#I will try and be active on here over the weekend/next week hopefully!!

[morisenatha]

[ sorry for disappearing from here for a while!! dawntrail and shadow of the erdtree got me real good unfortunately and took over my brainspace ]

[chaostudee]

my woman part two, lando norris

summary : y/n spends the summer break with her two favourite people but summer always has to come to an end. warnings : none a/n : tysm for all the love on part one, here is the highly requested part two xx

y/nusername summer with my love

liked by landonorris, alexsaintmleux, georgerussell and 4,118,910 others.

user119 omg the bump im sobbing 😭

f1fan my fav family

alexsaintmleux literally glowing

y/nusername 💋

landonorris i don't want this summer to end

carmenmundt can't wait to see you <3

y/nusername literally can't wait to see you again eeek

y/nmyfave i can't believe that they are acc going to be parents soon, literally felt like yesterday when they announced their engagement 🫠

y/nusername

》 landonorris god you are so beautiful

》 y/nusername such a simp 🤭 》 landonorris only for you

》 user11 dress from where???

》 f1fan i think its zara but i'm not sure

》 carmenmundt is that my cardigan i see 👀

》 y/nusername my fashion icon

landonorris the summer break of dreams.

liked by y/nusername, oscarpiastri, charlesleclerc and 5,910,901 others.

y/nusername yes he did ask me to play mermaids with him

landonorris yk u wanted to ;)

f1fan normally summer break is hell but my parents being active makes up for it

user9201 he's so cutsie like look at that smile

y/nlover y/n one chance plssss

charlesleclerc inside he's still a child

oscarpiastri i can confirm this ☝️

carmenmundt reunited with bestie @y/nusername

liked by georgerussell, landonorris and y/nusername and 230,001 others.

y/nusername my fav person

landonorris um excuse me tffff

georgerussell ❤️

f1fan underrated duo imo !

user102 imagine being friends with them 😩

landonorris back to the track 🏎

》 user929 stop no more y/n and lando content kill me now

》 f1fan he looks miserable

y/nusername

landonorris good result, good food, good weekend.

liked by maxverstappen, charlesleclerc and oscarpiastri and 6,334,906 others.

f1lover his smileeee im blushing

user929 the curls are curling

oscarpiastri he did in fact try to fit all those waffles in his mouth all at once

charlesleclerc 💀

f1wagupdates bros majestic

carmenmundt

liked by landonorris, georgerussell, oscarpiastri and 590,820 others.

landonorris george's face is such a jumpscare

charlesleclerc fr

f1_619 queen of the paddock

user929 stop i miss y/n so bad

f1lover BEST WAG AND BEST COUPLE ARGUE WITH THE WALL

georgerussell i love you

landonorris had to dnf on the last lap, but oscar on the podium so great job team 💪 hopefully next week is better.

liked by mclaren, oscarpiastri and charlesleclerc and 4,220,790 others.

f1fan it's okay pookie we still love you

oscarpiastri sorry mate but if u want we can co own my trophy

landonorris um yesss

f1lover mclaren screwed him over again

user528 girl what-

y/nusername baby girl is here (evelyn norris) and we couldn't be happier. we both love you so much already and can't wait for the rest of our lives with you.

liked by landonorris, georgerussell, carmenmundt and 8,910,517 others.

landonorris our baby girl 🫶

carmenmundt my bsf is officially a mommy

georgerussell congrats you guys !!

user7282 yes i sobbed when i saw this post and what about it?

oscarpiastri real

lewishamilton big congratulations to you both ❤️

f1wagupdates sobbing

fernandoalonso wow i feel old

f1lover im calling it first she will be the star of the paddock

taglist ⭑.ᐟ

@lottalove4evelyn

@sweetestgirlintown111

@hadidsworld

@mxryxmfooty

[cleolinda]

The happenings, Tumblr edition

Obviously I am not happy about the prospect of Tumblr going into sunset "guess we'll just let it die" mode (or possibly "Let's sell it to fuck knows who!!"), if that is indeed what is happening. My clinical anxiety needs a lot of things. This is not one of them.

I've been using Tumblr as my primary hangout for pretty much exactly a year now. I am tired of watching platforms enshittify and crumble. Why does this keep happening to us. I am weary.

At the same time, yeah, Twitter is dogshit now, but a year after it got taken over, it is there still. There were some problems on Reddit, but it's thoroughly still there. There was time to figure out some migration for all the good it did.

I worked on essay-type posts and recaps all this year to figure out approximately how many spoons I have and how much I can expect to post a month, before I actually got the Patreon running in October. A solid 1-2 Long Posts a month, it seems like, and maybe more frequently if I do shorter posts. And Tumblr has great opportunities to just keep reblogging and sharing things, sometimes adding comments, so I feel like I'm active even when I'm stuck trying to finish a post of my own.

So now, fuck me, I guess

So I have the Patreon as a way to say, hey, I'm here no matter what else happens, sign up for the ~*free*~ weekend linkspam/check-in, here's what I posted wherever this week, I'll put up some early or extra stuff if you'd like to upgrade to a fancy tier someday. It is truly most important to me for people to just know where I am; you don't have to commit to the $1 or $5 tiers.

But I also want a way to post my writing publicly, so people can, you know, see it. So I'm gonna start mirroring my own longer posts on Dreamwidth, I guess. That's the place I know to go back to.

Hopefully Dreamwidth does not go also down in flames!!!!

I've started archiving some of my work (also from LJ and Twitter) as PDFs in Dropbox. Mostly as a safeguard for myself, but I'll make it a public link on the Patreon.

I would really like to keep up with where people are going, what sites people are going to try to migrate to next, and I'll pass that info on as I get it.

All that said, I think most of us will stay on Tumblr as long as we can, if only for the very unique shoot-the-shit culture it has. Like, people aren't leaving it so much as preparing for the future.

[michelle-is-writing]

Family, Ben Hardy

Word Count: 1.8k~

Warnings: mention of having kids, all of the family members are made up.

Ben's family wasn't gigantic, as he didn't have many siblings; however, he did have a lot of cousins who also had a lot of kids, which he still considered to be his nieces and nephews. This meant that family gatherings were always full of small children running around playing, occasionally getting an adult to join them in their fun activities. Sometimes it would be one of Ben's younger cousins, but because Ben loved his nieces and nephews to death (and he could never say no to them), he was the primary target of their games.

Upon walking onto Ben's parent's back patio with him beside me, I quickly give him a kiss on the lips just as one of his six-year-old nieces runs up and tries to drag him onto the yard where all the kids play football (or soccer, if you're in America). Smiling, he gives me one quick wave before blowing a kiss and yelling, "I love you!" It's nothing unusual - all of the kids love Ben.

It's only a matter of seconds before Ben is rolling around in the grass with his nephews and nieces as he playfully fights for the ball they're trying to hide from him. The sight makes me smile as the overwhelming sense of love I have for Ben rushes over me, causing my heart to beat like a hummingbird. Not to mention the slowly growing baby in my womb happens to make every sweet scene ten times more emotional as well.

"He sure does love kids," I hear a sweet voice say beside me, causing me to turn my head and see Ben's mom beside me. Almost immediately, I hug her, smiling as she hugs me back and holds me close, her sweet demeanor reflecting the one that Ben has. "When are you two going to have some?" She asks with a laugh, rubbing her hand on my shoulder.

Biting my lip, I pull away from the hug with an even brighter smile before answering. "Hopefully," I tell Ben's mom, taking her hand in mine before pressing it to my stomach. "This one will be here within the next six to seven months."

Almost instantly, she picks up on the blatant revelation before gasping with a grin and hugging me again, almost jumping out of her shoes. "This is wonderful!" She nearly shouts, making me laugh. Pulling back once more, she puts her hands on my shoulders to look at me. "You're pregnant!" She squeals, tears making their way to my eyes at her excitement.

"Ben doesn't know yet," I quickly tell her, receiving a confused look back from her in response. "I wanted to surprise him this weekend, and I just found out a few days ago," I explain as she moves a hand up to rest on my shoulder. With my explanation, she nods and smiles, placing her other hand on my stomach once more.

"You're not that far, are you?" She asks, receiving a head shake back from me.

"No, I think I'm only eight weeks along," I tell her, watching her light up as she turns her head toward Ben's dad as he walks closer.

"Honey, honey!" She beckons him over with a wave of her hand. Smiling, he stops beside her as she takes his hand in hers and places it against my stomach, just as I had done with her moments ago. "We're going to be grandparents!" She whisper-shouts to him with the same excited grin from moments ago.

Just like her, Ben's dad smiles brightly before hugging me, giving my back a few pats before pulling away. "That's fantastic," He says, hugging his wife to his side. "Although, I can tell Ben doesn't know yet."

With a confused smile, I question him, gaining an amused chuckle back. "I think if he knew, he wouldn't let you out of his sight," He explains, making both me and Ben's mom laugh. He's probably right.

Soon enough, Ben's parents go and greet other members of the family while I turn back to watch Ben play with the kids. It's nothing unusual to see the kids try and topple him over, and after a minute of them doing so, he always falls over purposely to make the kids laugh and feel victorious.

Although, what isn't normal is to see one of Ben's nephews, Jeremy, by himself in the garden area. From afar, he looks upset. You can tell by his hunched over form that he's trying to hide himself from the rest, and the sight alone makes me sad. Everyone else is having so much fun - so, why is he trying to be alone?

Walking down the steps of the patio, I walk across the pure green lawn and step onto the concrete stairs of the garden before sitting down beside the small boy. Jeremy glances over at me, only to quickly wipe away his tears.

"Jeremy, honey, what's wrong?" I quickly ask the small boy, placing my hand on his back, which prompts him to lean closer to me. Ben and I have been around these kids since they were little and could barely crawl, it was only expected that they grew close to us.

"Nothing, Auntie (Y/n)," He promises, despite his voice wavering. I frown at this, running my hand over his arm as he rests his head on my arm, trying hard not to resume crying.

"Jer, I know it's not "nothing" - it has to be something," I urge him, looking down to see him closing his puffy and red eyes. I need to know if something is really wrong with him.

After a few seconds, the seven-year-old lets out a sigh before talking. "Everyone is better than me," Jeremy mutters, kicking away a pebble with a gentle nudge of his foot.

"Why do you say that?" I ask, pushing away the hair that had fallen in his face.

"Because they are!" Jeremy practically thunders, only to quickly apologize at his outburst. "It's just... I'm not good at football like Uncle Ben or my cousins..." He further explains, "I'm not good at sports at all, really... everyone's just better than me at everything."

Not knowing what the right thing to do is, I do the first thing that comes to mind and pull him closer to me. "No, they aren't," I tell him, quickly resuming as he begins to cut me off. "And do you want to know something?"

"What?" The seven-year-old asks, peering up at me through crystal green eyes, just like Ben and Ben's father. It must be something passed down in the family; maybe mine and Ben's child will have his forest-like eyes as well.

"I think you are good at sports, but sports don't really matter - what matters is that you are such a kind, soft hearted boy who doesn't deserve to be sad ever," I begin, smiling down at him. "So, don't worry about sports, there are much more important things to worry about. Okay?"

A few seconds pass as Jeremy ponders my words before smiling brightly and practically jumping up from the garden steps. I was expecting him to be a bit cheerier, but I wasn't expecting a total turnaround in his sullen attitude. "Thanks, Auntie (Y/n)! You're gonna be the best mom!" The little boy shouts before running off to join the other kids in what I could assume is another game of football.

Meanwhile, I continue sitting in my spot on the stone steps, thinking about Jeremy's words just as he had done with mine. Smiling to myself, I miss the larger body moving to sit next to mine just before I jolt as I feel familiar arms wrap around me and pull me close. Jerking my head up to see who it is, I let out a small laugh once I see Ben's face, his blond locks matted against his forehead from sweat.

Smiling, Ben gazes down at me as his chest lightly heaves with each breath that enters and leaves his lips. The kids probably did a number on him, going by his reddened cheeks and panting. Not to mention the small drops of sweat sliding down his flustered skin and onto his (what used to be a nice) jumper.

"I heard what you told Jeremy," Ben mutters, moving close to press his lips against my temple. He then moves his hand to my stomach, causing me to accidentally hold my breath. "You are going to be a fantastic mom one day."

Just like earlier with his mom, tears begin forming in my eyes as I wrap my hand around his larger one on my stomach. Glancing back up at him, his eyebrows furrow once he sees my tear-laced eyes. Before he can ask me anything, I quickly explain myself. "Hopefully, in thirty-two weeks, I'll have the opportunity to do so," I tell him, watching as he slightly leans back a bit to look over me.

"Are you...?" He begins, only to stop himself as I nod. Almost instantly, a grin takes over Ben's features as he pulls me against him, moving his lips on top of mine while his arms hold me tightly against him. The tears in my eyes then fall without hesitation just as he moves to wipe them away.

"I'm so happy, darling," He tells me, standing and taking me with him as the grin returns to his face. As soon as I'm on my feet, Ben rewraps an arm around me and pulls me close, causing me to gaze up at him with an almost dopey smile. "No wonder Mum hasn't been able to stop grinning," he notes, giving my side a gentle squeeze before we both step back onto the lawn.

As soon as we do so, the kids run back to Ben and try to tug on my hand. "Auntie (Y/n)!" Berniece, one of our younger nieces, grins up at me. "Can you come and play?"

"Actually, Auntie (Y/n) was about to go rest," Ben tells the kids, making me turn to him with an eyebrow raised. Although, I can't help the smirk that comes to my lips - sure enough, Ben's dad was right. "In fact..." Ben mutters just before bending down to place his other arm under my legs and pick me up, resulting in me quickly gripping onto him for my life.

"Ben!" I shriek his name, making all the kids laugh. Ben just continues smiling as he looks at me in his arms, his dad's loud and happy voice from the porch following the sound of the kids' laughter.

"What did I tell you?!"

[fujimusume]

I keep forgetting to post here…

Recently, an exhibit on Pili budaixi (glove puppetry) opened at the Taiwan Culture Center in Tokyo on June 20, 2024. It’ll last until July 29th; note, though, that it’s only open on weekdays.

It’s not a very big exhibit, and the info is all in Japanese. But it’s a rare chance to see the official puppets of Shang Bu Huan, Lin Xue Ya, and Dan Fei — and not just any official version of the puppets, but rather, the main ones.

That’s right — we’re talking not their stunt-double puppets or official replicas meant for most exhibits/events, but rather, the main puppets they used for filming!

The three characters’ Takarazuka costumes and props are also on display, but photos of those aren’t allowed. (You can take pics of the puppets, though!)

It might take me some time to cross-post over here everything I already posted to Twitter, if at all, but I got to attend two special events in conjunction with this exhibit: a panel on opening day, and a fan event earlier, on the 22nd.

Again, I’m more active on Twitter because it really is easier to post in real time over there, and it’s not considered spamming to be posting so much because you’re updating a thread. So, I might not be able to post much here… Plus, I’ll be busy for most of next week.

But before I go to sleep, I think some of you Thunderbolt Fantasy fans over here might enjoy seeing my vids from this weekend’s event. Let me share one first; the rest will maybe follow.

Two of Pili’s veteran puppeteers guested at this event, which consisted of a combination of pre-planned puppet performances and requests from the audience.

To my delight, one of the fans who got picked to make a request asked to see Shang Bu Huan and Wan Jun Po’s adventure era, and, well… this is what the puppeteers came up with on the spot!

Old man yaoi… /j

Sorry for the inconvenience, but the rest of my vids and pics from this event are in this Twitter thread!

And my Twitter thread for the event on the 20th is here!

I plan to make event reports for both, as well as a long-overdue Anime Japan 2024 report, hopefully by the end of this month or early next month.

I will slowly try to upload more vids here when I can, but no guarantees 🙇🏻‍♀️ Realistically I don’t think I’ll be able to post everything I already posted on Twitter…

NOTE: Please do not take my vids / pics and claim them as your own. Please credit me by linking to my posts. Thank you!

[visage-of-hell]

I'm still alive, sweethearts! I'm so sorry for the radio silence both here and on Discord, it's been a WEEK. My phone screen broke so I've been without a phone since Monday, plus me and the fam are in the midst of prepping the house for next week's Halloween party which has been a LOT--fun, but a lot. XD New phone should hopefully be here by tomorrow, based on tracking info, so that'll be one less thing to stress me out. Slowly but surely gonna try and start rolling out some drafts over the course of the weekend, cuz I've missed you guys like hell (YES pun intended LOL). Streaming some Dead by Daylight later tonight over on Twitch, and then I'mma be active on Discord the rest of the night til I head to bed! <3

[subway-boss-jericho]

Hey all! Announcement stuff!

Thank you to everyone who has been very patient with me. I swear to god i could turn into one of those Ao3 authors thats like "hahaha sorry i havent updated in so long i died and then came back to life and then i had to work 7 jobs" and im being so fucking brave about it!! ANYWAYS THATS NOT WHAT THIS IS ABOUT!

Tomorrow is the 1 Year anniversary of steady tracks chapter 1! 🥳(and also my birthday. yes that was on purpose)

So! I wanted to give you all some updates and stuff to look forward to because oh god it sure has been an entire fucking year since I uploaded stuff and I refuse to feel bad about it but my brain is trying so hard to make me! I am working on chapter 2. Progress has been terribly slow because of severe life events, thank you for your understanding.

So!! What's next? Well, over the summer I am really fucking hoping to finish chapter 2. I know I keep saying this but literally i stg. I'm going apeshit. do you know how hard it is to think about something for an entire year and never have the time, motivation, or energy at the same time to make it exist?? fucked up!! Before that though, I have a few things.

I TOLD you all that I would talk about an AU of mine, whichever was highest voted in that strawpoll I did, and then surprise i fuckin didnt do that. I would very very much like to do that! The problem, I realized, is that I operate super hard on a reactionary basis so I am not prone to talking about anything that is mine until prompted about it or given permission. Fucking, Wack. This is my house. I should be cringe and free but nooooo. Anyways, because of this, I am planning on doing 2 things -> Actually tell you guys about spirit keeper! You all voted for him back when, and especially with that ✨Fucking, Gorgeous✨ commission from Fronomeeps I got (for me birthday :]) I really really really want to do that. And post my art more. and shit like that. seriously i need to get out of my head or I'll explode. someone needs to scream about how cool these stories are with me or I'll dissolve. -> I am thinking of doing a day long event where I stream an Aggie/(Magma?) where I draw my AUs and let people hop in to join in (as long as it stays on topic!) as well as answering as many asks as I can about my many aus and basically setting you guys up to trick me into infodumping. Because let me tell you i have a year and a halfs worth of words in my head and i am 100% confident ingo and emmet enjoyers would really like to hear them. So I wanna do a big ask party Q&A and really get things rolling!! Hopefully with drawings and doodles involved! as a celebration for myself, and as a way to open up to the greater fandom (Please leave a comment if you think that sounds cool, I'm trying to gauge interest because if i went all out and no one showed up it would be Extremely Depressing!)

ON! THAT! TOPIC!!! I am actively (literally interspersed with as I am typing this) making a UQUIZ about all of my significant AUs. For the record, there are 23 results on this quiz. I currently only have 3/23 final results completed, but it is my active focus over the weekend to finish as many of those as I can to try and complete the entire thing within a week or less. Also poking at my phrasing here, when I say my significant aus I Mean It, I have more than 23, but these 23 are the ones with stories tangible enough to start somewhere and elaborate on. I have about 10 that I would consider my main AUs, but some of the smaller ones are huge sleeper favorites.

SO YEAH!!! PLEASE LOOK FORWARD TO THAT AND LET ME KNOW IF YOU'RE INTERESTED!! I really wanna do fun stuff and get to know people in the fandom more than just. that person who wrote 1 chapter of a cool fic that one time. I have so much more to offer and I struggle so much to offer it. Please draw me out of my shell, I wish to enter the fandom sphere 🥺

thank you for giving me a great year <3 ((and hopefully the next one will be better <3))

[sardonic-sprite]

I'm Back!

Wow, so Lent is over now, so my tumblr fast is also over and I'm still a little in shock, lol. I had hoped the past six weeks? I don't know, Time is weird, would be more productive but at least I got SOME stuff written/posted. Anyway, I have one more month of school and then fucking FINALS so expect sporadic updates at idiot-o-clock hours of the night, and maybe yell at me to sleep, eat, study, or drink water whenever i do post 😅

I am up to SO EFFING MANY wips rn on so many different fronts you guys have no freaking idea 😭 so here's a status report for EVERYTHING on or going on sardonic_sprite. (Its gonna be a monster post, y'all, bear with me)

in absolutely no particular order:

Wayne4Ham: We have a LONG way to go with this one, so just be patient and I'll slowly but steadily plug on through. Aaron Burr, Sir, should theoretically take me no longer than end of april

Wayne-Crazy: there's like 4 specific requests on it, plus a few 'series' i started, but after those, say 6-7, i'll probably mark as complete and only re-open if someone offers me an idea

Batman Beginners: i'll tell y'all up front, this one will take me forever. i don't even know what all I intend to cover, but know that i'm halfway done with the DITF arc, and it'll probably come out in the next two months

Just A Kid: this was my shits-and-giggles fic that got like 3000 notes in a weekend lmao. it's something i do intend to continue bc its so fun and i enjoy the concepts in it, but i don't have plans to actively write more of it in the immediate future.

Rev Wayne: just gave y'all Jason's fic, so the next probably won't come until late in summer, extrapolating from my few data points. if anyone has ideas for timmy's intro, let me know, i'd love some inspiration

Celeb Batwaynes: reported separate from wayne-crazy for reasons. i think theres like 12 specific requests plus 2 ideas of my own. i may put out a poll for the next one to write, but not until after school's out, because these fics are HUGE time-eaters for me. speaking of, are non-tumblr-users able to vote on polls?

Welcome to Gotham U: this was again, me doing shit bc why not. will probably add more in the style that i first posted, but i doubt i will write any prose for it. if you would like to give it a try, please reach out, i'd love to see what you write!

One Diamond: every time i touch this i make the cliffhanger worse lmao. i finally do have a direction, but execution is gonna have to wait a while.

The Young, Innocent, and Righteous: this is mostly just for me anyway, but i'm just gonna say that i'm waiting until i finish watching miraculous season 5 before i go any further

AS you wish: i have 5 more requests to do and i am so sorry to everyone waiting you do not deserve this lmao. i promise im trying, i love your ideas, it just takes me a really long time to fill in the rest and then actually write it. the next one on my list is particularly hard to pin down and so it's halting the ones behind it to. if not before, then after finals i will sit and bang my head on the keyboard until something good comes out

Light Isn't Fadin': soooooo many people have asked me about this one oof. SOMEDAY, i swear. right now its a huge, nebulous, hulking monster and im sorry it's just not happening yet.

A christmas carol: wait until december. please

Father's Day: june.

A Little Problem: over the summer, i will watch marvel movies until they once again hijack my brain and fuel this to completion. maybe.

easter eggs: how the fuck did i forget this lmao. i'm doing as much as i can in april, but when the month is done, i'm sorry, we'll all be waiting until next lenten season. hopefully it won't come to that.

aaaaand i THINK that's finally it. there's also a bunch of random paragraphs in word and google docs that may appear, not to mention ideas that kidnap me in dark alleys. but i also have like a good half dozen other wips for other places that im trying to attend to, so please be forgiving if it seems like its taking a while to post something as sprite.

as always, i love questions, comments, concerns, even some complaints, so feel free to interact.

See ya when I see ya!

sprite

[woednesdayaddams]

this week's a little hard over here. not only is my schedule messed up, but we've got the bathroom renovated and let me tell you, getting rid of tiles is nerve wreaking. i think i slept maybe 3 - 4h at most? i'm trying to keep it together, but this unfortunately causes a delay in replies everywhere, ic and ooc. i will be back though, hopefully this weekend or next week. i will try to remain somewhat active, but i can't guarantee that.

[steamishot]

T-2 months

it's now officially under two months until the big move. i can't wait. until then, there are three events to look forward to: my texan aunt and cousin visiting NYC, going to boston for a fancy whipipo wedding (my first ever) and seeing K again, and lastly, switzerland.

the 4 weeks of matt's jury duty flew by. by the last week, we had to really coordinate being out of the apartment at different times so that each person could get alone time. i would go to the lounge or ceramics when he was at home. when he was at jury duty, i would be home. he finally returns to the hospital tomorrow. he only has 2.5 more week shifts to go before its the end of this NYU era.

ceramics: lately, i've been trying to go to ceramics like 4-5x/week. i'm getting the hang of throwing things one day, trimming the next, and putting it to fire as soon as possible. even if the pieces are imperfect, i just throw them in there. i have received six pieces back so far and they're much bigger and more usable than the ones i made at my first japanese studio. i recently just made my first mug (wheel throwing for the body and handbuilding for the handle) using a not neutral latte cup for inspiration. hopefully it also comes out usable. ceramics friend LG is out of town for the month of july, but i'll see her for a little bit in august.

work: in the last 1.5 weeks or so, i've been spending 1-2 hours per day with the new hire A. in the beginning, i *felt* (but obviously did not show it) very frustrated and impatient because she was really slow. sometimes i would show her things one day, and she would not recognize it the next day. she would come off as overwhelmed with all the different types of trainings she did. when we went over different systems, it seemed she had no prior knowledge of it despite completing the trainings. anyway, i appreciate that this year, i get to teach instead of do. and i must say that it is rewarding once she actually gets it. this is also the MOST time i've ever spent with a colleague, so in a sense, it does help me feel more connected to my work.

NYC: i can appreciate NYC and the hustle and bustle of this city in increments, but every time i'm here for too long (after the first initial couple of years), i feel quite unhappy. there is a sense of "stuckness". one, because our apartment is very small. two, we lack community. and also in the grander scheme, i generally have little interest in the events/things that the city has to offer minus my ceramics and yoga classes. i can only eat so much, and i naturally prefer nature/less dense areas. i'd rather not deal with crowds anywhere - and they're pretty much everywhere here.

i learned that my general unhappiness has been directed towards picking fights with matt, or taking it out on him in general. i need to keep myself in check and try my best to keep myself busy with my own interests. only ~1.5 more months of being here to go!

vaca: this past weekend, matt and i went to miraval berkshires for the first time using chase points. we took a two hour train up north, and was picked up by a driver from the resort. they drove about another hour or so to arrive at lenox, MA. this is an all-inclusive experience that is similar to alila that we did last november. however, we had a much better experience here. the experience imo (coming from a stressed out place) is life-changing and healing. the weather, although very hot, was nice and relaxing. their food was healthy and nutritious. i'm going to miss their bone broth and golden milk shots.

our activities for three days included: kayaking, massage, fancy dinner, chicken keeping, hike, tennis, spa, lounge/read by the pool, and beekeeping. for each activity that was led by a miraval group leader, we had to practice "connect before content". we basically had to share our names and do an icebreaker for each. college-aged connie would have hated this, but i did appreciate hearing from other people and getting out of my comfort zone. they did a really good job at fostering a community feeling. it felt like a short summer camp for adults, and i wish we could have stayed even longer. there were so many classes we didn't get to try.

miraval also has digital free zones and encourages us to be without our devices as much as possible. the dining area is a digital free zone, so that we can connect/talk more with each other.

after this trip, i'm inspired to possibly one day chicken keep and beekeep, lol. it would be awesome to eat freshly laid eggs and honey from my own backyard. chickens may be my preferred "pet" of choice as of now. i had fun with tennis too and might pick it up in LA (if the courts are available). in the morning today, i was already dreading coming back to NYC. here i am and journaling to release some thoughts.

[scknight05]

Greetings from the world beyond!!

Okay, so maybe it isn’t that *extreme* (yet) but it kinda feels that way. Especially since I’m starting Day 5 of my 60+hour shift, and still tried from being on my feet all day for my 15.5 hour shift on Thursday. I haven’t slept in my own bed since Monday night so I’m looking forward to getting the next 10 hours over with and heading home so I can sleep in my own bed again tonight!

So.. I haven’t been active for about 17 days… Didn’t really plan on that but it’s just kinda how it happened. The last time I posted I was talking about taking time away due to mental health reasons and other factors that I said I was going to touch more on in a later post. Let’s just say that whatever I was going to talk about at that point kinda went out the window thanks to life. That morning while I was on my way to work, about a mile and a half from my store something happened to my car. More specifically, something happened with the engine. I managed to make it off the interstate and barely make it to my store, albeit extremely slowly. Spent the next 4 days literally stuck at work because I couldn’t go anywhere. I had to have my car towed home and end up driving my dad’s truck after he and my mom made the trip down (for the record, I work over 40 miles away from home so it’s not a short trip). Due to my work schedule, we haven’t had a chance to take my car to the mechanic we typically use because I’ve been having to use my dad’s truck and we don’t want to pay for another tow truck. The thought of trying to figure out WHAT is wrong with my car and how much it will cost to hopefully get it repaired has been terrifying me because having a bill like that is just something I do NOT need in my life right now when money is really tight thanks to other things that have been going on.

So on top of all that, there has been a bit of a heatwave hitting the area and it just so happens that the air conditioner in my dad’s truck does NOT work so I’m stuck having to basically drive with windows down.. and only 2 of the 5 windows in his truck work properly and thankfully one of those 2 happens to be the drivers side window. Window driving is fine.. as long as it’s not raining and I’m constantly moving. And it just so happens that there is supposed to be rain/storms today and into tonight, meaning my almost hour drive home will probably be very uncomfortable.

Now.. back to the work schedule. I am EXHAUSTED at the moment. Today is the first day that I’ve been able to do “personal” stuff while at work because it is post holiday and I’ve thankfully got the store to myself again, except for when the random customer comes in. I have no one to blame but myself for being as tired as I am because I’ve chosen to work a job that revolves around holidays so I don’t get to experience “long weekends” like most do, but for the most part its rewarding. I’m paid fairly well for a retail type job and I get a nice bonus for working the holiday. It’s just the long hours leading up to the holiday, in this case July 4th/Independence Day here in the US, get tiring PLUS me being a night owl and only getting 6ish hours of sleep if I’m lucky means I’m tired. Yeah, I know it’s not healthy but it’s just how I am.

I’m hoping to find my creative streak again really soon and try and make some progress on the multiple story ideas I have lingering in my head and finally get them out. But that may not be as possible as I had hoped since my friend reached out to me at the beginning of the week and was wanting to place a rather large resin order in preparations for the conventions he’s going to be appearing at.. so whenever I wake up tomorrow (as soon as I get settled at home tonight and head to bed, I am NOT setting an alarm and will only be waking up when my body is ready… so it may be another 10am wake up time tomorrow but oh well) and get my laundry started I guess I’ll get to work on that. HOPEFULLY after I get the resin mixed I can switch over to writing.. but I’m honestly not gonna hold my breath.

Speaking of writing, I have finally started another side blog dedicated to me documenting my writing adventures. There’s nothing there at the moment, still setting up the page and whatnot but I’ll try to get that rolled out soon.

Anyway, if you’ve made it this far in this post, thank you for sticking around and reading this. I’m hoping to be more active here again now that things with work have calmed down.

[tentacledtherapist]

Dearest Lisa,

I have missed writing to you, but I have had what feels like the longest month of my life. It truly feels like my body is decaying away sometimes, and never do I get a break.

Only now, just before dawn, do I write to you, sitting under the low hanging aurora borealis that skirts farther south than normal today, deep in the wilderness on the other side of the country, as the fog clears over the lake. My only moment of peace, after I have been running and running and running, and I slow to a stop here and think of you. And I know it is time to write.

Things have been busy! Normally after a weekend where I am very active I need nearly a week to rest (as I mentioned my body is truly falling apart!) But I haven't had a single moments rest this month so the feeling like I am running is true to form. I've had business every single weekend and other business and doctors nonsense during the week. I'm preparing for a mild surgery next week (hence all my appointments) and since I won't be able to do anything while recovering I obviously had to make up for it in the month running up to it. Hopefully all goes well? If only I truly could just be stitched together and be done with it. Probably easier to deal with it that way, hobble along with a new leg or hand or whatever immediately rather then this fabled "bed rest" that's all the rage these days~! I did get some x-rays in preparation if you'd like to see them. Not exactly a face reveal but they're fun to look at that's for sure. (Is it weird I think my spine looks pretty? It's an experience to see your own Vertebrae.)

I really hope you're doing well. How has your project been going? I cannot wait for you to post the final result. Anything particularly interesting happen while I was away? I thought of you often even amidst the chaos!

Take care,

Your Creature

adam!

oh, creech, i missed you! i was worried. i hoped you were okay but i didn’t know what you were going through and i didn’t want to add to any potential stress so i figured i would just wait until you were able to talk again. i thought about you a lot, hoping you were well. i’m glad you are (at least relatively)

i get the struggle when it feels like your body is falling apart. just last year i spent every weekend in a different doctor’s office trying to figure out why my joints were suddenly shutting down. lots of poking and prodding and x-rays and MRIs and blood tests, i felt like a pincushion. (as it turns out, my white blood cells are hyperactive, and have been attacking the healthy tissue in my joints! i also have 1/3 of a thyroid cause of that!) i’m sorry you have to go through this all now. it’s exhausting and disheartening and monetarily draining to be constantly in and out of doctors offices. i’m glad you’ll be getting some rest at least post surgery. I hope it all goes well for you, i know how stressful surgery is

i would like to see x-rays, if you’d like to share them! i don’t think it’s particularly odd to think your own spine is pretty, it is a very cool series of bones. i wish my doctors had sent me copies of my MRIs and x-rays to hang onto, but all i have are memories…

my project has unfortunately been put on hold. i have all the pieces together but i have very little time to actually work on it. i’m in the final stages of my thesis as it stands right now, so i have only a few weeks to get it to its final draft of this stage! stressful stuff. in between working on my paper, i’ve also been spending time at the encampments on my campus. mine has been mostly peaceful because the mayor of my city has been very outspoken in calling off the police that my chancellor keeps calling in, but it is scary. i’ve had a gun pointed at me in a school environment multiple times, but it doesn’t get less intimidating. regardless, i refuse to stand by while israel commits genocide “in my name” just because i’m jewish or whatever (even though that’s very clearly not their motivation nor is it any of the other things they’re spouting.)

i didn’t get lucky enough to see the aurora, unfortunately. it supposedly was visible as far south as where i live, but i wasn’t able to see it through light pollution and cloud cover. i have photos from some friends farther north, but i didn’t get to see it myself

it must have been beautiful

- Your Lisa

[perksofbeingamaineiac]

November 2, 2023

A Thursday morning in the bath, with a coffee and 10 goals written out for the month.

I guess I haven't made goals since September. Here is how that went:

Finish reading 8 Rules of Love - still reading, but making progress

Find an Activity/Class for fall/winter - pottery, volleyball - don't have time to workout so I shouldn't be taking on a extra hobby.

Introduce Braeden to extended family. Figure out how to introduce him to the girls - we are going to Medival Times this weekend

Gym at least 2 days a week - negative.

Goals for November and can even be until the end of the year

Get back into the gym. Start 2 days a week and work up to 3 and 4.

Sell more snakes. The holiday season means gifts. Make sure animals are easily accessible and priced accordingly. I need to post ads and keep up with social media.

Read more. To make this realistic I just want to finish one book by the end of the year (Physical) I am currently listening to two audiobooks as well. If I can finish one of those I will also be happy.

Track spending. I have made new charts in excel that can help me track my spending and income. I just have to stay ontop of it and I have Braeden who does it so hopefully that can keep me motivated.

Sunday Prep Days. Sundays are always important and really get me ready for the week ahead. It's something I have fallen off of and really need to get back on. Sundays or for planning the week ahead, journaling to touch base with myself, and even prep some food for the week. Prepping food is a big step, so that's something to ease into.

Eat better/portion control. With my lack of gymming, I don't feel great. I need to find a balance in food and working out.

Something I have been doing over the last few months that I want to continue and even extend is not looking at my phone for 10 minutes after I wake up and before I go to sleep. Before going to sleep will be extended and I find that if I don't look at my phone as soon as I wake up I can get to work without looking at it. Just voice to text in the car.

I really want to clean out my room before the new year. Go into the new year with less stuff and a cleaner space and mind.

See my grandparents more. This is one of my yearly goals that I haven't succeeded at. Let's turn it around in the home end. I want to play monthly dinners/lunches. I also need to book a vacation with my grandmother.

Buy Christmas gifts early. I already made a list of who I want to buy for, its just actually getting things. There is a Christmas and cottage show next weekend, so I think that will be a good place to start. Plus get inspiration.

There's a lot to accomplish, and I understand that I can't do it all, so I will be gentle with myself. Make small steps in the right direction to get where I want. I will try and update in December, but might just jump to New Year Goals after this one.

[danishmuseuminterns]

INTERN BLOG – FARMERS' MARKET, EUROVISION, AND TIVOLI FEST!

The weather is warmer (well, hot) now and I’m really enjoying it! This last month have been really busy as we are getting ready for all of the summer celebrations and events. I have been crossing a lot of things off my bucket list – The Des Moines Downtown Farmers' Market, Tivoli Fest, and a visit to the Windmill.

The Farmers' Market was as great as I’ve been told. With so many vendors and so much great food, it’s surprising that I got back with only cheese and pickles. Diya, Delaney, and I went early in the morning to avoid the crowds, and even at 7 am, people were up and exploring at the market. Later that day, we picked up the new Prairie Intern (and roomie), Jaz! I’m sure you’ll get to know her much better throughout the summer!

Another important May event was Eurovision. If you are new to the European Song Contest, your first meeting with it might be confusing. It’s a song/music competition for the European countries (and Australia), that happens annually. Typically, each country has their own competition, where the winner goes on to participate in Eurovision. Since there are so many participating countries, there are two qualifiers where some countries get to move on to the “big” competition. Both a jury and the European viewers then vote for a winner! It’s camp, it’s entertaining and such a good time! Jaz, Diya, and Delaney watched the entire 4-hour show with me, and I think we were all singing “cha cha cha” for the next few days.

Tivoli Fest was an eventful weekend! Friday started at Bedstemor’s, and a lot of nice and curious people came by to take a look at the 1908 home. Then, it was time for hotdogs! As someone who describe themselves as a hotdog connoisseur (I did work at a hotdog stand and diner for three years) Elk Horn does know how to make a good hotdog! Saturday started early, with the raising of the flags and a tour of the Windmill and then breakfast at the fire station, which of course was æbleskiver and medister. For any Danes side-eyeing this combination, it is important to remember that traditions evolve and change over time, especially when taken out of the context where it was created, and that the combination of a sweet/savory breakfast meal is typical in many different cultures. Don’t knock it ‘til you try it, it was very good! Next stop was the museum, where I helped man the front desk area. It was lovely to see so many people from near and far who came to celebrate Tivoli Fest and visit the museum. Some had visited the museum before and knew the story, while others stopped in and got to experience it all for the first time.

Amelia, Delaney, and I went down to see the parade and then we were off to see the folk dancers, who all did such a good job! We then went back to the Elk Horn Fire Station for our activity – water pong. Amelia and I had planned this activity of a family-friendly version of beer pong, the game where you throw ping-pong balls at cups of beer, and we had a bunch of people come play with us and we had so much fun! I also got to try deep fried Oreos for the first time – a typical fair-snack and it was as good as you can imagine! (So very good).

For the next four weeks I will be enjoying the museum and Elk Horn area as much as possible! It’s hard to believe that my time here is over soon, but there are still a lot of things happening before my time here is up! In the next intern blog from me, you’ll hopefully get to read about anniversary preparations, a special visitor and maybe even a Taylor Swift Dance Party!

Emmelie, Scan Design Foundation Intern (Communications)

[bebsibby]

Another weekly update! Less about healing and more about emotions this week with photos linked at the end.

Week 2

Two weeks post-op and not much has changed in terms of my healing. Visually, one would probably say everything is looking worse! My incisions are scabby, my nipple buds are black and scabbed over, and my rib area is a little bruised. The bruises are subtle, mostly in the green/yellow range, but MAN they hurt!

Luckily, my areolas are looking nice and pink, nothing is looking infected, and I'm not feeling any pain in the incisions or grafts themselves. Really the only pain is in the surrounding areas, namely the bruised area I mentioned. It's right below my incisions and feels mostly like a muscle ache. When I sit or allow the area to kinda stretch, it eases. This is all without any pain killers by the way! I last took ibuprofen about 6 days ago.

My range of motion is pretty good for the area I'm permitted to move within. Still nothing above the shoulders, but I can move my arms below the shoulder with some achy discomfort but no pain. I can draw, play games, cook, and do incision care all on my own and shower with minimal assistance. I mainly just need help getting my back and checking for missed suds in my hair.

This also marks the first day I'm permitted to drive, which I very much took advantage of. I still have my steering wheel set as low as possible and my chair more forward than normal. Aside from that minor difference, driving feels almost no different. I spent about 2 hours total driving today with no fatigue and no hindrance to my ability to drive safely or comfortably. This is awesome news for me, because god knows I needed to get out of the house.

This bring us to the main negative of the past week: emotional and mental health. The first day after my last update, I was entering panic attack territory, but thankfully never got all of the way there. At this point, my mind was still processing such a major physical change, especially since I had only just seen myself fully for the first time. I was becoming paranoid and overly critical, despite my best efforts to circumvent it since I knew it was a possible reaction. Unfortunately, even the most advanced human mind cannot overcome primal reactions to something of this caliber.

This was the most severe of my mental lows of the past week, and luckily only lasted a day. Continuing to interact with my chest via incision care, cleaning, and photography helped me get back to feeling comfortable with and happy about getting the surgery. Talking with friends also helped a lot.

A few days after this though, cabin fever was starting to get to me. I realized it when I went on one of my daily walks and just ended up feeling frustrated and anxious. I think this was due in part to the work week beginning again, so the activity on the trail and park near my house had dropped in comparison to what I had seen during the weekend. I think it made me feel unexpectedly isolated, but that was helped by gaming/chatting with a few friends over the following days.

However, it only helped for so long, as yesterday ended up being another frustrating day. I was tired and nothing I did really seemed to help. Despite napping, cooking, and trying to entertain myself, I ended up just feeling sad and even a little mad for most of the day.

Being able to drive today really helped my mind shake off whatever funk it was in. Seeing people and being in places different from the same 3 things I've been seeing every day was very refreshing and I have a feeling that the next week will be a lot better for me since I'm no longer as limited as before.

Another week from now, I have another follow-up I suspect will be the last for awhile. Hopefully I'll be updating you with even fewer restrictions next time!

And for those curious, here are more photos. Front 3/4s Side

The Top Surgery Log

Hello! I got top surgery yesterday! I want to catalogue my experience so I can remember it and provide some insight for people who want it but haven't gotten it yet. I will continue to update this post as my healing goes on. Everything under the read more!

Leading Up

My insurance is with Kaiser which has been an AWESOME experience so far. They do require a therapist letter, so no informed consent, but the process was very simple and there were a lot of people dedicated to getting me what I needed.

I had about 3 therapist meetings where she just asked me questions about my experience with gender and how my transition has gone so far, my support network, can I afford it, etc. Then she wrote my letter, sent it off to the surgical team, and I was approved within a few days!

After that I had my very first consult with the surgeon. He took pictures, did a breast exam, asked about general health and family health history, then gave me a little presentation of the process. It had post up photos of prior patients, a lot of explanations of the types of surgeries available that he does, and a lot of good information in general. He answered a lot of my questions and made me feel fully confident and prepared for the experience.

Also important to note: I told him the surgery I had been wanting ever since I started doing top surgery research was Inverted-T and I was curious of he knew of it/why that WASN'T an option they offered. He explained everything to me and showed me what he expected my results to look like if I DID want to go to a different surgeon outside of Kaiser. Said surgeon does NOT accept insurance, but would work with the insurance side of things to make sure they would reimburse for the expenses. I really appreciate that because it showed me they wanted to do get exactly what I wanted.

Based on all of that, I decided to just opt for Double Incision both to save me time and get a result that was aesthetically more pleasing to me. Loss of nipple sensation is unfortunate, but apparently IT only has the potential to bring a little sensation back, which wasn't worth all the extra hoop jumping for me.

After this consult, my surgeon told me to think about everything then email him a few days later with my decision. I did and then a few days later got my call to schedule. I got to pick my date but not the time of day, as I would later learn that's decided by the hospital and not me. Once my surgery was scheduled, another pre-op appointment was scheduled about a month before the surgery date. That appointment was very short, as it was just signing consent forms and confirming everything I wanted. He also gave me a packet of supplies I needed to get before the surgery.

After that, I'd occasionally receive emails with more pre-op instructions, like when to stop eating and drinking, showering instructions, when to stop certain medication, and how to care for my drains.

The Surgery

The day before surgery I had initially planned to do all of the last minute housework and leave for the surgery the next morning. HOWEVER, when I got my call to tell me the time, it turns I had to be there by 6 AM! The surgery center is over an hour away from me and the bus my wife and I were going to take didn't run that early, so we had to scramble to make other plans. Luckily the friend who was going to drive us back home was cool with us crashing on his floor for the night, so we were able to do the most important things at home then take the bus down the day before.

Once we were all set up for the night, I did the first cleaning routine that I was required to do, set my alarm, then tried to sleep. I didn't get much due to Hard Floor and also excited but that wasn't a biggie because I'd be sleeping again soon LOL.

Next morning I woke up, did my second skin cleansing, and we headed out! I checked in, waited a little in the waiting room, then got called back to start.

Everyone who was working with me was SUPER funny and kind. I got asked more questions, signed another form, took some pre-med tylenol, them stripped to switch into my gown, bonnet, and grippy socks (Got to keep those btw :>) My IV got put in my wrist which REALLY fucking hurt!!!!!! It never stopped aching. After that, the surgeon popped in to check on me and see if I had any questions, then they wheeled me in to the operating room.

I had gotten another premed via IV that was already making me tired, and I remember the last thing being the surgeon saying what to do with my removed tissue once he was done and I was gone!

The surgery itself lasted around four hours, but all I remember is waking up and seeing my wife and friend sitting at the foot of the bed. I said hi to them and that was apparently third time I had said it. I had been up and talking to them for awhile all loopy but also becoming suddenly very serious when talking with the nurses. I've had a few surgeries but I've NEVER been this way after so that was funny. The nurse had also been giving ME all of the postop discharge info and I don't remember it so thats unfortunate! I only remember her talking about the drains. I had to read it all again when I got home but it was all good.

Once I was awake enough, they wheel-chaired me down to my friends car, packed us all up and we headed back home. I napped about half the time but still kept my eyes closed when i was awake and talking bc my vision was still FUCKED and it was so bright out. We got home, I was lead inside, and that was that pretty much! I napped several more times, nibbled on some roast beef, emptied my drains (which made me very woozy, mostly due to the standing) and went to bed!

After Surgery

Day one! I woke up a few times in the night mainly to go to the bathroom, but slept REAL deep otherwise. It rained all night which was awesome. I woke up feeling very achy but not painful except for my throat. Those ET tubes are NOT easy on your body. Took all my meds, got out of bed eventually, and had cup ramen for breakfast. Now I'm just sitting on the couch with all my computer stuff moved from my desk to where I'm sitting. I got a long hdmi cable so I can just watch stuff on the big TV so I'm pretty set up!

My wife just brought me some cookies and overall I'm just feeling really good. Not really excited or emotional about it. Its just a very warm contented feeling.

I don't know what my chest looks like yet since my post-op binder got put on while i was still out, but everything gets removed next week! I'll probably update again after that appointment.

Feel free to ask specific questions! I'll be resting most of the time so I'll just be around!

[fa-headhoncho]

Untitled TFATWS Fic: Part 1

Bucky Barnes x Reader

Prompt/Background: After turning yourself in to the government following the events of CA:TWS, they lock you up for the crimes you committed during your time at Hydra. Spending years there until Captain America got you on parole during the blip to help fight Thanos. Now, after doing community service acts and helping the broken society, when they give the new Captain America the shield, you’re thrown back into a life you didn’t want.

Word Count: 1871 (ahaha, yea)

Reader: Female

Warning: parole officers might be triggering??? idk

Author’s Note: I’ve decided to end my 141 part Wattpad Sebastian Stan imagine book and post on Tumblr instead :’), a happy day. Also, I’M SORRY THAT I LIKE SLOW BURN SERIES OK? Schedule for this series is every Thursday. ALSO IF YOU HAVE TITLE IDEAS FOR THIS SERIES, LMK! PLEASE

Masterlist

Part 2  Part 3  Part 4

=====

The sound of your heels echoed throughout the dimly lit room as you make your way through the exhibit. The walls take you back in time, reading how Captain America came to be and all his past accomplishments. They even updated from the last time you were here, documenting the events on the Blip.

You didn’t even know where you were going, absently letting your emotions and feet lead to where it felt you needed to be.

“For a former spy, you’re not really good at sneaking up on someone.” Rhodes’ voice greets you once you open up the curtain to a different area. A small smile sneaks its way across your face seeing the two men in front of you.

“Bit out of practice.” You spit back, walking towards them. “It’s nice to see you again, Rhodie.” You open your arms out to him and he gladly takes the hug. “Hopefully life’s been treatin’ you well.”

“For the most part,” He chuckles out while pulling away from the embrace. You move on to the other man, him happily wrapping his arms around your waist as you wrap yours around his shoulders.

Sam lets out a breath into the crook of your neck before pulling back. “You doing okay?” You ask, looking at his face for any sign of emotion. He nods but there was something in his eye that told otherwise.

You open your mouth to push him for the real answer but Rhodes cuts you off, “Well, I have to get going. It was good seeing you, (Y/L/N), hopefully, we work together soon. Remember what I said, Sam.” With that, he leaves the room to leave you and Sam alone.

The room fills with silence as the two of you turn to the iconic suit and shield in front of you. You try to watch Sam from the corner of your eye but he just stands with his back straight and his eyes forward.

“You know, I’m sure Steve would understand.” You decide to say, clasping your hands in front of you. “I didn’t become as close as you did, but from my time with him during the Blip, he tried his best to help everyone. He had a lot of responsibilities and issues of his own along with having a whole country looking up to him... 

“It was a lot… he opened to me about it one night before… you know.” You admit which makes him finally look at you. “He told me what he was going to do and all I could do is support him… I asked him what he was going to do with the mantle and he said give it to you.” Turning your head, you make eye contact with him. “I asked him if he was sure.”

He lets out a snort at that, shaking his head at you. “Really gotta do me like that?” He wipes his hand across his face then stuffs his hand in his pockets as he turns to face you. “I thought we were having a nice bonding moment and then you had to drop me like that?”

You can’t help the giggle that escapes your lips at his whining. “I’m being serious, Sam, stop.” You hit him on the shoulder. “He said there was no doubt in his mind that you do what needed to be done with the shield. He trusted you and your judgment, Falcon.” You emphasize his hero name which he just rolls his eyes at you.

“Yea, I’m sure he did.” He smiles and then changes the subject, “How’s parole treatin’ ya, still got the collar on?” He gestures to your ankle causing you to lift your dress pant leg, flashing the electric bracelet around your ankle. He lets out a hearty chuckle at it. “Still can’t believe that they have you on a leash.”

“Price you gotta pay for freedom.” You shrug and drop the cloth. There’s a beat of silence between the two of you, both of you taking a glance back at the exhibit and the shield.

“Have you talked with Bucky recently?”

“No, I was going to ask you.” Your heart sinks at the realization. “We’ve been texting a bit but I haven’t seen him since I spent the weekend with him a couple of weeks ago.” You shyly admit and look down at your feet.

“Weekend, huh?”

“Shut it, Sam.” You knock your foot against his. “We didn’t do anything, he doesn’t like me like that. Plus, he wouldn’t even let me spend the night. I had to go to a hotel, he sleeps on the floor, Sam! I’m worried about him.” It took weeks for you to convince him to let you come over and you finally knew why when you step into his apartment. It made your heart sink, it looked like if a Hydra cell got a remodel. “He has two chairs and a tv.”

“Living modestly I see.” He snorts out, covering up whatever he was actually thinking. It’s now your turn to roll your eyes at him, frustrated that he isn’t willing to talk about this. “Hey, he’s still figuring stuff out, okay? He just got all his memories back and he’s still working on living with his past. You should know better than I do to give him time.” His tone is soft as he lightly scolds you. You hang your head at his words, knowing he’s right.

It took some time for you to come to terms with your past when you turned yourself in after Hydra and SHIELD fell. You took accountability for your actions during your years at Hydra and spent a few years in jail before Steve took action to help you get on parole. That didn’t mean you weren’t fully recovered.

“When are you joining me on the field, anyway?” Sam changes the topic noticing how you went silent and your eyes looked past him. “I could use you on some of my recon missions.” 

A large smile forms on your face at the mention of your parole. “A couple more check-ins and I’m good, I think.” You excitedly inform, “They actually want to talk to me about something, and then it’s the last three months. Saving the world made my good behavior skyrocket.”

“I’m sure it did.” He smiles, “Well, let me know what happens. I’m heading down to Louisiana soon and my sisters want to meet you. She heard about your work with the soup kitchens in New York and she wanted some insight.”

“Really? Give her my number, you know I’d be happy to talk with her. I’ve been thinking about trying to get my officer to convince the big guys to expand my tracking radar so I reach out more.” You start to ramble about the ideas you’ve been having for more community service actions. During the blip, Steve got you into volunteer work and it sparked something inside of you. He said it might give you a new purpose and he couldn’t have been more right.

The two of you spend the rest of the day together, catching up on everything that’s been going on. You didn’t realize how much you missed his snarky comments and banter until he smothered you in it, “making up for lost time”, he said. He continues the bullying by texting back and forth for the next few days.

It was nice to have a friend after everything that happened over the last few years. Steve and Nat were gone so the friendships you built up during the blip were just a memory now. Yea, Bucky and you were friends but it was a bit more complicated than that.

It’s a few weeks after that and they’ve already named some prick the new Captain America. You were frustrated at Sam but you realized that he couldn’t have known that this was going to happen. Especially since when you reached out to him and he was more furious than you were. Bucky was a whole other story. When the press conference aired, he immediately called you and went off about Sam. You couldn’t offer answers so you just told him to talk to him about it. This didn’t involve you.

Now, you were sat at some random government office in DC. You were beyond nervous, leg bouncing and fingers tapping. Kevin, your sweet parole officer, had called you in for an emergency meeting. He didn’t mention anything about the content of it but he assured you not to worry. It didn’t help, though, your mind was scrambling trying to think of anything you could’ve done to break your parole or anywhere you could’ve gone that went outside your tracking radar.

“(Y/L/N)?” The familiar voice echoes through the lobby makes your head snap up. Kevin, your knight in a cashmere sweater, stands there with his hands in his pants pockets. He nods his head, gesturing for you to follow him.

He leads you down a long hallway, stopping at the end of it and holding the door open for you. You send him a grateful smile before entering the office. It was very different from his usual office. The tall windows lined the wall from floor to ceiling, making the already large room feel even more spacious. It was a bit unsettling compared to his close-knit office space located in an old house on the outskirts of DC.

Kevin moves you two to the large conference table on the other side of the room, having you sit before he does. He takes the chair at the head of the table, sighing as he opens the folder and takes a few papers out.

“Sign these.” He slides them over to you but you furrow your eyebrows in response.

“What’s going on?”

“You’re being released.” He announces, leaning back in his chair with a tight-lipped smile on his face. Your jaw drops and your heart picks up but you can’t help but question it. You quickly compose yourself and look down at the papers.

“Isn’t it a bit too early?” You ask while briefly scanning the papers. “I still have two months left, not that I’m not grateful but where is this coming from?” This was happening too suddenly, Kevin was good with warning you about the activities that go on behind the scenes of your parole and he didn’t even mention the thought of an early release.

The brunette man lets out a sigh, running his hair through his long hair. He then leans his elbows on the table with his head propped up on his palms, he opens his mouth to answer but is cut off by the office door opening.

The new Captain America and his sidekick come waltzing in, a few of his goons following as well. He didn’t need the uniform or shield for you to recognize him since his face has been plastered on every channel since they came forward with him. He’s all everyone could talk about.

“He released you.” You barely hear Kevin as your mind goes into spirals. What the hell did this guy want? Why is he even here? What the hell did he want with you?