#I wish I didn't enjoy obnoxious music.
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ask-artsy-oncie · 4 months ago
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I wish I was not an unintelligent manchild.
#Vent#I wish I had interests that were properly 'adult'#I wish I didn't like being surrounded by toys and trinkets and games and comics.#I wish my room looked like how you'd expect an adult's room to look#I wish my art was refined. I wish I worked in mediums that were considered respectable to the average person.#I wish I could read. I mean like I really wish I could focus and read a book above a high school reading level. And properly disect it.#I wish I dressed properly. Plainly.#I wish I could feel comfortable surrounded by muted colors.#I wish I didn't enjoy obnoxious music.#I wish I didn't cling to things that reminded me of my childhood.#I wish I could be just like a normal adult office worker who was able to socialize properly and went to the gym#And then would go home and cook myself dinner and read and then go to sleep.#And I would still be miserable. I'd still be undesirable. But at least I'd be normal. I'd probably hate myself less. I'd be more respectabl#Why didn't I ever grow up. Why. What's wrong with me.#Why did I get a weird job. Why do I want weird things. Why am I weird.#Maybe if I was normal I could make fun of adults who have weird interests and get rid of the awful fucking pit in my stomach#Maybe I'd be marginally less miserable because at least my life is put together and at least I'm normal.#And I wouldn't have to waste time and money and energy doing weird things like going to conventions#(I was going to add to that but I rarely leave the house as is)#Instead I would just talk at the water cooler and otherwise think insightfully and deeply. Be a proper philosopher or something.#And with a better more normal job I'd have the money to be a philanthropist too#And I wouldn't bother anyone#And I DEFINITELY wouldn't be FLAPPING MY FUCKING HANDS WHEN I GET EXCITED#OR SINGING UNDER MY BREATH RANDOMLY WITHOUT REALIZING IT#OR BITING MY NAILS OR TAPPING MY FINGERS OR LISTENING TO MUSIC SO LOUD I CAN FEEL IT IN MY CHEST#I WOULDNT BE BOUNCING MY FUCKING LEG#I WOULD BE *FUCKING NORMAL*.
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gyuwoncheol · 1 year ago
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Slowly; All At Once
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Pair: Mingyu x f!reader
Genre: fluff, best friends to lovers with Mingyu, boyfriend material!Mingyu, slight angst.
Summary: Kim Mingyu fell in love with you slowly, but you fell in love with him all at once.
Warnings: short hair Mingyu (yes this deserves a warning. He looks too good), rowdy house party setting, mentions of alcohol, angst (but not with Mingyu), mentions/allusions to a panic attack/sensory overload, kissing, fluff because mingyu is so sweet and protective 😩 Half proofread.
WC: 5k
Author's Note: listen, short hair Mingyu is SO boyfriend coded okay, it just does things to me.
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“Gyu?” You spoke as loudly as you could.
“What’s up?” Your best friend answered through a yawn and you would’ve regretted disturbing him so late in the night but you really needed him now.
“Gyu, i’m so sorry..”
Mingyu sat up from his position in bed, the drowsiness in him suddenly gone at the sound of your voice trembling. “What’s wrong?” He asked, his senses heightened, suddenly now hearing the loud music in your background.
“Could.. if you’re free, c-could you come get me?”  
Mingyu was already slipping his shirt on and turning off his tv right after you asked. “Where are you? Are you okay? Are you in danger?” He quizzed, rushing down the stairs to grab his car keys and the hoodie hanging off the hooks.
“I’m at Jamie’s house. So many people, I jus’ wan’go home,” you slurred, stumbling into a corner of the house party you were at.
You could hear the sound of his engine rumbling to a start and somehow, that made you breathe a little easier. That was the thing about your best friend, when you needed him, he would be there, any time, any day, no questions asked. “Ok hang tight. I’ll be there.”
The line went dead as you cowered a little more to the corner of the house party you were at. The more the crowd grew, the more out of place you felt. Sure, most faces were familiar to you as they were the same ones that walked around your school building but no one was really close enough to you. Jamie, herself, was nowhere to be found. You weren't a stranger to house parties, you actually enjoyed them but this one really made you feel like you didn't belong. The crowd was quite rowdy, noise was obnoxiously loud, people were shoving drinks to you left and right, frat boys— both those senior and junior to you— were hitting on you, and, well, the sight of your ex-boyfriend's tongue down your ex-roommate's throat just wasn't exactly what you expected to see tonight. 
You wished you had stayed home instead or spent your Friday night with your best friend watching Shark Tank episodes and talking about all the inventions you both could make and would definitely get invested on. But no, you had begged off from Mingyu this one time, telling him that you wanted to let loose a little bit and hang with some of your girl friends.
The night started fine, you and the girls having cocktails after dinner at a bar nearby, until one of them had all but dragged you guys to the house party a common friend was throwing. What you didn't know was all their boyfriends had already been there, eventually leaving you alone as soon you all walked in the doors. 
You wanted to get out of there but as you looked at the volume of people in front of you, you were sure you wouldn't be able to push through them without getting pushed around. You felt trapped, your breaths becoming shorter whilst you tried to calm your heart. You were in need of air and of water real bad. 
"Hello?" you picked up your phone at first ring.
It was Mingyu. "Where are you?" 
"I-i'm by the end of the hall towards the kitchen at the back." 
Mingyu grimaced at the mixed smell of alcohol, cigarettes, sweat and weed in the place, not to mention the huge crowd that the party had gathered. He spotted numerous acquaintances and friends who all excitedly greeted him, offering him shots and beers but he ignored all of them, brain laser focused at finding you. It took him about five minutes before he reached the hall you were in and immediately spotted you thanks to his height which allowed him a “bird’s eye view.”
"Y/N," you felt a towering presence stumble in front of your crouched position, but was immediately comforted at the owner of the voice. It’s a really good thing you knew his voice well because you were still getting used to his new and much shorter haircut.
"Gyu!" You sighed in relief, hands immediately gripping his forearm as you steadied yourself against him. He kept a protective hand on your waist, caging you in between him and the corner to shield you from the crowd. He noticed the natural blush on your cheeks from the alcohol and the slightly far away look in your eyes. He could tell you weren’t exactly drunk, but he could also read the fear and sadness in them. He gave you a little bit more time to steady your breathing and comfort yourself in his presence, whispering "it's okay's" and "you're alright, I'm here." 
"Gyu, I'm dizzy," you declared. You weren't drunk, just slightly tipsy at most, it was the stuffiness in the room that had you wanting air.
Mingyu glanced back at the amount of people in the hall, mentally mapping the fastest way out to the closest door, before turning back to you. "Y/n,” he cupped your cheek to guide your eyes to his, "We'll make our way out, okay? Hold on to me?" He laid out his large hand for you to take and you gripped it like a vice as you gave him a small nod. 
There are many reasons to be thankful for Mingyu's height and build, and tonight, as he pushed through the crowds with one hand tightly intertwined with yours, was one of them. You were only but a few steps away from the door when your face collided with Mingyu's back. Someone had blocked his way and you were too slow to stop yourself when he did.
"heeey leaving so soon?!" A very familiar but very drunk voice slurred. It was Jung, your asshole of an ex-boyfriend. "You just got here,bro." 
"Not here to party. Just—" 
"Oh come on, Mingyu! At least take a shot!" 
"Yeah!!" another party goer whom you recognize to be from the same frat as Jung cheered on, "In fact why don't you and y/n take a shot together!" Two shot glasses filled to the brim with tequila were suddenly raised at you both. You made a face, hiding yourself behind your best friend’s broad back, hoping it would be enough to make you disappear.
"Y/n!" Jung sang-song in a way that had Mingyu gripping your hands even tighter, "Why don't you take a shot for me, baby? It's still too early to call it a—"
"Don't touch her." Mingyu growled at your ex who was attempting to bypass him and snake an arm around your waist, "Let’s go, y/n" Mingyu pulled at you, desperately hoping to just get the both of you out of there.
As you stumbled past your ex, you yelped when you felt his hand pull on your free wrist, almost yanking you away from Mingyu's hold. "Cmon, baby. Just one more shot. Like old times." A disgusting smirk was plastered on Jung's face, one you wanted to wipe off with a punch.
“I said. Don’t. Touch. Her.” Mingyu repeated louder and firmer this time, pulling your caught wrist and now purposely standing in full height to tower over your drunken ex.
“Gyu, let’s go,” you whisper, noticing that the exchange between both boys have suddenly gained the crowd’s attention.
“Oh come on Mingyu, it’s just a shot!” One of the other guys pushed.
With a roll of his eyes, Mingyu took the shot glass and downed the liquor easily. But it wasn’t until he took the second shot of tequila— supposedly yours— and poured it down his throat that the crowd erupted in cheers. “Happy?” Mingyu sneered at Jung, “now, let us go.” 
“Still her savior, huh?” Your ex called out, making Mingyu freeze in his tracks as he tried to navigate through the crowd, “you still the best friend? Or are you finally the boyfriend now?” 
You felt your breath get caught in your throat at what you just heard. But nothing could have prepared you for the next thing that tumbled out of your best friend’s mouth. 
“So what if I was?” Mingyu looked back at your ex bitterly, eyes filled with anger, “At least I know I’d treat her right.”
You had no chance to see the sour, defeated face Jung sported, but the crowd’s ‘oooh’s’ were enough to let you know that Mingyu definitely had the last laugh in that exchange. Everyone had even made space for you both to successfully exit, not wanting to mess with the 6 foot 2 man. 
Mingyu watched you carefully as you stabilized your breathing, the fresh air paired with the water he had just given you was slowly erasing the dizziness you felt earlier. He had his hands in his pockets while you looked up at him, your back leaning on his car, and a thick silence in the air. You wanted to say something, you wanted to say a lot of things actually, but didn’t know how to start. 
“Here, put this on,” Mingyu said softly, grabbing his hoodie from the back seat and pulling it over your shivering frame since your dress did little to protect you from the cold. You hummed in satisfaction, the warmth of the cotton shielding your exposed skin and the smell of him grounding you even more. 
“Thank you, Gyu. For saving me. And for taking that shot.” You squeaked, looking down at the ground, wanting to say many other things but it’s all you could put together for now. 
Mingyu’s mind however, wandered some place else. Like how you were still so beautiful right now? Looking so tiny in his hoodie, cheeks flushed and your makeup a bit smeared. To him, you were still the prettiest thing his eyes had seen. God he just wanted to kiss you. If only you were in your right mind, no alcohol in your system and not reeling back from what could’ve been a panic attack. And maybe, if only it didn’t ruin the friendship. 
‘I’d die for you,’ is what Mingyu would’ve wanted to say. “Hey, it’s fine. Don’t worry about it… as long as you’re okay. I mean… you are okay, right?” 
He stood closely in front of you, watching intently as you tried to form words but your growing silence did nothing to quell his worries. 
“Y/n,” your best friend’s voice firm, “did something happen back there? Are you hurt? You think your drink got spiked? Did someone harra—“
“No, no!” You confirmed, sensing the agitation in his voice, “nothing happened to me. Was just really overwhelmed with the crowd… the boys were annoying, the girls left me, and I… i didn’t even know Jung was dating Cass now.”
Ah, there it is, Mingyu thought. It always has something to do with your stupid ex.
“Cass? Your ex roommate, Cass?” 
“Yeah.” 
“Dating or not, they were definitely making out,” Mingyu could hear both the pain and disgust in your voice, “i just don’t get it.” Yeah, neither does Mingyu, why were you still so hung up on this— 
“I’m over him, you know?” 
“What?” Mingyu looked at you so quickly, he might’ve gotten a whiplash 
“I’m over him.” You confirmed and Mingyu would be lying if he said he didn’t want to just jump in joy right there and then. But your face still looked sour, angry even, like you had just been forced to chew on a whole lemon. “I realise now I was such an idiot for even loving him. But Cass? Really? My ex-roommate? I don’t know.. I know we’ve broken up months ago but it just feels weird. She knew how much he hurt me.. she even wanted to, and I quote, ‘stab him in the gym,’ but now she’s practically dry humping him in the middle of the worst house party known to man?!” You frustrated, your voice reaching a higher pitch than you had expected only to fall down to a very quiet whisper, “i just… I can’t help but feel betrayed.”
Mingyu noticed a lone tear roll down your cheek, the back of your hand immediately wiping it away. He knew how close you were to Cass, he still remembers how you cried to him when she suddenly cut off communication with you and moved out of your apartment. For the longest time, you had thought you did something wrong and had beaten yourself up over it. But now it all just made sense. 
Your best friend pulled you in for an embrace, mumbling about how you deserve better and how he’s sorry this happened to you.
“God,” you scoffed, “i’m sorry, i’m such a loser… everything about tonight just makes me feel so… alone.” 
“Hey now!” Mingyu pulled back harshly, holding you firmly by the shoulders, an arms length distance between you both. “I take offense to that. I’m literally right here, you know.” 
“Exactly. When you really could’ve been sleeping peacefully, or maybe even be on a date with some pretty girl. Instead you’re here, rescuing your pathetic excuse of a best friend.”
“Well.. you know what?” Mingyu challenged, pulling you in again into his arms for a warm hug, “there’s nowhere else i’d rather be. Now let’s get you home, yeah?” He assured instead, opening the door to the passenger seat of his car. You slumped into the seat and Mingyu went as far as strapping your seat belt for you, your lips just mere centimeters away from his. He stopped to look at you, eyes scanning yours before dropping to your lips momentarily and then back to your eyes again. You could feel the tension in the air and you didn’t even realize you were holding your breath until he finally moved away and closed the door gently. 
Mingyu couldn’t help but notice a few tears escaping you as you looked out the car window, lone tears slowly falling on your cheek. You couldn’t really shake the idea from your brain of your roommate and your ex getting together, the betrayal just squeezing your heart in pain. Maybe the alcohol also just heightened your sensitivity too. When the car stopped at a red light, a gentle squeeze on your left hand had you looking up to your best friend, soft eyes matching yours as he flashed you a lopsided smile. He didn’t say anything, he didn’t have to. You knew his action was that of comfort, as if to tell you you weren’t alone. 
Mingyu kept his hand tightly on yours throughout the ride, his thumb rubbing circles on the back of your hand and that small action really helped keep the sad thoughts away. It wasn’t until you reached the exit of the freeway when you noticed Mingyu suddenly take a left turn. 
“Where are we going?” You squeaked
“Mine,” Mingyu confirmed, “is that ok? I just don’t wanna leave you alone for now, and i don’t think the sight of Cass’s empty room is something you’re ready to see either.”
You pondered on his suggestion quickly and knew it made sense. If anything, your best friend’s comforting presence is exactly what you needed right now.
The moment you got to his place, everything was like clockwork. He let you shower and freshen up, then handed you one of his large shirts and one of your old shorts you kept at his place for sleepover nights like these. 
A bottle of water was left by the bathroom door when you had finished. Drink this all before you go back down, Mingyu had written in a note and you cooed at the thoughtfulness of your best friend.  As you got to changing, you couldn’t help but notice just how much comfort his place brought you. His bedroom— and the rest of the apartment— was littered with photos of the both of you through the years. Your favorite conditioner was in his bathroom. He had a little basket in his closet that had things for you— hair brush, your favorite makeup remover, a few of your skin care items (which he bought himself), some old clothes, and even sanitary pads. You smiled at the sight of the little disney nightlight he had bought especially for you last year because even though he liked his lights off when he sleeps, he knew you hated the dark. You knew he kept some of your favorite snacks in his pantry, and he always had a pint of your favorite ice cream in his freezer. You were grinning by the time you had thought of all these things. You were feeling way too giddy and and then it hit you, those are butterflies you feel in your stomach. You felt like a tidal wave just hit you, your brain suddenly replaying every encounter with Mingyu and the longer it went on, the more you felt your heart being squeezed. You’re reminded how he didn’t even hesitate to pick you up tonight, or take that shot for you, or how he might’ve just thrown a punch at Jung if he so much laid another finger on you. You remember the tension in the car when your lips were inches apart. Yup, definitely butterflies. You simultaneously cursed yourself for not seeing it sooner. For not feeling it sooner. Do best friends really go this far? Could Kim Mingyu be in love with you? Better yet, did you just fall in love with him? There’s no way. Right? Mingyu was simply a really nice guy, and he would be especially kind to you, his best friend, and you are just very, very appreciative of it.
Yeah, just best friends.
That’s all.
So why do you suddenly want it to be more? 
Mingyu, on the other hand, was a ball of nerves in his living room. The events of tonight made him feel like he might not be able to hold back his feelings any longer. Seeing you tonight, your helpless self in such a huge crowd of people and then silently crying in the car just awakened something in him, like a very strong urge to protect you and embrace you in so much love that you won't ever remember the feeling of being hurt. He loves you very much, for quite some time now actually, and not just in the best friend kind anymore, he knows that much. But he can't quite figure out when it happened. There was no specific moment or grand gesture that made him think "i'm in love with my best friend." Your friendship certainly began platonic, no hidden intentions or attraction. It started when both your chaotic selves ended up paired for a group work in freshman year and you just haven't been separated since then. Over time, he's unconsciously made more space for you in his heart. What started as him giving you food every now and then so you could test his culinary experiments eventually turned into packed meals every Tuesdays and Thursdays when your classes stretched until 8 in the evening. He began omitting mustard in the dishes he cooks for you because of your allergy, even though he personally loves it. He once helped you do groceries and noticed you liked to buy your juices and milks in large cartons, and so he eventually scheduled his grocery days the same as yours so you wouldn't have to carry everything by yourself. You brought out the best in him. He witnessed your thoughtfulness and kindness and that made him want to be a better person for himself. One day, when he cracked a lame joke, he realised nothing sounds sweeter than your laugh. Mingyu always listened to you, even when you spoke nonsense most times. Your crazy ideas were something he questioned a lot before but now it's what makes him laugh the most. Kim Mingyu fell in love with you slowly, he never stopped himself from it because he's learned it was simply impossible. The joy you brought to his life was unexplainable. So he just let it happen, but he'd never tell you that, not when it could mean losing the single most important person in his life. But tonight, it seemed his heart was bursting at the seams and he wasn't so sure how long he could control his mouth from vomiting the words. Maybe it wasn't such a good idea to have you sleep over tonight. 
"Gyu? you good?" you asked, sitting beside him and getting under the same throw he had placed over him. He looked so soft and cuddly in his dark gray sweatshirt he changed into. God, he looked every bit of boyfriend right now.
"Huh?" 
"You were spaced out," you giggled
"Oh. Yeah, i'm ok, just waiting for you… Was the shower ok? Did you drink your water?" 
You nodded and pointed to the empty water bottle you had placed on the coffee table in front of you, "I'm alright, Gyu. Tired but feeling much better." You punctuated your words with a small thank you and a kiss on his cheek and Mingyu tensed. The scent of your shampoo washed over him and even though it was only a few seconds, it's like he could still feel your lips on his cheek. You saw his eyes grow wide and his shoulders slightly square up but whatever it was, he chose to stay silent. 
"okay!" he announced, trying to break the awkwardness he was feeling. "movie?" 
"about that... could we... maybe talk first?" 
An ice bucket might as well have been thrown on top of Mingyu's head, either that or have the ground open up to swallow him whole. He seriously might not keep his feelings at bay this time around. "uhhh... a-about what?"
"About what happened in the party." 
"Oh," your best friend relaxed a little, "I thought you were fine? You said no one hurt you right? I mean, of course aside from seeing Cass and—" 
"Gyu," you interrupted him with a hand on his forearm, turning to the side so you could face him, "I don't mean that."
"Then what?" 
"About what you said to Jung," your voice barely above a whisper, "about being my boyfriend..." 
At that very moment, the both of you paused, the same thought in your brains: will my heart actually start beating out my chest?
"Oh. What about it?" Mingyu played it off and you gulped hard, maybe you shouldn't have brought it up. You normally thought you could see right through your best friend, but this time, he seemed so nonchalant about it all and if you were being honest, it broke your heart a little. 
The tanned boy waited for your answer, eyes holding a glint of fear as he watched you look at everything else in the room except his gaze, "I just... I don't know. You said if you were my boyfriend, then you'd be treating me right." 
"I would." Mingyu responded a little too fast, making your eyes find his immediately. He cursed himself for the lack of self control, now literally biting his tongue to stop from spilling the rest of his feelings.
"Then am I crazy for thinking that... that all you've done tonight was treat me right?" 
You watched your best friend swallow hard, eyes boring into your soul. You waited in bated breath for a response but Mingyu opened his mouth only to close it, and then open again. Mingyu steels himself, genuinely wanting to run away from the conversation. If he spoke any further, he just knows he'd lose his best friend and get his heart broken, so he chooses to point out the obvious instead. "Well, you are my best friend."
"is that all you want me to be?" There it goes. The million dollar question. It's now or never, Kim Mingyu, he hears the subconscious in his brain. He could feel the sweat on his back, his hands fidgeting under the throw.  Mingyu was not fond of how straightforward you were being. It's like you were ready to catch him red-handed and then tell him to start acting like a bestfriend instead of some love-sick puppy, or worse, stay away from you altogether. This is it. The end of a friendship he so carefully protected even if it meant it will never be more. 
"What do you mean?" He croaked, his throat feeling drier more than ever. Oh, if only Mingyu knew just how nervous you were too. 
You closed your eyes shut, inhaling sharply to muster up some confidence as you carefully place your heart on your sleeve.
“Because I look at your place and your life, and though I see a lot of you in it, I see me too. Pictures of us, my favorite food always in your kitchen, my number in your speed dial. I think about the past and all that you've done for me, laughing at the stupid shapes I think the clouds are forming, listening to me vent about all my frustrations, holding me when i cry about a broken heart, you’re there. You're always where I am. And it might have taken me long to realize this, but maybe you do love me more than just your bestfriend. And I just I hope i'm not too late to tell you that when I think about all of it, it hits me like a truck that I'm in love with you too."
If Mingyu was deaf, then everything you just said is probably the one thing that would help him regain his hearing. Every single word was loud and clear, your last sentence obnoxiously ringing in his ears, yet all this six foot something man could reply was an awkward “huh?”
You blinked hard at his dumbfounded expression, the back of your eyes immediately stinging with tears. Your efforts of confessing dying together with your heart. You felt the blood rush to your cheeks in embarrassment, hands flying to cover your face because wow, you seriously just misread the whole thing. “Fuck, I’m sorry. I- i must’ve misread. For—forget I said anything.” You mumbled, your voice shaking towards the end.
“No, no!” Mingyu panicked, his large hands prying yours away from your face and then cupping your cheeks, “i’m sorry. I love you. I heard you, loud and clear. And I love you, more than just a best friend. I’m so in love with you, have been for a while now.” He inched closer to you, the shyest smile on his face.
His eyes glanced at your lips before looking back at you again, asking softly, “Can I?”
With a small nod, he slotted his lips to yours and you immediately hummed in relief. Your eyes fluttering close with how gentle he was. His lips were slightly chapped but they were so pillowy against yours.
“I love you,” Mingyu mumbled in between a kiss, not being able to contain the smile that was breaking on his face. He swore he saw fireworks explode, his stomach churning in the best way possible.
“I love you too,” you responded as you broke apart for air. Both your eyes were twinkling, pure happiness just flowing through your veins.
He couldn’t quite believe it. Just moments ago, he was certain he’d end the night without a best friend. “Could you say that again?” He asked shyly, and if you weren’t just so whipped for the man, you wouldn’t have indulged him.
You climbed onto his lap, grinning as you placed your hands by the sides of his face. “I love you, Kim Mingyu. I’m so in love with you,” you obliged, peppering kisses on his cheeks and nose and lips.
Mingyu let out that tiny giggle he does when he’s really happy, the crinkles in his eyes appearing and his canines showing. “I love you,” you said one more time before properly latching onto his lips again. This time, your kiss was slightly deeper. He continued to mumble i love you’s to you in between before finally slipping his tongue into your mouth. Mingyu let out a low hum of sayisfaction when he felt you run your fingers through his short hair. His large hand stayed firm on the small of your back while the other was on your neck, making sure you couldn’t pull away too far or too fast, not that he should worry, the warmth of his body alone was already drawing you impossibly closer to him.
You rested your forehead on his when you broke apart the second time, matching grins on your faces as your eyes looked deeply at each other.
“You scared me, you know?” You scowled out of nowhere, your fist hitting his chest playfully.
“What?”
“I thought I really misread. Thought you didn’t actually love me.” The pout that appeared on your face was one Mingyu had seen before, but this time around, it pulled at his heartstrings even harder.
“Well I thought you saw right through me and didn’t want any of it. Thought you wanted to stop being best friends even.”
You raised a brow at him, tilting your head to the side slightly, “well now you’re not just my best friend, you’re also my boyfriend.”
The squeal that came out of Mingyu’s mouth was definitely one you wouldn’t expect from someone as large as him, but you loved it nonetheless, even though he paired it with a bone crushing hug that had your face uncomfortably smushed on his hard chest.
“G-gyu… c-can’t br-breathe.”
“Oh sorry,” he pulled back, still giggling from the thought of being called your boyfriend. You don’t think you’ve ever seen him this happy before and it makes the butterflies in your stomach flutter even harder.
You felt soft lips on your forehead, another “I love you” rolling past Mingyu’s mouth.
You responded back with the same three words, allowing yourself to look into his eyes intently, marking this important moment in your brain. You’ve heard of best friends falling in love and then falling out of love, the friendship sinking together with it. You knew there was no certainty that you and Mingyu wouldn’t meet that same fate, and it scared you for sure. But there was something about being in your best friend-now-boyfriend’s arms that just felt right. Like you were home. And somehow, that was more than enough to take away all the fears. It took a while, but you’ve never been more sure of something than you are now of loving Mingyu.
“So… we’re really doing this?” Mingyu asked as he tucked your hair behind your ear. You looked beautiful with the light pink that dusted your cheeks and the deeper crimson on your slightly swollen lips.
“As long as it’s with you.”
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newkatzkafe2023 · 3 months ago
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Hi there and I have a question, so how can the monkey kings react when the reader who is a lovely thick kitsune who wore a kda popstar uniform and offer if she wanted to perform a lovely private concert and wanted to offer a lovely date as well?? :3
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(Lmk Wukong) His Eyes were sparkling in amazement at everything. Mk and Mei invited him to a concert since Mk was tried of him being coped up in Flower fruit mountain. He only agreed so you would stop asking but he was so glad he agreed because who knew the singer was so cute😍. Wukong was usually hates crowds but he was to busy focusing on you as you danced and sing on stage while blowing kisses at him making Wukong blush. At the end of the show you gave him your autograph along with your phone number, in case he wants a private show just the two of you and he wasted know time calling🤤🤤🤤
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(NR Wukong) This dude was drooling over you at one of your concerts and he was going crazy. You were on stage bouncing and dancing around as you sang your song, and he was floored and obsessed. You saw his fuzzy self in the crowd I mean it's not that hard, but he was very handsome and you especially made sure he got a good look at you. Later you gave him your autograph and your number and promised him lots of private shows he wants, And of course Wukong purred at the idea🤤🤤🤤🤤
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(MKR Wukong) He hated everything about this event, he hated the crowd, the noise, the fog and lights EVERYTHING. What he didn't hate was the chubby fox Singer who stood on stage. Wukong followed monk to go preach to these festival people who clearly could care less about what's he's talking about, but it was how he saw you on stage preforming to a large crowd. You spotted him in the crowd and found his grumpy face adorable and after the show you approached him purring and flirting with him, while offering a private show❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥 and when they settled down Wukong came back for you to cash in that offer🥵🥵🥵❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥
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(HIB Wukong) this is not his scene at all, God Why did he listen to pigsy and go to this loud obnoxious festival. Pigsy felt he was working to hard on taking care of Silly girl and Luier which is why he made Wukong have the night off, while he babysat them. which was annoying but What Wukong was expecting was a cute fox Singer 👩‍🎤 🎤 to preform which was you and you seem to give him extra attention during your show which made Wukong blush and chirp a bit. Later after the show Wukong was in a daze and you offered him a private show and Encore, Wukong soon found himself following you home😉🥵😳.
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(Netflix Wukong) He was actually enjoying the show, the music was amazing and love the party vibes the festival had. He and Lin got some tickets to go to your concert and they were both excited to see you sing. When It was time for you to go on, Wukong's jaw dropped because he wasn't expecting the performer to be a adorable fox demon. Wukong blushed a bit at you, but tried to keep his cool and not embarrass himself until you went over and danced around and infront of him. Wukong was dazed and blushing but tried to keep his cool and keep up with you, you giggled and soon finish your song with a round of applause. At the end you found Wukong trying to escape you and offer him a private show and dance party with a hot pouty face, Wukong was breaking down so hard Lin had to say yes for him🤭
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(BMW Wukong) He had his eyes on you for a long time, like he was looking so intently you had a light blush on your face. You just focus on your performance as you dance and sang on stage and Wukong was low-key purring during the show, but he wished it was just the two of you so he can get a look at what was under those colorful but ever so tight and tiny clothes. At the end of the show you both meet up and were soon flirting and purring together, you offered Wukong a private show for his eyes only it was like you heard his wish and wanted to grant it, and he agreed as long as you were nude💙💙
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(Destined One) Well, he's not sure how he got himself in this strange situation. One moment he went out to this music festival the village he was visiting was having, the next moment he was watching this hot vixen dance and sing provocatively infront of him all while being on stage. The Destined one felt like such a huge pervert with his red hot face and trying desperately not to accidentally make eye contact, and because of that, you quickly found how easy and fun it is to tease him. You even offered him a private show to show him that you were just as interested in him as he was of you, and the next thing you knew, the poor silent monkey passed out🤭🤭😮😮
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FEEL FREE TO REBLOG🎤
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disdaidal · 6 months ago
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Giving you a character: Billy, of course. :p
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Of course, Billy Hargrove was to be expected :D
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How I feel about this character: I have strong and complicated feelings about this character. He's a bad boy, the kind of guy I would have absolutely hated in high school but also the kinda guy who would not be boring at least. :D He's loud and obnoxious and parties like an animal, but his taste in music is impeccable (I love rock and metal and music from the 80's and I will not take criticism for that). He's got pretty eyes (that curly mullet is... well, let's say, H&M did it better <3), a nice body and a great fashion sense (denim-on-denim and leather jackets ftw) and he drives a Chevrolet Camaro from '79 like a madman. He can also be pretty funny when he wants to be, ridiculous even. So, what's not to like really? :P
All the people I ship romantically with this character: I mostly ship him with Steve, Eddie and Argyle (the last two are totally crack and fanon but who gives). I think Billy and Heather could've been hot, more than friends, maybe even friends-with-benefits if not an actual couple. Just sayin'. I've seen some great headcanons, maybe even fanart of Billy and Chrissy and I think, you know, the princess and metalhead setting could've worked with them, too.
As for my most 'problematic' Billy ship, I actually really like Billy and Hopper. There's this whole daddy kink thing involved I suppose. Lowkey my favorite crackship Ted and Billy as well. :P I'm also very supportive of Billy and El in general, I think the actors had great chemistry in s3 and I can see why some ship them, so I suppose I lowkey ship them (in spirit), too.
My non-romantic OTP for this character: Though I ship Billy and Heather romantically, I also love seeing them as 'gay besties', supporting each other and protecting each other. It's one of my favorite headcanons in this fandom. Same goes for Chrissy I suppose, if not romantically involved.
Though Billy had his issues with Max, maybe even than beyond just normal 'sibling-ship', I still enjoyed their relationship a lot. It's clear that they spent a lot of time together (whether they actually hated it or not), and that they deeply cared for each other.
My unpopular opinion about this character: The majority of the fandom seems to think (or at least acts like) Billy is the worst character in the show and at least used to actively bully and harass Billy fans and shippers (his actor got his fair share of that also I hear). Though Billy was definitely not the nicest character or even particularly 'goody-good' (he was a bully and quite shitty at times actually), acting like he's worse than Dr. Brenner, for example, is bullshit. We clearly did not watch the same show.
Also, for other Billy fans... He might be your baby, but he's not an actual baby. He's not really your son or child and you don't need to 'protect' him from the haters who can't separate fiction from reality (just block them) or tw/anti Karen or any other character you don't like in favor of Billy (you're no better). Billy can also be shipped with characters other than Steve (male or female, older and younger, even self-inserts) and just because you don't like it, doesn't make the ship automatically 'problematic'. It just means there are people out there who like different things than you and you need to learn to suck it up and look away. It's for the best.
One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon. That Billy wouldn't have faced such gruesome death. He wasn't a good guy, but he didn't deserve to die, especially so young. I also wish we could've seen what really happened between him and Max between seasons 2 & 3 because clearly their relationship improved there. Such wasted potential.
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maximura · 7 days ago
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Ok so what groups do you enjoy besides enhypen and ateez so we can talk fun things
Excuse you! Ateez are fun in that intermittently tortuous way. Like, what the heck is Yunho doing these days. Where are his parents. Does he still go to church. Why are his hands naked. It's obnoxious and rude, if you ask me.
I love AESPA lately. It's just so fun, in that harmless and unpressured way. Like I listen to it and I don't feel I need to be a certain type of fan to enjoy it.
I wish TXT had better music. Their Lovesick Trilogy Era was perfect to me. It's astounding they released Lovesong, Anti Romantic, Lover=Loser and Chasing That Feeling followed by......all the new drab material that has no personality.
I heard that GOT7 are having a comeback and man, I didn't know how much I missed them. I'm looking forward to that.
I actually also miss NCT127 with Taeyong. More than I thought I would. That guy is so essential to the group that it's insane he had antis in the first place.
I need to catch up on WayV because I think they are so underrated and have great music. I'm still annoyed with what happened to them but it's SM and China-Line, so I guess I should've seen it coming.
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stuffyflowers · 4 months ago
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Started playing PS Outertale a few hours ago and I have, thoughts.
For the most part, geno has been a chill time. There are some tweaks I really appreciate, like the grinding being so quick and skipping dialog by holding C. Asriel was a little jarring at first, really did not like the way he talked down to Papyrus (and that bit where he's pretending Sans is still there? eugh), but once we were past not-Snowdin I really started to appreciate him. His relationship with Frisk/Chara/The Player/Whatever is really intriguing, especially how Frisk or whoever genuinely seems to reciprocate his feelings. Love the Best Friends Setting The World On Fire vibe we got going on.
I did kind of feel like the game was just, really easy? I beat Undyne the Undying without dying, and that's without knowing what the new spear attacks did. But a lot of her normal attack were just like, easier versions of her original attacks? I did like the extra attacking mechanic and how it was still loosely DDR esc like green soul mode.
Beat Mettaton on my second try. Orange soul mode was neat. A little weird to get used to but it didn't offend. Defiantly a little harder that Undyne but not a huge step up.
Alphys... I REALLY do not like this fight. As of writing this I have not beaten it and I don't thing I will. There are a just, lot of little things that just drag the whole thing down for me. For one, Screen Shake. Lasers shake the screen, the expanding rings shake the screen, hell, even the damn MUSIC shakes the screen! I can't see where I am or what I'm supposed to be dodging! Second, the obnoxious spinning background. It's distracting and bugs the hell out of me. Third, the music. It's very meh imo, gets grating after a bit and just sounds like noise now. So far my biggest issue is that her attacks are 1000 years long. Each one feels like three for four attacks in one. Sometimes I'd get most of the way through an attack and just, get fatigued and take my hands off the keyboard cause I'm so overwhelmed.
I've never felt like this before. I don't usually mind a challenge, I actually like throwing myself at a problem until I break through. I loved beating UTY geno without using any equipment (Only Rubber Bullets, the Patch and the Toy Gun. Honestly if you're looking to play UTY geno again but harder I highly recommend), and that was a grind that took weeks. But this? I have absolutely no desire to return to this. I can't honestly say the fight is even good or bad cause I just can't get into it. This is the worst time I've ever had fighting an UT boss, and I don't think that was the intention.
I don't know where I was going with this. I just had a lot of thoughts and felt the need to share them.
Fun fact u can hold alt+press left twice to open the debug menu and get temmie armour infinite hp etc etc would highly recommend using whenever a fight annoys u lol im not grinding for this game. I agree w ur alphys boss complaint so much, I almost got my ass beat WHILE using th temmie armour, the patience soul mode is just not made for a boss fight of that scale I don’t think, especially not one where it piles on what feels like 20 attacks in one turn. It’s so sad bc I was genuinely pretty hyped to see final boss alphys, seeing herself as the one to blame for everyone’s deaths in this route coulda made up for the nothingburger she was given in pacifist but it was just. Eh.
Also asriel is just very funny to me. This au really only cares abt asriel and twinkly seems to exist just to fill floweys slot which is smth I don’t care for, but I at least appreciate they let him be an edgy little shit rather than playing into the idea that having a soul would magically fix flowey/twinkly and make him a normal kid again. I like that frisk is kind of just fucking around ig, it makes a funny contrast against asriel. I wish the route used the frisk/asriel/mk trio more also. Idontknow I still haven’t fully figured out how I feel about this route it’s so weird. I did enjoy it more on average than lv0 pacifist tho so that’s. Something?
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dippydippycritiques · 8 months ago
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First Impressions of Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door On Switch
I want to start off by saying if you preordered TTYD, I am so so sorry! I went to GameStop to just pick up the game normally and the guy that worked there told me not everyone got their preorders day one because Nintendo didn't make enough copies. It was something to do with Amazon, I'm not entirely sure as part of what he was saying went over my head and I don't know how true this is, this is just what he told me, but I am having severe Fire Emblem Awakening flashbacks, ironically, another Intelligent Systems game that didn't have enough copies when it launched years ago.
I guess I just got really lucky with my copy because I just went into the store to buy one, I never preordered it, but the truth is I never preorder my stuff anyway. I have only ever done that once in my life for the special edition of Fire Emblem Echos. So I guess I'm old school and I'd rather go and grab the game myself then rely on a service to make sure my copy is there on time.
Anyway, with that out of the way. I am having a great time with TTYD so far! There are some issues, some that might be a me thing while others I feel need to be tweaked (I'll explain momentarily) but I have already put a few hours into the game and I am completely invested.
With that being said, here are a few of my issues thus far.
Firstly, The 30 FPS.
I am one of the ones that wished it was 60 FPS as when I first started the game, It did feel very sluggish compared to the original. However, I did adjust to it overtime and because I am enjoying the game so much. I did forget about it after a while. I just kind of wish Mario's running speed was a little faster. It could be me miss remembering since I haven't played the game in fifteen years, but he feels super slow. If they sped him up just a tad, it would be perfect.
Next, the music.
I turned that shit off and switched it back to the original as soon as I was able. None of them hit me as being better than the original tracks (at least for me anyway), and I became immediately turned off by them. If it's your first time playing the game, the new tracks probably won't bother you at all, but for me. The new tracks were super annoying to listen to. Some of them, especially the new Roughport theme, reminded me a lot of Yoshi's Island 3DS. The blaring trumpets were obnoxious and some of the very first tracks felt tacky. Worst too is the fact that when you do switch over to the GameCube tracks, not all of them are present! When you get a new partner, for example, that specific track is missing from the main game no matter if you switch to the old music tracks. Also, switching to the GameCube version does not apply to the new character themes, which I am ok with as I do like the change! It makes your partners feel more important and I do like them a lot!
Ok, now for the biggest issue I found so far.
The reaction times when it comes to your attacks, specifically, Koop's Shell Toss is...not the best if you catch my drift. In the original, I am pretty confident in saying that when you let go of the stick, the light needs to be red when you do, which is what the remake also tells you to do as well. HOWEVER, that's not how it works. In this version, you need to release the left stick BEFORE the light turns red because if you do when it lights up. The bar will almost ALWAYS pass the red indicator, which means you will not get the extra damage. I hope this situation is only specific to Koop's since, fortunately, you will probably be using Goombella more for single enemy focused attacks then Koop's, but this is something that does legitimately bother me and even when I delay it. I can't hit it every time like I did in the original.
Edit: I put two more hours in after writing this and I did get used to the shell toss imput command over time. I think the description is just misleading, and I don't remember exactly if it was worded the same in the original. If it was, the description needed to be changed here.
Other than that, I am in love with everything else! When I beat the game, I will post a proper review, but these are just my initial thoughts during the first couple of hours. I hope everyone gets there preorders as soon as possible.
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silverryu25 · 1 year ago
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Absolute Randomness Day 5 + Pornstar AU ^^
Dang this was a chalenging combo! XD And not cause I couldn't think of something, it's just that everything that came to mind would need so much worldbuilding I would be writing a multi-chapter fic XD
But no! 500 words or less! I already messed up yesterday so today it's gonna be short!! XP
DAY 5 - Absolute Randomness: Sci-fi (With you i have the whole universe in my hands) + Pornstar AU
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Red sat in a chair that could barely fit his bulk. It creaked and bent when he moved, the sound heard despite the loud, almost obnoxiously so, music. But he didn't care, he wasn't here for the comfort or atmosphere.
No, he was here to see a star.
Just as his patience slowly started to falter, frown deepening with every second he had to sit in this horrendously tacky pink room, the lights dimmed. His browbone perked up, attention getting dragged to the curtains on the opposite side of the chair he was seated in.
The music went from the generic elevator sounding crap to something more... intense, yet still calm and deep. It reminded him of the deep space he traveled while on duty. The vastness and mystery of the eternity stretching in all directions, that both terrified and thrilled him.
This time though, there was only the thrill.
Red smirked as he focused on the curtains as they opened, the darkness beyond them obscuring the one he was waiting for. The one he knew he had to have the moment he laid his eyes on them in the main hall. The one that drew his gaze like a lit beacon in a stormy night.
Starlight.
He knew it was a stage name, but it didn't matter. He'd find out their real name eventually, for now all he wanted was to enjoy this opportunity.
Finally, mercifully, the curtains opened and the object of Red's newfound obsession glided in. Their gait was light, almost airy, as of they weighted nothing. Red could almost believe it as his his eyelights focused on the delicate, almost brittle, looking bones. The flashy blue clothes (if you could call them that) barely covered the skeleton monsters bones. They were pristine, no marks or cracks on them, but Red could feel his magic bristle at how thin they looked.
He knew workers in the porn industry did better when they kept their bodies in trend to the latest fashion fads, but he was already promising he would make sure this gorgeous monster got some meat on his bones... figuratively speaking. But their body, as captivating as it was, wasn't what drew him here.
No. It were their eyelights.
Two white pearls, burning as brightly as the brightest stars Red saw during his travels. He could feel himself being dragged into the shine of those stars, feeling as if they could see right through him and directly into his soul. He could feel his own eyelights flare with his magic in response, and he could see the other's whites flash back with a soft blue glow, too soft to be completely certain in this dimmed room, but somehow he was certain it was there.
For now, he was just going to enjoy the show as he waits for an opportunity to make his move and slip Starlight a little something that would ultimately bring him into Red's arms. Red was determined to make this star his own because he knew they would complete his biggest wish.
Because with them by his side he would have the whole universe in his hands.
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525 words... so close! DX
Welp... this was supposed to be smut only but somehow the plot wormed its way in there... again... *shakes angry fist at the plot bunny* >:/
For anyone confused, Starlight is Sans' stripper stage name. Red saw him pole dancing in the main area of the club and fell for him hard. So he paid to have Sans do a private show for him. He isn't really supposed to touch or talk to the dancer (why you ask? plot reasons UwU) but he is planning on using a high-tech tracker on Sans so he can find him later... now you'd think that's creepy, but Sans isn't doing this 100% voluntarily and Red knows it (they are on this planet for a reason~)... but that plot is waaaaaaay too long for a drabble so.... just use your imagination >;P
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eyitzme · 8 months ago
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ᵗʰᵉ ʳᵒᵃᵈ ⁱⁿ ᵗʰᵉ ⁿⁱᵍʰᵗ ; ˣᵃⁿʳᵉⁱ ⁽ᵈʳᵈᵗ⁾
Summary: Xander Matthews and Arei Nageishi are trying to get home after spending the day with their classmates. Traffic, rain, and construction go against their wishes, and they're not making it home until a few more hours. Xander can deal with it, but when Arei's phone dies and she can't listen to music anymore, a conversation starts between them. It's not that bad. Word Count: 3,401 A/N: If I had a nickel for every Xanrei fic I made that happened during the night, I'd have two nickels, which isn't a lot, but isn't it weird how it happened twice? So, this fic was supposed to be Xanrei driving to some place, sitting on top of the car, looking at the night sky, and talking. (I have three nickels if you include ideas.) The moment I started writing this, my brain wondered about traffic, and the whole direction of the fic shifted before I even knew it. Writing is so weird. Faint traces remain, but you couldn't even tell what the original plan was unless I told you. I'm still proud of writing this entire one shot in one day, though, since the Xanrei fic I posted the other day did, in fact, give me motivation to write more Xanrei. Applaud me! (I'm imagining you, the reader, as a genderless being vaguely shaped like a human applauding for me right now.)
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it isn't so bad being out here with you.
Xander Matthews enjoyed car rides. They were, most of the time, a nice experience that helped you get along with those around you. There were plenty of things you could do in the car, and the small stops through the trip, if it was a long one, gave you a short break from the others if you needed it. The question of where you were going was great as well! The possibilities were endless!
Today wasn't "most of the time."
Xander and his classmate, Arei Nageishi, were trying to go home after a long day of taking a break from school at a park five hours away from campus with the rest of their classmates. According to some of them—half, actually—Arei wasn't allowed to drive or even be in a car alone. Xander wasn't sure what the big deal was, but it wasn't like he spoke to Arei much. Whatever the case was, he found himself in his car willing to drive her home. It didn't seem like that bad of an idea, especially since Arei was busy with whatever music was playing in her headphones. The silence was a bit unnerving for Xander, especially considering who he was in the car with, but he was fine with it.
But then they got onto the highway and were stuck in traffic thanks to some construction. It was already getting late, and it just had to start raining too. They were barely moving a centimetre about every few minutes, and with how it was already nearing 11 P.M., he wasn't sure they were making it back home before midnight.
Xander's car was one of the more silent ones. He wasn't honking his horn obnoxiously like the other cars, and there wasn't any conversation going on either. The conversation part changed the moment Arei declared from the backseat, "This is the worst day ever!"
"It isn't that bad," Xander told her.
"Yes, it is. My phone died, and we're not even home yet, right?"
"You didn't realize we're stuck in traffic?"
"We're stuck in traffic?" From the rearview mirror, he could see Arei putting her headphones on her shoulders and looking out the windows. Her backpack rested on the ground in front of her. "Oh, we are. That sucks."
With his eyes still on the rearview mirror, Xander asked, "You actually didn't notice?"
"No," she answered. "I was going to listen to music until we got home so I wouldn't have to talk to you, but now my phone's dead."
"What's so bad about talking to me?"
"You're British."
Xander sighed. "You're not funny..."
"You're not funny," Arei repeated in a horrible attempt at a British accent.
Xander wasn't sure why he even attempted to talk to her. Arei pushed everyone's buttons almost too easily, and he was no exception. He wasn't sure what her deal was, but she could so annoying at times!
"How long until we're back home?" Arei asked.
"We're probably not getting back until after midnight," Xander answered.
"What time is it now?"
"11:48 P.M."
"I bet all the others are already home by now. I should've went with one of them instead of you."
"Too late now." In his mind, Xander repeated, Don't get annoyed. She's trying to make you annoyed, so giving her a reaction would be giving her what she wants. Don't get annoyed.
"It's Friday, right?" Arei leaned back against the backseat. "Nothing to do tomorrow. I'd be upset about the traffic if I had something important."
"You're not the one driving," Xander said.
"Hu Jing doesn't let me drive," she scoffed. "She says I'm not allowed to after what happened last time."
"What happened last time?"
"I don't feel like hearing a speech about being a good citizen or whatever you talk about, so I'll keep that a secret."
"I wasn't going to give you any speeches..."
"Better safe than sorry. By the way, you should really stop giving people speeches. David is right there. He gives better speeches than you. Stop."
The mention of his idol and classmate, David Chiem, put a smile on Xander's face. "Of course David can give better speeches than I can! He's amazing! You should've heard his speech the other day at—"
"Fanboy." Arei rolled her blue eyes. "Just get used to him already."
"I am used to him—"
"Doesn't look like it." She lowered her voice and put on her fake and terrible British accent. "Oh, David, be my partner for this project, love! David, look at these fish and chips I made for you! It'd be great if David could see me right now, innit? I need to give this bottle of water to David right now! David, David, David, David!"
All the reminders Xander had been giving himself to not get annoyed were immediately forgotten. "First, I don't sound like that! Second, your excuse of a British accent is just you not pronouncing the T's. Third, you know I've never said anything you think I say. I swear, you're the most annoying and selfish prick I've ever—"
A sniff interrupted his dialogue. Small teardrops started to flow from her eyes as Arei rubbed them away. "Y-You're so mean..."
Xander's heart shuddered. Her tears were fake. She always did that to get what she wanted. He knew that, but he still wanted her to stop. It was how he felt with everyone, but it was different with Arei. Instead of just the general "stop-crying", he had a more specific want. He wanted to comfort her, take back what he said in a hopefully more meaningful way—that probably wouldn't be the case, though—and possibly putting in some physical contact. He couldn't place why it was so different with her.
As usual, he had to ignore that want, mainly because his brain always went into panic-mode the second someone had tears start to show. "Arei, I didn't mean that..."
"Yes, you did. I get it. I'm the most annoying, selfish, pathetic, and ugly prick you've ever met. You never wanted to deal with me, but everyone else forced you to...!" She rubbed her nose against her sleeve, her blue nail polish looking darker than normal.
The car in front of them moved forward a couple of centimetres. Xander moved his car as far as he could, but the car behind them honked anyway. That made the other cars around them to start honking. Xander really couldn't deal with this plus Arei crying in the middle of the night.
He turned around in his seat to look at her from the front. He had to use the only card he had. "Arei, I promise I don't think of you like that. I won't ever call you that ever again. I won't even think about you like that."
She sniffed. Their eyes met in the rearview mirror. Something about the rain, the streetlights, and the surrounding headlights made her blue eyes with fake tears look bigger than normal. "Promise...?"
"I promise." His voice came out quieter than he expected it to. He figured it had to do with how quiet and soft her voice was. That, at the end of the day, was just another part of her tricks.
He turned back to the road as Arei immediately stopped crying and said, "Good. I'll remember this, Xander. If you break it—"
She was interrupted by a car near them honking their horn loud and long enough to probably be heard throughout the country.
She sighed. "Stupid drivers... We get it, it's late, you want to go home, now stop honking your horns and annoying everyone else! It's not doing anything to speed this up!"
Taking a peek at the rearview mirror, he noticed she was scowling. Normally, he didn't think people scowling was good as it showed they were annoyed at something that maybe they shouldn't be annoyed. True to it, he didn't like seeing her scowl, but a small part of him thought the flash of emotion in her eyes and the way her nose scrunched up was adorable.
He was probably tired. That was probably what it was.
Putting his eyes on anything else as the cars inches forward again, Xander asked, "Arei, do you get road rage?"
"Only when I'm the one driving," Arei answered. "Why?"
"You seem like someone who would."
"I'm taking that as an insult."
"It wasn't meant to be an insult."
"It sounded like one."
"Did your road rage make Hu Jing and everyone else decide you can't drive?" Xander asked to make her think about something else.
"I'm not telling you. What happened last time is a secret, Alexander." Arei pronounced his full name slowly like she was trying to make every letter of stick into his brain. He never told her what his full name was, and he always wondered if Teruko Tawaki had something to do with it. She was the only one in their class who knew his full name.
Xander turned his head to the window. Rain splattered onto it as he looked through the darkened windows to the car next to it. A man was asleep in the passenger seat as a woman drove the car. He wondered where they were going, where they came from, and why they were out so late. They, or at least the woman, could be wondering the same thing about him.
"What music do you listen to?" Xander almost jumped at the sound of Arei's voice. She had released herself out of her seatbelt's hold without turning on the sound of the alarm and was leaning over from the back. Her head was near his, her hair falling over the side her face as she searched through his glove box.
"Stop looking through my stuff!" Xander swatted her hand away. He was a second too late from her opening one and finding a charger.
She grabbed it before he could stop her and inspected it. "This one won't charge my phone. Useless." She dropped it in the passenger seat.
"You could at least put it back..." His grumbles went ignored, so he had to put it back.
"Where's your phone?" Arei asked. "Do you have, like, any streaming services? I wanna listen to something. Play some British song."
"I left my phone at home—"
"Who leaves their phone at home? What is this, the 2000's?"
"We're not listening to music," Xander said. "Sit down before someone sees you."
"We're going at one metre per hour. No one cares." As if she was trying to prove her point, she straightened her back while still sitting in between the passenger and driver seat. He had to tilt his head up to talk to her.
"What if we get into a car crash?"
"How bad are you at driving that we get in a car crash when we're barely moving? At that point, I'd take my chances with Ace driving while Levi does his scary stuff sitting in the passenger seat, Arturo sitting next to J in the backseat taking about J's mom, and Teruko's in the trunk here for her bad luck."
"Why is Teruko in the boot?"
"'Boot?'"
"Trunk," he quickly corrected. "Why is she in the trunk?"
"British people." Her nose scrunched to show disgust, but he knew she didn't actually feel that way. Maybe that knowledge was the reason why that simple act tugged on his heart. "There's no more room in the backseat, and Teruko has to be somewhere if I'd rather risk being in a car with her than you. Oh, yeah, if Arturo and J sit in the backseat with me, I don't have enough room to stretch my legs..."
"I was wondering why you sat in the backseat instead of the front."
He expected Arei to say something about her choices in car seating arrangements, but instead, she asked, "You have a tongue piercing?"
Xander was confused for a second before realizing she didn't know he had one. "Oh, yeah, I do. My old school had a strict rule that didn't allow any piercings, so I pierced my tongue. If a teacher walked by, all I have to do is close my mouth."
He stuck out his tongue so she could see his lip piercing better. The actual lip piercing wasn't anything special, but it was the act of getting one that was. To him, it was an act to fight against the rules that didn't make sense. That was his job! He pulled his tongue back into his mouth so he could explain what he was thinking back then when he noticed Arei expression.
It was oddly unreadable. She always kept the emotions she wanted others to see on the surface, so having a blank face was weird. Her eyes were trained onto his lips, and for a few seconds, silence took over. Then, her eyes lifted off his lips to his eye. He wasn't sure if it was just him or if she truly did stiffen ever so slightly, but he wasn't going to ask. The atmosphere between them felt...different. Like a blink alone could ruin whatever was going on between them. Not like he knew what was going on between them.
Xander wasn't sure how long they stayed like that. It felt like hours. It was probably no more than a few minutes, though, especially when the car behind them honked their horn. He turned to the road and realized he could move forward.
Arei slipped into the passenger seat when the car honked. After he moved the car as far as he could, he forced himself to expand the suddenly uncomfortable silence for a second to try to get used to it. He couldn't, so he asked, "I thought you didn't like sitting there."
She shrugged. "I like it. It's just that I like stretching my legs out more. There's not enough room here, and I can't even lay down."
"If you're sitting here now, put your seatbelt on."
Surprisingly, she listened. His surprise could only be held for a few seconds before she started rummaging around in his glove box again.
"I told you to stop looking through my stuff!" He swatted at her hands again.
"Why? Do you have something to hide, Xander Matthews? Do you have drugs in here? Porn magazines? Condoms? Were you planning—"
"I don't have any of those, and I wasn't planning anything!" Even though the streetlights and the headlights made it relatively easy to see, he hoped it was too hard for her to see how red his cheeks were.
"That's what they all say." She took a five-second break before going back to it.
To focus on something that wouldn't give him a headache, Xander looked out the window to see if he could see the man and the woman who were in the car next to them, but they were gone. A new car was there was two new people. They were a different man and woman. From what it looked like, they were having a lively conversation with each other, one filled with laughter and smiles. He couldn't make out what they were talking about, but they looked like they were enjoying each other's presence.
"Xander, say, 'Cheese!'"
"Huh?"
When Xander turned his head towards Arei, he found her holding his phone towards his face, unlocking it with facial I.D. Before he could stop her, she went back to the backseat and went through his phone, keeping it out of his reach. She readjusted her seatbelt to be around her again as she said, "Liar, liar, liar," each "liar" getting a shake of her head. "You said you kept your phone at home, but it's right here? I knew no one kept their phone at home nowadays! What kind of things are you hiding in here?"
"Nothing, now give me my phone back!" He tried to reach for it from the driver seat, but his seatbelt stopped him from getting too far.
"I'm only checking what music you listen to." She showed him the phone screen briefly as proof. When she turned it back to herself, she stayed silent as she scrolled through. He wasn't sure why he felt nervous about her knowing what he listened to, but he did. After a minute, she smiled and said, "You would listen to this."
The smile on her face and her voice were different than everything he got used to with her. It was small and gentle, and her voice was soft with no hint of teasing. They worked together to give her a look of sweet understanding. It was unusual, considering who it was coming from, but she looked so pretty that he couldn't look away.
He wished he had the photographic memory of their classmate, Rose Lacroix. Just remembering that look on her face would be enough, but if he also received her artistic skills, then it would be even better. Being able to paint how to the light from their surroundings hit her, how the screen reflected on her eyes, how her being in his car like it was the most natural thing in the world would be a dream. He could even frame it somewhere and show off the moment he realized—
No, he didn't realize anything.
Arei leaned down and opened her backpack. She shuffled through it until she pulled out earbuds. Despite already having headphones still resting on her shoulders, she plugged the earbuds into his phone and said, "I'm listening to your playlist now. How much time do we have left until we get home?"
Xander forced his eyes back to the road. The car in front of him moved farther than before, and even with the rain, he could see that there was less traffic not that far up ahead. "Once we make it past here, we should be home in around two and a half hours."
"That's enough time to listen to your playlist. I'm telling you my opinions on it tomorrow—and you better care about them." She put her earbuds in, leaned back against the car seat, and closed her eyes. Even though he couldn't tell what she was thinking, she looked more peaceful than normal.
The construction site was coming to an end. In less than half an hour, he should be able to drive more freely. The rain would be a little bit of a bother, but it was nothing he couldn't handle. He already had Arei inside his car. But then again, his mind went back to the sweet smile on her face every time he thought of her. He would happily deal with her if it meant he got to see that smile more.
As time went on, their car made it further through traffic. They just about reached the end when Xander felt someone nudge his shoulder. He looked over and saw Arei sitting in between in the driver seat and the passenger seat and holding out one of her earbuds.
He hesitated, but he took it. Once he did, she sat on the passenger seat and put the seatbelt on wordlessly. He still hadn't put the earbud in his ear yet.
"You need to stop moving so much," he said.
"I'll stop now," she replied. "We're actually moving, so you can get into a car crash now."
"I don't want to get into one."
"Good, I don't either. If you do and I die but you live, I'm haunting you." Her eyes flashed as she looked at him. "And if you try to haunt me if I'm alive but your dead, I'm exorcising you in the most painful way possible."
"I don't want to kill us both, so I guess we both have to live."
"Good thing we agree on that."
Xander realized he still hadn't put the earbud in. When he did, he realized his playlist was playing. His phone sat between them as music went through to both of them. Arei was looking out the window with that unreadable expression she had when she found out he had a lip piercing.
Xander wasn't sure what to think of it, but he had to drive right now. He wasn't risking any haunting from Arei. She could push anyone's buttons, but she would make for a cute ghost.
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supercantaloupe · 1 year ago
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rent in concert thoughts
rent has never sounded this good musically speaking. HUGE fan of the symphonic orchestrations. bro they got a harp and an english horn in there. in RENT! it's perfect
plus the sweeping strings and big brass sound reminds me so much of the orchestrations of the golden age and mid-late 20th century musical theater orchestration style and i have such a soft spot for that, i really really enjoyed that much
conductor was a ton of fun to watch he was just grooving up there on the podium the whole time
i love that they did a short orchestral medley as an overture at the top of the concert. do not love that the audience chattered away during the whole first part of it but i haven't yet perfected my mind powers to be able to shut them the hell up yet. alas.
dear gd when the audience started to clap along at the beginning of la vie boheme i was like. SHUT THE FUCK UP. thankfully it petered out fairly quickly but like what were you guys THINKING
actually i think opera has spoiled me a bit now because the audience needing to stop and clap and cheer for So Long after Every Single Number. kind of exhausting lmao. let's get on with it guys.
performance wise ali stroker was the star. i went in expecting that. and i was right <3 her delivery of "'THE ONLY WAY OUT IS UP!!!' she whispered." or whatever the line was in over the moon was genuinely funny. hard scene to pull off without being extremely annoying about it but ali stroker manages to pull it off! go queen!
there were a lot of wheelchair users in the audience tonight i noticed and i have no doubt a big reason why they were here was to see her. good for them tbh
okay i normally don't like to rag on performers much but i really. did not like the guy who was playing benny LOL. i just did not like whatever he was doing vocally, he sounded like a dollar store jason derulo to me. actually funnily enough my first thought was "he's giving mj the musical" and then i checked the digital program and he was in mj the musical on broadway...lmao. anyway not the vibe for benny imho
also while i don't think the guy playing collins was at all bad, i wish he had more Presence in his low register. the vocal cast as a whole was missing that low bass-y tone and i expect more of that from collins especially which i was very much missing here
very very glad to finally go to a musical and not absolutely need my earbuds to get through it. it did get a little loud at points especially towards the end but nothing that i needed hearing protection for. thank you national symphony orchestra
(of course i went into it as an Orchestra Concert whereas everyone around me went into it as a Musical Performance so. i'm better than them (joke))
although the sound balance was not the best? there were a lot of times it was hard to hear the actors singing clearly over the orchestra. now i understand that it can be tough to mic a singer loud enough to carry all the way over an entire symphony orchestra, and i'm honestly glad they didn't try to solve that problem by upping the amps to an earsplitting level. and honestly with this performance in particular i'm not even upset that the orchestra is covering the singers a little bit because the orchestra is really what i came to hear (besides ali stroker) and the orchestra is just sooooo good here.
still, worth bringing up, especially in the moments where everyone is singing all together, especially multiple lines simultaneously as in will i, christmas bells, and la vie boheme. especially for the ensemble singers, whom you could barely hear at all
i liked the lighting overall too. decent key lighting on the actors. attractive use of color and textures. for a concert performance it was good and surprisingly not obnoxious
also there was a surprising amount cut from the script for this. i've seen in concert performances of things before and i know it can vary a lot from show to show and performance to performance whether it's just the songs or if any of the scenes are kept as well; rent in concert hewed closer to the former in spirit. almost all of the dialogue was cut, as were a few of the "less important" musical numbers (most of the voicemails, we're okay, etc). even a couple of sections within larger, important musical numbers were cut (notably in christmas bells, which disappointed me bc i actually really like that number and was excited to hear the FULL thing with the orchestra. i feel cheated.)
which honestly leads to some. weird plot pacing? like if we're cutting all the voicemails out of act i that's fine but then they have alexi darling's voicemail from voicemail #3 there in act ii (but still none from the parents anywhere), and it comes out of nowhere. joanne's mini-reprise of we're okay in happy new year A doesn't really land the same when we're okay was cut entirely from act i too. and the entire collins and angel relationship is like ??? when they cut the scene of collins getting beat up in the beginning (but they kept angel meeting and helping him, of course), as well as cutting their section in christmas bells. like ??
honestly the near-complete excision of dialogue is really funny to me cause it feels like they were trying to solve the problem of rent having a messy plot by just. removing the plot entirely. and gd help you if you were watching and weren't already intimately familiar with the plot of rent as it's supposed to go because it was IMPOSSIBLE to follow from this version lmao. and yet they somehow managed to make the little bit of plot (loose as it is) that remains even more confusing and weirdly paced. incredible. zero notes
anyway tldr ali stroker good national symphony good LOVE these orchestrations and i hope that overture/medley becomes a pops concert staple or something
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stitching-in-time · 3 days ago
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Voyager rewatch s6 ep13: Virtuoso
Yet another Doctor episode. I really wish Voyager hadn't devolved into the Seven and Doctor show in later seasons, but here we are. At least this one is pretty inconsequential, and has a few funny moments. The Doctor is still obnoxious in it, but I do feel kinda bad for him at the end.
This is the one where Voyager encounters a race of aliens, the Qomar, who have never heard of music before, and they become obsessed with the Doctor once they hear him singing. Lots of silliness ensues, with their entire planet basically becoming his fanclub. This being the Doctor, of course it goes to his head, and he acts like more of a diva than usual, but honestly, he's not even that much worse, because his baseline of obnoxious diva behavior is already way up there lol.
I'm no fan of the Doctor, but I thought the crew was a little too mean to him from the get go in this one. Sure, it was going to his head, but since they were only going to be there for a few days, I don't understand why they wouldn't just let him enjoy being fawned over for a while- at least they didn't have to do it! Considering how much a needy man-baby he can be, letting him have his distraction seemed like an ideal situation to keep him out of their hair. Once he started neglecting his sickbay duties, I can see why Janeway would be upset, but before that, none of them had any reason to be as condescending as they were toward him. (I guess his general behavior toward everyone could be reason enough, but without showing a specific reason, it just made it look like they were being jerks.)
But anyway, the Doctor gets swept up in his newfound fame, with autograph signings, fangirls trying to get to him, and fanmail overloading Voyager's comm system. (The little conversation in astometrics where Janeway explains the concept of fandom to Seven felt like it was bordering on being a bit of a dig at Voyager fans- most of Janeway's response seemed fondly amused, but when they made her say that wanting to know celebrities probably just makes ordinary people feel more important, that felt a little condescending. I think the writers on Voyager, and a lot of show tbh, tend to forget that it's those 'unimportant' ordinary people who made their show a success- they wouldn't have the cushy job they have if those annoying little fans weren't interested in and engaged with the art they're creating. Star Trek, especially, wouldn't have even survived beyond it's first or second season if it weren't for fans back in the sixties starting letter writing campaigns to keep it on the air, and it wouldn't have turned into a giant franchise with movies and spin-off series if it weren't for fans keeping it alive with their conventions and zines during the decade after it was cancelled. Of all the media franchises out there, Star Trek owes the most to it's fans. And I feel the shows and movies tend to be the least good when their creative teams forget that Star Trek belongs to us just as much, if not more, than to them. But I digress!)
The Doctor feels unappreciated by the Voyager crew, and when the alien woman he's been working with, Tincoo, writes him a song to sing, and asks him to leave Voyager and stay on her planet, he decides to accept her offer.
This is frankly the most WTF thing he's ever done, and just goes to show, once again, that the Doctor truly doesn't love or care about anyone on that ship. To just up and leave forever, the only home he's ever known, all the people he's spent his entire life with, never to see them again, to go live on a strange planet with people he only met three days ago, is completely bonkers. Aside from the fact that he doesn't seem to feel any responsibilty about leaving Voyager without a doctor, he also doesn't seem to think that never seeing or speaking to any of his friends again is a big deal, nor to realize that he'll cause them pain by leaving them. Even when the Captain flips out over his resignation, he still doesn't seem to think, or seem to care, that she cares about him, even though she only agrees to let him go because she's his friend and wants him to be happy. Seven really flips out (in fact, it seemed like they were playing it it like she was in love with him, which was weird and totally WTF territory) but the Doctor is still unmoved by how much he's clearly hurting her feelings by leaving. The Doctor honestly just thinks none of his friends really like him, but doesn't even stop to think why they might be? He never even thinks that maybe if he were less rude and condescending that they might be nicer to him in return? That they must actually like him a lot if he's such a jerk all the time and they still don't want him to go?? But of course he doesn't, the Doctor doesn't seem to think deeply about anyone but himself, and his immediate desires.
That the Doctor is convinced that he and his Qomar fangirl lady are in love after only three days, and tells her that they've been the most stimulating three days of his life, is also kind of WTF, especially after the previous episode, where he left behind a wife and son after three years! I still can't wrap my brain around that not being a big, life changing experience that would deeply affect him and change his outlook for years to come. But here it is, one episode later, and it hasn't even changed him for, like, the week to come! I didn't start out hating the Doctor, and I didn't ever want to, but the writing they're giving him just makes him out to be a truly awful, shallow person, and it's a real shame that that's the way his character went. But they crushed him so hard here that it would have been impossible for anyone with a heart to not feel a little bit bad for him.
After accepting Tincoo's offer to stay, she tells him she has a surprise for him- she's created a new hologram version of him, with an even greater vocal range, to stay and sing her compostions, so that he can stay on his ship. He's confused and disappointed to realize she only liked him for his singing ability, and that she has no interest in him now that she has a superior singing hologram. The Doctor goes back to Voyager to desperately ask B'Elanna to modify his program to sing outside humanoid vocal range, and even delete all his medical knowledge if she has to. Despite having been hurt by the Doctor's incredibly mean and racist dig at her musical taste earlier in the episode, B'Elanna still shows him compassion in that moment. She points out that having to change everything he is to get someone to like him won't bring him happiness. The Doctor realizes she's right, and that the adoration of the Qomar was nothing more than a craze for the novelty he provided them, not actual care for him as a person.
When he goes down to the planet for his farewell concert, he tries to explain to Tincoo that music is about more than mathematics, it's about the unique passion each performer brings to their art, but this falls on deaf ears for Tincoo and her mathematically inclined people. When he sings an impassioned song for the audience on the planet, they're unimpressed, but when Tincoo's new hologram sings a more mathematically complex song in his super-human vocal range, they go wild, and forget about the Doctor instantly.
The Doctor then goes back to Voyager with his tail between his legs to ask Captain Janeway to be reinstated after his resignation. They had Janeway acting bizarrely catty toward him in this scene, which I don't really understand, since he's obviously contrite, and realizes his mistake this time. This is the one time I really felt like the narrative gave him enough negative consequences for his actions that he didn't deserve more punishment on top of that. It makes no sense, and it's a little out of character for Janeway to act that way toward a member of her crew, but at least she agrees to reinstate him, and tells him to resume all his usual activities, including his singing. It's a nice way of affirming that Janeway and the crew do actually appreciate the Doctor for everything he is. I'd like to believe the Doctor learned a lesson this time, but from subsequent episodes, I know he didn't really change. Still, as far as Doctor episodes go, this one was less insufferable than most. (Except for that dig at B'Elanna, that was offensive, and he should have apologized. I actually remember that particular line as being the first thing that made me start to dislike the Doctor back when I was still a kid. B'Elanna has never sung a drinking song ever, let alone a Klingon one- and everyone who knows her knows how sensitive she is about her Klingon heritage after getting bullied for it as a child. That he would use that against her just to get a cheap shot in is so unbelievably insensitive and uncaring, and yes, racist. That isn't something that should pass between two main characters who are supposed to be friends without an on screen apology.)
A few little things of note in this ep: the random guest appearance of Paul Williams in a small role as the Qomar leader, who played Swan in the cult classic movie 'Phantom of the Paradise', and who also composed many hit songs including 'The Rainbow Connection', which is one of my faves. I also picked out one of the background Qomar in the audience as being the same actor who appeared in the 'Angel One' episode of The Next Generation a decade before this, and he was also the actor under the makeup playing the genderless version of Data's daughter Lal in the ep 'The Offspring'. (The matte painting of the Qomar city was also used before in Star Trek- they def used it on Voyager already for the Krenim city, but it might actually have originated with a Next Gen ep, though I'm not sure which.)
Tl;dr: A comedy episode that once again painted the Doctor as a shallow narcissist, but at least attempted to give him some negative consequences for it, for once.
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goblin-enjoyer · 4 months ago
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Uh homestuck review type thingy before i go to bed.
reading homestuck has definitely been a trip. having to deal with and figure out how to work with some signs of old internet age, despite using the collection. trying to download some kind of app only for it to work worse than the main one. having to go to the original site as some of the more special links didn't work on the unofficial collection. having to sync up music. all these and probably more I had to deal with to read homestuck. definitely got me more invested ill tell you that much! liked a decent chunk of the humor, disliked another decent chunk of it as well, am neutral on other jokes n' such. some of the stuff early on doesn't age well but it gets better the farther you get in. the 4th wall stuff and all the non main story stuff swung a pendulum (hekekkek) between very fun and enjoyable to grading and annoying. I liked most of the characters though a few I wish got more screentime and interactions and a few I wish were a bit less president in some parts. the "shipping" stuff was inherently confusing and at times annoying for me, nothing stable, often felt like some pairings, both friend and relation ship, could be in the forefront in one part but then completely dissipate over a timeskip. though i will admit i did get somewhat interested at around the end when things were starting to get more stable. (favorite pairings friendship or relationship go as follows: terezi and dave. some of my favorite characters with a great dynamic, really wish they got to interact more, even after the offscreen hook up and break up. > Rose and Kanaya. great solid pairing to the end! also could have used a bit more time for development, but overall better off than most. they work really well as a dynamic duo. > John and Vriska. eh I could take or leave the relationship but I did like their friendship and wish their interactions didn't end so abruptly as they did) Speaking of confusing things, time travel. I feel like that and the fact that this is a early to mid 2010s webcomic should clue you in to how confusing this aspect can be at times.
Overall thoughts: I liked quite a bit of it, though I also disliked a decent few chunks of it. unlike most things I cant quite say I'm neutral on homestuck. not actively positive, yet not actively negative. but I still have some feelings on the thing, I just cant really make them out as the line between "thing I like enough to start putting the characters in situations" and "thank goodness I'm finally done with this piece of crap". Would I recommend reading it, even if you get it working better than I can? no, not at all. Did I enjoy reading it? other than a few issues, Yes! it was fun to read and experience, a real bit of ancient internet history and time capsule from right around the time i was first exploring the internet as a wee unknowing child of roughly 7-13. despite not going around that area much at the time, it still felt a bit nostalgic reading an mspaint internet comic from that era. an enjoyable romp threw a time before the internet was as part of daily life as it is today, while not quite being from back from the dawn of the thing. Reading homestuck definitely had me in awe with hindsight at times with finding out how deep its roots were in the internet. I will never roam the internet the same way again. but i think I've rattled on about homestuck being stuck in that sweet spot of old internet for too long so ill try and give my summarizing words here without going off on side rambles for too long, its like 2:30 am and i should probably try and get my sleep schedule back after having it messed up for like a week. (thank you eternally obnoxious BRAIN. and to a lesser extent the new world of warcraft expansion and homestuck cliffhangers)
Summary of sorts: I wouldn't call homestuck "good" but I wouldn't call it "bad" either. It is confusing, annoying and doesn't work half the time but when it does it oozes with charm, humorous bits that can crack open the core of anyone who likes older memes and internet humor and great music that gets stuck in playlists but not in your head. (in a good way) I would not recommend reading it as it takes time, effort and patience for a variety of things as well as a high tolerance for a bunch of stuff I'm getting to tired to mention. but i am glad I experienced it and I doubt you would too if you did dropkick my and many others warnings into a ditch and read the accursed thing. heck your on tumblr, you probably already accustomed to humor like that in homestuck! I don't know how to finish this so here's a funny skeleton gif to tide yall over as I go spellcheck everything and go write the tags.
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tragediaandcomedia · 9 months ago
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#okay so honestly I wish he hadn't tweeted this but. people Are obnoxious in his mentions#And not just in an anti billionaire way. There are a lot of people making fun of ppl for just being fans or whatever and like. I don't like#that either. 'I didn't say it was good I just said I like it' is fine and those ppl are being made fun of.#What really deserves the clowning is the replies to his tweet because. *Some* genuinely seem to think ts is terribly#overhated. despite yknow. being the biggest star ever rn. like wtf are you on. She is not being oppressed for this somehow shut uppp.#Afaik john does not agree with those things in particular because he's generally conscious of that privilege but#I think he's probably just sick of people insulting him for his interest (one he shares with his daughter) and I can't blame him#we do not treat celebrities like real people with feelings online#if anyone disagrees w/ my tags that's fine. I'm just offering my insight if anyone wants it hi prev im not letting your tags stay tags actually cause you're so right and should say it. celebrities cant be people with interests because their existence has to be in every way decrying or supporting each other. people cant like music for music they have to think about the implications of every aspect of the music they consume. just let a guy enjoy his music in peace man
John Green wakes up every day and says I will embarrass myself online
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withahappyrefrain · 2 years ago
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Pad See Ew and Parking Spots
The last thing you need while sick is the equivalent of a Hangnail over.....or is it?
Another entry to the Parking Spots Universe read part 1 and part 2!
Warnings: Banter, teasing, Jake being an absolute simp, no y/n but reader's nickname is Venus
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Your head felt like someone had filled it with cotton and was pressing down. Stuffed and fuzzy, the pressure on your sinuses made turning your head a labor of work.
The constant pressure on your face made it impossible to enjoy the unexpected time off from work, as watching TV was too strenuous.
Instead, you put yourself on bed rest, trying to find a comfortable spot so you could close your eyes and nap.
Just when sleep was within reach, the loud vibrations of your phone ringing pulled you out of your moment of peace.
Pushing away the used tissues and weighted blankets, you found your phone, the name of the caller lighting up.
Human Hangover.
Of course. It's like he had a sixth sense, always able to annoy you at the worst possible time.
You put the phone back in the midst of pillows, allowing it to continue to ring. Sure, you could text him, but why should you?
You were getting too close anyways.
During the last parking lesson, you actually smiled at the Men's Health poster child.
It wasn't even something you noticed yourself doing. He just looked so fucking ridiculous, blasting 'Venus' by the Bananarama in his dumb Jeep as he waited for you to walk up.
You had half a mind to turn around and shut the door. He was ridiculous, bobbing his head up and down to the music, giving you an exaggerated wink.
Had he not said anything, you wouldn't have gone the whole night not realizing what you had done.
But he was obnoxious, so naturally he had to let out a breathless wow as he leaned his head against the steering wheel with stars in those sea green eyes.
"What?" You asked, rolling your eyes as you got into the passenger seat.
"Your smile."
The worst thing was that you couldn't even muster up a sneer, an eye roll, a snarky remark.
Instead, a warm flush had overtaken your cheeks due to his statement. His stupid, corny words were having an effect on you, one that didn't give you an immediate migraine.
As fun as it was to get free dinners, have picnics on the beach, and take jabs at him, it had gone too far. You found yourself that night looking at his lips much longer than you ever intended.
So getting sick was actually perfect. You would ignore him, giving him that final push to go talk to the long list of other girls who were waiting for him. Girls that would let him into their beds, let him treat them as a hump and dump.
Sure, his patience was admirable-you truly thought after the third date-parking lesson- he would finally get the hiny. But he was just playing a long game. As soon as you'd let him in, he'd leave. Therefore, you should leave first. It was perfect.
You downed some NyQuil and put your phone on silent. A pang of guilt flared up in your chest when you saw the several missed calls.
It was for the best. The last thing you wanted, nay, the last thing you needed, was another person to remind you that you're only good enough for a fuck, not a relationship.
So you swallowed the guilt and closed your eyes, finally able to drift off to sleep.
Whether minutes or hours had gone by, you couldn't say. The loud banging on your door not only woke you up, but caused your heart rate to skyrocket and your blood to run cold.
Who the fuck…..
You had half a mind to pull the covers over your head. But something in the back of your head told you that the pounding wouldn't cease.
Using all your strength, you willed yourself out of bed, pushing away the covers and used tissues, grabbing your glasses to clear your vision. Slowly but surely, you made your way through your apartment to the entrance door.
Upon opening it, you immediately wished you had stayed in bed.
“Oh my god, you’re ok-wow, you look rough. Are you okay? Are you sick?”
“I can see why the navy kept you, your observation skills are astounding,” you deadpanned. Your reflexes were too slow, bogged down by the cold you had, allowing Hangover to prevent the door from closing on him.
“Why are you out of bed, you should be sleeping!” He said, sounding closer to your mother than his usual obnoxious self.
“I was doing that until you came,” you gritted out between your teeth.
Jake stopped dead in his tracks, “You wear glasses.”
Fuck.
Jake didn't think it was possible to find you more attractive. But you wear glasses apparently. Why don't you wear them more often?
"Yes, I also have exactly one head if you didn't know by now," you rolled your eyes, "Officer Hangover-"
"Lieutenant."
"Lieutenant Hangover, is there anything I can help you with? Because right now my priority is getting better-"
You stopped as you felt one of his hands gently press against your forehead. When did his eyes get so bright and intense? You had to look away from his stare.
"You're burning up," he murmured, his voice low and deep. God, you hated his voice. How it was smooth like whiskey, topped off with that slight drawl.
His stupidly large fingers gently grasped your chin, the cool metal of his class ring grazing your skin. Before you could comment, he titled your jaw up, forcing you to look at him and his ridiculous eyes.
"We gotta get you to bed V."
"That's what I was trying to do before you- hey!" Embarrassment flooded you as he picked you up like it was nothing. Within seconds, he was carrying you bridal style
"Put me down Seresin!" Jake couldn't help but smile at your words. Seresin. It was his last name, but you were calling him by one of his names.
Progress.
"Y-you're gonna get sick, put me down!"
"I'm in the military. I've had every vaccine known to man and then some."
You tried to jerk away from the circles his fingers were drawing on your back. Instead, your face landed right into his chest, the smell of cedar wood so strong, you could smell it faintly through your stuffed nostrils.
You pretended to gag, needing something to distract you from the fact he just picked you up so damn easily and was able to maneuver your body like it weighed nothing.
"Y'know how I can tell that you worked at Hollister? You douse yourself in that damn cologne." You mumbled against his broad chest.
Jake shrugged, "You don't complain."
He had a point, and that was the worst part.
"I-I need to sleep," you mumbled, something Jake found adorable.
"That's what I'm doing." Suddenly your back was touching your mattress. The hand Jake had on the back of your skull (when did that happen) gently guided your head to your pillow. His hands moved to your glasses, gently taking them off and placing them on your nightstand.
"How….how did you even find my bedroom? Are you stalking me?" Your weighted blanket was pulled over your chest, bringing warmth to your shivering body.
Jake chuckled, "You live in a one bedroom apartment. I'd be worried if I couldn't find your bedroom."
You knew you were ill because Crimson Chin was making sense. He needed to leave and you clearly needed more NyQuil.
A snarky comment was about to leave your lips when it was silenced by his hand gently tracing the skin on your cheek. Fuck, why was he so touchy? It was weird and you hated it, given the fluttering your stomach was currently experiencing.
"Just sleep, okay? I got ya Venus."
No, he most certainly did not. You two weren't anything, he was just some weirdo who couldn't park for shit and looked at you like he was seeing the wide open starry sky for the first time.
You were adorable sleeping. The way your lips were slightly parted, a cute little snore escaping from your mouth.
Jake could stare at you sleeping all day. He was quite tempted to, but he had other things he needed to do.
—----------------------------------------
"Hey, Venus. Wake up." When did you fall asleep? How long had it been?
Given that the sun was now setting, it couldn't have been too long, right?
Regret filled your entire being when you opened your eyes.
"What the hell are you doing here?!" The human persona of regret and annoyance was in your fucking bedroom.
"How much NyQuil did you take?" He asked, quirking an eyebrow.
"Clearly not enough, as it didn't keep me from waking up to a nightmare."
He let out that low chuckle that made you so angry, your face heated up, "A nightmare? Most folks usually refer to me as their savior."
"It's been made pretty well known that the United States government doesn't have the greatest judgment, so I don't know why you're counting them."
Jake shrugged as he sat at the edge of your bed. It was then you noticed that he had one hand behind his back.
You reached for glasses, putting them back on. It took everything in Jake to stick to his plan and not tell you how absolutely stunning you looked.
He definitely needed to come up with a plan regarding getting you to wear your glasses more often.
"Well, I think this will change your mind," He grinned as he revealed what he was hiding behind his broad, well-defined back.
Your brows knit together in confusion as you stared at his hand. You look up at his face, then back down.
A container of Pad See Ew.
The question why forms on your tongue. It dies before it can even leave your lips, as memories of your first parking lesson flood back to you.
How could he…..better yet, why would he? Why remember such a minute detail, especially one that was a rare situation?
"I'm not going to sleep with you." Tension fills your body as you shift away from him. The air in your lungs feels constricted, almost as if part of you felt regret over your words.
It was the part of you that you had tried to squash so many times; the part that still had hopeless, naive dreams about being wanted. The part of you that always led to heartbreak whenever you followed it.
"Is that all you think I want?" His voice is soft.
Jake's not angry. If anything, he's fucking concerned because he thought that within the past month, he's made it pretty dog-gone clear he was crazy about you. That he thought the world of you.
Maybe Javy was wrong and he should have shown her the list of potential baby names he had saved on his phone. Perhaps that would have convinced you-
"Why else would you remember such a stupid detail?" You wanted to believe your anger was directed at him. But deep down, you knew it was also directed at all the jerks before him, the ones who made it impossible for you to enjoy a nice gesture.
Because it was never just to be nice.
"Because it's important and I enjoy listening to you?" It comes out as a question, though Jake's more so questioning why you find it so hard to believe that he wouldn't pay attention to you.
"I-I always remember what you say-the jokes and the non-jokes," He's trying to reassure you, but all you do is move away from him.
"You're wasting your time, Hagman. Just cut your losses now and go talk to the other girls who are dying to let you into your pants."
Your words are sour, much like the cold medicine you had taken hours ago.
"Why do you think that's all I want from you?" The tone he's using is new to you; it's not just soft, but there's a sadness that hangs around his words.
You shrug, your eyes now focused on your nails, "It's all anyone wants from me."
Jake's mind is now filled with the potential scenarios that would have led you to say such a thing, to believe such a ridiculous thing about yourself.
He has to remind himself to put down the container of food so he doesn't crush it out of anger or worse, spill it on your comforter.
"Who told you that?" You ignore his words, your brain too busy scolding you.
Why did you ever say yes to him? Why did you think you could control yourself? Stupid, stupid, stupid! You get yourself hurt every damn time.
"Hey," his hand on your shoulder breaks you out of the trance, "Who the fuck told you that?"
You jerk away at his touch. Why was he making this so damn difficult?
"No one had to tell me, I was able to figure it out pretty quickly when every attempt I've made at a relationship ends with the other person leaving me after they get bored."
Your eyes refuse to look at him; you can't. Not when memories of goodbyes over text messages and it's just not working, sorry are replaying in your head, mixed with flashbacks of nights where the loneliness was so overpowering, you cried yourself to sleep, desperate for something, anyone, to make the heartache just stop.
It was why not feeling was easier.
"Just stop wasting your time and leave me alone." There's a bitterness lacing your words as you spit them out. Your knees are brought to your chest, forcing your back to straighten.
Of course you're bitter. You dreamed about love, how great it would be to find someone to spend the rest of your life with. As a child, you didn't imagine your wedding but rather being married.
The world was cruel in the "lessons" it taught you. Not that you took them to heed, as now you were using all your willpower to not cry in front of the latest mistake.
It's an attempt to make yourself look stronger, tougher, not fragile. Jake knows it because it's what he's done so many times for God knows how long.
The front you put up is like staring at his own reflection. Deflect, make a snarky comment, and then push everyone away. No one can see that you're imperfect if no one is around.
Anger fills his body. Not at you, but at the fact he wasn't able to meet you before all those idiots filled your head with the idea that you weren't good enough. Angry that he couldn't go and beat those assholes up for making you think you weren't worthy of anyone's time.
So instead, he scoots his hand closer to you; not on your skin, but close enough to feel his presence.
"Look, I recognize I can't go and beat those assholes up for being the biggest idiots I've never even met," maybe if your thoughts hadn't consumed you, you would have chuckled at his words.
Maybe.
Jake Seresin isn't the best with words. Or emotions. Always was told they were bad (thanks Dad).
But like hell if he's going to just sit there and let you think that he doesn't think the world of you.
So, he swallows all the doubt trying to creep into his mind and is honest.
"But, I can tell ya this. I like you. A lot. Everyone on base is telling me I need to go get my head checked, but I know it's just because being with you on the ground is the closest I've felt to flying."
"And yes," he sees the way you look at him, question forming on your tongue, "I did compare being with you like flying. It's my life and I don't know…..I always thought it would just be my life and then I met you in that parking lot and you're bright and passionate and always say what's on your mind and I don't know I just....I want to do shit with you. Like take you to dinner and watch movies and bake cookies."
"You can bake?" No, that wasn't what you took away from his declaration (something you thought only was a thing in movies). But you needed more time to process what he had just said.
"Every year my mom puts on a Christmas Eve dinner and goes balls to the walls with cookies. My siblings and I always got roped into helping her, so we learned all her recipes. Of course, since I was the youngest, I mainly watched and stole spoonfuls of the dough until I was sixteen. But I can make her famous snickerdoodle cookies with my eyes closed."
It was then you noticed that when he smiled, the corners of his eyes creased.
It was endearing. Absolutely, completely endearing. His smile was comforting, like a warm fire on a winter night.
"Earl gray and lavender."
His brow knitted together in confusion; was it at your statement or that there was a small sliver of a smile when you finally looked at him?
"That's my specialty cookie," you explained as you reached for a tissue to wipe your nose, "I'll show you some time. Preferably when I'm not full of mucus and snot."
Some time. As in, you wanted to see him in the future. Show him a part of you.
"I'd like that a lot," he passed you the box of tissues.
The silence isn't uncomfortable. It's nice, serene even.
The small meow of your cat, Rugleach's way of alerting you that she was about to jump on your bed broke the quietness.
"Hey girl," Jake said to her, leaning down to scratch her chin. Your eyes widened at the sight of your cat, who hated all men, who was now purring and straining her neck to receive more pets from Jake.
Well, if that wasn't a sign.
Fuck.
"So this is the girl with more kills than me?" Jake asked, a cheeky grin adorning his handsome face.
"Yup, that's Rugleach. My protector from mice and birds," You smiled, leaning over to scratch her head, her purring being heard over your sniffles.
"You know," Jake paused, "I do have a security clearance so if you were to give me the names of those asshats , I could-"
"What, do you get a free stalking pass from the NSA?" You snorted.
"Yeah, it's part of my benefits," Jake responds, not missing a beat.
The corners of your mouth turn fully upwards and the most amazing sound comes out.
A laugh.
It's beautiful and melodic, just like you. The corners of your mouth are fully turned upwards, revealing a smile so bright and big, the corners of your eyes crease and your nose scrunches up.
Jake is thankful he's sitting down, but if he wasn't, he would have gotten on one knee and asked you to marry him right then and there.
So instead, he settles for leaning over to gently adjust your glasses that had been crooked.
"With a smile like that, why on earth would anyone let you go?"
His words combined with the tender action left you speechless, realization hitting you like a freight train.
Fuck, he was being sincere.
He was sincere the whole damn time. Ever since you first yelled at him in the parking lot.
A crumbled, used tissue hit his chest.
"Sap," you said, eyeing him with a teasing grin.
"This sap just brought you your favorite sick food. Besides," He leaned in, breath hot on your ear, "You don't seem to be complaining."
"I would never complain about Pad See Ew, Jake" you turned, hoping he couldn't feel how warm your skin was from his proximity.
It's the first time you said his name correctly. He loves it, loves the way you say it, how it rolls off your tongue so naturally. How sweet it sounds coming from your lips. How it’s your way of not just acknowledging what he said, but also how you felt about it.
He’d do anything and everything to hear you say it again.
He handed you the container, along with a pair of chopsticks. In return, you handed him the remote.
"If you put on some American military propaganda film, I'm kicking you out," You told him before taking a bite out of the dish, the noodles and sauce comforting on your throat.
Jake laughed, his hand squeezing your knee, which was a little annoying because it sent more heat through your body, "I mean, I just get really hard when Apocalypse Now comes on, can ya blame me?"
Your eyes couldn't roll back any harder, "That's a movie I've never seen and I know I'm not missing out."
"Wait, you've never seen it?" Jake's emerald eyes narrowed, concern filling them, "it's actually a great movie-not that it's my favorite, I mean, I thoroughly enjoy it but I don't get hard while watching it-"
He was rambling. Gone was the cocky pilot and instead was a guy who looked downright nervous.
You loved it.
"If I weren't so sick, I'd kiss you right now," his lips parted, though no words came out, "You should ramble more often Hangover, it's a good look on you," no attempt was made to hide your smirk at his reddening cheeks.
Jake sees this and it was ridiculously hot but also somehow totally adorable, probably due to the way the tip of your nose was so red from blowing into tissues and he just couldn't help himself.
A hand cradled half of your jaw, tilting your head up, making your lips in the perfect position for Jake Hangover Hangnail Hangman Seresin to kiss you.
You moved your lips against his, as best as you could when holding chopsticks and a plastic container.
His lips were like electricity, coursing through your veins. Your body was frozen, but not due to panic (which was the usual reason).
With anyone else, you would have been pissed that they thought kissing you while you were sick was a good idea. But with Jake….you didn't just expect it, you didn't mind it?
Yeah, you….didn't mind it at all.
Unfortunately, having a stuffy nose made breathing quite difficult, which is why you had to break away.
"You taste like Pad See Ew and NyQuil," Jake commented before pressing his lips against your right cheek. It would have to suffice while air returned to your lungs.
A laugh escaped your lips, "What did you expect? Again, you really should look into suing the government for all the brain cells you lost while in-what's it called? Grid lock?"
"So you do listen to me!"
"Can you not remind me of my mistakes? Thanks," you deadpanned, not minding the chuckle he let out. His lips pressed against your forehead, bringing a small smile to your face.
"Also, if you get sick, you can't blame me. Nor will I feel as inclined to bring you Mac and Cheese," you added before taking another bite of your food.
"I don't ever get sick," He scoffed, making you roll your eyes as you adjusted your glasses.
"That is exactly what someone says before they get deathly ill. I'm not going to figure out parking in a government military base. We're not there yet."
"So what you're saying," he leaned in, his breath once again on your ear and God, he needed to stop doing that or else you will kiss him again and will double his chances of falling ill, "We will get there?"
"You still need to learn how to park, Romeo," you paused, "speaking of which, you parked in the visitor lot, right?"
"No, that's too far away from your building. I just parked in front and hung up my work tag," Jake explained, as if that was the most sensible thing in the world.
"Jake….you can't….you have to park in the visitor's lot or else your car gets towed."
"V, they're not gonna tow someone who clearly works for the military."
"How much ya wanna bet?"
-------------------------------------------
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phoebe-delia · 2 years ago
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Hey, Draco
I got this idea today while listening to "Hey There Delilah" by the Plain White T's because I am nothing if not a fan of 2000s music. Enjoy! (also this is exactly 1k!)
beep
"Hey, Draco—you wanted me to call when I landed. And, er, I landed. I also wanted to say... I know you said that our randomly reconnecting and—what did you call it? 'sharing a night of passion?'—while I was in New York for a holiday is not enough reason to pack up and move over there with you immediately. But I'm just so bloody excited. I've never turned a week's vacation into a month before. I've never gotten off a plane only to want to turn around and buy a one-way ticket. But it's okay. You didn't say no. You just want to take it slow. I can wait. I know I can. As long as it takes."
beep
"Hey, Draco—I just got off work. I'm so bloody tired. Sorry I couldn't call until now. Well, I guess I'm not that sorry, since you're clearly occupied anyway. Because I'm talking to myself. Well, to myself and to some future you who's listening to this. I wonder what future me is doing while you hear this. Probably waiting for you to call me back. What are you waiting for? Call me back already, you git!"
beep
"Hey, Draco—Merlin, I'm tired. It was a long fucking day. It wasn't even the good kind of tired. You know how sometimes after a long day you feel, like, satisfied? I don't think I've felt that way in...I don't remember. My brain is scrambled eggs. I need to go to bed. But I wanted to call you and say hello to your voicemail because I don't have the energy for a normal human conversation. But let's please talk tomorrow. I miss the sound of your voice, and your outgoing message is only so comforting."
beep
"Hey, Draco—last night was so fun. I haven't laughed like that in ages. I'm just glad you couldn't see me cry-laugh like that through the phone. I miss you already. I'm about to make dinner, but I'll call you when I'm eating."
beep
"Hey, Draco—sorry I couldn't talk last night. Ron and Hermione dragged me to the pub and basically interrogated me about why I seem to smile randomly at nothing during the day. I tried to remind them how completely, obnoxiously gone for each other they were at the beginning of their relationship, but then they started pestering me over if I was seeing anyone and who it was and it just—it just came out, okay? I know we said we wouldn't tell people yet but I just. I couldn't help it. My friends said they'd never seen me so happy, and I have a hard time hiding things from them. I hope that's okay. Call me when you get this. Please."
beep
"Hey, Draco—I hope you're asleep right now. I know you had a long day. I just wanted to leave you a message for when you wake up. To tell you I've been thinking about you for—well. Ever since we bumped into each other in line at that coffee shop after not seeing each other for years and you said 'This can't be fucking happening to me,' and I just laughed. So I haven't stopped thinking about you in weeks. Which is a blessing and a curse, really, because thoughts of you distract me from the utterly boring parts of my work day, but when I'm done daydreaming I have to remember that I'm at work and not with you, wiping up spilled coffee and wondering if it's too late to change my flight. I'd much rather think about you all day than do work for even a second."
beep
"Hey, Draco—I thought more about what you said last night. I'm sorry I got...well. I think you'd call it my 'defensive and Gryffindor ego' but I like to think of it as my endearing stubbornness, thanks ever so. Still—I'm sorry. And I thought about it and I think you're right. I'm tired all the time and I'm not having a fun enough time at work to make it worth it. Can you talk? Call me when you can."
beep
"Hey, Draco—I'm doing it tomorrow. Wish me luck."
beep
"Hey, Draco—I did it. I did it, I finally fucking did it. Merlin, you should've seen the look on Robards's face! I'll have to pensive it for you later. God, I have so much adrenaline! I've got the rest of my life to do whatever I want and all the inheritance money I could ever ask for—why on earth did I ever become an Auror? Anyway, call me!"
beep
"Hey, Draco—y'know the thing about being unemployed is that you have a lot of free time on your hands. What am I even supposed to do with my days now? I'm so bored, but at least I can do something about it now. Even though I'd rather do something about it with you."
beep
"Hey, Draco—I don't want to pressure you at all, but it's been six months and I can only handle so many plane rides and portkeys before I start to go a bit mad. Can we please talk about this? I'll still give you time, if that's what you need. But just—let's check in again, okay? I still—my feelings haven't changed."
beep
"Hey, Draco—I really hope you were serious last night. Because I'm buying a ticket right now. I'll see you in a week—thank Merlin for packing spells."
beep
"Hey, Draco—I landed. I'm walking off the plane. I'm in the tunnel thing—the thing you walk through to get on and off, y'know? I'll get a cab and meet you at your flat. I hope the traffic isn't too bad, because I really can't wait to see you and I—oh. Wait, is that—you're here? You're here! You're here at the airport and waving at me. And—and I'm going to hang up now."
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bluospirit · 3 years ago
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SCARY LOVE !! dream
chapter one : prologue.
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# SUMMARY : he cheats on her. she lies and decides whether to stay together or leave and start over
# WARNING : angst.
# PAIRING : dream!clay x fem!oc
# DISCLAIMER : also, i'd like to add, this is completely fictional and in no way do i believe dream himself would act like this in relationship, this is purely for entertainment. MDNI. enjoy my loves <3
masterlist / next chap
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SHE CAN'T LOOK at him.
No matter how many times she commands her eyes to glance at his face, she focuses only on his sweater. her fist clutches the fork in an iron grip, nails biting into the skin of her palm.
"I guess," she begins slowly, but the rest of her words catch in her throat. she shifts her eyes around before honing in on her untouched plate.
she pauses for a moment, takes a deep breath, and attempt to speak again. "I guess I should have expected this."
Lies, her mind hisses. You never expected this. You trusted him.
The light jazz music continues to play in the background. The sounds of the fireplace are loud, the flames licking and crackling against the kindled wood. she wishes her favourite song wasn't playing on the stereo, she would never be able to enjoy Frank Sinatra in the same way.
she wish the lights weren't dim and that the candles didn't emit a scent of mint and vanilla, suffocating her under this false notion of romance and comfort.
she wish that she hadn't spent all day struggling to make both her favourite meal and that he didn't serve it with the fine china her parents bought for him as an engagement gift.
Most of all, she wish she wasn't sitting here, celebrating her fourth Valentine's day with the person who is to be her future husband, having her heart stutter and shatter with every passing second.
"Babe," her partner whispers. his voice cracks as if he is about to cry, and she feels robbed. Those tears should be hers.
Not her boyfriend's. Never her boyfriends.
At this moment, she can do nothing but think. That's what she does best when she's upset or stressed or mad or angry. she thinks.
So, under the circumstance, she begins to think about heartbreak.
she had always found the notion of heartbreak to be obnoxious, dramatic, and overstated. her past relationships never left her wrecked or damaged, only mildly upset. A few bitter, lonely tears here or there, but that was the extent of it.
For the most part, the separations were constructive for future relationships. The retrospect she gained allowed her to reflect on what went wrong, and subsequently, learn from the mistakes.
But now, as she sits here, refusing to meet his devastated expression, eyes glassy with tears streaming down his cheeks, she understands.
she understands the motives behind alcoholism and substance abuse: the desire to flee from one's thoughts and misery. The unrelenting obsession to subdue the pain carved into flesh and bones.
she understands the appeal of reckless sex with unnamed strangers-a means to validate beauty, love, and security in an attempt to try and piece back a shattered soul.
When he opened his mouth again, his breath hitches and she cut him off.
"Don't, Clay." she didn't realize she's shaking until she hears the clatter of her fork against the porcelain plate. she releases the utensil and balls her hands against her thigh.
"I never meant to hurt-" he begin, and then he stop, and she stare at him.
she stares at the face she wake up to every morning. The lips she kisses when she gets in and out of bed. The eyes she gazes into when she is distracted. The nose that cradles her neck when she makes love. The cheeks that press against her own when she hug. The chin that resets on her head or should when he watch her cook or work.
she stares at him, and it hurts so much. As if every breathing is being punched out of her. As if every beat of her heart is being pierced with an unnamed object.
Betrayal, she concludes. That must be the object tearing her heart into pieces, inflicting her to this acute agony.
"Don't you say it?" The words are torn out of her in a low growl. The overdue tears continue to hide, but the rage and betrayal turning in her stomach slowly seep through the surface of her calm demeanour. "Don't you dare say it?"
The venomous tone in her words is like a dull knife carving through him, leaving painful chills and shivers in its wake. he wants to beg for forgiveness, to make his partner shout or scream or hit him. he wants to elicit some reaction, mild or dramatic-just something. Something to hold onto, to fight against, to fight for, but she's the epitome of nonchalance as she takes a sip of wine and looks at him with tortured eyes.
And for some reason, he can't help but hate her for it.
"It was a mistake. You have to believe me."
she doesn't.
he continues to gaze at her partner, at the person he truly loves. she has finally lifted her eyes and is looking at him, but she isn't seeing him, and it hurts him.
"moni, will you please say something?"
his words are barely audible, but she hears the rage as if she's just screeched at the top of her lungs. her hands are no longer shaking, but she feels broken-numb and lifeless.
"What do you want me to say?"
The question is somewhat rhetorical since there is already a plethora of questions floating in her head.
Why did you do it?
Why did you tell me?
How long ago was it?
Do you love her?
Do you love me?
"Anything. Ask me anything— say anything."
That's not what she wants to hear. Then again, she doesn't know what she wants to hear-what could quench the visceral anguish that's burning her alive.
Grabbing her silverware again, she digs into her lasagna. she chews for a long time, in the way she knows he hates. It is somewhat cathartic to rebel against him, even if it's in such a small way, and a semblance of satisfaction washes through her and helps keep her profuse emotions at bay.
she needs to keep up this façade. she can't break in front of him. she won't let him win.
Finally, she speak.
"was she at least a good fuck?"
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