#I wrote fucked up stuff
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i got rickrolled today but it didn't work because i have adblocker installed, so youtube just told me i violated the terms of service. yesterday i was trying to edit a picture as a joke for my girlfriend, and google made me check a box to prove i'm human because i wasn't "searching normally".
it isn't just that capitalism is killing fun and whimsy, it is that any element of entertainment or joy is being fed upon by this mosquito body, one that will suck you dry at any vulnerability.
do you want to meet new friends in your city? download this app, visit our website, sign up for our email list. pay for this class on making a terrarium, on candlemaking, on cooking. it will be 90 dollars a session. you can go to group fitness, but only under our specific gym membership. solve the puzzle, sign up for our puzzle-of-the-month-club. what is a club if not just a paid opportunity - you are all paying for the same thing, which makes you a community.
but you're like me, i know it - you're careful, you try the library meetings and the stuff at the local school and all of that. the problem is that you kind of want really specific opportunities that used to exist. you are so grateful for libraries and the publicly-funded things: they are, however, an exception - and everything they have, they've fought tooth-and-nail to protect. you read a headline about how in many other states, libraries have virtually nothing left.
do you want to meet up with your friends afterwards? gift your friends the discord app. you can choose to go to a cafe (buy a coffee, at least), a bar (money, alcohol) or you can all stay in and catch a movie (streaming) or you can all stay in bed (rent. don't get me started) and scream (noise complaint. ticket at least).
you want to read a new book, but the book has to have 124 buzzwords from tiktok readers that are, like, weirdly horny. you can purchase this audiobook on audible! your podcast isn't on spotify, it's on its own server, pay for a different site. fuck, at least you're supporting artists you like. the art museum just raised their ticket price. once, they had a temporary exhibit that acknowledged that ~85% of their permanent art galleries were from cis white men, and that they had thousands of works by women (even famous women, like frida! georgia o'keefe!) just rotting in their basement. that exhibit lasted for 3 months and then they put everything away again.
walmart proudly supports this strip of land by the street! here are some flowers with wilting leaves. its employees have to pay out-of-pocket for their uniforms. my friend once got fined by the city because she organized a community pick-up of the riverfront, which was technically private property.
no, you cannot afford to take that dance class, neither can i. by the way - i'm a teacher. i'm absolutely not saying "educators shouldn't be paid fairly." i'm saying that when i taught classes, renting a studio went from 20 bucks an hour to 180 in the span of 6 months. no significant changes to the studio were made, except they now list the place as updated and friendly. the heat still doesn't work in the building. i have literally never seen the landlord who ignores my emails. recently they've been renting it out at night as an "unusual nightclub; a once-in-a-lifetime close-knit party." they spent some of those 180 dollars on LEDs and called it renovating. the high heels they invite in have been ruining the marley.
do you want to experience the old internet? do you want to play flash games or get back the temporary joy of club penguin? you can, you just need to pay for it. i have a weird, neurodivergent obsession with occasionally checking in to watch the downfall and NFT-ification of neopets. if i'm honest with you all - i never got into webkins, my family didn't have the money to buy me a pointless elephant. people forget that "being poor" can mean literally "if i buy you that toy, i can't afford rent."
you and i don't have time to make good food, and we don't have the budget for it. we are not gonna be able to host dinner parties, we're not made of money, kid. do you want some kind of 3rd space? a space that isn't home or work or school? you could try being online, but - what places actually exist for you? tiktok counts as social media because you see other people on it, not because they actually talk to you.
there was a local winter tradition of sledding down the hill at my school. kids would use pizza boxes and jackets and whatever worked, howling and laughing. back in september, they made a big announcement that this time, rules were changing, and everyone must pay 10 dollars to participate. when im not scared shitless, i kind of appreciate the environmental irony - it hasn't gone below 40. so much for snow & joyriding.
i saw a bulletin for a local dogwalking group and, nervous about making a good first impression, showed up early. the first guy there grimaced at me. "sorry," he said. "there's a 30-dollar buy-in fee." i thought he was joking. wait. for what? the group doesn't offer anything except friendship and people with whom to walk around the city.
he didn't know the answer. just shrugged at me. "you know," he said. "these days, everything costs money."
#spilled ink#warm up#“why did u tag it warm up” bc i wrote it off the cuff while drinkin coffee lol#btw the 30 dollar buy in for the dog walking is bc they pay the organizer a small pittance so she can#run fb ads and stuff and like she does put in a lot of work i don't mind paying her#but that's exactly what im fucking talking about like.#ppl can't afford to volunteer their time anymore and we all understand it!!! everything costs money for everyone!#like we didn't have to use to say ''do you mind paying me back for the stuff we ate''#we used to be able to afford to feed our friends once in a while!!!
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If you saw me agreeing with being annoyed about wasted helium in a fictional context and were like "I bet she has some more helium based anger in her life" good news LAPD fucked up a raid on a medical facility they thought was a pot farm and flat out ruined thousands of gallons of the stuff.
#Back in the day the lab I worked in went through the stuff at a hell of a rate#But that was to actually do something at least#It's also fucking humiliating that a SF paper gets to write up our cops being dipshits#I am so fucking mad about both these aspects the wasted helium and that SF gets to laugh at us#I wrote a very very angry email to my city councilor but I do that like twice a week and I don't think he reads them or anything#So I suspect this one will also not move much
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I’ve been thinking some more about my fic scenario
part 1 | part 3
warning: non-con
So, they find the picture Korse took. Party chained up, crying, covered in all the blood and semen. Korse wrote “what a pretty view” on the white space.
(it’s only relevant if I decide of an epilogue/if I would write that fic, I’d call it “pretty poison”. whatever.)
they’re all in shock and react in a different way: Jet buries it down, Kobra cries it out quietly, Ghoul is angry. And so much so that the other two decide they must keep an eye on him to make sure he doesn’t do anything stupid. Kobra and Ghoul get in the Trans AM, Jet takes Party’s bike. They start to follow the trail the BLI van left but it’s complicated, wind messing it up and stuff.
Now, I got some worldbuilding I thought of after my first post; the killjoys communicate through the radio, we know that, so I think the Fab Four have their own frequency. They can access it with the Trans AM radio and portable ones they built into their own helmets and the Mousekat head.
Jet, Kobra and Ghoul tune into that frequency, hoping to hear something, anything that proves Party isn’t dead. And he isn’t.
(I need to look things up for this but basically I see it as He built a switch inside the mousekat head with three setting: off, talking, and listening. Right then he managed to discreetly turn the switch to the “talking” position.)
The sound is pretty low since the mic is only supposed to be picking up the voice of the people wearing the head, but the killjoys can here Korse talking. After a while they hear Party’s voice too and are relieved just a little. Now they have to do their best to listen and find out where exactly the van is, so they can intercept it.
Except things are about to happen that they don’t wanna be listening to.
This chapter is mostly in the three others’ point of view but I wanted to talk about party a little. When they’d been assaulted the night before, he had always been switching between panic, fear, and anger. Now they decided they will not show Korse how afraid they are of him. Korse’ provocations make him angry and they try their best not to reply, but fail. Korse calls him a brat who hasn’t learned his lesson and say he’s gonna teach them again.
Even with only the sound, the killjoys are horrified of this.
(For some time I was stuck at this part, so i distracted myself by making dialog.)
Korse says, “Open your mouth”. Party replies with, “Ghost yourself”.
“It would be more intimidating if you weren’t covered in blood and come. Now open your mouth, and don’t even think of biting. I’ll dislocate your jaw and do it anyway.”
Followed by a choking sound.
Followed by Kobra turning off the radio because he just can’t listen to this.
Ghoul asks Jet to listen for any clue to their position and as much as he says he does not want to hear that either, he says he’ll do it. It doesn’t take much time before he does pick up on something: music in the background getting a little louder then fading away. It’s the music from a band performing in a specific location, so they vaguely know where the van is. Kobra gets on Dr Death’s frequency and asks Show Pony to broadcast him; he makes an announcement to people at the Springfield Gang show, asking them to report sighting of a BLI company van, but not to go after them. Private matter. Party Poison was kidnapped.
(wonder if ppl can guess which band I’m thinking of)
They speed up to the show and run into killjoys friends who tell them the exact direction the van went, the Fab four (well three) ask of those friends that they stop other ’joys from interceding. Soon they can see the van.
Inside, Party is crying in silence as he’s forced to blow Korse. Said bitch lets him go for a second, asking if they want him to relieve them. Party replies by spitting on him. Korse does not like that. He grabs a shock baton and strikes him hard, again and again, the electricity making them yell and fall down. As their body touches the mousekat head when Korse strikes one more time, the electricity goes through them and into the head, messing up with the radio, switching the setting from ‘talking’ to ‘listening’
Kobra and Ghoul don’t understand why they can’t hear Party all a sudden. Then Korse, who figures out about the hidden radio, speaks up. “Eavesdropping is wrong.”
Party screams in pain as Korse breaks his ankle to punish him, and Kobra and Fun cut off communications. They’re 60 feet behind the van anyway.
#tw rape#tw noncon#oops i did it again#I wrote fucked up stuff#was tryna make angst#g/gm#f/g#killjoys#killjoys fic#danger days#fanfic#angst#ff: pretty poison
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Learning that fans hated Applejack and called her "boring" is crazyyy to me because I genuinely, unironically believe AJ's the most complex character in the main six.
Backstory-wise, she was born into a family of famers/blue collar workers who helped found the town she lives in. She grew up a habitual liar until she had the bad habit traumatized outta her. She lost both her parents and was orphaned at a young age, having to step up as her baby sister's mother figure. She's the only person in the main gang who's experienced this level of loss and grief (A Royal Problem reveals that AJ dreams about memories of being held by her parents as a baby). She moved to Manhattan to live with her wealthy family members, only to realize she'll never fit in or be accepted, even amongst her own family. The earlier seasons imply she and her family had money problems too (In The Ticket Master, AJ wants to go to the gala to earn money to buy new farm equipment and afford hip surgery for her grandma).
Personality-wise, she's a total people-pleaser/steamroller (with an occasional savior complex) who places her self worth on her independence and usefulness for other people, causing her to become a complete workaholic. In Applebuck Season, AJ stops taking care of herself because of her obsessive responsibilities for others and becomes completely dysfunctional. In Apple Family Reunion, AJ has a tearful breakdown because in she thinks she dishonored her family and tarnished her reputation as a potential leader –– an expectation and anxiety that's directly tied to her deceased parents, as shown in the episode's ending scene. In The Last Roundup, AJ abandons her family and friends out of shame because believes she failed them by not earning 1st place in a rodeo competition. She completely spirals emotionally when she isn't able to fulfill her duties toward others. Her need to be the best manifests in intense pride and competitiveness when others challenge her. And when her pride's broken, she cowers and physically hides herself.
Moreover, it's strongly implied that AJ has a deep-seated anger. The comics explore her ranting outbursts more. EQG also obviously has AJ yelling at and insulting Rarity in a jealous fit just to hurt her feelings (with a line that I could write a whole dissection on). And I'm certain I read in a post somewhere that in a Gameloft event, AJ's negative traits are listed as anger.
Subtextually, a lot of these flaws and anxieties can be (retroactively) linked to her parents' death, forcing her to grow up too quickly to become the adult/caregiver of the family (especially after her big brother becomes semiverbal). Notice how throughout the series, she's constantly acting as the "mom friend" of the group (despite everything, she manages to be the most emotionally mature of the bunch). Notice how AJ'll switch to a quieter, calmer tone when her friends are panicking and use soothing prompts and questions to talk them through their emotions/problems; something she'd definitely pick up while raising a child. Same with her stoicism and reluctance at crying or releasing emotions (something Pinkie explicitly points out). She also had a childhood relationship with Rara (which, if you were to give a queer reading, could easy be interpreted as her first 'aha' crush), who eventually left her life. (Interestingly enough, AJ also has an angry outburst with Rara for the same exact reasons as with EQG Rarity; jealous, upset that someone else is using and changing her). It's not hard to imagine an AJ with separation anxiety stemming from her mother and childhood friend/crush leaving. I'm also not above reading into AJ's relationship with her little sister (Y'all ever think about how AB never got to know her parents, even though she shares her father's colors and her mother's curly hair?).
AJ's stubbornness is a symptom of growing up too quickly as well. Who else to play with your baby sister when your brother goes nonverbal (not to discount Big Mac's role in raising AB)? Who else to wake up in the middle of the night to care for your crying baby sister when your grandma needs her rest? When you need to be 100% all the time for your family, you tend to become hard-stuck with a sense of moral superiority. You know what's best because you have to be your best because if you're aren't your best, then everything'll inevitably fall apart and it'll be your fault. And if you don't know what's best –– if you've been wrong the whole time –– that means you haven't been your best, which means you've failed the people who rely on you, which means you can't fulfill your role in the family/society, which makes you worthless . We've seen time and time again how this compulsive need to be right for the sake of others becomes self-destructive (Apple Family Reunion, Sound of Silence, all competitions against RD). We've seen in The Last Roundup how, when no longer at her best, AJ would rather remove herself from her community than confront them because she no longer feels of use to them.
But I guess it is kinda weird that AJ has "masculine" traits and isn't interested in men at all. It's totally justified that an aggressively straight, misogynistic male fandom would characterize her as a "boring background character." /s
At the time of writing this, it's 4:46AM.
#mlp#yeah i wrote this last night during insomnia.#yeah i know an embarrassing amount of crap about this kids show#but whatever it's my hyperfixation i'll store as much useless information as i want!!!#i'm gay and neurodivergent i have an excuse#in case you needed more proof that aj's my favorite character#personal#delete later#unless you like this analysis stuff#i get why they didn't reveal aj's parent's death until way later and why they didn't do much with it but i wish they did#cuz narratively there could've been so much material with aj's grief. like. i feel like we gloss over the fact that she lost her#mother and father as a teenager#i tried keeping my personal hcs out of this to keep it unbiased#but i'll put some in the tags#involving rarijack –– i think aj can be (but not always) very self-conscious about her relationship with rarity#anxieties that she's not the right fit or that rarity will move away and leave her some day or that another woman will take her attention#(like in rollercoaster of friendship?? nudge nudge??). basic seperation anxiety stuff#long post#regarding applebloom whenever i think about her and her parents i think about that scene in steven universe where steven looks up at#a portrait of his mother and openly wonders what kind of sack lunches she would've made for him. that episode still fucks me up
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pick your battles
#my art#my stuff#art#comic#original art#pride 2024#pride month#trans allegory..... or not even allegory. just trans .... ^_^#i technically cannot come out yet but i don't think the people who i need to not see this stalk my tumblr#i know they stalk everything else like my twitter and my instagram but this might be safe#so fuck it we yap. this is a comic about picking your battles#this is a comic about how for almost a year now everyone at home in singapore has been crying about my sore throat#my terrible fucked up voice. my you know. etc#i came out as not cis and using they/them pronouns in 2015 when i was 14#but no one ever used my pronouns. none of my classmates or friends even up until i left for college in 2020#from 2020 onwards every year i wrote an angry vulnreable essay about how much it hurts that they dont remember#and people would dm me apologizing on their hands and knees and commending my bravery#and then forget about it all over again. id ont mean 'they misgender me and then catch it and apologize and correct themselves'#i mean they dont even get that far#and so you might ask yourself: why have you kept them around all this time?#and i would have to explain that by pure bad luck i grew up in the most conservative close minded community#that all of my ex classmates that stayed in singapore are cishet and upper middle class and chinese singaporean#that i Am the trans person. that they were able to ignore me for a decade partially because there was no one else#so this is a comic about how there is dignity and grace in staying in the closet sometimes#about how not everyone deserves to see you at your happiest. about how some people can go fuck themselves#you know your truth and THATS THE ONLY THING THAT MATTERS!!! YEAH!!! i love you
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If I may request a Rise fic!! I’m a huge sucker for comfort/cheer up tickles, so could you possibly write a disaster twins fic with Lee Leo and Ler Donnie where Leo’s been having a pretty bad day (because of what is your choice!) and ends up feeling self conscious about himself and stuff, so Donnie decides to cheer up his twin!! Please don’t feel rushed and make sure you’re taking care of yourself ^_^
~ 𝚂𝚝𝚘𝚙 𝚋𝚎𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚜𝚘 𝚛𝚎𝚌𝚔𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜!!! ~
💜💙 𝙵𝚒𝚌 𝚛𝚎𝚚𝚞𝚎𝚜𝚝𝚎𝚍 𝚋𝚢: 𝙰𝚗𝚘𝚗 𝙽𝚘𝚗𝚗𝚒𝚎 💜💙
·̩̩̥͙**•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚𝙼𝚂𝙺𝙽𝚂𝙽𝙺𝙼𝙳𝙽𝚂𝙹 𝙽𝙾𝙽𝙽𝙸𝙴 𝙾𝙷 𝙼𝚈 𝙶𝙾𝚂𝙷 𝚈𝙾𝚄. 𝙶𝙴𝚃. 𝙼𝙴!!! 𝙶𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚝 𝚖𝚒𝚗𝚍𝚜 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚔 𝚊𝚕𝚒𝚔𝚎 𝚋𝚎𝚌𝚊𝚞𝚜𝚎 𝚘𝚑𝚑𝚑𝚑𝚑 𝚖𝚢 𝙻𝙾𝚁𝙳 𝚌𝚘𝚖𝚏𝚘𝚛𝚝 𝚝𝚒𝚌𝚔𝚕𝚎𝚜 𝚊𝚛𝚎 𝚖𝚢 𝙹𝙰𝙼!!! 𝙴𝚜𝚙𝚎𝚌𝚒𝚊𝚕𝚕𝚢 𝚠𝚑𝚎𝚗 𝚒𝚝 𝚌𝚘𝚖𝚎𝚜 𝚝𝚘 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝙳𝚒𝚜𝚊𝚜𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝚃𝚠𝚒𝚗𝚜…𝙶𝚘𝚍, 𝙸 𝚕𝚘𝚟𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚜𝚎 𝚝𝚠𝚘 ����𝚘 𝚍𝚎𝚊𝚝𝚑. 𝙻𝚒𝚔𝚎 𝚜𝚎𝚛𝚒𝚘𝚞𝚜𝚕𝚢..𝚑𝚞𝚛𝚝/𝚌𝚘𝚖𝚏𝚘𝚛𝚝 𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚑 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚜𝚎 𝚝𝚠𝚘 𝚓𝚞𝚜𝚝 𝚝𝚒𝚌𝚔𝚕𝚎 𝚖𝚢 𝚙𝚒𝚌𝚔𝚕𝚎…𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚒𝚏 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚎’𝚜 𝚘𝚕𝚍𝚎𝚛 𝚝𝚠𝚒𝚗 𝙳𝚘𝚗𝚗𝚒𝚎??? 𝙻𝚎𝚐𝚒𝚝 𝚖𝚢 𝚍𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚖 𝚏𝚊𝚗𝚏𝚒𝚌 𝚛𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚎!!!˚*• ̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙**·̩̩̥͙
𝙶𝚎𝚗𝚛𝚎: 𝙷𝚞𝚛𝚝/𝙲𝚘𝚖𝚏𝚘𝚛𝚝
𝚆𝚘𝚛𝚍𝚜: 𝟺,𝟹𝟿𝟺
𝙻𝚎𝚎: 𝙻𝚎𝚘 🐢💙
𝙻𝚎𝚛: 𝙳𝚘𝚗𝚗𝚒𝚎 🐢💜
𝚂𝚞𝚖𝚖𝚊𝚛𝚢: 𝙳𝚞𝚛𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚊 𝚖𝚒𝚜𝚜𝚒𝚘𝚗, 𝙻𝚎𝚘 𝚍𝚘𝚎𝚜 𝚜𝚘𝚖𝚎𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚜𝚝𝚞𝚙𝚒𝚍…𝚋𝚞𝚝 𝚠𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚎𝚕𝚜𝚎 𝚒𝚜 𝚗𝚎𝚠, 𝚛𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝?
(𝙰/𝙽: 𝚂𝚠𝚒𝚖𝚜 𝚒𝚗 𝚖𝚢 𝚜𝚎𝚗𝚜𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗𝚊𝚕 𝚜𝚎𝚊 𝚘𝚏 𝚊𝚗𝚐𝚜𝚝…𝙱𝚞𝚝 *𝙰𝙷𝙴𝙼* 𝚖𝚘𝚜𝚝 𝚒𝚖𝚙𝚘𝚛𝚝𝚊𝚗𝚝𝚕𝚢: 𝙳𝚘𝚗’𝚝 𝚋𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚐𝚞𝚢! 𝚃*𝚌𝚎𝚜𝚝 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝙺𝚒𝚗𝚔/𝙽𝚂𝙵𝚆 𝚋𝚕𝚘𝚐𝚜 𝙳𝙽𝙸!!!)
𝚃𝚊𝚐𝚐𝚒𝚎 𝚝𝚊𝚐𝚜: @shut-up-jo @itzsana-kiddingmenow @aceofspades-doodles @ziipzeepzop-eez
@tmntheadforever123 @rice-cake-teen10 @aninabanina6969
@savemeafruitjuice @cedarrthefluffylee @saturnzskyzz @titters-and-tingles
@someone1348 @my-l0v3r-v3rse @snipersiniora @mistyandsnow
𝚆𝚊𝚛𝚗𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚜: 𝙰𝚛𝚐𝚞𝚒𝚗𝚐, 𝚊𝚌𝚌𝚒𝚍𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚊𝚕 𝚜𝚎𝚕𝚏-𝚑𝚊𝚛𝚖 𝚜𝚝𝚒𝚖𝚖𝚒𝚗𝚐, 𝚢𝚎𝚕𝚕𝚒𝚗𝚐, 𝚊 𝚖𝚒𝚗𝚘𝚛 𝚊𝚞𝚝𝚒𝚜𝚝𝚒𝚌 𝚜𝚑𝚞𝚝𝚍𝚘𝚠𝚗, 𝚊𝚗𝚐𝚜𝚝 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚝𝚒𝚌𝚔𝚕𝚒𝚗𝚐. 𝙿𝚕𝚎𝚊𝚜𝚎 𝙿𝚕𝚎𝚊𝚜𝚎 𝙿𝙻𝙴𝙰𝚂𝙴 𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚍 𝚊𝚝 𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚛 𝚘𝚠𝚗 𝚛𝚒𝚜𝚔!!! 𝚃𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚘𝚗𝚎 𝚒𝚜 𝚊 𝚍𝚘𝚘𝚣𝚢…
**•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚𝚃𝙴𝙴𝙷𝙴𝙴 𝚊𝚗𝚐𝚜𝚝 𝚖𝚢 𝚋𝚎𝚕𝚘𝚟𝚎𝚍 🕺🏾✨💞🎶˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚*·̩̩̥͙
“I can’t believe you’re doing this to me again.” Leo grumbled under his breath as he rested his mouth on his palm, glancing away from his brother as he sighed loudly.
“Well maybe if you weren’t so fucking reckless I wouldn’t need to.” Donnie growled lowly, glaring down at his twin.
“I’m not a baby, Don. I don’t need to be supervised like I’m some bomb triggered to explode.” The younger said in exasperation, lying down on his bed whilst grabbing a comic book to read off of his desk.
If Leo was going to be told off and scolded by his dear beloved brow-loving brother, he should at least have something to occupy himself with in the meanwhile.
The softshell groaned eternally at his little brother’s action, quickly snatching the piece of literature out of the other’s hands and throwing it effortlessly to the ground.
Uninterested lime green eyes locked with a determined yet fierce light golden, both of them refusing to look away or blink to show their dominance.
But after a while, the red eared slider grew more impatient, looking away again as he picked a hangnail on his thumb, “If you’re going to yell at me, can you just get it over with? I saw a reddit post predicting what’s going to happen in The Umbrella Academy season four and I need to read it.”
“You can read that later, Nardo. I promise you, that reddit post isn’t going to fly away.” The elder said as he pinched the bridge of his snout, “What I need you to do right now is acknowledge what you did today was stupid, alright?”
Leo looked away from his older brother, scoffing lightly, “I do stupid things all the time. What stupid action of mine are you wanting to scream at me for this time?”
The softshell turtle took a couple deep breaths at that comment, drumming his fingers on his left arm in a soothing motion because he was NOT going to give into the urge of strangling his twin brother…
…No matter how much he deserved it.
“I’m not planning on screaming at you— that won’t help anyone or anything.” The purple banded turtle explained calmly…but you could see and tell he was starting to lose his paitence.
“But you want to.” The red eared slider pressed on.
“Leo…please. I don’t want to argue right now.”
“We’re not arguing. We’re just kindly discussing my oh-so stupid descision that unfolded earlier today, right?” The younger twin smirked smugly, his eyes locking once again with his brother.
When it came to arguments, the leader in blue always had this wonderful tactic to avoiding things: attempting to annoy the other person so much that they drop the subject they wanted to discuss with him completely.
It always worked with Raph…which the red eared slider didn’t know whether that was a good thing or a bad thing.
But the only downside of doing this tactic was his dumb twin saw right through it…
…And Leonardo despised it.
“Nardo…you know what I’m referring to. And stop picking, please. Your going to hurt yourself.” The older attempted to say in a tranquil voice, but it personally just sounded like he was one second away from losing. his. shell.
“I sadly do not know what your referring to.” The blue cladded teen said coyly, picking on his hangnail more desperately now, “Care to enlighten me, Tello?”
Donnie’s expression hardened ever so slightly at his younger brother’s absolute persistence on annoying him out of his right mind so he could eventually drop the subject…but the softshell turtle was not budging.
His twin would have to try way harder than that.
“I’d love to.” The light golden eyed mutant said in a fake sweet tone as he walked over to lean his shell on Leo’s closed door, crossing his arms in disaproval. The elder grabbed his brother’s sword, planting it right next to his foot so the blue banded turtle couldn’t reach for it.
The red eared slider’s cocky grin turned to a small grimace (shake) as he soon came to terms with what his older brother was doing…
…He physically could not leave from this conversation…literally.
Leonardo crossed his arms, trying to mimick the other’s serious demeanor but was only met with an icy glare in return.
“What you did during today’s mission was completley reckless and idiotic, Leonardo…and you know it.” The second oldest said, “I had that thug exactly where I wanted him but noooooo. Because you saw me trip you thought it would be a spectacular idea to throw yourself on top of me as that hooligan tried to hit me with his bat!!” Donatello seethed.
“We’ve been over this multiple times, Leo! There was no reason for you to do that!” The light golden eyed teen yelled, his glare only hardening more as he saw the younger stuttering over his words to try to defend himself.
“I’m not done.” The taller teen growled, all of his calmness and collectiveness thrown completley out of the window.
The slider slightly flinched (which went un-noticed by the other) at his brother’s genuine angry tone, his left leg fidgeting and bouncing up and down like crazy.
His tactic was really starting to not work in his favour at all…
“Just…stop putting yourself in the middle of danger like you’re just expecting the rest of us to just watch. We’re your family…and most importantly, we can defend ourselves just fine.”
“Well ihisn’t that hypocritic!” Leonardo scoffed before creasing his eye ridges together in genuine confusion, mumbling to himself, “Hyp…uh…hypocrotic? Hyp…Hypocratic…?”
“Hypocritical?” The older deadpanned.
“YES! THAT WORD!” Leo said, “When we were fighting Kraang Prime on the ship and he went to take a blow at Mikey…what did you do?”
Donatello scowled, his eyes not leaving his twin, “…I went in front of him and shielded him with my mystic tech.”
“Exactly.” The lime green eyed mutant scoffed, “And how is that any different from what I did, hm?”
“BECAUSE I HAD A PLAN!!!” Donatello shouted, “I planned to accordingly go in front of Mikey so my sheild could protect both him and me. Did it end up turning out perfect? Fuck no. Kraang Prime slashed right through it and me and Mikey went tumbling towards the ground…” The glasses wielding teen said through clenched teeth.
The light golden eyed teen rubbed his face tiredly, his hands clenching and unclenching in frustration, “But I had a plan. You on the other hand, just zoomed recklessly on top of me and hoped for the best.”
“…I saved you, didn’t I…?” The younger twin mumbled out meekly, causing Donatello’s blood to absolutley boil.
“That’s not the point!!!” The elder said as he clenched his hands at his sides again.
“Then what is?!” Leo said desperately, “Because from the looks of it, it just seems like you want to yell at me for just doing my job.”
Leonardo pulled on his mask tails anxiously, trying to calm himself down but ultimately just making himself feel worse by doing the action, “I’ve been trying to be a better leader—“
“Leo—“
“—For you and Mikey and April and Raph and Casey and C.J. a-and Dad! But it seems like no matter what the hell I do there’s always something I’m doing WRONG!!!” The younger twin shouted, blinking back tears as he glared at the ground as if it took his Jupiter Jim comic.
Which…it did. The blue banded mutant wanted it back now, actually…
“I saved you! I-I didn’t even get hurt by doing it but somehow there’s an issue…” The lime green eyed teen murmured, both of his legs bouncing up and down as he tugged on his mask tails harder, “There always is…”
“Leonardo can you please just listen to me?” The older twin said in irritation.
“But Don I’m—“
“No, Leo! Just listen! That’s all you need to do!” Donnie snapped as he cut his brother off, “I don’t want you leaping head first into harms way! At all! Especially if you don’t have a plan!” The softshell turtle exclaimed as he flapped his hands against the side of his thighs, but his eye contanct remaining on his little brother.
“Oho so now you don’t trust me well enough to know that I can handle myself in combat?” Leo said in a last desperate attempt to make his brother drop the conversation.
“I…” The young scientist’s eye twitched, his eyebrows creasing together as he had to physically restrain himself to not beat the ever living crap out of the other teen, “THIS IS NOT ABOUT TRUST, NARDO!” The light golden eyed mutant screamed desperately, his hands flapping faster as the red eared slider shrunk at his usage of tone, “This is about you not even thinking about what would happen to yourself when you do reckless nonsense like this.”
Leo glanced to the side, his eyes watering as he bit the inside of his cheek.
He just wanted to help and be the leader his brother’s deserved…
But he always found a way to fuck it up without even noticing, huh?
"You don't think about what could happen to you and I hate it!” The elder cried, “What would’ve happened if Raph didn’t come behind the guy and knocked him out cold at the last second, huh?! Would you have just stayed right on me as he continued to beat you with his bat?!”
Leonardo bit the inside of his cheek harder, his legs bouncing up and down more as his fingernails dug unforgivingly into his arms, “I-I’m sorry, Donnie—”
“Or would you have tried to fight him instead?! Mind you, you dropped your sword before coming to me so you’d have no weapon to defend yourself.”
“You don't think about how much it scares me when you do dumb shit like that! I hate seeing you get hurt…I freaking loathe it.” Donnie rested the back of his head on Leo’s door, taking a couple deep breaths and hugging himself in an attempt to calm himself down.
Jeez…when the hell had he started yelling? His throat stung like a bitch now…
And when had he started shaking like a bobby head?!
The older twin’s expression softened, pinching the bridge of his snout once more, “I care about you…so fucking much, okay…?” The purple banded turtle said gently as he gradually started to simmer down and become more calm, “Your my twin…my little brother. And I hate to be repetitive but I-I just despise seeing you hurt…physically or emotionally…so please just…”
The young scientist’s eyes widened, peering down at his brother who did not seem to be following…at all.
Leo’s eyes were wide as saucers as he hit his arm with his fist repeatedly whilst obviously trying to suck in whatever tears dared to try and escape.
The taller turtle basically ran to his distressed twin, trying to stop him from harming himself any further but was only met with a low grunt.
Shit.
Shit. Shit. Fucking shit.
Wonderful job, Donatello! You yelled at your brother so much he shut down!
Even though you knew he can’t fucking stand being yelled at and the whole point of you even being here was to explain what he did wrong collectively and calmly because that was the exact oppositeof what Raph does when he’s worried…
But no! You yelled at him anyway.
Wonderful job, Donatello…wonderful. job.
The older twin sighed sadly, gently grabbing his brother’s wrists so he would stop hitting himself. The two brother’s shared eye contact once again, an unsure lime green meeting an understanding yet uncertain light golden.
“Nardo…” The softshell started, squeezing the other’s hands gently, “…Are you with me, bud…?”
Leo just nodded quietly, squeezing back.
“God…Nardo I’m so sorry…” The older muttered, “I don’t…I don’t know why the hell I lost my cool like that. I-I’m sorry I yelled. I shouldn’t of yelled…I-I just…” Donatello sighed, squeezing his brother’s hands once again. “I’m not angry with you. I…I was just frustrated.”
“Well, no…let me rephrase: I am angry with you— livid even. You know damn well enough that when you do those kinds of things my heart literally jumps out of my shell. I need you to put into consideration that I would like to live to at least seventy-seven…”
The younger twin giggled wetly, fidgeting with his brother’s fingers as he spoke, “…Why seventy-seven?”
“Albert Einstein died when he was seventy-six…I can and will outlive him.” The light golden eyed teen said matter-of-factly, “But back to what I was initially saying…I know you meant well. You saw that I was in trouble…and you dropped literally everything in order to help me get out of said trouble. You don’t think of what happens to you…you just do it because you’ll know if you do we’ll be alright…”
“I-I just…I just wanted to protect you…I-I just wanted to help…” Leo tried to explain.
“I know. I know, Lee…” Donatello sighed, rubbing the slider’s knuckles gently with his thumb, “But you need to understand that with you trying to protect us that way, your putting us in the same situation your trying to keep us away from.” The elder explained lightly, smiling softly as him and his twin’s forehead’s touched.
“You’re getting hurt— or at the very least almost getting hurt. We’re feeling the same anguish and guilt you would feel if any of us did that. I get that you want to be a good leader and shit…but you can lead well without doing that…okay?”
Leo fiddled with the other’s fingers a bit more, his bouncing leg starting to calm a bit, “I’ll…try to be more careful when it comes to me protecting you guys like that. When I see you all in trouble…I just…react. I don’t really care about what happens to me as long as you guys end up okay. But…I’ll try to be more careful. And if I ever end up, like, being a bit too reckless…you can just tell me…deal?”
“Deal.” Donnie nodded, squeezing Leo’s hands one last time before letting go, wiping his twin’s eyes with his hoodie sleeve, “Now please stop crying or you’re going to make me start crying.”
Leo snorted, examining the other’s now tearing up expression, “I think it’s a bit too late for that…”
“GAH! FUHUCK!” Donnie cursed, wiping his own eyes as the slider laughed loudly at his exclamation.
.
.
.
.
.
.
“Leo…don’t you think you’re getting a bit too big for this…?” Donatello grumbled as Leonardo was on his lap, getting all nice and comfy as he rested his chin on the older’s shoulder. “Noooope.” Leo drawed out, making a dramatic popping noise at the end of the 'p', “'Sides, this is what you get for making me emo earlier.”
“…I said I was sorry…I didn’t mean to shout at you like that. I was just concerned…”
“I know that, you worrywart. I was just kidding.” The lime green eyed teen said lovingly, squishing his brother into a tighter embrace. The older let out a short shriek at the hug but of course didn’t mind the other being so clingy.
If the young scientist really and truly did mind? Leo would’ve been pushed to the floor by now.
The two twins shared a comfortable silence…well…a semi-comfortable silence.
The purple banded teen felt…off. His younger brother had this…look in his eyes; like he wanted to say something but was afraid of what Donnie would say or how Donnie would react.
Which was so damn dumb Donatello didn’t even know how to explain it.
“…There’s something else on your mind.” The taller turtle hummed, his suspicions only rising as the other glanced to the side. “Uhm…no there isn’t. See? This is why I call you a worrywart.” Leonardo said, tapping his fingers on his thigh nervously.
Very convincing Leo…very convincing.
“Don’t even try lying to me, Leon. My older brother and twin senses are tingling. You can’t argue against that kind of logic.” The scientist said matter-of-factly.
“What are you, Spiderman?” The younger snorted.
“We shall never know.” The older shrugged, a small smile spreading to his face as he saw the other snort softly at his statement, “Now stop deflecting. Spill.”
“…Can you…adjust my elbow braces…?” The red eared slider muttered.
“…Why can’t you do it?” The other questioned. Not in a malicious way; he was just genuinely curious.
“I like it when you do it. You make it more firm, y'know?” The blue banded turtle whined dramatically, “Pleeeeeease?”
“Ugh, Jesus— fine. But drop the pout…you look ridiculous.” The taller mutant sighed, lightly grabbing his brother’s arm as he readjusted the braces.
The purple banded turtle meticulously took off the other’s left arm brace, tracing his twin’s elbow to make sure it was healing correctly— which the slider couldn’t help but wriggle slightly to.
As the older twin put the brace back on, he looked at the other turtle in complete worry, “…Why are you squirming around so much?” Donatello asked in confusion.
“…No reason.” Leonardo stated, but let out a tiny squeak as Donnie lightly pinched his forearm.
“Yohou okay…?” The glasses wielding mutant giggled.
“I-I’m fihine!” The smaller turtle insisted, covering his mouth as he let out a loud shriek in result to his brother now lightly scribbling his forearm. “EEEEE! P-Plehease moohoove yohour hahahand!!” The younger sputtered out, hiding his face in the crook of the scientist’s neck which the older turtle couldn’t help but let his heart melt to.
“Oh.” Donatello hummed, biting back an amused laugh, “Sorry. Sometimes I forget how ticklish you are…”
“Snrt I-Ihihi’m nahat ticklish. I juhust don’t wahant your hand thehere…”
And isn’t that quaint.
If Donnie had a penny for every time Leo said he 'wasn’t ticklish', the softshell would be richer than Elon Musk.
“…Right. So…you wouldn’t mind me doing this then?” The young genius mused as he scribbled one hand over his twin’s ribs. “EEEEHEH! Duhuhude noHOH!! F-Fuhuck yohou!” The younger twin managed through his small giggles, pushing on his brother’s plastron to try and escape while he still could.
The elder laughed fondly at his little brother’s futile actions, hugging him closer as he lightly tickled him, “Nahardo! My brohohother in Christ gehet back here or you’re gohoing to fahall off of the bed!
“N-NOHO!! LEHET ME GO!” The lime green eyed teen screeched loudly, kicking his legs and pushing even harder on the other’s plastron, his eye’s widening in panic as his older brother casually lifted him up and pinned his arms above his head, his plastron now facing up on the bed.
Eugh boy…
Donnie grinned, sitting on the other’s thighs as he wiggled his unoccupied fingers in the air near the slider’s side, “That’s better~!”
“WAHAIT WAHAHAIT snrt PLEHEASE DEEHEE!!” The red eared slider cried, kicking his legs from underneath the scientist.
If he was going to go down…he would at least go down fighting.
“I haven’t even touched you yet, you goof…” The older twin chuckled.
“B-BUHUT YOHOUR GOHOHONNA!”
“'Gonna' what, exactly?”
“TihiHICKLE ME!!”
“Tickle you? Well, why didn’t you just say so in the first place?” Donatello snickered, using his free hand to skitter his fingers along the crook’s of the younger’s neck.
The blue banded turtle squealed, shaking his head back in forth whilst scrunching his shoulders, “GAHaha— snrt EEEEHEEHEH oho cohome snrt OHAHAN!!”
“What’s wrong, Leo? I thought you said you weren’t ticklish~?” The older teased.
“Snrt STHDHAHAH! Shuhut UP! IHI’M naHAT!” The younger shouted, tugging and pulling his arms to try and get his hand’s free from the other’s grasp. Donnie just laughed softly at the action, wiggling his fingers above his little brother’s stomach.
The lime green eyed teen’s eyes widened in panic, thrashing in the hold to try and loosen his brother’s grip but the purple banded turtle did not budge even a smidge.
Leo’s laughs became more giddy and loud as he continued to squirm, small squeals and snorts escaping his beak as his twin brother’s hand went sloooooowly to his stomach.
“N-NOHO NONONONO DAHA— snrt DOHON!!” The smaller turtle snorted, hiding his face in the side of his arm which Donnie couldn’t help but giggle to.
The light golden eyed mutant rested his hand on the slider’s plastron, making the younger turtle’s laugh raise almost a thousand octaves.
“DOHON’T snrt DOHON’T DOHOHON’T snrt YOU DARE!! YOHOUR SOHO MEEHEEHEEAN!!” Leonardo whined, hiding deeper into his arm and becoming a giggly flustered mess.
The older twin shook his head fondly at his little brother’s embarrassed state, taking the opportunity to tickle the younger’s stomach while he wasn’t looking.
Leo let out a loud scream, descending into high-pitched cackles as even louder snorts followed, “HAHAHAHELP!! IHI’M SNRT BEEHEEING SLAHAHAUTERED!!”
“I’m quite literally only using one hand, Nardo. Stop being dramatic.” The light golden eyed teen mused whilst watching his brother snort and squirm, “And here I thought I was the dancer of the family. Look at you! You’re making up a whole dance routine right now!” He said as he let go of Leo, crossing his arms in amusement.
“S-Shuhuhut snrt up…” The younger twin wheezed out, hugging his middles as he playfully glared at his purple loving brother.
Then, a lightbulb went on in the scientist’s brain, a smug smile spreading to his face, “Hm…you know, Lee—”
“Dohont call snrt me thahat!” Leo giggly interupted.
“Uh-huh. Well, Lee…did you know that the underarms are one of the warmest places on the human body?” The scientist said.
The lime green eyed mutant cocked his head to the side in confusion, “Soho?”
“Soooo my hands are cold. Very cold, in fact. I’d be forever in your debt if you could—”
“NO! NONOHO WAHAY IN HEHELL! G-GOHO AWAHAHAY!” Leo squealed, reaching for his brother’s wrists as the elder tried to tickle his neck once again.
Sigh…Leonardo made this too damn easy sometimes.
The glasses wielding teen wasn’t just going to miss this oh-so-definetly-not-planned opportunity! The softshell scribbled his fingers along the slider’s underarms, making the younger let out a loud squawk as he shot his arms down.
“NAHAH AHAHAHA— snrt GEHET THEHE HEHELL OHAHA— snrt OHOHOUT!!” Leonardo cried while banging his heels on the bed.
“What~?” Donnie hummed inocently.
“GEHEHET AHA— snrt GEHET. OHOUT. OHOF THEHEHERE!”
“Awe…why~?”
“BEEHEECAUSE IHIT’S SOHO BAHAHAD!!!”
“And?” Donnie chuckled, “That sounds like a you problem, little brother.”
“AHHHAHA— snrt GAHAHAD FUHUCK YOHOU!!!”
“Pardon…what was that?” Donnie questioned as he pinched where Leo’s hip met his thigh. “N-NONO— snrt NAHAHAH!! I CAN’T— snrt PLEHEHEASE I’M snrt SORRY!! I-IHI TAHAHAKE IHIT BAHAHCK!!”
“Nah…I think I’ll just stay riiiiight here for a bit…” The taller turtle smiled, using both of his hands now to tickle Leo into a laughing and snorting blob.
The younger weakly hit his big brother’s arms, throwing his head back as he squeezed his eyes completely shut.
“…And you know what, Lee~?”
“WHAHAHAT NOW?!”
“I’m feeling…kind of famished.” The elder mused, his smile almost looking like the signature Joker’s as he saw his younger brother’s face pale.
Leonardo scrambled to sit up, fighting with his brother’s arms as he giggly protested, “PLAHA— snrt PLAHAHEASE! PLEHEASE snrt D-DOHON’T!!”
Donnie pinched his brother’s thighs unforgivingly, “You should have thought about that before yapping such ill nonsense about yourself.”
“WHAHA— snrt WHAHAHA— snrt WHAHAT DIHID snrt IHIHI snrt EVEN SAHAHAY?!” The lime green eyed turtle cackled, flapping his hands on the mattress.
It took literally everything in the older twin not to coo his baby brother’s adorable actions; instead, he lightly moved Leo’s hands away, smiling evily as he lowered his head to the other’s plastron, “You don’t even know. Guess you really want this, huh~?”
The blue banded teen kicked his knees into his brother’s shoulders and shell, throwing his head back in complete hysterics whilst waiting for him complete and utter demise.
The softshell wasted no time blowing raspberries after raspberries in the middle of his younger’s stomach, making sure to move the other’s hands away any time he tried to push at the young genius’ head.
Donnie didn’t feel like getting brain damage after all.
Plus, he had his signature glasses ᴅᴏɴᴀᴛᴇʟʟᴏ ᴛᴍ on! And those were trademarked…as you can wonderfully see.
“God…can you get more ticklish?” Donatello giggled, squeezing and squishing the red eared slider’s knees with one hand and scribbling his sides with the other whilst contuinung to raspberry Leo’s stomach.
“DEEHEE DEEHEEHEE SNRT PLEHEHEASE!!! IHI SNRT DAHAHAH— SNRT DAHA— SNRT DAHUNNO!!” The smaller turtle screamed, happy stimming with his arms on the taller twin’s shoulder.
Donnie couldn’t help but chuckle, deciding to show his twin a tad bit of mercy as he nibbled his stomach lightly.
The slider let out bloody murder from his beak, happy tears threatening to fall from his eyes as his bubbly cackles and snorts bounced off the walls of his room.
“Jeez…I think Peppa Pig has some competition, huh~?” The light golden eyed mutant snickered.
“PLEHEHEASE!! TEHEHELLO SNRT IHI’M GOH— SNRT GOHOHA— AHAHA SNRT MYHYHY SNRTGAHAHAHAD!!!” The smaller teen pleaded.
“Do you promise to stop putting yourself in between danger and your family?” The older hummed.
“YEHEHES!!” The younger cried loudly.
“Do you promise to go easier on yourself?”
“YAHA— SNRT YAHA— SNRT YEHEHES!!!”
“Do you promise to accept your doing an amazing job as leader and we all love you—”
“MY SNRT FUHUHUCKING SNRT GAHAHAD!!! IHIHI SNRT GEHET IT!!” Leonardo shouted, his blush now completley blending into the red stripes on his face.
The softshell turtle got off of the other, sitting next to his little brother as his little brother in question hugged his middles and giggled tiredly.
“Y-Yohou could ohof juhuhust sahaid ahall of thahat wihihithout tickling meeheee…” The younger grumbled despite the evident smile on his face.
“And where’s the fun in that?” Donnie smiled back, his expression softening as Leo got up and leaned against him softly. The older wraped an arm around the younger’s shoulder, pulling him closer into a warm, protective gesture.
“Ahand would yohohou look ahat that! Ihi got yohour emo bahad boy ahahass to smile todahay. Your eheeven hugging me~!” The blue banded leader spoke softly, his voice filled with affection as he poked his twin’s forehead cheekily.
“You tell anyone that and I will not hesitate to deny that extremely untrue statement.” The scientist huffed, rolling his eyes fondly as his smile spread.
·̩̩̥͙**•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚𝙵𝙸𝙽˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚*·̩̩̥͙
(𝙿.𝚂.: 𝙸𝚏 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚎𝚗𝚓𝚘𝚢𝚎𝚍 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚏𝚒𝚌, 𝚙𝚕𝚎𝚊𝚜𝚎 𝚛𝚎𝚋𝚕𝚘𝚐!!!)
#Rottmnt tickle#Rottmnt tickle fic#Lee!Leo#Ler!Donnie#WHOOOOOO BOYYYYYY…#I’m sorry but I’m not sorry 🫶🏾#Angst is like my second child 👶🏾💘💞💝💖💗#But I feel like I need to explain some stuff bc this fandom is probably holding me at gunpoint rn ��🔫#The reason why I feel like Leo and Raph had so many disagreements when Leon became leader is bc Leo can’t handle yelling#LIKE AT ALL— he just sees it as whomever is yelling means their mad#So if Raphie boy was like: “I CARE ABOUT YOU AND LOVE YOU SO FUCKING MUCH YOU DUMB ASS BITCH WHY CAN’T YOU JUST BE CAREFUL⁉️”#Leo would hear it as: “I HATE YOU SO MUCH RN WHY CAN’T YOU DO ANYTHING RIGHT⁉️”#This fandom has been sleeping on AuDHD Leo for Y E A R S and I shall not be silent anymore its SOOOOOOO OBVIOUS 😭‼️#I could not remember the word “hypocritical” for the LIFE of me…when I searched it up I probs wrote “hippopotamus”#Leon is trying PLEAAAASE catch him a break 🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾#Older twin Donnie is canon idgaf I was in the writers room TRUST 👏🏾💗💞💝💕#Big bro senses 🤝🏾 Twin senses#Donnie is fucking UNSTOPPABLE 🤌🏾…bud does need to learn how to control is volume when upset tho eheheheh#He genuinely doesn’t know when he’s gradually getting louder or more upset…that’s why he was so panicked when Leo had his lil meltdown LOL#Raphie just expresses his worry with yelling…ex: “AND NOT EAT POSION‼️‼️‼️”#Oh yeah this takes place a couple months after the Invasion…so everyone is like healed and everything but yk they’re still traumatized obvs#😌👍🏾#Leo’s lil tactic on dropping convo’s is a HC I have so don’t quote me on it 🙌🏾#GDGDGSHSN I ALSO NEED PPL TO DRAW DON WEARING HIS GLASSES MORE OFTEN HE’S SUCH A CUTIE PATOOTIE 💝💘💕💗💖💞💓🩷#But tysm Nonnie!!! This was a TON of fun to write!#Make sure your taking care of yourself and drinking water— or at least get a snack 🥰#But after the mission Raph was SEETHING…and usually Don tries to talk to Leon instead cuz like he doesn’t want either party being upset#Nor does he want either of them to feel overwhelmed. So when Leo was like “Ur doing this to me again?!” Hes referring to all the times Don#<- has done that#Leo doesn’t like feeling pitied but it’s not Don’s intention to make him feel that way he just loves him family
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not tagging the person bcs i don't want to call anyone out but like,,,, saw this one girl and her post formatting made it even look like a chatgpt generated thing... checked her other stuff to see and they all had that one formatting... thought i'd tell her and like. babe. you turning off asks just about confirms it for me, i mean imma just guess that you noticed lots of asks telling you the same and decided we're sooooooooo mean!! and ignored it
#dick grayson x reader#x reader#jason todd x reader#tim drake x reader#dc comics x reader#i think y'all probably saw her stuff 💀#like i'm anti-ai but i know you can't stop people#most people don't give a shit#about ethics or whatnot#but at least be straight up about it lmao#one last hint#at the time i'm writing this it says she wrote her headcanons three hours ago#honestly insulting tbh. i'd rather read some cringe 12 year old's enthusiastic attempt than your lame copy paste istg#also the fact that it's not even a chatbot. the formatting makes me think it's fucking chatgpt????#mf that's embarrassing even for an ai prompt person#bruhhhhhhhhhh at least use like. a creative writing thing or what you're so embarrassing#tagging another fandom where i notice this too lmao#lads x reader#love and deepspace x reader#sylus x reader#zayne x reader#rafayel x reader#xavier x reader
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when you're into the Big Ship™ in a Big Fandom™, you have the luxury of having an OTP - a real One True Pairing, where you can read about just them for ages, and you will never run out of fics, and everything is perfect and beautiful and nothing hurts
but when you go to a smaller fandom, you'd better pray to whatever god you worship that someone else in this room ships the same thing that you do, and that if they do, they're writing more than late-night crackfic, because you're on thin fucking ice!
and how small is your small fandom? is it less than 100 fics? maybe even...less than 20 fics?
welp, then it's time to make peace with that god and either open up a text document or learn how to ship everything, because it's swim or drown babey! and your ship is sinking fast
anyway all of this is to say that after hanging out in small fandoms and shipping less-common pairings for a while, going back into a Big Huge Fandom™ is wild because suddenly it's like...wait, why didn't I ship these people again? I don't remember. why was I only sticking to one ship in this fandom?? boring of me, honestly. these guys should make out.
#sbs rambles#fandom#fandom stuff#ao3#basically. I hung out in superwholock for so long back in the day#but then I got weird and cool and moved on to smaller and older and stranger fandoms#and decided to throw a party and have fun and enjoy all of the small and weird in those fandoms#and now rewatching media for a big fandom I'm like. huh. sucks to be everyone else I guess. they're missing out on some wild dynamics here#because I'm havin a blast#and like. when I mean small fandoms I mean SMALL#my one fic I wrote for one tv show makes up 25% of that entire fandom on ao3#(double checks)#oh!!!! new fic in the fandom!!!!#my one fic only makes up 20% of that entire fandom on ao3!!!#time to throw a fuckin party! 🎉🎈🎊🥳#anyway it's really funny because based on this some folks are going to assume what ship I'm into in a Big Fandom now#but buds. you can laugh at me#I'm thinkin about sam and cas#what's up with those guys?#fucked up actually. they should hold hands about how much they love dean#:')#but also supernatural is way more fun if you watch it out of order#that's what I've realized#now if only the RNG would give me something in season 1 or 2 T_T#also if you're at the point of reading fic on livejournal or wattpad in the year 202X you've reached ''small fandom'' status#that's the rules
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your yan!noritoshi is so wisnwonwpwjw RAAAHHHH going absolutely feral ... i want him . ive had so many thoughts abt him as like a yandere n then i saw your art n absolutely lost it /pos
IM ALL EARS, BABY!!!!!!!!!!!
GOD FUCK OKAY, HOLD ON, I ALSO HAVE SOME RAMBLES AND THOUGHTS ABOUT YANDERE NORITOSHI BUT IM GOING TO PUT THEM UNDER THE CUT.
I AM IN NO WAY RESPONSIBLE FOR UNLEASHING MY TJOUGHTS OFFICER. IT WAS MY GLORIOUS CULT MEMBER RIGHT HERE.
MERRY OCTOBER YALL
[disclaimer: im not a writer, but I want to get better. think of this as my practice. it ended up being so fucking long, but i swear it's just rambles, not a fic]
[warning for blood under the cut? keep that in mind for future posts]
OKAY LETS GO.
Bro ok so. if I'm not too delusional (yet) and don’t see him as a yandere, then this guy (Noritoshi) is still a strict fuck. he'd put you on the same level of importance as his clan if not a bit higher. but only by a bit. Your relationship would gradually bloom into something meaningful to him that he’d cherish you wholeheartedly. Only then would you grow in importance to Noritoshi significantly. He'd keep his resolve and all those healthy green flags. Because honestly? Noritoshi is just a green flag, he's so sweet..
But let's twist that into a yandere setting. I don't even need to twist too much, Noritoshi as a yandere is way too fitting.
Noritoshi was abandoned by his mother as a child, thereby fueling his lifelong goals to do as she said and bring her back. He didn't even think on his own accord, nor did he try to find a different way, or even follow her! He accepted his fate and made it his mission to accomplish the goal he was given. Despite the intense pressure of his worth being determined by an ability he was born with and the high expectations from the Kamo clan, he perseveres. That is until [spoilers] Noritoshi is exiled by his clan because of some Kenajku shit. All his hard work and future goals were ripped away from him without a second thought in an instant. Noritoshi was always the second thought time and time again, and now left as a man with nothing but the failure of his desired future.
That wasn't even the yandere part, that was all canon, what the fuck.
Yandere Noritoshi is the type to cling to scraps... He reminds me of an obsessive and protective yandere. obsessive about you because you become his everything.. his goal, his will to keep going, the light at the end of the tunnel. he wants all of you, from the best parts of you to your worst. He's also protective, because he cant handle losing yet another person so important to him. He'd rather tear himself apart than lose you.
He also seems mostly self-aware but can overthink to the point of delusion. For example, you pat him on the back and tell him he did a great job on something. He knows it's nothing to dwell on, but why does he feel like there's more to your words? Should he read in between the lines? but there's only one line! From then on, his mind would reel until he landed on a favorable conclusion. You meant that he was the only one who did great. The others paled in comparison in your eyes therefore you must favor Noritoshi in some way.. right?
Since Noritoshi was pretty deprived of any emotional support, you won't even have to try too hard to get his heart thumping. If you were to give him even just a bit more attention and care than the average person, like making sure he's eating alright or remarking that he's paler than usual after restocking his blood bags, he's hooked. He's self-aware enough to realize his blooming fondness for you is one-sided, so he simply admires you. that is, at the start. Note that Noritoshi is still new to these feelings so he's.. awkward. It's really cute.
Though these moments were cute to you, they slowly became horribly blissful to Noritoshi. Poor you, completely unaware of how you're slowly corrupting him in, what he thinks, is the best way possible just by giving him your attention. He thinks you're the last and only person still believing in him, so much so that everything and everyone else slowly becomes minuscule in the grand seam of things. He feels happy around you, like he matters, like he has someone to trust, like he has someone who won't abandon him. Because of this, he sees you as a new goal. A new hope. Failing you is not an option. Disappointing you is not an option. Hell, even a frown from you is unacceptable in his eyes.
Noritoshi tries to cling to you at this point in his own way... He enjoys it when you speak to him, or even sit next to him, so much so that he seeks you out when you're not there. You'd feel eyes boring holes into the back of your head, a sense of being followed, sometimes seeing your shadow accompanied by another, every time you turn around to be surprised by a familiar face. His footsteps are so quiet that you barely notice Noritoshi walking around.
Unfortunately, due to Noritoshi’s inexperience, the only way he knows how to impress people is by being “perfect” a.k.a. his strict, pain in the ass, annoying heir shtick. He would be the type to get on your case, scold, coddle, nitpick, correct you, and practically look like he's trying to bully you when in reality he's trying to hear praise from you for "helping" you. He’s waiting for you to see the affection and adoration behind his nagging, is he not being obvious enough? oh well, at least your eyes are on him for now. When most people in Noritoshi's life have either put him second or flat-out abandoned him, he's satisfied with anything he can get from you. Though he'd prefer praise, the thought of your attention being given to another even for a second makes his stomach feel like it's tying in knots, so he settles for your annoyed tuts and glares.
Of course, after a while, you'd get tired of this and tell him to knock it off. Or some variation of what a decent human being would do like, “Do whatever you want, but don't meddle in people's business.”
You KNOW he's going to be picking that apart in the middle of the night while looking up at the ceiling. What did you mean by that? Do you mean ANYTHING he wants? As long as he doesn’t bother anyone? Were you talking about yourself and everyone in general? Were you talking about someone specific? Did you leave it up for him to decide? Thoughts and questions circle in his head until he twists your words enough into something that he favors again. Ah, you allow him to do whatever he wants so long as he doesn't get in your way. But he wants to be alongside you... Did you mean in your way to the point of annoyance? Noted. From then on, Noritoshi's strictness softened into light nagging and bearable hovering. He'd knock it off completely through gritted teeth and furrowed brows if you threatened him with the silent treatment. He'll slowly start it up again until you begin ignoring him, only then will he get the hint and relax a bit. only until next time, of course.
The intensity of Noritoshi's coddling can fluctuate depending on your actions. (recklessness, obedience, shyness, etc.) it's his love language.
It's a completely different story if someone else decides to nag you as Noritoshi does... If someone scolds you, Noritoshi's on the offense. He's known for his occasional bluntness and sassy remarks, but this time... He's contradicting himself all in an attempt to get the other person to back away. If the one scolding you brings up points Noritoshi used in the past, he firmly denies them all and stands by your side. He'd rather sound hypocritical than let someone else care for you the way he does. Noritoshi stands in front of you, almost guarding you with his body and begins his barrage of deflective comments through his clenched jaw such as “That's not your place to say” “Shut it, they did no wrong.” “You don't know the reason why they did so, leave them alone.” and other things similar to that. Jeez, take your advice Noritoshi.. He’d argue and become antagonistic towards someone scolding you, even if it's exactly what he was about to do.
The same goes for someone who tries to be gentle with you to a lesser degree. It's nice that people see how wonderful you are, but having your smiles and kind words directed at anyone else other than Noritoshi is... Upsetting. The resentment gradually pools in the pit of his stomach and suddenly finds himself impulsively moving towards you and this "friend." He stands in between you and the kind person, trying his best to conceal his sneers. He wants nothing more than to have the third party get swallowed up by the ground or hit by a car, but he keeps his composure. Noritoshi sternly states how he’ll handle everything from then on and gives the third party a glare that's much more hateful than usual… Finally! Noritoshi has you to himself again! All is right in the world once more...
Noritoshi has always been on a very tight rope... Any wrong step and it’s going to snap. The more Noritoshi gets attached to you, the easier it is to convince himself that it's okay to cross certain lines to make sure you're safe with him. Even if that line he’s crossing, includes murder. It'd happen quicker if he caught feelings after the whole incident with the Kamo clan. You'd be the only thing he has left, the only thing he'd cling onto with every fiber of his being, emotionally and sometimes physically.
And like every fairy tale, a problem unconventionally shows itself much to Noritoshi's dismay... Noritoshi is shown to be prideful at times. Because of this, he'd try to conceal his more embarrassing emotions and reactions towards you. He wants to be seen as someone strong you can rely on, a steady pillar to your stability, someone who will do anything you wish at the drop of a hat, but it’s almost impossible to execute when he feels like he's nothing but putty in your hands at the slightest sign of positive reciprocation.
If Noritoshi felt his face heating up because your laugh caught him off guard, he'd turn his head to hide how that simple action made him nearly melt into mush. If your hand brushed against his, he'd quickly swipe it away. Not because he doesn't want to touch you, but because you'd feel how shaky and sweaty his palms got with just a graze. Noritoshi's gaze always lingers on his bow if you ever touch it causing his aim to decline in accuracy significantly.
He mentally curses himself out every time he pulls away from you because he knows he's sending mixed signals. Noritoshi loves you endlessly, but please spare his fragile heart. Your presence overwhelms him like no other, and he's utterly conflicted on how to act. He can handle being by your side like he wants, but the second your 100% focus is on him and only him, he’ll start to squirm under your gaze. Noritoshi wants to impress you! Stop being so mesmerizing for just a second so he can gather his thoughts and not embarrass himself! A-ah, but don't look away!!!
Tl;dr Noritoshi as a yandere is needy and petty as hell, but will explode if he gets an ounce of affection! He’s also! A creepy hopeless romantic who sends you mixed signals!
#kamo noritoshi#kamo noritoshi x reader#yandere kamo noritoshi#noritoshi kamo#noritoshi kamo x reader#yandere noritoshi kamo#jjk#jujutsu kaisen#yandere jujutsu kaisen#i love the energy#the enthusiasm you have is a beautiful thing to see in someone#i also love yandere noritoshi#personally i like softer yanderes that wouldn't intentionally do harm to their darling#even then i doubt noritoshi would even hurt his darling at all#I WROTE SO FUCKING MUCH#RHHRJFG I WANT TO SAY MORE BUT ILL SAVE IT FOR FUTURE POSTS.#I JUST WANTED TO MAKE SURE THIS WASN'T JUST ME CURSING AND KEYBAORD MSASHING#yan noritoshi is also not above stalking. sending love letters. studying you. and all those definate green flags#WHY CANT I SHUT THE FUCK UP#ITS BC THIS TOPIC ENTERTAINS ME#TY ANON FOR BRINGING IT UP#SO SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG#SHOUT OUT TO MY FRIEND LET ME TALK ABOUT THIS AND BOUNCED IDEAS BACK AND FORTH WITH ME THAT ONE TIME#I LOVE YOU FOREVER#now im not saying that every noritoshi in my entire blog is supposed to be seen as still yan noritoshi.. but if you were to think that.#i wouldnt deny it#yanderes arent insane all the time.. so think the cute stuff he does to be the dere... i need to draw the yan more often.. we'll get there.#and if youre wondering#NGL I ATE ON THIS DRAWING. FUCK. IT CAUSE MY PC TO FREEZE SO MANY TIMES BUT THE WORLD HAS TO KNOW ABT YAN NORITOSHI#null rot
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NEW SPIDER DUO AU STUFF we are so back chat
bonus ^_^.. a very messy concept sketch for a panel of a mini comic im thinking of doing of how gregory and vanessa met in the au. however i have no idea what im doing in regards to comic-making so idk if ill be able to make it 💀 im struggling translating the scene i have in my head into comic form but we'll see idk
#i finally fully(?) figured out freddy and roxys stories in this au. Smiles !!!!!!!11!#btw what i wrote on their stuff is just a summary it doesnt have all the details theres more stuff about them.. :3#(id be happy to elaborate on them if anyone asked btw. also happy to answer any questions about the au in general :3333 )#i however have Not figured out the other glamrocks stories for this au. ermmm whatevs !#cam.art#spider duo au#fnaf#fnaf au#fnaf gregory#fnaf vanessa#doublestar duo#roxanne wolf#glamrock freddy#gregs hair is a bit too long in the first drawing it wasnt supposed to be but i fucked up a tad. lmao.
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“What is it, exactly, that you want?” Marius asks.
Daniel watches his face carefully, afraid to speak too soon, or move too fast. Like being caught in a lie, like Marius can see all the way through him.
Arousal doesn’t feel the same as it had when he was alive, but danger does. Sometimes, the stillness in Marius’s face reminds him of how Armand’s simple presence could put a chill in the room.
It used to give him a hardon back then, sick from the blurry line between sex and terror. His adrenaline stopped being able to tell the difference after a while.
Now, though. The way the hair raises on his arms is pleasant. Erotic. Blood rushes to his skin in a warm tingle, all over his entire body, not just focused on his cock anymore.
He shifts in the corner of the couch, afraid to look away. Marius is sitting in the wingback chair near the fireplace, his legs crossed, unmoving as he waits for an answer.
Armand had always looked kind of strange, hadn’t he? Out of place, when he light caught him just right. Too pale. But it was easy to mistake him for human, wasn’t it? If you didn’t look too hard. If you let him hint otherwise.
Marius, though.
Like a cold spot in the room. His presence feels so large, like it can send ripples into the air around him, like it can squeeze around Daniel’s body. It’s always there, in some ways, even when he’s being kind. Warmth and gentleness never really hide it.
What does Daniel want, though? He shrinks beneath the challenge, unsure the answer.
Want you, is sort of the answer. But Marius is so still, unblinking, he isn’t sure he’s brave enough to say it.
He’s been afraid of Marius since they night they met, really.
[read on ao3]
#marius de romanus#daniel molloy#armand#marius/daniel#marius/armand#armand/daniel#marius/armand/daniel#vampire chronicles#stuff i wrote#vamptember#HEY GUYS sorry i fucked up writing vamptembers on time i got caught in a historic hurricane and was without power & wifi lmao#im gonna start x-posting to ao3 now though for safe keeping!
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Guys I am so proud of myself:
I recognised that I was feeling like shit so I did something about it to make myself feel better!!
(i wrote it down and cried)
I also had some fun!! I went on a walk!! I watched a movie!!
I did it guys!!! I dealt with an emotion in a healthy way!!!
#i also made 2 phone calls#picked up antidepressants#wrote 2 paragraphs of my coursework#tidied up so much fucking stuff#and made dinner#how insane is that#wow#rambles#cult rambles#mental health#woop woop!!
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Everytime I look at Tumblr and see the tl I remember why I hate endgame with a passion you couldn't understand.
They fucked up Steve and Bucky so bad (yes, Bucky too bc suddenly he doesn't matter/isn't even a secondary character that deserves to be near Steve)
It's so funny to me (not) bc they talked about gay characters being in the movie at panels and interviews and even talked about Stucky at some point (basically queerbaiting) for then... Steve not even acknowledging Bucky. An awkward and impersonal hug doesn't cut it.
And Steve suddenly yearning and talking about Peggy? When he didn't even mourned her that bad and already had let her go ages ago? They knew they fucked up in CATWS with Steve and Buckys relationship, so they tried to distance them and then inserted Peggy bc ofc
(they possibly didn't have the time for a new character and they already had fucked up pairing Nat and Bruce and Wanda and Vision). Steve didn't have anyone else he cared about so they couldn't give him a new girlfriend. So they used Peggy AGAIN.
I'm not mad bc "Stucky not canon grr"
No.
I'm fucking pissed off because they did the worst character assassination and friendship assassination possible. Every movie of Cap America revolved around Steve saving Bucky at some point and him caring about him above all else, and you want me to believe that Steven Grant Rogers didn't care about him when Bucky died in front of his eyes? AGAIN? That Peggy's death was more important and impactful for him? If that was the case then why the fuck did he crash the plane then? If he cared so much about Peggy since forever?
No, that was just lazy writing and a way to reinforce Steve's sexuality "He can't be gay and you can't say that bc he LOVES PEGGY"(even tho he only kissed her once, even tho he crashed the plane and didn’t give her the coordinates, he didn't really care that much after all) they could have paired him with Nat in later movies, but they didn't.
That's why I only raise my eyebrows a lil when people say that x character will be gay canonically in a marvel movie/series. Is more than possible they won't. And if they are they're Deadpool, a secondary character no one cares about (obscure in lore too, so they can cut them off) or is plain queerbaiting again (because yes, even if you don’t see Steve and Bucky’s relationship as romantic, they DID QUEERBAIT IT)
Steve and Buckys relationship wasn't even written in a romantic way (you can ship them or not), but they tried so hard to rectify Steve's heterosexuality in endgame, that they fucked up their character arcs on purpose. And now they will always feel hollow and inconclusive. A bad taste in the mouth, a painful reminder of what it was and a what? 11 year long? characterization.
Idk man, I know I've talked about this more than three times, but omfg Tumblr reminds me why I hate that fucking movie!!! It's not my fault!!!
I know I'm going to end up writing something out of spite bc I can't take it shdkdjjcif
"It's been more than 4 years get over it" NEVER
Also the bit with Johnny Storm in Deadpool and Wolverine was also a dig (a fuck you if you will) to the fans bc Deadpool explicitly calls him Cap. And it implies that Steve as a character (not that old Steve nonsense) won't be back.
It's funny they've remade over and over again some movies (Fantastic 4, Spiderman) changed actors for characters (James/war machine, Bruce) and they include them in the multiverse/plot, but they won't do the same to some movies and some characters when they fuck up their stories, because they know if they do, they will have to acknowledge WHY they did it. Like with James/war machine changing actors.
So yeah, that's one of the reasons I don't care about Marvel anymore.
**I mean remake the movies ((Also they Can't remake Cap America bc that would mean they need to remake every important movie. And they don't have the time, the money nor the need. So that's why they decided to fuck their character arcs))
or include some characters in multiverse (they're going to do that with Tony/RDJ/Dr Doom after all, no?) and they also won't remake Cap bc the movies are amazing.
But the point stands. Steve couldn't be in DaW bc that would imply he's an alternative one or that Old!Steve was an alternative one or wasn't even Steve to begin with. But they couldn't do that ofc, no, bc that would give the fans hope in seeing Steve and Bucky together once again. So they did a dig at the fans bc "haha you thought it was Steve, but it's Johnny!"
Idk if I'm making sense at this point I'm tired af, need to sleep.
The thing is that they fucked up Steve Rogers's arc on purpose (Bucky's too, and others charas too tbh) and now they expect the fans to accept everything they give us with open arms. And imho I won't accept shit.
"Deadpool saved the MCU" how? If the other og characters are DEAD or they fucked them up too? Or are the butt of the joke now? Don't make me laugh. Most people don't gaf bout the new charas bc they only are presented in series not everyone watches (only available in one place) or are presented with characters that are dead now or as a replacement for the og characters. They aren't interesting on their own (not really, at least in mcu) and that's why most of the new stuff isn't liked as much. If they wanted to present more characters the opportunity passed already.
Also now if you want to watch and really understand 1 movie (if you don't read the comics too) you need to watch like 20 other movies and 5 shows. it's fucking exhausting.
#oh boy here we go again#im once again SCREAMING INTO THE VOID#anti endgame#anti marvel#i wrote this on twt originally#im really pissed off still#and so so tired#steve rogers#I don’t count X men bc the fucking timeline is more complicated than my brain can process rn#also weren’t they dead too?#idk I can’t remember atm#and I haven’t watched the movies in ages#the thing is I feel cheated bc they fucked up Steve and Buckys relationship specifically#and I can’t accept that and I really cant see Sam and Bucky suddenly being buddy buddy with each other either so TFAWS is a NO for me#also a notp noe bc people LOVE to hate on Steve and shit on him while they write stuff#also why I don’t believe anything Marvel says about having gay characters#if they really cared about representation or shit they would have assumed Steve was gay or at least bisexual or Buckysexual#but they queerbaited the shit out of the promos to give us that big fuck you in the end#and THEY KNEW they fucked up with CATWS because they went from theyre best friends to theyre kinda codependent in like an unhealthy amount#I mean assume in the other tag in a shit we fucked up ok well he’s this now kinda way#if you think about it Steve and Bucky are the almostonly characters that could be canonically gay or bi in the MCU (deadpool doesn’t count)#because they don’t have significant relationships with other people and even less with women#maybe Natasha? but they paired her with Bruce… when he has a relationship with Betty#THEY SHOT THEMSELVES IN THE FOOT AND BLAMED US#basically they got mad at us and broke their own toy bc they had a tantrum#so fuck you russo brothers#fuck you mcu#To the Tony isn’t straight crowd… they paired him with women only in MCU if I remember correctly#and yes I cant see Sam and Bucky as a couple#not sorry and if you ship them great! But i wont interact and not going to follow you bc i really can’t tolerate thst ship
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Travelling with Martin the second time is more an ordeal than it was the first.
There’s the Blades tagging along with them, now, with their elaborate plans and zealous concern; every time any one of them takes a step they rattle like tin cans, so loudly that if any of the cult is trying to track them down it’s a wonder they’re not all gutted already. Then there’s all the extra bits the Blades insist on – like tents, which Pax is by no means opposed to but slows them down ridiculously, always needing to be set up at night and taken down first thing in the morning, or the horses, which speed them up but Pax resents, all the same. (They always need breaks to rest or eat or what have you, and riding for too long sets them aching to hell, their legs and hips and stomach all quavering with exertion. Pax rides the same horse they found halfway through their first journey with Martin, and she is getting more familiar than she ever wanted to be with its little snorts and stomping gestures. Martin keeps patting it on the nose whenever they’re down on the ground again. Martin rides the paint horse, too – it’s two to a steed, plus bags, which Pax knows would be enough to snap their spines like dried-out twigs but of course the Blades have spelled saddles. Feathered, Martin says, like Pax has any idea what that means.) They all spend as much of the day riding as they can without the horses withering away and dropping dead, unable to divert at all from the roads without riding face-first into a tree branch, the Blades getting all serious and severe at any passing glimpse of another traveller, or the edge of a town, or a suspicious-looking boulder. It’s fucking exhausting. Maybe if they’d dressed Martin in something less impractically fancy, and left their glittering armour behind, they wouldn’t all be so conspicuous. Pax is the only one here with any sense.
In Blackwood, the trees don’t sprawl so low down; you can ride horses well off the road as long as you’re careful of the muck. For the first leg of the first trip with Martin, they didn’t have horses at all – they both just walked, past razed fields and empty buildings, the span of land around Kvatch near entirely abandoned, scrounging what they could and sleeping wherever they wanted. They couldn’t proper restock on supplies until they hit Skingrad – certainly didn’t have tents or armour that reflects every whisper of starlight so bright it blazes, and they were fine. It all feels unnecessary. And annoying. This close to the end, all the little extra things to pay attention to make Pax want to jump out of his skin.
Because they are close to the end. They’re in the denouement, now.
The Blades set up a watch routine, too – everyone crawls into their superfluous tents and leave one person up to keep an eye out, until they wake the next person for their turn, and so forth. Pax hasn’t done watch shifts like this since he left Blackwood. (It doesn’t really work, when you’re alone. Besides, he wakes easy, and he goes to sleep quick. Martin’s bad at it, so swapping watch back and forth when they were together just would have left him confused or lethargic the next day. Not worth the bother.) Pax gets watch shifts, most nights, set in the dark hours just before the sun rises; Martin, though he asks, doesn’t get any. Pax usually wakes him up, instead of whoever else she’s supposed to. It isn’t like he has anything he needs to be especially well-rested for – just sitting on a horse in an enchanted double saddle, same as the rest of them, his too-long hair getting in his face, careful arms loops around Pax’s middle. He won’t even take a turn to direct the bloody thing, because he still hasn’t learned how – the fact that he’s never managed to fall off is a damned miracle, honestly.
So she wakes him up, if the Blades won’t – and she doesn’t usually go back to sleep, right after, because there doesn’t seem all that much point. They both stay up, around whatever burnt-down firepit was constructed in the night, the small tents arrayed around them; the leaves of the trees rustle, flickered through by some small animal, owl or bat or squirrel living in a hollow. Crickets chirp, loud and endless. It would probably be peaceful, if it could be, but Pax is keyed up, taut as a bowstring ready to snap, and he can’t really remember how to feel peaceful anymore. They’re getting ever-closer to the capital and the temple and the end of this whole strange, terrifying thing, and he wants it over and done with instead of lurking in this strange in-between space. They’ve all done so much to fix this and none of it will feel like any kind of accomplishment until the fires are lit and the Gates closed and sealed beyond reopening. It’s almost, almost, almost done – but it’s not the end yet, and in the quiet night all there is to do is waiting, and Pax, antsy, irritable, is very, very bad at waiting.
Martin’s better at it. Which isn’t to say he’s not nervous – he’s all nerves, even more than normal, which is really saying something – but he’s patient, and doesn’t complain, even though Pax knows he wants it over just as much as they do. Probably more. (Definitely more.) He just sits, in the dark and the dew, all quiet and watchful in just his undershirt and warm wool trousers, and even those are fancy, all fine-sewn and slippery as water to the touch. They wear oddly on him. He keeps the Amulet tucked under his clothes, cold metal setting against bare skin, and the red gleam beneath his shirt makes it look, at certain angles, like his heart is glowing.
The fire is well out; no owls call. Pax lies, in their own much less swish sleeping-things, in the dirt and grass, all of it wet so thoroughly with dew that it soaks the back of their tunic. Through the silhouettes of leaves and branches, they can just make out the lustre of the stars.
The old Emperor talked an awful lot about stars, when Pax met him; she wonders, vaguely, what he’d make of these ones.
There’s a shifting, up nearer the firepit; and, “Pax?” Martin whispers, sound half-swallowed by the still, drifting night. “Are you awake?”
“It’s sopping wet,” Pax replies. He props himself up on his elbow and turns his head; Martin’s got a lantern lit, and it’s just enough to make out his face by. “Even I’ve got my limits.”
Martin exhales; Pax knows he’s smiling because they can see the dim white gleam of his teeth. It’s not too cold a night – they’ve travelled far enough from Bruma to be clear of its sodden snow and ice and winds – but it’s not warm, and the wet fabric plastered to their back is chill enough to make them shiver. The stars, up above, shine cold and clear.
“I was wondering,” Martin says, voice still hushed; his eyes flicker up to the snatches of sky between the tree branches, too. “What will you do, when all this is done?”
It’s a perfectly reasonable question; Pax realises, quite abruptly, that doesn’t have an answer. She sits up, shuffles awkwardly over the dewy grass. “I don’t know,” she says slowly; she shrugs. “Go back to the roads, I s’pose. Get some venturing work. Join a guild, maybe, if I get bored.”
(They haven’t thought about it; they’ve been busy. A part of them – quite a large part, if they’re being honest – kind of wishes the Crisis would never end, one way or the other. Wishes it would keep on in this sort of suspended state forever. But it won’t, and it can’t, and it would be ridiculous to say as much. Just – they’ve never done anything this exciting, before. And they don’t really know anything that could measure up, once it’s done.)
(Pax has never really been one to plan for the future. Back in Blackwood, he didn’t have to; he knew he’d just run with the same crew he always had, and he learned only from them. Learned letters and archery and what dregs of mage-craft he had any aptitude for – learned to scamp on the roads and crack locks reasonably well. And then he left, and became a hero, and that’s a good occupation in itself, but it’s not going to last forever. He’s not sure what his other options are – he could try to work square, but he doesn’t think it would last. He’s not one suited to an apprenticeship, or an honest job, or much of anything, really. The only thing he really knows is this.)
In the lanternlight, the shadows are so stark that Martin’s face looks creased with ink. “Oh? What guild? Fighters? Thieves?”
“Thieves’ Guild wouldn’t take me,” Pax tells him loftily; they wriggle a bit closer, goose-pimples rising on their shins. “They don’t like independent operators, and I’ve been one since I was born.”
Martin clucks his tongue. “You can’t say things like that around me, Pax. I’ll have to have you arrested.”
“Like you could,” Pax tells him, grinning, and leans over about as far as she can reach to elbow him. She has to lever herself back up, afterwards. The watery-pale stars are winking at her.
Martin is looking up at them again. “There’s always work for a hero, I’m sure,” he says, and waves a hand. “You’ll have endless people to save and feats of derring-do to perform. Perhaps you could write an autobiography.”
“Ha.” Martin’s received their letters, sent on longer stretches away from Cloud Ruler; he’s read their writing, their chicken-scratch hand and the less than delicate way they pick their words. Pax is fine enough as a communicator; they get to the point quickly and clearly. But metaphor and flowery prose is rather beyond them. And they’ve seen the speech Martin gave in Bruma, the endless editing of his drafts, debate over this word or that. “You know you’re the better writer of the two of us, Martin Priest. Reckon you should pen our book.”
Martin tips his head further back. “I wasn’t even there for most of the interesting parts,” he points out, “and I’m sure to be far too busy, besides.” His eyes are closed. Pax shunts themself another bit across the grass.
“Oh, I’m sure you can take a half-hour every evening to scribble out a few paragraphs in your four-poster bed and your kingliest pyjamas,” he says, unsympathetic, and flicks him in the shoulder. “With a silk canopy, and duckling-down blankets, and a pen nib of solid gold.”
“All right, all right.” Martin opens his eyes; they look grey, in the dim light, the orange lanternlight flickering off their whites. He reaches out an arm, and Pax rolls his eyes but shuffles damply into it all the same. “I suppose I have no choice.”
His arm, settled around their shoulders, is heavy-warm. Pax leans their shoulder into his ribs, under his armpit. This close, they can see the faint gleam of the Amulet through his undershirt. Quiet, they ask, “Still nervous?”
Without missing a beat, Martin replies, “Excruciatingly.”
He’s always nervous. But on this, Pax can’t even really make fun of him for it – if someone told her that she was the heir to the whole Empire, and tried to thrust her into court to take it all over, she’d tell them to eat shit. If the fate of the world depended on it, though, that wouldn’t really be an option anymore. And Martin’s too nice, most of the time, to tell anyone to eat shit. And Martin’s too nervous not to take every bit of it so painfully seriously. Not just the world-ending bit, but all the etiquette and legalese, too. Jauffre gave him some books to read to try to acquaint himself with it all; none of them seemed to help much.
“You’ll be fine,” Pax says, and leans their head on his shoulder, the post of their earring jabbing into the skin behind their ear. They gesture out at the silhouetted tents. “You’ve got all this lot, and the Elder Council – they’ll help you out. If they won’t let you take a piss by yourself they’ll definitely be there to assist with the stuff that’s actually important.” Martin exhales; it’s almost a laugh. The earring is beginning to hurt quite badly, so Pax lifts their head. “Besides, you’re trying. You want to get it all right. That’s more than some would do.”
“Thank you, Pax,” Martin says, and then they’re both quiet.
The stars above look watery-dim. The silhouettes of trees have slightly more dimension. Martin is pressing his palm, fingers splayed, to the smooth-cut bump of the Amulet under his shirt. Pax is still shivering, a bit – lying her whole back down in the dew was a bad idea. Now she’ll have to wear her one other tunic and hope this one dries out in time not to wet everything else in the bags.
“I hope,” Martin says, voice silver-soft in the dark, “that when you’re out roaming, shocking everyone with your valour and intrepidity, you’ll come to visit a great deal. You won’t have the excuse of being out saving the world anymore.”
Pax leans her shoulder harder into his ribs. “Only if you’re not boring when I’m there,” she replies. “You won’t have the excuse of saving the world either.”
“No,” Martin says. “I’ll be running it instead.”
Already, the stars are beginning to snuff themselves out, like candle-lights; in half an hour or so, the sky will start to lighten properly. The Blades will all wake, springing up like little clockwork puppets, and the tents will be packed up, and the horses saddled – they’re tied on slack ropes to trees down the other end of the clearing, and now, if Pax squints, he can just make them out – and then the day will begin, the timer trickling down.
Pax wets his lips. “Three more days,” he says. “Thereabouts.”
Then they’ll reach the city.
Martin breathes out, slow. “Then I’ll really be Martin Septim.”
The Amulet glows under his shirt, royal-red, rising and dimming like a heartbeat. If Pax hadn’t been arrested, that day – by chance, for one of the few robberies they actually didn’t commit – then they wouldn’t have been taken to the gaol, dribbling blood all over the floors, antagonising the guards trying to mark them down in the records, and they wouldn’t have ended up in that dust-coated cell with the shitty neighbour across the way, and the old Emperor would never have glanced at them twice, and the door never would have opened, and they wouldn’t be here.
Pax is not one for gratitude, generally, but they have never been so thankful to be falsely imprisoned in their life.
“My census name’s Camilla Patesco,” he says.
He’s looking at the first watery dregs of dawn in the sky, not at Martin’s face; but he can hear the smile in his voice when he replies, “I won’t tell anyone.”
#FAY WRITING JUMPSCARE.#I don't know if this is any good honestly - it's a rewrite of an old piece and I wrote it too recently to be able to judge#but it's been forever since I posted anything so. I'll toss it up regardless#because I have been thinking about them a great deal#I should get to posting all the fucked up miserable stuff. it's been in my docs for ages#I need to get on that#anyway#hope you enjoy!#the elder scrolls#tesblr#tes#oc tag#pax#martin septim#oblivion#microfic#my writing#fay writes#two weirdos. sitting in the dewy dark. what weird little conversations will they have
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also just for the record. no matter how much utterly stupid shit i say or draw about him, frank actually makes me so deeply sad. this old man should be picking up his grandkids but he cant. i think about him too much and im so sad
#marvel#frank castle#the punisher#this is true for like most of these guys [gestures vaguely to comicbook men] but frank is the one that makes me want to chew on rocks rn. s#like yeah i selfship with him for fun and i like to think about cutesy or funny stuff involving him but the reality is he makes me so sad#ig thats part of why i do it. you make me so sad old man. but youre not real so in some version of not real you can be a little better#not happy but yk better#but like. just. fuck man hes so deeply damaged and hurt it drives me up the wall. my hurt person hurting people#as always i struggle to string words together this isnt news if you know anything about him you know exactly what im getting at#he would have been a wonderful father and husband. the way hes so devoted to them still. always. its killing me#sometimes i see canon moments of him where how just fundamentally deeply broken as a person he is and augh#nothing can help you nothing can make things any better but my god you cannot be left alone in this state#eh maybe thats it. i cant help him i cant make him feel better. but i cant let him be alone like this#i dont think he should have to be alone like this#bleh sorry word vomit. im tired and sleepy. i wrote 4 essays this week. need to write 2 more. going a little bonkers#brain is fried.
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It's actually kinda sexy of Caleb & Evelyn to haunt the narrative so thoroughly while never having any speaking lines or even appearing on screen outside of 400yr old repressed memories, delusions, and/or hyped up folklore
We don't even know for sure if Evelyn was a Clawthorne, or what she looked like, or how the fight between Caleb and Philip went down, or Caleb's reasons for leaving without Philip, or what their half witch half human baby looked like, or how long after Caleb left before Philip found him again, or what Evelyn did when she discovered her dead lover's grave was robbed, or how quickly after killing Caleb did Philip decide "I can make a new Caleb that's Better™"
We have scraps to give us pretty good ideas for most of these, but nope they really just haunt with no reward. Like yeah babes give us nothing!
#toh#toh spoilers#remember how it took all the way til KT to hear belos drop the name ''caleb'' but then the subtitles wrote it wrong so it became even more#of a theory fight & then it took until TTT for fucking masha to explicitly name drop caleb AND evelyn???? AND give us any scraps of lore???#like we had so much foundation for it all but it took til the 3rd to last episode to finally confirm SOME of it & it was done in a way#that is unreliable bc its all legend & thats so hilarious in a mean way#caleb wittebane#evelyn clawthorne#philip wittebane#LIKE YEAH WE CAN SAFELY ASSUME MOST OF THIS STUFF BUT ITS NEVER ACTUALLY EXPLICT. THE GRAYNESS OF IT ALL#tc posts#my last hyperfixation before s2b aired & toh seized my life again was dgs & IT DOES THE SAME THING THERE IS ALSO A TRIO OF 2 MEN 1 WOMAN#THAT HAUNT THE NARRATIVE & THE WOMAN IS NEVER FULLY NAMED OR FULLY SHOWN & THE TWO MEN ALSO HAVE A DUEL TO THE DEATH LIKE. & NO WE GET#BASICALLY NOTHING ON ANY OF THEM EXCEPT HOW MUCH THEIR DEATHS FUCKED EVERYTHING UP. THEY HAUNT THE NARRATIVE SO MUCH#its a ''2 nickels which isnt a lot but its weird it happened twice in a row'' situation for me tbh#yes im disappointed we didnt get a fuller pic of the wittebane lore but also i kinda like its a vague thing of the past bc thats what it is
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