#I will admit the last week or two have not been stellar

[ralofofriverwoods]

Get 1 am second dinner, or go to sleep and stop feeling like dogshit… tough choices to be made

[megumimania]

THINKING BOUT YOU— gojo satoru

synopsis: whilst in a meeting about megumi’s conduct, gojo’s mind seems to be focused on one thing, you.

warnings: dad!gojo, gojo satoru x fem!reader, megumi having to put up with gojo’s bs, fluff, gojo being a shameless flirt, gojo attempting to be a concerned parent

“this is stupid.” huffed a 13 year old megumi.

megumi wasn’t here on his own volition of course as this was the doing of his annoying guardian gojo satoru. ever since he found out you were megumi’s teacher he’d been bribing megumi to get into trouble at school so he’d have a reason to come and see you.

“oh megumi this isn’t stupid, remember what i promised if you played your part?” he asked with a mischievous look in his eyes.

megumi knew that gojo had him hook line and sinker. he cursed himself for showing a semblance of a smile when they walked past the pet store last week.

“fine but don’t get in a mood when she turns you down.” he replied with a sass that gojo dismissed as typical teenage angst, something he was all too familiar with.

megumi politely knocked on your classroom door sparing no time for gojo to prepare his little act. “megumi, come take a seat.” you beckoned him in noticing the little scratch on his cheek that made you slightly concerned.

his tall white haired guardian followed in shortly after, taking the seat opposite you. “i’m really glad you could make it today gojo-san.” you addressed him politely, reaching over to shake his hand as you’d do with any other parent.

his hand lingered on yours for a second longer as he gazed into your eyes with such an intensity it made megumi sick. he was really pulling out all the stops for you wasn’t he?

“there’s no need for the formalities when we’re practically the same age.” he pointed out with a charming smile, letting your hand go in the process.

your cheeks were practically aflame as you tried to retain some sense of self control. “oh right…um. megumi.” you nodded at megumi who looked like he’d rather the ground swallow him whole than watch this interaction play out.

you expressed your concern over megumi’s behaviour and something about a report. gojo was half listening, half not. he was more preoccupied with staring at you with not a single ounce of shame. even behind those spectacles his gaze was intense making you lose focus at some points.

“…this is megumi’s third fight in the last two weeks.”

a sharp kick from under the desk by megumi jolted him back to earth. gojo winced in pain as megumi looked on as if nothing happened. he made a mental note to embarrass the hell out of megumi later.

you were unaffected by the silent altercation going on in front of you. despite megumi’s disdain towards his guardian it seemed like he rubbed off on him a little bit. their mannerisms were eerily similar that if it wasn’t for the physical differences, they could’ve easily passed for siblings.

“if this was any other student this would be an immediate suspension but megumi is a stellar student and we don’t think he would benefit from that at all.”

gojo let out a sigh of relief.

as much as he loved being around megumi, he could admit that he did not have the time nor the facilities to teach him whilst he was at home. in his defence he was too busy carrying the jujutsu world on his back, which was a gruelling task in of itself.

he slapped his knee an indicator that he was ready to grab megumi and go home. he ushered megumi outside, telling him to wait for him in the car to which a disgruntled megumi surprisingly did. as soon as he left, gojo jumped on your desk.

his sapphire blue eyes trained on you, watching you mark your students essays with a furrow in your brow that he desperately wanted to smooth away.

ah how he knew the pains of marking essays all too well, with panda's and toge's essays being the ones he usually offloaded to other staff when they wasn't looking.

“how did i do?” gojo asked, his voice like honey to your ears.

the classroom was now tinted with a pinkish orange hue as the sun started to set, casting shadows in the classroom. “megumi’s a smart kid, he probably knows now with how obvious you were.” you responded, trying to not loose this mgroove you were in

“i wasn’t being that obvious.” gojo grumbled to himself. he knew damn well he was being obvious as hell but didn’t want to admit it, the irony of his remark making you scoff.

"seriously?" you gave him a deadpan stare. gojo's whole existence was the epitome of obviousness: his striking looks, his cursed technique, his lineage, hell even his personality was far from discreet. however he still maintained his defense.

"megumi is a smart kid but at the end of the day he's still a kid. he probably thinks I was just being a bit too full on." he drummed his fingers against the desk and you laughed at his delusion.

in the short time you knew megumi, you already established that he was an incredibly smart and perceptive kid, even for someone his age.

“stop doubting him.” and that was a tough pill for gojo to swallow, it was easier to pretend that megumi was like every kid in the world than accept the fact that soon he’ll have his childhood robbed from him.

that he would be forced to grow up and become essentially a child soldier for an invisible group of elders and clan leaders, fighting battles that will scar him for life. being a sorcerer was a thankless job but thank god the pay was decent.

gojo decides that he’s not going to bore you with his late night worries about megumi, after all they were his own worries sto bear.

“i’ll think about it more once you’ve given me a kiss.” he teases, his eyebrows wiggling as he closes his eyes and puckers up. you snort at his childish behaviour as you eventually cave in, leaning in to press a soft kiss to his lips.

you pull away as a camera clicks from behind you, a blinding white flash, forcing you to blink away the light. megumi looked smug as hell, finally enjoying the first time he’s successfully managed to one up gojo. the childlike glee in his typical sullen expression being the one that gojo desperately wanted to protect.

“you little…” gojo took off after that not bothering to finish his sentence, busy chasing megumi down the hallway outside into the car park where your back window conviently faced.

gojo now had megumi in a headlock much to the dismay of their driver, who honestly looked so worn out and so over their nonsense. gojo’s long arms desperately tries to reach for the camera in megumi’s hands but to no avail as the camera is already in the air before he can react.

in a move no one saw coming, megumi manages to shake off the invincible gojo by biting his finger. the white haired man winces in pain looking at his slightly reddening finger with minimal concern, as the camera lands in the driver’s hands.

after a few minutes of roughhousing gojo surrenders, warily draping his arm lazily over megumi’s shoulder as they make their way back to the car. your heart warms as the love and admiration they have for eachother is clearly shared in their own weird ways.

with the playful display of bravado over with now, you peel your eyes away from the window, closing the lights, blinds and whiteboard, grabbing your jacket before locking your classroom door shut.

your walk home is nothing short of uneventful but even as the music blares in your headphones, you can’t get over the sound of megumi and gojo battling it out in the school car park, the thought of that bringing a smile to your face.

he truly did love him.

[ragingbookdragon]

A Memory Lives On

Simon "Ghost" Riley x Reader One-Shot

Word Count: 1.7K Warnings: Sad...?

Author's Note: I kinda forgot Simon's entire family was murked on Christmas Eve so...here's sad and kind of happy -Thorne

**********************************************************************

Spades always has a ridiculous amount of money. Everyone is at an understanding that it’s from her job as an international assassin, but they still can’t help but wonder how there just seems to be a never-ending flow of funds. That being said, they’ve never exactly questioned the extra supplies and protype weapons that mysteriously appear in the base for their whims. And the gifts she gives are stellar too.

Last year on Gaz’s birthday she bought two thousand dollars’ worth of Lego sets of the Death Star and the Millennium Falcon from Star Wars. Gaz cried. He literally opened the wrapping paper and cried for a solid five minutes because he had been so happy.

Another year she gave Soap a week’s vacation for his birthday, a full week rented at Blair Castle in Highland Perthshire. The entire castle to himself, full service from the best cooks and servants’ money could buy. Soap came back more Scot than he’d ever been.

One birthday, she’d given Price six boxes of rare cigars, three boxes for each brand of Royal Danish Cigars and Arturo Fuentes Opus X. Everyone had to admit that they’d never seen the Old Man so damned relaxed while smoking a cigar whilst reclining in a velvet chair with a bourbon in his hand.

And yet, for Ghost, she never gave him gifts. But then again, he never celebrated his birthdays to begin with, so there wasn’t ever a need. Ghost didn’t do parties like the others did. Didn’t want cake and beer and junk food and to relax. Ghost worked on his birthdays. It wasn’t a special day to him. It was just another Tuesday or Friday. Still though, he respected Spades for not spending lavish amounts of money on him like she did the others. It wasn’t worth it; he wasn’t worth it.

It does surprise him however, to see her at his door when he opens it at six, already awake before then, but he’d finished paperwork in the meantime.

She smiles calmly, eyes a telling tale she has something planned. “Good morning, Simon,” she greets. “I do believe a Happy Birthday is in order for our resident phantom.”

He grunts in response and waits for her to move—she doesn’t.

“Price has already cleared us for leave today and I’ve something for you. Would you mind accompanying me?”

Now he’s curious, suspicious, but more so curious. “I don’t have a choice, do I?”

“You always do, Simon,” she replies with a tut. “But I would enjoy your presence if you came along. It is a gift for you.”

Ghost lets out a sigh, but motions for her to lead and she does, to the garage where he climbs in the SUV with her and allows her to take him. “Where are we going?” he asks, but the signs on the road are familiar enough that he already knows.

“Manchester. There’s something waiting for us.”

It’s all she says, and the rest of the ride is filled with silence until they pull into the parking lot of The University of Manchester and begin walking across campus.

“Please don’t tell me I’m attending a college class,” he mutters, and she lets out a laugh.

“Oh, indeed we are. A course on morals and how ambiguous they can be during war.” She gives him a look and gestures for him to follow.

There’s a woman standing there outside the doors, and she smiles as the two approach. “Miss Christensen it’s so wonderful to see you.”

Christensen, Spades fake surname she uses, he recognizes.

“It’s wonderful to see you, Mary.” She introduces Ghost. “This is a friend of mine, he’s accompanying me today. His name is Michael.”

Ghost’s lip curls in disgust at the name but he shakes her hand and allows them to lead, wondering what on earth is at the university for him.

Mary leads them into an office, and they sit across from one another; he feels awkward in the confined room, but relaxes as Spades’ hand rests on his forearm. “So,” she starts, “To what do I owe the pleasure of this visit, Miss Christensen?”

Spades smiles. “Michael and I were both intrigued on perhaps obtaining more degrees. We came to check out the potential majors and more importantly, the scholarships we could apply for.”

“Oh yes!” Mary chirps and pulls out a folder that Ghost wonders if she has pre-made for visits like these. “We have quite a few. Old ones that have been around for years, and our newest ones that have been in circulation for the last few years.”

“I heard you had a particular new one that showed up. Would you explain that one?”

“Ah, yes, our newer scholarship started by a rather mysterious sponsor.” She pulls out a packet. “The Joseph Riley Foundation.”

Ghost all but freezes at the mention of a name he hasn’t heard in years.

“Our sponsor created the foundation in memory of a young boy who was sadly killed many years ago. His name was Joseph Riley. Grew up right here in Manchester. From what our sponsor told us, he loved jets and wanted to fly one in the army.” She smiles, but it’s full of sadness. “It’s unfortunate he never got to experience it. Still though, his memory lives on here.” She hands the packet to them, and Spades simply gives it to Ghost to look over. “This scholarship works hand in hand with the British Special Air Services, or SAS, and gives students the opportunity to have a job in the SAS when they graduate. As long as they meet the required terms, they join as an officer with a bonus if they graduate above a three grade point average.”

“Specifically, what does the scholarship provide? Is it entitled to specific degree?”

“Indeed. Aviation degrees, specifically those in aviation engineering and maintenance, aeronautical science, and physics.” She seems rather pleased with herself that she knows so much. “Our sponsor supplies endless funds and expertise along with it for this scholarship, it’s perhaps become one of our most coveted scholarships simply because it’s extremely beneficial to the education. Most of our students in those majors have this.”

Spades is content to listen as she rattles on about it, but Ghost is still stuck on the pages of the history of the scholarship, and a photo of a small boy with a face that looks too familiar.

***

By the time the entire tour is done, Ghost is as mentally drained as Spades looks and she bids farewell to Mary as she escorts the two to their vehicle and waves them goodbye as they pull out of the parking lot.

Spades says nothing, content to stay in silence, but Ghost feels like he has to say something, even if he isn’t even sure what to say.

“Why.”

A snort escapes her. “Because typical birthday gifts aren’t your cup of tea.”

“I haven’t thought about Joey in years,” he murmurs, staring out the window. “I can’t bear to.”

“Yes, I imagine it’s not a pleasant memory…the end, at least. He was just a babe, wasn’t he?”

“Five,” Ghost says quietly. “He…had just turned five.”

She sighs deeply but doesn’t offer Ghost the pitied, “Such a horrid shame,” he’s heard before.

“You come here every year on my birthday?”

“Mhm,” she responds. “I visit the science building and interview the students who’ve obtained the scholarship. Make sure it’s being put to good use. And then I cash a very generous multi-million-dollar check to the school for the foundation. Keeps it thriving and sought after.”

Ghost has never kept the memory of his family alive. It died with him that Christmas Eve as the only surviving Riley. But something aches deep in his chest as he imagines his nephew fresh out of basic, ready to travel and be a pilot for the jets he so loved playing with as a babe. He swallows thickly and looks out the window as Manchester fades away. “Thank you, Spades.”

“Happy Birthday, Simon,” she replies instead and turns on the radio, a catchy pop song drowning out the ache in his chest. “I do have one more gift, if you’ll let me spoil you a little.”

Ghost lets out a groan, already drained far too emotionally to do this again. “You know I don’t do gifts.”

“Hush,” she tuts with a disapproving click of her tongue and commands, “Reach behind your seat.”

He does as she says and reaches back and down, grasping what feels like a box; Ghost pulls it to his lap and stares at it. “What is it?”

“Well, perhaps if you open it?”

He ignores the sarcastic jab and carefully removes the tape around the box and opens it. Inside is a smaller box, about twelve inches and he pulls it out, tosses the first box into the backseat, and opens the second. His eyes widen as he stares at the blade resting in the velvet.

“…Wow…” he manages to mutter, and she smirks at the wheel.

“Pretty, isn’t it?”

“Indeed, she’s lovely,” he says, taking the knife out to admire it.

“She’s one of a kind too. Made by an old Blackfeet man in the mountains of Montana. One of the best blades men for diamond knives there is.” She reaches over and touches the hilt. “It’s made from a buffalo and carved with protection symbols.”

Ghost twists the knife in his grip, handling it like any other. “It’s just for show, isn’t it?”

“Oh no, sweetheart,” she says. “That knife is one hundred percent battle ready.” Her expression changes. “I had thought about an obsidian blade. Wanted to make a joke about having a knife as black as your heart, but then I figured why waste it when I can get you a knife I know you’ll use. Hence, the diamond knife.”

“It’s really made of diamonds?”

“Indeed. One of the strongest knives you’ll ever find on the face of this earth. It’ll make for quick work of jugulars and aortas.”

Ghost is seemingly satisfied as he stows the knife in the hide sheath and tucks it into his jacket; and she can feel the smirk he has on his face, knowing he’s itching to use it.

“Happy Birthday, Ghost.”

[couldawouldashoulda50]

A heart full of regret Part 2.1 (William Nylander)

Leading up to this here and here

I have to admit that I was struggling with this part - I started and stopped so many times and I really have no actual structure when I sit down and start typing. Hopefully it's not terrible - this is just focusing on the time that William is traveling in December during the Dad's trip while Y/N is in the UK, before returning home to Toronto.

Warnings - swearing, angst

Word count 3.5k

As the days went on, William refocused his energy on hockey. He had begun a new point streak in consecutive games but there had been moments where it appeared some of the intensity from his stellar start to the season thus far, particularly in Sweden, had started to wane.

The lull in the schedule during the first week of December afforded the entire team some additional practice time as well as the opportunity to participate in charity events around the city.

William welcomed the break with being the prime focal point of the media beginning to diminish. Constantly being in the spotlight for a few weeks had its perks, but William had to admit, it was wearing after a while. He wondered how you managed to stay above it all for so many years.

When he would ask you questions about fame and celebrity, while in the afterglow of the intense body bliss you two shared, you always said you were a reluctant celebrity; you never put much stock in the fame part of your musical career. You were just a girl, who loved to sing and make music, and somehow that path panned out for you.

As the second week of December was underway, the Maple Leaf organization held another Dad’s trip; a much beloved time for the players and staff. The Dad’s and mentors watched their sons wallop Nashville on the first game of the trip. The following day the club headed to Long Island in advance of the game the following day. The buzz was generally around John Tavares being at 998 points, and confidence was high that he could hit 1000 points in front of his former team and the fans that tirelessly booed him.

The energy was electric on the bus ride from the airport to the hotel and lively conversation and laughter echoed throughout.

Later that afternoon, the group reconvened in the hotel lobby after taking the opportunity to rest and relax once they were all checked in.

William spots the Swedish contingent of the group and heads over to stand with them while they await for the last few stragglers and for the transportation to arrive to whisk them off to dinner.

William scans the open concept lobby and spots Morgan and his Dad, Andy, relaxing in the plush seating alongside Brian Matthews and Auston, as well as Max and Tie Domi. They seemed to be glued to watching something on Max’s phone. 

William watches as Max swipes and scrolls on his phone. The group suddenly appears to lean closer to the phone. After a few seconds, he hears the group chime “Happy Birthday, Y/N!!” in unison.

William’s stomach flips with hearing your name. Others that are close by make their way over to where Max is holding his phone to photo-bomb the group, wave at the screen and give their well wishes when they realize it's you on the other end. 

Fuck - it’s her birthday today.

You and William had not been in touch since you left his condo a week ago. For two people that seemed to gel with one another so perfectly, once out of sight, you had become accustomed to not being part of each other’s lives at all.

What bothered him more right now is your friendship with his teammates.

William felt he was on the outside looking in with someone he was once so close with. Someone whom he is developing intense feelings for once more. Someone, he realizes, he may never have another chance with again.

He didn’t always feel like this - this feeling of deep envy knowing that you have carried on with your own friendships with some of William’s friends and teammates. In the past, during your times together, he was happy - proud even - as he watched you mix with teammates and their significant others so effortlessly.

Callë nudges William, bringing him back to reality as the group begins to file toward the exit and through the revolving doors toward the large coach that awaits.

Dinners during the Dad’s trip are always one of the many highlights. The exchanges are always lively and interesting; a chance for many of the fathers to commiserate with their own individual experiences with helping to guide their sons to the NHL.

A mentor of William’s accompanied on this trip; having seen William just three weeks prior in Stockholm, and knowing he was headed to Toronto for Christmas, Michael Nylander had decided to opt out on this Dad’s trip. As William noted in an interview, he has 4 other kids that he has to look after; he can’t always be doing things with him.

As much as he was enjoying himself at the restaurant, William wished his Dad was here. William could talk to his Dad about virtually anything, and in turn, he would give William sound advice, leaving the final decision making up to his son. William wondered what his Dad would say about the circumstances between you both.

William was lost in thought when Jake sat in a vacant chair at the table next to him. “How’s it goin Willy? You good?”

“Hey Cabe-r…doin alright - what’s going on man” William chuckles, straightening up in his chair unaware he was slouching.

“Ha, well - my Dad’s having the time of his life jawing with everyone else…you looked a bit down in the mouth sitting over here on your own.”

“Nah, man - I’m alright. Just got some things on my mind”, William smiled. “Thanks though”, he added.

“Too many women, not enough time?” Jake laughs.

“I think you got the first part right….”, William paused, contemplating how much he should reveal. Jake smirked at the star winger and chuckled. “Sounds interesting….go on…”

William continued tentatively. “I, uh….hooked up with this girl recently, around the end of November. Last week, she showed up at my place, drunk…and uninvited, with a friend of hers. I wasn’t alone at the time and she caused a bit of a scene - had to threaten to call security to get her to leave but her friend ended up dragging her out instead.”

“Ha - oh shit, you weren’t kidding with the too many women thing.” Jake laughed, shaking his head.

“Yeah, well - I had strung this girl along - the drunk one. Our first date - thing…whatever it was - didn’t go very well, but I thought I could…you know…just in case I was in the mood…she lives close by…” William gestured for Jake to fill in the blanks.

“Ahhh….right - got it...” Jake paused. “So wait - you said you weren’t alone…so you had another girl over at the time the drunk one showed up…with her friend?” Jake smiled and threw his head back as he laughed harder. “Fuck Willy - let me know when I should start feeling bad for you…”

“Yeah - I know…fucking nothing problems…which I brought on myself - I get it. It’s just that the girl I had over, I - like…I really care about her. We’ve known each other for years…she’s the only girl, outside of my family anyway, that just gets me. It’s so easy and fun being with her…know what I mean? And it’s always been like that - she’s got this crazy, interesting life and yet she’s always more interested in what’s going on with me and my life. She’s super down to earth too. And….not saying this is everything but fuck, she’s drop dead gorgeous. I mean like fucking 12 out of 10.”

Jake nods his head and grins; he can see the way that William lights up talking about you.

“Now, I’m pretty sure she thinks I'm a total sleaze because of these two girls that showed up looking for…you know…”

“Fuck bro…bit of a fuckin mess”, Jake shot William a knowing smirk, and continued to shake his head.

“I still don’t feel that bad for you…” Jake chuckled and gave him a couple of pats on William’s shoulder. “So, let me guess…was it Y/N who you had over at the time?”

“Fuck…is it that obvious?” William asked, lowering his head slightly.

“No, it’s not that…I heard rumours about you awhile ago…that you two were sort of involved on and off again but because of schedules or whatever, it didn’t work out. I kind of wondered when she came by last week whether you two would get to talking…you seemed pretty happy to see each other”

“Yeah, some not so great things happened before - it was really just me who sort of treated her like shit in the end. I kind of just lost her number, pretended I never knew her - and well, just stopped talking to her altogether. Then a couple of years later, I did something really fucking dumb and I basically hurt her all over again.”

“So….did she freak on you about the women looking for what - a threesome?”

“Nah - she just looked….I dunno - she just asked if I was ok. I think she tried to look like it didn’t bother her or look like she was disappointed but she just wasn’t the same after those girls left.”

William proceeds to explain the rest of the evening, and the fact his family is staying at your place over Christmas.

“So what’s the deal then…you looking for advice or what?”, Jake asked. William cracked a smile. “Sure - I guess, if you’ve got some.”

“Well, maybe start by breaking the ice…it’s her birthday today, maybe you could…wish her a Happy Birthday?” Jake said, rather sardonically. He enjoyed ribbing William at times.

“Well, yeah….of course, I had planned to…”.

“Yet, you haven’t…c’mon man…maybe just ask her how she’s doing…she just lost someone that meant a lot to her. Be there for her if she needs someone to turn to. It’ll take less than two minutes.”

William nodded his head in acknowledgment.

“Don’t even think about it - it’s simple….” Jake said as he stood up from the chair, giving William a couple more firm pats on the back. “If you care about her, let her know; even if she thinks you are a total fuckin’ sleaze, this might help change her mind a little. I don’t think I need to tell you that she’s worth a little bit of effort at least”.

Yeah. She is he agrees silently.

William takes a deep breath and his thumbs begin to tap away on the screen.

Hey Y/N, Happy Birthday…hope you had a great day. Hugs from me and the boys. Hope you are doing ok.

William smiles as he sends the next message.

So….where are you? 😉

During the months after you first met, you and William (loosely) stayed in touch, mainly with random texts asking where the other was in the world. The response would be a photo of your surroundings when you opened the message. Bathroom, bedroom, rooftop or beach…it didn’t matter, a photo without any context would appear once the question was asked. As time went on, and the more you and William had become more attracted to one another, the racier the photos would often become.

William knew the time difference was roughly the same in the UK as it was in Sweden, and he calculated it to be roughly 2:30 am. He wasn’t going to hold his breath for a response, and he slipped his phone into his pocket and rejoined his guest and the rest of the group as dinner wound down and dessert was being served.

Eventually, his phone vibrated once, and then once more. He grabbed his phone and quickly opened his text notifications to see you had responded.

“Thank you for thinking of me - I really appreciate it….hope the trip is going well so far”

William’s phone vibrates again.

A short video showing an elegant indoor swimming pool appears. William can see your reflection in the wall of windows as you sit by the pool's edge while recording the video. William continuously replays it; his eyes are firmly fixed on your slender figure as he studies your profile, wishing he was there waiting for you in the pool to give you your own private birthday celebration. If he was there, bathing suits would not be necessary; he would have had you pressed up against the pool wall by now, your legs wrapped around his midriff as his muscular abdomen pressed against your core.

“At my place in London now" “Earlier, I was here…”

An image of a glass igloo appears, dimly lit with soft neon lights situated on a slightly snow covered rooftop terrace. A few more images from the same rooftop were received, which all boasted incredible views of the frosted London skyline at night. William was more interested in perusing the faces of those in attendance; he swears he recognizes some of them as cast members of Game of Thrones.

“If you ever come to London, this place is a must. Look up Wagtail. It’s even on King William Street…”

William smiles and chuckles as he rereads your message a few more times.

His smile quickly disappears when he watches the pool video again. He begins to wonder if you are by yourself - going for a swim at 2:30 am - after celebrating your birthday. William knows that he certainly would not be flying solo under those same circumstances.

William zooms back in on the rooftop photos.

He texts back:

“Are some of your friends from Game of Thrones - like seriously???”

It's not long before you respond again.

“Ha - yeah, a few of them. They’re ready to disown me though…I still haven't seen the show…never got past Season One. Just never had time”

William can't help grinning. If he can get away with ribbing you, he will.

“Wow…that is a bad friend (jk). I'll come over sometime if you want - I've seen it but wouldn't mind watching it again in your theatre room 😉”

William stalls typing in the question he wants to know the most.

Just ask her and get it over with.

“So is your party moving to the pool now?”

William grips his phone and his jaw unconsciously tenses as the three dots flicker and fade while you type your response.

“Nope. Party's over…I'm just winding down before I head to bed. I'm so old and boring, eh?  Don’t answer that."

William feels like he's dodged a missile.

“You’re definitely neither of those”

Although it was so subtle, William hoped that you could sense the affection and desire those words carried for you.  

A bubble indicating a voice text from you appears.  “Just wanted to say thank you for the birthday wishes and I hope your trip is going well.  I think we’d better chat about your family arriving next week.  I’m leaving soon for New York and then home. I’ll let you know when I’m back.  Safe travels and good games, William…goodnight.”

William acknowledges your message with a heart.�� He can't help but to feel relieved with how open you seemed to be with talking to him.  

“Fuck sakes Willy - you’ve been on your phone all night…jesus - put it away already.” Morgan elbows William in the arm. “Here’s a glass of wine…hang out -  relax.”

William accepts Morgan’s offer and sits down with Morgan and a few other Dad’s, including Andy Rielly.  

With Morgan being the longest tenured Leaf, Andy’s gotten to know some of the players quite well over the years, along with their fathers and other family members.  

Andy strikes up a conversation with William, asking him how his family is and how proud they must have been to see him play in Stockholm.  Andy asked about the dogs, if William likes living in Yorkville, and they discuss how much the city has changed since he and Morgan first started playing for the Leafs. They discuss Christmas and Andy laughs at William’s nonchalant response when he asks him if he’s started shopping for gifts for his family; not yet but he’ll get to it was William’s answer.   

Andy arrived at the question of whether the Nylanders would be travelling to Toronto over Christmas.  William didn't plan to divulge too much information about his holiday arrangements but he always found Andy so engaging and easy to talk to, William ended up mentioning the plan to stay at your house.

“That really sounds wonderful; what an awesome opportunity to relax and enjoy a couple of days off surrounded by your family.  Your Dad's quite the chef, is he not?  I expect you'll be eating well whenever Michael's manning the kitchen.”

William laughs.  “Oh yeah, for sure - that's him. He's a great cook.  But I think Y/N arranged for an actual chef for a couple of days so Dad can just hang out with us.  Y/N's got some pretty cool stuff to do in her house so I'm looking forward to some downtime…practicing my drive with the golf simulator will be my first stop…that kinda thing.”

“Tessa was telling Shirley and I before of how entertaining her place was from all the gal get-togethers Y/N’s had. Pretty nice setup.”

“Yeah, I haven't been there for a long time…looking forward to seeing what she's added over the years.” William’s eyes shift downward as he ponders what to say next.

Andy pauses for a moment.  He feels like he's hit on something uncomfortable for William, so a change of subject might be in order.  

As if on cue, Brian Matthews approaches the group of men and sits in a chair between William and Andy.  Brian makes similar small talk with William citing a few funny anecdotes from when Auston and William first started playing together.  

Music begins to softly stream from a nearby phone, surrounded by Joe Woll, Matthew Knies and their fathers.  Andy recognized the song almost immediately, having watched the same video earlier that night in the hotel lobby.  It was a sorrowful ballad that you had written and  performed as a duet at Shane’s funeral.  Excerpts from the funeral which had been streamed live had begun to make their way onto all the social platforms.  Your name had been trending rapidly after a transcendent performance headlined in the media as “a stunning tribute”, “a song of perfection” and "hauntingly beautiful”.

“Hey Joe, that's Y/N singing, right? From the funeral?” Andy asked.

“Yeah - it is - what a beautiful song.  It's amazing.” Joe, himself a mostly self-taught pianist, found himself completely transfixed by listening to your composition.

William approaches the small huddle and stands behind Matthew to get a better view of the screen.  His cheeks flush with warmth at the sight of you as you stand at the altar, in a grand old church in Ireland, playing that steel-plated guitar and singing with a pitch-perfect voice that sounded powerful and soft at the same time.

William thought if he could walk out of the restaurant, hop on a plane and come to see you in London, with no consequence or recourse to his team or his career, he would have already been on his way.  

He studies your face as you sing, your eyes closed and brows furrowed with a glint of a tear threatening to escape and roll down your cheek.  Amazingly, you kept your composure as the hundreds in attendance chimed in to sing the chorus.  It was a moment of pure magic and heartbreak at the same time.

So I'll drink today, love

I'll sing to you, love

In pauper's glory, my time I'll bide

No home, no ties, love

A restless rover

If I can't have you by my side

Desperation is not William’s style, but the deep yearning he’s been harbouring for you now is completely uncaged and is running wild within him; he now understands how desperately he wants you.

As the fun-filled evening winds down, the group (after being fed so well and for some, a few too many drinks and feeling no pain), return to the hotel and retire to their respective hotel rooms.  

Back in his room, William finishes brushing his teeth and slides between the sheets of the queen-size bed.  He quickly loosens the tightly tucked-in hospital corners of the blankets so he feels less like he’s in a cocoon. He swipes his phone open and taps one of the social platforms; it does not take long to locate exactly what he is looking for.

William watches one clip after another as several international media outlets posted content from the live stream.   It felt a little surreal; a little dream-like for him to watch you like this again - like you are a renewed part of his life again. You’re all he can think of now and William felt hopeful that you might still be within reach based on, at the very least, the friendly tone of your responses tonight.

William indulges in a few more photos of you but knows if he continues along this path, his arousal will get the better of him - he’s just simply too tired for that tonight.  

William opens the last text exchange with you.  He types “Good Morning” and taps send.  He thinks if he can't be there in person, maybe he can still be your first thought when you wake up.

[ewanmitchellcrumbs]

Dearest Ange,

The penultimate episode is upon is. And maybe I was delusional in believing something great was coming when I saw people from SDCC saying it was really good, the best, better than Rook's Rest. I don't know how divisive this opinion of mine will be, but- it was not. Not close. I usually try to start our little tradition by putting some positives first and to be honest, I find it really difficult to do this time around because of the staggering way this episode was split- I can count the team green scenes on one hand, and that annoys me to no end- so I'll try and do it at the end. And the thing is, I'm not a book purist in the slightest. I believe that when changes are made, once they're for the better, then I'm for it, once the essence, themes, and overarching messages are still there. And yes, I'm aware that Fire and Blood is written as an unreliable historical account. But to me, the entire Dance of the Dragons, among many things, is about how regardless of who you think is the rightful heir to the throne, Rhaenyra or Aegon, is that both these factions commit atrocious acts in times of war, most of these characters are not cartoonish villains, or a faultless hero, a superman or sorts. They are ambitious, prejudiced, and many of them are uncaring of how the war impacts the smallfolk, because their emotions and ambitions drive them.

Their faults and complexities make them as likeable or as unlikeable. Aemond's cruelty makes him unlikeable to some, but then that unwavering love and loyalty to his family, that makes us like him. Rhaenyra loves her children, her family, and when Lucerys dies, she lets go of reason and becomes "Maegor with Teats"- and people would root for her. Yet she's also as entitled, and prejudiced as the rest of the nobles- this makes her a unlikeable. These are just two examples, yet their show translations seeks to amplify the villainous traits of Aemond, and downplay Rhaenyra's faults, because she serves the 'higher purpose' of the Conqueror's dream. We only get shrivels of Aemond's complexity because of Ewan's stellar acting, and Emma, despite having any complexity of her character stripped away to be the pinnacle of moral greatness in the show, does well with what she's given, too.

And I know that these are thing's we've hashed over and over, and I had put them aside but this episode just....bored me. The entire dragonseed plot, while yes, is a book event, does take place, was just boring to me. Was it cool to see more dragons? Yes. Was I on my phone more times than I'll admit during the episode? Yes.

And I wanted to like it, I did, even though much of me is watching for love of the actors- some of which I hardly see. I remember during the episode I kept tapping the screen to see how much time had passed so many times, because I was like okay? We've been at Dragonstone for like forever? Show me Aemond at his council, more of him interacting with Helaena and her daughter, or Alicent, or Aegon, or even him alone, anything. Sorry if my little review felt overly negative this week, Ange. Here are my positives:

Aemond on a horse- it made me giggle idk why

Vermithor and Silverwing, even though I always pictured Silverwing as more shimmery

Alys, even though she's not in this episode

Gwayne, even though he's not in this episode

Aemond on a horse....again

Helaena and Aemond in the preview (We both know it'll probably be just a tease to nothing, like the last time, but I like to delude myself it seems)

One more to go, Ange, and though I'm disappointed, I do like sending my little post-show asks. Interacting in fandom has hurt me in the past, but our little thing's making me come out of my shell more and more.

-🦋 anon

Oh, and I hope Ryan Condal sleeps with both sides of his pillow humid, hot and miserable, like he's made me watching this season.

I am so glad these exchanges are helping you to come out of your shell, and I am beyond flattered that I am able to provide a space in which you feel comfortable doing so! I hope you continue to once this season finishes - honestly, once the season ends is when the fun stuff happens. People's brains switch from taking in and processing every episode, to creating for what they have seen, and I think we have been given a bucketload to work with this season. I'm excited to see what people are inspired to create, as well as getting stuck in myself.

Onto my episode thoughts!

What on earth was the point of Alicent's depression camping trip? Visually stunning, but utterly meaningless to the plot. Yes, she's fallen out with Aemond, but Aegon and Helaena both need her and she's fucked off to skinny dip and sulk in the woods. UGH.

I do not understand the timeline we are working with at all here - last episode, Aegon resembled a half cooked pizza, his leg was still broken. Now Orwyle has him up and about, and attempting to walk? His burns look healed? WHAT???

That scene of Jasper telling Larys about Seasmoke was utterly pointless and I'm angry that it was laid over the top of one of the only Aemond scenes we were given this entire episode.

No Helaena. Otto isn't back in King's Landing yet. Why are they hiding the Greens from us?!

I thought Rhaena would claim Sheepstealer this episode. I would like to see more of her tracking him. I feel like when she actually does get him to bend his neck to her, it's going to feel rushed. This is something they could have spread out over a few episodes, and I wouldn't have minded.

I loved seeing so much more of the dragons this episode. They all have such interesting designs. I think I find Syrax the most aesthetically pleasing, because she looks like a Boglin and it's cute.

In this episode I do feel we got a glimmer of Rhaenyra being as cruel and callous as Team Green have been portrayed to be - simply shutting all of those people in with Vermithor, knowing they would likely die, and having given them no instructions for how to actually lay claim to a dragon is wildly irresponsible, and she didn't seem at all perturbed by the fact that he was burning and eating them all alive. Unfortunately, to mainstream viewers that will be perceived as something to be revered than to be critical of though.

I'm glad that Daemon's storyline has been pushed along, now that he has the fealty of the River Lords, despite the fact they all fucking hate him lmao fingers crossed that that is the last of the hallucinations.

I very much enjoyed Aemond's two thirds of a Valyrian triathlon - the horse, and then dragonback. His physicality is so interesting to watch, and it was cool to see him panic at the sight of all of the dragons on Dragonstone.

This episode was hit and miss for me, and I cannot help but wonder what sort of a cliff hanger they are gonna end season two on! There's going to be a death, I can sense it...

[liminalmemories21]

I’ve spent the better part of the last few weeks reading and rereading several of your works on ao3. I think you’re phenomenal - I haven’t branched out yet and read to much else in this fandom but it was such a joy to stumble upon your fics when first reading Tarlos. Out of the Woods is a masterpiece and I am OBSESSED with The Square root of Sixty-Nine. Not because it’s *spicy* (though good job on that lol) but because it is so raw and sweet. I relate to Carlos so much. His anxiety and his general everything- and TK is so good and patient and loving even in the pre-relationship parts of that fic. It makes my chest hurt, you can actually feel both of the characters falling for each other even though we just get Carlos’s point of view (which - I’d love to hear any thoughts you have on what TK is feeling during that fic cause MAN he is so good to Carlos in it) and it along with the rest of your work is just so stellar and beautiful. I love the sister in law fic as well, I’ve read it like 3 times already.

Anyway you’re just so so good a this, I hope you continue to write and look forward to whatever you do in the future.

Thank you! This is a lovely thing to come home to.

I think TK in square root of sixty-nine is in deeper with Carlos than he wants to admit, to Carlos or to himself. I think that because Carlos asked him to dance + whatever else they got up to that night, was so confident in taking TK home and throwing him down on the couch, that TK assumed a lot of things about Carlos that turned out not to be true, and he's kind of feeling his way through landmines he doesn't even know are there at first.

I think TK's also had a really different experience of sex than Carlos has - he comes from what I think we all assume is a very sex-positive household, and with parents who probably gave him overly enthusiastic safe sex talks. I think he's probably had one or two long term boyfriends, and that's given him time to figure out what he likes and doesn't like, and how to ask for it, and how to say no. I think he's also probably had a lot of shitty sex with people who used him when he couldn't really give consent, or he let himself be used because he wanted to feel something, anything. And, I think he's seen more - both on the job, and from when he was using. And that's given him a really strong idea of what he doesn't want to do, and who he doesn't want to be, and he wants to give Carlos something better.

In my head, consent is vital for TK - because he had Gwyn and Owen (and probably Enzo) who drilled it into him, and also because he's been in situations where consent was an afterthought. And he's not that person anymore, he trying really hard not to be that person anymore, and making sure that anything he does with Carlos is consensual for both of them is a hard line for him.

[seriouslysam8]

Brumous Sneak Peek

Sorry, this is a day late and unedited. LIFE, GUYS, LIFE.

Chapter Thirty-Four: Halloween

When Sirius arrived at McGonagall’s office, Harry was already seated across from her, his hands folded in his lap and his back stiff. Sirius took a seat next to him, a hand reaching out to squeeze his shoulder in greeting. Harry shot him a look, though his face didn’t give away why they were all brought together. McGonagall peered at them over her glasses, her face severe and strict.

“Thank you for coming on such short notice, Mr Black,” McGonagall started.

Sirius looked over at McGonagall, leaning back in his chair and placing his ankle on the opposite knee. “How can I help you today, professor?”

McGonagall glanced over at Harry with dismay clear as day on her face but Harry didn’t move. “Mr Potter has failed to attend Defense Against the Dark Arts for the past two weeks now,” she started, cutting straight to the chase.

Sirius couldn’t blame his godson in the slightest. He wouldn’t want to be around Snape either right now, knowing what he had done to Marlene.  

“I wasn’t feeling well,” Harry replied automatically.

McGonagall raised her eyebrows. “For just Defense and no other classes?”

Harry shrugged. “I’ve been waking up with migraines lately. Defense is first thing in the morning and it usually goes away by my second class.”

Damn, the kid was a good liar, Sirius would give him that. He arched an eyebrow at Harry, knowing there was no way he was actually having headaches. But he’d be damned if he wasn’t on Harry’s side and backed him up.

“There you go,” Sirius said, waving his hand. “He’s been having headaches lately. If they don’t get better soon, I’ll make him an appointment with Ted.”

“Mr Black, everyone in this room knows that’s not the reason Mr Potter isn’t attending Defense,” McGonagall said in a flat tone. “I would hope you could see the benefit in him becoming more proficient in the subject matter, given the state of things. Mr Potter, I would hope that you haven’t given up your dream of being an Auror because you dislike Professor Snape.”

Harry’s jaw tightened. “I’ve just been having headaches, professor. I’ve kept up with the coursework. Ron turned in my last essay for me.”

“Class attendance is not a suggestion but a requirement,” McGonagall replied in a stern tone.

Sirius leaned his head back against his chair, his eyes focused on the ceiling. “I understand that attendance is a requirement, but Snape admitted that he left a woman to die,” he started, his gaze flickering down to McGonagall. “Harry’s godmother at that. I also know that Snape has bullied his students for years. Remus told me Neville Longbottom’s boggart is Snape, so please tell me how stellar of a professor that man is. Snape has, over the past five plus years, terrorized Harry because he dared to look similar to James. Snape hated us and he’s taking those sour feelings out on Harry, a child that he has authority over. So tell me, how is he still employed here?”

“Sirius, you know why,” McGonagall said, her eyes boring into him.

“Right, yeah, because him being a spy for the Order means he has to work here,” Sirius replied in a dry tone. “Makes perfect sense.”

“Regardless, the decision that Severus is a professor is here nor there for this situation,” McGonagall reasoned. “He is a professor and Harry has signed up for N.E.W.T. level Defense. He needs to attend class.”

Harry sighed, his chin dropping to stare at his lap.

“Look, Harry has weekly dueling lessons with the Aurors. Starting next month, he will also be tutoring younger years in Defense as a student leader,” Sirius explained. “Harry has also consistently been top of his class in Defense. I would wager that Harry could probably take the N.E.W.T. level exam right now and come out with an Outstanding. So instead of having him sit in a class with a professor who can’t teach worth shit, why don’t I hire him a private tutor to not only prepare him for his N.E.W.T. exam but also to prepare him for Auror training?”

Harry stared at Sirius, his lips twitching into a smile. Sirius winked at him.

“Who do you think would be an appropriate tutor for Mr Potter?” McGonagall asked.

Sirius didn’t even have to think. “Remus Lupin, of course. He can come to the castle every two weeks to have in-person lessons. Between lessons, Remus can assign Harry independent assignments. In case you didn’t know, Remus is dating my baby cousin Dora Tonks who is an Auror. I know Dora would be ecstatic to help Remus with the curriculum so that he’s appropriately challenged.”

McGonagall looked over at a very hopeful Harry. “I will speak to the headmaster about it. We will have a decision by next week.”

“Brilliant,” Sirius replied as he rose from his chair, rubbing his hands together. “I’ll talk to Ted just in case Harry’s headaches persist, yeah?”

[sleuthy-scientist]

Like Mother, Like Daughter.

When Emily returned from the dead, her mother's house had been the first place she went to after she knew everyone was safe. Once the corner collected Ian Doyle's body and Declan was in Tom Kohler's capable hands, that had been her first stop. She had gone with the intent to clear the air and mend fences with her mother.

Emily came to learn three things from that visit. First, her mother had been told the truth of her faked death from her boss. The second thing being that even before learning she was alive, her mother hadn't felt it was necessary to attend her funeral. And thirdly, she couldn't fix a relationship that never was.

Even if it was a need to know matter and Ambassador Elizabeth Prentiss didn't have the exact level of security clearance needed, she found out Aaron told her mom a week after the funeral. He knew she could be trusted to keep a secret, and he felt as a parent himself, thought it would be cruel to let her suffer and grieve, when her daughter was still alive.

Aaron had known when they got Emily back, it would be hard enough for her, trying to pick up the pieces and reclaim her life. Even if he couldn't admit it then, the real reason he had told Elizabeth the truth was for Emily's sake. He knew they didn't have the most stellar or close relationship, but he didn't want this to be the thing that broke the camel's back.

It hurt Emily finding out her mother missed the funeral of her only child, truly showing how little she cared. Emily could've understood if her anger was coming from a place of hurt or betrayal. Especially because her faked death had been a matter of national security, and her mother hadn't been made aware of the truth right away.

But it hadn't mattered what Emily said, Elizabeth hadn't been willing to listen, or consider her side of things. Emily knew it went deeper than that, but even then, she hadn't wanted to accept the truth of their relationship that never was.

~~~~~~~~~~~

"I hope you have a daughter just like you".

Elizabeth had shouted those exact words, venom laced with vitriol and spite, the last time they spoke. Emily hadn't seen her mother in almost a decade since.

Yet, she could still clearly recall the conviction her mother's voice held, revealing the harsh but truthful implication in her words. It was just as Emily had always suspected, to her mother, she had always been a disappointment, something Elizabeth Prentiss saw as some sort of punishment. Like she couldn't understand what she possibly had done to deserve a daughter like Emily.

When she was younger, she had actually tried to make an effort to be the perfect little political puppet for her mother. For so long she thought she had been just that, but it was never enough. It didn't matter how good her grades were, how she dressed, or how well she behaved, Elizabeth always found fault in her.

Emily was done waiting, holding out hope for a day that would never come. Her mother was never going to be the mom she would always yearn for.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"I hope you have a daughter just like you".

The mantra repeated itself for months after their feud, haunting her for far longer than she ever cared to admit. Elizabeth's words may have been meant negatively, but she never knew how much Emily actually craved to be a mother herself. But, she wanted more than that, for her child(ren) to grow up with two parents, doubling the love and affection they deserved.

If she was ever blessed with the opportunities to have a family, Emily vowed to never take it for granted. If she was lucky enough to find that for herself, she would make them her priority and find the balance between parenthood and work that her mother hadn't even attempted to strive for.

But, Emily knew as it stood, it was still too soon after Doyle. She was too damaged and lost, to consider the possibility, not knowing if she even had a place to call home anymore. With her insecurities and need to mend friendships, she wasn't sure when she would be ready.

She couldn't help contemplating if the life she wanted would ever happen for herself. Or, if she had missed the boat, that ship has sailed long ago without her on board. Leaving her now to pay her penance, destined to be alone, never knowing the full joy of parenthood.

~~~~~~~~~~~

"I hope you have a daughter just like you".

In some ways she got her wish two years later when she officially became Jack's stepmother, eleven short months after her and Aaron finally took the plunge. He wasn't a daughter obviously, but it renewed her hope that one day she might have a daughter too. To give Jack a best friend for life, she just had to beat the tick of her biological clock first.

~~~~~

"I hope you have a daughter just like you".

It was the sentence she heard in her head three and a half years after those words were first uttered to her. When the timer finally dinged indicating her test results were ready. It gave her cause to pause and wonder if she was ready, regardless if the test was positive or not.

~~~~~~

"I hope you have a daughter just like you".

The words once again brought forth her insecurities when the doctor revealed their baby's gender at her twentieth week's scan. It was the outcome she had wanted to hear, but she couldn't stop the way it created a pit in her stomach. She was worried she would never be able to connect to her daughter, and her mother would be right about her.

It gnawed at her for days, growing uncontrollably, until Aaron convinced her to talk about whatever was bothering her. She knew he would have laughed, at her ridiculousness, had he not been able to see how troubled she truly felt by it. With each reason he listed, it was his unwavering faith, made in her defence about abilities to be a mother, that won her over in the end.

~~~~~~

"I hope you have a daughter just like you".

If her stubbornness to come out was anything to show, Emily had no doubt her little girl took after her. While Aaron was stubborn too, Emily had always beaten him when it came to battles of the will. Twelve days after her due date when her doctor decided to induce her, her daughter had already proven she was a worthy opponent.

~~~~~~~

"I hope you have a daughter just like you".

Emily knew appearance wise Grace took after them both, but to be fair they all had similar colouring. But, it was more than that, it was the way her daughter stubbornly fought off sleep as long as it was possible. Until her exhaustion overpowered her, just like both her parents were notorious for, especially during cases.

The moment that proved she was her mother's daughter however, came with Grace's first word. It wasn't mama, dada, Jack, or even nono (her title for Dave). No, her first word was Tesoro, the affectionate nickname Dave exclusively used to address Emily whenever he greeted her.

Although Grace pronounced it ''Tethro'', until she eventually caught on how to correctly say her 's' sounds. Either way, it was obvious very early on to her family they would have another polyglot on their hands.

If her ability to babble in English, French, and Italian, by the time she was in her terrible twos wasn't indication enough of her parentage, her attitude, facial expressions, and her natural compassion for others, made her a dead ringer for her mother.

~~~~~~

"I hope you have a daughter just like you".

For awhile she stopped hearing the words meant as a curse. It no longer haunted her as it once did, because the love she had for Grace was limitless.

If anything, it made her smile anytime someone compared her daughter to her, proud of every aspect of her little girl. From her sassy and stubborn demeanor to her larger than life personality, and insatiable thirst for knowledge.

It wasn't until she heard news of her mother's passing shortly after her baby girl turned six, that the last words her mother spoke to her plagued her dreams once more.

~~~~~~~

"I hope you have a daughter just like you".

The morning of her mother's funeral, those words played on a loop, a foggy haze in her mind, as she showered and dressed on autopilot, preparing herself to look presentable.

Knowing her mother though, if she had still been alive, she would have found some fault in appearance. Anything really, Emily had never passed her scrutiny unscathed. If Elizabeth was in heaven watching, she knew the woman was certainly judging her once more.

Emily had been dreading this morning for the days leading up to it, knowing she had to put the infamous compartmentalization facade she learned from her mother to good use. That is, if she wanted to have any hopes of getting through the day in tact.

She was glad Jessica had adamantly insisted on watching Grace for them, not wanting Emily to have to worry about her. The two women had grown extremely close, their bond had long ago transcended past their unspoken agreement to fulfill Haley's dying wish for Jack and Aaron.

They were genuinely very good friends, and Jessica knew Emily deserved to mourn the loss of her mother on her own terms. The wake and funeral however, would be easier to navigate things without having to split her focus worrying about her young daughter.

Jessica like Aaron, understood Emily didn't see it fair to subject Grace to attending a funeral for a woman she never met. It wasn't explaining the subject of death she was worried about. Emily just felt Grace was too young to understand the dynamics of the relationship her mother had had with her grandmother. Emily was trying to shield Grace by doing what was best for her.

She agreed to letting Aaron join her, knowing there was no way he would have even willingly considered ever leaving her to deal with something of this magnitude alone.

When their thirteen year old Jack insisted he attend as well, he reassured both Emily and Aaron regardless of how boring and long it might be, he wanted to be there for his Emmy. Emily didn't bother to even try to hide the few tears that slipped out at his gesture, she just pulled her sweet boy into a thankful embrace.

In the end most, of the actual day went by in a blur. Yet, Emily had never felt so out of place then during her mother's service. All the people who came up to her to pay their respects and reminisce about how amazing Elizabeth was. Emily could see their side of things, why they all saw her mother as an impressive and influential force of nature.

It was the most painful, psychological torture listening to all those in attendance spout on about her loss. She hated hearing everyone say she was lucky to have had such a wonderful mother and role model. To have them go on about how proud Elizabeth was of her, how she often spoke of her brave and selfless daughter, busy off saving the world. That she should never doubt how much her mother loved her in life.

Each well intentioned word they spoke, felt like sharp lies made of barbed wire. Only they couldn't see the damage they were doing, not when they truly believed what they were saying. And that hurt more, knowing her mother could fool everyone into believing she was Supermom, collecting that title on top of all her other accolades.

In the end, Emily wasn't even sure how she had managed to get up infront of the masses and lie through her teeth. She could only vaguely recall a few faces of the hundreds of people she interacted with. She knew at some point the team had stopped by to pay their respects as well.

Emily couldn't help but wondering, that it must have been through dumb luck and the sheer force of God's Grace that she got through her eulogy with both dignity and grace.

Now she stood at her mother's final resting place, ready to say goodbye.

~~~~~~

"I hope you have a daughter just like you".

Emily knew Elizabeth had known of Grace's existence, that she kept tabs on her life through mutual acquaintances, yet she never attempted to get in touch. But she knew in Elizabeth's eyes, she had gotten her spiteful wish meant to be a vindictive curse.

Her mother was right about one thing, Gracie was her through and through, not that Emily needed anyone to remind her of that. But, watching Grace and Jack grow up, happy and healthy knowing they were given the love and attention they needed gave her peace. They had all the things Emily never got, it was like watching a movie of how her own life could have played out.

Yet, Elizabeth would never know, to her, being Grace's mom was a healing balm from her own childhood. The greatest blessing of her life, one Emily cherished, but never felt truly worthy and deserving enough to have. The moment she held Grace in her arms, when her little girl opened her eyes, allowing them both to see each other for the first time, her whole world changed for the better.

She finally understood her dreams from years before. The recurring nightmare with the hill, and the little six year old girl dancing at the top with a carefree feeling and the warmth of the sun radiating down on her.

In her dreams the hill always got steeper and steeper as she tried to reach the top. Yet she kept climbing, knowing she needed to save the girl, because she was all alone. Only for the inevitable panic that set in at the top when she realised the little girl was gone. Emily knew the reality of all the horrors and possibilities that caused her to vanish. what that could mean. She had seen, heard, and experienced the horrors first hand.

The adult version of herself only knew a little girl was waiting all alone. She had wanted to protect the innocent girl from the horrors of the world. So she could never be robbed of sense of wonder, innocence, and her ability to see the beauty that surrounded her in the world.

For years she had theorized the purpose of her dream and the psychological meaning behind it. But now, Emily realised she was never meant to actually reach the girl at the top. It was an impossible task, her subconscious's way of trying to make sense and push her to deal with the trauma she internalized.

Because Emily knew the girl was her, and she never stopped waiting for her mom to save her. Some part of Emily was still wishing and waiting, dreaming of what she wanted most as a child, her mother's love, affection, and approval. Yet it had never come true, and living with the reality of that, even now, was a tough pill to swallow.

And now as a mother herself, it was even harder to wrap her mind around what she could have possibly done to make her mother feel that way. Why she had never been enough, not even for a second.

Not when Grace and Jack were her whole world. Emily knew she would do anything for them, even if she had to sacrifice herself or resort to murder to protect them.

It was still a bittersweet moment, but Emily wasn't devastated as she should have been, had their relationship had been different. She wished she could say she had been sad that her mother had never gotten to meet Grace and get know Jack. But she wasn't, she was glad she never gave Elizabeth the opportunity to hurt the most important and precious part of her life, her family.

But, Emily hoped if her spirit was somehow watching her, that she knowingly died with regrets. Not because she was vindictive or glad her mother died alone, but because she would finally know what it was like to wait, hope, and be let down. To know she pushed away the only person who had ever truly loved her unconditionally in life.

And now Emily stood ready to give the real eulogy her mother deserved. The eloquent one she had read back in church, had been her final performance as the perfect politician's puppet.

Listing off her mother's contributions to the world along with some sappy anecdotes of a childhood she never had. There hadn't been a dry eye in sight, when she was finished telling the tale of the woman, Elizabeth had always woven for them all to see her as.

But now without an audience present, she could speak the truth in her heart.

~~~~~~

"I hope you have a daughter just like you".

"You got your wish mom, and I'm sure you thought you had the last laugh. Grace is exactly like me, everyone makes comments to that effect".

"She has my laugh, but hers always carries to the next room, without the fear of being scolded for being heard".

"She has my unruly hair, but with a little care, patience, and attention, her locks are easy to tame".

"She has my affinity for languages and her imagination is as wild as mine once was. Yet, I refuse to dampen her spirit or discourage her insatiable curiosity as you did to me".

"She's got my humour and attitude, she's fiery, filled to the brim with thoughts and emotions, her passion always ready to spew out. But, she will never have to fear being seen as weak for showing her feelings, or feel the need to wear a mask as armour to protect her".

"She's all the things, you always criticized about me. So maybe your wish came true Mom, because she's exactly like me. But, you were wrong about one thing, loving her is the easiest thing, it's like breathing air".

"And, unlike my relationship with you, she will never not need me in her life, because I will never give her a reason to believe I don't want to be a part of her life. I will never not be grateful to have a daughter just like me. Being a mom to her and Jack is the best, most rewarding and successful thing, I've ever done in my life".

"And even if you were still here today, your words can't hurt me anymore. Nothing you could have said would ever be able to change my mind about the life and family I made for myself".

"I will never not be glad I had a daughter just like me, and I promise you I will never take her for granted. I'm just sorry you never felt that way for me".

From where she stood at the top of the hill she could see everything in the distance. Emily looked back to where her husband and stepson were waiting, and she knew she was ready to go home.

Emily peered down at her mother's grave once more feeling the comfort of the sun's warmth dance down on her back. She didn't feel sad, if anything she felt at peace. Emily had already spent her life mourning for what Elizabeth Prentiss had never been to her. It was time to let her go for good.

"Goodbye mother".

[motownfiction]

maraschino cherries

Lucy is stellar with words. She can spell them without seeing them, she can rattle off etymologies like song lyrics, and she always has the right adjective for a situation. Back in fifth grade, the popular kids called her The Thesaurus, and even though it was supposed to be an insult, Lucy wore it with pride. Damn right she’s The Thesaurus. She has a word for everything.

Except for the way she feels when she looks at Will.

She figured out – nay, admitted to herself – she had romantic feelings for him last year, in ninth grade, shortly before her fifteenth birthday. But it was different then. It was about wishing she could peck his lips before and after school, about wanting to dance with him to whatever shitty pop songs they play at school dances, about having someone to call my boyfriend and watching while other people got jealous. She wanted to go to the movies or out to dinner with Will and just Will, not all the Pisces, and she wanted it to mean something. Last year, it was all about the romance. If her feelings had been food, they’d have been heart-shaped cookies with pink sanding sugar. It all made sense.

It’s been sixteen days since Lucy’s sixteenth birthday, and that’s just not how she feels anymore. It’s not that she’s over Will. Far from it, actually. She’s thinking about him even more. When Will turned sixteen two days ago, it was like she couldn’t stop looking at him. Like he looked like a man to her. Like she just wanted to grab him by the collar, lead him down into that basement bedroom of his, and explain how she’s been feeling. It’s not cute anymore. It’s like agony. She can only describe it in similes and metaphor. It’s fire. It’s hunger. It’s being too full and being too cold. It’s every extreme depending on the day, and it is a parasite. If she could get rid of it, she would. Whatever this feeling is, it’s distracting. Last week, when Lucy was up in her bedroom trying to study for a French test the next day, she had to shut the book because she couldn’t stop thinking about when Will wore that black t-shirt to her birthday dinner. So what if it was the end of February, and it was cold? It was like he knew it made him look good. Like he knew it would haunt Lucy for weeks to come. She got a 95% on that test, but she knew she should have earned a perfect score. She probably would have, too, if she hadn’t thought about Will in his black t-shirt right in the middle of the exam. She foolishly circled the wrong letter in the multiple choice section, and she foolishly turned in her test before she could double check her answers. Thinking about Will seemed more important than conjugating savoir.

Right now, she’s sitting across from Will at the diner. She’s drinking a cherry Coke and biting her straw with incredible force. All she can do to fight it off. Will and Sam are singing “I Can See for Miles” in the most annoying voices possible, but Lucy does not care. That feeling is back, and this time, it feels like a stick of dynamite where it should never be. The rest of the world seems to spin on, but how could it? How could it when this girl is a bomb, and this boy is the detonator? And why won’t anyone else notice?

All Lucy can do is stab at the maraschino cherries at the bottom of her glass and make them explode.

(part of @nosebleedclub february challenge -- day 10!)

[officialjeffprobst]

Survivor 45 Week 11 Winner Rankings

I will admit, making this list was hard. Last episode was so good, and I think what happens next episode will paint a much clearer picture of the endgame. But as of right now, things are up in the air, and I’m only really sure of my number one pick. 

Dee - I can say with 90% or higher confidence that Dee is winning the game. She has been high up in my rankings for a while now, and with Emily out of the way, it seems inevitable. She has always been shown to be the leader of the Reba 4 and a skilled strategist. She has two people (Austin and Julie) that trust her completely and want to bring her to the end (or would be sure votes for her to win if they end up in the jury). She’s had tons of positive content in the edit. In the eyes of the jury, it looks like Julie is the front runner, but I suspect Julie now may not make it to the end. Even if she does, I think Dee has a great case to make in Final Tribal and will be able to convince the jury to vote for her no matter who she sits next to.

Jake - This might be crazy. This is probably crazy. Maybe I’m seeing stars because Jake finally had a good episode the other night, but I think that with Reba infighting, he’s in a much better position than he was before. I think there’s a really good chance he gets taken to the end–I think anyone is thinking straight, they should take him to the end. The only issue is him getting votes. Does he have a good enough story? Does he have the respect of the jury? His game has honestly been less than stellar, but he’s likable. His shot at the million is if he can be honest in Final Tribal, play to his strengths, and rely on a possibly bitter jury against any Reba he may be sitting next to. Probably best if he sits next to Katurah and Drew, which at this point, looks possible.

Austin - I think Austin has set himself up in a great position the entire game. Both Dee and Drew are loyal to him and want to take him to the end. He also has an idol, guaranteeing his spot in the final 5. The problem with Austin is his passivity–he’s done a great job playing under the radar and keeping a low threat level despite himself, but he hasn’t made flashy moves. Julie played one of his idols. He didn’t make a move against Julie and instead confided in Dee to keep the alliance together, despite Dee and Julie being threats kept together. If he had it his way, he sits next to Dee in the end, and in that situation, I think Dee wins. If things switch up, Dee and Julie leave the game, and he sits himself next to Drew and Jake or Katurah, he definitely has a chance if he can make a good speech. 

Katurah - Katurah…my feelings haven’t changed much on Katurah since last week. She just doesn’t seem to be playing the game, and if she starts now, it seems too late. Even though she’s likable, I just don’t see enough in her game outside of Bruce that tells the jury she deserves the win. I don’t have much more to say other than…if she wins, the Survivor editors have an issue. 

Julie - I really like Julie and she’s been growing on me the entire game. Her challenge performances are especially impressive. The issue with Julie is that with this past episode, I think she finds herself as the number one person to beat going into the endgame. I don’t think anyone wants to sit next to her, even Dee. Dee didn’t want her to go last episode and I think that’s probably what was best for her game, but I think after this, Dee may come to realize Julie is too big of a threat. (Apparently?) I believe everyone else will want Julie gone, and Austin may be able to convince Dee of it this time around. And like I said in last week’s rankings, her personal content has been cut from the show! Why would they leave in all these backstories from everyone except the winner? It doesn’t make much sense. She’s played great, but I don’t think she’s a winner.

Drew - Drew has essentially cut ties with Dee and Julie. I believe he still has an ally in Austin, but his best shot to the end and the win is with Jake and Katurah. I don’t think that the jury respects him at all and he has proven to be an inadequate strategist. Like last episode, after finding out the plan was leaked to Julie, why did they keep the vote on Julie? Especially when he wanted to keep Emily in the game? I don’t think he’s played that well and the jury is likely to see he’s more talk than walk. (And, his personal backstory was cut. Sorry!)

[flavorcountry]

So last week I lost my mind and wrote the above post. I regret nothing.

One aspect of it that I hadn't fully worked out was the Special Two-Day LARP that takes place at the Star Trek hotel maybe once or twice a month, tops, and is meant to be (in theory anyway) the kind of multiplayer experience that the Star Wars hotel was shooting for but failed to actually deliver. I freely admit to still not having figured out the entire thing — I am, despite all evidence to the contrary, not a professional RPG or LARP designer — but I have figured out …………. some scattered bits of it. So I'm going to give you my current best guess as to what I think will go on inside this thing that I'm making up myself from scratch and will never actually happen: the essence of the creative experience.

Lower Decks! Lower Decks!

When you book your ticket for the Special Two-Day LARP, you'll get an email directing you to a form you need to fill out with your division preference (ranked choice) and clothing sizes. This is because when you arrive at the hotel — excuse me, when you board the ship — you'll be directed to your quarters, where there's a Starfleet uniform in your size and hopefully your chosen color waiting for you. And you get to take it home afterward.

You are part of the crew, but you're lower decks. You're an ensign at best. And your job for the next two days, along with everyone else who's staying onboard, will be to help keep the ship running (maintenance! scans! crawling through Jefferies tubes! your uniform division color will determine the sorts of tasks you get) and occasionally contributing to the active mission the ship is on — the story, as it were. You'll get an app on your phone that can either be a padd or a tricorder; in padd mode, it pings you with messages from your superior officers that contain tasks to complete, and also has a map of the ship. I've decided that the crew quarters/shipboard guest accommodations will also have small sets interspersed between rooms: science lab, sensor cluster, etc, where tasks can be done and small scenes staged if need be.

So yes: you'll be getting tasks to complete while you're aboard — you're part of the crew after all!!!!! — but we're not going to pack the schedule; you'll have plenty of downtime. You and all your fellow guests have been split into shifts — Alpha, Beta, Gamma (there is no Delta Shift) — each with its own complement of red, gold, and blueshirts. As a player, you might be assigned into temporary work crews comprising other shiftmates from different divisions who get especially complex stuff done as a group and then disband. "Report to Stellar Cartography and run scans on systems in the following sectors in the following wavelengths" (guess we gotta build Stellar Cartography; that's going to be a two-story set), "Get to Jefferies tube 47A and recalibrate the EPS grid manifolds," "Go to the bridge and monitor Science Station 2 for anomalous signals; log any fluxes you see," "Activate your tricorders and search the ship for inverted tetryon signatures, then report to Lt Snorflin at Tactical." You might only contribute part of a task, so the rest is left to other shiftmates or other shifts. This shit is going to be complex. We're talking escape room-tier minimum. You're going to need help. You might even have to go down to main engineering and sign out a toolkit!! (Something that's occurring to me that I enjoy is that the hotel staff will need to reset the puzzles after they've been solved, so the next work crew can do them when they're assigned, but since the hotel staff are also in uniform, nothing will look unusual to the casual observer. Ha!)

Yes there will be a big overall story that you'll be a part of simply by existing on the ship. But you'll only see glimpses of it: lower decks, remember? There are trained hotel staff character actors playing the command-level staff — the bridge crew — who run scenes, but will you see every single one of them? Likely not!! But you might be in the room somewhere for one or two important moments — and so will everybody else. You might see something happen on the bridge while you're scanning debris. Someone else might see an interesting little scene down in main engineering. There will be nudges, probably in the padd app or verbally from staff, that uhh you know, maybe go down to Ten-Forward and see what the rest of your shipmates have seen? The bartender in the big hat might say "Well, those folks over there look like they just got off duty, they might have something interesting to talk about." Trade some gossip with your crewmates? Piece together the story that way? Is that a thing that could work? You can tell I've never done this before but I'm having fun cooking here!

Repel boarders

The thing is that at some point during the ship's mission, shit is going to go entertainingly sideways and your ship WILL be boarded. But it's okay! You were trained for this! Literally: it was on your schedule of activities. Early on day 1, your padd app told you to report to Cargo Bay 2, where one of the security officers gave you the rundown on how to handle this exact scenario: "In the event the ship gets boarded, you'll go to your arranged muster point, where you'll be issued a phaser like this and one of these armored vests, etc," and you proceeded to practice shooting each other, taking hits, falling dramatically unconscious, getting revived (see below). Essentially, you and your fellow players are playing PHASER TAG against a team of actors, also in vests (and maybe Jem'Hadar masks or whatever the setting demands). Your phasers make noises, your vests vibrate when you get hit, and there'll be tech onboard that tracks the hits you take, essentially tallying hit points:* if you get hit too many times, your vest vibrates for a long time, your phaser stops working, and you have to sit down (bonus points for enacting as dramatic a stunning as possible, maybe). Lucky for you, other players who maybe don't feel like engaging in battle can be handed blue doctor coats and hyposprays that will "reactivate" you and your equipment, and you can keep going! In general, I want to say players in red will get a type II hand phaser, players in blue will default to medical personnel but can certainly be issued phasers if they're in the mood, and players in gold will be given phaser rifles, which take more hit points away from the enemy actors.

Battle will take place mostly in the ship corridors and sets, obviously, and I've just now realized there needs to be a Sickbay set. It's a good thing I have infinite money in fantasyland! I've also realized something about how to keep the battles going in an interesting way, because I don't think I can have an infinite number of enemies. But! Downed enemy actors can be dragged away by a teammate out of sight, and then reenter the battle somewhere else through an employees-only maintenance door or something — "Didn't we just clear out Science Lab 2?" "They just keep beaming in more guys!"

This is the part where I want to say "the outcome of the overall battle will affect the storyline" but really, it shouldn't. There's only two possible outcomes! The ship gets taken over (bummer), or the crew successfully manages to fight off the intruders (rad) — of course we're going to take the second option!!! I think how well the battle goes may have some effects: how about a ceremony at the end of the stay where players can get medals for various kinds of heroics? There's probably other stuff we could do, too, I just haven't thought of it yet. I'm only one man!!

Anyway, that's what I've got for the Big Fancy LARP. Details will have to be left to the actual writers and actors who'll be hired once this all gets built (in my mind, in fantasyland), but one thing I like is that to my eye, the Big Fancy LARP is infinitely remixable with the appropriate amount of prep time. For three months it's some kind of Neutral Zone drama with the Romulans, then next season the ship is transporting a dangerous prisoner who's wanted by Orion security, then in the fall it's Those Damn Cardassians Again. Come back in winter for Borg Fest! All we need is the world's biggest budget for actors, costumes, and tech support. That's doable, right??

A brief word on RP safety and game-breaking

Something that occurred to me while I was watching another Jenny Nicholson video** is that the Star Trek setting also has the potential to incorporate an intrinsic (though by no means unbreakable) protection against weirdos being weird, which to my mind seems to come in two flavors:

👀 Players developing parasocial relationships with actors and following them around trying to monopolize their time/attention 🤏 Players getting Inappropriate with actors

First of all, of course my Star Trek hotel has an entire little handbook on LARP safety that all incoming guests have to sign, plus a brief in-person training (that can totally be done in-world) once they get there. But! Also! The fact that all players are also low-ranking Starfleet personnel onboard a Federation starship means that within the confines of the setting, they have to follow orders. If you keep following the ship's XO around and she needs to get rid of you for story purposes or just so she can have a break, she can just tell you "Dismissed" to your face and you have to leave. Starfleet officers do this all the time!! Try to smack her ass and you will meet the ship's Security Staff For Real, and you will not like it. I don't have any more to say on that, I just think it's a neat little confluence of player/actor/setting requirements.

I think I'm done for real this time

That's pretty much it for the Star Trek hotel idea; I probably said this last time, but this is truly a shocking amount of thought to devote to something that has a zero percent chance of ever existing. Did I at least manage to bring it to life in your mind? Someone let Jenny Nicholson know what her work has wrought, and in the meantime, thank you for holding onto this idea for me; I'll see you at the Klingon grill in all our dreams.

* Years ago I played laser tag at a place like this down in Fresno that was next-fucking-level; unfortunately they closed, but the gameplay/tech was capable of all this, and it was truly excellent. So I know it's possible!!

** The Evermore one, specifically; I consider watching close to eight hours of this person making good point after good point to be essentially a masterclass bootcamp in mass-marketed LARP design

I got a cold and watched that Jenny Nicholson video about the Star Wars hotel (it's very good) and fully lost my mind: even after experiencing a comprehensive four-hour deconstruction of why it didn't work for Star Wars, I still think a version of this would absolutely work for Star Trek. Take my hand and walk with me on my journey into madness, where I have infinite money, talent, and team to make it all happen!!

Overall vibe

If you want to make a hotel/resort experience that takes place inside a fake spaceship, I still think Star Trek is the way to go: so much of Star Trek takes place on ships, and we've seen the rooms are pretty nice!! Like the Star Wars one, my Star Trek hotel is also a simulated starship, but with better rooms and more fun stuff to do.

Are you ready for this shit

Can you tell I drew this myself

You'll arrive at Farpoint Station,* where the concierge checks you in and your luggage gets whisked away by station staff. Gift shop's also here. When you're checked in and ready to head to your room, you're brought to one of several transporter rooms. If you never went to the Star Trek Experience at the Vegas Hilton when it was active, I am truly sorry for you, because they had a ride whose boarding process included getting beamed away: you and your pals were herded into a zone where you were clearly meant to board a run-of-the-mill 20th-century simulator ride, and then there were jets of mist and a sound and suddenly you were in a transporter room on board the goddamn USS Enterprise NCC-1701-D. It was fucking magical and I never, ever want it explained to me. Anyway, that's what happens to you at my Star Trek hotel: you step onto a transporter pad and get beamed from Farpoint to a Galaxy-class Federation starship. Exit the transporter room and walk down the ship's corridor to take the turbolifts to Cargo Bay 1, where a "temporary muster point" has been set up (this is where the guest services desks will be), or just follow the lit-up companel signs to your cabin. Yes, it will look like guest quarters aboard the Enterprise-D, more or less — maybe a little smaller — but it'll have the carpet, the plant, the glass coffee table, and most importantly a window that looks out into space.

Or!!! If you booked the resort, keep heading down the hallway and take another turbolift to a different section of the ship where the holodeck entrances are. The holodecks, naturally, are running a Risa program, so you walk through the doors and under the arch and suddenly you're outdoors looking at a beautiful landscape with a pool and whatnot, plus the resort accommodations where the more conventional fancy rooms are, and also the restaurants and entertainment venues, all themed. There's a Quark's. There's a Klingon bar and grill. A Bolian salon/spa. Talaxian arcade?? Nausicaan axe-throwing pit?!?! Come on!!!!!!!!!

Here, have a floor plan

Key learnings

Two things stuck out to me that the Star Wars hotel fucked up that I think the Star Trek version can do better:

🤷‍♀️ LARP too complicated: Give 'em credit where it's due, the Star Wars hotel fucking swung for the fences trying to make a multi-hero story guests could integrate with, but it just didn't work. Technical failures! Possible conceptual flaws! Too much stuff packed into the schedule!

The fix: Just make it mostly a hotel most of the time. One or two weekends a month, there's a two-day fully-immersive LARP adventure that people explicitly book separately, and it's more expensive (more on that later). But at all times, hotel staff will be in uniform with division colors that make sense: concierge and guest relations in red, support and janitorial in gold, teal for any medical personnel. I think that means the people working in food services have to wear that plaid/vest combo the Ten-Forward staff have on, but there are certainly worse outfits.

🌴 No resort: The food at the Star Wars hotel was good, but there was no pool and no other luxury resort type stuff to do. It didn't sound relaxing.

The fix: Putting an actual resort in the Star Trek hotel under the guise of a permanently-running Risan holodeck program. The sheer elegance of it!! When the weather is bad, hotel staff in gold uniforms can make apologetic comments about how the sim's malfunctioning.

Roleplay though

People are going to want to stay onboard the ship. That's good! The thing about the ship cabins is you can build them in maybe two semicircular layers (the rooms will need to be curved because these are quarters onboard the saucer section, naturally) and just bury them underground. They don't need real windows — you're putting screens in that'll show a space view, especially when the ship goes to warp and you can see those rainbow trails. Inside the semicircle there's a lot of space where you can put the other, bigger sets: the bridge, main engineering, Ten-Forward, etc. None of those have real windows either, and also I don't think it matters where you put them physically: just stick a pretend turbolift in front of all the entrances and make guests take those whenever they need to go there! One thing we're also doing is putting little hidden speakers everywhere that put out a small amount of shipboard white noise; it may not even be noticeable on a conscious level, but it'll be there and it'll be soothing. This speaker network is also a great way to make an actual announcement if there's a real park emergency.

During most of the month, I think the bridge and main engineering are mostly just photo ops — maybe you have to book a timeslot? Just so you're guaranteed some time with just you and your buddies? But I also think there should be opportunities for what I'm going to call mini-LARPing: you and your pals can book an hour-long session and the staff trains and then runs you through a short scenario. If you've ever played Artemis or the actual Star Trek VR bridge crew game they put out a while ago, you know where I'm going with this: for however long, you and your friends are now the crew of a genuine-ass Federation starship trying to survive a battle! It's fuckin' Kobayashi Maru time, motherfuckers!! Everyone gets their own station! Lights flicker! Mist shoots out of stuff! The whole bridge shakes! There might be a warp core problem — better call down to main engineering! Whoever's down there gets escape room-style minigames and puzzles to work out and help their shipmates. At some point — and this will happen in every run of every scenario — there'll be a very mist-forward "coolant leak" near the warp core that forces whoever's in the room to duck and roll beneath a descending garage-style blast door before heading up to the bridge to activate their station up there; bonus points if the player can work in a "We lost a lot of good people down there, Captain." Maybe there's an actor in makeup who menaces the crew on the main viewer from time to time (pick beforehand from a list of villains! want to fight Klingons? Romulans? a rogue Borg tactical sphere? etc). Can you see it? I can see it, and it fucking rules.

I must at this point mention that in my world, you can buy an add-on where a camera crew joins you, and they cut up the footage afterward to make you and your pals your very own mini-episode. Yes the editing and post-production are expensive and time-consuming; I'm creating jobs here!!!! Maybe …… okay, hear me out: there's an array of hidden fixed cameras and microphones built discreetly into the set, and also players are issued a combadge with an individual RFID tracker that pings the cams and mics, so they only save footage when a player comes close. After the players are done, a machine algorithm uses the data gathered to assemble a rough timeline of each player's material and create a draft movie that a human editor can pick up and fine-tune. Yeah?? When you check out, you get handed a USB drive that looks like an isolinear chip with your mini movie on it, and maybe another one with all the raw footage just in case you're feeling ambitious!!!!

For one or two other weekends during every month, there's a heavily advertised, much more involved, and way spendier LARP for people who really want to get into it. It takes place over two days. There are lots more actors portraying characters necessary for the plot/gameplay. Don't bother packing for the daytime: all players are issued a uniform they get to keep afterward. Do I have any details on the scenario or RP? I do not. But I fully believe it's possible to construct something you could run over the course of a weekend that would keep a hundred paying guests occupied, amused, and delighted, provided you have a truly ridiculous amount of money and people, which I do because this is utter fantasyland.

Also it probably won't cost six grand. Probably??

Let's gooooooooooooo

The rest of the time — and I cannot stress this enough — the Star Trek hotel is just a very heavily and specifically themed all-inclusive resort that has nice, fancy rooms and luxury amenities plus bookable ship cabins and opportunities for photo shoots or quick one-shot roleplay adventures for the real heads. You don't ever have to enter those latter parts if you don't want to! You can just hang out at the resort and have fun with all the themed entertainment, which I must stress is going to be both in-universe plausible and great, with something for everybody. Yes, there'll be a daycare, and yes, Flotter will be there in some capacity to entertain the kids. The food hall is my favorite part by far; I could pitch you Trek restaurant concepts all day. Romulan gourmet soup stand. Gummi candy store staffed by Ferengi where all the offerings are shaped like alien bugs. A vending machine where you can get a jumja stick or a three-pack of those nutrient pucks Picard and his new friends kept getting in "Allegiance." There will be an entire plant-based food vendor with a wide variety of delicious options for all meals, and it will be run by Vulcans.

A word on the gift shop

Question for you: have you ever watched a Star Trek show and seen a Starfleet officer pull on a jacket or shoulder a duffel bag that had the words "STAR TREK" on it? If so, then friend, I want to know where you get your hallucinogens because I want to experience this exactly once. All of the gift shops on my hotel grounds sell responsibly sourced, highly thought-out, well-made items that would be in-world plausible and have no obvious branding. Of course you can get a hand-carved horga'hn, but let's go bigger. Why not a light-up Tox Uthat for your nightstand? Ressikan flute for you, queen? How about a whole-ass knife store that's nothing but various kinds of Klingon cutlery? There will absolutely be an entire tailor's shop whose whole job is to put you in the Starfleet uniform of your choice; there may or may not be a Cardassian managing the place who's got a 50/50 cheerful/menacing vibe going on. There'll be not one but two stores that sell little models of ships: the regular ones and the gold ones. Don't tell me you can't picture it!!!!!

I think that's about it

Thank you for coming along with me on this bespoke journey into 100% insanity; now can somebody put me in touch with the Star Trek licensing people and also give me a billion dollars to build all this? Okay, thanks a lot!!

For timeline purposes and because it's fun, I'm positing a version of Farpoint that got built after the events of the TNG premiere where the Denebians got their act together and just built a normal surface base without suborning an interstellar lifeform.

[thedeependofalittleocean]

My Top 10 Albums of the Year (So Far)

We're over halfway through the year, and an insane amount of good music has come out so far. For the last year or so, I've started each day by listening to a new album, so I'd like to think I've listened to a good chunk of new things. Of course, no one asked me, but if you haven't heard of any of these artists, maybe this post will put them on your radar (although a number are from artists you've absolutely heard of).

Also, huge disclaimer, this list is absolutely not exhaustive and is greatly skewed by my personal taste in music. I mostly listen to pop/alternative/rock music, so that's what will be most represented on the list! Anyway, in no particular order, here are my favorite 10 albums of the year so far.

We're kicking it off with a stellar debut album from the London-based band, The Last Dinner Party. I remember hearing the first single from this album, and the band's debut single, Nothing Matters, and being absolutely swept away. I was shocked to find this song came from such a young band, and praying the following album would live up to the song. This sparkling baroque pop album does that and more. It's absolutely as grand and beautiful as promised.

I Got Heaven is raw, messy, and bursting with energy. Philadelphia rock band Mannequin Pussy doesn't waste a single second of this album's short run time. It's a burst of adrenaline and speaks to some of the most visceral emotions I've been feeling this year. Not to mention, I Got Heaven and Loud Bark are two of the strongest album openers of the year.

Okay, I'm sure you've heard of Beyoncé, and you've probably even listened to this album. Really, there's nothing I could say about this amazing piece of work that hasn't been said. If, for some reason, you've been hesitant to give Cowboy Carter a try, let me assure you, it's absolutely worth your time. With every album, Beyoncé continues to prove she's in her prime, and she has a lot more to say.

Rachel Chinouriri wasn't on my radar before the beginning of this year, but I'll be a fan for a long time to come after this debut album. If you love devastating songs that you can't help but dance along to, What A Devastating Turn of Events is for you. This Brit-pop album has incredible hooks, clever lyricism, and great variety. Rachel Chinouriri is a star, and she'll be opening for Sabrina Carpenter next year. I have no doubt she'll be blowing up, so jump on board now.

I have to admit, this is where my biases really stand out, but I truly believe Twenty One Pilots hit it out of the park with this one. I wasn't a fan of their last album, Scaled and Icy, but I was pleasantly surprised by the singles from this era. Clancy truly feels like a culmination of a lot of the band's work so far. The album has several standout moments that took my breath away. Not to mention, Midwest Indigo is one of my favorite songs of this year.

Big Ideas is Remi Wolf's second album, where she sharpens her songwriting abilities while still treading new ground. I loved Wolf's debut album, but Big Ideas feels so much more refined, while still keeping Wolf's humor and eclectic style intact. This album has only been out for a week, but it proves that Wolf is one of the brightest and most unique stars in pop.

What can I say, Clairo never disappoints! Charm is such a wonderful breath of fresh air this year. Its soft but catchy melodies and jazz-pop instrumentals are incredibly soothing. Of course, Clairo's lyricism is strong and intimate, pulling her listeners in closer than ever before.

If you see a "Top Albums of the Year" list that doesn't include BRAT, you should probably stop reading. Okay, maybe that's dramatic, but it's hard to talk about music this year without talking about the phenomenon that is BRAT. Charli is so raw and honest on this album while crafting some of the most delicious beats I've ever heard. You'll dance, you'll laugh, and if you have a heart you'll cry during So I.

HIT ME HARD AND SOFT is another album that simply doesn't waste any time. It's Eilish's most polished album to date. Like other albums on this list, it's raw lyricism stands out. I'm not sure what it is about this year, but it feels like pop stars are really interested in being the most honest version of themselves in their art. I love to hear the vulnerability on this album, and the songs are incredibly well crafted.

Last, but certainly not least, Only God Was Above Us was one of my most anticipated albums of the year, and it paid off, to say the least. It's been said before, but this really is the most Vampire Weekend the band has ever felt. It's full to the brim with references to the band's works, but it's also fresh and new. The band is looking backward while still walking forward, and that's not an easy feat. Even if you've never liked Vampire Weekend before, you should give this album a shot.

[pick-em-pool]

WEEK 4

HELLO again my football fanatics, and welcome back to WEEK FOUR of the pick-em pool competition 🏈🏉 Where 11 contestants battle 🤺 for cash prizes 💲💲💲 It's been an exciting week so far with some bright spots and surprise flops 🥴 Let's get into it!

LISA - 15 POINTS

Ladies and gentlemen, she is 5-Feet-Negative-1-Inches of pure football expertise 🧠 and she has scored FIFTEEN points to rebound back to her original lead 🏆 can the rest of the field catch her before the end of the season? It will be tough - those short little leprechauns are shifty and can fit into small hiding spots 🍀 Peyton hasn't been under 5 feet since he was 2 1/2 months old 👶

VAL - 13 POINTS

Not to be outdone, Val consolidates her grip on second place with a stellar 13 point week ✊✊✊ She's trying to keep her opponents' window of opportunity smaller than the amount of closet space she gives Peyton ✊ I guess you need all that clothing when you're a human water park 💦💧💧 It is said that Val once even sweat through a backpack 🤷‍♂️

JULIETTE - 13 POINTS

Taylor Swift shows up to one football game and all of the sudden Juliette's calling winners like Josh Allen calls audibles ▶▶▶ (Juliette for reference just think of him as "Halie Steinfeld's boyfriend" 🎶) If I spent all this time doing research just to be beaten by a squishmallow that would certainly be a "Cruel Summer" 🎤

GABBY - 13 POINTS

Even though she crushed it this week and remains in 3rd place, our defending champion 🏆🏆🏆 is REALLY a baseball fan now that the Phillies are in the playoffs ⚾🧢 Before their game last night she said, and I quote, "I had to look up the roster because baseball players are hot" 🔥 - I certainly chose the wrong sport. Peyton - can I borrow some of your old baseball pants? 🤔

This is an actual photo of me wearing Peyton's pants:

PEYTON - 12 POINTS

Our new Pittsburgher is also our top-scoring man of the week once again 👨 keeping the honor alive for football men everywhere 🎖 Now that the ladies have been dominating the top 3, will Peyton be the first guy to challenge them?! 🥊 Help us Peyton-Wan-Kenobi, you're our only hope! 🌑🚀

JJ - 12 POINTS

A solid 12 points keeps our resident hockey star right in the thick of it 🥇🥈🥉 Although I have to admit I'm not really sure I want him to win it all this year 😲 After seeing him getting ready for the Pink concert, I think we ALL need to avoid any celebration dances from JJ 🕺🕺🕺

JANIE - 12 POINTS

A much-improved 12 point week is enough to keep Janie out of last place, though she's not far from it 😱 We'll have to keep a watch out to see how she performs this Sunday 👓 I have a feeling if she stays stuck in seventh place we'll all get to learn some new French swear words!

ABBY - 11 POINTS

A so-so week for Abby with 11 points 😐 but still enough to hang on to THIRD place for the time being 3️⃣ Abby has been on top of her football picks this season, as I have threatened her with a lecture on space from JP for every time she is late ⌚ we all may love football (and money) here, but NO ONE loves anything as much as JP loves space 🌌🌌🌌

RUSTY - 7 POINTS

My mother always told me that if I didn't have anything nice to say then I should just be quiet 🤐 She also told me that bacon is terrible for you and I shouldn't eat it. What do these two sayings have in common? They are both true, and I don't do either of them. RUSTY YOU STINK 🤢🤢🤢

Another great week everyone 😁 and despite some early leaders NO ONE is out of the running for that cash PRIZE 💹💹💹 So keep on that grind and keep the money on your mind! SEE YOU NEXT WEEK

[amylynns-world]

Rubbed Raw and Reeling

It was the last day of summer camp. Time to celebrate. It was a lame afternoon dance, but magic was in the air. The dorks were getting crunk and the rest of us were getting drunk. And for the first time since I got my braces off, I didn't feel invisible. {C}There it was. The signal. I was hoping he'd do something more inspired like sniff his armpits but Matty had a habit of doing that. A lot. Attention to personal hygiene was just one of Matty's many stellar attributes. He was perfection. Unlike me. I was a hot mess of nerves cause Matty McKibben wanted me, a nobody, to meet him in the utility closet.

It wasn't the inciting incident of some sappy teen special about how I got knocked up on the last day of summer camp. I knew better than to bareback. Our passionate bumping of uglies was a sign. This year would be my year. For once I wouldn't be overlooked. Not with Matty at my...back door. Oh yeah, he let it slip. Not fun.

Change was in the air. I could smell it. There was change and pine-scented cleanser. My lady business was on fire, but somehow admitting my virgin status seemed like a buzzkill. I didn't wanna ruin the moment.

With my d-card safely tucked away in his back pocket, I was sure this was the beginning of something. I couldn't help myself. Matty had cracked my hard candy shell and I was oozing with sticky sweet love. So, I asked him if he wanted to go to sophomore orientation together. To which he responded "You're the "sh*t." So he wasn't a poet. He was still Matty McKibben... and then he hit me with... "but nobody can know that I like you." So....I was still Jenna Hamilton.

When I got home I was looking for a little TLC. My mother always knew when something was wrong...and promptly avoided the conversation. Instead of reading my the face-mail that was obvi in need of being addressed and comforting me- she handed my laundry and a letter. Turned out it was a letter that hurt even more than Matty's blow-off.

"Jenna, as you are now, you could disappear and no one would notice. Below is a list of suggestions you should take into serious consideration. A Friend. Number one: stop being such a pussy."

Whoever wrote the letter didn't pull any punches. It was the truth and the truth hurt.

Sometimes being a teenager makes you want to die.

[[Link title''Italic text]]=== That Girl === When I was initially charting my course to visibility, I really should have defined the kind of visibility I wanted. For two weeks I tried to explain that my accident was just that. An accident. The more I denied it, the more everyone assumed I was in denial. It was a vicious circle. {C}The one person who was noticeably absent from gossiping about my life was Matty McKibben. But I finally had contact with him. It was the first time we had seen each other since my deflowering...and I'd almost forgotten how jacked I looked. He asked if I was okay. It was a complicated question. Even if he hadn't been pulled away by his posse, there probably wasn't time for me to explain everything I was feeling.

But luckily for me, apparently I was gonna have a lot of time to talk about my feelings with my new guidance counselor. Color me excited. We apparently are set to have weekly meetings. And she's "special." She spit my breath mints back in their container and then tried on my lipgloss. Valerie needs her own counselor. She asked me if I had any questions for her. I had about a thousand, but not one of them seemed appropriate. I could only hope that someone would let me off for good behavior really soon so I wouldn't have to spend the entire year dealing with her special brand of insanity.

And then there was Sadie, who I guess was disappointed that I wasn't dead. I never appreciated Sadie's bitchiness, but I understood it. She was hungry.

And she was gonna be in my line of sight for all of lunch because she was in the pep rally. With Matty. All over Matty. But, I was fine. Okay, that's was a lie. I wasn't. Despite all my external wounds, my heart was probably gonna take the longest to heal. And I was tired of the pain. So, rather than wait it out, I had the brilliant idea to jumpstart the healing process. I volunteered for the pep rally. I mean, I totally knew what I was doing. Confession: I had no idea what I was doing. But I couldn't look back. At all. But i can always talk to my best friend. Mia♥

Yet somehow...having people pay even more attention to me was the best stupid idea I ever had. I got in a guy's pants and came out a winner. And more importantly, people saw me as someone other than a total freak.

Except for Sadie, of course. I tried to be nice to her after she lost. She responded in the typical Sadie way: by being an ass. It's true when they say no good deed goes unpunished. But I wasn't gonna let get to me. Things were looking up. Besides my arm.

Being "That Girl" was my new identity. But I won't let it define me. I will define it.

[3rdbogwitch2theleft]

Watching The Rings of Power So You Don’t Have To - Episode 5

Welcome back to another episode of “Watching The Rings of Power So You Don’t Have To” where I sit through 8 hours of television to answer the question nobody asked “Is this show fun if you know who Sauron is the whole time?” 

This has been sitting in my drafts folder for weeks and tbh I was just going to stop posting these. BUT THEN one of my beloved friends found the Episode 4 post funny so guess who is back babyyy!

Changing up the format a bit. Here’s the 5 powers at play in episode 5

1. The power of a stellar performance.

Megan Richards is absolutely holding it down as Poppy Proudfellow in the Amnesia Gandalf & The Hobbits storyline. She anchors the storyline and she’s just an absolute joy to watch. 

2. The power of character development

It sure is hard to care about the Southlanders when the show didn’t establish that any of them except Bronwyn are cool people. It seems like the narrative hates them? I want to like them I want to care that they’re going to get murdered by orcs but the show is either totally ambivalent to them or actively makes the argument that they suck. The only characters we know are 

a) Bronwyn (who I genuinely like)

b) her troubled teen Theo (who I also like)

c) Theo’s horrible fellow delinquent friend

and d) Waldreg, an old man who answers the question “What is the Middle Earth equivalent of a senior citizen who loves Fox News?” 

Who are the rest of these people?? 

I desperately want to care and you won’t let me! 

There’s also a “we’re doomed by the actions of our ancestors” trope happening here that smacks a little too strongly of Original Sin for my taste. I know I know I know our boy JRR was devout Catholic so I can’t be surprised when I run head first into some dogma. I know but still

3. The power of language 

The thing about using flowery poetic language instead of direct and immediate language for high stakes interaction is that the poetry has to be good. If the language is beautiful (and so much the better if there is emotion and urgency in the performance) we’ll listen to entire sonnets when a sentence or two would suffice. How the fuck else do you explain the lasting success of Hamlet? I love the prince of Denmark, but that bitch is loquacious.  

However, if your language is mediocre you are sucking all of the life out of your scenes. ELVES I’m talking about the FUCKING ELVES. 

4. The power of unresolved sexual tension

This is the engine that powers the whole show. 🚂 Choo Choo! 🚂

I really like the forge confrontation scene they have in this episode. I think it’s genuinely interesting from a character perspective. It’s certainly one of the places the show feels the most thematically consistent, the “sometimes you have to touch the darkness to know which lights to follow” of it all. 

There is a lot I like about it so I’ll just share one thing to keep it brief. 

Galadriel gets to be a little unhinged which I’m all about. Halbrand/Sauron pushes her to admit why she can’t stop “fighting” aka hunting him (very fun)

Galadriel *thousands of years of bloodlust in her eyes*: 

Because I cannot stop! 

Halbrand/Sauron:

This scene sets them up as really kindred spirits in a lot of ways and makes the little knife twist of the tragedy that much sweeter. Sauron knows she’s going to reject him when she finds out. He says as much. But they just cannot stay away from each other. Even though one of them knows how it’s going to end and one of them refuses to see those red flags as anything but pretty crimson curtains.

5. The power of good combat

Galadriel has a scene where she’s dual wielding and training the Numenorian new recruits. It’s delightful.  

Every time I’m like “you know I think I’m done” they throw in some totally sick choreography and I’m back in at least for the moment. 

I wish there was more. 

So. Is this show fun if you know who Sauron is the whole time?

My brother in Eru, I could not have gotten through this show any other way. 

[bengiyo]

Twilight Out of Focus

In a truly stellar week of airing JQL and other premieres, this show continues to stand above with its elegance and nuance in handling its queer themes. Mao has been avoiding Hisashi since he recognized that he liked him. Hisashi sought out Mao's presence to recharge after running out of social energy from getting introduced to the entire film club. Hisashi's boyfriend struck him during their breakup, leading Mao to confess his feelings suddenly while putting ice on the wound. We then learned about Hisashi's troubled home love and sexual history, as well as his own budding feelings for Mao. Unfortunately, Mao panicked and fled from their first kiss. It's causing problems on the set of their short film, but Mao has agreed to talk about what happened once they're done the five-day shoot.

I cannot overstate how much a relief it is to have a show not build its drama around the guys refusing to admit their feelings to each other. I sat up so quickly when Mao blurted out his feelings, because now we're in the much more awkward territory of dealing with two guys sharing the same room that know they like each other. I compared this feeling to season 2 of The Good Place, and I haven't been this intrigued by a roommate romance since Ginn Hale's The Lord of the White Hell. It's so compelling to see a show deal with a budding gay romance where one of them is closeted alongside the filming of a BL.

The last three weeks of JQL have been some of the best we've ever had.

Japanese QL Corner

Another fantastic week to be a JQL fan. The first three of these are on Gaga, and I highly recommend jumping into the weekly watch!

Takara's Treasure

This show is exactly the low stress vibe I need for a Sunday evening. My child Taishin continues to be cute as a button, and Takara is clearly charmed, if still a bit wary. I was very into all the cute content this episode with the marbles and the glass earrings. Honestly, this show doesn't inspire much deep thought because it's just so straightforward and pleasant, and I am digging that.

I Hear the Sunspot

After getting Kohei’s backstory last week, this week we got to see a bit more of what makes Taichi tick and remember that below his sunshine exterior is a deeper well of feelings, and not all of them happy. This is the guy who opened the show by punching someone, and today we learned one source of his inner turmoil: parental rejection. My favorite scene in the episode was the one where he confessed this wound to an unwitting Kohei, who, when he realized Taichi was saying things to him he couldn’t hear, demanded Taichi keep his commitment to always communicate with him clearly. I loved this bit of nuance and how it tied back to Taichi's lecture of the girl earlier, because even though there was clearly no malicious intent here, Taichi knew Kohei couldn’t hear him and tried to take advantage of that to avoid vulnerability. He’s not perfect, and I loved that Kohei felt safe to call him on that. A fantastic scene and I am loving this.

Ayaka is in Love with Hiroko

The hilarity continues as Hiroko bends herself into pretzels to find ways to interpret Ayaka's love confessions as anything other than what they clearly are. Ayaka continues to escalate with some help from Kumi and her otome gaming tips, but Hiroko latches onto her friendly relationship with Yuya to continue believing she's straight. Speaking of, I love that Yuya is just a good coworker with no ulterior motives. A lot of dramas would make him a rival or a villain, but here he is a decent guy, and I appreciate it and the way he and Risa are clearly picking up on Ayaka's feelings and keeping it to themselves. Highlights of this ep include the escalating group massage and Ayaka's chaotic attempts to cook for her beloved, and I am dying to know what misunderstanding in the past damaged Hiroko so much. I just love every character in this story and I'm having a great time.

Bonus: Zettai BL 3

The Bs are back to L again, and it is every bit as fun as I expected. Mobu continues to be a treasure and a delight, and at this point, methinks the lady doth protest too much about not wanting his own love story. I was delighted with the way his story went after last season's cliffhanger, and also pretty excited to see this show kick up the heat levels on all the background mini bls. There were so many highlights of this new season that I don't want to list in detail because I just want you to go watch. It's an incredibly pleasant way to spend a couple hours! Major shoutout to @ikeoji-subs for creating English subs so all of us international fans could watch and enjoy; the last of the episodes was posted last night, so go ahead and dive in!

Tagging @bengiyo for anime update.