#I won't accept any other outcome

[holyblanchett]

Someone please tell me Alice and Jen's ship name 🙏🏿

[thegoldencontracts]

What Do You Want?

Summary: You try to approach Azul with an offer. His response is- odd, to say the least.

Notes: My heart wants fluff to make up for the angst yesterday... im sorry T_T

The moment you'd first seen Azul, you thought he was pretty. Then, you started noticing other little cool things about him. And before you knew it, you had a crush.

"You're- so stupid!" Ace said with a laugh. "You actually think Azul Ashengrotto would ever like anyone? Best outcome is, he tries to scam you but you barely manage to win."

"I've got a point-card!" You said cheerily. "And I've made a rough outline of what I want my contract to look like."

The 'outline' was only one sentence, but Ace didn't need to know that.

At that moment, though, Ace's eyes widened.

"You're actually gonna do it?" He said, the grin fading from his face.

"Yeah," you said. You were going to try and make a contract with him, see what happened. Maybe it wouldn't work out. But hey, you'd never know if you didn't try!

Besides, you had a plan. And that plan was what brought you to the VIP room, a golden point card in hand.

"Ah, what a pleasant surprise it is to see you here!" Azul said with a salesman's grin that somehow still looked cute. "I was under the impression you couldn't afford point-cards."

You laughed.

"It's lovely what happens when you make people compensate you for your labor," you said. And it was true. Telling people you'd do something for a free meal at the Lounge got you point cards and food witthout any complaints. For some reason, people were more willing to do that than give you the money straight-up, even if the expensive meals usually meant they'd have to pay more. Whatever.

"Oh," Azul said, before quickly changing the topic. "So what exactly is your desire?"

You smirked.

"Azul," you said. "Considering the ranking of the Golden card, that means you have to accept any contract I propose, so long as it doesn't pose direct harm to your mental or physical wellbeing in some way, shape, or form, correct?"

Azul's brows furrowed in confusion.

"Correct, however, you're forgetting-"

"The impact limit, yes," you said. "If the wish in question requires maiming, killing, or mentally scarring any individual, whether or not you agree to grant it becomes a decision entirely at your discretion."

At this point, Azul was looking at you like you'd grown two heads.

"Your point is...?" He asked.

"I won't have to make any other payment for my wish then, correct?" You said. You knew how these exchanges worked, and you did not want to get scammed.

Azul bit his lip.

"Fine, fine, you 'win', I suppose. Just- tell me what exactly it is you desire," he said.

You smiled, handing him a piece of paper with the draft of your contract on it. Azul's eyes widened in shock at its contents.

'Be my friend!' it said.

"Sooooo, what do you think?" You asked.

Azul shot you a glare. Harsh.

"What do you want?"

"I already told you- well, wrote to you, I guess, but-"

"No," Azul said, voice dangerously level. "What do you truly want?"

"Be my friend!" You said, flashing him a thumbs up. But Azul was still angry. Did he just hate you or something?

"I don't appreciate such juvenile attempts at mockery," he said. "If you have no true wish to make, then I shall have you escorted out."

You sighed. Seriously, this was getting annoying. Did he want to avoid you that badly?

"Look," you said. "I already laid it all out - you should try being my friend! And if you don't like it, then you stop! Simple as that, right?"

Azul scoffed.

"That's preposterous," he said. "No one would ever want such a thing-"

"Well, I want it," you said, before sighing. "Look, is it really that big of a deal?"

At that, Azul seemed to malfunction, like he couldn't possibly comprehend what you were saying. That was weird. Why wasn't he happy? Wasn't he going to try and scam you or something?

At long last, Azul shook away the red dusting his cheeks, handing you a pamphlet.

"Take this for now," he said. It was a study guide for Alchemy. "And keep the point card. I'll continue my inquiry tomorrow during lunch, so prepare yourself. Now then, leave."

"Great! See you tomorrow lunch then, Azul."

You took the study guide and headed for the exit. The study guide was pretty good, actually. And there was that little chibi doodle with hearts around it - you didn't know where it came from, but it kind of reminded you of yourself!

So, hey, it seemed like things were going pretty well.

Meanwhile, Azul was in a panic.

"The Prefect's caught on, I'm certain of it!" He said to Floyd and Jade, furiously flipping through his book of contingency plans for any type of social situation gone wrong. "Why else would such an odd request be made of me?"

Floyd rolled his eyes.

"Cause Shrimpy wanted to be your friend?" He said.

"No one would ever desire such a thing!" Azul said. "The Prefect's found out about that foolish little crush of mine, and decided to make a fool out of me. There's no other explanation!"

It was a sensible explanation, wasn't it? Common, too. It had happened to Azul all the time back then. He simply had to make sure he didn't slip, that he established consequences for all those who attempted to mess with him now.

His thoughts were cut off by the sound of Jade's laughter.

"What seems to be the matter, Jade? Do enlighten me," Azul asked dryly.

"You made an error in your panicked frenzy with the Prefect, that's all," Jade said. "The study guide you gave was the one with the doodles."

Azul felt his mouth go dry.

"W-What?"

"The one filled with countless doodles of your little crush, surrounded by hearts."

O-Of all the study guides, why that one?

Seven, how he wished to crawl into an octopus pot right now. But for now, all he could settle for was burying his face in his hands, left alone with his thoughts as he tuned Jade and Floyd out entirely.

He hadn't believed it, but- what if you were being sincere? What if you truly did want to grow closer to him? Yes, it was true that such a thing had never occurred in the past, meaning an analysis of past trends would seem such a thing impossible, and this sort of trick had been played on him countless times before but-

You seemed oddly sincere about it. And, frankly, he wanted you to be.

Azul couldn't help but sigh. Though it would likely cause him problems later, for now, he couldn't help but let himself hope.

[zh-lele]

12-7 ROOM (part two)

Surviving a week to Donghyuck's charms and jokes can't be so hard... Worst case scenario, you end up completely falling for your brother's best friend.

▪︎Pairing: brother's best friend!Hyuck x fem reader

▪︎Genres: poor attempt at rom com, fluff

▪︎Warnings: alcohol consumption, profanity, suggestive jokes, kissing, and some very light suggestive scenes.

▪︎Word count (part 2): 7721 words

playlist | extra content: mc's IG stories

Author's note: hi everyone :') sorry for being so absent and never posting the final part to 12-7 room. But hey, I finally got the motivation to do it. I've been also writing other things but I don't know when I'll finsih them or post them. Anyways, if you want to take a look, the other things I'm always working on are listed on my wips page. Once again, sorry for taking too long to post this and I hope someone can enjoy it anyway. Thank you so much for the love on part 1! Seriously, thank you. This isn't proof read so tell me if you find any mistakes, please and thank you. Enjoy!

Saturday, 08:37 p.m.

"I feel like we're betraying Mark."

"Why?"

"We're having a sleepover without him," you explain to Donghyuck while you extend your left hand to him, and he places his right hand over your palm, so you can continue painting his nails with a black polish. "You know, we're listening to Bruno Mars, eating watermelon–"

"Aren't we supposed to eat watermelon in the summer?" Donghyuck interrupts you to ask.

"Real watermelon enjoyers eat watermelon no matter what time of the year it is–Hyuck!" you scream after he makes a sudden move to grab a piece of fruit from the bowl and half his index finger ends up covered in black nail polish. "Stop moving your hand!"

"I'm sorry!"

He apologizes and stays still in front of your body, legs crossed and knees touching yours. Donghyuck is so close you can feel his breath in your hair, and even though you know it's impossible for him to hear your heart-rate increasing exponentially, you fear the closeness and the intimacy may give you away. Honestly, by this time you thought you might have figured it out: you had to either rethink your relationship and conclude that you were only going to be friends forever, or accept your feelings and confess to him, no matter what the outcome could be.

But you find yourself finishing Donghyuck's nails and looking up to him, who was–as more often as you thought–already looking at you. He smiles to you sweetly, no teeth on sight, and he looks ridiculous. Donghyuck is wearing a sheet mask with the form of a peach, yet you still find the sight in front of you incredibly endearing. The worst part about it is that you're looking as ridiculous as him, with the lemon-shaped sheet mask covering your face. You feel his thumb gently caress the back of your hand that he was still holding even long after you've finished. And as his soft features are illuminated by the warm dim lights of the lamp and the TV, as he holds your hand and looks at you as if you might be the prettiest lemon he has seen, you get that feeling again.

The comfort, the domesticity. The urge to be his companion, to share moments like this and many more. Every day.

Your phone buzzes as you set an alarm to take the masks off twenty minutes ago.

Donghyuck lets your hand go. He lets go of your heart too—but only for a second. He cradles your face, his soft fingertips pet your jaw, then your cheeks, and you can't hold his gaze anymore. You want to look down, drop your head before you start word-vomiting everything you're feeling and you've been feeling for him since the moment you met, since that first time he cooked ramen for you and you decided you wanted it to be your comfort food forever.

Donghyuck won't let you look down, though. He applies pressure with his fingers in the place where your neck and your jaw meet and with his thumbs on your cheeks. Your lips naturally pout under the pressure and you see it. Donghyuck. Your best friend. The guy you've liked forever now, looking at your lips for what you think it's been like the fourth time this weekend. And it's only been hours since the weekend started.

Is it really going to happen? Are you about to kiss Donghyuck right now? On the living room's couch on a saturday night in, under the dim lights, while Silk Sonic's Love's Train plays in the background and you're wearing fruit-shaped sheet masks?

It is fucking romantic.

Yet it never comes.

It doesn't happen.

Donghyuck just says: "It's time to take the masks off."

And you agree because, well, what the hell are you supposed to do? Just throw yourself all over him like you, maybe, have been imagining? Donghyuck takes your mask off your skin and you take his, that leaves his face looking the softest and smelling like sweet peaches. That definitely doesn't help your situation.

You're incredibly frustrated. Upset, even, like a kid who got denied his candy. (You wish Donghyuck was your candy.) You hate this sleepover now and even wish Mark was here to cock-block the entire situation. That would be less upsetting.

"And?" He asks once both of you have your masks off. "Do I look cuter now?"

Oh, so he's aware he's already incredibly cute.

You can't contain a smile. He's only centimeters away from you after he quickly moves back to look for his glasses. You feel the need to poke his cheeks that look as soft as marshmallows and smell like fucking peaches. Actually, you might feel the need to eat him.

But you don't dare say anything. Only trying to hide your smile looking down, as your face grows red, you let Donghyuck think of his own conclusions after your reaction.

Thing is, you're kind of a coward.

Donghyuck says it's time to netflix and chill, and you laugh because the statement is followed by a "Literally. Don't start thinking about something dirty."

He places himself on the mattress on the floor (the one you've been sleeping since you arrived), a bunch of pillows supporting his back, and makes room for you. He's cheeky enough to pat his stomach to tell you to lie there, between his legs and over his body. Just like that, as if you hadn't been melting before just by holding his hand in yours or having your knees touch. And now he wants you to lie on his stomach?

Are you really that close? If so, why isn't he your boyfriend yet?

You open your eyes wider and point a finger at yourself. "Me. Me?" Your voice comes out full of disbelief.

"Not you. Mark," he says with a roll of his eyes. "Of course it's you! Unless you don't want to lay together?"

"I mean…"

How do you make it sound not so desperate, not too obvious?

You just shrug and say, "Yeah, sure."

Aced it.

Donghyuck's body feels like the softest mattress you've ever laid on, like you could close your eyes and sleep trapped in his limbs forever. And because of the closeness, you can sense the vibrations of his voice traveling from his torso to your ears. His tone is quiet and gentle, talking about what to watch to no one in particular because, even though he's talking to you, you're too concentrated on opening your camera and capturing the moment in a video of the two of you.

"Look how cute," you say, moving your arm to his eye level to show him the video. "You talk in pout when you're really concentrated."

When you're conscious of the surroundings once again, you're sure you've replayed the video with a smile on your face like ten times.

"You should upload that."

"I've posted enough about you," you reply to his suggestion, going back and saving the video to your drafts. "People are gonna think you're my boyfriend or whatever…"

"Would that be so bad?" Donghyuck questions with his eyes fixed on the TV screen. When you move your head back to look up at him, he dares to connect eyes with you. "People thinking I'm your boyfriend?"

Sunday, 12:02 p.m.

Donghyuck had always been clingy.

Yet you didn't know he could be this clingy in the mornings.

Mark has been trying to get Donghyuck out of bed for like ten minutes now, but he won't get up. While your brother is pulling his arm out, Donghyuck pulls Mark's arm in, asking him to join him and sleep 'just a little more'.

Yes, your brother found you both sleeping on the mattress in the living room. No, you and Donghyuck were not clinging to each other (sadly). But Hyuck was for sure clinging to your brother now.

"Mark!" He protests in a sleepy tone. "What do you want if you won't come in?"

"We were supposed to have brunch together," your brother tells Donghyuck again, yet he must be too sleepy to process what's happening.

"I won't go." Donghyuck states and doesn't even open his eyes again. The living room is clear enough, as the winter sun has been hitting for hours now. But it isn't an impediment for him to curl up under the blankets like a burrito and go back to sleep.

Mark drops his shoulders and allows himself to sigh, finally defeated by his heavy-sleeper best friend. "I guess it's just you and me, y/n."

—

Fortunately for you, the weather has been amazing since you arrived in the city where your brother lives. Saturday was no different, with a clear blue sky above your heads despite it being winter, and the sun shining just the right amount to touch your skin and leave it warm. A little breeze messes with you and your brother's freshly dyed hair as you sit outside a coffee shop, brunch almost all devoured on the table. Mark hums to a familiar jazzy tune that plays all the way from inside the café.

And the atmosphere is beautifully calm. But you need to get something out of your chest. For once.

"So," you start and Mark moves eyes from his food to set them on you, expectant of your next words with a mouth full of pancakes and fruit. "I think I like Donghyuck."

Mark starts coughing after hearing you, and you wonder if it is because of the shock of your confession or because he really is that careless to get the food stuck in his throat.

"Yeah, I knew," he confirms once it's clear for him to speak again.

"The fuck you mean 'you knew'?"

"I mean, honestly, it's pretty obvious." Your brother can't hide a smile. He drops the fork to properly talk to you this time. "Like, you've always had some kind of thing… I don't know, I thought I had a special connection with Hyuck," he says pointing at himself, eyes wide with what could look like a little bit of shock. "But you two… You two are something else."

"Oh God," you cover your face in embarrassment even though after your brother's words there's no point in hiding anything anymore. "So you've been watching me acting like a fool in love around Donghyuck all this time, and you said nothing."

"I didn't say anything 'cuz I thought it had to come from you." He shrugs. "Wanted you to feel comfy enough to tell me, even though I had my suspicions, obviously."

"May I ask… Why," you hesitate a little before asking for a third-person perspective. "Why were you suspicious about it?"

"Dude, I don't know," a small laughter escapes him. "You just look like you'd be all over each other if you could."

You just groan in frustration hearing your brother saying you might have been way more obvious than you thought you were. Temperature rises to your cheeks coloring them a little red, and not because of the midday sun hitting right from above your head.

"And you can," Mark says, yet you don't get it, the tilting of your indicating he has to clarify. "Like, you can be all over each other. I don't know why nothing has happened between the two of you yet."

"'Cuz I don't know if he likes me?"

"How could you know if you don't try?"

Your gaze drops to your lap, and you realize you've been playing with the rings of your hands, taking them off and putting them on over and over, indicating the conversation is making you a little nervous.

Mark must notice, since he keeps talking. "Just tell him, dude. Best case scenario, he also likes you, you move out together and make me free from Donghyuck's ass."

The way he puts it makes you laugh, yet there's a slight weight to your eyes, as if tears could start falling down slowly at any time after holding your feelings in for so long. So you take a deep breath, blink a few times and look at the sun.

The sun, shining in its maximum splendor in the middle of the sky. And you wonder what he's doing right now. Donghyuck, or Haechan, as his mother used to call him when he was little. Full Sun, because he's always so bright and energetic, like a happy virus (Mark would also call him a pain in the ass, but you see, it depends on who you ask.)

"Worst case scenario, you remain as good friends," Mark continues. "C'mon, you know him, he's not a dick. You just gotta try talking to him."

You gulp and nod at him, now trying to make eye contact with a subtle smile on your face. Another deep breath. "You're right. Donghyuck won't hurt me, no matter what the outcome is."

Monday, 01:43 a.m.

On Mark's phone...

Meanwhile at the livingroom...

"Hyuck–wait. Can't we go slower?!"

"Look at that!" Donghyuck screams pointing at the TV screen, after taking the airpod off his right ear. You do the same with the one you were using, and the music from the game stops playing in your head. "I got a perfect score!" And he continues to do a silly victory dance, moving his hips from side to side with his arms in the air.

You really don't want to be mad at Donghyuck right now.

"This is so unfair," you tell him, stepping out of the frame and leaving the remote on top of the game console. "You didn't tell me you were this good. And you know I can't dance at all."

"You're right," Donghyuck says sincerely, a hand on his chest, right in front of his heart and all. "I didn't tell you I'm a dancing god and took advantage of your poor dancing skills to win the Just Dance."

You really don't want to get mad at him, but sometimes he makes it pretty much impossible.

"You." A hand comes in contact with Donghyuck's arm. Your hand. "Dirty." Another slap. "Bastard." And another one. "I hate you so much!"

"Hey!" He protests rubbing his arm after you slapped it. "Lying is a sin."

"I'm not lying," you say. "I hate you. You put on the fastest choreo to follow."

Donghyuck follows you around to the kitchen and watches your every move. He's right behind you, his eyes following your motions when you fill a glass with water, when you gulp it down, when you clean it and leave it back on the counter. He's hot on your heels when you come back to the common area and take the inflatable mattress out to get ready to sleep. He's still following your moves carefully when you put on the sheets and when you lay on it with the remote of the TV in hand. He only takes his eyes off your body when the Netflix logo appears on the screen and he notices you're about to watch the show you two started together.

You know he's dying for a word from you.

"You don't mean it," he says, now free of all mocking tones.

"I don't mean what?"

"You don't hate me."

You're pretty sure Donghyuck doesn't need you to confirm that you weren't serious. Naturally, he has always shown himself as a very self-assured and friendly person; It's not normal that people don't like Donghyuck. However, when you meet his eyes, wide and expectant of your response, and perhaps wet with a little insecurity, you understand that things are not always what they seem.

"How could I ever hate you, Hyuck?" you tell him to extend a hand in his direction, inviting him to lay on your side on the mattress. 

Relief takes over his expression, and a wide smile is plastered on his face. He's quick to get comfortable (maybe too comfortable, not that you really mind) laying his head on your lap, and moving your left hand to his hair that looks like it's got longer over the days. You know he wants you to play with it—Donghyuck loves getting his hair played with. The fourth episode of My First First Love starts playing on the TV screen, and you hear Donghyuck sigh contentedly.

The subtle strokes at the hair on his nape get Donghyuck smiling again and exhaling deeper at your tranquil touch. And, not to be biased, but the colored lights coming from the TV highlight the softest, most beautiful face features you've seen in your life. In an act of courage, you move your fingertips from his hair, to his sharp jaw, to his cheekbones, gently caressing the warm skin.

Donghyuck moves his head on your lap until he's no longer watching TV. Neither are you. You're just staring at each other in silence. He's letting you stroke every part of skin until  the tip of your fingers make it to his lips. His plump pink lips that have been tempting you more and more the past days. And he places a kiss there. On the tip of your fingers.

You freeze and grow red. Then he places another kiss, and another, making it three the times you've felt Donghyuck's lips on your skin.

It may be driving you crazy.

He's careful with his movements, so careful it turns almost painful watching him. Donghyuck grabs your wrist and gets up to sit beside your spot on the mattress. Doesn't let go of your hand—instead,  he holds it tenderly, caresses the back of it with his thumb, then places another kiss there.

Four times you've felt Donghyuck's lips on your skin. Five. Six—he just placed a kiss on your palm. Wait, another on your wrist. That's seven kisses so far.

But it's not enough. Now you've felt his lips you want them everywhere, all the time. So when he gets your hand closer to keep kissing you there, you grab his face. Feel the skin there, of his jaw, of his neck, and it's really hot. You think you might even feel the rapid pace of his pulse when you press your fingers on his neck (but it could also be your own.) Lastly, you tangle your fingers in his hair that he has let grow during these weeks of winter break. You tug on it a little, just enough to let him know you want him close. Closer, please.

And Donghyuck sighs, more like he fucking moans.

You wonder if you should say something before moving forward. What about all the things you talked to Mark yesterday? Should you tell him about how you feel before kissing him? What does he want? And what would this be after you kiss?

The call of your name interrupts your torment of thoughts.

"Please," he begs in a whisper, eyes closed as your noses brush against each other. "I'll die if I don't kiss you right now."

A laugh comes out of you because he always has to be that exaggerated, but you decide to set all questions aside for a moment to just dive into him.

He starts off very gently, with his slightly parted lips pressing against yours. They are indeed as fleshy and soft as they look, and taste like a cherries lipbalm. Donghyuck repeatedly places small kisses on your lips until you open your mouth a little more, and he captures your lower lip, biting a bit there. It gets another little tug on his hair from you, a sigh of relief after tasting his mouth after years of longing, and everything becomes more needy.

Donghyuck grabs at both sides of your head to deepen the kiss, smashing lips together repeatedly and kissing you sloppily. When you allow him to, he pushes his tongue into your mouth and you push your body closer to his.

He grabs your wrist not neglecting your lips even a second, as if the both of you were magnetized, and places his palm on your waist inviting you to his lap. It makes you laugh out of nervousness, so Donghyuck opens his eyes to watch you straddle him and place yourself on top of him very carefully.

His touch travels from your waist to the sides of your torso, his right hand in a place that you're sure allows Donghyuck to feel your increased heart rate. Your hands cradle his neck, then tug at the hair of his nape as he observes you kind of mesmerized, inhaling deeply, smiling a little and wetting his lips before you're diving into each other once again.

You've lost count of the amount of times you've felt Donghyuck's sweet lips on you by now. But you're sure of one thing: you don't want it to be the last.

"In case you were still wondering," he breaks the kiss to talk to you. "I like you, kinda a lot."

His hair is slightly disheveled from all the pulling, his lips are shiny and swollen, and he looks a little agitated. In his incredibly dilated black pupils you can see the reflection of your smile.

"I also like you, Hyuck," you finally confess to him. "I like you like, a huge amount."

He lets out a sigh of relief, more like a scream, and you're quick to cover his mouth reminding him that your brother is supposed to be sleeping five meters away from you. Yet, you can't help but laugh at his reaction.

He presses your foreheads together as his hands caress your sides, from your knees, to your waist, and to your lower back. Both your thumbs stroke his cheeks gently before you move to place some smooches there, in each of Donghyuck's moles (that is all over his face.) You think of all the times you imagined doing exactly that and find it hard to believe there's a possibility you could have Donghyuck any time you want now.

You only have to talk it out and see how things could progress between the two of you in the future. In the meantime, you'll keep smooching the literal personification of the sun (that might be because he feels hot as fuck right now, or because his smile is bright as the sun, or maybe he could be both.)

(Still) Monday, 01:00 p.m.

Donghyuck has had his head over the clouds since last night. After a heavy make-out session with you and some cuddling, he went back to his shared bedroom to sleep at like four a.m., being the most quiet possible to not wake your brother up and maybe having him asking what the hell was Donghyuck doing with you in the living room until four in the morning. He can’t escape the knowing smile Mark gives him though, when he wakes up and sees Donghyuck already up and working at his desk.

Donghyuck pretends everything is normal, greeting Mark good morning as usual.

“Good morning, Melk.”

“You sound too happy,” Mark groans in response, still sitting on his bed only half awake.

Donghyuck checks the time on the corner of his computer; one p.m. during holidays is like eight a.m. to Mark. Your brother just sits there for a while and Donghyuck goes back to studying for amoment, until the silence of the room gets interrupted.

“Yo,” Mark calls to attract Donghyuck’s attention. “What you did last night was fucking nasty.”

“What–” Donghyuck tries asking, only to have Mark interrupting him.

“I heard you two going at it," he starts with a very serious expression that gets Donghyuck's blood completely drained from his face. What could've Mark possibly heard? "My sister was telling you to go slower and everything.'' Mark makes some gagging sounds to add to his point and Donghyuck grows as equally embarrassed and amused at your brother’s assumptions.

“You think we fucked?” Donghyuck asks in complete disbelief. An exaggerated nervous laugh follows the question. “With you in the house?” He points a finger at Mark.

“You didn’t?”

“Sorry to tell you what you heard was us playing Just Dance. The last choreo was too hard and y/n couldn’t follow it.”

Donghyuck watches his best friend rub the sleep off his eyes and get up from the bed while he denies with his head, looking kind of defeated. “You’re both the biggest losers I’ve ever known,” Mark says, referring to you and Donghyuck.

“Hey!” Donghyuck starts to defend himself, his eyes grow bigger as his brows go up, and the characteristic Donghyuck pout starts to show, like in every situation a discussion is involved. “It was fun! We had a good time, ask her.”

“Losers made for each other, I swear.” Mark emphasizes his point. “So you didn’t fuck.”

Donghyuck doesn't look up from his math notes to answer. There's no way in hell he's having this conversation looking at Mark in the face. “By now, I’m sure I might be a virgin again.”

“Dude, what the fuck,” Mark can’t contain a laugh, though. “That’s bad for your health. Get your dick wet already.”

“I’m just waiting for the right time with your sister.”

“Hey! You can’t joke like that anymore.” Donghyuck knows by Mark’s tone all the bickering has become dead-serious now. It has always been like this when it’s about you. First they joke a little about it, then Donghyuck reminds Mark how much he truly likes you, and lastly Mark tells Donghyuck to just confess to you already because he’s tired of hearing about it. “If you’re joking about my sister I’m gonna beat you up.” Mark reminds him.

“Sorry.” This time, Donghyuck is brave enough to face his best friend. It’s kind of hard for Donghyuck to believe it when Mark tells him he’s getting beated up, though, when Mark’s wearing the pajamas Johnny got him as a gift recently–some blue panty with a moose on the back that says ‘don’t moose with me’. “I’m not joking about her.”

“I know.” Mark covers the pajamas that distract his friend so much as he puts on his jeans. “You like each other so much it’s disgusting.”

Donghyuck can’t hide his smile after hearing that, and it reminds him of all the kisses you shared last night, which makes him grow red in the face. Nothing a little more bickering with your brother can’t hide.

“You’re sooo cruel to me, Markie.” Donghyuck tries to hug Mark before he’s leaving the room, but morning Mark has always been like a stray cat who doesn’t like affection (unless it comes from Yuta, which Donghyuck can’t comprehend very well but he supposes the japanese has something pretty magnetic.)

“Get off of me!”

“Only a lil’ kiss, pleaaase!”

They struggle at the door of the room and into the common area. Donghyuck with his lips millimeters from Mark's face while Mark tries with all his might to get away from Donghyuck, who can be like a tick. They're so caught up in their things neither of them has noticed you're there, observing the entire interaction.

“Why don’t you go and kiss y/n? I’m sure she’ll enjoy it,” you hear Mark say when he finally frees himself from Donghyuck.

It’s at this moment that you know you are hearing too much, so you clear your throat to let them know that you are there too. They both freeze after turning around and seeing you sitting at the kitchen island. Your brother Mark, the great opportunist and master at escaping from uncomfortable situations, greets you good morning and is off to work in a second, leaving you and Donghyuck alone in the apartment.

You watch Donghyuck get closer to where you’re sitting. He hasn’t changed from his sleeping shorts and the hoodie he was wearing last night–the same hoodie you pulled on as you kissed in the same mattress laying meters behind him. Yet you don’t know how to describe the sensation you’re feeling right now. After seeing the boy you like the most fighting your brother for a kiss, your stomach feels… weird? You know the kind of relationship they have–they’re best friends, they bicker and fight and make up all the time. They live based on Donghyuck love-bombing Mark and Mark denying the affection all the time. But they love each other in a brotherly way, it has always been like that.

It’s not like you expected Donghyuck to want to hug and kiss you and only you after what happened last night, but you kind of did expect it.

Were you jealous of Donghyuck’s best friend, your own brother Mark?

Donghyuck looks at you confused when you don't accept his hug right away. You stop his arms midway, and his eyes look defeated, full of worry. “Did something happen?”

You deny with your head. “I don’t know, that kind of felt weird,” you confess to him.

Donghyuck caresses your arms, feeling you relax from the defensive attitude from before, until he gets your hands together. “What felt weird?”

It’s ridiculous, you know it is and you’re embarrassed about what you’re about to say. Yet, you can’t help but:

“I think I got jealous,” you say and watch his brows furrowed together. “You know, when you were trying to kiss Mark…”

Donghyuck only bursts out laughing and hugs you tightly against his chest, leaving you no time to escape the sudden affection. He smells like fabric softener and feels comfortable like a pillow. And you hate that you love the way his laugh resonates through your entire body when he presses you to himself like that.

“You know I never want to kiss Mark seriously, right? That I only do it ‘cause I know he hates it,” he explains once he’s separated from you, still holding your hands in his and looking you in the eyes. “I don’t want to kiss anyone the way I want to kiss you.”

You look down hiding your smile, thinking he’s cute at first and processing his words then, which makes you laugh a little. Donghyuck realizes right away and starts to laugh too, leaving the seriousness behind.

“Was that too much?” He asks.

You nod in response. “But it’s good to know.”

“Good,” he says before planting a kiss on your cheek. He’s only millimeters away from your face when he speaks again. “No need to be jealous then.”

Donghyuck turns you around on the chair, so your back is pressing against the island and he can stand comfortably between your legs. He starts as he did last night, planting a kiss on your knuckles, then your wrist, but you don’t wanna waste any more time so you free yourself from his hands and start cradling his face. His lips look as tempting as always, maybe even more after you tasted them for the first time.

He notices your look so he gives you a lopsided, attractive smile that you desperately wanna rip off his face.

“How can you look this handsome in the morning?” You ask, admiring all his features.

“I mean, technically it’s past the morning.” he answers in a cocky tone.

“Shut up already.”

You don’t give him time to fight back as you’re sealing his lips with a kiss. It’s slow but deep, and his skin feels warm and soft under your fingertips, all the way from his sharp jaw to his cheekbones. When he bites your lip a little bit to get full access to your mouth, you worry about the breakfast you were having minutes ago, but Donghyuck doesn’t seem to mind:

“Mhmm,” he hums, breaking apart and licking his lips. “You taste like maple syrup.” And he steals another quick kiss from you.

“Yeah,” you say as you turn around to face the kitchen island again. “‘Cause you interrupted my breakfast.”

But despite you showing your back to him and trying to finish your food, Donghyuck won’t let you eat in peace. “Oh yeah,” he murmurs against the skin of your neck after he moves your hair to your left shoulder. He plants a soft kiss on your right side, sending shivers down your spine and making it hard to concentrate on your task. “I’m sooo sorry I interrupted you.” His tone is full of sarcasm as his kisses travel to your jaw and all the way down again. “And you hated it sooo much.”

The metallic sound of your fork falling off your hand and hitting the plate startles the both of you. Donghyuck stops sucking on your neck and you fall out of your trance. Your startled face might be somewhat funny, because Donghyuck starts giggling as you both realize you were enjoying his kisses a little too much.

“Let’s go on a date.”

“All of a sudden?”

He nods with a smile on his face. “It’s your last day here tomorrow. It’s not like we won’t see each other anymore but… I want to take you out before your last day here.”

“Okay,” you agree, matching his smile.

“Okay?” He asks once more and sighs contentedly when you nod your head yes. “I’ll go plan everything. Make sure you’re all mine this afternoon!” And he leaves the room after kissing your right cheek.

(The busiest) Monday, 07:37 p.m.

“Hyuck, come on, there’s seriously no way of winning with those machines.”

“Babe, just one more try. I wanna get something for you.”

Donghyuck has been fighting against a claw machine for what felt like half an hour now. Since none of you weren’t able to win any of the games you tried at the carnival, you really appreciate his determination to win a prize for you this way. Yet you arrived here at five p.m., and after two rounds of bumper cars, after testing your strength at Ring the Bell (and both of you failing embarrassingly), riding the teacups, getting scared to death in the haunted house, and going twice into the Ferris wheel (one time for the sightseeing and pics and another time for kissing at the top of it) your stomach growls with hunger.

“We could’ve paid dinner with all the money you spent on this machine-”

“Wait, I’m about to get it!”

“Let’s just go get dinner.”

“But I’m about to get it!”

And you see it forreal this time: the claw holding a big Pochacco plushie and it falling right into the hole.

“Hyuck, you got it!” You scream in disbelief, a big smile taking over your face (maybe because of the cute plushie or maybe because it meant you were finally going to have some food.)

You watch Donghyuck lose his arm through the hatch and get it back, this time with the stuffed animal in his hand. When he’s presenting it in front of you, the stuffed animal is so big that it blocks your view. You admire it for a second, and then take it into your arms to discover a Donghyuck wearing the biggest smile you've seen in a while. He’s all cozied up, his jacket and stuffed hat making him look like a real life teddy bear. Even so, the cold of the winter has caused the tip of his nose and his cheeks to turn red, somehow making him look even cuter.

“I got it for you!” He says, the excitement not leaving his body even for a second.

You can’t contain yourself and, as an impulse, grab him from the jacket with your free hand and pull forward until your lips are meeting his. Just a short peck as a way of saying thank you, I love it (you.)

Neither of you realizes the little crowd you've drawn around the machines, not until you hear the applause and cheering as you're breaking away from your kiss. You’ve never seen Donghyuck get shy when drawing people’s attention, so this might be your first time noticing him trying to hide under his hat and into your embrace. You laugh it off even when you're equally embarrassed, but thank him for the plushie and tell him to run away from there to get dinner.

—

“I think I’ve liked you from the start,” Donghyuck confesses all of a sudden.

Well, maybe not so all of a sudden. While you two were having your dinner, bottle of beer came after bottle of beer. At some point of the night, you thought it was a good idea to start having soju. Donghyuck said something like “it’s our last night together, we should celebrate and get wasted” to justify your decision. So it may be the full stomachs and the alcohol making you be honest with each other.

“I know I’ve liked you from the start.”

“Aaall the guys knew too…” He slurs his words a little when speaking. “I wouldn't shut up about you.”

You can't hide your drunken, enamored smile when hearing him. But something makes a little noise inside your head. “All the guys knew?” You ask and he nods quickly. “Even Mark?”

“Even Mark,” Donghyuck confirms. “I mean, we always kind of had this joke going around that I was always waiting for you.” He pours himself another drink. “But we both knew it wasn't a joke.”

“Oh god.” You cover your face, embarrassed. “My own brother lied to me,” you say and Donghyuck makes a confused sound, which makes you keep explaining. “He pretended to know nothing about your feelings when I confessed to him that I liked you.”

“I asked him not to say anything.”

“Huh?”

“I wanted to tell you myself how much I like you.”

“Oh god,” it's all you can repeat right now, all these confessions and the alcohol making you grow hot everywhere. “It's so hot inside this restaurant,” you say as you take your jacket off.

Donghyuck knows the red on your cheeks isn't only because of the heat inside the place.

“I like you sooo much,” he says as he watches you giggle out of nervousness. Donghyuck calls your name and holds your hand over the table to try to get you to look at him, but you only giggle and hide your face with your other hand. “I'm in love with you!” 

“Okay, okay!” You're laughing by now, trying to cover his mouth to shut him up and not attract everyone's attention like you did at the carnival. “I'm in love with you too!”

“Good,” he says with an extremely pleased smile, that one that has always attracted you to him so much.

“Good?” you repeat and he nods.

Your phone screen lights up showing it's Mark calling you. You silently tell Donghyuck you're picking up and he lets go of your hand for you to do so.

“Yes?”

“Yo,” you hear Mark answer from the other side. “We're at Yuta's right now, we're working on some music with Taeil and TY so I think I'm just gonna crash here tonight.”

“Uhm, are you sure you don't wanna go back?” You ask and make eye contact with Donghyuck, who narrows his eyes and tilts his head to the side after your question. You only shrug to him as a response.

“Nah, I'll leave the apartment for the two of you so make good use of it.” Your brother answers convincingly.

“Okay, I'll see you in the morning.”

“All right bet, see you in the morning.” And he's quick to hang up.

You take the phone off your ear and look at it confused for a bit, until Donghyuck breaks the silence. “Everything all right with Mark?”

“Yeah,” you say as you put the phone down. “He said he's not going back home tonight.”

“Oh.”

You think of the words your brother said. “Leaving the apartment for the two of you,” and “making good use of it,” and it hits you. A little bit late, but it hits you.

“Oh…” you repeat, a surprised expression now taking over your face.

“Yeah, oh!” Donghyuck agrees. “We're having a real sleepover tonight!”

But by the excitement in Donghyuck's face, the one a little kid would show when told he's sleeping at a friend's, you aren't convinced he thought the same way you and Mark did.

(The last day at your brother's) Tuesday, 09:12 a.m.

The next morning, you wake up pretty confused. When you open your eyes, you're not sleeping at your usual spot. Your surroundings look very different from the living room where you've been sleeping every night. To your right, you spot Donghyuck's desk, filled with physics books, a pile of comics, and the typical empty Red Bull cans. The mattress also feels incredibly comfortable, soft but firm under you. But the most strange thing is the weight over your body, and a cologne you know very well and like very much flooding your senses. That's when you realize Donghyuck is laying all over you, stretched like a starfish.

You laugh and struggle to take your arms under him, and when you wrap them around the boy over you and squeeze, he starts to laugh too.

"Are the curtains open?" You ask in a voice still full of sleep.

He moves his head up to catch the smile on your face. "No?" 

"Then why is the sun so bright in my face?"

The smile spreads on his face and he plants a chaste kiss on your lips. "You're so fucking cheesy." And he kisses you again.

“Get off,” you try to move him from over your face and your body. “I haven’t washed my mouth.”

“I don’t care,” he says, finally moving and sitting at the side of his bed, where you’re still laying in. “I’m not missing a chance to kiss you.”

“You’re sooo fucking cheesy,” you repeat his words.

“And you like me sooo much.” Donghyuck moves to the nightstand and grabs an aspirin and a can of Red Bull and brings them to your mouth. “Take, it’ll make you feel better after all we had last night.”

You sit up a little on the bed to do what he told you, and once you've swallowed the aspirin you let yourself fall back against his pillow. Donghyuck is still sitting on the edge of the bed, exchanging glances with you and holding your hand lovingly. He's wearing the Michael Jackson t-shirt that he likes so much and he's wearing his messy hair, just as you left it after pulling, fixing and messing it up while you kissed him countless times the night before.

You’re leaving today, and it’s like all the feelings you’ve accumulated these past years are hitting right now, all at once.

“I wish I could wake up like this everyday.”

“Hungover?”

“No, not hungover,” you laugh at his question. “With you.”

He smiles and squeezes your hand reassuringly. “We’ll figure it out.”

You sit up in the bed and search for the energy drink on the nightstand. After a few drinks, you’ve figured the morning breath can’t be so bad, so you move to face him properly and grab his face for a real kiss. Donghyuck doesn’t take long to reciprocate and start caressing your entire body. He’s always the first one to take the kisses to other places, so you take the lead this time. You discovered last night that Donghyuck can’t resist the kisses on his neck. You start placing soft kisses, then some licks until you suck a little and he fails to suppress a moan. He laughs it off and calls your name.

“I want to ask something important,” he says, looking you dead-serious in the eyes now, all the jokes and the desire aside. After you nod in response, telling he has your attention, he takes a big breath of courage. “It may seem a little rushed, but after all we’ve shared these years and after this week we’ve spent together, I don’t want you to leave without asking you to go out with me.”

You feel the temperature increase throughout your skin. Is he finally asking you to…

“Be my girlfriend?” As if he knew you from inside and out, he finishes your thoughts out loud.

Temperature reaches your face as well as probably the biggest smile you’ve worn since you got here. You cradle his face, squeeze his cheeks with your hands until a pout is showing and you can’t help but laugh—out of nervousness but also out of happiness, from having the sun in your hands and all for yourself.

“Lee Donghyuck,” you start. “That’d make me the happiest in the world, in the universe.”

“You’re sooo cheesy!” He starts the bickering once again, yet he’s sealing your deal with a kiss on your smile and, of course, you’re returning the affection.

(Later that) Tuesday, 03:30 p.m.

You’re standing in the building’s hallway while your brother struggles to lock the door to the 12-7 apartment. Donghyuck is patiently holding your suitcase, waiting for Mark to be done. They’re going to accompany you to the bus stop that’s coming at four p.m. so you can finally go home to the rest of your family and your normal life—you’ll be back studying and working in a few days, after spending Christmas with the family and Donghyuck, who promised to be there to join the Christmas lunch at your home and—maybe, if he doesn’t chicken out—present himself as your boyfriend to your parents.

“We need to change the door lock before y/n moves in here,” Mark says after finally locking it.

“What?” Donghyuck and you ask in unison. “Moving here?”

“You’re not moving in with Donghyuck? I thought I’d finally be free from him,” your brother answers, kind of disappointed, but not as disappointed as Donghyuck after noticing how bad your brother wants him out.

“But where will you go?” You ask him.

“I made plans to share the floor with Yuta.” 

“That motherfucking japanese!” Donghyuck screams following Mark down the hallway, and you palm his back trying to reassure him, but your boyfriend won’t calm down. “I swear he wants to steal my best friend from me! He’s so jealous of my life!”

“What would he be jealous of, Donghyuck?” Your brother asks tiredly, and you know he’s rolling his eyes even if all you see is his back opening the building’s front door.

“Of our last-longing, incredibly unique friendship, of-fucking-course!” Donghyuck answers like it’s obvious.

“I’m pretty sure you just kept this friendship to get with my sister.”

“Mark?! That’s not true. I love you, man. Mark-Mark, come on!”

taglist: @matchahyuck @sundamariis @thesunsfullmoon @babyjenono @chenfleur @bettyschwallocksyee @sundhaelatte @injunier @justalildumpling @lanadreamie @dhyucktopia @143rachafm @minkyuncutie @bbh-kji @minhosprettywife

[figgrrr0]

heyyo!

(not me doing it wronf the first time sorry!!)

imagine tho

fem!/gn! reader cuddling with genshin men (alhaitham preferably) platonically and getting hard

like AIIDJWNWKS

I wasn't sure if this was like a friend or S/O situation, but I think this checks out. Hopefully.

They get hard while cuddling

Characters: Al Haitham, Xiao, Scaramouche/Wanderer, Heizou

Reader: Gn // Genre: Smut (suggestive) // No Cw.

Al Haitham:

Al Haitham isn't much the type to talk unless it's needed. He prefers silence (hence the earplugs), so any time you're even just in the same room, to him, it passes as quality time. That being said, it wouldn't be impossible to convince him to snuggle up together during one of his reading sessions, so long as you promise not to disturb him too often.

Now, Al Haitham can go quite a while without having to change positions, so most likely – unless you fall asleep against him – you'll be the first to move. However, after multiple instances of this, for varying lengths if time, it was only natural that his body would betray him at some point.

He'd randomly gotten hard. For no particular reason. Maybe you'd "accidentally" brushed against his clothed cock at some point, but it really doesn't matter; now, he's stuck in this situation that is naturally quite embarrassing, even for someone who doesn't usually care about others' opinions. But this is you we're talking about, and Al Haitham does care about what you think of him, as subtle as he tries to be about it.

So, he does notice his unfortunate predicament quite early on. But, instead of leaving to... take care of the problem, he decides to just leave it as is and see what happens. Maybe it'll go down on its own, or maybe you won't even notice. Maybe something worse – or much better – will happen if/when you do notice. But he's not going to disturb how comfortable you are just for the risk of his own potential embarrassment. He'll deal accordingly with whatever outcome comes his way.

Xiao:

Surprisingly, once he trusts you, Xiao isn't that hard to rope into cuddling up with you. However, it is quite hard to get him to stay. With the constant nagging in the back of his mind telling him to get moving, he can't help but be a little fidgety at times, sometimes even leaving when his debt gets a bit too overwhelming.

But, regardless of all this, Xiao will still find ways to show his gradual acceptance, and even craving, for your closeness. That may be him standing closer to you, seeking you out more often, or, eventually, even him being the one to ask you to huddle up together. At some point, it'll become something that he expects to happen, and on the odd occasion that it doesn't, he can't help but feel that something just isn't right. (You'll have to be the one to tell him that it's because he misses you).

Because of how new the physical touch that you're sharing is to Xiao, it'll obviously feel quite strange, to start off. This leaves plenty of opportunities for him to accidentally get hard while pressed up against you. The worst thing, – in his opinion – is that he doesn't even notice until one of you shifts to get into a more comfortable position. At first, he's kind of confused, until the realisation settles heavy in his mind, at which point he'll start working himself into a nervous frenzy; all while you're there just calmly enjoying yourself.

Not wanting you to have to deal with his "problem", Xiao will try to create some type of distance between you two. Whether it's just pulling away from you a bit, or trying to leave, depends on how conscious you are to his sudden odd behaviour. However, if you end up asking him about it, he'll instantly apologise, hesitantly explaining his accident (as if he can control it). However, no matter how much he wants to, Xiao won't leave until you've had enough time to decide how you want to proceed.

Scaramouche/Wanderer:

How you managed to convince him to try this, even he doesn't know. But now that you've already trapped him in the optimal position for some warm, comfortable hugs... it's hard not to fall further into your embrace.

Scaramouche would be very tense upon feeling your touch at first, understandably so. He's never had much physical touch at all, let alone been in an environment where that would be a safe thing to welcome. So, he'd need you to be relaxed for him to be able to follow suit, gradually easing up in your proximity.

As soon as he notices the uncomfortable stiffness between his legs, Scaramouche would instantly feel awkward, inwardly hoping it would go away on its own. He doesn't like not being in control, especially of his own body, so this happening certainly doesn't make this unfamiliar situation any easier.

Of course, as always, Scaramouche would not be the first to point out what was happening. He'll hide the steadily rising embarrassment as his usual confidence, pushing the blame onto you and accusing you of purposefully grinding against him to get him hard if you call him out on it. He'll make half-hearted threats to keep you quiet, but overall, he wouldn't want to stop just yet. Not when he's just starting to get used to the feel of you being so close to him... It may be a lot harder to get him to agree to do this again, though. He'll need some extra reassurance.

Used to being an observer, Heizou can be slightly uncertain with his movements when he's this close to you. He can find it kind of hard to shut off his detective brain at times, but once he gets used to it, he soon realises that holding you like this is the easiest way to get him to relax.

Heizou:

During these moments, Heizou likes to keep a conversation going. It's not always about something in particular, just whatever topic springs to mind. You don't even have to join in, if you don't want to; he's perfectly content just to let his mind wander and his words follow aimlessly while you listen.

Unfortunately, at some point, his thoughts will start to become sidetracked, suddenly focusing on the pressure of your body pressed so closely to his, especially... down there. Now, Heizou doesn't get embarrassed. Not in the slightest. Instead, he's annoyed.

Irritated by this turn of events, Heizou tries to ignore the hardness he feels. But, no matter how he shifts or how well he controls his voice, there's no way he'd be able to play this off. Of course, your comfort is the only thing on his mind at this point, so he'd be pretty open about it. Giving you some space and even making a small quip at his own humility, he tries to keep the friendly atmosphere flowing even as he leaves to take care of himself.

If you're not too put off by this, Heizou is totally up for more cuddles with you.

Want to send a request/brainrot with me? Check my rules!

Thank you for reading! 🩷

[tavina-writes]

I started writing yet another tag essay in the notes of a different post where OP posited that the reason established relationships that are rock solid or functional are hard to write and find in fiction because there's missing tension due to the lack of will they won't they, and how one way to solve this in a story is to make the characters insane about each other. (The post is here.)

And don't get me wrong! I like when characters are a little or a lot unhinged about each other! and I also like relationships that self destruct, tragedies that end badly, and all that jazz I enjoy these things a lot! They're good things!

But I'm thinking about relationship tension again and how like, okay yes sometimes we want our characters confess they're in love with each other and get together and sail off into a soft epilogue, etc. This too is love!

But I think fundamentally to deny the fact that two (or more) people can love each other deeply, be totally committed to each other, and yet still have difficulties and life problems to tackle together is an underexplored facet of romance. The mundane of this is where the real romance lies on our day to day as people, and I find this so...rarely? tackled in fiction?

Maybe this is because I'm ace, but I feel that there's a distinct? vibe to these sorts of mature and enduring romances where like, the love is there, the commitment is there, but we still have moments we need to work for it because that's life and we work for it because we find each other worth it.

What is more romantic than compromise with someone you care for deeply? What is more romantic than tackling problems together and trying to come to an agreement and sometimes not being able to but still having done your best and accepted the outcome anyway?

What is a long lasting relationship that isn't about give and take and growing together or coming apart? Aren't those stories interesting? How could any long lasting relationship where people are deeply in love with each other be boring when like, to BE in a relationship with someone for ten, twenty, thirty, sixty years and come out the other side of that saying 'you're the one, you're still the one, you've always been the one' is one of the most wild and rare type of relationships to have?

What sort of sacrifice and compromise and work it takes to build that sort of relationship, isn't that interesting? To persist despite moments of doubt and periods of despair and all the work it takes in mundanity? all the trials a relationship like that has to survive and has survived, isn't that still tension? isn't that still interesting?

Maybe it's just me that I find this more interesting than "will they? won't they?" Either they will or they won't but when I'm reading a romance they mostly will! But do they have what it takes to stay there? And if they do isn't that one of the most interesting things in the world to look at?

Isn't that also love?

[percheduphere]

LET'S TALK ABOUT "HE'LL MAKE IT BACK"

Special thank you to @mmobiuses, @starrose17, and @stevenrogered whose gifs make-up the lion's share of this post. Thank you to all the other amazing gif artists as well, without you, my metas won't be possible.

This might come as a surprise to a lot of people, but I actually wasn't big on Lokius until Season 2. I thought Loki and Mobius made a cute ship in Season 1, but that was the extent of it. In truth, I lost interest in the Loki series by the S1 finale and had 0 interest in watching S2. I didn't give the series another try until I saw positive reviews on Tumblr. I therefore started watching S2 when S2E4 dropped.

LOKI SEASON 1

Enjoying the potential love story between two characters is a deeply personal and subjective experience. So take what I say as my personal experience observing Loki and Mobius's relationship.

I fully believed Mobius loved Loki in S1 in the platonic sense. Tom Hiddleston has given a few interviews on Loki's and Mobius's relationship and seems to believe in this sentiment as well [see 5:30-7:30 and 10:57-11:00]).

That is to say, in S1, I didn't feel, "Oh, my god ... he loves him." It was more, "Yes, he loves him", there is no question, his actions prove it.

There is wiggle-room for unrequited love in the S1E4 interrogation scene, but the jealousy Mobius exhibited could have just as easily been a combination of anger on behalf of his murdered colleagues and platonic jealousy.

However, I felt the first hint of unrequited love from Mobius occurred during his goodbye scene with Loki in S1E5. Specifically, this look:

I had no expectations for that look to pay off in any way. Season 2 surprised me.

LOKI SEASON 2

S2E1 is amazing episode because, through subtext, it reframes how Mobius's S1 emotions may be interpreted with stronger evidence for romantic motivation. In this episode, there appears to be a subtle, gradual build-up to the moment that Mobius's love for Loki may be viewed as fully romantic. Let's break down the episode and look at the progression:

First, learning that Loki is at the TVA: *sigh* I can't find the "Loki's here?" gif.

Second, and perhaps the most infamous, the reunion and whole-body support Mobius provides Loki in the TVA War Room (physical comfort):

Third, Mobius bringing Loki somewhere safe and quiet, assuring him that "it's okay" (emotional comfort):

Fourth, Mobius insisting that Loki's condition must be fixed, not once but twice, in two different scenes. A third (writer's magic 3s!) instance occurs in the Heart of the TVA, just before the gangway scene (prioritizing the other):

Fifth, Mobius's admission that Loki's timeslipping looks horrible, and he can't look at it anymore. He repeatedly stresses to Loki how serious this is (emotional and physical empathy):

Sixth, Mobius taking Loki to exact right person who can help. This is particularly significant, because Mobius is the only person in MCU canon who has verbally expressed concern for Loki's physical well-being and took immediate action to stop the pain (act of service):

Seventh, the third time Mobius prioritizes Loki's wellbeing. He scolds Loki and reminds him they have only one shot at getting his timeslipping corrected before the temporal radiation becomes too high (prioritizing the other):

Eighth, Mobius interrupting Loki, insisting that he will make it back. The subtext here is that no other outcome is acceptable or thinkable for Mobius (emotional comfort):

Finally, Ninth, the clincher: "He'll make it back." (self-comfort)

This scene is everything to me. Moments 1 through 8 build-up to this singular moment. Let's do a micro-analysis on it.

After Loki timeslips, the camera stays on Mobius. It tracks him as he kneels down to pick-up the time sick, the last thing Loki touched. The camera then pans up as Mobius rises.

@stevenrogered, THANK YOU for this gifset. It's literally the only one I could find that captures the camera tracking Mobius after Loki disappears, and this is my all-time favorite Mobius scene.

Mobius stands for a moment, motionless, and the camera holds on his facial expression. He's staring at where Loki WAS for extended period of time (keep this in mind for later). He's holding his breath. He's worried, scared, and hopeful, not for himself and the danger he faces on the gangway, but for Loki.

Finally, he exhales as he says to himself, "He'll make it back".

This entire sequence--particularly the moment when Mobius picks-up the time stick and holds it in silence--made me feel, "Oh ... Oh ... he loves him."

The camera stays with Mobius, capturing his reaction to this high-stakes situation for a significant amount of time (@loki-us, maybe you can get this timed starting from the moment Loki disappears and Mobius starts to kneel to pick-up the time stick?). Cinematographers don't do this type of hold unless they want to illicit a strong emotion from the audience regarding the character we are focusing on in the moment.

My insides swooped, which rarely ever happens when I view film or television.

And this camera hold, this pregnant pause, is mirrored by Loki's stare in S2E5:

[murainhell]

Helluva Boss Spoilers!

The longer it's been since Full Moon was released, the more I think I like the fight. The writing and acting is incredible, they have done a fantastic job.

I know some people have taken my drawing as Blitzo being the one who acted wrong, while my friends think I'm blaming Stolas because I defend Blitzo when they complain about him. But no, I'm not taking sides. They are both wrong and at the same time right and their reactions are perfectly justified. They are two complex characters with complicated traumas that are clashing at the worst time. As a psychologist, I'm loving all of this. 

All of Stolas' opening dialogue is correct. You can tell he's been thinking about it for a long time, practicing, figuring out exactly what he wanted to say. That's great. The only problem is that when you practice a conversation, in your head nobody answers you. There were two possible outcomes, that Blitzo would say yes and they would see what happens after that together, or that he would reject him and there was no longer any reason to continue the conversation.

But Blitzo reacts in a way he didn't expect. Blitzo begs him not to change anything. “I can do better.”

The entire HB team has done a brilliant job of letting us feel Blitzo as a kid saying the same thing to his father. By now he is flooded by his own trauma. He doesn't accept the gift, he wants everything to stay the same. He wants the book, because:

It's something that works for them, it's something that is simple, why change it? Changing it is uncharted territory, and his past relationships have been complicated. But Stolas doesn't really know about those relationships.

Having the book is an excuse to see each other, it's a chain that binds them together as long as Blitzo needs it for his work. It means Stolas won't abandon him, they have a deal. But for Stolas that same tether is unbearable, because he knows what it's like to be tied down in a relationship, he's suffered the effects of that with Stella, and that means he's condemning Blitzo to the same situation, turning him into the monster he feels he is. But Blitzo doesn't really know that.

Believing it's a lie, a role-play, hurts Stolas, but how to blame Blitzo when he believes he's unlovable? He hates himself, how can Stolas be serious?

And I was hurt when Stolas said that for Blitzo it's always about sex... Bird boy, that's all he knows with you. And you know he thinks you're only there for the sex too, he tells you that in S1E7! Use your words to make him understand!!! 

But Stolas believes that everything he is witnessing is the answer. And he gives up. He's saying goodbye... ready to disappear from Blitzo's life, abandoning him when he can't give him what he asks for, when he's not enough. 

The reaction of both is understandable: Blitzo is ready for a fight (his way of communicating), he reacts poorly to the fact that Stolas is sending him out of his life because in the end he's confirming that rich people are like that, he's been a plaything for a while and now he's left behind; Stolas shuts down, he reacts poorly because he's been suffering yelling and hitting things and insults from Stella for years. 

And it breaks my heart. “Just look my way” Stolas, he's doing it. Blitzo is screaming and crying but he's looking at you. He's mad, but you just have to listen to him. Really listen to him. Because Blitzo has every right in the world to be upset, everything he says is true.

Stolas has dropped an emotional bomb on him, one he wasn't prepared for because in his head no one would want that with him. And then, without giving him time to process, to think, he's dismissing him.

He charges his fury at the social rift between them, but it's just that that difference has existed for as long as he can remember. Blitzo was sold to be a playmate for Stolas. Their relationship began within an abuse of power, where Blitzo sells his body for the book. Stolas is privileged enough not to have thought of any of that until now. It's not that he thinks badly of Stolas (although in his eyes, Stolas is confirming it by sending him away, he's a broken toy), it's facts. They need to put them on the table to grow. 

But Stolas is also within his rights not to listen when that's the tone he's using with him. He's using his coping mechanism to endure the fights with Stella. Blitzo is also confirming his worst fears; sending him away, removing that source of emotional damage he's suffering, is understandable, though by doing that he robs Blitzo of the opportunity to choose and make himself heard. 

Still, they needed this fight. Let's face it, they were not at all in a situation to start a serious relationship. They need it to know what they want, spend time without obligations and chains (as free equals) and to have space to have a real conversation. Because they don't talk, they don't have emotionally vulnerable conversations, where they can understand why the other is the way they are. 

I firmly believe they're going to figure it out. I believe in them. But we'll have to wait. In the meantime, don't hate any of them for reacting like complex souls.

Let's be Team Stolitz.

[gffa]

i’m fully obsessed with the fact that through multiple comics it’s implied that as devastated bruce would be (or has been, in Jason’s case) to lose any of his kids, losing dick would literally drive him mad. that boy made a man and a father out of him and losing him would be the end of the world

It's a one-two punch of how Dick is the one whose presence in the world gives Bruce hope, that even when they're not talking to each other, Bruce still knows that Dick exists in the world and that there's hope for life and justice and happiness. The world is still worth something if Dick Grayson is in it. Fighting to save people is still worth it, if the little boy he saved that night can still find a life to be happy in. Followed up with the gut-punch of how Dick is the one who came to him the youngest, the one who understands him the most, the one who taught him how to connect with family beyond the people who were in his life from Before. Never underestimate how much Alfred saved Bruce, gave him stability and love and structure that he desperately needed, but Dick was the one who came along and demanded that Bruce open his heart up further, demanded that Bruce expand his world again, demanded that he openly show some affection, demanded all that just by being Dick Grayson. Dick Grayson is his baby even more than the others, no matter how old he gets, some part of Bruce still sees him that way, because that one came to him when he was the youngest and wore his heart so openly that Bruce's own heart ached with every burst of anger and every burst of love from that little boy. Dick is the one that demanded to be seen and loved and made part of both Bruce and Batman's worlds, just by showing up and refusing not to connect with him. Every time he perched himself on a sofa upside down or sat himself on the edge of a table and asked what was wrong and refused to let Bruce brood, he made himself part of the world that Bruce needed to stay sane. Every time he laughed or made a ridiculous joke or eagerly showed what he'd perfected, he made himself part of the light of Bruce's world. Bruce loves all his kids equally, there's no one that he loves "more" than the others, but he has relied on Dick more than the others, Dick is the one that made those inroads to Bruce's heart possible in the first place, and Dick is the one that refuses to be anything other than A Good Outcome. No matter how many times Bruce starts to angst over his mistakes, Dick will say, yeah, you fucked up sometimes, but I love who I am and I love this life you helped give me, and no amount of mistakes you've made will undo that. You saved me and I love you for it. Dick is his ideal dream realized--someone who fights for justice, who understands the darkness of the world but loves openly anyway, someone who knows the mean and dirty things that must be done sometimes, but still cares about everyone, someone who will devote their life to fighting to save people but won't lose himself. Dick is Bruce's ideal version of Batman. Bruce loves Dick because Dick is so easy to love, because even someone who can be as hard to love as Bruce is is so loved by Dick Grayson, and because Dick understands him better than anyone. He loves Dick because he understands him in return, because Dick is always there when Bruce really needs him, yet also stands up on his own, he has become someone Bruce is proud of in a way that even his hell brain can't rip apart. And he loves him because Dick Grayson is the one that made him realize he could open his heart up to accepting new people into his life even after his greatest tragedy. He didn't have to just hold onto what came Before, he could find new family and love them just as much as he loved his parents, that there will be people worth loving in this new world. Bruce loves all of his family, he'd go off the deep end for any of them, but the one that I don't think he'd come back from is the death of Dick Grayson, the loss of the light of their world. That kid made him want to not just be better, but be part of the world again, because Dick Grayson was in it.

[firenati0n]

"who was that?" - a crack-ridden 500 word ficlet for @jafffacakess and a silly little addition to my unhinged Sims fic where Henry discovers something...wicked on Alex's laptop. reading that before this will make this infinitely funnier i swear. paging @indestructibleheart bc this universe is your fault fr (thank you ily) and @softboynick for the inspo! thank you all! and especially thanks to @anchoredarchangel for fact-checking my mpreg, which i steadfastly ignored. :) ilyyy

warning: SIMS-RELATED MPREG!! because wickedwhims is a menace of a mod!!! just like. a sentence or two. nothing graphic. but it is There. sorry for the mpreg debut. it won't happen again i swear!!!!

Alex’s computer is noisier than ever, and it’s driving Henry up the bloody wall. 

“What deranged scenario have you cooked up in your game now?” Henry asks, fearing the answer but knowing the outcome. “It’s only ever this loud when they’re either having gravitationally impossible sex on an appliance, or you’re testing the limits of our furniture. Our Sims neighbors must despise us.”

Alex’s resulting expression is a bad omen. “I’m…messing with some controls in the mod.”

The minute Alex leaves to use the toilet, Henry rushes to Alex’s laptop, still open and whirring. He is not prepared for what he finds.

Sim Henry and Alex are cuddling on the couch and watching a movie, the fireplace crackling. A serene evening in, all things considered. 

Sim Henry is also, by Henry’s estimate, seven months pregnant. 

Henry hears a flush and quickly goes back to his seat; he absolutely cannot wait to hear how Alex talks himself out of this one. 

Alex settles back in, a bright smile on his face. Henry is, against all odds, in deep and embarrassing love with this man.  

“How’s our baby doing?” Henry asks. 

Alex beams. “Artie’s great, he’s a toddler now, getting along so well with David and the horse.” After Henry bought Alex the pet expansion pack, all bets were off. Suddenly, Alex wanted the Horse Ranch and Aliens too. How their Sims had horses in their brownstone backyard in the city...outside the bounds of human logic, but perfectly acceptable in the game.

“No, I meant our other baby,” Henry says, working overtime to keep his face neutral. 

Alex freezes. “What baby?”

“The baby I’m carrying. Who was that, hm?”

“That’s scientifically impossible and you know it.”

“Alex, Artie is literally a science baby. My sim, however, is currently in the third trimester.” None of these words are in the English language.

Alex squints at the screen. “Damn, whose pregnant husband is that?”

“Alex.”

Alex laughs, cracking under Henry’s stare. “Listen, I’m not sorry. One day you had morning sickness and the game told me you were pregnant, which I didn’t even know was fucking possible. If I had to guess, it was the upside down fridge sixty-nine, I run that shit constantly. What should we name her, you got any suggestions?”

“You’re telling me oral got me pregnant?”

“Are you seriously nitpicking the realism of male pregnancy to my face?” Alex barrels on. “How about Cat, as a nod to both your mother and my sister? That could be cute. Art and Cat!”

“Art and Cat,” Henry echoes. “Yes, I quite like that.”

“Perfect, Cat it is,” Alex says with a grin. 

“To recap,” Henry starts. “We have a toddler, a puppy, a newborn on the way, and a horse—”

“I don’t want to hear a single fucking word about Nutter Butter,” Alex interjects. “He completes our family.”

“Of course,” Henry says seriously. “Wouldn’t dream of it.” He looks at Alex curiously. “How close am I to—”

“Labor? About thirteen minutes away.”

Henry pulls his chair around next to Alex. “Perfect.”

[4dkellysworld]

hii how is your "journey " going? i would like the hear about your practice

Hey, I think it's going great! I feel really quite pleased with the present moment. Hmm in terms of practice, I prefer to see it as a way of being/living rather than practice as practice often comes with the view of being the doer practicing and often there's expectations of outcomes/results attached to it (although I had to start these off viewing it as a practice first until it became natural).

These are some of the things I do my best to practice/embody every moment of every day (not everything all at once but based on what feels right for each moment but overall they're things that I practice):

Being present and aware in the here and now without identifying as the doer

During moments where resistance/negativity/limitation come up and it can be a lot, I just allow myself to be still and let everything be. Then I do some sort of variant of this "exercise" I described in the second half of the response based on what feels right and appropriate in the moment

Always being aware of my state of being/consciousness and making it a priority to "manage" it (which includes 1. investigating and dropping any thoughts of limitation, lack or negativity that come up from daily life and recognizing that it is not me 2. choosing to see/feel/know what I prefer to see/feel/know myself, others and the world regardless of appearances and not allowing myself to feel limited to what is perceived by the senses including my own thoughts and perceptions of 'the past'. So for me, my preference is seeing these in everything: freedom, harmony, peace, love, kindness, abundance, wholeness, fulfillment. All that good stuff. I've dropped most attachments/desires of wanting those feelings to be fulfilled externally through symbols and I enjoy just being in the state of being with those essences)

Being patient, accepting, understanding, compassionate, non-judgmental and loving of myself as well as others (which includes seeing "others" as just different forms of myself). This also means allowing everything to be as it is in the world with acceptance and without caring to change it or feeling bothered by it. If I feel bothered by something, I recognize that it's a reflection of my own consciousness and if it feels right, I'll do what I mentioned in the above point to drop whatever underlying thoughts of limitation there are. Then I continue to see what I prefer without feeling the need to physically do anything about it. If I feel spontaneously inspired to do something, I'll take action though

Challenging myself to do things that I feel resistant, averse, fearful and/or limited in order to "break out of the matrix" (which is just the mind's own limiting programming lol). E.g. feel afraid of offending/hurting someone just by speaking up so you don't want to speak your truth even though you really do want to? Do it anyway cos unless you do something about those limiting beliefs/programs, they'll keep directing your life until you do - you get to decide when that stops. Recognize you can still act with love and speak your truth with tact.

Not labelling/defining/judging anything including my own thoughts, feelings as well as how things are or how things happen. If I do, I catch myself then let go of the labels/definitions/judgments.

Choosing to be free from expectations and focusing on being present and enjoying it

Minimizing my consumption of information and being discerning & mindful of what I do. Neither believing nor disbelieving anything I read or hear (including my own thoughts that pop up!), recognizing it's all subjective and I can choose to change my mind about anything whenever I want.

Trusting my Self above all and "doing" what feels right for each moment by allowing Self to lead the way

Things that naturally happened so far as a result of practicing (I won't talk about any manifestations but more the inner changes):

Peace! Lightness of being. It's amazing. The more you drop, the lighter and more spacious you feel. Just keep dropping everything :D

Acceptance, connection and love for my Self. When I started, there was a lot of judging myself and comparing myself to other people's experiences and progress (it's just all ego trying its best to do what it thinks is right) but now I'm just allowing and loving my own experience and presence, happy to just be and trusting that all is well. I don't see anyone as better than the other, ultimately we are all One.

My capacity to give, feel, be and accept love. It feels like several lifetimes ago now when I think back to the time before I started, I don't even identify with that person anymore but she used to feel a lot of lack when it came to love and seeing love in the world used to trigger her a lot, especially with jealousy but now I love seeing love in the world, like yes this is the world I prefer, where everyone is loving and kind to each other.

No longer feeling like I need to fit into other people's experiences on this path in order to feel validated as having 'progressed' enough. No longer feeling inferior (or superior!) to others. Being patient with myself (and others!) and accepting everything is perfect as it is, everyone's 'journey' is going to look a bit different and there's no one-size-fits-all in terms of approach or experiences.

Being "kind" and more selfless - old pre-ND Kelly was a bit of a people pleaser and liked to do kind things to be perceived as kind and nice but now I just do things just because and then when people say 'oh that's so kind of you!' I'm like oh really? Never thought that, all I did was consider things from their shoes and wanted them to benefit too. I guess being seen as 'kind' naturally happens when you see everyone as yourself, you want everyone to be well and happy (I guess also cos I stopped labelling and defining things in general)

Greater imperturbability and stillness within - there are things that would have really bothered past Kelly that genuinely now don't affect me mentally/emotionally in any way and when I recognize that, there's a bit of a 'hey that's cool'. That's real freedom and peace, to not be affected by externals and being able to remain centred in your own beingness.

I'm more 'forgiving' and I can let go of things a lot quicker and a lot more easily (in comparison to the past) even with things that can feel quite difficult

A naturally quiet and still mind!! I used to not like meditation but now it's the greatest thing.

Less and less thoughts and feelings of negativity, lack and limitation. More and more joy, love, gratitude, open spaciousness, peace and freedom.

Don't feel the desire or need to argue with other people, I don't need to prove myself in any way, they can think what they want.

I don't know if it's a downside (lol) but many of the things that past Kelly enjoyed for entertainment are no longer enjoyable to me. E.g. like reading about celebs, watching shows that don't have any deep messages or spirituality in them, even like tarot readings used to be for fun and nothing serious but they're not even fun anymore. Oh well lol

It's easier to observe things more objectively when thoughts come up and recognize them as limitations rather than spiral into a loop and get caught up in identifying with the narrative or thought train

It's possible I missed some things but that's all I can think of atm. I didn't focus on results and then reverse engineer what sort of practices I needed to have in order to get there, it was more picking what felt right for me then just doing them from the heart with sincerity and then changes happened on their own. I guess it's like when someone starts eating healthier and exercises out of enjoyment rather than focused on weight loss, they may eventually find they suddenly have a slimmer and healthier body, it was kinda like that when you enjoy the present moment. Like one day I just found the changes had happened and it feels like it's a daily thing where in a way, every moment of every day "you" (the concept/identity/ego, not the true changeless you) are dying and being reborn with every choice you make, every thought you choose to accept or let go of - it's all in the mind. Every moment is a new moment and you don't have to be limited to what you perceive as 'the past'.

But ultimately, I don't think of taking credit for any changes that happened to me. I feel like it was initiated by sincerity but the changes happened on their own because I got ego out of the way (through those practices) and allowed Self to shine through. (This is a realization I just had now while writing all this so thank you for asking! I don't really reflect much on my 'progress' so this has been nice lol)

[thatfrailsoul]

– Autumn's fallen leaves

tarot pick a pile reading ( → 1, 2, )

"The princess out of school", Edward Robert Hughes

Each year, time and time again as their leaves fall, the trees show us their courage. Their incredible strength to let go of a part of them that no longer serves them. Even if it took them so long to nourish them and grow... They let go of everything, accepting and embracing this needed end. Gifting themselves a chance for a new beginning, full of growth and better health.

They are preparing now to do it once again. And as life and its cycles guides them... It tries to guide us too this time. It tries to help you... to let go of something. Something that is only weighting on your tired shoulders, slowing you down.

Take a deep breath, give yourself a needed moment of reflection and rest. Wander through this painting, through its details... Which one caughts more your gaze? To which part of the painting it belongs to? Pay attention - it is showing you where your message hides and awaits.

_

_

These days have been... a little harsh on me. It was difficult to bring myself to fight it and endure it, even though I so desperately wanted to make it through. So this reading, these messages, speak right to my heart. Giving me a needed reminder and moment of reflection. And I hope it will help you too..♡

I had this reading in mind for a little while, but wasn't quite sure. At least until I've received a request from the kindest soul exactly about these same thoughts and concerns. It was the needed (gentle) push for me to do it, so I deeply thank the one who requested this reading.♡

_

– Pile One,

the queen of swords, the emperor, the four of wands

There is so much control, so much presence within you, in the way you choose your life... But in that strength and power, if looked at closely, one can see the shades of fear, of desperate need...

Every little detail was already planned, analysed. Every outcome is expected, good or bad. Every path is already prepared so it can change its course in case of an obstacle or its end... Everything already leads to that one specific goal and outcome. The one that you imagined, perfectly pictured, for so long in your life... That it just can't be otherwise, it just can't pass you by. Not this one.

You are giving constantly to this so much work and intention, so much of your mind and heart, that even the slightest deviation feels like the whole world, your whole life, falling down.

You don't know what else you can do, how else you can make it more secure and successful, more perfect in your eyes... Or perhaps in the eyes of others... And it is consuming you, the pure stress and fear of just a thought that things might not work out.

It is all changing, shifting, day after day, in every area of your life. It is all evolving, and not really in a direction and way that you would've choose, in those that you would feel comfortable to be and live... And the only remaining thing, project and situation that is so important and indeed so powerful to give you back that control on your life, helping you to regain your balance back... Is becoming strange. Sometimes too slow, sometimes too sudden. Sometimes too stagnant or too confusing and dark. It is slowly but surely using all your back up plans, without slowing down, without showing you its horizon and its end... Making you afraid of the moment in which you won't simply have any other idea, opportunity or choice... While the path will continue to evolve, leaving you behind with that little that remains of yourself after all these sacrifices...

But is it really changing so much, this path? Is it really being ruined by everything you try? Or were you the one that made so many deviations trying to avoid all the obstacles and catastrophies that you thought you saw and needed to don't let closer to yourself?

Because there is an incredible power within you. Power of will, of hope, of patience and courage when it comes to protect yourself and your desires and dreams. A power strong enough to clear out a path as you will walk through it. But also... Enough to destroy it, if only you convinced yourself enough of it.

And this is something unique, not at all so easy to find in us, not so easy to learn and use. And when we, desperate and afraid, find this power within us... We tend to use it to protect ourselves from the obstacles and opponents of the outside, instead of using it against the thoughts and feelings inside our heart and head... that have much more power over our journey, its ups and downs, and sometimes their end.

This is indeed for you - this goal, this dream, this journey. It's not only you who wants this outcome, but that goal wants you too, that desire wants to be yours.

It is the right path, you are on the right path. It is the safe one for you, even if so many times you expected the worse and tried to flee.

There weren't any problems impossible to resolve, or obstacles too heavy to remove. There was only you who made a "mistake" of thinking that you never could be able to face those things or do them. There was only you who had so much passion and desire, conviction that it is for you, fused with that fear and uncertainty still present within you. There was just this mix of certainty and, ironically, confusion. The inner knowledge of what you want but confusion on how to get there, if you even could.

There was just this strong, incredibly powerful, courageous heart and mind. That, confused exactly like you, tried their best. Focusing more on avoiding and finding new routes. And not on showing you, teaching you, how you could've make it work regardless, following your original plan and decision, without sacrifices and changes that you felt forced to make.

Now it is already done. And it's just fine the way it is. It's not worse nor better. It wasn't the wrong way. It was just different. You tried and you felt it. You felt deep down in you that the way you chose again and again, perhaps was not quite the easiest one...

But now, today, in this moment, you have once again the possibility to choose how to do it. You have a chance to stay, to not run away. And to try to do your thing, how it feels right for you, and not how it seems more safe.

This journey is safe and right one for you, for who you want to become, regardless. So start to go through it with the same way that desired you would. Use your knowledge, your confidence, your power of choice. Not to avoid things, to escape and hide in hopes of finding another opportunity somewhere somehow... But to stay tall and strong and, gently, fight it. Showing this world, those people, this environment and to your own self, that things can and do work differently sometimes.

Showing and reminding all of you that it is not always the journey that changes us, but sometimes we are the ones to simply remember how much it means for us, without holding back. Without giving up.

P.s. Let me know if you chose this message and how it felt to you, if it resonated at all..♡

And if you would like to receive more clarity and guidance about your situation (through a personal or free reading) you can find out more about it here!♡

_

– Pile Two,

the four of cups, the queen of swords, the empress

It is quite easy to find, to constantly notice, all the things that are not working out no matter how hard you try. It is quite easy to remember all the things that you pictured, all the things that you so ardently wanted... and that never really manifested in your life.

It is easy to focus on them because it's so hard to ignore them. To ignore that pain, pressure, frustration that you feel in each moment of your life... when all you ever wanted was to just be safe, living a good and peaceful life.

So no one can tell you to don't do it. No one can have a say on how you should feel as you go through so many problems and challenges in your life now. But... Your heart and mind can and will still do it.

They will show their tiredness and sadness through the emptiness that you feel in your chest. Through the fog that is overwhelming your mind and making your thoughts so difficult to follow or find. They will show it to you, they will speak to you in the only way they can: a tired body, that doesn't have anymore the needed strength. The needed health.

And you know it. You already see it in the way you react less and less to this life. At least on the outside... Because you are still human, it still hurts, you still feel so many emotions that explode bottled up in your heart.

You are becoming calmer, in the eyes of others, but you are slowly destroying yourself from the inside. The only place were you used to feel and be safe, and that now is not anymore able to hide you from the reality of your life.

It is difficult, impossible, to ignore all of this... And you don't need to do it. But in the same way you shouldn't ignore those little, tiny, good things that are still present in your days either.

It might seem so useless, to try to focus on them, holding onto them so desperately when they are so few... But they are enough for your heart and mind that just need to know that there is light and warmth too. It is so little, but it is exactly what you need to find that strength again. To find that hope and simple knowledge that things can indeed be different. That it will not always be this way. That this is not the end...

Or perhaps it is. An end of this long and troubled phase of your life. An end of this tiring fear. Perhaps it is finally the moment of change. A shift that will start first within you. In that mind that will realise a one little but important thing: you don't need to choose between seeing life all in black or white, you can see it and feel it as it is. Complicated, different, strange... Just real.

A life that needs and gives importance to both things. A life that doesn't ignore. Exactly like you shouldn't. Not the bad things, that you just need to feel in order to be able to remember, overcome them and in the future avoid... And not with the good ones, that even if little, are still a demonstration of how things can and will be different. How they can and will transform.

You gave a lot of yourself to all your problems, challenges, obstacles on your path... But you gave so little credit to your strength, your patience, your own existence and everything that transformed you in the incredible soul that you are now.

A soul that perhaps, indeed, can't be the one to resolve it all... But that can still make it through.

Just don't ignore it. Don't ignore those good parts of your life or you that are still here, that are still relevant, that are still deserving of the same acknowledgment, attention and trust as the ones that you give to those negative and challenging parts of your life.

P.s. Let me know if you chose this message and how it felt to you, if it resonated at all..♡

And if you would like to receive more clarity and guidance about your situation (through a personal or free reading) you can find out more about it here!♡

_

_

[baileybeez]

My Top 10 Catradora Moments (My Opinion Obviously)

10. Adora Has Always Loved Catra

This is the moment I believe Adora firmly knows she's in love with Catra. I know she's in love with Catra beforehand but I believe this is the first time she realizes 'I'm in love with Catra'. Adora is getting ready to face an uncertain outcome with Horde Prime and she's trying to remain strong. But we can see glimpses of her looking for Catra wanting to her come back. We then see as she's heading to the Heart of Etheria, memories are being projected. The first one that comes up that really hits Adora is Catra. Catra saying her last and classic 'Hey Adora' and Adora is at first thrilled she's back. But then it changes to Catra when she was younger training in the fright zone, Catra from when she was chipped, Catra from Season 4, Catra from season's 1-3 and then current Catra. This to me screams 'Adora has always loved Catra despite all the hardships they've endured'. Even though she realizes deep down, this isn't the real Catra, she wanted to reciprocate her touch. But then the fake Catra disappears as Adora is almost off the edge.

Also this scene brought that iconic 'Somewhere Only We Know' tiktok.

9. God She's Cute When She Laughs

Everyone knows I'm a sucker for fluff so this little moment always stuck out to me. We've seen Catra blush before and she looked at Adora's New She Ra Form and was like 'Damn...she kinda bad.' But this one was so sweet and wholesome. Catra at first is annoyed cause they're teasing her about how cute her helmet is and at first you think she's gonna be defensive about it. At first she is but then she see's Adora laugh and freezes. Adora is so happy Catra is getting along with her friends and is back to the Catra she grew up with. And Catra just smiles at Adora, any frustration she had melted away.

8. Princess Prom

Ya'll this episode was the reason I gave She-Ra a shot. I saw this scene floating around online and I just had to find out what was going on. At the time, I had only recently accepted myself as sapphic and this was one of the first scenes that caught my attention during that time. There were already strong hints of Catradora later becoming a thing but this scene hit differently. We get to see the dynamic these two would have for a few more seasons. The shift between them as they become enemies while still seeing they still care for one another.

7. It's Over, He's Gone

The end moment with these two in She-Ra was fantastic. Hearing Catra's soft 'Adora' as the two smile at each other was adorable. Adora reaches out her hand to Catra and reassures her that it's over and that Horde Prime is gone. These two had gone through so much because of the Horde. And now, their foreheads touch as they're just happy they made it to their happy beginning for each other. With Catra still being snarky and saying 'Good riddance'. It's a good final moment where the two can be happy. And now this just makes me wish we got a She-Ra movie.

6. Please Just Stay

First of all, if you haven't already please read Don't Go by Nate Stevenson. It's a fanfiction he created that takes place after Save the Cat and really helps highlight this and other scenes I'm about to get into later. It's also just really good. But Catra beforehand is struggling to figure out why Adora saved her and dealing with the aftermath of what Horde Prime did to her. She and Adora just had a big fight with Adora telling Catra she never hated her. We find out later, the chip on Catra is tracking the ship they're on and they need to get it off. With Catra needing to confront Entrapta (who she also didn't end things on good terms with) and Adora. Adora tells Catra once they're done, they can drop her off and she won't have to see any of them again. We see this crumbles Catra's usual strong self as she lets herself be vulnerable for a moment. Grabbing Adora's wrist and then her hand requesting that she stays, Adora also blushes. Catra also comes up with an idea to read what Hordak's planning since their minds are connected. Catra knows Adora will continue to fight Horde Prime and knows she'll be reckless. She just asks Adora to stay with her with two two holding each other. I love this moment as we see the two work together and slowly build their bond again.

5. You Coming?

As Adora is succumbing to the virus and Catra calls out to her, we get this moment of Adora's wish. She's back home with Catra, Glimmer and Bow as they're all getting ready for Scorpia's Princess Prom. Adora wants desperately to have this future with her friends and home happy. She's slowly learning to be selfish after she's been stuck trying to give and give as She-Ra. And she wants a life with Catra, the person she's come to love and married to in this vision. Stevenson confirmed couples in Etheria have something to show they have ties to each other. Catra is wearing Adora’s wing buckle on her shirt and Adora is wearing Catra's head piece on her dress. At first, Adora is sad because part of her wants to embrace this future but doesn't think she deserves this. But seeing Catra, the person she's married to in this version ask her if she's coming with them. She can't help but want to follow her. Even when Adora was dying, all she wanted was a peaceful life with her friends and the person she loved.

4. We're Going Home

Save The Cat in general is a great episode and my personal favorite of She-Ra's. Adora manages to save Catra with the help of her friends as Catra is still unconscious from the fall and whatever Horde Prime did to her. Adora gently holds Catra and telling her she's not done yet and that they're going home. Adora's healing powers manage to work on Catra as she wakes up. She also says her classic 'Hey Adora' in a very weak voice. And Adora is so relieved that she just embraces Catra and and Catra is shocked. We see how hesitant Catra is accept Adora's embrace but eventually she does while letting out a deep breath of relief. With her purring being the last thing we hear before the episode ends. Catra purrs mostly when she's around Adora, she's always happy to be accepted by Adora. This description from Nate Stevenson also really helps sells the moment too.

'They stay that way for a long time, Catra’s face tucked into Adora’s shoulder, Adora gently cradling Catra’s head. Adora is careful not to hug Catra too hard or make her feel restrained, anticipating the moment that Catra will start to pull away — but Catra doesn’t. She hangs on so tightly it hurts, her claws digging through Adora’s jacket and into her back, latching into her like she did when she was a kitten and didn’t know how much her claws could hurt. Adora tries not to wince, tries not to move a single muscle, worried that if she does the spell will break and Catra will struggle away, appalled at having shown weakness. But Catra doesn’t let go. And so neither does Adora.'

3. I'm Not Leaving

Save the Cat and The Heart Part 2 have my favorite Catradora moments and this one is one of them. We saw how Catra came back to Adora when she needed her and almost died trying to save her. Shadow Weaver comes in though and sacrifices herself with Adora and Catra reuniting. This time it's Catra rescuing Adora and coming to her aid instead of the other way around. Adora is struggling to use the failsafe and realizes it might not work. She tells Catra to get far away from where she is and that there's no more time. Saying how she can save everyone and touches her forehead with her own. While also stating how it's okay and she's ready. It's heavily implied Adora is going to die trying to use the Failsafe and Catra stands firm on staying with Adora. Saying whatever happens she'll stay here with her. And we see that as Horde Prime's virus is trying to take control of the Heart, Catra is facing it with Adora.

2. You Matter To Me

I love the scene of Adora trying to save Catra from the chip she's being controlled under. Adora is trying desperately to bring Catra back out and trying not to hurt her despite Catra attacking Adora. Then Catra does break free from control and tells Adora she should have stayed away and asks why she came back when she doesn't matter. With Adora gently holding her face telling Catra she matters to her. This is also asked later again by Catra in Don't Go.

“Why did you come back for me?” she demands.

“I —“ Adora’s voice trails off in the silence. Catra doesn’t let go. The only sound is the soft, muffled humming of the ship’s engines as it moves through space, away from Horde Prime. “Because…” She trails off again.

What is she supposed to say?

“Because…you’re Catra,” she finishes weakly.

Because at the end of the day, Adora will always care for Catra. Then Catra get's possessed again as she walks towards the edge fighting to not be controlled by Horde Prime. Adora reminds Catra she's never listened to anyone in her life and asks if she's going to start now. Catra looks amused as she just says Adora's an idiot with Adora agreeing, tears in her eyes. Adora then says she's going to take Catra home as Catra breaks free from Horde Prime saying 'Promise?'. Adora holds out her hand saying 'I promise!'. This is obviously a parallel to when they were kids and they promised to look out for each other. It's such a heartfelt and touching scene

I Love You

'Catra she distracts you, confuses you.' - Shadow Weaver

'You Etherians are all alike. Such strong connections to one another, it's what makes you weak.' - Horde Prime

And yet their 'weakness' and 'distraction' saved the universe. The Catradora confession scene is number one as it is a finale to Catra and Adora's character arcs. Adora is dying and seemingly getting ready to accept her fate. That there won't be a happy future for her. But then she hears Catra still reaching out and calling for her to wake up. Catra hasn't given up on Adora and Adora never gave up on Catra, so she shouldn't start now.

Adora does try to reach for Catra but doesn't quite make it with her saying it's too late and that she failed. Catra reassures her that she's got Adora and won't let go. In desperation and perhaps wanting to finally tell Adora, Catra says.

'Don't you get it? I love you! I always have! So please just this once, stay!'

We hear Catra and Adora's theme Promise in the background playing this whole time which we haven't heard since the episode Promise. Last time it was Catra leaving Adora to follow her own path and Adora learning to let go of Catra. Now, it's Catra reaching out for Adora as Adora takes her hand. Adora is blushing as Catra has tears in her eyes begging for Adora to stay. Adora does wake up in awe asking if Catra loves her. Catra is blushing while smiling calling Adora an idiot. Then she looks surprised as Adora just smiles at Catra saying she loves her too. They then kiss as Adora is finally able to activate the Failsafe but the two are too busy kissing.

I also want to add in the storyboard version of this scene where Catra says 'We always said it would be you and me, together at the end. But not now, okay?'.

Honorable Mentions Down Below:

[anistarrose]

I want to talk about the way aromantic experiences can be represented in very meaningful and validating ways without characters being written as intentionally aro, and also I want to talk about aro-spec Magnus Burnsides headcanons. Luckily, I can do both those things in one post!

During the events of the podcast, Magnus is disinterested in and often straight-up uncomfortable with romance, because of the fate that befell his last relationship, with Julia. I've seen a reading (that I don't think is objectively wrong, though I do not personally share it) that interprets this trait of his as some kind of "sacrifice" he's making on Julia's behalf, being a choice to stay out of other relationships to carry on her memory better. It's a reading that seems pretty reasonable at first glance, but not especially aromantic.

(Because if anything, it almost seems at risk of turning into something like "there is no sacrifice more tragic than not having a romantic partner," right? Or worse, "this is a trauma response that needs to be healed for Magnus to have a happy ending, because being able to enjoy romance is vital to his happiness and self-fulfillment." Both of which are... varying levels of uncomfortable, to me as an aro person. Like, I'm not in the business of telling people how to interpret fictional characters, but I personally can't engage with these without a bad feeling in my stomach.)

However! Back to the various potential readings of Magnus's character! It's worth noting that so much of Magnus's arc revolves around unpacking his trauma, from the destruction of Raven's Roost and Julia's death — and that healing process doesn't change how he feels about romance! The Eleventh Hour is the turning point when he starts to seriously re-evaluate what the trauma and loss made him want, versus what Julia would want for him, and what would let him live in the moment instead of in the past... yet in the Heart Attack segment of Wonderland? Magnus still expresses disinterest in dating.

In Arms Outstretched, then Story and Song, he further internalizes and chooses to let himself be saved and ask for help, instead of punishing himself with martyrdom — and no romantic relationships come up in the epilogue! When he passes away after a long, happy life, it's Carey, — his best friend! — who holds his hand while they wait for the end!

Magnus's reasons for not wanting another relationship are obviously complex — not just a conclusion about himself that he came to lightly, regardless of whether he's on the aromantic spectrum, not on it at all, or deliberately not choosing a label. What makes his arc so unique and special to me, in contrast with almost every other story about traumatized characters finding a happy ending, is that his happy ending isn't contingent on romance! Whenever he says that he's that not into dating, no one doubts him or tries to undermine him (other than Lydia, who's literally trying to feed on his suffering) — and to me, an aro listener...

Well, the way the narrative takes Magnus's wants and lack thereof seriously is just so refreshing.

Ninety percent of characters in fiction who repeatedly stress that they don't want romance or marriage are only shown doing so to set up for the narrative later proving them wrong. It's to contrast with that later point in the story where they "find the right person," or "understand when they're older." Or "stop being so cold," or "stop acting like they're too fucked-up and 'damaged'." Or "overcome their trauma."

It has an air of "wow, isn't this character so ridiculous, for thinking they won't change their mind later?" Or occasionally, "isn't it so tragic, that they can't envision themselves being loved?"

For protagonist-y characters, for heroic characters like Magnus — for any type of character in which "happily ever after" is considered a plausible, fair-game, genre-acceptable outcome — we see the genre conventions also dictate that "settling down in a romance" and the "happy ending" are intertwined. I've seen TAZ posts from back in the era of The Suffering Game/The Stolen Century airing, expressing sentiments like "Magnus not finding someone to love again would be so tragic and mean-spirited, I hate grim and edgy endings like that." While I can appreciate people trying to subvert tropes like "you can only have one 'true love' in all your life," the incredibly non-subversive and ultra-amatonormative belief that "romance is a prerequisite for a happy ending, or even healing arc" is such a deeply unfortunate one to tag on.

I am aromantic. I don't want a romantic relationship. And I find joy in that! I refuse to accept that I need to be "fixed" or "healed" to live a long, happy life, because I'm not broken! What brings me the most joy beyond just living as an aro is seeing stories actually acknowledge that people can find this happiness without romance — like how Magnus's story does! Like how casually and matter-of-factly it subverts expectations — how Magnus says he doesn't want another relationship, and no one comes along to prove him wrong! He doesn't "find the right person" because at this particular phase of his life, and of how he wants to live, there isn't one in a romantic context!

He heals from his trauma enough to find all kinds of joy — doing things he loves, surrounded by people he loves — and not because of, or in service of pursuing, a romantic relationship!

I almost never see fantasy stories where one of the heroes gets to have an arc like that. An arc where they get to live out an ending that I would want. A happy ending that would be happy for me! For people like me!

Magnus Burnsides gives me so much Aromantic Hope. That this is a kind of happy ending that I am not the only one to idealize, and that I could attain, no matter what horrors are being thrown at me in the present. Magnus dies peacefully, after years of assuming that he wouldn't, and he does so surrounded by his dearest friends and family. Who are all so proud of the life that he lived. Magnus was true to himself, to what he felt would bring him healing and fulfillment — instead of what cliché and expectation dictated to him — and he was completely at peace in the end. Ready to rush in one final time.

I immensely doubt that Travis intended for Magnus's story to be an aromantic story in those words, if at all. But Magnus's story resonates so, so much with so many common aromantic experiences. And that means so much to me. I'm so grateful for that. In this day and age, in this world, I needed that.

I needed to have a good long cry about Magnus Burnsides. Aromantic icon, intentional or not.

...

...Of course, because this is tumblr, I want to make a clarification. This isn't some kind of claim like "shipping Magnus with people other than Julia is problematic." It is, however, a thesis statement that "no such ship becoming canon makes Magnus's arc so much more unique." It's an explanation giving full context to how I'm biased, not objective, but willing to argue that it makes his arc so much more meaningful, too.

And most of all, it's a desire to shine a light on a side of Magnus's character and growth that I think goes underdiscussed. Especially underdiscussed through an aro-spec lens. And speaking of which:

Sure, I said I don't think Magnus was intended as an aro-spec character, or that he can only be interpreted as such — but if you made it this far, you know I think this ruff boi's just chock full of aro-spec subtext! So just for fun — and because the world is always deserving of more aro-spec headcanons — let's end this post playing with some different readings of him as aro-spec!

Gray-Aro or Demiromantic Magnus who rarely falls for people to begin with. Why would it be some tragic heroic sacrifice to remain "chaste" and wait for Julia, when not being into romance is just Magnus's default state of being? He's so confused about why people think he's making some tragic sacrifice! So confused, guys! I even wrote a fic about the gray-aro HC a few months ago (link)!

Gray-Aro or Demi Magnus who thought he was just aromantic, no attraction whatsoever, for over a century — until he met Julia, and fell for her (perhaps very, very slowly). But that doesn't change those years gaining perspective as a platonically, familialy loving aro who values those bonds immensely, and always wanted them to remain a prominent part of his life.

Losing Julia devastates him, of course it does — but especially once he remembers the Stolen Century, he knows he has a long-term support system no matter what, and it won't revolve around chasing that unlikely possibility of feeling romantic love again. Why would it? Why would he need to chase something so fickle just to heal?

Aromantic Magnus who feels no romantic attraction, but in the era of Raven's Roost, doesn't not want a romantic relationship. Except, he doesn't after all. Except wait, he kinda does, it's just complicated. Maybe something queerplatonic? Well, he really likes the idea of a wedding, and that's not necessarily mutually exclusive with a QPR, but there's no guarantee his partner would feel that way too, and...

There's just these expectations that go with dating or marriage, of partners expecting him to love them in such a specific way that he knows he can't... and then he meets Julia, who's a romance-seeking aromantic too, with heavily overlapping feelings. Bonding over their similarities leads to dating, and eventually marrying, over a deep platonic love that may or may not still involve cuddles or kisses, or a desire to start a family. They don't panic too much over the labels — they're just so delighted to be with someone on the same wavelength!

When Julia dies, so much goes through Magnus's head. After a while, he can't help but start thinking again about how rare it is for people to want the same things out of a relationship that he does. Or to consider the way he feels for them to be enough. But as time passes, Magnus comes to terms with it more and more. He's happy to wait for Julia again. After all, he's longing, but not lonely. Mourning, but not incomplete.

Aromantic Magnus who is aromantic specifically because of his trauma, but no less aromantic for it. He just can't bear the thought of getting into a relationship again. Ironically, there's a point in time where he thought of himself as a romantic — back while he and Julia were courting each other — that now feels simultaneously so close and so distant. Magnus who has so much to grieve, and grieves this romantic side of him too — at first. Who thinks that there's only two options, for a folk hero in a story like his — settling down to live happily ever after, or dying in battle. And if there's nothing more upsetting, more uncomfortable, than getting married again — then living happily ever after has got to be off the table, right?

Magnus who slowly realizes that doesn't have to be the case. That no, barring seeing Julia again, he certainly doesn't have reason to believe that even time will change this new, alienating part of him — but maybe, it's not so alien after all. Maybe he knows people who won't even question it. Maybe he doesn't have to change it or overcome it to be happy again.

Why is romance some singular thing he has to chase, in order to settle down peacefully again? Why can't he do it with his friends? With his dogs?

And last, Questioning Magnus who might be aro, who might not be aro, and is maybe most likely to be something in between. But it's hard to tell; he's honestly not sure if he'll ever crack it, and.. ultimately, he's okay with that. Because all that matters to him is knowing he doesn't need a relationship to be complete, to take full advantage of his well-earned happy ending — and he's got a great grasp on that one, surrounded by people who never make him doubt it.

Aromantic Magnus Burnsides. Aro-Spec Magnus Burnsides. My aromantically beloved. Thanks, bud, for all the hope when I needed it.

[astral-mariner]

Vegebul headcanons: Vegeta fell for Bulma first

So lots of ppl in fanfic often write Bulma falling for Vegeta first. I see it the other way around.

The ship explodes while he's training, and he suddenly has all this downtime he never had while serving under Freeza. They've had surface-level conversations before, gotten at each other's throats over alien-human misunderstandings as well as serious moral and/or experiential differences. But while he's recovering, he gets a bit stir-crazy and just...finds himself around Bulma rather often, and they actually start to get to know each other.

Bulma finds him dark and mysterious---fascinating to her in an almost scientific way because he's so like a human but so different at the same time. She admires his tenacity; though he would never characterize himself as a victim, she knows he's faced grief and hardship, and carrying on with such clarity of purpose anyway is heartening in a way. Meanwhile, Vegeta just doesn't understand why this woman insists on talking to him, making sure he takes care of himself... He can understand her providing gear and housing---she and her friends need him for the upcoming battle. But the interest, openness, and basic kindness she displays baffles him, especially when he is a sworn enemy of Kakarot's. With Nappa and Raditz things were always complicated. So many roles and expectations with him being their prince. But with this Earth woman, there are no expectations at all. So he doesn't know what to do with her.

He won't let himself think of her as beautiful even if his eyes linger on her. He has just seen so few women like her. Certainly, he's never spent so much time with one either. Always on his way to a new planet. No real friends or consistency of any kind. That's not to say he regards her as a friend. Of course not. He tells himself that she's useful. She has resources, power. And she pursues her own ends with intensity and fearlessness---saiyan qualities he understands.

And then she's in his thoughts day and night. He thinks of her scent or her voice when he's trying to train, when he's lying awake and can't sleep. That sparkle in her eyes when he challenges her, but it doesn't shake her in the slightest. Her laugh, her little touches. He's head over heels for her long before they have sex, but he has no context for feelings like that. He just feels like he's losing his mind.

And it scares the shit out of him. How can he focus on transforming and defeating the one who took his birthright and Freeza's death from him when this woman is just fucking haunting him? He doesn't even know it's romantic attraction. He won't even accept that he's sexually attracted even though his body reacts to hers however fiercely he avoids looking at or touching her.

Meanwhile, Bulma has just broken up with Yamcha. She's not really in a place where she's thinking about a new relationship. She might want to have some fun here and there now that she's single, sure, but she's much more focused on the arrival of the Androids. Especially since she knows how hard her future self worked to warn everyone and give them a chance to have a different outcome than she did. And Vegeta is a powerful asset to have on her side. As much of a jerk as he can be, he works tirelessly to prepare himself for the battle, and helping him become stronger may make a difference in their survival.

Sure, it tickles her scientist brain to have an alien living on her property she can ask about space and otherworldly tech whenever she wants. And Vegeta himself has a fascinating (if dark and disturbing) personal history. He's not what she expects in some ways. Proud, and yet also very reserved and even shy. Aggressive and intense, but at the same time thoughtful, introspective, and so dedicated to his calling that she realizes it's a spiritual thing for him, perhaps even religious.

She finds herself enjoying his company even when she knows that she shouldn't. He's not exactly a true ally. He's not a good person. But he's just so...interesting. And he's more attractive than he seems to realize. She indulges a fantasy or two of what he might be like in bed. But it's not serious. She knows she shouldn't. It would never work out. It would be so fucking complicated and fraught for everyone involved. There's no way an alien man would have the same (or even compatible) ideas about relationships or sex. Even if Vegeta did, he'd never fucking tolerate having a frank conversation about it. He's really kind of a prude.

And yet...they spend more time with each other, and the tension between them just builds. Over months and months, it builds slowly but surely. And one day, it just fucking breaks. One evening, they end up closer than usual. Touching each other, and it gets really intense really fast. No time to really discuss where things are going or what anything means---they just need each other in that moment. And it works out. Somehow. It's almost too easy. Despite all the cultural differences. They have sex, and it feels...good.

For Vegeta, sexuality had previously always been something tainted with negativity. What's the point of having a drive for sex, after all, when you're the last of your kind, and fleeting pleasures are hardly more than distractions? But with Bulma, everything just felt so fucking right and good. Like finally getting to experience all the things he'd always wondered about and longed for even if he never admitted it to himself. Things he thought were impossible. Having sex in a situation where he had a real choice in the matter. With a woman when he had spent his whole life having to accept the fact that no saiyan women had survived. On top of everything, not only does he want her---desperately---but she wants him in return. How she squirms when he touches her, how her scent changes, how she trembles and whimpers when he gets to do all the things he never let himself want before.

It just completely and utterly unravels him, and he can't get enough of her. He thought that, just maybe, if he gave in and slept with her, she wouldn't fucking haunt him anymore, but it just gets fucking worse. He needs her like water. Like if he doesn't get to be in her presence and touch her, he will just fucking lose it even more than he already has. And it fucking terrifies him. He's only ever wanted one thing: to transform and make things right after Freeza destroyed everything. But now he's preoccupied, and he can't handle it. He doesn't know what to do. What any of it means. What he really wants out of any of it. And he has no idea what she wants either. Only that however many times he tries to stay away from her, they always end up tangled up again. He couldn't even tell her how he feels even if he wanted to because he's so clueless about what's happening to him.

Meanwhile Bulma is just absolutely floored by how intense everything is from the beginning. She wonders if it's a saiyan thing, or if he's just intense like that himself. She doesn't know what Vegeta's full history with sex is, but she knows it's complicated. All she knows is that he kisses her like it's his last day on Earth. That he fucks her like he couldn't resist her if he tried (and he does try). And she can't help but ride that high. She brings this mysterious, strong, and austere man to his knees, and her power over him is intoxicating. She knows she shouldn't play around with someone so dangerous even if she's convinced he'll become an ally eventually. She knows that most of her friends wouldn't approve. It's not like she wants to DATE Vegeta. But gods...his desperation, the way he almost worships her, how wild and even frightening he can be---she can't help but indulge herself at least a little bit even if it's against her better judgment. It's not serious, after all. It's not like Vegeta of all people would even want to be some kind of partner to her anyway. He just wants sex (right?), and that's all she wants too. So she proposes a friends-with-benefits situation that they are determined to keep on the down-low.

Vegeta's head is just spinning at all of this. He still doesn't fucking know what to do with her. He can't have an attachment to her---especially not now when his sole focus needs to be transforming---but imagining his life without her is just... So he just lets her call it whatever she pleases, as long as no one else is involved and no one else knows about it. The weakness all the more glaring and real if other people know about it. He can tell himself he is just having sex with her so he can stay focused on training. Nothing more than that. Certainly not.

Over the course of it, Vegeta's feelings for her just intensify. If he was head over heels before they had sex, the more time they spend and the more intimate they become, he only falls more madly in love with her. And while Bulma tells herself that feelings aren't really involved for her beyond the friendship she develops with him, she has little pangs of romantic longing that hit her out of nowhere from time to time. Almost hard not to when the sex is the way that it is. She wonders sometimes if he has feelings for her. Real feelings. But he just couldn't, right? She's just being a silly hopeless romantic like she was when she was younger, and she's over that. He's an alien with a tortured past, and he's not boyfriend material, and she's fine with that. That's not what she wants anyway. Certainly not right now with the end of the world around the corner.

We all know how things go down after this, though, don't we?

But yeah. I headcanon Vegeta falls first and harder, whereas Bulma falls gradually after they become involved. Bulma has experienced good relationships before, and she wasn't looking for a romance with Vegeta in the wake of her breakup. Vegeta, on the other hand, hasn't experienced romantic love or sexual attraction where things weren't fucked up and fraught in some way before. So his "relationship" (re: passionate affair) with Bulma means so much more to him even if he couldn't articulate it. It completely blows him away, but he doesn't have the context or emotional insight to make sense of it. So he just panics, lol.

[usssnarfblat]

Ladies and gentlemen, I present the courageous heroes who will save America and Gaza...

The "Progressives" Who Won't Do Anything!

We are progressives 

Who don't do anything 

We stay home and we

Refuse to vote!

And if you ask us 

To do anything 

Well just tell you...

...We're abstaining

Well I wouldn't vote for Hillary 

Cuz she was problematic 

And I couldn't vote for Biden

Cuz that geezer's hit the wall

And I won't accept an ally

If we disagree on anything 

And I'm not voting for Harris in the fall...!

Cuz we're "progressives"

Who won't do anything 

We just like to act

Righteous online 

And when minorities 

Beg us to do something 

We'll just tell them...

...We're "protesting!" 

Yeah I love to harp on Gaza

But the fact that Trump would make the war

A hundred times more bloody 

Doesn't factor in at all!

I don't care about the outcome 

I just like some moral hand washing 

I'm fine if Trump takes over in the fall! 

Cuz we're progressives

Who won't do anything 

We'll vote "third party"

Or not at all 

And when Trump says ...

"Let Israel finish the job!"

We'll just tell you...

"But Harris supports Israel!"

Adult Who Does Their Research: "And Palestine! She wants to rebuild Gaza and get the Palestinians a free state! Can you imagine the waves that would send through that part of the world, if a WOMAN president was the one to help the Palestinians? The affect that could have on Afghanistan? Iran?

She can't magically end the war, but she cares about the Palestinians one hell of a lot more than the Islamophobic narcissist does!

And not to sound cold, but the war in Gaza is just a drop in the bucket of terrible things going on in the world that Trump can make a LOT worse! Not to mention everything here at home! Have you been following *any* other news?"

Look, I'm sad that Ro was overturned 

The middle class is shrinking 

And I do remember kids in cages at the boarder wall

And I want to help the homeless 

And I care about transgender rights

Just not enough to vote for them this fall! 

Cuz we're Progressives 

Who don't do anything 

We just preach and fap

And b*tch online 

And if you beg us 

To please do something 

We'll just tell you 

We're not choo-oosing!

Using violent insurrection

To overturn the election 

And all of the other blatant fascist writing on the wall

Doesn't bother me the slightest 

Cuz I slept through Modern History...

Adult Who Does Their Research: You guys are putrid. 

....And we're happy to let Trump back in this faaall! 

Are you an "activist" who takes action? Or just a dressed-up vegetable?

[ahlaway]

Okay, but real talk, if Tubbo goes Federation informant for real / hard manipulation, the other islander's will be at fault.

Hear me out:

From the beginning there has been this like. Really unfair view on Tubbo. His chat is scolded for metagaming (as it should be) but he's also talked down to a lot for not just accepting things.

He won't just accept they're trapped because the older islanders say they've tried and failed. He won't just trust islanders who've been trustworthy in the past (ex Bad) who are no longer acting trustworthy. He's trying the same methods other people have tried because he wasn't there for it.

Any nerfs happen? That's Tubbos fault. Never mind that they were bound to nerf create the moment another big create member joined because how they were using it to break puzzles instead of doing the puzzles.

People are constantly picking and blaming him for things and then saying his suspicious because the federation doesn't do anything about him. Despite the fact that the federation does not give that boy a moment of peace, and have not since he arrived.

Meanwhile people like Bad and Pierre have only just begun to experience the horrors, despite how long they've been breaking the rules and causing trouble.

Then you look at interactions he's had and BOI. From his POV alone I wouldn't blame him if he didn't trust any of these people.

(mandatory this is only referring to RP characters.)

Tubbo is an adult. However, he is BARELY and adult, and that is something that is important to note, and I don't mine saying with his "i'm minor coded" joke. Like, as someone approaching 30 I can't imagine interacting with a 19 year old the same way I would someone near my age. So keep that in mind for my thinking going forward.

He's pulled from the ice and a few days later he's approached by a crazy bear with a gun and the power of create that tells him he HAS to do a task. One that will betray someone he's made friends with and an egg. He tries to refuse and the bear starts shooting.

So he does it, thinking he has no choice.

Then two men, who are like, MVP, highly respected, defenders of the island, tell him he should have just died. In fact, he was selfish for not dying on that hill, and that the father of that egg is going to be FURIOUS with him.

To the point that Tubbo is freaking out when Fit catches him trying to fix what he had to break for his task, and make things right.

Is it any wonder he thought he was capital D dead when he "lost" one of these men's eggs?

Now jump cut.

Boy is pressured by men into spinning a wheel that, lets be honest, probably only had bad outcomes, and then is told it's his fault. HE killed the eggs.

Which leads to local teen burning in lava in a breakdown.

And don't even get me started on the drama that was two men who live in a different zip code losing their minds because local teen does yard renovations.

One of which being someone said teen is convinced kidnapped someone, and has tried to gaslight him about it.

Like, outside of the morning crew, Fred is kind of the best relationship Tubbo's got going for him at the moment.