#I will not pretend that I’ve known the extent of the situation up until now

[nc-vb]

if it’s gotten to the fucking point that the Ministry of Education has to announce that “the school year is cancelled” for part of Gaza because all its students have been murdered, humanity has failed, failed at everything— flat out, point blank, and unequivocally failed.

[onyxiana-is-obsessed]

Love Us Not Him | Shoto Todoroki x Reader x Momo Yaoyorozu

Warnings: TodoMomo x Reader, angst, long Pronouns used; She/her Length: 8.2k

Summary: You find out Todoroki and Momo are dating and do your best to avoid them. But they just won't leave you alone... and how can you say no to the people you're in love with.

Full Name: (y/f/n) Quirk: (y/q) Age: 17 Hero Name: (h/n)

Shoto Todoroki and Momo Yaoyorozu seemed like they were made for each other. Both were respectful, intelligent, wealthy, reserved, attractive, had powerful quirks, and shared the same personality. All of their classmates were overjoyed when they found out the two had made it official. Well... almost all.

(y/f/n) wasn't happy at all when she found out both of the people she liked were now in a relationship. However, she put on her best act and pretended to be just as happy as her classmates.

What luck, how brutal could the world get? She was already sure that Momo was into guys and that Shoto didn't like her that way, but for them to be with each other? It just seemed like some cruel punishment.

But, it made sense. (f/n) wasn't the richest, she wasn't the smartest, she wasn't the strongest, and she was nothing like Momo and Shoto's friend groups. Shoto often hung out with Midoriya, Iida, and Uraraka. Similarly, Momo spent quite a bit of time with them, along with Hagakure, Jirou, and Tsuyu. However, (f/n) spent most of her time with Bakugou and his friends. Kirishima and Kaminari's personality just melded well with hers. They were cheerful and so was she, to an extent.

So most of her time was spent away from Shoto and Momo, while they were constantly around each other. They often paired up together for projects or sparring practice, they even trained together outside of school. (f/n) would often see them and feel that twinge of jealousy but she always hid it, not like she had another choice. If they knew how she'd felt, they'd probably avoid her. They were already happy with each other, so who was she to try to wreck their relationship?

**

Shoto and Momo were in his dorm room, cuddling on his bed just talking about random things after a long day of training. Somehow, their conversation went from talking about weird quirks to (f/n). She had a rather odd quirk which was (y/q). Something they both actually liked.

"You know..." Momo said, looking up at Shoto. "She's really pretty. Maybe... it's because we can only watch from a distance, but she's always got this glow around her." Shoto nodded. They weren't insecure about their relationship, and they trusted and loved each other fully. So, if one of them found someone attractive, they'd point it out instead of hiding or lying about it.

"That's true," Shoto said, as his arms tightened around Momo. "She's always so... cheerful. We should try to talk to her more often."

"We should. If she'd like to. She's usually with Bakugou and his friends and doesn't really ever seem to hang out with our group." The ravenette answered.

"That's true. Momo?" Shoto started, letting go of her and sitting up, making his girlfriend do the same. He looked down, unsure of how to bring the topic up to her.

"What's wrong, Sho?" She asked, her voice gentle and sweet. Sure, they didn't mind pointing out who was attractive in their relationship, but that didn't mean it would be ok to tell each other they'd fallen for someone else.

"I... like her. A lot." He said, his voice wavering, uncertain and scared. Momo was silent, which prompted him to think she'd gotten upset. His mismatched eyes met hers, which were wide with shock. "Momo?"

"Y-You too?" Now it was his turn to be shocked.

"Wait, what?"

"I like her too!" Momo said, taking his hands. "I-I just didn't know how to bring it up to you." Shoto sighed, feeling a weight lift off his chest as he took Momo's hands and kissed her knuckles.

"You think... she'd want to be a part of our relationship?" He asked, softly.

"Like all of us?" Shoto nodded. "Hmm... I-I don't know. I'm not even sure if she likes us that way." The two laid back down, feeling so much more comfortable with each other now. This time talking about (f/n) for the rest of the night, until they fell asleep.

**

(f/n) walked into the common room, seeing her friends sitting on the couch, talking. She smiled, skipping over to Kaminari and held out her charger.

"Can I get a charge, Denki?" He nodded, moving aside so she could sit in between him and Kirishima.

"Weren't you in your room before this?" Kirishima asked, earning a nod from his (h/c) haired friend. "Then why didn't you just charge your phone there?"

"Because!" (f/n) giggled as Kaminari laid his head on her lap. "It's so cool that Denki can do it! Don't you think?" Both Kaminari and Kirishima laughed at her words.

"Well thanks, love!" Kaminari winked, making her fan her face.

"Oh, did you see that? Chargebolt just winked at me." Kirishima touched the back of his hand to his head and closed his eyes.

"What a lucky girl! If only I, Eijiro Kirishima, was a beautiful girl like you, (f/n)! He'd wink at me too!"

"I thought you wanted to be a manly man." (f/n) said, through her giggles.

"Well, I can be a manly woman!" Kirishima defended, crossing his arms.

"The manliest of them all." Kaminari commented as the trio got comfortable with each other.

Shoto, and Momo walked into the common room with Midoriya and Uraraka right behind them. The couple's eyes landed on (f/n), who seemed to be having a great time with Kaminari and Kirishima. They frowned a little before heading to the kitchen with their friends. They'd come downstairs to get some food and hadn't expected to run into (f/n).

A few nights ago, Momo and Shoto had admitted to each other that they were romantically attracted to their classmate, (f/n). Since then, Momo and Shoto would get flustered at the mere mention of her name. When they saw her, their hearts would speed up, their hands would get clammy, their minds would become fuzzy, not to mention the furious blushes on their cheeks.

After admitting they liked her and wanted her in their relationship, they came up with different ways they could ask her out. Or at least get to know her more, since they weren't super great friends. The only problem was, they could never find (f/n) alone. She was always around Kaminari, Kirishima, Bakugou, Sero, or Ashido.

During their little adventure to the kitchen, (f/n) had joined them, but neither Momo nor Shoto knew. So, Midoriya took his chance since he and Uraraka knew about their little crush on (f/n). Something they found out a couple of days ago when both Momo and Shoto came to them for help.

"Oh by the way," He called, earning everyone's attention. "I don't think I'll be able to train with you guys tomorrow, something came up! However, (l/n), why don't you train with them?" Momo's face erupted in red and Shoto's eyes widened a bit at their shy friend taking control of the situation. (f/n) looked conflicted and tried to reject the idea, since being around them only hurt her more.

"O-Oh, I c-can't, I'm not sure-"

"Come on, (l/n)!" Uraraka smiled. "It'll be fun and they don't train for too long. Just two hours. Plus, training is super important!" Figuring it would be rude to say no now, (f/n) quietly sighed in defeat.

"Sure, what time?"

"7? We usually train later at night," Shoto said, even though they had no plans to train for the next few days. "Is that alright with you?" (f/n) nodded.

"Yeah, sounds good." Before anyone could say anything, Kaminari ran into the kitchen.

"(f/n)! Kirishima's gonna go steal and hide Bakugou's homework. Wanna come watch?" (f/n)'s face lit up and she laughed nodding.

"Absolutely! See you two tomorrow!" She called before running away with Kaminari. As they turned a corner, Kaminari grabbed her arm and stopped her.

"Wh-what?" She asked, looking at him.

"You like them. Both of them, right?" (f/n)'s eyes widened as she tried to shake her head.

"W-we should go to K-Kiri-" Kaminari shook his head.

"I lied. Kirishima went to go find Sero and Ashido. You like Todoroki and Yaoyorozu right?" (f/n) looked away, a small frown forming on her face, before she nodded. "I'm sorry... that it didn't work out."

"H-how did you know?"

"I saw the way you looked at them." He answered. "You get flustered every time one of them talks to you, but when you see them together, you get angry. You get that glint in your eyes." (f/n) sniffled as the emotional barrier she tried to keep closed burst open. Tears slid down her cheeks, slowly at first, but soon became a waterfall.

"Y-You're s-supposed to b-be the du-dumb one." She sobbed out, making him wrap his arms around her, rubbing her back.

"It'll be ok, (f/n)." He whispered, trying to soothe his friend. Her arms wrapped around his waist, her hands clutching his shirt as she tried to stop herself.

"E-easy f-for yo-you to s-say. Ji-Jirou's single." Kaminari didn't say anything, just tightening his arms around her.

**

After about five minutes, Kaminari took (f/n) back to her dorm room, where he stayed with her, rubbing her back as she cried, until she was much calmer.

"It hurts every time I see them together," (f/n) started, taking the tissue Kaminari held out to her. "I... don't know how, since I don't know them too well, but from what we've seen since the beginning, they've always amazed me. I've always wanted to be near them and before I knew it... I wanted to be with them. You know, just before we found out they were together... I was thinking about confessing to one of them." She laughed bitterly. "I should've known... they're so far outta my league." Kaminari shook his head.

"Don't say that. You're totally outta their league! You're outta everyone's league!" He smiled, making her scoff.

"That's no-"

"Yes, it is. Ask Bakugou, even he'll tell you that's true." Now, it was just funny.

"Now you're reaching."

"Like I said, ask him." (f/n) rolled her eyes, but was ready to prove Kaminari wrong. Besides, she needed a distraction. "You owe me after he agrees with me."

"Let's make a bet then," Kaminari said. "If I'm right, you owe me a favor. If you're right, I'll owe you a favor?" (f/n) nodded.

"Deal." (f/n) took her phone out, going into her contacts and finding Bakugou's number. She sniffled and put the call on speaker, while the two waited.

"What, dumbass?" He asked in his usual grumpy tone.

"Um, hey Bakugou." He could immediately tell she'd been crying. "Kaminari says I'm out of everyone's league."

"Isn't she?" Kaminari asked.

"She's definitely outta your league, Pikachu." He answered, gruffly.

"I told you-"

"No," (f/n) interrupted, sniffling. "He said I was out of your league. So you owe me."

"Bakugou, tell her she's out of everyone's league."

"That's cheating!" (f/n) said.

"No, it's not, because Bakugou would never say it unless it was true. He doesn't listen to me anyway-" They were interrupted by knocking on the door, both looking at each other. Handing Kaminari her phone, (f/n) walked to the door and opened it up. There stood Sero, Kirishima, Ashido, and Bakugou, the blond hanging up on the call and stuffing his phone in his pocket.

"You're crying!" Ashido said, as she hugged (f/n) who hugged her back. The group moved into her room, finding a spot for themselves.

"Who did it?" Bakugou asked.

"No one made me cry," (f/n) sniffled as the tears returned. "It's just..." She looked down, sitting next to Kaminari, who rubbed her back.

"We're not gonna judge." He reassured, handing her another piece of tissue. (f/n) wiped her tears, sniffling and looking up in an attempt to stop them.

"I think I love both Todoroki and Yaoyorozu," Everyone's eyes widened before they looked down, understanding the reason she was crying. "And it hurts every time I see them together. Then Uraraka talked me into going to train with them tomorrow. I felt bad saying no so I just said yes."

"Yeah," Bakugou said, making everyone look at him. "Yeah, you're out of everyone's league." (f/n) smiled a bit as her eyes returned to her lap.

"But-"

"No buts," Bakugou interrupted. "What? Calling me a liar?" (f/n) frantically shook her head but her tears finally stopped.

"Thanks."

~**~

(f/n) frowned as she looked at the clock on her nightstand. 6:40. She had 20 minutes before she had to meet Momo and Shoto for training. She was currently sitting with the Bakusquad, dreading going.

"Why don't you just cancel? If you're getting this worked up, what's the point?" Bakugou asked.

"Well, I already said yes."

"So? Who cares about those two dumbasses." Kirishima smacked his arm.

"She does, come on, Bakugou."

"Well, kick their asses for making you cry! I'd do it but-"

"You're not allowed." (f/n) smiled, making him huff and look away. He pretended to be angry, but he couldn't. She was one of the few people he was ok being around and he was rather protective of her. He was furious at ponytail and icy hot for making his friend cry. He already hated Todoroki, but this just fueled the hatred even more.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever, princess." He rolled his eyes, taking out his phone. (f/n) found some workout clothes and went into her bathroom, getting changed into it. She came back out and sighed, looking at her friends.

"Here I go!"

"You better kick their ass, I swear to god, (l/n)!" Bakugou yelled, making (f/n) smile.

"I'll make you proud!"

"Good luck!" The others yelled as she left. She trusted them but after about five minutes, they moved to Kirishima's dorm, which was down the hall.

**

(f/n) exited the elevator and walked into the common room and sat down on the couch. She checked her phone, noting she only had ten minutes before her training session. She heard voices and looked up to see her two favorite people...

"Oh, you're early. Great!" Momo smiled to which (f/n) nodded and forced a smile on her face.

"I didn't want to be late."

"We're just heading up to Momo's dorm to get changed, we'll be back in a few minutes." Well, they were dating so, of course, his clothes were in her room. (f/n) kept her smile up and nodded.

"Sure thing!" The two walked towards the elevator and (f/n) huffed, taking out her phone as she scrolled through it while waiting. As promised, the duo returned after a few minutes, ready for training.

"Ready?" Shoto asked, making (f/n) nod as she stood up. Together, they walked to the training room, asking (f/n) some questions, which she did her best to answer without being awkward. At one point, she had gotten a text from Kirishima, so while she was texting him, she'd slowed down a bit, letting them walk ahead.

However, her eyes then looked at Momo's back, slowly trailing down her body. (f/n)'s face turned as red as Kirishima's hair and she immediately looked away, mentally cursing at herself. What the hell was she thinking?! Was this really the best time for this?! She had to restrain herself from slapping her own face as the embarrassment started to consume her.

When they were ready, they placed their belongings to the side and walked to the middle.

"We decided not to use our quirks for this one, simple hand to hand," Momo said. "Oh! You're great at it, right? Why don't you teach us some things?" (f/n) blushed at the compliment and looked down in an attempt to hide her red cheeks.

"Sure. I don't mind."

"We'll spar first." Momo stated, fixing her hair.

"Me against both of you?"

"Yeah, you're better at this than us anyway." Shoto added, to which (f/n) nodded again. Ok, this was a good way to release her anger. As long as she didn't hurt them... too much.

"Alright then. I'm ready." (f/n) declared.

**

Throughout their little session, (f/n) felt herself getting angrier. Every time she'd try to hit them, her stupid emotions got in the way, so she just stuck to defense. She could feel herself getting more and more frustrated.

Why did she have to feel this way? Why did she have to like them both? Why couldn't she like someone who wasn't taken? Why did they have to date each other? Wasn't she good enough? Fine, she wasn't as pretty as Momo. She wasn't as rich as them. She wasn't the smartest. She wasn't the strongest. But she had a good heart! She cared for them! She would never hurt them. She'd always be there to ease their burdens. She'd always love them. So why? Why didn't they want her?

Why couldn't she just be normal?!

"Momo!" Shoto yelled, making (f/n) blink. Wait... what happened? (e/c) scanned her surroundings and widened when she saw Momo laying on the ground in front of her, curling up. The (h/c) haired girl backed up a few steps.

Shoto helped Momo sit up, who groaned due to being disoriented. After a few moments, they both looked at (f/n), who seemed more confused than Momo.

"A-are you ok?" She asked, approaching her slowly and the raven-haired girl nodded.

"Th-that was good." Momo complimented as Shoto helped her stand up. (f/n) watched how concerned her boyfriend was for her... and it hurt. She wanted Shoto to look at her like that. "H-How did you do that?"

"Oh..." (f/n) stuttered, looking away as her cheeks turned red. "I-It's easy. I-I just flipped out over my hip."

"Could you show me how to do that?" Shoto asked with a light smile, almost making (f/n) melt.

"Sure."

~

"That was pretty helpful," Momo started, placing a hand on (f/n)'s shoulder. The girl tensed and looked away. "We should train again! Right, Sho?" (f/n) looked up at them and saw their hopeful smiles and felt her heart beat faster.

"O-Ok." Almost instantly, (f/n) regretted her words, knowing she'd have to go through that again. "I'm sorry again, I-" Momo shook her head, taking (f/n)'s hands in her own. Why was she so touchy-feely? But they were so warm and soft, all (f/n) wanted to do was hold them. She'd always wonder what their hands felt like. But now that she had gotten the chance to find out, it hurt.

"That was great! I learned so much! A couple of bruises never hurt! Besides, I always have Sho to ease any of my aching muscles." (f/n) nodded.

"Right, good for you."

"(l/n), are you alright?" Shoto asked, noting her discomfort.

"Yeah. Wh-why would you ask that?" (f/n) answered, her hands still being held captive by Momo.

"You've seemed... uncomfortable all throughout our training session. Are we making you upset?"

Yes.

"No, not at all. I'm just... dealing with stuff."

"Are you sure? If we're bothering you, we can stop." Shoto suggested, making (f/n) shake her head.

Stop hurting me.

"No, please. I've just been a bit distracted is all."

"About what?" Momo asked, still not letting go of (f/n)'s hands. What if she told them a bit about her troubles? Maybe they'd drop the subject? (f/n) slowly pulled her hands away from Momo, unable to handle it anymore. Her beautiful (e/c) eyes looked away.

"I... like someone. And they don't like me back. It just hurts to deal with it, you know." Both Momo and Shoto looked at each other, before frowning.

"H-How are you sure this p-person doesn't like you back?" Momo stuttered, trying to mask her disappointment. Ok, so she didn't really think this through. In her class, the only couples were Momo and Shoto, then Uraraka and Midoriya. So, she couldn't say that.

"He likes someone else." (f/n) answered, fidgeting with her fingers. Shoto didn't want to push her too far, but he needed to know.

"Who is he?" In a panic... (f/n) just blurted out a name.

"Kaminari." Regret hit her like a barreling truck, she could feel her the weight of her embarrassment starting to crush her and the tears were almost instantaneous. She blinked repeatedly, looking everywhere but at the two people she was so desperately yearning for.

"I-I'm sorry. P-Please don't cry." Momo whispered, making (f/n) shake her head as she backed up a bit.

"It's fine, really. Why would someone like him even like me? I-I'm not that special." Why would Shoto like her? "B-Besides, he and J-Jirou are practically made for each other." He and Momo were made for each other. "They fit like puzzle pieces." Shoto and Momo did fit like puzzle pieces. "I'm not supposed to feel like this." Momo and Shoto were in love. Who was she to try and mess with that?

"(l/n)." Shoto softly called out, wiping her tears. Momo rubbed her back while Shoto repeatedly wiped the tears that escaped her beautiful (e/c) eyes. They hated that Kaminari would be the reason for her crying like this, shaking and unable to breathe. If only they knew Kaminari had nothing to do with it.

Almost as if she'd been ripped back into reality, she pushed them away and backed up.

"I-I gotta go, see you guys later." Without letting them speak, she practically ran away, leaving them heartbroken.

"I guess... she doesn't like us." Momo whimpered, hugging Shoto's arm.

**

(f/n) shut her door and locked it, covering her mouth as the tears poured out of her eyes. That was the most embarrassing thing she'd ever dealt with! Why couldn't she have just walked away?! Why was she so fucking stupid?! They were both so cool and collected and she'd become some embarrassing ball of anxiety and there was no saving her now. How could she screw up like that?! That shit took some real skill.

(f/n) walked to her bed, stuffing her face into a pillow and letting out a loud scream. The embarrassment was enough to kill her.

Meanwhile, Momo collapsed on Shoto's bed covering her face as the tears welled up in her eyes. Shoto sat next to her and pulled her into his lap, letting her cling to him. It was hard to keep his emotions down, but he gave it his all. (f/n) had practically rejected them and it hurt. It hurt to know that she was in love with someone else.

"I wish..." Shoto started. "I wish she didn't like Kaminari. I hated seeing her cry." Momo nodded. "We wouldn't... make her cry like that."

"We'd love her, cherish her, keep her smiling at all times," Momo said, sniffling. "She looked so broken... so broken, Sho." His arms tightened around her as he tried to keep his composure.

"She did."

**

It had been about two hours since the incident and (f/n) still hadn't stopped crying. So she called her best friend. It didn't take long before he was knocking at her door.

Opening the door, (f/n) moved aside and let Kaminari walk in. He was immediately worried.

"I messed up." (f/n) cried as she sat on her bed. "I messed up so bad because I was too scared to leave earlier."

"What happened?" Kaminari grabbed a piece of tissue, holding it out to (f/n), who took it from him. His hands rubbed her back in an attempt to soothe her crying.

"I kept getting distracted during training. God, they looked so good when they fought. But I knew they liked each other so I kept getting frustrated. After training, they asked what was wrong and I ended up telling them I was distracted because I liked someone and he didn't like me back." Looking up at the wall, she scoffed. "They asked who, I panicked and said you." Kaminari frowned.

"I'm so sorry." He whispered as she turned and clung to him.

"I made it so much worse! I made it worse..." He didn't say anything and just hugged her tightly. "Wh-what do I do?"

"I don't know."

Kaminari stayed with (f/n), rubbing her arm or running his fingers through her hair until she fell asleep. He racked his mind for some sort of plan to help her fix this, but there wasn't much he could think of. Sure, it was bad that (f/n) lied about who she really liked, but at the end of the day, did it matter? Shoto and Momo were together and just because they thought (f/n) liked Kaminari didn't mean they would break up. Why would they? They were happy together and sure, they probably felt bad that he didn't return her feelings, but... what would change? There was no point in trying to prove (f/n) didn't like him.

Both Momo and Shoto were in a similar situation, dealing with a heartbreak that didn't make much sense. Sure, they admitted to liking (f/n), but... why did they feel like their hearts had been torn out and stomped on? They had a crush on her, right? Crushes don't hurt this bad. This almost felt like... love.

"You don't think..." Momo sniffled, her obsidian eyes meeting Shoto's mismatched ones.

"I-I... no," Shoto said. "It can't be. We barely know her."

"Then why does it hurt so much?" Momo whispered, stuffing her face into Shoto's chest.

"I don't know." They were silent and all that could be heard was their quiet sniffles. They laid there for what felt like hours, but in reality had only been twenty minutes, until Shoto broke the silence. "What if... we make her forget?"

"What do you mean?" Momo asked, looking up at him. Shoto's eyes were still trained on the ceiling above him as the gears in his head turned.

"What if we make her forget about him and fall for us instead? Would that... be so wrong?"

"I don't think so... our intentions are to love her, so no." That seemed to mark a silent plan of theirs. The plan to make (f/n) fall for them and help her forget Kaminari.

**

(f/n)'s eyes moved back and forth from the board and her notebook as she silently took notes while Midnight droned on and on about Modern Arts. (f/n) would've been able to pay attention, if it wasn't for the stupid mistake she'd made two days ago. She had a tendency to hold onto all the embarrassing moments in her life, they'd plague her at the worst of times. Such as now. Her dumbass just had to go out and blurt that she liked Kaminari, even though she didn't. What would they think now?

For some odd reason, it dawned on her in class, just now. What did it matter? Shoto and Momo were a happy couple that everyone rooted for. So what if they thought she liked Kaminari? Not like it would bother them. She wished she liked Kaminari or literally anyone else. Anyone that was single and not taken like Momo or Shoto. Hell, even that Monoma kid from class 1B would've been a better option.

Great. Now she was getting desperate.

**

"Hey, (l/n)?" (f/n) looked up at the mention of her name and clutched her pen tightly.

"Ye-yes, Todoroki?"

"I was wondering if you could help me out with something after school today. Will you be free?" No. Deny. Say no. (f/n)! Say no!

"Sure, what do you need help with?"

"You'll see. Thank you. I'll meet you in the common room?" (f/n) could only nod as he left, making her slam her head on the desk. That look in his eyes, that soft, gentle, look in his gorgeous hetero chromatic eyes. How could she say no?

"I hate myself." She muttered as she started packing up her stuff. Now, she had to mentally prepare herself for whatever reason he needed her help. Bakugou was right every time he called her a dumbass. She was truly an idiot.

**

(f/n) changed out of her school uniform, slipping into something more casual. Fixing her hair and reapplying her body spray, she grabbed her (bag/purse) and stuffed her phone in it as she made her way to the elevator.

This was a bad idea and she was more than positive she was going to regret it. Yet, here she was, helping her crush out with whatever the hell it was he needed. Although it hurt to be around it, it was also somewhat easing. Just being near either Momo or Shoto eased her heart but made it ache at the same time. It was an odd mix and, most of the time, didn't make sense. But it didn't matter. That little bit of ease always helped.

(f/n) walked into the common room, looking around. It was completely empty, so she found a seat on the couch and took her phone out. It had only been a few minutes before she heard footsteps. Her bright (e/c) eyes looked up and widened. Shoto waved at her, he'd just changed into some casual clothing and boy... he looked so good.

"Ready?" He asked, making her nod as she stood up. "Come on." The two left the dorm building, walking down the road as he led her to their destination.

"Wh-where are we going?" She inquired, quietly.

"You'll see. It's... a bit of a surprise."

"But you said you needed my help."

"I do, don't worry, (l/n)." (f/n) only nodded as she quietly followed him. They made small talk, asking each other about classes and whatnot. A pretty weak conversation, nothing special.

The two arrived at a small cafe, one (f/n) didn't recognize. She followed Shoto inside and to a seat, sitting down across from him.

"So... what did you need help with?" (f/n) asked, desperately needing to know what was going on. Shoto never just invited her out like this, in fact, they barely spent time together. She didn't even have his number and she had almost everyone's number in class. Well, to be fair, she actively went out of her way to NOT get his or Momo's number. She didn't need them asking her for favors, just like this, because she wouldn't be able to say no and would feel even more heartbroken. Just like now.

"Do you recognize this place?" Shoto asked, making the (h/c) haired girl shake her head. "That's because it just opened up, about three weeks ago. I've wanted to come here since I heard about its opening, but I've been too busy. It's a quaint little place isn't it?"

"Yeah, it's actually really cute. I'm surprised I didn't hear about it at all. It's not that far away from the school, either." (f/n) smiled, her eyes scanning her surroundings. The cafe was adorable, it was bathed with different decorations all relating to coffee and sweets such as cakes and whatnot. The seats, booths, and tables all matched their desserts they offered. Almost as if it was dessert-themed.

"That's what drew me in. I saw the flyer a couple of months ago and made it a goal to come here at some point." (f/n)'s eyes finally met his, a sense of ease washing over her. "I'm sure you're wondering why I asked for you to come with me." The girl nodded, almost jumping out of her seat due to the anticipation. "I need you to help me find the perfect dessert and drink."

"For... Yaoyorozu?" There went that bit of ease she felt. However, to her surprise, Shoto shook his head.

"No. For us. We're here right now, aren't we?"

"Well yeah, but... why?"

"Why not?" Well, she didn't have an argument for that so she shrugged, agreeing to help him. (f/n) moved to sit next to him as they looked over the menu together. At first, she could feel her heart beating out of her chest at how close they were, but after a few moments, they were so engrossed in the topic of cakes, she'd forgotten all about it.

"What about the red velvet cake with the vanilla frosting?" Shoto asked, pointing to the picture of a slice of red velvet cake.

"Well yeah, but that's such a simple choice. However, if I may," (f/n) turned the page and pointed. "Direct you to this beauty over here. This adorable little shortcake. The strawberries look absolutely enticing, do they not?"

"Hmm, you pose a compelling argument. But, what about," Shoto pointed to another cake, on the same page. "This delicious Battenberg cake? I think the vanilla and strawberry checkered design looks adorable."

"There's also the classic chocolate cake with extra fudge." (f/n) pointed out.

"Now looks who's talking simple." He teased, which made her giggle and shake her head. He turned the page, partially admiring her beauty until his eyes landed on another choice. "What about this avocado cake?" (f/n) scrunched up her nose, almost sending Shoto to heaven with such an adorable face.

"That doesn't even sound good."

"Well, let's not judge now. It... could be... great." Shoto muttered, which made (f/n) laugh.

"That's not convincing. Not even a little bit. Nice try, A for effort."

"Why thank you." He smiled and the two paused, gazing into each other's eyes. Were... his eyes always so beautiful? One was a dark grey, the other a bright turquoise blue. They... almost shimmered in the rays of the sun that were invading the small cafe, lighting it up. (f/n) blinked, slowly tearing her gaze away from his and looking back down at the menu, not bothering to move. As far as he knew, she liked Kaminari. What did it matter?

But it did matter. As Shoto gazed into her glimmering (e/c) eyes, he could feel himself get pulled into her. The world slowly started to melt away and all he could see was her. Her (h/l) (h/c) framed her face perfectly, her lashes accentuated her gorgeous (e/c) eyes, those soft and alluring (pink/red) lips. He'd never been this close to her before, and he had to admit, it was almost surreal. His heart was beating wildly in his chest, the same way it did for Momo. Almost as if, there was no difference between his feelings for Momo and his feelings for (f/n). Momo was right. He was in love. But (f/n) wasn't.

He blinked back into reality when she looked away, a sad smile on her face as she pointed at another picture on the menu.

"What about this? The Esterhazy Torte?" Shoto- albeit reluctantly- looked down at the menu, where (f/n) was pointing.

"Looks delicious."

"Ah, who are we kidding," (f/n) giggled. "They all look amazing. Well, except that avocado one."

"I still have hope for it." Shoto declared, however, both of them knew that was a complete lie.

"This is a battle you will lose, Shoto." Almost immediately, both of them froze and (f/n) opened her mouth to speak, but no words came out for a second. "I-I meant... to use your hero name. But... your first name is your hero name. I didn't th-think that through." Her cheeks turned red and Shoto almost melted at the sight.

"It's alright, you can call me Shoto if you want. I don't mind." That wasn't a good idea, that would be passing a boundary (f/n) didn't want to. That meant they were getting closer and there's no way in hell would (f/n) get close to him or Momo. That was just... stupid. She needed to come up with an excuse.

"Maybe." (f/n) said, with a smirk making Shoto raise a brow.

"Maybe?"

"You heard me. It's a special privilege to have me use your first name. Let's see if you can earn it." He smiled at the challenge.

"Oh, I'll give it my all, (h/n)."

~**~

"Hey, (l/n)." (f/n) almost jumped when a hand landed on her shoulder, making her turn around abruptly only to see Momo standing behind her.

"Yes?"

"I was wondering. Could you help me with my hand to hand? I've got a couple of hours before Sho gets back and you helped me so much last time!" Of course, she had that same hopeful look in her eyes that Shoto did, making it impossible to say no. God, they pretty much had her wrapped around their fingers.

"Y-yeah, sure." (f/n) answered, quietly, looking down.

"Great! Should we go to your dorm so you can get changed?" (f/n) only nodded as the two walked toward the elevator in silence.

Now, this wasn't the first time she'd been approached by Momo. She'd already asked (f/n) to study with her about three times now, asked her to go shopping with her a few times, and asked for help with training a couple of times. Shoto had asked her to go to that cafe multiple times, he'd also asked for help with training and studying, as well as "running into her" at the mall a few times. It was odd that they suddenly wanted to be around her and as much as it hurt, (f/n) accepted it. It was the only time she got to spend with the two and it was always alone. Alone meaning it was either Shoto or Momo, not them together, so it hurt less.

(f/n) grabbed her work out outfit and walked into her bathroom, quickly getting changed into it. Once she was ready, she stepped out and gave Momo a small smile.

"Ready." Both girls walked to their usual training area, ready for a little bit of sparring. (f/n) still had the same problem, she found herself unable to hurt them so she usually just deflected their attacks. On rare occasions, she'd be able to attack, but not too much. She'd usually just drop them to the ground until they surrendered, marking the end of the sparring session.

"Thanks for helping me by the way," Momo started as they got to the training area. "I've always admired your combat abilities and I'm so glad I finally had the courage to ask." (f/n)'s face turned red at her words.

"A-admired?" Momo nodded. "That's not... n-no way."

"I have! You're so beautiful and strong, your quirk is amazing and you don't rely on it! You're such a great fighter and I know you'll become a hero in no time! You'll easily become one of the top, if not number 1." (f/n) looked away, covering her cheeks.

"Thanks." She whispered. Beautiful? Momo thought she was beautiful? Shutting her eyes tightly, she took a few deep breaths trying to calm her heart. When she opened her eyes, she let out a shriek. Momo's face was inches away from hers. "Wh-what a-are you do-doing?!"

"You're so pretty, (l/n)." Momo grabbed her hands and pulled the flustered girl towards her, making (f/n)'s entire body rigid. One of Momo's hands landed on (f/n)'s waist, while the other held her wrist. "What's wrong?" She asked innocently. (f/n) opened her mouth to speak but no words came out. Her cheeks were bright red, her eyes were as wide as dinner plates, and her body was frozen as if Shoto had used his ice. She watched in pure fear as Momo's face got closer and closer to hers. She felt Momo let go of her wrist, her hand sliding up her arm, shoulder, and all the way up to her face. Momo gently tilted (f/n)'s face upwards a bit, her thumb caressing her cheek.

They were going to kiss. (f/n) knew it. Her heart was about to explode and panic surged through her. She wanted to kiss Momo, she really did. But that was wrong! Momo wasn't with her, Momo... wasn't hers. She was dating Shoto and this wasn't ok. This was wrong, it was considered cheating. (f/n) wouldn't want Shoto or Momo to cheat on her, so how could she allow this?

In a blind panic, (f/n) ripped her wrist out of Momo's grip, grabbed her wrist, then spun, to flip the ravenette over her hip. Momo grunted as she felt her body get slammed on the ground. After a few seconds, she sat up and saw (f/n) standing at least twenty feet away from her.

"I-I'm sorry!" She yelled. "B-But we should start training. That's all we're doing here." Momo nodded, standing up with a groan, but ready to fight regardless.

**

Momo laid on her stomach on her bed, while Shoto massaged her aching muscles. Every training session with (f/n) was grueling and always left her with bruises.

"Her skin is soft." Momo said, breaking the comfortable silence.

"Whose?"

"(f/n)'s. Her... her skin is soft. Her eyes look like (another way to describe your eye color [e.g. pools of honey/ glimmering rubies]). She smells like (a scent you like)." Shoto was silent, his hands still massaging Momo's back.

"She's... even more amazing than I thought. I remember when all I could do was watch her from a distance, wondering what she was like. I always thought... she'd be more like Bakugou, they get along so well."

"She's pretty quiet, but she has her moments." Momo smiled, her mind returning to the beautiful girl. "Her blush... it's so cute."

"I wish she was here right now. I just want..." Shoto trailed off, but his girlfriend knew exactly what he was thinking.

"You want to hold her too, right? Just have her laying in between us."

"Exactly." Shoto smiled sadly, as he warmed up his hand to continue massaging his girlfriend's back.

**

Momo and Shoto had been pinning for (f/n) for about three months now. They didn't hang out all the time, (f/n) was still very reserved, but at this point, Momo and Shoto were positive they were madly in love with her.

It was to the point where it would hurt to see her around Kaminari, who she was so comfortable with. For example, they'd often find (f/n) with her head on his lap or vice versa, they would always be together, they'd always be laughing or something. Aside from that, Kaminari and (f/n) were also on a first-name basis, as opposed to them. They'd told her she could use their first names, but she always denied them, in some way, shape, or form.

It was frustrating. If she liked Kaminari but he liked someone else, why was she always around him? It was clear from the first time they asked her it hurt her so much. So, why would she do that to herself?

Well, Shoto and Momo were determined to find out but separately. One thing they'd noted was that (f/n) was much more comfortable with them if they were alone with her without the other.

So, Shoto was currently waiting on (f/n) to basically ambush her. She'd been quite busy for a few days and he hadn't gotten a chance to talk to her, and the times she wasn't busy she was around Kaminari and Sero.

(f/n) left the elevator on the way to her dorm when she felt someone grab her arm. She turned her head and came face to face with a familiar dual haired male.

"Y-Yes, Todoroki?" She asked, turning to him, trying to pull her arm out of his grasp. Instead, he tightened his grip.

"Why are you always around Kaminari?" He asked and pushed her until she hit the wall. (f/n) was good at hand to hand, but in moments like these, she'd freeze up and forget what to do. So all she did was follow his lead until he'd trapped her against the wall.

"W-what? H-he's my f-friend." Panic set in as he got closer and closer to her, with her unable to escape. Her cheeks flushed a deep red as her eyes met his. She felt the same thing she did when they first went out to that cafe. His mismatched eyes were so beautiful and the longer she stared, the more the world around them disappeared.

Shoto felt the same, as he gazed into her enticing (e/c) eyes. He couldn't help it, and his body moved without his permission. Slowly, his face got closer and closer, with (f/n) closing her eyes and tilting her head up towards him.

Their lips finally met, slowly moving against each other. He could tell that she had no experience, but Shoto didn't mind, he'd teach her. He was gentle, letting his hands slid down from the wall to circle around her waist. She shakily placed her on his arms as the world dissolved away completely. She melted against him, letting him press her against the wall as his lips took hers.

After a few moments, the two pulled away, having forgotten what they were doing and where they were. Shoto leaned in again and (f/n) tilted her head upward for him, their lips moving against each other.

"Shoto?" Both (f/n) and Shoto pulled away from each other abruptly at the voice. They saw Momo standing in the distance, staring at them. (f/n)'s eyes widened, and her body went rigid.

"Oh, hello Momo." Shoto greeted, rather calmly. Momo approached them, no hostility in her movements. At this point, (f/n) was extremely defensive, not feeling safe with either of them.

"What the hell is going on?" (f/n) asked, backing away from the couple.

"We can explain," Momo said, making (f/n) stare at her. "D-do you love Kaminari?"

"What does it matter?" (f/n) asked, unsure of what to do.

"Because," Shoto started. "We're... in love with you."

"What?" She'd gone from defensive to confused within seconds. This couldn't be her reality. It must've been another dream, just a small hallucination to torment her the next day. She was gonna wake up in a little bit and she'd still be in the same situation.

"We know you like Kaminari, maybe you're in love with him. But... we're in love with you. We... want you," Momo started, determination and uncertainty in her eyes. "We wouldn't make you cry like he did, we wouldn't make you look so broken, so hurt, and alone. We'd treat your right. We'd give you all the love and support you'd ever need or want. We'd hold you tightly at night so you wouldn't feel alone, we'd be there to take care of you and love you." (f/n)'s eyes widened, it almost felt surreal. Her heart was beating a mile a minute, the butterflies in her stomach were going crazy, and her mind was in shambles.

"W-wait." (f/n)'s hands went up to her head, her fingers sliding through her hair as she took her words in. They loved her? They were with each other. "Th-this isn't happening." She mumbled, looking everywhere except at the couple.

"We know it's a bit to take in," Shoto said. "But it's true. We'll wait for you, (f/n). We'll wait for you, until you're able to let go of Kaminari." (f/n) shook her head, finally finding the right words to say.

"I don't like Kaminari," Their eyes widened at her words. "I never did. I panicked that day and accidentally told you I liked him..."

"So... you don't love Kaminari?" Momo asked, making (f/n) shake her head.

"I don't."

"Th-then who? You were so upset that day." Shoto stated, making the girl look away, her (e/c) staring at the wall beside them.

"... you two."

"What?" Momo called out, moving closer to (f/n), who stayed still.

"Kaminari never made me cry. It... was always you two. The day you announced that you were officially a couple, I was thinking about confessing to one of you. It broke my heart and you've been breaking my heart ever since."

"We want you," Shoto declared. "We want you to be part of our relationship. We'll make up for all that pain you've gone through because of us. We'll make up for all of it and make you happier than ever... if you'll still have us."

"All 3 of us... that's so... uncommon."

"So what?" Momo smiled weakly. "We love us."

"I've never been in a relationship before, least of all with two other people."

"This is our first relationship too," Shoto said. "We'll learn together. Figure this out as we go."

"What do you say, (f/n)?" Momo asked. (f/n) was silent for a moment, thinking over all of the information provided. They felt the same about her... this was a dream come true. Why would she say no?

"Ok." She answered, making them both smile and breathe in relief. Shoto and Momo approached her, wrapping their arms around her, giving her a warm hug. For once, (f/n) felt happy with both of them with her. She melted against their touch, feeling both of them kiss her cheeks.

"I love you, (f/n)." They said in unison.

"I love you both, too." She answered, quietly before they led her towards her dorm room and went inside. The trio laid down with (f/n) in the middle. Both Momo and Shoto held the girl tightly, almost scared that they'd lose her if they let go. They were finally able to hold her, as they'd wished and hoped for all this time. That feeling of relief and happiness flooded Momo and Shoto and the two could've almost cried.

[wield-the-mighty-pen]

Analyzing Marinette’s hairstyles

So, I’ve actually seen a bunch of different posts and takes of what Marinette’s hairstyles represent and symbolize especially in regard to the episode “Heart Hunter”, but I wanted to go through all the different styles of hair instead of solely focusing on the pigtails/hair down of that particular episode.

With that being said, in no particular order, here we go:

The Bun

This hairstyle is almost exclusively seen in the episode “Animaestro”. However if you’re paying close attention, you will see Marinette wearing this hairstyle, in the old class picture, featured in “Reflekta”. I find the fact that the show made this connection between these two (scenes? examples?) incredibly interesting and very telling. Putting the class picture aside for a moment, one must analyze Marinette’s behavior in the episode “Animaestro”. To be sure, it isn’t great. For the most part, Marinette acts foolishly and immaturely and her actions in this episode, indirectly lead to the akumatization. Marinette, in her jealous state, goes so far as to join up with Chloe (a person she despises), and attempt childish pranks on Kagami. In short, I think that the bun hairstyle symbolizes a sort of immaturity for Marinette. The fact that she wore this hairstyle when she was younger only goes to prove my point. Marinette is not a perfect character, but her actions in “Animaestro” are arguably some of her worst, and naturally when she has hit a low in her maturity level, she reverts back to a hairstyle of her youth.

The Braid

The braid can be easily shoved aside as not holding any symbolism, as just a way the design team chose to incorporate the tail in her costume. However, there were a number of ways the tail could have been incorporated into the Ladynoir costume, and as such the braid must be analyzed. Now, a braid can be considered an almost restricting thing, it carefully tucks back locks of hair and traps them better than an ordinary ponytail can. However, the Ladynoir braid almost has a ‘fun’ twist to it (pun not intended but appreciated). It is long (like really long), and we even see her flick it playfully over her shoulder. I think that the braid is supposed to represent that dualism between responsibility and fun that the job of superhero can have. I have heard a lot of people criticize “Reflekdoll” for its lack of parallels. In other words, Chat Noir learns something and better appreciates Ladybug, but the reverse isn’t true, and I would say that in many ways this is true, Ladybug is not privy to the lesson that Chat Noir is. However, I would argue that she did learn something. Ladybug learned that it’s okay for her to have fun and to joke around. Towards the beginning of the episode we see Ladybug chastising Chat Noir for his joking around, however by the end we see Ladybug embrace this approach and even make some jokes herself. The braid shows Marinette acceptance of balance, of the combination of enjoyment and responsibility within her life.

The Space Buns

This design as well can be attributed to the design team finding a way to show mouse ears, but I’m still going to try to analyze this. I have two different ways to possibly explain this hairstyle. The first being to draw parallels to the bun hairstyle as this is essentially the same thing but two instead of one. The correspondence between the two hairstyles could be seen through Marinette’s feigned naivety in front of Chat Noir. She “accidentally” reveals herself as Marinette and pretends to be less informed than she really is. The other way to translate this hairstyle is as a security blanket so to speak. I haven’t gotten into the metaphorical interpretation of Marinette’s pigtails yet, but I will briefly explain a part of it now (and go into depth a little later). The pigtails serve as a sense of security for Marinette, as a source of status quo. The space buns are that, but elevated. In the episode this hairstyle is featured, “Kwamibuster” (I don’t think I mentioned this before), Marinette is desperate to keep her identity a secret from Chat Noir and develops a convoluted plan (including Multi-mouse) to accomplish this. She wants the security of her identity and wants to use her comfort style at this moment. However, Marinette is trying to distance herself from Ladybug and as such she uses a slight variation of her pigtails in her alternate hero form.

The Ponytail

I’m gonna be honest and say that I can’t fully analyze this hairstyle as we have not yet seen the episode where this hairstyle makes its second appearance. So I’m just focusing here on the ponytail from “Optigami”. I might make another analysis on the ponytail after “Sentibubbler” comes out but it might make more sense to wait until after the whole season comes out, in case there are new examples of ponytails (or other hairstyles for that matter). I don’t want to say anything about Pegabug’s ponytail, because as I’m sure you know, Miraculous trailers can be very misleading. Anyways, after that ramble, I now focus on Ladybee’s ponytail. To be frank “Optigami” was a bit of a doozy. I watched that episode with a sense of dread that did not lighten by the end of the episode. This isn’t a bad thing, but it was intense for a typical episode of Miraculous, a show where my usual reaction is a mix of “oh this is cute” and cringe (to be fair I cringe easily). But what I like so much about season 4 is that we get more than that (I won’t go into this now because I’m straying from the topic too much). Ladybee comes at a time of great stress for Marinette, she gets stuck in an elevator with someone and is thus unable to transform (let alone the fact that that “someone” is Adrien), she is without the help of Chat Noir and most of the other heroes, and (unbeknownst to her for a majority of the episode) her friend has been replaced with a sentimonster. Yet, despite all of this, Marinette remains cool, calm, and collected. She, unlike Alya, does not fall apart and despair when Senti-Nino is revealed, she knows she has to get the job done. A ponytail gives an image of “getting the job done” of focus. Although the situation is dire and dangerous, Marinette displays her competence in crisis and the ponytail magnifies that trait. I have a feeling that the same will be true for Pegabug, but only time (and the episode coming out) will tell.

Hair Down

In the two episodes that we have seen Marinette wearing her hair down, they were both in connection with Adrien and her relationship with her. I want to separate the two examples because though they both wind up achieving similar goals in regard to their symbolism, they do it in different ways. Focusing first on “Chat Blanc” Marinette wears her hair down in part to distinguish to the audience the difference between the two timelines. Though the surface level explanation of her hair would be sufficient explanation, this choice of hairstyle also has a deeper interpretation. This being as a metaphor for Marinette’s vulnerability. She is allowing her feelings to be known to Adrien, she is allowing herself to be open and honest about her emotions and with that freedom she lets her hair free as well. It is also significant that she is free from her secret identity (albeit unknowingly) and as she allows Adrien to see the full spectrum of her personality, she frees her hair from its restraint. In “Heart Hunter” too, this hairstyle signifies vulnerability and freedom. In this episode we see Marinette having fun with Adrien and Kagami, without the worry of how she is being perceived by Adrien, without the stress about her feelings for him. It is of great significance that when she lets her guard down, when she “lets her hair down” (both literally and metaphorically), Adrien comments on her beauty. We already know, as viewers, that Adrien has fallen in love with Marinette’s personality as Ladybug. But as Marinette, Adrien has not been privy to her full personality. He has only been given glimpses, as in this episode, to the full extent of her persona. Marinette is seen later on in the episode to revert back to her old hairstyle once she is no longer comfortable, when she feels inadequate compared to Kagami. She puts back on her guise when she feels she needs the security. Which leads us to that source of security.

Pigtails

I feel a bit bad as I have simplified this hairstyle in earlier paragraphs to a symbol for security. While this definition is a correct one, this hairstyle has more than one explanation. As Marinette’s primary hairstyle, in both her every day and hero outfits, we see this hairstyle A LOT. Because of this, there is an array of interpretation as to what this hairstyle could mean. Starting with the aforementioned, this hairstyle works as a form of security for Marinette. The style required her to hold her hair back, to keep it in check, away from possible disasters and viewers (wind can tangle hair very easily). The pigtails are the antithesis of letting her hair down, a common symbol for freedom and relaxation. The pigtails therefore show that she is on her guard and is protecting herself. The pigtails also represent her quality of being a do-er. She likes to do things, she is an active person, she doesn’t stand aside or wait for things to happen, she works to make them happen. As a do-er she needs focus, she needs a restraint for her hair that could get in her line of sight, and the pigtails do that well. As Ladybug, the same is true. She is focused and determined to accomplish her goals, to succeed in her battles and she needs to tie her hair back to best accomplish this. There is importance in the fact that she chooses to focus herself with pigtails rather than the equally practical ponytail. This can be attributed to the child-like quality that pigtails have. Marinette, simply put, is still a child. Though as a whole she is particularly mature for her age, at times she can show a bit of immaturity. It is interesting to note that as the seasons progress, the more we see her with other hairstyles. As she matures she wears the pigtails less. The pigtails are also a girly hairstyle and show how Marinette is a girly-girl in a plain and easy way. Additionally, the pigtails give her the approachable, girl-next-door look. In simply looking at Marinette one gets the image of her sweetness and good nature. In visual media, it is important to make a connection between personality and visage. In cartoons especially, a character’s design should fit with how they interact with their world, and the pigtails are an immediate signifier as to Marinette’s character. This about sums up my analysis of her pigtails. I know that there are more ways to interpret them, and feel free to comment if you think of any other interpretations!

[acciofanfics]

Be Quiet (Harry Potter x Reader) SMUT

Request: Can you write a story where the reader (Slytherin) and Harry fall in love with each other and have their first time (smut pls!) and at the same time Sirius and the reader find out that’s she’s his daughter? Xo

Pairing: Harry Potter x FemReader

Warnings: Smut, very slight mentions of death, unprotected sex

Word Count: 2389

A/N: I forgot to specify the reader’s house! 😭 Also I didn’t do a whole lot of set up, let’s pretend their slightly older in Order of The Phoenix and this is set in when they’re staying in Sirius’ place? -S

———————————————————————

(Y/N) rapped quietly on the door, she supposed knocking on the door at all kind of defeated the purpose of trying to be quiet, so she abandoned her efforts and attempted to open the wooden door with minimal squeaking. “Harry? Are you up?”

Harry was quick to appear and open the door for her to come into the room. Honestly, he felt kind of bad, because it had been his intention to come to her. She had just beat him to it, but he supposed that wasn’t too surprising; she had always seemed to be more sure of herself than Harry had. “Yeah, come in. I was just about to go look for you.”

She didn’t need to be told twice. Harry was probably her best friend...or maybe Hermione, but that would only because she couldn’t share EVERYTHING with Harry (despite her desire to do so). She plopped on the bed and let out a sigh, a dramatic, but justified one. “This is a lot, right?”

“It’s a bit much sure… not entirely bad though?” Harry knew immediately what she’d been referring to. A bombshell for sure. One thing they had been able to bond over was the fact that she grew up without her parents, Harry was thankful that she had a much more loving and tolerant aunt and uncle though. She never knew who her father was, and her mother had died around the age of 3. She knew who her father was now though… the notorious Sirius Black.

(Y/N) knew that she had been kept in the dark for her own good. Most people still thought the man was a murderer and she knew her aunt and uncle just didn’t want her to grow up knowing that they shared the DNA. “I mean I guess not… Sirius is cool and all.” It definitely sucked that his name hadn’t been cleared to anyone not in the Order, but while not seemingly knowing a lot about what he was doing he seemed eager to try as much as he would be able to.

“I feel like I’ve been lied to my entire life and I get why they did it, but I wish I would’ve known.” (Y/N) sat up and laid her head on Harry’s shoulder. He’d sat down beside her after she’d laid back. “I suppose nothing really changes that much though.”

He could definitely relate to some extent. Harry constantly felt like he was playing catch-up, and he was always a step behind everyone in knowing about himself and his life. “Right.”

A silence fell over the pair. Harry wasn’t sure what (Y/N) was feeling, but he felt content. She always had a way of making him feel that way. Hermione kept pushing him to say something, and as much as he wanted to he always found a reason not to do so. Now for example would be incredibly inappropriate, she was already so overwhelmed it just wouldn’t be fair to add the weight of his feelings for her onto her shoulders.

“Can I ask you something completely off topic?”

“Anything.”

“Do you like me?” (Y/N) felt bad for blurting out the question. Now probably wasn’t the time and that probably wasn’t the best way to go about it, but at that moment it seemed like the most appropriate option.

Poor Harry was happy he didn’t have a mouth full or butter beer or pumpkin juice because there was no doubt that he would’ve probably spit it all over the bedding and the floor. He used to say that they were close enough that she could never surprise him, but that clearly was a lie. He often wondered if she was a Legilimen, because she seemed to have some sort of innate ability to read his mind. She also knew when he was lying to playing dumb probably wouldn’t be too much help in this situation, “Uh...yeah. Hermione says it's bloody obvious.”

(Y/N) chuckled and smiled, even though he wouldn’t be able to see it, “She says the same to me if it makes you feel any better.”

“You fancy me?” Harry always had a small suspicion, he didn’t think that Hermione would be constantly trying to get him to confess his feelings if she thought it would end badly, but still he had his doubts.

“You might be the chosen one, but you can be pretty thick sometimes…” She sighed and lifted her head from his shoulder. When he turned to see what was wrong she just planted a soft kiss on his lips. He immediately melted into it, he didn’t need to be told twice to kiss her back. He’d been thinking about doing it so long that it just seemed second nature.

Their foreheads stayed pressed together even when the urge to break away to breathe came. Her eyes were still closed, but Harry kept his open (he just needed to make sure this wasn’t a dream). “Would it be too soon to say that I’m in love with you?”

“I don’t think I’d use the word soon at all.” (Y/N) teased with a soft laugh.

Harry pulled the girl back in for another kiss, the second was even better than the first (which he hadn’t previously thought to be possible). She tasted like mint toothpaste, which probably now his favorite flavor as his tongue swept across hers. (Y/N) wrapped her arms around him, an act partially meant to pull him closer and partially meant to keep a grip on him so that when she laid down he’d come tumbling down with her.

Her back hit the mattress with a soft thud, and she found herself mildly impressed with Harry’s ability to gracefully follow her. His body resting between her legs and his hands on either side of her head. She wrapped her legs around his waist and pulled herself further into him, earning a small groan. Her lips curled into a smile against his skin, and she set herself on a mission to elicit a similar reaction, but not before whispering to him, “You have to be quiet, apparently my dad is in the other room.”

Harry rolled his eyes at her, but soon found himself forgetting what she’d said. Instead he was more focused on the feathery light kisses being trailed down from his cheek to his neck. He took a deep breath when she began to kiss his neck, her ministrations on the skin a new and very enjoyable experience. He didn’t even notice her hands sneaking under his shirt. He shivered slightly from her cold hands, but relaxed into her touch when she ran her palms across his chest and torso. “Whatever you’re doing for Quidditch is clearly working.” She hummed into his ear.

Harry chuckled and leaned up, pulling his shirt over his head and then helping her out of hers. He was kind of shocked by how not nervous he was. There was just something about her, he doubted there was anything in the world she could do to make him think less of her and he just had a hunch she felt the same (or least that’s the way she made him feel). There was little light in the bedroom, but he could still see her (barely, but he could). He hadn’t even thought about the fact they were in her pajamas and she probably wouldn’t be wearing a bra… she definitely wasn’t and he felt his voice catch in the back of his throat.

“This is the part where you tell me how good I look.” (Y/N) whispered playfully to him. She worried that perhaps she might’ve been ruining the moment with so much talking, but she also knew that Harry was aware she liked to make jokes to ease her own nerves. He was often the only one not taken aback by the sometimes poorly time sentiments.

“You’re bloody gorgeous.” His voice held no trace of jest and he didn’t even give her a chance to respond before he went back in for another kiss. The kiss was chaste, because honestly he wanted to give her a taste of her own medicine. When his lips met the skin of her neck (Y/N) found herself having to bite the inside of her cheek to keep her voice down. However, whenever he dipped lower and found her chest the action was futile. A sharp gasp tore through her throat at the new sensation and when to shower her breasts in kisses she no longer found holding back a moan a possible option.

The sound was like music to Harry’s ears and he began to crave hearing more like it was a song stuck in his head. He switched between her right and left nipple, carefully trying to pay the same amount of attention to each one, and he only found himself willing to stop whenever she rolled her hips upward and brushed herself against the erection he was now painfully aware of. To be honest, he wasn’t quite sure what was exactly expected of him. He definitely wasn’t entirely stupid on the subject, he knew WHAT happened, but maybe he was skipping an important step in the foreplay that he wasn’t aware of. He didn’t have much time to think too much about it, because (Y/N) wiggled out from under him. He would’ve been worried that he’d done something wrong, but when she began to shed the rest of his clothes those thoughts abandoned his mind. Really the only thoughts left in his head was her… and how she looked. Completely bare. In front of him. Merlin, he wasn’t sure there was ever a sight more beautiful and he doubted he’d ever be able to think of anything else.

“Care to join me?” (Y/N) hoped she wasn’t being too forward. This really was probably too soon… they’d just had their first kiss not even an hour ago and now she was lying on his bed completely naked. She’d been imagining this for far more than a few hours though. It was definitely not a fleeting thought… well it wasn’t to her. She hoped Harry felt the same.

“Oh! Yeah!” It occurred to him how lame it must’ve been that he was just sitting there looking at her and he quickly shed his left over layers too. Now they were both naked, and still just staring.

“This is okay with you right?” She drew closer to him again, careful not to touch him until she was sure that he also wanted this.

“Yes.” He thought she was bloody insane to even ask him that, but he wouldn’t say that to her (at least not right then).

That was all she wanted to hear, (Y/N) kissed him again, but this time it was different. It was full of anticipation and desire and their lips just moved together instinctively, because they were both too focused on the feeling of their bodies being pressed together.

This time (Y/N) didn’t have to pull Harry on top of her, this time he carefully laid her down and hovered over her. The tip of his cock brushed against her core and he was worried that he’d lose it right then and there. She whimpered and raised her hips to meet him. Their eyes locked and there wasn’t a need for words to ask permission or any questions. They both knew this was exactly what they wanted. Harry reached between them and drug the tip of his cock across her folds, his eyes closed when he slowly began to press himself into her.

Immediate pleasure washed over Harry and to put it bluntly it was far better than any late night with his hand. (Y/N) felt it too, not quite as intensely as she was still adjusting to the foreign feeling of being so completely stretched by him. The thought alone made her shift her hips. He was trying not to give into the desire to just completely ruin her, the thought had crossed his mind more than once if he was being honest and now that he was presented with the actual opportunity he was doing his best to be a gentleman.

“Harry,” He had always enjoyed hearing her say his name, and this was no exception. It was at least 10 times better when it came out more of a moan than an actual word, “Move already.”

He grunted a bit at the order, but obliged nonetheless. He pulled out slowly and then resheathed himself in her again. Each time a little faster and every little whimper or moan that came from her lips egged him on ever more. It didn’t take long for the somewhat uncomfortable feeling to completely disappear and soon her weak noises became a little louder. Harry would’ve been happy to have her screaming his name, the noise echoing through the hallways, but she was right. Her father was in the other room, as well as other people who would not approve of their display of affection.

“We have.. To be.. Quiet… remember?” His sentence was broken up by the thrusting of his hips, unable to find enough concern to completely stop his movements. Knowing he was right (Y/N) roughly kissed him. She wasn’t entirely sure that it would keep the noises at bay, but it was the only thing that she could say would have the potential to work at the moment. She was getting close, she could feel something like a spring in her body being twisted tighter and tighter with every thrust and then POP. A wave of relief and pleasure erupted through her body and a moan that sounded more like a strangled sob was let out. As cliche as it sounded, it completely undid Harry and he held her close, his face buried into her shoulder as he found the same pleasure she did and his hips stilled.

“Harry?”

“Yeah?”

“That was my first time.”

“Mine too.” He answered honestly.

“We’re pretty good at this.” She let out a quiet laugh as Harry pulled himself out of her and collapsed on the bed. She laid down beside him, her head resting on his chest.

“Honestly… I think we could go for a bit more practice.”

[heauxplesslydevoted]

Fire & Desire (Ethan x MC)

Warning: NSFW, 18+

Summary: After the funeral, Naomi heads to Ethan’s apartment for comfort. Let’s pretend that 30 diamond scene in chapter 12 didn’t happen, okay? I made up 95% of this.

A/N: Guys, I have an embarrassing amount of rewrites/drafts of this on my computer. Pls enjoy.

~v~

In order to survive the past few days, Naomi has made it her mission to get through things one step at a time. Her first goal was to survive the toxin. She did. Then it was to just get well and be discharged from the hospital. The last step was to make it through Danny and Bobby’s joint memorial service in one piece. Not only did she do that, but she delivered a eulogy flawlessly, while her friends and colleagues all fell apart at the seams and waited for her to do the same.

But now that it’s all over, now that there’s no goal to work towards especially since Naveen won’t let her back in the hospital without clearance from a therapist, Naomi has never felt more lost or out of sorts in her life.

After the memorial, Naomi went home with her roommates and she regrets it. Jackie and Elijah can barely look at her without giving her pity glances, Sienna has been trying to feed her nonstop, and Aurora has convinced them all that she’s spiraling due to her meltdown at Ethan earlier that day. So she hid in her bedroom, pretending to be asleep simply because she was tired of them.

But sleep evades her. Outside of a quick 15 minute power nap, Naomi hasn’t been able to sleep, thoughts of being back in that hospital room never too far from her mind. Every time she closed her eyes, the fear took over, gripping her and refusing to let go.

So that’s how she ended up here, in Ethan’s apartment, on his couch, nursing a glass of scotch. Being at home wasn’t an option and there’s no one else she’d rather be with, so as soon as her roommates went to bed, Naomi slipped out and made her way across town to Ethan’s place. Ethan was shocked when he found her outside of his apartment at midnight, especially with the way their last conversation ended. He wanted to scold her for taking an Uber so late at night by herself, but of course he didn’t turn her away. 

“Are you hungry?” Ethan asks, opening and closing his refrigerator a few times, as if that will make food magically appear. “I didn’t cook today, but I can probably throw something together.”

Naomi doesn’t know if her appetite still hasn’t returned or if it’s her mind playing tricks on her, as she can still taste the vomit in her mouth at the mere mention of food. “No, I’m fine for now.”

“You sure?”

“Positive.”

“Okay.” Ethan wants to ask questions because she’s obviously come here for a reason, but he doesn’t want to push her. “It’s late and you must be exhausted though.” He walks back to his living room and holds out a hand, which Naomi grabs. He ushers her to his bedroom. “You can sleep in here.”

His room still looks like she remembers. The king sized bed takes up most of the space, and he still has the most amazing view in all of Boston. The night is still young and bustling, the buildings all lit up.

“You’re sleeping in here too, right?” Naomi asks.

“I was going to take the guest room, or the couch.”

Naomi shakes her head. “Nonsense, you’re sleeping with me.”

Even though there’s no light other than moonlight spilling into the room, Naomi can still see his cheeks tinge pink. “I didn’t want to assume.”

“I think after our night together in the hospital, assuming will be safe. It’s cute, but we’re grown and you won’t offend my virtue.”

“Noted.” Naomi watches him as he moves around the room, a sort of anxious energy radiating off of him. He rummages through a drawer until he finds something suitable for her to put on. “Here you go.”

It’s a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt from a charity 5k because of course Ethan is the type to participate in something like that. Naomi rids herself of the jeans and sweater she haphazardly threw on in her rush to leave her apartment and slips on the t-shirt, forgoing the pants. Their obvious size differences make the shirt look comically large on her like a nightgown.

“Fair warning, I don’t have a scrunchie or anything to wrap my hair in, so I apologize if you wake up to like...a lion’s mane of hair in your face.”

“I think I’ll survive.”

Naomi pulls back the covers and slides into the bed, moaning upon contact. Oh, to be rich and have fancy high thread-count sheets and a memory foam mattress. “God, I never want to leave this bed.”

“Keep making noises like that, and I won’t let you.” He doesn’t climb bed behind her, opting to sit on the edge. “You want to talk?”

“About what?”

“The fact that you’re here right now, instead of your own apartment.”

“Is it not enough to say I wanted to see you?”

Ethan scoffs. Naomi is charming, but she can’t bullshit him. “Sure.”

She doesn’t want to talk about herself. That’s all she’s done for the past 48 hours, and she’s tired of it. It’s selfish.

She manages to turn the tables on Ethan. “You look tired. I’m sorry if I woke you.”

“You didn’t,” Ethan assures her. “I wasn’t sleeping anyway.”

“I didn’t have you pegged as an insomniac.”

“We’re doctors, so it goes without saying that we’re all insomniacs.” Ethan sighs. “But to be honest, I haven’t had a good night’s sleep all week.”

“I get it. With the toxin, and Bobby and Danny, and Raf–”

“It’s not them, Naomi, it’s you,” Ethan argues. “I spend all 24 hours of the day with you on my brain, worrying about you.”

“You don’t have to.”

“I thought you were going to die in my arms,” Ethan continues. “I tried to stay optimistic for you, but all I could think about was the fact that it could’ve been my last night with you. That night, after you finally fell asleep, I stayed up, analyzing your vitals. The only time I wasn’t looking at you is when I was looking at your chart. And every night since, I lay awake, forcing myself to not contact you.”

Naomi frowns. She’s spent so much time wrapped up in her own head, she didn’t take much time to think about how Ethan was affected as well. She’s sure she’d be a wreck if the situation was reversed, if he was the one fighting an unknown deadly agent. 

She crawls out the sheets and joins Ethan at the edge of the bed. “I’m sorry, I didn’t even think–”

“Don’t you dare apologize to me. You’ve been going through enough, I shouldn’t even be burdening you.”

“It’s fine. We shared deathbed confessions, I think I can handle whatever else you throw my way.”

Ethan turns to lock eyes with Naomi, her expression open and earnest. “I meant everything I said in there. I regret putting us on hold, and I’m sorry I wasted so much time.”

Naomi sucks in a deep breath. “Okay. So what are you saying?”

“I’m saying that I’m done pretending that I don’t have feelings for you. I’m done trying to hold you at arm’s length. I want you, Naomi.”

“Are you feeling like this because I almost died?”

“No. I mean, sure it was a major wake-up call for me, but I’ve felt this way for a long time. The last time you were here, the night of the softball game, I kissed you, and instead of making my intentions known then and there, I put it off, and that almost cost me everything. I don’t have all the answers, because I’m your boss, and people at hospitals like to gossip, but whatever this is, I want to explore it with you.” 

Naomi doesn’t say anything, her brain and heart trying to process all of this information. Ethan watches her, his heart pounding wildly. Did he seriously miscalculate her feelings for him? Did he pick the most inopportune moment to drop this on her?

“It took you long enough,” Naomi says.

He laughs, his relief evident and he grabs her hand. “Well I appreciate you having the patience of a saint, Rookie.”

“It’s because I am a saint.”

He runs his thumb along the inside of her wrist, tracing a pattern into the warm skin. The steady thump of her pulse is enough to soothe the anxiety that lingers. She’s here. She’s with him. She’s alive.

His other hand grips the back of her neck, forcing her to look him in the eye. Ethan’s gaze sweeps across her face, his 11 years as a doctor having given him a keen eye for detail. There’s her long, dark eyelashes, her full lips, her pronounced cheekbones, her button nose that crinkles whenever she’s smiling and laughing, a sight he hopes to see again soon. He doesn’t know what emotion is more overwhelming: the relief that she’s alive, or the fear that she was that close to dying.

Ethan is all too aware of the fact that he could’ve lost her. That he and Naomi would never share a quiet moment like this ever again. That she’d never know the full extent of his feelings for her, because he’d been too much of a coward to be honest a long time ago. The thought of the hypothetical makes his insides twist uncomfortably. He can’t dwell on it, not while she’s here, looking to him for comfort.

Without thinking further, his lips slowly collide with hers, pulling the younger woman into a kiss. She wastes no time, kissing him back with an unrivaled fervor that borders on desperation, but Ethan isn’t one to complain. He deepens the kiss, his tongue sweeping her mouth until he finds her own.

The kiss sparks something inside of Naomi, a buzz building in the pit of her stomach, so potent and all consuming, it nearly startled her. For the first time in what feels like forever, the rest of the world fades away. It’s just her and Ethan, and this magical little flame between them. So she clings to it, to him, to them, and swings one of her legs over, straddling him. One arm wraps around the back of his neck, one hand tangles in the hair at the nape of his neck as she pulls herself closer. He tastes smoky like the scotch they drank earlier, and she swears the kiss alone is enough to leave her intoxicated.

Desperate for any sort of friction, Naomi rolls her hips into his. She can feel him hardening beneath her, his erection straining through the thin layers of fabric preventing them from being completely bare with each other. Unable to help himself, Ethan breaks the kiss only to let out a low, “Fuck.”

He needs to stop this. Logically, Ethan knows that putting a kibosh in this is the right thing to do. Naomi came to him because she needs a support system, and the last thing he wants to do is take advantage of her trust and manipulate her grief.

“Naomi, stop,” Ethan gently commands, hands gripping her hips in order to keep her still.

“What? What’s wrong?”

“We don’t have to do this tonight,” Ethan says. “Let’s just go to bed.”

“But I don’t want to go to bed.”

“But you should.”

“No. I want this, I want you.”

Her lips are on his jaw, kissing and biting, and it’s becoming harder for him to stay focused. “You’ve had a very long day, it’s been emotionally draining, and I’m sure you’re exhausted–”

“Oh my God, stop!” Naomi exclaims. “I don’t need another person explaining to me what I’m going through or what I’m feeling. Trust me, no one is more aware of my shitty life than I am.” She leans forward resting her forehead against his. “I get it, I’m the one who barely survived an assassination attempt, and I’m going to walk around with that for the rest of my life. For tonight, can I just be a normal girl who wants to fuck her boyfriend, or whatever the hell you are to me? Please?”

Despite the circumstances, his cock twitches almost painfully as soon as the word “boyfriend” leaves her mouth. He’s a grown ass man, he hasn’t used the term since high school, and here he is, ready to dissolve into a puddle of goo. What the hell has Naomi Valentine done to him and who is this mess of a man that she’s replaced him with?

Whatever she’s trying to do won’t work. Pushing aside her grief and trying to avoid the problem with sex isn’t a coping mechanism he’d ever recommend (not that he has any brilliant ones of his own, but still). It’s not going to fix anything in the long run. 

Naomi’s lips brush against his before giving him another teasing kiss before pulling away. “Please,” she whines. “I want you, Ethan.” Ethan has always considered himself to be a staunch man who isn’t easily swayed. Until he met Naomi. How can he be when she’s looking at him with those big doe eyes of hers, weakening his otherwise tough resolve? It may not help her tomorrow, but who is he to deny her reprieve at least right now? Saying no to her has never been a strength Ethan claimed to possess.

Not giving any sort of warning, Ethan grips the oversized shirt she’s wearing and forcefully pulls it up, barely giving her enough time to lift her arms and help with the process. Once the piece of clothing is discarded somewhere on his bedroom floor, Ethan flips their positions, Naomi’s back landing on his mattress with a soft thud.

He sucks in a sharp breath. Ethan considers himself to be a well traveled, well cultured man. He’s seen the Eiffel Tower multiple times, visited the Christ the Redeemer statue in Rio de Janeiro, driven a Ferrari through the streets of Rome, drank wine while overlooking a Napa vineyard, and more. But none of those even comes close to the sight of Naomi naked in his bed, writhing on top of his sheets, her curly hair splayed out like a crown atop her head. She’s absolutely beautiful, and he’s a goner. He’s always known it, but this moment right here, right now actually seals the deal.

“Why don’t you take a picture?” Naomi asks, jolting Ethan out of his thoughts. He feels her dainty foot running along the soft cotton of his pajama pants before traveling higher, lightly brushing his side.

He catches her foot, his strong hand wrapping around her ankle, and yanks her forward. “I don’t need to take a picture because the real thing is just fine.” Maintaining eye contact, Ethan presses a line of kisses from her ankle to the inside of her knee, smirking as he feels the goosebumps pop up along the trail he’s set. “God, it really doesn’t take much to get you going, huh?”

“Not when it involves you, no,” Naomi replies.

Ethan drops her leg unceremoniously. His hands wander until they’re hooked into the waistband of her lacy underwear, and he pulls them down quickly, deciding not to make a production of it. A hum of approval leaves his throat when he finds her already soaked for him. He runs a finger along her spreading the wetness around before pressing the single digit into her. “I like that answer.”

Her toes curl at the contact and Naomi grips the sheets beneath her. “Oh, fuck.”

“Christ, you’re tight.”

“It’s been a while,” Naomi admits, panting heavily. “The guy I was into ran off to another continent, and put us on ice.”

Ethan can tell by her tone that she’s merely teasing, but his heart still hammers wildly nonetheless. He wasted so much time, and for what? He slides another finger into her, enjoying the moan she gives him in return. “It appears I have some atoning to do, hmm?”

Naomi nods. “A lot of atoning.”

“Very well.” 

She feels him remove his fingers, and nothing makes her head spin more. Lifting herself up by her elbows, Naomi glares down at Ethan. “What are you doing? You can’t just stop!”

“Relax.” Ethan forces Naomi back to her originally flat position. “I think you know better than anyone that I’m going to take good care of you.” She chooses not to respond, because they both know the answer to that is a resounding yes.

He spreads her thighs and Naomi shivers at the gleam in his eyes, positively engraved by the way he looks at her: all lust and hunger. Desperate for Ethan to actually do something, she tilts her hips up, hoping he’ll get the hint.

Ethan chuckles and places an open mouthed kiss on the inside of her thigh. She swears she can feel herself buzzing with anticipation, her insides on fire, and all she wants him to do is just touch her.

When he finally does, she’s shocked she doesn’t combust then and there. Her head tips back and a low groan tumbles from her lips, and her thighs clamp shut so tightly around Ethan’s head, she’d be apologetic if she wasn’t so far gone. Ethan doesn’t skip a beat though, his fingers digging into her thighs and spreading them apart, and then he’s back to his original mission.

Ethan’s tongue glides through her folds with ease, stroking her up and down a few times before closing his mouth around her clit and sucking hard. Her hips fly off the bed and she grinds into him with a reckless abandon she hasn’t felt in a really long time, but Ethan splays a strong hand across her stomach to hold her down, trapping her between him and his bed.

Trying to gain a modicum of power back, Naomi grips a handful of his hair and tugs at it roughly. It’s an action that makes Ethan growl, his mouth vibrating against her.

Her little moans and cries do nothing to help the raging ego Naomi claims he has, instead they only fuel him further. He ups the ante, his two fingers sliding back into her, curling in a come hither motion and pressing repeatedly against the spot that makes her see stars.

He can tell by the vice grip she has on his fingers and the way she’s undulating against him that she’s close. And while he’s content to draw this out for as long as humanly possible, until he’s wrung every little ounce of pleasure from her that he can, Ethan is well aware that the woman occupying his bed doesn’t have that type of patience.

Giving her a bit of reprieve, he takes his mouth off of her, only moving it slightly so he can kiss the soft flesh of her inner thigh.

“God, Ethan.”

“Say my name again, Rookie,” Ethan commands. “I promise I’ll make it worth your while.”

Naomi obeys without as much as a second thought. It doesn’t take much to get her to say his name again, the word coming out as a shout in between a broken cry. Ethan smirks, satisfied with his work, and his tongue finds her clit, stroking the tiny bundle a few more times until her orgasm zips through her with the intensity of a lightning strike. Her entire body tenses up as Ethan continues to lap at her, as she rides out the aftershocks.

When she’s finally in control of her senses again, the first thing Naomi notices is how absolutely wrecked Ethan looks, eyes red and glossy, mouth and beard soaked, and she wants to do nothing more than kiss him. So she does, grabbing the back of his head and pulling him back on top of her. She can taste herself on his mouth and it makes her moan.

Impatient, Naomi reaches between their bodies and tugs at the waistband of his pants. Ethan receives the message loud and clear, and he breaks the kiss to strip as quickly as he can. She watches as Ethan flings his shirt across the room and kicks off his pajama bottoms. He isn’t the only one with above average observation skills, and she notices the slight tremble in his hands, the anticipation as intense for him as it is for her. She’d be lying if she said reducing this great and powerful man to nothing more than a shaky mess isn’t a turn on. Once his boxers are gone, Naomi looks him up and down, every part of him still as she remembered.

Her eyes zero in on his erection, painfully hard. She wraps her hand around him, stroking firmly. “My my, doctor, if I didn’t know any better, I’d say you like me.”

The other four letter L-word rattles around in his brain, begging to be set free, and with more strength than he thought he had, Ethan manages to keep quiet. He’d never forgive himself for such selfishness if he blurted out he loves her in the middle of sex. Naomi has enough to deal with already without that added layer of complexity.

Ethan’s thoughts are interrupted, a sharp hiss passing through his teeth as he feels her tongue languidly glide across the swollen head of his erection before taking him fully in her mouth.

He doesn’t know what will kill him first: how good it feels, or the fact that she’s staring up at him with those fucking Disney princess eyes again, feigning innocence like she’s unaware of exactly what she does to him.

He allows her to get in one more stroke of her tongue before he grabs a fistful of her hair and pulls her away. One of her eyebrows raises in question. “What’s wrong? I was just getting started.”

He drags them back into bed before answering, “I need to be inside you. You can do whatever you want to me afterwards.”

She grins at the promise of a next time. Whatever she wants? “Don’t threaten me with a good time, Ramsey.”

“It’s not a threat, it’s a promise,” Ethan assures her. 

Naomi feels him, poised at her entrance and she arches backwards, too overly sensitive. Ethan’s hands are back on her hips, holding her in place, and inch by inch, he fills her. They both groan at the sensation, familiar territory but something new entirely. Her hands fly to his back, nails digging into the skin as she’s stretched to maximum capacity, uncaring if she leaves marks.

Ethan is unsure of how long they’ve been like this, but he’s nearly shaking with the restraint it’s taking him to not thrust into her. He drops his head, kissing a line across her collarbone. “Fuck, baby, I need you to let me know when I can move.”

The pet name wasn’t intentional, spilling from Ethan’s lips before he could stop it, but Naomi whimpers regardless. She hooks her legs behind his back, keeping him just as trapped as she is. “Please.”

He moves slowly, partially to give her a chance to adjust to his size, the other reason because he doesn’t want it to be over as quickly as it started. This, being inside of her again, is overwhelming and Ethan can’t believe there was ever a time he thought he could go without.

“You’re incredible,” Ethan compliments.

“Okay, say it again when I’m not in your bed. Like during a team meeting where you’re shooting down my ideas.”

“You are,” Ethan insists.

He thrusts into her again, and Naomi cries out, nails raking at his back. Surely she’s broken skin at this point, but Ethan doesn’t care. He’s never been one for pain in bed, but with Naomi, he’s willing to make an allowance, especially since it leaves way for pleasure. They move in tandem, hips moving against each other, both trying to coax out the release that’s been building. Unable to do much of anything else, Ethan leans forward, kissing Naomi again. She meets him halfway, just as eager as he is.

Eventually she has to break the kiss, and she gasps in a large breath of air, her lungs constricting tightly in her rib cage. In her distracted moment, Ethan manages to free himself of her hands marking him relentlessly, and he captures both of her wrists in one fell swoop. He holds them above her head in one hand, pressing her as deep into the mattress as possible. The new angle catches her by surprise and she can’t do anything but gasp into the air above her.

“Please.” She doesn’t even know what she’s pleading for at this point, but it’s the only word her brain can comprehend so she chants it repeatedly like a prayer until she’s shattering around him, mouth open, head tipped back, skin flush and warm. She’s perfect like this, Ethan surmises. 

It doesn’t take him more than a few more thrusts before Ethan’s own release takes control and he falls forward, leaning some of his weight onto Naomi. He doesn’t trust himself to not say or do something completely stupid, so he buries his face in the crook of her neck, biting down on the sensitive flesh.

It could’ve been mere minutes that they spent in that position, or it could’ve been hours for all Naomi knows, but when Ethan finally pulls out, he’s kissing her all over: her cheeks, her nose, her forehead.

He wraps her in a solid embrace, arms circling around her and holding her close, their erratic heart rates trying to slow down. Ethan feels at peace doing just this, holding her close to him, feeling the rise and fall of her chest.

Do you feel any better?”

That isn’t a question Naomi expects to hear right after sex, and it causes her to pause.  After a few more moments of silence, she answers, “I mean, the endorphin release was great if that’s what you’re asking.”

“It’s not what I’m asking, and you know it.”

Naomi knew going into it that the sex wasn’t going to soothe all of her hurts and be the magical solution to her problems, so she doesn’t need some major “I-told-you-so” moment from him. But for the first time in almost a week, she feels like herself again. Within the confines of these four walls, Ethan didn’t treat her like some fragile little doll, and her mind was able to take a break from overthinking.

“It was nice to turn my brain off, if only for a short time,” Naomi replies. “It was nice to not be a captive to my trauma.”

Ethan’s fingers gently graze her scalp, massaging. “Do you think you’re ready to talk to me now?”

“No.”

She’s as stubborn as ever. “Fair enough. But if we were to talk about it, I would say that you went through something horrible and traumatic, and you have to allow yourself to actually feel and process whatever emotions you have. I’d also say that you are incredibly strong, but your strength doesn’t mean that you have to bottle everything inside in order to make everyone around you feel better, especially when you’re with me. Strong people have the right to be vulnerable too.” Ethan sighs. “But since we aren’t talking about it, I’m not going to say any of those things.”

Naomi curls in closer to Ethan, comforted by his body warmth. “I think I would really enjoy hearing those things if this was a conversation we were having.”

“Good. Now whenever you’re ready to talk, I’ll be prepared.”

“Thank you.”

“I think it’s what good boyfriends do. Or whatever the hell I am to you. That’s what you said, right?”

“Okay, I have an explanation for getting agitated about the technical definition of our relationship.”

“Oh yeah? I’d love to hear it.”

“I was impatient and horny.”

Ethan laughs, the warm and rich sound curling around her insides. It does more to help than she’ll ever be able to convey to him. “You’re also very honest.”

“To a fault at times, yes.”

A silence settled between them again, and Naomi feels her eyelids getting heavier. Maybe she’ll be able to finally get some real sleep, not the fitful unconsciousness she’s been subjected to for the past few days.

“Thank you for indulging me tonight,” Naomi says. 

He’s going to suggest she talk to a therapist. He’s going to say it multiple times, until he’s blue in the face and she’s tired of listening. But he'll leave her alone for tonight.

“You’re welcome. Now, get some sleep. The sooner you get to bed, the sooner we wake up, and I can cook breakfast for you.”

“Mhmm, sounds like a plan, Ramsey.”

Ethan can feel her falling asleep on him. He presses a kiss into her forehead. “Naomi?”

“Hmm?”

“For the record, I am definitely your boyfriend.”

~v~

tags: @maurine07 @aka-calliope @edgiestwinter @soft-for-drake @greenbean-kylie @akshara16 @mrsramseyy @honeyandsunfl0wers @blossomanarchy @takemyopenheart @fanmantrashcan @whatchique @ao719 @x-kyne-x @colourmeshy @paulfwesley @writinghereandthere @ramseyandrys @perriewinklenerdie @aworldoffandoms @thatcatlady0716 @drakewalker04 @canknot @hatescapsicum @lapisreviewsstuff @senseofduties @badchoicesposts @ethandaddyramsey @chasingrobbie @zodiacsign1 @choices-lurker @trappedinfandoms @my-heart-beats-for-ya @adrian-motherfucking-raines @riverrune @edith-eggs1 @thatysn @bellcat2010 @theeccentricbibliophile @cecilecontrera @junehiratas @choices-love-affair @openheart12 @caseyvalentineramsey @desmaranj @nazario-sayeed @aestheticartsx @ruinedbypixels @mvalentine @nooruleman @rookie-ramsey

[yoditorian]

lacuna- part 6

din/reader

once again i left my writing down to the wire and did the bulk of this today so that’s why its Like That, as always a huge thank you to my wonderful @brothersdrxke for being my favourite sounding board and reminding me i am capable 

MASTERLIST

word count: 3.2k

warnings: swears, violence/death/murder, reader has a panic attack if you squint (not specifically mentioned and only referred to in one sentence), angst and arguments, we got a little more explicit with the smut this time (with added biting), 18+ no babies thanks

Nevarro’s cantina is always dusty. Something that’s struck Din as odd for as long as he’s been meeting Guild reps there, since the planet itself is all humidity and sulfur.

“You know, I’ve never met a hunter quite as efficient as you are.” Karga smiles warmly, but there’s something about his tone that makes Din’s skin crawl. The way he drawls out ‘efficient’ makes him wonder if he means something else. He hopes he doesn’t get asked anymore questions.

A set of new pucks slide across the table towards him, and Din pockets all five of them without even really looking. An amateur move, one he knows better than, but the longer he stays under the new Guild rep’s piercing stare the more he feels like he’s being studied.

“They’re of your usual calibre.” Karga reassures him as he stands to leave, not fool enough to try and palm off any jobs that nobody else will do.

Though the pucks are heavy in his pocket, you’re the only thing on Din’s mind when he steps into the shadow of the Razor Crest. You always are. He sees you everywhere, welding the outer panels together, meticulously painting the orange stripes “because they’ll look cool, Mando.” He sees you every time he has to rewire the internal electrics, that smudge of engine grease that seemed to be a permanent resident on your cheekbone back at the space station, or with the top half of your body wedged in a wall panel and your ass in the air.

The memories of you building the ship used to make him smile even after the worst jobs. Now they just make his hands shake.

You’ve been haunting him more than usual. Every time he turns around in the ship he calls his home, it’s like he expects to see you tinkering with something in the hull or staring up at the stars from the pilot seat with your feet up on the console. Something the others in the crew used to scold you for, but never him. It was endearing, to see you so at home in control of a ship. Any ship. Like you could speak their language.

Din knows it’s because he hasn’t heard from you since you told him you survived. Not that he really expected you to after he didn’t respond.

He almost did, he wanted to. He stares at the comm for hours at night, turning the stupid little thing over in his hands like it holds the secrets to the universe. Maybe it does. Maybe if he had the guts to say something, to say anything, to you. Or maybe he already knows the secrets of the universe, the one that matters to him anyway, and he’s just too afraid to think about it. He doesn’t contact you, he can’t contact you. Not when he knows exactly what it is he wants to say. It’s unfair to the both of you to speak it out loud.

He’s pretty sure you already know anyway. He doesn’t need to say it, maybe he never did. Maybe you’ve always known. How could you not? He’s never been soft like this with anyone the way he has with you. He’s never made so much space in his heart for somebody else. There’s no way you can’t tell. He feels so much for you, so much, there’s hardly any room inside left for him. It must be so obvious. And if he had any control when it comes to you, he could pretend like you don’t make him want to claw out his own heart and hand it to you. It’s yours anyway.

But Din compartmentalises, the way he always has. He takes a deep breath and packs every thought of you back into the box and stows it firmly away in the back of his mind. There will be time to miss you later.

It’s the worst job he’s ever had. By far. This is one bounty he’s not sure he can bring in.

Cork Gyll’s smile is sickening when he sees Din standing in the doorway of his home. If you could even call it that. It’s more of a cave, with an improvised door of thin sheet metal and a badly constructed bed against the far wall. A small metal crate is tucked just underneath the bed frame, half concealed by a threadbare blanket. Not much else, not that Din was expecting much of anything. The dar’manda sits and regards him for a long moment.

“You were there, Beroya.” He spits the title out like it’s a dirty word. It probably is, in his mind. Din only nods.

He should stun him and cuff him and drag him back to the Crest to freeze. That’s what he should do. But it’s too intriguing. Their situations are too similar. Din can’t help himself.

“Why did you do it?” 

Cork perks up at that. Like he wasn’t expecting to be spoken to at all, like he thought he’d just be dragged back to the noble family that ordered the bounty to atone for his crimes. Crimes Din doesn’t even know the extent of.

He loved her, is the first thing he recounts. A dreamy look in his eyes replaces the amusement at fate’s cruel blow. Is that the same look Din gets when he thinks of you?

He’d loved her to the point of removing his helmet, breaking the creed he’d followed all his life, for this daughter of some Outer Rim noble family he was running security for. Cork reddened at the memories of her fingers tracing his face when he bared himself to her the first time, the second time, and every time after that.

But his eyes grow dark suddenly, an odd coldness sweeps the room, and Din finds his hand inching ever closer to the blaster strapped to his hip. Just in case.

He’d proposed. Of course he had. She’d seen his face so many times and they loved each other and he couldn’t hold himself back anymore, the guilt of breaking the creed had been at war with the space he’d made for her in his heart. But she’d said no. She had responsibilities to her family, to the son of another powerful family on the planet whom she’d been promised to before either of them were even born. She loved him, she loved him so much, but her answer was no.

Cork had panicked for his creed, her answer struck him so terribly in the chest that he hadn’t even registered that he’d drawn his blaster until there was a smoking hole between her eyes. Her beautiful eyes. But that was the way. No one alive had seen his face, and he’d been declared dar’manda anyway. He’d lost his love and his creed by his own foolish hand in the space of a few hours. And now? He’d likely be killed for it too.

The raw pain in Cork’s voice as he recalls what he did to his love is enough to make Din accept what he has known all this time to be true. He could never, would never, hurt you for anything. Not even the creed, he was a fool to think otherwise. No matter what it came down to. He’d take dar’manda over being responsible for your death. He’d take exile and disgrace and whatever else they dealt him if it meant he got to feel your skin on his. Your lips on his. No creed or vow or religion could ever bring him the solace that you do. Duty be damned.

Din moves silently across the room with the cuffs, something tells him Cork will go willingly.

He is so very, very wrong.

Part of his mind is still so absorbed in the story, in thoughts of you, that he notices Cork grabbing a heavy wrench just a second too late. It collides with the side of his helmet, taking out one of his auditory sensors and leaving his ears ringing. Cork takes the opportunity to strike once, twice, three times, at his chestplate in a vain attempt to wind him. He winds up for the helmet again, but Din throws himself onto his attacker before he gets the chance. While not graceful or calculated, it does the trick.

Cork laughs as he’s tackled to the floor, a horrible grating sound in his throat. Din doesn’t hesitate to pull his blaster and fire. The other man flops, lifeless, beneath him. The puck said taking him alive was preferable, but somehow Din’s not sure they’ll mind.

The wrench is still clasped in Cork’s hand, old and rusted but oddly familiar. A Mythosaur skull is carved into the base of the handle, and he knows. He must have taken it from the forge at the covert and stashed it before his exile, suspecting a bounty would be set on him. It’s no wonder the thing almost caved his helmet in. Din rips it off in the privacy of the room to inspect the damage, a dent the size of his fist in the right hand side and the auditory sensor is sparking. He’ll need a whole new one.

It’s as though the Armourer is expecting him, she never seems to be surprised by the state of some of the warriors who walk through her door. She simply directs him to a small curtained alcove and asks that he deposit his helmet on the shelf in the wall when he’s hidden.

“You should not regret it.” She speaks clearly, certainly, after he tells her how he sustained such damage. Din’s not sure he can agree with her this time around.

“He was a vod.”

“He was dar’manda. His crimes could never be forgiven. The vows you spoke for your creed no longer applied to him.” She places his new helmet, forged from the remains of his broken one, on the shelf for him to take. It’s been so long since he got a new piece, Din has forgotten how shiny beskar can be. His face stares back at him, distorted by the curve of the metal, for a moment before he finally puts it on. A perfect fit.

Green Squadron, you’re making your final approach.

It’s still kind of jarring to hear a droid coordinate the drop instead of one of the officers back on one of the rebel cruisers. Just something you’ll have to get used to, you suppose.

Three loud beeps sound from your dashboard and you flick the correct switches to drop out of hyperspace in perfect synchronisation with the rest of the team. The two cadets on this particular training session are a little shaky, but they come back into formation once they’ve reoriented. Until another ship appears out of nowhere, uncomfortably close to your left hand side. The squadron scatters, cadets panicking over the comms as your commander demands to know why it wasn’t caught on the sensors. You’re about to echo the sentiment, until you realise exactly why it’s not running a beacon.

“Green Leader, I know that ship. Request a line.” Your heart is in your throat the moment you spot the mismatched panels, the orange stripes you’d spent hours making sure were even.

“You know it? You’re sure, Four?”

“I built it! Put me on the line!” You don’t mean to snap the way you do, but the longer he stays in range the more danger everybody’s in.

Part of you expects a fight, expects your commander to doubt you, but it only takes another second for your comm light to flicker to life on the dash. You can only pray you can convince him to haul ass before the commander gets antsy and calls you to fire.

“Razor Crest, this is a New Republic drill. Please proceed to a safe distance from the training zone.” You want to tell him it’s good to see him, that he’s alive, but you’re all too aware that every one of the team can hear you. Best to stay professional.

The way your name echoes around the cockpit makes your stomach flip. His voice is soft, like he’s surprised it’s you, the tone barely appropriate for the kind of company you’re in. You don’t look forward to the questions you know will follow this session.

“Razor Crest,” You can’t keep the urgency at bay, “Please proceed to a safe distance or we will use force.”

Stars, you don’t want it to come to that. But the Crest is pre-empire, something you’ve noticed leaves any senior officer more than a little on edge. Hell, you would be too if you didn’t know who was at the helm.

“You’d shoot me down for the rebellion?”

“I would.” You answer immediately, because yes, yes you would. There’s no question. The same way that you’re sure, if it came to it, he’d kill you for his creed. Duty is a far more powerful thing than either of you.

Din sits on the comm silently for a long moment, as if he doesn’t believe you. Or maybe he’s- no. You stop that train of thought before it can even leave the station. He’s not shocked at your admission. He would do the same.

Green Squadron remains steady in formation, but a low order from your commander comes over the team system.

“Lock s-foils. Prepare to fire.”

“Mando!”

Din flies out of reach and on his way the second he registers the blind panic in your voice. It would be beautiful to watch the Crest arc through the stars if you weren’t so fucking terrified you were about to be ordered to pursue. But the order doesn’t come. Instead, Green Leader starts leading the cadets through drills, designating you and Shara to keep guard.

A private comm request appears on your display, and you accept without hesitation.

“So, Mando?” Shara doesn’t sound amused, or excited like she might have in any other situation. She sounds worried. Maybe she’s right to be, you’re still trying to remember how to breathe.

“Mando.” You confirm, but you leave it at that. She doesn’t pry. You’re thankful she doesn’t ask any more questions before you can do something really stupid like cry, or fly off after him.

You find yourself at the inn at Mos Espa as soon as the training run is over. Your commander can reprimand you for taking the A-Wing when you get back to base, a vague excuse about staying on top of your patrol duties has been ready on the tip of your tongue since the moment you decide on the detour. They could handle a few hours without you and your ship.

It’s unspoken, but somehow you know he’ll be there. And he is.

Perched awkwardly on the edge of the bed in your usual room, elbows on his knees and his chin resting on his fists. Just watching the door and waiting for you. There’s deep scratches in the red paint of his armour, chunks missing where it was intact before. He’s got a whole new helmet.

“Fuck, Din, what happened?” You wonder about the injuries underneath the metal. Whether there’ll be new scars to trace, freshly healed wounds to run your lips over in the moments after-

“Don’t call me that.”

“What?”

“Don't use my name again. Ever.” Even with the modulator, you can hear him force the words through gritted teeth. He doesn’t sound angry, he sounds in pain. You’re only more confused as he stands and starts to shed the battered armour, giving way to sheer, blinding rage at the way he sets the pieces down on the table so reverently. Not unlike the way he handles you.

“So I can’t say your name but you’ll still fuck me. You’re gonna make me call you ‘Mando’, but you’ll still take off the helmet and kiss me?” Your hands shake at your sides. You’re so angry. You want him to reassure you, to backtrack and tell you he doesn’t mean it. Maybe you’re too used to the way he’s always been so ready to comfort you, to hold you and fit himself into the empty space in your ribs that you know is meant for him. Instead of the gentle words you’ve come to know from him, he only presents you with silence. Silence and anger on both sides, maybe misdirected, maybe not.

You’ve always respected his creed, his Way. But you’ve never had to like it.

In only his flight suit and helmet, Din stalks over to the doorway with one hand on the side of his helmet and plunges the room into darkness. You don’t hear him approach you, don’t even feel the air move until he’s standing chest to chest with you, lungs heaving. The Hunter. 

Your forehead bumps into the lifted lip of the helmet when his empty hand creeps up your back and pulls you by the neck into a bruising kiss, although he’s quick to send the thing crashing to the floor and free up his other hand to grab at you.

“You don't,” He lifts your shirt over your head, “Know me.”

“No?” You reply, sinking your hand into his suit to squeeze him through his underwear. He growls, like he always does when you do that, and his mouth is hot on yours again. He has always known you, just as you have always known him. However reluctantly.

It’s a power struggle like you’ve never experienced with him. He’s pushing as you’re pulling and every touch is burning and biting, each determined to get your way. Somehow you don’t think there will be any winners tonight.

His every touch cuts you down to your bones, every drag of his fingers as he exposes more and more of you to the night threatens to tear you apart. You revel in the way he’s grabbing you, twisting and turning you just to his liking, and find you don’t miss the softness one bit. Not right now. Your blood still boils at how he’s stepped back from you, revoked the one thing of his you thought you had. Although maybe you never really had it in the first place. 

You don’t give in, you can’t. He’s got you pinned against the bed, smug smile pressed into your neck at your breathlessness, and you sink your teeth into his shoulder. He tastes like salt and metal and you lose yourself in the deep groan that rumbles through him.

Din’s sure you’re trying to break him and, honestly, you’re well on your way to succeeding. Taking him apart piece by piece and leaving him shattered for treating you the way he has. He deserves it. Although he’d argue this is certainly a humane way to exact your revenge. Every touch, every moan and squeal and bite, sends another crack spider webbing through his guard. He’s done pretending every time is the last time, you’ve settled so deep in his heart he’s not sure he could ever dig you out. 

It’s later, in the dark and quiet, when the anger and desperation has faded that you whisper.

“I know you better than I know myself.”

And for a moment, he can pretend that you’re right.

-

TAGLIST (add yourself here):

@brothersdrxke @rebloogggs @keeper0fthestars @remmysbounty @sirianisrock @thevoiceinyourheadx @firstofficerwiggles @1800-fight-me​

[talas-starlight]

Scarred Spirit - Zuko x fem!reader (pt.4)

SUMMARY: *queue beebo* ladies and gents this is the moment you’ve waited for  

WORD COUNT: 2.8k

WARNINGS: swearing, australian spelling (not a warning just letting you know)

OTHER PARTS IN THE SERIES:  pt1   /   pt2   /   pt3   /   pt4   /  pt5   /   pt6

MASTERLIST: Here!

As the Cherry Blossom trees were in full bloom, Iroh was basking in the peace he hadn’t felt in weeks. Zuko on the other hand, sat next to the entryway sulking. Of course, Iroh, being the caring uncle he was, wished to relieve him of all the angst within him on this beautiful day and approached him with a solemn expression on his face. “I see, it’s the anniversary isn’t it.”

Beneath his straw hat, Zuko scowled agitated his uncle brought it up, as if it wasn’t the first thing he thought about when he woke up this morning. “Three years ago today, I was banished. I lost it all. I want it back. I want the avatar. I want my honour. My throne. I want my father, not to think I’m worthless.”

“I’m sure he doesn’t! Why would he banish you if he didn’t care?”

Wordlessly Zuko rose and walked away from his uncle, frustrated and terrified of what else his uncle might say. Finding a cherry blossom tree far, far, away from Iroh, he sat down beneath it angrily. He hated this day. He hated what it did to his life. He hated how the memories of you consumed his mind more prominently today than any other day of the year.

He never said it out loud, but he wanted you just as much as he wanted his honour. He wanted to see you alive. Breathing right in front of him. And he’d be damned if he admitted it to his uncle. Why, he wanted you? He wasn’t sure. You have always lingered in the back of his mind, not constantly, but every once in a while, it always seemed to come back to you. Or at least what was left of you in his mind.

This annoyed him endlessly. How could someone, who he barely spoke a word to, stay in his mind for so long? He didn’t even know what you looked like! He let out a groan of frustration. He wished he could remember what your voice sounded like. Then, at least he would have something to hold onto. He tried desperately to cling onto the memory of you. The way your baby hair stuck out of your top knot, your posture as you shielded him the best you could, the feeling of your robes on his fingertips. But it was no use. There was no point in it all. None of it would lead him to you. For all he knew, you were probably dead.

That prospect terrifies him so much that he refuses to utter a word about you into existence.

After countless days of following the giant fire nation ship from a considerable distance behind, you were grateful when they finally docked. You were beyond starved, stupidly underestimating how long Azula would be at sea. It seems you got a little too cocky in your abilities over the years. Shaking your head, you put yourself into a more focused mindset, now more than ever, you couldn’t afford to be sloppy. Tying your small boat to a dock which situated behind some rocky mountains and far away from any view from where their ship was, you began your search for robes to blend in.

Swiftly moving about in the shadows to avoid any interaction with people off Azula’s boat, you manage to ascend the stairs leading up to an Earth Kingdom village. Upon seeing the first clothesline with clothes that look like you could fit into, you grab the pink robes. Grabbing some extra cloth, you make a makeshift mask to shield your face and neck, and wind small pieces around your hands completely. Finally, and most importantly, you double checked to ensure that all of your weapons were strapped securely underneath.

Satisfied with your disguise, you decide to head near the dock to check if Azula’s made any advancements in her plan to get her brother and uncle back. However, you faltered, hearing a small argument break out a few huts away. Initially, you dismiss it, although just as you were about to journey back down the mountain, you felt something… like a crack of lighting waiting to go off.

Azula.

You follow the sounds of the argument and Azula’s inner fire. Hiding within a bush near an open window; you listen in on whatever was going on inside.

“What are you doing here?!”

“In my country, we exchange a pleasant hello before asking questions. Have you become uncivilised so soon, Zuzu?”

“Don’t call me that!”

Eyes widening at the realisation, wait… that’s Zuko?

“To what do we owe this honour?” You quickly assume that’s their uncle.

“Hmm, must be a family trait. Both of you so quick to get to the point.” Azula’s voice is harsh, almost as if she’s ready to strike.

Must she be so dramatic?

“I’ve come with a message from home. Fathers changed his mind, family is suddenly very important to him. He’s heard rumours of plans to overthrow him—treacherous plots. Family are the only ones you can really trust. Father regrets your banishment; he wants you home.”

At Zuko’s lack of response, you grew worried. No Zuko don’t-

“Did you hear me?! You should be happy. Excited. Grateful! I just gave you great news.”

You felt Zuko come closer to the window. He felt more muted… less angry.

“I’m sure your brother simply needs a moment…”

Azula snapped at Iroh. “Don’t interrupt uncle! I still haven’t heard my thank you. I’m not a messenger. I didn’t have to come all this way.”

“Father regrets? He… wants me back?”

Fuck! Don’t listen to her you coal brain!

“I can see you need time to take this in. I’ll come to call on you tomorrow. Good evening.”

As Azula left back to the ship, you cursed under your breath. Yes, you knew your job. And yes, you knew what would happen to Zuko and Iroh if they foolishly believed the princess. You needed a plan.

Maybe if I could just… steer him in another direction, help bring light to the situation. Maybe they’ll listen. Quietly retreating away from the hut, you walked into the town, looking for a way to talk to them without being obvious.

A few hours later, the best you could come up with was to deliver them some food for the evening, pretending you worked for the owner of all the huts. It wasn’t your best plan, but most people openly welcome free food, so it was good enough. But for the first time in your life, you felt nerves, unlike any other. Sure, you were nervous when you jumped to save Zuko, but this was different. Then, your nerves activated your fight responses, but today? These were the kind of nerves that made you want to run away because you’ve already gone over the multitude of possibilities that might occur. But of course, you dismissed the thoughts of running away, because once again, you were on a mission to save his life despite the threats Ozai made you.

Did he forget about me as I told him to, all those years ago? Hopefully, he did. After all, he is alive.

Just as you were about to enter, you heard his voice inside. “We’re going home! After three long years. It’s unbelievable!” Your eyes widened at the excitement in his tone. That wasn’t a good sign considering what you were about to do.

“It is unbelievable. I have never known my brother to regret anything.”

“Did you listen to Azula? Fathers realised how important family is to him. He cares about me!” Now you began to seriously contemplate on walking in there right now, and beating him until he came to his senses.

It seemed Iroh wasn’t having it either. “I care about you! And if Ozai wants you back well, I think it may not be for the reasons you imagine.”

“You don’t know how my father feels about me. You don’t know anything!”

“Zuko, I only meant that in our family things are not always what they seem.”

“I think you’re exactly what you seem. A lazy, mistrustful, shallow old man who’s always been jealous of his brother!”

Okay, I’ve heard enough coal brain.

You let out a deep, shaky breath. It seems no matter how hard you try to keep your cool, you’ll never be entirely ready for what you’re about to throw yourself into. Balancing the tray of food in your left arm, you round the corner to the front of the hut, emitting a firm knock onto the side of the entryway.

Zuko whips around at the sound. “Who are you? What do you want!”

As he looks at you with his harsh and angry glare, you feel like you’ve been smacked in the face multiple times. Ironically, you also knew it had been precisely three years since you jumped to save him, and now you finally get to witness the full extent of your failure. Heart tightening at the severe contrast to how he sounded all those years ago, you take in his pain. His anger.

Feeling the intense fire burning inside of him from his anger and rage, it almost takes you back. It seems that the years he spent away from his old home has damaged the afraid, innocent boy you once knew. As you wear your stolen robes and mask shielding your neck, a nasty feeling forms in your gut. You have always been able to cover your extensive scars with clothing, but him? His scar is almost too much of a visual representation for you to bear.

I should have moved to the left a bit more; then he wouldn’t have it. If I just aimed better when I jumped, he wouldn’t have to live like this. Maybe if I succeeded, he wouldn’t be so bitter.

Not letting how frustrated you feel towards yourself show, you bow to him and his uncle.

“My apologies, I did not mean to disturb you this evening. I am only here to deliver you some food, it’s on the house.”

This only fuels his anger, irritated that you weren’t anyone of great significance. “Fine. Just place it over there and leave us!”

Iroh sighs, walking towards you. “Zuko, that is no way to treat a young lady. My apologies for my nephew’s behaviour Miss, he has recently received some unexpected news today. Thank you for your services.”

You give a light smile, even though he can’t see it. “No, it’s alright. I understand how hard it may be to truly know what is the right choice when brought with unexpected circumstances.”

“I’m sorry who are you? Who do you think you are?! You know nothing, not even anything remotely similar to the situation I’m in. So don’t go around assuming you understand anything! You have no right coming in here and thinking you can help me in any way.”

His hostility begins to feel normal; you knew you should have expected him to be like this. “Of course my apologies sir, how could I be so senseless. I don’t mean to overstep. I only wish you relieve you of some of your stress. I meant no disrespect.”

At that moment, you almost slapped yourself. Idiot, why did I say that?

Zuko faltered, overwhelmed with the words you just slapped him with. And you said them on today of all days?

“What did you just say?”

Iroh who was intently watching you throughout the interaction snapped his attention towards his nephew, “Zuko, please, she only-“

“I’m sorry I meant no disrespect sir I-“

“Get out.”

Understanding that he wasn’t ready to take any guidance or advice from you, you silently bowed, turning to leave.

Just as you were about to walk out completely, you glanced back at him looking him in his golden, raged filled eyes, “pain doesn’t leave you forever Prince Zuko. It lingers. You should take the past and let it guide your future journey, not let it control you.”

As you stepped out into the unforgiving cold air, Zuko was frozen, gaping at the doorway where you once stood. How you knew of his true identity was beyond him, yet there was something hidden, masked beneath your final statement that didn’t sit right with him. The hair on his skin is standing at the entire interaction that just occurred. Of course, he had no idea who you were, so why did it feel like you knew more than you let on? Did you know anything about his past? Shaking it off, he continued to pack in silence. Even Iroh didn’t say a word.

Descending the mountain back towards your ship, words that you had memorised and locked away for years, suddenly resurfaced.

Maybe Azula was right after all.

Early the next morning, you rose with the sun. Soon after eating some breakfast made out of the fish you hunted last night, you decided to make your way near the massive ship. As per Ozai’s orders, you hid behind some greenery into a position that left you unseen to everyone.

Eventually, they showed up to the docks, and honestly, you were upset that Iroh was unable to get through to his nephew. But there was nothing you could do about it right now.

Due to the distance, you weren’t able to make out what they were saying, leaving you to have to read Azula’s lips, as she was the only one you could clearly see. Yet that didn’t seem to matter because soon enough, a fight broke out.

That’s not looking too good.

Knowing better than to expose yourself right away, you waited. Telling yourself that if they needed help, then and only then, would you help them.

After a few minutes, you watched lighting make impact with one of the rocky cliffs, sending rocks all around. With Zuko and Iroh running off the ship to escape, you knew it was time to run after them. Help them find a way to get away from Azula for good. Although, as you stood, you suddenly felt lightheaded and your vision got blurry, sending you straight to the ground.

What the heck?

Struggling to gain any body strength, you tried to get up again, but it was useless. The hair across your body stood up, but you weren’t cold, you were sweating. Looking down, you saw that your hands were alit in fire.

W-what?! What’s happening to me! Stop it y/n. Stop. Turn it off.

Panicking you tried to shake it away, but nothing was working, and your breath began to quicken.

What’s happening?! No. Stop. No!

Suddenly, you lost all sight of what was in front of you, and a blinding white light encompassed your mind. You closed your eyes, but it didn’t go away. When you reopened your eyes, you were faced with scenery you had never seen before. In the distance, high above you, there was an older man in what appeared to be old Fire Nation robes, and a young boy dressed as an Air Nomad on a dragon.

Is that the Avatar?

Due to the distance, you couldn’t make out what they were saying, and they seemed so engrossed in their conversation, they didn’t see you. This prompted you to do the only logical thing anyone could do; you screamed.

“HEYYY! DOWN HERE!! I COULD USE A LITTLE HELPPPPP!!!”

Instead of hearing you, your surroundings began to change. First, there was a lady dressed in Kyoshi attire. Then suddenly, you were in the middle of the ocean with a man from the Water Tribe about to send a massive wave towards you.

Holy shit.

Before you could react, your surroundings changed once again, and you were in the middle of a field with a female Airbender, soon switching to a Firebender erupting volcanoes around him.

Okay, what in Spirits name is happening to me.

You tried to scream again, but it was no use. It was like an awful dream, unable to move and watching events happen before you. No matter how much you screamed or flailed your arms around, neither person on the dragon seemed to be able to notice you. Letting out a final scream of desperation, you were ready to give up.

Where the hell am I? Is this a dream? Am I trapped here? WHAT EVEN IS HERE?!

Nothing made any sense anymore; you were almost ready to admit defeat. But then you saw it. It happened so fast, and you nearly missed it. Yet as your body became frigid in shock, you knew it happened.

The dragon looked at you.

Is… is that dragon fucking smirking?! Ohmyspirits it’s going to eat me. Who would have known, death by spirit dragon.

Enough with your blabbering y/n. I apologise, but it’s not time yet. You were taken aback, shocked that you received a response from the dragon.

How did you get in my head?! And time? Time for what! For you to eat me?!

Completely disregarding your concerns, the dragon’s eyes turned to stare back at you. Almost as if it were peering into your soul. The people upon him didn’t even notice the dragon’s current focus. Look at what they’ve done to you… if only they knew. We will meet again y/n, when it’s time.

The white light re-entered your mind, blinding you once again. Only this time, you were met with darkness.

A/N: Thank you for reading!! What did you think of the lil reunion??

GAHAHAHA we lowkey on some kdrama energy out here but anywaysss! please don’t be shy,, let me know what you think or send a message! i feel like this series is going downhill a lot faster than i expected :// idk anyway! even if its not related to my fics,, homie gets a lil lonely so id love to chat 😊

TAGLIST:

@slythergirlimagines​​ @mangoberry43​​ @eridanuswave​​ @whiskeywinter89​​​ @kaylove12​​ @simplyfandomish​​ @khaleesi-of-assassins​ @callums-keith​ @ilovespideyyy​ @calciumcow​ @blackhood5sos​ @nnon-it-up​ @lozzybowe​

[possiamo-andare]

Midsummer pt. 2: JJ Maybank

JJ x Reader

MASTERLIST

word count: over 6.8k (I went a little overboard lol)

a/n: first off, I'd like to say holy moly you guys are amazing I never thought I'd get over 600 notes on anything let alone something I wrote. Your kind words have bee so motivating so I definitely had to write a part 2 for everyone. Second, I just want to thank everyone who has messaged, reblogged, liked anything I've written. It's so fulfilling to know someone enjoys my stuff. You guys are he best <3

~

The last time JJ was interested in one girl at a time, was back when his only example of what a woman was, was in an inappropriate magazine. It's not like he never tried to like one girl at a time, but when he tried, something better always came along to distract him. JJ was curious by nature to put it lightly. The saying 'never judge a book by it's cover' was not true when it came to JJ. Usually, whatever you judged about him was right. He had been around obx with many Pogue ladies and flaunted it. He was proud being a bachelor that got around and rarely anyone held that against him.

But now, he was done for. By a Kook no less. A stupid Kook that JJ had met once a long time ago.

It was a stupid crush. Nothing he couldn't handle. His number of crushes spanned a long and thorough list. To say he was a pro at getting his crushes interested in him was an understatement. Then he saw you with Rafe and everything he felt for you disappeared. Disappeared might not be a good word. More like, he suppressed every feeling he felt for you the day he met you at the station until he could feel nothing at all. It was truly a tragic day for JJ when he found out you were dating Rafe. Then, JJ did what he did the best; he found another girl to distract himself with.

Just when he thought he was getting over the tragic situation, you had shown up at the Midsummer party. He hadn't thought about you, or your gorgeous smile or your pretty hair for a few weeks now and just as he thought he was turning a corner, you stood in front of him and demanded two sodas. You had not recognized him. He could tell. You knew who he was, of course, after you rudely told him what you thought of him, but you didn't remember your run in at the station months ago. He knew that if you were ever gonna remember him this time, he had to pull out all the stops. That meant he had to be extra charming and extra funny.

JJ wanted to slap himself. He couldn't believe he had put himself in this situation. He wished that you meant nothing. Every other Kook girl meant nothing to him (except Kie of course, but that's different), so why were you different?

He couldn't think too much about it. If he did, he would have to self analyze and that's something he rarely did. So, he just acted like an asshole to you. Being difficult with girls always worked. JJ knew the less you cared about their existence, the more they chased. And that might be true for the other girls JJ liked but definitely not you. He felt like he was always losing a battle whenever he spoke to you. You were super defensive the entire time he tried to talk to you. He couldn't get a word in edgewise and it didn't help that your image of him was already tainted.

So, he tried another approach. He tried to be himself. This would be anyone's first choice but we are talking about JJ. He's had to put up so many barriers so people don't see the real him, it was hard to keep track of which one to use. There was the lady's man JJ, the Pogue JJ, the obedient son, the annoying friend, and even the protector. JJ was just never truly himself. Of course his friends knew this and they accepted any form of JJ, but he knew you wouldn't. So, he just was himself.

And the next thing he knows, you're kissing him. Technically, he leaned in first, but you definitely closed the gap between you two which had to count for something.

Maybe it was because he liked you so much, or maybe it was because of the gin he downed before dancing with you, but your kisses made him feel like he was in fifth grade. Every kiss felt like the first one. He felt things he'd never felt before; by a Kook nonetheless.

And then, too soon, the moment was interrupted by a busboy. Gerald and his ability to cock block. But he had agreed to meet with you again, as if you were thirteen meeting at a tree house, and he couldn't believe it. You wanted to see him again. You knew who he was, you had learned things about him, and still wanted to see him. Never, and JJ means never, had a girl seen this much of him and still wanted to stay.

That night, JJ couldn't sleep. Even though JB had told him where the gold was and how they were gonna get it, he still would've been able to sleep if it were not for his mind racing with you. He even let his dad yell at him that night. He was in too much of a good mood.

That is, until JB was pushed off a ledge and was rushed to the hospital. Sarah was with him when it happened and JJ had been in the car, waiting for his friend. JB was JJ's family, along with the rest of his friends. JB had let him sleep over countless times when JJ's dad had been especially violent. He had helped JJ in every situation possible and JJ knew he could never repay him. So, to see JB asleep in the hospital with a cast, made his blood boil. And when he found out it was Topper's fault, he wanted to kill Topper himself. The only thing that held him back from doing so was staying in the hospital and waiting for JB to be alright. If JB had woken up any time before, maybe JJ would've had time to beat Topper's ass.

Kie, Pope, and JJ all waited together in the waiting room until there was an update on JB. They knew it wasn't as serious but they were determined to stay until their friend woke up. If it meant staying the whole day, then that's what they'd have to do. And so they did. They stayed well into the afternoon, with Sarah. She was in and out of the hospital room he was in and giving Kie, Pope, and JJ updates every time she did. They even got to talking and, even though Kie and Sarah barely spoke, Sarah was nice to them. She was one of the only Kooks that was nice to them.

The topic of Kooks made another memory resurface. JJ promised you he'd meet you at Sarah's house to "grab his keys" but, when JJ had checked the time, he was already late. He cursed at himself. He had unintentionally stood you up. You were for sure not gonna want to speak to him ever again and he had basically ruined any chance he had with you. He didn't want to tell his friends but they had noticed that once JJ was aware of the time, he had gotten more restless.

Kie had tried to ask him what was wrong but JJ was too upset to answer.

He felt like such an idiot.

Until he saw you enter the waiting room. He almost gasped but held it in, not to draw too much attention to himself. You barely looked at him as you walked in.

You wore black ripped jean shorts and a yellow tank top. You had your hair brushed into a loose braid and you had makeup on. You had done all of this because you were supposed to meet JJ but he had bailed on you. You had waited at Sarah's house for over an hour but, 20 minutes after he would've arrived, you knew he wasn't coming. You felt like an idiot. You had fallen for the oldest and dumbest trick in the book. Then, you got news of what happened to John B. and you realized that's probably why JJ got held up. You were still upset, but at least JJ had a good reason.

When you saw him sitting down in the waiting room, your stomach felt like it was in your throat. Seeing him in daylight was very different to seeing JJ in the dark. At least in the dark, you didn't see the extent of his scars. Now that you did, you felt like crying for him. You can't believe someone did that to him. In the dark, you didn't have to see him completely and you could get away with not looking in his eyes, since that always made you nervous. But now, you could see JJ completely and he was even more gorgeous in the light.

As you went to comfort Sarah, you pretended he wasn't there. You could tell, even with your back turned to him as you hugged Sarah, he was watching you. You felt his eyes burn into your back. But you were here for Sarah, that's it.

"Thanks for being here." Sarah said to you, letting out of your for a moment and looking to the hallway. "I should go and see how he's doing."

You nodded. "Yes, of course. Let me know if there's anything I can do."

Sarah smiled. "You being here is enough." And with that, she was walking back to John B.'s room.

You said hello to Kiara first. You had known her before today and you had always been polite to each other, even though Sarah and her didn't get along. When they did, all three of you hung out and had so much fun. You missed having her as a friend.

"Hey," you said, opening your arms for a hug. Kiara got up from her place in the chair and hugged you for a moment. Things were still a little awkward. "How are you?"

Kiara shrugged. "We just want to make sure John B. is okay."

I nodded. "I'll stay and maybe we can catch up?"

You knew she had a little resentment towards you and you didn't blame her. Sarah believed wholeheartedly that Kiara was the one that called the police on a party she had thrown a while ago and that's one of the reasons they're not friends anymore. Once Sarah let it slip that Kiara called the cops, Kiara was basically blacklisted whenever there was a party. Now, you were hoping to put that all behind you if it meant being Kiara's friend.

Kiara smiled but you could tell she was trying to suppress it. "I'd like that."

You then looked to a boy you knew was named Pope. You knew Pope's dad because he had once brought some groceries to your house at the last minute. It had been one of your mom's charity events and she had run out of a couple items. It was a Saturday night and Mr. Heyward was probably with his family but he got the items for her and delivered them to your house very quickly. Pope had been in a club you used to be in before you quit because Rafe said it took up too much of your time (you wanted to roll your eyes as you remembered all the shit you did to make him happy). Pope has always been nice to you when you were still in that club and when you voiced an idea, he always tried to back you up. You didn't know him that well but you knew him enough to give him a hug. He gladly accepted it, mumbling a hello as you hugged him.

"How are you? I haven't seen you in awhile." You stated, letting go of Pope and looking at him.

He struggled to meet your gaze, a bit embarrassed. You didn't know why but you figured that was just Pope's personality. "Not too bad. I'm president now."

You smiled. "That's so good to hear."

You couldn't believe he remembered that. Although he probably did remember it because the club was filled with Kooks and whenever they tried to pick on Pope, you always called them out. Even though you were grateful for his support, he was just as grateful for yours.

Pope nodded at you, smiling again. You could tell Kiara and Pope felt awkward. Mostly because you were one of the only Kooks that treated them nicely. Which was sad because you didn't understand why Kooks and Pogues didn't get along. Other than the fact that most of the Kooks (you're thinking of Topper and Rafe when you say most) are greedy, selfish assholes. You wanted them to like you really badly. One of the reasons was because they were Sarah and John B.'s friends. The other reason was because of the boy beside Pope, who was standing as well, and watching you closely.

JJ hadn't said one word to you since you entered the waiting room and you knew why. He wasn't sure if you guys should act like you know each other or not. To be honest, you weren't sure either. He had blown you off, for good reason, but then again, he could've gotten a message to you that he was in the hospital. You didn't have to find out from Ward, who drove you to the hospital. You had been waiting outside for an hour once Ward had pulled into the driveway. You asked him where Sarah was and he explained what had happened to John B. and offered you a ride. He had to pick up clean clothes for John B. since he was waking up soon.

You instantly knew why JJ never showed up but he could've easily asked Sarah to call you to let you know why he never arrived. The only explanation for not asking Sarah was because he didn't want anyone to know about what happened. This annoyed you.

When you had gone to bed the night before, you fell asleep to thoughts of JJ and what it would be like to be his girlfriend. Now, you had a rude awakening. He didn't want anyone to know that you had kissed. He was embarrassed to like a Kook.

So, being the salty teen you were, you decided to give him a taste of his own medicine. You were gonna pretend as if you had no idea who he was.

You stuck out your hand, waiting for him to shake it. He looked down at it, perplexed, and slowly extended his hand to shake yours. Once your hands had shaken, you spoke, "Nice to meet you. What's your name?"

JJ's brows furrowed but he answered you. "JJ."

He knew for sure that you were pissed. Before, he had only a small inclination that you were pissed but he now knew for 100% certainty, you were upset. He knew he should've at least tried to call you. He knew Sarah had your number and he knew it would be easy to ask Sarah for your number to call you but he got scared. He didn't know if you wanted anyone to know you guys were macking and he didn't want to embarrass you. He thought it wouldn't be the proudest thing for people to know you kissed JJ Maybank. For a Kook, you could get made fun of for that. So, he played it safe and didn't do anything. But now, he suffered the consequences. You were pissed. If he could only get you alone to explain.

"Cool." You said, smiling at him the way you would a stranger.

JJ looked to Pope and Kie, both of them looking back and forth from between the two of you. You could tell they thought this exchange was funny. You said nothing to JJ after that and just sat down in the chair across from Kiara. The both of you started a conversation as JJ and Pope stayed silent. You did talk about school but you mostly spoke about your summer so far. She had said it had been pretty uninteresting while you said the same. Although it was not over yet, you figured now it would be just like all the summer's before. Granted, you had thought it might be different now that you had met JJ but currently he was an idiot and you rather not spend a summer with someone who was embarrassed to be with you (even though that wasn't the case).

In the middle of your conversation with Kiara about the new documentary she was watching, JJ had gotten up from his place in the chair and mumbled that he had to go to the bathroom. You paid no attention to what he said but Pope and Kiara both nodded, telling him they could care less. You had continued your conversation with her for a minute more before your mind trailed to what JJ was doing. Obviously there was the option that he actually had to go to the bathroom, but then why would he announce it like that? You wondered whether or not he actually had to go to the bathroom or maybe it was a way of telling you he had to speak to you.

You decided the only way to figure out what the answer was, was to wait outside the men's bathroom to see if JJ actually wanted to talk to you or not. Granted, this was about the creepiest thing you could ever do but it was JJ and you were sure he had no reservations about you waiting outside the bathroom for him. In a weird way, it kinda comforted you to know anything weird you had done, JJ had probably done something weirder and would never judge you.

"I'm gonna go get some coffee," you announced to Kiara, who had finished speaking and was waiting for your response. "Want some?"

Kiara shook her head. "Nah, already had some."

You looked to Pope and raised your brows. He shook her head. "No, I already had some too."

You nodded and got up from your seat. "Well, I'm getting some. I'll be back in a second."

And with that, you were out of the waiting room and making your way to the men's bathroom. There was a sign that pointed you in the direction of the bathroom so you figured that it wasn't that far away. You passed a couple of hospital rooms and were not surprised to see most of the doors closed. They probably didn't want a nosy teenager peeking in anyways.

You always hated hospitals. You had to get a cast once when you broke your arm when you were younger and ever since, you hated the smell of hospitals. It smelled too clean. You also didn't like the idea that a floor beneath you, a woman was giving birth and a floor above you, someone could be dying.

As you passed the janitors closet, you were too deep in your thoughts to realize that the closet door was a little open. And when you passed it, a hand came out of the door and grabbed onto you. You didn't even have time to scream. The hand pulled you into the closet and closed the door behind you before you even had time to react. The closet was dimly lit and filled with cleaning supplies such as brooms and chemicals. The smell inside wasn't as bad as the smell outside though. You were about to fight back when you saw the person who had grabbed you.

It was JJ. He was smirking at you as he watched you catch your breath.

"What the hell?" You whisper - yell, scared that someone you know this time could hear you.

"We should really stop meeting like this." He said, the stupid smirk you liked so much still on his lips.

You had to remind yourself you were upset with him. "We didn't meet like this. You kidnapped me."

JJ rolled his eyes, the same stupid smirk on his lips. You had to admit, he looked so hot right now. He had a black shirt on with gray swim trunks. His hair was a fluffy mess and his scars were still apparent. He looked like a mess but you still wanted to kiss him. You wanted to scream. You asked yourself, what was wrong with you?

"You can leave any time you want." JJ countered, pointing towards the closed door.

You looked to the door, then back at him. "Tell me what you want and then I will."

JJ nods, finally feeling like he might have a good chance in explaining his stupid actions. "I know I didn't call you and I'm sorry. I didn't know if you wanted everyone to know about us or not."

You felt a smile on your lips. You wished he could be more mean. You liked JJ too much. Still defending yourself, you acted difficult. "You're right. We shouldn't tell anyone until we figure this," you said, motioning between the two of you. "out."

JJ nodded, this time, his smirk turning into a full smile. "So there is something?"

You roll your eyes, still acting a little difficult. "I never said that."

JJ steps forward, closer to you, and looks down at your lips. "I think that's exactly what you said."

You shook your head. "Stop." You didn't mean it. JJ smirks, biting his lip. You wanted to scream again. What the hell was this boy doing to you? In seconds, you could go from completely angry at him, to wanting to kiss him. No one ever made you feel like this. Yet again, you were so surprised to find yourself liking JJ Maybank. A boy that 72 hours ago, you didn't even care about.

"Stop what -?" JJ was about to ask you something and be annoying but you weren't in the mood.

In seconds, your arms were wrapped around his neck and you were pulling him closer to you. The second your lips touched, it was as if no time passed at all. You were no longer worried about fighting with JJ and pretending you were mad. You got lost when you kissed him. And it still felt so wonderful, even after all that's happened. When you kissed JJ, it was as if there was no one else. It was just you and him. He made kissing, even in a janitor's closet, the best thing to ever happen to you.

JJ's arms snake around your waist as he pulls you closer. Now, you're chest to chest. You can feel his heartbeat through his chest and you're sure he can feel yours too. It comforts you to know he reacts the same way to you kissing him.

You break away for one second, trying to catch your breath. JJ doesn't give you a chance to breathe though because the second you break away, his lips are on your cheek, kissing his way down to your neck. Your knees go weak. This gives JJ the opportunity to push you up against the wall. There's a bunch of equipment in here but you guys make it work. His hands rest on the sides of your waist as his lips travel to your collarbone. You tilt your head back and close your eyes again. And you thought kissing JJ on the lips was the best thing ever.

Although you loved this, you wanted to feel his lips on yours again and desperately cupped his face and moved it away from your neck and back onto your lips. Right before your lips touched his again, you kissed his jaw once. You could tell this had a huge effect on JJ because his hands instinctively came up to cup your jaw. Once your lips touched, your hands moved to his chest again and they rested there as you continued to make out.

He still tasted good which surprised you the most. You rarely had a good story of a Pogue kissing someone and them saying they tasted like mint so this only made you kiss him deeper.

Finally, you both had to break away. You both were running out of air. You were breathing too heavily but didn't notice until JJ pulled away first. As you both caught your breath, you looked at eachother. You were both smiling so wide, your cheeks were starting to hurt. This reminded you of last night, when you both were smiling like madmen after your first kiss. And still, after so many other kisses, it still felt like the first time.

"Is it always like that?" JJ asked, quieting chuckling. He was wiping the gloss he had on his lips, something you had on your lips before they were wiped off.

You shook your head. "Never."

JJ smirked. "I'd say I'm the best kisser you've had."

You rolled your eyes. It was the truth but you would never admit it. "I haven't kissed many people."

JJ raised his brows, creases forming on his forehead. "How many people have you kissed?"

You bit your bottom lip. They were still tingling from JJ's kisses. "None of your business."

JJ rolled his eyes. "Don't you wanna know how many I have kissed?"

You did. But you couldn't let him know that. "No. I have my own guesses."

JJ smiled. "Yeah? What's your guess?"

You shrugged. "Like one hundred thousand or something."

JJ laughed aloud. You didn't care if anyone heard this time, you loved hearing him laugh. "Nice try. It's actually one million."

You knew he was joking just by the tone of his voice. "Ah, makes sense."

JJ raised his brows again. "So, your saying I'm a good kisser?"

You rolled your eyes. "I just meant you have a lot of practice. Doesn't mean you're good."

JJ nodded, a sly smirk on his lips. "If I'm so bad, why do you want to kiss me?"

You smiled, your arms coming up to wrap around his neck. "Someone's gotta teach ya."

You leaned forward and kissed him once again. He instantly kissed you back, his hands wrapping around your waist. The kiss only lasted five seconds but you savoured it. JJ was a good kisser, even though you didn't want to admit it. He was passionate and strong, something you had never experienced with anyone you kissed.

Once you pulled away from him, he spoke again. "Can I come by your house at, like, seven?"

You squint your eyes at him. "Yeah, sure. Why?"

JJ shrugged. "We can't go out together. I just kissed you in a janitor's closet. You deserve some food at least."

I smiled. "Okay. I'll wait for you at my house at seven. Do you know where I live?"

JJ nodded. "I mowed your lawn in May."

You pushed your brows together. "Seriously?" How the hell did you not remember this?

JJ nodded. "I don't expect you to remember. You were hanging out with Sarah and it was only for one weekend."

You shrugged, frowning at him. "I'm sorry. I'm sure I would've said hi."

Although you said this, JJ and you both knew that this was not true. You barely acknowledged his existence until last night so it wasn't a surprise to either of you that you forgot he mowed your lawn.

"It's okay. I got an amazing view of your bedroom window from where I was." JJ joked, snickering softly.

You gasped, slapping him on the chest. "Perv!"

JJ continued to laugh, clutching his chest. "Sorry!"

You shook your head laughing along with him. Once your laughter died down, you spoke, "I'm gotta go. Kiara and Pope are probably wondering where I am. See you soon."

JJ nodded. "See ya."

You both looked at each other and smiled one more time, before you opened the closet door and ran back to the waiting room. For the second time since you met JJ, you made sure not to say goodbye. It wasn't goodbye yet.

~

John B. had woken up soon after you entered the waiting room. Kiara had asked you where your coffee was and you made up an excuse , saying you drank it on your way here. You hoped it didn't look too suspicious as JJ returned only moments later, saying there was a line to get onto the bathroom. You wanted to slap him for coming up with such a lame excuse but yours wasn't any better.

Once John B. was woken up, Kiara, Pope, and JJ visited him while you waited outside for them to finish. Although you knew John B. was a nice guy, you were still nervous to meet him. After they exited his room, it was your turn.

Your first encounter with John B. was excellent. Even though he was still groggy, he was polite and super enthusiastic about meeting you. Apparently Sarah had said such nice things. And the way John B. and Sarah looked at each other, you knew that they were in love. You were so happy for her. You told John B. that if he needed anything, you were there for him but apparently that wasn't necessary. Ward had decided to foster John B. which meant he was going to start to live with Ward, Sarah and their family. You had known about John B.'s predicament with the foster care system so you were relieved to hear this.

Once John B. was ready to be discharged, Ward got John B. and Sarah into the car before asking if you needed a ride. Ward was like your uncle so you, of course, said yes.

When we dropped you off at your house, your parents still weren't home. You had an older sibling who was probably out with their friends so you had the house to yourself. This meant you had hours to spend stressing about when JJ would come. You planned your outfit and makeup before anyone got home because you were really nervous. You wondered what food he would bring, what he would want to do in your room, and just about everything down to the last detail. It was friday night, so your parents wouldn't be home until midnight. Friday nights were their date nights.

Your older sibling would probably be in their room all night so at least you didn't have to worry about them. All you had to worry about was yourself.

You rearrange your room about five times. At first, the stuff on your cabinet was too messy, then it seemed too clean. You didn't want JJ to think you had gone through all this trouble to clean for him. Then you messed it up too much. You made your head, then messed it up to look like you had been sitting in it all day. You threw all of your stuffed animals from when you were a child in your closet. You would die of embarrassment if JJ saw any of your stuffed animals. The teasing would never end.

You busied yourself with TV and reading until 6pm rolled by. You decided one hour gave you enough time to get ready. You took a quick shower and did some simple makeup. You didn't want to put too much effort in. You over thought everything. You changed your top from the tank top to a long sleeve grey shirt but you kept your black ripped jean shorts. The sun was setting and it was getting chilly. You dried your hair and kept it down and you sprayed yourself with ungodly amounts of perfume. You were stressing too much.

Finally 7pm rolled around. And JJ was five minutes late. A small voice in your head told you that he had bailed on you for real this time but you chose not to listen to it. He would be here.

Just when you were about to believe that small voice, you heard a knocking on your bedroom window. Confused, you ignored it but when the second knock came from your window, you decided to check it out. What you saw made you laugh. JJ was climbing up your wall, a backpack around his shoulders. You were gripping the bones growing from your house to pull himself closer to your window. When he looked up to see you, he smirked.

You opened your window and reached out your hand. He was close enough for you to take it and you pulled him up. You could only get him halfway through the window. Your arm was aching and you had to let him go. It didn't matter because after you let go, he pushed his way through.

Finally, when he got all the way through, you spoke, "Are you alright?"

JJ shrugged. "Only a little internal bleeding."

You rolled your eyes and quickly slapped his shoulders. "What the hell were you thinking? Don't you know how to use the front door?"

JJ laughed. "I thought climbing through your window would make me look cooler."

You shook your head. "It made you look dumber."

JJ dropped his backpack on the floor. "You can never say I didn't almost die for you."

You rolled your eyes. "Now I'm wishing I didn't pull you up."

"Ah," JJ chuckled, bending over and unzipping his backpack. "then you wouldn't have this." He then pulled out a brown bag, waving it in your face.

You quickly grabbed it from him. "What is it?" You answered your own question by opening the brown bag and pulling out Chinese food. Inside were containers of noodles, chicken balls, and rice. Your mouth watered. You felt like you hadn't eaten all day.

JJ chuckled. "Someone's hungry."

You placed the food on your desk, moving your papers and laptop to the side. "That's the only reason I wanted you to come."

You moved across your room to get a second chair for JJ and once you gave it to him, you both sat down to eat.

JJ pulled out the plastic forks and knives and gave one set to you. You took it eagerly and opened up the first container with noodles. You both started to eat.

JJ scoffed at your response. "You only wanted me here so I could bring you food?"

You nodded, your mouth filled with noodles already. Once you swallowed, you spoke. "Of course."

JJ shrugged. "Honestly, I only came here to get laid. I knew Chinese food was the way to your heart."

You scoffed, setting down your fork to slap JJ on the shoulder again.You knew he was joking so you played along. "Asshole. Now you're definitely not getting laid."

JJ rolled his eyes, but said nothing. He shoved another fork of noodles in his mouth and you did the same. You both talked throughout the meal. Whenever your mouths were empty, you responded to each other and spoke. You spoke about so many things. You talked about school, your families and eventually got to the subject of John B. and how he was holding up in Sarah's home. JJ joked about how jealous he was but you knew he was serious. You told him not to worry and one day maybe he'd have a big house like Ward's. He said nothing for a while after that and you knew why. He didn't believe he'd ever get out of the situation he was in now.

You wanted to make him feel better but you didn't know how. So, you kissed him. It was slow and passionate and it made you feel light as a feather. You couldn't believe kissing someone could feel this good.

Once you broke away from each other, JJ spoke first. "I'm guessing one."

You knew this was a way to divert from what you were talking about before but you were still confused. "What?"

"I'm guessing you've only kissed one person." JJ clarified, placing his fork down and reaching up to brush some hair out of your face.

The two of you were still sitting beside each other at your desk but your eyes instinctively made a glance at your bed. Once you looked back at JJ, you answered him. "You're wrong. It's actually two."

JJ snickered. "That's adorable."

You pinched his arm and you smiled when he yelped out in pain. "Ass."

"This is where you ask me." JJ pointed out, his hand resting on your knee.

You rolled your eyes. "I seriously have no idea."

JJ shrugged his shoulders. "It's ten."

You furrowed your brows. That seemed so low. "Ten?" JJ could tell you were confused.

"I don't really kiss many people. Makes me feel weird." JJ shrugged again, picking up his fork and taking the last bite of a chicken ball.

"Weird?" You questioned.

"Yeah," JJ nodded before swallowing and continuing. "I have to really like someone to kiss them."

You blushed, looking away from him. That meant he really liked you because all you had been doing was kissing. Your throat felt so dry. JJ really was making you nervous.

"You really like me?" You asked, looking back at him and leaning forward.

JJ smirked, leaning forward to kiss you quickly. "Yes."

"What was your first kiss like?" You asked, grabbing his hand.

He looked at where your hands touched, then looked back at you. "I was like twelve. It was Kie's cousin visiting from Canada or something. She was my age. I was shitting my pants." JJ smiles as he retells the story. You leaned forward, very interested. "I never thought about girls before that and then we were just goofing around and she asked me if I kissed anyone. I said no and then she just kissed me."

"Aw," You cooed, smiling softly. "That's adorable."

JJ shrugged, smiling. "Not really. The poor girl never talked to me again. Said I had bad breath."

You giggled. "I know what she means."

JJ gasped. "Really?"

Before you had time to react, JJ stood up and leaned on top of you, his hands instantly going to your sides to tickle you. Your legs shut up and you dashed across your room but he soon caught up to you and grabbed a hold of your sides. You screamed in terror and demanded he let you go. He couldn't completely understand you though because you were laughing so hard. You kicked his shin and made a run across your bed but before you could get to your door, he tackled you, pushing you onto your bed.

"JJ!" You laughed, JJ continuing to tickle your side. You kicked and screamed but it was no use, you were stronger.

"Say I'm the best kisser!" He only laughed, loving that you were so ticklish.

"You're the best!" You screamed, laughed hysterically. "Stop!"

Finally he stopped and lay on his back. He was laughing so hard and you were out of breath from the screaming. Once you caught your breath, you turned onto your stomach and let a hand rest on his chest.

"That wasn't funny." You frowned, a smile showing through.

JJ shrugged. "Got you to admit the truth though."

You leaned closer to his face. "Whatever."

JJ instantly closed the gap, kissing your lips. This time, your legs were intertwined as you kissed. JJ's hands cupped your face as you kissed and your hands made their way to his waist. You just lay there, kissing each other. This was so easy. Being with JJ was so easy. You couldn't believe that this is what you were missing. This time, although he tasted like mint, he smelled divine. You didn't know what it was until you parted. Once you did, you realized it was sea salt. Ye smelled like the ocean. Your mom was always telling you that you smelled like the ocean and how bad it was but now, you had found someone who was the same.

This made you want to kiss him again. You never got a chance to because JJ spoke, "what was your first kiss like?"

You smiled, touching your lips. JJ watched you for a moment, smiling at you. Your lips felt as if they were on fire.

"I was like ten and some boy at my summer camp dared me to kiss him. Worst three seconds of my life. Yours was so cute."

JJ smirked, raising his brows. "He dared you to? He must've really liked you."

You shrugged. "I can never turn down a dare."

JJ smirked. "Really?"

You nodded, a mischievous grin on your lips. "Yeah."

"Well then," JJ smirked. "I dare you to kiss me again."

You rolled your eyes. "I would've done it anyways."

And with that, you kissed him again. You don't know how long that kiss lasted because right after that one, JJ kissed you again and again. He kissed you like you guys had all the time in the world. And you felt like you did.

You knew you had all the time in the world to discover this new feeling with JJ.

~

taglist: @dolanfivsosxox @obxrush @bellakellyrose03 @belledutchess @sexualparkour @lueurglow @itsriasblog @maries110911 @ebonyyyy-e @teamnick @tangledinsparkles

[sothatmyocshauntmealittleless]

No time to die - part 1/2

->part 2

author's note: so this is a piece I started writing when I got bored in a family gathering like two years ago, and I rewrote it recently. This is the first part and I haven't finished editing the rest but I estimate that there would be one or two more parts. The story is about two high school friends that meet after five years of having no contact with each other and their confrontation. Also the name is inspired by the song with the same name by Billie Eilish 'cause I was listening to it while writing a part of this and the song really suits the relationship between the characters.

~1800 words

I’m feeling a burning ache in my abdomen, and my mind is full of different scenarios that this could lead to, one worse that the other. What if I call an ambulance? I answer myself within a fraction of a second that it wouldn’t lead to pleasant things though the alternative which is bleeding to death isn’t ideal either. So just when I’ve finally convinced myself to pick up the phone and call an ambulance before I pass out, a name crosses my mind. It’s the best and the worst thing that I can do at the same time, but well sometimes your survival instincts would take over your overthinking abilities, no matter how strong they are. And despite all my hesitation, I know the number by heart.

She picks up the phone after few rings, “Hello?”, I’m a bit thrown off by how her voice is the same but her tone is different from the last time I’ve heard her, “Hi”, my voice shakes and I don’t know if it’s from the injury or hearing her voice again. “Riley? Is that you?”, somehow she could recognize me from just that one word and at least her tone is less formal now. “Yeah it’s me, listen I wanted to ask if you could come here now if you can, but it’s totally fine if you can’t make it.” Maybe it’s the shock of hearing someone from your past, or my shaky voice that she agrees to come without any other questions and I tell her my address in the calmest pace I can.

Until she arrives I spend my time overthinking on how bad of an idea it was to call her, and why would she even bother herself with my problems anymore, like who in their right mind would hurry in the middle of the night to heal someone from their past that they tried so hard to abandon. But careful knocks on the door save me from my thoughts. I open the door and for a moment think that the option of bleeding to death at least could’ve saved me from the awkwardness of this, before I manage to say “Thank you so much for coming, I really didn’t want to trouble you”, she replies “Not that I love getting surprise calls at midnight but what’s the occasion?” and then she takes a look at me with her perfect hazel eyes and sees it, the blood soaking my shirt and says “holy fuck Ri, what did… what happen- it doesn’t matter now”

It takes her only few moments to get into her other sleeve, the doctor she was trained to be, giving orders and analyzing the situation, only stopping once to curse me under her breath that I should’ve told her to bring her medical stuff and that I’m a lucky bastard that she didn’t come totally unprepared. Then her inner doctor takes charge completely. I tell myself maybe outer, you know it’s who she is now, heal first talk later that’s what she does.

“Take your shirt off”, I obey without making a snarky comment because even I can tell it would be inappropriate. I can’t really describe the process of her stitching me up, because I’ve never been a big fan of surgeries to the point I even skip them when they come up in movies, and maybe beside how pain makes everything hazy, I can’t wrap my head around the idea of her hands on me.

When it’s done she gives me some final instructions and tells me to don’t move from where I’m sitting for at least half an hour. Then standing in front of me without taking a step, she looks at her watch and her gaze lingers to the door and I know she’s thinking about leaving, but decides against it, at least for now.

“So are you gonna tell me how this happened?”, she asks gesturing towards my wound that is now stitched and bandaged. I guess I’m too exhausted for anything but the truth so I say “I was working on a case, and it didn’t end well.” She glares at me, “Well I can see that clearly, but how did it turn that way?”, “my client was a small business going to court against a big company, I had some dirty things on them but they weren’t enough proof so I was looking for more and they sent someone to scare me off I think, but um I tried to resist and it escalated quickly and I got a nice killer knife wound.” “It wasn’t fatal,” she says, “What?” I reply a bit shocked, “I said it wasn’t fatal, the knife didn’t go that deep, what? You thought I could fix a fatal cut with couple of stiches?” to that I mumble that I really trust her abilities and she rolls her eyes. I think at this point we’re past the formal greetings and small talks and now that the crisis is over she seems done with my shit so she continues “So you’ve finally fulfilled your dreams and became the woman you’ve always aspired to be, a detective/lawyer hunting down bad guys and giving them what they deserve” she doesn’t even try to hide the bitterness in her voice, and so if we’re going there now, I won’t try to hide it from mine either, “And you’ve became a doctor, a life you have dreamed of from the beginning, never even thinking to be anything else.”

She sighs and drops to the couch in front of me, “So this is the time that you’ve finally decided to talk about it.” It doesn’t sound like a question, more like a statement. Maybe being in pain and exhausted sharpens your edges and makes the things you’ve hidden carefully to snap free because I can’t hold back when I say: “Says the one who just abandoned me overnight and decided to part ways forever without even a heads up.” The thing is I’ve imagined having this conversation so many times in so many different situations, that it actually happening doesn’t feel real, it feels like another one of those fantasies in my head except she is really here now, and my pulse is betraying me by beating so damn fast.

“I didn’t abandon you, If I had you’d still be bleeding.” And a part of me wants to just accept that and move on and embrace her, because I’ve missed her, hell I’ve missed her so much I want to hug her and never let go, and we have a lot to catch up on too, five years worth of memories. Five years that we were no more than outside observers in each other's lives, but the stronger part, the part that’s been hurting ever since wants to have this conversation, needs to have this conversation or else I would never stop imagining it in my head.

“Well maybe our definition of abandonment is a bit different, ‘cause changing your life course and treating me like a stranger and pretending like all our planning and dreaming for future never happened sure as hell fits in mine.”

“I never treated you like a stranger, you were the one who decided to not talk to me and have anything to do with me anymore and cut contact completely”

“Because I couldn’t do it like that anymore, like I was just another one in your new class, as if we didn’t have history, like what we had wasn’t something more. We used to joke about how disconnected we felt from them, not because we hated them because we were different, or at least I thought you were.”

“People change Riley.”

And for a few moments neither of us backfires anything else to the other, and my mind finds time to wonder for the thousandth time why we didn’t even call each other all these years. But well one of the things that made us close at first was how stubborn we were. I remember clearly when there was a debate competition in school and we were a team and crashed the whole thing. Beside our passion for the matter we were unstoppable, to the point that each match ended to the other team being like “dear god just let it go it’s over”, and remembering those days even now in the midst of this makes me a little calmer.

I can’t help but ask, “Was it because I tried to-“ before letting me finish she says “God no, you think I could transfer in a day? And for what? Not everything is about you, or what you do or what you want, I thought five years would be enough time to learn that”, and well I’ve always known that it was a coincidence that those two things happened successively. But deep down I couldn’t shove the idea away that it was all because she wanted to get away from me, that it was my fault and I shouldn’t have done it after all. I know that doubt has led me to be selfish, and to give up on trying to fix it, and to suffer more, and I don’t know how to defend it (or if I even should). Throughout all these years I’ve also imagined getting the answer to this question countless times, and how I’ll finally be at peace if I got this answer, but now I don’t feel relived as much as I wanted to.

“So you thought of me in those years?” I say in a hopeful tone still desperately clenching to this conversation, as if all this could be solved just if we have this talk. “Way to avoid my point right? You haven’t changed a bit, reckless and careless and always holding on to things that don’t matter much to the extent that you nearly got yourself killed,” but she says this in a kinder tone than the previous one, maybe even with a hint of worry in her voice. I finally give up on trying to get this conversation to fix it all, and decide that we’re too tired now, so I reply “I thought you said it wasn’t fatal.” A pause then, “It’s really late, are you going to leave now?” I hope that she can hear the silent ‘stay’ in what I just said. “I don’t think I can get a taxi now, can I? considering the time, and I don’t have the energy to explain all this to someone and wake them to pick me up”, “you can stay if you want?” and for all we’ve been through, I’m relieved when she agrees.

//end of part 1

->part 2

[thechildofstark]

Fuck John Walker (and also some other stuff): A Response To Episode Four

WARNING: some bad language, death mentions, violence mentions, blood mentions, racism, spoilers for for ep 4 of tfatws 

DISCLAMER: I have some Opinions about various characters. These do not extend to the actors, who I’m sure are lovely and should be treated with the dignity, privacy and respect that they deserve. 

“Fuck John Walker” was originally meant to be the subtitle. I decided on it when he screwed up the op for Sam. It got ungraded during the final scene, because nothing else could possibly compare as a necessary title to this post. 

Essentially, some (out of order) thoughts on episode 4:

~*Sam and Bucky, working together*~ (pretend this is a musical jingle)

The contrasting ways that they interacted with the displaced

While the incredibly valid argument can be made that Sam is the least privileged of the group (I’ve made it) it is obvious that he has had the most structured civilian life: approaching the people he comes across openly. Yes, he is polite and calm, but the closest thing to this he has personally come across in the past (that we know of) would be the war vets he worked with and the critical difference is that they wanted to be there. From what I remember of Sam’s groups they didn’t seem to be a sort of mandatory requirement: you came because you chose to. Or at least, you came prepared for the situation. Here, Sam is an outsider and an unwelcome threat. These people are not going to open up to him. 

Bucky is quieter, but still quite straight forward in the way he presents himself. I think he may show a little more care for the environment he is in than Sam but that isn’t saying much. Yes, he has experienced much worse things than Sam but we still see his unfamiliarity with this sort of situation paired with some less than stellar social skills really not working in his favor. 

Look, I love both these 2 to death. But this is not what they know. 

Zemo on the other hand quite likely lived in a place similar to this after his family was murdered. He shows an understanding of how this sort of situation would work, going to children who:

a) wont necessarily peg him as an outsider

b) are bribable

also I think he was genuinely super glad to give those kids that candy and money. He would have been such a good dad. now I have Zemo feels. somebody help me.

The inclusion of the Dora Milaje was incredibly awesome, and not just because I simp for powerful women. Narratively, this was the perfect place for them to join the party and assert their right to apprehend Zemo. 

Bucky speaking Xhosa (i think it was?) is very cool

 I would like to take this moment to formally state that Caption John Walker is a motherfucking asshole. 

It was also really nice to see Sam’s therapist skills, that worked against him earlier really help him here. 

I liked seeing that more human side of Karli, and having her interact with the “enemy” and have serious conversation about what everyone is doing.

Until Captain Insecurity has to destroy the op because he doesn’t trust the people he chose to work with, no one has comms or anything I guess?

Also Walker deferring to Bucky for team decisions over Sam, talking over Sam and acting like he knows better than Sam?

I smell racism in this Chili’s tonight

It was also really interesting to get a more in-depth look at how Zemo views supersoldiers. Nearly all the ones that he has either heard of or interacted with (destroyed) had either volunteered for the serum or were so brainwashed that it didn’t make a difference. These people are a dangerous enemy to be eliminated, alongside people like Dr. Nagel. His entire worldview is focused on their destruction that the idea that one of them could be a normal person is impossible to him. The only exceptions acknowledged are Steve (paragon of saintly virtue) and Bucky. 

And the fact that after his family died and his country devastated he would most likely have fixated on both the Avengers and the “concept” of a superhuman being as something to blame for his loss. His refusal to concede his position to Sam isn’t just arrogance, although that seems to be a part of it, but the fact that he has spent so much time and energy in destroying both the Winter Soldier program and most likely other similar operations, along with the Avengers that this hatred and belief in the danger has most likely become one of his core beliefs. To change this would be to question his vendetta against the Avengers, to question his actions against the Winter Soldier program which he knows was a horrible thing, and to question why he has spent the past seven years in maximum security prison. This isn’t something he is ready to do yet.  

The fact that Bucky is a noted exception is something that stands out to me. Zemo knows that Bucky is a good person, regardless of the serum. 

Bucky is also the only main character (that I can think of) that was injected with the serum against his will. The fact that he didn’t seek it out could quite likely be part of the reason that Zemo doesn’t look down on him for it - it is framed that the sort of person that seeks out that sort of strength/power would be a “supremacist”, someone who would use their abilities to harm and subjugate others.

And while we are at the apartment may I say how funny it is to see Zemo just. Literally being Sam and Bucky’s sugar daddy. He transports them and houses them and makes them fancy tea. It’s possible he’s providing them with clothes. Either way, love it. Cannot wait for the boys to work it out.

Sam and Lemar’s responses to being offered the serum are an interesting juxtaposition to how they view the concept of supersoldiers. They have both experienced hardship and survived war but Sam is the one that has gone up against Gods and monsters and he wants none of that, thank you. 

And Lemar is so comfortable with saying yes because it isn’t actually being offered to him. Walker expresses some hesitation in their discussion because for him, it isn’t hypothetical. This is something real that can and will effect him for the rest of his life and he wants to make the “right decision”.

The return of Erskine’s belief that the serum not only effect the physical but the mental, emotional and (possibly?) spiritual. This isn’t something that’s really been touched on outside of The First Avenger and I liked that it turned up here. But the fact that it was the reason Walker felt comfortable taking the serum? Eww

The Dora Milaje kicking names and taking ass is super awesome. They are so incredibly skilled and have such amazing teamwork and are also super beautiful I love them 

Sam and Bucky just. Watching. Enjoying the show. Absolute kings. 

Zemo being the sneaky little sneak that he is :)

One one hand, Bucky losing his arm in the fight was very awesome. One the other hand, he has a long history of complicated bodily autonomy in relation to that arm so........  Neutral opinion it is then 

Karli, honey, I really want to like you but can you please keep the mans family out of it. Okay?

And another thing that this show made me think about: kids left to fend for themselves after the Blip (uuuurrrggh it hate calling it that. stupid canonical name). I think it’s good that at least some people took it on themselves to take these children in, to give them good lives and families.

The way that Sam has incorporated his wings into his combat style is very cool

Okie dokie can’t avoid it forever lets get this over with. 

LEMAR MY BEAUTIFUL SON NOOOO

those fuckers (the writers i mean)

Side note: did they really have to make the first main character death of the series a Black “sidekick” character? No. No they did not. 

Side side note: I understand that this is a perfectly valid way (ew) to “advance the plot” but I can and will be annoyed about it

And now we really get into the shit. But...........................

As much as I absolutely unequivocally hate John Walker I actually like the thematic parallels of how they did this. All throughout The First Avenger Steve is adamant on how he doesn’t want to hurt anyone, he just wants to stand up to the bullies. It’s only after Bucky dies that he says he wants to kill all the Nazis and really get into the horror of it all. The fact that John, who has absolutely been on the edge for the entire episode if not longer, only loses it after Lemar dies?

Because Lemar is arguably meant to be that stand-in for Bucky in the eyes of the public, and they are obviously close friends..........

Just - 

I feel I may have accidentally been slightly nicer than I planned to Walker in this post. I’m not sure how I feel about that. 

But C****** J*** W****** is NOT Captain America. Up until now I’ve been calling him “Fake Cap” in my head and to my family, but he doesn’t even deserve that honor. 

And the blood on the Shield. Dear god that was horrible. 

And the fact that, as it was pointed out in this very episode, this man fully represents everything that is Captain America, to the world. He isn’t only tarnishing his own legacy, he is also destroying Steve’s. And to some extent, Bucky’s. The whole reason that Bucky Barnes is considered a “Superhero” is because, at least in America he is known as “Cap’s Best Friend”. He was marketed that way for over half a century, and after the whole “Winter Solder” thing, goodwill or no, brainwashing or no, this could end very ugly for him. Not to mention that Steve Rogers is most likely to be forgotten to history in favor of this freak. 

And on that note, where the fuck is Steve? This is set only 6 months after Endgame, if he had died we would know. So what the hell is he doing? Because I know he got perpetual brainrot going back in time to be str8 and boring but dear god if the show tries to tell me that he’s just chilling in some senior’s center in Alaska I will actually call bullshit. Steve Rogers would never. Okay this is a whole separate post on my thought on Steve. Watch this space I guess. 

And while we’re all here, Bucky Barnes needs a goddamn boyfriend. I’ve done some thinking, and here is a compiled shortlist: 

Sam

Zemo

De-aged Steve (he would be higher but I’m still mad at him for the whole “vanishing without a word to relive Jim Crow and the Lavender Scare. :/ )

IN THAT ORDER. 

That’s all folks. 

Feel free to send me asks if you want clarification or extra details on anything. 

And finally - 

the thing we all came to see:

FUCK

JOHN 

WALKER

fin

[singeramg]

Congratulations on your 500 followers! I would like to make a request for 9 .“Just don’t break anything…again!” with Henry. Thank you!

Hey world! Sorry I’ve been a bit MIA when it comes to writing, or at least posting! Don’t worry continuations of my WIP’s are coming but I also wanted to challenge myself to break my mold of writing and try to have a little fun. Also I wanted to show my appreciation of all of you and your support of what I do!

So to anon this is something from my Fluff! Henry collection! I hope you enjoy it as much as I had fun with it!

Title: Lava and Kids Don’t Mix

Characters: Dad!Henry Cavill x Female Reader

Prompt: “Just Don’t Break Anything...Again!”

Rating: G!

Warning: None, just fluff, mention of injury, and a slightly broody Cavill man.

MasterList for more fun!

Henry Cavill was in a panic. 

You only had one rule before you left to spend the day with his mother. Leaving him in charge of your two 5 year old  twin boys Mitchell and Michael for the day. He was supposed to keep it simple, take the boys to the park with Kal and your 2 year old Jack Terrier Russell Sandy. You knew the boys would run off all access energy at the park and after they ate the soup and sandwiches you made for all of them before you left, they would down for their nap, and you would be home and starting dinner just after they woke up.

Simple plan right?

Right?

Wrong.

Needless to say things didn’t anyways go to plan in the Cavill household when dealing with two rambunctious twins that looked and acted like their father and two dogs, and also an unexpected rainstorm that shortened the park trip that saw the Cavill men playing the floor is lava, while Henry warmed up the soup in the kitchen. Ignoring the roughhousing like he tended to do when you weren’t around because he grew up with four brothers and “boys will be boys.” Of course Mitchell managed to miss the couch cushions he was supposed to land on, and landed on his left arm and on top of his brother. The subsequent scream of pain sent Henry flying from the kitchen, and to his horror found two crying kids on the floor. One holding his arm hollering and the other reeling from his brother landing halfway on him, therefore he was crying too. Henry runs back to the stove switching it off and then running back over to his children which now had a dog sniffing at their faces. Henry picks up Michael first sitting him on the couch and his whimpers are already settling down but Mitchell was still hollering and holding his arm.

“Oh no.”

Henry picks up Michell off the floor who curls into his father's side.

“Mitchell can I see your arm?”

Slowly; the still whimpering child lifts his arm, and the second Henry delicately touches the arm, it sends Mitchell into a scream of pain and fresh tears.

Oh dear.

He notes the boy’s arm has begun to swell and is awfully red. He carries him into the kitchen and puts a ice pack on it and knows he is going to have to take him to the hospital.

In the biggest rush known to man he gathers the twins and puts an SOS to you. Tossing things around the house until he located his wallet, and keys, just avoiding a vase on the table, that you loved. His son hollers louder held in his arms.

You were going to kill him.

You literally left the house with a  “ Just don’t break anything again” as a joke but now it looked like it was coming true...

*Hospital*

The small group was ushered back fairly quickly into a room and for once Henry was slightly glad of his celebrity when it came to his family. He often was irritated when he found intrusive photographs of his family plastered all over the web but this time one look at his license had gotten them into a private room and waiting for Mitch to come back from X-rays. He had called you on the way to the hospital, but you didn’t answer so he left a message and tried his mother with the same result. He had tried a few times but he knew coverage could be spotty and he wasn’t exactly sure of what his mother planned for you. He knew you would feel terrible about not answering not to mention he hated putting you through undo stress because you were carrying the third child of the Cavill brood. That had been the only reason you even went today was to get a breather without a five year old pulling at your skirts, especially since he had just gotten back from filming just over a week ago.

Yep. You just might kill him…

At least he thought. He always worried as a father about his children and where you were concerned he wanted to be everything he couldn’t be when he was away filming. You were such a wonderful mother and he just wanted to match what you did for the family. This was not it.

 Mike is sleepily resting on Henry’s arm as his brief stint with crying had left him knackered. Henry happens to look down at the arm that Mitchell landed on and noticed he is starting to bruise over his arm. Henry is just beginning to look over his sons arm for the extent of the damage when simultaneously while he was touching Mike’s forearm ; there is a similar spot to his brother’s just on the opposite arm that is red and swollen and soon as he touches it gently, Mike cries out; waking up from his sleep, and also you walk in the door.

Alarmed to find one of her sons crying. Mike notices you almost instantly, crying and running over to you.

“Oh my little man what’s the matter?”

“Daddy hurt my arm!” The young boy calls out and wants the comfort of your arms but of course you couldn’t lift him. Normally you would get onto him about that, but that could be saved for later. Besides he was child so his thoughts would be more literal meaning that Henry must have touched his arm or something. 

You lean down as best you could with your 6 month stomach which was reaching the point of cumbersome, but not making you totally immobile as it did with the twins at this point, squatting so you are eye level with him and he wraps himself around you, letting you gently lift his arm. He starts hollering at your slight touch coming further into the room with his mother and father close behind.

You only had one rule really when you left the house this morning and that was for Henry not to break anything...again! However considering you had known whatever happened in your way here, this was a mistake.

The last time you left them alone for an extended amount of time the TV had been broken during a game of catch that you had already told them not to play in the house the night before you went out for the Bridal Shower.

Needless to say you hadn’t been happy with the situation at the time and it was a material thing that could be replaced. Now here you were coming to a hospital cradling one child while the other...wait...where was Mitchell?

“Daddy hurt your arm? I think that may not be the whole truth but it’s okay we can deal with it later. Okay well let’s see if we can get a really nice doctor to take a look at it and I’ll talk to Daddy.”

You say comforting him and pretending to be mad at Henry who honestly already looks wrecked about whatever had happened between the time that you left and now. You press the call button and someone comes in almost immediately which notoriously did not happen; but you weren’t complaining. You asked for them to take a look at Mike as well. They agreed without much problem and after creating a little band for his wrist they agreed to X-ray him and gave him something for his pain.

You waddle over to the chair next to Henry who actually picks up Mike and lets him sit on his lap. He says his hellos to his parents who know the look of exhaustion and being resigned to fate way too well. They take seats as well.

“So where’s the other half of our set?”

You mildly joke.

“He should be back any moment; they’ve taken him to get an X-Ray.”

At that moment a wheel chair appears with a sleepy child in it, his blue eyes drifting in and out of lucidness.

“Moooommmmmmy!!!!”

He says but his voice is dragging indicating they had given him something to ease the pain. You let the nurse help him into bed and go over to him while Henry’s parents take over for comforting Mike.

“Hi baby. How’s your arm?”

“It was hurt-ed momma but it’s not anymore. I feels weird. I sleepy.”

You push back his riotous, dark curls with a soft hand.

“Okay baby go to sleep; Daddy and mommy will be here when you wake up.”

He drifts off and the nurse comes to take Mike for his X-Ray and with the alert child gone; a worried grandfather in tow to watch over him and the other sleeping, you sit back down with a sore back and a smile.

“So what really happened in the couple of hours I was gone.”

Henry looks sheepish; and rubs the back of his neck., his natural curls smushing under his fingers.

“Well we went to the park, but the rain washed us out earlier than intended. So we went back to the house and I cut on a movie, but the boys were playing and the floor was lava and the next thing I heard was a scream...”

“Wait...’the floor is lava’?”

“Yes. Our floors are made of lava and seeing as you can’t touch lava it meant jumping around while I warmed up lunch.”

You sigh but one look at the giant puppy that was your husband, you knew he honestly couldn’t feel any worse than what was happening right now. You were just glad no one had head injuries or irreversible damage. You absently rub your stomach and place a hand on a broad shoulder.

“I feel terrible Y/N. I didn’t think a little rough housing would come to this. My brothers and I had injuries but it was usually from tossing each other around and Rugby. Somehow we managed to avoid the hospital due to our roughhousing.”

You sit up and kiss your husband on the cheek. Henry was an internalizer, so you knew if he looked this upset right now then he felt 100 times worse inside.

“Things happen baby it will be okay. If it makes you feel any better they would have created an even more perilous game. They like to invent new ways to make me tear out my hair.”

The room laughs;

“They don’t normally end up in the emergency room when they are with you...or do they?”

He asks and you laugh shaking your head.

“No, but I’ve had a few close calls that made me question whose bright idea was it to have multiple children at the same time. They can be a handful individually. Babe, don’t beat yourself up about it.”

You rub at his shoulder as a comfort. Henry accepts it and caresses the top with his own. Soon Mike is in a similar state as his brother and they got him in a bed next to him. With both of them unconscious the doctor comes back in with X-ray reports that says both of them have a broken arm.

You sigh and Henry looks devastated and you only shake your head knowing the twins never did anything by the half’s nor did they ever do anything alone.

“I guess the Cavill men don’t do anything by the half huh. I asked all of them not to break anything and they managed it times two.”

A/N: This was meant to be fluff about a peak in the life of Henry Cavill with Children. 

More celebration prompt fics will be posted when I wake up in the am because after work today I just do not have it in me to edit anything else tonight, but I hope you enjoyed this for what it is.

TAGLIST: (OPEN)

Henry tag list

@msblkfire84 @magdelen69 @peeyewpeeyew @agniavateira @fcgrizi @diehadess @mary-ann84 @snowbellexx @tearsontape13 @tvdplusriverdale @p3nny4urth0ught5 @laxgirl1799 @crazymexicanfangirl @iloveyouyen @oddduckthatgirl @pinkcollectorparadiseblr @sweetybuzz25 @normatural

[punkscowardschampions]

Rio & Buster

Rio: I found out who my stalker is

Buster: So tell me

Rio: Lexie

Buster: You’re sure?

Rio: Oh yeah

Rio: [show the texts from ‘Lexie’]

Buster: Jesus Christ

Rio: She kept denying it

Rio: despite the fact she literally sent that text whilst we’re all out together

Rio: Why? Why would she do this, I don’t get it

Buster: Are the denials all she said?

Rio: Yeah, she said she didn’t even send that text, like, how fucking stupid does she think I am

Rio: Oh my God

Buster: How stupid is she, you mean, or how up herself that she reckons you’ll believe she’s important enough to be the centre of a bullshit plot to frame her for something she didn’t do

Rio: Seriously

Rio: I trusted her, that’s what I can’t get my head around

Rio: this has been going on for years now

Rio: why’d she decide to out herself now, because that’s what it is

Rio: she wanted to get caught so why is she denying it still

Buster: You were friends for those years, ‘course you trusted her, she didn’t give you any reason not to, me either when I’ve been around her and I’ve been surrounded by untrustworthy cunts for nearly as long

Buster: It doesn't make sense that she wouldn’t just own it, like, but maybe we can make the timing fit at least, what’s been happening before tonight? Talk me through it

Rio: I mentioned before, that she said someone was fucking with her, making weird online stuff but also being around her house and everything

Rio: She started saying that when Liam and Edie got together, so we thought it might’ve been related to that

Rio: Maybe she thought I was onto her… Because I told her about my situation, she could have thought I was letting her know I knew

Rio: When in reality I had no fucking clue

Buster: And she obviously needed help to keep it going if you were, hence the message

Rio: You don’t think other people were involved, do you?

Buster: It would be a reason to keep denying everything if she was protecting someone else, but I don’t know why she wouldn’t be contacting them instead to throw you off, what would be the need to try and recruit yet another person?

Rio: so I can’t trust any of my friends actually, great

Rio: none of this makes sense, she has no reason to do this unless she’s just hated me this whole time

Rio: which again, is a really nice thought

Buster: You can trust me

Buster: but yeah, it’s fucked, and I’d feel better if you came here until we can work out if any more of your friends are involved or if this is actually over now

Rio: I can’t, schools about to start

Rio: she can’t do anything now

Rio: I know it’s her

Buster: She could get someone else to do something, if her move is gonna be to keep acting like she’s innocent, and she reckons that’ll prove it

Buster: Come on, we can easily sort school, get them to send your work for you or whatever, they’d do it if you were sick

Rio: What have I done to deserve this

Buster: Baby, don’t

Buster: you know it’s nothing you’ve done

Rio: This doesn’t just happen to anyone

Rio: something I did or do or represent to them has made them do this

Buster: It can, you’ve read everything I have, total strangers see someone in a park and decide to stalk them based off of literally nothing, it’s not your fault Rio and it never has been

Buster: shit’s been happening ‘cause Lexie caused it, not you, she decided to do this years ago for reasons we might never fucking get, but regardless of what they are, you don’t deserve any of it

Rio: but she isn’t a stranger

Rio: that’s best-case scenario and that isn’t what this is

Rio: she was a friend

Rio: I should’ve known

Buster: It doesn’t mean her answers would make any more sense than someone’s off the street, there’s a chance it’s a long held jealousy of how beautiful and kind and loved you are, but there’s equal odds it wasn’t that deep and she was having fun with it

Buster: She wasn’t your friend, but you’re not in the wrong for not knowing something unknowably fucked, you’ve always seen the best in people and her exploiting that is the worst-case scenario possible, not something you should just be able to predict

Rio: I’m not

Rio: I’m a fucking joke and everyone thinks it

Rio: that’s all this has proved

Rio: because it wasn’t fun for me

Buster: Fuck anyone who thinks that, all this has proved is she’s cracked

Rio: I can’t do this no more I swear

Rio: If I just stop it all, then they will

Buster: Get on the flight I’m booking you, you don’t have to do anything else after, I’ll make how this feels stop and deal with it if you wanna go back for the start of school, but until then, I can take care of you and you’ll be safe

Rio: I can’t

Rio: It isn’t even my night, it was meant to be about Edie and she’s ruined it and now I have to fix it

Buster: Edie’ll be letting her boyfriend fix it, you don’t need to take that on as well

Rio: That won’t help my relationship with her, if I just run away and do nothing

Buster: Long as you don’t throw your phone into the sea you ain’t running away or doing nothing, like you said, summer’s basically over, how much do you reckon you’ll see her while she’s out making the most of what’s left

Rio: you’ve still not forgiven Nancy for leaving

Rio: it would be the same

Buster: It’s not even close, you’d be going back, and giving a shit while you were here

Rio: because give it a week and it’ll all blow over?

Rio: it’s been too long to keep kidding ourselves like that

Rio: I need actual solutions, to actually do something

Buster: That ain’t fair or how it is, taking some time to see if any more of your friends come out of the woodwork as stalkers is working towards a solution, not to mention giving yourself some space, and me the opportunity, to help you deal with the fact one of them already has doesn’t make either of us the bad guy

Rio: Liam’s going to help

Rio: and I’ve said I’ll take them out to apologize

Buster: You didn’t ruin Edie’s night, you’ve got fuck all to apologise for

Rio: How would you know, you aren’t here

Rio: She didn’t even invite me herself, then I invite a load of people including Lexie who make it all about themselves and this bullshit, of course I ruined her night

Buster: You invited loads of your friends so there’d be a big crowd to support her, I don’t have to be there to know that, I know you

Rio: yeah but it backfired so it doesn’t matter what I was trying to do

Buster: ‘Course it does, Edie’s not stupid, she’ll get what you were trying to do

Rio: It’s not that simple

Buster: Nothing’s gonna be if you keep overthinking it

Rio: Overthinking, yeah

Buster: Edie’ll be fine, will you?

Rio: I’m not fine but you basically telling me to calm down isn’t helping

Buster: Why would I tell you to do anything when you’re not listening to a word I say

Rio: It’s like you believe her

Rio: just because she says it isn’t her, doesn’t mean it isn’t

Rio: it could be over, why do you have to make it so all my friends are now in on it

Buster: Yeah, it could be over and I’d still want you here, ‘cause like you fucking had to remind me I wasn’t there tonight

Rio: It’s just my life here is the life that’s fucked

Rio: I could go to yours and ignore everyone and everything and pretend everything’s perfect but where is that getting me

Buster: With me, but okay, I’ll get on the plane then

Rio: I’m not going to be any fun

Rio: if that wasn’t apparent

Buster: I don’t stop loving you when it stops being fun, in case that wasn’t apparent

Rio: It makes my skin crawl, how close she’s been this whole time

Buster: I know, babe

Buster: if it was a lad I could’ve killed ‘em, I’m fucking useless with how this has played out

Rio: A lad would’ve been easier for me too

Rio: at least I’d know why

Buster: Can you remember fuck all about what she was like when it started?

Rio: It was so long ago

Rio: Hang on

Rio: that might actually be a lead

Buster: What might?

Rio: She was going out with Liam

Buster: It’s not a coincidence, like, it can’t be, this was Edie’s night and now you blame yourself for it being ruined

Rio: but if she still likes him, why not stalk him this whole time

Rio: maybe it isn’t just her after-all

Buster: You said he was gonna help, yeah? Maybe she knew she’d get caught by him if she did

Rio: It kind of makes sense but something’s missing because it also doesn’t

Rio: It’s not like I’ve been dating him, or have been super close this whole time

Rio: it’s worth mentioning though, to Liam, definitely

Buster: Or maybe it’s just that she knew hurting Edie would hurt you and it is more about you for whatever reason, but obviously hurting her is then an added bonus if she’s still remotely bothered about Liam, ‘cause none of us saw the two of them going out coming, so she wouldn’t have reckoned on it either

Rio: That’s what I figured

Rio: what the fuck though

Rio: Poor Liam

Buster: At least she can’t have had fuck all to with how they met, that’d worry me if there was any chance of her getting them together to break them up

Rio: Oh God, don’t

Rio: that would be horrific

Buster: She could’ve been warning other girls off this whole time and we wouldn’t know, you said he’d not been out with anyone else

Rio: That’s not all he said though

Rio: he’s definitely not working with Lexie

Buster: What did he say?

Rio: that she was lowkey pressuring him back then

Rio: not to like, really bad extents by the sounds of but it isn’t great

Rio: and I’d know if they were secretly a thing this whole time, she was still posing as my friend even if she wasn’t, we spent way too much time together for that to go unnoticed

Buster: Fucking hell

Rio: His sister had just died, basically

Rio: I did tell her it was a bad idea, in the politest way

Buster: So alright, you were against it and you were right, it’s a fucking stupid reason to turn on you, but if she’s obsessed with him and she’s that fucked up, who knows

Buster: why not try and get back with him before Edie was in the picture though?

Rio: I honestly can’t recall her mentioning him since

Rio: like surely that obsession would come out at least slightly

Rio: He’s cute and she wanted to but the impression I always got was it was never that deep for her

Rio: again why I said it wasn’t good timing for it

Buster: We hid how we felt about each other for years, we both know it’s possible, babe

Rio: Okay, true

Rio: but what are her stakes

Rio: there’s no reason she needs to hide it, bar the fact he doesn’t like her back, but if she’s tapped enough to stalk me she’d be tapped enough to ignore that fact

Buster: That’s one of the holes in the theory

Rio: yeah, it doesn’t work

Rio: which means it probably isn’t over

Rio: but it was nice believing that for a minute there

Buster: It could still be over, we don’t need a reason why it started for that, she got caught and you know it’s her

Rio: maybe it’s all coincidence

Rio: I don’t fucking know anymore

Buster: We also don’t need to solve this tonight, whether it’s over or not

Buster: you’re allowed a break, to take a breath, like, that’s what I’ve been saying

Rio: But I want it to be over, not to breathe

Rio: I’m sick of this being my life

Buster: 'Course you do, but I know better by now than to promise anything relating to this

Rio: I’m not going to apologize

Buster: Good, don't, it ain't your fault

Rio: I’m gonna get blackout

Buster: If you aren't sure you can trust your friends, maybe it's not the best idea

Rio: 🙄

Buster: I'm just saying, stop before you put yourself in blatant danger, I ain't gonna apologise for it

Rio: I’m not stupid

Buster: I'm not calling you stupid, Rio

Rio: Just implying it, yeah

Buster: Implying you'll regret it, that's it

Rio: I won’t

Rio: this night can’t get any worse

Buster: Yeah you will, same goes for any other decision you make when you're this upset

Rio: Fuck’s sake

Buster: Fuck it, I can be there before you blackout

Rio: Thanks for believing in me in this one instant

Buster: I mean it, do it if it'll make you feel better, I won't let the night get any worse

Rio: You can’t come here that short notice

Buster: I can do whatever I want, it's too short notice for anybody to stop me

Rio: You don’t need to

Rio: don’t only come because you think I’m a mess

Buster: You’re not a mess, you've been dealing with this bullshit for years, getting pissed now it's over is the least you deserve

Rio: Some celebration

Rio: fuck her for making me look this pathetic

Buster: Fuck her for all of it, she can't hurt you anymore though, I'll celebrate that

Rio: Be my guest, babe

Buster: Got a flight to catch first

Rio: That’s the appeal of airports

Rio: duty-free and being able to drink at any time

Buster: Not before, if I get

blackout too they ain't letting me on

Rio: and who are you that you suddenly can’t handle your liquor

Buster: Who are you that you reckon anyone could make you look pathetic

Rio: I don’t know anymore

Rio: if all my ‘friends’ are in on this then that’s who I am

Buster: If, and it's only an if, any of them are involved, it changes who they are, not you

Rio: You know that’s bullshit

Rio: everyone’s been laughing behind my back if that’s the case

Rio: and that’s worse than the people who just do it openly

Rio: I know about that, I can handle that

Buster: I know you and exactly what you can handle, you're the one forgetting

Rio: I just feel exactly how everyone says they want you to feel

Rio: alone and to blame and like I need to change everything about my life to make this stop

Buster: But you're not and you don't

Buster: You've been there for me during every shitty thing that's ever happened and not let me give up, but not in the bullshit 'grin and bear it, you fucking pussy' way my parents do, instead it's 'cause you remind me why it's worth keeping going

Buster: I can do the same for you, I will, I swear

Rio: Is it always going to be like this for us

Buster: No baby, it's not

Buster: We're gonna get everything we want

Rio: Promise

Buster: Whatever it takes, I promise

Buster: We've come this far, but we both know it ain't far enough yet

Rio: It’s like

Rio: it’s so hard

Rio: and then you’re never here

Rio: so it’s like, what’s even the point

Rio: and you know I know what the point is, obviously

Rio: but it feels like all we do is put in the hard work for none of the reward

Rio: you feel it too, I know you do

Buster: You're the reward, I'll put up with years of shit to spend a second with you, I already have

Buster: I'm not gonna act like it's not hard, 'course it is, but I'll take having to struggle with you now over coasting with cunts who don't matter ' cause soon we won't have to and I'll always be there

Rio: I know

Rio: I know, I’m just sick of everything tonight

Rio: it’ll be better in the morning

Buster: What can I do? Fuck

waiting until the AM

Rio: Just distract me

Buster: [call her and do that please sir]

Rio: Thank you

Rio: I’m sorry for being bratty earlier

Rio: I think I’m actually processing it now

Rio: 🤞

Buster: Don't be, I can handle it

Rio: I don’t want to be something you have to handle

Rio: not in that way anyway

Buster: I don't want you to think you have to act a specific type of way just to please me, especially if it's the opposite to how you actually feel

Rio: Alright, don’t be so mature and show me up 😜

Buster: Alright, if that's the roleplay we're doing, babe

Rio: We can try but I have a feeling I’m too 👸 for that role reversal

Buster: Tell me about Edie then, I've never seen her perform

Rio: You’ll have to

Rio: She’s like, properly good

Rio: at all of it, not just being able to sing but to put it all together and perform it and have a presence

Rio: but I’m not surprised, even though it was 🤯

Rio: she’s always been amazing at everything she’s wanted to do

Buster: None of that surprises me either, but yeah, I've obviously gotta see it for myself

Rio: How long are you going to stay, actually

Buster: At least until school starts

Rio: Good, then you can come out with us

Rio: I said I would

Rio: it’ll be less awkward as 4

Buster: Cheers, I'm sure it won't be awkward making small talk with him about whatever weird shit he likes

Rio: You haven’t even met him yet

Rio: he’s actually really nice

Buster: I've met Edie and you already told me they had loads in common

Rio: Don’t be mean

Buster: I ain't

Rio: you don’t have to come

Buster: Come on

Rio: Be nicer than this then, please

Rio: I’m building bridges not burning ‘em down 🙄😏

Buster: Since you said please

Rio: You know I’ll be nicer to you if you behave so do it, yeah

Buster: You make me and I make you, deal

Rio: That is the deal, always

Buster: And have I ever let you down

Rio: Never

Buster: Alright then

Rio: I love you

Buster: I love you

Rio: What are the chances of Edie being nice to you, do you reckon 😕

Buster: She can be as big of a cunt to me as she wants, as long as she’s nice to you

Rio: Don’t bet on it but I’m trying

Buster: I know, and I’ll reward you for your efforts even if they don’t

Rio: Yeah? 🥰🤤

Rio: I think he actually encourages her to not just totally ignore me

Rio: He invited me tonight, like

Rio: so that’s good

Buster: Yeah

Buster: He’s actually a good influence? I wouldn’t have bet on her going for someone like that

Rio: Are you staying over or are you getting a room?

Rio: Trust me, no one is more surprised

Rio: He doesn’t even have a tattoo, let alone a face one

Rio: well, I don’t THINK he does

Buster: Do you want me to stay over or do you want somewhere you can escape to?

Buster: Okay, you can stop thinking about him if you don’t want me to fight him, like

Rio: You can stay over

Rio: Baby 😏

Buster: Tell me you miss me and I’ll forgive you

Rio: I do miss you

Rio: a lot

Buster: If you’re gonna think about possible tattoos they should be on me

Rio: not on your beautiful face though 🥺

Buster: So where?

Rio: hm, that is fun to think about

Rio: you’d look good with a tattoo anywhere because your body is perfect

Buster: What you really need to ask yourself is if you want everyone else to be able to see it or you don’t, and that probably depends what it is, ‘cause your name, ‘course you would

Rio: To start with

Rio: When you’ve got used to the pain of it we’ll go for the full portrait moment 😉

Rio: Would you really get my name tattooed on you daddy?

Buster: To start with, leave a mark where you think your name might look good, and by the time I have to leave either your mouth or nails are bound to have found the perfect place for your name to go

Buster: It's not gonna hurt even if you decide you wanna claim my entire body by inking those 3 letters everywhere over and over again, but you know I'd still do it if it did, yeah?

Buster: I'll do anything for you, baby

Rio: Did I mention how much I’ve missed you?

Rio: Stay forever

Buster: Say it again or add a please to how long you'd like me to stay, I'd be happy to hear either

Rio: Everything is right when you’re here

Rio: I can handle anything when I’ve got you to look after me

Rio: Please come home to me

Buster: I'm on my way, I'll be home really soon

Rio: Good

Rio: I need you

Rio: Now

Buster: I've missed you a lot too, obviously I'm not glad this is why, but I'm glad I'm coming back

Rio: I can’t wait til you’re here for uni

Rio: And we can have our own place

Buster: It's the only scenario with a big enough incentive to tempt me away from you any time remotely close to the start of term

Rio: We’ve come this far

Rio: Not long now in comparison

Buster: Exactly

Rio: Still

Rio: It made me sad, seeing them all loved up

Rio: Sad for me, obviously, not them

Buster: I don't think PDA will get Edie on my good side but I'm willing to take the risk to cheer you up

Rio: It definitely won’t

Rio: I’m honestly not expecting her to agree but Liam seemed to think so and he’s got a better chance than me so

Rio: we’ll see

Buster: They've gone, yeah? You can have it all when I show up there instead

Rio: Yeah, they’re gone

Rio: idk where

Rio: Lexie better not still be here

Buster: All tonight has proved is we have no proper idea if she is or isn’t that fucking stupid, like

Rio: She’s just lucky Edie was here

Rio: or it would’ve gone down different

Buster: I’m sure she factored that into her reasons for doing it tonight

Rio: Probably

Rio: There was a time when I’d have to hold her back

Buster: Don’t think about what it used to be like, you’ll drive yourself mad

Rio: yeah

Buster: Have another drink or request a song you’d wanna dance to

Rio: okay

Rio: that’s a good idea

Buster: I don’t have bad ones

Rio: Debatable 😏

Buster: A debate you’d lose if you were taking that side

Rio: I didn’t say I was

Rio: but everyone else is going to point out you just left

Buster: Everyone else can say and think whatever they like

Rio: Schools not started, no one can be mad anyway

Buster: And if it had I’m so far ahead of every other cunt I could tell my teachers it’s an act of charity to give some of ‘em a fighting chance of keeping up

Rio: You’re such a nightmare

Rio: If I didn’t love you you would do my head in

Buster: That ain’t what’s going on when I’m in your dreams and how hard I work is one of the things you love about me

Rio: Both true

Rio: but you’re so

Rio: you don’t need to put them down to look good so why do it?

Buster: They’re where they put themselves, it’s their own fault it’s so far below where I happen to be ranked, I’m just stating the facts

Rio: Good thing I opted for the drink 🙄

Buster: Come on

Rio: Just stop

Buster: Stop what?

Rio: Annoying me

Buster: Why are you getting annoyed about this? You know what it’s like

Rio: Yeah, I know what it’s like

Rio: I don’t think us being like this is helping us though

Buster: Alright, well what do you think would help us?

Rio: I think we have to try harder

Rio: here, where we are rn

Buster: Okay

Rio: Come on

Rio: it would make everything better

Rio: easier

Buster: I said okay, I can always try harder

Rio: You shouldn’t come then

Rio: Stay there

Buster: I’m already coming

Rio: then that’s it yeah

Buster: I can’t turn a plane round

Rio: so come this time and then we’ll take a break

Buster: What the fuck, Rio

Rio: It’s fine it’ll be fine

Buster: It’s not fine, what the fuck are you talking about?

Rio: It can be

Rio: It’s what we need to do for now

Buster: Don’t

Rio: Don’t make it a big deal, we’ve done it before

Buster: Don’t act like it wasn’t a big deal before, that it isn’t always

Buster: You said you need me and I make everything better by being there, we’re doing what we have to do already, right now, it’s this

Rio: Only when you’re here

Rio: then it’s back to how it always is

Rio: I need to focus on that bit

Buster: I’m part of that bit as well, you don’t need to push me out of it as if I’m not

Rio: You aren’t

Rio: we don’t live in the same place, that’s just how it is

Rio: our day to day needs to be better than this

Buster: Bullshit, just say what you actually mean, you think you can fix things with Edie and the others by taking a break from me

Rio: What’s wrong with that?

Buster: It’s only gonna last as long as the break does, as soon as you get back with me you’re back to square one with them

Rio: You’re saying that, not me

Buster: We made our choice, knowing what was gonna happen

Rio: No, I did not decide everyone was going to hate me forever

Buster: You don’t get to decide how everyone feels about it

Rio: I know that

Rio: It doesn’t mean I have to accept losing them and not work at it

Buster: We should be working together

Rio: How do you reckon that’s going to work

Buster: How do you reckon your plan is?

Rio: Their problem is with us, get that out of the way and I can fix the relationships between me and them, make them stronger

Buster: To break them again, ‘cause the problems they have with us will still be there and come back when I do, so unless it’s over forever, what’s the point?

Rio: The point is I’m not going to give up

Rio: I don’t know why you think I would

Buster: Not on them, just on me

Rio: No

Buster: Yeah, it came down to me or them for some of them and you chose, but you regret it now, so this is you rolling the dice again

Rio: I’m not being forced to choose by you or them

Buster: Then don’t

Rio: I’m not, I’ve said

Rio: you’re making it something it’s not

Buster: You’re making it either/or

Rio: I just said let’s take a break so I can fix my fucking life

Rio: Christ

Buster: You can’t fix anything by putting yourself last all the time, they have to at least try and meet you some of the fucking way

Rio: You just said I can’t change how they feel about it, so no, that’s not gonna happen

Buster: Have your break then, I’ll go home and wait out there until I can get the first flight back tomorrow

Rio: Alright

Rio: I’ll pay you back

Buster: I don’t want or need you to

Rio: Well you should let me

Rio: it’s been a waste

Buster: The cost is irrelevant

Rio: Suit yourself

Buster: Worry about what you’re meant to be focusing on

Rio: Doesn’t mean I don’t care at all

Buster: You’ve just saved me loads of money on future flights so

Rio: Not about the money, apparently but yeah, guess so

Buster: It is for you, obviously, otherwise you wouldn’t still be going on about it

Rio: Whatever then

Rio: you should go see your sister, whilst you’re here

Buster: I doubt she’ll fit me in while I am, she needs at least 2 weeks notice to come up with a believable excuse not to, so I’ll probably get left on read

Rio: It’ll make it worthwhile for you too

Rio: why give the opportunity, you know where she’ll be

Buster: And I know she wants me around even less than you do

Rio: So

Rio: what do you want

Buster: Fuck all from Nance

Rio: So don’t blame her

Buster: You’re saying that I do, not me

Rio: You just said she doesn’t want to see you, you don’t want to see her, that’s the bit you know for sure

Buster: I said I don’t want anything from her, ‘cause there’s no point you and me both kidding ourselves

Rio: Fuck off

Buster: I am

Rio: Good

Buster: You wish that was how it felt, yeah, and I’m trying as hard as I can to make that happen for you, babe

Rio: Thanks so much

Buster: Anything, I said

Rio: You can’t try to make me feel bad

Rio: I know I’m doing the right thing

Buster: Good,‘cause I’m trying to make you feel better about it

Rio: Yeah right

Buster: You’re sure you’re doing the right thing so

Rio: So stop being shitty with me about it

Buster: Stop telling me what to do, our lives are totally separate, remember

Rio: You’re so unfunny

Buster: I’m not joking so it’d be awkward if I was

Rio: You’re being stupid

Buster: You started it

Rio: You

Buster: You, but I’ll take the blame, same as I just did for Nance

Rio: Like you don’t love getting to claim being the hero

Rio: you’re so fucking welcome

Buster: I love you and that’s fucking unwelcome for now apparently

Rio: I love you but that doesn’t mean the rest of my problems don’t exist because of that

Buster: It means I should be there helping you solve them not that the fix is I fuck off and leave you to sort them out on your own

Buster: we’re supposed to be in this together, not separated by a bullshit line you’ve drawn between what’s us and what’s you

Rio: You can’t

Rio: it’s patronizing you act like you have any idea how more than I do

Rio: I’m just trying a different approach and you’ve made it into a huge thing it didn’t need to be

Buster: Yeah, it’s not patronizing at all for you to act like I have to react in a certain way to you breaking up with me

Rio: I’m not breaking up with you

Rio: it’s a break

Rio: I could’ve just lied and said I had plans for the next however many weekends and you wouldn’t know the difference

Buster: It’s the same thing, for fuck’s sake, stop acting like you can fix this in a few weekends

Rio: It just needs to be better, not perfect

Buster: It’s still gonna take loads of time regardless

Rio: What else can I do?

Buster: You’re the one saying I think I know better, I didn’t say I had a clue

Rio: I’m sick of not knowing what to do

Buster: Then try this, I’m not stopping you

Rio: You’re making me feel bad

Buster: Well now I’ve made my point

Rio: What does that even mean

Buster: I’ve made it known how I feel and what a shit idea I think this is, so I’ll shut up without labouring it any more, is what that means

Rio: okay

Buster: Okay, goodnight then

Rio: You aren’t going to sleep

Buster: It’s a conversation ender, that’s all

Rio: Yeah, say what you mean

Rio: Bye then

Buster: I’m trying to calm down and stop before I say something I don’t mean

Rio: Wow, unlike me, yeah

Rio: gold star for you

Buster: I’m not saying shit about you

Rio: Yeah you are, by trying to prove how mature you are

Buster: Fuck you, I’m actually trying to not be so fucking angry all the time, you know that

Rio: You’re right, go

Buster: Yeah

Rio: I’m sorry

Buster: Me too

Rio: I’m going home

Buster: Alright, do you need a lift?

Rio: Come get me

Rio: Please

Rio: You can’t come here and not see me at all, it’s not right

Buster: It’s just common sense to wanna make sure you get home safe after everything that’s happened with Lexie, not my hero complex

Rio: I don’t care what it is

Buster: I do

Rio: then that’s what it is

Buster: You’re not damaged goods or whatever the fuck those sort of bullshit heroics would make you

Rio: I am but it’s not the point

Buster: You’re not, fuck that

Rio: Shh

Buster: No, listen to me and trust what I’m saying

Rio: 🥺

Buster: You’ve always been flawless and that ain’t gonna change for anything or anyone

Rio: I love you

Rio: You know it breaks my heart to hurt you

Buster: I know it breaks your heart for shit to be like this with your family too

Rio: I don’t want anyone to hate us

Rio: I thought everyone would come around by now

Rio: Stupid, really

Rio: like you said, I can’t force them to change their minds, nevermind give a timeframe for that to happen in

Buster: They don’t hate us, it ain’t that simple, that’s what makes it so hard

Rio: It’s like I’m asking them to love you like I do

Rio: all they can say is how they could never imagine it and how wrong it is

Rio: but that’s because they aren’t us, it would be wrong if it was any of them because they don’t feel it

Rio: but I can’t explain that, in a way that makes it sound like I’m saying anything but we’re special

Rio: If they felt it, they’d know it, I always have

Rio: I didn’t view you one way, like they do, and then wake up and decide to change my mind

Rio: It’s how I’ve always seen you

Buster: You are special though, which isn’t ever gonna help me with explaining it, but maybe I’m sick of having to

Buster: I could give them years of proof, justification for everything we did and didn’t do and it’s not good enough, nobody else has to, they get to be in love, end of

Rio: They don’t know how it happened

Rio: as if we do

Buster: Well I ain’t ever gonna be sorry for rewriting history the way they saw it ‘cause how we had to live it was loads worse

Rio: I missed you all the time, it felt like there was something wrong with me

Rio: I can’t go back, how would we now

Buster: Even if they did all hate me, I’ve hated myself for years, thought every fucked up thing about me that they’re thinking now, and however angry they are at what’s happening, I’ve been angrier at what’s happened, or should’ve but couldn’t

Buster: I’m not gonna carry on living like that, and if they cared about me at all they wouldn’t ask me to

Rio: Even if they’re right, and we’re wrong

Rio: and this is fucked up and wrong

Rio: We’ve made our decision

Rio: I just don’t want them to think part of that was letting them leave my life willingly, that I wanted that part

Buster: Fight for them for however long you need to, I’ll wait, it’s not like I haven’t before

Rio: I shouldn’t have done any of it like this

Rio: That was stupid and having a weird fucking night isn’t an excuse

Buster: I should’ve made more allowances for what a weird fucking night it was

Rio: Nah

Rio: I was pushing you away and I was blaming you ‘cos nothing is that fucking simple and it’d almost be nice to pretend

Rio: but all the things they’re mad at me for would still be true, even if I was lying to myself and them about it

Buster: I was bringing my own fucking weird night to the front of this just ‘cause it happened when we were on a break before, but I can’t blame you for that, pretend it didn’t happen then or would now

Rio: It’s so fucked I said you should make friends with them when there’s people like her around

Rio: I didn’t mean her but still, I’m sorry I was being so blinded by my own shit

Rio: I really hope Lexie didn’t

Rio: that’s not what it sounded like but maybe I should’ve pushed more, I don’t know

Buster: There are other people around I should try harder with, you weren’t wrong about that

Buster: And you could try again, with Liam, if he needs to talk about it he’s not gonna mind, if he doesn’t want to, I’m sure he’ll say that, like

Rio: Does her boyfriend know what she’s like, that’s what I don’t fucking get

Rio: Not that we need to talk about her, not ever if you don’t want to

Rio: Yeah, I’ll definitely put the feelers out again

Rio: and reread what I actually said when I’m sober, maybe it was enough but I feel like no

Buster: He barely knows what day of the week it is, I’m not saying he’s constantly as wrecked as I was but it’s close enough

Buster: Does Edie know what Lexie did or maybe did? I mean, she’s still breathing somewhere assumedly so probably not, right?

Rio: That poor baby

Rio: If they didn’t live in that postcode it would be taken from them so fast it’s not even funny

Rio: Liam said she was the one who made him see it was any sort of deal so she does

Rio: but the fact Lexie is still walking about indicates it wasn’t like, THAT bad, definitely

Rio: bad but not properly wrong

Buster: If her poor parents weren’t raising it for them

Buster: And people think we’re making shitty decisions, Christ

Buster: maybe Liam’s making her soft like you’ve done to me

Rio: Of course

Rio: Ugh, it’s not even their age, young parents can be good parents but if she didn’t want it that hard, why did she have it

Rio: that’s slanderous, thank you

Buster: Yeah, like mine, and your mum, we definitely would be as well, even with all the plans I already have for the future

Buster: It’s accurate, I’m so weak and it’s entirely your fault

Rio: Will be

Rio: right?

Buster: It would turn this weird night around, but it would also go against every rule of being on a break

Rio: I didn’t mean we should have a baby right this second but you know

Rio: rules are boring and it isn’t as if they could be any madder at us

Buster: My parents would find a way to be if we had a baby right now, but Ava’s their favourite anyway so what do I really have to lose

Rio: It’s fine, it takes nine months, so I’ve heard 😏

Buster: Yeah, you’re right, that sounds fine to me too

Rio: Imagine how cute our baby would be though

Buster: I won’t be thinking about anything else until I pull up now

Rio: Well if you aren’t at least thinking about how fun it’ll be to make it too, bit rude

Buster: I was already thinking about that before you told me to start imagining anything

Rio: Glad to hear it

Rio: Or I’d have to check you hadn’t been hacked by some imposter

Buster: Lexie wouldn’t dare, also couldn’t keep up with any of your fantasies

Rio: She’s shit out of luck for a threesome now, yeah

Buster: All your friends are, you’re the hot one

Rio: I’d only touch them if you wanted me to, no one else can touch you

Buster: I thought you said rules are boring

Rio: 🥺

Buster: Don’t worry, I’m not changing ‘em, you know I fucking hate sharing and nobody else could touch me the way you do

Rio: If you really want someone else involved to prove that we can

Rio: Feel a bit bad for the girl though 🤷‍♀️

Buster: Bad enough to say no?

Rio: No, I’d do anything for you

Rio: That’s where my loyalty always lies

Buster: I ain’t forgotten

Rio: Don’t

Rio: Would that make you happy?

Rio: nights still young, we don’t have to go home

Buster: I don’t need anyone else to make me happy, just you

Rio: You’ve got me

Buster: I need you so bad, you know

Rio: I know, I need you just as much

Rio: I can feel it

Buster: The driver’ll be getting involved, like it or not, ‘cause I’m not going home before you feel everything

Rio: There’s no way I’m getting in that car and not getting on you immediately

Rio: I need you to know how much I adore you

Rio: I need to be that close to you, to hold you and love you and not let go

Buster: When you get in this car I'm gonna fuck you so slowly, 'cause you're mine and we both know forever is the only timeframe that makes sense for us, but not gentle 'cause like I said, you don't need to be treated like that, he'll hear how deep every thrust is, how much I desperately need to be inside you, that I'm not letting go either, not for a single second

Rio: Be here be here be here

Rio: I’m so desperate for you

Buster: Say please

Rio: Daddy please

Buster: [show up and stop torturing her boy]

Rio: [enjoy because this has been intense]

Buster: [a fucking weird night is accurate and lbr it's been an intense few years, thanks for that Liam]

Rio: [the audacity, thanks for stopping now though, imagine how long it’d take to stop waiting for things to happen still]

Buster: [as if they didn't have enough on their plates with the sneaky incest and yeah soz that you're not gonna be tense for ages cos it's not like he was stalking you every day with no pauses ever]

Rio: [least everyone knows now, even if we hating lol]

Buster: [and at least he has actually stopped imagine if it was like bitch you thought and you can't trust anyone bye]

Rio: [small mercies truly]

[dxrksong]

Shattered Glass old mirror chapter 2!

Warnings: uhhh trauma basically and time distortion

Enjoy!

-------------

You woke up, not immediately recognizing where you were. Slowly the memories came back to you as you got up. 

Waking up in the mirror, being found by the Jims, convincing them to take you with them, the giant dog, Wilford, Dark, the mirror……

You sighed and looked at your hand. It still hurt from yesterday. You unwrapped the bandage a little and saw that the bleeding had stopped at least. 

To unwrap it and pretend it's just a part of the collection or keep it and not potentially get an infection…….they wouldn't notice right? 

You rewrapped the bandage as someone knocked on your door

"MirrorJim! Time for breakfast!"

Oh, the Jims! You smiled, going to answer the door

"Thanks Jim! Let's go!"

The three of you started walking down the hallway

"Hey MirrorJim, is your hand ok?"

Oh of course

"Oh that? Just some battle scars! I got into a fist fight with a mirror!"

"What did the Mirror do Jim?"

"It called me names and insulted my friends. It held no honor"

"Didya win?"

"Of course! No mirror can hold it's ground against me!!!"

The Jims looked at you in awe, CameraJim going to point his camera at you

"And here we have the infamous Mirror fighter! Tell us MirrorJim, what was it like?!"

You stood up straighter, a confident smirk on your face 

"Quick and painful on both sides! But nothing i couldn't handle!" 

You laughed at the Jim's faces as all three of you walked into the kitchen and sat down. 

At the table the host, Bim, Google, and Dr.Iplier were already there. In the kitchen  Chefiplier and yet another Googleplier were working on breakfast. 

As you and the others waited, idle chatter came up.

"So how's your first night here, Y/N?"

"You know it actually went pretty well! I didn't even have a nightmare!"

"Heh, you sure? Your hand says otherwise."

"Oh, right. Speaking of which, Doc, think you can…?"

Dr.Iplier sighed as he playfully rolled his eyes, reaching out for your hand. You gave it to him and he looked over the damage.

"What happened"

CameraJim piped up

"They fought against a mirror and won!"

"A MIRROR? *sighs* well it's not the craziest thing I've seen before. Just try not to make things any worse and you'll be fine"

The Doctor rewrapped the bandage before letting you have your hand back

"Thanks doc!"

At that moment Dark walked into the room, more or less being dragged by Wilford as they sat down. You haven't spoken to dark since last night. This is bound to get awkward. 

Luckily for you food started leaving the kitchen as soon as the rest of the Iplier egos showed up. Things were relatively calm as you soon forgot the tension between you and dark, joining in on the pleasant conversation.

And then everything started spiraling downhill from there. 

You heard the sound of a car driving up to the manor as you finished your breakfast. Curious, you walked up to the window. 

Only to curse yourself internally. 

It was Mark. Like the Actor. Actor Mark! He's probably here for you! 

You're Dumb, not stupid. You know this probably isn't your body, the scratches on your hands and that memory from last night is enough proof of that. But if the others are aware that you're not them, this could be your end. 

It would be your end if Mark got to you as well. You're not about to let yourself get caught in one of those forever looping adventures of his. 

Think Y/N where's the safest place to be if you're spotted by the mad man himself or not? That would probably be with his rival….

And you're in a weird situation with said rival. 

You winced, not noticing Dark had walked over to see what you were staring at until he spoke up

"What the hell is HE doing here?" 

You nearly lept out of your skin! You sighed, trying to calm down from the mini heartattack.

"I don't know. But you're going to find out anyway aren't you?"

Dark nodded before walking off. 

Dang it you forgot their rivalry was the fighting kind. Guess you're sticking with someone else then. 

"Wonder where he's going? Y/N! Want to follow him?"

Hello replacement Damien! You turned to Wilford 

"Sure! We can be the sneakiest ninjas of all time! Jims! Wanna join us?"

"OOO! Good idea!! We gotta get our first sneaking mission all on video!!"

"Camera's already rolling MirrorJim!"

What can go wrong?

---------

Everything. Everything could go wrong. 

First of all, this group is neither sneaky nor…..ugh dang it what's the word??? You're obvious, is what I'm trying to say! You're 1000% sure Dark has known since the second hallway that you were all following him. 

It wasn't long before Dark found Mark roaming the halls. The confrontation started off rocky and with a lot of anger on Dark's side. Mark was nothing if not cool with a touch of nervousness. 

A facade, you're sure. You watched the confrontation with growing anxiety. This could end in an all out brawl. 

And then a glint off of something caught your eye

"Mark……"

Wilford had taken out his gun, your body freezing in place. Shit, you forgot. Mark and the Colonel didn't exactly get along well either!.......

WHY CAN'T YOU MOVE??

you can't-oh no…..panic attack...like back at the mirror. Seriously. An episode?? HERE???? Worst possible place for this!! You're 15ft away from a mad man and 3 feet away from the gun that shot you! 

You were starting to panic, your anxiety and paranoia skyrocketing through the roof. And then you heard it

"Y/N? Y/N!"

"Don't you DARE-ACK!"

Mark shoved Dark away before heading over to you. Next thing you knew, you heard a gunshot and you were running down the hall. 

This is too much…..too much all too soon. You couldn't hear anything but your own breathing as you ran through twists and turns of the manor. Where where you going? Who were you trying to go to? You don't know anymore! The only people who you knew was safe were back there with that guy! 

You soon slowed to a stop, tired as all hell. You panted for breath as you stopped to look around. 

Is it…..snowing? Wait, you've seen this before. The final episode of wkm! Before the Colonel found out Abe was hired to spy on him! 

Did you do this? 

""Did you do this?" Y/N asked themselves as the host drew near, the red Google Android at his side"

"Host? Google?"

"The host figured Y/N would like a quiet place to relax and have their questions answered. Follow me"

The host continued to mumble to himself as you caught up to the two of them. You decided to ask the obvious of what's happening here

"What is this?"

"It's an area spell I assume. It slows down time to an extent that even I'm not sure of"

"How come you're not effected? Did you do this?"

The host laughed

"Afraid not. If I could do this I would've used this ability a long time ago. And to answer your first question, I can only assume it's because you consider us friendly"

"Wait me? I'm really the one doing this??"

"If you weren't then I'd question who would be."

You nodded slowly. Made sense. You all stopped at the Host's office

"The Host is going to go defuse the situation and calm down the ruffians. The Googleplier will assist you with any questions you have."

You nodded and watched the host leave before looking up to the bot, who walked inside the office. You followed behind and found a couch. You sighed, putting your face in your hands as you sat down

You felt the bot sit down nearby and you took in a breath before sitting up

"Ok Google"

You heard a beep

"Quiz me on common knowledge"

"Ok"

--------

The gun had fired, Wilford standing on his two feet now. Mark had quickly dodged out of the way and went to try and hide when the Jims started screaming

"WHERE DID MIRRORJIM GO?!"

"MIRRORJIM DISAPPEARED!!!!"

Dark: "WHAT?!"

Dark immediately grabbed Mark by the neck, lifting him up in the air

Dark: "WHAT DID YOU DO YOU SLIMEY-"

Host: "Mark did not do anything."

The Host walked into the room

Wilford: "Host….I should've known"

The host nodded towards Wil

Host: "Y/N had ran away at the sound of the firing gun. They are currently at my office, being caught up with current events"

Mark wrangled himself free from Dark's grip

Mark: "that's great! I'll go keep them-"

Host: "The Host suggests you do not corner Y/N less you want to meet a very gruesome death"

The host warned. Mark gave the Host a very disbelieving and confused look as Dark and Wil raised an eyebrow

Mark: "Y/N? The harmless Y/N that couldn't harm a FLY? Are you SURE you're not losing it Host?"

The host chuckled to himself

Host: "you shall see in time. They are not the same Y/N you once knew a century ago."

The host started walking away.

Host: oh also the dog's are fighting. 

That got the ego's attention as they immediately ran outside. 

Host: "The host chuckled to himself, knowing full well Diva was no where near Chica"

----------

You sighed. Nothing much had changed in accordance to most things in your past life. But when you asked about certain artists, you found that several important ones or even special songs were just flat out gone as if they didn't exist. 

If that wasn't bad enough you realized that that means you're the only one that knows these songs and it's up to you to not forget them. Yaayyyyyy more stress. 

You ran your hands through your hair. You suppose you'll be fine. You could be fine. You WILL be fine. You could get used to this just like everything else you've dissociated from. 

"Your body language suggests distress"

"Yeah, well. I'm under a lot of it…...can I tell you something if you promise not to tell Dark or Wil?"

The Google raised an eyebrow

"Noted?"

You sighed again, leaning into the couch

Pt1

[ofmythsandmadness]

i need a favour - six.

PART SIX - a tale of two love-struck fools - or, the one where everything that’s not supposed to happen...happens. WORD COUNT - 3850+ PREV PART - five. START FROM THE BEGINNING - one.

A/N - whoops. sorry...that’s all i have to say. this won’t make up for the long ass absence, but...here it is, anyways. not edited and i know it’s messy. but it’s here. if anyone reads it, i hope you enjoy. xx

THINGS WERE OKAY. AT LEAST ON THE SURFACE. 

For one, Y/N wasn’t required to wear heels that night, freezing her poor feet from the torture of stilettos all night. Which was a nice change. The shoes sure did look good, but she still had not figured out how people like Allison could wear six inch pumps for an entire day. One hour was torture enough.

She glanced down, wriggling her toes in the ankle boots she had chosen. She would have to thank whoever was running this event for the dress code - because she was much more okay showing up to this fancy shmancy awards ceremony if she could stand normally. And feel properly dressed - she could shrink into her sweater and still feel like she wasn’t a style disappointment to those around her. Which was also, quite nice.

Unfortunately that might just be where her list ended. Because as much as she was trying to find the silver lining, Y/N really was finding it impossible.

Why, one might wonder?

“There you are.”

He, was why.

She looked away from him, anywhere but him, scanning the crowds around her for something she can latch onto. “Here I am.”

“Was looking for you.”

“Hm,” she hummed back, playing absent-mindedness to cover up her racing heart. Hopefully he couldn’t hear it - though considering how loud it was pounding in her own ear? Might be a fool’s wish. “Well, I...was with Vanya.”

She shivered when his skin brushed hers; his hand barely grazed against her own, and yet there she was, practically fucking shaking like a leaf because - well, she wasn’t ready to face the ‘because’ just yet.

“Funny, cause I talked to Vanya.”

“Good for you.”

“And she only talked briefly with you. But she’s barely seen you t’night.”

Y/N frowned then, stuck between a rock and a hard place - the latter being the same man she had made out with just a few days prior. The same man, she had been avoiding ever since.

See, after their rather shocking makeout session from a few days back, neither one knew what to do. That was not in the cards for their fake relationship - it had never been. Certainly, not without a point to play off of. But it had happened, both of them eagerly rushing into an ill-fated kiss that they would later debate over and over until the simple word ‘kiss’ was mush in their minds. And after that, neither one knew where they stood.

Scared of facing consequences, Y/N let herself vanish practically off the face of the earth. She threw herself into her work, but when she was not at school, she was at home, ignoring any calls that came her way or knocks at her door later at night. She knew if he truly needed her, he would just come through her window, so she never bothered answering the door. Not for the two times he came by.

She was not even sure why she showed up that night. They had not discussed further the extent of their fake relationship - or how their not-fake kiss played into it - and so really, she had no need to show and play his fake girlfriend. But there she was, showing up, and then regretting it once her consequences showed up to mock her.

“I had things to do.”

“Oh? Like what?”

But instead of answering that, she turned, glaring up at him. “What do you want me to say, Diego? You want my secretary to fax you my minutes? My schedule?”

“No,” he gritted back, “I want to talk.”

“That might be the first time I’ve ever heard you say that.”

“Yeah? There’s been a lot of ‘firsts’ this week.”

She rolled her eyes, fighting back her nerves with stone fists, nails digging moon-shaped cuts into her palms. There was no way she was going to break and argue this with him right then and there. In public, in the midst of a hoity-toity fundraiser event...thing (truthfully, she still hadn’t figured out what was going on, but did that matter anymore?). She still had a little dignity. “We’re not talking about this.”

“Not your call to make.”

“It is,” she hissed, “considering I’m the one who agreed to do this stupid relationship thing. You want me to call us out right here and now?”

“Do that, and you’re dead too. I mean, you are the one who kissed me twi-”

“-can it, Hargreeves. Don’t twist this solely on me.”

“Am I? Or-”

“-I told you. I’m not doing this here.”

“Then where?”

“I-”

“-attention, ladies and gentlemen, if you could look this way now?”

The two adults were forced to pause their hushed argument and avert their gaze forward. Both jaws clenched in frustration - for different, yet very similar reasons - and they stood stiffly beside one another, opposite of their happy couple facade performed just days ago. No one could even say they were friends, let alone in a committed relationship. So, it was pretty good the attention was not on them.

Y/N barely took in a moment of the presentation, past that it was basically the government (or something like that) kissing Five’s ass for an hour or so. He had done something, risking his life for something or other, and there they were, clapping with glassy eyes as high ranking officials raved on and on about how amazing he was.

She had to wonder just what he had done. Because it was rare, very rare, for Five Hargreeves to ever be on anyone’s good side. And normally she would question both the legality and hidden workings behind all this smiling government bullshit. However, in the circumstances she currently found herself in, she really couldn't care less.

One it was done and the crowd began to move around, Y/N made her move to go - only to find herself held back by Diego. She tried to worm out of his firm grasp, but he silently refused, dark eyes practically begging her to stay. And maybe, it was the strange and quite unfamiliar look in his eyes that actually made her want to stay. Even if she would just argue the arm bit.

“I’m serious about what I said,” she mumbled, keeping her voice down just in case someone unwanted was nearby. “We can’t talk about this right here and now, not with your family buzzin’ about like flies.”

“Sure,” he shrugged. “But -” he was cut off by himself that time, eyes dropping from staring her down to someone behind her. They flicked back within seconds, but they lacked the same shine as a second ago, colder and more determined for something. Some reason. “When?”

“What did-”

“-don’t pretend like I don’t care about you.”

Y/N cocked her head in confusion, staring at him like he had just asked the craziest thing in the world of her. “Pardon me?”

“You know I want this to work.”

Her nose crinkled as she frowned. “Sure...uh, I guess, but we don’t have to discuss-”

“-isn’t this just the next step?”

“What the hell are you going on about?”

It was only a second after that question when Y/N got her answer in the form of another's actions. She started when a cold hand met her shoulder, but a quick glance to her side clarified the person, and Diego’s motivation. Lord, she would have to commend him on quick thinking. Maybe (she still had no clue what he was talking about).

“You two really seem to be laying into it,” Klaus grinned, as though he was asking their opinions on kittens. “Everything alright, lovebirds?”

“Uh - ju-ust peachy.”

His eyes flitted from hers to meet Diego’s. “You seem rather tense, brother. What’s the matter?”

Before he could answer, to continue whatever little scheme he had concocted in his mind, Y/N cut in with a strained grin. “What are you doing here, Klaus? I didn’t think this would be your scene.”

“Oh, it rarely is,” he responded, already seeming to forget his question. “But I thought I’d turn over a new leaf, try and seem more respectable than I truly am. And...well, truthfully, I appreciate a good show.” His elbow met her side, nudging her teasingly. “If you know what I mean.”

“Should have known you had other motives.”

Klaus clicked his tongue at Diego. “I do care about Five’s...well, whatever he’s done, you know that. But I can support more than one fellow, you know.”

“Who’s the lucky guy?”

His pale arm stretched out, past the couple and over to a small crowd in the corner, of which Five was the centre. “See the dashing one in blue? With the plaid tie?”

When they both nodded, Klaus laughed. “His name’s Joe.”

“He’s cute,” Y/N responded. She dared not glance to her side and meet Diego’s eyes. “You sure he swings your way?”

“I know he does, matter of fact.”

“Oh, well then...I’m happy for you.”

Klaus, oblivious to either person’s discomfort, grinned and clapped his hands like a child. Were it any other situation, Y/N would have found it adorable. Be it as it were, however, she just wanted the conversation over with and a way to escape this nightmare of a night.

“I’d love to hear more,” she finally said, cutting him off just before he could really go on with it, “but I do have to run. It’s been a week of late nights and if I don’t make it home now, I might just crash here.”

In an instant, Diego was holding her waist, gently cradling her to him in a way she did not totally despise - though it was a huge shock to her nervous system, nearly made her jump in fright. “I keep telling you to take a break, but no, somehow I’m in the wrong.”

So they were still playing along. God, how hard it was becoming to hold her smile. “Look, baby, you just don’t understand it. Those kids need me!”

“And I need you alive, and yet here you are working yourself to death.” His lips found her skin, pressing into her temple for a moment before pulling away. She fought the urge to wipe where he had burned the kiss into her skin, smiling through her mental anguish.

Klaus clasped his hands under his chin and smiled, looking like the most deranged cupid in the world. “You two - I mean, really. It’s disgusting, how much you two love each other. I think I might vomit, just looking at you.”

“Well,” Y/N said, hesitantly stepping back just a little at the ‘vomit’ mention, “good thing we’re leaving then. Let me know how you and Joe go, yeah?”

“I’ll spare no details,” he winked back, before making ‘shooing’ motions with his hands. “Have fun, be safe!”

Diego’s grip tightened on her shoulders as they weaved through the crowds, as though he thought she might try to run away. She wished she didn’t like it.

“Good work.”

“Nice save.”

Diego grinned, a cocky smile she had learned to both love and hate with passion. “Anything for my baby.”

“Shut up, or I’ll stab your guts out.”

“With my own knife?” He didn’t even seem the tiniest bit flustered, by how she had snuck the weapon out of his pocket. If anything, the look on his face read more flattery. “How sweet.”

She rolled her eyes, hesitating a long moment before handing it over. If only she had kept it; she might have been able to rid herself of her mental misery before it would be too late.

Oh, well. She couldn’t run from it, or him, forever.

Unfortunately. Why’d she have to go with a super-human fake-boyfriend, again? 

||

“DID YOU DRIVE?”

Y/N shook her head. “Walked. You?”

“I’ll walk you home.”

“You don’t need-”

“-please,” he said, a little softer that time. His hand grazed the small of her back, lingering just a moment before slipping away. “You n’I both know these streets aren’t safe.”

Much as she did not want to admit he was right, she did feel a bit better having someone by her side. It was dark out and sure, she knew how to protect herself - but having a guy who did it semi-professionally walking her home didn’t hurt. So she nodded and without another word, followed him out the glass doors.

It was then, too, she was glad she wore comfortable shoes. It was only a ten minute walk, but she did not want the added stress of aching feet on top of her and Diego’s tension.

They walked in silence for a couple minutes. Side by side, barely touching - shoulders grazing, but only just. And for a long moment, it felt normal. Like nothing had happened and this was just them. Comfortable, revelling in the quiet of the streets that night and one another’s company. For a second, Y/N could almost convince herself that that was the way things were.

But of course, things couldn’t be that way. Not how they left it.

“So…”

“So…”

“Why didn’t you return my calls?”

Y/N sighed, letting her eyes fall to the pavement below. “Dunno. It was a long week.”

“Could have told me that.”

“After the way we left things? I figured you would have taken any response from me as a sign to start an argument. Hell,” she chuckled mirthlessly, “I half expected you to crawl through my window at two in the morning, looking for a chat in person.”

She glanced up to see his face; twisted, in a mixture of anger and something she could not quite read. “I’m a dick, but I’m not a total asshole.”

“Sure.”

“I wouldn’t do that to you. I...figured you needed some space.”

She nodded. “I assumed. And I appreciate it.”

“But,” he continued, taking her gratitude as a sign to push forward, “s’not like we can really go on like this.”

“Why not?”

Diego stopped in his tracks. His hand met hers, pulling her to a stop in front of him. He stared down at her, still with that same confusing look in his eyes. “You kissed me, Y/N. Don’t remember that being in the rules.”

“I did that before-”

“-that was not the same,” he argued, cutting her off before the excuse could finish. “That was for...there was no reason to kiss me then. We both know that.”

Y/N stuffed her hands into her coat and stared down at the pockets, like they were suddenly the most interesting thing in the world. “Why are you asking me all this? I mean, you can’t pretend like you didn’t kiss me, too. You practically started it. All this!”

“That’s not true.”

“Mm,” she laughed, a little bitterly that time, “su-ure. We were both there, Diego. We’re both guilty in this. You wanted it, I-I-” she couldn’t bring herself to finish the sentence. Instead, she stared downwards stricken, trying to avoid processing just about anything going through her head just then. “I...fuck, why am I even trying to explain this!”

When he said nothing, she sighed. “Maybe this was a mistake.”

“What was?”

“This. Agreeing to this. I mean, you’re great, really stupid great dude, but this whole fake dating thing is making it really hard to - I don’t know. This is a mess.”

He huffed. “I never made you do this.”

“I didn’t say you did! I know I agreed to it, just clearly I had no idea what it was like to date you.”

“What the hell does that mean?”

“I-”

Before she could finish that sentence, screams erupted from a little whiles away, followed by curses and a lone gunshot. They both immediately started, Diego carefully slipping past Y/N to source the noise - and her following right after.

The pair raced into the alleyway with Diego quickly taking the lead. Despite it being dark, three figures could clearly be made out in the dim lights and both immediately saw the offending gun. Neither even stopped to consider it, though, rushing forward like a well oiled team ready to spring into action.

“Stop!” Diego hollered. From within his jacket he pulled two knives. They went flying and each hit a different offender. From the screams of pain following, it was clear his targets were matched. He reached in to pull out another, only to curse. “Shit - Y/N?”

She nodded even while falling to her knees by the side of their victim. She looked the young woman over, helping her sit up while her hands felt for cuts or bruises. She wasted no time glancing up, “Go! Go!”

Without a second more hesitation, Diego was off like a flash after the fleeing trio. Y/N remained by the woman’s side, not even bothering to check what was happening around her. Which, perhaps was her downfall, trusting so blindly in her friend’s skill. She only focused on the woman and making sure she was okay, and not in what was happening around her.

At that moment, time felt almost like it had slowed down. Like everything had gone from normal to slow motion, leaving her struggling even more to keep up with what was around her. A cry erupted from the young woman, leaving Y/N to glance up questioningly - but before she could ask what was the matter, a gunshot sounded. Her head twisted, staring off where Diego had just run, only to see her doom come racing her way - and not his.

A second later and she herself was crying out, the sound mingling with those of the girl beside her. The bullet might as well have been a truck, from the force of the hit. It left her shocked and with no control over her body, she collapsed like a bird to the cold pavement. She heard a flurry of sounds around her, yelling and curses, but none of them made any sense to her just then. All she could truly hear was the woman she had just been helping. She would not stop talking, but Y/N could not understand what was being said - some sort of foreign language, perhaps Polish from the sounds of it. It was sad, though, mourningful and the intention behind it was clear.

But there was no time for that just then.

The pain was bad. Definitely bad. Like, on a scale from one to ten, she would have to say it felt past eleven. From where the pain radiated, too, she would only have to assume it was not just a graze.

“Shit.”

Y/N felt at her side and pulled back her hand to see blood. She moved back once more, that time pushing harder even when the pain practically exploded inside her - she dug at the wound, trying her best to gauge how bad of a hit she had.

Judging by what little pressure she could stand, it was pretty bad. Bracing herself on the young girl and the cold pavement, she forced herself into a sitting position, pressing her bloodied fingers back into the wound - despite how much it hurt, she knew it was the only way she would make it through this. Gritting her teeth, she held the other hand out.

“Phone,” she gasped. When the woman just stared, she shakily brought the hand to her ear, miming a call. “9-1-1. You have a phone?”

“Oh, yes. Yes. Yes.”

She remained by her side as she called, which Y/N was grateful for, as it meant she had someone to lean upon. It felt like hours as they waited - though really, it was mere seconds, waiting for the shouts to cease in the background and for the stupid operator to realise what was being asked of it. She had half a mind to grab the phone and say it herself - she would, if she had any strength to move. As it were, she was barely keeping herself up, and only had to hope the woman’s broken English would save her.

Footsteps echoed like bullets of their own on the pavement, and Y/N instinctively scrunched her eyes up tight, begging for some relief. Somehow, the pain from her side was hitting all over her body - she felt like she had been hit a thousand times, pummeled by some ancient god who wished her nothing but ill will.

Just as she lost hope, however, she heard Diego’s voice, practically felt his own body hit the pavement beside her. Vaguely, she could make out both him and the woman talking, but neither voice stood enough out amongst the pain.

Firm, warm arms found their way around her and pulled her in. Y/N let herself slump back, barely opening her eyes to take in what was around her. Diego had pulled her half onto his lap, enough so she was resting solely on his chest and on his legs. She heaved in a breath.

“Where’d it hit you?”

“Side,” she mumbled. Was this always how it went? She had very little (as in, none until that night) experience with gunshot wounds, but they were really more of a bitch than she knew. It was like she could feel her lifeforce slipping out of her body, with each breath becoming more and more of a hardship, her chest barely rising and falling.

“You’re gonna be okay. You know that, right?”

“Mm-hmm.” She was barely awake, only forcing her lids open. Somewhere, far away, she remembered yelling at Diego to do that - there must be a point, to not falling asleep. “Called...9…”

His hands brought her closer to him, pressing her shivering figure into his torso with more strength she knew he possessed. “I know. I know. The woman’s waiting. Just - stay with me, okay? You gotta stay with me.”

“Mm…”

“No. C’mon, Y/N, stay with me. Okay? It’s…” she heard that unmistaken quiver in his voice, and even in her weakened state, she felt the urge to help him. Only, she couldn’t find the words or the stamina to say them, and found herself helpless in easing his panic. 

“It’s...gonna b-b-b-be...you’re o...o...shit,” he cursed, a muffled sob not far behind the words. “C’mon, b-b-ba...c’mon…”

Y/N forced a smile on her lips. It was getting harder and harder to stay conscious, but dammit if she wasn’t going to try for his sake. Her hand left her side, shakily reaching up to find his cheek. Blood stained the skin, but neither even seemed to notice.

“M’okay,” she mumbled, even while drowning - the pain was definitely getting to her, more so than she could have ever dreamed. She hissed in a breath, “m...okay. Don’t...don’t cry for m-me, Argentina.”

Even as the world began to shake and go black, she saw his face, staring down at her like she was the most important thing in the world. Somewhere amidst the grief and fear and uncertainty, Diego slipped a grin - and even if it was a waste of potentially last words, she would at least go knowing she got to see him smile again. “S-s-hut up,” he whispered.

And before she could offer anymore of a response, just a bloody smile to match his own, Y/N fell limp in his arms, moving no more.

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[hamliet]

Nie MingJue: Righteousness Without Empathy

Nie MingJue is a character I do happen to like a lot despite his often-regarded unlikeable qualities. His arc is extremely tragic, and while Jin GuangYao is ultimately responsible for his tragedy, Nie MingJue played just as much a role in his own tragic downfall. He sacrifices empathy in the name of righteousness (and Jin GuangYao sacrifices righteousness for empathy), but both Jin GuangYao and Nie MingJue can honestly be said to be two sides of the same coin in that they both have a core of wanting to prove themselves, and it’s this core that destroys them both. 

Let’s begin with this conversation between the two of them: 

What Nie MingJue hated the most were such irresponsible words. Fuming, he lunged with his saber, “You had no choice? Whether or not to do it was up to you, and so was whether or not to kill them!”

Meng Yao dodged, protesting, “Was it really up to me? Sect Leader Nie, if we think from each other’s perspective…”

Nie MingJue had known what he wanted to say. He interrupted, “We won’t!”

Nie MingJue has always prided himself on being righteous, but he’s completely unable to consider things from another’s perspective. Jin GuangYao considers things from everyone else’s perspective--he’s extremely empathetic; however, he doesn’t really use that empathy for anything other than to manipulate to serve himself.

Jin GuangYao, “It isn’t that HuaiSang is a good-for-nothing, but that his heart lies somewhere else.”

Nie MingJue, “Well you’ve really discerned where his heart lies, haven’t you?”

Jin GuangYao smiled, “Of course. Isn’t that what I’m the best at? The only person whom I can’t discern is you, Brother.”

... Women, liquor, riches—he touched none; art, calligraphy, antiques—a pile of ink and mud; the finest green tea leaves and dregs from a roadside booth—there was no difference. Meng Yao tried everything he could think of yet still couldn’t find if he was interested in anything beside training his saberwork and killing Wen-dogs. He really was a wall made of iron, impenetrable by even the sharpest blades...

Nie MingJue’s understanding of righteousness completely fails to take into account the struggles of others who did not have his privileged background. He doesn’t consider this when he finds Meng Yao having killed a superior in the Jin Sect in Wen clothing (while the novel never states it explicitly, Jin GuangYao later mentions to Lan XiChen that Jin GuangShan somehow told him to kill Wen RouHan, so it’s not inconceivable that he was already planning to go undercover; then again, neither is it for certain). Jin GuangShan had just lied to Nie MingJue’s face about Meng Yao:

Nie MingJue’s brows immediately furrowed. Back then, the story that Meng Yao was kicked down Koi Tower passed around for quite a long time. Even others had known of such a farce, so there was no way that the person involved couldn’t remember the name. Only someone with the thickest of faces would be able to play dumb in such a situation. It was just that, however, Jin GuangShan just so happened to be such a person.

Yet Nie MingJue still refuses to consider that maybe he can’t trust Jin GuangShan to behave honorably. He refuses to consider that the world isn’t divided into black and white, underhanded trickery and forthright righteous honor. When he urges Meng Yao to confess and atone, he doesn’t consider that Meng Yao’s plea that he will be killed for it was very likely true. Jin GuangShan probably would have had him executed.

Nie MingJue, “To get here, you took the wrong path.”

Meng Yao, “You’re going to be sending me to my death.”

Nie MingJue, “If your words are true, it won’t happen. Go, reflect, and turn over a new leaf.”

Meng Yao whispered, “…My father hasn’t seen me yet.”

It wasn’t that Jin GuangShan didn’t see him.

He simply pretended to not know his existence.

So what happens when you have righteousness without empathy? Can you even call that righteousness?

Not really, which Jin GuangYao exposes to him.

[Jin GuangYao] looked up, unknown fires dancing within his eyes, “But, Brother, I have always wanted to ask you something—the lives under your hands are in any regard more than those under mine, so why is it that I only killed a few cultivators out of desperation and you keep on bringing it up, even until now?”

Nie MingJue was so enraged that he began to laugh, “Good! I’ll give you my answer. Countless souls who have fallen under my saber, but I’ve never killed out of my own desires, much less to climb up the ladder!”

Jin GuangYao, “Brother, I understand what you mean. Are you saying that all of the people you killed deserved their deaths?”

With courage gathered from nowhere, he laughed and walked a few steps closer to Nie MingJue. His voice raised as well, asking in an almost aggressive manner, “Then, may I ask, just how do you decide if someone deserves death? Are your standards absolutely correct? If I kill one but save hundreds, would the good outweigh the bad, or would I still deserve death? To do great things, sacrifices must happen.”

Nie MingJue, “Then why don’t you sacrifice yourself? Are you any nobler than them? Are you any different from them?”

Jin GuangYao stared at him. A moment later, as though he had finally either decided on something or given up on something, he replied calmly, “Yes.”

He looked up. In his expression were some of pride, some of calmness, and some of a faint insanity, “I and they, of course we are different!”

They deserved to die, did they? Yet we know Nie MingJue took part in the Siege of the Burial Mounds (even if he did not play a very large role), where the elderly and weak Wens were murdered and thrown into a blood pool.We know he refused to speak up for Wen Qing, saying this:

Lan XiChen responded a moment later, “I have heard of Wen Qing’s name a few of times. I do not remember her having participated in any of the Sunshot Campaign’s crimes.”

Nie MingJue, “But she’s never stopped them either.”

Lan XiChen, “Wen Qing was one of Wen RuoHan’s most trusted people. How could she have stopped them?”

Nie MingJue spoke coldly, “If she responded with only silence and not opposition when the Wen Sect was causing mayhem, it’s the same as indifference. She shouldn’t have been so disillusioned as to hope that she could be treated with respect when the Wen Sect was doing evil and be unwilling to suffer the consequences and pay the price when the Wen Sect was wiped out.”

Yet that is exactly what he was doing right in that very scene, in the face of Jin ZiXun’s internment camps where Wen Ning was murdered: refusing to say anything because of his personal hatred for the Wens. In that very same scene, he even thinks that he knows Jin GuangYao was fibbing to help his father and yet says nothing, because it benefits him to have Wens hurt. 

In contrast, Jin GuangYao empathizes, he knows how people feel, but he doesn’t allow that to change his mind and help them. He too is always working for his own benefit, just like Nie MingJue. They’re not very different at their core. 

So basically, righteousness without empathy is pretty close to hypocrisy and allows injustices to prevail, which is made exceedingly clear when corpse!Nie MingJue enacts atrocities and murders many innocents. It’s a parallel what happened to Xiao XingChen at the hands of Xue Yang: being tricked into killing without realizing it. The difference, of course, is that Xiao XingChen did empathize with Xue Yang to an extent, whereas Nie MingJue refused to empathize at all with Jin GuangYao (hence why it’s super ironic that a technique called empathy is what exposes Wei WuXian to what Nie MingJue was feeling and to who the culprit is). 

Nie MingJue winds up as an unrestrained corpse killing at random in a futile attempt to put himself back together. While we don’t have a ton of background re: what made Nie MingJue the way he was, we know he witnessed his father tricked into a qi deviation which gave him a lifelong hatred for Wen RouHan, which might have traumatized him. That said, we can’t say for certain. But considering the themes of the novel and the motives for other killers--Xue Yang, Jin GuangYao, Wei WuXian--it’s not exactly far-fetched to theorize that this is symbolic of Nie MingJue trying to heal himself through violence as a way of setting the world/his body right, and that completely failing and just hurting everyone around him.  

Lan SiZhui, “It seems like he is searching for something… Maybe it is… his head?”

Wei WuXian, “That’s right. He’s searching for his head. There are quite a few heads here, so since he doesn’t know which one is his, he’ll pull off the head of each person and place it on top of his own neck to see if it fits or not. If it does, he’ll do with it for a period of time, and if it doesn’t, he’ll throw it away, so you should walk slowly. You must not get caught by him.”...

under the forceful attacks of the flute and the guqin, he looked as if he finally lost all energy, succumbing to the three instruments. With a stagger, he fell to the ground.

To be more accurate, it wasn’t that he fell down, but that he fell apart. There were the arms, the legs, and the torso, broken and scattered over the carpet of dry leaves.

He kills the Mo family (despite their awfulness), he tries to kill SiZhui, he tries to kill his brother, he would have killed even Lan XiChen if Jin GuangYao had not pushed him away at the last second. Righteousness without empathy is not righteousness at all; it is a sword that can only wound, not heal. (And for the record I’m not absolving Jin GuangYao of responsibility; it’s his fault for killing Nie MingJue--but please note Nie MingJue’s actions in death aren’t that different from his actions in life. Starts off killing evil people--the Wens, the Mos--tries to then kill people associated--all Wens, SiZhui who is a Wen--and spirals into lashing out at everyone around him including, finally, HuaiSang.)

Lan XiChen, “Brother, this is HuaiSang!”

Nie HuaiSang, “Brother can’t even recognize me…”

Wei WuXian, “Not only can’t he recognize you, he can’t even recognize whom he himself is right now!”

Nie MingJue had already become a corpse controlled by the heavy energy of resentment. He was fierce and violent, attacking indiscriminately....

Lest we think the novel wants us to ascribe these actions all to Nie MingJue being dead and unable to physically see, the novel refutes this:

The harsh, stern expression on his rigid face held a sense of judgement that was no different from before he died.

In addition, there are two foils that arise in the GuanYin Temple scene that add to this: Wen Ning and Su She. Nie MingJue attempts to kill Jin Ling in a case of mistaken identity (symbolic for how Nie MingJue acts/kills on incomplete information) and Jin Ling is only saved by a Wen, Wen Ning, jumping in front of Jin Ling to atone for killing Jin Ling’s father as a crazed corpse himself. It doesn’t kill Wen Ning, but it sets up a Wen as righteous and even trying to protect Nie MingJue from his own actions, and also showing that Wen Ning, who truly was not responsible for his actions back when he killed Jin Ling’s father, takes responsibility for what he did. 

Later on in the same chapter, Nie MingJue kills Su She in Su She’s attempt to protect Jin GuangYao. Nie MingJue despised Jin GuangYao for a moment of unrighteousness, and Su She served Jin GuangYao with unflinching loyalty because Jin GuangYao remembered him, so they are foils. Su She, of course, is extremely wrong in his petty cruelty and loyalty that is never questioned, but Nie MingJue’s inability to forgive similarly leads to killing. 

It’s also ironic, of course, that the whole reason Nie MingJue goes on a killing spree is because his little brother, the one he wanted to protect, is the one who unleashes him and damn the cost. Like, HuaiSang got Mo XuanYu to commit suicide, risked Jin Ling’s death multiple times, destroys a poor woman’s corpse just like his brother’s corpse was destroyed. 

Nie MingJue’s righteousness is a prison. It’s not righteousness at all, and it’s the reason he winds up trapped in a coffin with Jin GuangYao, whose empathy was not used for righteousness, for a hundred years. Both of these paths lead to death and imprison a person. 

[weepingandgnashingofteeth]

i desperately want to stop being so crazyperson paranoid about other people but i literally can’t tell the difference between that and the actual level of cautiousness i need to have. i don’t feel like i can get help for the paranoia because it’s impossible to communicate the extent of my genuine foolishness like i come across as intelligent and rational when i use my words but nobody has any idea what goes on in my brain i don’t think anyone understands how seriously susceptible to things i am like i hate admitting it especially because it sounds like im infantilizing myself i don’t think im a helpless little uwu baby but it’s also literally dangerous for me to pretend that i have enough realtime situational awareness to keep myself safe the way someone my age should be able to and im so fucking frustrated about this i want to just go anywhere i want and talk to random people but i have no doubt that i can and will die that way like. im literally not naive i know what goes on in the world and the ways people will try to trick you but when im in a situation in the moment i just do not fucking notice and it’s straight up terrifying to think about because so far i’ve been lucky that the worst anyone’s done to me is like. “borrow” stuff from me or just not treat me very well. i think the thing im having the most trouble with right now is that i want to be honest with new people im trying to form relationships with about how difficult it is for me to pick up on indirect communication like i think it’s important for anyone in my life to understand that and i don’t want to wait until i’ve known them for a year or whatever and we have some kind of conflict over it to explain it to them but i also keep forgetting that it’s literally not safe for me to just. Tell someone that because then they can figure out how easy to exploit or whatever i am and it’s soooooooo scary it’s making me lose my mind!!!!!!!!