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munsonluhvr · 11 months ago

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THE CANDY GRAM CONSPIRACY (DAY #1: LOVE LETTER EVENT)

contents: SFW (light cussing). Steve, your secret admirer, sends you a candy gram with a compelling message. word count - 2k

notes: happy first day of the love letter event. I'm soo excited to share this, and all the other fics written for this event, with you. happy love week! - Helen

love letter event masterlist

“You’re an idiot, Steve.” Dustin Henderson says, shaking his head as he stands with Steve at the candy gram table. “She’s going to be totally freaked out if she gets a message from someone anonymous and you think she’s going to want to show up to the restaurant? Dumbest way to waste ten dollars.” Steve fumbles with his pockets, searching for the paper bills he made sure he brought to school for this exact occasion. Finally, Steve grasps the money in his pocket, pulling it out swiftly and handing it to the girl behind the table. “But she’ll find out it’s just me, I mean I think she already knows I like her.”

“Steve, you’re completely missing the point.” Dustin says.

The girl running the candy gram table puts Steve’s money in the metal lockbox, taking a pen and a note card to give to Steve. As she listens the two boys converse, she can’t help but roll her eyes. “Write a little message if you would like. It’ll go with the candy gram.”

“It’s going to work, Dustin, you just watch.” Steve says, glancing at Dustin. Steve bends down, strands of his hair falling across his forehead. He sticks out his tongue between his lip, captured by concentration.

From afar, I watch you shine, In every step, a dance divine. Though hidden deep, my feelings soar, In this secret, I adore you more.

Your presence, a joy that lights up my day, Secretly admiring in every single way. So, here’s a small poem, a whisper, a sign, Of a love that’s deep, and ever so fine.

Love, Your Secret Admirer (Meet me at Enzo’s, tonight, at 9)

Steve leans back, positively satisfied by his poetry skills. He hands the small notecard to Dustin who takes it in his hand, his eyes pinched in analyzation. After a minute, Dustin drops his hand, his face expressing how impressed he was; he hands the card back to Steve. “I didn’t know you could write poetry.”

You slump in your desk chair, your elbow resting on the tabletop, your chin resting in your hand. You watch as the candy gram girls pass by your desk, showcasing that you’re one class closer to realizing you were an idiot for thinking Steve Harrington would buy you a candy gram.

It was your fourth class, only two periods left in the day, and you had only received three candy grams: one from your parents, the other two from your best friends. Of course, you were grateful for the ones you got, you loved the thoughtful gifts from your parents and friends, but was it so terrible to wish Steve would demonstrate that he feels the same way as you do?

You and Steve were friends, of some sort, existing in an ambivalent grey area. Steve and you had experienced many ‘close calls:’ your lips brushing his once or twice, a couple kisses here and there, and many, just so many, instances of touches on each other’s arms and hands that lingered for a little too long. However, Steve never told you he liked you, never made the effort to ask you out.

You’re zoning out in class, whispers going on behind you as girls receive candy grams from their boyfriends or friends distracting you from your geometry class. Just as your mind is going around the bend to being mad at Steve, about to promise to never talk to him again, a presence next to you jolts you out of your mind. A girl with long blond hair, tied back in a ponytail, a chubby cheek smile on her face, places a tiny, plush teddy bear holding a small bag of conversation heart candies on your desk. “It came with this,” the girl says, placing an envelope onto your desk as well. She saunters off quickly, squeaking ‘bye’ to your math teacher, closing the door behind her.

You sit still, your eyes trained on the teddy bear that stares back at you. It’s white, pink hearts scattered across it’s body. It’s the cutest thing you’ve ever seen.

For a moment, you’re excited again, the potential of the bear being sent by Steve sending your hopes soaring up to the sky. You tear the flap away from the body of the envelope, sliding out the small note card. Your eyes scan the page, flying down to the bottom to find Steve’s signature – except it’s not there; ‘Love, your Secret Admirer. Meet me at Enzo’s, tonight, at 9’ is in its place. You frown. You look above the signature line, your eyes reading a poem scribbled across the page. Your heart swells, pulsing with toothachingly sweet emotions. Who wrote this?

As you put your textbooks into your locker, exchanging them out for the textbooks for your next class, your best friends Rena and Steph are bent over the secret admirer note. “Listen, if you don’t want whoever wrote this poem because you’re stuck on Steve, I’ll take him.” Rena says, shaking her head as she begins to read the poem for the third time.

“And he’s taking you to Enzo’s. My dad told my mom he’d take her there for their wedding anniversary, my mom got super dressed up and everything, and he made them leave and go to Benny’s Burgers instead because it was too expensive.” Steph says, glancing up at you. “Aren’t you curious to find out who sent you the candy gram?”

You shrug, closing the door of your locker. “I guess but I just don’t understand Steve. We have all this tension between us, but he won’t ask me out. Do you think he’s seeing someone else?” You ask, frowning.

“Who cares? You have someone writing you poetry and you’re giving a fuck about Steve?” Rena says with a scoff. “That head of hair lost his chance, now you have someone confessing their love for you through poetry. Say ‘Sayonara Steve’ already.”

You pout, crossing your arms over your chest. Steph wraps an arm around your shoulder, bringing you close to her, while shooting a look at Rena for her abrasiveness. “How about this. Rena and I will come over later and help you get ready for your date – it’ll be fun, I promise.”

You nod, leaning into your friend. “Come over early, I’ll need a total makeover.”

“I wonder who it could be?” Rena says, a fistful of your hair in her hand, a brush in her other hand. You sit at your vanity table, your hands resting on your lap as Rena strokes the brush through your hair, dividing sections of your hair to begin styling it. “Maybe it’s that Gareth guy, he’s always staring at you from across the cafeteria.”

Steph laughs from across the room, her body stretched out across your bed, one of your magazines in her hands. “Gareth wouldn’t have the balls to write poetry and send it to a girl.”

You sigh listening to your friends create conspiracies about who wrote the note, making fictitious reasons for the secret admirer to go such lengths to ask you out. You were curious too, your stomach twisting with anticipation. What if you didn’t like who the secret admirer was once his identity is revealed. “Are we sure this isn’t a prank?” You ask, beginning to worry.

“That would be one expensive prank; I had to empty my piggy bank to send you both candy grams.” Rena mutters, beginning to put pins in your hair.

Steph hums. “It’s not a prank, y/n, just someone who’s trying to be unique with asking you out to dinner.”

You sigh again, staring at your reflection. You notice your pout that’s settled on your mouth, the disappointment of no candy gram from Steve bumming you out. Maybe this was a sign to let Steve go, allow others into your life. You take a deep breath, deciding to change your attitude.

“What do you guys think I should wear?”

At the same time, Rena and Steph begin to ramble, Steph getting up from her seat on your bed to flip through the hangers in your closet. Rena steps away from you, looking at her work on your hair: your hair is half up, half down, framing your face perfectly. She hums, satisfied, and picks up some of your makeup on your vanity. “I think you should wear that pink dress; you know the one that goes to your mid-thigh, the little bows on the shoulder.”

“This one?” Steph says, pulling the exact dress out of the closet. “It’s perfect, you have to wear it, y/n.”

You look over your shoulder, smiling as you nod. “You’re right it’s perfect.”

Nine o’clock comes around faster than you were prepared for, your friends climbing into Steph’s station wagon to drive you to Enzo’s. The ride over was short, bringing you passed downtown Hawkins, the dark streets illuminated by the lit-up streetlights. Your stomach twisted with anticipation and nervousness, the emotions rising up in your throat. In several minutes, Steph pulls up to the front of Enzo’s, the grand sign hanging above the restaurants entrance.

“Be brave!” Rena says, turning in the passenger seat to look at you in the backseat. “You look stunning, whoever it is will be blown away.”

Steph turns to look at you too, an encouraging smile on her face. “Give whoever it is a chance, the poem was amazing, they might surprise you.”

You nod, unlatching the car door. “Thank you guys for everything, I would never look this good if it weren’t for you both.”

They laugh waving goodbye to you. You shut the car door behind you once you’re out, propelling yourself towards the restaurant door. “Don’t forget to call us and tell us everything when you get home,” Rena exclaims, hanging out the passenger window. Steph begins to pull away from the building, Rena waving until she pulls herself back into the car. And you’re left alone.

Your friend’s advice echo’s in your mind; ‘give whoever it is a chance.’ No matter who it is, you’re going to have a good time tonight, appreciating the kind gesture of a sweet poem and an amazing dinner at Enzo’s. Your friends had put a lot of effort to make you feel good about yourself, preparing you for such a unique situation. With one last deep breath, you pull the restaurant door open, immediately greeted by the mouthwatering smell of Italian food.

The restaurant is dark, and busy, Valentine’s day proving to be one of their busiest days of the year. The tables are all crowded, the low hum of conversation passing through the building. There is a glow that illuminates the inside, candles lit at every table adding a soft, romantic essence. Your eyes scan the tables, in search of spotting a familiar face. Your fingers grasp each other, your digits squeezing together with nervousness. How will you ever find your secret admirer?

Just then, the room goes dark, your sight blinded by a pair of hands that cover your eyes. You didn’t know if you should scream or jaw your elbow backwards into the person that stands behind you. Your shoulders ease when a familiar voices murmurs into your ear. “Guess who?”

You smile wide, spinning yourself around. Steve stands before you, wearing a crisp tux, his hair slicked back, a flower bouquet in his hand. “Steve?” you say, throwing your arms around him. “You sent me the candy gram?”

Steve nods, his arms wrapping around your torso. “Were you hoping it was someone else?”

You shake your head, leaning your body against him. “No, I was wishing it was you.”

Steve leans back from your embrace, brushing the back of your hand across your cheekbone. “You look absolutely beautiful, y/n.” Steve says, his eyes taking in every inch of your face. “I should have asked you to be my girlfriend sooner, but I wanted it to be special. Asking on Valentine’s day seems cliché, but I liked the idea.”

Your eyebrows raise, your mouth opening slightly. “T-To be your girlfriend?”

Steve nods, flipping his hand over for the pad of his thumb to brush across your bottom lip. “Will you?”

Leaning on the tip of your toes, you push your lips into Steve’s, doing away with all the ‘almost’ kisses you’ve had with him. “Of course, I will,” you murmur against his mouth.

#stranger things fanfiction #stranger things x reader #stranger things x you #steve harrington fluff #steve harrington stranger things #steve harrington imagine #steve harrington #steve harrington x y/n #steve harrington x fem #steve harrington x you #steve harrington x reader

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skythighs · 8 months ago

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Calista's Dream

Hi there, this is my first ever attempt at writing and posting anything on Tumblr. I won't lie it's a bit intimidating. However, I decided to give it a try. I love Feyd so much that I was compelled to go for it. This will be a series. I'm not sure how long yet. I wont be following the Dune storyline fyi. This part is in 3rd person but the rest will not be done this way, it just happened and I couldn't stop it lol.All of pictures from my collage are from pintrest and I don't claim them as my own I just put them together for a little vibe.

word count:1.9k

Introduction

10175 AG

“A girl! Your Grace, a healthy baby girl.” called Dr Yueh.

The rolling thunder was all the louder in the silent room. The Red Duke found himself confused, disappointed and yet joyous. He had begged Jessica for a son and yet here he stood father to a daughter. Jessica watched him closely from the birthing bed. She was covered in sweat and utterly relieved her duty was done.

“Come name your daughter Your Grace.” Said Lady Jessica calmly.

Duke Leto walked across the room slowly and gracefully as if he didn't feel the floor falling out from under his feet. Jessica held the girl snuggly against her chest. The babe was resting peacefully; she hadn't even cried as she made her way into the world.

“Is she well?” Inquired Duke Leto hesitantly.

“She is quite healthy. Small but strong.” Answered the doctor.

Jessica passed the child into his arms. Only once wrapped securely in his arms did she open her big gray eyes. His heart skipped a beat and he was overwhelmed with unconditional love for his daughter. Although she isn’t the son he asked for, she was perfect. His perfect daughter and he would cherish her until his dying day.

“Calista. Calista Atreides.”

“A lovely name.” Said Lady Jessica, smiling to herself.

“It means most beautiful, because she surely is the most beautiful thing i've ever seen. Thank you Jessica, for giving me more than I could have imagined.”

Calista Atreides came with one of the biggest storms in Caladan’s history and much like a storm she was the calm that inevitably followed.

Leto happily announced her birth and named her his heir leaving many shocked at his decision. He could still have sons even if Lady Jessica wasn’t willing to give them to him, but he was content. Now that he had Calista he didn’t want anything. She was enough, she was a part of him and he was proud. His love for Jessica grew tenfold knowing that she had given him such a gift.

Thufir Hawat was adamant the Duke reconsider naming his daughter as heir to House Atreides. He came up with endless possibilities of such a thing ending catastrophically whenever he tried to calculate a better outcome none came forward.

“My Duke, she could be taken away and trained by the Bene Gesserit. She would not be a true Atreides then. She would be one of them.”

Leto considered this and simply informed Thufir his beloved daughter would never be taken from Caladan while there was breath in his body.

By 10185 The Reverend Mother Gaius Helen Mohiam arrived on Caladan unannounced no less stating urgent business for Lady Jessica in the middle of the night. The Reverend mother wanted to lay eyes on the girl herself. For she could barely accept that Jessica defied her most beloved Duke.

After formalities and respects were paid. Gaius demanded to be brought to Calista Atreides.

Lady Jessica led her through the corridors silently. Neither of them spoke for they both knew the true meaning of this visit. This mere girl would bring forth the Kwisatz Haderach, and she must undergo proper training despite the Duke's wishes to keep her home.They reached the girls chambers and Jessica opened the door as quietly as possible. However when they looked upon her the child was not asleep. She was looking right at them from the comfort of her many blankets and pillows.

“Cali, there is someone you must meet.” Lady Jessica coaxed her from under the mountain of blankets.

Calista sat up and looked at the Reverend mother in the doorway. She felt a strong dislike for the old croon right away. Feeling such a strong aversion to the woman she tensed once she saw her step over the threshold into her bedroom.

“You look like a viper ready to strike, child. Why?” Asked the old woman her crows feet deepening.

Cali looked at her mother with a question in her innocent brown eyes. Eyes that were once gray like Letos.

“Speak freely Calista. Lies will do you no justice here.”

“I saw you once before, in a dream..in a nightmare.”

Mohiam lifted her head, not surprised by the revelation.

“And what happened in this nightmare?”

“I only remember the start and the finish of the nightmare. You take me away from my home, from my father.”

Jessica stroked her daughter's thick wavy hair. Hair as black as Leto's own.

“What else?” prompted Jessica.

“I die. I die before my time.”

A deafening silence fell upon the three of them.

“How do you die?”

“Bloody and split open, before my child can take his first breath, before he can live.”

Jessica gasps. Calista never mentioned any such dream to her. She saw the boy, the Kwisatz Haderach, the one she was made to bring forth into the world. The poor girl was only ten years old, and yet she knew she would die in childbirth if taken by the sisterhood.

“And this all stemmed from you being given formal training by the sisterhood? How do I know this isn’t some ploy for you to stay on Caladan.”

“Lies would do no justice here Reverend mother. If what I said was untrue you would know.”

The finality in the statement of a mere child felt too confounding, too absolute. At only ten years old, a babe to this infinite existence of time and space this child carried an air of understanding.

The truth of the matter was Gaius Helen Mohiam intended on taking Calista this very night to begin training as a Bene Gesserit sister. At ten years old, she had already spent too much time with her parents on caladan when normally she would have been taken during infancy to assure the best outcome of her purpose. However, this was different. She was the Duke's heir, and she was the mother of the Messiah, and somehow, leaving Caladan this night would assure her doom and that of their long-awaited plans. Not only would she die in childbirth, but so would her son.

“You may stay here child, your mother will train you herself, but you must know you will leave Caladan one day never to return.”

“My mother told me you can’t see the future.”

Ah, there it was the Atreides defiance. Mohiam thought and with that she returned to her no ship leaving Calista tucked away safely in her bed. Her training wasn’t worth the life of all that they had waited for. Jessica was skilled enough to train her here from the comfort of Caladan, it would do.

Calista Atreides was her father's daughter. She was much more Leto than Jessica in every way that counted. She was born an Atreides, and perhaps she would die that way too, but one thing was certain she would never be a part of the sisterhood.

That very same week Leto informed Gurney to begin training Cali in combat. Ten years old was plenty old enough to learn self defense.

“Okay little duchess I want you to mimic my movements as best you can. Like this. “ he demonstrated some simple stances and movements for her to follow. She did so with ease.

“Excellent form Cali, you're a natural. Now I want you to use the movements I've shown you and strike me here.” he pointed to his padded chest. Small but mighty indeed she fought with everything she had. He didn't even have to coax it out of her.

“Your father will be very proud to hear of your progress Cali.”

“When will we use swords Gurney?” He smiled at that and the large scar on his face rippled.

“One thing at a time little lady. One thing at a time.”

As the years went on Calista mastered hand to hand combat as well as sword fighting which was led by Duncan Idaho. The discipline needed for sword fighting didn't come as naturally as hand to hand but with time and practice she got there. Her small stature allowed her to move quickly and efficiently. Striking fast and moving away from danger was her usual tactic.

Over the years she did train with her mother Lady Jessica in the arts of the sisterhood however her heart was not in it as it was with her combat training. Along with combat and Bene Gesserit skills she was taught history, linguistics, and politics at an extensive level.

When she was just thirteen her father received an order from Emperor Shaddam IV stating she was to be betrothed to Feyd Fautha Harkonnen, the Na Baron of Giedi Prime. He was just one year her senior and already quite the capable Harkonnen if the rumors were to be believed. He was vicious for one so young and Leto feared what would become of his precious Calista. A knock on his study door broke him from his deep thoughts.

“Father, can I come in?”

“Come in Cali, there's something I want to discuss with you.”

His dark haired dark eyed daughter walked to him still in her training clothes. She was still small for her age but her eyes held a wisdom he could never understand.

“I’ve just received word on your betrothal from the Emperor himself. You are to wed Feyd Rautha Harkonnen on your twentieth birthday. In just six short years I will have to part with you- only for a time.”

“Feyd Rautha. I’ve heard of him, he is my age ,and the Barons chosen heir over his elder brother Glossu Rabban.”

“Yes my darling girl. You are very well informed on these matters it seems.” He pulled her to his armrest so she could sit with him.

She put her small hand on his cheek.

“You look very troubled by this news father. Why?”

“The Emperor forcing my hand in this makes it feel as though you’re a sacrificial lamb being led to slaughter.”

He squints his eyes as he looks at her. He wasn’t sure why he said such a thing to his own daughter but he couldn’t help being truthful at this moment, he would never lie to himself so he would grant her the same courtesy.

“I am no lamb, father. I am you. Feyd Rautha Harkonnen will have no choice but to treat me according to my station. I am a Duke's heir in my own right. I am your heir, your beloved Calista. Do not fear, fear is the mind killer.”

He smiled hearing her mirror her mothers words.

“You are me. I would like to increase your combat training. You’ve made incredible progress these last few years, but when you leave the comfort of your home I want to be certain no matter what the Harkonnen intend, you can hold your own.”

“Size doesn’t matter, skill matters, heart matters. Any man that mistakes me for a lamb will pay with his life.”

“Now you sound like Gurney.”

He kissed his daughter's forehead and sent her on her way. He had to send his reply to the Emperor. He would accept the betrothal with conditions of course. Feyd Rautha would court her properly and he would meet her family face to face on her home planet a month before the wedding. It was not much, but at least it was something.

#feyd rautha #harkonnen #feyd rautha smut #feyd rautha harkonnen x reader #feyd rautha x oc #feyd rautha x atreides oc #dune part two #dune part 2 #Calista Atreides #Calista's Dream

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bcolfanfic · 2 months ago

Note

“I don’t know what’s wrong with me.” “It’s ok. We’ll figure it out - together.”

i lowkey wanna request this w one of the uncles and the yv kids 🥹 torn between sawyer and gale anddddd meadow and john so u pick!

surprise i split the prompt and did both!

uncle buck and sawyer blakely <3

"Sawyer, hey what’s wrong?" Gale asked gently, the twelve-year-old swiping at his nose with his sleeve as he sniffled. He'd slipped his shoes off since the last time Gale had looked over at him as he was helping Blakely get their stuff packed into the car, knees drawn up to his chest.

"Don’t wanna go home," He said, voice wobbly. "I don’t- don’t have friends at school, and I like it when we’re all here because then I do have friends," Sawyer continued, picking at a thread on his jeans.

Gale's heart twisted in his chest. He'd believed Blakely and Helen when they said this past week in Wyoming was the least wound up they'd seen Sawyer in a while. He wasn't as rambunctious as the others had figured out they had the space to be running around the Bucks property causing trouble. But he was content to play Animal Crossing in the basement with Micah, and was chattier at dinner with anyone than Gale remembered him being when he'd seen him a little over a year ago.

"You’re still gonna see most of ‘em at home bud, the only ones that don’t live there are our crew." Gale said as he sat down next to him. "And we’re gonna be in New York to visit in a couple months,"

Sawyer only huffed, resting his chin on his knees.

"’s not the same." He said into the material of his jeans, punctuated by a hiccup. "Don’t know what’s wrong with me, I try to talk to people- but nobody wants to talk to me, they just don’t like me,"

Sawyer's breath hitched and Gale felt his throat tighten, ducking his head down for a second to compose himself. It wasn't new information- he'd heard bits and pieces of it from Blakely. But it wasn't issue he'd had with Josie or Micah- and he found himself wishing he had a better sense of how to navigate it.

Wringing his hands, Sawyer looked at Gale expectantly.

"There's nothing wrong with you bud," He said after a moment, reaching a hand for the back of his shoulder, feeling the tremble in it still under the press of his palm. "You're a great kid- gonna find your people who see that- just gotta give it time,"

Sawyer took a shaky inhale and a few more tears escaped on the exhale, chin wobbling as he budged closer into Gale, hiccupping until he was positioned to let out a little sob into his neck.

"I know, you're okay," Gale murmured, trying to fish his phone out of his pocket without jostling the boy too much.

To: John ❤️

Can u tell Helen to come back in the house? Sawyer is a little upset about leaving.

uncle bucky and meadow biddick <3

Every second since Micah had come flying down the stairs a few hours ago screeching that Meadow was pregnant- that JJ had gotten her pregnant, had felt like some sort of fever dream. A fever dream John was only halfway jostled out of when his phone rang just as he was about to brush his teeth, the twenty-two-year old's caller ID flashing across the screen.

"That Meadow?" Gale said when he saw how John was looking at his phone from the doorway, John giving a little nod as he picked up the call, walking out of the bathroom to sink down into bed.

"Hey Mead," He started, soft. He could hear her breathing- and sniffling, on the other end.

"Have you talked to my dad?" She asked when she found her words.

"No, kiddo," he answered softly, absently rubbing the edge of his phone case with this thumb. "But Micah kind of told me what’s going on."

The line was quiet for a moment, Meadow's voice cracking a little when she spoke up.

"I don’t think he loves me anymore," She said, John's chest and his grip on his phone tightening.

He knew that wasn't true- would never be true no matter what she did. But from the bits and pieces he'd heard from Josie and Micah about how things had gone at the Crosbys, he almost couldn't blame her for being so wound up.

"No, hey- no, that’s not true at all," John said, tone a little firmer. "I haven’t talked to him yet, but I don’t need to to tell you that much."

"But he’s so mad," She said as her voice shook. "You weren’t there- I thought he was gonna kick me out till Jeanie said I could spend the night with them and he got all mad at her too."

John dropped his head back against the headboard, holding back a dry laugh when he saw the concerned look Gale threw him from where he was getting undressed.

"I'm gonna wring Curt's neck." He mouthed across the room at him before he went back to trying to think of something to say to Meadow that might actually be helpful.

"I’ve seen your dad mad a lotta’ times in my life,” He tried. “And he's got a cooler head in there somewhere, just takes some time for it to prevail."

"How much time?" she cut in before he'd fully finished his sentence. "He won’t even listen to daddy- I heard them arguing ‘cause he told him to calm down- he hates me."

John heard her breath hitch on the end and felt a lump forming in his throat as he listened to her resolve crumble. She tried to catch her breath to little avail, a sob escaping between sniffles.

"It’s okay, Mead," John said, gentle- and wishing Wyoming was a closer hop and skip from New York. "Don’t gotta cry, you're breakin’ my heart sweetie. I promise he doesn’t hate you- swear it on my life."

Meadow’s shaky inhale was enough to tell him she didn’t believe a word of that. But she managed to get herself calmed down at least- he imagined somewhat due to her sister coming in, Bry's voice entering faintly into the background.

"We’re gonna figure this out together- but you should try to get some sleep first, 'kay?' he said when he heard Bry pause, tapping his fingers against the back of his phone case.

"'Kay, Uncle Bucky."

Her voice was still wobbly, but she wasn't hyperventilating anymore and that was enough for him to feel okay about passing things over to her sister. He let out a sigh when he hung up, his phone buzzing a few seconds later.

curt biddick

Was Meadow on the phone with you just now?

John rubbed a hand over his face, pinching the bridge of his nose with an exhale before he went to respond.

john egan

Go tell your kid you still love her. Was breaking my heart listening to her cry like that.

Read 11:57pm

The blue bubble indicating Curt was typing blinked for a second before it disappeared and didn't return. John chewed on the inside of his cheek, annoyed at the stubbornness he in most ways felt he'd grown more acclimated to than anyone.

He gave it five minutes before shooting off another text.

john egan

I get it man, I do. But if you’re not gonna let her stay with the Crosbys you need to make her staying with her dads feel like a good thing. Flipping out isn't helping unless you want her running off to JJ once you're asleep.

The bubble blinked again- and a response followed it this time.

curt biddick

Got it. Thx.

#young vets au #gale cleven #john egan #sawyer blakely #meadow biddick #mota

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shaperaverse-brainrot · 4 months ago

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@steampunk-raven thank you so much, I'm going to do Han first and then maybe Sarah in a reblog at some point.

First Impression

Gotta admit I kinda panicked at first when Helen introduced her with "dark oriental magic she brings to us from the east" but literally the next line it turned out Paul Shapera was critiquing the trope rather than making her play right into it so...

Impression now

Where do I even begin. I love her. She's awesome. I wish I could draw or write her more but I really struggle making her look/sound as awesome as she does in my head. She might not be my absolute all time favourite Shaperaverse character but she's at least top six. Maybe top five.

Favourite moment

I really like the storytelling in Han Mi's storytime theatre. It's probably just her actor's voice (Psyche I think? My mind is blank right now) but the narration style in it is amazing. Oh and Han saying Mary "wouldn't send someone on a dangerous journey she wouldn't do herself" THE SIDE EYE IN THE VOICE I'M SORRY

My favourite oddly specific moment has to be when Han Mi shaking with tears and having just gone through one of the most awful moments of her life is begging Henry to get it up

Idea for a story

Well I asked for these characters to be sent just to procrastinate on writing a fic with Han in so...

Apart from that I would be really interested in exploring her flowering in comparison to Lloyd's. Maybe Lloyd can find her after a nightmare or she could admit that she's really been struggling dealing with everything and Lloyd draws comparisons between her and him hiding away after Matt's death.

Unpopular Opinion

I don't think I really have one? I think the closest I would have is that I wish we got more of her and Raven growing closer, especially given how important she is to Raven's while redemption arch thing. Like we have little snippets from twitter tales, Raven in Lost Fairy, and of course the postie cabaret, and it may just be me wishing for more happy postie content but yeah. And I wish we got Raven's reaction to finding out he not only had a daughter, but that daughter got to grow up, and start a family of her own

Favourite relationship

I have already ranted about her and Raven in the Raven ask I got, so I'll choose to speak about Han and Henry in this one. They're the only surviving members of the cabaret, and the fact that if Han could go on an adventure anywhere with anyone she'd go on a pirate adventure with Henry???? (If I recall correctly). I love them so much. And it is of my opinion that a big reason she couldn't skip Henry's wedding was because she was his best man (best woman?)

Favourite headcanon

She looks almost nothing like Raven or Isabela. Sure, maybe there's something in her smile, or in a curious expression she wears that looks so much like David getting used to the August Sky Playhouse, or when you see her from a certain angle and she holds herself in a similar way Isabela did, but you wouldn't know they were related unless you were told.

Even so, Raven likes to joke that she truly is their grandkid. She may not look like them, but she has a similar sense of humour to Raven, she can hold her own and plan shenanigans in a similar way Isabela did. She likes to give shiny gifts to people and experiment with her appearance and expression like her great-grandpa does.

And Raven is prouder of her than anything else. He doesn't know if Isabela would be, but he tells Han she would have been, anyway.

#shaperaverse #han mi

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lil228 · 11 months ago

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Red White and Royal Blue Wrap Up

Wrap Up

Rating: 9.5/10

Prediction Points: 7

Who I would recommend this book to: Any young people who are queer, or queer allies, those who like happy endings, people who like romance and don’t mind a little bit of cheese.

Quick Thoughts

It’s books like these that remind me why I read. I read to feel less alone, I read for enjoyment, I read to feel emotions. I read to connect with other people, and I read to become a better writer. This books did all of those things for me. I giggled and held back tears. It is books such as Red White and Royal Blue that make me feel like there is a place for queer romance in mainstream and literature and pop culture. The characters are well rounded, the plot is original, the romance believable and compelling. In short I love this book.

Characters

Favorite Character: Prince Henry and Amy.

The characters in this book were each unique and felt like real people. They spoke and acted like real people. The young 20 somethings behaved like real 20 somethings. They never used outdated slang, or acted like 45 year olds. All of the character who were supposed to likable were, and they were easy to root for. The book did a really nice job with Helen who could have easily been written as another workaholic parent who no time for her children, but she isn’t. It’s clear that she cares about her children, and views herself as a mother first and then the President. She is a realistic depiction of a mother who both loves her children, and can be frustrated by them at times. Each character felt unique, and everything they said (or typed/texted) and did felt real. Each character had a unique voice. I do wish we had either gotten more Pez, or that the author had cut him entirely, apart from the youth shelters he seemed to have little to no impact on the plot or other characters much- especially compared to June, Nora and Bea. I also wish that we had gotten mention of Amy having a wife or being trans a little earlier as I think it would have made the representation a bit more impactful.

Plot

I knew I wanted to read this book as soon as I heard the premise. I don’t normally read romance because I don’t enjoy reading about conflicts within a relationship, and I usually end up thinking one of the parties at least a little bit on an ass. However I adore forbidden/secret romance stories. I like these stories because the source of conflict comes from outside the relationship, rather than from within the relationship. This book also handles the enemies to lovers aspect really well. The characters have a genuine, honest conversation about what has caused the atomicity, and are able to work through it, and genuine apologies are given. I also like that the reason Alex doesn't like Henry isn’t something Henry did with malicious intent, but Henry still apologizes. I also really like that both Henry and Alex’s immediate families (minus Philip) were supportive. The spicy senses were implied in a tasteful way, but I was still a little uncomfortable reading them, but I really think that this comes down to the fact that I was reading the book at work, and that I am still new to reading books with that type of content.

Final Thoughts

This book was amazing. I know that it can be cheesy at times, but I think that’s part of why I like it. Not every queer love story has to end in disownment or disaster, sometimes the romance works out, and the characters are happy by the end. This book made me fall in love with reading all over again. The humor is great, and the serious moments do a great job at invoking emotions. This book was chalk full of distinct and likable characters. Both Alex and Henry are likable and charming in their own ways, both they and their romance was easy to root for. This book also dose a nice job at exploring some difficult topics such as homophobia, invasions of privacy, coming out, politics discovering ones sexuality, being outed, and public vs private images of public figures. It manages to handle of these topics while still managing to be a lovely romance. I love this book and have a feeling it will be one that I re-read at least a few times.

#books and reading #red white and royal blue #rwrb #book thoughts

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cartograffiti · 1 year ago

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July '23 reading diary

I'm reading so many books these days that I've decided monthly posts would be a fun way to think about what books are grabbing me and shove them in front of other people.

In July I finished 12 books, many of them really lovely.

This summer I've been reading all of Cat Sebastian's 20th century romances, because I'd already read all her 18th and 19th century ones. I like her work a lot, because it's full of really powerful romantic gestures and she writes domestic slice of life as well as crimes. In July I read the last three I needed to have read her whole body of work, and found a new favorite.

Peter Cabot Gets Lost and Daniel Cabot Puts Down Roots are the second and third in a romance series that can easily be read out of order, all about estranged queer members of a Kennedys-ish political family. Peter's is a 1960s coast-to-coast road trip about fresh college grads with outstanding grumpy for sunshine chemistry, and it's the one that became my new favorite (my previous favorite was A Duke in Disguise). It has a wonderful ease and warmth to it, and I would have cheerfully read a version twice as long.

His cousin Daniel's book has some odd pacing--the last several chapters all feel like bonus codas to the main arc--but I enjoyed it all so much I don't care. This one's a cozy plot of friends who everyone knows are couple except themselves, starring a music critic and a doctor in New York's East Village in the 1970s. This is a great pick for anyone who feels like romances tend to move too fast, since their relationship is well established when they decide to change it. Their attraction to each other has a lot of emphasis on each other's quirks and their opposing personal styles, which is deeply cute.

The third Cat Sebastian I read was We Could Be So Good, which is her new release. It's a touching story about New York newspapermen in the 1950s, with an astonishing amount of pining. Like, Pacific Northwest pine content. I remarked in my liveblog that I felt like I was watching pandas in a zoo: "Please fuck the whole world would love for you to fuck, top scientists are trying to set the mood for you." This was fun! I prefer her faster-moving and more explicit books, which is most of them, but it's nice to read about a personable couple helping each other over hurdles so they can kiss.

The English Eccentrics by Edith Sitwell is a book I read very slowly and finished this month. It's a very odd work of nonfiction from the 1930s, and I wish I could remember how I first got interested in it. It's an overview of a large number of historical people whose "eccentricity" ranged, for me, from delightful to pitiable to repellent. Sitwell's style is a bit dense and full of opinion in a way that made me question her research when she touched on figures I had some familiarity with, like the con artist Princess Caraboo. More intriguing than informative.

The Duchess of Bloomsbury Street by Helene Hanff is a more satisfying nonfiction pick, a memoir follow up to the hugely charming 84, Charing Cross Road. This book recounts American writer Hanff's visit to some of the long-distance friends she corresponded with in the first book. I find the first much more moving, as a person with many similar friendships, and I missed the additional voices of her friends, but it's a slim book and Hanff's humor and observations kept me entertained throughout.

And my favorite nonfiction in July was Girls Can Kiss Now, a book of essays on pop culture and queer identity by Jill Gutowitz. Gutowitz is older than I am, but we're close enough in age for events to feel very relevant to me as an individual, and she writes with a lot of approachability and lightness without sacrificing insight. If you're interested in how rapidly media handling of queerness changed in the last 20 years, this is great.

Threshold and Stormhaven by Jordan L. Hawk. I read Widdershins, the first in this series about Victorian boyfriends solving mysteries about eldritch horrors, in 2015. I never quite wanted to invest in buying the whole series, so I was delighted to find one of my libraries has an omnibus of the series in their e-collection. Hawk is very good at writing horror and sex, solid at writing mysteries, and maybe just okay at interpersonal arcs. These first books have some problems common to inexperienced writers and some pet peeves of mine (notably very irritating romantic jealousy), but they're loads of fun and a good amount of disturbing. Is it silly to nervously roll over in bed to cope with an alien shrimp's dialogue? Yes, but that's a selling point.

A Curious Beginning by Deanna Raybourn is the first Veronica Speedwell novel, and it took me a few months to read because I kept finding it a bit thin and putting it aside. I liked the resolution very much because it made the stakes I'd been missing real, and since Veronica and her love interest(?) have great chemistry, I look forward to reading the next. Pleasingly similar in tone and setting to Gail Carriger, though not Steampunk.

Frederica by Georgette Heyer. One of Heyer's best, I think. Heyer wrote a fairly narrow set of types for her main characters, and both of the romantic leads here are ones I like, who are natural and immediate collaborators and challengers for each other, plus great siblings and a chase after an out-of-control hot air balloon.

Hallowe'en Party by Agatha Christie, who only wrote books I've thought were great so far. This is a 1969 Hercule Poirot and Ariadne Oliver about the suburban murder of a 13 year old, preoccupied with generation gaps and 60s panics about the still fairly new concept of teenagers, ranging from marijuana and early computer technology to sex abuse and suicide. Great insights on the things people blame violent crime on because they don't want to consider malice, and lovely imagery about a famous garden designer's work. It's been adapted by Branagh as Death in Venice, and I'm very puzzled how they got from A to B. Don't pick this up expecting the vibe of that trailer. Do pick it up.

Thinking about young teens and murder brought me back to the Wells and Wong mysteries, an excellent recent middle grade series I started in the fall to surprise a friend with a treat for the Yuletide fic exchange. The second book is Poison is Not Polite in the US, originally Arsenic for Tea--you might want to look for author Robin Stevens instead of futzing around with varying titles to see whether you can borrow this series yourself. Anyway, both books so far are really strong, with cases that have enough subtlety and meat for me as an adult reader, and excellent writing on mystery tropes, race and class, and the particular frustrations of being about 13 years old. I'm deeply invested in Hazel and Daisy, and I loved this take on a classic house party case.

#reading diary #July July!#bookblr

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zot3-flopped · 2 years ago

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I watched AOTV on a leaked link and damn it was one boring documentary. Literally. The only part that made me emotional was the part about his mom.

He talked about 1d tooooo much. The first 10 to 15 minutes of the movie was about 1d and his time there and a whole pity story of how he didn't get those parts to sing etc. And then he bragged about having the most writing credits in the band. And when I thought he stopped talking about 1d and move on with the rest of the story, he starts to talk about 1d all over again to show how he had a tough time. If I put a $ each time I heard him mention the band or the members I would have gone bankrupt.

From 1d he moved to Jay and Fizzy's death which was fine bcz it was a tragedy that happened in his life. It was the only part in the documentary that felt like it needed to told to let everyone know how he felt. He was a bit condescending though during that part thinking he deserve a career in music bcz that was his mom's wish and she didn't want her death to stop him from going forward in his music career. The Tomlinson sisters makes an appearance multiple times during that part. And so does Olli and the homophobe Nizam.

From there he shifted to Freddie and talked about him fondly and lovingly with a lot of content about him. Freddie appeared in 2 stages in the documentary. 1. Louis becoming a father story with the beach scenes and etc. And 2. Freddie being at his solo shows part.

And then it was the same boring story we've heard him speak for the last 7 years. He had the same footage from the Away from home documentary released in 2021 in there as well. Then a few footage from his latam shows bcz why not? Those are the biggest venues he played and probably ever be able to sell out. So he was showing off the crowds in those footage to make others think he was doing a full arena tour saying he never thought he could sell these big venues. Liam and Niall made another appearance there when he talked about that Coca cola festival he did where Liam also played and the Mexico festival he did where Niall also played.

HE WAS SMOKING IN EVERY SCENE I kid you not!! Smoking in the recording booth, chainsmoking in his hotel rooms, venues, inside cars, private jets, even there was a clip of Liam vaping while he smokes during the coca cola festival. It was just endless amount of glorifying his smoking kink. It was disgusting. He was talking about his mom and sister's death and saying how much it affected him but had no problem glorifying drinking and smoking throughout the film. Even the instances where he wasn't physically holding a cigarette, you can still see smoke leaving his mouth meaning he was smoking then too. All the other times he had a glass or a cup full of whatever he loves drinking.

Then on he talked about Walls and FITF process. But emphasized more on FITF for obvious reasons. And how he found success and thinking he deserves it. That's when he showed those latam crowds as if to prove a point. There was only 1 clip of him in the recording studio and even there he was singing out of tune. There was a couple of clips of him doing vocal training with Helene like the one we saw in the AFHF documentary. He was complaining how he thinks he nailed the vocals during the training sessions with Helene but once he does the performance and watch the performance video he can hear him singing out of tune. Then he brushed it off by saying it was probably his head messing with him and Helene then boosted his ego by saying he did a good job and he should be proud of himself. She encouraged him by saying he sang Walls the song so well live acoustically somewhere which according to her is a tough song to sing.🤣

And then.... that's it!!! The movie started with him holding the UK #1 trophy and the movie ended with him holding it in the video we saw him share with the Official Charts as if to show he made it. But in reality it was his only achievement he could show off.

There was no substance or depth to the documentary and I wasn't impressed by Charlie's directing there. It looked so cheaply made. Even the filters used were meh. It seems like he had nothing interesting show or say about his life throughout the documentary so it dragged on boringly for 2 hours with the audience ending up knowing nothing new about him.

Thank you for this thoughtful, detailed review. 💜

Shame Louis couldn't restrain himself from smoking in every scene - it's such an abominable example to set to his young fans. I bet he spends a fortune on private jets just so he can suck on those cancer sticks. He's disgusting.

He really does need to find some new talking points, doesn't he? He's not the only person to lose his mother in his mid 20s, and he still has five siblings who all seem to adore him. He has enormous wealth privilege and this victim narrative he's spinning out isn't convincing.

#all of those voices

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paperbackpercolate · 2 months ago

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Review: "The Radleys" by Matt Haig

Published: 2010 Page Count: 384

Just about everyone knows a family like the Radleys. Many of us grew up next door to one. They are a modern family, averagely content, averagely dysfunctional, living in a staid and quiet suburban English town. Peter is an overworked doctor whose wife, Helen, has become increasingly remote and uncommunicative. Rowan, their teenage son, is being bullied at school, and their anemic daughter, Clara, has recently become a vegan. They are typical, that is, save for one devastating exception: Peter and Helen are vampires and have—for seventeen years—been abstaining by choice from a life of chasing blood in the hope that their children could live normal lives.

Date Started: 28 October 2024 Date Finished: 2 November 2024

While vampires in suburbia seems like the setup for a c-tier soap opera or the punchline to a middling funny joke- the concept when executed well is comedic and compelling at the same time.

On top of the worries of being a normal high schooler- like studying for upcoming exams or trying to find out if the girl you have a crush on likes you back- you now have to deal with your uncontrollable thirst for blood?

Matt Haig’s “The Radleys” follows the titular family living an idyllic British middle-class life while hiding the fact that they’re vampires. But when youngest daughter Clara’s bloodthirst causes her to attack a boy from school, the family is thrown into a crisis they’re unsure they can get out of.

This book plays into a lot of tropes found in the average sitcom in suburbia. The parents who maybe aren’t as in love as they should be, the fear of affairs or divorce looming overhead. The moody teenage son who’s hopelessly in love with a girl out of his league. The precocious and cynical younger sister. And who could forget the bad influence uncle who makes a surprise appearance?

While these archetypes are well-known, and frankly over-done, the vampiric twist on them is what makes them interesting.

The twists and revelations within the story are formulaic, but the looming anxiety and anticipation as you know what’s coming next makes the book more interesting than if the reveals came out of left field with no foreshadowing or hints left previously in the story.

As far as vampiric world-building goes, it features both vampires that are born and vampires that are created. These vampires are also less-so immortal, and more-so extremely long lived- which means they’re capable of aging, if at an incredibly slow rate.

And these vampires don’t need blood to live. The Radleys begin the novel as “abstainers”- vampires who subsist on a meat heavy diet rather than the blood of humans.

This book didn’t leave a profound impact on me, and I’m unlikely to re-read it in the future. But it was a fun read and had an interesting take on vampiric lore which I can appreciate.

I recommend this book to anyone who grew up wishing they were a vampire, anyone who DVRs “The Real Housewives,” and anyone who feels their family could benefit from open communication.

"You reach a certain age- sometimes it's fifteen, sometimes it's forty-six - and you realize the cliche you have adopted for yourself isn't working"

#currently reading #reading #october of 24 #bookworm #vampire #matt haig #the radleys #fiction book #fiction novel

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rhianna · 10 months ago

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The Tower

What shall I do with this absurdity— O heart, O troubled heart—this caricature, Decrepit age that has been tied to me As to a dog’s tail? Never had I more Excited, passionate, fantastical Imagination, nor an ear and eye That more expected the impossible— No, not in boyhood when with rod and fly, Or the humbler worm, I climbed Ben Bulben’s back And had the livelong summer day to spend. It seems that I must bid the Muse go pack, Choose Plato and Plotinus for a friend Until imagination, ear and eye, Can be content with argument and deal In abstract things; or be derided by A sort of battered kettle at the heel.

I pace upon the battlements and stare On the foundations of a house, or where Tree, like a sooty finger, starts from the earth; And send imagination forth Under the day’s declining beam, and call Images and memories From ruin or from ancient trees, For I would ask a question of them all.

Beyond that ridge lived Mrs. French, and once When every silver candlestick or sconce Lit up the dark mahogany and the wine, A serving man that could divine That most respected lady’s every wish, Ran and with the garden shears Clipped an insolent farmer’s ears And brought them in a little covered dish.

Some few remembered still when I was young A peasant girl commended by a song, Who’d lived somewhere upon that rocky place, And praised the colour of her face, And had the greater joy in praising her, Remembering that, if walked she there, Farmers jostled at the fair So great a glory did the song confer.

And certain men, being maddened by those rhymes, Or else by toasting her a score of times, Rose from the table and declared it right To test their fancy by their sight; But they mistook the brightness of the moon For the prosaic light of day— Music had driven their wits astray— And one was drowned in the great bog of Cloone.

Strange, but the man who made the song was blind, Yet, now I have considered it, I find That nothing strange; the tragedy began With Homer that was a blind man, And Helen has all living hearts betrayed. O may the moon and sunlight seem One inextricable beam, For if I triumph I must make men mad.

And I myself created Hanrahan And drove him drunk or sober through the dawn From somewhere in the neighbouring cottages. Caught by an old man’s juggleries He stumbled, tumbled, fumbled to and fro And had but broken knees for hire And horrible splendour of desire; I thought it all out twenty years ago:

Good fellows shuffled cards in an old bawn; And when that ancient ruffian’s turn was on He so bewitched the cards under his thumb That all, but the one card, became A pack of hounds and not a pack of cards, And that he changed into a hare. Hanrahan rose in frenzy there And followed up those baying creatures towards—

O towards I have forgotten what—enough! I must recall a man that neither love Nor music nor an enemy’s clipped ear Could, he was so harried, cheer; A figure that has grown so fabulous There’s not a neighbour left to say When he finished his dog’s day: An ancient bankrupt master of this house.

Before that ruin came, for centuries, Rough men-at-arms, cross-gartered to the knees Or shod in iron, climbed the narrow stairs, And certain men-at-arms there were Whose images, in the Great Memory stored, Come with loud cry and panting breast To break upon a sleeper’s rest While their great wooden dice beat on the board.

As I would question all, come all who can; Come old, necessitous, half-mounted man; And bring beauty’s blind rambling celebrant; The red man the juggler sent Through God-forsaken meadows; Mrs. French, Gifted with so fine an ear; The man drowned in a bog’s mire, When mocking muses chose the country wench.

Did all old men and women, rich and poor, Who trod upon these rocks or passed this door, Whether in public or in secret rage As I do now against old age? But I have found an answer in those eyes That are impatient to be gone; Go therefore; but leave Hanrahan For I need all his mighty memories.

Old lecher with a love on every wind Bring up out of that deep considering mind All that you have discovered in the grave, For it is certain that you have Reckoned up every unforeknown, unseeing Plunge, lured by a softening eye, Or by a touch or a sigh, Into the labyrinth of another’s being;

Does the imagination dwell the most Upon a woman won or woman lost? If on the lost, admit you turned aside From a great labyrinth out of pride, Cowardice, some silly over-subtle thought Or anything called conscience once; And that if memory recur, the sun’s Under eclipse and the day blotted out.

III

It is time that I wrote my will; I choose upstanding men, That climb the streams until The fountain leap, and at dawn Drop their cast at the side Of dripping stone; I declare They shall inherit my pride, The pride of people that were Bound neither to Cause nor to State, Neither to slaves that were spat on, Nor to the tyrants that spat, The people of Burke and of Grattan That gave, though free to refuse— Pride, like that of the morn, When the headlong light is loose, Or that of the fabulous horn, Or that of the sudden shower When all streams are dry, Or that of the hour When the swan must fix his eye Upon a fading gleam, Float out upon a long Last reach of glittering stream And there sing his last song. And I declare my faith; I mock Plotinus’ thought And cry in Plato’s teeth, Death and life were not Till man made up the whole, Made lock, stock and barrel Out of his bitter soul, Aye, sun and moon and star, all, And further add to that That, being dead, we rise, Dream and so create Translunar Paradise. I have prepared my peace With learned Italian things And the proud stones of Greece, Poet’s imaginings And memories of love, Memories of the words of women, All those things whereof Man makes a superhuman, Mirror-resembling dream.

As at the loophole there, The daws chatter and scream, And drop twigs layer upon layer. When they have mounted up, The mother bird will rest On their hollow top, And so warm her wild nest.

I leave both faith and pride To young upstanding men Climbing the mountain side, That under bursting dawn They may drop a fly; Being of that metal made Till it was broken by This sedentary trade.

Now shall I make my soul Compelling it to study In a learned school Till the wreck of body Slow decay of blood, Testy delirium Or dull decrepitude, Or what worse evil come— The death of friends, or death Of every brilliant eye That made a catch in the breath— Seem but the clouds of the sky When the horizon fades; Or a bird’s sleepy cry Among the deepening shades.

1926

#project gutenberg #william butler yeats #wb yeats #yeats #literature #the tower

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blairsanne · 6 months ago

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I think the personality we saw him with at the beginning of season one was a huge defense mechanism. “No one really cares about me, so I’ll just not care back.”

Yes, this exactly! Agreed!

I'm not saying Mike and Michelle should get back together, but I would want to see Michelle open up more to Anders if they stayed together. I could see their relationship being one of the season-long plots; trying to figure out what each other wants, etc.. It would be really cute if they could soften up a bit. I don't have much of an opinion on Hannah as far as her compatibility with Mike, but I did like her in general.

Honestly Loki stressed me the heck out basically every time he showed up. He was the one character that I was always "afraid" of what he'd do to the others. XD I question how the whole "the Johnsons will always beat losers like you" thing works if Ullr is in Asgard...

I didn't mind Helen herself, but once she got with Anders, she went off the deep end, just like Eva did with Ty. I think it's interesting how, in the examples we are given in the canon, it seems like when god-spouses get together, the mortals lose more of their free will and behave in ways that they wouldn't normally. I'm thinking of Eva and Ty (both), Anders and Helen, Anders and Gaia, and also Hannah's discussion of why she had to choose Axl over Mike (some of which is deleted content iirc). Helen acts pretty normal with Ty, but starts getting really obsessed with power, and how much better the gods are than mortals when she's with Anders. Hannah says that the goddess always wins. Eva talks about there being another her inside her that makes her act the way she does in S2 (in the scene where she's crying in bed and tells Ty she wants a baby).

Gaia references "this thing inside" her that's bigger than her, forcing her to be with Anders. Anders talks about dissociating while he's with Gaia and even thinking about how messed up it is as it's happening, saying it was like he was watching himself do it.

To that end, I personally don't think Anders and Gaia (the mortals) had any particular interest in each other, and I believe both of them when they repeatedly say how much they didn't want to do that -both generally, and because they both love Axl so much.

I do find it irritating that Gaia seemingly gets a pass and is often acknowledged as a victim of the gods in the scenario (by the characters in the show), but Anders is blamed and expected to have single-handedly stopped it (despite telling Mike and later Axl that he tried as hard as he could to do so, and wasn't able to).

Unfortunately, Anders is the way he is, so he makes stupid and insensitive remarks while defensive, and that's read as him "not caring" or "enjoying" what happened, but when he's alone I don't think you could say he seems to be carefree and enjoying himself. He looks very stressed/serious and introspective, which I interpret as him trying to deal with the internal conflict of fighting Bragi's will. (Which he fails at.)

I would argue he is also somewhat swayed by Bragi's will when it comes to Helen, because despite them being a lot more compatible, there's tension in their relationship when Helen starts redecorating his apartment, sits in his chair in the office, tells him how to use his powers at the restaurant, and (worst) how Helen sees Dawn as a threat. Anders's decision to send Dawn away can be interpreted as him trying to protect her, and/or him choosing Idun over her.

It is surprising to me, then, that he's able to break up with Helen and decide to bring Dawn back (and he seems relieved to get to claim it was Ty's idea, imo). Considering the way Anders doesn't seem to know anything about Helen after she's died, I get the impression that Anders and Helen (the mortals) weren't all that close either, despite Bragi and Idun being so into each other. (They basically just slept together a lot and tried to make money?) It's such a weird and crunchy idea that I wish we could have seen more examples of.

Ty and Eva, as the main other example (since we don't see that much of Hannah) also painted Eva as the evil one in the relationship, as though she was personally doing something to Ty, when it was Hel and Hod that were both influencing them.

The Eva we meet in S1 is not the person she is by the time she is killed, and the cause of that change is Hel meeting Hod. She's blamed for the behaviour changes in Ty, and who can blame the characters (and in many ways the audience) for thinking that when we have known Ty so much longer and better -- but I would say that if you really pay attention, and especially with the other examples as context, Eva is just as much of a victim as Ty in the scenario (well, more, since she does get murdered, but not the point I'm getting at). Something Ty himself seems to feel in some scenes. Despite being in love with Dawn, Ty is loyal to Eva and I think that's as much Ty being a sweetheart as it is Hod exerting his will.

Olaf said that it always ends badly for Idun, but I tend to wonder if it doesn't just always end badly for all parties when the god spouses meet.

Man, this show is just so interesting!

I just finished my first rewatch of taj. This time around, I noticed more than the first time I watched. I was actually paying more attention to the storyline instead of just watching Dean in every scene and how good he looked lol.

I felt bad for Anders and how everyone treated him, even up until the last episode. Yeah there were times when he acted like a prick but hey that’s his character and I understand him putting up a wall and acting the way he does because if how others treat him. Still loved Ty. Yeah at times it was a little creepy with his approach to Dawn but I love the ending how it all turned out for them. Still cried. Mike, still can’t stand him. I think this time around I found him even more annoying. I almost got to the point where I had to wither mute when he was talking or just outright skip it lol. Axl was better this time around. First time I found him really annoying but this time he was better. Love Zeb, hilarious! Love all the goddesses still, except Gaia. Don’t even get me started on her! Especially the storyline with her and Anders. Nope hated that part, couldn’t watch it this time.

I loved it even more this time around! Since finishing it, it got me thinking about it they did go ahead with a season 4 and what would play out. I would’ve loved to see how each of them adapted to their life now without their god powers and who would embrace the new change, who would struggle the most, would they change anything about their life or try and keep it steady? Who knows!? And then what about Axl moving back in with Zeb, do you think he’d eventually start telling him everything or just leave that all in the past and build a new friendship? What are your thoughts on if they did another season and what they would tackle?

Yay, talking about TAJ is one of my favourite things!!

I fully agree re: Anders. I often feel sad for him when people who watch the show accept his brothers' opinions of him as fact, despite Anders himself repeatedly trying to tell them that he does the right thing often, that he's trying to protect them, etc. -- and the audience even being shown that effort on his part multiple times. It grinds my gears that other characters thinking Anders is a shallow jerk is taken as a statement of fact from the writers and not, y'know, the character's opinion.

Anders may not have the same set of ethics as Mike, but he clearly has his own set of ethics (which he brings up in S2 when he's uncomfortable with Helen's ideas for his powers, in S3 with Colin's ideas for his powers, etc...) and doesn't see his own actions the way his brothers interpret them, and I think it's a very uncharitable reading of his character to think of him as flat and selfish, instead of the very complex character that was actually written into the show, with flaws and good points and complicated family dynamics where mostly there's a lot of misunderstanding of each other going on. I could probably ramble on about that forever, but I'll refrain.

Mainly I wish that viewers would take Anders word for it what his own motivations are, because he does outright state them at multiple points, right from the first season where he explains that the thing that got him BANISHED FROM HIS FAMILY was done in an attempt to protect Mike.

I really disliked Mike my first viewing, because I felt like he caused a lot of strife for other characters by being inflexible and believing he knew best. As I've rewatched, I've come to better appreciate his character and the immense burden he bears. I think his attempt at controlling his family is his own way of trying to protect them, and that this was caused by the events surrounding both the toxic relationship of his parents and that he was forced to be the head of the family at age 21. (I still get annoyed with him during the S3 Odin contest stuff but I also headcanon that it was a "fate" thing to force Odin and Frigg together.) I try to remind myself that every character on the show thinks they are in the right, and why that might be.

I have a theory about Gaia, but that's a whole other essay lmao.

My answers to your questions re: S4 will be somewhat colored by the deleted scene from the final episode, which reveals what Colin was doing tossing a red gem on the ground before the Ga.

In the deleted scene (which they filmed in case they got renewed for S4), Loki comes out of the gem, and we were left with Loki and Colin standing in the woods, apparently about to cause some problems.

With that in mind, I have to assume that the Johnsons would discover Loki was in Midgard and try to do soemthing about it. I further assume that at least some of the other characters would have god spirits inhabit them again (mainly because that's more interesting than them coming back to Earth on their own and interacting with mortal Johnsons).

I think it would be REALLY interesting if they didn't necessarily get the gods they had the first time around. Maybe Odin doesn't want to leave Asgard, so Axl becomes another god. Maybe Freki, just for the lols. Maybe they find some new McGuffin that allows other mortals (liek Zeb and Dawn) to take on god spirits!

Re: Zeb and Axl living together, given how long their friendship was, I headcanon that - much like Dawn - Zeb would eventually start to remember Axl, and maybe everything. Alternatively, maybe part of the season is Axl finding a way to make Zeb remember!

Just re: the Johnsons being mortal in general, I have a bit of a hc where, since Mike's career wasn't based on his powers, he'd go back to construction (maybe rebuild the bar to sell it), and Axl would work for him. Anders (who I assume does know how to do his job, despite no longer being able to just Bragi his clients) might even do promo for the construction business. Ty could still be a courier, and as the only one to actually live as a mortal since turning 21, I think he'd have the easiest time of it, especially with Dawn remembering him and all.

I think initially there would be a lot of razzing Mike by challenging him to games and beating him, but overall I think Mike might actually feel really happy to get to be included in those games again after so long. I think losing Ullr would really help Mike chill out. Or, at least, I hope that for him.

I don't really see Michele and Anders working out long term unless Michele started to take Anders seriously. She didn't really seem to understand him very well even in S3. I did feel like Anders seemed to want a more serious relationship (not necessarily that he wanted what Ty or Mike would want, but just that he seemed to be looking for emotional connection in S3, and not only physical, perhaps because of the whole Idun plot?) so I could see with not having Bragi anymore that he might settle down a bit and get a gf. I've always sort of thought maybe mortal women didn't seem like suitable gf material to him because they couldn't know about everything going on (like he saw how being with Val was complicated for Mike) and that's why they're always little flings. We do see him treat Michele and Helen pretty well imo (not cheating on them, taking them seriously as people, etc.), so I thought maybe he would do better with a goddess gf. (See Lofn fic lmao)

Ahhh that was a lot of rambling, but I'm always happy to talk more about TAJ!! Thanks for the ask :)

#the almighty johnsons

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newsatsix1986 · 2 years ago

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With the words that have been shared by some members of The Newsreader's community in the recent month or two, it's been a complex minefield for me to navigate. Outwardly I have appeared happy and business as usual, but internally it's been a bit different.

The Newsreader to me and many others is a mixture of a lot of things; beautiful stories of connection between complex characters, strong, lovable characters we can see ourselves in and can be inspired by, and stories from history that are compelling, joyous and also harrowing and gutwrenching. I try to focus on everything here at News At Six 1986, and to further tell all the stories that the writers have started, with as many characters as I can utilise for this.

For a good while this month I have been finding myself second guessing a lot of things I've done in relation to my content. It's been like I've felt alienated from the community just because I wasn't further fuelling the fire of a certain headcanon ship, and offering a holistic experience and a perspective that was different to that. Was I really seeing the show the wrong way because I personally don't follow that narrative eagerly? Was I the weird one to see it as being more than just the Dale and Tim show and wanting to create fan content focused on more than that? Was there even a place for my content at all? Some things said in relation to Dale and his sexuality - both explicitly and in a round about way - have also hit very personally for me as a bi girl too, making me question myself in that regard too; something that I shouldn't be made to feel or do.

With the reassurance of some wonderful people behind the scenes, I have reconciled that there IS a place for what I create, and there are definitely some people that will appreciate it. So continuing along this path is something that I shall do!

I want this post to serve as a gentle reminder. It is okay and lovely to fiercely love a ship in a show, but it is not kind at all to go on the posts of people who offer the different perspective to try to derail it or dissuade them from it, nor is it okay to say that the writers have made a "mistake" by not following through on your personal wishes for the show. I am personally Helen × Dale, but I will never go on someone's Dale × Tim post to dissuade them. There was one user here on Tumblr I had to block due to harrassment on my posts and also showing similar disrespect to friends and the writer's vision for his own show.

It's also vital that you ensure the way you do discuss Dale and his sexuality does not intentionally or unintentionally perpetuate messages of biphobia. He wouldn't be automatically happier if he had an intimate relationship with Tim - his self-acceptance journey is more complex than that - and his queer identity is just as valid when he's in a relationship with Helen. I wasn't any less queer when I was with my ex-boyfriend; for example, nor was I just gay in denial. My complex feelings about my self-acceptance wouldn't be automatically resolved if I had a girlfriend; there's more to it than that. Both sets of feelings co-existed genuinely. The world is more than just gay and straight - the in between exists, and as this show stands right now, that's what it represents.

Also please ensure that how you speak about Helen doesn't further spread mental health stigma or underlying misogyny - holding her to a higher standard than the male characters for the times she might make rash decisions, voices her opinions, or struggles. She should be afforded the same empathy as Dale in her moments of crisis. The show is a dual lead and her story matters too.

Michael Lucas - the show's creator - has made it very clear that Dale's love and attraction and need for intimacy with Helen is real, whilst obviously acknowledging his attraction to men, and that both characters don't neatly fit into labels in relation to their sexuality (Dale) and mental health struggles (Helen); that there is a purposeful sense of ambiguity and an unconventional nature to their relationship, but the love and care between them is undeniable. They sit authentically in the mess of life, and many have identified with them, including myself. I see myself in both of them. How lucky we are to have them, and they both should be celebrated, supported and accepted as such. As should everyone in general.

~ Erin 💖

#helen norville #anna torv #dale jennings #sam reid #the newsreader #a post that I have tried to word as kindly and gently as possible so I hope this is appreciated

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sevlgi · 4 years ago

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hit and run

requested: no

group: blackpink

pairing: rosé x fem!reader

genre: a shit ton of angst, some fluff

contents: idol!rosé, actress!y/n, closeted!rosé, costar!au, slight enemies-to-lovers, unhappy endings because i’m a bitch, a lot of attempted cinematic parallels, italicized dialogue is when they’re speaking as their characters

warnings: slight homophobia

synopsis: There’s absolutely no reason for you to get involved with a costar who you should hate by all accounts. But of course, you manage to forget that love is usually more like a hit-and-run than a cruise ship.

a/n: while i was writing this, i imagined this as what happened before rosie sang “gone”, so maybe you can think of it like that too? i’m honestly so terrified of this flopping lmao...

for a little background on the film: Y/N plays Luna, a pirate captain who unknowingly sacrificed her family in order to have the power to fight the regime that Rosé’s character Helen is a part of. Helen approaches Luna, determined to help her bring justice, but Helen is unable to choose between the benefits of staying with the regime, and following what she knows is right and destroying her life as a result.

word count: 6.8k

The last thing you want to hear on the morning of your first script reading is that the actress playing your love interest in the film has changed.

“What?” you say loudly, straightening in the backseat. Your manager frowns, and you sit obediently, but the scowl doesn’t leave your face. “What do you mean the actress changed?”

“Yeah. She had to leave the movie at the last minute,” he sighs.

Sooyoung was chosen alongside you, after lengthy interviews testing whether the two of you would be able to handle your characters’ dynamic. It took weeks for the director to decide that you were the pair that she wanted, so the news that you’ll be meeting your costar for the first time in front of paparazzi is quite the shock to your system. “Shit. Then who’s the replacement?”

Your manager presses his lips together firmly before answering, “Park Chaeyoung. She’s an idol.”

You groan and slump down again. “Great. Another idol actress? Please don’t tell me that this is her first role too. Oh god, is she straight?”

“Yes to all of the above,” Chan says tensely.

Maybe you’re being dramatic, but it’s honestly a big deal. It’s the first leading role you’ve bagged, especially in a mainstream LGBTQ+ movie, and Sooyoung was the best costar you could’ve picked. You’ve never met Park Chaeyoung before, and you already know that all your plans are going to be messed up.

Chan pulls the car into the parking lot, and you scowl when you realize that most of the paparazzi have arrived. “We’re going around the back. Y/N, promise me one thing: don’t make a scene, okay?” your manager pleads. “I’m not happy about it either, but Chaeyoung has a good reputation. You’ll just ruin yours if you blow up at her.”

“I promise,” you answer through gritted teeth. You slip through the open side door as soon as you get out of the car, ignoring Chan’s call after you to have a good time like you would’ve.

To make matters worse, you don’t even get a chance to talk to the director or Chaeyoung before you’re swarmed by a crowd of reporters, even if that ‘talk’ would’ve consisted of more yelling than anything. “Y/N, Y/N!”

“Okay, let her up!” Seulgi shouts, pushing her way through. She grips your arm to lead you towards the cast table, whispering under her breath, “I’ll explain later. But just run with it, okay?”

You have plenty of problems with idol actresses, but you’ve never been inclined to say all those problems to their faces. Until now, that is. Now, you’re sitting shoulder-to-shoulder with a girl you know has absolutely no credentials to be playing the other role in your upcoming movie, resisting the urge to ball your script up and throw it in her face.

There’s nothing wrong with Park Chaeyoung as a person-- she’s admittedly gorgeous, probably sweet, and you’re sure she isn’t a bad actress in any sense. The only thing wrong with the situation is that she’s painfully straight and auditioning to be your love interest in what might be Korea’s first mainstream lesbian film, and that you have never spoken to her before.

Chaeyoung avoids your stare with a clenched jaw, and in normal circumstances, you would already be apologizing profusely for making her uncomfortable. In this circumstance, though, your obvious grudge against her only contributes to the dynamic her character is supposed to have with yours.

“Miss Kang, is it true that the actors were only picked today?”

The director grimaces, and the both of you turn to look at the cameras flashing by the sides of the room. It was never the plan to allow paparazzi to sit in on the first reading that you and Chaeyoung would be doing together, especially since it’s true that Chaeyoung was only chosen hours ago, after the original actress bailed. Even though your grudge should be against the girl who left, it’s easier to glare at the one sitting next to you. “Not exactly. Y/N has been confirmed for the role of Luna for months, but we recently added Chaeyoung as Helen. But we can assure that their chemistry will be wonderful,” Seulgi reassures the audience. What a lie.

Yet another reporter calls out, “How much of the script will we be seeing today, and when will the trailer be released?”

“Since the casting was changed today, the trailer has been delayed,” Seulgi says. You can hear the panic in her voice, and clear your throat. “As for the script… we’re only doing part of one scene that will show up in the trailer today, so we’ll just let them begin. Y/N?”

As you take a sip of water to prepare yourself, you almost hope that Chaeyoung messes up her part. It would be bad press, sure, and it would only contribute to Seulgi’s stress, but it would be satisfying for her to realize that she doesn’t deserve her part. She’s just an idol, after all, and she’s taking away representation from the people who need it.

“Are you saying you’re better than me?” you begin, your voice ice-cold.

You watch Chaeyoung’s throat bob, but her voice is steady and clear when she says her line. “No! I’m not saying that I’m better than you… but by all accounts, there’s no way you should have this power.”

“Would you be less scared then?” You pause, watch as Chaeyoung’s expression changes to the panic that her character’s would. “I’m kidding, Helen. I did things to get these powers, things that I’m not proud of.”

“Why would you do that? You’re strong… you don’t need them.”

“I’ve never been-- shit.” The tips of your ears start to burn, and suddenly, your lines are swimming before your eyes. Maybe all your hoping and wishing that Chaeyoung messes up has reflected onto you instead.

She attempts to remind you, “I haven’t always--”

“I know,” you hiss, but your voice is too loud in the silent room. Chaeyoung turns bright pink, too, but you still can’t seem to say your lines out loud. Shit, shit, shit--

“I’m just trying to help,” she sighs.

You whip your head to glare at her, and she winces at the daggers you send in her direction. “Shut the hell up--”

“Okay, the script reading will end here,” Seulgi announces loudly, and you bite down hard on your tongue. You don’t dare to look at the other cast members, don’t dare to think about how they must be guilting you for cutting their PR short. “Thank you everyone, please leave with security.”

You stay in your seat, staring at your script with burning eyes until you feel a hand on your shoulder and jolt. “Hey,” Chaeyoung reminds you, “we can leave.”

“Don’t touch me” is your only answer, and you storm out of the room. Alone.

The next time you see Chaeyoung is the next day, at a script-reading that the paparazzi knows nothing about. (You do see a friend request from a Park Chaeyoung the night before, but you ignore it.)

Seulgi attempts a smile, but it doesn’t hide the bags under her eyes. She claps and raises her voice to get the cast’s attention. “Okay, everyone. We didn’t get what we wanted yesterday, but that’s fine. Um… let’s try yesterday’s scene from Chaeyoung’s part, okay? From ‘you don’t need them’.”

Chaeyoung nods. “You’re strong… you don’t need them,” she starts, worry tinging into her voice.

“I haven’t always been strong,” you reply, your voice harsher than it should be just to stop yourself from messing up again.

“Still. Powers aren’t everything, Luna, it’s too hard to have them.”

You sigh. “Newsflash, princess. It’s harder not to.”

“But--” Chaeyoung interjects.

“Did you ever think,” you cut her off, “that I didn’t care that it’d be hard? Did you ever think that the rest of us are tired of you abusing the thing that you’re given, but we have to fight for?”

You look right to Seulgi once you finish, ignoring the part underneath that says you should look to Chaeyoung at the end of the scene. The director smiles anyway. “That was great, you two. I think you capture the tension perfectly, which is a relief.”

You fight the urge to laugh. “I know that changing our main cast so close to the actual production is really difficult,” Seulgi sighs. “And I’m really sorry to inconvenience you all. The schedule is really squished now, and we just have to work through it. Chaeyoung, Y/N, all I ask is that you try to work together, okay? I know you’ll be amazing together.”

Chaeyoung speaks, possibly for the first time besides her lines. “Of course, Ms. Bae. I’ll do my best.”

“I’m sure. We have to cut this short, again, but we’re scheduled for costume fitting right now,” Seulgi groans. “We have to at least get the outfits for the trailer to fit. Sorry, everyone. Down the hall, okay?”

Of course, you and Chaeyoung have to get fit together. The only sound in the hallway is that of her heels clicking on the wood, and you resist the urge to shout at her to stop. Luckily, you arrive in the fitting room before you can.

Your eyes widen at the dress hanging there. It’s incredible, even without the layers that would support the skirt-- you can’t even imagine how the beading and pink silk would look on Chaeyoung. Ethereal, probably. “Y/N, yours is here,” the costume director laughs, beckoning you over.

Even though your own outfit isn’t nearly as opulent, you can’t help but admire the gold detailing on the cuffs and the tailoring. “Thank god yours doesn’t take so much sewing,” the director grunts, pinning the side. “You know, the two of you are going to look fantastic in these, even if we have to spill all that blood on them to shoot the trailer.”

“Sooyoung would’ve looked better.” It’s mean, and it’s a low blow, but the director doesn’t take your bait.

She pokes her head out to where Chaeyoung’s being fitted. “Now? Okay, Y/N, go out there. We need to take a look at the two of you together.”

You can’t stop your jaw from dropping when you see Chaeyoung. She’s all candyfloss hair and gold adorning her tiny waist, and in all her glory, you can’t stop yourself from thinking that maybe she was made for the role. “You look really good,” she compliments softly.

Nodding stiffly, you turn for the seamstresses. Chaeyoung moves to fiddle with her gloves when she realizes that you have absolutely no interest in continuing the conversation.

Well, if there’s one thing you can nitpick about her, it isn’t how she looks; she looks absolutely perfect for the role of Princess Helen, maybe even more perfect than Sooyoung.

One of the costume directors steps in. “Okay, you can get changed out, but you have to come back in a few hours,” she tells you. “We have to make a lot of changes, then fit you again.”

You step down from the podium, going towards your dressing room without a second thought until Chaeyoung calls for you. “Y/N? Do you want to have lunch later? In your trailer or something?”

“Sure,” you answer, barely glancing back. When you do, all you see is her with shiny puppy eyes, and in her giant gown, it’s eerily similar to the role she’s supposed to be playing.

“It’s nice. You’ve decorated it?”

You nod absentmindedly, clearing the narrow couch off for yourself to sit on, since Chaeyoung has taken the only chair that could fit in the trailer. “Yeah. I mean, I’ve had it for a few months, so.”

She winces. “I’m sorry.”

“For what?” you frown. Chaeyoung apologizes too much, but at least she’s upfront about whatever she has to say.

Your costar sighs, “For usurping the role? You must’ve gotten attached to Sooyoung, and it’s got to be horrible for me to just… arrive like this.”

“You know… that’s part of it.” You can’t lie; a big part of the resentment you hold against Chaeyoung is the fact that she took a role meant for someone else, someone you were friends with. “The other thing… I don’t like idol actresses,” you tell her.

Chaeyoung’s brows furrow, and she leans forward. “Why? I mean, why don’t you?”

You pause to think about it. “Well… I mean, think about it like this. Sooyoung and my auditions went for weeks before we were chosen, as a pair. Didn’t you get this role because you were an idol? You had to audition, sure, but I bet you just flashed a few smiles and read the script and got chosen. How is that fair?”

She opens her mouth to speak, but you hold your hand up and continue, “And the other thing. You’re straight.”

Chaeyoung chokes on air at that, spluttering, “What? You hate me because I’m straight?”

“No,” you say incredulously, “Well, I don’t hate you. But you being straight, and landing the lead role in a film like this… you’re taking away representation. And that’s kind of shitty of you.”

The air inside the trailer becomes suffocating, and Chaeyoung’s fiddling with the jacket in her lap finally stops when she throws it aside and stands up. She sounds like she’s about to cry when she says quietly, “Have you ever considered that I’m not straight? It’s not… it’s not that easy to be out about it--”

“Oh, cry me a river,” you groan. “Look, I apologize for assuming, but if you want to act in lesbian roles, you can’t pretend to be straight. It’s all for your fans, isn’t it? Another part of being an idol--”

She stands up, then storms right out of the trailer without another word, the door banging closed. The only thing you can do in response is sigh and utter a quiet, “Shit”.

Perhaps it’s just your luck that the first proper scene you have to film with Chaeyoung is your culminating kiss scene.

It shouldn’t be in the trailer at all-- according to the scene schedule, the two of you would’ve filmed your scenes together in chronological order, and the kiss would’ve been at the end, hopefully after a reconciliation between the two of you. However, for some inexplicable reason, it’s going to be the first one you do, without a single second of rehearsal.

You’re a one-take wonder, and you always have been, but you can’t help but think about how impossible it’s going to be to pull off such an intense scene with someone you just fought with. Sighing, you lean over to fiddle with your hair; it’s slightly tangled now, and there’s a fake scrape on the side of your cheek.

At a side, Chaeyoung is similarly beat up, fake blood smeared on the left side of her face. Her long hair has been put in an updo and then taken down, and parts of her dress are ripped; to you, she looks more like Helen than herself now.

“Okay, everyone, are we ready? Positions, please!”

You arrange yourself on the ground where you should be, holding a handkerchief to your cheek like instructed as Chaeyoung stands by the camera to run to you. Exhaling sharply, your eyes meet hers for the first time in days. “Action!”

Chaeyoung sprints to you as soon as she’s cued, falling in front of you in a heap. “Luna,” she gasps, reaching a gloved hand out to the ‘injured’ half of your face.

“I’m fine,” you smile weakly. The camera hovers by Chaeyoung’s shoulder, and you soften your gaze as much as possible as your hand comes up to hers.

The other girl only moves closer, her eyes scanning yours and her dress surrounding the both of you like a sea of gauze. Her nose is almost brushing up against yours, and you mutter softly, “Be careful. I don’t want you to do anything you don’t want.”

“Well, what do you want?” Chaeyoung implores, almost inaudible. Her breath quivers, and you feel it when you reach forward to cup her jaw. “Luna, what do you want right now?”

“I’m not making a move until you tell me to,” you shake your head.

The blonde’s hands slip off your face, and she braces herself on your thighs instead. She laughs breathily, “Coward.”

“Your coward, huh?”

Chaeyoung pauses, scraping her teeth across her bottom lip. It’s so quiet that you think you could hear a pin drop, and the torches held up by the crew flicker across her face so naturally. “If you want to be.”

There’s probably another line that comes after, but with Chaeyoung so close to you, it swims blurrily in your mind. So instead, you just lean up, pull her down, and connect your lips.

She plays along, thankfully, stumbling slightly in her character’s eagerness to get a little closer. The only thing you can hear is Chaeyoung’s slight gasp when you let your hands wander down to her waist, and it’s almost scary how absorbed you are in the scene.

“Okay, cut!” Seulgi’s shout breaks you from your trance, and you hold your hands up as if in surrounder. Chaeyoung’s cheeks are red yet again when she sits up, staring anywhere other than you.

Your director hops off her chair to run towards you, a huge grin on her face. “That was perfect,” she shouts. “Y/N, I think you forgot a line? But it worked out amazingly. The one-take wonder, right?”

You grin when she pats you on the shoulder, a little harder than necessary. Apparently, all your worries were for nothing, as you and Chaeyoung stand to monitor your own shot in the screen next to Joohyun.

You can’t even hear all the praise she showers on the two of you, and you pay no attention to all the details she points out that apparently showcase your perfect chemistry with your costar. All you feel is a slight squeeze on your hand, hidden in the mess of fabric by your side.

You jolt awake at the sound of your phone ringing loudly by your side, finding an unknown number as the caller ID. Accepting hesitantly, you greet, “Hello?”

“Y/N? Did Chan give me the right number?”

Oh. It’s Chaeyoung. “Yeah.” You clear your throat in an attempt to sound a little less drowsy, then repeat, “Right number. Why’d you ask Chan?”

“Well, it’s kinda hard to find you when you never accepted my request,” she laughs quietly. “Um, I have to record the OST today, and I was wondering whether you’d want to come watch? Chan said you didn’t really have any scenes later today.”

“Um. Okay. I’ll ask Chan to bring me,” you answer, then hang up. Your head swims slightly, partially due to the fact that you woke up to the piercing sound of your ringtone and partially because you just don’t understand why Chaeyoung’s reaching out again. You should be the one apologizing, after the tangent you went off on, and you highly doubt that your kiss scene doubled as an apology. Of course, you’ll take it.

Your manager is more than pleased to pick you up this time, but thankfully, he doesn’t question you. If he did, he’d probably be the one you shouted at.

The studio is honestly too small for two people, probably hastily set up, but you recognize the recording equipment from a video of Chaeyoung recording one of her group’s songs. And you recognize the girl already standing in the recording booth, waving you over. “Hi,” she smiles, and for all you try, you don’t see a hint of malice.

“Hey,” you mumble, taking a seat. “Uh… I’m sorry.”

“Wow, straightforward,” she tries to joke. “What for?”

You scratch the back of your neck, sighing, “For assuming, for blowing up on you, for… I don’t know, kind of everything. I’m an asshole, even if what I said wasn’t wrong.”

Chaeyoung chuckles, fiddling with the mic. “I mean, I appreciate the apology, but I wasn’t great either. You definitely had some truth behind what you said, even if it was kind of too to the point.”

“I know. You were just trying to apologize and help us become civil, and I kind of ruined it,” you hum. The other girl adjusts the lyric stand as you continue, “But I’m hoping you understand why I had to say what I did?”

“I do,” she agrees. “You’re definitely right that it’s not good representation at all, I just wish you had heard me out.”

You nod uncomfortably, changing the way you sit on the couch just to distract yourself. “So… you’re gay? I’m just asking because I don’t think I’ve ever heard you talk about it, and I’ve seen plenty of your interviews.”

“So you watch my interviews?” Chaeyoung teases. When you scowl, she just smiles, “I can’t say specifically, but I am confused. You said last time that it’s just another part of being an idol, and you’re… you’re right. It’s taboo for idols to be gay, even though Korea’s opening up to it a bit more now. So even though I want to, I don’t think I can ever be out about it.”

“I understand. And I’m sorry,” you say quietly.

She swallows, throat bobbing. “Thank you. Hey, Y/N… would you mind singing with me?”

“What?” You stare up at her incredulously; it’s not like your singing would make the other girl faint on the spot, but you definitely don’t possess an angelic voice like hers, either.

But maybe it’s an olive branch. “Just… can you match this note?” She hums, and you attempt to create the same pitch. “Okay. Can you do the chorus part in that key, while I do it in the main one? We’ll sound better like that,” Chaeyoung offers.

Against your better judgement, you stand, and shuffle into the recording booth next to her. “If this sounds bad, you’re taking the blame,” you warn, and she giggles while twisting the stand so you can see.

You do sound good together, maybe to a level that you would’ve never anticipated.

You know that something’s off when Chan doesn’t wake you up bright and early on your birthday, even if Seulgi already promised that you wouldn’t have to go to work on the day of. After spending many a birthday with him, you’ve already gotten used to him tugging you up just to take you outside and celebrate somehow.

You know something’s especially off when you hear a female voice cursing from your kitchen, and smell something burning.

“Who the shit-- Chaeyoung?”

The girl turns in surprise, caught red-handed with a piece of burnt toast pinched between her fingers. “Um. Hi?” she offers weakly.

Suddenly self-conscious, you cross your arms over the faded sweatshirt you wear. In your own apartment, Chaeyoung is leagues more put-together in the summery dress she wears, her dyed hair tossed in a braid and glitter shining at the corners of her eyes. “Hello?”

“Chan said you wouldn’t be awake for a few hours,” she sighs, shaking her head as she tosses the toast in the trash. “And I wasn’t supposed to burn the toast.”

“What were you supposed to do?” you question, stepping closer. There’s a cake box on the counter, as well as a couple suspicious tubes of icing right by it, and you think you know what’s going on.

Chaeyoung huffs out an exasperated breath. “I was supposed to surprise you. Chan has something going on at home, so he sent me to supervise your birthday instead. Obviously, I messed that up.”

“It’s fine,” you shrug, taking a seat at the counter and reaching for the icing. “I’ve always wanted to decorate a cake anyway.”

She looks surprised at that, but a smile breaks out across her face. “Really?”

“Really,” you confirm. It’s partially a lie, but you’re decently sure that Chaeyoung will refuse to let you do most of the work anyways. “Uh. I’ll just change first, and then we can get that going?”

“Yeah,” she grins, and you take it as your cue to scurry off to the bedroom.

By the time you come back, there’s a plate of not-burnt toast on your counter, and Chaeyoung’s pouring out two glasses of the juice that you can never bring yourself to buy because of the price tag. “I hope you like it, this is one of my favorites.”

“Like it? I love this,” you gasp, surging forward to pick up one of the glasses. “It’s expensive as hell, though.”

“Well, I couldn’t get you a gift, so I thought a nice morning would suffice,” Chaeyoung laughs. She unties the bow on the cake box to reveal a completely bare vanilla cake, a few packets of sprinkles that you hadn’t noticed now lying next to it. “Do you want to start?”

“Oh, sure.” You choose the blue icing after a bit of debating, and pick up the spatula that your costar offers you. “You didn’t have to, though, I would’ve been okay on my own today.”

Chaeyoung shrugs, “I mean, I didn’t have anything else to do, and I wouldn’t like to be alone on my birthday.”

“How do you usually celebrate?” you question, glancing up at her.

She pauses to think, then answers, “Well, I do live with my members, so we’ll get something to eat. Sometimes, we’re on vacation, so we just do what we can, but I like staying in the dorm to receive the things that their families send me.”

“It sounds sweet.”

“It is,” she grins. “I honestly don’t know what I would do on my own, it seems lonely-- Oh. I’m sorry.”

“What for? It is kind of lonely,” you admit, squeezing a glob of icing out. It’s definitely not as graceful as you would’ve appreciated, and you catch Chaeyoung stifling a laugh. “Chan lived with me at the beginning, but he eventually moved out when I got a girlfriend. Obviously, that didn’t laugh.”

“Sorry,” the other girl repeats again, and you wave a hand out. “When was that?”

“She moved out two years ago,” you answer. “And I’ve been alone since. Or, lonely, not always alone.”

Chaeyoung nods just so that you know she heard you. She accepts the icing tube when you hand it to her, making a spiral that’s infuriatingly better than yours. “How about you? I know you said you aren’t out, but have you dated yet?” you question.

She shakes her head, admitting, “Not yet. I don’t really know how to, you know? You assumed I was straight when you first saw me, so I think everyone else does too.”

“Sorry,” you say, an echo of her.

Your costar doesn’t respond, only setting the spatula down once the basic blue icing is smooth. “I think we’re supposed to refrigerate this before decorating, right?”

You grimace. “Well, I don’t know. I stopped watching cake videos years ago, so I’ll just listen to you.”

Chaeyoung hums and ties the box back up. “Okay, then I’ll just do it. Um, do you mind ordering chicken or something while we wait?”

“Sure.” Reaching for your phone, you ask, “Would you be opposed to romcoms?”

“I’m never opposed to romcoms,” the other girl answers.

You have to remind yourself to order two servings of chicken, something that you haven’t done in a while. But it’s comforting, in a way, to not be alone again.

“Can you believe we’ve only got a week left of filming? I feel like I haven’t seen you at all.”

You wince guiltily, even though you know that Yerim doesn’t mean it. Acting with your friend was originally a huge incentive for you to accept the film’s role, but the two of you quickly discovered that you had almost no scenes together, and with your push-and-pull with Chaeyoung, you forgot all about it. “Sorry, Yerim.”

She makes an incredulous expression, swatting your arm. “Don’t be ridiculous, Y/N. I’m happy you’re pursuing love and all that, and besides, we’ll have plenty of opportunities to act together.”

Blinking, you set your cup down on the counter. “Pursuing love?”

Yerim raises her eyebrow and says, “Yeah. Aren’t you and Chaeyoung together yet? We’ve been filming for two months, I’ll be shocked if you still haven't kissed and made up.”

“Uh. Well, we’ve kissed, but I don’t think it counted,” you frown.

Your friend sighs and rolls her eyes. She’s all too used to how dense you are, and apparently, she’s finally gotten tired of it. “You’re an idiot. You literally met the morning of your first script reading, and you knew each other for… what, a week before you had your kiss scene? There’s got to be something there.”

“No.”

Right on cue, a few of the other cast members arrive, Chaeyoung sandwiched between them. “Have you seen the articles?” Nayeon grins, waving her phone around in the air. She’s drunk, obviously, but you have to indulge her.

“Which articles?”

She shoves the screen in your face as an answer, and you cringe when you find a screencap of you and Chaeyoung. “You won’t believe the chemistry-- nope, I’m not reading that.” You hand the phone back to Nayeon, then press it in her hand when she doesn’t take it. Yerim sends you a knowing expression, one that you definitely don’t like.

“Aw, come on! It’s good press,” Nayeon whines. “And a great kiss scene.”

“Don’t be weird,” Chaeyoung warns. She doesn’t seem to be drunk at all, though she does look fantastic in the silver dress that she wears. Your eyes linger on her for an embarrassing amount of time.

Nayeon pouts. She’s bubbly-- you’ve learned that much through acting alongside her in a total of three productions so far. You note that your costar doesn’t seem to be so accustomed to her temperament yet. “You’re no fun, Chaeng. We all know you enjoyed it.”

She goes bright pink at that amidst Yerim’s joking coos. “The token straight, converted?” your friend gasps, and you elbow her to stop her from going too far.

Apparently, it already has. “I didn’t!” Chaeyoung defends herself.

“Prove it,” Nayeon demands, slipping when she attempts to lean on the counter next to you.

Chaeyoung goes silent at that, apparently unable to find a way to ‘prove it’. You finally sigh, “Okay, I think that’s enough teas--”

If it wasn’t for the fact that you’ve long since memorized your entire script book, you would almost think that Chaeyoung reaching forward to tug on the front of your shirt is a scene between your two characters. After all, it’s perfectly in character for your eyes to widen comically as the other girl kisses you right on the lips.

It’s also in character for Nayeon to start whooping next to you when your hands wrap around Chaeyoung’s waist to pull her in closer. You part at the noise. “You certainly look like you liked it,” Nayeon grins.

“Yeah, get a room,” Yerim follows, and you shove her.

“You know what? Maybe we will.” Ignoring your friends’ jeering, you grab Chaeyoung’s wrist and lead her down the hallway, though not to a bedroom like you joked you would. “Hey. You okay? I didn’t know if that teasing crossed a line,” you whisper worriedly.

She bites down on her lip, but instead of answering you, Chaeyoung tilts your face up and leans closer, only stopped by your hand on her wrist. “Chae…”

“I’m sorry, this… this isn’t what you want, is it?” She steps back, mouth already opening to apologize, but you stop her from leaving you alone in the hallway.

“Shouldn’t I be asking you that?” With the flashing neon lights echoing in her eyes, you can’t tell what Chaeyoung’s feeling, and you can’t tell if she’s willing to answer you properly at all. “I’m not making a move until you tell me to.”

Still, you don’t hear her say a word, until your grip starts to loosen on her wrist. “Did you drive here yourself?” she finally asks, barely audible. You nod hesitantly, and Chaeyoung’s voice grows firmer when she says, “I’m telling you to make a move.”

“I thought you were questioning?”

She swallows hard and takes your hand. “Not anymore.”

You don’t taste any alcohol when you lick your lower lip, and so, you nod. It’s stupid, especially considering how quickly your time together is about to end.

But for once, you know what you want.

“Good luck out there, Chae,” you smile, arms wrapped around the girl’s waist.

“Thanks,” she hums, adjusting her hair yet again in the mirror. “We’re almost done filming, I have to promote us well so that we have enough money to at least put the damn film out.”

“Mm.” Your thumb smooths over the sliver of skin exposed by her top, and you place your chin on her shoulder to look at the two of you together.

She glances down at you. “What? Are you thinking about something?”

“Sort of,” you shrug. “I just can’t believe we’re almost done, but we… we just started this. You know, this thing between us.”

“Yeah, it’s definitely a thing. But it doesn’t have to stop with filming,” Chaeyoung says offhandedly.

Raising an eyebrow, you question, “Doesn’t it? It’s going to be suspicious for us to constantly be seen together after filming together, I’ve seen the way your fans behave. Especially while you’re not out.”

“I think I can negotiate that with my company,” the other girl shakes her head.

You joke, “What, you release another two albums if you get to come out about having a girlfriend?”

“Do you want to be my girlfriend?” Chaeyoung responds immediately. Her ears pink endearingly, and you wait for her to clarify, “In secret for now, obviously. But… one day, I’ll be out about it. I promise.”

“Don’t make empty promises, okay?” You press a kiss to her bare shoulder and let her go when you hear a knock at the dressing room door. “Do good!”

“Alright, Chaeyoung, it’s about time that we ask you some questions about your upcoming film, isn’t it?”

“Yeah, absolutely,” your costar smiles, and you raise your head from your phone to watch the screen. She’s sitting cross-legged across from some of the most famous idol interviewers in Korea, absolutely poised and natural even in front of the crowd that cheers over the interview.

The woman behind the podium clears her throat. “A huge talking point in Korea right now is your chemistry with your costar, Y/N. How exactly do you pull that off, since you’ve never experienced a relation like that?”

Chaeyoung laughs nervously, tucking her hair behind her ear. “Oh. Well, um, I don’t have much experience with relationships at all, so--”

“Really? A pretty girl like you must have had a boyfriend or two before.” You despise the way that the interviewer leans in conspiratorially, as if the prying questions weren’t completely scripted. “But you seem a little to pretty to have experienced that, am I right?”

The crowd laughs with her, but Chaeyoung glances behind the scenes, probably to where her own staff sits. “You know, you can tell me if you ever felt… uncomfortable during filming,” the interviewer continues on. “Y/N has been out for years, hasn’t she?”

“Oh, she has…” You’re practically fuming, but you also can’t seem to pry your eyes away from the screen. All of Chaeyoung’s practiced idol-charm has seemed to dissipate into thin air, and she’s practically blending into the wall as she sits there.

The Chaeyoung you know-- no, the Chaeyoung that you’ve come to know, wouldn’t stand to hear something like that. You’ve watched her argue with a scriptwriter, and you’ve watched him get fired because he said something incredibly offensive, even though it wasn’t about you. But here, she sits still and just listens to the interviewer discuss you behind your back, and she says nothing about all the disgustingly backhanded comments.

The thing is, you don’t care about Chaeyoung not being out. You were closeted for enough time yourself, and you know how hard it is, so you’d never wish it on her; but watching her completely let go of all her personal principles just for a stupid interview is just another reminder that you’re letting go of your own. Chaeyoung won’t ever speak up, you realize, because her career comes before anything else. And you can’t stand for that.

“I’m leaving,” you tell the guard standing outside of your door. Only increasing your anger, tears start to burn in your eyes, and you scrape your sleeve across your face as roughly as you can. Chan picks up on one dial, and you say furiously, “Pick me up. It’s over.” In more ways than one.

Chaeyoung shivers at the top of the hill, where she’s supposed to be filming her closing scene with you. She hasn’t seen you for the past week, and after how disastrous her interview was, she’s pretty sure she knows why.

“Where’s Y/N?” she finally asks her makeup artist, giving in to her own curiosity.

Felix shrugs, reaching to mess with the blood on her hairline. “I have no idea, honestly, I haven’t seen her yet. She’s never late, though, you don’t have to worry. You’ll get your scene done.”

“That’s…” Chaeyoung sighs. That’s why she should be worried. “Right.”

“Okay, can we start?” Seulgi shouts. It’s started to rain, but with the excited look on the director’s face, Chaeyoung figures that it suits the scene even better than the gray clouds that had been planned. “Great. Chaeyoung, Y/N!”

Your hair is plastered to your forehead with the rain, and water makes your blouse cling to your curves; with the grim expression on your face, Chaeyoung could easily just mistake you for your character. “Hi,” you mutter, taking a seat on the grass right next to your costar. You say nothing else.

When cued, Chaeyoung takes a deep breath before her line. “Luna. I love you.”

For a second, Chaeyoung thinks you won’t respond, but the rasp to your voice proves her wrong. “No. No, you don’t.”

“I think I’m the one who should be deciding that, don’t you?” The blonde raises her eyebrows, reaching forward hesitantly for your shoulder.

Of course, you dodge it. Blinking the rain out of your eyes, you’re resigned when you ask, “You have your birthday gala tonight, don’t you?”

“Yes, but--” Chaeyoung swallows, lets her hand make contact, then continues, “I’m spending as much time as I can with you, aren’t I with you right now?”

“But you’re going.” It feels like you’re staring right into Chaeyoung’s soul when you speak, as despondent as your voice is. She nods, and you stand, her hand slipping off of your shoulder and into her lap. “Then go. You’re still a princess at the end of the day, aren’t you?”

“At the end of the day, yes…”

“You can’t do that. You sneak out onto my ships, get my people to love you and protect you, and then turn right back to your family to stay safe while we die for you. You can’t say you support our cause and then go back on it when it’s inconvenient for you, it doesn’t work like that!” Chaeyoung flinches at how intense you sound; at this point, she barely knows if it’s still acting. She can only hear her own heart in her ears, can only see your chest heaving from how quickly you spoke, and it all feels too real.

“What, do you want me to get found out?” Chaeyoung demands, getting to her feet as well. The rain becomes harsher, angled so that it perfectly blurs her vision of you. “I’ve saved your ass just as many times too, don’t pretend like I’m not a valuable part of your ship!”

“You’re still pretending.” Realizing that it’s not the right line, Chaeyoung opens her mouth to stop you, but your voice chills her into silence when you speak again. “You’ll always pretend, as long as it benefits you, won’t you? You can’t do that, Helen, not if you ‘love me’. Putting a crown on your head doesn’t mean that you’re a princess. Until you realize that, and until you’re willing to embrace it, you don’t love me. and I don’t love you.”

None of it is the script. None of it is the scene that you rehearsed a thousand times together in your trailer, but somehow, it makes Chaeyoung’s heart quaver in her throat so much more than the original lines ever did.

And when you drop your gaze to the ground, turning to walk off into the rain alone, she knows that to you, your entire relationship is already done.

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