#I would have posted this on wednesday since then it'd be a week

[lgbtmi]

addison-post more icon🙏

[ sweats profusely!!! ] i have many things to say about her but also i don't want to overwhelm dashboards with random shit about my vampire: the requiem-nosferatu!! but because i appreciate your ask!! i will spend the next 28 minutes watching grey's anatomy and writing a bunch about addie under the cut <3

apologies if it's unhinged or unclear, there's probably content warnings regarding suicide or depression in there (because freshly embraced addie is on my mind) but any more questions or dm's about this creacher are more than acceptable!! ty for endulging me :3

Okay. Imagine. You're at the top of your game. You're at the start of your adult life, fresh off your first big Broadway gig and on the verge of your next one. Hell, you're barely twenty-two and now in the brief Broadway revival of Phantom of the Opera. You got to go on as Meg Giry, reviews are raving.

During Wednesday's performance, understudy Addison Fletcher stepped into the role of Meg Giry. Fletcher, whose background in classical dance shines through in every movement, brings exceptional grace to the role. Her fouettés during the "Hannibal" ballet sequence drew spontaneous applause, while her bright, pure voice in "Angel of Music" blends beautifully with Hayes, their duet suggesting years of friendship through pure musical chemistry. Fletcher brings surprising depth to what could be a simple supporting role, crafting a mother-daughter relationship with Rossi that feels lived-in and complex.

And just like that, everything you've worked your ass off for is taken away from you.

In a Brooklyn (sad excuse for an) apartment lies Addison Fletcher. Curled up into a fetal position, arms wrapped around her knees, on a mattress in what was once her closet. Clothes she may or may not have stolen from productions hang on hangers above her head. The floor is filled with playbills, scripts. If you didn't know any better, you might've thought this was once the house of a hoarder.

It's been five days since her world drastically changed. She's gone off the radar, has not left her apartment for anything other than trying to fill the void that the monster she has become longs for. Sly has been by and has forced her to go out, but mostly it's been just Addison and these few walls.

Her phone beeps. The sound indicating a new text message from the stage manager. It takes a while for her to reach out and grab the phone. Niamh, the lead Meg Giry, is down with a sickness. It's up to Addison to take over the part. But she leaves the message, unopened, another unread message to add to the pile. A different beep follows a few hours later. An email this time. She's to contact stage management.

I could curl up and hide in my room / there in my bed still sobbing tomorrow

Days turn into weeks. The walls of her closet creep ever closer. She misses the stage, the applause, the one thing she was made for taken away by violence. A literal phantom, snatching her right off the stage of the theatre that means so much to her.

Sly has been by. She asked him for clarity, for more information, for the why when she wasn't sure whether she truly wanted to know the answer. Apparently he was sent to kill her. It took mere fragments of seconds before the words had left her mouth, her voice unfamiliar to herself. You should have just let me died. It'd be better than this. The words came from a corner, settled in her throat, accompanied by a crumpled up playbill for an off-Broadway production she saw months ago. It flew across the room, right at her Phantom. One of many.

He doesn't believe her. Does not think she's serious when she says death would be preferable. But he doesn't get it. Part of her already died. Addison can't hit the stage anymore, her voice has been taken away from her, and not even for the promise of love. If anything, it's what keeps her lonely. People keep messaging her, the pile of messages growing and growing and growing. She's been terminated from Phantom of the Opera, a fellow actor texts her about how her things have been cleared out - I've saved your lucky pointe shoes in case you want them. Miss you. Hope you're okay. Of course she wants the pointe shoes back, but they're a fleeting reminder of what - and where - she should have been. Maybe watching one more sunrise would not be too bad. One last dance. One last performance.

She's made her way out, she hides in the shadows and watches people go on with their lives while hers has been brutally halted. This is it. Her final bow. But before she gets the chance, she's once again swept away by Sly Bailey, Phantom of her opera. He pulls her aside, drags her into an alleyway. Face bleeding just slightly more than the last time she saw her. It still manages to make her nauseous.

"You don't think I'd let you die that easy, right princess?"

[hislittleraincloud]

The spring release date was said by Bianca’s mom actress (Gracy Goldman) on an Instagram comment, she said spring time 2025. I believe someone that is on the show has more knowledge than fans, yes post production takes a lot of time but we don’t know if they’re already editing some episodes while they film the others

*takes your hand*

*whispers* She doesn't know shit either.

Production for Season 1 Wednesday went from September 2021 to March 2022. That is seven months of filming and about seven to eight months of post production.

Production for Season 2 Wednesday went from early May 2024 to late November 2024 (not counting if there are any reshoots/other problems, and December was supposed to be the official wrap, despite the photo that's been circulating for the 'early' wrap party as it was posted on TwitteX).

That would mean you're speculating only ~ five to six months (at best) post-production, since the Spring TV season ends at the end of May (it's from March to May). Why in Hell would anyone think there would be less post time in the second 8-episode series — which is supposed to be "bigger and better" — is beyond me. This here might last less than three minutes, but it doesn't take only three months, it takes 2x as long to do something like it:

And if there's more of that, then it won't take less than the first season's post. Remember that Ortega herself said it'll be bigger and each episode is "like a movie".

It doesn't matter if you think there's final editing going on while the rest of the show is being filmed. That's not how it works/worked. If it did, that would've applied to the first season, and it would've taken less than eight fucking months in post/to get it out, and we saw just how much F/X went into that (with the creation of Nevermore, Tyler/Hyde, Kent underwater, Ajax's snakes, Enid's nails and final transformation/battle with Tyler, the crappy/easy Bianca Siren Song, Thing...did I miss anything there in terms of actual VFX? Nero, Eugene's bees, Xavier's drawings/paintings? Managing the other green screen graphics aside from Thing/Victor, that might be a big one?). That shit has got to be perfect, since everyone is expecting just as 'good' a season as its premiere, if not better.

And then there's a million technical things to get through in post/editing and putting it together. And then Elfman's gotta score it (or did you think that his music just magically materialized wherever Burton or Ortega moved?). He would have to watch the series to know whatever it is he needs to compose/make sure it's coherent and flows well in the finished project. Junkie XL tells us that for him, it can take anywhere from 3 weeks to a year and a half (for Mad Max: Fury Road) to score a film. Elfman and the whole crew are producing what the equivalent of 6 films would be (six 1.3hr films). That's a lot of work if he's not just going to recycle much from Season 1's score. Composers work differently and Elfman has the advantage of having completed Wednesday 1, but that's also a challenge since they want familiarity without the direct repetition of anything but the main theme.

Perhaps you and whoever else should stop and listen to the straight guys adults in the room:

While he may have run through Wednesday fairly quickly because he was given only 10 days to work on each episode after the first two (he thought he was only going to score the first two episodes, so they spent a month on that), these guys watch finished scenes over and over. This time around they can avoid a repeat of that three month stress, and I think they will. Creatives learn how to modify unreasonable requests since they've experienced how anxiety-inducing it was the first time around when they were unsure of how it'd be received.

Anyway. I repeat, it's not coming out in the spring, but here's my promise: If I am wrong and Wednesday 2 comes out in Spring 2025 — before the end of May (my birthday/two years after I debuted Satisfying Afterburn) — after only five to six months of post-production, I will write the most fkd up, sexplicit Wenclair smut that the fandom has ever seen. I'll even make it Afterburn canon.

Color me wrong, universe. I would truly love to be wrong on this, because we're all eager to see WTF they did/how they work around absences and with such a huge cast (who more than likely need some sort of VFX for some of the characters). The cast of Wednesday 2 is bloated. There's just too much they would need to do, I would think. I could be wrong. I want to be wrong. But I'm not counting on a minor-ish actor's throwaway comments on IG.

🫠

Okay, now for a bonus thought that has little to do with the speculated date of Wednesday 2's release date.

For historical purposes and I'm bored: Y'all (ALL you damn kids) should probably heed what a pre-Wenclair, pre-Wyler Ortega stated about Wednesday's motivations (i.e. before Wednesday came out and before her fame blew up, when she was more honest and before she had to self-censor and deal with something I don't think she — or any of the cast — was prepared to deal with) emphasis mine and ahh, her Old Face pre-nosejob:

"Something else I want to stress about the show too is that I never wanted it to seem like she was doing something out of the goodness of her heart. Because that wasn't what it was, it was more genuine interest, you know ... — I don't think she was ever going out intentionally to save lives or to be a hero, but more so "Oh my God, how is this guy actually pulling this off?" like, jotting down her own notes sort of thing. And it was actually the first time in her life not understanding someone's actions when they're being laid out right in front of her."

She also describes how part of Wednesday's behavioral journey was learning how to manipulate/bargain better (those are not her words, they're mine, but when you get to the part where she says Wednesday figures out that if she behaves a certain way, she can't obtain what she wants so she learns what to do, that's what it is). Nowhere in this early interview was even a hint of any of the teen romance, real or imagined, mentioned (and the criticisms about the love triangle only came after the reviews/fan complaints and preferences were aired).

But she does mention how NC Wednesday wants to be a detective. Who better to show her the ropes than Donovan? She was genuinely interested in hanging around him because he was also supposed to be an investigator that she could learn from...and teach.

...Heh.

🫠✨🖤🐦‍⬛💕👮🏻‍♂️💙✨

[streamdotpng]

Yeah it's prob bc bitching in omegaverse, as just stated in the au thought, is pretty taboo bc of how entangled it is with alphas usually doing it to degrade someone

It's different bc wednesday is a willing participant

Less of surgery and more of physical therapy I suppose?? Like prepping yourself for smth

Aight, line break bc this shit gets NSFW. Here's the link to the og post

It starts with the diet.

The idea was to feed the body as if preparing for pregnancy, giving it everything an omega would want to consume if they were trying to conceive. The same foods and vitamins that can help push an omega towards pregnancy can also help support the bitching process for a beta or alpha.

Prenatal vitamins were a must. For those bitching someone against their will, they would often find ways to slip them into their food or switch them out with their regular vitamins. But since wednesday was bitching herself, shs didn’t have to stop there.

So she'd eat more dairy, lean meat, complex carbs, yams and berries etc etc

Next, we got the genitalia. Beta's don't exclude slick in this universe so Wednesday would need to get used taking something if she wishes to couple with Enid. Sure there's the natural lubricant when one is afab but sometimes that isn't enough considering that beta's aren't built for alphas..

Yeah, you get where I'm going with this

But it isn't just that, everytime she would need to do this she'd need to have Enid's scent on her so her body would associate finishing to her alpha. This could Kickstart smth akin to the heat that omegas could get into whenever around the alpha they like

This is where enid doesn't need to know part comes in because she simply needs Enid scent, not Enid herself. Not surprising for Wednesday to straight up steal the alpha's clothes.

They're in college in the au, seeing as I based it off the scent blind au and have seperste rooms, it's not new for wednesday to hole herself up in her own safe space

But now that Wednesday got those two steps out of the way, she now needs to get into Enid's den. The alpha didn't even need to be there and considering how they both have different class schedules, it was so easy for wednesday to sneak into the room

Now, you're prob asking why tf does Wednesday need to be in Enid's den? It's bc now that her body is rather used to thinking of enid whenever she finishes, it will start to biologically yearn for the alpha too

Is Wednesday deadass making herself grow smth akin to omega instincts for Enid? Yes.

Told you she's crazy

She would need to spend several hours in the den, enough to make her own body yearn for a strong but absent alpha's presence, enough to stimulate the making of pheromones specifically designed to attract this particular alpha

Nothing sexual had to be done in this part, Wednesday simply had to daydream and enjoy Enid's bed while surrounded by her scent

So she does this, for weeks.

And since beta's don't produce a scent, guess who's none the wiser?

Yeah that's right, Enid.

But wait a sec, after a few months Enid would scrunch her nose for a moment and tug at her blanket. For some reason, something felt off.

Maybe she was close to her rut? It'd explain why she was sweating so much recently. Damn late bloomer things..

And so the three steps continue for months

Until one day, Enid smells something enticing from somewhere in the house. It's confusing, because it's strong enough to make the alpha drool for a moment before she slapped herself into her senses

Was there someone in heat in her house?? Enid got worried, slipping off her shoes and fretting around the place. Maybe Wednesday brought someone over and it escalated? The image leaves a sour taste in the blonde's mouth and she goes straight to the source

The door to Wednesday's room is cracked ajar and there's this sound, of something wet and slick echoing inside.

Enid isnt a fool, she knows what it is but.. She has to ask, maybe make sure?? Honestly it's getting a bit harder to think but like normal, Enid grasps at the handle and knocks

She breathes heavily, hoping that it'd calm her dowm down but it didn't help. If anything it has the alpha biting at her lip bc fuck, her fangs popped out

Shit, this is getting bad. She needs to leave else she does something she regrets.

"Enid," a breathless voice calls from the room.

And well something stirs in Enid's stomach, something primal and like a switch has been flipped, the blond pushes the door open to step inside

Wednesday smiles

Seems like degenerate Wednesday got what she wanted in the end, for Enid to consider her as her omega

Then again, instincts are wild and now that Wednesday knows that Enid's alpha will only think of her as her omega no matter what, she can be satisfied because yknow how Wednesday is

Good for her I suppose, wonder how Enid is taking it. And yknow what's funny? Idk if my hints have been pretty obvious but enid was willing to date Wednesday regardless of whether she's a beta or not

She can be just like her parents bc when she loves, she wants it to be as all consuming as they make her feel

It's only right after all, for her devotion to be repaid in full

[studies-in-the-art-of-deduction]

New post series announcement

So over the past few days i've been writing the first few entries of a new post series, it'd consist of small, concise deduction tips, ranging from things that point towards specific conclusions like someone's extraversion levels, to ways of confirming your deductions without asking for confirmation

These would be very small, a few sentences max. There are multiple purposes for a series of such small posts, but one of the things i do wanna make clear is that these posts can and probably will incite questions from anyone who follows them, and i encourage you to send them my way, since this can lead to either detailed answers for you individually, or bigger, more useful posts being written about a subject many people seem to be having trouble understanding

These would still be posted weekly on Wednesdays. An idea i've been toying with has been slowly but surely filling up the week with different types of useful posts so we can reach a point where we have at least one post everyday. My only worry with this is the possibility of this plan oversaturating anyone who wants to keep up with my blog as i put out new content, resulting in people feeling overwhelmed with the amount of information, exercises, and tips sent their way

But we'll cross that bridge when we get to it, for now you can expect the first post of the new series on Wednesday

Happy Observing!

-DV

[ablatheringblatherskite]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Let's spread the self-love❤️🖤

omgomgomg okay!! I love this!! Thank you so much for including me!!

Before I start I just wanna say u are the first person to ever send me an ask since I joined Tumblr 🥹 tytyty

Alright so this is gonna be a little tough (VERY tough) but, I think, of the PUBLISHED fics that I have (because I have TOO MANY FANFICS IN THE WORKS, AND I DON'T WANNA HAVE TO CHOOSE FROM THERE), in no particular order, my favorites so far are:

1. Woe is We

Fandom: Wednesday

Summary:

Panting, body dripping with blood, someone else's blood. Wednesday's blood. Tyler came slowly to Nevermore.

All that remained was the charred remains of the once renowned school, blackened and smelling of ash and blood.

Crackstone had succeeded. Laurel had won.

2. stupid, stupid cartoons

Fandom: Wednesday

Summary:

Donovan Galpin was never one to watch cartoons. But here he was, his ass on the couch, watching a cartoon about magic element benders.

3. Talking to the Moon

Fandom: Avatar: The Last Airbender

Summary:

Toph wakes up to hear Sokka talking. No one else is awake. Who could he possibly be talking to when there was no one else around for miles?

4. Orphans

Fandom: Hamilton: the Musical

Summary:

Hamilton was not the only person to lose his parents. He was not the only one to have experienced the pain of death. He was not the only orphan to have touched upon America's history.

aaaand last but not least:

5. A Gift for a Padawan

Fandom: Star Wars (Clone Wars)

Summary:

Anakin sighed as he watched her go, that familiar feeling of resentment towards the Jedi and their traditionalism battling inside him. It was just ONE little thing. Would it have been so bad?

AKA, Master Skyguy's soft spot for Snips makes him consider doing something he's pretty sure the Council wouldn't approve of. But then again, since when has that ever stopped him?

I was thinking of waiting to answer this after I published my Weyler Week fics (because I'm definitely pretty proud of those, possibly enough to knock some of these fics off the list), but I wanted to give my fics from other fandoms a chance!

I feel like it'd be nice to mention though that, in order of oldest to newest, it's actually:

1. Orphans

2. A Gift for a Padawan

3. Talking to the Moon

4. stupid, stupid cartoons

5. Woe is We

BUT I will say that, though Orphans is the oldest fic here (near the very end of my Hamilton phase, which ended around 2020? and was posted on fanfiction.net, before I moved to AO3), it's also the last Hamilton fanfic I ever finished. A Gift for a Padawan is also the last Star Wars fanfic I've written (posted in 2022, the last fanfic I ever posted on fanfiction.net I think). Meanwhile stupid, stupid cartoons was my first ever published Wednesday fanfic, while Woe is We is obviously the last one I posted (for Wednesday, but also the last fic I posted in general).

I will definitely be sending this ask to other ppl as well 🥹 this is such a good and sweet idea aaaaaa let's go

[living-d3ad-gh0ul]

Sunday 11th June 2023, 02.00am

I've sat here for a couple minutes now, trying to think of how to start this post. But I keep coming up blank. So I guess I'll just start writing. I read your post before I came here to write mine, although I had actually planned to write to you tonight anyway. I've been thinking of you every single day since I last wrote to you. All the time, wishing you could be here too. Thank you for the birthday wishes, E <3 Don't worry, you didn't miss it, it's on the 28th of this month. And I'll be 28, too. I don't know where the times bloody gone haha.

The last month has been... wild to say the least. Literally everything has changed. So so much has gone on. When I last wrote to you, we were in limbo, waiting for dad to come around from his mini-coma (that's what I've been calling it, cause it wasn't quite a coma, but he was very very sleepy and couldn't be woken up much). Well he did. He came around. He woke up and he called me on the Thursday of that week, which was 18th May. I think it was only a day or two after I wrote my last post. But god was it good to hear his voice. I cried so so much and so did he. He kept telling me he'd been trying to call me, but I think he'd either been dreaming of calling me or thinking about it. I didn't care though, it was just so fucking good to hear from him and actually talk to him. We spoke on the phone for almost an hour, before he got tired again and I told him to go rest.

The specialist nurse also called me. The day before my dad came around, so the Wednesday. And um.. well.. I don't really know how to say this. She said that he wasn't responding as well or as quickly as they'd hoped he would. Or rather as he should be. So.. they were taking the biopsy and all treatment off the table. They had done some more scans and.. after careful consideration, they decided that my dad was already too far gone. That he is terminal and we're now looking at Palliative care and keeping him comfortable, rather than trying to cure anything. She explained to me that any kind of surgery would just be far too dangerous and that giving him anaesthetic could potentially be fatal. As well as any treatments could maybe him worse rather than better, even at that, they may not too much. They were now formally diagnosing him with a grade 4 malignant tumour. It's called a glioblastoma, which.. unfortunately is one of the most aggressive and deadly. I was devastated to hear this news. I'm still devastated. I asked her if I had to come down there right away, she said no, not right now.. but it'd be wise if I did come soon. Hearing that kind of thing, especially about your parent, is awful. The next day when he came around, they had me and my dad discuss signing a DNACPR (Do Not Attempt CPR). Which he wanted to sign. And I'm not one to go against his wishes, if that's what he wants then that's fine. It's his life and his choice, and he expressed that he didn't want to end up in a worse state if they did do CPR. So we signed it off, as per my father's wishes. It still makes me really sad to think of.

I ended up going down there to Nottingham on the Friday, 19th May. My friend and her partner drove me down to see my dad and I stayed in the guest room at the place where my dad lives, which was nice enough, it was just like a little hotel room really, but with the added bonus of having a small kitchen so I could make my own food and stuff. I saw him on the Saturday too up at the hospital.. and god it was so good to see him. He was obviously laid up in a hospital bed, but I still managed to give him a big cuddle and let him kiss my cheek. We held hands a lot and he told me all the things he wanted to make sure we had set in place, such as a power of attorney and a will and what songs he wanted at his funeral. It was difficult talking about some of it, but I knew it was necessary at this point. So I immediately got to work on all of it over the next few days, getting all the forms ready for the power of attorney (which.. I won't lie, it's kinda scary being in charge of someone else's life, nevermind my own. Cause once it comes through, I'll have control over everything to do with my dad's life. Health, welfare, finance, everything.) and setting up things for him on his new phone, to make things easier for him to access and use.

I was down there for two weeks, visiting him every single day up at the hospital, taking him things he might need or want, spending time with him. It was kinda strange being in a hospital ward every single day, but I didn't want him to go without a visitor at all, especially when I was in his city and my purpose of being there was to see him and make sure he was being looked after okay. It was a really really busy time, because I had to sort out all of his things, visit him and then also clear out his flat and stuff too. And then I had to find a way to get all of his things back to Scotland, because we'd made the decision along with his care team that we'd be looking for a nursing home placement back in Scotland, back home where he belongs and where he can be close to me and where he grew up. Dad was more than happy with this, he was just happy he could be close to me and I could go see him whenever I like, instead of having to travel 5+ hours to see him. I tried to make a little time while I was down there to just.. relax too. I seen some old college friends and old friends from when I lived down there when I was a teenager. I had a night out to a local pub/club with them and it was pretty good. I had felt guilty about it, but my dad told me I better go and have a good time for him and take lots of pictures and show him the next day. Which I did, and he had a big smile on his face the whole time I told him. Every doctor, nurse and care assistant in the hospital said that the minute I was mentioned or the minute he saw me, his face would just completely light up. It's kind of heartwarming to know that I mean that much to someone.

Like I said, it was a really busy time and I had a lot to do, so it passed really quickly. But it also felt like it lasted forever. This last month has felt so quick but also like it's been a year rather than a month. We managed to get dad a place in a nursing home that's only 10 minutes from me, so it's really really handy. I can literally walk to it from my house. We managed to get all his transport and stuff sorted out and he was moved up here on Tuesday of this week (6th June). I had an awful time of trying to find a way to get all dad's stuff up here, but one of my best friends mums actually really fucking helped me out and she came all the way down to Nottingham and picked me up, we both loaded her car up with all my dad's things and then we hit the road back home to Scotland. I made sure to thank the lady at the supported living place my dad lived at for letting me stay in their guest room for so long, she was really nice to me when I stayed there. My dad's family have been helping out a little too, my uncles and their families. But.. they're not very good with this kind of thing. My mother... Well let's just say, I'm currently not on speaking terms with her at all. She's been a little cruel and not compassionate at all. I'd rather not talk too much about that, she's just been a bit nasty about everything when neither me or my dad need it right now. Especially when I'm dealing with so much and basically having to do everything for my dad. I get her and my dad ended badly and that she doesn't like him, but in this kind of situation the least she can do is be a little supportive for me.

So.. dad is in his nursing home back in Scotland, all of the staff seem so nice and again.. they all knew me before I knew them. Apparently my dad does not stop talking about me and he's always telling them how special I am and how much he loves me. I've had so many of them tell me just exactly what he says about me and say that I am the absolute light of his life. Which.. I'll be honest, I don't know how to take haha. It's nice obviously, I'm just not very good at taking compliments. I get all blushy and shy, especially when it's strangers doing it. He's always telling me recently how proud he is of me too, how I'm doing a wonderful job of taking care of him and all his thing, how I'm the best thing that ever happened to him. He's full of other compliments too that he slyly slides in there every now and then too, calling me beautiful and saying how I'm so special to him. Again, I just get all blushy and roll my eyes and stuff and just go "yeah yeah I get it, you love me" lol. But it really is so nice to hear him say it all. Not that he didn't before, he absolutely did. But now it's moreso. It's like he wants to make sure I know exactly just how much he loves me before.. well you know..

His condition has.. kind of deteriorated slowly. Every day he gets a little more forgetful and confused. He can't stand or walk, so he has to use a wheelchair to get around, which someone has to push for him because he has no mobility in his left arm now too. His eyesight is getting a little worse too, especially in his left side. The tumour is pressing on the right side of his brain, so that's making everything on the opposite side not work as well or stop working. He sometimes has little hallucinations or delusions too, which is something that's started up in the past couple weeks. Which.. isn't nice sometimes, especially when he gets upset about them. He's so determined and convinced that they're real, he won't listen to anything anyone says. He's told me he always wants me to be honest with him though, to tell him what's real and what's not real, to keep him right if he gets forgetful or confused. Which I do, I just try and do it in a gentle way where he wouldn't get upset or anything. Especially when he starts thinking my stepmum is still alive.. those ones hurt the most, because they're so difficult to deal with and I don't want to outright tell him "she's passed away". I just feel like that would be cruel. So I try and jog his memory, ask him if he remembers that she was sick and what happened and stuff. That usually helps. But only for a few minutes, his short term memory is really bad and he repeats himself a lot. It's not his fault at all so I just remind him and repeat myself a lot too. Eventually the conversation moves on to something else and he doesn't even remember it happened. It's tough, it's really tough, but I'll do anything I can for him. I love my dad so much and I'm terrified for the end. It's so hard to sit and watch him get sicker and sicker every day. But I try so hard to stay strong for him, to show him how much I care and how much I love him and that he absolutely will not be alone through any of this. I simply will not allow it.

He actually bought me an early birthday present the other day. He paid for me to have my hair done and have a new tattoo (of which I'll attach pictures so you can see). He said he wanted to do that for me because he wanted me to have a nice birthday and to have some "chill time". He knows how much I love having my hair done and getting tattoos, so it was perfect. My dad loves getting tattoos too, me and him actually have a matching one and he has his favourite Moto GP riders signature tattooed on him. He met him one time at one of the races, asked him to sign his arm and literally within half an hour, he was sat in a tattoo shop getting it inked onto himself haha. My dad is a cool fucking dude. We had to sell his bike unfortunately. It was a really really sad thing for both of us, since my dad has never been without a bike for as long as I've lived. Hell even before that actually. But the lady we dealt with through it all was so helpful and she really made it all so much easier. We got the special engravings he had on his bike for my stepmum (one of them actually matches my thigh tattoo, which he had made when he got his new bike after I'd already had my tattoo done), so I decided I was gonna try and find something to do with them. And that's what I did tonight. I'll show you a picture of what I made. It's called a shadowbox. And the pictures in it are actually my dad on his old bike and his bike he just had.

I'm so glad that you're doing okay. And I'm glad you managed to sort out your GPU issue lol. I really want to build a new PC, but mine works fine for now, especially since I don't seem to be using it as much recently what with everything going on. Streaming is so much fun, I had done it for a little while a couple years ago and had a great time doing it. The only reason I stopped was because college got way too busy and then I was working all the time, so I didn't have much of a chance to do it anymore. I think you'd be really really good at it, I'm really excited for you and I'd love to know what you'll be streaming and more about all of that. I'm sorry you feel that way about your band. Have you guys tried writing some new material? Or is it just that as a whole, you just feel like things are a little stagnant? Whatever you choose to do, I support it. I support anything you want to do in life, because I know no matter what it is, it'll be great, because you are great. You really really are. And I am so grateful to you for being here for me, even just like this. I'll be honest, I did tear up a little (happy tears) when I saw you'd written to me again, just to let me know you're still here. It meant so much to me. You mean so much to me.

I really really am sorry that this post is so long again. I'm just about to go to bed and get some sleep, it's been a long day and I just got done making my dad's thing for him before I came here to write to you. I promise you I'm being safe and I know I can come here and write to you if I need to talk. I wish I could like.. actually talk to you right now. I miss your voice so much. But I can still remember it so clearly in my head. I wish I could just.. curl up and have you cuddle me for a little bit. Even if it was just for five minutes. I would really really like that.

I hope you and Chonky are doing well, I really really liked the picture of her. She's so fluffy and she looks so soft. I can't lie, when I seen her picture, I started doing all that baby talk that people do to cute animals and I just wanted to sink my hand into her belly fur and give her belly rubs. If my hand got torn to shreds from doing so, then so be it hahaha. Our little letters are really a bit of a lifeline for me right now. I've been reading yours over and over again a lot the past few weeks. They really do comfort me so much. Just to know you're out there and you're still here and you're thinking of me..

No moon for me tonight, it's been really warm and sunny here for the past few weeks, it's been nice actually. But tonight it rained and there's been some thunder and lightning, so I've been sat at my window watching and listening to that as I write to you.

I can't wait to hear from you again soon, E. And I loved the song. I love City and Colour so much. Dallas Greens voice is so soothing.

I'll talk to you soon. I miss you. I really really do. And thank you for all of this.. for being here for me and comforting me, even if only through our letters.

"Not to touch a hair on your head, leave you as you are, if he felt he had to direct you then direct you into my arms.."

N x

[never-not-ever]

I spontaneously texted my Nana asking if she wanted to go get dinner tonight and that I'd bring cards and we could play a few rounds. We used to always play games when she'd come visit me inpatient and since I've been out we played once in my apartment, once upstairs in her place and then once at Panera. We're going to this quiet little Italian place so maybe it'll be nice. Plus I need to catch her up on things that may be happening this week.

When I told her I had an appointment today she mentioned me trying to not make appointments on Sundays. Then she was clarifying the other days of the week I had appointments and mentioned how she was going to go to her sisters at some point this week and stay a few nights. So that's when I mentioned grabbing dinner and we could talk then.

Therapy was strange. Before I get into the strangeness, I did mention the Sunday thing and she said I could see her virtually on Sundays since I still see her in person on Wednesdays so that's good. But the strangeness... I don't know if it's an anxiety med or if she's high but I could tell she was definitely "on something". I think I've only seen her like less than 10 times in person so far but the way she looked today was the same as how she looked during my first in person appointment with her and I freaked out back then because I felt like there was zero connection. It's weird cause I don't notice this when it's a virtual appointment. Her in person appointments have gotten easier but it's still weird.

It helps that I don't maintain eye contact for the majority of the appointment so it's easy to not be reminded of how she looks. She's also very braggy and I don't like it. "Well you have me on your team so..." like if I say something hopeless about getting better and my future she always reminds me that she's a part of my team now. If things didn't work out in the past, "well this time you have me". It's only been a few months, and I don't know her well enough and vice versa for her to be so full of herself regarding my recovery. It'd be one thing if she said it once and that was it. In fact I probably didn't think anything of it the first time but the more she says it the more uncomfortable it makes me.

She asked about the self harm and if it happened since I saw her last and I said once. So I saw her on Wednesday and during that session I told her how it hasn't happened the last few days and she was all thumbs up and "that's amazing... blah blah blah" and I hate that. So then today, on Sunday, me saying it happened once since Wednesday and she was once again all excited and at one point said "I can see how hard you're working, I want you to know I can see that". And I wanted to look at her and laugh because lady I'm not doing shit. The urges just weren't there and I've been so exhausted lately and sleeping a lot. I'm not doing any "hard work". Doing hard work would be if I had urges every single day since Wednesday but pushed through and used skills but that's not what happened.

I guess I'm just being reminded more that she really doesn't understand me yet. I feel like my program therapist at partial understood me more than this lady does and I've seen this therapist a lot more.

Ughhhh time to end this ranty post.

[hospitalterrorizer]

diary71

11/21-22/2023

tuesday - wednesday

listening to arab on radar, made cookies, read some julia kristeva.

not as much as i would have liked. her book called black sun, about misery. she says melancholia a lot, but something feels distantly embarrassing about saying that. saying i am melancholic. i am, though. it's so obvious it's painful, which is why it's a bit of an embarrassing word to say. i'm excited for her chapter about beauty, in the book. i want to read more of her stuff, so i dled some pdfs, might check that out tonight. anyway:

today i woke up annoyed, because the thing that got me out of bed was being told about how my friends got confused, because of the one guy in there who i find really frustrating, because he is making my friend depressed, gently, or not gently, but it's not aggressively, i guess. he was like, it's next week right, and other guys were like, is it?? and then they were like, well maybe it should be. my friend's gf was like, well, you should all try to come by tomorrow! which got a lot of them to be like: okay. the only one who seems like a maybe at this point, is the annoying guy. i am still expecting him to show up, though. he is saying he's going to be cooking w/ his family for thursday, but who knows, he's not a good cook, he cooked for us on his birthday (a kindness, certainly (strangely, he talked to me extensively that day, that day only, about how much he wanted everyone to be together always, all the time, and how much pleasure he got from getting everyone together "like this"(lends credence to the idea that he really wants to be the center of whatever group he's in))) and when he cooked he burnt all the meat, overdone, a friend said it was quote unquote dog-food. so i think his family would actually be happy to lose his hands.

i made 31 cookies, 33 technically but i ate 1.5, gf ate the other half (too full).

i'm still looking forward to tomorrow. i'm going to bitch abt the annoying guy with my friend's gf, i'm sure she'd be happy to complain a little, since he tried to fuck her plans up, or not tried, he just kind of almost did, by stumbling in the dark. everyone was like, making me so mad, when they were like, maybe we really should do it next week. it felt like a bunch of men deciding that when women make plans that they aren't central to, they can freely ignore them and decide what would make for better plan-making. one said that it'd be easier to plan if it were next week, but this has been a plan for about a week, already, it feels like at least. maybe less? it's just casual, though. i guess i gave myself something easy to do, with the cookies, compared to other things people might cook.

anyway i want to post some dolls and then sleep:

@_godog_ hijikata haruna

i wonder if her name is her actual name or if a chosen name based on tatsumi hijikata, the butoh dancer/ pioneer. it would fit, aesthetically, the dolls are right on the edge of corpselike, i would like to put special attention to the recent works with dolls that have these nacre eyes. they're so dead, and so like cataracts, but still intone something beyond or before death, not lifeless, just beside the void. it gives voice to the experience/ thought that one speaks it, or is a vessel for that nothing to pass through, a perfection written with lightness, i also quite like what must be the earlier dolls with extremely off kilter / askew eyes, also near death, but also near the to the erotic experience, also dissociative, distant, it reminds me of being places and doing things i didn't like but also had no way to imagine excusing myself from, so i was just like, okay.

also, all the hands, they are between searching and articulating pain. arthritic and curious. (and the toes on the one with exposed feet, really special detail work across all the digits)

either way, they are really beautiful to me, i quite love her work.

~

freak's circus

some of these skew a bit too trevor brown for me to want to post here (unfortunately i like some of his stuff, because i guess i look at it and have the stupid, wow, girl with surgery equipment looking crazy, i love that, response (he is so clearly a gross perv but i guess i excuse it in certain artists and not others (that's fine though because i don't think i'm ever excusing pedophilia like i feel like i'd have to w/ trevor brown (i don't think these dolls are pedophilic, though, so)))) anyways, i'm shocked i never saw or heard of these dolls anywhere, they're quite cute, and pretty. they just kind of lean on the whole creepy cute thing (all these dolls do) but these ones are much more willingly the kind of creepy cute pop art that can either become very bad or be very good, i'm fond of it. it's like so near bad taste it's kind of lovely/intoxicating, like the weird amputee dolls, it's an externalization of a cluster of feelings or ways you can feel like you are seen in such aggressive manner, i guess if you are one to read it that way, it's compelling no matter what. another reason i guess i'm so stricken by it, is the tension between perfection/the pristine, wanting terrible things to happen, and real malady, subtle bruising, illness, wanting to be tortured, being tortured actually, and needing to be beautiful, and that impossibility, all projected onto a toy, also remains compelling for me, in particular the conjoined twin dolls connect. the fish stomach one is simply very stunning to me, really really beautiful, and also silly and simple, it's stepping the line of good taste in certain ways, it does not have any restraint, none of these do, all excess all the time, everything at full volume, subtlety isn't absent, it's revived from a corpse though, killed and brought back by all the noise, it exists in the (dis)harmonies and nested thoughts happening as you are blasted by that image, sneaking many things in, dirty fantasies and the worry over the fantasies all the same.

ofc the mari shimizu feeling thing w/ the anatomical venus belly cutout w/ something religious feeling placed inside instead of organs (the sacred is the bodily??? gaspppp) is cute. i can't tell if it bothers me when anyone but her does that. i'm in favor, i suppose, because it is such a pretty/cute idea, to me.

~

@sekisyoku_metro

these ones really caught my eye, as where the last creator leans very hard into the kitsch/pop art area, and the first feels so heavenly almost, corpses stuck in a threeway of transcending, rotting, and still living, returning to themselves, or having never left, these really are the most corpselike and grotesque without being actually ugly. the first doll here, has a stomach as rough as the moon, it resembles io to me, the body is the color of a corpse left in a sulfuric lake, the face is that of an angry god. the noh mask features are quite insane, these dolls are maybe the most physical i've seen, or they immediately strike me as physical, heavy. the one missing her arm, she is less impersonable in her face, but she still remains strange, uncanny. i also quite love the desaturated pink ribbon as a mote of viscera. somehow more effective than anything grosser, it feels, it gives a sensation in my arms, of the tendons quieting after an execution.

~

anyhow, uhh, what else did i do, today. i tried redoing vox for another song, i think it's almost there, need to go back in and do a couple lines probably, i want some parts that are like girlier sounding i guess, no better way to put that. and then find a way to mix the vocals a little better, maybe just low shelf some stuff out. it can be quieter too, listening to arab on radar, it's not like the stuff i want to be like is really like, upfront vocally.

another song i think it'd be good to keep in mind:

i think maybe next super short song i do i should let myself use a synth sound that's really obvious, instead of these guitar thingies, just give myself like, a break, with mixing. i think it'd be easier.. . but who knows. i love to #fuckeverythingup and #dotoomuch (earlier in the blog, when i talk about subtlety revived, life poured into its mouth by noise i was also talking about something i think i do and #lovesomuch)

anyway i have to sleep soon. i get so much more talkative here when i ready anyfuckingthing. it's crazy. i have to make myself do it a bit every day. it made me write a little too. nothing substantial (substantial right now has to be me going in and working on the structure and slotting things together for the story) but doing anything is good. it keeps my mind working.

so,

byebye!!!!!!!!

[magibb-blog]

If you haven’t been able to post yet, try to do so as soon as possible!

Don’t forget to tag with #magibb or @ this blog ❤  

[poisonousquinzel]

Hey y'all, I really hate to be making a post like this, but in true 2020 2.0 fashion, life has been... rough.

I've been trying to get a job in my city since May, but I've been denied because of my health issues.

We also don't have a car. And our town is small so while we technically have a bus, it comes by near my house once per day and isn't reliable.

My mom can't work and my step dad's online work has been stretched dry recently so he's been making bare minimum for months.

I had been under the impression in the beginning of May that I would have the assistance of my parents in this, I've never done most of this before and they made it sound like my mom would help me.

However that wasn't really the case, personal stuff happened for them and I don't necessarily blame them for that, but then in June I got denied for a job because "I have too many health issues" and my step dad told me that we'd get back to it after my birthday. (Post 12th)

I've asked my step dad every morning when I wake up what we're going to do that day, because he had said he was going to be the one handling the job stuff when we started again.

And every day we've done whatever it is he said. We walked up to 7-11, turned in an application, looked up online jobs, etc.

We did the same on Wednesday and the only reason I didn't keep looking into more of them that afternoon was because I had a migraine. And when I have migraines they're not just headaches and they're not just migraines.

It's something I've been working through with my doctor about, because my previous long term doctor since childhood was completely incompetent at her job.

When I get migraines, it makes me nauseous. And being nauseated makes my heart slow down and I faint or collapse.

I can't sleep, it hurts to close my eyes or move them behind my eyelids. It feels like it's sparking against metal with every movement.

I've had to go to the hospital for it in the past when I collapsed into a pile of bags and was barely breathing, my previous doctor just... didn't look at the hospital's report on my visit. Like when I tell you in hindsight she really sucked, she really fucking sucked.

So, yeah, I slept a lot on Wednesday. I wasn't thrilled about it either.

And I told my step dad that I'd do all that stuff on Thursday.

My physical state was pretty visibly clear, I couldn't leave my extra darkened room without wearing sunglasses even though it was 8:30 at night.

But, then on Thursday instead I got into a really heated discussion with the two of them.

And... I am just very, very tired now.

I panic called my therapist 5 times in less than 10 minutes afterwards. It was a really bad day.

Thankfully I was able to get back to back emergency appointments with her and my doctor yesterday morning so dw emotionally wise. But I don't know how I'd be fairing if I hadn't been able to get those scheduled.

But Long Story Short:TLDR: we are a couple of weeks away from being on the streets.

Or in a shelter. We wouldn't be able to bring any of our cats. We would lose all of them.

I don't want to beg, but I suppose I am cause I'm terrified

We're behind on bills and next months are just around the corner, we've run out of local resources here that can help. I don't know all of the specifics, but I do know we're out of options.

If you're in a good financial situation and you feel like it, if you can, literally anything would help.

It'd mean the world. I don't want to end up on the streets or in a shelter, and I really don't want to lose my cats.

I can't.

They're the only thing keeping me going, so, please

PayPal •

its.me.ya.frustrated.girl@gmail.com

Cashapp • $Poisonousquinzel

reblogs and signal boosting are also super appreciated!!

[jimmymcgools]

hi! i'm loving 86 years and live for the updates every week!! i'm working on some longfic but i wanted to know how you write so much and keep it that good, do you think it's better to finish a fic before you start posting it? how much do you write every day?

thank you so much!! 💞

i don't think there's one best way, but i can talk about what's worked for me! i find the (fictional) weekly deadline really motivating and i like hearing from people as the fic goes. but i can also see how that would be daunting, and if i finished a fic before i posted it it'd be nice to be able to go back and change things when i fuck up. instead of just rolling with the fuck ups. (though that's fun too!)

these weekly updates are kind of like a magic trick that i don't want to look at too closely, because i'm worried it'll stop working. but i can talk about my roughish schedule!

i don't write every day, though i think my average chapter length is somewhere around 6k-7k so that'd mean 1k words a day if you did divide it up that way.

since i post on thursday, i don't do any work on it on friday and often saturday. on sunday i try to start turning the idea i have for the chapter into something with actual shape. ie "kim sits the bar" into "1. red cloud, 2. court stuff with patty, 3. bar exam, 4. leaving bar flashback, 5. leaving bar present" if that makes sense, where i suddenly have a sense of actual scenes. (and the purpose of them. like, knowing i want to show court stuff to show that kim is finding real joy in that work again. show that she made the right choice)

i hope to get that done on sunday but sometimes it needs monday. on monday i also try to start filling the document with rough dialogue and anything i can vomit out that's not actual prose. so, parts of kim's conversation with patty, that conversation with the dude in the bar, etc.

monday also means i have my 30 minute commutes to & from work again, and i love those because i just set a voice memo going and talk out ideas. then when i pull up gdocs again i have something to write already, cause i just transcribe that. eventually i'll start just dictating full prose scenes as well using that time.

this all sounds nightmarish i know, but like... i guess it's a system designed to chunk the task down into smaller pieces. like, ok i'm just thinking up dialogue, ok i'm just talking out prose and as i type it up i'll polish it. ok i'll pull up the doc but i don't have to write right away, i have a voice memo to type up first.

tuesday/wednesday are the real writing days. i'm always hoping i don't have to write TOO much on thursday, but i often have about 1k words left to go. and then on thursday i'll read through it and have a voice reader read it to me and try to proofread as best i can. then post! rinse and repeat.

good luck with your writing!! i think ultimately it's about trying out stuff and finding what works for you, but i hope maybe there's some ideas in there? <3

[elytrafemme]

21. What’s an idea you e always wanted to write but haven’t yet?

26. Are your title names easy to come up with (if so how do you do it)?

37. Would you collab ever with another author?

Also hello Mare hope your day is going good <3

21)

i'm an experimentalist when it comes to fanfiction tropes-- i try to write a little bit of everything, even if i don't post it-- but i have never attempted a straight-up rom-com fic. i have no idea how i would, since i am absolutely shit at writing romance as a whole, but it's kind of a neat idea i might tinker with one of these days!

26)

unless the titles come to me in some class-induced haze at approximately 11 AM on a school-week Wednesday, or alternatively are named after songs, then i'm going to struggle til the very last second figuring a name out.

37)

yes and no.

on one hand, i absolutely want to. me and zie sort of collabed writing with the thread we did and have idly discussed how cool it'd be if we collabed again, plus i have a LOT of cool writer friends (yourself included) where i feel like the mix of styles would be neat

on the other hand. my track record with collabs is generally really bad and it's just another layer of committment that i inevitably get stressed and avoid like the plague. so if it's not a tumblr thread that lasts like 6 hours on some spare Saturday, then i am probably not going to do it?

[ask game]

[magioftheseas]

TWO WEEKS LATER I want to say thank you for the P5/AA AU details :D I actually had to step back, because even though I like AA quite a lot, I wasn't done with the first game and needed to finish for the right context ^^" You definitely surprised me with "EdgeKoto" but your reasoning makes so much sense, especially with Akechi in a supporting detective role. I really enjoy Gumshoe in the game, but it definitely makes more sense for the Defense to have a talented (private) detective on their side than... a spirit medium XD Maya is great don't get me wrong, it just means the AU relies way less on "over-eager Labrador of a detective leaks information to the Defense" if Akechi is a disgraced star detective. I also love the through-line of Akechi "done wrong, doing right" and what questions that would force the story to raise about true justice. Is there such a thing as an unforgivable crime, if the perpetrator truly repents? Of course society needs a justice system, but what if a criminal's choices are more redemptive than the crime's required punishment? And since Akechi's crimes are so heinous from the get-go, when can he actually be let off the hook, even if those around him sincerely believe he's changed? Exactly the kind of deep questions that would keep prosecutors and defense attorneys up at night. For the last case, yeah, I'm not sure either?! I guess the only other character not "addressed" is Futaba, and I did enjoy the pressure the statute of limitations created in the 4th trial, but those concepts don't mesh together well. It doesn't actually set up a clear pattern of accused/victim/perpetrator, and unless characters have their ages drastically changed, it's unlikely any crime Akechi committed could be erased by running out the clock. I don't have answers, mostly questions, but GOD I was so happy that you were combining two super great things that I am having so much fun with! I had to make sure you knew that! Happy Wednesday! ^_^

Continuation of This Post:

ANSWERING THIS TWO MONTHS LATER BECAUSE AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA, I'M SO SORRY.

But yeah! I know a lot of AA AUs go with Akechi as the prosecutor because he's meant to be Akiren's rival, but I thought one where the two were on much friendlier terms would make things more interesting. And since they're the main ship, it's also very AA if they had an established bit of history.

Further ponderings on that last case are gonna be under this read-more.

Thinking more on the final case, I was considering actually changing the culprit to...idk Owada from Strikers. I'm not super into Strikers, but Zenkichi's already in the AU so it works out. If I recall, that guy's trying to be the next Shido, like, canonically anyway. (I guess this means Konoe is a more benevolent force? Sure, why not.) Either way, all of Shido's dirty laundry gets aired out, and Akechi is still exposed so he's not just going to face no consequences. I think it'd be fun if he was still heavily suspected and he fully expected to not be believed, but Akiren DOES BELIEVE IN HIM BECAUSE THEY'RE BOYFRIENDS AND HE KNOWS AKECHI'S CHANGED.

It may not be an entirely happy ending, but it will still be very, very gay. I can promise that much.

I think I'll keep Zenkichi's backstory intact and hearing about it is what drives Futaba to be more helpful and involved. And after the whole trial is done with and Owada is jailed, she does just go up to Akechi and demand answers about what happened to her mother.

It'll uh, definitely be a bit of a roller coaster but whatevs. Final cases tend to be pretty complicated, haha. But at the end, with all of Shido's dirty laundry aired out and even his "successor" arrested, there is like...an uncertain sort of contentment afterward. Akiren gets Akechi to swear that they'll meet and duel again no matter how many years it takes, and everyone else can finally move on without the shadow of the conspiracy. (And having developed to be a bit more well-rounded, in the other characters' cases.)