#I wonder which one I chose
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hitwiththetmnt · 7 months ago
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Late night future Leo study sketches to tuck the homies into bed
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knockknockitsnickels · 2 months ago
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I think this is one of my favorite lines from the Wraith route because of (imo) how much the meaning changes depending on if you got there via Spectre or Nightmare. For Spectre, it honestly strikes me as a genuine question. Why are you doing this to her? If you're on the Spectre route, you presumably already know the Narrator can't really be trusted, since you had to reject his reward to get here. What are you hoping to gain from continuing to hurt her? For Nightmare, it honestly just makes me sad. As the Shifting Mound describes her, "She desires only companionship, but the only thing she knows is how to hurt." This line feels like a plea from someone who genuinely doesn't understand why you keep rejecting her. She wants to be with you, but she just can't understand how to do that in a way which doesn't hurt you.
#at the risk of getting put on a list there is something tragic & relatable in nightmare#someone who desperately wants to make connections but just can't understand how#anyway wraith is one of my favorite princesses for stuff like this (and bc tragedy aside her route is a riot)#also im sorry if she doesn't say that line if you got there via nightmare#that's how i got her and i could've sworn she did? But i only found footage of her saying it in spectre#slay the princess#stp#stp wraith#the wraith#stp spectre#stp nightmare#side note archetypal/heart#(slash so i don't accidentally tag them)#pointed out on another post of mine that you get wraith via nightmare by killing her and via spectre by leaving her in the basement#in both cases its a rejection of her (rejection being one of wraith's main themes)#which makes me speculate on spectre's ch 3 (which i think we currently have very little info on?)#Trying to run from Nightmare should technically be a 'rejection' as well#but you get MOC from that (and from choosing to stay with her)#imo bc you're just repeating the same inaction which got you into this situation in the first place#you don't want to slay her. you don't want to set her free. So you just leave her there (again)#and so you get MOC where things have only gotten worse and you have no choice left. Because you chose *not* to take action again#So I wonder if spectre 3 will be a similar 'repeating your past mistakes' type of deal#i was skeptical about it coming from stabbing yourself while she possesses you or trying to crush her bones#but it does make sense with that in mind#im curious if it'll parallel MOC#except instead of having no choice but to free the princess you have no choice but to obey the narrator again#maybe you both end up stuck in the cabin forever again?#idk#sorry i probably should've put all of that tag in the post lmao
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what did he mean by this…..
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spacegirlsgang · 2 months ago
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DBD x Met Gala (1/4): Edwin Payne and Heavenly Bodies: Fashion and the Catholic Imagination (2018)
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daisybell-on-a-carousel · 4 months ago
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"Jason was the happy robin" this, "jason was the angry robin" that. Let's all be fully honest here Jason was the lonely robin
#It gets worse the more i think about it aiguaoughhh#they pretty much retconned the people he was close to before the crisis. he only interacts with dick like once or twice#ive never seen him with barbara#he had no team#in terms of school he had rena(?) and then 3 friends that show up in an annual and never again#and obviously with the whole secret identity it hardly can be a close friendship. esp with how little theyre shown#in terms of super friends he had Danny and Kid Devil. which. one is mentioned off hand and theyre never seen together#and the other is from a short story and never brought up again#alfred has his praises sung but we never really see him connect with jay#all he had was BRUCE. and the only way to ever be with bruce is to be robin#is it really any wonder he chased after his mother? is it any wonder who chose to trust someone he hardly knew?#dc liveblog#jason todd#i feel so bad for him all the time for forever#ive just started reading comics after his death but before his resurrection. the hallucination jason era#and its seems to be shaping up to be with him written as the angry robin who never listened#which i Know is because of the writers. but in universe? it just feels like jason wasnt understood or known at all#doylist vs watsonian moment as they say#dc comics#batman comics#and he became a symbol of failure to batman So Quickly. not a memory but a reminder#and every trophy from his time as robin was taken out of the batcave. and every moment as jason was removed from (at least) bruces room#he was on call/on a list as a backup titan if they needed help but he wasnt With them. they teamed up twice#i cant remember if he meant it towards blood specifically or in general rn but he fully admitted to not being good/experienced enough#they didn't really know him and he didn't really know them#wait fuck was rena all pre-crisis. devastating. he stopped going on patrols n being robin for awhile when she was his gf#of course by then he was already A Hero who cant fully ignore how he can help so he eventually was like yeah we should stop a little#obviously there was that catwoman arc going on and i feel writers just liked keeping him away alot. but ough. he was so quick to stop when#there was someone There. and robin didn't have ti feel like all he had#anyway crisis got rid of her im sure. like harvey. when does 'pre and post crisis' actually start bc its not at the crisis its issues after
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pippin-pippout · 7 months ago
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So I’m aware that we as the audience knew already that Shanks and Buggy were both under Gol D Roger. We might’ve known they were sworn brothers from Shanks and Whitebeard’s conversation? Can’t remember
But the sheer hilarity of the reveal to everyone else. Because they just have the marines drop both those nuggets onto all the escapees at once.
And Luffy, who has just answered the phone while he is on his way to rescue his brother, who hears the name of his hero and the name of his father figure at once, and their association with Buggy, completely doesn’t give a fuck.
Meanwhile buggy is having an absolute panic attack about this exposure as everyone around him is like “but he’s so weak?” “How can you be so dirty?” “So every ship has one blemish huh?”
I love Buggy. He lucks into notoriety like he lucks into everything: completely by accident.
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softichill · 1 year ago
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The Sounds of Nightmares unofficial transcript
Chapter 3 - The Theater of the Mind
(Once again made with @queen0fm0nsterz!!!)
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
-------------
[Click]
[Otto sighs, shifting]
OTTO: Noone vanished last night. 
[Another sigh]
OTTO: As she slept, I was monitoring her ultradian sleep cycle. There was no REM/NREM oscillation; instead, involuntary spasms grew progressively worse. [shift] As I was about to wake Noone, her… body… evanesced. For a split instant- then returned, calm as can be. 
OTTO: [deep breath, loud exhale] Lacking sleep, I can’t be sure I wasn’t hallucinating. Yet the image of her sheets deflating… is imprinted upon my mind. [Sigh] After yesterday’s session, no less, when she claimed to hear this:
[Click, tape plays]
Recording of NOONE: “The faraway drifts near. Tread long, then, sink deep. Two flows from one, and here, is whole again.”
[Click, tape stops]
OTTO: A coincidence? [light clinking of ceramic/glass] Or, synchronicity? …(Scoff) Is that that bloody moth again?! 
[Loud smack, Otto sits back down] 
OTTO: Riddle piles upon riddle, and answers continue to elude. [Tape rewinding] I’ll sift through every word if I must. 
[Intro plays]
[Click]
[Loud clicking and clacking, electric humming, Otto screwing something in]
OTTO: [Humming drops, returns] It’s clear. Noone’s symptoms go beyond parasomnias. [Continuing to build] Her retellings are too detailed, vocabulary too advanced, as if derived from the oneiric itself. 
[Humming raises in pitch, clicking] 
OTTO: However, what I find impossible to believe is that Noone’s seen who you saw, Cici. [Chair creaks, clattering] If two people, without any contact, shared the exact same observation, is it proof of transpersonal dreaming?
[Otto’s building continues]
OTTO: But such implies concurrence! And these dreams are years apart! Then… no. [buzzing picks up] I cannot be taken to metaphysical backwaters. Sounding like my old professor. [building] I’ve remained balanced over the years by clinging to the notion that my recollection of what happened years ago was wrong. [click, humming gets loud again] But now, those memories are coming home to roost. 
[Clicks, electronic humming, building stops]
OTTO: [Shift] Before I began at the CPI I promised to finish this apparatus. I let it fall away, convinced that attempting it was fool’s work. Now struggling to put myself in her shoes, well. Fool me twice. 
[Humming gets louder, buzzes out completely as it shocks Otto and he lets out an “Oh!”]
[A small pained noise from Otto before he starts to put the apparatus away]
[Door opens]
OTTO: (Gasp) Noone! [Scoff, he walks away from the recorder] You’re meant to wait outside. 
NOONE: (Far away) What are you working on?-
[Audio cuts]
[Click, blank noise]
[Audio starts again]
OTTO: We’ve come to know each other better over the past weeks, haven’t we?
NOONE: Because we’re friends! That’s why. And, friends tell each other things. 
OTTO: Friends. That’s right. One of the absolutes I’ve come to realize is that, the more time you spend with someone, the harder it becomes to hide who you really are. The only exception to this rule is with the company of oneself- we willfully hide what we’d rather not face. Like, the Candleman you mentioned seeing, under hypnosis. 
NOONE: I don’t like that. 
OTTO: What?
NOONE: Hiding things from myself. 
OTTO: Nobody likes it. That’s why it’s important to reveal your inner face. “Depth analysis”, we call it. And so, I’d like you to think of this session as a dialogue with your unconscious mind- you are asking the questions, not me. 
NOONE: …Asking myself questions?
OTTO: I’ll help! But, as you go, I’d like you to try. So! This… Candleman. Did you see him again?
NOONE: I-I did. 
OTTO: And what was this meeting like?
NOONE: …He was much clearer. Not just him, everything about it. My nightmare. 
OTTO: Elaborate, please. Was it worse? More vivid?
NOONE: What’s it like- Uhm… as if I’m watching a film, that I’m also the star of. And when I woke… it was here, in the Coppy, that felt more like the dream. 
OTTO: Hm, more palpable. The Candleman-
NOONE: I can’t talk about him without the rest. …If this is an interview with myself, might I begin where I want?
OTTO: Of course! Let your imagination run. But don’t be afraid to interact with the dream. This is an important step in our process- the dialogue. Bring together the divided parts of yourself. 
NOONE: …The mirror. 
OTTO: Pardon?
NOONE: The one off your shelf. If I’m meant to speak to myself, well…
OTTO: [Pause] …Patients aren’t meant to have mirrors, but, here you are, my bright girl. 
[Otto gives her the mirror]
OTTO: Begin as you please. 
[Pause]
NOONE, Narrating: …In the dark… a hand let go of mine. 
[Slip noise, Dream!Noone gasps. Dream ambience begins.] 
NOONE: Opening my eyes, I lay on hot concrete, staring up at a sky with- no sun. And… before me was, endless grey, broken by- yellow lines of paint, all the way to the horizon!
NOONE: Standing, in that carpark, I heard a silence. So silent, my own heartbeat was a marching drum in comparison. …It was followed by… a loneliness, so lonely, I could hardly bear it. I had to turn away. 
[Dream!Noone walking on gravel]
NOONE: Behind me, I was glad to see a building! A shopping mall, so large I- I felt half my normal size. Its doors opened, [sliding gravel] and I ran to them. 
[running footsteps, transition from gravel to tile. Doors close behind Dream!Noone.]
NOONE: Inside the promenade, [lights click on] the lights flicked on, one by one, greeting me as the PA speakers came alive with music. 
[Tinny, slightly off-sounding mall music]
NOONE: It had been ages since I’d visited a shopping center. I didn’t know where to start!
OTTO: You saw no need to find an exit right away?
NOONE: I felt like I was in good hands. But many shops were closed, though. There were no doors, and… no displays in the windows. Or, there must have been a private entrance, because- I could see shadows beyond the glass. 
NOONE: …A-after passing by several shops this way, I grew disappointed, but that’s when… a cowboy’s voice came over the speaker. 
COWBOY, slightly overlapped with Noone: “Sale at Jujube’s Toys! Dolls, games, puzzles, and more! Ground floor by the fountain!”
NOONE: I could see that fountain in front of me! And on the other side, was… a bright green storefront, with bubbles floating out the entrance. 
[Dream!Noone walking over, doors hiss as they open. Different tinny music.]
NOONE: Shelves and- shelves of wonders lined the shop! The toys on the first shelf were very old, but… deeper shelves held the same toys I had back home, and deeper ones held exactly those I’d wish for, even Little Lotty Potty! But… these Lotties had black eyes, not blue. And their skin was… yellow, like autumn leaves. 
NOONE: The shop owner wasn’t present, so… I grabbed one and began playing on the carpet. 
[Dream!Noone humming Six’s Theme. Doll makes automated noises.]
NOONE: But, it didn’t take long for me to grow… bored. That was the first time I… I felt too old for dolls. 
OTTO: (distant-sounding) Maturity is natural as you approach adolescence. The brain loses interest in things once held dear. 
NOONE: The idea of growing up made me sad. And as if reacting… Lotty’s dress became wet. The doll was doing as its name said, but… [doll chattering] the liquid was- dark and thick. I put her down to find something else. But the choices were almost too many! Towering shelves extending deep in- the gloom of the impossibly long shop!
NOONE: I settled on the games section, but, most were meant for two. Suddenly, a staticky whisper said,
Voice, overlapping with NOONE: “I’ll play with you.”
NOONE: I-I thought it was the shopkeeper, but… nobody was around. My eyes fell upon a jewelry-making kit, with a red necklace on the cover. I took the box back to where I left Lotty, only… she was gone. The shelf above, where the other dolls had been, was completely empty too. I wanted to make the jewelry, I really did, but… I felt weird, so… I put it down. Then, the PA crackled, a woman’s voice this time:
Voice, ov. NOONE: “Jujube’s Toys is now closing.”
NOONE: [Lights clicking off] The lights shut off, bubbles stopped… and, the last thing I saw before exiting… [toy train noises] was the train set crashing to a stop. [quiet fake bell ringing, toy engine stops] 
[Dream!Noone walking out of the store]
NOONE: The promenade was empty, still. Each step [steps become echoey] echoed across the walls and floors, which were- pearl white, and had patterns like… veins. 
[steps and music continues]
NOONE: I came to three sets of stairs, side-by-side, leading to the next floor. I chose one, and, reaching to the top, I saw another open shop. Mademoiselle’s… (saying it wrong) bijottery. 
OTTO: (still distant) Bijouterie. But, regardless- you could read this?
NOONE: Yes. The letters were quite big. 
OTTO: …Have you been able to read in your dreams before?
NOONE: I’m not sure. That’s not a question I would ask myself, though, Otto. 
OTTO: Apologies. 
NOONE, Narrating: The glass case in the center of the room… pulled me in. Full of… gold, and silver necklaces. Hanging in the middle, was… an enchanting red pendant. And before you ask, yes, it was just like on the box at the toy store. T-The PA came on again,
Voice, ov. with NOONE: “A free gift to all little girls 10 and under!”
NOONE: Without asking, I put the necklace on, glowing, like a ruby teardrop. With my gift, I set to leave, but… someone must’ve left the speaker on because… I heard arguing. 
NOONE: (overlapping) “Don’t overdo it!” Said a first voice, followed by a second, (overlapping) “One more prize can’t hurt!”
[something being set down, wheels across tile, whoosh]
NOONE: From the back room, a rack of dresses rolled out. All, exactly my size.
[Dream!Noone looking through the dresses]
NOONE: It’d been ages since I’d been allowed to pick out my own dress. The telly people chose them for me. These ones were very pretty, with lace and, and bows and stitching but, one… it… it was the plaid dress I wore the day I arrived at the Coppy. How could my dress be here? [lowering pitch of voice, asking questions to herself] Your real life doesn’t have to mix into your dreams Noone, why now? 
OTTO, interrupting narration: (astonished) Pardon?
NOONE: (giggling) I’m asking myself questions. Well, the only explanation is that they could see inside my head.
OTTO: I’m not sure that’s logical.
NOONE: Let me finish! Please. You’ll see.
NOONE, narrating: Back out on the promenade, the shop gates began to slam shut. [Gates slamming] I was worried the mall was closing, but on the floor above, a set of spinning bright lights came on [Lights turn on]. The music stopped and, the PA crackled with a sing-songy voice, 
Voice, ov. with NOONE: [music] “Showtime’s patrons! Our daily motion picture will begin shortly. Hot popcorn’s popping and the seats await in the playhouse!” 
NOONE: [Lights shutting off] The rest of the mall went dark, making the lights more enticing to follow. 
[Dream!Noone walks across the mall]
NOONE: The lobby was- red from floor to ceiling. Buckets of popcorn overflowed on the concession stand. I grabbed one, and hurried to push open the huge golden doors leading into the theater.  
[Running steps, doors creak. Slightly off organ music plays.] 
NOONE: The velvet seats went for rows and rows, full of people. A spotlight hit the stage, illuminating an organ, but… there was no organ player. Only tall curtains swaying in some breeze. I tiptoed down the aisle, and sat centered with the screen. The chair seemed to hug me, and the room fell dark [crunching] as the first buttery bit hit my tongue. 
[Music stops playing, sounds of projector booting up]
NOONE: Without adverts or introduction, the film began. Images of… trees on fire and… white hooves galloping. I recognized the picture instantly because I’ve seen it a hundred times. “The Healing Horn”. [Movie plays] Only the scenes were out of order, and the unicorn… her horn was misshapen, like… a rotten tree branch. The evil prince’s face, too, was… was wrong. 
NOONE: Feeling out of place I – I looked around. The audience, I… I realized, was not people but… mannequins. 
NOONE: All of a sudden, a familiar scent entered the dream. Ocean. I was no longer alone. The dusty projector light made it difficult to suss, but a few seats over… was the Candleman. His eyes and mouth were… deep black pits inside a mess like a wet gunny sack, sagging down the floor. Without turning, he spoke. 
[Growing noise stops]
OTTO, interrupting abruptly: He – what?! [Shifting] What did he say? 
NOONE: [Sighing] It was like a – a voice underwater. The words could hardly escape the folds of skin. He repeated them to me. 
NOONE as the FERRYMAN, glitching: “The faraway drifts near. Tread long, then sink deep. Two flows from one, and here, is whole again.”
OTTO: And then? [shifting in the chair] What else? 
NOONE, as the FERRYMAN: “Here. Here. Here.”
NOONE: He just repeated over and over.
OTTO: There must be more! Try, try! Interact with the dream!
NOONE: There was no more!
OTTO: (raising his voice) Ask who he is, ask what he wants!
NOONE: (raising her voice) It doesn’t work that way!
OTTO: You were right there! Don’t tell me you did nothing?! Not a damn thing!
NOONE: Stop!
OTTO: [farther away] I’m beginning to doubt you’ve seen this Candleman! [Noone struggling] Perhaps you’ve invented the whole story! 
NOONE: Please, stop- my head!
[Otto hisses (gets hit?), sounds of something being knocked over, Noone runs out of the room.] 
[Otto huffs and stops the tape]
[Click. Blank noise. Another click]
[Various shifting noises. Silence. Door opens and someone walks, then closes it]
OTTO: [far away, stern] What are you doing? With the mirror. [Steps] You’re up to something, but we’ll let it slide. I know girls like you. 
[Shifting]
OTTO: You’re upset with me, aren’t you? [plastic clacking] Here. A pill for your headache. (Sigh) Earlier, that was… awfully…[Otto sits] that- that was not how friends act. Sleep has evaded me too. I’ve grown worried, trying to… please, forgive me. I’d very much like to hear the rest. I won’t interrupt, you have my word. 
[Silence.]
NOONE: … Fine. 
OTTO: So… you were in this theater with him. 
NOONE, narrating: … All kinds of pictured* flashed on the screen, and then he was gone, leaving me alone again. Or so I thought. The projector flickered in the booth. I dashed up, and found the door ajar. A new voice came over the PA, angry. “No patrons in the projection room!” The door was stuck, but I pushed and pushed. The PA boomed, 
VOICE, ov. with NOONE: “You must not enter!”
[Crashing, door opens]
NOONE: The projector I saw first was shaped like… a deformed eye. Then, my attention fell to… the mass on the floor. [Slimy sound] A brain? A heart? …No. It’s muscles pumped and pumped, and its tubes ran into the walls. The voice came, both from inside the room and over the PA: 
VOICE, ov. with NOONE: “Happy day, No One.”
NOONE: It… it knew my real nickname. The ones kids at school scribbled all over my books. How? Because it was in my head. …I asked, “You’re the one who’s been talking? All those voices?”. Then, I saw countless film cans around the room, and understood. It was so alone, it took to imitating. Then it said, 
VOICE, ov. with NOONE: “Are you going to leave? Like all the others?”
NOONE: I managed a… “Yes”. The thing began pulsing and, upset, it sort of cried out. 
VOICE, ov. with NOONE: “So many, they take what they want and go, or get snatched away or worse!” 
NOONE: It paused, then went on, 
VOICE, ov. with NOONE: “Whatever you desire, it’s yours.”
NOONE: … But I didn’t want anything from it. The PA belted, 
VOICE, ov. with NOONE: “The pendant! You wanted that!”
NOONE: The pulsing worsened until another voice came within the first,
VOICE 2, ov. with NOONE: “You’ve driven another away!” [Not overlapping, repeating: “You’ve driven another away!]
NOONE: I felt bad for it. Or them… this place had been warped by pain, and wanted so badly to keep me. Even the walls began throbbing. What could I do?!
[Noise intensifies, Dream!Noone breathes heavily] 
NOONE: I – I ran. Down the stairs, out of the theater. 
[Dream!Noone runs away]
NOONE: On the promenade, the lights were flashing so as to be dizzying. The PA screeched, 
VOICE, ov. with NOONE: “Everyone needs someone! Don’t leave me alone!”
NOONE: The walls began to cry that dark thick liquid, pooling around me, I looked up. From the floor above, the Candleman stared, pointing at my chest. At the pendant. I flung it down into the liquid, then he reached a hand toward me and – 
[All noise stops]
NOONE: And all faded, as the PA sobbed,
VOICE, ov. with NOONE: “Don’t take her! Not this one, too…” 
[Narration stops. Silence. Shifting]
OTTO: T-There was um… uh, e-excuse me, a curious phrase. “Warped by pain”. Is that how you feel, sometimes? 
[Silence]
OTTO: Noone? Are you still angry with me? Or… distracted by the mirror? 
NOONE: Behind my ear…  there’s… a sore. 
OTTO: Is that why you wanted the mirror all along?
NOONE: [Hum] It’s like the ones I used to get. I need to see it. 
[Shifting]
OTTO: Nothing’s there. It’s red because you’ve been picking at it. 
NOONE: …I have one more question for myself. Why do I have these dreams? Water sickness, that’s my answer. 
OTTO: Noone. It’s wiped out of your system. There have been no known reinfections. It’s in your mind. 
NOONE: (with increasing distress) What if the cure is the cause? I never had nightmares or headaches before all of this, before going on telly, before – before this! –
OTTO, interrupting: (whispering) No, no, come, come, come, come here, my girl. [Shifting, Otto hugs Noone] You’re not sick. You’re perfectly fine. You’re a perfectly wonderful little girl. This time I will protect you. 
[The mirror falls on the ground and breaks]
NOONE: I’m sorry! I’m sorry, uh, you were squeezing so tight and… it slipped. 
[The mirror shards are picked up. Otto throws them away] 
OTTO: You asked why you dream. The truth? Nobody knows. My studies always assumed they were more than the brain’s way of filtering unconscious thoughts. But I had no answer either. An old professor of mine thought he did. He believed dreams come from an ever shifting plane, a quiddity of consciousness. 
NOONE: Quidd-i-ty…
OTTO: Quiddity. The essence of a thing. In this case, a semiatangible plane outside the mind. 
NOONE: Is it the same as mutual dreams? I don’t understand.
OTTO: My colleagues didn’t either. I’ve flip-flopped over the years, but I figured it was impossible to prove.
NOONE: Will I ever get rid of them, then? Will I ever leave the Coppy?
OTTO: You must understand, you are a unique case. I want to let you go, as soon as – 
NOONE, interrupting: I’m better?
OTTO: (sighing) Yes. As soon as you’re better. [Otto stands, picks something up] Now – 
NOONE: I know, I know. (Lower pitch, mimicking Otto) “Sweets for my sweet”. …Do I have to go back to my room?
[Sounds of plates] 
OTTO: I’ve- got to tidy, [wrappers] and, you reminded me there’s something I need to find. On you go. I’ll come by later. 
[Shift, audio cuts]
[Audio starts]
[Otto looks through papers, and sighs] 
OTTO: Ah, I found it. The paper that stained my professor’s career. Kept it all these years, hoping and dreading there was truth in these words… 
OTTO, reading: “We know now that there is no center to the universe. Previously we thought it was the Sun, before that we thought it was the Earth. Our species always insists that ours is the quintessence of experience. Yet scientific observation proves our folly ad nauseum. If geocentrism took centuries to disprove, the question is not if but when the same will happen to reality itself. That which we are equipped to perceive may not be the only world. Let alone the predominant one.” 
[Click]
[Outro plays]
------------
*This is what she actually says. I have no idea why.
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lightning-etc-lord · 3 months ago
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“and what would you, of all people, know about being good for me?!”
ren --> jing yuan
Ren is right, of course. Jing Yuan has no right to tell him what to do, what is safer, and most importantly, what is good for him. What Jing Yuan can do is only hope to be seen, to be chosen. It seems like just as the many other times, this one, too, isn’t going to be that moment.
Defeated, Jing Yuan sighs. “I know.” What else could he say? Ren is right. There’s nothing he can do to change what they have now, because Yuan himself chose to sever their connection when he chose the military career instead of going after revenge just like Ren did. This is something that Ren will never forgive him for. “I had only… hoped that maybe you’d see something good in me.” Enough to chose me, enough to stay. The white haired shakes his head, a saddened smile on his face. “But you don’t see anything besides revenge in your front, do you? This is the only thing you really acknowledge, the only thing moving you forward.”
They have played this game before. Jing Yuan finds him. Brings him home. Wakes up to an empty bed. Ren runs from him for the next couple of months, or for one or two years. He’s still the one to invite Ren over when they met by chance. Sometimes Jing Yuan doesn’t want to face himself in the mirror, afraid of what he will see: a stupid clown seeking something that never belonged to him. “I’m sorry for assuming.”
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uu-tella · 5 months ago
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From chapter 210, full panel under the cut
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comma-souptra · 5 months ago
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Last summer I studied abroad and shared a house with (among many people) a trans masc guy who had top surgery. I was very freshly on T and just starting to explore how much transition I really wanted to undergo while still being very scared of Change and how much of it transitioning would bring me. I felt like I had to be absolutely sure I wanted any of the elements of transition I chose to undergo because so much of my (US) medical system around trans health care does not leave room for you to be uncertain, you often have to fight desperately to be taken seriously in your transition.
I was on a walk with this guy and some friends, and we were talking about tattoos we wanted. I mentioned a sternum tattoo idea I had, and he asked me flat out “do you want top surgery?”. I said “oh my god, who knows, why would you ask me that?” in all my transgender panic and fear, and he just kind of laughed and said “I was only gonna say, they worked around my sternum tattoo when I got mine. So you should be fine if you get that one.”
I asked him “how did you know you wanted top surgery?” as we walked together. To my very deep shock, he said he wasn’t sure, he had just decided to make the necessary appointments and go. If it ever felt wrong or like he wasn’t ready, he would just stop. The obvious caveat here is that we are from two different countries with very different health care systems, but the fact that he had started this (to me) daunting process without complete assuredness and had made it out the other end happier and beautiful was mind altering to me.
Later in our trip, me offered to show me his chest and the results of his surgery. I stood in my room and he stood in the door way, back to the hall as our housemates walked by, and lifted his shirt to me, grinning. I said “you kept your nipples!” and he laughed. It was clear the rest of our house (functionally, all cisgender) were a bit confused by what was going on. I hadn’t necessarily been as vocally and openly trans as him, but it was clearly something transgender.
All this to say, I have an appointment scheduled for my top surgery consultation in November. I’ve upped my T dosage twice over the past year. I’ve been binding since I was twelve and have craved masculinization since puberty, of course I wanted top surgery! I’ve been thinking a lot this pride month about the phrase “don’t die wondering” and how hard it is to follow when you don’t see grown queer people that reflect who you could be. This guy was only four years older than me, but he was living this adult life I hoped to live and doing so in a body he created just by trying out what felt right and seeing if it stuck.
So I’m going to the top surgery consult, and I got on full dose T instead of hiding behind low dose. And I’m changing my name and figuring out what sounds right because I don’t want to die wondering! And it’s my one silly little life in this body as this person, and I’ve seen that it can be done. So thank you to my housemate, and I am very much looking forward to being even more transgender next pride month <3
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shakalakaaa · 1 year ago
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My 2nd favourite trio 🧡
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frigidlyauthorial · 1 month ago
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fascinating okay so i'm watching season 17 of dancing with the stars and it's like. you can literally tell that derek was taking a very deliberate gamble between relying on points from the judges vs doing what would be most impressive for the audience.
In Week 3 for Most Memorable Year, Amber and Derek danced a foxtrot. It was an absolutely gorgeous dance, because with those two there is no way it could not be, but the routine departed from foxtrot standards (namely, the amount of time spent in hold).
The scores they got were extremely across the board (9, 7, 10), but I'm so curious about how derek offhandedly mentioned that he'd prepared Amber for Len to rip into them for the choreography. Both of them seemed shocked that Len went so far as to give it a 7 (their lowest score on the show thus far), but it is very telling that derek knew that his choreo was pushing the envelope far beyond what would be allowed, and decided to go down that path anyway because he knew that it would be shortsighted to focus on appeasing one judge when he could instead be using that dance as a way to build up his partner in the eyes of the audience.
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angelnumber27 · 8 months ago
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looking back i have healed and improved emotionally and just overall SOOOOOO much in the past couple years
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wheucto · 4 months ago
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no.1 fan au > test tube two about to be absolutely silly
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aceinthefreakinspace · 1 month ago
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my roommates have been talking about doing a hear me out cake for weeks now and the ace relief I felt when I found out they were planning on having people over and doing it while I'm at the football game tomorrow (I'm in the marching band) so I don't have to explain I don't even find conventionally attractive people hot, let alone have unhinged options, was insane
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voiceofsword · 2 years ago
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Speaking of Shiina parents, do you think they'd have another kid? Like they come home one day and now Niki's a big bro
ill admit its not something ive thought about, ill say no because the thought of them having their own little family while they left niki alone depresses me shskdhsksg
it also reminds me of a character from like fire force i think where a kids parents go into debt so they make up that they’re going off to save the world and ditch their son….but then it turns out they were just in hiding and had like 3 other kids while this character thought they were off fighting evil and idolized them for it AND IDK IT JUST MAKES ME SAD? L
niki would probably laugh it off and be an amazing big brother but man it’s one of those moments where hes probably thinking oh i was a bother so that’s why they left me and had another son… :(
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