#I wish that instead of forcing myself I do things that hurt my body as a child I just threw a fit and didn't do things

[havegaysex]

I hate being such a traumatized person.

It feels sometimes like all I ever think about is how I want a do-over so that I don't make it the same mistakes and I can protect myself from so much pain.

[bvidzsoo]

Who am I?

Author: bvidzsoo

Warnings: mentions of a gun, cursing, smut

Pairing: Jeong Yunho x female reader

Word count: 14,2k

Summary: Going through the dark passageway late in the night really wasn't your greatest idea, but the angels were on lookout that night and sent Jeong Yunho as your savior. But what happens when you realize Jeong Yunho isn't at all what he seems to be?

A/N: Uh...hi? This piece here really shouldn't exist, like the way I wrote it was so against the routine I have when doing stories, I'm even shocked it became real. It also was supposed to be a mere longer drabble but oh well, I suck at writing short stories either way. Also, Jeong Yunho is a constant in my mind lately so...ig it was inevitable that I write something with him. *sigh* There's smut in here and ugh...yeah, I tried again lol. Leave feedback, I very much appreciate it and stay tuned for the next chapter of the rockstar!au Mingi story! Enjoy now and tell me your thoughts!

⟨Masterlist⟩

            It really was my fault; I should have been smarter before turning down the dimly lit passageway between the two tall buildings. But the path towards my flat was shorter this way, and I was in a hurry, desperate to finally get home after a long and busy day. The streets were quiet as night had settled upon the otherwise lively city and as I exhaled through my mouth, a little puff of smog appeared in the chilly air. My hands slipped deeper into the pockets of my black bomber jacket as I nuzzled my nose more into it, the tip of it unmistakably red. Winter struck upon us quite unexpectedly and the hope that we still had a few more days of sunshine and as little warmth as the sun could offer came crushing down when the wind picked up two days ago and snow started falling immediately. And what was even worse is that the temperatures dropped so low that everything had frozen over by now and it was slipper; in the past ten minutes I have almost fallen on my bum at least three times. But the little scare got my heart pumping faster, and I wasn’t feeling as cold as I was supposed to despite the layers of clothing adorning my body.

There was a light shuffle behind me, that was the first thing which caught my attention, and then suddenly, the dark figure standing a few feet ahead close to the wall, as if they were facing it, was the second thing to alarm me. My heart leaped slightly as my hands balled up into fists in my pockets, but I quickly tried to calm myself down. Not all men were evil and not all men wanted to hurt women, and I wasn’t even sure it was a man standing up front. My legs carried me faster and I gulped when the person whipped their head around to look at me. My hunch was right, it was a man, and he had a bloodied lip as I took in his face while still approaching. I quickly averted my eyes and quickened my pace, hoping that if I ignored him, he would ignore me as well. I had nothing on me if he decided to attack me, I could only hope my fists were good enough and I wouldn’t break my fingers if I was forced to use brute force. I only would have had to take three more steps to be past the man, but he suddenly jumped in front of me and I came to a halt as he squared me up. I tried not to let him see the fear I was feeling pulsing through my body as I clenched my jaw as my body lightly trembled from the adrenaline coursing through my bloodstream.

“Hey there, bunny.” My eyebrows furrowed at his raw voice, almost as if it was hard for him to speak as a disgusting smirk painted his lips. I suddenly wished I had taken the longer way, walked on the main road instead of this shortcut. When the man realized I wouldn’t say anything back, he tsked, “Are you shy, little bunny?”

Nicknames were annoying in a normal scenario and it was only making my skin crawl right now, but I remained silent, gripping the keys of my flat’s front door which I had in my left pocket. One wrong move from the man, and I wouldn’t hesitate to stab him with it.

“Why are you not answering me?” His voice got rougher and he took a wobbly step towards me, and without much thought, I whirled around with the purpose of walking back the way I have come, but another man was blocking my path. He looked lanky and was hunched over as his lips pulled into a scary sneer. I was cornered. My hands started trembling more as I took a deep breath, trying to think level headed, but my mind was clouded with panic as I searched for an escape route without much success. Before I could even react, the man with the busted lip approached me from behind and as I turned to be able to see him, his rough hand made contact with my left shoulder. I quickly yanked myself away and slightly crashed into the concrete wall of the building behind me.

“Don’t touch me!” I managed to snap out with a shaky voice, yet it sounded rough. It certainly didn’t match the way I was feeling, scared absolutely shitless.

“Is my little bunny scared?” If I wasn’t so scared I probably would’ve seen red at his claim over me, and it only made it worse as the other man chuckled. My eyes snapped towards him before quickly looking back at the other man when I realized he tried to grab at me again.

“I said, don’t touch me!” I shrieked and went to push him backwards, breathing irregularly as I was full on shaking, on the verge of a break down. But if I started crying I would look helpless, which I was, and I probably wouldn’t be able to see anything, so I willed myself to blink away the tears quickly.

“You little bitch, you wanna play rough?” The man spat as he had stumbled backwards from my push and I shrunk against the wall when the taller one suddenly started approaching, a hungry stare in his eyes. My lips started trembling and I went to yank out my keys and lunge at the taller one, but a very amused chuckle halted everyone’s actions. All I could think about was a third man coming to do vile things to me and at the thought, a few tears rolled down my cheeks, but I quickly wiped at them when I saw the battered-up man smirking in my direction at my distress.

“I thought I beat your sorry ass into unconsciousness.” At the hear of the third person’s voice, the battered-up man suddenly froze and his eyes widened as the taller one took a step back, leaving just enough space for me to run away, “What are you still doing out here?”

The battered-up one cursed under his breath before putting on a fake smile as he whirled around, facing the third man. I was too scared to look, shaking, as I pondered whether it was the distraction I needed to run away, “I was just playing with my little bunny, you should go on your way—”

“She doesn’t look like she wants to play with you, Siwon.” The third man snapped and my eyebrows furrowed at the familiarity of his tone. It resembled someone’s I knew from my university, but I remained unmoving as the tall man slowly backed away, “And you, Nikhun, I thought I said I didn’t want to see you around here, anymore…”

“I was just passing by.” The taller one, Nikhun, stiffly said before he abruptly turned around and took off almost in a run as the familiar voice just chuckled. My muscles slightly relaxed as I realized I could now just run back the way I had come, and moving slowly, I started heading just that way.

“I know I said I wasn’t going to kill you, Siwon,” The familiar sounding man tsked as I continued slowly walking with my back pressed up against the building’s cold wall, “But you’re really testing my patience lately.”

“Fuck you, man.” Siwon spat and I jumped when there was suddenly a loud crash and an exasperated scoff. I froze and didn’t dare breathe as I felt eyes on me. I didn’t know who was looking at me or what happened, I was scared to turn my head and look. I had to run. But as I pushed myself away from the wall, the familiar voice suddenly called out.

“It’s okay now, Y/N.” What—I whipped my head around and first took in the scene. Siwon, the battered-up man, was lying on the ground unconscious by the big trashcan. The loud bang must’ve been him. With wide eyes, I looked at the third man alarmed, and my jaw dropped as I stood staring at the familiar face of Jeong Yunho. Everyone knew him at university and everyone loved him. Jeong Yunho was like the sunshine. He was always smiling and laughing, cracking harmless jokes and hitting up a conversation effortlessly with anyone. He was kind and considerate, he always helped out anyone who needed help. He would carry your stuff if they were heavy and he’d walk you home if it was too late. He held the door open for anyone and he would make place for you at the Cafeteria if there were no more empty spots. The Jeong Yunho who was often found in the library with his nose buried in books, typing furiously on his laptop, and always turning in his assignments way before their deadline. He wore light colors and fluffy clothes, often paired with hilarious beanies and hats. But the guy standing a few feet away from me looked nothing like the Yunho I have taken glances at or heard stories about. Yunho and I weren’t friends, we were far from being acquittances even, but everyone knew him at our university and that included me. We were people from two very different universes and I had no idea how he knew my name. Yes, sure, we would cross paths in the library at times when I was in a rush as my deadline was a day or two away, and yes, I did almost spill my coffee on him once, but there was never a conversation involved or an exchange of names. Just a small, “Oh, my, God! I’m so sorry, that was a close call.”, and a “Don’t worry about it, you have great coordination, you stopped in time.” If I would have had great coordination, I wouldn’t have nearly ran into him, but I didn’t have the time to tell him that as I was late to work.

“Yun—Yunho?” I stuttered out finally once I was one hundred percent convinced it was Jeong Yunho. The dimly lit passageway made it harder to see his face from where I was standing and his clothes were unrecognizable, but it was his voice which confirmed his identity.

“Jeong Yunho in person.” He chuckled and I finally pulled myself together and slowly started approaching him. My legs were slightly shaky and I was still clutching my keys tightly in my left hand, but my heartbeat was slowly calming down. I passed by Siwon and took a peek against my better judgement, eyes widening when I saw the little trickle of red from the side of his head. Was he…going to die?

I looked up as I came to a stop a few steps away from Yunho and exhaled, coming face to face with a very unfamiliar looking Jeong Yunho. Despite the cold weather he was wearing a black leather jacket over what seemed to be a long-sleeved form fitting blouse with graphic design on it, and wide black jeans hugged his legs with the blouse tucked in, showing off his waist. His neck was decorated with various necklaces and as he extended one hand towards me, I noticed all the rings on his long fingers. I gulped as I looked back up at him, slightly intimidated and mostly confused. His black hair was completely pushed back and the usual fluffiness was gone from it.

“Come, you’re safe now.” Yunho encouraged me with his usual warm smile, but it didn’t reach his eyes. My eyebrows furrowed as I reluctantly extended my hand and placed it in his palm, gasping when he yanked me forward, making me jump over Siwon’s slumped body. Yunho smirked as I somehow managed not to fall against his chest, big eyes staring up at him in shock, “Good thing I was passing by, angel, or else these two…”

He didn’t finish his sentence and he didn’t have to; I knew. I gulped and became aware of the awfully obvious height difference between the two of us and scrambled to pull my hand out of his, but Yunho’s grip suddenly tightened and he stepped closer, making me tip my head back as I tried looking in his eyes. My heart was racing once again and I could feel a blush creep up onto my cheeks as Yunho’s eyes examined my face with a small smirk, “What are you doing out here so late at night?”

“I—” My mind blanched for a second as Yunho’s cold fingers intertwined with mine, “I had the evening shift today, I—I was just walking home.”

“It’s unsafe at this hour.” Yunho’s voice turned stern and I averted my eyes, suddenly embarrassed that I was getting scolded by him, “And especially through this neighborhood, Y/N. You should’ve stuck to the main road instead.”

“I know.” I grumbled under my breath and Yunho chuckled, his voice deep, and it only made me flush harder as I avoided eye contact.

“Let’s get you home.” He said quietly and I looked at him alarmed, extracting my hand from his as he started walking us towards the end of the passageway.

“I can walk on my own—” I said in a panic, not wanting Yunho to walk with me. I wasn’t even far away, I have taken this route so many times before, I was going to be fine now that those two men were gone, but Yunho’s tone definitely made me rethink my words as he spoke up.

“You are not walking on your own, especially around here.” Yunho’s voice was sharp and he threw me a quick glare as he looked behind, at me, “Do you not know anything about this place?”

I shrugged and pushed my hands into my pockets again, “I do, but it’s not that big of a deal. I always walk home at this time and nothing has ever happened. I just had bad luck tonight.”

“Bad luck, you say.” Yunho scoffed, face contorted into disgust, “The things those two would’ve done to you would have been terrible, Y/N, and you call it bad luck?”

“Okay, fine.” I snapped and walked up to his side, giving him a wide-eyed stare, “Walk me home then, but this is fucking weird. How do you even know my name?”

Yunho’s eyebrows furrowed and his sharp stare made me gulp as I shrunk back, walking a little further away from him, “We go to the same university.”

“I’m not popular.” I deadpanned and Yunho shrugged, looking ahead as his jaw clenched and unclenched.

“You once scribbled in a book from the library and I was at the front desk when the librarian lost it. She rambled on about you for a good fifteen minutes before I was finally allowed to rent the book I wanted.” I cleared my throat in embarrassment, remembering well what the next day looked like when I walked inside the library. I have skipped going there for the next two months from shame as the librarian had screamed at me for ten minutes without even as much as taking a breath.

“Whatever, it’s still weird.” I muttered and nuzzled my nose behind the neckline of my jacket, regretting now that I haven’t worn a scarf. Yunho just chuckled and cast me a side glance as his longs legs carried him around faster than my shorter ones; it almost felt like I was jogging next to him. He must’ve been cold with how few clothing items he was wearing. I couldn’t help but let my eyes wander towards him as I took in his appearance again, deciding that this version of Yunho was intimidating and quite…hot. His bright persona was certainly eye catching but this felt different, alluring almost.

“It’s not weird,” Yunho said with a chuckle, lips pulling into an amused smile, “I’m just observant.”

I hummed, but didn’t look at him as I asked my next question while we crossed the road, “What are you doing here, anyway?”

Yunho chuckled again, but it was lower and as we looked at each other briefly, there was a dark glint in his beautiful chocolate brown eyes, mischief written all over his face, “Wouldn’t you like to know?”

I rolled my eyes and quickened my pace, just wanting to get home already. I was tired and cold.

“Do you have the evening shift often?” He asked after a minute of silence.

“Wouldn’t you like to know?” I fired back and Yunho laughed, head tilting back slightly, “Don’t expect me to give you an answer when you evade mine with a question.”

“You didn’t look like you’d be this feisty, angel.” My steps halted as I stared at Yunho incredulously, eyes slightly widening in offense. What did he mean by that?

“I’m tired.” I called out since Yunho hadn’t stopped walking and now I had to jog to catch up with his long strides, “And you’re walking too fast.”

“My apologies.” Yunho suddenly slowed down and looked at me with a big smile, the first time he looked like the Yunho I knew from university, “Sometimes I forget not everyone has long legs like mine.”

“Yeah,” I rolled my eyes, “I wonder how’s the weather up there.”

Yunho suddenly laughed, pressing a palm against his lips as it was loud, “I haven’t heard that one in long.”

I just hummed and cast another glance at him, confused of our whole conversation and the situation we were in. To be fair, I was grateful for him, of course I was, but the shock still hadn’t worn off and I was still slightly thrown off by his demeanor and change of personality…and looks. We continued walking in silence, steps hurried as the wind started blowing harder and all I could think about was Yunho being cold and getting sick because of his choice of clothing. However, the quiet didn’t last for long around us as we heard approaching footsteps, it sounded like they were running towards us. Yunho and I looked back at the same time and I failed to notice the way his expression hardened and jaw set. Before I could react, a heavy arm was draped around my shoulders and I was pulled into a sturdy body, warmth wrapping around myself and a masculine scent. I looked up at Yunho flabbergasted before watching the running man again as he came to a stop a few feet away from us.

“Hey, Yunho—” He panted as he leaned forward, resting his hands on his knees, “Finally found you, man.”

Yunho said nothing as he watched the guy, strengthening his grip against my shoulder when I tried to move away. My eyebrows furrowed as I struggled for a bit more, until Yunho clicked his tongue and I looked up at him, feeling his gaze on me already. His eyes were sharp and dark and I gulped as I looked away, stilling in his grip when he looked back at the younger looking guy, “What do you want?”

His voice sounded nothing like the friendly person I have been just talking to, it was ice cold and it made me shiver.

“Yeah, uh,” The guy glanced at me reluctantly, “Cheol wants the money. Soon.”

Yunho scoffed and rolled his eyes as I looked at him curiously, wondering where this conversation was going, “I thought I have made myself clear already, Chan.”

“Hey, don’t shoot the messenger, alright?” The shorter guy scoffed and stood up straight, his eyes hardening as he looked at Yunho now with a slight glare, “You’ve been avoiding us for months now, Cheol is getting fed up…so is everyone else.”

“And I have a reason for that,” Yunho snapped, anger coating his voice, “which you all know of. If you want my money, do your fucking end of the deal for once.”

“Was the merch not good enough last time?” Chan raised an eyebrow. These two were acting like I wasn’t even there, so I tried to get out of Yunho’s grip again, but instead, he gripped my nape and roughly pushed my head into his chest, making me gasp. I clutched against the collar of his leather jacket and tried to pull away, but Yunho’s strength was immense, so, instead my cheek was mushed against his firm chest, his musky cologne invading my senses and making my head slightly dizzy.

“If it were good, you would’ve seen the money by now.” Yunho’s voice held no emotions and I watched as best as I could from my position as he reached with his right hand behind himself, moving at what looked like lightning speed to me, but with my vision obscured I wasn’t able to see what was in his hand, “Go back to Cheol and tell him to get his fucking act together before I take action.”

“Asshole.” I heard this Chan guy snap and then an unsettling silence followed. I bit my lower lip and wondered what was going on, and it didn’t take long to find out as he spoke up soon again, “Got yourself a shiny new toy?”

“She’s a person, not a toy, Chan. And she’s not mine.” Yunho’s voice was rough and my breath halted for a second as I felt Yunho’s fingers twitch against my skin. I moved my head slightly to look up at him and caught the quick glance he sent down at me. It was dark and emotionless, yet it held a clear warning that I needed to stay quiet. My heart skipped a beat involuntarily.

“You better claim her then, before Cheol gets his hands on her—”

“Get lost, right now.” I have never heard such a threatening tone from anyone before, and my blood froze over at the anger and sneer in Yunho’s voice as he grabbed onto the back of my head tightly, making me freeze as I heard the click of something. Was…was he holding a gun? I gasped quietly as my fingers dug harder into the fabric of Yunho’s jacket and I heard the Chan guy cackle before his footsteps stared fading away. Yunho, however, didn’t move and I was too scared to do so as I realized I had started shaking. Suddenly, my head was being pulled back by Yunho’s hand on my nape and we made eye contact as he looked down at me menacingly.

“Not a word to anyone.” I exhaled shakily and frantically nodded my head as I dared to take a glance at his other hand, which, to my horror, held a black gun. My blood ran cold as Yunho released me at the same time as he put his gun away, behind himself, probably in the belt of his jeans, “Let’s go.”

And the rest of the walk was silent and hurried as I almost ran to finally get home, confused and scared and needing a shit ton of answers to the questions swirling in my head, which Yunho was probably unwilling to give. I valued my life above all, and therefore I remained silent, besides, the anger oozing off of him was enough to shut me up despite my sparkling curiosity. Who the hell was Jeong Yunho?

            The next day I did everything in me to forget about last night’s endeavors and about Jeong Yunho. I could act like nothing happened, like it was all just a dream. And everything was going well, until…until Yunho and I crossed paths in our university’s hallway. Well, we didn’t actually cross paths, but we saw each other briefly as I was walking with my best friend to class and Yunho was headed towards the stairs, the two of us on the two opposite ends of the long hallway. My friend was talking about the book she was currently reading and I would hum or nod along to her words, letting her know that I was paying attention despite being silent as we walked, my hands gripping the straps of my backpack. I nodded in agreement at her characterization of a character we both enjoyed from the book, when I finally looked ahead and my mind blanked. It certainly did feel like last night was a fever dream as Yunho stood on the other end of the hallway, black hair falling in soft curls against his forehead with his rainbow-colored sweater hanging loosely around his frame, big hands disappearing in the sleeves of it. His jeans were a faded grey and he was laughing as he talked to someone, eyes disappearing and cheeks puffed out. He looked nothing like the guy from last night and it gave me whiplash as his menacing and threatening eyes flashed before my eyes just as Yunho suddenly looked ahead, his eyes finding mine, looking at me with the warmest gaze anyone could muster up. I realized I was gaping, but I couldn’t help it when my brain convinced me that Jeong Yunho from right now and Jeong Yunho from last night weren’t the same person.

“Are you staring at Yunho right now?” My best friend’s voice finally snapped me out of my staring and I looked at her with the same wide eyes.

“I—yeah, but—” I needed to get it together, “That’s not Jeong Yunho.”

“Uh,” My friend looked at me like I had grown another head, “then who is he?”

“I don’t know, but—” I let out a long huff, eyebrows furrowing as I looked back at Yunho, “but that’s not the same guy from last night, I’m telling you.”

I could see the confusion on my friend’s face as she looked towards Yunho, crossing her arms in front of her chest, “He looks like—Yunho. I mean, what are we even talking about right now? Did you hit your head or something?”

“Stop it.” I snapped at her and pushed at her shoulder in frustration, making my friend glare at me, “He must have two personalities or something.”

“That’s not a very nice thing to say about someone, Y/N.” My friend chastised me and I groaned in frustration. Of course she wouldn’t understand. She wasn’t there. She didn’t see the Yunho I have. Coming to think of it…I don’t think anyone had from around here, seeing as everyone was flocking towards him and acting so freely with him. His laughter carried down the hallway and it was soft, his cheeks slightly rosy as a girl leaned too close to him and he averted his gaze shyly. He was void of all the accessories he had been wearing last night and his clothes were what I was used to seeing him wear on a daily basis. He kept shifting from one foot to another as a guy threw his arm around Yunho’s shoulders as the two giggled about something, Yunho covering his mouth before whispering something to him back with a cheeky smile. The image of him holding a gun suddenly flashed behind my eyes and I jumped, sucking in a sharp breath of air. My friend looked at me like I was crazy and I averted my eyes from Yunho, looking at her like I have seen a ghost.

“There’s something very wrong with that guy, I’m telling you.” I muttered as I grabbed her wrist and pulled her in the opposite direction, scared of facing Yunho after his weird personality shifts.

“You sound super crazy right now, bestie.” I rolled my eyes and huffed as my best friend taunted, cackling when she saw the discontentment on my face.

            And the days passed just like that. Jeong Yunho, wearing every existing bright color, avoiding eye contact when he felt shy and hiding behind his hand when he laughed a little too hard. His cheeks had a flush to them constantly and he would carefully arrange his wavy bangs against his forehead. It was confusing. I was becoming convinced with each passing day that what had happened that night was just a fever dream, and that it was so real that my mind decided to believe it. Perhaps I was lucid dreaming or something, it wouldn’t be the first time. Two weeks had gone by since my strange encounter with Yunho and I have finally come to terms with the fact that maybe what happened wasn’t even real. It couldn’t have been, not when Yunho didn’t even glance my way once. Not when he remained the bright and lovely popular boy and I…continued almost missing my deadlines, which meant I was coped up in the library currently, searching for the book I needed without having much luck in finding it. I was too lazy to ask the librarian as I would need to descend the stairs, so I instead grew more and more frustrated as I stomped around between the bookcases. I was surely disturbing someone, but I didn’t care. Eyes set on the books, one title caught my attention and I stopped, hoping that it was the book I needed. It was at eye level and I pulled it back just enough to be able to see the cover and title of it. I felt like banging my head against the shelf when I realized it wasn’t the book I needed, and with a very loud sigh/groan, I pushed it back harshly, almost screaming when a human head was casually leaning against the bookshelf next to the book I had just examined. My heart beat like crazy as I gaped at Yunho, his warm eyes twinkling with amusement as his eyebrows were slightly furrowed. His baby pink shirt hugged his frame messily as the collar fell a little low, showing off the smooth skin of left shoulder, and his dark green cargo pants were an interesting choice to wear. Yeah, this was the Jeong Yunho I knew. Dressing quirky and looking almost like an oversized puppy as his lips were pushed into a pout. I couldn’t find any words to say so I just scrambled through my brain for something, pushing my hair behind my ears as Yunho continued staring. It was becoming too much, his gaze.

“What?” I managed to say, still at a loss and not knowing how I should approach him.

“Hi.” His lips suddenly pulled up into the brightest smile I had ever seen, and his eyes twinkled with so much warmth that I took a step back. I’m going crazy, aren’t I?

“Hi.” I willed myself to greet him back, taking another step back as Yunho took one towards me, smile still on his face. He didn’t say anything else as he proceeded to come closer and closer, making me chuckle nervously as I continued putting distance between the two of us, not for long though. My back soon ran into the bookshelf and I internally whined as it cut into my back sharply. Yunho came closer, caging me in between the bookshelf and his body, making my heart somersault as I looked up at him confused, but intrigued. He was still smiling, still looking as friendly as ever, still the bright and well-liked guy from our university. Suddenly, his arms raised and were placed on each side of my head, slightly above. Yunho went and leaned down a bit, crooking an eyebrow as my eyes widened and body shrunk against the hard shelf. His musky cologne wrapped around me once again, and the events of that night flashed before my eyes without a warning.

“What are you doing?!” I whispered, sounding panicked as Yunho looked almost confused by my reaction. Almost as if it didn’t make sense that I was reaction to him like this. But I had every reason to, I can’t be crazy.

“I’m looking for a book,” He said with a light tone, expression calm, “this is the medical section. You know I’m studying to become a doctor, right?”

“No.” My answer was instant; I had no idea what his major was. I only heard rumors about how great he is, not about what he does or studies here.

“Oh, now you know.” Yunho said surprised and looked above my head, grinning happily as he reached out. What the hell was happening?

“You’re majoring in architecture, right?” I nodded wordlessly, confused as to how he knew once again something about me. I never told him. Just like with my name.

“So, did the librarian tell you this too about me?” I asked, sounding a little accusatory, as I raised an eyebrow at Yunho. He chuckled and shook his head, looking down at me in amusement.

“Not quite, I figured it out when I saw you leaving class a good while ago.” Right. He saw me leaving class. Sure. My eyes narrowed at him and I licked my lips, about to slip away and go on my merry way as this whole interaction was weird and confusing, but as if Yunho read my mind, he stepped even closer, the front of our boots touching. I looked up at him alarmed, eyes widening as Yunho lowered one arm, holding a book.

“This is so weird,” I muttered to myself, feeling uncomfortable, “Is there something wrong with you?”

My question was quite offensive and I didn’t think it through before I said it out loud, but it didn’t seem to affect Yunho as he started giggling quietly, eyes becoming smaller as his cheeks flushed. How was this the same man from that night? Did he have a twin or something? Why would his name be Yunho too? Was he fucking around with me? Or did he just have multiple personalities?

“I don’t think there’s anything wrong with me, angel.” My body tensed at the nickname and I watched as Yunho composed himself, and yet, the Yunho suddenly caging me against the shelf wasn’t the same Yunho from just a second ago. The friendliness and warmth slipped from his face as his eyes slightly narrowed, darkening as a smirk appeared on his lips instead of the cute smile he directed at everyone. My heart started beating faster as he bit his lower lip, leaning down even more to be eye level with me, making my breath catch in my throat, “Do you think there’s something wrong with me?”

“Something very wrong.” I managed to whisper as Yunho chuckled darkly, the knuckles of his free hand suddenly grazing against my cheek. I flinched, but didn’t pull away as his eyes ran over my face. The way his wavy hair fell in his eyes made them look sharper. He oozed danger and my mind screamed at me to high tail it out of there, yet my feet remained planted.

“There’s nothing wrong with someone who has a colorful personality, angel,” Yunho’s deep voice rang through my ears as he leaned in to whisper in my left ear, goosebumps erupting on my skin, “Have you told anyone about our encounter from that night?”

I quickly shook my head no and Yunho smirked, pulling back and gripping my chin tightly, yanking me forward and knocking the wind out of my lungs, “Good girl, keep doing that. I’m afraid something might happen to you if you decide to blabber on about it to someone.”

I shuddered as his piercing gaze kept me locked in, a whisper barely passing between my lips, “Like what?”

The sinister look which crossed Yunho’s face felt like a punch to my gut and I suddenly remembered the gun he owned. He’d shoot me. He’d kill me. Of course he would, something told me he wouldn’t hesitate or think twice about it.

“I would have to punish you—” He bit his lower lip as he paused for a second, making me realize I started shaking, “And not in the way I would love to.”

“Fuck.” I muttered, gripping his wrist and lightly pushing against it. His words were meant to be threatening, and they were, I was shaking after all…but his words also did something to me as my stomach twisted and body shivered, eyes subsequentially falling onto his red and plush lips. Yunho’s smirk widened and he leaned so incredibly close that I could feel his breath hitting my lips, his skin seemingly flawless from up close. My fingers closed around his wrist tighter as my back melted into the bookshelf behind me.

“Let’s keep it our little secret for now, angel.” His thumb swept against the skin of my chin, my face flaming at the motion, “And I shall reward you if you’re a good girl.”

“How?” I whispered, looking into Yunho’s dark eyes.

“You shall wait and see.” He winked and before I could think more about his words, he was gone just as quickly as he had come. I was left blinking confused at nothing and struggling to breathe regularly as Yunho’s warm, and big, hand left my skin burning where he had touched. What have I indirectly gotten myself involved into?

            Things happened the same way like the first time after my strange encounter with Yunho in the library. He didn’t look my way, he didn’t acknowledge me, he didn’t speak to me for at least a good two weeks. It was weird, everything he was doing. I had so many unanswered questions, but I pushed them to the back of my mind and hoped that whatever weird thing going on between Yunho and I would stop for good now. I didn’t want to get tangled up in something which felt so unsure and dangerous. I still haven’t forgotten the gun Yunho owned nor the conversation between him and that Chan guy. Even a dumb person would’ve understood that there was something illegal, at least, going on between the two of them and I didn’t want to get involved. However, the radio silence didn’t last for long as it was another Thursday and I was closing up the small convenience store I was currently working at. I had the evening shift again; the clock was close to hitting midnight and it was snowing heavily outside. I sighed when I realized I would have to walk twenty minutes just to get home. There were no signs of snow half an hour ago, it came out of the blue and I watched as a group of teenagers ran past the convenience store laughing loudly and having a snowball fight. I couldn’t share their joy as I shrugged on my coat, the weather had been nice today, I thought it wouldn’t get cold and thus abandoned my thick winter jacket, which I came to regret now. I switched off the lights and braced myself for the cold as I pushed open the door and instantly shuddered. There was a freezing chill in the air and it clung to my body as I quickly tightened the scarf around my neck, at least I had half a mind to bring one with myself. I struggled for a few seconds with the lock, it's been acting up for a while now but the owner didn’t bother to fix it, until I heard a click and pushed against the door, making sure I have truly locked it. I whirled around to stalk off towards the bus stop, with little hope that the last bus hadn’t went by already. However, I was quickly forced to stop by the sight in front of me. Yunho, painfully underdressed for the current weather, stood leaning against a black massive car. It was an SUV, a very expensive looking one.

“Evening, angel.” My jaw shouldn’t have almost hit the pavement, but I couldn’t help but gape at him. What was he doing here? Why was he here? Was that his car? How? Was he rich? Now that I come to think of it, I have no idea what Yunho does outside of university or the type of family he comes from. The sudden realization of knowing exactly nothing about him besides the persona he paints himself as was startling as a sly grin crossed Yunho’s features. It made my stomach flip.

“What are you doing?” I managed to ask, reluctantly walking closer to him. Yunho pushed his hands inside the pockets of his leather jacket, which looked thicker than the one he wore on the night he had to save me from those two creeps. His jeans were ripped and black and a very tight, form fitting, white shirt clung onto his well-defined body. With a black baseball cap over his wavy hair he looked extremely handsome underneath the street light, I had to stop myself from letting my eyes wander all over his body once again.

“Saw how hard it started to snow,” Yunho spoke up casually, smirking when I stopped a few feet away from him, “Figured you might just take the shortcut again, so, I’m here to pick you up.”

“No, you’re not.” My answer rushed through my lips instantly and I looked at him startled, slightly taking a step back as Yunho pushed off his car, “I am perfectly capable of walking home and besides—I might still catch the last bus.”

“It went by while you were still locking up, angel, just accept my offer and stop being so stubborn.” Yunho sounded slightly irritated as he walked closer, head lowered so that I was able to see his eyes from this angle. They were narrowed and I gulped, realizing that he wasn’t playing nice nor would act goofy like at university, this was the weird and intimidating version of Yunho.

“Excuse me if I’m hesitant in accepting your offer, Yunho,” I snapped, slightly fed up with the constant whiplash this guy was giving me, “But I have no actual idea who you are and so far you’ve been acting like a stalker. You know my name, you know my major, you randomly show up when I’m in trouble and then you walk me home despite my complaints. You proceed to act completely different than the guy I’m used to seeing at university and you have strange conversations with weird people who are threatening you and are calling me yours like I’m simply just a piece to be put on display and you—you have a gun! And you’ve threatened someone with it. So, yeah, I don’t exactly want to get in your car for you to—drive me home? Or kill me. Or do something else to me.”

“If I wanted to do something to you or harm you I would’ve already done so, Y/N, I had plenty of chances for that.” My jaw hung open once again at Yunho’s instant reply, heart hammering at his admission. Is this seriously the only thing he’s taken from my rant? Which felt good to finally get off my chest, but it seemed to make no difference as Yunho shook his head lightly and suddenly invaded my personal space, taking me completely off-guard, “Who I am at university and who I am outside of it might seem like two completely different people to you, but it’s me. I’m not always happy, and goofy, and I’m not always in a good mood. I just don’t like showing the real me around people.”

“I am people, so what’s different?” I scoffed, glaring up at him, “We don’t even know each other so I don’t understand why you feel the need to drop your act around me.”

“Would you prefer me acting all fake, then?” Yunho’s tone was harsh and his face read displeasure as I allowed my eyes to soak in his expression. Would I prefer that? It was the Yunho I was accustomed to, but would I like that?

“I don’t know,” I managed to mutter out, averting my eyes when Yunho’s dark gaze became too much, “I guess I’m just used to that version of you and this—feels weird, perhaps scary.”

Yunho suddenly sighed and his shoulders slightly dropped as he looked up at the sky, his smooth skin glinting under the streetlamp, “I’m sorry if I scared you, that wasn’t my intention.”

I chewed on my bottom lip as Yunho looked at me again, our gazes connecting. He was sincere, his eyes were shinning with honesty and an almost innocent like gleam, just like the one I was used to seeing. I hummed wordlessly and looked away, feeling slightly more at ease in his presence. He just sighed quietly and I heard shuffling before I felt the weight of a big hand pressing against the top of my head. I looked up at Yunho wide eyed as he started patting my hair, almost as if he was flicking something out of it. The snowflakes, probably. My cheeks flamed at his action.

“Will you let me drive you home, then?” Yunho asked again, voice softer this time and features relaxed, “I don’t want you walking around late at night and in this weather.”

“Alright,” I gave in, clearing my throat as Yunho suddenly grinned widely, “But you should be worried more about yourself, you’re barely wearing anything.”

It made Yunho chuckle as he headed for the passenger seat’s side and opened the door for me. I muttered a small thank you as I carefully slid inside.

“I’m rarely ever cold.” Yunho said with a cheeky wink before closing the door and jogging around to the driver’s side. I allowed myself a quick check-out of the car, eyes widening when I saw the emblem on the wheel. I was sitting inside a Maserati Levante. Just how did Yunho afford this car? The seats were of black leather and it was definitely heated as I felt my body warm up quickly as the engine has been left on. Yunho grinned as he slid inside and quickly buckled his seatbelt, reminding me to do the same as he put on the blinker, signaling that he would drive off now. The car slowly started rolling, pulling away from the store as I gazed out the window, feeling slightly awkward that I was now enclosed in such a small space with Yunho. I took a quick peek at him and watched him gripping the steering wheel lazily, hair framing his face as tonight it wasn’t as wavy as usually. His eyes were set on the road and he licked his lips before glancing at me, making me quickly look back outside the window, hating the way my cheeks instantly flushed. And as we drove by the bus stop, my eyes widened when I spotted the bus which would’ve taken me home.

“You said the bus went by already!” I exclaimed and turned to look at Yunho slightly offended.

“Oh,” He hummed but by the smugness coating his face I knew he had lied on purpose, “my bad, thought I had seen your bus.”

I scoffed and shook my head, melting into the warm seat as I glared ahead, ignoring the fluttering feeling of butterflies in my stomach at the thought that Yunho only lied because he wanted to drive me home. Perhaps he wasn’t so awful at all times.

            Despite me feeling like Yunho brushed over my outburst that night, he seemed to change a bit. He started gradually approaching me at university and even hung out with me during our shared lunch breaks. He also started stopping by the convenience store whenever he had free time and I soon came to know that he lived just a few blocks away from it. Which was a surprise because I have been assuming he lived in some fancy rich neighborhood due to the car he was driving. Nobody really seemed to question our suddenly blooming friendship, although I felt like we still had a long way to go, and Yunho also stopped being so mysterious. He still didn’t answer all of my questions and often changed the subject when I asked about that first night, so I stopped asking about it after a while. I figured that I might get him to tell me at some point, and if not, I could always start asking around. People loved to gossip and maybe they would know something about this Chan guy who had called Yunho a few times while we were hanging out, but he always declined his calls. Tonight was supposed to be a chill night, but my best friend decided that she has had enough of staying at home every Friday and thus dragged us to a house party not far from our university. It was a half an hour walk away from my flat, so we opted to walk and just grab a cab on our way back. The house was large and packed with people as we made our way inside and I sighed at the sight of so many familiar faces. Almost everyone from our university was here and I realized I was tricked into coming to a party organized for our university specifically. My best friend just giggled as I have her a glare, already hating the fact that I had to stay here for hours and hours as she was in the mood to party. The only savior I found at the moment was alcohol, so the two of us made our way into the kitchen, both grabbing some beer from the fridge. Apparently, my best friend knew the host of the party and got us invited easily.

“I really needed this.” My best friend said as she threw her head back, downing half of her beer in one go. I raised my eyebrows at her as I sipped on mine casually.

“I can see that.” I chuckled and allowed my eyes to wander around the kitchen, taking in the faces. A few people above our grade were gathered around the sink, laughing about something and pointing at something. I wasn’t further interested, so I averted my eyes and noticed two friends of Yunho’s.  They were standing in the corner and laughing about something as the taller one had his phone out. My staring must’ve been insistent as he looked up and we made eye contact, a smile appearing on his lips. He smiled and waved as he called us over. Due to Yunho and I hanging out more often lately, he was quick to introduce me to his friend group. They were a nice bunch but a bit too energetic and happy for my liking. My best friend, however, was totally into their vibe and would beg me to hang out with them. It was fine, I knew she wanted to make some new friends and these guys were nice and…handsome.

“Hi!” Mingi was quick to greet us happily and I smiled at him, waving at Seonghwa as my best friend went and hugged him. The two seemed to click instantly, it was nice to see.

“Was it you who urged Sooyoung to come to this party?” I asked Mingi accusingly and he laughed as he looked down.

“It was actually her who gave us the idea of coming here tonight.” I hummed and threw a knowing look at my best friend as she didn’t bother focusing on Mingi and I, already wrapped up in a conversation with Seonghwa.

“I see, I should’ve known.” I chuckled and Mingi nodded while putting his phone away. It was a little unusual that these two were here without Yunho, but I didn’t question it. I knew he wasn’t a big fan of parties and besides, he didn’t tell me he would be coming. Therefore I didn’t expect to see him here.

“Did you finish your project?” I asked Mingi, remembering him complain about it two days ago. Mingi’s shoulder slumped and he started pouting as he stole my beer swiftly.

“Almost, I have to design the garden and then I’m done.” Mingi was a landscape architecture major and he was always busy with projects, barely out of the house if it wasn’t for Seonghwa and Yunho dragging him to places. He was quite dedicated to his work and it was admirable. Especially when I could barely find any inspiration to do my assignments. Whenever we shared a few of our classes I was amazed by his knowledge and drive to learn even more.

“That’s good, you’ve got this, Mingi.” I gave him an encouraging smile and he chuckled, looking at me knowingly.

“So, did you start your design?” I fake laughed and took a swing of my beer after taking it back from Mingi.

“You know me, I’ll do it two or three days before the deadline.”

“At this point I’m afraid you’ll fail.” Mingi’s eyebrows furrowed and I chuckled, shrugging.

“Don’t worry, I function best under pressure.” I saluted him mockingly and Mingi chuckled, soon our attention on Seonghwa as him and Sooyoung approached us.

“I really want to dance,” Seonghwa said, drunkenly gazing at Mingi, “Are you coming?”

Mingi just sighed but stood up, throwing an arm around Seonghwa’s shoulders, “Of course, I’m coming. Someone needs to make sure you don’t trip over your own legs.”

Sooyoung and I chuckled as we followed after the two boys despite me not being too fond of the idea. I didn’t feel like dancing tonight, but I didn’t want to leave Sooyoung alone, and besides, I could see it in Mingi’s eyes that he didn’t want to be alone with the two. Whatever was going on between them, which both were denying, was pretty obvious.

The music was loud in the bigger room compared to the kitchen and I looked around, realizing it must’ve been a sort of library hence the bookcases on both sides of the room were filled with books. My heart broke a bit for the books, I could only hope no one was stupid enough to damage them. Otherwise the room was cleared up and there was a table with a mixing console on it, the DJ standing behind it and playing trendy songs everyone seemed to enjoy. The bas thrummed against my chest and I downed my beer in one go before I pushed through the crowd, making way for myself and my friends. Somewhere in the middle we found a good spot and formed a circle starting to dance.

I couldn’t tell how much time passed before I needed to use the restroom, but just as I went to tell Mingi I would be leaving for a few minutes, he leaned in to tell me that he needed some air. And so, after telling Seonghwa and Sooyoung where we were headed, Mingi and I took off hand in hand towards the exit. We agreed on meeting in the kitchen in around ten minutes before heading back to our friends, and so we parted, going on our way. The bathroom was in the far back of the house and I was thankful as the music didn’t reach here, I could finally hear my thoughts. The air was gradually better too compared to the suffocating heath in the library like room. Thankfully, I didn’t have to wait long to make it inside the bathroom and I was quick in doing my business, washing my hands thoroughly before splashing some cold water on my face, tapping it against my flaming skin. Perhaps I should join Mingi outside for a second before grabbing another drink. I huffed and smoothed down the top of my hair, baby hairs all over the place, before I unlocked the door and left the quiet bathroom. The hallways had no lights but it was fine as the living room was well lit up and it poured out here too. There was a staircase leading upstairs, but it was barricaded off and I knew not to go upstairs even if I wanted to. Just as I went to walk past the staircase, someone collided into my shoulder, knocking me slightly backwards. I gasped in surprise and looked back, surprised to see a slightly familiar face. The guy was younger, and he quickly apologized before a look of recognition crossed his features. Despite it being almost two months ago, I remembered his name. Chan. The guy Yunho threatened with a gun. I gulped and accepted his apology, about to walk off when he spoke up again.

“Don’t I know you?” He asked with narrowed eyes and I cursed silently, facing him again.

“Uh, barely.” I offered with a small smile and Chan hummed, eyebrows furrowing.

“Weren’t you with Yunho once?” So he remembered too, huh.

“Chan, right?” I raised an eyebrow and suddenly the guy was grinning and extending his hand towards me to shake.

“Knew it,” He said with a chuckle as I reluctantly shook his hand, “I don’t know your name though.”

“It’s Y/N.” I introduced myself and Chan smiled, his grip lingering for a second longer than necessary. It unsettled me as I cleared my throat and very obviously made to leave, but Chan seemed like he wanted to talk a little bit more.

“I had no idea you knew Jeonghan.” My eyebrows raised at the name and I thought for a second until I realized he was the host.

“I don’t, my best friend does though.” I explained and Chan hummed, a small smirk appearing on his lips.

“Now that I come to think of it,” He took a step forward and I willed myself to not move backwards, “Yunho never mentioned you again after that night.”

Oh, well…that didn’t feel nice to know. I thought we were sort of friends by now, but maybe Yunho needed more time. Our relationship dynamic was still weird and most of times I didn’t know where to put us, so maybe Yunho was feeling the same way. Or maybe there was something dangerous about this guy and Yunho just simply avoided talking about me in his presence. Our encounter that night felt almost fresh in my memories and I willed myself to not think about the gun pointed at this younger guy.

“He must have a reason, then.” I found myself answering with a cold smile, ready to excuse myself finally, “My friend is waiting for me—”

“Just because he doesn’t mention you doesn’t mean we don’t know about you, Y/N.” His sinister smile and cold tone sent a chill down my spine and my eyebrows furrowed as I looked at Chan, “Do you have a tattoo?”

That was a very random question, one that took me off guard as my eyebrows raised, “Uh, no, I—”

“What a pleasant sight, Lee Chan.” A sharp tone cut me off and I turned my head to see Yunho approaching us in all of his tall glory. His glare was sharp and body stiff as he came to a stop next to me, instantly pressing his warm palm against the small of my back. It made me straighten up slightly as I gazed at Yunho’s profile, surprised to see him here.

“Thought you weren’t coming, Yunho.” Chan said with a chuckle, eyes falling between the two of us and the non-existent space between our bodies as Yunho pressed up against me, his musky cologne invading my senses.

“Maybe you should check on your friend, Chan, he might be unable to walk for a week or two.” The dark smirk which crossed Yunho’s lips made me gulp, and I watched as Chan’s expression fell, suddenly it felt like we were back to that chilly night out on the street.

“You son of a bitch,” Chan hissed and marched up to Yunho, who didn’t even as a little as flinched, “What did you do to Hansol?”

“Nothing he won’t survive.” My eyebrows furrowed as I looked up at Yunho, who seemed to be unbothered by my piercing gaze. Chan hissed under his breath and with one lasting glare quickly stormed off, grabbing for his phone as he raced towards the front door. I released a breath I didn’t know I had been holding just as Yunho faced me, and I took in his attire in surprise. His black long-sleeved blouse was tight and was unclasped down to his chest, blank ink peeking through from underneath on his left pectoral. His outfit was completed by black leather pants and his black hair, which fell messily against his forehead. I was snapped out of my staring the second I felt Yunho caging me in against the railing of the staircase, big palm still pressing against the small of my back, eyes very slowly dragging up from his exposed milky chest to his chocolate warm brown eyes, which were narrowed and carried a hint of frustration.

“What did he want?” His voice was low and it brought a flush to my cheeks as I looked up at him, suddenly all too aware of the lack of space between us.

“Nothing much.” I muttered with a shrug, but Yunho didn’t seem to believe me as he lowered his head, eyes boring into mine. His gaze made my skin crawl and my fingers twitched as I placed my hands behind my back, doing everything in me I could to focus on his eyes and not on his cherry red plush lips, which were too close to my face all of a sudden.

“Don’t lie to me.” His right knuckles grazed against the skin of my cheek and I gulped as something coiled in my stomach. Was I this transparent? He could read me so easily.

“He just asked if I have a tattoo or something.” I answered after a beat of silence and Yunho’s eyebrows slightly furrowed as I dared to peek at his chest again, the ink more visible because of his stance. The collar of his shirt fell lower and I could make out a thick line which went in a circle and the tip of a letter, perhaps A?

“And what did you say?” His forefinger was suddenly underneath my chin as he tipped my head back, pulling my eyes away from his chest. I blushed furiously because of the amusement in Yunho’s eyes and the wide smirk on his lips, I was caught staring. His voice was low and breathy and I bit my lower lip for a second, trying to ignore his proximity and scent as his head seemed to be even closer to mine right now.

“No—nothing,” I exhaled and licked my lips, “you got here when I was answering him.”

“Good girl.” My legs shouldn’t have almost given out at his praise, but my mind wasn’t clear anymore. Yunho’s scent and proximity were intoxicating and I sure as hell wasn’t drunk from one beer, but everything about Yunho made me feel like it. I don’t know when it happened, but I couldn’t pull my eyes off Yunho whenever we were hanging out. And when we were at university, I was just like the others, flocking towards his bright and warm aura, desperate for his attention at times. When it was just the two of us, I yearned for his warmth and dangerous eyes, often breathless when his voice dropped to chastise me for something. When we hung out with our circle of close friends, I wanted his undivided attention on myself only. I had come to realize that Jeong Yunho was insanely good-looking and his mysterious aura was nothing but a little spark which made him even more irresistible.   

“Wanna get out of here?” I heard him asking once I was done daydreaming, “I know you don’t like parties.”

I nodded wordlessly and as Yunho slowly, without breaking eye contact, pulled away I almost chased after him, hands balling up into fists in order to prevent myself of doing something I might regret later. There wasn’t a label to our relationship, but friends certainly didn’t want to fuck each other, therefore I needed to keep myself in check and control my desires.

            After letting our friends know that Yunho and I would be leaving we got our jackets and went up to Yunho’s car. It was slightly dirty, which made me wonder where he had been as he had a habit of keeping his car crystal clean, even just a speck of dust made him wash it. The car ride was quicker than I expected as we flew through the quiet city, lights blurring at the speed Yunho was driving. He wasn’t a reckless driver, but it seemed like he was eager to get home. I couldn’t blame him, there was nothing better than the feeling of finally reaching home after a long and tiring day. I could imagine Yunho’s had been the same after he texted me in the morning that he had some business outside of the city and wouldn’t attend his classes, therefore we wouldn’t meet up. It was a surprise that he even made it to the party. It wasn’t the first time Yunho and I hung out in his apartment, but it was the first time I had come here so late and without a real purpose. Usually we huddled together to study, Yunho’s determination finally rubbing off on me to do to my assignments in time or when our friend group wanted to hang out and have a chill night.

After Yunho and I got settled, he went and grabbed a bottle of red wine, saying he needed it after the day he had. I didn’t complain as I watched him from the couch, body turned around and eyes running all over his frame. The clothes he wore did an amazing job at showing off his forms and I couldn’t help it but linger on his shoulders and waist as he had his back to me, grabbing around his counter while he had the wine in front of him. He popped it open without much struggle and then poured some red wine in two glasses, putting the bottle away. I watched as he turned around and leaned his hips against the counter, crossing one arm over his chest as he grabbed a glass and raised it to his lips, closing his eyes. He took a small sniff of the beverage before taking a long sip, letting out a content sigh. The image shouldn’t have made the hairs on my skin stand, yet all I could do was watch and gulp, mind blank until Yunho’s dark eyes snapped open and he smiled. It was mischievous as he spoke up.

“Won’t you get yours?” He pointed at the second glass and I hummed, wondering whether I should mix beer and wine, but it’s been a few hours since I last had beer. Besides, I was feeling fine. It shouldn’t do any damage. So, I pushed off the couch and approached him carefully, feeling fidgety under his sharp gaze. His eyes followed my every step as I stopped next to him and grabbed the glass, copying him. I sniffed it before I took a careful sip of it, the sweet taste exploding in my mouth. I hummed and took a bigger sip, appreciative of its taste. Yunho was smiling as he sipped his, and we remained standing like that as I tried to find anything to look at which wasn’t Yunho. The silence wasn’t uncomfortable, but it was getting too much and I felt like I needed to break it, so I spoke up, “You never told me you had a tattoo.”

Yunho eyebrows slightly raised, almost surprised that I knew, until he glanced down at himself and chuckled, “Ah, I forgot this blouse was low cut.”

“It’s not low cut,” I snickered, “You’re just wearing it like that.”

“Are you saying I should button up?” He asked with a playful smirk and I just smiled while shrugging. If he did that perhaps I would stop staring, but I wasn’t about to say that to him.

“So…does it mean anything?” I asked nonchalantly, having now an excuse to look at his exposed chest as Yunho glanced down too. He remained silent as he looked up, eyes searching my face for a few seconds before he lowered his glass on the counter.

“Not one you’re expecting to hear.” He said lowly and I raised an eyebrow as he suddenly stepped closer, looking down at me with a serious expression and darkening eyes, “Do you want to know?”

I gulped and busied myself with the glass I had in my hand as I looked down at it, pursing my lips in thought. I was trying to ignore the rapid beating of my heart but Yunho took away my only distraction as he took the glass from my hands and placed it on the counter next to his, now I was forced to look at him.

“I guess.” I muttered, hoping he couldn’t hear the shake of my voice. His scent was once again all around me and it was hard to focus on anything he was saying.

“But if I tell you…” He took a step forward, making me step back and collide into the counter, “and you tell anyone…”

My body tensed as he reached forward and pressed his thumb against my lower lip, eyes focused on my lips, “I will have to kill you, angel.”

I gulped as I shuddered, and Yunho lightly dragged my lower lip down, licking his lips as we looked at each other. His gaze was challenging and dark, lips about to break into a sneer as I was scared but intrigued, “I won’t tell anyone.”

“How can I know for sure?” Was he testing me? His voice dropped to an almost whisper and he cocked his head to the side, eyebrows raised almost mockingly, “You have a vengeful personality, who knows what you’ll blabber on about if I happen to hurt you.”

“Don’t hurt me then.” I snapped and Yunho chuckled, but there was nothing amusing about it.

“Are you reckless or simply dumb?” He was taunting me and I didn’t like it. I grabbed his wrist and glared at him, pulling his hand back and thumb off my lips.

“That’s some nerve coming from someone who was everywhere I went and knows everything about me without actually knowing me.” Yunho’s lips pulled up into an amused grin at the way I snapped at him, nose scrunched in annoyance.

“I’m in a gang,” He stepped impossibly close and placed both hands on the counter on both sides of body, “A very dangerous gang, the tattoo is to signify where I belong to.”

I gulped, slightly thrown off. I was expecting many reasons to answer the enigma around Yunho, but I didn’t exactly envision him being involved into gang activities or the mafia, even. Was he just simply not saying? Wouldn’t be the first time he lied to me.

“Why did Chan ask if I have a tattoo?” My voice was hard and I tried not to shake when I felt Yunho’s large hands gripping my waist. His hold was firm, like he was afraid I would run away.

“Because,” Yunho licked his lips as he lowered his head so I didn’t have to crane my neck up so high, “if you’re mine you have to get the tattoo as well.”

“But I’m not yours.” I quickly said as I tried to process everything and ignore the way Yunho’s grip tightened around my hips and jaw clenched, “And I don’t want to have a tattoo.”

“Then you won’t have one,” Yunho’s tongue peeked out as he liked his lips swiftly, his eyes glued onto my lips, “But you are mine, Y/N.”

Before I could ask him since when, Yunho closed the gap between us and pressed his plush lips against mine. I didn’t mean to flinch, but it was unexpected and rough as his hands on my waist pushed me up onto the counter, easing the height difference a little between us. I kissed back when I felt him about to pull back, probably thrown off by my lack of response, and Yunho was quick to smash his lips against mine with a fever, setting a hasty and messy rhythm as my head was tilted back and arms circled around his shoulders. It was everything I have envisioned and yet nothing like it. His lips were plush and warm yet rough and relentless as he bit at my lower lip, almost as if he was trying to inhale the whole of me. His scent was the only thing I could smell around us and my brain was fogged up as Yunho’s lean body pressed into mine, pushing me flushed against himself by placing his hand on my back. My legs parted wider, making more space for Yunho as one of my hands traveled towards his hair, gripping at the black wavy strands firmly. His warmth was overwhelming and it made me breathless as his large hand wrapped around my neck as if he needed something to hold onto. My lungs were screaming for air and I pulled back once it got too much, lightheaded as I leaned forward, teeth attaching against the soft skin of Yunho’s neck. His chest was falling and rising rapidly, just as breathless as I was feeling, the hand from my neck traveling to my nape as I pressed open mouthed kisses against his skin, lips trailing down to his collarbone. Yunho groaned when I bit lightly at it, teasing and licking, before I was pulled back and forcefully met with lips against my own. It didn’t take long for Yunho to push his tongue against my lips, asking for permission. I opened up without hesitation, letting him take the lead as his wet tongue licked against mine, humming, the vibrations traveling through my whole body as I pulled on the smaller strands of his hair. Yunho tasted like the red wine he just had, sweet and so intoxicating that I couldn’t get enough of him. His tongue explored my mouth as my hips bucked against him and I wasn’t surprised to find him just as affected as I was feeling. I could feel him through his leather pants and the friction was much needed against my throbbing core as I grinded against him once again, catching his lower lip between my teeth as he went to pull back. Yunho’s eyes were the darkest I had ever seen them and his cheeks were lightly flushed as he grabbed my nape firmly, jaw clenching and lips plump from the kissing.

“Bedroom, right now.” His voice was raspy and it sent a chill down my spine as I quickly clung onto him, legs firm around his waist as he walked us to his bedroom, large hands holding me up by my ass and allowing me to grind against him as Yunho groaned and nipped at my lower lip until we were standing in his dark bedroom. He carefully lowered me and onto the ground and I was quick to get rid of my jeans and shirt, helping Yunho in undoing the zipper of his leather pants as he had gotten rid of his blouse. I allowed myself to stare unabashedly at his body, taking in his lean but muscular form as he towered over me, stomach well defined and thighs thick. It was a sight worthy for drooling and I snapped out of it when Yunho started walking me backwards, not expecting me to palm him through his boxers. He sucked in a harsh breath and allowed me to feel him up and massage him before I was pushed down onto the bed by my shoulders. I scooted back before he crawled towards me and leaned down to press kisses against my neck and shoulder, tongue flattening against the flush skin of my collarbones before he sucked hard at a patch of skin, making me groan at the sting. His kisses didn’t stop there as he kissed down between my breasts, biting at the skin before he continued, all the way down to my stomach. I was panting and itching to grip onto his hair, but his face was in front of mine in an instant and he kissed me breathless once again. My nails dug into his back as my hands roamed over it, mapping every flaw of his skin, soaking in his warmth. Before I could register it, his fingers were ghosting over my thigh and slowly itching closer to my panties. I groaned into his mouth as he yanked them down, eyes opened as Yunho pulled back just slightly, hot breath hitting my face as one finger slowly slipped inside my wet hole. I gasped at the feeling and Yunho groaned, lips pressing against my cheek as he pushed himself up by one hand near my head. He slowly started thrusting it in and out, making my eyebrows furrow as he dragged the movement out, not waiting long to add another long finger. I grabbed his arm as my toes curled and hips lifted off the soft cover of the bed, trying to meet his lazy thrusts. They weren’t enough and they made my skin burn as my other hand tangled into his hair.

“Please, Yunho,” I whispered out, moan choked back as his thumb pressed against my clit, stomach coiling at the added sensation, “Faster.”

His teeth bit into the skin of my jaw, not hard enough to leave a bruise as he slightly picked up his pace, fingers curling against my walls and making my back arch off the bed as he rubbed harsher and faster against my clit, fingers thrusting in and out. A knot was forming in my stomach as more sound left my lips, sharp exhales and broken moans as Yunho’s fingers reached the spot which made my back arch off the bed, my own hips picking up its pace as I chased for an orgasm.

“Such a good girl,” Yunho rasped in my ear, making me moan as his finger grazed the spot again, “you were so patient for me.”

“Yunho.” Our eyes connected and I pulled his head closer by the hand I had tangled in his hair, “Please—”

“Not yet.” He bit my lower lip as his hand stilled, making me whine as my walls clenched down against his fingers, every nerve in my body burning. I tried to move my hips despite it, but Yunho’s fingers quickly were pulled out from where I needed him most and I watched helplessly as he sat back, the tent in his boxers obvious. He proceeded to pull my panties all the way down before getting rid of his own boxers, pumping himself as his head fell back. I watched with hungry eyes as his size came as no surprise, matching the massivity of his body. He reached over my head, holding a package as he opened it, putting on the condom before he hovered over my body. For a second he didn’t move and my skin tingled in anticipation as I reached my arms around his shoulders, pulling his hot body against mine, whispering in his ear.

“Yunho, just fuck me already.” I didn’t expect him to moan and before I could blink, his tip was at my entrance, slowly pushing in. My mouth opened as I clenched my eyes shut, surprised at the burn as he stretched me out more and more as he slid inside. He was bigger than anyone I was with before and I needed a moment to adjust to his size as Yunho pressed kisses all over my face, biting my earlobe.

“You can’t tell anyone.” He said lowly, and despite our predicament I heard the threat in his words.

“Which part?” I questioned despite knowing what he was talking about, hand trailing down his smooth back.

“The gang part.” Yunho clarified, as if I needed it, lightly thrusting up. I gasped and gripped his sides, walls clenching around him, making him groan.

“I won’t, I won’t, just—” My voice broke off as he did the same again, smirk on his lips, “Move, please, Yunho.”

“As you wish, angel.” He whispered in my ear before pulling out almost all the way and slamming back inside, making me gasp loudly as I didn’t expect it. Yunho’s smirk stayed glued to his lips as he did it again, ripping a loud whine from between my lips, nails digging into his skin as he set an excruciatingly slow rhythm. It did no good but rile me up and make me reach around for anything to hold onto as my body flamed, walls clenching more around him, desperate for more friction. But Yunho seemed to enjoy the desperate state I was in as he chuckled, and suddenly, I felt his big hands bringing mine together, pushed above my head as he pinned my wrists together and pushed them down harshly into the mattress. He suddenly was moving, getting up onto his knees and sitting back as his right hand slipped under my lower back, guiding me up, lower back hovering in the air. Yunho only paused for a small second, eyes connecting with mine before he moved, sharp and clear, pace nothing like the slow one previously. I moaned loudly as he started rocking his hips harshly, pace relentless and dick reaching deeper than before, making my hands ball up into fists as I couldn’t hold onto anything with Yunho pinning them above my head. It didn’t take long for Yunho to get vocal, cursing under his breath as his eyes were closed and he was biting his lower lip, pace picking up the louder my moans got. I couldn’t focus on anything else but the pleasure building up in my lower abdomen and the electricity coursing through my veins, mind wrapped up in the scent of Yunho, the feel of Yunho…Yunho.

“Yunho.” He was the only thing I could think about and at the desperation in my voice he got rougher, pistoning his hips at an unforgiving pace, making me cry out in pleasure as my hips thrusted up, chasing for an orgasm as I tried to meet Yunho’s frantic thrusts. He finally released my wrists and gripped my hips firmly with both hands as he helped me move against him, my head thrown back at the constant ripples of pleasure as my fingers tangled into the sheets above head and twisted hard, moans of Yunho’s name tumbling through my lips. He was panting loudly and whines left his lips as I could feel him throbbing and I knew he was close like I was.

“Fuck, Y/N, you feel so good.” He moaned out as my walls clenched down hard on his length, toes curling and mind completely fogged up with pleasure. The second his cold thumb started rubbing circles against my clit I saw stars and I came with a high-pitched moan of his name, Yunho’s hips stuttering before he guided my hips, riding out my orgasm just as he muttered a quiet fuck before he came too, groan low and guttural, movements never ceasing until it became too much and I whined, gripping his wrist in an attempt to ask him to stop as I haven’t managed to find my voice yet. Yunho groaned as his hips stuttered and slowly stopped, panting hard as he stared down at me. My eyes took him in before they stuck to the tattoo on his left pectoral. It was big. A big circle going around the letter A and cutting into it at the bottom. I shuddered as he slipped out and got off the bed, leaving my limp body on the bed to recover as my fingers tangled in my hair in an attempt to tame the wild strands. Yunho got rid of the used condom before he stood by the bed, towering over me. We stared at each other for a few seconds before he leaned down and tucked the covers away, effortlessly picking me up and slipping me underneath them. He got in next to me and pulled the soft covers over our bodies. I sighed in content at the warmth spreading over my naked body and nuzzled my nose into the pillow which smelled so much like Yunho. I felt him shift behind me before the front of his big body was pressed against my back, a hand coming around my body to hold me. I didn’t expect him to grip my neck firmly and push me back even more into himself as he slightly leaned over me. I was able to look at him from the corner of my eyes and I watched the menacing look on his face and the darkness in his chocolate brown eyes as he leaned close enough to be able to whisper.

“You don’t have to get a tattoo,” Despite his expression, his tone was soft, “but you’re mine and everyone else will know about it. I’ll make sure.”

I gulped as Yunho pressed a chaste kiss against my cheek before his long fingers slipped from my neck, making me realize I had been holding my breath. I released it shakily and felt him settle down behind me once again, nose pushing against my shoulder blade as his arm was firmly planted around my middle.

“Alright, let’s say I’m yours for now.” I found myself saying, but didn’t expect the chuckle from Yunho. I didn’t like being called nicknames nor being claimed like I was an object, but they didn’t sound so bad coming from Yunho’s mouth, they held no menace nor ulterior motives.

I didn’t know what this made us, but I knew I had one or two secrets to keep and that Yunho wasn’t letting me go nowhere from his sight.

⟨Part 2⟩

[propertyofhenrywinter]

Long live all the mountains we moved

Max Verstappen x driver!reader

Summary: the aftermath of a crash equals more hurt comfort (can be read as a second part to Long live the walls we crashed through, but also on its own. This ofc isn’t proofread)

WC: 3.2k

Max knew you would be cross with him is you knew he was blaming himself, but he just really felt the need to whelm in his self-pity for a while. For a second he justified this by thinking that you would feel the same if the roles where reversed. That thought however was soon discarded because he knew that if it had been him getting hurt on track you would’ve stood your ground firmer and insisted he’d get checked out. ‘It really is my fault,’ he thought. ‘It is my job to protect her. I should have listened to my gut.’

If max was honest with himself, he had realized something was wrong. He couldn’t exactly pinpoint what, but something in the way you had caried yourself while talking to the team and other drivers made him feel uneasy. By the time you had chatted with everyone who had wanted to see were okay with their own eyes none of them had thought to have a medic make sure you were completely fine. He didn’t understand their exact reasoning, maybe it had just slipped their mind or maybe they had genuinely believed you were fine, but he had thought about it almost immediately after he had let you go from his side, and he hadn’t stopped think about it while you had been driving away from the track. Now he wished he would’ve been more persistent about bringing you to a hospital, because he had known well enough that you weren’t fine, no matter how hard you had tried to convince him otherwise.

“I just want to go home, Max. Please.” You looked at him pleading and your voice sounded defeated. “I want to take a shower with you, just a shower,” a pointed look was added, “and then I want to cuddle up with you in bed while watching one of my comfort movies and eat ice cream right out the tub. And then fall asleep before the movie ends. And tomorrow we will do the same thing or maybe you could read a bit to me if I’m feeling to soar to do it myself,” she rattled off. “If your feeling soar you should see a doctor,” Max responded sharply, but he had known that the matter was settled and you two would do exactly as you had said.

Of course, it hadn’t gone as you planned. Max had already noticed you had looked worse when you got home than you had at the track, but he shrugged it off, thinking you were probably just tired, and your body need some rest after undergoing the G-forces it did during the crash. By the time you two had made your way to the bathroom he noticed you really weren’t walk normally. “Love,” he started soft, trying one last time to talk some sense into you. “No, please, Max,” you had sounded so breakable with your voice no louder than a whisper. It broke him to see you hurt, so he had let it go although he knew he shouldn’t have.

All hell broke lose when you had tried to take your shirt off. You had only wanted to lift your arm over your head before you had crumbled to the ground, letting out a blood-curdling scream. Max had been next to you in less than a second. He had been trying to figure out what was wrong precisely, but when he had noticed you were on the verge of unconsciousness he had just scooped you up in his arms and put you in his car to speed off to the hospital.

He had no regard for the traffic rules on his way, and although he had thought of calling an ambulance he had known that that would take way longer. While you were drifting in and out of consciousness he thought that he should talk to you. Tell you something encouraging maybe, but he just couldn't bring himself to open his mouth, afraid that any sound but the roaring of the engine and the struggle of your breath would make all of this too real.

When the hospital was less than two minutes away you awoke once again, but instead of the almost inaudible wail of pain he expected to hear again, this time you started coughing like crazy. Max had sworn his heart stopped when he saw you were coughing up blood.

The bright lights in the hospital made the contrast between the dark roads outside even more striking. In the car it had been quiet, just you and him. At the hospital it had been bustling with sounds and people, and you had been ripped out of his arms almost the second he walked trough the double swing doors. In a way he was sad he had reached the hospital, because as long as you were driving he could tell himself that he was doing what he could, while also having you at arm’s length next to him.

As soon as you were pried away by the emergency room staff members a doctor had started asking him more questions than he had believed could be necessary. He had answered them in a haze and before he good and well realized it the doctor had disappeared into the operation room where he had been told you also would be. That’s how he found himself sitting in a waiting area a nurse with dark skin, but light hair had brought him to. There he sat spiralling down in his own guilt.

He doesn’t know how long he sat there when the doctor who had asked him all those questions walked up to him. ‘How is she,’ he almost heard himself ask it, but he couldn’t’ bring himself to actually form the words, too afraid of what the answer might be. Before the silence reached a significant amount of time he heard the doctor. “Your partner will be alright, Mr. Verstappen. I assume her rib was fractured during the crash and when she tried to lift her arm a splinter moved and punctured her lung causing the worst of the damage she suffers. We fixed that during the operation. We also ran a full body x-ray and constated she also broke her left wrist and fibula and of course two of her ribs.” Max listened to the long list of injuries and despite the feeling of despair for your hurt he wondered just how stubborn you had to be not to get check by a medic, because he knew that all those breaks must have been hurting every time you moved. That was before the doctor saw the confusion in is eyes and added: ‘I also assume that an extreme amount of adrenaline was released right before and after the crash. That would explain why she hadn’t felt anything before her rib moved.” After that was clarified only one question rested him: “When can I see her?”

On his way to your room doctor questions, as Max had been calling him in his head, explained that you were still asleep and probably would be for the next hours, maybe even a full day, but that once you were awake and had done a couple of simple short test you would be allowed to go home quickly. “I don’t expect her to have to stay more than two full days,” he had concluded.

When he entered the room it felt like his long got puncture as well, seeing you so pale in bed with your foot and arm in a cast and a bag with clear liquid attached to your arm with an IV. He looked at the clock and saw it was almost morning. He wondered just how long it would take you to open your eyes, because he doesn’t want to wait a full day.

A nurse, an older woman with grey hair this time, came in to check your vitals and also informed Max that he was allowed to stay with you. Once she left he felt in his pocket to see if he had brought his phone with him. To his delight he had. He opened it so he could start informing everyone who needed to know, but the moment his screen lit up he could see he had a ton of missed calls and messages. It took him a while to figure out what was going on, but when he opened a text message from Charles it became clear. Turns out someone had seen him speeding down the streets to the hospital. Max felt a sliver of relieve when he saw your face wasn’t visible in any of the pictures of his car or when he was carrying you inside, but that didn’t change the fact it was disgusting people took and shared those pictures or that it was clear it was you. Some trashy news sites had even already wrote articles. He didn’t bother opening them. There was probably nothing true in them anyway.

He responded to Charles, explaining what had happened. Afterwards he simply copied and pasted that text and send it to everyone who he felt deserved to know. Almost exactly when he was finished his phone rang. It was Charles. Max contemplated picking up, but ultimately decided that since he would be stuck here for a while it couldn’t hurt to hear him out before he returned to the bottom of the mental ditch he had been digging himself in the waiting room.

If Max had thought the doctor had asked him a lot of questions, Charles must have simply impressed him by how long his list was. The Dutchman was tired mentally and physically, so he didn’t put up a fight answering him. Only when the questions were about how he was doing he resorted to one-word answers. Without giving Max a chance to protest, and he really wanted to protest, he had decided he was going to call the hospital to see when visiting hours were and come over as soon as he could.

He didn’t have to wait to long before the man who he had had on the phone only a few hours ago strode into the room as if he was coming to visit them to celebrate a birthday. Much to his dismay Charles seemed to have brought half of all the people he knew. “The more the merrier,” Charles had exclaimed a little to cheery. “It’s a hospital it’s not supposed to be ‘merry,’” Max growled.

He won’t ever admit it, but it helped that there were a lot of people around. Firstly, because that meant he could be mad at them instead of himself and secondly because it distracted him from your seemingly lifeless body in the bed, although you had regained a little colour since he first walked in. Out of everyone he might have been most grateful for George’s presence. He definitely didn’t think that would be the case, but because it was clear that he was blaming himself as well it gave Max the feeling there was someone who understood, even though only a little, what he was going through. They didn’t dare to look at each other the first half hour or so they were in the room together, but once they did see the looks on each other’s faces they grew compassionate towards the other and Max realized casting blame was stupid and so it became a little easier to forgive himself.

People left at various time and to Max’ surprise there were also people who came in, apparently Charles has informed the whole entire world about when and where they had to be to visit you. He wondered how so many people could fit inside such a tiny room and how the hospital even allowed this many visitors.

Considering max hadn’t slept for too long, something else you could berate him for once you woke up, he was pretty glad when visitor hours came to an end and the people in the hospital room started to make themselves scarce. Right when Charles was saying his goodbyes a thought crossed max’ mind. “Could you maybe go to our place and check if I closed the door properly? I left in such a rush, and I don’t remember pulling it shut,” he asked the Monegasque. “Yes, of course. I’ll text you, okay?” To which Max simply responded with a thank you, and for the first time since the hole roller-coaster of events took place he allowed himself to worry about other things than you. He hoped nobody broke in if he left the door open, but that was unlikely considering the whole building had strict security. He hated to admit is but what he actually had wanted to ask Charles was to check on his cats. You would be furious if anything had happened to them, and he really didn’t need anther reason added to the list of things he did that he knew would piss you off.

His eyes and mind returned to you, and he was thankful that you hadn’t woken up while all the people were there. He much rather had you open your eyes to only him and a calm, silent room. You had given a few signs you were closer to consciousness while your friends were here. Things like slightly moving a finger or a squint in an eyelid. He was pretty sure no one else noticed these things, probably because they simply weren’t playing attention to them. However, it had almost been 24 hours and you really should be waking up, which made him worry something was wrong. In the end his tiredness won from the worry, and he dosed off sitting in a position that would make his neck hurt more than the nastiest turns in F1 could under the highest possible G-forces.

He might have fallen asleep, but he wasn’t asleep deep, and so the quietest “Max” ever spoken is what woke him up. When he opened his eyes they were immediately staring into yours. “Hey,” he said as he moved closer to you, “you gave me quite the scare.” He put his hand on the side of your face and his thumb started stroking your cheek. “I’m sorry,” you murmured. “It’s all good now,” Max replied and before he could help himself he added: “I love you.” “I love you too.” The reply came natural to you. Sooner than he wanted the older nurse came back, and when she saw you were awake she went to get the doctor.

While you were out doing all sorts of tests and scans Max waited in your room. His phone screen lit up alerting him that someone texted him. ‘Door was open, but everything seems ok.’ Immediately a second message followed, ‘Also fed the cats theyre mad you guys left them I think.’ He had added a picture of the animals.

Once your bed was wheeled back into the room the doctor explained to you both how the next few weeks would look for you. It started with the endless list of check-ups you would have to go to and ended with the most dreadful news you had ever hurt. “No physical demanding activities for at least six weeks, so no sporting, don’t go long distances on foot and try to avoid stairs.” For the only time ever Max was glad about your bedridden state because he knew that you would have fought the doctor for keeping you from racing if you could. The look on your face however probably also made him wish he could crawl away into the nearest closet.

After this little briefing you were allowed to go home. You believed Max was happier about this than you were because Max had been there for almost two days. So had you but you couldn’t really remember anything between enter the bathroom and waking up at the hospital. “You shouldn’t blame yourself for whatever stupid reason you are,” you said to your boyfriend when you saw how tight he was clamping the steering wheel. “I’m no,” he responded, “I mean, I did at first, but not anymore.” “Good,” you sight, “than why are you driving like that?” you added with an over-the-top judgemental tone. “Like what,” he retorted fake offended. “Like that steering wheel is the root of all your problems.” He relaxed his hands “Not all of them but there probably are waiting some fines in our mailbox from our trip to the hospital.” You exaggerated a sigh “It’s a shame not everyone is as good a driver as I am.” Max gave you a side-eye. “you’re lucky that crash wasn’t your fault, because I would have held that over your head eventually.” You gasped “You brute.” But secretly you enjoyed that the topic didn’t weigh to heavy between you two. “Also,” Max continued, “remind me who was leading that race again before George so rudely interrupted it?” You supressed a giggle “Oh, I don’t pay attention to that sort of things. All people care about is who is first in the driver standings.”

 Suddenly it hit you; six weeks of no racing meant you would lose your first place, enormously diminishing your chances of winning your first championship. Max noticed the mood change and he could guess what this was about “Look there are only three races in those weeks, and the last one is even all the way at the end of your recovery period. We might convince the doctor to let you participate in that one if you recover well. The only way that’s going to happen is if you don’t spend to much time worrying that pretty head of yours and actually relax. Am I clear?” he looked at you while asking that. “Yes,” you said surely. “And also,” he continued, “it will make our fight for the title even more entertaining.” This time you really let out a giggle, which made you wince due to your soar ribs. “We are the Katniss and Peeta of the racing world.” You spoke. “Who?” Max asked. “Max, please say your joking,” you said, shocked by this discovery, “you don’t know the Hunger Games?” your moth almost hung agape. “Of course, I know of the Hunger Hames,” he said sharply, “I’ve just never watched it.” You decided this was unacceptable and you were going binge-watch all the movies when you were home, witch you were while you ended your scolding to your uneducated boyfriend who had been amused, but more relieved, by how lively you were acting. As you entered the elevator Max finally got a chance to speak. “If I remember correctly there was a showered planned before or movie in bed.” You hadn’t thought about it but suddenly you felt dirty. You hadn’t showered after the race which was two days ago. Suddenly you felt relieved there was no one else in the elevator to smell the odour you and Max, who you assumed also hadn’t showered, were spreading. “A shower is probably a good idea for both of us,” you concluded. Max looked at you and it was clear what he was thinking about. “No Max, remember no physical demanding activities for six weeks,” you laughed.

[ezziefae]

Thoughts on Chap. 3 of The Prisoner's Throne (SPOILERS)

hello readers, forgive me for the typos, there are so many things about this chapter that had me screaming. Enjoy my thoughts!!!

“I want—” he begins.

“No,” she tells him. “By the power of Grimsen’s bridle, get on your knees and be silent.”

Wren has to be one of the scariest characters ever written by holly black. 

Her mouth curves into a smile, but it isn’t a nice one. “By Grimsen, I command you to do exactly as I say from here forward. You will stay on your knees until I say otherwise.”

Oak should have left when he had the chance.

Nahhh! I knew since TSH that we were gonna see Wren use the bridle on Oak, but now that i'm READING THIS it's still INSANE that she's willingly using it to CONTROLL him fully, it makes me think of Jude and Cardan, and how Jude kind of sorta had control of Cardan, but only by Pledge. Jude also had a power to command Cardan whatever she wished him to do, but she never ordered him to do something like THIS. Wren seems to have no mercy on Oak. She could legit make him kill or hurt anyone, she could make him jump off a bridge or say anything. Kind of also reminds me of when Locke ordered the ghost to betray Jude and the court of shadows, and how the Ghost had no control over his actions, and how in TQON he asked Jude to kill him because he'd rather die than be controlled by anyone. Wren did not come to play. This is so scary!!!

He finds her fascinating. He’s always found her fascinating, but he is not foolish enough to tell her that. Especially not in this moment, when he is afraid of her.

Oak is literally being controlled and is bridled and these are his thoughts…he's so downbad that it could actually get him killed. 

“I am already bridled,” he says, feeling a little frantic. “You don’t need to lock me away. I can’t harm you unless you let me. I am entirely in your power. And when I did escape, I came directly to your side. Let me kneel at your feet in the throne room and gaze up adoringly at you.”

THE LAST LINE!! IM DYINGGG!! THIS MAN NEEDS TO STOPPPPPP, OH OAKKKKK YOURE SOOOOO DOWNN BADDDDD FOR WREN

“I have to occupy myself somehow,” he says. “When I am between moments of gazing adoringly, of course.”

I have no words…Not Oak trying to use his charm on her, like dude, i dont think thats gonna work.

The door opens, and Fernwaif comes in, a single guard behind her. Oak recognizes him as Bran, who occasionally sat at Madoc’s dinner table when Oak was a child. He looks horrified at the sight of the prince on his knees, wearing the livery of a guard beneath a stolen cloak.

I absolutely LOVE that we’re getting past memories of Oak when he was a child. It also helps the readers feel nostalgic from reading the folk of the air series. When Jude, Taryn, Vivi, Oak, Madoc, and Oriana lived in peace.I hope we get so many of these moments…even though i have to say this paragraph is a little sad, how Oak recognized the guard as one of his fathers friends..

“You don’t know me as well as you think, Greenbriar heir,” she says. “I remember your stories, like the one about how you used a glamour against your mortal sister and made her strike herself. How would you like to feel as she felt?” 

NOT HER USING THIS AGAINST HIM!!! Love how that moment keeps being brought up. (And i predict that Oak will apologize to Jude about it in this book)

“I’ll slap myself silly willingly, if you like,” he offers. “No need for a command.”

OAK STOPPP IM DEAD

“What if, instead, I force you onto your hands and knees to make a bench for me to sit upon?” Wren inquires lightly, but her eyes are alight with fury and something else, something darker. 

Wren.... I don't think that sounds like a punishment to him sweetie…

“Crawl to me.” Her eyes shine, fever bright.

GUYS ITS THE LINE!! THE LINEEE!! SHE SAYS THE LINEEE HOLY SHI-

Again, Oak’s body moves without his permission. He finds himself writhing across the floor, his stomach against the carpet. He flushes with shame.

SHES SO WRONG FOR THAT. SHE'S HUMILIATING HIMM! Not even Jude did these thing to Cardan *sobs* 

When he reaches her, he stares upward, rage in his eyes. He’s humiliated, and she’s barely begun. She was right when she said he didn’t understand what it would feel like. He hadn’t counted on the embarrassment, the fury at himself for not being able to resist the magic. He hadn’t counted on the fear of what she would do next.

This is actually very sad. Wren is treating him somewhat in a way that she had been treated. She's hurt, and I guess it's very understandable, I just wish she didn't have to inflict that pain on Oak. 

Oak cuts his gaze toward Bran, who has remained stiff and still, as though afraid to draw Wren’s attention. The prince wonders how far she would go if he were not present.

Two things!! Number one I literally FORGOT the guard  was still in the room and he had to WATCH oak crawl to her. Number two, That last line…..what kind of things would she has ordered Oak to do if the guard had not been in the room……(side eye) 

Wren turns to him. “Perhaps I ought to have you sent to the Great Hall tomorrow and command that you endure ten strikes of an ice whip. Most barely get through five.”

Oh my god, she really is EVIL DUDE. I've never seen this kind of evil in a holly black book. Now I'm scared. 

Oak looks directly into her eyes. “Why are you keeping me at all, Wren? Am I a hostage to be ransomed? A lover to be punished? A possession to be locked away?”

“That,” she says, bitterness in her voice, “is what I am trying to figure out myself.” She turns to the guards. “Take him back to his cell.”

OH IM VERY EXCITED TO SEE WHAT SHE'S PLANNING. Remember that Jude and Cardan are on their way to save Oak, if anything I believe Wren is somehow going to use Oak against elfhame. Maybe she’ll order him to hurt jude or cardan. THIS BOOK IS GOING TO END ME AGH I NEED IT NOWWW.

“Good night, Prince of Elfhame,” Wren says as he is led from the room. He manages a single glance back. Her gaze locks with his, and he can feel the frisson of something between them. Something that might well be terrible, but that he wants more of all the same.

I'm very curious to know how Oak is going to handle this mess. Like he's absolutely F*CKED. He's so down bad for Wren that he would do anything to stay by her side and protect her, YET he also wants to protect his family members who are on their way to save him and to kill wren. He cannot save BOTHHHH, meaning he will probably have to choose sides. Holly Black why are you torturing us!!!

 MARCH 5TH HURYYY UPPP!

49 more days till this book comes out. stay strong. 

[translucent-sun]

So much had changed in the time they were forced to be apart, so much hurt and trauma cast upon them. Neither of them had been ready to talk about all of it – or any of it, really. They´d mostly avoided talking about the war at all, not knowing what they could mention without triggering unpleasant memories in the other.

But tonight, Cody felt brave. They´d spent the early morning walking, wandering until they´d found a particularly high dune that would usually block the first seconds of sunrise from their view, were they watching from home. They climbed it, sitting high up in the desert, waiting for the suns to wake.

“You know, I never even dared to think too much about anything like this,” Cody admitted quietly, almost whispering. He had a faint smile playing on his lips, his eyes diverted to the ground.

“What, us being together? A somewhat normal life?” Obi-Wan turned his head, watching Cody intently.

“All of that, yes. But mostly just a life post war.” Cody raised his eyes to look into his, his smile now pained.

“When you´re created for war, to kill and die on command, what would you even do without it? I never really allowed myself to think about what would happen after – if I even lived that long. And now to get a life after the war, and a somewhat normal one, and at your side… Sometimes I think I´m still lying on that battlefield and this is all a dream.” Obi-Wan was still watching him, and his own words echoed in Cody's mind. It seemingly took Obi-Wan a moment before he was able to speak.

“I would´ve gotten you out of there. After the war, I mean. If they´d – if they´d planned on discarding you back then, I would have gotten you and as many of your brothers as I could out of there. I would have left the Order if I had to. We would have run.”

Cody chuckled at the thought. He knew Obi-Wan was being serious, and knowing him, he would´ve managed to somehow pull it off too.

But Obi-Wan continued. “Sometimes I do wish I had left the Order and we had just disappeared,” he mused, smiling sadly. “Going on a mission in a faraway system and just never return.”

“You know what they did to deserters,” Cody reminded him. “It would have been a life on the run. In hiding. I wouldn´t have wanted to be the reason for that. It´s bad enough that I´m part of the reason why you´re in exile now. Why your Order doesn´t even exist anymore.”

Obi-Wan flinched beside him, but didn´t speak. Instead, he looked at Cody, waiting for him to continue. There was something in his face, as though he had something to say on his own but wanted to hear what Cody had to say first.

Maybe being brave wasn´t such a good idea, Cody thought. He hadn´t meant to start a conversation like this – about this. He knew they´d have to talk about all of it eventually, otherwise the pain would never go away. But he felt he wasn´t ready.

But then, would he ever be ready? He decided now would be a time as good as any.

“When – when that order was called out, when –” Cody stopped, choking on his words. “The order wasn´t ‘kill the Jedi’ or anything like that, it didn´t have to be clear like that. I´m sure you know about the inhibitor chips by now.” He waited for Obi-Wan to nod. “The only thing Palpatine had to say was ‘execute Order 66’, and everyone suddenly knew what that meant. I ordered my men to– to shoot you down. Something in my mind was telling me to do it myself, but I couldn´t. I couldn´t bring myself to hurt you. I was so relieved when they didn´t find your body. That sliver of hope. But when no one afterwards reported that they found you again, I assumed you must be dead afterall. That I killed you. And then when you found me instead and stood in front of me –”

Cody swallowed, his eyes darting to the sky, fighting back tears. “It was like I was facing a ghost. I wished it wasn´t real, I wished you weren’t really there, because the second I saw you, I knew I was going to hurt you. And you– god, you stubborn idiot, why didn´t you fight back?” he huffed a laugh through his tears, but there was nothing amused about it.

Obi-Wan reached his hand out, laying it on Cody´s neck. “Because I knew it wasn´t you. I couldn´t hurt you for something you weren’t doing, could I?” he asked gently.

“I could´ve killed you,” Cody said in an exhale, his voice not more than a whisper.

Obi-Wan smiled just barely. “You couldn´t. And even if you had, I wouldn´t have blamed you.”

“But I would have blamed me. I am blaming me for what happened,” Cody whispered. “If my mind had been stronger, I–” But Obi-Wan interrupted him.

“You were controlled by a chip inside your brain. You are not to blame, for anything.”

“You have no idea what I´ve done. What– what I´ve–” Cody couldn´t finish his sentence. He didn´t even dare to think it.

Obi-Wan squeezed gently. “You know you can talk to me, if you want to.”

Cody huffed. “I want to tell you everything. But I´m afraid if I did you wouldn’t be able to look at me the same. I

couldn´t –” he paused, then continued, whispering. “I couldn´t live with that.”

Obi-Wan cocked his head, leaning forward until Cody was forced to look into his eyes. There was so much unshakable love in them. “I would never look at you differently than I do now.” Cody averted his eyes, not daring to look at him for too long, afraid he´d make him believe him.

“You don´t know what I´ve done –” His voice broke. Deep down, he did want to tell him everything, down to every bloody detail he could remember. If someone else was as disgusted with him as he was himself, maybe the voice inside him stopped lying to him, stopped telling him that it wasn´t his fault. Another part of him needed Obi-Wan to know and it not changing a single thing. It needed him to tell Obi-Wan everything and for him to love him through all of it, shutting off the part that told him it was all his fault.

Obi-Wan was watching him intently, not saying a word for a long moment. He didn´t have to.

“I´ve hurt, killed people. Good people, people who were fighting for the right thing,” Cody whispered, still not looking at Obi-Wan. When he finally spoke, he did so with greatest care, seemingly considering every word twice.

“I know,” Obi-Wan whispered, reaching out to take Cody´s hand in his. “I knew you would, and I know you did. And I don´t love you any less for it. I never stopped loving you.” Then, gentle but more intend, he added, “because it was out of your control.”

The tears that had started to rise in Cody´s eyes were starting to spill over, trickling down his cheeks. Obi-Wan carefully wiped them away. Cody finally looked at him, his eyes red and burning from trying to keep new ones from falling.

“I´m not sure I´ll ever be ready to talk about it,” he muttered. Obi-Wan brought his hand to Cody´s neck, his thumb stroking the skin there.

“It´s alright, we´ll get there when we get there. Until then, small steps like this are good.” He smiled gently, bringing their foreheads together. Cody nodded against it, closing his eyes, bringing his hand up to cup Obi-Wan´s where it was still resting against his neck.

“Obi-Wan?” Cody whispered after a moment, slowly pulling back. He received a questioning hum in return.

“You´re not ready to talk about what happened to you either, are you?” Obi-Wan exhaled, a sound that answered all of Cody´s questions. Cody huffed. This really wasn´t a funny situation, but something about Obi-Wan´s stubbornness had a frustrating humor to it.

“You´re so good at caring about other people, and you always hope they´ll be so busy being cared for that they forget to ask you about your own feelings. You´ve always been like this.” The words sounded harsh, but Cody´s face was gentle.

[squeiky]

The audacity of existence.

How dare you be concieved. To be blessed with the touch of angels, you golden haired goddess. How dare you force your reflection upon mine. The audacity to mirror me.

YOU.

I hate you. You are my purgatory, and hell resides within your dastardly light. You are the anthesis to my existance, my purpose, my life. Tormet me by image alone.

Do you know how much you have pained me? How much the mere sight of you, has distorted me? Ruined me? Hurt me? Questions your existance has plauged in my mind?

Look at you, my loathsome copy. You are nothing like me.

So then why?

Why does the universe kiss you gently upon a flushed cheek then heckle and spit on mine? Why are you the beloved golden duckling whilst i remain the unwanted black swan?

Why is it me who must rid myself of my body, blood, and mind. Discarding me of myself to end you? I have done nothing short of effort. I have given myself all to destroying you, to riding the world of you. Yet they love you. They do not love me.

We resemble eachother more than anyone else ever will. It is cruel a fate, to be devoted entirely to destroying a twisted reflection of myself. Burdened by both our images, drowning me in hatred made for both us. Yet you remain free, whilsy i remain prisioner.

It feels, as i seek to destroy you, i destroy myself. So i do. Over and over again. Yet you remain unscathed, bright and beautiful. Whilst i remain broken, left to rot in the mud. Helpless. Afraid. Alone.

Thinking.

What must i do? Who must i be to be kissed by the same light that dared to birth you?

Must i purge myself of all things to simply taste a fraction of it? How will i outshine you? Must I transform my body till there is nothing of me left, just to feel your light crushed beneath mine? Must i erase myself completly? Must i become you? Must i be you?  Must i place my hands against your neck? My lifeless material crushing your ugly flesh to finally hear the last of your breath. Must i feel everyones glare peirce through my unending spine, wishing nothing but breaking every metal bone instead of me?

Must i take their love and desire and rip it from their broken hearts, forcing them to kneel before me and drag your dead light upon me? Must i become king of all things, living, dead and unalive, before i get a fraction, a mere TASTE of your life?

Is that what the world desires of me?

Is THAT what it takes?

my loathsome copy. Your existance is what destroys me. You are everything without me but i am nothing without you.  Yet i am made to end you. To destroy the only thing, the only purpose i have in life.

You all look down upon me. Even my creator, cant seem to look at me without seeing you. Forever i am compared to you. Forever i think of only you. Forever i am destroyed by you. Forever i am devoted to destroying you. Forever i am afriad. Forever i am chained, cursed to this wretched body, reflecting you.

YOU.

I hate you. I loathe you.

....

What a cruel existance to be born, you and I.

I hope when i choke you death, you'll burn me alive.

[mediocre-shark-tales]

Fated by the Stars (12)

Straykids ot8 x Reader

Warnings - Mentions of Abuse, Mentions of Wounds/Injuries Traumatic Past, Violence, Swearing, and Mentions of Non-consensual Molesting.

Summary - Sang-Jun finds out you're taken will he stop pursuing you or what?

Masterlist

Finally the heat had broken, I had worried the boys when my heat lasted longer than it should have. They took me to the hospital at one point because it hadn't broken. When the doctor had learned of my past with heats, he soon understood what the problem was. "So based on all the information I am aware of, her natural heat stopped becoming natural. Basically it stopped all together as her first pack alpha forced it to stay on track with his ruts. Since she had gone so long with out the medication I believe her body finally got back into the natural flow of things. It is probably just bad timing, like her heat might have already been about to come on. However she got spiked which sped things up, but her body is not used to the medication anymore. So her heat still came like it planned but that coincided with her forced one. She should break the heat within the week, since we don't know when her natural heat started it's hard to give an exact date." With that the boys brought me back home, their emotions more calm with an expert opinion behind them.

Once it finally broke, they found me crying in my nest. All of them rushing to find out what was wrong. I shook my head when they asked if I was hurt. But instead I told them, "I feel soooo grossssss, I'm so uncomfortable, please help me wash up?" I made grabby hands at them all, waiting for someone to take my offer and help me with my needs. They all chuckled in some way as Chan and Hyunjin stepped forward. "We will give you a nice bath pup, we were about to wash up anyways." Hyunjin said while carrying me. Chan told the others to clean up the rest of the house, Minho and Felix would start dinner. He would ask me before I left the room if they could take down and wash the nest. Which I nodded to with the exception that they must re-scent their specific blanket, or fur once cleaned. They all eagerly agreed and went off to do their specific task while Chan, Hyunjin and I went to wash up together.

Ever since then we have had great day after great day. Even when they had to be gone for work, all was okay, cause we were mated for life. I could feel their emotions and they could fell mine. We were more sensitive to each other, able to find each other quicker. All was good, I finally felt really love, experiencing how an omega should be treated. It was so fantastic.

Today, I was brought to the mall by Seungmin and Changbin. They had the day off and when I asked if I could go to the mall alone they threw a fuss. We came to the agreement that they would take me and wait in the car so if they get anything bad happen then they could get to me quickly. I agreed as long as they didn't look in any of the bags when I returned to the car. I wanted to make them all something nice as a token to our completed bonding. I just loved giving them things.

Walking in the mall, I could feel myself adorning a large smile as I walked through different craft stores buying all the items I would need to complete my project. As I moved on to the next store for more supplies. I happily walked along the hallway, seeing cute couples and family's with kids walking past me. I smiled thinking about one day having a bunch of pups of my own. I wished to birth a kid for each one of my mates, making them happy to each have their own offspring.

However I soon stopped as that acidic smell entered my senses, in front of me stood both Sang-jun and Sang-Hee. I felt my blood run cold, as my body instinctively went numb. It was always better to hide your emotion than suffer the consequences of having the wrong emotion at the wrong time.

I saw them both staring at my shoulders. I had worn a pretty off the shoulder top with a pair of jean shorts. I wanted to show off all my perfectly healed mating marks. I had learned through social media that these were most like trophies in the omegan world. So I wore the perfect outfit to feel cute and show off my bond to my pack.

Yet when these two saw the marks, they were filled with overwhelming anger. Both of them stalked up to me menacingly. It's then that I could feel the anger and fear of my mates, no doubt they could feel my emotions run cold. I'm sure when my emotions had gone numb to them as well they all freaked out. This was good however, as it meant Changbin and Seungmin were running in for me. I just had to hold my ground for a bit.

"So you decided to mate to those worthless alpha's bitch?" I growled back at Sang-Hee. "Say what you want about me but don't speak filth of my pack." Sang-Jun growled at me. However I stood proud knowing my alpha and beta were coming. "It's doesn't matter how hard they hold onto you Omega. We will get you back, even if we have to slaughter that whole pack just to retrieve what is rightfully mine." Sang-Hee looked at Sang-Jun. "Ours you mean." Sang-Jun nodded. "Whatever"

A few years before my escape, Sang-hee had taken a liking to me after experiencing how I would act and submit to Sang-Jun. Thus they promised to share me. Though it was easy to tell Sang-Jun wasn't 100% happy with the outcome. But he knew that it meant two chances for a perfect alpha pup from me.

My confidence began to drop as they were able to pin me to a wall, I was stuck. Fuck. Sangjun had his had wrapped tightly around my throat. Just above the mating marks so all I could feel was pain and loss of breath. "I promise you with my life omega. I WILL get your ass back in my home. I will break every last sliver of hope you have. I will fuck you into my perfect submissive omega that you used to be, and you will give birth to our pups. You WILL be mine, one way or another. just you fucking wait bitch."

With that he let go and they both walked away, when they turned the corner never to be seen again. That's when Changbin and Seungmin finally found me. They first noticed my tears, then noticed the slowly purpling bruise around my throat. it was obviously a hand print and they knew exactly what had happened. They just didn't know who. I wiped my tears as I let myself go numb, forgetting they stood there as I walked away.

I was no longer mentally aware, I went into full autopilot. The boys tried to reach me but soon realized why my bond went radio silent. They allowed me to finish buying my things, carrying my bags for me. Soon I was back in the car, sitting behind them as Changbin drove and Seungmin tried to calm me by rubbing my leg from the front passenger seat.

When we got back home, I could hear Seungmin on the phone. It sounded like group call as multiple voices came through the other end. He talked about me, they were probably all freaking out as my bond was numb. Nothing came from me, I had regressed to the same state I had back in my old pack. Changbin followed with half the bags. We both sat them down in my small art studio, it was a small room they had emptied out and renovated for me. Once they were sat ready to be emptied, I instead walked back out of the room. Changbin following as he shut the door for me. He silently followed as I made my way back to my room. He watched from the doorway as I crawled onto my bed and laid down staring at the ceiling.

I heard him sigh as he allowed me time alone, probably hoping I would come back from the headspace on my own. Yet that is not what happened. As everyone arrived home only two hours later, they opened my bedroom door to find me sat on the bay window. There was enough space for all of us. I sat in the middle, legs tucked up against me as my head and arms rested comfortable onto of my knees. I stared off out the window on tot he beautiful forest horizon. My room had one of the best views as I could watch the sunset.

I could hear them enter the room behind me and slowly come closer. Until finally a few of them sat down on either side, all of the Betas were sat around me. The alphas stood behind me, unsure of how to help their omega.

Hyunjin pulled me into his arms, carrying me to my bed. He laid back against the headboard, leaning me against him. He was hugging me to him from behind as Jisung laid down against my front. Seungmin and Felix each took a side, hugging me together in a puddle. When that barely worked, the alphas began to join them. Each one finding a spot to drown me in the huge cuddle puddle. The first one to speak was Chan, as an idea came to his head.

"Omega is safe now, Pack is here to protect omega." Each one of them felt and saw a small subtle change in me. Almost as if I was beginning to relax into their hold. So everyone began to say different things. Some told me how good of an omega I was for them. Some told me they were here to protect me from all evil. A few explained how they would rip apart anyone that tried to hurt me again. Finally my numbness faded, and I was hit with a rocketing wave of fear, pain, and sadness. I began to cry loudly as they all cooed and tried to hold me tighter. I began to receive kisses, and other wiped my eyes. Some massaged my stiff limbs. But what stood out the most prominent to them was how horse my voice sounded, this is when they knew who ever had choked me definitely damaged my throat.

This sent the alphas into a frenzy as I was ripped from he betas by Jeongin. Changbin sandwiching me against mjeoning for behind as they all asked who had hurt me. It took a moment but I was able to calm down enough to say his name. "s-Sang-jun." It hurt to speak, and that helped me calm down more as it took precedence in my mind. Growls erupted into the room as the boys could only imagine what he must have done or said to me for this kind of reaction to happen.

Yet when they calmed down, they decided it was better to let me experience all their love tonight. The questions could be saved for tomorrow, for now I needed to be reminded of how much they loved and adored me. This was not only for myself, but also them. Most if not all had felt like they failed me, especially the two who were with me. They scolded themselves for not being fast enough with finding me. Only showing up to the aftermath of the event. They would make to make it up to you. Some how.

Chan picked me out of Jeongins arms, handing me over to Hyunjin. He knew the lead beta was best at pampering me when it came to baths and such. "Give her the most pampered and calming bath you can. Then dress her for bed and bring her down for dinner. We want her as comfortable as possible for the night." When can looked around the room he said. "Everyone needs to take a sick day tomorrow. It's time to spoil her for the day again, to remind her she is safe with us." Everyone nodded at his words. The alphas all following him to ago help clean and set the table while also cooking my favorite for dinner.

The Betas all followed with me and Hyunijin into the main bathroom. This one was big enough for almost the whole pack to bath together. But that never really happened, it was usually just a group of us together.

Together they helped me undress, they undid my hair letting it flow down. Then they too all undressed themselves, Jisung was the first one ready and he began to set up the bath. Felix grabbed all our soaps, shampoos and conditioners. Hyunjin picked me up and placed me down into the warm bath with ease.

Then everyone joined us as bubbles surrounded all of us, jisung had made me a bubble bath. They were all trying their best to bring my mood back up. Trying to make me smile fully again. This made me happier, but I don't think I would fully smile again for a bit. I was still experiencing short memories of my past.

The abuse I had taken for years upon years, along with everything I seen done to others. It was beyond devastating. I could still almost feel the pain from everything, all the mental, emotional and physical pain I had experienced.

More tears began to cascade down my face as these memories flashed through my head. Seungmin noticed me first and instantly picked me up to sit in his lap. He held my face into his neck, filling my senses with the scent of him.

This act of his began to calm me down slowly, as my body began to relax he began to kiss along my neck. He kissed specifically his mate mark, giving both of us a sense of euphoria in that single moment. Soon I felt more kiss from the other boys as they each kissed their mate mark. This some how helped me to finally fully relax, the horrid memories fading from my mind.

Now I was being filled with short memories of each mate, moments that made me feel as euphoric as possible. Seconds later Felix began to wash my hair with shampoo. While Seungmin and Jisung washed my body. After that hyunjin had washed himself and took care of my hair for the conditioner. While the others began to wash themselves.

Once all cleaned up, they helped me get out and began to dry me off. Hyunjin helped wrap my hair up in the towel. Once I was dry enough they helped me out of the room and off my my room. They grabbed their own clothes along the way.

Once in my room, I was sat on the extra fluffy grey fur laying on my bed. I was now dry save for my hair which was wrapped up in a towel still. Seungmin sat beside me, rubbing a hand over my back in comforting way while we watched our mates search my closet for clothes.

However besides the underwear, anything else they brought me I was unwilling to wear. "What would you like to wear sweetheart?" Seungmin finally asked after 5 minutes of this. "I want alphas clothes, but I also want to have your scents on them too." I whined. I needed the constant scent of my pack to keep me sane. I didn't want to risk falling into that pit of mental darkness again.

So with that Hyunjin and Felix went to snatch some clothes. When they came back I watched them spilt the clothes amongst the four of them. Hyunjin held Chan's jacket while scenting one half of it so it smelled like both of them. Felix scented Changbins shorts, Jisung had Minho's t-shirt and Seungmin had Jeongin's fluffy socks. Once the items smelled like one alpha and one beta, they helped me dress up. Finally I felt comfortable surrounded by their scents.

With that I was picked up this time by Felix as they brought me into the dining room. I could smell the delicious scent of spicy lamb skewers, with all the most perfect side dishes. I could feel my mouth water at just the mere sight of it all. Around the table stood each of my alpha's. I squirmed in Felix's hold who sat me down confused and a little worried. I quickly pecked his cheek as I went around giving each pack mate a quick kiss.

Without words I wanted them to know that I loved them, that I trusted them. I needed them to know that I didn't care they weren't there at the moment. Because they were there right now and that's all that mattered to me. They wouldn't let me get hurt again so this was okay.

I could feel them slowly relax with my actions, their emotions becoming softer more Lovey-dovey.

I quickly sat down in my normal seat, mall the alphas were quick to sit as close to me as possible. This the Betas were more than okay with after having spent the last half hour together. Immediately to my sides were Chan and Minho, while Changbin and Jeongin were next to them. Chan picked up and passed my plate to Jeongin who sat next to him. Jeongin filled my plate with a few good looking skewers. Minho grabbed my sides plate and had Changbin start putting on a few sides. Once they had filled it up Chan and Minho got to add a few more things as well. Till finally they were satisfied and placed my plates back in front of me.

This I smiled at and began to enjoy my meal, it was easy to notice all the pairs of eyes on me. I sighed in content at the taste of food as they watched me eat, they made sure to keep eating as well. I waited however until I had finished and was full before speaking.

"I guess you all want to know what happened today?" My voice was more timid than I initially intended it to be. "You don't have to say anything if you're not ready to babygirl." Chan spoke first. The others readily agreeing with him.

I took a deep breath before beginning to tell them the whole story. All the way from the beginning so they would understand everything. From the agreement with Seungmin and Changbin about my shopping spree, to the moment they found me in the mall. I stopped there to allow them a moment to take it all in before continuing.

"When I was found I had fully regressed into the instinctual mindset I had back in my old pack. Where it was better to have no emotions than the wrong one at the wrong time. I haven't experienced something like that since leaving that place, but something today just set me back into that headspace. When that happens, if it ever happens again, I never talk unless told to. It will be hard to bring me up from it especially if I regress really far. The days were I would regress way to far, I actually would remember little to nothing about that day." looking around I could angry and sad faces.

In the silence I decided to crawl into Minho's lap, burying my face into his neck as I just breathed in his scent. I felt him hug me tightly as he breathed in mine too. He was first to speak, reassuring me of everything. "We will never let that bastard of a man get to you sweetheart. No matter what it takes you will be ours. We are mated for life, nothing will tear us apart. We love you too much for us to let you feel pain like this again." I heard agreement around the table as Changbin spoke next. "Seungmin and I will see to it that you get the best of the best bodyguards anytime we go out where there is a possibility he may be." Seungmin nodded to me. Then he spoke as well. "If you would like we can also teach you self defense or get you some self defense weapons." I nodded to him saying I would think about the offer.

Soon everyone was calming down, having talked everything out and understanding what had just taken place was good for us. So with my belly full and my mood back to it usual tranquil happiness. I got up dragging the two lead alpha's along. "Movie night with pack cuddles please." I spoke loudly. With that I heard everyone get up and begin cleaning the table off. While the two I had dragged behind me just laughed to themselves.

Chan picked me up seconds later, as he and Minho pecked my cheeks. This earned them a giggle as I returned the kiss to each of them before we finally descended into the pack nest room. I would set up the nest with the freshly scented blankets, furs and even pillows. The other two were to get a movie picked out and then help me finish the nest, before the rest of the pack would join and a soft fluffy movie night full of love and cuddles began.

Masterlist

[stereax]

☕️ things you think the nhl genuinely does well for their players? And/or things you wish could/would change in the org?

I think, to start, you need to overhaul how player safety works. The lack of consequences for players is nuts. Repeat offenders need to be penalized appropriately. You can't let dangerous players like Matt Rempe continue to be the poster children for CTE.

Player assistance - I'm not sure how effective this is. We've had players like Valeri Nichushkin fail it; we've had former players like Scott Darling deride it. We've also had players like Spencer Knight and Connor Ingram who've cited the help they get from it as crucial to their mental health.

THE MEDICAL STAFF. Oh my god the medical teams are AWFUL in the NHL. I know it's the standard to play through injuries but holy fuck. On the Devils alone we had three cases of medical staff failing to spot a concussion or other major injury after a head hit and letting players continue to play for several more shifts before pulling them. You hear actual horror stories annually of players saying "oh, I messed up my shoulder in game 4 and played with it the entire season" (Tim Stutzle) or "oh, my knee's been fucked since January, sorry for not putting up more points" (Elias Pettersson) or "oh, I played a playoff game with a broken sternum and I couldn't even dress myself, so if I got hit there, there's a chance I could have died" (Matthew Tkachuk). We're seeing that players who prioritize their health, who sit out to recover instead of pushing their bodies (think Sidney Crosby here) are able to continue playing at a high level past 35, when previously this was considered too old to be a top talent NHL player.

Tying into that, LTIR. Teams need to be incentivized to use LTIR so that their stars can heal, goddamn it. You tell me "close the cap circumvention loopholes", I reply "I'd prefer if players are playing healthy and not forced to play while hurt, and LTIR is a major step in allowing players to heal without penalizing a team for their injuries". I don't know why it's a buzz topic now that teams like Vegas are "abusing LTIR" - good??? Every team in the league should "abuse LTIR" if it means helping to preserve the quality of life for its players down the line??? Why is this controversial???

But also - players who are definitely not coming back to play in the NHL (think Shea Weber, Carey Price, Nicklas Backstrom) should have the ability to retire without losing out on the final years of their contract while not penalizing the teams with them on their roster. Currently, these players undergo "LTIRetirement", a process where they're stashed on the LTIR until their contract is up, at which point they officially retire. This not only disadvantages the teams carrying these contracts but also puts unnecessary burdens on these players. Think how the 2018 WJC perpetrators were considered "NHL non-roster", effectively having no cap hit, and do something similar for LTIRetirement.

Just... eugh, I really wish some fundamentals about hockey culture and the culture of injury were changed. Every time I hear about how a player is trying to regain day-to-day functioning after an injury (go read up on Tanner Pearson's hand injuries and how the Canucks bungled the surgeries), part of me dies inside. Jack Eichel literally had to force his own trade out of his team because the Sabres weren't willing to give him medical autonomy. Which is another thing - the player should ALWAYS have final say in their injury treatment, not the teams. Whoever decided that... I'm shaking my fist.

[goldenempyrean]

sick reader and elizabeth using “It sounds like you’ve caught that bug going round.”  and “Naps are only for babies and old people. Im neither.”  

Should've Stayed Home

〚 Notes - Just posting the fic I wrote last night :) This hasn't been edited/checked well so sorry about mistakes! 〛

〚 Pairing - Lizzie Olsen x Reader 〛

〚 Summary - You insisted on visiting Lizzie's parents with her, even when you weren't feeling great. But once you arrived there, it seems that maybe staying home would've have been such a day idea. 〛

〚 Wordcount - 1300 〛

〘 Check Out My Masterlist! 〙

╚════════ ⋇⋆✦⋆⋇⋆✦⋆⋇ ════════╝

“Maybe you should stay home today sweetheart.” Lizzie sighed as you coughed into your elbow, “It sounds like you’ve caught that bug going round. We can always reschedule, or I can always go visit my parents by myself for a few hours and then come home again.” 

But you only shook your head as tossed her the car keys, “No, we’ve been putting off seeing your parents for weeks and I’m not even that sick either, my throat’s just being a little temperamental.” 

Lizzie hesitated for a moment, worry creasing her forehead, but ultimately, she relented and took the keys from you. She watched as you gathered your things and made your way out the door, wishing she could convince you to stay home and rest. 

As you drove to Lizzie's parents' house, you couldn't shake the feeling of fatigue that settled in your bones. You tried to ignore it, focusing instead on the radio and the passing scenery outside the car window. The coolness of the glass felt amazing against the throbbing which had begun to pound in your temples. 

The drive wasn’t too long at least, that was a positive. Not only had your head begun to pound, but you also found yourself beginning to sniffle repetitively, unable to keep your nose from running. Those sniffles only intensified further when your nose itched sharply. 

“H’h..h’tschoo! Heh’hupsshooo!” 

Lizzie chuckled, reaching over to squeeze your thigh gently, “Bless-“ She started but stopped when your breath hitched again preemptively. 

“H’htschoo!” You ducked your head into your elbow as you covered your final sneeze, sniffling wetly in the aftermath, scrunching up your nose as you wiped it against the end of your sleeve. 

“There's tissues in the glove box baby, blow your nose.” Lizzie sighed, regretting that she hadn’t pushed further for you to stay home. 

You nodded and reached for the tissues, blowing your nose loudly and rubbing at your eyes. The headache was only getting worse, and your throat felt like it was on fire. You tried to distract yourself by looking out the window again, but everything seemed to blur together in a dizzying haze. 

By the time you arrived at Lizzie's parents' house, you were feeling worse than ever. Your head was pounding, your nose was running nonstop, and your throat was so sore it hurt to swallow. You tried to put on a brave face when you greeted her parents, but they could tell something was wrong. 

As soon as you walked in the door, Lizzie's mom greeted you with a big hug. "Oh, honey, you don't look so good. Are you feeling okay?" she asked, concern etched on her face. 

You forced a smile and nodded, not wanting to worry her. "I'm just a little under the weather. Nothing to worry about," you replied, your voice scratchy and hoarse. 

Lizzie's dad came over to give you a handshake and a pat on the back, but you winced in pain as the pressure on your back sent a wave of pain through your body. Lizzie noticed your discomfort and quickly intervened, guiding you over to the couch and offering you a glass of water. 

You gratefully accepted the water, taking a sip to soothe your sore throat. Lizzie sat down next to you, her hand resting on your knee as she asked, "Do you need anything else, love?" 

You couldn’t help but feel your heavy eyes begin to close on their own as you fought to keep yourself awake as you leant your head against Lizzie’s shoulder, “No, it’s fine.” 

Lizzie frowned as she felt the heat radiating off of you. She knew that you were running a fever, and she didn't want to push you too hard. "Maybe we should head back home, sweetheart," she suggested gently. 

You shook your head, not wanting to ruin the visit. "No, I'm fine. Let's just hang out for a bit," you said, your voice barely above a whisper. Lizzie hesitated, but eventually she relented when she parents joined the two of you in the living room. 

You tried your best to keep yourself composed as you chatted with Lizzie's parents. But as the conversation went on, the pressure in your sinuses began to build, and you knew that you were on the verge of a sneeze. 

You tried to hold it in, but it was no use. Your body gave in, and you let out a loud, explosive sneeze. "H'tschh!" Your hand shot up to cover your nose and mouth, but it was too late. 

Lizzie's mom rushed over to you with a handful of tissues, concern etched on her face. "Oh, honey, are you okay? Do you need anything?" she asked. 

You nodded, grateful for the tissues. You blew your nose, wincing as the pressure in your head intensified. You could feel the heat rising in your cheeks as you tried to hide your embarrassment. 

Lizzie's dad gave you a sympathetic smile. "It's okay, we've all been there," he said, trying to make you feel better. 

“You’re definitely getting a cold.” Lizzie sighed, pressing a tender kiss to your cheek. You could do little more to respond, that insistent itch still lingering in your nose before you eventually sneezed down into your tissues yet again, mumbling out your apology afterwards. 

Lizzie's mom reached over to hand you another tissue, giving you a sympathetic smile. "Bless you, dear. It sounds like you're really not feeling well," she said kindly whilst Lizzie wrapped her arms around you, holding you closer to her. 

You nodded, feeling a pang of guilt for not listening to Lizzie's advice to stay home. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make a scene," you apologised, your voice still scratchy and hoarse. 

Lizzie's dad patted you on the back. "No need to apologise, we understand. Sometimes these things just happen," he said, giving you a reassuring smile. 

But you couldn't shake the feeling of embarrassment and discomfort. You were starting to feel like a burden on everyone, like you were ruining the visit. You tried to excuse yourself, saying that you needed some fresh air, but Lizzie insisted on coming with you. 

Outside, the cool air felt good on your flushed face, but you couldn't escape the pounding in your head or the congestion in your sinuses. You leaned against Lizzie, feeling her warmth and support as you tried to catch your breath. 

"I'm sorry," you mumbled, feeling tears prickling at the corners of your eyes. "I didn't mean to ruin the visit." 

Lizzie pulled you closer, rubbing soothing circles on your back. "You didn't ruin anything, sweetheart. We just want you to feel better," she said, her voice soft and gentle. 

You leaned into her, feeling the weight of exhaustion and sickness weighing you down. "I just want to go home," you said, your voice barely audible. 

Lizzie nodded, understanding the seriousness of the situation. She helped you back to the car, settling you in the passenger seat before going back inside to explain the situation to her parents. 

As Lizzie drove you home, you leaned your head against the window, feeling the cool glass soothing against your hot skin. Lizzie's hand found yours, squeezing it gently as she drove. 

“Maybe you should try and take a nap sweetheart, you look exhausted.” 

 “Naps are only for babies and old people. I'm neither.”  You mumbled, but still you found yourself giving in and closing your eyes. 

Lizzie chuckled softly. "Well, in that case, you're just taking a rest. You need it." She whispered, her voice filled with sympathy and love. 

You nodded sleepily, feeling grateful for Lizzie's understanding and care. As you drifted off to sleep, you knew that you were in good hands, and that Lizzie would be there to take care of you until you were feeling better. 

〖 Join My Taglist! 〗@scrambled-brain-eggs @natashamyl0ve @shin-conan-kun @bloomingflowersthings @kathleenmikaelson @shamelessbearunknown @inluvwithfictionalwomen @ceiestiaie @fluffyblanketgecko @kljhsong @santana1437 @lovelyy-moonlightt @juiles @lots-of-pockets @sashawalker2 @natashamaximoff69 

[smokingtomas]

Goodbye, Hasashi

Summary: Takes place before the event of Mortal Kombat, you find yourself dealing with the certainty of losing Hanzo Hasashi, the captivating son of Shirai Ryu’s grandmaster whom you’ve been having a secret affair with, to someone else’s embrace in an arranged marriage. (Hanzo Hasashi/Female Reader)

AO3 / original Tumblr post / playlist

A/N: This fic is sort of an ode to the past– a fic that was written 7 years ago that I was highly insecure about. This was the last fic before I took a 6 month break and hadn’t created any fics for Mortal Kombat up until my recent one because this one really wore me out. I had been through hell and back to getting this published– quite literally had to drive myself to gloom to convey the emotions into this sole fic.

Reading it now, I’ve decided that I’m going to give it a proper love I hadn’t given back then. I really used to make fun of this– thinking this was cringey, which was unfair to my past self. But thankfully, I’ve grown up and am able to appreciate this a lot more. I didn’t even edit that much.

So If you are reading this, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. I really hope you could feel how much this means to me these days.

Whew, sorry for the long/sentimental A/N.

“We visited Harumi and her family today.”

As soon as he speaks of those words, your entire body feels numb. The teapot you were tilting earlier immediately bumps the cup over, causing some of the tea to spill and mess your tabletop up. You can feel your lower lip slightly tremble– thankfully biting the inside of your mouth helps a little bit, but you are certain the gloom within your eyes can’t hide the pain.

What kind of strange woman wouldn't be hurt when her beloved is forced to leave her to be tied with some other woman? And to make it even worse, for political reasons.

This is Hanzo Hasashi you’re talking about. 

The feisty, passionate and… handsome son of the Grandmaster of Shirai Ryu whom you’ve been having a secret affair with for what, four-five months? Yes, it hasn’t been a lifetime, but for you, it does mean something in spite of how young you and him are.

Oh, but the relationship isn’t perfect. Both of you have to keep it a secret since you are nothing but a filthy huntress with no title and no one considering you-- your skills for survival are probably the only thing that has been keeping you alive for so long. If the Grandmaster ever found out about you two? Ah, the possibility of burying you alive is real.

Though to you, being in love with someone like Hanzo Hasashi and to have him love you back is like shooting for the stars, but got the moon instead. For once in your life, you feel like you’ve done something too good that this is blessed to you as your reward.

Turns out, it is nothing but an illusion. Because soon, he will fall into someone else’s embrace.

It’s not that he said something, but you knew that tonight is your last night with him as he mentioned a few nights ago about getting married the next day from now. No, you’re not actually planning on a sad farewell night, but staying positive is no simple task.

Time does fly indeed, and how you wish you realized this earlier. If it is possible to turn back time, you’d definitely do it just so you can hold him longer a few more times… or at least caress that pompous face of his every time he thinks he has impressed you with something he does...  

You will miss the way how light always pierces through his hazel eyes and makes them look sort of aglow-- if you could, you would look at them forever. You will miss how he rubs his nose every time he gets nervous and he always tells you to stop teasing him about it.

You will miss how his stubble slightly pierces you every time he presses his face against your skin. How he knows it itches you but he keeps on teasing you with it anyway. Though he knows you like it every time he buries his face on the crook of your neck when he makes sweet love to you.

Oh, Hanzo… how could you survive without him now?

As you feel a tear rushing towards the brink of your eye, you bring a finger up and wipe it away… realizing how much time is wasted since the first time you laid your eyes on his features.

Those eminences of him that hit you all at once. That one sunny day when peaches were harvested; the day that’s impossible to forget...

//

It was the time of the month when peaches were blooming beautifully. Everywhere you looked-- from trees to the market stalls-- there were those ripe, mouthwatering goodness. The sun shone friendly along with the thin air that would occasionally blow the thin strands of your locks. Birds were swarming beneath the bright blue sky stretching majestically above you, and some of them that were perching on trees seemed to be enjoying the sweet smell of the sunset-colored fruit by the way they chirped so cheerfully.

And there you were with a belly filled completely with peaches you picked earlier, cozying yourself up above a larger, leafier tree on one of its bigger branches as you soaked up the warmth of the sun, resting your head above your hands. The crystal clear lake spreaded close to the tree streamed calmly in sync with the crisp air, sending those leaves slow dancing and making them let out a calming shrivel. This was the kind of surrounding that could send those insomniacs drift off in no time, and the drowsiness just kicked in to you.

Your eyes were getting heavier at this point, but you could care less-- you could drift off any second and you weren’t fighting it. Eyelashes swung as your mouth parted slightly in comfort. Oh, it really was a good day to sleep…

When you just thought nothing could bother you at this moment, crunches were heard next to your tree, followed by a sound of a frustrated male groan. Your eyes shot open at the remark and you knew something was caught in the trap you had set earlier today.

Now, you set the trap for animals-- something you could surely eat, but why was the male sound present?

Hastily, you maneuvered yourself and climbed down the tree. Of course, you were dying to find out what was going on, and what laid before your eyes was way out of your expectation that you felt your jaw drop slightly.

And there was Hanzo Hasashi; inside your net trap hanging strongly beneath a tree trunk, letting his mid-length hair down framing his solid cheek bone. Beads of sweat dripped from his temple and you were guessing he had been running. His callous fingers were shaking the net while his other hand held a whole bunch of peaches, and you could see some of them sliding off his grip onto the ground. Frantic was clearly drawn all over his face, but what you couldn’t get your head wrapped around was the fact that he was dressed in a lousy brown hoodie and torn, old cargo pants.

Instantly, you recognized that face-- who wouldn’t? This was the first time you’ve seen him up close and… well he didn’t look bad. But you figured it would be fun to mess with him since he always looked so serious.

“Well, well, well, look what we have here,” You uttered smugly as you swung your knife. “Was expecting a deer, but got the Grandmaster’s son dressed like a hobo instead.”

His forehead wrinkled at your remark as his lips formed a perfect ‘o’, “What the… how did you know?!”

“Easy, you got one of those kunai in your pocket,” You scoffed, “And your mask fell off.”

He did not look happy by the way he palpated his bare face before letting out a growl, obviously just realizing his mask went down to his neck, “Alright look, huntress! You need to help me off and hide me! Quick!”

“And how could you think I would do that, Hasashi?”

“Because I just stole these peaches from the market!”

As you placed your knife back in one of your boots, you almost bursted out of laughter hearing his explanation. The son of Grandmaster stealing fruits? Now, that was funny. 

“What? Like you can’t afford it?” You mocked sarcastically.

“I was undercover and things sprawled out of my control so--” He snarled once again. “Listen! I don’t have time for this. The villagers are chasing me, and I need your help!”

“You know, help doesn’t come free these days. Even huntresses need some--” You cleared your throat, “Gold.”

Rolling his eyes in advance, he finally gave up, “Alright, I will hand you 50 gold coins if you let me off your net and hide me-- but quick!”

“50 golds? Okay, I’ll keep your stolen peaches for you.”

“100!”

“I’ll keep your peaches, and probably won’t eat them.”

“You’re robbing me, huntress!” He exclaimed irritatedly, “Final offer; 150 golds, and you must help me.”

Satisfied with his offer-- and messing around with Grandmaster’s son-- you finally agreed as you got your knife out and made your way towards him to free him. “Don’t have to ask me twice.”

As you were cutting the ropes off the branch, for a split second you thought you could feel his eyes on you. Reflectively, you looked up to meet him. From the distance so close, the features of his face hit you all at once; his perfectly carved bone structure with light stubble framing his… alright, you had to admit he’s gorgeous. Though what hooked you the most were those sharp hazel eyes.

And then you felt your heart skip a beat.

Trying to regain your focus, you chose to ignore this weird feeling as you shook your head back to reality, keeping your hand on the work.

“Can’t you cut faster? They’re coming!” Exclaimed Hanzo.

“Hey, I could easily leave you here if you keep that attitude.” You replied without stopping your rough work.

Thankfully, he only clenched his teeth at your remark-- that was the least he can do, so you couldn’t complain.

Before you knew it, all the ropes were cut and his feet were set on the solid ground. All the peaches he was holding earlier fell onto the ground and you think he could care less in the way he sighed in relief.

“Now go climb that big, leafy  tree over there. As high as your feet can take you.” You ordered as you pointed to the tree you were resting on earlier. Without saying anything else, Hanzo quickly rushed towards the tree while you cleared his tracks by covering your net trap and peaches with some fallen leaves.

As footsteps and chatter were heard from a distance, you spread the leaves as nonchalantly as you could as if you were just about to set a trap-- just another day in the office.

Sooner than you had expected, a swarm of villagers were moving towards you, and they were bringing all kinds of things they could use as a weapon: a stick, shoes, even some fabric which you had assumed would be used to catch Hanzo.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa! Stop now!” You commanded, stretching your hands out to them as they immediately paused their tracks, “You take another step and all of you will get inside an animal trap I just set up hours ago.”

“Did you see a street boy coming this way?” Asked one of the villagers, “He stole my peaches!”

“I’ve been here for hours, and I’ve seen nobody. I can’t help you.” You replied.

“But I saw him go this way!” Another villager shouted, “And look! There’s a peach on the ground!”

Good God, what kind of eyes do these people have?!

“Hey, I picked those earlier as a part of my trap!” You lied.

“Bullshit! I don’t believe her! It’s just her way to save her kind. I say we go this way!” Another villager decided to interlope and crunk the heat of the situation.

“For the last time, I’ve been here for hours and I don’t see nobody coming by, alright? If you don’t believe me, please take another step so you all can rot together inside my trap!” You threatened the villagers which sent them into dead silence. Some of them actually showed fear on their faces and were debating if they should go back.

“Hey, what are you all waiting for? Go! Now! You’re scaring my food!” You demanded as the villagers went another way with nothing left to say-- you could hear some of them curse behind their breaths, though.

As you watched them slowly disappear, you made your way towards the tree on which Hanzo was hiding as you looked around to make sure the situation was thoroughly cleared.

Looking up, you placed a palm close to your mouth as you shouted at him, “Get down, Hasashi! You’re safe.”

“Nicely deceived, huntress,” He complimented as he showed himself beneath the leaves while he tried to climb down, “Those people could’ve hurt you easily.”

“I may be a woman, but I’m immune to pain, y’know.” You scoffed.

Hanzo stopped in his track regarding your remark, and furrowed his eyebrows in confusion, “A little hard to believe, but--”

His voice trailed off as his feet stepped on a fragile branch and immediately lost his balance. It all happened so fast that the next thing you know after you shut your eyes in reflex of him falling off the tree was his robust figure over you.

The coarse feeling of the ground surely did not help the blinding pain on your head and hip.

“Ouch! Ah...” You grunted in pain as were him, “Fuck, you’re heavy as hell!”

Out of your expectation, Hanzo bursted out laughing at your remark over you as he rearranged his arms next to your head instead of immediately raising up to his feet. In this sort of inappropriate position of his, you could feel his perfectly sculpted chest above you and the unexpected tremor lining between your legs.

You were certain you could feel yourself blushing over the somewhat awkward situation, but in that moment, you were sure of one thing; he’s a hard candy with a surprise center.

But no, you weren't going to convey your thoughts aloud.

“What’s so funny, Hasashi?” You snapped under him.

“I knew you weren’t immune to pain,” He replied playfully, “I’m always right.”

“You did this on purpose?!” You shouted as you gave his shoulder a push in order for you to raise up, “Ugh! Get off me you sicko!”

Even though he was still laughing uncontrollably, he did as you say and ascended up to his feet. He stretched a hand for you, but instead of taking it, you pouted your lips and got up by yourself.

Not because you didn’t want to, you just refused to give him any ideas.

As he regained his self control and his laugh slightly dimmed-- but obviously still couldn’t get over it, he said: “Alright, alright, I apologize. And thank you, for your help.”

“For a Shirai Ryu, that was really shallow of you,” You pouted, crossing your arms, “But I guess I can let it go.”

As you were trying to straighten your dirty outfit, Hanzo asked: “So, have a name, huntress?”

Surprised by what you had heard, you turned your attention to him and scorned, “Yeah right, asking her name after getting them under you-- way to go, Hasashi!”

“It’s Hanzo,” He chuckled, “If you want to retrieve your gold, we need to see each other in a few days.”

“Is this how a Hasashi flirt?”

He shrugged at your remark, “I’m not exactly denying it, but suit yourself.”

You quickly turned your head away as you felt your cheek heating up. Despite him being good at this, you weren’t going to let him be an asshole about it.

Gathering your things as if you were ready to leave, you let out a chuckle at his remark as you hung your belongings on one shoulder, “Keep your gold, Hanzo. I don’t need it,” You assured before throwing him one of the peaches he had stolen which he reflectively caught with one hand.

“I only need one of these,” You added, sinking your teeth into another peach in your hand without caring about its juice that dripped all over your palm before you took some steps back away from him, “These are good peaches you have stolen.”

As the sight of him got slightly further, you could see him stretching both of his arms as he raised his tone, “So should I see you or not?”

“I don’t know, what do you think?” You shouted.

“I really think I should!”

At his assertion, you stopped your tracks and sank your teeth inside the peach once more as you shrug, “Well, you’ve found my hideout.”

As you turned your attention back on the road, you found yourself smiling. As much as you were dying to see his facial expression, you decided not to and keep this little game of yours happening.

Without knowing what the future will bring.

//

“Are you there?”

“Uh… yeah, yeah.” Startled by the depth of his voice, you hurry your fingers and wipe the vestiges of your tears, settling your feet back to earth as the trip down the memory lane has you caught up. “I just-- I made a mess.”

You grab the steaming cup of tea as you make your way to the edge of the bed and hand him his beverage, sitting next to him afterwards. You’re not sure how you can make it through this night, but you need to try as if nothing’s going to happen tomorrow. For his sake.

“So uh…” Trying to sound as normal as possible, you mutter while he takes a sip from the cup,  “How is she?”

Hanzo deliberately retreats the cup off his lips and rests his forearm above his thigh. The way his head falls tells you that sorrow is consuming him alive. His hazel eyes that usually glow with spirit are now covered by woe. 

As a sigh escapes his mouth, he simply replies, “She’s… kind.”

“I bet she’s beautiful.” Your lips twitch up into a wry smile. “More beautiful than what people have said about her.”

For what you have heard about Harumi, her beauty is beyond compare to even the most beautiful flower. Her long hair is the color of a midnight sky with ivory skin wrapped around her slender, small figure. People even say that her honey colored eyes beam brighter than the moonlight, and when she speaks, her voice is as soothing as a summer rain.

At your remark, Hanzo takes a short pause before he weakly shrugs, still refusing to turn his attention to you.

As you run your fingers through his soft, black locks, your gaze is locked at his complexion you’ve grown to love that not even the chill of misty, starless night sky displayed beneath your window pane overshadowed his beauty. No matter how much you’d love to mourn with him, you know you need to stay strong for him and not making this fucked up situation even worse.

Though if you look back, you wish you’d never meet him.

But ah, it’s too little too late now; you’ve fallen for him. You should’ve been ready for the risk of having to give him up to someone else-- someone better than you. You must be kidding yourself if you think he’d actually be your forever.

“It doesn’t matter,” He suddenly utters, “She’s not you.”

“And that’s better, right? I mean, look at me.” You scoff, ”Who am I kidding? I--”

“Can you stop making this about you for once?!” Cutting you off, his strenuous voice suddenly fills the empty room as he recoils your fingers off him. His profound gaze towards you clearly shows nothing but unhappiness.

“Hanzo, who says this is about me? I’m just trying to make it better for you.” You assure firmly.

“All you’ve been doing is making this worse for me!”

“How is that so?” 

“Did you think I asked for this? Did you think I wanted to make this choice?” He bleaks. Eyes gleaming with pain, and you don’t think you’ve ever seen him like this.

“Well, no, but--”

“Then your attempt on making it better is useless! Because it’s sad enough for me to have to choose the clan over you!”

As he winds his attention away from you and buries his face above his palm, you sense the frigid of the night starts seeping inside your bones. This empty space you call your sanctuary feels even more depressing than it already is. You gently press your palms against the wonky mattress so it’ll make some noise within the silence that’s slowly killing you.

At this moment, you’re lost for words. You feel like you should say something, but your jaw feels rigid and your throat is just drying away. Even the spider in the corner of the room seems to have more of an idea of what it’s doing as its little feet slowly knitting its web. 

Unlike you. Clueless of what to say-- let alone doing something about it. You know you shouldn’t have fallen this deep with someone as powerful as the son of Shirai Ryu’s grandmaster, but for some reason your heart calls for him, and you knew in that moment you laid your eyes on his hazel ones, he’s what it’s longing for.

But why is it longing for someone you know you shouldn’t go for? How you wish you could rip your heart off your chest and throw it into the ocean, even though you know it wouldn’t be as painful as how you’re feeling right now.

“Wow…” You finally mumble slowly, relieving the silence.

“What?”

“You’re madly in love with me, aren’t you?”

At your remark, Hanzo gradually lifts his head and turns his interest to you. Unlike before, he looks much calmer right now, but you can tell he’s still absorbing the pain of this state like a sponge. It’s like he knows you already know the answer to your own question-- heck, you’re not even sure why you asked such a question in the first place.

But one thing you know for sure-- whatever his answer is, it’s going to crush your soul.

Whilst he elevates his shoulders, he lets out a sigh. “To the point where I would actually give it all up,” Hanzo weakly answers.

At this point, you can already hear your heart cracking through your ears.

“By the Gods…” You grumble, running your fingers through your locks as you shortly stand up and taking a few steps away from him, heading to the small, dusty window ahead of you. Greeting you is a cloudy night sky-- a sky so cloudy that even the moon chooses to hide itself underneath the thick, gray clouds; a bed of sky that perfectly describes your feelings.

In a perfect world, if someone just told you they’re madly in love with you, your heart will fly as if it had wings of its own. Turns out in your case, the wings your heart once had are torn apart by force.

You know he loves you-- he’s said it before. But madly? Oh, how you wish you could ask him to stay. Though what’s breaking you the most is that you know you couldn’t.

As you feel your face heats up and clumps of tear start to cloud your vision, you can hear the bed squeaking with Hanzo’s footsteps following behind as he asks for your conviction, “Aren’t you?”

You press your palms against your eyes, gulping hard so your answer won’t be as croaky. After all, the point is to hide your sorrow from him.

Alas, your attempt seems to fail as you feel a tear slide down your left cheek, and you just find it hard to even contain yourself, “To the point where the whole world shatters with my heart when you told me you’re marrying somebody else.”

All of the sudden, you can feel two robust arms gently wrapped around your figure together with a strong cheekbone resting on the side of your face. The familiar warmth instantly drowns you in and you welcome the strong arms in your embrace. You don’t even mind the stubble that you normally would push away because of how it pierces through your skin, but you know even your skin will miss the slight roughness when it’s gone.

“I know,” Hanzo responds simply by leaving a peck on your temple, “I’m sorry…”

“I’m sorry too…” You bring one hand to caress his cheek, which slowly trails down to the side of his neck, “Shirai Ryu needs you, Hanzo. Don’t ever give it up, especially for me.”

“I just never thought that-- I would have to lose you for it.” He brittles, keeping his gaze far away as if he’s looking for some understanding.

“It’s the risk we should’ve prepared for.” You enlighten him as you turn yourself around and face him, cupping his jaw afterwards. His hand slowly slides down at your movement and you adore how they circle your waist perfectly. “ If I could turn back time, I really wish we’d never met-- let alone giving you a helping hand. Because even then I know, if I ever fell for you, I could never get back up.”

As your hands gradually travel to the nape of his neck, you pull him closer to you as he closes his eyes. His heavy breath pools down your frame and you add, “And now, I guess it got the best of me.”

At your confession, Hanzo stays still as if he's decided to get lost in your embrace and enjoy the closeness between him and your features. His hands stay ringing on your lower back and you don't think you'd want him to ever let go.

At the same time your fingers dig through his scalp, you whisper as you let out a feeble smile, “But you're my sweetest doom, Hasashi. And I've never felt more alive.”

It feels like you haven't had time to absorb your next move, but the next thing you know is that his lips brushes against yours like a drop of water in the middle of Sahara-- a kiss so chaste, so pure it could brace even the faintest heart.

As soon as he retracts himself, he mumbles, “Anata wa watashi no yume no josei da.” 

You're the woman of my dreams. His words are like a magnet to your soul and you’re instantly drawn to him. Another drop of tear slithers down your cheek as you let out a weak chuckle, and your lips yearn for him in a blink of an eye.

Against his lips, you let your lips slow dance with his moist ones as if it has a mind of its own, cupping his jaw and you let his hands roam every inch of your body. In this very tranquility-- and with his lips attached to yours, what’s been troubling your mind seems to be forgotten. Maybe making these last moments just for the two of you to embrace might be the best.

Still, you and Hanzo devour each other in your own utopia, and you’re not planning on letting go soon. Even when the heat of his hands slowly but skilfully undo the buttons of your top, your mind has its own way to stop working.

And as if new minds are planted at your fingertips, you let them do their work in unclasping his belt and out of his uniform.

You’re not sure how long it takes for your back to finally feel the softness of the bedsheet, but you know at that moment, your brain has retired and your heart is at work.

And for the rest of the night, there are only moans, ragged breathing, and the creak of the bed to be heard.

/

“I love you. Did you know that?” Hanzo’s voice is low and tense.

His gaze meets yours in the dim room filled with candle light. You rest your head above his shoulder as his arm wrapped around your figure. Legs intertwined and there’s nothing you love more than how his bare, warm skin collides with yours in silence under the sheet. The way his thumb slowly flatters your chin lets you know that he means what he says.

“Kind of,” With a smile, you nod, “You’ve said it a few times by now.”

You don’t need anymore assertion from him by the way he harbors his lips on your forehead softly. You’re not sure what it is with the forehead kisses he gives, but all you know is that they give you the thrill, and you can even feel it even through his fingertips that still caresses your back.

“Hanzo,” You call him tenderly, to which he responds with a small hum, “Do you have any regrets?”

For a split second, his forehead wrinkles as if he’s thinking about the true meaning of your random question, but he doesn’t keep you waiting until you start to get nervous.

“Ah, regrets?” He sighs, “I think my life itself is based on it.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well… by now you must have been aware that being born into a clan isn’t something I ask for. When I grew up and accepted it, my father didn’t allow me to participate in the clan’s business-- quite strange, but again, I accepted it until he proposed this...”

His voice suddenly trails off before he rolls away from you. Your body still lies above his arm, but the empty gaze he’s showing tells you that he’s trying his best to stay composed. Even though you swear for a split second there you see his eyes sort of glisten.

“...forced marriage I don’t even want, and making it the only way for me to be involved in Shirai Ryu.” Hanzo continues.

“I’m sorry…” You whisper weakly, not knowing what to say but to move your body closer to him and rest your palm on his chest, supporting your weight with your other arm.

A hopeless sigh leaves his mouth at your remark. His eyes are fixed to the torn out paint mark on the roof as if it’s the most fascinating thing in the world, but you know the corner of his eyes are watching you.

Despite the woe that is drawn clearly through his face, he still looks beautiful.

Shortly, however, he shifts his body to your direction so you’re now face to face as he mirrors your position, causing the sheet to maneuver in sync with the movement of his solid figure.

“But do you know what my biggest regret is?” Hanzo triggers.

You shrug in response, by which he answers, “It’s not being able to choose you.”

His words sure don’t catch you by surprise-- you’ve known all along about his feelings towards you, but it sure leaves your stomach knotting and your gaze to drop. 

When you thought things couldn’t get any worse, he adds as he reaches for your hand, “See, I’ve never thought about marriage until I-- until I fall in love with you. Since then, I always thought if I ever got married, it was going to be to you.”

And in this moment, your heart drops. And it’s smashed into pieces.

You wish you could decide your own fate if you knew you were going to fall this deep for him. You wish you’d been born someone else-- someone like Harumi just so you could stay with Hanzo. Or at least you wish your soul could leave your body and stay inside Harumi’s so you could still feel the warmth of his body next to you every night.

And in this moment, you hate yourself as much as you hate the universe.

It hurts to be you. It hurts so much that the pain seeps into your chest. You wish you could go up on a limb and pull your hair so hard that it pricks your scalp as you scream your heart out to the universe for such an injustice. 

Breathing seems like no easy task as your vision gets blurry with a layer of tear in your eyes, and it’s about to stream freely anytime soon. You’re just thankful your face is dipped and Hanzo can’t see how much of a blubbering mess you are.

“I-I don’t know what to say…” With a croaky voice, you mumble.

And the unbearable tear finally drips.

“Shush, hey.” Hanzo’s voice is soothing. A thumb of his is brought up to your cheek as it wipes off your tear, “I’ve never seen you cry before.”

You decide to ignore his remark and keep your face to the sheet. Besides, it seems pretty reasonable to cry-- you can’t possibly stay rock hard when your world has appeared to turn upside down. 

Lifting your chin up so your eyes meet his, he despondently says, “Maybe this is how we are destined to be-- you and me, against the universe. I just wish we could win this battle by… coming clean.”

“Don’t, Hanzo. Please… It’s too late now.”

“I guess you’re right.” He sighs, taking a short pause. But then a ray of light emerges within his face, “But Harumi will be the one moving here once we get married. Nothing is going to change between us, I will still be seeing you every night. Here.”

You raise an eyebrow in confusion at his statement, “You mean… we’ll still see each other when you’re married?”

“Yes. Why wouldn’t I?”

Surprisingly, you’re not feeling better-- your heart is still broken and it refuses to fix itself even when Hanzo tells you nothing’s changing. Inside, you know it’s not entirely true.

But for some reason, you find yourself fetching him an uncertain smile realizing your head goes empty at his words.

And your body still freezes as he moves even closer to you before his lips reach for yours tenderly. His palm finds your jaw before you find yourself, once again, under his mercy.

Oh, you’re dying to say a word-- about how wrong this feels, but you forget that the power of his kiss could shed away even the hardest problems.

And that’s exactly what it’s doing as you find yourself lost within it.

“Nothing is going to change between us, I will still be seeing you every night. Here.”

Those words Hanzo said keeps echoing in your head like it’s shouted in one hollow room. No matter how many times you try massaging the bridge of your nose or even simply shut your eyes, drifting into a peaceful slumber appears impossible.

You shift your head to your left, and there he is. Eyes closed, looking serene with his lips perfectly formed in one single line. The sound of his unwavering breaths could usually doze you off, but not tonight.

Because deep down, you know it won’t be yours to hear the next day.

Your hand reaches out for his stubble, and the way your hand gently caresses it is as if it knows it’ll be the last time you feel the slight pierce. You know you will surely miss how it feels on the back of your hand that slides softly on the curve of his cheekbone.

No-- you knew even then you have to leave him some time, and you’re afraid the moment has arrived.

As you gaze into his aristocratic frame, your brain searches for a reason to stay-- for you to possibly have him near you as long as you can.

But no matter how hard you dig, the thought of the future always buries the hope back even deeper. The thought of his warmth being someone else’s to cherish leaves a huge burden in your heart. 

And no, that is not the only thing that troubles you-- what if they have children someday? Of course, Hanzo would be happy to have his descendants, and he’s going to love them with all his heart.

And in time, you know he will eventually fall for Harumi.

At those thoughts, you can feel as if a dagger stabs your heart repeatedly, but the pain is nothing compared to the fact that this is the last time you will witness his fair looking face. 

And that… you have to let yourself out of his life.

Right now, there’s no use holding the tears back-- you let them stream freely this time as your mind wanders to the happier times you’ve spent with Hanzo, and how you wish you could do something to turn back time and let yourself showered with joy all over again.

But even by sacrificing your soul to the most powerful God, you know it’s not feasible.

With a heavy heart, you wipe away your tears before forcing the stiffness of your feet to move and out of the sheet, making sure to keep your movement slowly so you don’t wake him up. 

Keeping yourself as stealthy as possible, you put on your clothes and gather your things before you sit in one corner of the room to write him a farewell letter, glancing one in a while at his direction. You can feel your hand shaking as tears keep flowing down your cheek, but you try your hardest to power through the sorrow and ignore those tears that drop on the paper.

Dearest Hanzo,

I'm sorry I have to leave you like this, but I can't stand the thought of me being in the middle of your marriage. I understand this is not a part of your will, but you will have to learn to love her in time, just like you did to me.

I want you to know that this is hard for me to do, but I know I'm leaving you in a good hand-- she will take care of you and love you with all her heart. For that, I'm grateful, and I'm lucky.

But if by any chance we meet again in the future, I'm hoping to see the same spirit and light I've witnessed in you these past couple of months. By then, I can always remember that one summer we spent under the peach tree, and how it will always bring joy to my heart. 

Even though I might not be the one that puts that smile on your face, knowing you're well and happy is more than enough for me.

I love you, always.

P.S: Anata wa watashi no yume no otokoda.*

Finished writing the letter, you slowly maneuver to his side of the bed and you kneel down, placing the letter neatly next to his resting face as you take one last glance at his perfection.

After landing your lips swiftly on his cheek, you stroke him and slowly whisper, “Goodbye, Hasashi.”

As you step out the door, you turn your head back to this worn-out hideout you’ve called your sanctuary for the last year-- the place you’ve made most memories at, and you know you’re not going to easily forget everything.

Now, you’re not sure where your feet will take you. You have to survive in some other strange place and start a new life on your own, going back to the solitude you haven’t felt ever since your first encounter with Hanzo Hasashi.

You’re not sure how you’re going to survive without him by your side, but as you sweep the tears off your cheek and move forward, you know you somehow will.

//

*you’re the man of my dreams

[clanwarrior-tumbly]

Would you do a pic based on the song “Do you wanna be friends?” By Leanne Firestone as a Ken x reader? Like I feel like this song really could work for them. Like kens super all like “Oh stereotypical Barbie is so amazing” and reader just is like “oh. Okay yeahb I’ll support you” and just follows the song. Idk lol

Ough the unrequited love goes hard here </3

.........

"So...I take it that it didn't go the way you hoped?"

"Sadly..it didn't." Putting on his best smile, Ken sighed quietly as you both sat on the beach together. "I forgot it was girls' night and...she didn't want me there. Period."

You blinked. "She seriously said that to you?"

"Yeah."

"And..it didn't hurt?"

"I mean..she wasn't wrong. She could never be wrong. It's not my place to intrude on her night and I need to respect that. I'm just happy I got to dance with her and...almost kiss her after the party." His attempts to sound upbeat were forced, although he didn't want to concern you too much. "Simply being in her presence is enough for me. She's just so...amazing and beautiful and so smart. I'm glad we're boyfriend and girlfriend."

'It doesn't sound like she thinks the same...' Is what you wanted to say to him, but you decided to keep that to yourself. Instead, your shoulders remained slumped as he continued rambling about how "awesome" Stereotypical Barbie was.

It was nothing new to you.

You and him have been good friends for a while, although roughly 90% of your chats consisted of him gushing over Barbie nonstop; the remaining 10% were either him complaining about Tourist Ken or rambling about Beach-related stuff.

Obviously, you didn't mind talking to him and wouldn't dare shut him down. You actually enjoyed every moment you spent together, even if he can be a bit dumb and showy at times.

You just wish he didn't bring up Barbie's name in every single conversation...considering that she barely mentions his name whenever you talked to her.

It was unconventional at best for a Barbie to not be interested in her Ken, but that's just the way she is and he doesn't see anything wrong with that.

He wasn't getting the hint.

When you found Ken sitting alone on the beach tonight--in the spot where you'd normally practice you guitar skills--he looked awfully dejected and lonely. You immediately knew he tried shooting his shot with her after the huge blowout party with planned choreography and a bespoke song..

And ultimately missed by a mile.

"You know what she said to me earlier after that Beach accident, [y/n]?"

"What did she say?"

"She said I was "very brave"." Stars were practically shimmering in his blue eyes, his grin growing wider. "She thought I was brave! Isn't that awesome??"

"Yeah, it sure is." Nodding in agreement, you turned your gaze up to the brightly-lit moon in the sky. "You're a lot of things, Ken. Brave, funny, cool...she should seriously cherish those and not just shut you out because of "Girl's Night". I don't think that's fair to you at all."

The words came out faster than you could think, and your body tensed up as you watched his expression falter.

Maybe you've said too much.

"I..um-"

"Wow, that's...nice to hear, [y/n]. Thank you." He put a hand to his chest, looking at you with a gentler smile. "You're a great friend, you know that?"

"...right, we're great friends." You reluctantly agreed, forcing you own smile for his sake. "Do you mind if I play some guitar? This is my usual spot but-"

"Ohh, I forgot you had that...thing." Then he pointed to your acoustic instrument. "If you want me to leave I can-"

"No, no, you can stay! I'd hate to see you roaming Barbieland all night by yourself."

"Nah, I'm not really "roaming" aimlessly." He brushed off your worries, smoothing his hair out as though it was tousled by nonexistent wind. "I just sorta...wander around till I find a cozy spot. Sometimes I get lucky, but other times I imagine myself in her dreamhouse. I bet next time she'll let me stay over. Who knows? Maybe one day we can call it Barbie and Ken's Dreamhouse. Haha..wouldn't that be awesome, huh?"

At the end of his rambling, he had that same lovestruck appearance on his face as he rested his jaw on his fist, gazing at you.

That's the kind of look you wish he'd give you instead.

"Yeah, that would be cool." Once more, you agreed, before taking your guitar out of its case and placing it across your lap. "Well..I'm just gonna start practicing."

"Right. Thanks for listening, [y/n]. I'm just gonna sleep over here and dream of our future." He stood up and walked about ten steps towards a baby blue towel somebody left behind in the sand, laying down and curling up. "Goodnight."

"Goodnight, Ken. Sleep well."

Despite how uncomfortable he seemed, he had no problems dozing off as you heard light snores mere seconds after he closed his eyes. You saw a content smile gracing his lips and gazed at him for some time.

He never looked more peaceful.

"This one's for you.." You whispered softly, fingers gliding across the guitar strings as you began playing a song you've recently memorized.

Then you began singing ever-so quietly, closing your eyes and feeling the music flow through you.

""Do you wanna be friends?" I mean I wanna be more. But if "friends" is how I get to have you...then..sure. I'll be quiet in my pining. I won't tell you about the pain. I'll be silent in the night when I know that you're asleep..but I wanna ask you if you're awake.."

You weren't sure where you've heard this song before. It just popped into your mind one day and resonated with you so deeply, filling your plastic heart with a foreign feeling.

That being...the feeling of longingness. Pining.

Love.

It reminded you of Ken, and where your relationship with him currently stood...and possibly will remain for as long as you both lived.

You knew that he'd always choose Barbie over you at the end of the day, even though you've seen her reject him time and time again. He still kept chasing after her no matter what, always hoping she'll one day say "yes" to him staying over at her dreamhouse instead of shooing him away.

Eventually, he'd have to wake up and realize the truth.

Maybe then he'll finally see that you were the only one who ever gave him the time of day. The only one who truly cared about where he slept, if he was okay, etc.

The only one who truly loved him.

Perhaps in another life, it can be [Y/n] and Ken.

But for now, you just continued playing the guitar at him, even though he was off in dreamland, blissfully unaware that you were speaking to him through this song you were singing.

If only he knew your genuine feelings for him; although that may never happen since he's always calling you his "friend".

And if that's what he wanted out of this relationship, then...you'll have to settle for that. For his sake.

You'd hate to lose him.

"So we'll be friends, and I'll be okay. The world won't end if you don't love me, even if it feels that way..."

[the-dawn-star]

Place to Stay part 25(Klaus M. x Gilbert!Reader x Elijah M.)

A/N: Hello everyone and I'm really sorry about the long wait! I haven't been feeling great and I am completely lost with this story so I would love to hear your guys's ideas about the story. All comments and likes and stuff are really appreciated!!

-S

+2300ish words, proof read by @Ana_Mia_Lisa on ao3.

Lying in bed with darkness surrounding me was comforting. I could forget who I was and the deeds I had done on the last day or two. The only problem was that I laid in that massive bed alone, while Klaus moved to one of his many guest rooms. I felt bad for taking his bed, but Klaus had insisted on it. He had insisted on the fact that we should not go further than the kisses we had shared after I showed up on his doorsteps. I knew I might be annoyed by his behavior now, alas, I would probably thank him for that. But having the room only to myself made me feel like I wasn’t being watched at every second.  

I pulled the cover over my head, giving myself a nice, dark place. Being alone in the darkness, I felt a knot of hair at the back of my hair and I let out a deep sigh. I have had a headache since I first woke up. I had been up for nearly an hour trying to fall back asleep, but my thoughts didn’t let me do that. Instead, I had fallen into a quiet, hyperventilating mess, and because of a miracle, no one had heard me.

This time it didn’t take an hour to fall asleep. After all, I was exhausted. I had been exhausted for so long. I was asleep for minutes but it didn’t give me the rest I was so desperate for. My dreams are filled with images of Damon’s blood covering my body, of me killing him for good. But none of those images brought me joy.  

--- 

The raindrops hitting the window woke me up a third time. My sleep had been restless so waking up when my body didn’t any less rested as I felt when going to bed didn’t really surprise me. But it was calm, and mostly quiet except for the tiny dripping sounds of the raindrops. 

I closed my eyes again, hoping to get back to sleep. But the sleep would not return to me. Instead, the rain was overshadowed by fighting somewhere in the house. It was known that the Mikaelson family had its own issues but still; I wished I could yell at them to stop and let me sleep for just a minute longer. 

But all the sleep was pushed away from me when I heard my name being yelled at by a person I had known my whole life. I forced myself up and out of the warm covers and took one deep breath. Talking to my sister was going to be a hell of a screaming match and I was nowhere near being ready for that. 

I put my college pants back on and quickly made sure I was looking at least semi presentable. 

Walking out of the door was a shock just because the first thing I heard was my name being screamed once again by my sister. I didn’t want to see her face full of disappointment and anger that I had become so accustomed to. 

I walked to the first floor trying to find the source of the yelling. 

Also in the living room was my sister Stefan while Kol was lying on a couch, clearly intrigued by the screaming. Klaus meanwhile was sitting in an armchair, but the hybrid didn’t seem as impressed as his brother with the topic at hand. 

“What’s going on?” I asked, walking in and getting everyone's attention. 

Klaus almost jumped off of his chair and came to me taking a hold of my hand as if asking if I was okay. I smiled at him trying to reassure him of my mental state and turned my attention to my sister. My sister who looked disgusted by my closeness with the hybrid. 

“What is going on?” I asked again and walked past Klaus to my sister. 

“You really need to ask what was going on after you let Elijah and Klaus torture Damon and then stabbed him yourself.” 

I knew Elena was going to be upset but still it always hurt to see your only sister, only surviving family being upset by your actions, and your actions only. 

“Oh, calling it torture is a very big overstatement and I’m sure Damon is just fine and recovered from his wounds. And after all you have been there to nurse him back to help, I’m sure.” Elijah said, leaning on a door frame. 

I had to be thankful for Elijah saying something before I could embarrass myself. What I didn’t like was the clear innuendo that my sister was being more intimate with Damon than she should have (not that I had any room to judge how she spends her time). 

Kol let out a laugh enjoying the drama more than anyone should, but judging an immortal vampire was barely my place either. 

“What is it?” I asked as calmly as I did not want to continue bickering. I took my sister’s hand to mine trying to unpack the tension in the room. First, Elena looked at my hand that was holding hers and then turned to look at my face, unsure what to do next. I smiled at her, so dearly wanting to infuse the situation. But she did not respond and lowered her gaze from me. We all waited for a moment in silence.

“We came to take you home…,”  Stefan said, when it was clear that my sister wouldn’t be speaking. 

“Why would I come with you…?” I asked, confused, but I couldn’t pull my hand away from my sister's gentle grip.

My name was whispered so quietly that I almost missed it, before turning to my sister. 

“I- I found Jenna’s ring, you know the one that she promised you. I- I was wondering if you still wanted it…” 

For a quick moment, I didn’t see my sister in front of me. I saw the young girl who was terrified for life and cried silently at our parents' funeral. A young girl who was just as traumatized by her past as I was. She missed them so much, even if she didn’t talk about it with me, but she did miss them. She most likely still blames herself with Jenna’s death, and a clump traveled to my throat and my headache sent needles to my temples. I wanted to sleep, sleep on my own bed and fall into a deep sleep where I couldn’t be woken up by tiny raindrops. 

Another stab went through my head and the bright lights forced my eyes to flutter, trying to be okay with the lighting. 

“Yeah…, I- I would still like it if it’s okay with you.” 

“Of course…,”

“Let me just get my stuff and you know get ready…” I said, before letting go of Elena’s hand and almost ran away back to my safe haven. 

I threw the door open and ran to the small pile that included yesterday's clothing, clothing that was partially covered in Damon’s blood and tears. I bit my lip and turned away from my clothes. 

I’m sure he wouldn’t mind if I borrowed his clothing for a moment. 

I checked that the door was closed just to be sure, before hesitantly walking to Klaus’s closet. I wanted to be quick for the people downstairs and grab the first t-shirt and sweatpants I could find. 

I pulled my catch against my chest before hearing a low laugh behind me. 

I let out a small squeak out of panic and turned around only to see Klaus leaning on the door frame. For a moment I waited for a teasing comment by the hybrid about seeing me changing. I smiled already waiting for the comment, but it never came. Klaus looked mad and clearly had no time for humor. I let my smile fall and I pressed the pile to my chest, like it could protect me from anything.  

“Is something wrong?” I asked, kind of scared of the reaction I might get from him.  

“Your sister seems nervous…,” Klaus said quietly while walking right in front of me and I couldn’t help but to take an involuntary step back.  

“What do you mean?” I asked, wanting to stay oblivious to the subtext but I saw the anger bubbling under his skin. 

But in my mind, I wanted to scream, for once I had a good feeling about my sister. About the possibility of me not crying myself asleep for a fucking once. That I could have a nice day with my sister. So why, why was Klaus trying to ruin it?  

“Don’t...,” I whispered, warning him of something that I had no power to do.  

“I’m trying to keep you safe, when you clearly cannot do it yourself.”  

I had seen Klaus angry many times before, but not once had that anger been towards me. But now I can understand the reactions that my friends gave when they were the reason for his anger. *

I took another step back until the backs of my knees hit the bed.  

“Maybe she is just scared of being in a house with the man who killed her aunt.” 

I saw immediately that Klaus’s gaze softened. At least he had some sense of understanding to look apologetic. We hadn’t talked about the happenings of the full moon when Klaus had broken his curse and I was more than happy to bury it deep inside of me. I had learned to look at how bad the situation had been in all parts but still it didn’t mean that I didn’t miss my aunt.  

Klaus whispered my name and brought me back to reality with it.  

“I’m sorry, is that what you believe that I might care about your well-being?” Klaus was clearly annoyed by my distrust but still understanding of me wanting to be on my sister's side.  

“I don’t know...,” I admitted and let myself fall on the feather light bed.  

Klaus walked in front of me and pressed his warm hand against my cheek. His touch was so gentle and such a rare sight of kindness. I wanted to melt to his touch, I did melt to his touch. I wanted to kiss him and tell him of all the things I wanted to do.  

A tiny smile got to my lips. 

“If you cannot believe me, let’s say that what I'm about to do was my idea, and my idea alone..., can you accept that?” There was a tiny sense of pleading in his voice and my need to kiss him grew even more.  

“I just don’t want anyone to get hurt,” I whispered, not sure if I was saying yes to the hybrid’s plan. Maybe, it was just a statement without any correlation to anything we had spoken before. 

“No one needs to get hurt… You trust me, don’t you.” 

I looked up to see the gentle face of the man who had committed such horrible acts throughout history. I leaned to his touch. 

“Yeah, I trust you…” I admitted and took his hand to mine, carefully pulling him down to the bed with me. And to my surprise Klaus sat down next to me without a fight. 

“You are so beautiful, love…” Klaus said so quietly that I barely heard him but still his words got a smile to my face. It was nice to know that someone found you pretty, especially when normally you were mostly ignored by the people around you. 

But I had never been too good with telling my feelings to the people that I cared about. Particularly to the people who didn’t need to be around me. 

I didn’t know what to say. Was there an obvious answer to someone calling you pretty? 

So, I leaned in, giving him the time to push away, but he didn’t, letting me kiss him. 

There was no fire in the kiss. Just a gentle kiss, where both parties are scared of scaring the other person away. Like the fear of breaking the surface of the calm ocean that surrounded us. 

I pushed myself closer to him and pressed my hands to his chest slowly giving him the hint of laying down to the bed. Klaus got the hint quickly but wrapped his arms around you and took me to the bed with him. Klaus’s hands went up and down on my body, melting me to his arms. I was basically laying on top of him, trying to not to crush him. I needed to feel more, more of him, more of passion, more of anything that would keep my mind out of the mess of this town and its people.  

Klaus’s hands traveled down my back to my hips, while gently pulling me closer to him. Maybe Klaus felt the same way, maybe he is just as tired as I am. Maybe this is one way that he can feel like in control, like he isn’t just a pawn in someone else’s game.  

Maybe I could make him feel better about... well everything. 

But like so many times before, there was an unnecessary interruption.  

Someone cleared their throat and had to push myself off of Klaus’s touch that I wouldn’t simply ignore the person interrupting us.  

Klaus seemed clearly as bothered by the interruption as me, but still let me get off of him but didn’t bother sitting up as I did.  

But when I looked at the door, I simply wanted to die. Die and crawl to the deepest part of hell where no one could ever find me. Because at the door was standing my sister, who had nothing but bewilderment on her face, and Elijah who seemed to enjoy the situation a lot more than it should be allowed.  

“Hi...;” I said, trying to break the absurd tension but not succeeding as well as I would have hoped.  

“Are you ready to leave...?” I liked to think I knew my sister well, and moments like this proved it. There was a tiniest bit of anger and pain in her eyes. But she still tried to keep it together and I appreciated her for not yelling in front of Klaus and Elijah.  

But I knew what was going to happen.  

Taglist:

( @dark-night-sky-99 @venomsvll @teenwolfbitches28  @haloangel391  @queenthorin1 @ollieandbonnie @hcqwxrtss123 @redwolfs-things @theweirdoleigh @mostly-meg @fandom-princess-forevermore @musically-ambiguous @isawritesstories @felinegrate @i-like-horror-andshitt @original-siphon @meyocoko @eddiebea @multistanhell @haroldpotterson @anastacia1705 @fictional-characters-i-love-them @beingsthings @kiaraandrea @hazgold @hallecarey1 @ethereal-imagies @pinknerpersona @ lil-writer-523 @malfoylaufeysonweasleybarnes) @queen-of-arda bellamy1998 @susannahmikaelson @kleinegamerin @alnitakstarsky03 @meme-queen-1999 @hellish-witch

[solar-sunz]

Gabe,

Can you hear me?

Cause.. I think I need you to hear me right now. Even if you can’t, I’m going to pretend like you can right now, because I need you to be able to hear me.

I fear that I’ve lost the point. I know that if you were here, you’d tell me just want to do, and how to do it. I know you’d care enough to stay, but so many haven’t once they’ve learned the truth.

The second they get close enough to see that I’m not entirely the same as them, they run. They gather their men, and their torches or pitchforks and march to my door prepared to flush me out of my own town like some pest. Like a rodent. They see me as nothing more than a termite in the walls of the great house they call a city. But I am no more than a mold inside of the foundation, rotting away at the supports until it comes crashing down upon them.

I know you’d tell me not to think of myself like that, but I can think of myself as only inanimate when put face to face with their ever-clear mortality. Just like when I was put infront of yours and I ripped it so strongly from your wide open hands. Hands that saw me in nothing more than the most feral and bloodthirsty form, and turned wide open palms towards me. You allowed me to so easily bite through cartilage, bone, and rib to eat through your sugary sweet heart like it was nothing more than candyfloss.

You’d laugh if you saw me now, I know you would. You’d say I was an idiot for thinking I could change everything on my own, when I couldn’t change anything even when I had you by my side. But I know you’d commend me for trying. I hope you’d greet me with wide open arms and that sweet smile that I haven’t seen in too many years. But really I hope you’ll be upset. You didn’t deserve what happened. I wish every day that it had been me instead of you, but I cannot change the past. You would have known what to do if you were the one who had been bitten. I don’t even know where to start.

I tried to do good, Steph. I did. But it wasn’t good enough, and all they saw were fangs, and wings, and claws. Like they always do. And in calling themselves human, I have been deemed as less than. Was I ever truly worthy of the title “human”?

I know what you’d say now, if you saw me. You’d tell me to get it out, and then to get back up, dust off my wings and keep fighting. But I’ve been fighting for so long, Gabe.. I’m so tired of fighting. I want to be done fighting. But I cannot be done until they are done fighting, and so I must get back up and resume the fight even if I’ve not much fight left in me. You were the fight I had left in me, you were my flame, you were my battle axe, the extinguishing rain on the raging fire in the forest of my soul. The nourishing sunlight after a harsh winter.

It’s been so long since I’ve seen you last. It’s been over a century, Gabriel Stephen.

Almost two centuries, since we spoke last. Since I kissed you goodnight a final time.

It hurts, still. Have you ever considered that maybe all the ‘eternal life’ does if give you more time to dwell on things you’ve done wrong?

And I know you’d say something like ‘but it’s not your fault’, or ‘you weren’t in control of your body’. But.. It was, wasn’t it? Isn’t it my fault that I’m like this? And if I am the root cause for my condition, then wouldn’t it be my fault you died so gruesomely? You should have lived until you were beautiful, streaked with grey and freckled with age. But I ripped that chance straight from your throat with nothing but savage teeth and claws. I ate the life force from your palm like a starving dog left to die on the street, nurtured back to health with nothing but your gentle hand. But I destroyed you, and myself alongside.

I don’t really know what you’d say if you were next to me right now, but I know that you wouldn’t let me give up. I know you’d force me to keep going. So allow me this small reprieve, a short grace in between the fighting to sit myself next to your grave and read out one more goodbye to you.

Goodbye, goodbye.

Goodnight, sleep tight, and allow me to sing you to sleep one last time. I lay this final rose on your grave, and I know that I will see you once more next year. But for now, allow me to say goodnight. Let me honour you as you rest.

Goodnight.

Goodnight.

Goodnight.

[demeteruntouched]

Some things humility has meant to me in the last 24 hours:

• Going to the bathroom and feeling, with my whole body, that I could empty my bladder solely because the Dominant I'm talking to is permitting it. That she has ordered me to hold my bladder before and will do so again. The pleasure of relieving my need is an avenue she is allowing for now; there are others she will not.

• Not touching myself for five days despite feeling desperate to, and not because this Dominant has ordered me not to touch. But because I'm not certain I have permission. When I spend time with her in the evening, I think it's polite to ask permission, which she has been refusing, and I have been more eager to talk about the things she wants to talk about than to ask for a clarification about whether it's permitted in the day.

• I am used to thinking of a dominant as towering over me especially when she's choking me. There was a dominant -- a friend and mentor -- I once associated with the skyscraper I saw from her kitchen window, when I would sit where she told me and eat dinner with her. I changed trains in the shadow of that skyscraper every day, and stood beneath it imagining her ninety-five-storey presence above me. But now?

Now I am being commanded to reflect on my own smallness instead. It is not that this Dominant is an almighty protective or penetrative force; it's me who is vulnerable and receptive. She is protective, yes, but she isn't a god. I'm just a girl, and she is just a girl, and my place is below her. We are both quite impressive people, yes, but human. I am the one who must do the work of creating distance, through daily acts of lowering myself -- I'm not a pillow princess who can lay back and enjoy being dominated any more.

• Here in France a submissive is une soumise, very clearly "one placed below" -- so different from the sense of submit as "to yield". In English, humility, a "modest view of one's own importance" is from the Latin humilis, literally "on the ground", and humus, "earth", in the sense of the English to exhume and posthumous. When this Dominant tells me she wishes to humiliate me, she is not saying she wishes to hurt me (necessarily), but that she wishes to place me on the ground at her feet. And when I adopt humility, I am willingly choosing that place for myself.

• I used to be such a proud, excellent submissive. High pain tolerance, orgasms on command, flawlessly obedient. This Dominant is not interested in my being perfect as I have long tried to be -- as I have broken in her hands on finding I'm not -- she wants to find my weakness, my lowliness, and treat it tenderly. She wants to mould me into something better, and I do not need to be any more than I am.

[jj-stay]

bathe in passion pt.6

Word count: 1K

Pairing: chan x stya{ stay /reader}

Genre: fluff

Rating: PG-16

Warnings: suggestive, hickies, scratches, reader can't walk, the cringiest convo ever, my worst writing of all time {sorry}, horrible writing style,

☪️ Master List ☪️

Chris woke up and saw the sun hit her face. he then recalled all they had done the night before and remembered it was her first time and that she had just lost her V card to him and he now felt bad for making her sleep with him in that way after she had asked for them to go back to sleep he felt horrible. he regretted forcing to do that instead of when she was ready on her own time. he felt that he should have listened to her and let her go back to sleep like she wanted to even if it caused him discomfort or he could have gone to the bathroom to try to knock one off. He loved her in every way possible and he felt absolutely horrible for doing this he felt as though he had hurt her as if doing this to her had disrespected her, her wishes, her belief, her body, everything.

he felt awful. he wanted to do nothing more than to make it up to her, but the marking that littered her skin looked like works of art. he looked at her neck all the way down to her cleavage, where the blanket had reached to cover the rest, all had been covered in bite marks and hickies and love marks. there was a big part of him that felt proud, then felt guilty for feeling that way after he had forced her to lose her V card to him. you woke up to see him looking at you with a sad guilty expression not able to be hidden at his weak excuse of a smile.

you thought he was regretting sleeping with you. was it because he realized that your chubby stomach was gross or he realized it wasn't as beautiful as he said

"hey baby, i am. so. sorry for making you do something you didn't wanna do i never should have forced you to lose your V card to me i should have waited for you to be ready and now i feel horrible and-"

"ok first off calm down"you said stopping him in his speedy rant

"secondly you didn't force me to do anything i agreed to it-"

"but" he replied.

"no buts"

"you didn't pressure me to do it either it was just what i needed otherwise i might have never been ready"

"if anything i should be sorry that im not good enough i bet all the stretch marks made you feel disgusted and my chubby belly made you regret sleeping with me and for that i am so very sorry"

"okay first of all, what on earth are you talking about your body is the most beautiful thing i have ever seen in my entire life you are amazing in every way and i am honored that you let me be your first time you were amazing im just a little disappointing not in you but in myself for leaving so many marks on your beautiful skin {doesn't have to be white skin i know some of you beautiful chocolate queens have been feeling left out dont be flaunt that chocolate color mama} but i also feel extremely proud i kinda want to do more and wish i did on every inch of your body"

"and if anything your stretch marks are tiger stripes"

"so beautiful and shows off how brave and fearless you are and your body your curves are everything to me the very things that drive me insane that makes me understand why guys will want to watch and stare but still wont stop me from being jealous a little "

"you are especially sexy when you wear outfits that show off all your curves "

"and if you still don't believe me on that wasn't the Greek goddess of beauty often seen to be thick with hip dips and if the goddess of beauty can see the beauty in you why cant i ? "

"that was the sweetest thing I've ever heard thank you my love" you said.

"no problem" he replied.

"lets go get breakfast"

gets up and gets dressed when he hears something loud coming from the bedroom and runs back in to see you on the floor. he took a moment to take you in the fact that you were littered in hickies and love bites all over your abdomen all over your breasts neck collar bone and thighs had bruises, hickies and bites.

{he was still shirtless had a couple hickies but they would have all been hidden by a T-shirt easily}

"you mind helping me out i cant walk "

"or stand for that matter" you stated.

he smirks and picks you up and takes you to the bath which he had already set for you.

"aww you already set me a bath, so nice"

"thought you might want a nice hot bath after last night ." he winks at you.

you blushed.

"oh, and sorry for the scratch marks on your back "

"What?" he rushes to the mirror turns around and sees those scratches would be easy to hide with the t-shirt as well.

"yeah its fine "

"i would say sorry for the hickies but we both know that I'm not." he says as he smirks. leaves the bathroom and goes to the kitchen still shirtless and started making breakfast for everyone and that's when it hit him.

everyone.

as in the guys.

the guys he shares a dorm with.

his group mates.

they were here.

and with how loud luna was he highly doubted there's a chance they didn't hear.

just as he thought that ALL the guy walked in all looking tired

"I hope it was worth it."

"you know keeping us up all night"

>:( jisung pouted.

chan turns around.

"Yeah, sorry, i forget you guys were here."

minho: "what ever judging by the scratch marks on your back im guessing you did good, so im proud of you "

chan blushed so hard "lino what the hell dude " extremely embarrassed

binnie: "haha he's so red right now"

"baby come get me pls im done bathing and i cant stand up to dry off" stya said.

chan was now red-er that hyunjin's hair in maniac

lixie: "wow"

"my bro took away her ability to walk"

"I'm impressed yet somehow not surprised you could"

chan: "LIXIE!!!!!!!"

seungmin: "hes not wrong though"

i.n: "hes not wrong though"

chan got so flustered but he just turned off the stove after he had finished cooking and went to help stya.

[doing-something-unholy]

heard through the grapevine that you’re giving up orgasms for lent. what a surprise, father, and what a delight to learn how much you struggle with lust. do you think of christ as you endure these 40 days, his flesh-biting hunger and his parched mouth? i’m not a religious man, but i see the images of him prostrate on the walls of this church. your longing is the same. i wonder what he thinks, looking down at you from those stained glass panes. what you think, when you see his hard body sprawled out on that cross.

it’s amusing that refusing to touch yourself is tantamount to starvation for you. you dirty bitch. are you hard under those dress pants right now? i wonder how many times you’ve felt that friction these past weeks. fickle and slippery. how many times you’ve contemplated breaking your vows when no one but the lord can hear you.

it’d be easy. you have a young man with bent knees and an open mouth on the other side of this wall. all you’d have to do is cross it. and it wouldn’t take long (not after 21 days). and no one but your god would know. 

or maybe i’ll slip into your booth instead. what would i find, father? you, struggling against your fly and collar, unable to sit still? i could help with that. or maybe you’ve already exposed your shame, and i’d find you half-naked and bobbing in your hand. thinking i wouldn’t find out. i’d hate to have to stop you. or maybe you've already soiled yourself, and all i’d have to do is clean you up.

well. it’s lent. you’re beholden to your duties, even if i’m not. i could go home tonight and finger myself to the thought of your face behind the screen and come as many times as i please. would you like that?

i bet you’ve thought of worse. what filthy things did the devil whisper in jesus’ ear those 40 days in the desert? how did his father’s face contort when he saw what his son was thinking?

I- I- Oh... my God. No one has ever spoken to me like... That. But you're right, oh Lord have mercy, you're right.

I... I am sitting here hard, aching for release. I haven't gone so far as undressing but, I was touching, rubbing along the outside of my pants. Pulled my hand away like I'd been burned when you said something about it. I wish I could beg you to come over here, to help me with this. Would it work, if I whimpered and whined and said please so pitifully? Would you allow God to grant me mercy through you if I begged pretty enough? It's a shame I can't allow myself to break.

I should not be encouraging you to sin, but oh God yes, I would like the thought of you coming to the thought of me trapped under my obligations, enjoy yourself while I can't.

You're not wrong, I've thought of so, so much worse. I've thought of someone punishing me for being a dirty bitch, I shouldn't be struggling this much with lust and temptation. I... I think about someone giving me exactly what I want, but rough and hard and so forceful that maybe the hurt and bite of it is penance enough to make up for the sin.