#I would have rather they lived and never lived it down the rest of their lives
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NOT A SECRET â paige bueckers
pairing : paige bueckers x wnba!fem!reader
synopsis : the bliss of winning the wnba championship causes a big slip up that exposes your relationship to the world
warnings : explicit language, alcohol, cigars and sexual innuendos (if you donât like the new york liberty, you can replace it with your favourite team idc)
note : i havenât checked for typos that thoroughly so⊠my bad
word count : 2.6k
Whatâs better than succeeding in life in almost every aspect? Sharing that success with someone you love and that loves you back, unconditionally and wholly. Meeting Paige Madison Bueckers had undoubtedly been one of the best things that life had blessed you with, other than your flourishing career. The two of you had met in 2019, both playing for team USA. Later on you would meet again at UConn, playing and succeeding alongside each other for the past four years. It wasnât until barely a year ago, that the two of you decided to be brave enough to confess your love. But sadly, everything must end for a new chapter to begin, and here you were, living a two and a half hour drive from her to chase your dreams.
Luckily for you, Paige was the most dedicated and passionate girlfriend in the world, making it her mission to attend as many of your games during the playoff season as possible. Today was no different. It was her birthday, her special day, and here she was, supporting you. Hoping to celebrate you, rather than celebrating herself.
You were pacing around the open kitchen of yourâextremely overprizedâapartment, the nerves and anxiety eating at you like maggots, heart pounding in your throat and hands sweaty. This was by far, one of the most important games in your life so far, if not more important than the game against Iowa only six month ago.
âHow about you stop walking around in circles and câmere?â Paige spoke up from her spot on the malta-beige couch, arm slung over the back rest as her neck craned slightly to look back at you.
âI canât, I feel like Iâm about to throw up.â You spoke, your voice coming out almost like a choked whine, wiping your hands down on your sweatpants for the umpteenth time in the past hour.
You only had an hour left until you had to be ready and at the Barclays Center. Two and a half hours until the final game against the Minnesota Lynx began. You were a mess, and no one could blame you.
Sighing at your distressed state, the blonde lifted herself off of the couch, walking towards you with sympathetic eyes. She hated seeing you this way. It wasnât the first time, and definitely wouldnât be the last, but it never burdened her. If you needed to cling to her like a lifeline, she would be there. Every. Single. Time.
âOh, baby. Câmere.â Her arms opened wide once she was standing a mere foot away from you, wrapping you into a hug. So tight and warm, so comforting and safe that for a moment, it felt like all your worries vanished into thin air. The only thing that mattered was the intoxicating scent and the protective warmth of your girlfriend.
You buried your face into the crook of her neck, arms wrapping around her waist as you allowed yourself to breatheâreally breatheâfor the first time since you had woken up. âIâm just scared. What if I mess up? What if I disappoint everyone and then Iâll be the rookie that ruined everything.â You mumble into her neck, voice slightly muffled but she understood you perfectly.
âHey. Hey, look at me.â Paigeâs voice was firm, yet it didnât lack the tenderness and gentleness you so desperately needed. Her hands snaked up, pulling away from the hug just enough to be able to cup your face in them. âThatâs bullshit and you know it. Youâre on top of the league right now, if not the world. This is not going to ruin your career. It is not going to diminish everything you have achieved and youâre sure as hell not going to disappoint everyone.â
With her hands cradling your face, thumbs brushing against your cheeks and eyes looking deeply into yours, you couldnât help but tear up. Maybe it was the stress, maybe the nerves, or maybe it was the reassurance and praise that not only her words offered, but her entire presence in that moment.
âYouâre going to be great, just as youâve always been. How many times have you felt just like this and ended up wiping the floor with everyone?â
The way she was looking down at you almost had your knees crumbling, so gentle and sincere. âYou think so?â Your voice was quiet, barely above a whisper and if it had been any other situation, you wouldâve cringed at yourself.
âBaby, I know so.â Paige didnât have to say more than that. It was enough to boost your confidence from basement level, to the roof.
You didnât say much either, choosing to bask in the moment, hands snaking up to lay over hers that were still cupping your face, looking up at her with glassy eyes and a faint smile. In that moment, it was only appropriate for you to inch closer, placing a soft and short kiss on her pillow soft lips.
A smile crept up on the blonde as you pulled back again, âSo⊠How about âpre-game good luckâ head?â
âWell⊠Wait, No! Iâm still in distress.â
The arena buzzed with a low hum of anticipation as you stood at the edge of the court, taking in the packed stands, the flashing lights, and the sea of Liberty blue and green. Your heart was poundingâthough you'd had nerves all day, they'd sharpened now that the moment was upon you . You scanned the crowd, gaze catching Paige's in her seat near the front. Paige's steadying smile softened the sharp edges of Your anxiety, and you exhaled, focus narrowing. This was it. The moment you had been working your ass of for. It was now or never.
As the whistle blew, your nerves dissolved like mist, replaced by the razor focus of competition. Everything outside the court vanished, your only objective now to take down the Lynx and bring home a win for the team. But as the first quarter unfolded, it became clear this game wouldn't go as planned. Your team struggled to find their rhythm, their usual crisp passes and quick plays seeming off. Shots were bouncing off the rim, free throws missed their mark, and the Lynx defense was ruthless. Every time you managed to drive toward the basket, you felt hands clawing at your arms, hips bumping you hard off course. You fought to keep your form steady, but even your own three-pointersânormally a guaranteed lifelineâfell just short. Beside you, Sabrina was playing through visible pain, her movements cautious, hindered by her UCL injury.
Paige's chest tightened with each missed shot and lost point, her eyes tracking your every move. She could see your frustration mounting, shoulders tensing after every failed attempt, and every bit of her wanted to rush down there, to shield you from the weight of this game. Tell you that she believed in you more than anything.
By halftime, the Liberty had fallen behind by nearly double digits. You felt your stomach knot and churn as you walked back down the tunnel toward the locker room, breath shaky, mind racing over every failed shot, every error. Before you knew it, hot tears were spilling down your cheeks, stinging with the shame of coming up short. You barely noticed the footsteps trailing you until you heard Paige's voice calling out her name, a beacon of comfort piercing her distress.
You slowed and turned, and there was your girlfriend, just outside the locker room door, her eyes brimming with concern. A teasing voice broke the tensionâStewie, giving you a gentle nudge on the shoulder. "Hey, save some of those tears for the win, rook. You're not out of this yet."
Despite yourself, you let out a shaky laugh, and then you were in Paige's arms, face buried against her shoulder. You clung to her, breathing in the familiar scent and drawing strength from your girlfriend's embrace. "I'm playing like shit right now," you mumbled, voice thick with disappointment.
She tilted your chin up, meeting your eyes with steady determination. "Hey, look at me. You've been through worse than this. Most of these people today are here to watch you. You're gonna go back out there and you're gonna play your game. I know you. You're not done." Her words wrapped around you like armor, steadying your nerves. With a last kiss on the cheek, Paige whispered, "Go show them who you are, Ma."
Buoyed by the reassurance, you returned to the court for the second half with renewed fire only ten minutes later. Your team began to close the gap, each player digging deep as they fought to find their rhythm. Your shots began to connect, and your movements were sharper, cleaner, feeding off your team's newfound energy. You could feel Paige's eyes on you from the stands, grounding you with every step.
By the time the game went into overtime, your team had clawed their way to a slim four-point lead, the clock ticking down the final seconds. With a fierce determination, you seized her momentâgripping the ball just past half-court, you made the reckless decision in a split second. You set your stance and launched a deep three-pointer, watching as the ball arched high into the air. The arena fell silent, everyone holding their breath as it spun toward the basket.
And thenâswish. The ball dropped cleanly through the net, and the crowd erupted, an unstoppable wave of sound crashing over the court. Your teammates surged around you, pulling you into hugs and shouting in joy, their faces bright with triumph. You felt the overwhelming relief, the weight of victory sinking in as tears of happiness filled your eyes.
Amid the chaos, your gaze instinctively searched for Paige, who was already standing by her seat, pride radiating from her. Without thinking, you ran toward her, your heart full to bursting. When you reached Paige, your threw your arms around her, catching her in a fierce embrace. Before either of you registered what you were doing, you pressed a kiss to Paige's lips, the world melting away in that single moment. You were on cloud nine and nothing could bring you down, anytime soon.
Paige held you close, tears shimmering in her own eyes as she whispered, "I'm so proud of you, Baby. You fucking did it."
And for the first time in a long time, you felt the weight of every struggle, every doubt, lifted, replaced by the solid warmth of love, victory, and the freedom to embrace who you truly were.
But then it dawned on you. The sudden realization of what you had just done and your face dropped, heart pounding impossibly faster in your throat all while Paige continued to hold you close. "Oh my god... Oh. My. God." You could barely manage to find the words, the guilt of what you had just done so impulsively hitting you like a wave and throwing you off that thrown you had been sitting on just a mere minute ago.
"I'm so sorry. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck... Oh god, I fucked up. The whole world just saw that, what do we do?" It was clear as day that you were panicking, the fear of disappointing your girlfriend eating away at you.
Paige however, didn't seem to have lost that smile on her face, her bright eyes almost blinding with the sparkle that shimmered in them, all while gazing at you. "I don't care. We've talked about this before, I want the world to know."
"Really?" Your voice was barely above a whisper, not trusting yourself to keep it from cracking in that moment.
"Yes, really. I would be fucking insane if I had anything against the world knowing that I'm not only dating the most wonderful person alive, but also a champion."
Your frown quickly turned upside down into a small smile, heart searing with love and pride. Not only were you a winner tonight, but with her on your side, you'd be a winner for the rest of your life.
"Now go and celebrate, you deserve it." The blonde began to release you from her grip, a soft grin playing on her lips.
"Come with me." You suggested instantly, not wanting to be apart from her for even just a second, if you didn't have to. "I wanna show off my prettier trophy on her birthday."
Paige's grin melted into a smirk, the sparkle in her blue eyes suddenly clouded and you had to make sure that your own eyes weren't playing tricks on you. "Your trophy, huh? Oh, I'm gonna fuck you so good when we get back home, champ."
Back in the locker room, the team was in full championship mode. As you and Paige stepped in, you were instantly drenched with a spray of ice-cold champagne, your teammates laughing and cheering as they each took turns celebrating. The room was filled with a mix of joyous shouts, laughter, and the sticky-sweet smell of champagne spilling from bottles held high. You could feel the bubbles fizzing on your skin, jersey soaked through, but none of that matteredâthis was the taste of victory, and you drank it in like the best moment of your life.
Stewie grinned, grabbing a cigar and offering it to you with a proud nod. âHere you go, rook. Youâve earned it.â
You took it with a chuckle, feeling the weight of the cigar in your hand as you looked around at your ecstatic teammates. You didnât smoke often, but right now, it felt like the perfect way to mark the moment. As you lit up, you took a slow draw and exhaled, watching the smoke curl into the air, feeling an odd thrill in the movement. Around you, your teammates roared in laughter and cheered you on, playfully tousling your hair and congratulating you as you relaxed further into the moment.
Paige stood slightly apart from the chaos, watching you with an expression of open admiration. Paigeâs gaze lingered on you, catching every spark of joy in your eyes, every smile, and every bit of laughter that spilled from your lips. She let herself soak in the sight, wanting to imprint it on her memoryâthis perfect image of you, triumphant and glowing, a little champagne-drunk and flushed from the celebration. She didnât care about the sticky residue of the champagne on her own skin or the faint smell of smoke in the air; all she could focus on was you, looking impossibly beautiful.
As you took another drag, exhaling the smoke with an air of confidence that was as charming as it was unfamiliar, Paigeâs heart skipped a beat. There was something about the way you held herself tonight, bold and carefree, that sent a shiver down Paigeâs spine.
You caught Paigeâs eyes and, with a giggle, took a playful step toward her, the effects of the champagne clear in your soft, relaxed gaze. âAre you okay over there?â you teased, tilting your head with a grin, clearly catching on to Paigeâs stare.
Paigeâs lips curled into a smirk, her voice low as she leaned in, brushing a hand along your arm. âOh, Iâm doing great,â she murmured, her tone filled with a hint of mischief. âJust⊠canât wait to get you home.â
Your eyes sparkled with a playful challenge as you smirked right back, the faint scent of champagne and cigar smoke hanging in the air between them. âIâm all yours in an hour or so,â you whispered, leaning in close enough that only Paige could hear.
âLongest hour of my life,â Paige replied, her voice barely above a breath, her eyes gleaming with anticipation as they lingered on your smile.
The locker room buzzed around you, but in that moment, you both were in your own world, two people tangled in a look filled with promises for later, ready to savor every bit of this winâtogether.
#âą ËËË vamptizm writes àżàŸ#paige bueckers#paige bueckers x reader#uconn wbb#uconn womenâs basketball#wnba#uconn huskies
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03:10 AM
(masterlist)
đpairing:Â bf!seonghwa x gn!reader đgenre: timestamp, comfort, healing, fluff đsummary: 3am, a time for overthinking. is love louder than your thoughts? đwordcount: 1k đwarnings/tags: unedited, introspection, lack of confidence, two people in love, kissing, cute sleepy seonghwa, writer is rusty đtaglist: at the bottom. would love to add you if interested <3 đa/n: oh how i wish to write again, to pour words onto pages and let my heart bleed into the ink. this timestamp is mildly inspired by maro's 'we've been loving in silence'. sorry for rustiness, and any love is so appreciated...
Everyone is deserving of love. Love in all its shapes and colours. A love that looks like a tender conversation in a tiny kitchen, a love that looks like unstoppable laughter under the starry night sky, a love that looks like unwavering dedication and adoration even when it seems impossible. Every person is worthy of a love that makes their heart feel full while being fully aware of the world and all its complexities, shadows and anguish. A love that gives one hope.
Sometimes, this complicated feeling looks like speeding down the city streets as a salvation in the time of trouble. It could even look like a distraught, disjointed embrace accompanied by a cacophony of sobs and stuttered breaths. Love can look like feeling anotherâs pain, living through it as if it is oneâs own. Love can mean heartbreak, over and over again until there is seemingly nothing left, and yet still the ground up powder of affection would be offered as a sacrifice to this mystery.
What is love to you?
You wonder, particularly on nights like this, when a blanket of calm covers the metropolis in which you found yourself, not too dissimilar to a shell being washed up on the shore to encounter a glorious, blazing sun. A twinkling magic on the other side of the glass greets you, and you rest a finger on the coolness, tracing distant shapes of building after building, only to haphazardly wipe it down with the edge of your sleeve. How did you end up in a place where you thought you would never be, feeling what you had sworn you would be unable to feel?Â
A gentle melancholy aches in your chest, etching the curves and edges of your ribcage, an incessant little bird, bubbling up that old sense of unease. What is this that you are living in? If you do not know, will it go away? The loud mind, an old friend and enemy, one which had accompanied you through all stages of your life, to find itself equally as bewildered as your heart, but a lot more terrified. Caught between bliss and a painful awareness of the unknown, you walk a tightrope blindfolded.
At least until a hand reaches out for you, warm, reassuring, and guides you across to an oasis. A beating heart, a familiar breath, palm pressed against your upper arm take you out of your spiralling musings, and beckon you to look in the direction of a soft, barely audible whisper of âmy loveâ.Â
You turn to meet Seonghwaâs eyes, endless pools of glistening brown sugar, enough to both extinguish and ignite, turn dark to light and wrong to right. A timeless poetry is in his face, the rhythm of his features casting a spell over you as you glance over them. These sleepy eyes, stunning nose and cheeks that bear a pinkish hue, plush lips caught in a miniscule pout, dishevelled hair that you know your boyfriend tried to tame, to no avail. You turn your body to meet him fully, and fall into his arms. They envelop you tightly, and you inhale the ghostly remnants of his cologne, a tantalising note of his, and your favourite shampoo, all intricately blended with fabric softener and cotton - put simply, you are home.
âWhy arenât you sleeping, hm?â he asks, voice still a little raspy. It must have been only minutes since he woke up to find you.
âIâm sorry⊠Did I wake you?â
âMm⊠no. Your absence woke me up,â you could cry, not that you would say it, or rather have to say it. Seonghwa knows how his words affect you anyways, judging by the swift squeeze of his arms before he returns to slowly rocking side to side.Â
âI just had a lot of thoughts. Wanted to get rid of them somehow.â
âWant to talk about them?âÂ
You are not sure if you would be able to summon enough courage to talk about what is plaguing you, at least now, in the semi-darkness of yours and his apartment, you feel far too fragile to look inside of the boxes you keep shuffling. Unbeknownst to yourself, you begin to bite your lower lip, trying to pick the right words. Any attempt to formulate whatever excuse you have been seeking inevitably fails as Seonghwaâs lips find yours, erasing your habit, erasing your worry. Caught off-guard, a quiet gasp escapes you, only to be rewarded by an airy chuckle.
âSo⊠not talking, then?â you press your face into the crook of his neck, sensing heat rising on your cheeks.Â
âYou surprised me, is allâŠâ you trail off, slowly guiding yourself upwards, but still being unable to meet Seonghwaâs gaze.
âIâll happily kiss all your worries away, if thatâs what it takes,â his tone is humorous, and the phrase is light-hearted. His glances into your eyes, at your lips, at the strands of hair that you know he will adjust for you like he usually does, holding promise and commitment. If you so wish, he will. If you so want, he will. If you so will, he most definitely will.Â
Your hands grip onto his sleeping shirt as you mumble a thanks, inching closer until your timid smile melts into his. A pleasantly languid rhythm, a moonlit paradise, drawing a masterpiece with your bodies until you are struggling to breathe. An adorable exchange of sweet nothings as you fill your lungs with air, no distinction of space nor time while you are in this trouble-less duet. A small peck on Seonghwaâs lips prompts him to pull you in again, eyes fluttering shut as he floats, flies, soars in love with you. You swear you can see the stars while the taste of his cherry lip balm lingers.
As you follow him back to bed, sinking into the sheets with a sigh, inklings of somnolence settle over your slow-moving intertwined bodies. His breath turns steady, a comforting rise and fall against your back. Seonghwaâs hand is over yours, thumb making random patterns on your skin.
âDream of me,â he says against your shoulder, grinning when he hears your sharp exhale.
This, this is love to you.
đtaglist: @shakalakaboomboo @charreddonuts @miriamxsworld @innsomniacshinestar @preciouswoozi @wooyoungjpg @wowie-hockey @hongjoongs-patience @jaehunnyy @maddkitt @ren-junwrld @marsstarxhwa @yeonjunnie @asjkdk @northerngalxy @my-loves-my-life @http-gyu
enjoyed? i would love to hear from you, it means the universe to me. thank you.
#kflixnet#k-labels#seonghwa fluff#seonghwa x reader#ateez fluff#seonghwa comfort#seonghwa angst#seonghwa x y/n#seonghwa x you#park seonghwa x reader#park seonghwa fluff#seonghwa imagines#ateez x reader#ateez fanfic#kpop writing#kpop writers#seonghwa scenarios#ateez au#seonghwa au#ateez#park seonghwa#ateez imagine#ateez headcanons#seonghwa#seonghwa healing#seonghwa fanfic#ateez seonghwa
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Love in verses (XXVI)
Chapter 26: âWell, how else are you to live except by denialâ
Hi! Here is a new chapter! This is one of my favourites, just⊠some adorable stuff!
I hope you like this chapter! Tell me what you think!
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Pairing: Hozier x fem!reader (professor!AU)
Warnings: slow burn, angst, hurt, hurt/comfort, tooth-rotting fluff in later chapters, some scenes in later chapters will have heavy sexual themes even if itâs not explicit nsfw description, so minors here
Summary: Your life seems perfect. You're engaged, your career is thriving as you become an assistant professor at Trinity College, and this Andrew Hozier-Byrne you're sharing an office with seems to be a nice guy you hope to call a friend soon. Life seems to be smiling at you... until everything goes sour. When your fiancé breaks up with you, your perfect world shatters. And when your colleague also gets his heart broken soon after, your shared office seems to be a curse rather than a blessing. But Andrew seems determined to mend your broken hearts... Will things finally go according to plan?
Word Count: 4227
Masterlist for the series â Hozierâs masterlist â Main masterlist
Earl
In Sitka, because they are fond of them, People have named the seals. Every seal is named Earl because they are killed one after another by the orca, the killer whale; seal bodies tossed left and right into the air. âAt least he didnât get Earl,â someone says. And sure enough, after a time, that same friendly, bewhiskered face bobs to the surface. Itâs Earl again. Well, how else are you to live except by denial, by some palatable fiction, some little song to sing while the inevitable, the black and white blindsiding fact, comes hurtling toward you out of the deep?
Louis Jenkins
The pain in your abdomen was a sensation you were used to, sadly. You recognized the pattern in the intensity, you knew it perfectly after years of suffering once a month. This month seemed to be particularly nasty though, and there was little doubt on to why. Your stress was so high these days, between your new job, your research, your career, and Frankâs bloody wedding⊠You were drowning, to be fair. Drowning in an ocean of emotions. You bent in front of your sink, waiting for the wave of pain to fade again, closing tightly your eyes, while the microwave beeped with the heating pad now reaching a burning temperature. You placed it on your stomach, not caring about your skin, only about the pain under it.
Damn⊠that was a bad monthâŠ
You stood straighter again, letting out a long and careful exhale, relaxing once more. Your head was spinning a little, but you didnât dare to eat too much for now, your nausea was too bad and you didnât want to end up throwing up. You settled for a bit of rice and an apple for lunch.
You were supposed to see Andrew this afternoon, but there was no way you could plan on fucking up Frankâs appointment at the tailor when it was hard to stand⊠At least, it was the weekend, you didnât have to deal with work, and could spend your day being a burrito on your couch while watching TV and eating junk food.
You were supposed to shop for groceries in the morning, but you didnât have the strength for that either, so you decided that you would get some food delivered for the rest of the weekend and would tackle the issue of not dying of starvation on Monday.
You sat down on your couch, at long last, heaving a sigh of relief. You held the heating pad against your stomach, covered yourself with a blanket and grabbed your phone while you turned on the TV.
You pressed on Andrewâs name on whatsapp while the tu-dum noise of Netflix echoed in your living room.
You heaved a sighâŠ
⊠you had forgotten tea⊠never mind, you were too much in pain and too tired to be bothered making some tea now that you were seated.
Back to your phone, you typed your message quickly.
Hi Andy! Sorry, but Iâm not feeling well today, gonna have to cancel for this afternoon. Weâll talk about our plans next week. Hope you have a nice weekend, see you on Monday! Xx
You pressed âsendâ and started browsing in the list of movies available on your TV screen.
Your phone lit up with Andrewâs name.
Sorry to hear that! Are you alright? Do you want me to drop you something?
You were too tired not to acknowledge the warmth that spread in your chest as you read his text.
Nothing to worry about, donât worry.
His answer was quick to arrive.
Are you sure? You want me to drive you to a doctor or something?
You chuckled at his obvious worry. He really was too sweetâŠ
No, Iâm okay. Period being bitches, thatâs all. I can handle it.
He answered with a thumbs up right under your text, right when you found Pride and Prejudice was on NetflixâŠ
Well, it looked like your afternoon was all set.
You cursed under your breath. You didnât have any snacks. Not even chocolate⊠and your kitchen was so fucking far⊠a whole ten steps awayâŠ
Damn you and your stupid brain.
You were surprised when you received another text from Andy.
So, whatâs planned for today? Did you get your groceries this morning?
You snorted at the mere thought.
Nah. Too much in pain. Too tired to go to the kitchen and make myself tea, so imagine going outside with people?! No, thanks.
Iâm gonna spend my afternoon with Mr. Darcy instead.
You waited for his answer, ignoring your TV now.
The Keira Kinghtley movie?
You sent him a thumbs up.
Will you hate me if I admit that Iâve never watched that film?
You almost dropped your phone.
YOUâVE NEVER SEEN PRIDE AND PREJUDICE?!
OH THATâS IT! DISHONOUR! DISHONOUR ON YOUR WHOLE FAMILY!
He sent a laughing emoji.
Youâve forgotten the dishonour on me and my cow tooâŠ
You couldnât refrain a laugh, even though it hurt your stomach.
You donât have a cow. But Iâll take it out on Elwood.
You could picture the grin on his face at the joke.
HOW DARE YOU! HEâS SUCH A GOOD BOY!
Elwood, my son, donât listen to the nasty ladyâŠ
You laughed again, but quickly stopped this time, the pain getting too strong.
You didnât think as you wrote your next text.
You could drop by and watch it with me.
You reread the text and realised your mistake; your eyes grew round. You were in your old pyjamas, you hadnât showered and had no intention to do so, your hair was a mess, you hadnât washed your dishesâŠ
You wanted to delete the text, but the blue symbols under it let you know that he had already read it.
Damn it!
I mean⊠Iâm in pain, grumpy and look like trashâŠ
So⊠maybe not the most pleasant way to spend your afternoon.
Feel free to refuse.
You waited for his answer, watched the dancing dots, until a text was received.
Iâd love to, actually.
Besides, I am not five, I know about menstrual cycles, thank you very muchâŠ
You bit on your lips as you hesitated.
Youâve never seen me like that.
 A pause. You guessed that he had rephrased his text several times.
Would that make you feel uncomfortable?
You thought about it for a second. Frank didnât really pay attention to that part of you. It was clichĂ©, but you knew he was making a conscious effort to acknowledge your period and how much of a burden they were to you. You saw it as him making an effort at the time. Now, you were worried Andrew would be the same, with typical disappointing male behaviourâŠ
And yet, you didnât care. You couldnât find a way to care. You couldnât imagine Andrew, out of all people, disappointing you on that. Perhaps it was naĂŻve, you werenât sure. Your answer was earnest anyway.
No
His answer came in a matter of seconds.
Give me forty minutes to come over then.
You smiled.
An hour then.
You laughed again at his answer.
GobshiteâŠ
You didnât select the movie for now and merely watched some crappy TV instead, with whatever was on.
You tried not to pay too much thought on how excited you were at the idea of Andy coming soonâŠ
Andrew ended up ringing at your door an hour and fifteen minutes later, proving you right about his time blindness, and the thought made you smile. You had washed your dishes waiting for him, using a fifteen-minutes break from the pain to stretch your legs and attempt to look like a human being. The pain was soon back with full strength though, and you gave up on the idea to change into a proper outfit. You remained in your comfortable pyjamas, tied your hair up to hide the mess it was, and went back to suffering on the couch, the heating pad growing colder and less effective, but you were too tired to get up again.
You groaned as Andrew rang at your door, forcing yourself to stand. You couldnât hold yourself completely straight, not with the pain in your stomach being now combined with a sharp stinging sensation in your lower back. You opened the door still, and welcomed Andrew with a genuine smile.
He was wearing his hair in a bun today, his glasses perched on his nose, and a warm smile on his lips as his gaze rested upon you. He looked gorgeous in a simple brown jacket, dark jeans and a black turtleneck. You couldnât refrain the way your heart fluttered at the sight, nor the butterflies that were added to your painful stomach.
âHey! God, you do look like shite,â he exclaimed, but there was worry in his frown despite the obvious teasing in his voice.
âThanks for the compliment,â you stuck your tongue out, and he couldnât refrain a chuckle.
He walked inside, took off his shoes and jacket, and itâs only when he set the bags on the floor to do so that you noticed them.
âWhatâs that?â you asked.
âGroceries.â
You looked up at him with a puzzled look.
âJeez⊠if you were busy this afternoon, you should have declined!â
He laughed, and you were more puzzled than ever.
âThese are for you,â he clarified, picking up the bags again.
You blinked up at him.
âFor⊠me?â
âYeah⊠you said you didnât get any groceries this morning. Canât let you starve! Come on, get a move on, these need to go in the fridge.â
You let him pass, followed him in your kitchen. He started to empty the two paper bags on your kitchen counter.
âI didnât get you much, just enough to last for a couple of days. Pass the weekend. Nothing that needs fancy cooking either, donât worry. Mostly pasta, rice, and a few vegetables and fruits. I also got some take out for tonight, so you donât have to bother with cooking today. Chinese, hope youâre in the mood for that. And then, the obvious ice cream, crisps and chocolate combo. Oh, and I bought you this tea! My mom recommended it once for menstrual cramps to one of my cousins, and itâs apparently pretty nice, so⊠thought you could use that too.â
He looked up at you then, after his little babbling. He frowned at your expression though, and you noticed the shift in his demeanour: the way he shrank, bending over himself instead of standing straight, with his full height. Trying to look smaller than he was, to occupy as little space as possible. He rubbed nervously at his collarbone.
âI⊠I thought it would make things easier for you. I⊠Iâm sorry if Iâm overstepping⊠if you⊠sorry. SorryâŠâ
But he was interrupted by your arms around him; you almost tackled him with the strength, and you heard the loud huff he let out at the impact. It took him a couple of seconds to close his arms around you too, but then it felt like he was unwilling to ever let go.
âThank you so much,â you mumbled into his chest. âThatâs⊠so fucking sweet, Andy.â
âThatâs nothing,â he tried to brush your thankfulness away, but you could hear in his voice that he was smiling again, feel that his body was relaxing once more. âI didnât mean to overstep⊠I just⊠I just thought it would make it easier for you.â
You spotted your favourite chocolate on the table, along with some ice-cream.
âThese are my favourite,â you whispered.
âI know.â
âYou didnât have to do thatâŠâ
âItâs nothing.â
You didnât say it. You didnât say that Frank had never done that for you. And Andrew did? When he wasnât your boyfriend? When he didnât even have feelings for you?
âDo you need anything else?â he asked, rubbing your back, and the caress was so soothing you were ready to cry. âPainkillers or something? I can go to the pharmacyâŠâ
âIâve got that covered, donât worry. Thank you.â
âRightâŠâ
Another cramp came breaking your embrace, you let out a groan as you held your painful stomach. You tried not to think of how your heart stumbled and missed a few beats when Andrew brushed a messy strand of your hair behind your ear.
âYou really donât look well. You should sit down.â
âI need to reheat my heating padâŠâ
âIâll do it. Iâll do that, love. Sit down, okay?â
âLoveâ⊠he had called you âloveâ⊠You wanted to cryâŠ
Why were you so affected by it? It was Andy. It was Andy, not Frank, and you wanted Frank, you wanted Frank, you wantedâŠ
He walked into the living room about 10 minutes later, carrying your heating pad under his arm, ice cream and some chocolate. He had to go back to the kitchen to fetch your two cups of tea.
âAlright⊠need anything else?â
You shook your head, and he settled on the sofa next to you. Readjusted the blanket so it would cover your feet. You didnât recognise the flavour of the tea, you reckoned he had made a cup of the one his mother had recommended.
You refused to name the feeling that was spreading across your entire body, the unbearable fondness aimed at Andrew that came with it.
I want Frank, I want Frank, I want FrankâŠ
âAlright, letâs watch Mr. Darcy getting rejectedâŠâ he grinned at you, as if he was at his happiest, as if he couldnât have thought of a better way to spend his afternoon than to watch Pride and Prejudice with you while nursing you back to health because you were on your periodâŠ
You scoffed, trying to hide the tears in your eyes by looking for the movie on Netflix again.
âHe doesnât just get rejected. They do get together at the end, you know?â
âThanks for spoiling it all to meâŠâ
âWait⊠you told me you read the bookâŠâ
He laughed.
âI did! I was joking, like⊠It was a joke. I did read it. I simply havenât watched any adaptation.â
âWow⊠Oh⊠so you havenât seen the one with Colin Firth either?! The BBC series?â
âNopeâŠâ he answered, popping the âpâ before taking a sip of his tea.
Two teabags. As always. The detail made you smile.
âOkay, that is going to be our next activity together.â
He laughed, but didnât contradict you, on the contrary.
âWell, I guess my next Sunday is all bookedâŠâ
âIndeed, it is!â you grinned, but your tone was too soft not to show how emotional the thought of spending another afternoon like this with Andrew made you feel.
He didnât comment on that, though, and you were grateful for it.
He reached for your coffee table, where he had put the two sets of ice-cream and spoons, and handed you one.
Your heating pad was back on your stomach, warm and effectively soothing your cramps. You seized the opportunity to eat a large spoonful of chocolate ice cream.
You moaned at the taste.
âAndy⊠this is perfect, I hope youâre aware of how amazing you are.â
He chuckled, but there was something a little sad in his eyes when he looked down at his food, a tinge of melancholy. You didnât know why.
âBribing you with chocolate is the way to your heart, then,â he joked, clearly stirring the conversation away from himself, while pushing his glasses higher on his nose.
âOf course,â you rolled your eyes, starting the film.
You exchanged another smile, while the movie started. You didnât realise your own movements as you scooted closer to him on the couch, and neither did he notice how he leaned towards you, until your arms were softly touching.
âYou have bewitched me, body and soul. And I love⊠I love⊠I love youâŠâ
You heaved a sigh after whispering the words in sync with Mr. Darcy, clutching at your heart, burying your face further in Andrewâs shoulder.
You werenât sure when you had ended up in Andrewâs arms, but you were now. He had wrapped an arm around your shoulders at one point, noticing how livid you had become because of the pain, how you had tried to withhold your wince but failed. And it was meant as a temporary anchor, a soothing gesture that should have lasted just a few minutes, until the pain subsided again. But when you relaxed once more, he didnât pull away, and instead of freeing yourself from his hold, you leaned closer, sank deeper into his embrace. And now, he was resting his long fingers on your waist, while you leaned into his chest.
Which was⊠better not think about boundaries and friendship and professional behaviour and all those limits you were breaking.
Meanwhile, Andrew was brushing a tear away, but you spotted it before he could pretend it hadnât happened.
âI know⊠I knowâŠâ you patted his chest, trying not to notice that you were touching his chest. âI cry every time too.â
âFor proof,â he chuckled, brushing your tear away with his thumb, making your heart stutter and expand to the point that you wondered how it hadnât broken any of your ribs yet.
âItâs Jane Austenâs superpower, Andy⊠we can do nothing against it,â you concluded before nuzzling into his chest again.
âIâll have to agree,â he nodded.
You noticed how his breathing was a little irregular for a moment, when you shifted to be a little more comfortable in his arms, but he didnât push you away, didnât move at all, in fact. Instead, he waited for you to settle again, readjusted the blanket on both of you, and stared at the end of the movie. His cheeks were turning a bright shade of red. You hated the thought that crossed your mindâŠ
There were but a couple of minutes left, it was the end: Mr. Darcy had walked across the moor already, he had declared his love and Elizabeth had accepted his hand in marriage. They were waiting for Elizabethâs father. You were staring at Andrew, the feeling of your gaze on him made him look down as well, catching your eyes with his. His hazel eyes, they looked so green now, in the rather bright light of the late afternoon, and the tears he had dried just before had enhanced that colour too. Green⊠like leaves bathed in sunlight during the summer⊠you loved that shadeâŠ
You didnât even notice when the screen went dark, when the credits started rolling. You were thinking of Andrew, of how sweet he had been all afternoon, of how handsome he looked now, how much turtlenecks suited him, how cute he looked with his glassesâŠ
He blinked a couple of times, as if he were coming back from a reverie, and looked at the TV again. You looked at his profile, found yourself longing to run your fingers through his short beard, noticed the red tainting the brown of his hair.
âWell, that was an amazing film,â he easily admitted, bringing you back to earth.
And indeed, the story was over. Mr. Bennett had accepted their union. Elizabeth would marry Mr. Darcy. All ended well. Black screen and a list of names, printed in white pixelsâŠ
You pushed yourself out of Andrewâs arms.
Back to reality now⊠and in the real world, you wanted Frank. You wanted Frank. You wanted FrankâŠ
You looked away in a hurry, and trembled at the loss of contact, when Andrew finally moved his hand away from your waist.
You kept on talking about the film for a while, but eventually, Andrew checked the time.
âI should get going, let you get something to eat. And I mean⊠something proper. Not snacks,â he teased, standing up and taking the remnants of your various snacks with him to the kitchen.
And you had to tell yourself that mantra again. Because your heart was aching at the thought of Andrew leaving. Which was ridiculous because you would see him in two days. Which was ridiculous because he was only a friend. A colleague, even. And it was ridiculous because you didnât want him, you wanted Frank. You loved Frank. You wanted the life you had with him back. You⊠you wanted Frank. You wanted Frank⊠You⊠You wantedâŠ
âAndy?â
He reappeared, coming from the kitchen, and tilted his head a little as a silent invitation for you to speak again.
âDo⊠do you want to stay for dinner?â
He stared at you for a few seconds, long enough for you to start spiralling and babblingâŠ
âUnless you need to take care of ElwoodâŠâ
âNo, my parents took him to the seaside today, theyâre keeping him for the night. Heâs living his best life, trust me. I bet my dad is giving him all the treats he wants.â
âOr like⊠I mean⊠youâve already spent your afternoon with me, even if Iâm sick and not the best company today, and⊠yeah, I totally get it if you donât want to stay, like⊠thatâsâŠâ
âY/N.â
âHmmm?â
âIâd love to stay.â
âReally?â
âOf course. Why wouldnât I?â
Because Iâm too much to take care ofâŠ
You merely shrugged in response, making him chuckle, clearly unaware of your thoughts.
âWell, if youâre not bored of me yet, Iâd love to stay for dinner.â
You grinned.
âGrandâŠâ you nodded, and Andrew disappeared in the kitchen again to prepare dinner.
Still, you noticed how he was smiling when he turned around, how he was blushing, tooâŠ
You ended up watching tv again after dinner. The pain wasnât as vivid as it had been during the rest of the day, and so you were more comfortable during that part of the evening. So much so that you started dozing off, as you were watching for the nth time how Luke and Han were trying to save Leia.
You had stumbled upon a rerun of the old Star Wars movies, and settled on the nostalgic feeling of these stories to end the day. Andrew was supposed to go home after the end of the movie, once the Death Star was gone and Leia was placing medals on the heroesâ chest.
Andrew had made you laugh with his best impression of Chewbacca, and you had made him choke on his glass of water with one of your jokes and snarky remarks. It was lovely, but you were so tired you neared exhaustion by now. So, it was quite logical that you started dozing off after a while, losing tracks of the story when Han and Luke were dressed as stormtroopers.
You hadnât noticed that your head had fallen on Andrewâs shoulder as you were falling asleep. You didnât notice how he stopped paying attention to the movie when you did. How his heart started pounding at how adorable you looked like this. He waited for a few minutes, to see if you would stir and wake up again, but you didnât. He stared at you for a moment longer, but you werenât aware of it. You werenât aware either of the longing in his gaze, of the smile on his lips as he watched how peaceful you looked in your sleep.
You blinked your eyes open again only when you felt something slipping under your knees and behind your back, felt the warmth upon which your head rested move.
âAndy?â you called in your drowsy state, still unable to understand what was happening, where you wereâŠ
âIâm here, love.â
That pet name again⊠were you dreaming it?
You reached up, held onto a soft fabric, and somehow, despite the fact that you had closed your eyes once more, you knew it was Andrewâs turtleneck.
âYouâre falling asleep, you need to go to bed,â he said softly, his voice unbearably low and deep, it made your heart skip a few beats and warmth spread across your entire frame.
And it sounded so reassuring⊠so safe⊠He was so reassuringâŠ
You nuzzled into his shoulder, breathing in his scent. His cologne, his softener, himâŠ
âCan I help you reach your bed? Can I do that? Is that okay?â he asked in the same caring voice, and you nodded. But then again, you would have accepted anything, for as long as you could remain in his warmth, as long as his voice came backâŠ
You realised then that he was slipping his arms under you, it took a moment longer for your brain to register he meant to carry you.
âI can walk,â you whispered, opening your eyes again and forcing yourself to look at him.
You were too stunned when he bent down to kiss your hair to argue when he told you there was no need, that he got you, that you could close your eyes again. You obeyed, having no strength left to argue, and you wrapped your arms around his neck when he stood up and lifted you off the couch.
He readjusted your position, and then you were vaguely aware of moving, while he walked through your apartment. You nuzzled closer, your forehead brushing his jaw and your entire body trembled as you felt his beard against your skin.
Too soon, he was gently putting you down on your comfortable mattress, tucking you in, under your warm blanket.
You blinked your eyes open before he could leave, found his hazel eyes looking down at you. He seemed so tall like this, standing above your bed.
âThank you, Andy. For everything.â
He smiled, gesture gentle and full of fondness.
âSleep well, Y/N. Goodnight.â
He tucked a strand of your hair away from your face, and the brush of his fingers across your cheek made you close your eyes for good.
Your last thoughts were of him, while you heard him move away from the bed, recognized the creaking of the tiles by the door of your bedroom.
God, you wanted him so muchâŠ
#hozier#andrew hozier byrne#the hoziest#hozier x reader#hozier x you#hozier x y/n#hozier x fem!reader#hozier fanfiction#hozier fic#hozier series#hozier au#hozier professor au#professor au#series#fanfiction#fanfic#writing
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stubborn princess and the silent knight.. !
a/n: ive been writing this for a month like guys life has been⊠life okay. ill do the kinktober listâŠ.. maybe soon . this isnt proofread and its kinda fast paced? idk guyys
warnings: drinking , kissing , âsecret identityâ , nothing 18+ yet folks
pairing: knight! megumi x princess! reader
you hated it, oh how you hated your father - the king, your mother - the queen, you even hated the maids and various servants who called upon you to serve your every beck and call. you hated it all, but you loved looking from your terrance down to the knights in training, the boy with jet black hair and a scowl on his perfect face.. oh how you loved to think of him while you swooned over the side of the balcony, clutching your chest in hopes he didnt see you staring so intently. the way he sparred with almost little effort put into the fight, the way his sword always glistened from his upkeep, the way hed wipe the sweat from his brow, but constantly ask to continue fighting.
oh everything about him was just so dreamy.. you'd write in your diary about him. about your fantasies.. about how you wished to be together one day - for him to teach you the way of the sword and for you to tend to his wounds when he ever gotten hurt.. you ached for just a sentence to fall from his pretty lips, just for one day call you his own.. to call you his princess.
your fantasy cut short when your father called you down for supper, he wasn't a bad man, he was no tyrant.. but you fell victim to his expectations. you were nearing 20 , unmarried and still unwilling to court- your parents started to grow impatient..almost everyday a new prince from a "far away kingdom" would trot his was to your throne to ask your hand in marriage, each answer stayed the same... a big fat no.
"my dear.. the prince of homsworth would make a fine husband would he not?
your father spoke, it broke you from your daydream.
"father, i dont need to wed yet.. besides wouldn't you rather i fall in love? have a man swoop me off my feet rather than settle for the next prince up.." you muttered the last part to yourself, your mother clearing her throat after you
"me and your father courted young- we didnt know it then but we were in love.. how shall you know love if you never experience it-" she went on and on, during about responsibility and what a good princess should act like... this talk again, always on and on about how a princess shall act - how a princess shall talk - how she shall dress.. all of it went through one ear and out the other.
supper always went this way, they argue and dispute about your unwillingness to marry, you tell them no and finish dinner, then you run away to your room and rest the night away.. you were used to this song and dance already- you lived the same day over and over again without fail.. it was tiresome. just as you were about to place your napkin on the table and push your chair away to excuse yourself, your father stopped you.
"ive arranged something, darling.. an escort. we are worried about you" he says kindly as he motions for one if the knights to step forward, dawned in nothing but chainmail and metallic clothing, the knight bows to you.
"he. is your personal knight. for your safety and for my own concern of you... sneaking out at night." the king adds on, your mother nodding in agreement. sneaking out? how dare they assume you of such low standard.. you may hate the constant reminder but - you still were a princess.. the future ruler of this kingdom.
"id never. you say with a scoff, standing up to excuse yourself, forgetting you now be followed by silent footsteps. they followed you from the grand hall, to the corridor, to the entrance of your bedroom. you huff and turn around, the idea of the knight following you everywhere both annoyed and excited you.. yes you hated the idea of not being able to sneak out anymoreâ but a knight? Your knight, that did anything youâd ask him to..
You sat and pondered at the door, awkwardly asking him if he were to follow you to your bedroom or stay out here- and much to your surprise the silent man turned to stand guard at your large double doors. You couldnât help but think..when did he rest? when did he eat? when did he have time to do.. anything? so many questions remained unanswered as your infatuation grew- mixed with the curiosity of who was under that mask.. you hoped it was the boy with the jet black hair.
âwell.. goodnightâ you spoke quietly , receiving only a nod in return.
that started you nightly routine for months.
each and everyday he would follow you around, do small tasks you asked of him, and everynight he would stand guard outside your doors. you wondered if he enjoyed this or secretly hated you.. you wondered if you were even kind enough to him for him to enjoy his job.
âoh well..â you whisper to yourself at night as you covered your body with the thick blankets given to you from the maidens.. winter was coming fast.
the next morning you received notice that your knight would be gone for the day, apparently he was leading some other younger recruits in training, so you had a replacement ! he was much more.. talkative than what youre used to. you thought it was fun, speaking to him almost all day.
his name was yuji , he apparently been training here for years and is on the same rank as your knight which you learn is named megumi.
âmegumi has always been like that, quiet i mean.. its not because he hates you he just takes a while opening up!â yuji heard all about it, he wanted you guys to be buddies. especially because he wanted to secretly also be buddies with the princess, but that was besides the point.
âim sure if you keep being kind to him, eventually he will start talking âmaybe talk about his interests ! i think its just fighting though.. occasionally ill see him writing in a little journal too!â yuji exclaimed excitedly , you nod.. maybe thatâs exactly what youâll do.
the next few days went by quickly, you and yuji became a bit closer and your father started to slowly stop asking you about marriage since every single time you just ignore him or say ânoâ . today was the day megumi came back from training , unfortunately that meant yuji went back to his usual schedule but that didnt mean you couldnât visit him!
megumi was stoic as always, standing beside you as you walked down the halls of your castle.. you sigh as you turn to look at him.. he still had that damn helmet on.
âI heard from Yuji that your name is Megumi.. is that true?â You ask , a basket in your arm as you prepared to go to the garden
megumi could only hum, at least you got that out of him..
âright.. you know my name of course. i didnt take yuji to be such a talker, i thought all you knights were strong silent typesâ
before you could reach for the door he already opened it for you, leading out to the large greenhouse you kept.. you smile and walk ahead of him.
the sun was bright today, though it was approaching winter it seemed the winds were lower .. a moderate temperature. you walked into the greenhouse and started to tend to your plants, picking off a few you wanted to add to the pots around the castle
âso.. do you do anything other than this?â you ask, trying to get the silent man to open up. he stays silent for a while.
â.. i enjoy sparringâ he says finally, the deep rumble in his voice almost makes you crumble. you giggle at the answer.. of course he would enjoy something like that.
âright.. i see you guys usually from my balcony. it seems a bit harsh.. but i get it for practiceâ you continue picking flowers until the basket is full, turning back to the knight
âits a wonderful day outside.. shame we have to stay indoors and miss the festival.â you catch him off guard, a princess such as yourself being interested in the commoners dance? he and yuji participated often, mainly because yuji enjoyed them most of all.. megumi only went to make sure yuji didnt do anything stupid. the knight let out a hum, a noise that almost startled you.
âsounds like you donât believe me.. didnt father tell you why you are hired in the first place..?â You chuckle, picking up the basket of flowers .. he knew of the mischief you got up to at night.. he knew you would sneak out your bedroom window in a gown to fit in while you danced and drank with the common folk. he knew this all because you intrigued him.. from the moment he seen you watching his training on the balcony.
â.. yesâ he said simply, following behind you back to your room as the sun began to set. you were surprised he said anything.. his deep but smooth voice almost made you melt
âi know you leave the castle often.. you come back smelling of booze but you look- happy almost..â he continued until you both reached the doors to your room.
âthen..?â you turn to him, expecting him to just shut you down and make you go to bed.. but something about his demeanor today.
âthen.. i hope you dont get hurtâ he says under his breath, almost a silent way of telling you to enjoy yourself, of course he would be watching you all night anyways. he always did when you went out.. always.
the night progressed as usual, you went to your room and he guarded your door..except tonight was the night of the festival. at a shivering 2 am you dressed in a black gown and climbed out your bedroom window to join in on the festival! there was dancing and singing, chanting of prayers, drinks being passed about every which way, this is what you were missing being stuck in that godawful castle all your life, and now that you were older you were able to enjoy them to the fullest in secret.
you danced, you sang and you drank until you felt your body lighten and you never felt better. you couldnât help but feel a pair of eyes lingering on you that night.. more than usual at least. you stumble and make your way to the path that lead to a hidden entrance to the castle, one close to your room. you heave as small breaths leave your body.
footsteps trail behind you and you freeze, usually you never had an issue with people following you home or drunkards stumbling on the path, almost always finding a way to slip away undetected. you start to speed up as much as your heels would allow on the rough terrain. you almost fall until a pair of arms catch you, fear washes over you for a second before you hear him.
âAre you alright..â His soft voice hit your ears and you sigh .. that voice again
âFineâŠFine now.ïżœïżœïżœ The adrenaline washed over you knowing it was just megumi, his hands felt soft.. you turned to look at him finally, but he wore a mask. go figure i guess.
âI guess.. we go home now?â You say , almost as if you were inviting him- like you donât live together practically. You begin your walk he was silent for a while, just following you while you make your way to the castle.. going on and on about the festival as if you hadnât experienced the same things. He didnt care though, he didnt care that you talked so much about your day because he wanted to hear it from your perspective.
The night was young , once you two made it back to the castle and your room..it was like your conversation made time go by faster.. talking to- or rather at him was refreshing. Even if he was just behind a mask.
âWant to just.. come sit inside?â
â..Okay..â
How did those few words end up with the two of you in a dark room, making out like a couple of teenagers? You couldnt tell.. you complimented his mask, almost got him to take it off.. he convinced you maybe its better to turn the lights off and you.. believed him.
Now the two of you sit on your bed, hands roaming eachothers bodies in a hot , steamy , messy makeout session.. tongues clashing in a battle for dominance you were slowly losing. You didnt even care that he were your knight.. you didnt care about anything other than how he felt right about now.
that feeling didnt last forever.. soon the gasping of air filled the area , you wanted more, needed it..
but your eyes shut gently .. you feel sleep taking you away and by the time you wake hes gone..
âugh.. my head hurts..â
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It feels like I'm finally getting somewhere in processing this shit. The process has been helped along by rest, spending time outdoors, talking with chosen family, and rather surprisingly by watching the service from my local UU fellowship online yesterday. Kind of wish I'd gone in person now even though I haven't gone in a few years.
I also wish I hadn't scheduled my next therapy appointment so far out from election day...but I thought, really believed, that things would go differently.
This whole situation is ass. It hurts. I've been grieving and scared and hopeless. I've been feeling betrayed and let down and disappointed. I know that I have not felt these things for the last time.
But the question is how to continue without being consumed by despair? How do I accept and live in the current reality? How do exist in community with those who either explicitly voted for--or "protest" voted for--the incoming shit show? How do I support and show up for those who did not?
How do I put aside the fear and not let it guide my decisions in the upcoming days?
Watching the light creep in this morning, I've been feeling it's loss with each passing day. The longest night is yet to come...but it never lasts forever.
I think I'll be leaning into and holding on to that message especially hard this year.
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Random SP headcanons pt2
Pt 1
Tweek tried to, but ultimately will never, learn how to drive with heavy advice from his loved ones (Craig). Itâs too stressful. Itâs dangerous because of his anxiety and tics for others and himself. No driving for Tweek. Please.
Cartman doesnât make fun of Craig for being âhalf gingerâ because heâs a little scared of him⊠kind of.
Speaking of, Cartman showed Craig his own wiener (as per TxC) of his own volition.
Fat fucking crush on Kyle btw.
If Stan hates that he looks like his dad then he hates that Kyle looks like his mom btw. Because⊠alcoholic x radical canadaphobe?? Fuck knows.
Stan shakes on weed (no projection here). He canât feel it though.
Speaking of, Tweek canât feel his own shaking.
Cartman wishes that Kenny would act how he would / seeks Kennyâs validation, hence his criticism of Kenny of the most menial of things (ie. holding a candle in Put It Down).
If there was money for it, Karen would own a lot of stuffed animals.
Kevin and Karen do not carry the gene for red hair. Or blond/blonde hair.
Cartman loves his fucking grandma. (No projection I swear)
Jimbo holds some affection for Liane but is just a gay old fuck. Jimned 4eva
Did I mention in my last post I think, despite Mrs Valmerâs canon design, that Mrs Tweak has the biggest tits? Iâm saying it again if so
SHE AND RICHARD SCREW SO BAD I KNOW I SAID BUT PLEASE UNDERSTANDâ
I know I said last post that I didnât know how Tweek and Butters would be cousins but now Iâve decided⊠people can think differently because anything goes but for me itâs through both fathers. Tweak Bros. originates from Mrs. Tweakâs father and to earn the right to marry her he had to win him over and show his dedication to the profession
Richard and Stephen got grounded a LOT
Linda and Sheilaâs hair always smells incredible (so much product)
Sheila is the type of grandma to give out stale sweeties
The Marsh name ends with Stanley. The bloodline ends with both him and Shelley
Heidi is the mother of Kyleâs kids (coping)
Cartman only became homeless after his mother died
He never worked ever (garageman future aside)
Clyde got vaccinated guys we can all rest now (the bad future self came back to tell him to never do it but once the good future is put into play he gets vaccinated because there was no bad future to come back to tell him)
Clyde is very girldad coded, soz
Bebeâs dad is a bit younger than her mom (he is the ultimate girldad⊠Mr. Stevens I wish I knew your name)
Clyde gets more insecure about his weight / appearance as he gets older. For now he is young however so let him live (his pudge is the pudge ever and he is sonboy if not a carnal dream and a half⊠latter only in pcov ofc)
Mr. Stevens helps Bebe with her homework a fuckton (particularly maths)
Butters bites his nails
Butters (after growing up) loves strong women. Look at his Pcov design and tell me he doesnât want / have / respect a buff wife.
If Butters wasnât grounded as much as a kid he wouldnât have a fear of expectations as much as he does, meaning he would have probably gotten a better job than working in Dennybees or whatever it was called. Bro could have been a multi billionaire girlboss
I just want someone to hear this itâs not really a headcanon but BHLK Queen Thistle? LINDA STOTCH? Same character different nationalities istg
Kyle plays chaperone a fair bit to the guys
Kyle, Tolkien and Craig are the most sensible drivers out of All The Boys (Tolkien behind Craig and Kyle if Iâm being honest)
Kenny and Bebe (Bebe isnât a boy but YKWIM) are the fucking fastest / most reckless
Clyde and Stan are sort of not great but not bad drivers
Jimmy is rather close to Tolkien in terms of driving skill yk
Butters, Cartman, Tweek donât drive â Cartman out of laziness / expectation of chaperones, and Butters and Tweek out of stress⊠Tweek tried to learn though
Craig in later years drives Tweek everywhere
Tweek and Cartman have experienced heart attacks (in later years) but for different reasons to the other. Clyde has come very close. So has Craig, though not as close.
Tweek dies before Craig.
Stan dies before Kyle.
Butters dies before Kenny (ironically).
Craig visits Tweekâs grave with flowers every week??
Craig, as an old man, whereâs a lot of fucking cardigans. Grandpa shirts too (the things without the collars).
Tweek and Craig have matching anythings. Typically slippers.
Bebe is very handsy and sometimes possessive. Clyde thinks itâs âsweetâ. (The dudebro sweet not the romantic sweet through the possessiveness originates from romanticism).
In Pcov Clyde is a delivery man, actually
Out of all the couples, it would always be Clybe to cause the most hickeys
Bebe has a flatter ass than brilliant boobs (opposite for Wendy, though Wendy isnât flat chested)
Nichole bleaches her skin in the future (itâs sad but look at her design. Out of everything else itâs the most unrecognisable and itâs awful)
Nichole loves 60s/70s paraphernalia and fashion (the ultimate flower power child)
Wendy and Cartman fuck at least once in their lifetimes. They take it to the grave, but because of this Cartman doesnât die a fucking virgin
That sounds so damn harsh wth but itâs true (I think Cartman doesnât really have any labels moreso is just attached to certain people when itâs not just himself *cough cough* Kyle and Wendy *cough cough*)
Jimmy can see perfectly fine out of both eyes until he reaches teenhood
Jimmy has two brown haired alleles
Cartman doesnât make fun of Kenny or Craig for having a ginger / red haired parent because he thinks theyâre pretty cool. He lowkey ships them / wants to be them.
Cartman has the gene for ginger hair.
#south park#my headcanons#original post#eric cartman#kyle broflovski#kenny mccormick#craig tucker#tweek tweak#creek#craig x tweek#clyde donovan#bebe stevens#clybe#clyde x bebe#butter stotch#stan marsh#kydi#kyle x heidi#candy#cartman x heidi#long post#jimmy valmer#nichole daniels#post covid#tolkien black#mrs tweak#richard tweak#stephen stotch#sheila broflovski#shelley marsh
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Idk if there's enough people talking about what a gigantic energy drain Complex PTSD is. It's not just one single traumatic event, it's having lived in a traumatic situation for a long time. And in the case of child abuse, your entire formative life period. Everything is a trigger, anxiety is your default, and your brain keeps trying to keep you safe by yelling at you about everything you're doing "wrong", which will lead to pain. Your brain is a constant war zone, braced for attack, rarely relaxed, at least some part of you always hypervigilant. The stress it takes on your body is insane. It's why trauma is linked to autoimmune issues, heart disease, type 2 diabetes, and, according to one study, cancer.
Physical disability leaves you even more vulnerable and less able to live up to the impossible standards of control and "correct" behaviour your brain insists on, not to mention the free gift given to all patients of chronic illness that is medical gaslighting and patient-blaming, all of which simply compounds the trauma. Reduced physical and mental health obviously leads to systemic risk factors such as inability to pursue academic and professional qualifications, poverty and financial struggle, malnutrition, becoming unhoused or bad living conditions, exacerbated medical issues and further lack of medical resources, reliance on welfare and care networks, and becoming trapped in codependent, abusive or toxic relationships. The knock-on effects are endless.
This is all to sayâ if you're wondering why you can't seem to do more than the bare minimum every day when you haven't been diagnosed with a physical illness, or you're "not that disabled", or you think your symptoms are "just psychosomatic" (which means your brain is under so much intolerable stress that it's started taking a chair to the windows and destroying the furniture just to get you to NOTICE AND MAKE IT STOP): the answer is that your body is actually struggling under the kind of stress that kills trained soldiers and disables them for life. So stop trying to convince yourself that you're just not trying hard enough when what you really, desperately need to get your life on track is community, care, rest and ease.
#the medicalization of mental health is just capitalism trying to cover its ass#isolating physical and mental illness makes the entire medical complex an abject failure actually#''disease'' should refer to a state of being rather than its outcome imo#i've never heard of one that wasnt simply the visible symptom or ramification of the core problem or situation#like I'm grateful for the anti-depressants and bipolar meds and all but i just think a lot more problems would be solved#if someone gave me a place to live with peace and quiet and living assistance#i mean I'd still need the meds its not either/or#but I wouldn't need to be on ever increasing doses for the rest of forever#also if there was some kind of holistic understanding of health that bridged psychiatry with the fest of the medical complex#they could have taken one look at how badly I broke down at age twenty and worked to prevent my inflammatory disease being triggered#or at least not gaslit me about it for seven years until i nearly lost a colon#you just absolutely bloody cannot treat health as separate from socioeconomics and community support#this shouldn't be new or revolutionary#actually cptsd#complex ptsd#ableism#disability#healthism#child abuse#emotional abuse#domestic abuse#intimate partner violence#parental abuse#chronic illness#spoonie#knee of huss#mental illness#autoimmune disease#social justice#psychosomatic
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So, okay, things on my dash today have got me thinking about the whole âGlee over death / wishing death on peopleâ thing that is very popular on the Internet, and life in general it seems.  I will not lie and say that I havenât done this. I do outright imprectory (?) prayers sometimes. Itâs a matter of certain politicians, people in power and wanting them out of power because theyâre a clear and present danger to Democracy, my rights and the rights of people I love and innocent strangers, they are the creators of wars, so on and so forth. I hope every day that a certain person who puts chandeliers in his bathroom is found dead on the toilet beneath said tackiness from a random heart attack because I literally think he might be Hitler 2.0 if he meets with undeserved success again. However, when I think like this, Iâm always âIf it is the only thing that will get them out of power,â because, at the end of it all, I really would rather people SEE negative consequences for their negative actions. Itâs much more fun to me to watch someone who had no love for others and actively hurt a majority see his empire crumble. I like the idea of certain people (who, in all likelihood, never will) spending the remainder of their lives powerless and behind bars. So, I really donât want people to die, I just want them de-powered and it is much, much more fun to me to think of bad people rendered powerless in a non-lethal way. Jaiiiiil. Jaiiiiil for a thousand years! It feels like more of a punishment.  I feel the same way about mass-shooters. Most of those people go in with suicide in mind as well as homicide. They want to go out in blaze of glory, taking out a lot of random people before getting shot by a cop. (This is why the proposal for an automatic death penalty for them will not stop them). I much prefer the rare occasion when these monsters are taken alive, because that way, we can put them in the can and study them. The Buffalo supermarket shooter is going to be in prison for the rest of his life - and while I doubt heâll have remorse, he at least does not have freedom - nor the finality of death.  I donât cry for a bunch of billionaires who played stupid games and won stupid prizes. Iâm pretty apathetic. We need fewer billionaires in the world, so I do not grieve them, but I also do not celebrate, because it doesnât feel quite right to me. To me, Death is something that we will ALL face, one way or another, eventually. Unless the transhumanists actually succeed in transferring rich peopleâs brains into robots, they will die. You and I will die. I lost a very dear loved one this year, unexpectedly - everyone you love will die - I have been feeling this keenly. So, to me, death is not justice. Itâs just a thing that happens to everyone. Every time is âbefore your time.â Every time is âtoo soon.â So, you know, it feels hollow to me to wish death on anyone. I much prefer wishing consequences on bad people.  Sometime, the consequences are an âearlyâ death, but it feels like a get out of jail free card to me.Â
#philosophy#cw: death#oceangate#billionaires and their vanity projects#and kids and employees they force to ride#play stupid games win stupid prizes#death is not justice#why wish death on people when you can wish worse?#I know I am disappointing my hero Vash the Stampede#with my twisted take on the sanctity of life#but I am sick of the billionaire class#I'd rather just take their money and help the world than kill them though#dead submarine#It is okay to take dark humor in this#I would have rather they lived and never lived it down the rest of their lives#everyone laughs at them until they're 92#never get a job designing a sub again#bills for the rescue efforts#criminal charges for negligence#seeing the memes
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yeah like⊠we as human beings absolutely are NOT meant to live like this lol. this society is way too fast-paced with way too much pressure on everyone, but letâs just ignore that and focus on âbox breathingâ and mindfulness I guess.
society experiencing anxiety en masse Sunday nights because they have a work week ahead of them must be the signal of a robust and healthy system, right
#it will never fail to confound me how people never realize the problem isnât individualistic âoh I have the Sunday Scaries and GADâ#rather itâs about society and the way the modern world works#like ofc I think GAD is a legitimate mental illness and it would exist even if everyone lived on vacation for the rest of their lives#but itâs really over-diagnosed⊠if we all lived in communes where we took care of each other and grew our own food and stuff#- then I think the rates of GAD and acute anxiety would go wayyyy way down lol#and yet hardly anyone ever makes this connection or talks about it
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the soremik in my head is so vastly different from anyone elses idea of them that i fear if i ever speak out on the subject i'll have rocks thrown at me. but once again they are allowed to look but never touch. you have to expect this from me by now.
#.text#its for an actual reason this time outside of general preference though!#to sorey the best time to have told mikleo he loves him was before he met alisha. and then after. well. thats his secret now#i near constantly think about how sorey views his duty as shepherd. it is not just a title -- it is like chains.#he knows he is going to die some day. and its clear that after he becomes shepherd he knows its going to be soon.#i think a lot of the optimism sorey has is true. to an extent -- he believes the things he says to others.#but he knows some of them are lies.#its a kind of 'if i say it enough times and if i try hard enough then i can will it to be true' kind of mentality#which more often than not writes him off as naive and ignorant. and in some cases that is true. but in others he is often right. which is#why that optimism sounds like pure optimism rather than him trying to force things to turn out well#which is in turn connects to how he knows being the shepherd isnt something that comes without cost. it isnt just the weight that hurts him#and you know he knows this because the realization that he must become maotelus' vessel is not one that comes suddenly#to him. it has always been there. he knew this was going to happen. he does not fear it -- not entirely. it isnt the act of#sleeping or dying that scares him. its what comes after. but not for him. for the people around him.#he is never scared for what may happen to him. only of what may happen to others and how it affects them.#honestly the fact that this mentality came naturally to him is so startling... it came out of nowhere. only was this born#from the way that he loves and protects others. nothing else.#which turns right back around to mikleo. the shepherd is chained down by fate. he will not do the same to mikleo#i think he would do it because he believes hes protecting mikleo of the heart break. because more than anything sorey wants him#to live. after hes gone he wants mikleo to live. and i genuinely cannot think of their relationship as otherwise#because i know full well that the moment mikleo and sorey found out that sorey is human and he is going to die. it changed everything#even if it changed nothing it changed everything.#im going to love you for all of my life and youre going to miss me for the rest of yours. type of relationship.#not to mention sorey has this really large savior complex -- he knows he is hurting himself by doing this (by doing everything#really. the first thing that comes to mind is allowing alisha to become his sublord. if he dies because of their pact#but saves at least one life because of it. then so be it)#but is saving mikleo. which obviously isnt the case. thats never been the case.#but that is how it is and how it must always be.#sorry for the sorey essay. it will happen again
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On the road leading into the center of Concord, Massachusetts, there sits a house.
It is a plain, colonial-style house, of which there are many along this road. It has sea green and buff paint, a historical plaque, and one of the most multi-layered stories I have ever encountered to showcase that history is continuous, complicated, and most importantly, fragmentary, unless you know where to look.
So, where to start? The plaque.
There's some usual information here: Benjamin Barron built the house in 1716, and years later it was a "witness house" to the start of the American Revolution. And then, something unusual: a note about an enslaved man named John Jack whose epitaph is "world famous."
Where is this epitaph? Right around the corner in the town center.
It reads:
God wills us free; man wills us slaves. I will as God wills; Godâs will be done. Here lies the body of JOHN JACK a native of Africa who died March 1773 aged about 60 years Thoâ born in a land of slavery, He was born free. Thoâ he lived in a land of liberty, He lived a slave. Till by his honest, thoâ stolen labors, He acquired the source of slavery, Which gave him his freedom; Thoâ not long before Death, the grand tyrant Gave him his final emancipation, And set him on a footing with kings. Thoâ a slave to vice, He practised those virtues Without which kings are but slaves.
We don't know precisely when the man first known only as Jack was purchased by Benjamin Barron. We do know that he, along with an enslaved woman named Violet, were listed in Barron's estate upon his death in 1754. Assuming his gravestone is accurate, at that time Jack would have been about 40 and had apparently learned the shoemaking trade from his enslaver. With his "honest, though stolen labors" he was then able to earn enough money to eventually purchase his freedom from the remaining Barron family and change his name to John, keeping Jack as a last name rather than using his enslaver's.
John Jack died, poor but free, in 1773, just two years before the Revolutionary War started. Presumably as part of setting up his own estate, he became a client of local lawyer Daniel Bliss, brother-in-law to the minister, William Emerson. Bliss and Emerson were in a massive family feud that spilled into the rest of the town, as Bliss was notoriously loyal to the crown, eventually letting British soldiers stay in his home and giving them information about Patriot activities.
Daniel Bliss also had abolitionist leanings. And after hearing John's story, he was angry.
Here was a man who had been kidnapped from his home country, dragged across the ocean, and treated as an animal for decades. Countless others were being brutalized in the same way, in the same town that claimed to love liberty and freedom. Reverend Emerson railed against the British government from the pulpit, and he himself was an enslaver.
It wouldn't do. John Jack deserved so much more. So, when he died, Bliss personally paid for a large gravestone and wrote its epitaph to blast the town's hypocrisy from the top of Burial Hill. When the British soldiers trudged through the cemetery on April 19th, 1775, they were so struck that they wrote the words down and published them in the British newspapers, and that hypocrisy passed around Europe as well. And the stone is still there today.
You know whose stone doesn't survive in the burial ground?
Benjamin Barron's.
Or any of his family that I know of. Which is absolutely astonishing, because this story is about to get even more complicated.
Benjamin Barron was a middle-class shoemaker in a suburb that wouldn't become famous until decades after his death. He lived a simple life only made possible by chattel slavery, and he will never show up in a U.S. history textbook.
But he had a wife, and a family. His widow, Betty Barron, from whom John purchased his freedom, whose name does not appear on her home's plaque or anywhere else in town, does appear either by name or in passing in every single one of those textbooks.
Terrible colonial spelling of all names in their marriage record aside, you may have heard her maiden name before:
Betty Parris was born into a slaveholding family in 1683, in a time when it was fairly common for not only Black, but also Indigenous people to be enslaved. It was also a time of war, religious extremism, and severe paranoia in a pre-scientific frontier. And so it was that at the age of nine, Betty pointed a finger at the Arawak woman enslaved in her Salem home, named Titibe, and accused her of witchcraft.
Yes, that Betty Parris.
Her accusations may have started the Salem Witch trials, but unlike her peers, she did not stay in the action for long. As a minor, she was not allowed to testify at court, and as the minister's daughter, she was too high-profile to be allowed near the courtroom circus. Betty's parents sent her to live with relatives during the proceedings, at which point her "bewitchment" was cured, though we're still unsure if she had psychosomatic problems solved by being away from stress, if she stopped because the public stopped listening, or if she stopped because she no longer had adults prompting her.
Following the witch hysteria, the Parrises moved several times as her infamous father struggled to hold down a job and deal with his family's reputation. Eventually they landed in Concord, where Betty met Benjamin and married him at the age of 26, presumably having had no more encounters with Satan in the preceding seventeen years. She lived an undocumented life and died, obscure and forgotten, in 1760, just five years before the Stamp Act crisis plunged America into a revolution, a living bridge between the old world and the new.
I often wonder how much Betty's story followed her throughout her life. People must have talked. Did they whisper in the town square, "Do you know what she did when she was a girl?" Did John Jack hear the stories of how she had previously treated the enslaved people in her life? Did that hasten his desperation to get out? And what of Daniel Bliss; did he know this history as well, seeing the double indignity of it all? Did he stop and think about how much in the world had changed in less than a century since his neighbor was born?
We'll never know.
All that's left is a gravestone, and a house with an insufficient plaque.
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Banished
jason todd x fem!reader
aka jason misses his girlfriend
warnings: extremely mild angst, heâs just mopey (heâs fine)
Jason sits slumped over the kitchen island, head lying in his crossed arms. His now soggy cereal disregarded after barely a few bites.
Dickâs been rummaging through the cabinets for the better part of twenty minutes and Tim sits atop of the nook table shoving donuts in his mouth for the better part of thirty.
Damian trudges past them to the nook bench, taking out a knife and beginning to whittle away at a block of wood.
He glances at Jason with a scowl. âIf youâre going to be so miserable, canât you do it in your own home?â
Jason just grunts.
He wishes. You and Bruce had conspired to trap him at the mansion for the week so he could heal from injuries sustained during the last mission without risk of him suiting up and sneaking away from you in the middle of the night.
Itâs not even the fact that heâs basically being babysat thatâs got him so disgruntled. He wouldnât mind it at all if you were here too. But you were dead set that the manor was too far out of your way for work, so youâd stay behind. A lose-lose for Jason.
âHeâs just mad his girlfriend kicked him out,â Dick teases, swiping through the fridge.
Tim snorts from the doorway, âMe too. Heâs a lot more depressing on his own.â
Jason kept his head down as he blindly reached for the spoon in his cereal and chucked it at Timâs head.
Tim catches it without thought, continuing, âA lot more irritable, at least. Why isnât she here?â
âSheâs gotta work,â Dick says, scanning through the pantry.
Damian peeps his head up from his project. âBut Todd has a rather large supply of less than legally obtained money, does he not?â
âYeah, but she said she wants to pay her own rent, I think,â Dicks hums, finally giving up on his quest for a snack.
Damian pauses.
âSo she wants to live in a tiny apartment?â He asks, a mixture of confused and horrified.
âWatch your mouth,â Jason mumbles.
âIt was a genuine question!â Damian protests, face screwed up.
Jason finally lifts his head up, turning to his little brother with a raised brows. âAnd Iâm genuinely going to break your nose.â
Itâs an empty threat, maybe. But it was enough to shut Damian up anyways. Jason turns back to his cereal and swishes the bowl around.
Dick rests his arms on the counter across from Jason and speaks lowly. âYou know, it is just a few days. Sheâs coming back.â
âYeah, whatever.â
Jason was never one for showing his feelingsâlet alone talking about them.
He misses you, plain and simple. Dick could see that much clearly, though the longing looked unfamiliar on Jason.
Bruce lingers in the hallway, just past the island, listening.
Heâll admit (to himself) that heâs worried about Jason. Itâs been three days and Jason has yet to show a crack in this demeanor. And while itâs not uncommon for him to stow himself away, there is something quite wrong with the way he hasnât countered his brotherâs jabs at him or teased them.
And while he could do without the blatant threats, heâs proud to hear his son defending his girlfriend, even over trivial things. Itâs one of the few moments where he feels like he did right by him as a father.
And now hereâs his son, caring about someone else more than he cares about himself. Someone whoâs a good person, no less. It had been your idea to trick Jason into staying at the manor, you were scared that he would push his body past its limit when you couldnât do anything to help.
Bruce knew you didnât feel great about basically banishing him for the week but he could see that you just wanted what was best for Jason. He could see it so clearly. Maybe Bruce could never have been a perfect father, could never have given his son everything he needed despite having more money than he could ever use. Maybe he couldnât help him, even now.
But you could.
Bruce peers around the corner, leaning up against the doorframe.
He watches Damian give up on carving at his block and start into the leg of the table.
He watches the bickering that broke out after Tim grab the last glazed donut, which was apparently the only thing Dick could possibly fathom eating.
And he watches Jason.
As Jasonâs phone lights up on the counter next to him. He glances down at it with a frown before his face absolutely lights up.
He scrambles to pick the phone up and starts typing away. A quiet action that catches the attention of all of his brothers.
He types and types, waits for ten seconds for a response and types and types againâsmile on his face.
The Waynes didnât need to be the greatest detectives in the world to know who he was texting.
âš reblog fics or face the block button âš
#jason todd loves his gf#jason todd x reader#jason todd imagine#jason todd fanfiction#jason todd fanfic#red hood x reader#red hood imagine#red hood fanfiction#red hood fanfic#dc imagine#dc x reader#dc fanfic#dc fanfiction#batfam x reader#batfam imagine#batfam fanfic#batfam fanfiction#jason todd x you#red hood x you#batfam x you#batfamily x reader#batfamily imagine#batfamily fanfic#batfamily fanfiction
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What if Steve is a famous model and Eddie is a rockstar, both still pretty down to earth that they move around without bodyguards...
They bump into each other at a corner, and literally bump into each other - Steve somehow lost his contact lenses and he's half-blind without them, his agent Robin is traveling, he'd rather lose both of his eyes than to call his parents, and so he's trying to get to a pharmacy/optometrist/somewhere else just based on memory and touch.
Eddie is walking, not paying much attention and listening to music, when he's knocked back by a very apologetic squinting guy who might as well be very pretty, if he looked straight at Eddie - which is very much not possible, as Steve later explains, Eddie is a very blurry blob to him, although a very kind blob. Also a really nice sounding blob.
When Eddie collects his things and his heart off the streetwalk, he offers to walk Steve to the pharmacy. After asking if it's okay, he offers Steve his arm and leads him carefully to his destination. Steve is still mostly staring at the ground, trying to fight blurry nausea, so Eddie doesn't really know what he looks like, except that his hair is magnificent.
They reach the pharmacy, Steve is so thankful that he wants to invite Eddie for coffee, but before he can do that, Eddie receives an urgent call from his agent and needs to leave.
They both - not without a tinge sadness - think they won't see each other again.
Except the next day there's a wave of tabloid headlines: "CORRODED COFFIN'S EDDIE MUNSON FINALLY SETTLES DOWN?! THE ROCKSTAR SEEN WITH REDKEN'S MODEL STEVE HARRINGTON!" and there are pictures of Steve and Eddie, side by side, and it really looks like a romantic walk rather than what it was.
When Eddie's agent Chrissy calls, half-amused, half-concerned, Eddie stops her with a single sentence: "Can you get me his number?!"
Chrissy snorts in the phone. "Give me an hour."
It takes her 33 minutes in total, and she secures a date with Robin for herself as a bonus.
And as for Eddie? He opens his message with "Hey Steve, how come you never told me it was a date? I would have brought flowers!" and gets an immediate response of "You would have, huh? Then bring some today at seven, the pizzeria next to the pharmacy. I like sunflowers. See you there, Eddie. And this time, I mean really see you."
The "see you" jokes stay with them for the rest of their lives.
#steve harrington#eddie munson#stranger things#steddie#steddie drabble#stranger things drabble#steddie au#steddie fanfiction#robin buckley#chrissy cunningham#buckingham
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â my wait is you
⥠closeted!abby anderson x fem!reader
synopsis: after deciding to stop seeing abby completely due to her inability to commit, she drops everything to make it up to you
a/n: from a req⊠im so sorry this sucks so bad & i did not proofread
warnings: closeted abby duh, owen gets his own tw, internalized homophobia i guess (?), mentions of crying, improper communication, secret relationships, kissing, sorta established relationship, whiney and needy abby, pussydrunk abs lol, dry humping (THE CROWD GOES WILD), face sitting, abby is a messy eater and a MUNCH, make up sex, mentions of strap usage, cursing, a little bit of angst in the beginning if you squint and turn your head away a little bit, fluff, cliffhanger idk if iâll make a pt2, and pet names
wc: 3.8k
The bustle from all the people in the dining hall made it impossible to think and in some ways that was comforting, yet everyone's presence was a bit too overwhelming at the moment.Â
You dropped a half finished sandwich into the trash, having no appetite after what you endured today. As you walk back towards your assigned room, the memories of Abbyâs betrayal come flooding back.Â
 It didnât take long for you to realize that she wanted to live a double life, one in which she was with Owen and another where she was with you.But you were not going to give her the pleasure of having both, not when itâs fucking with your head as badly as it is.
Today you had been assigned patrol with Abby, who you just so happened to be avoiding like the plague as of late. It was easier to avoid her, as you knew if she were to look at you with her kind eyes, you would give in to her every request.Â
Fate seemed to be against you, as you had the daunting task of facing her for almost an entire day. You brushed off every attempt she made to speak with you, your gun held tightly in your hands as the two of you left the base.Â
The gentle âheyâ that fell from her lips was only met with silence, your eyes focused on the path ahead. She knew you were pissedâ knew she fucked up badly enough to ruin everything the two of you had built together. But she just didnât know how to apologize to you for being unable to be openly out with you.Â
Tension between the two of you became so thick during your journey that you couldâve cut it with a knife, but you refused to budge.Â
Even when she tried to soothe you a bit by offering to stop by the old desolate book store the two of you had found, she was met with silence before you simply shook your head and looked away from her.Â
It was eating away at every inch of her being, her hands twitching at her sides as she yearns to get her hands on you. She misses being close enough to breathe in your sweet scent, misses the way your soft hands felt against her skinâ she missed everything.Â
To you, she was simply being a pain and rubbing it in your face that she had chosen to be with Owen rather than you. So during the entire trip, you remained silent and didnât allow Abby any comfort for once. She eventually went quiet, her jaw clenched tightly and her eyes narrowing at your form as the two of you got back to base.Â
And even now as you walked towards the door to your room, you felt anger bubbling within your tummy due to the fall out between the two of you. Just as your hand touched the cool metal of the knob, you felt two warm hands rest on your waist.Â
Your brows furrowed out of confusion, although you knew who was touching you just by the weight of their hands.Â
Spinning to face her, you push Abbyâs hands away and let a deep frown settle onto your lips. You offer her no words, simply taking her in as she stands before you.Â
She looks tired, frustration etched into her features as she gazes down at you.
âWhat the fuck was all that today?â she questions, her anger showing despite the quietness of her voice. Sheâs keeping it down as per usual, never wanting anyone to even notice the two of you interacting beyond work duties.
âYou havenât let me speak to you for weeks. I miss you, okay? I get that youâre upset with me but donât give me the silent treatment, just tell me I fucked up and letâs move onâ she pleads, her words so rushed from nerves that you barely comprehend what she has said.Â
Her words only make you want to scream at her, to make a huge scene just to show her how much she has hurt you. But you push it down, keeping your voice just as low as hers is.
âIâm not going to âmove onâ from you dating some asshole that you donât even like. Iâm tired of you using me to satisfy your own needs so find some other girl who is willing to be your dirty little secretâ you mutter bitterly, glancing down to notice the way her hands were flexing as she opened them only to clench them into fists once more.Â
âI donât want to see you anymore, Abby. And donât even think about knocking on my door when he canât give you what you want.â you seethe, turning your back on her and entering your room without giving her time to completely process your words before you slam the door in her face.Â
Abby is left wide eyed, her plush lips parted as she is left alone with your harsh words. She goes to knock on your door out of instinct but pauses, her brows furrowing as irritation and desperation make an ugly mix within her. She lowers her hand, now moving with a determined stride towards Owenâs room.Â
âĄ
With little to console you after the altercation, you had made the prompt decision to bury your face into your pillow and let your thoughts fade away as you fell into a dreamless sleep. It was comfortable, being so detached from everything around you even if it was only for a little while.Â
However, any solace you had found was ripped from your hands as a heavy knock sounds on the door. A low groan sounds throughout your small room as you blindly move your hand onto the side table to try and find the lamp.Â
Once the light switches on, another loud knock can be heard, the door shaking from the force. The second knock makes you rush towards the door, unsure of what to expect but believing it to be urgent.Â
That is until you swing open the door, the dimly lit hallway showing you a very broken down Abby. Her braid has become messy and loose, her eyes red rimmed and glassy. She looks like a kicked puppy, so lost and scared.Â
âI broke up with him, okay? Itâs done, I swearâ she blurts out breathlessly, not even giving you the chance to speak. The information takes a while to set in, the cogs in your mind slowly turning as you realize what she had said.Â
It was over. She was yours and only yours now.Â
Itâs hard to speak as you try to process everything, leaving Abby with an aching silence. Tears begin to roll down her rosy cheeks, a pitiful whine emitting from her.Â
âI know youâre probably still mad but please let me stay. You donât even have to talk to me if you donât want to, thatâs fine. I justâ I canât be alone right nowâ she whispers weakly, taking a step closer to you so that she is standing inside your room.Â
She sounds absolutely pathetic and you canât help but relish in this moment, her pain making up for all you had gone through these last few weeks. You let her come inside, simply shutting your door as a sign that she can stay for the night.Â
But youâre toying with her, knowing exactly where all these pent up emotions are coming from. You donât let her get too close, as you want to see just what she wants from you.Â
âThank you, thank youâ she breathes, relieved to at least be welcome in your room once more. Her shaky hand pushes back her hair to soothe herself, the ache in her body worsening as she realizes youâre wearing the smallest pair of pajama shorts she has ever seen.Â
Itâs enough to leave her feeling dizzy, her eyes flickering back up to meet your own. âYou look absolutely perfectâ she mumbles, no tears to be found as she feels countless weeks worth of energy beginning to boil over.Â
Her words make you feel all warm inside, as you know she is all yours now. You need her just as much as she needs you but you are unwilling to confess that just yet.Â
So you give her a soft hum of acknowledgment at her words, simply turning away and mindlessly rearranging your bed, purposely bending over so your shorts ride up just enough for her to see your panties.Â
Abby is falling apart in your hands, her eyes lingering on your ass far too long. She had spent these last few weeks picturing you just like this, her fingers buried in her cunt as she got off to the thought of you.Â
But now here you were in all your glory, and she wasnât about to let this opportunity pass. With a few quick steps, she is behind you, your back pressing against her chest as she pins you down against the bed with ease.Â
âWhat the fuckâ you huff, your brows furrowing as you try to squirm out of her grasp but to no avail. âIâm sorry, baby. Iâm so fucking sorry, canât you see that?â she whispers, her arms being wrapped around you so tight, scared that you would leave her at any moment.Â
Seconds after she speaks, her hips begin rocking against you, desperately humping your ass like a woman who had been deprived of something holy for so long. The warmth of her body combined with her little pleas makes you let out a soft moan, breathy and barely there but just enough to let Abby know that you are enjoying this.Â
âJesus, Abs. Mâ not going anywhere, calm downâ you mutter, your words broken up by how harshly she is rubbing up against you, her movements displaying just how needy she is. Her hold on you doesnât budge, simply focusing on your scent and how warm you feel against her.Â
She shakes her head feverishly, her breath warm against the back of your neck. âNeed to touch you, missed you so muchâ she breathes frantically, as if she were in some sort of frenzy that could only be soothed by touching you.Â
The way she rubs up against you has your core aching, desperate for relief that only Abby could give you. âMissed you too, fuckâ you huff, trying to be the one in power but failing miserably. Even in her desperate state, Abby finds a way to keep you dumb for her, your mind only filled with thoughts of her giving you the relief you have been craving for so long.Â
Your confession blows up Abbyâs ego a massive amount, her nerves dissipating since she knew the misery she felt without you was shared between the two of you.Â
âYeah, baby? You have a funny way of showing it. Youâve been such a little brat, avoiding me and not letting me touch you at allâ she grunts, the rocking of her hips faltering as her mind is flooded with a need to be closely connected with you.Â
âMâ sorryâ you huff, still a little frustrated by her previous actions which meant you were unable to be empathetic towards her. Abby pays you no mind as she stops grinding against you completely, helping you get back into an upright position by pulling you by your arms.Â
âCan you get on the bed for me, sweet girl?â she asks hopefully, unsure if you would even agree to what she wanted to do. Much to her surprise, you nod your head slightly and crawl onto your bed so you can make yourself comfortable.Â
Your chest heaves with anticipation, watching Abbyâs every move to try and figure out what she wanted to do. After taking off her boots and setting them off to the side, she gets on the bed, her large frame being rather intimidating as she spreads your legs open so that she can settle between them.Â
Sheâs laying on her tummy, nuzzling her cheek against your inner thigh affectionately as she keeps her gaze focused on you. âCan I taste you, angel? Been thinking about your cunt so much, need to see her againâ she mutters, sounding borderline delirious just from the idea of being able to lap at you like a woman starved.Â
âMmph, just a littleâ you say after a moment of thinking, wanting to remind her that being able to touch you like this was a privilege that only you could give her. A pleased grin appears on her lips as you give her permission, nodding her head eagerly.Â
âThank you, thank youâ she breathes out, pressing a few open mouthed kisses to your inner thighs that leave you aching for more. âGonna make you feel so good, need to make you comeâ she hums as she backs up, hooking her fingers under your little shorts along with your panties in one swift movement.Â
You feel so exposed to her, finding the feeling only adds to your arousal. Abby takes a moment to consider her options before she decides on exactly how she wants to do this.Â
She uses her thumb to rub soothing circles on your hips, her expression warm and comforting. âNeed you to sit on my face, doll. I wanna feel all of you, want to taste all of you. Is that okay?â she questions in a pleading manner, as if she would burst into tears if you were to deny her.Â
The request makes your heartbeat a little faster, knowing that Abby can barely contain herself whenever she is eating you out. But after weeks of going without her attention, youâre just as needy as she is.Â
âItâs okay with me, just wanna feel goodâ you whine, unable to mask your excitement now that she was soothing you completely. She takes notice of how eager you are and decides to make it her personal mission to make you come until sheâs decided youâve had enough.Â
âSweet thing, so eagerâ she coos, giving your hip a gentle pat as a sign for you to start switching positions. You are quick to follow her command, moving out of the way so she can lay down flat on her back. She waits for you to move, glancing at you only to find that youâve yanked off your t-shirt, the sight of you alone pulling a porn worthy moan from her.Â
âThatâs a good girlâ she praises, so pleased that you were completely bare while she remained clothed, as it only reinforced the control she felt she had over you. Shakily, you begin to move up the bed so that you can get into the proper placement.Â
With your hands holding onto the wall in front of you for stability, you manage to straddle Abbyâs head so that she can stare directly up at your heat. âSo fucking prettyâ she practically pants as she sees you in all your glory, her strong hands grasping your hips with a bruising grip.Â
Itâs not as if you minded, as whenever she decided to show off her strength you found yourself completely enamored. âYou sure this is okay, Abs? Donât wanna hurt youâŠâ you trail off slightly, not wanting her to be unable to breathe or anything like that.Â
âBaby, if I die with you sitting on my face, I will die doing what I loveâ she quips in a playful manner, wanting to help you relax. Her words make you smile in the slightest bit, the tension that coursed through your body now melting away.Â
âShut upâ you mutter playfully, her teasing remark making your tummy flutter. âAs you wishâ she states quickly, not giving any explanation before she pulls your hips down onto her face.Â
Itâs a bit of a shock to feel her gentle licks against your pussy, a low gasp being pulled from you as warmth spreads throughout your lower half. Sheâs being messy on purpose, now licking long stripes up and down your cunt, pausing for a moment to messily kisses your clit before moving her tongue lower.Â
The sensation is enough to make you tremble, your hands weakly grasping at the wall as you try to stay upright. âJusâ like thatâ you moan out, your folds so slick that Abby canât stop herself from moaning due to the complete mess youâre making on her.Â
Your statement entices her to work harder, now tonguing as your slit to test the waters. The position is almost too perfect, her nose bumping against your clit while she obscenely slurps up all your arousal.Â
With the pleasure being doubled, you find yourself unable to keep your eyes open any longer, now squeezing them shut as you let ecstasy course through your being. Broken up moans leave your lips as you practically hump her face, needing her nose to rub up against your clit just a little more.Â
There are no complaints from Abby, as it let her know that you were feeling good. She dips her tongue into your entrance, fucking her tongue so deep into you that you swear itâs almost better than when she fucks you open on her thick fingers.Â
âJesus Christ, sâ too muchâ you say after a string of pitiful mewls, your hips stuttering against her as the pleasure begins to reach its peak. She couldnât care less, as she needed her fix of you or she might actually lose her mind.Â
Your scent consumes her whole being, you taste heavy on her tongue. Itâs enough to make her ravenous, now using her firm grip on your hips to guide your movements so that you donât have to do it by yourself. Her tongue continues to stretch you open, fucking you at a rhythmic pace that keeps pace with the way she is rocking your hips against her.Â
In a complete daze, you grope your tits, trying to pretend itâs her hands instead just to maximize the goodness of the feeling. And it truly works, as all the pleasure combines to make something completely blinding and overpowering.Â
Itâs everything youâve been craving since you began avoiding her and now itâs all yours.Â
âAbs, gonna come, you gotta slow downâ you whine, your lungs burning from the amount of effort it takes to breathe in properly. Your pleas donât discourage her at all, as all she chooses to focus on is that you are about to get off just from her tongue.Â
So she keeps her firm pace, burying her face into your cunt as if it were a sanctuary that only belonged to her. Itâs all too much, the way you can feel her spit coating your folds and you can only imagine how soaked the lower half of her face must be.Â
You can only whine as she refuses to yield and so you find yourself rubbing teasing circles against your hardened buds, trying to match her timing. And within a moment or two, you let out an incomprehensible string of words, moaning so loud that you knew others on the base will be talking about the two of you tomorrow.
You couldnât care less, too focused on the way the band that had tightened in your tummy had finally snapped and left you feeling euphoric. Your cunt clenches around Abbyâs tongue as you come, a low whine leaving her as she feels your gummy walls tighten up even further.Â
You ride it out, practically bouncing against her since it was hard to move properly even with her help. But it all becomes overwhelming so quickly that you raise your hips the best you can, Abbyâs hold on you fading away since she knew you needed time to recover.Â
After carefully changing your position, you lay down beside her, your breathing still being labored and you canât help but smile at how much Abby is panting alongside you. The stickiness between your thighs doesnât bother you much, much more focused on the girl who was lying beside you.Â
You turn onto your side, facing her enough so that you can give her a sweet kiss. You can still taste yourself on hee tongue, shivers coursing through your form as she eagerly kisses you back. Itâs lazy and messy, both of you being so tired out. So you let her tongue glide against yours, moaning against her lips before she gently bites your lower lip.Â
She pulls away after she gets a small whine from you, a grin spreading onto her features. She is completely different from how she came into your room earlier, her eyes dazed and her whole being practically radiating warmth. You were glad to see the change, as after all that the two of you had been through, you both deserved some relief.Â
âYouâre a messâ you state playfully, noticing that her nose and mouth were completely coated with your slick. âGoodâ she quips, swiping her thumb against her chin to gather up some of your leftover juices and pushing the digit into her mouth to suck it clean.Â
The sight leaves you feeling flustered yet strangely proud that she finds the taste of you to be so pleasing. You press your naked body against her, needing some comfort after everything that went down today.Â
She is quick to wrap you up in her arms, not even caring if you make a mess on her clothes. âYou did so good, baby. Youâre all mineâ she hums soothingly, pressing a gentle kiss to the top of your head as you hide your face against her chest.Â
You donât reply, simply wanting to let her words sink in and make you feel safe once more. Abby would never force you to speak, especially when she can tell youâre so sensitive and tired. Itâs as if the two of you are having your first time together once more, but this time had much more being for both of you.Â
A comfortable silence falls between the two of you as she mindlessly traces shapes along your back to keep you at ease. But she just canât help herself, not when she has been aching to make you come multiple times.Â
âYou still got my strap, angel? I think you can take a little more, hm?â she questions, her voice low and soft. The suggestion has your eyes going wide, always amazed by her stamina. You were more than eager to comply, raising your head so you can nod quickly.Â
âGonna fuck you nice and stupid so you can sleep wellâ she states calmly, as if it were the most natural statement ever. With the way it rolls off her tongue with ease, you can almost convince yourself that it is normal.Â
A lazy grin crosses your features as you take in the idea of her burying her thick strap into your cunt. âSâ still in the closetâ if you wannaâŠâ you whisper timidly, suddenly feeling shy under her persistent gaze.Â
âOf course I want to, sweet girl. Tonight is all about you, I swearâ she states smoothly, giving you a quick kiss as she begins to get up to search for exactly what she needs.Â
Although youâre in for a long night, you couldnât be more excited to be sharing it with her.Â
#abby anderson x reader#abby anderson x female reader#abby anderson smut#abby anderson fanfic#abby anderson x you#abby anderson x y/n#abby anderson angst#abby anderson#abby anderson tlou2
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ïč đŹ ïč ââââUH OH, IâM FALLING IN LOVE.
đąYPNOSiS. you and heeseung have been rivals for as long as you could remember, constantly competing for the top spot in schoolâbasically everything. living next door to each other only added to the fire, the tension between you, especially when heeseungâs cocky aura never seems to waver. but one single encounter shifts the entire dynamic, leading to confusing emotions arising, jealousy, and new surprising revelations. what happens when rivalry starts to feel like itâs growing into something more?
àšà§ đAiRING. academic rival! lee heeseung x fem! reader, e2l, platonic jake sim! x reader.
àšà§ đENRE. frenemies to enemies to lovers trope, neighbours trope, slowburnish, she fell first, he fell harder, angst but vv happy & fluffy ending!! non!idol au.
àšà§ WARNiNGS. profanities, mean girl harassing yn, slight miscommunications, overthinking, heeseungsâ unfortunately vv dumb T-T, kissing, jealousy, insecurities, not proofread so expect spelling errors :3!!
àšà§ WORD COUNT. 10,283 | 10.2K
đđđđŹđiđŠđ§ ïč labyrinth, taylor swift, let the light in, lana del rey, white mustang, lana del rey, i love you, iâm sorry, gracie abrams, nobody gets me, sza, fishtail, lana del rey, bel air, lana del rey, intro (end of the world), ariana grande, daydreaminâ, ariana grande.
NOTE. after three days itâs finally complete:3 this is my first 10k+ work and iâm really proud of it!! feedback is always appreciated<3 ig this is another (late) birthday post for heeseung bc ilhsm!! ă
ă
LiBRARY | © won4kiss all rights reserved
YOU HAVE ALWAYS HATED LEE HEESEUNG IN ALL YOUR YEARS OF LIVING.
or at least, thatâs what you told yourself after your crush on him in freshman year, long before he decided he didnât wanna be friends anymoreâeveryday as you stared at the back of his head in class, as you watched him stride confidently down the halls, or caught a glimpse of him outside your window, you knew you hated him.
it wasnât hatred in the traditional sense, but rather an intense, gnawing resentment that had grown over the years.
he was your biggest rivalâhad been since childhood.
every achievement, every reward you earned, was always tainted by the fact that heeseung was right there, just a step ahead or a breath behind, competing with you for the same crown.
for as long as you could remember, it had been you and heeseung battling for the title of ânumber 1â in everything.
academics, sports, student councilâif there was something to win, one of you would, and the other would be left second place, seething with anger.
you both knew it, and so did the rest of the schoolâthe rivalry between the two of you was practically legendary.
and it didnât help that you were neighbors.
from your bedroom window, you had a perfect view into heeseungâs room.
the distance between the two houses was just a few meters, and if you opened your windows at the same time, you could practically hear each other breathing.
there were nights when you could see the dim glow of his desk lamp as he studied late into the eveningâno doubt working just as hard as you were, trying to maintain his title over you.
heeseung was infuriating, cocky, arrogant, andâworst of allâtalented.
it wasnât enough that he was smartâhe was also athletic, charismatic, and effortlessly incredibly popular.
heâd never let you forget it, either, there wasnât a day that passed without him throwing a smug comment your way about how heâd beat you in the last exam or how he scored higher in a math test by a single point.
âyou almost had me that time,â heâd say with a smirk, as if being second place wasnât a knife in your chest.
so, naturally, youâd responded in a way anyone else would, throwing curses and insults his way whenever you could.
it was a defense mechanism, a way to keep the bitter rivalry alive.
but deep down, you had to admit, there was something almost exciting about it.
heeseung pushed you to be better, to work harderâand while you loathed the look he gave you every time he won, there was something about his presence that you couldnât quite shake off.
then, one morning, everything changed.
it was a normal tuesday, and you were getting ready for school as usual.
the sun was barely rising, casting a soft golden light into your room.
you were standing in front of your mirror, adjusting your uniform, when something caught your eye from the windowâmore specifically, someone.
heeseung.
at first, you didnât think much of itâafter all, his window was right across from yours, and youâd seen him countless times getting ready for the day.
but then you realizedâhe wasnât just standing there, he was shirtless.
your heart skipped a beatâyou froze, eyes wide, as you took in the sight of him.
his hair was still messy from his slumber, and his skin was glowing softly in the glow of the morning light.
youâd never really thought about heeseung in any way other than as your obnoxious rival, but seeing him like thisâbare and vulnerableâyou couldnât deny that it did something to you.
you tried to tear your eyes away, but for some reason, you couldnât.
you felt your cheeks grow hot as you stood there, practically staring at him.
and thatâs when he turned his head.
he caught you.
heeseungâs eyes flickered toward your window, and for a split second, you thought maybeâjust maybeâhe wouldnât notice.
but then his lips curled into that familiar smirk, the one that always made you want to punch him, and he raised an eyebrow.
slowly, he stepped closer to the window, clearly amused by the fact that youâd been caught staring.
your heart hammered in your chest, this was the most mortifying moment of your life.
before you could react, heeseung opened his window, pushing it up with a soft creak.
his smirk widened as he leaned against the windowsill, his bare chest still on full display.
and then, he did something you didnât expectâhe motioned for you to open your window.
for a moment, you just stood there, frozen in place, unsure of what to do.
every fiber of your being screamed at you to ignore him, to pretend this never happened.
but there was something about the way he was looking at youâsomething playful, something almost⊠flirty? it sent your brain into a whirlwind of confusion.
with shaky hands, you hesitated, then slowly cracked open your window, just enough to hear him.
âwhat? did you enjoy the view?â he asked, his voice dripping with amusement.
your face flushed even hotterâthis was not happening. lee heeseung was flirting with you?
he had never flirted with you beforeâhe was usually busy insulting you or trying to one-up you.
but now? now he was standing there, shirtless, with that stupid grin on his face, teasing you like this was some kind of game.
âiâwhat are you even talking about?â you stammered, trying desperately to regain some sense of control. âi wasnât staring, freak!â
heeseung chuckled softly, the sound sending an unexpected shiver down your spine.
âsure, you werenât. itâs okay to admit it, you know? i get it. i am pretty hard to resist.â
you gaped at him, utterly speechles, was this really happening? was he seriously being⊠flirty?
your brain couldnât handle itâwithout thinking, you slammed your window shut, the sound echoing through the quiet morning air.
your heart was racing as you quickly yanked the blinds down, cutting off any possibility of him seeing your red, embarrassed face.
you leaned back against the wall, your hand pressed to your chest as you tried to calm down.
what the hell just happened? was this some new tactic of his to throw you off your game? to mess with your head right before exams?
or⊠was it something else entirely?
for the first time in years, you found yourself truly confused about lee heeseung, and that terrified you.
you tried to push the incident out of your mind, but it clung to your thoughts like a stubborn stain you couldnât scrub away.
that strange encounter with heeseung left you feeling unsettled, his cocky grin and the way his eyes lingered on you making you feel things you didnât want to acknowledge.
flirting. it was definitely flirting. but why? what was his angle?
in the days that followed, things got even weirder.
heeseung, your sworn academic rival, the bane of your existence, had suddenly⊠softened.
the mean remarks, the casual tauntsâgone.
instead, heâd been acting almost⊠considerate?
you noticed it first when you were walking into class one morning, arms full with textbooks and a coffee in hand.
normally, heeseung would be the first to slip in front of you and let the door slam shut in your faceâjust to get under your skin, of course.
but that morning, he held the door open for you, his eyes meeting yours briefly as he gave you a small nod.
âthanks,â you mumbled, confused but too caught off guard to say anything more.
he didnât say anything eitherâno smug response, no condescending smile.
he just let you walk through the door and quietly followed you inside. the whole thing was⊠unnerving.
then, during class, he didnât try to one-up you during discussions, didnât toss his usual gloating looks your way when he answered a question right before you could.
he was just sitting there, minding his own business.
you couldnât understand it. this wasnât the heeseung you knewâthe heeseung youâd spent years battling, exchanging insults, and outdoing each other.
this version of him, quiet and strangely kind, threw you off balance, and it only got worse.
in the hallways, heeseung started greeting.
not with his usual sarcasm, but with a simple, âhey.â sometimes, heâd even smile at youâan actual smile, not that infuriating smirk he usually wore.
you didnât know what to do with it. your brain felt like it was short-circuiting every time he looked at you, like you couldnât reconcile this new heeseung with the one who had spent years making your blood boil.
it wasnât just you who noticed the change, eitherâyour friends started giving you weird looks every time heeseung passed by without some snarky comment.
one day, your friend mina leaned over during lunch and whispered, âwhatâs up with heeseung? heâs been acting like⊠different lately.â
âi donât know,â you muttered, stabbing at your food with more force than necessary. âmaybe heâs finally grown up.â mina raised an eyebrow, clearly unconvinced.
âor maybe heâs just tired of pretending to hate you.â
you nearly choked on your drink. âwhat?â
âcome on,â mina said, smirking. âitâs obvious. heeseungâs been obsessed with you for years. heâs probably just finally figured out that he actually likes you.â
you scoffed, shaking your head. âthatâs ridiculous. heeseung hates me. weâve been rivals since we were kids.â
mina shrugged. ârivals, sure. but that doesnât mean he hates you. sometimes people use rivalry as an excuse to get close to someone.â
you didnât want to believe it. you couldnât believe it. heeseung liking you? it made no sense.
he was obnoxious, arrogant, and had made your life hell for years.
there was no way he suddenly had feelings for you. no. it was all some gameâsome twisted strategy to throw you off your game. right?
but then there was that nagging feeling deep inside, the one you didnât want to acknowledgeâ the same ones you felt not too many years ago.
the one that kept reminding you of how your heart had skipped a beat when you saw him shirtless through the window.
how your pulse quickened every time he smiled at you now, even if you hated to admit it.
the realization was creeping in slowly, like a slow, dread filled idea building in your chest.
the truth was, heeseung had always been more than just your rival. heâd always been the one person who could get under your skin in ways no one else could.
and maybe, there was something thereâsomething that went beyond the rivalry.
but before you could make sense of it, everything had changed again.
a few days later, you noticed a new face in school.
she was strikingâtall, with long, dark hair and a bright smile that seemed to light up the room.
she moved through the hallways with an air of confidence, making friends effortlessly.
within days, it felt like everyone knew her nameâyou quickly learned her name too: haerin.
at first, you didnât pay much attention to her.
she was new, sure, but you had more important things to worry aboutâlike the upcoming exams.
but then you noticed something that made your stomach twist in a way you couldnât explain.
heeseung was spending time with herâa lot of time.
you saw them together between classes, walking side by side, talking and laughing.
heeseung, who had been oddly nice to you lately, now seemed to be focusing all his attention on this new girl.
it was subtle at firstâjust casual conversations, a friendly smile here and thereâbut soon, you started seeing them together all the time.
and it wasnât just their proximity that bothered you. it was the way they were so⊠touchy.
heeseung would lean in close when he talked to her, his hand brushing her arm casually as he laughed at something she said.
sheâd playfully nudge him back, her eyes sparkling.
it was the kind of easy, natural closeness that made you feel sick to your stomach.
jealousy was a foreign emotion for youâespecially when it came to lee heeseung.
youâd never thought youâd care about who he spent time withâbut seeing him with haerin, seeing how comfortable they were together, made something ugly and bitter rise in your chest.
you couldnât shake the feeling that you were being replaced.
that whatever strange connection you and heeseung had been developing was being overshadowed by this new girl.
as much as you tried to ignore it, the jealousy gnawed at you.
you couldnât help but compare yourself to haerinâshe was charming, effortlessly likable.
she fit in with heeseungâs world in a way that you never could.
you were his rival, his equal in competition, but haerin? she was someone who made him smile without the sharp edges.
you hated it. hated how it made you feel. hated how you started to question if heeseung had ever really changed at all, or if he had just been playing some long game with you.
days passed, and heeseungâs attention on haerin only seemed to grow.
they were inseparable now, and every time you saw them together, your heart clenched painfully.
the worst part was, heeseung barely even looked at you anymore.
he had stopped greeting you in the hallways, stopped holding the door for you, stopped leaving those lingering glances that had started to make your stomach flip.
it felt like you were disappearing from his world.
but maybe that was for the best, you thoughtâmaybe heeseung was never meant to be anything more than your rival.
and maybe you were just fooling yourself into thinking there could be something more.
you had always prided yourself on your confidence.
in all the years you spent locked in competition with heeseung, youâd never doubted your abilities.
sure, he was goodâannoyingly goodâbut so were you.
you matched him step for step, beat him sometimes, and when you didnât, you got back up, ready to fight again.
but now, something was shifting, and it had nothing to do with grades or exams.
it had everything to do with haerin.
insecurity was new for you, but it was impossible to ignore, everywhere you looked, she was thereâlaughing with heeseung, brushing against him like theyâd known each other for years, not just a couple of weeks.
they were so casual with each other, so comfortable.
you told yourself it didnât matter, that heeseungâs friendships didnât affect you.
but it did. it was starting to eat away at you, piece by piece.
what was worse was that you found yourself wondering why it wasnât you.
why had heeseung been so kind to you one minute and then completely shifted his attention to someone else?
had all those smiles, those lingering glances, meant nothing? maybe youâd misread everything.
maybe it had never been anything more than a temporary truce in your endless battle.
but no matter how much you tried to brush it off, the truth was impossible to denyâyou were jealous.
you hated that it felt like haerin was taking your place in heeseungâs life.
you hated the way she made him laugh so easilyâand most of all, you hated how small and insignificant it made you feel.
and then came the final straw.
it was a friday afternoon, the cafeteria bustling with noise as students crowded around tables for lunch.
you were sitting with your usual group, mina chatting about some drama sheâd seen on tv, but your attention was elsewhereâlocked on the sight of heeseung and haerin across the room.
they were sitting together, as usualâhaerin was leaning in close, whispering something that made heeseung throw his head back in laughter.
your chest tightened at the sightâyou tried to look away, to focus on minaâs story, but it was impossible.
that green, bitter feeling of jealousy twisted in your stomach, making you feel sick.
âare you even listening?â minaâs voice broke through your thoughts, and you blinked, turning back to her.
âyeah, sorry,â you muttered, forcing a smile. âjust⊠tired, i guess.â
mina raised an eyebrow, clearly unconvinced, but before she could say anything, someone approached your table.
it was haerin.
you looked up, startled to see her standing there with a carton of milk in hand, a sweet smile on her face.
but there was something about her expression that felt⊠off.
her eyes gleamed with a certain smugness that sent warning bells ringing in your mind.
âoopsââ haerinâs voice was sickeningly sweet as she âaccidentallyâ tipped the milk carton over, sending the liquid spilling across the table and right into your lap.
your entire body stiffened as the cold milk soaked through your clothes, shock momentarily paralyzing you.
the cafeteria seemed to go quiet around you as everyone turned to look at the scene unfolding.
haerinâs smile didnât waver for a second.
âoh my god, iâm so sorry!â she exclaimed, though there wasnât a trace of sincerity in her voice. âthat was totally an accident!â
you could feel your pulse pounding in your ears as your mind raced to process what had just happened.
the milk was cold, seeping into your uniform, but that was the least of your concerns.
you knew it wasnât an accident. haerin had done it on purpose, and judging by the look in her eyes, she wanted to humiliate you in front of everyone.
for a second, you felt frozenâthe room was watching, the sound of whispers starting to make its way through the crowd as they waited to see what you would do.
âit wasnât an accident,â you said, your voice sharp and louder than you intended.
you stood up abruptly, glaring at haerin. âyou did that on purpose.â
haerinâs smile didnât falterâshe tilted her head, feigning innocence as she blinked at you.
âi donât know what youâre talking about. it was just an accident, really. no need to get so upset.â
the fake sweetness in her voice set your teeth on edge.
anger bubbled up in your chest, mixing with the hurt and insecurity youâd been bottling up for days.
âthatâs a lie,â you snapped. âyouâve been trying to mess with me since you got here.â
the whispers around you grew louder as people leaned in, watching the confrontation unfold.
haerinâs eyes flickered with amusement, but before you could say anything else, a familiar voice cut through the tension.
âhey, whatâs going on here?â
you turned to see heeseung standing a few steps away, his brows furrowed in confusion as he looked between you and haerin.
for a moment, relief washed over you. heeseung had seen everything, right? heâd understand what was happening, and for once, heâd take your side.
but then haerin turned her wide, innocent eyes on him, her lower lip jutting out in a perfect pout.
âi accidentally spilled milk on her,â she said, her voice soft. âbut she thinks i did it on purpose. i donât know why sheâs so madâŠâ
you watched in disbelief as heeseungâs expression softened.
he glanced at you, but there was no anger in his eyesâonly frustration.
âcome on,â he sighed, rubbing the back of his neck. âit was an accident. donât make a big deal out of it.â
your heart sank.
you couldnât believe what you were hearingâheeseung was taking her side? after everything youâd been through, after all the strange kindness heâd shown you in the past few days, he was choosing to believe her over you?
âthatâs not what happened!â you shouted, your voice breaking with frustration. âshe did it on purpose! you sawââ
âjust drop it,â heeseung said, cutting you offâhis tone was tired, as if this whole situation was just an inconvenience to him.
âyouâre seriously overreacting.â
the words hit you like a punch to the gut. overreacting? he was dismissing youâagain.
something in you snappedâwithout another word, you turned on your heel and bolted from the cafeteria, ignoring the whispers and stares that followed.
the humiliation, the betrayalâit was too much to bear.
you found yourself in the empty janitorâs room, the quiet darkness swallowing you whole.
you slid down the wall, burying your face in your hands as the tears finally came.
everything hurtâyour pride, your heart, and the foolish hope youâd had that heeseung might actually care about you.
the cold, dim room was silent, except for your quiet sobs.
you tried to keep them in, biting your lip, but the tears just kept coming.
your hands trembled as they gripped your knees, pulling yourself into a ball on the floor of the empty janitorâs room.
it was the only place you could think to hide, the only place where no one would find you in this humiliating state.
you couldnât believe how things had turned outâeverything was a mess.
not just the milk soaking into your uniform, but the betrayal from heeseung, the stupid jealousy you felt toward haerin, and the way the entire cafeteria had seen you break down.
your head spun with anger and sadness, and no matter how hard you tried to calm yourself, the tears kept flowing.
then, there was a soft knock on the door.
you stiffened, wiping your face furiously with the back of your sleeve.
whoever it was, you didnât want them to see you like this.
but before you could pull yourself together, the door creaked open, and a familiar figure stepped inside.
âhey⊠are you okay?â
jake sim?
you blinked up at him, confused, you hadnât expected anyone to come looking for you, least of all jakeâheeseungâs rival on the basketball court and someone youâd barely spoken to outside of class.
he closed the door behind him, giving you a soft, understanding smile as he crouched down in front of you.
you sniffed, quickly wiping the remaining tears from your cheeks.
âwhat are you doing here?â you asked, your voice still shaky. jake shrugged, sitting down beside you on the cold floor.
âi saw what happened in the cafeteria. i figured you might want to be alone, but⊠i also thought you could use some company.â
you looked away, embarrassed that heâd witnessed everythingâthe last thing you wanted was for anyone to see you like this, but at the same time, the quiet sympathy in his voice was oddly comforting.
âi donât need company,â you muttered, but the words lacked conviction.
jake chuckled softly. âmaybe not, but iâm staying anyway.â for a few moments, neither of you said anything.
jake sat beside you in silence, giving you space to collect your thoughtsâit was strange how easy it felt to be around him.
even though youâd never been particularly close, his presence wasnât overwhelming or intrusive. it was just⊠there, solid and dependable.
finally, you sighed, leaning your head back against the wall. âit was her,â you said quietly, your voice barely above a whisper.
âhaerin. she did it on purpose.â
jake nodded. âi figured. sheâs been hanging around heeseung a lot lately. guess she thought picking a fight with you would get her more attention.â
you clenched your fists, feeling the anger bubble up again. âand heeseung⊠he just believed her. he didnât even listen to me. he just⊠told me to drop it, like it didnât matter.â
jake was silent for a moment, then sighed, running a hand through his hair.
âyeah, that wasnât cool of him. i donât know whatâs going on with heeseung, but what he did today was wrong. you deserved better than that.â
the simple validation of your feelings made something inside you crack open.
you hadnât realized how much you needed to hear thatâhow much you needed someone to understand what you were going through.
âthank you,â you whispered, your voice barely audible.
jake smiled at you, the kind of smile that felt genuine and warm. âanytime.â
for a while, you sat there in silence, letting the tension of the day slowly nib away in jakeâs quiet company.
it was strangeâthis was the first real conversation youâd ever had with him, but somehow, it felt like youâd known him for longer.
there was no awkwardness, no pressure to fill the silence with unnecessary words. he was just⊠there.
after a while, you finally spoke again. âwhy are you being so nice to me?â you asked, glancing at him from the corner of your eye.
jake chuckled softly. âis it that surprising?â
âa little,â you admitted. âi mean, weâve never really talked before.â
he nodded thoughtfully. âtrue, but iâve seen you around. weâre in the same class, and youâre heeseungâs biggest rival. i guess i always admired how you handled him.â
you raised an eyebrow, surprised. âadmired?â
âyeah,â he said with a smile. âheeseung can be a lot to deal with, but you never back down. youâre tough, and youâre not afraid to butt heads with him. thatâs not something everyone can do.â
you blinked, taken aback by the sincerity in his voice.
no one had ever put it that way beforeâmost people saw your rivalry with heeseung as petty or competitive, but jake seemed to see something more.
something you hadnât even realized about yourself.
âthanks,â you murmured, unsure of what else to say.
jake gave you another easy smile. âno problem. and hey, if you ever need someone to vent to, iâm here. heeseung might be my rival on the court, but that doesnât mean iâm on his side when it comes to this.â
for the first time all day, you felt a small, genuine smile tug at your lips.
jakeâs kindness, his quiet reassurance, was exactly what you needed.
he didnât try to fix everything or offer empty words of comfort. he just listened, and somehow, that made all the difference.
âthanks, jake,â you said softly. âi really do appreciate it.â
âanytime,â he replied with a grin, standing up and offering you a hand to help you off the floor.
you hesitated for a moment, then took it, letting him pull you to your feet.
as you both made your way out of the janitorâs room, you couldnât help but feel a little lighter, like some of the weight on your chest had lifted.
jakeâs unexpected kindness had done more to heal the hurt than youâd expected.
and as you walked side by side back to class, you realized that maybe, this was the beginning of a new friendship.
over the next few days, something unexpected happenedâyou found yourself spending more time with jake.
jake made everything feel a little easier, a little lighter, and you didnât feel the constant pressure to put up walls around him.
at first, it was just small moments here and there, like passing each other in the hallways and exchanging knowing smiles, or sitting together during lunch when mina was busy.
with jake, there were no mind games, no intense competition, and definitely no betrayal.
the first time you laughed with him in class, you almost forgot the sting of what had happened with heeseungâalmost.
it was small things at first. jake would crack a joke when you were feeling down, or lean over during study periods to ask a random question that had nothing to do with school but everything to do with making you smile.
he had this easygoing charm about him, the kind that made it impossible to stay mad or sad for long.
and, of course, heeseung noticed.
it was hard not to. you and jake had started walking to and from classes together, and every time heeseung passed by, you could feel his eyes on you.
he didnât say anything at first, but there was something in the way he looked at you that made your skin prickleâlike he was trying to figure something out, something that was just out of his reach.
one afternoon, you were sitting with jake outside, taking in the rare moment of sunshine between classes.
jake had just told a terrible joke, the kind that made you laugh even though it was ridiculous, and you couldnât help but lean into him, playfully nudging his shoulder.
âreally, jake? thatâs the best youâve got?â you teased, wiping a tear from the corner of your eye as your laughter faded.
âhey, i donât see you coming up with anything better,â he shot back, grinning.
his smile was infectious, and you felt a warm comfort wash over you.
it was nice, being able to relax like thisâsomething you hadnât realized you needed until now.
but then, out of the corner of your eye, you saw him.
heeseung stood a few feet away, watching you and jake with a look that was hard to read.
his jaw was clenched, his eyes narrowed slightly, and for a moment, you couldâve sworn you saw something close to frustration flash across his face.
you immediately straightened up, the laughter dying in your throat as you met his gaze.
heeseung didnât move, didnât say anything, but the tension between the three of you was thick.
jake noticed too, his smile fading slightly as he glanced between you and heeseung, clearly picking up on the strange energy.
âheeseung,â jake greeted casually, though his tone was a little less cheerful than before. âyou need something?â
heeseungâs eyes flickered from jake to you, and for a brief second, you saw something in themâsomething sharp and raw.
he shook his head, his expression unreadable. âno,â he muttered, stuffing his hands in his pockets. âjust passing by.â
you bit the inside of your cheek, unsure of what to say.
there was an awkwardness in the air, a tension that hadnât been there before, and you couldnât help but feel like something unspoken was simmering beneath the surface.
but before you could figure out what it was, heeseung turned and walked away without another word, leaving you and jake in a strange, uncomfortable silence.
jake sighed, running a hand through his hair. âheeseung sure knows how to kill a vibe, huh?â
you tried to laugh, but it came out weak and forced. âyeahâŠâ
but your mind was already elsewhereâon the look in heeseungâs eyes, the way his shoulders had tensed when he saw you and jake laughing together.
heeseung had never been one to back down from anything, but now it seemed like he was avoiding you.
and it didnât make senseâone minute, he was pushing your buttons, flirting with you through the window, and the next, he was⊠distant. cold.
you couldnât shake the feeling that something had shifted between you two, and you didnât know how to fix it.
worse, you didnât even know if you wanted to.
that night, as you sat at your desk pretending to study, you caught a flicker of movement outside your window.
your heart skipped a beat, and before you could stop yourself, you glanced over to see heeseungâs figure illuminated in the soft glow of his desk lamp.
your eyes locked for a moment.
then, heeseung did something that took you completely by surprise.
he reached down, grabbed something from the floor, and with a flick of his wrist, tossed a small rock at your window.
it hit with a soft tap, not loud enough to startle you, but enough to catch your attention.
you hesitated, unsure of what he wanted.
heeseung hadnât thrown rocks at your window since you were kids, back when your rivalry was less serious and more playfulâ back when you could actually call lee heeseung one of your best friends.
now, the gesture felt strangeâalmost nostalgic in a way that made your chest tighten.
still, you couldnât ignore himâyou pushed the window up, letting in the cool evening air, and leaned out slightly, your voice low as you called over to him.
âwhat do you want?â
heeseungâs face was mostly in shadow, but you could see the tension in his jaw, the way his fingers gripped the edge of his window as if he was holding something back.
âi need to talk to you,â he said, his voice quieter than you expected. ânow.â
you frowned, your heartbeat quickening. âabout what?â
âjust open your window,â he muttered, his voice strained. there was something different in his toneâsomething vulnerable, almost desperate.
it wasnât like the confident, cocky heeseung you knew. and that was what made you hesitate.
but after a long pause, you sighed and opened the window a little wider, waiting for whatever he had to say.
you stood at your window, the cool night air brushing against your skin, as heeseungâs figure shifted in his room across from yours.
he was still gripping the windowsill, his posture stiff and tense.
the silence between you stretched, uncomfortable and heavy, until finally, you couldnât take it anymore.
âwhat do you want, heeseung?â you asked, your voice coming out sharper than you intended.
the wound from the cafeteria incident was still fresh, the memory of him siding with haerin burning in your chest.
for a second, heeseung didnât respond, his lips pressed into a thin line, his jaw clenched tight as if he was struggling with what to say.
then, finally, he let out a long breath, and his shoulders slumped, just a little.
âwhy are you hanging out with jake?â he asked, his voice low and strained.
you blinked, caught off guard by the question. âwhat?â
heeseungâs hand ran through his hair in frustration.
âjake. youâve been hanging out with him a lot lately. laughing with him, spending time with himâŠâ his voice trailed off, and when his eyes met yours again, there was a flash of something vulnerable in themâsomething you hadnât seen before. âwhy him?â
anger flared inside youâafter everything that had happened, after he had humiliated you in front of everyone, this was what he cared about? who you were spending time with?
âwhy does it matter?â you snapped, crossing your arms over your chest. âwhat, youâre allowed to spend all your time with haerin, but i canât hang out with jake?â
heeseung winced at the mention of haerin, but he didnât back down.
âthatâs not what this is aboutââ
âthen what is it about?â you shot back, your voice rising with frustration. âbecause from where iâm standing, it seems like youâre just jealous.â
heeseungâs eyes widened slightly, like he hadnât expected you to say it out loud. âjealous? of jake?â
âyeah,â you said, glaring at him. âyou have no right to question who i spend time with. especially after what you did.â
his brows furrowed in confusion. âwhat are you talking about?â
âthe cafeteria, heeseung!â you practically shouted, the hurt finally spilling over.
âyou took haerinâs side, you embarrassed me in front of everyone, and you didnât even bother to hear me out! and now, youâre mad because iâve been hanging out with jake? after you made it pretty clear you donât care about me at all?â
the words came out harsher than you intended, but once they were out, there was no taking them back.
the raw truth of how much heeseung had hurt you was now laid bare between the two of you, hanging in the air like a thick fog.
heeseungâs expression crumpled. for a moment, he looked utterly lost, his eyes wide with regret and something close to panic.
âiââ he opened his mouth to say something, but no words came out.
his throat bobbed as he swallowed hard, his eyes darting away from yours. âi didnât know. i didnât realizeâŠâ
you let out a bitter laugh, tears prickling at the corners of your eyes.
âof course you didnât heeseung, youâve been too busy with haerin to notice.â
heeseungâs face twisted with frustration. âitâs not like that with her.â
âreally? because it sure seems like it.â your voice was trembling now, the emotional weight of everything threatening to crush you.
âyouâre always with her. you donât even look at me anymore. and when you did have the chance to stand up for me, you didnât. you humiliated me, heeseung. and you didnât care.â
the words hit him like a slap. you could see it in the way his eyes widened, how his hands balled into fists at his sides.
heeseung took a step closer to the window, his voice quieter now, almost pleading. âyou think i didnât care?â
you stayed silent, your heart pounding in your chest.
heeseungâs jaw clenched, and then, in a voice barely above a whisper, he said, âiâve been an idiot. i know that now.â his eyes were locked on yours, and for the first time, you could see the depth of his regret.
âyouâre right. i didnât stand up for you, and i should have. i hurt you, and i hate that i did. but itâs becauseâŠâ
he hesitated, the words catching in his throat.
âitâs because iâve been trying so hard to ignore how i feel about you,â he finally confessed, his voice thick with anxiety.
âiâve spent so long thinking of you as my friendâthen my rival and enemy, as someone i had to beat, that i didnât realize⊠i didnât want to admit that it was more than that.â
your breath caught in your throat.
âiâve been feeling oddâweird around you for a long time,â heeseung continued, his voice cracking slightly.
âbut i didnât know how to deal with it. i pushed you away, acted like a jerk because i was scared. and then haerin showed up, and i thought if i focused on her, maybe i could forget about youâget rid of this feeling, but i couldnât.â
tears welled up in your eyes, and you blinked them away, refusing to let them fall.
you wanted to be angry, wanted to hold on to that hurt and betrayal, but hearing heeseungâs voice crack with vulnerability made it harder.
his words, the way he looked at you, made you feel things you had been trying to deny for so long.
âbut why didnât you defend me?â you asked, your voice breaking.
heeseungâs expression crumpled. âi donât know,â he whispered. âi was stupid. i thought if i stayed out of it, it would just go away. but it didnât. and now iâve ruined everything.â
you stared at him for a long moment, your heart aching with the weight of it all.
heeseung was standing there, tears welling in his own eyes, and for the first time in all the years youâd known him, he looked completely vulnerable.
âi donât know if i can forgive you,â you whispered, your voice trembling. ânot right now.â
heeseung nodded, his lips pressed tightly together as he swallowed hard.
âi understand,â he said softly. âbut please⊠donât shut me out.â
without another word, you shut your window, turning your back on him and collapsing onto your bed, emotions swirling inside you.
even though you had closed the window on him, part of you still wanted to reach out.
the next morning, you woke up feeling emotionally drained.
the conversation with heeseung played over and over in your mind like a broken record player, his voice echoing in your head, repeating those words.
âiâve liked you for a long time.ââyou had wanted to be angry, to stay angry, but now, all you felt was confusion.
did it even matter? heâd hurt you, after all.
that shouldâve been enough to keep the walls youâd built between the two of you intact.
but something inside you had softened at seeing him so vulnerable, so broken.
youâd seen a side of him you werenât sure anyone else had ever seen.
as you made your way to school, you told yourself that things would go back to normal.
youâd ignore heeseung like you always did, keep your distance, and focus on the things that matteredâyour studies, your friendship with jake, anything but heeseung.
but the moment you walked into the classroom, all of that went out the window.
there, sitting on your desk, was a small carton of strawberry milkâyour favorite.
you stopped in your tracks, blinking in confusionâthe bright pink carton stood out against the plain wooden surface of your desk, and for a moment, you thought it had to be some kind of mistake.
but then you saw itâ a folded note tucked underneath the carton.
with cautious fingers, you reached for the note and unfolded it. the handwriting was familiar, neat and precise.
âiâm sorry.â
that was itâno explanation, no signature, but you didnât need one.
you knew exactly who it was from. your heart gave an involuntary flutter, and you quickly stuffed the note into your bag before anyone could see it.
your eyes darted to heeseungâs seat across the room.
he was already there, sitting with his head resting on his hand, staring at the window as if he hadnât just left a peace offering on your desk.
he didnât look at you, didnât acknowledge you, but you could feel the tension radiating off him, like he was waiting for you to react.
you bit your lip, unsure of what to doâyou wanted to stay mad at him, wanted to cling to the hurt and anger from yesterday, but this⊠this small gesture of apology tugged at something deep inside you.
heeseung wasnât one to apologize easily. you knew that. he was proud, stubborn, and always had to win. but this? this was different. it wasnât much, but it was something.
before you could figure out how to feel about it, the bell rang, and the classroom began to fill with students.
you slid into your seat, trying to ignore the flutter in your chest as the day began.
over the next few days, it became a pattern.
every morning, when you arrived at school, there was something waiting for you on your deskâa carton of strawberry milk, a small packet of your favorite snacks, even a neatly folded handkerchief after gym class when youâd been sweating.
each gift came with the same simple noteââiâm sorry.â
it was starting to drive you crazy.
heeseung didnât say a word to you during class, didnât try to talk to you between periods, but his quiet gestures of apology were impossible to ignore.
the other students had started to notice too, whispering to each other whenever they saw the latest offering on your desk.
âwhatâs going on with you and heeseung?â mina asked one day at lunch, her eyebrows raised in suspicion. âheâs been acting so⊠weird lately.â
you shrugged, trying to play it off like it wasnât a big deal. âi donât know. heâs just⊠apologizing, i guess.â
minaâs eyes widened. âapologizing? for what?â
you hesitated, unsure of how much to tell herâmina didnât know about the confrontation in the cafeteria, didnât know how much heeseungâs words had hurt you.
and honestly, you didnât feel like reliving it. so instead, you just sighed. âitâs complicated.â
mina gave you a look, clearly not satisfied with your vague answer, but thankfully she didnât push it.
instead, she glanced over at jake, who had been sitting quietly beside you, picking at his food.
âwhat do you think about all this?â she asked, nudging him playfully. âyou and heeseung have always been rivals too, right?â
jake glanced up, his expression thoughtful âyeah, weâre rivals on the court,â he said, his voice casual. âbut i donât really care about that. if heâs apologizing, maybe heâs finally realized he messed up.â
you looked over at jake, feeling a wave of gratitude for his support.
he had been there for you when you needed someone, and now, more than ever, you appreciated his calm, steady presence.
he didnât make a big deal out of the situation, didnât push you to confront heeseung before you were ready. he just⊠understood.
jake caught your eye and smiled, and for a moment, you felt a sense of calm wash over you.
but of course, that peace didnât last long.
later that afternoon, as you were walking through the hall with jake, laughing at one of his dumb jokes, you felt someone grab your wrist.
you stopped, your laughter dying on your lips as you turned to see heeseung standing there, his grip firm but not painful.
his eyes were intense, his jaw set in determination.
âcome with me,â he muttered, his voice low and urgent.
you blinked, confused. âwhat? whereââ
âjust⊠come on.â heeseung didnât give you a chance to argue. he tugged you along, pulling you toward the stairwell that led up to the rooftop.
jake called after you, his voice tinged with concern, but you were already too far down the hall to stop.
your heart pounded in your chest as heeseung led you up the stairs, the quiet intensity of the moment making your head spin.
when you finally reached the rooftop, he let go of your wrist and turned to face you, his expression conflicted, like he didnât know whether to yell or beg for your forgiveness.
âwhat are you doing, heeseung?â you asked, your voice shaky with confusion and anger.
âi need to talk to you,â he said, his voice quiet but desperate. âabout everything.â
the rooftop was quiet, other than the soft rustling of the wind and the distant chatter of the school below.
you stood there, facing heeseung, your heart pounding in your chest.
the tension between the two of you was thick, and the silence stretched on, filled with the weight of everything unsaid.
âwhat are we doing here?â you demanded, your voice sharper than you intended.
you were still reeling from the suddenness of it allâone moment youâd been laughing with jake, and the next, heeseung was dragging you up here like something urgent was at stake.
heeseung ran a hand through his hair, frustration clear on his face.
âi needed to get you away from him,â he muttered, avoiding your gaze.
âfrom jake?â you asked in bewilderment, your anger flaring up again. âwhat does jake have to do with this?â
heeseung finally looked at you, his eyes dark and intense. âeverything. heâsâheâs not the one you should be with.â
you stared at him, stunned. âexcuse me? what gives you the right to say that?â
âi know,â heeseung said quickly, holding up his hands in a gesture that almost seemed like surrender.
âi know i donât have the right. but i canât stand watching you with him any longer.â
your chest tightened as his words hung in the airâyou didnât know what to say.
part of you wanted to snap back, to tell him that he had no business being jealous after what he did.
but the other part of youâ the part that had been waiting for him to say somethingâwas finally starting to understand.
heeseungâs voice softened, and he took a small step closer to you. âeven if weâre enemies, even if weâve always been rivals, i would never side with jake. i would never choose someone over you.â
you blinked, your mind racing. his words made no sense. âthen why didnât you defend me in the cafeteria?â your voice cracked, and you hated how vulnerable you sounded, but the hurt was still there, sharp and raw.
heeseung flinched at the question, his jaw tightening. âi told youâ i donât know,â he sighed, his voice barely above a whisper.
âit was stupid. i didnât realize how much i was hurting you. and when i saw you with jakeâŠâ
he trailed off, his eyes searching yours, desperate for you to understand what he was struggling to say.
âwhen you saw me with jake, what?â you pushed, your voice quieter now, the anger fading away into something softer.
heeseung swallowed hard, his gaze never leaving yours.
âwhen i saw you with him, i realized how much i messed up. i realized that i was losing you, and i didnât know what to do.â he took another step closer, his eyes filled with regret.
âiâve been trying to ignore it for so longâthese feelings i have for you. but i canât anymore.â
your breath hitched at his confession, and for a moment, you didnât know how to respond.
heeseung, the person youâd spent your entire life competing with, the person who had always been rude and cocky, was standing in front of you, confessing that he liked you?
âfeelings?â you echoed, your voice barely audible.
heeseung nodded, his expression raw and vulnerable in a way youâd never seen before.
âyeah. iâve liked you for a long time, but i didnât know how to handle it. so i pushed you away. i made everything about our rivalry because i didnât know what else to do.â
his words hit you like a wave, crashing over you and leaving you breathless.
you didnât know how to process it, didnât know how to reconcile the heeseung youâd always known with the one standing in front of you now, baring his soul.
âi hurt you,â heeseung continued, his voice trembling slightly. âand iâm sorry. iâm so sorry. but i canât stand the thought of you being with someone else. i donât want to be your rival anymore. i donât want to lose you.â
you stared at him, your heart pounding, your mind racing with thoughts.
this was everything youâd been trying to ignore, everything youâd pushed aside because you didnât want to acknowledge the feelings that had been building up between you.
but now, standing here, with heeseung looking at you like he was afraid you were going to slip away, you couldnât deny it any longer.
âiâŠâ your voice faltered, your throat tight with emotion. âyouâre an idiot.â
heeseung blinked, startled. âwhat?â
âyouâre an idiot,â you repeated, shaking your head as a small, incredulous laugh escaped your lips.
âyou spent all this time pushing me away when you could have just told me the truth earlier.â
heeseung opened his mouth to respond, but before he could say anything, you closed the distance between you in one fast motion, grabbing the front of his shirt and pulling him down into a kiss.
for a second, heeseung froze, clearly shocked by your sudden move.
but then, he kissed you back, his hands coming up to gently cup your face.
the kiss was soft, slow at first, but it quickly deepened as all the tension between you melted away.
it was like everything youâd been holding back, all the unspoken words, all the bottled-up emotions, were finally being released in that moment.
heeseungâs lips were warm and gentle, and he kissed you like heâd been wanting to for a long timeâslowly, sweetly, as if he didnât want the moment to end.
your heart raced in your chest, your hands gripping the front of his shirt as you poured all of your frustration, confusion, and affection, into the kiss.
when you finally pulled away, breathless, you stared up at him, your cheeks flushed and your heart pounding.
heeseungâs eyes were wide with surprise, but there was a small, almost dazed smile tugging at his lips.
âi⊠i didnât expect that,â he whispered, his voice shaky.
you smiled, feeling a strange sense of relief wash over you. âyouâre such an idiot,â you said again, but this time, there was no bite to your wordsâjust warmth.
heeseung let out a soft laugh, his eyes crinkling at the edges. âyeah,â he agreed, his voice thick with emotion. âi am.â
without thinking, you kissed him again, softer this time, more sure of yourself.
and as his arms wrapped around you, pulling you close, you realized that this was exactly where you were supposed to be.
the next day at school, everything felt different. it was subtle at firstâa kind of quiet shift in the air that made you hyper-aware of heeseungâs presence the moment you walked into the classroom.
you werenât used to thisâthe ease, the softness that seemed to have settled between you overnight.
after years of rivalry, the shift from enemies to something more felt almost surreal.
but then you saw himâheeseung sitting at his desk, already glancing over at you the second you stepped through the door.
his usual smirk was gone, replaced by a small, almost shy smile, and it sent a warm flutter through your chest.
you smiled back, the tension from the day before melting away as he held your gaze for just a moment longer than usual.
it was like the rivalry had evaporated overnight, leaving something softer in its place. and yet, the familiarity of your banter remained.
you slid into your seat, feeling a little lighter than you had in weeks.
there was no strawberry milk waiting on your desk this time, no snacks or apology notes, but the absence didnât bother you.
the fact that heeseung had taken the time to talk to you, to open up the way he had, was more than enough.
still, you couldnât help but notice that people were whispering.
it wasnât loud or obvious, but every so often, youâd catch someone glancing your way, their eyebrows raised in curiosity.
mina, of course, was the first to bring it up.
âwhatâs going on with you and heeseung?â she asked as soon as you sat down for lunch.
her eyes were gleaming with excitement, clearly having picked up on the shift in dynamics. âyou two are acting so different!â
you shrugged, trying to play it off as casually as you could. âwe talked. thatâs all.â
mina narrowed her eyes. âyou talked? come on, you canât tell me something didnât happen. you guys have been enemies for, like, forever, and suddenly youâre all⊠smiley. itâs weird.â
you felt your cheeks heat up, and you looked down at your tray, trying to hide the small grin tugging at the corners of your lips. âitâs complicated.â
before mina could press you further, someone else slid into the seat next to you.
you didnât even need to look up to know who it wasâjake, with his usual easygoing smile and relaxed posture, leaned back in his chair as if he owned the place.
âso, you and heeseung, huh?â jake asked, his tone teasing.
you groaned, burying your face in your hands. ânot you too.â
jake chuckled, nudging you with his elbow. âhey, iâm just happy for you. i mean, after everything that happened⊠well, itâs nice to see you smile again.â
you peeked at him from between your fingers, grateful for his kindness.
jake had been there for you when you needed someone, and youâd grown closer over the past few weeks.
but now, things were different, and while you appreciated his friendship, you couldnât deny the new fluttering feeling that came with thinking about heeseung.
still, you couldnât resist teasing jake a little. âyouâre not jealous, are you?â you asked, raising an eyebrow playfully.
jake laughed, shaking his head. ânah, i could never compete with heeseung. that guyâs got it bad for you.â
the teasing tone in his voice made your cheeks flush, and you were about to reply when someone cleared their throat behind you.
you didnât have to turn around to know who it wasâthe shift in the airâthe quiet intensityâwas unmistakable.
heeseung stood there, his gaze flickering between you and jake, his jaw clenched slightly as he crossed his arms over his chest.
âwhatâs going on here?â he asked, his voice casual but with an underlying edge of jealousy.
jake grinned up at him, completely unfazed by the tension. âjust talking, man. relax.â
heeseung didnât move, his eyes narrowing just a fraction. âright. well, weâve got plans after school, donât we?â his tone was directed at you now, and you couldnât help but notice the slight possessiveness in his voice.
you blinked, caught off guard. âplans?â
heeseungâs lips quirked up into a small smile, his eyes locking onto yours with a look of softness that made your heart race. âyeah. walking home together, remember?â
you tried not to smile too widely, but it was impossible to hide the way your heart fluttered at his words.
jake, ever the instigator, raised his eyebrows in mock surprise.
âoh, so itâs like that now?â he teased, leaning back in his chair. âguess iâll have to find someone else to walk home with.â
heeseung shot him a look that was almost a glare, though there was a playful glint in his eyes. âyeah, you will.â
you rolled your eyes, though a small giggle escaped your lips. âheeseung, youâre being ridiculous.â
heeseung leaned down, resting one hand on the back of your chair as he looked down at you with a grin.
âmaybe,â he admitted, his voice softer now, âbut i donât like sharing.â
the possessiveness in his tone sent a shiver down your spine, but instead of feeling annoyed, you found it⊠oddly endearing.
you nudged him lightly. âyouâre such a child.â
heeseung chuckled, the sound low and warm, before he straightened up, glancing once more at jake. âyouâll be fine without her, right?â
jake waved him off, laughing. âiâll survive, donât worry.â
just as you were about to stand up and leave with heeseung, a voice interrupted the playful atmosphere, slicing through the lightheartedness like a cold breeze.
âheeseung.â
you looked up to see haerin standing a few feet away, her expression unreadable, but there was something in her eyes that made your stomach twist.
she glanced between you and heeseung, her lips pressed into a thin line before she focused on him. âcan we talk? alone.â
heeseungâs body tensed beside you, but instead of acknowledging her request, he tightened his grip on the back of your chair, his attention still fixed on you.
âno, iâm good,â heeseung said flatly, his tone leaving no room for argument.
haerin blinked, clearly not expecting the rejection. âi just wanted toââ
âiâm with someone right now,â heeseung cut her off, his voice firm but calm. âand iâd appreciate it if you left us alone.â
the sting of his words was evident in haerinâs eyes, but she didnât argue.
after a moment, she let out a quiet scoff and walked away, her shoulders tense as she disappeared into the crowd.
you stared at heeseung, surprised by how easily he had brushed her off.
heeseung, who had spent so much time with her recently, was now acting like she didnât even exist.
âwas that necessary?â you asked, raising an eyebrow.
heeseung shrugged, his expression softening as he looked at you. âwhat can i say? iâm done with all the games.â
you felt a warmth spread through your chest, and for a moment, you couldnât help but smile.
the possessiveness, the way heeseung had stood by your side without hesitationâit all made you realize just how much had changed between you two.
as the day went on, the whispers and curious glances from your classmates only grew louder.
everyone seemed to be talking about you and heeseung, but you didnât mind.
in fact, you kind of liked it. for once, the focus wasnât on your rivalryâit was on something else, something sweeter.
at the end of the day, as promised, heeseung was waiting for you by the school gates.
you spotted him leaning casually against the fence, his hands stuffed in his pockets, but the moment he saw you, his face lit up with that soft smile that made your heart race.
âready to go?â he asked, falling into step beside you as you started walking together.
you nodded, glancing up at him. âyou know everyoneâs talking about us, right?â
heeseung chuckled, shrugging. âlet them talk.â
you rolled your eyes, but there was a lightness to your steps as you walked side by side.
it felt easy, naturalâlike this was how things were always supposed to be.
and for the first time in a long time, the space between you and heeseung wasnât filled with tension or competition.
it was filled with something warmer, something that made your heart feel full.
as you walked, you noticed heeseungâs hand brush against yours, and before you could stop yourself, you reached out and intertwined your fingers with his.
heeseung glanced down at your hands, a look of surprise crossing his face before his smile widened, his grip tightening around yours.
neither of you said anything for a few minutes, just enjoying the silence and the feeling of walking together.
but eventually, you cleared your throat, glancing up at him with a teasing smile.
âso⊠are we, like, official now?â
heeseung slowed his pace, looking down at you with an amused grin. âofficial?â
âyou know what i mean,â you said, nudging him lightly with your shoulder. âboyfriend and girlfriend.â
heeseungâs expression softened at your words, and he stopped walking, turning to face you fully.
he gently cupped your face with one hand, his thumb brushing lightly over your cheek.
âyeah,â he whispered, his voice barely above a murmur. âi want us to be official. if you do, too.â
your heart swelled at the tenderness in his eyes, and you felt a soft smile spread across your lips. âi do.â
heeseungâs eyes sparkled with something like relief and joy, and before you could say anything else, he leaned down and pressed his lips to yours in a soft, lingering kiss.
it was slow, gentle, and filled with all the unspoken promises of this new chapter you were beginning together.
when he pulled back, you were both smiling, a quiet warmth settling between you.
âgood,â heeseung murmured, pressing his forehead against yours. âbecause iâm not letting you go.â
you laughed softly, your heart feeling lighter than it had in ages. âiâm not going anywhere.â
with that, the two of you continued walking home, hand in hand, your steps perfectly in sync.
and as the sun shimmered down lower in the sky, you knew that this was the start of something beautifulâsomething that had been building for far longer than either of you had realized.
heeseung was no longer just your rivalâhe was your boyfriend.
and honestly? it felt perfect.
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Half Blood | Muzan Kibutsuji x fem!reader
Warnings: NSFW, MDNI, TW! YN does get assaulted, mentions of blood, drinking blood, gore, how many times do I mention claws? Oral fem!receiving, fingering, kissing, breeding kink, virgin sex, creampie, and overstimulation.
Word Count: 4.9k
a/n: guys this started off as a quick break from a Sanemi fic I'm working on (keep in mind I think short fics are no longer than 3k) and here I am... with a way longer fic than I intended and something I actually want to expand on in the future. It was a lot of fun to write this so I hope you enjoy it <3
âYou,â His pink irises are illuminated by the moon high in the night sky. The blood within your body cools as you stare back at the man who stored your fate. His inky black hair flows down his shoulder in waves. A deep blue yukata loosely hung on his frame. âIâve been watching you.â Muzan growls, edging ever closer to where you stood. His pointed canines glinted in the light, his nails sharp and ready to claw at your jugular. The demon king rolls his tongue along the tips of his teeth, studying you carefully. Was he deciding whether or not to feast upon your flesh?
He had never seen such a creature as yourself. Your skin was glowing, soft, and supple. The lavender color yukata covered most of your body, a delicate pattern of white flowers spanning the kosode fabric. Your obi was white with purple vines flowing around it. You wear simple white tabies paired with purple strapped zori. Elegance and grace radiated from you. He could smell the wisteria perfume in your hair.Â
It was strange, you were a confrontation to the world he wanted to live in â yet something he could not tear his eyes away from. Here you were, standing in front of him without fear. He rather thought it would be better fun if you were afraid, he did so enjoy the chase. Though, there was â of course â a reason you relented in running away from him. Your eyes were stormy, eclipsed by thousands of emotions. Thatâs when a different smell, that had not yet hit him, tickled his nose. Blood, and not just any blood. You had the blood of a demon in you. Your stern, furrowed brows, with the revolting smell of wisteria burning his nose. You confused him. âWhat are you?â He purs out, not sure if what would come out of your mouth would be a lie or truth. He could always figure it out for himself one way or another.Â
Your lip ticks, a show of annoyance youâd yet to master. The man in front of you knew, he could smell it, of that you were sure. Yet, he dared ask. What are you? Youâd been told many times what you were. An abomination. A curse. A monster. âAre you not the demon king?â You spit back, growing angry. Would the other half of you reject your existence as well? You had hoped at least the demons would have the scarce bit of comradery running through their systems. Muzanâs brows lift, then knit together. Did he need to answer you? After all, he could easily swipe at your neck to kill you for being so insolent. The eager need to hear what you had to say captivated him though.Â
When the man does not answer you tut, crossing your arms over your chest. âHere I thought the mighty demon king would be able to tell me apart from the rest.â You shake your head, laughing stiffly into the night. In a flash Muzan has you pinned to the trunk of a tree. Splinters etch toward your face from the very force of his hand. His muscular body cages you in and it takes you a moment to realize how your body aches to be near him.Â
âI can smell you,â He mutters, squinting his beautiful eyes like he couldnât quite distinguish what he was looking at. âYou assault my senses, itâs driving me mad. Thereâs something different about you.â Muzan had first observed you walking in your village one evening, the way people sneered and cowered at your presence intrigued him. He found himself looking for you every night, wondering what your story was. These villagers were shunning you. He wished to know why such a pretty thing as yourself would be outcasted in her own village. âYou smell like me, yet you are not. So I ask you again, what are you?â His voice is low, edging on the precipice of anger.Â
You do not yield in holding his gaze. âI am you, yet I am not. Born of the sun and moon. A half-blood.â 20 years ago your mother found herself in the entertainment district, serving the pleasures of others. A man came to visit her on multiple occasions. Eventually, the two ran away together. Sharing in love and secrets. Your mother was a demon and your father a local carpenter. How you were able to be conceived was a mystery, even to them. They lived in peace, until one night. The villagers had finally seen through your fatherâs lies, storming their house. They slaughtered both of them and assuming you were a child taken captive, they whisked you away to a widowed mother. As you grew it was obvious where your origins lay, yet no one in the village dared to lay a hand on you.Â
Muzan lets his gaze drop to where your heart pulsed, bouncing the skin of your jugular. âYou are human and demon?â Something pulled tight in his chest. Could you walk in the sun? Did you regenerate? Were you the answer to his plight? âYou are radiant.â He cannot stop the words from falling past his lips. Your eyes light up with recognition, acceptance, and for a moment your past falls away. He had the ever-growing urge to sweep you away. Your very existence was tantalizing to him in the least. He tilts his head, wrinkling his nose at the obscure way you smelt.Â
Your eyes settle on the way he reacts to you, wondering if heâll take you away someplace. Some place away from these villagers who had slaughtered your parents who just wanted to live in harmony. They did not deserve to die and you did not want to live one more second with their murderers. Muzan wanted to take you, but he couldnât. Not yet. You were so fragile. If he were to touch you he would fear you would break on the spot. âAre you going to take me away from this place?â You whisper, hopeful tones floating to Muzan. He swallows something deep and thick.Â
Muzan backs away from you, eyes tensing. âNo.â He replies softly. He could not take you into his den, the other demons were too stupid to realize how precious you were. You would be dead within seconds. The line between your brows hardens again as his words hit you.Â
âNo? Why not? Am I not good enough for you?â Your voice is rising. You sound like a whining child who hasnât gotten their way. Muzan winces at the obvious pain seeping into your voice. You were nothing like heâd ever seen before. Something beautiful, a miracle in his eyes. Therefore, he did not answer you. He simply faded back into the shadows. With his disappearance, your hopes and dreams faded as well.
â
The next time you see Muzan is two years later. His hair is shorter than you last saw it, the curls kissing the nape of his neck. This neat look couldnât contain the loose curls that framed his face. A starched white collar shirt was tucked into an ornate waistcoat. He looked utterly different, yet he was your Muzan. He had the same eyes, the same far-off look, and on top of that, you could practically taste his scent. It was overwhelming, crushing even, but in a way, you enjoyed the rush.Â
It was also a fact that you had escaped your village after one of the men tried to see how strong a half-blood was. He told you he was turned on by how revolting you were and he would take you as his wife in duty only. Until then you had never seriously thought about killing a human. The realization was both terrifying and freeing. So you fled to the entertainment district, living off of what you could at the Kyogoku House. There were so many smells here. Food, humans, sex, and demons.Â
You worked under a beautiful oiran, and you could tell⊠she wasnât human. Part of you wanted to become friends with her, but if she hadnât reached out for the sake of commonality, you didnât think there was a chance of any other relationship than servant.Â
Muzanâs brows furrowed. He had come to visit Daki and yet your scent prosecuted his brain. Ever since he left you in the forest that day he had been thinking of a way to retrieve you. You were too precious to let out of his sight again. This time he would secure you. He could feel his blood boil at the thought of you living in the Ukiyo. Kyogoku House was well protected, but anywhere without him wasnât safe for you. Were you being used by men far beneath you? Muzan had never felt such rage toward the thought of men touching a woman. He often indulged in watching, humans were ever so entertaining â but you werenât human. You were one of his and he swallowed harshly at the fact that you werenât only his.Â
He brushes past some of the lower-ranking courtesans, his eye twitching at their giggles. You watch from afar, the familiarity of his back etching a cold ache into your heart. He would leave again, of that you were sure. You hug the fresh sheets to your chest, making your way to the linen closet down the hall. âAh, YN, Iâve been looking for you.â The Okaasan Omitsu stands before you. She has a cunning sneer behind the kind smile she wears.Â
You bow, storing the sheets away before turning your full attention to her. âYes Okaasan?â You can smell the evil intent behind this woman, it makes your stomach sink.Â
âYou wouldnât mind doing me a favor would you?â She uses the word favor like youâd have a choice. She is the Okaasan after all. Itâs like she thinks youâre some stupid girl that will follow whatever she says. Using the word favor is a manipulation tactic and if you were a naive girl, you would be eating out of the palm of her hand.Â
You tilt your head to the left, plastering a fake smile of your own onto your lips. You knew anything out of your mouth except âyes Okaasanâ would make things harder for yourself. So with all your better judgment pushed aside, you say exactly that.Â
Her eyes gleam. âThank you, my dear. If you will kindly follow me.â She walks back up the hall, toward one of the private Ozashiki rooms. You glance around, nerves settling into your bones. You couldnât be headed into one of these rooms, you werenât even a kamuro. You were just an older shinzĆ.Â
She stops in front of the panel, a cruel smile lifting the corners of her mouth. No, please, not this. âYou are very blessed my dear, one of our chĆ«san is interested in you.â She slides the door aside and sitting against a wall smoking a pipe is a middle-aged man. Cushions are scattered around the floor and a twisted smirk plays with his mouth when he sees you. Okaasan bows then slides the door shut behind you.Â
The room was stifling, the smoke choking out any of the senses you had. It was dizzying. âMmm, youâre a lot older than I thought.â The man sneers, setting his pipe down. The fog of opium seemingly wraps around your throat, making it hard to breathe. âBut youâll do.â He laughs, patting the cushion next to him. âWhy donât you come a little closer?â He offers. Your body tenses. You were in danger, of that you were sure. You were not willing to give your virginity up to such a man but if you denied him the right to your own body, there would be outrage. You swallow, tentatively kneeling on the cushion next to him.Â
He leans over you, sniffing the area around your shoulder. You stiffen. âYou smell so good, better than all those flora bitches.â He growls. âI like your naturalâŠmusk.â Oh Gods did this man â who probably has a wife and children â just compliment how you smell when youâve been working all day? âWhat do you like about me?â What a loaded question.Â
You smile, one that shuts your eyes â if he saw the look in your eyes heâd be sure to know you were lying when you said, âI appreciate your generosity.â You bow your head and the man laughs heartily.Â
His tongue darts out to coat his lips. âI can be more generous if youâd like?â He moves himself closer to you. âI was blessed with wealth, good looks, and a tool to make women scream.â Please let the tool be an ice pick so you can lobotomize yourself. âWhadâya say, darling?â He coos, going in for what appears to be a kiss even though you hadnât been given the time to answer him.Â
You grimace away from his advance, shoving at his chest. The eerie playful tone in the room suddenly seems to vacuum out. The fog is still thick from the burning opium, but you donât miss the way the man before you lunges for you. Heâs panting above you with a charming pointy sneer. âAh ah ah, not so fast. You havenât serviced me, whore.â He digs his nails into your shoulder, pinning you to the wooden floor. âLook at you, begging for my cock with your eyes, ooohh you want it that bad you slut?â He hisses, fumbling with the buckle of his Western-style pants. You squirm wildly under his grasp but itâs like heâs infused with superhuman strength. âIâm gonna fuck you and then, as your reward,â His face is next to yours now, eyes glowing an electric yellow, pupils in slits. âIâm going to kill you.â His hand is on your throat, crushing your windpipe. You choke on what little air you were able to breathe earlier.Â
A demon, this man was a demon. One of your kind. No⊠he wasnât. He was something else. He was driven by the carnal desire to fuck and kill. You were too weak to push him off, your internal forces constantly warring against each other. You had always presented as human, meek, malleable, and obedient. What you would give to have your demon side come forth, bite this fuckerâs head off. You want to scream â but on account of his claws sinking into the back of your neck â if you even moved that would surely be the end of your life.Â
He tears your yukata to shreds, ripping the soft skin of your stomach open as well. Your mouth opens the pressure of a scream pushing against his hand. Blood mixes with the tattered cloth, the cotton dying red.
Muzan pauses, Daki grumbling about some inferior human drama. His eyes search the room, this time Daki taking notice from her self-indulged rant. Where was that smell coming from? He stands, silencing Daki before she can start whining again. The potent smell of blood was swirling to the top floor, but not justâŠany blood. âYN,â He hisses, the annoyance, rage, and blood-boiling sensations he felt earlier returning tenfold. Why were you bleeding? This was fresh cut blood, not from the dues women endured every month. He needed to find you, or he feared the worst. âI need to go.â He barely says to the demon next to him. Her face morphs into one of anger, and before she can hurl anything at him, Muzan slips out of her room. Where were you? He follows the pungent scent, clambering down the stairs and rushing down the hall until heâs in front of a private room. Heâs sweating, for once fear is humming in his ear. He shoves the door to the side, witnessing a demon hunched over your body.Â
Your blood is pooling around you dying the wonderfully blue yukata you wore earlier a sickly brown color. The demon doesnât have time to look up because Muzan is already crushing its head, slashing its throat to shreds of what it once was.Â
The room is covered in blood but the demon is dead. Muzan slides to the floor, cradling you in his lap. âYN, no, no please donât die.â You were his miracle. You were his hope. If anything could save his damned soul it would be you. His arms are trembling as your stomach bleeds out, the skin marred, andâŠGod the smell of your blood was driving him mad. It was something he shouldnât be thinking about as you bleed out under him. You needed to regenerate. He wasnât sure if you could so maybe your demon just needed a little push?
With his free hand, Muzan tears the flesh from his arm, bringing it down to your mouth. His blood trickles onto your lips, sliding into your mouth. After a few silent beats, your eyes shoot open. Muzan has never felt such joy as this very moment. Your arms wrap around his, bringing it into your mouth. Muzan hisses at the way your tongue dances around his wound, lapping up the blood he shed for you. Youâre panting, gasping for more. Your eyes glow as you drag your tongue up the muscle of his forearm. His blood flows through you like your own life force, strengthening your nerves, hardening your muscles. He has made you stronger.Â
It sends a pinch of desire through Muzan. He hadnât felt the heat of wanting to sink his cock into the warmth of a cunt in decades. You were mouthing at his arm, wounds healed on both ends, but now that you were moving the once whole yukata falls off your shoulders. Blood trails from your lips down your chest, between your breasts. Muzan was never one to fend off his desire to want. He took whatever he wanted, without a care. He wanted to take you without a care. Fuck you senseless into the floorboards, claw at you, feed on your blood while you fed on his. It was ecstasy just imagining driving his cock into your pretty tight pussy.Â
âI shouldâve never left you.â He whispers and it sends a rolling wave of want through you. You move to straddle his lap.Â
âThen donât leave me now.â You could both smell it, the heat and arousal in the air. âTake me, my Lord.â He smirks, holding onto your thighs.Â
He hums, enjoying the way youâre bare in front of him. You were a sight to behold. âMmm, such a smart girl.â A portal opens underneath him, the wooden floor sinking into an expanse of rooms, platforms, doors, lights, and endless corridors. The sheer speed whips your hair around your face until â it doesnât. Youâve stopped in the middle of whatever this place was. âWelcome home,â Muzanâs pink eyes darken to a deep crimson as he sits up straighter, pressing himself into you. You moan in delight as his hands work their way up your hips, sitting you down on the stiff part of his lap.Â
You tilt your head, peeking at him. âIâve never liked pants,â you mumble, playing with the hem of his. He chuckles his smirk growing.Â
âAnd why is that?â He inquires, moving his tongue to lick up the blood that has traveled toward your navel. You choke out a moan as he makes his way between your breasts. You can feel his teeth against your skin and itâs a wretched thought. âAheh,â He swipes at the crest of your breast.Â
âH-hard to get off.â Muzan hums against your skin in agreement, but heâs too preoccupied with the way you tremble with untapped pleasure.Â
He wants to tear into your flesh, mark you as his, burn only his name onto your tongue. âSuch an eager kitten,â He licks his lips, capturing the back of your neck in his hands. âYou want me bare that badly?â All you can manage is a small nod as he gingerly moves you so that youâre laying down. Your hips are still lined up with his as he gazes at you. âI can promise you I have a similar urgency.â He grins, pulling the belt from his breeches with a smooth movement. He tosses it to the side, but doesnât make any more movements to pull his pants down. Muzan notices your heated gaze pointed toward his hardened groin.Â
Did you know nothing about the workings between a man and woman? His eyes trail down your body, stopping at the apex of your thighs. He wraps his arms around the bend of your knee, smirking when your eyes widen in surprise. He tugs you upwards, to where your legs are over his shoulders. Being this close to your glistening pink cunt made his groin stiffen even more, if that was possible. The smell of you was intoxicating. He couldnât help himself. âWhat a fucking view.â He growls.Â
Muzan buries his head between your thighs, latching his mouth onto your swelling clit. You gasp in pleasure, breaths turning into ragged moans as he plunges his tongue deeper into you. âO-oh my God, fâck, ngh.â With the way his tongue his twisting and sucking inside of you, breathing seemed impossible. His claws dig into your outer thigh, scratching red trails to your knees. He devours every bit of you he can reach, crazed by the tangy sweetness of your arousal. Your walls were squeezing around his tongue, heat running through your body.Â
Your own hands find your stiff nipples, rolling them around in your fingers. You couldnât get enough, it was the same feeling you received from drinking his blood. Heat rolling around in your veins as his eyes take in your puffy cunt and how your eyes roll to the back of your head. He maneuvers one hand from under your knee to the one place that was being ignored on you â your entrance. It was like the gate to a shrine and he wanted to worship there for eternity. âLook at how fucking wet your cunt is.â His pointed nails shape into shorter rounder ones, he dare not damage this holy place. Then, without warning, he presses two fingers into you. A yelp echoes across the void of the infinity castle. âAhhh, shit,â You huff, tensing from the sensation of your pussy being stretched.Â
Muzan knew you were a virgin, he would be lying if the fact didnât make him grow more feral to have you sit on his cock and take his seed deep within you. He wanted you. He wanted you. He wanted you. That was all he could think about while lapping up your wetness.Â
The slick from your cunt was sucking his fingers in, a growl rumbling around your clit. This makes you scream out as a shockwave shoots through you. Your thighs are shaking and every once and a while â as Muzan still selfishly fingers you through your climax, sucking on your clit â your body will twitch. Heavy and heady moans fall from your lips, breaking into whines as you come down from your high.Â
âYou did such a good job my sweet,â Muzan lowers you gently back to the floor. Your neck is sore from being at an awkward angle for so long, but you would give anything to see the disheveled man before you with your arousal still on his lips. âThatâs it. Prefect. Youâre so perfect.â He mutters, licking his lips and watching you still play with your nipples.Â
Though you feel like youâve just ascended, you crave more. You want Muzan to breed you like his own personal slut. âM-more,â You gasp. âI feel so empty my Lord.â You huff, the edges of your voice bleeding to a whine. Muzanâs eyes widen. He hadnât intended to fuck you just yet. Give you some time to grow accustomed to sexual things so it wasnât rushed, but your eyes are pleading him to continue. Heâs⊠nervous, which isnât like the demon king. Heâs so eager to please you. Make sure youâre comfortable. He wants to give you hell, heaven, and the earth.Â
âYouâre practically begging me.â He chuckles, unsure if you really knew what you were asking. There was no way that once Muzan slid into your heady cunt that he would not ravish you. There was no way to tell time in the infinity castle, so there was no way for him to know when to stop until he was satisfied. You squirm to get closer to him, spreading your legs wide for him. His gaze drops from yours to your center, whatever shred of humanity that was left in him suddenly flying away. âSuch a filthy slut. Youâre already hungry for more? You want me to fill you up? Then beg for it.â His eyes narrow into slits, the magma growing in his belly.Â
Your body cools with a shiver of excitement, as you reach down in between your thighs. You purse your lips and then spread your labia apart. The cool air tickles the sticky wetness but you can tell itâs doing something for him. âPlease, my King, I want you to fuck me so hard I canât think. I want you to take my virgin pussy and make it yours.âÂ
The corner of his mouth ticks up in a smirk. âAs you wish my Queen.â He frees his cock and you have to take a moment to gulp at the sheer size of it. The head is leaking precum and bruised a red color from the lack of release. The shaft is a pale pink, a thick vein running down the underside. The muscles of his hips also catch your attention. They were unlike the drawings some of the courtesans had shown you. His were muscular, ready to thrust into you for hours.Â
Muzan lines himself up at your entrance, this time with the head of his cock. The idea was thrilling, finally pushing into your pussy and breaking the barrier of your womanhood. He hisses as your slick coats him, making it easy enough to start entering you. Your face contorts with a mixture of pain and pleasure. âShhh, you can take it.â You want to wiggle away from him, the pain of his member stretching you out is enough to break you. âAh ah ah, youâre not going anywhere pretty girl. Remember you asked for this.â Muzan leans over you seizing your mouth with his own. You share a leisurely kiss as he swallows your moans.Â
He feels the head of his cock hit your hymen and with a wince he thrusts past it. He can feel the rush of silky blood around his cock, but he tries his best to divert your attention with heated kisses. You break free, a long drawn out moan gasping out of you. âAhhh, oh my, hngh nngh yes!âÂ
Muzan nuzzles into your neck, the feeling of your walls clenching around him driving him practically insane. âYeah? Tell me how good I am. Tell me how good I am at fucking you.â He hisses out, desperate for your compliments and approval.Â
âNnnggh, sâgood, fâckinâ me sâgood.â You slur, drunk on how he guided a new path into you. You pant and writhe under him, eyes fluttering shut.Â
âNot yet my love, I want you to watch.â He starts to move his hips and you wince in burning pleasure. âThatâs it. Youâre doing so good.â He grunts, snapping his hips back into you. The wet slap of skin hitting skin sends shivers down your back.Â
Youâre straining against the build up in your stomach, a pit of coils wanting to spring forth. âMmm, harder.â You huff, reach out to grab the back of his neck. He shakes his head, a playful smirk on his swollen lips.Â
âUse your manners.â He teases, squeezing his eyes shut.Â
âPlease fuck me harder.â You mewl just as he starts to thrust into you with a quickened rhythm. Your breath is sucked away by the pure bliss aching from the friction.Â
Muzan bites down on his lip, brushing a few curls that had come free from behind his ear. âYou like it when I do that?â He quizzes, fucking you harder. You can only manage a nod.
Your voice has grown hoarse from moans breaking into screams and whines. You buck your hips along with his as you arch your back, tumbling over your peak. âFâck, haa haa hnngh,â You squeeze his cock and release his neck, breathless from your second orgasm.Â
âCum all over my cock, fuck,â Muzan growls, the feeling of your slick cum coating his length. He was gliding into you with such ease. He would apologize to you later for this. He pounds into your sensitive cunt, overstimulating you as you cry out. He rams himself into you and stays deep within your pussy. Panting heavily Muzan finally crashes over his own wave of pleasure. Splurting his cum around the walls of your pussy. He doesnât want to pull out â for one fact he wanted all of his cum to stay within you â and for another fact, you were all the salvation he needed. He could find redemption with you. He rolls you both onto your side, hiking your leg over his hip to make sure he can stay inside of you.Â
This was it, you had driven him to the edge and he would make sure to never let anything else touch you. As he gazes upon your soft features drifting off to a satisfied slumber he feels what once was his heart ache. âWe should get married.â He blurts out.
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