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jsms01 · 2 years ago

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Meal Prep: The Key to Eating Healthy and Saving Time

Meal Prep: The Key to Eating Healthy and Saving Time

Are you tired of constantly struggling to maintain a healthy diet while also trying to save time? Meal prep might just be the solution you're looking for. By preparing meals in advance, you can easily control your portions, ensure that you're consuming the right nutrients, and save yourself a significant amount of time in the kitchen. In this article, we'll explore the benefits of meal prep, provide tips on how to get started, and share some delicious recipes that you can easily prepare ahead of time.

Table of Contents

- What is Meal Prep? - Benefits of Meal Prep - How to Get Started with Meal Prep - Plan Your Meals - Make a Grocery List - Prep Your Ingredients - Cook Your Meals - Store Your Meals - Meal Prep Recipes - Breakfast - Lunch - Dinner - Snacks - Tips for Successful Meal Prep - Invest in Good Quality Containers - Don't Be Afraid to Experiment - Make It a Weekly Habit - Keep It Simple - Conclusion - FAQs - Can meal prep help me lose weight? - How long can I store meals in the fridge? - Do I need to cook everything in advance for meal prep? - Can I meal prep if I have a busy schedule? - Is meal prep expensive?

What is Meal Prep?

Meal prep is the process of planning and preparing your meals in advance, usually for a week's worth of food. This involves cooking and portioning your meals ahead of time, so that they're easy to grab and go when you're in a rush. Meal prep can help you maintain a healthy diet, save money, and reduce food waste.

Benefits of Meal Prep

There are several benefits to meal prep, including: - Portion control: By prepping your meals in advance, you can easily control your portion sizes and ensure that you're not overeating. - Saves time: Prepping your meals ahead of time can save you a significant amount of time in the kitchen. This is especially helpful if you have a busy schedule or don't have a lot of time to cook during the week. - Saves money: Meal prep can also help you save money on groceries, since you'll only be buying the ingredients you need for your meals. - Reduces food waste: Meal prep can also help reduce food waste, since you'll be using up all of the ingredients you buy for your meals. - Encourages healthy eating: By prepping your meals in advance, you'll be more likely to eat healthy, since you'll have healthy meals ready to go.

How to Get Started with Meal Prep

Getting started with meal prep can seem daunting at first, but it's actually quite simple. Here are some tips to help you get started: 1. Plan Your Meals The first step in meal prep is to plan your meals for the week. This involves deciding what you want to eat for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, and making a list of the ingredients you'll need. 2. Make a Grocery List Once you've planned your meals, it's time to make a grocery list. Make sure to only buy the ingredients you need for your meals, and try to stick to your budget. 3. Prep Your Ingredients Before you start cooking, it's important to prep your ingredients. This involves washing and chopping vegetables, marinating meats, and prepping any other ingredients you'll be using in your meals. By doing this ahead of time, you'll save yourself valuable time during the week. 4. Cook Your Meals Once your ingredients are prepped, it's time to start cooking. Follow your meal plan and recipes to cook your meals in bulk. You can prepare large batches of food that can be easily divided into individual portions. 5. Store Your Meals After cooking, it's crucial to store your meals properly to maintain their freshness. Invest in good quality meal prep containers that are both microwave and freezer-safe. Divide your meals into individual portions and store them in the fridge or freezer, depending on when you plan to consume them.

Meal Prep Recipes

Here are some meal prep recipe ideas to get you started: Breakfast - Overnight oats with fruits and nuts - Egg muffins with vegetables and cheese - Greek yogurt parfaits with berries and granola Lunch - Quinoa salad with roasted vegetables and grilled chicken - Mason jar salads with mixed greens, chickpeas, and feta cheese - Wraps or sandwiches with lean protein, veggies, and whole-grain bread Dinner - Baked salmon with roasted sweet potatoes and steamed broccoli - Stir-fried tofu with mixed vegetables and brown rice - Turkey meatballs with zucchini noodles and marinara sauce Snacks - Fresh fruit slices with almond butter - Veggie sticks with hummus - Energy balls made with oats, nuts, and dried fruits

Tips for Successful Meal Prep

To ensure successful meal prep, here are some additional tips to keep in mind: 1. Invest in Good Quality Containers Investing in good quality meal prep containers will make storing and transporting your meals much easier. Look for containers that are leak-proof, durable, and easy to clean. 2. Don't Be Afraid to Experiment Meal prep doesn't have to be boring. Don't be afraid to experiment with different flavors, cuisines, and ingredients. This will keep your meals exciting and prevent you from getting bored with your food. 3. Make It a Weekly Habit To reap the benefits of meal prep, make it a weekly habit. Set aside a specific day each week to plan, shop, and cook your meals. Consistency is key to maintaining a healthy routine. 4. Keep It Simple Meal prep doesn't have to be complicated. Stick to simple recipes that require minimal ingredients and preparation. This will save you time and make the process more manageable.

Conclusion

Meal prep is a powerful tool that can help you maintain a healthy diet and save time in the kitchen. By planning and preparing your meals in advance, you can take control of your nutrition, save money, and reduce food waste. Start small, experiment with different recipes, and make it a regular habit. With meal prep, you'll be on your way to a healthier and more efficient lifestyle.

FAQs

1. Can meal prep help me lose weight? Yes, meal prep can be a helpful tool for weight loss. By controlling your portions and planning nutritious meals, you can better manage your calorie intake and make healthier choices. 2. How long can I store meals in the fridge? Most meals can be safely stored in the fridge for up to four days. However, it's important to check the specific guidelines for each ingredient and dish to ensure freshness and prevent foodborne illnesses. 3. Do I need to cook everything in advance for meal prep? Not necessarily. While cooking everything in advance can save you time during the week, you can also opt for partial meal prep. This involves prepping ingredients, such as chopping vegetables or marinating meat, and assembling meals closer to the time of consumption. 4. Can I meal prep if I have a busy schedule? Absolutely! In fact, meal prep is particularly beneficial for individuals with busy schedules. By investing a few hours over the weekend or on a designated day, you can have ready-to-eat meals throughout the week, eliminating the need for frequent cooking and allowing you to focus on other tasks. 5. Is meal prep expensive? Meal prep can actually save you money in the long run. By planning your meals and buying ingredients in bulk, you can take advantage of cost savings. Additionally, by reducing food waste through portion control and utilizing ingredients effectively, you can maximize your grocery budget. Read the full article

#Easymealprep #Healthymealprep #Ketomealprep #Mealprepcontainers #Mealprepforbeginners #Mealprepforweightloss #Mealprepideas #Mealpreprecipes #Veganmealprep #Vegetarianmealprep

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storiesofsvu · 3 years ago

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“Who’s the better cook?” For all your ships please 👀😌

oh boy.... lololol

Cabenson: we all know it's Olivia! like, canologically (a least in the later seasons) we see her cooking a lot, and it's a pretty big variety of dishes/cuisines. I like to think that she uses cooking as her relaxing time, it's a time to wind down and not really think about the day so she focusses on the recipe/food and making sure it's gonna taste good. Bonus points for Alex perched on the edge of the counter sampling everything as they go.

Calex/Calvak: Casey. again, Alex is a disaster in the kitchen, we all know it. girl will order takeout any night of the week and has no issues with it. Casey's the one meal prepping their lunches every Sunday, making sure they get healthy and balanced meals in. Her Sunday cooking days are for *her* though and she regularly shoo's Alex out of the kitchen so she has her own space. there's a few different meals, so there's lots of mess/dishes to deal with. Similar to Alex, Rita can't handle much past easy breakfast food, and she doesn't really want to/enjoy cooking either, not to mention she has the money to waste on takeout daily, or a professional chef, or a meal delivery service (one where the meals come already cooked and she can pop it in the microwave and just eat it)

Novelly: both Casey & Liz are pretty equal when it comes to the kitchen. Liz knows a lot more gourmet dishes, and fancier baking skills, but those are usually saved for special occasions. they swap off for prepping lunches/dinners, but usually make their own breakfasts. Casey likes to get up and run in the morning, whereas Liz prefers to sit and enjoy her coffee, toast and eggs slowly while reading the paper. Casey usually just grabs a smoothie and a coffee and heads into the office post shower.

Barhoun: again, Rita's a disaster, and Rafael will constantly remind her about it. they both rely on a lot of takeout, but Raf's definitely the better cook. he also definitely introduces Rita to a lot of international dishes over the years that she's never heard of before. and naturally, Lucia usually brings over a week's supply of meals on a regular basis cause she'll show up at their apt and find the fridge empty minus a singular leftover takeout container and a bottle of coffee creamer and just rolls her eyes.

Barisi: it's another one with a good balance. though these boys totally argue over who's the better cook CONSTANTLY. Carisi does the majority of the cooking, Barba's the one who doesn't even really realize he's hungry yet cause he's so loaded up on coffee.

Wovak: I feel like this one is similar to Novelly, but Melinda's way better and knows more dishes so she usually cooks. it's the days that she's been working way too much overtime that Casey always makes sure to have dinner ready when she gets home, or takes it to her at her office.

Kippa: it's obviously Pippa. Kat's younger, and Pips is amazed at how the girl can eat a burger and fries nightly and feel great and not gain a pound. like, Kat could easily survive off an energy drink for breakfast, pizza for lunch, and chinese for dinner. She's decent enough in the kitchen, but definitely doesn't know how to cook like, full Sunday dinner kinda things. Easy dishes, stir fry, chicken and veggies, that kinda shit. Pippa's got way more experience, and knows how to alter the healthy foods just right so that the kids still like them (and yes...sometimes that includes Kat...)

Rollisi: Do i even need to do this one? LOL! it's obvi Sonny. I do think Amanda knows enough to get by, like, there's the vibe that she kinda had to take care of herself & her sister growing up, but she's no chef, that's for sure. and she doesn't enjoy it.

Benhoun: Obviously, again, it's Olivia. Rita's the one recommending nice bistros and restaurants around the city (and footing the bill) while Olivia's the one actually cooking. Though they both enjoy the staying in nights cause it gives them time to shoot the shit and talk non-work stuff while Olivia cooks. like, politics, philosophical conversations, or even just volleying back and forth over tv shows/movies.

#cabenson #calex #calvak #barisi #benhoun #barhoun #rollisi #wovak #novelly #law and order svu

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spencerreidsconverse · 4 years ago

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When Evil Doesn't Sleep

summary: Spencer has been gone far too long on a case and when he finally returns home, reader shows him just how much she missed him.

word count: 3.4k

warnings: smut, implied dom/sub undertones, pet names

Pairing: Spencer Reid/Female Reader

A/N: My first fic!!! I hope you all enjoy! <3

“Y/n I’m really sorry but it looks like the case is going to take a lot longer than we thought. We had a recent development and the profile is now pointing to a partnership so now we’re hunting down two unsubs”. You sighed as Spencer rattled off his apologies through the phone before putting him out of his misery “Spencer honey, you don’t have to apologize. Quit worrying about me and focus on catching the bad guys.”

To say you missed Spencer would be the understatement of the century. He had been in Utah for six days already and now with a pair of psychos your odds of finding him in your bed by the end of the week were growing increasingly slim. It didn’t help that you had been swamped prepping for an extra class you’d agreed to take on at Georgetown where you worked as a Criminal Psychology professor. Between both of your hectic work schedules you hadn’t had a real weekend to yourselves in a few months, and while you knew when you first started dating Spencer that it was an inevitable of his job, it had never been this crazy before. They say evil never sleeps but lately it hasn't even taken a catnap.

“I love you Y/N. I promise I’ll come home to you soon and take you out on a real date. I’m sorry darling, I have to go. I’ll text you when I get to the hotel tonight and if you’re still up we can talk for a bit okay?”. “Alright Spence, I love you too. Stay safe okay?”. “I promise, goodbye love.”

Your farewell barely made it past your lips when the dial tone cut you off and once again your boyfriend of three years vanished from your side of the country. You let out an exasperated sigh before reminding yourself that there were other people who needed his help and that you could wait for his attention - at least until that night. Continuing the trek up the stairs of your and spencer’s shared apartment, you managed to haphazardly balance your grocery bags in one hand while unlocking the door and disabling the security alarm, internally cringing at the high shriek that rattled through your brain.

Walking through the living room, you sat the bags on your kitchen counter and began reorganizing the small fridge space to fit all the perishables you had brought home, absentmindedly hoping they wouldn't spoil now that it would be just you for several more days. Moving to the cupboard you replaced the few grab and go snack boxes you had made up to try and encourage Spencer to eat more throughout the day and refilled the paper plate stash that quickly became a requirement after you realized neither one of you could tolerate doing dishes every night. You ripped open the cardboard packaging of yet another microwave dinner and set the timer before leaving to change into more comfortable attire.

Opening the door of your shared bedroom, the smell of vanilla wax melts and dryer sheets hit you like a brick and immediately sent a pang of loneliness through your chest. Spencer was usually around by the time the chores needed done, and you rarely had to do them yourself. Unfortunately, the laundry was piling up and you needed something to distract you so you spent the day running errands and cleaning the apartment more thoroughly than necessary. You walked over to the stack of black dresser drawers and pulled out the first pair of pajama pants you touched, Spencer’s old caltech sweats that now fit you far better than him considering he had received them when he was 14. They looked more like capris on him now and it was embarrassingly difficult to convince him to buy a new pair that fit him properly. You slipped on a tank top and pulled your hair back before making your way lazily to the bathroom to take off the remnants of your simple makeup.

After scrubbing your face clean and pulling your dinner out, you moved to ready the couch for yet another night of binge watching cheesy 90s movies. You selected Clueless and watched the vibrant colors pop across the screen while you dived into your meal, making a poor attempt to ignore the slight freezer burnt taste that lingered after every bite. You finished your dinner and set the bowl aside before covering yourself with a blanket and allowing yourself to sink into the cushions, desperately awaiting Spencer's text.

You were jolted out of your doze by the loud buzzing of your phone against the wooden coffee table. Clumsily you reached for it and managed to swipe the answer pad before it sent your genius to voicemail. “Hello?” you managed before a yawn ripped its way through you suddenly. “Hey Y/N, I’m sorry it’s so late. I didn't mean to wake you, I figured you’d still be up. You should go back to bed love.” For the first time, you noticed the neon green numbers on the microwave. 12:30. You stifled another yawn and shook your head in an effort to wake yourself further “No way, I just dozed off while watching a movie. I was waiting to talk to you. Besides, I’m up now anyways so you might as well stay on with me for a bit. Did you get any further today?” “Well, JJ had the idea that the partners were originally a typical dominant/submissive partnership but that something in the dynamic must have changed because the MO began to deteriorate. We think the partners must have split up now, because we’re finding similar pieces of the previous MO at separate crime scenes.”.

You processed the information he fed you slowly due to your semiconscious state but eventually you put your words in order well enough to respond. “That should be helpful though yeah? I mean, they’re used to working in a partnership so being suddenly separated from your other half so to speak would throw you off track quite a bit right?”. You could practically hear him smiling through the phone as you drew the conclusions the team had come to only a few hours prior. “Yes. We’re hoping to be able to draw them out and trap them. Play them against each other.”.”Does that mean I can stop sleeping on the couch soon?”. You heard him let out a dejected sigh - you knew he hated that you would force yourself onto the cramped couch when you had a king sized bed a few hundred feet away but he understood.

When he had come home in the early hours of the morning after an abrupt end to a case a few weeks after you had moved into his place, he had caught you curled up on the sofa with a throw pillow stuffed under your head. When he questioned you about it the next morning, you simply answered that the bed felt too big without him and that you couldn’t stand the empty feeling. “Sooner than later I hope my love. Y/N I really wish you wouldn’t do that to yourself. It’s horrible for your body. It can put you at a much higher risk for chronic back and neck pain as well as-”. “Spence. I’m not a giant like you are. I fit on the couch much better than you do, and I barely notice the difference.”. You both cringed, hearing the lie clear in your voice. Still, Spencer must have felt bad because he humored you. “If you're sure. What did you do today my love?”. You smiled sadly hearing in his voice just how desperate he was to escape from his reality and come home to you.

”Well, I straightened the house. In fact, it’s so clean i think we could use it as a sterilization room.”. He let out a soft chuckle and you could hear him begin to relax as you recounted the rest of your day, excluding the part about the microwave dinner. Spencer loved to tell you how many of the ingredients were one step away from processed garbage and you decided to opt out of the lecture for the evening. He had more than enough to worry about without having to focus on your diet while he was away. After a half hour of light conversation, a loud yawn betrayed you as you were excitedly discussing the cute puppy you had met on the way to the market. Spencer immediately requested that you hang up and get some more sleep but you refused. After a few minutes of bickering, you relented on the condition that he would read to you until you had fallen asleep. You curled up under the fluffy blanket as Spencer’s even voice recited the collection of Grimm’s fairy tales quickly lured you to sleep.

You woke up the next morning as sunlight peered through the curtains, stretching your body out to ease the aches from the previous night. You smiled softly as your screen lit up with a text from Spencer wishing you a good morning and an update that they had a solid plan for boxing in the two unsubs that afternoon. “If all goes to plan I should be carrying you to our bed before midnight tonight.”. Your smile widened and you sent back “Can’t wait to truly see you - and love you- tonight. I’ll be waiting.” You plugged your phone into the charger and straightened up from the night before when your phone went off again. The one word message glared at you from the screen and you let out an involuntary giggle. “Tease.”. You hoped it gave him something to look forward to until he was back in your arms. You sent back a simple “XO” before deciding to reread one of your favorite books for a few hours to kill some time. You made yourself a sandwich for lunch and had a few glasses of water as the clock slowly ticked by. You were over halfway through the lengthy novel when you received another message.

“We apprehended both unsubs. Hotch is postponing the paperwork until Monday so we can go straight home. I’ll see you in a few hours baby.”. You jumped slightly in celebration before finishing your current chapter, marking your place, and all but skipping to the shower to shave and exfoliate your skin. You knew Spencer would still be heavily worked up once he arrived home and luckily, his favorite release included intertwining your bodies as close as possible and loving you sweetly and slowly.

You took your time in the shower careful not to nick yourself with your razor. You scrubbed your scalp with your nails, letting your stress and soreness melt away under the steam. You waited until the water ran cold before turning the knob and stepping out, wrapping yourself in a fluffy towel and blow drying your hair until it layed perfectly even. You applied lotion all over your skin and stepped out of the bathroom to slip on your black silk robe, knowing it wouldn’t be worth it to dress up further. Spencer would be desperate to feel your skin against his and any fabric in his way didn't stand much of a chance.

You made an actual meal for dinner, a pasta dish with chicken that could be easily reheated for Spencer when he grew hungry later in the night. You helped yourself to a serving and after quickly cleaning up the kitchen and storing the leftovers, you retreated to the bedroom to wait for his return.

You were half paying attention to the feed you opted to scroll through on your phone when you heard the door creak open and bags drop to the floor. You set your phone on the bedside table and ran towards the foyer, all but throwing yourself at the exhausted man in front of you. He took a step back from the impact but still enveloped you in his arms and pulled you impossibly tight into his chest. “Hi baby.” you whispered against the scruffy skin of his jawline, peppering kisses up towards his earlobe. He let out a long sigh of relief and picked you up off the hardwood floor, wrapping your thighs around his waist resulting in a high pitched giggle to erupt from your throat. He kissed you then, slowly at first but quickly building more passionate. Your lungs were burning when he finally allowed you to pull away, opting to kiss down your neck to your collarbones and the skin of your chest that was newly exposed as your robe slipped open.

He carefully made his way back to your room, continuing his kisses back up to your shoulder, stopping only to leave marks you knew would only grow darker as time passed. At the very least he was sure to only mark you in places you could cover with little difficulty. “I missed you so much Y/N. The entire ride home all I could think about was you waiting for me in our bed. My gorgeous girl.”. You felt your chest heat up at his words of admiration, wrapping your fingers into his curls and pulling his lips towards your own once more.

You felt him groan against you and moved to quickly unbutton his shirt, slipping it down his arms and tossing it in the general direction of the hamper. He pulled you up with him then, so you were both on your knees, chest to chest as he pulled your robe fully down your back to the swell of your ass where he grasped at you through the slick fabric. You let out a whine and you pulled his belt off, undoing his jeans desperate to continue. He grinned against your neck and pushed you down so you laid flat on your back, completely exposed to him. He kissed at your stomach, making his way down to your inner thighs. He licked a slow wet trail from your pelvic bone to the top of your clit as you whimpered desperately. “Spence, please… I need more”. He humored you, creating slow small circles with his tongue moaning at the taste. You cried out as he created the perfect amount of pressure on your clit, legs threatening to close around his head when he moved to slip one of his fingers easily inside you as the mix of your own wetness and his saliva aided him. He smirked as he felt your thighs flex before using his left hand to throw one of your legs over his shoulders at a time. He pushed a second finger in, curling them up to perfectly reach your g-spot with every thrust. Soon though, you grew impatient with just his fingers. You needed more and you knew just how to get it.

“I want you so bad Spence. I’ve waited for so long and I just can’t anymore. I need to feel you deep inside of me.”. You were positive those words would leave him just as needy as you were and he proved you right when he kicked his pants the rest of the way off and went to line himself up against you. “Wait.”. He stopped immediately, examining your face for any indication of what was wrong. “What’s the matter baby? Are you okay?”. You shook your head and smiled at his concern before switching your positions so his back was resting against the pillows as you straddle his thighs. He smirked at you as he caught on, trailing his hands up the front of your legs to rest at your hips. “You gonna ride me angel?”. You responded with an eager nod and he squeezed your hips, pulling you up further so you were hovering above him. “Sit pretty like my good girl then.”. You whined softly at his words before slowly sinking yourself down around his length, sucking in a harsh breath at the stretch. Even with how wet you were, the adjustment took longer than usual due to the dry spell you were both suffering from as of late.

When you finally felt stretched out enough to move, you slowly ground your hips forward flush against his. He groaned out, lifting you back up so you were almost completely off of him before pulling you back down. You moaned both at the sensation and the idea of being manhandled by the genius below you. You realized what he was asking though, and began bouncing yourself up and down his cock, stopping every few thrusts to grind your clit down on him. You let out soft moans, and after a few more minutes you felt his fingers dig deeper into your hips and his breaths quicken. You knew he was close and as if on cue you started rubbing fast circles against your clit as he spoke again.

“Baby girl I’m getting close. You gonna cum with me angel?” You nodded furiously in response and you felt him start thrusting up to meet you. You panted as you hurried towards the edge of your orgasm, holding on until his thrusts grew sloppier. “You ready to cum with me baby? You gonna cum on my cock?” “Yeah.. gonna cum all over your cock Doc.” You fought to keep the grin off your face when he moaned at the title. He thrusted deep into you twice, before he ordered your release. “I want you to cum now baby. Cum all over my cock.” You felt your orgasm rip through you, electricity shooting through your limbs. Spencer groaned loudly as you tightened around him before pulling you down deep and releasing inside you.

You both fought to catch your breath as you rode out your highs before you found yourself slumping against his chest, suddenly drained from your activities. You felt him chuckle at your drastic change in energy as he wrapped his arms around you again. “I know you just washed the bed sheets and we’re both sweaty but do you think a washcloth will suffice for tonight?”. You nodded against his chest before slowly lifting yourself up and off of him, rolling onto your back on the other side of the bed. Spencer swiftly made his way across the hall, returning to wipe you down gently with the warm fabric. You shivered as the cool air dried your skin, watching him move throughout your room.

He slipped on a fresh pair of boxers before tossing the washcloth in the hamper along with his previously discarded clothes. He hung your robe on the back of your bedroom door then flipped the light switch off before rejoining you in bed to slip under the blankets with you. You immediately curled up into his chest, sighing contently as the sound of his heartbeat filled your ears. You kissed his chest and whispered goodnight, drifting into your first real sleep since before he left.

The next morning you and Spencer went shopping after you successfully convinced him to upgrade to a smart phone with video call abilities. He had begun to shut down the idea as he always had before but after the mere suggestion of what it could do to better your late night hotel room chats he was the one pulling you towards the nearest phone shop. You smiled politely while Spencer took his sweet time weighing the pros and cons of each model, letting your mind drift to the first time it would come in handy. As you finally neared the checkout counter, you took Spencer's hand in your own and gave it a gentle squeeze. After running his card through the machine, the salesgirl gave him the small plastic bag and wished you both a good afternoon.

As you exited the shop, you looked up at him, nudging him to get his attention “What do you think of an app controlled vibrator?”. He stared at you incredulously for a few moments, almost stopping dead in his tracks. After recovering from the initial shock at the vulgarity of your suggestion, he shook his head with a soft smirk and nudged back against you. “Tease.” he called you once more. “That’s the reason you love me right?”. He pulled you into his side, kissing you softly. “One of many Y/N. One of many.”

#spencer reid #Spencer reid/reader #spencer reid/you #Spencer reid x reader #Spencer reid x y/n #criminal minds #cm #Spencer reid smut #smut #Spencer reid x you #Spencer reid fanfiction

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lorelaiislatte · 2 years ago

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hi. as an Experienced Adult, any tips for cooking/meal prepping for someone who hates cooking, is lazy, and can’t afford a takeaway meal more than once or twice a week? most days all i can do is put a pot of pasta on and anxiously wait for the 6-10 min to be up, but i’m getting tired of pasta now.

ok SO a few of my go-to non-pasta usually-depression meals are as follows:

1) noodles, soy sauce, ready-to-eat chicken/seitan if ur veggie/vegan. that’s it. cook the noodles, stir fry ‘em for a couple of mins with chicken and if you’ve got some veggies that cook quickly throw those in, douse that shit in soy sauce and off you go. whole process including noodles will take less than ten mins

2) the difference in a cold sandwich vs a warm sandwich is astronomical. make some sandwiches, keep ‘em in the fridge, launch ‘em in a frying pan or microwave and heat ‘em up for a hot meal, will legit take less than five mins regardless of what you put in them

3) ready meals. microwaveable ones. next time you go grocery shopping get a selection of seasonings if you don’t have them already, so you can make said microwave meals taste a bit better. basic list: salt, black pepper, cayenne, paprika, garlic, dried oregano, dried red pepper flakes. if your budget is tight then drop this down to salt, garlic, and red pepper flakes. not sure where you are in the world but if you can get the lil tins/packets of spanish or (surprisingly) hungarian paprika they’re usually pretty cheap and also just….the best.

4) when you do get takeout, make sure you’re getting stuff that you can also use as leftovers - pizza is usually a good option for this, as it’s quick and easy to reheat. i try to get a dominos large on one of their coupon deals and that lasts usually three meals worth of food

5) smoothies r also v good for breakfast/lunch options if you have a blender and like fruit - just chuck a load of whatever in and you’re good to go

6) pre-cooked meat can be a bit more expensive, but what you spend in money you make up for in energy/focus/time saved. it’s so easy to throw in a sandwich, on pasta, noodles, basically any carb of your choosing, or even to eat with soulless glassy eyes out of the packet at midnight when you’re trying to stave off a protein deficiency. not that i’d know. shredded cheese is also handy to just throw on whatever, and helps get your dairy intake up a bit

while these aren’t all the most nutritionally balanced meals i come from a place of autism sensory issues plus eating disorder recovery, so i very heavily agree with the philosophy of shitty food is better than no food at all, and that’s def something to remember

when it comes to cooking generally, i also fucking Hate the effort and don’t have the spoons to spend, so try to time it to when you’ve got other shit to do to make the time pass faster. jacket potatoes are great for this cos they take hours to cook but you can throw them in the oven and forget about them the whole time (just make sure you set a timer). butter, cheese, and chives on them is a lifesaver. bring something to watch or listen to

if you only have the focus/energy/etc to cook very basic stuff, try to prioritise carbs, protein, and veggies. get some multivitamins too to make sure you’re still getting a full balance of stuff, but sometimes it’s less about being a dieticians favourite and more about just getting through the day, so don’t feel bad about cutting corners when ya need

#ask #hope this is at least vaguely helpful!

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lexa-lives-in-us · 4 years ago

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Saving Tips for Hard Times

I found this old document where I collected a series of tips to save money. This is all part of my experience of when I was near homeless, and some work depending on where you live, some don’t. Here we go.

BILLS:

1. The optimum temperature for refrigerator operation is 5°C, and -18°C for freezer operation. As a rule of thumb, for each additional degree of refrigeration output about six percent more electricity is used.

2. Unplug your appliances. Lamps, microwave, tv, computers etc. They don't need to be plugged until you use them, and it saves energy to keep them unplugged. Therefore, money.

3. Do homework for phone companies and internet plans. Call them! Often they are toll free and if you mentioned that you were already with them or thinking of going with them and then found out another company had a better deal, they could offer you deals for lower prices. I had to do it all the time for my phone, until they couldn't really offer anything better.

4. BIKE. Invest in a used bike if you can, especially for the warmer months. It offsets the transit costs and better your health.

5. WALK. That's the same as the bike, honestly.

6. Pay your bills on time, you will avoid late fees which can up to HUNDREDS of dollars wasted over the course of a year. If you can, set up automatic payments so you don’t forget.

FRIDGE:

1. Every time the refrigerator door is opened, cold air escapes and warm ambient air enters. To compensate for the temperature increase in its interior, the refrigerator must then use energy to bring the temperature back down. Always avoid opening the door unnecessarily and for too long.

2. When defrosting frozen food place it in the refrigerator. Not only does this ensure that the food is carefully defrosted, its presence cools down the refrigerator interior, reducing the amount of work that the compressor has to do, and therefore lowering energy consumption.

3. Never put warm food in the refrigerator as this will heat up the interior, as well as other stored foods. Hot food should always be allowed to cool to room temperature before placing it in the refrigerator

MONEY:

1. Keep all the containers like glass bottles, juice bottles, jars, cans etc. Look for your Return-It depot and have trips to return them. They give back coins for laundry, small expenses etc

2. Use that junk mail. Go through it, find coupons for food, for essentials like toilet paper or shampoo.

3. CHECK. THAT. DOLLARSTORE. They often have things like pasta, ketchup, toilet paper, batteries etc for literally 1 dollar. Pasta is pasta, toilet paper is toilet paper. Seriously. Don't need to spend 5$ on a shampoo bottle when you can have it for 1/5 of the price.

4. Do homework and check with different banks for which one offers a better plan. Some of them are willing to help out. Sit down with their advisors, find the best solution!

5. Use the envelope system! For example, one envelope with a label “food” the other with “entertainment” the other with “bills”. Then set the right amount of cash for each. That’s what you’re allowed to spend each month. If you realize you need more for food, grab it from the entertainment envelope. Adapt and arrange as needed.

6. If you can, set up an automatic saving (example 50$ every paycheck) for both regular saving AND an emergency fund.

7. Use the 24-Hour Rule. Avoid purchasing expensive or unnecessary items on impulse with a self-imposed 24-hour rule. For any non-essential item, wait 24 hours before purchasing. It’s perfect for online shopping where your items can simply be added to your cart to purchase later.

8. Make a grocery list BEFORE going to the grocery store and STICK to it. You’re going to avoid buying things you don’t really need.

9. DO. NOT. SHOP. WHILE. YOU. ARE. HUNGRY. Or you’ll end up buying food that you actually don’t need just because you feel snacky!

10. Only use ATMs from your bank, or you get charged small fees.

11. Set a “No Spend Day” per week, where you consciously DO NOT spend any money for that day.

12. Ditch the paper: Cutting out paper towels and using cloths and napkins that you can simply wash and reuse is a simple way to save.

13. After you wear clothes, hang them outside your wardrobe, on a door or something. You can air them out a bit, then stick them in the closet without washing. You can basically reuse the same clothes two or three times without having to wash them, sometimes they just need a bit of air and they won’t smell AT ALL.

14. If you don’t own or want to spend money on an iron, hang whatever blouse you need to iron in the bathroom while you shower. The steam will humidify the fabric and straighten it up.

15. Hang stuff to dry. Really don’t need to spend money on the dryer.

16. Sign up to the library. They have so many books and DVDs nowadays. You can also just go, sit at the library and stay warm for a while, so that you don’t have to sit at home and either suffer the cold or use money on your own heat.

17. Budget, budget, budget. Get a lil notebook, write down the monthly expenses, cut what you don’t need. It gets easier with time.

FOOD:

1. Make a meal plan. Write 10-14 days worth of dishes that you can do (lunch, dinner, everything you need). You can then toss them around as you go on with your week, but that way you have a pretty clear idea of what you use and the food you go through for how long. It also reduces the risks of getting take out since you already have plans for what to eat.

2. Cook double! Seriously. Make that dinner and double it up. Leftovers can be frozen or put in the fridge for the day after.

3. Meal prep. Once a week, prep a bunch of different recipes. Let them cool down, stick them in the freezer. At that point you’ll already have all these meals at the ready to just thaw/microwave or oven up.

4. You don’t need pop. You don’t need alcohol. You most likely don’t need milk, but go for it if you wanna. Just remember dairy products go bad WAY more quickly than non dairies, so consider getting food and drinks with no dairy in them. Mainly, though. Water. Just drink water. Lots of it too! Sometimes our brain can’t tell the difference between hunger and thirst. You think you’re snacky? Drink some water instead! It’ll quell your hunger.

5. Freeze fruit! If you think you’re not gonna be able to eat fruit in time, put it in a Tupperware or a ziplock and slap it in the freezer. You’ll be able to then use it for smoothies.

6. Use the Italian saying “Colazione da re, pranzo da nobili, cena da poveri.” Which quite literally means “Breakfast as a king, lunch as a noble, dinner as a poor.” Breakfast should be very filling, carbs, protein, vitamins. It carries you for the whole day. Lunch should be quite filling too! But supper doesn’t really need a lot of it, and if you REALLY have to skip a meal, skip supper. Your body doesn’t need that much sustenance while sleeping.

7. This is for the desperate times but I’ve done it, and I would do it again if I ever had to. Go to markets that have like… Fruits and veggies. Talk to them. Ask them “HEY, can I have the fruit/veggie that you have to throw away?” Ask them if you can have the ugly produce, the one that doesn’t look pretty enough to be put out. Or ask them to have whatever extra they have to dump because is past the expiry date. EXPIRY DATE IS USUALLY MUCH LONGER THAN WHAT THE LABEL SAYS. I wouldn’t risk it with dairy stuff or with things that are VERY expired, but one or two days? Totally fine, I promise. And if you have to? Dumpster Dive. Especially at markets with fruit and veggies that have to be sold on the same day (because it’s not considered “fresh” past that day.) Or behind pizza places like Dominos or Panago or whatever chain. They get pizza orders wrong all the time. Just give a peak behind these buildings and look inside their boxes. You have no idea how many times I found perfectly fine pizzas. For free! IF YOU DUMPSTER DIVE, MAKE SURE YOU HAVE GLOVES, A MASK AND PLASTIC BAGS TO PUT YOUR STUFF IN. ONCE AT HOME, DISCARD GLOVES AND WASH PRODUCE THROUGHLY. Also check tumblr for your divers community, they usually know the best spots.

CLOTHES:

1. Thrift shop! So many GOOD used clothes are out there! Honestly! My whole wardrobe is thrifted and everything looks brand new. It takes a bit of research and maybe that shirt you liked is not in your size, but you can find EVERYTHING, from socks to bras, at a thrift store. Don’t thrift underwear though. You want to go new with those.

2. Invest in some needle and thread, then open youtube. There are SO MANY tutorials that teach you how to mend holes in socks and underwear. And really, no one will really notice if a mend is perfectly done or not. After a week, you’ll forget it too! But that prevents you from throwing away clothes that could just be mended a little.

3. Something doesn’t fit you? Too small, too big? YouTube, homie. They have tutorials on how to fix these kinda things! All you need, again, is needle and thread.

4. Organize clothes swaps with friends and/or neighbors. Everyone brings clothes they don’t need, put them in a pile. Go through the pile and grab whatever there is. There’s no money exchange, one could go home with 1 item and one could go home with 50 items. Who cares? The extra stuff… DONATE IT TO A SHELTER.

Feel free to add more, and stay safe!

#saving #saving tips #saving tip #money management #savings #small savings #homeless #saving account #my tips #signal boost #thrifting #dumpster diving #recycle #creative reuse #reduce reuse recycle #reducereuserecycle

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overshare9000 · 2 years ago

Text

Re: dude is asking for recommendations on how to feed his large, busy family

Rejected cuz: tl;dr, verbose

I would recommend meal prepping. The biggest drawback for me is spending the day preparing your meals, but I feel like the benefits are worth it.

Some people like to prepare one meal for the week, but I prefer more variety. I usually choose two or three different meals with similar ingredients, so at least I don't have to eat the same thing twice in a row. Using similar ingredients helps me cut down on food cost because I can use something like a family pack of chicken thighs that are on sale and make six meals with $6 worth of chicken.

Another way it cuts down on food waste is that things like vegetables aren't going bad before I can use them because they're all cooked and ready to eat.

A benefit that I hadn't anticipated was that having a home cooked food ready to eat really helps me when I don't feel like cooking. I'm less likely to waste money on fast food, my groceries aren't getting wasted because I'm getting fast food instead of cooking them, and sometimes I might just be too sad to make myself prepare and clean up a meal, but I can manage microwaving a prepped meal and be healthier because I'm not skipping meals.

#tl;dr #details #long-winded #reddit #comments

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wellthatjusthappend · 4 years ago

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hey do you think you can write something where Dick is touch starved bc the members of the batfamily are not that into giving or receiving comforting touch like hugs so he's feeling awful and acting kind of distant with the other bats bc he doesn't really want to bug them by asking for a hug and it's Jason that notices something is wrong and ends up giving it to him

Dick being touch starved is my jam. Especially when I get to give him what he needs.

Man, this prompt got away from me a little, I meant to do a small fill but, well, now you can read it here or on Ao3.

“What the hell is going on with Dickhead?” Jason grumbled. He’d totally cashed Jason’s case recently, and nearly bit off Jason’s head when he made a sarcastic quip.

Usually, that meant that something had happened, but Jason had dug around after hadn’t found anything other than a slow and steady escalation of violence the last several weeks. Seemingly from no cause.

There had to be something Jason was missing. Not that he cared or anything, but if Golden Boy was falling off the edge he needed to get ready. Or maybe he was just being nosy. Both were Bruce approved approaches.

Jason frowned as on screen Dick let several punches land that he could have avoided and choose to punch back rather than use his sticks.

“Ah, Dick is fasting again?” hummed Kori, coming to curl up next to Jason like a cat, her hair winding and winding itself around them in a way that still a little uncanny as it was soothing.

“Fasting?” Jason asked with a frown, “Like, skipping meals and stuff?”

“From love,” Kori corrected him, “and from touch. He needs it like food, but sometimes he chooses to deprive himself of both for long periods of time. He would get like this from time to time as a Titian. Quick to pick a fight and extra physical when he did… violence is the only touch he allows himself during this time, so he seeks it out constantly.”

That… tracked.

“Yeah… Bruce would have us believe that none of us needed things like that,” Jason murmured, watching Dick wrestle another small time crook to the ground and punching him repeatedly.

“But you know better now, don’t you?”

Sometimes. But other times… Jason could sympathize with Dick’s plight a little too easily, and physical touch wasn’t even his love language.

“How’d you used to get him to snap out of it?” Jason asked.

“Make love to him all night long,” Kori replied, her eyes going distant.

“Ah.” Jason knew he was flushing a bit.

“Or, sometimes Wally or the others would insist on a movie night and coax him into a spot close between everyone’s bodies,” Kori said, a faint, sad smile on her face.

That was probably no little feat when Dick was hellbent on acting like a mini Bruce.

“Sounds nice,” he said, rather than unload all the mean and bitter commentary in his head. It wasn’t like he had someone to do that for him back then.

“This is nice too,” Kori rested her head on his shoulder, “with you and Roy.”

“...Yeah. It is.”

*****

Jason couldn’t stop thinking about it as the week went on. How he ever ended up with nonviolent touch in his life and Dick didn’t, Jason didn’t know.

Maybe that was why he was outside Dick’s doorstep now.

“What?” Dick answered his door. He looked terrible; dark shadows under his eyes, his skin a little pasty.

“No hello? I’m hurt Dickiebird.”

“Hello. What are you doing here?” Dick said, already looking annoyed.

Jason wished he knew.

“Brought over some extra food. You look like you haven’t had anything but takeout in a while, so…. You want it?” Jason held up the bag to show him.

“You brought food,” Dick stated, looking suspicious, “Why?”

“I just said I made extra, keep up Dickhead,” Jason shot back.

He was no good at this. He should have just bothered Wally into visiting. Someone who could get away with a casual hug.

Jason was not much of a hugger, casual or otherwise. He wasn’t too touchy-feely in general and he didn’t know why he was there… but since he was there he wasn’t going to be driven away so easily.

“Did Bruce send you here?” Dick demanded.

“Bold of you to think Bruce can make me do anything,” Jason retorted.

Dick seemed to accept that. As he should.

“Fine, whatever, just… you didn’t drug it, right?” Dick asked as he moved out of the way and let Jason inside.

“Who the fuck do you think I am, Alfred? If I was gonna drug you, I would slip it into your delivery, not some home cooked meal,” Jason scoffed.

It was really messy. It made Jason’s fingers itch for some cleaning supplies, but that wasn’t why he was there.

“Home cooked?” Dick’s eyebrows raised curiously.

“Curry,” Jason said, pulling out the containers from the bag in the little spot on the table not covered in case files, “I always thought it tasted better the day after anyway.”

“Did you make this?” Dick hesitantly came over, curiosity seeming to win out over defensive aggression.

“Who else would have?” Jason rolled his eyes, “here, heat this up will you?”

He passed over a container of rice. Their fingers brushed and Dick’s hand spasmed for a moment.

Jason didn’t comment. He knew what that was like. Going so long without any kind of touch that the slightest brush of skin felt like getting electrocuted.

“Why me?” Dick asked, hurriedly turning his back to him and fiddling with the microwave.

Because you need it.

“Oh, you know, if your ass gets any skinnier, the community will collapse on itself. Can’t have that,” Jason said breezily instead.

“What a saint.”

“Right? They should put me up in the little chapel on 5th St. I’ve already died and everything, I’m totally qualified,” Jason said, then changed the subject, “You have a toaster oven?”

“Why would I have a toaster oven?” Dick grumbled.

“Because they’re damn useful? Never mind, I’ll just use the oven,” Jason said, nudging Dick out of the way so he could reach the nobs. It wouldn’t need too much, it was just to lightly heat the naan.

“Are you eating here too?” Dick asked hesitantly.

“Might as well, it’s dinner time,” Jason shrugged.

Dick didn’t say anything to that. This time when Jason passed him the next container to heat, he didn’t flinch when their hands met, but he pulled away much more hesitantly.

This part felt a little unnatural for Jason, because he… didn’t really let people touch him who weren’t super close to him. And he and Dick- they just weren’t. It wasn’t bad, per-say, just decidedly uncomfortable.

He wasn’t planning to let that show though.

Jason bullied Dick into bantering with him as they prepped the rest of the food, all the while finding reasons to brush up against him. Let their hips touch when he checked the heat on the food, a hand on Dick’s arm to move him out of the way to open the oven, steading his hands as he stacked plates and utensils into his arms.

Dick was mostly past the shockieness and onto the needy phase by the time they got to actually eating the food. It felt a little manipulative to sit down right next to him on the couch while they ate so their legs and arms could casually brush every now and then.

The nice thing was that Jason didn’t have to initiate anymore. Now that Dick had figured out that he wasn’t going to be pushed away and that Jason was pretending not to notice, he was pressing close with every possible excuse. As he did, he chattered away about this and that, a slight nervous jiggle of his leg.

It was strange, like watching someone slowly come alive again. Like a dry plant perking up at the first taste of water. Jason wanted to somehow give him even more, but he didn’t know how. So he just stayed close.

Dick didn’t ask him to leave when they finished their food, so he didn’t.

Jason turned on the TV.

It was funny, Dick’s commentary slowly started to die down as his eyes started to drupe.

“Maybe I really should have drugged you food, when’s the last time you got a full night’s sleep?” Jason noted, reaching over to touch his forehead. He was a little warm, but not too bad.

“When’s the last time you did?” Dick shot back, but his eyes dropped closed under his hand and he didn’t push him away.

It felt a little too intimate for Jason though, so he pulled away. Dick swayed forward a little when he moved, like a part of him want to chase his touch.

He probably did.

Jason looked away and shrugged, trying to remember what they had been talking about. Sleep. Right.

“I actually do these days, Roy or Kori kick my butt if I don’t,” he said.

“They take good care of you,” Dick said softly.

“They do,” Jason agreed, his chest feeling a little warm at the thought.

“Good,” Dick said, his expression distant as he turned back to the TV.

Jason wondered if he missed them, but didn’t ask. Dick couldn’t have burned those bridges any better if he’d tried.

They watched TV silently for a while, Dick’s finger tracing patterns on his own leg, back and forth and back and forth.

Jason felt an impulse to grab his hand, but pushed it down. That wasn’t them. Roy and Kori must have been rubbing off on him.

When Dick’s motions stopped, Jason glanced over and snickered when he found that he had dozed off. When he started to tip, Jason raised his arm so he would settle against his side instead of tipping forward and jerking awake.

He didn’t know why he did it- since it effectively trapped him for however long Dick was asleep- and he told himself that it was because Dick needed the sleep, which he did, but-

Dick made a soft little sound as he positively melted against him, even in sleep. It was such a fragile thing, so relieved, just on the edge of broken… it made Jason’s chest ache.

He let him sleep.

Jason might not be able to bury him in a pile of close friends or make love to him all night or whatever, but… he could do this.

He hesitantly carded his fingers through Dick’s hair and watched him lean into the touch desperately, lips parting in a content sigh.

Maybe for this, Jason could be enough.

#touch starved #dick grayson #jason todd #background joyfire if you squint #this could be the start of something #story requests #story prompts #my writing #Anonymous

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zwowow · 4 years ago

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One of the angsty prompt ideas I’ve been thinking about is Kells practicing cooking for weeks because he wants to surprise Em by cooking him dinner, maybe for an anniversary, but on the night that he’s planning to surprise him, Em is at the studio and he’s hours late, leaving Kells alone for the evening.

Kells practically buzzes around the kitchen all afternoon. He’s practiced the meal he’s gonna make at least five times now, to varying degrees of success, but he’s determined to have it come out perfectly this time. He gets pots and pans ready and starts chopping vegetables. Everything needs to be streamlined and easy to access when he’s ready because he refuses to have anything to wrong. He hasn’t done this much prep for it not to be perfect.

At four, about an hour before Em usually leaves the studio, he starts actually cooking. It’s some chicken dish he’d picked out from a cookbook he plucked from an unutilized corner of Em’s kitchen, and the skill level had been marked as intermediate at the top of the page. Definitely above where he was, which was somewhere between abysmal and beginner, but he was looking to impress.

By five thirty, he’s done, and looking at his handiwork with a proud smile. Em should be home any minute.

He’ll smell it first, Kells imagines. He’ll walk in the house and toe off his shoes and look up, a bit confused at the unfamiliar but delicious aroma. He’ll come looking for it, into the kitchen where Kells will be waiting for him. He’ll take in the kitchen, Kells waiting eagerly, the dishes stacked unwashed in the sink, and the two hot plates behind them in the dining room. He’ll look between Kells and the plates like he’s asking ‘you did this?’ and Kells will nod because yes, he did. He’ll cross the kitchen and pull Kells into him by his waist. He’ll kiss him deeply before pulling back and telling them they should eat before the food gets cold because unlike anything Kells has made for him before, this shit actually smells good. They’ll eat, and it’ll be really fucking good, Kells imagines.

At six, he kind of starts to worry. The food isn’t cold, not yet, but it isn’t steaming fresh like he’d imagined. He sends a quick text asking where Em is. He starts gnawing at his lip when the text goes, one, five, ten, twenty minutes unread.

At six thirty, he starts picking at the vegetables on the side of his plate. It’s really fucking good, and he’s pissed that Em isn’t there to eat them in the last minutes before the only option is to microwave them or eat them cold. Em should be home. The fucking plate shouldn’t have gotten cold in the first place. He’s never this late, but of course he chose the day Kells picked out to surprise him to not come home right away. It makes Kells want to flip the stupid fucking table with the stupid fucking meals he spent hours making, and weeks planning.

At seven, with his text still unanswered and the food officially cold and wasted, Kells leaves the kitchen and goes to their bedroom. His stomach rumbles as he slides under the sheets. It doesn’t take him long to fall asleep despite the hunger pains and heart ache, he’s so exhausted. Cooking and fretting and waiting can be so fucking draining.

At nine, Kells gets woken up by his phone buzzing next to his ear. Em finally responded to his text, late fuckin day omw home now. He turns away from the screen and goes back to sleep until he’s woken up twenty minutes later by the light turning on.

Em walks into the room with a plate and fork, shoveling the food Kells made earlier into his mouth.

“Jesus, that was a long ass fuckin’ day, something got fucked up with the mixing and a sample we thought had been cleared actually wasn’t and by the time we got shit figured out it was late as hell. Didn’t even see your text ‘til I was on my way back anyway.” Em pauses the tale of his day to take another bite, and then two more in quick succession. “This takeout? ‘S real fuckin’ good.”

“Mm Mm.” Kells shakes his head. “I made it.” He tries to stay neutral, unlike the petulant voice in his head that neggs him to tell him it could’ve been better if Em had shown up when he was supposed to.

“You made this?” Em gestures down at the plate with his fork, clearly bewildered. It’s the kind of impressed look Kells had been hoping to see hours ago. Now, it falls short of satisfying.

“Yeah. Was supposed to be a surprise, but my stupid boyfriend stood me up.”

Em snorts, “Your stupid boyfriend know about this surprise?”

Kells rolls his eyes, but can’t help a little smile at how hungrily Em is going in on the plate.

“That’s kinda the point of a surprise. You don’t know about it ‘til it happens.”

“Well, next time you’re planning on surprising me with food that won’t give me the runs—"

“That was one time!”

“Let me know,” Em continues with a smirk, “Because like I said, this is really good, Kells.” He clinks his fork against his clean plate for emphasis and Kells grins.

Em bends down to kiss him before he goes down to put his dirty dish away, and Kells tastes the meal on his tongue. It really is fucking good. Though that could just be the way Em tastes.

It isn’t the kiss to end the night Kells imagined, but it’s a really good kiss still. And it was a fucking amazing meal.

#emgk #zwowfic #em standing kells up unwittingly makes me too sad sorry #i can't even pretend to imagine it #:( bby #trying his best #Anonymous

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honeyandhondewberries · 4 years ago

Note

Can we get Raihan and Leon's reactions to their crush kissing them on the forehead and murmuring, soft and sweet, for them to sleep well before slipping out of the room quietly. Their crush thinks they were asleep.

😭😭😭🤗🤗🤗 alright ill do it you better get ready for some friggin COMFORT anon this is going to be so soft you dont even KNOW

(dont mind the awkward shift in tenses between Leon and Raihan’s stories either 👀 sometimes that just Happens)

Chicken Noodle Soup & Movie Night (LeonxReader, RaihanxReader)

Leon:

“I’m not sick,” Leon mumbles, and his glassy eyes follow you as you move about the room. You don’t humor him with a response. “You don’t have to do all this.”

You only hum as you continue to bustle about. More tissues, more blankets, and you should probably check his temperature again soon, too. He’s taken his medicine (though you hid it in a snack like you have to do with your Pokemon), and you finally got him into bed after some coaxing. He’s propped up on three pillows, he lets out a hearty cough, full and phlegmy, and you return to his side once his fit is over. You gently sit on the covers, set your hand on his forehead, and purse your lips.

“Yep, still burning up,” you say, and Leon groans.

“I’m fine,” he croaks. “You’re making too big a deal about this.”

“Leon,” you say sternly as you go to find the thermometer. “You’re shaking with chills, burning up, and hacking up a lung every few minutes. You’d probably still be on the pitch if I wasn’t making a big deal about this.”

“Exactly,” Leon says in exasperation as he throws his arms up. The motion sets off another series of deep coughs. “I could be finishing my training! It’s just the sniffles, nothing more.”

“Alright,” you say, and you sit beside him again. “If you don’t have a fever, then you’re right and I’ll leave you alone. If you do have a fever, then you need to promise to cooperate. Deal?”

Leon’s glassy eyes squint, though the effect of his frustrated glare isn’t much when he sniffles through it. You raise an eyebrow.

“Fine,” he says, but he doesn’t look at you.

You offer him the thermometer, he childishly snatches it from your hand, then sticks it in his mouth. You adjust the quilt around his shoulders, fluff his pillows for him, and mindlessly brush his bangs from his face. His eyes widen at the motion, then his gaze flicks to the side again.

Hm, his cheeks are looking quite pink… he definitely has a fever.

The thermometer beeps, you pluck it from his mouth, and showcase that your prediction came true. You set the thermometer on his nightstand without a smug word spoken, but Leon can certainly read it on your face.

“Now that you’ll cooperate, do you want some orange juice?” you ask.

“No.”

“Some candy?”

“No.”

“How about some chicken noodle soup?”

Leon doesn’t immediately grumble anything, but instead fiddles with the stitching on the quilt.

“...with the spiral noodles?” Leon asks quietly.

“Mmhmm.”

Leon purses his lips (not for long since he can’t breathe through his nose), and he finally mumbles an:

“Okay.”

“I’ll go heat some up for you,” you say, and you give his hand a pat. He curls one of his fingers around yours, just to quickly retract his hand again. His cheeks are looking even pinker than before, now. Is he getting warm?

“Thank you,” he mumbles.

“Try to get some rest,” you hum, and after adjusting his blankets again, you head out of his room and into the kitchen.

You had a can of chicken noodle soup (with the spiral noodles) in your pantry, and you stuffed that and some cough drops in your bag before you came over. You rustle around Leon’s kitchen for a pot to start cooking his meal. As you stir and taste-test the soup every few minutes, you wonder how Leon’s feeling. He isn’t hacking so much, so as the soup simmers, you step to his room to peek.

He’s still propped up on his pillows, though his scowl is gone and his eyes are closed. He’s wrinkling his nose in his sleep, as if to push his bangs from his face without using his hands. You let a smile slip, and a plume of affection blooms in your chest. You step over as quietly as you can, brush his bangs from his face, and before you can stop yourself, you gently press your lips to his forehead.

“Sleep well, love,” you say softly. “I know you want to work, but you need to rest and heal too. I’ll be here when you wake up.”

You’re not sure why you’re telling this to his sleeping figure - perhaps telling it to him awake would be much too embarrassing. Leon’s eyebrow twitches, so you stand as quickly and quietly as you can, suddenly embarrassed by your tender moment, and you step out of the room.

If you had stayed for a second longer, you would have seen how Leon’s cheeks tinged pink yet again, how he smiled to himself, curled against his pillows, and so sweetly repeated one word:

“Love.”

Raihan

It was movie night, Raihan’s favorite night of the week, because that’s the night he got to spend with you. More importantly, that’s the night he got to sit on his couch snuggled in blankets and sweaters and drinking tea and bantering back and forth with you as you barely watched whatever was on the screen. It was always such a good excuse to sit close, and it was so natural just to casually wrap an arm around the back of his couch, and he decided that tonight was the night he’d finally make it around your shoulders.

Movie night started out as a joke when you mentioned that you had never seen Love in the Time of Pokerus (a cult classic), and Raihan was absolutely appalled and he demanded that you come over that same night to watch it. You agreed, and even brought snacks. The next week, you were shocked that Raihan had never seen Pulp Fanfiction (another cult classic), and you demanded movie night round two. The week after, Raihan suggested you both should probably make movie night a trilogy in order to honor the true cinematic genius that was trilogies, and you agreed by saying it would be an insult to art if you didn’t.

Raihan had lost count of what number you were at, but you were definitely beyond a trilogy, beyond a quadrilogy, and beyond whatever you called what was after five movies. Movie night had even evolved into dinner and movie night when you came a few weeks ago to his apartment and he could hardly focus with how much your stomach was grumbling. You tried to tell him you were fine, and when he noticed how genuinely embarrassed you were, he lied and said he hadn’t eaten dinner yet anyway, so it really wasn’t a hassle to make you something.

It was, however, an excellent opportunity to show off his cooking expertise. Although he was hoping for affirmation to begin with, your enthusiastic praise actually made him blush. Then, your comment on his blush made him blush harder. Not his best moment, but at least it made you laugh.

Raihan practically skipped to his apartment, noticing how beautiful the autumn trees were and how crisp the air felt in his lungs. Leaves crunched beneath his feet like a jaunty melody to add to the giddiness welling in him. It was your turn to pick the movie, so that meant it was his turn to cook, and he already had your favorite meal planned. It was going to be perfect. You had told him to wear his comfiest sweater, and you would wear yours, because whatever you were going to watch tonight deemed it necessary. He was fine with that, because big sweaters on you made you even cuter. If you were wearing his big sweater, well, that’d be just icing on the cake. One step at a time, though.

As he unlocked his apartment Raihan decided that, yep, tonight was the night. He’d finally break the touch barrier. You’ve hugged before (Raihan made sure of that), but never for longer than a normal friend-hug would last. You’d be full of delicious food, tired from your long shift at work, and you’d be snuggled and comfy and cozy in all the blankets he’d set up. He’d have the window open a crack so you’d want the fresh air and the blankets at the same time, but because you’d be a little chilly, you’d need to sit closer.

It was the perfect recipe for cuddling.

After cooking and prepping and swallowing his excitement time and time again, you finally texted to say you were on your way. Raihan used to be embarrassed by how hard he was crushing (Leon would even say whipped), but now he couldn’t care less. He wasn’t sure how you felt, though, so he tried not to lay the flirting on too thick like he would otherwise, just in case that scared you off. He’d rather have you as a friend than not at all.

There was a knock on the door, and Raihan nearly jumped out of his skin. Okay, be cool, be cool. He checked his appearance in the reflective microwave door, tousled his hair just enough, and stuffed his hands into his pockets nice and casually. He sucked in a breath, then opened the door.

And, he let it out, unable to hide his smile when he saw you standing there in your oversized sweater and cheeks pink from the cold.

“Alright,” you said. “I’ve brought options.”

“Options?” Raihan repeated as he leaned against his doorjam, perfectly cool. “That’s not how movie night works.”

“I’ve already taken it to the movie night board of advisors,” you said as you invited yourself into his apartment. “And they approved.”

You bantered back and forth, just as you did every week, sidestepping around each other as you prepared to eat. You were stepping closer to him than you usually did, though, but maybe that was just in Raihan’s head? It did solidify his plan of finally making a move tonight, though. He even took the chance of brushing your waist as he stepped behind you, but he didn’t get much feeling beyond your thick sweater.

Once his initial excitement to see you ebbed, Raihan covered his yawn with his sleeve. He actually had a pretty busy day himself; early workout, then extra training with the new apprentices at his gym, and a training match with Kabu. And actually, the day before that was pretty busy too… he bit back another yawn at the thought.

“You okay?” you asked.

“Yeah, just tired,” Raihan said as he stretched.

“You better not fall asleep,” you teased, and Raihan rolled his eyes as he followed you to his couch.

You both decided on one of the corny holiday movies you brought, turned it on, Raihan adjusted the blankets, you took your regular places on his couch, and his heart was pounding in his ears. He couldn’t initiate anything too early though, he had to set the mood.

Were candles too corny? Too obvious? You liked candles though, right?

“You like candles?” Raihan asked. “A fan gave me one earlier, and it smells like vanilla. Since I didn’t make a dessert, I figured that would be fitting.”

You laughed, and Raihan smiled at the sound.

“Yeah, candles are good,” you said. “Are you getting sentimental on me, Raihan?”

“No,” Raihan huffed, though his smile was prominent on his face. “Maybe.”

He stood, lit the candle, set in on the coffee table, and while he was up, he got your tea and flicked off the lights. Everything was going according to plan, so he took the initiative of sitting a few inches closer the next time he sat down.

The movie started, and the opening scene was immediately corny. Raihan groaned, but when he looked at your reaction, you had your lower lip jutting out, you were leaning towards the screen, and absolutely eating it up.

“Are you getting sentimental?” Raihan asked incredulously. “These movies are so cliche!”

“That’s what makes them nice!” you huffed. You hugged a blanket to your chest in embarrassment. “Yeah some are dumb, but they’re all like, wholesome and warm.”

“Are you cold?” Raihan asked. He knew that’s not what you meant, but he’d snatch any opportunity he had tonight. “Here, let me help.”

He scooched closer, enough that your thighs were touching, and he flung his blanket over both of your laps. He set his arm around the back of his couch, then in a moment of pure, calculated risk, curled it around your shoulders instead.

You blinked a few times, and Raihan tried not to make his tension obvious, though he did let out a deep breath when you eased into his side. Neither of you spoke a word about it with your mouths, but as the movie played, your bodies spoke loudly enough when you curled your arm around his waist, and nestled into his chest.

Tonight was going perfectly.

It was all a little cliche: the movie, the blankets, the snuggling in autumn evening, but Raihan didn’t mind. This was the most comfortable he had been in a while, and his eyes slowly drooped as the night went on. He jolted into focus when you poked his stomach though, because apparently the credits were already rolling.

“That was a good one,” Raihan mumbled, and your laugh shook your shoulders, so it shook his.

“You didn’t even watch it,” you tease when you poke him again.

“Yes I did. The woman came from that big city to the small town, then she met a guy who was humble and she didn’t think she’d like the little town but she did, he taught her the true meaning of family or friendship or something, then they kiss and live happily ever after on their quaint farm.”

Whatever you mumbled next was incoherent, and Raihan chuckled again. He gently fiddled with the fabric of your sweater sleeve and his eyes started to droop again. How could he get you to stay for just a little bit longer?

He didn’t need to think long when you bashfully mumbled next.

“There’s a sequel…”

“Amazing,” Raihan yawned, and he inwardly pouted when you got up to start the next movie. He held his arm out when you came back, an obvious invitation that any other position would be absurd. You quickly nuzzled against him again as the opening scene started.

Raihan let out a yawn and let his eyes close. He actually was dozing at first, but when you started talking to him about the movie, he jolted into focus again. After your brief conversation, he felt how you melted against him, he pretended to let out another snore, then he curled closer to you. And suddenly, the credits were rolling again, and you were both laying on his couch, tangled in thick sweaters and blankets and each other.

“Raihan,” you whispered. “Raihan wake up, the movie’s over.”

He wondered what you’d do, so he kept his eyes closed. He did curl his arms around you tighter - sleeping people did that, right? He didn’t want the night to end.

“Raihan I’ve gotta go home,” you whispered. “I can text you later, okay?”

He didn’t respond, though he was certainly frowning in his head when you untangled yourself from him. He listened to you bustling about, probably collecting your things, but he wondered why you suddenly paused. He heard the soft pat of footsteps, he almost opened his eyes, then his nerves tingled when you pressed your lips to his forehead.

“Um, tonight was fun,” you muttered. “Sleep well.”

He heard you scuffle away, heard his door open, then close again.

Raihan bolted up.

Did you just… did you just kiss him?

His legs and arms and the rest of his body were haphazardly tangled in blankets, so Raihan stumbled to the floor when he tried to stand.

“Hey!” Raihan called. “Hold on!”

He could do that for you too, except aim a few inches lower and really make it the perfect ending to the perfect night. Luckily you were only halfway down the hall.

Yeah, movie night was easily Raihan’s favorite night of the week.

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disaster-j · 4 years ago

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Pro tips for people who aren't good at feeding themselves-

(I have a whole thing of mental health issues so I often forget to eat or just can't be bothered to cook or order in and often have to force myself to eat something so as to not starve and these are some things that have helped me over the past year living on my own)

- always keep a stock of easy to make but relatively healthy options like instant/microwave/ready to cook meals

-instant soups, especially the kind that have noodles and such, are really good for when you need to eat but can't get yourself to prepare a meal.

-if you have no energy and/or no real food, eat some bread with butter and/or salt it'll help with nausea

-it always helps to keep snacks in your room for when you can't get yourself out of bed

-buy rice, it's cheap and easy to make and you can make enough to last a week and keep it in your fridge/freezer

-eggs (whatever kind you can make) over warm rice is actually a real nice meal. Especially with Sriracha.

-meal prepping is a life saver. Whenever you have the strength to cook, take the time to make enough for multiple meals. I usually did this with sandwiches as they're easy to store.

-boiled eggs take some time but are hella low effort overall and are good just on their own or on toast etc

-instant noodles can easily be made into a more balanced meal by adding simple ingredients like spring onions, spinach, eggs, sausages etc

-muesli is a healthier option to cereal, you can eat it any time of the day as a snack/meal on its own or with milk or yoghurt and fruits

-you can buy bananas and freeze them in the summer for a healthy alternative to ice cream. Just peel it, wrap in plastic wrap and smush it then freeze. Tastes awesome on it's own but you can always add sugar or syrup if you want.

#that's just some things i learned living on my own #will probably make more of these at some point

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doctorodyssey · 4 years ago

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do you have some ~easy recipes to make? i want to learn how to cook but i always find myself too tired to make anything when i get home from work /:

hello my friend! so what i find the easiest to throw together is a stir fry bc you can really use any protein and veggies, and it’s usually done in the time it takes to cook the rice.

here’s my stir fry ~formula:

1. start the rice first, bc it takes longest. i use sticky/sushi rice, but anything will work, and you can also do quinoa/another grain. here’s a rice cooking guide!

2. if you’re using tofu (which i usually do), press it right away to drain the water. i use extra firm tofu, and i wrap it in many paper towels, then i putting a cutting board with a heavy pan/book/whatever i can find on top. extra firm usually only needs 15 mins to press, but it won’t hurt to leave it until you’re ready to cook. you can use chicken/fish/shrimp/beef/pork/etc, whichever’s easiest.

3. cut your vegetables. you can literally use anything! i put garlic in everything, but everything else varies. some ideas: onions or green onions, broccoli, green beans, asparagus, bell peppers, carrots, bok choy, snap peas/snow peas, baby corn, water chestnuts (they come canned!), mushrooms, etc. frozen veggies or the pre-cut packs in the produce section are a good idea if you don’t want to chop or don’t have time.

4. cook your protein. for tofu, i usually cut it into cubes and coat them in some flour seasoned with whatever spices i feel like (mine is usually salt, pepper, garlic powder, onion powder, cayenne, and smoked paprika). then i fry it in some vegetable oil. it usually takes like...5 mins on each side, but i generally get lazy and don’t cook every side of every cube lol. you can use pretty much any protein and there’s youtube tutorials for the best way to pan fry all of them. you can also buy a rotisserie chicken from the deli and shred it, or frozen pre-cooked meats, which’ll both save a lot of time.

5. while the tofu/whatever’s cooking, make a sauce. mine is usually a random, unmeasured combination of: soy sauce, honey, some kind of chili sauce (sambal is my fave), garlic powder, rice vinegar, and sesame oil. you can 100% buy a premade stir fry sauce to make your life easier (kikkoman makes good ones, they’re usually in the asian foods section). if you wanna make your own, just start with like...1/3-1/2 cup of soy sauce and add stuff until it tastes good. it’s honestly very hard to mess up.

6. remove protein from pan and cook veggies. as a general rule, hard vegetables take longest. put stuff like broccoli and asparagus in first, then onions, then softer things like bok choy. if you can’t tell if something’s done cooking, stick a fork in and feel how soft it is. if you still can’t tell, taste it. if you’re using frozen, follow instructions on the package. put the garlic in LAST or else it’ll most definitely burn and you’ll be sad.

7. put protein back in w the veggies and pour in the sauce. cook it for a few mins to thicken it up. if you want, you can combine a tablespoon of corn starch and a tablespoon of cold water to help it thicken, but i wouldn’t recommend that if you’re gonna eat it again the next day, bc the corn starch makes it kinda gummy later on.

8. serve over rice. i sometimes add a fried egg on top!

that was longer than i intended.........and i am not done

here’s some places i usually find easy recipes:

my absolute queen budget bytes

honestly...buzzfeed tasty has good & quick one pot recipes

binging with babish’s basics series is very good for learning how to cook

i don’t really like to give conde nast my money, especially bon appetit, but i use an ad blocker to go on their basically site. every recipe is 10 ingredients or less!

pro home cooks, which used to be called brothers green - he makes, like, everything, but a lot of his vids focus on cheap and easy meals. (i haven’t watched any of his meal prep vids but i bet they’re good)

if you have a day, or even a few hours, every week that you can set aside, you might wanna look into meal prep. you don’t even have to prep entire meals; just pre-cutting all your veggies and portioning them into containers makes cooking after work/school feel so much easier.

here are some meal prepping youtubers:

mind over munch - i s2g this woman is like the queen of meal prepping. she’s also like way too perky but it’s fine bc her vids are VERY helpful even if you don’t wanna make the exact meals she makes

goodful’s professional meal prepper series - she gets paid to go to ppl’s homes and meal prep for them, and she shares a lot of easy recipes that are good for prepping and also just general tips for the best ways to cook and store stuff!

and finally here’s some easy stuff i make when i’m lazy:

i boil water for pasta, i chop up broccoli into tiny little pieces and throw it in the boiling water with the pasta when there’s like 4 mins left. i drain it, put it back in the pan, and add butter, italian cheese(s), garlic powder or a garlic herb seasoning blend, salt, and pepper. it’s so good.

premade gnocchi with jarred sauce or storebought pesto, served w whatever vegetable will take the least time to cook (i had this today with asparagus lol)

canned salmon burgers!

tuna & mayo mixed w rice, top w eggs and nori if i have it (thank u @oddesteyecircle)

smashed chickpea salad - i take a can of chickpeas and smash em w a potato masher, then i add mayo, dijon mustard, lemon juice to taste, and whatever spices i feel like (usually salt, pepper, garlic powder, onion powder, cumin, cayenne, paprika, turmeric bc i like the color it adds lol). serve on toasted bread w/ whatever you like on sandwiches (i do tomatoes, hima usually does cucumber slices and spinach)

this doesn’t count as cooking really but the chipotle black bean burgers from don lee farms (we get them at costco) are incredible. i usually make em w frozen fries and microwave steamed broccoli (if u haven’t caught on i love broccoli)

bfast for dinner (pancakes from a box, scrambled eggs, bacon/sausage, maybe some potatoes)

aaaand i think that’s all i have to say! when in doubt, u can always ALWAYS find a recipe on youtube for literally anything. i hope this was helpful!!!!!!!

#this is so fuckign long LOL I DID NOT PLAN THIS #food #ask #Anonymous

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allthebooksandcrannies · 4 years ago

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Freezable and Shelf-Stable Meal Ideas

If anyone else struggles with finding the time or energy to cook for themselves but doesn’t really want to deal with delivery or wants some healthier options, i thought i’d share some of my recipes and strategies. These are the things that work for me.

I have a lot more time on the weekends to cook than i do during the week, so i like to meal-prep in bulk and then freeze it until i’m ready to just pop a serving in the microwave. For that i typically go with breakfast tacos (either refried beans and cheese or potato and egg), slices of pizza (here’s my favorite crust recipe), or these ham & cheese hot pockets. All of these freeze and defrost pretty well, though the tortillas sometimes get a little soggy. I also think broccoli also defrosts well, so i usually keep a bag of frozen broccoli at all times and just steam-cook a serving at a time in the microwave as needed.

Slices of bell pepper also last a long time in the fridge and make good sides/snacks (or pizza toppings) if you need to add some other veggies in but don’t like to put in a lot of prep every time.

I also like to keep some boxed stuff that can be made really quickly in the pantry. Spaghetti ingredients are a good default, but i also try to keep some minute rice (which goes well with the broccoli), zatarains red beans and rice, and bisquick mix. Mac & cheese and canned soup are also nice to keep when i want something hardier but don’t want to put in a lot of effort. These things are also nice if you’re just cooking for yourself because they usually are for families and you can eat off the leftovers for a few days.

Feel free to reblog with your own freezable or low effort meals!

#cw: food #cw: recipes #cooking #recipes #cheap recipes #easy meals #low effort meals #original posts

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7r0773r · 5 years ago

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Kitchen Confidential: Adventures in the Culinary Underbelly by Anthony Bourdain

There are also the terms of the trade, the jargon. Every trade has one. You already know some of our terms. ‘86′ is the best known. A dish is 86′ed when there’s no more. But you can use the term for someone who’s just been fired, or about to be fired, or for a bar customer who’s no longer welcome.

One doesn’t refer to a table of six or a table of eight; it’s a six-top or an eight-top. Two customers at a table are simply a deuce. ‘Weeded’ means ‘in the weeds’, ‘behind’, ‘in the shit’ or ‘dans la merde’ — a close cousin and possible outcome of being ‘slammed’, ‘buried’ or ‘hit’.

A waitron or waitron unit is an old-school ’70s term — gender non-specific — for floor personnel, who are also, at staff mealtime, referred to as the floor or the family or simply scum. And the meal itself becomes —particularly if it’s the usual trinity of chicken, pasta and salad — the shaft meal or the gruel.

Then there’s the equipment. Since the introduction of the Cuisinart, any food processor can be referred to as the Queez; the square and oblong metal sauce containers are six-pans or eight-pans depending on size, and the long, shallow ones hotels. The cook’s spoons with holes or slots are, unsurprisingly, female, and the unslotted ones, male.

Meez is mise-en-place: your set up, your station prep, your assembled ingredients and, to some extent, your state of mind. A la minute is made-to-order from start to finish. Order!, when yelled at a cook means ‘Make initial preparations’ such as searing, half-cooking, setting up for finishing. Fire! means ‘Finish cooking’ and get ready for ‘pick up’. Food ready to be picked up is put in the window or en la ventana — also called the pass, the slide or the shelf. The ‘slide’ refers to the slotted rack where dupes or tickets containing orders hang. So you could say, ‘What orders do I have hanging?’ and the reply could be, ‘You got two steak’ on order for the deuce on five, three soles are fired.’ A cook might ask for an all-day, a total number of a particular item both ordered and fired, with temperatures, meaning degrees of doneness. And on the fly means Rush!

A wipe means just what it sounds like: a last-minute plate-cleaning. Marijuana or mota or chronic is chopped parsley. Jiz is any reduced liquid, like demi-glace. When one adds whole butter to jiz, one is mounting, as in monter-au-beurre. Cook well-done translates to ‘Burn it!’ or ‘Murder it!’ or ‘Kill it!’ When one finds oneself waiting too long for a well-done steak to finish cooking, and it’s holding up the rest of the order, one can suggest throwing it in the jukebox, or giving it a little radar love in the micro or microwave.

The latex surgical gloves we rarely wear are anal research gloves, and one usually puts them on with some theatrical flourish, snapping and grinning menacingly, accompanied by suggestions to ‘Turn left and cough’ or ‘Grab your ankles, ’cause here comes papi chulo’. Those paper toques are coffee filters or clown hats, the checked pants we all wear, simply checks, our jackets and aprons, whites.

When the boss arrives, it’s ‘Elvis is in the building’ or ‘Pssst, desastre es aquí! And the usual nicknames apply to any and all: cooks, waiters, busboys and runners alike. Crude irony abounds. Cachundo, meaning ‘piece of ass’, might be applied to a particularly homely runner. Caliman, meaning ‘strong man’, is reserved for a weak cook, Rayo, or ‘flash’ to a slow-poke; Baboso, or ‘drooling idiot’ to, well, any drooling idiot. Any blond, well-scrubbed waiter can become ‘Opie’, ‘Richie Cunningham’ or ‘Doogie Howser Motherfucker’. Stocky busboy? Sounds like Burro to me. When referring to themselves collectively, my Mexican carnales like La Raza or La M (pronounced la emaayy), or La Mafia. Externs from culinary school, working for free as a ‘learning experience’ — which by itself translates to ‘lots of work and no money’ — are quickly tagged as FNG (Fucking New Guy), or Mel for mal carne (bad meat). Army, short for ‘army cook’, or the classic but elegant shoe, short for ‘shoemaker’, are the perennial insults for a lousy or ‘slophouse’ cook.

There are the usual terms of endearment, all perfectly acceptable in casual conversation between cooks: motherfucker (a compliment), cocksucker, sunofbeech, dipshit, scumbag, scum-sucker, dumb-fuck, rat-bastard, slackjaw, idiota, bruto, animale, asesino, mentiroso, whining little bed-wetter, turd, tortuga, strunze, salaud, salopard, chocha podrida, pendejo, silly cunt, seso de pollo, spazz, goofball, bucket-head, chucho, papi-chulo, sweet-cheeks, cupcakes, love-chunks, culero, shit-stain, cum-gargler, and so on. Asshole, strangely, is serious, to be used only when genuinely angry, and any expression involving a person’s wife/mother/girlfriend/boyfriend or family member directly (with the notable exception of motherfucker) is strictly off-limits. You may well have seen your grill man’s wife jacking off motorists for spare change on West Street — but you don’t talk about it. Ever.

A lot of cook talk is transplanted from the fringes of military jargon. One doesn’t carry, one humps. To be set up is to be squared away. He sucks it up and endures, digs in for the rush, takes a bad hit if one station is disproportionately busy — is simply fucked or fucked in the ass when things go badly . . . at which point, one’s buddy hopefully steps in and bails you out, covers your ass, saves your bacon.

Aspirins are called crunchies because we eat them like candy. Finger cots are condoms, pronounced with Spanish inflection. The nail on which completed orders are spindled is the spike. Any round metal container placed in a water bath is a bain (pronounced bayn) from bain-marie pronounced baahn maree), or simply a crock. The life we live is la puta vida, ‘this bitch of a life’, and one might well bemoan a sorry state of affairs with a cry of Porca miseria! (Pig of misery!) or Qué doloré!, ‘What pain!’

The slide, when full of dupes, is called the board, as in, ‘The board is full’. Food currently being loaded by a runner or waiter is My hand, as in ‘Where’s that fucking steak?’ Reply: ‘My hand, Chef!’ A hot nut is used when an expeditor wants something now: ‘I gotta hot nut for that sole on table six’. This is often for a VIP, or ‘Very important Pendejo’ or PPX, or soignee muthafucka —meaning friend of the owner, or the man himself. So make sure to move that food out rush or STAT.

Applying what we’ve learned to a battlefield situation, one might find oneself saying: ‘I gotta hot nut for that six-top on seven, Cabrón! It’s been fired for ten fucking minutos, pinche tortuga. What? You don’t got yer meez together, asesino? Get that shit in the window, you seso de pollo pinche grill man — throw it in the fucking jukebox if you have to. The rest of the order my hand! And don’t forget to give it a wipe and some mota and a squirt of that red jiz on the way out, I got shit hanging here and you’re falling in the fucking weeds!’

‘Working,’ might come the reply. ‘I getting buried here. How come the sauté no getting slammed like me? I take it in the ass all night! How ’bout table ocho? Fire? I can go on eight?’

Which might inspire this: ‘Eight my hand, baboso! Eight fucking gone! Eight fucking dying en la ventana waiting for Doogie Howser Motherfucker to pick up! You got dead dupes back there, idiota — what the fuck are you doing? You are in the shit! Hey, Rayo! Step in and bail the culero out!’ (pp. 224-28)

#anthony bourdain #book quotes

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