#I will go wild about everything else too but atm I have to get to bed it is 5am

[olessan-lokenosse]

Ok so they're both great combos but the male is a 1-off xyx, which is wild in itself, but HE'S A 1-OFF XYX THAT'S GOT THE SAME SECONDARY AS MY 2-OFF XYX CUSTOM PROGEN, who is ALSO a water breed, and who is Light while he is Shadow

This is her scried as a fathom:

[depresssant]

thinking about a venom!reader in the MHA world...

ok i got very carried away with the dabi part but ykyk. uh two are platonic yan and the other is romantic. but basically, i was thinking about a quirkless reader who becomes the host for venom in the mha world. how cool would that be?

maybe i'll do a deadpool one as well, but i love venom too much atm.

⏤ venom!reader: you're just a quirkless reporter with a dark past. you work⏤well, worked for a news channel diligently, making sure to bring justice if not through a quirk, then through a camera. that is, until you investigate a company accused of trafficking quirkless civilians to test for quirk development. however, the chairman of the company doesn't take kindly to your intrusion and has you fired.

⏤ venom!reader: you sneak into the company's lab with the help of one of the chairman's closest scientists. you stumble across an alien, symbiote, from a whole different planet. this symbiote picks you as its host and you now have a literal parasite feeding off of you. the chairman is ecstatic since none other hosts have lived as long a you, so he sends men to capture you but venom is having none of it.

⏤ venom!reader: you escape from the chairman's men while accidentally getting your boyfriend, soon-to-be fiancé murdered in the process. you swear to get revenge, and the hero commission is more than willing to turn you into a hero if it means using you to push their agendas.

⏤ venom!reader: you accept despite knowing this won't end well. your mind is on revenge and revenge only. you want to murder the chairman, but for now, you have to bide your time. you're paired with the pro hero hawks, and he wants to be your friend so damn bad. you're assigned as an apprentice under the number one hero and decide to use these people to help you with your revenge.

— venom!reader: you're able to charm everyone with a charismatic personality. okay. that was a lie. you're brash, reckless, and stubborn, but perhaps that's something the number one hero's masterpiece loves about you. you're like... the wild older sister that's always bringing chaos to the family. you take shoto todoroki out on outings when you're not working yourself to the bone, and it warms his icy heart. you return to his home bloody and bruised up after a long day of fighting villains, and the first thing on your mind is to help him with his homework? the way you look after him is so domestic and familial.

— venom!reader: you make shoto want to keep you in his home forever, away from harm's way. you're destined to be his older sister, and there's no way you can be anything else, right? he doesn't know you don't really care about him. you just treat shoto todoroki well to get on his father's good side. but he finds out your true feelings the night you spend rambling off in a drunken haze to fuyumi, who may as well be as wasted as you. you and her talk about one day moving and leaving everything behind, and shoto can feel his entire world fall apart. no. no. no. no. you and fuyumi are his older sisters! you're supposed to love and care for him. nothing more! your jobs have gotten into your heads too much! he can't let either of you leave. no. he won't let either of you leave. you've become shoto's lifeline, and he'll die of you disappear.

— venom!reader: if you aren't hunting down the people on your list at night, you spend the day doing the commission's dirty work. your partner, hawks, who aides you with your work, isn't the most tolerable person to be around, but he pays for your food every time the two of you go out, so you're not too keen on dropping him just yet. his constant remarks about how you should be his apprentice instead of endeavor's are a bit annoying, but you brush them off. the heroes working directly for the commission are all fucked up in some sense. you would know since you've worked for them, and your old partner form the old days is no exception. he shows you off to the media as his best friend, but just because the two of you hung out so much back when you were younger doesn't make you friends. at least in your eyes.

— venom!reader: you don't see the maniacal glint in hawks's eyes when he looks at you. he looks at you as if you're the entire world, but you don't even spare him a single glance. why? why do you not smile at him like you used to? why do you keep a distance from him? why? why do you hate him? why won't you just LOOK at him? why? why? why?

— venom!reader: weeks after the grand chase between you and the corporation's men, you're still left with a terrible reputation. you work as a hero, but the people view you as a villain, and your symbiote doesn't really help in fixing your tarnished reputation. so many people died because of the chase. you seem like such a villain. would it be surprising if you tried to join the league of villains? you join hawks as a mule in the l.o.v after much conviction, and none of the villains unsettle you as much as that guy, dabi.

— venom!reader: dabi's gaze unsettles you. it feels like he's picking you apart with his haunting sickness that has you questioning how good of an actor you are. he's clearly done his research on you when he asks about your apprenticeship under endeavor and how you live with the man. there's distaste in his tone not for just the todoroki family, but you too. the two of you fight a minute into the conversation, and you evade him so quickly, he's quite embarrassed. the two of you are forced to partner up multiple times, and it's the usual mean and snarky banter that has both of you wishing death upon the other.

— venom!reader: walking in on blood running from his eyes, you offer him your help to which he denies quite harshly. but you're adamant on gaining the trust of the league, and dabi's too tired to deal with you so he lays back on the couch and lets you clean up all the open wounds he's got. touch makes him disgusted. it has him wanting to hurl and scrub away at his skin till it bleeds all over again. but you're touch... isn't so bad. you handle him with care, something dabi thinks he's never felt before, and even though he feels that similar nausea creep up his throat, he can still let your hands ghost over his stables and open wounds.

— venom!reader: you're able to read him like an open book, and dabi hates it so damn much. he hates your sarcastic remarks. he hates your brash and reckless behavior. he hates how you treat him with such gentle care. like... like you actually care about him. it reminds him of fuyumi. he misses her. you're like her. then, he sees you get a call from that brat—that "masterpiece"—and dabi's blood boils a fury. you talk to that twerp with a tone full of care and understanding. why won't you talk to him like that? why is his puny little brother able to call you older sister? why do you smile at his words? you're supposed to smile at him. let him be your brother. damn it, the scarred villain will do anything if it means taking away everything endeavor and his damned masterpiece love. but you? endeavor doesn't matter at all. he just wants to see you call him brother. once. just once. though, dabi knows he'll lose it if you give into that wishful thinking.

⏤ venom!reader: you don't realize just how horrifying of a situation you've found yourself into until you are gifted the dead body of your next target with the name of the villain that killed the person carved on their back. there's eyes always on you, and red feathers constantly litter around the corners of your apartment. but you brush it off. you know, but you push it aside. your revenge was more important. you're so dedicated to your cause that it starts to take a toll on you physically and mentally.

⏤ venom!reader: you turn more and more villainous as you take away the lives of all the people standing in your path of revenge. you've become a blood-thirsty anti-hero, feeding your parasite human brains and yourself the blood of your enemies. you're getting closer and closer to your goal, but at what cost? the lives of so many that you've lost count? innocent and guilty—you're losing your ability to differentiate. blood, guts, and revenge are the only things on your deranged mind.

⏤ venom!reader: you keeps pushing the brewing situation away until you're running away from the very heroes and villains that are after you. you're like a ghost with how you've disappeared, but it seems like no matter where you run to, you're enamored admirers will always find you.

also, if ya'll are looking for a story with this prompt or premise, i've got the one for you. my book is called venom (link btw) and idk... now that i've gotten my e-begging out of the way, enjoy ur day.

[wingsdippedingold]

Just my opinion but I don't think the inner circle should exist as a political group that helps their BEST FRIEND lead an entire court. Reasons why:1)They are his friends so he would most likely believe their version of events instead of another person's2) biased behaviour3) they act like literal children and can't behave civil unless it's with each other4) do they actually have political experience bc half their court Hayes them and they do whatever they want. ( More reasons I can't think of atm but ygiI'm not saying that rhysand can't have people he trusts within his council but he should also have mature and experienced members who will give him good advice and won't act like a group of toddlers. He gave his friends far too much authority and freedom to act however they want. Nesta's treatment is proof that if they collectively don't like someone they will put said person through hell.Just my opinion tho, to each their own yk

And I completely agree 😭😭

Velaris is the real CoN. Court of Nepotism

Cassian and Azriel are both revered as great warriors and like super talented so whatever with them ig. But Amren? She’s useless. Morrigan’s job could go to literally anyone (don’t even get me started on the shitty “she’s a dreamer” stuff they pull as an excuse to not save anyone else from the CoN).

3) YES OMG THAT HIGH LORD MEETING WAS A MESS

4) they in fact do not. Rhysand I can understand initially because his father died abruptly, but it’s been like 409 years and he’s still an idiot.

Also he placed Cas and Az in power immediately too, so it was nepotism because there is no way they were the greatest compared to his father’s underlings. I cant remember if this is right but I’m pretty sure he like immediately got rid of his father’s advisors, which is such a dumb idea as a fresh high lord with no experience.

And for the last point they’re treatment of Nesta does totally show their immaturity and inability to not have gripping control over everything. Feyre being upset and embarrassed about her sister pissed me off so much, and there’s 0 way she’s qualified to be a high lady. Rhysand literally let’s his little knife happy Cassian run wild and is like “I know he literally obliterated part of the summer court but we forced our soldiers on to their territory that they said they didn’t want so we should be okay 🙄”

Sorry this is rushed because I totally agree and needed to brain dump 😭

[mountain-lion-gremlin]

I know I've been hella active today, but here's something to think about:

I have struggled for years to find other physical shifters, and I either find a p-shifter who just randomly mentions to me while we are talking that they are a p-shifter, or I meet people who are "supposedly" p-shifters, but have never said it.

I've noticed this trend, especially with really p-shifters. We are very quiet. We arent going to walk around screaming at the top of our lungs and crying out that we can teach p-shifting most of the time, because one, it's super stressful to many, and two, being a physical shifting flocks SO MANY beginners who just want to skip everything else and want to know how to p-shift, NOW.

I would say it's a red flag to see anyone talking about how they can teach others to p-shift. Definently ask questions, but dont invalidate. I teach when people ask, but talk about only my experiences, and others. It's important to remember, specifically for me, I am talking out of experience only, so I can be biased, wrong, and everyone should always take my advice with a grain of salt. Because I dont know better, and I'm just a random person on the internet.

And I guess I dont really get why people think that p-shifters are so bad, because we are still beings with a consciousness and feelings too. Most of the time, p-shifters who are genuinely diabolical or terrible people are just bad people.

I will say though, I've attempted p-shifting a few times, but I have yet to fully mental shift and physically shift, so I dont have much advice on p-shifting in general.

All in all, I'm just trying to say that p-shifters are just trying to exist, and I'm not going to yell loud and proud about it because I dont want to be blocked by others just because of the stereotype type attached to the p-shifter label. It's basically a death sentence to have the p-shifter label attached to your account, because of how horrible people have been under that title in the past. Using it as a 'shield' of sorts to get away with terrible acts. The label I use does not express the views I hold, nor my actions, and I hate that it's like this out in the wild, wild west of the internet.

That's all, I did say that this post was something to think about. Apparently I've been super naive to literally everything, being so sheltered on Amino. Man that place is dusty, theres so much going on here.

And I'm not here to cause issues or make a debate, just here to talk about this stuff! This blog is about shapeshifting and such, so I'm here to educate (if requested), share my identity and my experiences, and take a break from posting on my Amino. These are just lower-quality posts for my amino, and I just don't feel like it atm.

Feel free to ask questions anytime in my inbox, and thank you for reading <3

[akechi-stole-my-heart]

it's good to find someone else with the same opinion on black star like man. it was such a good idea and I loved everything except the characterisation....

YEAH . and like honestly I even liked Akira for the most part! which is really hard to do bc most people get Akira off from how I headcanon him. But his feelings about Akechi are ALL wrong and then Akechi himself is just a huge fucking mess and the biggest reason I finally dropped the fic. I loved the concept of Akira falling unconscious and the Thieves thinking he had a mental shutdown and leaving them leaderless and anguished, it's sooo good. I ended up stealing the idea for a Nanako & Akechi AU I developed (idk what I'm gonna do with it atm it's still in the developing stage and i have too many wips to make it a full fledged fic rn) bc I didn't want it to go completely wasted on black star :P

I think the thing that pissed me off about black star the most was the ending. I DNFed pretty early on but just to make sure I wasn't missing out I skipped to the end and skimmed the final chapter and it's just like. what the fuck? The author gave Akechi a redemption arc and a found family with the Thieves and then decided that's not enough and threw him into jail. Okay. Why.

And it drives me wild (derogatory) bc a lot of people said they liked the fic bc Akechi "paid the consequences for his actions" when like. Huh? Really? Three years in jail except not because he immediately joins the Shadow Ops is not "paying for his crimes." If Akechi got what he deserved he'd be fucking dead. I don't understand people's obsession with punitive justice I just don't! Akechi's suffered enough what he needs is love and an opportunity to rehabilitate and make amends.

(And really, what's the better punishment for Akechi? Jail, which is literally what he wants bc it lets him not have to think about his crimes and the guilt bc he's paying the consequences so what does it matter, or being forced to live and get better and co-exist with the people he hurt most and go through the painful experience of feeling remorse and making friends and self betterment? To me, it's definitely hands down the latter. But the author of black star so fundamentally misunderstands his character they can't get that. Ugh!)

[f0point5]

If you could change next year driver line up, how would u change it?

Hmm this is a tough question because I don’t have too too much knowledge of F2/other series to know who are the best options for replacements, but I’m going to fill them in where I can and and if I’m not sure I’ll leave it blank.

Red Bull - MV1 and DR3 - I actually don’t think Checo has been as much of a problem as people make out this year but I think next year when the field begins to converge and the top teams start coming for Red Bull, he’s going to be a constructor problem. He might even be a driver problem around those street circuits if it’s not guaranteed that Max will win everything else. I think Daniel would happily take the number 2 role from day 1 while Checo struggles to settle into it for the first few races.

Mercedes - GR63 and LH44 - I personally wouldn’t change it, because they’re two great drivers, and I’m here for the chaos. I think Merc would potentially shoot themselves in the foot by binning off one of two good drivers. Neither of them will win a title with the other in the same car but for constructors, I’d keep them both. Also I don’t like Merc as a vibe so these two tripping each other up next year is banter for me. I actually do think LH should retire but I can’t think of anyone on the grid who deserves (both in a positive and negative way) that Merc seat atm so I’m leaving him there.

Ferrari - CL16 and NH22 - Wild I know but hear me out. I think Hulk is SO much better than a Haas. He has dragged that disaster of a car to places it shouldn’t even see on a map in qualifying and he does all that can be done in the race before the tyres cook like Uncle Ben’s rice in a new microwave. I think he would be a great second driver for Charles. He could settle into the role easily, he could provide support not competition. I think he’s mature enough and would be grateful enough to do what needed to be done in a support role but also stern enough to speak up when there’s a problem, which maybe Charles doesn’t as much and Nico could be a good ally for him. I just think Charles could do with a big brother in that team and I think Nico could do that as well as scoring valuable points.

McLaren - LN4 and OP81 - This driver line up will cook by ‘25 imo but I think they’ll be good for another year.

Alpine - PG10 and EO31 - Just leave ‘em there, they’re not bothering anyone except each other.

Alpha Tauri - Liam Lawson and another rookie (Iwasa?)- I know AT are trying to move away from their RB junior roots and they want a strong development driver but it’s my game I’ll play it how I want. I like that they’re a place for young drivers to show their potential and that it’s the F1 finishing school. I think Liam Lawson deserves a chance to show he’s a contender for the post-Verstappen era, and I think Tsunoda is not their plan for Red Bull so he shouldn’t be taking up a seat in AT. I don’t know if they can get a really experienced reserve/sim driver to help with development, maybe give a chance to one of the other guys I’m mentally throwing out of seats, but I think AT should be for the up and comers.

Alfa Romeo - Theo Pourchaire and ZG24. I don’t know Theo Pourchaire too much, but I know he’s doing well in F2, and was in talks with AR for ‘24, so unless there’s another more promising rookie, give him a shot. I’d maybe like to see Arthur Leclerc in the seat just because I think he’s downright adorable but I don’t know anything about his driving. But yeah I think Bottas has had his time, he’s not providing points, Zhou seems to have a good handle on the car I don’t think Bottas is providing much in the way of mentoring. Sometimes you take the old horses out to pasture, I think it’s time. I’m leaving Zhou there another year or two because again I don’t have the knowledge of who else really needs a seat in junior categories, but if there was a stand out junior I’d chuck him. I think the line up would change again in ‘26 because I full believe there’s a seat for Sainz if he wants it, so I say give youngsters a chance while the team is in a transition period.

Aston Martin - FA14 and CS55 - I’m caveating this with it being contingent on Aston Martin recovering some form, because I wouldn’t want Sainz that far down the midfield as they are currently. That said, I think those two in the 3rd/4th fastest car would do BITS. They get on, Alonso is a man who can handle the pressure, and I think could handle Sainz and his family very well. I just see it being a competitive but harmonious pairing, and I think Sainz would calm down somewhat knowing he would for sure inherit free run of the team once Alonso retires (if Sainz doesn’t go to Audi). Also, Lance just has to go. I’m sure he does enjoy it but there’s any number of thing he could enjoy that don’t involve the negativity he deals with in this sport, that don’t involve the spotlight which he seems to hate, and frankly don’t involve being painfully mediocre. Buy a track, buy a car, race for fun. I think the Stroll situation has gone beyond a joke tbh.

Haas - SP11/YT22 and KM20 - I don’t even rate KMag but I don’t think Haas deserve a rookie and I don’t think they can afford one. I don’t think mick Schumacher was any real loss to the grid but it’s clear the Guenther didn’t have the energy, impetus, or indeed the money, to nurture a young driver. I’d give Perez first option in the seat and Yuki can have it if Perez would rather retire. I know it’s my choice but honestly I don’t think either of them would make inroads in a Haas so it doesn’t matter to me, I think they’d both produce an equally exciting performance once or twice in a season. I just think Haas needs to stick with solid, comfortable, and decidedly more experienced drivers.

Williams - AA23 and Felipe Drugovich - I think Alex is a good driver, and I almost gave him the Merc seat, but tbh I think he deserves to be a first driver, I think he deserves to have a team that believes in him built around him, and I don’t think he deserves to have his friendship with George ruined by being his teammate. So I’m leaving him at Williams, to see out that development project, and wherever they get to, he can have the credit. I’d like to see them in that Aston Martin/Alpine fight. I think Sargeant can see himself out; he’s a Mick, too expensive for a small team. I think Williams have the capability to develop a young driver, I think James says and does the right things, I think Alex has amazing mentor potential, I just think it’s wasted on Sargeant. Drugovich has a decent amount of experience, he presumably knows how not to bin it and cost a team money. Worst case scenario he’s a Sargeant, but that’s like a 1% chance. I think there’s a 99% chance he at least costs less.

These takes may be unhinged lol be glad my name isn’t Stefano Domenicalli.

[thefourchimes]

🍌🍈

Wasn't able to answer this last night as I had passed out and then I got really busy the whole day today, whoops, my bad about that, but here we go!

🍌 In your opinion, what’s the funniest joke/reference/pun you’ve made in a fic?

Ooooh...well, as mentioned in the previous ask, I haven't actually posted anything for Encanto yet, and while I probably have a lot of possible choices from my other fandoms, I can't remember any from the others off the top of my head atm oof

Plus most of my stuff is angst instead of crack AHSFUIHAFS but I'll do my best

So yes, a joke/reference/pun I've made for a fic...I honestly have a few in mind right now for Encanto, ones from the 233 page AU, but if I say it now, it'll lose its magic when I hopefully post it AHSFUHASF

I'll probably just mention this one scene I had written for the one All of Us Are Dead fic I have, one that still makes me laugh every time I reread it:

It probably doesn't help that my sense of humor sucks but it's funny to me at least HASUFHASF

My bad if I wasn't really able to answer this properly 😅

🍈 Who’s your blorbo and what are some of your favorite headcanons/ideas about them that repeatedly show up in your fics? Free pass to rant about blorbo opinions.

Ah, this question <3

I don't think I made it too obvious as to who my blorbo is before, besides a few posts and the fact that I love all the cool sisters so much, so yeah, guess it's time to "reveal" it

It's Isabela

I remember watching Encanto again all those months ago, the moment where my hyperfixation was about to rear its head and grab me by the throat, never letting go

As that was happening, the feral, chaotic, and unhinged cactus gremlin sister decided to jump me too

I can't remember exactly when I knew she was my favorite, but I just knew that she already was before I even fully realized it

I had WECID on repeat for a long while at one point

I think her exploring herself after everything hit me hard, I relate to her so much in a way, ngl... (except the hilarious thing is that I'm not even Isabela in this case, I'm the youngest out of my three siblings so I'm technically Mirabel in a sense ASHFIASF)

But anyway, I digress, my thoughts on her (along with my ideas for her that pop up in fics—er, will pop up anyway) are so wild that I'm not too sure on how to write it down in paragraph form, plus it probably won't be anything new since someone else in the fandom has probably already mentioned these, but I guess we keep going with it in a chaotic and wild way, true to Isabela's character (apologies in advance for the explosion of thoughts—except also not really sorry):

She's chaos incarnate, a force of nature that is so very extra and so petty as hell but it's okay because we love it sm

We don't get to see it all as much though because of her mask, but that just makes me even happier since she gets to be free post movie

She's acrobatic and athletic as seen in WECID, not to mention her skill with vine swinging, but that doesn't mean she didn't get at least a bit of clumsy genes from Agustin in some way, she just hides it pretty well due to her mask of perfection

She's always colorful and changing colors every time, experimenting with all the possibilities and she changes the color of her hair strand a lot too

She makes and discovers and explores all kinds of plants (ones she keeps track of to know what they are and what they can do), but we all know she has a soft spot for cacti <3

She knows a lot about flower and plant language, whether already having knowledge during the movie or learning after

She loves her family so much that she would and has sacrificed her happiness for them, that's something I admire so much but am also sad about because she really loves her family that she wants them happy even if she can't be happy, ow—

This seems to be a consensus the fandom has: she's one of the ones who will most likely murder someone and will kill for her siblings, very protective of her sisters and her family <3

Speaking of which, she has a ridiculously overpowered gift, one she has just as ridiculous control over as well, that I cackle and shake my head every time when someone just underestimates her and her gift

We know how she wants to be free but is feeling trapped as she's forced into perfection, half due to her own making and half due to others boxing her in, so there are lots of fake smiles and pretending on her part, but that does mean she's a pretty good actress considering she had everyone fooled for so long

I fucking love her bonds and relationships with her sisters and her cousins, but, as my PFP is indicating, especially the cool sisters

They weren't close with each other for several reasons for a long while, not even mentioning the strained relationship between her and Mirabel, but to see them have the chance to connect again and make up for everything was done and all that happened after the events of the movie? I love it so much aaaaaa

She teases the hell out of them in various ways, that's for sure, the sister vibes are so real <33

But that doesn't mean the cousins are left out here, ofc, the exploration of dynamics is always so nice and fun to see

I love all the grandkids so much <33333

I want to keep going so badly but I feel like I'd never finish this ask if I do AUISFHUIASHF plus I'm very sure I forgot something, but oof 😔

Ngl, this was me the entire time I was trying to answer this question:

Isabela <33

yep, that tracks HASFUIAHSF but yeah, thanks for the ask!! :DD <33

[mamadoe]

👢 Showbird - Chapter 10

Summary || 

When Akira moved to Fukuoka to pursue her dancing career, life was easy. However, when her father has an unexpected health crisis, she needs consistent work in the worst way to help support her parents back in her hometown. A day job lined up at one of the Hero Agencies promises good pay for the time being, but she didn't expect not only to meet but get to know the Pro Hero the agency is named after.

Follow Akira's perspective with some of Keigo Takami's sprinkled in.

~~~

Complete Masterlist

Also on AO3 Pairing || Keigo Takami (age 22 at start)/Akira (Fem OC, age 23 at start)

Warning || none that I can think of atm

WC || 8229

~~~

Days are melting together again now that Akira is back in the office. Notably enough, Keigo isn’t seeking her out the way he used to, putting her on edge. Though, she can only assume it’s because of the workload; even she can tell based on the sheer amount of cases coming across the screens just how hard he is working. Still, she can’t deny the ache in her chest after their phone calls, ones filled with their usual banter but laced with a new kind of tension as they tiptoe around the obvious. Though Akira is too scared to give power to the words that linger on the tip of her tongue after seeing him on TV - his tired eyes growing darker, his movements more sluggish. It is probably nothing except for how overworked he has become in the past weeks, but she can’t help but wonder if it’s something more. Even Nobari and Ioni have taken notice of how his persona is slipping and have brought it up, and all Akira can do is dismiss it in fear of letting her imagination run wild with what it all could mean, especially after the abrupt way their last encounter ended.

“You coming with us tonight?” Yuri’s voice pulls Akira’s attention from her computer screen, and she’s not even registering any of it since she’s lost in thought. Her eyes are dry and itchy from all the screen time, and she can’t help rubbing the base of her palms into her eyes, pushing her glasses up her forehead in the process.

“Sorry, what?” Yuri’s exasperated scoff and sigh from being ignored make her smile slightly.

“Gah, what am I going to do with you?” He swats at her arm, earning a laugh. “It’s Ren’s birthday, remember?” She nods as he speaks.

“That’s right, it’s his 28th,” she acknowledges, and upon her recollection, he smiles and sighs approvingly.

“So are you coming?” He chimes, and she almost feels bad for telling him no.

“I can’t. I’m so sorry. My mom is coming to visit for the weekend, remember?”

“Right! Oh, that’s right, I’m sorry. She’s doing better?”

“Yeah, a little bit. I think it’ll be good for her to get away.” When her mom had called earlier in the week to ask if spending the weekend would work, Akira was excited to get to see her outside of the context of everything that’s happened in the past few months. It would be nice to catch up and reconnect. She can only hope her mother is in that kind of headspace and that the visit will be a rejuvenating one. Now with it being Friday and her arrival this evening looming, the anxiety is starting to bubble in her chest.

“Well, that’s good! I hope her visit is everything you both need,” he smiles and gives her elbow a little nudge. “You’ll have to tell me how telling her about Hawks goes.” Akira rolls her eyes before shushing him and returning his nudge with a stronger one. The last thing she needs is someone else in the agency to find out. It’s at this moment she regrets confessing to Yuri their complicated relationship, even if it is just surface-level details. It is enough ammo to still tease the crap out of her. In the same breath, she appreciates his openness, and with his vow to keep everything a secret, he’s been a good friend to her in the past weeks as she vents her feelings and worries. Though his attempts to remind her that he’s just busy and is probably waiting for things to slow down work-wise before pushing forward with her fall on deaf ears.

“You and I both know I don’t want to tell her that if I can help it. She doesn’t need to worry about me any more than she needs to.”

“Ha, like she doesn’t need to know about your dancing?” He teases and earns another push. “Okay, okay, I get it. It’s complicated. I’ll stop. Just remember she’s just your mother, and she has every right to worry.” He pokes the side of her head and gives it a light push.

“Thanks, you dweeb,” she mocks in return. Yuri laughs and stands to leave after shutting down his computer.

“You planning on staying late again?”

“No, not tonight. I have to run a couple of errands on my way home before picking her up from the station, which,” she glances at the time, “I guess, I should be finishing up.”

“Do you want me to wait for you?” After she confessed to him what happened that night on her way home, he’s been more attentive to make sure she doesn’t end up in that kind of position again.

“Nah, I’m just going to the subway, then the store for some groceries. Maybe stop to grab some sake and flowers, but we will see.”

 With a nod, Yuri pats her on the shoulder before waving as he leaves, casting a call me if you need to vent over his shoulder.

A quick stretch and she refocuses on her screen to close her cases for the day. One of them has been bouncing back to her center for a few days now - a single father of a small child who was left widowed after his wife died as a result of an accident several months back. She recognizes the name on the file, the photo of the young father, the little boy holding a stuffed animal to his chest, and the now-deceased young woman. This part right here is what makes the job so difficult. Just a few days prior when she got this file on her workstation for the first time, she had to step away to cry in the bathroom. No one should have to die like that or leave loved ones to deal with the aftermath in such a way. She’s been trying to get their claims approved all week, but it keeps getting rejected back by the insurance company. While she doesn’t want to leave the case open over the weekend, she doesn’t have much of a choice if she wants to get everything done in time to meet her mother at the station in time. With a heavy sigh, she shuts down her computer and grabs her purse. She will deal with it first thing Monday morning.

On her way out, she considers taking the elevator up to Keigo’s floor but the likelihood of finding him there is slim. On top of that, she doesn’t want to run into his main agent, who in passing has given her sharp glances and frowns of disdain. Akira isn’t sure what all she knows, but she sure doesn’t make Akira feel welcome up there anymore. Besides, she doesn’t have the time to spare today anyway, no matter how much she wants to simply see his face.

It’s not long before she has made her way down the street to the subway station. Her ride isn’t very long, but the subway car is full during rush hour. She’s lucky to catch a seat near the door, passively scrolling on her phone to pass the time. She’s not sure when exactly the stranger beside her joined her, but his voice draws her attention.

“This is going to sound weird, but do I know you?” She glances up at the stranger and his gray suit and tie. His face is plain, and he doesn’t spark any recollection; however, working at The Den, maybe he is a regular? Or maybe he also works at the agency and they had seen each other in passing?

“I’m sorry, no, I don’t think so?” She answers apologetically.

“Well, are you Hatori Akira?” She raises a brow.

“Depends who’s asking. Who are you?” His voice lowers, and it’s almost lost in the noise of the subway and packed-in strangers around them.

“I’m with Juko News. You know, you’re a hard one to track down.” Immediately, her shoulders tense, and she straightens up in her seat. Of course, one of them would corner her in a packed train car to get her to talk. After the issues with the press, she got coaching from Keigo’s agent on how to handle them in the future - keep walking, don’t confirm or deny anything, and don’t react. Of course, in this predicament, she has nowhere to go to get away from him until they arrive at the next stop, so she takes a slow, deep breath to steady herself.

“Have you ever considered that maybe people who are hard to find don’t want to be found?” She keeps her voice low, so the people around her don’t take notice. A soft chuckle from her unwanted partner makes her skin itch.

“Well, I just have a few questions, and if you don’t want to answer them, that’s fine,” he dismisses her question as he pulls a little pad from his pocket, and she lets another calming breath loose. Keep a straight face, don’t react, and remain calm. “When did you start working at Hawks Hero Agency?” Her eyes wander across the floor, tracing the soles of other passengers’ shoes. When she doesn’t answer after a few moments, he scribbles on his notepad. “I know you’ve gotten this one before, but I must ask. Are you and Hawks a couple? A fling? Surely, there is something after all those photos got leaked.” Again, she keeps as straight of a face as she can as her eyes fall on a pair of simple, red flats. All else starts to fade away from the edges of her vision as she keeps her focused gaze on them. After another few moments, he scribbles and presses on. “How about your work outside of the agency?” Her ear twitches. What does he mean by that? She bites her tongue, her mind starting to race. “I’m sure they know of your risqué form of work, is that correct?” She attempts to school her breathing into more calming breaths, but she knows she is starting to slip under his pressing. He can see it, too. “Though, according to my findings, you haven’t been performing, have you? Unless you moved companies.” Her heart is banging against her chest. If he knows this much, what else does he know? How will he use that against her? With a slow, steadying breath, keeping her eyes wholly focused on those red flats to avoid his prying gaze, she draws her shoulders back before she speaks.

“I do not want to speak with you,” she says firmly before standing and moving a few steps toward the door, stepping around the people in her path. When he follows, she stifles a groan.

“I only have one more question.” As he presses into her personal space, her instinct to hiss at him rises, but she does her best to press it down, to not make a scene or react. The train is slowing as the next platform nears, so she is nearly free. Once the doors are open, she can make a run for it. That still doesn’t prepare her for what he practically whispers into her ear. “Does the agency know of your relationship with Pro Hero Todo Hikari?”

Her heart nearly stops, her eyes widening slightly as the terror rises. No one aside from a handful of her closest friends and family know of her relationship with Hikari, so how is this press scumbag bringing it up? It’s been three years since the incident, so surely it can’t be relevant anymore. Then again, with rumors of Hawks dating a girl who works at his agency who just so happens to have a past with another Pro Hero? She can only imagine the kind of headline that would be and how much money that would make. As the train slows and the platform comes into view through the windows, he presses once more.

“What relationship did you have?” All else falls away, her vision blurring with weak tears, and it’s almost like she can see him standing before her, though his face is distorted by the blurring optics of the lights reflecting on the glass of the door. Hikari. My warrior, my hero. When she doesn’t respond, he risks touching her shoulder, making her jolt back into reality. Slowly she meets this bastard’s eyes for the first time since his questioning started, and the dead, visceral look she gives makes him take a step back.

“Whatever we had, it died with him.” Her voice is harsh, quiet, and dark. Based on how he takes another step back like she is about to bite, she hopes her tone works at discouraging him from following her. With that, she steps from the train and makes her way back above ground, leaving him behind in the bustle of rush hour.

-*-*-*-

A couple of hours after Akira ran into that bastard from Juko News, she is sitting on a bench at the train platform waiting for her mother to arrive. Upon fleeing the subway station, she diverted her energy to her errands and completed them as quickly as possible before heading home. Paranoid the entire time, she took different paths than she wouldn’t normally take, and thankfully, she didn’t see that scumbag again. In an attempt to burn off her anxious energy, she poured it into tidying her apartment and making it presentable - the photos of her friends at the dance hall now hidden in a box under her bed, her dance clothes stashed in a laundry bag in the back of her closet. She even managed to throw together a meal in the slow cooker, so something would be ready when they got back.

Sitting with her legs crossed, she pulls her phone from her pocket to check the time. It’s later than expected, but she knows the train sometimes runs late. She brought her headphones, but to hear the train approaching, she has one ear exposed while music plays in the other, a pleasant change from the hurricane of thoughts that have swarmed since her encounter. While she hopes nothing will come of it, she sighs and opens her chat with Keigo.

It’s been a few days. Hope you’re doing okay.

Just a heads up, a guy from Juko News caught me on the subway today. I tried to ignore him. Hopefully nothing comes of that.

After a few minutes of no response, she sighs. He must be really busy tonight. Sucking on her teeth, she sends another.

I need to talk to you about something before someone else does. Whenever you get the chance, let me know, and we can meet up.

The sound of the approaching train pulls her away from her phone and pushes all thoughts of the train incident out of her mind, so she quickly pockets her phone and stands. As it slows to a stop, she can see her mother’s face between the window frames. Even from afar, she can tell she is much more herself. Her face is more relaxed, and she’s been taking care of herself. Once she steps off the train, Akira hurries to hug her, dwarfing her since she is a few inches taller than her mother, getting her height from her dad.

“Oh, there you are!” Her mother’s laugh is contagious as she pulls her in tightly. “Look at you!” She squeezes Akira’s face between her hands. “You look so good! I’m glad you’re doing better.”

“You, too, Amma,” Akira smiles and takes her suitcase. Now closer, she can see the familiar fine lines across the features of her mother’s face, but already she can tell her usual youthfulness has returned; though, the grey hairs in her long black hair have multiplied. “Let's get home. I have dinner ready.” Just the thought of a warm meal melts Amma’s heart, and they head to her apartment.

The evening stretches on as they settle in, talk, and eat. It’s been years since they’ve connected like this, and Akira had forgotten how much she missed it, even if she felt the need to curate herself to her mother’s expectations. From memories of growing up at the old house to stories of her parents when they were young. From talking about her work at the agency to tiptoeing around the details of her dancing. They even touched on her father’s condition, and to her relief, he’s starting to improve, if only slowly. He can speak a few simple sentences now, and he’s in physical therapy. Naturally, the discussion eventually falls on the topic of Akira’s love life.

“So,” Amma hums from her spot on the couch, Akira’s usual spot, the spare blanket draped over her legs. Akira sits opposite of her with her own, the one Keigo used and the one that has kept her company since the last they saw each other, “seeing anyone? You never tell us these things anymore.” Amma sips from her sake glass as Akira blushes slightly and sighs, resting her head on her arm that’s along the back of the couch.

“Well, that’s… complicated.” Amma’s interest piqued, that small light in her eyes sparkling, she leans over slightly. Akira bites her tongue, unsure if she wants to open up this conversation in the first place.

“What kind of complicated?”

“Stupidly complicated.” She pouts when Amma laughs.

“Well, uncomplicated it for me. We have time.” Akira glances away, mulling it over one more time. However, she decides to just rip off the bandaid. She knows she’s not a good liar, and her mother could always pinpoint when she tried. Let alone now that they have both had a little bit to drink, and Akira’s nose and lips are growing slightly tingly, the first signs of a buzz coming on.

“Well, let’s see,” Akira rolls her tongue over her teeth as she carefully considers what information she can share. “There is someone, but it isn’t official.” Amma urges her to continue as she sips some more, and Akira sighs. “I know you’re not going to like who it is,” she says softly, glancing toward her mother’s curious eyes but quickly glancing away, unable to hold her all-seeing gaze.

“Can’t be worse than that hero boy,” she scoffs softly and continues to drink, but when Akira’s blush deepens, and she refuses to answer, her fingers twiddling with a loose thread on the blanket’s edge, Amma straightens up as she nearly chokes on her drink. Once she clears her throat, she sets her glass aside and sighs. “Oh, Akira, you didn’t,” she whispers in almost disbelief. When Akira shushes her in return, Amma’s sharp laugh rings out, making her flinch.

“Please, don’t make this a big deal. It’s not like I meant for this to happen,” she groans and rubs her face in her hands as if that will soften her embarrassment and drain the redness from her cheeks. After a moment to compose her disbelief, Amma sighs and smiles softly. When Akira was growing up, she always teased that she was her little fool, and in an instance like this, she can’t help but be reminded of her daughter’s wandering heart.

“Akira, dear, you have a way of picking men, and I pity you,” Amma teases before leaning over more. “So, tell me, who is it? It is a man, right?” With an exaggerated eye roll, Akira can’t help but nod.

“Yes, he’s a man.” Her mom is fully aware Akira is bi, and her little poke weirdly eases some of the anxiety building. “And I know for a fact you know of him.”

“Oh, a big name?” She pauses to take in Akira’s embarrassed, blushing face. Seeing her this way is very reminiscent of how she shyly told her parents about Hikari and begged to keep it a secret because he hadn’t told anyone yet, and they were trying to keep it private for the time being. Little did they know at the time, it would never make it to public knowledge.

“Yes.” Akira bites her lip as she watches her mother consider, running down a list of names mentally.

“Well, I would hope it’s not Endeavor. He’s married.”

“Amma! Please, take this seriously,” she groans loudly, pulling her blanket up to shield herself. “No, absolutely not.” The memory of dancing for him flashes behind her eyes, the way his fire-laced eyes skated over her skin, and she almost groans a second time. She can’t believe she felt some sort of way about her performances for him at one point. Now just the idea of him makes her stomach turn, especially in the context of imagining a relationship. Keigo had opened up about Endeavor only a little bit in passing, and what she heard she didn’t like.

“Edgeshot? I mean, I think he’s still a little too old for you, in my opinion, but-“

“No. And he’s only nine years older. Not that big of an age gap,” Akira teases in return. Amma pauses again to consider. Admittedly, she isn’t up to date on the current heroes list. It’s not something she needed to know while living in their small town. Akira starts to pick at her nails nervously, but when Amma’s eyes light up with recognition, Akira knows she is caught.

“Is it that Hawks guy? He’s young, isn’t he?” She raises a brow as Akira fidgets under her mother’s watchful eye.

“He’s 23,” she admits defeatedly, earning a small teasing laugh.

“Ah, just a year younger than you. And a bright one, huh? He comes off pretty flashy, but I can see it. What rank is he now?” Akira hesitates, and as Amma witnesses her expression fall, she knows the answer isn’t good.

“Number 2.” The silence between them grows as the light atmosphere dies, and her mother’s expression falls with hers.

“Akira,” she deflates, her tone dropping like she’s reprimanding a child. When Akira refuses to meet her eyes, she reaches over to take hold of her hands. “You know the risk. I know you do. Hikari-“

“Don’t.” She begs as her throat automatically tightens at the mention of his name for the second time today. “I know, it’s stupid and risky. You don’t think I don’t think about that every single day?” Akira’s sharp eyes snap up to her mother’s with those damn burning tears in the corners of her eyes. “It’s been three years, Amma.” Her voice weakens and trembles. “I’m tired of pretending it didn’t happen. I’m tired of being alone. But…,” her breath is hot as she sighs deeply as she attempts to wipe the suddenly overwhelming tears on her shoulder, “this wasn’t a chase, all right? We just-,” she takes a shaky breath, her words dying in her tightening throat. When the tears keep coming, her mother scooches closer to wipe her tears and pull her into a hug.

“Oh, my dear, no. I know,” she comforts into the top of her head as she cradles her closer. They let the silence grow, Akira’s silent tears soaking into her mother’s shirt. When Amma decides to speak, it is gentle as her fingers caress her curly hair. “I just don’t want to see you get hurt like that again.” Akira tries to pull away to wipe her tears properly, but Amma stops her, taking her wet face in her hands. “But if this is the path you’ve chosen, you don’t have to walk it alone. Okay?” She pets her hair back from her face tenderly, and Akira nods into her hands.

“I know.” As her mother’s fingers lightly tuck her loose bits of hair behind her ears, Akira can’t help but feel like a child again, but after the whirlwind of the past few months, it’s a welcome comfort. After a few moments and Akira’s demeanor relaxes once more, Amma smiles teasingly.

“So, are you going to tell me about him?” With a small, wet laugh, Akira tries to clear her throat and finishes wiping her face with the edge of her blanket.

“Well, we met at work, by accident. Started out being friendly, just friends for a while. It was actually his help that allowed me to take that month off to come help you. He’s a good friend.” As Akira recalls the big beats of their friendship, Amma relaxes back into her spot, a small smile forming at the corners of her lips. Seeing how Akira eases into opening up, how her reddened face relaxes when she talks about him, she knows she’ll be okay.

“I’ll have to thank him someday. I wouldn’t have been able to do that without you,” she praises softly, resting her head on her hand, and Akira nods.

“After I came back, we’ve been… I don’t know. We’ve always flirted, but it’s been different. It’s just- it’s a busy season now, and he’s gone a lot, so I don’t get to see him much these days.” Her mother hums considerately.

“So it’s not public yet?”

“No, we aren’t even official. Though, the press thinks otherwise. I’ve had a couple run-ins with them now,” Akira groans again. Her mother’s laugh is light and teasing.

“You think it’ll be rough once it’s out? At least with-,” she hesitates and steps around saying Hikari’s name, “before, you had the luxury of privacy. But with him?” She laughs after a small scoff. “I don’t know much about that kind of stuff, but even back home, we know of him. Word spreads like wildfire, let alone when it’s involving someone like a pro hero of his caliber.”

“I know,” Akira apprehensively glances around her thoroughly-settled apartment, “I’ll probably have to move,” she jokes and they both laugh. After a light pause, Amma’s voice softens.

“Is that something you’re willing to give up for him? Your privacy?” Amma asks, eyes watching Akira’s face closely, gauging her response. Akira hesitates only a moment or two before nodding.

“Yes, I think so.”

As the evening drifts by, they continue discussing Hawks, Akira pointedly avoids saying his real name out of respect. That’s not her secret to share. Even when they move from the couch to the kitchen to clean up dinner, Amma keeps the questions coming, and Akira answers willingly. Have they kissed? Been on a date? How often do they see each other? How soon after making it official will it be made public? Will there be periods he won’t be around? All good questions, most of which she has answers to, but a few she doesn’t. Though, she hopes she will have them soon. Her complicated feelings around not seeing him the past weeks coupled with her nerves make a stomach-turning mix that she can’t handle for much longer.

-*-*-*-

It was supposed to be a typical Friday, but the planets aligned in such a way that Keigo and Enji haven’t been able to stop. Between things amping up and the usual teasing border lining on bullying between the two heroes, Keigo’s heat is finally starting to ebb but at the worst possible time. As it begins to burn itself off, he feels the weight of its absence, his energy plummeting and his movements sluggish. While he’s really appreciative of it finally coming to an end after it overstayed its welcome for weeks, the perks of its presence are waning as well, but he can’t stop, not yet. He’s so close to burning out, but he just needs a few more days, and he will have some much-needed time off and finally have the time to seek out Akira.

God, Akira, she’s a whole other thing that’s thoroughly pressed to the forefront of his mind, as always. After leaving her sitting alone in her dark apartment that morning, that small, weak part of him cracked. In his resolve to push through, however, he has had to put her to the side, and he knows that must be making her feel some sort of way. Even on their calls, the tinge of worry in her tone is obvious, and Nobari was right - Akira is a terrible liar, so when he asks what’s on her mind, her stuttering self can’t hide it, try as she might. He wants nothing more than to just air his dirty laundry and confess everything that’s been going on with him. How his heat has made it impossible to be near her but he can’t stray far either. How he feels when he thinks about her, when he sees her. How just the thought of her being followed home made his blood boil and he would have done anything at that moment if it meant keeping her safe. At least now with his heat’s end in sight, he can finally breathe a sigh of relief. He will tell her once it’s past.

“‘Ey, kid, act alive!” Enji yells before throwing a small rock at Keigo’s head, which he dodges easily, and one of his feathers slingshots it back at the larger hero, who isn’t as quick to dodge. A tension headache immediately erupts across Keigo’s forehead and behind his eyes, and he glares at his partner. “God, kid, you’ve got it bad. Can’t even hold a conversation with you.” Keigo considers shooting him a snide comment, but he doesn’t have the energy. Instead, he sighs, his hand rubbing the side of his face.

“You know, you have a way of pissing people off,” Keigo groans and squats down to watch the streets below. Enji sneers before approaching to join him along the railing of the building they are using as their perch, rubbing the spot the rock impacted to soothe the pain.

“Ya know, you’d be a lot more pleasant to be around if you just got it over with instead of holding onto it. You’ve been so damn irritable.”

“For more reasons than one,” he glares out of the corner of his eye toward his literal hot head of a partner.

“Yeah, and the main one is that girl, right?” When Keigo doesn’t answer, Enji sniffs in pride and leans into the railing. “Why are you making this so hard? Just fuckin’ tell her already.” They have talked about Akira before, but the longer Keigo’s gone without seeing her, she’s become a sore subject between them, one he avoids at all costs. Hearing her name in Enji’s voice makes the hair on the back of his neck stand on end, and thankfully, the older man finally caught on and started just referring to her as that girl, which isn’t much better, but it takes the possessive edge off, at least. When they were assigned to patrol together today, he knew Enji would bring her up eventually, and now under the late afternoon sun, exhausted and grumpy from the laborious patrol, he wishes he could leave him on the roof. But their shift isn’t done yet, so there is no way to avoid his prying now.

“Not that it’s any of your business,” Keigo sighs and rubs the back of his neck in a feeble attempt to ease some of his built-up tension. After sucking on his teeth, he chooses the path with the least resistance. “She likes me. At least, I would hope so, considering she was going to kiss me before you called.” He sends Enji a glare over the collar of his jacket. “And I like her, obviously.”

“Obviously,” he mocks in return. Anything to ruffle his feathers. “So what’s the problem?” Keigo sighs deeply and gestures widely to himself, making Enji’s flaming eyebrow lift questioningly.

“I’m not myself right now. You of all people know that. I could lose myself and hurt her or scare her off. And I don’t want to do that.” The hand on his neck slips forward to cover the lower half of his face instinctively. Saying it out loud gives it power it didn’t have before. “So I’m staying away,” he sighs under his breath. Enji hums beside him.

“Have you told her that? That that’s why you’re not going to see her?”

“No,” he says softly. He should have told her sooner. He knows that. He feels stupid for not at least hinting at it, but again, from fear of giving the desire more power over him than it already had, he kept his mouth shut.

“Well, there’s your problem. You said your heat thing should be over in about a week, right? That’s when you get your break?” Keigo nods slightly. “Well, there you go. Fix it, kid. Tell her. Don’t make her wait that long. Who knows, maybe in the time you’ve been fucking around, she thinks you moved on and is looking for someone else.” The immediate image of Akira in bed with another person over her makes him freeze, his wings tensing against his back protectively. He hadn’t considered that possibility. He doesn’t think he gave her that perception, that he wasn’t interested, but then again, maybe in staying away he hadn’t affirmed he was either. Though he hates to admit it, Enji has a point. With a heavy sigh, he pulls his phone from his pocket, and when he sees her name at the top, he quickly checks her messages, and immediately his feathers bristle, earning a glance from Enji as he scans the screen as well. Despite the warning of another bump-in with the press, the only thing that piques his interest is the final message.

I need to talk to you about something before someone else does.

“Shiiiiit,” he groans slowly, rubbing the lower half of his face with his hand in an attempt to self-soothe. Fucking fantastic. A snide chuckle from his partner earns him another glare.

“See, you need to stomp that fire out before it gets outta hand.” Keigo snorts as his eyes trace the words again and again. What does she want to tell him? Could be a lot of things, but the newly planted seed of doubt, of her wanting someone else, the image of her limbs interlaced with someone else’s, grows quickly. When he falls silent, Enji sighs and gives him a push. “Go home and shower. You fucking need it.” When Keigo looks at him skeptically, irritation painted on his face, Enji groans. “God, you’re helpless. I’ve got it, just go and get it done already. Your head’s not in the game when you’re like this.” For a moment, Keigo doesn’t move, the fear of actually confronting this now rising in his veins, but after a moment of hesitation, he doesn’t let it take over. With a sigh, he nods.

“Fine, you ass. Don’t be stupid while I’m gone.” Keigo pulls his visor down, but Enji catches him before he takes off.

“For the record, you’ll do just fine. If she likes you, you don’t have anything to worry about.” Enji gives his shoulder an almost uncomfortable pat. If he didn’t know any better, he would assume he didn’t have kids because of how unnatural it felt coming from him. Then again, Keigo knows Enji isn’t the best father either, so it’s not a surprise it comes off almost robotic. “Now go get her. Out of anyone, you earned a break.” Keigo’s eyes roll, but a smirk picks up his expression from the subtle praise. With a newfound determination, Keigo steps off the side of the building, falling several floors before his wings catch air, and he takes off for his apartment.

-*-*-*-

Freshly showered and dressed in day clothes, Keigo flies toward Akira’s apartment a few hours later. He had sent a response that he was on his way over before leaving his place, but he resolutely decided to leave his phone at home after all the trouble it caused last time. It’s dark now, stars littering the darkened sky, but it’s not late, so he hopes she didn’t go out with Yuri, or worse, go on a date in his absence. A pang of jealousy strikes his chest just at the thought, making him scoff at himself. She’s not even his, but tell that possessive part of his bird brain. The air is crisp, but not too cold, reviving him and washing away any remaining irritability from before as he flies. His heart is already in his throat as her balcony comes into view, and a wave of relief and new-found anxiety washes over him when he sees the lights are on inside. Coming to a soft landing, he takes a moment to smooth his shirt, but when he looks up, he doesn’t find her alone.

Akira and another woman are standing at the kitchen counters, chatting softly as they clean. Another sudden wave of jealousy rises, but he takes in the sweetly domestic moment before he recognizes who she must be - Akira’s mother. Shit, that’s right, she told him earlier this week that she was coming this weekend, but in the whirlwind of his schedule, he had forgotten. In a brief panic, he almost turns to leave, but with the balcony door being left open, he can hear their soft chatting. Akira’s voice is laced with a tenderness he has only heard a couple of times, but it always brings a sense of peace, no matter the circumstance. His ear twitches when his hero name drops between them, and he can’t help the small smile that graces his face, but it doesn’t last as he realizes he has found himself eavesdropping on her life within the walls of her apartment for a second time. He sighs under his breath before moving to the railing, leaning on it to get his bearings.

He must have made some sort of noise to gain Amma’s attention. Her mother turns and catches a glimpse of his red wings in the dark and gasps softly, sparking a brief startle before recognition replaces the initial fear. She watches for a moment, sees how he stands against Akira’s railing, looking down at the street, and when he starts to step up on the railing, Amma bats at Akira’s arm to get her attention quickly. When Akira quickly turns, matching her mother’s urgent energy, she catches his form in the dark, and her breath hitches. She hasn’t seen him since that early morning, and having him suddenly on her balcony under the moonlight takes her breath away. When she realizes he’s about to take off, however, she quickly wipes her wet hands on a towel and scurries over to the door.

“Hawks,” she whispers harshly. While it is the sound of the sliding door opening more that stops him in his tracks, it is her voice that makes him turn, and he almost gasps. She looks so much healthier than she did before; she is practically glowing. Even in her usual t-shirt and her hair messily tied up on the back of her head in the form of a ponytail, the warm feeling rising in his chest confirms just how much he missed seeing her, but seeing her under the moonlight? Radiance incarnate. She hesitates in the doorway, glancing back at her mother, before stepping out to join him on the balcony. Upon closer inspection, she can see the circles under his eyes are just as bad as they are on TV, pulling her apprehensive smile into a frown.

“Everything okay?” She whispers, her brows already drawn together with concern at his unexpected visit. The soft smile that graces his face immediately makes her blush. Of course, her first concern would be to check on him.

“Yeah, everything’s fine, little bird. Sorry, it’s short notice. I did text ya, but,” he gestures with a glance toward her mother who’s attempting to pretend to clean as she eavesdrops from the kitchen, “you’ve been busy. I forgot she was coming up this weekend.” After remembering she left her phone in her jacket pocket, Akira crosses her arms firmly over her chest.

“Right,” she says softly, glancing toward her mother, earning a little wave before Amma turns back to the kitchen sink. Akira’s blush deepens before she casts him a harsh look and an even harsher whisper. “Where the hell have you been?”

“Well, I-,” he pauses as he scans her attempt at a serious face. “I know I messed up by not showing up sooner, but I promise, I can explain, if you will hear me out.” The clinking of dishes in the sink pulls both of their attention back toward the door, and Akira instinctively slides the door shut. At least, her mother won’t be able to hear, but they are thoroughly being observed.

“Go on,” Akira says pensively, her arms returned to being crossed as she leans against the railing beside him. “But we don’t have much time.” Another glance at her mother through the glass, and Amma’s confused expression makes her laugh a little. “We’re basically an exhibit at a museum.” His laugh is soft in return before he wipes the lower half of his face, his scruff scratching his palm as he hums.

“Would it be too much to ask for some of your time? Without an audience?” He asks as his eyes land on her bare fingers resting on her bicep, reddened from cleaning, much like how they appeared in the cold of winter.

“Hm, what do you have in mind?” She meets his gaze, and his small grin makes her groan. “We’re going flying, aren’t we?”

“Well, it is a beautiful night for a flight, and I have just the place in mind,” he teases softly before looking up and making eye contact with Akira’s mother. Her eyes are large and dark, much like Akira’s. He sends a small wave and a smile her way, earning a wave in return before she gestures for them to come inside. Akira bites her lip apprehensively, glancing between him and the door. Does she want to take him up on his offer? Of course, she does. Does she want to deal with the heat from her mother when she gets back? Probably not. But it’s too late for that when Keigo leans in close to grab her attention.

“May I?” He gestures with his eyes toward the sliding door. Continuing to bite her lip, she gives her mom a shy glance.

“Are you sure? I mean, she can be kind of intense,” she whispers as her shoulders rise protectively. When she realizes how close he is leaning in, it’s as if she is seeing him for the first time, taking note of his day clothes and how his sleeves are rolled up to reveal the faint scars on his forearms.

“Positive,” he smiles warmly and waits for her to give him an affirming nod before pulling the door open and gesturing for her to go first. With a deep steadying breath, she steps in and sends her mother a warning smile, as if she can read her begging expression to behave herself.

Immediately upon stepping in, Keigo notices the photos of The Den crew aren’t on the shelves, and her dancing shoes she usually leaves by the door are gone. Right, her parents don’t know. Swallowing down her nerves, Akira glances between Keigo and her mother, who isn’t even trying to hide the smile on her face.

“You must be Hawks,” her mother greets as she dries her hands, taking the couple in as they stand together by the door. Seeing how flushed Akira already is, their familiar nature as they stand close to one another, how his eyes soften as he looks at her. Yeah, they’ll be okay.

“Yes, ma’am.” He practically beams as he steps around the living room’s coffee table to greet her properly with a deep, almost flamboyant bow. “At your service. It’s an honor. I hope Mr. Hatori is doing well.” Amma’s eyes widen ever so slightly as she glances at Akira, who meekly smiles in return, shrugging shyly. She can’t stop herself from fiddling with her bare fingers, her rings discarded in her ring dish so that they could clean up after dinner.

“Yes, he is doing much better, thank you,” Amma grins. “Do you often make night visits?” She mocks, and Akira’s face turns red.

“Amma, please,” she practically begs before glancing at Keigo, who has already started laughing.

“No, not often, but I won’t lie. We’ve spent a handful of nights on the balcony talking when I get the chance to slip away,” his eyes are bright as he returns Akira’s glance, flustering her more. Her previous frustration and anger with him for staying away are already diminishing under the soft looks he’s giving her, and she doesn’t know how to feel about it. “I apologize for interrupting your evening.” He tries to be as formal as he can. The laugh that bubbles up from her mother doesn’t help Akira’s embarrassment.

“Don’t worry, it’s alright. We were just cleaning up for the night.” Amma’s playful eyes meet Akira’s, and Akira takes a deep breath to try to calm herself.

“Actually, if it’s not too much to ask, I was wondering if I could borrow Akira for a little bit.” While Akira is looking at Keigo’s profile skeptically, she can feel her mother’s eyes boring into the side of her face in practical awe, knowing her fear of heights. They had talked in length not even an hour prior about how Akira had nearly thrown up on him the first time he flew with her. “It’s a nice night to fly. The sky is clear and warmer than it has been. If I may, of course. I promise to return her.” He caps his request with a grin, and of course, her mother can’t say no.

“Take your time! I’m just going to shower and settle in for the evening.” Amma’s teasing smirk and wave as she heads for Akira’s room, shutting the door behind her, earning a quiet huff from Akira. Now in the living room alone, though, the two take the moment to meet each other’s eyes.

“What do you say?” His words are softer, more gentle. Biting her lip, she moves closer cautiously.

“Depends. You sure you’re okay?” She hesitates to reach out for his hand, uncertainty painted plainly on her face. He closes the gap, letting his fingers brush the back of her hand lightly, the scuffs on his knuckles long since healed but new, faint scars bring color to the surface.

“Of course, I promise,” he eases with a grin. “Grab your jacket. You’ll need it. I’ll explain everything,“ he pauses and tilts his head toward her room, smirking slightly as his voice lowers to just barely a whisper, “she’s a funny one. I like her.” He chuckles, fully aware that her mother is eavesdropping through the bedroom door. With a small eye roll, Akira finally nods, stepping around him to grab her jacket from its hook by the door and pulling it on. Pulling her phone from her pocket, it’s dead from being ignored for hours, so she places it on the charger on the counter to leave it behind.

“Where exactly are we headed?” She zips up the front of her jacket before slipping her sneakers on. By the time she turns back to him, he’s already by the door beckoning her to follow.

“That’s part of the surprise.” He takes her hands in his and slowly guides her outside, stepping backward to keep his full attention on her. “Still trust me?” His thumbs caress the back of her hands tenderly, and she raises a brow, taking in his open expression in the dark.

“Of course, I do,” she says skeptically. “What’s going on? You can’t just disappear for nearly a month and come back like nothing happened.” While her tone is laced with a little humor, he knows it’s covering her true hurt feelings.

“It will be worth it.” He grins as his eyes scan her face, her uncertainty apparent in the tension around her eyes. “But first, let me just say, I’m sorry for staying away. That wasn’t right of me. You deserved to know why.” He struggles to maintain eye contact under her scrutiny, but he pushes through. “May I pick you up?” Hearing him being so open almost uproots her feelings, but until she hears his excuse for staying away, she is still apprehensive to say yes. Still, she can’t help it as some of her worries slip through her fingers as she traces his marks around his honeyed eyes and the look of absolute adoration returns hers.

“Better not drop me,” she resigns with a lilt of a tease and a sigh, earning a wide, toothy grin.

“That’s my brave little bird,” he matches her tease as he praises and scoops her up behind the knees and shoulders, and a small squeal escapes her lips as he lifts her right off her feet. Her arms fly up around his shoulders, and she glares only for a moment before he glances back toward her window and catches her mother’s prying eyes. “We won’t be gone all night!” He calls, so Amma can hear and knows she got caught. Akira’s blush returns, but when his wings extend, and he crouches slightly, whispering for her to hold on tight, she doesn’t have enough time to school herself into calm before he takes off, another squeal catching in her throat as the warm night’s wind whips around them in flight.

~~~

Previous Chapter --- Next Chapter

[justagalwhowrites]

i got heat exhaustion yesterday (i'm fine btw, i love coastal texas but coastal texas does NOT love me back) so it seems like a great time to start reading beskar doll!

*cut to me with the wiki open looking up every mentioned term or event because i know 0 about star wars and cant even pretend that i do*

writing question: i love that you give nicknames (doc/bambi/doll) to the reader/mc because seeing Y/N always takes me out of the moment. how do you come up with the nicknames and how do you know when you found the right one for that story? they always fit so well!

Hi Bestie!!!

Coastal Texas doesn’t like me either! Having grown up in Texas I can safely say most of the state doesn’t like me lol I hope you’re loving Beskar Doll!!

Thank you so much! I DESPISE the Y/N thing lol I will put down a fic for that and that alone, it glitches my brain and I will never use it. Not knocking anyone who does! It’s just my own personal ick.

The nicknames usually come to me as I’m crafting the character. I’m a character girlie, they’re why I write what I write and they’re always the first piece to a story and I craft their names from there, nickname or otherwise.

For Doc, I wanted something that 1) exemplified her ideal of caring 2) reflected the part of herself she was proudest of and 3) was something that felt natural for people to use. Doc was perfect. I also loved that she started as Kid when she had far less agency in her life but, when the world ended and she made the life she wanted in that trashed world, her name shifted into something more than that.

Doll came from wanting something that was representative of her relationship to the universe around her. I wanted something that could be both derogatory and a term of endearment because of the nature of her relationship to Mando and I wanted something that would reflect her as always kind of being a pawn in the larger machinations of the galaxy. She’s a badass but she’s never had much agency, it’s always been in the service of something else. She kind of reclaimed the idea of being a Doll - and released herself of expectation - while also finding something she wanted in the universe.

For Bambi, her central characteristics - at least at the start of the fic - is that she’s skittish and wild, very animalistic, and she’s always connected more with animals than with people. But she’s also a survivor, like Bambi who has to go on after the death of his mother. It’s kind of a false dichotomy of sounding fragile and delicate while really being almost feral and strong? This will also work well in reverse (I hope!) as she learns to reclaim emotional fragility and vulnerability after everything she’s been through.

I do the same for the real names my characters have for both fics (and yes, Doc has a real name, Bambi does too. Everyone knows Doll’s because it’s in the story, she just doesn’t use it) and books.

For example, in Ace (first book in my book series, first chapter is on here and I can share again if you want!) the main character is named Tenny, short for Tennyson. She’s named that because her parents are literature professors and Tennyson wrote on King Arthur, a great defender of his people. It seemed like the perfect name for someone who puts herself at risk to protect and inform the people of her city. Additionally, her sister is Brontë and her story is a tragic one - fitting, given some of the content of Brontë novels I think!

I also feel like this is a lot easier for me because I have a lot of very good friends where none of us use each other’s actual names lol My name on here (Kit) is from a friend like that. It’s got some ties to my real name but he mostly started calling me that because I had the bad habit of 1) not sleeping and 2) not taking off my eyeliner in high school, so I’d get shadows under my eyes and he said I looked like a baby raccoon - which is called a kit lol. He’s the one who got me into TLOU (and the one who’s reading Lavender ATM) so I was like “oh that’s the perfect name for this page” lol

Anyway, I hope that helps!!! I know it’s long but I could talk forever about writing stuff!!

Thank you for asking and for being here! Love you!

[atlantis-just-drowned]

Woooo weird questions let's go!!

The Daycare Attendants atm but also Pluto from Nevermore and probably a thousand others!!

Lighters because they're cool and you can light them up more easily. Which means. You can play with them more easily.

I did when I was younger. And then stopped after a giant ass spider entered my room.

Same as Sunny above, I don't really take it seriously but yk maybe it's true so whatever they're funny to think about

Brown. They haven't changed since the last time I answered

For character development. And also the angst.

None!! Short wild hair mfers!!

Only one because I'm a normal person /t

HOT!! CHOCOLATE!!

I would bask in their blood. And draw war face-paints with it

Climbing!! Writing!! Talking to friends!!

Calm and bittersweet

2 hours ago I think??

Favourite smell. Ever. I love it.

I'm the happy father of a hundred of OCs and self-inserts

Technically? Yes. Legally? No.

Both at the same time. Yes. I'm 100% serious.

Coloured hairs shampoo???

I would!! But if you want it neat and clean, don't let me do it!!

Soda

A burning rage and a desire for revenge. And trinkets. Lots of trinkets.

Not a bad one, but not always a good one either. I'm a human being: flawed, beautiful, changing, alive.

They're great!! I can put cool outfits!! And they reinforce my Vampire reputation

Comforting each other, cuddling, talking about the world and our lives, having some deep conversations, star gazing

Probably perfume if I want to feel extra-attractive?? But honestly I never use any perfume and don't have any

Any character I like falling in love with me because I'm a sucker. And does imagining my future life with my crush counts??

Probably 8 hours. It's always around 8 anyway, I healthy 👍

No because I can't fucking stand the feeling + they're always too big for my smol face + I have the glasses curse

Around 35°C + very pressured

Nope!! I don't have the right to bring any sort of food in my room and don't like when it gets dirty!!

To work, I listen to music in a language I can't understand. Usually any eastern-European song does it

There's a blue/green one that I peculiarly like :]

Going to the city I'll study in and visiting apartments and my future college!!

Wow there's so many actually!! I love to sing and listen to music haha

Same as Sunny so I guess CEST???

Not once!! I like this one hehe

My parents lol

Who... Cares about that?????

Yes I do!! But mine is running out rn :(

Yup!! I had plenty of those hehe

Empty. Just hot chocolate.

Instagram, Discord, Pixel Art. And that's it. I literally never use anything else.

I can't stand spice. Even just a little bit. I'm a pussy.

Oh damn, the list goes on.

Yup!! It was a very existing day!!

Rise of the Guardians!! I re-watch it every year

Uuuuh probably something in the DCA server??

My parents made us taste drops of their drinks since we've been teenagers, I never liked any. Alcohol just tastes bad.

Instructions unclear, I'm now jumping over tiny rocks on the pathway

Yes!! You can tag me in everything and anything!! Actually if you want me to see something, it's the best way to get me to see it!!

As always, no pressure for the tags!! @welcometothevoidmychild @sleepy-pile-of-ashe @mikey-way-enthusiast @minos-bubbleworld @astropote + anyone who wants to join!!

here’s weirder asks

who is/are your comfort character(s)?

lighter or matches?

do you leave the window open at night?

which cryptyd being do you believe in?

what color are your eyes?

why did you do that?

hair-ties or scrunchies?

how many water bottles are in your room right now?

which do you prefer, hot coffee or cold coffee?

would you slaughter the rich?

favorite extracurricular activity?

what kind of day is it?

when was the last time you ate?

do you love the smell of earth after it rains?

are you a parent? (all answers qualify)

can you drive?

are you farsighted or nearsighted?

what hair products do you use?

imagine we’re at a sleepover, would you paint my nails?

do you say soda or pop?

something you’ve kept since childhood?

what type of person are you?

how do you feel about chilly weather?

if we were together on a rooftop, what would we be doing?

perfume/body spray or lotion?

a scenario that you’ve replayed multiple times?

about how many hours of sleep did you get?

do you wear a mask?

how do you like your shower water?

is there dishes in your room?

what type of music keeps you grounded?

do you have a favorite towel?

the last adventure you’ve been on?

is there a song you know every word to by heart?

what’s your timezone?

how many times have you changed your url?

someone in your life, other than a relative, you’ve known for 10+ years?

a soap bar that smells good?

do you use lip balm?

did you have any snacks today?

how do you take your coffee?

an app you frequently use besides this godforsaken site?

what’s your take on spicy foods?

you get a free pass to kill anyone, who is it?

can you remember what happened yesterday?

favorite holiday film?

what was the last message you sent?

when did you first try an alcohol beverage?

can you skip rocks?

can i tag you in random stuff?

[systemfiles]

This is pretty new to ALL of us, but our host is struggling the most with realizing we're a system. They were sort of the last one to accept it (we had to bully them a bit), and still struggle with fear that they're faking - and it's really wild that it started as fear they were being a snowflake and taking up space that wasn't theirs, or autistic- mirroring their system friends, but now it's just as much fear that they really aren't a system and they're going to LOOSE us, because they're already so attached to the fact that they aren't alone.

Me and spire are so proud of them - they've started reaching out to spire for support occasionally and I can tell it makes spire SO happy to be able to comfort them and take some of the weight of Managing Life off of them.

That's not to say it's smooth sailing - when they get too stressed they magnet to front and struggle to hear anyone else.

And that happens when G is upset too, because his emotions bleed onto them and they can't shut him out, even though they're getting better at realizing when the emotions aren't wholly Theirs.

It makes them so happy that the rest of us are starting to find the shapes of ourselves in our mind and learning who we are by ourselves (or as by ourselves we get; host is almost always a BIT here, and we ID as a median system), but it's starting to quietly scare them that THEY don't know who they are separate from us.

Doesn't help that they weren't our original host- they're pretty sure G MADE them, and they're sometimes scared that all they are is a conduit to the outside world for him. I think their first theory about their/Gs relationship is probably more accurate though - which is that they are everything G wanted to be and Couldn't because of fear/trauma. G couldn't handle being a living breathing human so they split A (current host) to BE US, so G could forget he existed and just watch/experience us being happy/living a life that he couldn't manage. (He's almost always watching. He doesn't always remember that he exists)

I also agree with Hosts theory that G is a subsystem- *im* guessing he split first when we were little, and that wasn't enough to protect whatever core is way in there, so we split our current system to protect Him. And HEs so fragile because he's holding onto someone/something even more volatile. But that's just a theory.

Rn I seem to be the only one able to really put up barriers and block him (and mostly everyone else I choose to) out.

This is my first time fronting where I'm AWARE of who I am and I forced myself to front because I HAD to, which ATM Noone else seems to be able to do.

Spire can only front when host Lets her (which is pretty often, coz host is really enjoying being able to take a Fucking Break), but if host (or G, bleeding into them) is anxious or stressed, they struggle to let go of front.

I guess I'm just putting this all here for everyone else, to help them make sense of things: because they all Know these things, but it helps to have someone agree with you about it. (I also kinda want a record that I was Here, as Me?)

I don't know much about who "i" am, I just know I Need to help my headmates, and suddenly realizing that I'm somewhat seprate from them let me do that today. I don't know how much I'm going to be around, and I don't know how much I care about that... I think I just want everyone to know they can call on me if they need me?

-Force

[tealeavesandthorns]

Gunna put this under a read more but just because it's a lot of text and people can read it if they want and if not can skip....

bit of a look into my brain over the past week and you know the wild ride I keep going on - mentions of neurospiciness, pmdd, period talk, anxiety, depression and sui*ci*dal thinky thoughts

So it finally happened, I finally broke down to the point I was basically sent home from work - my boss told me I should log off and then said I'll see you Monday.

That was Tuesday, and it took until Wednesday afternoon - after crying and napping and crying and having a gazillion anxiety attacks - for the little voice in my head to go 'check yo period app'.

I did and it turned out I'm due on in about a week - so then I was like okay probably that.

Then I realised for about the past 6 months - every single time I've been at my lowest ebb and I mean crazy lowest, either crying, anxious, angry or depressed and having suicidal thoughts. I've headed onto my app to check whether I'm due on and it always says about 5-7 days. I've talked about the potential for PMDD before - it's also been mentioned to me before by several online friends.

So after years of being like My MeNtAl BrAiN iS nOt To Do WiTh My OvArIeS - because of piss poor doctors and having to fight every second to get help. It's starting to seem like actually that might be the case.

Since I found out I was Autistic my anxiety and depression has been so much better because I'm able to manage it so much better APART from the week before my period.

So now I've got to try and get a doctors appointment to prove all this on top of one for my meds. I'm going to have to go through being told 'go on contraception' - nope it sent my sister loopy, I can't afford that.

I'm so NERVOUS talking to work or anyone about it. I've spent so long trying to figure out what exactly is wrong with me I'm sure it must feel to people like 'here's another thing'. It's not though, this is what everything has been leading too.

I've got to go through talking to doctors and hr and gathering all the evidence I can, fighting to be heard because I'm too self aware and I shouldn't be. I'm going to have to fight to be heard that I'm doing everything I can to keep myself going. I'm going to have to fight because I don't want the pill, the implant, a hysterectomy or anything that's going to mess with my hormones. I'm going to have to fight for HR and OC Health to recognise I'm autistic.

I'm going to have to fight to get my manager to listen and ACTUALLY listen to me that maybe I might know my own brain and body and triggers best. I'm going to have to fight to get my manager to understand that maybe, very occasionally and once in a blue moon for one freaking day - on my fixed days I might need to work from home.

I don't know how to make them understand how difficult things get and how difficult it is to try and function.

How do I make them understand that already being in the office is pretty overwhelming but I do it because I actually like it and enjoy my job, but the noise, the smells, the space, the talking, it's tiring on most days and on days like tuesday it's exhausting to the point my chest feels tight and if one person speaks to me I burst into tears. How do I make them understand that on days like that I seriously think about breaking my own arm, getting myself run over or throwing myself down the stairs so that I simply don't have to have the social interaction.

What I'm more scared of then anything else though is being out of a job and ending up on benefits or something.

There's just a lot going on atm and a lot of anxiety so I'm sorry for my slowness and stuff. I'll be back to peak activity when my uterus decides to open the floodgates (gross I know).

[bpdhouseparty]

so i am a noted favorite-person-haver. i hate that term, “favorite person”; it feels so toothless and cloying. what i feel for the person i’m fixated on is hunger, a wild kind of obsession that can’t be satiated. sure i love them, and sure i like them. but to call them my “favorite person” feels so laughably understated it’s like a joke. like naming a tiger “kitty”.

my current fixation person, which is the best term i have for it atm, is someone i haven’t talked to in months. this one is really cutting me to the core,

he’s the most extreme example of my tendencies to fall fast and hard and then not be able to get over someone. we were only together about a month. we only had regular contact for a total of about 2.5 months. i wrote a note in my phone a few days after meeting him calling my shot, saying “i’m going to marry this man.” the breakup was posed as him not being ready for a relationship yet (and i do believe he meant that), so i went straight to “okay, guess i’ll just wait for him”. which he explicitly told me not to do, and i told myself not to do, but i kind of couldn’t help it. i couldn’t stop thinking about him, even after we stopped talking.

all of these things have happened to me in past relationships—falling fast, waiting for someone who isn’t waiting, getting hung up on short relationships, getting it in my head that this person is my future and then being devastated when that’s taken away (“taken away”). but this time it was so…direct and not-ignorable.

the one thing that doesn’t fit my pattern is that he’s my first fixation to go on and date someone else while i’m still fixated on them (at least that i’m aware of—one of them did but i didn’t know about it until after i got over him). obviously this is like, absolutely his right and his choice. he wasn’t ready for a relationship, then a few months later he was. or maybe that was just an excuse to break up with me when he realized it wasn’t a good fit for him, which isn’t exactly courageous but he’s allowed. i’ve done it before too, told someone “i just don’t want to date right now” when what i meant was “i don’t want to date YOU right now.” it’s fucking hard. i don’t blame him. i’m not mad. but fuck does it hurt

i found out a couple weeks ago and i’ve been in a tailspin since. i have rules for myself about self harm and suicide, so i haven’t made any gestures like that. but by god do i abuse the fuck out of some substances.

i wish so fucking badly that i weren’t like this. i don’t want him to take up so much real estate in my brain. i don’t like how many things remind me of him. i don’t like that being reminded of him makes everything move in slow motion and my body get cold. he’s literally just some guy i haven’t seen or talked to in months, going about his life in an adjacent town, not thinking about me, and i wish i wasn’t thinking about him. i wish i could let him go. but he’s everywhere.

the last one was like this, but we’d been together longer. we had more push and pull. i moved cities (states!) for him. sitting alone in my apartment, thinking about him alone in his apartment across town, an unfamiliar town in an unfamiliar state, i suppose it’s reasonable that his ghost would follow me. but now it’s my hometown, my work, the places i’ve been going all my life. i can’t drive in downtown [CITY] without going through the way to his house in my head. his house is only a few minutes away from where i attend therapy twice a week. he works at a store near mine in an area of town i frequent. he used to work with me so my coworkers bring him up sometimes.

it’s not fair. this is my home, and i’m being haunted here.

[erodasfishtacos]

Adjustments

When Y/N is getting tired of staying at home with the baby while Harry tours.

word count: 5k

contains: sexual content, language, a dash of angst

It was still early but Harry didn’t mind. When he was on tour he craved sleep like no other. To be in his bed, spooned around his love, and no alarm set.

However, the deep desire for sleep is just a faraway thought now because he’d rather be sleep deprived and wake up to his curly-haired baby any given day.

He looks to you. Mouth slightly open, face stress-free, and peaceful. Harry hated coming home from tour to see the bags of exhaustion under your eyes from taking care of the baby all by yourself.

He constantly had to swallow back guilt. He tried to do everything to make it up when he was home.

Harry didn’t find touring as exciting and fun as he use to. He sometimes counts down the tour dates until he’s home.

Sometime he can’t wait for the concert to wrap up so he can sneak in a quick FaceTime before you lot head off to bed.

Sasha was two, her birthday near days away, and Y/N had been running around like a mad-woman trying to make sure her party would be perfect.

Y\N sometimes held herself to the exceptions of other celebrities wives. Ballon arches, custom cookies, and beautiful decorations.

However, unlike other celebrities, you did this all yourself. No event planner, nobody except Anne and Gemma.

Harry wants you to sleep as much as possible and allow you the luxury he gets on tour. Sleeping in until noon sometimes in the empty, cold hotel room with nothing else to do.

He can hear Sasha babbling incessantly from her little bed. The little yellow railings preventing her from falling out or escaping.

Harry heaves himself off the bed, tugging on some sweatpants that had been thrown off hurriedly when you’d told him you’d been wet for him since he walked in the door last night.

“Hi, hi little love,” Harry murmurs as he opens the door to her bedroom. The yellow flowers hand-painted from the wall setting the theme for the room.

Sasha was a good baby and an ever better toddler. However, almost as a little teenager, she sure did have her mood swings. They weren’t quite out of the terrible twos stage yet.

She wanted her mom as she stood there.

“No, mummy,” Sasha whines, tugging on Harry’s cross necklace with force after he scooped her up.

“Hey, we don’t do that. Remember we treat people with kindness.”

After a promise of chocolate chips in her pancakes, she agrees to help Harry cook you breakfast. 

It was messy and his bare chest was covered in flour. Not quite sure how the little girl had gotten it into her curls but they were managing.

Harry loved watching Sasha play with the cooking utensil. Smacking whisk around, looking quizzically at a spatula. 

It made Harry want to buy her a little play kitchen. He was surprised they didn’t already have one. He thinks they might have on in their New York City apartment that they haven’t traveled to recently.

He makes a point while Sasha is chewing at the pancakes to search to find one. He finds a same-day pickup at a local toy store and orders it.

That’s one thing he loved about making so much money. He could spoil you and the baby, his family with everything and anything they want or need.

Y/N always struggled with accepting gifts from Harry but as they years went on and they got married and combined bank accounts. (well she brought a hefty three thousand to the marriage, he graciously gave her full-access to his money). 

A few weeks after your wedding, when you went to an ATM to get twenty pounds out for a cash-only restaurant and when the receipt said you two had six-hundred thousand and some change in just one of your CHECKING account - well you nearly almost fainted.

You had been worried about the three pound service fee before seeing that.

Harry could sometimes get ahead of himself. He’s had disposable money since he was sixteen. Y/N would sometimes hum, asking if he really needs a fifteen-thousand dollar wool Gucci coat.

Y/N would make it a point that she doesn’t want Sasha to grow to be materialistic and spoiled. So Harry was scolded every once in a while when he gave into Sasha’s puppy dog eyes.

Maybe not the best decision but he planned to set it up when you were out for lunch this afternoon with a friend. Hopefully, you wouldn’t notice? If he strategically put it in the playroom.

“Mmm, what’s all this?” You murmur, tying your silk robe at the front. Just enough cleavage showing that Harry feels a twitch in his joggers. Sue him, basically everything his wife did turned him on.

“Pancakes, mummy!” Sasha giggles, syrup coating her cheeks and fingers. “Kissy?” Her dad had taught her that.

“Yes baby,” you agree, leaning in to press a kiss to her soft curls, avoiding her sticky mess. 

“Kissy?” 

You look up to your pouting husband with identical absurdly wild curls from bed. 

“Spoiled, you lot,” you tell him before padding over to him and pressing a soft kiss to his lips.

Forever the horny teenager, his large hands finds your bum and pull you closer - deepening the kiss.

“Miss you s’much on tour, all I think about,” he whispers into your mouth. “Your tits, your cun-“

“Harry!” You laugh, smacking at his chest, “Can’t talk like that in front of the baby!”

“She didn’t hear,” he grumbles, giving your arse one last squeeze, “Tonight.”

“Tonight,” you agree back, ignoring the pinch of arousal. 

—-

Sasha was putting up a fight when she realized that you were leaving without her. Grabbing at your leg as you tugged on a Gucci sneaker.

“I’ll be back soon, Sash,” you assure her but to no avail.

Her cheeks ruddy red and splotched. Tears staining them as she wails dramatically at the top of her little lungs. 

“I don’t know if I should go,” You sigh as Harry wrestles her tiny body off of you so you don’t trip.

“No baby, you need a break. She can’t hold you hostage,” Harry laughs as Sasha wriggles a little in his arms.

“Call me if you need me to come home.”

“I’ll be fine, now go, have a mimosa for me,” Harry smiles down at his daughter who is staring at you like you’ve just killed her beloved pet.

You can’t help but giggle at the glare, “so scary, missy. I’ll see you soon, I love you.”

Sasha buries her nose into Harry’s neck. Her sobs more sad than angry at this point. Which makes your heartbreak a little.

—-

Sasha was getting impatient with her father. As he attempted to figure out how to screw on the oven door to the overcomplicated design.

She occasionally ran off with a piece he needed so it took much longer than he’d thought. But this thing was sophisticated, you pour water into a little tub and it runs through the faucet like a real sink.

Sasha gave her father a wide smile when he had finally told her it was all done. He helped fill the little shopping cart with plastic fruit and veggies.

She was babbling to herself happily, occasionally making sure her dad was still in the room with her.

Harry had grabbed his journal off the kitchen table and was scribbling down mismatched lyrics about how much love he was filled with.

His last two albums were nearly just songs about you. The next one was definitely going to include tracks about his baby.

When he hears the alarm sound and get shut off, he knows your home and he feels a little twinge of anxiety in his stomach.

Distraction? That should work right?

“Hi baby,” Harry greets, planting a kiss on your lips before squatting to untie your sneakers for you.

“Well hello there!” You look around surprised to not see your daughter toddling to you as well. “Is bug sleeping?”

Harry shakes his head and rubs the back of his neck, “Um, no. Just playing in the playroom right now.”

“Was she good?” You asks, noticing he’s changed clothes. He loved to laze around in joggers if he could. “Did you go out?”

“Just for coffee,” he covers, technically - he did grab a coffee for himself at a drive-thru. “How was lunch?”

“Good, mimosas were shit so I only had one. Missed you guys too much. So glad your home,” you sigh into his chest, basking in his tight arms around you.

“Only 73 more concerts to go,” Harry replies.

He can feel your shoulders tense at his lame attempt of a joke. It wasn’t funny to you, not in the slightest. 

“Just 73, huh?” You shoot back, untangling yourself from his grip. “Just another eight months away from your wife and baby.”

“Love...” Harry begins, swallowing hard. He was just as emotional as you when it came to it. 

You shake your head, swiping at the stray tear, “Just forget it,” you huff before trekking off to see your daughter.

Harry is cautiously trailing behind you with a bowling ball of nerves in his belly. 

When you walk into the playroom and see the new kitchen set - you stand nearly frozen in the doorway.

“Mummy! Mumma look at what daddy got me!” She chirps, standing to come to you. You easily lift her up and accept the plastic apple she hands to you proudly. 

You feel a tightness in your throat, “it’s so nice, baby.”

“Nice,” she repeats, “come play, mumma.”

“I just got home, give me a few minutes and I’ll be back in,” you promise with a kiss before placing her back down.

She seems satisfied with your answer and scurries back to where she had placed her babydoll on the countertop - feeding it.

“Can we please talk in the kitchen?” You asks, trying your best to keep your voice level in front of your daughter.

Harry dejectedly nods and follows you into the kitchen, dragging his boot-clad feet a little. 

“Look, I know your mad, lovie. But I just got the idea and didn’t think too much about it. Know y’don’t want to spoil her but-“

“Do you not listen?” You ask harshly.

He looks at you dumbfounded. Unsure of the question. It sounded like it was a trick question.

“You’re unbelievable!” You whisper-shout so Sasha doesn’t hear.

Harry feels himself getting defensive, “You’re tha’ mad about a bloody toy?  I’m her father allowed to buy her things too!”

“No, Harry. It’s not about that. It seems like your so busy with your job that you just tune me out on our calls.”

Harry’s brow furrows. That wasn’t true in the slightest. It was the highlight of his day to hear your voice and how it went at home.

“That’s bullshit and you know it!” Harry snaps, his voice a little louder. 

“Go into the storage room off the side of the garage.”

He gives you a confused look but obliges, after trailing through your maze of a house. He reaches the large extra room.

When he opens the door, his heart sinks. He immediately knows why you’re so upset with him.

A beautiful, hand-painted kitchen set is sat with a large pink bow in the room. The hutch saying in cursive, “Sasha’s Kitchen.”

It was her favorite colors - blue and yellow- with painted images of all her favorite characters like Peppa Pig and Blue from Blue’s Clues.

He remembers how excited you were on the phone that night - when you revealed her third birthday present and how perfect the artist had made it.

Harry had been listening -truthfully- but he was also nearly asleep after two encores of Kiwi onstage and a meet and greet backstage.

He felt like shit now. Disappointed in himself for ruining this surprise he knows you were looking forward to giving her in a mere few days.

But the excitement of another kitchen set surely would be lackluster now. 

“Baby, m’so sorry,” Harry says quietly, with guilt bubbling in his throat. “I was listening. I just...I forgot.”

“Nothing we can do about it now it,” you bite out. Disappointed at the ruin surprised making you prickle with anger towards your forgetful husband.

Harry begins to apologize once again but you don’t let him, “I need to put her down for a nap.”

— 

You drift off as well in your bed- taking advantage of Sasha being asleep in the next room over.

Harry doesn’t quite know how to fix this situation. He’s much too embarrassed to call his mum or sister who would just give him another earful.

He felt like being on tour has been mucking everything up. He loved his job, most days. But days like today - he wishes to never see a recording studio or microphone again.

Harry’s pondering all this when he hears a cry from the baby’s room. 

Sasha is stood, bleary-eyes with a sad frown as her father enters. 

“Sweet pea, what’s the sad face for?” He hums as he tucks her into the curve of his slim hip. Bringing her down onto the main level so you aren’t awoken.

“Daddy, kitchen?” She sniffles, pointing towards her playroom.

He shakes his head. Deciding the least he can do is bathe her so you wouldn’t need to later. She still had remnants of fruit pouch in her cheeks.

“No, darling. S’bath time. Then you can play,” he boots her nose. Snatching some clean baby clothes from where they’re folded and waited to be put away on the coffee table.

“No no no,” she whimpers angrily, shaking her head and smacking her arm against her father’s tattooed chest.

“Sasha Anne, no hitting, absolutely not,” Harry uses his firm father’s voice that he didn’t have to pull out very often.

“No bath, daddy, no!” She wails with all the dramatics of an A-List actor. 

“Hey, mumma’s sleeping. We cannot yell,” her father hushes her as he trails into the bathroom.

“Mean daddy!” She exclaims as he wrestles her into the tub. Splashing the water and wriggling away everytime he tries to cup water over her head to rid her of the shampoo.

“I know, I know, so mean,” he acknowledges sympathetically. A headache arising in the front of his skull from his baby’s high pitch noises and shouts.

After another fight into clothes, she’s still not happy when she’s sat in front of her kitchen. She throws the plastic toys around and whining anytime Harry moves an inch.

He’s feeling a little overwhelmed if he’s honest. With his worry about your precious argument and the unusual tactics of your toddler - he was stressed out. 

“Binky,” Sasha looks expectantly at her father.

Oh, good idea. She loves that.

Harry can’t find any lying around like usual so he digs through the drawers around the living room until he finds one.

After cleaning it off, he hands it to her and she pops it in her mouth happily. Her attention now direction back towards her new toy.

He let out a sigh of relief. He wasn’t quite sure how you did this alone so much of the time.

—

 When you finally wake from a fitful nap, you hear noise from the playroom. You’re still extremely frustrated with your husband but it’s less intense. Until...

Until you walk in and Sasha turns around, smiling around a binky you surely thought you’d thrown away.

Sasha was getting too old for a pacifier - even though she was just using it when she was really upset or at night.

You’d been binky-free for three weeks. And all the crying and tears from your daughter where now meaningless.

“Where did she get that pacifier?” You grit out.

You had told him multiple times you were weaning her off of it.

“She was fussy. I gave it to her, tha’ alright?” He asks cluelessly.

“Harry! I’ve told you so so many times that I’d been weaning her off of it. She just stopped crying about it a week ago!”

“I told you about this - just like the kitchen. God, you get so goddamn wrapped up in your career that you forget important things like this!”

“Baby...” Harry whimpers, hands up in surrender. “I keep, I keep messing up. I’m - I don’t know where my mind is.”

“I’ll tell you were your mind is, Harry. In the countries your traveling to, the concerts your performing at. You promised me...you fucking promised when we started trying for a baby this stuff wouldn’t happen!!”

Harry’s face crumples, “yo-you’re my everything, lovie. You and bug. None of this means anything without you. I’ll quit music, never write another lyric or sing another note if that’s what you want from me.”

He meant that fully heartedly too.

When he wrote If I Could Fly and write the lyrics, “I’ll give up everything, just ask me to.”

The fans, the producers, you - don’t truly know how much he was being truthful in the lyrics.

“I would never ask you to do that. I want you to do what you love but I want you to follow through for your family!”

At your raised tons, Sasha begins to whine, looking with wide, concerned eyes.

“Mummy?”

With that, you scoop her up. “M’going to your mums. I’ll be back later.”

Harry watches anxiously as you pack Sasha’s bag. He feels useless as he hands your her fruit pouches and crackers from the pantry.

As you snatch the car keys from the entry tables, Harry asks in a near whisper, “What’s going on? I’m so lost.”

“I’m lost too. I jus-just can’t keep doing this. It’s too hard for you to be away from us like this. I feel like a single mom sometimes.”

With that, you’re out the door and on your way to your mother-in-laws. 

For the first time ever, Harry had a fleeting thought that you’re going to divorce him. He knows it’s not just about the toy and the pacifier.

He hasn’t been home enough. As much as he tries, the FaceTimes don’t make the distance and time apart any easier. 

You have all the responsibility of this little human and your heart twinges on days you’re missing you husband and you constantly at met with his little replica.

Harry feels like he’s going to have a panic attack. He’s only had a handful in his lifetime but this one was intense.

He grabs his phone and dials the number to his best friend. He really needed a shoulder to cry on right now.

“Hey mate! What’s good, big boy?” The Irish man belts into the phone only to be met with sniffles and tears.

“Niall, I don’t know what to do.”

—

Anne was expecting you. She had set up tea with little cake in the back garden. Sasha was excited to chase the cats around the greenery. Her cute jumpsuit sodden with dirt and grass stains in no time.

“I’m sick of being at home alone all the time with Sasha. I miss Harry too much, she misses him too much,” you croak, attempting to keep your tears at bay.

“I want Harry to continue his career and live his dream. Most people never get the chance he’s gotten. I-I just need him.”

“Oh honey,” she rubs my hand soothingly, “I can only imagine. I know I missed him fiercely to the point it was unbearable when he was sixteen. I still miss him too.”

“I...I’m going to sound like such a bad mother,” you take a deep breathe, “would I be a bad mum if Sash and I joined Harry on tour?”

“Do you think that’d make you a bad mum?” Anne asks softly, a small smile on her face.

“No, I don’t think. I’d be happier because I’d be with Harry and we could actually be a married couple 24/7. She would get to see her dad everyday.”

“I think you’ve found you answer,” Anne chuckles, pouring more hot water into your cups.

“It will be so stressful.”

“More stressful than it is now?” Anne replies.

“Nothing can be more stressful than right now.”

- -

The talk witdh Niall helped only a little bit but enough to not feel like he’s going to vomit every other minute.

He was worried you were going to come in here and ask him for a divorce because he couldn’t follow through on his promises as a husband and a father.

Harry was ready to do whatever it took to prevent that from happening. He’s not above groveling and begging for you to stay.

It is dark when you pull in, toting in a sleeping child in your arms that you pass off to Harry who’s waiting at the front door.

He tucks his baby into her bed, tugging the blankets over her, and staring down at her sweet, cherub face for a little longer than usual before heading into your master.

You’re sat on the corner of the bed, biting your lip, and playing with you flashy large diamond ring as a force of habit.

“Baby...” Harry rasps, not touching you but kneeling down in front of you. 

“I can’t do what we’re doing anymore,” you begin, completely unaware that Harry thinks you’re about to ask for a divorce.

“I don’t think you’re going to agree with what I have to say, but I think it’s the best,” you swallow harshly, hoping he doesn’t shoot down the proposition.

“Please, I’ll do anything, lovie. Don’t leave me, don’t divorce me. I’ll do anything’ you want, sweetheart. Please, I need you. I’m so inlove with you.”

Harry is full on sobbing by this point, hanging his head against your knees as he attempts to catch his breath but finding it hard.

“Harry!” You murmur in confusion “baby, look at me, please?”

It takes him a moment to meet your eyes, your face is soft but wrinkled in concern. 

“What are you talking about? Divorce?” You choke out the words. Never in a million years would you willingly agree to part from your husband.

“I know I’ve been fuckin’ up. I can’t bloody figure out how to balance shit. I’ve not followed through and neglected you n’ the baby. I’m a bad husband and a bad dad.”

“Hey,” you said with force, bringing your hand under his chin so he has to keep eye contact. “Do not ever say something like that again. You are the best husband and father. You provide for us. You love us more than I’ve thought possible. You’re perfect for Sasha and I.”

“You said you couldn’t do this anymore,” Harry chokes out, letting his ringed hands rest on the tops of your thighs. His diamond wedding rand flashing in the light.

“Oh, H. I’m sorry - I didn’t mean with you.” You chuckle lightly, “how could you ever possibly think I’d leave you, pet?”

He shakes his head, “it’s because y’too good for me. Don’t deserve you.”

“Hush,” you hums, running a hand through his curls. “I know how to fix this.”

“How? I’ll do anything f’you,” Harry would agree to jump off The Empire State Building for you without a second thought.

“The baba and I are going to join you on tour. I know we agreed it’s be too much but I can’t imagine it can be any harder than this.”

Harry’s face lights up like a Christmas tree.

“That’s if you’ll have us,” you whisper coyly, excited by his reaction.

“Yeah, baby. It means I get to fuck you every night,” Harry growls pushing you back and up into the bed before crawling on top of you.

“A teenage boy, I swear,” you giggle, flushed just thinking about how much more time you’ll have together. 

“S’it so bad I want t’fuck my wife? That I’m so bloody gone for you that I’d do anything f’you?” He presses against your lips before demanding entrance.

“You can have me in your bed every night,” you agree, letting his tongue twist with yours with fever and urgency. 

“Mmm, only groupie I’ll ever need.”

“Shut up,” you laugh, allowing him to slip your shirt over your head and attach his lips to your collarbone.

“Can’t wait to fuck you in every country - like we did when you toured with me before the bab.”

When he tosses your bra across the room, you gasp at his mouth finding your nipple instantly. Nipping and suckling at the sensitive nerves with intent.

His hand doesn’t waste anytime, skillfully unbuttoning your jeans and zip with one hand before cramming his large palm inside to cup you in his hand.

“Only pussy I want, fuckin’ made for me,” he groans at the warm wetness he feel through the thin underwear. The tips of his fingers stroke over your clit with confident movements.

“Stop teasing!” You whine, wriggling out of your jeans and panties in one go. Harry is still completely dressed above you - which shouldn’t be sexy but it is.

“Don’t know how I thought you’d ever leave me. Y’fucking obsessed with my cock,” he laughs - sure of himself now.

“If you don’t touch me, I swear-“

“I’ve got you lovie, best wife ever, y’know? Just wanna please you,” he promises the damp skin on your neck, landing nips and bites that will surely leave a mark. 

“Then please me,” you demand, your tone a higher pitch than usual for your arousal.

You’re rolling your hips upwards to meet his jean-clad center. The friction feels delicious against your sensitive nerves.

Harry takes hold of your hip with one hand to halt your grinding, his other hand finding your heat and without hesitation - slides two thick fingers into you.

“H, yeah,” y/n moans, rolling her hips down to meet his hand. Her arousal coating his knuckles and he can’t describe how sexy that is.

He curls his fingers towards the top of you tight wall, finding the little spongey spot that has you bucking your hips and whimpering.

“Oh, did I find the spot, love?” Harry teases like he doesn’t know. He’s been an expert in pleasuring you for the past eight years. 

“Yes baby, m’gonna come,” you nearly slur with pleasure. The cold metal of his rings brushing against your heated folds in relief.

“Only gonna let you come - if you promise me you’ll come again f’me.”

“I will, H. I wil-“

“Ssh, s’okay. Give it to me, my love,” Harry croons sweetly, leaning to suck a nipple as he speeds up his minstrations. 

Your chest is rising and falling at a fast pace, your hips meeting his curled fingers on every thrust as he pushes you over the edge, “fu-fuck,” you moan, trying your best to keep your voice down.

“Tha’s it. M’wife looks so fuckin’ gorgeous when she’s coming on my fingers. Need you on my cock,” Harry grunts, removing his fingers and working to get his clothes off as fast as possible.

He’s positioning himself at your entrance with intent, wasting no time pushing in. No matter how many times you took him - it was always a stretch but it was immensely pleasurable.

“Love you, love our family. Can’t wait f’you two to join me on tour,” Harry pants, attempting to keep his thrust slow and meaningful but he was so turned on he was already becoming sloppy.

“S’going to be so nice. Spend everyday with my husband,” you hum, wrapping your legs around his waist and resting your feet on his bum. You can feel the muscle flexing from his thrusts.

“Yeah, never get tired of hearin’ that word.”

“Husband?” You giggle, “we’ve been married for five years.”

“Still can’t believe you agreed to,” Harry murmurs, his lips pressed against your temple as he becomes more determined. His thumb finding your clit and giving it hard, tight rubs.

Harry could have anyone he wanted. Millions of people lusted after him. It was hard to believe sometimes that he only wanted you. But in moments like this, you never questioned it.

“You’re ridiculous,” you tell him, biting his full bottom lip.

He growls, “hush up. Let me fuck you, yeah?” 

With that, the only thing that leaves your mouth is whines and gasps as he hits your spot on every fluid thrust with a determined thumb on your nerves.

“Cl-close,” Y/N shutters, legs quivering with sensitivity and arousal.

“Baby, baby wait f’me, m’close,” he begs against your skin, licking and kissing wherever he can reach. He speeds up his movements and you fell him tensing up, his mouth dripping open in an o shape and his eyes squeezing shut - his telltale sign.

You allow yourself to let go at that point and ride out the waves of intense climax with him as he weakly thrust a few more times until he lays his weight on top of you.

“The bubby is going to love South America,” Harry smiles into your mouth. His large palms massaging at your shaky, wet thighs.

“I think she’s going to love being with her daddy more,” Y/N replies, a hand coming to cup his jaw in a slow, languid twist. 

—

Thanks so much for checking it out :) PLEASE SEND ME REQUESTS!

[merry-kuroo]

My Top 10 Webtoons (2020-2021)

So, it’s been one year since I started Webtoons/Manwha. At first I downloaded the app to read Tower of God, then I started reading more stuff and now I’m deep into Webtoon hell lol. Anyway, I just wanted to share my Top 10 series...tbh there’s a few more I wish I could add to this list, but I’m not done reading them yet.

So...here :)

Sorry for any typos or any incoherent thoughts. I'm very very tired :)And there are spoilers for some of these series.

1.) Back to You

Honey B has the prettiest art oh my God. 😍

I’m a huge fan of time travel stories where the protagonist is trying to save someone else. In Hanyoung’s case, she decides to save the boy she was in love with Jaehyun.

I really don’t have much to say about this except that I really enjoy it, and things have been going too smoothly in the story atm and I’m expecting something bad to happen at any second. 👁👄👁

2.) See You in my 19th Life

Lee Hey is incredible. This another story where the art is gorgeous, and I like the story in this one a lot more. The progression of Seoha and Jiuem’s relationship is really sweet 🥰. I’m curious to see how Jieum’s sister and Seoha react when they find out who she truly is...I don’t think it’ll go well :’)

A Good Day To Be a Dog is another awesome series by them which I recommend too, but I like this story a lot more.

3. The Remarried Empress

The Remarried Empress is about a cool, sophisticated, intelligent woman who has to deal with her cheating idiot of a husband😡, and his mistress...who is also a idiot...and manipulative 🙄

But it’s okay because Navier has Heinrey and everything will be okay!! Hopefully...lol. 😅

This was one of the first stories I started reading when I downloaded the Webtoon app. I wasn’t too sure at first about continuing it, but the drama and Navier’s comebacks were so good that I had to keep coming back twice a week to read new episodes.

Navier will keep winning and she will get everything that she deserves 🥰

4.) Let's Play

Hilarious and relatable...Let’s Play 🎮 is definitely a story near and dear to my heart. I’m very excited to Sam’s growth in season 3!!

Look, just go read it. Then you’ll know why it’s in my Top 5 haha.

5.) My Deepest Secret

MDS is wild as hell 😳, but at least Yohan is there 😅 Season 3 has been fantastic so far, and I’m kind of scared of how the series is going to end... I don't know what kind of life Emma can have at this point.

6.) Siren's Lament

Lyra, Shon, and Ian my loves 🥰😍💕💞💚💙💛

Siren’s Lament is a beautiful story. I have a lot of respect for the author being a student and working on this at the same time haha. Props to her for managing that!

I don’t know too much about Sirens, but reading this made me want to read up more about the lore surrounding them. Siren’s Lament did a good job of adding its own unique twist to the lore.

10/10 recommend

7.) Tower of God

Yeah, boi. The anime left off on a cliffhanger, then I realized we weren’t going to get a season 2. So, I decided to read TOG from the beginning because I heard that some things were skipped in the anime (and yes quite a bit was different and a few scenes were cut).

I’m currently at the Workshop Battle. Team Sweet and Sour are my favs, but I have a feeling something bad will happen to them 😥

The amount of episodes is still daunting to me, but I know I’ll be caught up one day. 🥲

8.) The Kiss Bet

The Kiss Bet is really cute 🥰 The second season was definitely an improvement. Each chapter left a smile on my face, and I impatiently waited for the next one.

I was rooting for Patrick, but now I ship Sara and Oliver ahahaha. I’m super excited for season 3 because the drama is going to be soooo goooood. I want to find out more about Oliver and Joe’s family situation or at least see their mom.

9.) Nice to Meet You

NTMY gave me a boost of serotonin every week 😁. Like no joke. I had a big ass smile on my face after finishing a chapter. Every chapter was just tooth rotting fluff. Wyn is best boi, but it sucks that he’ll be suffering from second boy syndrome in the upcoming season 😢

10.) unOrdinary

At first I didn’t like unOrdinary...I’m not to sure what happened, but all of sudden I became obsessed with it and began binge reading it.

The fight scenes were awesome and I’m excited to see the Wellston students take down the authorities and Ember. I’m glad John is a lot better now because damn it was hard seeing him so destructive. Hopefully, things will be okay for him and Seraphina now (I doubt it. Too much is up in the air).

My favorite trio - Remi, Isen, and Blyke...I love them and they are in so much trouble rn. I wonder how they’ll get out of it.

Honorable mentions:

- SubZero

- Flow

- Her Bucket List

- I Love Yoo

- LUMINE

- Midnight Poppy Land

So yeah those are my Top 10! I hope to do another list next year because I'm sure the rankings on this list will end up changing 🥰

[saltymongoose]

Aahhh hi it's Lily anon, sorry for just dropping off the face of the planet again! X'D Brain recently got the GRAND idea to go "hyperfocus on a F2P FPS? AND immediately begin crushing on two characters who are dorks? Even if one is dead I can fix that. OWO IM IN LETS GO!!" and it's seeming to become a major hyperfixation so that's a thing I am now dealing with XD (It’s Destiny 2 and goddamn it has just consumed my brain cell even though I am not good at shooters at all-)

Also I figured out that mobile is what let’s you make pretty long asks and let’s you use the enter key basically sooo I’m using that to my advantage here XD

I’m really happy you think ADtOE holds up though! I need to get back to it at some point considering the shenanigans that occur later on with the Batter and my player and the fact I had too much fun designing my player in a doll maker ^^

Honestly I’m going to try to look over my Madness writing and see what I can touch up and post on my blog, I know I have at least two™️ scenes I could post (one involving a oc employer/eldritch horror of mine), just need to do editing to them or add finishing touches XD I am going to say though I have basically given up maybe making a side blog specifically dedicated to Madness so it will go on the blog I have been using lately to post current hyperfixation content XD

It’s titled “Alirasworlds” and it has been where I’ve mainly been posting my writing recently and I am going to try to keep that up cause my track record with blogs is horrendous, just note that all of my most recent writing has been D2 related and heavily indulgent to the max cause grade A DORK here who can’t help it X’D

now to try to catch up on everything that’s occurred here while my brain took me for a wild ride in the Sol system- XD

Hey Lily Anon, good to see you. :D It's great to know that you've been writing again, even if it's not for Madness atm. Having a ton of stories for different fandoms can be fun since you don't ever get bored of the characters in them (one of the reasons I'm glad there are so many Madness characters lol). You should write what interests you though, writing generally tends to be better/easier that way. <3

I do know a bit about Destiny though, so I will look upon the blog with interest haha. Here it is, in case anyone else is interested in Lily Anon's writings <3