#I would loooove to work on one but every other aspect is such a pain 😭

[yhkz]

Guy with 2 rpgmaker programs: Maybe I'll make an rpgmaker some day.... (Repeated for 100 years)

[its-me-im-coraline]

NSFW Alphabet // Ethan Torchio

words // 2383

warnings // smut, clearly its nsfw headcannons

pairing // Ethan Torchio x GN!Reader (might be mentions that seem like they are for f reamer but comeon theres lingerie for every body 👁️👄👁️)

author's note // if you want to be on the tag list let me know. an apology to the people on my tag list i think i accidentally have not been tagging you this whole time i am so so so sorry omg

request // yes, it was a reblog i cant find it right now

summary // self explanatory

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

Regarding you, Ethan is the king of after care. As rough as he can be in bed, that’s just how sweet he can be once you're done with it. Goes full on dad mode (don’t know how else to explain this). He will have water, painkillers if you’re now in pain, a washcloth to clean you up, new clothes, and of course the cuddles.

“I’m alright, Ethan. I can do it on my own,” you say as Ethan walks to you with the wet cloth ready to clean the mess he made on your body.

“I know you can, amore. I just want to take care of you,” he says as he leaves a kiss on your lips.

I can also see him being the one to make a big fat breakfast the morning after, or at least get up early to pick something up.

Now I also feel that he is in need of some aftercare. It depends on the day really, if he’s had a pretty rough day and all I feel like he’d ask for some backrubs after. In this case he’d fall asleep so quickly like omg. But on the biggest part I see him feeling the need to reassure you that the things he said (i think we already established that this man would call you a slut) are not how he feels about you and will be asking if you feel the same.

“Do you love me?”

“Wha- of course I do, Ethan! Where is this coming from?”

“I don’t know… I guess - I guess I am worried that you don’t after what I said.”

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

When it comes to himself I feel like he really likes his chest and arms. Like I don’t know but I see him really getting off with you pretty much mastubating on his chest. Ya know what I mean? (i think you do you little sluts). He pretty much enjoys anything you do on his chest. I can imagine him looking at the mirror after you two had sex, seeing the cum on his chest along with the marks you have left and just smiling.

“What are you looking at, love?” You ask, seeing as the man is standing in front of the bathroom mirror from your spot on the hotel bed.

“Nothing, just the mess you made.”

“Mhm, and I bet you like it, huh?”

“You have no idea… Hey, are you sure you got tired? Cause I think I can do another round.”

As for his arms, as I said, he simply really enjoys that he can man handle you anytime, get you in any position he likes and feel you scratching them from the pleasure.

When it comes to you, Ethan is an ass guy. Say what you want but the man is an ass guy, end of discussion. He loves anything that involves your but. It does not explicitly have to be something like anal. He simply enjoys seeing your butt and holding it in his hand. It does not matter if it’s big or not, if it has stretch marks or whatever. Wear lingerie that he likes or that itty bitty teeny weeny bikini if you wear them or even some tight pants that make your butt just poìp and he can not contain himself.

I think I have said that to someone here (i think I had sent an ask to zodi @ icouldbeyourputtet) before but I feel like this man is very into spanking, like not even the rough malicious way. but this very wholesome chill way.

You had been talking about it all day, not having had a minute alone with each other for days, you could only dream what you could do that night after everyone left.

A playlist was playing in the background and a cigarette was burning on the ashtray next to your legs, you assuming a similar position, as said cigarette, bent over Ethan’s lap as he caressed your ass cheeks and back, playing around with the lingerie set he had gifted you a while back. (Did I just go to search my fave porn vid, lol exposing myself, and get disappointed because I can’t find it and translate it into fanfiction? yes yes i did, so bare with what i can remember)

“It’s okay, baby, you can take a little more, come on,” he praised, leaving a spank and yet another soft rub on the very red cheek.

He continued, going with the music, a very nice pattern, not very rough spanks but just enough to cause pain, pleasure and redness all over. Accidentally the man landed a few very rough ones causing a gasp and a series of giggles as you practically fell off his lap.

“Ethan, what the hell?” You laughed getting up from the floor and this time sitting on the man’s lap, sharing kisses with him.

“What,” he copied your action and laughed, “it was not intentional. I got carried away by how nice your butt is.”

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

He is and is not messy. He will not want the cum to be in every surface possible you know, he will be careful but at the same time this man just loves to see his cum on you, whether it’s your back or your stomach, or in you if you’re ok with it. I bet he has a teeny weeny breeding kink but not necessarily because of the idea of breeding you but rather because he looooves seeing his cum run out of you… I'm not sure if this falls in the breeding kink category but alright

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

He likes to fuck you while watching porn.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

I feel like he is pretty experienced. From what they band has said in interviews and stuff, he seems to be getting some pretty often (no one, NO ONE, is surprised at that). He is not acting arrogant tho (not unless that’s the dynamic of the night), he is willing to learn what works for you and you specifically

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

As I said this man is an ass guy so I’d say anything that involves having the view of your ass. Humor me but i think he’d really like 69 with a female/afab partner (don’t know if this works very well with two dick-baring people lol). It has it all, eating you out,

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

I think it can be both with him. He will not exactly try to make jokes but if something like the previously mentioned spanking incident happens it’s def welcome.

Now as a general rule I see him being pretty serious. I will be honest, I’m getting brat tamer vibes from this man so it’s all pretty serious when you really get into it.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

Considering he’s an Italian man and if you look at a lot of photos of him he def fit the ‘mediterenean’ man type. I see him just barely grooming. I don’t see him really shaving or whatever but he also wouldn’t want you to choke on pupic hair, he much rathers you choke on his dick

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

It all depends, really. He can be quite intimate with you but it all depends on the moment. There are different occasions for everything. For example, and this is a paradox that I hope I’m explaining well enough to understand, he is not very rough (will not be very aggressive and stuff, like to the extreme those tik tok boys want to pretend they are with their * growling * ew) but he will be rough. intimidating looks, spanking just enough to make you feel pain and redden up your ass cheeks. He’s like that mostly when you are being bratty.

Most of the times, like we’re talkin kind of lazy sex moments, it more wholesome ig, like very intimate and just comfortable and almost comforting. Ok, but like why do i see him having sex and having casual conversation (not the most common, i see this as like lazy day off, having nothing else to do and not being like super horny but being more like h o r n y … am i making sense?)

Setting the scene, you two are at home, both have a day off but it’s kind of raining so any of your plans are ruined. At this point it’s at around 10 am, not early, not late. You have missed each other and both have made it obvious but you are both in a very tired state so you opt for something not too much.

Plain and simple missionary is what goes around this time, Ethan on top just holding your legs around his waist,, going at a pretty medium pace.

“It’s a pity the weather is bad today,” says Ethan staring out the window.

“I know, we were going to go to the beach… I’m bummed about it,” you say, short of breath as the man continues his pace fucking you.

“Mhm, true. But this is better, amore, no? I’ve missed you so much,” he breaths out the last part, moans interrupting his words.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

He does that pretty often, especially if you are not around to help. Sometimes it’s because of you that he needs to. I would def see him exchanging naked pics with you and at first he does that to tease you but he ends up teased when he sees a video you sent of you masturbating.

Bets that he’d be taking photos and vids of you fucking on occasion so he goes to these when he misses you on tour.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

As I mentioned previously I see Ethan to be a brat tamer. That I see to be the main kink that kind of works around everything else.

“Can you stop this, slut? It has gotten exhausting. I told you no noise but here you are,” he ordered, looking down at you trembling below his finger tips.

His face was quite stoic, voice never wavering from the strict and cold tone he tended to have when scolding you on the daily. Most times it was leaving a cup out of the sink but this time the scolding came from misbehaving. As if it was not enough that he was punishing you for being a brat and riling him up all morning, now you had to disobey orders. It was getting to him for sure.

“I’m sorry daddy,” you whisper, Ethan seeming satisfied with the response.

“Aw, why so tame puppy, now you decide to be nice?” His tone stayed the same, his words imitating a joke but the whole ordeal was not even close to it.

Now as for other kinks (did I open a site because I could not think? yes, shut up), as a result of being a brat tamer dom there are some few more kinks accompanying specifically that. He is def into bondage, both tying you up but also being tied up on occasion.

“Puppy, I have told you that is not a way to treat me. Untie me,” he says calmly, wrists tied on the headboard of the bed, eyes fixated to you.

“Well, why not? You do it all the time,” you whine, placed on all fours, facing Ethan as you lean towards him on your hands, “I want in on the fun.”

If only he was not tied… Ethan’s mind was already going places, figuring out exactly how he would punish you after you untie him -or after he escapes the restrains, whatever comes first. You knew that, very well - in all honestly that was the plan, that is always the plan.

“Amore, let me go. Let me go and your punishment will be tame,” he voiced looking at you, now positioned on top of his lap, touching yourself right then and there.

“I sense you want to be punished puppy, don't you?” You simply nod your head, eyes closed in pleasure.

“You see, the problem is you will not enjoy what I am thinking.”

“Mhmn.”

“Well, get yourself off now that you can, cause after I get my hands on you… You’re not getting to cum for days, amore.”

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

Honestly, anywhere. I can see him having a preference to the luxury of either of your houses or a hotel room but if you push his buttons just right, some restaurant’s bathroom it is.

why can i imagine him having sex at a weeding venue’s bathroom….. omg…..

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

Honestly, both. I feel like he would be extremely good at giving it, but would never opposed to receiving

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

He’s ok with them but he doesn’t love them, ya know?

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.

Is surely try to do new things but it will always depends on what it is.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

Come on. This goes without saying. He is a drummer for a living. He can surely go on for long…

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

I def feel like he has a fair amount of toys. Some for himself, some for you… He looooves using them to punish you.

(small mention to my last fic little puppet)

“Beautiful, puppy! You have been doing so good for us, taking your punishment so well, but we are not done yet.” A buzz sound is what concerned the girl, eyes widening at the toy.

It was a small remote virator, imitating sucking on the clit. The drummer placed the girl over his knees, stuffing the toy between his leg and her clit, shocking the sensitive bud. “I think you can take a few more spanks,” said the man, landing one at the expanse of her thigh, the skin giggling at the contact.

“Damiano, count,” ordered the assertive man, seeing his friend kneel in front of Y/N, kissing her and then doing as he was told.

“I think we were left on twenty-three. Twenty four,” he began, counting all the way to forty before the ordeal was over.

The whole time Y/N was shaking, just about to fall off the edge, asking for permission to cum but her wishes were not granted just yet. She was exhausted, overstimulated, frustrated, and now unable to move on her own. But, oh man did she need more. The two men were more than willing to assist her.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

A ton! It’s his specialty. Maybe one of his most common punishments is edging and teasing. He can drag it on for days

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

He is not very loud but is surely encouraging you to be.

tag list: @bieberhoodforever @tabi-toast @ginny-lily @moriro-da-regina @the-killer-queenie @makapaka11 @teenyweenynightghost

[ereawrites]

Tim Drake - NSFW Alphabet!

this was not requested

taglist: @daddyissuesmademe @idkmanicantenglish

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

Tim, as much as he enjoys it in the moment, can’t cope with being messy/sweaty etc after you’re done. He likes to shower together after sex - lots of kisses, mumbling how amazing you are into your skin, cleaning each other while half-holding each other up with exhaustion. After that, he loves to go back to bed and play with your hair while you both drift off to sleep. This is one of the only times Tim will sleep straight through the night.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

On himself, Tim likes his hands. He has long, slender fingers: much of his childhood was spent playing piano, and his handwriting is gorgeous when he actually tries. They’re often stained with ink, which reminds him how hard he works. Also... major fingering kink. Huge. He will happily finger you for hours.

On you, Tim is absolutely in love with your shoulders, collarbones, and neck. He thinks they all look so graceful and elegant. During foreplay and a lot of sex, Tim basically has to have his lips somewhere in this area. A surefire way to catch his attention is to wear an off-shoulder dress, or a nice necklace. (He may ask you to keep the necklace on during sex).

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

Looooves to come onto your chest and collarbones. He isn’t so keen on coming inside, mostly because it lowkey terrifies him, but he can be convinced in the heat of the moment if you ask nicely enough. Tim comes a lot. Even after one round, there’s still a lot coming out of there. You will need a lot of tissues.

As an extension of the fingering kink, if you squirt, Tim will go absolutely nuts. He’ll totally lose his mind, and keep going until you do it three more times. He doesn’t care if he gets messy. He’s a champ and he powers through and it actually turns him on a ridiculous amount.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

...he didn’t mean to do it, he just couldn’t help himself. It was one of the first times you slept at the manor, and you had to rush home in the morning - you quickly woke him up to say goodbye, but he was in the middle of a sex dream, and in all the rush you left behind your sweatshirt. Tim ended up holding it to his nose and furiously jacking off right after you left.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

He’s definitely messed around with a few people by the time he meets you, but he’s quite possibly a virgin. Tim takes a long time to open up to anyone enough to actually have sex with them, so he tends to stick to foreplay for a long time. However, this means he’s very, very talented at foreplay; he’s also a very quick learner, and he loves to spend a long time getting to know his partner’s body. So, yes, he definitely knows what he’s doing, he just might be a little shy at first.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

Cowgirl or the face-off. He loves being topped, and watching you on top of him is heaven for him. Plus, he can get to your clit easily in these positions. He’s totally happy to experiment with any positions you like, though.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

Tim’s generally more serious - he doesn’t get much time with you, and he wants to be fully involved and focused in the moment. Especially for the first few times you have sex, Tim has a very intense focus about him, and he’s totally concerned with your pleasure. Once he learns your body more, though, moments of goofiness and laughter can shine through.

H = Harmony (do they like music in the background?)

Once Tim gets his hands on you, everything else is tuned out. He couldn’t care less about what’s going on in the background. The one exception to this is if there are other people in the building: Tim tries to have some background music or radio to seem less suspicious. 

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

Tim’s only really likely to have sex with you if he genuinely loves you, or at least cares about you very deeply. You can feel this in each of his touches. It’s as if he’s in awe of you, literally worshipping your body, and there’s a very specific kind of gentle, loving intensity. If you’re taking charge, it’s quite common for him to gasp, god, you’re perfect, I love you so much-

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

Outside of a relationship, Tim almost never jacks off. He often goes months without touching himself, simply because he never allows himself to relax enough to do so. He’ll only ever do it if, for example, you inadvertently get him so riled up that he can’t control it any longer. Even once he’s in a relationship, he rarely does it. He’d prefer to wait for you. Phone sex is the big exception, though - regular business trips are made a little easier by hearing your voice.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Masochist, femdom, bondage (on you or him), vibrators and cock rings, risky/semi-public sex, fingering, sensation play e.g. ice, blindfolds (on him), hair pulling, hickeys (on you), edging, sending nudes

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

1. The bedroom

2. Shower

3. Office/kitchen counter (tie)

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

The easiest way to turn Tim on is, simply, to let it be known that you want him while also encouraging him to relax. Press up against him when you kiss him a goodbye on the cheek in the morning, and you’ll be in his head all day. Run your nails down his shoulders while you massage them. Coax him into bed because you ‘can't sleep without him”. Tim is always lowkey horny, you just have to get him thinking about sex.

Once you get going, Tim very easy gets caught up in everything. He lives to hear your moans and watch your expressions. The more pleasure he gives you, the more he wants to give.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

No sharing. Tim has enough insecurities, and he doesn’t want that amplified by getting someone else involved. He also doesn’t want anything that has the potential to cause real harm (e.g. knives) - pain is fine, but he would never forgive himself if he genuinely hurt you. As for turn offs, Tim doesn’t like anyone who is too full of themselves or overly arrogant. He also hates someone who acts too aloof.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

Tim does enjoy giving oral - especially after you’ve came once or twice already - but, again, he’d honestly prefer to finger you or at least have his hands involved. He finds it stupidly hot if you sit on his face. He doesn’t care if he can’t breathe, he’ll literally grab your hips and pull you down onto him harder.

He definitely prefers to receive (he isn’t selfish, he repays you) since it’s one of the only times he can completely let go. As much as he knows it’s a cliche, he goes absolutely crazy for a blowjob under his office desk. 

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

He usually goes for a slow, intense pace if he’s in control. He wants to savour every moment and each one of your reactions; that means a steady, thorough pace, so he can angle each one of his thrusts just right. However, when he’s particularly high on adrenaline (or jealous) he adopts a faster and less sensual pace.

If you’re taking the reins, Tim’s a sucker for a rougher pace. Tease him by going slow at first, then work it up so you’re practically bruising his hips with how hard you’re riding him, and watch his eyes roll right back into his skull.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

Of course Tim prefers to take the time to really indulge, but his schedule doesn’t often allow that. The majority of sex with Tim is probably quickies. For example: in his office on his lunch break, on the kitchen table before leaves for work, in a side alley on a quiet night of patrol. He also loves a quick phone call in the middle of meetings. Once you figure out how to rile him up enough and get him in the mood, you’ll receive a lot of frantic and desperate calls.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

Obviously. He gets off so much on knowing there’s a risk of being caught, pressing his palm over your mouth while he buries his own moans in the crook of your neck. He’s much less keen on risking any harm to you.

As for experimentation, Tim is all for it, but you have to give him time to research it first. He needs to be fully prepared and informed for anything he does. Tim’s actually pretty likely to suggest new things, depending on whatever he finds during this research: especially as he becomes more experienced, he suggests a lot of new things to try together (pegging). He trusts you completely.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

Pretty good stamina - enough to make you come at least once, but he usually chooses to slow down and pace himself so he can make you come two or three times (<3). He kind of loses it and comes fast if you ride him hard and maybe push him down, but he’ll make up for it. Tim’s entirely capable of going two or three rounds if you’ve got the time and the energy; this generally happens when he comes home after a few weeks away. If you’re feeling down or insecure, though, there’s at least 2 rounds of body worship coming your way.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

I’m just gonna say it. Tim has a butt plug. He busts it out after particularly stressful weeks, and although it’s something he initially keeps quiet, he can be convinced to bring it into your bed if that’s something you’re into. He also loves it when you use cockrings or restraints on him. On you, Tim absolutely loves using vibrators.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Not the biggest tease at first, but the real teasing comes when he starts edging you. Tim doesn't necessarily mean it in a cruel way - unless you’ve asked him to - and it’s more in a way of building you up to an even stronger orgasm. He feels a little bad if he teases you too much. Even when he’s playfully flirting, he never really takes it far enough for it to become teasing - he prefers to stay vaguely suggestive and let your mind do the rest. For Tim, it’s all about you teasing him.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

Lots of breathy moans, pants of your name, and this can sometimes devolve into whimpers as he gets closer to his orgasm. He doesn’t often verbalise, since he’s normally too far gone to actually string sentences together, but when he does it’s praise. He’s not ridiculously loud but his moans are pretty much constant, and occasionally you get one out of him that the neighbours definitely hear.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

He comes on the spot the first time you bite his shoulder.

X = X-marks the spot (where’s their favourite place to give/receive hickies)

Tim doesn't exactly have a possessive streak, but he can become easily insecure and likes to know that you're clearly ‘his’. He loves to leave hickies across your collarbone, just low enough that they can be covered if need be, but he secretly goes wild if you leave them just poking out over the collar of your shirt. He thinks they’re a little juvenile, though, so he doesn’t mark you unless something sets him off.

He has quite pale skin and bruises very easily. This makes him a dream to leave marks on. He tells you not to, since they’re a pain to explain to the family, but if you suck bruises into his hipbones during a blowjob he’s going to have to bite down on his hand to keep quiet.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

As above - he’s pretty much always lowkey, background-level horny. Tim is always up for sex, as long as you get him thinking about it for a few hours beforehand. In the average week, Tim will probably go for sex around two times, but this can be more if you’ve been apart for a long time beforehand.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

You’ve got about ten to fifteen minutes to clean up, tell him how much you love him, and get back into bed before he’s out like a light. On the upside, Tim’s very cuddly after sex, and you’ll wake up wrapped in his arms.

[jellybeanbeing]

Favorite Books of 2020

I read 50 books this year, here are my top favorites:

9. Chain of Gold by Cassandra Clare // One of my most anticipated books of 2020 and it did not disappoint. This wasn’t the first Shadowhunter book I’ve read and so I was aware going into this one that, with this being the first book to a new series, there was gonna be some info dump and A LOT of build up. I wasn’t mad at it though. Besides that, I can already tell that this series is going to be my favorite in TSC. The story is already so complex with such vibrant and interesting characters and character relationships. I cried my eyes out at the end of this book because I could just feel the pain in certain characters and I am so ready to be hurt with the two upcoming books.

TRIGGER/CONTENT WARNINGS: substance abuse, emotional manipulation

8. Get a Life, Chloe Brown by Talia Hibbert // This was the first ever adult romance book that I read, and boy, did it make me fall in love. I had no idea what I was going into when picking this up because I had never read an adult romance novel, and I was soooooooo pleasantly surprised that it sent me into an adult romance book binge. This is still at the top because hot damn, the relationship was just fantastic. It was sooooo cute, and what I loved so so much was that the characters had lives outside of their relationships. They grew individually while still engaging in their relationship. It never felt boring or stilted. It was so refreshing to read that. The amount of communication and comprehension that was present was amazing. The smut scenes were just fucking perfection. I loved everything about this book! 

TRIGGER WARNING (provided in the author's note of Get a Life, Chloe Brown): "This story touches on the process of healing after an abusive relationship."

7. You Deserve Each Other by Sarah Hogle // Let me just say here that this is suuuuuuch a romantic book. There were so many lines that had my heart aching and crying. This was the first book I read where the lovers to enemies to lovers trope existed, and after this one, I want more. I looooved the regrowth of their relationship, seeing the two become friends again, and really really communicate with each other and listen to each other. It was so goddamn cute and wholesome and endearing. This book was also so humorous and I found myself actually laughing at certain parts. One thing that I really really appreciated was that though the book’s perspective was only from one side of the relationship, it never pinned all the blame on the other person. This was a story that could’ve easily turned into that, where the other person is the bad guy, but it was acknowledged that both sides were at fault for the falling out of the relationship. I had such a great time reading this one!

6. The Kiss Quotient by Helen Hoang // I fell absolutely in love with this one, especially after a brief reread. It is sooooo freaking cute and easy going and wholesome and romantic and perfect. I love the two main characters and how well they fit together. They understand each other and respect each other and care for each other so so deeply. The communication was so perfect, the smut scenes were top tier amazing, the growth of their affection towards each other was so cute, and everything was just great. I loved the family aspect of this one! It felt natural and genuine. This book was just everything good.

5. Kids of Appetite by David Arnold // One of the last books I read in the year, and here it is! This reread was well overdue. Anyway, I loved it! I loved it way more than my first read. The found family trope in this one was literally so perfect and felt like a warm hug. I LIVE for the friendships in this one. I absolutely loved how everything tied together at the end and how everything was connected. It made me so emotional, and yes, I did cry. A lot. The romance between Vic and Mad was also really cute and wholesome! The grief that was explored in this one was also so so good. It felt so personal and it made my heart ache. Yes, this book will still remain as one of my all time favorites. I loved it.

TRIGGER/CONTENT WARNINGS: PTSD, physical abuse, death of a loved one, murder, violence

4. The Right Swipe & 3. Girl Gone Viral by Alisha Rai // Okay, but these are top fucking tier romance books! I’m grouping them together because they are part of the same series (Modern Love). I’m usually not a fan of social media or modern day lingo in books because I do find it cringy but I don’t know, it fucking works in these two for me. The Right Swipe is a second chance romance, and I loved it! Rhi and Samson have such great chemistry and their banter was so good. Girl Gone Viral had me smiling like an idiot throughout the whole thing. It was so fucking cute! Also, it was my first bodyguard trope like book, and I like it? Anyway, what I love about both books is how great the communication and comprehension is between the couples. They understand the other person’s boundaries and have conversations like mature people. I also LOVE how the main characters are so well developed and intriguing individually. There’s enough about both characters and who they are and how they run their lives where I felt a connection with them. I found myself caring about each character outside of their relationship and rooting for them. They grow individually but they also grow within their relationship. Also, what perfect endings these two have. It’s not at all cheesy (though I’m not opposed to them) and/or dramatic. They were so realistic, intimate, and heartwarming. And lastly, the smut scenes were chef’s kiss. Great. Fantastic. These two books are the best romance books I’ve ever read, and I will die on this hill saying that.

The Right Swipe TRIGGER/CONTENT WARNINGS: sexual harrasment (the book discusses sexual harassment in the workplace), emotional and mental abuse, healing after the death of a loved one, anxiety, mentions of panic attacks

Girl Gone Viral TRIGGER/CONTENT WARNINGS: PTSD, mentions of unhealthy eating habits (restrictive), emotional and mental abuse, depictions of panic attacks, anxiety

2. Deposing Nathan by Zack Smedley // This was my first book of the year, and yes, it is up this high because it was so great and memorable. I read this at the most perfect time in my life. I was initially really exciting for it, and I was so happy that it matched my expectations. While the book’s main focus is on the events of what happened that led to the start of the book, it deals with such as topics about sexuality and religion. It was such an emotional and intense book for me, and I felt like this book poured out the thoughts that were swimming in my brain. I loved the characters and how certain things played out. None of it to me, felt unrealistic. It was genuine and heartbreaking while still a bit heartwarming. This book is truly a gem, and I will love it forever.

TRIGGER/CONTENT WARNINGS: child abuse, physical abuse, emotional abuse, mental manipulation, violence, homophobic slurs, homophobia

1. An Ember in the Ashes series by Sabaa Tahir // With how much I posted about this series, it’s no surprise that it’s numero uno on this list. I love this series with my entire soul, being, existence, it is literal perfection. Yes, I’ve had my fair share of complaints about this book series but fuck that, it is sooooo good. The characters are so amazing and complex, and their development over the course of the four books is so emotional and heart wrenching. I found a part of myself with each character and I was (and still am) so attached to them. The romantic relationship, the familial relationships, the friendships, all the relationships were so well done. I could feel the true connection in every dynamic. I love it so much that it hurts. The plot itself is so fucking good. The slow world building it has is one of my favorite things. It allows you to take in the world slowly and at a good pace. It continues to grow and evolve and reveal itself the further you go with each book. The dialogue is fucking fantastic. It’s flows so well and is well done. Yes, it gets fancy but it’s soooooo smooooooooth. The writing is just sooooo beautiful. Gorgeous. A beauty. I have different posts dedicated to my favorite lines in each book, and boy do they hit the emotional spot. This book series has had such a huge impact in my life and the fact that it’s over doesn’t even feel real. I have cried for five days straight because I won’t get to read this series or about these characters anymore, like I HAVE NEVER DONE THAT BEFORE. Not to mention that the tears are also because of book four and the bittersweetness it left me with. I could go on for days about how absolutely amazing and fantastic this book series is. I would highly recommend it. Get wrecked by it. Love it. It will hurt your soul.

TRIGGER/CONTENT WARNINGS: mentions of rape, mentions of sexual assault, violence (some scenes are graphic), murder, death of loved ones, depictions of grief, PTSD

[skips-is-asleep]

Fanfiction Review Except Not Really It's Just Me Rambling on About the Fics In my Bookmarks on AO3 

Now it’s time to talk about what is actually my favorite favorite, The Great Empire of HIC

Before we really get into it, I have to mention that my favorite book of all time is a fictional biography of a woman in 17th century china called Snowflower and the Secret Fan. It’s from the perspective of a poor girl who, due to circumstances from fucked up Chinese traditions, result in her having a “Soul Sister” (i cant remember what it’s called in Chinese) with a rich girl of her same age and moves her up the social ladder while simultaneously bringing her friend, Snow flower, down the social ladder. The entire novel is her life from age 6 to her elderly years and it’s a fantastic book, definitely gay and I love it.

This is basically that book, but Solkat. This took me two days to read, and it was worth every second. I cried, and still cry many times when I read this. More focus is put on Karkat for sure, but I am a huge sucker for pining, and mutual pining. I think there’s a lot of comedy in this, I love the other characters in this, I love how it really feels like it’s not just a fanfic, like it’s actual canon or at least what actual canon would have looked like if we had more than just Pesterquest to go off of with a no-sgrub session.

This fic is also really good for tender moments, and for the angst, OH THE ANGST, the heartbreak, the grittiness. Even though Sollux isn’t there a lot of the time, it’s made up for the fact that Karkat just feels so fucking real. You feel his emotions with him. It makes you think “what would I have done in this situation” and then you immediately think “i would’ve fucking told Sollux when we were like 16 and still on Alternia but that’s not my business.”

And you think that because you’re not Karkat. Karkat would’ve kept it secret for decades, would’ve rather suffered than been an inconvenience or cause of pain for someone he loves WHICH BY THE WAY

I remember before I read this fic, i was talking to a good friend of mind about how Karkat would be the equivalent of “gay” on Alternia that. And by that, I mean, that Trolls are usually polyamorous, and that not being polyamorous is weird and not a lot of people vibe with that. Karkat is unique in that he’s monogamous, only wanting one partner at a time rather than multiple partners. He didn’t see anyone else while he had feelings for Sollux, and when Sollux had different quadrants, even ones that we understand as platonic and not necessarily romantic, he still felt jealousy. Thinking about Sollux having fuck buddies makes him uncomfortable and upset.

And when I was having this kind of conversation with my friend, I didn’t fully understand it from a troll perspective. Of course it’s easy to understand from a human perspective, humans are mostly monogamous. What I mean is that I didn’t fully process it. It didn’t sink in. But reading this. That shit stuck. That shit not only stuck, but fused into my very soul and took over like plankton in that episode of spongebob, walking me towards my doom of only ever seeing karkat in this interpretation, even though i LOOOOVE my pitch solkat so MUCH and very frequently indulge in it.

I dunno, i kinda like some of the cliche aspects to some of this. The drunk confessions, the drunk confessions again, I love hearing Karkat’s inner monologue. I love hearing how he bottles everything up and internalizes everything, and I love the inner conflict of a small part of him just screaming “kiss him already” and the larger, traumatized by his life as a mutant part of him squishes it very fast.

The moments before the REAL confession is so so so good.

I LOVE, i ADORE, these lines. These two lines happens pretty close in between each other, and you feel it. Sollux just got done grilling the fuck out of Karkat, who’s basically housebound due to specific circumstances and wrangled a love confession out of Karkat, who immediately afterward, ran away and got arrested basically. I think about that first screenshot a lot. I think about that whole SCENE, a lot. Cause if it were anyone else, Sollux would’ve just dropped it. Motherfucker broke his heart, now they’re dead to him. In the vault of suppressed memories you go, and on with my life away from you.

But it’s Karkat. You can’t throw Karkat in that vault, dude, and you know he’s putting so much energy into trying to get this information out of him BECAUSE there’s still something there. He still feels something and that’s why this means so much to him, the explanation from Karkat, obviously.

And when he finally does come out and say it, it’s so tender in the way it happens. The realization that he’s still so in love with Sollux and there’s not much he can do because he already blew it, and Sollux realizes it too, he realizes that not only did Karkat did what he did because he loveD Sollux, he still loves him in a way that shatters his very being and AH this shit makes me quake.

And in the scenes to follow, we see that love of Sollux that we also saw in the beginning, the way he describes him and admires him from afar and also not that afar. He can’t stand how much he loves him because to him, it means nothing, it’s clinging on to the past and holding him back.

See this? this is also fan-fucking-tastic. Like im running out of ways to describe how much i just love this writing. Do you see what I mean by the way Karkat thinks and the way he describes things? This level of detail and fine crafting, but for 500k words and you have my idea of heaven and happiness in it’s purest form. I could link ever screenshot of Karkat describe how beautiful he thinks Sollux is but we’d be here for ever.

One more thing, i swear. When the humans, and by that I mean just dirk and roxy, finally come into the picture, it’s also fucking genius. When Karkat discovers the word “love”, it makes me a little misty in the eyes. The entire time they were using troll language, I was feeling a little saddened, cause Sollux only had the word “pity” to describe this positive affection for him. There was no in between or combination that could make it feel right, and we don’t ever really hear or see them call each other anything official cause there is no word for it. There is no word for “boyfriend” that they can just pluck out of the air and use as a quadrant-neutral description of their love, because their love doesn’t really exist outside of the two of the. Do you see what i mean by karkat is “gay” by troll standards, or does that still not make sense to anyone lmao.

Please PLEASE just go read this fic, it’s a work of fucking art

[aelinbitch-archive]

You've probably said this before but what's your favorite aspect of the TOG series? I've only read like ten pages of the first book lol

aaaaa thank u for asking!! this sort of leads into something i’ve been meaning to talk about for a while so i hope you’re prepared for An Essay No One Wanted By Me. anyway this is a two-part answer, read below:

1. Aelin. Celaena. The main bitch, whatever you wanna call her lol. Without her I probably wouldn’t have cared about the series at all and wouldn’t currently be trapped in ToG tumblr hell reluctantly stanning a racist and homophobic series, but unfortunately when I was like twelve years old or whatever and read the first book I literally imprinted on Celaena like a baby duckling. To the extent that she became, like, the default avatar for all my maladaptive daydreaming and If I Don’t Project On Her At All Times I Will Die. It’s not like she’s the only thing I like about the series (I loooove a lot of the other characters, especially the gals, and the writing can be really great and engaging and cinematic) but Aelin has always been the supermassive black hole at the center of it all for me. I wouldn’t know how to even begin untangling her character from my psyche at this point. It’s honestly a little disturbing. Anyway. 

2. Part two is a quality of the series that I feel was unprecedented in its strength in the first five books of the series (ToG-QoS plus the prequel novellas) and really really disappointingly weak in the last two books (EoS-KoA). Like I said above, Aelin has always been my main interest in tog so I read and enjoyed the last two anyway, but I definitely felt the loss of this - “this” being the detail and attention paid to all different types of relationships between characters, and how rich and unpredictable those relationships were as a result. 

That sounds like kind of a broad, vague thing, but what I mean is that (in my opinion) rarely are romances and friendships and rivalries explored with such nuance, complexity, drama, and realism in most YA as they are in ToG. I remember reading Cassandra Clare’s books (lmao.) as a pre teen and loving those as well, but totally being able to predict who was going to end up with who, and finding the character dynamics to be pretty cut and dry. 

In ToG that’s not the case at all. Like, you’ve got Celaena and Sam, a really complex example of enemies to lovers to….. Tragically Dead Boyfriend Whose Demise Fuels My Guilt and Self-Hatred For Seven More Books, Lysandra and Aelin, two girls pitted against each other by their abuser who team up a year later to unlearn their internalized misogyny and kill him, and Aelin and Chaol, who… how do I even describe the ups and downs (and downs. and more downs) of their relationship. 

And that’s just three pairs! Pull the names of two characters out of a hat and I can almost guarantee essays worth of material could be written about them. Arobynn and Aelin? Aelin and Nehemia? Chaol and Dorian, as much as I hate both of them and feel that their relationship as been widely mischaracterized? All fascinating!!! No two people in those first few books are just friends, or just lovers, or just enemies. It’s always more complex, there’s always a history or tension or competing agendas or viewpoints that Fuck Shit Up. 

And benefit of that is twofold: one, everything that happens between the characters just…. lands so well. The betrayals and triumphs and losses and victories of The Assassin’s Blade and Crown of Midnight and Queen of Shadows (especially TAB) are fucking heart-stopping. It’s great character-driven entertainment!! Gripping and engaging and vivid to the point of being painful. 

And two, there’s no way to predict where a relationship is going to go. Aelin and Lysandra teaming up in QoS instead of returning to their rivalry? Who would have thought! Ansel and Celaena’s summer fling (they were in love. fight me.) ending like That? Holy fuck. Nesryn and Chaol breaking up in ToD? Oh shit! I fell for it again! Rowan and Aelin ending up together after everyone swore they were brotp in HoF? Hell yeah! Chaolaena seeming like endgame and then ending forever, with Chaol and Aelin realizing that the rift between them that began in CoM was something that would never sufficiently heal? Unprecedented. Fucking badass for a YA book to curve everyone like that. Tween me was shook out of her mind. 

(Important to note, though, that the downside of this style was that SJM couldn’t tell where ~unpredictable relationships and characters~ ended and fridging began, and as a result, not one but two woc were killed off to make white characters sad and it sucked beyond belief). 

Aaaaaand then QoS, the peak of literature, turned into EoS, and SJM just… gave up on all of that. I remember the first time Dorian and Manon met, and I was like oh, okay. So they’re going to end up together. And I was right. I remember that on this site, before EoS came out, before Lorcan and Elide ever fucking MET, people predicted the existence of Elorcan!! And they were right!! Like how fucking boring? Everyone is just paired off into completely predictable heterosexual ships and those are now the only relationships we get to read about (with a few exceptions, like Aelin/Aedion, Aelin/Fenrys, etc.). 

I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again: my least favorite thing about Manorian is not that I find the relationship to be shitty (although I do, I really do). It’s that Dorian is suddenly the only character Manon gets to interact with in any meaningful way. 

Like, are you kidding?! I want to read about Manon and Elide, Manon and Asterin, Rowan and Lorcan, Aelin and Lysandra, Aelin and Nesyrn, even if it’s not romantically (although some of them, like Manon and Elide, absolutely should have been, and the fact that not only was that ship very thoroughly sunk, but also they didn’t even get to TALK after QoS, felt like a real slap in the face to gay fans, but I digress), because those pairings previously had hella complexity and drama. But we don’t get to. 

And this trend that’s so painfully present in the last two books Sucks for two reasons: one, every relationship that isn’t romantic (which were previously some of the most interesting ones) is abandoned so that more time can be made for The Hets™ and two, the relationships that are romantic, now the only ones left, are totally fucking boring and predictable!! If two characters are interacting at any point (if one is male and the other is female, of course) then you know for a fact that they’re not only love interests, but endgame. 

And that makes me not care even when there is drama between them. Elide giving Lorcan the cold-shoulder for three hundred pages, and Manon and Dorian arguing, and Aedion being cruel to Lysandra weren’t compelling narratives to me like they should have been, because the whole time I was just thinking “but it doesn’t matter. I know it’s still endgame. There are no stakes here whatsoever; it’s a done deal.” Whereas Chaol and Celaena’s devestating breakup in CoM felt like (and was) suuuuper Real. An all-in bet on the wrong person. Crazy shit. 

And not that I think two characters should never have a happy ending together (I really like rowaelin and nestaq and I would have loved malide!) but imagine how much cooler and subversive and entertaining it would have been if Elorcan, which seemed soooo totally cute and endgamey and borderline like fanfiction throughout all of EoS just ended forever right there and then on the beach, with Elide turning to Lorcan and saying “I hope you spend the rest of your miserable, immortal life suffering. I hope you spend it alone. I hope you live with regret and guilt in your heart and never find a way to endure it” - and BAM. She never speaks to him again. He’s dead to her. 

I mean, talk about shock value! (See, Sarah, you can have shock value without killing of a person of color to make a white character sad 🙃). And I totally get that relational twists like that alienate fans more than just going the expected route and having them kiss and make-up does (I mean, the ending of Chaolaena in QoS certainly did, Jesus Christ) but I, Bella aelinbitch, personally live for that shit, and isn’t it only fair that all media cater directly and specifically to me? Lmao. But seriously, I do think it’s objectively more interesting, and that it keeps readers on their toes (I was on my ASS in EoS and KoA. Like. I was flat on my back sinking into the Earth). 

And there are still sort of… glimmers of the old way she wrote in the first few books, but it just feels like a tease rather than something that’s really explored and indulged in the way it was before, and it just ends up being more frustrating (like what was the point of Manon and Dorian not getting married at the end of KoA if I would bet my life savings that in World of Tog it’ll be confirmed that they’re either married or still together) and sometimes downright problematic? Like to return to a previous example, I think all the drama between Aedion + Lysandra was a result of Sarah’s previous (good) instincts to shake stuff up and complicate the character dynamics, but it backfires because when they end up together, it’s not ever… worked out? Or addressed? If you create really intense drama between two people, then that needs to show up in their relationship, no matter how happy they end up together. It doesn’t just disappear.

And despite the fact that her understanding of that concept (that shit between two people doesn’t just disappear like magic) is one of my absolute favorite things about the first few books, Sarah even went as far as to use the last two books to retcon some of the original complexity away, which makes me want to rip out my hair!! Like Aelin at the end of KoA just going “Love you Chaol and Love you Dorian xoxoxoxoxox best friends forever!!!” instead of having, like, any type of mixed feelings about the way these boys treated her? I mean, come on! 100 pages earlier Chaol was openly saying she should die instead of Dorian! Why is everything just peachy-keen instead of fraught with tension!! (I know why. I know. It’s because she introduced way too many characters/POVs/storylines as the series went on and didn’t know what to do with them all besides sideline the nonromantic ones and pair off everyone else boy-girl boy-girl down the line). Or if it has to be peachy-keen, why is the peachy-keeness never critically examined as, perhaps, a repressive mechanism for Aelin to avoid dealing with painful truths from her past? Now that would be interesting. 

(My ideal World of ToG would be just a transcript of the characters’ therapy sessions where Aelin realizes that her insistence that “Chaol and Dorian Are Her Friends!” is actually a way to keep herself safe emotionally and that she has plenty of reasons to hate them, and Lysandra realizes she should divorce Aedion lmao).  

Anyway tldr: The variety, complexity, depth, and unpredictability of the relationships in Throne of Glass was simultaneously the most realistic (sometimes relationships of all kinds fall apart or veer off in unexpected directions and love is temporary and the boy you met in the first chapter isn’t actually your soulmate and it doesn’t mean he’s a villain) and the most gripping and dramatic (I would have been totally chill if maeve and erawan weren’t a thing and tog was just like a medieval soap opera, that’s how entertaining the character dynamics were) thing about the series, and to lose that in the last two books because of Heterosexuality (and introducing too many POVs and not knowing what to do with them all)…. kinda devastating. 

This ended up being waaaaaay more complaining than it was talking about what I loved, but the only reason it bothers me so much is because it used to be so good!!! So just imagine the inverse of all the frustration I just vomited into this ask and you’ll have a good idea of how much I loved the series when things weren’t this way.

[frostironstrange]

what about tony and loki together wanting stephen (i'm curious bc i've never seen that possibility explored before) ps: i loooove your blog when i first read "express" i went crazy bc i couldn't find any more content for frostironstrange thank you so much for giving us more!!!

Express is a wonderful fic and I’m so glad I can help provide content to support the other people who came out of it shipping this.

Tony had saw Loki. Had seen him before, but not seen him. Not until the moment where Loki stood, pouring all the magic from his body into the infinity stones to jumpstart them after Thanos’ death as Thor screamed at him not to do this. Not to leave him again. Loki’s very soul had been exposed as he pulled on the threads of the universe itself, all the pain and all the lies he’d had to live leading up to this moment. Then the stones took to the magic, and in a moment they pulled from Loki his very core. His essence. They ripped him to shreds and for one terrible moment Tony though Loki gone and dead and the universe doomed.

But then Loki had done what he had always done. What he had so much experience in doing. He’d pulled himself back together, piece by agonizing piece and forced the stones to his will, reminding them who had given them life again and taking control of them as if it was his birthright. Maybe it was. Others had borrowed power from the stones, but in that moment with the whole damn universe watching, Loki had controlled them. They could not consume him like they had those before him, they could only be consumed by him. 

It lasted a thousand years and hardly a few seconds, then Loki had pulled the universe itself around him and from it he pulled back all those who had been lost and returned them as if they had never left. Peter was by Tony’s side, the guardians were returned, but even more then that, Asgard was restored and those lost in New York, those lost in Tony’s failings with Ultron and those lost in the battle before were all back. Safe. Home again. 

And then Loki was falling, the stones and him both now used up once more. Tony’s suit was barely working but somehow it found the power for Tony to lunge forward. Somehow Tony had caught him.

That had been two years ago. Tony had caught Loki and he’d never really let go since then. After everything, after Thanos and the exhaustion of Loki’s very soul Loki had been adrift. He’d confessed to Tony a few nights after he awoke that he’d seen the future up until he used the stones for the second time and after that everything had gone black. He’d assumed that he’d die there, and now that he’d survived he didn’t really know what to do with himself. Tony had understood and offered him a place as an Avenger. From there, Tony set about helping Loki find his place in the universe again. It turns out it was a lot easier to take care of someone else then it was to take care of himself, and it gave him a purpose in life. As Loki recovered, he learned to take care of Tony in turn. They ate together, taking turns cooking each day, they fought together on the battlefield and in the political world and after about six months they began to sleep together. Nothing fiery and passionate per say, just a soft rhythm that pulsed through every aspect of their relationship. Everyone said it wouldn’t last. 

But two years later, there they were as strong as they ever were. They were just as in love as before, working together and living together and happy. Loki had a job of sorts now outside of the Avengers, he worked with Stephen helping out those that needed magical assistance. He loved the work, Stephen loved the help and Tony loved seeing Loki happy and active.

There was just one thing, one small problem. One flaw in everything going on.

Loki and Tony felt as if they were missing something. Or someone. Someone wearing a long red cape who was always far too busy and yet made time for the two of them. Someone who came by once a week to eat dinner with them along with the other avengers and superheros around. Someone who smiled rarely but lit up a room like fairy lights when he did so. 

Yeah, the both of them had it bad for Stephen. The issue was, neither could understand whether he was interested or not. Sometimes Stephen seemed eager to spend time with them. Sometimes Stephen seemed flighty, ready to run if he sensed the slightest disturbance and it was frustrating them. 

So Tony took matters into his own hands. He requested Stephen meet with him formally, booked out his own schedule and had him and Loki taken off the rooster for that time period and he made tea for the three of them. Stephen was nervous when he came, but not overly so, and he seemed to settle a bit when handed tea singling that nothing too bad was about to happen.

“So.” Stephen began. Ever to the point. 

“So.” Tony parroted, a light of mischief in his eyes that made Loki do that little half-laugh Tony loved so much. Stephen flashed him a grin too but waited for him to continue. 

“So, over these past few months, Loki and I have been trying to… babe what’s the word you used? Court? We’ve been trying to court you. I love that word because it’s such a regal way to describe us being dumbasses and pining after you with weird half-flirting. We’ve been getting weird signals and the both of us wanted to know if this was something you’re interested in or not.” Tony finished off, trying not to let himself fall into a ramble. Stephen was looking at Tony as if he were mad, then quickly switched his gaze to Loki, as if expecting this to be some sort of prank. 

Loki gave a slight nod to agree with what Tony had said, but otherwise remained silent, waiting for Stephen to make his choice. He seemed to seriously consider what Tony had said, before finally speaking.

“I was unsure of myself, at first I thought I must be misreading your signals and distanced myself from you both. But, I guess I must’ve been correct the first time around.” He paused, realizing that didn’t answer their request.

“I think. I think I am interested, though I’ve had little success with relationships in the past, and little time for them, I would be willing to do my best to make it work with the two of you if you would have me.” His voice was softer then normal, but firm. 

There was still a lot to discuss. Boundaries, arrangements, schedules, but Loki couldn’t resist reaching out to put his hand on Stephen’s cheek in a silent question. Stephen gave him a little nod and Loki leaned in to catch him in a quick, soft kiss. It was their very first, and much later, a few thousand years and a million kisses later Tony would still recall it as his very favorite of Loki and Stephen’s kisses.