#I wish it was easier to be like hey this is not a judgement on you but I am not comfortable in this situation so I'm leaving

[artykyn]

We need to retire the idea that calling complete strangers sir/ma'am/miss is somehow "polite".

Some men have long hair and get called ma'am/miss. They aren't used to responding to those words and so they will ignore you. Vice versa for women with short hair. Either you continue to be ignored, or eventually you'll realize you messed up, and both situations end up awkward.

Some men aren't used to being called "sir" either! And will also ignore you! Vice versa for women! Those are formal terms of address, and it can feel weird to some people to be called that in a casual setting.

Some women have specific feelings regarding "ma'am" vs "miss". If you choose incorrectly, now you've made her feel uncomfortable, or even insulted.

A lot of men have voices that sound higher on the phone, especially if they have certain accents, and are constantly referred to as ma'am or miss. A lot of women have low voices and get called "sir" on the phone. I once got called both "ma'am" and "sir" in the same phone call, by the same person.

They're so generic that if you shout any of them to try getting someone's attention out in public, there's a pretty high chance you will be ignored until you say something more specific anyway ("Excuse me, sir?? SIR???" vs "Hey you with the bandana!")

There is no useful reason to need to address a complete stranger with an honorific. Your odds of choosing incorrectly and making someone uncomfortable are higher than you think. You might not even realize how often you do it; best case scenario when you screw up is that the other person says nothing and moves on since they know they'll never talk to you again. But you did still make them uncomfortable. And making people uncomfortable is not "polite".

[trans-yllz]

going to the zoo w my coworkers tomorrow I'm so excited.... social outing with people who I'm not already close with successfully willingly invited to. I'm going to be sooo friendly and charming

[princessbrunette]

ugh babydaddy!rafe is down soooo bad for reader !! i can totally see him suggesting a little weekend getaway, just the two of them while his family watches their daughter. it’s like their first time really alone together and brings back all these memories and how much they care about each other, kinda questioning why they didn’t just stay together 🤍

✧˖°. ໒꒰ྀི´ ˘ ` ꒱ྀིა ✧˖°.

mhmmm i love that idea. just a week in the bahamas or something, taking you and your baby to restaurants etc. people know him around there because of the influence the cameron family has, and bc they own property out there — so when people introduce themselves to you, he finds it easier to just call you his girl than to explain your whole situation. maybe even calling you his wife or whatever to avoid judgement :( you get to play pretend, and you hate how much you enjoy it.

you only agreed to the trip so that you could spend time as a family, but as the week goes on you find yourself getting closer, touchier with eachother, letting him look after you and your baby and pamper you the way you deserve. a look into your life if you’d had just stayed with him instead of being stubborn and thinking he wouldn’t change from his old ways :(

i think this trip would change things and by the end of the week he’s got you naked on the big king sized bed whilst your babies asleep in another room, big ringed hands scooped beneath your ass as he grinds his cock in and out of you.

“missed this, mm—” you manage to squeak out, your eyes filled with tears, emotions running high as he takes you apart.

“yeah well, won’t have to miss it anymore baby, yeah? always been my girl, s’not fuckin’ changing anytime soon.” he pants, pushing your thighs up to roll his hips deeper into you making you whine.

“shh, hey.” he whispers against your mouth, silencing you with a kiss so you didn’t wake up the little one. “shit, got me thinking about givin’ you another baby.”

you start acting like a proper couple after that, letting him walk you around with his hand on your waist or ass. giving you little kisses between conversations. you don’t know how things are gonna be when you get home and you worry about confusing the baby, feeling sad on your last day of the trip. you lean your head against his chest as the two of you look over the water on his boat.

“whats gonna happen now?” you sigh.

“… huh?”

“dont wanna go home. wish things could just stay like this and not get complicated.”

he turns you around by the waist, taking his sunglasses off to look at you. “its not complicated, alright? we’ll… we’ll figure it out… and shit, if it gets complicated we’ll just… come back here. right?” he shrugs. usually you’d roll your eyes at such a reckless statement, but now it didn’t sound too bad.

✧˖°. ໒꒰ྀི´ ˘ ` ꒱ྀིა ✧˖°.

[fumifooms]

Dungeon lord Chilchuck

What would his wish as a dungeon lord be? What would he be like? Headcanons & speculation post for fun. But I’ll start with analytic lead up because that’s always fun for me, though feel free to skip and skim.

When it comes to what Chilchuck’s dungeon lord desires could/would be like we have mainly 3 hints: His nightmare, his succubus and what the winged lion says to him.

Why: — From what we see nightmares are based on the person’s worst fears and insecurities, both Laios’ and Marcille’s nightmare were closely tied to their dungeon lord wishes (Laios’ dream monster being summoned to crush the ghosts of relationships that represented the pressure to fit in and belong, Marcille seeking control over death and aging through magic to avoid loss), the fuel behind their desire/goal if you will. Fear and deep-seated desires are seemingly closely tied, something also supported by Thistle and Mithrun’s reigns as dungeon lords (Thistle proving his worth through fulfilling his given duty + protecting his loved ones, being listened to instead of having to listen, Mithrun escaping rigid two-faced elven society and living in a wonderland where he has no enemies and he’s loved, free from everyone he knew yet propped up by the person symbolizing his brother being chosen over him, the bastard child).

— I’ve talked about the significance I assign to the succubi often by now, but rundown: What we see of each character is all very telling if you care to listen, it shows not only someone’s "ideal form" but what they want from it. Izutsumi’s is familial, offering a hug and comfort, Marcille’s is romantic with a character she knows and loves, offering a kiss on a hand and a connection regardless of how distant it actually is, and Laios’ is platonic, arguable at first but then Laios’ fear of judgement is placated and he is offered the picture perfect friend group that accepts his interest (if you want my full look at Laios’ succubus go here). They take on the most alluring form, most ideal person of their victim, even uncovering deep subconscious desires, so precisely and effectively to the point it leaves victims physically frozen before the object of their desire. Succubi and the demon are themselves tied in lore and it’s easy to see how similar their core skill are. Succubi don’t give a good idea of what a character would wish for on their own but they certainly give hints on what they crave, regardless of how you want to read it.

— Last bit is self-explanatory. To placate Chilchuck and win his compliance over, the monster that reads your soul like an open book offers to give him something specific. But! It’s also important to remember that the lion isn’t offering to fulfill Chilchuck’s dream world wish here, it’s a second prize, because his goal with what he promised Laios is that they’d stay in this world, away from everyone and everything else. Chilchuck wants to get away but is kept back, and it’s here the lion placates him with "hey it’s okay! You can’t do that but I can still give you this! This is enough right? It’ll make everything easier on you".

What each bit says: — Long version in another post. Tldr: His daughters and family are obviously important to him, and this reinforces that he takes on the role of protector a lot, he’s constantly worried for his party members’ lives and implicitly his family’s. Safety and stability, both economical and otherwise, are his core values and goals, and he berates both others and himself if someone fails on those fronts. Here, there’s the fear of not being enough, of not having been able to protect, and of course of loss.

— Chil’s succubi are obviously sexual, and not only that but agressively and straightforwardly so. It’s not like Marcille’s where there’s personality involved, all they do is give him sultry looks and pretty smiles before jumping on him. His succubi aren’t like Izutsumi’s, always the same exact person and appearance, so it’s not someone but an appealing general idea. The idea of a sexual being he can regard as simply a gorgeous piece of meat and a good time no strings attached. In my interpretation, especially with my reading of Laios’ succubus where even with deep-seated desires negative emotions can be too intense to effectively freeze a victim, I think this doesn’t contradict his character. Relationships have been painful to him in the past, in the succubus scene when his wife gets mentioned his immediate reaction is to yell "Don’t bring her up now!", like with his habit of drinking and as a tallman liking his senses feeling dulled, it’s about not having to feel emotions with how difficult they are to deal with sometimes and just feeling good, or at least not having to think, for a while. If a succubus showcases someone’s ideal connection with an ideal person, then Chilchuck’s is with a pretty person that doesn’t stir any negative memory or drama, someone low stakes and low maintenance that doesn’t require him to manage or talk out feelings because there’s none involved in the first place.

— Once more, wife and family are important! He does long for his family, not only his wife but his daughters, and vice versa. This suggests not only that he wants good relationships with them but that he wants them to be with him, a family life. Far from the cut communication they all more of less have during canon, and perhaps far from their life pre-canon when he worked away from home a significant amount of time. We’ve seen recreations of people by the winged lion before with doppelgangers and monsters (naga), and though he claims he can make satisfying imitations, what we’ve seen is that they base themselves on the best memories of that person, like with Marcille’s dad, or twist behavior to be more pleasant, like Mithrun’s lover (and possibly twist appearances depending on the person’s view of them, but that’s Mithrun analysis). The line does suggest Chilchuck would want his family members as they are in reality and not idealized versions, but the circumstances are chaotic and urgent enough in the scene (and again the lion isn’t fulfilling Chilchuck’s wish but trying to make him content for Laios’) that it could just be the winged lion saying what he needs to to convince him the fastest possible, and like we see with Laios that can crumble to give way to deeper or more complex desires.

On top of that we just have general info on Chil. How does Chilchuck deal with his issues? What does he like to do? He likes alcohol and ignoring his problems. We have to remember there is a split between what someone would consciously wish for and what their soul uncontrollably irrationally craves. As always with Dunmeshi, there’s a narrative of irrational deep-seated desires vs active wants, what you crave vs what you strive for, what you dream of vs what’s actually good for you, the animal vs the human inside you, heart vs mind. Chilchuck craving a harem of hot babes in his fantasies but wanting his family life & wife back again is not mutually exclusive. You may crave becoming a monster and tasting what humans are like a little but still want to save the world & your friends more.

Btw can we adress the irony of him terrified of being the last one alive, of being left by his daughters and wife, of having left and coming back home one day to see everything gone or rampaged, yet not caring about dying of liver failure himself, knowing every time that he enters a dungeon there’s a real risk he may not come out. Die somewhere I can’t see you. I prefer leaving you than being left behind. He’s selfish and shortsighted like that… Chilchuck is selfless in many ways of course, but perhaps also due to his own relationship with his parents, he often undermines the effects he has on others in his relationships, both the good and the bad (he talks himself down about being cowardly and greedy yes, but never hints at his bad health habits, alcoholism and starving himself, may have affected his loved ones, doesn’t question his wife falling into a bad mood the night before she left, and talks about the possibility of dying here and there very casually, though obviously he tries his best to stay alive when it doesn’t concern his health).

Chilchuck king of "Let me just avoid and ignore my problems surely they’ll go away, things might work out and if they don’t well tough luck I’ll survive and I probably deserve it anyways". If I don’t look at it it will dissapear <3 Why care when you can simply not think about it.

You might not understand Mister "my love will stay strong through months of work travel and also 4 years of separation" and Mister "well idk my siblings and me are kinda strangers and my dad is dead but that’s kinda whatever", but typically relationships need some form of maintenance and emotional availability…

The actual headcanons finally

I kinda have 2 routes in mind for dunlord Chil and both of them are centered on "I care too much, i wish things were easy", so first is a lot like his succubi, it’s full on indulging in his guilty pleasures like alcohol and bodies and it’s to keep him in a constant state of thrill and euphoria and distracted, unfeeling about stuff that really matters. "Nothing matters except that I’m enjoying the moment!" vibe. He gets to live a life worthy of Dionysus, with alcohol and women and debauchery and like— never having to think again, never having to feel anything but pleasure again, never have to feel guilty or shitty or angry or sad. He has a harem and gets everything on a silver platter.

Breaking news demon magic-induced rush of euphoria and power still not enough to cure this man of his self-hatred nor his capacity for thought!! But in his case a state of euphoria is what he seeks I think, to kinda mask or replace the Everything Else.

The other is what I think closer to what canon suggests, with what WL implied too with "I’ll make you a new wife and kids like the originals!! 😊", it’s a (spoilers) Wandavision type thing where it’s a slice of life where he’s never at work and always at home and the family eats lunches at the dinner table together and everything and everyone at any moment is just. Happy. No issues. It was all a dream, this is real and everything is fine and your family is perfect and happy. I like to think the timeline would be wonky, his daughters would fluctuate in age, but he’d want to be there for what he missed, would want them to still rely on him and look up to him like when they were young, would like to forget that they’re now independent adults and the distance that grew between Chilchuck and his siblings is happening between them as well. Chil would want doppelgangers of his family imo, at its core just a general wish for a peaceful happy family life with no drama, no need to compromise, a little paradise of unconditional love and no consequences. It’s for sure straightforward, but Chilchuck is a man with straightforward desires…

But see Chilchuck is a greedy man, and he wants it both ways without having to sacrifice anything or expanding any efforts himself. He wants to have his cake and eat it too. I think playing with these two opposite directions and mixing and matching is most fun. Him leading a life where he indulges in all his worst habits while still having everything he wants… Him getting to have BOTH his wife and any woman he can imagine up, his life like two sides of a coin he can flip at any moment where he’s partying then he’s at home enjoying the quiet and his toddler daughters playing with toys on the carpet. Christ when you remember it’s all an illusion that’s terrifying, the doppelgangers and succubi from the winged lion playing chilchuck ping pong.

A safe little haven both security-stability wise and emotionally. Gets to have both the relaxing and the thrilling in any dose he wants, mixed or separatedly. What I’d argue he had pre-canon too: Can live it up in taverns away from home, stays away from home for long periods of time, and can come back to home aka the symbol of relaxation and safety whenever he decides to. Something he can leave and come back to at will, an anchor he can trust in (until it’s taken from him and his wife leaves. Or in his worse nightmare people rush in and kill his daughters). The ideal of a house and family to a working man, perhaps…

I think it’s fun to think on wether or not these desires would be interesting at all to the winged lion… In canon he seeks out "rare/complex desires", common simple things like I imagine riches, sex, substances and pleasure would be are boring to him, he’s eaten those so many times already. So perhaps he wouldn’t last long as a dunlord, the WL would want to eat him fully quick, can’t keep him interested or waiting long for a meager meal, too much effort raising the cattle and too low quality meat. By making it more twisted or layered Chil’s desire would become more desirable to the demon, it’s part of what’s fun with the third option to me. But whatever. Has he ever eaten a guy with this much repression and self-sabotage... Like trying to get the meat out of a walnut, enrichment…

Other dunlord Chil takes I’ve seen that are fun and good:

@feelo-fick and @pluvio-floret have a dunlord Chilchuck AU project dubbed "tragedy AU" where Chilchuck is said to be "on vacation", in a weird delirious state, only half-there half of the time… From which he doesn’t want to wake up </3 Quoting Feelo, this is why the vacation thing is only a half-joke cause he is 1) letting all his responsibilities go 2) indulging in himself and 3) "spending time with his family" <- lie but you get what i mean. Additional comments that have me vigorously nodding: because changing is hard why cant things just be okay right now without the effort !!! Life is hard he’s so so tired he just wants to feel good… he just wants life to feel nice and easy for a sec while he can learn to breathe again and lose the stress and trauma he’s accumulated…….. spoiler alert yes !!! in fact a depressed person can suck themselves into their job and lock out the world who wouldve thought !!!

And then Cabinette I know posted about his dunlord take once but I don’t have the link, in which Chil has a lot of nosebleeds because of mana overload which is fun and interesting to think about imo~

In dunmeshi, where characters get underground pockets of the world as their playground disconnected from everything outside and the rest of the world, it’s important to remember to face reality even if it has conflict and people with different views and stances from you, it’s something Chilchuck and Marcille and everyone needed to learn, and the thing with a dungeon lord AU is that you imagine a timeline where he fails to <3

A timeline where his dungeon lord wish is to desire nothing bc hope and want has only ever hurt him would also go so hard. Very universal thing though I suppose.

… And this is why a Chilchuck-centric Coraline AU is really really interesting and fitting and topical— Ok that’ll go in a separate reblog/post at @Fumiku I need to let this end

[reallypleasanttree]

A What if scene from “Wedding Plans” if Obanai met his cousin, Kiwa. This would have been set right after chapter 23.

There was no mistaking the woman sitting on the bench across from the hostess. Black hair and dark almond shaped eyes like the rest of the Iguros. She held a purse in front of her and stared between her feet. 

The last time they saw each other she cursed him and wished for his death. She shoved him to the ground before Shinjuro stepped between them and the emergency responder carried her away. Sanemi had said she acted as if she didn’t know her cousin. Obanai walked to the front and crossed his arms. 

“Hey, Kiwa,” he greeted her casually. It was easier than he thought it’d be. She looked up. Her eyes widened as she took in his appearance. She opened her mouth and then pursed her lips. 

“Hey, Obanai,” she said, her voice deeper than he remembered. “Could we talk outside? There’s a park a block away.” Despite his better judgement he agreed. 

“I’ll be back in a little bit. You’re in charge,” Obanai said to Aoi. 

“Chef Iguro, I'm always in charge,” Aoi retorted tersely, scoffing at the insinuation. Outside of himself and Chef Sabito, she was the only one who could manage the front and the kitchen. 

Kiwa went through the front door and down a block. Obanai walked beside her, but neither of them spoke. They found a secluded bench. Kiwa sat at one end and Obanai the other. 

“Your friend told me to stay away. I had no intention of seeing you, in fact, I wanted to pretend like you never existed,” Kiwa started. 

“Then why are you here?” Obanai asked. Kiwa set her purse beside her and crossed her legs. She looked up. The early afternoon sun was high in the sky with thin clouds drifting over it. 

“I saw you the other night with your family at the play. You looked…” She paused. Obanai’s back went rigid. “Happy. For years, I hated you for what happened to my aunt and sisters. I wanted to forget about what happened. I thought if we ever meet again, I’d fly into a rage, but instead I was glad.” 

“That doesn’t answer my question,” Obanai said. He didn’t need a detailed answer. Her eyes narrowed and her lip curled back. 

“Give me a minute to explain. I work with kids and part of my job is to assess their home life and ensure they are being taken care of. With what happened to us,” she said, looking at his mask. “I want to help kids get out of situations like ours.” 

His right eye twitched. Like ours? Beneath his skin, his blood simmered. 

“Sometimes I have to make the decision to send the kids into foster care. I wonder what happens to them afterward, you know?” Kiwa explained, swallowing. “I wonder if they’ll ever be happy. Seeing you with your family gave me some hope that things can get better.” 

Of course, it was for her benefit. He exhaled harshly. “So, what? You came to tell me you want me to be the poster child for foster children?” He scoffed and rose from the bench. 

“No. It’s about what happened to our family. I want to apologize for what I said afterward. I was upset and angry. I wanted to blame you for what happened when it wasn’t completely your fault,” Kiwa said. Obanai paused. She coughed and cleared her throat. Tears formed at the corners of her eyes. 

“I left your door unlocked. I lit the candle. After what we did-“ Kiwa pursed her lips and tears trailed down her face. “I followed your mom and my sisters’ directions. I never knew anything different, but cutting your face was too much. I just wanted you to leave. I wanted it all to end.” Her voice cracked.

His mind went blank. She intentionally unlocked his door to allow to escape. His mouth felt dry. What happened, it wasn’t completely his fault. The fire and deaths never would have happened if Kiwa chose differently. But then what would have become of him? 

“If I blamed you, then I would never have to confront  what we did to you or the consequences of my actions. I am so sorry,” Kiwa said and dabbed her eyes with her sleeve. 

Obanai faced his cousin. For sixteen years he had blamed himself for the fire and their family’s death. The entire time Kiwa held some of the responsibility. He could yell at her or curse her name, but it wouldn’t accomplish anything. He didn’t need an apology because he already forgave himself. He inhaled deeply. She needed this though. 

“It’s okay,” Obanai said. Kiwa glanced up with wide eyes. “I appreciate you telling me the truth, but I’ve moved on. You have too.” He gestured to her wedding ring. Her bottom lip trembled. 

“My husband doesn’t know about you,” Kiwa said quickly. “Your friend threatened to tell him if I contacted you. After seeing you, I couldn’t leave without telling the truth. Even if your friend tells him, I won’t regret it. You deserved to know.”

He didn’t know her husband, but if he found out through another person now it could ruin her marriage and career. From the sound of it, Kiwa was helping children and trying to make the world a better place. Obanai sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. Be better. 

“Did you mean it? About helping kids get out of situations like ours?” He asked. She nodded. “Keep helping them and I’ll talk to my friend. We’re not part of each other’s lives, so why wreck yours?” 

“Thank you, I-“ His cousin started. 

“I wasn’t done,” Obanai said brusquely. “You should tell him yourself. Keeping everything locked up will only make the guilt worse. If you love each other, he’ll understand. My fiancé did.” 

“I’ll think about it,” she said, assessing him with her dark eyes. “Was she the one with pink and green hair?” Obanai nodded. 

“So, she knows everything?” Kiwa pointed to his cheeks.

“Yes,” the chef answered. “Look, I have to get back to work. Thank you for telling me the truth.” 

“You’re welcome,” Kiwa said and reached into her purse. “Here’s my number.” She held out the card, but he didn’t take it. 

“No, I want this to be the last time we talk,” Obanai set the boundary. He said goodbye to his family months ago and that included Kiwa. His cousin gave him a polite smile and put the card back in her purse. No words passed between them as Kiwa rose and walked away. 

[mh-and-celiac]

This may be a hot take but anyways.

Whilst we need the general public & to some extent, newly diagnosed people with coeliac disease to understand the seriousness of the condition. I wish people within our community would stop fear mongering so much.

We get it. We need to not be exposed to gluten. But also we still need quality of life. There comes a point where the harm stress does to our body, outweighs small occasional risks of exposure.

Having a ‘may contain’ food item once in while, is not that serious. It is not going to do a massive amount of damage to our bodies in the long term, even if it does have traces. Getting exposed from eating out one time, is not going to cause cancer.

Some people get extremely ill & I’m not dismissing that. Most of us want to avoid it regardless of the severity because it sucks. But what I am saying that if people want to take small risks once in a while, they shouldn’t be made to feel bad or like that is going to kill them. People should be allowed to ask ‘hey, anyone tried this may contain? Did you get sick from it?’.

I don’t know why but it’s always the ‘may contains’ that people are the most wildly judgemental about. Everywhere you eat out is a ‘may contain’. Your home is one huge ‘may contain’ if you live with people who eat gluten.

Do your best. Allow your body to heal after diagnosis &/or exposure. Figure out what risks feel like a reasonable balance for you between not getting sick/not having ongoing exposures & quality of life. Maybe this works better in places where it’s easier to avoid exposures because of better/clearer labelling laws but that’s all I can speak to & where the chaotic judgement is coming from too.

[teaberrii]

Chapter Nine: A Cat's Jealousy

Alhaitham has the looks and the smarts. He will also be the stand-in CEO for his grandfather's company for a year.

But, he's been mysteriously cursed to turn into a cat every night since his eighteenth birthday… until he meets you, an employee at his grandfather's company, who rescues him as a cat and changes him back with one kiss.

Alhaitham/You

Notes:

Cross-posted on AO3

Female reader

Chapter index at the end of chapter one

You’re getting harder to resist.

You can’t stop thinking about that night. You remember how he looked at you, his eyes full of warmth, affection… and love. Nah. It can’t be. There’s no way Alhaitham is attracted to you. Right? Perhaps he’s taking this fake dating scenario too seriously.

You gasp when you feel something cold against your cheek. You immediately turn and see Childe with the cold drink you ordered.

“I finally have your attention,” he says with a slight smile as you take the drink from him. Then, he sits across from you. “Something on your mind?” You don’t get to say anything when Childe leans in closer. “Don’t tell me it’s Mr. Hottie.”

“Don’t call him that,” you deadpan.

“Well, it got a smile out of you, at least. If it’s not him, is it writer’s block?”

“...At least that would be easier to solve.”

Childe gasps. “Damn. This must be serious.” He pulls his chair closer. “Spill it. What’s bothering you?”

Do you really want to tell Childe? You're on the fence. Part of you is screaming for you not to, as sometimes outside opinions can cloud a person's judgement. But does it matter? You can already picture his response.

“He likes you,” he would say. “It’s so obvious! Are you blind?”

But wait.

Is that his response? Or is that what your heart is telling you? Wishing for you?

“...If it's not Mr. CEO, is it about the school reunion?”

“Are you going?” you ask.

“I am.”

You raise a brow. “Is it just me, or you don’t sound that excited?”

“There’s no one I really want to see except Collei and Dehya. Everyone else is just”—he waves a hand dismissively—“I think you know what I’m getting at.” He looks at you. “Don’t tell me he contacted you.”

“No. Even if he did, I wouldn’t reply.”

“Can I give my two cents?” You nod. “You should go. Even if he does show up, you should go.”

You sigh and lean back. “To prove a point?”

“Sometimes it’s not whether you want to go or not. If you don’t, they might start to talk about how you’re probably still not over him.” Childe winks at you. “Why not bring Mr. CEO with you?”

“...I’d rather not get him involved.”

“Jokes aside, look at where you’re now. You have bragging rights.”

You laugh. "Never thought I'd see the day where you're giving such…."

“Aw, s’okay to say it. I know I give awesome advice.”

You slowly clap and nod. “Truly great advice, Childe. I’m overwhelmed.”

He gently kicks you underneath the table. “Are you making fun of me?”

“I’m not!” You stand and scoot in the café chair.

You and Childe are walking back to the office when you say, “I’m surprised you haven’t called me any nicknames.”

“What? Do you miss it now that I don’t do it anymore?”

“Actually, I’m curious what made you finally stop.”

“Well, unfortunately, I can’t disobey an order from the top.”

You remember Alhaitham telling you he could make Childe stop with the nicknames. You didn't think much about it as you didn't think he'd do anything about it.

“...Was it Alhaitham?”

“You should’ve seen how he was looking at me when he said it,” Childe says. Then, he lowers his voice, “Stop with the nicknames at work.” Childe chuckles. “You’d think I was about to get fired for making a huge mistake or something.”

When you don’t say anything, Childe glances at you. Are you thinking about something? Or is it someone?

“Hey," he says, getting your attention. "Alhaitham didn’t do anything to you, right? Not abusing his authority or anything?”

“Of course not.”

Childe grins. “Good.”

As you and Childe walk into the building, you see a tall man who reminds you of Ayaka. He’s walking with two other people you don’t recognize. When you get closer, the man looks in your direction.

“Ayato,” Childe says with a small smile. “Finished with the shoot?”

Ayato? You look from Childe to the man with a kind smile.

“Just finished.” He looks at you. “A friend of yours?”

“Oh! You wanted to meet her, right?” Childe gestures to you. “She’s the scriptwriter for Love in the Spotlight.” He looks at you. “This is Ayato. He’s an actor working with us for our latest project.”

An… actor?!

Ayato extends his hand. “It’s a pleasure. I’ve heard great things about your work.”

“Oh, thank you.” You take his hand. “Um… do you have a younger sister, perhaps? Ayaka?”

Ayato looks visibly surprised. “I do. How do you know her?”

So, you're right.

“She’s friends with my brother. They’re staying at the same hospital.”

“Ah, I see. Ayaka has been telling me about a friend who’s been keeping her company. He lent her a video game?”

“Yeah, that’s him.”

“She told me that they’re planning a lunch together. So”—Ayato takes and lifts your hand and places a delicate kiss—“I hope we get to see more of each other.”

Your eyes widen at the gentleman-like gesture. No one has ever done that before, and you’re at a loss for words. Even Childe’s surprised as he stares wide-eyed at you and Ayato. Suddenly, you hear the sound of shoes on marble, but it’s the voice that makes you turn.

“Excuse me.”

“Mr. Hot—” Childe quickly clears his throat. “Mr. CEO!”

You’ve never seen Alhaitham in a suit, but he looks so damn good you almost couldn’t look away. You know he works out if his body is anything to go by. But the white shirt somehow makes his lean muscle stand out even more.

Alhaitham walks up to you and Ayato, his eyes on Ayato's hand holding yours.

“Is this a new way of greeting someone?” Alhaitham asks.

Ayato smiles at him. “It’s a respectful way to greet a lady.”

Alhaitham looks at him and takes your hand, forcing Ayato to let go. Then, Alhaitham looks you in the eyes.

“...May I?”

Do what?

“Um, yes?”

He lifts your hand and gives it a feather-like kiss as soon as you give permission. You can almost hear your heart pounding in your ears as his gaze meets yours once again.

“...Could you come with me?” he asks.

Are you in trouble? Did you do something?

With a million questions flooding your mind, you follow Alhaitham to his office. Childe and Ayato glance at each other as if trying to understand what just happened.

In the elevator, you see your and Alhaitham's reflection in the doors. He looks calm and composed, as usual. You, on the other hand, seem a little nervous. Even you can tell.

“About what I said that night,” he says, breaking the silence. “...Did I make you uncomfortable?”

“I… wouldn’t say uncomfortable.”

“You left in such a hurry.”

“I was surprised,” you mutter. “You would be too… if someone said something like that to you.”

Alhaitham smiles. “Then, I apologize for startling you. However…” He turns to you. “You’re truly a captivating woman.”

Is that a confession? A realization? What are you supposed to make of it?

The elevator doors open, and he puts a hand to stop them from closing. He gestures for you to go first. You do, and he follows you. When you turn around, you see him loosening his tie, and your eyes widen. Wait a minute. What is this?

His hand is still on his tie when he looks up at the air conditioning. “I apologize that it’s a little hot in here. They’re fixing the AC later today.”

Ah. Yeah. Now that he mentioned it, it is a little hot in the office. Or… is it just you?

“So, what did you want to talk about?” you ask, sitting on the couch.

“...My grandfather would like to meet you.”

Wait. What? His grandfather? The actual CEO?

Alhaitham sighs. “Layla and my secretary told him about you.”

“...What did she say that makes him want to meet me?”

Alhaitham was still thinking about what he said to you when his phone went off that night. As soon as he picked up, his grandfather wasted no time getting to the point.

“Who is this woman you’ve been hanging out with?”

“...Who?” Alhaitham asked, equally confused.

"He told me you bought her clothes… Layla said you complimented her because she wrote Love in the Spotlight."

Oh. They told him about you.

“I’m aware of all the shows we produce. She’s an employee, isn’t she?”

“...And?”

“Haitham, are you…. Are you getting involved with an employee?”

"Outside of work, we're friends," Alhaitham said. And neighbours. But he decided to leave that part out for now.

"How did you meet? At work?"

“I’m not romantically involved with her. There’s no need for this—”

“I’m worried that she’s after you.”

Alhaitham sat on his couch, catching on to what his father’s saying. “She’s not.”

“How are you so sure? Since when did you become so trusting of people, Haitham?”

“She’s not after anything.”

“Well, I’d like to meet her. Don’t take this the wrong way. I just want to see what kind of person she is.”

Alhaitham knew if he refused, his grandfather would be even more suspicious. So, did he have a choice? Hopefully, you’d be okay with it.

"Similar to your situation with your mother, my grandfather also wants me to settle down with someone." Alhaitham sighs and sits on the opposite side. "He's curious about you."

Can you really say no? His grandfather is the actual CEO of the company. So saying no would be… directly disobeying an order from leadership, not something that you really want to do.

“...Well, it wouldn’t be fair if I said no. Besides, I don’t think I have a choice.”

Alhaitham notices your hands subtly fidgeting with each other on your lap. You’re also looking away from him. “Don’t be nervous.” You turn to him and see his little smile. “Just be yourself. He’ll love you.”

There it is again. Is he flirting with you? Should you call him out? Ignore it? What if he isn’t flirting, and it’s all in your head? You cannot imagine the embarrassment. So… maybe you can take a different approach to test the waters.

“...On one condition. I’d like to borrow that book of yours. Heart’s Desire.”

Alhaitham chuckles. “Of course. But, may I ask why?”

“Well, someone was being naughty, so I didn’t get a chance to read it that night,” you say, crossing one leg over the other. “I didn’t think you’d be so… playful, Catman.”

Is that a little smirk? Well, it’s gone as quickly as it came.

“Anything to get a lovely lady’s attention.”

“Anything, you say?”

“It sounds like you have something in mind,” he says.

You laugh. “Anything is better than leaving scratch marks on my back."

“Surely I didn’t scratch you that hard.”

“Would you like me to show you?”

He returns your deadpan stare with one of his own. Then, he stands and puts a hand in his pocket. “...I’ll be more gentle next time.”

You’re sure you’re blushing now, but it’s not just your face that feels warm.

“I’ll bring the book for you,” Alhaitham continues. “...Unless you’d like to drop by my place again.”

You stand. If it wasn't for the table between you, you probably would have walked closer to him.

“Aren’t I stopping by anyways?" you ask. "Unless… you’d like to do it at my place.”

Your heart is beating like crazy; your legs feel like jelly.

Alhaitham’s gaze darkens. “As long as we have privacy.”

You have to remind yourself you’re talking about the experiment. It’s getting really hot now, and you need some air.

You clear your throat, looking away from him. “I, um, I should get back to work.”

"Before you go…." You glance at him, but he casually looks away. "Who was that man with you a while ago?"

“...Oh, you mean Ayato? That was the first time I met him, but his sister is friends with my brother.”

Alhaitham looks back. “Aether?”

You nod.

“...I see.”

You walk over to him. “You look… troubled, Catman. Something wrong?”

“What’s with the smile?”

“Smile?” You look away. “I’m not smiling.”

He's standing in front of you now. Then, he gently tilts your head toward him. You're holding your breath as you stare into his eyes which are completely focused on you.

Then, he leans in and whispers lowly in your ear, “You’re right. You’re blushing.”

You immediately step back, and he leans upward with a small smile. “Don’t think you’ve won.”

"Won?" he asks innocently. "I don't know what you're talking about." Then, he looks at his watch. "...We should get back to work." Then, just before you reach the door, he says, "I'll see you tonight."

“You’d better show up as a cat,” you deadpan.

Is that another smirk?

“...Right. Kisses come first, don’t they?”

You wish you had a witty remark, but you leave with a strange mix of anger, frustration, and… excitement.

◆◆◆

“Are you sure you’re okay walking like this?” Ayaka asks.

She and Aether are taking an evening stroll around the hospital. It was Aether who had asked her first. Yes, he was bored but he also wanted to get to know Ayaka better. She was soft-spoken and didn't share a lot about herself, which only heightened Aether's curiosity. It was better than staying indoors and playing games all day, right?

"Of course!" Aether says, smiling. Well, it is a bit inconvenient to walk, but that's not going to stop him.

As soon as Ayaka spots an empty bench, she says, “Let’s sit down for a bit.”

A short silence passes between them until Aether turns to her, “Um, I’m curious… what are you being hospitalized for?”

“Ah… I never told you, did I?”

“You don’t have to tell me if you’re not comfortable. I… I just want to get to know you a little better.”

Ayaka chuckles. “You’re very cute, Aether.”

“Cute? Me?” He awkwardly rubs the back of his head. “That’s a first. I’ve only been called annoying by my sisters.” His face turns a little pale. “Ah! But I’m not really annoying. I—”

“You seem to get along well with them."

Aether visibly relaxes a little. “Well, they are my sisters… even though we’re not blood-related.”

“Oh, you aren’t?”

“Lumine and I are. But, we were adopted into my older sister’s family.”

Ayaka smiles. “I’m glad you found such a loving family, and it’s amazing that you two were adopted together.”

“Me too! We were lucky.”

“Um… if you don’t mind my asking, do you know who your real parents are?”

Aether shakes his head. “...All we know is that our mother was young when she gave us up.”

“I see.”

“U-Um, do you mind if I ask a question.”

“Of course not. Oh, but I didn’t answer your first question.” She looks straight ahead. “...I'm here because I got a heart transplant last week.”

Aether didn't know what to expect when he initially asked the question. But it definitely wasn't that.

“I’ve always had a weak heart,” Ayaka continues. “I could never participate in any physical activities at school, and”—she smiles sadly—“I think some people found it a bother to be around me.”

“Why would you be a bother?”

“I couldn’t do a lot of the things people my age wanted to do. So… I guess they stopped inviting me to things because I couldn’t go or participate anyway.”

“That’s ridiculous! I… I would’ve hung out with you.”

Ayaka chuckles. “You’re kind, Aether.”

“...Is that why you decided to get a heart transplant?”

“It would be a risk either way. I was told I wouldn’t live past thirty if I didn’t get a heart transplant. If I did, there’s a chance I would.”

Before Aether can stop himself, he takes her hand.

Ayaka smiles at him. "At the end of the day, I just want people to treat me normally."

“...Do you think we should ask Ayaka?”

Ayaka stopped in front of her classroom door upon hearing her classmate’s voice.

“I don’t think she would be able to handle it," someone else said. "Let’s ask someone else.”

“But it’s just helping out at the school festival. We don’t have to ask her to do anything strenuous.”

“Yeah, but if something happens, we might get blamed for it. I certainly don’t want to take that responsibility.”

“...I know people will still treat me differently. But maybe things will change.” The short silence doesn't last long as she turns to Aether. “Oh, I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to talk about something so… gloomy.”

Aether smiles at her. "No, thank you for sharing that with me. But don't you think we need to celebrate?"

“Celebrate?”

“Your surgery was a success! It definitely calls for a celebration!”

“Aren’t you getting discharged soon?”

Aether pouts. “Are you saying we can’t be friends even after we leave?” He stands and smiles. “I’d love to take you to the amusement park once we’re both out.”

“Without your sisters?”

“Well… I mean… if you want them to come, I guess I could invite them.”

Ayaka chuckles and stands. “Should we say we forgot to ask?”

"It'll be our little secret!"

◆◆◆

Lumine is waiting for you outside your office building to visit Aether when she hears "Hey, Lulu" near her ear. There's only one person who has ever called her by that nickname. She turns around and sees the person she's expecting to see: the flirting ginger.

“Childe,” she deadpans.

“Not even a smile?” he asks, putting a hand over his heart. “You hurt me.”

“What are you doing here?”

“I work here, Lulu. Where else do you expect me to be on a weekday?”

Lumine crosses her arms. “So, do you go around calling people by nicknames they don’t want to hear after hours?”

“Well, that depends if I like them enough,” Childe says with a casual shrug.

If Lumine was tall enough, she would pat his shoulder. "Sis is pretty much taken now, which is why you've switched targets, huh?"

"Is it just me, or are you in a particularly sassy mood today?"

"Only with you, Childe," she says, rolling her eyes.

“My, then I guess I do feel special.”

Lumine frowns upon seeing that little smile.

“Lumine!”

Your sister turns and sees you walking towards them.

“I guess that’s my cue to leave,” Childe says.

“Did I interrupt something?” you ask.

Childe waves his hand dismissively. "So, where are you two headed?"

“We’re going to visit Aether,” you say as you, Lumine, and Childe start walking toward the street. “Do you want to come?”

“Love to, but I have some things to take care of tonight.”

“That’s a first,” Lumine says.

“Well, for your information, Lulu, I, too, have adult responsibilities believe it or not.”

You almost chuckle at your sister's frown. Then, you look at Childe. "Well, I'll see you later then."

After parting ways with Childe, you and Lumine arrive at the hospital a short while later. You're about to reach Aether's room when you see your brother approaching his room from the opposite end of the hallway. But he’s not alone.

“Whoa,” Lumine whispers. “Is that tall guy Ayaka’s brother?”

Ayato notices you and gives you a small wave. “It’s nice to see you again.”

“Who are you?” Lumine asks.

“My brother,” Ayaka answers. “He was visiting me earlier, and I introduced him to Aether.” She looks at Ayato. “Do you two already know each other?”

“We work in the same field,” Ayato says.

“You work in the entertainment industry?” Lumine asks.

Ayato smiles at her. “I’m an actor.”

Lumine’s jaw almost drops. “T-that’s so cool!”

“You’re drooling, Lumine.”

She glares at her brother. “I am not!”

You laugh. “Well, I guess we can skip the introductions, huh?”

While Lumine, Aether, and Ayaka are chatting back in Aether’s room, you and Ayato step out to grab a snack from the hospital café downstairs.

"My sister has nothing but good things to say about Aether," Ayato says as you and he wait for your order.

“Aether also seems brighter after meeting her,” you say with a small smile. “I’m glad he’s made a friend.” You take your sandwich from the barista. “By the way… what kind of project are you working on with Childe’s group? Or is it a secret for now?”

Ayato takes his order, and you sit at an empty table.

"It's a commercial for Sumeru Wine, but today was just a photo shoot."

“Impressive,” you say. “I love Sumeru Wine. It’s one of the few alcoholic drinks I can take now.”

“You don’t drink?”

“I used to. But… I stopped.”

Ayato looks at you curiously. “I guess we're in the same boat.”

“Oh?”

“I stopped drinking… for Ayaka.”

This takes you by surprise. "For Ayaka?"

"She used to have a weak heart," Ayato explains. "There was a time when she wanted to drink to fit in with everyone else." He smiles sadly. "When I told her she couldn't, she looked me dead in the eyes and said that I was doing it, too."

"So, you wanted to set a good example."

Ayato nods. "Exactly."

"Hey, Sis! What's taking so long?" You and Ayato turn to Lumine. "We were wondering what happened to the two of you!"

“Oh, sorry,” you say, standing.

“What were you two talking about?”

“That’s a secret.” You and Lumine turn to Ayato, who still has that kind smile.

“It was just about work and a little about Ayaka,” you say.

"Ooh, I see…."

You glance at your watch, and you almost drop your drink. Is it this late already?

“Something wrong, Sis?”

“I didn’t know it was so late already,” you say, remembering Alhaitham.

Lumine also looks at the time on her phone. But then, Ayato says, "It sounds like you're in a rush. Would you like me to drive the two of you back?"

“I appreciate it, but Lumine and I can take the train back,” you say. “We still have time.”

After telling you where he lives, Ayato says, “If you and your sister live around there, it would be in the same area anyways.”

“That’s… not far from where we live, actually," Lumine says.

Ayato smiles. “Then, I wouldn’t mind driving two friends back home.”

◆◆◆

As a cat, Alhaitham is sitting on the counter, staring at his phone. Before he turned, he'd messaged you twice as you were never late to your "meetings." When you didn't reply, he was getting worried. But now that you've responded, he feels… something strange. It's like a bitter taste in his mouth that he can't get rid of.

Batwoman: On my way back. Sorry. I was visiting my brother and Ayato's driving Lumine and me home.

Ayato? What was Ayato doing with you?

Kaveh comes out of the kitchen and sees Alhaitham staring at his phone. “What’s wrong, Kittyman?”

That’s when they hear a knock on Alhaitham’s door.

As soon as Kaveh answers it, he grins. “Oh, so we meet again!”

“Kaveh,” you say, clearly surprised. “What… what are you doing here?”

Kaveh opens Alhaitham’s door a little wider. You see Alhaitham sitting on the counter.

"Ah, I guess I never explained, did I?" Kaveh chuckles. He lets you inside. "Haitham and I used to be roommates. But our relationship started turning sour, so I moved out before it got worse." Then, he closes the door. "I still drop by occasionally, though, just to see how he's holdin' up. It can get pretty lonely, after all." Alhaitham meows and Kaveh turns to him. "I know you're protesting, but it's true." 

The conversation between you and Kaveh falls on deaf ears as Alhaitham is still coming to terms with this… bitter feeling. It's the same he felt when he saw Ayato kiss your hand. It irked him like an insufferable itch.

“Okay, well, I’m here because I want to see the magic happen!” Kaveh says.

“There’s really no magic,” you say. “I mean… he just poofs back.”

Then you notice Alhaitham isn't sitting on the counter anymore. Instead, he's sitting on the couch with his butt facing you and Kaveh.

Is he… sulking?

You walk over and sit beside Alhaitham. He gives you one look and then turns away.

"Is it just me, or… does he not want to talk to me?" you ask, a little baffled.

Kaveh smirks. “Well… you did say a dude drove you back, didn’t you?” He scratches Alhaitham’s head. “Is Kittyman jealous?”

Alhaitham wanted to swipe his friend's hand away but thought better. Instead, he quickly jumps off the couch and walks into his room. You and Kaveh look at each other.

“Is it too much to ask if I ask you to help deal with him?” Kaveh looks at his watch. “I’m going to grab something to eat. Didn’t think his fridge would be pretty much empty.”

Once Kaveh is out the door, you walk to Alhaitham's room, where he's curled up on his bed. He feels his bed shift, so he looks up and sees you sitting on the edge.

“...Is it okay if I lie down?”

Alhaitham sits up and meows. You take that as permission and lie on your stomach next to him. He puts a paw on your cheek, and you think it would be cute… if his expression still doesn't look unhappy with you.

You sit up and sigh. “I’m sorry.”

He's not mad at you for being late, but he just needs to come to terms with these… annoying feelings about Ayato. You put your hand on top of his paw. He looks up at you.

“Still mad?”

Alhaitham jumps in your direction, forcing you to lie on your back while he’s on top of you. His front paws are just above your chest.

“Alright. What are you scheming, Catman?”

You think he'll jump away or maybe get the hint when you move to sit up. But he doesn't, and you end up accidentally kissing his head.

His hands are on either side of your head, his eyes wide as he stares at you. This is definitely déjavu. You on your back and Alhaitham on top of you. Except, the circumstances have changed. The silence drags on until…

“...You aren’t going to grab another slipper, are you?”

“...That depends.”

“On?”

“Are you going to try anything funny?”

He leans closer and whispers in your ear. “Is being gentle trying something funny?”

You don't get a chance to ask when he kisses your forehead. But then, he smiles at you, and you feel your face instantly heat up.

Suddenly, the door opens, and you freeze when you hear, “Wha—What in the world are you doing?!"

Chapter Ten

Tag list: @lxry-chxn @seirenspinel @lordbugs @suoshiii @sakiimeo @ashtree-and-the-cats @ceylestia @deathkat657 @forsh4dow @kalpie @elernity @sentieence @chichibleeps @sunsethw4 @hjjks @tanspostsblog @nqctre @just-simping-over-genshin @uchihaeirin @vynbin @ayanokomu @dksfl920 @alatus2716 @itztaki @thetwinkims

[soars22]

Jumping was easy, in the end.

Pac was used to being alone, to losing everyone he loved. Standing on his own was difficult, but he had managed it. He can’t regret the hours he spent searching for his chaos bow, not when holding it serves as a necessary reminder that he can do things on his own. He’s his own person.

Just him; just Pac. He’s strong enough to stand on his own.

But losing Richas feels like a bridge too far for him to cross after everything. He’s already lost Fit and Ramón. He’ll always have Mike, but his best friend is moving on, growing up. It’s a loss of a different kind and hurts all the more for having no definitive end. He only just got Richas back and now-

And now.

His Richas-his nene-is leaving again. It’s on his own terms, but it’s still leaving, and Pac-

He’s so tired of people leaving him.

So he jumps. He’s not proud of it, exactly, but he does it anyway. And it’s not like it’s his decision alone, which almost makes it easier. Pac may be on his own, but he won’t die that way. He’s never wanted to be the last man standing.

Jumping is easy, in the end. So is falling, as long as Pac doesn’t think too hard about what comes after. It’s over quickly, at least; there’s a short, blinding streak of pain as his body hits the ground and then there’s nothing at all. He floats in a dark nothingness that’s more reminiscent of the space between dreaming and being awake than death. It turns out there’s not so much difference between the two of them.

“You dumbass.”

The voice is deep, rough, familiar. Pac turns-and that movement is dreamlike too, soft and static at the edges-and sees a face he never thought to meet again.

“Fitch,” he breathes, and the other man smiles. There’s a sadness that lingers in the corners of his eyes. “Hey, Pac. Fancy meeting you here.”

There’s no judgement in his voice, but Pac finds it anyway. “I don’t regret it,” he says, drawing himself up to meet Fit’s gaze. “I don’t, not when you’re here too.” “I know,” Fit says softly. “I just wish it didn’t have to be this way.”

“Sim… but I’m here now.” Fit nods. “You’re here now,” he echoes. “So let’s go meet the other dumbasses, yeah?” Pac nods jerkily. “Ok.” Fit reaches out to take Pac’s hand and leads them to their family.

They’re all there:

Jaiden sits in a field of flowers, making a crown for Bobby’s hair; Trumpet, Dan, and Max are chasing each other, throwing bombs that never hit; Juanaflippa is curled up next to Tilín, soft smiles on their faces.

Dapper and Pomme are playing a game of keep-away with Chayanne as Baghera laughs from the sidelines; beside her, Lullah comforts an unfamiliar girl with flowers in her hair.

And there, finally, is-

“RICHINHAS-“ Pac cries, throwing himself at his son. The boy looks up, startled, from where he’s painting next to Ramón. When he sees Pac his eyes go wide and he flings his paintbrush to the side with a wild cry. “PAI!!” The two collide in a crushing hug; for a moment, nothing else matters in the world.

“It took you long enough,” Mike’s teasing voice cuts through Pac’s whirling thoughts. “Did you get lost?” Pac glares up at his friend who only grins in return. “Shut up. I got here in the end, didn’t I?”

“Yes,” grumbles a small voice. “But more importantly-I’m going to kill Richas.” Pac looks over to see Ramón glaring at Richas. There’s a bright streak of orange paint across his face. Richas sticks his tongue out. “You can’t kill me-I’m already dead!” “I’ll figure something out,” Ramón threatens. “Dapper will help me!” His eyes slide over to Pac’s and he smiles. “Hi, pai. It’s good to see you again.” Pac’s smile wobbles a bit and he opens his arms. “It’s good to see you too, filho.”

Ramón grins and jumps into Pac’s arms. He laughs, a bright, joyful sound. His family is here again, with all the time in the world.

Finally-finally-Pac doesn’t have to be alone.

[moonlitrogue]

Hello, thank you so much for this opportunity, I am Pau (Cancer Sun Libra Rising) and I would like to participate your the free readings, please. My question is how can I improve and evolve in those aspects of my life where I am failing ? A song that's on my mind ATM is: " Me haces bien" by Jorge Drexler. Thank yo so much again, 🤗

Hey Pau! That's a wonderful question to ask the spirits. I like the song! Let's see what I can channel ~~~🦋

🦹🏻‍���️ How to improve and evolve in the areas of your failings 🦹🏻‍♀️

Ace of Wands Rx + X The World, 3 of Pentacles + 10 of Pentacles, Queen of Swords + 8 of Wands

There is a sense of stagnation. Actually, lingering. The ghost of better days. Of things half-finished. Things too heavy to start, but too important to ignore. There is a quiet satisfaction in finishing things, seeing the end of the story, isn't there? It doesnt have to be perfect, but the act will release you from the stasis. Sometimes the mundane (from the latin "mundus" = 'world') can make you whole when approached with intention. Evolution (the world, the circle, the wheel) comes from integrating past lessons and embracing new cycles. What's in your tenth house? Where is Capricorn, Mars in your chart? Can their energies be harnessed to set the wheel rolling? Can you join a group that could help motivate you in your endeavors? A group of like-minded and healthy, supportive people who could make this journey easier - a study group, a workout class, delegating work, or seeking mentorship from appropriate guides... A family member perhaps? This could solidify your efforts in the long run. You seem to have a keen sense of judgement, fairness and clarity. You make sharp and almost ruthless assessments about people and situations, that turn out to be right. And you dont need anybody's validation or permission to tell you what's right. All you need is bridge between the land of thought to the land of action. When it's time to act, move. Don't second-guess yourself. I'm reminded of this quote by C.S. Lewis where he compares humans to eggs. You cant go on being ordinary and simple. You gotta hatch, or go bad. I remember being pretty shook when I read it for the first time! So, yeah. That's about it. Now I'll see if i can pull an oracle card for you.

🧚‍♀️ From the Goddess Guidance Oracle Deck :

Athena - You know what to do. Trust your inner wisdom, and take appropriate action without delay

:'] that's the energy I got from the QoS and 8oW! Wishing you the best dear one ~~~💗

[riordanness]

hey dear! Can I have ‘When Emma falls in love?’ For Pjo

Hello! Hello! 

Here is my information!

Name: Anna Lee

Pronouns: She/her

Preference: Male

Age range: Any

Personality: I am an INTJ Slytherclaw, Aquarius and a Type 6 when it comes to anagrams. Lawfully Neutral. I am a huge overthinker and stress a lot with anxiety. People tell me that I can be blunt which results in people thinking that I can be cold but in reality I try to be a kind person when it is needed. I am a realist and many consider me to be intelligent, often asking me to help with their work. I’m incredibly passionate about things I like to do and have a thirst to know everyone’s opinions as I feel that if someone is left out. I’m a creative person but sometimes my brain just goes blank, I hate when it does. I have a really dry sense of humour that usually is a mix of sarcasm, fandom jokes or self degrading jokes. I'm an extremely stubborn person and have to be right about everything. From a young age, my parents were extremely strict and had expected the best out of me which resulted in me being an overachiever. I have to get things perfect or be the best at what I’m doing. I'm really sensitive, even some small harsh words are enough to make me teary. I’ve been called a crybaby because of that and to be honest, that is true. I give too much to other people since I’m afraid of saying no since what if they hate me? And I'm too scared to ask for help or to have something cause I think they will think I'm selfish and worthless. Not the best self esteem 😔 I love to listen to other people since I think not a lot of people have others that they can tell what they wish to say without getting judged or outcasted. But the problem is that I judge too easily too. As much as I want to show a good image to others and help them, I tend to focus on my own needs and how everything can affect me for the better or worse. I hate repeating things, especially in front of a big crowd. I daydream too much, my head always in the cloud. When I get excited, I speak really quickly and stumble over my words which I get embarrassed by and stop talking. I have a rosy view of how the world works—or more specifically, of the people I love. Like sometimes I point out the negative things in life but when with other people, especially those I love, I always see the goodness and beauty in everything. I am very sensitive, especially when it comes to my appearance and personality. I’m always afraid that people are constantly judging me or hate me, which is why I tend to avoid public spaces or being around people in general. When I get familiar with someone or a crowd, I’m not that afraid to state my opinion. I get jealous and possessive easily, like I mentioned my parents are strict meaning I got very few things of my own and those things only came to me because I tried so hard to get it. So when I see someone else with it, it just irks me off. I always make plans but I know I’m not going to complete them, I just like to imagine the future if I actually had motivation and energy to accomplish things. I can never start new things while completing old ones. I am also the oldest child and have 4 younger ones, another reason why I stress too much. I don’t think I mentioned this, but I get angry really easily. The slightest mistakes just pisses me off. I suck at short talks and starting conversations, it’s much easier to have lengthier conversations. I can never do presentations, I always get too nervous. Plus, my friends say my voice is really soft so no one ever hears me much, especially since I’m uncomfortable. When I get angry, my judgement is clouded. I am terrible at holding grudges. I would be upset at someone but the second I see them again, I feel normal and happy in a way. Probably said this before, but I’m a huge day dreamer and stubborn. I can’t concentrate on my work because I always get distracted and daydream about things I will never have. I normally appear composed but have a fiery temper. I really want to be a lawyer. My parents never let me use the internet much as a kid so I pretty much live under a rock but I am incredibly book smart. 

Looks: Half-Korean and Half- White. I’m slightly chubby and curvy with a pear-shaped body (Double D cups). Upon seeing me, many people point out my eyes which are hazel with slight flecks of many colours such as green and amber being the prominent ones. Almond eyes that are doe-like and slightly turn up at the end but barely noticeable. I have a button nose and thin heart shaped lips. My face is round and my eye shape is almond. I am approximately 5’3. Two small moles are fixated on my right cheek and underneath my lip. Long dark brown hair that almost appears black but that solely depends on the lighting. My hair reaches my hips and is kinda wispy at the end. It’s usually on a ponytail with a few strands framing my face. My clothing style tends to be anything comfortable and classy. I prefer to wear black and colours that are darker, you will never find me wearing orange or neon colours. 

Likes: Chocolate, Anime, Music, Food, Being right about something, Reading, Drawing, Strawberries, Smell of Rain, Sleeping, Being the Best, Baking and cooking (even tho I’m not that good at it)  Daydreaming, Murder Mysteries, Romance, Long walks, Making Ocs,  Fiction, Name hunting, Suits, Me, Pinterest, Spicy food, Sweets, Lavender and Indicolite, Aesthetics, and Flower Languages.

Dislike: Loud noises, Jerks, Prejudice People, Slow Walkers, People who chew loudly, Getting look down on, Insects, Studying, Fake People, Self-pity, Getting below 90% in a test, Snow, Overlysweet things, Going outside, and the feeling where your brain is blank and can’t tell what you feel like, Doing nothing all day and Tomatoes

Love Language: Physical Touch and Quality Time

Ideal Type: Pretty Eyes. Will always be there for me and not afraid to speak their mind. Honest and loyal. Someone I can call her best friend, I can be weird around them and they won’t mind at all,Yet they would still help me see the light at the end of the tunnel and tell me it’s okay, that everything is gonna be okay. I wouldn’t like ‘innocent’ people nor ‘kind’ people cause I feel like I won’t be able to connect with them based on my morality level. Will be attentive to my needs. Not necessarily loud but not quite, somewhere in between. I want someone who I can feel okay around, as if everything was fine. Someone who would help carry a burden with me, we are together in everything. A type of person who would wait for me when I’m tying my shoelaces. 

Congratulations on the 400!

hii anna lee! tysm for this,, i instantly got my answer who’s i was reading and it’s clear as day to me that your ship is…

you + jason grace !!

you guys totally understand each other, both of you are a little bit too strict with yourselves and are overachieving, but when you’re together you can both take down those walls and just be yourselves. you both have the same kind of dry humour, but can easily switch between jokes and deep discussions. he’s your best friend, but he’s also your confidante. you just get each other. you both have the same love languages and you’re an a soy sucker for his pretty sky blue eyes.

here’s y’all’s playlist,, hope you like it <3

reading and daydreaming with jason grace

[priwenshallprevail]

GETTING TO KNOW YOU.

respond to the following prompts out of character. then, tag others that you'd like to get to know a little bit better!

( Picture optional )

ROLEPLAYER NAME: Mjodvitnir , or Wraith to some.

ROLEPLAYER PRONOUNS: He/Him/They/Monster

MUSE NAME: Geoffrey Aodhán McCullum

PREFERRED COMMUNICATION: Tumblr messages, or even Discord if you'd prefer. If you want my discord, just ask. Whatever is easier for my partners.

EXPERIENCE: At the very least 20 years of experience in role playing. Back in the chatrooms of american online, or myspace. Am I showing my age yet ? I know, it's such cringe. I want to say my first three characters I ever role played was Rufus Shinra from Final Fantasy VII and two oc characters, one VtM relative , the other Werewolf. I'm wanting to say my character had been Tremere clan. Can't remember my generation I had him under, though. My werewolf was from the tribe Silver Fangs. An Ahroun if I can remember correctly.

PREFERRED ROLEPLAY TYPE: Well... absolutely everything! Dark, torturous gritty, gore-infested, action, combat, drama, comedy, angst, fast paced, slow paced, smut, fluff, one shots. I enjoy them all ! Hit me with all the above !

PET PEEVES & DEALBREAKERS: I don't have many, but the few I do hold -- are more toward general respect for your partners. Don't be a dick.

God moding/meta-ing the RP. Don't use any info your character wouldn't have the slightest clue on. Unless it was discussed on how they may have acquired it prior , or planned through other threads. What remains in a thought collective, stays in the mind. Unless your muse holds telepathy in some aspect. Then it's a different story.

Judgement of writing style. My writing is far from perfect, and I often have one hell of a time judging myself. I don't need others on top of that, adding to my horrendous insecurities. I like detailing things, from the environment, to facial expressions, or even course of actions. I sometimes hyper focus on one thing and become brief with another. I don't understand it myself, nor always catch myself doing it. I hold horrible habit of having issue with repeating a certain word when writing my own posts, and I do sometimes get carried away over different synonyms to these said words. To the point that not every definition becomes so literal. How, or when I developed this habit, I do not know. It's a tick that only happens on my own writing, never on any of my partners. I judge myself too harshly in everything, not just writing. However, if I flood you with a lot of paragraphs -- that usually just means you struck my muse in a massive way and I wish to shower you with love. That I want to engage with you at what my brain considers my best. No body ever has to match whatever length I spew out. Please remember that. Also note, that even if my muse is struck so highly for your muse. My brain can still muck it up. It's a fickle beast. But that is adhd in a nutshell.

Judgement over ships/shipping. ... This one, the more I think on it, is a big one. I have been judged on ships in the past. On several accounts, actually.. some more recent. That it has gotten me reluctant to approach anyone to ask " hey lets try to smoosh these two together ! ?" Judging someone's ship is a disgusting form of shaming someone because they didn't conform to your ideals of said characters. Judgement with narcissistic attempts to push stuff a certain way -- yeah, no. Don't do it. Also, don't try to force ships . I support McReid, but if a Reid does not ? You back the fuck off the suggestion. It's really that simple. Respect. Your. Partners. Not everything revolves around romance anyways. Plenty of other relationships they can aim for. Friendships are a beautiful thing too. I mean -- platonic is also a thing as well, you know. It can bloom just as heavenly.

Constructive feedback though is more than welcome.

PLOTS OR MEMES: Yes ! I enjoy everything you're willing to throw at me, and will happily plan entire story lines to multiple connectives we can later link if that's what you'd like.

LONG REPLIES OR SHORT REPLIES: The in-betweeners. I love doing long replies when muse hits like a freight train, but if my muse isn't as strong -- or if my brain struggles to focus. Which it does, trust me. It'll be between that short and long range, or sometimes drop short all together. I don't ever expect you to match length if you don't wish to. That is not a requirement with me. As long as you can provide me with a paragraph to work with , I'm more than game.

BEST TIME TO WRITE: This is .. .. a tricky one for me. Cause my adhd makes it hard for me to write when everyone else is up in this household. So it would be somewhere between late night and early morn, for me. Eastern time.

ARE YOU LIKE YOUR MUSES: I'm honestly not sure if it's the we have similarities, or if my constant processing of what can be done to improve role play, suddenly bleeds into my own characteristics on a daily basis. Taking a bit of my characters with me every time. I'm a little withdrawn, keep a lot of my emotions on the inside, sometimes quick to become surly with forced authority types, described grumpy often , can be witty with the usual sarcastic bites -- if that accounts to anything.

Tagged by : I stolez it, but I don't remember from who. o.o;

Tagging : @fangsforhire , @coivi , @arcanescholxr , @anedendarkly , @undeadunalive , @astridnorddottir , @luposcainus

[nahalism]

Hi<3 i struggle a lot with pessimistic, fatalistic thinking (and feeling). I slip very easily in the catastrophic states, a lot of bad things happened in my life for sure both during childhood and adult life but i feel like my brain just keeps expecting that now, that at almost any time something can go wrong, something could blow me and my life apart again. I am always on guard, expecting the worst even if i hope for something good because i cut myself on expecting goodness too many times. Did you ever or maybe still do struggle with being negative in your approach, thoughts, feelings? Maybe know some ways that could lead to deal with it somehow or ideally conquer this. It’s really exhausting to be trapped in this but no matter what i do i am somehow brought back to it. I wish i could feel calm and not on the verge.

sending love 🤍

hey so, this will b another long one. sorry,,,,. i do and have dealt with this. i feel like whenever i move from a fearful place or a 'i lack ... in my life' kind of mentality, i begin looking for solutions, or things and situations in the world, to gauge/affirm my sense of security and identity. if i dont catch that that's what's happening, that quickly escalates into thinking in negative, catastrophic ways, because subconsciously i want to protect myself from perceived danger. howeverr, one of the many issues with that way of thinking is that the danger i put up defences against is perceived, not actual, and since my perception is rooted in fear, my 'instinct' is to react from fear which = impulsivity and either extreme actions taken out of poor judgement. even worse is that operating from an unconscious space where every thought, emotion, and action is a reaction not a response, makes it harder to trace the root of the problem or rectify the negative series of events that has been playing out, so rather than seeing what might be very clear opportunities to resolve the situation, ill revert to habit, and seek out the danger and toxicity that replicates what my subconscious perceives to be a sense of safety or familiarity.

the reason i say all of that because the only solution ive found to anything is a repetition of basically how i respond to all of these asks, and rather than me regurgitate that, i feel like an insight into my pattern might give you more clarity on your own pattern, or make the 'advice' i give specific & directly applicable.

1) you have to get still [usually this kind of thinking is reinforced by cyclical patterns in 1) thought, 2) emotion, then 3) the actualisation of both thought and emotion in an event that validates the initial urge to 'be worried/fatalistic'. if you can create breaks in the experience of those emotions or thoughts by attuning to your present state of being, you can begin to create breaks in that cycle, and allow for clarity, groundedness, or literally any other thought possibility to enter your mind]

2) get to know and accept yourself [dont just get to know your character, or likes and dislikes, but actually observe nature and ground yourself in a knowing of your true role in the wider ecosystem of earth. you need to know who you are so you be anchored, trust in what you know through feeling & not what you know through whats shown to you.l. no matter what comes to pass, you have it within you to overcome it, but if your not tapped in to your own compass, all these thoughts will have power and thus ownership over you.]

3) once you find what you are, move from that space [dont try to share it or bring anyone along for the journey. dont try to make others aware of that space within them. dont try to get anyone to see what you see and affirm it. just stay on your journey, walk it alone whilst you have to, pick yourself back up when you have to, and trust what that process shows you, and who and what it eventually brings to you.]

all of those things are so much easier said than done, but that's why its a practice. each time you fall of and bring yourself back into alignment, a puzzle piece slots into place and those puzzle pieces are pieces of wisdom that eventually accrue and become what allows you to see, understand, move differently and then change your life.

one last thing ill say is, read over your message again. the things ur saying affirm the continuation of a pessimistic cycle & im not saying that to be mean or as a call out, because im sure you explained your feelings the way u did to give me a clear insight into what you feel, however the way you said what you said was very much an indication of the truth you believe about yourself. so keep an eye on your words, because our words betray us. & you may not believe yourself when begin that process of paying attention to what you say, & altering it to be more affirming, but eventually the truth will stick to your ribs and one day you'll have no choice but to believe it cause you will see it for yourself.

final thing. the things that have happened to you always stay with you in some capacity, but just know that they are not hinderances. your experiences will bless you the moment you realise you are the one. & u are the one. sending u my love <3

[hotchs-big-hands]

https://www.tumblr.com/hotchs-big-hands/729799552855605248

I honestly adore you for being a blog that is so focussed on plus size people. I have so many deep issues with my body from growing up in a dance and theatre background and just passing shitty comments from my family. I’m working on loving my body for what it is and how it looks, how it’s doing it’s best to keep me alive. Just seeing gifs like these and reading your fics knowing that they are tailored to my body type makes that slightly easier each day. 💖🩷Just thank you. 🫐

Hey sweetie 💖💖💖💖💖 I feel you so much, I used to dance when j was little but I noticed I was very big compared to the others around me (and also injury) and so I quit cuz I was so self conscious.

I feel you on family making a judgement on your body, it's so fucking disgusting that everyone thinks they have a free pass to speak about your looks just because you're plus-size. I really do wish you so well on your journey to self love 💖💖💖💖💖

As for the fiction and GIFs etc, I hated the lack of content for plus-size ppl in the AH fandom so I thought to try change it even a lil bit. We deserve to feel sexy and enjoy fiction in the way that we can relate to!! Sadly, there's not much plus-size GIFs and pics that I can find but I will continue to search for them!! Fics are coming soon 💖💖💖💖💖💖 much love to you sweetie 🥰🥰🥰🥰

[hoonvrs]

Hey saint watchu doin 😊

Honestly had a really bad day today and Ur the only person I can talk to rn. Idk what's up with ppl forcing me to do things I don't like and telling me to stop doing things I love doing. As if whatever I wanna do is always wrong. My school has restricted me to do any crochet in the campus EVEN THOUGH I don't interrupt nor am I distracted during the classes. My mum has told me to solely focus on studies and do crochet in the holidays. BUT now they want me to do extracurriculars. Maybe I'm in the wrong but I have no interest in the acts of singing, dancing, art and other cultural activities. But I have to do them because I do nothing at home. Like I don't take extra classes for playing instruments, or go to other places for tutoring, nor do I learn anything involving self defense, dancing, singing, reciting. I don't even like sports. I just don't like these activities. But I have to do them and I'm being forced because they're 'good for me' and 'good for my future'. Which I get it's completely fine. But is crochet not? Infact I wanted to do a specific activity and my friend wanted to do photography. But since I chose that activity, she has to too because she won't do photography alone. And then she said it's my fault but when I said that I could switch for the sake of her not blaming it on me for the rest of the semester, she said no. I can't deny anything anymore. When they ask me if I want to do something and I say no, they ask why and I just say that I don't want to. But apparently that isn't a valid reason to say no. I would say all of this to my mum but she's friends with my friends mums and would try taking to them about it but I don't want the others knowing. Ill be honest saint you were the first person I could think of because no one else would just listen to me and not go tell someone else or start asking questions. I don't have anyone to talk to anymore. I just wish things were like before when in was like five and I wasn't allowed to meet my friends outside of school. When our parents weren't friends to the point they would steal away the only day my mum had a holiday I could spend time with her on. I wish I had someone to talk to. Now all I can do is look in the mirror, cry, and talk to myself. Saint you don't understand how much talking to u like this is helping me. We don't even know eachother personally but at least I can talk to you freely without any judgement. I just wanna live my life. I've never had a moment in life where I felt free since I was 5. I miss freedom.

-🌜(rant again 😭)

i can’t understand personally but i can definitely feel for you cause i have a friend in the exact same situation and honestly fuck them for not letting you do what you want in your own life, esp ur school cause in what world do they completely nan you from crocheting in school likes it’s really none of their business. honestly the advice i can give ( if you even want any ) is to not do it. nothing teaches a parent a lesson unless their kids rebel cause it honestly so much easier to ask for forgiveness then for permission, and they’ll see in the future all of that was so useless.

with your friend pls try and stand up for yourself, coming from someone who’s literally ignored her own cousins cause they were being bitchy it’ll be better to avoid and ignore her then to have to put up with her attitude. tell her no one told her to ditch photography and that she should learn some independence or she won’t get too far in life, and she might get offended but that’s her problem not yours.

i’m happy that you feel safe enough with me to share this but i’m so upset that you have to go through this, praying it’ll be js an emotional memory when you’re a little bit older with more independence cause parents will learn to give their kids freedom once they’ve hit an age where they can’t control them ( usually uni )

don’t let anyone try to talk you out of what you love or talk you down into staying in a toxic friendship just because you’re ‘parents are close’ or ‘you’ve known each other for so long’ they’re js manipulating you into wasting your energy and effort on stupid friendships and ik it’s easier said then done but you’ll feel so much better without that burden

[thedandelionresistance]

Saw this post

(Screenshot of text reading: I'm sick to death of hearing "see! Accessibility benefits everyone, not just disabled people/mobility aid users/chronically ill people/etc!!" That shouldn't matter. Even if the only people in the world that would benefit from an accommodation are disabled people, we still deserve it. I'm sick of non-disabled people constantly being centred and catered to with accessibility content. Every time someone makes an add-on to a post about an accessibility device or whatever, it just feels like they're saying that our needs aren't enough to warrant accommodations, it has to benefit non-disabled people too. We deserve accommodations no matter if non-disabled people can benefit from it.)

And tbh valid, but also it made me think of:

I wish we had a word/phrase like curb-cut effect but specifically for talking about things designed for specific disabilities helping with other disabilities too.

Like, I need captions to watch tv or movies. I straight up cannot follow them without captions, because I have auditory processing disorder, and this has only gotten worse as sound mixing in movies has deteriorated.

Captions were designed, to my knowledge, for people who are Deaf or hard of hearing, but they allow me to access something that otherwise my disability would completely bar me from.

And there's so many examples of this! Some accommodations designed for other disabilities only help make things a little easier. Some help make it easy enough to make something worth doing that otherwise wouldn't be. Some help with a (usually secondary aspect of a disability that no one has bothered to try to accommodate).

Idk, I think "woah same hat different looks" so to speak is such a cool phenomenon. Like "hey this actually helps even more people in my community, awesome!"

(And yes it can suck when there's not enough to go around it the first place, but it's important to remember that's ableism at work. It's also important not just to use your best judgment about how badly you need an aide not designed for you vs how badly the people it's designed for need it, but also to trust that other disabled people are using their best judgement unless you have concrete evidence they aren't. We gotta believe each other, because practically no one else does)

But yeah! I think when a disability aide helps in more ways than it was intended that's really neat, actually!

[doctors-journal]

13 September

Justin isn’t doing well. The flat was even more of a mess than usual—there was a sour smell under all of the tobacco—and he looked terrible. He’s lost weight too, which is dangerous in his condition. His bones were much too prominent, and his eyes were almost feverishly bright, darting around erratically.

“Wedlock suits you, I’m afraid,” he greeted me at the door with a terrible, painful grin. “I really cannot congratulate you.”

It had to be another of his nonsensical performances, but he’s usually a better actor.

Maybe I shouldn’t have gone at all. Liza seemed to think the whole thing was just a joke. With her, Alex, all of my other exes, we just found we were better as friends, but things ended so badly with Justin. I just wanted to apologise—and thank him—and maybe see if he needed anything.

Instead, all I could do is respond in confusion, “What are you talking about? What’s happened?”

“There’s no use in playing innocent,” he said, though he knows I’m no actor. “Perhaps it is for the best. After all, love is an emotional thing, and whatever is emotional is opposed to that true cold reason which I ought to place above all things. In truth, I should never so burden myself, lest I bias my judgement.” He made his disgust clear.

“Hey, I came here to try to make things right, but if that’s how you feel-”

“There is no more reason for you to lie to me. I understand, you have made your choice as many other good doctors have before you. I thought it wouldn’t come to this, that you were a little stronger than our dear Watson, or at least that you could stand up to a little adversity, but it is plain that I was wrong. Of course, when you have the choice between a peaceful life with a beautiful woman and defying the laws of man and God, it is only reasonable that you would take the safer, easier path. Like Holmes, I am not quite so fortunate, but it would be cruel for me to deny you what peace you can find. I only wish you had been kind enough to leave before your tryst began instead of playing me for a fool,” he rambled wildly, his voice laced with cruel anger.

“Where did you get all of this? Surely not from Sherlock Holmes. And I’m not seeing anyone, not that it’s any of your business anymore.”

“No, I am not your problem anymore,” he spat the words back at me.

“You clearly have some problem. What’s going on?”

“You made your choice. I am not here to assuage your guilt.”

“This isn’t about me. If you don’t want to see me then fine, but Justin, there’s something wrong, you need medical attention.”

“Leave!” he shouted. “Go and never come back!”

“Fine,” I snapped, and I left.

Maybe I should’ve called an ambulance. He was doing very badly, but I don’t really know how urgent it was. I should’ve stayed and kept an eye on him at least. I’ve dealt with more difficult patients before—pain can do terrible things to people and I know better than to let it get to me—but this was different, more personal. Of course it was. He is my ex.

Maybe I should just give him some space and let him figure things out for himself like he did for me this past month. Still, I hate to leave him like that.