head he’s going to be veeery interested in cutting her neck open and becoming the Shephard for all eternity. Am I wrong?

8.I’m calling it now; the final test (given by a manifestation of Becca since she’s connected to all of them and the Anomaly stone) will be between Bellamy and Clarke, Cadogan and Sheidheda. It will be straight forward and/or easy to cheat until there is trick situation where their actions, not their words, show their true beliefs and goals. Maybe showing someone they loved in the past or present (Callie and Reese, whoever Sheidheda may care for, Clarke or Bellamy being trapped and there only being time to save the other or to ‘win’)

#the 100 #Season 7 Speculation #Bellamy Blake #Clarke Griffin #Bellarke #Soulmates Worth Fighting For #Possible season 7 spoilers

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avaantares · 4 years

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Imma rant for a minute. (This is me being critical of a thing, so if you’re eschewing negativity right now, feel free to scroll on past.) :)

Sooooo I took a break from replaying FFVII:R tonight (last night, by the time this posts) to watch the stream of Andrew Lloyd Webber’s Love Never Dies, a show I already knew to be terrible (but hey, you can't argue with free musicals, right?). Long before the musical opened, I’d read The Phantom of Manhattan, the book it’s based on, and that was... like... Hmm. Think of a bad fanfiction you've read. I mean a really bad one, one that gets every single character wrong, has the stupidest of stupid fiction tropes, includes ridiculously contrived scenarios to kill off characters and weird medical "science" and historical inaccuracies and a totally implausible plot, all mashed together just to reinforce someone's OTP which was kind of an unhealthy relationship to begin with and got considerably more unhealthy in this story, AND it includes a lengthy author’s note in which the writer bashes the author of the original work his story is based on and explains everything that author did wrong and how it should have been written, using examples from the fic writer’s own work to demonstrate.*

Then picture that as a $24.99 hardback.

So I knew the general story already, and I'd seen a couple of clips from the stage show, and from what I remembered it was all pretty forgettable. But like I said, free to watch, right? Nothing to lose but a couple of hours.

Oh. My. Goodness. I was not prepared for the full experience. It's like Phantom of the Opera and Cats had a (secret) baby that got shoved in a blender with all of circa-2004 Fanfiction.net and then pasted back together by a YA fiction editor’s intern. Despite a truly exceptional cast and some strong visual and set design, it wavered between cringe-y and I’m-going-to-hurt-myself-laughing levels of bad.

Mind you, it’s still better than the book, in which (SPOILER ALERT if anyone cares, which you probably don’t because if you’re the type of fan who would, you’ve probably already seen the show) Christine’s son is not the byproduct of a willing affair she had with Erik after she became disillusioned with her marriage, but was conceived after he kidnapped her at the Opera House, and... let’s just say consent was dubious, at best. (IIRC she was “half swooning” and not entirely aware of what was happening.) Also there’s some nonsense about Raoul being impotent from a war wound and never having consummated their marriage... But broadly speaking, the story is the same as the musical -- by which I mean it completely negates everything good and symbolic and meaningful about ALW’s Phantom of the Opera, to which the book was as much a sequel as it was to the original Gaston Leroux novella.

Love Never Dies fails as a sequel for a number of reasons: Every character you liked in the original? Assassinated. Raoul, who was willing to sacrifice his life for Christine in POTO, is now an abusive, alcoholic wastrel who has gambled his family into crippling debt. Christine cheats on her husband with a guy who has made a habit of kidnapping and threatening her, and who has actually murdered a number of people. Meg, Christine’s dearest friend and confidante, is now a washed-up burlesque dancer who -- again, SPOILER ALERT -- tries to kill first Christine’s son, then herself, then finally succeeds in killing Christine. The broadest take-home message of POTO, that kindness and love can heal even the deepest wounds, is undercut by these dramatic character reversals. Even the show’s title anthem “Love Never Dies” is contradicted by the love triangle at the center of the plot. Maybe love never dies, but that doesn’t stop Christine from cheating on her husband, Raoul from walking out on his wife and son, Erik from threatening to kill Christine’s child if she doesn’t do what he wants, Meg from betraying and murdering her best friend... yeah, let’s not take relationship advice from this group.

But beyond that, LND is just bad structurally. The Phantom’s opening number builds up to be a “Music of the Night”-style anthem -- a dubious choice, since it makes everything he sings for the next half an act feel flat by comparison. Then we go into a surreal Coney Island segment for a while, then a bunch of really awkward dialogue exposition gets crammed in, and then twenty minutes into the show we finally meet Christine and her family, which kicks off the actual plot. The pacing is uneven. The tone is all over the map, too, bouncing between Phantom-like operatic ballads and Jesus Christ Superstar-esque carnival rock numbers. (All of which, I have to say, the Melbourne cast knocked out of the park. The vocal performances were definitely not a weak spot in this production.)

While I really like a lot of Andrew Lloyd Webber's stuff -- I've seen a number of his shows on stage, some of them three or four times -- his titles seem to be hit-or-miss. For every Phantom, there's a Whistle Down the Wind. Some of that isn't his fault; a mediocre lyricist or book writer can do a lot of damage, even with good music. This musical had two lyricists and four writers, and it shows. But IMO, this is also not Lloyd Webber’s best work. Apart from the title song, which I’ve heard often enough to know it outside of the show, I can recall the melodies of... two songs? The score isn’t bad, it’s just not as instantly memorable as Sunset Boulevard or Joseph or Phantom. And a weak story plus average music doesn’t equal a great show.

I’m sure I’ve complained more than anyone cares to read, but I have one final rant about something that caused me to startle my dog by making some very screechy noises: When Christine arrives by ship, the Phantom sends a horseless carriage to pick her up at the pier. Mind you, this scene is specifically stated to take place in New York in 1905. The crowd of onlookers is utterly SHOCKED by a vehicle that moves by itself. “There are no horses!” someone exclaims. "How does it work?"

Apparently all four of the credited writers slept through history class, and also couldn’t be bothered to Google a photo of New York at the turn of the century. Automobiles have been around since the 1880s, and by 1905, New York had so many cars on the streets that the New York Supreme Court had to hand down a ruling guaranteeing that horse-drawn transportation still had the same right-of-way as motorized vehicles, because the motorists didn’t want to share the road. Heck, my own great-grandfather owned a car by 1895! Glaring, easily-avoided errors like this jar me so far out of the story -- even good stories, which this one wasn’t -- that they actually bother me more than other, more significant failings. At least do your basic research, people. Use Google. Grrr.

Anyway, I’m just rambling now because I can’t sleep and I'm on prescription narcotics for pain and my dog is tired of listening to me grumble. Don’t mind me; I’m not actually this negative in real life. 😅

----------------------------------------------------

* I am not exaggerating. In the foreword, author Frederick Forsyth bashes Gaston Leroux and gives examples from his own works to explain how Le Fantôme de l'Opéra could have been written better. Like. DUDE. NO.

That book went straight into the donation box the moment I was done reading it. When Love Never Dies came out, I briefly regretted getting rid of it, but then I remembered how bad the story was and stopped feeling bad.

#Love Never Dies #andrew lloyd webber #phantom of the opera #musicals #Review #insomnia writes #long post

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pretend-writer · 4 years

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Down Below (Chapter 64)

Summary: After being sent down on Earth with the other prisoners from the Ark, Y/N Reyes faces series of events and learns about survival. With new things happening around her, she is now starting a new chapter in her life.

Pairing: Bellamy Blake x reader, Raven Reyes x sister!reader

Word Count: 1.8k words

Warning: swearing, mention of sex, mention of violence

Down Below Masterlist

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Everything we've ever worked for was gone; our home, our food and our leader who we thought we could count on no matter what.

I always knew that what Octavia and I did was for Wonkru, we always wanted the best for our clan. Even the toughest time, we told each other it was for survival.

What I have done in the past six years will never be forgiven but I knew in my heart that I've done the things I've done for the better. I've killed to protect my best friend, we've rationed human meat to help Wonkru survive.

Burning down hydrofarm could not be helping Wonkru at all. I tried understanding Octavia's logic but I couldn't get it. Maybe she had lost her ways, maybe the issue was deeper than Abby and her blackmailing two teenagers.

Either way, I felt a sense of responsibility on my end too. The problem with Dark Year all started from me after all; I was the cause of all of this mess. It was some sort of chain reaction, a butterfly effect.

That one bullet changed everything and I've ruined every single lives that I was supposed to protect, including the ones that were in the Ring. Because of what I've done, they came back to Earth and got involved in the mess I've created.

With a backpack full of ration we probably can't keep for six days, we marched toward Shallow Valley to take the only livable land on Earth. As I caught up to Octavia who led us, I tugged on her arm. 'Why did you do it?'

'We need the Valley, it's the only way Wonkru can survive.' She didn't turn around to answer as she kept her head up. 'Thought you'd understand.'

'Did you really tell Bellamy to kill Indra in the fighting pit?' I couldn't keep this to myself, the thought of Octavia betraying her people circled my mind.

She stayed silent for a bit before she answered. 'Since when are you and Bellamy talking again?'

'I had to go see him before he was sent off. Why wouldn't I go?' I bit my lips, 'You would sacrifice your family if they weren't blood? Is that all I am to you?'

Octavia quickly turned her head, 'Of course I would never do that to you Y/N.'

'Indra was someone who cared for you this whole time since we've been sent down. If you betrayed her, then I'm sur-'

'Can we not speak of this? You're speaking nonsense.'

'Nonse-' I sighed, trying to wrap my head around all of this. 'I've killed innocent people because Abby threatened to hurt you. I did all the things I was against to protect you.'

Octavia rolled her eyes, continuing to look straight into the sands. 'I never asked you to protect me.'

My brows raised, not believing what came out of Octavia's mouth. Despite me doing things that were wrong, I convinced myself it was okay as long as Abby didn't hurt Octavia.

I threw all my beliefs and morals away just to have Octavia tell me that all the shit I've done was unappreciated. I felt as though I've been living a lie for four years.

'Are you fucking kidding me?' I huffed, not knowing what else to say in such situation.

I've sacrificed everything for someone I thought was my best friend. Octavia was the only person I've ever cared about these past few years and now I feel stupid that I've changed myself for someone like her.

'Wait, Y/N. I didn't-'

'I've done everything for you, stood by you this whole time because I thought that I meant that much to you.' I shook my head and turned back around.

Octavia grabbed onto my hand as she tried to pulled me back to the front. 'Y/N, I'm sorry.'

While tears dripped down my face, I angrily yanked my arm away from her. Looking at her dead in her eyes, I took a deep breath and walked away.

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Eating my last small portion of my ration, I sat alone in front of the fire. In the corner of my eye, I saw Monty and Bellamy talking and smiling; They seemed so happy and I wondered how different my life would've been if I went to The Ring with them.

All of Spacekru were a big family, something I've envied since I was a little girl. I could've been a part of all of that but I gave it all up to be a better person instead of taking the suit from Emori or Echo. Instead I just to turned it all around to be the worst person I could be down at the bunker.

I stood up, pacing towards Monty and Bellamy thinking that I should try to talk to them. The closer I got to them, the harder my heart pounded. I was more than nervous to talk to the people I've known for years.

Bellamy and Monty looked up as they heard footsteps from my direction. Monty gave me a light smile, motioning me to come sit with them. Bellamy however looked away without a reaction.

'What do you want?' Bellamy said in a monotone voice as he stared at the fire.

'I was wondering if we can talk alone?' I held my breath, scared of him possibly yelling at me or saying something mean that I'd definitely deserve.

Monty looked at me with sad eyes and looked back at Bellamy. The way Monty have been treating me was something I did not deserve; he had every right to hate me but he didn't.

Bellamy let out a loud sigh and stood up. He walked to his tent and mumbled. 'Fine.'

I followed him in, balled my hand into a fist trying to maintain my emotions. I was scared that it might turn worse than it already was but I had to try. I needed to talk to him.

He crossed his arms, showing no interest of whatever I wanted to say. 'What?'

'I-I' My mind went blank, panicking as if this was the first time ever talking to him. Everything was intense starting with his body language, it already felt like I didn't belong here someway. 'I really don't know what to say other than I'm sorry.'

'You're sorry? Are you serious? That's not going to bring anyone back.'

'I know. All the things I've done in the bunker can never be forgiven, I know that too. But know that everything I've done was because I thought it was the best to protect Wonkru.'

'How am I supposed to understand that you've killed from the goodness from your heart? How am I supposed to be okay with that, Reyes?'

Was it wrong for me to think that Bellamy was being hypocritical? All the years he was apologizing for killing the grounders especially when they weren't attacking, I stood by him and forgave him.

After a whole bunch of mess we've been through together, I knew from the bottom of my heart that he was different. I gave him chance after chance and this one mistake just made him turn around and forget me?

It was stupid to think that because I know that I didn't deserve forgiveness. I should never be forgiven for killing my own people but given the circumstances Bellamy was in a few years back, I thought he'd at least understand where I was coming from.

This should've have never been brought up but my chest was hurting from pain, I had to let it out. 'You've killed people too Bellamy. You've apologized over and over, I always forgave you.'

Tears were rolling down my face, it was as if I forgot how to cry. These past years being under the bunker, I've told myself to not shed a tear and now I couldn't stop. I was finally letting all my pain and suffering out.

'I've already told you, I've never killed my own people but you did! You were okay with killing Wonkru!' Bellamy yelled.

'We both killed to protect our own, how is that any different!?' We were yelling at each other and I wondered if anyone outside the tent heard us.

'It's different because it's you Reyes!' He shouted as his eyes got watery. 'You were supposed to protect everyone like you've done since day one of being here on Earth. I'm just a mess up that always does something wrong. You were the leader for everyone, including Wonkru. We are not the same, I've always made mistakes but you...'

A sudden anger sparked in me, 'How selfish of you to fucking say that! You can make mistakes but I can't? All my life I tried to be good. Then I make one mistake and I'm a bitch that everyone wants dead. I wanted to leave with Jasper but you told me to survive. I survived for you!'

His eyes widened, surprised that I started crying and screaming. Bellamy reached out to me, trying to pull on my hand before I swiped it away. 'Get the fuck off of me! I'm so done. I'm done.'

'Reyes, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that.' Before I was able to storm out of his tent, he pulled me in. 'I didn't say that to try to hurt your feelings, I'm sorry.'

Pushing him away, I cried even more. 'I never asked to be the leader, I didn't even want to be in the fucking bunker. I'm tired of all of this. People want me to be perfect when I'm not, I'm not at all!'

Bellamy pulled me in again, hugging me tightly as he rubbed my back. 'Y/N, I'm sorry.'

Eventually giving up on struggling out of his grip, I cried into his chest. 'It's not fair, you told me to live and the bunker was the worst years of my entire life. I'm here all because of you.'

He reached for my chin and lifted my head up. With his thumb, he wiped my tears and looked me in my eyes. I didn't realize until now that I missed the way he looked at me the way he did.

Bellamy licked his lips before he slowly leaned in to lock our lips. It's been a long time since we've been this intimate, I almost forgot how it felt to be in his arms.

Wanting his taste, I kissed back passionately as I slid my hand into his shirt. Bellamy did the same to mine, except he broke the kiss to take my top off.

He didn't waste any time as he pulled me back in, sliding his hands up and down my sides. Eventually landing his hand on the band of my jeans, he unbuttoned them.

'Blake, I-' I mumbled under my breath in between the kisses. He traced my lip with his thumb as he shushed me.

'You don't have to feel alone anymore, I'm here.' He spoke softly, erasing all of the bad memories from the past few years. I nodded, still kissing him as he gently laid me on the ground.

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tag list; @jodiereedus22, @coffeebooksandfandom, @bellamyblakemorley, @wisestydia-15, @dbtvluv , @hurricane–amelia , @lexalexy , @olkathefoxi, @lena-davina, @kellbell44, @thehakunamatara, @akelly4477, @morgannope, @littlegirl-fox, @captainam-erika-trash, @greygarbage, @nathaliabakes, @eternallyvenus, @rauwz, @broco8, @eridanuswave, @minamisulemisa

#bellamy blake x reader #raven reyes x sister!reader #bellamy blake fic #bellamy blake series #the 100 fic #the 100 series #down below series

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lilacmoon83 · 4 years

Text

Finding You Always

Also on Fanfiction.net and A03

Chapter 230: The Tide is High

"He...he's going to use our own blood against us. He's going to use our love against us…" she fretted.

"No...never. That's not possible," he promised.

"He's never going to stop...unless we stop him," she said. He gazed into her eyes and realized she was right.

"You're right...let's end this now," he agreed, as he took her hand and they strode purposefully toward the double doors.

"Crap...that will be a disaster," Leo said.

"Let's go stop them. Walking into Jekyll's playground is the last thing we should do right now. Trust me," Xander said, as they hurried after them.

"Mom! Dad!" the Charming kids called after them. A hasty act at this point with so many villains and danger afoot could lead to disaster and they refused to lose their parents to this madness.

"Mom! Dad!" Emma called, as she hurried in front of them to block their path. Leo and Eva caught up to her and flanked her, while Summer and Bobby got directly in front of them.

"Don't go…" Summer pleaded.

"She's right...it's what he wants. He's psycho," Bobby said.

"I just...I can't keep letting him hover like a plague over us," David said in frustration, as he turned to his wife.

"I can't keep letting him haunt the woman I love," he said, as he cupped her beautiful face with his hand and she leaned into his touch.

"My love...he does not haunt me, at least not as much as he would like to think," she assured him.

"The only thing that would haunt me is if I lost you," she said. He closed to his eyes, trying to quell his rage against the mad doctor inside him.

"I just feel like I fail every time he pops up with some scheme or plot," he confessed.

"You've never failed us, Dad...not once," Emma insisted.

"She's right. There's a reason that psychopath is still alive and it's because he's a coward," Leo agreed.

"They're right...you're one of the greatest warriors in all the United Realms. Jekyll can't compete, even with all his stolen power and scientific mind," Eva insisted, as she put her arms around him and he hugged her tightly. Summer joined her sister and put her arms around him too. He smiled and kissed the tops of their heads.

"The last time he faced you on even ground, you put a hole in him," Emma reminded him.

"She's right...Pleasure Island stacks the deck against you and I'd put money on you still being able to beat him. But we're not willing to put you at risk," Leo said.

"He's right, Dad...make him come to us. And we aren't willing to risk you either, Mom...so don't get any wild ideas about being selfless," Bobby added, making them chuckle.

"They are right...you're amazing and you're our hero," Snow said, as she put her arms around him too.

"My hero…" she added, as she kissed him passionately.

"Okay...no going off to confront him," David relented. Snow smiled and kissed him again.

"That's too bad...because I would promise you a horrible time if you did," a voice said, as the evil doctor appeared before them.

"Without the guaranteed power of your chalice...I am confident I would have captured you and then I would have probably thrown you to the wolves. The riff raff here on the island would have delighted in torturing the illustrious Prince Charming," Jekyll hissed. Bobby picked up a rock from the ground and tossed it at the doctor and wasn't surprised when it went right through him.

"Big words from a coward that has to send his hologram to taunt us," Bobby said.

"I'd watch your tongue, boy," the doctor hissed.

"Come make me, you spineless worm!" he taunted back.

"I was just a baby when you started terrorizing my parents, but even then, I thwarted you and I keep thwarting you. Everything you've tried...I'm immune to and if you think I won't keep stopping you, then you aren't as smart as you boast," Bobby said.

"My, my...strong words, brat. Such fire and spirit...much like your lovely mother," Jekyll replied.

"Whatever, whack job...because I guarantee that you'll never get through us or my Dad to get to her. But if you're stupid enough to keep trying, then we'll be happy to end you and for good this time," Bobby countered and Jekyll growled.

"We'll see, young one. But don't underestimate the horror I have in mind for your father and any of you that get in my way," he warned.

"Don't you threaten my husband or my babies," Snow hissed, as she stepped forward and put her hands on Bobby's shoulders.

"You will not keep denying me, fairest Snow...I will get what I want," he assured her.

"The only thing you're going to get is more holes in you at the end of my sword and this time, I'll make sure you don't recover," David said, as he held his sword out and it glowed with power.

"We shall see, Prince Charming…" Jekyll replied, as his hologram faded and they relaxed a bit, as the others joined them.

"We have got to figure out a way to root out that parasite. Death isn't enough…" Regina said.

"Agreed...we must give him the same treatment we gave the blue flea," Rumple agreed.

"We should probably call it a night though. We're supposed to leave for DC tomorrow," Snow said.

"There's one thing I'm confused about," Elsa said.

"Just one?" Leo muttered and she elbowed him lightly.

"My mother had sisters...were they Northuldra too? Wouldn't they have to be?" Elsa asked.

"Hey yeah...Ingrid and what was the other one?" Emma asked.

"Helga and my mother went by Gerda to the Arendelle people. Only around us did my father ever call her Iduna. She told us it was her middle name," Elsa replied.

"Yes...your mother's sisters. And Gerda was the Arendelle name she adopted to hide her true heritage. As for Ingrid and Helga...yes, they were Northuldra too, though only your mother and Ingrid had magic. They were away on that fateful day," Athena explained.

"Ingrid was so furious and ready to destroy Arendelle as a whole in a fury. Your parents pleaded with the Rock Trolls for help. Grand Pabbie obliged and was able to use a powerful memory spell on Ingrid and Helga. From that day, they thought themselves of Arendelle. But as you know, it didn't take away Ingrid's powers and she felt slighted by their insistence that she conceal her powers. She mistook that as fear from them and she resented them," Athena continued.

"But they weren't scared of her...they were scared for her," Elsa realized. The Goddess nodded.

"And for you. Your father had watched his own father kill someone out of fear of magic and he didn't want that for you. Trying to take away your powers by gaining the Sorcerer's hat was wrong...but it came from a place of love. Not fear," Athena said.

"They...they were never scared of me," she realized and Leo put his arm around her, knowing how much of a relief that had to be for her. Athena nodded.

"Well...now that we've subverted another crisis for the moment, I say we get some sleep. Especially since some of us are leaving for Washington tomorrow," Aphrodite suggested. Snow and David joined hands. They kissed their older children goodnight, while their two youngest went home with them.

After seeing the kids off to bed, they retired themselves and started getting ready for bed.

"I'm sorry…" David said, as he discarded his shirt.

"For what, baby?" she asked, as she sat on the bed, pulling off her leggings.

"For being a hothead and nearly barreling into what would have probably caused a really bad situation," he replied.

"You wanted to end this...end his threat to our family. You don't ever have to apologize for that. Besides, I was ready to confront him myself. The thought of him hurting one more person, especially someone I love, over me...I can't take that," she said, as he pulled her into his arms.

"I'm not letting you sacrifice yourself...we'll beat him. Our kids were right...he'd be dead if he was willing to face us on a level playing ground," he said. She smiled.

"They are...in a fair battle, he doesn't stand a chance against you," she replied, as she got up on her knees on the bed and slipped her arms around his neck. Their lips met in a tender kiss that quickly grew in passion and heat, until their lips were dueling with passionate, smoldering fervor.

"Come on handsome...let's make some magic," she purred. He smirked and lowered the lights and let their passion consume them fully.

~*~

Bobby tossed and turned in his bed in the early hours of the morning. Normally, he was a very sound sleeper. But on this night, dreams assaulted his subconscious. But these dreams seemed to be prophetic and a warning of what was to come if they did not stop the growing threat of one King Runeard and the imbalance of the elements.

~*~

Bobby opened his eyes and found a barren plain before him. Behind him was his parent's castle and he realized the barren plain was supposed to be their garden. However, now it was a dead landscape of dried up dirt, void of any life whatsoever. He slowly walked along the deadened ground and found nothing but devastation before him. The entire Enchanted Forest was dead now. He felt sick to his stomach, as he saw that all the animals, people, and fairies alike were also dead.

"You have failed, young one…" a deep voice said, as he turned to find a man there. He resembled the image he had seen of King Runeard, except this man's skin was ashen gray; dead like everything around them. But he nearly choked in fear and anguish, as he saw his family laying at his feet, or rather their bodies. His parents, his brother, and his sisters...dead. Their skin was ashen gray, like life had been sucked out of them. The chalice lay gray and broken between his parents, who still held each other, even in death.

"What...what have you done?" Bobby demanded to know.

"The elements rage as long as I am free. I am Void...and no life can survive around me for long. You were supposed to balance the elements...only the unification of them through you can stop something like me," he said.

"This is a dream...which means this isn't happening. I will defeat you," Bobby replied. Runeard smirked.

"Spoken just like your father...before I drained every last bit of life from him while your mother screamed. She almost seemed relieved when I did the same to her," he goaded. Bobby's eyes flashed peridot green, as vines emerged from the ground and wrapped around the scourge. But he laughed and the vines died upon touching him and withered to dust.

"You'll have to do better than that, boy...or this…" he said, gesturing with his arms to the landscape around them.

"This is the future…" he warned, as Runeard hand wrapped around his neck and things went black.

~*~

Bobby shot up in bed with a start and touched his neck. He could still feel Runeard's clammy hand around his neck and the life draining from him. He breathed and contemplated the dream. Was it just a nightmare? Or was it a vision of a possible future? He didn't know, but one thing was certain; he needed to talk to someone else that was known for having visions of the future. He grabbed his phone from the nightstand. It was almost four in the morning and he knew this person also happened to be a very early riser.

"Mr. Gold...are you up?" he texted and then waited a few beats. He was relieved when it looked like he was typing back.

"You know me, my boy...I don't sleep much past the witching hour," Gold responded.

"I think...I had a vision of the future and it wasn't good. Can we talk?" he asked.

"I'll put the tea on for me and the cocoa for you," Gold answered. Bobby sighed in relief, as he threw his clothes on and used his magic. He disappeared in a poof of peridot colored smoke.

~*~

"So once again...Snow and Charming have delegated the saving of our Kingdoms to that of one of their brats. Apparently this time, our collective fate rests upon a fourteen-year-old that's still navigating the challenges of puberty. But sure, none of us should be at all worried. Well done, as usual, truest loves. For more hardcore, unfiltered news and commentary, you can follow me on the Looking Glass, the United Realms premier social media network," Goldie reported, as her latest media blurb ended and she stepped off the set.

"Where is my latte?" she demanded from the assistant she had hired. The poor girl looked nervous and rightly so, as Goldie spit it out all over her and tossed the cup against the wall, sending the hot liquid everywhere.

"I told you none of that diner swill! Get me real coffee!" she demanded. The crying girl scampered off and she stormed into her dressing room.

"Where did you find that urchin?" she asked.

"Fidget grabbed her and her father on his latest trip to Storybrooke. Jekyll requested an assistant and her father, Hiram Flaversham, is one of the best engineers at the University," Grimm said.

"Fidget?" she asked, as he gestured to the creepy, peg- legged man, hobbling around.

"I swear...this island is full of the scumbag freaks," she replied. He smirked.

"True...but when it comes to thieving scum, this island has the best. And Snow White is the one that injured him and caused him to lose his leg, so he has plenty of an axe to grind with her," he said.

"That makes a lot of us," Goldie replied, as she checked her phone.

"So...what do you make of this new guy?" she asked.

"He's interesting and I love his power...as dangerous as it is. I'm already working on an article though. When the Land Without Magic finds out there is someone that can do what he does and that he might be a threat to them...it will spark plenty of controversy and fear," he replied. She smirked.

"Oh, I love a good hit piece," she said, as she decided to skip the coffee and pour herself some of the expensive wine that was in her dressing room.

"So...what's your take on this King?" she asked. He shrugged.

"He seems like he'll be a formidable enemy and unlike the doctor, he doesn't care if Snow White ends up as collateral damage," Grimm replied.

"Then I should get along swimmingly with him, though I'm tired of having to rely on others with powers to wreak havoc. I'd rather just do it myself," Goldie said.

"Then we need that precious blood of the truest loves. With it, I can write anything I want for us," Grimm replied. She smirked.

"Do you have some sort of plan?" she asked.

"As a matter of fact...I do," he replied.

~*~

Jekyll seethed, as the hologram projection ended and he glared at his new assistant.

"Your hologram technology is quite impressive. Fidget was correct that you would make a decent assistant for me," Jekyll said.

"I have no desire to help you achieve any of your evil schemes," Hiram said bravely, but then coward, as the mad scientist lashed at him with one of his fiery whips, scorching the all behind him.

"And unless you'd rather I take my anger out on your spawn...you'll continue to do my bidding," Jekyll warned.

"And what is it that you need an engineer for? You're supposedly a brilliant mind," Hiram shot back.

"Indeed I am...but like I said, you are a gifted engineer," he said, as he presented a pair of gloves to him.

"I created a pair of magical gloves like this that allowed Rodmilla Tremaine to use magic. But this pair has another purpose...or it will once you apply your expertise," Jekyll explained.

"What do you want me to do with these infernal things?" Hiram asked.

"I want them to use the same principles as Rodmilla's, only these will be specifically for ripping hearts," he revealed.

"You...you want to rip hearts from people with magic?" he asked.

"Yes…you see, if I am to make Snow White mine, then I need the means to defeat all the obstacles in my way. And inside a magical heart exists a star gem. If I could gain the star gems of her mouthy brats and force them to be my soldiers...then I would control the elements and nothing could stand in my way," Jekyll said, as he showed him a hologram of the star gems he knew existed inside of the Charming children.

"Then I will crush her husband myself and they will nary lift a finger to stop me," he added.

"I will not be a part of such evil!" he said, horrified by the level of horror that Jekyll was willing to go to.

"You will...or perhaps I will use the much cruder method I have for extracting hearts on your daughter!" Jekyll threatened.

"No...don't hurt Olivia. I'll do the work for you...but then you'll let us go!" Hiram demanded.

"Once these gloves do what I want...I'll have no use for either of you," Jekyll replied, as the other man went to work in reluctance.

~*~

Bobby appeared in Mr. Gold's basement potions lab and found him reading a spell book and sipping tea. There was a cocoa waiting for him.

"So...a dream?" Gold asked.

"More like a nightmare," he replied with a shudder and took a drink of his cocoa.

"But you think it's more...because a nightmare wouldn't bring you to me. Your parents comfort a nightmare, like Belle and I comfort Gideon. So...you must believe this is more," Gold surmised.

"I've never really had visions before…" Bobby said.

"Not in the traditional sense...no. But you were a baby when you projected yourself into the netherworld to protect your mother. Apollo and Artemis contacted you in the same netherworld," he said.

"And…Princess Serenity earlier," he added. He nodded curtly.

"Tell me about this nightmare," Gold requested.

"Uh well...it was in my parents courtyard, except the whole garden was dead, thanks to Runeard. But he was calling himself something else," Bobby replied.

"Most villains develop an alter ego of some kind," Gold commented. He nodded.

"He called himself Void...and he sucked the life out of everything he touched," Bobby said, as he swallowed thickly.

"Including my family," he added.

"Ah...and you are his polar opposite. The chosen bearer of the earth element and thus all elements," Gold said.

"Do...you think it was a vision of what is to come?" he asked.

"No...because the future is always in motion. Every time I thought I was certain of a future event, there was always something I was not seeing," Gold replied.

"For example, I saw your parents' true love as the key to bringing magic to a land without and that your sister would break the curse. But yet, I could not see that Belle was really alive," he said.

"I saw that I would find my son, but could not see that he would have a child with your sister," he added.

"The future is never what it seems, even if you are a seer. No, your nightmare was more of a warning. If anything, it gives us an advantage. You saw Runeard and how dangerous he really is without us first experiencing it, at least beyond the storms we have seen thus far," Gold said.

"If he can really do what he can in your nightmare...then out of control storms are just the tip of our problem," he said.

"So you think something showed me what he could do so I can stop him before he does it," Bobby replied.

"Yes...which is a far more useful gift than being a seer," Gold said.

"So what do we do now?" Bobby asked.

"You go home and tell your family about this. Someone like him will not confine himself to Pleasure Island for long and when he surfaces, we will be ready," Gold replied. Bobby nodded.

"Thanks Mr. Gold," he said.

"Anytime, my boy," he replied, as the teen used his magic to take himself home. Gold proceeded to go upstairs, for he knew Belle would be up soon and would be very interested to know about Bobby's revelation.

~*~

"You realize how risky this is?" the woman said, as she looked out her hotel room and to the National Mall below.

"It is...but for the chance to possess some of these treasures...it's a chance that must be taken," the man replied. They were two heads of the most powerful families in the world. He was Charles Ozman, one of the heads of the most powerful banks in the world and she was Ginger Reeves, of the affluent Reeves family that had leadership positions in many banks, hospital boards, and Universities.

"These rumored objects, if real, are worthless without a magical source. Are you sure they'll come?" she asked.

"Positive. They have made it known that they are going after us and we'll be ready to counter them when we get our hands on those treasures," he replied.

"Then...the sky's the limit to our power," she said.

~*~

"So...the attire for this thing is formal, as we expected," Aphrodite said, as they were in the war room, gaming out the evening.

"Of course...none of these people wear jeans and drink anything other than champagne," David quipped.

"You are such a farm boy," James teased.

"And proud of it," David countered, as Snow and Aphrodite shared an amused smile at their husbands and their bickering.

"Mom! Dad! I need to tell you something," Bobby said, as he came into the war room.

"Well good morning, sleepy head. I was beginning to wonder if you were going to get up before noon," Snow said.

"Yeah…I kind of fell asleep, because I had a nightmare last night. Except I think it was more than just a nightmare and so does Mr. Gold," he explained.

"What do you mean?" David asked.

"It was about King Runeard...and I think he might be more dangerous than we think," Bobby replied.

"Then you think your dream was more of a vision," Aphrodite said. He nodded.

"He has his own element...of sorts," Bobby replied.

"What does that mean?" James asked.

"It's hard to explain...do you think you can use your magic to help me describe it?" he asked his Aunt. She nodded and took his hands, concentrating on his thoughts. A life-like hologram projection of his thoughts came alive before them and they saw the horror for themselves.

"He...he did this?" Snow asked. Bobby nodded.

"He's the antithesis of the elements...he's…" Aphrodite said, as she tried to find the word.

"He called himself the Void," Bobby replied.

"Athena didn't mention anything about him having powers other than making the elements go haywire," David said.

"Which means this is likely something that happened while he was banished," Aphrodite replied.

"How do we defeat someone that can kill us with a touch?" Snow wondered.

"Mr. Gold is pretty sure my powers are the answer, because I have the earth element," Bobby said. Snow closed her eyes and sighed.

"You are not facing this alone, sweetheart," she said. He smiled.

"I know, Mom and I'm still going to DC with you and Dad. We can be back here in a second if we need to be," Bobby said.

"We can...and I've just received some updated Intel. This is one engagement we can't afford to miss," the Major interjected, as she came into the room.

"Why is that?" Snow asked.

"Because four other heads of the family will be joining Callista Stavros at this event," Patrocia announced.

"Wait...so you're saying we have an opportunity to take down five of these snakes at once?" David questioned.

"Exactly," she replied.

"That's a lot of snakes though. I think we better have a backup team on standby if needed," James said. They nodded in agreement.

"Wait...why so many in one public place? Didn't you say they avoid public appearances, especially together?" Snow asked.

"Yes...which means there must be a very good reason they are together and though I don't know what it is, we need to stop whatever it is they have planned," Patricia replied.

"And if we stop five of them at once, that means only five will remain," David said. She nodded.

"Then we should get ready to go...and be prepared for anything," Snow said. They nodded in agreement and continued to prepare.

~*~

Fandral dismounted his horse, following his morning rounds and observed his Knights training in the Courtyard. It was a normal morning in Andresia and thankfully quiet for the moment. Zorro arrived back from his patrol as well and dismounted, before siding up to Fandral.

"The perimeter is secure. No sign of that General Mendoza, but I doubt he has given up on breaching our borders," Zorro reported.

"I do not doubt it one bit...but with the event in Washington tonight, I am almost certain that he will be there; even if only to observe things from the shadows," Fandral said.

"Then you think this General may be the most dangerous of all these heads?" Zorro questioned.

"The Major was clear that he has military might behind him," he said.

"But we both know that you could easily take on an army of mortals without breaking a sweat. By yourself," Zorro reminded him.

"That is likely true...but these are merely soldiers following a commander, much like my own ranks. I would not wish to harm those that are either deceived or blindly following orders of an evil general," he said. Zorro nodded.

"Quite true...and his history may go back the furthest, being that his ancestor betrayed the Dragon King," he mentioned.

"Very much so, though we know that Clayton's son's mother is now one of these heads. It's unpredictable how she fits into this, but he claimed she has a prominent family line as well," Fandral said.

"Well…I say we are the logical choices to join the mission when they face Mendoza. They'll need a couple of military minds like us," Zorro replied. Fandral smiled.

"I am sure David will consult us for that mission surely," he agreed, as they made their way into the castle and parted ways, as the Asgardian found his way to his wife in the library. She was a vision, as usual, even in a simple house dress and his heart swelled, as he spotted the tiny swell in her abdomen.

"Good morning, my handsome warrior," she said, as she looked up from her book.

"Good morning, my beautiful angel," he replied, as he leaned down and kissed her lips.

"What are you reading today?" he asked curiously, as he squeezed into the chair with her.

"More of the fascinating history surrounding the Dragon King and Queen. I am reading about their advisor, Tao Lang Xi and his history as a member of the original tribe of Mu," she replied.

"He had a complicated history with the original General Mendoza, didn't he?" Fandral asked.

"Mmm...very much so. Antionio De Mendoza was a gifted Navigator and originally led Esteban, the Dragon King, to the Island of Mu. He wanted to massacre the people to gain the secrets of Cibola, but quickly realized that the secrets had little to do with the people and everything to do with the truest loves, which he had learned about from the Claytons, of course," she explained.

"And Tao became their adviser when he realized they could open the gates of Cibola?" he asked. She nodded.

"That wasn't all. He relinquished the sacred golden jar of his people to them. The legend was that the jar was the key to controlling the limitless supply of solar energy, which can be deployed from the tallest golden tower in Cibola," she said.

"A Solar reactor?" he asked. She nodded.

"That's what it sounds like...no wonder so many wanted to find it. It was more than just gold," she replied.

"So it seems...an endless supply of clean energy. But what would happen if used without this jar?" he asked.

"Disaster…" she said, as she showed him the next page, which depicted the consequences of using the power without the control mechanism," she said, as she showed him a drawing of what looked like a huge explosion.

"What happened to the jar? I don't recall there being any object like that in the Atlantis museum," he said.

"No one knows. Tao took it with him when he left home and it's not written what became of it," she replied.

"Very mysterious...you're right, it's a very fascinating story," he agreed, as he pressed a kiss to her cheek.

"My Queen...a Mr. Hyde is requesting an audience with Your Majesties," Bianca said, as she bowed to them curtly.

"Tell him we'll be right there," Rose said, as they stood up and joined hands, before they walked to the atrium.

"Hello Hyde," Rose said, as the tall man bowed curtly to her. She knew he still had feelings for her and his eyes always betrayed that, but she would never have to fear him, for he was always a gentleman. Unlike Jekyll, he had accepted that her heart belonged to Fandral and respectfully admired her from afar.

"I apologize for interrupting your day, but I am afraid I come at the behest of a colleague of mine," Hyde explained.

"Has something happened?" Fandral asked.

"Well…I'm not sure and with everything going on, the Sheriff's department has its hands full. So I elected to come request help from you instead," Hyde replied.

"Happy to help. What's the trouble?" Fandral asked.

"It's one of my colleagues. His name is Hiram Flaversham. He is a very gifted engineer and teaches at the University with me," Hyde replied, as he showed them a picture of him and a girl that was probably around Bobby's age.

"That's his daughter Olivia and they are both missing," he said in concern.

"Missing?" Rose asked in concern. He nodded.

"Since yesterday morning...and it's not like Hiram not to show up. If there was a reason he needed to miss work, he would call and his daughter did not show at school either," he replied.

"You care for them," Rose said. He nodded.

"Hiram has become a very good friend and Olivia is like a niece to me now. I am very worried," Hyde replied.

"Leave it to me and Zorro. We will investigate immediately and find them," Fandral assured.

"Thank you," Hyde said gratefully.

~*~

"We'll be fine, Mom," Emma assured, as she and Snow shared a hug.

"I know...but if things get out of hand or any storms break out, call us right away," she said.

"We will, but you do the same. If things get out of hand...call us in for backup," Leo said.

"Don't worry...we're not going to take any chances," David said, as he hugged them too. They were already dressed in their formal wear, with Snow in a white evening gown. David and James donned a pair of tuxes, while Aphrodite wore a reddish orange evening gown. Bobby wore a tux, complete with complaints as well and Patricia wore a pantsuit. Rumple and Regina were joining them on this one as well for extra firepower. Rumple refused to wear a tux and instead wore his usual suit and Regina wore a black evening gown. Finally, Natalie was also joining him, along with Xander and Thalia.

"Are you sure you're up to this? You're getting further along," David said worriedly.

"That's why my mom and our dad are coming, just in case. Besides, an exhibit full of supposedly mystical treasures? I have to see this," Natalie replied.

"Okay...just stay close," he said. She and Snow shared a smile.

"You were right...he is way overprotective," Natalie said.

"Yeah...but it's adorable," Snow replied in a dreamy tone.

"And you are his baby sister...get used to it," she added, as she joined her husband and they created a portal. With that, the current team walked through, while the others stayed behind on standby...

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mor-beck-more-problems · 4 years

Text

Witch Way to Revenge || Morgan & Miriam

TIMING: Current

PARTIES: @meflemming & @mor-beck-more-problems

SUMMARY: Morgan and Miriam have a girl’s night. At least no one was physically injured?

CONTAINS: emo times

Girl’s night in with Miriam looked a lot like Morgan expected: animal hides dangling from their racks, wine-blood cocktails and brain smoothies in rose gold tinted glassware, and moody music from Miriam’s Spotify playlist underscored by the percussion of leatherworking and bone carving as fresh white shavings spread over the work table like confetti. The antler Morgan was working was just for practice, but maybe if the piece didn’t come out too wonky she would stash it for herself, a hope towards another etsy store, or at least a contribution to the universe that wasn’t so frustratingly fraught. Everywhere Morgan looked was a mess waiting to happen or already in progress, even within. She mistrusted her quiet, fearing another breakdown, she mistrusted her fire, hating the thought of adding to the list of sacrifices and blood Constance had already accumulated. And the people she trusted, who she wanted to cling to—

Morgan’s burr scraped too roughly into the bone, digging an impossibly crooked hole into its side. She set down her burr before she made another mess and chugged her smoothie. “Is it breaking the vibe too much if I ask a serious question?” The look of apology on her face said that she was going to do it whether Miriam thought so or not. “I was wondering if...you ever feel kind of sick about your uh...side hustle. And then do it anyway? I feel like if nothing else, being able to see Constance come apart with my own two zombie eyes is going to be satisfying in ways I don’t have words for, but right now I’m...not there. I’m just curious, I guess.”

Humming along to the music Elle had put on her phone, Miriam was busy removing hair from a skin, not truly thinking, just enjoying the process. She’d found the deer the other evening after she’d gone to the cemeteries. Miriam hadn’t truly been hunting for witches. Not hard, at least. But the frustration of the itch not being scratched caused her to lash out. She’d dropped it off on the way back to Evelyn’s, and she’d been staying the night there ever since, though frustration kept building and building. This was nice, though. No murder, no ghostly research, no threatening or dead witch bodies (except for Morgan’s, but she didn’t count).The flavor of bloodied wine eased some of her darker thoughts. Morgan seemed a bit stressed, of course, but Miriam didn’t pry. They both had their secrets.

Miriam’s sensitive ears picked up the sound of scraping bone, and she glanced up at Morgan. Raising an eyebrow, she took a sip from her glass. “I don’t mind, Morgan.” She paused, thinking it over. The look on Morgan’s face was enough for her to know that the question wasn’t meant cruelly, though. “Side hustle makes it sound like I’m a gangster of some sort. It’s simply my nature.” She wrinkled up her nose a bit before she sighed and put down the fleshing knife she’d been using. Miriam faced Morgan fully, leaning back against the counter. “The very first time was hard, but I couldn’t stop.” She would not tell Morgan how she cried for Theo. She would not. “And then it was all too easy. It was retribution, for all the lies and the hurt that magic causes. Eventually, I thought I was done, for the most part, and I went to ground. When I woke up, it was the same, that righteous anger that I had to do what needed to be done.” Murder, Mim. Just say murder. “I’m certainly glad I didn’t kill you, though. And now… Now it’s just a necessity, not a desire. I have other things to do with my time, but…” She let the sentence trail off into nothing and cleared her throat. “What brings up the curiosity, darling?”

“On the one hand, gangster, on the other: intrepid and self-motivated,” Morgan explained, sniggering. “It doesn’t pay as well as your day job, it’s more of a passion project. Which, you know, you could probably benefit from having a real one of those.” She was trying to keep her tone light, gentle in her teasing to show how desperate she was to get Miriam to do something, anything else with her existence besides her indiscriminate murder vendetta against witches. But Miriam’s response to her question was...surprisingly earnest. Even as Morgan sensed that she was keeping something back, she knew she was telling as much of the truth as she could manage.

“Couldn’t stop?” She asked in a whisper. For the first time she considered if Miriam’s claims about not being in control of herself were true. She could think of nothing more terrifying than losing her will, her self to something that lacked even a face or a name. It seemed a worse fate than what Constance had given her. It couldn’t be true. “You know it wasn’t...he wasn’t his magic, Miriam,” she said softly. “He deserved everything he got from you. But he’s not actually everywhere, even if it feels that way. He wasn’t hiding in me somewhere.” She looked back to her bone carving before setting everything down. “Why does it feel necessary? Sorry, that sounds-- I’m curious about you, because of course I am, but I’m asking for...me. I struggle so hard to explain to people why I need this, and I don’t know if the words exist. I was set up to suffer before I was even born, punished for something I didn’t do as early as three, broken, slowly in cycles, over some girl’s hissy fit of bad turns. And at the bottom of it all, I know that I need to do something different, to be different than the person she ground up to death. And I need to call the shots. I need to know down in my soul I’m free of her, forever. And, yeah, sometimes I get a kick out of imagining what it will be like to give her back as much pain as I can. I had to kill a fucking hunter to get the carding comb to hurt her with, I’m going to make sure it’s worth it. But does any of this make sense to you at all? You’re not even going after the person who hurt you anymore and is it...just this ache? Or this pull that you can’t have peace or quiet or anything fully until this is done?

The sound Miriam made wasn’t particularly ladylike; nor was the eyeroll she gave Morgan. Honestly, she wouldn’t be surprised if her mother walked out of the family mausoleum just to scold her for her lack of manners. “Aren’t we all self-motivated, sweetness?” she asked, reaching to take a sip of her wine only to find that the glass was empty. She frowned before going to the small fridge she kept in her work area to make another glass. “I mean, that’s quintessential human nature, though human is a bit narrowly focused. We both know that. Anything with conscious thought is self-motivated, I think one could argue.” One part blood bag, two parts cabernet sauvignon. She took a sip, satisfied with the flavor, and looked back at Morgan.

“Despite, well, everything that you know about me, murder wasn’t always my go to method of dealing with marital issues, Morgan. Then again, we weren’t prone to marital problems before my passing,” Miriam said with a wry smile. She crossed her arms over her chest and leaned back. “I know that. I know what he was. Being a spellcaster wasn’t the worst part of him.” Admitting it felt like sin, like a betrayal of the woman who had died wrapped around a tree with the knowledge that the only reason her husband had married her was because he needed to fund his coven. “I know that. But the mere thought of people practicing magic, the fact that they could still do it after everything that he did to me,” she felt fangs lengthen in her mouth, “it is impossible to stop myself.” She looked at Morgan, who she considered a friend, who she would have killed in their first meeting had she not enjoyed the game of cat and mouse, who she would probably kill know if her heart decided to reawaken in her chest and magic once more flow through her veins. “I came back improperly, a vampire who needs more suffering than she needs blood. I live with it, have lived with it for some time. It’s necessary because I could be starved for blood for decades, and I have been!” She did not remember her time in the mausoleum fondly, though she’d put herself there quite willingly. “The thirst for blood would be nothing compared to my need to cause suffering and pain to those that-- those that wronged me.” Magic wasn’t met for humans. It simply wasn’t. There had to be an understanding there, that they were only hurting themselves and others. She couldn’t be the only person scorned out there, desperately hunting for an atonement that didn’t seem to come. “I keep thinking that one day I’ll reach the peak, right? That I will have killed one, and it’ll be over. I thought I’d find that when I kill the last of Theo’s family.” She still sees Gilly’s aged but familiar face when she closes her eyes. Miriam downed the wine. “Didn’t fucking happen. Obviously.”

Morgan replied with an eye roll and a grimace. “Not all of us. Some of us have ‘sacred duties’ and shiny new enlightened principles that mean moving out and running away to live in an abandoned mansion where nothing bad can get us.” She recounted the thought with a mocking baby voice, bristling with bitter hurt. Maybe if more people were allowed to worry just about their local friends and communities, there would be a lot less strife. No duties, no higher bullshit. “But, you know, at least you are. I appreciate that about you, Mim.”

She watched Miriam’s posture, the shifts and guilt in her face as she admitted what Theo’s crimes weren’t. “You aren’t made wrong, Miriam. You deserve to be here as much as anyone else just the way you are. You’re just...a little stuck, I think. I mean, witches everywhere don’t know what he did to you. And I bet no small amount of them would support your leather jacket poetic justice. You know, if you left out the part where you think they shouldn’t exist because of him. We’re big on balance and using the will and agency the universe gave you. Making your way happen when circumstances say no.” She looked at Miriam sympathetically, hoping she registered how much her drive fell into that very witchy category. “Some people need to be dealt their suffering, for things they’ve actually done, Mim. And you haven’t been dead so long that there can’t be someone who did actually do something to you or someone you care about to take a hit or two.” She inched closer to the vampire, reaching out for her hand. “Hey--” her fingers brushed over Miriam’s. “It doesn’t have to be like this. You deserve more and better than tasting something hollow. Did you ever think that maybe it doesn’t feel good like the first one for a reason. And not because you’re cursed or anything awful like that. Because you’re not. Maybe you just need something different. Because it can’t stay like that, right? We can’t just be stuck starving for something that never comes. There’s gotta be something better.”

Blinking, Miriam said, “I won’t lie, you had me in the first half, but I don’t think that’s directed at me, is it?” Clearly, whatever was weighing on Morgan was truly getting to her, turning a woman that Miriam had only seen angry at Miriam or a ghost into someone that was actually quite bitter about things, life, unlife. It rubbed Miriam the wrong way, to see someone so blatantly optimistic using that tone, that nastiness. “Yes, well, that’s me, darling. Self-serving and comfortable enough with myself to admit it. It feels lovely to be appreciated for that.”

Ah, but there was the Morgan that Miriam knew, the optimistic one. And Miriam handled it the only way she knew how. Poorly. “Yes, yes, all things, creatures, and people are made with goodness and kindness, even if it is deep, deep down I’m not a broken monster, just a sad one that needs to get her head out of her ass and stop feeling sorry for herself.” She sighed. “If I’m stuck, then there’s really no way to not be, at this point. It’s what’s natural, now, being like this, doing these things. I don’t care that they aren’t him or that they might understand. They’ll all hurt someone, in the end, if they haven’t already. Can you, in complete and total honestly, tell me that your magic never harmed someone? Your family’s magic? The magic of any little spellcaster that you know?” She just wanted Morgan to see what she was saying, if only for a moment. “Can you? I don’t think you can.” She was careful not to pull away, though she went impossibly still at Morgan’s touch. “Maybe if I pretend that everyone I’m slaughtering is a spellcaster, then it’ll get better, right? Play pretend with my own head. Just drinking blood doesn’t help. That’s where the hollow feeling comes from, darling. It’s the other makes me feel sated, at least for a time.” Didn’t last, though, but surely that was to be expected. Hunger always came back. She just hated that this was the hunger she felt. Miriam pulled away, smiling tightly. “I need another drink. I don’t suppose you want another brain smoothie?”

Morgan’s face wrinkled with embarrassment. “Sorry. I’ve been...having a time with a friend. A no-longer-friend. I don’t know. But I didn’t mean to drag that in here like it was…” She sighed. “I don’t want to be a person who puts her shit on other people and hurts them for it. I’m sorry. I...still don’t know how to process everything. I don’t know how two people can be so similar and yet so painfully different.” Hearing herself, she smirked. “Well, maybe I do but at least you and I don’t actually think we’re on the same page when we’re not. But you’re welcome, for appreciating you for who you are.”

She should have expected Miriam to go stiff at her touch. Morgan didn’t know if it was because she was afraid of being treated tenderly by someone who actually believed in her, of the softness it might bring out in her, or if in the middle of dying and coming back, touch had become something to fear, but whatever the cause, of course Miriam would run from Morgan trying to reach her long enough to try and stop her. She let go of Miriam’s hand, but came around to her side of the table, sitting close. “I never said everyone was inherently anything. I don’t believe everyone is inherently anything. I think we all have potential for a lot of things. Even you. And given how much has happened to me in the last—almost a year, now? Even just the last six months since I died—I don’t recognize myself sometimes. Of course we can change.”

Morgan deflated at the insistence that she consider Miriam’s point. And went silent, trying to figure out if there was a way not to screw this up. “I have hurt people before. Me, Morgan. Because I’m almost forty and a person, Miriam. But it wasn’t my alchemy or any other magic. I said and did normal, awful things because I was angry or scared or stupid or all of the above. Sometimes, I gave someone what I thought they deserved, as payback. I melted the tires off the SUV of this rude, cruel customer at the store I worked at. I gaslit a mail thief in my apartment building. But magic is just energy, Mim. It just is. And I also saved my own life and made something to help protect my girlfriend and spare cash so I didn’t fall behind in my bills. I made jewelry and charms for my friends so they would know I cared. Magic is everything and nothing. It’s too complicated to be bad. People just...do bad things with it. Sometimes. Because they’re people.” She reached for Miriam’s hand as she seemed ready to flee, take a breather. “Mim! We might not be on the same page, but you can’t honestly say that you’re so different than anyone else held together by magic. We never were that different, even when I was alive, even if we weren’t on the same page.” She let go, slowly, already wondering if she’d overstepped. “I’m sorry, if I’m— I just feel like you don’t want to be this way as much as you say you do. If there’s something someone can do to help you try something else, maybe I’d like to.”

“I really don’t mind, if you want to talk about it.” Truthfully, if it would get Morgan off her ass, Miriam would talk about trivial friendship dramas. “People are kind of the worst, Morgan. They really are. But I can imagine how disheartening that could be. I think that you and I can see each other’s differences and similarities, now. And, hey,” she smirked, “I haven’t outright lied to you about anything since that night in the bar.” She should return the sentiment. That’s what people did. They appreciated each other, were sincere with each other. Miriam was not taught sincerity. Charms and good looks rarely needed that. “I appreciate you as well, I hope you know. I wasn’t expecting a friend in you. I wasn’t expecting friends, in general.”

Miriam sighed as Morgan got closer, but it wasn’t awful. She wouldn’t push away, wouldn’t tense up again. She waved Morgan off, though. “I know. I know. But that always seems to be implied. To be good. To be kind. I’m more than aware of the belief in balance. I married into a prominent coven that believed in potential and the ever changing path of time. Nothing is wholly good. Nothing is wholly evil. Until, of course, one starts murdering said prominent coven.” Theo’s mother had threatened her with fire before Miriam had finally killed her. “Then they are wholly evil.” She shook the images away, the thoughts, the rush of the kill. A part of her had enjoyed it. Miriam was by far the bitch’s least favorite in-law. She adopted a lighter tone. “Dead things don’t change. Not truly, not where it counts. I really don’t know how many times I have to tell you, darling.”

Clearly, Morgan wasn’t understanding what Miriam had to say. “Yes, you, Morgan, have hurt people. Did you just use your words, your fist, or can you say, without a shadow of doubt, that you’ve never used magic to harm another person?” Miriam raised an eyebrow. “I agree, wholeheartedly. Magic is just energy. It has no morality. It’s the people that are the problem. Humans. We, they, weren’t meant to have that sort of power because it ends up hurting someone eventually. It ends up being used poorly, as you’ve just pointed out. It can certainly be used for good things. I can’t tell you how many of Theo’s family gifts were helpful and beautiful. In the end, though, they still harmed people. They misused what they were given. Magic’s a weapon. One would never give a knife to a toddler, would they? It’s irresponsible. People are what makes magic bad, not magic itself.” The muscles in her wrists twitched under Morgan’s hand, but she didn’t move it. “I cannot control the magic within me, and neither can you, Morgan. It’s not the same. We cannot harness that power for good or bad things.” Miriam stretched out her fingers. “Don’t apologize. It’s useless. I understand what you’re saying, and I wish you could do the same.” She looked away. “I’ve tried other options, you know. I’ve tried to be a regular vampire. It simply doesn’t seem possible.”

“I’m not asking you to be a regular vampire,” Morgan replied. “I would never do that, it’s not like that, Mim. But I don’t believe that you were made, down to your core, to torment witches just for being here. I think that’s your hurt and your fear talking. And I’m not even fully convinced that you’ve tried feeding on kinds of pain and suffering besides the physical, or suffering that you didn’t cause. I mean, unless there’s something you’re not telling me. I don’t know what you mean by options. And even so, I think you don’t really want to be this way. I think you’ve just told yourself it’s hopeless so many times, you don’t know how to believe anything else. I think you wouldn’t sound so sad if this was what you really wanted.”

Morgan moved closer to Miriam, straining upwards to stare her in the eyes, searching for a sign of hesitation, of longing, of something that made her more than what she pretended to be. “Tell me the truth,” she said quietly. “Do you want there to be something more to living like this? Do you want things to be different? Because it doesn’t have to be hopeless, and you don’t have to resign yourself to being owned by the way you’ve lived your life for so long.” She reached up and grazed Miriam’s cheek with her fingertips, cupping her face gently enough that she barely felt it on her own skin at all. “We can change, Mim,” Morgan said softly. Sometimes it’s just a little harder for us, but we can make our lives different. And I could help you try, if you ever asked me to.”

“Well, I can’t seem to find sustenance out of torturing those that aren’t witches, so, really, Morgan, I don’t know what else to do.” Granted, Miriam rarely tried to torture others, was sickened at the mere thought of it, and other people didn’t feel her with the same sense of injustice and rage that spellcasters did. She gritted her teeth against Morgan’s monologuing, refusing to even admit that some of what the zombie was saying was true. But she had caused people emotional pain and suffering, and it had sustained her. Just tormenting with Morgan that first time had been a meal in and of itself, even without breaking the woman’s wrist. But it just wasn’t the same if it wasn’t spellcasters. It couldn’t be. A part of her didn’t want it to be. “I’ve tried not hurting people,” she said. “It didn’t work. And I tried to stop myself, the first time, and the second, and many times after that. It’s not possible. It’s just not possible.” It wasn’t. Miriam had a lot of willpower, but not when it came to that.

“What I want is to drop this line of conversation,” Miriam said, attempting to school her features into a smirk. She needed to distance herself from this, from these feelings. It was becoming blatantly obvious that arguing with Morgan was about the same with arguing with a wall, or a child. Neither of them would get anything out of it, in the end. Of course she wanted more than this, more than neverending hatred and anger. She was even finding ways around it, ways to enjoy herself with other people. But she did not have to worry about wanting to kill Evelyn or even Morgan anymore. She did not have to worry when she was working or when the sun was in the sky and she could not afford to worry. “I am not hopeless, and I cannot change, and I am in no mood to try, after all this time.” It would not do, to change now when there were still people alive that blamed her for all the death and destruction she caused. Miriam would do well to make sure she earned every ounce of blame thrown her way. She brushed Morgan’s fingers away, undesiring and more than a little afraid of the comfort, though she made sure to at least appear unaffected. “And I would not ask for your help, Morgan. If it’s all the same to you, I’d rather not see anymore of the judgement in your eyes than I already have to.”

“Miriam, please--” Morgan didn’t have it in her to cling to Miriam, but she rose up all the same. “It’s not like that. I’m trying to tell you I believe in you. I see you, the version of you that’s lost and doesn’t know what else there is besides what you’ve always done. And I’m trying to tell you that you don’t have to be. You can try again, with help and resources, and it’ll be better than it was before. Maybe I just think you deserve a better existence than reliving their pain over and over! I mean someone does, right? And after all these years--why the hell not!” Morgan panted for breath out of words. She didn’t understand what it would take to get Miriam out of her defeatist pit, and there must be something, but she didn’t know what the magic words were. Slowly, she gathered her things from the table. “I care about you, Miriam. You just have to let me. Let someone.”

It was all Miriam could do to not narrow her eyes. She got it. She did. It did not need to be drilled any further into her skull. “And I do thank you for believing in me. I do. However, I am not quite sure you’re truly seeing me. You’re seeing what you want, or something ‘that’s lost,’ and not what’s actually in front of you.” She smiled, but it wasn’t nearly as sharp as she intended it. She had no real drive to lose her temper in front of the zombie, as much as Morgan was testing it. “Your desire to help me is noble and good, but I’m not particularly interested in going any further in this conversation, so either we drop it and attempt to enjoy the evening, maybe shift subjects to something besides my dietary needs, or we call it a night, hm?” She was closed off, now, done with this line of topic. She wouldn’t be bringing it up to Morgan any longer, either. Not the topic of food, or her past, or that nagging little ache in the back of her head that always seemed to come up when they talked about this. She softened. “I care about you, too, Morgan. That’s why I think we should drop this.” Please.

“Don’t worry,” Morgan mumbled, shouldering her bag. “I’m already leaving.” She hurried toward the nearest door but stopped short of stepping outside. “And it’s not your needs, Mim. You don’t need-- It’s what you’re willing to try. You’re worth more than this and--” And if Miriam hadn’t understood her five minutes ago, she wasn’t going to now. And maybe Morgan could explain how it burned to hear reduce witches, herself, down to the word diet like they were just brands of protein powder. How much harder that was to stomach after seeing Chloe in Lydia’s basement. “Dropping. Because you’re too afraid to handle this.” She grimaced, hating the sharpness coming into her own voice. She and Miriam were barely friends, how could they be when she couldn’t breathe a word about the Vurals to her? But she lingered in the doorway, aching at what felt like another loss, all the same. “I’ll let you know when my witch bitch is dead for real, I guess.”

“Really?” Miriam didn’t quite understand why Morgan leaving so abruptly was such a shock, but it was. She didn’t know what she’d expected. Of course they couldn’t have a relatively normal evening. Of course that was too much for a zombie and a vampire to contribute to the world. “You’re just going to-- Fine.” She knew she sounded petulant, childlike. Miriam had never been taught to handle not getting her way, and it showed every time something went poorly for her. This was no different. She bit the inside of her cheek, not even aware of how sharp her teeth were until she tasted her own bitter blood in her mouth. Her eyes were stinging a bit. She didn’t know why. “I am not afraid. This has nothing to do with fear. This is about-- about-- This isn’t about fear, goddammit.” Perhaps it was good Morgan was leaving, if she was going to cause Miriam to lose control of her words in such a way. “No matter,” she said sharply. She counted to ten, took a breath. Human things. Grounding things. She let the air in her lungs out as a low sigh. “I’ll still help you with your ghost problem, Morgan, and not simply because she was a witch. You just-- You know you only have to ask.” Then, she looked away. “I’ll talk to you soon.”

Morgan’s eyes spilled over as Miriam spoke. “Well, I don’t know what else to do. You are being very clear and after--” Morgan’s voice broke. After Jasmine, after Nell, after Lydia, after Remmy (and stars above she had never counted on losing Remmy), Morgan’s world felt like it was shrinking back down to its lonely, cursed sphere. “I’m so tired of losing people I care about. Of course I want to help you, make something different for you. And it is fear. I’ve been in self denial before and I know that sometimes the only thing worse than being right about how miserable you are is the possibility that you didn’t have to be this whole time.” She scrubbed her eyes with the back of her hand and straightened up. “If you ever decide taking on that fear is worth it, will you tell me? Ask me?”

“There is no fear,” Miriam said again, but she was far less certain this time around. Because she was afraid. Not of change. Change, probably, would be the easy part, if she really put effort into it, if she became hellbent on starving that darker part of herself. It would be the consequences that came with that change, the fact that she would have to apologize for everything she’d done, and that was…. Apologies for murder were not so readily accepted, and there were some consequences Miriam was not taught to deal with. That is to say that Miriam was not taught to deal with consequences of any sort. “I will reach out to you should I ever decide I want to change, but don’t waste your breath,” she muttered. “I’m comfortable not changing.” She turned away from the door and set about cleaning up her workspace instead. The prickling sensation behind her eyes wouldn’t go away. She didn’t know what to make of it because Miriam Flemming did not cry. Maybe she should just head back to Evelyn’s early; she obviously wasn’t going to get any work done.

“There’s always fear. And you can get comfortable with anything if it’s what you think you deserve, or all you think you’re allowed,” Morgan sniffled. “But it’s just not true. Whatever happens, you can have something more.” She lingered a moment longer, hoping that at any second Miriam might whirl around and say yes, I’ve changed my mind, help me stop, I don’t know how but I’ll try anything and stop. But for all her hope, that wasn’t something she’d be seeing tonight. She stepped outside and shut the door silently behind her.

#wr miriam #wr chatzy #wr miriam chatzy #wickedswriting

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lovemesomesurveys · 4 years

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survey by chihuahua 1~ What quality do you value most highly in others? I really admire driven, ambitious, motivated, passionate people. Go-getter type people. Hardworking people.

2~ Are you more aggressive or mellow? I’m definitely not aggressive, but I’m not mellow either. I was more so when I was younger and even just a few years ago, but these past few years have been especially rough and I just feel so...hardened? I’m so moody and easily irritated and frustrated and just not very pleasant. :/

3~ Who has made the biggest sacrifice for you? My mom, most definitely.

4~ Do you take any vitamins or medication? I take pain medication. I’m supposed to take a few vitamins, but for some reason I don’t take them.

5~ Do you want to grow old with someone? I mean, yes.

7~ What sound is annoying you right now? Nothing at the moment; I’m listening to an ASMR video.

8~ Where was your last vacation to? Disneyland back in February before shit hit the fan. It’ll forever trip me out how much changed shortly after that. Everything changed and it all happened so fast. I can’t believe we’re approaching the end of the year soon... this time last year we had no idea what was soon to come.

9~ Where was your last car ride to? To my doctor appointment and then with my brother to run an errand and grab some food before heading back home.

10~ Where did you last walk to? Well, technically, nowhere. Paraplegic here. ha. But anyway, uhh a few hours ago I went to the kitchen to make ramen and then back to my room in bed.

11~ What gives you a peaceful feeling? Being at the beach near the ocean, watching and listening to the waves crash in and out and feeling the cool ocean breeze. I just zone out.

12~ Are you a light sleeper? Ugh, yes.

13~ When you sleep next to someone who usually falls asleep first? They do.

14~ How many people have a piece of your heart? All my family, including my doggos.

15~ What do your salt and pepper shakers look like? We don’t even have any anymore, we just keep them in their containers that they come in at the store.

16~ When was the last time you hurt yourself? *shrug*

17~ Would you rather live in the city, suburbs or the country? Perhaps the suburbs.

18~ Have you ever built something? Simple things; stuff like Ikea end tables and shelves.

19~ Are you more of a maker and giver, or a taker and user? Not a maker, but a giver.

20~ Do you take naps? Yeah.

21~ Do you buy holiday gifts early or at the last minute? I start in November.

22~ Do you laugh when there is no joke and dance when there is no music? I might bob my head or something along if I’m singing a song to myself.

23~ If someone else were to describe you what would you hope they would say? Blah, I don’t know.

24~ What is the dirtiest habit you can think of? Uhhh.

25~ Do you ever need ‘quiet time’? Absolutely. I need my me time. Usually, that’s at nighttime when everyone else is asleep and I’m just in my room with the door closed doing my own thing, such as catching up on YouTube videos, watching/listening to ASMR, scrolling through Tumblr, and doing surveys. I have that time when I get up, too, cause it takes me forever waking up and finally dragging myself outta bed. I lie there checking my social medias and watching TV, sometimes read for a bit.

26~ Do you think it is harder for a parent to outlive their child or for th I’m going to assume the rest was supposed to say, “or for the child to outlive their parent?” Uh, I mean obviously the natural way of things is for the child to outlive the parent, but of course that doesn’t always happen.

27~ What was your best find from a flea market, garage sale, ebay or thrift? I don’t go to flea markets, garage sales, or thrift stores, but on eBay I’ve bought a few electronic thing for good prices.

28~ What is one selfish thing you tend to do? I feel like I’ve been quite selfish these past few years. :/ I pushed everyone away and completely ghosted them and it was for nothing they did at all. I’m just a mess. I also feel like such a burden and annoyance, but oh someone asks me to do something, not even a big thing, and I don’t feel like doing it. I usually end up doing it, but I feel irritated about it and it’s ridiculous. I’ve been so wrapped up in my own head and problems and I just feel like I haven’t been there for others like I could and should be.

29~ What kinds of people do you find intimidating? Serious people. Intelligent people. People of authority.

30~ Out of everyone you know who has the most unique personality? My brother.

31~ When do you do your best thinking? My mind always feels so jumbled. Doing surveys can sometimes help sort out my thoughts, though.

32~ What was a choice that you didn’t want to make but you had to? There’s been many of those.

33~ Have you ever written a letter to a soldier? No.

34~ What does your favorite coffee mug look like? It’s a Peter Pan one that has Peter and the gang on it. It’s blue on the outside and yellow on the inside.

35~ What age do you think it is most difficult to be? I don’t think it’s fair to compare. Everyone goes through their own set of struggles no matter what age they are. <-- <<<

36~ Do you think you could handle a day in jail? I would probably survive, but it certainly wouldn’t be easy. I feel like I’d be a complete mess even if I had to spend just a day in jail and that it would feel like the longest day ever. I would certainly have a hard time. 37~ Who is the most overbearing person you know? We have a family friend like that.

38~ Have you ever been on a trampoline? No.

39~ What do you use batteries for the most often? Not much it seems. The last time I used batteries was for my mist fan during the summer.

40~ Would you prefer to wrap your own presents or have them all gift wrapped? I like wrapping them myself. I need to get started on that...

#personal #text #survey #surveys

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husbandograveyard · 4 years

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Hewwo Hazel uwu 🔫😀👾😭😜😳⏰😏🎆💓?

Hewwo Bas! The UwU is strong today o(>ω<)o Thank you for your questions!

🔫 - Fave canon arc?

Thriller Bark. It made me laugh SO HARD. One piece is one of the few anime that genuinely makes me laugh out loud, usually im more of a “hmpft” blowing air out of my nose laught kinda gal, but one piece gave me a lot of joy and laughter, and mostly during thriller bark. Besides that, the fights and the general plot thickening and things coming together, and Zoro’s sacrifice all made this one of my top favorite archs! The pacing was very good as well, compared to, for example, Dressrosa.

😀 - Most favorite Straw Hat?

aaaaaa don’t make me choose This is very hard! The initial thought was Zoro because well it’s Zoro and most of his lines never fail to make me laugh. Robin is the one I admire most cause it’s the kind of lady idk if I wanna be her or be with her yknow? And Chopper also popped up because well.. he’s the absolute most adorable bean and I love him and his cuteness.

I’m gonna conclude a tie between Zoro and Robin, and Chopper can be on their shoulders being adorable? (´･ᴗ･ ` )

👾 - Fave villain?

Perona as far as she was an actual villain, her negative spooks are the best attack ever and no one can tell me otherwise.

In terms of bigger antagonists, probably the Charlotte family? I’m counting them as one, just for now, since they are all super interesting and I like seeing them on screen more than ceasar or moria or doffy and 100000x more than friggin Blackbeard (Imagine me using the ‘dinkleberg voice’ whenever I say blackbeard). Doffy is a good villain. But he makes me too mad so he only gets a flaminglemention and not the top spot ha.

😭 - Saddest scene?

Just like one piece is the series that made me laugh he most, it’s also the one that made me cry the most. Almost embarrassingly much. I ugly sobbed for a few hours straight around Ace’s death. I was spoiled, I knew it was gonna happen, but I did not know how exactly, so ehm from impel down on, every scene they showed him I teared up at least. (oops). BUT there was one other scene that made me cry a lot that I have to mention because I did not expect to cry for that moment. I knew about the time skip, I knew about the training, I knew they were gonna take some time off to get stronger. BUT I did not know how and when and the circumstances. The moment Kuma separated them, the agony and the helplessness. My heart. I could not take it. That was too sad.

Honorable mentions for the Bellemere scene very early on and saying goodbye to merry. Just too many heartbreaking moments but I feel that’s what makes the series so nice, you need to get hurt sometimes in order to get more attached to characters.

😜 - Funniest character?

Ehm. In terms of delivering hilarious one-liners and making me laugh while not actually being funny on purpose: Zoro. The dumb is too much and is hilarious. He says funny things while not being funny and there’s just too many peak comedy moments in him getting lost or ‘wanting to get made into a wax statue in this pose”.

Luffy gets a mention in situational humor too because that dumbassery is hilarious as well.

Other than that. Probably a tie between Usopp and Franky. It’s just so stupid, but the sheer simpleness of most of the humor makes it so easy to digest and look at!

😳 - Any crushes?

Any? Many! ehm, to not make this answer a couple thousand words long, quickfire! Ace, he has the charisma, the feralness, the politeness and the freckles. Shanks, he’s just the sweetest, sexiest mystery man who knows what his priorities are. Sabo, all the feralness, less of the politeness, all of the cuteness. His smile can revive puppies. Zoro: the Dumbassery, the muscles, the brutal honesty and that soff soff mossy hair. Kid: again, the dumbassery, the rudeness while still caring for his bunch of misfits. I love me a good tulip. Robin: The beauty, the grace, the humor, the fashion, the intellect. Again, dk if i want to be her or be with her. Vivi: The courage, the love, the sweetness amongst the badassery, step on me princess. Honorable mentions for Killer, A bunch of people showing up in Wano that I’ve only seen spoilers pop up for. And writing some character has had me reconsidering all the crushes all together. In conclusion: WHY IS EVERYONE IN ONE PIECE SO ATTRACTIVE??? safe for you Blackbeard honey, you could fall off a cliff and I’d applaud.

⏰ - How long have you been into One Piece?

Not that long at all. When I was 14? ish I started my anime journey. I watched 15-20? episodes of One Piece and hated it. Around that time one piece was somewhere in between 500-600 eps and I could not imagine ever catching up to that, especially since my strict parents limited my computer use to 3h a week.

Then a friend really got into it I think about 5? years ago and kept talking about it and how it was actually good. I was starting to do an effort to watch all the ‘big’ and ‘must-see’ anime and promised myself I’d watch One Piece, eventually.

Then this year at the end of October 2019 I actually started watching it. I had grown up a lot, and could now appreciate the anime way more for what it was? I fell in love and binged the entire thing in more or less six months with some small breaks in between for work, school, books, and other anime. Highly considering re-downloading so I can rewatch my favorite parts soon. My biggest problem is that once I love something, I go ALL IN and I will love everything about it and obsess. And thus this Tumblr was created as the hiatus started and I wanted something One Piece to keep me distracted. I eventually want to collect the manga but I now don’t have the space for it in my tiny room.

😏 - Favorite scene?

Sabo and Luffy reuniting! The reveal, the tears, the hug, and the ridiculousness of Luffy with the beard and all, just made it perfect. Absolutely loved it.

OH and Luffy punching the celestial dragon. The absolute energy in that scene made me grin like an idiot yet gave me goosebumps. Punch those slave-owning bitches luffy, thank you!

🎆 - Something you can’t wait for??!!

ALL of what is to come in Wano. I’ve been catching spoilers here and there and i just cannot wait! There’s gonna be so much reveals and new characters and comebacks and all the things I did not know I need in my life.

And I would like some more reveals on Shanks and his crew since we literally know next to nothing about them, besides the fact that even the admirals seemed to be at least wary of their powers and I just really need to know. (or not, since mystery adds to the charm).

I can’t wait for the abolishment of the government and the death/defeat of blackbeard (assuming that will happen at some point, a girl can dream).

💓 - Which character do you relate to the most?

SO HARD. Hardest question. Ehm... Ace and Usopp I think? I struggle with family a lot, but I have a chosen family that I wouldn’t trade for the world. I am hella insecure, but I try my best most of the time and I am extremely loyal, even though I have no particular talents, I try and help here and there and hopefully can make some people happy that way!

If you read all the way through here, thank you for coming to my Ted talk! It was so long („• ֊ •„) but it was also so much fun (ﾉ´��`)ﾉ*: ･ﾟ

#one piece #one piece ask #ask me anything #get to know hazel #proof that i talk to much #hazel actually rambles a lot #put me in front of a crowd with only a note one piece on it and ill talk for hours #even if the audience doesnt want to hear it #CAN I INTRODUCE YOU TO OUR LORD AND SAVIOR MR MONKEY D LUFF YALL?#Here is law he has no ass but all the regret #anyhow rambling even in these tags that no one reads oop #basilisa-scorpii

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lovenliterature · 4 years

Text

My thoughts on folklore

(all my personal stuff will be crossed out so u can skip if you want)

the 1

Giving me strong first love vibes

Highly vibe with thinking you’ve seen your ex when you haven’t, such a frequent experience

V much reminds me of Stan and like, its nice to imagine what could have been without disliking how things are

Like the line about how you should show if you want someone, prevents complacency and I like that, love is work and when you forget that inevitably it falls apart

It’s also kinda nice to realise how many things lead you to where you are - if one thing was different it would all change

Comfy reminiscence

Favourite lyric: in my defense, i have none/for digging up the grave another time

cardigan

feels quite a mature outlook on a relationship

V pragmatic

the first notes, straight into lyrics that just fill me with nostalgia

also like its not denying your feelings, you still feel like an old cardigan but you feel special AS that without changing

Peter losing Wendy is such a good line 10/10

Music vid gets points too tbh

Oof chasing shadows in the grocery line is high key relatable (literally being at uni with my ex anyone)

Stars around my scars now i’m bleeding feels like he’s distracting from the hurt he’s causing, he heals wounds while causing others god this is a mess

Favourite lyric: chase two girls, lose the one/when you are young, they assume you know nothing

the last great american dynasty

Probably one of the closest things to a bop on the album?

the font and background in the lyric vid are perfect

love the juxtaposition with the wedding was charming/if a little gauche and the parties were tasteful/if a little loud - it’s like she’s so close to being accepted but it’s always tinged with disapproval

Favourite lyric: either she stole his dog and dyed it key lime green or free of women with madness/their men and bad habits (the bridge is just stunning)

exile

god what do i even say about exile??

Made me fucking bawl my eyes out the first time I heard it

the two perspectives are just so relatable and heartbreaking

Choosing Bon Iver to collab with?? Perfect, the voices mesh so well and its just gorgeous

the opening verse is very relatable and its so well articulated and Justin Vernon’s voice just really hits home

the I gave so many signs is high key relatable and i really really feel that

Also just the concept of both of them being left with no home - 10/10, no breakup is seamless

Favourite lyric: like he’s just your understudy - it feels like you’re gonna jump right back in but you’re not, you’ve been recast

my tears ricochet

I didn't have it in myself to go with grace/And you're the hero flying around, saving face - big oooooof, such a good way of showing how victims are expected to be the bigger person and be grateful idk

‘Cause when I’d fight you used to tell me I was brave - This is so relatable, like whenever you cut ties/fall out with someone you love this is such a strong feeling, they’re usually the ones backing you up and now its them you’re fighting with and that’s hard to reconcile

the bridge!!! OMG!!

Favourite lyric: and I can go anywhere I want/Anywhere I want, just not home

mirrorball

Also one that’s close to a bop

And I’m still a believer and I don’t know why - I know its not about disillusionment with politics/humanity but for me it’s very much, I want to believe in the goodness of people but fuck it’s hard

Favourite lyric: you’re not like the regulars/the masquerade revellers

seven

My favourite song literally from the second I heard it

Like the whole vibe is so very me

and though I can’t recall your face/I still got love for you

Very much reminds me of Sam, I can’t remember that much about him but I can remember how close we were and how important he was to me and I wish nothing but good for him

Love you to the Moon and to Saturn - sounds like it was written for me at about 7, Saturn was my favourite planet and this was the kind of music I listened to at that age, just v nostalgic

Verse 2 is just my favourite part of the whole song, the melody, hiding in the closet, everything. That youthful naivety really makes me think of my friends when i was little. Even when i had problems with my own dad i desperately wanted to rationalise my friend’s dad’s anger to protect her and she practically did come live with us.

Favourite lyric: And we can be pirates/Then you won’t have to cry/Or hide in the closet

august

Wow this one has about a million and one different meanings for me

Summer fling, being used, reminds me of a CERTAIN SOMEONE, took place either side of August especially with the alcohol imagery

Whispers of are you sure? - first relationship, so good at making me comfortable, let me take the lead

Will you call when you’re back at school? - first relationship, long distance

I remember thinkin’ I had you, both situations, the non-relationship thinking it could be more and the relationship thinking I wasn’t gonna lose him

And I can see us twisted in bedsheets - first relationship, the first time we had sex and just the first times we were able to relax and be open with each other, really nice innocent memory

Favourite lyric: August sipped away like a bottle of wine

this is me trying

Back to December vibes

Also sad vibes, no fixing what you’ve fucked up but you’ve gotta try

I don’t wanna relate too hard because relating to it means thinking about things I can't fix

Favourite lyric: They told me all of my cages were mental/So I got wasted like all my potential

illicit affairs

Make sure nobody sees you leave/hood over your head, keep your eyes down

Feeling of hiding and being hidden, not sustainable

You feel like you aren’t worth loving, aren’t worth people knowing you love them

A drug that only worked/the first few hundred times

Hmmmm Patch who the fuck could this apply to????

Look at this godforsaken mess that you made me and For you, I would ruin myself

Value yourself higher boy but yes about a certain someone

Favourite lyric: And clandestine meetings and stolen stares/they show their truth one single time/but they lie and they lie and they lie

invisible string

Green was the colour of the grass/Where I used to read at Centennial Park juxtaposed with introducing him to Centennial Park - GORGEOUS, and highkey relatable

A string that pulled me/out of all the wrong arms, right into that dive bar - it’s always nice to see how relationships that didn’t work out can set you up for a better future

Favourite lyric: hell was the journey but it brought me heaven

mad woman

They strike to kill, and you know I will - yess bitch be angry

And there’s nothing like a mad woman - the notes and the delivery on woman give me CHILLS

The Pre-Chorus is gold, really relate to intensifying aspects of you that are criticised because yeah, fuck them

Favourite lyrics: No one likes a mad woman/what a shame she went mad/you made her like that

epiphany

Does this make me cry almost every time I hear it? Yes

The first verse being about war also makes me think about the mythologisation of healthcare workers as heroes, allowing governments to sacrifice them as martyrs

The melody of the whole song is gorgeous

Favourite lyric: Something med school did not cover/someone’s daughter, someone’s mother/holds your hand through plastic now

the medics are equipped to deal with the practicalities of treating people but not the emotions and not the feeling of not being able to help or even let someone die with their loved ones

betty

I am not sapphic but this gives me major sapphic vibes and I would die for betty

Give betty all the rights

Such a nostalgic vibe, fearless/fifteen/white horse/love story sound and i am HERE FOR IT

Also lots of red references and i love that

Really like figment of my worst intentions, turns a usually somewhat positive image upside down

In front of all your stupid friends? - really dude?? You cheated on her and now you’re insulting her friends??? What the fuck

Will it patch your broken wings? is a pretty line though

Favourite lyric: Would you tell me to go fuck myself?

peace

Natural assumption is that it’s about finding peace with a partner, i really like that it’s the opposite, committing to a relationship despite the chaos, despite the lack of peace

But I would die for you in secret - in the age of social media knowing someone has your back whether or not others are watching is so important (yes this sounds very pretentious i just mean like knowing that you’ve got that person no matter what is so important)

Favourite lyrics: Give you the silence that only comes when two people understand each other/Family that I chose, now that I see your brother as my brother

hoax

The vibe is just very calm and melancholy and i rate that

I am ash from your fire - this is such a good rep of toxic relationships, defined in relation to your partner, burnt by their bright flames, left behind

Favourite lyric: You knew it still hurts underneath my scars/from when they pulled me apart/but what you did was just as dark

#folklore #taylor swift #ts8 #my writing #music #lyrics #my thoughts on music

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goodnightmemes · 5 years

Text

ANGEL SEASON FIVE SENTENCE STARTERS

❛ You have reached Ritual Sacrifice. For goats, press 1 or say “goats”. ❜

❛ To sacrifice a loved one or pet, press the pound key. ❜

❛ Your run-on sentences have got a lot less pointless. ❜

❛ That’s why you’re going to lose. Because we possess the most powerful thing in the world: conviction. ❜

❛ I need to you initial here concerning your immortal soul. ❜

❛ News flash. You’re not cute when I’m angry. ❜

❛ He was fired. Oh, no, I’m sorry. He was set on fire. ❜

❛ A little tip. Try not to talk about things you don’t understand. ❜

❛ I don’t want to go. But it’s like, it’s like the ground underneath me is splitting open and my legs are straddling both sides of this bloody big chasm. It’s getting bigger. Pulling me in. ❜

❛ I know what’s down there, where it’s trying to take me. And it’s not the place heroes go. Not by a bloody long shot. It’s the other one. Full of fire and torment. And it’s happening. And I’m terrified… ❜

❛ How do you live with it? Knowing that you’ve killed people? ❜

❛ You don’t ever think about letting go? Disappearing somewhere? ❜

❛ If you separate yourself from the ones you love, the monster wins. ❜

❛ Is this the part where I say “who’s there?’ and something creepy happens? ❜

❛ I do deserve to go to Hell, but not today. ❜

❛ You think any of it matters? The things we did? The lives we destroyed. That’s all that’s ever gonna count. ❜

❛ So that’s it then. I really am going to burn. ❜

❛ Never much for small talk, were you? Always too busy trying to perfect that brooding block of wood mystique. God, I love that. ❜

❛ In my day, no self-respecting creature of the night went out on All Hallow’s Eve. ❜

❛ I’m busy. I’m brooding. ❜

❛ Hey, you want a piece of me, buddy? That’s right, keep walking. You walk alone! ❜

❛ Stop trying to be all valiant. You’re coming off like a self-pitying child. ❜

❛ Wow, turned on by a woman holding an enormous gun. What a surprise. ❜

❛ You never had any use for me as a child, and you can’t bear the thought of me as an adult. ❜

❛ Tell me, what is it that galls you so? That I was never as good at the job as you, or that I might be better? ❜

❛ If you’re here to tell me about how you killed your parents, perhaps it could wait for another time? ❜

❛ Is that what you think you are, a hero? ❜

❛ You never knew the real me. Too busy tryin’ to see your own reflection, praying there was someone as disgusting as you in the world, so you could stand to live with yourself. ❜

❛ Take a long look, hero. I’m nothing like you. ❜

❛ You made me a monster. ❜

❛ There’s no belonging or deserving anymore. You can take what you want, have what you want… but nothing is yours. ❜

❛ If you don’t kill, we won’t kill you. ❜

❛ Everything hurts, and then we die. Or in your case, everything hurts and… then you go on… and on… ❜

❛ Y'know, when you say it out loud it sounds really naïve. ❜

❛ Get a cab, you moron, and on the way, if a stranger offers you candy, don’t get in the van! ❜

❛ You’re empty. There’s nothing left. Just a shell. ❜

❛ Is pathological idiot an actual condition? ❜

❛ I never did think that much about the nature of evil. No. Just threw myself in. ❜

❛ I liked the rush, I liked the crunch. Never did look back at the victims. ❜

❛ I don’t mind torturing her for the team. ❜

❛ Doesn’t matter what you try. Doesn’t matter where I am or how badass you think you’ve become. ‘Cause you know what? I beat the bad guys. ❜

❛ I really do fall for dumb ones. ❜

❛ You know how you’re always trying to save, oh, every single person in the world? Did it ever occur to you: you are one of them? ❜

❛ I naturally assumed you’d be lost without me, but this? ❜

❛ You’ll win this in the end. I just wish I could be there to see it. ❜

❛ I can’t stay. This isn’t me anymore. ❜

❛ We take what we can get, champ, and we do our best with it. ❜

❛ Don’t ever go to a “free virgin blood party”. Turns out, it’s probably a trap. ❜

❛ I can keep it together, I can even handle dying, if I know it’s for a greater purpose. ❜

❛ Killing them’s not going to change the past. ❜

❛ We all need a reason to live, even if we’re already dead. ❜

❛ The vampire thing’s kinda sexy. ❜

❛ If cavemen and astronauts got into a fight, who would win? ❜

❛ Are you saying we should start annoying other people? ❜

❛ You wanna kill me. Try. I don’t have time for your quirks. ❜

❛ There’s a hole in the world. Feels like we ought to have known. ❜

❛ I walk with heroes. Think about that. ❜

❛ Would you have loved me? ❜

❛ I’ve loved you since I’ve known you. No, that’s not-I think maybe even before. ❜

❛ I’m not scared. Please. Why can’t I stay? ❜

❛ The girl of your dreams loved you. That’s more than most people ever get. ❜

❛ I avoided the major organs. He’ll probably live. ❜

❛ We cling to what is gone. Is there anything in this life but grief? ❜

❛ There’s hope that you’ll find something worthy. That your life will lead you to some joy. That after everything, you can still be surprised. ❜

❛ Look around. The world’s a cesspool, filled with selfish and greedy beasts. We live. We die. ❜

❛ Right, we need to set some ground rules. First off, no more punching me in the face! ❜

❛ You almost broke that guy in half! That was awesome! ❜

❛ These prophecies are turning out to be pretty overrated. ❜

❛ This whole fighting thing, I’m not… I’m not really sure it’s for me. ❜

❛ You gotta do what you can to protect your family. ❜

❛ I stabbed you. I should apologize for that, but I’m honestly not sure how. I think it’ll just be awkward. ❜

❛ My God, the speechifying! Has it ever occurred to you that right now might not be the best time for when-we-were-muck stories! ❜

❛ I’d claw my way back from the depths of hell to lay by your side. ❜

❛ Darling. It was just fornication. Really great fornication. ❜

❛ Let’s have a bath so the boys can weep in private. ❜

❛ You know, an ant with the best intentions or the most diabolical schemes is just exactly an ant. ❜

❛ Heroes don’t accept the world the way it is. They fight it. ❜

❛ About time we got our hands dirty. ❜

❛ For one bright shiny moment we can show them that they don’t own us! You need to decide for yourselves if that’s worth dying for. ❜

❛ Kill ‘em all. Burn the house down while we’re still in it. ❜

❛ We’re all one big happy Manson family. ❜

❛ I don’t remember what it was like. Being human. It was too long ago. ❜

❛ They’re all gone. Now it’s time you followed. ❜

❛ Let me say this as clearly as I can. You cannot beat me. ❜

❛ You don’t really think you’re gonna win this, do you? You don’t stand a chance. ❜

❛ People like you, who don’t care about anyone or anything, will never understand the people who do. ❜

❛ You drop by for a cup of coffee and the world’s not ending? Please! ❜

❛ Would you like me to lie to you now? ❜

❛ I wish to do more violence. ❜

❛ Let’s go to work. ❜

#ask meme #rp meme #sentence starters #inbox meme #sentence starter meme #rp inbox meme #angel the series #*mine #*angel #*tv

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