#I wrote this from the perspective of an outsider to these posts and as someone who also experiences a good deal of bigotry

[rosalind-hawkins]

What Do I Ship?

Don't mistake this for a tolerance or tier list. I will read and write ships that aren't even on this list, or write ships from the secondary list sometimes, this is just to give you a general sense of the stuff I mainly support/think about and in what capacity. Might be updated periodically. Ranting and comments in the tags.

Re: the Mokuba ships, I only ship them in non-problematic ways, where either the Kaiba brothers are ageswapped, making Mokuba the same age as the rest of the main cast, or where they only get together far post-canon where Mokuba's an adult. We cool? Cool.

Primary Ships

(things I can/want to create content for; this does not include every ship I've ever written, just the ones I care about/are currently engaged in writing/plan to write multiple fics for, or ships I just stan in a way that I know it'll never end)

Euroshipping (Kaiba x Ryou)

Puppyshipping (Joey x Kaiba)

Mumbleshipping (Kaiba x Ryou x Duke)

Teaseshipping (Joey x Ryou x Kaiba)

Snareshipping (Joey x Duke)

Trustshipping (Kaiba x Ishizu)

Polarshipping (Joey x Mai)

Blueshipping (Kisara x Kaiba)

Mizushipping (Kisara x Priest Seto)

Minorshipping (Ryou x Duke)

Mastershipping (Duke x Kaiba)

Puffshipping (Joey x Ryou)

Sweetshipping (Ryou x Mokuba)

Wintershipping (Mokuba x Amane)

Rollshipping (Duke x Ryou x Joey)

Secondary Ships

(things I will read but I don't write {much, or anymore, in some cases} for one reason or other)

Wishshipping (Joey x Yugi)

Powershipping (Kaiba x Marik)

Graceshipping (Ishizu x Ryou)

Doubtshipping (Kaiba x Ryou x Marik)

Petshipping (Duke x Kaiba x Joey)

Axisshipping (Kaiba x Siegfried)

Angstshipping (Ryou x Marik)

Irateshipping (Marik x Joey)

Buddyshipping (Joey x Tristan)

Heartshipping (Yugi x Ryou)

Fragileshipping (Yami Yugi x Ryou)

Changeshipping (Duke x Marik)

Logicshipping (Priest Seto x Priestess Isis)

Gemshipping (Ryou x Thief King Bakura)

Thiefshipping (Yami Bakura x Marik)

Candleshipping (Kaiba x Ryou x Yami Bakura)

Antagoshipping (Kaiba x Yami Bakura)

Corruptshipping (Priest Seto x Thief King Bakura)

Stoicshipping (Kaiba x Priest Seto)

Shimmershipping (Duke x Mokuba)

Guardshipping (Kaiba x Roland)

Senetshipping (Ishizu x Duke)

Angelicshipping (Ryou x Rafael)

Mercuryshipping (Kisara x Kaiba x Ishizu)

Entrepreneurshipping (Duke x Kaiba x Siegfried)

Unnamed (Aigami x Marik x Yami Bakura)

Scholarshipping (Kaiba x Ishizu x Ryou)

There's also plenty of random unnamed poly ships that I want to play around with in one-shots, usually a combo of my top six fave characters.

[artificial-ascension]

Sometimes I see personal accounts of racism, antisemitism, ableism, fatphobia and other such social injustices which I do not experience and get so fucking mad hearing about how other people have been treated, but it's like, there's not really a point in going "Grrr that was so awful of them. That's so terrible I, a random white/skinny/able-bodied/goy, am really angry on your behalf"

Cause I mean... one, I'm certain no one cares, and it's just kinda virtue signaling at that point, and two, I don't think people afflicted by any sort of bigotry complaining about their experience need anyone to be mad on their behalf. I don't really think that's the point of sharing those experiences, just to make people who don't have them be mad for them, so much as it is venting and/or a learning experience where the takeaway is not "I'm so mad I'm gonna daydream about beating up the Bad Person who said that" but rather "There are people who experience things I do not and also experience certain things worse than I could imagine. Here are the material realities of another person's life." And furthermore, deciding to take that information and fight for, or at the very least support and uplift people who have been affected in such ways is infinitely better than yelling about how you think that's just terrible and showing off your weird savior complex in a random Tumblr users notes.

Tl dr: I think bigotry is bad and the fact that other people get treated so badly makes me angry. I just don't think that's productive to be saying every 20 minutes because being nice to people is an infinitely better use of time and energy than being mean even if someone really deserves it.

[weirdmageddon]

i was thinking about this since i posted earlier about us needing to address the trend of gen z men being pulled into alt-right pipelines might have contributed to the outcome of this election.

i think contrapoints is really smart, and from what i’ve seen, has been way more effective at getting people out of harmful ideological pipelines than i’ve seen from the majority of leftists online who instead berate and drive a greater wedge of antipathy (though i understand why! and it can be very hard to have empathy for the people who see you as a threat). that antipathy makes the right more radicalized because they don’t feel like they can talk about anything without the “crazy lefties” who won’t even engage with them. where did these issues come from?

what i’ve noticed, and i’m even guilty of this, is that people don’t interact with groups of people whom they refuse talk to, which makes realities more hypothetical in the minds of their opponent since they aren’t open to seeing reality from their perspective. this is true on both sides. from what i’ve observed, it seems to originate from hypothetical perception of the opponent, but when people treat those perceptions as though they are real, it becomes real with their actions, which then makes the antipathy justified to someone. again, on both sides.

what makes contrapoints so successful at breaking this down is that is that she creates these socratic dialogue skits that represent real people and ideologies, has a sense of humor, isn’t afraid to discuss these things, reframes how we see these things by introducing nuance to both sides. she’s a leftist, but she also knows how to engage without ripening division, of meeting someone halfway and being completely humble about it. she is able to soften extremes.

she is able to get into the mind of people who aren’t aligned with her views, understand the nuance and rationales from a realistic perspective, breaking down a big block of “this is all bad” into “ok, some of this makes sense…”, what this does is create a space for self-reflection that doesn’t feel ham-fisted (which could otherwise cause people to double down on their beliefs instead of opening up to other perspectives outside of their bubble). while also being entertaining and well-produced on top of it.

what she is doing is creating these scenarios and socratic discussions that SHOULD be happening in real life but aren’t in this polarized social climate.

i graduated from new college of florida this spring, the small liberal arts college that was in headlines across the country for ron desantis’s board of trustees hostile takeover and exodus of professors.

new students and student athletes from conservative walks of life were being basically incentivized to go there who were taught to fear the lgbt boogeyman growing up in their conservative communities. but once they actually interacted with lgbt students there, many of them they felt like they understood them, and they weren’t as bad as they were told they would be. new college of florida was also famous for getting derek black (child of the man who created stormfront, and godchild of the kkk grand wizard david duke) out of white nationalism. their peers at NCF called them out but also interacted with them, invited them to dinner. black wrote a book about it.

now of course some people are too far gone and you shouldn’t waste your time with them, like derek’s family for example. but i also think a lot of people who voted for trump are not informed, are operating off of emotion and knee-jerk mentality because it’s easier than thinking, and they are not seeing the discussions that need to be had to change their mind because fuckin…nobody is doing them.

and we feel this visceral disgust to people of the opposing party because of its associations. i just want to know how it happened and how we got to be like this. i think social media is partly to blame and also the algorithms that take people down dangerous pipelines and sharpen them, insulate them.

i myself understand the vitriol you might have for anyone that voted for trump. i feel so disappointed that half the people of this country voted against our collective benefit. and i’ve seen a lot of sentiment from the left today saying “every single person who voted for trump is dead to me. i disowned you”.

you can see the reality of trump’s demagoguery, and it’s so obvious, but what i want to know is: what do they see? why did they vote for him? emotion and entertainment travel faster and have more reach than reason. and it’s that’s why i think contrapoints’s videos are exemplary at tackling this ideological divide. this is something i’ve been thinking about for months before today and i thought now was a better time than ever to give my two cents on it.

[tryslora]

On Writing Combat and Sex Scenes

Today I want to talk about writing sex and combat (and no, I do not mean combative sex). This post is inspired by a few recent events:

Once, a long time ago, I read a blog post that said “if you can write a combat scene, you can write a sex scene” and that was mind-blowing for me because while I was well-versed in writing erotica, I couldn’t write combat to save my life.

More recently, at Boskone, I participated on a panel about writing combat, and the research involved there-in.

Even more recently, I had someone look at me say, “You’re not a gay guy. How do you write gay sex scenes?”

So. Let’s begin.

I get it—sex and combat aren’t interchangeable. But at their core, they have some strong similarities which can be leveraged while writing. Both are intense, high drama, and can involve a lot of anxiety and quick thought. Both tend to narrow focus down to the moment and the current feeling and action. Both are heightened emotion and physical reaction. Both can involve actions that lie outside the author’s personal experience.

I started writing erotica when I was a freshman in college. I posted it online (does anyone remember rec.arts.erotica?) and was surprised (and pleased) by the compliments I received. Turned out my readers were not expecting the idea of emotion being entangled in their erotica. They were invested emotionally in how the stories went, and how my characters felt. Since I was writing from the point of view that made sense to me at the time, they were het stories from a female perspective, and they were very focused on the emotional connections and how the physical events heightened those emotions.

Male readers were surprised by the intensity of the feelings that these stories gave them (as opposed to pure arousal). It got me thinking about how I wrote, and why I wrote, and I tried to talk about it some at the time. I was eighteen. I was still a new writer. The internet itself was new. I wasn’t entirely certain how to frame it, but I remember getting one comment where a guy was surprised at how struck he’d been by the moment in the scene where everything shuddered to a halt due to an event in the story that interrupted the action, and I replied that that was because I wasn’t writing about the sex. I was writing about the character’s reaction to the sex.

Which has always been how I write. At the time, that was my only tool: put myself in the character’s mind, and write what they feel. If that’s affection and attraction and physical reaction, write that. Tangle it up, and hope the reader feels that entanglement.

Now, fast forward several years, and take a little side trip onto a tangent wherein I learned something very important about writing craft.

I was reading Syne Mitchell’s End in Fire, I think it was, and I kept having panic attacks. Now, I did most of my reading late, often when I woke in the middle of the night due to stress, or just because my brain refused to rest. I was in a rough place in life in general, with a lot of external work stuff going on and very small children. I wasn’t sleeping well. And it took me some time to figure out why I was struggling to read a book which I actually loved (and when I read it later in life, I enjoyed it greatly).

It was the sentence structure.

In order to induce the emotion of the scene, the sentences were short. Sharp. Quick. There was no time for the reader to breathe, much like there was no time for the heroine to do anything but act. The reader was caught up in the rising tension, to the point where my anxious, sleep-deprived brain, caught a panic attack from it.

The technique was brilliant.

Now back to our original timeline, wherein I read a post about how if you can write combat, you can write sex scenes. This post assumed that more people felt comfortable writing violence than sex. I was the reverse. I’d been writing about sex for over a decade when I saw this post, and it made a light bulb go off in my brain.

If writing sex was like writing combat… was the reverse also true? Could I improve my skills at writing battles by analyzing what worked when I wrote erotica?

So I tried doing just that. Back then, I found combat overwhelming. There was so much going on, and I was trying so hard to write good description that I lost all of the intensity. I was focusing on everything that was going on at the same time.

Thinking about how sex scenes were all intense emotion and narrowed focus, I applied that to my combat scenes. I wrote only what the point of view character experienced, and tied everything to their actions and reactions. I thought about how they breathed, how they moved, how they thought. I used those short, sharp sentences as they processed the scene. 

That doesn’t mean I forgot about everything else going on in the scene. That’s impossible. After all, in any story the things the character doesn’t pay attention to might be as important as the things they do focus on. Stuff still happens, and there is still fallout. I needed to know what else was happening so that if the character moved from one place to another, or did something that put them in the path of a different part of the action, I could have them start processing it.

But it also meant that on the page, out of sight was out of mind. Everything narrowed down to the now. The immediacy. Suddenly my combat scenes snapped into focus.

During the panel at Boskone, all of the panelists had experience with different fighting styles (fencing, street combat, and of course, me with taekwondo). I spoke about how for me, that narrow focus is very real when I spar. I know there are some people who naturally see a move or two ahead while fighting; I don’t. I am stuck in act and react mode. Can I kick them now? Can I attempt a head shot? Oh, no, circle back and away or they’re going to hit me… that’s how my brain works during a sparring match.

It’s not like a total blackout—there should be a vague awareness of things around the character. Sounds in particular, or sometimes flashes of movement. Something distracting can catch the attention of the fighter, but the personal fight will always pull the character back.

Combat feels easy when I’m writing like that.

Of course, there’s still the question of writing about something if I’ve never experienced it. As someone did point out to me: I am not a gay man, so how does that affect writing sex scenes? I’ve also never fought with a sword. Brawled. Fought from horseback. I have, however, held a blade, shot a gun, shot an arrow, rode a horse. I have a vague idea of how these things work, much like I have a working knowledge of sex in general.

So yes, research gets involved. Sometimes research is observational, sometimes it’s reading (there’s so much good stuff out there). I highly recommend video for combat scenes—find things that have the feel that you’re going for, then put yourself in the place of the character you want to write about. Practice. Work through the ideas of how things fit together, and what your character will (and will not!) know during the fight.

If you need to, stand up and block the scene by thinking about how you would experience it. What can you see, and what is out of sight? If someone is coming at you with a blade, what are your options? How do height differences affect you? Yes, I have asked friends and husband to help me block scenes. 

“Stand right there and show me what it looks like if you punch me. Okay, so if I do this then…” Yeah. It’s a thing. But it works.

When doing your research, remember that movie fighting (and hell, movie sex scenes) isn’t realistic. It’s meant to look good. For combat, if you can find re-enactments, or sparring videos, I highly recommend taking a look at those. 

Anyway, the point is: I don’t have to have shot someone, and I don’t have to have had gay sex in order to write about them. What I do need to know is how it feels emotionally to do those things, and I can extrapolate that from what I do know. I need to know enough about the details so I can get it right, and that’s where research will help me. Also, use language to create emotion. Because emotions are where we grab the reader, and how we pull them into the scene.

Combat and sex aren’t so different when it comes to writing, and the personal experience. Now, go forth and write!

[matryosika]

Recording Sessions

Pairing — 3racha and Reader

Wordcount — 3,485 words

Genre — Smut

Warnings — Dom!Chan and Changbin, Switch(sub lean)!Jisung, consensual voice recording. Dirty talk, use of petnames (slut), mild humiliation, oral sex (m. receiving), brief spanking, unprotected penetrative sex, creampie, mild cum play, sex in a recording booth.

Autor's note — Wrote this a while ago for a commission, but as I was lurking through my google drive I found this again. I think its fun and I've been meaning to post something for a while now, but I can't get anything done sadly. I think I wrote this back in may or june? I am not too sure, but I hope you like it! I've been writing for NCT these days and I have 2 wips for them. I'm also working on something with Lee Know as a character. I hope I can get any of that finished soon! Hope you enjoy this, and I apologize for any grammar/spelling mistakes in advance 🤍

“Do any of you even know what a real moan sounds like?”

The look on their faces is amusing. Hadn't you been inside the recording booth, you're sure Changbin would have already headlocked you in a playful manner for running your mouth. 

But you are inside the recording booth, the three of them sitting in the studio with frustration written all over their faces.

“This sounds so fake,” you continue, taking off the headset. “What did you type in youtube to get this sample? Women moaning ASMR?”

“You’re not being helpful at all, you know that?” Changbin asks, trying to keep a serious demeanor but failing almost miserably every time he remembers the audio samples that are currently as background vocals in their upcoming song. They do sound awful, but he isn't as straight-forward as you are.

“Well, you asked for my opinion and I’m giving it to you,” the smug look on your face pisses off Chan just a little, but it is nothing new —the endless bickering between the both of you has happened ever since you two met. It's always light-hearted and friendly, but it surely does bring some tension into your friendship with him.

“Any ideas on how we can improve this?” 

“For once, get rid of all the fake moaning and get something that actually sounds like a woman being pleasured,” you instruct them, and smile when you see the three of them paying attention to your words. They have such abilities when it comes to music and producing, but they often look for constructive criticism outside their small group of three just to see things from different perspectives. “We don’t sound like that, it’s more like gasping for air and deep sighs accompanied with mostly quiet moans. This sounds like someone shouting exaggeratedly”.

“I’ve tried,” Chan murmurs, leaning back on his studio chair that he spins slightly. “But nothing sounds right. It’s a bit too much, maybe”.

“No, I do think the song calls for background sounds like these,” you encourage the trio. “It’s just- you need something more raw and real”.

There’s a quick moment of silence in which the four of you exchange glances, without exactly saying anything in particular.

Changbin and Chan look too deep into their own thoughts, probably trying to come up with another idea or alternative for that sound sample you all hate so much. Jisung, on the other hand, is staring right into you through the glass barrier that separates you from them, with an idea in mind he’s not quite sure how to deliver, but that he ends up doing it anyway. 

“What if we record you?” Jisung asks, drawing the scowling glances of the other two. “I mean, you can obviously fake them since you're a woman, right?” 

The suggestion has you cackling quietly, but even Chan and Changbin are considering it —you can tell by how they're looking at you as if they're expecting your verdict.

“Right,” you scoff, crossing both of your arms in front of your chest, “because what better way to spend my Saturday afternoon than faking moans inside a recording booth”. 

“It’s not going to take you long,” It’s Chan who speaks this time. The one you thought was going to be the least to be on board with such a crazy idea. “We all know this isn’t going to be the first time you fake them”. 

Your mouth opens in awe and you curse them mentally when they all laugh under their breaths. It was just one time, with a guy you didn’t even like, and you told them about it because you wanted to get the embarrassing memory out of your system. You were too bored, and desperate to go, that you ended up faking a series of moans that tricked him into thinking you were finished. 

“Very funny, Christopher,” you spit, resentful. “I thought you promised not to bring that shit up, ever again”.

“And I thought you promised you’d help us,” Chan attacks, “so what is it going to be?”

You look at them for a couple of seconds, pondering the situation. You can help them, you really have nothing better to do —yet a better idea comes to mind. 

“Why faking it if you can have the real deal?” you ask, nibbling at the skin against your fingernails. You’re trying to appear collected, but even suggesting such a crazy idea it’s making you feel uneasy. Unless you've gotten the signals wrong, you know they won't turn down such a proposal. “You’re all just sitting there, when one of you could help me”.

It’s Jisung who leans down over the console, clicking a red button to open the microphone.

“What exactly are you proposing?”

“Well, you were the one who pinned this on me, Han,” judging by their facial expressions, you know they understood exactly what you meant. They just want to make sure you are all on the same page. “Why don’t you come here and help me, so we can get this over with?”

“Why him?” Changbin immediately asks, offended even because you didn't consider him as your first option.

“Do you want to help me too?” you chuckle, “because I wouldn’t mind if you joined”.

“Han,” Chan’s cold voice interrupts the silence, catching the attention of the younger. He doesn’t say anything else, but rather signals for him to get inside the recording booth with a tilt of his head.

Jisung doesn’t say anything either, but his eyes flutter between you and Chan, almost begging for further instructions. He hesitates, perplexed. Not because he doesn’t want this, but because he really can’t begin to comprehend this is really happening.

“If you don’t want to, Changbin can do it,” the older speaks again.

“N-no, I mean- I can do it,” Jisung stands up from his studio chair abruptly and hastily, like he is in a rush. To be honest, he kind of is —he has been daydreaming of this moment ever since he met you, so he isn't going to waste it. Even if that means there are going to be other people watching or involved. “I just- what do I do?”

Chan and Changbin scoff quietly, teasing him. “You should ask her that question,” the former replies, crossing both of his arms and leaning back on his chair, “not us”.

“Yeah, okay”. 

Jisung walks inside the booth, swallowing thickly. Is he really about to do this? Is he dreaming? Or is this some sort of a sick joke?

He can’t help but overthink the situation, but every single one of his thoughts goes away when you welcome him into your embrace, holding him tightly against your body with his half-hard cock pressing against your lower abdomen and your tits against his toned chest. The other two are watching, and that only riles him up a lot more.

“Have you ever been this shy?” You tease him, wrapping your arms around his neck and brushing your lips against his. “You’re always so cocky, always running your mouth. But right now you aren’t. I wonder why”. 

“We don’t have that much time,” Chan warns you through the speakers, and you can feel the despair in his voice. Like Changbin, he’s anticipating something and you’re edging them, just like you are to Jisung. 

“Then I’m going to need more help,” you hum, latching your fingers against Jisung’s dark hair while pulling him closer to the crook of your neck. He loses no time and starts kissing and licking the sensitive flesh, hiding his face there. You, on the other hand, look through the glass barrier proudly to the other two who are out. “From the both of you”. 

“One isn’t enough for you? Do you need the three of us?” Chan asks, poking his cheek with his tongue. Changbin, on the other hand, observes the scene in awe, with both excitement and impatience. You don't reply, but shoot an accomplice glance at the older. “I always knew you were some of a slut, I just didn’t think this much”.

“Well, now you know,” you smile, biting your lower lip when Jisung sucks on a sensitive spot a bit too harshly, “so start recording”. 

The following moments are blurry, perhaps because of how nervous you are. You try to act in control, like you're the one calling the shots. But when you feel the three of them near you, with their hands all over you, it's hard to. 

“You’re not that bold now, are you?” Chan whispers in your ear, pressing your arse against his crotch. To your sides, there’s Jisung and Changbin, who grope and kiss your body as much as the other allows them to.

“I’m doing this for you,” you sigh, kicking your head back until it meets Chan’s shoulder. 

“Right,” he scoffs, grabbing a fistful of your hair and forcing you to kneel in front of Changbin and Jisung. “We just wanted your advice, but somehow we ended up like this”.

“I wonder why,” you tease him looking up to him while your hands tease the men in front of you.

“I’m sure it has nothing to do with the fact that she’s such a filthy slut,” Changbin murmurs, caressing your hair back. 

You can feel them through their sweatpants —you can feel how hard and ready they are for you, how desperate they are for your touch. You wish to take your sweet time with them, to suck the three of until they come in your mouth only to fuck you afterwards. 

You want more than just a quick fuck. But this will have to do for now.

“Suck them off,” Chan orders, pleased with the sight of you on your knees. 

Good thing you’re wearing such accessible clothes today —you’re making his job ten times easier.

“Get us nice and wet, baby,” Changbin proceeds, pulling your head against his crotch while he lowers his sweatpants just enough to release his throbbing cock. “We’re going to fuck you with it, so it’s up to you how easy you’re going to make this for yourself”.

“Don’t forget Jisung too,” the one behind you murmurs into your ear, practically kneeling right beside you while he pulls up your dress, revealing a shameful piece of clothing that he can barely name as underwear. The sight makes Chan’s cock throb even harder. “See how much he’s leaking? I know he has been dreaming of this for a while now”. 

“Fucker,” Jisung hisses through gritted teeth, feeling betrayed by his friend. Truth is, he isn’t telling any lies.

“Aw, you have?” He has been infatuated with you for quite some time now, and he is too awkward to be discreet about it. You have caught him checking you out shamelessly, and it has always been a turn on for you. 

“We all have,” Changbin says, nibbling at his lower lip when you wrap your hand around his cock. You squeeze both of them hard, staring up at them with a mischievous smile. “If only you knew what we talk about when you’re not around”. 

“Mh, I feel a little excluded now,” you pout. “Why don’t you guys just show me?”

You spent another ten minutes on your knees, being throat fucked by your dearest friends Changbin and Jisung. They take turns in burying their cocks inside your warm mouth, using your hair as leverage to let you know which one of them to suck next.

In the meantime, Chan just watches. 

You’re drooling all over yourself by now, your shirt ruined with a mixture of spit, precum and sweat. Your skin feels sticky, your mouth feels full and your pussy feels wet —you really wouldn’t be surprised if the floor was stained with your arousal.

“C’me here,” Chan tells you, grabbing you by your arm and helping you get in a different position. Your knees are bruised and red, but you don’t really care —tomorrow it will be a fun reminder of what happened today. “Now let’s really start recording”. 

You lay on the floor on all fours, with your ass up and your hands and knees supporting your body weight. It's an uncomfortable position, but you can only do much in a recording booth with no bed or couches.

The first one to take a spot right behind you is Changbin. Out of the three, it’s the one who seems more desperate to get his release and you kind of understand him —you’re desperate to feel something too, anything.

“I don’t have-” his voice is strangled, almost panicking. You can feel his hands gripping your hips, and the tip of his cock brushing against your slit. 

“I don’t care,” you encourage him, whimpering when Chan forces your head to face his throbbing dick that he has his fist wrapped around. “Just fuck me”.

It’s the heat of the moment that's getting the best out of you, but you can’t begin to regret it when you feel Changbin’s cock burying itself little by little inside your aching pussy. You try to hold back your moans, worrying that someone outside the hall might hear you, but you know it’s practically impossible.

Plus, that’s the reason why you’re there, anyways.

 So you start enjoying the moment, being as vocal as possible. If anything, the lewd sounds escaping through your lips are only pushing Changbin towards the edge, hips snapping at yours roughly enough to get a series of strained moans immersed in both pleasure and pain.

“You sound so g-good,” Changbin grunts, biting his lower lip to stop himself from being too loud. “Had I known your moans were this pretty, I've would've fucked you before”.

“Fuck, Changbin”. The way his name falls from your lips boosts his ego, and he’s glad everything is being recorded. He makes a mental note to go back to the recording later today, just in case he needs to unwind.

“Jisung will fuck you after him,” Chan demands your attention yet again, brushing the tip of his cock against your lips. He’s kneeling in front of you while Changbin is pounding your pussy from behind. Jisung, on the other hand, is stroking himself while he witnesses the scene; too shy to actually make a move himself, like the rest of them. “And then I will go next, how does that sound?”

“How many seconds- of the sample do you even need?” you chuckle, but the laugh is soon muffled by another whimper caused by Changbin’s ministrations. 

“Just a couple,” he replies, smearing his precum along your lips. “But I’m sure you wouldn’t want to leave this studio without being fucked by Jisung and me, right?”

You love his cockiness, and how he is always almost right. So you nod frantically, clenching around Changbin at the idea of being filled with the both of them in just a couple of seconds.

It doesn’t take him long to come inside you, especially not with how much your pussy is clenching around him. He does so shamelessly, grunting your name and gripping your hips too harshly you’re sure it will leave a mark tomorrow.

When he pulls out, commanded by Jisung who is too desperate to wait another second, you feel his sticky arousal leaking out of you. It’s a weird sensation, and it makes you feel dirty, but you can’t deny you like it. 

And you like it even more when you feel the tip of Jisung’s cock gathering all of his friend’s cum, fucking it back into you little by little, making sure it doesn’t go to waste.

“Who would’ve thought, hm?” You whimper, feeling a bit sore from Changbin’s aggressive care. “You’re not as innocent as I thought, Jisungie”.

He doesn’t say anything, but gives you a sharp thrust in response. One that makes your whole body jolt and tremble, one that earns you one of the prettiest moans the three of them have ever heard.

Chan is sure the recording is good to be used by now, but he doesn’t want to stop just yet. Or at least not until he also gets his fun.

“S-so tight,” Jisung murmurs, holding you more delicately than Changbin did. You love the contrast, though, and they’re both a good fuck. “And warm, all filled up with cum”.

“You’re going to fill me up too, Jisungie?” On any other occasion, the nickname would’ve earned you a killer gaze and a couple of curses from him. But right now, Jisung doesn’t mind. In fact, he likes it. There’s something enticing about you acting like the one in control.

“Can- I?” He asks with a shakily breath. His sloppy movements tell you he is close, and you take it as a compliment. A minute is definitely a record, but you’re really not mad about it. 

“That depends,” you tease him, crying out loud when his cock starts hitting sensitive spots inside your walls. “Are you going to come a lot for me?” 

“Ngh, y-yes,” Jisung whimpers. “Please, I’m- close, just let- say yes, please”.

“Go on,” you order him, arching your ass even more for him. “Give it to me”. 

Not even a couple of seconds later, you feel a now familiar sensation warming up your lower tummy, leaking through your pussy and onto your thighs. 

“Shit,” Changbin scoffs, checking the scene out. “You made a fucking mess”. 

You want to look at what he did, know how much he came for you, but Chan reinforces your initial position yet again by arching your ass even more.

“Be a good slut for me,” he tells you, landing a sharp spank on one of your ass cheeks. The sudden action makes you cry out in pain, but you don’t hate the sensation completely. “And I’ll be good to you”.

You’re not quite sure what he means, and you don’t get time to ask before he’s bottoming out inside of you. 

“Fuck!” you moan, suddenly losing the strength on your arms and your upper body threatening to plop down onto the floor. “C-chan!”

“C’me here,” he groans, sneaking a hand underneath your tummy looking for your clit. Again, the position isn’t the best but he somehow makes it work. And when you feel his digits rubbing your nerves just at the same pace of his thrusts, you start clenching around him even harder.

“Oh my g-god,” that stimulation is exactly what you need to come undone. Jisung and Changbin did a hell of a job getting you closer to your orgasm, but this is exactly what you needed to reach your climax.

And a well deserved one.

“Come,” Chan grunts through gritted teeth, biting his lower lip while furrowing his eyebrows. The sight of your ass bouncing against his cock is enough to get him to come, but he needs you to come first. “I’ll come with you”.

“Ngh- Chan,” and just like some magic words, you’re coming right after his order. He can feel you tightening around him, trying to milk his cock just as badly as you did with the other two. And he can’t resist that feeling, so he sticks up to his word and comes inside you almost at the same time. 

“Such- a good- little fucking slut,” his words are strained and painful. But his voice only contributes more to your own orgasm, just like the feeling of his cum filling you up. 

It takes the two of you a few moments to actually stop —even after coming, he kept on fucking you slowly until he made sure to fuck all of their cum inside of you. The last thing he wanted was to make a mess inside the recording booth, but it was inevitable. 

The floor is stained with all sorts of fluids, ones that are dripping out of your swollen pussy and others that no one knows how they got there. 

“Jisung,” Chan sighs, caressing your hips while fixing his clothes. “Stay with her, I’ll go get something to clean her up. Make sure she’s alright, and take her to the sofa in the studio, ‘kay?”

Jisung nods, attentive, and he helps you get up off the floor with ease. He wraps his arm around you, and fixes the top part of your dress to which you mutter a quick and soft thank you. 

“Changbin’s going to get you something to eat or drink, and I’ll take care of this. Alright?” 

You nod, still supporting your whole weight on Jisung. Your sore legs can only do much.

“He’s going to be with you in the meantime, but we will all be right back,” Chan’s soft gaze is the opposite to what he showed inside the recording booth, but you absolutely adore the contrast. 

“Yeah, ‘s okay,” you smile. 

“You did good, yeah?” Chan smiles, caressing your hair, “sounded so pretty for us”.

You offer them a weak, yet satisfied smile, “my pleasure”. 

[spiderfreedom]

I honestly owe detrans people, and especially detrans women, so much, because reading about their experiences has taught me a lot about... well, everything? About myself and my own trauma re: femaleness, autism. About the factors that lead people to transition. About resilience and moving forward and making a life for yourself in a world where there's no space for you.

Some of my favorite writings from detrans people:

somenuancepls (Michelle Alava, active on substack) has multiple great posts, especially on resilience and growth for detrans people. I recommend "Actually I was just crazy the whole time" (on the mindset that leads medical transition to be viewed as a panacea), "We Shouldn't Have to Be Here" (on how detrans people are expected to act as martyrs) and "Let's Talk About How We Talk About Detransition" (on how to ethically and compassionately talk about transition and detransition without harming (de)/transitioners).

destroyyourbinder (no longer active) has so many amazing posts that I really can't list them all, but "Unriddling the Sphinx: Autism and the Magnetism of Gender Transition" was genuinely revelatory for me as a gender non-conforming autistic woman. (It also kinda sent me spiraling for a few days so if you are also an autistic gnc, read with caution)

funkypsyche has been writing a lot about 'woke' culture in a way I don't agree with, but "The Archetypal FTM Sensitive, Quirky, Artistic Weird Girls" (on the type of people attracted to transmasc identification and the ways society fails them - do you see also see yourself in this list?) is a good read. As a supplement, there is "The History of Tumblr: Gender and Woke Indoctrination, Video Essay", and if you can get through the parts about, well, 'woke indoctrination', it provides a perspective on tumblr and its relationship to mental illness and gender. You do not realize how much mental illness is normalized and glorified on tumblr until you see someone explaining it from the outside and you go "huh, I did not realize that happens and that I do that, too..."

Max Robinson wrote "Detransition: Beyond, Before, and After", the only academic text on detransition to my knowledge. An in depth view on factors influencing transition such as lesbophobia, and the relationship between gender dysphoria and body dysmorphia and how the latter is treated as frivolous and vain while the former is treated as profound and serious.

And there are a lot of tweets I've collected I can't really link here, there are many detransitioners on Twitter. I really do recommend reading a broad variety of detransitioned people, detrans women and men. Even read people who retrans like CrashChaosChats, who once wrote on detransition but then retransitioned after finding that she was unable to deal with dysphoria. If you actually care about dysphoric people, trans people, and detrans people, you need to read broadly to understand the full range of reasons people transition or detransition or retransition.

Feel free to reblog with your additions of writings by detrans people, or people you follow on Twitter or other social media if they don't have long-form content.

[rikisradirarara]

・❥・ Hair Problems pt 2! A Ni-Ki & reader fanfic— maybe having you interrupt his nap with a silly request wasn't such a bad thing ・❥・

a/n: Took me way too long to not just finish, but to edit, and re-edit, and finally be okay with it. I was going through it y'all. I thought it was the worst thing I had ever written. But after so long I'm happy I am FINALLY posting something- so, hooray!

warnings: None! Maybe a bit of angst? and the perspectives change a bit, like I said I was going through it when I finished writing it (aka when I wrote most of it) so sorry gang.

word count: 444

➼ "Ni-ki, I need you to stay still!!"

From inside the dorm bathroom a yelp can be heard making everyone in its radius let out small chuckles and giggles.

"Nu-uh- that water is freezing cold!"

Like a frightened cat, the boy is seen scrunching himself up in the corner of the small bathroom.

Touching the water from the faucet again makes you let out a frustrated sigh, "The water is warm, I promise." A pout forms on the boys face. 

The youngest drags his way to sit on the towel covered floor to lean his head against the cold sides of the tub.

With the handheld shower head you start to slowly soak the entirety of the boys hair with the filtered water. The warmth of the water creeps up- or really down- Ni-kis neck. He screams a bit at the water that runs down his back, slowly soaking into his once dry shirt. 

"Oopsies," is the only apology he hears from you. Splashing you lightly with water he hears your giggles as you wipe the water from your face with the bottom of your shirt.

Settling back down, the boy questions how long it's been since someone has done something so domestic and personal for him.

"You can't already be falling asleep," He hears the teasing tone in your voice. He didn't notice when his eyes started closing.

The giggles and mumbles one can overhear standing right outside the door, an impression telling of the soft smiles and gentle touches that were shared behind it.

The soft sound of the faucet being replaced by small screeches of fear only to come back to the quiet water.

This cycle repeating, but instead of screams it's gentle but heartfelt words being exchanged, quickly being drowned out by the sound of the shower.

Once the faucet is no longer heard it is soon replaced by the sound of a hairdryer and even more soft giggles being shared between the two still cooped up in the bathroom.

Can you imagine them?

The shorter in the freshly dried arms of the taller. The boy on the chair looking up to the person on his lap with bright but heavy eyes. In company of a smile that one dreams to be the cause of.

Once they finally leave the small bathroom, the ending is always the same. 

The two subjects of my story sharing a peaceful and perfect slumber in each other arms.

I hope you can see it too. The two of them fast asleep under the warm cover of the taller bed.

We can leave it at that.

Why continue to mess with something when it isn't broken.

・❥・. . . ・❥・

[aqours]

"Aqua has an Oedipus complex-" first of all beyond the fact the only way you could possibly think this is you never read or watched OnK at all and just read a synopsis and didn't bother to verify if it was accurate or not- this is actually the weakest way you could possibly interpret the nature of the feelings Goro/Aqua had regarding Ai. like, even ignoring the fact that Aqua has such an extreme lack of an Oedipus complex to the point he actively refused to breastfeed from Ai because it would have been creepy and inappropriate to him, everything about Aqua's feelings regarding Ai if anything read as parental quite frankly

Gorou Amamiya became Ai's fan because of Sarina. Because Sarina was somebody important to Gorou that he comforted in her last days, he became a huge fan of Ai in order to carry on Sarina's wishes and to keep supporting her and became a genuine diehard idol fan in the process. Then, he met Ai while pregnant: and had a heart-to-heart conversation with her. And came to the conclusion that Ai was somebody he wanted to support in any capacity. He could have been like Ryousuke and actually become possessive of her and feel like she betrayed him: he did not. He was a medical professional that put aside his own feelings as "a fan" to support her both as a doctor and as a fan in his own way by wishing for her sincere happiness as opposed to an image sold to fans.

He wanted to see her grow up happy and healthy. If Ryousuke had not killed him and there was no murder plot at all? The plot of this story probably would have been about him moving to Tokyo after talking to Ai's manager saying that someone needs to be their family doctor while keeping their secret and him taking the roll. The series would have been about Gorou as the Hoshino family doctor and how he supports them as a member of the sidelines who gives support in his own way.

Aqua never really refers to Ai as his mother much outside of situations when it'd be weirder if he didn't. It's very explicit he does not have a romantic or sexual attraction to Ai in this new life: he already didn't, but now it's like, Negatively So Actually. No longer able to support her as a doctor he even took an acting gig JUST to help further and bolster Ai's career. It's beaten into your face with the subtlety of a dozen hammers to your face his only desire is to watch Ai grow up safe and happily and succesful.

Aqua's/Gorou's relationship with Ai was someone who wanted to see her grow up to be happy. And after some waste of life incel murdered her? To want to make sure that was avenged. Because he was someone older than Ai who valued her and wanted her happiness above everything else in the world, and views the person who is responsible for that as someone who's life is forfeit. Because Ai was a good person who didn't deserve her fate and as someone who only ever wanted to support her, wants to make sure that her memory can rest in peace completely.

If anything, the feelings Aqua/Gorou had towards Ai are parental in nature. So much about his motivations read like a father who wants to avenge his daughter's murder, to kill the man that denied her the happiness the child deserved.

"OnK is soooooooo gross the mc has an Oedipus complex and is a p*do-" not only is this a reading you can only get from a five second sypnosis read and being determined to hate OnK for brownie points, it's not even the right fucked up dead dove way that you could describe their relationship.

EDIT: I feel the need to address this, as it's talked in reblogs and some notes! I never expected this to get notes, and I mostly wrote this in one go. Please understand I wrote this post from the perspective of purely writing Aqua's feelings for Ai purely from a familial perspective. The reality is that Aqua's feelings are complicated and can be read in many different ways: from familial, to that of a lover, to someone who puts Ai on a pedestal as the ultimate Idol and the ideal of what a "true" fan would be: someone who loves their Idol for who she is as opposed to a toxic image. I don't fully 100% agree with this post anymore, but if I had to chose only one familial way for Aqua to view Ai I would probably still default to "vengeful father who wants to avenge his daughter's death." BUT Aqua's feelings are ultra complicated and are on an entire spectrum ranging from "wholesome" to "outright disturbing," so please don't take my words as like a single sure-fire way to interpret him! ty all <3

[ktempestbradford]

Lactation Influencers... Are Y'all Okay?

I dislike clickbait headlines as much as the next Gen Xer, but that does not make me immune to them. Thus, when I saw this headline...

Cookbook author speaks out following controversy over lactation cookies ad

...I had so many questions that demanded answers. I had to click.

Friends, I was not prepared for the journey I was about to embark on.

Before I even got to the first line of the article, this assaulted my eyes:

Whatever I was expecting, it wasn't that.

From the article:

Molly Baz is speaking out following controversy over a Times Square billboard featuring the pregnant cookbook author promoting lactation cookies. ... Brex, the company that sponsored Swehl's billboard, told ABC News the ad was removed following a message from Clear Channel, which owns the digital billboard. According to Brex, Clear Channel said the image depicted was "flagged for review."

Okay, but... lactation cookies?

According to Baz, the concept was meant to "empower" pregnant women and the cookies in the ad are marketed to help postpartum moms produce nutrient-dense breast milk.

*looks it up*

Y'all. They're called "BIG TITTY COOKIES"

I'll give you a minute to breathe through it.

Eye-rolling aside, this isn't the worst product I've ever heard of and, hey, maybe the cookies are good.

So why did Clear Channel want the ad gone? The answer to that isn't straightforward for a couple of reasons.

They did not remove the ad or even ask it to be removed from their billboard.

Molly Baz decided to use this opportunity tragedy to raise her profile as a lactation influencer the alarm about how men are misogynist (????).

"It's super disheartening and infuriating to me that my, kind of, first public foray into being a public mother was one that was deemed inappropriate," Baz said. Said Baz, "From my perspective, the imagery that we put together was no different from any of the other ads that are in Times Square." "[T]ake one look at the landscape of other billboards in times square and i think you'll see the irony. bring on the lingerie so long as it satiates the male gaze," Baz wrote...

I feel I can confidently say that I'm not being sex negative when I retort: MA'AM, what?

"There's a bit of a history of, I will say, a double standard that when bodies, specifically breasts are shown when it comes to selling lingerie, let's say, that's more acceptable but when it's something having to do with prenatal wellness or postnatal care, nursing, that tends to get flagged and we see a little bit of backlash," [Zoe Ruderman, a chief content officer for Adweek], added.

I know this is true in general, but in this case, is that what's really going on? After all, Clear Channel didn't even take the ad down permanently, and the marketing company provided an alternate ad without even being asked. One has to wonder if this is a manufactured controversy.

I say that even though I know full well that there is a double standard when it comes to women's bodies and whose gaze is being catered to and when it comes to lactating mothers, lactation, and women's health. That said, there's no way this image wasn't chosen for its Male Gaze Worthiness.

It's not the amount of exposed flesh, which isn't any worse than any lingerie or bikini ad. It is that this woman is holding cookies up to her breasts next to text that says "Just add milk" and the name of a website/company that is probably well-known to people who are or want to be pregnant and little known outside of that. If I were in Times Square, looked up, and saw that? I'd assume it's an ad for a sex fetish bakery.

In all honesty, the thing I assumed was controversial (before clicking) was that someone had posted an ad for cookies made using human breast milk. That would have made somewhat more sense as a controversy.

There's no way everyone involved in "concepting" this campaign (yes, they used concept as a verb in their official statement) didn't know this was a possible reaction or outcome. They appear to have expected it. Which is why they immediately had another ad to replace it and some very RAH RAH WOMEN! Down with the Patriarchy! social media posts likely on deck. That's real feminist of you, becky.

The disingenuousness of it all bothers me the most. Just because the social justice issue they're highlighting is real doesn't mean they are somehow champions of the cause because they dared to show a pregnant belly on a billboard. If anyone complained, I doubt their complaint was based on a prejudice against lactating mothers or that lactation was hinted at.

[eir-trixa]

Okay I have one final thought about wottg. I think I forgot one crucial factor about these books: Its in Percy’s pov. Percy is an incredibly unreliable narrator when it comes to himself.

I think were experiencing a whiplash because last we saw of him was from different perspectives in HoO.

Alright, more under the cut. Might have spoilers for WOTTG ❗️

Okay first of all, this is not a retraction of my earlier critiques. I stand by all of them. Just check my prev post(s) about it, I wrote a lot because I was frustrated a lot by the dumb!Percy perception. Anyway. This is me, trying to find a possible reason why Im so pissed.

The difference between HoO and the new books is visible, largely because of the change of POV. Were back in Percy’s pov and yes, Rick probably forgot how to write him without including his girlfriend after every other thought. But also, were back to oblivious!Percy’s narration.

Like I said Percy’s incredibly perceptive and empathic to every other people and beings that is not himself. This guy still does not get why Annabeth likes him, he thinks everyone thinks he’s dumb, it takes a while for him to notice if someone is interested in him, he doesnt think he’s powerful at all, he thinks he’s a loser in all fronts, hell he thinks he deserves to die sometimes. Thats just how he is, he’s self deprecating even in the og PJO.

Which is a stark, stARK contrast to EVERYONE ELSE’S perspective of him in Heroes of Olympus:

Exhibit A: His entrance in Camp Jupiter wherein Hazel actually thought he’s a god in disguise. Then he created whirlpools that destroyed the gorgons and terrified the everloving shit from the Romans. Then he just proceeds to be this regular, lost, anguished guy in his own perspective while Hazel and Frank are literally so moved and an awe of him. Reyna and Kinzie both found him attractive at some point. He made PRAETOR in a week, most of it he wasnt even at CJ. Thats highly indicative of how people see him.

Exhibit B: Annabeth’s description of seeing him again in MoA. Im gonna get back to this later but do recall that he became taller and had put on muscle according to Annabeth herself. Strange of Rick to contradict himself SIKE

Piper called him unimpressive, which is interestingly the only instance he got called that but then again Piper was also under Hera’s heavy enchantments to have feelings for Jason so Im not gonna blame her at all.

We have more Im sure but were gonna stop there lest I never get to the point. So we basically see Percy in all other angles in HoO, and everyone respected him Until the end of BoO: When Rick had him say “lets fight stuff” in contrast to Jason’s war cry; When Reyna made that paperbag comment which I still havent forgotten nor forgiven. There was essentially no question of Percy’s importance or power until the end of Blood of Olympus.

Then. We get to the new books where Percy is once again in charge of the narration. He cant help but see himself as dumb, especially when he’s struggling to finish his senior year when his girlfriend is a shoe in to graduate. He’s insecure. He’s cut off from his new friends, that I think, is something so sad because what he, Hazel and Frank had was so special. He probably hasnt been to camp at all since the quest ended because of all the paperwork he had to do to get into a new school and start catching up so he can graduate on time. On top of that- those recommendation letters that still do not make sense at all.

Add all of that to the trauma and all the schoolworks he’s doing just to catch up, his self esteem took a hard dive and this affects the narration.

I think we got used to seeing Percy from an outside POV that we got a hard time adjusting when we got back to his little self deprecating self.

I’ll be clear: This doesnt absolve Rick’s writing from liability. How Wottg was writen was still a choice- but it leaves me this shallow hope that it can still be resolved better in the next instalment(s). I want this addressed because why does every other character get to have peace except Percy? But I digress. Thats a post for later.

So we can look at the new books and not take the descriptions of himself not too hard, because this kid is truly struggling with seeing worth in himself. We can also blame Rick, because while Im trying to defend this Im also pissed at Percy’s situation. Some characters do not add up at all.

As a final note, here Im gonna address Percy and Grover describing Percy as scrawny in wottg. Which directly contradicts everyone else’s description of him in HoO. Three ways to look in this scenario:

1. Tartarus had affected his physical well being badly.

2. This is Percy being an unreliable narrator again and Grover being a little shit at the wrong time

3. And the one Im subscribing to the most- this was influenced by Walker and Aryan’s dynamic. Again, I will die on the hill that the pjotv main trio was perfectly cast and they can do no wrong. But that dialogue was probably more appropriate coming from Aryan, not Grover. I did notice that Walker and Aryan both kind of look up to the actors they see as “ripped” (theres that one hilarious interview that they were gushing on Charlie being “jacked”- their words, while Leah was weirded out). So Grover’s comments about Percy’s physique was probably Rick trying to fit Walker and Aryan’s dynamic into their characters. Which, in my opinion, is unnecessary. Because those actors embody their characters already so well, theres no need for adjustments, no need to incorporate what Walker and Aryan are like irl into the books because they already do their jobs so well. Whatever dynamic Grover and Percy will have to portray in any future books, I have no doubt that these two can and will deliver an incredible performance so why need to incorporate in their irl personalities between Grover and Percy? Idk, Rick may be doing this subconsciously, maybe intentionally but eh, I just think theres no need. Let Grover and Percy stand as they are and Walker and Aryan (and Leah) stand as they are. The merging just makes Rick contradict himself. Percy is literally on the swim team so it doesnt quite track?

So dont take it too hard, its probably just Grover messing with him and Percy taking it harder because of his poor mental state.

Lmao its been days and Im still at the restaurant. Anyway, feel free to discuss.

[kamianya-ttv]

You’re not lazy, you’re neurodivergent:

A post on executive dysfunction, ADHD inattentiveness and hyperfocus, and whatever else occurred to me as related as I originally wrote this for twitter.

If you’re like me, you’ve probably been called lazy by people in your life. But the thing is, there’s almost no-one (if anyone) who’s actually lazy. And I promise you, if you’ve felt guilty because there are things you should be doing and can’t get them done? You are NOT lazy.

I'll get to executive dysfunction, the main focus of this thread in a moment. Because I want to start by talking about ADHD and hyperfocus.

Is it hard for you to pay attention to things you don't enjoy, but can focus for hours on things you do?

Does the world ever disappear to the point you forget to eat/drink while you're working? Can you suddenly get days worth of work done in a short amount of time, but only once it's the last minute, or when you get into the zone? But you don't necessarily have control over getting into that mode?

Hyperfocus

The reason this is related to this thread is that often this is the "proof" that you're lazy. Look, if you're interested you get things done! Look at how much you can do when you "just make yourself" or "just focus"! Clearly you just don't want to do the thing.

I can't tell you how many days I've sat there trying to get into a zone that's eluding me, losing sleep and feeling guilty, just to finally hyperfocus in the final day and pull out a miracle.

But I have ZERO ability to force it (I have tricks! but it's not the same).

Hyperfocus often gets brought up as a "you can't have ADHD, look how focus on the things you enjoy! Look what happens when you do focus!"

But actually, it's a major aspect of inattentive ADHD!

So, that's why hyperfocus matters in this convo.

Now onto Executive Dysfunction.

To start with, a quick note: Executive dysfucntion is not just an ADHD thing. It's an aspect of a lot of different neurodivergencies.

Also, this is primarily from my perspective as a person with ADHD, I'd love to hear your versions of these experiences!)

I like to describe executive dysfunction as "the start button isn't there."

Also, this isn't just for chores or boring things.

Have you ever sat there going "I want to game" but it just never happens?

I sure have!

When you have executive dysfunction, this means that starting tasks can be near impossible. You just can't get yourself to start it. Often, you may sit there staring at the document with the blinking cursor, or looking at the stove, or glancing at the full laundry basket, etc

But again, there's no start button. You just can't do the thing. Which makes it really hard when people tell you to just focus, or that you could do it if you just cared, or that you're just lazy.

Because we want to do the thing! We do!

(I mean, okay, want may be a strong word sometimes, I never WANT to do chores, but it's still not an intentional putting it off. It's more an "I need to do this thing, I know I need to, I want it to be done, but I can't get myself to do it")

Now for me, and many with ADHD, once someone points out you haven't done the thing, or when the deadline comes close, suddenly the start button appears

Which again, people use as proof you totally could have done the thing the whole time.

So clearly you were just lazy & are only doing it cause you got yelled at/prodded/nagged.

But this isn't true, there was no start button!

@adhd-alien has a PERFECT comic on this: https://twitter.com/ADHD_Alien/status/1138475368191598594

Now, we learn tricks to deal with this. Or meds may help.

For me, I find ways to enforce outside deadlines, or I'm more likely to have. a start button for something I'm doing with/for other people.

But ultimately, our brains just don't work the same.

So for someone where the start buttons are always there, who assumes everyone is the same as them, it looks like we're actively making the choice not to hit start.

So they call us lazy, unable to see us desperately trying to hit a button that's just. Not. There.

Now, add on to this all the other comorbidities that come with neurodivergency, we almost never have just one thing. Add on physical disabilities or chronic/invisible illnesses or chronic pain or fatigue.

All of these make it so much harder.

There are SO many things that affect our abilities to get things done.

For example, I had a doctor appointment four days in a row (OT, neurologist, OT, infusion). I also helped schedule an event, and did a stream.

Before MS and chronic pain that would be nothing.

I could have done SO much more, filled my days with getting things done.

Now? I'm spending today on the couch, recovering before my stream tonight.

And I have to fight so much guilt, because I feel like I should be doing more. But my body just CAN'T.

So.

Do you feel guilty, but you just can't start the thing?

Is there no start button?

Are you exhausted and your body is insisting you rest?

There are so many things that affect our ability to do things.

Brains, bodies, the world we live in.

But you're not lazy.

[thisliminalspacedaydreams]

Do not confuse Enthusiasm with Entitlement.

Hello!

I’m relatively unknown in the fanfiction world which is great, but I’ve got some friends who are known, and I’ve got things to say, from an outsider perspective.

I’m a writer, but I’m also a reader. I participate in the fandom in the way I know how, which is through writing stories.

Here’s what fandom should be. It’s a village, called Fandom, and people all interact in the village in some way. Write, Art, Ideas, Comments, Reblogs, Kudos, Podfics, Bookbinding, Etc etc etc. It’s a Smurf village, because currency doesn’t exist, and everyone does what they can for the community to thrive, for fucking free. They offer gifts, and encouragement, and once a week we all gather round in the center of the village and scream about it in a very unhealthy way. Some people are more active than others, some like to be known, some prefer to remain anonymous, some watch from the sidelines and everything is done with care and a warm heart between our teeth.

There are pockets of that, which, great.

Here’s what fandom is, sometimes.

1/People elevating others to the point of God, sometimes dragging other writers down (for no reason, no one asked to be rated as the best fic writer of all time) to make a point. What is the point? Is there one?

2/People harassing writers for more things. Write an epilogue, write another chapter, write this and that. Writers aren’t your own personal AI machine to make what you want to write. A lot is blamed on age, and perhaps there is an element to it, but I believe it’s just decency. An 18 years old kid is capable of making sensible decisions, just like a 24 years old, just like a 14 years old. Your age doesn’t give you a passe-droit to be a dick to people you admire (!!!???!)

3/I won’t even touch on the subject of hate reading because that’s just straight up insanity.

But it’s just… hate and tantrums and anger breeds more hate and tantrums and anger. There isn’t a virtuous way out of that, and I’d love for people to…just, cater to a more positive experience for everyone.

When your fingers are typing rot on your computer, you are venomizing everything that it touches: the people who will read it AND the people who will respond to it.

So far, from what I have seen, this behaviour leads to only one thing: depressed writers/artists/etc who stop writing/drawing/etc, or pull their work, or take breaks, or retreat from the limelight because it is too much.

You are pushing too much.

Enthusiasm is wonderful. It’s a powerful tool and should be used, everyone on this fandom is posting because we looked at The Thing and thought, “yeah.” No one in the history of the world (I hope) has posted after thinking “that is straight up shit and I hate it with a passion.”

Enthusiasm does need to be curated in a healthy way. I understand that Fandom is for fans, but it is also by fans. No one here is better, everyone here is different.

Some writers have a voice that resonate with more people, or stories that resonate with more people, and that is perfectly fine, but, once again for the people in the back, do not confuse Enthusiasm with Entitlement.

In what universe, in what galaxy do you believe complaining about someone’s work will make them go “oh right, nevermind all the work I put into this thing I love, let me just do the thing a random stranger is asking me to do.”

Do not confuse Enthusiasm with Entitlement.

Maybe I sound like bitch, but by god, the shit I’ve heard from my “popular” friends the past few months is absolutely mad. Mad, people.

You are normal people, and SO ARE THEY.

They have lives and interests and they are people. Treat them as such.

Do not confuse Enthusiasm with Entitlement.

Thank you for coming to my TED talk, I hope everyone enjoys Le Mange Dieu et le Dévoreur de Mondes, which we wrote and enjoyed writing, and which does not mean other writers weren't doing their own thing and writing other stuff in the meantime, and I HOPE we can all start to have some fucking respect for the people who spend hoursdaysweeksmonths pouring over a project and posting it for fucking free, all at once, so it’s not stressful for the reader. YOU.

Because against all fucking odds, we actually care about our readers. When you’re being nice.

Thank you and good day from a Fandom Elder.

[ladymirdan]

I honestly just unpinned my “I block people who bash Ward” post yesterday. Can I go one single day without a person coming in my comments and talking shit about Ward?

I love my hobby. I love the lore, I love the creators. Sure, sometimes things get retconned that makes me sad, but I get over it in a day or two.

Ward has leadwriter credit on a dozen or so codexes(and is uncredited on about just as many). But he was far from alone in creating them. Just check the credits page. The infamous 5th edition Grey Knights codex has 9?ish something writers credited. Who really knows who wrote what exactly. That is how a collaborative effort is made. A melting pot of ideas.

But after 16 years, some people still come to my page for some reason. Still mad. Trying to tell me to hate someone I dont know outside of their workand it is weird. (To be fair, he was pretty much instrumental in creating the 40k we know today so I love him for that),

Just trying to put it in perspective. I know I have a ton of fanfic writers as my mutuals.

Imagine someone finding one of your drabbles you wrote 16 years ago, and then whenever you or any other work you have made got mentioned someone popped up ad just said “XXX sucks”. And nothing you post after that will make it right. How would you feel? Its fucked up.

And that isn’t even a fair considering he wasnt a lone writer. Imagine your personal character is judged by the content of an assay you cowrote with 9 people, years and years ago that you had a limited budget and timescale on?

People complain that the codexes has gotten slimmer, that a lot of the fluff and lore is gone. But that isn’t strange when you know that the guy who was responsible to get the most out of his team has moved on to other project. Listen to literally any creator who has left workshop (or ADB for some reason who just speaks anyway 😅), talk about Ward. It is all positive things. Or watch the interview I reblogged a while ago and make your own opinion about him.

(And before people say I’m overreacting, I was overly generous today and tried to talk to commenter and this was the response. And this is why I just block without interacting. It is always the same.

[mvmnbnv]

I like your takes. I love Caitvi, but it annoys me to no end how much they project and treat Vi’s relationship with her sister as irrelevant. They honestly kinda ruined the fanbase for me. I’m tired of the constant mischaracterziation of Vi’s character. Like she’s always so off in fanfics and they try to make it seem like she doesn’t care about Jinx at all. it’s weird to see other fans of her character try to erase that part of her in fanfics because they think Jinx is coming in the way like she’s literally her family??? You want Vi to just magically forget her after not seeing her in years? That’s not realistic at all.

The sister’s relationship is the most inaccurately portrayed because of Caitvi fans and it bothers me. Like I remember reading a fic where Vi shoots Jinx dead and she didn’t even care or grieve her because she has Caitlyn. She’s basically like, “ Welp, idc that I killed my sister. She doesn’t matter because I’ve got Caitlyn now byee” ??? Like wtff. That stuff just annoys me lol

Also, I’m gonna be honest but as a fan of Vi, most people in her fanbase only talk about her relationship with Caitlyn. You don’t have to care about the sisters relationship, but I dislike other fans of Vi that disregard that part of her and watch show from the perspective of a Caitvi shipper. Like it’s nice to see those who do acknowledge because there’s very little people who do care. It just bothers me how most of her fans only see one part of her story.

Another thing is the constant gender stereotypes. Like just because Caitlyn is sheltered doesn’t mean that’s reflective on her romantic life. I see portrayals of Vi where they make her equivalent to a misogynistic fuckboi. I’ve seen fics where they make violent and have her punch Caitlyn her in the face. Also, the classism and the very gross takes on Piltover and enforcers that come from them make me uncomfortable. You give grace to the oppressors because you take criticism of Piltover as an attack on their relationship which is just so ridiculous. Like you can still love them as a couple and not be weird about Piltover.

Way too many don’t give the same energy towards Zaun. They look down on them exactly how Piltover does and act like Vi isn’t literally from there. I agree with your other post too because they always downplay Cassandra too. I get surprised if I see someone among Caitvi stans acknowledge what she’s done. It’s a weird contrast to how they view characters from Zaun. Also, I remember coming across a fic where the author wrote Caitlyn degrading her because shes’s from Zaun as a “kink” like come on…

Yeah,peoples inability to see vi as her own character outside of caitlyn can get pretty irritating. And the classism and mischaracterization of vi?? Woof...and the complete disregard of jinx and vis relationship as if they aren't the heart of thr story is wild too lol. Like it's always been about them. Let's be real

[horizon-verizon]

What do you think of George referring to Aegon and Helaena as "King Aegon" and "Queen Helaena" and Rhaenyra by her name in the new (now deleted) blog?

(Webpage Link)

And I said this in the comments of this post, but repeating myself: he's writing in the mood and "perspective" of the KLers who resented Rhaenyra and loved Helaena for the "sweetness" they felt Rhaenyra no longer had. I also wrote another independent post abt what sort of love the smallfolk had for Helaena HERE, which is very important for anyone to read BEFORE reading this post bc I'm not going to repeat myself. You also should probably read THIS POST that goes into how the Shepherd characterizes Helaena vs Rhaenyra.

A) The Actual Comments I Wrote:

[*EDIT: 9/8/24*] Adding/correcting, I was describing the free indirect style:

This is a literary style that allows the narrator’s voice to share with us the words, thoughts or feelings of the characters, without telling us that this is what they are doing. This means that the character’s thoughts or words slip into the third-person narrative, subtly shifting the perspective from that of the narrator to that of the character. It’s almost as though the narrator is the character for a moment, but they’re not – they’re still the narrator. Importantly, the speech or thought is not attributed to the character (for example with a ‘she thought’ or ‘he imagined’), so the reader must pick up on clues in the text to understand that these are the thoughts of the character, not the narrator.

[*END OF EDIT*]

And in response to what GRRM said that started this whole debate after someone else asked:

B) Jaehaerys, Rego Draz, and the Taxes/Executions (for context and comparison b/t smallfolk's reactions to taxes and executions):

I don't deny that the smallfolk loved her and GRRM was being sympathetic for Helaena when he wrote that post.

I am saying that:

He was writing, in that post, sympathetically bc Helaena was so from the smallfolk and Rhaenyra was reviled both here and at large by the narrative bc she was simply the more active party while being female; Helaena never actually ruled, she was always a consort and her person was more the accessory of Aegon or as a representation of "goodness", esp when the Shepherd contrasts Helaena's "purity" to Rhaenyra's "whorish" "evil", which further encourages the peasants to riot as they are already rioting

the smallfolk's sort of love for Helanea was not the sort that comes from just appreciating the person as is but as a contrast to the person they came to despise. And from that phenomenon, the smallfolk revealed another interesting phenomenon of how the actual people, the subjects themselves, can switch between diff "definitions" of queenship. Not kingship, QUEENSHIP, precisely bc gender, ethnicity, etc. did/does affect how the public will see a ruler's actions' effects on them.

The Shepherd and Helaena v Rhaenyra ("Rhaenyra Overthrown"):

When Jaehaerys strung up Rego Draz's murderers (Rhaenyra strung up those she had executed), it was during a time of "peacetime"/no war even as it was also a time of widespread fatal illness; he had no outside enemies who could invade at the same time, bc his mother and stepfather took care of that in a sorta-similar situation when he himself was still underage ("The Long Reign-Jaehaerys and Alysanne-Policy, Progeny, and Pain"):

Rego Draz, like Celtigar but much smarter about it, still also put taxes on common KLers after he and Jaehaerys did on luxury items (nobles) out of necessity. But the smallfolk of KL still took issue with Rego and not Jaehaerys both bc of said taxes AND bc Rego was a Essosi foreigner.

So yes, Jaehaerys did have to deal with a dying and ill populace and used an actually consummate master of coin...but those taxes still angered smallfolk enough towards violence & rape & looting ("The Long Reign - Jaehaerys and Alysanne - Policy, Progeny, and Pain"):

bc they were being taxed already through a gate tax BEFORE the Shivers came ("Birth, Death, and Betrayal Under Jaehaerys I"):

Were Rhaenyra's taxes very heavy, yes. Did she have much other option during a war where food was scarce and an invasion could happen at any moment AND the greens depleted the treasury she sought to quickly fill, no. Were there rumors PLUS the Shepherd's anti dragon, anti "bad" woman preachings incentivizing already resentful and starving people to riot against the woman ruling over them who they previously loved [evidence in the next section], yes. Did Jaehaerys really go through a similar situation, even with the Shivers being so terrible, no, bc he had more than Rego Draz, he had his own mother and stepfather basically pave the rulership-way for him before he came of age to become king for him and Rego to be able to implement the taxes as well as they did. The same Alyssa and Rogar who the KLers also took issue with for the taxes they made on them when they were trying to rebuild the Dragonpit ("A Surfeit of Rulers"):

Yes, Jaehaerys-Rego fixed this situation & learned from it--once again, neither ALyssa-Rogar-Edwell nor Jaehaerys-Rego had to contend with an ACTIVE war and a TOTALLY DEPLETED treasury nor the PREJUDICE AND HIGHER EXPECTATIONS against a female ruler. So....

C) Use of the Book to Show What I Mean abt GRRM's Use of the Smallfolk's Perspective and the Timeline/Transition of such b/t Before The Fall of King's Landing and After It

Before the Fall of King's Landing, & the taxes the KLers loved Rhaenyra as the "Realm's Delight" and such a moniker in the book connoted an image of pleasantness:

("Rhaenyra Triumphant")

("A Question of Succession")

("A Question of Succession")

("A Son for a Son")

("A Son for a Son")

Refer back to the very first pic/quote I give in this section. The moment Rhaenyra showed herself to be...not so "sweet" by the taxes during a time of fear of invasions/retaliations from the greens and their dragons, starvation, etc. bc...war (which she did bc the greens looted the royal treasury BEFORE she even landed & took KL but the smallfolk didn't know about that nor would they ever come to), and the previous image of her being charming, lovely, and innocently beautiful, innocently childlike transformed into her innate cruelty.

So yes, they resented Rhaenyra and many would not have wanted her as their Queen not just bc of taxes but bc the taxes were compounded by the...disillusionment(?) of that image/character of her through said taxation. thus the lack of "Queen" for Rhaenyra and "Queen" for Helaena and "Prince" for Maelor, both people who have no power, were very vulnerable to the actions of those around them, and nearly childlike or was an actual child whether in reality or in their imagination. At least under the greens--who Helaena is inevitably connected to--they weren't being taxed and Helaena has no real power herself to ever had affected the smallfolk's life so strongly.

This is what I think is being expressed through GRRM's writing in that particular blog post.

As for reactions to Aegon's coronation, we have Munkun saying the smallfolk were "most[ly] confused" by the announcement of Aegon's coronation and saying (some) Rhaenyra's name instead VS Munkun saying that there were many cheers when the actual coronation happened ("The Blacks and the Greens"):

[toastofthetrashfire]

Framing in DFF: Voyeurism and Sex

Okay I kept thinking about this conversation between @brifrischu and @lurkingshan over the last few days. They both make great points about how the show is using the sex scenes to convey conflict, themes, and genre expectations (or the subversion of these). Since I did a whole post thinking about visual framing and the camera's gaze, I wanted to compare how each of the sex scenes is drawing on different forms of voyeurism to convey ideas to the audience, and even draw us in and interrogate our reactions as viewers.

Before we jump into analyzing scenes, I wanted to establish a few levels of visual gaze/voyeurism.

The typical gaze of the camera. Here there's no obvious signals or framing of voyeurism apart from the natural voyeurism inherent in filming and watching any piece of visual media.

We know a character is being watched but we don't see the watcher doing this. Perhaps a character expresses feeling watched or thinks they saw something. At this level we may stay in the perspective of the character being watched or an outside perspective where the watcher remains off screen.

The gaze is mediated in a way that evokes watching. For example, through a camera, a window, or the first-person viewpoint of the killer (common in horror). The voyeurism becomes more obvious and experiential. We're implicated more explicitly in the gaze but not necessarily in a way that forces the audience to reflect on this fact.

We see someone else gazing in a mediated way. Hannah Bonner puts it best in a chapter she wrote about Cabin in the Woods and other films with surveillance: "The voyeur is no longer just the audience, squirming in their seats from Michael Meyers's point of view as he tracks down his naked sister and her boyfriend in Halloween...now the audience as voyeur watches the voyeurs watch the surveyed" (90). This gets meta on the viewer.

I'd argue that each sex scene manipulates these levels of voyeurism in ways that play with genre expectations, and in ways that play with and challenge our reactions as viewers to different kinds of sex.

Tee and White

The scene with Tee and White begins with us looking through the open door. We actually start with just Tee. White moves in from off screen and joins him as if the porch is a stage. So we start at a mild version of voyeurism level 3--our view is mediated in a way that evokes watching through the open door. It's not as obvious as other forms of mediation like windows (which we'll discuss later for Phi and Jin) but it's still getting us into that territory.

This quickly changes to more open shots on the porch. These are unmediated so we move into level 1 territory for a short bit as the two begin making out. That is until White sees a flash of Masky. There we enter level 2 as we see this from White's perspective. And of course, he then expresses the feeling of being watched explicitly.

The hand comes in to grope Tee, and I'd argue this lies between levels 1 and 2. We as the audience see the hand and certainly that implies a degree of being watched by whoever or whatever is getting handsy. But we neither see from their perspective nor see them watching per se.

In true slasher fashion however, we get the implication that the horny couple is being watched. In a straight 90s slasher, this would be the indication that at least one member of the promiscuous couple is about to die (and often they're the first to die in the film). The slasher film thus allows the watcher a titillating glimpse of sex or at the very least a woman undressing, while also punishing this promiscuity. It's quite common to have such scenes play out either from the killer's perspective (level 3) or at least with it implied they are watching (level 2).

So in a typical slasher, the fact that White feels watched and we see the hand would be the signal that one or both of these two will die soon after.

But as others have pointed out, this doesn't happen. We're pretty much told as much by the way the story skirts this genre convention narratively. But I'd also argue they subvert it visually.

When the two actually get down to the actual sex part, we cut to the two in the shower, largely blurred by the glass. Now, we could perhaps argue that this is a mediated gaze. But I'd argue that a) filming sex scenes in showers is so common that it doesn't necessarily feel like it evokes watching quite in that way and b) the gaze is intentionally limited and denied through blurring effects. Yes this is likely in part because Fuaiz was under 18 while filming. However, it also moves us into level 1 territory. This feels intentional in the way that it pushes back on the visual tropes of the slasher genre in a very deliberate way. It is not meant to be solely titillating, and it also drops any visual queues that might suggest they are being targeted, effectively detaching sex and sexuality from being inherently tied to death and the murderous gaze.

We get the threat but it is quickly dissipated. We get a similar move a few scenes later, where for Tee and White, outside voyeurism is explicitly denied. When the group is looking at the security footage they flip over to video of Tee and White on the porch. We move into a level 3 (we see the footage on the screen) and implied level 4 (the group watching said footage), but only for a fraction of a moment. Tee steps in to block the gaze of both the group and the audience. The threat of being viewed is once again blocked and diffused as me move back to level 1.

This denial and push back on higher levels of voyeurism stands in contrast to how Non and Keng are filmed. So on the one hand, Tee and White's scenes navigate and subvert the voyeuristic tropes of the slasher. On the other hand, they raise thematic concerns about surveillance. And not just surveillance but who gets surveilled and why.

Phi and Jin

Phi and Jin have had two sex scenes so it's interesting to compare them visually. In episode 1, we start off and remain primarily in level 1 voyeurism territory, with one exception. There is a moment as Jin is giving Phi head where we shift perspective. We move inside the house and view them for a few moments through a dew stained window. Like Tee and White there is some blurring happening, but much less pronounced. However, unlike the shower glass or the open door, the window much more clearly evokes watching, moving us into level 3 in the middle of Jin and Phi's first sexual scene.

In the second scene, we begin almost immediately at level 3 with a mediated gaze. It's unclear if this is a closet, wall fixture, or window, but we're viewing the scene through it as if we are hiding and watching. Throughout the scene we also get an unsteady almost shaky camera effect that fits this level. Of course, we then get the much more obvious moment where Phi pushes Jin against the window and we move to view them from outside. Finally we have the dog/astronaut doll who watches over the encounter. Since it's an inanimate object it doesn't actually move us into level 4 here but there is an allusion here to being watched at that level all the same.

All of this is clearly an intentional choice. As @lurkingshan points out Phi and Jin are filmed so explicitly in part to highlight their betrayal of Non. The scene clearly plays on Phi's emotional betrayal of Non and New (at least from their perspective) as that is what the episode is building to. But it also strongly dialogues with Jin's own guilt through it's framing. Jin who harmed Non through voyeurism has that gaze placed on himself.

It's interesting because this is the scene shot most consistently from level 3, what we would expect from a slasher scene. But it isn't the killer that is watching or hanging over them, but rather their own mixed up feelings of guilt. It's an interesting subversion of the role this level of voyeurism can play within horror. It feels particularly queer as well. Tee and White's sex which is narratively placed in the role of our first victims, is subverted and visually moves down to level 1. While the late in the game sex between Jin and Phi visually plays out like Tee and White's should have if this followed the slasher mold. Sexuality is decoupled from voyeuristic and narrative tropes that would link it to judgement and death. Instead it becomes a "window" into the characters' inner struggles and interpersonal dynamics.

While not as meta as Non and Keng's scene (which we'll get to soon), the framing here offers a subversion of the typical ways we tie sex into our judgements of morality and of other people/characters.

Non and Phi

Non and Phi's sexual moments are left to implication. We get no indication that anyone is watching them. Aside from the inherent voyeurism of the camera, their moments feel private, safely away from the world. They kiss in secluded places, squarely at level 1. The sex itself happens off screen, perhaps arguably even moving us into a level 0. If Tee and White's sex is framed in ways that push back on gazing, Non and Phi's sex is made entirely impossible to view in the first place.

Levels 1 and 0 feel right at home in BL. This isn't to say we don't get other levels in BLs but it's not exactly a primary mode or a consistent trope. The exception perhaps is the threat in some dramas of being outed: being walked in on or seen making out out or embracing. Depending on the story this ranges from a friend who ultimately accepts them to someone who reacts with rejection. In either case, in these stories voyeurism as a theme typically revolve around homophobia. However, here we're signaled from the get go that the show will be exploring other themes. Tee and White's brief exposure to the group isn't playing on the tension of the closet. So from a visual standpoint, the way voyeurism is played out for Tee and White (as the group sees their footage) also signals that the show isn't really playing in the BL sandbox, it's just borrowing some sand.

For Non and Phi, then, the private nature of their relationship, and the fact that it remains at level 0 and 1, isn't a reflection of them hiding their queerness per se. Rather it dialogues with the perceptions both the group and the audience have of Non up until this point. The assumption that he is an outcast through and through, that he is unloved, that they/we already see his full complexity.

Non and Keng

This privacy given to Non and Phi is contrasted strongly with how Non and Keng are framed. By juxtaposing the two pairs, I believe that the show is challenging certain assumptions and dialogues around sex.

As Non and Keng begin to kiss and touch we stay in level 1 territory initially. However, this changes sharply when Jin and Fluke come to look for them. When we see the sex it is not through a neutral camera but through Jin's first person perspective. The shot is cut as if looking through a cracked door. We enter level 3 voyeurism. Quickly, as Jin pulls out his phone, we move from level 3 to level 4. We are now not just experiencing Jin watching, but we've become voyeurs to Jin's voyeurism. He watches and films, and we watch him do so.

The show clearly has a lot to say about what it means to surveil others and about the ways our perceptions can do others harm. It's very intentional that Non and Keng's sex is framed this way. As @lurkingshan points out, the scene is intentionally graphic to hit home on the fact that this is SA. In line with this, the visual framing takes us to the highest level of voyeurism (level 4) to make this violation clear. This doesn't just stress how awful this is, but also ask us as viewers to be reflective on our own judgements and perception.

As @brifrischu points out, Non and Keng's sex is transactional and easily judged as cheating, slutty, and scandalous on Non's part rather than SA. This contrasts with the level 0 and 1 of Phi and Non, who are judged as sweet, safe, and monogamous in contrast. By pulling us into level 4, the show is getting meta, and asking us to reflect on these assumptions. It wants to draw these comparisons in a way that makes us stand back and think about our role as viewers and voyeurs. As an audience we are implicated in the dichotomy that's drawn. There's an awareness here of audience response (or at least one unfortunately common one) and a critique of it built into the visual levels being played with. This is of course highlighted further in the following episode where Non reads social media commentary about the leaked video.

By making us voyeurs of this voyeurism, we're made complicit in a deeply uncomfortable but intentional way as we're asked to reflect on our perspectives around sex and morality. In doing this the show is highlighting the harm we can do just as it highlights the harm the characters do to one another.