#I wrote most of this weeks ago

[t0tally-n0t-3m0]

Spoilers for season 5 of tma

How am I supposed to move on with my life knowing that Jon was doomed from the beginning? The second touched that goddamned Lietner he was done for. And Elias knew this. That's why he made Jon head Archivist. That's why he put Jon through all that bullshit. And that's why he told Jon in his little ritual-statement that it was all just rotten luck because he couldn’t let Jon believe that he had any chance of saving the world.

[loganslowdown4]

Remus: Man, I’m so hungry. Deodorant doesn’t really fill you up.

Patton: Oh well, I was going to bake a cake later, you could have some??

Remus: Hmmmm, what is the catch, pops?

Patton: Could you please stop swearing and being mean to me??

Remus: PASS

[hadesknockedupintheunderworld]

Thinking of the end of Zelda Twilight Princess and TP Link again

Since the start of your journey, all you've tried to do is keep your home and your loved ones safe. You hardly understood your own destiny at first, the major role you were to play in this world. Though you could never have refused the future that lay before you, it remains that it's this wish to protect your home, your loved ones, and to bring everything back to normalcy that drove you in the beginning. And it, too, remains that even though you found others to care for and had accepted your destiny (that there became a point where you embraced your role in fixing everything), that original goal still remained. After all, you, the people you care about, none of you can go home or live in safety until the threat is defeated.

What if you'd started out as a boy from a small, rural town, one who'd hardly dreamed large, but couldn't shake his curiosity in the world outside. You never wanted to leave your village for long, but you were interested in getting a chance to see Hyrule's capital, meet those people your older friend had told stories of. And then, when the monkey's paw curled and the goddesses gave you a grand adventure, all you wanted was to pave the way for everyone to be able to go home, including yourself. Once it was all over, you and everyone else could finally relax, right? Things would finally go back to normal, wouldn't they? And the children could forget the horrors they'd seen, like none of it ever happened.

But after all that... Even after shedding the hero's tunic, returning the sword of evil's bane to its resting place, and finally returning home with everyone...home is not the same anymore. You were supposed to feel safe again, comforted by the sounds of the nearby wood, the smell of the goats, and the rough texture of the pumpkins that grow in the village, but even lying in your own bed makes you restless and feel on edge. Sometimes, the children still run around the village like they used to, playing pranks on each other and playing hero, but each one of them has an air of...maturity that wasn't there before.

Colin is more confident. He doesn't follow you around or spend as much of his time watching the other kids play. He spends time telling his baby sister stories and training with his father (like you once had) to learn the way of the sword. The other kids don't pick on him as much anymore either.

And Talo. Talo thinks the village is much too defenseless now, especially after everything he's been through. He never really left the rooftops of Kakariko Village, the village lookout who was trying to protect everyone the only way he could. He's even confided in you before that he's trying to learn a weapon too, and trying to convince Colin to join forces with him as village protectors. According to Talo, Colin says there's no need to worry with you and his dad around. No better protection than a hero, right? But Talo says he knows you and Rusl won't always be around. And...maybe that's true. One day, you too will grow old with time, but something about the way Talo says it makes you feel...uneasy. As if he was seeing right through you. Was he seeing something you were ignoring, or was he really truly talking about the day in which you are no longer able to protect anyone?

Beth is still a bit boy crazy, still fancies herself more mature than the others as she had before, but there's some respect there now when she interacts with them. She refuses to tell you what she's been up to, but you've seen her working in her mother's shop, talking to Uli as she feeds her baby, reading with her father, and helping Ilia wash Epona in the spirit's spring. Ilia seems to know more than she lets on when telling you that it's a casual hangout, but you have an inkling of what it's about. Given the others, it's no surprise if Beth, too, is trying to find her place here, trying to help in some way.

Malo is perhaps the one who'd changed most obviously. While everyone had been happy to go home after the defeat of Ganondorf, Malo couldn’t simply stay the same quiet kid who'd followed his brother around. He'd built a growing business back in Kakariko, dedicated to making goods affordable to the common person and raising funds to fix up local infrastructure. He couldn’t continue to run it from Ordon (though Sera's told you that he'd made an offer on her shop). You've even been able to hear him muttering under his breath about the state of Malo Mart management, and plotting to skip town (after all, young as he is, and after everything that's happened, there's no way his parents would just let him go back on his own). As before, Malo doesn't speak to you often, but he had...said something that shook you not long ago. He'd not so subtly "hinted" that you could make an excuse to leave, and that it wouldn't be hard for him to stow away as you went on your trip. You didn't know quite what to say, but when you began to mention his parents he'd cut you off. "So you're too scared to leave."

(Are you too scared? No, of course you could leave if you wanted to. And you don't want to, do you? You're home again, which is the only place you've wanted to be since the world went to shit. It'll just take...time for you to feel okay again. No better place than home to heal, right?)

But it's...not just the kids who've changed. Fado was happy to have you back, of course (he's always said no one wrangles the goats quite like you), but he’d... Well, even though he was the one who extended the offer, he seems to fear this is beneath you, that he's tying you down, keeping you from a grander life. No matter how much you assure him this is exactly where you want to be, that you just want things to return to normal, he doesn't seem convinced.

Not to mention the rumors in the village of your feats, all the talking behind your back. You'd been celebrated as a hero when you and Rusl returned back with the missing children, and now, since you've been trying to return to normalcy, others continue to be weird around you. You're a hero (were at least), yes, but are you not the same Link the villagers have known as long as you've lived here? Do you not occasionally assist with their troubles. Do you not try to make occasional small talk as before? So why do they seem to have trouble talking to you? Why do they have so much to say, and yet none of it said to your face?

Home has changed. And even that which has stayed the same doesn't feel...correct. That which is still familiar feels like nostalgia slipping through your fingers, not the reality before you.

But then again, when you spend weeks following your old routine, trying to act as you did before, and nothing seems to get better. When you lay in a bed (your bed) that's the same as it was when you first left it, you wake up sweaty and fearful from nightmares, and you feel exposed when you should feel safe, is it home that's the problem? What about when you look at the sunset and dream of places faraway, of the people you met and the things you've seen, and it feels like something's missing (something, perhaps, not wholly unrelated to the person people you'll probably never see again)?

Ilia was the one who first assured you that this path was the right one. When she finally had a chance to relax, deal with her amnesia head on, it was reminders of home and her past which comforted her, allowed her to get better. Of course, you know she'd never just forget everything she'd been through before, and she wouldn't expect you to either, but she'd agreed that being home would allow you to heal too. That's...that's what you've been hoping.

On many occasions you think about confiding it all in her, telling her what you've been going through, but you can't go through with it. Not when she seems...happy again.

So, after weeks of letting bits and pieces slip, you finally confide in Rusl. It's a day similar to all those months ago. The sun is setting as you and he sit at the spirit's spring after a long day, and he tells you about his week. You tell him that even as things get better, they don't really get better. When you don't have nightmares of tragedy and never ending battles and failure, you're dreaming of the people and places you met during your journey. No matter how much time you spend there, or how much furniture you move around to your liking, or decorations you add to the walls, the idea of your home being home feels like you and the feeling are separated by an impenetrable wall of glass. You can see that feeling of comfort, of home, of familiarity, but you just can't quite touch it. Your house is yours, and yet you can't seem to fit in it anymore. You've gone back to normal, and yet everyone is treating you differently. You try to relax, and you just can't quite sit still, feeling like...

You finally admit that feeling you've been stuffing down to him as you ramble (something rare for you to begin with). It's not just that you can't feel safe at home, that healing is a tough process, but that you feel like there's something yet you need to do. It doesn't feel right trying to be the person you were before. The routine which should be great for its simplicity and famliliarity feels wrong, almost stifling.

Did you really think you could just go home after all you'd seen and been through, go back to that small world and cut off the rest of it, just so things could be like they were before?

Maybe it's you who's wrong. Maybe you're broken and your edges dulled and chipped so the old pieces don't fit back together anymore–

But Rusl, ever a comforting presence in your life, just hugs you. He says he cannot even begin to comprehend the things you've been through. He acknowledges how hard it is to heal. Both things you already knew.

Then...he tells you his story, that he knows how hard it is to return to all of this after such an ordeal. You are not the only person who must deal with it now. You're not alone.

And then, as you consider telling him that if everyone is dealing with this, then surely they're handling it better than you, he tells you something that causes you to freeze.

"If you need to leave, you can."

"Of course," Rusl continues, "if you want to stay, we'll support you. You don't have to pretend everything is normal. And even if you go, it's not like you'll be banished. You can always come back here, even if you can't stay."

And so you speak the words you've thought every time someone suggests leaving here, or suggests that you won't stay. "Do I have to go? Is...does everyone just want me gone?"

Rusl shakes his head. "Of course not. We all love and care about you like we always have, hero or not."

Then...why do I feel like...this around everyone? you think.

"The question is...it's not whether anyone wants to you go or thinks you should go." Then, Rusl places a hand on your shoulder, face deeply serious as his eyes lock onto yours.

"The question is: Do you want to go? Do you need to go?"

For a moment...you're speechless. You know what you want, you think. You've wanted to return home all along, haven't you? That's...all You've been trying to do since you defeated Ganondorf, lost bid Midna farewell, shed the garb of the hero and returned the master sword to its grove. But...what do you need?

"I don't...I don't know what I need," is all you say.

"...Well," Rusl says, after a moment of contemplation. "I can't tell you what you want any more than I can accurately guess what you need. And I can't make your decision for you."

"...Right." So that's it then. Either you go, admit that there's no fixing you, no point trying to fit a misshapen puzzle piece in an old hole, or you stay, keep trying to move on and get things as close to normal as you can as you have been for weeks.

"Hey," Rusl says after a moment. "Hey, listen to me for a second."

You raise your head, shift your eyes from where you'd cast them at your sandals.

"You'll be okay, Link. You've been through a lot, and it's changed you—like it's changed all of us. But, you have your whole life ahead of you, and I suspect you have more choices than you even believe."

"...Yeah."

"I may not be able to tell you what you need, but I can tell you to follow your heart. If you listen to it, it'll lead you where you need to go."

"My heart?" You sound a bit skeptical.

"I mean...isn't it your heart that got you here? You didn't undertake the journey and save your loved ones by being weak of heart did you?"

And that...that's true. With everything that was at stake (especially that which you cared about most), it was your heart that wouldn't allow you to back down, wasn't it?

In the end, you nod.

Rusl smiles. "Then why ignore it now?"

"Why ignore it now?"

The rest of what Rusl has to say goes unsaid, but...you think you get it anyways.

"Why ignore it now? Has it ever lead you astray?"

"...Thanks, Rusl," you say, finally. You don't tell him that you feel a bit better now, but his smile grows regardless.

"It's no problem, Link. Anytime you need."

And so the sunset passes into night passes into morning, and there's a weight on you when you wake up. You know, somehow, in this moment, that a decision has to be made, a potential path chosen. There's no ignoring it.

And you find her—Ilia—in the spring.

"You're...leaving, aren't you."

"I..." You haven't even put on any gear, nor unearthed that special tunic tucked in your basement, nor have you saddled Epona up yet. When you woke up, you still didn't know what it is you need.

"...I am," you say finally.

There's a moment of silence.

"I...some part of me knew you would." Then, she adds, "One day."

"...Why?"

She shakes her head. "I can't explain it. You just...you haven't seemed...quite right lately."

I haven't?

You thought you must've seemed at least fairly normal, must have with all the effort you put in.

"You're... You weren’t..." Ilia hesitates for a moment, as if afraid to say the words at the edge of her tongue. But then, she sighs.

"You don't seem happy here."

"I-I've...I've tried to–"

"I know," she says, cutting you off. "I know. I have..."

You wait for her to finish her thought, but she never does.

"Hey, Link, before...before you go... Come back to this spring. I'll wash Epona for you."

There's a bit of strain in the smile Ilia gives you, but you nod, smiling back.

It's...it's not easy to leave. It never is, and it never gets easier, no matter how many times you have to do it. And so, as you gather some final supplies, thank Rusl for his advice, and put on your gear (finally unearth the tunic you'd hidden away), you remind yourself that this isn't truly goodbye. You're just...going on a little trip, chasing your heart. You'll visit sometimes, right? It's just a little trip.

And eventually, geared up, you make your way to the spring. As expected, Ilia is there, grooming Epona when you arrive.

Out of everyone, you feel Ilia has been both the easiest and the hardest to read. Ever since everyone returned to Ordon, it made sense the way she stuck right back to the comforts of home and her old routine. She's...not all okay, but it's seemed to make her happy. And yet...there's something else about her. There's a bit of weirdness there you can't parse out, and there's something in the way she speaks that always feels like there's something going unsaid. You feel it more than ever as she turns to face you in the spring, seems hesitant about giving Epona over, even as she says that Epona is washed and ready.

Although, then again, there's something nostalgic about this moment. As you mount up Epona and Ilia asks you to take care of her, and not to take on more than you can handle.

You know the moment is here. You can feel it. It's time to go.

And yet, there's one last thing holding you back. You look down at Ilia as she begins to speak again.

"...Link, I–"

"Hm?"

Silence.

"I...never mind." Ilia waves you off, mustering up a smile. "You should... You should go. Don't let me hold you back."

You nod in response. Her expression is a bit bittersweet, although perhaps the smile you return her is just the same.

And so you take off with Epona, galloping across the bridge between Ordon and Faron. You leave her standing outside the spring, and you make a beeline for Hyrule Field, craving to feel the wind in your hair and the sun on your face.

Your wants, your desires...those deep down ones may be impossible. But it's something. Traveling, following where your heart leads, it feels familiar. It feels...right.

And once your journey begins, you think it's almost laughable that you thought that you could just go back home after all that you'd seen and experienced and...lost. At least now, though your future is uncertain, though you still can't quite feel safe, though you still can't banish the nightmares, at least you no longer feel...stifled.

At least you can be free now.

[s4pphic-sh3nan1gans]

behold, I am back with another bokris fic:

enjoy my dear friends :)

[vincentbriggs]

Writing sewing video scripts is a whole lot of "Is this too complicated? I don't want people to be confused!" and "Am I overexplaining this? I don't want to sound condescending!" and the glove video is even worse than normal, but I finally recorded the voiceover today and I think it's fine! I show and explain all the pieces before I even get into the drafting, so hopefully this'll all makes perfect sense to everyone and you'll all make fancy gloves and it'll be great

[gothteddiesdotcom]

not to brag about being good at my job but I’ve now developed two separate tools for debugging entirely on my own within my company entirely from scratch without help and A. it makes my job so much fucking easier and B. my boss is thinks im incredible just because im too lazy to want to write the same bits of code over and over just for debugging purposes

[apocalypticdemon]

i CANNOT wait for this semester to be over. 23 hours remain. God.

[lumity-rights]

not even gonna lie to you all if we make it through december by overnights is my roman empire

[chenziee]

Young Love

Written as a part of the free Calendar Project by @newscoozines! There are three printable calendars (2 gen ones and 1 shipping) -- this story is for January in the shipping calendar!

Check the project out to see, among many others, the georgeous art done by Florakitz to go with this piece 🤍

Get all the links here, or go directly to each calendar: Ship || Gen 1 || Gen 2

[ READ ON AO3 | KO-FI ]

—————

When the Straw Hats had left the Flower Capital, Jinbe had thought that was the end of the celebrations and festivities. After all, they headed to the snowy Ringo—just so that Zoro could pay his respect to the late samurai Ryuma for… whatever reason. Jinbe didn’t quite understand the ‘because I fought him’ part.

He had thought the festival over… but he soon learned to not underestimate his new crew’s thirst for partying.

As he walked around the festival, snow crunching under his feet, Jinbe took in all that the festival and its many stalls had to offer; for the most part, it was much similar to the festival in the Capital—same games, same drinks, same food… except there was no shaved ice and no fish scooping, replaced instead by bowls of steaming hot ramen and snowball fights.

The mood, however… that was exactly the same. Laughter and music were dancing in the air wherever Jinbe went, happiness almost tangible as people celebrated their new-found freedom. And, just like in the Capital, the Straw Hats were right at the heart of it all.

It almost felt ridiculous, to be honest. Jinbe wasn’t used to this sort of thing. Wasn’t used to people joyfully celebrating with pirates—celebrating pirates.

But that was precisely why he had decided to join this particular crew, wasn’t it?

A wide smile spread on Jinbe’s lips at the thought; he really was glad he had decided to take this step and accept Luffy’s invitation.

“Dango!!”

Speak of the devil…

Jinbe chuckled at Luffy’s unmistakable shout, one full of excitement and hunger for food. And sure enough, when the fishman looked up, the young man himself was already bouncing towards a dango stall, demanding ten sticks before he even made it close enough for the cook to see him.

Jinbe was about to call out to his captain but then Luffy stopped abruptly before he turned on his heel and called, “Torao! How many do you want?”

“Just one’s good,” came a tired response from somewhere around the corner—the direction that Luffy had burst in from just a moment earlier.

Huh… Was Luffy spending time with Trafalgar Law? Earlier, it had seemed like Law didn’t want anything to do with the Straw Hats now that the alliance was over—Jinbe didn’t even know he came to Ringo as well—but now they’re walking around the festival together?

Maybe Jinbe shouldn’t be too surprised; Luffy did have that effect on people. After all, Jinbe himself was no exception.

Chuckling at the way Luffy immediately bit into the sweet, multicoloured dumplings handed to him—all four at once—Jinbe finally stepped forward.

“Luffy!”

Luffy paused, tilting his head back… before his face split in a wide grin. “Oh! Hi, Jinbe!” he greeted, speaking around the food in his mouth. “Did you see the snowmen back at the giant bell thing?”

“Not yet.” Jinbe shook his head. “I was watching Brook’s stage with Robin and Franky.”

“You should go, it’s super fun!”

“Not anymore,” a new voice interrupted. “Not after someone destroyed more than half of the statues.”

Immediately, a pout appeared on Luffy’s face as he turned to glare at Trafalgar Law. “It was an accident!!”

“Sure. If you consider ploughing through a bunch of statues while trying to carry a huge snowball an accident,” Law noted with a smirk as he accepted a dango stick Lufffy had offered to him.

“It wouldn’t have happened if you’d agreed to help!”

As Luffy’s pout only grew and Law’s smirk widened, Jinbe couldn’t help the easy laughter that bubbled out of his chest. If he didn’t know who Trafalgar Law was, he would think he was a part of Luffy’s crew. The way they were talking and interacting with each other, no one would think they were two rivals in a race to rule the sea and stand at the pinnacle of the world.

“Jinbe~,” Luffy whined, turning to his helmsman for support.

With an amused huff, Jinbe finally interjected. “Sounds like an accident to me alright.”

Law clicked his tongue, shooting the fishman a look. “Nami-ya’s right, you are coddling him.”

As Luffy stuck his tongue out at his companion, prompting Law to ruffle his hair in a teasing manner—yet another action that would have caught Jinbe by surprise just days ago—, Jinbe shook his head. Somehow, he felt like he was intruding.

With a final chuckle, Jinbe stepped away, waving the two of them goodbye before excusing himself.

They’d become such great friends over the course of this alliance; they should be allowed to get some time to spend together before the crews parted ways!

—————

Over the course of the night, Jinbe was happy to spend some down time with the Straw Hats, getting to know their habits and personalities better. He didn’t get much opportunity to do so during the festival in the Flower Capital since that was a much larger happening, not to mention they all ran off before the chefs at the Shogun castle even finished their work. To be fair, they had asked Jinbe to leave with them, but the fishman simply felt too bad for the hardworking cooks who took so much time to prepare the elaborate feast.

Here in Ringo, however, no such obligations were a problem. No one even knew them here—no one aside from a large, beautiful flame fox who had tried to pick a fight with Zoro for some reason and acting like the two knew each other well, much to Zoro’s own confusion. Which wasn’t to say that stopped the swordsman from rising up the challenge, of course.

At least before Nami stopped them while yelling something about property damage, debts, and interests.

Jinbe decided he didn’t want to know anything about that.

He met Usopp at the shooting games at one point, the sniper causing nothing but despair for the poor vendor there. He saw him again a little while later, standing proudly on an impromptu stage surrounded by a small crowd as he retold the heroic events of the raid and subsequent battle of Onigashima. With a few… tweaks to the story, one could say.

Chopper, of course, was busy running from one stall selling sweets to another, often accompanied by someone else from the crew—be it Robin, Nami, Usopp, Luffy, or even Yamato.

Sanji, as far as Jinbe could tell, spent the whole time taste-testing all the food he could get his hands on, soliciting recipes from people… when not too busy chasing after women. Or swooning over Nami and Robin in their kimonos and haoris. Or fighting with Zoro.

All in all, there was a lot of energy.

Jinbe still had a long way to go to be able to keep up with them!

Most surprisingly, however… Whenever Jinbe saw Luffy, Trafalgar Law was never far behind—and the other way around. Even when Jinbe saw Law walking around the festival with his crew, or saw Luffy laughing and playing with Usopp and Yamato, the other was always close. Almost as if they were scared to let each other out of their sight.

Jinbe couldn’t figure them out; Law always claimed they weren’t friends while Luffy kept declaring Law his crewmate. They bickered a lot, Law often threatened to cut one or more of Luffy’s body parts while Luffy bothered him endlessly… yet the man never followed through, instead indulging Luffy in everything he decided would be fun. It was a strange dynamic to be sure.

And somehow, it only kept getting stranger.

It was about three hours after the crew had joined the festival when Jinbe, a red bean taiyaki in one hand and a sake cup in the other, headed for the outskirts of the happenings to enjoy the event away from the crowds. It had started snowing heavily not long ago so most of the sheltered seating areas were already occupied, but Jinbe didn’t mind. He walked a little further away, up a small hill where a few trees stood, providing shelter of their own; surprisingly, he didn’t see any people up there, even though he was sure the view was very nice from up there.

As he trudged through the snow and came closer to the summit, however, he started hearing familiar voices.

“I don’t understand how you can still have so much energy,” one of them muttered tiredly.

A quiet snicker followed. “You’re just old, Torao.”

“I’m literally twenty-six,” Law deadpanned, and Jinbe could just hear the eyeroll.

“I mean your brain. Or your people energy. Or whatever. You just get tired way too quickly around people, like a hissy cat,” Luffy said, his voice shaking with laughter, completely unapologetic.

Law clicked his tongue. “Well, excuse me for liking my peace and quiet. Which I never fucking get with you around.”

“You love it,” Luffy teased.

“Fuck you.”

“No thanks,” Luffy shot back with another happy laugh accompanying his words.

“You’re impossible,” Law groaned… but his tone sounded light, almost as if he was holding back a chuckle himself.

Just hearing the exchange, Jinbe wasn’t sure if he should be interrupting them; their conversation felt… strangely intimate. Jinbe took another hesitant step forward and finally, the two of them came into view—immediately making Jinbe freeze in place.

They were sitting on the ground under the tallest tree, which in itself wouldn’t be strange, it was what Jinbe was expecting… Except they weren’t just casually enjoying the view of the festival like Jinbe thought and was planning to do himself.

No; instead, Luffy was sitting in Law’s lap, his arms thrown over the taller man’s shoulders while one of Law’s hands rested casually on Luffy’s thighs, his thumb rubbing slow circles into the fabric of Luffy’s kimono. His other hand was brushing back Luffy’s hair, hair which was covered in so much snow that he almost looked like his awakened form. Soon, Law was stroking Luffy’s cheek, guiding him closer… until their lips connected.

Jinbe felt a blush rising to his face.

Yeah, he definitely shouldn’t be here.

As he slowly turned away and started going back the way he came as quietly as he could, he thought back to two years ago, to the time when Law appeared in the middle of Marineford, risking his own and his crew’s lives to get Luffy to safety for seemingly no reason. 

He thought back to the two weeks they had spent in the confines of Law’s sub, the surgeon spending every waking moment with Luffy, making sure his vitals were stable and he wasn’t in danger. Back then, Jinbe assumed it was simply doctor’s pride that didn’t allow Law to stop looking after his critically injured patient. He believed Law when he said he had decided to save Luffy’s life on a whim. He concluded there was nothing really to it other than Law finding Luffy interesting after their encounter on Sabaody.

And when Luffy looked almost panicked when he realised Law and his crew were gone after he and Jinbe returned to the shore after Luffy’s rampage on Amazon Lily, Jinbe attributed it to him being grateful for their help and wanting to thank them.

But now…

Now Jinbe saw a much different picture.

A picture that made a little bit too much sense in retrospect, and Jinbe couldn’t figure out how he hadn’t seen it sooner.

After all, the way Law had  been looking at Luffy this whole time, the way Luffy always asked about Law’s whereabouts whenever he didn’t see him around for more than ten minutes, the way Luffy was always touching Law in some way—and Law letting him…

It was all so painfully obvious now.

A smile pulled on Jinbe’s lips when Luffy’s snicker reached his ears; he wasn’t sure how long this was going to last—they were all pirates, after all—but seeing how happy they both were… Jinbe decided to support them for as long as they wanted it to last.

Young love and all that.

[thefirstanomally]

My biggest hurdle with writing is that I'll get halfway through a story/piece and then just...like...I already know how it ends. When I write I write to see what happens so it stops switching around and writhing in my mind, but once most of it's down I know how it goes. Why bother writing the end? I already know it.

[ghostofdiamonds]

I should NOT have gotten the grade I did on that paper holy fuck (/pos)

[didhewinkback]

obviously he did not say it in the best way and said it on the most abhorrent platform but when u watch back old one direction x factor videos (watched a compilation for the first time in a decade, don't judge) it's like oh, liam was kinda right, they did form this band around him. like he is front and center, singing the majority of the songs, starting off every single song

and then to see harry's star power rise in real time is so wild like he doesn't sing solos for the first few weeks and then suddenly is front and center and he and liam are splitting the songs equally.

its fascinating to see what the show & simon clearly thought was the right move for the band (liam and harry main vocals, zayn singing sometimes, louis & niall never) & how much the fans changed that while some of that foundation remained.

[reflectionsofgalaxies]

coping with things so well today so i’m bragging about it ✨

[stopthefeeling]

On the tenth anniversary of Matt Smith regenerating into Peter Capaldi, I'm thinking of my relationship with the doctors - my reaction to their casting announcement and my feelings once they showed up on screen.

With Matt Smith's announcement, I was bereft. I was out for a family dinner in Glasgow on the night he was announced and specifically wanted to avoid my day being ruined by the announcement. Of course, one of those electronic screens with breaking news in the town centre told me anyway. He was so young, so odd, but of course anyone would've been wrong. David was my doctor, the first doctor I watched live, and so it wasn't an issue with Matt himself but in the possibility of change.

When David regenerated, as a stubborn ten year old I refused to accept the new doctor. Series 5 won me over, of course, and a new age of love for the show began, one with countless rewatches at sleepovers and theorising in Morrisons over what the resolution to That Cliffhanger could possibly mean.

By series 7, I was jaded. The resolutions to Those Cliffhangers were never nearly as clever or as exciting as I'd thought up in my head, and the trailer for series 7a was dire. Despite my love for Asylum of the Daleks, A Town Called Mercy brought the first ever episode I didn't watch live, and didn't bother catching up on for many years. Watching The Angels Take Manhattan, I discovered true disappointment. This was the first episode where every minute felt like a betrayal, everything wrong with the world. I rewatched for the first time a couple of years ago and unfortunately I still feel the same! Then came Clara. I disliked her intensely, to the point where I was banned from watching the show after The Rings of Akhaten (I snuck round to my friend's house to watch Cold War) and didn't watch again until Name of the Doctor.

Then came the news Matt was regenerating. An excerpt from a note of my thoughts at the time "I can't say I'm too surprised, but I don't know how I feel about it. I guess I'm disappointed but I won't miss him too much. I have mixed feelings. I guess if it was the Pond era then I would've been really sad but not so much with Clara." Of course, the rumours of his replacement quickly began, and Peter Capaldi was the frontrunner from very early on. I hadn't seen him in anything (other than Doctor Who but I don't remember having any opinion on his performance there) but I was okay with the rumours. Watching him come out of the doorway on Doctor Who Live: The Next Doctor, something settled within me. It was instant - this was the doctor. Despite my lack of knowledge about him, everything in me screamed that he was born to play the doctor. The future was in safe hands.

I won't bother going over my feelings about Day of the Doctor, that's for another day if ever, but I was suitably excited to see Peter's eyebrows, and went on about them for ages after the episode. In the end, when Matt regenerated, I was sad. It was an emotional episode and despite my opinion souring by the end, he had been such a big part of my life and shaped the way I consumed media and shared my love of television with friends after the primary school playgrounds were left behind. And then we met Twelve and saw a preview of series 8, and all my sadness faded into sheer excitement.

Series 8 brought a trip to Cardiff for the premiere of Deep Breath. Fifteen year old me was captivated by the red carpet and all the actors who we were yet to meet (Samuel Anderson! Michelle Gomez!) and Peter and Jenna themselves! (Jenna especially in that red dress, how I didn't know I liked girls from that day is truly a mystery.) The episode itself was... bad, even if it took me several years to admit it, but my love for the show felt as though it was at a peak all over again - and actually the red carpet experience was probably a foundation for going to soap awards and comic cons going forward. Waiting 3 weeks for the second episode was agony, as was the two week wait to talk about the episode itself - the clockwork droids had relatives! The gatekeeper of nethersphere showed up in the first episode?!?!?!? Was the half-face man pushed or did he jump? (Still waiting on the answer to that one Moffat.)

To cut a long story short, series 8 was everything. Series 9... not so much. My disappointment and anger over series 7 was back, in a limited way after Zygon Invasion/Zygon Inversion, but after Heaven Sent in a massive way. I felt the show was ruined again. Then came series 10 and, to put it bluntly, any companion that wasn't Clara was a win in my books. Bill did more than win me over though! Series 10 was a triumph and is still my favourite series. I was devastated at the thought of losing Peter. He was my second favourite doctor, next to David (he was joint favourite even then really but I was still so in love with the tenth doctor that I wasn't willing to admit it to myself and honestly it's only been in the last two years that I've admitted to myself and others that he's now my actual favourite).

The Kris Marshall rumours began and continued relentlessly, and I hated it. Despite my misgivings over a female doctor back in 2013, I was now in favour of a more diverse doctor. I could not handle another white man. It was with trepidation that I watched the dreadful Wimbledon final (nothing against Wimbledon, everything against RF), praying that Kris Marshall wasn't about to appear in front of my screen. I had a shrine next to me, dressed up and filmed my reaction, it was all very cute. Jodie emerged from under the hood and my relief was immense. Some of my tumblr tags from that day "I've never yelled so much in my life, she was outstanding in broadchuch and I just??? It hasn't sunk in yet, I've been watching this show since I was 7 and never in my wildest dreams did I actually believe we'd get a woman doctor, and someone as amazing as her. I can't believe my fave character as a kid is now a girl, she was already an icon but now she can be an inspiration to thousands of little girls like I was". It was a breath of fresh air and despite how sad I was to lose such an amazing doctor, I knew the future was in safe hands - mostly. Privately, I worried. Jodie had been amazing in Broadchurch but I'd only ever seen her act miserable and I wasn't sure she had the range to pull off the light hearted, fun aspects of the doctor that were so central to the doctor. Still, I was so hopeful.

The regeneration episode came and I fell head over heels from the moment the ring dropped to the floor. I remember thinking how lucky I was, that I could love a show so much that I was so devastated to lose such an amazing character, but know the future was so bright. In a way thirteen would put it eventually - two hearts; one happy, one sad. I had nothing to be worried about after all. Her era brought the brightest and happiest time of my life as a doctor who fan - I finally met the doctor! I engaged properly with the fan community and made amazing friends. I got to see a sapphic doctor who relationship front and centre. Flux brought my second favourite ever series, and gosh, Yaz is just my favourite companion ever, joining Bill and Rose as the companions that have my entire heart. I've never felt so loved by a show.

Bringing us (mostly) to now. Jodie announced she was leaving on the day I left my job which was mostly very funny to me but honestly the whole thing wasn't terribly unexpected - she'd filmed three series like the previous three doctors, and I'm sure there were rumours going around before that she was going. It was almost a year before Ncuti was announced and my reaction was very ?????? because it was all so lowkey and weird. But I was excited! I hadn't seen Ncuti in everything but it was about time we had a doctor of colour and he's Scottish so that was enough for me! A little disappointed it wasn't a woman again but I know we'll get more chances to be the doctor. And he's great so far! I love his energy and he's such a fantastic advocate for the show. I'm so excited to see his take on the doctor properly and I'm sure that once again, the best is yet to come.

Peter Capaldi, though, I've never had such an instant reaction to a casting announcement, with no worries, no sense of disappointment, nothing but pure joy. And my goodness, was I right to be so sure. Peter, I adore you. Happy ten years, my love.

[itstimeforstarwars]

I have the next chapter ready to go I'm just waiting for my sister to be available so she can proofread it.