#I’M NO LONGER IN MY CAt/DOG BOY ERA

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

i’m going through it rn

WHAT THE FUCKJ

HAD LIEK THREE SEpARATW fRIENDS MESSAGE ME ASKING IF I SIMP FOR THE NmnEW FOX BOY 😭

WHAT IS IT ABOUT ME THAT WOULD IMPLY THAT?????????? ?????? ??, ,??? ? 🤡 IS iT BECAuSRe HR’S A SwINDLER WiTH A fAkE SmILE, IS THAT WhY????????

[sarah-dipitous]

Hellsite Nostalgia Tour 2023 Day 212

Soul Survivor/Deep Breath

“Soul Survivor”

Plot Description: facing mounting problems in hell, Crowley seeks out an unlikely ally in Castiel, while Sam’s determined efforts to cure Dean hit a snag

Would I Survive the First Five Minutes??: No one died

Oooo, can you not cure Dean the same way you did Crowley??

Ok but what DO you care, Sam?? I’ll never (til Dean’s no longer a demon) stop ranting about how much you ran your mouth about how little you cared about him, how you would have let him die if he had been doing the Trials…it’s no wonder he’s like this now

I hope Hannah’s not falling in love with Castiel. And not in an “only destiel is correct” or hating on ships that would pass as heterosexual way. He just…he needs a friend. He needs someone he can lean on right now instead of being the one others lean on

Jensen directed this one??

Why’s this guy look like the dude Dean killed last episode?? Omg is he??

OH MY GOD. SAM PUSHED THAT GUY TO MAKE THE DEAL FOR HIS SOUL?? DUDE.

Jensen is mesmerizing in his taunting and anger

Omgggggg Crowley. You MISS HIM. YOU MISS DEAN. This is the funniest show in the world, but they want me to believe they’re serious

RIP to the demon who wanted to be Crowley’s rebound

Oh thank god Sam called at that moment. It LOOKED like Hannah might have wanted to kiss Cas…

Sam, bestie, you had me til you said “we don’t get to quit in this family.” Remember that time you hit a dog and went on a romantic side plot instead of looking for Dean AT ALL?

I’m in so much pain right now. This conversation is SO TODOBROS “your very existence sucked the life out of my life”?! “This isn’t my brother talking” “you never had a brother. Just an excuse for not manning up”?! “This family is all we’ve ever had” “well then we’ve got nothin”?! “You’d say that to dad?” “Dad?! Oh there’s a prize. The man who brainwashed us into fighting his losing battle”?! “Is this you manning up?” “This is me yanking your lame ass out of the fire”?!?!?! I am SCREAMING!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Crowley’s hell problems don’t seem so bad compared to literally everyone else’s

That is quite possibly the kindest way he could turn her down, but I don’t like seeing Hannah hurt

Nooooo not the angel who got away from them last time

(There are possibly too many plot lines going on in each of these episodes)

Nooooo not the picture of Mary and baby Dean, of the boys and Bobby, of just the boys together 😭

Uhhhhh, where did Dean go???

Huh…why…is Crowley stealing grace (likely for Castiel but WHY FOR CASTIEL?! Not ungrateful, just confused)??

Wtf Dean? The meat cleaver wasn’t enough? You wanted to go with the blunt object of a hammer??

Why DOES Crowley want Cas’s help?? Ok but aside from that ONE GUY Dean killed and ONE demon burning himself to not live in your hell anymore, what problems do you ACTUALLY have?? Or is this a nip it in the bud situation? Which would be smart

(Ok but like…Jensen’s a good director. This is an absolutely gorgeous episode. And obviously the credit doesn’t go solely to the director but SOME of it does)

No but like this cat and mouse game in the bunker is SO GOOD

I don’t trust that he’s fully cured. I want it to be true but it can’t be that easy. Especially since he still has the Mark of Cain…

It makes me so sad that Cas has had his problem VERY TEMPORARILY fixed but…is still focusing on Dean’s problems.

Not Dean looking a the same pictures Sam wassssss

This is too nice of a moment between them to not be ruined in the last like twenty seconds…ok turns out it WAS just a nice moment of peace between Cas and Dean

Ohhhhhhh our first glimpse of Rowena!!! Crowley’s mother has entered the chat!!

“Deep Breath”

Plot Description: The Doctor and Clara arrive in Victorian London and find a dinosaur rampant in the Thames

This trex would have looked so much worse i the RTD era a and I think I would have liked it more. But Vastra and Jenny fighting over the dino’s gender is kind of funny considering Vastra was THERE

Ohhhhhh Twelve is still cooking a bit. Yeah…we needed to let him cook a bit more before he got chased and swallowed by a dinosaur.

Oh…they redecorated the opening credits. I don’t like it

Omg…I love this part. He’s so mad at the concept of a bedroom. I think about that at least twice a year despite not seeing this in almost a decade. “You’ve got a whole room just for not being awake in?! What’s the point? You’re just missing the room!”

(I’m a little mad I’m not going to finish this before midnight. But I didn’t know this episode was more than an hour long)

Oh…some cyborg guy is…doin some shit

This is a weird conversation…and I don’t know that I agree with how Clara’s being treated. Not all companions go through the Doctor regenerating. It’s a WEIRD EXPERIENCE TO GO THROUGH.

Sir if you don’t get off that roof—why is the dinosaur ON FIRE???

Strax has a hard time letting go of his Sontaran customs…we do not melt people in acid

“Lots of young men doing sport. Is that sport? Could be sport” this is what is allegedly in Clara’s subconscious: yaoi

The way Clara AND the Doctor are both concerned with his new face. I know it’ll be significant but I wanna know why NOW

“These are attack eyebrows!” Omg his rant about his eyebrows and then having a Scottish accent 🥰

This poor man the Doctor just happened to run into…he’s so scared

Ruh roh…who brought them together for lunch??

I’ve missed a contentious doctor-companion relationship. Though the closest we truly got was Donna and Ten, but THIS. They both think the other is an egomaniac. They’re so mean and snarky to each other

Why are these people just like mechanical dolls?? No wonder the Doctor called them all pudding brained at the beginning of the episode

(OH MY GOD. I FUCKED UP. I WAS SUPPOSED TO WATCH SHERLOCK THREE DAYS AGO.)

It’s not that I don’t like Capaldi as the Doctor but this episode is…it’s not it. It didn’t have to be over an hour long…

TO WHAT END?! To get home?? Why is the captain android of this ship trying to turn itself into a real boy?!

Wtf?! You don’t just LEAVE YOUR COMPANION LIKE THAT!!!

Ah, so that’s why it’s called Deep Breath? Because Clara has to hold her breath to pretend to be a robot for an unconscionably long time?

Omg omg omg THEN WHO SET THEM UP FOR LUNCH IF NOT THESE ANDROID PEOPLE?! Was it Vastra?? Seems like it

I like Twelve. I don’t like this episode. The “Doctor comes in contact with an ancient being comparable to themself shortly after regenerating” was so much better with Eleven (if Ten had one, i can’t recall it)

Why does Twelve keep leaving Clara?! It’s so rude

I like this TARDIS redecoration better than the last one, but Ten’s and Eleven’s with the Ponds were both better. I like the warm lighting and this does have a little of that, but it’s also…weirdly dark

He’s over 2000 years old now?!

Wait…could it be Missy?? Who gave Clara the Doctor’s number back when and who set them up for lunch?

I wish she didn’t need Eleven’s support to stay by Twelve’s side to help him.

I know this garden. YEAH!! Missy!!

[danny-chase]

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Batman (Comics), Batgirl (Comics) Rating: General Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Cassandra Cain & Stephanie Brown Characters: Cassandra Cain, Stephanie Brown, Dick Grayson (mentioned), Tim Drake (mentioned), Damian Wayne (Mentioned), Alfred Pennyworth (mentioned) - Character Additional Tags: Cassandra Cain is Black Bat, 2009 Batfam vibes, Stephanie Brown is Batgirl, talks about the batgirl mantle, Cass comes home to Gotham, technically she's Cassandra Wayne in this, but idk if people use that tag, Girl Talks, possibly romantic, no beta we die like Cass, POV Cassandra Cain, Cassandra Cain and Stephanie Brown centric, mentions Gates of Gotham, you don't need to read it though, Cass comes home from Hong Kong, sorry Bruce is dead folks, takes place in Dick!Bats era, sliding around in socks, a wee bit of fluff, Cassandra Cain gets a hug, Stephanie Brown Gets a Hug, because i think they should hug, romance or not, late night conversation between besties Summary:

Cass has a surprise visitor after returning home from Hong Kong. She hasn't been in Gotham long, a lot's changed, but there are still people here she's happy to see.

Cass glided through the halls of the penthouse; the floors were perfect for sliding around in her socks. Though, ‘halls’ was being generous, she supposed. It was large, the rooms were spacious, but there were only two hallways. So much smaller than the manor. Less rooms, though more people, and plenty of space to fit them all.

 She could hear the chatter from the kitchen. The boys had decided to play a board game before she’d gotten back for the night. Dick wanted her to join in for the next round, but she found those games a little boring, and she wouldn’t fall for Tim’s puppy dog eyes tonight. But… she was tempted. It was a collaborative game, they’d explained. You don’t fight each other, you work together. That part, she liked.

She brushed past Tim’s guest room, which was slowly becoming more permanent. The door was cracked open, and she peeked inside. Neat and tidy, with trinkets lining his desk and shelves. Tim had changed a lot; his room was never this clean before. On a hunch she poked her head around the door. Behind it sat a mound of dirty clothes, just next to the bathroom door. Smiling to herself, she noted the mess of products on the sink. He’d changed, but not all the way.

 Damian’s door, she found closed all the way. Tim said he liked privacy, so she moved on. Dick’s door was wide open. The room was empty, aside from a messy bed. Hers was the same.

 At least she thought her room was empty.

 As she approached, she heard something moving inside, or someone. Whoever it was, was light on their feet, not very large, in the range of 120-150 pounds, and a bit anxious. The door was closed. She thought for a moment, and swiftly threw the door open, without making a sound.

 A blond girl in jeans and a green sweater stared out the window at the night sky.

 “Stephanie?” She recognized. The girl jumped and swiveled around.

 “Cass?” A joyous grin broke out across her face, though her shoulders stayed tense and anxious. They quickly strode toward each other and met in the middle of the room. Steph’s hands twitched, reaching up, as if asking for-

 Cass buried Steph in a hug at the realization. Steph laughed, giggling at her enthusiasm, and squeezed her back tightly. “I missed you.” They said at the same time. Steph laughed again in delight.

 They parted, and Steph sat on the edge of the bed, Cass following suit. She still looked a bit nervous but radiated happiness as well. They sat there, staring at each other for a moment. Cass smiled, also a bit anxiously, but eagerly, she hadn’t seen her oldest friend in forever.

 “Are you back for good?” Steph broke the silence. Cass nodded, she’d decided, after the gates of Gotham case, to stay. The family had fallen apart after Bruce had died, but she was ready to give it another shot, and so far, things were going well. Board games, movie nights. ‘Team bonding’, Dick called it. It had only been a week, but she’d gotten a turn to pick already. Rooftop tag. It was fun.

 “Things are good.” She replied. Damian was starting to trust her, and Dick and Tim were happy. And well, she was happy too. She loved having her own city, but it’d been lonely. Spending time with people was exhausting, but her family made it easier somehow.

 “That’s good.” Steph replied. Not a lie, but she still looked anxious. A thought flashed through her mind.

 “You’re not happy I’m home?” She asked quickly, her heart sinking at the notion. Steph’s eyes widened in surprise.  

 “What? No! Cass, I’m so happy you came back.” Not a lie. Cass sighed in relief, she didn’t want anyone to be upset she was back.

 “Then why are you nervous?” Steph’s hands were fidgeting slightly, hadn’t stopped since they’d met.

 “Huh, I’m not- Okay never mind.” Her shoulders dropped sheepishly. “I can’t lie to you, can I?”

 “Nope.” Cass popped the p, just like Steph used to whenever they talked before. No one could lie to her. Well. Almost no one.

 “Okay but… promise you won’t be mad.” She looked serious. Cass nodded slowly, watching as Steph pulled a box off the corner of the bed and carefully opened the lid. Her old Batgirl costume was inside.

 “Why would I get mad over that?” She gave the suit to Steph after all, she had her Black Bat suit now.

 “You let me borrow it and I ruined it!” Steph’s voice was guilty. Cass looked at the costume again. Bullet holes and tears marked it.

 “Are you okay?” Cass asked, those were a lot of holes.

 “Ugh, none of us deserve you.” Grateful. For what? Cass tilted her head to show the confusion. “I thought you would be mad because you can’t use it anymore. I thought you would want it back.” Cass shrugged.

 “I have a new suit now.” She assessed. She didn’t really care what she wore. Besides, if she wanted another Batgirl costume, Alfred could make one.

 “Don’t you… want to be Batgirl again?” Steph sounded concerned, but Cass wasn’t sure why.

 “I’m always Batgirl.” Cass stated. She thought for a moment. “Like Tim is still Robin.” It didn’t matter what they called each other; they were still them. “And you’re always a Spoil-sport.” She grinned smugly at the pun. Steph rolled her eyes, but she was amused.

 “Well, you can be Batgirl if you want. I kind of miss eggplant.” Her eyes twinkled mischievously, and the corners of her lips twitched up into a smile.

 “It’s a good color on you.” Cass agreed.

 “How about, we both be Batgirl, and we can switch costumes, and no one will know who’s coming.” Stephanie grinned in excitement. Cass grinned too. It sounded fun.

 “Deal.” She flopped back on her bed. Steph followed suit. “How was Gotham?”

 “It’s been wild. It’s different, you know.” Cass hummed in agreement. “I’m in college now, that’s going well. My mom’s working as a nurse. I mean, you’re right, things are good. It’s just… different.”

 “Batman and Robin.” Cass noted. Steph sighed.

 “Yeah, I mean it sucks Bruce died, but Dick’s doing great. And Damian’s coming around.” Steph shifted, turning to face her. “I’m sorry he died, I know he just adopted you, that must suck.” Cass took a deep breath, watching sympathy pour out of Steph’s baby blue eyes. It did suck. Her chest panged in regret, wishing they’d had more time together. But she didn’t want to focus on the past.

 “Yes.” She thought for a moment. “I still don’t understand.” She confessed. Butterflies swirled in her stomach, she didn’t want to make Steph upset, but she needed to know. “Why did you leave?” It had hurt, felt like her world was ending. It had hurt Tim too, and Bruce. Steph grimaced, she was clearly uncomfortable, rolling back, she faced the ceiling once more.

 “I was mad at first. I didn’t really choose to go.” She admitted. Cass understood, she’d been made to do things she hadn’t wanted to do before. It sucked. “But it was good too. It took time to heal.” She pointed at her head. “Up here too.”

 “You hit your head?” Cass had been shot in the head once. Wasn’t fun.

 “No like. I needed to think things out. Get in the right headspace.” She shook her head, not really understanding.

 “Why’d you go to Hong Kong?” Steph asked. She thought for a moment.

 “It hurt. To be around people.” She wasn’t sure how to describe it. She couldn’t stay in the manor. It was painful to be in the Cave. She never bled, but her chest had always ached, and something felt stuck in her throat. So, she left. And being alone hurt too, but in a different way. Steph looked at her sympathetically.

 “That’s why I stayed, thinking about coming back hurt. I was scared, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I just… didn’t know what to do.” Groaning, she rolled over again. “It’s a mess.” Regretful. But a little hopeful. “Can we… still be friends?” The hope made her heart flutter.

 “Yep.” She agreed. Steph smiled, warmly, like the sun.

 “Thanks Cassie.” She didn’t really understand what she was being thanked for, but as the nickname rolled off Stephanie’s tongue, she felt more at home than she had in years. They lay still, enjoying each other’s company for a while longer.

 Eventually, Steph sat up, hopping off the bed. “Alright, let’s go do something fun kay? How bout we go kick the guys’ asses at Just Dance.”

 “Wait.” Cass walked over to her suitcase. “I got you something.” She pulled out a box. She’d collected things, from everywhere she visited. Picked up things that reminded her of family. She hadn’t really planned on giving them away, but now she had the real people, she didn’t need them anymore. She pulled out a purple ‘Lucky Cat’.

 “Oh my gosh! I love it!” Steph cradled it carefully in her hands. “Cass this is so sweet, I love it.” Cass beamed; she liked it too. And she made Steph happy with it, maybe it really was lucky. Steph smiled wider, clasping her hand and dragging her out through the hall, running so she could slide behind her on the perfectly slippery floors.

 And so, with whatever luck the cat could grant them, they were on their way to kicking butt at Just Dance. As the night wore on, laughs grew louder, and Cass was reminded again, how things had changed, but how change wasn’t always bad. The penthouse wasn’t as big as the Manor, and Gotham wasn’t as big as Hong Kong, but with her family, somehow her life seemed larger, and fuller again.

 Things could have turned out better, but they could have been worse too. And they would get better. Much better, as long as they all stuck together. There would be more difficult conversations to be had, but it was reassuring, knowing that after all they’d been through, she still had her best friend by her side.

[gabrielitas]

phew it's good to know i'm boy the only one super behind lmao

alright answering questions and asking some more because i have a funny little group of questions that mean nothing but i like to ask

alright so i do bias soonyoung 🙄🙄 didn't think you'd guess so early. i also like seokmin and minghao 🥴🤤 aLSO, WHY HAS SEUNGCHEOL BEEN LOOKING SO CUTE RECENTLY I CANT HANDLE 😩😩

outside of kpop i may or may not have had an emo phase (read: fall out boy, panic!at the disco, my chemical romance). i may or may not still listen emo music. i also LOVE CONAN GRAYYY. idk if he's still indie but i love indie too! probably one of my favorite genres though is classical (instrumental if you wanna get technical 🙄 been yelled at bc cLaSsiCaL iS a TiMe PeRiOd)

the best of us had emo phases ☝️ mine is a little longer lasting three years in middle school. due to this, fall out boy is one of my favorite artists! i’m also a big tchaikovsky fan, and i like doja cat a lot too!

in response to your question about 1518 strasbourg, this is when and where the dancing plague of 1518 happened dnsbsbshja. it's where the phrase "dance till you die" originated lmao. i think it'd be funny to witness this/take part in it. aside from that, id probably fuck with california in 1849 because the gold rush🧎‍♀️, france in the 1880s, or america in the 1980/1990s! i’m a history nerd courtesy of my father, so i choose all my time periods based off some of my favorite historical events! 1880s for architecture mostly, gold rush because lawlessness and the "wild west", and the 80s for the cold war :)

the night is beautiful if you take the time to live it. for me, my favorite time across the board is lunch time-12:00 ish to 3:00 just because the sun is highest and i feel happiest! i like the night when i go out on bike rides because i feel alive/ like i’m not wasting my teen years

GIRL IM NORTHEAST US TOO DJNSBSBSVABWB #goals lmao

i have 1 sister and she's super annoying🙄 i also have 2 cats and a dog (i consider them my siblings)

the most recent show i binged and finished was criminal minds, and i tried supernatural but it's just so bad i cant get past season 11. i’m working on hannibal right now!

the last book i really enjoyed was the summer i turned pretty! i’m a sucker for romance books 😩

questions i've got:

- do you have any siblings or pets?

- do you play any instruments?

- what's your favorite font?

- how many pillows and stuffed animals do you sleep with? (i have too many to count)

- would you rather live in an urban, suburban, or rural setting?

I FRIKIN KNEW U BIASED SOONYOUNG UR VIBES R SO HORANGHE I COULD JUST TELL and i gotta say ur the second person who’s had both minghao and soonyoung on ur bias list and i just find that so funny cuz they’re polar opposites to me (also u have impeccable taste with minghao that boy is my ult and has my whole heart) AND OMG RIGHT??? seungcheol needs to *CHILL*😤

omg yes conan gray😫 this is gonna sound whiny but heather was one of my favorite songs of his before it became a tiktok trend💅

and yes the best of us *did* have emo phases, mine lasted from late 8th grade into the first half of freshman year, so it was kinda short lived but it still happened lol

also, seeing tchaikovsky and doja cat next to each other in a sentence is so funny (but in a weird way i get it lol) i’m not the *biggest* classical/instrumental fan, but i have def used it as study music when songs with lyrics r just too distracting. back to doja tho!! have u listened to her new album?? do u have a fav song off of it? (i haven’t listened to all of it but i do have a couple that i rlly like)

omg how did i not recognize that u were talking abt the dancing plague!!!!!🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️ idk if u watch buzzfeed unsolved or watcher but they have a series called puppet history and the episode on the dancing plague is one of my favorites! also omg yes another history nerd who knows abt history b/c of her dad!!!! i’m prob most knowledgeable abt wwii, the civil rights movement in the us, and the spanish civil war cuz those r my dads main interests and i was sat down in front of documentaries abt those topics at the age of like, 3 lol. and wanting to experience the wild west is such a perfect and iconic era to want to live in, and wanting to experience the cold war is so funny (b/c i’m sure the ppl who were living it without knowing the ending like us felt the exact opposite lol)

and yes the night is so beautiful when u just give it ur attention. like, on my birthday it was raining and i didn’t have school the next day (and my birthdays i’m may so it was pretty warm) so i just went outside at like, midnight ish and listened to the rain and crocheted and it was truly so nice 😫 also omg last year when covid had us all at home i went for a bike ride almost every day after school to just get out of my room and it was so nice!! it was my bike from when i was like, 12 but i’m 4’11 so i was still able to ride it without a problem lsnsksns

and yes pets r absolutely siblings, my cat prob acts more like s typical sibling than my two younger siblings do lsnsksns (srsly tho my cat is an asshole she fucked up my leg the other day cuz i gave her food late smh)

omg hun season 11?? how many seasons of that goddamn show r there??? i couldn’t get past episode 1😭 (i rlly only started watching it b/c of dean from gilmore girls sksnksns) the show i’m currently bingeing rn tho is downton abbey, as i’m sure u can tell from how much downton shit u had to scroll past to find my answer to ur last ask alskkskjsjs (i’m so so sorry 😭)

ooo that sounds like a rlly good book title, what was it abt? i just finished a secret history (which FUCKED ME UP MY GOD THERES A LOT OF MURDER) and i’m currently working on the sequel to my name is asher lev by chaim potok (who is one of my fav jewish/classic literature authors and also just a rlly good author in general)

for ur questions:

-yes i do have siblings! two younger (one four and a half years younger and one a little over nine years younger than me so i’m the oldest by quite a bit lol) and i do have a pet! my cat sweetie who is an asshole who i love very much

-i took piano for like a year in second grade but then third grade happened and i was rlly bad at math so my parents switched from paying for piano lessons to paying for math tutoring lessons and i now remember literally nothing from piano lessons sksnksns

-i,,, dont think i have a favorite font? i do like to write in cursive and have a collection of calligraphy pens that i bust out on special occasions so there’s that i guess lol

-ok i have two normal pillows, one chair/armrest/pillow thing (idk if that makes sense but that’s the only way i know how to describe it sksnksns), a body pillow, and a single stuffed bear that live on my bed

-ooo so this is difficult for me cuz i technically live in a suburb but we’re *right next* to a major city in my state (like i’m a 20ish min car ride from my states baseball stadium and a 20 min walk to the college of the major city) so this has kinda made me rlly like both? like, i like the quiet of the suburbs but i cant handle not being able to walk to the closest boba shop or movie theatre or bookshop but i also don’t rlly love the noise and lights that there are in the city at night. so idk sksnksns

what do u like more tho? the city or the suburbs? also since u asked the question i’m assuming u have a fav form and i’m now rlly interested in finding out what it is lol

goodnight!❤️ (or good morning if ur seeing this in the morning since i’m answering this at midnight lol)

[holified]

TEN LAYERS OF CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT

>>>  COPY N PASTE TO REPOST,  DO NOT REBLOG MINE, with the information of your muse,  including headcanons.

LAYER ONE : THE OUTSIDE

Name: Kikyo

Eye Color: Brown/hazel/blue — kind of depends on my mood or the verse tbh (if Takahashi-sensei can change her eye color every once in a while, then so can I!)

Hair Style/Color: Very long, thick, perfectly straight black hair. It reaches well below her waist and is usually tied at the nape of her neck in the tradicional shrine maiden style.

Height: 5′2

Clothing Style: Traditional miko garments.

Best  Physical Feature: Kikyo was always considered a true beauty, not only for her gracious features, but also for her elegant and regal manners. However, I believe her luscious hair always caught the eye of those around her.

LAYER TWO: THE INSIDE

Your Fears: “Failure. I cannot bear the thought of failing in my mission, in not being able to save those around me.”

Your  Guilty Pleasures: “It is rather difficult to indulge in any activity that is not related to my duty as a shrine maiden. And in that case, anything that takes me away from these aforementioned duties makes me feel guilty.”

Your  Biggest Pet Peeve(s): “To be underestimated, no matter if it is in regards to my power or intelligence.”

Your Ambition for the Future: “To finally find peace.”

LAYER THREE: THOUGHTS

Your First Thoughts Waking Up: “I think about what I have to accomplish in that day.

What You Think About the Most: My duties, to be quite honest.”

What You Think About Before Bed: “I usually try to empty my mind of thoughts and focus solely on my breathing, that usually helps me sleep better.”

You Think Your Best Quality Is: “Empathy.”

LAYER FOUR: WHAT’S BETTER?

Single or Group Dates: “Single.”

To be Loved or Respected: “Both, there is no love without respect.”

Beauty or Brains: “Brains.”

Dogs or Cats: “Both are great animals.”

LAYER FIVE: DO YOU?

Lie: “I only lie if it is extremely necessary, otherwise I always say the truth.”

Believe in Yourself: “I must, otherwise I could not survive.”

Believe in Love: “Yes, even if I do not believe I was meant to find it.”

Want Someone: “I did... but unfortunately, he was not meant to be mine.”

LAYER SIX: EVER?

Been on Stage: “No... I believe not.”

Done Drugs: “No.”

Changed Who You Were to Fit In: “No, that was never necessary.”

LAYER SEVEN: FAVORITES

Favorite Color: “All colors have their beauty, and each one has a different meaning. But should I be forced to choose, I suppose I would choose the soothing blue of the sky.”

Favorite Animal: “I cannot say. All of them are an important part of our world and all of them carry the kami within them.”

Favorite Movie: “I have no idea what that means.

Favorite Game: “As a child I liked to play hide and seek.”

LAYER EIGHT: AGE

Day Your Next Birthday Will Be: “My mother used to say I was born during the spring.” — I did a small research and they didn’t use the same calendar as we do, they counted their time in eras, and I’m not sure if they had months as we do. But in any case, she was born in a small poor village, and I doubt they’d have a calendar hanging around, not to mention most people were illiterate, which means they wouldn’t know how to read the calendar.

How Old Will You Be: “I am no longer bound to time.”

Age You Lost Your Virginity: “I have not.”

Does Age Matter: “No, I do not think so.”

LAYER NINE: IN A BOY OR GIRL

Best Personality: “Someone who is caring and understanding, reliable and trustworthy.”

Best Eye Color: “It does not matter.”

Best Hair Color: “Once again, it does not matter.”

Best thing to do With a Partner: “When you are with the one you love, even doing nothing becomes the best thing in the world.”

LAYER TEN: FINISH THE SENTENCE [IC]

I love: “Kaede, Inuyasha, the world.”

I feel: “Tired, so tired of fighting, of trying.”

I hide: “My emotions, my feelings.”

I miss: “Having hope.”

I wish: “I had been able to enjoy my life a little longer, to spend more time with my little sister, to watch her grow. I wish I had kissed Inuyasha while I was alive, I wish we had a chance.”

tagged by: @ka-go-me​ — thank you so much!! ♥

tagging: @archeracrosstime, @mcuntainbcrn @phoenixspirited @shugcxrcuei-jin @senpujin @azureacrosstime & anyone who sees this!

[icanbehardcore]

Top 10 WORST Powerpuff Girls Episodes

For a long time, I have been wanting to make a project resembling a countdown list, being inspired by the likes of @umbramagna777​, @phantomstrider​ and even the Nostalgia Critic. After some considerate years, I have finally decided to make a list based on my all time favorite show The Powerpuff Girls.

Cartoon Network's breakaway hit of the late 90s and early to mid 00s starring three adorable, precocious little kindergartners with superpowers was a cultural phenomenon. Spawning hundreds and thousands of merchandise, a theatrical film, several TV specials, an anime and a reboot, it's unbelievable that a cartoon with an all female lead would become an icon in the cartoon industry.

Created by Craig McCracken fresh off two pilots in the "What A Cartoon" shorts and evolving from the earliest incarnation "Whoopass Stew", The Powerpuff Girls became the highest rated cartoon debut at the time. Critics praised this show for being so unique, entertaining, epic, action packed and nothing like anything else at the time, but most of all, this show was very, very funny.

But that doesn't mean this show gets all the glory and praise 100% per episode, like every television show, there will always be flaws and bad episodes and, the Powerpuff Girls is no exception when it comes to rotten entries in the line-up.

Whether you like these episodes or not, remember to respect each other's opinions, including mine. If you like these episodes, that's great, you're more than welcome to have your say, but be nice.

I am only counting down episodes from the ORIGINAL series, this won't include the movie, the anime, the Dance Pansted special, The tenth anniversary special, the christmas special or especially the reboot.

Mixing either of these up would be one big mess and would derail my points of view. With that being said, let's begin.

NOTE: Spoiler alert ahead.

 10. Keen on Keane   This episode was a new era for the original show, it had a new art style which was first introduced in the movie. So if you hadn't seen it, you would have had to get use to this new art style before getting puzzled or confused.

Unfortunately, these episodes were somewhat mediocre and after 2002, show creator Craig McCracken left the show to Chris Savino, so he could work on Foster's Home for Imaginery Friends. Usually when this happens, that's a sign of a show losing it's...err...Mojo. No pun intended. For a first of this newly animated version of the show, this episode is just ...well...sappy.  

So what's the story: It's Valentines Day...oh boy, what a way to start the new era of an already great show. I am NOT a fan of this holiday whether I'm taken or not. I prefer to keep romance and affection personal.

While receiving various little Valentines from her beloved students, Ms. Keane gets the one simple innocent question asked by the girls: "Where are you going out tonight?" and "Who's your sweetheart?" (don't you just love precocious little questions coming from kindergartners). Ms. Keane explains to the girls that she doesn't have time for going out on dates and is too busy for that sort of thing, this leaves the girls slightly worried, knowing she may be lonely and in need of a significant other half.

Later that evening, the girls are all at dinner with the Professor whose attention prompts the innocent, curious little question from an inquisitive Blossom "Why aren't you going out, tonight?".

Personally, if he WAS going out, he may need to hire a babysitter for the girls and knowing the Professor, he may end up calling someone but being delayed or on hold due to everybody with their arms round each other, making googoo eyes and lip wrestling all evening as they bask into their romance.

Anyway, the Professor tells the girls that HE doesn't have time for dates or going out, nor does he have a sweetheart...(hope he hasn't forgotten the events a long time ago when meeting Ima Goodlady who turned out to be using him and was revealed to be Sedusa).

On hearing this, the girls trade rather sly and calculating looks to each other, a plan has hit them. If their father isn't going out and doesn't have a sweetheart and Ms Keane doesn't have a sweetheart, why not get them together for date?

At Ms. Keane's place, she is busy grading homework. On hearing the doorbell ring, she goes to answer the door only to recieve a love letter from a secret admirer and a rose. Oh bittersweet cliches...

Round the same time, the Professor too recieves an identical love letter from a secret admirer (by the way, I do love how he recieves a red rose and Ms Keane recieves a pink rose).  The two admirers meet at "Petes-A Pizza", an obvious parody to Chuck E Cheese, you can just feel how out of place these two are.

Not to hurt each others feelings, the two adults try to strike a conversation, but seem to show no interest in each other, all they can do is slap on a plastic smile each.

As they try to communicate and interact more and order, Ms. Keane suddenly forces a hearty little smile, stunning and questioning the Professor. As she tells him to look behind him, he sees that his own daughters are hiding in the large ball tank, this catches on as both Ms Keane and Professor Utonium have realized that they had been set up.

Unfortunately, the evening was unsuccessful and the Professor offers his date a ride home with three dejected little girls in the back. Their high hopes sunk to the bottom, gone down like a ship, but the Professor tells them if they did end up going out, then he wouldn't have enough time to spend with his own daughters. As he walks her to her door, Ms. Keane trips on a crack, the Professor immediately dashes forward to catch her. After bewilderment and indecision on what to do next, Ms Keane and the Professor's hearts become intertwine. As they stand up straight, they both share a nervous laugh while blushing (by the way, I find this scene amazingly cute, I mean...the Professor here is just...OMG, how can you not just want to reach out and dive into his arms...ahem...).  Finally,  they hold hands and are somehow...in love. Also note this is the only time in the episode where they see each other  face to face. Feeling accomplished, the girls smile knowing that their mission is complete . The following morning, the girls notice that not everything is all hunky-dory! Now having a significant other half, the Professor neglects his family duties and lab work and Ms Keane neglecting her school duties and even forgetting to feed her cat. Why? Because the two most important role models in the girls' lives are now sickeningly sweethearts talking to each other endlessly on the phone together, complete with EVERY single sentence ending with a mushy pet name. And you know what? It's really degrading! Also that phonebill must be really expensive by now,

Because of the neglection, the girls don't know what crimes are being caused....seriously, not even watching the news? Also, doesn't Ms Bellum have a light for a signal? Why couldn't she  just set that up in the sky for them?

But no! Instead, Sara Bellum gets kidnapped while the conversation continues until the Mayor sneezes, causing the couple to realize that they were holding up phoneline and neglecting their duties, including feeding the cat. This upsets the Professor and complains about the past event where a cat made him jump off a building which somehow, Ms Keane doesn't believe and causes them both to suddenly break up. Hmm...like every other couple today right? Okay that was bad.

Overall, this was a weak episode with no crime fighting at all and for a new start of upgraded animation, this was pretty bad. Especially being a Valentines themed episode.

9. City of Clipsville  I ought to let you know that seasons five and six sucked. Big time and this episode is no exception. I am not much of a fan of clip shows and this one was really weak, lame and the repetitive dialogue is as entertaining as a stale book made for toddlers. "Remember when Mojo Jojo turned us into dogs?"...umm...yeah? There's like two episodes with pretty much the same chunks of animation of it and it doesn't help that they referenced BOTH episodes! Also, did we really want to be reminded of some of the more mediocre episodes?

Mind you, most of these little trips down memory lane never happened. These include The Professor marrying Ms Bellum...for some reason, the girls losing their superpowers without realizing until they fall off a building...the Professor turning the girls AND all of Townsville's citizens into helpless infants...(no, seriously...make way for cliche'd moments whenever a baby is in a cartoon, which I'll get to later), complete with Blossom spitting up over the Professor's shoulder.

BUT the most most shameful fan-service cringe-worthy moment would have to be a quote on quote flashback of when the girls sped up time and became teenagers. Oh my god! Just...yeah. Complete with their midriff showing, slender figures, skinny jeans and stereotypical valley girl accents and mannerisms such as blowing bubble gum talking on their cellphones and ...discovering boys, teenage boys...in this case, the Rowdyruff Boys.

Yeah...remember when I said that the whole counterpart thing is a drag, well they do it here too. But this time, they are somewhat getting along, yet the girls are ditzier. I do love some of the hidden innuendos snuck in this scene visually and audibly.

Besides this episode being a weak one, I do admit that I like how the girls looked as teenagers, a bit two fan-service material-esque but still cute. I love how Bubbles still kept her pigtails in, but are a little longer, Blossom's red hair still makes me jealous *seriously...) and Buttercup growing out that little bob, it suits her.

Of course, I can't mention this scene without the fact that it was a reference to Craig McCracken's fan mail he was  receiving from fans about what would happen if the girls and boys were couples. He hated the idea so he decided to poke fun at this little trope.

Interestingly, there was going to be a scene that never made it, but there were storyboards lying around of the teenage girls becoming popstars...obviously a reference to the likes of Mandy Moore, Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera and other teen idols, maybe even the lesser known band that have since broke up, No Secrets.

The episode gets more stupid as everyone somehow ends up in the house until the episode ends which turns out to be filmed in front of a "live audience". Yeah, just...weak.

If you do like this episode, that's great, it does have a few funny moments but I still feel like it's just another cheap bland clip show.  

8. Neighbor Hood Good god was this episode lame? The moral was a good one I will admit, but first, the story...Bubbles rushes home from school in time to watch her favorite show: The Wondrous World of Whimsical Willy. Mr. Willy being the host of the show (and an obvious parody of Mr, Rogers) greets his audience warmly, at first, he seems like the typical friendly, harmless, yet unsettling kind of person on a kid's show. He never snaps, he's calm and mellow. But when Daydream Lane loses all of the happiness and joy, Mr Willy asks his audience to hand over all of their cash to him so they don't lose hope.

Being naive and simple, not wanting the show to fall flat with misery, Bubbles somehow breaks into the town hall and takes off with the money in the Mayor's vault and hands it over to Mr Willy and the rest of the crew on set. By the way, the Mayor also donated...yeah, he's a man child. lol

Meanwhile, back at home, after getting a phone call from the Mayor, Buttercup and Blossom notice their sister live on TV with a huge bag of money, thanking Bubbles, Mr Willy and his gang celebrate until Bubbles' sisters barge in telling Mr Willy to literally drop his act.

Sweaty and nervous, Mr Willy finally snaps and reveals his true plan to steal all of the money of Townsville, showing his true colors at last. Bubbles demands an explanation and tells her sisters that Mr. Willy isn't a crook, he just needed the money to help save Daydream Lane. Blossom isn't buying it and tells Bubbles that none of this is real and that the whole set is just canvas painted with scenery and backgrounds and the crew are all crooks in costume.

Now shocked and realizing she had been conned along with the rest of the those who donated, Bubbles loses faith in Mr Willy and the show and even refuses to save his fall. In case you might guess, Mr Willy is arrested and thrown in prison and Bubbles apologizes for her foolish act and also that she shouldn't believe on what she sees on television. In a way, this is a great moral for kids, especially when the main cast are kindergartners, but come on, the girls are more precocious than this, they are better than this. This is basically a weaker version of Film Flam.

This episode is really unsettling for many reasons.  Mr Willy asking for donations from little kids, isn't that a little creepy and somewhat makes him a pedophile? But to go as far as flying all the way to the set on your own and revealing the stolen cash is even more risky and dangerous.

I have read something interesting here from the PPG wikia, this episode was based real-life events in a 1965 New Year incident where Soupy Sales, miffed at having to work on the holiday, ended his live broadcast by encouraging his young viewers to tiptoe into their still-sleeping parents' bedrooms and remove those "funny green pieces of paper with pictures of U.S. Presidents" from their pants and pocketbooks. "Put them in an envelope and mail them to me," Soupy instructed the children. "And I'll send you a postcard from Puerto Rico!" He was then hit with a pie. He later admitted that he was joking and that the money would be donated to a charity, but Sales was negatively affected by the incident.

Also I learned that this episode was actually written back in 1999 as a season 2 episode, but was scrapped since the staff feared a lawsuit from PBS, so instead the story was given to DC Comics named Remote Controlled. The story was much better and less mediocre compared to this one. It's such a downfall when a great cartoon runs it's course and episodes that were originally written for the comics suddenly have elements thrown onto the screen and never live up to how they could have been.

There's something else I would like to point out here. I saw this comment on the PPG wikia by a user named Crossoverfan4ever and he pointed out that Bubbles commited a crime and got away with it, and did she get punished? Of course not, because she's, cute, innocent adorable, precious, sweet little Bubbles who can probably get away with murder if she tried.

So...in A Very Special Blossom, Blossom steals a rather valuable set of golf clubs and gets punished for it with 200 hours of community service, yet the Professor asks the cops to go easy on her and she's also sorry (seriously, you can feel her sorrow in her voice and that face just says it all).

In the fan-loathing controversial episode Moral Decay, Buttercup commits a crime by breaking into the local villains homes and steals their teeth for money from the "tooth fairy" after already beating up crooks for committing crimes. Her punishment: Ambushed by her worst enemies as her sisters sadistically watch her get beat up (note that Buttercup is a little girl, so can you imagine the pain inflicted on her?). Going back to Neighbor Hood, yeah, it's bad. One of season five's worst.

7. Crazy Mixed-Up Puffs

Season six was definitely the weakest link in the original show's run, so in a way, it's a breath of fresh air when McCracken and Savino declined a season seven from Cartoon Network (much to the disappointment to the fans).

CMUP just made way for some really weak points in writing and character development and derailment. Whichever one, even my feelings for this are mixed up...or mesed up. Whatever!  

In this episode, Mojo Jojo is watching old clips of the past fights and battles he has had with the girls and soon stops for an ice cream break. Unforunately, a little girl is in front of him and he deters her. As Mojo orders his three scoops (which happen to resemble the signature colors of the Powerpuff Girls), the little girl throws her ball at him, causing him to drop the ice cream onto the floor. As it does, Mojo gets an idea.

Mojo then goes home to his lair and creates a dummy of a girl calling for help, attracting attention from the Powerpuff Girls, they fly over to save her and are immediately caught in his trap.

The machine swirls the girls together, fusing them all into one and because of this, the girls find it hard to fly, spin and even keep their own balance, not to mention worsening their arguments every single time. It's really unpleasant to watch.

From here, the girls  now have to rely on each other with trust and work as a team to stop Mojo. After finally making their way to Mojo, they defeat him, destroying the fuse machine with a huge blast, but are still stuck together as one.

As they make their way back to the Mayor's office, they get Professor Utonium to try and seperate them. Feeling hopeless, the Professor breaks down into tears knowing that his daughters will never be the same, but they tell him that they don't mind being this close and reassure him that everything is going to be okay. The Mayor finds a thread from their fused dresses and pulls it which somehow...separates the girls restoring them to their glory. I do love when the Professor tells the girls that he loves them all, it's moments like this that always make the show great, it's too bad this episode suffered from mediocicy, unpleasant arguments and...this (Really? After all you've been through, you decide to add this in here?) NOTE: Never let Paul Stec or someone else write a Powerpuff Girls episode storyline which may result into tasteless immature fart jokes...speaking of which...

6. Reeking Havoc Season six...why? Why did you have to go with this crap? An entire episode about flatulence? Really? Okay, well silently but still visually. I for one don't care for this kind of humor, it's immature, lame, not funny, pointless and...just go watch South Park if you're into that stuff (by the way, I'm a huge fan of South Park, freakin' ironic I know! lol).

The Girls have just returned home from enjoying a beautiful sunny day in spring, admiring the fresh air until their noses are suddenly inflicted with the smell of something ...not so fresh, in this case, chili. Yep! Because how else are the writers going to come up with an episode which is ten minutes of fart jokes. Real mature. Not.

It turns out that the girls father Professor Utonium is cooking this...chili for the "2nd Annual Chili Cook-Off" in Townsville. The girls reluctantly try a sample, as expected by them and those watching, it doesn't go down well (we even see a shot of Buttercup losing it in the waste-bin). Worried that he may lose again, Blossom decides that they should tell the Professor, but her sisters object due to the year before, in which the Professor lost and broke down.

Later that night, the Professor still thinks his chili needs something extra...or should that be "x-tra"...with that, he adds a drop of Chemical X into the concoction. Sure, because somehow that works right? Also, maybe adding COFFEE into the chili is the reason it doesn't taste so good. Later on that night, the girls (one by one) also happen to put a drop of Chemical X in the chili.

The following morning during the annual chili contest, the judges (which happen to be Ms Keane, the Mayor and Sara Bellum) are trying out all the dishes that have been made for the event when soon, they try the Professor's chilli causing reactions that they never experienced before. With that, the Professor is declared the winner of the contest and is awarded the trophy and with that, the Mayor hands out free samples of the prize winning chilli.

What then follows is nothing but flatulent puns, visual and audible, one after the other while everyone's guts start growling and all that gas happens to escape and creates...a giant methane monster. No, seriously! A giant cloud made out of everyone's gas! What were the writers thinking, seriously? It's like they have watched Ren and Stimpy and got some ideas off there, no? 

The following day, the methane monster soon causes chaos all over Townsville and his stench is so unbearable that it causes everyone to feel nauseous and complain. This then causes the Mayor to call the girls and...*sighs*...watching them trying to fight off a huge flatulent monster is just...well...yeah. Lame.  

As if stinking up the city has already been done in season 2's Down and Dirty, but that as caused by Buttercup refusing to bathe, but nope, we get a full on episode with gastronomical proportions and bad jokes!

From here, we get some rather ridiculously stomach churning moments including the girls actually trying to suck the monster up...err...gross? So...after the mention of a "match", Blossom gets an idea and takes off and returns again in seconds with...a giant match...no seriously AND to make this episode even more cringy, she mentions that she got it from the same place where she got the giant jar in "episode two season one". Was that really necessary?

I don't wanna go on since its pretty cliche'd with the fact that entering a chili cook-off with an ingredient that happens to be linked to chaos, it's obvious what that equals.

This was a bad episode and I mean really really bad. GOLDEN RULE: Keep fart jokes off this show! Oh wait...the reboot pushed that further! *sighs*

5. Gettin' Twiggy With It Consider this the Pet Sitter Pat episode of The Powerpuff Girls. Nearly every character in this show is likable, funny, great, relatable and somehwhat a decent role model. All but one...that being a less major character: the girls class mate Mitch Mitchellson. A sadistic, nasty, evil, selfish, greedy, manipulative  child who takes pleasure in bullying his fellow...ahem...classmates. Think of him as the Nelson Muntz of Townsville. Think of him as Ren Hoek off Ren Seeks Help in Ren and Stimpy Adult Party Cartoon, or maybe even Stewie Griffin. In this episode, it's Friday and that means one of the kids has the responsibility of taking the class hamster Twiggy home. The girls volunteer, but somehow Ms. Keane chooses Mitch to look after her.

This episode is legimately painful to watch in my opinion. As an animal lover (especially hamsters) who hates animal cruelty to a degree couldn't even watch this. It isn't funny, isn't a pleasure to watch, it's just sick, twisted and evil, I'm glad though that the episode itslef wasn't treated as comedic, that would make me up this episode straight to number one in my opinion. Mitch apparently says he never owned a pet before, yet you can clearly see that he has a snake in the background, what the hell?

I like how when Twiggy becomes a vicious monster, the girls do their part to save him, but still teach him a lesson in harming little Twiggy. It's rare for an episode to be played out seriously for the most part, yet this is just so difficult to watch. Especially all the ways Mitch tortures the hamster.

Gettin' Twiggy With It is just nasty and an unwatchable episode. It's unpleasant, demented and just uncomfortable to watch. For a better review on this episode, I suggest reading this: https://www.deviantart.com/regulas314/art/1001-Animations-Gettin-Twiggy-With-It-517452789. He does great reviews and provides decent detail.

Overall, Mitch Mitchellson is hands down my most despised character in The Powerpuff Girls, maybe even worse than Princess Morbucks. And that's saying a lot. 

4. Girls Gone Mild I don't think there's one countdown of top ten worst PPG without this episode at least appearing on there. It's bad, the story, the premise, the fact that this episode was inspired by letters Craig McCracken received from parents thinking the violence was appropriate as a defence, pretty much the Three Girls and A Monster of the Chris Savino era. This episode is basically like a reminder that parents and legal guardians are the ones who should ultimately take responsibility for their children's actions instead of just blaming other people for it. But for what it is, it's not funny or entertaining and definitely one worth skipping. Need I point out that the two people of "P.A.P.P" (People Against Powerpuff Girls) were played by the same people behind the voices of Cosmo and Wanda from The Fairly Odd Parents?

But seriously, where do these two come from? Clearly not from Townsville otherwise they'd be more than happy to ask for the girls help, but no, instead they eat everything up with complaints and threaten to sue the Professor if the girls start using their superpowers again. I hate tropes like this, especially when we all know in the end, they go back to normal and do what they do best. Now if only they were kicking Stanley and Sandra Practice's butts instead.

3. Moral Decay *sighs* some of you have definitely seen this one coming but you can see why. It's one of the most unpleasant, mean spirited and degrading episodes of the Craig McCracken era. What were the writers actually thinking?

Buttercup's nothing but a straight up sadist in this episode, the moment those mouth muscles form a malicious slasher smirk, she has straight up changed in personality throughout the episode. After accidentally knocking one of Bubbles' teeth out, she learns of the "tooth fairy" bringing money in exchange for teeth under kid's pillows and what does she do? She constantly abuses Bubbles just to try and knock out her teeth.

First off, Buttercup may be tough, but she loves her sisters dearly and wouldn't think of abusing her own sisters for kicks. Sure she gets into scrapes now and then, argues and teases them, but she would never want to hurt them to this extent!

UmbraMagna's stated this before on YouTube but have they go something against Buttercup, did they hate her character? Why did she always get the rough stuff in punishment and treatment? Think about it? In Down and Dirty, she refuses to bathe and even gets kicked out the house until she gives in and is forcefully given a full scrub by her own sisters. In Cover Up, a whole opportunity is wasted  on a story that could have had a heartwarming peptalk scene between Buttercup and the Professor, there, Buttercup feels vulnerable without her security blanket. You gotta remember that she is a little girl, it's normal for someone her age to have a baby blanket.

Going back to Moral Decay, it's a terrible episode that's just painful to watch and do NOT get me started on the ending. The Professor at his most non-caring right here, not to mention that close out ending scene. As punishment, the Professor pays covers Buttercup's dental bills with the money she "saved". By the way, I suggest you check out @UmbraMagna's extended review on this episode. Since mostly I'd be shadowing and echoing what she has said, along with A Very Special Blossom in her top 10 worst PPG eps countdown.

2. Sun Scream/The City Of Frownsville I put these two together because...well, they both aired together, simple as, bit cheap and not so well explained or thought but what else. These two episodes are just torture! Despite being on different topics. 

First off, Sun Scream. This episode is just a chore to get though. The girls all catch the sun after refusing to put sunscreen lotion on while trying to stop a solar flare from plummeting to the earth. What do their fans and the rest of the citizens do? They laugh at them, instead of showing concern for three kids who have badly been sunburned. Just...what has happened to Townsville?

The rest of the episode is nothing but the girls struggling to get up out of bed and trying to answer the hotline, getting dressed to even struggling to attack some con artists. I won't spoil this episode but if you have made it through till the end then good luck, this one's just painful to watch.

Then we have The City of Frownsville. Although being dedicated to those who lost their lives during 9-11 (with all my respect, I pray now even). Despite this, this episode is nothing but everyone sobbing their eyes out for ten minutes. If you can't stand nails scratching on a chalkboard, then you will definitely not be able to make it through this episode.

All of Townsville's put under a spell by "Lou Gubrious" and his machine that causes everyone to cry uncontrollably, this then reverses his mood giving him the new name "Hal Larious" (please, seriously?), the rest...ugh.

Skip this one while you can guys.

Before I get to number one, I'd like to give out a few dishonorable mentions.

Cover Up - For shaming Buttercup being a softy. Also her sisters cruelly laughing at her. Twisted Sister - First off, I don't hate this episode as a whole, I don't like what they did with the new sister Bunny. She's unstable, but her slurred speech and lack of English, as well as dying in so called comedic fashion's a bit too much. Fallen Arches - Blossom's unbearable in this episode. Sure, we should respect the elderly but refusing to fight these crooks and throw'em in jail. Just...no. Sweet and Sour - Ugh, cutesey animals getting away with crime and the citizens are just as clueless because they are "TOO CUTE!". Come on! Pee Pee Gs - Unsettling and nothing but pee jokes. Umm...no, unfunny and a cringefest. Prime Mates - Mopey Popo's constant complaining and rambling in his Droopy-esque voice and the girls not having enough screen time make this a true downer. A Very Special Blossom - Ugh, one of the first of episodes where one of the girls does wrong and gets punished for it. In this case, Blossom's dark side shows when she steals a valuable set of golf clubs just to please the Professor for Father's Day. That's Not My Baby - Ah the baby cliche! Whether it's abandoned or just being looked after the whole package is there. The baby never stops crying, and when it eats, it's diaper needs to be changed yada yada yada, I'm sick of this cliche and this episode's no better. HOW did they not even notify the Professor even? I left it out of here because the ending was actually clever. Cop Out - Forgettable, bland and yeah. Unfunny, also that cop. Ugh. Custody Battle - Just doesn't feel like a PPG episode, but a Rowdyruff Boys spinoff. Also the whole two daddies thing...nah. Divide and Conquer - I know education and learning's important but an entire maths episode...nope. Save Mojo - I'm a bit of an animal activist, no lies but...a cartoon chimpanzee with constant diabolical plans to destroy the Powerpuff Girls and take over the world, that's different (plus a cartoon), and...yeah. Basically Girls Gone Mild with animal activists and protesters. Say Uncle - Absolutely forgettable and lame. Mizzen In Action - I love the Crack McCraigen pun name but over all, this swash buckling episode's one of the show's most forgettable episodes. Seed No Evil - Bland and boring and...seriously, what's this all about seeds in olden times? The City of Nutsville - Bubbles gets stung in the throat by a bee/wasp and her sisters actually laugh at her...messed up. Also, squirrel apocalypse. Insane. West in Pieces - Ugh...ancestors of the Powerpuff Girls? really? As if Seed No Evil was no better.

And the number one worst Powerpuff Girls episode is...

1. Toast Of The Town I HATE this episode! Talk about character derailment, especially when you're in the middle of season five. If you can get through this episode listening to the Mayor speak in the third person, good for you, because there's a lot of it and it's enough to make your eardrums split.

The Mayor has a huge craving for toast (say, at least SOMEONE now has a toaster unlike everybody in Too Pooped To Puff few seasons back) but his toaster is out of range, so he goes to the Professor to have it fixed. And with that, we get some of the most cringe inducing audio, lack lustered story writing and some of the most ANNOYING dialogue in any episode! The Mayor is basically nothing but...a child in a man's body here. The Professor won't fix his toaster because he's busy, but after more complaining from the Mayor, he gets on with the job and the Mayor is so impatient he asks in seconds if it's done yet...really? The Mayor is an idiot, that's for sure, but at least he means well and loves his city and job and looks out for the girls. BUT his stupidity here is both questionable, childish and dumbed down to a tee!

The Professor makes the Mayor wait somewhere in the lab which he does despite still dejected and impatient. What follows is...the Mayor curiously pressing buttons like a child and setting off an alarm and causing a huge explosion in the lab...err...is this Dexter's Lab or The Powerpuff Girls? Some weird pattern here! Anyway, the Professor then proceeds to let the Mayor stay put by putting him in a high chair...for...some reason...

Later on, the Mayor discovers a can of Chemical X and rubs some of it on his head thinking it's hair growth formula and...his entire body is now the size of King Kong, complete with a shameless parody to boot. I don't need to explain anymore of this.

Seriously? The Mayor's third person speech and childish behaviour here is some of the worst character derailment I've ever seen. As I said with Gettin' Twiggy With It, there's a more detailed review here by Regulas314: https://www.deviantart.com/regulas314/art/Animated-Atrocities-Toast-of-the-Town-475588395

There's no other way I can mention this episode without any...ahem spoilers, but I suggest avoiding it while you can. SERIOUSLY! This episode's unbearable!

Compare the Mayor in episodes like Uh Oh Dynamo, where he was against the girls having the city destroyed (even though it was the Professor making the girls use the Dynamo). Then compare him here...it's just painful. And with that, let me know what you think which episodes do you think are th eabsolute worst? 

[upsidedowninmyworld]

All of them? :$

I can’t sleep. Why not

1: How tall or short do you wish you were? The height I am now

2: What’s your dream pet? (Real or not) Hmm...Gizmo

3: Do you have a favorite clothing style? Anything comfortable really

4: What was your favorite video game growing up? Sonic

5: What three things/people do you think of most each day: My partner, my future, and what it all holds

6: If you had a warning label, what would yours say? Very quiet, slow to anger but proceed with caution

7: What is your opinion on [insert person/thing here]? 🤷🏻‍♀️

8: What is your Greek personality type? [Sanguine, Phlegmatic, Choleric, or Melancholic] uhh when I took this test in high school, I was melancholic

9: Are you ticklish? Yes

10: Are you allergic to anything? Loads

11: What’s your sexuality? Bisexual

12: Do you prefer tea, coffee, or cocoa? Cocoa

13: Are you a cat or dog person? Cat

14: Would you rather be a vampire, elf, or merperson? Hmm vampire

15: Do you have a favorite Youtuber? I did

16: How tall are you? 5’2”

17: If you had to change your name, what would you change it to? I like mine

18: How much do you weigh? [Only ask this if you know the user doesn’t mind!] too much for me to be comfortable

19: Do you believe in ghosts/spirits? Yes

20: Do you like space or the ocean more? Uhh I like both equally

21: Are you religious? Kind of

22: Pet peeves? When people touch my stuff without asking. Bad breath

23: Would you rather be nocturnal or diurnal [opposite of nocturnal]? Nocturnal

24: Favorite constellation? Not sure

25: Favorite star? Not sure

26: Do you like ball-jointed dolls? No?

27: Any phobias or fears? Not saying

28: Do you think global warming is real? Yes

29: Do you believe in reincarnation? Not really

30: Favorite movie? Forrest Gump

31: Do you get scared easily? No lol

32: How many pets have you own in your lifetime? 5?

33: Blog rate? [You’ll rate the blog of the one who’s asking.] what?

34: What is a color that calms you? Blue

35: Where would you like to travel and/or live? Australia, London

36: Where were you born? LA

37: What is your eye color? Brown

38: Introvert or extrovert? Intro

39: Do you believe in horoscopes and zodiacs? No lol

40: Hugs or kisses? Kisses

41: Who is someone you would like to see/visit right now? Cody

42: Who is someone you love deeply? Cody

43: Any piercings you want? Second ear piercings

44: Do you like tattoos and piercings? Yes

45: Do you smoke or have you eiver done so? Before

46: Talk about your crush, if you have one! He’s pretty great. Been with them for almost 4 years :)

47: What is a sound you really hate? A certain person’s voice

48: A sound you really love? The ocean

49: Can you do a backflip? Not anymore

50: Can you do the splits? If I stretch, yes

51: Favorite actor and/or actress? Natalie Dorner and Ed skrein atm

52: Favorite movie? I already answers this

53: How are you feeling right now? Tired

54: What color would you like your hair to be right now? Half white half Black

55: When did you feel happiest? I think it’s been a while

56: Something that calms you down? Writing or drawing

57: Have any mental disorders? [Only ask this if you know the user doesn’t mind!] nothing diagnosed

58: What does your URL mean? My world is odd

59: What three words describe you the most? Quiet, contemplative weird

60: Do you believe in evolution? Yes

61: What makes you unfollow a blog? Posting things I don’t like

62: What makes you follow a blog? Posting things I like

63: Favorite kind of person: a genuinely nice person that is honest

64: Favorite animal(s): pandas, otters

65: Name three of your favorite blogs. 🤷🏻‍♀️

66: Favorite emoticon: 😻

67: Favorite meme: I have too many

68: What is your MBTI personality type? I can’t remember

69: What is your star sign? Uhhh Pisces...?

70: Can your dog roll over on command, if you have a dog? Yes

71: What outfit out of all your clothes do you like to wear the most? A black shirt and jeans with converse

72: Post a selfie or two? No thank you

73: Do you have platform shoes? I do!

74: What is one random but interesting fact about yourself? I can bend my thumb all the way to my arm

75: Can you do a front flip? Not anymore

76: Do you like birds? Sure

77: Do you like to swim? Love it

78: Is swimming or ice skating more fun to you? Swimming for sure

79: Something you wish didn’t exist: not saying

80: Some thing you wish did exist: someone that is no longer here

81: Piercings you have? Just my ears for now

82: Something you really enjoy doing: reading

83: Favorite person to talk to: Cody

84: What was your first impression of Tumblr? I like this site

85: How many followers do you have? Uhh I haven’t looked in a while

86: Can you run a mile within ten minutes? I use. To lol

87: Do your socks always match? Yes

88: Can you touch your toes and keep your legs straight completely? Yes

89: What are your birthstones? Aquamarine

90: If you were an animal, which one would you be? Panda or a cat

91: If a flower could aesthetically represent you, what kind would it be? A rose

92: A store you hate? Hmmm not sure

93: How many cups of coffee can you drink in one day? I don’t

94: Would you rather be able to fly or read minds? Read minds

95: Do you like to wear camo? On occasion

96: Winter or summer? Winter

97: How long can you hold your breath for? About 30-45 seconds

98: Least favorite person? HAHA

99: Someone you look up to: my dad

100: A store you love? Any bookstore lol

101: Favorite type of shoes. Converse

102: Where do you live? In LA

103: Are you a vegetarian or vegan? If so, why? Nope

104: What is your favorite mineral or gem? I don’t have one?

105: Do you drink milk? Yes

106: Do you like bugs? No

107: Do you like spiders? Yes

108: Something you get paranoid about? The future

109: Can you draw: kind of

110: Nosiest question you have ever been asked? How sex was with a person I slept with or how I could stand sleeping next to ex because he snores really loudly. Like freight train loud

111: A question you hate being asked? Who’s the smarter or prettier twin. I usually get that I’m smarter

112: Ever been bitten by a spider? Yes

113: Do you like the sound of waves at the beach? I do

114: Do you prefer cloudy or sunny days? Cloudy

115: Someone you’d like to kiss or cuddle right now: codes

116: Favorite cloud type: what

117: What color do you wish the sky was? Purple

118: Do you have freckles? No

119: Favorite thing about a person: clean hands

120: Fruits or vegetables? Fruits

121: Something you want to do right now: see someone

122: Is the ocean or sky prettier? Ocean

123: Sweet or sour foods? Sour

124: Bright or dim lights? Bright

125: Do you believe in a certain magical creature? Sure

126: Something you hate about Tumblr: 🤷🏻‍♀️

127: Something you love about Tumblr: 🤷🏻‍♀️

128: What do you think about the least? Work

129: What would you want written on your tombstone? 🤷🏻‍♀️

130: Who would you like to punch in the face right now? HA

131: What is something you love but also hate about yourself? My mind

132: Do you smile with your teeth showing for pictures? Yes

133: Computer or TV? Computer

134: Do you like roller coasters? Yes

135: Do you get motion sickness or seasickness? It depends

136: Are your ears lobed or attached? Attached

137: Do you believe in karma? Sure

138: On a scale of 1-10, how attractive would you say you are? Like an 8 on a good day

139: What nicknames do you have/have had? Quite a few

140: Did you have any pretend or imaginary friends? Yes

141: Have you ever seen a therapist/shrink? Yes

142: Would you say you are a good or bad influence to others? Good

143: Do you prefer giving or receiving gifts/help? Both

144: What makes you angry. A lot

145: How many languages do you speak fluently? One

146: Do you prefer boys, girls, and/or non-binaries? I’m bi soooo

147: Are you androgynous? No

148: Favorite physical thing about yourself: my butt lol

149: Favorite thing about your personality: my ability to see the good in everyone even when they’re shitty. Also my least favorite thing about myself

150: Name three people you would like to talk to right now in person. Well my dad, Cody, my grandma

151: If you could go back into time and live in one era, which would you choose? The one rn because I am a minority

152: Do you like BuzzFeed? Sure

153: How did you meet your spouse/girlfriend/boyfriend/partner? [If you have one.] uhh dating app. Technically a football game.

154: Do you like to kiss others’ foreheads or hands for platonic reasons? No

155: Do you like to play with others’ hair? Just codys

156: What embarrasses you? Not a lot

157: Something that makes you nervous/anxious: the future because I can’t really talk about it with anyone without stressing people out. But it helps me feel less anxious so I’m kind of stuck

158: Biggest lie you have ever told: oof

159: How many people are you following? 🤷🏻‍♀️

160: How many posts do you have on your blog(s)? 🤷🏻‍♀️

161: How many drafts do you have on your blog(s)?🤷🏻‍♀️

162: How many likes do you have on your blog(s)?🤷🏻‍♀️

163: Last time you cried and why: ooh like a few days ago

164: Do you have long or short hair? Short

165: Longest your hair has ever been: to my butt

166: Why do you like, dislike, or have neutral feelings about religon? I don’t want to answer this

167: Do you really care how the universe and world was created? Yes

168: Do you like to wear makeup? Yes

169: Can you stand on your hands or head for more than thirty seconds? No

170: Did you answer the questions you were asked truthfully? Yes

[definitelynottony]

Grease is the Word [Ch.1 Summer Lovin’]

[Ao3] [part 2] [Song recommendations: Grease OST, 50′s era songs] [Also definitely recommend looking up a 50′s slang dictionary!]

It started out with just a visit, a holiday to see his family over in the states. Spend his summer break hangin’ out with his aunt,uncle and cousin; he only gets to see them every couple of years. The last time he saw them was for his mother’s funeral. They’re good people though, he should see them more often. Get a break away from his screwed up life back in Australia, with his sorry excuse of a father. He missed the golden coast but it was a change of pace, two months living in Hawkins Indiana would do Billy Hargrove some real good. 

And it did. It was such a simple life. Not havin’ to make sure his deadbeat dad was in bed every night; cause the only thing he was good for after his mom died was drinkin’ and givin’ Billy a real good shiner. Not havin’ to go to school and work every day just to buy his own cigs. Havin’ people that actually cared if you came home at night was pretty good too, not that the greaser would admit it. But yeah, he’s probably been smiling since he walked into the Mayfield house. 

Aunt Susan was just like havin’ his mom back, they even have the same hair color. And Max, she got even bigger since the last time Billy saw her. She was still a little shitbird though. His step uncle wasn’t too bad of a guy either, let him drive his blue ‘58 Bel Air ‘round. Was definitely a helluva a lot better than his old man, that’s fer damn sure. And yeah, Billy’s summer went by in a blink. He followed Max and some of her friends around, learnin’ where all the good spots where. It was a small town, not too hard; the diner, arcade, drive ins, and Hawkins’ Lovers Lake. 

On one hot, real hot Indiana summer day, Billy decided to take the Bel Air for a spin; he ended up at the lake. That’s when he saw him; like a fuckin’ angel. 

He had soft brown hair all shaped perfectly into a quiff. Unlike Billy’s blonde curls, if he could get his hair into a pomp it was a good day, most the time it was somewhere between the flop and a loose teddy boy. Not that it really mattered, everyone knew what he was as soon as they saw him with his leather on, a smoke in his mouth. Poor by birth, Greaser by choice. 

But this cat, this pretty boy with the brown hair, well he looked like he belonged on the telly. Billy didn’t even notice the other’s with him. Some girl, plain jane prep, definitely no Monroe; she wasn’t even in a bathing suit, wet blanket. Some hipster slick was with her reading a book, but Billy’s eyes stayed with the brunette with an angel face and Babmi eyes. The two were sittin’ over on the dock, that angel face was putterin’ in the water. Billy knew they could see him pullin’ up. Sauntering down to the lake edge. Good, Billy loved a dramatic entrance. 

As he showed up, splashin’ around in the shallows of the shoreline, he got that pretty boy’s attention. Well, couldn’t blame him; not many could pull off red trunks as short as Billy’s were. God bless the 50’s. If the brunette didn’t close his mouth pretty soon Billy was sure he’d have to save his life ‘cause he’s gonna drown like that. 

“Steve, do you know him?” the girl hushed down to the brunette--- 

“No, I don’t think so. He kinda chills ‘ya though doesn't he?”

“Not me Stevie, he’s just staring at us. Go say something!” 

“Like what?” 

“Tell’um to take a picture, it’ll last longer.” 

“Not helpful Jonathan, come on Nance why don’t you go talk ta him?” 

“Cause he looks like a bird dog.” 

“Looks like a dreamboat to me.”

“STEVE!” The girl squealed. “Go!”

“Shh! Nance, okay-oaky.”

The greaser watched with anticipation as that earth angel adorably, clumsily strolled up to him, green high ride swims on, he was a prep; Billy could deal with that---

“Hey there daddy-o what’s shakin’?”

God, even his voice was angelic. 

“You know baby, just rockin’ an rollin’.”

“Heh, you ain’t from around here huh? Names Steve.”

“Accent give it’ away?” 

“Yeah. I like it though, it’s bitchin’.” 

“Names Billy” 

“Billy? Hey, you’re Max’s cousin right?” 

“Yeah, you know the ankle biter?”

“She runs with some kids I know.”

“Small world” the blonde charmed.

“Small town” Steve laughed, and it was everything; that laugh “so you wanna come hang?”

“Thought you’d never ask cherry.”

“That mouth you got sure is drippin’ apple butter.”

“Just fer cherry’s like you doll face.”

Steve gave this smirk before turning back to his friends; a smirk that really made Billy wish the cat would drown just so he could give him mouth to mouth. He’d know what to do', Billy was a lifeguard back in 'Straya. 

“Guys, this is Billy. He’s Maxie’s cousin. Billy, this is Nancy and that’s Jonathan.” Steve introduced, Billy just nodded with a smirk. He really wasn’t that interested in a couple drips.

“It’s a pleasure, Billy, are you from around here? Just visiting? Staying long?” Nancy had that look in her eyes Steve knew all too well, and normally he hated when she did this but he wanted to know too.

“You writin’ a book sweetheart?”

“Maybe. Just curious what side of the track you’re from.”

Billy rolled his eyes “I see someone’s got her glasses on, I'm from Australia, just visiting. Leavin’ in the fall.” Yeah, she was definitely a drag, bringing the whole mood down. 

“I knew you were from Australia, that’s choice! What’s it like there?”

“Tell ‘ya all about it over a malt pretty boy.”

“...Guess he’s not a bird dog.” 

Jonathan piped up from his book. Nancy nudged his shoulder holding back a laugh or a sequel, who knows. Billy and Steve sure didn’t cause Steve was too busy dodging Billy’s splashes. They went on for a few hours like that, enjoying the summer heat, the cool water. Some point Steve got Nancy and Jonathan to play chicken with them. Billy dropped Steve on purpose, the brunette was pretty sure he tried to drown him. 

And it was weeks of days like that. Bowlin’ in the arcade, drinkin lemonade, spent hours makin’ out under the dock at lover’s lake. Stayin’ out past 10, nights at the drivin’s. Billy had a car after all and Stevie was real inta back seat bingo. And they held hands when they were alone, and their first time was cause Steve got real friendly down in the sand. God he was good, if you know what I mean. And yeah, Billy felt like it was love at first sight, but he knew it was just a summer fling, didn’t mean a thing. At least it wasn’t supposed to. 

“Goddamn pretty boy, You’re bonafide. I’m so sweet fer ya.”

“Billy, I never met someone like you before.This feels like the real deal.”

“That’s cause it is baby. It is.”

And long fingers tangled in golden curls. Sun kissed flesh wrapped around soft freckled porcelain. Lips to skin, ocean blues drowning in honey browns, teeth biting down like they’re making home there. It was the closest thing to heaven on earth. The closest the greaser was going to get, with this angel looking up at him panting his name. With his fingers wrapped up in his hair and his momma’s necklace. Rolling into him like the Pacific ocean, kissing away tears from that pretty freckled face. Stevie’s legs holding tight around him, his way of sayin’ more, harder, because that cherry mouth of his is just too good ta say it out loud. Like Billy would ever say no, Stevie didn’t know it but Billy’s been wrapped ‘round his gentle finger since he saw that smirk of his two months ago.

“Never gonna forget this Stevie, yur the best fuckin’ thing these hands have ever held.” 

It was summer lovin’ at it’s finest, and they were havin’ a blast. Until they weren’t, until there were tears, tears of pain and not the sweet tears Billy was kissing away last night on cool sand made hot from their bodies. And there were fists, but they weren't the calloused ones made gentle that caressed tony hair. Cause now they were holding porcelain ones aimed to make Billy hurt as much as they did. As much as Steve did. And Billy let him, let him pound those fist into his chest as he held the brunette close. Let him cry and curse him for ever coming to Hawkins, for ever meeting him. Only calming when Billy finally spoke---

“You, Steve Harrington, have made my life worth livin’.”

And those big doe eyes filled with diamonds were going to be permanently branded into the blonde's mind forever.

“I’ve just had the best summer of my life, and now I have ta leave, and it isn’t fuckin’ fair-”

“Billy”

“-It’s not fair.” The greaser pressed in close, so close, to memorize how it felt; how it felt to hold an angel in his hell bound arms. 

“Billy, is this the end? The end of us?”

“No, no ‘course not” Billy fainted a smile “it’s only the beginning Stevie.”

[forlorn-flowers]

Layers upon Layers

LAYER ONE: THE OUTSIDE

Name: “Tyler”

Eye Color: “Gold, or, yellow I guess?”

Hair Style/Color: “Blue, and I like wearing it in a ponytail.”

Height: “Uhh... shorter than everyone else.”

Clothing Style: “Um.. I think Mahlu called this grunge? Shorts and cardigans that are way longer than the shorts.”

Best Physical Feature: Tyler fidgets. She doesn’t know.

LAYER TWO: THE INSIDE

Your Fears: “... Being alone. The dark.”

Your Guilty Pleasure: Tyler taps her chin with her finger; “Why do I have to be guilty while doing it?”

Your Biggest Pet Peeve: “Nails on a chalkboard.”

Your Ambition for the Future: “To be as cool as the rest of The Feast, duh.”

LAYER THREE: THOUGHTS

Your First Thoughts Waking Up: “Gotta get up so that I can wrestle with Graves today.”

What You Think About the Most: “Your mom,” She snickers.

What You Think About Before Bed: “Maybe I’m safe enough to go put that knife back in the kitchen.”

You Think Your Best Quality Is: “I’m sneaky.”

LAYER FOUR: WHAT’S BETTER?

Single or Group Dates: “Uh-- single? I’ve never been on a date.”

To be Loved or Respected: “Loved.”

Beauty or Brains: “Uh...” She honestly doesn’t think she can decide.

Dogs or Cats: Tyler holds up Stubb; “Cats!”

LAYER FIVE: DO YOU?

Lie: She shrugs; “Don’t you?”

Believe in Yourself: “Most of the time.”

Believe in Love: “If I didn’t, what else would I have?” 

Want Someone: “...” 

LAYER SIX: EVER?

Been on Stage: “Never, but sometimes I think it might be cool. When I fantasize about it.”

Done Drugs: “Nope.”

Changed Who You Were to Fit In: “I’m pretty sure everyone does that.”

LAYER SEVEN: FAVORITES

Favorite Color: “Blue.”

Favorite Animal: Once more, she holds up Stubb; “Cats!”

Favorite Food: “Pancakes. Especially when you make them veeeeeerrryy small.”

Favorite Game: “Mancala!”

LAYER EIGHT: AGE

Day Your Next Birthday Will Be: “Day as in day of the week or day of the month? I was born on the Fifth of the Third Umbral Moon.”

How Old Will You Be: “Like, twenty five?”

Age You Lost Your Virginity: She looks down awkwardly; “I’m a virgin.”

Does Age Matter: She shrugs.

LAYER NINE: IN A BOY OR GIRL

Best Personality: “Compassionate, kind. A super sweet kind of person-- but someone who can get into just as much trouble with me as I can on my own, you know?”

Best Eye Color: “Any, I guess.”

Best Hair Color: Tyler shrugs; “Uh- I’m not really sure?”

Best thing to do with a Partner: “Gods. Anything, really.”

LAYER TEN: FINISH THE SENTENCE

I love: “My friends!”

I feel: “Happy?”

I hide: She says nothing, just smiles and shakes her head.

I miss: “My brother.”

I wish: “If I tell you it won’t come true!”

Tagged by: @ffxiv-sunderedsouls​​ and @bygone-eras​ <3

Tagging: I’m lazy.

[softkitten]

Months in music, 2020

I used to always write about my favourite songs and albums of the year, but recently I’ve fallen out of practice. I felt I had to write about this last year, as the pandemic has played havoc with my memory, but I need to be able to remember what happened. It’s been important. I came out changed. I know you did too, and I hope if you read this, you find something to relate to. 

I’m unsure as to whether 2020 was an amazing year for music, or if being under lockdown and out of work meant that I had more time to spend with it, but I do know that music this year overall made me more excited than any year since I was a teenager. The circumstances we’ve all been putting up with have meant that we’ve had to learn new ways of being, new circuitry is growing in our brains, even if we’re old farts, as we’ve discarded habits that no longer work and take on new ones. 

I’m a mess. My anxiety disorder is worse than it’s been since I was a teenager. I’m not sleeping well. I spend a lot of time with my heart in my throat, and sometimes my temper can just erupt all at once, surprising me and anyone unfortunate enough to be present for the outburst. But I’m kinder, more considered, better with money, better at acting ‘professional’ without performing a weird caricature. I kind of moved on from performance this year, despite a lot of previous generational habits. The version of me that I present at work is me in some way, reconciled with the idea that if I were allowed to do whatever I want I’d be on a beach somewhere with a drink in my hand. That ideal doesn’t define me, nor does a workplace role. 

2020 music hit different. Calvin Harris dropped the hottest club tracks of his entire career in a year when if you were caught in a club, you were doing something very, very bad indeed. Disco has dominated Spotify playlists and public spaces (when allowed), this is alright by me as disco is responsible for the sexiest parts of hip hop, house, pop, etc. We consume music differently, as the monoculture has by now completely disintegrated and no one ever, ever listens to radio. If you like something, Spotify will find ways to bring you more of it, you will rarely, if ever, hear Britney Spears or even Michael Jackson unless you seek them out. I’ve spent more time with music this year than I have since I was a teenager, I’m excited and awed by it in a way I haven’t felt in a very long time, but I also feel out of touch and very much my age. I don’t go on Tiktok. I don’t get it. I don’t need to be dancing in the kitchen or composing sketch comedy bits on my phone, I’m a middle aged man with payments on my car and a desk job. I think what’s going on is a changing of the guard - millennials are no longer the focus of ‘youth culture’ insofar as that exists. Remember 1999-2001, the cringiest of pop eras, when the major stars of the ‘90s were releasing sedate, mature records or just breaking up their bands, and the charts were the province of things that seemed retrogressive and primitive like Korn? It certainly was primitive, it was made for literal children, and I see something very similar in Tiktok hits and emo rap. 

Sheena’s ex was enamored of a scene in a 2000s action movie starring The Rock, wherein Schwarzenegger cameos to toss The Rock a set of keys and tell him, “Have fun”. Well, you censorious unfunky Gen Z brats are welcome to youth culture, I hope you do a better job of it than we did - frankly we left you a hell of a mess to clean up. If you need me, I’ll be working out how to enact my plan to die on a beach somewhere. 

January - Work Drugs - Burned 

January was a fuck of a lot different. Sheena and I had just come back from Playa del Carmen, our skin was tan and our hair was long. I had a great big bushy beard. I looked older in January, I was trying to cultivate a professorial air for work. I had plans. I was aggressively dealing with my debt. We were going to go to the west coast in June to see Luna, our newborn niece, and we were going to try to make it to Bass Coast, where, hopefully, Denis Sulta would be playing as he had done in the previous two years. 

Work Drugs is something Spotify found for me. I know nothing about these fucking people, after a year of listening to their entire catalogue. I think I found out that two guys were responsible for it, two guys I couldn’t pick out of a police lineup. They make knowingly corny ‘80s style pop - think Hall and Oates, or Huey Lewis on tranquilizers. One of my favourite things millennials have done in art is reclaiming elevator music, smooth jazz, adult contemporary, etc. - this music that was the definition of uncool when it was first published is now the new punk statement, millennials never had any appetite for buzzsaw guitars or shouty anger men outside of, like, emo. 

Vaporwave started ten years ago and it was pronounced dead within months. It’s far from dead. It’s responsible for Work Drugs, The Midnight, Nonlocal Forecast - music that is desperate to return to the illusory public stability of the ‘80s and ‘90s. Work Drugs fit in because it played well at the diverse office I worked in (median age, 46), because the name spoke to a duality I see in myself. The drugs you take on the weekend, the drugs you take to get through the work day. If only we could be ‘80s adults happily blasting through our uppers-downers cycles, mulling another affair and when to put in a pool. 

February - Tame Impala - Breathe Deeper

One night Sheena and I got drunk and I told them my plan. I was going to go back to school for a master’s of counselling psychology, and I was going to pursue a doctorate in same immediately after. I was going to quit my job once I upped my education and apply - I don’t know where? The government? It all seemed so clear and now it’s as easy to recall as a nine year old dream. Anyway, Sheena told me “Your future seems so much clearer than mine” and two hours later we were fighting like cat and dog, talking divorce. The divorce didn’t happen, thank the lord. We went to counselling, and it took a few months, and a few fuckups, but the lessons did sink in eventually. I love Sheena more than ever, even moreso than during the halcyon infatuation phase of 2010, the glittering release from the tension of our friendship, and I feel more loved than ever. Things are good to great. Don’t worry. I’m not worried. I didn’t realize how worried I was before, how flawed my communication could be before. The pandemic year has helped. We’ve patched things up because we do love each other, and because we are seeing each other through the misery and uncertainty in a way no one else could. 

I used to envy the relationships of my grandparents and their contemporaries - people who were together for decades, still, for the most part, happy. I remember the way my grandmother would flirt with my grandfather, how they’d keep up their little bits well into their 80s. Contrasting that with boomers, who were all about divorce, made a child version of me think that something had gone horribly wrong. 

Tame Impala’s last album is about aging - my favourite off it is not actually “Breathe Deeper,” it’s “It Might Be Time” - It might be time to face it/ you ain’t as cool as it used to be/ you won’t recover - these lyrics spoke to me as I crested over the wrong side of 35. But “Breathe Deeper” spoke to my reality in a more complete way. I’ve always seen our grandparents, Depression survivors, in us - when millennials were firmly at the reins of youth culture, Justin Timberlake brought sexy back right after he raided my grandpa’s wardrobe. That aesthetic reflects us, as it did then. Our relationships will endure because we’ve endured hardships together, we know how to take care of each other in unique, special ways. But the paradox there is all over “Breathe Deeper”, its last lines are “We’re both adults but we behave as children/ long as we’ve got enough to keep on livin’.” Indeed, it might be time to face it, but the world leaves us little other options. The adult world, with its aspirations to middle class status, closed to us forever in 2008, two years after Timberlake. I know the aging club boy act is getting tired. So do a lot of us, but we don’t have anything else to do. May as well go to the club and shut the anxious brain off for a few hours, make it harder for us to reach our blessed phones. Return home. Do this and get through this, and until we see the sun, you’re my number one. 

March - Duke Dumont - Nightcrawler

The week after the fight in February, I got fired. I have no idea why. The official statement on my record of employment is “termination, no misconduct”. No one ever thought to explain it to me - did they find out I jacked off in the staff bathroom a couple times? Did they somehow find out that, in my off hours, I’m into psychedelics? Was I chatting on Twitter too much for their liking? I was on top of my deadlines, so why shouldn’t I be chatting on Twitter? It wasn’t a retail job, where if you have time to lean, you have time to clean. I have a lot of work trauma. What happened to me there was essentially what my anxiety disorder tells me is going to happen at any job, 24/7. Part of me is sure I’ll be fired from my current position at any moment, despite having built a totally workable relationship with my boss, clients, and staff. I took it hard. 

Everyone remembers March for the onset of COVID lockdowns, but we would do well to remember that we had no idea what we were in for back then. We were talking then about “a week off work” - can you imagine? I still fully intended to see Detroit Swindle play at Hifi Club on March 27 well into lockdowns. Hifi has since shuttered after months and months of closure and subsequent inability to produce revenue. I applied to jobs like a machine in March. Just as I was getting somewhere with interviews, the lockdowns started, and the interviews were delayed indefinitely. I had nothing to do during the day and so spent a lot of time on the online red light districts of Whisper and Reddit, plying my trade, back to my ways, looking for anons to talk sex to compulsively. “Nightcrawler” feels to me like the compulsion of hypersexuality, boredom seeking validation while already bored by the numbers game of it, going through the motions. It’s so easy. Promise the moon and then disappear. 

In March, Sheena and I were going to go back to Saskatoon for a party with Twitter friends. Instead, we got caught in a snowstorm out in the Badlands and nearly died trying to get our car back up the hill and on the way to Calgary. Immediately after, everything closed. I think about that day all the time.

April - JARV IS - House Music All Night Long

It’s not a week off work, we have no idea when it’s going to end, and the statistics are going from bad to worse. We watch the news obsessively. We keep up chat threads all day long. We don’t leave bed until our hair is lank with sweat. We drink like fish - at one point during April, I ordered delivery booze, desperate to keep the party going. I met the delivery person at the door in my bathrobe and fell down the stairs. Shortly after that, I decided to clean up my act - at least, the drinking nights have to be self contained. New routines develop. With no gym, we learn floor exercises, playing Spotify playlists of house music off a Bluetooth speaker. Cooking becomes tremendously important. I begin reading Marcel Proust’s In Search of Lost Time in earnest - a book I began at 17, which I finally finished in June, 17 whole years after my initial purchase. Jarvis Cocker, who has been with me since I was 17, returns with a song recorded in 2019 that he seemingly composed with a crystal ball. 

“House Music All Night Long” is about endless, inescapable isolation. The futility of making and loving music that only makes sense in a public space, music that’s meant to soundtrack a joyful mutual celebration that will continue to be denied to us for the foreseeable future. It’s the closest solo Jarvis has come to the horror-porno soundtrack of the This Is Hardcore album and it speaks to a pandemic-specific version of the dread earlier described on “The Fear”. It mocks and sympathizes at once. When Jarvis yelps, “Saturday night cabin fever in House Nation,” he sounds like he’s going to the gallows, and we can find the inverse of the release house provides in it, through our Bluetooth speakers, on Zoom, in ragged house clothes, drunk as lords at 2pm, miserably unaware of what day it is. 

May - The 1975 - What Should I Say

In May the new routines started to stick. I accessed government relief, the days were getting longer, the snow was gone. On the weekends, Sheena and I went hiking, something we’d only done sporadically before, usually at the behest of others. Alberta is beautiful. Its countryside provides miles and miles of scenery to explore, and we spent hours outside, escaping the claustrophobia of our little apartment. 

In May, The 1975 released their latest album, Notes on a Conditional Form. It dominated my listening this year, to the point that my Spotify statistics were a little one-note. This album means as much to me as albums that started me on my journey with music, like Nine Inch Nails’ The Fragile. It came along at a similar time, I guess, a time in which my brain was working overtime to deal with circumstances and emotions and in which I had endless hours to devote to it. 

In May I fell out with a younger online friend, someone I’d met only once but spoke to every day for months. I have no idea why we fell out. I asked. I didn’t get an answer, I just got unfollowed, and I unfollowed right back. We will never speak again. “What Should I Say” is Matty Healy talking about being cancelled online by younger fans whose brains are developing faster than his, who love him, absorb his influence, and then abruptly reject him. “How do I get out of this? How do I win them back? Do I blame it on the drugs? Circumstance? Ambien makes me crazy, that’s why I said the wrong thing, that’s why you feel this way, please forgive me.”

After releasing Notes on May 22nd, Matty referred to the May 25th murder of George Floyd on his Twitter account, posting a protest song from his last album which includes the lyric “Suffocate the Black man”. His fans did not care for this and dogpiled on him, calling him self-serving, narcissistic, faux-messianic. He has since cut social media out of his life almost completely, returning sporadically to update Reddit fans and allowing his publicist to post official images. I took acid after my friend dumped me and listened to Notes on repeat. The day after, I deleted my old tweets. I won’t engage with younger people in this way again. I’m done trying to court the good opinion of those who don’t understand me or care about me at all. Unlike Matty, I have nothing to gain from this, and it’s really lost its appeal. 

June - Duck Sauce - Captain Duck

I remember the pandemic summer as a golden age. After a few months of it, the pleasure of having wide open days, no responsibilities, no phone calls to make or idiots to impress had fully set in. We kept up hiking until the bugs took over the trails, we took long drives, we took mushrooms, we ate al fresco in Calgary’s outdoor spaces, we went to Fish Creek Park and stuck our feet in the drink. I found I didn’t miss going out as much as I thought I would, this is an opinion I go back and forth on. I miss the good nights so badly, I fully intend to return to nightlife with bells on once it’s safe to do so, but I don’t know how long I’m going to stay. I don’t miss drunk DJ’s, or ones who are so amateurish that they blow the speakers prior to the headliner’s slot, or expensive drinks, or strangers intoxicated on much different drugs than the ones I took talking to and touching me. 

“Captain Duck” is a dancefloor bomb, one of a bumper crop of absolute bangers released this year as clubs closed en masse. Armand Van Helden, who I loved in high school, is doing the best work of his career solo and with his partner in Duck Sauce, A-Trak. “Captain Duck” played when I made ratatouille, when I made cheesecake, when I cleaned the toilet, when we took long drives to nowhere, when we worked out in our cramped living room near the catbox. I imagined it coming on right at 1:30am at a packed club, I imagined myself dropping it at Pacha to a rapturous reception. I fear the reality will not live up to the fantasy, when we are able to return. I hope I get to hear it in its intended setting. 

July - Spotify “Peaceful Summer Nights” playlist

No paradise is permanent. In July, I had no intention of going back to work. Once I finished reading In Search of Lost Time, I started making music again, for the first time since I was a teenager. Sheena and I were painting nearly every night. In Search of Lost Time features a cast of thousands, innumerable loveable characters lovingly realized. No one would read this long, sometimes dull book if it wasn’t deeply pleasurable, and if one couldn’t see oneself in it. There are a lot of characters that you will think about for a long time after you’ve finished the Search, if you read it - Odette de Crecy and the Baron Charlus have inspired endless discussion in formal academic circles and less formal ones, on Reddit and in the living rooms of friends. I saw myself in Elstir, the painter character who is a composite of Whistler, Monet, Harrison, a million other painters and Proust himself. In Elstir we see the mature artist, presented in contrast to Proust’s narrator, whose search for lost time is crucially also a search for his own artistic voice. 

In July, I felt as though I had finally found my artistic voice - with so much time freed up and so much beautiful, heavensent sunlight, all I had to do was concentrate on creating. The music I made is not half bad for an amateur. I found my skill as a painter improving. In a perfect world, I would still be dedicating my days to this. The “Peaceful Summer Nights” playlist would go on at night, we’d put ourselves to sleep to it, it’s one part smooth jazz, one part smoke and study mix. You’ve done your best. You’ve seen the sun. You’ve made things that you might one day publish. I felt like Elstir those days, the aging but still vital artist, the person who is perennially a student, but can easily make a teacher, if you ask the right questions. I go by Elstir online now. I try to access that part of my personality as often as possible, though, unlike Proust, I do not come from a background of means and therefore can’t make my own epic In Search of Lost Time analogue, or my own Guernica. With a universal basic income in place I could be that person, and I hope it happens in our lifetime. 

August - The Knocks & MUNA - Bodies

In August, Dennis came to visit us from Saskatoon, driving out in their car Heather. Heather smells like a grow show and is rammed with belongings in the exact same way that my mother’s car is. We went to the beach. We cooked. We smoked copious amounts of weed and shared music and went to bed drunk and happy. 

This song captures the feeling of that summer, and that trip perfectly. You are alone at sundown, just as the streetlights switch on, 9:05pm. Blue light from the neighbours’ TV flickers out into the street, and you’re fairly sure they’re watching The Simpsons. A skateboard grinds in the distance. You check your phone. You’re horny. You miss your friends. It’s another suburban summer. The sense of peace mixes with the dread, an uneasy combination. This will be over soon, who’s to say what comes next. Take your teenage regressive times when you can get them. You don’t know when they’re coming back. 

September - Modernlove. - Use Me

In September I returned to work after six months off, my longest time away from work since leaving university. I’m a program supervisor now, I run a group home for teenage boys. I have a lot of people asking me questions. I’m good at it, and part of me likes it, but I’m not painting or making music like I used to. I’ve had Marcel Proust’s biography out from the library for months, and I haven’t finished it. 

Modernlove are a copycat band for The 1975. The 1975 have been around for long enough now that their influence is written all over Spotify, and if you like The 1975 and engage with streaming platforms you will find Modernlove. The 1975 have a song called Chocolate, so naturally Modernlove did one called Liquorice. “Use Me,” though, takes that blueprint and goes in a different direction. It’s manic, hysterically anxious - a simp’s anthem. Where The 1975 maintain a baseline level of dignity, Modernlove abandon it completely. The narrator is making himself plain that he will accept the worst, most inhumane treatment his partner can dish out if only he’s allowed to continue to exist with them. The beat is all happy hardcore lunacy, the singer’s voice wavers and cracks. It’s extremely vulnerable. 

This is exactly how I felt being back to work. I was working 12 hour days. I was sitting in endless, very important trainings while dealing with a suicidal client and anxious staff and then reporting to a boss who seemed to think all my hard work was at best a normal work day and at worst pissing into the wind. Use me. I felt used. I made myself available for use. I waited for phone calls from clients at 10pm, who proceeded to tell me about the shits they were going to take when I begged them to stay in the program and away from their drug dealer friends. Use me. You work so goddamn hard to avoid squalor and misery, to keep it from the door, and here it fucking is at 10:00pm when you started work at 6:00am. Elstir has left the building. I’m a simp for money, the worst kind of simp there is. Keep dishing out the punishment and I’ll keep taking it. I have no other choice. CERB has ended. 

October - Charles Webster - The Spell (Burial Mix)

After all that stress, I took a week’s worth of stress leave. I am not the Sicknote Steven type normally, I haven’t had a family doctor since coming to Calgary, I haven’t needed one - the last time I was to a doctor before this year was in 2018, after I picked up flu from an airplane. When I went to the doctor, they took my blood pressure. It was through the roof, and the first time I was anything but low for my age and sex in my life. Why would it not be? I felt my heart jackhammering at my ribcage for three days straight, before I was able to pull myself together enough to operate a vehicle and carry on an adult conversation. 

This happened during the weekend of my birthday. I spent some time in a sensory deprivation tank, took mushrooms, went for dinner with masks on with a few very good friends. I painted. And at the end of my stress leave, I went to meet my boss for a showdown. I said what my boundaries were, and since then, I’ve had a fine time at work. It’s not sitting around the flat all summer painting but for now, it’ll do. 

This song sounds to me like exploration - exploring the same neighbourhood that the Knocks’ “Bodies” takes place in, but with a chill in the air and some colour in the leaves. The pandemic isn’t going anywhere, in fact, it’s about to play its ace. Halloween is cancelled. People were coming to me, asking me questions, but I was able to make space for myself in the liminal spaces I got to spend the whole year occupying up until this point. 

November - The Weeknd - Heartless

A few years ago, I had tweeted during the month of November, “I woke up from a 7pm nap and wondered if we’d already had New Year’s. God I hate winter”. This month was that feeling again, amplified by pandemic conditions and work exhaustion. As is typical for the shoulder seasons in Calgary, the weather vacillated from bitterly cold wintertime air to crisp autumn with no arc or sense of relief. Depression set in. In November I’d organized and was finally able to execute a hotel-room liaison with a friend I’ve flirted with for years. I played this song on repeat to pump myself up for the encounter - it’s a pimp anthem, teeming with sexual menace, crackling with possibility. 

The reality of the situation was not as The Weeknd described. We messed around a little bit. We went to the Canadian Brewhouse. We binged all of The Queen’s Gambit in one go. She bitched about the bathroom facing the bed. I flipped out a little when I couldn’t get the internet to connect. We ordered Skip the Dishes and got the evil eye from the concierge, who was fully aware that we were there to violate new provincial pandemic restrictions. C’est la vie. 

December - Fred again.. - Julia (Deep Diving)

As I’ve said many, many times, I’m not a fan of Christmas. I used to love it, right up until my mid-20s. Why would I not? I was an only child. It was all about me. I received extravagant gifts at Christmas, got days and days of time off, got to get drunk with my friends, hang out with my mom, watch movies. The thing they don’t tell you is that once you’re no longer a cute kid, Christmas takes on a dramatically different meaning. As an adult, there’s always someone coming around to heap extra work on you at Christmas, and insist that you perform it while wearing a stupid fucking sweater or a hat, and demand that you like it.

This year gave others a taste of my baseline experience of Christmas. Work parties conducted through Zoom, wherein tedious and impersonal games are played through apps, leave bad tastes in everyone’s mouths. It’s all very Ready Player One. The dystopia is fully here. But you have to do something. 

In December I let myself become more sentimental. I had an emotional conversation with my mother in which I talked about her relationship to memory and mine, which mirrors Proust’s. I’m in therapy and developing strategies to deal with my seasonal depression and get back to making art while still working. Fred again’s releases this year all feature spoken excerpts from conversations he’s had with his friends in virtual venues. “I’m deep diving into your emotions,” Julia says from afar, maintaining and developing a connection to someone she loves despite many obstacles. I’m depressed. I’ve been a crappy friend this month, I’ve left conversations on read, my sex drive is in the toilet and I’d prefer to be invisible. But I want to connect with you as best I can, in the limited capacity we’re afforded. 

2020 - The 1975 - I Think There’s Something You Should Know

One of the things I love about The 1975 is that their music is iterative, their songs follow plot threads that advance from album to album. On “Robbers,” the narrator, deep in infatuation, describes his lover as having a face straight out of a magazine. One album later the luster has worn off of the love object, and the face straight out of a magazine now just looks like anyone. 

“I Think There’s Something You Should Know” is described by Matty Healy as a direct sequel to their most famous song, “Somebody Else”. “Somebody Else” is emo R&B, it’s about addiction and identity, and about the ways in which one’s personality can come to be distorted by devotion to a substance or a person, and how one finds their way back to themselves once the drugs don’t work, or the perfect lover has become someone you hope to never see again. 

“I Think There’s Something You Should Know” builds on that theme, but this time, the conflict isn’t about a person or a drug. It’s the feeling of idealized performance versus lived reality, the dissonance that one feels in the middle of impostor syndrome. When I listened to this song on our acid trip in May, I pictured an idealized version of myself in a camel coat and a cashmere sweater, with new leather gloves and a clean black car. The song feels like good cologne in the way it envelopes and embraces the listener. It seems to be able to tell the future. The paradox, then, is that it’s all about self-doubt. “I don’t feel like myself, I’m not gonna lie,” Matty sings, fully aware that he’s forgotten what feeling like himself even is. The song’s narrator is someone who is functioning at the absolute top of their game while being completely sure that they have no business being where they are. 

The year has been a paradox, and it’s left me in a position reflected perfectly in these lyrics. In some ways I’m incredibly competent, in some ways I’ve moved past mental health issues that have set me back for years. But I’m emotional, raw, exhausted. Social media and COVID have given me ADHD, I can’t keep a thought in my head. I have no idea if the people I’m talking to think I’m right on the money, or completely full of shit. And yet, somehow, I am where I am, and the police haven’t arrived to cart me off to jail. My boss blows endless smoke up my ass when before I was terrified of her. I do what I say I’m going to do. I ask the right questions. I think there’s something you should know, and that’s that I think I’m wrong about most things. That I think people are worth our effort and that communities are worth building, but that individuals have the potential to do reprehensible, incomprehensible and unforgivable things. I’m beside myself with relief that this year is over, but I highly, highly doubt that next year is going to be some great leap forward. We have a lot of work to do, and I’ll help to the best of my abilities, but I need to be allowed to be alone, to decompress, to self-destruct as a form of recreation, and to create things. This year has traumatized me and all of us, and my post-pandemic brain is one that’s responding to trauma. In some ways, I’m dramatically better, and better off. In other ways, I’m sicker than I was. This is true of you too. Let’s talk about it. 

My favourite albums of the year:

The 1975 - Notes on a Conditional Form

Dua Lipa - Future Nostalgia

Pole - Fading

Ana Roxanne - Because of a Flower

Teen Daze - Reality Refresh series

Sparkle Division - To Feel Embraced

Jake Muir - the veiled hum of your voice

Moodymann - Taken Away

The Mountain Goats - Getting Into Knives

Kaitlyn Aurelia Smith - The Mosaic of Transformation

Sevdaliza - Shabrang

DJ Boring - Like Water

Actress - Karma and Desire

Avalon Emerson - DJ-Kicks

DaBaby - Blame It On Baby

Duval Timothy - Help

Velocette - Discotheque Saudades

Jex Opolis - Net Worth Pantha du Prince - Conference of Trees

Four Tet - Sixteen Oceans

Caribou - Suddenly

Megan Thee Stallion - Good Newz

Romeo Poirier - Hotel Nota

Southern Shores - Siena

The Weeknd - After Hours

Tensnake - L.A. 

Kylie Minogue - DISCO

The Avalanches - We Will Always Love You

Nonlocal Forecast - Holographic Universe(s?)!

My favourite songs of the year: 

Love Regenerator - Moving, Rina Sawayama - Comme des Garcons, Rina Sawayama - Lucid, Megan Thee Stallion - Savage (Diplo Remix), Phony Ppl ft. Megan Thee Stallion - Fkn Around, SG Lewis ft. Robyn & Channel Tres - Impact, The Midnight - Neon Medusa, Dua Lipa - Break My Heart (Moodymann Remix), Dua Lipa - Hallucinate (Tensnake Remix), Blue Hawaii - Feelin’, Tensnake - Strange Without You (Sunnery James & Ryan Marciano Remix), Disclosure ft. Mick Jenkins - Who Knew? (DJ Seinfeld Remix), A-Trak & Ferreck Dawn - Coming Home, Robyn - Baby Forgive Me (Floorplan Remix), Robots With Rayguns - IWD4U, Southern Shores - Estrisa, Lindstrom & Prins Thomas - Limousine Lies, Sophie Ellis-Bextor - Crying At the Discotheque, Hot Chip ft. Jarvis Cocker - Straight to the Morning, Bonobo & Totally Enormous Extinct Dinosaurs - Heartbreak, Moodymann - Do Wrong, BT & Matt Fax - 1AM in Paris, Kiesza - Love Me With Your Lie, Tritonal ft. Linney - Electric Kids, Jessie Ware - What’s Your Pleasure?, Roisin Murphy - Murphy’s Law, Kllo - Somehow, DaBaby - Rockstar, Diplo, SIDEPIECE - On My Mind, City Girls - Jobs, Greg Foat - Yonaguni, HAIM - I Know Alone, Sassy 009 - Ghost Town, Yves Tumor - Limerence, RAMZi - couer dodo, Jayda G - Both of Us, Kygo, Valerie Broussard - The Truth, Kelly Lee Owens - Night, Dagny - Somebody, L’tric - 1994, The Japanese House - Chewing Cotton Wool, Amtrac ft. Lali Puna - No Place, Eris Drew - Transcendental Access Point, David Guetta ft. Sia - Let’s Love, Armand Van Helden ft. Lorne - Give Me Your Loving, Pet Shop Boys - Monkey Business, Pale Blue - I Walk Alone At Night, Yumi Zouma - Cool For a Second

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The Totally Not Normal Train Station

There is something to be said about the aura in a train station. People bustling to and from different places, unaware of how time stands still as they wait. There is something to be said about the people that use the train station located on E. Federal Dr. They are the type of people who care little for the rules of the universe or the rules of time.

For example, see that man with the extremely tall top hat? The one who looks like he came out of the 1850′s? His name is Michael Kain, he is not in fact from the 1850′s. He is from the 2080′s. Shocker right. Don’t worry, top hats don’t come back into fashion. He’s on his way to a convention. 

Don't look shocked, here. Look at that woman in the sun dress, now I know what you are thinking, “Why is she wearing a sundress on this cold and chilly winter day.” It's because it’s not. In fact, she is currently living in last summer. I think she's on her way to meet her date.  How do I know? Look at the date on her ticket and the flowers in her other hand. Spooky right? Not really, I know her. She likes  to relive this one, not entirely sure why.

  Look at that child over there. The boy with the blonde hair and the blue eyes, who is currently wearing a red striped shirt and jeans. You didn’t notice him before? No shocker there, that's the point. His job is to look as generic as possible. Why? I just told you, it's his job. 

  Now look at that dog over there, isn’t it cute? No nothing is wrong with the dog, it's just a dog I wanted to point out, sheesh. Now that alley cat over there, that ain’t no cat. Look at it closely, look at its fur, how it flickers in and out of sight? How it glides through the shadows, how no one notices it as it curls through their legs. It's familiar of course. And if there is a familiar there's a witch! 

Look at that man over there, he is the only one who acknowledges it. What do you mean how do I know! Look at him, he keeps peering towards it as he reads that newspaper upside down, he is clearly the witch. Look at his bag, can you see the herbs poking out? Don’t worry, it's basil. Stop freaking out, Basil is used for protection, which he so clearly needs.

Ugh, look behind him, that man in the shadows, it’s a federal agent. Oh, come now, did you really think the feds wouldn’t be looking for him? What for? For magic use obviously! Of course, it's a bit too late for a protective spell, can’t do much against the law I suppose. 

Now that woman over there is interesting, I’m not 100% sure what she is. I mean there are so many different races it's hard to keep track! No, stupid. I’m not talking about human races; I’m talking about aliens. She could be a martin, but they don’t usually appear as a woman. Although, that would be the greatest disguise. 

Now, now. Ignore her, she isn’t looking for trouble, that person in the corner, by those trash cans, now they're looking for some trouble. In fact, from the looks of it, they're about to start a fight with the woman standing next to them. Of course, that won’t do anything, seeing as she's a ghost and last I checked you can't punch a ghost. Believe me.

Oh, here comes the train. No, don’t get on. It’s not ours, it's theirs. You clearly haven’t been here before. There are multiple trains that go through this station some are for us, and some are for the others. This one in particular houses the circus. No not a circus, THE circus. That woman in the corner is going to get on, so is that man near the stairs. It’s funny though, seeing as they are on opposing sides, of course THE train is the only place they will get any privacy! Star crossed lovers obviously. It's like you've never been in love with the killer clown of the opposite circus, whose leader is a master sorcerer who is threatening to kill your mother. 

Oh, Look at that woman who's just come down the stairs. Her name is Emily Van Weber. She runs this train station. She is very powerful, so I wouldn’t talk to her. Of course, she is powerful, her last name is Weber? As in of the Weber family? As in the world best time weavers? Wanna know something funny? She was supposed to take over the family business, but then she took a trip to Venus and fell in love with this alien who I believes’ human name is Ken, so she ditched everything and made a bunch of  underground, illegal train stations, like this one, who defy the laws of time and space. She is technically wanted by the entire galaxy. She also runs an underground bunny smuggling operation. Yeah yeah, keep laughing, but there are times and places that don’t have bunnies and will pay a lot for some.

Now that man next to her is definitely not Ken. I think he’s Alexander Murdoch. The future president. Don’t worry, you won’t live to see him rule. He's super corrupt, but like he’s chill with the place existing, so long as we hook him up with 1920’s dishwashers. Hey! It's actually the most smuggled item in his time, you can make a load of money, and it's super illegal. Like “punished by death” illegal. Eh, I'm not sure why, I don't take trips to his time often, it's quite boring really, and by this time the protests have quieted and the people are complacent, which is clearly no fun.

Don’t look down trodden. Here, look at this badge. Yes, I know it looks worthless, but it's from a rebel group a couple of years after his “death”, don't question the quotation marks, and I am a part of it. They totally tear down the government and like it's pretty dope. Why wouldn’t I be? It's a rebellion!  

Alright, quiet down, I want to hear their conversation. Well I want to know what type of dishwasher he’s looking for, so I can get it first. I'm going to sell it to him obviously. Ugh, okay so here's how the deal between them works, she doesn't need to get it for him, but as long as someone who works or uses the trains sells it to him then it's fine. Don't be like that, I am a part of the rebellion, I am also making money on the side. Yeah, it's a bit manipulative, but it's not like the rebels know about this place, besides we’ve tried to start a rebellion sooner, but there is only so much one can change.

Is that... Oh crap, Stand in front of me. No not like that, like this. Now don’t look at me, it'll blow my cover.  That woman over there, the one who just showed up, the one in the wedding dress. We aren't on great terms, in fact most of the people here aren't on good terms with her. She is probably going to her wedding, or well one of them at least. She is literally married to someone in each era. It keeps her cover up. She is looking for a way to bring her true love back. Doesn't seem hard I know, considering time means nothing in these parts. But here's the thing, her love doesn’t exist. Okay, okay, wait till she leaves and I’ll explain.

Did she get on the train? Good. That means she's headed for the 80’s, interesting.  Anyway, like her love used to exist, but then she was caught committing this suuuper bad crime, so they uncreated her? I can't tell you what she did, just that I helped catch her. Which, in hindsight I feel bad for, considering I kind of agree with her. But that's not important anymore, she can't be brought back because she no longer exists. Don't look so scared, you wouldn't even be able to commit the kinda crime that would get you uncreated, your body literally would not survive it.

On another note, have you seen that man that was standing at the stairwell, when she came in? He entered the train? Great, just great. Well I was supposed to meet him a couple years ago, thought I would explain myself to him, but seeing as he's already popped into the 80’s and I really don't like the 80’s, I’ll see him some other time. No, the 1980′s are fine, in talking about the 3080′s. It's kind of a mess. Don’t worry about it, just some mega virus turning people into mindless pigs. Eh, they figure it out, but y'know, a lot of people get sick, and I really can't deal with it. 

Welp. Guess that's that. Where am I going? Nowhere, you’re leaving. Well, your train is here, and you have to go. Tell you what, if you find this place again, I’ll be waiting. I’ll tell you more next time. But for now, you have to go. Or else, you'll be here for another couple hours, and you don't have that kind of time. Heh, time.  Hurry the trains going to leave!

Goodbye! See you in a couple of years! Stay away from milk, trust me! Also stay away from your parrot. Oh, did I say that out loud?  Don’t worry about it! Bye!

As I said before, there something about the train station on E. Federal Dr. Just like there is something about the train Station on SW. Kentucky RD. Or on NE. Venusian St. It’s not the fact that technically these streets don't exist or that the train station cannot be found by those who don't deserve to find it. But rather. it's about those who are considered worthy of it that really make the place what it is. I mean, who decides that a smuggler, a ghost, a killer clown, a spy, an alien, and you are all worthy? The aura of this place, an aura filled with the weirdest of things, time and space and hope and power and love and hate. This aura that shouldn't exist, but does. It is the aura of the worthy, and only those who understand that enter.

[pessimisticlatte]

Glass Roses - Chapter 3

Miraculous Ladybug Fanfic part 3! ~ MAY CONTAIN SPOILERS

~Marichat ~ Adrienette ~ Lukagami ~ Marigami (platonic/one-sided crush) ~ Alynino/DJWifi

-Eventual Reveal-

~~~~~~~~~~

Marinette and Adrien walked side by side into the foyer of the cinema. Mari’s cheeks were still flushed with red, making the pale smattering of freckles across her cheeks and the bridge of her nose glow like constellations in twilight. Adrien kept sneaking looks at her as they walked, she was so animated as she spoke to Alya, her hands fluttering as she explained something Adrien had long since forgotten about. Her hair was pulled back into her signature pigtails, the midnight strands had grown considerably longer since he’d last seen her in the daylight. Even haloed by the moon, Adrien hadn’t been able to see all the changes both subtle and not that had become so evident in Marinette. He’d scarcely been able to talk to her before; her shyness and the never ending hive of people buzzing around him meant that she became overwhelmed quickly and fled. But she was so much more confident than she used to be, her smile was so much brighter and more open, making her look so much more angelic than she already was.

“What do you think, Adrien?” Mari’s voice cut through this musings. Shaking his head slightly, he met her beautiful blue eyes with an air of confusion. Her smile faltered slightly, the corners of her lips unable to decide if they wanted to keep her face positive or slide into a negative mask. 

“He wasn’t listening, Mari, don’t take it to heart,” Nino laughed, coming around Adrien’s side and placing his hand on his best friend’s shoulder. “How about you girls go pick a movie and we’ll hang here and wait for you?”

“I thought you guys had already chosen a movie?” Marinette’s forehead wrinkled beneath her wispy fringe and the corners of her moth dimpled with confusion.

“We hadn’t, it was just an excuse not to check online for what was showing,” Alya rubbed the back of her neck with an uncomfortable chuckle before grabbing Mari’s arm and dragging her toward the ticket counter.

Nino rounded on Adrien, checking that the girls were out of earshot swiftly before continuing. “You got distracted by her, didn’t you?” Nino’s voice took on a sing-song tone as he teased Adrien. Adrien felt a blush rising in his own cheeks, rolling up his neck in strange waves, making the hair at the base of his neck tingle.

“Uh...is it that obvious?” Adrien hung his head and looked at his feet.

“Well, to me, your bestest bud in the whole world, it’s so obvious, man. You’re like a preschooler with a crush,” Adrien raised his head and held in a laugh at the look on Nino’s face. The other boy had pushed his bottom lip out to an extreme level and was making an expression with his eyes that Adrien could only describe as ‘gooey puppy dog eyes’. “But she definitely didn’t notice, man, so I think that you’re all good in keeping this lil’ crush a secret.”

“You don’t think she noticed?” Looking over at the girls at the ticket counter, Adrien’s heart skipped a beat. The fluorescent lights of the foyer were catching the dark highlights of Mari’s hair as she tipped her head back to look at the digital screen showing all the movies on offer today, he could almost hear her voice as she turned to Alya and suggested something. The redhaired girl bumped Mari with her shoulder and whispered something to her, sending her into a fit of giggles.

“Marinette exists in her own world, man, sometimes she...misses things, but if you keep up making lovey eyes at her, she might catch on before you have a chance to tell her,” Nino was looking at Alya as he shrugged toward Adrien. Alya had wrapped her arm around Marinette’s shoulders and was pointing to something on the screen, both appeared to finally agree on something as they walked up to the clerk. “Mari didn’t realise that Alya and I were dating until Al and I had been together for six months, man. She’s a smart girl, a wonderful girl, but perceptive she tends not to be.”

Adrien nodded his agreement and hoped that she wouldn’t decide that today was the day to be more perceptive. The girls began walking back over to them, tickets held in one of Marinette’s hands as the other one swung, clutching Alya’s, between her and the other girl. 

“Did ya pick a good movie? No chick flicks, I hope,” Nino put his arm out and Alya walked into it, letting him wrap her into a one armed hug as she slipped her arm around his waist. 

“You love chick flicks, Nino, don’t lie,” Alya bumped her shoulder up into Nino’s armpit as he let out a loud laugh. “You made me watch the notebook! You turned off Doctor Strange because it was ‘too scary’ and put the notebook on!”

“Alright, alright, I’m not gonna lie to ya, Al,” Alya smiled like a cat who had just gotten the cream it had been begging for and began to lead the group toward the cinema. Walking side by side, Mari and Adrien followed them, both of them felt a heat rising in their necks as they avoided eye contact with each other and anyone else. Their hands were so close to each other that Adrien had to stop himself from grabbing her hand and holding it. His pinky finger rubbed hers for a split second and sent a jolt up his arm. Unaware, Marinette felt the same jolt and immediately crossed her arms across her stomach; she was still unsure if Adrien knew of her crush on him so she chocked the small touch up to coincidence. 

“So...how have your holidays been, Mari?” Adrien slid his hands into his pockets, he kept the disappointment from his voice about Mari crossing her arms as he spoke.

“Um...they were good…,” She shot him a small, slightly embarrassed smile. “I hung out with Alya and Nino a lot...how was New York. I mean, I know how New York was, we spoke about it a lot, but...was it good spending time with your dad?”

“It was great spending time with him. Since Maman died he hasn’t been the same and had really thrown himself into his work. I know it wasn’t my fault but Nathalie told me about grief and how different people cope with it so I guessed that Dad has just been healing differently. Everyone has always said that I look a lot like Maman, so I can understand why he would have had trouble spending a lot of time with me,” Marinette didn’t exactly understand. She hadn’t lost anyone like Adrien had lost his mother and she’d always been lucky to have parents who would drop everything to spend time with her; she tried to empathise as she heard the slight quaver in his voice. The thought of grief and healing brought her back to the thoughts she’d had the other night about Hawkmoth. 

Adrien couldn’t possibly be Hawkmoth but it made Marinette wonder if the supervillain could possibly be someone like Adrien who had lost one parent after losing another and just wanted that time back. The way Adrien spoke about grief and how his father dealt with it didn’t seem like something a power-hungry villain would do, even in their civilian form. 

“Y’know, I’ve missed spending time with him and I’m thankful for the time I’ve gotten but I wish we hadn’t lost her,” Even as Adrien whispered those solemn words, Marinette knew, deep in her heart, that the neglected boy walking beside her wouldn’t have it in him to tear the rest of the world apart for a parent he barely knew. “He’s my dad and I’ll always love him, when he’s reached the end of his grieving process I just know that he’ll make up for the lost time.”

“I’m sure he will, Adrien, even if he doesn’t show it often I know that he loves you, and that he loves you enough for both himself and your mother,” Mari placed a gentle hand on Adrien’s bicep with a sincere smile. “And, even if she isn’t your mother, Nathalie loves you too. She’d be so proud of you, Adrien, just like your dad and Nathalie already are.

Adrien and Marinette walked down the aisle into their seats behind Nino and Alya. Nino was on Alya’s right and Marinette was on Alya’s left, leaving Adrien to sit on Marinette’s left. Nino opened up his backpack and pulled out a couple of packets of lollies and chocolate as well as some cups and a bottle of iced tea.

“Why iced tea, Nino? You’ve been drinking soft drink religiously for the last few weeks,” Marinette accepted the cup Nino had poured and handed to her before she carefully passed it onto Adrien, accepting the next cup passed by Alya. 

“I told him that he could die of a heart attack if he kept drinking so much so I’ve put him on to tea and this is one of the few iced tea brands he doesn’t argue with me about drinking,” Nino took a sip of the iced tea with a grin as Alya rolled her eyes with a silly smile. 

“I’ve been telling him to cut down on his caffeine intake for months and he only listens when you say it?” Adrien feigned a look of betrayal, his hand pressed over his heart with his mouth dramatically agape. Marinette let a laugh out through her nose, trying not to send the iced tea she’d just taken a sip of spurting out her nostrils. Alya patted Mari gently on the back as the dark haired girl began to choke slightly.

“You know I love you, boo,” Nino reached his hand out toward Adrien behind the two girls backs, Adrien took the other boy’s hand, mimicking the face of a newly engaged woman from a Victorian era movie. “But you’re not a gorgeous redhead with a rockin’ bod and my balls in a nutcracker.”

Alya’s laugh echoed through the slowly filling cinema as Mari began to choke, yet again. A couple of the new people walking into the cinema shot them some very strange looks; a hysterically laughing girl, a choking girl, and two boys holding hands over said girls didn’t look like something they’d expect to see in the audience of a movie. The movie itself was a different story.

Adrien let go of Nino’s hand and patted Mari on the back as the lights in the cinema began to dim and the curtains framing the screen slid away to reveal a larger screen than they had entered to. Once all the lights were off, Mari’s coughing subdued and her breathing returned to normal, the film began to roll on the projector screen before them as classical music filtered through the speakers surrounding them. Marinette had placed her arm on the armrest between her and Adrien, her long fingers tapped along to the melody of the music and her head swayed slightly from side to side with the harmony. He was so distracted by seeing her careful fingers matching the piano chords that the rest of the world slipped away and the room was reduced to him, Marinette and her delicate fingers flowing like water between them.

She’d sat at his piano with him once and listened to him play. It had felt so different then. Adrien hadn’t been aware of the feelings he had for her and having Marinette beside him as he poured the music from his wounded heart into the piano hadn’t felt so intimate. She had been his best friend, a calming and steady presence in his life, and nothing more. But here, in this cinema, surrounded by people, they could have been in the middle of a stampede and it would have felt achingly intimate. Adrien wanted to take her hand and teach her the chords of his favourite song on the piano, he wanted to listen to the music they could make together and know that it wasn’t coming from a wounded heart anymore but a steadily healing one, a heart finally ready to look beyond Ladybug and her dismissal of him as well as the parental influence he’d lacked for so long from his only living biological parent. 

Adrien’s eyes flicked upward and caught the profile of Mari’s face. The screen was illuminated in her eyes, Adrien could almost see the cogs turning in her mind as she processed the story and began to tell one of her own in the beautiful tapestry she called her head. Absentmindedly, Marinette reached up to a loose lock of her hair and tucked it gently behind her ear, the dark strands seemed to absorb the flickering from the screen. For the first time in his life, Adrien found himself inspecting her earrings. They looked strangely familiar but Adrien couldn’t put his finger on why; if his mind hadn’t been so full of thoughts surrounding the slight wave of her hair, the soft plumpness of her lips, the thick curls of her lashes, then maybe he would have been able to dredge up the memory of where he’d seen them before.

~~~~~~~

Mari felt his eyes on the side of her face before he turned away and focused on the movie playing above them. She felt so much more comfortable beside him now than she had before summer had come; she couldn’t place why or what had changed but she was grateful not to be a dorky, blubbering mess in front of him anymore. In the back of her mind, Marinette tucked away the memory of this moment; how it felt to sit beside him in almost complete silence and just exist in his presence. She hoped that she could relive this moment with him again one day, just the two of them though, maybe with their hands clutched together on the armrest between them.

She held in a secret, joyful smile but knew that the slight movements in her lips meant that she hadn’t done as good a job as she thought.

~~~~~~~

After the movie, the friends went and got ice cream together and walked down the Champs-Elysees until they reached a nice, sunny spot and sat on a bench looking out over the park and the Fontaine de la Grille du Coq. The days were long but the time they’d spent together felt short, Adrien had his chauffeur drop Marinette home first, then Alya, leaving Adrien and Nino in the back seat of the limousine together.

“So, did ya have fun?” Nino elbowed Adrien in the ribs.

“Yeah, I missed you guys while I was away,” Adrien pressed a button that closed the partition between the back seat and the driver in the front.

“Missed Mari, you mean?” Adrien glared at the smirk on Nino’s face in the shiny, black partition now close before them.

“Shut up,”

“You know it’s true!” The car started to pull to a stop and the boys heard the driver’s door open, then close. “Well, looks like that’s my cue. Adios, amigo.”

“Adios,” Adrien and Nino bumped fists as the door on Nino’s side opened and the Gorilla waited patiently for him to get out. Nino slid along the seat and climbed out of the car, saluting Adrien a joking goodbye, the Gorilla closed the door and left Adrien, all alone, in the back of the car. Resting his head on the back of the seat as the car slowly began to roll back into motion and race toward the Agreste mansion.

The design of Marinette’s earrings was still puzzling him, out of the three piercings she had in her ear, the one furthest down on her lobe had caught his eye. The tiny ladybug shaped stud in the upper cartilage of her ear and the small golden hoop next to the studs that had confused him were new and foreign. He hadn’t paid attention much to the piercings punched through her ear but he had paid enough to know that she only had one in each ear when he’d seen her last. He hadn’t noticed them when he’d visited her as Chat either, but her hair had been out then. 

Picturing the earrings in his mind’s eye, Adrien didn’t gloss over a single detail as he assessed what he remembered. They seemed so unassuming, a glinting black-brown with tiny, single coloured, matte circles on them, almost like the little black dots on the body of the ladybug stud in her cartilage. Adrien was still exhausted from the trip home from New York but he tucked the analysis he’d gone through into a pocket of his mind to come back to later.

~~~~~~~~

Mari was leaning on the railing of her balcony, her hair loose around her shoulders again. The long, midnight strands tickled her bare shoulders with feathery softness; she’d let it grow longer than she wanted to over the holidays, she’d been meaning to cut it for days now but just hadn’t gotten around to it. She’d swapped her pyjama shirt from last night out for a loose, spaghetti strap singlet, Alya had bought them both a matching set of pyjamas years ago and while Ayla had outgrown them in height and breadth, Marinette had not and she still loved the pyjama set as much as the day Alya had presented them to her. The breeze caused the legs of her three-quarter length pants to rub against her legs and send goosebumps prickling across her skin. Her feet were bare on the concrete of the balcony, but she wasn’t cold. Spending time with Adrien and Alya and Nino today had left her heart warmer than black plastic in the height of summer, the heat of the day that was still branded into the floor helped keep her warm too.

Footsteps thudded behind her but she didn’t turn to see who had joined her on the balcony. Her mother or father would’ve announced their presence as they came through the trapdoor up to her room and she knew that their footfalls wouldn’t have been as heavy as those of the visitor she was expecting tonight.

“You are just as beautiful as the sun setting before you, purr-incess,” Chat Noir leaned beside Marinette on the railing, the wind ruffled his golden hair and separated the delicately curling strands as they blew across his forehead. Mari rolled her eyes.

“It’s good to see you too, Kitty cat,” Mari nudged his elbow with hers, though she held both her elbows in her hands. Almost effectively crossing them but not as severe as fully crossing them might have been taken. “Did you have a good day, Chaton?”

The way Marinette said ‘Chaton’ suddenly sent a deep shock of deja vu thundering through Adrien’s body. The lilt of her voice and the playfulness in her tone was so...so...Ladybug. When Ladybug had first called him Chaton she’d sounded just how Mari did now; so joyful and sweet and carefree, different to the Ladybug he’d patrolled with before he’d gone away. Ladybug had been stressed and overwhelmed, that much had shown in the brittleness of her demeanor when they’d last spoken.

“Chaton?” Marinette’s beautiful, big blue eyes met Adrien’s with concern. “Is something wrong?”

“Nothing is wrong, princesa, I was merely lost in a thought for a moment,” Adrien gave Mari an assuring smile that had her pressing her lips together in mild concern before returning to their full cupid’s bow shape. “I had a wonderful day but I’m not sure if Mi’lady would be overly happy with me spilling the beans and juicy details.”

He wanted to drop hints now. His gut told him that, if what Nino had said to him earlier today about Marinette’s perceptiveness (or lack thereof) was true, she might give away how she knew Ladybug without saying it outright. The amount of time Adrien had spent alone meant that he had become something of an expert in wheedling information out of people without them needing to be blunt, when it came to emotions though he’d never been good at deciphering those.

“Why would Ladybug be unhappy if you told me about your day?” The wind blew Mari’s fringe over her face and obscured her vision, with careful fingers, Chat swept the strands back behind her ear. The hard plastic claws on the tips of his fingers grazed the soft skin of her cheek with gentle precision, he didn’t want to hurt her or mark her, he just wanted to touch her but he knew that he wouldn’t be able to place his uncovered palm on her cheek. Not now anyway.

“Well, she’s your friend, and I know that Mi’lady cares very deeply for her friends, so much so that she and I don’t know who each other outside our masks so we don’t accidentally put our families and friends at risk. If I give away too much, you could be put at risk,” Mari’s head cocked to the side slightly at his words.

“I understand her worry about me, if I was a superhero like her, I’d want to keep my loved ones as safe as I possibly could,” She turned her face away from him and looked back out over the city. His eyes snagged on the round stud in the lobe of her ear again, the light allowed him to inspect them better. The shiny surface of the stud between the matte black dots had an almost red sheen to them. That red sheen looked like it could be so much more vibrant if the earrings were given some attention with some jewellery cleaner.

“Then you’ll have to take my word on how good my day was,” Adrien let some classic Chat Noir mirth seep into his voice as he nudged Mari back.

“I have to admit that I’m curious as to who you are behind that pretty black mask and interesting green contact lenses,” Adrien let out a rich laugh. That was his Marinette, curious but careful. She had more curiosity in her pinky fingernail than Adrien had in his entire body but she was more careful about it than he was, if she wanted to poke around in things she tended not to get herself into deep trouble.

“Of course you are, princesa, I wouldn’t expect anything less from the best friend of Alya Cesaire,”

“How do you know Alya?” Marinette faced him fully again, taking her arms off the railing and leaning against it with her hip.

“Does anyone not know the world’s first and best Ladyblogger?”

“Of course, you’d know about her from the Ladyblog,” A soft laugh escaped Marinette’s lips, almost sending Chat’s heart beating out of his chest. “I didn’t expect that you’d follow a blog about you and Ladybug.”

“Well, I can’t possibly follow a blog about you, can I, princess?” The smile on Mari’s face as Chat said those words was brighter than anything he’d ever seen in his life. To say that the sun dimmed when her smile appeared was far too much of an understatement; the sun wouldn’t need to shine ever again if Marinette never stopped smiling. “Or is there one that I’m not aware of?”

“You flatter me, Kitty, but I’m not that interesting, I wouldn’t have anything to post on a blog solely dedicated to me,”

“I beg to differ! You could tell the world about our chats and they’d still be the least interesting part of your life,”

“I wonder what you actually think I do in my daily life, Chaton,” Mari stuck her tongue out at Chat and giggled. “I think you are making me sound like I do so much more than I actually do.”

“An amazing aspiring fashion designer with designs to rival Gabriel Agreste himself,” Marinette blushed and ducked her head. “A sweet, kind and wonderful friend with boundless love and advice to give. I couldn’t imagine someone I’d want to stalk online more.”

“Oi!’ Mari whacked him in the ribs with her elbow at that comment. “Creepy Chaton.”

“Aww, you love my company, princess, don’t deny it! And I’m sure that you’re very flattered that I, the great Chat Noir, would go out of my way to stalk you online,”

“Think whatever you want, Kitty Cat, I’ll neither confirm nor deny your suggestion,”

“By neither confirming nor denying my suggestion, you’ve inadvertently confirmed it,” Marinette shook her head with a laugh and pulled Chat to sit beside her on the large, round daybed she’d been lounging in last time he visited her.

Chat crossed his legs beneath him on the daybed and fiddled with the end of his tail, curling and uncurling it around his baton as he and Mari sat in comfortable silence.

“I did miss you, you know,” Chat stopped playing with his tail and baton, meeting Mari’s eyes in the now completely dimmed light of day.

“Miss me when? When I was gone today?” 

“No! Not today, Chat! When you went wherever it was you went, I missed you a lot and Ti-,” Mari stopped herself. “Timena, a friend I made online who lives in New Zealand, said that I should tell you.”

Adrien had caught Marinette’s pause before she said ‘Timena’. He’d met the Ladybug Kawmi when he and Ladybug had fought Reflekta. Plagg hadn’t been unable to find him and Tikki hadn’t been able to find Ladybug so they’d swapped Kwami’s for the battle and discreetly swapped back, without seeing each other, after it was over. The pause after she said the first syllable added yet another layer of suspicion to the growing in his mind.

“Timena sounds like a smart guy,” Chat shot Mari a dimpled smirk.

“Timena is a girl, or she was last time I asked her, so I’ll trust her preferred pronouns over your assumed ones,” The sarcasm in Marinette’s voice was thicker than a concrete slab.

“You wound me, princesa,” Chat placed a hand over his heart and pouted at Mari, the pupils of his jade green eyes expanding in an almost comical way as they reflected the twinkling pinpricks in the sky behind her.

“Oh, your poor pride,” Chat ran his hand through his hair, brushing against the cat ears perched on his head as Mari teased him.

“I accept your apology,” Marinette stuck her tongue out at him. They sat in silence again for a little while, the sounds of Paris at night were so melodic to their ears. Snuggling down into the pillows, Mari asked Chat to tell her a story. It didn’t have to be about his life outside the mask, it didn’t even have to be true, but she wanted to listen to his voice. Hearing her ask him to speak to her, just speak and not talk, filled his stomach with butterflies. She liked listening to his voice, she enjoyed hearing him ramble; Adrien didn’t think he’d had a better compliment given to him in his entire life. As Chat spoke, telling a second hand story one of his friends from New York had shared with him, Marinette started to drift off to sleep, she moved around on the daybed and rested her head in Chat’s lap. 

She wasn’t sure why she’d so brazenly put her head in Chat’s lap but it felt right. He kept talking as she gazed up at the sky, her eyes blinking sleepily, reflecting the stars. Chat began to gently massage her scalp with his claws as he spoke, she let out a small groan, almost like a purr, that rattled around in his chest. He felt her breathing slow as she finally, fully drifted into a deep sleep, she looked so beautiful. He didn’t want to wake her up but he also didn’t want to move her off his lap, he was in heaven.

Continuing his story, Chat carefully moved Marinette so he could lift her up and carry her into her room. Holding her like a porcelain doll in his arms, he whispered the story to her as her head rested on his shoulder.

“Plagg, claws in,” Adrien whispered, the Cat Kwami came rocketing out of his ring. Plagg let out a loud yawn which caused Marinette to stir slightly in Adrien’s arms, he wasn’t scared of her waking up though. If she saw him holding her, she may think it only a dream but if she found it as real as it actually was when she woke, he didn’t care that she’d discover who he really was. He trusted Mari with his life, even if she didn’t know it. Ladybug might think her too fragile to know that Adrien Agreste was Chat Noir but something in him told him that Marinette knew who was behind Ladybug’s mask; this quietly strong girl wouldn’t go down without a fight if Hawkmoth came for her and tried to pry his identity from her. Mari hadn’t been akumatized yet and if she was strong enough to resist an Akuma, even with the crappy way Chloe treated her, Hawkmoth would have another thing coming.

Seeing the sleeping girl in Adrien’s arms, Plagg immediately shut his mouth and decided to keep his complaining for camembert until they got back to the Agreste Mansion. A small, red and black plush looking toy was curled on Marinette’s pillow as Adrien got closer to the bed. The small plush suddenly rolled over and blinked as Plagg floated over to Marinette’s desk and accidentally knocked an empty drink bottle off the side of it in his usual, disrespectful manner. Tikki’s huge eyes widened as she saw Adrien holding Marinette in front of her and Plagg, facedown, on Mari’s desk, snoring like the hum of a chainsaw. 

“A-adrien?” Tikki sleepily floated over to Adrien and floated in front of his face. “W-why’re you here?”

“I came to visit Mari...I didn’t expect you to be here,” The sight of Tikki had his heart thundering, his mind refused to accept what he’d been mulling over for a lot longer than the past few days. Marinette was Ladybug, Ladybug was Marinette. The girl that he’d loved for so long, that he’d worked beside and patrolled beside, was the same girl who brought him croissants at school in the morning because she knew he’d skipped breakfast, who had sat beside him in the movie today and who had assured him that his father loved him, was proud of him. Somehow, the thought of Mari keeping her identity as Ladybug a secret from him didn’t make him angry. He thought of how many times she’d told him that they couldn’t reveal who they were for the sake of their loved ones, and it only made the love he had for her grow stronger. Her parents, her grandparents, Alya, Alya’s family, Nino, Mylene, Ivan, Juleka, Luka, Rose, Alix, Max, Kim, they were all so important to her as Marinette, that of course she’d want to keep them safe from Hawkmoth as Ladybug. 

“You can’t tell her you know, Adrien,” Tikki warned, her tiny voice was shaking . “Since Master Fu gave up guardianship, she’s known that she has to reveal herself eventually but you have to give her time. Please let her tell you when she’s ready, Marinette has never wanted to keep this from you but she thought of the people she loved and how devastated she’d be if something happened to them and she didn’t want that to happen to you.”

“I won’t, Tikki,” Adrien balanced Marinette against himself as he pulled the covers of her bed back. “I understand that she needs time and I’ll give it to her, as both Adrien and Chat. She’s done so much for me, the least I can do is do this for her.”

“You love her, don’t you, Adrien?” Adrien gently laid Marinette down on her bed, Tikki floating worriedly beside him.

“I love her as Ladybug and I was developing feelings for her as Marinette, but now that I know that Marinette is Ladybug, I love both sides of her, she’s a very special person,” Marinette stirred slightly as Adrien carefully moved her pillow beneath her head and pulled her sheets up over her. “I couldn’t ask for a better Ladybug, Tikki, or a better Marinette.”

“Give her time,” Adrien pulled back from Mari and watched her roll slightly in her bed, pulling her sheets up around her chin with a soft sigh. “She…..she feels the same way about you, Adrien. But Marinette doesn’t know that it’s you behind Chat Noir’s mask so she’s conflicted; she knows how she feels about you but she doesn’t understand how she feels about Chat. Please, Adrien.”

“I promise you, Tikki, that I won’t tell her who I am until she’s ready. I would want her to do the same for me, if our roles were reversed,” Adrien tucked her hair back behind her ear and pressed a feather light-kiss to her temple. Marinette liked him too, but she’d only accepted him as Adrien. He knew that she’d accept him as Chat too, why wouldn’t she? “Sleep tight, Mari.”

“You should go, Adrien, before Plagg wakes up and starts pointing at his mouth,” With a smile on his lips and a lightness in his heart, Adrien nodded and called his Kwami back into the ring. Slipping out through the open doors to Marinette’s balcony, Adrien glanced at her sleeping form one more time and disappeared out into the night.

~~~~~~~~~TAGLINE~~~~~~

@lady-charinette

@katieykat513

DM me to be added to the tag line to get updates for when I post :P - I currently don’t have any plans to upload this to AO3 or Fanfic.net just yet but I might in the future so keep your eyes peeled!

I hope you enjoyed this! Feel free to leave me some comments on if you liked it and what you liked about it, I’m more than happy to hear what you think I can do better! If you’d like me to write a one-shot or story for you, DM me too because I love writing things for others and I can’t imagine anything better than helping put your headcanons into text (if you like how I write, of course). I won’t be actively trying to fill fan-service with this story so that’s why I’m offering to do one-shots for anyone with different ships (not just for miraculous fans, but DM me to see if I’m a part of the fandom first and if I’m not I will go out of my way to watch/read it.)

Lots of love, Rosie (@/miidgiemoo)

[evergreen-dryad]

7, 8, 15, and 19? ^-^

(sorry for the late reply! Wifi is rotten and as you can see I thought long and hard for each ask)

My favourite...

7 - quote: ...this is actually quite hard because I don’t have a specific one that springs to mind.

I do store certain quotes though, like from fanfiction or poetry. And I used to copy down quotes into notebooks (can’t refer to them right now though...)

(And there really are a lot of good quotes ranging from advice to celebrating life.)

So to pick one that I live by and is part of me now? Hmm...

The most important kind of freedom is to be what you really are. You trade in your reality for a role. You trade in your sense for an act. You give up your ability to feel, and in exchange, put on a mask. There can't be any large-scale revolution until there's a personal revolution, on an individual level. It's got to happen inside first.  ― Jim Morrison

Just because something isn't a lie does not mean that it isn't deceptive. A liar knows that he is a liar, but one who speaks mere portions of truth in order to deceive is a craftsman of destruction.  ― Criss Jami  

The above two are so part of me now I nearly forgot they once came from an outside source.

“Perhaps this world no longer needs me, but I believe I need it. The world has its own marvels. Why not make the best of the wonders that already surround us?” ― novalotypo, brilliant lights will cease to burn (by my hand i'll reignite them), chapter 7 (Yorihiko, a god)

Rivers know this: there is no hurry. We shall get there some day.  ― A.A. Milne, Winnie the Pooh

it’s not the actual direct quote, it’s more of a paraphrase.

To impoverish the world of the birds and the bees is to impoverish it of the bards and the biologists. ― Maria Popova, Brain Pickings

It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are. ― e.e. cummings

Character — the willingness to accept responsibility for one’s own life — is the source from which self-respect springs. ― Joan Didion, Slouching Towards Bethleham

Perfection is “lean” and “taut” and “hard” — like a boy athlete of twenty, a girl gymnast of twelve. What kind of body is that for a man of fifty or a woman of any age? “Perfect”? What’s perfect? A black cat on a white cushion, a white cat on a black one . . . A soft brown woman in a flowery dress . . . There are a whole lot of ways to be perfect, and not one of them is attained through punishment. ― Ursula K. Le Guin, Dogs, Cats, and Dancers: Thoughts about Beauty

just that entire essay. I wish I could imprint it into the underside of my eyelids and carry it everywhere with me. It is perhaps one of the enduring reasons why I would like to take up dancing.

Perfectionism is a mean, frozen form of idealism, while messes are the artist’s true friend.

In order to be a writer, you have to learn to be reverent. If not, why are you writing? Why are you here? …  Think of those times when you’ve read prose or poetry that is presented in such a way that you have a fleeting sense of being startled by beauty or insight, by a glimpse into someone’s soul. All of a sudden everything seems to fit together or at least to have some meaning for a moment. ― Anne Lamott, Bird by Bird: Some Instructions on Writing and Life

It seems that a great deal is there, the things we most fear (and therefore deny), the things we most need (and therefore deny). I wonder, couldn't we start listening to our dreams, and our children’s dreams? "Where did you fall to, and what did you discover?”    ― Ursula K. Le Guin, The Word for World is Forest.

Um, have my current top 11 10 instead? ...It’s really too hard for me to pick just one. The first 4 all originate from fanfiction, 3 of which were quoted in the beginning notes/were the theme of the fic.

8 - type of dream: the type where I’m transported. the type I can remember vividly as I’m released from sleep. But sadly, most dreams I remember are from when I’ve been awoken abruptly in the day.

I think I love most the dreams where I’m floating, or swimming, in a great big beautiful body of water, and there is a new fantastic grotesque exaggerated world tossed up like mismatched pieces to explore.

15 - decade before the 2020s: (*breaks into a wheeze* ”I’m not that old...” I said out loud.)

Decade which I actually lived through: ...I suppose 2000-2010? Things were still quieter, the hill was still green and undisturbed (less land cleared), some people still fished in the large drain (?) and I could look out for the turtles my father told me were there in his time, yes 2008 was the year of the GFC but... my family was still better off in those years. Just less worries overall, far less reliance on electronics. What was internet? Historical decade: ...that would suppose a location as well. I’ve never really been so fascinated by historical eras I want to experience them (too many cons for women in the past lol), but perhaps the time period the Library of Alexandria was still standing, before its decline. So around 200 BC lol

19 - poem: hMM.

I thought it would be e.e. cummings, but surprisingly it’s The Song of Wandering Aengus by William Butler Yeats. And I actually like Robert Frost’s style more than these two. I wish I read more poetry and I keep forgetting to check out haikus but yeah what exposure I get tends to be from fanfiction.

I went out to the hazel wood, Because a fire was in my head, And cut and peeled a hazel wand, And hooked a berry to a thread; And when white moths were on the wing, And moth-like stars were flickering out, I dropped the berry in a stream And caught a little silver trout. When I had laid it on the floor I went to blow the fire aflame, But something rustled on the floor, And some one called me by my name: It had become a glimmering girl With apple blossom in her hair Who called me by my name and ran And faded through the brightening air. Though I am old with wandering Through hollow lands and hilly lands, I will find out where she has gone, And kiss her lips and take her hands; And walk among long dappled grass, And pluck till time and times are done The silver apples of the moon, The golden apples of the sun.

Why do I like this poem best:

fantasy-like/fae vibes

‘because a fire was in my head’ -- lovely way to describe overthinking etc which is the state I can typically be found in. Running out to nature to clear my thoughts? Also a thing I do

idyllic life descriptions. I just love the imagery in the first verse. That entire fishing sequence with moths and stars and a silver fish (white white white)? Muah

last verse is our protagonist pining till old age, v romantic

I’m just asdwd at that last two lines. It’s such pretty imagery, and are they implying they’ve found Eden-like perfection by finding the girl? Anyway something about those two lines seize my imagination by the throat. It’s very mythlike.

[svtskneecaps]

@transparentnctseventeenperson YOU WANTED GUIDES HERE U GO I THREW MYSELF OUT OF MY BED IN EXCITEMENT SEEING THAT I STG

(people who know better pls check my work am baby)

THE LONG AND SHORT OF IT: TRCNG is a ten membered boy group under ts entertainment that debuted in October 2017 with Spectrum and deserves the absolute world thank u. Fandom name is Champions, we waited for y e a r s and we finally have it

(unfortunately i don’t speak korean and can’t force myself to watch through videos i don’t understand longer than like ten seconds, and with a lack of subbed video content there’s only so much i know about personalities so i’ll have to mostly stay away from there,,,,, i’m sorry)

Music Videos Yeehaw:

Missing

Wolf Baby

Spectrum

Utopia (it’s a dance practice technically but i fuckin love that song)

Game Changer has an mv i think but it’s blocked in my country (and no, i don’t have a VPN :( i don’t trust myself to download things anymore))

Blogs on Tumblr:

@hohyeon-anti (translations and other things, they’re gr8)

@bapwoo (gifs and other things, they’re also gr8 and helped me out when i went full stan)

(i can’t give u pointers on any other platform i don’t use twitter sorry; hopefully those guys can fill in my blanks tho)

discord (i snagged the one from bapwoo bc that’s the one i joined?? idk if it’s the same as the one hohyeon-anti runs and honestly i’m too afraid to check yeehaw edit: have recieved confirmation, they’re the same)

Translation Accs on Youtube (that I know of)

Rising Subs (inactive; last upload was 1 year ago)

TRCNG Subs (inactive; last upload was 1 year ago)

(just as a side note there’s this great channel that does crack for them it’s adoringguk check them out too it’s not optional they’re funny)

Other better guides:

An Actual Helpful Guide to TRCNG (it’s like 40 minutes tho, the price we pay for helpful rip)

An unhelpful guide to TRCNG (shorter and from November 2017, a month after debut, but still a goody it’ll hand u the basics)

An introduction they did on Arirang/Pops in Seoul (i don’t know how to introduce this one rip)

Members (i’m using their kprofiles page to make sure i’m not spreading inaccurate facts):

again, i can’t speak for personalities beyond intuition so unfortunately most of these are gonna be p short i’m sorry take it with a grain of salt (most of my knowledge comes from the 20 or so odd subtitled vids on the channels i linked + whoever posts on instagram, but there’s only so much i can glean from short captions, and some people post there like once in a blue moon so,,, sorry)

(if people have anything to add go for it i’ll credit)

Yang Taeseon

September 2000

leader

lead vocalist

a whole beanstalk (5′ 11″ / 182 cm) {most of them are beanstalks honestly what are they feeding them}

why are most of the clips i see of him screeching from somewhere offscreen i adore him

Kim Jihun

January 2000

oldest

lead vocalist

he played the violin (so as a viola i am duty bound to duel him)

had an acting career

gets overexcited and is probably going to hurt himself (fell off his chair once rip love him)

Choi Hayoung

August 22 2000 (s o o n)

main vocalist

speaks english (he lived in LA at one point wow fancy)

s i r e n n o i s e (it’s almost as bad as the one by my house damn dude what are your lungs)

knows / is friends w nct haechan (we stan intergroup friendships) (thx bapwoo)

Lee Hakmin

September 2000

kprofile has him listed as ‘vocalist, dancer’ and i don’t know enough about roles to disagree

he’s left handed nerd

jongup fanboy no 1 (thx bapwoo)

Jo Wooyeop

September 2000

vocalist, dancer

likes coffee; nickname ‘sweet caffeine’ bc he’s sweet & likes coffee

can do a minion impression (honey i love u but you’re on THIN FUCKIN ICE)

reportedly has two dogs, the intellectual (thx bapwoo)

Kim Jisung whaaaat another kpop jisung whatever will we do

December 2000

high rapper

child actor (i’m pretty sure he met / did a show with nct’s jisung but don’t quote me on that; there’s so many jisungs it could have been any of them) (bapwoo says it’s cursed and we do not speak but idk car wash balloon jisung is still p cute)

(i had to add the pic jisung honey i’m sorry)

had braces pre-debut

a little bit camera shy in some of those old videos (dunno if it still stands)

HIS MIND WTF SOME OF THE THINGS HE’S WRITTEN (here’s an example, another example)

Kim Hyunwoo

January 2001

low rapper, dancer

him n jisung trained the longest

he’s got this lil peace sign like thing i keep seeing him doing n it’s cute

voice so deep it’s illegal excuse u

has a cat (thx bapwoo) (ARE THERE PICS OF THE BAB IDK I LOVE CATS dogs are great but they scare me rip)

Yoo Siwoo

May 2001

low rapper

SPEAKS RUSSIAN HOW COOL IS THAT

lived in Kyrgyzstan for awhile, kprofiles says 7 years but i cannot confirm (thx bapwoo)

breaking: siwoo’s hair in missing era kills hundreds, more at ten

Lee Hohyeon

October 2001 (he’s younger than me and yet oodles more talented how is this possible)

main rapper

writes lyrics for their albums w jisung (w ow)

reportedly hosted The Show w Youngjae (i’m assuming a bap member but i didn’t stan rip) (thx bapwoo)

Kim Kangmin

November 2001

main vocalist, maknae

also wore braces pre-debut

damn good at bboying (second video on this insta post he’s like a helicopter wtf where did physics go)

does short covers of various songs (his bad guy cover killed me; i can’t listen to the original anymore like i’m sorry i just can’t)\

i’d look up more shit but i already spent like 2 hours on this rip and i think that’s p good for the basics; again for older stans pls correct me or add to this if you need/want

THANK U FOR LOOKING THESE BOYS DESERVE THE WORLD

[timeagainreviews]

The Fabric of Time and Space

Hello friends! It's been quite a busy time for me. Not only did we have a houseguest for about a week, we got a dog! She's an adopted Irish greyhound named Aoife, and she's a good old girl. Needless to say, lots of things happening. I wanted to write sooner so that I could talk about the death of Terrance Dicks, but finding the time was difficult. While Dicks was a bit of an old school writer when it came to women, I absolutely love "The Horror of Fang Rock." However, one of the things for which Dicks was most beloved was his Doctor Who prose. Whether it be the Target novels, or even the BBC range, chances are that if you've read much Doctor Who prose, you've read some Terrance Dicks. Which is why I plan to do something I've never done on here, and that's to review a Doctor Who novel, specifically- The Eight Doctors. Mind you, I'm going to re-read it, just after I finish these Dark Crystal books.

Speaking of Dark Crystal, how many of you have been watching the new prequel? I've been a bit obsessed, myself. It's captured my imagination in a way I haven't felt in years. For those of you not in the know, I was born in the far off year of 1983, just one year after "The Dark Crystal," entered theatres. However, it wasn't until around 1994 that I even became aware it existed. I remember this because the night I bought two Flintstones movie books, there was a display for "The Dark Crystal," in enticingly green Disney style VHS cases. All of these things released around 1994. I was perplexed by this Jim Henson movie that somehow went completely under my radar. I took my books home that night. The Dark Crystal would have to wait a bit longer.

One of the things I loved most about my copy of "The Flintstones: The Official Movie Book," was the pictures of the Jim Henson Creature Workshop fabricating the dinosaur puppets. Something about their ability to create something realistic while still looking like a cartoon resonated with me. I wanted so much to do that job. Since then I've always had a passion for filmmaking and movie magic. Watching "The Dark Crystal: Age of Resistance," has rekindled that childhood love I have for the Creature Workshop and character design. As per usual, this got me thinking about Doctor Who. Specifically, its costume design. So I thought I might keep it simple and talk about the costumes of each Doctor. Where better to start than at William Hartnell?

First Doctor

Style: "Edwardian Grandad"

To me, the First Doctor will always look the most like the Doctor the first time we see him in "An Unearthly Child." Topped with an Astrakhan hat and shrouded in a black cape, he cuts a mysterious figure framed by the door of the TARDIS. His costume was a team effort between Maureen Heneghan and William Hartnell who was adamant as to what he would and would not wear. The decision was to make him slightly Edwardian, as the time period would look somewhat out of place, yet not too far removed from the 1960's.

There's something delightfully camp and yet simple to the way he dresses. Nothing about his wardrobe seems out of place. Even his slightly manky fingerless gloves make sense for an old traveller twisting knobs and flicking switches on his fantastical machine. Sometimes leaning on a cane, and other times standing tall holding onto his lapels with his dark ring glinting against the light. He's an enigma and just a touch out of time.

Second Doctor

Style: "Cosmic Hobo"

When the 60's counterculture movement had started to shake up the status quo, we saw learned men like Timothy Leary and Richard Alpert abandon their stuffy collegiate positions for newfound roles as acid gurus. Much like these wild professors, we see the same thing in the Second Doctor's attire. It's as if the First Doctor partied so hard that he regenerated, and his disheveled clothes were whatever he was wearing when he woke up the next morning.

At the time, we had men like Maharishi Mahesh Yogi popularising words like "cosmic," and I believe it caught on in the Doctor Who production offices. Costumers Daphne Dare and Alexandra Tynman really brought a sort of anarchic spirit to the Doctor's attire that I believe has really carried on throughout the series. While I'm glad the stove pipe hat was annexed early on, I loved the additions of things like his giant fur coat held closed with twine. There's something so very Doctory about a man who looks like he sleeps in boxcars that can also attune his mind to build a perfect white cube. He really is far out, man.

Third Doctor

Style: "Space Dandy"

I've heard it said that there are two men that can pull off ruffles- Jimi Hendrix, and Jon Pertwee. And my god, does he ever? Primarily designed by Christine Rawlins, he was influenced by Adam Adamant's wardrobe. However, the biggest inspiration behind his crushed velvet and scarlet lined capes was colour television! Colour! Colour! Colour!

There's a lot of timeliness tied up in his garb. The increasing abundance of colour TV mixed with a post-60's desire to cut loose. This new night-time apparel was a way for gents to relax after a long day in their office suits. Leave it to the alien time traveller to completely ignore this fact and wear said nightwear in the middle of the day. Not only does the Third Doctor introduce a trend of the Doctor stealing his clothes from hospitals, he also marks the first major shift in apparel. The First and Second Doctors may have worn different ties, or trousers, but their overall look remained consistent. The Third Doctor's look adhered more to a wardrobe, or a style of dress. And boy does he have style!

Fourth Doctor

Style: "The Bohemian"

Once again, we see a continuation here of the style of the previous two Doctors. There's a bookishness, mixed with counterculture. Costume designer James Acheson, based a lot of the Fourth Doctor's look on Henri de Toulouse-Lautrec’s painting of his friend Aristide Bruant. Bruant was a man known for his wide brimmed hat and long scarf. As legend has it, Acheson commissioned a woman named Begonia Pope to knit the famous scarf. Only instead of stopping at a sensible length, this witty little knitter used every last spool of yarn she was provided.

As much as I love Tom Baker's costume in it's versatility and appropriate alienness, I am less a fan of the series 18 redesign by June Hudson, which was notoriously meddled with by John Nathan-Turner. While I rather like the new scarf, the all burgundy ensemble with question mark lapels seems to me like the first time the costume felt like a costume. That being said, there is something timeless about Tom Baker's look that even carries on into its various redesigns such as in "The Talons of Weng-Chiang," or "The Horror of Fang Rock." So much so, that even today if I go out in my Thirteenth Doctor cosplay, you always get some joker saying "Hey, where's your scarf?"

Fifth Doctor

Style: "Beige Cricketer Dad"

Before I had ever watched the Fifth Doctor's episodes, I used to look at his costume and contemplate what kind of guy would dress like that. The cricketer uniform with that red piped coat, and those garish pinstripe pyjamas over white trainers is a definite statement, but what is up with that celery? You can imagine my further confusion when I discovered Davison's portrayal was slightly more subdued and less eccentric. It made him almost the weirdest Doctor in that such a normal seeming guy would dress like his five year old picked out his clothes.

Hell, even the celery is there for a pretty mundane reason. It changes purple in the presence of certain poisonous gases. Very practical. They didn't even illustrate this purpose, we were told about it in his last episode! And you know how I feel about "show, don't tell." Regardless, I can't help but kind of love this outfit, question marks and all. I don't know if it's because I'm a fan and we grow to love this show, warts and all, but there's a reason it's on my list of costumes to cosplay. It's unmistakably the Fifth Doctor, even if it doesn't really make much sense.

Sixth Doctor

Style: "Hot Alien Mess"

Out of all of the Doctor Who costumes, I don't think a single one has been more notorious than this one. Unlike the Fifth Doctor's costume which piqued my curiosity, my initial thoughts upon seeing the Sixth Doctor's costume was "Well that was a mistake." And I wasn't wrong, it definitely was too much. Though in many ways, it also marries so well with the rest of his tenure. John Nathan-Turner's goal was to have a completely tasteless costume to match his tasteless vision for the show. He gave poor Pat Godfrey the thankless task of bringing this monstrosity to the screen.

Though, like I said, you do get used to it, as it does fit Colin Baker's irascible narcissist. I totally believe that an alien might find something like that fashionable. Even his little cat badges on his lapels inspire something I think is essential to his character. He's a big loud tomcat yowling until people stop what they're doing and recognise his brilliance. This is another one of those "I can't help but want to cosplay it," outfits. I especially like his tropical look in "The Two Doctors." It would have been nice to see more this variation in his run, such as the original black design or even the blue one we got in other media. Sigh.

Seventh Doctor

Style: "Tweedy Eccentric"

Remember how I mentioned in previous articles that the Seventh Doctor era was a series of course corrections? This is a definite one of those. We're back to something a lot more subtle, like the First or Fourth Doctor's eccentric professor vibes. But my god, those question marks just won't die! You ever have one of those friends who just can't help themselves? You can give them good advice, but at the end of the day, they're still going to do things their way? That's JNT with these goddamn question marks.

I really love the Seventh Doctor's era as I feel like the show was on the up and up. The writing was getting back on track, and Ace and Seven's chemistry was brilliant. So when you look at the Doctor's jumper, it's a kind of visible evidence of JNT being dragged kicking and screaming into this new era. Yet, funnily, when we see the Eighth Doctor movie, the Seventh Doctor's new waistcoat seems somehow less exciting. There's a certain playfulness sacrificed for realism. Perhaps JNT was onto something with his campy vision.

Eighth Doctor

Style: "Anne Rice Vampire Boyfriend"

It's going to be hard for me to view this costume without rose-tinted glasses. The Eighth Doctor is my first Doctor, so his costume will always have a place in my heart as one of the greats. But which costume? Well, of course I mean the first one from the TV movie, but my god has the man had some costume changes! Be it book, comic, or audio, the man has changed his clothes. My favourite being the unjustly maligned "Dark Eyes," variant, as I had always wondered why the Doctor never wore jeans.

Marking the second time the Doctor stole his wardrobe from a hospital, his original costume, designed by Jori Woodman, seems geared toward evoking a more classic look. A little Hartnell, a little Pertwee. For the most part it works, but I could see the argument some have made that it is a bit "costumey." In its defence, it is a costume. By the time we see McGann again in "The Night of the Doctor," we get a more subdued version of the movie look, befitting the modern series. Gotta love a man who can pull off a neckerchief.

War Doctor

Style: "Metrosexual Post-Apocalyptic"

Sadly, there's not a lot of information on the War Doctor's ensemble. But I believe you can learn a lot simply by looking at it. It's design by Howard Burden (who also did the Eighth Doctor redesign), is meant to be a sort of dark in-between of the Eighth and Ninth Doctors. Which makes a lot of sense, really. His costume looks like the clothing of a man at war. Utilitarian in it's form an function, it looks designed for durability and versatility.

I've often felt the War Doctor would not look out of place in the Fallout universe. He still wears the bandolier of a woman he couldn't save in a previous life. So much of his costume is meant to tell a visual story of a Mad Max-style road warrior. Funny then that the man still has the time to form the perfect faux-hawk coiffure and manscaped goatee with just the right amount of neckbeard. It's more of that visual storytelling I love so much- the Doctor may be a man lost at war, but he's still a bit of a narcissist. Brilliant.

Ninth Doctor

Style: "Navvy Bloke"

Christopher Eccleston has been in the news a lot these last few days due to the release of his new book "I Love the Bones of You." We've learned so much about his time as the Doctor that talking about the look of his character has become a bit of a tough subject. A lot of the man's look is now intrinsically tied in his body dysmorphia, which was at its worst when in the role as the Doctor.

I say it's "tough," in that I do want to talk about how he looked like no other Doctor Who came before him. His northern bloke look and sound almost dared the audience to reevaluate the Doctor they thought they knew. His costume is almost a non-costume. Black leather on black trousers with an assortment of dark coloured v-neck jumpers were a far cry from the question marks and long scarves of the Doctors before. Yet despite all of these differences, he quickly dispelled any doubts many longtime viewers had. He was the perfect Doctor to breathe new life into the show. These last few days have shown us just how lucky we are to still have such a man with us.

Tenth Doctor

Style: "Hipster Geek"

People often times call Matt Smith's Doctor a hipster. But who's the one wearing horn rimmed glasses and Chuck Taylors with a form fitting suit? You want to talk about first impressions from a photograph, my first thought was "hipster geek." And I love him for it. David Tennant's Doctor is such a charismatic goofball, that it's hard not to love him. And I honestly can't think of a better costume for him. I will say however that I think this one falls under that "costumey," look I've mentioned before. There's something very Scooby-Doo about a guy who owns two of the same suit in reverse colour.

I also love the simple fact that he's wearing actual Chuck Taylors. I'm surprised more Doctors haven't. Even with the logos on the sides whited out, you can spot the real McCoy (or Tennant) a mile away. Top all of this off with that marvellous coat of his, and you've got a real super hero look. Just picture it- his coat blowing in the breeze as it clings to his matchstick frame, his hair and eyes trembling with Time Lord fury. He's iconic as hell and it's no wonder he's caught the hearts and minds of so many fans.

Eleventh Doctor

Style: "Young Old Man"

I absolutely love Matt Smith's Doctor, especially his early look with the tweed and floppy hair. Ray Holm really came out swinging with this costume as it bred countless one-liners about his bow-ties and love for a good fez. If you've ever seen pictures of other Eleventh Doctor costume concepts, you'd realise what a stroke of genius that bowtie really was. He just doesn't look like the Doctor without it. I believe it was Smith himself who suggested the bowtie.

I would not say I am as onboard with the later purple suit the Doctor wore with Clara. It just lacked the subtlety of the tweed. And that top hat looked especially out of place, which is funny when you consider how good the black top hat looked on him in "Let's Kill Hitler." While I would not say the purple ensemble was a total failure, it's got nothing on his original look. Which, if you'll recall, was also stolen from a hospital.

Twelfth Doctor

Style: "Punk Magician"

Peter Capaldi is the first Doctor I ever had to wait to see the costume reveal. I had gotten into Doctor Who around the tail end of Matt Smith's first series. I remember my first reaction to Howard Burden's costume being something like "Huh." I didn't really love it. Perhaps it was the mixture of it being new, and not having already been established as the Doctor's clothes, but I was slow to come around to it. Capaldi's inspiration behind the costume was David Bowie's "Thin White Duke," persona, which is a telling bit of inspiration considering what a dark point it was in Bowie's life.

For me, the Twelfth Doctor's look truly comes together over time. I think it's somehow tied to his hair. The wilder it got, the more I liked his look. I absolutely love the hoodies and the First Doctor inspired trousers. There's something so perfect about a black jumper bespeckled with holes allowing the white shirt beneath to shine through like stars. The cosmic hobo is back in a punk rock fashion. There's something very lived in about the Twelfth Doctor's style that really resonates with me. He may be the eldest Doctor of the modern series (unless you count John Hurt), but there is something undeniably youthful about him

Thirteenth Doctor

Style: "Godspell Casual"

Jodie's costume was another one of those "Huh," moments for me. It was such a departure from anything before it, bar maybe the Ninth Doctor's jumpers. However, it only took me a few days to get used to, as compared to multiple episodes with Capaldi. A female Doctor was something I had pondered over for such a long time, that I had some expectations as to what she should and shouldn't be wearing. I definitely wanted her in sensible footwear and no floofy skirts. I wanted her like an adventurer. Think Rachel Weisz in "The Mummy." So when she showed up with a pair of high water trousers and comfortable boots, I was pretty happy. It was her t-shirt I was most taken aback by. It seemed a little more casual than I expected, but when you consider she's been a bloke her entire life, having no nonsense clothes is very much the Doctor.

It's not hard to imagine why this was the second Doctor I've cosplayed (the other being Four). There's lots of symbolism tied into the coat that Ray Holm and Whittaker devised together, and I love that they put that much thought into it. At this point it's still early days in her character. Aside from a blink and you miss it scarf or a red shirt, we've not seen a whole lot of wardrobe variation. Rumour has it she'll be donning a pair of black trousers is series 12, which I'm all for. I'd also love to see her wear some grey checked trousers like Hartnell and Troughton. Or even a black and white version of her current look. There's so much versatility possible in her costume. I hope they explore a bit of it.

And that's it for now, friends. I hope you enjoyed this article. I tried to put a little bit of research into it. While I was writing it, this blog turned one year old! I can't believe I've been doing this for a whole year! It's such a wonderful sight to see when you all like the posts and share them. Knowing I've resonated with someone like yourselves feels a little less lonely. Expect to see a Sixth Doctor review corresponding with his blu-ray (I missed the Third Doctor Blu-ray/Pertwee 100th birthday). I'm also planning on covering "The Edge of Time," VR game if they ever decide to release it! Oh and I might start covering the Dark Crystal as well, because I really love that show. I hope you are having a great weekend!

[dndgamergirl]

Dungeon Master Xmas Rant

Just when I thought the holidays could not get any worse they did today. as many of you guys know I run a Dungeons & Dragons Discord with my friends. We've rarely take new people into the group because of the fact that we would like to get to know the person before we allow them to play a game. We also have what we call the trial period.  This is when a player who is new and it's not certain they want to join our group comes in and sits in on game for a couple of weeks. This allows the player to do a lot of things that most would never think to give a player who is new to D&D a chance to do. One of the things that we use it is to be able to allow a player who is new to our group an insight into the world they get to learn the characters and the world itself as well as the rules that the world abides by. Being the fact of most of my worlds are Homebrew this means that the players also get the idea of which rules from the books we use as well as some of the house rules. Now this is to say that we do have some major standards this means that a lot of our games that are adult oriented do have an age limit. At which you are allowed to participate in. This means that some games are strictly for those who are 21 years of age and up or even to the point of, ‘all right will allow the eight-year-old to come in and play but after this point know that the next game they might not be able to because that's when we have to go to the section that is way above their age level.’ So why am I telling you this? I'm telling you guys this because we just had another issue with a player. On second thought no we didn't have a issue we had a lot of issues. For me as a dungeon master I have to control the world that the players are running around in. This means I have to go over everyone's character sheet and background I also have to go over there backstory. When a player is having trouble with their back story I usually go ahead and help him figure out exactly where they need to fill in the places. I also help them figure out what they don't need their back story because it could cause trouble with the world schematics or even break the campaign because you're basically making a character that is too overpowered. Example of this can be found in a different rant that may or may not have already been published already. But on to the issues that we had with this player. Issue number one was the fact that whenever we got into the game the player was always very standoffish with their character. As a dungeon master I enjoy a little bit of angst and it's always fun to see kind of the bad boy character or the Emo character but then there's a point of taking it to the degree of your really just making it hard for anyone to interact with your character and move the story along. An example of this can be found in one game that a lot of my players are having a lot of fun with. The world that I have them running in is a mix of Supernatural meets American Pie meets Animal House mixed in with a little bit of Scooby-Doo. It's all based in the 1970s world that is just coming off of the hippie era and slowly going into the disco scene. The players all play college kids that are in a fraternity and are basically trying to stop one of the greatest on speakable evils known to mankind. They do have a little bit of leeway with the fact of the person who is basically the head guy to talk to you with campus security is their sponsor for their frat house and at the same time they also have the added advantage of certain characters are still running around that can help them. One of which is an NPC that I placed in that is kind of the Minotaur version of Tommy Chong from Cheech and Chong. And at the same time just for the heck of it I threw in a version of Jay and Silent Bob where Jay is a satyr Warlock and Silent Bob is a dwarf Paladin. I usually try to put in a lot of Pop Culture references and it makes everybody laugh a lot. Well this player decided that they wanted to go ahead and mess things up. And when I mean mess things up I mean unfortunately this player did some very ridiculous things. He wanted to be a werecat but they also wanted to be a Druid now whenever were talking about certain things I usually go ahead and I'm pretty lenient with my players. I gave them the ability to understandably turn into a half-and-half form of an animal as well as the ability to turn into the Natural Animal itself but they would not be able to talk much like wild shape for a druid. Only it would work longer and it would only work on the type of where creature they were. Being a generous DM I gave them this thinking that they wouldn't abused it as much as they did. And when I mean abused I mean they abused it. The character was constantly in the form of a cat not even a big cat a house cat. It got very annoying and unfortunately it got to the point where the player itself didn't want to go ahead and interact with anybody other than the fact of well this conversation.

Dm: “Okay wait they were here?”

Player:  “Yeah you didn't notice.”

Dm: “No you didnt say you followed.”

Player: “Um yeah i did i was there the whole time.”

Dm: “Where then where in the room?”

They made it to where I unfortunately as a dungeon master I could never tell when the cat was in the room and it started to get very annoying to where I told them they had to make it known that they were there. At the same time they were also not happy unless all the spotlight was on them for certain s***. Whenever characters started to do any form of romance with a different character a NPC or even another player character they would kind of get uppity and  try to get the attention all on them again. This was getting annoying and unfortunately I was unable to have a lot of contact with them because they were constantly working. The last game we had was the day before Christmas Eve and I asked him if they were coming to game and they said no I'm not feeling well. Being the kind of person that I am I left it at that and I decided that I would be talking to them about the issues that we were having another day. Not just for my end but from the players and as well because the players were getting upset that the character did not really try to help the group whenever things would happen. The character was always centered on themselves they didn't do anything to help any of the other players whenever a battle came they only protected who themselves. And in this game unfortunately the one that I'm running you have to protect not only yourself but you also have to watch out for your friend who's standing right next to you a lot more than yourself. Because once that line is broken that's it game over the party will be at a major risk of a total party kill. So what do I do Christmas Eve was the next day and I decided that I would go ahead and wait until Friday. Since Christmas this year falls on Wednesday, I figured that it would be all right to go ahead and give him 3 days before I called them since I would be working with my service dog on Thursday. On Friday I had planned to call them and  that was that or so I thought. Christmas comes and I go to my family's house I'm normally not one to deal with one side of my family and they usually make me pretty uncomfortable. So I was already in a kind of mood and all I was thinking was present time is almost here and after we have presents we pick up the food and then we all go home. This means I only have 1 hour and 45 minutes left of Christmas. That is when I get a contact on my Discord server. Only it's not the main server its individual message. I had time so I decided to go ahead and take a look I figured it was one of my friends on Discord sending me a Merry Christmas card or picture. However it wasn't it was the problem player who told me that they were going to leave the game. They told me that the reason they were going to be leaving the game was because they weren't having as much fun as they had in the beginning. A lot of my games do have a good bit of combat but I also balance at all with a good bit of dialogue and at the same time I also tried to balance it off with a bit of puzzle work that the players have to do. This player was more of a combat player and at the same time was also the kind of person that if there wasn't any combat going on every 10 seconds they would basically get bored. For a D&D game to work you have to have a complete balanced and at the same time you have to rotate the importance of each player in an entire rotation. One session segment might be about one player and then the next one another player so you have to take it all in turn it's a complete Carousel Ride. As soon as one player has had the spotlight on them for long enough you then have to move to the other players in the queue. The bad part is that this hit at a point where I was not in a good mood and at the same time it only made it worse. For me Christmas has always been a time where I have really bad seasonal depression and at the same time where I don't feel like I belong. So upon me getting this notification and i was at christmas you know i wa not happy. And the bad part is that broke the goliths back. For the week before this i found out the player had also during the week expressed his issues to the players stating that he didn't want to talk to me about it because he felt like I wouldn't listen to him. When all the players know that I do listen to them and that I encouraged them constantly to come to me if they ever have any questions or any concerns. So I did the only thing I could which was go ahead and allow him to know that okay fine you can leave thanks for letting me know. But also a tip for other Gamers out there as well as this one if you're going to go ahead and say you're leaving a game or leaving a table. Maybe you shouldn't do that on a holiday because you don't know what that person is going through Master might have a bad connection with a certain holiday not just Christmas but possibly Easter or some other holiday. Maybe it holds bad memories for them and they're trying to not have bad memories happen on that day. Today I was trying to make a few good memories with my family but unfortunately this message made it to where I couldn't have that it completely ruined my day. And unfortunately I had a really bad time a Christmas this year. When I expected to get a merry Christmas I got a sorry but your game is too boring and I'm going to disrupt what little bit of happiness you're trying to have just to make you feel like dirt. As such the gamer has now been removed from our server and now we're looking for somebody to replace him. It's also gotten me to the point where I'm now debating going ahead and making an entire panel for an up-and-coming convention that I'm going to about dungeon master rants things that make the dungeon master story keeper and Storyteller angry. Maybe this will be a good platform for other dungeon Master's to come forward about their own issues that they've had with their groups or players and possibly allow other dungeon Master's to give them an idea as to how to handle this. Problem players are always an issue and unfortunately it can be even more of an issue when they decide to go ahead and ruin your holidays.