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a telltale heart

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Into great silence

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𝔴𝔢’𝔯𝔢 𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔬𝔫𝔩𝔶 𝔱𝔴𝔬 𝔰𝔱𝔲𝔡𝔢𝔫𝔱𝔰 𝔰𝔱𝔲𝔡𝔶𝔦𝔫𝔤 𝔩𝔞𝔱𝔢 𝔞𝔱 𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔩𝔦𝔟𝔯𝔞𝔯𝔶. 𝔴𝔬𝔲𝔩𝔡 𝔶𝔬𝔲 𝔩𝔦𝔨𝔢 𝔱𝔬 𝔰𝔱𝔲𝔡𝔶 𝔱𝔬𝔤𝔢𝔱𝔥𝔢𝔯?

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Currenlty Reading: "The Vampire Lestat" by Anne Rice

Published: 1986 Page Count: 496

Plunge back into eighteenth-century France, into the castle where we meet the young Lestat: child of impoverished aristocrats, heroic hunter of wolves, at odds with his tyrannical father, running away to join a traveling troupe of actors.  We see him in the licentious Paris of the day, first apprentice at a boulevard theater, then its most celebrated actor, idolized, adored by many and--night after night--watched by one . . . until, in a sleep filled with dreams of the wolves he killed as a boy, he is shocked awake by a dark figure and suddenly, horribly, eternally joined to the unholy brotherhood.

Date Started: 13 November 2024

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𝔰𝔩𝔢𝔢𝔭𝔶 𝔰𝔲𝔪𝔪𝔢𝔯

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Château de Dampierre by bonvoyagecleo.

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My strength returns to me with my cup of coffee.

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Review: "Hangsaman" by Shirley Jackson

Published: 1951 Page Count: 240

Seventeen-year-old Natalie Waite longs to escape home for college. Her father is a domineering and egotistical writer who keeps a tight rein on Natalie and her long-suffering mother. When Natalie finally does get away, however, college life doesn’t bring the happiness she expected. Little by little, Natalie is no longer certain of anything—even where reality ends and her dark imaginings begin. 

Date Started: 3 November 2024 Date Finished: 14 November 2024

Shirley Jackson’s “Hangsaman” follows teenager Natalie Waite as she becomes more dissociated from reality during her freshman year of college. External pressures from her family, professors, and peers, as well as an internal desire to find herself result in Natalie’s grip on reality loosening.

Like many of Jackson’s novels, the prose at times is very “stream of conscious,” which can make it difficult to follow. But this writing style and confusion work to better illustrate the mental state of our protagonist- in reading her jumbled thoughts we become as unsure as her.

The idea of what a woman’s place in society should be is also explored throughout the novel. Natalie’s mother is depicted as weepy and morose- wanting desperately to hold on to Natalie while Natalie is determined to leave for college. Her mother’s rambling advice to marry better than she did results in Natalie primarily feeling pity for her mother.

This coupled with the closeness between herself and her father calls to mind a quote form Bonnie Burstow's "Radical Feminist Therapy: Working in the Context of Violence." “Often father and daughter look down on mother (woman) together. They exchange meaningful glances when she misses a point. They agree that she is not bright as they are, cannot reason as they do. This collusion does not save the daughter from the mother’s fate.”

This sentiment is further explored with the character of Elizabeth, a girl only a few years older than Natalie who dropped out of school to marry the University’s English Professor, Arthur Langdon, a man whom many of the girls at the University have a crush on and potentially have affairs with.

Elizabeth is depressed, drinking herself into a stupor on the daily. We learn she often forgets to extinguish her cigarettes, resulting in small fires that nearly kill her. Elizabeth is mocked by the other girls at the university and feels she has no friends; no one to confide in. This leaves Natalie torn between wanting to make a connection with Elizabeth, whom she feels sorry for, or to fall in line with the other college girls in their exiling of Elizabeth, which would give Natalie a place within the hierarchy of college life.

It's not until Natalie meets Tony that her thoughts of breaking out from societal norms and behaving strangely finally result in action. Natalie and Tony often act out their elaborate daydreams and imaginative realities. Tony is as much an ally as an antagonist to Natalie, encouraging her to be true to herself but also egging her on to take risks and behave erratically.

Truthfully, I spent much of the book unsure if Tony was a real character or just a projection of Natalie’s subconscious. And if I’m being honest, I finished the book still unsure. I think there can be merit in both interpretations- Tony as an external force acting upon Natalie or Tony as an internal expression of Natalie’s true desires.  

Overall, “Hangsaman” is an interesting read, falling more inline with Jackson’s “We Have Always Lived in the Castle” than her “Haunting of Hill House” in regards to supernatural activity and magical thinking. I personally believe that had I read this book in the later part of high school or during the beginning of my college experience, it would have made a bigger impact on me.

I recommend this book to anyone who has lied about their interests to try and fit in, people who entered college with an undecided major, and anyone who has been in a crowded public space and been overtaken by a deep desire to scream.

“The gap between the poetry she wrote and the poetry she contained was, for Natalie, something unsolvable”

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Review: "The Radleys" by Matt Haig

Published: 2010 Page Count: 384

Date Started: 28 October 2024 Date Finished: 2 November 2024

While vampires in suburbia seems like the setup for a c-tier soap opera or the punchline to a middling funny joke- the concept when executed well is comedic and compelling at the same time.

On top of the worries of being a normal high schooler- like studying for upcoming exams or trying to find out if the girl you have a crush on likes you back- you now have to deal with your uncontrollable thirst for blood?

Matt Haig’s “The Radleys” follows the titular family living an idyllic British middle-class life while hiding the fact that they’re vampires. But when youngest daughter Clara’s bloodthirst causes her to attack a boy from school, the family is thrown into a crisis they’re unsure they can get out of.

This book plays into a lot of tropes found in the average sitcom in suburbia. The parents who maybe aren’t as in love as they should be, the fear of affairs or divorce looming overhead. The moody teenage son who’s hopelessly in love with a girl out of his league. The precocious and cynical younger sister. And who could forget the bad influence uncle who makes a surprise appearance?

While these archetypes are well-known, and frankly over-done, the vampiric twist on them is what makes them interesting.

The twists and revelations within the story are formulaic, but the looming anxiety and anticipation as you know what’s coming next makes the book more interesting than if the reveals came out of left field with no foreshadowing or hints left previously in the story.

As far as vampiric world-building goes, it features both vampires that are born and vampires that are created. These vampires are also less-so immortal, and more-so extremely long lived- which means they’re capable of aging, if at an incredibly slow rate.

And these vampires don’t need blood to live. The Radleys begin the novel as “abstainers”- vampires who subsist on a meat heavy diet rather than the blood of humans.

This book didn’t leave a profound impact on me, and I’m unlikely to re-read it in the future. But it was a fun read and had an interesting take on vampiric lore which I can appreciate.

I recommend this book to anyone who grew up wishing they were a vampire, anyone who DVRs “The Real Housewives,” and anyone who feels their family could benefit from open communication.

"You reach a certain age- sometimes it's fifteen, sometimes it's forty-six - and you realize the cliche you have adopted for yourself isn't working"

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Review: "The Radleys" by Matt Haig

Published: 2010 Page Count: 384

Just about everyone knows a family like the Radleys. Many of us grew up next door to one. They are a modern family, averagely content, averagely dysfunctional, living in a staid and quiet suburban English town. Peter is an overworked doctor whose wife, Helen, has become increasingly remote and uncommunicative. Rowan, their teenage son, is being bullied at school, and their anemic daughter, Clara, has recently become a vegan. They are typical, that is, save for one devastating exception: Peter and Helen are vampires and have—for seventeen years—been abstaining by choice from a life of chasing blood in the hope that their children could live normal lives.

Date Started: 28 October 2024 Date Finished: 2 November 2024

While vampires in suburbia seems like the setup for a c-tier soap opera or the punchline to a middling funny joke- the concept when executed well is comedic and compelling at the same time.

On top of the worries of being a normal high schooler- like studying for upcoming exams or trying to find out if the girl you have a crush on likes you back- you now have to deal with your uncontrollable thirst for blood?

Matt Haig’s “The Radleys” follows the titular family living an idyllic British middle-class life while hiding the fact that they’re vampires. But when youngest daughter Clara’s bloodthirst causes her to attack a boy from school, the family is thrown into a crisis they’re unsure they can get out of.

This book plays into a lot of tropes found in the average sitcom in suburbia. The parents who maybe aren’t as in love as they should be, the fear of affairs or divorce looming overhead. The moody teenage son who’s hopelessly in love with a girl out of his league. The precocious and cynical younger sister. And who could forget the bad influence uncle who makes a surprise appearance?

While these archetypes are well-known, and frankly over-done, the vampiric twist on them is what makes them interesting.

The twists and revelations within the story are formulaic, but the looming anxiety and anticipation as you know what’s coming next makes the book more interesting than if the reveals came out of left field with no foreshadowing or hints left previously in the story.

As far as vampiric world-building goes, it features both vampires that are born and vampires that are created. These vampires are also less-so immortal, and more-so extremely long lived- which means they’re capable of aging, if at an incredibly slow rate.

And these vampires don’t need blood to live. The Radleys begin the novel as “abstainers”- vampires who subsist on a meat heavy diet rather than the blood of humans.

This book didn’t leave a profound impact on me, and I’m unlikely to re-read it in the future. But it was a fun read and had an interesting take on vampiric lore which I can appreciate.

I recommend this book to anyone who grew up wishing they were a vampire, anyone who DVRs “The Real Housewives,” and anyone who feels their family could benefit from open communication.

"You reach a certain age- sometimes it's fifteen, sometimes it's forty-six - and you realize the cliche you have adopted for yourself isn't working"

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Review: "Dark Places" by Gillian Flynn

Published: 2009 Page Count: 370

Libby Day was seven when her mother and two sisters were murdered in “The Satan Sacrifice of Kinnakee, Kansas.” She survived—and famously testified that her fifteen-year-old brother, Ben, was the killer. Twenty-five years later, the Kill Club—a secret society obsessed with notorious crimes—locates Libby and pumps her for details. They hope to discover proof that may free Ben.

Date Started: 22 October 2024 Date Finished: 27 October 2024

Gillian Flynn's sophomore novel Dark Places follows Libby Day, the lone survivor of the massacre of her family which was carried out by her brother Ben. But more than 25 years after the murders, Libby begins to question if Ben is really as guilty as initially believed. Told through chapters alternating from Libby's perspective in the present day, Ben's perspective the day before the murders, and their mother Patty's perspective on her last day, the storylines weave together revealing a truth that tragically only the reader is privy to. A family massacre with unclear motives committed on a farm in rural Kansas is very reminiscent of Truman Capote's In Cold Blood- a book that is almost always required reading for kids growing up in Kansas (which I was). As someone who grew up in Kansas, it was nice to know the places in Flynn's novel. I've been to Lawrence and Manhattan, I'm familiar with Kansas City, I know the geography of the Flint Hills. It was all familiar to me- but I think that even if you've never been to the Sunflower State, Flynn's descriptions take you there. The locations themselves are practically characters in their own rights. And while I had my suspicions on the truth behind the Day Family Murder, it wasn't until Flynn's twist reveal that all the pieces truly fell into place for me.

While this is not my favorite of Flynn's work (I loved Sharp Objects), it is nonetheless a compelling read. I recommend this book to anyone who grew up in Tornado Alley, anyone who was subscribed to Buzzfeed Unsolved, and people who find a protagonist in mental turmoil interesting.

Sometimes he felt like he'd been gone his whole life--in exile, away from the place he was supposed to be, and that, soldier-like, he was pining to be returned. Homesick for a place he'd never been.

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Review: "Strange Sally Diamond" by Liz Nugent

Published: 2023 Page Count: 317

Reclusive Sally Diamond is thrust into the media spotlight when she tries to incinerate her dead father, causing widespread outrage. Now she’s the center of attention, not only from hungry reporters and police detectives, but also a sinister voice from a past she does not remember. As she begins to discover the repressed memories of her horrific early childhood, Sally steps into the world for the first time, making new friends, big decisions, and learning that people don’t always mean what they say.

Date Started: 17 October 2024 Date Finished: 22 October 2024

Strange Sally Diamond is like a psychological case study from the perspective of the individual being studied. 

What begins as a simple story of misunderstanding and the inner world of a woman who self-describes herself as "socially deficient" quickly becomes a story of abuse, abduction, and lies. 

After her adoptive father's death, information concerning Sally's birth parents and the events of her adoption which turns her world sideways as she learns to come to terms with the truth of who she is. 

When beginning this book I found it very similar to Mark Haddon’s The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Nighttime. But as the story progressed I realized it was much darker and intense than I had initially assumed. 

Anyone who's taken an intro to psychology class is probably familiar with the "Genie Case Study"- the story of a little girl raised for the first several years of her life in extremely abusive and neglectful conditions. 

Without giving away too much of Strange Sally Diamond, let's just say that if you were moved or intrigued by that incident, or if you recall Lane DeGregory’s Pulitzer Prize winning article The Girl in the Window, you would enjoy this book. 

While in all fairness, the ending is a little bleak, the journey to get there is well worth the read. 

I recommend this book to anyone who enjoyed the 2016 film Room, if you have any interest in psychology, or if you enjoy morally gray and unreliable protagonists and deuteragonist.

"In the outside world, you will find more people who are kind than people who are not. Seek them out."

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cats and libraries ۫ ꣑ৎ

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𝔠𝔬𝔪𝔢 𝔰𝔦𝔱 𝔞𝔫𝔡 𝔢𝔫𝔧𝔬𝔶 𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔞𝔱𝔪𝔬𝔰𝔭𝔥𝔢𝔯𝔢 :)

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goodbye evergreen, you know I love you / everything heaven-sent must burn out in the end

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Review: "Final Girl Support Group" by Grady Hendrix

Published: 2021 Page Count: 352

Lynnette Tarkington is a real-life final girl who survived a massacre. For more than a decade, she’s been meeting with five other final girls and their therapist in a support group for those who survived the unthinkable, working to put their lives back together. Then one woman misses a meeting, and their worst fears are realized—someone knows about the group and is determined to rip their lives apart again, piece by piece.

Date Started: 14 October 2024 Date Finished: 17 October 2024

Imagine if the events of your favorite slasher movie actually happened. The events of several of your favorite slasher movies, in fact. When the killer's defeated and his final would- be victim is left still standing, what happens next? What becomes of the “Final Girl?”  Grady Hendrix's The Final Girl Support Group explores that. 

The novel follows Lynette Tarkin, the sole survival of a Christmas Eve slaughtering of her family when she was sixteen. But 28 years later, Lynette is still dealing with the trauma of the event. 

Enter The Final Girl Support Group- a place where 6 former final girls meet to discuss how being a final girl affects them. 

But when one of the final girls misses a session and is them found murdered, Lynette suspects that a killer is on the loose hunting down the final girls one by one. 

This book plays on various tropes of the slasher genre, as well as parodying various films- from Scream to The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Each of Hendrix’s Final Girls have origins that parody slasher series.

Lynette is for much of the book an unlikeable protagonist. She's paranoid, she's selfish, and she lies to everyone- including herself. This initial unlikability makes her character development throughout the story much more impactful considering where she starts the story. 

The book is full of quick paced action scenes and has multiple twists and turns that left me slack jawed.  

I recommend this book to anyone who loves slashers, is a true crime junkie, or thinks they would be the “Final Girl” in a horror movie.

"Dying isn’t the important thing. It’s nothing more than the punctuation mark on the end of your life. It’s everything that came before that matters. Punctuation marks, most people skip right over them. They don’t even have a sound."