#I wish I could steal penguins

[originalusername3000]

[FOX NEWS] BREAKING: LIBERAL SECRETS UNCOVERED!!

The woke mob doesn’t want you to know this, but you can walk into the zoo and take the penguins home with you. None of the staff will stop you. The police can’t do anything.

[angelyuji]

dear diary

bruce wayne x reader (kinktober week 4)

tw // stalking, kidnapping, voyeurism, masturbation, pattinson!bruce is silly and a cutiepie

18+! minors dni!

november 1 : riddler’s floor has left the city a mess. i can barely hold on, helping the people affected and trying to understand what’s going on with penguin. i can’t focus.

november 5: you’re pretty. you were getting mugged when i came. you looked pretty as you cried, arms wrapped around my neck. i asked if you wanted me to escort you home and you nodded so cutely. you’re apartment was as cute as you, every decoration was an extension of you. you’re so pretty, (y/n).

november 8: i broke into your home when you were at work. i wanted to be closer to you, i want to know things about you no one else does. your apartment smells like you, the shampoo, the detergent, your perfume. i felt myself get overwhelmed as blood rushed down there. it’s hard to keep myself contained. for now, i’ll keep an eye on you. just in case.

november 15: you leave your windows wide open; you always do. you drop your bag on the couch and start your routine. crossing the date off on your calendar with a purple sharpie, you turn on your oven for a store-bought pizza and head to your room. you slowly undress in your bedroom, standing in front of the mirror and checking your face. i can see every curve, every mark on your body. you’re so beautiful. a car horn surprised the both of us, bringing me back to patrol and you start to pull on pajamas. i wish i could touch you, show you how beautiful you are. i’ll come visit tomorrow, to make sure you’re safe.

november 20: the city was restless as thanksgiving neared. i guess even the darkness in the city would panic as the holiday approached. i watched you restlessly flit through the apartment, setting up couches and beds. one moment you were in the living room, setting up coaches, and the next you were in the kitchen, mixing things in pots. i wish i was there with you, helping you, meeting your family… i need to keep my focus on gotham.

november 28: i told myself to leave you alone, but i managed to end up in front of your apartment once again. i’m sure alfred will laugh at me. i watch you with your family, smiling and laughing. i need to feel you. fuck, i need to clear my head.

december 13: i caught myself watching old recordings of you. just one glance at your bare skin and i can feel my resolve crumbling. i wish i could bring you here, so i could just stop thinking of you all the time.

december 20: i dreamt about you. it felt so real. i could feel your soft arms wrapped tightly around my neck as i plow into you, desperate and aching. i woke up hearing your moans in my head and my thighs sticky with my own cum. i felt like i was 13 again, cleaning the sheets while alfred slept. look at what you’re doing to me, (y/n).

december 24: i got careless. i thought i saw you and i got careless, stabbed in the side by a scared kid stealing from an atm. in the haze of blood-loss, i hadn’t realized where i ended up until i saw your eyes peering down at me. “shit.” i heard myself talk without realizing. your warm hands helped me up, and i felt a laugh bubbling out of me as you shoved me through the open window into your apartment. every noise you make is so cute, i barely registered the pain. i felt myself hit the floor when it all went dark.

december 25: the first words you said when i opened my eyes: “merry christmas!” you smile sheepishly, i could feel your hands fixing my bandages. i felt the cowl on my head, untouched, but somehow you had taken off my suit. “sorry, google told me to change them every couple hours, so i bought a bunch of supplies while you were… asleep.” you look away. i try to sit up and you help me settle in.

“why did you help me?” my voice sounded rough and you bring a cup of water to my lips. i drink from the cup, water spills down my chin and you use a hand to wipe it away. i feel my heart skip a beat at the loving touch.

you shrug, “you saved my life before. how could i leave gotham’s knight dying at my fire escape?” i feel a smile pull at my lips. every glance, every involuntary movement, every word, everything about you made my heart swell.

i couldn’t trust my words, so i hum. night comes quickly and you put on a movie, feeding me slowly. it was nice, it was everything i had dreamt of. you are everything i imagined and more… you’re perfect.

december 26: you woke up, confused and scared, screaming at me. i’m sure it’ll be hard at first, but with time, you’ll get used to your new home. alfred had disapproved at first, but he knows how happy you make me, how much more careful i’ll be. i won’t have to worry about you anymore, knowing you’re home with me forever.

[penkura]

I'm back with more traffy brainrot.

So I LOVE avatar the last airbender. I was thinking.

What'd happen if law met someone like toph?

Reader is blind. But can see through her feet, the thing is, she's strong on any land but HATES getting on ships because the only thing she sees is the ships interior not the outside which is the ocean, she fears with a little push she MIGHT fall over. Also, when they first met, reader may or may not play the "I'm sorry I'm blind" card and steal a hefty amount from the crew and running away faster than any of them combined lol.

I just imagine reader being innocent until she isn't lmao

I loooove Avatar omg, I still need to sit with my dad and finish the live action Netflix series, but the original series has a special place in my heart. I really liked this prompt, I hope I did it justice for you!!

“I’m sorry, I’m blind.”

Law should’ve realized right away that it would be an excuse the moment he met you. He feels a little stupid now, having you strapped to a chair in front of him and his crew, the very people who tried to be helpful but that you stole from. Shachi questions if you actually are blind, waving his hand in front of your face though you don’t make any movements that you can see his hand moving. Penguin rolls his eyes and tells him to stop, as Law simply sighs over the situation.

You thought it was okay, you thought you’d get away with everything you’d grabbed, you didn’t know what the half of it was. You just snatched whatever seemed valuable and booked it, not caring that there was a feeling of guilt as you ran off that stupid submarine and back onto dry land, at least then you could see everything. You hated that you could only see the inside of that submarine, you didn’t even really want to be there but had flirted enough with one of the crewmembers (poor Hakugan) to get on board, knowing they must have some treasure after hearing they were a pirate crew, especially hearing it was Trafalgar Law’s crew. Even you kept up with the rumors and gossip, you knew he had a decent bounty on him, even at just twenty-one years old.

Your only mistake was staying aboard too late and grabbing his sword as something to sell, of course he’d notice that.

You thought you were fast but somehow he caught up to you, it must be a Devil Fruit you realize quickly. No one on this island could keep up with you even with your visual impairment, Law having powers is the only thing that makes sense.

“Captain, I’m sorry, I didn’t—”

“You didn’t do anything wrong, Hakugan,” Law sighs again while his friend hangs his head with a small nod, “If she hadn’t grabbed Kikoku, we wouldn’t have known she’d stolen anything really.”

You tilted your head with your brow furrowed, confused on what he must mean. You had grabbed a ton of things, hadn’t you?

“Yeah,” Penguin laughs, shaking his head, “Grabbing all those medical supplies was a stupid move.”

“Guess it’s not that obvious that our ship has such a big medical ward, huh?”

You feel like an idiot now, embarrassment flooding over you as you listen to them list off what you’d grabbed, apart from Kikoku. Bandages, cough medicine, various medicinal drugs. You though ‘surgeon of death’ was just a moniker, not that Law really is a doctor.

You really wish you would wake up from this nightmare in your bed, you’d completely ignore the people talking about a pirate crew docking at your home island and go about your day. Part of you thinks you should have done that anyway, even when Law dismisses the rest of his crew to speak to you alone.

He's quiet for a bit, just as you are, until he crouches in front of you and sets a hand on your shoulder.

“You wanna explain?”

“…I really am blind.”

“I know that, I don’t doubt your disability,” he’s not like Shachi, questioning your reality or anything, he’s just wondering what your plan was, “I’m talking about stealing from us. If you had known it was mainly medical supplies—”

“I wouldn’t have touched any of it. I wouldn’t have bothered…”

“…so why did you?”

“…you would too to keep your home.”

Ah that’s it, you’re trying to stay in your house. It must be rent or taxes, he’s not sure, but the way you hang your head makes Law start to think.

“No one wants to hire the blind orphan. I’m not worth—”

“I think Ikkaku would be glad to have a roommate. We’ll go get your stuff in the morning and—”

“What? What are you talking about?”

The way you lift and tilt your head, blinking while Law smiles to himself just a bit.

Kind of cute actually.

“You’ll come with us, as payment for trying to steal our supplies and my sword. In the morning, you’ll take us to where you live, we’ll pay what you owe, gather your stuff, and you’ll come with us.”

“Why would you…?”

Law pats your shoulder lightly, you’re not sure why but it gets to you so much you start to cry. He doesn’t even give you a reason, letting you get your feelings out, as you start to nod.

“O-Okay…okay…thank you…”

“You’re welcome.”

You’ll have to apologize to that Hakugan guy later for leading him on like that, but it seems you’ll have plenty of time for that.

[xxchaosjojoxx]

Hi :)

I have always loved law since his first appearance in the anime.

May I ask for a law x Reader but reader is an absolute GREAT at lying. Like they lie all the time and no one would know it was a lie due to specific things that aren't exactly related to the lie but was somehow a "proof" that it was believable. It even fooled Law himself.

Reader is always so happy, like always smiling and cheerful and everything. But with a really constructed lie, a smile isn't always real.

You get what I mean?

Most lies I was talking about was:

"I ate dinner" for example.

Reader didn't actually eat but can be proven to because 1, reader could have planned to "eat" later due to "work" when in reality, they just planned to go inside the lunch room for a few moments and made sure someone saw so they'd have an alibi.

So basically, it's based on alibis and statements that make said lie true.

A/N: Thanks so much for your request. I had an idea in my mind and suddenly it went dark/angst. I hope it is still to your liking and I’m not sure if I should do a second part to add some fluff like I had originally planned.

Lies

You were the sunshine on and inside the Polar Tang. With your bright smile, you could earn a lot of happy smiles and joyful words whenever you enter a room. No one would ever think that this was a facade. That all of this would be a lie. Even your captain would call anyone crazy who would think not of a bunch of sunshine whenever you are around.

Your skills as a thief back in the day are kinda handsy. You are quick and precise when it comes to battle. With your radiant presence and this bright smile paired with those big soft eyes it was easy to gain a lot of free supplies and goodies, whenever your duty was to go shopping. You joined the Heart pirates after stealing some things from Penguin and Shachi nearly 4 months ago. Sadly you couldn’t escape the blue orb nor the teleportation as this man, now your captain, Trafalgar Law was grabbing you with a smirk on his face. You had skill, this might come in handy for sure. That was his reason to let you join his crew. The fact that you would probably lose your head was not an option back there. He was intimidating but handsome. You would be a fool to not follow an attractive man.

The life you had back there was a life you wished to erase forever.

As a foster kid some adults used you for stealing. Kids are small, they can hide better, right?

Over the years you could perfect your stealing skills and one more skill. To lie. Whenever you trembled, whenever you where crying or doing not exactly what they told you, they would hurt you, torture you. You had to learn to lie, because you needed to survive. You had to lie to yourself, that all of this wouldn’t be your whole life. That you would find something better for sure someday. Then you met the heart pirates, they all welcomed you like a family. And even though you showed them your brightest smile, your happiest face, the loudest laugh, you were still aware of them. This is not real. They will use you when they get a chance. Don’t trust them. All of this was repeating in your head every now and then. No one knew what you were hiding because no one suspected anything.

The first time Law suspected something was not too long ago. He worked a lot today and went to the kitchen, to get a snack as he passed you. “You ok, y/n-ya? You look pale? Did you eat anything?”

You were looking at him, giving him a bright smile. “Hey Captain. Of course. I ate dinner already. I just ate too much, maybe that’s why.”

He looked at you with a stern look. “Ok don’t overwork yourself.”

“Aye aye Captain.” and with that you left him. Only after he entered the kitchen and saw the dish, he knew something was off.

Law saw Shachi and Penguin sitting at the table, talking and laughing. “Was Y/N in here?”

They looked at him. “Yeah, she just left with a plate in her hand. She has too much work to do, so she wanted to eat in her room.” The red haired said and Law tilted his head in confusion. “I just saw her, and she didn’t even have a plate in her hand.”

Bepo entered the kitchen from behind. “Oh she gave me the plate earlier. Said I should eat it. She had too much earlier and put way more on the plate for her to finish.”

“I see.” With this Law grabbed a snack and returned to his office with a bad feeling.

He was reading some paperwork as he took a bite from his snack. His mind was wandering back to you. It felt off. Did you really have dinner? The fact that you filled your plate with food and the fact why you didn’t have it when he met you earlier, it all was reasonable. But something was still weird. Would you lie to him? You had no reason for it. But remembering the food, he knew that Shachi was in charge of cooking today and he also knew that Shachi used some spices especially one you didn’t even like. There was no way you wouldn’t notice it and there was also no way that you would eat it to the point you would grab another plate. He hid his face in his hands and was remembering every situation with you in it since you joined. There was never an occasion that he would feel like this. Without even realizing he went towards the storage room, knowing you were on duty today, to write down what else you would need when you dock on the next island.

You stand there with a pencil and a little book in your hands, taking notes. As you felt his presence you turned around to see your captain and smiled at him. “Hey Captain. Can I help you with something?”

“Yeah, can you give me your hand for a second please? I need to confirm something.”

With a confused look you reached your right hand towards him, his warm hands were cupping your own and you could feel a light blush on your face.

“What exactly do you confirm?” You gulped and were looking at him.

“I thought I saw something earlier.” He had not enough time to think of anything clever.

“Do you feel better now? You know because of your second plate of food today.”

He had to concentrate on your heartbeat, on your pulse.

You were looking at him even more confused. “Yes, thank you.”

He squeezed your hand a little tighter. If people lie, their heartbeat, pulse and the breath would give them away, but everything was normal. Not even a slight change. But he knew that you didn’t have another plate. You gave it to Bepo. “Didn’t you give it to Bepo?”

He was staring at you. You felt a little shiver as he was staring at you with this cold look.

"Yeah, I did. I thought I could eat more, but then I felt sick so I gave it to Bepo instead.” Again you were smiling. You didn’t even have to think long enough or even stutter. Your answer was way too perfect. Even if you were telling him the truth, you wouldn’t answer as fast as possible.

“Did you ever lie to us?”

You shook your head and your eyes were wide. “What? No, why should I?”

“Tell me the truth.”

“I do. I never lied to you or anyone else on this ship.”

You were looking at him in determination and in this moment knew, he wouldn’t get the answer out of you.

He knew something was off but he couldn’t prove it. Just his gut feeling wouldn’t be enough.

He let go of your hand. “I’m sorry. I'll let you finish your work.” Law was about to leave the room as he turned his head towards you.

“You can trust us, you know? I know that your past was hard, but you are safe now. If you wanna talk with anyone about anything, do it please.”

Law could see a small nod coming from you. “Of course I do, captain. I already trust you. Thanks for checking on me.” You showed him a big grin and Law couldn’t help but feel this bad feeling inside him to blossom. Now that he felt off he couldn’t help but wonder, if those smiles of yours and your shining personalities are fake. What about you is real? What is a lie? He was determined to find the truth from this day on.

[hyukakisses]

Emo Kai who secretly steals your pink lacey panties so he can use them later while he sniffs the plushie he lent you SOMEBODY SHOOT ME

(i will not be shooting you..)

-emo pervy loser huening kai!

pairings: emo hyuka x fem reader

plot: random pervy loser huening kai headcanons

warnings: huening kai is a red flag loser like seriously, faint smut, dom hyuka & sub reader, fluff

kai would wait until you were fast asleep to sneak through your window, his eyes scanning your room before taking a step inside the bathroom. grinning at your sleeping face pressed against a penguin plushie that you babbled about looking like him

the emo boy snooped around your bedroom once he knew you were in a deep slumber, searching around for a pair of panties that belonged to you. wishing he could just fuck you instead but huening kai knew how much your virginity meant to you

kai wasn’t really much of a romantic before dating you; yes he was a virgin too but he never saw himself waiting to fuck you. this annoyed him but nonetheless he didn’t hover

his pretty brown eyes scanning the thin material lovingly before bringing the piece of clothing to his nose, sniffing briefly melting at your natural scent.

images of you laid on your back as huening kai ate you out through your panties ran wild in the horny boy’s mind. he just couldn’t wait for the day you finally let him have you

the next day hyuka ordered a sex plushie, a bunny sex plushie to be exact since they reminded him of you for some reason.

hyuka decided to put on your used panties in the sadi plushie, pulling them to the side of the stuffed animals hole. his throbbing cock weeping pre cum as he stuffs the toy bunny full.

kai let out a fit of loud whimpers and high pitched whines, the warmth of the bunny’s fur feeling so good around his cock he could have swore he came right away

with his imagination and a dream, huening kai’s pretty eyes squeezed shut at the images of you on top of him instead of the toy. the sound of your honey like voice filling in his eardrums as you begged for your release

“o-oh fuck- fuck fuck holy shit” a string of profanities escape hyuka’s mouth as he already cumming on the fur that belonged to the stuffed bunny chanting your name like a prayer. hoping to god that it’s your hole he fills up next time ):

[iamumbra195]

Random One Piece incorrect quotes cause I'm bored

Some of these are modern au though

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

*Sanji's not there*

Usopp: HELP! I TOLD LUFFY I’D COOK DINNER TONIGHT BUT I CAN’T COOK!

Zoro, pouring alcohol directly into a cereal bowl:

Zoro: And you thought I could help?

...

Luffy: In my defense, I was left unsupervised.

Nami : Wasn't Zoro with you?

Zoro: In my defense, I was also left unsupervised

...

Law: I trust Mugiwara-ya.

Penguin: You think he knows what he's doing?

Law: I wouldn't go that far.

...

Sabo: Dandelions symbolize everything I want to be in life

Ace, confused: Fluffy and dead with a gust of wind?

Sabo: Unapologetic. Hard to kill. Feral, filled with sunlight, bright, beautiful in a way that the conventional and controlling hate but cannot ever fully destroy. Stubborn. Happy. Bastardous. Friends with bees. Highly disapproving of lawns. Full of wishes that will be carried far after I die.

Luffy: edible

...

Nami: We need to get through this locked door. Usopp, give me your credit card.

Usopp: Here.

Nami, pocketing it: Thanks. Luffy, kick down the door.

...

Chopper: You know those things will kill you, right?

Zoro, pouring another glass of whiskey: That’s the point.

Sanji, smoking a cigarette: We’re trying to speed up the process.

Luffy: *Nods while eating raw cookie dough*

...

Robin: Why is Luffy so sad?

Nami: He took one of those “Which Character Are You?” quizzes

Robin: And...?

Nami: He got Buggy

*Zoro cackling in the background

...

Zoro: Self care is actually getting into fights with randos in dark alleys.

Nami: No, self care is stuff like taking a bubble bath, or putting on a lot of makeup if you like it, or taking a nice warm nap!

Kin'emon, trying to be poetic: Self care is the burning heat when rage washes over you!! Self care is when you feel the bones crack under your powerful fists!! Self care is the fear in your enemies’ eyes!!!

Usopp: Lmao self care is taking Luffy's birthday meat cake just so I can eat the frosting.

Luffy: If you touch my meat cake I’ll make you eat your hands.

Sanji, losing his mind: WHY IS THERE FROSTING ON MEAT?

...

Franky, about Jinbe: Apparently we’re getting someone new in the group.

Robin: Are we stealing them?

Brook: New or used?

Franky, cackling: Wonderful responses, both of you.

...

Smoker: You’re receiving a ticket for having three people on one motorcycle.

Sanji: Shit.

Usopp: Wait, three?

Smoker: Yeah?

Nami: OH MY GOD ZORO FELL OFF!!!

...

Kin'emon: Tonight, one of you has betrayed us.

Ashura: Is it me?

Kin'emon: No, it’s not you.

Denjiro: Is it me, Kin?

Kin'emon: It’s not you either.

Kanjuro: Is it me, Kin'emon?

Kin'emon, bleeding from several debilitating injuries:

Kin'emon, mockingly: Is IT mE kiN'eMOn?

...

Usopp: Can I be frank with you guys?

Luffy, confused: Sure, but I don’t see how changing your name is gonna help.

Chopper: Can I still be Chopper?

Franky, snickering: Shh, let Frank speak.

...

Sabo: You lying, cheating, piece of shit!

Koala: Oh yeah? You’re the idiot who thinks you can get away with everything you do. WELCOME TO THE REAL WORLD

Sabo: I’m leaving you, and I’M TAKING ROBIN-CHAN WITH ME

Hack, picking up the monopoly board: I think we’re gonna stop playing now.

...

Law, walking into his submarine: Hello, people who do not belong here.

Zoro: Hey.

Sanji: Hi.

Robin: Hello.

Chopper: Hey!

Law: I gave you my vivre card for emergencies only!

Luffy, grinning: We were out of meat.

...

Sanji: You know, I'm starting to regret showing you how that blender works.

Luffy, drinking meat: Why do you say that?

...

Zoro: Do you take constructive criticism?

Nami: I only take cash or credit.

...

Koala: Why are you on the floor?

Sabo: I'm depressed.

Sabo: Also I was stabbed, can you get Ivankov, please.

...

Robin: If I accidentally sat on a voodoo doll of myself, would I be trapped forever in that position, doomed to starve to death?

*everyone looks ay Karasu

Karasu: What? How am I supposed to know?

Lindbergh: You say, as if we don’t use you as a source of knowledge of the occult.

Karasu: *sighs*

Karasu: You wouldn't be trapped

...

Vivi: I love you guys, you're the best thing that's happened to me.

Nami: We're the best thing that's ever happened to you?

Vivi: Yes!

Usopp: ... I'm starting to feel a little sorry for you.

...

Usopp: WHY. why did you give Luffy a KNIFE?!

Zoro, shrugging: He said he felt unsafe.

Usopp: Now I feel unsafe!

Zoro: ... would you like a knife?

...

Dragon: What did you do with the target's body?

Sabo : What didn’t I do with the body?

Dragon:

Sabo: Okay, that sounded more sexual than I intended. I disposed of the corpse respectfully.

...

Luffy, texting Ace: Ace! Help I’m being kidnapped

Ace: Where are you?

Luffy: I’m with some strange person. In a car. Help.

Ace: I’ll call Gramps.

Garp, answering their cell: Y’ello?

Ace: Where’s Luffy? He texted me that he was being kidnapped.

Garp: Luffy? Whaddya mean, he's right next to me-

Garp, who shaved his head:

Garp: I’ll call you back. *hangs up*

Garp: THE NEW HAIRCUT ISN’T THAT BAD!

Luffy: WHO ARE YOU?!

...

*Ace, Sabo and Luffy sitting in jail together*

Sabo: So who should we call?

Ace: I’d call Gramps, but I feel safer in jail

...

Roger: Garp, my old arch enemy.

Garp: ... I thought I was your only arch enemy?

Roger: I have a life outside of you, Garp

...

Zoro: Sometimes I drink milk straight out of the container.

Luffy: The cow???

Zoro: What?

Sanji: *disgusted shudder* LUFFY, W H Y?

...

Usopp: Would you stab your best friend in the leg for 10 billion berry?

Zoro: Nami can stab me, and then when my leg gets better, we buy a big-ass house and erase my debt

Luffy: You can stab me too, then we'll have 20 billion.

Zoro: Good thinking.

...

Kin'emon: Come on, I wasn’t that drunk last night.

Denjiro: You were flirting with O'Tsuru.

Kin'emon: So what? She's my wife.

Denjiro: You asked her if she were single.

Kin'emon:

Denjiro: And then you cried when she said she wasn't

...

Marco: What time is it?

Ace: I don’t know; pass me that saxophone and we’ll find out

Ace: *Plays sax loudly and extremely out of tune*

Izou: WHO THE FUCK IS PLAYING THE SAXOPHONE AT TWO IN THE MORNING

Ace, proudly: It’s 2 am

...

Luffy: I can’t believe you live nearby, and you won’t let anyone crash at your place.

Law: You people already know too much about me.

Kidd: I know exactly three facts about you, and one of them is that you won’t let any of us crash at your place.

...

Sabo, an enabler: Tell Ace about the birds and the bees.

Luffy: They're disappearing at an alarming rate.

...

Brook: Schrödinger’s cat is overrated. If you wanna see something that’s both dead and alive you can talk to me any time of the day.

...

Zoro: With great power comes great need to take a nap. Wake me up later.

...

Law: When someone points at your black clothes and asks whose funeral it is, having a look around the room and saying 'Haven’t decided yet' is typically a good response.

Bepo: Captain, no.

...

Law: Nothing in life is free.

Chopper: Love is free!

Luffy: Adventure is free!

Robin: Knowledge is free.

Nami: Everything is free if you take it without paying.

...

Usopp: We’ve been conducting an ongoing study to see what Luffy will and will not eat.

Franky: Grass? Yes!

Usopp: Moss? Yes!!

Franky: Leaves? Ohh, yes!

Usopp: Shoelaces? Strange but true!

Franky: Worms? Sometimes!

Usopp: Rocks? Usually nah.

Franky: Twigs? Usually!

Usopp: Zoro's cooking? Inconclusive!

Chopper: How did you… test this?

Usopp: You just hand him stuff and say ‘eat this’ and if he eats it, he eats it.

Chopper: ... I don’t know how to feel about this.

Nami: IS THAT WHERE ALL MY SHOELACES WENT?

Robin: What about humans? He tried to eat Crocodile once

Everyone: ...

Usopp: I think I might be too afraid to ask

(Someone pls draw this one XD)

...

Betty: In your opinion, what’s the height of stupidity?

Koala: *turning to Sabo* How tall are you?

...

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

That's it, this took forever to write lol

[frogaroundandfindout]

Random highly specific dick grayson fanfics I’ve been craving

An exhausted 18/19 yr old Dick finding Jason trying to steal the wheels off of Nightbird (his car) and instead of reprimanding him he just launches into a really proud rant about his car and how much work he put into her and god kid you got a good eye for parts. I just replaced the tires with ones where the rubber self heals. And none of that commercial crap either, actual self healing rubber that could get a bullet shot through it and still close up a second later. Oh and did you notice the seats? Just polished the leather on em! Go on sit, sit! Comfy, huh? You wanna get a bite to eat? Cool. I think bat burger’s hero-meal comes with a bat-mobile toy. Not as cool as my lovely lady of course, but close enough. Jason is absolutely baffled. This is Nightwing? The one all those new gangs that moved from bludhaven decided facing was worse than fighting for territory in the narrows? Fleeing unsuccessfully might be add considering Nightwing’s presence in gotham. He was so…nice? In that weird slightly off putting way that most of the real good people he knows have.

Dick and Damian both longing for the days where it was just them: Batman and Robin. The best. Dick having a whole moment where he curls around nearly completed adoption papers and sobs because Damian was his. For a year Damian was his to protect, his to guide, his to love. But now they aren’t even in the same city and barely go on patrols together let alone have movie nights cuddled up on the couch (it’s only reasonable Richard. Penguins huddle to conserve body heat). And Damian in the manor staring blankly at his drawing of gotham that Bruce hung up in his office. He didn’t make it for him. He made it for Richard. But what was he supposed to do when Father saw a piece dedicated to “dad” while Damian was flipping through his sketchbook? Tell him it was actually for his oldest son instead of him? Tell him that sometimes Damian wishes bruce never came back so that Richard didn’t have step back from them?

Dick who cooks tons of different cultural dishes within the same meal (like rice and curry served at the same time as sushi and fried plantains) and when questioned about it he’s just like ???? That’s what my mom used to do??? We lived in so many different places it felt weird limiting our food to one culture per meal.

Dick being like Garfield Logan’s big brother long before Jason comes into the mix. Gar frequently turning into a baby elephant just because it makes dick coo over him more than any form. Even a kitten!

[myriadparacosm]

Sitcom AU - 1. The one with the bride

wolfstar; jegulus; dorlene; panryly; rosekiller

"What I mean is that it's not right."

"Isn't that kind of homophobic?"

Marlene scowls at Pandora, who quickly pinches her lips together with a coy look, making Remus chuckles in his cup of tea.

"No, no, hear her out," Sirius cuts.

"Two male penguins?!"

"Still can't believe you didn't hear about that before," Peter mentions, stirring his new cup of coffee.

"They got an egg too?! When they have been trying to steal one but they get a reward instead?!"

"That was one solution to stop that behaviour," Remus sagely comments.

"If I did that, I wouldn't be given a child!"

"You don't want one, Marl'."

"Thank God for that too— ouch! Fuck! I'm on your side!"

"Just accept that penguins have more rizz than you," Mary says before ducking at the pillow. "Hey!"

The waitress clears her throat from behind the couch and Marlene smiles toothily at her to lose it as quickly when facing them again.

"As if you have any."

"Shouldn't we be happy that gay penguins are accepted and loved? Especially if they raised a little baby!"

"I believe, their chick was also a lesbian," Remus comments

"Their child too?!" Marlene exclaims in shock. "What is going on in this world?!"

"I could present you someone if you are that desperate," Pandora gently offers. "I have this co-"

"I don't need help!"

Sirius grimaces with a nod. "You do."

"Like you are any better, slag."

"I'm on your side!" He argues with a waving hand that she slaps away. "Cunt!"

"On her side against— queer penguins?" Peter wonders.

"I just can't bloody believe it."

"Sometimes, I wish I was a penguin," Remus mutters and pauses at all the eyes jumping on him. "Erm."

"And you call me desperate."

"You literally have a feud with penguins now?" Mary points out.

Sirius laughs before looking up just in time for James to walk in Hogwarts. Marlene sighs, not bothering to glance since these two always predict whenever their other half is around.

"Hi James!" Pandora greets.

"Hey," he grins even if it's a tad sadder than usual while he puts his wet umbrella against the rack already full. "Whatcha talking about?" He asks, sitting down next to Sirius who scooted over and immediately puts his arm on his shoulders.

"Marlene discovered animals can be queer," Peter explains. "And wants to fight a couple of penguins."

James laughs, turning to her. "But that's so cute!"

She scowls at him. "They have it so easy while we have to bloody pay taxes and they got a marriage and child for free, how is that right?!"

Mary leans toward James. "She got a bad date last night and-" she shrieks at the kick in her back, getting her face smashed in the couch's bottom. Marlene cackles evily just as Mary rounds on her. "You better not have used your shoes on my new shirt!"

The waitress pays them no mind, used to their antics, as she nods at James' order before walking behind the counter.

"Knee."

"You're such a cunt. Don't come whine to me about pain from your trainings because I'm never massaging you again."

"You alright, Prongs?" Peter asks. "Where is Lily?"

He shrugs. "I'm alright. She had work to do so," he says and smiles at Sirius who squeezes him with his arm. "I'm really fine. Just a bit bummed out."

Remus offers a supportive smile, leaning out of his armchair to pat his knee. "You're still friends."

James sighs and takes the cuppa from the waitress' hands with a polite smile. "I know… It's just that I kind of hoped her- us, to be it."

"It's her loss, mate," Sirius says with a startle at Remus' slap on his arm. "What?! It's the truth!"

"Lily is our friend too," he retorts with a pointed look but Sirius only rolls his eyes.

"At least it ended well."

"It might be awkward for some time but everything will be fine," Pandora promises. "You just can't picture her naked anymore."

James blushes. "I wasn't going to! And I know that, I'm just disappointed that it ended up— like that."

"You two dated quite quickly," Mary points out. "It's not that uncommon to realise that despite your attraction, you were both better off as friends."

"And that she is a lesbian."

James scowls at Marlene. "First off, she was almost never attracted to anyone before. Second, she is attracted to me. Third, she is trying to figure it out so don't push her around, Marl'."

Pandora nods. "Yes, I want Lily to stay our friend too. She is lovely."

"Why do you assume I'm going to bully her? I'm just sharing facts!"

"Because you are one," Mary sniffs and flips her off when she sticks her tongue out.

James watches them with an amused grin and meets Sirius' eyes with his own unsure gaze. "She would like that too but she is worried. I told her that it doesn't change anything but…"

Sirius pats his cheek before petting his hair. "Don't worry. I'm sure it will be fine."

"She might only need some time," Remus agrees.

"Breakups, as nice as it went for you two, is still hard," Mary adds with a sorry look. "You were both— intense."

Peter shares the sentiment with a nod as they watch James drinks his cuppa and Sirius brushes his wet hair to cheer him up. He smiles at them, lips wordless for several tries before rolling his shoulders.

"I still love Lily, maybe not as much as a lover like I wanted but at least we are. She offered me a chance to try and… If I'm honest, I felt it for a while."

"Oh, Prongs."

"No, it's fine," he promises with a quick comforting smile at Sirius. "I was happy. Think she was too but you know, no sparks or anything. Comfy but more like friends with benefits rather than lovers."

"Shouldn't it be like that?" Marlene wonders, putting down her cup on the coffee table. "Maybe you only got through the honeymoon part."

"We can't really judge on that," Peter slowly says. "No one has been in a serious relationship more than you. Even Re-"

"Let's not talk about him," Remus interrupts.

Sirius glances at him before settling back on James. "I'm sure there is someone out there that will give you all the sparks you want."

James sighs. "It's stupid but I had everything planned. Now I have to plan another wedding, with someone else, in God knows when but I want to find my soulmate-"

"Lobster-"

"To build our lives together and get married," he finishes with a fond but torn expression.

The doors of Hogwarts slam open and the rain furiously takes advantage of that small gap before it closes after a figure stumbles through on heels. The cafe falls silent, everyone doing a double-take at the long white wedding dress, beautiful despite its soggy state.

"And I want a pony!" Pandora blurts out with eager eyes at the apparition.

The disheveled black hair clashes with the long veil scrunched up in it while the bride frantically looks around with wide bloodshot eyes, which almost pops out of her skull when landing on a gaping Sirius.

"Oh my God," he gasps out, hand frozen in a tangle of James' hair as he straightens up in his seat.

With blank and tears brewing eyes, the bride stumbles to the couch, completely missing the step of the entry but she saves herself with a thunderous look and nails digging into the couch.

"Sirius! Oh my God, there you are," she gasps out.

"Holy crap," Marlene blurts out.

Sirius stares at the bride before jumping out of his seat. "What are you doing here?!"

The bride scowls, angrily pulling at her skirt before throwing it to point out the obvious. "I went by your apartment but then I only found your landlord who told me you might be here-- which you are and I finally found you..," her voice cracks the more it goes as her already ashen face blanches.

Sirius is quite close to follow her by the weak step he takes but stops himself. James is as flabbergasted as him but by his frown he mights have recognized her. Remus glances between them before almost inching over the edge, ready to stand up.

"Pads?"

"Hum, would you like a cuppa?" The waitress asks with a worried frown.

The bride almost glares at her, ramming her dress in one hand, before turning back to Sirius.

"I need your help-"

"How the hell are you even here?! Found me?"

"Sirius can't actually be secretly married, is he?" Peter whispers but Remus is at lost of words.

"I know all your whereabouts."

"Can someone explain to me what's happening?!" Mary exclaims with a barely hushed tone, leaning against Pandora's shoulders to stare at them closer.

Sirius jerks, glancing frantically at them until he lands back on the bride who started to breath heavily.

"Oh my God, breathe!" James says, standing up with a gesture at the couch. "Sit down, catch your breathe."

She ignores him. "I need your help, Sirius-"

"Did you just run out of a wedding?!" He exclaims.

"Yes, mine! You— ne fais pas l'idiot !" She argues with big gasps of air, chest bobbing not by much despite the speed under her corset. "I ran off because I couldn't do it, not anymore. I… I just can't. I had to crawl through a window but I had no idea where to go except to you," she gasps out with a fever splattered on her cheeks, "I think I broke my ankle because of these stupid heels."

Sirius takes a deep breath, leaning onto the couch to look at her legs, before looking up. "What's your shoe size? 13, right?"

"What? No, I'm not a child anymore, Sirius! 5," She says, exasperated.

Every patron are still watching when Sirius jumps over the coffee table to get to Mary. She can barely make a noise before her shoes are grabbed and she shrieks when Sirius only tugs harder.

"Sirius! Stop!" She shrieks, clawing at the rug when she is dragged, before throwing a disbelieving look at them. "Wha- can anyone help me?!" She gasps when one of her shoes finally gives up and Sirius almost falls on Pandora before he does the same for the second shoe.

No one moves and even the bride seems stunned by Sirius, who walks up to him to hand him over Mary's shoes. James gapes at them.

"Padfoot?"

"My shoes?!"

"Free heels."

Sirius throws blindly the pair of sparkly heels on the couch, helping the bride stay upright as she tries to put Mary's shoes on with one hand while the other shakily holds on the dress. Mary, baffled, glances at the heels before taking them with a shrug.

"Sirius?" Remus cautiously calls.

"Don't come in the apartment for like, an hour at least!" He calls as he leads the bride outside, helping her as keeps tripping despite the new shoes.

They watch them through the windows, along with everyone else, while Sirius hastily tries to untangle the veil from her long black hair before throwing it out on the street as they disappear around the corner. Pandora turns to gape at them in excitement.

"What just happened?!"

Remus slightly shakes his head and turns to James. "Prongs?"

He jerks to face them, still standing in front of the couch, and his mouth finally shuts with a loud noise. "Huh?"

"Have an idea who that was?"

"She looked a lot like Sirius," Peter comments.

James nods, clearly in his thoughts, before sitting down with a last look at the windows. "It's Regulus."

"Who?"

"Sirius' brother."

"Sirius has a brother?" Peter asks in disbelief. "Since when?!"

Mary frowns. "Hum, then explain why his brother was wearing heels and wearing a wedding dress? Stealing my shoes?"

"You are wearing the heels," Pandora points out.

"Because he stole them and they are clearly expensive— even if they don't fit with my current jeans."

"He is trans," Remus says. "That's the brother who didn't want to run away with him when they were younger?"

James nods, glancing at the windows again. "Regulus."

"You knew?! How come didn't I know?" Peter asks.

"Wait, is he a trans man or a trans woman because I'm lost," Pandora interjects.

"Trans man," James explains. "He— well, their parents aren't quite accepting that part but he still stayed with them. That's why he looks so… not."

"God, was that a forced marriage and forcing him to stay a woman?" Mary asks in horror. "Wait, is it Regulus as a man or? Strange name."

"That's the name he picked for himself."

"You knew him from your private fancy school?" Peter wonders and looks at Remus. "But you weren't there, so how did you know?"

"Erm, Sirius might have mentioned it to me," he admits. "Barely…"

"Oh my God, their parents must be going crazy. They are just insane-"

"Holy crap, Sirius with tits is hot." James stares in disbelief at Marlene, finally coming back to earth by the looks of it with a slight scoff. "What?! I never thought that would happen! And they look terrifyingly similar!"

"I thought his family was in France," Remus mentions, confused. "How did Regulus find Sirius like that?"

"Should we go check on them maybe?" Pandora asks, straightening up on her knees. "He said to not come to the apartment but maybe we can bring some warm food and drinks for them. Make Regulus feel welcome."

James gasps. "Do you think he is going to stay?"

Marlene frowns at him. "Wait… Didn't you have this huge crush on Regulus?! I remember something about Sirius' sibling!"

Mary cackles at James' vivid blush. He makes a rude gesture at her while Pandora smiles fondly at him, joining him on the couch to rub his shoulder. Remus smiles with a sorry on his lips, remembering James' infatuation on his best friend's brother back when they met during university where Sirius only showed up sometimes to visit with no mention of any sibling except for James.

[shoyoist]

any thoughts on which blue lock men would absolutely be one of the best fathers out there? <33

ﾟ+* ꔫ — 𝐁𝐋𝐔𝐄 𝐋𝐎𝐂𝐊 𝐌𝐄𝐍 + 𝐁𝐄𝐒𝐓 𝐃𝐀𝐃𝐒

content: fluff. f!reader. marriage. mentions of pregnancy, child birth. an: sobbing they are all such sweet dads nonnie it was so hard to choose </3 gave us four best dads in no particular order because i could not rank them if i tried.

featuring: kunigami rensuke, mikage reo, isagi yoichi, oliver aiku.

° 𐐒𐐚 . kunigami rensuke!

he's a caring father. a little over protective, and a little confused — but he works hard to be a good husband and a good father to your kids, and that makes him perfect<3

he's the perfect man to have as your husband & as the father of your kids. chivalrous, a total sweetheart, doesn't get swayed easily, somewhat stubborn and oh, so loving. he's patient and caring and always available during your pregnancy, and he remains steadfast with those traits when the kids do get here.

he's way more into planning the baby's rooms than you are, honestly. stresses so much over the little details — wallpapers, curtains, sheets and number of pillows, exact furniture placements, everything.

he drives your baby girl and boy to school every single day, steals your duty of fixing their bentos for them, loves braiding your little girl's hair, and cries ("rensuke, are you crying?" "n—no, i'm just feeling a little emotional, a'right?") about how one day they'll be all grown up and people of their own.

none of the blue lock men EVER miss a sports meet, that's for sure — but kunigami? he helped the school arrange it. none of those boring lemon-on-a-spoon games. he pushes the school to replace the regular games with football related ones. a dribble race. the baton in the baton relay is replaced by a football.

one teacher makes the mistake of telling him "but sir, these are football games. what about the girls?" he gave them a whole lecture on how little girls can play and be interested in football just as much as little boys.

his enthusiasm is masked by his gruff exterior, and often it's just you that's left to placate him when your baby girl and boy get tired of listening to their dad explaining football rules and positions to them over and over again.

"rensuke," you hum, walking over to share the seat with him when he flops onto the sofa in defeat. "don't look so down, honey. they're only five and six years old. they just don't have the attention span."

"just wish i knew more ways to spend time with them." he confesses, running a hand through the spikes of his orange hair. "football's all i cared for when i was a kid, y'know? so i'm not sure what else to do."

he's so sweet :( and he feels better right away too, when you kiss his forehead and tell him he could take them to the aquarium next weekend. "they've been dying to go see the penguins."

"really?" he mutters, that contemplative frown that you've gotten so used to seeing and fallen in love with creasing his brows. "hmm, i'll see if i can take the day off."

° 𐐒𐐚 . mikage reo!

he's the fun dad. the life of the party even in the family. he starts off a little rocky, but after that he's so very supportive, lifting his son up into the light and paving the way for his future with everything he's got.

reo didn't have exactly the best relationship with his parents. it was great when he was a kid, but as he grew up and became a man of his own, his dreams and the dreams his parents set for him became obviously separated from eachother — which ended with him getting estranged from them himself.

which might lead one to believe that he would avoid doing that with his own child at all costs — but for reo, it was a shock at first when he realized his son had no interest in football.

"he's into art." you stroke his hair, letting him lay in your lap and mourn the loss of his personal father/son dreams. "he wants to paint, baby. look at him. only five years old and he's already so good at it."

"maybe he'll get bored of it in a few years." reo muses, rolling over in your lap to press his face into your stomach. "maybe he'll get into football later."

"reo." you say his name sternly. "don't push your own dreams onto your son." it's a simple reprimand, but it hits reo hard. he fixes his mindset instantly after that.

he's ready to bribe Tokyo's best art schools to let his son enroll in — but with the amount of top quality supplies, world class teachers and expensive classes reo has made available for his little artist son, he gets in without a hitch.

he takes so much pride and joy in knowing that his son is an art prodigy — showers him with gifts and praise, takes front row seats at every award ceremony, takes him out on celebratory dinners, and he pays for everything.

he'd also find it incredibly funny to buy his son art-related gag gifts, pretending he's innocent and doesn't realize what he's doing. "mom, can you tell dad to quit buying me the cheesy aprons." your son complains to you, showing you the OOPS! DRANK FROM MY PAINT CUP AGAIN! apron that reo had bought him online.

you don't tell reo to quit, though. you're just glad your husband has a happy, healthy relationship with his son.

° 𐐒𐐚 . isagi yoichi!

he serves as the closest and wisest mentor for his kids. he's a little nervous about his duties sometimes, but any time his children need someone to lean on, he's there. and he's there for you, too.

isagi knows what it's like to be average. he knows what it's like to dream. and he also knows what it's like to work hard, hone himself and make those dreams come true.

when the doctor tells you both that you're going to have a child — and when the doctor confirms that it's a boy — the first thing isagi does, is teach himself that your child is going to be a separate person from him, that will have separate interests and dreams of his own.

he's fully prepared to love and support his son in every way, no matter how alike or different he turns out to be from isagi himself. takes a lot of time off for you, especially during the later months of your pregnancy. he's so antsy too, always half-awake and jerking up every time you cough or mutter in your sleep.

checks on you so many times throughout the night that it gets in the way of your sleep and irritates the fuck out of you. he's just doing his best :(

and when the baby gets here, he's so on board with making sure you get enough rest and continue to get enough to eat.

scoops your baby boy up from your arms as soon as he's done feeding and takes him to the living room, telling you to make yourself comfortable in bed and take a nap. hours later, you wake up and head downstairs to see him sitting on the sofa, dozing off with the baby swaddled in his arms.

gets super nervous at parent meets but he attends each one. listens carefully to the teachers' feedback and scolds his son as due — but so gently, in such a reassuring tone that it's impossible to throw a tantrum or get upset with him. he's a real nice dad <3

and he's so lucky both his sons (because you get another little boy two years after the first) are into football. he coaches the school teams sometimes, coming over to give pep talks and offer tips before important games.

tells his boys to stay humble no matter what the outcome, but secretly takes so much pride with each goal they score<3

° 𐐒𐐚 . oliver aiku!

he's his daughter's daddy. his happiness comes in tow with yours and your daughter's happiness. you're both the lights of his life. people say oliver was tamed when he met you — and softened when you both had your little girl. and in a way, it's true.

(dilf dilf dilf dilf) loved showing you off when you were pregnant, and he loves showing of his baby girl to literally the whole world. buys you and your daughter the prettiest matching dresses, and brings you along to every event he attends.

"meet my girls," he says, shaking the host's hand firmly, giving the man a proud smirk as he puts an arm around your waist and brings you closer. "this is my wife, and our daughter."

"everyone knows, oliver." you roll your eyes, picking your daughter up and pressing her to your chest. she clutches the neck of your dress and buries her little head into your neck, tired already of the crowd, the noise and the flashing lights. "what do they know?" he grins, pinching your cheek in response to your eye-roll.

"that i'm your wife and she's our kid." you answer, letting him lead you to the seats reserved for the aikus. "i'm sure you've introduced us at least five times already. they'd know — if the news about our wedding and our baby weren't enough."

"hey, but isn't it fun?" he leans in and kisses your cheek — you just know people are snapping up pictures. tomorrow morning, your friends will send you the latest headlines: mr. oliver aiku is such a romantic!

"hmph," you huff, because it's true, he is a romantic. a show off, but a romantic one nonetheless.

spoils your daughter thoroughly — buying her dolls, pretty clothes, the trendiest school bags, cute shoes, whatever she asks for. and he always pulls up at the school gates in his most expensive car when it's time to pick your daughter up from school.

"you're gonna give her a big head if you keep spoiling her like that, oliver." you sigh, when he comes home with yet another dollhouse set for her. "she's my little princess." he shrugs, smiling nonchalantly as you cross your arms over your chest. "and a little ego never hurt anyone — mhm?"

walking over to you, he wraps his arms around your waist and pulls you in for a kiss, whispering in your ear, "and it's not like i spoil you any less, is it?"

[imagines-to-quench-thirst]

Joker Masterlist

Disclaimer: stories are fictitious and should not be taken literally, the behavior is entirely imaginative and the content may be inappropriate

Updated & repaired: 16/07/2023 (if a story won't load or something else, please message me and let me know)

MAIN MASTERLIST

Fluff🌺  Angst 🌩️ Smut❤️‍🔥

MY HEADCANONS W/ OTHER CHARACTERS:

Speak In Flowers 🌺 Flowers speak their own words and show their actions. And your man loves to speak it out loud.

Visiting Your Hometown 🌺 how would your boy act when you drag him along to your hometown

Helping You To Accept Your Stretch Marks 🌺your boy helps you accept your beautiful stretch marks as they are...pure perfection

Explaining To Your Man Kdramas🌺I (V) wrote small drabbles that paired my favorite men and dramas that I absolutely love

Dating A Tattoo Artist 🌺 being a tattoo artist and your boyfriend being part of it

When Tough Times Occur 🌺Life itself can be a pain and with its obstacles, it can seem impossible to overcome it but that’s what makes us stronger as people.

Someone Rubs You The Wrong Way With... 🌺 how would your man protect you when someone doesn’t mind your business

Having A Shower ❤️‍🔥having a shower with your man sounds like heaven right?!

One Thing He Loves About You (Physically Or Mentally)🌺 the title spoils the ending a bit

No Nut November ❤️‍🔥in the glory of No Nut November, you make a bet with your liver saying if they fail you cuff them and use them to your liking but if you lose they get to fulfil one of their fantasies. And you are keen on it to make them lose, by any means.

ASKS

Taking Off Their S/O's Makeup 🌺(Could you do Duncan Vizla,the Joker and whoever else you’d like.)taking off their s/o makeup after they come from a nightout because they are too drunk to do it themselves 💛

Stress Test 🌺can i request Duncan Vizla, the Joker, Victor Creed and what would they do if they see their s/o down because they're stressed due exams?

DRABBLES FROM MY🧠

Leaving Legacy 🌩️the Joker is captured by Batman. Leaving Y/n, his girlfriend to hold up his legacy but what happens when a woman nudges herself between the criminal and the good girl turned mafia leader?

You Just Wrote Your Death Wish 🌺Y/n is taken by the Penguin and Joker is ready to collect

Lipstick Kisses🌺

Living On The Edge 🌺Dating the Joker had its ups and downs, some would say more downs...

Waves 🌩️ J doesn't like waves

Surrounded In Gold🌩️🌺

The Queen Of Gotham🌺

Purple Coat🌺

PICTURE IMAGINE

Joker stealing the world’s rarest and most expensive diamonds as a surprise for you🌺

Joker Looking At You🌺

[andradrawsstuff]

An in-depth character analysis of Skipper: pt 1

This version of Skipper is probably the simplest since he was comic relief at first, but a bit of a hot take, might actually be my favourite (I prefer the show version of the other three tho). Going back to the movies after years of watching the show, I realised that this version of Skipper is surprisingly… chill? I guess I’ve been so used to his tv personality that my brain just decided to override his movie personality with tv Skipper.

Buckle your seatbelts, this is going to be a long one ☝️🤓

Movie Skipper is quite a nonchalant, carefree and I can’t believe I’m saying this, but calm character. He’s kinda just minding his own business doing his missions. He’s pretty serious when he’s leading his team and planning his missions, eg. the boat hijacking scene, but generally you’ll see him with a smile on his face. He’s always been a suave and charming little guy with a lot of sarcasm and sass, which he wouldn’t be Skipper without.

Generally he takes no bs, is straight to the point, and is pretty blunt, usually to Alex and his bunch. But this is also where his sass and sarcasm starts to show more. It’s funny. I think that Madagascar 2 really shows his charm and sass more out of the three main movies bc of all the chaos.

It’s pretty safe to say that the penguins are chaotic neutrals (apart from Private maybe) but they do it in such a way that makes it really funny. Not only do they trick the tourists and steal their car (ya know, grand theft auto) but also run over the grandma after seeing she’s still alive (ya know, attempted vehicular homicide). I could name every single crime they commit istg and it’s a long list 💀 But anyway, Skipper does all this with such a chill and carefree attitude and simply doesn’t give a shit. It’s what makes him so funny. It’s a big reason why I love this version of him, bc he doesn’t take everything too seriously and just goes about his day like nothing ever happened.

Obviously, he’s not evil and does still care about others, for example when they rescue Alex and his bunch in Madagascar 2 and 3, as well as stopping Dave in their spinoff. But I do think that he has something against humans (which is understandable) bc he seems to have a general disregard for them which is kinda funny.

In Madagascar 3, you start to see a bit of a shift in his personality and he becomes a little more aggressive. I’m guessing it’s because Tom was used to voicing Skipper more aggressively for the tv series and they also probably adopted a bit of tv Skipper into movie Skipper. But he is still generally pretty nonchalant nonetheless. He isn’t as suave as the other two movies either, but he does activate Kowalski’s nuclear reactor just for the funnies so I’ll give him that. The best thing about them here is their interactions with Dubois, the sheer trail of carnage they leave behind wherever they go, and the funny little quips here and there. Can’t forget bababooey.

The penguins spinoff movie brings back a little of Skipper’s charm and swagger, mostly with the “I do things my own way” attitude and him just being an asshole to Classified bc he doesn’t like him. This movie also makes Skipper more tame than the other movies which I don’t mind that much, but I wish he was a little more chaotic neutral rather than so hellbent on being heroic.

But the thing that really solidified Skipper as a complex character was his character development. This is the first time you get to see his vulnerable side and even from the start of the movie you see that he’s actually pretty sweet underneath all that chaos. When they “lose” Private is when you really start seeing Skipper’s full character, going from carefreeness to pure desperation trying to get his little brother back after he gets kidnapped, which I think was a great way to go because it shows how much he loves his family.

Later on he kinda “gives up” and follows the North Wind’s plan, which is one of the only moments you see him completely vulnerable and unmasked - no clever quip, no opposition, just acceptance. A perfect contrast to his usual “never give up, never back down” attitude. I think it adds a lot more realism to his character and shows that the one thing that can break him is losing one of his brothers. This is something that you don’t really see in the show (other than for a short period of time eg. Skorka) which I think would have been a great way to develop his character more.

When they get Private back at the end of the movie, you get to see Skipper’s sweet side again and his character development comes full circle - he learns to stop undermining Private. He realises he was wrong and tries to make it right. In a way, I guess he takes accountability. Which you don’t see all that often in the show, only episodes like Needle Point coming to mind when thinking about it.

I think that this is another big reason why I prefer movie Skipper over tv Skipper - yeah, he’s a bit flawed and a little simpler than tv Skip, but he makes an effort to change in the end which tv Skipper doesn’t do as much. Movie Skipper is nonchalant, sassy, suave and by the end, pretty sweet. I guess you could say he’s pretty well written and honestly I wish we got to see more of his softer side and less paranoid attitude at the end of the show.

That’s not to say I hate tv Skipper tho, when i was a kid I LOVED him a lot more than movie Skip and I still find him rlly funny, I mean Skipper is Skipper haha. I guess my opinion just changed bc I grew up and I started seeing characters differently and started valuing character development a lot more, but who knows, maybe in a year it’ll change again lmao.

I am so sorry this got so out of hand and turned into a mf essay 💀 I promise the other analysis will be shorter 🙏

[rokishimizu4]

Bruce tries to adopt another child

(This comes right after Damian’s post, and I hope that everyone who reads my BatFam Headcannons enjoys it! I’ll be starting my BatFam & Symbiotic! Reader soon over on my AO3 (SCP_66666) Enjoy)

Bruce half expects Damian to be calling for backup, aka he decided that the zoo wasn’t taking enough care of a certain animal and wanted to take it back to the manor to take care of it.

But, he did follow after Harley without a complaint as Batman, with a hidden tranquility gun and shot as a just in case that Damian wasn’t calling in for a new friend.

”Do you think Robin’s calling in to tell us that Bud and Lou got their girlfriends pregnant? Oh I hope so!” Harley coos in the Batcar and wiggles around like an excited soon-to-be grandma. But Bruce’s sharp eyes tells him that she’s nervous for a different reason.

”Damian would just be calling you for that news. Though I hope he wasn’t calling to convince me to bring home another ‘friend’ for him.” Bruce rolls his eyes behind his mask, praying that Damian was calling faith good news, and not because Penguin was trying to steal another batch of penguins for a scheme.

As he almost let Damian have his way when the last batch of penguins got blown up, though he is pretty sure that Jason and Dick did something to Oswald for that stunt.

When Batman and Harley finally make it to the Gotham City Zoo, he makes sure to park in the back, which is closer to where the more ‘dangerous’ animals are located, and rushes towards the hyenas enclosure.

Once they both get there, with Harley rushing ahead due to fearing for her babies and her favorite nephew, Batman is surprised to see that all four hyenas are just playing with a being made entirely of black and purple goop/oil/slime something.

”Oh thank god! Dr. Harley, please tell Bud and Lou that we mean no harm to the child. We only wish to check on them and make sure that they are not harmed.” A staff member begs Harley, after breaking away from the small group of caretakers and walking towards her and Batman. “We have no idea how the child got in there, but they refuse to leave and June and Jolene refuse to allow us inside their territory.”

”Mr. Batman, Dr. Harleen, I think that they may have adopted the child as their own.” Damian, who was the only one allowed to lean against the enclosure (the closest he could get without June and Jolene freaking out), mentioned as he closes the book on hyenas that he was reading.

“Well, well. I haven’t seen Bud and Lou this happy since they met June and Jolene.”

Harley walks up to the enclosure and sits down on her legs to be face to face with Bud and Lou. “Babies~, can Momma come in and check over your little pup? Momma just wants to make sure that they’re safe and healthy.”

Bud and Lou looks from their momma and then to their girlfriends and then to the child, and back again. They back away from the entrance of their enclosure and start to wag their tails.

“Thank you my sweet boys!!” Harley coos as one of the Caregivers unlocks the enclosure door and lets her go in first, mainly due to Harley’s bond.

”Thank you babies. Hi June-bug and Jolene, you keeping this little goopy sweetie safe?” She stops a few feet away as the child curls closer to Jolene, who gives a low growl/laugh in warning. Which Harley quickly listens and simply sits down in her spot and waits.

”Dr. Harley, are you sure?” One of the Caregivers ask, out of concern, but Batman simply keeps his attention on both Damian and the goop child, as he trusted Harley to keep herself safe.

”Doesn’t that child look like the supposed ‘Sleep Demon’ all the rouges are freaking out about? My sister was talking about it over the phone, and how one of the rouges were freaking about it when he almost got a kid hurt by robbing a bank in Central City.”

Cue both Batman and Damian taking a closer look at the supposed ‘child’ and realizing that it was the ‘Sleep Demon’.

Cue him also realizing that this is the child that both Jason and Dick were arguing about and trying to adopt, as being a dad or as a big brother.

Batman turns to Damian and bends down to look into his eyes, and asks in a low voice so that no one else could hear them, “Would you mind if I adopted this kid and gave you a new sibling?” “If you don’t, I will tell both Dick and Jason where we are, and I will have a new sibling either way.”

”Hey Bats, the kid is coming towards you!!” Harley yells as the child, who suddenly became a lot bigger and more buff, full sprints towards the Caregivers, Batman, and Damian but only to jump over the enclosure walls and onto the Batmobile.

”Do not harm our host! Scary Bat person!” The creature yells, in a mix of voices, at Batman, before getting off of the Batmobile and preparing to take another leap to escape.

”Wait, please. I mean no harm to you or your ‘host. I simply wish to talk, nothing more.”

”We shall allow it, but it will be a place that we deem worthy, Bat of Man.” The creature finishes, before leaping high into the air, and breathing out a smoke from which the creature disappears entirely.

”Soooo, you gonna adopt them, or am I?” Harley pops up behind Bruce and Damian, keeping her voice down so no one else can hear her.

[lavenderfeminist]

Yes

I think homosexuality has been passed down to no reproduce because its literally stopping you for reproducing

Even in animals this is shown, like why gay penguins steal babies or adopt orphans if they can reproduce? Why in some specie of duck/bird a gay pairs with a bisexual and then said bisexual has the kids for both of them, why wouldnt both of them? Why gays never fuck with the opposite sex even if they are in heat? And obviously being in heat or horny is because It comes down to reproduction despite of social animals that have sex to Bond so

And yes a straight couple even if they are infertil they can want babies but the difference is that is their bodies being sick stopping that

For a gay wanting bio kids no, its the mind therefore its a mental illness because you are wanting something that goes against your own nature

Does it upset you to see a lesbian say she wishes she could finger a baby into her wife

[mochinek0]

Daminette December 2022: 26-Honour

Marinette looked back at her phone, trying to follow the directions to Cosmic Threads. She was new to Gotham, but it had been listed as one of the best fabric stores in the city. She couldn't wait to create her latest design.

As she turned the corner, she was bowled over by a group of older boys.

"Sorry!" they shouted, as the continued to run down the street.

Marinette sighed as she picked up her phone from the floor. As she picked it up, she noticed a black wallet on the floor.

'Must belong to one of those boys. I can drop it off on my way back from the store.'

Suddenly, her arm was grabbed and she was face to face with The Penguin.

'Son of a bitch! No wonder why they ran! They at least could have warned me!'

The batboys winced when they saw the girl they had run into, in the arms of The Penguin. He had his umbrella gun pointed right at her and she didn't look happy. She didn't even look scared; she looked pissed off. Once they entered the fight, it wasn't hard for him to claim her as a hostage. All it had taken was a well thrown batarang to knock the umbrella out of his hand, but he had quickly tossed her off to the side. Red Hood protected her and told her to run through a side exit and was gone. No more distractions. Marinette quickly ran out only to run into the cops.

'Looks like I can't go shopping today. Guess I might as well return the wallet.'

Marinette looked inside and saw a Gotham ID. The wallet belonged to Damian Wayne.

After Marinette had given her statements, she turned to leave. She turned towards the crowd and saw the boys from before. Marinette walked up to them and threw the wallet at them.

"Thanks for the tip, Assholes!" she shouted.

Damian picked up the wallet and looked inside, "So, how much did you steal?"

Marinette was quick to punch him in his face, breaking his nose.

"You-" he cried out.

Jason and Dick held Damian in place, as she glared at him.

"How honorable you are, Coward." She sneered.

Marinette turned away and quickly let the scene. Jason let go of Damian's shirt and started laughing. Dick called for a medic to come look at his youngest brother. Tim sighed, and looked down.

'Blood? Was she injured by the Penguin?'

Tim left to follow. It hadn't been that hard to catch up with her.

"Hey, are you okay?" He asked her.

"I'm fine." she growled and continued walking.

Tim looked her over and noticed a gash on her leg. Rapidly, he picked her up. Marinette started struggling, trying to break free.

"Hey! Put me down! Help! Help!" Mari began to scream, as Tim took her back to the crime scene.

"Hey!" Tim called out, "She needs medical attention. She's just stubborn!"

"I can take care of myself" Marinette cried out.

"Oh, really?" Damian questioned, as he held a cloth to his nose, "What were you going to do? Stitch yourself up?"

"Yes." Mari answered.

Damian recoiled in shock. He looked her up and down. The gash was the length of her inner calf and appeared deep.

"I doubt you have the medical training to handle something of that magnitude." Damian declared.

"And I doubt you know how to be a gentleman!" she replied, "Oh, wait! You already proved that."

Damian glared at her as Drake hesitantly set her down.

"I can do it myself." Marinette explained.

"I can't allow that!" the EMT stated

"I was brought back against my will and do not wish to receive medical attention." she spoke, crossing her arms.

"Where are your parents?" the EMT questioned.

Marinette smiled, "Isn't emancipation the best."

The Wayne boys and the medical attendant looked at her in shock.

"Can anyone look after you?" they asked, "I have to accept you refused treatment, but I'd rather not have you go later to a hospital for blood loss."

Marinette rolled her eyes and picked up the cleaning solution from the ambulance. After she sprayed the solution on her, she grabbed the stitching needle with the thread. She quickly and easily stitched herself up. She wrapped her leg with cotton and gauze.

"Like sewing a shirt." She quipped.

Marinette hopped off the back of the ambulance and walked away.

Damian quickly grabbed her hand. Mari turned and glared at him.

"You are right. I should have spoken up as we rushed by, even grabbed your hand." he stated, "Let me do the honor of walking you home."

"I don't know." Marinette spoke, "You might attract more rouges along the way."

"Dinner then?" he suggested, "Come have dinner with us and I can make sure you are given a ride home."

She sighed, "You're not gonna stop until you redeem yourself, are you?"

"I'm told I stubborn." Damian declared.

Marinette looked at him and relented.

"Fine, but if I don't go home by seven, I'm calling the cops for kidnapping." she answered, "I'm already behind work because of you and have to get up earlier to get what I need now."

"Your injury won't hinder you?" he questioned, "Can't your boss give you a break?"

"I'm my own boss." Marinette smiled, "I do comission work from my own home. I was on my way to Cosmic Threads for some fabric."

"Maybe I can pay for your fabric then." Damian inquired.

Marinette winced, "I take hours to shop. I know exactly what I need and I'm picky when it comes to the quality of my work. It also won't be a frugal purchase."

"Don't worry." he smirked, "I can pay for it."

"Your wallet's funeral." She smiled back.

TAG LIST: @maribat-calendar-events @animeweebgirl @a-star-with-a-human-name @meme991001 @vixen-uchiha @abrx2002 @alysrose-starchild @fandom-trapped-03 @dood-space @moonlightstar64 @saltymiraculer @marveldcedits20 @09shell-sea09 @icerosecrystal @animegirlweeb @insane-fangirl-of-everything @blueblossombliss @nickristus-dreamer @megawhitleycalderonpaganus

[pastamansta]

🔥 Tim Burton (him as a person or his aesthetic, your choice!)

"Beetlejuice" (1988) reminds me a lot of another film I watched recently; "Tombstone" (1993). Sold by an aesthetic and a FANTASTIC performance from a side character, audiences were conned into loving a mediocre film. I'm not Lindsey Ellis, so don't expect me to talk about the cartoon.

"Batman" (1989) and its sequel is proof that Burton will not be giving up his aesthetic for God or money. Gotham is heavily disconnected from both the film and its source material, with little reason other than its director. There's a reason no one calls these "Keaton's Batmans," they call them "Burton's Batmans." Jack Nicholson is great as The Joker, but that's no hot take. The hot take is that Devito is too horny as The Penguin, and it makes me uncomfortable for a film that's already so sexual.

"Edward Scissorhands" (1990) is a bitter, bitter film where artist finally meets muse. Not, like, in the plot, but in the production. Depp and Burton were made for eachother... or at least that's what I'm supposed to think. This movie's just too messy, however, and can't decide where its focal point lies and leaves me wishing I had just watched "How the Grinch Stole Christmas" (2000) instead.

"Sleepy Hollow" (1999) leaves me, a fan of the original text, I know that's probably a weird thing to say, miffed, even if understanding. Outside of some pacing issues, it's a bold reimagining that feels like Burton attempting to get out of his comfort zone... but I just didn't need this story to be turned into an homage to B-horror. Go watch that Disney short, eh?

"Big Fish" (2003) is his best film. I am hardly qualified to speak on it, and even if I did, I would cry. So, you know, just go watch that shit.

"Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" (2005) is destined to be compared to "Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory" (1971), and why wouldn't it? In thirty-four years since the making of the original, not a single person worth listening to said "i need this done right," including Burton himself, which is why he tries to add so much, but no amount of additions changes the fact that he casted his muse instead of someone who could, you know, act like Wonka? So, you know, destined for failure and to be loved by everyone who won't watch movies made before 1987.

"Corpse Bride" (2005) is one of only two claymation films that Burton would actually direct, and he uses this time to steal a Jewish story and make it less Jewish. I don't like the ending or the songs and it feels like it could be cut in half and achieve the same effect.

"Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street" (2007) literally doesn't have the iconic opening number from the stage play??? Overall, there's rarely a pairing of source material and director that works as well as this one... If only I enjoyed the source material, eh? So dark, so bitter, so edgy, so... nothing. I never think about this movie. When I do, I think of Mrs. Lovett's dream sequence and remember the good old days of "Big Fish" (2003) when Burton liked to use color.

"Alice in Wonderland" (2010) is one of my guiltiest pleasures in all of film. It is the reason why every time Disney announces a live-action remake, my ears perk up. If all of them were as wild, unhinged, original, creative, and inspired as this one... Well, I think Disney might not be fucking bleeding money right now. No one ever even mentions that it's a sequel to the original animated film. A SEQUEL, not a remake. Sometime movie-goers surprise me with how little they think.

"Frankenweenie" (2012) blows. I don't care how unique it is, I do not like it.

"Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children" (2016) is one of the funniest remnants of the teen dystopia genre. Like, it hardly applies, but is trying SO HARD that it's unbelievable. Also, props to Mr. "Black People Aren't My Aesthetic" for casting Samuel L. Jackson as a dude who eats white babies. (I do not mean that.) Seriously, this is proof that Burton, as a modern director, should no longer be taken seriously.

"Dumbo" (2019) is AAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAHAHAAAAHAHAHAHA I FUCKING HATE THIS DUDE HOLY SHIT

If I didn't mention, I haven't seen it. Yes, I know I skipped some big ones. I may watch them one day, but I am in no rush.

[yeyinde]

lev… if you’ve seen it I have to know your thoughts on the penguin finale because… 😵‍💫 I’ve been thinking about it nearly nonstop for the past three days

heartbreaking, actually.

i kinda understand why it had to happen, but ultimately, i just wish they did something else. i rambled so much because i was so excited for what it could have been, so spoilers under the cut.

it's hard, too, when you put a villain in a leading role because at a certain point, the audience forgets they're suppose to be evil. that Oz is, essentially, a Big Bad for Batman when he comes back. but having him as the star, you root for him. especially when it's presented like this.

in the comics, he's ruthless. and there are a lot of parallels between him and Batman (which obviously is a bit underplayed in the television series), but Oz's greed and lack of a moral compass is what really sets them apart. there's a fundamental disconnect there that disallows them to be two sides of the same coin.

but this series was different. a different take on the Penguin. i kinda understand why they made the choices they made. people need to see Oz as a villain. i can understand that, but.

i kinda wish they didn't. i wish that instead of drawing such a brutal and blunt line of utter psychopath in Oz's character, they let it stay grey so we always have that note of sympathy for this man when he's facing off against Batman because it's so much more engaging when the villain is sympathetic and/or relatable. it makes a great dissonance between Tragic Rich Guy makes himself the moral authority and Tragic Poor/Bad Guy who circumvents this idea.

now, any argument Oz tries to make is going to be overshadowed by this choice. we, as the audience, cannot trust him. it almost negates the sympathy we felt.

it was also setting itself up as an interesting dynamic. Oz and Vic are, essentially, cut from the cloth but where Oz cheats, lies, steals, manipulates, and kills to his own way, Vic doesn't. it could have been a nice antithesis to Oz's character, and it could have also given us a different perspective;

how far would you go for loyalty or to survive?

ahhh. i just feel like. Vic would have been such an interesting character to play off of Batman and Oz. technically, he's condoning bad things but he's not inherently evil. he's a good guy in a bad situation. i think, with Batman being in his infancy, this could have set up so much of the groundwork for the strict rules he follows.

and even on his own, Vic, as a character, had so much potential.

the reason i understand why they did it is because there's no coming back from this. Oz made his choice. it's a heavy blow to the audience because it reminds them of why he's evil but i wish there was more buildup to it. i wish it wasn't over something so flimsy. like maybe he felt himself wavering or maybe Vic reminded him too much of what he could have been that he can't stomach what he does when he looks at Vic. the jealousy-sorrow angle would have been more understandable.

i want to get deeper into Oedipus Oz's head than what we got in the sparse moments following the end.

and Sophia. i loved her to pieces but what more can she do? team up with Selina? become more of the Hangman than what we sorta saw?

i just think, and it might be a little controversial, that it would have been way more interesting if Vic had to kill Sophia to protect Oz. or something like that.

loved the show, though!!! i will def be doing a rewatch for hidden things i missed in the first run-through.