#I wish that instead of forcing myself I do things that hurt my body as a child I just threw a fit and didn't do things | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

bvidzsoo · 1 year ago

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Who am I?

Author: bvidzsoo

Warnings: mentions of a gun, cursing, smut

Pairing: Jeong Yunho x female reader

Word count: 14,2k

Summary: Going through the dark passageway late in the night really wasn't your greatest idea, but the angels were on lookout that night and sent Jeong Yunho as your savior. But what happens when you realize Jeong Yunho isn't at all what he seems to be?

A/N: Uh...hi? This piece here really shouldn't exist, like the way I wrote it was so against the routine I have when doing stories, I'm even shocked it became real. It also was supposed to be a mere longer drabble but oh well, I suck at writing short stories either way. Also, Jeong Yunho is a constant in my mind lately so...ig it was inevitable that I write something with him. *sigh* There's smut in here and ugh...yeah, I tried again lol. Leave feedback, I very much appreciate it and stay tuned for the next chapter of the rockstar!au Mingi story! Enjoy now and tell me your thoughts!

⟨Masterlist⟩

It really was my fault; I should have been smarter before turning down the dimly lit passageway between the two tall buildings. But the path towards my flat was shorter this way, and I was in a hurry, desperate to finally get home after a long and busy day. The streets were quiet as night had settled upon the otherwise lively city and as I exhaled through my mouth, a little puff of smog appeared in the chilly air. My hands slipped deeper into the pockets of my black bomber jacket as I nuzzled my nose more into it, the tip of it unmistakably red. Winter struck upon us quite unexpectedly and the hope that we still had a few more days of sunshine and as little warmth as the sun could offer came crushing down when the wind picked up two days ago and snow started falling immediately. And what was even worse is that the temperatures dropped so low that everything had frozen over by now and it was slipper; in the past ten minutes I have almost fallen on my bum at least three times. But the little scare got my heart pumping faster, and I wasn’t feeling as cold as I was supposed to despite the layers of clothing adorning my body.

There was a light shuffle behind me, that was the first thing which caught my attention, and then suddenly, the dark figure standing a few feet ahead close to the wall, as if they were facing it, was the second thing to alarm me. My heart leaped slightly as my hands balled up into fists in my pockets, but I quickly tried to calm myself down. Not all men were evil and not all men wanted to hurt women, and I wasn’t even sure it was a man standing up front. My legs carried me faster and I gulped when the person whipped their head around to look at me. My hunch was right, it was a man, and he had a bloodied lip as I took in his face while still approaching. I quickly averted my eyes and quickened my pace, hoping that if I ignored him, he would ignore me as well. I had nothing on me if he decided to attack me, I could only hope my fists were good enough and I wouldn’t break my fingers if I was forced to use brute force. I only would have had to take three more steps to be past the man, but he suddenly jumped in front of me and I came to a halt as he squared me up. I tried not to let him see the fear I was feeling pulsing through my body as I clenched my jaw as my body lightly trembled from the adrenaline coursing through my bloodstream.

“Hey there, bunny.” My eyebrows furrowed at his raw voice, almost as if it was hard for him to speak as a disgusting smirk painted his lips. I suddenly wished I had taken the longer way, walked on the main road instead of this shortcut. When the man realized I wouldn’t say anything back, he tsked, “Are you shy, little bunny?”

Nicknames were annoying in a normal scenario and it was only making my skin crawl right now, but I remained silent, gripping the keys of my flat’s front door which I had in my left pocket. One wrong move from the man, and I wouldn’t hesitate to stab him with it.

“Why are you not answering me?” His voice got rougher and he took a wobbly step towards me, and without much thought, I whirled around with the purpose of walking back the way I have come, but another man was blocking my path. He looked lanky and was hunched over as his lips pulled into a scary sneer. I was cornered. My hands started trembling more as I took a deep breath, trying to think level headed, but my mind was clouded with panic as I searched for an escape route without much success. Before I could even react, the man with the busted lip approached me from behind and as I turned to be able to see him, his rough hand made contact with my left shoulder. I quickly yanked myself away and slightly crashed into the concrete wall of the building behind me.

“Don’t touch me!” I managed to snap out with a shaky voice, yet it sounded rough. It certainly didn’t match the way I was feeling, scared absolutely shitless.

“Is my little bunny scared?” If I wasn’t so scared I probably would’ve seen red at his claim over me, and it only made it worse as the other man chuckled. My eyes snapped towards him before quickly looking back at the other man when I realized he tried to grab at me again.

“I said, don’t touch me!” I shrieked and went to push him backwards, breathing irregularly as I was full on shaking, on the verge of a break down. But if I started crying I would look helpless, which I was, and I probably wouldn’t be able to see anything, so I willed myself to blink away the tears quickly.

“You little bitch, you wanna play rough?” The man spat as he had stumbled backwards from my push and I shrunk against the wall when the taller one suddenly started approaching, a hungry stare in his eyes. My lips started trembling and I went to yank out my keys and lunge at the taller one, but a very amused chuckle halted everyone’s actions. All I could think about was a third man coming to do vile things to me and at the thought, a few tears rolled down my cheeks, but I quickly wiped at them when I saw the battered-up man smirking in my direction at my distress.

“I thought I beat your sorry ass into unconsciousness.” At the hear of the third person’s voice, the battered-up man suddenly froze and his eyes widened as the taller one took a step back, leaving just enough space for me to run away, “What are you still doing out here?”

The battered-up one cursed under his breath before putting on a fake smile as he whirled around, facing the third man. I was too scared to look, shaking, as I pondered whether it was the distraction I needed to run away, “I was just playing with my little bunny, you should go on your way—”

“She doesn’t look like she wants to play with you, Siwon.” The third man snapped and my eyebrows furrowed at the familiarity of his tone. It resembled someone’s I knew from my university, but I remained unmoving as the tall man slowly backed away, “And you, Nikhun, I thought I said I didn’t want to see you around here, anymore…”

“I was just passing by.” The taller one, Nikhun, stiffly said before he abruptly turned around and took off almost in a run as the familiar voice just chuckled. My muscles slightly relaxed as I realized I could now just run back the way I had come, and moving slowly, I started heading just that way.

“I know I said I wasn’t going to kill you, Siwon,” The familiar sounding man tsked as I continued slowly walking with my back pressed up against the building’s cold wall, “But you’re really testing my patience lately.”

“Fuck you, man.” Siwon spat and I jumped when there was suddenly a loud crash and an exasperated scoff. I froze and didn’t dare breathe as I felt eyes on me. I didn’t know who was looking at me or what happened, I was scared to turn my head and look. I had to run. But as I pushed myself away from the wall, the familiar voice suddenly called out.

“It’s okay now, Y/N.” What—I whipped my head around and first took in the scene. Siwon, the battered-up man, was lying on the ground unconscious by the big trashcan. The loud bang must’ve been him. With wide eyes, I looked at the third man alarmed, and my jaw dropped as I stood staring at the familiar face of Jeong Yunho. Everyone knew him at university and everyone loved him. Jeong Yunho was like the sunshine. He was always smiling and laughing, cracking harmless jokes and hitting up a conversation effortlessly with anyone. He was kind and considerate, he always helped out anyone who needed help. He would carry your stuff if they were heavy and he’d walk you home if it was too late. He held the door open for anyone and he would make place for you at the Cafeteria if there were no more empty spots. The Jeong Yunho who was often found in the library with his nose buried in books, typing furiously on his laptop, and always turning in his assignments way before their deadline. He wore light colors and fluffy clothes, often paired with hilarious beanies and hats. But the guy standing a few feet away from me looked nothing like the Yunho I have taken glances at or heard stories about. Yunho and I weren’t friends, we were far from being acquittances even, but everyone knew him at our university and that included me. We were people from two very different universes and I had no idea how he knew my name. Yes, sure, we would cross paths in the library at times when I was in a rush as my deadline was a day or two away, and yes, I did almost spill my coffee on him once, but there was never a conversation involved or an exchange of names. Just a small, “Oh, my, God! I’m so sorry, that was a close call.”, and a “Don’t worry about it, you have great coordination, you stopped in time.” If I would have had great coordination, I wouldn’t have nearly ran into him, but I didn’t have the time to tell him that as I was late to work.

“Yun—Yunho?” I stuttered out finally once I was one hundred percent convinced it was Jeong Yunho. The dimly lit passageway made it harder to see his face from where I was standing and his clothes were unrecognizable, but it was his voice which confirmed his identity.

“Jeong Yunho in person.” He chuckled and I finally pulled myself together and slowly started approaching him. My legs were slightly shaky and I was still clutching my keys tightly in my left hand, but my heartbeat was slowly calming down. I passed by Siwon and took a peek against my better judgement, eyes widening when I saw the little trickle of red from the side of his head. Was he…going to die?

I looked up as I came to a stop a few steps away from Yunho and exhaled, coming face to face with a very unfamiliar looking Jeong Yunho. Despite the cold weather he was wearing a black leather jacket over what seemed to be a long-sleeved form fitting blouse with graphic design on it, and wide black jeans hugged his legs with the blouse tucked in, showing off his waist. His neck was decorated with various necklaces and as he extended one hand towards me, I noticed all the rings on his long fingers. I gulped as I looked back up at him, slightly intimidated and mostly confused. His black hair was completely pushed back and the usual fluffiness was gone from it.

“Come, you’re safe now.” Yunho encouraged me with his usual warm smile, but it didn’t reach his eyes. My eyebrows furrowed as I reluctantly extended my hand and placed it in his palm, gasping when he yanked me forward, making me jump over Siwon’s slumped body. Yunho smirked as I somehow managed not to fall against his chest, big eyes staring up at him in shock, “Good thing I was passing by, angel, or else these two…”

He didn’t finish his sentence and he didn’t have to; I knew. I gulped and became aware of the awfully obvious height difference between the two of us and scrambled to pull my hand out of his, but Yunho’s grip suddenly tightened and he stepped closer, making me tip my head back as I tried looking in his eyes. My heart was racing once again and I could feel a blush creep up onto my cheeks as Yunho’s eyes examined my face with a small smirk, “What are you doing out here so late at night?”

“I—” My mind blanched for a second as Yunho’s cold fingers intertwined with mine, “I had the evening shift today, I—I was just walking home.”

“It’s unsafe at this hour.” Yunho’s voice turned stern and I averted my eyes, suddenly embarrassed that I was getting scolded by him, “And especially through this neighborhood, Y/N. You should’ve stuck to the main road instead.”

“I know.” I grumbled under my breath and Yunho chuckled, his voice deep, and it only made me flush harder as I avoided eye contact.

“Let’s get you home.” He said quietly and I looked at him alarmed, extracting my hand from his as he started walking us towards the end of the passageway.

“I can walk on my own—” I said in a panic, not wanting Yunho to walk with me. I wasn’t even far away, I have taken this route so many times before, I was going to be fine now that those two men were gone, but Yunho’s tone definitely made me rethink my words as he spoke up.

“You are not walking on your own, especially around here.” Yunho’s voice was sharp and he threw me a quick glare as he looked behind, at me, “Do you not know anything about this place?”

I shrugged and pushed my hands into my pockets again, “I do, but it’s not that big of a deal. I always walk home at this time and nothing has ever happened. I just had bad luck tonight.”

“Bad luck, you say.” Yunho scoffed, face contorted into disgust, “The things those two would’ve done to you would have been terrible, Y/N, and you call it bad luck?”

“Okay, fine.” I snapped and walked up to his side, giving him a wide-eyed stare, “Walk me home then, but this is fucking weird. How do you even know my name?”

Yunho’s eyebrows furrowed and his sharp stare made me gulp as I shrunk back, walking a little further away from him, “We go to the same university.”

“I’m not popular.” I deadpanned and Yunho shrugged, looking ahead as his jaw clenched and unclenched.

“You once scribbled in a book from the library and I was at the front desk when the librarian lost it. She rambled on about you for a good fifteen minutes before I was finally allowed to rent the book I wanted.” I cleared my throat in embarrassment, remembering well what the next day looked like when I walked inside the library. I have skipped going there for the next two months from shame as the librarian had screamed at me for ten minutes without even as much as taking a breath.

“Whatever, it’s still weird.” I muttered and nuzzled my nose behind the neckline of my jacket, regretting now that I haven’t worn a scarf. Yunho just chuckled and cast me a side glance as his longs legs carried him around faster than my shorter ones; it almost felt like I was jogging next to him. He must’ve been cold with how few clothing items he was wearing. I couldn’t help but let my eyes wander towards him as I took in his appearance again, deciding that this version of Yunho was intimidating and quite…hot. His bright persona was certainly eye catching but this felt different, alluring almost.

“It’s not weird,” Yunho said with a chuckle, lips pulling into an amused smile, “I’m just observant.”

I hummed, but didn’t look at him as I asked my next question while we crossed the road, “What are you doing here, anyway?”

Yunho chuckled again, but it was lower and as we looked at each other briefly, there was a dark glint in his beautiful chocolate brown eyes, mischief written all over his face, “Wouldn’t you like to know?”

I rolled my eyes and quickened my pace, just wanting to get home already. I was tired and cold.

“Do you have the evening shift often?” He asked after a minute of silence.

“Wouldn’t you like to know?” I fired back and Yunho laughed, head tilting back slightly, “Don’t expect me to give you an answer when you evade mine with a question.”

“You didn’t look like you’d be this feisty, angel.” My steps halted as I stared at Yunho incredulously, eyes slightly widening in offense. What did he mean by that?

“I’m tired.” I called out since Yunho hadn’t stopped walking and now I had to jog to catch up with his long strides, “And you’re walking too fast.”

“My apologies.” Yunho suddenly slowed down and looked at me with a big smile, the first time he looked like the Yunho I knew from university, “Sometimes I forget not everyone has long legs like mine.”

“Yeah,” I rolled my eyes, “I wonder how’s the weather up there.”

Yunho suddenly laughed, pressing a palm against his lips as it was loud, “I haven’t heard that one in long.”

I just hummed and cast another glance at him, confused of our whole conversation and the situation we were in. To be fair, I was grateful for him, of course I was, but the shock still hadn’t worn off and I was still slightly thrown off by his demeanor and change of personality…and looks. We continued walking in silence, steps hurried as the wind started blowing harder and all I could think about was Yunho being cold and getting sick because of his choice of clothing. However, the quiet didn’t last for long around us as we heard approaching footsteps, it sounded like they were running towards us. Yunho and I looked back at the same time and I failed to notice the way his expression hardened and jaw set. Before I could react, a heavy arm was draped around my shoulders and I was pulled into a sturdy body, warmth wrapping around myself and a masculine scent. I looked up at Yunho flabbergasted before watching the running man again as he came to a stop a few feet away from us.

“Hey, Yunho—” He panted as he leaned forward, resting his hands on his knees, “Finally found you, man.”

Yunho said nothing as he watched the guy, strengthening his grip against my shoulder when I tried to move away. My eyebrows furrowed as I struggled for a bit more, until Yunho clicked his tongue and I looked up at him, feeling his gaze on me already. His eyes were sharp and dark and I gulped as I looked away, stilling in his grip when he looked back at the younger looking guy, “What do you want?”

His voice sounded nothing like the friendly person I have been just talking to, it was ice cold and it made me shiver.

“Yeah, uh,” The guy glanced at me reluctantly, “Cheol wants the money. Soon.”

Yunho scoffed and rolled his eyes as I looked at him curiously, wondering where this conversation was going, “I thought I have made myself clear already, Chan.”

“Hey, don’t shoot the messenger, alright?” The shorter guy scoffed and stood up straight, his eyes hardening as he looked at Yunho now with a slight glare, “You’ve been avoiding us for months now, Cheol is getting fed up…so is everyone else.”

“And I have a reason for that,” Yunho snapped, anger coating his voice, “which you all know of. If you want my money, do your fucking end of the deal for once.”

“Was the merch not good enough last time?” Chan raised an eyebrow. These two were acting like I wasn’t even there, so I tried to get out of Yunho’s grip again, but instead, he gripped my nape and roughly pushed my head into his chest, making me gasp. I clutched against the collar of his leather jacket and tried to pull away, but Yunho’s strength was immense, so, instead my cheek was mushed against his firm chest, his musky cologne invading my senses and making my head slightly dizzy.

“If it were good, you would’ve seen the money by now.” Yunho’s voice held no emotions and I watched as best as I could from my position as he reached with his right hand behind himself, moving at what looked like lightning speed to me, but with my vision obscured I wasn’t able to see what was in his hand, “Go back to Cheol and tell him to get his fucking act together before I take action.”

“Asshole.” I heard this Chan guy snap and then an unsettling silence followed. I bit my lower lip and wondered what was going on, and it didn’t take long to find out as he spoke up soon again, “Got yourself a shiny new toy?”

“She’s a person, not a toy, Chan. And she’s not mine.” Yunho’s voice was rough and my breath halted for a second as I felt Yunho’s fingers twitch against my skin. I moved my head slightly to look up at him and caught the quick glance he sent down at me. It was dark and emotionless, yet it held a clear warning that I needed to stay quiet. My heart skipped a beat involuntarily.

“You better claim her then, before Cheol gets his hands on her—”

“Get lost, right now.” I have never heard such a threatening tone from anyone before, and my blood froze over at the anger and sneer in Yunho’s voice as he grabbed onto the back of my head tightly, making me freeze as I heard the click of something. Was…was he holding a gun? I gasped quietly as my fingers dug harder into the fabric of Yunho’s jacket and I heard the Chan guy cackle before his footsteps stared fading away. Yunho, however, didn’t move and I was too scared to do so as I realized I had started shaking. Suddenly, my head was being pulled back by Yunho’s hand on my nape and we made eye contact as he looked down at me menacingly.

“Not a word to anyone.” I exhaled shakily and frantically nodded my head as I dared to take a glance at his other hand, which, to my horror, held a black gun. My blood ran cold as Yunho released me at the same time as he put his gun away, behind himself, probably in the belt of his jeans, “Let’s go.”

And the rest of the walk was silent and hurried as I almost ran to finally get home, confused and scared and needing a shit ton of answers to the questions swirling in my head, which Yunho was probably unwilling to give. I valued my life above all, and therefore I remained silent, besides, the anger oozing off of him was enough to shut me up despite my sparkling curiosity. Who the hell was Jeong Yunho?

The next day I did everything in me to forget about last night’s endeavors and about Jeong Yunho. I could act like nothing happened, like it was all just a dream. And everything was going well, until…until Yunho and I crossed paths in our university’s hallway. Well, we didn’t actually cross paths, but we saw each other briefly as I was walking with my best friend to class and Yunho was headed towards the stairs, the two of us on the two opposite ends of the long hallway. My friend was talking about the book she was currently reading and I would hum or nod along to her words, letting her know that I was paying attention despite being silent as we walked, my hands gripping the straps of my backpack. I nodded in agreement at her characterization of a character we both enjoyed from the book, when I finally looked ahead and my mind blanked. It certainly did feel like last night was a fever dream as Yunho stood on the other end of the hallway, black hair falling in soft curls against his forehead with his rainbow-colored sweater hanging loosely around his frame, big hands disappearing in the sleeves of it. His jeans were a faded grey and he was laughing as he talked to someone, eyes disappearing and cheeks puffed out. He looked nothing like the guy from last night and it gave me whiplash as his menacing and threatening eyes flashed before my eyes just as Yunho suddenly looked ahead, his eyes finding mine, looking at me with the warmest gaze anyone could muster up. I realized I was gaping, but I couldn’t help it when my brain convinced me that Jeong Yunho from right now and Jeong Yunho from last night weren’t the same person.

“Are you staring at Yunho right now?” My best friend’s voice finally snapped me out of my staring and I looked at her with the same wide eyes.

“I—yeah, but—” I needed to get it together, “That’s not Jeong Yunho.”

“Uh,” My friend looked at me like I had grown another head, “then who is he?”

“I don’t know, but—” I let out a long huff, eyebrows furrowing as I looked back at Yunho, “but that’s not the same guy from last night, I’m telling you.”

I could see the confusion on my friend’s face as she looked towards Yunho, crossing her arms in front of her chest, “He looks like—Yunho. I mean, what are we even talking about right now? Did you hit your head or something?”

“Stop it.” I snapped at her and pushed at her shoulder in frustration, making my friend glare at me, “He must have two personalities or something.”

“That’s not a very nice thing to say about someone, Y/N.” My friend chastised me and I groaned in frustration. Of course she wouldn’t understand. She wasn’t there. She didn’t see the Yunho I have. Coming to think of it…I don’t think anyone had from around here, seeing as everyone was flocking towards him and acting so freely with him. His laughter carried down the hallway and it was soft, his cheeks slightly rosy as a girl leaned too close to him and he averted his gaze shyly. He was void of all the accessories he had been wearing last night and his clothes were what I was used to seeing him wear on a daily basis. He kept shifting from one foot to another as a guy threw his arm around Yunho’s shoulders as the two giggled about something, Yunho covering his mouth before whispering something to him back with a cheeky smile. The image of him holding a gun suddenly flashed behind my eyes and I jumped, sucking in a sharp breath of air. My friend looked at me like I was crazy and I averted my eyes from Yunho, looking at her like I have seen a ghost.

“There’s something very wrong with that guy, I’m telling you.” I muttered as I grabbed her wrist and pulled her in the opposite direction, scared of facing Yunho after his weird personality shifts.

“You sound super crazy right now, bestie.” I rolled my eyes and huffed as my best friend taunted, cackling when she saw the discontentment on my face.

And the days passed just like that. Jeong Yunho, wearing every existing bright color, avoiding eye contact when he felt shy and hiding behind his hand when he laughed a little too hard. His cheeks had a flush to them constantly and he would carefully arrange his wavy bangs against his forehead. It was confusing. I was becoming convinced with each passing day that what had happened that night was just a fever dream, and that it was so real that my mind decided to believe it. Perhaps I was lucid dreaming or something, it wouldn’t be the first time. Two weeks had gone by since my strange encounter with Yunho and I have finally come to terms with the fact that maybe what happened wasn’t even real. It couldn’t have been, not when Yunho didn’t even glance my way once. Not when he remained the bright and lovely popular boy and I…continued almost missing my deadlines, which meant I was coped up in the library currently, searching for the book I needed without having much luck in finding it. I was too lazy to ask the librarian as I would need to descend the stairs, so I instead grew more and more frustrated as I stomped around between the bookcases. I was surely disturbing someone, but I didn’t care. Eyes set on the books, one title caught my attention and I stopped, hoping that it was the book I needed. It was at eye level and I pulled it back just enough to be able to see the cover and title of it. I felt like banging my head against the shelf when I realized it wasn’t the book I needed, and with a very loud sigh/groan, I pushed it back harshly, almost screaming when a human head was casually leaning against the bookshelf next to the book I had just examined. My heart beat like crazy as I gaped at Yunho, his warm eyes twinkling with amusement as his eyebrows were slightly furrowed. His baby pink shirt hugged his frame messily as the collar fell a little low, showing off the smooth skin of left shoulder, and his dark green cargo pants were an interesting choice to wear. Yeah, this was the Jeong Yunho I knew. Dressing quirky and looking almost like an oversized puppy as his lips were pushed into a pout. I couldn’t find any words to say so I just scrambled through my brain for something, pushing my hair behind my ears as Yunho continued staring. It was becoming too much, his gaze.

“What?” I managed to say, still at a loss and not knowing how I should approach him.

“Hi.” His lips suddenly pulled up into the brightest smile I had ever seen, and his eyes twinkled with so much warmth that I took a step back. I’m going crazy, aren’t I?

“Hi.” I willed myself to greet him back, taking another step back as Yunho took one towards me, smile still on his face. He didn’t say anything else as he proceeded to come closer and closer, making me chuckle nervously as I continued putting distance between the two of us, not for long though. My back soon ran into the bookshelf and I internally whined as it cut into my back sharply. Yunho came closer, caging me in between the bookshelf and his body, making my heart somersault as I looked up at him confused, but intrigued. He was still smiling, still looking as friendly as ever, still the bright and well-liked guy from our university. Suddenly, his arms raised and were placed on each side of my head, slightly above. Yunho went and leaned down a bit, crooking an eyebrow as my eyes widened and body shrunk against the hard shelf. His musky cologne wrapped around me once again, and the events of that night flashed before my eyes without a warning.

“What are you doing?!” I whispered, sounding panicked as Yunho looked almost confused by my reaction. Almost as if it didn’t make sense that I was reaction to him like this. But I had every reason to, I can’t be crazy.

“I’m looking for a book,” He said with a light tone, expression calm, “this is the medical section. You know I’m studying to become a doctor, right?”

“No.” My answer was instant; I had no idea what his major was. I only heard rumors about how great he is, not about what he does or studies here.

“Oh, now you know.” Yunho said surprised and looked above my head, grinning happily as he reached out. What the hell was happening?

“You’re majoring in architecture, right?” I nodded wordlessly, confused as to how he knew once again something about me. I never told him. Just like with my name.

“So, did the librarian tell you this too about me?” I asked, sounding a little accusatory, as I raised an eyebrow at Yunho. He chuckled and shook his head, looking down at me in amusement.

“Not quite, I figured it out when I saw you leaving class a good while ago.” Right. He saw me leaving class. Sure. My eyes narrowed at him and I licked my lips, about to slip away and go on my merry way as this whole interaction was weird and confusing, but as if Yunho read my mind, he stepped even closer, the front of our boots touching. I looked up at him alarmed, eyes widening as Yunho lowered one arm, holding a book.

“This is so weird,” I muttered to myself, feeling uncomfortable, “Is there something wrong with you?”

My question was quite offensive and I didn’t think it through before I said it out loud, but it didn’t seem to affect Yunho as he started giggling quietly, eyes becoming smaller as his cheeks flushed. How was this the same man from that night? Did he have a twin or something? Why would his name be Yunho too? Was he fucking around with me? Or did he just have multiple personalities?

“I don’t think there’s anything wrong with me, angel.” My body tensed at the nickname and I watched as Yunho composed himself, and yet, the Yunho suddenly caging me against the shelf wasn’t the same Yunho from just a second ago. The friendliness and warmth slipped from his face as his eyes slightly narrowed, darkening as a smirk appeared on his lips instead of the cute smile he directed at everyone. My heart started beating faster as he bit his lower lip, leaning down even more to be eye level with me, making my breath catch in my throat, “Do you think there’s something wrong with me?”

“Something very wrong.” I managed to whisper as Yunho chuckled darkly, the knuckles of his free hand suddenly grazing against my cheek. I flinched, but didn’t pull away as his eyes ran over my face. The way his wavy hair fell in his eyes made them look sharper. He oozed danger and my mind screamed at me to high tail it out of there, yet my feet remained planted.

“There’s nothing wrong with someone who has a colorful personality, angel,” Yunho’s deep voice rang through my ears as he leaned in to whisper in my left ear, goosebumps erupting on my skin, “Have you told anyone about our encounter from that night?”

I quickly shook my head no and Yunho smirked, pulling back and gripping my chin tightly, yanking me forward and knocking the wind out of my lungs, “Good girl, keep doing that. I’m afraid something might happen to you if you decide to blabber on about it to someone.”

I shuddered as his piercing gaze kept me locked in, a whisper barely passing between my lips, “Like what?”

The sinister look which crossed Yunho’s face felt like a punch to my gut and I suddenly remembered the gun he owned. He’d shoot me. He’d kill me. Of course he would, something told me he wouldn’t hesitate or think twice about it.

“I would have to punish you—” He bit his lower lip as he paused for a second, making me realize I started shaking, “And not in the way I would love to.”

“Fuck.” I muttered, gripping his wrist and lightly pushing against it. His words were meant to be threatening, and they were, I was shaking after all…but his words also did something to me as my stomach twisted and body shivered, eyes subsequentially falling onto his red and plush lips. Yunho’s smirk widened and he leaned so incredibly close that I could feel his breath hitting my lips, his skin seemingly flawless from up close. My fingers closed around his wrist tighter as my back melted into the bookshelf behind me.

“Let’s keep it our little secret for now, angel.” His thumb swept against the skin of my chin, my face flaming at the motion, “And I shall reward you if you’re a good girl.”

“How?” I whispered, looking into Yunho’s dark eyes.

“You shall wait and see.” He winked and before I could think more about his words, he was gone just as quickly as he had come. I was left blinking confused at nothing and struggling to breathe regularly as Yunho’s warm, and big, hand left my skin burning where he had touched. What have I indirectly gotten myself involved into?

Things happened the same way like the first time after my strange encounter with Yunho in the library. He didn’t look my way, he didn’t acknowledge me, he didn’t speak to me for at least a good two weeks. It was weird, everything he was doing. I had so many unanswered questions, but I pushed them to the back of my mind and hoped that whatever weird thing going on between Yunho and I would stop for good now. I didn’t want to get tangled up in something which felt so unsure and dangerous. I still haven’t forgotten the gun Yunho owned nor the conversation between him and that Chan guy. Even a dumb person would’ve understood that there was something illegal, at least, going on between the two of them and I didn’t want to get involved. However, the radio silence didn’t last for long as it was another Thursday and I was closing up the small convenience store I was currently working at. I had the evening shift again; the clock was close to hitting midnight and it was snowing heavily outside. I sighed when I realized I would have to walk twenty minutes just to get home. There were no signs of snow half an hour ago, it came out of the blue and I watched as a group of teenagers ran past the convenience store laughing loudly and having a snowball fight. I couldn’t share their joy as I shrugged on my coat, the weather had been nice today, I thought it wouldn’t get cold and thus abandoned my thick winter jacket, which I came to regret now. I switched off the lights and braced myself for the cold as I pushed open the door and instantly shuddered. There was a freezing chill in the air and it clung to my body as I quickly tightened the scarf around my neck, at least I had half a mind to bring one with myself. I struggled for a few seconds with the lock, it's been acting up for a while now but the owner didn’t bother to fix it, until I heard a click and pushed against the door, making sure I have truly locked it. I whirled around to stalk off towards the bus stop, with little hope that the last bus hadn’t went by already. However, I was quickly forced to stop by the sight in front of me. Yunho, painfully underdressed for the current weather, stood leaning against a black massive car. It was an SUV, a very expensive looking one.

“Evening, angel.” My jaw shouldn’t have almost hit the pavement, but I couldn’t help but gape at him. What was he doing here? Why was he here? Was that his car? How? Was he rich? Now that I come to think of it, I have no idea what Yunho does outside of university or the type of family he comes from. The sudden realization of knowing exactly nothing about him besides the persona he paints himself as was startling as a sly grin crossed Yunho’s features. It made my stomach flip.

“What are you doing?” I managed to ask, reluctantly walking closer to him. Yunho pushed his hands inside the pockets of his leather jacket, which looked thicker than the one he wore on the night he had to save me from those two creeps. His jeans were ripped and black and a very tight, form fitting, white shirt clung onto his well-defined body. With a black baseball cap over his wavy hair he looked extremely handsome underneath the street light, I had to stop myself from letting my eyes wander all over his body once again.

“Saw how hard it started to snow,” Yunho spoke up casually, smirking when I stopped a few feet away from him, “Figured you might just take the shortcut again, so, I’m here to pick you up.”

“No, you’re not.” My answer rushed through my lips instantly and I looked at him startled, slightly taking a step back as Yunho pushed off his car, “I am perfectly capable of walking home and besides—I might still catch the last bus.”

“It went by while you were still locking up, angel, just accept my offer and stop being so stubborn.” Yunho sounded slightly irritated as he walked closer, head lowered so that I was able to see his eyes from this angle. They were narrowed and I gulped, realizing that he wasn’t playing nice nor would act goofy like at university, this was the weird and intimidating version of Yunho.

“Excuse me if I’m hesitant in accepting your offer, Yunho,” I snapped, slightly fed up with the constant whiplash this guy was giving me, “But I have no actual idea who you are and so far you’ve been acting like a stalker. You know my name, you know my major, you randomly show up when I’m in trouble and then you walk me home despite my complaints. You proceed to act completely different than the guy I’m used to seeing at university and you have strange conversations with weird people who are threatening you and are calling me yours like I’m simply just a piece to be put on display and you—you have a gun! And you’ve threatened someone with it. So, yeah, I don’t exactly want to get in your car for you to—drive me home? Or kill me. Or do something else to me.”

“If I wanted to do something to you or harm you I would’ve already done so, Y/N, I had plenty of chances for that.” My jaw hung open once again at Yunho’s instant reply, heart hammering at his admission. Is this seriously the only thing he’s taken from my rant? Which felt good to finally get off my chest, but it seemed to make no difference as Yunho shook his head lightly and suddenly invaded my personal space, taking me completely off-guard, “Who I am at university and who I am outside of it might seem like two completely different people to you, but it’s me. I’m not always happy, and goofy, and I’m not always in a good mood. I just don’t like showing the real me around people.”

“I am people, so what’s different?” I scoffed, glaring up at him, “We don’t even know each other so I don’t understand why you feel the need to drop your act around me.”

“Would you prefer me acting all fake, then?” Yunho’s tone was harsh and his face read displeasure as I allowed my eyes to soak in his expression. Would I prefer that? It was the Yunho I was accustomed to, but would I like that?

“I don’t know,” I managed to mutter out, averting my eyes when Yunho’s dark gaze became too much, “I guess I’m just used to that version of you and this—feels weird, perhaps scary.”

Yunho suddenly sighed and his shoulders slightly dropped as he looked up at the sky, his smooth skin glinting under the streetlamp, “I’m sorry if I scared you, that wasn’t my intention.”

I chewed on my bottom lip as Yunho looked at me again, our gazes connecting. He was sincere, his eyes were shinning with honesty and an almost innocent like gleam, just like the one I was used to seeing. I hummed wordlessly and looked away, feeling slightly more at ease in his presence. He just sighed quietly and I heard shuffling before I felt the weight of a big hand pressing against the top of my head. I looked up at Yunho wide eyed as he started patting my hair, almost as if he was flicking something out of it. The snowflakes, probably. My cheeks flamed at his action.

“Will you let me drive you home, then?” Yunho asked again, voice softer this time and features relaxed, “I don’t want you walking around late at night and in this weather.”

“Alright,” I gave in, clearing my throat as Yunho suddenly grinned widely, “But you should be worried more about yourself, you’re barely wearing anything.”

It made Yunho chuckle as he headed for the passenger seat’s side and opened the door for me. I muttered a small thank you as I carefully slid inside.

“I’m rarely ever cold.” Yunho said with a cheeky wink before closing the door and jogging around to the driver’s side. I allowed myself a quick check-out of the car, eyes widening when I saw the emblem on the wheel. I was sitting inside a Maserati Levante. Just how did Yunho afford this car? The seats were of black leather and it was definitely heated as I felt my body warm up quickly as the engine has been left on. Yunho grinned as he slid inside and quickly buckled his seatbelt, reminding me to do the same as he put on the blinker, signaling that he would drive off now. The car slowly started rolling, pulling away from the store as I gazed out the window, feeling slightly awkward that I was now enclosed in such a small space with Yunho. I took a quick peek at him and watched him gripping the steering wheel lazily, hair framing his face as tonight it wasn’t as wavy as usually. His eyes were set on the road and he licked his lips before glancing at me, making me quickly look back outside the window, hating the way my cheeks instantly flushed. And as we drove by the bus stop, my eyes widened when I spotted the bus which would’ve taken me home.

“You said the bus went by already!” I exclaimed and turned to look at Yunho slightly offended.

“Oh,” He hummed but by the smugness coating his face I knew he had lied on purpose, “my bad, thought I had seen your bus.”

I scoffed and shook my head, melting into the warm seat as I glared ahead, ignoring the fluttering feeling of butterflies in my stomach at the thought that Yunho only lied because he wanted to drive me home. Perhaps he wasn’t so awful at all times.

Despite me feeling like Yunho brushed over my outburst that night, he seemed to change a bit. He started gradually approaching me at university and even hung out with me during our shared lunch breaks. He also started stopping by the convenience store whenever he had free time and I soon came to know that he lived just a few blocks away from it. Which was a surprise because I have been assuming he lived in some fancy rich neighborhood due to the car he was driving. Nobody really seemed to question our suddenly blooming friendship, although I felt like we still had a long way to go, and Yunho also stopped being so mysterious. He still didn’t answer all of my questions and often changed the subject when I asked about that first night, so I stopped asking about it after a while. I figured that I might get him to tell me at some point, and if not, I could always start asking around. People loved to gossip and maybe they would know something about this Chan guy who had called Yunho a few times while we were hanging out, but he always declined his calls. Tonight was supposed to be a chill night, but my best friend decided that she has had enough of staying at home every Friday and thus dragged us to a house party not far from our university. It was a half an hour walk away from my flat, so we opted to walk and just grab a cab on our way back. The house was large and packed with people as we made our way inside and I sighed at the sight of so many familiar faces. Almost everyone from our university was here and I realized I was tricked into coming to a party organized for our university specifically. My best friend just giggled as I have her a glare, already hating the fact that I had to stay here for hours and hours as she was in the mood to party. The only savior I found at the moment was alcohol, so the two of us made our way into the kitchen, both grabbing some beer from the fridge. Apparently, my best friend knew the host of the party and got us invited easily.

“I really needed this.” My best friend said as she threw her head back, downing half of her beer in one go. I raised my eyebrows at her as I sipped on mine casually.

“I can see that.” I chuckled and allowed my eyes to wander around the kitchen, taking in the faces. A few people above our grade were gathered around the sink, laughing about something and pointing at something. I wasn’t further interested, so I averted my eyes and noticed two friends of Yunho’s. They were standing in the corner and laughing about something as the taller one had his phone out. My staring must’ve been insistent as he looked up and we made eye contact, a smile appearing on his lips. He smiled and waved as he called us over. Due to Yunho and I hanging out more often lately, he was quick to introduce me to his friend group. They were a nice bunch but a bit too energetic and happy for my liking. My best friend, however, was totally into their vibe and would beg me to hang out with them. It was fine, I knew she wanted to make some new friends and these guys were nice and…handsome.

“Hi!” Mingi was quick to greet us happily and I smiled at him, waving at Seonghwa as my best friend went and hugged him. The two seemed to click instantly, it was nice to see.

“Was it you who urged Sooyoung to come to this party?” I asked Mingi accusingly and he laughed as he looked down.

“It was actually her who gave us the idea of coming here tonight.” I hummed and threw a knowing look at my best friend as she didn’t bother focusing on Mingi and I, already wrapped up in a conversation with Seonghwa.

“I see, I should’ve known.” I chuckled and Mingi nodded while putting his phone away. It was a little unusual that these two were here without Yunho, but I didn’t question it. I knew he wasn’t a big fan of parties and besides, he didn’t tell me he would be coming. Therefore I didn’t expect to see him here.

“Did you finish your project?” I asked Mingi, remembering him complain about it two days ago. Mingi’s shoulder slumped and he started pouting as he stole my beer swiftly.

“Almost, I have to design the garden and then I’m done.” Mingi was a landscape architecture major and he was always busy with projects, barely out of the house if it wasn’t for Seonghwa and Yunho dragging him to places. He was quite dedicated to his work and it was admirable. Especially when I could barely find any inspiration to do my assignments. Whenever we shared a few of our classes I was amazed by his knowledge and drive to learn even more.

“That’s good, you’ve got this, Mingi.” I gave him an encouraging smile and he chuckled, looking at me knowingly.

“So, did you start your design?” I fake laughed and took a swing of my beer after taking it back from Mingi.

“You know me, I’ll do it two or three days before the deadline.”

“At this point I’m afraid you’ll fail.” Mingi’s eyebrows furrowed and I chuckled, shrugging.

“Don’t worry, I function best under pressure.” I saluted him mockingly and Mingi chuckled, soon our attention on Seonghwa as him and Sooyoung approached us.

“I really want to dance,” Seonghwa said, drunkenly gazing at Mingi, “Are you coming?”

Mingi just sighed but stood up, throwing an arm around Seonghwa’s shoulders, “Of course, I’m coming. Someone needs to make sure you don’t trip over your own legs.”

Sooyoung and I chuckled as we followed after the two boys despite me not being too fond of the idea. I didn’t feel like dancing tonight, but I didn’t want to leave Sooyoung alone, and besides, I could see it in Mingi’s eyes that he didn’t want to be alone with the two. Whatever was going on between them, which both were denying, was pretty obvious.

The music was loud in the bigger room compared to the kitchen and I looked around, realizing it must’ve been a sort of library hence the bookcases on both sides of the room were filled with books. My heart broke a bit for the books, I could only hope no one was stupid enough to damage them. Otherwise the room was cleared up and there was a table with a mixing console on it, the DJ standing behind it and playing trendy songs everyone seemed to enjoy. The bas thrummed against my chest and I downed my beer in one go before I pushed through the crowd, making way for myself and my friends. Somewhere in the middle we found a good spot and formed a circle starting to dance.

I couldn’t tell how much time passed before I needed to use the restroom, but just as I went to tell Mingi I would be leaving for a few minutes, he leaned in to tell me that he needed some air. And so, after telling Seonghwa and Sooyoung where we were headed, Mingi and I took off hand in hand towards the exit. We agreed on meeting in the kitchen in around ten minutes before heading back to our friends, and so we parted, going on our way. The bathroom was in the far back of the house and I was thankful as the music didn’t reach here, I could finally hear my thoughts. The air was gradually better too compared to the suffocating heath in the library like room. Thankfully, I didn’t have to wait long to make it inside the bathroom and I was quick in doing my business, washing my hands thoroughly before splashing some cold water on my face, tapping it against my flaming skin. Perhaps I should join Mingi outside for a second before grabbing another drink. I huffed and smoothed down the top of my hair, baby hairs all over the place, before I unlocked the door and left the quiet bathroom. The hallways had no lights but it was fine as the living room was well lit up and it poured out here too. There was a staircase leading upstairs, but it was barricaded off and I knew not to go upstairs even if I wanted to. Just as I went to walk past the staircase, someone collided into my shoulder, knocking me slightly backwards. I gasped in surprise and looked back, surprised to see a slightly familiar face. The guy was younger, and he quickly apologized before a look of recognition crossed his features. Despite it being almost two months ago, I remembered his name. Chan. The guy Yunho threatened with a gun. I gulped and accepted his apology, about to walk off when he spoke up again.

“Don’t I know you?” He asked with narrowed eyes and I cursed silently, facing him again.

“Uh, barely.” I offered with a small smile and Chan hummed, eyebrows furrowing.

“Weren’t you with Yunho once?” So he remembered too, huh.

“Chan, right?” I raised an eyebrow and suddenly the guy was grinning and extending his hand towards me to shake.

“Knew it,” He said with a chuckle as I reluctantly shook his hand, “I don’t know your name though.”

“It’s Y/N.” I introduced myself and Chan smiled, his grip lingering for a second longer than necessary. It unsettled me as I cleared my throat and very obviously made to leave, but Chan seemed like he wanted to talk a little bit more.

“I had no idea you knew Jeonghan.” My eyebrows raised at the name and I thought for a second until I realized he was the host.

“I don’t, my best friend does though.” I explained and Chan hummed, a small smirk appearing on his lips.

“Now that I come to think of it,” He took a step forward and I willed myself to not move backwards, “Yunho never mentioned you again after that night.”

Oh, well…that didn’t feel nice to know. I thought we were sort of friends by now, but maybe Yunho needed more time. Our relationship dynamic was still weird and most of times I didn’t know where to put us, so maybe Yunho was feeling the same way. Or maybe there was something dangerous about this guy and Yunho just simply avoided talking about me in his presence. Our encounter that night felt almost fresh in my memories and I willed myself to not think about the gun pointed at this younger guy.

“He must have a reason, then.” I found myself answering with a cold smile, ready to excuse myself finally, “My friend is waiting for me—”

“Just because he doesn’t mention you doesn’t mean we don’t know about you, Y/N.” His sinister smile and cold tone sent a chill down my spine and my eyebrows furrowed as I looked at Chan, “Do you have a tattoo?”

That was a very random question, one that took me off guard as my eyebrows raised, “Uh, no, I—”

“What a pleasant sight, Lee Chan.” A sharp tone cut me off and I turned my head to see Yunho approaching us in all of his tall glory. His glare was sharp and body stiff as he came to a stop next to me, instantly pressing his warm palm against the small of my back. It made me straighten up slightly as I gazed at Yunho’s profile, surprised to see him here.

“Thought you weren’t coming, Yunho.” Chan said with a chuckle, eyes falling between the two of us and the non-existent space between our bodies as Yunho pressed up against me, his musky cologne invading my senses.

“Maybe you should check on your friend, Chan, he might be unable to walk for a week or two.” The dark smirk which crossed Yunho’s lips made me gulp, and I watched as Chan’s expression fell, suddenly it felt like we were back to that chilly night out on the street.

“You son of a bitch,” Chan hissed and marched up to Yunho, who didn’t even as a little as flinched, “What did you do to Hansol?”

“Nothing he won’t survive.” My eyebrows furrowed as I looked up at Yunho, who seemed to be unbothered by my piercing gaze. Chan hissed under his breath and with one lasting glare quickly stormed off, grabbing for his phone as he raced towards the front door. I released a breath I didn’t know I had been holding just as Yunho faced me, and I took in his attire in surprise. His black long-sleeved blouse was tight and was unclasped down to his chest, blank ink peeking through from underneath on his left pectoral. His outfit was completed by black leather pants and his black hair, which fell messily against his forehead. I was snapped out of my staring the second I felt Yunho caging me in against the railing of the staircase, big palm still pressing against the small of my back, eyes very slowly dragging up from his exposed milky chest to his chocolate warm brown eyes, which were narrowed and carried a hint of frustration.

“What did he want?” His voice was low and it brought a flush to my cheeks as I looked up at him, suddenly all too aware of the lack of space between us.

“Nothing much.” I muttered with a shrug, but Yunho didn’t seem to believe me as he lowered his head, eyes boring into mine. His gaze made my skin crawl and my fingers twitched as I placed my hands behind my back, doing everything in me I could to focus on his eyes and not on his cherry red plush lips, which were too close to my face all of a sudden.

“Don’t lie to me.” His right knuckles grazed against the skin of my cheek and I gulped as something coiled in my stomach. Was I this transparent? He could read me so easily.

“He just asked if I have a tattoo or something.” I answered after a beat of silence and Yunho’s eyebrows slightly furrowed as I dared to peek at his chest again, the ink more visible because of his stance. The collar of his shirt fell lower and I could make out a thick line which went in a circle and the tip of a letter, perhaps A?

“And what did you say?” His forefinger was suddenly underneath my chin as he tipped my head back, pulling my eyes away from his chest. I blushed furiously because of the amusement in Yunho’s eyes and the wide smirk on his lips, I was caught staring. His voice was low and breathy and I bit my lower lip for a second, trying to ignore his proximity and scent as his head seemed to be even closer to mine right now.

“No—nothing,” I exhaled and licked my lips, “you got here when I was answering him.”

“Good girl.” My legs shouldn’t have almost given out at his praise, but my mind wasn’t clear anymore. Yunho’s scent and proximity were intoxicating and I sure as hell wasn’t drunk from one beer, but everything about Yunho made me feel like it. I don’t know when it happened, but I couldn’t pull my eyes off Yunho whenever we were hanging out. And when we were at university, I was just like the others, flocking towards his bright and warm aura, desperate for his attention at times. When it was just the two of us, I yearned for his warmth and dangerous eyes, often breathless when his voice dropped to chastise me for something. When we hung out with our circle of close friends, I wanted his undivided attention on myself only. I had come to realize that Jeong Yunho was insanely good-looking and his mysterious aura was nothing but a little spark which made him even more irresistible.

“Wanna get out of here?” I heard him asking once I was done daydreaming, “I know you don’t like parties.”

I nodded wordlessly and as Yunho slowly, without breaking eye contact, pulled away I almost chased after him, hands balling up into fists in order to prevent myself of doing something I might regret later. There wasn’t a label to our relationship, but friends certainly didn’t want to fuck each other, therefore I needed to keep myself in check and control my desires.

After letting our friends know that Yunho and I would be leaving we got our jackets and went up to Yunho’s car. It was slightly dirty, which made me wonder where he had been as he had a habit of keeping his car crystal clean, even just a speck of dust made him wash it. The car ride was quicker than I expected as we flew through the quiet city, lights blurring at the speed Yunho was driving. He wasn’t a reckless driver, but it seemed like he was eager to get home. I couldn’t blame him, there was nothing better than the feeling of finally reaching home after a long and tiring day. I could imagine Yunho’s had been the same after he texted me in the morning that he had some business outside of the city and wouldn’t attend his classes, therefore we wouldn’t meet up. It was a surprise that he even made it to the party. It wasn’t the first time Yunho and I hung out in his apartment, but it was the first time I had come here so late and without a real purpose. Usually we huddled together to study, Yunho’s determination finally rubbing off on me to do to my assignments in time or when our friend group wanted to hang out and have a chill night.

After Yunho and I got settled, he went and grabbed a bottle of red wine, saying he needed it after the day he had. I didn’t complain as I watched him from the couch, body turned around and eyes running all over his frame. The clothes he wore did an amazing job at showing off his forms and I couldn’t help it but linger on his shoulders and waist as he had his back to me, grabbing around his counter while he had the wine in front of him. He popped it open without much struggle and then poured some red wine in two glasses, putting the bottle away. I watched as he turned around and leaned his hips against the counter, crossing one arm over his chest as he grabbed a glass and raised it to his lips, closing his eyes. He took a small sniff of the beverage before taking a long sip, letting out a content sigh. The image shouldn’t have made the hairs on my skin stand, yet all I could do was watch and gulp, mind blank until Yunho’s dark eyes snapped open and he smiled. It was mischievous as he spoke up.

“Won’t you get yours?” He pointed at the second glass and I hummed, wondering whether I should mix beer and wine, but it’s been a few hours since I last had beer. Besides, I was feeling fine. It shouldn’t do any damage. So, I pushed off the couch and approached him carefully, feeling fidgety under his sharp gaze. His eyes followed my every step as I stopped next to him and grabbed the glass, copying him. I sniffed it before I took a careful sip of it, the sweet taste exploding in my mouth. I hummed and took a bigger sip, appreciative of its taste. Yunho was smiling as he sipped his, and we remained standing like that as I tried to find anything to look at which wasn’t Yunho. The silence wasn’t uncomfortable, but it was getting too much and I felt like I needed to break it, so I spoke up, “You never told me you had a tattoo.”

Yunho eyebrows slightly raised, almost surprised that I knew, until he glanced down at himself and chuckled, “Ah, I forgot this blouse was low cut.”

“It’s not low cut,” I snickered, “You’re just wearing it like that.”

“Are you saying I should button up?” He asked with a playful smirk and I just smiled while shrugging. If he did that perhaps I would stop staring, but I wasn’t about to say that to him.

“So…does it mean anything?” I asked nonchalantly, having now an excuse to look at his exposed chest as Yunho glanced down too. He remained silent as he looked up, eyes searching my face for a few seconds before he lowered his glass on the counter.

“Not one you’re expecting to hear.” He said lowly and I raised an eyebrow as he suddenly stepped closer, looking down at me with a serious expression and darkening eyes, “Do you want to know?”

I gulped and busied myself with the glass I had in my hand as I looked down at it, pursing my lips in thought. I was trying to ignore the rapid beating of my heart but Yunho took away my only distraction as he took the glass from my hands and placed it on the counter next to his, now I was forced to look at him.

“I guess.” I muttered, hoping he couldn’t hear the shake of my voice. His scent was once again all around me and it was hard to focus on anything he was saying.

“But if I tell you…” He took a step forward, making me step back and collide into the counter, “and you tell anyone…”

My body tensed as he reached forward and pressed his thumb against my lower lip, eyes focused on my lips, “I will have to kill you, angel.”

I gulped as I shuddered, and Yunho lightly dragged my lower lip down, licking his lips as we looked at each other. His gaze was challenging and dark, lips about to break into a sneer as I was scared but intrigued, “I won’t tell anyone.”

“How can I know for sure?” Was he testing me? His voice dropped to an almost whisper and he cocked his head to the side, eyebrows raised almost mockingly, “You have a vengeful personality, who knows what you’ll blabber on about if I happen to hurt you.”

“Don’t hurt me then.” I snapped and Yunho chuckled, but there was nothing amusing about it.

“Are you reckless or simply dumb?” He was taunting me and I didn’t like it. I grabbed his wrist and glared at him, pulling his hand back and thumb off my lips.

“That’s some nerve coming from someone who was everywhere I went and knows everything about me without actually knowing me.” Yunho’s lips pulled up into an amused grin at the way I snapped at him, nose scrunched in annoyance.

“I’m in a gang,” He stepped impossibly close and placed both hands on the counter on both sides of body, “A very dangerous gang, the tattoo is to signify where I belong to.”

I gulped, slightly thrown off. I was expecting many reasons to answer the enigma around Yunho, but I didn’t exactly envision him being involved into gang activities or the mafia, even. Was he just simply not saying? Wouldn’t be the first time he lied to me.

“Why did Chan ask if I have a tattoo?” My voice was hard and I tried not to shake when I felt Yunho’s large hands gripping my waist. His hold was firm, like he was afraid I would run away.

“Because,” Yunho licked his lips as he lowered his head so I didn’t have to crane my neck up so high, “if you’re mine you have to get the tattoo as well.”

“But I’m not yours.” I quickly said as I tried to process everything and ignore the way Yunho’s grip tightened around my hips and jaw clenched, “And I don’t want to have a tattoo.”

“Then you won’t have one,” Yunho’s tongue peeked out as he liked his lips swiftly, his eyes glued onto my lips, “But you are mine, Y/N.”

Before I could ask him since when, Yunho closed the gap between us and pressed his plush lips against mine. I didn’t mean to flinch, but it was unexpected and rough as his hands on my waist pushed me up onto the counter, easing the height difference a little between us. I kissed back when I felt him about to pull back, probably thrown off by my lack of response, and Yunho was quick to smash his lips against mine with a fever, setting a hasty and messy rhythm as my head was tilted back and arms circled around his shoulders. It was everything I have envisioned and yet nothing like it. His lips were plush and warm yet rough and relentless as he bit at my lower lip, almost as if he was trying to inhale the whole of me. His scent was the only thing I could smell around us and my brain was fogged up as Yunho’s lean body pressed into mine, pushing me flushed against himself by placing his hand on my back. My legs parted wider, making more space for Yunho as one of my hands traveled towards his hair, gripping at the black wavy strands firmly. His warmth was overwhelming and it made me breathless as his large hand wrapped around my neck as if he needed something to hold onto. My lungs were screaming for air and I pulled back once it got too much, lightheaded as I leaned forward, teeth attaching against the soft skin of Yunho’s neck. His chest was falling and rising rapidly, just as breathless as I was feeling, the hand from my neck traveling to my nape as I pressed open mouthed kisses against his skin, lips trailing down to his collarbone. Yunho groaned when I bit lightly at it, teasing and licking, before I was pulled back and forcefully met with lips against my own. It didn’t take long for Yunho to push his tongue against my lips, asking for permission. I opened up without hesitation, letting him take the lead as his wet tongue licked against mine, humming, the vibrations traveling through my whole body as I pulled on the smaller strands of his hair. Yunho tasted like the red wine he just had, sweet and so intoxicating that I couldn’t get enough of him. His tongue explored my mouth as my hips bucked against him and I wasn’t surprised to find him just as affected as I was feeling. I could feel him through his leather pants and the friction was much needed against my throbbing core as I grinded against him once again, catching his lower lip between my teeth as he went to pull back. Yunho’s eyes were the darkest I had ever seen them and his cheeks were lightly flushed as he grabbed my nape firmly, jaw clenching and lips plump from the kissing.

“Bedroom, right now.” His voice was raspy and it sent a chill down my spine as I quickly clung onto him, legs firm around his waist as he walked us to his bedroom, large hands holding me up by my ass and allowing me to grind against him as Yunho groaned and nipped at my lower lip until we were standing in his dark bedroom. He carefully lowered me and onto the ground and I was quick to get rid of my jeans and shirt, helping Yunho in undoing the zipper of his leather pants as he had gotten rid of his blouse. I allowed myself to stare unabashedly at his body, taking in his lean but muscular form as he towered over me, stomach well defined and thighs thick. It was a sight worthy for drooling and I snapped out of it when Yunho started walking me backwards, not expecting me to palm him through his boxers. He sucked in a harsh breath and allowed me to feel him up and massage him before I was pushed down onto the bed by my shoulders. I scooted back before he crawled towards me and leaned down to press kisses against my neck and shoulder, tongue flattening against the flush skin of my collarbones before he sucked hard at a patch of skin, making me groan at the sting. His kisses didn’t stop there as he kissed down between my breasts, biting at the skin before he continued, all the way down to my stomach. I was panting and itching to grip onto his hair, but his face was in front of mine in an instant and he kissed me breathless once again. My nails dug into his back as my hands roamed over it, mapping every flaw of his skin, soaking in his warmth. Before I could register it, his fingers were ghosting over my thigh and slowly itching closer to my panties. I groaned into his mouth as he yanked them down, eyes opened as Yunho pulled back just slightly, hot breath hitting my face as one finger slowly slipped inside my wet hole. I gasped at the feeling and Yunho groaned, lips pressing against my cheek as he pushed himself up by one hand near my head. He slowly started thrusting it in and out, making my eyebrows furrow as he dragged the movement out, not waiting long to add another long finger. I grabbed his arm as my toes curled and hips lifted off the soft cover of the bed, trying to meet his lazy thrusts. They weren’t enough and they made my skin burn as my other hand tangled into his hair.

“Please, Yunho,” I whispered out, moan choked back as his thumb pressed against my clit, stomach coiling at the added sensation, “Faster.”

His teeth bit into the skin of my jaw, not hard enough to leave a bruise as he slightly picked up his pace, fingers curling against my walls and making my back arch off the bed as he rubbed harsher and faster against my clit, fingers thrusting in and out. A knot was forming in my stomach as more sound left my lips, sharp exhales and broken moans as Yunho’s fingers reached the spot which made my back arch off the bed, my own hips picking up its pace as I chased for an orgasm.

“Such a good girl,” Yunho rasped in my ear, making me moan as his finger grazed the spot again, “you were so patient for me.”

“Yunho.” Our eyes connected and I pulled his head closer by the hand I had tangled in his hair, “Please—”

“Not yet.” He bit my lower lip as his hand stilled, making me whine as my walls clenched down against his fingers, every nerve in my body burning. I tried to move my hips despite it, but Yunho’s fingers quickly were pulled out from where I needed him most and I watched helplessly as he sat back, the tent in his boxers obvious. He proceeded to pull my panties all the way down before getting rid of his own boxers, pumping himself as his head fell back. I watched with hungry eyes as his size came as no surprise, matching the massivity of his body. He reached over my head, holding a package as he opened it, putting on the condom before he hovered over my body. For a second he didn’t move and my skin tingled in anticipation as I reached my arms around his shoulders, pulling his hot body against mine, whispering in his ear.

“Yunho, just fuck me already.” I didn’t expect him to moan and before I could blink, his tip was at my entrance, slowly pushing in. My mouth opened as I clenched my eyes shut, surprised at the burn as he stretched me out more and more as he slid inside. He was bigger than anyone I was with before and I needed a moment to adjust to his size as Yunho pressed kisses all over my face, biting my earlobe.

“You can’t tell anyone.” He said lowly, and despite our predicament I heard the threat in his words.

“Which part?” I questioned despite knowing what he was talking about, hand trailing down his smooth back.

“The gang part.” Yunho clarified, as if I needed it, lightly thrusting up. I gasped and gripped his sides, walls clenching around him, making him groan.

“I won’t, I won’t, just—” My voice broke off as he did the same again, smirk on his lips, “Move, please, Yunho.”

“As you wish, angel.” He whispered in my ear before pulling out almost all the way and slamming back inside, making me gasp loudly as I didn’t expect it. Yunho’s smirk stayed glued to his lips as he did it again, ripping a loud whine from between my lips, nails digging into his skin as he set an excruciatingly slow rhythm. It did no good but rile me up and make me reach around for anything to hold onto as my body flamed, walls clenching more around him, desperate for more friction. But Yunho seemed to enjoy the desperate state I was in as he chuckled, and suddenly, I felt his big hands bringing mine together, pushed above my head as he pinned my wrists together and pushed them down harshly into the mattress. He suddenly was moving, getting up onto his knees and sitting back as his right hand slipped under my lower back, guiding me up, lower back hovering in the air. Yunho only paused for a small second, eyes connecting with mine before he moved, sharp and clear, pace nothing like the slow one previously. I moaned loudly as he started rocking his hips harshly, pace relentless and dick reaching deeper than before, making my hands ball up into fists as I couldn’t hold onto anything with Yunho pinning them above my head. It didn’t take long for Yunho to get vocal, cursing under his breath as his eyes were closed and he was biting his lower lip, pace picking up the louder my moans got. I couldn’t focus on anything else but the pleasure building up in my lower abdomen and the electricity coursing through my veins, mind wrapped up in the scent of Yunho, the feel of Yunho…Yunho.

“Yunho.” He was the only thing I could think about and at the desperation in my voice he got rougher, pistoning his hips at an unforgiving pace, making me cry out in pleasure as my hips thrusted up, chasing for an orgasm as I tried to meet Yunho’s frantic thrusts. He finally released my wrists and gripped my hips firmly with both hands as he helped me move against him, my head thrown back at the constant ripples of pleasure as my fingers tangled into the sheets above head and twisted hard, moans of Yunho’s name tumbling through my lips. He was panting loudly and whines left his lips as I could feel him throbbing and I knew he was close like I was.

“Fuck, Y/N, you feel so good.” He moaned out as my walls clenched down hard on his length, toes curling and mind completely fogged up with pleasure. The second his cold thumb started rubbing circles against my clit I saw stars and I came with a high-pitched moan of his name, Yunho’s hips stuttering before he guided my hips, riding out my orgasm just as he muttered a quiet fuck before he came too, groan low and guttural, movements never ceasing until it became too much and I whined, gripping his wrist in an attempt to ask him to stop as I haven’t managed to find my voice yet. Yunho groaned as his hips stuttered and slowly stopped, panting hard as he stared down at me. My eyes took him in before they stuck to the tattoo on his left pectoral. It was big. A big circle going around the letter A and cutting into it at the bottom. I shuddered as he slipped out and got off the bed, leaving my limp body on the bed to recover as my fingers tangled in my hair in an attempt to tame the wild strands. Yunho got rid of the used condom before he stood by the bed, towering over me. We stared at each other for a few seconds before he leaned down and tucked the covers away, effortlessly picking me up and slipping me underneath them. He got in next to me and pulled the soft covers over our bodies. I sighed in content at the warmth spreading over my naked body and nuzzled my nose into the pillow which smelled so much like Yunho. I felt him shift behind me before the front of his big body was pressed against my back, a hand coming around my body to hold me. I didn’t expect him to grip my neck firmly and push me back even more into himself as he slightly leaned over me. I was able to look at him from the corner of my eyes and I watched the menacing look on his face and the darkness in his chocolate brown eyes as he leaned close enough to be able to whisper.

“You don’t have to get a tattoo,” Despite his expression, his tone was soft, “but you’re mine and everyone else will know about it. I’ll make sure.”

I gulped as Yunho pressed a chaste kiss against my cheek before his long fingers slipped from my neck, making me realize I had been holding my breath. I released it shakily and felt him settle down behind me once again, nose pushing against my shoulder blade as his arm was firmly planted around my middle.

“Alright, let’s say I’m yours for now.” I found myself saying, but didn’t expect the chuckle from Yunho. I didn’t like being called nicknames nor being claimed like I was an object, but they didn’t sound so bad coming from Yunho’s mouth, they held no menace nor ulterior motives.

I didn’t know what this made us, but I knew I had one or two secrets to keep and that Yunho wasn’t letting me go nowhere from his sight.

⟨Part 2⟩

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fflewddur-feanorion · 6 months ago

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“A king is he who holds his own, or else his title is in vain."

Fingon has been staring at his boots for some time. They are coated in ash stains that refuse to fade. (Over the past few weeks, Fingon has learned that Angband lingers. Its smog made him cough for weeks. Its rocky cliffs left cuts on his skin that took far too long to heal. But Fingon was only there for a few hours. He has no right to complain.)

When Maedhros speaks, Fingon whips his head up to stare. His cousin is looking placidly down at Nolofinwë. He holds out the crown. Nolofinwë looks into his eyes, nods briefly, and accepts it. The whole ordeal is over in less than five minutes.

(There will be an official coronation later, of course. Maedhros will probably make him attend.)

Now that his task is completed, Maedhros turns to leave. Fingon dashes after him, outpacing him easily. He pivots, forcing Maedhros to stop. "How dare you say that?"

Maedhros smiles his horrible fake smile. It seems to fool almost all of their people-- all but Maglor, who is too polite or too cowardly to say anything, and Fingon, who would rather be screamed at. "I thought you supported my decision," he says. "'Reuniting the two great houses' and all that."

"Not that." Fingon fights the urge to pout. This at least is not new: Maedhros has always been clearly and unshakably reasonable, to the point where he makes everyone else in the room look like a petulant child. Fingon used to admire that about him. "You… you are not a failure, Maedhros!"

"You of all people should recognize that as a lie," says Maedhros. "Still, I appreciate the sentiment."

"Do not play games with me," Fingon snaps. "You said– a king is he who holds his own. But you were facing Morgoth. No one could have-- "

"Oh, Fingon." There. That is a far better sort of smile: sharp enough to cut. Fingon rejoices internally. "Do you honestly think I was talking about myself?"

Fingon looks up at his cousin. Maedhros' spine is perfectly straight (and that has to hurt.) His clothes are Fëanorian red. His eyes flicker with strange light. Maitimo was intimidating sometimes, in the way that people you admire are intimidating. But Maedhros? Maedhros could be terrifying.

You look like you could burn down the world, Fingon thinks. Then: and I would probably let you.

"Are you threatening my father?" he says instead.

"I merely wish to warn him," says Maedhros. "My brothers are loyal to me. They are less inclined to follow him. He should be careful. Anyway, I have just handed him a crown, which is a threat in itself."

Fingon shakes his head. "You are unbelievable."

"I certainly hope he believes me."

"Are you threatening me, then?" Fingon asks. It seems a reasonable question. “Trying to scare me away? If so, you are failing spectacularly.”

"I do not know." Maedhros meets his eyes for the first time. (Neither of them have Treelight in their eyes anymore. It faded after Alqualondë.) "But you… you terrify me beyond all reason, Fingon. Do with this information what you will."

He walks quickly past Fingon, cloak swishing. Fingon stares after him, mouth hanging slightly open.

Why would Maedhros fear him?

Why would he–

In that moment, Fingon feels a type of bone-deep certainty that seems to only arise when Maedhros is around. He felt it at Alqualondë. On the shores of Mithrim. In Angband, staring up at that accursed mountain. It says: I don't like this. I don't think this is a good idea. But it is the only thing that can be done.

He moves to grab Maedhros' arm, recognizes that as a terrible idea, and settles for placing his hand on Maedhros' waist. It has the desired effect: Maedhros whips around, staring at Fingon with huge, haunted eyes.

There he is.

Fingon's whole body thrums like a harp string pulled too tight. He draws Maedhros a bit closer. Maedhros goes willingly. His eyes are wide and wet. He looks suitably terrified.

"Are you afraid that I will leave you?" Fingon whispers. “No, that is not right. I think you are afraid because you know that I will not. I would follow you to the end of the world.”

"Findekáno."

Fingon laughs, high-pitched and utterly unhinged. Then, before he can second-guess himself, he pulls Maedhros into a kiss.

It is a very combative sort of kiss. When he steps away at last, he can still feel Maedhros’ lips on his.

“I think the House of Nolofinwë will hold our own just fine,” he says, trying to sound businesslike. “I will see you at the coronation, Nelyafinwë.”

#tolkien #silmarillion #maedhros #fingon #russingon #they are back! not sure how it happened but they’re back

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essenyare · 3 months ago

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LAST WILL AND TESTAMENT

—Jack Krauser, written on my sixtieth birthday.

I, Jack Krauser, in full clarity of mind and unwavering will, set forth this testament.

1. All of my assets—including but not limited to land, finances, weapon stockpiles, personal documents, and records—shall belong solely to Leon Scott Kennedy. He is the one I cherish above all else. No matter the path we took to get here, no matter how time has shaped us, he remains the only person to whom I entrust everything.

2. The home we built together, wherever and whenever that may be, is his to do with as he sees fit. He may choose to keep it, or to burn it to the ground. If it is the latter, I hold no grievance—for we have never been bound by walls. Home was never bricks and mortar. It was always each other.

3. As for my remains, I do not desire a grave, nor do I wish for Leon to be burdened with needless rituals. I have walked the edge of death for most of my life, and now that I have finally found peace by his side, I wish for my ending to be just as quiet. I am to be cremated. A portion of my ashes shall be left to Leon, should he choose to keep them. If not, he may scatter them in the place where we once stood as enemies and chose, instead, to save each other.

4. I wish for Leon to live unbound—free from legal constraints or the expectations of others. He has already walked beside me for a lifetime. He owes nothing to anyone. If he so chooses, what I leave behind will be enough for him to live out the rest of his days in peace—but I know he won’t stop. I won’t ask him to. To love him is to accept him entirely.

But I hope he remembers—wherever he goes, there will always be a place waiting for him to come home to.

---

Leon,

I suppose I’ve never said this properly in my life, but I don’t want to leave any regrets in the end.

As your instructor once before, I have to admit—the worst student I ever trained was my thirty-three-year-old self.

Back then, I thought I had it all figured out. I believed my body, my will, and my skills were at their peak, strong enough to justify every choice I made. I believed power could override everything, that I could decide what was right and wrong. I even thought that if I was determined enough, the truth itself would have to bow to me. But I was wrong. I was arrogant, stubborn, too caught up in my own damn beliefs to see that I was driving myself into a dead end. And the worst part? I dragged you down with me.

I know you never blamed me—not out loud, at least. But I owe you this: I’m sorry, Leon.

I forced you to make choices you never should’ve had to make. I pushed you into a fight you never should’ve had to endure. Back then, I told myself it was necessary—it was a trial, a law of survival. But some nights, I still hear your voice, your anger. I still see the way you looked at me in the end. And in that moment, I knew I had no right to teach you anything anymore—because the man who should have protected you has already strayed from the right path.

But you still turned back for me. You knew it would hurt you, but you still pulled me out of the pit I had thrown myself into. You stubborn bastard.

It took me years to learn what I refused to back then—to learn humility, honesty, to admit that I had been a damn fool. I know I can never undo the damage I caused you.

So if this letter is the last thing I ever get to say to you—remember this, Leon, I love you.

This love isn’t something that should be shackled by guilt or hesitation, nor should it be clouded by the mistakes we’ve made. It is the one truth I have never questioned. And you’re the reason I found it.

I know you’re still learning to let go of the pain we’ve lived through. But you need to understand—I have no regrets. If not for this path, I never would’ve found my way back to you.

We’ve both been wounded, both hurt each other, both questioned whether love could withstand everything we’ve been through. But every time you hold me, every time you say my name, I know—that’s my answer.

You always called me a stubborn old bastard, always said I never took care of myself. Well, for once, I’m listening. I’ll go first. One less thing for you to worry about.

If I have one regret, it’s that I didn’t figure this out sooner—that I didn’t say these words to you earlier. But you always knew, didn’t you?

I love you, Leon Scott Kennedy. My comrade, my home—my only place to return to.

Jack Krauser 19 March 2031

#jack krauser #metaltango #leon s kennedy #leon kennedy #resident evil #fanfic #kreon #resident evil 4 #by Essenyárë

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xhmeusworld · 1 year ago

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a perfectly good heart | jeon wonwoo

genre: angst, comfort! bf wonwoo, established relationship

pairings: jeon wonwoo x gender neutral reader

warnings: reader is going through a difficult time, mentions of depression, and reader makes a comment about not wanting to exist

word count: 871

note: lately life has just been throwing me for a loop and as a result, i wrote this. i just want everyone to know that you have a purpose in life. regardless of how big or small, it means so much that you are here and my messages are always open to talk.

no one understands another’s pain. not truly.

words and actions can only explain so much, but no matter what someone says, the extensiveness of the pain can not be conveyed. that’s what you thought.

but as jeon wonwoo held you against him, he swore he could feel everything. the pure turmoil and agony. it felt like his soul was on fire, the flames forcing their way out and racing across his limbs.

the shakes that tore through your body and the struggled breaths through the tears made him hold you tighter, wanting to do anything to provide some sort of comfort. some sort of relief to the despair you felt.

instead, he felt helpless. what could he do? did he have the power to do anything? he wanted to tell you that everything you believed about yourself was wrong. he wanted to tell you that your brain was lying. he wanted to tell you so many things, but he wasn’t even sure if you could hear him right now.

your words from earlier rang in his ears.

“life has no set timeline. I understand that. I hear that every single day from so many people and it’s supposed to make me feel better, but it doesn’t. because then I think about it in terms of years and the longer I am floating around without a plan or a goal, the less likely I am to feel connected to everyone around me. I don’t want to be left behind. I don’t want to be the friend that is left alone; still wandering through life while everyone else has careers.”

the future was a scary thought. wonwoo understood that. the unknown of where you could end up in five years was terrifying, especially with no set plan. but sometimes things like this were meant to happen. maybe you were being led onto another path that you just didn’t know about yet.

“and I feel like I’m such a bad friend to literally everyone. i can hardly muster up the courage or energy to speak to some of closest friends. they have reached out, but i just find myself unable to reply and it hurts because i know the despair i’m feeling is my fault. i am so mentally weak. cutting everyone off makes my soul hurt so bad because I don’t want to hurt anyone, but my brain keeps constantly saying over and over that I’m a burden. I’m annoying. if i reach out, I’m taking time away from their lives; interrupting whatever important thing they have going on. and even through all of this, i’m lonely and i’m scared that everyone will forget me. I know none of this is true. I understand that, but god, I feel so weak and helpless.”

wonwoo wanted to scream. it hurt to hear you admit how lonely you felt and he instantly felt guilty himself as a result of his touring schedule, but you were in no way a burden to him or anyone else in your life. you just weren’t. there was absolutely no way you could be to the l people who loved you the most in the world. you weren’t weak or helpless. you were just scared. he wanted to tell you, he wanted to engrain into your head, that fear was normal. nothing was wrong with you being afraid.

“i’m a disappointment to my parents; to everyone that believed in me. I used to be so happy and now I feel incredibly stupid and I’m just filled with regret and anger. I don’t want to feel like this anymore. I wish I was one of those people who knew exactly what they are doing with their life, but I’m not and I hate it. instead, i’m here with a void in my heart.”

your voice was thick with tears that you were desperately trying to hold back. wonwoo thought you were going to start sobbing right then, but somehow you managed to keep your composure to talk once again.

“i’m just so ashamed myself. I’m so utterly and truly an embarrassment and a failure that sometimes I’m even afraid to face you.”

that’s when your boyfriend grabbed your face, forcing you to make eye contact with him as he insisted almost angrily that you weren’t a failure. you were doing what was best for you. you were trying to take it one day at a time. there was no shame or crime in that. wonwoo was so proud of his person. so so very proud.

“i see no light or hope at the end of the tunnel right now”

these were the last words you spoke before you fully broke down, burying your face into his chest.

and no matter what you thought, jeon wonwoo could feel your pain and he held you tightly against him, tears streaming down his cheeks as well. his grasp tightened with each one of your sobs in hopes that if he only held on a little stronger, maybe he would be able to put you back together. he kissed the top of your head. he whispered that you were safe and loved and that you weren’t alone.

because he knew it hurt to be alone.

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godl3ssingodscountry444 · 5 months ago

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I know this isn't what this account is usually for but I do want to come on here and say a few things just about the current state of American politics. If I'm being really honest, I'm really scared, I'm disappointed, I'm angry, and I'm sad. This feels so much bigger than it has ever felt. Watching people talk about ICE raids has been terrifying, I'm scared for my friends, for my community, for myself in the future. Please if you can, help people and spread awareness. I am an immigrant who is the daughter of immigrants, who's mother is the daughter of immigrants, who's grandparents were the children of immigrants. My family made their life here, I feel so lucky to have the financial privilege I have and that is a direct result of my grandparents moving here with my mother. For as much as I complain about being here, this country has given so many people, myself included, so much opportunity. And to think that I had this melting pot propaganda force fed to me down my throat only for this country to turn around and threaten mass deportation to people who want to be here it is so hypocritical and it is hurtful. I'm Latina and I am proud and I am hurt seeing people call my people, people from my country and people from the rest of Latin America, call us lazy, call us stupid, call our countries garbage, to let someone speaking for the president talk about how many babies we make like we are not so much more. I've seen it with my own two eyes, my Latine peers are the smartest, highest achieving, kindest, and most accepting people I have ever met and to see people call these people I love such horrible things is so deeply upsetting I cannot even begin to describe the pain. I do not understand why we insist on turning these people who want to be here away. And if we're being real, these Latine people that people complain about come from countries the US has destabilized, the government causes the problem and complains about the result, they light the paper on fire and complain about the ash. The amount of hatred that we will see come to light in the next four years is terrifying. I'm sorry to the women of this country, I'm sorry that our bodies will be seen as modes of reproduction instead of vessels of a human life. I'm sorry to the Palestinian people who's genocide this country will continue to fund. I'm sorry to the people of color and queer people and to anyone in the financial 99%, to disabled people, and to anyone who cares about others, to anyone who will inevitably be left behind. I know this feels very pessimistic and if I'm being honest that's how I feel. That being said I do believe in the goodness of this country, please protest, speak up, fight, riot, and help your neighbors because the government serves you, me, us, we do not serve them. Your love is political, so love people, love everyone and show it, even the people who disagree with you, love, as so well put by James Baldwin, is not a popular movement. It is in these moments I wish I was religious but I am not so I only hope the best Xxx

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dragonagegayz · 2 months ago

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Nothing But A Tool

Rating: Mature

Game: Dragon Age The Veilguard

Character: Bas De Riva (At the time know only as Saarebas, around age 20, about 30 years before the events of Veilguard)

Word Count: 4697

Summary: I was a Saarebas of the Qun, and I relive those days as if I am still there as if everything is still happening for the first time.

Mentions of suicide, suicidal ideations, inferred sexual assault and rape

So I listen to the Handmaid's soundtrack while writing this andjust wanted to share incase anyone was interested cause I think it adds to the feeling of the fic

I have always hated the rain, the stench of the sea air that permeates through Par Vollen even with us not close to the water. I have always hated the salty air. It burns my nose and makes me dizzy sometimes with how strong it can be, the rain only seems to make it worse. It makes everything dark too, I already cannot see well with the mask I am forced to wear as Saarebas, the small holes practically blind me which I suppose is what the Qun wants of one like me. The rain also catches in the little holes, making it even harder to see, the combination of it all leaves me blind. I look up to the clouds. If my mouth weren’t sewn shut I would have yelled to the clouds for being here, for making my life hard, though as I look up I can barely see a light spot in the clouds, the sun. Maybe it will shine so at least I can see again.

“Saarebas!” I hear an angry unforgiving voice that I know all too well. I look over to where it came from, my ears being trained now to pinpoint the locations of things since I was masked those years ago. I needn’t try to squint to know who it is, I, unfortunately, know who screams my name. Even from where I stand, unseeing as I was, I could tell he was annoyed, it was in the tone in his authoritarian voice, the hint of displeasure and rasp to it that tipped me off. “What are you doing?! Move it!” He growls out as a threat, as if I have any choice but to obey.

‘I am cursing at the clouds,’ I think with a light frown, were I to be too deep with it, he would catch the lines on my face moving and punishment would come in tow. ‘Does the Qun not even allow my own thoughts anymore? Is a tool not entitled to be angry in conditions where they know doing their job will become harder?’I wish to say, but instead, I do not speak, I simply follow where the voice is speaking, and hear the sounds of his steps move. When I am near, I find them in the low crowd from the distinct heaviness to them. He puts much pressure on his heel, and heavy steps with his entire body to emphasize power and dominance. Arvaarad do this often, many of them I have come in contact with are power-hungry and play the high and mighty part. They are the keepers of the Saarebas, those dangerous things, how could they not be proud? It is what the Qun has taught them after all.

We walk in the rain, keeper and tool one behind the other for I can never step in front, they would assume a demon has taken over me were I to ever. I do wonder what they feel as they lead sometimes, but I know better than to let those foolish thoughts wander and become too grand. A man will kill themselves when the ideas in their head are better than the life they are forced to lead. I had seen it happen a few times in the Qun, A Saarebas or two have done such things in front of me. There are times I would feel jealous, if I were not a coward I would do whatever I could to be free. Yet the Qun forbids it, so I do not allow myself those dreams.

I hear him turn to the right, I realize there is a smell of fire powder in the air, a strong stench of alcohol underneath its heedy stench mixed with the scent of salt. I realize where we are as he opens the door and ushers me in, the swell of avid conversation loud to the point it nearly hurts my ears. I am not used to so many people speaking at once, especially the way they talk over each other to be heard by the ones next to them. The tavern is dark, it has to be in case it ever was to be discovered by the leaders of the Qun, the Arvaarads and Antaam here could run without the risk of being seen by them. They were after all not suppose to be taking in these hideous displays of rule-breaking, at least not while on duty. Whatever they do on their free time the Qun does not care but now we are working, we should only be thinking of the things to do that would give advantage to our way of life. Yet, here we are, in the large Tavern hidden in the streets of the city we are stopped in (I am not allowed to know the name) where the rickety chandler swings in time to the music softly played under all the loud voices. The stench of the powder and beer is worse in here, my nose wrinkles and if I could I would huff it away. This room is loud, it stinks, and as the outside, I can barely see.

However, this is not the room I am allowed to be in.

My Arvaarad shuffles me to a smaller room to the side, I flinch at his touch but he only huffs in my ear, as if I am overreacting to this skin-to-skin contact. I am not ever to be touched, for I am a dangerous thing it would be foolish for someone to lay their hands on me. My skin burns where his hands are, it hurts in a way I need him to stop but I can say nothing, so I must endure. He pushes me into the room, and mutters something I cannot hear over the constant words of the other out in the bar before the door is slammed behind me. What little light had poured into the room is completely gone, leaving us in complete darkness.

Us, there were other Saarebas in there with me, here is where we are forced to be while our dog keepers may enjoy debauchery. There is a lingering scent of electricity and smoke, the smell of magic when there are many Saarebas in one room. While I cannot see, I can feel the eyes on me as I stand in the doorway, trying to get my eyes to adjust to the darkness so I can at least see some of what it is in the room, get an idea of how many others stand with me. Though I can feel their disgusted looks on me. I know I am scary even to my fellow mages, I am one with my mouth sewn, they assume I am a bad influence even amongst my own they find me suspicious, they find me dangerous.

Which I suppose is funny, seeing as even before I was Saarebas, I never did speak.

I felt no need to speak, I feel as if the Qun demands no words from me even when I was to be a baker. I would simply kneed my dough, bake my bread. I was not to deal with the customers and dough does not speak, so why should I?

Yet I am seen as a threat, as a danger with my mouth closed tight with thread. I suppose I understand for when I see another like me I get tense, my breath hitches and I do what I can to not look at them. They have fought against the Qun, they have been punished for a reason so I fear them, I may struggle with being qunari but I know it is to keep me safe. If it were not for my bindings, for the leash I was suppose to be held close to, I could become possessed and I would hurt people. People who would never deserve such a fate. So I understand the name Sarrebas for my kind, I am a dangerous thing.

I simply wish it was a dangerous person.

I walk into the room. It stinks of the sweat of too many people forced into a room. The feeling of electricity is in the air, as it does when many mages are forced into a room, to stand close by to each other, with no room to breathe from one another. I go to hide in the corner until my Arvaarad decides he has had enough fun. I know this could take hours, he enjoyed divulging in those parts of life. I had once been forgotten about here, spending an entire night in the corner, staring into it until he came for me again. I remember he was angry at me, I believe for simply existing and being something he needed to take care of. ‘I do not wish for this either,’ I wanted to say as he dragged me out by my horn. His grip had been so tight he had actually snapped it off in his anger. He forced me to snap the other off, ‘For symmetry’ he had demanded. I could not argue so I did as I was told.

The other Sarrebas move as I walk through the room, though we cannot see each other’s eyes I know they are staring. I wish to snap at them to look away, that I am not one who goes against the Qun but I can’t so I simply do not look at them as I work to one of the corners. I saw the shape of someone there but they are quick to scuttle away, much like a roach. An advantage to being sewn shut I suppose, I have an intimidation factor among my own people, though they do not know I fear them far more than they will ever fear me.

I face into the corner, as I do every time I am here, and stare. No one wants to see me, I don’t want to see them. It is an equal exchange of suspicion and hatred on both our parts,I hate them for being mages and they hate me as they assume I am one of the problematic mages because I must be at fault for being sewn. No one ever thinks that maybe, just maybe it is not the mutt’s own fault for being aggressive, maybe the one holding the leash is to blame. But they do not believe so, even as we all stand in a dark room, forced here by the hands of the owners of our chains as they get to enjoy the sins of life together. To laugh, to smile, to drink, to talk. While we stand here, I forced into silence while the others around me murmur quietly to each other though they don’t have many words to say. When you are forced to stay silent you find there are no words that seem important to speak anymore.

I feel a tap on my shoulder.

I freeze, my body tenses so quickly that my ears ring from the blood thruming in my veins. The finger on my shoulder burns, it stings against the skin that was touched and I cannot surpass the shudder at it. Touch is rare, touch is wrong and every time I am forced to feel it I grow sick, I grow unstable in the way my body reacts to the onslaught of it, even from just a tap. I turn my head to look at the one who touched me, the darkness and the mask make it hard to see but I catch the glimpse of white hair, the way it stands out even in the pitch dark of the room. Were I able, I would have bit words at this bold fool, would have wrapped my fingers around their neck and let it snap under my hands at the pure belief they had the right to ever lay a finger on me. But I cannot, so instead I stare over my shoulder, look to where their mask sits on their face as well, just barely noticeable in front of the white hair that sits long on their head.

It is a worse shock when this person shuffles closer, placing a full hand on my stomach with such speed I could do nothing but freeze yet again.

My body screams at the feeling, heart pounding, ears flushing, eyes watering, the scents in the air clog into my nose and I find it hard to breathe. I can not open my mouth wider than half an inch, I cannot catch my breath this way so I do not breathe. It burns, It’s freezing, it’s lightening, it’s acid trying to eat through my skin and were I to have the voice, I would scream.

For fuck’s sake I wish I could scream.

Instead, I stare, I suffocate under the weight of this hand that had set itself on me while the other qunari just stands there, staring at me. I want to beg them to stop, to unhand me least something drastic happens but what would I ever do? Were I free, I would have done anything to get them away. But as I am not I must simply stand until they decide to let go. I would die of no air if they chose to linger, to continue the horrible assault against my body with nothing but a firm but gentle hand that lay on my stomach. It hurt. I just want it to end, please just let it all end.

And it does.

It’s so quick when I finally get a breath of air in, I sway a little, the sudden on rush of air hitting my head as if someone had punched me. It was jarring, while the sudden onslaught of pain was over, it still lingers against my skin in ways I could never thought such a simple touch would do. It is as if I had just run thousands of miles, just been sent into war with nothing but my fists versus the entirety of Thedas’s armies. I ache all over, I feel sick to my stomach as the onslaught turns my guts inside out, quivering under the weight too much. I want to cry, the pain hurts so terribly and I know it will stay for days.

I stare at the fool who touched me yet I can't say something to them so I wait for them to speak, they must be after all of that.

It is a painfully long silence before they finally do.

“You are pregnant,”

The words are like ice water thrown upon my soul, the heaviness of it makes my heart sink deep into my stomach. My mouth waters with nausea and I feel as if every single pair of eyes is upon me, everyone is staring at me.

I wonder how they know.

I wonder how I can know it to be true.

I wonder if he will ever know it.

I want to cry.

I want to scream.

I want to speak.

Yet I can think of no words, it does not matter of course but still, nothing I say will make a change, will matter in the end. So I stay silent as I stare, as I struggle with the lingering ache of the touch upon my skin and I stare. We say no other words but they do not leave, they linger. They watch. I watch back. They must be wondering who could have done this, who would ever have touched a Saarebas in such a way, not to mention the kind I am. I want to snap at them, to tell them to look away and whatever must be going through their mind is none of their business. But I cannot, though I try to open my mouth, on instinct it tightens close as soon as I feel the first pull of the thread. Fear keeps me quiet, not even a hum can escape. So we stare, this other Saarebas and I, I don’t know where they are staring and they probably do not know where I am staring.

But I feel as if our eyes are meeting

And I am terrified.

Time passes by, I am not sure how many hours but I know it is hours. I do not move and neither does the other qunari. They continue to loom over me, and I wish for more than anything I could rip the mask from their face so I can see what they think of me. My hands shake with the thought, twitch with the desire to move but I refuse it, keep it tight by my side. Qunari do not give in to their baser desires, not if it will threaten the Qun. Saarebas are to be masked, always. I am not to give into these feelings, for what if what I let loose is a demon? Mages are chained, we are blinded, we are silenced for a reason. We are dangerous things, this I know. So they remained masked and I remain unknowing. It is the price one pays for peace.

I just want to keep the peace.

The door to the hidden room slams open and the faintest stream of light comes through the doors. Laughter swells into the room and I can see the other Saarebas flinch at the sudden onslaught of sound. Perhaps we all find noise to be too much. Though the qunari that enters the room is anything but joyful as his shoulders hunch up to his ears and a ragged breathing enters the room, one of anger and hate. I swallow down on the spit in my mouth, it is thick and bitter as it slides down my throat and I frown. The man snaps his eyes to look at me and I realize with a shock it is my Arvaarad, and while I can not see clearly I can see the fire in his eyes, one of hate that turns my bones to lead and I cower my head down in fear. I swallow again with a desperate breath as my heart beats heavily in my chest. Blood thumps in my ears too, a feeling of fire in them as I squeeze my eyes shut from the sudden intensity.

“Saarebas,” He growls, I can feel it vibrate under my skin with a gasp of air. I squeeze my eyes harder, try to center my balance so I can walk, so I can follow so my leash won’t be dragged. I feel like a fearful mutt, but I am powerless to my body’s frozen stance. “Saarebas,” He orders again. How I wish I could speak, to get words to say I understand, I am coming, I just need a moment. I don’t think it would have helped but to even have the option to do so… I try to take a step, I find myself swaying. “Saarebas,” My breathing is out of control, it is as if someone sits on my chest and bares their entire weight onto me. I want to vomit, I want to cry, I want to say anything yet all I can do is freeze.

Footsteps approach me, heavy, unmistakable. I go to take another step, to show that I can walk on my own, that I do not need to be touched but there is nothing I can do to prove such a thing. And so, a hand wraps around my wrist and once again I find myself in agony as it is once gained burned and frozen, shocked and fizzled only made worse by an unforgiving yank as I stumble to follow the Arvaarad out. I want to pull away as I am dragged from the room, but I feel too many eyes set upon me, and either way, were I to disobey him, I would find myself to be punished. This touch was punishment enough.

So I do nothing as I am pulled out of the tavern, pulled into the streets before I am thrown to the side, my Arvarrd adjusting his armor as if he did not just toss me near to the ground. As if I fell. As if it was my fault. The lingering pain from where his touched continued to sting as I look down to where I was gripped. Though it is very hard to see, there are indents from where his fingers had dug into my skin. I wonder if it will bruise. I wonder if I will be forced to heal the bruises. Probably, he had me heal the others he left before, these will not be treated any differently. “Saarebas,” He hisses at me. I wonder what he were to do if I did not move, if I were to stand my ground here and refuse his orders. But I know better than that, he is the Arvaard, I am the Saarebas. I do as he says, I can never say no.

It is why I lay pregnant with his child.

So I step towards him. He begins to walk, I begin to follow.

As the way the Qun demands it to be.

It is a surprise that he returns us to the barracks, it cannot be late in the day, it must still be early afternoon and we never return at this hour but yet we do. I can tell he is angry, those heavy footsteps have more of a push to them and his breathing is sharp, with words I can not hear mutter quietly under them. Naturally, I wonder what he is angry about, what has got him so worked up to have us to be returning home so soon but I cannot ask so I simply sit with the question in my head, as it usually does. I have a lot of questions in my head and I will never be allowed to ask them, never be allowed to hear an answer for them. I wonder if it should drive me mad, sometimes it feels like it does the way they bounce around my mind as I helplessly try to catch them, to calm them. Yet, I cannot let it drive me to madness, for one like me is not to have answers, that is not what the Qun wants of me so I ignore them, as best as I can anyway. So I don’t question why we are back, I don’t question why we return to our room nor do I question him throwing open my door and angrily gesturing me in.

I step past the threshold and turn, ready for orders, an explanation or just the door to be slammed in my face. I don’t like the dirty chuckle he gave instead. “I don’t have time to entertain you Saarebas, go lay on the bed and wait for my return,” How quickly his tone shifted from flat humor to seething anger. “I have some things I need to take care of,” And with that, my door is slammed shut, the hinges giving a protested squeak at the sudden, rapid push of the door. It hurts my ears, the way the door slams and I am grateful he cannot see the way I flinch at the sound. My ears ring for a moment, but I can still hear the angry stomp of the Arvaarad go from the door, off to wherever he needed to be.

I stare blankly at the door.

My skin aches.

My head thrums.

My lungs hurt as I try to take in air.

It feels like my head is being pulled from my shoulders.

It hurts, everything hurts so much.

I try to walk towards my bed but find my legs can no longer carry the weight of my body as I collapse to the ground. The floor is cold, and it should be unforgiving against my screaming skin but if anything I find it a comfort. Pain on other pain, helping to mask what hurts the most by catching the brain’s need to focus on what new is starting to hurt. It’s uncomfortable and I squirm against the unforgiving chill but it is better than the remnants of gut-wrenching pain on my stomach, on my wrist. Weakily, I try to drag myself to the mattress that sits in the corner, every pull of my body scrapping me across the ground which my body tried to protest but I fought to ignore it. One of the Qun does not give up and if I am anything, I am qunari.

So I do not give up, I fight the pain with gritted teeth and a clenching fist as I continue my drag across the floor. It is agonizing, I feel my head want to spin harder but I bite on my tongue to fight away the feeling. I am so close, it is nearly within reach. I just need one last push.

It’s hard, it’s an unforgiving task to try to pull oneself anywhere. I can barely do it, the way I have to grip the mattress to pull myself makes the skin under my nails hurt from just how hard I must grip. I hear a groan in the fabric, a call to be released, that I have put too much strain on it but I cannot give up, so I only tighten my grip. The agony of the floor upon my skin is replaced with the semi-comfort of this mat protecting me from the unforgiving nature of this floor. My shoulders, then arms, stomach, then hips all get pulled to the mattress. I wish to stop, to determine that it is enough and to end this agony but I will not. Qunari finish things in full and so I continue this pull through the pain.

Somehow, some way, I am successful and I lay upon my mattress completely, not an inch over. Instead, I curl into a ball, I place a hand to my stomach, careful of where my skin still screamed in pain and closed my eyes. I listened, I searched, I hope to find some sort of sign that maybe those words that were spoken by that Saarebas were true.

But I feel nothing.

I feel cold when the realization comes over me. Maybe there was nothing. That should make me happy, that should make me joyful knowing that I was at least granted that blessing but…

I lay back in my bed, I stare up at the ceiling a sight that once brought me comforts for many years but now when I look I shudder every time. For it is what I stared at when he came in here. I don’t even remember how many nights ago it was now, I think my memory has desperately tried to block it from myself. But I still remember the squeak of the hinges, the sounds of those heavy steps, weight over my body as hands searched around it with that disgusting, wet breath grazed upon my neck. Here, in the one sanctuary, I once had, now just another place of torture for me to be in. I can’t help the hopelessness that starts in my stomach. It builds into a ball and while I cannot make a sound, I can at least let the tears fall from my face, down the side of my cheeks.

If I am such a dangerous thing, why can I cry so easily?

My hand is still on my stomach as I press down into it.

I squeeze my eyes shut.

If you are real, perhaps there is more to me than just being a dangerous thing. If you are real I would not want you in this world I live in chained and sewn shut. I would not let them treat you as if you are not a person. If you are real, show me a sign and I will fight for you. I will not let you grow up here but I cannot even try if I do not know you are real.

Show me a sign and I will fight.

If you are not real…

Then a dangerous thing, I will stay.

So i have shared parts of this through out I think the week and I am excited to finally share part one of this series. We will follow Bas to the escape of the Qun, what he life was life after, then when he joined the Crows and what followed in that time of his life. Then of course his run in with Illario, their relationship before the beginning of the game, along with some one shots about his and Lucanis blooming relationship probably cause I have brain rot bad for him.

Also Oz will be returning too, I plan to write Bas, then Oz, then back and forth over and over if you get what I am saying.

Welp, think I'm either gonna write, draw, or play Bas' save in VG cause I need more screenshots of the old man but also of his younger self for everything. (Also need to get Illario in the game as a companion replacement so I can get some screenshots of them like that but low ket scared to do that lmao, I am not every good with modding)

But thank you for reading!!

I love you.

say it back

pwease

(im kidding im sorry)

-<3 Skunch

#dragon age #dragon age the veilguard #dragon age veilguard #dragonage veilguard #datv #da: the veilguard #dav rook #dragon age rook #rook #datv rook #da rook #qunari rook #dragon age qunari #qunari mage #bas de riva #saarebas

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kassaandor · 7 months ago

Text

Title: With You (Dieter Bravo x f!Reader*)

Rating: A hard T, or a soft M.

Word count: 724

Warnings: Drugs; depression; self-hatred; suicidal ideation. Nothing is acted on, but it is all discussed.

*This is fully self-serving, so while I’ve chosen to list the Reader character as female and depict her as such on the header, there is no use of gendered pronouns or descriptors within the fic; Dieter calls Reader “babe/baby”.

Notes: This is unasked for, unwanted, unbetaed. I just needed to get some feelings out, and apparently the only pathetic way I could do that was to use Dieter.

(header by me; feather divider by @saradika-graphics)

“Babe?”

You don’t answer. You’re not even sure you would be able to if you wanted.

Instead, you sit cross-legged on the bed, staring down at the bottles in front of you.

It would be so easy…

You’re studying a bottle of Lexapro, wondering idly just how much would be enough, when you hear the faint sound of his footsteps outside the door. You try to quickly cover your tracks, tossing the blankets over your stash…

…but you aren’t fast enough.

“What the fuck?”

You meet Dieter’s eyes, dark and wide, like he’s seen a ghost. You open your mouth to try and say something, to explain yourself, but it isn’t fast enough. He’s sitting beside you quicker than you think is possible, his big hands digging under your blankets and coming up with the pill containers.

“What are you doing?” There’s a loud rattle as he tosses the bottles haphazardly onto the nightstand and fills the new emptiness in his palms with your cheeks. “Baby, no. Please talk to me. What were you going to do?”

“Nothing,” you breathe after several moments of silence. “I wasn’t… I wasn’t going to do anything. I just…” A long sigh, from the deepest parts of your body and soul. “I just realized how easy it would be if I wanted to.”

You force yourself to meet his eyes, and they’re wet and soft, and it breaks your heart in a thousand pieces to realize your stupid selfish moment of weakness is making him cry. You raise your hands to wrap around his wrists, closing your eyes against his soft thumbs pressing into your face.

“Baby, you’re scaring me,” he says; repeats it a few times. “Can I take you to the hospital? Can we get help?” He pulls your upper half closer, resting his forehead against yours. “I need you here. I can’t lose you. Please don’t go.”

“I wasn’t going to, Dieter,” you say again. “I— I don’t want to die. It just struck me that I could, if it got bad enough, if…”

You feel the sob that wracks him before you hear it pass his lips. “You can’t die before me,” he murmurs. Normally, this would be a joke, a way he teases you when you’re complaining about pain or frustration. Now, it’s pure fear. “This world needs you. I need you.”

Something breaks inside you, cracking the dull, near-numb ache you’ve been feeling, and you start to cry. “I don’t know if I’m strong enough,” you whisper.

He pulls you closer, so close you’re all but kneeling on his thigh, and he wraps you in the tightest hug you’ve ever felt. You close your eyes and breathe him in — the scent of weed, of patchouli, of wood and musk — and you wish that instead of not existing you could instead exist just right here for the rest of your life.

“You’re one of the strongest people I’ve ever met, babe.” He draws long, soothing lines along your spine with his fingers, but doesn’t release you. “But one thing I’ve learned in my eleventy billion hours of therapy is that strong doesn’t negate hurt.”

“Am I a coward for even considering the easy way out?”

That makes him release you, but only so far as to meet your gaze again. “Don’t you ever call yourself a coward.” Still crying, his expression is dark now, almost angry, but with a kind of softness behind it. “Would you think that if our roles were reversed right now? If you’d been with me any time I considered fucking offing myself in the past?”

“No…”

“So don’t you say that about yourself. You are not a coward.” He runs his fingers under your eyes, wiping away your tears. “I need you to understand that you’re not wrong for feeling this way, okay? I know it. I know it far too well. And I’m here with you.”

You sit that way for a bit, silent, but his hands resting still on your cheeks, yours on his shoulders. It should be awkward, but it feels…comforting. Grounding.

“Dee?”

“Yeah?”

You exhale heavily. “I think I need to talk to someone. Someone professional. And I want you there.”

He smiles, brushes your face with his thumbs, leans in and offers the lightest of kisses.

“I’ve got you, baby. I’m with you.”

#dieter bravo fanfiction #pedro pascal character fanfiction #pedro pascal characters #dieter bravo x reader #dieter bravo x f!reader #the bubble #dieter bravo #fanfiction #writing!

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yuriko-mukami · 29 days ago

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Her Calamity

Ecstasy Prologue

Beta reader: @ruki-mukami-dl

Chapter Selection

My thoughts are overcrowded, my room's empty The more I search, the more that I lose clarity I need help, lost myself Don't know who's in the mirror Is this hell? Hear you yell But there's nobody here Feel unwell, can you tell? That I need you, my dear

— Haunted by Isabel Larosa

A gunshot. Another. Third one.

I gaze at the blue sky but everything is turning red. They cry, cry, cry from pain. Until it becomes completely silent. No more weeping. Not even the birds sing. The forest has become death.

I wait, wait, wait. When will I be shot too?

But the bullet doesn’t come. Instead, an ethereal being appears before me, spreading her arms and reaching for me.

“Ruki… come to me…” Such a beautiful ring in her voice. Her hair is like fluffy clouds and her eyes like a pool of the morning sky before sunrise. “I’m here for you…”

Lunging forward, I try to catch her but my fingers slip through her body. A fragile little thing. She should be mine. Why do I think like that? Who knows… but I feel it in my very soul – if I have such. This woman is my possession.

“Ruki…” Tiny fingers almost touch mine as the teal gaze locks into my eyes. She looks like an angel; only the wings are missing. And she is calling me over and over again.

If only I could remember her name.

“I will take you away from this nightmare. Come, Ruki, come.”

Clearing my throat, I nod. Yes, to leave this all behind. To make my past disappear. To lose myself in the arms of this angel. That is what I want now. She will be my savior, the one my heart yearns for. All I need to do is to take her hand and let her carry me off.

Finally, I manage to link our fingers. She’s so warm, a being full of life. Her blood gushes in her veins, luring me, singing the most beautiful song for me. Only for me. No one else can have her anymore, for she will be mine eternally.

A gunshot.

Something hot and crimson hits my face. My angel wails, falling backward. Her heart bounces, bounces, bounces as it pushes the elixir of her life off her body, covering her chest with a sea of crimson as her soul escapes her.

“No!”

No, no, no, no!

My screams echo in the carmine darkness.

I jumped up. Everything hurt as my guts were turning upside down. Keep your eyes open, keep your eyes open. A groan escaped from my lips as the room kept spinning around me in the gloominess of this creeping night. My chest vibrated, a gag forcing its way through my throat.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

Towing the blanket off, I laid my feet on the floor. The room swayed and my body wailed. I pressed my hand over my mouth and staggered toward the door.

Step. The second. The third. Everything was whirling around me and in me as the next gagging reflex ached in my upper body. Could I even make it? Damn, I must. No one could see me like this.

What was this pain that shot right through me? I reached for the door, my fingers slipping from the handle.

“Fuck!”

My knees gave up, meeting the floor as I tried to hang on the doorknob. My throat was burning and I could taste it. The nasty flavor that rose from my stomach. Tossing the door open, I crawled into the bathroom on all my fours. My muscles trembled, sending jitters all over me. A little more, just a little more. I would get –

My insides twisted and turned. Upside down, clenching tight, and then releasing everything. The degrading taste of gastric acid scorched me, spewing out of me.

Disgusting. Shameful. I had become such a failure of a master.

Hurling more, I lost myself in another nightmare. Everything was flaring hot and freezing cold at the same time as quivers ran through me. There was nothing in this world but this pain and agony.

Damn, how much I hated it. Despised it so much. Never did I wish to feel it again.

“Fuckin’ hell, Ruki! Can’t ya stay in yer freakin’ bed for a moment!?”

Was that my brother? Yuma shouldn’t see me like this. Pressing my palms against the floor, I pushed my body up. But my arms only quavered, not giving me the support I needed. The tiles of the floor came closer and closer, soon they would hit my cheek. But just then, something tucked my collar. My throat tightened as the fabric of my shirt squished against it and closed it when I was plucked into a more upright position.

A release. Tree-like arms wrapped around me and hauled me up from behind. I swayed in the grip of my brother, unable to help myself. Soreness throbbed on my skin and the room spun once more.

“Hell with this nasty mess!” Yuma dragged me out of the bathroom.

“I will… call a familiar… to clean this… up…” Azusa’s voice came from a distance.

The world swung around me. Yuma landed me on the sheets once more, and my head met the pillow again, sinking in it. But that was only temporary. He moved the cushion against the bed’s headboard and tugged me sitting it behind my back before covering the lower part of my body with the blanket. A pleasant feeling of warmth swam into my legs and eased the convulsion in me.

“Here… Ruki… You should… drink…” Azusa closed in, holding a glass with red liquid.

I shook my head.

A mistake. Bad one. Everything whirled. Fuck this weakness. “No… I only drink from Yuriko…”

“She ain’t here and ya gotta get better.” Yuma sat on the bed as Azusa roamed next to him.

“I said no.”

“I didn’t fuckin’ ask ya!” Yuma’s voice made my ears ring. “Ya ain’t got a right to be so freakin’ stubborn.”

A sigh that radiated from my chest hurt so badly that I almost felt my eyes tearing up. “Yuriko… She’s my only prey…”

“If we… wish to save her… You must be… strong, Ruki…” Azusa brought the glass near my lips. “She will… understand…”

No, no, no. I could not do this. I should be drinking only from Yuriko’s veins, her blood was the only thing that was allowed to nourish my body. Even if she was not by my side, our promise must be kept. She was my sole purpose and love, and I would not betray her.

“It’s from a willin’ donor. Ya better gulp it down or I’m gonna force it in ya.”

Even though I saw everything slightly doubled, I could tell that Yuma was glaring at me. The glass touched my mouth and the sticky lukewarm fluid was poured onto my tongue before I could stop it. Such a horrid taste, nothing like my angel’s liquid of life, but it slid down my throat and into the bottom of my stomach, starting to fill it and reheat me as much as it was possible.

“Yuriko?” I coughed the name when Azusa removed the emptied glass from my lips.

“Subaru said… she wasn’t… with you… Ruki…”

Damn, that must mean we had failed. A vague image returned to my mind. The endless fight with the wolves, Yuuto by my side while Nalia, the witch, was squealing in the background. There were two possible answers. Yuriko was either with the Yako or with the Founders, but since the latter didn’t have anything to do with her, the formers were more likely the answer.

Still… had I forgotten something? I rubbed my temples. Everything was a mush. Nothing made sense in my head and I could not recall the details of the occurrences. Something tugged the corners of my mind, but I could not quite grab it.

Yet, one thing was clear.

“I must go…” I pressed my hands on the bed and pushed up, but in the very same instant, Yuma shoved his palm on my shoulder and held me down.

“Ya ain’t going anywhere until yer well again.”

I tried to struggle. In vain. Yuma was stronger than me, and I could not call even a trifle of strength at the moment. Shaking all over, I let my back meet the pillow once more and sighed.

“Fuck, even Kou is easier to handle than ya.” Yuma let go of me. “We’re watchin’ ya, Ruki. We’re gonna save Vixen, but first, ya gonna need to get healthy. So, ya better gulp up whatever we bring.”

I could not recall when I had seen Yuma like this – if ever. So adamant, making demands that could have come from my mouth if our roles had been the other way around.

“Am I fuckin’ clear?”

Yeah, he had unmistakably learned from the master. I had no other choice than nod; the loathsome truth was I could not move my body well enough to escape from my old room and go after the one who had taken my angel away. But I would find a way. No matter what, she would be in my arms even if that was the last thing I could manage in this world.

The dampness slid its freezing fingers under Yuriko’s shirt and skirt. She tried to wrap her cardigan better around her body and curled her toes again and again in her shoes. A low grumble rose from her stomach, vibrating through the air as she shivered on the hard bed she shared with Elizabeth.

Except at the moment, they weren’t sharing, for the Zombie girl had retreated into the opposite corner of the cell, enveloping her arms around her knees and swaying herself back and forth. Yuriko stared at her friend while her belly mourned again.

“I’m so hungry…” she couldn’t help but slip the words out.

“Ahhh, Yuri-Yuri! Don’t say it, don’t say it!” Elizabeth let out a long wail and swayed even harder. Suddenly her gaze turned toward Yuriko, glimmering. But this time it wasn’t friendly and curiously sparkling like usual. No, this was something else. “You smell too good… No wonder Ruki loves to bite you…”

“Eli-chan…” Yuriko shifted on the bed. If only she could hug her friend but Elizabeth had forbid her to even move closer.

“I… Oh, Yuri-Yuri… You have such beautifully plump thighs. So much meat in them…”

Yuriko pressed her calves closer to her thighs and tried to tug the hem of her skirt to cover the skin even better. She wasn’t afraid of Elizabeth, she wasn’t, she swore she wasn’t… but this… Yuriko had never seen her friend like this. It was like the threads of humanity were slowly unraveling and revealing something else, something lethal.

“Eli-chan, please, try to think about something else. I’m sorry for mentioning of being hungry!” Cold shivers ran up and down Yuriko’s quivering form. Would this ever end? And how would it turn out? She wasn’t sure about how many days they had already been in this cell. It could be just two or a week. Humid air made it impossible to feel warm even for a little moment, and the smell of mold was constantly pushing into her nostrils.

“You… you should turn into a fox and slither through the bars…” Elizabeth pressed her fingertips on her temples, rubbing her head while whining. “Then I can’t reach you… Yuri-Yuri, I’m losing my mind… I just want to eat so badly… So, so badly…”

“I can’t leave you alone! Never! You’re my best friend!” Yuriko blinked. The corners of her eyes were burning like she was about to cry. Yet, the tears didn’t come. Perhaps, she was too dry. When was the last time she had drunk something?

A vibrating growl danced through the dungeon, making Yuriko flinch. Was that Elizabeth? As Yuriko stared, the tinier girl placed her palms on the floor, getting on all fours and groaning. Her nails rattled against the tiles as she arched her back and grimaced. Gosh, this was happening! This wasn’t a dream! Elizabeth was about to lose it!

Yuriko forced her feet on the floor, trying to get up, but they wobbled from numbness, dropping her on the tiles. A pain shot her bottom as it hit the ground, but she tried to crawl backward to the bars while Elizabeth was creeping closer and revealing her teeth. No fangs like the Vampires had but surely those were strong enough to break the skin and… No, Yuriko didn’t want to think about it any further. Elizabeth would not bite her, she would not. If anyone, Elizabeth knew that Ruki was the only one who was allowed to do that. And besides that, the Zombie bites were different kind of dangerous than the Vampire bites, right? Elizabeth wouldn’t put Yuriko in such a danger because they were friends.

“Oh my gosh, oh my gosh!” Yuriko retreated as fast as she could with her legs not wanting to cooperate. Her spine hit the bars right before the back of her head. For a little while, all she saw were stars until the room became clearer and visible again.

“Yuri-Yuri…” Elizabeth let out a sound that sounded almost like a howl. “Turn into a fox now! Run away!”

“Do it now!” Elizabeth pressed her feet on the ground, leaning on them while keeping her hands on the floor as if she were collecting strength for dashing forward.

Focus, focus, focus! Yuriko closed her eyes. She had to do this, there was no other way around this. The only option was to get to the other side of the bars.

“Hurry!”

“I’m trying!” But nothing happened. Yuriko couldn’t reach her inner fox. It was as if it had gone dormant for whatever reason, there was no sign of it. Instead, her heart bounced so fast it was getting painful and her breathing turned ragged. If Elizabeth’s bites wouldn’t kill her, perhaps she would die from a heart attack.

“You ain’t doing nothing. Stay still, Yuriko.”

Yuriko flashed her eyes open. Shin was right behind the bars, gazing at them while holding a tray. She whirled around, wrapping her fingers around the metal and peering at him. “Shin, please, please, please, get me out! Don’t let Eli-chan bite me!”

“I don’t know. Big Brother said he wouldn’t mind if she took a piece of you.”

“Come on, Shin! We’re friends, and she is your girlfriend! You can’t let this happen!”

“You betrayed me after all I did for you. Both of you.” Shin's voice was like ice. Yuriko hadn’t ever heard him talking like that.

Elizabeth groaned, and a peek behind revealed that she was crawling closer again. Her eyes were getting clouded. There was no hint of the empathy that usually radiated through them. No words came out anymore, only animalistic sounds that made Yuriko’s skin coated with tiny bumps.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry!” Yuriko’s voice cracked. “I beg you, Shin!”

“Maybe you should use your fire…” Shin chuckled.

“I can’t! Eli-chan is my best friend!” Yuriko was gaping. Gosh, her chest hurt so much and the room was dimming in her eyes. Should she do as Shin suggested? But her flames could kill Elizabeth. She couldn’t ever forgive herself if that happened. Even getting killed was better than hurting her bestie. But then Ruki would avenge her and Elizabeth would suffer…

“You really have no self-preservation instinct. No wonder the Vampires got you so easily.” Shin’s only eye penetrated Yuriko. The gold shade of it was freezing. There was nothing left of that young man she had met months ago and saved. “Always thinking about the others before yourself…”

Shin sighed and opened the door. Yuriko sneaked on all fours next to his feet and escaped from Elizabeth to the corridor while Shin stepped in and squatted in front of the girl. “Hah, aren’t you helpless now, Chipmunk?”

Elizabeth’s answer was a groan. Yuriko turned to look and stared at the girl who crept closer to Shin, trying to snatch him. He dodged without a problem and then put the tray on the floor. Meat, there was a plate full of meat on it!

Thank gods… Yuriko closed her eyes and inhaled, lettin the aroma greet her nose. A growl deep within would have heated her cheeks in another occasion. Yet now, it was next to impossible to feel even warmth.

Yuriko couldn’t stop trembling and finally, her arms gave in. The floor greeted her. So hungry and tired, so hungry and tired. She hadn’t felt like this ever since her childhood when her mother had had very bad days and there hadn’t been anything to eat because of that.

Mom, I have failed so badly… Is this why you left the supernatural world behind? Yuriko quivered unable to get up. Fluttering her eyes open, she tried to focus.

Shin’s face appeared above her. He lugged her side with his shoe. “Stay alive. Big Brother doesn’t want you to die.”

Somewhere farther away Yuriko could distinguish a munching sound that should have crept her out, yet it only soothed her heart and pounding in her chest started to ease up.

“I… I really am… sorry…” Yuriko’s mouth was so dry. It was difficult to speak.

“You ain’t, don’t shit me. You wanted to mess up with our plans for a girl you barely know. Such a friend you are. I should have never believed in you.”

Licking her lips, Yuriko tried to gather her thoughts. Her body was getting heavy. “Yui-san is innocent. She should be with… with the one she loves. Like Eli-chan too.” And also me. “I just want… everyone to be happy… including you… Shin.”

“Then you’re an idiot. The world doesn’t work like that.” Shin crouched and slipped his arms under Yuriko’s armpits, hauling her up. He dragged her back into the cell and tossed her on the bed. Elizabeth lifted her head from the tray when they went past her but then continued chomping the meat pieces.

“Sit up.” Shin turned his back on Yuriko.

Answering would have taken too much energy but Yuriko tried to call out some to obey the order. With squirming against the wall she managed to get herself into a sitting position while Shin picked up another plate from the tray. Elizabeth hadn’t touched it.

“Eat. I’ll send a familiar to bring some water later.” Shin took a step back and was out of the cell before Yuriko could even nod. She simply sat and stared at the pieces of fried tofu until her stomach groaned and she grabbed one of them, stuffing it into her mouth as fast as she could. Gosh, it was so good that she could have died from the sensation that hit her tastebuds.

#ruki mukami #shin tsukinami #dialovers oc #diabolik lovers fanfiction #lurid lilies #yuriko's story

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propertyofhenrywinter · 2 years ago

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Long live all the mountains we moved

Max Verstappen x driver!reader

Summary: the aftermath of a crash equals more hurt comfort (can be read as a second part to Long live the walls we crashed through, but also on its own. This ofc isn’t proofread)

WC: 3.2k

Max knew you would be cross with him is you knew he was blaming himself, but he just really felt the need to whelm in his self-pity for a while. For a second he justified this by thinking that you would feel the same if the roles where reversed. That thought however was soon discarded because he knew that if it had been him getting hurt on track you would’ve stood your ground firmer and insisted he’d get checked out. ‘It really is my fault,’ he thought. ‘It is my job to protect her. I should have listened to my gut.’

If max was honest with himself, he had realized something was wrong. He couldn’t exactly pinpoint what, but something in the way you had caried yourself while talking to the team and other drivers made him feel uneasy. By the time you had chatted with everyone who had wanted to see were okay with their own eyes none of them had thought to have a medic make sure you were completely fine. He didn’t understand their exact reasoning, maybe it had just slipped their mind or maybe they had genuinely believed you were fine, but he had thought about it almost immediately after he had let you go from his side, and he hadn’t stopped think about it while you had been driving away from the track. Now he wished he would’ve been more persistent about bringing you to a hospital, because he had known well enough that you weren’t fine, no matter how hard you had tried to convince him otherwise.

“I just want to go home, Max. Please.” You looked at him pleading and your voice sounded defeated. “I want to take a shower with you, just a shower,” a pointed look was added, “and then I want to cuddle up with you in bed while watching one of my comfort movies and eat ice cream right out the tub. And then fall asleep before the movie ends. And tomorrow we will do the same thing or maybe you could read a bit to me if I’m feeling to soar to do it myself,” she rattled off. “If your feeling soar you should see a doctor,” Max responded sharply, but he had known that the matter was settled and you two would do exactly as you had said.

Of course, it hadn’t gone as you planned. Max had already noticed you had looked worse when you got home than you had at the track, but he shrugged it off, thinking you were probably just tired, and your body need some rest after undergoing the G-forces it did during the crash. By the time you two had made your way to the bathroom he noticed you really weren’t walk normally. “Love,” he started soft, trying one last time to talk some sense into you. “No, please, Max,” you had sounded so breakable with your voice no louder than a whisper. It broke him to see you hurt, so he had let it go although he knew he shouldn’t have.

All hell broke lose when you had tried to take your shirt off. You had only wanted to lift your arm over your head before you had crumbled to the ground, letting out a blood-curdling scream. Max had been next to you in less than a second. He had been trying to figure out what was wrong precisely, but when he had noticed you were on the verge of unconsciousness he had just scooped you up in his arms and put you in his car to speed off to the hospital.

He had no regard for the traffic rules on his way, and although he had thought of calling an ambulance he had known that that would take way longer. While you were drifting in and out of consciousness he thought that he should talk to you. Tell you something encouraging maybe, but he just couldn't bring himself to open his mouth, afraid that any sound but the roaring of the engine and the struggle of your breath would make all of this too real.

When the hospital was less than two minutes away you awoke once again, but instead of the almost inaudible wail of pain he expected to hear again, this time you started coughing like crazy. Max had sworn his heart stopped when he saw you were coughing up blood.

The bright lights in the hospital made the contrast between the dark roads outside even more striking. In the car it had been quiet, just you and him. At the hospital it had been bustling with sounds and people, and you had been ripped out of his arms almost the second he walked trough the double swing doors. In a way he was sad he had reached the hospital, because as long as you were driving he could tell himself that he was doing what he could, while also having you at arm’s length next to him.

As soon as you were pried away by the emergency room staff members a doctor had started asking him more questions than he had believed could be necessary. He had answered them in a haze and before he good and well realized it the doctor had disappeared into the operation room where he had been told you also would be. That’s how he found himself sitting in a waiting area a nurse with dark skin, but light hair had brought him to. There he sat spiralling down in his own guilt.

He doesn’t know how long he sat there when the doctor who had asked him all those questions walked up to him. ‘How is she,’ he almost heard himself ask it, but he couldn’t’ bring himself to actually form the words, too afraid of what the answer might be. Before the silence reached a significant amount of time he heard the doctor. “Your partner will be alright, Mr. Verstappen. I assume her rib was fractured during the crash and when she tried to lift her arm a splinter moved and punctured her lung causing the worst of the damage she suffers. We fixed that during the operation. We also ran a full body x-ray and constated she also broke her left wrist and fibula and of course two of her ribs.” Max listened to the long list of injuries and despite the feeling of despair for your hurt he wondered just how stubborn you had to be not to get check by a medic, because he knew that all those breaks must have been hurting every time you moved. That was before the doctor saw the confusion in is eyes and added: ‘I also assume that an extreme amount of adrenaline was released right before and after the crash. That would explain why she hadn’t felt anything before her rib moved.” After that was clarified only one question rested him: “When can I see her?”

On his way to your room doctor questions, as Max had been calling him in his head, explained that you were still asleep and probably would be for the next hours, maybe even a full day, but that once you were awake and had done a couple of simple short test you would be allowed to go home quickly. “I don’t expect her to have to stay more than two full days,” he had concluded.

When he entered the room it felt like his long got puncture as well, seeing you so pale in bed with your foot and arm in a cast and a bag with clear liquid attached to your arm with an IV. He looked at the clock and saw it was almost morning. He wondered just how long it would take you to open your eyes, because he doesn’t want to wait a full day.

A nurse, an older woman with grey hair this time, came in to check your vitals and also informed Max that he was allowed to stay with you. Once she left he felt in his pocket to see if he had brought his phone with him. To his delight he had. He opened it so he could start informing everyone who needed to know, but the moment his screen lit up he could see he had a ton of missed calls and messages. It took him a while to figure out what was going on, but when he opened a text message from Charles it became clear. Turns out someone had seen him speeding down the streets to the hospital. Max felt a sliver of relieve when he saw your face wasn’t visible in any of the pictures of his car or when he was carrying you inside, but that didn’t change the fact it was disgusting people took and shared those pictures or that it was clear it was you. Some trashy news sites had even already wrote articles. He didn’t bother opening them. There was probably nothing true in them anyway.

He responded to Charles, explaining what had happened. Afterwards he simply copied and pasted that text and send it to everyone who he felt deserved to know. Almost exactly when he was finished his phone rang. It was Charles. Max contemplated picking up, but ultimately decided that since he would be stuck here for a while it couldn’t hurt to hear him out before he returned to the bottom of the mental ditch he had been digging himself in the waiting room.

If Max had thought the doctor had asked him a lot of questions, Charles must have simply impressed him by how long his list was. The Dutchman was tired mentally and physically, so he didn’t put up a fight answering him. Only when the questions were about how he was doing he resorted to one-word answers. Without giving Max a chance to protest, and he really wanted to protest, he had decided he was going to call the hospital to see when visiting hours were and come over as soon as he could.

He didn’t have to wait to long before the man who he had had on the phone only a few hours ago strode into the room as if he was coming to visit them to celebrate a birthday. Much to his dismay Charles seemed to have brought half of all the people he knew. “The more the merrier,” Charles had exclaimed a little to cheery. “It’s a hospital it’s not supposed to be ‘merry,’” Max growled.

He won’t ever admit it, but it helped that there were a lot of people around. Firstly, because that meant he could be mad at them instead of himself and secondly because it distracted him from your seemingly lifeless body in the bed, although you had regained a little colour since he first walked in. Out of everyone he might have been most grateful for George’s presence. He definitely didn’t think that would be the case, but because it was clear that he was blaming himself as well it gave Max the feeling there was someone who understood, even though only a little, what he was going through. They didn’t dare to look at each other the first half hour or so they were in the room together, but once they did see the looks on each other’s faces they grew compassionate towards the other and Max realized casting blame was stupid and so it became a little easier to forgive himself.

People left at various time and to Max’ surprise there were also people who came in, apparently Charles has informed the whole entire world about when and where they had to be to visit you. He wondered how so many people could fit inside such a tiny room and how the hospital even allowed this many visitors.

Considering max hadn’t slept for too long, something else you could berate him for once you woke up, he was pretty glad when visitor hours came to an end and the people in the hospital room started to make themselves scarce. Right when Charles was saying his goodbyes a thought crossed max’ mind. “Could you maybe go to our place and check if I closed the door properly? I left in such a rush, and I don’t remember pulling it shut,” he asked the Monegasque. “Yes, of course. I’ll text you, okay?” To which Max simply responded with a thank you, and for the first time since the hole roller-coaster of events took place he allowed himself to worry about other things than you. He hoped nobody broke in if he left the door open, but that was unlikely considering the whole building had strict security. He hated to admit is but what he actually had wanted to ask Charles was to check on his cats. You would be furious if anything had happened to them, and he really didn’t need anther reason added to the list of things he did that he knew would piss you off.

His eyes and mind returned to you, and he was thankful that you hadn’t woken up while all the people were there. He much rather had you open your eyes to only him and a calm, silent room. You had given a few signs you were closer to consciousness while your friends were here. Things like slightly moving a finger or a squint in an eyelid. He was pretty sure no one else noticed these things, probably because they simply weren’t playing attention to them. However, it had almost been 24 hours and you really should be waking up, which made him worry something was wrong. In the end his tiredness won from the worry, and he dosed off sitting in a position that would make his neck hurt more than the nastiest turns in F1 could under the highest possible G-forces.

He might have fallen asleep, but he wasn’t asleep deep, and so the quietest “Max” ever spoken is what woke him up. When he opened his eyes they were immediately staring into yours. “Hey,” he said as he moved closer to you, “you gave me quite the scare.” He put his hand on the side of your face and his thumb started stroking your cheek. “I’m sorry,” you murmured. “It’s all good now,” Max replied and before he could help himself he added: “I love you.” “I love you too.” The reply came natural to you. Sooner than he wanted the older nurse came back, and when she saw you were awake she went to get the doctor.

While you were out doing all sorts of tests and scans Max waited in your room. His phone screen lit up alerting him that someone texted him. ‘Door was open, but everything seems ok.’ Immediately a second message followed, ‘Also fed the cats theyre mad you guys left them I think.’ He had added a picture of the animals.

Once your bed was wheeled back into the room the doctor explained to you both how the next few weeks would look for you. It started with the endless list of check-ups you would have to go to and ended with the most dreadful news you had ever hurt. “No physical demanding activities for at least six weeks, so no sporting, don’t go long distances on foot and try to avoid stairs.” For the only time ever Max was glad about your bedridden state because he knew that you would have fought the doctor for keeping you from racing if you could. The look on your face however probably also made him wish he could crawl away into the nearest closet.

After this little briefing you were allowed to go home. You believed Max was happier about this than you were because Max had been there for almost two days. So had you but you couldn’t really remember anything between enter the bathroom and waking up at the hospital. “You shouldn’t blame yourself for whatever stupid reason you are,” you said to your boyfriend when you saw how tight he was clamping the steering wheel. “I’m no,” he responded, “I mean, I did at first, but not anymore.” “Good,” you sight, “than why are you driving like that?” you added with an over-the-top judgemental tone. “Like what,” he retorted fake offended. “Like that steering wheel is the root of all your problems.” He relaxed his hands “Not all of them but there probably are waiting some fines in our mailbox from our trip to the hospital.” You exaggerated a sigh “It’s a shame not everyone is as good a driver as I am.” Max gave you a side-eye. “you’re lucky that crash wasn’t your fault, because I would have held that over your head eventually.” You gasped “You brute.” But secretly you enjoyed that the topic didn’t weigh to heavy between you two. “Also,” Max continued, “remind me who was leading that race again before George so rudely interrupted it?” You supressed a giggle “Oh, I don’t pay attention to that sort of things. All people care about is who is first in the driver standings.”

Suddenly it hit you; six weeks of no racing meant you would lose your first place, enormously diminishing your chances of winning your first championship. Max noticed the mood change and he could guess what this was about “Look there are only three races in those weeks, and the last one is even all the way at the end of your recovery period. We might convince the doctor to let you participate in that one if you recover well. The only way that’s going to happen is if you don’t spend to much time worrying that pretty head of yours and actually relax. Am I clear?” he looked at you while asking that. “Yes,” you said surely. “And also,” he continued, “it will make our fight for the title even more entertaining.” This time you really let out a giggle, which made you wince due to your soar ribs. “We are the Katniss and Peeta of the racing world.” You spoke. “Who?” Max asked. “Max, please say your joking,” you said, shocked by this discovery, “you don’t know the Hunger Games?” your moth almost hung agape. “Of course, I know of the Hunger Hames,” he said sharply, “I’ve just never watched it.” You decided this was unacceptable and you were going binge-watch all the movies when you were home, witch you were while you ended your scolding to your uneducated boyfriend who had been amused, but more relieved, by how lively you were acting. As you entered the elevator Max finally got a chance to speak. “If I remember correctly there was a showered planned before or movie in bed.” You hadn’t thought about it but suddenly you felt dirty. You hadn’t showered after the race which was two days ago. Suddenly you felt relieved there was no one else in the elevator to smell the odour you and Max, who you assumed also hadn’t showered, were spreading. “A shower is probably a good idea for both of us,” you concluded. Max looked at you and it was clear what he was thinking about. “No Max, remember no physical demanding activities for six weeks,” you laughed.

#max verstappen x reader #f1 x reader #f1 imagine #f1 fanfic #f1 fic #max verstappen x you #max verstappen imagine #max verstappen fanfic #max verstappen fluff

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mediocre-shark-tales · 1 year ago

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Fated by the Stars (12)

Straykids ot8 x Reader

Warnings - Mentions of Abuse, Mentions of Wounds/Injuries Traumatic Past, Violence, Swearing, and Mentions of Non-consensual Molesting.

Summary - Sang-Jun finds out you're taken will he stop pursuing you or what?

Masterlist

Finally the heat had broken, I had worried the boys when my heat lasted longer than it should have. They took me to the hospital at one point because it hadn't broken. When the doctor had learned of my past with heats, he soon understood what the problem was. "So based on all the information I am aware of, her natural heat stopped becoming natural. Basically it stopped all together as her first pack alpha forced it to stay on track with his ruts. Since she had gone so long with out the medication I believe her body finally got back into the natural flow of things. It is probably just bad timing, like her heat might have already been about to come on. However she got spiked which sped things up, but her body is not used to the medication anymore. So her heat still came like it planned but that coincided with her forced one. She should break the heat within the week, since we don't know when her natural heat started it's hard to give an exact date." With that the boys brought me back home, their emotions more calm with an expert opinion behind them.

Once it finally broke, they found me crying in my nest. All of them rushing to find out what was wrong. I shook my head when they asked if I was hurt. But instead I told them, "I feel soooo grossssss, I'm so uncomfortable, please help me wash up?" I made grabby hands at them all, waiting for someone to take my offer and help me with my needs. They all chuckled in some way as Chan and Hyunjin stepped forward. "We will give you a nice bath pup, we were about to wash up anyways." Hyunjin said while carrying me. Chan told the others to clean up the rest of the house, Minho and Felix would start dinner. He would ask me before I left the room if they could take down and wash the nest. Which I nodded to with the exception that they must re-scent their specific blanket, or fur once cleaned. They all eagerly agreed and went off to do their specific task while Chan, Hyunjin and I went to wash up together.

Ever since then we have had great day after great day. Even when they had to be gone for work, all was okay, cause we were mated for life. I could feel their emotions and they could fell mine. We were more sensitive to each other, able to find each other quicker. All was good, I finally felt really love, experiencing how an omega should be treated. It was so fantastic.

Today, I was brought to the mall by Seungmin and Changbin. They had the day off and when I asked if I could go to the mall alone they threw a fuss. We came to the agreement that they would take me and wait in the car so if they get anything bad happen then they could get to me quickly. I agreed as long as they didn't look in any of the bags when I returned to the car. I wanted to make them all something nice as a token to our completed bonding. I just loved giving them things.

Walking in the mall, I could feel myself adorning a large smile as I walked through different craft stores buying all the items I would need to complete my project. As I moved on to the next store for more supplies. I happily walked along the hallway, seeing cute couples and family's with kids walking past me. I smiled thinking about one day having a bunch of pups of my own. I wished to birth a kid for each one of my mates, making them happy to each have their own offspring.

However I soon stopped as that acidic smell entered my senses, in front of me stood both Sang-jun and Sang-Hee. I felt my blood run cold, as my body instinctively went numb. It was always better to hide your emotion than suffer the consequences of having the wrong emotion at the wrong time.

I saw them both staring at my shoulders. I had worn a pretty off the shoulder top with a pair of jean shorts. I wanted to show off all my perfectly healed mating marks. I had learned through social media that these were most like trophies in the omegan world. So I wore the perfect outfit to feel cute and show off my bond to my pack.

Yet when these two saw the marks, they were filled with overwhelming anger. Both of them stalked up to me menacingly. It's then that I could feel the anger and fear of my mates, no doubt they could feel my emotions run cold. I'm sure when my emotions had gone numb to them as well they all freaked out. This was good however, as it meant Changbin and Seungmin were running in for me. I just had to hold my ground for a bit.

"So you decided to mate to those worthless alpha's bitch?" I growled back at Sang-Hee. "Say what you want about me but don't speak filth of my pack." Sang-Jun growled at me. However I stood proud knowing my alpha and beta were coming. "It's doesn't matter how hard they hold onto you Omega. We will get you back, even if we have to slaughter that whole pack just to retrieve what is rightfully mine." Sang-Hee looked at Sang-Jun. "Ours you mean." Sang-Jun nodded. "Whatever"

A few years before my escape, Sang-hee had taken a liking to me after experiencing how I would act and submit to Sang-Jun. Thus they promised to share me. Though it was easy to tell Sang-Jun wasn't 100% happy with the outcome. But he knew that it meant two chances for a perfect alpha pup from me.

My confidence began to drop as they were able to pin me to a wall, I was stuck. Fuck. Sangjun had his had wrapped tightly around my throat. Just above the mating marks so all I could feel was pain and loss of breath. "I promise you with my life omega. I WILL get your ass back in my home. I will break every last sliver of hope you have. I will fuck you into my perfect submissive omega that you used to be, and you will give birth to our pups. You WILL be mine, one way or another. just you fucking wait bitch."

With that he let go and they both walked away, when they turned the corner never to be seen again. That's when Changbin and Seungmin finally found me. They first noticed my tears, then noticed the slowly purpling bruise around my throat. it was obviously a hand print and they knew exactly what had happened. They just didn't know who. I wiped my tears as I let myself go numb, forgetting they stood there as I walked away.

I was no longer mentally aware, I went into full autopilot. The boys tried to reach me but soon realized why my bond went radio silent. They allowed me to finish buying my things, carrying my bags for me. Soon I was back in the car, sitting behind them as Changbin drove and Seungmin tried to calm me by rubbing my leg from the front passenger seat.

When we got back home, I could hear Seungmin on the phone. It sounded like group call as multiple voices came through the other end. He talked about me, they were probably all freaking out as my bond was numb. Nothing came from me, I had regressed to the same state I had back in my old pack. Changbin followed with half the bags. We both sat them down in my small art studio, it was a small room they had emptied out and renovated for me. Once they were sat ready to be emptied, I instead walked back out of the room. Changbin following as he shut the door for me. He silently followed as I made my way back to my room. He watched from the doorway as I crawled onto my bed and laid down staring at the ceiling.

I heard him sigh as he allowed me time alone, probably hoping I would come back from the headspace on my own. Yet that is not what happened. As everyone arrived home only two hours later, they opened my bedroom door to find me sat on the bay window. There was enough space for all of us. I sat in the middle, legs tucked up against me as my head and arms rested comfortable onto of my knees. I stared off out the window on tot he beautiful forest horizon. My room had one of the best views as I could watch the sunset.

I could hear them enter the room behind me and slowly come closer. Until finally a few of them sat down on either side, all of the Betas were sat around me. The alphas stood behind me, unsure of how to help their omega.

Hyunjin pulled me into his arms, carrying me to my bed. He laid back against the headboard, leaning me against him. He was hugging me to him from behind as Jisung laid down against my front. Seungmin and Felix each took a side, hugging me together in a puddle. When that barely worked, the alphas began to join them. Each one finding a spot to drown me in the huge cuddle puddle. The first one to speak was Chan, as an idea came to his head.

"Omega is safe now, Pack is here to protect omega." Each one of them felt and saw a small subtle change in me. Almost as if I was beginning to relax into their hold. So everyone began to say different things. Some told me how good of an omega I was for them. Some told me they were here to protect me from all evil. A few explained how they would rip apart anyone that tried to hurt me again. Finally my numbness faded, and I was hit with a rocketing wave of fear, pain, and sadness. I began to cry loudly as they all cooed and tried to hold me tighter. I began to receive kisses, and other wiped my eyes. Some massaged my stiff limbs. But what stood out the most prominent to them was how horse my voice sounded, this is when they knew who ever had choked me definitely damaged my throat.

This sent the alphas into a frenzy as I was ripped from he betas by Jeongin. Changbin sandwiching me against mjeoning for behind as they all asked who had hurt me. It took a moment but I was able to calm down enough to say his name. "s-Sang-jun." It hurt to speak, and that helped me calm down more as it took precedence in my mind. Growls erupted into the room as the boys could only imagine what he must have done or said to me for this kind of reaction to happen.

Yet when they calmed down, they decided it was better to let me experience all their love tonight. The questions could be saved for tomorrow, for now I needed to be reminded of how much they loved and adored me. This was not only for myself, but also them. Most if not all had felt like they failed me, especially the two who were with me. They scolded themselves for not being fast enough with finding me. Only showing up to the aftermath of the event. They would make to make it up to you. Some how.

Chan picked me out of Jeongins arms, handing me over to Hyunjin. He knew the lead beta was best at pampering me when it came to baths and such. "Give her the most pampered and calming bath you can. Then dress her for bed and bring her down for dinner. We want her as comfortable as possible for the night." When can looked around the room he said. "Everyone needs to take a sick day tomorrow. It's time to spoil her for the day again, to remind her she is safe with us." Everyone nodded at his words. The alphas all following him to ago help clean and set the table while also cooking my favorite for dinner.

The Betas all followed with me and Hyunijin into the main bathroom. This one was big enough for almost the whole pack to bath together. But that never really happened, it was usually just a group of us together.

Together they helped me undress, they undid my hair letting it flow down. Then they too all undressed themselves, Jisung was the first one ready and he began to set up the bath. Felix grabbed all our soaps, shampoos and conditioners. Hyunjin picked me up and placed me down into the warm bath with ease.

Then everyone joined us as bubbles surrounded all of us, jisung had made me a bubble bath. They were all trying their best to bring my mood back up. Trying to make me smile fully again. This made me happier, but I don't think I would fully smile again for a bit. I was still experiencing short memories of my past.

The abuse I had taken for years upon years, along with everything I seen done to others. It was beyond devastating. I could still almost feel the pain from everything, all the mental, emotional and physical pain I had experienced.

More tears began to cascade down my face as these memories flashed through my head. Seungmin noticed me first and instantly picked me up to sit in his lap. He held my face into his neck, filling my senses with the scent of him.

This act of his began to calm me down slowly, as my body began to relax he began to kiss along my neck. He kissed specifically his mate mark, giving both of us a sense of euphoria in that single moment. Soon I felt more kiss from the other boys as they each kissed their mate mark. This some how helped me to finally fully relax, the horrid memories fading from my mind.

Now I was being filled with short memories of each mate, moments that made me feel as euphoric as possible. Seconds later Felix began to wash my hair with shampoo. While Seungmin and Jisung washed my body. After that hyunjin had washed himself and took care of my hair for the conditioner. While the others began to wash themselves.

Once all cleaned up, they helped me get out and began to dry me off. Hyunjin helped wrap my hair up in the towel. Once I was dry enough they helped me out of the room and off my my room. They grabbed their own clothes along the way.

Once in my room, I was sat on the extra fluffy grey fur laying on my bed. I was now dry save for my hair which was wrapped up in a towel still. Seungmin sat beside me, rubbing a hand over my back in comforting way while we watched our mates search my closet for clothes.

However besides the underwear, anything else they brought me I was unwilling to wear. "What would you like to wear sweetheart?" Seungmin finally asked after 5 minutes of this. "I want alphas clothes, but I also want to have your scents on them too." I whined. I needed the constant scent of my pack to keep me sane. I didn't want to risk falling into that pit of mental darkness again.

So with that Hyunjin and Felix went to snatch some clothes. When they came back I watched them spilt the clothes amongst the four of them. Hyunjin held Chan's jacket while scenting one half of it so it smelled like both of them. Felix scented Changbins shorts, Jisung had Minho's t-shirt and Seungmin had Jeongin's fluffy socks. Once the items smelled like one alpha and one beta, they helped me dress up. Finally I felt comfortable surrounded by their scents.

With that I was picked up this time by Felix as they brought me into the dining room. I could smell the delicious scent of spicy lamb skewers, with all the most perfect side dishes. I could feel my mouth water at just the mere sight of it all. Around the table stood each of my alpha's. I squirmed in Felix's hold who sat me down confused and a little worried. I quickly pecked his cheek as I went around giving each pack mate a quick kiss.

Without words I wanted them to know that I loved them, that I trusted them. I needed them to know that I didn't care they weren't there at the moment. Because they were there right now and that's all that mattered to me. They wouldn't let me get hurt again so this was okay.

I could feel them slowly relax with my actions, their emotions becoming softer more Lovey-dovey.

I quickly sat down in my normal seat, mall the alphas were quick to sit as close to me as possible. This the Betas were more than okay with after having spent the last half hour together. Immediately to my sides were Chan and Minho, while Changbin and Jeongin were next to them. Chan picked up and passed my plate to Jeongin who sat next to him. Jeongin filled my plate with a few good looking skewers. Minho grabbed my sides plate and had Changbin start putting on a few sides. Once they had filled it up Chan and Minho got to add a few more things as well. Till finally they were satisfied and placed my plates back in front of me.

This I smiled at and began to enjoy my meal, it was easy to notice all the pairs of eyes on me. I sighed in content at the taste of food as they watched me eat, they made sure to keep eating as well. I waited however until I had finished and was full before speaking.

"I guess you all want to know what happened today?" My voice was more timid than I initially intended it to be. "You don't have to say anything if you're not ready to babygirl." Chan spoke first. The others readily agreeing with him.

I took a deep breath before beginning to tell them the whole story. All the way from the beginning so they would understand everything. From the agreement with Seungmin and Changbin about my shopping spree, to the moment they found me in the mall. I stopped there to allow them a moment to take it all in before continuing.

"When I was found I had fully regressed into the instinctual mindset I had back in my old pack. Where it was better to have no emotions than the wrong one at the wrong time. I haven't experienced something like that since leaving that place, but something today just set me back into that headspace. When that happens, if it ever happens again, I never talk unless told to. It will be hard to bring me up from it especially if I regress really far. The days were I would regress way to far, I actually would remember little to nothing about that day." looking around I could angry and sad faces.

In the silence I decided to crawl into Minho's lap, burying my face into his neck as I just breathed in his scent. I felt him hug me tightly as he breathed in mine too. He was first to speak, reassuring me of everything. "We will never let that bastard of a man get to you sweetheart. No matter what it takes you will be ours. We are mated for life, nothing will tear us apart. We love you too much for us to let you feel pain like this again." I heard agreement around the table as Changbin spoke next. "Seungmin and I will see to it that you get the best of the best bodyguards anytime we go out where there is a possibility he may be." Seungmin nodded to me. Then he spoke as well. "If you would like we can also teach you self defense or get you some self defense weapons." I nodded to him saying I would think about the offer.

Soon everyone was calming down, having talked everything out and understanding what had just taken place was good for us. So with my belly full and my mood back to it usual tranquil happiness. I got up dragging the two lead alpha's along. "Movie night with pack cuddles please." I spoke loudly. With that I heard everyone get up and begin cleaning the table off. While the two I had dragged behind me just laughed to themselves.

Chan picked me up seconds later, as he and Minho pecked my cheeks. This earned them a giggle as I returned the kiss to each of them before we finally descended into the pack nest room. I would set up the nest with the freshly scented blankets, furs and even pillows. The other two were to get a movie picked out and then help me finish the nest, before the rest of the pack would join and a soft fluffy movie night full of love and cuddles began.

Masterlist

#x reader #alpha beta omega #bang chan #childhood trauma #han jisung #hwang hyunjin #kim seungmin #lee felix #lee minho #omegaverse #yang jeongin #stray kids #seo changbin

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