#I went on a rant because i fucking hate what ads have become and fuck capitalism monetizing every moment of our lives

[thestenchofcheeseandregrets]

I mean if you look at it from an entertainment perspective, they've also done a lot of damage. Take children's cartoons. Before, the government was like "You can't make a 30 min commercial to sell toys to kids. That's wrong." Then Reagan said, "Oh? 😏" and deregulated children's programming to be less educational and more capitalist but ONLY if they tag some slight informative thing at the end. Hence why cartoons like GI Joe had those tags at the end

And yeah, I get a lot of us grew up with those cash grab cartoons and loved them

but they were and still are just commercials to sell toys to kids

and also propoganda

But aside from creating cash grab content for kids. Advertising also has dictated what stays on air and what doesn't

In spite of being a fan favorite show, because toy sales were low it gets the axe

though they were luckily picked up by another company and were able to continue the series. But that company doesn't have a great track record of retaining content and that's a whole other post

To bring it back around, advertising has been turned from something that was necessary to fund content like newspapers, magazines, and tv shows to becoming essentially an invasive species

and as mentioned, is used as an excuse to invade everyone's privacy; listening in on conversations, monitoring browser histories. I had to download an mp3 player on my phone, remember when they were just default apps pre-installed? And the free mp3 players have ads. Like if I want to change songs, I get an ad

were does it end?

And don't get me started on billboards becoming digital

Also I've said this before but advertising is an industry that should be considered as pointless and harmful as fossil fuels.

[moldybonessmell]

// TUA season 4 SPOILERS

This season was absolutely horrendous, not gonna lie.

My scientific diagram regarding something that used to be my favorite show:

There's absolutely nothing I like about new season.

Now, more specifically, things I hate:

Klaus being traumatized for no reason and having no character development for 2 seasons straight (see rant).

Ben preaching eternal love and hooking up with a girl he met like a day ago while people around puke venom cum😃.

Right away, adding the "comedic gore" which is a sin for so many recent shows and TUA went the same annoying and overplayed route. Bloody scenes were cool when it was Five killing people with an iconic background music and stuff, but not the gore for the gore's sake.

By the way, music game is so weak this season, they literally took out the best part of the show that has become its trademark, what are creators doing???

Storyline with Diego thinking Lila is cheating and them being drowned in family life would have worked if it was in a different show, but it's TUA and it's boring as hell, sorry. (Maybe dont get like 3 kids if it's so difficult??? idk man)

Luther is stripper? Seriously? Completely unprovoked. Made for comedic sake once again, and I don't respect that. They didn't know what to do with his character and made him into comic relief, how unexpected /sarcasm.

Tension between Lila and Five, really? You took the best platonic dinamic, them actually being sibling-coded, and made it into romance? I have zero respect left. I do not care it was 6 years for them, I truly don't give a fuck. I cringed so hard. I just wanted to turn it off completely. Episode 5 is VILE, especially RIGHT AFTER Diego recognising family is more important than work. These scenes being one after other is diabolical. Also, Five hiding "the way home" for 5 months?? OOC as hell, if you ask me. You know what even more OOC and dumb? Five fighting Diego over Lila when The Cleanse is the bigger problem at the moment. (How did Five even end up on the floor, he's like the best killer in timeline??)

" - Why did I wait to take the shot.. - Maybe because you're a good man after all." No the fuck he's not. Reginald Hargreaves is not a good man. In neither timelines. The way the show tries to make him a gray character and make us like him is cringe as hell, just stop.

When I found out last season is only 6 episodes long I was upset, but at the time I finished episode 4 I just couldn't wait till the season is over.

(I had to finish it tho, for a slight possibility it's gonna get better and my rant posts to be relevant you know).

Honestly, I'm just glad it's over. The less seasons the less possibilities for the show to get even worse.

"I think we're alone now" as a closing song was a good choice tho.

Edit: I haven't checked the tags before posting and can't believe like 20 people have already used the horse meme before me guess we all thought the same bruh

[remylebeaugambit]

So, I decided to wait a little to think this show over. As a Gambit fan I’m still pretty much bitter about it all. However, as an X-Men fan, I can say I understand why people love the show. But I also believe there’s an exaggerated amount of praise due to the fact that we’ve been starving for good X-Men content. 

I was going to write a much angrier version of this text (I actually outlined an angry rant but there were too many fuck yous), however I’m trying to be reasonable here. The animation is mostly impeccable (don’t like the way the women are drawn, but that’s a minor complaint), it’s colorful and vivid and fluid. The action scenes are mostly awesome too. So, yeah, there’s a lot of good in it. Having said that, there’s tons of problems as well and the great majority of fans are willingly blind to them because of, you know, the good and the lack of content for years. 

I want to be bluntly honest and say I’m glad that the showrunner had been fired. I wholeheartedly don’t believe he is deserving of all the praise he’s been getting because my biggest issues with this show come from the writing. It’s amazing and exciting to see scenes from the comics being brought to life in beautiful animation? Yes, definitely. But it’s not enough when the writing is rushed and lacking.

First, I thought I was biased because I hated what they were doing to Gambit, but now I really, truly don’t think this show that amazing. The first half of the season was mostly decent, there were things I didn’t like but that wasn’t enough to called it bad. Episode 5 was when the show peaked (although to be fair Gambit wasn’t in it much, it was the way he went down that made it memorable) but after that it just went downhill.   

All the plot holes, the playing favorites, the inconsistencies, the rushing through storylines, the terrible pacing, the loose ends, the weak motivations, the terrible character development, the retcon to characters’ relationships (so Ororo and Jean are sisters now? Ororo was way closer to Rogue in the original cartoon, but, you know, Rogue had to be isolated for her disgusting retcon and inconsistencies of character and decisions to work out. Newsflash asshole: they didn’t. Rogue was character assassinated. And though I love her in the original show, I wouldn’t be this angry if it hadn’t directly affected Gambit the way it did), and, of course, all the foreshadowing of Gambit becoming Death left to be (hopefully) resolved in the second season. That means there was no payoff. I repeat: the show was mostly curveballs and no real payoff. With a cast that big, you don’t expect all the characters to have satisfying character arcs but in this case if you aren’t a Jean, Scott or Magneto fans you’re left hanging. 

Storm, who has been friends with Gambit, simply didn’t even mention his death. The excuse was that ended up on the cutting room floor, but don’t be fooled, there was enough time for Ororo to smile and hug Jean and later tell her platitudes (what a boring, cheesy speech!). There was also plenty of time for all those insufferable Magneto moments. “You killed more people than the Nazis? Awwww that’s fine, cause you’re family.” 😉 None of it was cut, right? That leads me to my biggest gripe with his show: fucking Magneto. I hate that took so much space and was unironically written as an old man who groomed a teenage girl (they can lie all they want and say she was an adult. She WASN’T. She was a teenager with serious emotional issues), manipulated her, gaslighted her, isolated her and told her pretty things to bang her. I guess that’s what’s called romance nowadays. I mean, the show runner didn’t even try to hide his fetiches for the old creep. All those plot contrivances and conveniences to accommodate someone’s wet dream. 

Ok, so, I don’t want to go ad hominem on the show runner here, but to be fair, he’s been dishonest with us fans this whole time, he’s lied straight-faced, said a lot of stuff that hasn’t panned out, given dubious answers, manipulative and evasive comments, asked for our trust, even though he’d been lying and giving us false hope (trust is earned, dude; I stopped trusting him after the first lie, if ever), and there are people, Gambit fans, still being hopeful and taking his words at face value. Fucking seriously? THAT dress was just another spit in our collective faces. Wake up!), also he’s self-indulgent, and pathetic in his comments about being the master of magnetism (ok, I lied. So what?).        

All in all, I don’t think that show is as good as so many people are making it out to be and I’m way too happy about the firing of the show runner. To him, I say, thank you for tainting the legacy of something dear and pure from my childhood. Good riddance, please, don’t ever come back, sink into oblivion and go fuck yourself (ok, I needed at least one fuck you, he’s had it coming). 

Ps. Romy fans, mark my words, the old creep will be making passes at Rogue and since she has no personality in this, we can expect the worse, like little Charles next season or anything else that is just as irreversible. I’m mean, an old man fucking a teenager is already irreversible to me. But that’s me. 

[achaotichuman]

Acotar Rant Time

The amount of shit Rhysand says about Tamlin that's just straight up not true is so annoying. The main reasons people hate Spring boy is just because of whatever Rhysand or Morrigan has conjured up to make the Night Court look better.

I'm fairly certain it was Morrigan who went on her little tangent about how Feyre would have been 'bred like a prized mare' at the Spring Court. When Tamlin literally mentioned in passing having a SINGLE son far into the future. At the tithe he told Feyre his son would continue on with the duties of High lord, then added, someday. SOMEDAY he didn't want a kid immediately, and I highly doubt Tamlin even wanted children for the sake of having children, it was a duty he would HAVE to fulfill, it wasn't optional, he needed an heir. I have my theories if Tamlin had a choice he wouldn't ever have children. Especially since it is mentioned oh so many times that he wanted to go off in a travelling act, I doubt he even wanted a relationship. I also find it so, so difficult to believe that Tamlin would have wanted more than one child because he grew up in a household with older siblings. He damn well knows the competition in a place like that. He carries the trauma of it everyday! He would never want to inflict that on his kid!

Then there's Rhysand. He was the one who carried on about how Tamlin should've tried to get Feyre out from Under the Mountain. He did! He sent her back to the human lands to get her away from Amarantha! It was Feyre's choice to go Under the Mountain. She could've stayed in the human lands and lived a rich, lavish life, and she chose to go after Tamlin. Not to mention, Amarantha had been waiting for Tamlin for fifty years, she wasn't about to give him any chance to run. Rhysand actually said to Feyre Under the Mountain that eyes and ears were on Tamlin at all times. If Tamlin tried to get her out from Under the Mountain, he would've failed and signed Feyre's death warrant. Not to mention human Feyre used to be badass as fuck and would've absolutely scoffed at Tamlin if he tried to get her out from the Under the Mountain, she loved him and the Spring Court. She wouldn't have left even if given the chance.

Then there's what Rhysand said about Tamlin locking Feyre up because 'he knew she was gem'. Now, what Tamlin did to Feyre was abusive. He did become abusive during that period of time towards her, none of what I'm about to state disagrees with that. However, if you're going to hate this man, hate him for legitimate reasons. Tamlin never locked her up 'because she was a gem he wanted to hoard'. That's a straight up lie. It is stated many, many times throughout Acomaf and Acowar that Tamlin locked Feyre up because in his mind that was the only way to prevent her from getting into danger. He had an actual concern, and that concern was valid, but he took it way, way, way too far. He never should've locked her in there. I'm glad that Feyre got away from that situation. But he never *wanted* to hurt her. Tamlin has never been a malicious man (cough unlike Rhysand cough) His abuse towards Feyre was terrible and she absolutely was right in getting out. But none of his abuse was ever designed to hurt her. When it comes to narcissists, or self-serving abusers, their abuse is carefully crafted, it is designed to hurt. Tamlin however never intended to hurt her. It wasn't crafted to break her. Tamlin's mental health is completely fucked, and I highly doubt he ever came out of fight or flight mode, if you've ever been stuck in fight or flight mode, you'd know it fucking sucks. Every single little thing becomes a massive threat. And in his fucked mind Tamlin was convinced the actions he was taking were the best course of action to protect her from harm, not to cause it. Obviously, this does not excuse his actions, but it does help to explain them, and knowing what drove you to do things is the first step in being able to take accountability and then work on it.

Not to mention, Tamlin has taken accountability, he knows he's fucked up. He helped bring Rhys back to life, told Feyre to be happy because he knew that couldn't happen if she was with him, then he fucked off back to the Spring Court.

And you know what really drives me up the fucking wall? When Feyre insisted she was stronger now and didn't need protection from the sentries and Tamlin responded with "my family were fae and they were killed quite easily." Like that is a valid fucking point! They were killed very easily! Tamlin would be extremely traumatized from that! He probably blames himself for not protecting his mother! The death of his family is most likely one of the core reasons for his extreme paranoia! Am I saying he was justified in his actions in protecting Feyre? No! What I am saying is that you cannot hate him because of his intentions! Hate him for his actions, fine! But never once throughout this entire goddamned series did he intentionally want to hurt Feyre!

Anyway, this post is quite long, sorry for that. In summary, hate Tamlin all you want, but at the very least hate him for the things he actually did. I'm probably missing a ton of other things Rhysand's straight up made up about Tamlin, but these are the main things I've found people hate him for. Tell me if I've missed anything.

[skaruresonic]

I can't take Lanolin or Surge seriously because their entire selling point as characters is to whine about things that no one else in the cast is bothered by. This still applies even when going off the comic alone and ignoring everything else.

You don't see Cream or Charmy yelling at Sonic to kill Eggman. Not even after the metal virus. And they're literally children.

Even when you're comparing them to other idw comic characters they still fall flat. Tangle went through the metal virus too and has a history of surviving the side effects of Eggman's invasions. And Tangle is perfectly fine. So what's Lanolin's problem? How can Lanolin's "trauma" be interpreted as anything other than her being overly sensitive?

Then there's the whole thing with Surge. Surge's reasons for hating Sonic are so shallow and contrived that it feels like the writers added the brainwashing bit because even they realized how flimsy Surge's motivations are.

Whisper's old friend group was murdered by Eggman but you don't see Whisper ranting and raving about why Sonic's a moron for not killing Eggman.

I don't see Surge and Lanolin as breaths of fresh air who've transcended the metaphorical matrix of Sonic's world. I see them as whiny pushovers who have less mental endurance than literal kids.

Yeah, you know what, you're right.

In fact, why should Lanolin hold a grudge against Sonic for not saving enough people when in issue 57 she thanked Sonic for saving her town?

Can someone in this Chili's keep their characters consistent, please?

The lack of mitigating backstory is really becoming conspicuous now. At least Surge had brainwashing as an excuse, thin though it was.

As it stands, Lanolin simply appears unhinged because there's nothing else to help us contextualize her behavior. And before people cry "anxiety," note that most people with anxiety do not fucking plot to assassinate a friend out of the blue as a coping mechanism.

---

You don't see Cream or Charmy yelling at Sonic to kill Eggman. Not even after the metal virus. And they're literally children.

Well, Espio did. Tried to suggest it. Sonic just steamrolled him, ignored the fact that he was speaking from a place of pain and proceeded to strawman his point. Cuz principles. :P

In hindsight, that scene reads like Espio touched a raw nerve on something Sonic was already beating himself up about and Sonic just blew up on him.

And actually, Cream prevented Whisper from JFKing Eggman. Whisper was indeed going to do what everybody says Sonic should do, but it wasn't considered the proper stance at the time, so she was made to stand down.

---

Tangle went through the metal virus too and has a history of surviving the side effects of Eggman's invasions. And Tangle is perfectly fine. So what's Lanolin's problem? How can Lanolin's "trauma" be interpreted as anything other than her being overly sensitive?

Honestly, "massive control freak" seems like the most cogent explanation in the absence of others. People have to walk on eggshells around her so as not to trigger her anxiety, since she responds with violence.

---

I don't see Surge and Lanolin as breaths of fresh air who've transcended the metaphorical matrix of Sonic's world. I see them as whiny pushovers who have less mental endurance than literal kids.

Not to mention spotlight leeches lol.

[sweatandwoe]

bioware da:v stuff

Ohhhhhhh, I forgot about it being multiplayer originally urrrggHHGGG nightmare nightmare

EA/BIOWARE execs I hate your flaccid brains.

They do claim to "have a mastery of the frostbite engine now" but an RPG should never have to be forced into that FIFA engine! It looks so "bloomy" & waxy, the camera jerks around to be "immersive" when the character runs. It feels like they were told to keep adding post processing effects so some suit could say he punched it up.

I still hope the gameplay will be fun/wellmade but I have to admit I personally don't care about how heavily the story is going in on elves as the one important™️ race to the world setting.

I'm playing BG3 & DOS2, trying to tell myself I can't compare Bioware to Larian as they are very different styles of RPG studio but oogh more time passes & the more I enjoy the way Larian does it. As an ancient Bioware game fan, it stings.

BIOWARE CRITICAL (I ranted more than I thought)

Frostbite Engine is probably why we also got an art direction change, that feels closer to Fifa. It wouldn't surprise me if that's also where the hair physics comes in, as Fifa does have that. It doesn't look bad to me, however, I saw someone describe it as Pixar-lite and I can never unsee it. Also, the Megamind Qunari was certainly... a choice.

Also Frostbite used mostly for multiplayer games and the scrapped live service/multiplayer DA game, also got used here. From just a lot of elements that I don't wanna go into here (this post is already very long)

I think the combat actually looks fun but I've seen people call it CRPG still and no, it's an action RPG. I wouldn't expect anyone to go and expect BG3 combat (Or story elements). I do wonder if it'll get old quickly though, and also that the monster designs aren't scary at all and look really goofy. The Ui/hud stuff during fights is also pretty messy and I hope they have options to remove things from it at launch.

Putting the rest under a readmore, I went in depth lmao

Elves are taking certain front, but also it feels like in a weird direction. We're in Tevinter, Dwarves have strong relations with Tevinter but there isn't even a faction related to them? Also, we have a high focus on the elves, which is to be expected with the plot of the last game.

But also we're in Tevinter and I haven't seen, ya know, any mention of the slavery, which elves are a major portion of. Like none of the ads talk about it (which could make sense). No articles I see mention it. It feels... weird. Especially given we're seeing Solas' backstory in this game, and how he freed slaves was important to his character but yeah little to no mention of it

That being said I also have heard nothing about the story spoilers, besides what some people posted on Twitter, and it was scraps. A lot of people who just played the first 7 hours, are releasing their reviews and say the story is good, but won't go into details because of spoilers? Make a spoiler video, I'll watch it, but I wonder if Bioware/EA didn't allow the mention of any story elements to preserve "their surprise choices" (and any story elements hardcore fans would get pissed at)

FOLLOWING IS A SMALL SPOILER (TWO LINES) FOR VEILGUARD, I think it's important to see before you buy it but BE WARNED

God this line pisses me off so much

Solas should have negative traits, actually, and make huge mistakes, like he was known to do in the last DLC released, a decade ago. No matter how many plans he has, he usually fucks it up by going too big.

He literally was chumming it up with Mythal, "she was the best of them", yet here he is pointing at (probably) her and Elgar'nan as they become Gods. I think making him fully against the system from the start and not someone who once enjoyed some benefits of the system, even if he didn't engage in the slavery aspect of it, to become friends/rivalry with the Evanuris but as they grew in power, and eventually murdered the only one of them he considered actually good, the light bulb went off in his head, is like, really a big character retcon to me.

Despite how bad they were, Solas didn't want to lock them away. He despised and loved them. He never killed them, he couldn't, either do to his limited power or due to his friendship with them. He loved his People, that he would cast everything he loves, all away for their freedom.

And when he returns, he doesn't even see the Dalish as elves. He think he's failed them and wouldn't care if they all died, if he could bring back the power to restore his People, even if it means bringing back the Evanuris. And if they go "well he was going to break the veil without trying to actually awake/unlock them", that is dumb writing. He understands that they are the consequences that he will unleash onto the world at the end of DAI and that he thinks life with magic is better to bring back the People, even at the cost of the world itself or the People's freedom at that. The People who he doesn't even consider are modern elves. He doesn't give two shits about modern elves, only the ancient ones he's lost. He seems them as his failures and instead of, ya know, actually trying to help them regain their lost cultures and lands he jumps to "actually you all are horrifying, you can die while I regain my own world"

The Elf!Inquisitor is the only elf he truly sees as a person, the potential to be a member of the People in his eyes. Everyone else is a fool or a tool to him.

BG3 and DSO2 are such healing things for the RPG fantatic soul. They have their problems, but the quality is so much higher than I ever expected to see. The way choices actually matter and have direct consequences in the one game vs having to wait until the sequel to see if collecting ten bear asses for that one dwarf lady gets you a special dialogue option.

Larian has got my support always, they made DSO2 so good, that I pre-ordered BG3 all the way back in Oct 2020. I have no desire to ever pre-order another Bioware game, except maybe some remasters.

[orthoxrequiem]

JUJUTSU KAISEN CHAPTER 261 SPOILERS

I don’t give a shit about some “deep meaning” behind what happened. I don’t give a shit about Yuta being “the next Gojo”. I don’t give a shit about seeing Sukuna fight “Gojo” again. I’m just so fucking tired of it all. It’s so fucking draining.

Jujutsu Kaisen is a anime/manga that I considered to be brilliant for a lot of reasons, but it’s just become so unenjoyable with time. The series has no heart in it anymore. None of these supposed “big moments” hit because we’ve barely even really seen the depth of these characters aside from “wow look at this cool shonen battle”! All we’ve seen of the characters talking to each other in Shinjuku is just fucking powerscaling and it’s so draining how lacking in emotion it is.

Even in terms of my favourite characters, Todo is thankfully back but is now gonna be fucking sidelined by the next fight after only showing up for two issues, and Hakari is stuck doing fucking nothing with Uraume. Don’t even get me fucking started on the travesty that is Miwa.

Seeing Gojo again would’ve at least livened the mood a bit and had some personality added to what is in general such a draining fight, but no, it’s that fucker Yuta. I hated the direction they went with Yuta after JJK 0. What was once a great character with wonderful development is now just “a powerful sorcerer with potential equal to Gojo” We never actually see the personality of him that I grew to love. He doesn’t even have any meaningful interactions with Maki for fuck sake. I know I’m biased as someone who loved YutaMaki in JJK 0 but even with that aside their fucking connection there amounts to nothing in the main series. He’s a hollow shell of the character he once was. Maybe this moment would be better is the fucking story didn’t take a slow nosedive after Shibuya but it isn’t and it’s tiring.

I’m so tired of this series now and I’m just drained. I’m dropping it, and yet I’d still willingly discuss it with enthusiasm to anyone who asks lmao. I am so cooked. Sorry if this rant is very scattered, but I just had to get it all out there.

[nei-ning]

Just finished playing FF7 Remake Rebirth and, let me tell you, IT SUCKS. If you haven't play original FF7 back in 90's, then sure you'll like this one, but if you have... Well, you KNOW and SEE all the things which have been added, made longer and boring and just purely stupid, confusing, flashing events back and forth, jumping from character to another, added bosses which weren't in original game (some characters included as well).

Like yesterday, I started to play, thinking I play chapter 13 and then go to bed since it can't be that long. BULLSHIT! I spend 12-14 HOURS playing ONLY THAT CHAPTER straight (no breaks!) even that I didn't even explore ANY areas! Just went straight for the main scenes. In original FF7 you just went to that place, did your thing, and got out. Simple. Now? Oh no, no, no! Instead you had to go there and do this, then jump to this group and do that, then back to other group and run there, watch cut scenes over and over and over again for HOURS! It was infuriating, tiring and just stupid (wasted use of resources too). Don't get me wrong, cut scenes are good IF they have been used with good taste. Now? NOPE! They were only there to make the scenes LONGER without any other purpose. If Square Enix would have leave all those stupid nonsenses out of the game, making it 100% the same as the original one was, the game would had fit in first disk but now there's just too much stuff. Which, again, is annoying and has no bigger meaning or any effect on the story. Also some boss fights, especially at the end. For God's sake! In those fights the camera is so restless! I mean there's so much "cut scenes" where the boss wiggles and screams and does thing X etc. That was BORING! The movement in those situations is also so fast and confusing and messy that you can't even see shit!

Then all that fucked up nonsense from Kingdom Hearts where everyone is: "You can change your fate." No, you fucking can't. Whatever is meant to happen, HAPPENS sooner or later. You can't avoid or change it. Not to mention all that is Kingdom Hearts stuff and it should stay there. Keep FF7 as it originally was!

Also, just because in modern day we can use amazing graphics and effect in games doesn't mean they make the game better. It doesn't and it shows is FF7 Remake. There's honestly SO MUCH things I HATE in FF7 remake. Sorry about the rant but I'm honestly pissed and so disappointed. IF Square Enix would had kept FF7 Remake 100% THE SAME as original FF7 with modern day's graphics... That game would instantly have become the best game ever made! Now? FF7 Remake is like shit hitting the fan, that shit raining on original FF7 (which, still, is the most amazing game I've ever played. You simply CAN'T beat that original game).

I am NOT looking forward to FF7 Remake's third game. Sure I can play it if sis gets it but I'm NOT buying it, or any previous disks, myself. I'm not tossing my money to Square Enix when they give something like that what I do not enjoy.

[orenjibot]

This is just me airing out a bit of my grievances right now so I’ll put it under a read more. It WILL be long but i will try to keep it short or make a tl;dr at the end of it. Idk honestly.

I WILL NOT delete this AT ALL because i swear I’m not bound by any legal NDA or anything and i’m not even trying to start shit with people. I’m just PISSED OFF and need to share it once and for all.

Edit: I added a tl;dr if you guys don’t want to read my thoughts.

So okay. I had a rant about trying hard to be in a community of any kind in a post I reblogged. I will spare the details of not having the right tools to COPE with my adhd since it made me socially awkward and basically come off as a weirdo and stuff. I have improved lots since but like you know lmaooo

You see. Here’s this thing about my thoughts of my time as a mod on the compass en (fan) discord. I was a mod for this community for years, only because we were severely UNDERSTAFFED for years to the point where I was essentially the ONLY person doing any mod work what so ever. This isn’t to blame other people or mods though. It’s a fan group anyways, people have obligations, people change interests, people hate what the group has become and ETC. I was never mad in these situations.

The issues I’ve had with being a mod was essentially just not knowing what to do and what was okay. Like there was one person who would constantly just act horny 25/7 and it seemed like??? Everyone was okay with that??? Like??? There were minors??? In the server????????? And also those jokes made me uncomfy like it’s a public server not a friend group.

I didn’t want to do too much where it comes off as being on a powertrip or SILENCING people based on a simple dislike/disagreement. The laid back moderation wasn’t a bad thing and not that many people were horrible people (and most of them were good people who stop when told). Essentially, it made it so that a lot of members in the server when confronted with directly would basically NEVER take any mod seriously. On multiple occasions, it pissed me off on a personal level.

But what can I even do? I’m only one person and the server owner was busy most of the time and can’t afford to put any time into dealing with the server anymore. It was truly a time where I was just off on my own and idk what to do.

Anyways, I’ll be skipping ahead of the timeline and to the one time we had to demote a mod entirely for improper mod behavior.

So this guy… I’ll call this guy Allen to avoid dropping names— so Allen here was allegedly DATING a minor. Yeah. So as the “head mod” I did grapple with whether or not I should bring it up with the rest of the other mods and even the server owner. I kept hearing more and more shit from him which was FURTHER backed up by the fact that I was actually griping about it for a long time until the guy finally got his fucking shit together one time after I left cause the bozo basically did nothing anyways.

It made me absolutely livid how this guy saw being a mod as some sort of status for clout. Like this guy flat out was making fun of being a mod for the server and basically just went “I dont have to do anything cause everyone’s asleep when I’m awake and awake when im asleep! So easyyyy lmaoooo”

There is NO actual proof about this, but this was backed up by the fact that he did absolutely nothing and continued to shove everything for me to do. So like, the dude was basically a lazy ass mofo.

I didn’t even know anything about the guy dating a minor until someone told me about it and sent us proof of it. A lot of us were of the mindset that “it didn’t rly matter to us what they did as long as it was sfw so we don’t have to take immediate action” but… we saw both of them chat in the cps server and for sure they were sending nsfw shit to each other based on what they’re saying about hcs (like it had waaay too much sexual energy in there to say they didnt talk about nsfw privately amongst themselves).

I really got bit pissed off at all of this so I took it up to everyone immediately. Like first of all, the server also has minors so it was really a huge red flag for us to keep the guy around as a mod.

This happened when Allen was trying to host his very own tournament (last year around this time), but failed cause he decided to put it off to oblivion and even rushed me to do everything. I volunteered to help but only to stream it and nothing else. When i brought it up to him that I can take over and do everything so he didn’t have to, he declined. Like this guy did nothing at all and expected ME to do it all for him when i made it clear from the get go that I wasn’t going to do that. The dude was clearly irresponsible. Even more so than me and he also has adhd like me. Like dude is just a bitch.

It made the poor guy PARANOID. Like he immediately stopped talking in the server after he was demoted and basically stopped working on the tournament all together. I didn’t want anything to do with him after all of this and the fact that he was unapologetic about dating a minor as long as there’s love. Like no. Bro. Wtf. (I heard this second hand so take that with a grain of salt)

Now here’s the kicker. Out of personal spite, and to not leave my work unused, I decided to host my own tournament after some time has passed. It was a challenge that I enjoyed, but I’m not cut out for stuff like this so I wasn’t going to do it anymore than one time.

But guess what? Allen joined the tournament with his team. And this was the team that gave me SHIT when we (me and my two helpers) had to give them a DQ for basically doing everything wrong. I wasn’t even surprised that something was going to come up with this group. It only sucked because they sure wrapped up a now former friend of mine into their whole schtick and basically started to hate me for something they clearly didn’t do right.

Not only did they think we were powertripping, they deadass thought we did it out of spite for them. Like no. We didn’t even do that. Like it’s a casual tournament but we had rules to abide by and it would be unfair to let them play when everyone else followed directions, read the rules, and was doing as told. That team did NONE of that and said that we, the staff, did it out of favoritism.

Like c’mon that was the SILLIEST reason I have ever heard. Imagine it being favoritism because EVERYONE ELSE FOLLOWED DIRECTIONS.

Granted, I can agree that my attitude wasn’t the best because I was tired and also FED UP with the fact that they didn’t even listen to what I was saying as the organizer. They flat out ignored all I was saying and decided on their own that I was okay with everything. Like no I’m not trying to make a callout post on them so I won’t post any proof of this, but ask anyone who was the staff with me during the tournament and they can give proof.

I will also say that my instructions wasn’t clear half of the time so I can understand that they might’ve been confused aside from not reading it. I will say that I didn’t make it extra clear at all about the timeframe. I had a lot going on the latter half of November and most of December so I know that that was on me. But they deliberately threw everything onto my shoulders and expect me to organize their team for them which is stupid to begin with.

The biggest reason why this did happen was because my former friend didn’t respond to a question I had asked ahead of time about their schedule. I had asked for them to tell me if their schedule in JST, so japan time. She only gave me a weekend schedule and nothing else so I assumed she answered in jst. And this point when I asked again to confirm if this time was okay, her two teammates responded in her stead by saying “yeah it seems like she’s free at this time”, which also meant that we all read her reply the same exact way.

She came out to tell me when I was asleep, that she couldn’t make it and didn’t even TRY to talk it out with my other staff and I only woke about a couple hours before their scheduled time cause I sleep funky hours. Like they expect me to get everything sorted out in 2 hours??? Like??? That’s not enough time??? And we couldnt find anything that worked with the staff and their opposing team, so they HAVE to play at their scheduled time.

Then they said they’ll find a sub, which technically isn’t allowed without prior discussion. They clearly didn’t read the substitution INSTRUCTIONS either. I still had every right to decline them of a sub since they didn’t ask for permission for one and assumed that it was okay.

But like whatever man, I didn’t care by the time we discussed this far. They then basically just…. Didn’t even tell us anything afterwards for an hour and 20 minutes. Like an hour before their match started and 10-15 mins after where they had a short waiting period before we hand them a DQ. We had strict attendance rules and it was their responsibility to let us know they found a sub before their match started… And not AFTER we handed them a DQ.

They tried to argue with us that we have to let them play and that they couldn’t “understand” why they can’t. Like it wasn’t that hard to understand that we couldn’t do that because it was unfair to everyone else who was following the rules. I couldn’t reschedule it to a different time due to everyone’s busy schedules and it would require having to do everything over again. Like granted, it was my first time doing this and I was very stubborn on not asking for too much help because I didn’t want to rely too much on people. It just came at a bad time when everyone was busy too. So I admit to just being an inexperienced first time tournament organizer and knowing that a part of this is also my fault, but not entirely.

Like, again, this really wasn’t done out of personal malice or anything of the sort. But this team also went out of their way to cause problems for everyone involved and basically quit last minute when it was time for their other match (after they got DQ’d for their match in the semis), which pissed the other team off. They led everyone to believe that the staff did something wrong, when really it was their incompetence and miscommunication that led to everything happening. I offered my side of the reasoning for what we did to my former friend who was the only one who tried to at least talk to me, but instead kind of gave me an attitude like I owed her something.

I actually thought she was blaming herself for what happened and I said stuff that said I was sorry and she didn’t deserve that, only to find out that… they thought it was…….. favoritism?? And I was just… “????? Huh????” So like… I don’t know what I can even say when they believed something so comedically foolish. They’ve been watching way too many dramas man like if I wanted to be spiteful, I wouldn’t do something that heinous. I also make it clear when I dislike people so if anything, I would’ve just trashed their application from the get go to be petty. I don’t have the energy to plan it out like that or even be that petty as to not let them play. If that was a concern to begin with, they could’ve just not joined at all. I did so much to work with their schedules and yet they conveniently threw it out the window in favor of a fictional revenge plot they made up. Disrespectful.

I still never gotten an apology or even an admittance that they misunderstood what was going on. I can only apologize for things I have done, which was just sounding crabby and being unclear about stuff. But favoritism was not something I or anyone did. This still hurts me right now. Even if they don’t want to apologize to me, apologize to everyone else.

The only saving grace was that when all of this was happening, all the participants didn’t ask or question us directly too much on what was going on. It, at least, showed to us that they were confused and/or also knew that we (the staff) wouldn’t do something this egregious. Still, it hurt that everyone didn’t even try to defend me and was perhaps skeptical, like maybe I am this irresponsible (I’m not).

However, there is more to my grievances about this.

Aside from feeling like no one respected me at all, even when I’m the one with the MOST POWER in the conersation, someone told me how everyone (in their server) wanted them to host the tournament. Like, it was very hurtful to hear that everyone else wanted this person to do the job. That everyone wanted them to do everything. It really pissed me off. Being a mod IS a damn thankless job, but I have never felt so hurt and betrayed. I was doing so much for everyone and was trying to make things more fun for people, but nah. They really wanted this cool person that everyone loved and babied, and not some boring old guy like me. Well, I’m sorry I made everyone’s times there boring and bland as fuck. I hope you guys are having more fun now that I’m not there ruining it for you all.

No one even tried to actually defend me when all of this WAS happening. Like? They really left me for dead. Not a single person wanted to believe me or support me until I said all that I could share about it in DMs. Then they all realized that the Allen’s team were being petty about it.

I’m ridiculously tired because this wasn’t EVEN drama to begin with. It was just Allen’s team being vengeful (mostly just Allen and his bestie who was in the team). I was just being dragged down simply because they couldn’t take an L.

Had Allen’s team came up with a better rebuttal, I would’ve let them play. Had they said they got a sub before we gave them a DQ, I would’ve let them play. They did not even try to have a discussion with us and tried to be petty because they thought we were being petty. Like please we don’t got time for your kiddy fights, man. I hope you’re all happy that I suffered for whatever the fuck y’all did.

It was just so damn weird how they correlated this as a “power trip” when…….. it really wasn’t that and everyone could probably read the chat log and will still say that it seemed like miscommunication. Like literally no one got in trouble for anything because it was just… wasn’t even the problem they made it out to be. This was something they could’ve tried to talk it out reasonably with us but they chose NOT to. That is ON THEM entirely.

Given how I was also repeatedly just being disregarded even AS a mod, I was completely fed up with it all. When there were issues, no one brought it up to the mods directly??? And told the server owner instead??? LIKE??? He never even told me that’s how everyone actually felt, i only knew because when I used to be in Ann’s server, they all told me what they felt about the changing times of the server (which can’t be helped in most cases) AND the fact that I can tell that’s how people felt based on the vibes.

Was I really THAT untrustworthy as a person and a mod?? Was I really that incompetent to everyone???

I always felt like I was some half rate guy that no one liked. I tried because I knew that without someone there to manage it, it would’ve been so much worse. But it seemed like to me that everyone thought I was useless and a waste of space. They rather have that popular someone everyone loved to do my job for them. It would be so much better and much more fun, right? I agree.

I didn’t become a mod because I wanted clout. I wanted to help. I did it out of the pure love and appreciation of finding this community at one of the worst times of my life. And I still do want to help, but after all of this? Good luck on that. You all have to beg for me to come back to help. None of you guys deserve me at all.

Anyways, yeah, this is the extent to my side of the story WITH my personal thoughts and opinions on it. I don’t have the energy to make a tl;dr right now after saying all of this. So i’ll make an edit for it later.

This is why I personally left the server and cut off most of the people who I met there if they didn’t try to contact me again or get back in touch with me… And assuming I didn’t contact them first.

There’s just too much bad feelings in it for me to want to stay around. The thing with Ann and some couple others before her and this whole thing, all were as a result of being in this community, made me realize that they don’t want me around anymore. I figured it was time to me to step down or take more of a backseat, but now? Early retirement. Fuck this shit man.

Tl;dr: This is a rant of one of my MANY grievances about being a mod in the compass server. I am not blaming anyone for any of this as I understand that this was just the result of the circumstances that happened with everyone at the time.

The key points being:

Understaffed mod team and a busy server owner, which led me to struggle with modding as I wasn’t sure what was okay and what wasn’t, and overall a lot of work on me being the only person modding a whole server of people. I didn’t mention it before but it stressed me out constantly for years.

Having to demote a mod for misconduct. His list of crimes goes from bad work ethics, bad display of behavior on multiple occasions as a mod, irresponsible with organization (tried to host his own tournament but failed and had me doing most of the heavy lifting before it was ultimately “canceled”), and the worst of all: dating a minor (5 years younger than he was). This point later comes back as this former mod (whom I called Allen for the sake of using a name, it isn’t his name/online handle) joined my tournament with his team.

The team being the one that caused me a lot of trouble because they firmly believed that we were abusing our power and said we deliberately sabotaged them on purpose. None of which was true and I’m sure a lot of people have noticed this, but I refrained from dropping too much details as I’m not here to start shit or make it a callout post. Talk to the two helpers and they can probably explain it better. I listed various reasons for this happening and debunking some potential misunderstandings. The issue was largely miscommunication and I am aware of the issues it caused.

Most of this from that point onward was just my personal thoughts about feeling unappreciated, even under-appreciated, for all the stuff I have done. This extends from members not respecting what I had to say to feeling as if people didn’t want to listen to me or want me around because they thought I was useless, irresponsible, incompetent, and boring. “Clearly”, they don’t want someone like me as a mod so I left as a result of that. There is a lot more it but this is but a summary, so read it all if you want more details.

Overall, I’ve been disrespected and disregarded heavily before, but it felt somewhat clear to me that the community had a bias and very much wanted me to leave despite all that I was doing to make the server a better place to be in. I left after determining that they do not deserve me and if they want me back, they are all going to have to BEG for me to come back.

[boldlyvoid]

can u do a blurb about reader wanting a baby and asking her co-worker Spencer to be the donor because he's smart and nice and she wants a cute baby?

you said blurb and i read 2K word fic apparently lmao

Late nights behind a desk were the worst. Y/N hated reading over case file, after case file, of horrific things as she tried to choose where they went next.

The only plus side was that she wasn’t alone, Spencer was at his desk just beside her. Like he always was. They had an interesting friendship, to say the least.

Ever since Y/N joined the BAU, Spencer and her were glued at the hip. They had all the same interests, liked the same music and movies, and they spat out information the same way, they were like each other’s dorky other half— but it was just a friendship.

They had a tradition to watch at least one movie together after a case, to just chill for a bit together. Always randomly picking one of their apartments to go to, spending the night together until one of them eventually wandered off to bed. Leaving the other on the couch.

They weren’t aware of their feelings for each other for a while. Both of them being so used to being alone, and never having anyone be interested in them before. It was hard to understand if the feelings they had were pure friendship, or if it could ever be more. If the sex would fuck everything up and take away that perfect happy place they found in each other, or would it make the bond stronger?

She noticed the crush before Spencer showed any signs of liking her back. She woke up every morning thinking of him, that's when she came to the conclusion that it was more than just a friendship. She wanted him in her life forever, she wanted to kiss his perfect lips and hug his soft body, wake up beside his messy hair and just love him for the rest of eternity.

She sighed as she picked up another file, not excited to learn about the horrible acts taking place in what people called, “the best country in the world.” She’d disagree any day of the week.

This one was a file about some missing kids apparently being spotted in a van altogether in Georgia, it looked interesting enough to be the next case. She hated reading all the info, seeing every kid's happy face in the file knowing that’s not how they looked now.

“Good god,” she groaned as she flipped through the case.

“What’s wrong?” Spencer asked over the divider.

“Nothing,” she shrugged, “just a bad case.”

She handed it to him over the desk, hearing him flip through all the sheets as he read a million words a minute. “We should show this to Emily first thing,” Spencer agreed, pushing himself over to her desk in his wheely chair.

“I will,” she smiled softly, taking the file back from him and placing it on her desk.

Spencer stood then, making his way into her space and rubbing his hand over her back slightly. “Are you okay?”

She sighed, “actually. no, I was telling Garcia I want to have a baby soon, and then I see things like this and I’m scared to do it alone but I don’t have any other option?” Ranting to him like he was her therapist.

“What do you mean?”

She turned in her chair to look up at him, his soft brown eyes really caring to hear the answer. “Sit,” she insisted.

He pulled the chair over more, sitting close enough that their knees touched. “I’m 36, I’m not having any luck finding a husband or a wife, I want a baby and if I have to do it myself I will, but what if I’m not enough? What if I have a boy and he grows up to be a killer cause he never had a dad?”

“Y/N,” Spencer’s voice was soft as he looked at her with a confused scrunch on his face. “That couldn’t happen, you’re a wonderful person, I love having you on the team and in my life, I know you’d raise good kids, you should do it.”

“Really?” She beamed at him, the words touching her heart and making her swoon a bit.

“I mean, it would be hard,” he added reason to the conversation. “You’d have to take time off, which would be good for bonding. My mother raised me alone and I turned out semi-fine, I don't hold any resentment for her not finding someone for me to call dad or even step-mom for that matter. I think if you give them all the love in the world like I know you’re capable of, your child will love you like you’re their whole world.”

She laughed as she noticed the tears welling in her eyes, waving her hand's in front of her face so she wouldn’t fully sob. “Do you want to be the donor?” She made a joke to change the topic.

Spencer laughed then too, “sure!”

Everything got serious again then, she looked at him a little differently. “Really? Cause honestly, you’re like a Grade A donor profile in the most expensive clinic!” She couldn’t help herself from laughing again at the absurdity.

“I’ve always wanted to be a dad, 40 isn’t too old to have a child, is it?” He seemed to have decided that rather fast.

“Okay,” she nodded with a smile, “okay. That’s cool, sick,” she felt the words get smaller as she thought it over.

“I get it if you were kidding,” Spencer spat out. “I realize now that you might have been making a joke, I hope it’s not weird that I agreed so fast, it’s just that I think you’re a very beautiful and smart woman and the idea of helping you make a child makes me really excited. I think it would be a very good idea if you were being serious, but I get it if you’re not.”

She let him get it all out, always loving when he got like this on a case or in person, nervous or just because he wanted to talk, she loved to listen. And no one ever let him finish his thoughts, always wanting to beat him to the punch.

“Spence, I think you’re really handsome and smart too,” she smiled. “If you’re also serious, I am too.”

“How would we?” He asked as he pulled at the top button of his dress shirt, swallowing like he couldn't breathe all of a sudden.

“If you’re not opposed, I’m sure the good old-fashioned way would work?” She laughed, laying her hand on his knee softly.

It was like sparks flew at that moment as if all the fluorescent lights in the bullpen could have exploded and she wouldn’t have even noticed. Captivated by Spencer's eyes as he gasped at her touch.

“Not opposed in the slightest,” he said softly as he held his own hand over hers.

She couldn’t help herself from smiling. “Well, I think I’m all done here if you want to come to my place for a movie?”

“Sure,” he replied, offering her a hand as they stood up together.

He returned his chair to his desk, both of them grabbing their coats and bags and rejoining at the door.

“I should go say goodnight to Penny,” Y/N said softly. “Wanna come?”

“Yeah,” he followed her through the door and down the hall to the tech room.

“Knock knock,” Y/N said as she walked through the open door. “Oh great and knowledgeable one, I’ve come with my nightly farewell.”

“Oh my knight, I shall miss you,” Penelope played along, sauntering over to her and wrapping her up in a hug. “I leave you with this until your return.”

“Through scorching deserts, and blistering winds, I will make it back to you, always,” she tried not to laugh as she hugged her back. “I also brought forth the jester.”

Spencer was laughing in the doorway as the two of them looked at him, “hi?”

“The pretty boy, to what do I owe the pleasure?”

“Um,” Y/N smiled, “Spencer and I are just going back for our nightly movie.”

Penelope looked at both of them, jaw slightly gaped, “nightly? I thought it was a case by case thing?”

“It’s a good excuse for us to talk,” Spencer smiled at her.

“Mhmm,” she smirked, “well have fun.”

She pulled Y/N back into another hug, hiding her face from Spencer, “I need all the dirty deets in the morning.”

Y/N smacked her arm softly as she pulled back, “goodnight pretty penny.”

“Farewell brave knight, handle with care, Jester,” Penelope pointed her finger at him, giving him a knowing glance.

“Yes, oh Knowledgeable one, always,” he blushed.

He reached out his hand for Y/N, interlocking their fingers as they left her office and headed towards the elevator. A rare moment of bravery on his part, holding hands like this didn’t spread a lot of germs.

“We’re going to have to discuss a lot of logistics like realistically this isn’t going to be just a fuck and oh look its a baby. This is a real live baby that we need to raise and care for,” she reminded him as the elevator doors shut.

“I’d like to be as involved as you’d let me be,” Spencer replied. “I don’t have to be 'dad' to them, I could be uncle Spence that’s fine too.”

“Oh no, you’d be Dad for sure,” she nudged him slightly. “I mean like, weekends and holidays and birthdays, your mom will want to see them surely, my parents will want to see them. Housing,” she looked at him horrified. “I have an apartment with 2 bedrooms, I don’t think I could let them sleep somewhere without me.”

“I have been looking at houses,” Spencer added before the doors opened to the garage, “you’re driving right?”

“Yeah, you were saying?” She replied, digging her keys out of her purse and leading him towards the car.

“Derek Morgan, I’m not sure if you’ve met him yet, he fixes up old homes in DC and Virginia now. He just finished one and I helped him with it. I think I’m going to buy it from him. It has 4 bedrooms, we could all live under the same roof? It would be easier to co-parent.”

She was amazed at how fast he adapted to this as if he’d been having the same thoughts she was having. At a certain point wanting kids becomes a pipe dream filled with desperation and emptiness, he looks like he’s experienced it too.

She opened her door and sat down before replying to him again. Thinking about how wonderful he was going to be during this process, “thank you, Spencer.”

“For what?” He asked as they both closed their doors.

She sighed, relaxing into her seat as she started the car. She turned to him softly, not wanting to cry as she spoke softly. “Being a mom is more of a dream to me than joining the BAU was, this is the best gift you could give me.”

He reached his hand out again, holding it softly. Running his thumb over her knuckles. “Can I tell you a secret?”

“Yeah,” she nodded softly.

He couldn’t make eye contact with her, staring at their hands as he rubbed her skin.

“Um, I’ve been pretty infatuated with you since you joined,” he let it out finally. Like a ton of bricks off his back he relaxed a bit, “after everything with Maeve, Cat and Max�� oh god, and JJ... I was so worried that if I got too close to you I’d lose you. I tried to keep the feelings in, that's why I said what I did to Penelope. She knows how I feel about you.”

It was like fireworks were going off in her chest as the butterflies erupted inside of her. She sat up, turning to him more and ripping her hand from his grasp.

It startled him, he looked at her anxiously as if she was going to yell at him. But she placed both hands on his cheeks and pulled him into a kiss.

His arms snaked around her waist, wishing they could get closer if it wasn’t for the damn centre console of her car. Pressing their lips together, hard, as they breathed each other in. Desperation taking control, she wasn’t able to let go of him.

When she finally did pull away, however, the look on his face was priceless. Like expensive art, every line and freckle had a meaning. He was surprised, enamoured, grateful, desperate for more.

She smiled softly, rubbing her thumbs over his cheek. “Good, cause it would be awkward having your baby and not getting to love you every day too.”

taglist: @shemarmooresfedora @spencers-dria @spookyspence @reidsfish @manuosorioh @mochionly @samuel-de-champagne-problems @jswessie187 @k-k0129 @calm-and-doctor

[sweetaesuga]

in your eyes | m

pairing: jungkook x female reader!

genre: smut, fluff, angst, college au, fratboy jk! ex-fuckboy jk! bookworm reader! friends to lovers!

warnings: language, insecurity, drinking, dom jungkook! fingering in public, exhibitionism, female masturbation, grinding, oral (m), dirty talk, light choking, degrading (slut/whore), squirting, creampie, unprotected sex (both are clean but stay safe), bathroom sex, riding, pinning.

word count: 10.6k+

synopsis: jungkook always sees you like the only girl in the world, and you just see him as a fuckboy. OR jungkook just wants a chance🥺

↳ a/n: first time i ever write a fic or smut please enjoy🤧 

You were only sixteen when you met him. He stepped into the classroom in all dark baggy clothes in an uneasy walk. At first glance you would of thought he was a timid person. Wrong, under all of that bullshit you see an egoistic and self-assured asshole that you're somehow happy to call your friend. You even learned that it was facade. Jungkook was a boy with a good heart who always remained loyal to all of his friends.

Jungkook just turned seventeen when he met you, noticing you straight away when you had a nice sense of fashion. You always had on an accessory that matched with the color of your shirt or jeans. You also always wore a bit of bright colors in your outfits. The bright unique makeup is what caught his attention too. He was proud to call you his friend.

When you both happily entered the same college along with your best friend Hayoon, everything changed. He began hanging out with a new group of friends, they were all older than them and deeply influenced him. He joined a fraternity then and began spending less time with you. He only came over to study or celebrate your birthday. His busyness merely reminded you how he preferred to spend his time hooking up with random girls every week rather than play board games with you or rant to him about your new book you were reading.

You don't exactly remember when he started but you do remember all the girls that talked about how amazing he was in bed which solely added more uncertainty on you. You even walked in on him and a freshman girl going at it in one of the sorority’s room at a party you were both attending.

The memory of when he started crushing on you was foggy to you but he always remembered it in a flash. It was when he had a taekwondo match, where circumstantially Jungkook's girlfriend, who wasn't really his girlfriend, at the time couldn't make it. His hopes were put down by the thought of someone not supporting him, since he always tried his best with his own cheerleader being there.

In the middle of the match, his eyes scanned the bleachers, wishing for someone to be there. His wishes were granted as he saw you there. Standing awkwardly, you gave him a little wave with a smile. His chest heaved in glee, sending you a quick smile before he returned to his match.

The sound of you screaming his name when he won, put a enormous smile on his face. Jungkook watched you run down the bleachers, apologizing to all the people you were bumping through. You leaped into his arms easily.

Your next words to him were a blur since Jungkook was too focused on just having you in his arms. He was grinning happily at you, hair sticking to his forehead. His heart heaved with warmth as you hugged him tightly.

He was twenty-one and you were twenty when he realized he had a crush on you.

You were seventeen when you realized you liked him.

But you were nineteen when you realized you would never be good enough for him.

"He then had the audacity to ask me if I slept with anyone else! The nerve of that guy," you felt like your ear was going to bleed out just by listening to your best friend blabber about her ex-boyfriend.

"Why don't you just stop talking to him? I don't know...block his number or something?" you suggested, very uninterested in this conversation about her ex-boyfriend contacting her. She could simply just block him out her life and be done with him. 

You stared at the worn out rubber of the tip of your black converse. She popped the gum in her mouth, the sound became annoying to you. Hayoon squinted her eyes at you, trying to find something to say to argue back to you. She instead changed the subject. "Where were you on Saturday?"

"Studying like the rest of the students here," you moved to rest your weight onto your right leg. "I just can't seem to understand how finals are coming up and some people are out here partying? The library was packed when I got there."

"Yeah well I wouldn't know because I didn't go," she grinned at you. "Instead I went to a party because I'm not a loser like you!" Hayoon giggled to herself and you rolled your eyes. "Also," she popped the gum loudly. "Jungkook was asking for you. Calling for his dream girl. . .or something like that—I don't know can't remember—too drunk you know?"

Your ears perked up to that. "Really?" you tucked a piece of hair behind your ear that got in the way and leaned forward. "Did you remember why he was looking for me?"

Hayoon grinned again. "Even if I do know why would you care? Don't you hate him or something?" she smiled evilly and threw her head back.

You froze and leaned back to your seat. You know what she was trying to do and it was never going to happen.

You were never going to give Jeon Jungkook a chance.

Jungkook stumbled into the library, eyes searching for you immediately. There was nearly a crowd of students that were preparing for finals. "Hey have you guys seen Y/N?" he asked a study group. A girl in your class answered him, telling him that you were somewhere by the windows.

Of course you were, he thought to himself. You would be seated at your usual spot. He walked over to the windows and spotted you straight away. Watching your figure become closer as he walked further, he took the sandwich out of his bag. "Hey Y/N!" you already knew that voice. You looked up at Jungkook. As usual he looked drop-dead gorgeous. He wore his usual dark baggy outfit, a black cargo jogger and a much darker hoodie with some black combat boots. He was showing off his helix piercing and his fresh new haircut.

"Nice haircut," you referred to his undercut and the fact that he was showing forehead. "Seems like you spent a lot of time on it."

"Yeah! Just for you," he smiled, his cheeks being pushed up. You let out a heavy sigh, clearly not in the mood for his flirtatiousness. "Got you a sandwich, by the way," he laid it in front of you.

You let out a small smile and took it from him, trying not to show how your mouth got watery so quickly. "Thanks, you didn't have to though," he shook his head.

"I don't want you starving to death," he sat down next to you, shoulder pressing against yours. "What are you studying for?" his nose nuzzled your ear. You rolled your eyes and shoved him away, ignoring the goosebumps his warm breath caused.

"Just getting my notes ready. Wanna highlight or color code it but feel like it's going to fuck up everything. Also don't wanna be those fucking girls that always have to make their fucking notes pretty. Also, do I look tired?" he studied your face for any features that made you seem exhausted. "I was up till two in morning watching these two Indian guys build a pool."

His eyes lit up. "Oh my god, I come across from those too."

"I know they came up all over my fucking Youtube recommendations. I got sucked into binge watching them. It makes me feel fucking lazy to be honest, the amount of fucking water they carry back and forth. I wouldn’t be able to do that.”

Jungkook snickered and made a note of how much you swore. "I need to make a swear jar for you. You swear too much."

"Not even," you laughed back at him and nudged his shoulder. "I'm just a little frustrated and stressed right now," his gaze dropped on the purple pins in your hair, holding each side of your hair. "I called my mom and she said to not stress over this, but you know how I get," you frowned and turned to him. He finally took in your appearance. Your bright purple eyeshadow with purple gems adorning the top of it. You wore a purple flare pants and a white long sleeved, deep v-line crop top. His eyes dropped down to your cleavage, trying to see if you had a bra on.

"Holy shit Y/N!" the students around him shushed him. He burned up and muttered a sorry to them, you giggled at how embarrassed he looked. "You look amazing. What's the special occasion?"

"Nothing," you shook your head, a smile still on your face. "Can't I dress up once in awhile?" Jungkook raised an eyebrow at you, knowing that you normally only wear outfits like this when they’re new or it’s the first week of school. "Okay," you dragged your word out. "I got this outfit last week and really wanted to use it today. It's cute right?"

"Yeah, really cute," he toyed with your hair pins, messing up your hair.

Neglecting his comment, you carried on. "I even got up in early in the morning to do my makeup. If I'm gonna show up wearing a new outfit, I might as well have a cute ass face to go with it," you frowned when you remembered something. "And I realized I don't have different color hair pins, they're all purple so thank fuck the fucking pants are purple."

"Well I think you look very cute, Y/N. Boop!" he poked your nose gently. You swatted his hand away, warning him to stop but all you're given is a large bunny smile. "Come on, eat your sandwich. I didn't just come all the way over here searching for you just to talk to you."

"Actually you did bitch."

"Oof, swear jar," he rested his palm out in front you. You took a bite out of the sandwich, placing a quarter on his palm. "No a dollar, Y/N."

"No! What the fuck—wait!" he held out his palm again. "That's not fucki—hold up, you can't just say a dollar," you whined and grabbed your bag. "I don't have money growing out of my ass."

"I don't know that yet. I'm gonna have to check to make sure," you threw a dollar at him. He laughed and picked it up.

"I know your kind," you spatted at him and tossed the other two dollars at him which he easily caught. "Wanna drain my f-freaking bank account."

"Oh come on, I want you to be my sugar mama," he jested, leaning forward to give you a huge smug.

"Sucks to be you actually. I'm looking to be a sugar baby, not a sugar mama," you glanced over your shoulder towards him. His laugh echoed and you watched as students gave him a dirty look from how loud it was.

"Of course. You're the brokest bitch in the city no one actually wants you to be their sugar mama," you gasped at his words.

"Am not!"

"Are so!" you both laughed at each other. His hand searched for yours underneath the table. He must've noticed how tensed up you had gotten when he found it, managing to wrap your smaller fingers into his. "I've been meaning to talk to you by the way."

You groaned, knowing where this will be going. "Jungkook, stop I'm not in the mood," you caught a quick glimpse of the time. "Look, I have to go, my bus will be coming soon." You don't let him mention anything else. Bolting out of the library, you leave a crestfallen Jungkook behind.

He shook his head and took the half eaten sandwich you also left behind. He trailed behind you, backpack threatening to fall down his arm. You proceeded to walk to the bus stop, Jungkook just close behind. "Didn't see you at the party on Saturday?" the voice came from behind you. You opt to ignore it but by the sound of his voice it was easy to tell that he has been dying to ask this question. When you didn't answer him, he tried again. "Seriously where were you on Saturday?"

You sunk down on the bench. "None of your business."

"Well, I was kind of worried about you. I thought you were going to be there so that's why I came," he took a seat right besides you. "Once I saw you weren't there, I left."

"I was at the library studying for finals," you weren't sure why you were telling him this.  After his little confession your heart felt weird. If you hadn't told him though, he probably would've guessed it. Still, he needed confirmation.

"What? Why didn't you tell me? We could’ve studied together!" he complained, nudging his shoulder with yours.

"Jungkook stop, I know what you're doing," you glared at him, wanting to get away. He frowned and reached over to hold you. "I already told you no," you hissed, disregarding the way his eyes appeared sunken at your response.

"Why not? I already told you, I'm not messing around anymore. I genuinely want to settle down with someone," he stared into your eyes with such intensity you felt like your brain was going to explode. Your ears took in his words slowly. "I want to be with you."

"Jungkook, please—"

"Come on, one date. I swear to god I've changed," he ranted. He's always been very keen on having a chance with you, but with all those girls that he used to take home you felt otherwise. You would listen to the girls on how good Jungkook was. How good he looked at night in the dark moonlight. How he would manhandle them in random places. How his muscles would appear every time he flexed them. How those hips of his were a miracle. You would be lying to yourself if you said you didn't ever want to see him that way too.

"I'm flattered, I really am—I just really don't want to be with someone like you. I'm sorry," you apologized, brushing a piece of hair behind your ear.

He blinked then squinted his eyes at you. "What do you mean someone like me?" He sounded somewhat offended at your words.

"You used to fuck around!" you fumed and threw your hands up. The bus was coming down the road towards the two of you. "I don't like that."

"Why not?" He's way too stubborn to let you go, you forgot.

"Because...I just don't okay? Lets leave it there," you stood up and walked over to the bus once it opened its doors. He followed close behind. Before you can enter your dollar into the machine, he does it for you.

The bus driver smiled at him while you glared at him. You walked to the back of the bus, smiling to all the other passengers but secretly upset. Jungkook still followed you like a lost puppy. You slid down in the seat. Your left arm feeling the side of the bus once you properly sat down. "Here, I'll pay you back," you hold out the dollar bill but he sat still in his seat.

"Well shit, sugar mama not right now," You sighed and put it back in your bag. You heard him snort.

"Come on, tell me why you won't give me a chance and I'll leave you alone," he offered. He held your eyes for a moment before you let out a breath of air and looked away.

If he’ll leave you alone, then you must have to say why you won’t grant him a chance with you, a chance for him to become your boyfriend.

"I'm too insecure for you," he opened his mouth but you shushed him. "I'm not...how do I put this? I'm not like them?" you questioned and glanced over at him. He had a look of worry washed all over his face. "The girls that you were with are those who are all popular, party all day, and are very attractive. They all do casual sex, and I don't want be that type of person, I want something serious. Like you have dated Soojin! She's really pretty, makes me gay even," you chuckled at yourself. "That's not the point though. If I'm with you, all I could ever think about is the girls you were with and how different I am from them. I just can't be with someone when all I'll ever think about are my insecurities with them. So how could I possibly ever be good enough for you?" you don't look at him after that.

He sighed and gripped your small hand into his. You almost cringed when you remembered how sweaty your hands were. "That's why I'm after you though. You're not like them. I wanted a change. You are good enough, you'll always be good enough for me. Hell, I feel like I’m not good enough for you. And I really don't care if you're any of that other stuff. I still want to have a shot with you." you don't realize how long you both were holding eye contact. The two of you don't look away from each other however. You don’t even comprehend how close you two have gotten. He reached over to push back a strand of your hair behind your ear. Your breath hitched.

"I don't know Jungkook, I'm just really unsure," you admitted and leaned back in your seat to create some distance between you two. "My mind isn't clear right now but I highly doubt I would want to give you a chance."

"Really? You don't want me?" he bit his lip and glanced over at you. "How can I change your mind?" you stopped functioning when he reached over to press up against your thigh. His fingers travelled over to your inner thigh. He kept rubbing circles around there for a few minutes, hand drawing closer each time. Your cheeks grew crimson once you wrapped your mind around on how wet you become so quickly, and he barely even touched you what an embarrassment.

You were only getting aroused quickly because of how long your dry spell was. You haven’t being touched in so long that you craved it so much, no matter who it was with.

"What are you doing?" you hated how you felt so hot under his eyes at the moment. He brushed you aside until you repeated your question again.

"Nothing," his lips curved upwards. He faced forward, ignoring the fact that his hand was practically between your legs.

"Jungkook, stop that!" you hissed and whacked his hand away. He withdrew his hand from your inner thigh but still kept it at the top of your thigh. His thumb gently tracing circles into your skin.

"Bet you're fucking wet under that," he commented. You caught his stare, watching his eyes fixed on your cleavage. A smile forms across his face when he takes notice of how you're rubbing your thighs together. "Don't be scared, I'll go easy on you. You wearing those pink panties that I love on you?"

You knew what he was referring to. Leaving your laundry on your bed wasn't a good idea especially when an excited Jungkook was coming over to watch a new episode of You, but he didn't give you time to pick it up so your baby pink lace underwear was out on the sheets. "Shut up. I'm not going to let you do shit," you furiously crossed your arms over your chest. His eyes flickered back down to your breasts that were shoved up into a tighter position.

"Really? You say that but you're on the verge of asking me to touch you. I know it, Y/N," you bit your lip hard to avoid saying something. You heard him laugh. "It's okay, no one will notice, if you're a good slut and keep your mouth shut." Your eyes widened at his words.

You’ve never been called a degrading name in bed. With the two boyfriends you’ve been with, they always called you loving names that had gotten boring quick as well as their vanilla sex. Yet somehow it stirred you up at the thought of being called a slut, especially Jungkook calling you that.

But it was almost like a completely different Jungkook had surfaced. You knew he was some sort of sex god but didn't expect him to have such a dirty mouth. You decided to test the waters. A little fun wouldn’t hurt.

You spread your legs a little wider, inviting him to get closer. He stared into your eyes as you stared down at his hand. "Unbutton your pants," he demanded. Your eyes expanded even more at his words. You were just thinking of getting him eager not to do something here.

You looked around to see if anyone could see or hear you two but they were all facing forward and minding their own business. Your hands went to unbutton your pants, pushing your zipper down. "Open your legs," you did as you were told. "Wider, wider," your right leg rested on top of his muscular thigh. "You wet enough?" he asked, reaching down to your core. You shivered when his hand entered your underwear. He sinks his two fingers in and you whined. He took his fingers out, gazing on the glistening wetness on it.

"Dirty fucking slut," he murmured and dig his fingers back into you. You gripped his wrist harshly but encouraged him to add more fingers. He complied and proceeded to finger you in the back of the bus. "Never thought I would finger the girl of my dreams in the back of the bus," he chuckled as he heard you calling out his name. "You gotta be quiet if you don't wanna get caught." he teased softly. He pounded his fingers into you faster. His eyes laying upon your furrowed eyebrows and bitten lip. You began to nudge into his fingers, meeting him halfway with the movement of your hips. Your grip on his wrist tightened as he touched your clit with the tip of his finger. He snorted and proceeded to move against you, ignoring his hardness that was forming in his pants. You threw your head back and stared up at the ceiling. You bit your lip hard, almost drawing blood.

Jungkook clutched your knee, forcing you to open wider. You raked over the passengers in the seat, who are still unaware of you getting fingered at the back of the bus. You moaned into his hoodie. You let go of his wrist to hold his bicep. He looked down at you. He reached over to cup your face, bringing your lips to meet his. You’re taken back a little but nonetheless you open your mouth to tempt him to slid his mouth in. He fulfilled your craving. The two of you looked like random teenagers making out in the back but what they couldn't see was his fingers stuck up your wet core.

"Jesus fucking Christ," you said under your breath, pulling away from his redden lips. His fingers pounded brutally into you. He showed no sign of slowing down.

"You make a fucking noise and I swear to god I will take you on this bus full of people. I don't give a fuck, Y/N," your pussy quenched around him at that. Your wetness glimmered on his fingers.

"Oh my god, Jungkook, oh my god," you moaned against his neck. Hiding your face from him, you picked up the pace of your hips. "Uh—fuck, holy shit do that again," you referred to him touching your clit. He does that again. "Oh fuck," you whimpered when you felt an uneasy feeling building up within you. "I'm gonna fucking cum."

"Yeah? That fucking early? I knew your little pussy wouldn't be able to take it," Jungkook's lips formed a smirk. "And this is just with my fingers babe. Bet you can't handle my dick," you ignored him. You sobbed into his neck and leaned up to kiss him in efforts to silence your moans, cumming hard all over his fingers. It takes two minutes before you released Jungkook from the kiss. He drew his hand away from your skirt and made sure you were holding eye contact with him when he cleaned his fingers with his tongue.

You gulped. Reality finally hit you. You had let Jungkook finger you in the back of the bus. 

You pushed back against your seat and looked around to see if anyone was looking. Everyone on the bus was still unaware and you felt like you can breathe again. "Holy shit I can not believe we just did that," you brushed your hair back, somewhat disappointed at yourself for not stopping him.

Jungkook's smile surfaced. "I can't believe you just let me do that. Wanna return the favor?" he asks jokingly but watched your face to see if you were willing to suck him off. His hopes are put down when a frown appeared on your face and he could tell you wouldn't feel comfortable with that. "Joking babe."

"Don't call me that, please," you stressed. "This was a mistake, seriously don't ever speak of this with any of your friends. We're not going to speak of it either."

"I wasn't even going to," he muttered and looked away. "Funny how it's a mistake, Y/N, when you were over here telling me to keep going."

You fanned yourself, flapping your hand back and forth in front of your face. Jungkook looked at the layer of sweat near your hairline that glistened under the sunlight. "Stop, it was in the heat of the moment. It seriously was a mistake," he opened his mouth but you carried on. "Especially in the back of the bus, oh god, I'm really disappointed in myself," you zipped up your flare pants, not minding that your underwear is sticking to you.

"And I'm really disappointed in you too, for not giving me a chance," Jungkook said with knitted eyebrows. You sit away from him, making sure there was a good amount of space between the two of you. "Oh are you just going to ignore me now?" he isn't given a response, your tongue knotted together in your mouth. "So that's how it's gonna be now?"

You gathered your bag. The bus curving towards the upcoming bus stop. "This is my stop," you disclosed. He captured your forearm which quickly caught your attention.

"Don't be like this, Y/N." You shrug him off and walked out of the bus, leaving Jungkook and his gloomy thoughts behind.

"Shut up, stop playing with me!" Hayoon exclaimed, her eyes glimmered with interest as you filled her in on the day before. "You did not let Jungkook finger you on the back of the bus," she laughed out loud at her sentence, still not believing the words coming out of your mouth. You groaned and sunk your head back down on the table. "I mean gross, but hey, you're catching dick."

"I'm not catching dick, and stop saying it's gross it makes me even more disappointed in myself."

"I just don't understand how you can tell him you don't want him and tell him the reasons why and then let him finger you at the back of the bus?!" your face scrunched up at her words. "I seriously don't get it Y/N. It's like you're provoking the guy that's going after you and that's pretty fucked up. Play with his dick, not his emotions, oh wait—”

"I told him no multiple times."

"Then why the fuck would you let him finger you in the back of a bus?" Hayoon rubbed her temple before munching on a fry. "I think you do have a crush on him, you just don't want to date him because of all the girls he’s been with.”

You let her words settle in your mind for a moment, not even realizing that she held your hand in hers. "But baby, that's called the past. It's the least thing you got to worry about since you already know it. Take a risk, go out with him. He's ready to be in a serious relationship with you, he's been telling me this since Friday."

You sighed, lips forming a pout. "I don't know."

"Well make up your mind quick cause' he's coming this way," her words are rushed as she glanced over at Jungkook, who's heading over your way.

"What?!" you're just about to turn your head his direction when Hayoon grabbed your jaw.

"What are you doing you stupid bitch?! Don't look—okay, pretend like I'm not here, pretend like I'm not here!" she turned away from you and placed her earbuds in her ears.

"Wait does my hair look good?!" you caught her by the arm before she can leave.

"For who?"

You snapped her head towards Jungkook, who's already smiling at you. His black cap floated over his eyes as he dug his fingers into the pockets of his jogger pants. You coughed when you perceived that you were checking him out. "Um, no one. Just wanted to see if it's messy," you don't know why but your cheeks burned so hard, maybe at the fact that you know it is messy.

His hand came in contact with your head before he moved a strand of your hair that looked out of place before pushing your baby hairs down. You swatted his hands away, ignoring how your warm ears were tingling. "There, it's not that messy anymore. I brought something."

He sat down besides you. You eyes fluttered over to Hayoon. She spread a smirk out on her lips. While Jungkook continued finding the item he wanted to show you, something along the words that it was a jar. Her fist comes up besides her mouth, opening it slightly. Your cheeks become crimson when she began to push her left fist towards her mouth while her tongue kept knocking into her right cheek.

"Here," Jungkook placed a jar in front of you, the bright glittery letters mocking you. Swear Jar, it read at the front. "Every time you cuss, it's more money to my bank account."

Your lips loop downwards into a frown. Your eyebrows furrowed together in the progress. "Not fair, I told you I didn't want to be a sugar mama."

"Fine, this is both of our swear jar."

"Deal."

"Okay, now that that's out of the way, we can talk about yesterday," he put the glittery jar, he decorated last night for you, back in his backpack. A sudden weight pressed down on your shoulders at the thought of him bringing up what happened yesterday.

"Jesus Christ, what do you carry in there?" Hayoon added unintentionally and you're thankful for that. As much as she wanted to know about the encounter between the two of you, she also wanted to know what Jungkook carried in that big bag of his.

"Dildos."

"Wait, deadass?" she jumped up in her seat. I snorted at her, earning a glare. Jungkook's lips formed a line, specifying that he was joking. "Well fuck, it just looks like it's gonna break your back. Dude you know what that reminds me of?" she asked you. Your mind doesn't come across anything so you shook your head. "The Rosie girl? She was giving dildos out at this campus cause' she wanted to, quote, fight absurdity with absurdity. All over Twitter. Wish I could be there to get one."

Jungkook's eyes crinkled up as he laughed at her. The sound ringing through your ears, only to devaste you even more. "Can we talk about yesterday?" he leaned over and whispered to you.

You swore you felt his lips brushing against your ear. It stirred up your brain. "What about yesterday?" your hands started shaking and you hoped he didn't see how anxious you have become.

Luck wasn't on your side today however, his upcoming question boosting your anxiety even more. "Why are your hands shaking so much?" he grasped his bigger hand in yours.

You are quick to take it out of his. "We agreed that we wouldn't talk about what happened yesterday. It was a mistake I didn't—"

"No, you agreed that we wouldn't talk about it," his voice raised slightly to get your attention. Your mouth snapped shut. "We need to talk about it. How the fuck can you be playing with my feelings like this?" Hayoon whistled, mentally seeing eye to eye with Jungkook. "I want to have a chance with you, a shot at us. You give me all these mixed signals and then when I try to make a move on you, all of the sudden you act like a bitch Y/N."

"Well what do you want me to say? That I fucking like you back too?" you challenged and stood up from your chair. The students around you turned their heads over to you, watching the scene in front of them unfold. "How the fuck am I even playing with your feelings? I said I wanted to just be friends! I'm sorry that you're misinterpreted our friendship but that's not my problem!" you wished you could've shut your mouth but all you could see was red. Perhaps you were letting go of all the rage you’ve ever resented over him for the past months.

For ditching you to attend parties or being with other girls. For not always being there for you.

"What the fuck do you mean that's not my problem?!" he mimicked you, staring up at you. "You let me finger you and you expect me to believe that you just wanna be friends? Are you even listening to yourself?! You felt something back there."

Hayoon stepped in, walking over to the two of you. "Okay, I think you guys should just shut up," your eyes wandered around the room, where everyone was watching your interaction.

"Whatever," Jungkook's chair scraped the floor harshly as he pushed it back. He dug into his backpack before placing the jar in front of you. "You can keep that and this," he put down a package full of glittery hair pins, all different colors. Your heart wrenched as you watched him walk away, sullen. His steps are quick so he can take the attention off of him.

You turned the jar and saw that the top had words on it. Splattered in messy pink glitter, Sugar Mama's Swear Jar :D.

Jungkook was avoiding you. You could tell because he stopped coming after school to study with you, which was okay at first until you found yourself yearning for him.

It was stupid, really. After all that debate on how you two should just stay friends, you can't just tell him how much you miss him. That'll make you seem like an ass.

And trust me that's the last thing you want.

Your day was going bad, your professor yelled at you for not paying attention and put you in the spot, embarrassing you in front of the class. You were okay until a girl gave you a look of pity and you had a breakdown in the bathroom right after.

When you went to go meet up with Hayoon, it'll only got worse. She cancelled on you after forcing you to wait for her for thirty minutes. Just as you're leaving a group of middle schoolers thought it would be funny to step on a ketchup packet and let splatter everywhere, resulting in the back of your white top covered in dots of ketchup.

You swore you almost hit the kid who came up with it, even thought about running him over when you saw that the stains were everywhere and even in your hair.

After showering and getting the ketchup out of your hair, you went to work that ensued in you coming home with mascara practically running down your eyes, that were ready to pour out tears if something else happened to you, due to you wrongly mixing up orders and getting yelled out by a customer.

Now here you were, sitting on the living room floor with wet hair after taking another shower which mainly just involved you sitting on the tile floor and crying. You ate the Chinese takeout you have gotten during the way, ignoring the way people were staring at you, with sympathy.

It was the last thing you needed. Maybe karma was coming to get you for saying those things to Jungkook. But at this point all you wanted was some reassurance, a shoulder to cry on, someone to be there for you.

Jungkook.

You couldn't sleep. No matter how hard you tried you just couldn't. Hell, you even closed your eyes for a solid thirty minutes yet you were not able to drift off into slumber. Maybe it had to due with the weather? It was freezing, if you stepped a foot outside you would become an ice sculpture in an instant.

Or maybe, the most logical one compared to all the others, was Jungkook fingering you on the bus. You can't seem to get that scene off your mind. Your brain kept drifting over on how stunning he appeared, his dark eyes staring straight at yours as he watched your mouth form an O shape. He only ever broke eye contact when he snuck a look of how his fingers vanished into your pants.

Then your mind would stumble onto the memory of you yelling at him, telling him how his feelings for you were not your fault. You despised yourself at that moment. You sighed and laid back into your pillow, staring up into the ceiling. "I can't believe I am even having these types of thoughts," you slowly opened your legs while shutting your eyes. As long as you don't think about him, it'll be okay.

But you do. Sliding off your underwear, the first thing you thought about was Jungkook. His bunny smile rested on his face. You opened your eyes to get him off your mind and closed them again. You let out a gentle moan when you feel how wet you are.

He came back again. This time he settled right besides you on the bed. His hand is shoved between your legs. You moaned when he buried his head in your neck and kissed your skin there. "You like that, princess?"

You frowned immediately, he didn't call you any pet names. From what you can remember, he called you a degrading name.

"You like that dirty slut?" you mewled at him. He moved his fingers ceaselessly inside of you whilst breathing down your neck.

The sound of a zipper being undone makes your eyes crack open. You took a glimpse of Jungkook, his hand disappearing inside his jeans that displayed his muscular thighs.

You whined at him and he hovered on top of you. Your breathing got heavier as his cock sprung out of his jeans. "Oh god," you moaned as he slid himself inside of you so effortlessly. Your hands moved quicker inside of you. Feeling your wetness spill out of you and onto the mattress underneath you, you imagined him pounding into you. Your hands clamped on his long hair with your legs in the air as his hips furiously snapping into you.

It doesn't take you long to cum, given the fact at Jungkook's pace it seemed like he wasn't going to stop. He disappeared, leaving you sweaty and tired on the bed with your fingers stuck inside you. "Holy shit, I can not believe I just did that.

Recalling your words that were thrown at Jungkook, a heavy weight on your shoulder returned heavier as ever, reminding you how you practically lost your shot with him.

Shame on you for not giving Jeon Jungkook a chance.

"I think I was too harsh on him."

"You think? Don't lie to me bitch, you know you were fucking harsh on him," Hayoon stood in the middle of your room, scanning your closet for a dress she can wear to a party.

It was almost three days since your argument with Jungkook in front of everyone. You expected to make up with him on Thursday but Jungkook avoided you like you were the plague. He didn't text you for any notes he needed to borrow, nor did he usually come to study with you or leave you a sandwich. You never realized how apart of your life he became, especially when he didn't sit next to you for one of your shared classes. Instead, he chose to sit next to Taehyung, his best friend. It was Friday now and to be quite honest, you missed him.

"Don't trip about it. He could be at the party tonight, getting over you and possibly getting himself a girlfriend so you don't have to worry about him pinning over you. Now what the fuck should I wear?"

You didn't like the sound of that. Jungkook possibly finding another girl. Your consciousness settled back in your mind. How can you even say shit like that? You rejected him, you have no right to tell him not to move on. You sighed to yourself and laid back into the bed. "Maybe I shouldn't go. I don't wanna see him."

"I don't wanna see him." she dragged the straps of your orange dress up her figure. "Shut up because on Wednesday you kept asking why he wouldn't talk to you, like bitch I wouldn't talk to you either with that shit you pulled back there."

"Why not?"

"You're not serious right?" she turned back to you. She raised her eyebrow, challenging you. You groaned and followed her out of the room when she didn't receive an answer. "That's what I thought," you heard her under her breath.

"Not gonna lie, I think I'm gonna break my ankle with these bitches," you pointed down at your high heels, slowing down. You stopped to fix them. Hayoon carried on walking to her car, leaving you behind.

"You wanted to wear them. Now get in," she honked her horn. You hissed at her, reminding her that the neighbors are going to complain. "Don't give a fuck, get in loser we're going to party!" she honked her horn longer.

You ran to her car when you realized she wasn't going to stop. "You need the swear jar, you stupid bitch."

"Not even," before you could say something back, her music blasts through the car. She screamed out the lyrics, encouraging you to join along. "In your eyes! You lie but I don't let it define you—oh define you!"

"You sound like a dying cat."

"I tried to find—fuck you then."

Along the way you started to wonder how she even got her driver's license. Hayoon almost went on the sidewalk when she was tried to park which forced you to get out of the car and direct her.

"Keep going, keep going."

"Fuck, bitch you sure? I don't want another ticket for being on the red line," her head stuck out to make sure she wasn't going to hit the car behind her.

"Yes I'm sure—okay stop!" Hayoon shuts off the engine, stumbling out of the car. She laughed to herself before walking up to the fraternity house with you. "Okay, I forgot what it was like coming here."

The first smell that filled your nostrils was vomit. You glanced down towards the ground and saw a distraught girl on the front lawn throwing up while her friend rubbed her back. Hayoon advised you not to look, to give the poor girl some pity. Reluctantly, you entered the house with a clumsy walk. Hayoon noticed and suggested that you go have a drink. You at first declined but once your eyes scanned the room and landed on Jungkook leaning against a wall with a redhead clinging onto him. You made your way to the open kitchen. Unknown to you, jealousy boiled in your stomach.

So that's how you end up on your first shot of a tequila with a cup of vodka already resting in your liver. You weren't drunk, still you were not far from being tipsy. Conscious enough to see that Jungkook's eyes were on you while you downed the shot. Eyes focused on your throat as you swallowed. He exhaled, watching you pull out your phone and tap away. The red head girl right besides him, tried calling his name out to hook his attention. He brushed her off, muttering something to her that he didn't sleep around anymore.

His frustration grew even more when he saw you wandering over to the middle of the room where sweaty bodies were grinding on each other. Your flimsy black silky dress was not doing him justice either, seeing how tight it was on your figure. It showed off your curves well; he hated how good you looked. There was a big opening in the back that stopped near your hips. Should be a crime to look that good, he thought to himself while trying to keep his eyes on you.

Your hips swayed to the music blasting throughout the house. You opened your eyes, landing on Jungkook immediately. His eyes devouring you as he took a sip of his beer, eyes locked on your hips. You tried not to look at him again but still wondered what was going in that mind of his. You raised your hands up in the air, dress threatening to rise up.

Your curiosity got the best of you. Squinting one eye open to take a peek of Jungkook but you failed to locate him.

A gasp left your mouth as someone pressed their front on your back, rubbing their crotch on your ass. A whiff of the sweet scented Victoria Secret perfume gave the identity away. You tilted your head so that it laid on his chest. Confirming your thought, Jungkook stared down at you with dark eyes. His arm muffled around your waist to press you further into his chest. He felt his body go ease when he saw your lips bunch up into a smile. Your hips rocked from side to side on him. Jungkook held his hand on your waist, encouraging you to continue. You willingly do so arms flinging on his neck as you dragged yourself down his chest. His growing bulge poked your ass as you grind yourself on him. Your head laid back on him. Jungkook leaned down to meet your lips. His mouth entwined with yours, lip gloss rubbing off onto his mouth. You moaned into his mouth and sensed that his hand was harshly holding one of your ass cheeks.

"You wanna go upstairs?" He was somewhat taken back at your suggestion but agreed nonetheless. With his fingers keeping a firm grip on yours, the two of you went upstairs.

He guided you towards the room, which all winded up preoccupied due to freshman trying to lose their virginities. You cringed when you come face to face with someone's bare ass pushing against the lanky girl. Jungkook pushed you into the bathroom, telling a man to fuck off when he tried getting in.

"Hey," you glanced up from the floor onto Jungkook's eyes. He offered you a small awkward smile, warming your heart as if he wasn't rubbing his dick on your ass a few minutes ago.

"Hi," your voice sounded very small and Jungkook wanted to reach out and reassure you that he only came up to you to apologize, not to have you grind on him in the middle of the room. "I'm sorry," you began, eyes fixed to the ground. "Everything I said on that day was really fucked up. I care about your feelings. I care about you and I was giving you mixed signals and it's not okay."

"I'll be fine," his hand held your arm, rubbing it slightly. "It's okay if you don't return my feelings, I'll get over it—"

"But that's the thing I don't want you to get over it."

Jungkook blinked once, twice, and then another third time. Trying to comprehend your words while also trying to figure out what he was going to say was hard.

Your glossy lips moved. "I'm really willing to give you a chance and I'm so sorry for being such a cunt about it. I just—I needed some realization to understand my feelings. Truth is I've had a crush on you, but every time I saw you with these girls I always told myself I'm not good enough for you and that I'll never be. I’m also mad at the fact that you’re barely realizing your feelings towards me just now.”

He doesn't say anything which doesn't help your anxious state at the moment. Your gut scolded you, reminding you that you probably lost your chance and now you look like an idiot to him right now, confessing your feelings.

Jungkook sighed before embracing you. You stand still in shock from his sudden movements but chose to hug him back. His chin dropped down onto your head. "You're good enough for me, Y/N. You always have been and I'm sorry that it took me all these years for me to realize that."

"I couldn't stop thinking of you and all the shit I said. I'm really sorry from the bottom of my heart," you admitted.

His bulge pushed against you and your cheeks flushed warm. Jungkook didn't say anything but bent down to kiss you. His lips moved roughly against yours. Your fingers coming up towards his hair to run through them. His hands digging harshly into your ass, possibly leaving small bruises behind but you're unbothered by it.

You pulled away, enough to stare up at his eyes. "I seriously couldn't stop thinking about you. I fucking masturbated to you, just by thinking of the bus shit," you confessed, watching his face lit up in surprise.

"Yeah? What was going on in that head of yours?" he encouraged you. You giggled at him, his thigh coming between your thighs.

"Your fingers in my pussy," your cheeks burned pink as he coaxed you to go on. "Your big dick pounding in me."

The look on his face is priceless but it just stayed there for a mere second as Jungkook recollected himself. He couldn't believe what was coming out of your mouth, never in a million years would he ever imagine you of all people saying this. The warmth travelled towards his crotch as he hardened at your words. His friend of seven years, his crush for almost two years was here in front of him, revealing that she touched herself to the thought of him. A blissful comfort spread all over his body.

"Don't you want that to happen?" he didn't even realize how close you were, he was too caught up in his thoughts. "You don't want to fuck my brains out?"

Your thighs closed around his thick ones. You reached up to kiss his neck, pecking his soft skin. Jungkook grunted as you left open mouth kisses behind, gripping his hand and directing it near your hips.

"I can't do it here," Jungkook whispered to you once he grasped the circumstances. In a fraternity bathroom with people out there that can possibly hear you two? Jungkook would never allow himself to touch you here the first time you two have sex. You whined against him, rubbing your crotch on his thigh. "Shit, seriously Y/N? You're making this hard for me."

"What your dick? Why? I don't care where we do it. I just—I need it to happen—come on Jungkook fuck me," if your mind wasn't clouded by lust you would been very disappointed at yourself for what you were saying, but you could care less. He closed his eyes and tilted his head towards the ceiling. He was fighting with himself.

The only sound in the bathroom was the loud heavy bass music playing and the two of you heavily breathing. "Do you want me to go find another guy out there that can do the job for you or what?" you tried riling him up and it worked cause Jungkook was staring at you with dark hooded eyes. "Cause' I could walk out there and take any guy home with me do you want that?" you both know deep down you wouldn’t be able to do that. You’re too shy.

Jungkook came across as if something possessed him suddenly. His hair falling over his eyes slightly. His tongue came out of his mouth to moisten his lips. "Get on your fucking knees," Jungkook snapped, a hand going back to get tangled in your hair. You dropped down to the ground. "I wanna see your pretty tits," you pulled down the straps of your dress and got rid of your strapless bra, throwing it aside. "Well aren't you a desperate cock sucking whore?" you whined at him with your dress bunched up around your waist. "What don't tell me you like being called that?" he chuckled. Your cheeks flushed in humiliation.

You reached over to unzip his jeans. He merely let out a chuckle, extremely satisfied with your avidity. As you rolled down his boxers, his hand wrapped around your hair. "Look up at me, whore," your eyes jerked up to him. "Open your mouth," you gulped at the size, wondering if it was even going to fit in your poor mouth. He teased, rubbing the head of his cock on your lips when you did. Your jaw ached as you tried opening as wide as you can to please him. You looked up at him as he slid his cock in your mouth. He groaned, loving the warmth and wetness of your mouth surrounding him. He maintained the eye contact between you two whilst he carried on shoving his dick in your throat. You moaned and moved back once it hit your throat. But before you can, he gripped the back of your hair firmly and thrusted his hips forward. You gagged around him, tears brewing and ready to burst out. You extended your hands out to his thighs. He held your head in place, his cock shoving down your throat at an animalistic speed. "What a good little slut," he eventually praised you. "Letting me fuck her throat hard and shit," you shut your eyes.

You regret doing so. Feeling a tug to your hair, your eyes snap open and look up. "You get praised like a good bitch once and you think you can be a bad girl? I don't think so, whore," he stared straight into your eyes with his dark orbs devouring you. Your drool slithering down your chin. You peer up at him with desperation written all over your face. Your fingers glided down to your dress. You kept your gaze on him when your fingers entered your pussy, feeling how wet you are. "Are you seriously touching yourself?" he sounded thrilled at the idea. Jungkook stopped moving for a second, allowing you to suck on the head of his cock. He watched mascara run down your cheeks, feeling some sort of ego boost that he was making you look this way.

You nodded frantically, moving your fingers faster. You sucked him harder, your jaw throbbing as you attempted to deep throat him. He forced your head deeper so that your nose was touching his pubic hair. "I didn't give you permission, disobedient slut. You got three seconds to finish," he finished with a sullen laugh, knowing you weren't. "One, two–" Jungkook watched your eyes become watery as you hopelessly tried to get yourself to cum in just three seconds. "—three, take your fingers out whore."

You obeyed and showed him your fingers, glittering under the bathroom light, even though on the inside you were begging to be touched again. You thought of going against him. Jungkook let a cackle escape from his mouth. "Fuck, you're so fucking wet I bet you're fucking leaking out onto the floor."

You mewled, bobbing your head up and down. Releasing his cock out of your mouth with a lewd pop, you batted your eyelashes up at him. "I'm so fucking wet for you," he flashed you a quick grin, obviously content with your answer. He brought your fingers up to his mouth, sucking them off while maintaining eye contact with you. His tongue swirled around your finger as you repeat the same motion on his cock. He released your finger.

"You can use your hands," you pull away right after he said that. You pumped him rapidly, your hand moving back and forth. Your ears took in his grunts, feeling some pride for causing him to make those noises. He almost came when he felt your warm, wet mouth around one of his balls.

"I want you to cum on my tits." he agreed, staring down at you. Tension builds within his stomach as he groaned out loud. You gaped at him when his cum shoots towards your neck, aiming towards your breasts.

Jungkook's breathing became heavier as he came back down from his blissful state that he was in. He grew hard in a instant when he saw how fucked you looked. Your mascara running down your eyes, leaving a trail of black ink behind. Your hair was tangled together into a mess due to him gripping it so tightly. With saliva dripping down your red swollen smeared lips, his eyes drifted further down. The straps of the dress you were wearing were rolled out into your stomach, exhibiting your perky breasts that are smeared with his cum.

"You look like a fucked whore," he smiled at you with satisfaction resting in his mind.

You giggled at him, tucking your hair behind your ear. "Yeah, not just for you," you gazed up at him, a small smile on your lips.

He helped you get off the floor. His facial expression is now serious, indicating that he wasn't happy with your answer. Jungkook's fingers tapped the cold surface of the sink, indicating to sit down on it. You do so, opening your legs slowly.

He watched, eyes strictly locked in between your legs. "Who are you so wet for?" he asked.

You snorted and shrugged which only grew him more frustrated.

Jungkook growled and flipped you over. He bended you over the bathroom sink and bore his eyes into you by the mirror. "You wanna keep acting like a slut, you're might as well be fucked like one," you silently squealed in excitement. Jungkook lifted your dress up in one go. He pulled your underwear down, making you step out of them. "Put your leg on the counter," he commanded and you do as you're told. Lifting your right leg on the counter while the other one remained on the ground. You heard him frantically pull down his jeans. You gasped when you feel the tip on your entrance. He reached over for the condom on the counter.

"No!" you exclaimed. Jungkook stopped and looked down at your worriedly, wondering if you wanted to stop now. You gulped, feeling your cheeks burned in embarrassment. "Don't use one please." you whined. "I want to feel you raw."

You heard Jungkook chuckle from behind you. He felt like he was on cloud nine, he was fucking thriving. "Yeah? My fucking slut wants me to do her raw?" he started pushing himself. You held your breath as your walls allowed him to enter, tightening around his big shaft. His cock rimmed inside of you

"Y-yeah," you manage to choke out, staring at him through the mirror. He maintained eye contact to where your bodies connected, watching his cock sink into you as he held your hips in place. 

"Has any other guy fucked you raw, slut?" Jungkook brought his hand around your throat. You sensed that you could orgasm right there. You shook your head as he finally is inside of you fully. "What was that? Use your words, come on you're a big girl," he gripped your inner right thigh with so much strength, he could break it off if he tried. I mean those biceps.

"N-no only you. Just for you," he grinned at that.

"Good," you let out a loud moan when he started finally moving. His hips rutted into yours at an animalistic speed. He stared at you through the mirror, watching how your mouth opens and your breasts jiggle. He pressed your throat a little harder. "Bet no guy ever made you feel this way."

"Only you, Jungkook! Only you!" you manage to breath out. Your knuckles are almost white by how hard you're holding onto the counter. He lowers himself so his face is near your ear.

"Yeah? Look at you, telling me how I'll never have you yet you're over here drooling over my dick. Fucking whore." you whined harder as he breathed down your neck. You feel yourself began getting more wetter at his words. "Imagine what your family and friends will say when they find out you're letting me fuck you in the ass in a dirty bathroom at a frat party."

You shut your eyes, your pussy swallowing him back in. His hand squeezed your throat a little tighter. "Fucking slut," he snapped his hips at you. You moaned out loud, shamelessly. "On the dance floor dancing like one."

"Because I am one," he chuckled at that, fingers coming up to pinch your nipple.

"Yeah? Who do you belong to? Whose slut are you?" the grip on your throat tightened, not enough to block your airway however. Jungkook kept his eye on you through the mirror, your lips molding into an oval shape. His palm came down to meet one of your asscheeks. You jumped forward, Jungkook pulling you back onto his cock. He stopped moving to lock eyes with you through the mirror, his lips hovering over your ear. "When I ask you a question, I expect a fucking answer," you tried to move your hips a bit but he caught you before you can. "Now," his voice deepened. "Whose slut are you?"

"Your slut! I'm your slut! Jungkook, please—"

"Yeah? Scream when I fuck you so that everyone knows who your pussy belongs to," his hips rammed into you again. You swore you can feel him fucking into your cervix. You let a loud moan break free from your mouth, his hot breath fanned your ear.

A roaring pounding on the door snapped his head away. You whimpered and become aware that his pace was reducing as his attention was now on the other man trying to get in. Jungkook yelled out words that sounded fuzzy to your ears considering all you could hear is your heartbeat.

"No, no, Jungkook don't stop," you pleaded with him, twisting yourself to look at his lust filled eyes. "I'm almost there please!"

You almost screamed at him when he pulled out. He sat on the toilet lid, tapping his thighs that were spread out in front of him. "Ride me," he demanded. You're somehow quick on your wobbly legs, getting on top of him. You grasped his swollen red cock, lining it up with your entrance before sinking down.

Jungkook's hand went towards your hip to support you while the other one went further down to touch your swollen clit. His mouth came near your ear as you cried out his name. "If you don't come in the next minute, you're not cumming tonight, got it slut?" you panted but nonetheless nodded frantically.

And with that Jungkook sat back, watching you fuck yourself on his cock, you were basically using him as a toy and Jungkook loved that. The desperation look on your face was amusing and Jungkook stored in in his memories.

"Oh shit! Fuck I'm almost there," his palm travelled further down to rub your ass.

"Time's almost up," he wasn't actually keeping track but your determination to cum on such a short amount of time was adorable to him. Your thighs smacked his, bouncing on his cock faster. Jungkook's finger carried on rubbing against your clit, his eyes trailing down from your face to your bouncing breasts.

Your eyes rolled back as you heaved up. Your mouth opened wide, feeling your orgasm wash over you. Jungkook heard his name leave your mouth, panting. He almost came when he felt something warm soak into his jeans. Looking down, he became aware of what just happened.

"Fucking dirty slut," he hissed and allowed you to relax your head on his shoulder as your whole weight sunk down on him. His ears took in your sniffles. "Look what you did, squirted all over me slut."

Your cheeks burned in humiliation, nuzzling your nose into his shoulder.

You gasped when he lifted his hips up to meet yours. You cried out to him to stop but Jungkook's quick to silence you with his fingers stuffed in your mouth. Your tears threatened to spill. "You're so tight, fuck! Need to fuck you more, whore,"

It doesn't take long for him to sprout into you, judging the way you tightened around him and how fucked your face look when he looked down to meet your eyes. With his cum coating your walls, he slid out of you. A bit of cum came out and dropped down to his black pants leaving a white stain behind.

You attempted to stand out on your own but failed due to you not being able to feel your legs for a second. Luckily, Jungkook is there to help you. He bent down to help you put on your underwear.

"Are you on birth control?" he asked while zipping up his pants. You checked your face in the mirror, noticing the hickeys all over your neck and the mascara smothered down your cheeks.

You turned to look at him, pulling your dress down."Are you really asking me after we just had sex? Where's my bra by the way?" your face is met with your bra when he flung it at you.

He laughed, watching you put it on. "Yeah, seriously though are you?"

"Why? If I'm going to be your sugar mama I might as well be your baby mama." Jungkook looked stricken and you snickered, bringing your hand up to hide your mouth. "I'm joking," you wiped your face with some wet wipes you found in the drawers.

"Not funny, was ready to fucking make a run for it."

It was your turn to look stricken as Jungkook laughed. You frowned and slapped his chest.

It goes quiet, the loud bass music now coming back to fill your ears instead of Jungkook's moans. He stood awkwardly near the corner while you threw away the wipes you used to remove your makeup. Running your fingers through your hair, you turned towards him.

"So, does this mean that you're going to give me a chance?" the man in front of you standing like an anime character asked, as if he wasn't calling you degrading names a few minutes ago.

You smiled at him and lunged forward to kiss him. "Yes, I'll give you a chance Jungkook."

↳ in your heart; drabble collection

[pyaarii]

Oral Sadism and Literary Arguments

A/N : Ok, so, like enemies to lovers???? slow burn??? literature??? fuck me.

/ Masterlist /

Pairing: Jason Todd x Reader (College AU)

Word Count: 6k

Summary: There’s probably only one thing worse than chauvinist literature, and that’s the sardonic boy who sits two rows behind in Lit class with his torn paperbacks and ineffable aversion.

“Well, I actually disagree with you,”

If you didn’t have that much self-control, you would’ve snapped the pencil you were holding in half, as you heard a deep voice speak up behind you, and before you could retort, Professor Gordon spoke,

“And why’s that Jason?”

“I think Bukowski was trying to present how men will hide their inner thoughts and feelings, really their sensitivity in that aggression as an attempt at protection.” Jason spoke up, his voice boiling your blood as the rest of the class stayed in relative silence, as you turned around to look at him as he stared directly at you,

“I’m sorry, protection? What part about misogyny and blatant objectification of women as only being sexual objects that can be discarded and picked up when he pleases passes as protection? Women that are empty and uncharacterised to the extent the reader begins to agree with Chinaski that yes, women are less. Women are not important. And women don’t require compassion and consent, what part of any of this reminds you about goddamn male – “

“All right, I think that’s enough for today.” Gordon interrupted your heated rant with a sigh, which you share and quickly turn around close your eyes to try and avoid the weight of Jason’s stare as Gordon begins to dismiss the class.

“All right everyone, I hope you took something useful from that discussion, though I’m not sure if you would classify that as a discussion,” He added sarcastically, before continuing, “I expect you all to have brief outlines planned out for next week, and please try to work as collaboratively as you can with your partner to do so.”

The last part was directed at you and Jason – though neither of you payed proper attention – while the rest of the class let out small snickers.

“Right then, class dismissed, and uh, you two, could you both please stay behind for a minute.”

Fucking great. You thought to yourself, even though Gordon didn’t specify both you and Jason, his tired expression tells you otherwise and you start collecting your notes and pens into your bag in a silent fury and made your way to the front of the class, where Gordon was leaning against his oak desk, watching both of you stand in front of him – not casting a single glance towards the other as you waited for him to speak. He sighs,

“I don’t think you both understand how frustrating it is when your top students both have it out for each other and can’t hold a single civil discussion before arguing like little children,” He begins, becoming more wary as he continues, “Which is why I paired you up for this assignment and I fully expect you both to work together, and I hope I can expect that from you?”

He looked at both of you with an expectant look, and Jason only nodded curtly as a response, and you did the same but decided to chirp in,

“That’s great that you think we’ll be able to work together, sir, but on a totally unrelated note, how would my grade be impacted if my partner was suddenly mauled by a car over the weekend and was unable to complete the project with me?” You spoke, voice deadpanning, as your professor barely restrained in a smile while Jason looked at you with an empty expression.

“I would say that would be a fail as you missed the premises of ‘working with a partner’, as well as some serious legal consequences.” He replied, somehow maintaining a serious look as he spoke.

“That’s great to know sir.” You spoke, nodding along before he dismisses you both, leading you to quickly walk out of the classroom, breathing out a sigh of relief as you see Barbara leaning against the wall, busy on her phone, waiting for you to come out.

“What took you so long,” She asks as soon as she hears your sigh, pocketing her phone, and linking her arm with yours,

“I swear to God, one day, I might as well skin him – “

“Look, if I had known before that you could be so dramatic, I would’ve told you to choose drama as your major.”

“Ha. So funny. It’s just – fuck him.” You say the last part under your breath as you turned around to see nobody in the empty hallway.

“You two are really something else.” She states, making you roll your eyes.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It’s supposed to mean that you and Jason are really annoying. And petty.”

“Well, he’s the one that needs to contradict and compete against every single fucking thing I say, every single fucking time! It’s really fucking annoying,” Barbara only rolls her eyes in amusement. “And Gordon paired us up together for this project, and, God, I just can’t do anything with him without wanting to punch him in his stupid face.”

“I know, and that’s exactly why Gordon paired you both up, he really likes you both and he wants you both to stop having this weird rivalry between each other.”

“Wait. You knew?”

“Well yeah. I’m his daughter.”

“Well, why didn’t you tell me then?”

“Because I like seeing you suffer.”

“You know, you’re a terrible friend.”

“Thank you,” She replies, with a small laugh, before she links her arm with yours again and whips out her phone to frantically shoot another text as she lets out a deep sigh. “Where is Steph? She took my car this morning and said she’d pick us up.”

“You let her drive your Bentley?” You ask, surprised she would give Stephanie one of her most prized possessions.

“Yeah, I know,” She spoke, absorbed in her phone, “But, she promised me that she would keep it safe, and we all know that I will kill her if something happens to it.”

“I do.” You reply, a small laugh escaping your lips before a blue Bentley pulled up in front of you both, causing Barbara to quickly pull open the door and shuffle inside, leaving you to chuckle to yourself before making your way to the back seat of the car, the blaring music making you wince as you enter the car but Babs quickly turns it off as both of you settle in.

“See! Your car is perfectly fine, just like I told you it would be!” Steph smugly announced, her blonde curls bouncing wildly as Barbara stared at her unimpressed, before both of them fall into their routine bickering as, this time, Babs begins to criticise her driving and apparent ‘mishandling of the most precious thing to me’, while you only roll your eyes at their antics before pulling out your phone to scroll through the messages you’ve missed throughout the day.

“Hey,” Steph’s voice shakes you out of your thoughts as you meet her eyes through the rear-view mirror, “What’s up with you today?”, her seemingly innocent question provokes a snicker from Babs – to which she receives a smack on the shoulder from you.

“What?” Steph inquires further.

“Nothing, why don’t you ask miss ‘I-fucking-hate-Jason-Todd’ here.”

“Fuck off, Barbara.” You grit out, glaring at her through the rear-view mirror.

“God, both you and Jason actually act like children,” Stephanie chimes in, “You’re both almost the same but you both compete against each other against every little thing – “.

“Are we done talking about Todd?” You retort, ignoring Steph’s comment, “I have better things to do than think about him.”

“Mhmm, sure.” Barbara winks at you and it takes a lot for you not to launch at her right there, in the car but Steph draws your attention away by babbling about some boy she met in her criminology class and the conversation in the car gradually fizzles out, until Steph asks,

“You guys heard about the party this weekend, right,” A matching ‘yes’ from you and Babs prompts her to continue, “Well, you’re going then, right?”

“I don’t know, but why’re you so pressed about it?” Bars questions, with a raised eyebrow.

“No reason, I’m just curious.”

“It’s Tim, isn’t it?” This time, you pipe in, and Steph almost yells,

“No. No, it’s not!”

“Oh my god. Of course it is.” Babs laugh echoes with yours as you eye Steph in the rear-view mirror, to see a blush dusting her cheeks as she quiets down.

“Whatever, are you coming or not.”

“After this conversation, yeah I am.”

“God. I hate you both.”

Standing in the corner of the party, nursing a red solo cup of something that burns your throat when you drink it, you regret not saying anything in the car against attending this party.

You’re currently standing alone, both Steph and Babs have completely disappeared into crowd, as Dick had shown up and quickly whisked her away as soon as you all entered the apartment, whereas Steph has promised to get you a drink about twenty minutes ago but never came back and as you try to block out the reverberating EDM music blasting through the room, you make your way towards the kitchen to re-fill your cup (the one that you went and got yourself), before something catches your attention in the peripheral vision.

It’s a wispy haired girl, her eyes smudged with mascara, backed against the wall of the kitchen – away from the main crowd, you could pick from her body language a sense of uncomfortability as she was drunkenly shaking her head at a man who towered in front of her, making you stop in your tracks to watch the scene unfold right in front of you, before quickly changing your course towards their direction, already knowing the identity of the man in front of the girl, without seeing his face.

“Hey, Cyrus, get the fuck away from her!”

As soon as you reach them, and the words leave your mouth, another raucous voice speaks at the same time as you.

“What the fuck are you doing?”

Cyrus and the girl in front of him stop at their hushed conversation, to look away from each other and face you both while you also look at Jason – with a shocked expression – standing next to you and before you can say anything, Cyrus lets go of his hold on the girl before turning to glare at you.

“I don’t see how any of this is any of your business?”

You restrain yourself from physically hurling at him and fist your hands at your sides before looking at him with an unimpressed look.

“I don’t see how any of this is your business either, Beck? Thought daddy said that he’ll pull you out of school if he had to deal with your stupid behaviour again, or did you forget about it?”

“I swear to god – “

He tries to step closer to you but Jason steps in front of you before he can do anything else, and mutters,

“How about you fucking walk away before something worse happens?”

Beck shrugs of Jason’s hold on him before walking away and pointing a finger at you.

“You’re such a fucking bitch, you know that?”

“Should’ve said that to your daddy when he said I was best fucking person he’s ever met.”

He looks at you wildly and is about to retort before one of his friends pulls his attention to a game of beer-pong happening in another corner of the party and the whole scene stops for a second. You watch with a held breath as within a fraction of a second, a cocky smile overtakes his face and his shoulders relax as he runs his hands through his dark hair, leaving with his friend and you quickly turn around to see the girl, still standing there, her arms wrapped around her body and a shocked expression on her face.

It takes you a second, but you manage to gently coax her to the hallway outside the apartment and Jason (unbeknownst to you) follows in your footsteps.

“Do you want me to call you a cab, or can I drop you off?”

She shakes her head and is about to say something before Jason interjects,

“I can take her home.”

Both you and the girl turn around and stare at him and you quickly shake your head, diverting your gaze away from him,

“It’s fine Todd, I’ve got this.”

He sighs.

“Will you just let me help her?”

“Well, I’ve already told you that I’ve got this under control, so I don’t see why you’re being so – “

“Oh - uh, you don’t have to worry about me, I can uh – go home myself.”

“No. I – uh mean, let us take you home just to make sure that everything will be okay.”

A meek smile overtakes her face as you squeeze her hand lightly and you offer a half-smile in return.

“Us?” Jason’s voice perks up and you turn around,

“Well, I don’t have a car. If you want, I can come with you and drop her off at her place but – “

“Yeah, sure. Come on.”

His voice is clipped as he moves past you both, turning around the end of the hallway, leading you both to quickly follow him as well.

“Wait. I never asked you for your name.” You gently rest place your hand on her shoulder, making her stop and quietly giving her name,

“It’s Anna.”

...

By the time you’ve left Anna’s apartment complex, the small talk in the car dwindles down as you both sit, unnerved in the dimmed light of the car, the silence suffocatingly awkward. It doesn’t change until he pulls up to the curb, facing the entrance to your apartment building.

“Thanks.”

It’s quiet enough that you didn’t expect that he’d actually hear you. Let alone, grab your wrist before you leave, an incredulous expression on his shadowy face.

“Thanks? That’s it. You’re not going to say anything about what’s just happened?”

“Well, what the fuck do you want me to say.”

“I don’t know.”

“Well neither do I. Look. Thanks for dropping me off and Anna. That’s it. I don’t have anything else to say to you.”

He doesn’t say anything and let’s go of his hold on your wrist before you quickly slip out of the car, not realising the force at which you push, slams the door shut, making you internally wince. But in your peripheral vision, you can see he doesn’t look at you, with his face staring forward and grip tight on the wheel.

His car’s gone further and turned the corner before you’ve even made it to the entrance doors, and you breath in the cold October air, letting the wind whip across your bare skin, goosebumps rising while standing in a pathetically insulating satin dress, your thoughts pummeling through your mind without fully understanding them and you sigh again.

“What did you say to him after that?”

“Babs, I’m already – “

You stop midway through your hushed conversation with Barbara to see a disheveled Jason noisily weave his way through the shelves, towards the table at the back of the library you had occupied with Barbara.

“Sorry, I – “

“If you weren’t really going to care about this assignment, you should’ve said something before showing up thirty minutes late.” You deadpan, voice steely and brows furrowed.

“Will you fucking listen to me?” he breathlessly cuts you off from saying anything else as he drops his books on the table.

“I’ll head out now.” Barbara mutters to you, squeezing your arm and slinging her bag over her shoulder before quietly slipping out of sight. You rested your chin in your propped arm, waiting for Jason to continue,

“Well, what’s your excuse?”

“I don’t have an excuse. I was caught up in call with my father, it ended up being longer than I expected.”

You stare at him for a moment, his eyebrows also furrowed and hair sticking in all directions as he breathes heavily.

“Whatever, just complete the outline of notes I made for you.” You replied, pushing pieces of sticky notes and highlighted papers, that you had been picking at for the past half hour, towards his direction.

In about fifteen minutes, you’re both working in relative silence apart from the occasional remarks on the thesis and clarification on handwritings. There’s also been the perpetual looks on Jason’s part, and regardless of how much you try to block them, it itches at you to confront him about his irritating tendency.

“What Jason? What do you want now?”

His expression is firstly, taken aback, and then he coughs before asking,

“Did you ever talk to the girl after the party?”

You nod slowly, eyes still trained on the table, curving letters on colour-coded sticky notes before replying,

“Yeah, Stephanie’s their R.A, so I went and checked up on them the day after the party, she’s doing fine.”

You think that’s the end of his curiosity, but the pit of anxiety in your stomach and his next question, makes you internally want to bang your head against the alder wood table.

“And, uh, what about Beck?

Now, you stop writing with your pen and look up at him instead, resting your chin on your propped hand again, with a bored expression splayed on your face to try and detract from the internal anxiety, for both yourself and him.

“What about him?”

He doesn’t say anything at first and for a moment you think he might snap like he did in the car a few nights ago, but he only closes his eyes in frustration as you cock your head to one side.

“If you’re wondering if he’s going to face consequences for what he does – then no.”

There’s no verbal response except for a quizzical expression and you almost roll your eyes at him.

“I swear to God Jason, do you live under a fucking rock?”

“I just – look if you’re gonna be a bitch about it, then fucking leave it.”

“Maybe if you’d like to stop yelling in the goddamn library, I can fucking say something.” You almost hiss at him, voice seething as you both glare at each other.

“Anyways, you probably know that Beck’s the son of the headmaster, yeah, yeah, anyways, he’s always been a fucking creep around parties, but he’s never like you know, ever gotten that far.”

Jason raises an eyebrow at your hushed whispers.

“Like, he just trails around parties looking to either fight someone or just annoy them the fuck out but usually someone stops him before he can do something worse. But, still doesn’t mean that he isn’t a fucking asshole anyways – and his dad and him have like the worst fucking relationship ever, he’s threatened to pull him out a bunch of times of school because he’s so shit.”

You lower your voice even further at the last past, that you’re not sure if he can even hear you.

“How do you know all this?”

You shake your head and trail your eyes back to the unfinished notes in front of you.

“That’s unimportant. He’s a whiny trust-fund brat and I don’t know why someone hasn’t punched him yet.”

That silences Jason for a moment. And the moment doesn’t last long before your phone’s alarm blares through the silence of the library and you quickly move to silence it and Jason eyes question you but you don’t respond, instead move to disorderly throw all the pens and highlighters into your bag and grab as many papers you could in one go before quickly whispering,

“I’ve gotta go.”

“Wait – “

“Look. I promised I’d help a friend out with something. I’ll let you know when I’m free again.”

Jason doesn’t have a chance to say anything else before you’ve flitted through the haze of bookshelves out of view.

“What happened to the guy your dad set you up with?”

“Darian?”

Babs doesn’t look up from her place on the vanity table as she touches up her makeup while you’re sat on the table with a plastic fork prodding the edges of one of the Halloween themed chocolate cakes Babs attempted to bake for the party.

“Yeah, the one with the hair, right?”

“The hair?”

She casts a pointed look at you through the mirror, but you only take in another forkful of chocolate icing before answering,

“Yeah, he had like the most voluminous hair I’ve ever fucking seen.”

“Really? Well he had the most boring personality that I’ve ever fucking seen.”

She barely contains a smile at your comment while her own snarky comment elicits a snort from you but before you can say anything else, the frantic clicking of Stephanie’s (beloved) d’orsay heels against the linoleum floor followed by her quickly making her way into the dimly lit bedroom causes the room to fall into silence.

“You’re not ready yet?”

Her voice holds an accusatory tone and Babs quickly scoffs,

“I’m trying. But somebody keeps distracting me by asking unimportant questions.”

“Excuse me. I’m trying to be a good friend and keep up with my friend’s life.”

“Please. It sounds more like you want to know more about Darian.”

Before you can retort to her statement, Steph’s voice cuts in,

“Darian? Who’s that?”

“A guy I went on a date with a while ago.” Babs replies with a roll of her eyes, pulling out a scarlet lipstick tube from her make-up bag.

“ – That your dad set you up with.” You finish for her and Stephanie laughs.

“Since when is Professor Gordon a dating guru?”

“Since fucking never,” Babs replies, this time, twisting the cap of her lipstick. “It was just some guy in the forensic unit that he probably felt bad for being single and alone, but he shouldn’t have, ‘cause he didn’t have a fucking personality even if he tried.”

“Well that sucks. Anyways, are you both ready?” She pulls out her phone out of the bag she’d brought and starts typing.

“Or, you know, at least tried to be ready?” This time, she eyes you pointedly and you let out a noise of protest while stuffing another forkful of chocolate cake in your mouth.

“I’m sorry not all of us have devoted our whole fucking lives curating every Halloween costume known to man!”

This was something you’d noticed since you’d come back to Gotham and had been forced to attend Halloween parties – nearly everyone you’d encountered was practically obsessed with the celebration – and one of those people was Barbara. So much so, that every year she held a Halloween party and planned it more profusely than you’ve ever seen her do anything else. Her love also came with a heightened scrutiny for your enthusiasm – or lack thereof – for the holiday.

Which was why you were currently sat, dressed in a black boat neck dress with a flimsy witch hat resting on your head as you decimated one of Babs’ rejected Halloween cakes – yet the worst part was that it was currently early December (midterms being pushed back made it impossible to have it in October) and the last thing you’d wanted was to attend this party but Babs had personally threatened to drag you there to complete her and Steph’s wish of doing a group costume.

“It’s only you, you know.” Steph retorts, head cocking to one side and blonde curls hanging over her shoulder, “Now, let’s go, let’s go!”

About three hours later, you’ve found yourself nursing a cup of cheap bar (the number, you’re pretty sure that you’ve lost count of), eyeing a clique of literature students, who are currently in the midst of an argument while you stand in the corner of the room, trying to avoid them recognizing you out of their peripheral vision.

“What’re you doing?”

“What the – “ You quickly turn around to see a tall figure dressed in black staring down at you quizzically, and then you realize that it’s Jason Todd.

“Todd, what the fuck do you want.” You hiss – not at all in the mindset to have a conversation with him at the moment – while trying to remain quiet enough so that you don’t attract any unwanted attention.

“I should be asking you,” He taunts back. “You’re the one sulking around the party and hiding in places.”

You don’t try to reply to his response but offer another front of argument that throws all sensibility of your previous claim of not wanting to fight Jason out of the window.

“I don’t fucking understand, why can’t you just leave me alone?”  

“Don’t flatter yourself. I’m just trying to talk to you and you’re blocking everyone’s way.”

“Well, I’m not moving. So, they can find another way.”

“Are you fucking serious,” His voice raises. “You’re actually acting like a – “

“Shut up. Will you.” You hiss, pushing both of you further into the corner, so the bi-fold doors hide you better from the view of the group.

“What are you – “

“Morgan and his stupid friends keep trying to argue with me about some shit literature and won’t leave me alone.”

“Why?” There’s an edge to his voice which you pretend not to hear by avoiding his eyes.

“Beats me.”

He falters at the hostility of the comment – or lack thereof and you don’t say anything else but instead move to carefully peer pass the maple doors to scan for the group you’ve been avoiding amongst the mass of people in the room and as soon as you can’t see them you quickly move past Jason, to the to the cantilever staircase, without registering Jason’s footsteps trailing behind yours until you’ve reached the top and the overwhelming music and yelling from the party subdues a little and you let out a breath of relief before you see Jason also reaching the top of the stairs.

“Are you fucking following me?”

“No. Barbara and Stephanie were looking around for you and I was helping them.”

That lessens your anger a little and then confusion settles.

“Why?”

“I wanted to apologise to you.”

You let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding in and find yourself a little speechless.

“I – I meant why were they were looking for me but go on.”

“Oh,” You think you see his cheeks tint pink a little but with the dim lighting dancing shadows on his face, you’re not sure. “Well, I wanted to say sorry about the last class we had with Gordon.”

He takes a pause to slightly mess with his hair by running a hand through it.

“You were right about Bukowski – I – I don’t know why I said all of that shit.”

Looking back at this moment, you think it’s not your brightest because somehow his rather heartfelt confession falls almost deaf on your ears and somehow the narrative in your mind shifts to something else entirely.

“Is this some sort of joke, Todd?”

“What?”

“Did Morgan put you up to this shit? I know you and I don’t get along but siding with him is real fucking low, you know?”

“I – “

“I can’t fucking believe that you’re listening to all their bullshit and agreeing with them. It’s so – “

“No. What the fuck is wrong with you?” He cuts you off and his voice raises considerably. “I’m trying to fucking apologize to you and all your doing is being a bitch again.”

That silences you, but he continues.

“You know, I’ve tried. I’ve tried everything to understand what I did to fuck up with you, I’ve asked Barbara and Stephanie and – just, fuck, why did I listen to Dick?”

He mutters the last part, but you catch it anyway but still no response forms in your head at all, instead new questions pop-up as Jason runs another frantic hand through his ruined hair before quickly thundering down the stairs, leaving you…

You’re not quite sure what you’re feeling but cold is one of them as you pull the pathetic lace sleeves down your arm to try and warm yourself but nothing happens and maybe you feel your eyes too heavy to keep open as tears brim at the corners.

“Hey – are you okay?”

Babs’ voice causes your head to snap upwards as you watch her quickly scaling the stairs, eyebrows furrowed together, and you offer no response until she reaches the top and extends her arms to pull you into a hug.

“You were right. Halloween really isn’t your holiday.”

“Could you please stay behind for a moment?”

Gordon asks of you as you’re heading out of the hall, and the pit of anxiety resting in your stomach throughout the class, blooms further as you wait on the side until all the hall empties and its just you and Gordon.

He doesn’t say anything for a while, until he finally sighs and looks at you with a hard expression – one you’re all too familiar with from when you were little –

“Concerning Jason,”

You nod. Since your argument two days ago, you haven’t seen him, and the guilt seeped in farther when his spot well behind you remained empty the entire lesson.

“He’s pulled from your partnership.”

“W-what?”

“He came to talk to me, saying that he can’t continue to work with you anymore on any further projects, and the last one I paired you up on should definitively be the last.”

“Sir, I – “

“Look, I don’t like to meddle in the private lives of my students, but this situation is too tiring for me not to say that whatever problem you and Jason have; fix it. I always find both your work fascinating and that goes for the assignment you both submitted before and I simply cannot allow your own vanities to cloud judgment over the fact that you and Jason are paragons at literature and in my books, are too quick-witted to allow this talent to be lost amongst petty arguments.”

“I know, I – “

“So, I hope you’ll resolve this issue before next week’s lesson?”

“I – yes. Yes, I will.”

“Good. You’re dismissed.”

“Can I come in?”

The situation that you’re currently in rolls over you in waves of guilt and anxiety as you stand in front of Jason, in a beige coloured hallway as he idly stands with the apartment door halfway open, hesitant at your words or more so at how you’re standing in front of his apartment with worn boots and a heaving chest. You’d finally taken heed of the advice offered from Gordon, Steph and Babs and even consulted Dick and mulled it over with your own guilt before trekking all the way to his apartment.

“Sure,” His voice sounds removed – apathetic enough that you have to refrain from wincing, as he opens the door further to let you in. “Are you okay?”

You don’t hear him as your boots echo against the hardwood floor as you enter the apartment building and the sudden realization that this is the first time you’ve seen his apartment settles in as you eye the dimly lit space, with books scattered on the coffee – most of them are torn, something you’ve always found a little endearing, though you won’t admit it. The room is an oddly home-y mixture of warm beige's and deep browns that you would’ve kept staring at if he hadn’t called out your name again.

“What?”

“I asked, are you okay? You’re red in the face and panting.”

“Oh, oh, yeah, I walked all the way here and the elevator was out of service, so I used the stairs.”

“Why did you walk, nearly twenty blocks?” He furrows his brows and you let out of a puff of annoyance.

“I – listen, I don’t want to argue with you,” You take a step closer and calm yourself before starting. “You – you were right, I was being a complete and total bitch to you without reason at that party and before that. It’s just – “

You stop, and release a chuckle before awkwardly asking, “I’m gonna need a drink to get through this, do you have any?”

Nearly fifteen minutes later, not as drunk as you need to be, but enough that it gives you courage to finally stop beating around the bush and talk to him so you move to see him also standing facing the open windows to the evening sky, the sun setting against the horizon as dusk settles and you motion for him to sit on the floor as you are and he slowly complies.

“Look, I know I’ve been hostile towards you since – “

“Why?” He interrupts, not looking at you and you sputter a little. “Why have you been so hostile to me.”

“Well, you should know, none of it was your fault – well, not directly.” You sigh.

“College was my chance to start over. You don’t need to know all of the other shit, but I just thought that this whole experience would make everything okay and I wouldn’t need to fight for every single thing in my life just to end up being sub-par. And, it was going great.” You slightly chuckle to try not to choke on your words.

“That was, until you came along with your prodigal capabilities in literature and it felt like everything was falling apart again. Because somehow, suddenly, I wasn’t Gordon’s favourite anymore and I wasn’t at the top of the class – and somehow, I wasn’t enough.” Your voice is a little more choked now as you kept looking forward, even though Jason had started watching you now.

“It just was like my entire belief system just got turned upside down.” You release a breath and let the silence settle after your words.

“Fuck, I just unloaded a crap-ton of shit onto you, and you probably don’t understand any of it. I mean, I’m drunk so I don’t understand either.” You laugh and try not to cry, even though you’re pretty sure you will.

“No, I think I understand sort of, too,” He replies, voice softer than you expected and you’re more surprised to see a small smile gracing his lips. “You’re not completely wrong about the whole belief system thing there, you know, Gordon’s classes meant the same thing to me too and I just wanted to enjoy something without having to fight my way for it but boy, did you make that hard.”

A breathy chuckle escapes you as he stops talking and you both sit in the silence until he pipes up again,

“If we’re trying to mend this whole thing then maybe you should want this back too,” His voice is cryptic as you furrow your brows in confusion and stare at him with a lost expression as he stands up to walk away and disappear into the hallway, out of your sight before quickly returning with something clasped in his hand while you raise an eyebrow at him.

“You dropped this in my car when we were heading back from the party with that whole thing with Anna. Dick found it the next morning and had a whole field day about it.”

In his palm, rests a single earring piece shaped like an olive branch which you thought you’d lost in the chaos of the party and you almost laugh.

“You know, I’m gonna pretend this isn’t too creepy and thank you for giving it back.”

“I was trying to give it back to you but you never wanted to have a single conversation with me so,” You roll your eyes before picking up the earring and hooking it back through your ear even though you didn’t have the other one on.

“Right, I get it, I suck.”

That causes him to laugh as he settles back down again next to you and he doesn’t look at you before saying,

“No, you’re not as annoying as I originally thought.”

You echo a ‘hey’ and lightly punch him and the silence envelopes you both – softly, and there’s a moment of peace you think you’ve both settled in and it feels nice.

le fin

(pt.2 will come)

[topazy]

The Fierce And Broken

2.07

Masterlist

“She’s going to break your heart.” You shoved Murphy playfully, as he continued to tease you. “I’m telling you, this could be the thing that pushes you over the edge.”

“The only thing that will push me over the edge is you John,” you quipped back.

“Raven hates me.”

You couldn’t argue with him. “Well...she has her reasons, but I’ll work on it.”Murphy let out a snorting sound. “Just give it some time, I at least want you to be civil.”

“You know you’d rather spend your time getting into trouble with me, than being bossed around by Jackson all day.”

You chuckled at his comment. Murphy was right, you had now become Jackson’s go to girl which didn’t bother you so much, but knowing you’d need to spend so much time with Abby was another issue.

“I’m never bored,” you shrugged.

A few hours prior you were surprised to see Major Byrne being brought into medical care because he had been punched in the face, but what surprised you more was finding out it was Raven that had hit him.

“Life down here is never going to be boring.”

He had a point. Lexa wanted Finn, and the grounders could attack at any moment. The mountain men still had the rest of your people, and Lincoln still had to be handcuffed like a criminal in case he turned back into a reaper. The chanting of ‘Jus drein jus daun! Jus drein jus daun!’ Seemed to be getting louder as well.

“One life for all of us...”

You stared at your friend wide-eyed. “John,” you said in a hushed whisper. “We can’t have this conversation.”

So much for getting Raven to like him.

“I know you are thinking the same as me Alba, you're just too afraid to admit it.” You pouted at his comment. “Does she make you happy?”

“She does,” Murphy tutted, causing you to smile. “What’s wrong with that?”

You knew from the mischievous look on his face, Murphy was still teasing you. “Nothing makes you happier than being back home in the ark.”

“Whatever,” you shook your head when you noticed Jackson waving you over. “I need to go, I’ll catch up with you later.”

—

“Hey, what’s going on?” You asked confused.

Raven looked furious as she walked besides Bellamy towards the ark station. She paused briefly to link her hand with yours, taking the hint you walked beside her.

Raven scoffed, “Jaha and Kane are back.”

Oh, this wasn’t going to be good.

“They are having some bullshit meeting that none of us can attend.” Raven continued ranting until you reached the door to the council meeting room. “Can anybody hear anything?”

You and Bellamy both shook your heads. Bellamy gave you a small smile when he noticed you and Raven holding hands. You’d never talked about how open you’d be about your relationship, but right now Raven needed you and that’s all that mattered.

You jumped back slightly when Abby opened the door. She looked just as taken aback to see three faces staring at her. Raven was quick to say what everyone was thinking, “What’s happening?”

“You were in there a long time,” Bellamy added.

Abby looked as if she was thinking up a new lie to tell. “There was a lot to talk about.”

“Well, what’s going on?” Raven asked, the irritation in her voice becoming more obvious.

“There was a lot to talk about.”

You frowned at the doctor repeating herself. She wasn’t prepared to give any of you real information. “We aren’t letting Lexa take him.”

Bellamy nodded in agreement. “Alba’s right, we are not turning him over to the Grounders.”

“If you give Finn over now the commander will know the power she has over us,” Abby glared at you as you continued to talk. “What happens when she wants somebody else to pay? What if it was Clarke’s blood she wanted?”

“Enough. Step aside now,” Abby said in a warning tone. “We’re all trying to find a way out of this.”

You stood in silence until all the council members were a good distance away. Bellamy let out a deep sigh, “they’re gonna give him up.”

Raven shook her head and began mumbling before walking towards the exit. “They can’t, we can’t turn on each other.”

You stayed back sensing Bellamy wanted to talk to you alone, and you were right. He leaned in closer to you, “do you still have your dad's gun?”

“Yeah?”

“Keep it close, I have a feeling we might need it.”

—

Gulping down you pushed the flaps to your tent open to see Raven rummaging around her bag for something.

“Fuck!” She hissed.

You moved fast to her side as she winced in pain. It’s fine she sighed, revealing the small drop of blood coming from her finger. “It’s just a paper cut.”

You held her gaze, “how are you holding up?”

“I’m not.”

At least she was honest. Raven was one of the strongest people you knew, and it was hard to watch her struggle. You sat down on the edge of the makeshift bed, and Raven did the same a few seconds later. “I just wish things were different, you know?”

You smiled softly, “things will work themselves out.”

You felt yourself melting into the touch of Raven’s hand as she brushed strands of hair behind your ear. Without warning her lips were pressed against your own. It was a soft and gentle kiss.

Leaning back you chuckled, “I almost forgot what I came to tell you. There’s plenty of bedrooms in the ark available now, we don’t need to stay out here in a tent anymore.”

“Is this just Jackson’s ploy to have you within shouting distance during the night?” She laughed.

“Most likely, but it will be so much more comfortable.” Standing up you noticed Raven’s finger still bleeding. “You sure you don’t want me to look at that? It’s maybe deeper than it looks.”

“It’s just blood they want.”

You kissed Raven on the crown of her head before adding another layer of clothing to your outfit. A longer top that would cover your waistline and hide your gun.

“Whatever happens Reyes, I’ll always have your back.”

“Likewise.”

—

Standing outside the drop ship you couldn’t help but feel uneasy. Somehow you, Raven, and Bellamy had managed to sneak away without getting noticed, but you had a feeling that wouldn’t last long.

You had your gun at the ready hearing somebody entering the drop ship. You stood confused upon seeing who it was. “John?”

“Ooh, hey, hey, hey.” He held his hands up defensively.

“Murphy. What are you doing here?” Bellamy asked.

Murphy looked at you, as he shrugged. “I was invited.”

“I thought we could use an extra gun.” Raven turned to look out the doorway. “Finn should've been right behind you.”

“Don’t worry. The spacewalker is gonna be fine.” Murphy said before coming and standing beside you. “Why do you look so surprised to see me?”

“I didn’t know you were coming, that’s all.”

Murphy frowned. “I assumed I was only asked because you’d told me and Raven to play nice.”

“We’ve had bigger things to worry about, I’ve not said anything.”

Something in the way Raven was looking at Murphy made your stomach tighten into a knot. It wasn’t the normal friendly Raven Reyes smile you would get, she was sending him a death glare.

“I’m going to take a look outside.” As you reached the doorway you noticed Finn carrying Clarke. “Somebody find me a rag, or a cloth!”

You ran beside Finn to inspect the bleeding wound on Clarke’s head. Bellamy quickly moved to be beside her once Finn got her inside. “What happened?”

“A Grounder hit her on the head.” Finn’s voice broke as he spoke, you couldn’t imagine the guilt he must be feeling.

“Clarke, can you hear me? You're gonna be fine.” You pressed the rag to her wound, and felt relieved to see the bleeding was stopping. “You just need to rest for a bit, okay.”

Out of the corner of your eye you noticed Raven and Finn talking. It was odd to you that she didn’t seem overly concerned about Clarke. You couldn’t help but overhear their conversation. “Hey. It's just a bump on the head. Clarke’s gonna be ok. Are you? We'll figure this out.”

Finn shook his head. “That’s what she said. Right before I almost got her killed.”

—

After a little while Finn began pacing back and forth. “Still nothing?”

You shook your head. Finn groaned into his hands as Raven tried to reassure him. “Just give her a little time.”

“I never meant to hurt you.”

Finn’s confession made you feel awkward, despite everything going on between you and Raven you still didn’t want to get involved in their past relationship in any way. You’d given anything to have Murphy or Bellamy beside you at the moment.

“I know. Truth is, things change. Maybe that's for the best.”

You hoped that was true. Raven’s ability to forgive, and show kindness to those that hurt her never failed to amaze you.

You focused on Clarke and tried your best to block out the ‘We’ll always be family’ exchange. It was a private moment for the two of them to share. You sighed with relief when Clarke opened her eyes, “take it easy when you sit up.”

“How’s the head?” Finn asked, just Murphy and Bellamy came back into view.

“Awesome,” the blonde mumbled.

Finn kneeled down beside her, “When you went down... I thought you were dead. Because of me.”

You stopped listening to the others talking when you noticed the worried look on Bellamy’s face. “What’s wrong?”

“We got company! Get out here. Get down. Grounders.”

You looked past his shoulder and saw multiple grounders. “We’re surrounded.”

—

“They’re not moving any closer, why?”

Bellamy gulped down before answering. “Staying out of range. Probably waiting until it's dark.”

“If we hit them now, at least we'd take them by surprise.” You didn’t like your friend's suggestion, but you knew Murphy had a point.

“We don't even know how many of them are out there,” Clarke said coldly.

Murphy shook his head before scoffing. “I’m not hearing any better ideas, Clarke.”

“We’ll give them something.”

The moment the words came from Raven mouth you instantly stepped closer to Murphy. “The only thing they want is Finn.”

“Finn wasn't the only one at the village.”

You now stood in-between Murphy and everybody else. “Don’t even think about it!” You seethed. How could she even be considering this? “Don’t take another step closer to him.”

Raven looked visibly hurt but still continued, “Enough Grounders saw him at the village. They’d believe he was the shooter.”

Murphy hissed from behind you, “sick bitch.”

Both Bellamy and Clarke tried to talk some sense into her, but she refused to listen. “They want a murderer, we'll give them one.” Raven raised her gun and pointed it in your direction. “Put your weapon down.”

Clarke tried again to talk her down. “Put it down, Raven. Like it or not, he's one of us.”

Brown eyes stared into yours, “Alba move out the way.”

“No, I’m not moving so you’d need to shoot me too.”

“Alba, just move!” Raven pleaded.

Your chest ached with a pain you hadn’t felt before. Raven meant a lot to you, but Murphy was your best friend. Her doing this to him felt like a betrayal. You also found it hard to believe she was still pointing the gun in your direction.

“Raven...this isn’t you. Just lower the gun.”

Finn snatched the gun from her hand. “Stop! Stop! We're not doing this. They’ve got us surrounded. The only thing we can do is stay. And defend this place.” He turned to face the rest of the group. “Murphy, go upstairs. Watch the rear. I'll take the lower level. You four, take the front gate. That’s the plan. All right?”

“I’m going with John.”

Once you reached the top of the drop-ship Murphy squeezed your shoulder. “Hey, are you alright?”

“It’s not me she wanted to hand over to grounders,” you shrugged. “I’m sorry John, I had no idea-”

“It’s not your fault Al, and as much as I hate her right now, I know she wouldn’t have hurt you.”

You said nothing. Deep down you knew Raven was acting out of love for Finn, he was her family. The only friend she had from the ark. What bothered you the most was that you understood why she did it. The impulse to protect the ones you love could cause you to do unthinkable things.

“I probably would have done the same for you,” you mumbled before looking out the window again. “Oh shit!”

“What?”

“Finn’s handing himself over to the grounders.”

—

You watched in disgust as grounders set up a post near the gates of camp. You jumped hearing a voice coming from beside you. “What is that?”

“They want us to watch.”

“We’re gonna get him.” Bellamy announced. “We’ll get in close and we'll hit them hard.”

You shared a knowing look with Clarke, both of you knew that was impossible. The only thing you could do was hope his death was quick.

Kane held onto Bellamy’s shoulder. “Son... there's thousands of them. Even if we could kill hundreds, they'd still wipe out this camp and your friend would still die.”

Clarke stood beside you, “I’m going to talk with the commander.”

“Don’t let him suffer,” you said quietly. “Try and convince her they don’t need to torture him.”

As Clarke explained her plan to the others Raven mumbled an apology to you before returning her attention to the blonde. “Give me your hand.” You watched Raven slide a small knife into her hand. “If she won't let him go, kill her. Things’ll go crazy, and we'll grab you and Finn. Clarke. You have to help him. I owe him my life.”

You silently linked Raven’s fingers with your own, and let her squeeze down tightly. She was afraid. No matter what happened before, and how angry you still were, she was going to need someone.

Minutes felt like hours as you waited for Clarke to emerge from the commander's tent and made her way towards Finn. She can’t save him. You felt Raven tense beside you. You chewed on your bottom lip as you waited for something to happen.

“I’m sorry Al, I’m so sorry.” Raven gasped under her breath as she shook.

You moved your grip to hold onto her tighter, “don’t be.”

Things were about to go from bad to worse real fast. No, no, no. When Clarke leaned in to kiss Finn you realised she was saying goodbye.

When the blonde stepped away from Finn his head fell down into his chest. He was dead. Clarke had killed him. Mercy kill.

You lowered yourself to hold Raven as she collapsed to the ground.

“No! No! No! No! No! No!”

[philsmeatylegss]

honestly say what you want about cancelling not working. before, shane dawson on average was getting 10-30 million views every video. his first comeback video only got 6.7 million. his most recent that was posted two weeks ago is 2.3 million. he finally went below 20 million subs. is it still way too many views/subs? ofc. i wish him and his channel were banished forever. and while yeah these are high numbers, but compared to the numbers he was getting before everything, he’s getting only 5%-10% of the views he used to get and it’s getting worse with each video. and i’ve seen clips of the videos (on other channels ofc i’m not giving him ad money (ads are still on) and a view) and it’s awkward. garrett, andrew, and drew carried half of his channel first off. but he’s become so detached from this platform because he spent two years off it so it’s all awkward. and i’m hoping it’s an onision situation where there’s a big cancellation, they still get views on their comeback but they were hit so hard by that cancellation that it effected everyone’s perspective, even devout fans, and it effected the person cancelled so much that they don’t have the same personality anymore and people realize this and just kind of let the creator fade out. i don’t think onision posts anymore on youtube, but when he was he would get less than 10k a video despite having 2 mil subs. i think he’s on the road to that and it’s just going to take a bit longer since shane was a lot bigger than onision. it also doesn’t help that we’re all older. when he was king youtube the average viewer was 12-16. i know i enjoyed him most when i was 13-15. now the majority of us are late teens early twenty’s and we can see the bullshit and also just have outgrown what his comedy was. so say what you want about cancellation not working, but what happened to shane is insane. and he fucking deserves it. i hate what he did to all of us so fucking much but that’s another rant that if you want i’ll do but this is already too long i didn’t mean for it to be long but you get my point

[flourgirl]

When The Party’s Over

Part II to “Even If It’s a Lie”

Pairing: Peter Parker x Reader, Peter Parker x Gwen Stacy, Harry Osborn x Reader

Summary: The closer that Peter gets to Gwen, the more he realizes how irreplaceable you are to him.

Word Count: 2.6k

Warnings: A few curse words here and there.

A/N: There’s going to be a third and final part to this story, so if you’d like to be tagged in it, please shoot me an ask or a reply and I’ll gladly add you to the tag list. Hope you guys enjoy this new part and happy reading :-)

“Counted all my mistakes and there's only one Standing out from the list of the things I've done All the rest of my crimes don't come close To the look on your face when I let you go” -Where Do Broken Hearts Go, One Direction

It had been 17 days since you had last seen Peter and all you could do was sit in your favorite coffee shop and stare at all the muffins in the case. Peter loved muffins. His favorite flavor was banana nut, and usually the two of you would jam out to all of your favorite songs while you waited for them to come out of the oven.

“Y/N,” Betty said, snapping you out of your daze, “Are you alright? You’ve been staring at the pastries for, like, five minutes.”

MJ put down whatever book she had decided to read this week. “Yeah, if you want one, go for it. You deserve it. Here, I’ll pay.” 

She reached into her pocket and pulled out a wadded up $10 bill, dropping it onto the table in front of you, and returned to her book.

“You could get a slice of cheesecake,” Betty suggested. “I know how much you like the raspberry one from here.”

But all you could think about was how you wished Peter loved you the way that he loved those stupid banana nut muffins.

“I’m not hungry,” you muttered, crossing your arms and closing your eyes to take in the soft jazz music that was playing alongside the chatter of the café. “But I’m keeping the ten bucks.”

“Maybe it would help take your mind off of things if you met someone new,” MJ suggested without even looking up at you. It was honestly amazing how she could carry on a conversation while still being so engrossed in her book.

“Yeah, Y/N,” Betty agreed, “You’re so smart, and pretty, and you made all of the baked goods currently taking up lots of precious space in our kitchen.”

“You’re a stress baker,” MJ added. She was right. Over the past two and a half weeks since that night, you had baked three cakes, four pies, and seven different kinds of bread. Maybe tonight wasn’t the night you tried out the new focaccia recipe you had been eyeing.

“I don’t know, guys,” you said, slinking further down into your chair. “I just don’t think I’m ready for that sort of thing.”

“That’s okay,” Betty reassured you. “Take all the time you need. But we’re here for you, Y/N.”

And that’s how the rest of that day went. Lots of suggestions on ways to stop thinking about Peter and you shooting them down. No matter how Betty and MJ tried to make you feel better, your mind was stuck on the nine voicemails and thirty-two texts he had sent you saying how he was sorry for whatever he did and how he just wanted things to be normal again.

Except you didn’t want normal. You wanted him. You wanted his bad puns and the way his sweaters smelled when he let you borrow one. And the worst part was, he didn’t even know what he did wrong. He didn’t know that he had broken your heart.

----------------

It wasn’t like Peter didn’t like Gwen. She was outgoing and confident, and he liked how it felt like she was always the center of attention. People wanted to talk to her, or sit next to her, or even have her know that they existed.

But she wasn’t anything like you, and the more time that Peter spent with her, the more apparent that became. She didn’t rant about reality TV or get so overwhelmed during public speaking assignments that the only way she could calm down was with a hug from him. In many ways, she was perfect. Except for the fact that she wasn’t you.

“We’re still on for Flash’s party on Saturday, right?” Gwen asked as she walked with Peter out of the lecture hall where they learned about vascular mechanics.

Honestly, Peter hadn’t even remembered that she had asked him to go to that until she brought it up just now. He was too stressed out wondering whether or not you’d ever speak to him again. 

But what did he do to make you upset? He had promised that if you wanted to leave the party, you could tell him and the two of you would go. Except you never said anything. You just got up and left, without even saying goodbye. You hated him and it killed him to not know why.

Despite this, he wanted to be the good guy and not disappoint any more people, and so he took Gwen’s hand in his and said, “Yeah, definitely. I’ll be there.”

----------------

If someone had told you that you’d run into Harry Osborn in the middle of Arthur Avenue, you’d say they were crazy. And if that same someone said that you’d ask him on a date, they’d be even crazier. But somehow, some way, that’s exactly what happened.

You were on the way to interview a third-generation restaurant owner for your Italian class. You had never been very good at foreign languages, but you would use any excuse to take a trip to Little Italy. The nervous knots in your stomach from the possibility that they would only speak in a dialect that you couldn’t understand was worth it, because this little nook of the city was home to the best arancini in all of America.

To be honest, it seemed unbelievable that he’d be there, at that exact time, in that exact place to where you’d run right into him. You had been too busy reviewing the notes you had taken during the interview to see that you were on a direct path towards face planting into his torso.

“Fuck,” you grumbled, staring down at your notes scattered on the sidewalk at your feet. The guy you had just ran into kneeled down to gather them into a neat stack, handing them back to you.

“Y/N?” he asked, which caught you off guard. Who the hell was this? It wasn’t until you stared at his face for a few seconds that you recognized him. That guy that Gwen was with at the party. He looked a lot different in his button down and khakis compared to the sweatshirt and baseball cap he had on when you had first met him.

“Uh, hi. You’re Gwen’s friend, right? Henry.” You knew his name. You just didn’t plan on letting that you knew it.

“Yeah, but it’s Harry. Sorry about that, by the way. So, anyway, what brings you all the way down to Little Italy? It’s pretty far from campus,” he told you, as if you didn’t know that. I mean, you had walked all the way here, hadn’t you?

You shrugged, looking away from him. “I guess I could ask you the same thing.”

It was the first time in a while that someone wasn’t fawning over him just because he was rich. Honestly, it was really refreshing. “I asked first,” he noted, mimicking your crossed arms with a smirk.

Who does this guy think he is? 

“Listen,” you sighed. “I really don’t have time for this. I need to get back to my apartment and finish up writing this essay that’s due at midnight.”

“So you’re taking Italian, I presume?” he asked, it suddenly becoming quite clear as to what you were doing on the other side of the city.

“Yeah. And let me guess, you were eating brunch at some fancy, expensive restaurant that your dad owns, drinking some $100 bottle of wine while some nerd you pay does your homework, huh?”

“No,” he laughed. “I was helping put together Thanksgiving dinner baskets for underprivileged families down at the soup kitchen.”

It was only then that you noticed how annoyingly handsome he was. Essentially, he was the male version of Gwen. Same blonde hair and preppy style that just screamed “I have a trust fund.”

“Of course. What, did you need a good photo op ever since the Daily Bugle ran that issue where they called you a spoiled playboy who loves to party?”

You had no intentions of entertaining him, especially since he was a friend of Gwen’s. The girl that had kissed Peter right in front of you, and pretended like she couldn’t remember your name. The girl that Peter was probably with right now.

“I’m not going to pretend like that wasn’t part of it, but believe it or not, I’m not actually as big of a selfish asshole as the papers make me out to be.”

You rolled your eyes. “Sure, I can tell by the cashmere sweater vest and leather loafers that you’re wearing that you’re so down to earth.”

There was an awkward silence, and Harry decided to change the subject before he pissed you off even more. But what he chose to mention next was the one thing on the planet that you didn’t want to talk about.

“So, uh, I guess your friend Peter is with Gwen now,” he started, which had somehow managed to make you dislike him even more than you already did. Sure, there was no way for him to know how you felt about the whole situation, but it still pained you to think about how you had become an afterthought to who you thought was the guy who would always have your back.

You blinked back at him, frowning. “Yeah, I guess so,” you muttered. And then there was another awkward silence.

“Well, I’ll let you go now. It’s obvious I’m taking up some very precious time in your day,” he said, offering a weak smile. “Maybe we’ll see each other around campus.” 

It suddenly dawned on you that you might have been just a little too hard on him. He seemed nice enough, even if you weren’t a big fan of the company he kept. Before you could even really think about it, you called out, “Wait!” and walked over to meet him when he had turned around.

“I’m sorry,” you admitted, nervously toying with the hem of your sweater. “I’m just in a really bad mood.”

“It’s fine,” he reassured you, although he wasn’t quite as confident as when the two of you had started your conversation. “We all have bad days. I hope yours gets better.”

“It could, if you’d let me buy you a coffee,” you said, genuinely smiling for the first time in a while. Sure, it was nice to think that Peter would probably be upset once he heard that you had asked someone out and he knew nothing about it, but a small part of you was asking just because Harry Osborn seemed like the kind of guy you’d like to have around.

“Sure,” he answered back, running a hand through his hair, which seemed to be in a perpetually perfect messy-but-not-too-messy state. “Have you ever been to Hungry Ghost in Brooklyn?”

Your eyes lit up. “That’s actually my favorite café! They have this really awesome grand piano in the middle of the room, and every Friday they have an open mic where anybody can sign up to play it.”

Your enthusiasm honestly surprised you. It was nice to have something to talk about that didn’t somehow involve Peter.

“Actually, I’m signed up to play tomorrow night,” Harry told you, “Do you like jazz?”

It almost seemed too good to be true. You loved jazz. “Definitely,” you confirmed, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear.

“Alright, cool. Let’s make a deal. I’ll let you buy me a coffee if you come watch me play tomorrow night.”

“Deal,” you agreed, before turning back towards your apartment, all giddy with excitement to tell MJ and Betty about what had just happened.

----------------

“You probably didn’t know this, but Y/N’s been hanging out with Harry Osborn,” Ned said, walking into the common room wearing his “special” Hawaiian shirt, which Peter knew meant he was going someplace fancy. “They’re kind of dating.”

Peter looked up immediately from his linear algebra homework. He had an uneasy feeling in his stomach about what Ned had just revealed, but he didn’t know why. He was with Gwen, and if you wanted to date Harry Osborn, then you could. But still, he found himself being just a little bit jealous that some other guy was filling in for him.

“Oh,” Peter said, looking back down at his homework. He couldn’t focus anymore, so he just shut the notebook and threw it from where he was sitting on the top bunk onto his desk. “How long has that been going on?”

“Two days now, but they’ve been spending every minute together since. Betty said that they bumped into each other on the street and she just asked him on a date out of nowhere,” he replied, tying his shoes to go meet his girlfriend for date night. “I just thought I’d let you know, in case you saw them when you were out and got mad at me for keeping it from you.”

“Thanks, dude,” Peter sighed, lying on his back, “You’re a good friend.”

“I know. Anytime, man. Now I gotta go. M’lady awaits,” he said. Peter didn’t even have to look to know that his roommate had just tipped his imaginary fedora.

Harry Osborn wasn’t even your type, Peter thought. You didn’t like guys as “pretty” as him, and you had always been more into brown eyes, not blue. So what was the appeal? His trust fund? Peter knew that you weren’t that shallow. It was just that, well, he couldn’t imagine you falling for someone like that.

You’re with Gwen, Peter kept reminding himself. So many guys would kill to be in your place. It wasn’t until he checked the time that he realized that he was actually about 20 minutes late to meeting her for the party. The stupid party at Flash Thompson’s tacky apartment that he didn’t even want to go to in the first place.

It was an understatement to say that Gwen was pissed when Peter knocked on her front door over half an hour late to the time they had agreed upon.

“What took you so long? I’ve been waiting,” she complained, smoothing out her sparkly silver dress that caught the light just right when she moved.

“I’m sorry,” Peter sighed, grabbing her hand as they walked down the street. “Uh, I guess I just lost track of time.”

“Whatever,” Gwen said, “Just don’t let it happen again.”

When they finally arrived at the party, the bowls of potato chips and mini pretzels were nearly empty. The floor was sticky, and Old Town Road boomed from the speakers in the living room. 

“I’m gonna go get a drink,” Peter told Gwen, leaving her to greet all of her friends that had been waiting for her to show up. 

As Peter wandered towards the keg, he couldn’t stop thinking about you and Harry, and all the things that he didn’t know about your newfound relationship with some guy you had just met. He still didn’t know why he was so upset about it. He should be happy you had found someone you liked. In high school, all you ever talked about was finding the perfect guy, and if that was Harry Osborn, who was Peter to make a fuss about it?

But that didn’t stop Peter from filling up his plastic cup more times than he should’ve that night. It wasn’t until he was being dragged back to his dorm room by Gwen after puking on Flash’s couch that he realized what was wrong. He wanted to be that guy. The one who got to hold your hand and cuddle with you during scary movies. The one that got to love you and be loved by you.

----------------

Taglist: @hommyy-tommy @itsgonnabeohtay @alltimekyn

P.S.: Sorry to all the people I forgot to tag on this one! I didn’t know that when you answer asks privately, they go away from your inbox. Please shoot me another ask or reply to this post so I don’t miss you again!

[celestial-ringleader]

Salty comic asks: 3, 19, 42?

3. Who is your most hated comics writer?

I honestly have too fucking many I hate, but if I have to list a top three it would be Leah Williams, Tini Howard, and Kelly Thompson. Leah Williams is pretty obvious from my previous rants I've made about her so I won't elaborate on that. Howard is mostly because of just how slow and nonsensical her plots are, especially following Excalibur, and ofc I have personal beef with what she did with Jubilee, Remy, and Julio, i.e making them nothing but set pieces for Betsy. But also Howard just tends to throw things in and then does nothing with it later, like that whole thing with Remy suddenly being able to control "mutant energy" (whatever that is) and then him having those magic tarot cards?? That just ended up adding nothing bc it took a back seat to Betsy. Thompson is on this list because I'm sorry but Mr & Mrs X was so fucking boring, I'm sorry but Thompson just had no idea who these characters were and wrote the most cliché boring schlock she could.

19. Rant about a change they made to a character of your choice.

WHAT. THE FUCK. WAS THAT MAXIMOFF RETCON????? I absolutely fucking hated how they took what was most important to Pietro and Wanda, i.e them being mutants, and just went "nah y'know what we're taking inspo from the MCU now :)" and I FUCKING HATEEEEEE IT!!!! Pietro is my baby, I love him with my whole chest, but holy shit marvel fucked him over so fucking bad; like the biggest thing about him was how he didn't want to become his father (Erik) and that he was a mutant living in a world that hates him and then they got rid of that entirely. Also making them no longer Magda's children was so fucking weird, like they took away Magda to make their mother just "Wanda but slightly to the left". Idk, I could rant about a lot of shit but that just continues to piss me off to no end. Fuck that retcon man.

42. What’s a fandom trope you hate?

I'm probably gonna get shit for this but I do not like it when fandom uwu-ifies a character. Not just villain characters, but in general. You take a character with so much nuance and depth and then reduce them to "omg they're so soft they can do no wrong!!1!" and that's just so shit to the character's built up lore. Like ik people do this especially with villain characters, but I've seen this with just....any character with depth (i.e Pietro, Remy, Namor, etc.) and it's just so fucking annoying. I block very quickly when I see that ajbdvkj