#I would love to disappear for a few days because my anxiety is fucking me up

[graveyarrdshift]

Sometimes I can't believe that some people think christmas is the best and most joyous time of the year. The way they automatically almost loathe others for not celebrating it is so ridiculous. I don't celebrate any holidays, like at all. I've been struggling with christmas for many years, it makes me feel depressed, overwhelmed and only reminds me of childhood trauma.

[sweatervest-obsessed]

hello !! rn i'm in the mood for some angst with a happy ending so can i request something where reader's got really bad abandonment issues? 🥹 maybe they fight over something which makes r leave ++ spence is confused bc it's so sudden n unlike them but it's all bc theyre scared he'll leave first n then it's just lots n lots of reassurance🥹🥹 thank you!!

Obsessed.

Thank you for the ask!!

So I wrote you this gorgeous 1k fic. I was so fucking proud of it. And then my computer deleted the WHOLE THING (which is why I am so behind on responding to this lmao). But. I rewrote as much of it as possible, and then changed and added a few things. So now it's better than before.

I really enjoy this version ,and I hope you do too!! so please enjoy!!!!!

WC: 1.5k

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Reader

TW: Anxiety, depression, intrusive thoughts, self-destructive tendencies, swearing, abandonment issues lmao

“What do you mean….”

You couldn’t look at him. How could you? I mean, leaving the love of your life because you know he could never love you back in the way you love him. He’d just leave anyways.

They all do.

You’re just trying to minimize the pain.

But why did it hurt so fucking much.

Which was why you kept your gaze anywhere but him.

“I-I-I—“ You kept your gaze on the ground. “I can’t do t-this anymore Spencer.”

“Can’t do what. Y/n you aren’t making any sense. What’s going on?”

You should you head. “It’s over. Spencer.”

"Y/n what are you..."

Looking at the ground, you began to fidget, something about his gaze on you was making he whole situation worse. Originally you were going to just send him a text and disappear for the rest of your life, but he came home early. He wasn't supposed to be home for another day.

"Spencer I-I." You flexed your hands, trying to find the right words. "It's done Spence. I can't.."

"You can't what?" His voice was a whisper. You could hear the heartbreak in his voice, but you wouldn't dare look at him. If you looked at him, you would cave and stay and he would take your heart in his hands and crush it to dust.

But why did this hurt so much?

"What is going on Y/n. Talk to me."

You couldn't understand why he was being so caring. Why was he so fucking perfect. It felt like a sick joke that the universe gave you this perfect man, and then put the sinking feeling in your gut when it got too good. Like something was going to go wrong.

And you wanted to be ahead of it. Start the grieving process now before you got too deep.

It's too late for that anyways.

His voice was soft. He didn't move towards you. He didn't want to 'spook' you---he knew you so well.

You know him so well.

Clearly, whatever tactic you had tried to employ when he came home, wasn't working, so you decided to shift. You shifted to the anger resting in your gut. The hot and heavy coals that burned through your skin and made you seeth with anger.

"Y/n, please, look at me."

You couldn't. And he fucking knew that too. You stormed past him and towards the bedroom.

Spencer was speechless, completely unsure as to what was going on.

When he arrived home you had been shoving things into your suitcase, but then when you saw him you froze up and started to try and break up with him.

"Talk to me. What is going on?"

You ignored him and started to pull clothes out of their respective drawers and onto the bed you two shared. It was hectic, and aggressive. You were slamming things, stomping--anything to hide the slight tremor in your hands, and make you seem bigger than you were.

"Y/n!"

His voice made you jump but it didn't stop you. You took the pang of guilt in your stomach and tried to twist it into the anger you so desperately tried to justify.

Spencer slowly moved over to you and tried to take you hand.

"NO." You threw the small pile of clothes you had just taken from the closet on to the ground and pulled away quickly. "No Spencer god. Wh-what don't you fucking get. We're done. It's over."

Spencer rarely heard you raise your voice, let alone yell, and definitely never at him. But you weren't even looking at him.

You fucking hated it when he profiled you. It made your skin crawl when you felt his eyes roaming over you. "Look at me."

His voice wasn't hateful. It wasn't angry. It was soft, understanding.

God why did he have to make this so fucking hard.

"Y/n..."

"Spencer. Stop."

You felt the moment he realized what was happening in your brain., You weren't the easiest to read, but you weren't exactly a closed book either.

"Look at me."

You looked up and made eye contact with him, hoping that the last part of your will would hold strong, and get you through this.

Spencer's eyes were filled with worry and disbelief. You saw the swarm of emotions as he locked eyes with you. But behind all of the disbelief and concern and love and pain was fear. You could see the pain he was so desperately trying to hide from you.

You know him so well.

Spencer could see the straight fire in yours. They were lit with a facade of anger and pain and hatred. But you could never hate Spencer. Never. And he saw right through it. He could see the panic in your eyes. The pure terror and pain.

You hated that he knew you so well.

"Y/n..."

He took one step forward, not trying to corner you, but trying to get closer to you. You took one step back.

"No." You shook your head.

"Please just talk to me."

Fuck him. Fuck him and his stupid wonderful voice and his kind eyes and his love and the way he knows exactly how you take your tea in the morning and all of your favorite books and why you love the 2005 adaptation of Pride and Prejudice so much and what animals you wanted to have one day and why you hated spiders and the ocean so much and which museums and monuments you had on your bucket list. Fuck this man for loving you so hard, and making you want to spend every single moment of your life with him.

"I-I--" and fuck him for making your voice crack. You took another small step backwards.

"Please." Another step forward.

This time, all you could do was shake your head and break eye contact. You were tensing up the closer he got to you.

"Y/n."

"N-No" You chooked on your own voice. A single tear broke through and slide down your cheek.

"Baby please..." Another step. "Just talk to me. What's going on?"

That was the final straw for you.

The dam broke, and tears poured down your face. You let out the most heartbreaking sob that Spencer could have never imagined.

His arms were quickly around you, catching you and bringing you both down to the floor, where he held you against his chest.

You shook your head and tried to escape from his grasp, but he just held on tighter to you, not letting you go. Spencer could never let you go, he just didn't know how to tell you that.

Through your tears, you started to hyper ventilate. Spencer wouldn't let you leave his arms. It felt like a boa constrictor. You couldn't breathe.

You started to panic, not taking in as much air as you should, causing your head to get dizzy. You tugged on Spencer's arms as he tightened his grip on you, determined to keep you safe in his arms while you got whatever it was out of your system.

You screamed at him to let you go. He didn't respond, only holding you against his chest and you angrily slammed your hands against it.

Why was he so fucking perfect. Why couldn't he just let you leave and walk away.

Fuck.

Once your breathing had started to even out a bit, Spencer adjusted the two of you, still on the ground, so that you were straddling his lap with your arms around his neck.

Surrounding you was all of your clothes thrown about, and your suit case barely filled with anything.

He didn't say anything, just continued to rub his thumb against your hip, letting you come down from whatever sort of panic you just went through.

He held you close to his body, deciding in that moment to never let you go, ever.

You felt the world slow down. Time melted beneath you as the sun rose and set, the moon waxed and waned, The leaves browned and fell of the trees, and the earth stopped spinning at the end of time and all of the stars had died out. The world had stopped but you were still in Spencer's arms.

"I don't know..." He whispered in your ear, and the world started to turn again. "What just happened in your head--"

You tried to speak up but he just shushed you gently. "But we don't have to talk about it until you're ready."

You nodded.

What did you do in this world to deserve this man?

"Why don't we make some tea?" He whispered, and you just nodded again, holding onto Spencer as if the floor was going to give out and cause you to fall through the pits of hell and judgment, away from one another.

Neither of you went to move, finding peace in one another's arms.

While Spencer truly had no idea what just occurred, or why it occurred, he was still sitting here with you. And while you owed Spencer an apology and an explanation, he was still sitting here with his arms wrapped around you, kissing your shoulders.

Spencer Reid was going to stay with you for as long as you'd let him, and he would do anything to get you to see that, even if it meant sitting on the floor of your shared bedroom, holding you until the stars burned out and the world stopped spinning.

[haikyuuhoo]

painfully obvious

pairing: gojo x reader

wc: 1k

warnings: none, just some mutual pining between two blind high school love birds

a/n: I will always be soft for this man. He deserves the whole world.

“Hey, buddy!”

Satoru pauses in his descent to his seat, holding his food inches above the table where you all eat lunch together. Normally, Satoru would relish the sound of your voice, would bask in that tone that sounds so excited to see him, but not today. No, today he can’t think about any of that because he’s hung up on that word, that nickname that sounds so absurd that he can’t help but let out an incredulous “Huh?” before he’s even finished sitting down.

Suguru chuckles at his best friend, and now it’s your turn to pause, finally noticing the way Satoru’s staring at you, eyes wide behind his sunglasses and eyebrows raised up so high they nearly disappear into his hairline.

“What?” you ask, eyes darting around the table at your friends. Shoko’s smirking beside you, looking at where Satoru’s finally sitting down and shaking her head.

Satoru presses his lips together, picking up his chopsticks and waving a dismissive hand. “Nothing, it’s whatever,” he huffs, beginning to eat his lunch with a dramatic pout on his face.

You turn in your seat to face Shoko, registering the way she tilts her head so her hair falls in a way to hide that she’s laughing. “What’s so funny?”

“Nothing, nothing.” You can hear the grin in her tone as she stands up. “I’m gonna go for a smoke. Wanna join?” She gestures the pack toward Suguru and he wordlessly stands up, but you can still see the corners of his lips curving upward. “Be back in a few!” Shoko calls over her shoulder, and the two of them begin to walk away, leaving you and Satoru alone at the table.

You frown, turning your attention back to Satoru and his pout that has somehow gotten even more pronounced. “Did I do something wrong?”

He looks up at you, face a mask of seriousness before he loudly blurts, “You called me buddy!”

You reel back, eyebrows pinching together in confusion. “Okay, and? You’re my friend, did you want me to say ‘hey, asshole’ instead?”

Satoru groans, tipping his head back. “No, but I’ve been spending weeks hanging out with you and listening to the music you like and watching every show you mention and just fucking trying to show you that I like you and you just called me buddy! And that just proves that you don't like me, because you would never call someone you like buddy!”

You blink at him, frozen in shock and cheeks tingling with heat. “You like me?” The words barely come out as a whisper.

Satoru looks down at you over the tops of his glasses with another pout, this one much smaller and—honestly—much cuter than the one he was wearing earlier. “I thought it was pretty obvious,” he admits, and the low tone of his voice makes your stomach flip.

You play with your fingers nervously under the table. “I, uh— I guess I’ve just been so stressed out lately, you know, since we're going on missions practically every other day…” you trail off, waving your hand above your head. “I haven’t been sleeping well and I can barely focus anymore and… I guess I just didn’t notice,” you murmur.

He looks away. “It’s fine, I just— yeah. It’s not a big deal.” Satoru props his elbow on the table and puts his chin in his hand, doing his best to school his features into a mask of nonchalance. “I’ll get over it. Ya know, the whole being in the friendzone thing. Because that’s what we are—we’re friends! And it doesn’t need to be weird now, because we are friends, and we've always been friends, and I’ll just… yeah.” Silence falls between you two, and Satoru clears his throat self-consciously to cut through it.

And you push past your nerves, reaching across the table to gently tug on the edge of his sleeve so you can put your hand on top of his. “You don’t have to.”

His gaze cuts back toward you, letting you pull his hand down to rest on the table. “Huh?”

You close your eyes, and before the anxiety can overwhelm you, you say, “You don’t have to… ‘just yeah.’ We, um… We can be more than friends. I… I would really like that, actually. I just know you’re really friendly with everybody and I didn’t want to get my hopes up about anything so I didn’t say anything because I really like spending time with you and I didn’t wanna make it weird and make you want to stop hanging out with me because I miss you when we aren't on missions together and because I…” You swallow past the lump in your throat, doing your best to get the rest of the words out before your voice fails you.  “Because I like you. I really, really like you.”

Satoru’s eyes are wide by the time you’re done rambling, and he lifts his hand out from under yours so he can cup your face. “Can I…?”

And you open your eyes, shocked by how close he is to you, but you don’t pull away. Instead, you nod, and when you feel Satoru press his lips gently against yours, warmth floods your body. He’s gone nearly as quickly as he came, but now there’s a lovesick smile on his face as he looks at you, and the two of you barely notice your friends sitting back down, not until Suguru slaps his hand on Satoru’s back with a “Hey, buddy!” that makes you two pull apart.

Satoru scowls at him, shoving Suguru's shoulder so hard as he sits down that he nearly falls out of his seat, but Suguru's just laughing loudly at the way Satoru immediately begins whisper-shouting at him, things like "don't call me that!" and "nearly gave me a heart attack, you dick!"

Shoko knocks her shoulder against yours as she retakes her seat, a knowing smile on her face. “You know, both of you were so painfully obvious.”

[candyunicornsateme]

Please feed me mccormick angst. Give me your headcanonssssssss

Okay so like my main usual ideas are not extremely grim but generally pretty dismal and depressing like.

Kevin to me is like the type to steal some money from Kenny for some random thing and maybe Carol will say "hey don't do that" but nothing comes of it and there's no getting it back. I also see him "borrowing" Kenny's stuff in general like his PSP and Kenny has to hide it from him. He's not really intentionally an asshole but he's kinda a pain in the ass stupid older brother that adds to Kenny's stress occasionally. Yanno what I mean.

Also just see Kevin as the one to move out and disappear as soon as he's old enough to. Probably has the most tension with their dad, because... he's white trash and fights back? I guess? Which is compounded by one of the few scenes of him there is in the show. There's really not much to go off of with him in the show either so there's that too, so I am generalizing to a degree.

Kenny's dad is almost always a major touchy spot and source of issues, not just for Kenny. Like it's kind of a given. Most of the physical fighting happens between his parents especially when alcohol is involved, but I really have a hard time not thinking there'd be a few incidents if shit gets really bad. Like booze and drugs??? Some shit's bound to really blow up.

I normally picture Kenny not having many, if any, physical altercations with his dad, but I think his dad would totally just start bitching at him a lot of times, being jaded and complaining about money and demanding shit ("you have so much time to go hang with your friends you could be making money to pay for all this food you kids fucking eat"). Kenny generally ignores him, but it's anxiety inducing and at worst extremely frustrating. There's a lot more negative memories than good and I always see Kenny having some really fucked up internalized anger because he would leave instead of lashing out. Even grown up he wouldn't confront unless it was to protect someone else from getting hurt.

Like Kenny doesn't hate him but he wishes both his dad and his mom could stop drinking and taking their anger out on each other at the very least.

But maybe sometimes he does hate him. We can have a little hate and violence as a treat.

Carol is just stuck and forced to pick up the slack working long evening shifts and stuff like that, so no one's around to make the kids dinner, and she's usually too tired or checked out drinking, or arguing with Stuart on other days, to do too much. So homecooked meals are very rare, cleaning is sparse, and most times she just looks so tired and defeated just barely getting by. She expresses love and affection more, and the worst she would intentionally do is smack Kenny's arm. Sometimes she gives Kenny some tough love type of scolding, which could be a little something he can relate to with Kyle. Sometimes she sounds so sad though when she says nice things like that Kenny's her "sweet little boy", like she knows he's forced to look after himself and help look after Karen.

Kenny will come home late at night from hanging with friends or anything and his mom will be passed out alone on the couch on her stomach, just the glow of the old TV flickering some late-night infomercial no one's watching and reflecting on empty bottles and crap on the coffee table and Kenny just sighs. (This scene has been on my drawing list for years but at this point fuck it lmao)

Given their parents being like that, Karen grows up very anxious and unsure, and Kenny really is her rock until she gets older. :(

And KenNY... The idea of him fucking taking on the parentified child role and having to keep his shit together because he's gotta look out for Karen. He's gotta do shit like get Karen medicine when she's sick. Goes to the laundromat to clean their clothes because they don't have functioning machines at home (been there, it sucks). And he doesn't say shit about any of it, not the bruises, not the severity of drinking, not the having to escape his house because of the yelling. Until suddenly one day out of the blue he'll laugh and say his dad would've beat his ass if he did xyz and then doesn't explain or mention it again.

Yeah. Like that :)

BUT DON'T GET ME WRONG. I think more wholesome, nice stuff with all them is good too lol. I promise. I don't want anyone to assume this means I think other ideas/interpretations are "wrong". Kevin could be a derpy well-meaning brother too. Yanno.

Like I wish I could look at them and not only think of domestic violence and not wanting to be home, but like I said in my other post, my old edgelord hcs of yesteryear remain most heavily in Kenny's family. I just really love me some Kenny angst like that lol.

[hushedlover]

Xavier comforting reader who’s just been really emotional lately?

Ur page is so aesthetically pleasing by the way 🫶🏻

literally having a breakdown rn so this is perfect </3

also thank you so much I try to make it look nice hahaha

You were shaking and your eyes were watering and everything was so loud and everything made you want to cry. It had been like this for at least a week. It felt like forever. Rationally you knee you hadn't always felt like this, it had only been a little while of the emotional rollercoaster. But it felt like ages.

Because of this, you had been avoiding your oh-so-lovely boyfriend. Xavier. just the thought of him made the tears start to form even faster. you missed him. you felt so guilty. but once the onslaught of emotions started you didn't know what to do. So you locked yourself in your room, throwing some excuse about being sick at your teachers and friends. You had stuck with this for 3 days now.

The past days had been filled with crying, tossing and turning in bed, more crying, throwing things around the room in anger, guilt, more crying, and finally, a few short hours of sleep before it all repeated. Currently, you were in the guilt stage. Rocking yourself back and forth in your bed, wrapped in a blanket with only your face showing. You were being consumed by your thoughts. Guilt, shame, anxiety, and insecurities flow over you in waves. You were gasping for breath through the waters of emotions, looking for anything to save you. You thought it would never come. But it did. A knock at your door.

That was weird. Your roomate had told your friends not to bother you and she would just walk in. Who would be at the door? Your question was answered when a voice called through the wood.

"Hello? Babe I know you're in there."

Shit. Xavier.

You searched through your piles of blankets to find your phone, only to see the 27 missed texts and 18 missed calls from the boy. Cursing you threw the phone down and padded your way to the door.

"go away xavier," you called tentatively.

"No. We need to talk."

You're heart clenched with anxiety.

oh no he's angry. he's gonna break up with you. moron. you knew it would happen. you're not good enough for him. not like Bianca. he's better with her, he-

You didn't remember opening the door, but suddenly xavier was pushing his way past you and into your room. He was already spewing words.

"I talked to all your friends, all your teachers. You haven't answered any of my goddamn texts or calls. I thought you were dead! Do you understand that?!," he was pacing in front of you, tugging his hair. "Do you want to break up with me? God of course you do. I knew this day was coming. You could've just fucking told me. Instead of disappearing like that I mean-"

Xavier cut himself off at the sound of your sniffle. He looked at where you were standing in front of him. You were twisting your (his) sweater in your hands, and even though you were looking down to avoid his eyes, he could tell you were crying. Immediately he rushed forward. His hands were on your shoulders and petting your hair back, desperately trying to get you to look at him. He didn't mean to make you cry.

"Honey I'm sorry I didn't mean to upset you. What's going on? talk to me please," He was practically begging at this point. "you can yell at me, hit me, anything just please please look at me."

So you finally did. You looked at him with huge doe eyes filled with tears and the minute you made eye contact you burst into tears.

"I'm so sorry Xavier," you wailed. "I just have been having so many things going on in my head and I don't understand why I'm feeling so much and I didn't want to make you mad or make you not want to be with me anymore and-"

Xavier quickly wrapped you in his arms and shushed you.

"You're okay, it's okay. I'm not mad. I love you so so much. You just have to talk to me honey, I was so worried about you. I promise you're okay. We're okay."

He guided you towards your bed, kicking his shoes off along the way.

"Why don't we just lay here for a little and help you calm down, yeah?"

You mumbled out a quiet agreement and buried yourself in his chest. You didn't know how, but Xavier made everything better. He was what saved you.

[haihaihaitani]

Don't Be Scared ~ *Rindou Haitani*

Summary: It seems Rindou’s colleagues don’t respect you as they go out of their way to make you miserable. But you would never tell Rin this. You’re stronger than that, right?

Pairing: Rindou Haitani X G/N!Reader

Genre: Angstyish Drabble

Word Count: 686

Warning: swearing, anxiety attack, insecurities. Rindou being OOC (but I need him to be this way), hating the nickname baby (seriously I could rant about how much I hate being called this, but I think I summed it up pretty well in this)

Masterlist

A/N: I wrote this as a sort of therapy piece. Two things mentioned in this story are insecurities of mine. And sometimes I just imagine a lovely anime boy telling me he’s going to protect me. So yeah. Very self-indulgent. 

A/N 2: Also my dad had piranhas. That’s why they’re here.

You were officially having the worst day ever. Currently, you were curled up in the far corner of your husband’s office, behind his couch. You were squeezed into a tight ball, shaking and crying like a child. All because you were embarrassed in front of your husband’s coworkers.

Honestly, you couldn’t remember who it was who did it and you frankly didn’t care. You could still remember what he did clearly, even though it happened over an hour ago. You don’t think you were ever going to forget.

You were on your way to your husband’s office with some important paperwork when some guy jumped out and scared you. You hated jumpscares because you always felt stupid afterwards. However, after he jumped out, you tripped over your own feet and fell on your ass.

While you were trying to fight back your heavy breathing and tears, the guy laughed and said, “Ha! Gotcha, you whore.”

You were frozen.

A whore? Is that what these people thought of you? You thought…

You shook your head. It didn’t matter what you thought anymore. What mattered is that no one here respected you. Maybe your own husband didn’t respect you like you thought. You just wanted to disappear and believe none of this ever happened. That when you close your eyes, count to three, and open them, you’d be home again.

The door to the office opened. You heard Rindou call out to you, “Baby? Are you here? Ran said he saw you run in here.”

Baby. You were right. Your own husband didn’t even respect you to see you as anything more than a child. Were you being dramatic? Sure. But you still felt justified in being a little extreme considering the humiliation you were subjected to.

“Babe?” Rindou’s voice was much closer to you now and you felt his shoulder brush against yours. You squeezed yourself into a tighter ball to get away from him. “Hey. What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. Go away.”

“I’m not going anywhere until you tell me. Something is bothering you and I will do whatever I can to make it right.”

“No! It’s embarrassing and I just want to crawl into a hole and die!”

You weakly struggled against him when he wrapped his arms around you and pulled you into his lap. “Love, please. Let me help you.”

Taking a few breaths to try and calm yourself, you told him. You recounted the mortifying ordeal with the jumpscare and how he called you a whore. You then let your insecurities spill, how you were so stupid that you could handle a bloody massacre but couldn’t watch a horror movie. You mentioned that you didn’t think anyone respected you, much less like you and you wished you weren’t so dramatic, but explained that these were the thoughts and feelings you were having.

When you were done, Rindou didn’t say anything for a long time. You were about to ask him to say something when he whispered, “I’ll kill him.”

“What?”

“I’ll fucking kill him. I’ll gut him like a fish and feed him to your piranhas for making you feel this way.” He snapped, his voice cold and deadly.

You shook your head and burrowed yourself into his chest. “Don’t do that. You’ll make yourself work more for something those fish won’t eat.”

He gave a slight chuckle but pulled you in closer. “I’m glad you’re making jokes but I’m furious someone would make you doubt yourself like that. You are not a baby and you are not a whore. I love you so much, I married you. If you want, I’ll stop calling you baby. I call you whatever you want. But you have to know that I have never thought less of you and I never will. You are the love of my life and I will never, ever stop loving you, okay?”

You nodded. “Can we go home?”

Rindou kissed the top of your head. “Of course, my love. Right after I call Ran, okay? I have to order a hit.”

“Tell him to be slow and painful.”

“Anything for you.”

[buckybarnesss]

I was literally thinking about all the fics where Stiles is like "and then Derek pushed me around 🥺" like... Derek did the steering wheel thing because Stiles made him STRIP FOR A SIXTEEN YEAR OLD BOY.

I started to read an article that opened up by criticizing the "physically abusive sterek ship" and backed out immediately, like you people need to remember that the show exists and that is not based in reality.

Pack mom Stiles.... gah. Stiles would never help Isaac with his homework. Derek would!! But Stiles? Hell no.

Stiles is literally a fucking creep. He walks around telling everyone that he loves Lydia. He has no boundaries. I love him that way. He's a snarky little asshole who would definitely just show up in Derek's apartment one day and Derek would be like "how did you get in here?" And then Stiles reveals that he pretended to be a doordash driver with a delivery and then picked the lock on Derek's front door.

fun fact my url before this one was creeperderek. i am fond of that url. he of loitering at tree lines and creepily disappearing into shadows in the boy's locker room for no fucking reason.

stiles does have a lack of boundaries and really intense anxiety about the people he cares about.

he listens to the police scanner regularly and monitors his father's diet due to his intense, almost uncontrollable anxiety about his father. he's terrified his dad will die and has an intense fear it will because of him.

all of that of course stems from his mother's death when he was so, so young and how claudia in her cognitive decline blamed stiles and accused him of trying to kill her.

this anxiety also extends to scott and melissa to various degrees due to their significance to the stability of his life for so long and why he's irrationally scared to tell his father the truth despite knowing if the sheriff understood what was really happening it would help more than hinder.

than there's other things like how he has a copy to the key to the mccall house that melissa isn't aware of and it's made pretty clear that stiles took the imitative. scott didn't give it to him.

scott doesn't seem all that bothered by this but scott is one of the few people who knows and mostly understand stiles. they live in each other's pockets. scott would be oddly touched but also be like bro what in the fuck? because really, stiles what the fuck?

people find that fucking weird and creepy.

it truly wouldn't surprise me at all if stiles had a copy of the loft key and derek knew he did and said nothing about it because these two are weird little freaks that probably have frequently creeped on each other.

we do get indications they speak outside of what we're shown. two little maladjusted bastards sharing one brain cell to creep on each other.

if stiles showed up in derek's loft derek probably wouldn't even be surprised. in fact he'd tell stiles he took longer than expected, peter did it better and he sucked.

it's so funny that fandom developed the idea that derek sneaks into stiles's bedroom all the time via the window and we literally never see this. it never canonically happens. though it's not said how derek got inside in wolf's bane so maybe a window but frankly i find it more plausible derek just, you know, broke in the house via a door.

putting a read more on this because i had a lot to say lol

stiles and lydia. ooh boy.

sentiment within fandom swayed a lot on these two and i've seen the common argument that sterek fans don't like stydia as a paring because it's not gay, or something to which i say lol no. i, personally, don't ship them romantically because for like 2 seasons stiles didn't see her as person and she mostly ignored his entire existence.

he fixated on lydia in the 3rd grade which would've been around the time claudia declined and than passed away. he held onto that crush tightly, put lydia on a pedestal making her more into an ideal than a person.

there's moments where we see them genuinely connect but there's so many scenes between the two of them until like season 3 that are cringe and uncomfortable. my main issue is that lydia never really says much about it either.

it's like until she becomes a real girl to stiles her position doesn't matter even when we see her be uncomfortable or weirded out around stiles.

we actually do see stiles and derek develop boundaries with each other. stiles uses derek to literally queerbait danny in wolf's bane. both derek and danny seem to realize this as it occurs and derek pointedly, purposefully retaliates with violence which isn't great but it makes it clear that derek is not okay with what stiles did and a line had been crossed. s2 has derek also indicate to stiles it's not okay to touch without permission.

remember the finger tippy taps stiles's gives derek when boyd dies? that's stiles having learned derek's physical boundaries over 3 seasons so that he is able to offer him comfort in a awful, terrible moment.

in conclusion derek and stiles aren't abusive and it's odd people latched onto that idea. they're abrasive assholes to each other and lack boundaries in the beginning because their maladjusted people for various reasons while also just being two little freaks about each other.

[rorywritesjunk]

I can’t tell where the journey will end But I know where to start

Prequel to my Kid Buggy fic, set about 11-ish years before that story.

Buggy meets you by chance when he needs his buttons sewn back onto his jacket. He’s young, up and coming, and he thinks everyone should cower before him wherever he goes, but all you do is smile at him.

Rating: PG-13ish just for some swearing. Warning: Buggy’s in his early 20s. I also gave him some anxiety and stuff because while he’s in love he doesn’t believe someone could love him back. He just has a lot of uncertainty with romance. Mawwiage happens. Alcohol is mentioned. Everyone’s having a good time. A/N: The epilogue! Enjoy. I am not done with these two in the sense I'll do more one-shots and the likes for them as well as AUs with Buggy's older sister and The Wives. Thank you to everyone who's been reading this! Enjoy!

Title comes from “Wake Me Up” by Avicii.

TAGLIST: @lostfirefly @ane5e @kingofthemfingpirates @the-angriest-angel @tiredemomama @valen-yamyam16 @i-reblog-fics-i-like @plethora-of-fickleness @uhnanix

Chapter 1 + Chapter 2 + Chapter 3 + Chapter 4 + Chapter 5 + Chapter 6 + Chapter 7 + Chapter 8 + Chapter 9 + Chapter 10 + Chapter 11 + Chapter 12 + Chapter 13 + Chapter 14 + Chapter 15 + Chapter 16 + Chapter 17 + Chapter 18 + Epilogue

Epilogue

The marriage was far from perfect.

Your first actual fight showed Buggy you were capable of not speaking to him for an entire week. It was regarding one of Mohji’s animals, a bear that fell ill and passed away. You had been upset for both the loss of the animal and Mohji; the boy loved that bear so much. All Buggy suggested was that you not… cry so much over it. That was it, suck it up and move on. It was just a bear.

He was on his knees begging for your forgiveness by the end of the week.

Then there was the time you accidentally cut up his favorite shirt. He had left it for days on the scrap fabric pile you collected in the bedroom and asked him many times if he was sure that shirt needed to be there. He had insisted it was, but a week after you cut it up into scraps to patch some of the crew’s clothes, Buggy asked about it. You both needed to work on more than verbal communication.

And a few years into the marriage, Buggy was feeling less like you were going to leave him for every person who talked to you that he was pretty relaxed - a little too relaxed because for your birthday he took you to a pub, got a little drunk, and made a comment about how hot the barmaid was. You weren’t mad, more amused by it, but when you reminded him the next day when he sobered up what he said, he was mortified.

You were leaving him for sure for that, he was certain of it.

On his birthday you disappeared for a day on an island you begged to be dropped off at. Buggy caved, wanting to do anything for you in hopes you would forget how he acted like an ass on your birthday again. Maybe you just needed a break from him, even if it was on his birthday. 

You came back after meeting up with Kuro and oh, oh the divorce was inevitable now. You had told him a few days after your birthday when he had a meltdown over how he acted and he begged for you to tell him if there was any man or pirate alive that you would have been with other than him and… that fucking cat pirate was the one you chose. Oh, he was handsome and he dressed so sharply, and you felt you had bragging rights over how well he dressed because he was your first true customer that you had repeated business with.

It was a dagger to Buggy’s heart, over and over and over again. 

“What’s got you so upset?” You asked when he stopped responding, slumped on the floor with an almost empty bottle of rum beside him. You moved the bottle and knelt beside him, touching his shoulder. “You feel okay, honey?”

“Are you leaving me for Kuro?” He whimpered, refusing to look at you because he just knew the answer. You’d be happier with a better dressed pirate than with Buggy. It was startling when you chuckled and kissed him on the cheek.

“No, no. I’m not leaving you for cat-boy.” You told him as you tried to coax him to look at you. “I was getting your birthday present, Buggy, to show you how much I love you.”

He sniffled, lifting his head to see you taking your shirt off. A look of confusion crossed his face as you turned yourself to show him your arm, revealing a tattoo of his jolly roger. 

“This isn’t your only present, y’know, I’m gonna make you a feast.” You said as he sat up quickly, trying to get a closer look, but the alcohol was hitting him and he slumped against you, looking up with large, watery eyes as you stroked his cheek gently. “I love you, Buggy, and I’m never leaving you.”

That… that helped. He felt better after that, though still had doubts.

~

The conversation about kids was… not what he anticipated. He thought you’d want kids right away, he saw how you were around children, how your eyes lit up at the family gatherings each year when you got to see all the kids(he loved the look of horror each year on your aunt’s face when the two of you showed up, she didn’t expect the marriage to last). He watched you pick up your cousin’s baby - he was two years younger than you and his wife just had their first kid. Your eyes lit up and Buggy watched your face soften with a smile he hadn’t seen before. 

He waited until you two were alone to ask. To his surprise you snorted at his question and gave him a kiss. “Not just no, but hell no.” 

“Wait, what?”

“Buggy, I like what we have now. Maybe someday we can have cute little kids but not right now.” You told him as you patted his cheeks gently. “And I don’t think we’re ready at all. Kids can be a discussion in a few years, okay?”

“Oh thank God.” Buggy sighed as he slumped against you, wrapping his arms around you and tightening them around you. “I can’t deal with that right now.”

You laughed softly and kissed him again, wrapping your arms around his neck as you leaned against him. “Neither can I, honey.” You smiled and looked up at him, pulling him down and bumping your forehead against his gently before kissing the tip of his nose. “I love you, Buggy. Thank you for talking to me about this.”

He blushed but didn’t look away as he hugged you. “Love you too, babe.”

~

It was a yearly thing for him to drink and reminisce about the good ol’ days as an apprentice on Roger’s crew. It was always the anniversary of his former captain’s execution. The first time you witnessed it he didn’t explain it to you, just grabbed bottles and bottles of alcohol to drink with the crew while you waited for an explanation on why this was happening. It wasn’t until you wrangled him to bed after he was strutting around the ship, saying he was still a great swimmer even though he was a Devil Fruit power. Before he could jump over the ship to demonstrate this, you grabbed him by the back of the pants and dragged him to the bedroom for him to sober up and explain. 

Buggy slumped on the bed, not bothering to take his shoes off so you helped him. He giggled, face lighting up as you helped get him comfortable for the night.

“I got the best wifey.” 

“And I have the best hubby.” You chuckled as you glanced up at him. “Can you tell me now what the drinking is for?”

“I drink to my captain!” Buggy told you excitedly, pumping his fist up to the air. “H-He was executed on this day eight years ago! I drink in his honor and to hi-his memory!”

“Oh.” 

You didn’t question him further, just made sure he was comfortable that night. The years going forward, you made sure he was safe, had a reasonable amount of alcohol, and put him to bed. He never talked about it the next day, either because he didn’t want to or didn’t remember, you weren’t sure but you figured if he wanted to talk he would. 

~

You were eleven years into this marriage. It… it was fine. It wasn’t too exciting, nor was it incredibly boring. It was just fine for you. Buggy let you take on certain roles on the ship, mostly just making sure everyone looked their best in their clothes so long as he was the best dressed. He trusted you weren’t leaving him any longer, which made it easier for you to slip out of bed in the morning to start breakfast for the two of you.

It was just right.

This morning was no different. He had his fill of alcohol the night before at the local pub with some of the crew, leaving you on the ship for a peaceful night. Buggy managed to stumble his drunken self back to the ship without falling into the water. He was sleeping off the alcohol, head under the covers as he laid curled up next to you. You woke up with him in your arms, but you managed to slip away from him. You were going to wait to start breakfast, wanting to run out to the shops first to pick up some goods before the crowds started.

Buggy stirred, peeking out from under the blankets with a grumpy expression as you got dressed. He lifted his head up just a bit before letting it fall back on the pillows. “What’re you doing?”

“Getting dressed.” You told him, keeping your voice soft as you pulled your shirt on. “I’m going to get some things. Any special requests?”

Buggy nodded, mumbling something under the blankets. You walked over and pulled them back just enough for him to mutter it to you, asking for some apples and peanut butter. He finished the last jar a week ago and had been wanting it. You rolled your eyes and kissed him on the forehead. You needed to buy two and hide them from him, apparently the last jar wasn’t hidden well enough.

“I’ll grab that for you. Anything else?”

“D’you hafta go?” He whined softly. “I want cuddles.”

“I’ll be back, honey.” You assured him as you made sure the blankets were keeping him covered. “I’ll have breakfast ready for you when you wake up, okay?”

“Promise?” 

“Promise I’ll have breakfast-”

“Promise you’ll be back?” He lifted his head again, pouting up at you. 

“Oh, of course I’ll be back.” You chuckled softly as you kissed his forehead. “I’ll be gone for a few hours, honey, but I’ll be back.” 

He frowned sleepily but nodded, settling back down under the blankets. You gave his shoulder a squeeze and tucked the blankets around him once more before you grabbed your wallet and headed out. It shouldn’t take too long to collect what you needed, but you were excited to be at this village. You hadn’t been there in over twenty years and you wondered if there had been any changes to it.

And you enjoyed walking around as you collected your goods, putting them in your bags and basket as you chatted with the vendors about what they were selling, how the weather had been lately, just little things that weren’t related to piracy. You loved your life but having a conversation that wasn’t about what Richie had eaten the night before to upset his stomach was nice. 

Your last stop was for peanut butter which you found in a little shop near the docks. It was a cute little place, selling all kinds of tasty ingredients and foods, but you only bought the peanut butter, knowing you could easily go broke buying all the fancy ingredients in the shop. Maybe if Buggy ever became incredibly rich and had lots of treasure you could think of something like that.

You bid farewell to the shopkeep as you stepped out of the shop, not watching where you were going. Something bumped into you, startling you, and when you turned to apologize, your voice caught in your throat. As far as you were aware, you were very sober so what was this you were seeing in front of you?

“Hey, watch it!” The kid in front of you snapped, glaring daggers up at you. His blue hair and bright red nose was very familiar to you.

Oh, oh no, what was going on?

[seaseren]

Fuck it, little spur of the moment thing. Stopping here because I wanna check the dialogue in game b4 I write more- there's a couple other things I should check out too, while I'm there, but I'm lazy rn. I haven't written much in a while cut me some slack

It was sort of a spur of the moment thing.

Alisaie had been unfortunately idle these past few months. Since she and Alphinaud had been kicked out of Garlemald (or, if one was feeling generous, been begged to take a vacation) the both of them had been aimless. Alphinaud has checked out as many tomes as he could find on the topics of cultural change and recovery, but the fact of the matter was that he had read many of them already for some class or another. Theory was, in this case, not really giving them anything new to work with. They had been spending time with their parents, of course- Father had, in his own way, been overjoyed- but Alisaie felt awkward in the home she had grown up in. She was used to roughing it by now, used to being on the move, used to being treated like a colleague and not constantly surrounded by parents and staff who all still saw her as a child.

Alphinaud must have felt the same way, because about two months after they arrived back in Old Sharlayan he disappeared.

Alisaie hadn’t worried, at first- not that she worried afterwards!- when she went a day without seeing him. It was easy enough to assume he’d lost himself in the library and would either surface around suppertime or would have to be fetched. But supper came and went, and night fell around across the island, and it was only when Alisaie had been to the Noumenon and back and resorted to clambering through the secret passage that led to his office- which she found, to both her satisfaction and her annoyance, she was much too large to easily clamber through anymore- that she found the letter.

It read-

Dearest Sister, Parents, and Assorted Loved Ones

I have found myself invited to a most curious opportunity, and have resolved to fulfill this request to the best of my abilities. Worry not, I am in good hands, and much love to you all.

-well, it said quite a bit more than that, but she was good at summarizing. She, along with their parents, spent some time pouring over it, searching for any actual details. It was certainly Alphinaud’s handwriting- at age nine he had spent a laborious summer perfecting his script, determined to make sure his hand could never be mistaken for another's- and she was able to convince them both that Alphinaud could almost certainly take care of himself. Still, it rackled that he would just run off like that, with barely a clue as to what he was doing! And it rackled even more that he would simply leave her behind.

The next morning she ate a long breakfast with her parents, who were trying their best to disguise their anxiety, then headed over to the Annex. As much as she teased him, Alphinaud and Krile were close, and with Storm gone, if Alphinaud was to tell anyone what he was up to, it would most likely be her. It was midmorning by the time she arrived, but the air was already warm, the usual morning fog burning off to reveal a clear early summer's day. Sharlayan was not exactly hot, but after nearly a year in Garlemald even these mild temperatures felt like a warm blanket- Alisaie hoped for his own sake that Alphinaud’s mysterious business was not taking him to Thanalan or anywhere else with a real summer. 

The Lalafell at the front desk- Emmica? Olrika? Tsun…something?- waved to her as she entered. “Joining the meeting, Miss Leveilleur?” he asked politely, and Alisaie nodded, though she had known about no such thing. She convinced herself it had something to do with Alphinaud- though why he wouldn't tell her was beyond her still- and pushed open the doors to the main hall.

“-kind of mighty warrior just up and retires?!” 

Alisaie started, just a bit, at the voice that seemed to fill the space as soon as the heavy doors were open. She couldn’t recognize it, or even the accent, but they sounded incredulous.

“People are allowed to retire, you know,” came the clipped reply. That voice Alisaie definitely recognized, and she cast her mind about trying to conjure a face that went with it, before she gave up and just looked for the speaker. It was that Viera gleaner, the one who had helped them get info out of the Forum members in Labyrinthos, the one who was named…who probably had a name. Erenville, that was it, she remembered Storm mentioning it.

“Well sure, people are allowed, but Father would never!” said the first speaker again. Alisaie narrowed her eyes a bit. Even in diverse, cosmopolitan Sharlayan she had never really seen a girl Hrothgar, and this one was in a style of dress that certainly didn’t look Bozjan. She wasn’t that tall- at least, for a Hrothgar, she certainly towered over Alisaie- but she had a presence to her that has Alisaie wondering how she had managed to overlook her, even for a second. She paced the hall in front of Erenville, who was draped across a chair, one foot tapping pointedly, and Krile and Raha. It seemed Raha had been the one to break the bad news- his hands were still up in a conciliatory gesture. Krile seemed distracted, her gaze fixed at some desk along the wall, eyes narrowed in thought. There was no sign of Alphinaud. Things could never be easy.

Raha’s ear twitched, and he turned to face Alisaie as she fully stepped into the room. He smiled over to her, slightly rueful, as the Viera and Hrothgar continued their argument behind him (“Your father retiring is the whole reason we’re here.” “Well that’s different! He’s old!”)

“Alisaie! I didn’t know you would be joining us.”

“I didn’t know there would be anything to join,” she said. “I came to ask Krile if she had spoken with Alphinaud recently. He’s disappeared, and left naught but an ominous note behind.”

[tayloralisonswift]

hahaha I’m an OG follower (like before you deleted your old blog) so I think I’ve seen the g and sexuality saga actually! but it is about g. idk if this is something you want to share or if makes you upset to talk about but if not… what happened? I remember how close you guys were and I think I missed something because one day you were saying how he just wouldn’t talk to you anymore. That screenshot you posted of telling him your dad went to the ER and he didn’t respond……. I don’t think I would ever do that to an ex friend regardless of how things ended. Was he that upset with you about something?

it's a great fucking question, honestly. in short, i don't know why he stopped talking to me.

this isn't the first time this has happened. we've been close for years, talking every day, and then, last july, he stopped talking to me. i didn't hear from him again until november. and, since you're an OG (ily), you'll of course remember that last summer/autumn i was getting over losing henry. and he just disappeared. when he came back in november, i was hesitant to even answer the phone call, but he explained that he's been dealing with mental health stuff and even lost his job because of his anxiety. so i kinda told him off but ultimately forgave him. he said things wouldn't get that bad again. i was hesitant to believe him but in the end i did.

i don't know if things are bad again for him or not, but i last heard from him on march 26. i know he's alive because his sister posts on instagram most days, and of course i've been looking at his spotify because i'm dumb <3 the one thing is. well. a few days before - i think march 24 but i don't know for sure, i deleted the conversation thread - i told him i realized i'm a lesbian. so at first when he disappeared, i honestly wondered if he was just coming to terms with the fact that he, like i always had, had assumed we would in some way end up together, and that was fine, i'd let him take time to deal with that. but i don't think he'd stay away this long if he cared about me that much.

so yeah, he just. won't speak to me. didn't answer my calls or call me back, hasn't messaged or texted. if i did something wrong, i have no clue what it could be. and yeah, in late june/early july my father was raced to the ER in an ambulance and i reached out to him and heard nothing. he knows my dad too, they get along well. old g - whoever he used to be - would be really concerned for multiple reasons. but old g is gone. i am barely resisting the urge to quote lwymmd. barely.

i think it's been so hard for me to get over this because it's hard to accept he's gone. i keep thinking, oh he'll call whenever he's ready. but now, like if i love myself, and i'm trying to, i won't just let him come back and do this again. so maybe why it's been easier the last few days is i just keep telling myself it's 100% over. i'm no longer resisting reality, you know?

anyway i hope this answered your question <3 thank you for asking!

[milks-shake-cafe]

I know I said I was gonna do this months ago but now I'm finally gonna talk to you guys about my J.JK self insert!

♧ She works at a little café! She has 0 clue about the sorcerer world; she's sort like that guy with the 5 sisters who got rancid vibes from Ge.to and quit on the spot FNTUHJHH She can generally feel when something's off and will hightail out of there

♧They're usually on the morning shift so they're learning how to bake pastries and the like!

♧My insert first meets Iji.chi due to their job. He was doing a coffee/breakfast run for everyone (which bless him, we all know Go.jo's order was a mile long and overly complicated on purpose FNTUHJ) while my insert was running the cash register. We had a little chat while everything was getting prepared and he appreciated that I was genuinely polite to him!

♧After awhile, he begins to develop a crush on them. He always gets questioned as to why he gets red in the face everytime he picks up coffee now

♧My insert knows his, Iji.chi's personal, order by heart! I make it automatically and put it to the side for him around pickup time. It even happens on days where he doesn't come in, force of habit fbtuhjyg

♧I start trying to make cute designs on his stuff, like a cat or bear on his bread, but um. They're really wonky. (One of my friends joked, saying he probably mumbles "Looks like a cursed spirit..." FBTYBJ)

♧My insert practices a lot of baking and designing at home to finally give Iji.chi something cute to enjoy. Once he finally has it down-pat, Iji.chi compliments my improvement and almost doesn't want to eat/drink it because of the cuteness

♧This endeavor led them to finally share phone numbers and the majority of texts where me sending pictures and progress updates of my at-home bakes. While he doesn't have a hobby like that due to work, Iji.chi usually ends up sending me pics of stray cats he encounters throughout the day (A lot of these are ideas my friends came up with. Their brains are so huge and I love them, mwah)

♧Btw, Go.jo can and will steal this poor man's phone and send chaotic messages and selfies of him running away from him GNGYHJ

♧This guy would be so fucking adorable. He'd send pics of himself in front landmarks and stuff doing a shy little peace sign. WHY IS HE SO CUTE??

♧A few times he shows what he ate somewhere and recommends it to me, I go "Yeah! We should totally go there together!" And he flusters at the idea of a date

♧Iji.chi really tries his best of keeping his work separate from our relationship. He wants to keep this one thing his; I make him feel appreciated and less anxious and he doesn't want it to disappear!

♧His actual job slips out by accident. We go on a date and there's a curse spirit just sitting right next to us. He tries to subtlety get us to move to a different area but I'm here like, "Hey, I think we should go somewhere else. I'm really uncomfortable" while looking straight at it. So he just has this sigh of relief of "Oh thank goodness you can see cursed spirits too" while my insert is like ???

♧He really thought this man was a school chaperone and accountant for the longest FBGYGH

♧While he's thankful that I listen to my gut and I'm happy that it's not my anxiety and paranoid going overdrive all the time, he still gets concerned that I'll get attacked by something I cannot see. He's worried when he isn't around but tries to protect me in ways he knows he can.

♧I can and will parade him around my and his friends, loving on my soggy towel of a man! I honestly think he's waiting for the other shoe to drop; for me to one day realize I can do better and just leave. Meanwhile, I'm here like, "No, we're gonna get married in the future. You're stuck with me. FOR LIFE"

[hello-there-world]

so. thought about the MCI's families in the Rewrite. so have my fun headcanons!

Naomi's Family:

hardworking upper-middle class family.

her parents work a lot, so they seem rather distant. they do love their daughters, though.

Susie and Samantha are her younger sisters. Samantha was born a couple of years after Naomi died, though.

they kept promising to get Naomi a dog, but kept putting it off due to not having much time. they were, however, planning to get Naomi a dog before school started back up.

her parents didn't talk about her too often after she died, mostly because it was a sore subject for them.

they did get Susie and Samantha a dog, though! a golden retriever :]

if the girls ever went somewhere without their parents post-MCI, they'd usually make sure that Susie and Sam stayed together. a bit annoying for Susie, but she didn't mind too much.

the girls didn't learn about Naomi and what happened to her until sometime in the mid-90s to early 2000's. they barely even knew she existed.

i mean...technically they met her ghost in the Fnaf 2 location...but still. they didn't know who she was, much less that she was their sister.

Gabrielle/"Gabi's" Family:

not...the wealthiest. they're getting by just fine, but they don't have a lot of extra income or anything.

her mother is Mexican and her father is black. they had gotten together sometime in college, and they had twins first. several years later, they had Gabi.

alongside the twins (Mia and Martin, who were around 14-15 when Gabi was murdered), Gabi has a baby brother (Leo) who was around 4 when she died.

most of Gabi's more feminine clothing came from Mia as hand-me-downs.

the Franklin-Martinez family were close to the Aftons because of how close Gabi and Liz were.

they tried to tell William "hey, uh we think two of your sons might (cough definitely) have severe anxiety issues, and maybe getting them medicated for that?? would be good actually?? i mean, we did it for Gabi, and while nothing's perfect, it's made a drastic difference in her life, so maybe it'll help Mike and Cass??" and William went "Nah, I think they're fine, but I appreciate the concern 😊"

so yeah, Rewrite Fun Fact: Gabi had anxiety meds. it's one of the reasons she gets along with Cass so well (both have horrible anxiety).

they were fucking devastated when Gabi disappeared. on her birthday no less.

the family never really recovered from it. when Martin finally had a family of his own, he named his daughter after her.

final fun fact: Mia and Martin were some of Alex's classmates, but they kinda. Fucking Hated him. understandable. they only tolerated him for three reasons: 1) for Liz and Gabi's sakes, 2) he's one of the few people that didn't deadname/misgender Gabi, and 3) They Aren't Getting On The Bad Side Of The Afton Family. They Just Ain't.

Baker (+ Jeremy)'s Family:

pretty well off! not exactly middle class, but not really struggling, either.

both Jeremy and Baker are AuDHD, but...to put it one way, it was much more obvious with Baker.

their parents were very loving, even if their dad had to work a lot.

Jeremy and Baker were really close, despite how far apart they were in age (Jeremy being in middle school and Baker not even starting kindergarten yet).

since Jere's mom had asked him to look after Baker due to the disappearances of Naomi and Gabi the day before, Jeremy blames himself for Baker going missing. he'd been playing in the arcade and told Baker to stay in the area in front of the stage and to not follow any strangers (unfortunately, "O'Hare" didn't count as a "stranger" to Baker). his parents, however, don't blame Jere for what happened.

Jeremy is of course our good old boy Mr. Fitzgerald, so...he has a Lot of plot things that i can't put here because then it'll be LONG, but have a few: Fnaf 2 Main Guard, Bite of '87 Victim, Beloved Husband of one Michael Afton, Father of two lovely boys (Cameron and Gregory), you get the gist.

Jeremy struggled with the guilt of what happened his whole life. i'd say he made peace with it around Pizzeria Sim, though.

Felix's Family:

he and his Dad...they're doing their best!

Felix's mom left when he was young. he's doing fine, though! (...kinda)

he and his dad are both Irish. he uses the accent to make his "pirate accent" sound more accurate.

Fritz drank a lot, but he was never abusive. he loved his son dearly, and he was trying his absolute best. sometimes, though, that...wasn't really enough for Felix (mostly because it meant Fritz was never there as much as Felix would've liked).

their relationship was a bit...strained. but they still loved each other.

Fritz actually witnessed Felix being taken and tried to go after him and William, but there were too many kids in the place, and he couldn't get around them in time.

(he knows it was William. there's no way in hell it wasn't. it doesn't matter if he claims to have an alibi, or if he claims that someone else could've fit in a suit that size using stilts; it's all bullshit. as far as Fritz cares, the bastard can rot.)

so...yeah. Fritz Smith and William fucking hate each other.

Kelsey (+ Andrew)'s Family:

uh...not doing so hot in the money department.

their parents are divorced, but they live with their dad (because their mom wanted to make some more money before she tried taking the kids).

their dad Fucking Sucks. physically abusive to Andy, verbally abusive to both, and he throws his empty beer bottles at either one of them.

Kelsey was technically "the favorite," but...that ain't saying much. it's pretty much code for "Mr. Schmidt tolerates this kid more than the other one."

Andrew stayed over at the Afton Household pretty often due to this. the longest he stayed over there for any prolonged period of time was for like. a month.

due to the concerns over the other missing children, and Mr. Schmidt wanting to at least pretend he was a good father, he pretty much sprung Babysitting Duty onto Andrew last minute. Andy wanted to go help comfort Jeremy after Baker's disappearance, but since Kelsey wanted to go spend time at Fredbear's, their dad forced him to take him to Fredbear's.

in Andrew's eyes, it wasn't fair. this always happened; he'd make plans, clearly state those plans, and then his dad would just! fuck them up last minute!

besides...it's not like anyone had gone missing at Fredbear's. only Freddy's. why would the killer suddenly switch it up?

so, they leave. Kelsey stays behind, drawing at one of the tables. he promises to draw a picture for Andrew when he gets back.

he was only gone for a couple of hours.

they were only gone for a couple of hours.

they find Kelsey's sketchbook and crayons, the promised drawing being on the open page. Andrew searched the diner top to bottom...nothing. Kelsey fucking vanished.

their father blamed them for what happened to Kelsey. he was supposed to watch him, after all.

and Andy internalized it. it was his fault. he blamed himself for it hard.

(Kelsey never did, though)

Andrew also inherited the alcoholism issues. so. Fun (sarcasm).

Mr. Schmidt tried to eventually reconcile with Andy later on, but...well, Andy was hesitant to fully let him back into their life after all of that (which included some homophobia and transphobia. Andrew is a demiboy and aroace, for context). but Andy was willing to give him that second chance.

Andy eventually gets better and starts going to therapy. good for them <3

Andy also lives with Mike and Jeremy and the kids. just thought i'd mention that. :]

anyway, my beloveds <3

Oh, god. The families are suffering. Poor Andrew, too. It's not his fault. Andy couldn't have saved him...

[the-jam-to-the-unicorn]

Hey everyone ...

I guess, I'm back (more or less).

First of all, thanks for all the messages and the love. ❤️❤️❤️ It's really sweet of all of you to be so concernced about me. ❤️❤️❤️

I am getting better (sooner or later), so I'll try to be back and more active. On top of my list is finishing the new Showman and all the advent calendar fanfics as soon as possible. Please have a tiny bit of more patience. I'm very, very, very and deeply sorry about how this went and I wish, I could have managed to still upload the fics every day. I'll try to post them as soon as possible.

Also, answering all the messages and finally coming around to post all the content and check up on what I missed (on tumblr, with my mutuals, with Ze and Olena, ... - if anyone wants to update me, feel free to send a message ❤️).

And about what happened, for anyone who wants to know (putting under a cut for anyone who doesn't care which is totally fine):

I started to have back problems some weeks ago but I more or less ignored them. I was being very active over the last few weeks, did a lot of sport and increased the difficulty and on top of that was a bit stressed about several things in my life (like the whole eye infection thing but also other things). So I thought my back pain was a mixture of sore muscles and just stress. Since the back pain also disappeared sometimes or was barely noticable, I thought, it's probably nothing.

Oh boy, was I wrong.

Over the last weekend my back started to get worse but since I had a pretty intense training on Friday, I still thought it's just sore muscles. On Monday it got really awful and I started to have a lot of pain all the time, to a point, were I needed stronger and stronger medication and could barely move. On Tuesday my boyfriend dragged me to the doctor but since he was already gone, I got an appointment for Wednesday, believing that would be no problem (I was massively downplaying my pain since I hate, hate, hate doctors thanks to my anxiety - which sucks since I have super nice and awesome doctors but unfortunately my anxiety doesn't care).

Welp, I did not make it until Wednesday. By Tuesday afternoon I was in so much pain that I was basically crying non-stop and could only move with pain. In the end, my boyfriend put me in the car and we drove to the emergency room (anxiety and immense pain is not a great combination, so on top of all that - hello panic attacks; but bless my boyfriend for doing this and getting me help).

In the emergency room they drugged with the heavy stuff to stop the pain and ease my nerves and after hours, I was allowed to leave, with strong painkillers in my bag.

Next day I went to my doctor and ever since he's treating me with strong painkillers and therapy starting next week.

I needed some days to get used to the painkillers and give my body some rest (also because I was emotional and psychially drained - it was hard on my psyche since this was another health issue in a long row I had this year and I had yet again to go to the hospital). I'm not pain free, the pain is just managable. Sitting hurts after a short time, lying on a flat surface is okay, standing is 50:50 of being in pain or not so much.

I still have an MRT coming up next week. Let's see what that says.

I am on my way of recovery and my doctor said it needs up to two weeks before my back starts to get better, so at this point, I'm counting down days and try to numb the pain as much as possible.

No idea who cursed my health this year, but sincerely fuck you and find someone else. I've honestly seen enough doctors, hospitals, machines and medications this year.

[moonchildreads]

small town

Chapter 6 - Walking on Sunshine

IN THIS CHAPTER: A surprise birthday lunch, a shitty but perfect Polaroid, and Chrissy gives advice to a friend in need [2.7k]

WARNINGS: vague allusions to former shitty friends, eddie being insecure, author not knowing how GPAs work

masterlist - prev - next | playlist

I used to think maybe you loved me, now, baby, I’m sure And I just can’t wait ‘till the day when you knock on my door

Monday, April 21st - 1986

Dottie spent the entire morning feeling like she was gonna throw up. She’d seen Mike and Dustin at the school entrance and both boys had simply waved at her before going back to their hushed conversation. Gareth and her delivered their joint report during Political Science and he spent the rest of their time together talking about how his sister had gotten a part-time job at a coffee shop while she was in college in Arizona. Jeff had crossed paths with her in the hallway and barely said hi before he hurried into the boys’ bathroom, catching his shoulder on the door frame as he went in. Donny had returned the latest tape he’d borrowed without much fanfare and promptly disappeared for the rest of the day. It seemed that the only person at school who remembered her birthday was Ms. Kelly, and that wasn’t even as comforting as one might think; she had obviously read it from her file before the start of their weekly check-in.

When the bell rang signaling lunch was starting, she felt the urge to hide in a bathroom stall and cry until her next class but even that was making her stomach churn; she shared English Literature with Eddie and he was nowhere to be found. She didn’t know what would be worse: him showing up having forgotten her birthday or not seeing him at all. Swallowing her own anxieties, she grabbed her little lunchbox from the back of her locker and hid away the birthday note her dad had stuck to it in the front pocket of her jean overalls. They are just stupid boys, she thought, trying to school her disappointed expression. They probably think my birthday is on Saturday. It’s not like they don’t care anymore or hate me all of a sudden. Taking a deep breath once she saw her friends sitting at their usual table at the cafeteria, she put on a calculated smile and pretended everything was fine. She’d done this before. She could do it again. They’d never have to know.

“Hey-” she hadn’t even finished greeting them when suddenly they all jumped out of their seats with party horns between their lips.

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY!” they screamed, making a lot of noise and attracting attention from nearby tables.

“This one’s for you,” Dustin said, putting a paper party hat on her head, being careful to not snap the elastic on her chin.

She stared at them for a few eternal seconds, Dustin handing out more party hats and Donny accidentally letting go of the elastic as it was passing his nose. Even Eddie was wearing one, his wild hair flattened by the colorful paper. They didn’t forget, she realized. They planned this because they care about me. They didn’t forget. It was like the coil that had been tightening all morning had suddenly snapped inside her, and even if she was hyper aware that she was currently being watched by a lot of people, she couldn’t stop the tears from spilling down her cheeks.

“You assholes!” she yelled at them, hiding her face, crying and laughing at the same time. “You made me think you forgot!”

There was a flutter around the table as the teens looked at each other in panic with the knowledge that they’d gone a bit too far with their nonchalant act before they surrounded her, soothing palms on her back and offering a million apologetic hugs.

“I knew it, I knew this was a terrible idea,” Dustin was saying. “I told them you were gonna get upset if we ignored you all day.”

“We’re so sorry, fuck, we didn’t mean it, please don’t cry,” Gareth was stuck to her side like velcro.

“I totally thought you had figured us out when I ran into the bathroom door, shit,” Jeff said.

“I thought you were about to pee yourself, dumbass,” she retorted, her tears finally drying up, a smile on her face.

“Okay, okay, chill out, guys, let her breathe,” Eddie said, carving a little path between the boys to get to her. He pulled her into a hug and she instantly hid her face on his chest.

“You fucking idiot, I was so sure you were skipping class today,” she slapped his back softly with open fingers.

“And miss my favorite girl’s birthday? I would never,” he muttered into her hair.

Dottie nuzzled his chest, a warm feeling spreading all the way to her feet and a grin growing on her face. Eddie chuckled as he threw his head back slightly, the tenderness of the moment fully on display for everyone to see embarrassing him to the bone, but he didn’t have enough willpower to let her go yet. Thankfully for him, the boys began singing Happy Birthday loud enough for her to get curious and unentangle herself from his arms. Mike was holding a rather large chocolate muffin with bright pink frosting and a lit candle on top, waiting for her to make a wish.

“Mrs. Nelson! Mrs. Nelson!” Dustin waved to a teacher who was watching the scene unfold with a pleased smile on her face. “Can you take a picture for us?”

He pulled out a Polaroid instant camera from his backpack under the table and positioned the woman to take what he thought was the perfect shot. The gentle Geography teacher waited for them to get situated; everyone huddled up around Mike and Dottie, who was thinking very hard about the most important wish she’d ever made. She nodded at Mike to let him know she was ready, and he brought the candle up to her face. I wish for all of us to always be friends no matter what happens, she thought with as much will as she had in her heart and blew out the flame, the boys cheering around her.

“Happy birthday, princess,” Eddie said, lips dangerously close to her ear.

As she turned to look at him, the pet name making her already very sensitive stomach do somersaults inside her, she heard the familiar click of a picture being snapped. Dustin thanked the teacher and retrieved the camera, flicking the sticky paper wildly for it to develop faster. Once they finally settled down at the table for lunch, a few kind people and teachers who had seen the celebration go down approached to wish her a happy birthday and, for the first time since she moved in, Dottie felt really, truly comfortable in Hawkins, Indiana.

“Son of a bitch,” Dustin said, finally looking at the Polaroid, Dottie making grabby hands in his direction immediately. “We aren’t even looking at the camera!”

“Lemme see,” she said, grabbing the picture and bringing it to her side of the table.

Dustin was right, literally none of them were looking at the camera but all of them had been caught in various states of happiness and celebration. Mike looked very panicked about dropping the muffin as he was being shaken from behind by Donny’s hand on his shoulder, the rest of the older boy’s body barely visible behind Jeff who had a party horn dangling from his mouth, and Dustin himself had been caught either singing or talking, his eyes closed and hands coming together in a clap. Gareth was standing to Dottie’s right, one arm around her waist, laughing while looking at Jeff’s general direction, and Eddie was on her left, hands in his pockets, looking straight at her with puppy eyes and what was perhaps the most unguarded smile she’d seen on him yet. Dottie’s body was pointed towards Mike, one hand grabbing his arm to help stabilize him, but her head was turned towards Eddie, her eyes landing on him with a smitten expression and a shy smile on her lips.

“It’s perfect,” she declared, committing the memory to the Forever drawer in the part of her brain that kept her most precious moments safe.

She was sure that she’d have time to analyze why she felt giddy every time her eyes landed on the way Eddie was looking at her in the picture, but not today. Today was her birthday, and she was the happiest she’d been in a very long time.

Wednesday, April 23rd - 1986

“I thought what you guys did for Dorothy’s birthday the other day was really sweet,” Chrissy said, putting away the small bag of weed she’d just bought from Eddie.

“You only turn 18 once, right?” he smiled, remembering their lengthy argument about how to cut the muffin in enough pieces for everyone at the table. She’d given the biggest piece to Mike. “She deserves it for putting up with us.”

“Yeah, I’m sure that’s the only reason why you went full out.”

Eddie looked at Chrissy intrigued by what she was saying. By now, he’d already realized that what he felt for Dottie was more than just a simple friendship or even a short-lived crush. He could be rather oblivious at times but he wasn’t that dumb, even he could tell something was different here when he actually started looking forward to going to school every morning. But truth be told, Eddie Munson simply wasn’t very experienced in matters of the heart. He’d gone out on a couple of dates with people he’d met at gigs and fooled around here and there but still, he was no Steve Harrington. In his most honest moments, he had to admit that Mike Wheeler probably had more moves than he did. At least he actually had a girlfriend, which is something Eddie had never really had. Hell, even Dustin had a girlfriend if all his talk about Certified Genius Suzie was real.

No, he had to admit, if not to anyone else but to himself, that him being inexperienced had been his own fault. There had been no shortage of out-of-town drunks throwing themselves at him after shows, but deep down, Eddie was insecure and that had been a running gag with former Hellfire Club members and Corroded Coffin bandmates that still weighed heavily on his mind. He’s just bad at picking up chicks, one of his old friends had said back when he was on his very first run at being a senior. He’ll learn. And yes, he had learned the theory but therein lay his second problem: he was too aware of his own reputation to put those things in practice seriously. It had been easy to make out in the back of his van with people who saw him as their shot at feeling like real groupies, and he certainly had indulged in those moments from time to time; he was, after all, a hormonal teenager.

But just as he was all too conscious that he had the necessary charm to be a playboy if he really wanted to and the knowledge that his infamy as “the freak of Hawkins High” attracted a very particular kind of crowd to him, he was also painfully cognizant that he had never really felt, well, love. Or at least not even the kind of infatuation that could have led to love if nurtured right. All his high school crushes had been on people that had been so far away from what he considered his own league, and it certainly didn’t help that the only time he had actually had the courage to ask someone out (two weeks before his Junior prom, he remembered the day like it had been yesterday), the girl in question had laughed at him for a solid minute. And told her friends. Who had also laughed at him.

“Penny for your thoughts?” Chrissy asked, interrupting his journey down sad and jilted memory lane.

“Would you date me?”

“What?” she laughed, but there was no malice. That was the thing about Chrissy Cunningham: she would always laugh with you, never at you. “You know I have a boyfriend.”

“Yeah, and he’s a douche but that’s beside the point,” he paced in front of her, his sneakers crunching leaves on the grass. “I’m asking if you as a girl, not as Chrissy, think that I could be… dateable,” he cringed as soon as the words left his mouth.

“Wow. You really got it bad for her.”

“Chrissy, come on,” he said, dragging the Os for effect. “I don’t know what I’m doing here, okay, cut me some slack.”

“Okay, alright,” she sighed. “Do you want the hard truth or do I… soften it for you first?”

“Just give it to me,” he draped himself dramatically on the picnic table where he usually did all his drug deals.

“I think you’re a great guy, Eddie. You’re funny, you know who you are and what you want,” he made a face but she continued anyway. “You are really genuine and you care a lot about your friends. It’s just that… well, I don’t really know Dorothy but-”

“You’d love her,” he muttered, hiding his eyes with his arm. He felt entirely too vulnerable in this conversation.

“You’re not exactly the kind of guy the good girls get to take home to their parents, you know? Even if we want to.”

“Yeah.”

“I’m not saying she wouldn’t do it, like I said, I don’t really know her but it’s complicated for girls like us. There’s… expectations and rules.”

“God, could you imagine,” he chuckled darkly. “The 3.74 GPA girl with the guy who got held back two years in a row. Now that’s a fantasy story.”

“You know her GPA by heart?” she said, incredulous.

“It’s projected. She said it should be 3.92 if it was weighted, whatever that means.”

“Jesus Christ, Eddie.”

“I feel like I’m losing my mind,” he rolled over and let himself drop to the grass.

“Yeah, well, welcome to the club.”

Chrissy watched him throw a mini tantrum on the floor and felt truly bad for him. He had been so kind to her all this time, and he was actually so far removed from the terrifying image some people liked to pretend was the real him. It was in these moments that she was aware that they were both equally lost kids, just tryharding their way through high school, making mistakes they’d probably regret for the rest of their lives. She tilted her head to the side as he sat down again and began picking greenery out of his hair.

“For what it’s worth, I don’t think you are completely hopeless,” she rested her head on her hand. “You just gotta clean up a little bit.”

“I showered this morning,” he said, and smelled his shirt just in case.

“I meant, you gotta clean up your act! Get your grades straight, graduate, be more… I don’t know… this Eddie,” she made a circular gesture at his general direction with her hand. “Not the standing-on-tables-angry-at-the-world Eddie you put on to scare everyone away. The real you.”

“I’ll have you know that my table monologues are 100% the real me, thank you very much.”

“Eddie.”

“Alright,” he sighed. “I get it. I gotta be more like Jason.”

“Fuck no.”

“Chrissy Cunningham, saying a bad word,” he put his hand to his chest, always a drama queen.

“Look. Jason is my boyfriend, and I love him,” she stopped him before he could interject with a wave of her hand. “But I don’t think he’s what Dorothy is looking for. She already likes you enough to be your friend, you just gotta… help her out a little bit! Be a version of you she can bring home to her grandparents’ for Christmas.”

Eddie stared at his metallic lunchbox, running scenarios in the back of his mind. He was going to her house on Saturday for her birthday party, and he was going to meet her Dad there. It was incredibly important to make a good impression; he feared that he wouldn’t let her hang out with him anymore even if she insisted that he was “a cool Dad”. In his experience, there was a limit to how understanding parents could be when he was around. A light bulb turned on in his brain, a mischievous grin spreading on his face. Chrissy tilted her head at him, curiously.

“If you had to guess, what would be Dot’s clothing size?”

[echo-echo31]

Like I Do | Heist x GN!Reader

A/N: I've been listening to Taylor Swift again. May turn into more than one part.

Warnings: Unrequited (that he knows of) love.

He's never met them. They seem nice, great even. They seem like someone who he could easily hang out with, share a few beers. Hell, he'd probably even befriend them eventually.

He's never hated anyone as more in his life. All because you. Keep. Mentioning. Their. Name.

"Yeah, I suppose it wasn't really my thing, but we spent like 2 hours watching it. It was chill," 

You're so casual talking about the evening you spent with your partner. The one you rant (and not in a good way) about to him at least once a week. Markus can feel his grip on the steering wheel tighten.

"Yeah?" He replies, without commitment. He prays you don't elaborate because his whole day might be ruined if you keep mentioning their-

"Ash suggested I keep off my phone for a bit, y'know? Be in the moment,"

The motherfucker.

"Yeah, sure. But then you might not see my texts about the heist…plus my…therapist said that sometimes not being able to connect through non-verbal means can make anxiety worse," 

The fuck? You don't even have a therapist, Genius.

"Huh. Guess you're right. Wouldn't want to miss your 4am stealth ideas, would I?" 

Don't look at their smile, don't look at their smile, don't-

God fucking damn it.

"You love it," He replies, the way your smile lights up the air around you making him forget about Ashley and all the other feelings for a few seconds.

"Markus? We're…er…we're here, buddy," 

He's been staring again, hasn't he?

"Oh! Yeah, 'course," He puts the jeep in neutral, trying to hide the teenage blush as you undo the seatbelt and open the door.

"Thanks for the lift. Talk to you later? I'll try and get hold of the lower level schematics in the meantime,"

You're not really asking, he knows. You're not even looking at him - putting your phone back in your pocket as you are probably thinking about what to cook for dinner, assuming he'll call whilst you eat like always.

But he's looking at you. Oh god, he's looking at you.

"Yeah. See you later, partner!" 

You smile, then close the door and walk to your house. He watches you drop the keys once, making him huff a fond laugh, and then disappear inside the small apartment.

Markus lets his head fall into the steering wheel with a groan.

He'd sworn he'd never be that guy. The 'Laments Over Being In The Friendzone' guy. The 'You Belong With Me' guy. The 'Fall In Love With Your Best Friend' guy.

Still, here he is. Being able to relate to all the songs doesn't make it suck any less. 

"Calm down, Indigo," He mutters to himself, using his middle name like a soldier being told to get it together.

Well, at least he managed to "accidentally" set the date of the heist to your dating anniversary Because he's a terrible person.

At least Chica will still love him.

[valleyfthdolls]

Does Elizabeth or the Crying Child(Evan)play a major role in your AU?

Yes and yes but the crying child is not Evan. Both of them play similar roles to their canon counterparts, since the AU is a combo of my interpretation of canon and me just kinda doing whatever.

While Elizabeth is important to Michael as his little sister, she’s more important to Charlie’s role in the story. Elizabeth was Charlie’s childhood friend and hella protective over her despite being the younger one, because while Charlie was a good kid she was scatterbrained and prone to anxiety, always running around trying to make things better, and became a target for bullies because she didn’t stand up for herself. They’re mirrors, Elizabeth in pastels and light, doll-like styles and Charlie usually buried in a raincoat or similar big jacket, dressed in mostly dark grey or black because it’s hard to get dirty and ill-fitting, too-big skirts and shirts. But Elizabeth has green eyes, Charlie a green admission bracelet, both are the older sister in their family, with Elizabeth two years older than her brother, Charlie a few minutes older than hers, and both love their fathers dearly. Charlie was clearly the favorite, where Elizabeth saw herself as clearly the least favorite. Charlie came to Henry for comfort, and Abby sought out William for approval. Charlie was found by the Security Puppet, modeled after a jester or mime, in the rain after her death, and Elizabeth was killed by Circus Baby, modeled after a harlequin. The Puppet was the guiding light for the missing children, Baby the ringleader of the Funtimes. Where Charlie led, Elizabeth manipulated and lied, and while Charlie was driven to madness by despair, Elizabeth had been there a far longer time than her. In that way the poor girls were little more than mirrors of their fathers in their afterlives, but Elizabeth by the end didn’t want to be her father’s puppet anymore, and was crushed by the disillusionment Charlie had felt from the beginning.

Obviously there’s more to each girl, especially Lizzie given she’s one of my favorites, than just being parallels to each other, but they have a LOT in common and it’s very important to the both of them.

Cassidy- the crying child- doesn’t really have any parallels like that, but his story coincides with Michael’s.

Neither of them want to be their father. Unlike Elizabeth who just wants to be loved, Michael hates William’s expectations and wants to rebel, and Cassidy doesn’t want to be whatever William wants, but feels like he is alone and won’t be loved no matter what. “If I do this will you love me” vs “I don’t want you to just love me on these terms” vs “you’re not going to fucking love me anyway.” While Cassidy has a tough side, he’s afraid of hurting others because of the way he’s been hurt. He’s moody, unstable and an emotional wreck with early onset depression and anxiety and childhood ptsd. Where Michael is loyal, Cassidy is self-sufficient, where Michael yells, Cassidy cries and hides away. Cassidy is pushed to be a vulnerable mess by his hatred for Michael, who is so emotionally closed off and mean because he cannot deal with Cassidy’s “bratty” crying and… trauma responses… and this stems from the losses the family has suffered and how such a traumatic situation has destroyed the family form the inside.

When Cassidy died, Michael’s tough facade fell apart. He became what he’d hated of Cassidy- avoidant, shy, quiet, moody. He had hated Cassidy because he didn’t want to feel that way himself. He had projected his grief over Elizabeth disappearing and his trauma from William’s abuse onto Cassidy, because he had been at the center of it- having claimed to see Circus Baby “eat” Elizabeth- the way Michael was now at the center of this case.

Over the next two or three years, Michael would subconsciously repress the details of Cassidy’s death, like the bite, the day it happened, the hospital visits, the ambulance, the manslaughter charges that were dropped, his coffin up until his body fucking disappeared and Michael never saw him again, the twenty minutes he spent trying to “put him back together” and wake him up as the ambulance made its way to them from Cedar City, the estimates the doctors threw around for when he’d wake up that slowly turned into the rapidly approaching date of his death, or the fact that he’d died the day they told Michael he had roughly three days left, which would have made it eight days he’d survived instead of five.

But in 1987, when Michael’s closest friend suffered debilitating brain damage in an accident later known as “the bite of ‘87,” the strange circumstances of the situation like the animatronic mouth they dislodged from his skull having no mech, just a limp latex mask, were questioned from the beginning. However, Michael believed he knew what had happened. The same thing that had taken the lives of his other friends who’d been there the day Cassidy died.

Cassidy was still there.

Cassidy’s tragedy was what made Michael aware of the truth, and time and time again, Cassidy’s voice is the one Michael hears, and Cassidy is the one he reaches out to when he’s helpless.

“Can you hear me? I don’t know if you can hear me…

“I’m here now.

“I need you to call back. Do something, ANYTHING- try to kill me if you want. I know you’re here, Cassidy. I just need proof so I can keep going.

“I need to know what I’m doing is right so I can save you.”