#I’d love to do one of cas but that would just turn into a tangent on how they obliterated his character and Ive already got a rant for that

[mcmactictac]

my upcoming exams:

the fictional little guys who will not leave my brain, that I want to do a full character analysis on because no one Gets Them Like I Do and the world needs to Understand: :)

[flowerflamestars]

Main Issues with Feysand's leadership: it mostly consists on rather inmature, underdeveloped strategy that would in no way get a world leader very far in the real world (see: 'i schooled my face into a look of boredom'), seem content in making enemies left to right as long as they never have to step down from the pedestal that they've built, and see Illyria as a necessary evil, like wtf. In conclusion, Rhysand is a governor for Velaris, but is not fit to be the ruler of the Night Court.

Rounding caveat, because I know I’m going to get shouty: the dividing line between ToG and ACOTAR is that tog is a fantasy series with romance, and acotar is a romance series in a fantasy world. They’re not the same. I’d be totally fine with how the world building in acotar is v handywavy, because it’s still accomplishing what the books set out to do (tell a love story, hello acomaf) but- BUT, it’s not consistent. And that inconsistency wildly undermines the characters.

And god, if Rhysand as a ruler isn’t the heart of ???? spirit.

We’re not going to talk about how the plot of acotar only makes sense backwards (Hey, Rhys, why did you want to kidnap every month a powerless mortal girl???), we’re just going to talk about reputation.

So Rhys is a villain who we learn isn’t actually evil. A classic. He was made to do terrible things by Amarantha! He sacrificed himself to save his friends! Of course the High Lords hate him, they think he sided with the enemy.

That could have been the whole thing- the layers pulled back, Rhysand also a victim, a reason for the world to hate him but for Feyre to see otherwise.

OKAY BUT- then we learn? that Rhysand has been playing Evil Scary Jackass in all political situations? for his entire reign? that’s just what he does?

Round two: Rhys had to be Amarantha’s because he had to “shield the knowledge” of his friends and his capitol? city. 

BUT- other people Under the Mountain, also accessible to Amarantha, know the IC??? have been acquainted with them for years? They’re not a secret. Mor was almost married out, Az and Cas are legendary, Amren is a story people tell. 

And all those people are probably incentivized by the fact that, you know, they think Rhysand is an evil traitor.

Furthermore: guess who willing cooperated with Amarantha? The Court of Nightmares. Recall who, surprise in acowar, knows all about Velaris: Keir.

Round three: Sexy Evil Cosplay, wherein we learn that not only instead of just keeping it together in politics Rhys has adopted an entire secondary persona, we learn he also...uses this persona...to scare all the other highborn faeries into submission....so he? never has to talk to them?

BUT ALSO: this whole thing is undermined by, once more, Keir. 

The whole game on the throne is to instill fear/ control of Keir. The whole Second Face. But Keir knows about Velaris? Keir knows exactly what Rhys stands for because Rhys and Cassian tried to rescue Morrigan from the Court of Nightmares when they were teens. Hell, Keir probably knew Rhys when Rhys was a kid.

It’s almost like eventually the person you pretend to be becomes who you are.

I think the Political Rhys vs Real Rhys started out as a plot point, but in character became this: not someone separate at all, but actually, Rhysand’s coping mechanism for making shitty choices.

See: if everyone in the Court of Nightmares bows, I’m ruling them. It doesn’t matter that women are being sold, that there’s servants and presumably totally normal people trapped in a mountain they can’t leave with people I think are monsters.

Let’s jump to Illyria. 

How much easier is it, for Rhysand, half-Illyrian himself, to align wholly with the High Fae and say: no, it’s Illyria’s fault. They’re savages, they’re barbarians. 

Easy as being a dick to other powerful men because it’s fun when they can’t fight back.

If the blame isn’t his, he keeps his army. He doesn’t have to fight a civil war that might swallow him whole, considering Illyria is the army he controls vs the High Fae soldiers left entirely under Keir’s rule. 

If it’s Illyria’s fault he can successfully reimagine the past as he clearly needs to (someday, I’ll make a whole ass post about Rhysand’s mommy issues and how they creepily bleed into Feyre’s characterization, but one thing at a time).

If it’s Illyria’s fault, he can’t be mad about his Mother, daughter of a warrior race, offering him up for brutal, dangerous training. It’s the fault of Illyria. He doesn’t have to imagine he was learning those things, fighting in the mud, because it was the only way his mother could pass the legacy, could say, look, this is where I come from and someday you will have the power to make it better for your sister, for everyone.

He LOVED his mother. He wears the sacred tattoos, manifests wings, has Illyrian “brothers”.

But- It’s Illyria’s fault, so Rhys didn’t fail, Rhys is doing his duty by keeping them in line. 

Which brings us to the war.

I’m unclear on why only the Night Court knew Hybern was coming, but let’s just accept that. 

But it’s all about the Public Face, moving in the shadows, the two Rhysands. So for the months Feyre is wasting away with Tamlin, planning her wedding Rhys...doesn’t warn anyone. Doesn’t whisper to the other High Lords to shore up defenses.

He makes a plan contingent on 1)that creepy deal with Feyre that he can now both justify and doesn’t want to enforce knowing she’s his mate, and 2) long lost magical objects no one knows the location of, and that don’t belong to him.

Rhys got SO used to the All-Knowing Dickbag face, it’s like he started believing he was all knowing. He’s one of seven Lords, but he doesn’t talk to any of them, on the off chance they don’t do exactly as he says. He steals from Tarquin, a young High Lord kind enough to take a chance on him. He tricks Mor. He lies to...everyone?

And then it’s a big deal, a failure on their part, when at the FINAL HOUR AND LAST MOMENT BEFORE ALL OUT WAR, AFTER THE SECOND INVASION HAS ALREADY COMMENCED, when the High Lords don’t jump to trust Rhys.

A step back, a Feyre tangent: Feyre, younger, also deeply traumatized, falls into this hard. Rhys tells her he’s the underdog, and she believes it. He’s SO SO SO powerful he can take the voice of another High Lord, Feyre herself thinks he’s so magical the gap between him and his contemporaries is like that between humans and high fae-

But hey wait, they don’t trust him because he’s been a dick for five hundred years. 

But hey wait, they came as their true selves, they don’t trust him while he’s WEARING ILLYRIAN WINGS- IT’S BECAUSE HE’S DIFFERENT-

No, it is not, but Feyre’s POV sort of wants us to think so.

And that’s where everything sort of falls apart.

The act of power has stopped being an act- it’s just their actions now. And they do not know how to stop.

Because they are in control, and they have to go on for the war. They have to keep making decisions, even if they’ve lost the thread, because they want to survive.

But they do survive.

And it turns out, even after that, they can’t put down the masks fused to their faces, because the act is the only thing keeping them together.

So the balls to the wall, We Must have the High Ground Even at Our Own Dinner Parties, The Center MUST Hold shit just keeps going: tearing down Lucien because he chose something that wasn’t their Court. Letting Illyria crumble because they don’t need the army right now. Banishing Nesta because she’ll never bow to authority.

All the weird, incestuous feeling inter IC drama.

But they’re the underdogs! the Heroes! It’s not their fault! 

So they spend their time in Velaris, charmingly hanging out like they’re normal people, thinking they’re better because power is wielded on an unimaginable personal scale.

Rhys loves his people! Rhys sacrificed!

Rhys...careened from one war/disaster to the next, and then settled down to play house?

The narrative cannot decide: is Rhys really an underdog, devoted to his people? How about he helps every other city that Amarantha destroyed?

Is Rhys a Normal Guy who just wants to walk on pretty cobblestone and have a cute, happy family? Maybe, there should be a government so he isn’t solely responsible for everything?

Is Rhys the Lord of Darkness Redeemed by LOVE?  Cool, let’s have him maybe he honest with Feyre exactly once, OR, at least talk about how him dying made her go off the rails and try to fix that with a bandage that isn’t baby shaped before Feyre’s 22nd birthday. 

Canonically, becoming High Lord is a mystical, magical endowment. That then, for the most part, functions as some kind of mashup Monarchy/ Feudal Lordship.

If that’s what it is, why can’t we lean into that? Rhys who does want a normal happy life with Feyre, trapped by the weight of immovable magic destiny.

King Rhys, duty bound to his bloodline and his people, torn between different ways to rule. 

Hell, Rhysand who really is a monster, because maybe Faeries are monstrous by human standards, who shows Feyre the beauty that lies beneath the brutality in a magic, surreal world where everyone is terrifying, but even monsters love.

[babygirl06301]

When Did Dean Fall In Love With Cas?

tl;dr: S11

I’ve wanted to talk about this since the show ended and the Spanish dub that broke Tumblr came out. So, when did Dean Winchester fall in love with Castiel?

This is entirely my opinion of course, and I know there are some people that will say it was right away or that it never happened at all, but I wanted to put my thoughts out there so other people could tell me their thoughts, too. I’ll probably get off on some tangents here and there, so feel free to send me any Destiel thoughts you’ve got.

Also, it’s worth noting that, to me, there’s a difference between falling in love and actually being in love. I mean, if you’ve fallen in love with someone, every point in your relationship has been a stepping stone to that point, so I guess it’s all abstract, but still. Hence, S11 being my answer to this question.

Keep in mind I’m doing this without the benefit of a recent rewatch, so I may miss some behaviors from Dean that would change a few things.

Warning: sappy stuff ahead; read at your own risk (also crappy images).

S4-5

I don’t think it’s that big of a secret that Dean attached himself to Cas, like, right away. I mean, the dude never talks about his emotions, and yet, it took eight episodes of Cas being around for Dean to break down in front of him and talk about his fears. It’s almost like you could say that’s because they were always meant to fall for each other.

However, I don’t really the think the process of falling in love with Cas had started yet. I do think that Dean cared about Cas, but I don’t think it was anything extremely special. Reason being: it was the literal end times and Dean didn’t have that type of time. That, and I think there’s something to be said for being raised a certain way and believing certain things about yourself that affects how long it takes for you to notice that something has changed. So, yeah. I don’t think Cas had been around long enough at this point for Dean to start feeling anything more than kinship with him.

That’s not to say, though, that Dean didn’t subconsciously find Cas hot or get the warm fuzzies sometimes because:

I mean, come on.

S6-7

So, this era is weird because I do think something had begun to change in how Dean saw Cas, but I don’t think he got to fully begin the process of falling in love with him because: a.) Cas betrayed them and b.) Sam’s head was broken.

I’m gonna say something rude now: I think a lot of the Destiel moments in the beginning of S6 were born of Dean needing Castiel’s abilities as an angel and not of needing Cas. For example, Dean calling on Cas to help with the Staff of Moses or with Soulless!Sam. He was usually pretty demanding and sometimes curt with Cas and got irritable when Cas couldn’t help.

However, I think that Cas always being there despite his battle in Heaven began to shift Dean’s feelings toward him. I do think this change was almost imperceptible, but you can see Dean showing more and more concern for Cas as S6 progresses. Like this:

This is the primary reason I think Dean got so defensive of Cas when Bobby and Sam started suggesting that Cas was working with Crowley. It’s also why he got so hurt when he found out that Bobby and Sam were right.

Here’s my super abstract and vague take on it: he’d started feeling romantic emotions for Cas, but as soon as Cas’s betrayal was revealed, it got replaced with pain. Basically, Dean almost started to fall for Cas in S6, and then the Purgatory storyline interrupted it.

And then Cas died. Which didn’t help.

Here we enter S7, which has fuck all for Destiel content beyond the first two episodes—until Cas comes back. I know some people are going to say not to gloss over the trench coat thing, and fair enough. I think the keeping of the trench coat was akin to Dean trying to hold onto what he did feel for Cas, obviously not consciously. Almost as though Dean could tell he’d lost something special when Cas died, and not just in losing Cas, but in losing part of himself, a part that he didn’t know existed yet. I don’t consider the trench coat to be a sign that Dean was falling in love with Cas but a sign that he was about to or that he could’ve. Is that weak? Whatever.

Now, I do think that some shit got shaken loose when Dean saw Cas again because, for all intents and purposes, he should’ve been pissed. But instead he was... whatever this is:

I still, more or less, think that he was too preoccupied with Sam to really begin falling in love with Cas. I think that’s clear to see in how he treated Cas after he came back into the story for the final battle with the Leviathan. He did give the whole “I’d rather have you” speech, but all the stuff before that was more along the lines of “Nobody cares that you’re broken, Cas! Clean up your mess!” So, yeah.

S8

Okay, so this is where the Purgatory stuff comes in. In the words of the great John Mulaney, “we don’t have time to unpack all of that,” but this is where I believe Dean started falling in love with Cas.

Dean told Sam that Purgatory felt pure because he could only focus on the fight at all times... but he still had the emotional availability to worry about and search for Cas, so...

If I had to pick an exact moment, I’d say somewhere around here:

And thus, rather than just keeping a trench coat when he lost Cas, Dean literally rewired his own memories because he would rather think that he left Cas behind than think that Castiel chose to leave him.

From here, we can start seeing Dean paying attention to Cas more, noticing when he’s not being himself, and more than that, worrying about him in a more personal way. For instance, when Dean insists that Cas talk to him about what’s bothering him in “Hunteri Heroici.” Not to mention, Dean becomes a lot more emotionally vulnerable regarding his feelings for Cas. One example would be when he insists that he didn’t abandon Cas in Purgatory. Another would be, of course:

I would also mark this season as the season Dean’s prayers to Cas become more emotional and, at times, cathartic, as though he’s confiding in Cas. In “Remember the Titans,” for example, Dean prays to Cas to ask him to look out for Sam; the scene reads like Dean is asking for help but is, in equal measure, asking for Cas. This is also the first season an adversary pokes at Dean and Cas’s relationship in a way that specifically targets Dean and his feelings about Cas rather than Cas’s feelings about Dean as it had been before; this would be when Naomi says “You’re hoping Castiel will return to you.”

S9-S10

Well, these seasons are complicated to say the least because of Gadreel and the Mark of Cain. I don’t think, at this point, Dean ever stops feeling what he’s feeling for Cas. However, I do think that a lot of the hiccups throughout S9 and S10 made Dean step away from those feelings.

Of course, Dean is still stressing about Cas 24/7 in the beginning of S9 what with Cas being human, Cas being hunted, Cas dying, Cas working at a Gas-n-Sip—you know, drama. I think when Gadreel said that Cas needed to stay away if Dean wanted Sam to be healed, Dean had to let what he was feeling for Cas go—not that that means he stopped feeling it, mind you. No, I don’t think Dean consciously went, “Well, guess I’m done falling for this dude,” but I think he knew somewhere in his heart that it wasn’t the time.

Now, the Mark of Cain. The storyline that put the characters down on the page once and left them stagnant and unchanging until it was resolved. Now, as you might imagine, slowly turning into a demon that wants nothing but death would put a damper on any relationship. Finding Destiel in the B season for S9 and throughout S10 is hard. Especially on Dean’s end. 

There are moments when you can tell that Dean’s feelings for Cas are still there, and I would say, developing slowly, like the cheeseburger date. Probably the biggest Destiel moment in the entire Mark of Cain stretch is when Dean nearly kills Cas but resists, despite the Mark’s hold on him.

That’s really it, though. No backwards movement, but barely anything trending the opposite way, either.

S11

This is the Big Season™, the one I believe Dean fell in love with Cas in. Now, obviously, it isn’t like Dean lost the Mark, and boom, fell in love with Cas. Plus, there’s the whole pull-to-Amara thing. However, I don’t think falling in love necessarily has to be a big moment; I think it can just happen, and I think that’s what happened with Dean. At some point between the start of this season and Cas being released from Lucifer’s possession, Dean fell in love with Cas.

That being said—if I was really reaching for a moment—I wouldn’t say it happened during a happy scene. I’d say Dean fell in love with Cas when he lost him.

I know that sounds weird, that Dean didn’t fall in love with Cas completely until he realized Cas had been possessed by Lucifer, but in my head, it fits. I think it’s because Dean is so emotionally closed off and tries not to let his emotions show if he can help it that it took knowing that Cas was gone for that last switch to flip in his heart.

So, now Dean is in love with Cas, but Cas is Lucifer. I’d say this has something to do with the fact that, even though Dean is supposed to be attached to Amara, he still calls out for Cas even though Amara is right in front of him.

Considering the fact that Cas comes back in the literal last episode—at least, that’s when Dean realizes he’s back—there isn’t a whole hell of a lot of time to see how being in love with Cas has changed Dean. We do get the “you’re our brother, Cas” scene, but seeing as how that’s pretty inconsistent with everything that comes afterward, let’s just chalk that one up to bad writing and/or Dean being dense.

S12

Alright, so my post should be done, yeah? I’ve answered the question I’ve set out to answer. However, there’s still more to talk about here. When did Dean first sense that what he felt for Cas was different? When did he have an inclination that it was romantic? When did he know for sure?

That’s why we’re here in S12. Now, S12 is the most Destiel-heavy season in the entire series. In my opinion, while it does have many of the best Destiel scenes, it doesn’t have the best Destiel scene. However, as far as number of moments, S12 takes it.

This is where we really get to see how being in love with Cas has changed Dean. Realistically, I think this has a lot to do with S12 being the beginning of the Dabb era because this era marked a change in tone for both Castiel’s character and his relationship with Dean. Dean began to worry about Cas a lot more frequently and, as a result, got mad at him a lot more, too. I see S12 as the season that Dean moved away from simply being worried about losing Cas to being terrified of losing Cas. And that translated into anger any time Castiel put himself in danger. For example, killing Billie. Any other time, the threat of losing Cas translated itself into fear, like when Cas nearly died from being stabbed with the Lance of Michael.

Of course, the mixtape is also in this season, which is another example of how being in love with Cas has affected Dean. I could probably make an entirely seperate and very long post regarding Destiel in S12, but the general idea is that Dean’s newly found love for Cas made a big difference in how he treated Cas.

S13

Alright, S13 stands outs to me because I believe this is when Dean first realized that Cas meant something more to him than a friend and that he felt differently about him than he did about his family. Again, I don’t think that Dean actually thought those exact words, but I think his heart knew them to be true even if he mind didn’t. Reason being: Cas had just died. Which is the first time Castiel has died since Dean fell in love with him. Dean knew he needed Cas, in a way he hadn’t really realized it before. Which is why he demands that Chuck bring him back.

Then Cas comes back, and it’s like Dean forgets what hopelessness and misery are because Cas is his “big win.” After this, honestly, there isn’t much else by way of emotional development for Dean regarding Cas, but I see that as a good thing. It’s a sign that, though Dean hasn’t realized it yet, being in love with Cas is comfortable for him. There are still expressions of concern for Cas’s wellbeing throughout the season, but mostly, we just get to see Dean be content with Cas.

S14

Alright, S14 a.) mostly saw Dean’s feelings much in the same place as they were in S13 and b.) just kidding because Dean tells Cas that he’s dead to him in this season.

To be fair, if we’re talking Destiel, there’s more of it on Castiel’s end this season than there is on Dean’s because Dean is dealing with Michael. There are a couple moments that stand out to me as moments where Dean’s love for Cas comes through: when Cas asks Dean if his plan to trap himself in the Ma’lak Box means that they’re supposed to say goodbye and when Dean confides in Cas about how he’s handling keeping Michael trapped. In the former scene especially, I think it’s clear to see how much the idea of saying goodbye to Cas affects Dean.

And then we get to “Absence,” which is the episode where Dean tells Cas that he’ll be dead to him if Jack killed Mary. Now, going off on a tangent here to explain how this ties into Dean being in love with Cas, let’s talk about when Dean gets mad at Cas.

When Dean gets mad at Castiel, it’s always out of pain. I think that’s a very unique effect that Cas has on Dean that no one else does, and I believe it’s because Dean gets so overwhelmed with the emotion of betrayal that all he can do is push Cas away. Why a feeling of betrayal? Well, in this case, it’s because Cas knew something was wrong with Jack and didn’t say anything. I think that, as Dean fell more and more in love with Cas, his expectations and feelings for him grew, and because of that, when he feels like he’s been let down by Cas, it turns into rage. 

When Dean walks away from Sam, it’s usually because he’s either worried or angry. With Jack, he walked away because of anger, maybe even disgust. But with Cas, it’s always pain; it’s always because Dean feels like he’s been personally betrayed in a way that has nothing to do with worrying about Cas and everything to do with wanting to hurt Cas back. It’s almost a selfish sort of anger, which is actually a positive for Dean’s character since he rarely puts himself first.

To me, the way Dean gets mad at Cas—especially in S14—is so personal and unique that it serves as proof as to why Dean is in love with Cas. So, even though the “then you’re dead to me” line is so damaging, it’s still a result of Dean loving Cas.

S15

Last season. The hardest season by far, for a lot of reasons. I’m not going to get into the lack of closure the ending of this show gave us in terms of Dean and Castiel, and I’m not going to talk about this final season in conjunction with the Spanish dub—just what I, as an English speaker experienced in canon since that’s what was intended in the final cut—but I will talk about everything else. There’s three episodes/points I’m going to hit with this season, and I’m sure we all know them: “The Rupture,” “The Trap,” and “Despair.”

I’ve already discussed why Dean’s anger points to his being in love with Cas, but I think the important thing to note with “The Rupture” is that Dean still didn’t want to lose Cas, even in the moments when he was hurting Cas and pushing him away.

There’s still a couple questions I’ve asked that I haven’t answered yet, and one of them will be answered with “The Trap.” I think this episode—and really, the moment Cas told him he heard his prayer—marks the first time that Dean considered that his feelings might be romantic. I don’t know how clear those thoughts were or if Dean told himself he was wrong afterward, but I do think that that scene was the beginning of possibility for Dean and Cas. Had they had enough time, they would’ve decided to be together, and that scene is where they both really felt it for the first time—even if they didn’t believe the other felt the same way.

I’ll be honest: I really don’t want to talk about “Despair” because it’ll just make me sad. Alas, there is one question that still needs to be answered: When did Dean know that he was in love with Cas?

When it was already too late. Much like in S11, I think it took Dean losing Cas to realize how he felt about him. The difference here is: I think Dean would’ve realized it regardless; hearing how Cas felt about him and then losing Cas just forced it. Had Cas not died, I don’t believe it would’ve been too long before Dean realized it naturally, and that’s the most frustrating thing about this scene is that Dean didn’t have to learn how he felt through the trauma of losing Cas.

I’m not trying to diminish this scene because, had there been closure—and proper editing—I’d say this scene was the perfect avenue for Castiel’s character to go down because it would mean that, when he came back, he could be with Dean.

Again, I’m not getting into the semantics of the final couple episodes or how they handled Destiel because it’ll just make me mad, but I think Dean realizing he was in love with Cas was just as big of a factor in him seeing himself differently as Cas’s speech was. I think Dean wanted to honor Cas by being the person Castiel saw him as; I think Dean wanted to live as a man worthy of being loved by the man he fell in love with.

Anyway, that’s my take on when Dean Winchester fell in love with Castiel based on what canon gave us. As someone who had been very realistic about the possibility of Destiel over the years and had never truly hoped for it in canon because I knew better, I have never been more convinced that Dean is in love with Castiel as I am now, after the show has ended.

I don’t think I can say I believe he was in love with him all along, but I believe that his story, their story, of falling in love is real and true, however long it may have taken. I’ll never say goodbye to these two, but I’m happy that I can at least walk away from this show knowing that they found each other in the end, even if their ending didn’t do justice to their legacy.

Let me know when you think Dean fell in love Cas or vise versa. I’m curious to know what you see in their relationship. I don’t think I’ll be making a post like this for Castiel because, in my opinion, Cas fell in love with Dean rather quickly—his journey was just realizing what that meant. Anyway, thank you for reading this, and thank you for being a part of this twelve year long love story that is Destiel.

[shadowywerewolfqueen]

Ladies

Suptober Day 13: Ladies

Dean was standing in front of his floor length mirror, a shirt held in each hand. He kept bringing each shirt in front of him and stared at himself, trying to figure out which shirt he should wear for his date tonight.

“You should wear the green one, it brings out your eyes,” Sam said from behind him.

Dean dropped the gray shirt to the ground in surprise. He scooped it off the floor before turning around to look at his brother with a glare. “Don’t sneak up on me like that!”

Sam pushed away from the doorway and walked further into the room. “Sorry. Are you actually nervous about this date?”

Dean huffed and threw the gray shirt on the bed. “Well, yeah! You said you had the perfect date for me!”

Sam grinned. “Oh, I do! Not to mention, it will be a double date with my friend, Cas. He’s totally chill, a little dorky but a really nice guy. I really think both of you are gonna like what I planned for you guys.”

“I’m just looking forward to meeting Charlie,” Dean said, grabbing his jeans off the bed and walking into the bathroom. He walked out a few minutes later, dressed in a pair of black washed out jeans and a green long sleeved dress shirt. He ran his hands through his hair, spiking it a little bit before spraying a few puffs of cologne. He slipped into his loafers and then looked at Sam expectantly.

His little brother nodded. “Looking good! Charlie is gonna love you!”

Dean grinned jauntily. “That’s what I’m hoping for. So, I’m meeting Charlie, Cas, and Morgan all at Luigi’s, correct?”

“Yep and you better get going or you’re gonna be late,” Sam said.

Dean grabbed his car keys and wallet off his bedside table. “Alright, I’m going! You’re the best little brother ever!”

Dean hurried to his car, Sam’s voice echoing behind him. “Good luck and have fun!”

Dean smiled when his beloved Impala came into sight. He rubbed his hand along her side lovingly as he slipped inside. He turned the key and the engine roared to life. He pulled out the garage and headed to Luigi’s, the best Italian restaurant in town.

As he drove, Dean thought about his date. He had never told Sam that he was gay, but somehow his little brother had figured it out. He wasn’t scared to tell Sam, he knew his brother wouldn’t care, the timing had just never been right. When Sam had told him about the double date, he had been nervous at first. According to Sam, Charlie had short red hair, green eyes, was a book nerd, and was going to school to become a computer engineer. Charlie didn’t sound like Dean’s idea kind of date but decided to give the guy a chance at Sam’s insisting.

He pulled into the restaurant parking lot fifteen minutes later and headed to the entrance. Sam had described Cas and Morgan as well, so he had an idea of the people he was looking for. He spotted a group of three sitting on benches and headed towards them. There was a guy that fit Cas’ description to a T: raven black hair, ocean blue eyes, strong chin with stubble, trim waist, thick thighs, and wearing a trench coat. He was honestly the most gorgeous guy Dean had ever seen and he felt his cock jerk in his jeans.

As he got closer, his smile fell. The two people next to Cas were not what Dean was expecting. There weren’t two guys sitting next to Cas, one with red hair and green eyes and the other with dark blonde hair and brown eyes. Instead, two ladies were sitting next to Cas who matched the descriptions Sam had given Dean. 

Three heads snapped up at Dean’s approaching footsteps. He forced a smile back on his face as he stepped in front of them. The redhead stood up and held her hand out. “I’m Charlie! Nice to meet you; Sam has told me a lot about you.”

Dean shook her hand and said, “I’m Dean, nice to meet you too. Sam has told me quite a bit about you.” Dean whispered under his breath, “Although, he left out a few major details.”

“What was that?” Charlie asked.

“Nothing.” Dean turned to the other two people. “You must be Cas and Morgan.”

“Hi Dean,” Morgan said with a small wave of her hand.

Cas got to his feet and held his hand out. “Hello Dean.”

Dean shivered at Cas’ deep voice. It had a low timbre to it that stroked over Dean’s nerves, causing goosebumps to spread across his skin. He desperately wished that Cas was his date rather than Charlie. He shook Cas’ hand and nearly whimpered at how warm the other man’s skin was. “Hi Cas, it’s really nice to meet you! Sam is always talking about his dorky best friend who is going into zoology.”

Cas gave a short laugh. “Yes, well, that is a very accurate description. I’m not the best in social situations, and I have a habit of going on long tangents about bees and their impact on the environment.”

Dean smiled warmly. “He may have mentioned that once or twice.”

“Hello, are we gonna go inside or just stand out here all night?”  Morgan asked.

Cas and Dean broke apart. “Yeah, let’s get this party started,” Dean replied. He held the door open and let the three of them inside before following.

He told the hostess there was a reservation for four under Winchester. “Yes sir, it’s right here. If you’ll please follow me.”

They followed her to a booth where she set the menus down, told them their waiter would be with them soon, and walked away. Cas and Dean slid in first on opposite sides even though Dean wanted nothing more than to be pressed up against the other man’s lithe frame. Charlie slid in next to Dean and Morgan sat next to Cas. 

Their waiter appeared, took their drink orders, and then went to go get their drinks.

“So, what’s everybody getting?” Dean asked.

Morgan set the menu down and replied, “I’m getting what I always get. Caprese salad and eggplant lasagna. I’m vegetarian.”

Dean barely kept the frown off his face. Thank God, Sam hadn’t set him up with Morgan. There was no way a meat man such as himself could date a vegetarian. “I hope you don’t mind me ordering the meat lover’s lasagna then,” he said.

Morgan shook her head. “Everybody has their preferences. Meat is not mine.”

“Well, I’m with Dean. Their meat lover’s lasagna is the best item on the menu along with their Tiramisu Icebox Pie,” Cas said with a grin.

“Cas, you’re a man after my own heart. Meat and pie are the two main staples of my diet,” Dean exclaimed. “I don’t normally go to fancy places like this. I would prefer a beer, a burger, and a slice of pie over this any day.”

Cas nodded. “So would I. I tried to get Sam to let us meet at the Roadhouse, but he said it wasn’t fancy enough for a double date.”

“He better not let Ellen hear him say that,” Dean replied.

“You know Ellen?”

“Yep. She’s married to our Uncle Bobby. We practically grew up at the Roadhouse. Her barbeque bacon burger was my idea. It’s become one of her best sellers,” Dean said proudly.

“No way, that’s one of my favorites! Her apple pie is the best thing I've ever put in my mouth,” Cas said with a dreamlike sigh.

“Does anybody care what I’m having for dinner,” Charlie cut in.

Dean finally looked away from Cas. “Oh, yeah sure. What are you having?”

Charlie made a “humph” sound before saying, “I’m gonna do the spaghetti. I’m not a vegetarian like Morgan but I do try and limit my meat intake.”

Dean tried to cover his groan by taking a sip of his coke that the waiter had brought a few minutes ago. He was going to strangle his little brother. Even if Dean was into chicks, Charlie would not be it for him.

“That’s cool. The spaghetti is really good,” Dean said.

The waiter returned, took their orders, and left them alone once more.

“So, do any of you guys already know each other?” Dean asked.

Cas shook his head. “No, I don’t. I don’t have many friends in general. Like I said, social interaction isn’t my thing.”

“How did Sam convince you to go on a double date then?” Dean inquired.

Cas glanced at Morgan from the side of his eye before looking back at Dean. “He told me he had picked out a date for me who might be my perfect match.” From the way he spoke, Cas was thinking the same thing about Sam that Dean was.

“Yeah, he told me the same thing. Fancy dates like this aren’t really my thing. I’d prefer to go to the movies or a walk on the beach or in the park. But he begged me until I finally agreed,” Dean explained.

Cas grinned. “That sounds much better to me as well. Obviously, I enjoy going to the zoo or an aquarium or even a museum. Somewhere I can be more relaxed. Fancy places like this have such high expectations from its patrons.”

“I totally agree. I’ve only worn this shirt like twice. My normal getup is jeans, boots, a t-shirt, and a plaid overshirt. I’m glad being a mechanic lets me dress like that. I couldn’t imagine having a job where I had to dress up every single day,” Dean replied with a large smile.

“While zookeeping requires a uniform, it’s all khakis which is quite comfortable. I agree that wearing a suit and tie all day would be annoying.” Cas looked down at the blue suit, white dress shirt, and blue tie he was wearing. “I only own this one suit and it usually hangs in the back of my closet. I’d rather be in my trench coat, jeans, t-shirts, and Converse.”

“If the two of you hate going to fancy places and dressing up so much, then maybe you shouldn’t have come in the first place,” Morgan snapped. She herself was dressed in a knee length light pink chiffon dress.

“I’m not super fond of dressing up either,” Charlie piped up. She was wearing a purple blouse and gray dress pants. “I’m with the guys on the jeans and t-shirts.”

Morgan rolled her eyes. “You’re all a bunch of uncultured swine.”

“Cupcake, be nice. Not everybody likes to dress up like you do. Leave the guys alone,” Charlie chided.

“You two know each other?” Castiel asked.

“We would have told you, but you two started talking to one another again,” Charlie said a little crossly. “Morgan and I have known each other for years. We went to high school together. I call her cupcake because that’s her favorite dessert.”

Cas nodded. “Ah. So, how did you two meet Sam?”

“Same as you I’m sure. We had a gen ed class together. I met him when we took Intro to Philosophy together. Morgan met him in Human Sexuality,” Charlie explained.

The waiter reappeared with their food. He passed it all out, refilled their drinks, and left them to their meal.

“Dean, you said you were a mechanic. What is that like? I’ve always admired a man who works with their hands,” Cas said with a sly smirk.

Dean blushed at the obvious flirtation. “It’s great Cas! I got hooked when I had to rebuild my Chevy Impala that my dad wrapped around a tree. I got my license and have been working for my uncle for years now. Once he retires, he’s leaving the business to me. Working on cars is like a giant brain game. You have to figure out what pieces aren’t working and then replace them. Sometimes, the problems are obvious and other times, it’ll take me hours before I figure out what’s wrong. Getting to be outside and blast my rock music while I work is a plus.”

“Oh, I love rock music. My favorite band has to be Queen but my favorite song ever is Stairway to Heaven,” Cas said before taking a bite of his lasagna.

“Dude, Queen and Zep are awesome! ACDC is probably my favorite but Simple Man and Hey Jude are my favorite songs. My mom used to sing Hey Jude to me every night before bed,” Dean said with a fond smile.

“That’s very sweet Dean. Sam has never really talked about your parents much,” Cas said.

Dean dropped his gaze. “That’s because they’re both dead. Mom died in a freak house fire and dad died when he totaled the Impala. My mom I miss a lot, but my dad became a mean ole drunk so I don’t miss him as much. I know that’s bad to say, but it’s the truth.”

Cas reached over and rested his hand atop Dean’s. “I’m so sorry Dean. My parents aren’t dead, but we haven’t spoken in many years. They didn’t approve of me being… of my sexuality. If it wasn’t for my brother, I’m not sure where I’d be.”

Dean turned his hand so their palms slid against each other. “That’s awful Cas. I’m sure my old man wouldn’t have approved of… my sexuality either. Sam was what kept me going all these years.”

“I’m gonna head to the bathroom,” Morgan announced after finishing the last of her dinner.

“I’ll go with you,” Charlie nearly shouted.

Dean and Cas barely paid them any attention. Their hands were still touching and their eyes were locked with one another. They wore matching smiles as they stared softly at each other.

“Uh Cas, I need to tell you something,” Dean said.

“Go ahead,” the other man encouraged.

“When I said my dad wouldn’t approve of my sexuality, I’m sure you assumed I was bisexual or something else since Sam set me up with Charlie. The truth is, though, I’m not really into the ladies. I’m gay. I’ve never told Sam, not because I was scared but because there was never the right time. When he talked about setting me up with the perfect date, I thought he had figured it out. I can’t tell you how disappointed I was when I saw Charlie was a girl,” Dean explained.

Cas smiled brightly and brought his other hand up to rest on Dean’s. “I wasn’t happy when I saw Morgan. When Sam said Morgan, I assumed it was a guy. Now that I think about it, he never actually used pronouns to indicate her gender either way. I guess he doesn’t know me very well either since I’m also not into the ladies. I’m gay as well. I’ll be honest, the only person I’ve had eyes for all night is you.” Cas dropped his gaze as a blush spread across his cheeks. He whispered, “I may have had to talk my dick down like half a dozen times already.”

Dean squeezed Cas’ hand. “Dude, the moment I saw you in the parking lot, I felt my dick perking up. I’ve thought about Sam in a bikini more times than I’d care to admit tonight.”

Cas chuckled. “Would you be terribly upset if we told the ladies the truth and then got out of here? Maybe we could go for a walk along the boardwalk?”

“I’d love that, Cas,” Dean replied, his eyes sparkling merrily.

Just then, Charlie and Morgan showed back up. Dean did a double take when he noticed they were holding hands. Charlie looked at them with a grin. “Look boys, Morgan and I talked, and we decided we need to tell you the truth. We aren’t straight or even bi. We’re lesbian and together, for years now.”

Morgan nodded. “Yeah, this whole thing was Sam’s idea. He assumed the two of you were gay and thought you guys would make a great couple. We told him to just set the two of you up directly, but he thought this whole double date idea would be better just in case he was wrong about you being gay. Especially since neither of you ever told him to his face.”

“If he knew, he could have said something,” Dean snapped. 

“So could you,” Charlie retorted.

“Whatever,” Dean grumbled. “Uh, we’re sorry if you didn’t have a good time tonight.”

Morgan waved her hand at him. “Psh, it was entertaining as hell watching the two of you. You’ve had heart eyes for each other the moment you saw one another. You’re like two cute puppies.”

Charlie nodded. “I totally agree! You guys make an adorable couple. Anyways, Sam gave us the money to pay for dinner. We’re gonna get on out of here and let you two enjoy the rest of your night together. Maybe we can all hang out at Dean and Sam’s place sometime.”

Charlie dropped more than enough money to pay for dinner on the table as Cas and Dean stood to their feet. They all walked out the restaurant and exchanged hugs before the ladies headed off to a bright yellow Volkswagen Bug. 

Once they were gone, Dean turned to Cas. “I guess Sam was right.”

Cas tilted his head. “How so?”

“Well, he told both of us that he was setting us up with the perfect date. I gotta tell you Cas, you’re my every wet dream come to life,” Dean said as he reached for the other man’s hand.

Cas wrapped his fingers up with Dean’s. “I definitely have a thing for green eyes and freckles. I will enjoy being able to kiss every single one of them someday.”

“That’ll take you quite a while. I have them everywhere and I mean everywhere,” Dean replied with a smirk.

Cas stepped into Dean’s personal space. “I look forward to kissing every single one.”

“Well, I know one you can kiss right now,” Dean said cheekily.

Cas raised a single eyebrow. “That so?”

“Yep, I’ve got one right in the middle of my top lip. You wouldn’t be able to see it in this light, but I promise you it’s there.” Dean looked at Cas with a bright smile on his face.

“Hmm, well then, I guess I better get started,” Cas said before closing the distance between them and sealing his mouth over Dean’s.

[mittensmorgul]

eeeee I’m very happy that a dead Cas is now officially chuck's ideal ending. (Kind of? I mean,,,, he told Sam that what he showed him is what would happen if TFW won, but it was still the ending *Chuck* has been wanting.) either way! It’s now textually part of the What We Absolutely Can’t Let Happen package!

Lol, I mean, a dead Sam and Dean are officially part of Chuck’s ideal ending, so it’s kinda like... if Chuck is targeting you like that, if he specifically and horrifically wants you off the table that bad because he knows that with you alive then his plans fall apart... yeah...  

Which, honestly... explains an awful lot why Chuck’s spent so much effort keeping Cas busy with other stuff in the past. I’m entirely rethinking s6 and s7 here, because this explains so much. It’s not that Cas was being controlled by anyone, but after 5.22, Cas... poked at things. He let (half of, anyway) Sam out of the cage, he stood up to Raphael who was scheduled to finish the apocalypse, and then he teamed up with Crowley to hoover all the souls out of Purgatory. 

I mean Chuck was probably giddy with anticipation over the leviathan getting freed, you know? He didn’t even have to interfere to bring on his monster apocalypse. Just sit back and watch the chaos. He didn’t even mind Death nudging Dean in the right direction a few times, because Dean was so busy with his own immediate problems he couldn’t figure out Death’s hints in time to stop Cas anyway... And then Cas inadvertently and conveniently cleared himself off the table once the monsters were free. And yet... something about this wasn’t entirely satisfying, and Cas was brought back without his memories and stashed away to what... to give Dean a bit of hope that Chuck could just dash again? Because then Cas stashed himself away AGAIN after fixing Sam and taking on the trauma that was killing him, and then stashed himself in Purgatory for a while before coming back as an unwitting pawn of Heaven.

I think Chuck enjoys watching Cas go through this over and over again.

“Punishment resurrection.”

But s15 TFW isn’t the same fractured and scattered TFW from s6. They know Chuck’s God. And they know he’s the antagonist who keeps pushing them through more and more horrific versions of his own ugly story.

Billie is not OG Death, and she’s willing to bide her time and plan.

Sam is not soulless. He’s been through all of this before, and he’s endured, and he’s gonna endure again. He may have had his hope shaken a bit, but I don’t think that’s something Chuck can actually take from him entirely. As long as he’s alive, there’s a chance.

Dean is not the grieving, out of the loop shell of himself he was in s6. He knows what’s going on now, even if everything seems kinda bleak... He’s already established that in addition to Sam (who’s not in hell or soulless now), he also needs Cas in his life, even if it’s just the two of them sitting at the table commiserating. 

And Cas... finally understands that Dean wants him to stay, needs him to stay, and that every time Dean has told him this before (even if it was worded differently, because Dean struggles to express himself directly) Cas had left anyway-- for Dean’s own safety, to shield Dean from having to do something terrible, to sacrifice himself so Dean wouldn’t have to-- Dean didn’t care because all he could see was I asked him to stay and he left anyway. I am not enough. I am not worth staying for. And now in Purgatory, they finally began to have that conversation. Cas got a win for Dean, a year worth of s8 prayers that Cas had heard have been condensed into a single prayer that finally brought them together instead of convincing Cas he needed to keep running away to protect Dean. Instead of shoving Dean through the portal and staying behind, Cas waited at the portal for Dean and they walked back through together. Almost like ALL of the things that have been haunting Cas and driving him to penance since s6 have at least begun to be addressed and resolved in s15.

What were we talking about at the top of this? I think I’ve gone off on a tangent again...

RIGHT! Chuck’s gotta nerf Cas for his plot to work out.

It’s wild, right? Because Chuck’s whole “This Is Your Future Life” episode he crafted to convince Sam that locking him away with a Mark is a terrible idea that can only end one way... Do you know how frustrating it must’ve been for Chuck to have to stop them from caging him? Because it was a double-edged sword. I mean, on the one hand, I’m sure he LOVED the idea of Cas slowly going mad with the Mark until Dean was compelled to lock him in a ma’lak box and bury him right along with his hope and happiness, but if they had succeeded in casting that spell, then CHUCK WOULDN’T HAVE BEEN ABLE TO WATCH HIS FAVORITE SHOW. Like Amara in that same cage, his fun would’ve been over.

Can’t watch all the suffering if you’re locked in a cosmic dungeon!

It’s incredibly funny to me that Chuck convinced Sam that his nonsensical “future” was a true seeing, that he “shared his omniscience” with Sam with that watch. Because the one thing the show has demonstrated over the years that Chuck sincerely hopes they’ve forgotten, is that you can’t change the past, but the future is never set in stone until it comes to pass. And the future is built on choices.

Chuck can account for a lot of things, but he can’t account for Free Will. He can nudge, he can remove options, he can create roadblocks leaving only terrible choices open to them that will have awful consequences or require painful sacrifices, but... TFW has never completely done what they’re told, you know? Cas is the original “spanner in the works,” and Edlund once commented that yes, he has a “crack in his chassis,” but it’s a crack through which great things come. But Sam and Dean also have this frustrating and fascinating gift to stymie Chuck’s plot. 

And this is the true power of TFW. I think this is the tool they need to fully understand for themselves in order to finally win. They’ve been edging around it for a while, but Chuck always finds some way to foil them when they start getting close to examining their own wants. Like every time Dean starts talking about being able to take a vacation, or feeling hopeful that the future looks a little less bloodsoaked for them, Chuck steps in and throws them a monster of a curveball. Last time Dean started up with the toes-in-the-sand talk, he’d been possessed by AU Michael by the end of the episode, and crushed like a bug, his free will rendered entirely irrelevant. No amount of fighting against Michael, of telling him to get out, was able to free him. And then Chuck showed up again to hammer the lesson home. Only they learned a different lesson from the one he was trying to teach.

Heck, that’s another frustrating thing for Chuck, isn’t it? TFW has a long, long history of doing that.

Dabb even tweeted lyrics from “The End” by the Doors before this episode aired. Because this was a 5.04 redux, in a lot of ways. The circumstances of the future that Chuck imagined to horrify Sam may be entirely different, but the premise, the themes, the structure of it all... it’s functionally identical. But that was a distraction of sorts, as well. The other episode this referred back to... was 9.18.

Metatron showed his hand, revealed his process, and it’s identical to Chuck’s, because Metatron was just playing God, in the exact same way Chuck always did. He was a writer.

CASTIEL: And you did all this to make me a hero?METATRON [laughing]: Ah, that's priceless. Um no. You are not the hero in this mess-terpiece. You are the villain. I'm the hero.

and

METATRON: Didn't quite turn out as I'd planned, but that is why we rewrite. That was God's problem, you know... he published the first draft. You got to keep at it till you get all your ducks in a row.GADREEL: Was the Winchesters grabbing me part of your plan?METATRON: That was a surprise. But, hey, what writer doesn't love a good twist? My job is to set up interesting characters and see where they lead me. The by-product of having well-drawn characters is...They may surprise you. But I know something they don't know...the ending. How I get there doesn't matter as long as everybody plays their part.

Chuck also thinks he knows the ending. He’s absolutely convinced-- a la Lucifer’s conviction in 5.04 that “no matter what choices you make, we’ll always end up here,” and Metatron’s conviction that the ending was always destined to happen, couldn’t account for the true nature of humanity. Lucifer never saw it, because he never bothered to look for it. Metatron only saw it after he’d been rendered human himself. And Chuck? He thinks he understands, that his “omniscience” gives him a complete understanding of his creation, and yet... there’s things that humanity has created that he could never have dreamed up for himself.

He was right back in 11.22 (oh, hello Bobo episode again) when he told Amara that creation needed to be born, that it became something better than them. And yet Chuck can’t stop inflicting his own tired, formulaic story on his favorite characters. Because Amara was also right about him, that he was also greedy, and selfish, and only wanted to feel “big.” Chuck admitted that to Becky in 15.04, until he got over his writer’s block and started writing with a vengeance.

Wait, what was this about again? *scrolls up*

OH! Right! Nerfing Cas so the writer can have his way with everyone else. Kind of a long-standing tactic, no? And it’s not even about limiting Cas’s angel powers, but about Cas himself, and what he means to TFW. And it’s taken Cas a VERY long time to even begin to understand this. It’s not what he can do for them, it’s not being “useful” or “powerful” or being able to wave a hand and whoosh away the bad guy. It’s about him being HIM. It’s about him standing up to Dean and telling him he’s being stupid, and Dean listening and following him when if they’d gone their separate ways they both probably would’ve failed in Purgatory. It’s about them having each other’s backs and anticipating each other’s needs, and knowing that they aren’t alone and are wanted and needed because they are the best friend the other has ever had. And there’s something to that very human connection, that very human concept of family and love that Chuck... is incapable of understanding.

Whenever love rears its ugly head, Chuck rushes in to crush it. Because in love lies hope, lies a power that he can’t beat down. It’s a plot twist he can’t write his way out of.

Amara tried to give the very beginning of that to Dean in 11.23, to give him a chance to understand Mary, and Chuck couldn’t abide it. Jack is too powerful in a mojo-way, sure, but his true power for all of TFW was love. And Rowena-- pushed into self-sacrifice after Chuck “pinataed Hell”-- her entire journey into TFW had been about love.

Remember the plot of Metatron’s narrative? Love, and heartbreak, and love? Yeah. Remember how he thought he defeated Cas? By killing Dean Winchester? Yeah.

Big picture themes time? Chuck tried to drive wedges between TFW and everything they love. And has been trying to force his own contrived romance plots on them. But Chuck doesn’t understand love at all.

That’s their one true weapon against Chuck, if they each can learn to wield it.

How did my intended lol response to your question turn into this? That’s the cosmic lol for you.

[diminuel]

(Rant Anon trying to human)

Yes, yes, this is good!! This makes me very happy. (Your answers don’t feel like babbling at all, which is why I felt a little embarrassed. I kind of go off, rambling in a bunch of directions until whatever thought I have burns out, but you have a very clear, organized approach and it’s a pleasure to read. I’m always like ‘how is English not your first language??’ when I read your stuff) I (mostly Sister) did a thing! (and I didn’t explode, yay! why am i this person) Maybe that makes answering easier? I still don’t understand all the things, I’m sorry. Anyway, it probably goes without saying, but if at any time you don’t feel like reading/discussing, please don’t feel obligated. Your time is valuable and it’s yours, so if you’re busy with other things, I totally understand and will not be offended in the least. Regarding performance between the brothers; I totally agree about Dean’s performance (and I do love the difference in the way he gets when he has Cas to himself. Well, except when he’s being a jerk to Cas *cough*). The performing is a double-edged sword; it’s not something that’s explicitly negotiated, so while it allows them to be comfortable with each other and respect each other’s comfort zones, it’s not a perfect system. Dean is afraid of being open with Sam, for the reasons you talked about (living up to a certain ideal - though I think he underestimates how well Sam knows him. Sam’s not stupid); I also think Sam’s well-aware of his brother’s communication/expression issues, and while most of the time, Sam treads carefully, sometimes I think he deliberately takes Dean at face value when he knows better because hey, he gets frustrated, too. I do wish we could see more of Sam’s ridiculous side. I think Dean tries hard to be a stable adult for Sam, and only in later seasons do I feel like he’s internalizing the idea that Sam himself is not a kid anymore, but there also seems to be a thing that happens where Dean exaggerates his own absurdity or plays dumb so Sam has an opportunity to assert his grown-upness - just like a big thing for Sam, for a while, was trying to prove himself and his competence and adultness, since he wants to be part of a team with Dean instead of someone else for whom Dean is taking responsibility. Unfortunately, I think that means Sam doesn’t feel comfortable goofing off as much, since they can’t both be ridiculous (or they can, but circumstances have to be right). Not that I begrudge Dean his antics; deliberately saying things you know are silly/stupid, particularly in front of other people, just so you can see a sibling give you the “are you fucking kidding me right now” face and try to compensate for you by being Extremely Professional is one of life’s great pleasures. Sorry, tangent. I started in S10 so cannot hope to match your internal screaming prowess, but it’s true that these are consistent problems with SPN. I kind of think it has something to do with the way they divide the episodes/the minimal collaboration between writers (as far as I understand the situation)? I agree with you, though, that there seems to be an increase in it. I just lately feel like I can’t even find the guiding thread throughout that ultimately makes me feel like “This is a flawed story, but it’s overall a decent one with a vague sense of continuity.” I have never been exactly happy with how they handle the show’s potential, but it’s entirely possible I’m getting tired and nitpicking, at this point. And yes, not just with Sam and Cas, I think the show wants us to assume a lot of things that I really feel like they need to explicitly put in. ‘Show, don’t tell,’ as they say. And your points about Jack! Ahhhh, my Jack bitterness. I was dreading the nephillim plot, to be honest, because I didn’t trust the show not to do it stupidly, and then there the adorable little bun was and I was pleasantly surprised (I mean, I was still frustrated with some things, but overall, I was optimistic about Jack’s introduction). And then. Obviously, this is just personal opinion, but the direction they took in S14 just … all the affection I’d developed for the character sort of started a backslide, I guess. I didn’t appreciate it or how it fit into the plot or how it fit with other character dynamics and I became very frustrated. I also kind of feel like - some of the Cas & Jack dynamic felt forced, because of how they handled S13, and then the thing you asked “does Sam no longer feel that way?” was one of my points of irritation. They were kind of developing a thing with Sam and I felt like it just got dropped completely (as Sam plots tend to do. I recognize my bias where Sam is concerned, but I don’t think it’s biased to say that in the last several seasons - since the Hell trials, even - he feels more like a supporting character even though he’s there all the time. I’ve even felt like we’ve been promised things, but Sam development/plot feels like one of the first things to go if there’s no space. That may be better than the way they tend to just use Cas for plot without even having the decency to put him in all the episodes, but lately it feels like all of TFW is getting shafted and at the same time, the plot doesn’t feel particularly well-developed or executed, which leads me to wondering, “What’s happening?? Where is all the time and energy going, then?”) My expectation with Jack would have been what they started in S13 - he’s a powerful entity in a grown up body trying to understand his nature, which can serve as a good exploration of good vs. evil and how choice factors into that, so very on topic for SPN, if something they’ve toyed around with before. And I would have assumed Jack was a lead up to closing out Lucifer’s storyline once and for all. But then they went places that didn’t really make sense to me and - well, basically, I’m a very frustrated fan, at the moment. “I would also love more TFW and the profound bond definitely has overshadowed anything else. Before. But now with Jack thrown into the mix there’s even less time for the original TFW. (And I don’t like that. Sometimes I like the addition of Jack and at other times I’m jealous of all the attention he diverts away from the things I’m most interested in.)” Yes, this. There’s so little time left and it’s precious and even if you like Jack, it’s sort of like - in your dying moments, you want to be surrounded by dear friends and family, not a next door neighbor you just get on quite well with. You care about them, sure, but you’re gasping your last, here. As for where Cas and Dean are at … gosh, but it’s frustrating. You’re asking great questions and I want to be able to speculate on the what-ifs, but I actually don’t feel like I can. My understanding of what place Dean and Cas are in kind of fell apart in 12x19 when Cas stole the Colt. I just - I struggled with that, a lot, because it was literally right after Dean gave him an incredibly specific, profound speech (especially expressive for Dean) about being better together, about being a team. I often feel frustrated with Dean because he’s so bad at using his words, and I feel like someone like Cas really needs words, since he just doesn’t pick up on all of Dean’s pining cues. (Which, I know Dean tries, but even if he says things like ‘you’re family, you’re our brother,’ Cas’s experience is that he’s not valued the same way Sam is so I’m not sure why he’d believe that or know what exactly it was even supposed to mean). But that was like, the one instance where I felt like Dean was actually pretty clear and open with Cas, and Cas turned around and stole the Colt and ran off to handle things his own way. Which - in some ways, that’s in character, historically Cas has sort of arrived at what he thinks is a good solution and tried to tackle it on his own without communicating a lot about it (miscommunication is the real villain of SPN), but at that point in time, I felt like they should have been past those types of shenanigans. If I were Dean, that would have been really hard to accept (though I know Dean’s attitude is why Cas thinks he has to try and do things on his own). But they never really addressed it, because Cas died and Dean was a wreck, and then Cas came back and it felt like there was no payout to any of Dean’s grieving. They made such a blatant, undeniable point of it, and then I didn’t feel like anything came of it, and if anything, there’s more distance than ever. So I don’t feel like I can predict how they’re going to respond to each other, because I don’t feel like it’s necessarily been consistent/in-character, lately. (That’s not meant to be critical of Cas, though. I think Dean and Cas are in a frustrating, endless cycle of unintentionally hurting one another, but overall I feel like Cas gets taken for granted a lot.) I’m left feeling like ‘I miss my OTP.’ Just my two cents, though! In any case - I’ll send that rant separate, since they’re different topics, but I just want to say thank you so much for all the discussion! Effi insights are the best and this very much helped me think about and try and articulate some thoughts about things/my dissatisfaction here. I know you’ve been busy with work and art (is this still the thing you teased? it sounds like a new thing? i want to know moree) and I’m so sorry if you’re feeling obligated to use time you don’t have for this, but it’s really interesting and I’m very grateful to you for indulging me, either way! I do ramble a lot so I hope it’s still fun for you >>

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Yay at trying to human! :DD

And sorry for the late reply, I got into art mode and then into fic writer mode. I simply couldn’t make clever words happen at all.

(I’m glad you think my writing is organized, because it feels like rambling to me. Especially when I’m nervous it’s very hard to structure my thoughts and monitor my word choice. I feel I’m getting more and more out of practice when it gets to English even though I use it regularly online. And I’m insecure about it to a new degree since there are people in fandom who ridicule/ attack others for not having a perfect grasp of English. It’s sad. Also… people making fun of fic writers for very nitpicky things. I don’t know what has become of the fandom if this is the constant atmosphere. Or maybe it’s just me because I’ve been targeted. And look at that, I went off an incredible tangent again. Way to go! *lol*)

I think the time you put into writing me, something which brings me joy, is also valuable and I try my best to answer! :D

I’m going to put a read more link now, because this post is already getting very long!

I do wish we saw more of Sam’s ridiculous side too. Just him goofing around with the fidget spinner was so unexpected. Sam’s not all serious research mode, though it’s clearly the show’s focus to let us see Dean being geeky. Dean generally feels more fleshed out as a character, with many details about him that we don’t get from Sam. Maybe that is because we’ve been peeling away at Dean-the-hunter/brother and getting to see more of Dean as a person. And maybe Sam’s always been more straight forwards in recent time. So there’s not a lot of new things we learn about him anymore. Which is a shame. I would love to get something as small and exciting as Dean wearing novelty socks is (or Dean being ridiculously jumpy about small things when Sam or Cas aren’t watching).

That Sam tries to assert his independence by being reliable and serious and competent makes sense to me. Dean does try to accommodate that from time to time, though I think it’s interesting that Dean tends to give and revoke Sam’s right to make decisions and/ or call the shots. The show has made Sam’s “emancipation” a topic more than once. We saw it in S12 with the British Men of Letters, where Sam acted on his own (I wasn’t actually a fan of it because I was, for a big part, on Dean’s side when it got to working with the BMOL but that’s beside the point *lol*) and then again at the start of S14. But the issue is that the plot point of Sam growing into his own as a leader in his own right is usually stopped, dropped or torn down as a story line demands Dean to revoke Sam’s right to be an equal. We have moments where Dean’s all “this is a dictatorship” (S10) or just generally pushes Sam into things/ expects him to follow along with his plans. Like he gave Cas the option to fall in line or get out in S14, he does the same with Sam, just implicitly. I understand that those are always crisis moments, but it’s interesting that they fall back into a familiar pattern in those cases. With Dean calling the shots and Sam following along. Though at the end of S14 I’m pretty sure that Sam was just overwhelmed with the situation and glad that his brother took matters into his own hands until he could at least process what has happened to some degree… Maybe. (I actually haven’t rewatched S14. I should get to that but worrrrrrrrrrrrk.)

I got into SPN when S6 was airing, but I only caught up with it maybe around the middle of S7? So I was spared some amount of despaired Cas girl screaming *lol* As to the writing in general… I feel lately they have had strong (and in some cases very strong) first half of seasons but then I struggled to see coherence in the second half of the season. Things that were important got dropped and sometimes even become completely meaningless due to what happened later. I scream at my laptop at things which I feel didn’t happen all that much in let’s say S6 (and as I get from the gossip – I have no sources so I call it gossip – the late decision to make Cas the villain made it a fact that Cas had been lying all the time which had absolutely no foreshadowing in the first half of the season, so it was hard to swallow. But S6 is painful anyway, I just have to deal with the angst and trauma!)

I’m glad to know that others feel Jack bitterness as well. I hated the Nephilim plot in S12. I found the Lucifer storyline ridiculous and not palatable. And – for me – it destroyed what S11 did. What a waste of air time if they were going to do that with Lucifer. (Aw, I’m bitter, I’m sorry). But it’s how you say, in the end Jack was an adorable little bun and I was lulled into liking him despite my reservations. And then he messed up, but he was cute!! And then he messed up again… But wait, he’s still cute!!! And that repeated until it went downhill in S14… It’s a relief that you have the same experience with it, makes me feel less ridiculous about it *lol*

I totally agree that Sam hasn’t been the focus of the story for a while. He’s a spectator usually. He reacts to what Dean dishes out. Why devote so much time to the Nick plot (I mean, seriously, why. Who liked that?) when that could have been used to do something more profound with Sam and Jack’s relationship. Maybe it’s deliberate that Sam seemed to have stepped back, I don’t know. Because the moment Dean warmed up to Jack, it seemed to be mostly about Dean’s emotions. Dean got the meaningful, heart-warming (or breaking!) scenes with Jack. Not even Cas. Dean. Why? I mean I love it, I love Dean getting these scenes with Jack, but Dean became Jack’s father. Sam’s just… there. (I might be remembering it wrong, I really do need that rewatch). And don’t get me started on the Jack-Cas relationship. I can’t make sense of it.

I have actually never thought about the stealing of the Colt that way. I was mostly a “gosh darn it, Cas, again?!” moment for me, but now that you state it like that, it was pretty… not good. Dean did try very hard to talk to Cas and he tries and tries but doesn’t seem to find just the words that Cas needs to be convinced. Miscommunication really is the real villain of SPN. *lol*

It is hard to make predictions, especially because the things that have been developed and have been – in my reading – pretty on the nose, have had no pay off. It makes me doubt my own eyes. Did I really see Dean grieving like that? Did I just make that all up? Because nothing really happened as a pay off. I must have imagined it. Sam is probably lying awake at night, wondering if he had just dreamt it all. And then S14 presented a Dean Cas dynamic that had a conspicuous distance between them. But I’m not sure how to read that distance because I’m not sure if it was deliberately written or just a consequence of focusing on external things like the Nick plot. Or the inconsistency you mention. It’s just hard to work with it. I mean I can grasp where Cas is better than where Dean is or whey they are as an unit, because Cas has opened up his mouth and told us - or rather Dean, when he explained why he didn’t mention Jack killing the snake. He was finally feeling like they were a family and he didn’t want to lose it. I think he felt closer to Dean than ever before because they have Jack. But where he will be now, after Dean said what he said and did what he did and they lost Jack a second time… Well… I don’t know. But I also miss my OTP. Stop being at odds with each other and kiss already. :CCCCCC

Thank you for the discussion! I so rarely get to discuss SPN in detail anymore ;w;

(And the art I teased is a new thing, it’s for a Destiel fan zine. So it’ll be some time until I can reveal it. But I spent a lot of time on it and I hope people will like it!)

This has become a veeeery long answer, haha. I might not get to the other message today because it’s already 11 PM and I have to work tomorrow. ;w;

[amwritingmeta]

Hello! So two things: Do you think there is any relation to Dean saying he doesn't believe in a damn thing at the end of 13x04 and him saying I wish I couldn't feel a damn thing back in 4x10? (They're also the last lines spoken of their respective episodes) 2. They're using Led Zep aliases in this weeks new ep, thoughts? Thank you!

Good morning my lovely Nonny!! 

Oh, not one but two things? Love it! 

Thing numero uno: any relation between 13x04 and 4x10?……

Can I say that I’d like there to be, but that I don’t know if there actually is? I mean, I can read into this until the cows come home and see all the threads over the seasons knitting together into something fucking beautiful right now, and a callback to S4 fits with how the callbacks have been extremely S4-S5 heavy, but the narratives of those two episodes differ enough for me to not be 100% certain that quote was used as a direct mirror of these two moments, if that makes sense.

What is interesting, though, and thanks for pointing it out, is that both of those moments deal with Cas related situations. Being rescued from Hell, with all the emotional turmoil that entailed, marked the true beginning of Dean’s coming-of-age story. So that sentence “I wish I couldn’t feel a damn thing” could be viewed as twofold: 

dealing with the surface narrative and addressing all the horrific memories Dean carries with him

and dealing with the subtext of how coming back and being thrust into a whole new world, where angels are real and one in particular keeps challenging Dean’s entire world view

Because the growing pains that begin the moment he crawls out of that grave must be hard to handle, too… At least how I see it. :P

By 13x04, the same angel that instigated those growing pains, that made them inevitable and made them worth it, the loss of this angel - who has always been the sunlight on the tentatively blooming faith in Dean Winchester - is now the reason why Dean is completely internally numb and why he can’t believe in a damn thing. It’s an emotionally anchored, full circled narrative strand that really, truly makes my brain hum with happiness. Now for Dean choosing to have faith for himself… *orgasmic*

Thing numero dos (and that’s me exhausting my Spanish vocabulary) (if it can even be called that) (lo siento): hum hum hmmmmm so many thoughts on the Zepp aliases omfg. I mean, if they can’t afford to use the music, at least they can choose to allude to Led Zeppelin in other ways and… obviously they are. In the episode that is more or less bound to end with them face to face with Cas in the most epic fucking “Hello, Dean” cut-to-black cliffhanger that this show has EVER EVER EVER fucking produced. Ok, if you like Cas. And Dean. And CasDean. Then EPIC. It will be so fucking goddamn epic. I cannot imagine anything else or anything less, not with Yockey writing the episode. I’m so excited!!! 

It could be a very, very casual plant of Zeppelin, though. Like, that’s the only Zepp we get. BUT…. for an episode just prone to be about Dean’s grieving for Cas. I mean, every episode up until now has been about performing!Dean being dismantled where he stands AND Dean’s inability to move into the acceptance stage of his grief, so an episode named Advanced Thanatology is just set up for Sam pushing Dean into a situation where Dean might have to face his control issues… Because they’re at the heart of it all. *I could die happy* It would mean Dean is learning to live with the loss of Cas… and that’s when/why he gets Cas back. It’s how the character reward system works. You learn a lesson, something good happens - you repeat a pattern, something bad happens.

Something very fucking GOOD is about to happen and we have the spoiler alert for it (hello Dean) so I am so so so crossing fingers that it’s linked to Dean taking steps in the right direction. I’ll be surprised if it doesn’t, but heyyy, I don’t know it will so we’ll see!

The reunion in 13x06 is meant to be understated, and I think it will be. I think it’ll be oh wow hey hugs and then back to business, but I have the biggest lady hard-on for the thought of exactly what Jensen is going to do with his facial muscles around Cas for that episode. Oh it’ll be understated the way only Jensen Ackles can play it. I cannot wait!! 

And what about Cas. He came back… well, looking human to a fault, running his hands over and grasping at that dried grass, FUCKING SMILING (oh my god if smiles could melt the world) and tilting his head to the sunlight, to the warmth of the sun on his skin. AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH. I loved that moment too much for words. How will Misha play him now? It makes sense he comes back with his emotional life still intact because he can slowly begin this journey towards (don’t mean to upset anyone here comes a bit of human!Cas hope) clipping his wings and making the choice to clip them FOR HIMSELF. If we see him relate to the world in the humanised way he was relating to it for all of S12 (though he still had a ways to go!!) and they build on that, then him finally realising/admitting to himself that he doesn’t want to be bound to Heaven in any way anymore will be believable and even understandable. AAAHHHHH FUCK! If they go this route then FUCK ME SILLY! 

This is now turning into spec, sorry, Nonny. My brain tends to shoot off on tangents when inspired. Inspired is good!! :P

Thanks for the ask, my lovely! Ask again soon! 

xx