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she-who-fights-and-writes · 4 years

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May you give some tips on how to write about mid-nineteenth century and early twentieth century ?? Sorry for the inconvenience and thanks if there is an answer or not xd 😅 greetings and take good care :) :D

Okay, so I only really know about AMERICAN mid-nineteenth and early 20th century history, so I hope that’s what you mean!!

How to Write About The Mid-Nineteenth/ Early Twentieth Century America

This post will encompass 1850-1920 in America only. A lot of things happened during this period, so I’m going to try to outline it as best I can! This post is gonna be a long one, so I put all of the specifics under the cut:

Overview:

The Industrial Revolution hits. We begin this era with horse-drawn carriages and end with planes, tanks, and cars.

Expansion west, “Manifest Destiny”

The Civil War ends slavery in the United States

The Gilded Age marks an era of unbridled capitalism and robber barons, while the Progressive Era following it marks an age of activism and human rights.

13th Amendment in 1865 abolishes slavery, 14th and 15th Amendments in 1868 and 1870 gives Black people the right to vote, 19th Amendment in 1920 gives women the right to vote.

World War I marks a major advancement in technology and global affairs, sets the stage for the second world war that will come later.

The Roaring 20s provides a façade of success to precede the gigantic stock market crash of 1929.

I’ve copied and pasted a lot of this information directly from America’s Best History and added tidbits of my own as well!

1. The 1850s

Presidents:

Zachary Taylor (1849-1850)

Millard Fillmore (1850-1853)

Franklin Pierce (1853-1857)

James Buchanan (1857-1861)

Important Events:

- Peak point of tension between North and the South, primarily over which states will be admitted as free states or slave states.

- The Compromise of 1850 admits California as the 31st state, without slavery, and adds Utah and New Mexico as territories with no decision on the topic. The Fugitive Slave Law is strengthened under the Compromise, which also ended the slave trade in the District of Columbia.

-1854 - The Republican Party is founded, in opposition to the Kansas-Nebraska Act. (Note: This form of “Republican” is essentially modern-day Democrats. The parties switched platforms later.)

-The Kansas-Nebraska Act of 1854 allows the issue of slavery to be decided by a vote of settlers. This established the territories of Kansas and Nebraska and would breed much of the rancor that culminated in the actions of the next years of "Bleeding Kansas."

2. The 1860s

Presidents:

James Buchanan (1857-1861)

Abraham Lincoln (1861-1865)

Andrew Johnson (1865-1869)

Ulysses S. Grant (1869-1877)

Important Events:

-1860- The Pony Express begins. Overland mail between Sacramento, California and St. Joseph's, Missouri is carried over the Oregon Trail for eighteen months by this series of riders on horseback, then rendered obsolete when the transcontinental telegraph is completed.

- 1860 - South Carolina is the first southern state to secede from the Union in response to the election of Abraham Lincoln as President.

-The Homestead Act of 1862 is approved, granting family farms of 160 acres to settlers, many of which were carved from Indian territories. This promotes expansion West, and eventually led to the establishment of the state university systems.

- The Civil War 1861 – 1865

Overview: Union won due to their advanced railroad system and industrialization that provided them with clothing and other supplies. South is ransacked by General Sherman, brings about era of Reconstruction. Slavery is abolished, but former slaves are not immediately emancipated.

People to know:

Abe Lincoln (President of the Union)

Ulysses S. Grant (Union General, future President)

William Sherman (Union General)

Jefferson Davis (President of the Confederacy)

Robert E. Lee (Confederate General)

Stonewall Jackson (Confederate General)

Important Events/Battles:

Fort Sumter 1861- A fort in Charleston, South Carolina harbor is bombarded by Confederate forces after the U.S. Army commander failed to evacuate, thus triggering a declaration of war.

Battle of Bull Run 1861- First official battle in Manassas, Virginia. Confederates emerge victorious as picnicking (yes, you read that right. People were picnicking and using the battle as entertainment) onlookers watch on in horror; realization that this war won’t be resolved quickly or easily.

Emancipation Proclamation is issued by Abraham Lincoln on September 22, 1862 stated that all slaves in places of rebellion against the Federal Government would be free.

Battle of Shiloh 1862- Victory of Union over Confederacy. Led by Ulysses S. Grant.

Battle of Antietam 1862- Bloodiest day of the war in Sharpsburg, Maryland.

Gettysburg 1863- Considered the turning point of the war. The furthest Southern incursion into the North, where the Union beats back the attacking Confederate troops. A few weeks after the war, Lincoln issues the Gettysburg Address (“Four score and seven years ago…”).

The South Surrenders on April 2nd, 1865

- April 9th, 1865 - Abe Lincoln is assassinated at Ford Theatre by John Wilkes Booth. Andrew Johnson takes his place, and he does not keep up Reconstruction and withdrew all troops from the South so they could be left to their own devices. This is said to be the reason for segregation.

- 1866 -The KKK is formed to prevent Black people from voting. Things such as poll taxes, grandfather clauses, and literacy tests are implemented by states to also discourage Black people from voting as well.

- 1867 -Alaska is purchased from Russia for $7.2 million dollars, approximately two cents per acre, by signing the Treaty of Cession of Russian America to the United States.

- 1869- The final golden spike of the transcontinental railroad is driven into the ground, marking the junction of the Central Pacific and Union Pacific Railroads. This act, as much as any other, would signal the marked increase in the settlement of the west.

3. The 1870s

Presidents:

Ulysses S. Grant (1869-1877)

Rutherford B. Hayes (1877-1881)

Important Events:

-The Gilded Age begins. Characterized by gross materialism and blatant political corruption that gave rise to important novels of social and political criticism.

-1870 - Standard Oil Company is incorporated by John D. Rockefeller.

-1870 - The first African-American to be sworn into office in the United States Congress, Hiram Rhodes Revels, a Republican from Mississippi takes his place in the United States Senate.

- 1870 - The 15th Amendment is ratified. It gave the right to vote to Black Americans. Race would officially no longer be a ban to voting rights, though it continues to be an issue in Southern states.

- 1871 - The great fire of Chicago starts. The fire burned 1.2 million acres of land, destroyed 17,450 buildings, killed 250 people, and left 90,000 homeless.

- 1876 - The Battle of Little Big Horn occurs when Lt. Colonel George Custer and his 7th U.S. Cavalry engage the Oceti Sakowin and Cheyenne Indians on the bluffs above the Little Big Horn River. All 264 members of the 7th Cavalry and Custer perish in the battle, the most complete rout in American military history.

- 1877 - Crazy Horse surrenders to the United States Army in Nebraska. His people had been weakened by cold and hunger.

- 1878 - The first commercial telephone exchange is opened.

- 1878 - Thomas Edison patents the cylinder phonograph and the Edison Electric Company begins operation

4. The 1880s

Presidents:

James A. Garfield (1881-1881)

Chester A. Arthur (1881-1885)

Grover Cleveland (1885-1889)

Benjamin Harrison (1889-1893)

Important Events:

- 1881 - Thomas Edison and Alexander Graham Bell form the Oriental Telephone Company.

-1882 - The Standard Oil Company trust of John D. Rockefeller is formed when Rockefeller places all of his oil holdings inside it.

- 1883 - The Pendleton Civil Service Reform Act is passed by Congress, overhauling federal civil service and establishing the U.S. Civil Service agency.

- 1884 - The Federation of Organized Trades and Labor Unions in the U.S.A. call for an eight-hour workday.

- 1885 - The Statue of Liberty arrives for the first time in New York harbor.

- 1886 - The Haymarket riot and bombing occurs in Chicago three days after the start of a general strike in the United States that pushed for an eight-hour workday.

- 1887 - Congress passes the Interstate Commerce Act to regulate and control the monopolies of the railroad industry.

- 1888 - The prototype for the commercial phonograph is completed by Thomas A. Edison

- 1888 - The Washington Monument officially opens to the general public.

5. The 1890s

Presidents:

Benjamin Harrison (1889-1893)

Grover Cleveland (1893-1897)

William McKinley (1897-1901)

Important Events:

- The rise of Imperialism.

- 1890 - The Battle of Wounded Knee, South Dakota, occurs in the last major battle between United States troops and Native Americans. Hundreds of native men, women, and children are slain.

- 1892 - Ellis Island, in New York Harbor, opens as the main east coast immigration center, and would remain the initial debarkation point for European immigrants into the United States until its closure in 1954. More than 12 million immigrants would be processed on the island during those years.

- 1892- Nativist sentiments rise with the immigration of Southern and Eastern Europeans flooding into the country. Italian, Polish, Russian, and other immigrants face significant discrimination.

- 1895 - The first professional football game is played in Latrobe, Pennsylvania.

- 1896 - Plessy vs Ferguson decision by the Supreme Court states that racial segregation is approved under the "separate but equal" doctrine. This paves the way for Jim Crow laws in the South.

- 1896 - The first modern Olympic Games is held in Athens, Greece.

- 1896 - Gold is discovered near Dawson, Canada, setting up the Klondike Gold Rush

- 1897 - The era of the subway begins when the first underground public transportation in North America opens in Boston, Massachusetts.

-1897- The Progressive Era begins

- 1898 – The Spanish- American War begins. It lasts one year and ends in U.S. victory. It was triggered by United States battleship Maine exploding and sinking under unknown causes in Havana Harbor, Cuba, killing two hundred and sixteen seamen.

- 1898 - The United States annexes the independent republic of Hawaii.

- 1899 - The Open Door Policy with China is declared by Secretary of State John Hay

9. The 1900s

Presidents:

William McKinley (1897-1901)

Theodore Roosevelt (1901-1909)

William Howard Taft (1909-1913)

Important Events:

- 1901 - The American League of Major League Baseball is formed.

- 1902 - The first movie theatre in the United States opens in Los Angeles, California.

- 1902 - Cuba gains independence from the United States.

- 1903 - Inventors Wilbur and Orville Wright succeed in the first sustained and manned plane flight.

- 1906 - The Pure Food and Drug Act and the Meat Inspection Act is passed due to the efforts of “muckrakers” that worked to expose corruption. “The Jungle” by Upton Sinclair, which described the horrible conditions in the meatpacking industry, helped sponsor outrage that would get these laws passed.

- 1908 - The first passenger flight on a plane occurs when Wilbur Wright escorts Charles W. Furnas in the Wright Flyer III at Huffman Prairie Flying Field in Dayton, Ohio.

- 1908- The first production Model T is built at the Ford plant in Detroit, Michigan.

10. The 1910s

Presidents:

William Howard Taft (1909-1913)

Woodrow Wilson (1913-1921)

Important Events:

- 1911 - Standard Oil is declared a monopoly by the United States Supreme Court and ordered dissolved under the powers of the Sherman Antitrust Act.

- 1913 - The first moving assembly line is introduced and adopted for mass production by the Ford Motor Company, allowing automobile construction time to decrease by almost 10 hours per vehicle.

- 1915 – The first telephone conversation is conducted by Alexander Graham Bell and Thomas A. Watson between New York and San Francisco.

- 1915 - The British ship Lusitania is sunk by a German U-boat submarine, causing 128 American passengers to be lost. Germany, although it warned of the pending crises to passengers, issued an apology to the United States and promised payments.

- 1918 - The influenza epidemic Spanish flu spans the globe, killing over twenty million worldwide and five hundred and forty-eight thousand people in the United States.

- World War I 1917-1918

Overview: After three years spent remaining neutral, the United States joins World War I. The U.S. made its major contributions in terms of supplies, raw material, and money, and its joining into the war helped to turn the tides against the Germans and Ottomans.

People to know:

Woodrow Wilson (President)

John J. Pershing (General)

Important Events/Battles

The United States declares war on Germany in 1917 after the Zimmermann Telegram is given to the United States by Britain on February 24, showing the offer by Germany to give Mexico back the southwest United States if they would declare war on the United States.

June 26th, 1917 - The first troops from the United States arrive in Europe to assist European allies in World War I. Troops engaged in World War I would include conscript soldiers authorized by the passage of the Conscription Act, the Selective Services Act, on May 18, 1917. General John Pershing would be placed in command of the American Expeditionary Forces during the campaign.

1918 - The United States military forces has over one million troops in Europe fighting in World War I.

May 28, 1918- United States forces are victorious in the Battle of Cantigny, the first independent American operation.

September 26, 1918- Allied forces begin the attack at Meusse-Argonne, the final offensive of the war.

November 11, 1918 - Hostilities in World War I begin to end with the Austria-Hungary alliance for armistice with the allies on November 3. Armistice Day with Germany occurs when the Allies and the German nation sign an agreement in Compiegne, France. Woodrow Wilson would become the first U.S. President to travel to Europe while in office when he sails to attend the Paris Peace Conference on December 4.

1919 - The Treaty of Versailles is signed, ending World War I.

- 1919- The 18th Amendment is passed, bringing about the era of Prohibition

11. The 1920s

Presidents:

Woodrow Wilson (1913-1921)

Warren G. Harding (1921-1923)

Calvin Coolidge (1923-1929)

Herbert Hoover (1929-1933)

Important events:

-1920 - The League of Nations is established with the ratification of the Treaty of Versailles, ending the hostilities of the first World War. In a final vote, the United States Senate again votes against joining the League.

- 1920 - Women are given the right to vote when the 19th Amendment to the United States constitution grants universal women's suffrage.

- 1920 - The National Football League is formed

- 1921 - A national quota system on the number of incoming immigrants is established by the United States Congress in the Emergency Quota Act, curbing legal immigration.

- 1923 - The first sound on film motion picture Phonofilm is shown in the Rivoli Theatre in New York City by Lee de Forest.

- 1924 - The Indian Citizenship Act granted all Native Americans citizenship that had been born within the territory of the United States.

- 1925 - Nellie Tayloe Ross is inaugurated as the first woman governor of the United States in Wyoming.

- 1925 - Radiovision is born. The precursor to television is demonstrated by Charles Francis Jenkins when he transmits a 10 minute film of synchronized pictures and sound for five miles from Anacostia to Washington, D.C. to representatives of the United States government.

- 1928 - The first appearance of Mickey and Minnie Mouse on film occurs with the release of the animated short film, Plane Crazy.

- 1928 - Amelia Earhart becomes the first woman to fly over the Atlantic Ocean.

- 1929 - Postwar prosperity ends in the 1929 Stock Market crash. The plummeting stock prices led to losses between 1929 and 1931 of an estimated $50 billion and started the worst American depression in the nation's history.

Hope this helped, and happy writing!!!!!

#writing #writing tips #writing advice #writeblr #booklr #writing help #writer #writers #history #historical fiction #fiction #creative writing #tips for writers

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catboywizard · 3 years

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Hey, so for the new year I wanted to talk about some of my favorite things from this year!

So, some of these things came out pre-2021, but I experienced all of them for the first time this year.

I went with 5 choices for each category. The first one listed is my number 1 favorite, or tied with the one below it. The rest are in no particular order.

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Movies:

•Spiderman No Way Home

-Fuck Disney/Sony, but I will say that I was genuinely smiling all the way home from the theater after seeing this.

•Tick, Tick… BOOM!

-Musical movie directed my Lin Manuel Miranda and starring Andrew Garfield. It’s about Johnathan Larson’s life pre-Rent, working on a musical called Supurbia right before turning 30. Exactly what a movie adaptation of a movie should be.

•Encanto

-You’ve probably already seen lots of posts about it, but basically it’s a magic family full of fantastic characters dealing with generational trauma. Some of the songs truly slap.

•Bo Burnham’s Inside

-Funny and also heartbreaking. If you don’t know him, Bo Burnham’s a comedian who combines music and comedy. Well, Inside’s all about him trying to make a comedy special while stuck in his house during quarantine. There’s not really any way to describe it that makes sense, so just watch it. (tw for all sorts of stuff including talk of mental illness and suicide. If you’re worried, I’d suggest looking up trigger warnings before jumping in)

•The Secret World of Arrietty

-Studio Ghibli movie that I think is really underrated. All about a race of tiny people called Borrowers who live hidden away in the houses of ‘human beans,’ taking only what they need. It’s super cute!

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Tv:

•What We Do In The Shadows

-So chaotic and good and fantastically queer. I legit could never fully express how this show makes me feel, I truly love it so so so much. Hilarious comedy about vampires in modern day. I cannot recommend it enough.

•Young Royals

-Short Swedish show about a Prince falling in love with a boy from his new private school. It’s a really cute romance, but the show itself is really good on its own. (tw for vomit in the first episode)

•Over The Garden Wall

-You’re probably already familiar with this fantastic miniseries from Cartoon Network, since it came out years ago and is super popular. Well I finally watched it this year, and I definitely think it lives up to the hype. It’s super creepy and fun. Perfect for around Halloween.

•WandaVision

-I absolutely loved it, but if you’re not already into marvel stuff, it’s not gonna make much sense.

•Bob Ross: The Joy of Painting

-Ok, I know I’m literally decades behind on this one, but I only watched it for the first time this year. Super calming and enjoyable. Definitely check it out if you haven’t before.

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Games:

•Inscryption

-Literally finished this like 2 hours ago, and it’s what made me think of making this list. It’s so fucking good, I’m obsessed. You definitely wanna go in blind, but I will say it’s a creepy card game with some roguelike, escape room, and rpg elements. (tw for blood and self harm)

•Slime Rancher

-This is the game I definitely logged the most hours in from this list, with ~30 hours in my first playthrough and ~45 hours in my second (both this year). Super cute exploration/farming sim game with a surprisingly heartwarming story.

•Jackbox Party Pack 3

-another thing I was definitely behind on lol. Party pack 4 is still my favorite so far, but I absolutely loved this one when I played it for the first time this year. A pack of a bunch of iconic minigames to play with friends. Great for keeping touch during Covid!

•Spiritfarer

-You are the new spiritfarer, tasked with bringing spirits to their final destination with your magic boat. You get to explore this super cool world while developing relationships with the spirits. I cried way too much while playing this, but like in the best way.

•Townscaper

-super cute game where you get to design your own towns on the water. Super simple ui and fantastic graphics. There isn’t a crazy ton you can do, but it’s super enjoyable anyways.

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Books:

•One Last Stop by Casey McQuiston

-lesbian romance about an ex-child detective turned waitress and her girlfriend who’s kinda dead and has been trapped out of time on the New York subway Q train since the 70’s. Ah, classic love story! But seriously, I highly recommend. It also gets pretty spicy if you’re into that lol. Oh, and did I mention the major found family vibes?

•The House in the Cerulean Sea by TJ Klune

-another gay romance story with a huge focus on found family! Who woulda guessed? This one is very different thematically, but just as good. Older main character who reluctantly falls in love with a house full of “dangerous” magical kids and their kindhearted caretaker.

•Legendborn by Tracy Deonn

-this book is just full of fun stuff like magic and secret societies, but it also deals with serious subjects like how racism is deeply ingrained in so many of our institutions, and how being passive about it will never actually do anything to fix the problem. It’s a bit long, but definitely worth the read.

•A Darker Shade of Magic by V.E. Schwab

-fantastically written start to a well loved fantasy trilogy. I’m currently reading book 2, and so far the quality has not gone down at all. Dimension hopping, treason, pirate girls, really fucking cool magic, this series has it all! (tw for blood and self harm)

•A Complicated Love Story Set in Space by Shaun David Hutchinson

-This one is a really fun gay romance sci fi that doesn’t take itself too seriously in the best way. It probably won’t be for everyone, but I throughly enjoyed it.

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Graphic Novels:

•On a Sunbeam by Tillie Walden

-The very first book I read this year and it absolutely did not disappoint. Another gay romance found family book, this time set in an absolutely fantastically made sci fi world. Like legit I could go on and on about how much I love the world Walden created for this story.

•Heartstopper vol. 1-4 by Alice Oseman

-Super cute gay high school romance. Not a ton to say about this one, it’s pretty simple. But, it takes that simple premise and still makes it super enjoyable anyway. I believe this one is also available online for free. (tw for eating disorders and self harm mentions)

•Squad by Maggie Tokuda-Hall and Lisa Sterle

-High school popular girls who are secretly werewolves and use their abilities to kill and eat predatory men. Need I say more? Oh yeah, there’s also a lesbian romance in it.

•The Magic Fish by Trung Lee Nguyen

-The main character is a young boy who wants to come out to his family, but struggles due to some language barriers between him and his immigrant parents. Instead, they find ways to communicate through the sharing of the fairy tales they grew up on. The art is beautiful and the story is amazingly poetic.

•Laura Dean Keeps Breaking Up With Me by Mariko Tamaki

-so different from every other queer romance story I’ve ever read. Truly unique in the best way. Perhaps if someone has broken up with you multiple times, you should stop getting back together lmao.

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So yeah! Here are some of my favorite pieces of media from 2021! Feel free to send me some of your favorites if you want to, I’d love to see them!

#original post #yearly favorites

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euaxel · 4 years

Text

heyyy, eonia. i’m reid, i’m twenty-three, still can’t read, and all i know about pjo is that it fucking rocks and the protag has the same learning disabilities that i do! also, i picked hypnos for this punk mainly to be mean to him and because in the hades game hypnos bullies me every time i die and i’m kiiiinda into it. hmu on discord one on one for the best plotting experience, but i’ll be around plenty to bug y’all in the gc too. you can read about bastard boy number one right here and under the cut we’ll get down to business.

⟨ ELLIOT FLETCHER. TRANS MALE. HE/HIM. ⟩ though the mist might prevent some from seeing it, AXEL EVERETT is actually a descendent of H Y P N O S. it’s still a question of whether or not the TWENTY-TWO year old VIDEO GAME DEVELOPMENT & COMBAT TACTICS MAJOR from BROOKLYN, USA has taken after their godly parent completely, but the demigod is still known to be quite WITTY & SELF-DEPRICATING.

be advised, axel’s a pretty heavy character. i’m gonna keep it brief for the bio & need-to-knows, tag around the parts with bold applicable triggers so you can skip around as needed, and tag this post accordingly, but just let me know if i miss anything and i’ll fix it & be safe reading. godspeed and i apologize in advance for bringing you all my personal punching bag as my first muse.

the main triggers that are gonna come up are: parental abuse, alcoholism * major, mentions of bullying, drowning * major, religious trauma, and drug abuse with some harder drugs ( particularly, weed, pills and cocaine / nothing with needles. )

general stats.

— full name , axel harley everett. — nicknames/alias , axe, ax, wolverine jr, tyler durden jr, trouble, Who? - every professor he’s ever had. — house, hypnos and mad about it. — age, 22, as of today. also mad about it. — gender, trans male. — pronouns, he/him. — sexual orientation, bisexual with a somewhat heavy masc lean. — d.o.b, january 1st, 1999. ( generally unknown to anyone but maybe siblings, he will probably lie and say Nobody Knows... I Just Am unless he really fucks with you. ) — hometown,

phys.

— height, 5′0ft even. furious about it. — eyes, brown. — hair, brown. — face claim, elliot fletcher.

misc.

— zodiac, capricorn. — alignment, chaotic good. — character inspo, lip gallagher, steve rogers ( young ), ellie from tlou1, logan howlett, stiles stilinski ( if anyone says shit i will scream ), probably someone from euphoria but i’m too scared to watch that, peter parker ( andrew garfield ), shinsou hitoshi, finn mertens, marceline the vampire queen, dipper pines, this is all over the place but it’s there. — most played spotify songs, passion for publication by anarbor, sober haha jk unless by hospital bracelet, nobody by mitski, class of 2013 by mitski, king princess’ cover of monster from adventure time, way too much phoebe bridgers, in love or whatever by future teens, and the entire front bottoms discography but especially in sickness & in flames with the hard way & bus beat well at the top of his loop. — aesthetics, bloody knuckles, left open and tipped over prescription bottles, walking on the carpet with socks to get that tingly feeling, skateboarding inside, dozing off at the bar, tangled legs in messy sheets, ten pillows on a twin sized mattress, laying down in the shower, brian sella’s cracky singing voice.

bio.

— axel was born and raised in brooklyn, new york, and he was claimed at thirteen, on his thirteenth birthday, by hypnos. — the day he was claimed, axel ceased contact with his human mother and his step-dad, and he attended a camp for half-bloods that wasn’t far from home. he spent his adolescence there year round for safety from monsters at home and abroad, then moved on to eonia. — ( parental abuse tw, drowning tw begin ) i don’t want to be too graphic here so i’m going to plainly say that axel’s mother was a very, very bad person, and the man she married was absent at his best, physically abusive at worst. axel’s powers ( hypnokinesis, namely ) were potent and difficult to control at a young age, and as a deeply religious catholic woman, this scared his mother and influenced most of the animosity in their relationship. she was convinced that the defensive visions he created and his ability to put her to sleep ( an attempt to help her, on his end; insomnia plagued her and later, it would him, too ) were of demonic origin, and tried to drown him more than once; cleansing, she claimed. the worst instance was the day he was claimed, actually — new years day, 2012; his life was saved by hypnos, and that was the last he saw of her. ( parental abuse tw, drowning tw end. ) — that said, he’s a little ( very ) hydrophobic. poseidon kids do NOT fucking interact ( i’m kidding. kind of. he Will avoid a little though ) — anyway! moving on. all of this aside, axel did his best to put his past behind him, and he was actually super stoked to learn that his powers came from somewhere good and that there was places out there for kids like him; to learn he wasn’t any kind of monster. ( still working on believing that, though.. marcelines monster.mp3 right here ) — he’s less stoked when he starts having trouble falling asleep, and really, it feels like a more cruel twist than any other fate has thrown at him ( his upbringing was chock full of mean twists, so that’s saying something ); and really, it’s more like insomnia just full on kicks in, but he can put other people to sleep. great, right? whatever, though — combat classes are kickass and he’s surrounded by babes that think he’s hilarious so things could be totally, way worse. — ( bullying tw (brief) ) for the most part, axel was pretty well liked among his peers. he was bullied as a young kid (pre-claim), but he bit back and he bit back hard, and sure, some of that followed him into his teen years but he’s more confident by then; less fun to poke at, and absolutely unhinged when provoked, so people learn better of it. the only real lasting effect was one instant that hit him a little too deep in the inferiority, when he was seventeen — he fell in love with a girl, told her that, and found himself at the end of a very mean spirited prank. he shook it off like he did anything else, or at least — he told himself he did, even if the hurt hit him somewhere a little too deep rooted ( ie. being god’s most unlovable son would naturally land him here, right? ) love’s kinda stupid anyways, so what the hell, right? (bullying tw end.)

— ( alcoholism tw, drug use tw begin ) this is already obscenely long so i’m just going to keep it to the point here and say he began drinking when he was sneaking booze in to camp at fifteen, and it just never stopped there. he’s also a massive stoner, which is all well, harmless and good for the most part; he’s always grinning, half-lidded, and has a room full of smoke at any given time. it’s the pills that do him in, and he did them at first just so he could get some shut eye, and... well. after that, because he’s dependent on them. but he keeps this part under wraps for the most part; it doesn’t have to be anyone’s problem but his, and it’s not a problem until it is one. partying’s fun, so is coke; so is taking a few too many xan’s, mdma. ( alcoholism tw, drug use tw end )

FUN FACTS!!!

— i swear he is not as doom and gloom as he sounds from the bio, and yeah, writing that made me so sad i feel like we absolutely must hone in on the fun and cute things about him!?! — he loves dnd. he can talk about it for HOURS and if you let him, he absolutely will. — adventure time makes him cry. he’s a baby don’t let him fool you. — very into cryptids, aliens, horror stories, conspiracy theories, in love with ryan from watcher, wanna be shane medej. — he loves to draw! the one thing he loves about his power is what it’s done for his imagination, and sure, he mostly draws horror things, but it’s why he went into video game development. he wants to be a concept artist. — his double major is in combat tactics because he loves fighting. he thinks it’s so fun. he’s a little nuts, actually — i mean, get hit in the face and come up grinning. all he’s ever wanted is to run a fight club and be the shortest, baddest little bitch on the planet. — he tends to nod off in weird places because he doesn’t sleep enough at night, which is sad, but; he can seriously fall asleep anywhere. standing up, in a tree, you name it. — he’s a hobby musician! he loves singing and playing guitar. — he’s a huge flirt. — loves to scare people. he’s harmless, though. like, honestly. he might make you think you’re seeing a walking toadstool but he’ll probably apologize later. — he’s very much a singing in the shower type? — clothes thief. friends and significant others beware. — actually, just kind of a thief? but of weird, little things. like, just the left shoe. puts them in a little corner in his room that he has set up like an exhibit. “things you thought you lost lol” is written on the whiteboard on the wall above it. he likes collecting rocks too. he’s a little freak!! — he’s better at the memory retrieval part of his power than the rest. naturally, as this mostly applies for other people.

WANTED CONNECTIONS. im literally so tired of hearing myself talk...

friends/squad. self explanatory!!! he’s friendly, a class clown, and a loyal friend through and through; he’s also adaptable, and his demeanor is very relaxed and inviting. he’s probably gonna have 2-3 people that he’s really close with, and he’d do quite literally anything for them. seriously, don’t tempt him. a best friend. so this is kind of vague but. i’d really love for him to have one person that is just a tier above the rest? they’d know things about him that are like pulling teeth to find out ( aka, anything deeper than his most recommended podcasts and loudmouth opinions on non important things ), someone who will call him on his shit, and maybe take care of his stupid little self when he gets too fucked up, because they’d be someone he trusts enough to let them. enemies? he probably gets along with most people until given a reason not to? but he is a loud mouth and if one of his friends gets into drama, he will stick his nose where it doesn’t belong and he will throw hands, so it could happen.

harmless rivalries. maybe even steamy ones. he’s a little shit and he likes banter so, so, so much? if given the opportunity and if someone rubs him a certain type of way, he’s so not above being a menace, although never super maliciously. just, you know, annoying the shit out of them on purpose, for fun. he’s also not above blowing a few kisses their way.

current hookups. self explanatory too. he’s a little harlot. HFBHVFNJ. it’s gonna be kinda hard to go beyond sex with him because he’s very deep in his own insecurity but he does catch feelings, he’s just mad about it when he does. i’m mostly gonna go off chem for that though! an ex. could be on friendly terms? but, it should be noted that he could’ve ghosted someone too; or pulled from the relationship when things got serious and he couldn’t choke out that ‘i love you’, even if he felt it. worse, if he did choke it out, but they didn’t feel the same way. siblings. hypnos kids he is gonna be so protective of all of u... family is hard for axel, i’m ngl, but he really wants one is the tragedy of it all, i guess? so he just really wants to be a good brother. he thinks hypnos is kind of a dick for making him but he tries not to fault him for his existence. fuck u dad i dont wanna be alive feels a little unfair. HDBHFDSJ. anyways he’s a good brother even if he is absolutely so reckless and terrifying in regards to himself but his siblings. his siblings he will do anything for. ALSO!!! FOUND FAMILY!!!! it would be kinda nice if he bonded with someone a little older maybe, could be outside of the hypnos house even, someone he’s kind of a bratty-little-brother type with.... or bratty older brother that takes your things and makes you laugh, y’know.

PERSONALITY. just tacking this part of the app on at the end too to highlight parts that i think are important for understanding who he is, and just so it’s all in one place!

toothy grins, half-lidded eyes, and keepin’ them laughing is what it’s all about, baby. axel walks with more confidence in his posture than he’s earned ( or claimed, for that matter ), and it’s the backbone of what gets him by. he’s a glowing example of the fake it ‘til you make it mentality, and he knows what he wants, usually how to get it, and doesn’t mind letting you know that. there’s an ever present mischievous glint in his eyes that says more about what to expect from him than he does, and that’s still not much? he likes to have fun, and there isn’t a whole lot of regard for righteousness or responsibility on his end, but hey! it’s usually only ever at his own expense, so what’s the damage? he’s an absolute clown and he knows it.

axel loves people. he does — you might not guess that with how elusive he is, but it’s true. there’s nothing he likes more than a good conversation with someone interesting, or maybe not even then; if there’s a sparkle in you, he’ll see it. ( might even draw it, not that you’d ever know. ) he’s warm, loyal, compassionate, relaxed, and understanding; and none of that is at the cost of being passive, or lacking passion.

as long as the vibes are right, he’s happy to just be; though, he’s known to have a fuse for certain provocations, and will jump readily at chance to fight in someone else’s honor. also, it’s not unlike him to spar for the sake of sparring; but that’s all in good fun, no worries.

there’s no way to sugarcoat it — axel has an inferiority complex. where that stems from is something he’s more self-aware of than he’s willing to admit, but he doesn’t have the patience or the will to dissect it; much less do anything about it, and he’s as bull-headed as they come — especially regarding anything related to the psyche. how much this impacts his demeanor and relationships with others varies on the situation, but one constant is that he’s going to retreat before things get bad; even if ‘things are getting bad’ exists only as his own paranoia-born hypothetical.

things can’t go bad if you don’t let them, and he’s content to keep it that way; even if it means being stuck in the stasis of missed opportunities. it’s when he’s retreating into himself that he can get irritable, anxious, jumpy; secretive, defensive, even. he’s personable until he isn’t, essentially.

#euintro #ik elliots like 5'7 but i've never let this kid be taller than me and i will not start now #parental abuse tw #bullying tw #drug use tw #alcoholism tw #drowning tw #religious trauma tw #jesus christ whats wrong with me #anyway who wants him #Because I Dont #anyway im not fucking proofreading it JBFGHBFJFBDJSKNMA im so sorry this is a monster in length

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youngerdaniel · 5 years

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Youngo’s 2019 at the Movies (with Baby Yoda)

IT’S THAT TIME AGAIN, FOLKS...

Wherein this blog crawls out of the woodwork with fresh aspirations for a more consistent content strategy in the year to come. Like a Baby Yoda emerging from his floating iron egg to great the sun. So let’s dust off some cobwebs and talk about the great movies that came out in 2019.

BRIEF UPDATES FROM THE WAFFLER This year marked a turning point. No, not that fucking decade that everybody’s making a big deal about. Not even that I hit 30 but thankfully have most of my (still not totally gray) hair... Nope, I went into business for myself. I leapt off the stable lily pad of 9-5 etc. and went freelance! Life’s been full of stories since then -- both the kind I write, and the kind I get to look under the hood on. I’m happy to report I’ve written more than ever before... Just not blogs, and mostly stuff I’m not at liberty to discuss.

*Clears throat. Pulls up the collar on his trench coat.* And I may have had more hair turn gray. Turns out, running your own ship is quite a bit of work, especially when you’re teaching yourself how the hell you do it. Nevertheless, I loved the shit out of every minute of it, and I still use phrases like nevertheless. It could easily be a blog (or several) for a different time, but the short and easy explanation of the absence is I was busy, it was fun, get over it.

Besides, we don’t actually care about whatever lame excuse I have for why I haven’t been posting. We’re here because it’s 2020 and time for a listicle, dammit! This one is neither definitive nor ranked. But dang if 2019′s fodder didn’t come sauntering into theaters like the big chuckling cherub of Christmas Present, with a cornucopia of awesomeness.

THINGS I LOVED, IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER:

UNDER THE SILVER LAKE David Robert Mitchell’s neo noir takes a fittingly existential approach to detective fiction. An enigmatic case, hidden clues and coded pop culture, Andrew Garfield’s charmingly hapless sleuth... There’s a lot to love in this weird soup of a movie. At times nightmarish, often trippy, and an excellent performance from a parrot. Late night fodder.

CLIMAX Gaspar Noe does not make sane movies. With Climax, there’s a hypnotic quality that sucks you in and drags you along on its nightmarish journey as a group of dancers drink from a punchbowl laced with drugs. The result is absolute bedlam, and everything from the lighting to the camerawork pulls its weight to put you into the action. This is the kind of thing you watch and marvel that, “Wow, they went there.” to varying degrees of satisfaction. Like a freight train barreling toward the side of a mountain, it’s hard to look away even though you know you probably should.

JOJO RABBIT And then there’s a different kind of madness. The movie that billed itself as “The movie that shouldn’t work.” Jojo Rabbit is so full of heart. This is Taika Waititi in full force, and hilarity meets real pathos. Love is better than Nazis. It’s a simple message, and I think it doesn’t need to be much more. The relevance of such a narrative in our time is pretty disappointing, but the truth seems to be that we need ones like this to come along and remind the collective. The mashup of humor with genuine drama is balanced in a way that will feel familiar to fans of THE HUNT FOR THE WILDERPEOPLE or BOY. The performances are superb, and it’s a beautiful looking film. If you missed it last year, start the new one off right and amend this problem.

US The thing I dug the most about US was how unique it felt. Original premises in horror are on the rise, and there’s no denying the man leading the wave is Jordan Peele. The social commentary elements of this followup to GET OUT play with a little more subtlety, and in some ways it almost felt like a stronger move... But I refuse to compare the two of them. US stands out in its own right, and carries some of the most memorable performances of the year. A twisting narrative that crackles with tension, and a concept that haunts the imagination. What if your every action had an equal an opposite effect on a mirrored version of yourself? A study on the impact of the class system, and a nightmarish what-if to explain the real life series of underground tunnels that span the United States. Also, that costume design! That Alexa gag! The way this one opens up at the midpoint was such a delight in the theater. I’d apologize for spoilers, but let’s be real... You’ve seen this movie.

AD ASTRA Best summed up as “Daddy Issues in Space,” AD ASTRA feels like the kind of sci-fi mysteries that were made in the late 70s and 80s. A spellbinding journey to the far edges of the galaxy to save the world, and maybe prove that aliens exist. Oh, and to stop your possibly insane father from destroying the human race on the way. Brad Pitt is on fire, and everything about this potent emotional journey remains focused on his character’s dilemma of deciding whether or not his father was a good man, what it means to him and his own isolated existence, and whether he can overcome that shit and live a life instead of taking risks. From its opening scene to its closing one, this one blends gripping life-or-death set-pieces exploring the dangers of space travel and the cyclical nature of humanity’s progress with small moments. The journey, the heart-wrenching climax, and the harrowing trip home is well worth the rental fee. Check it out.

THE GIRL ON THE THIRD FLOOR

Some horror movies exist to make you think, some exist to cover their protagonists in black goo, subject them to grueling physical and psychological lament, and chuck ‘em through a woodchipper for good measure. The Girl on the Third Floor takes your average premise of “Stubborn and troubled guy picks a fixer-upper house to flip, only to discover horrors beyond his imagining” and leans hard into the gross-outs and festering boils of body horror. Reminiscent of Evil Dead, Amityville, and Dead Alive, there’s so much insanity to love, and the movie makes some big turns -- some surprising, some daring, some a little out there. It is by no means perfect, but it’s got a charm about its rough edges. You will never look at a marble the same way again.

I LOST MY BODY

I know. “A life-affirming work” left me a little skeptical too. But from its very first frame, I LOST MY BODY is arresting. Its hypnotic narrative follows the story of a severed hand in search of its owner, and has great fun carrying you along with its troubled protagonist’s journey from a crush to obsession. The sheer amount of visual storytelling and striking imagery is worth the runtime, but for any arthouse lovers feeling a little too chilled to hop down to the nearest indie theatre can open a new tab and have at it. Didn’t expect to be as moved by this one as I was, and for that I must recommend it.

AVENGERS: ENDGAME The fact that a movie like this can even exist is pretty amazing, and I have to say, as the culmination to the Avengers saga as we know it, ENDGAME delivered something with way more heart and character than I expected. Funny, sad, bittersweet, and massively satisfying. This is the Thanksgiving Turkey dinner of movies. It’s got everything. But the best part for me was how little fighting the big superhero finale of the decade had to it. Firmly rooted in character, taking ambitious and surprising turns in their trajectories, and balancing the fanwanks with a genuinely exciting story. I mean, c’mon. Time heist? A Greatest Hits play that also recontextualizes a few of the lesser films of the sweeping franchise? The third act battle felt a little tacked-on, but the conclusion felt like exactly what we needed.

READY OR NOT I love this movie. Love it like an adorable, scrappy friend who always manages to make their social commentary entertaining. Hide and Seek turns deadly for a bride to be when she meets her future in-laws, the proprietors of a board game company that takes their product very seriously. A darkly funny survive-the-gauntlet-till-morning ride. Great characters. Awesome kills. A few really unexpected and delightfully devilish turns. Oh, and it takes a stab at privilege and how far some people are willing to go to preserve theirs. It’s got teeth, a mean bite, and it’s fun to walk around the neighborhood. If you liked YOU’RE NEXT, you will probably love this movie. I still can’t get its final few moments out of my head. And I mean that in the best way.

PARASITE Speaking of social criticism and privilege, there’s no denying the brute fucking force of PARASITE. Following a struggling family who imbed themselves into a rich family by posing as the help, this madcap game of suspense takes so many surprising turns that even describing the full plot spoils the fun. Go into this one having read as little as possible. It will take you for a spin. Part con movie, part social critique, part comedy and part tragedy, it’s a lot to digest, but it’s a damned tasty treat.

KNIVES OUT In a word, it’s fun. Rian Johnson’s locked room murder mystery packs some wonderful barbs in the side of affluence, armchair activism, and the corruptive nature of wealth. A wealthy novelist is found dead, and all of his family members have motive... But don’t let the familiar set-up fool you, KNIVES OUT plays fair with its audience, but it is a fast runner. The story jumps ahead of you almost every time you think you’ve got it figured out. Daniel Craig’s genius sleuth is full of likable energy, protagonist Marta is full of layers, and the family are all such a pleasure to watch. Several times along the trip, I had no idea where the story would turn next, or how much further the envelope could be pushed, but by the end, I came out marveling at its construction. The production design is unreal. The direction and vibe are so unique, and by the closing image, it’s nearly impossible not to enjoy the shift in values. There’s also a speech involving donuts that I will be reciting at parties for the foreseeable future.

DANIEL ISN’T REAL

I closed off the year with this wildly inventive take on the possession trope. This. Movie. Is. Nuts. Which, considering it was produced by the same folks who did MANDY, shouldn’t come as a surprise. A mind-bending tale that riffs on Jekyll and Hyde, with a great modernization tackling the concept from a mental health perspective... It’s not the first time it’s been done, but the execution is just excellent. We follow a disturbed young man whose imaginary friend hatched from a childhood trauma makes a devilish return to play hell with his adult life. It’s a psychological horror that’s FIGHT CLUB meets THE DOUBLE. Great look. Excellent creature design and visuals for a cosmic horror that makes great use of low budget devices. If you’re looking for the answer to the age old question of “Should my third act involve my protagonist battling his inner demons literally with a rooftop sword fight?” You’ve found your contender.

I’ll tell you this, reader friend. The hardest part about 2019′s slate at the box office was deciding what to see. There were so many interesting movies that came out, brimming with big ideas and social commentary. Sad as the state of the world is, there’s no denying times of unrest have a knack for yielding great art. The Trump era has made its stamp on Hollywood for better or for worse. But the rising tide of voices pushing back give me a bit of hope, and a lot of salve for the whole existential dread thing. I think that, however small it is, is good.

For what it’s worth, none of these films are reinventing the wheel or burning flags... But they are asking questions. Okay, CLIMAX, really isn’t asking anything, but it is fun as hell. There’s just as much merit in the salve as there is in the flame that caused the burn. So may your 2020 be full of entertainment. I’ll try to get some useful content up here at least every couple of months in smaller digestible forms. Now go forth and brunch, you hungover, resolution-breaking slob.

#journal #yearinmovies #2019 #year in review #baby yoda #movies #writing

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spaceagetoon · 5 years

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Get to Know Me (Taken from @yougoghkiddo-blog)

1) What is your full Name?

September Blue Rose (Not pitting my last name, sorry)

2) What is your Nickname?

B, Blueberry, Blue’s Clues, Blooragarde, Blur

3) What is your Zodiac sign?

I’m a fucking Libra! (Party)

4) What is your favorite book series?

I don’t read a lot of traditional books but my favorite comic series is Fables by Bill Willingham!

5) Do you believe in aliens or ghosts?

Both! Ghosts is just a personal belief and as for Aliens, it just seems statistically improbable that we’re alone!

6) Who is your favorite author?

I don’t have a definitive favorite but Roald Dahl is up there!

7) What is your favorite radio station?

Lofi/hip hop beats to Relax/Study to

8) What is your favorite flavor of anything?

Idk 😅

9) What word would you use often to describe something as great or wonderful?

“Rad” typically

10) What’s your current favorite song?

I’ve been really digging “HateF**k” by The Bravery and “Kids” by PUP

11) What’s your favorite word?

“Boy” is pretty good

12) What’s the last song you listened to?

Currently listening to “Wait a minute!” By WILLOW

13) What TV show would you recommend everyone to watch?

Bojack Horseman

14) What’s your favorite movie to watch when you’re feeling down?

Mulan, Heathers, or Scott Pilgrim. Pretty different I know 😅

15) Do you play video games?

I’m a true gamer 😎

16) What’s your biggest fear?

To be forgotten

17) What is your best quality, in your opinion?

I’ve got a pretty good taste in music

18) What is your worst quality, in your opinion?

I can be selfish and possessive, which I hate

19) Do you like cats or dogs better?

Both 🥺

20) What is your favorite season?

Late summer early fall

21) Are you in a relationship?

Not really?

22) What is something you miss from your childhood?

My innocence and sense of hope

23) Who is your best friend?

@crybabycrush and @/avocadoclo who doesn’t have a tumblr 😅

24) What is your eye color?

Blue!

25) What is your hair color?

Currently Blue and pink

26) Who is someone you love?

My sisters, my best friends, a few others

27) Who is someone you trust

Nobody a whole lot (yaaayyyyyy trauma!)

28) Who is someone you think about often?

@crybabycrush and Dan Avidan 🥰

29) Are your currently excited about/for something?

MTAC 2020 and cosplaying Shadow the Hedgehog!!!

30) What is your biggest obsession?

I was gonna make a joke but for real it’s Game Grumps/Ninja Sex Party

31) What was your favorite TV show as a child?

Bear in The Big Blue House, says so my mom.

32) Who of the opposite gender can you tell anything to, if anyone?

I’m non binary so uhhhhh

33) Are you superstitious?

34) Do you have any unusual phobias?

Ants, Tall Buildings/Statues, more that I’m forgetting at the moment

35) Do you prefer to be in front of the camera or behind it?

In front. I’m an attention whore 😅

36) What is your favorite hobby?

Drawing!

37) What was the last book you read?

I fully don’t remember. I almost never read

38) What was the last movie you watched?

Garfield Gets Real LMAO

39) What musical instruments do you play, if any?

Sadly, none 😞

40) What is your favorite animal?

Birds, frogs, foxes

41) What are your top 5 favorite tumblr blogs you follow?

In no particular order, @shittycryptids @shittythrifting @one-time-i-dreamt @simpscreens and @i-am-a-fish

42) What superpower do you wish you had?

Shapeshifting!!!

43) When and where do you feel most at peace?

Anytime I’m with @crybabycrush 🥰

44) What makes you smile?

Good music and nice art

45) What sports do you play, if any?

Lol nah

46) What is your favorite drink?

Any fruit juice!!!!

47) When was the last time you wrote a hand-written letter or note to somebody?

I don’t think I ever have?

48) Are you afraid of heights?

Yep

49) What is your biggest pet peeve?

Whenever someone talks over somebody

50) Have you ever been to a concert?

Two!! First Ninja Sex Party and second P!nk!!

51) Are you a vegan/vegetarian?

I’m slowly working my way up to vegetarian

52) When you were little, what did you want to be when you grew up?

Either an astronaut or a chef

53) What fictional world would you want to live in?

Monster Prom!!!!

54) What is something you worry about?

What I’m going to do with my life

55) Are you scared of the dark?

56) Do you like to sing?

I LOVE to sing

57) Have you ever skipped school?

I was homeschooled my entire life so uhhhh

58) What is your favorite place on the planet?

Yet to find it

59) Where do you want to live?

New York or LA, maybe space.

60) Do you have any pets?

7 cats, 1 dog, and 1 chinchilla

61) Are you more of a early bird or a night owl?

Night owl for sure

62) Do you like sunrises or sunsets better?

Sunsets

63) Do you know how to drive?

I’m a virgin who can’t drive

64) Do you prefer earbuds or headphones?

Earbuds

65) Have you ever had braces?

Nope!

66) What is your favorite genre of music?

God I have no idea

67) Who is your hero?

Dan Avidan and Arin Hanson

68) Do you read comic books?

Yeah!! Mainly Fables, Harley Quinn, and Gwenpool!!

69) (nice) What makes you the most angry?

People who think their better than everyone

70) Do you prefer to read on a electronic device or a real book?

Real comics, digital fan fic

71) What is your favorite subject in school?

Idk art history?

72) Do you have any siblings?

An older sister and a younger sister!

73) What was the last thing you bought?

Fishnets LMAO

74) How y’all are you?

5’1

75) Can you cook?

I can bake! Cook?? Eh kinda 😅

76) What are three things you love?

Music, Video Games, and conventions

77) What are three things you hate?

Cringe culture, my dad, and conventions

78) Do you have more female friends or more male friends?

I actually probably have more non binary friends

79) What is your sexual orientation?

Bisexual!

80) Where do you currently live?

A constant state of anxiety

81) Who was the last person you texted?

My brother in law

82) When was the last time you cried?

Yesterday?

83) Who is your favorite youtuber?

Forever Game Grumps, but currently Sorrow TV and SnapCube

84) Do you like to take selfies?

Occasionally

85) What is your favorite app?

Mario Kart Tour

86) What is your relationship with your parents like?

Mom, pretty good. Dad, not so much.

87) What is your favorite foreign accent?

A less posh British accent? (Sorry I don’t know all the areas😅) and French

88) What is a place you’ve never been to, but want to visit?

New York, France, And Japan

89) What is you favorite number?

69 ;)))))) I have no idea

90) Can you juggle?

Not very well

91) Are you religious?

Not very

92) Do you find outer space or the deep ocean more interesting?

Outer space. I’m terrified of the ocean.

93) Do you consider your self to be a daredevil?

I consider myself to be a dumbass

94) Are you allergic to anything?

Pumpkin and long haired cats

95) Can you curl your tongue?

Yep

96) Can you you wiggle your ears?

Nope

97) How often do you admit that you were wrong about something?

Not very

98) Do prefer the forest or the beach?

Neither?

99) What is your favorite piece of advice that anyone has ever given you?

I honestly can’t think of anything

100) Are you a good liar?

LMAO NO

101) What is your hogwarts house?

Hufflepuff

102) Do you talk to yourself?

Uhhhhhh yeah

103) Are you an introvert or an Extrovert?

Introvert 100%

104) Do you keep a journal/diary?

Occasionally

105) Do you believe in second chances?

Sometimes too much

106) If you found a wallet full of money on the ground, what would you do?

Turn it into the police I guess?

107) Do you believe that people can change?

100%

108) Are you ticklish?

Yeah but I’m not gonna tell you where

109) Have you ever been on a plane?

Nope

110) Do you have any piercings?

Just my ears but I want more soon

111) What fictional character do you wish was real?

Damien Lavey or Julian Devorak 😩😩😩😩

112) Do you have any tattoos?

No but I want some REAL BAD

113) What is the best decision you’ve made in your life so far?

Probably to start cosplaying. Even though I don’t enjoy it as much as I used to I wouldn’t know almost any of my friends if I never cosplayed

114) Do you believe in karma?

hell yeah

115) Do you wear glasses or contacts?

Not anymore! Thanks laser surgery!

116) Do you want to have children?

Really really bad

117) Who’s the smartest person you know?

Probably my mom

118) What is your most embarrassing memory?

I really don’t like thinking about that

119) Have you ever pulled an all-nighter?

Multiple times

120) What color are most of your clothes?

Black 😅

121) Do you like adventures?

YES

122) Have you ever been on TV?

I’m like the only person in my family who hasn’t LMAO

123) How old are you?

18!

124) What is you favorite quote?

“Love Everyone, Forgive Everyone, Especially yourself.”

125) Do you prefer Sweet or Savory foods? (I ran out of room) Sweet!

#get to know me #me #text posts #long post

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junkyardlynx · 5 years

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You like scary stories? Good. I’ve got one. Submitted for the approval of the midnight society, or whatever. Who fucking knows. Honestly, I’m not entirely sure it wasn’t just one shared fever dream between seven stupid kids. Except the part where the dream was real. Has to be real now that I think about it. Anyway. I’m rambling. About all I can do, right now. Haha. How sad.

The year was 1998.

Good year.

Goldeneye came out in 1997, so it was really the year 0001 AG to me and my friends. We fucking loved Goldeneye.

I was seventeen and I lived alone in a small town in northwest Indiana. It’s farm country’s farm country. I’d been orphaned and bounced around since I was ten, but being nearly eighteen and relatively well-behaved was reason enough for the state to turn me loose with my inheritance. Quitters. You could stand at one edge of the town and spit to the other end. We had one bar, an elementary school, a post office, a vet, and a corner store. It sucked, but it was cheap and somewhat near the only living family I still had. I lived just above the post office and vet, which was probably the only really neat part of town, so I guess I had something going for me. Add a shitty 1988 Ford Probe bought at cost from a frustrated dealership into the mix and I was up street.

My uncle Mike lived alone too, a forty minute drive away out by the county line road. He had a pretty nice farm house to himself after my aunt Sherry filed for divorce due to her own extramarital affair. I guess when you’re surrounded by woods on all sides and the only things to keep you company are a host of chickens, a couple turkeys, a goat, a dog, and a...fucking peacock, you kinda get antsy for some excitement. I suppose a two story barn and a grain silo aren’t exciting enough. Anyway. They hadn’t taken me in after my parents died because they had their own problems and I understood. Couldn’t force a kid on someone who wasn’t going to take proper care of it.

Mike was headed into the city for the weekend to shack up with this girl he was into. He did this from time to time, too awkward to ask her to move in with him and too shy to accept her offer, so they just had their trysts. Wasn’t really my business. He called me after I got home on Friday from classes and immediately launched into his request.

“Hey killer, I’m going to see Mary this weekend. Can ya hold down the fort for me? Just feed the animals once a day and don’t let Garfield eat anything dumb.”

“Uh, sure.”

Garfield was the goat’s name.

I watched him eat the license plate off “Uncle” Van’s...van, once. His name was Van, he was a friend of Mike’s aaaaaand he owned a van. I guess life works like that sometimes, predictable and all. Anyway, Garfield would eat literally fucking anything near his big dumb idiot mouth, like most goats.

“And uh, I think there’s a bunch of beer in the fridge that’s gonna go bad. Could you do me a favor and get rid of it, bud?”

I could hear the wink through the receiver. I grinned as I pinned the receiver between my shoulder and ear, rummaging around through the cupboards to find my little book of phone numbers.

“Oh yeah, sure thing. Wouldn’t want to have bad beer hanging around in the fridge.”

“That’s what I’m talking about. It better all be gone when I get back. Love ya, kid.”

“Love you too, man. Have a good weekend.”

With an audible click, the other line hung up and I was already dialing people’s numbers. Robert was first, as he was my best and most radically tight brother-man.

“What’s up, Dingus Kong?”

Ever since he was twelve, he had the voice of a full-time, carton-a-day smoker. I was honestly a little jealous.

“There’s a beer leak at my uncle’s and we have to plug it up. Call Louis and Alex and make their dumb asses come out. You know the address?”

“Hell yeah, dude. Can I invite Jay?”

“What do I look like, a cop? Of course you can. Saves me the trouble.”

“Cool, later dickless.”

“Peace.”

It wasn’t long until I’d roped Robert, Louis and Jay into things, along with Alex, Laura and June. Alex and Louis had been dating forever and were pretty much attached at the hip, while I had a thing for June. A very quiet, subdued thing, because I operated under the assumption that no one was ever interested and that any thought to the contrary was pointless and asking for trouble.

We met up at my uncle’s house around 9. They’d pitched in and brought a shit ton of snacks but no one brought any actual food, so our diet that night was going to consist of...Natty Light, snack cakes and chips, pretty much. High school kids eat worse on a daily basis, so no one really cared. I remember being shocked at just how packed the fridge was with shitty Natty Light. Good thing I had good friends.

It was a pretty relaxed atmosphere - Louis and Alex were touchy in the corner of the living room, already a couple beers deep. Robert, Laura and Jay were playing Goldeneye on the Nintendo 64 in the den. They had a penalty game where you had to drink when you died and if you were that fucking prick that picked Oddjob, you both had to take a drink at the start of the round and two when you died. It was fair, believe me. Fuck people who pick Oddjob.

That pretty much just left June and I. We relaxed in the kitchen, shooting the shit and laughing at each other’s bad jokes. Sometimes we’d look out over the kitchen counter and down into the den / living room - the farm house’s design was always kind of odd to me, but I liked it. The whole house was a one story with a basement. You could come in through the glass sliding door and be right in the living room / den area, then turn right and go up four or five stairs to reach the bedrooms and the turnoff into the kitchen / office area where the front door was. The kitchen had a very open structure, with the sink looking down on the den, and you kinda felt like a commander if sat there and just watched everyone. So I did.

“Hey, Charles?”

“What’s up?”

I turned back towards June, taking another sip from that honestly kinda shitty beer in my hand. Ah, the taste of youth - cheap alcohol obtained through immoral or subversive means, like a really cool uncle.

“We should go out to the barn.”

“Why the hell and fuck not?”

I put on some bravado, but honestly, my uncle’s farm creeped me out. I’d stayed here for the summer once and I swore I could hear things swaying in time with the tall grass as the sun started to die. An animal would go missing every now and then, but my uncle always shrugged it off as coyotes. Never really felt like coyotes, but who was I to disagree when he was the one that lived here all the time?

“Hey, everyone! We’re going outside, time to get up in the hayloft and be stupid.”

I heard a chorus of replies and the click-whrrr of a tube television being powered off, followed by a rowdy collection of feet stomping up carpeted steps. Everyone poured into the kitchen, grabbing things like twinkies and cold hot dogs and new beers. It wasn’t long before we took the party outside, flicking the floodlights on the house on for comfort as much as visibility. We ambled as a drunken mass, slowly making our way towards the faded red barn.

I have no idea why the barn was so fucking huge, given that less then ten animals lived there. The space was equipped for a sizable amount of large livestock like cows and horses, but all that it held was a collection of idiot birds with too much love and not enough sense. A ladder leading up to the hayloft poked through a square, and we began our inebriated ascent.

It wasn’t long before we settled into a circle, talking about nothing in particular on the warm wooden floor of the loft. June had taken a seat next to me, so of course, I overthought absolutely everything before determining there was no way she was into me because why would she be? She was way too cool and cute. It was obvious.

Somehow, we got onto the topic of scary stories. Spooky scary skeleton time. I made up some dumb thing about a cannibal cult in the woods, but it wasn’t very thought out, so everyone gave me shit. Robert just thrust his beer into the air and yelled “WHAT DOES IT LOOK LIKE, IT’S ALIENS”, which got a laugh out of all of us. It finally came around to June, who began to tell us about La Llarona, a crying ghost lady in Mexican folklore.

It was actually pretty spooky until you realized June was like, four foot fucking eight with the voice of an adorable church mouse, and then you were unable to take it seriously.

We swapped a few more before silence descended on us, slow and natural. The workman’s lamps that I’d lit with a long trigger lighter burned, casting shadows along the walls and illuminating our faces. I smiled as I realized June’s head had come to rest on my right shoulder, feeling not unlike someone blessed by the attention of a regal crow.

“Dude. I’m hungry.”

“You’re always hungry, Illberto.”

I waved him off with my left hand before looking around. Something was bothering me, but I couldn’t put my hands on it. Honestly speaking, it was kinda like someone had some bodacious body odor going on and tried to cover it up with some sort of perfume. I took as...well, as discreet a sniff as possible, trying to see if it was one of us.

I don’t think it was, because the more I smelled it, the more I realized it smelled less like body odor and more like that strange stench of death. Sickly sweet, putrefaction rendering the body of something no longer alive into components for bacteria to consume. I kinda wrote it off as dead mice somewhere since I was an idiot at 17. (I still am an idiot, but I was a bigger idiot. Harder head. More impressively stupid. Anyway.) The smell was bothering me though, so I gently pushed June’s head off my shoulder and stood up.

“Since Mr. Crunch and Munch wants some food, I’m gonna run back to the house and grab some chow and booze. Anyone want anything in particular?”

No one really had an idea of what they wanted, so the group just started chanting “FOOD AND BOOZE, FOOD AND BOOZE, FOOD AND BOOZE” at me. I laughed and nodded, giving a sort of half-wave to June who just smiled at me the whole time as I went to climb down the ladder.

Too bad the ladder was gone.

I groaned in annoyance, turning around to address everyone.

“Very cool, who fucked with the ladder?”

“What are you talking about, brother-man?”

Louis piped up, head resting on top of Alex’s. I gestured dramatically at the square hole in the floor, then pantomimed the act of climbing the ladder.

“There was a ladder here. It’s gone now.”

“It probably fell, Charlie.”

There went Laura, being the voice of reason. I shrugged in assent. Stop making sense, god damn it.

“I’ll just pull a Spidey-boy and jump down. It’s like, ten feet.”

Something in my head kept telling me that people can die from slipping and falling on ice, but I ignored it. I just had to brace myself, land on my feet and not hit my brain cage. Really simple.

I walked back over to the hole in the hayloft, sitting down and scooching to the edge. That fucking smell punched me right in the nose once again, pungent and sweet. I almost stop then, but I don’t really wanna look like a goon in front of June. Uh, June and everyone else, that is.

So I stuck my foot down into the oddly deep darkness of the barn below.

Something wet and hot smacked against it, nearly wrapping around my exposed ankle.

I yelped perhaps the most pathetic sound known to man and physically extricated myself from the hole by leaping up and jumping back. Everyone laughed of course.

“What’s up, penis pump?”

Fuck off, Robert.

“Either the turkeys have really long and slimy necks now, or something down there just grabbed my fucking ankle.”

“Very funny, Charles.” Alex fixed me with a stare, assuming I was taking the piss out of everybody. Holy fuck, I wished I was.

“I’m serious, you assholes.” I’d thrust my right leg out, showing everyone my ankle and foot. A reddish brown goop clung to it, thick and viscous. The smell was emanating from it, and everyone seemed to have taken notice to it. Unless they started retching for a different reason, like my ankle being particularly abhorrent.

“Brother-man, dude, what the fuck is that?”

You’re asking me, Louie Louie?

“Yeah, that’s a negative Ghost Rider, I have no idea. I’m gonna chill up here for a bit, if someone else feels like Rambo, they can go down.”

I took off my button up and used it to wipe the goo off of my ankle, but the smell seemed to have set in. I noticed a burning sensation on my skin that increased in intensity as I wiped, but it soon faded to a dull throbbing, becoming the least of my worries. In that time, Louis got up to check out the hole.

He returned to where Alex was, face pale and stiff.

That’s when we heard it.

“veerrrryfufufufu-”

The sound stopped, then started again. Almost like someone starting a sputtering car engine.

“Verrrrry cocococococo-cokkkkkkkkkhhssssh. Wshooo fufufufufuf. Wshoooo fufufufuckt wishlatter?”

You ever have someone come up to you and say “hey, we need to talk” and you feel your stomach drop out of your body and onto the floor?

Yeah, that. That’s the feeling I felt, but way worse. After all, someone wanted to know who fucked with the ladder. Someone who couldn’t string together two words if they wanted to, and they desperately wanted to.

We’d all crammed ourselves into the back of the hayloft, the seven of us together. Oppressive darkness clung to the places not illuminated by the lamps, and the long lighter lay a good ten feet away from us. No one moved to get it. We heard it again and again, some twisted mockery of a voice continually asking who fucked with the ladder. Then it asked again, in my voice.

“Very cool. Who fucked with the ladder?”

Everyone’s eyes were on me, and I shook my head wordlessly as it asked again, perfectly, matching my rhythm and cadence and tone.

“Hey, if this is a joke because you thought the Goosebumps books were high literature, we’re gonna string you up by your earlobes dude.”

“Fuck off. It’s not. You think I got bored and recorded me fucking around before you all got here? With the tape recorder I don’t fucking own?”

I was hostile.

We were all on edge.

“I don’t know, were you man?”

“Don’t start with me, Robert.”

“Yeah, whatever, you’re a lazy piece of shit. I know you wouldn’t do this.”

“I swear to god.”

The tension was almost lifted until we heard that wet smacking again, like someone slapping a steak on pavement. It was hilarious until you realized it was probably either something dead being slammed around, or some part of the mysterious thing’s anatomy. The smacking persisted as it mercifully ceased it’s questioning, realizing it’s bait wasn’t working. Slowly, the wet squelching of flesh against concrete grew quiet and far away and the stench that pervaded the air began to thin.

I appraised everyone and jerked my head back at the hole in the hayloft.

“Okay. Okay. We’re gonna drop down and run to the house.”

“Is there any better option you have that isn’t ‘jump down and say hi to the crazy stinky murder rapist’ below us?”

“Not really, Alex. Sorry.”

“Alex and I can stay up here,” Louis offered, but she looked at him with her mouth agape.

“Are you dumb, Louis? I’m not staying in that barn alone with this thing. No, really, are you an idiot?”

I looked at Louis with a kind of knowing glance, knowing he was just trying to help out and allay her fears. Couldn’t really blame her, though.

“He’s just looking out for what you want to do. Anyway, we should all go. I’ll go down first and keep a look out while everyone comes down. C’mon.”

I honestly don’t know where I found the balls of steel I was now equipped with, but I was thankful. I think it was just this overwhelming sense of “we have to go now or something bad is going to happen.” Without giving anyone a chance to reply, I broke away from our little heard and took a running start at the hole, leaping down it before my rational mind could catch up.

I let my legs hit and then tucked myself into a roll to rob the fall of it’s momentum, coming up unscathed. I glanced around, greeted by deadly...nothing. Just silence. It wasn’t until I looked at the ground that I noticed it was covered in a thick layer of that reddish-brown goop, and it stunk horribly. I started to gag but I had the sense to bite it down. No point in putting more disgusting fluids on the floor.

“Jump down! C’mon!”

I shouted up and June practically leapt into my arms, so I caught her and set her down, giving her a tender smile. She was all of four foot eight and ninety pounds, so it wasn’t really a feat of athleticism. Of course, Robert came next, and my knees buckled as his six foot frame met mine with that peculiar rapport we had.

“No smile for me?”

“I swear, dude.”

I swore a lot, apparently.

The rest followed in suit until eight of us stood in the barn, devoid of animals as it was. I hoped they’d just run off or sought shelter, but another part of me said that wasn’t the case. I exhaled roughly and looked at our group before nodding.

“Okay, we gotta run. I don’t know when that thing’s coming back, but I can already smell that weird stink getting stronger. I think we’ll be safe in the house since we can look the doors and call the cops.”

“Wait, cops? Dude, we’re doing a little thing called underage drinking.”

Thank you for stating the obvious, Louis.

“Oh, yeah! Way better to get murdered and eaten. You’re right.”

“Point taken.”

We all murmured our assent before taking one last look around. The lamps burned, slowly dimming as their fuel began to run out. I think we left the lighter up there. Not that it mattered, I guess. I reached out and took June’s petite hand, tugging her gently towards the house.

“Let’s go.”

We began to do an awkward sort of power walk, too scared to run and draw it’s attention but not intent on going any slower than we had to. Our group of seven began to cut across the field, towards the shining lights of the farmhouse.

A horrific wet SMACK from behind us broke that fragile discipline that kept us calm. A plaintive sort of gurgling howl, like a tiger braying it’s dying cry inside of a charnel pit spurred us on, and I roughly pulled on June’s hand. Her fingers slipped from mine for a moment, but her strong and lengthy fingers found mine, slick with what I assumed was sweat. I didn’t bother looking back as the warm porch lights flooded my vision. I let go of the hand I was holding and turned around to regard our group of eight, making sure everyone was there.

Wait.

Eight?

June, Robert, Louis, Alex, Laura, Jay, and myself. Seven. I glanced at my hand, realizing it was slick with that peculiar fluid. I kept the gorge rising in my throat down, somehow.

Swallowing both vomit and my fear, I began to inspect everyone before herding them inside, one by one. There wasn’t a face I didn’t recognize, but there was an extra person here. I got June, Alex, Robert, Laura and Louis into the house before I realized it.

There were two Jays.

“Hey Jake, come inside.”

Jay kinda gave me a weird look, wondering if I was actually an idiot. The right Jay, anyway. The other one just slowly started to walk forward.

“Hey, I said Jake come inside man. Practice your manners dude.”

My stare was insistent on the real Jay’s, begging him to come in and not make a scene. He shrugged and stepped inside, and only a moment later I was behind him, slamming the sliding glass door so hard I thought I’d shatter.

The Jay that wasn’t Jay pressed it’s face to the glass and that fetid liquid began to pour from it’s nose as it’s now-malformed hand began to tap lightly on the glass. What looked like clothes began to slough off in thick puddles of what looked to be flesh, pooling on the patio.

“Come inside. Hey. Manners. Come inside. Hey. Come inside.”

Robert had noticed what was going on and yelled in what I’m sure he’d want me to report was a very manly and commanding shout. Basically, he screamed like a little bitch. Everyone else noticed and booked it up the sort little landing to the second tier of the house, not willing to look at what was happening anymore.

I couldn’t look away. It gently tapped at the glass, as a second figure approached from the darkness, eventually pressing it’s face to the glass.

My face.

I watched my own face melt away into nothing, forming a featureless expanse of skin with two unseeing and empty eye sockets. The me that wasn’t me tapped politely on the glass like a door-to-door salesman, asking to be let in.

That sure wasn’t fucking happening. In a haze, I waddled backwards, reaching for the phone that sat on the coffee table by the sofa in this 70′s decor mess of a living room.

It wasn’t there. The cord lay neatly on the table, but the entire phone was gone. It looked deliberate, which means that...well, it meant that my uncle took it with him.

Something clicked in my mind, but I buried it as I pedaled backwards slowly, approaching the display cabinet that held my grandmother’s prized compound bow. I heard from my uncle that she’d been an avid hunter into her 90′s and only passed due to the ravages of...well, a car wreck. I was never more thankful to have a badass relative I’d never met than when I pulled that compound bow out of the display cabinet and nocked an arrow.

Never mind the fact that the last time I went bow hunting was when I was like, twelve.

I stared down the two creatures, still begging to be let in in my voice. My hands trembled even as I began to draw back the heavy string. God damn, grandma, how strong were you? What the hell.

I strafed up the steps, muscles in my arms screaming for release, but I told myself that they couldn’t come in unless they were invited. It was just a glass door, and these things weren’t dumb, apparently. I don’t know what they were. I’d met strange things in the woods around the house, but never anything like this. Obviously. The surreality of it all made it seem absurd to even question what they were.

It wasn’t until I reached the kitchen with everyone else that I could slowly release the tension and lower the bow, though I kept the arrow nocked and ready. I gave everyone in the kitchen a wary nod as they huddled together, staying deathly quiet. Looking over the kitchen counter and down into the den, I could see one still tapping on the glass. The other was gone.

A soft knock at the door by the office let us know where the other had wandered off to. It repeated a broken string of words in my voice, asking to be let in, saying it was very cool. It’d be humorous if it wasn’t fucking terrifying.

Wordlessly, I huddled everyone back into the hallway and lead them to my uncle’s room, unlocking it with the key I had. It was the furthest bedroom away from everything else and had a clear line of sight to the hallway, so if they somehow broke their self-imposed rules, I could at least take a steady shot. The door creaked open and the bedroom lay before us as I flipped on the light.

My uncle’s room was surprisingly sparse and barren. No personal effects remained and you could tell where the furniture had been moved in a hurry, like someone was looking for something. It gave the feeling of someone that wasn’t coming back, and the discontent in my heart grew.

“Yeah, think he’s been moving stuff over to his girlfriend’s place.”

I said to no one in particular, placating questions before they could come out. A barren mattress lay on a box spring in the corner.

“Let’s stay in here tonight. It’s not gonna be comfortable, but a couple of people can take the bed and the rest of us can take the floor. I’ll keep watch.”

“Charles...”

Robert sounded concerned for once. I laughed. I glanced back and his face soured before he smiled.

“Nevermind, you’re still a penis pump.”

Everyone, still slightly drunk and nervous, began to occupy their own space in the empty room. I sat against the open doorframe, bow laying on my lap, trained down the hallway. Minutes slipped into hours, and everyone began to pass into a light sleep.

Everyone except me.

The sight of the flesh sloughing off their mutable frames was burned into my mind. Not much sleep to be found after that.

Throughout the night, I heard taps all around the house, like a diligent inspector checking for termites in wood. If I strained my sleepless ears, I could hear my own voice rattling through the walls. The deathly sweet stench of the barn had returned, permeating my brain and setting up residence there.

Once or twice, I thought I heard tapping and murmuring at the single window in my uncle’s bedroom, but surely that wasn’t possible. It was a good eight feet of the ground, as the room sat on the second “tier” of the house. I dozed for a moment and the tapping seemed to grow more and more furious, so I shook myself awake. I began to dig the bowstring into my finger, rubbing it up and down, fraying my own skin until it bled.

I felt like I was going to go insane.

A few long hours later and the sun began to rise, banishing the tapping noise with it and the scent after that. I rose, looking around at the sleeping faces of my friends, relieved. I looked around the empty room once more and went to close my eyes before I realized there was reddish goop smeared on the window of my uncle’s bedroom.

I’d been watched, all night.

All of us had.

How many had there been?

Enough to replace us?

Did it matter?

Adrenaline flooding my exhausted body, I crept around the house and checked every window, every door. They were all smeared with handprints, fingerprints, imprints of faces traced in that corpse-goo. My stomach roiled heavily, the beer and junk food of the night before threatening to come up.

We were supposed to be a sacrifice, weren’t we?

The copious amounts of beer. The lack of a phone. My uncle’s personal effects all gone from his room. I suppose the rest, even grandma’s bow, was replaceable to him. Including me.

I woke everyone up and told them we should leave. No one fought it, considering we’d survived the night by listening to me. It was a sort of hollow and empty accolade, but I’d take it.

As Robert and June piled in my Ford Probe outside, I snuck a peek at the barn. Dark red stains and the remnants of feathers, fur and flesh stained the outside of it’s semi-dilapidated structure, as if the animals had been killed by being thrown at the walls in anger. I swallowed dryly, realizing what those wet thuds and smacks had been.

We spent the rest of the weekend together, all seven of us. One night at Robert’s, the rest of the day at June’s. I tried several times to contact my uncle, but his girlfriend’s landline was disconnected and his emergency cell phone wasn’t picking up.

Abandoned twice by the family that wouldn’t even take me in, I guess.

I never found out what those things were. My uncle’s house was marked as abandoned and reclaimed by the bank, eventually being sold at auction for dirt cheap. I didn’t care. I’d stayed away from the forested areas and anywhere approaching natural, and even took to a vegetarian diet for a few months.

Eventually the memory faded, and years later I had almost forgotten about it. Life went on, and I remained in that cozy little apartment above the vet’s office and the post office.

Until tonight.

When I smelled something sticky-sweet, like what the insides of a pitcher plant must be.

Where something tapped at the door to my apartment, begging to be let in.

Where my own voice begged me to be let in.

#writing #my writing #horror #rural horror #farm horror

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purplesurveys · 5 years

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It was Gabie’s 21st birthday gift for me :D Are you always available or online? Yeah, pretty much. LTE is always easy to turn on, and I have mobile load to text all throughout the week. I’m never without either. Which product is showcased on you all the time? I guess Apple, since I always have my phone with me. Do you have dietary restrictions? Or do you just eat what you like? I can eat whatever I want, that is to say I don’t have bad reactions to anything, I just choose not to eat certain food. Do you prefer gold, silver or steel jewelry? Or no jewelry at all? Silver looks best for me. Gold can look tacky if worn at the wrong time (thanks Holly Golightly for making me realize this), and steel smells. Is your summer going to be crazy? It kinda is! I’m doing internship and it’s been a ride so far. Other than that though, no crazy parties or nights out or anything. Just a whole summer of transitioning like an adult haha. Have you been binge watching any shows lately? If so, what? I missed watching Friends since school kept me super busy, so I’m re-binge watching the whole thing. If you dye your hair, do you do it yourself or go to a salon? I’ve never dyed my hair but I’d prefer to have it professionally done should I decide that I actually want colored hair. Do you prefer permanent dyes or washouts? Washouts, honestly. I go to church every Sunday and I don’t think they’d appreciate a girl with brightly-colored green hair sitting in one of their pews. I’d rather spare myself the stress and give myself temporary dye. If you have any, do you like your in-laws? I don’t have any yet. If you don't, what kind of in-laws would you like? Family-oriented, affectionate ones. I won’t like them very much if they’re reserved, appear closed off and/or not make the effort to talk to me and get to know me. Would it bother you, if your partner had cut contact with their parents? Not at all. I’m kinda wanting to do the same thing so I’ll be empathetic and offer my support. Have you ever wondered whether you were adopted? Only during puberty, which is really usually the time when teenagers are angry at the world and think that everything is working against them haha. At 15, I kind of just quietly accepted that my mom is my real mom even though she acts like she genuinely hates me. What's the best physical feeling in the entire universe? Chewing on some good fucking food after a whole day of not eating. If you could freeze time, how long would you freeze it for? Depends on where I’m frozen at. Right now I kinda want it to hurry up so I can see my girlfriend sooner (she’s coming over later today), so freezing won’t work. And what would you do during that time? When's a good moment for you to just stop for a while? Maybe if I’m at the beach, just relaxing. Have you ever grown a berry bush? No. What's better than sex? Usual, boring, 2011 answer – pizza. It really is better though :(( What makes you feel excited? Free food. Judging from these recent answers, maybe I’m just hungry lmao. What, to you, is childish? Fighting and talking about the other person behind their back instead of actually talking to that person and fixing things. It’s suuuuuch a waste of energy talking. Have you done something new to your hair recently? Nope. You got to the end! What are you going to do next? Maybe eat breakfast or take another survey.

#survey #surveys

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hashtag-amf · 4 years

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Oh, wow, this book was a joy ride. I had watched 'The Amazing Spiderman 2' on the television somewhere through the middle. Harry Osborne (Dane DeHaan) and Peter Parker (Andrew Garfield) in the spacious Oscorp office. Harry sat in a gigantic regal leather chair while Peter stood a few meters away, facing him. Harry tells Peter about his deteriorating health and says that he is in urgent need of a cure. He then shows him a video on his television screen about the animal trails that Oscorp was working on. Peter looks confused. Harry explains that he had considered using one of the trails on himself, but it wasn't ready for a human trial.

Dane DeHaan as Harry Osborne from ‘The Amazing Spiderman 2’

Harry knew that Peter knew Spiderman and requested him to get his blood sample. Peter conflicts as he wants to help him but cannot. He doesn't want to tell Harry about him being Spiderman. Harry misunderstands him, thinking that Peter doesn't want to help him. They argue. Peter is afraid that Harry might press him for more information, leaves his office. Outside, he meets Gwen Stacy (Emma Stone). Peter informs her that Harry's health is deteriorating and he is searching for a cure. He tells her that he told Harry that he isn't sure if Spiderman's blood will cure him of his ailment.

Later, Harry visits Ravencroft Institute, where he meets Maxwell Dillon. He helps him break out of his cell, and allows Max to take control of the power grid at Oscorp since it was his design. Electro causes a citywide blackout challenging Spiderman to fight him. After a long battle, Spiderman defeats Electro with the help of Gwen Stacy.

But that was not all. The real villain was yet to arrive. Harry Osborne's health was deteriorating at a fast pace. Unable to control the pain, he gets hold of one of the scientists working in the lab and orders him to open one of the vials. He orders him to inject the serum in his veins, which the scientist opposes at first. Harry transfers into something monstrous. The serum had opposite effects. His fingers grow into talons, his body spasm and convulse into a hunching pale green monster. His eyes lost their boyish charm. They were menacing green. His hair stuck out at odd angles. His teeth were like shards of glass.

Harry escaped from Oscorp using the glider. He reached the power grid and seeing Gwen with Spiderman, and realized that Peter is Spiderman. He realized that his childhood friend was lying to him all along. Enraged, he swoops upon Gwen and throws her down the clock tower. Peter saves her. The friends battle each other upon which Gwen falls to her death.

To build Harry's story, I researched Harry Osborne from Wikipedia. I wanted to know if Harry Osborne had any problems with his family. Well, I was right. I found some Fandom articles that Harry and Norman were not on good terms with each other. It started with an incident that haunts Norman. Harry's mother died during childbirth. His father, devastated by her death, vented all his anger on his son. Norman neglected his son. He buried himself in his work and built his company Oscorp. As a result, Harry became lonely, and they would fight often.

When I was writing the story, I never that I would write about an antagonist. I had planned to make her protagonist, but then I felt that most stories feature a protagonist. So why not create an antagonist in the garb of a protagonist. Immediately the ideas followed. Her moves were smart and fluid. Her motto—revenge. Valery was not perfect. She was taking on the world's most-loved heroes, and one slip would reveal all. She trained hard. But sometimes, her mind would play cruel tricks on her. Her nightmares became more and more real until they robbed her of her sleep.

Sokovia was a fictional country featured in AOU and Agents of SHEILD. To understand Sokovia’s past, I jumped to Wikipedia only to find that there was a lot of information about it. There were references that Ultron had destroyed Sokovia like how it was in AOU. I used Sokovia as the birthplace of my antagonist. I gave her a sorrowful backstory and included the plot of revenge. Her only confidant was her brother, who sympathized with her and understood her.

Once Valery murders Timothy in his dorm, her suspicions on who was spying on her grows. Her mentor leaves the rest of the mission in her hands as SHIELD was looking out for a suspicious person. Valery makes a new plan to kill Peter Parker (Andrew Garfield) using Venom (Eddie Brock)'s help. She attends Harry Osborne's party, where she mixes a drop of poison in his drink and escapes. The reason I included Venom in this book was that he would act as a lookout for her. Venom has a dislike for Spiderman in the comics, so I needed to get them together. Valery convinces him that they both can finish off Spiderman together.

Valery gets a shocker when she gets back to Sokovia. When you read the book on Wattpad, you’ll learn that Sokovia is not a democratic country. She forms a secret organization. They buy arms and ammunition to overthrow the government. After a lot of resistance from the royal soldiers, they manage to overthrow the fake monarch. But nothing lasts forever. Valery dies on the day of her coronation by the monarch's faithful duo.

Now coming to the name of the book. The reason I named the book ‘The Devil Amongst Us’ is quite simple. The answer lies in the title itself. Valery was 'the devil amongst the American citizens.' So 'us' refers to the people of America. An outsider, living like an American citizen. I had planned to name it 'The Devil May Cry' based on the Japanese slasher video game of the same name. I have never played the video game, but I had read about it in a local newspaper. It had two or three parts after the first was a hit.

Once the English version of TDAU was out, I made a Bosnian version of it. I translated it using Google Translate. And boy, the damn website would only translate one page and a time. I have no idea how accurate the translation is. I crossed my fingers and relied on Google to do it.

Edited by @wayward-heronstairs, @hashtag-amf and Hemingway Editor

#thedevilamongstus #wattpadwriter #writing #writingideas #howtoresearchlikeme #wattpaders #wattpad #hashtag-amf #write #blog #tumbrblog #wattpadstories #writinginspirations #sokovia #harryosborne #spiderman fanfiction #antagonistwriting #femaleantagonist #writersoftumblr

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yeonchi · 4 years

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Kisekae Insights #8: Defining the Time War and the Parallax War

A major part of my stories revolves around the Last Great Time War. No, not that Time War between the Time Lords and Daleks, but the Last Great Time War on Earth, mainly fought by humans fighting for – alright, it’s between the Time Lords and Daleks. Many battles in the Time War weren’t directly fought between the Time Lord and Dalek factions, but they were enabled by either faction. This is the Time War I will be referring to in this series, except where stated or implied.

Another minor influence of my stories is the Parallax War. It was based on a sort of game/drama I played with a couple other friends where we were fighting an enemy named Antoni, who I later defined to be a Kaled similar to Davros. I had hoped to write a recount of those battles for Soulbound, but after putting it off due to other things, I decided to make an original story for it because I couldn’t remember a lot from those days.

The Parallax War

The Parallax War was named after the Australian children’s TV series Parallax. I didn’t watch it back in the day, but my friend did and so my understanding of the series and its elements came from how he implemented them into our games. Initially, we fought individual entities like Hackbot, an AI that went out of control and created a robotic body for itself, and Heavy Metal Monster (HMM), a “heavy metal” robot who can turn into a train and leads an army of robots. Later, when a third man joined our games, our main enemy became Antoni.

Because it has been a long time since our game ended (when we had to graduate from primary school), there is a chance that my details of it will be wrong, but in any case, this is my current interpretation of those villains. Like I said, Soulbound was intended to be a reboot of the Parallax War with the intent of recounting it, but I later decided to make it into its own thing. Hackbot and HMM were in Soulbound, it’s just that they are a bit different to their Parallax War counterparts.

Setting and Background to the Time War

Before I tell you about the Time War, I should tell you about some things that were essential for it to even be possible. I’ve told you a bit about the setting in the introduction, so this is a bit of a recap.

The setting of the personal project is based on the city of Melbourne in Australia (which just so happens to be where I live). Sometime between 1992 and 1999, the Kennett Government established One Country, Two (Naming) Systems, which would superimpose the names of places and suburbs in Melbourne with the names of places and suburbs in Hong Kong, Japan, Taiwan or even a little bit of Russia. This later extended to the whole of Australia, with states being split up and named after Chinese provinces. If Melbourne was Hong Kong, then Victoria would be Guangdong Province, or you could call them Melbongkong or Guangtoria.

Following the Dimensional Merge in 2007, the Archangel Tunnel System was established, powered by the same satellites that powered the Archangel Network. This allows people to get to versions of Cardiff, Sao Paulo, Tokyo, Chiba or northern Taiwan from three tunnels that turn off the Eastlink tollway in Melbourne. The centre of the tunnel system is in Tokyo. If you went north, you could head to Taiwan, or if you went west, you could go to Melbourne through Sao Paulo and Cardiff (one of the routes also passes through Shizuoka).

A majority of the Time War was fought by soldiers and officers born around 1998 that would graduate high school in 2016, meaning that they were child soldiers. During the same period that One Country, Two (Naming) Systems was established, the Arming Schools for the Future program was also established thanks to the machinations of individuals linked to the Daleks. As a result, preschools, primary schools and secondary schools became militarised, resulting in countless inter-school battles (like round-robin sport but deadlier). Other smaller armies not affiliated with the schools would pop up from time to time.

Following the 9/11 attacks, premier Steve Bracks (who is of the opposite party to Jeff Kennett) vowed to abolish the Arming Schools for the Future program. Following Bracks’ victory in the 2002 election, the people behind the program became paranoid and were trying to find any way they can to prevent it from being abolished. A few months later in March 2003, they manage to tip the scales by turning two preschool armies, who were in talks to form an alliance, against each other. Coincidentally, those were the armies that young Hiroki and Akari were in. The ensuing battle marked the start of Hiroki and Parker’s rise to power and conquest of the land.

Finally, when the Gonski Report was released by the federal government in February 2012, it was found that there was increased child and youth violence in Melbourne because of the program, so a bill was passed that would force the state government to phase out the program by the end of the year. By July 2012, 90% of the armies had already begun demilitarisation, but the government decided to begin a crackdown on those that had not already begun the process. It was only after a fierce battle involving Hiroki that his secondary school finally started converting their armies into classes, but by then, Hiroki had decided to leave and become a ronin.

Even with Arming Schools for the Future gone, the Time War still wasn’t over as the Daleks were still working behind the scenes to defeat Hiroki. I’ll go more into this next.

An Overview of the Time War

So, as I said, the people who started the Time War were people linked to the Daleks. In actuality, it was Akari’s relatives who started it and kept it going after schools were demilitarised. Akari is the granddaughter of the Kaled Antoni. When the Daleks went to war against the Time Lords, Antoni joined the cause as well and encouraged his children to support him and further the Dalek cause on Earth. With help from another Kaled who was sent by Antoni, they found a suitable candidate, namely Hiroki, who was known for pushing and fighting other kids at his preschool. Discovering his link to the Doctor and the Time Lords, the Daleks saw him as a target and so, they attempted to use Akari to kill him. The Daleks would manipulate their timelines so they would meet before they were supposed to actually meet in the real timeline and Akari would become acquainted with Hiroki for some time before killing him.

Of course, in order to cover this plan up, a lot of distractions were utilised, particularly the fighting between the schools. The real conflict didn’t start until around 2011-12, so in the meantime, we were left with armies fighting each other.

Following the Dimensional Merge, a lot of fictional characters started appearing on Earth, many around Hong Kong, and formed armies in order to survive in this hostile environment. Where the schools represented the armies of late-Han Dynasty and Three Kingdoms period China, the armies led by fictional characters represented the samurai clans of Sengoku period Japan. In case it wasn’t obvious, it is an homage to Dynasty Warriors and Samurai Warriors (along with some elements of Warriors Orochi).

After being charged for insubordination in their preschool army, Parker and Hiroki are assigned to the Special Unit, where they were placed under supervision. The unit was carried over to their primary school army, where Parker and Hiroki later took full control and recruited their own comrades, with Fifi and Big Chris being among the first. In 2011, Parker was able to maintain the Special Unit as an independent army while Hiroki moved to his secondary school army. They disbanded following Parker’s death and Parker never reformed it after his revival.

Some of the other samurai-based armies were as follows:

Oda Army (led by Mario, contains characters from the Mario franchise)

Akechi Army (led by Alex, contains original human characters from the Mario Tennis series)

Toyotomi Army (led by Jon Arbuckle, contains characters from Garfield, U.S. Acres/Orson’s Farm – I’m sorry, Wyatt Duncan – and the original human characters from the Mario Golf series)

Maeda Army (led by Bowser, consists of characters from the Koopa Troop)

Shibata Army (led by Wario, contains characters from the WarioWare games)

Tokugawa Army (led by Sonic, contains characters from the Sonic franchise)

Date Army (led by Dr Eggman, consists of his minions)

Takeda Army (led by Maurice Mouseling, contains characters from Angelina Ballerina)

Sanada Army (led by Ms Mimi)

Uesugi Army (aka the Salacian Army, led by the Shark King, contains characters from Sea Princesses)

Naoe Army (led by Toad, consists of various Toads)

Lucky Star armies (see #6 for more info)

Shimazu Army (consists of the Hiiragi family)

Chōsokabe Army (consists of secondary characters and also contains characters from Koihime Musou)

Azai/Asakura Army (consists of secondary characters)

Hiroki was only in his secondary school army for 18 months before he left to become a ronin when his army began demilitarising. Throughout the second half of that, new threats arose, such as the Teiro Army and Girl Power, two armies who swept Hiroki up in their conflicts. Towards the end of 2013, Hiroki married Akari, but not long after, the Teiro Army took control of Girl Power and had Akari betray Hiroki so they could execute their nefarious plans. Hiroki went on an all-out campaign to fight Girl Power with the help of his friends. Girl Power became unstoppable when they allied with other armies, mostly consisting of Hiroki’s former enemies, to the point that it took the second coming of Jesus to stop them for good. The defeat of the Teiro Army commander marked the end of the Time War on Earth.

My stories have changed a lot over the years as I’ve had to rewrite them to retcon some small things long after I’ve finished them. My main explanation is that the events of the Time War and Parallax War caused reality to be warped and certain details in time to be in flux, meaning that certain things in time could be different from the point of view of different people, different times and different universes. The Dimensional Merge, the creation of the dimensional bridge, the black hole paradox and the coming of the demonic overlord also contributed to the warping of reality, but those are stories for another time.

#kisekae insights #doctor who #dynasty warriors #samurai warriors #parallax

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twistednuns · 4 years

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April 2020

Let's get started this month with my list of quarantine activities. You know what is so beautiful about this whole situation? I have relearned how to play. I got my urge to be creative back. I'll follow any urge and interest because why not? It's not unlike how a child would spend their day. I have so many new projects and even though I feel like I don't really accomplish anything these days I actually do so much. My balcony is lush and green, the first seedlings have sprouted and found their way towards the light. Like a little garden. I am cooking and baking almost every day, trying new and exciting recipes. I draw and make collages, I got a new carving knife and I love sitting in the afternoon sun on the balcony, making a mess, working on my little wooden bird. I found happiness. Stillness. I'm good at being on my own. There is no pressure - only freedom. I'm so scared this feeling will go away again as soon as I have to go back to work.

Mushrooms.

An iridescent nail polish called Mermaid Fantasy. The 90s are back.

Cherry-flavoured diet coke (man, I LOVE artificial cherry flavour). Peppermint tea with milk.

Finding out that I have the same sun sign (Taurus), moon sign (Gemini) and ascendant (Virgo) as Sophia!

Losing my feeling for time. Only knowing what day it is when I take my vitamins in the morning (the weekdays are printed on the lids). Daylight saving is a bitch as well.

Eliot kissing Charlton in the very last episode of The Magicians. I'm so hot for Hale Appleman.

The BA test kitchen staff filming videos of themselves working from home.

Gerstaecker (resin!) and Amazon (raised bed planter!) orders getting way out of hand. But hey. I won't be able to spend my money on plane tickets so I gotta have the right supplies for some fun stay-at-home projects.

Sunset hour = rainbow hour because of the crystals I finally hung up over the balcony door.

The forest. I feel so at ease there. The colours, the light, the smell, the quietude. I have one right behind my house, I should really take a walk there more often. Walking on the soft, almost bouncy forest floor makes such a difference. I usually walk on asphalt all day - hard, cold, unforgiving. I cut some twigs with budding green leaves for my kitchen. And I spotted a cat in an alley - I actually turned around on my bike just to watch it more closely.

The word nohow - is that the opposite of somehow?

All those birdies visiting my balcony (now that there are interesting nesting materials and seeds to be stolen). I love how snatchily they keep turning their heads, it looks a little bit like a laggy glitch in a computer game.

Duolingo's story feature! You read and listen to little short stories (or longer ones - yesterday I read The Tell-Tale Heart in Spanish) and answer questions. So much more fun than those boring translations. So far I've only seen this feature in the English-Spanish course.

Smelling of honey after roasting a batch of homemade granola.

Thai curry. I still know how to make it. It's been a while.

"And Ally loved contradictions." Lena Dunham's novel Verified Strangers - she publishes a chapter every weekday on Vogue.com and the readers get to decide how the story goes on. She says a romance novel is the best way to distract people from the horrible reality these days.

Listening to Marienova's community podcast before falling asleep.

Watching Studio Ghibli movies for the first time ever. I LOVE them all so much, believe the hype! Super magical. I think Spirited Away might be my favourite so far but man, Howl's Moving Castle? Princess Mononoke? I really can't decide. I absolutely adore the tiny creatures the keep featuring like the soot sprites (Susuwatari) or the tree spirits (Kodama). Oh, and half way into Spirited Away I realised that Yubaba's German voice is Nina Hagen!!!

A really lovely letter from Lena.

Deciding to go out. Sitting down at the edge of a field, enjoying the late afternoon glow shortly before sunset. I make an effort to leave the house every day now during quarantine and it has been so good for me. The morning walk to Neuried, having breakfast in the sunshine, my visits to the forest. I love reconnecting with nature. It's such a big difference compared to my usual ways around the city - subway, asphalt, traffic.

An Easter walk through the forest with Adrian. Human contact! Gasp!

Wearing make-up for the first time in weeks. I love how it makes me look but perhaps I could start wearing it less when all this is over.

Applying my favourite Garnier sun oil on my arms just because of the smell. It reminds me of summer, the beach, time with friends.

An evening walk: almost stumbling over toads three times on a forest path / meeting a friendly black and white cat in front of one of my favourite houses / seeing the plushy toy penguins lined up on a shelf in the supermarket window. Walking past back gardens. A party, people in a whirlpool. Chalk graffiti on a lamp post. Venus shining bright.

The Virtual Orchestra makes me cry.

Playing a magical online escape game with Frank.

A break from FOMO. This phase we're going through is such a gift for me but I know I'm in a very privileged position.

Easter Monday was extremely cold but I really wanted to go to the forest so I went anyway. I love being alone in there, avoiding people whenever possible, taking the small, unbeaten paths. It was windy. I hugged a few trees and when I put my ear onto the trunk I could hear deep moaning noises because the wind made the crowns sway and the wood had to adjust. Eerie. I had never heard that before or maybe I just didn't pay enough attention.

Regularly thanking past me for being so clever and considerate, for thinking of everything and preparing accordingly. I love my new hands-on approach, it really serves me well.

Learning about Japanese pavement markings (oudanhodou ari) since I had always wondered what those diamond-shaped markings on the road meant.

Using a leaf care spray on my house plants. So shiny!

Talking to my neighbors. Learning that they're calling the big red cat that keeps walking through our backyard Garfield (I have a different name for him). They also saved me when my apartment door fell shut and gave me a ladder so I could break into my own flat by climbing on the balcony. Oh and Franky gave me his power drill because I needed to drill a hole in the balcony ceiling. More plant hangers! A project for next week: Makramee! I both hate drilling (scary, messy, have I mentioned scary?!) and love it (because it makes me feel like a feminist badass).

The smell of sunflower seed bread and sticky walnut cinnamon buns in the whole apartment.

Love in times of Corona. I'm so happy to be alone right now. I've stopped searching. I am enough.

Working with warm yeast dough.

That day I went to the forest with Manu. He arrived in my backyard and simply said Let's Romeo and Juliet this! (Doch still, was schimmert durch das Fenster dort? Es ist der Ost, und Julia die Sonne!) because he didn't want to come inside. We also tried the Rapunzel-method when I let my hair down to make him climb up the balcony but that obviously didn't work. On our way to the forest we found a plant garage sale and I couldn't resist, I took three pots and donated some money. Manu said that it was one of those moments when I get shiny eyes because I'm so happy or joyful. When we sat down in the nest made from branches a lady approached us after a while and asked us to help her friend who had fallen down. Those things only happen when Manu is with me, I swear.

Peeling a melon in one go without breaking the peel.

The mason bee makes its nest from flower petals.

Buttermilk.

Louise Bourgeois getting her fears under control.

#april 2020 #2020 #april #personal #present perfect #things i love

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megwritesfanfiction · 7 years

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The Lies We Told (Beast Boy/Raven , Chapter 5/??)

Disclaimer: I do not own Teen Titans. This is a work of fiction that I am not making a profit off of.

Author’s Note: I struggled with this chapter, but I think I won. I mean, it’s done, so victory? Victory! *nods*

Warning: This chapter contains a little citrus content! (Don’t get too excited its very, very light.)

Past Chapters: Prologue Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4

Chapter Five: Eyes Closed

“You know,” Jinx started, her fingers playing with the top of her champagne glass.

Rachel’s eyes narrowed. Her arms folded over her chest as she leaned back into the white couch. She, barely, survived the engagement party, but if she could get through that disaster, she knew she could make it through watching Terra shop for a wedding dress.

“If you keep making that face,” If only her pink haired friend would shut her mouth. “It’s going to get stuck that way.”

Rachel knew Jinx lacked the ability, courtesy, and emotional intelligence to just shut up. She just had to pray that her guilty conscience and her rage would stay quiet. She took a deep breath in, keeping her eyes on the white silk and tulle on the opposite wall. She ignored the pink haired woman and the constant buzzing of her phone.

“Geez, what crawled up your ass and died?” Jinx questioned, scoffing. “You’ve been a real bitch since the engagement party.”

Rachel reminded herself to take slow deep breaths and stay away from the free mimosas. The desserts were fair game though. With sigh, she picked up a small cheesecake shoving it in her mouth. She couldn’t bite Jinx’s head off with full mouth.

“I agree.” Kori spoke in a small voice, looking at Rachel. “You have been quite…” She trailed off, frowning as she struggled to find the word.

“Bitchy.” Jinx added in a light, happy voice.

“Tense.” Kori corrected with a sweet smile. “You seem as though you have a lot on your mind.”

Rachel sneered as she silenced her buzzing phone again. She pulled the annoying device from her pocket, reading the message on the screen.

‘We need to talk.’

She’d been right in her assumption that he wouldn’t be bold enough to talk about their kiss in the company of their friends, but she’d been wrong to think Garfield would let it go. He’d been persistently trying to contact her for the last week.

“You take care of that if you need to.” Jinx offered.

“Nothing to take care of.” Rachel shrugged.

“Are you sure?” Kori asked gently. “Because we are here to listen if you are in need of us.”

Her thumbs quickly typing a response. ‘There’s nothing to talk about it.’ She sighed, sitting her phone in her lap face down. “I’m good.” She shoved another small cheesecake in her mouth.

Jinx was too wrapped up in her own world to notice her deception.

Kori, on the other hand, was more observant. Rachel wasn’t sure if Dick’s detective skills had rubbed off her on her or her years studying human mannerisms and culture allowed her to be more in tune with others’ body language. She knew her friend wasn’t going to give up easily.

She’d have to offer more.

“I’m just tired.” The violet haired woman shrugged, sinking further into the chair. She stopped herself from tensing as her phone buzzed again.

“From what? You’re a librarian, and you teach yoga a couple times a week.” Jinx dismissed, reading for another drink. “You have nothing to be stressed about.”

“Thank you for your support.” Rachel’s voice was flat, eyes narrowed in annoyance. She turned her attention back to Kori. “With inventory, dealing with new students, new schedule at the yoga studio…” Kissing our friend’s fiancé and not feeling an ounce of regret. “I’m just tired.”

Kori nodded, appeased that her friend had opened up to her. “I suppose our weekend of over indulging did not help you rest?”

“No.” She shook her head, flipping her phone over, eyes drifting down.

‘You can’t ignore me forever.’

Rachel sighed, pushing a smile to her face. “It was fun though. I enjoyed seeing everyone.”

“Agreed!” Kori smiled. “It was all most like years ago, when we all lived in the tower?”

“I don’t miss that.” Jinx mumbled, stuffing a cracker in her mouth.

“Really?” Rachel asked, raising a skeptical eyebrow as she peeked down at her phone.

‘We have to talk about this.’

“Don’t get me wrong, I loved the social side, but I don’t know how I made it through those sixteen hour patrols.”

“Agreed.” Kori giggled with nod, grabbing a piece of fruit. “I do miss us all being in one place.”

“We all still live in Jump though.” Rachel shrugged, resting her elbow to her knee. Her phone buzzed.

‘You can’t ignore me.’

She could try. Rachel managed to when they lived together. He underestimated her. “Is Terra inviting any other former Titans to the wedding?”

“Yep.” Kori nodded. “We finished working on the guest list the other night. I think we’re going to need help with invitations.”

“How many people is she inviting?” Jinx questioned.

“It’s at least three hundred.”

‘You don’t get to ignore me because you want to forget it.’

“Terra and Gar know three hundred people?” Jinx wondered.

“I suppose if you think about all the Titans, their dates, children…” Rachel added to the conversation.

Kori nodded. “It adds up. Richard and I had about five hundred guests.”

“Thank you for reminding me of why I plan on avoiding the institution of marriage.” Jinx mentioned, grabbing another cracker. “But, the free food is nice.”

“Seriously, Jinx?”

‘I figured after all these years you would have grown up. You would always talk about me being immature, but ignoring me is immature and selfish.’

“Seriously.” Jinx grinned, leaning back with her latest mouthful. “Had I known trying on wedding dresses came with snacks, desserts, and champagne, I would have insisted on marriage sooner.” She shrugged. “Or I’d at least invest in a fake engagement ring.”

Kori giggled. “I think we’ll be in another bridal shop soon enough.”

“Wally knows better than to propose to me.”

“No,” Kori replied, light melodic. Her eyes rolled toward Rachel with a wide smile on her face.

“No.” Rachel insisted.

“I think so.” Kori gave her a knowing smile.

‘We aren’t kids, and I’m not your punching bag anymore. I understand when we were younger it was hard for you to talk about your feelings, so you acted out physically. I get it.’

Rachel shook her head firmly. “No.”

“Oh,” Kori’s smile grew to rival one of the Cheshire Cat. Her head nodded slowly as she gave a slow and cheesy wink. “I think yes.”

She made out with Gar, who she’d been pining over since she was a teenager and was engaged to one of her friends. She was trying to atone for her sin by giving up alcohol, but hearing that Garth was planning to propose to her commit to drink less.

‘But, we’re adults now. Something happened between us, and we need to talk about it. I have never asked you for anything, but the one time I ask something off you, you ignore me.’

And, she was dealing with the consequences of her ‘drunken’ kiss with Gar at the engagement party. Rachel decided that the universe was against her.

That had to be the only explanation for this nonsense.

“Looks like we’ll be helping you shop for a wedding dress soon.” Jinx smirked, raising her glass in the air to toast.

“No, we won’t.” Rachel huffed. “Garth and I haven’t even discussed marriage.”

“You’ve been together for damn near ten years, what is there to discuss?”

The purple haired woman sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose. “Quite a few things, I imagine.” She couldn’t let them know that she had no interest in marrying Garth.

“You’re so analytical about it.” Jinx laughed. “I think you can’t stand this is gonna be a surprise.”

That was part of the reason.

“It should be a surprise, right?” Kori reasoned, snatching another cracker from the tray. “That way it’s most romantic.”

“You all just told me he was going to propose.” Rachel wasn’t complaining about that.

“We never said the when.”

“But I know it’s going to happen.”

Jinx shrugged. “You’re still surprised, and I am pretty sure you’d kill us for not giving you some sort of head up.”

Her friends knew her well.

‘We are going to talk about this.’

“Are you ladies ready to see the bride?” The perky bridal consulted stepped out from behind the pink satin curtain.

“Let’s get this selection process going!” Kori cheered.

‘I’ll be at your apartment at six tonight, and I’m not leaving until you talk to me.’

“Alright, here she comes.” She pulled back the curtain, making way for the bride.

Rachel had decided she would call Garfield’s bluff.

After the bridal shop, she decided to go anywhere and everywhere but her apartment. At 5:59pm she turned off her cell phone and visited Garth during his shift at the police station. She figured if she brought him dinner and ate with him that could kill at least an hour, and Rachel hadn’t complained when she was there for all most two hours. She didn’t want to admit that she hadn’t heard a word that he said. She’d grown into the habit of tuning in when she had to, and returning his ‘I love you’ to keep him satisfied and unsuspecting.

After the police station, Rachel intentionally took the wrong train home to delay her another hour. When she finally reached her block, she ventured into wine shop at the corner and decided to treat herself. She wandered through the small fresh food market. Her feet moved leisurely down each aisle and absentmindedly purchasing popcorn, a few chocolate bars, and a few other junk food items.

And just to be sure, she decided to talk to the woman preaching salvation and handing out brochures at the corner. Had the coffee shop, been open she would have offered to sit down with her over coffee. Surely, she’d ramble for at least a couple hours, but today she’d have to settle for a small fifteen minutes.

When she approached her apartment at nearly midnight, Rachel couldn’t help but be proud of her empty doorstep.

She knew Gar would leave.

With a sigh of relief, she unlocked her door deciding to reward herself with a glass of wine.

“About time.”

Rachel yelped, her bags dropping to the floor. Her head whipped toward her living room, seeing the green man lounging on her couch. “Yea, let’s add attempted murder to breaking and entering.” She muttered. Kicking her front door shut then picking up her dropped groceries, she couldn’t figure out if her heart was pounding from the scare or the anticipation of their conversation. “How the hell did you get in here?”

“I shifted into an ant and crawled under your door.” Gar answered. His legs swung off the couch, planting on the ground in front of him. “Where were you?”

“Out.” She snapped, walking into the small kitchen. Throwing the snacks on the counter, she slammed the wine bottle on the counter. “I’m surprised your fiancée is letting you stay out this late. She mentioned something about you guys having a dinner and movie date tonight.” That last part was a lie. Since he decided to call her bluff, she figured she could make him mad enough to leave her alone.

“No.” He stood, walking into the doorway of the kitchen. HIs hands slid into his pockets as he leaned comfortably against the wall. “I told her I had some business to take care of.”

“This late at night.”

He didn’t hesitate. “She’s asleep.”

“What a good fiancé you are.” Rachel mocked, uncorking her bottle. She took a swig from the bottle, not bothering to get a glass.

“Are you going to talk to me like an adult, or are you going to act like a child?”

“Nothing to talk about.” She could feel his patience thinning. Good.

Gar sighed. “So, the later.”

“Most likely.” She challenged taking another swig, an arrogant smirk growing on her lips.

“We need to talk about that kiss.”

“We were drunk.” Rachel shrugged, blaming her flush on the alcohol. “We kissed. I’m not gonna tell your fiancée or anyone else for that matter. You got your last hurrah before you officially tie the knot.”

Gar shook his head, taking a step closer. “Why did you kiss me?”

“I was drunk.”

“Drunk enough to kiss me and then immediately realize that you shouldn’t have?” He questioned, stepping next to her as she took another drink. “That doesn't make sense to me.”

“There isn’t anything to analyze.” She didn’t dare to face him. Her eyes remained forward, even as the bottle touched her lips. “So, I don’t know what to tell you.”

“How about the truth?” He challenged. “I’ve had time to think about it.”

“Good for you.”

“And, I don’t think you were that drunk.” Gar pushed.

“Well, obviously you haven’t been around me when I’m drunk.”

“And who’s fault is that?” He questioned. “I’m not the one who just up and moved to Titan’s East.”

“I didn’t move there.”

“You might as well have.”

Rachel closed her eyes, focusing on the task at hand. She wanted him out of her apartment. She wanted to crawl into bed with her bottle of wine and her bags of snacks and forget that she had to watch Terra try on wedding dresses.

She didn’t want to think about the morning and resuming her duties as a bridesmaid.

“You stopped being my friend.” He accused.

“You don’t get to say that.” Rachel shook her head. “I just spent the better part of my day sitting in a bridal boutique watching your fiancée try on wedding dresses, and tomorrow I get the pleasure of addressing envelopes, looking at centerpieces, and fucking place cards.” She spat bitterly.

“That has nothing to do with being my friend.”

“Bullshit.” Her head snapped, facing fierce green eyes. “You don’t know what I’m going through.”

“Maybe,” Gar started, his voice lowered. “Just maybe, I would understand if you talked to me instead of slamming me against a wall or calling me stupid and stomping away like a child.”

“You don’t understand.” She shook her head, clenching her jaw. “I’m not talking to you about this.”

“Don’t pull that teenage emo shit on me.”

Rachel turned her back to him. Her eyes closed as she tried to remember breathe.

“Just tell me!”

“Fine.” Rachel shouted, stepping into his personal space. Her temper had reached it’s boiling point. It became easier to speak out of anger rather than reason. “I was in love with you!”

Gar stepped back, flinching as if her words had struck him.

She decided since she was forced to confess, Rachel was going to make sure he would never speak to her again. “You didn’t see me the way I saw you, and I don’t blame you for that,” She breathed, her jaw tight. “But that doesn’t make it hurt less. So yea,”

Anger aside, Rachel wasn’t stupid enough to tell him everything. She had to think long term. He’d still be in her life at a distance.

She just had say enough to make him stay away from her.

“Maybe,” Her voice wavered. “I still have some feelings for you, or something. I don’t know.” At this point, Rachel wondered if she was even capable of telling the truth anymore. “But-”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

Rachel froze. His eyes for confused and pained, not disgusted or angry as she imagined.

“What?”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” He repeated, his voice cracking with an unidentified emotion.

“You were with someone else.”

“You didn’t give me a choice!” He yelled at her, taking a step closer. “You spent years tossing me out of windows, slamming me against walls, pushing me away when all I wanted was to see you smile- tell me, what the hell I was supposed to think?”

“I had a lot going on.”

“Didn’t stop you from getting close to Garth.” Gar spat her boyfriend’s name like venom.

“You were with Terra.” Rachel snapped defensively.

“Did you ever,” Gar started sighing. “Ever, stop to think that I had feelings for you?” He leaned down going nose to nose with her.

Rachel felt a shiver roll down her spine as she inhaled his scent. She fought to keep her posture strong and her eyes focused to his.

“Why do you think I always wanted you to smile? Why do you think I bothered you?” He questioned, the space between their lips narrowing. “You didn’t give me a chance to choose you.” He whispered sadly, lips ghosting over her own.

“I didn’t know you wanted me.” She breathed. Her hand went to the side of his face as her body pressed against him.

His fingers gripped her hips, pressing them close .”I want you.” He groaned.

Rachel kissed him, dragging her fingers down his body.

Gar growled. He picked her up, sitting her on the counter. Stepping between her legs, his hands slipped underneath her clothes.

“Yes.” She whispered, wrapping her legs around his hips as her guilt heightened her excitement. “Yes.” She nodded, moaning as his fingers moved to the waistband of her jeans.

To Be Continued...

#teen titans #teen titans fanfiction #beast boy #raven #bbrae #beast boy and raven

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geek-gem · 8 years

Photo

Warning Major Spoilers for Five Nights At Freddy’s Sister Location. Also the custom night ending cutscene music is playing again on the wiki. Well it and now it just stopped the music. Yet yeah major spoilers and I’m gonna talk a bit and used Bing to get these images, none of them belong to me, used Pixlr, but I’ll just start on this and paste this here.

“Father. It’s me, Michael. I did it. I found it. It was right where you said it would be. They were all there. They didn’t recognize at first but then they thought I was you. And I found her. I put her back together, just like you asked me to. She’s free now. But something is wrong with me. I should be dead. But I’m not. I’ve been living in shadows. There is only one thing left for me to do now. I’m going to come find you. I’m going to come find you.”

Fake Movie Meme. Five Nights At Freddy’s Sister Location. Andrew Garfield(The Social Network, The Amazing Spider-Man 1 & 2, Hacksaw Ridge, and Silence) as Michael Afton AKA Eggs Benedict. Ben Affleck(Gone Girl, Argo, Batman V Superman Dawn Of Justice, and The Accountant) as William Afton.

Also on a silly note all Animatronics voiced by their voice actors in game and maybe PJ Heywood still in some way.

I’m making this on DeviantArt this info I’m gonna copy and paste it to when I post this on Tumblr. But I’ve been wanting to make a Fake Movie Meme of Sister Location for quite some time. Today I felt like I wanna make this cause the ideas and emotion behind Sister Location and how the FNAF lore is now.

Also please I’m agreeing with some theories and some of my own yet do not wanna steal any. But please do not be rude about my thoughts cause these are mainly mine.

Over time with the custom night mode being released and the Golden Freddy Ending, the FNAF lore I think changed a lot. Introducing or mainly finally Scott Cawthon the creator of the series revealing the name of the character we play as in Sister Location as he mentioned of what happens with Eggs Benedict. The new character is Michael Afton, who shares the same name as William Afton the supposed Purple Guy or killer with his name revealed in the novel FNAF The Silver Eyes in that universe, with possibly Scott hinting the same killer exists in the game’s universe but this time with a family. With theories highly suggesting he’s the father of the two brothers from FNAF4 and also confirmed in a way the father of the girl from that speaks between nights of Sister Location. Along with appearing in the Circus Baby mini game.

I’m gonna say it, with a lot of the thing I like, I love the FNAF series. I feel kind of stupid that I’m quite scared to play these games and need to play on my other computer some time. Even seeing Sister Location I’m saying this and I think I might of said this but it’s my favorite. Mainly for the fact with it’s story being revealed more and more about who we are playing as. Along with what is going on with the lore.

Over the months just the reveal of Michael Afton and the idea he could be Springtrap is something truly changing for the lore. Including the idea of the story and what Scott could be hinting at. Along with just with me being fan of a lot of stuff. I’m glad I’m a FNAF fan and won’t stop. Because I feel Sister Location might of increased a bit. It’s also amazing for some silly stuff my own personal stuff of having my own version of FNAF in a universe with the canon Steven Universe and The Loud House, along with some Twisted Metal. But that’s another story. Mainly I respect Scott, yes the lore is a mess now. Yet I’ve got my own thoughts of what the timeline could be, but with Sister Location again I seem to like FNAF a lot more.

Which also showed when I was acting so crazy excited like Arin Hanson when the sequel to FNAF The Silver Eyes titled The Twisted Ones when it’s cover and story were revealed. That’s how I’m so engrossed into this series, along with meeting some nice people, and a whole bunch of other things. It’s amazing I never expected to be a fan but I’m glad I’m a fan.

Sorry was trying to get to a point. Yet I should just talk about the casting. Including should mention I’ve made Fake Movie Meme’s before but I do not like my older FNAF Fake Movie Meme’s and wanna remake them. I do still have them thinking maybe might post them to show this is my old works. But will replace them with newer versions. Also the fact the lore has changed quite a bit.

Along with over time I’m a bit serious with casting. Even if a lot of the characters faces and voices are not revealed, it’s fun thinking of what they seem like and love many versions. Including with a show like Riverdale which I do like and other things. I’m not the biggest movie fan yet will see many movies if I can. I do like the art of film making or just the idea of making a story.

Also wanted to put Michael first instead of William cause I keep seeing as Michael as a main focus. Including just saying did save a picture of Ballora when she first appeared in the first trailer forgot I had the part with the Scooping Room cause it’s an important part. Put Funtime Freddy and wanted Bon Bon to be seen cause people love them and their voice actor a bunch of lol’s three.

I’ve had these castings for a while.

For Andrew Garfield even if his voice is indeed not the same as PJ Heywood who voiced both Michael and William. Yet he’s British and yeah being silly or whatever, yet looks like he could be a live action version of the pixel version of Michael as seen in the custom night mini games.

But just saying I kind of have this man crush on Andrew Garfield. Yet his work in films that aren’t just The Amazing Spider-Man films since Sony messed with them. He’s shown he can be a really good actor, who can show raw emotion and other things. Including his passion with film and his acting could be great for Michael and I’ve always tried to have Andrew whenever I’m making FNAF castings. Mainly cause he’s a great person but also a great actor at that. I honestly feel he could play what I think and people have theorized a young man who has lost things in the past, willing to put his own life in danger and what his father told him. Along with the theory that him being the older brother from FNAF4 which I’m going with cause it makes sense, causing him over the years being depressed and hating himself yet trying to be a great person. Along with wanting to get his sister back in some way of saving her. Including being an very emotional man who used to respect and idolize his father but over time grew to hate him cause of all the things that happened.

It’s unknown how old Michael is, I’ve been thinking he’s older then all of the guards in the games but I do not know. I keep imaging as a guy mainly in his mid 20’s or even late 20’s, was thinking of early 30’s but gonna stick with early or late 20’s.

I’m just gonna link the wiki thing for Michael since it’s still here. http://fnaf-sister-location.wikia.com/wiki/Michael_Afton

For Ben Affleck and this is a choice Bluewolfavenger made for his fake Netflix FNAF series, “You Can’t” that focuses on the history of the timeline and the Purple Guy. Even if Ben does not have the voice a bit or he can get it right. It’s not as British as PJ Heywood’s as he was heard voicing William in the intro of the game. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G5GTXaEfA7M

Yet I’ve been imagining and I’ve seen great versions of William artists have made. Their seems to be this mindset I seen for William. I’m gonna say this I do not like Batman V Superman Dawn Of Justice a whole lot. Yet Ben’s acting as Bruce Wayne kind of shows this a bit. I remembering mentioning the, “You Can’t” fake trailer and I rather have Ben Affleck be the Purple Guy for some reason in this DeviantArt journal talking about Ben Affleck leaving the director chair for the upcoming Batman film.

He puts on a performance showcasing a grown man a business man who on the outside seems pretty okay. Yet he has something dark within him, he hides secrets and he’s done some dark shit in the past. Along with being a man who created some animatronic made to kill kids which are Circus Baby, Ballora, Funtime Freddy, Funtime Foxy, also their little minions. Yet this results in the death of William’s daughter and the grand opening of Circus Baby’s Pizza World to stop and instead become a rental service to send out these animatronics to parties. It’s unknown whether he feels regret of what happened to his daughter. Yet it seems like he does not care much for his children. Seriously Ben might make a good William Afton. On a silly note, just photoshop his suit where he’s Bruce Wayne make them purple and I’m being silly.

It’s unknown of how old William is. Yet over time I’ve had this mindset that William is ether in his 30’s to 40’s to 50’s. Mainly over time he gets older. Just I’m thinking about the timeline and my versions too.

Also for some reason wanna see Andrew Garfield and Ben Affleck just acting together on screen and them playing a torment young man haunted by his past, and his father who has done many hideous acts yet does not show it a bit, would take control of his son wanting love and respect from his father. Or the fact Michael would need to talk to some one yet father might praise him for killing his brother even if Michael did not mean to do that. I do not know just something. Some family stuff between those two yet you get these two do not like each other, quite the conflict.

Just saying I’m gonna link and did go there but it was the archive of Bluewolfavenger on Tumblr. Will show you lol Will but gonna show you his FNAF works on his FNAF account. http://blue-wolf-avenger.tumblr.com/ First it was some 1 2 y 3 thing but their is the home page showcasing Ben Affleck as the Purple Guy or in this case William Afton.

Also just this trailer music……can we have this just I do not have the skills or stuff to make fake movie trailers. But gosh damn keep thinking about my own FNAF stuff and just wanting to use this music for a FNAF Netflix tv series that includes Sister Location. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-rAv5zgtsmM

You know I keep thinking about Michael and William and how the Afton’s are very important such as a some what stupid show title The Afton’s but Henry and Charlie from FNAF The Silver Eyes are important too, with Henry being the founder and owner of both, “Fredbear’s Family Diner”, and, “Freddy Fazbears Pizza” and Charlie the main character of the novel and the upcoming novel The Twisted Ones almost put eyes instead of ones….please don’t die Charlie……I like Charlie and the other characters from the novel.

I’m gonna put tags for this just saying mates

edit put fake movie meme tag lol rag typo mate

#five nights at freddy's #fnaf #sister location #michael afton #william afton #circus baby #funtime freddy #bon bon sister location #ennard #fake movie meme

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radioleary-blog · 6 years

Text

Long Names and Outsourcing Superheroes

It’s not easy writing political comedy.

One factor is the impermanence of a political joke. Even a great political joke has an expiration date, and political narratives change fast these days. Your average political joke has a shorter shelf-life than a pint of half & half that you left in the car. “Honey...when did I write this joke about Trump getting golden showers from Russian prostitutes? Is it still any good or should I throw it away?”

“How does it smell?” she replies from the living room.

“Whew! Pretty funky...I think it’s turned. Dammit! That was a good one.”

“So write a new one,” she says dully, without looking away from whatever TV program has unattractive British servants enduring wretched lives of 19th century drudgery. Which accounts for about half of all PBS programs. Or should I say “programmes.” They’re so depressing. They ought to call it “Downer Abbey.” Or “Upstairs, Downstairs, Blank Stares.” Seriously, man, how much does the BBC pine for the days when the lower classes knew their place? Is that really an era to romanticize, even if they do call it The Romantic era? And who the hell could enjoy watching shows about the help being treated badly? As for me, if I watch even ten minutes of a show with berated butlers and yelled-at scullery maids, I start to get angry. Every time I see some mutton-chopped, inbred Lord of the Manor lining up his staff to lecture and threaten them for poorly-polished silver, or for becoming ‘too familiar’, or for having any normal human desires whatsoever, I have the normal human desire to make him ‘too familiar’ with my fist in his mutton-chop face. Just once, I’d like to see one of the servants he’s giving a good “dressing-down” to turn around and give this privileged twit a good old working-class “beating-down.” I’d like to see the First Footman, or the Second Footman, or some Footman put that foot right up his aristocratic ass.

I was trying to think up some funny-sounding British aristocratic names as examples of noble pomposity, but it turns out they have this new thing called “the google,” so I just looked up some real names instead. These are just a few of the actual descendants of William the Conqueror, who, being British, conquered everything but brushing and flossing:

Flora Paulyna Hetty Barbara Abney-Hastings. That sounds like somebody who never had to fill out their name on a lot of forms. Good luck fitting that on a job application. But of course, nobody with a name that long and dreadfully upper-class ever had to look for work. The longer your name, the easier your life. Hey, I just realized that. I might actually be onto something. Who do you think works harder - a person named Prince Stuart Johann Knud Bernhard Felix Maria René Joseph de Bourbon-Parma (real name), or a guy named Stu Parma? If you’re having trouble figuring that one out, the title Prince is a big clue. The only Prince who ever broke a sweat died last year in Minnesota, and judging by his opioid addiction, it was probably a cold sweat. Stu Parma sounds like an ex-Checker Cab driver from Queens, whereas Prince longname there sounds like an exchequer for the Queen. Big difference between those jobs, and probably all because of the length of their names. Great, just what men need, one more length to feel inadequate about. The only people who work harder than guys named Stu and Kip and Sam are guys with even shorter names like Bo and Al and Ed.

Same thing probably holds true for women, I bet Vikki works a longer shift for less pay than Victoria does. And I bet Kat does things for money that Katerina never would. I’m not thinking sex-worker, necessarily, but if she did it would be all her idea. No, I was picturing Kat doing something more along the lines of a cage-match fighter, or rodeo girl, or tattoo artist. She could set up her own new-school tattoo shop and call it “KATTOOS.” And she’s more likely to be a fun person to party with, too. Kat is a bad-ass who keeps it real, and Katerina will not go down on you even on your anniversary. The longer the name, the less fun and the more stuck up you are. Here’s another real name, and I bet she isn’t bringing any beer or weed to your party: Countess Antonia Charlotte Jeanette Marie af Holstein-Ledreborg. Wow, really? Can we just call you c*ntess for short?

And with the titles and peerage to boot, these names really start to get re-goddam-diculous. Check this guy out, this is a real title: His Royal Highness the Prince Charles Philip Arthur George, Prince of Wales, Earl of Chester, Duke of Cornwall, Duke of Rothesay, Earl of Carrick, Baron of Renfrew, Lord of the Isles, Prince and Great Steward of Scotland, Royal Knight Companion of the most noble order of the Garter, Royal Knight Companion of the most ancient and most noble order of the Thistle, Knight Grand Cross of the most honourable order of the Bath, member of the order of Merit, Knight of the order of Australia, companion of the Queen’s service order, member of Her Majesty��s Most Honourable Privy Councillors, Aide de Camp to Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth. WTF? That’s not a title, that’s the whole book! And the sequel! Keep in mind this is just a really fancy way of saying this guy is banging the Queen. This title is so long that when you start saying it you have 13 colonies in the Americas, and when you’re done saying it Cornwallis is surrendering at Yorktown.

But that’s the trouble with those british TV servants, they never fought back against the system like we did here in the colonies. That’s why their rigid class-structure hierarchy remained in place for so long, and they’re still sentimental for it in these godawful butler dramas. They never really had a lot of rebels in England, not for very long anyway, they either came here and started killing Indians, or they got arrested and shipped off to Australia to get eaten by sharks. Even today, British culture doesn’t celebrate the rebel like we do in America. The British never had a ‘Cool Hand Luke,’ more like ‘Keep Calm and Carry On Luke.’ The Brad Pitt ‘Fight Club’ character Tyler Durden sounds like it could be a proper English name, but if there was a ‘Fight Club’ in England, the first rule of Fight Club would be No Fighting.

And hey, did you ever hear Brad Pitt try to do a british accent? Yikes. He has all the range of a veal calf. He sounded worse than Bob Dylan trying to speak Chinese. But strangely, British actors have no problem at all doing American accents. Why is that? In fact, they have taken over a lot of our favorite tv and movie characters. On ‘The Walking Dead’, Rick Grimes, Maggie, Morgan, the Governor, and Jesus are all British. There are so many Brits on the show they should rename it ‘The Ambulatory Deceased’.

And the list includes some of our most beloved Superheroes. Henry Cavill, Christian Bale, Andrew Garfield are English, that’s Superman, Batman and Spider-Man. And even the new Spider-Man, Tom Holland is British. Both Jeremy Irons and Michael Caine were Alfred, which begs the question ‘What’s it all about, Alfred?’ (Ah, you’re too young to get that reference). Two actors have played Professor Xavier and they are both English, so are both actors who played Magneto. Fellow X-Men The Beast, Nightcrawler and Jean Grey, and Avengers Quicksilver and The Vision are British. So are the actors who played Doctor Strange, Daredevil, Commissioner Gordon, The Thing, Mister Fantastic, Odin, Ozymandias as well as super-villains Dr. Octopus, Sinestro, Killer Croc, Col. Stryker, Juggernaut, Toad, Azazel, The Lizard, and Loki. All English. Add to that Ryan Reynold’s Green Lantern is Canadian, while Eric Bana’s Hulk, Chris Hemsworth’s Thor and Hugh Jackman’s The Wolverine are Australian. An Australian Hulk? I understand they let Mel Gibson audition to play Hulk. But the Hulk is a rampaging rage monster who smashes everything in sight, and they felt Mel Gibson was just too angry for the role. Plus the Hulk isn’t anti-Semitic. I’m beginning to wonder if we have any American superheroes left, except for the Captain with America right in his name. If Donald Trump is going to bring back jobs to America, can he please start with our superheroes?

But I digress. I don’t remember what my point was, but I’m pretty sure I had one. Oh yeah, British servant shows. Why do women love these Victorian period pieces so much? They’re usually intelligent and independent women, too, yet these butler-laden bodice rippers get them steamier than an Icelandic orgy.

No, wait, I remember my point now: it’s not easy writing political comedy. Reason two, you get distracted. As I just demonstrated with the last ten paragraphs. I was saying the life of a political joke is short, and getting shorter. There was a time before the 24-hour news cycle when a political scandal stuck around for a long time. Watergate hung around for years and years, like an Irish houseguest. Comics in the 1970’s could take months to work out Watergate bits, and if they were solid, you could tell those jokes for half a decade. Fashions and music trends would change before your Watergate jokes got old. The first time you tell your Watergate joke on stage, you’re wearing bell-bottom jeans and a tie-dye T-shirt, and years later you’re telling it on stage wearing a white Disco suit. And it’s the same old joke about E. Howard Hunt, or H.R. Haldeman, or R.L. Stine, or George R.R. Martin, or whoever the hell was involved in the break-in. And actually, it kind of was a Game of Thrones, except instead of a dragon Queen who could walk through fire, you had G. Gordon Liddy who liked to hold a torch to his hand to show how tough he was. If you don’t know who he is, that’s okay, just picture Negan, but high on cocaine and patriotism.

People had better things to do in the 1970’s than obsess on scandals, and the only way to follow it was in newspapers and on the evening news. Which, if you were not home while the evening news was on, tough luck, there was no recording it. And 1970’s people were definitely out, and doing much cooler things than watching the evening news. Like driving around in a Pontiac Firebird and smoking a joint, or going to a Pink Floyd concert and smoking a joint, or throwing a key-party orgy and smoking a joint, or just smoking a joint and smoking a joint. You could do a lot of fun things in the 1970’s, as long as you had a joint. Those were the rules. Even if you got pulled over by the police, you better have a joint on you, the cops will ask you, “Licence..registration...proof of joint…”

So political scandals unfolded at a leisurely pace. Which is not to say people were not involved in politics, maybe it was the draft, or maybe it was the joint, but they were very involved. They were the only generation that ended an unpopular war through protest, and threw a corrupt President out of office. I think it was the weed, because after that, the police stopped making sure you had a joint.

But things are different in the Trump era. If you can call a presidency that only lasts until he quits this summer an “era”. More like the Trump “error”. Trump has a new scandal every day, every fourteen hours to be precise, so by the time you write a good joke, it’s over. It’s old news, and on to the next scandal. Tiny hands, Meryl Streep, grab ‘em by the pussy, Betsy DeVos, Michael Flynn, and now wiretap, the scandals are coming too fast. - That’s what she said! The jokes are obsolete by the time the pen leaves the paper, because by the time you read this, the whole wiretap scandal will be over and he’ll be on to the next inexcusable act. And that will only be like, two days from now.

I realize now that when I write about politics, I’m like one of those monks who make paintings out of different colored grains of sand. It takes them forever to do it, and the minute they’re done, they erase it. And they move on to the next one.

And I’ve never had more fun.

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thornburgrealty · 6 years

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Working pretty good powell now laughs at path

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