#I wasn’t even that ambitious about what I want to get done today. just dishes and put away clothes

[figofswords]

getting things done and being productive vs I’m cold and my cat is warm and snuggly

[kinetic-elaboration]

September 21: Cleaning DAy

Just a quick note tonight because I don’t really know what I want to talk about and just sitting here staring into space really isn’t helping any thoughts come to mind. I took today off to clean my apartment, and I would say it was, on average, a success. I’m glad I did it.

I’ll admit that I didn’t get done a lot of what I wanted to do and part of that is because I was very ambitious/unrealistic with my to do list and part of that was because I decided I wanted to do ALL the laundry and that is just very time consuming. Everything always takes longer than you think it will or should. Everything, always, in all categories of thing.

And the thing is, while I didn’t intend for this to be an ‘entirely laundry’ day, I did need to do all that laundry. I needed to wash clothes so I could have clothes to wear. But I also had so much other stuff in my laundry basket, it was pretty much unusable. So I did six loads today: 2 of all my clothes, 2 of sheets, 1 of towels, and 1 of a table cloth and some misc items which like maybe wasn’t the most necessary but I really wanted to get to Laundry Basket Zero, and I (basically) did. (Minus a pair of socks that were hiding in the bottom.)

So it took a long time even doing 2 loads at once and that’s fine, you know, that’s just how it is. It could not have taken less time. And I managed a few other things: washed my gross-ass sandals, washed as many dishes as I could fit in my dish rack, cleaned out my fridge, decorated for Halloween, and did some general picking up and so on. I also did about an hour last night where I took out trash and recycling and washed a bunch of dishes.

I did not get to cleaning the rest of my kitchen, the surfaces and so on, or pretty much anything bathroom cleaning. I didn’t get to the floors. And I had some less urgent stuff on the list like fixing up the bookshelf corner (I did the really big stuff there a couple months ago but the bookshelves themselves still need some straightening, etc.) that I definitely did not get to.

But honestly, like, it’s only one day. I knew that going in. I couldn’t work miracles but maybe I would get myself to a place where a little bit of cleaning here and there feels plausible and like it will make some sort of difference. I think I accomplished that. I hope. One benefit that I always forget about whenever I spend a while just not doing something I should be doing is that I remind myself that it’s not that complicated. I am capable. There’s no way to type that without sounding like yeah, duh, of course you can do the thing you’ve repeatedly done in the past. But it’s like I forget just how much effort and time it takes and so I can no longer evaluate the task and it becomes harder to start. I just assume it’s way more daunting than it is. That’s true of cleaning but also writing, errands, certain tasks at work, literally everything.

So I am feeling optimistic. I feel like I made an improvement to my life. And… also on the topic of unexpected benefits, it just actually does feel good to spend a day doing something and feeling accomplished. Like, I know it does, this is not an amazing discovery, but I still let myself have too many kinda bad, listless days. This one, even though I didn’t get up quite as early as intended and I did have a nap later on, mostly because my feet hurt from standing so much, I can still look at, like, the list of things I did today and feel happy.

I have to go back to work tomorrow, which feels weird, and I don’t really want to but I also wouldn’t want to figure out tomorrow’s itinerary if I was staying at home, either. And it’s only one day. So hopefully it goes well, nothing weird, and the weather noticeably cooler, and then I can have a good weekend.

[husbandohunter]

May I request a Childe X Reader fanfic where the reader has been pushing herself too hard lately and so Childe has to forcefully get her to rest? ty

By my side [Childe x Reader]//Genshin Impact

Synopsis: You were an artist and he was an adventurer. Two people from vast backgrounds and Childe just wants to spend some time of his busy life with you. However, things didn't really go his way...at first.

(Childe x F!reader. Its all fluff)

(A/n): Perfect request anon. I too, would like to have a Childe in my life. Been getting 5-6 hours of sleep on average 😃😁. Yeah kind tossed some extra ideas with artist s/o, its a perfect reason for anyone to be busy.

============================

Once recieving the permission to take a week off from his diplomatic duties, the first thing Childe thought of was none other than his lovely significant other.

The harbinger knew quite well what lays ahead of his ventures to Liyue. During his quest for the archon's gnosis, he encountered many interesting events, such as meeting the rumoured traveller hailing from afar and a broke yet courteous man who turned out to be the ultimate ruler of this very country he walks upon then there was the battle against a dead god until he revived it using the sigil of permission. All of them were great additions to his story as Ajax the hero, something he always wanted to pursue since childhood. In which, also gave him something nice to write about when preparing letters for his siblings living back home. But little did the harbinger know that he'll one day bump into the heroine. A little too soon. Through your little art shop, he met you, a sweet and audacious woman with plenty of humour. That was how it all began.

While he strides down the streets between Liyue's exquisite buildings, Childe suddenly stops in his tracks and looks up to the sky. There, was painted a scenery of an evening dusk, sun rays relfected across until red and orange hues cast a river stream that led to the ends of the world. He watched the birds follow that streak like it was a path made for them to fly towards. A new adventure. You would have loved to captured this in your pictures.

And then he wonders, what might you be painting right now?

"Hey babe, I'm home~"

In a sing-song voice he calls out to you by your nick-name. You knew that Childe was an active member of the Fatui and that his time was limited, hence he made sure to write to you as well. Of course long distant relationships only makes the waiting more anticipated. When he does pay a visit, you'd run straight into his open arms, leaping off your feet to engulf him in one enourmous embrace. Then his hands will hold against your waist as he spins your round and around in the air, stealing the laughter out of your lungs before planting you back on the floor. Sometimes Childe would consider that being far away wasn't be such a bad idea as long as he was able to experience this, the harder the battle, the sweeter the victory. However...

"That's great."

He was met by a response similar to the wintry grace of Snezhnaya.

Huh?

All the fantasies he had from earlier shatters in the background as he stands there frozen. You didn't even spare a glance to the entrance, eyes still glued to the large canvas displayed at your front, too busy to even care. Childe clicks his tongue between the awkward silence with an uncertain expression. When there was no signs of initiation on your part, he shuffled his way to where you were and observes from behind.

"Well you're particularly quiet today," he muses to himself, placing a hand over his hip, "I guess that painting of yours must be really important then."

It was obvious that he was trying to nudge you into his favour. Something that you've found endearing was how quickly your boyfriend can be when he's in a needy state. So you quickly twisted over to peck him on the cheek before going back to work.

"That's better," Childe satisfiedly grins, "So who is this project for?"

"It's a commission requested by a wealthy family serving the Qixing. They're really influential in terms of the market and can really give me a competitive edge. I have to get it done in five days."

His tone flactuates as he squints his eyes, "Five days you say," he disliked the news of your schedule taking over his own, Childe only managed to take a week off and after that, he'll be away for quite some time, "Why don't you take a break? From the looks of your progress, it seems to me that you've been working on it for hours. I've got plenty of interesting stories to tell and you know, nothing can compare to sharing a warm meal within your company," he leans down to your ear level, "How does that sound?"

Several seconds went by as he waits for some sort of reaction, "Oh. Right," you blurted out and the harbinger only smiles, "I made some food earlier this morning. You can go help yourself if you're hungry."

Today was not his day.

Childe pulls out the wooden chair and slumps into the seat, a defeated huff escaping his mouth as he stared at the crystal shrimp placed on the table. It was hastily wrapped by plastic, most likely cold for a while, just like the romantic evening he had planned in his head. Normally you'll be sitting on the otherside while listening to the many tales he went through along the way. Although painting was your passion, it was undeniable that you also enjoyed his kind of lifestyle if you ever had the choice. He was rather surprised on how someone ambitious like him would end up with such a simplistic person but quickly accepted it as life was meant to be unpredictable, just the way he likes it. As Childe entertains you with his stories, he'll listen to your giggles amidst eating the homecooked meals that you both prepared together.

"I wonder if she ate already," he mumbled to his lone self. You most likely did but Childe knows you well. Artists are obsessed and they can go as far as to neglecting their own health for the sake of their masterpieces. Hence, he made sure to remind you to eat properly through the letters he wrote to you.

The harbinger takes a quick glance around the kitchen. It was a mess. The cupboards were slightly opened, metal pots were still displayed on the stone stove and the stench coming from the sink....

Childe pushes himsel up to see what was the cause.

Not even the dishes were washed.

Running his fingers through his bangs, he sighs wearily, "Old habits die hard huh?" And above all else, when artists are obsessed they also forget how disorganized they can become. Childe begins to roll up his sleeves before taking off his gloves. At times like this he'll have to pitch in and take care of it for you, "Looks like I'll be here for a while."

Throughout three sunsets and three moonrises, Childe had no option but to observe you from afar, minus the few attempts he made to regain your attention again. How you would go to bed much later than him, waking up before he opens his eyes and the effort he put into making your food only left with too many leftovers. It wasn't that you were unappreciative, instead, your mind had become too focused that your body was considered a second priority. Like anyone else, Childe genuinely thought you possessed great talent and supports you wholeheartedly. He loved it when you painted pictures just for him as if they were scenes coming out of his hero story, reminded by his adventures, capturing every detail. However he also needed to learn how to deal with this stubborn side of yours.

"Hey babe, I just finished preparing our dinner. Don't you smell that? Such a rich aroma, you should go eat."

"I'm busy."

Your diet were just small bites, the rest being substituted by coffee. Childe could clearly tell that you weren't getting enough sleep either as there were dark circles forming underneath your eyes and slowly, he was starting to become a little irritated.

Three hours passed midnight but you were still awake in the same place doing the same thing. Childe leans against the doorframe with arms folded, already changed into his sleeping clothes. He clears his throat to break the silence, "Ahem."

Your wrist hangs in mid air by the sound of a strange visitor, it was your boyfriend. Gaze in a daze, you lazily turned your head, "What time is it?"

"Way passed the sleeping hours as you can see," he points with his thumb at the table clock in a half-hearted manner, "You should already be in bed by now and don't think you can coax yourself out of the situation this time," his eyes parted in slits as he added with a smile, "Otherwise I might just have to force you myself."

You shook your head, "Give me one more hour? There's some finishing touches I really want to add so," clasping your hands together, you beamed sweetly, "Pretty please? I'll finish up soon."

"Oh really?" Childe challenges, head tossed back like he was interrogating you instead, "I believe that was also what you told me yesterday. And the day before? Adding up all of those days that would be.....four in total?" He deliberately counts upon his fingers before facing you again, this time his expression was slightly more serious, "As much as I find your determination remarkable, there are moments when you need to consider a sufficient amount of rest and this just isn't going to cut it."

"Four days already?!" You exclaimed, "Jeez, I don't even know if I'm halfway done."

Pressing his lips together, Childe glares in an acutely deadpanned countenance, it was also his time too, "Can't you ask this commissioner to extend your due date to next week? In your case, mora shouldn't be the issue since, well...you're dating me anyways."

It's true. Childe was the main reason why you didn't have to live as a starving artist. He had all your expenses fully covered from the marketing aspect to your residence, you simply chose to work out of pure will.

"I don't want to always rely on you so much," you confessed, "This commissioner could turn my whole career around. If I'm able to gain his favour, maybe I'll get promoted to a court painter for the Qixing! Who knows when there will ever be a chance like this again," pumping your fists, you spoke purposefully, "I'll pull an all nighters if I have to!"

Childe brings his hand to his forehead, you looked as if you were nearly about to collapse and yet still considering the option of an all-nighters? The harbinger should've detained you days prior before.

"Hm? Childe, what's wrong?" He suddenly falls deadly quiet and you watched him walk closer towards you, "What are--"

Hooking an arm behind your knees and the other at your back, your boyfriend lifts you up in one full swoop as he tossed you over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes.

"Guess we'll have to do things the hard way," he remarks cheerfully.

"W-Wait," you flailed your arms and kicked your legs but to no avail. Childe was an experienced combatant indeed, "Put me down! I have work to do."

Your protests fall upon deaf ears as the harbinger carries you to your room. You were oddly lighter than the last time he carried you, the strength less vigor than before, it was obvious that your body was in need of relaxation. He suddenly thinks there was a possibility that you would maintain this habit while he was absent.

I should probably visit more often.

Using his free leg to nudge the door open, he places you upon the shared bed in a gentle manner. You winced at the impact of the soft sheets, surprised by how much it affect you.

"There we go. All done. Man, you really are a stubborn one, aren't you. Makes me a little worried since I can't spoil you all the time."

He quickly invited himself to the empty space on your bedside and wrapped his arms around your figure, pulling you close and feeling you whole. Childe made sure there was no escape once putting his chin above your hairline so that you could feel his warmth as much as possible.

"This is--" you stuttered. His tactic was enough to make your limbs soften and you could almost hear him smirk into the distance, "This is cheating..."

"You think so?" He comments as if pledging innocence, "I don't know babe. Where I come from those who take the initiative are the ones who end up claiming the prize," pulling back, Childe takes the opportunity to observe your pouty face, "I don't make the rules. It's just how it goes."

You wanted to argue back but he suddenly took the bedsheets and covered both of your bodies with, completely trapping you with his presence. He snuggles into you further as if you were a bear made of linen and you felt the drowsiness taking over your mind. The way he gently pats down the back of your head was enough to instantly lull you into a deep sleep.

"Cheater," you mumbled.

He laughs softly, the rumbles emitting through his chest, "I love you too babe."

Even after you've let go of your resistance, Childe continues his actions until he was sure that you were resting. He had been longing to touch you like this since living a chaotic life only made peaceful moments much sweeter, "You're such a hard-worker you know that? I'm proud of you but you have to know when to call it a day," he whispers, "If not, how can I go on trips while knowing that you're still refusing to eat properly?"

You closed your eyes and said nothing in return. All your senses were too cloudy to come up with a reassuring response. Childe listens to the way your breath evens as you intake his scent during the process. It smelled like the soap you used in the showers, lotus leaves mixed with his own unique musk. You could only focus on him. His comforting embrace. His slightly accelerating heartbeat because you were together with him.

Letting out one final yawn, you succumbed to his spell and allowed your energy to drift away.

The corners of his lips tug upwards, "Sleep well princess."

Childe reaches over to your desk drawer and shuts off the alarm clock before turning over to face you again. He couldn't fall asleep immediately, not when he had to consider taking care of the commissioner who gave you an impossible deadline. But that will be saved for another day, for now, he observes in silent serenity.

If he were to quit his job for a year, what would his life be like?

Peaceful. Something opposite of what he was living right now. Something similar to the life he had back home. As you arrange the many paintings in your little home, he'll offer to help you among the places you couldn't reach. Without a doubt, Childe was far taller in comparison. Taking strolls into the streets and trying the new dishes the merchants came up with. Then in the evenings, you'll both go to dinner dates while listening to the storyteller revealing the rumours of the legendary Tianquan Qixing. Although Childe loved the adventurous life he led, he had to admit that your domesticity and family-bringing atmosphere was a tempting idea.

Maybe one day.

He lightly takes a strand that had fallen over your nose and tucked it smoothly behind your ear. The soft snores coming out of your parted lips caused his gaze to melt. And so he steals them with his own, placing a chaste goodnight kiss.

One day I'll be sure to bring my family here with us.

Closing his eyes, he joins you in your slumber, hoping to see all that he envisioned in his dreams.

[weelittleweasley]

june 5 (d.m.)

prompt as requested by anon: draco has always hated his birthday for as long as he could remember. but now that he was with you, you were determined to change his opinion on birthdays.

pairing: post war! draco malfoy x fem! reader, dom! draco x sub! reader

warnings: mentions of food, 18+ sexual content (minors do not interact), male receiving oral (slight face fucking), possessiveness, dirty language, lingerie, language, hair pulling, mirror play, praise kink

word count: 3.7k

author’s note: please minors do not interact with this! any and all smut on my page is meant for 18+ readers! remember consent is key! 

Excitement coursed through your veins when you had realized you had woken up before the sun had even risen. Careful not to disturb the sleeping birthday boy next to you, you slithered out of your shared bed and slipped on your robe and slippers, making your way into the kitchen.

Today you were on a mission. It was Draco’s birthday and you had been planning out how the day would unfold. It was one of the first birthdays you were spending with Draco after you both had graduated from Hogwarts, so you wanted to make this birthday extra special. You knew regardless of the year, Draco despised his own birthday.

“What’s the point of it?” he would argue. “I was born. Whoopie. What do you want me to do about it?” he’d continue as you laughed. “Seriously. What the fuck is the point? We eat a cake and open presents? I can do that any fucking day. Also, I hate cake,” he’d ramble which just made you laugh harder before pressing a chaste kiss to his lips. 

On the contrary, you loved birthday, regardless if it was yours or not. Celebrating someone’s life and a new year ahead of them made your heart swell with joy. Now that Draco’s birthday had rolled around, you wanted to show him how much you cared for and loved him.

Whilst the birthday boy slept, you began in the kitchen, brewing coffee, whisking eggs, and toasting fresh bread. He can’t be in a bad mood if he’s had something good to eat first thing in the morning, you thought to yourself. 

As you cooked, you watched the sunlight slowly seep in through the kitchen windows of your shared flat, illuminated the dark hardwood floors. The sun warmed you up on the early June morning as you smiled to yourself. Today would be a good day. You would make sure of it. 

You watched the clock tick until the hands hit eight o’clock as you scurried back into your shared master bedroom. Draco’s alarm would be going off any second and you wanted to make sure that you were the first thing he saw when he opened his eyes on his special day.

As expected the small clock on his nightstand started ringing, causing Draco to stir in his sleep before lazily flopping a hand on it to stop it from chiming that horrendous sound that signaled the start of his day. Draco stretched his arms wide, groaning as he did so, getting the sleep out of his body before rubbing his eyes with the heels of his hands. You sat at his feet, smiling as he did so. You had always loved when Draco first woke up; he was adorably cranky. Slowly, his eyes fluttered open as he groggily sat up. “Good morning, baby,” he growled in his raspy morning voice. 

Even after being with Draco for two years, your heart still soared at the mention of a nickname he had so fondly given you. You scooted closer to your love and brushed his messy hair from his eyes, “Happy birthday, my love,” you cooed gently as Draco kissed the inside of your palm. 

He groaned, “Don’t remind me,” he rolled his eyes, sitting himself up straight. “Today is a day like any other. June 5th is just a regular, ordinary day like any,” he tried to convince you as you sat there, the excitement on your face giving away everything. You couldn’t be coy. “Good Godric, what did you do?” Draco laughs, reading the gleeful expression on your darling face.

You shrugged and placed a kiss on his forehead. “Nothing at all,” you lied as Draco gave you a knowing look. You had been up his arse about his birthday and what he wanted for months and now you had just dropped it? Draco was much smarter than that to know that you had something up your sleeve. You lightly laughed, “I didn’t do anything! I just made breakfast for us like I usually do on Saturdays.”

Draco just chuckled and shook his head. “You’re a ball breaker, you that?” he tells you as you shrug. “Alright, let’s see what mess you made,” he gets up from the bed as you smile and rise from the bed, running to the kitchen to stand beside your masterpiece. “My days, stop running, (Y/N), it’s just breakfast!”

As Draco entered the kitchen, you held out your hands presenting everything before him. “It’s all your favorites!” you exclaim as Draco just shakes his head. Before you was eggs, toast, fresh fruit, and black coffee; it was simple, but you knew it was his favorite breakfast. 

He walks over to where you stood at the breakfast bar and wrapped his arms around your waist. “Thank you, darling. I appreciate the gesture,” he speaks before kissing you gently, tilting your chin upwards so he can peck your lips. “But this is all the surprises for the day,” he speaks as you groan in protest. “Yes, I insist. My birthday wish is just to spend the day with you. In our flat. Relaxing. Nothing more. Nothing less,” he told you.

In a way, his request sounded really nice. You and Draco have been so busy with your jobs and working and traveling that you hadn’t taken a day in months to just be lazy. Sitting on the couch, maybe reading a good book, listening to music, laying in Draco’s lap...it sounded like a great way to spend the day.

Defeated, you sigh, “Whatever the birthday boy wants, he gets.”

Draco smiles widely, pressing another soft kiss to your forehead. “Brilliant,” he beams. “And another birthday request, don’t call me birthday boy.”

You roll your eyes, “Fine...whatever the birthday prince wants, he gets.” Draco groans as you laugh and take your seat at the breakfast bar. “Oh stop, you know you love it.”

----------------------

For the entirety of the day, you and Draco spent in on the couch, napping in your bed, or dancing in the kitchen. The day was lazy and carefree and effortlessly fun. It reminded you of all of the little reasons why you loved him so much. Draco had gone through so much in his young life and had guarded himself up to the point where he refused to let anyone in. But when those guards came down after you two started dating, it revealed how lively and loving he was. How passionate and kind he could be. How charming and carefree he was. 

But Draco still held onto some traits of his past. He was determined and ambitious. He was strong willed and stubborn when he needed to be. He was painfully loyal to those he cared for and would do whatever he needed to protect them. 

Regardless, you loved Draco something fierce and he loved you with all of his might. 

As the sun started to fade in the western sky, you started to clean up the kitchen from the pizza you had ordered for dinner. You had walked to the sink and placed the dishes delicately to begin washing them, but Draco had wrapped his arms around your waist. “I’ll do the dishes, my love. You’ve already done so much today,” he spoke as he rested his chin on your shoulder. “It’s the least I can do.” You spun around and gave him a gentle smile before kissing the tip of his nose quickly. “Go on,” he spoke with a swift tap on your bum.

While Draco washed the dishes, you scurried off to the bedroom and closed the door behind you. In a flash, you were peeling off your loungewear and raiding your closet to the back corner where you had hid Draco’s final present for the day. Draco had insisted not to get him anything, which you obeyed, but this present was something for the both of you to enjoy.

Lingerie wasn’t something you had purchased avidly in the past, but this was a special day and you wanted to prove to Draco just how special it was. When you had entered in the underwear shoppe, there were a plethora of underwear, teddies, lingerie, bras, and one pieces to chose from. It was a bit overwhelming at first, but you had managed to pick out something that you think Draco would like. But in all honestly, no matter what you wore Draco would love. As long as you were the one wearing them.

You stepped in front of the full body mirror and examined yourself, running your hands down the front of the bodysuit decorated with emerald green lace. The bodysuit left little to the imagination as it pushed your breasts together and up, making them spill out of the cups, hugging your figure deliciously, cut outs revealing your hips and waist. You inhaled deeply and sighed. “Better be worth the pretty penny this cost me,” you spoke to yourself.

From the other room, Draco’s voice calls, “(Y/N)? Where’d ya go?”

“Bedroom!” you call back, giving yourself one last glance in the mirror. You smirked at yourself. Damn, you looked good.

Almost on cue, Draco swung the door upon and immediately stopped in his tracks when his eyes landed on you. His eyes went wide and he smirked. “Bloody hell,” he sighed, rubbing his face as his eyes raked up and down your body. “Well, what do we have here?” he closed the door behind himself and slowly walked towards you.

You stood proudly at the mirror, a small smirk dancing on your lips. “I thought we couldn’t let birthday celebrations end so soon,” you walk towards him, placing your hands on his chest before snaking them around his neck as his hands trail up your sides, the lace dancing underneath his fingertips. “It’s all for you.”

As if Draco couldn’t be more in love with you. He let out a heavy breath as his hands trailed down your bare back before landing on your bottom. “You are all mine,” he corrects you. He takes your chin and forces your gaze on his. His blue eyes are full of lust as his pupils dilate heavily as you gulp. His gaze was enough to drive your mind in circles. “All of this belongs to me.”

Draco doesn’t waste anymore time, connecting his lips with yours as his body presses against yours. You inhale deeply as you tangle your fingers in his hair, pulling gently. His lips are hot and needy against yours, but he doesn’t let you know how desperate he is to feel you wrapped around his hard cock. Draco takes your bottom lip in between his teeth, pulling gently before slipping his tongue in your mouth, gently massaging his with yours as you whimper into the kiss. “Are you gonna be a good girl for me tonight?” he mumbles in your mouth as you nod excitedly. 

You wanted Draco to use your body however he wanted to tonight. No matter how much you liked being a brat, you wanted him to completely dominate you tonight. You were surrendering to Draco.

As his lips moved against yours, he wasted no time pushing your bodysuit to the side, running a finger in between your heat making you whimper, craving his touch against where you needed him most. “You’re so wet for me already, darling,” he huskily groans with a smirk. “And we’ve only just begun.” His words make you shiver as you attempt to kiss him again, but he pulls back. “Tell me how much you want my cock inside that tight pussy of yours,” he groans.

With a small smirk, you sigh, “How about I show you?”

Draco looks at you a little puzzled, but it’s instantly resolved when you drop to your knees. In one swift motion, you pull down his grey sweatpants and boxers to reveal his stiff member hitting his stomach. You look up at Draco through your eyelashes as you pull your hair back into a ponytail, a small smile dancing on your glossed lips. Lip gloss that would sure cover his hard dick in just moments. “My sexy little slut,” he breathes out before you drag your tongue from the bottom of his shaft to the tip, making Draco throw his back in ecstasy. He hums as you start sucking gently on his tip, swirling your tongue around him, teasingly. “Don’t you dare tease me, you slut,” he groans before you take his whole length sloppily. He hisses through gritted teeth as you grab his thighs, bobbing your head up and down on his massive length, your peach lip gloss rubbing off on his dick. “Such a good whore,” he praises you as you suck on his cock, hands stroking the parts you couldn’t take. “You love sucking on my cock, don’t you?”

You hum against his cock, sending vibrations through him as he moans loudly, grabbing onto your ponytail, pushing his length further down your throat. You lightly choke on his dick, throat tightening around his cock as he groans out in euphoria. It was worth it just to watch the look on his face as you took him like this. Looking up at him through your eyelashes, sucking on his throbbing dick, humming on it, causing him to push your face onto his dick deeper, gently face fucking you. 

Small tears ran down your cheeks as you eyes watered from taking him like this. But you didn’t mind at all, the condition that you had him in right now was enough to make you finish. You bobbed on his dick faster, swirling your tongue around his cock, making him cry out, “Fucking shit, (Y/N). You’re such a fucking slut for my cock.”

His words only made you bob your head faster, focusing on the tip as he shudder, the most sensitive spot making him writhe in pleasure. “I’m gonna fucking come,” he hisses as you suck on his tip, playing with his balls in your hands. 

With a husky groan, you feel his come warm in your mouth, shooting down your throat as you swallow it all, licking up what you missed off of his dick. Draco is left panting, chest heaving up and down as you smirk up at him, wiping your lips with the back of your hand, satisfied with yourself and the brilliant job you’ve done. 

Draco pulls you up to your feet before smashing his lips against your so he can taste himself on your peach flavored lips. His hands roughly grope your ass as you pull his shirt off, throwing it to the floor. “I want you to take me. Now,” you speak as Draco kisses down your neck across your collarbones and to the valley of your breasts.

“Gladly,” he speaks as you attempt to walk towards the bed, but he stops you. “Not there tonight,” he whispers in your ear before he flips you around to face the mirror. “I want you to watch yourself as I fuck the shit out of you,” he tells you as a shiver crawls up your spine. “How does that sound, princess?” he coos, brushing your sloppy ponytail to the side, kissing and nibbling on your neck.

You breathe out, “You better take this stupid fucking bodysuit off of me then.”

Draco chuckles deeply before speaking, “My pleasure.” He pushes the straps down your arms and slides the bodysuit down your skin, falling to the floor. There, you stood in front of the mirror, completely naked in front of your lover and he hungrily feasted his eyes on you. “You’re the most beautiful thing to ever happen on this Earth,” he breathes out before pulling your head back to rest on his shoulder as he kissed you deeply.

His large hands cupped both of your breasts as you moaned into his mouth, his fingers pinching and rubbing your hard nipples. As one hand massaged your breast, the other slithered down your stomach and in between your thighs to where you craved his touch the most. You inhale deeply as one of his slender fingers starts tracing circles against your clit as you knees buckle a little. “We just started, kitten. Don’t give out on me just yet,” he whispers in your ear as he nibbles on it gently. “I promise I’ll make it worth your while.”

You moan out, “Please, Dray, I need you.”

Draco smirked against your skin as he rubs on your clit faster, making you gasp. “You need me to what, kitten?” he teasingly asks you as you hold onto his forearms for support to ensure you don’t buckle under his touch.

“To fuck me like you promised,” you breathe out, pressing your back harder into Draco’s bare chest. “I wanna watch you fuck me.”

Your words are a symphony to Draco’s ears, his dick hard again against your thigh. In swift motion, he grabs the chair from your vanity desk and places it in front of you, bending you over so you are looking directly into the mirror. The sight of you bent over the back of a chair, Draco standing behind you, hungrily watching you was enough to make the wetness from your aching pussy drip down the inside of your thighs. Draco pulls a rubber from his nightstand and rolls it onto his thick cock as you gulp. 

Draco stares into your eyes as he leans down to whisper in your ear, his chest pressed flush against your bare back. “Remember, my sex kitten,” he whispers, “I call the shots tonight. I’ll take you however I want to take it. Isn’t that, right?” he purrs as you quiver under his touch, his long finger trailing down your spine before roughly grabbing your bum in his hand. You moan out in response. “Good girl. My good little slut,” he praises you. “Good sluts get rewarded,” he starts. “Today, you’ve been very good for me, haven’t you?”

You nod your head feverishly. “Yessir.”

Draco groans at your words, dragging his latex covered dick in between your folds as you gasp. “That’s my baby,” he moans. “You want to watch me fuck you? You filthy slut,” he speaks, hands now groping your breasts again as you sigh, resting your head on the back of the chair.

But Draco pulls on your ponytail, forcing your gaze back onto the mirror to meet his eyes. “I said you will watch me fuck you,” he demands. “Did I stutter?”

“No sir,” you moan out as he smiles. “I want to watch you fuck me.”

“Atta girl,” he praises before pushing his dick all the way into you as you moan out, Draco hissing at how tight you were wrapped around his cock. “Fuck,” he breathes out. He waits a moment for you to adjust before he slowly starts rocking his hips, thrusting in and out of you at a steady pace. 

He is gently panting as he thrusts in and out of you. You grind your backside against him, making him groan out. “Yeah, just like that. Just like that for me, princess,” he praises you as you do it again, pushing your ass on his groin. “Shit,” he groans before he starts to pick up the pace of his thrust, hips smacking against your backside as he takes you from behind. “Look at you. You love the way I fuck you,” he looks deep into your eyes as you watch him in the mirror, taking you the way he wanted against the desk chair.

You hum, “Yessir. You feel so good inside of me.”

Draco pounds in and out of you harder as your mouth falls agape, you panting. “I love the way you feel wrapped around my cock. Your pretty little pussy wrapped around me. I fucking love it. Fuck,” he closes his eyes and throws his head back in pleasure as you grab onto the chair tighter. Draco pushes himself impossibly deeper inside of you, reaching that one part that made your toes curl and knuckles turn white.

“Fuck, Draco!” you scream out, holding onto the chair for dear life. If you didn’t, you would surely buckle from all of the pleasure he had you in. “Right there, baby, don’t stop. Oh, fuck. Please, don’t stop!” you cry out.

Draco keeps his pace, hitting your g-spot as his grip on your hips tighten, sure to leave bruises. “You like that? You like the way I fuck you? My fucking whore,” he groans out as he pounds in and out of you. “Bloody hell, I fucking love you so fucking much, baby,” he breathes, pressing kisses down your spine as you cry out in bursts of pleasure.

“I love you, I love you so much,” you pant in between his thrusts. Draco hand drops down, finding your clit again, sending you over the edge as you throw your head back. You hold onto the chair for dear life, “Fucking shit, baby, I’m gonna come all over you.” Draco keeps railing into you, his dick throbbing at how good you felt. “Come all over me, kitten. I wanna hear you scream my fucking name,” he encourages you. “Come, baby, come, come,” he pants in between his thrusts.

A wave of warmth rushes over you as your pussy throbs, coming all over Draco’s cock and fingers as you scream out his name, throwing your head back in sheer euphoria. Your heart is thumping in your ears as you come down from your high, Draco soon following, releasing in the condom, a string of profanities falling from his parted lips as his eyes screw shut.

The two of you are breathless messes as you remain bent over the chair as Draco pulls out of you and kisses your shoulder blades, rubbing your back gently. “Bloody fucking hell,” he chuckles as you join in, chest heaving for air. Beads of sweat roll down his forehead as he cleans himself up, you peeling yourself off of the chair, your legs feeling like jelly.

Draco smiles as you suck in a breath through your teeth. He hands you your bathrobe as you gladly accept, him draping the soft material on your body. You tie the robe and smile at the glowing man before you. You cup his face in your hands and press a sweet kiss to his lips as he pulls you closer to him, smiling into your tender embrace. “Godric,” you breathe out when you pull away, him laughing. “You still hate birthdays?”

He chuckles, “If every birthday is like this one? I fucking love them.”

[kirislut]

Hiiii, it is me 😎✌️ I had this request in my mind for a while, and when I found ur page I was like, I feel like you’d write it perfectly!!!! The request: Bakugou or Todoroki having a very tough day, then when their S/O tries to bring them like soup or smth, they throw it on the floor, and the glass cuts the S/Os hands and they try to hide it while picking up everything, and when the boy sees their hand w a bandage later on in the day, they feel SO GUILTY!! Also, w fluff at the end pls! Thank u!

a/n: heyyy 😎✌️, first, thanks for this request! second, i don’t know if i can write it perfectly but i hope you like it absksj. definitely don’t feel any pressure 😳 (i got too excited and wrote a lot....whoops)

warnings: bakugou(swearing), mention of getting cut, mention of blood

Katsuki Bakugou

bakugou is an angry guy, everyone knows that. but today he was especially pissed off. he had gotten into a heated argument with kirishima after training. usually he didn’t care but this time he knew he was wrong but was too damn stubborn and prideful ever admit it.

so instead of working it out with his best friend he was just extra pissed off today. which was unfortunate for you.

when he came back to the shared dorms, you were busy cooking some spicy ramen for the both of you. luckily you had finished training earlier that day, so you and time to surprise your boyfriend!

stomping feet could be heard as you dished yourself and bakugou up, and hearing the stomping meant you knew he was close by. lucky for you he was actually sitting at a nearby table, grumbling to himself about something. you didn’t know what however.

excited to surprise your lover, you practically skip over to the angry blonde. “katsuki! i made some spicy for you~” when you set the bowl in front of him he just grunted and swiped it off the table. “leave me the fuck alone.”

he didn’t even spare you a glance as you just gawked at him, what had you done wrong? gulping nervously you’re just turned to start cleaning up. you used napkins to pick up and wipe up the spilled ramen then started to pick up the broken ceramic.

you didn’t notice that a particular piece was sharp, grabbing it caused you to feel a stinging situation in your palm. so when you pulled away it dragged, creating a now bleeding gash in your palm.

a whimper escaped from you, quickly applying pressure to the wound to delay the bleeding. you moved to the kitchen and used paper towels to clean up your bloody palm, all while bakugou sat there blissfully unaware.

as you cleaned yourself up, the still extra angry male got up from the table and stomped off to his room. he scolded you to leave him alone, because he was actuallt considering apologizing. that thought was pissing him off, and not to mention thinking about how to be kind for once was a slight challenge. only because he was stubborn in this matter.

by the time bakugou was in his dorm room, you had finished up cleaning and were now wrapping up your hand with some gauze because a bandaid wouldn’t suffice. even if bakugou didn’t eat the ramen, didn’t mean you would let it go to waste.

but as your began to ate, you were replaying the situation to try and figure out what went wrong. sure bakugou has a bad temper but this was a different kind of anger which you haven’t seen before. you were absolutely certain you didn’t do anything wrong, so why was bakugou upset?

quickly finishing up your meal and putting away your dishes, you went to bakugou’s room because you were worried about him. it was honestly kinda crazy on how you weren’t even angry or upset with the male, just worried for him because you loved him that much.

everyone has their moments and slip ups were they release their anger on to someone else unintentionally, and you knew that very well. because of a certain boy.

standing in front of your boyfriends door, you knocked. when he didn’t respond after a few seconds you just opened the door and proceeded.

“oi! who said you— oh.” his angry expression faltered when he saw you standing there. lucky for you he was able to calm down after thinking it through and developing a plan. a perfect plan to be precise. nothing less from the ambitious guy himself.

“about earlier, are you okay? you haven’t eaten yet and i know you’re angry.” you shut the door behind you and join bakugou on his bed. bakugou lets out a sigh, leaning back against his headboard and staring at the ceiling.

“you a stalker or something? how can you always read me so well.” bakugou let out another sigh, this time more of a huff as he patted the space beside him. signaling you to sit by him.

as you scooted over to place yourself by him you responded, “i’m your lover katsuki, i think it would be bad if i didn’t know you well wouldn’t it?” the blonde glanced at you then did a little nod. he knew you knew him well, and he kinda loved how sometimes you could practically read his mind.

“i got into a fight with shittyhair, i don’t want to say more because i know i’ll get mad again.” as the spiky blonde explained, he noticed the gauze around your hand. he immediately grabbed your wrist, being gentle, and brought you hand up. “what happened.”

hearing bakugou’s stern tone made you gulp, “i cut myself that’s all! just need to be more careful.” even though you were playing cool bakugou also knew you too well as well. he thought back to when he spotted you in the kitchen, you didn’t have this before. even if you thought bakugou didn’t spare you a glance, he would always look at you once. whether you notice it or not.

his jaw clenched when he realized that he was the cause of this, great today he fucked up twice with two of the people he valued deeply. his silence was definitely worrying you, was he going to yell? you weren’t sure what to expect for once.

his next move you did give you a bit of a surprise. your boyfriend leaned forward and pressed such a soft kiss against your forward. you never knew his kisses could feel so gentle yet loving. “i’m sorry.”

even if his apology was simple, it was all he needed to say. the rest was communicated with his actions. you smiled brightly at bakugou, reciprocating his actions, you pressed a loving kiss against his lips.

the rest of the night was filled with lots of kisses and a plethora of cuddles.

Shouto Todoroki

there is no beating around the bush here, todoroki was having an absolutely terrible day. he was supposed to visit his mother but his father visited him instead. he lectured his son about how he needs to focus on becoming the number one hero, not messing around with a lover. this led to an agruement which also stopped him from seeing his mother because visiting hours had ended by the time he got there.

so when he came back to the dorm, after an entire day basically going garage. he was not happy, in fact he was quite pissed. he didn’t even try to hide his scowl as he passed by you.

“sho? hey sho what’s wrong?” your boyfriend stopped to look back at you. “(y/n) i’m fine. just a little tired.” todoroki went to turn, but you grabbed his hand.

“are you sure? you should eat dinner before going to bed at least. i even have some left over cold soba!” before he could reject you you dragged him off into the kitchen and served him the left over soba you made for yourself not to long ago.

“(y/n) i’m not hungry.” he replied simply. but you weren’t going to let him get off that easily. “sho please eat.” you insisted.

this turned into a banter of back and forth between you two. you kept insisting he ate, whike todoroki kept refusing. he was losing his patience with each time.

as a last cause resort and grabbed his hand and placed the bowl in it, “shouto you need to eat!” your tone was raised and more stern this time. you weren’t angry but just concerned and worried.

but this pushed todoroki over the edge. his hands trembled for a moment before he chucked the bowl at the ground, “(y/n), you don’t need to act like a parent. i can do whatever i want.”

the fact that todoroki didn’t even raise his voice at you, yet it held so much anger, made you tremble in fear. you stood there frozen in shock as your boyfriend proceeded to walk away.

your fists clenched at your sides, now you were getting upset like todoroki was. how could he just throw the food on the ground? besides he was never one to act like this. sure he got angry, as everyone does, but it was another level.

you crouched down and started to pick up the broken pieces of the bowl. trying your best to be careful. but as you reached for a piece of ceramic, another piece of the broken bowl dragged along your finger. immediately you pulled your hand back, cringing at the stinging sensation. there was another piece of bowl beside the one you were reaching, which had a sharp edge sticking up towards you.

you swore under your breath as bleed started to leak from the wound, getting up to take care of it before you finished cleaning up.

on the other hand, todoroki was cooling off in his room. and now starting to feel guilty for what he had said and done. he knew he shouldn’t have been so harsh with you. but you just happened to push him over the edge.

he wasn’t angry with you, no, mostly at himself. he knew he should’ve informed his father himself that he started dating you, but he never got around to it. which led him to finding out on his own and the previous agruement to occur.

but even if his father disagreed, there was no way he was going to lose you. he would prove that you were no distraction, and in fact motivation. before he could prove that, he need to apologize to you first.

leaving his room, he went back down to see if you were still in the kitchen area. but you weren’t, so he went back up to the dorm rooms.

when he got to your room, he didn’t bother knock and just opened the door. “(y/n)?” hearing todoroki’s voice made you look up from your phone. you were just scrolling on social media to take your mind off you little fight with your boyfriend

“shouto, do you need something?” you watched as he came into your room, shutting the door behind him, and going straight to you. he sat himself down across from you, looking at his lap as he thought of how to say what he wanted.

“i’m sorry for throwing your soba. i’m sure it was amazing, but i was just angry. before i was able to visit my mother, my father stopped me give me a scolding about how he disagrees with our relationship.” todoroki looked up at you as he finished, surprised to see how sad you looked.

“but (y/n) don’t worry, i’m not letting him stop our relationship. i can never give you up, please remember that i always love you.” he reached out and gently held your face in his hands, not wanting you to think that he would ever let someone like his father get in the way of you both.

your frown was soon replaced with a smile, honestly you were slightly embarrassed to let yourself think that todoroki would give up on your relationship just because of his own dad.

nuzzling you’re face into his touch, you reached up and covered his hands with your own. but as you did so, todoroki was quick to notice that your finger was covered up by a large bandage.

“was that from me?” todoroki asked as he frowned, letting go of your face and carefully taking your hand so that he could look at your finger.

“no sho! it was my fault, i was careless.” you watched as todoroki lightly shook his head. “no it’s my fault my love, i’m sorry again.” he brought your hand up to his face and placed a warm kiss against your bandaged finger.

watching him made your heart flutter, how did you end up with such a caring boy? todoroki didn’t stop kissing just your finger. he kissed the back of your palm then moved forward to kiss your forehead, then your cheek, then finally your lips.

you smiled happily against his lips. you just so happy to know that nothing could get between you and your beloved. not even his father. and not even a bowl of soba.

[rjhpandapaws]

Something Familiar

Chapter 1: Conditional Exchange

Sharing his house with someone else after years of living alone took some getting used to. And while he was a horrible patient, Silas was a great housemate. Daniel didn’t know how much of that came naturally to Silas, and how much of it was his fear of getting kicked out. He’d done enough prying already so he wasn’t all that inclined to ask. That and Silas has only just started talking to him after they had made their contract. The contract was a simple thing; Daniel would provide healing and a place to stay in exchange for magic. The conditions were that Silas remain in an animal form whenever Daniel had company or patients; and Daniel couldn’t alter Silas’s consciousness or state of awareness without explicit permission to do so. It was a small thing and Silas still hadn’t spoken to him anymore than what was strictly necessary for three and a half months. Of course things had come to a head eventually because Daniel had never been one to mind his own business. In a fight that he had ultimately caused, he learned a whole lot more about what Silas had been through than he had ever thought he would be allowed to know. Exactly how many traumatic things their contract had brought back to the fore front of his mind. It had made Daniel feel sick and he had done what he could to make it up to Silas. Which amounted to leaving the house for a little over a week so Silas could have room to breathe.

Understandably, things changed after that. Daniel learned to tread more carefully around Silas and made more of an effort to learn about his situation. It was admittedly something he should have done before they made the contract. It was too late to change anything though, as it had already been drawn up and sealed. They still agreed to new unspoken rules and began to live more like housemates than contracted partners. He spent a lot of time teaching Silas about the things he had missed. Silas taught him long forgotten healing magic and a few secrets that had been lost when the shapeshifter settlements had been destroyed. They used very little magic and almost felt like cheating compared to what he was used to. Daniel was tentative to call them friends, but at the very least they were no longer strangers in the same space. Silas often had horrible nightmares. Daniel was woken up pretty often to his cries of fear or pain, and on some occasions screaming. Though the nights those dreams didn’t wake Silas were the ones that worried him most. In the morning he would find Silas on the balcony watching the sunrise with tea or coffee in his hands, still steaming but long forgotten all the same. Some days he would be crying silently, and some days he would be blank and neutral; but there was always this hollow distance darkening his eyes.

As soon as he woke up Daniel knew he would find Silas on the balcony. The night had been a quiet one with no screaming and no tears. Which meant whatever had chosen to haunt him would be doing so in his waking hours instead. Daniel wished almost desperately that there was something he could do to help, but Silas never answered him when he offered. He would just look at him with that dark oppressive distance in his eyes. So lost to whatever memories that had chosen to torture him that Daniel was unable to reach him. He took his time to get out of bed and ready for the day. Silas wouldn’t be ready to talk for a while, and it didn’t matter when Daniel came up to check on him. Despite knowing that it wouldn’t be eaten until it had long gone cold if at all he still made Silas breakfast. Though he had gained some of it back, Silas was still concerningly underweight. Daniel made his way up to the balcony with the try. There Silas stood. As close to the edge of the balcony as he could get with the railing in his way. There were trying tear tracks on his cheeks and the steam of his coffee was curling away into the morning light. He always used the same mug. A pale nondescript thing that he had found in the back of one of Daniel’s cabinets. The difference today was that the distance in his eyes was somehow darker, and he held the mug in a white knuckle grip.

Whatever was after him this morning had to be particularly painful. As it always did, Daniel’s curiosity weighed heavily on him. He knew better than to ask though. Silas never answered him when he was like this. Which is exactly why Daniel nearly jumped out of his skin when he spoke. “There were three of us you know.” His voice was flat as he spoke. There was no emotion to it, not even pain. His grip tightened on the coffee cup and Daniel feared it might break. Silas didn’t seem to notice, “That made it out. Me and then two of my brothers. I lost them in our mad dash to get out, and now I don’t even know if they are alive.” He blinked and fresh tears rolled down his cheeks, “After everything we had been through I couldn’t be bothered to stay. I ran like a fucking coward and sold myself out in a desperate bid to survive. Some fucking brother I am.” For all his wishing that Silas would speak his mind, Daniel didn’t actually know how to respond now that he knew. Saying that he was sorry felt hollow and fake, and not to mention it was too little way too late. He couldn’t really relate; he and Simon had parted ways amicably. Daniel set the tray down and tried to gather his thoughts. Figure out a way to bring Silas some long overdue comfort. If there was even a way to soothe such deep regret.

He was out of his depth and grasping at straws at this point. “In a few weeks you’ll be healed enough to safely handle mildly strenuous activity. We could go looking for them if you would like.” “Why? So you can add them to your collection?” Came the sharp reply. Angry and emotionless at the same time, “So you can have a complete set of the last shapeshifters known to man?” “No.” Daniel said firmly, “So you can have some damn closure and a place to go once this contract is up. I actually want you to be safe believe it or not.” There was a long rather uncomfortable silence as Silas came back from whatever distant place in his mind that held him. His shoulders slumped as he came into the posture of a man defeated by his own thoughts. He set the mug down on the table beside the tray and Daniel saw the start of a crack. He would have to mend it one of these days so Silas could keep using it. “I’m sorry.” Silas said eventually. “You have been nothing but kind to me, and yet I still fear completely offering you my trust. You may very well be the only human with my best interests at heart and I keep pushing you away.” He finally turned to face Daniel and there was a deep sadness to his eyes, grief hung over him, “I'll think about it but that is asking a lot of faith from me; and for now I think I would rather be alone.”

“I understand.” Daniel kept his voice level though it took him a lot of effort, “I’ll be in the house if you need me.” Silas gave an absent nod and Daniel went back inside. Perhaps he shouldn’t have offered at all. Looking back, it did seem like he had malicious intent in that. He hadn’t meant it that way of course, but all of the humans Silas had ever met had been unspeakably cruel to him. Daniel should have been more careful with his words, or just kept the idea to himself. It was too late now of course, it was out there now and there was no taking it back no matter how badly he wanted to. He set about cleaning the house to keep himself occupied. He wasn’t expecting any patients today, so barring an emergency, all he had to keep his mind busy was cleaning an research. Had he been feeling particularly ambitious, he might have started on a travel plan; but he didn’t want it to seem like he was trying to push Silas toward an answer. He sighed quietly, “Good to know I still have a knack for getting in over my head when it comes to trying to help. Some things never change I suppose.” It was just his nature to be overly concerned for those around him to the point of being an annoyance it seemed.

The afternoon was slowly turning to evening by the time Silas was ready to be around him again. He didn’t say a word though. Just walked into the kitchen and began to clean his dishes. Daniel was at the table going over his medical books and making a list of things he would need to pick up the next time he went into town. He was glad to see Silas had at least eaten something while he battled with his thoughts. Silas seemed a little more composed now at the very least. That made him feel a little better, even if it didn’t shake off his guilt. “I’m sorry Silas.” He eventually said, “For this morning. It was insensitive and out of line.” Silas laughed and the sound was dry and humorless. It was an unpleasant shock to Daniel. He had never heard Silas laugh and this was definitely not the context he had wanted to hear it in. “Was it?” He asked sharply, “Are you rescinding your offer to help me find my only remaining relatives then?” “Well no.” Daniel started. “I just - I wanted you to know that I meant no offense by it. I feel like I’ve messed something up, and I want to know how to fix it.” He sighed quietly, “I hate seeing you so upset.”

Silas deflated some and that same posture of defeat returned, “It’s a matter of learning to trust you. My entire life so far has been spent fearing humans. I just have to keep in mind that you haven’t posed any danger to me yet.” He looked down, “I’m sorry for being so... defensive, I guess would be the word for it.” “You’re alright.” Daniel said gently, “These things take time. Even at that you have a lot of trauma to work through and - “ “Daniel stop.” Silas cut him off, “I need someone to listen to me not psychoanalysis. Believe me, I am well aware of my trauma and the power imbalance of our dynamic. I don’t need a reminder.” “Right.” He replied, “It can be hard to turn my doctor off sometimes.” ��I understand. It’s the only way people will acknowledge you so it has become your primary mode of existing.” He said, apparently he was out for Daniel’s soul today, “You’re more than that to me you know. You’re the closest thing I’ve had to a friend actually.” “First of all ow. Secondly, what happened to not psychoanalyzing one another?” He replied with a laugh, “I’m glad you almost think of me as a friend.”

Silas smiled and Daniel was pretty sure it was the first real smile he had ever seen from him. “I figured that you’ve done it to me enough times that I deserved a turn.” “Fair enough.” Daniel began to pick up his books and put them away. His list was as complete as it was going to get until he ran inventory. “How many weeks?” Silas asked after a long stretch of silence, “Until we can leave?” Daniel paused for a moment as he thought about it, “Six if you mind your limitations; eight to twelve if you keep ignoring them.” Silas frowned, “That was a lot more than I was hoping.” “You’ve been stubborn.” He remarked, “Agitating old injuries and coming away from your little excursions with new ones. You need rest.” “Fine.” He said as he looked toward the bookshelf, “I’ll be a better patient from here on out. Six weeks to look for a place to start should be enough.” Daniel smiled, “Of course it will.” Silas nodded his agreement and retreated back into his thoughts. He took traveler’s guides and the few maps Daniel had then settled on his bed to look them over. Daniel started to run inventory of his supplies and started on a list of traveling provisions. They would have to be ready for anything. Daniel had never traveled farther than the town after finding his place here; and the world had changed a lot since Silas had been in it last. They were venturing out into the unknown.

[zukkatrash]

A Mask to see me as I am

a modern zuko wears makeup au, 2k words, finished, read under the cut

Summary: Zuko tries to cover up his scar with make up, fails miserably but realizes that he doesn't have to cover his face to stand to look at it

(includes bad Haikus from someone who doesnt know shit about Haikus)

credit to @turtleduck-vibes for beta reading this (thanks again ur the best!!♡)

---

The first time Zuko remembered putting makeup on his face was when he was six.

His mother was painting Azula's face next to him for a festival. He couldn't help himself, just dipped his fingers into the small container of colour and smeared it on his face, trying to mimic the delicate lines mother had drawn on his sister. His mother had smiled at him as she wiped the paint off of his hands and tried her best to fix the greasepaint on him into something more put together. Zuko barely remembered the festival or even what was painted on his face, but he did remember the concentration in his mother's eyes. The dedication and love she put into every stroke of her brush and how she smiled when he giggled at the tickling sensation.

Ozai hated it.

Mother didn't paint his face

again, remembering screams.

---

The second time Zuko put makeup on was when he was thirteen, desperately trying to hide a hickey he could not and would not want to explain to anyone.

---

It didn't hide it.

Ozai found out easily.

It had hurt so much.

The third time Zuko put makeup on was when he was fifteen. He still couldn't stand looking into the mirror longer than it took to check if there was something between his teeth. So he skipped the mirror, grabbed the foundation and more or less smeared it onto his eye. The texture of it felt weird on his face, too clumpy and suffocating. So foreign from the salve he had used to heal the wound. The brush however, brought back the memory of his mother. Her death still stung in his heart — He suspected it always would. But when he stopped attacking his face with the pigment for a second and just let the brush glide along his face, he could only think of his mother's smile. He lifted his face to the mirror and couldn't help but hope that it wouldn't glare back at him with the mark of Ozai's hate.

It looked almost worse.

His eye still too small. The place where an eyebrow should be standing out starkly. The skin around his eye clumped with makeup in a harsh contrast to the smooth unmangled rest of his face. 

It took exactly three and a half seconds for him to tear his face away from the mirror.

---

He could not hide it

Hatred burned into his skin

So he wiped it off

The next time Zuko put on makeup, he was a bit more prepared, having read up a bit on proper application and the like. He set his things on the desk in front of him, asking himself once again why he was even trying. The scar would always be there. Burned into his skin. Zuko had already spent his tips from the teashop on this, so he might as well try. But when he faced the mirror, he still couldn't hold his own gaze. He should be used to it by now, having lived with the scar for over two years. Having lived with Ozai’s contempt for as long as he could remember. But hope could be persistent. Zuko knew he could never earn his father’s love. That it wasn’t something a child could earn, that it should have been given to him from the second he came into his life. Zuko knew Ozai was wrong and hateful and abusive, but still he couldn’t help but hope on some days. Couldn’t help but hope that the mirror would show him something different than the truth

Hate.

Disappointment. 

Condemnation.

He moved the mirror, only his right side visible to him now. Maybe he could practise there until he could finally stand seeing his own face again.

But what good would that do? If he wanted to hide his scar he had to put the makeup on his scar. He adjusted the mirror again. If he didn't move, all he could see was his cheek. The rough skin looked bad, but not as horrible as his eye. As my whole face- he couldn't help but think. He put some foundation on his brush and began spreading it. Unsure how to hold the brush, unsure how to move the brush, unsure why he was even trying.

But the brush felt nice and if he just focused on this small part of his face he almost forgot what he was trying to do. So he kept going, letting the brush glide over his skin, adjusting the mirror ever so slightly as he kept going. Scooting closer to it when his eye came into view, not wanting to see it compare to the other one. The normal one. The intact one. Before he knew it he had covered it all. He was done. He pulled back from the mirror.

---

But it still looked wrong

His skin the same colour, but

A mangled landscape

Zuko gave up on trying to cover his scar. The skin was too broken to ever look normal. The eye too broken to ever look normal. He was too- No, Uncle wouldn’t want him to think like that.

But he couldn't deny that he liked putting on the makeup. The method of painting, as if his face was just a sheet of paper and not a testament to Ozai's cruelty. The focus only on a part of his face, without time to criticise when there was art to be done. The memory of his mother smiling down at him as she tickled his nose with the brush. So Zuko didn’t give up on makeup. Only now, he stopped trying to hide something that would always be there.

At first he tried to emulate other people’s makeup, starting with simple things, or what he had thought to be simple things. More often than not, it didn’t come out looking any good. The soft green around his eyes, however, did look quite nice and he couldn't help but think of his uncle's work apron as he looked at his face in the mirror. For the first time in a long time, he could see his own smile look back at him.

---

The face still the same

His again with colours and

Memories of love

At seventeen Zuko’s weekend routine now had an addition. Instead of reading or studying, he would put on makeup after his shift at the jasmine dragon and wipe it off in time for dinner. He would lock the door, set the mirror on his desk and take out the small bag from where it was stuffed in his bottom drawer. He would see how different colours looked against his face, how the shapes accentuated different parts of his face, but he wouldn't cover up his scar anymore. Mostly he settled on leaving it alone altogether, since the pigment didn't tend to feel all that good on it. He got good at it though. Now he even took pictures of it, mostly just to track his progress, but the first one he had taken was a celebration. Of the first time his eyeliner looked not only even but good. Never to show anyone though. Not that he really could show anyone, since Jin would definitely tell his uncle. It wasn’t that she was a telltale, but only a few people managed to spend much time with Uncle without letting some secrets slip.  Zuko still couldn’t quite believe how easy it had been to come out to his uncle, how accidental it had been.

So maybe it wouldn’t be that bad if Uncle knew. No it definitely wouldn’t be bad. But this wasn’t only a hobby, or something Zuko just was. This was something that helped him look in the mirror. Even if his face was bare he knew how well blue went with his eyes. Where to put highlighter to bring out his cheekbones. How to get the tail of his eyeliner just right. This was something that helped him see himself behind his face.

---

A way to separate

The now away from the past

Mask to see himself

There was a knock at his door.

"Just a moment." He called back. Uncle was early, usually Zuko would have at least another half hour until dinner. He grabbed a makeup wipe and almost scrubbed it at his face. But today he had finished the dishes early. Today he had been ambitious. Today there were delicate flowers on his cheekbone. Flowers he had drawn and cleaned off with a q-tip and redrawn over and over again until they were perfect. He couldn't just wipe them off. 

“Do you need to come in?” Zuko asked before he could think better of it. 

“Are you alright, nephew?” And there it was. He hated to worry his uncle, the man had done so much for him and Zuko still just served to make his life harder.

“Yes.” Everything was alright, he just didn’t want him to come inside and yet even Zuko could hear it in his own voice. The undertone that would tell Uncle that there was something.

“I only wanted to ask if you would like to join me on a walk before dinner” Uncle’s voice was as gentle as ever.

“Nope, I’m good.” Zuko could almost feel his Uncle’s disappointment through the door.

“I am worried about you.” There was hurt in his voice and there was nothing Zuko would hate more than hurting his Uncle. He had to tell him, or rather show him.

“Zuko,” Uncle paused and Zuko already knew what was coming, but he really was fine. But then again Uncle wouldn’t know that. Zuko had already thought of telling him, but this felt like it was his and only his. He was sure Uncle wouldn’t react badly. Hell, Zuko could probably come home with bags full of stolen stuff and Uncle wouldn’t be mad at him. But this had been the first skill he had ever honed that wasn’t for other people, not to convince them of his worth. It wasn’t even that he didn’t want to tell Uncle, he just didn’t want to tell anyone.

But then Uncle had continued talking. 

Zuko took a deep breath, he knew he didn't have to worry. He knew Uncle loved him. He knew Uncle would never be mad at him for this. And yet the walk from his desk to his door had never felt longer. Zuko put his hand on the door and before he could think himself out of it he opened it.

His eyes were glued to the floor and his voice barely above a whisper.

“It’s not done yet.” Uncle took a second to react, which was to be expected but still Zuko couldn’t help his internal freak out at the silence. 

“Oh, what lovely jasmine blossoms.” and Uncle’s words were filled with love and a split second later his arms were filled with a very relieved Zuko.

---

Flowers blooming free

Pressed against a smiling cheek

Honesty brings freedom

Uncle knew and despite Zuko's worries it still was his. He might be getting more pictures of flowers when Uncle went on a walk but he didn't pry. He never pried, only ever waited patiently with open arms and a cup of tea, and when the next Saturday came around, Zuko didn’t lock his door. But left it wide open as he settled in front of his desk. And he almost didn’t startle when the apartment door opened later and the sound of Uncle’s hum filled the space.

Zuko was about to pull out his phone when he realized something. He didn’t have to take the selfie in his room where the light didn’t reach in the evening. He could catch the sun as it set from the living room. Uncle didn’t look up from his book as he passed him on the way to the window. Zuko very much understood it as the gesture it was. That their home was a place for Zuko to be himself, that Uncle wouldn’t stare at him just for expressing himself. He very much appreciated it as well, even though he had shared his secret, didn’t mean he was quited ready to really talk about it.

Vulnerable trust

Held steadfast with time and pain

And wounds can still heal

[bakutae]

bnha headcanons #4

today’s menu:

bakugou katsuki with a dollop of shouto todoroki

scenario: 

where you try to cook dinner for him

prompt:

‘i love you, so much, but please stop trying to cook me dinner. you suck.’

bakugou katsuki

it wasn’t a special occasion but you wanted to cook, and you shall

who would go against that?

well, bakugou did

you two had been together for quite some time now and you even shared an apartment together

there were times where you felt... well, experimental in the kitchen and wanted bakugou to come home to warm, delicious home cooked dinner after a long day 

calling your cooking skills bad was an understatement 

it was absolutely horrendous

you tried making curry once, instant curry, to be exact

how did you even mess up instant curry? it's literally just pouring water into it and stirring and adding your ingredients that you want in the curry

well, firstly, you added too little water and you boiled the curry for too long, causing most of the water content to evaporate and more paste like from the curry powder

you didn't mix the curry while it was boiling- it wasn't in the instructions though! how were you supposed to know that? and adding on the fact that most of the water content evaporated, you ended up with burnt curry

i mean hey, more char is added into your dish which makes it more flavorful..right?

bakugou came home to the smell of burning and at first he thought a fire was occurring somewhere and him being a top hero and all, was obviously on high alert in case anyone needed help

but when he took a closer sniff, he realised that it was coming from the kitchen

he peeked inside the kitchen and saw you trying to scrape the burnt curry off the saucepan, mumbling to yourself on how stupid you were for not using a non stick pan instead

he then shifted his glance to the plate next to the dishwasher and squinted

the curry looked..burnt and lumpy and it didn't look like it was edible

but bakugou didn't think much of it, how bad could it be?

it wasn't long before he wrapped his arms around your hips and snuggled his face into your neck, sighing in content, causing you to squeal from his hot breath on your neck

and well, long story short, it didn't taste nice, and ended up having pizza delivered for dinner, asking the delivery man to throw out the saucepan that could not be revived

of course you tipped the delivery man, it would be rude not to

this time, you wanted to go for something more ambitious; filet mignon

you couldn't help it, you were doing some grocery shopping and just so happened to drop by the meat section and saw a huge thirty percent discount on the meat

it was calling out to you, dancing on the shelves, waiting for you to pick them up

or at least that's what you told bakugou

bakugou rolled his eyes as he tried to take over the kitchen

he was a fantastic cook, actually and he didn't want to see the poor beef be served in such a pitiful way

however, you shoved him out from the kitchen telling him that everything will be alright and told him to go talk to kirishima or something if he was bored

you first added salt and pepper to both sides of the meat, carefully massaging it into the meat to make sure the the salt and pepper really make the meat flavourful and that your massaging would make the meat even more tender

you then tossed the meat into a saucepan, a new one this time since your old one got uh destroyed

you waited for a few minutes before flipping it over; or trying to flip it over

you had done it again

the meat was firmly stuck to the bottom of the saucepan as you panicked

the heat was still on and you didn't want to burn that side so you quickly turned off the heat and tried to quickly move the saucepan to a flat, cooler surface

the saucepan handle was metal, and since the saucepan was already quite hot, you held it without thinking and pain shot through your hand as you quickly let go of the saucepan, your beef falling on the floor, half cooked and probably burnt on the other side

bakugou heard the ruckus and came flying to you, worried that you got yourself injured in the process

he certainly didn’t expect the sight that he saw

you, with a shocked look on your face, hair all messed up and sticking to your neck from sweat

the meat, on the floor, contaminated with all sorts of germs, visibly stuck to the saucepan since the saucepan was tilted in a ninety degrees

he burst out laughing

'oh my god- pfft y/n, oh y/n darling, i love you, so much, but please stop trying to cook me dinner. you suck'

you pouted and your fingers went to nip at the corner of your top as you tried to defend yourself

'i forgot to butter the pan suki, maybe we should just get a non-stick pan and everything will be okay'

bakugou helped you with cleaning up

needless to say, you ended up another night with pizza delivered and once again, asking the delivery man, once again to help throw out the saucepan with the meat still stuck on it

shouto todoroki

it was your anniversary today and shouto wanted to prepare something special for the day

he knew how much you absolutely loved food, so he decided to make you a homemade meal for dinner

this guy actually took months to come up with the dishes that he was making

in his mind, he was envisioning a romantic candlelit dinner, with homemade aglio e olio and a side of mashed potatoes

shouto had no experience in cooking at all, he had never even held a kitchen knife in his entire life, except when thieves are threatening him with knifes and he coolly freezes them and slips the knife out of their hands, but that was it

he didn't think it'd be hard at all since he did some research on how to make aglio e olio and it did seem like one of the easier foods to make for beginners

it only needed the pasta noodles, garlic, salt and pepper, parsley and red pepper flakes- easy enough 

he already had the ingredients needed, all he needed to do was to get you out of the house, which was easy

he gave you a long list and requested you to get them at the grocery store that was quite far from your place

at first, you insisted that shouto go with you

you were aware that it was your anniversary and shouto seemed to have forgotten about it

even so, you wanted to spend time with shouto, but he was so insistent that you go alone that you left alone, starting to feel down as you slipped on your shoes ad left with a sigh

shouto heard it, and he felt so guilty for making you upset, but he had to get cooking

he hurriedly tried to boil the water and he waited for the water to boil 

when the water was boiling rapidly, he casually tossed the noodles in, watching as the noodles started to bend and sink deeper into the boiling water

he didn’t know how long to cook it for, and therefore decided to search it up on the internet

just then, he received a call from you

he picked up and you told him that the list was unclear and that the sprinkles in the supermarket had many types; striped ones, those in the shape of a heart and those rounded ones

he scratched his head as he wondered if he really did write down sprinkles; he had forgotten, as at that time he was just writing down anything that came to mind, focused on getting you out of the house

a smile crept onto his lips as he envisioned you staring at the packets of sprinkles in confusion and wondering which one to pick

‘shouto? why are you giggling?’

he snapped out of it and told you to buy whichever you liked best and then ended the call

his phone screen was on google, which the question ‘how long do i cook pasta for’ in the search tab

that was when he remembered what he was doing before you called

he slowly tore his eyes off the phone and peered inside the pot

great, at least it hasn’t been boiled into one lump of dough yet

he quickly turned off the heat and poured the water out, then took a strand and placed it into his mouth

it was melting in his mouth, the moment he placed it into his mouth, he could barely bite it before it was swallowable

it was far from al dente; and he still had to fry it in the pan with the other ingredients after this

he was at a lost, and decided to toss everything into the pan with some olive oil in it

the scent of garlic invaded shouto’s senses and he sighed, it smelt nice, at least

when he tried to stir the noodles, it started breaking and it looked a lot less appealing, but again, it smelt great

he absentmindedly stirred the noodles, waiting for the garlic to be cooked as it sizzled furiously in the pan

he then heard the sound of keys, followed by the sound of you opening the door

oh my gosh, you were back already? he was sure you’d take quite some time with the groceries since there was a lot of things to buy

he ran to the door to greet you, and saw you carrying at least four plastic bags on each arm and he ran to help you

‘y-y/n? why’re you home so quick?’

‘oh shouto, the grocery store is basically my second home, i know my way around’

he decided to tell you his plan, since it had already fell through

you grinned, so wide it almost scared shouto

‘i thought you forgot about our anniversary!’ 

you enveloped him in a warm embrace and press a quick kiss to his cheek and soon enough, a slightly smoky smell filled your noses

shouto suddenly pulled away and was running to the kitchen 

‘my pasta!’ 

you trailed behind him, seeing the mess in front of you 

the pasta at the ends were colored black as shouto tried to gingerly stir the pasta

the pasta at the bottom of the pan was burnt to a crisp

‘oh my gosh, shoutoo, i love you, so much, but please stop trying to cook me dinner. you suck.’

you gently stepped beside him, trying to assist him in cleaning up as he stood there, a blushing mess at the fact that you said that you loved him shouto todoroki is a shy as heck boyfriend oh man

taglist: @bnha-homeroom

[crazyblondelife]

What to Do With Your Life For the Rest of May

“ You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream.” ~ C. S. Lewis

The past two weeks have been amazing but also jam packed and exhausting for me! I got home on May 1 from visiting my daughter Sarah in Germany feeling very jet lagged, but so happy that I was able to travel and spend time with her and my sweet little Bristol. The next couple of days were a blur, but I still worked and even did some blog pictures. May 4 was my 58th birthday and my daughter made a delicious dinner for me and Graham and Hudson made me a beautiful birthday cake! The celebration continued with an amazing dinner on Wednesday at a restaurant called Machete. I highly recommend eating there if you’re local…it was one of the best meals ever! My advice is to go hungry and enjoy every bite. On Thursday, my sister and her husband took us out to dinner (it was a week of eating), and by the time Friday rolled around, I didn’t want to eat or go out anywhere, but Sunday was Mother’s Day and we went to brunch! Last week, I jumped back into blogging with both feet. I had a photo shoot on Thursday and did video and photos on Friday. I also started going to yoga again, and working out with my favorite trainer at a new gym. In between all of this, my hair color needed to be done, my nails were horrible and needed a fill in, I had a Hydrafacial and got my lashes done! Oh and did I mention that we got a new puppy? Whew…by the time yesterday got here, I was pooped! My philosophy…life is good when you’re busy!

This is my first “what to do with your life” post in a while and I have a lot to share, so grab a cup of coffee or a glass of wine and enjoy!

One thing is my life that is non negotiable is my morning meditation and this morning, I discovered a new meditation that I really enjoyed! Alicia Keys has teamed up with Deepak Chopra for a 21 Day Meditation called Activating the Divine Feminine. You can check it out here!

Just in time for summer, From the Vine brings us A Guide to 10 Perfect Summer Wine and Food Pairings! Find out all about pairing summer wine and food…

Speaking of food and wine pairings - I’m making this delicious Farro Tabbouleh with Burrata and Hummus from Half Baked Harvest for my book club dinner on Tuesday night. We read The Book of Longings by Sue Monk Kid. It’s a really wonderful book set in biblical times so I thought this dish would be totally appropriate. Even though white wine wasn’t consumed during that time in history, I will serve a white…most likely a Chenin Blanc to go with this!

Did you know that National Wine Day is celebrated every year on May 25. It is a day to appreciate wine and the science and art behind enology. This day should not be confused with National Drink Wine Day, which happens on February 18. Who knew…

Also happening in May is National Hamburger Day which is celebrated on May 28 to get people prepared for summer BBQ season. Most everyone loves a delicious burger and it’s one of the most beloved foods in America, so no wonder there is a whole day to celebrate it. Even though the burger was invented in Germany, it has become an icon of American culture, with Americans eating an average of 50 billion burgers every year. So fire up the grill, and get ready to celebrate National Burger Day.

In most areas of the country, May is a good month to plant a garden. If you’re new to gardening and thinking about planting one, you’ll find this article from Life Hacker really helpful!

We have so much shade in our yard, so this year, I’m going to plant a container garden and grow a few herbs including basil for making pesto, and some tomato plants. I found this article from The Spruce that is so helpful and answers any questions you may have about creating a container garden!

If you are in Australia, parts of the western US, western South America, or in South-East Asia, you will see the Super Flower Full Moon totally eclipsed and turn a shade of red for about 14 minutes during this total lunar eclipse, weather permitting. If you live in the eastern part of the US, this will be visible as a partial lunar eclipse, but still spectacular.

Gifts for the Graduate

May is graduation month and if you’re looking for the perfect gift, I’ve got you covered with my gift guides…

FOR THE HIGH SCHOOL GRADUATE Pehr Pompom Canvas Hamper | Kendra Scott Everlyne Blue Cord Friendship Bracelet |Italian Herringbone Personalized Throw Blanket | YETI Rambler | Rifle Paper Co. 2022 Planner | Iris Monogrammed Catchall Tray | Mark & Graham Large Monogrammed Travel Jewelry Case

FOR THE COLLEGE GRADUATE Mark & Graham Leopard Throw Blanket | Boll & Branch Classic Hemmed 300 Thread Count Organic Cotton Sheet Set | Nespresso VertuoPlus Coffee Maker & Espresso Machine | diptyque Baies/Berries Candle | Tory Burch Robinson Saffiano Leather Tote |Italian Leather Desk Blotter | Riedel Vinum Champagne Flutes

FOR THE GUYS Peter Millar North Carolina NC Crown Comfort Interlock Quarter-Zip | Courant Wireless Charging Accessory Tray | Tissot Chrono XL Collection Chronograph Bracelet Watch, 45mm | Harvey Leather Overnighter Bag | Classic Leather Folded Wallet With Money Clip | YETI Hopper Flip 8 Cooler

A Few Things I’m Loving Right Now!

Movies and Television

I’m looking forward to Georgetown - While originally premiering in late 2019 to independent film events, Christopher Waltz, Vanessa Redgrave and Annette Bening star in Georgetown, released on May 14. It’s a thriller centered around Ulrich Mott (Waltz), an ambitious social climber who marries a wealthy widow in Washington D.C. for his. sole purpose of mixing with powerful political players, the scenes are tense and the concept boggles the mind, but perhaps power and politics breed such a desire?

If you love Food Network stars, Bobby Flay and Giada de Laurentiis, this one’s for you! Premiering earlier this year, Bobby Flay and Giada de Laurentiis pair up and travel to Italy to enjoy the food and each other’s company. Have a look at an overview of the series from Mashable below. I can’t wait to watch this one!

For all the fashion lovers out there - another much-anticipated new series, this one on Netflix, is Halston. From creator and director Ryan Murphy, starring Ewan McGregor. Halston tells the untold story of the meteoric rise and fall of the first American celebrity fashion designer.

This one will just make you feel good!

Strawberry season is almost over, but there’s still time to make this delicious Strawberry Shortcake from Sally’s Baking Addiction!

I hope you’ve enjoyed today’s post…Have a great Sunday!

[lovemesomesurveys]

Animals Do you prefer cats or dogs? I’m a dog person for sure.

If you had to choose, which animal would you like to be reincarnated as? A dog. 

Some say peoples personalities or looks resemble animals. Whats your animal? Probably a sloth, ha. 

Books Which book series was the first you read? As a kid I loved Nancy Drew, The Babysitter’s Club, Sweet Valley High, and Goosebumps.

What was the last book you read? I’m currently reading Autumn’s Game by Mary Stone.

Would you rather write a book or direct a movie? Write a book.

Characters Which TV show/movie/book character do you think you are most like? Hmm. I don’t know.

Which superhero is your favourite and why? Iron Man, Spiderman, Ant-Man, Star Lord, Thor.

What's your favourite fairytale character? Is Alice in Wonderland a fairytale?

Dreams Do you usually remember your dreams? I’ll remember it briefly and then it like vanishes. My dreams are like a Snapchat.

Are most of your dreams good, scary or just plain weird? Just plain weird, man.

What dream that you've had has stuck in your head the most? Describe: The nightmares or the ones that make me wake up crying and shaking don’t like to vanish, unfortunately. Those get saved to the camera roll.

Emotions What emotion do you find yourself trying to hide from others? I’m definitely not as good at hiding my emotions anymore. They took over and control me now.

How emotional/sentimental would you say you are? A lot. I’m so damn moody.

Do your emotions control you or do you control your emotions? Like I said, they definitely control me. 

Fun What do you do for fun? May not be considered fun, but my days are spent checking my social medias, watching YouTube, watching TV, reading, scrolling through Tumblr, doing surveys, spending time with my family, lounging around, and perhaps a little coloring. I like doing those things, though, so it works for me. 

Which is more fun: cycling, watching tv, roller coaster ride or cooking? Uhh, the only thing I like out of those choices is watching TV.

What is the funnest game to play? I love board games.

Geometry Nearest square thing to you? The throw pillows on my bed.

What was the last circular thing you ate? Cookies.

Is there anything triangular in the room you're in right now? I’m sure, but nothing triangular is popping out at me at the moment and I don’t feel like really looking around and thinking about it.

Height Are you taller or shorter than average? I’m 5′4, which is short, but not shorter than average I don’t think.

Is your Mum tall or short? How about your Dad? My mom is about 5′5 and my dad is about 5′9.

Do you wish you were taller or shorter? I wish I was taller.

If... If you became pregnant or your partner did, what would you do? Well, I can’t get pregnant, sooo.

If you lost something your friend lent to you, what would you do? I would feel really bad, first of all. I’d be nervous to tell them, especially if it was something that was special and unique. I’d of course have to tell them, though, and I’d replace it if possible. If it wasn’t replaceable... I don’t know what I would do. All I could do is apologize immensely and somehow try to make it up to them. I’d be super careful if a friend lent me anything, though, regardless of what it was. I also probably would just not borrow something that wasn’t replaceable or expensive to avoid all of that.

If you had to talk about 1 subject for a minute live on TV, which one? Yikes. That minute would feel like forever, I have no idea. Pass.

Jokes Do you normally tell jokes or listen to the jokes? I’m not a joke teller except maybe some cheesy, corny one I might have heard now and then. 

What is your sense of humour like (dry, dark, sarcastic etc)? I laugh at a lot of things. I like puns and clever humour but I also like dumb things and dry things too. I think it's just really easy to make me laugh. <<< Yeah, pretty much.

Kisses Do you put x's in your text messages? No.

When did you last have a kiss? 8 years ago...

Does your grandma give you big sloppy kisses when she sees you? No. She gives me a big hug and a quick kiss on the cheek.

Language How many languages can you say 'hello my name is...' in? Three.

What language do you think sounds the nicest? I think they’re all unique and interesting.

What language do you want to learn more of? I’d love to be fluent in Spanish. I can only speak and understand a little. Brushing up on it by helping my mom do her Duolingo everyday for the past few months has been helpful.

Marriage Do you ever want to get married? No. I truly don’t see that happening for me.

Church or Registery Office? Dream wedding?

Names Your closest friends names? I don’t have any friends.

What names would you ever call your kids? I don’t want to have kids.

What name is the cutest for a little black and white doggie? I’m someone who needs to see and get a vibe from the dog first before naming them. And not just something that has to do with their color. 

Order Are you tidy? I’m not a messy person, like I don’t have clothes or stuff on my floor, I put my dishes in the sink after using them, I throw stuff away when I’m done, etc, but my room has become disorganized and a bit cluttered. I just have too much stuff and not enough space.

Do you colour code things or put them in alphabetical order? No.

Do you have any form of OCD? No. People throw that around loosely.

Promises Do you make promises often? No.

What was the last promise you made? I don’t even remember.

Do you plan to keep that promise?

Quizzes What types of online quizzes/surveys do you like taking? I like surveys with random and interesting questions that allow me to elaborate. And vent and ramble, too. I like ones like this that are divided up into categories. Themed surveys are fun as well.

Have you ever made a quiz? What was it about? No. I made a survey once a longggg time ago.

Have you ever taken an EQ or IQ test? If so, what did you get? I’ve taken IQ tests and got “above average.”

Responsibility Do you class yourself as 'responsible'? Not as much as I should be at 31 years old. :/ These past few years especially I really feel like I haven’t been responsible with a lot of things that I should be. 

What do you think defines a 'responsible' person? Someone dependable, keeps their commitments, and handles their business. They get shit done.

What is it that you are responsible for? Paying my bills, taking care of myself (haven’t been doing very well with that...), my doctor appointments, cleaning up after myself...

Secrets Do you have a lot of secrets? Not really. I’m quite boring.

"A secret isn't a secret if you tell one person." Is this true to you? Uhhh, that does make sense. You think of a secret as something you don’t share with someone else. I guess if it’s something you tell someone or a few select people that you trust that you wouldn’t want getting out to anyone else it could still be a secret, right? Something you don’t want everyone to know. *shrug*

Thought Provoking If you knew you had a high chance of dying, would you kill yourself before disease riddled you unable or hope for the best? Jeez. I don’t want to think about that.

Choose a box: 1 has a large amount of money, the other either a wish or fear of yours come true. Which do you pick? The money is tempting, but I might go with the wish...

An angel comes to you and offers to show you one thing from the future or the past; past or future and what is that thing gonna be? The future terrifies me, I’d be afraid to know a lot of things regarding my future. But I already know my past, so I don’t know what I’d ask them to show me. I don’t knowwww.

Unlucky

Would you say you are more unlucky or lucky? I don’t believe in luck. I would say I have had a lot of bad cards dealt to me and I also am fortunate in other ways. 

A leprechaun pops up and offers to plant some luck on you but it could go either way. Risk it or dismiss it? Dismiss it.

Violence When did you last hit or punch someone? I haven’t hit or punched anyone.

When did you last get hit or punched? Never.

Are you more likely to be verbally aggressive or physically? I’m not an aggressive person.

Warnings Do you listen when someone gives you a warning? I want to say I would likely listen to a warning, but I guess it would depend what it was about.

What warning has someone gave you that you wish you'd have listened to? That I should have taken care of some things sooner and not ignored/put them off for so long.

What warning has someone gave you you are glad you didn't take? I’m blanking right now. XXX

Have you ever had sex? No.

Have you ever accidentally saw someone having sex? No.

YouTube Do you go onto YouTube? I spend a lot of time on YouTube.

What is your favourite video of on YouTube? I don’t have just one favorite, I have a ton. I’m especially into ASMR.

What channels do you go on the most? I’m subscribed to several people---ASMRtists, vloggers, lifestyle videos, Disney related channels, a mukbanger, a drama commentary channel, and a channel that does videos on abandoned places and the rise and fall of former businesses that are no longer around.

Zodiac What's your starsign? Leo.

What are the traits of that sign? Do you have them? Leos are described as being very opposite of me that’s for sure. I don’t believe in that stuff anyway, though.

What zodiac sign do you think you suit the most? I don’t care.

Number 1 Name me 1 person who has changed your life for the better? My mom.

Name me 1 object that's in your kitchen right now? My Keurig.

Name one creature that freaks you out/scares you? ALL bugs.

Number 2 2nd person that you talked to today was... I haven’t talked to anyone yet, it’s 820AM and my mom is asleep and my dad and brother are at work.

What is 2 times your favourite number? 16.

You and two of your friends have got in trouble with the law. Who are the 2 friends you have got in trouble with and what did you do? No friends, sooo.

Number 3 3 words that don't describe you at all: Healthy, ambitious, confident.

Who is 3rd in your contacts list on your phone? I don’t feel like checking.

In 3 more days, what will the date be? It will be January 25, 2021.

[letterfromtrenwith]

Family Christmas

Rosina hosts a very important Christmas lunch

(Modern AU; Sam/Rosina, Drake/Morwenna, Romelza)

"Is the table set?"

"Yes, love. Same as when you asked five minutes ago." Sam gave Rosina an affectionate if slightly exasperated look. He just did not understand the importance of all this - despite how much time she'd spent trying to explain it to him.

"And the sprouts - "

"The sprouts are fine. Both sets. Everything else is either ready, or will be...on time!" Morwenna cut off Rosina's possible protest, before shaking her head. With just a little difficulty, she bent down to open one of the door's on the aga, reaching inside with a skewer, after a short while she pulled it out triumphantly. "There! Cooked through! I told you, Ros, it would be perfectly fine. Somebody else is going to have to take it out, though."

"Oh, yes!" Rosina shook herself. She shouldn't really have been standing around watching while her eight months pregnant sister-in-law checked the turkey was cooked anyway. Making to grab the oven gloves she was stopped by Sam gently taking her arm.

"I'll get it. That thing weighs a ton. There's only going to be six of us, you know."

"Yes, but we both know you and Drake eat for two!" She grinned at him, feeling just a tiny bit less tense now the turkey was done, and he laughed.

"And some of us are actually eating for two!" Morwenna smiled. "Besides, leftovers. Who are we to deny Drake that terrible turkey curry he always makes?"

"I heard that!" Drake's voice echoed in from the sitting room.

Sam heaved the admittedly sizable bird onto the bench, and helped Rosina transfer it from the roasting tin onto a serving dish. Even if Rosina did say so herself, it looked very delicious, the skin and the pancetta lattice on the crown both cooked perfectly. It only needed to sit for 30 minutes - which was just enough time for it to be served at exactly the right moment. "Oh! What about - ?"

"Demelza's mushroom wellington is in the oven and it will be ready in 20 minutes. You put it in there yourself - and set that timer." Morwenna explained patiently, pointing to where Sam's phone lay at the far end of the bench, silently counting down the minutes.

"Oh. Yes."

"I keep telling you, Ros. Everything's going to be fine." Sam had returned to his seat at the kitchen table, where he'd been doing his best to be unobtrusive but helpful ever since they'd returned from his morning service at the church.

He, and Morwenna, and Drake, had all reassured her that today was just a nice Christmas lunch and nothing to be concerned about, but Rosina was struggling to agree. She had met Sam's sister, Demelza, only once or twice before getting engaged to Sam, and Rosina wasn't entirely convinced that Demelza liked her very much. Of course, if Demelza had taken against her, a Christmas dinner probably wouldn't change that, no matter how perfect it was. Didn't stop her from obsessing over it, of course, especially after finding out that Demelza was a vegetarian.

Thankfully, despite preparing for the fairly imminent birth of a baby, Morwenna had been on hand to help. Rosina had been a bit nervous getting to know her to begin with, feeling every bit the village girl she was next to the sophisticated Morwenna, but the other woman had turned out to be incredibly sweet and friendly, and made Rosina feel nothing but welcome. That slightly awkward feeling had returned quite recently when she and Sam had been invited along to Morwenna's cousin Elizabeth's Christmas party, held in her ridiculously huge house where she lived with her incredibly rich husband, but Elizabeth had turned out to be just as kind and warm as her relative.

The doorbell rang and Rosina just about jumped out of her skin. They were here!

~

"Oh, this looks good!" Ross flashed Rosina an encouraging smile, apparently attuned to her apprehension. Demelza's husband was a handsome, dark-haired man in his mid-30s, far more casual today than in the stiff, formal portrait Rosina had seen of him in full dress uniform.

"Well, there's plenty to go around!" Although Morwenna and Sam had both gently suggested she might be being a bit over-ambitious, she hadn't really believe them until she looked at the table now, practically groaning under the various dishes laid on it. Aside from the turkey and Demelza's wellington, there was pigs in blankets, two types of potatoes (roast and dauphinoise, which she could cook but not pronounce), Yorkshire puddings (not traditional on a Christmas dinner but she'd been eating them her whole life and she'd been damned if she stopped now), two types of sprouts (one with bacon and one without, for Demelza) and various other vegetables, as well as one stuffing with pork and one without. Perhaps she'd tried too hard, or - even worse - looked like she'd tried too hard, especially as Demelza was regarding it all rather coolly.

"Great! I'm starving!"

"You've already had breakfast! And a rather large one at that!" Demelza's face broke into a wide smile when she looked at Ross, transforming her face from merely beautiful to radiant. "That's all you do at Christmas. Eat like a horse!"

"Hey, you try living on Army grub eight months of the year. They've never served us a spread like this."

There was a period of what Rosina hoped was an encouraging silence after Drake had carved the turkey (and cut a slice off Demelza's wellington) and everyone had served themselves.

"Oh, this is delicious, Rosina." Morwenna said between mouthfuls of dauphinoise.

"Mmm, fantastic." Sam agreed, reaching down to squeeze Rosina's hand under the table before sticking his fork into another pig-in-blanket.

"How -" Rosina cleared her throat, "How's yours, Demelza?"

"Mmm...gorgeous!" Demelza directed that smile at Rosina, who immediately felt like she'd been cut free of a huge weight. "I've been to three Christmas meals this December already, and have had to eat bloody nut roast at every single one! It's so nice to have something else. That sauce is beautiful. And I love the sprouts, too - is that sage and lemon on them?"

"Er, yes."

"Would it be cheeky to ask for the recipe?"

"No! No, of course not!"

With another smile, Demelza returned to her plate, helping herself to more of said sprouts. From her left, Morwenna mouthed 'See?' at Rosina, who pretended not to notice.

After pudding (either Rosina's clementine Christmas pudding or Morwenna's gingerbread yule log - everyone named Carne ended up having both) and some non-alcoholic mulled wine, they settled down in the sitting room to exchange presents. That had been a stressful shopping trip for Rosina, again backed up by Morwenna's calm presence - although she had been understandably inclined to wander off into the baby sections when left to her own devices.

Ross was absolutely delighted with his whisky miniatures, while Demelza immediately wrapped her soft wool scarf - the forest green colour perfectly complimenting her red hair the way Rosina had hoped it would - around her neck, cuddling into it.

"Oh, I love it, thank you!" Demelza handed Rosina a heavy, rectangular parcel which she unwrapped to reveal a hardcover book of knitting patterns. "Sam told me you like to make your own clothes, so..."

"Yes, yes, I do! This is very thoughtful, thank you." She shot a glance at Sam, who winked at her.

A while later, as Demelza and Ross were leaving, after Demelza had hugged both of her brothers tightly, and Morwenna as best she could around the bump, she drew Rosina slightly aside while the others chatted with Ross on the step, despite the bitter cold outside.

"I just want to say how lovely today was, Rosina. Ross isn't always home from Christmas, and what with Sam being away at the old parish until last year, it's been quite a while since I've been with all of my family. Thank you for making it so special." Before Rosina could even begin to get herself together enough to make a proper reply, she continued: "And I'm really sorry we've barely been in the same room since you and Sam got together - to tell you the truth, I was a bit nervous about today - I wasn't sure I'd made the bet impression the last couple of times we've met!"

"Oh, r-really?" Demelza didn't seem to notice Rosina's slightly strangled tone.

"Yes! But I definitely want to remedy that. I'll call you after New Year and we can have coffee. Get some girl time with my future sister-in-law!" With a quick hug, which Rosina was too surprised to respond to, she was gone, hurrying down the garden path after Ross, stylish leather boots crunching on the frost. With a final wave, she disappeared out of the gate. Sam and Drake retreated back into the sitting room, leaving Rosina and Morwenna standing in the hallway, Rosina still holding the door open for a moment before slowly clicking it shut.

"All right?" Morwenna asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Oh? Yes." Rosina sniffed and quickly rubbed at her eyes. "Just the cold wind that's all."

[blasphoeme]

I Love You More Than Ice Cream

It’s A Date

Chap 5/?

Chapter Summary:

Jon takes Dany on their very first date. A dinner for two under the starry sky, talks of childhood shenanigans and a relatively large revelation about Jon comes to light. How will things go? Will they have a good time? Will the night end with a sweet goodnight in a meeting of lips for the very first time? Read on my dear readers XD.

Can be read on Ao3 too. Along with the previous chaps 1, 2, 3, 4. :)

A small smile edged its way onto her lips, inch by inch, growing and growing into a huge grin as she took in the view before her. An inexplicable sense of surprise settled in her belly and blossomed into wonder. Nestled behind the bright towering neon letters displaying the word ‘diner’ was a rooftop garden.

Though the area wasn’t very spacious, pots and planters housing various flowers and herbs galore were lined up neatly in two rows starting from the metal gate and along the perimeter of the space. Spindly leafy appendages bobbed in time with the cool evening breeze. The earthy scent of dirt, picked up by the circulating air currents harmonized wonderfully with the sweet exotic aroma of plants. Creeper vines twisted their nimble bodies around the steel skeleton of the neon sign, inching all the way up the pillars, across the wooden beams of the pergola overhead. Intermingled with the leaves were fairy lights, posing as wannabe stars that twinkled faintly against the backdrop of the setting sun. In the middle of the garden sat a table, decked out for two.

Ambling slowly behind Dany with his hands tucked into his jeans pockets, Jon’s eyes tracked her every move as she navigated her way through the garden. He could barely contain his joy, so thrilled to see the wide-eyed look of fascination on her face. He thanked his lucky stars for having such a supportive family who were more than ecstatic when he told them he was bringing his crush on a date. His uncle immediately pushed for them to have it at this very diner. To be more original, Arya then suggested that they modify the venue a little. Instead of eating in the diner, crammed into a booth during dinner rush, having to shout to hear each other over the crowd, why not make it a little more romantic? They’d spend the past week preparing for this moment. From the menu, to the decorations and the flower bouquet he gifted to her. Gaping at the splendour around her, at the flora with hues of every shade of the rainbow, taking it all in, Dany was in awe. Along the little path between the plants she went, she also spotted several pots of daisies sitting in a corner. Jon must have picked each flower one by one to form the bouquet for her. All around her, every plant in the garden looked healthy and strong, making her wonder just how much labour and love was poured into tending to this magical little sanctuary, hidden away from the eyes of the people on the street. 

As she neared the clearing where the table was, a flash of colour at her periphery caught her eye. Huddled amongst the miscellaneous flora was an unusual rose bush. Stopping before it, she got onto her haunches to get a closer look. Never had she seen roses of that colour nor had she smelt a scent so sweet. The blossoms, just beginning to bloom wore a hue of the bluest, clearest sky on a sunny cloudless day. Under her thumb the unmarred azure petals were of the smoothest of velvet. “You’ve never been here before now have you?” Glancing up at her date for the night, who had came to a stop by her side, Dany stated dryly: “If I did, I would’ve been trespassing on private property.” Just then, the puppy in her arms that she had almost forgotten was there, started to wiggle, whining to be let down. “You want to go explore too little guy? Okay.” Dany placed Ghost onto the concrete ground. As soon as he landed, he darted forwards in a run before turning the corner and disappearing behind the back wall like he was accustomed with the place already. Strange. “You’re here! Finally!“ Following the voice, Dany was pleasantly surprised to find a petite young woman standing by a small door that looked to be a dumbwaiter sitting in the wall. “Welcome to Lone Wolf Diner where the pack serves fries, free with every main course you order!” The girl continued, reciting the well-versed motto of her family’s diner. With a gasp and a happy heart, quick steps brought her over to the girl. Pulling her in for a big hug, Dany squealed. “Arya! It’s so good to see you again. It’s been a while, hasn’t it?” “Hi! And yes it has been too long. We’ve missed hanging out with you so much.” Arya hugged her back, tightly. She liked Dany very much. Memories of nights staying up late with her siblings way pass their bed time, cuddled into Dany’s sides on the couch, gorging on snacks whilst a Disney movie played on the television were the catalysts for the fondness she held for her favourite babysitter. Plus, the woman, then teenager made really yummy treats. She’d always had a knack for it. Arya drew back from their hug, still clutching Dany’s hands in hers. Her large grey eyes were sparkling with hopeful glee. “Now that you’re dating Jon.... Maybe you’d be around more often.”

“Wait... you guys know each other?” 

“I should have told you earlier but we didn’t gotten the chance to. We’re family and Arya’s my cousin.” Moving over to the table, Jon pulled out a chair for Dany before turning to look at her expectantly with a touch of hesitance and sheepishness. He hoped she didn’t feel miffed about his identity. His family was her competition after all.

Wordlessly applauding Jon’s gallantry, Arya tugged a gawping Dany by the arm over to the table and shepherded her into her seat. “Thank you.” Dany muttered absently over her shoulder to Jon as he pushed her chair in like the gentleman he was. Once Jon was seated opposite her, Dany looked between him and Arya in complete bafflement. “Mister Stark’s your uncle? Mister Benjen has a child?” “Oh no, Jon is Auntie Lyanna’s son.” Arya commented. “Lyanna? I never knew Mister Stark had a sister.” “My mum left to explore the world when she turned twenty one with nothing but a suit case and a thirst for adventure. Long story short, she met my dad who was on vacation in Greece, fell in love and had me. She hasn’t been back here in ages because she says she has so much more to see of this world and she would only return when she’s done. They’re currently in New Zealand now.” “Auntie Lyanna is such a badass! Sometimes, we get to talk with her on the phone or even video call and she’s always in a different country every time! She’s my inspiration.” Arya gushed with complete admiration for her globe-trotting aunt. Looking to Jon, she added as forethought, “Your dad is a total badass too of course. Can’t forget him.” “Thanks.” Jon smiled, fiddling with the fork laid out for him on the table. His parents were definitely not the most conventional kind. The years of his childhood up till the age of fifteen, just before his grandparents enrolled him into the boarding school his father had attended as a child in England, were spent in foreign countries. The things he learnt about the people, the culture, all that knowledge that comes from traveling had shaped him into the man he was today. “That’s amazing. Your parents are such courageous people and you must have had such a fun childhood!” Dany couldn’t help feeling a tad bit envious. Traveling the world, visiting distant lands, soaking up all that the world had to offer? That would be the perfect life. An ambitious dream that she’d had since forever. “I hope to tick that off my bucket list one day. To leave my footprints all around the world and see everything.” “Oh.... Why don’t you guys go together? Start off with New Zealand to visit Auntie Lyanna, meet the parents and all that.” Voicing her suggestion, Arya waggled her dark brows at Dany while clapping a hand repeatedly on Jon’s shoulder. Teasing Jon alone was hardly this entertaining! The two adults before her were growing as red as the beetroots that her mother cultivated in summer. She could nearly feel the heat radiating off the two of them. I could even fry eggs on the apples of their cheeks, she thought. “All right, okay I’ll stop messing with you two now. You guys are just so adorable. Sheesh!” Arya scampered back to the dumbwaiter. “My main mission for coming up here was to inform you that your food would come straight up from the kitchen downstairs in this contraption.” Patting the shiny metal door she elaborated, “When you’re done with each course, just send the dishes back down with this button and the next course will be sent up for you.” Jon and Dany nodded at her instructions mutely, each looking down at their feet and fingers respectively, their faces aflame. Maybe just one more time wouldn’t hurt? Never one to miss a chance at letting her trickster side out, Arya didn’t even bother putting a stopper on her next ploy. “Before I go, you want to know something stinkingly cute, Dany?” “Hmm?” At the mention of her name, Dany’s head shot up to Arya from staring at her twiddling fingers lying on her lap. “This guy here?” Locking an arm around her cousin’s neck, Arya revealed to Dany something Jon probably would never for the life of him, want her to find out about. “He spent the whole morning looking at his reflection giving himself a stern pep talk on what to say, what to do and to not freak out when he goes to pick you up.” Arya was bouncing with excitement. She’d been waiting a whole week for this moment to do this. Some would say it was mean but she liked to think it was what family did, practical jokes, endless teasing and tasteful pranks of course. His embarrassment from before hadn’t even faded and now this? Jon’s jaw fell in mortification. Glancing at Dany out of the corner of his eye, the mirthful surprise dancing within her pretty purple eyes and the daintily arched brow had a further gush of heat rushing straight up to his head like the mercury line of a thermometer, forcing his face to heat up even more. Reaching around Arya, his arms flailed as he tried to stop her blabbing. He had to curb to spill of words from her mouth. His grumbles of ‘Shut up, Arya!’ did nothing to stop her, cackling ecstatically to herself, Arya’s slender fingers wound themselves tightly around Jon’s wrists. With a strong grip, developed from years of rough housing with her three brothers, she held Jon’s hands effortlessly away from her face. She was on a roll and she wasn’t going to let him stop her. “I could go on all day about how panicky he’d been since he came home from meeting you last week. This was the first time we’ve ever seen broody Jon this uncharacteristically... un-broody. Beaming like a loon while staring into space thinking about you. He couldn’t even go two sentences without mentioning your name!” “I don’t do that.... surely?” Jon uttered indignantly to himself, struggling to free his hands from Arya’s claws. “Oh yes. You sure do!” Noticing Dany’s hands clamped over her mouth and the tremor in her shoulders, filled Arya with a smug sense of accomplishment. “If you didn’t know before, this man is downright smitten with you!” The plaintive groans from the man behind her only spurred her on even more. “Naturally, we couldn’t let this chance pass him by! We all pitched in to set up this date for the both you!” The five siblings minus their eldest brother, Robb, who was busy with his job and a baby on the way, had spent the day hanging up the fairy lights, rearranging the pots and cleaning up the rooftop, making it presentable for their guest. Abruptly, she let go of Jon’s wrists causing him to fall back down into his seat, landing on his bum with an ‘oof!’.

Swapping out playfulness with sincerity, Arya took a step closer to where Dany sat. “He really, really likes you, Dany. We hope you feel the same for him too.” Taking the young girl’s hands in hers and squeezing them, Dany couldn’t deny that Arya’s revelation, knowing that he was just as anxious and happy about their date as her only made Jon all the more favourable in her eyes. Meeting the eyes of the blushing, endearing man across the table, she informed the two of them and herself out loud for the first time, “It just so happens, I like him a lot too.” There was a swooping in his tummy like a rollercoaster, free falling to the pull of gravity before shooting back up again. Jon grinned, his brown eyes squinting intensely from the push of his smile. They were trained on the dark wood of the table. Nowhere near the stunning woman he knew was watching him with her twinkling eyes. She likes him! “Aww you guys are so sweet!” Arya cheered. The man that was her favourite cousin, technically only cousin but it still counted, wore the dopiest grin she’d ever seen strung across his lips. Her favourite babysitter looked so demure, giving the man on the other side of the table bashful glances from beneath her lashes, accompanied by a red tinge on her face. Their happiness seemed to light them up from the inside out. Arya’s own smile softened into relieved one. It was evident that these two silly lovebirds were made for each other. Deciding it was time to stop bugging them, Arya coughed just loud enough to draw Jon and Dany’s mooneyes away from each other, she bid them farewell. “I’ll leave you guys alone now. Enjoy your dinner! I’ll see you around, Dany!” “It’s been great seeing you again!” Dany said, watching as the brunette girl tossed a quick wave in her direction before going around the wall that Ghost had disappeared behind. Leaning forward, she caught a glimpse of a glass sliding door slide shut, followed by the closing of a retractable folding door with wooden shutters. With Arya gone the rooftop became so quiet, save for the two people seated giggling at each other, suddenly shy again. Dany’s admission of her feelings for her date came rolling back, slamming into them both like a torrent of untameable waves. Idly tracing a line against the grain of the wooden table with his finger, Jon voiced that singular, blaring thought that had been whirling through his mind for the past few minutes: “So.... you... like me?” He looked like a young boy kicking at stones with his feet as he waited for his crush to push him away, waiting for her to decide that she didn’t want to play with him anymore because he wasn’t cool like the big kids.

Dany nodded resolutely. It was too late to turn back now, might as well take it all with her chin held high. “Yes.” She could hardly believe that she had said it right in front of his face without any hesitation at all! All this while she never told a soul save for Missandei. She hadn’t even dared to declare those feelings to herself yet! Where did that courage come from, she wondered. Heart hammering hard behind the curve of her ribs, Dany pondered at how miraculous the human body was. How was it that seeing Jon smile at her could have her feeling so peculiarly wonderful, all fuzzy and effervescent on the inside? “They say first impressions are everything. First dates even more so I think. I hadn’t come clean about my family to you before today and you had to hear all about my awkward self just now thanks to my pesky relative. You still like me?” Those wide chocolate orbs looking back at her were teeming with an open vulnerability that sent her heart lurching. He was so beautiful, how could she not adore him? “Oh, Jon. I’m very happy that you’re related to the Starks. They watched me grow up and your uncle has helped me so much with my business, I owe them a lot. Don’t be sorry for not telling me sooner. As you mentioned, we’ve haven’t had the time.” Threading her fingers with his, Dany marvelled at how perfectly their digits slid into place, hers within the gaps of his and his within hers. “And if you must know, I meant what I said. I like you and your awkward self very, very much.” “Well.... I’m immensely pleased to hear that.” Jon gave the slender fingers linked with his a light squeeze. Tenderly, his thumb began to move. “I just so happen to like you a lot too. You and your perfect self.” And he truly did. This was a long time coming confession since the moment his heart was struck down by the sight of her smile. Transfixed, Dany watched the path of Jon’s thumb as it outlined the curve between her index finger and thumb. His feather light touch stirred up a flurry of goose bumps all over her body and a need for something, something more. Subconsciously, she wriggled in her seat, crossing and uncrossing her legs.Expelling a tremor-laden chuckle, Dany professed, “Believe me when I say I’m not perfect. You haven’t see the side of me that’s not on a date with a handsome man yet.” “Oh. I hope you don’t mind if I stick around to find out then?” His voice adopted that hopeful lilt once more. She called him handsome. His stomach did a summersault. “I’d like that, yes. Very much actually.” She wondered if they would get to the point where they could be comfortably unglamorous around each other. The two of them lounged in front of the television, gorging on greasy pizzas or mornings where the first thing they saw of each other was messy bed head. She prayed they’d get there one day. Just then the mechanism within the little food elevator came on, producing a whirring noise, leading up to a cheery ‘ding’. The little button beside the door lit up too. Their dinner was served. 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Reluctantly letting go of her hand, Jon went over to the dumbwaiter. Pushing the doors apart, two steaming bowls of par green soup were revealed, served on a wooden tray. A folded piece of cream-colored paper sat word side down like an erected tent in between the bowls. Lifting the tray from the metal box, Jon brought it over to their table. Careful not to spill any of the soup, he served a bowl to his eagerly awaiting date first and then himself. The tantalizing fragrance of something rich and earthy hit Dany’s nose as it wafted up into the air with the steam. “Oh... I can’t wait to try this. Looks and smells like asparagus or could it be peas? What does that note say?” Picking up the folded note, Jon’s eyes gave it a skim. “Hello young lovers...” Relishing in Dany’s tinkle of a giggle, lips twitching upwards in response, he continued, “To start off your evening, I have prepared a cream based soup that features the freshest of spring ingredients - asparagus, peas and fennel. Spring is a time for new beginnings and new relationships alike. I hope you’ll have a splendid date and may your budding romance flourish like a blossom coming to bloom under the nurturing hand of nature. Love, Ned, your chef and hopefully family in due time.” Family! Nibbling on her lower lip, a new wave of heat simmered under her skin at Ned’s pointedly written words directed at her. It was all too soon. Dare she hope to be a part of Jon’s family? Tucking an errant tendril of hair behind her ear, she begged her heart to stop pounding just enough for her to get through this dinner. Resting the paper on the table, Jon gulped, shoving the torrent of flustered nerves back into the depths of his belly. His uncle really was too much sometimes. He’d been so preoccupied with trying to make her notice him that the idea of having Dany in his life forever never even had the chance to cross his mind yet. Having her successfully look his way was a miracle in itself! One day in the future, perchance she’d have him entirely, for a long, long time. Only then, he’d consider himself, truly, the luckiest man on earth. “Umm... So... Shall we?”

“Yes. Let’s eat! Bon appétit.” 

Dunking her spoon it into her bowl, Dany swirled the dollop of cream around until it blended in with the milky, pale green, piping hot liquid goodness. The little cubes of toasted bread floated like isles in a sea of green.

Desperately needing something to calm the fluttering in her middle, she brought the spoon back up and towards her lips before taking a sip. The moan that flew out of her lips, still attached to the spoon would have made her blush if she wasn’t already ladling another spoonful of the wonderful warm soup into her mouth. It could easily be the best thing she’d ever tasted. The earthy sweet flavourful medley of asparagus, peas and fennel was strong upon her tongue, yet it left a light, refreshing aftertaste, making her want more. If tea was a hug in a mug, this soup was like consuming liquid sunshine. Before she knew it, she had reached the bottom of her bowl. Sitting across from her, Jon slurped up his soup just as speedily, just noticing how famished he was having not eaten much all day, too anxious to ingest anything but a few bites of toast that morning. Sitting back in his seat feeling satisfied, Jon smacked his lips, savouring any remnant taste of the soup in his mouth. Having eaten his food every day, he could really attest that his uncle truly was a very capable chef. Judging from Dany’s gleaming bowl, he could tell that she would thoroughly agree with him.

“Shall I send our dishes back done and move on to the main course?” “Yes please!” Already moving to place her empty bowl and used spoon back onto the tray that it came from, Dany replied, her enthusiasm palpable. Down the dishes went and up came more. This time, it was two serves of warm lasagna and a bottle of red to go with them. “Oh! I haven’t had this in ages!” The familiar fragrance of tomato, onions, garlic, minced beef and Italian herbs filled the air. “You know I used to come to the diner after school every day just to have Mister Stark’s lasagna?” “I think my uncle must have known that.” Lifting up the note that came with their food, Jon flipped it the right side up before taking in the scrawl of letters. “Ah! Yes. He said so right here.” This note was much shorter than the last, lacking in more teasing quips, thank the gods. “‘For your main course, a classic from this very diner and a favourite of a certain little lady with the purple eyes. The bottle of Merlot goes really well with the red sauce.’” The layers of pasta, meat sauce and cheese caved under the pressure of her fork like butter under the blade of a hot knife. Lifting the fork towards her mouth, pulling a string of gooey melted cheese along with it, Dany blew on the forkful hastily before popping it into her mouth. The taste was just as she remembered, transporting her instantly back to the days of her youth when she’d run over to the diner instead of going home for lunch. “My mum could never make it quite as good as his. Don’t ever tell her I said that. She’s great with numbers but she isn’t that much of a cook.” Pouring some wine into a wine glass for Dany and then tipping some into his own, Jon smiled a wistful smile. An image of the cutest little girl with silver curls and lavender eyes like a doll formed in his mind. What would it have been like to grow up with her? Would they have been good friends? Would they have found themselves in their current state much sooner? “What I wouldn’t give to meet little you. I bet you were just as wonderful as you are now.” “Mm.” Shaking her head with her mouth stuffed, Dany chewed quickly and swallowed. “Wonderful? I wouldn’t go that far. I’ll have you know that I was quite naughty as a child. Detention was my best friend in high school.” Taking a sip of his wine, Jon couldn’t help but disagree. “I find that hard to believe.” “It’s true! You see I had a bad boy jock boyfriend at the time. I used to get up to lots of silly, sometimes not so nice antics just to get myself into detention so I could be with him a little more.” A ruefully half smirk tugged at her lips from behind her wine glass. “When he dumped me after two years, a veil had lifted and I could finally see that in my strive to keep him with me the people around me got hurt.” Thumbtacks scattered upon a teacher’s chair, gum in their hair, all the notorious things that she never would have done if she were given another chance to relive her childhood. Her parents were so disappointed in her. “I did get over him eventually and the pain didn’t last for long. After that, I knew I had to change. So, I apologized to everyone I hurt and I worked hard in school. I got into college and all the rest was history. Time heals even the deepest of wounds I suppose.” ”I need to put it out there. That jackass was an idiot for leaving you.” How could anyone do that to someone like her? He would never, ever have left her. “And for what it’s worth, you were just a child then. I think we’ve all done things we aren’t too proud of as kids. Whether it was to fit in or earn the affection of someone we liked.” Giving Jon’s arm a gentle squeeze, Dany gave him a grateful smile, passing along a silent ‘thank you’. He understood her.  The chance of finding someone who you could relate to was so slim. Someone like him was rare in the world. For that, she counted herself extremely blessed.

“What I am most intrigued about now is… What, may I ask, did you do as a boy that was so shameful?“ “All I’m going to say is that it involved drunkenness, a bottle of the headmaster’s whiskey and a dare.” Dany’s eyebrow rose up high. She could venture a guess as to the outcome from all the clues he dropped and it sounded like an entertaining tale. “What happened?” “Not telling.” Batting her eyelashes coquettishly, putting on her best puppy dog eyes, Dany pleaded with him. “Tell me... please...?” This woman would be the death of him. He was sure of it. How was he to deny her anything when she looked like that? Groaning under effect of those large doe like eyes of hers, his resolve crumbled like a house of cards.“Fine. I will tell you on one condition that this stays between us and only us. No one else can know about this.” Index finger drawing a cross over her heart, Dany gave him a solemn nod in promise. “I won’t tell anyone.” Resting her forearms on the table, interlocking her fingers on the table, Dany leant forward, ready to listen to whatever sordid tale Jon had to tell. Taking a gulp of his wine, shifting to mimic Dany’s posture, Jon commenced his tale. He regaled her of a drunken night of partying, which lead to a classic game of truth or dare. Bolstered by the copious amounts of beer and spiked punch, young Jon chose to participate in a dare which required him to steal the bottle of Jameson stored in the bottom left drawer of his headmaster’s desk. Simple enough, right? How naïve he was. Just sneak in quick, pick the lock and get out. Unfortunately for him, there was a catch. He had to run from the dorms to the other side of the campus.

Naked as the day he was born. “No.... You didn’t!” “You can bet all the money in the world that I did.” There he went in the dark of night, butt naked, streaking across the campus grounds. His gaggle of drunken friends followed behind him, giggling like schoolgirls. Up the stairs they went, stopping just outside their destination. To their utmost joy, the office door was unlocked! In Jon crept, his friends waiting outside the corridor for him to emerge victorious. “There I stood without a stitch on me, clumsily fumbling with the handle of the drawer, trying so hard to pull it open. Until, it came to me that I didn’t know how to pick a lock. To make matters worse, the headmaster chose that very moment to traipse back into his office.” “Oh dear...” Dany cringed. She had an inkling of what was coming. His fellow dorm mates and friends had bailed on him once they caught sight of Mr Montgomery’s shiny baldhead. In the end, their pajama-clad headmaster caught a very exposed, totally hammered, teenage Jon standing by his desk trying to break into his finest whiskey. Shrugging as nonchalantly as he could Jon casually picked up his wine glass and swirled the maroon liquid around. “I spent two weeks on kitchen duty after and none of the boys would let me forget that night. I was pretty much a legend.” “A shameless one at that!” A bark of laughter erupted from Dany’s mouth. She was so glad that she wasn’t drinking her wine. Otherwise, it would have gone up her nose and projected everywhere. “I’m glad my plight amuses you.” Jon said appreciating how charming Dany looked succumbed to the call of full belly chortles. Her laughter filled him with veneration and pride knowing that he brought it to light. Everyone knows a good meal cannot end without dessert. For such a special occasion, Ned had created something new for them - a s’more pie. Sitting on two plates were two generously large slices. A base of crushed Graham crackers, a filling of decedent dark chocolate mousse topped with pieces of toasted marshmallows. Just as the last two courses, this final one was enjoyed and disappeared in the blink of an eye betwixt a volley of banter and a chorus of laughter. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Dad! Leave the two of them alone.” Sansa laughed. Her father had his hands cupped around his eyes straining to peek through the wooden shutters at the two little lovebirds dining outside. Looking over the railing from his position a top the spiral staircase leading to the roof, Ned asked his brood: “Aren’t you curious about how things are going? My only baby sister’s son is on a date! The last time he was here he was just a wee boy of four! I was never there to see him grow up and I’ve definitely never had the chance to see him bring a girl home before.” His arms waving about animatedly and his eyes exaggeratedly wide as he sprinted back up the steps.“Oh.... I need to document every second of this fine moment for your aunt. Do they like my food?” Arya and Rickon were practically rolling on the carpet laughing at their dramatic daddy. Rolling her eyes, Sansa shook her head once more before turning back to her laptop. Rickon gave his brother, Bran’s leg a shake only to get a grunt in return. Frowning at his brother’s engrossment in his book. The fool is missing out with his nose always stuck in a book! Looking up at his father’s back, he pointed out a very obvious problem. “You’re not doing it right, daddy! The wood is blocking your eyes! You need to open the window to see.” Ned pried away one of the loose pieces of wood from the shutters with a triumphant ‘hah!’. Pressing his ear to the strip of glass revealed all he heard was muffled laughter and conversation. With his eyes cupped to erase any trace of a reflection, he could see their silhouettes in the dark pretty well thanks to the fairy lights they’d strung up. Jon and Dany seemed to be having a good time, animatedly chatting over their dessert with smiles plastered on their faces. Replacing the wooden plank in its rightful place, Ned knew Lyanna would be happy to know that her quiet son had found himself a nice girl. “Or... we could sneak a camera out there to watch them! That way you could document their interactions properly too. Why didn’t I think of this sooner! From the way they were mooning all over each other even with me standing right there, this has got to be good!” Bolting up from her sprawled position within her nest of pillows on the floor that she was sharing with Rickon, Arya’s eyes glowed with excitement. Her new prototype could finally be taken out for a trial run! “I’ll go and get it for you. I have just the thing!” “Hold on a minute, kiddo.” Ned caught his pesky daughter around her shoulders and reeled her in to him. Peering up at her father, she asked in her most innocent voice: “When did you come back down from there, daddy? You’re very quick.” Ruffling her head of raven curls that matched his own minus the odd strands of grey, Ned’s heart swelled with love. They said a parent should never have a favourite child, but he couldn’t help it. Even though he loved all his children, all five of them very much, Arya was his baby girl. “I think filming them might be a bit too intrusive. Your sister is right. Let’s give them their space to be better acquainted.” “Aww man! My miniature camera goes untested once again!” Hugging her father around his waist, she nuzzled her face into his chest and whined. Patting her hair, Ned smiled. No matter how big she got, she was still his headstrong, spirited, incredibly bright baby girl. Now, he had to make an international call to New Zealand. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- With sated bellies, minds a buzz from the wine, the two budding lovers meandered along the vacant streets, hands finding each other’s in the dark. Reaching the street that would take them to Dany’s home, she huddled closer into Jon’s side, not out of fear for what loitered in the night but for the reassurance that he was truly real and to prove that the lovely evening they’d spent together truly did happen. Each step they took, dawdled a little more the closer they got to their destination. Taking pauses every few seconds to just bask in each other’s presence for a little while longer. Neither of them wanted the night to end that soon. “I’ve loved every second of this evening, Jon. Please give my compliments to the chef and I think he’d be happy to know that I may have gotten some inspiration from this wonderful meal for my next range of ice cream flavours.” “What do you have in mind?” 

Trying hard not to stumble in the dark as they made their way up the steps to her little ice cream haven, Jon couldn’t stop his eyes from drifting back to Dany. Watching every move she made, gracefully moving between the shadows of the night. The beams of moonlight painted her in an ethereal glow. Like an elven nymph dancing before him, leading him along by the hand to wherever her heart desired to go. The small hand tightly tucked within his, the warmth of her palm pressed against his was a homing beacon for all his senses to congregate to. He felt light and tingly all over. Boy, was he far gone. Not letting go of his hand, Dany stepped up onto her porch and spun around to face him. Jon now stood a step below her, gazing up at her with his deep chocolate eyes that shone with unwavering adoration under the silver light of the moon.

An adoration for her.

It was hard to fathom this happening so quickly considering they’d only just met only recently. Who was she to deny the affections of someone so genuinely sweet? Someone who was captivated by her, not just for her looks but she was inclined to believe that it was for all of her, inside and out. If Jon wanted to discover it all, discover every single thing about her? She would personally hold the door open and invite him in.  “Mmm.... I’m afraid you’ll have to swing by tomorrow and find out for yourself.” 

Any excuse, any chance to see this darling man again, she would come up with and take them all. After all, he wasn’t the only one who was paddling in the deep end of affection. He wanted to be with her and she too wanted him close, so very much. She hadn’t smiled or laughed like she had with a member of the opposite sex in so long. Every moment spent with Jon brought her to life. She wanted to learn all that she could about this man who was so quickly becoming a fixture that she wanted to create a permanent home for in her world. “Are you asking me out on a date, my lady?” “You gave me such a marvellous one tonight. Turn about is only fair. What do you say to hanging out in my kitchen and do some experiments on ice cream with me?” “I say.... experimentation with food may not be as great as a three course meal but I suppose it’d be nice.” He couldn’t help it. He had to know how this perfect woman would react should he push her buttons a little. “Hey! Are you underestimating my abilities to provide a good time? At least give a girl a chance! Ice cream making is an art that requires precision and wit, which I assume you’ve never experienced before. Here I thought it would be something fun for us to do together.” Releasing a harrumph, Dany swatted him lightly on the arm with her free hand before making a move to shake off his hand that was still clasped around hers. Chuckling, Jon tightened his hold on her hand and drew his very cute pouty-lipped date towards him. A sharp gasp escaped from her as her body collided with his. Perhaps it was the alcohol giving him a boost in confidence, his arm shot out to snake around Dany’s waist. Whether it was to keep her from falling or to usher her in closer to him, Jon really couldn’t say. The urge to have her as close to him as humanly possible was all too compelling. 

“I was merely playing with you.” The instant their bodies aligned, the air around them crackled with a certain tension that had both their hearts leaping into their mouths. “You’re coming tomorrow? This date might not to be a very romantic one nor does it go according to the list of cliché activities of what couples usually go for.” Her hands grabbed at Jon’s shoulders in seek of some semblance of balance while her heart went haywire, beating out of tempo like an un-tuned metronome. Their sudden closeness threw her, bringing forth dizziness. Jon’s broad chest rose and fell against hers, each inhale and exhale of his, pressed him to her even more. A callused thumb coasting down the curve of her cheek had a tremor zinging through her body. It felt so good that her knees could have buckled under her. A tiny whimper lodged its way up her throat.  Their lips parted without much coaxing. Just an inch closer and they would touch. Curiosity lanced with desire coiled deep within their beings. Did they dare to venture a taste? Was it all too soon to cross that boundary, to take a step in the direction of physical intimacy? Could they throw everything to the wind and give in to that temptation? “My answer to your request is, yes, I would love nothing more than to come over.” Under the spell of that irresistible magnetic pull between them, Jon inched even closer to his ladylove. No one knew what supplied him with the courage to do what he did next, but nonetheless, he brushed the tip of his nose alongside hers before running it up and down along the length of her nose, keeping his touch to a graze. “As long as we’re together, anything would be fine. What we do wouldn’t matter if I got to spend time with you. I’m sure we could find a way to amp up the romance somehow anyway.” His ticklish caresses and those affectionate, heartfelt words articulated in that husky voice of his had jolts of electricity bolting straight towards the point between her legs, at the apex where her thighs met. Dany’s toes curled within her sneakers. Oh god, what was happening to her? “I’ll be here tomorrow. How about around the time your shop closes?” Jon whispered. There was no need to speak much louder than that with her so near. So near, he could count the freckles fanning out across her cheeks.

Their lips were now a mere hair’s breadth apart. So close, that each exhalation from their lungs mingled between them. Dany’s eyes grew enthralled by the movement of Jon’s lips and his pink tongue that darted out to moisten his lips.

Just a little closer.

Embroiled in the magic of the moment, her words eluded her. All she could manage was a nod and a hum of acquiescence. That mouth of his was so pretty, unfairly pretty for a man. She had a sudden craving to know how they felt moving against hers. Would those enticing lips be smooth or would they be rough? Whether his tongue would set her body on fire, trailing down her neck or up the inside of her thighs to kiss her there? What was this man kindling in her?

Looking back on that very night, neither of them could pin point with confidence which one out of the two of them made the first move. Dany would deny vehemently that it was her and Jon would do the same when she brought it up. Back in the present, the miniscule gap keeping them apart vanished in an ever so gentle collision of lips, like the timid flutter of a butterfly’s wings. The tentative press of their closed lips lingered and their hearts lurched to a halt. Sucking in a sharp breath through their noses, their beating organs came to, riding upon the backs of a horde of stampeding rhinoceroses that rattled them both to the core. Just a sweet, delicate touch was enough to send their senses into a tizzy, lighting up every nerve ending in their bodies like the insides of a pinball machine.

Kissing each other was everything they had expected and so much more. For Jon, Dany’s lips under his were like the insides of a rosebud, soft and sweet, bringing forth a sense of possessiveness from his core. For Dany, Jon’s plaint lips were a little dry and yet still very pleasant. Combined with the steady enclosure of his arms around her holding her upright and his lips moving in what she could only describe as lovingly upon hers made her shiver. It was a shame that their physiological demand for air forced them to drag their lips unwittingly away from their lip lock. A euphoric sort of bubble held them both hostage and neither of them was eager to depart from it. So, they stood together just breathing as one, taking in some much needed air. Meeting each other’s eyes, they saw disbelief, stunned surprise and something else swimming in there. Their gazes held for moments as they watched the desire within each other’s pupils flare up and expand, pushing their irises outwards until there was just a small ring left.

He (She) had to have more, no, needed more.

They plunged headfirst, back in for more. This time, their parted lips fused seamlessly, both of them hungry for the sweetness they knew would be found within. Hesitantly still, yet fuelled by a newfound passion, their tongues met in a timid flick, kicking up a languid rhythm, relishing in the taste of the person in their arms. Their dance soon became frenzied and moans floated unbridled to the sky with each tilt of their heads. Without conscious thought, their hands began to wander, searching for an anchor at whatever they could reach. Jon’s fingers fisted at the silky locks that hung loose down Dany’s back while hers burrowed their way into the curls at the nape of his neck. Their daydreams and fantasies paled in comparison to how delicious reality was. Each slant of their mouths, each touch of their lips, stroke of their tongues brought about a hint of wine and an intoxicating flavour that was uniquely their own.

And as they broke apart, heads spinning and hearts reverberating like jackhammers within their chest cavities, Jon tipped his forehead to Dany’s. Letting out a quiet laugh under his breath, his mind fought to catch up with the rest of his body. “For a first kiss, that was...” “Fantastic? Brilliant? Magnificent?” Fingers flexing around the silky midnight curls still grasped in her hand, Dany laughed too. Her starving lungs just refused to hold air. 

Arms dropping to frame her waist, he tucked the woman he was head over heels, so very madly enamoured with securely to him. “Hands down, all of the above.” 

The night could not have been more perfect.

[johnboothus]

Next Round: The Owners of Ruffian and Kindred on Why Its Time to End Indoor Dining Now

Airing between regular episodes of the VinePair Podcast, “Next Round��� explores the ideas and innovations that are helping drinks businesses adapt in a time of unprecedented change. As the coronavirus crisis continues and new challenges arise, VP Pro is in your corner, supporting the drinks community for all the rounds to come. If you have a story or perspective to share, email us at podcast@vinepair.com.

In this episode of “Next Round,” VinePair CEO and founder Adam Teeter speaks with Patrick Cournot, Alexis Percival, and Moshe Schulman, owners of Ruffian and Kindred in the East Village, NYC. The team returns after first speaking with Teeter in April 2020 to discuss how they’ve managed after receiving PPP loans, shifted from offering provisions to full-service outdoor dining, and continued to reinvent their restaurants along the way.

Both Ruffian and Kindred have undergone major transformations, from moving wine lists online, to operating as shared coworking spaces during the day. Thanks to their motivated team, the restaurants have made it this far, but their owners are unsure of what the winter has in store for Kindred, Ruffian, and restaurants nationwide.

In this conversation, Cournot, Percival, and Schulman dive deep into what customers don’t see from the outside, and why restaurants need government officials to approve grants and aid now. While this team has done everything they can to constantly reimagine their restaurants, they anticipate new mandated restaurant closures as soon as next week. The restaurateurs emphasize that Americans must change their behavior and support politicians who deliver the hard truth.

Listen Online

Listen on Apple Podcasts

Listen on Spotify

Or check out the conversation here

Adam: From Brooklyn, New York, I’m Adam Teeter. And this is a VinePair Next Round conversation. We’re bringing you these conversations between our regular podcast episodes to give a clear picture of what’s happening to restaurants and bars during the Covid-19 crisis. Today, I’m again really lucky to be talking with Alexis, Patrick, and Moshe, the partners in the amazing wine bars and restaurants Ruffian and Kindred in New York City’s East Village.

For those of you that listened to the podcast earlier in March, they were some of the first people we talked to when all the crazy shit started to hit the fan. And again, we are really lucky to have you guys back to talk to us about what’s going on now. So Alexis, Patrick, Moshe thank you so much for joining me.

Alexis: Thanks, Adam.

Patrick: Thank you.

A: So do you guys want to just give us a quick update? The last time we spoke, you were just amazing in your transparency of what was happening with your businesses, your negotiations with your landlords. We were at a point at that time where outdoor dining wasn’t even a thing anyone was thinking about. You guys hadn’t started the Ruffian wine shop yet. We were just talking about “how are you adapting to being closed?” We talked about how you generously opened up your refrigerators and gave food to your employees, and everyone was just trying to get their bearings at that point, right? No one really knew what was happening. I think PPP was just beginning to be talked about. Obviously, a lot has changed since then. So I’d love it if you could update the listeners on what’s happened to your businesses since we last spoke and kind of bring me up to speed as to where we are today.

Moshe: How many years ago was that? A lot, a lot has happened. I was saying, just in a quick summary, I would say that both Ruffian and Kindred have continued. We’ve continued to adapt and invent as we’ve gone along, we’ve probably created three to five different iterations of “what a restaurant is” during this period. So we went from doing a wine shop at Ruffian and provisions at Kindred, to doing complete, full-service outdoor dining. And during that time, continuing to update and adapt as the new guidelines came out by the hour. So as Pat and Alexis said, yeah, it feels like years ago. But we’ve been able to survive by continuously adapting and hustling. And that’s where we are today. I know that was a quick summary, but Pat or Alexis might be able to jump in.

A: That was a pretty quick summary, Moshe. There’s a lot more that happened, but I understand it all feels like a blur. So Patrick, so what has happened at Ruffian?

P: I think we’re talking about April, May, that territory. And in or around April or May, we started to do literally one dish to go, just a khachapuri — a Georgian-style cheese boat. And at that moment, when we were just trying to figure out what any kind of sales would look like that weren’t strictly online, we wanted to pick a dish that we thought reflected us making something from scratch, and doing something that related to the Caucasus, where a lot of the wines that we championed come from and we wanted to get to do something new and we hadn’t done khachapuri yet. So yeah, we started with just that dish and for at least two weeks, I want to say we were just selling glasses. Like plastic cups of wine to go. Orange wine, $12 a glass or something to go with the khachapuri, and you could go eat in the park. We’re next to Tompkins Square. So it was really warm out back then, or I think that was even before the summer, really. And we moved into summer and we built a platform at first and we just had patio umbrellas out there. And on rainy days, it was just overwhelming. You couldn’t do anything, and over about a month, I think we went from just a patio, to building a tent structure above it and started to do almost proper service. And as soon as we felt like we could do something fairly proper, we kind of solidified our direction we were going with, which for Ruffin was we actually made ourselves vegetarian — a significant change for us. We were always a vegetable-championing restaurant, I guess. And we always tried to cook things that we thought were on the edge of what we were interested in trying to grow in a new direction. But that was a pretty big change, and enabled us to grow an audience that was very willing to try stuff at that time. It allowed us to reduce our price point. So what our customers saw by 20 percent, in a stretch where most restaurants actually were increasing prices. And this was at that weird moment where New York State or City allowed us to do that 10 percent tax, which was just a terrible idea and which we didn’t do. It doesn’t make any sense. Why would you be tricking your customers into paying more? Charge them what you want to charge them. So, we were actually not stretched trying to lower our prices, because we felt as customers of places like ourselves, that we had less money and we were very unclear about what was going on and having something just nice and just delicious, and an opportunity to go out was all we needed. So this enabled us to do that and we grew more ambitious, and pretty early on, decided to do a tasting menu. And with vegetarian food, we were able to do a tasting menu I think at first at $25, and now it’s at $30 per person, three courses, and it’s about to become a four-course meal. And it’s one of the few tasting menus that’s open right now in New York. And so that allowed us to start to dial in concept again and get back to the roots of what we do, which for us on the wine side, myself and Alexis are the wine people for us. And tasting a lot of wines was complicated. And so that was the next step. It was like, well, in an era of when you don’t get to taste wine, how do you taste wine? First to us, adapting our outdoor area to be able to set up the distributor that comes into taste-test at one table. Setting up a middle table where we would put our glassware. And then we would step back to a third table to taste. So essentially, we would never be even within six feet of our distributors, they could pour wine for us, then we would take the glass, drink, taste, spit, et cetera, put our glasses back, they would refill it. And that’s been a weird process. I bring this up when I’m supposed to talk about Ruffian, because that led to the idea for us of doing Kin Co, which Alexis and Moshe will get into later, which became the orange wine festival we did at Kindred.

A: I mean, I gotta get Alexis in here, too, because you both are famous for loving to work with thousands of different books. And I can’t imagine that that was easy now. And so the fact that you still kept doing it just blows me away. I know a lot of other places around the city that basically went to one or two reps. What was that like? I’m assuming that people who sell to you were very thankful that you were still willing to meet with them. I think you probably now have a really great look into that, too. What’s it been like for them? For reps who are selling wine right now? How have you noticed their worlds have changed and especially for the kinds of wines that some of them are selling? You guys buy the wines that are kind of harder to find, that are more on allocation. Does it seem like their lives have gotten harder, too, when you meet with them and they taste?

Al: Well, right in the beginning in April when we had a lot of inventory to sell, ‘cause we were sitting on a lot, especially at Ruffian, and we basically sold off the whole cellar. Wine reps would check in periodically, but a lot of our reps are friends, and they were incredibly sensitive to the fact and they didn’t want to add insult to injury by being like, “Hey, buy wine.” You know, the feedback I got from them early on was that they were selling because wine shops and liquor stores were doing great. But it was all things that would retail for between $10 and $15. So they were moving quantity, but they weren’t moving allocation wines, and they weren’t really moving things on a higher price point. So it definitely hurt them, particularly people who most of their accounts were restaurants. They really got slammed. I can’t speak for Patrick, but I mean, obviously we were very conservative when we started buying inventory again for both restaurants, but I was relying on my notes from the previous two months pre-Covid. So I would look back at my tasting notes from a month or two prior. So I felt pretty good, current, and confident in the things that I was buying. ‘Cause a lot of reps weren’t coming to the city and they weren’t sure how to conduct tastings or whether to use those little mini bottles or to drop off sample bottles. It was a little ambiguous at the beginning, and I guess we’ve just sort of slowly ramped it up. I’d say in the last maybe two months, we’ve been doing a lot more in-person. Usually now like three to four a week.

A: Wow. OK.

Al: And the other impact I would note would be in some ways, ‘cause you brought up the weird stuff, weird s*** that we carry. This has been a help because a lot of things that would be allocation weren’t really moving. And so things that would have flown out the door really quickly when we would inquire about them, would still be there. So that kind of helped, but for people bringing in or trying to get new containers in, there’s been a delay with some of that.

A: That’s crazy. And has the fact that you guys really have a clear thesis in terms of the wines that you pour been a benefit to both of the places over the last few months? In that, you know, I know that I can’t find really amazing Georgian wines, Greek wines, et cetera, at a lot of places besides Ruffian and Kindred, and you guys sort of do the work for me. Did you find that that was also true for the majority of your customers and has been what’s helped continue to make you a destination?

Al: Certainly for Ruffian Wine Shop. I mean, the initial feedback we got from people was not that they weren’t buying wine from a multitude of different restaurants and stores. It was that they knew that we carried stuff that they couldn’t get elsewhere.

A: Right. That makes a lot of sense. OK. So obviously, Patrick, I was just so excited about talking about the fact that you guys were tasting six feet apart and stuff that we got off track. But are you guys still open and operational?

M: Oh yeah, sorry, let me jump back in. We were probably talking around August, maybe into September at that point when Alexis and I were really just pulling from her previous notes, buying stuff from previous years. Which — at least let me just make one caveat since we’re talking probably to mostly professionals — I think what we noticed or what’s challenging is one, quality, even though we want to say in the wine world “X vineyard always makes great wine” or something like that. And I think that’s partly true, but we realize how much work and how much added value we put in by just tasting through many, many different skews and different producers and finding one that was just the right thing at the right time and fit in with everything else. And not being able to taste as often has forced us to rely on, I think a second best principle for finding deliciousness, which is that kind of backup, sommelier knowledge. Where the trust in our distributors instead of getting that penultimate moment where we literally taste it and we’re like, “Oh, that’s delicious. This tastes like …” and it might have nothing to do with the typical description of that region. So the most interesting things about Ruffian are often the wines that don’t fit nicely into their traditional descriptor, the Grüner Veltliner that doesn’t taste like you think it’s going to taste. So I found wine less exciting in that stretch in April, May, June. And I was also in a very depressed mood, which therapy has helped a lot. And also I was coming off of having Covid in January, February, and my palate was f*****, and I couldn’t taste a lot of things. I wasn’t getting a lot of enjoyment. So moving out of September into the last slightly fall months, I think we’ve gotten more into this rhythm and I think that we’ve been talking more about exciting flavors and how the flavor inspires the meal or something like that. And now, we’ll get into the things we moved into most recently. We’ve gotten back into a lot of the challenging projects that we used to do at Ruffian and Kindred, which require, like, if we know 15 or 20 wines on a specific menu. Let’s say on an orange wine menu, that meant that we probably tasted a hundred plus. So, it took several weeks of lead-up if we only tasted with four people every week, just to get that density of tasting in, and if we expect our customers are coming here saying, “Oh, Patrick and Alexis or Libby or Charlotte taste everything, and therefore it’s good,” then we better taste everything. So it’s been the last few months where I really felt like we got back into our old gig, and now I think as Moshe and Alexis are going to say all of a sudden, I think we started to feel like we were doing something new and different. Maybe even more exciting than what we were doing before. That the challenge has forced us to adapt in a way that all of a sudden we were more happy about. And I feel really proud about Ruffian’s changes.

Al: Yeah, Pat, I would also add along with the tasting menu for the food at Ruffian, it’s pretty incredible that there’s also a wine pairing option. And it’s really, really cool, and changing all the time. And one of the things that I was challenged with as we were opening back up, and I think you guys would agree was that, how do we provide hospitality behind a mask and six feet away? How do you care for people and make them feel taken care of and provide the dining out experience without endangering staff or endangering the customers? But not have them feel like you’re barking at them because you know, they can’t hear you. And one of those ways were those little details to bring the Ruffian, and then later the Kindred experience in an evolved way, I guess, in this weird new circumstance.

A: Did you guys start taking reservations at Ruffian? You hadn’t taken them before right?

P: Yeah, we did four-and-a-half years of no reservations at Ruffian, and we started doing reservations post-Covid. They have been really wonderful. I’m very surprised. I think that we all felt like reservations were a bad thing. Specifically in the Covid sense, since we don’t do indoor dining while we’re not required to take people’s numbers, the reservations actually do that for us. And so if someone were to get sick at a restaurant, we have a very good means of reaching out to everyone. So wow, never thought about reservations in that sense, but really, really helpful in terms of communication, so that that’s been helpful. And also I used to work as a maître d’, Alexis used to work as a maître d’, and I think maybe Moshe did as well. And one thing that I missed, for the last five years at Ruffian, and I really love now at both Kindred and Ruffian, is that if somebody comes to the restaurant and they make reservations, so they have their identity now in Resy, we can take down notes about your experience to enable us to do better, or bring in other ideas in a subsequent experience. And even though we know our customers well, and Alexis and I would always try to do this, if one of us weren’t here, for instance, how would another random bartender know? You know that on one night, we had one person X with us. So now they could see I’ve opened up the notes and read, this person loves X wine and we don’t have that wine anymore. And I immediately look at the reservation when I come in at 3 in the afternoon or 2 in the afternoon. And I’m like, “Oh cool. This person, I don’t know if I’ve ever met before.” But I already know I’m excited about them trying this, this, and this by the glass, or if they ask about it by the bottle, this, this, and this, it was like bringing back one of those fine dining elements that — I don’t love fine dining, but there’s so many wonderful things about it — and it allowed us to insert that in a casual experience and allow people to define their experience, or for us to define their experience better and more and more specifically.

A: That’s crazy. Yeah. And that makes a lot of sense.

M: Yeah. I will say just add to what Patrick said, I think we’ve always had this discussion as a group, you know, with Ruffian since it’s 20 seats, it’s tiny. And it was almost impossible to do it before, but then certainly the pandemic challenged us. How do we come back and have some hospitality, but also do it in a more efficient way? And I think the two answers, at least in the early parts, other than the wine shop, were the tasting menu and offering reservations. And like Patrick said, they’ve proven to both work incredibly well and they’re something we’ll continue to do.

A: Wow. So it sounds like now at this point, Patrick, Ruffian is still open. I don’t want to jump too far ahead, but I want to talk to you guys about the decisions you’re gonna make in the future at both, but so Moshe and Alexis, can you talk about Kindred? Because Kindred was always more of “the restaurant,” right? Whereas Ruffian was the wine bar that also served great food. So what happened at Kindred?

Al: Well, so Kindred had only been open for a few months and was still getting its feet under it in terms of its identity and coming out strong and getting kind of set in people’s minds. And then we had to close. So, I think when we were really reopening for business, we started with Ruffian and put our efforts there first to get it rolling ‘cause it was the known quantity, I guess. And then we moved on to what to do with Kindred. And when we very first reopened, we were looking at doing provisions, sort of CSA, grocery. Because at the time, things were still difficult to acquire in the city. It didn’t quite take off in the way that we thought. I think that maybe we joined it just a little late and a lot of people had left the neighborhood by that point.

A: Hmm. Interesting. OK.

Al: Luckily, it didn’t take very long for outdoor to get going, and we hopped right on that immediately. I think they announced it and that afternoon we started commandeering the space outside of the restaurant so that cars wouldn’t park there, to the chagrin of our neighbors, unfortunately, but outdoor has really been great. Our landlords worked with us well. We’ve been very fortunate at both restaurants to be able to take frontage on either side that is larger than our frontage footprint, like wider. And so I do know that there was a collective sigh of relief amongst us and the staff when we were open operationally as a restaurant again, because it was like, “Oh, we know how to do this. We know how to be restaurants.” You know, we don’t know very well how to do provisions on the fly, but we can definitely be a restaurant. That worked out really great. And then I guess the next iteration to help bolster sales, Moshe, would have been work from Kindred. Am I right? Or am I skipping something?

P: The virtual menu, which I think was Moshe’s idea, that that was really effective. I don’t know if you guys want to call in about that.

M: Sure, yeah, part of the evolution of outdoor dining — we went through so many different iterations of that as well, between how big the menu is, how small the menu is, changing overnight from provisions to full service. And then we decided to get rid of paper menus and go to digital for the Covid precautions and less contact, but it’s also more efficient. And it’s just more immediate. And that has proven to work out really well. We were able to customize what guests can see with what the items are. But more than that, the idea was, “how do we offer the same details for the same hospitality again, without having too much front-facing contact or getting too close to each other?” And with this digital menu system, you’re able to provide all the details that anyone would need to know. Allergies, or what grade is this wine? Where’s it come from? So that proved to be very useful and helped us continue to adapt in the new model.

A: So I have a question for you guys. Obviously this is a little off topic, but I’m curious to hear your take because there’s been these articles that are ridiculous, but you have certain people, like the The New Yorker published an article recently, like, I’m sick of digital menus, right? That digital menus make everyone get on their phones and we don’t talk to each other, whatever. And my reaction to this is it’s a f****** pandemic, guys. We’re really publishing articles that we don’t like phone menus? Maybe get over yourself. But I’m curious. Are you aware of those kinds of articles? Is it just because I’m a journalist in this space and I’m reading all of it? And if you are aware of those articles, is your reaction the same as mine? Which is, “this is ridiculous that anyone is even writing them and someone is publishing them.”

M: Kind of, yeah, I’m saying it’s interesting if people are complaining about being on their phones for a menu, they’re usually on their phones in general at the tables.

Al: Yeah, they’re usually on Tinder.

M: And I think for the most part, our guests actually have had great feedback overall at both Ruffian and Kindred, and I think we’ve done them in a creative way. We have the QR code on coasters at Kindred with our logo. So I think it is a little more inviting than just having printed paper, but I think it provides a lot of the info anybody would need from a server or a sommelier that they may not otherwise be able to get right now because of the restrictions of six feet and just general hygiene.

Al: I’m going to come in just on the opposite side of that in that I actually, I don’t love them. I think that handheld menus are a part of the dining experience and the overall aesthetic. But just because I don’t like something doesn’t mean that I shouldn’t change and adapt. There are pluses to the digital menu. Several of which we listed here, and it does look great. We’ve made it as close to our restaurants’ aesthetics as possible. And that’s just the way it is right now. You do the best with what the changing world is presenting you.

P: I brought it up because I wanted to say something else about Ruffian. During the pandemic, Alexis has predominantly run Kindred’s [wine] list. I predominantly run Ruffian’s list. Along with Ruffian I currently do it with the beverage director at Kindred. Alexis does cocktails with Charlotte, who’s our head bartender. So while we talk all the time, we’ve each kind of picked up different things about the digital menu that we like and focused on. And Alexis has used the digital menu, especially for the bottle list at Kindred, to be very easy to get through and pretty seamless. I think you can get through almost whatever it is, 50 bottles, very quickly scanning your eye around on a phone without flipping through a big book. When you’re doing that in a wine bar, you’re always knocking a glass over or something. So I found that experience at Kindred is really efficient and, since we have cocktails and other things, we really focused on streamlining it and making it easy for our guests to get in and out and get what they want. And also pictures, which, hey, you could never have that in a paper menu. And also at Ruffian, since the wines are always more unusual in that sense, we’re not trying to get the classics from Slovenia. We’re trying to get eccentric wines from around the world. If you come into Ruffian, we would have you taste something, and we would also give you fun descriptions about them or the menu was categories and fun categories. And that was a piece that had been taken from Ruffian by not having paper menus and not having the sit-down experience. So through the digital menu, we were able to bring that experience back. And as the staff over here, along with Alexis, we would come up with descriptions of the wines. And when you click on a wine you were looking through the menu, you see all the options by the glass, or by the bottle, you can click on it. Then you see a picture of the bottle. Then you see 50 words on what we think about the wine and stuff like that. And we could never have given you that consistent of an experience previously.

A: That’s awesome. And I agree with you. I think there are definitely things I miss about the paper menu, but there’s also things I like about these digital menus and I understand that it just is what it is.

P: You know, when we started with the digital menu, it wasn’t pretty, right? It was an ugly looking menu, but we started on early because we knew the reality of the situation, and instead of fighting against the reality we looked at it and said, what can we do to make it better? And Moshe, and then us as well, reached out to the owner of the company and actually asked them to work with us to help streamline it. To add pictures, to allow us to put our logo on the front page, and we invested in it over several months, and over several months, it got better. And if people continue to invest in it with their creativity and their passion, it would also continue to get better. So I don’t know the person who wrote this article, and I think that it’s detached from what our customers have told us who enjoy it, and we certainly don’t want to be unsafe, but also it’s just this attitude of like, during the Covid thing, during all the aspects that we’re going to discuss, embracing the real situation and at least trying to inhabit it with your love and care enables something that might not be your first choice to maybe all of a sudden be different or better or more helpful than you imagined it to be. And for people to sit on the sidelines and just be upset, they’ll still be upset at the same thing. And as we’re getting towards winter and people are upset about not being prepared for outdoor winter dining, this was something that we invested in over a lot of time. And continue to tinker and adapt over several months with our love and also, with money and with time. And so, I think to hear somebody say that I would want to say, I’m glad you’re not a restaurateur because you know, the restaurateurs need to be adopting because we don’t know what the next problem will be. And we don’t know that this is going to go away. So maybe we’re stuck with these online menus forever. Let’s make them better if we are.

A: So another question. I think it was in July — I can’t keep anything straight anymore — at some point, New York city allowed 25 percent indoor dining. Did you ever consider doing indoor dining, and are you doing indoor dining now?

M: Well, Adam, if you don’t mind, just before that, I just wanted to finish the Kindred evolution. So I would say, Kindred was kind of rolling along, doing full service outside dining only for a couple of months, and we were double the size in terms of labor. We were at least at that point, and it’s always been harder to control in terms of finances and cutting costs. And so we had a couple of really scary weeks, right after Labor Day where people just leave town, things start dropping off and we had to reinvent again. And then one of the ideas that one of our employees, Jake, had brought up early on, and then my wife kind of also mentioned again while we were away for the weekend was, why don’t people just work from Kindred during the day? And it’s something I’ve thought about as well for a while, because I’ve worked in WeWorks, we’ve all kind of done the coworking thing. And I was like, you know what? We’re at a scary spot. Let’s pull the trigger. Let’s make it happen. And I think within two days, we pulled together a “Work from Kindred,” service where we opened up our patio from 9:00 a.m. until 4:00 p.m. for people to come and have an outside coworking space, socially distanced, for $25 a day, free coffee. All the charging stations, everything could get in an office, but outside when the weather was still really nice. Our chef, Josh, put together three really delicious, but simple dishes for lunch. And people were able to get wine.

Al: Oh, look you mentioned Josh. I just wanted to say our chef partner, Josh, who’s not on this interview, has been absolutely killing it and has just been so adaptive to all the challenges that have come his way. So I just wanted to throw that in there.

M: Absolutely. Agreed. And I think that helps. Work from Kindred actually launched really well, because people needed something to eat, and it was delicious, and they came back for that and the Happy Hour specials. And so I would say it proved to be really successful, and it was another eye-opener for all of us where we threw another idea at the wall, put it together overnight, worked crazy hours, but understood there was a need for it. We had a hundred people who did the work from kindred over a six-to-eight-week period, multiple times. And that’s something that we can certainly do in the spring and we will do in a better fashion now that we understand how to run it. But that more importantly took us out of this financial hole for a minute where it allowed us to survive another week or two while we tinkered again with the concept. So after we did Work from Kindred, we again needed to continue having money coming in to survive as we all do. And that’s when Patrick came along with The Orange Wine Festival idea, and together, we ran with that to bring ticket sales in, which allowed us to continue operating in a healthy way. But we can talk about that a little more, but just to get to the end of Kindred’s evolution, during this phase of transitioning to the Orange Wine Festival and the Work From Kindred, we understood we were coming into colder months and we had to make a change. So unfortunately we did have to let go of some of our staff, and cut it down to a skeleton crew. And then we opened up a new pop-up called Après-Ski which we started Oct. 31. Much slimmer menu, much smaller staff, hot cocktails, different menu, complete different menu. And this has allowed us to, again, survive and embrace the cold in a creative and fun way. And people have responded really, really well. I’ll stop there and then we can jump back.

A: Yeah, so I am curious, thanks for bringing up to speed with both places. So in July I think — I could be wrong — at some point the city finally decided that it would allow indoor dining. A lot of that was coming from pressure, you heard about a lot of restaurants, especially in Queens, et cetera, that were on the border of towns where there was Long Island right across the border and three doors down, basically you heard restaurateurs trying to sue the city, saying they’re letting people inside their establishments and we’re still not doing it here. So there was definitely a push from certain places to make sure that that would happen and the city finally relented and allowed 25 percent indoor dining. Did you guys think about it and did you open indoor dining or not?

P: We think about everything. We thought about that long enough to literally think that it wasn’t even worth asking our staff. We went to our staff and essentially told them, this is what we’re thinking. We don’t think it’s safe. Do you feel differently? And I don’t think anyone said anything remotely different to that. And then we were like, OK, then let’s start talking about ways that we could do this safely.

Al: And in Ruffian you can’t. You have to squeeze by people in order to use the restroom. 25 percent of Ruffian is like, you’re still on top of each other.

M: Yeah. And I think, the bigger picture here, which we all talked about, is that obviously everyone’s struggling. People were trying to get back to work. Businesses are trying to stay open. And for the folks who don’t have any outside dining, I understand why they were pushing for 25 percent. However, in the big picture of what’s going on in the country right now, there’s no one who would agree and say 25 percent, No. 1, is sustainable. It might almost save your business. But also, No. 2, the writing was on the wall, even in the summer, from all the experts. Saying that November, October, November come the winter, this thing is coming back, and there’s no way anyone’s going to be able to survive indoor dining without having the cases increase. And that’s proven to be true. We’re in it right now, as we’re talking, where we’re at 2.6 percent in Manhattan, it’s a 19 percent increase in Newark. We have Chicago and San Francisco have shut indoor dining down and many other countries and other cities will follow here. And it was just, you know, from my perspective, and I think Alexis and Pat would agree. It was a little confusing to see other larger restaurateurs certainly in New York City jump on 25 percent just because they could, knowing the consequences. And we’re so close to a vaccine, the quickest a vaccine has ever been created, and why ruin it now? Why couldn’t we wait a little bit? Just keep doing outdoor dining, keep the cases low.

Al: People couldn’t wait because there’s been no help. And you’re speaking to two issues, Moshe, that just popped into my mind while you were speaking. Adam, you mentioned restaurateurs out on the fringes of the city, which have totally different challenges than what we have in Manhattan. And that speaks to the totally ham-fisted approach to all of these regulations that have just been like a hammer where a scalpel will do and just not looking at the individual needs and the individual situations of the different zip codes and how they operate. And certainly now this closing at 10:00 p.m. thing for outdoor, which is completely idiotic. It’s just been incredibly frustrating. I understand why, if you’re a restaurant with no frontage and 25 percent of your restaurant will actually bring in enough sales, I see that quandary and I understand why some people decided to do it for survival purposes. We have a different situation. We’re very fortunate to have more seating outside than we actually have inside. But that’s because people have been backed into a corner with absolutely no help. We have restaurant friends who didn’t want to open inside, but didn’t have a choice if they wanted to survive. There’s no help. There’s no help. And there’s no help coming anytime.

A: Yep. That’s completely true. And that’s a really, really good point.

M: Yeah. And what I would add to that is that, earlier in the pandemic, when we were all dealing with the same unknowns, a lot of the bigger voices in our industry were pushing for it. We got to get our insurance, we gotta get this relief. We’ve got to get that, but the moment 25 percent hit, they all kind of went quiet. And to me, that’s pretty troubling because now we’re in a situation where they’re going to shut down all indoor, probably by Monday, if I were to guess by next week, as the cases continue to go up.

A: Right, and we’re talking Friday the 13th, if people are listening to this one, it will run next week.

M: Yeah. And I think by the time people listen to this, Cuomo and de Blasio will probably shut all indoor dining down. And then where does that leave everyone? We’re back to square one, but with even more cases. The folks who weren’t able to survive without 25 percent will still be in the same situation. So Alexis is right, and I agree. It comes down to focusing on what really will help, which is The Restaurants Act being passed and getting more PPP and the PUA getting restored to give everyone a lifeline to get through the winter and get through outdoor dining without having cases go up. And stop relying on scarier situations of having people indoors. And the science is clear, it’s indoor dining and gyms.

A: Well, I think that’s interesting that you bring that up, Moshe, because I think Alexis, what you said is really true that people have been backed into a corner.

And some of the restaurateurs I’ve talked to have said, it’s actually not fair to pin it on them. Like if you look at the article that came out this morning in The Washington Post, what they’ve basically proven is actually this new spike is actually to be blamed on basically people around the country who’ve said, f*** it. And made their pods bigger. And have had people inside their homes and there were a lot of people who have had people over to watch football because we’ve decided that the NFL and college football should still happen this fall. And so people had viewing parties and it’s spreading just as much there as in the restaurants, but the easiest thing to blame is the restaurants. Right? And it’s not fair to just blame them and penalize them, especially when there’s no relief. So you’re going to have people who keep pushing back and saying, no, like, please let us stay open at 25 percent, or are they going to try to break the rules, because they need to survive. And so I think that it’s so much more nuanced.

P: Yeah. I agree with you on some levels, but I think what we have been discussing over the last few weeks, and I say over the last two or three weeks. Four weeks ago, I would be saying the same thing as you. We’re like well, New York isn’t “the place.” It’s not the epicenter of this anymore. we don’t know enough about these facts. It seems like a very poor decision to have indoor dining to us. But cases are low, and no one’s proving that they’re encouraged statistically. And then over each week, more and more statistics have come out to the point that this morning, when we were just trying to talk normally, and have normal morning meeting stuff like, the numbers that we’re dealing with now, are so jarringly overwhelming. The city and state had said they would close indoor dining, if it was at 2 percent or would reevaluate. We are so far past that point that we are now talking about possibly closing public schools before closing indoor dining. And from what we’ve heard at least in San Francisco, but we’ve heard this also way months ago in Canada, they were saying that they can prove quite clearly, or they see statistical trends that show that indoor dining dramatically affects this. And we started indoor dining and now they keep saying, it’s always about a month after when you do something. Right? So here we are, we’re in a f****** disaster. A month ago, our people would have been more understanding, but for the major players in the industry that have connections to scientists, to good lawyers, to consultants, to politicians, and are smart and thoughtful and should be doing this stuff. They have been surprisingly silent as New York went from 2 percent to 2.2, 2.4, 2.5, 2.6. And now are we literally going to wait until Monday? On Monday, we’re going to be at 3 percent, right? So I think that the goals have changed, or the goalposts have been moved. And unfortunately pressure from a lot of these restaurateurs has caused those goal goalposts to move.

I do think the government, especially the federal government is to blame for their inaction and just overwhelming stupidity. But the city and state government had rules and didn’t follow them. And restaurateurs that knew better seemed to lean in and try to force them, and are still forcing them, to act in a way that’s dangerous to the other civilians and the livelihoods of other New Yorkers.

A: Oh, yeah. I mean, I completely agree with you that I think it still spreads inside.

P: I hope that tomorrow when this comes out this applies more pressure, not only on politicians and I hope everyone is doing this, but also other restaurateurs, to say this is crazy. And if it comes to things like outdoor dining that affect us more, obviously we’re understanding, too. We think that the government needs to act very aggressively. You know, it should be smart. As Alexis said, acting aggressively can be using the scalpel, not the hammer, but we think they should be acting aggressively from a more thoughtful perspective. And if we had already agreed on that 2 percent threshold, what are we doing?

A: So why do you think that so many of these restaurateurs are not? Is it a money grab? Is it they don’t think that their customers will eat on the sidewalk? Because they have gone silent, but I mean, you’re closer even to a lot of the people in the restaurant business than I am in covering it. Do you have an idea of why this could be?

P: The smart restaurateurs that we know that work at their own restaurants are not doing indoor dining and the few that are, are doing it very cautiously and are doing way more precautions than what are being required of them. So we’re not connected to the larger restaurant groups and we try to gauge from them stuff, but the largest restaurateur in our neighborhood, Ravi DeRossi, we’ve spoken to him and I don’t think his places are focusing on indoor dining. And I don’t know if they’re doing much of any, if any at all. So it seems like big restaurateurs like him are quite clear about the science and everything else about this. And we would all love to sit more people indoors and make more money. Moshe also, he’s talked a lot about Kindred, and all these changes. But one thing he didn’t say was, post-PPP loan, Kindred has simply lost money every week. We’re not trying to figure out how to make money. We’re just trying to figure out how to pay our landlords and employees and vendors as much as we can and continue to pay as much tax to the government as we can. That’s all we’re doing. We’re not making money. We’re literally losing money every week. 25 percent more sales or something won’t ever add up to 25 percent because no one wants to eat indoors. It’s stupid.

M: Yeah. I don’t have a good answer for you, Adam, about why they are doing it. I don’t think there is a good answer, and I don’t know. It’s just been disappointing, honestly.

Al: I personally think some of them can diversify. I think some of them probably have enough investorship to sit tight and then relaunch, and I think some of them have large and diverse companies that can focus on other revenue streams besides sit-down dining.

M: But I think, also just in terms of outdoor dining, obviously that’s safer but I will say just as a general note, in terms of the cases rising, it’s also been concerning how the general public, I think, has kind of taken a little bit of a back step, just based on the inquiries that I get at Kindred in terms of large parties. Now while we’re legally allowed to have a 10-person group at a table, but I’m getting inquiries for 15, 20, 25. And I’ve gotten, I would say, 30 to 40 in the last two weeks. And at the same time, I’ve also gotten probably 10 cancellations due to Covid or exposure to Covid in the last five days. And so there’s something going on where, obviously the information is out there, but for some reason it’s digesting in some people and others, maybe not. So that’s also been interesting to see.

Al: Well, yeah. And Moshe, don’t you think that’s also turning a blind eye themselves personally, not realizing that’s a risk to take, to have a large group of 15 people, but that’s also putting restaurants in a really awkward situation. We legally cannot accommodate you. And that’s added duress to restaurants to have to say no, and our job is to make people happy and say yes to most things. And we can’t. We can’t.

A: Well, yeah, that’s sort of what I’m curious about. And this seems like where our conversation is evolving is, me bringing up the indoor people, it seems like at the same time that restaurateurs like you, responsible ones, are realizing it’s a problem. And shouting, we should shut this down again, et cetera. You have this population in the country that is just kind of over it. And so they’re being looser and they’re saying, OK, fine. Like I’ll get together inside with my 10 friends. Or, I mean, it’s shocking to me that you’re having those calls, but I’m not surprised that people are looking and saying, “hey, can we have 15- or 20-person gatherings?” I look out in the park in Brooklyn and I see 30 people sitting together and I’m like, these people are not all in the same pod. Like, there’s just no way, you know? And so, all of that then is affecting the restaurant industry because the larger this spreads, the more restrictions that happen and then restaurants can’t reopen and people are out of work and the government’s providing no support. So what have you thought about as this is clearly probably going to get worse, right? We’re talking two weeks before Thanksgiving. If you read the data, the government, all the top scientists are predicting we’re gonna have a massive super-spreader event because people aren’t gonna listen and they’re going to go home. Just do a quick search on Kayak and every single rental car in the city is out around those dates. Right? So people have clearly planned that they’re leaving and they’re going to either go home and get Covid and bring it back to the city, or they’re going to take Covid to wherever they’re going. So we’re going to see a huge, super-spreader event in the next probably two weeks. Have you guys thought about closing? Is that something that you want to do? Or that you feel like you’ll be forced to do it? Like what is going through your minds as we’re getting into a time in the year where we think Covid is going to spread pretty dramatically, and it’s also going to get super cold?

P: Adam, you asked before whether we thought about doing indoor dining. And in all reality, we didn’t really think about doing it, we just brought up the idea ’cause we bring up ideas and we try to talk about everything. Whereas closing, we had already made an agreement, loose terms that we would close. We were saying probably right before Christmas and close for a couple of weeks. Just planning it out, more than a couple months in advance, just because our staff would need to know. We’re trying to figure out how there is gonna be government aid, So we’ve been thinking about that, and I have a 5-year-old, so I’ve already been thinking about the high possibility that like right after Thanksgiving, there might be no more public school or something like that. So I think that those things have been percolating around. The last three weeks have been like there’s a stop sign. The light has already turned red, and a car is speeding towards that stop sign. And as an onlooker, seeing a kid walking on the street, you’re like, Oh, he’s got to stop. Oh, they’ve got to stop. Oh, they’ve got to stop. And they keep going as fast as they’re going. That’s what we’re watching right now. In our plans for, “oh, of course, we’ll be able to make it till January to December and then close” are being scuttled by the insanity that’s going on right now. I think we’re jumping almost like 200 percent in one month in the country. The current situation, I think we’re now having to reevaluate things almost daily. And we never planned to be reevaluating a decision that’s only three weeks away, three weeks away. But we’re being forced to do that because people are being irresponsible. Whereas before we were being forced to do that, well we still are, because the government is giving poor indication of what’s going on. So yeah, if you’re asking I’m sure this is a broader conversation we’ll talk about, but yes, we are planning about this, and this is something that we’ve barely even gotten to have a meeting about because things have gotten so bad in one week.

A: Right? It’s crazy.

M: Yeah. We had, you know, we had multiple meetings about like Pat said, what happens, come the break. In December a planned break. And then, you know, whether there’s PPP again or not, then we would make a decision of what kind of service we would offer or do we take a pause while there is government relief, but as Pat is saying, this thing is happening now in real time, where by next week we might be forced, who knows what the city is going to do? And so we haven’t even had a chance to have a full meeting about it, but we’ll be dealing with it in real time as the things change by the hour. And hopefully we can make it until our planned break if it’s safe. If not, we’ll have to adapt and navigate the other course.

Al: Yeah. I think our initial plan, which as Pat was saying, is getting kind of scuttled, was surely there will be relief by then and we can hibernate mindfully and thoughtfully, unlike in the summer where it was sort of like forced upon us. And we’ll plan it out, and we’ll be able to pay people, and everyone would get a break because as we’ve mentioned several times, we’ve reinvented ourselves at two restaurants over and over and over again and continue to do so. Everyone is kind of exhausted and needs a reset. And now, reports are saying there won’t be any relief until at least the Administration changes. And that’s after our planned break was supposed to happen. So, Ruffian’s holding steady. Kindred is struggling week to week. And then are we going to hibernate, or what? You know, we’ve tried. We’ve tried to be like the ants, but we’re going to end up being forced to be like the grasshopper.

A: Right. Yeah. It is. It’s just really insane. And yeah, I think that the biggest moral of the story is back to what we talked about the last time we spoke, which is that the government needs to provide relief and there needs to be more pressure put on the government to do so.

P: For sure. Interesting, as we’re talking, I just got an email from the Department of Transportation about new guidelines for roadway barriers, as we’re getting into the winter and enclosures and snow. But you know, again they’ve been consistently two months behind everything in terms of guidelines, but this is not the most important thing right now. Why are they sending this out when we need to focus on what we are doing with indoor dining? Well, we have to shut the whole city down or the country down for another two weeks to kind of quell this new surge. So we’re going to have to redo our barriers again, guys.

A: Yeah, well I think all of this just shows, of all the conversations that I’ve been lucky to have with people like yourself who’ve been gracious with your time to talk with me, just all the red tape is insane. And all the changing regulations, things that I think the normal consumer doesn’t realize. I did an interview yesterday with James the owner of Popina, and I don’t think consumers realize that even to have heaters in his backyard, he has to bring the Fire Department in to approve everything. Right? Like he can’t just order them and set them up. So he’s had them for two weeks and hasn’t been able to turn them on, so that’s insane.

Al: People aren’t thinking of things like electricity. This is old New York. Most restaurants in the city don’t have enough power. Most of them don’t have enough power to power the equipment they do have. Nevermind adding 1,200-, 1,500-watt heaters outside. Multiples. We had to have the electrician in. And sometimes we don’t know if we’re throwing good money after bad, because it’s all a gamble and we’re like, maybe this will pay off, but maybe it won’t at a time when we don’t have extra money to throw around. And it’s really scary. You know, every time we pull the trigger on a decision, like to upgrade our enclosure, to add decoration, to put in more lighting or get the electrician. Every time we make one of those decisions, it’s like, man, I hope that pays out.

A: Yeah. I completely agree with you. And I think, hopefully we’re helping, but sort of to take this a little bit full-circle back to the phone menu idea. It’s like, I feel like consumers need to be much more aware of all the restaurants are going through. So when you show up, you should feel lucky that you’re able to eat outside and have an experience at all, right? This expectation that maybe there’s heaters that keep you warm enough, or that the decor looks nice enough, is all kind of ridiculous. Everyone’s just trying to do what they need to do.

M: Yeah. Even if the restaurant has heaters, please dress appropriately for the weather, you know, it’s not the beach. And, you know, I think to your point, Adam, as restaurateurs, I think we would put that olive branch out to customers and say, just be mindful of how long you’re sitting and are you canceling or no-showing? Please let us know with as much time in advance, I had to send out a text to all of the reservations tonight. We’ll be enforcing our cancellation policy, ‘cause we had probably 60 no-shows or canceled heads — 20 reservations equals 60 people — over the last couple of weekends. For whatever reason, some of them are Covid-related. Some are not. Some people just forget, and they don’t show up. And we’re working on such thin margins that if I don’t have that table available, and a no-show or cancel just an hour or two hours before, that’s a hundred dollars or $200. But every bit of money is important right now.

A: So, I mean, I guess to wrap all this up, ’cause we’ve talked for a good amount of time now, what do you guys think consumers could be doing to help support you more? And what can we do obviously with the elected officials, and what do you want them to hear from you right now that they should be doing in order to support you more?

M: Well, I would say to our guests and any guests who want to enjoy, come to Ruffian and Kindred, and we’re so grateful that people continue to book a table at either spot and some do both in one night. And we hope that people continue to do that. And then we have our wine shop at Ruffian that people have been ordering from. I think staying consistent with that. And our loyal customers are great. And we welcome that. We’re doing so many interesting and fun things at both spots. At Ruffian, we have our regular service menu. We’re doing everything but the bird for Thanksgiving that you can pre-order and get delivered or pick up. It’s a delicious menu, but except the bird. It’s vegetarian and vegan. And we’re about to go into a new pop-up at Ruffian that I’ll let Pat talk about. And at Kindred, we’re doing this Après-Ski pop-up where you can enjoy hot cocktails and some delicious food, Alpine-themed. So I would say just continue to dine with us, and keep those guidelines in mind and how much we have to put in to offer a service and an experience. And on the politician side, I think the challenge is they’re constantly two months behind and I wish they would get on the ground a little bit more and talk to small businesses to understand what we need, and what are we anticipating? And certainly on the federal level, we need the Restaurants Act to pass. We need more grants, and certainly the PPP would go a long way. And they need to restore the PUA to give unemployed people a lifeline as well.

A: Pat, do you want to add anything? Or Alexis?

P: Moshe mentioned our last place Ruffian, we’re now switching into what we were expecting for winter. We’ve been expecting winter. Well, for the Department of Transportation and for our mayor and for the city and state officials, obviously winter is coming, but winter was on the calendar from the beginning of the year, right? For next year, also. So we’ve been expecting winter for a long time. So, I work in the industry in a way my wife doesn’t, she loosely participates in our restaurant, but also is a partner and thinks about it. But I mean, she doesn’t spend her day-to-day on this and instead would say, you know, I don’t want to worry about stuff all day long. I’ve got to worry about my business and other businesses, you know? And so for a lot of people, I think the “staying up to the minute with what’s going on with Covid” and everything else is probably not what we all need. We need relaxation in our lives. We need less worries. But that doesn’t mean that the truth goes out the window.

And so I think for the two of us, we try to think, we try to protect ourselves from all the scary thoughts at times, but at least have a plan that’s realistic. And based on what’s going on out there. So Kindred is converting into an Après-Ski because obviously it was going to be cold and for multiple months we’ve been preparing for how we enjoy outdoors in the cold. At Ruffian we will now convert ourselves into what we’re calling “Base Camp,” which is supposed to give people a fun experience of what it feels like to be at, maybe almost a base camp at Kilimanjaro or any of the big guys in Europe. So like an opportunity to have fun outdoors in the cold and make it an exciting experience. We’re all clear that we’re out there because of Covid and because we’re not denying the truth, but at least in that opportunity, you get to go have an exciting time in one of the safer ways that one can enjoy themselves right now, and build some story and narrative around it. But, as far as people in general, especially when it comes to our relationship to our politics and to our government officials and what we can say and what we can do, obviously support us as long as it’s safe. We don’t want to be outside causing New York a problem if it’s no longer safe. So we understand that, but I think what we would hope for people is some of these things and especially nationally in Covid, but also locally in New York were inevitable. Inevitable. No scientists that we know of were saying anything other than this for this winter, right? Everyone has said the same thing for half a year straight. So I don’t understand at what point New York City and New York State’s government — well, obviously the national government is a f****** s*** show. We haven’t talked about them and we don’t need to. I feel bad for our city and state that they need to pick up the pieces that the worst president ever has left, but the reality for them is this. And I think that they need to stop moving goalposts and doing stupid things. They need to know the truth and we as a public need to be supportive of that truth. And if that means closing restaurants down now to protect public schools if we can, we should do that. And if that means closing even outdoor dining down, if that’s what has to happen, I think as a public, we should be supportive of it. But at least expect people to have a plan, especially a plan around the poorest people and the people that are most in need right now. And in terms of normal employees and insurance, can we seriously as a nation get some kind of plan around PUA and what insurance looks like when everyone gets let go in a couple of days, right? That stuff is imminent. In a couple of weeks, people will lose their jobs. They will lose insurance. We had this plan in place over summer. We made this plan again. I think the pressure needs to build up on this horrific president and this horrific Congress, that is we cannot wait until January for this stuff. Maybe for other stuff, maybe for PPP loans, but we cannot wait until January for unemployment benefits and for security for employees and low-wage employees. It’s everything. But I also hope people support the truth. And once again, this truth was inevitable. We all knew. We just tricked ourselves into thinking otherwise. Support the truth and support politicians when they’re delivering us hard truth.

A: Well guys, I really want to thank you again for taking the time to talk to me about both what’s happening with your business, but also just giving really great insight that we all should really pay attention to. It’s always great to talk to the three of you. And I know it’s not going to be an easy few months, but I appreciate that you’re always willing to make the right decisions, and really think about what’s happening as a whole. And I think you’re really great examples for a lot of other people in the business. So I just appreciate you a lot and thanks again for joining me on the podcast.

Al: Aw, thanks, Adam.

P: Thanks, Adam.

Thanks so much for listening to the VinePair Podcast. If you enjoy listening to us every week, please leave us a review or rating on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, or wherever it is that you get your podcasts. It really helps everyone else discover the show. Now, for the credits. VinePair is produced and hosted by Zach Geballe and me: Adam Teeter. Our engineer is Nick Patri and Keith Beavers. I’d also like to give a special shout-out to my VinePair co-founder Josh Malin and the rest of the VinePair team for their support. Thanks so much for listening and we’ll see you again right here next week.

Ed. note: This episode has been edited for length and clarity

The article Next Round: The Owners of Ruffian and Kindred on Why It’s Time to End Indoor Dining Now appeared first on VinePair.

Via https://vinepair.com/articles/next-round-ruffian-and-kindred/

source https://vinology1.weebly.com/blog/next-round-the-owners-of-ruffian-and-kindred-on-why-its-time-to-end-indoor-dining-now

[evans-heaven]

Solo Antics~s.m.

(short and unedited oops)

We had been serious for five months exactly.

The moment I knew was when he was headed off to New York for a few days to promote his new single. He gave me a key to check up on his condo while he was gone, and never asked for it back.

I should have known it was mine to keep, though. It was on a white cold chain that he placed around my neck before we said our goodbyes at the airport. He took my face in his hands, kissed me throughly, and said, “Take care of yourself, and my condo,” he smirked and let me go, headed to the gate where his team stood, waiting to board the flight.

I couldn’t blame myself for being oblivious. Shawn knew I was a total trainwreck when it came to remembering where things were. I thought he put the key on a chain in case I put it down somewhere and forgot where. That had happened far too many times. My phone, the charm bracelet he bought me, every pair of shoes I’ve ever owned…the list was neverending.

I walked down the hall to the door of his condo. It had become a ritual of ours to dinner at each other’s places- whether one of us would cook or order takout. It was his turn, and I had told him I would get off of work early (perks of being a writer, I could finish my articles and edit where ever I pleased) so I would to head straight to his condo so we could cook dinner together.

I knew he probably had no intention of making anything, because Shawn was certainly not an iron chef. But since I knew my way around the kitchen, we were definitely making our own creation tonight. And maybe dessert in the bedroom.

I took the key from around my neck and unlocked the white door, turning the handle and entering the condo. It was slightly messy, but that was no surprise. Shawn always said he didn’t have time to clean up in the morning as he was always so rushed to get to the studio.

I rolled my eyes and giggled, riding myself of my coat. “Shawn?” I called, realizing that he didn’t appear at the sound of the door.

I furrowed my brow and walked along the expanse of the living room, waiting for a response. While doing so, I spotted his breakfast dishes on the vintage coffee table situated in front of the white L-shaped couch. I shook my head and smiled, walking towards the table to clear the dishes- two bowls, fruit and most likely cereal, and a coffee mug that still has some dregs in it, probably stone cold. I picked them up and headed to the kitchen and dumped them in the sink, getting ready to wash them when I caught sight of the post-it stuck to the faucet.

I plucked it from its position and read it out loud. “Dear Y/N, running late at the studio, so I’ll be late for dinner. I went to the grocery this morning so you can start cooking without me. I’ll be back around 6:00. Love, Shawn,”

I pouted deeply. Cooking was literally no fun without him. Who would I smear spaghetti sauce on? Who would blow flour in my hair as we made crepes for dessert? In the few times we made actual dessert, of course.

I blushed at the thought. No part of me felt like baking tonight, though. I fanned myself with the tiny slip of paper, sighing, suddenly hot and bothered, thinking of all the things we had done in this kitchen, in his bedroom, even in his bathroom.

Feeling my thoughts drift, I realized we had never done it in the living room. Probably because of the gigantic floor to ceiling window behind the couch. Yeah, that was never going to happen.

I balled up the note and threw it in the trashcan next to the island. I rolled up my sweater’s soft sleeves and turned the faucet on, making to wash the dishes, but my hands stopped as I was about to grab the cereal bowl. I smirked.

“Hm,” I hummed deviously, turning the water off, swiveling away from the sink, and folding my arms as my smirk deepened.

Shawn wouldn’t be home for another- I checked my watch- two hours. Slowly, I walked out of the kitchen and down the hall that led to his bedroom.

“Two hours, eh?” I mumbled as I opened his door, welcomed by his unmade bed, crumpled up towel on the floor, pyjamas thrown over his loveseat that was opposite his bed. My eyes drifted to the closet. “Alone in this huge condo, with nothing to do,” I said to myself, walking towards the two large white doors that led to his clothes.

You could clean.

Oh, please.

I ran straight for his closet, tearing the doors opening and shuffeling through his clothes that were neatly secured on hangers. Thee assortment of gray, black, with he occasional splash of red or blue. T-Shirts, dress shirts and sweaters all passed through my fingers.

My v neck sweater, skinny jeans and pumps were clinging to my skin and getting extremely unbearable, seen as how I had to walk up and down the office, then to his building. Unable to take it anymore, I pealed the items off my body, only in my underwear. I tossed them into the hamper and rummaged through the clothes again for something to wear. Shawn’s clothes were so comfortable. Whenever I snuggled up to him on his couch or his bed,  always felt like I was wearing what ever he wore- the fabric of his clothing was that transferable. Imagine what it would be like to actually wear it?

Eventually, I decided on a crip white shirt- the one that accompanied the suit he wore to the Grammys earlier that year. I practically owned it- I ripped it off him after the ceremony and had to sew the buttons back on myself. It was mine. I picked out a pair of his black Nike socks as well from the drawer below the rack of shirts, and slipped them on my feet.

I threw the shirt over my body and buttoned it up from the bottom, stopping halfway. My lace undergarments peaked through the fabric as I walked out of his closet, closing the doors behind me.

As I exited his bedroom, I suddenly felt ambitious. From where I stood, I could see the living room. And suddenly, it was like The Nanny all over again as I slid across the waxed floors, screaming boisterously, Shawn’s socks aiding in the movement perfectly. I stopped right in front of his couch, spreading my arms out for balance, and just stood there, admiring what was outside that huge window. He had the perfect panoramic view of the toronto skyline, the CN tower standing out above all of them. I always thought of his first tattoo- now joined by many others- whenever I saw this sight. I smiled softly and plopped down face first on his couch, reaching for the remote. I aimed it at the TV and pressed the button, but that wasn’t what I turned on.

Noise suddenly blasted from his stereo system- the sound of ‘Shape Of You’ blaring loudly from the speakers that hung next the TV. I popped up from the couch and threw my hands in the air, the remote flying from my grasp. I began to dance around the condo, my hips swaying to the beat of this song that would never get old.

I found myself inventing new dance moves (or at least I thought I was) while I moved around the expanse of Shawn’s living space. I had a carefree smile on my face as I waved my hands around and occasionaly belted out lyrics. My tiny, cramped apartment would never allow any sort of outrageous movement like this, which is why I took advantage of the time I had to myself here.

I was shocked at the way I was acting, to be honest. I had never been this outgoing before. Granted I was alone and the only person I had to entertain was myself.

“GIRL YOU KNOW I WANT YOUR LOVE!” I shrieked as I bent down by the waist and popped back up, my hair flying around my face and tumbling over my shoulders as I continued to girate and sway to the music.

I danced for the duration of the song until it stopped. I panted heavily and walked back over to the couch, sitting on the edge of it. I piled my hair into a messy bun on top of my head as I got up again to get a drink of water, pausing the music player before another song could start.

Holding my glass in my hand as I tumbled it around, hearing the ice clink against it, I walked down the same hallway that led to his bedroom, venturing further down. It was almost like I had never been there before, the way the things I had seen many times prior surprised my all over again- such as the guitar shaped bookshelf and the replica of the Backstreet Boys’ star from the Hollywood Walk of Fame.

I came to his music room, where his guitars, keyboard and drumset lay. My fingers ran along the instruments aimlessly as I recalled all the occasions on which I had heard him play them. Every concert I had ever been to, he had shredded on these guitars like his life depended on it. And like he told me, it did. I smiled as I thought about how happy he was when he was on stage. And I couldn’t blame him. The guitar had the power to make you feel invincible.

Suddenly, I got a thought.

“I am on a roll today!” I exclaimed, gently picking his bass up. I searched around for his mini amp, and found it next to his desk. I grabbed it and ran back outside to the living room.

This shouldn’t have been too hard. Shawn had taught me how to play his bass before. It was basically the same thing- only I was doing it on my own.

Placing the strap across my body, I plugged it into the amp and gave it a hard strum, the sound echoing throughout the condo. I gasped and drew my hands away from it, eyes wide.

“Okay, I don’t remember you being that loud,” I said nervously, wondering how many people heard that. “Let’s try this again,” I muttered. Placing my fingers accordingly on the strings, playincg notes softly. I only strumed the ones I remembered from the song Shawn taught me, and it was obvious. The entire thing was detatched and awkward. Still, I was proud of myself. I was atrocious at anything artistic or musically talented. This was the best I could do on my own.

Eventually, I stopped whatever the hell I thought I was doing and just gave another powerful strum, racing my fingers across all the strings at once.

I would have done it again, but the door swung open and in walked Shawn, lips set in a straight line. He folded his arms at me, cocking  brow.

I giggled nervously, my heart rate speeding up. “Um…..hey babe! You’re back early!” I exclaimed, setting the bass down quickly and walking over to him, taking his stiff hands in mine and pecking his lips. “How was the studio?” I asked. I felt like I child who had been caught with her hand in the cookie jar. My face contorted awkwardly as I tried to lighten the mood.

“Good. I got a lot done. And uh, clearly you did too,” he said, his face no longer blunt, as a grin spread over his face.

I breathed out and smiled. That look he gave meant he wasn’t actually mad. “Yeah, I did,” I laughed, brushing my hair out of my face, his hand coming up to help me as he kissed me gently on the forehead.

“At least you didn’t burn the place down,” he chuckled.

“Don’t mistake me for you, Mendes,” I scolded jokingly, poking him in his bicep as he wrapped his arms around my tightly, one hand running across the small of my back while the other gripped my bum.

“How funny. I decide to come home from the studio early because I felt bad for leaving you alone to cook. Speaking of which, did you even start? Or were you too busy attempting to shred on my bass?” he asked, cocking a brow at me once again.

I blushed guiltily, then scoffed. “For your information I’m way better at that than you’ll ever be,” I teased as we swayed back and forth.

He only laughed and shook his head, pressing his lips to my head again, not saying anything.

For a while we just stood there, staring out the large window wordlessly. A few minutes later, when I was practically in a trance from Shawn’s hold, he spoke up and brought me back to the world.

“Y/N, baby, why are you wearing my shirt?” he asked, not looking at me, keeping his nose buried in my hair.

“My clothes were getting uncomfortable,” I said simply. No need to sugarcoat it.

“Mmm…acceptable excuse,” he said.

“This shirt’s comfy. Even though you have a terrible sense of dress,” I joked, laughing into his chest.

He snorted. “Oh, you know you love me,” he bragged, pulling back from our embrace to look me in the eye.

I smiled and placed my hands on his chest, smiling up at him. “Of course I do,” I muttered, leaving wet, mess kisses on his neck, causing a groan to escape the back of his throat.

“How about you show me how much you love me,” he didn’t ask, it was more of a demand.

I complied, grabbing his shirt and pushing him forcefully onto the couch. Once he laid flat, I climbed onto of him and pressed my lips to his, running my fingers through his hair, until they settled at his nape. My knees settled on either side of him as our kiss intensified.

I broke it, just for a second, and whispered, “Gladly,”

Hope you enjoyed  😘

[egle0702]

[TRANS] GRAZIA Korea September ’17 JJ Project Interview

Congratulations. “Verse 2” placed 1st on the Hanteo Weekly Chart. JB: To be honest, we really paid attention to the smallest details because it was our first activities as a unit in 5 years. Rather than the visible result, I’m glad to hear many people give such comments like “It touches my heart,” or “The lyrics are good.”

You participated in writing lyrics and music for all the tracks on this album. JB: At first, rather than biting off more than we could chew, we just wanted to work hard on it. But eventually, when we began working on it, we became more ambitious about actually making a good album. So we took greater care of everything in the second half of the making process. Jinyoung: A lot of fans are waiting for a new GOT7 release, and if you suddenly release a unit album with weird songs on top of that, you would feel sorry for it. Since we’re doing this as GOT7’s representatives, we tried our best to make an album one wouldn’t be embarrassed of, so that we wouldn’t bring trouble to others. We haven’t participated in writing a title song before, but this time we wanted to show that we are the “guys who can tell our own stories,” so we ended up participating in the creative process.

We met Mark last month, and he strongly recommended JJ Project songs. JB: Mark is now JJ Project’s promotion king (laughs).

When I listened to your album, I got the feeling you have matured. There must have been a lot of changes over the last 5 years? JB: I think that I definitely learned to accept reality positively. If I used to be stubborn about my own truth in the past, I guess you could say that now I’m more inclined to go for a compromise?

You have grown up. JB: I realized that what I think isn’t the only right answer. Jinyoung: Compared to what I was 5 years ago, I think I became quieter. Back then I used to talk a lot, but lately I feel that there’s really no need to talk that much.

Is there a reason that made you think that way? Jinyoung: I learned that “Silence is Gold” through various happenings. Also, different from JB hyung, I learned to have my own opinion. Before, I used to embrace opinions of others thinking I was an amateur, but now I have learned the necessity of revealing my own ideas. As my skills grow, little by little my own thoughts accumulate, too.

Then, when do you get the feeling that you have aged somewhat? JB: Lately, when we go to music shows, there are a lot of rookies who are younger than us. So it’s when we watch their stages and think not “Wow, how cool,” but “Really fresh.” That’s when I wonder whether I have grown old.

Rookies usually are overflowing with this special passion. JB: Now I can see that. We also work hard on stage, but I think that the feeling is a little bit different. I think that I was rather relaxed in my rookie days, but someone looking at me back then will definitely have thought “Why is he trying so hard?” (laughs) Jinyoung: It’s similar for me, too. I also get the same feeling when I see the rookies display really bright images on stage, but, on the other hand, I get to think “Ah, those guys will really regret this 5 years later.”

Why would they regret it (laughs)? Jinyoung: After 5 years such things in some way become their dark history. No matter what you do, it looks excessive. Just like we have felt it.

When you released the album, you also opened an exhibition under the same name with the photos and pieces of writing you have done yourself. JB: I really like reading and taking photos, so when they offered to do something like that at the company, I figured we should try it. However, it did feel burdensome. Because my skills aren’t good enough to display them at an exhibition.

Any memorable parts of your essay that were displayed at the exhibition? Jinyoung: There’s a sentence where it sounds as if hyung attempts to start a conversation with me with “Jinyoung-ah, time flies, eh?” I was really shocked when I saw that, thinking “Hyung uses such expressions?” Haha. JB: I was also shocked when I saw that sentence. I did write it, but it got slightly trimmed. The original was “5 years have gone by. Jinyoung-ah, time flies.”

The original is very clean. Jinyoung: Yes. But they changed into something very sweet. JB: That’s why I also wondered “The meaning is the same, but why is it so sweet?” We had it decided to go with the serene theme for this exhibition. Jinyoung: The concept for this exhibition was a blind show off*. So that everyone could enjoy it lightly with fun. JB: But suddenly I became a sweet guy one morning. Of course, the meaning was similar, but the nuance was slightly different.

Then what is memorable among the things that Jinyoung wrote? JB: There is a scene where I walk while looking at my phone and this photo has this sentence: “There is a reason for looking at the ground, too.” But I wasn’t looking at the ground; I was looking at my phone. I remember it because it didn’t match the photo. Jinyoung: I wrote it like this on purpose. People are walking with their heads down as they focus on their phones. And it’s not because they are weak, they all have their reasons… was what I meant. JB: Another thing was this photo of a barley field and the sky. And totally at random, he had written this phrase: “Sky and barley, ah, I’m thirsty.” It was really funny. Hahaha.

So not all phrases connote specific meanings, it seems. Jinyoung: It’s boring if everything is serious. JB: We did include random phrases here and there. Because we wanted to share the fun with the fans.

This album’s title track “Tomorrow, Today” contains the worries of the young people. What are you two worried about lately? JB: I think I am always worried about the same things: Which road I should take; how I should work on developing myself. And I am concerned every day about what I should eat. That is a very light worry (laughs).

But that is the most important worry. JB: Usually, there are things you want to eat. But that doesn’t apply to me. Never in my life have I genuinely wanted to eat something in particular.

You don’t have a favorite dish? JB: Of course, I do have. But it’s not like I feel I want to eat it no matter what; I do not get cravings.

Alright, then let’s confirm this by asking Jinyoung, who is always next to you. Jinyoung: This is really... (looks at JB) Hyung, can I say this? I’ll be honest about this (laughs). When we order food, hyung always says he’s not eating. But if I order 2 sets just in case, hyung comes over and asks “Do you have food?” He might not want to eat anything specific, but if you order something, he eats it. Although he always says he’s not hungry. JB: Even if I want to order something, there’s so much on the menu. I really can’t choose. Because there’s nothing I want to eat in particular. Jinyoung: Hyung, I think you’re the type who can choose when you see the real thing. JB: I say I’m not eating when I can’t recall the menu, but when eventually I smell the food, I get hungry. And then I stealthily walk over. Jinyoung: And then I naturally pull out the second set (laughs).

When you spend a lot of time overseas, you start missing Korean food, even if you do not eat it often. JB: I eat only Korean food even when I’m abroad (laughs). I’m a real Korean food lover, so I always have to have soup and stew.

Then what is Jinyoung worried about as of late? Jinyoung: It might sound a little funny, but my biggest concern is to prevent voice cracks and going flat as much as possible. We have to rehearse quite often in the morning when our voices are still not warmed up. There are a lot of singers watching, so my main concern is to get over it without going flat.

I suppose it is an obvious concern for a singer. Jinyoung: Hyung has a nice vocal tone and he’s good at singing, but my tone is a bit lower and my throat tends to tighten up when I sing high notes, so every morning is hard. But it’s even harder because I get stressed out that I shouldn’t go flat in front of other people.

Haven’t you found any solution for this problem? Jinyoung: There is one. When I hit high notes, I can pull the microphone away as far as possible and just pretend that I’m singing. Hahaha.

Can I use this for the interview (laughs)? Jinyoung: This is something I do only at rehearsals. I do well for the actual broadcast. JB: My voice also tends to crack sometimes. In fact, it happened at the rehearsal yesterday… (laughs). Jinyoung: Hyung, yesterday that was really great.

What did happen at the rehearsal yesterday for you to say that? JB: I was singing my parts, and every single time my voice cracked. Jinyoung: Hyung was so flustered then that after the rehearsal instead of “You have worked hard,” he said “Hello.” JB: Honestly, the voice is an important instrument for any singer, but the condition is always different even if you do the same thing at the same time, and if you sleep the same. So your voice might also crack or it might not. At first, I used to get stressed a lot because of it, but now I just get over it laughing. It’s already happened, so there’s nothing you can do about it. I just tell myself that I have to work hard the next time. Luckily, I did well for the broadcast yesterday.

Is Jinyoung’s blood Type A, by any chance? JB: I am Type A. Jinyoung’s Type O.

That’s unexpected. JB: Type A usually remains quite optimistic when something big happens. On the contrary, the smaller the affair, the more we tend to worry. Jinyoung: It’s not something insignificant when your voice cracks in front of other people. JB: If I make an embarrassing mistake, I keep on looking at it, until I get used to it. And if I feel that I have adjusted myself to it, I don’t ruminate over it again. I try to not make the same mistake twice.

What about when you have to choose? Do you have regrets about the choices you don’t take? JB: It depends on the situation. And I think the amount of regret that remains depends on the importance of the choice. Rather than saying I have no regrets, if my choice was a mistake, you could say I look back at it and make a resolve to not make the same mistake again. Jinyoung: If I have decided on something, I’m the type to try and push it through as it is first, and then look back onto it later.

You must be the type who focuses on the present choices. Jinyoung: It’s something I have committed to already. So I have to complete it as well. After that, I wonder why I did it that way.

Do you have any lingering attachment to the choices you didn’t make in the past? JB: I sometimes think I should’ve worked harder in the past, and I wish I had thought the way I do now when I was younger. Jinyoung: I am the opposite. I think I worked too hard in my trainee days when I came to Seoul and didn’t have many friends. Without any space to breathe. I wish I would’ve been more relaxed and made some friends back then. Back then I had a lot of worries and I felt the pressure to succeed, so I wasn’t too close with the other trainees, too.

The two of you have a common history of placing 1st in an open audition, using the same song. After that, you’ve been together for almost 8 years, is this fate? JB: Aside from that, we have other ties, too. When we entered the audition, we actually entered it separately, but before the final performance where you had to make team groups, the people at the company put the two of us together. I think we’ve been together ever since then. Jinyoung: We spent our trainee days with hyung talking about people who had done it better. Who had been better. And then we filmed the drama together, we debuted together, then did GOT7 together. We’ve spent 7~8 years like this.

And thus you two are special to each other, I think. Jinyoung: We have faith in each other. JB: We know what we like and what we dislike, so we don’t really bump into each other. We are considerate of each other. Jinyoung: I think that when you’re in a relationship, rather than the good things, it’s the most important to refrain from doing the things others dislike. Since we already know very well what each of us dislikes, we are considerate of that.

What was your first impression when you two met? JB: How should I put it? Jinyoung had this feeling of extremely clean and pure, uncontaminated first-class water.

Does he still have that kind of feeling (laughs)? Jinyoung: People change, it’s been 8 years. JB: No matter how pure the water might be… (laughs). Rather than saying he went through a negative change, I think he got more seasoned at the same time maintaining that original feeling.

What was Jaebeom’s first impression? Jinyoung: He was like a “playboy” in the best meaning of the word. If we compare his past demeanour to the present, he goes through his life in a rather fierce manner now, but at first he seemed to be very relaxed.

When do you get the feeling that the two of you match really well? JB: Normally, we obviously match pretty well, and we match when we work. When we’re together, no matter what we do, everything just goes neatly and efficiently.

Is there something about you two you wish wouldn’t change as the years go by? Jinyoung: Hyung’s love for music is still the same, from the very first time I saw him. It’s about time it changed, to be honest (laughs). JB: Jinyoung has this feeling of a disciplined man. It’s not like he tries to live properly on purpose, he’s just born with it.

When was it the last time you have felt genuinely happy? Jinyoung: When JJ Project’s album was released. I got the album to sign it, and I was glad it came out so pretty. JB: Hmm… I’m the type that can’t feel emotions like “good” or “happy” that well. Of course, I did like it when the album was released.

Then what could make Jaebeom happy? JB: I don’t know. I think I’m just taking it easy with my life. Because I didn’t try to live while trying to feel happiness. I think I’m just the type who thinks “Life is life,” and who doesn’t put too much meaning into it.

This is the moment when we need information from Jinyoung again. As someone who has watched him from up close, when does Jaebeom get happy? Jinyoung: When he watches funny videos on YouTube? Yesterday he was also laughing so much by himself, that I checked it out wondering what it was, and he was laughing so hard watching videos by a rapper called “Designer.” Then he looked sincerely happy.

Recently, you asked your member Yugyeom to rate “Verse 2” in one phrase. I will also ask the same of you. JB: Best album! According to my standards, it’s a well-made best album. I always put an effort to work hard on every album, but this album is a little bit more special. I participated in the creative process more than for any other album, and just as much as I have thrown my heart and soul into it, I also like the track order and the album design.

Jinyoung: No regrets. It feels like we have poured our everything into it. We didn’t have much free time because we worked on it together, but I think we have spent that time very well. With no regrets. JB: And since we have completed this task, we have to work hard on making the next GOT7 album, too.

* Jinyoung used the term 중2병, which basically refers to the attitude of a 13-14-year-old, when puberty hits, and they behave as if they know everything.

Kor-Eng: Egle0702

Scans: GGOONERR_

MAY BE TAKEN OUT WITH PROPER CREDITS!!!

[postgamecontent]

Panzer Dragoon Saga: SEGA Saturn Spotlight #4

Original Release Date: January 29, 1998

Original Hardware: SEGA Saturn

Developer/Publisher: Team Andromeda/SEGA

At least as far as North American gamers went, Panzer Dragoon Saga never really got a chance to be assessed just on its own merits. SEGA of America's baffling decision to limit the game's print run meant that the game was considered rare immediately upon release. As the years passed without a reprint or re-release, the game's legend only grew. Some consider it not just the best SEGA Saturn game but one of the best RPGs of all-time, and I can't help but wonder how much its scarcity plays into that. It's a solid game with a lot of unconventional ideas that probably came about as a necessary result of tying it in with its rail-shooter predecessors, but I'm not sure I'm as over the moon with it as some appear to be. That being said, I would include it on any short list of the top Saturn RPGs, and the notoriety its rarity caused may well have made it the most famous Saturn-exclusive game.

That's a fitting title for a Panzer Dragoon game, I think. While the series did manage to spill out onto other hardware platforms, I personally feel that Panzer Dragoon is iconic of the SEGA Saturn in a way that no other brand is. The first game in the series was a highlight of an otherwise lackluster launch period for the console. Its sequel, Panzer Dragoon Zwei, remains one of the finest showcases of the Saturn's 3D capabilities. Then there's Panzer Dragoon Saga, a game that helped the Saturn blow off the doors on its way out. While many members of the developer Team Andromeda stuck around at SEGA to work on Panzer Dragoon Orta and assorted other projects, the team as a unit disbanded after Panzer Dragoon Saga. Team Andromeda was born on the Saturn, lived on the Saturn, and ultimately died with it.

Panzer Dragoon Saga began development not long after Panzer Dragoon Zwei. Having just come off the fairly successful first game, Team Andromeda split into two teams. One of the two teams, comprised of around 30 members, set about the task of making a direct follow-up to the first game's rail-shooting action. The remaining staff began work on Panzer Dragoon Saga. They would be joined by the bulk of of Panzer Dragoon Zwei's staff once that game was finished and released in early 1996. Most of the first year was spent simply figuring out the design challenges of adapting the shooting action into a role-playing game format. Fortunately, they had the rather capable Panzer Dragoon Zwei engine to use as a base for their game, so some of the programming obstacles were already addressed from the start.

Nevertheless, the development of Panzer Dragoon Saga was a serious challenge. Team Andromeda had virtually no prior experience developing RPGs, which proved to be a double-edged sword. They had to figure out a lot along the way, but their inexperience is likely what led to Panzer Dragoon Saga's many innovative ideas. They were not only embarking on their first RPG, but also a fully 3D RPG. More capable systems than the Saturn were largely relying on pre-rendered backgrounds to free up polygons for the characters, but Panzer Dragoon Saga rendered as much as it could in real-time polygonal graphics, allowing the camera more freedom. This was no mean feat for the Saturn, but Team Andromeda had a knack with the system that was nearly unmatched. If anyone was going to be able to get good results out of the Saturn on this particular front, it would be them.

The game spent nearly four years in development and, for their part, SEGA threw a lot of resources behind it. The game featured an all-star Japanese voice cast, a vocal theme from the artist who performed the Japanese dub of Belle in Disney's Beauty and the Beast, and even made use of motion capture, a relative rarity at the time. The game also uses an extensive amount of pre-rendered CG video, the main cause behind it shipping on four discs. SEGA clearly had high hopes for the game, which likely put even more pressure on what was already the most ambitious project Team Andromeda had ever attempted. Tempers flared, relationships were damaged, and the game's director Yukio Futatsugi found himself having to take on a stricter role than he was used to. Two staff members died during the game's production, and Futatsugi believes it was due to the stress involved in the game's creation. Now, SEGA may have been restructuring their internal teams at the time anyway, but I doubt that was the only reason many members of Team Andromeda went their separate ways following Panzer Dragoon Saga's release.

By the time the game released worldwide in the first half of 1998, the writing was on the wall for the SEGA Saturn. The system still had a healthy following in Japan, but SEGA's subsidiaries in other countries were already preparing to clear the deck for their next (and final) console, the Dreamcast. SEGA of America was particularly strident about putting the ailing 32-bit console to rest. The person who oversaw the Genesis era where SEGA of America had found the company's greatest success, Tom Kalinske, had parted ways with the company a couple of years earlier after the Saturn failed to catch on. His replacement, Bernie Stolar, was brought in for a very specific purpose: to do for the Dreamcast what he had done for the PlayStation when he was the Vice President of Sony Computer Entertainment of America. Keeping the loyal Saturn owners happy wasn't one of his priorities.

So it was that Panzer Dragoon Saga launched in America with a rumored shipment of 20,000 copies available for the system's 1.8 million North American owners. SEGA of America shorted just about every shipment of their last several Saturn releases, but Panzer Dragoon Saga was easily their biggest miscalculation in this regard. Stolar apparently had something of a disdain for RPGs, which may have had some business justification during his early years at Sony but looked positively absurd in a post-Final Fantasy 7 world. Panzer Dragoon Saga had a lot of buzz, and reviews of the game seemed to confirm that said buzz wasn’t just fluff, making it the highest-rated Saturn game ever released. Now, I'm not a fool. I know the reality of the Saturn's position in the world in 1998. But I also know that SEGA could have sold a lot more copies of that game than they did. They could probably more than double their sales of the game if they reprinted the Saturn version today, even.

Indeed, a reprint of the Saturn version of the game is probably the best we can hope for with regards to seeing Panzer Dragoon Saga re-released. Through some means or another, the source code for the game was lost almost immediately. No one has publicly gone on the record about what happened, but it was confirmed that it wasn't simply lost through carelessness. Given the volatile condition of Team Andromeda after the game was completed, I wouldn't be surprised if something happened to the code in the chaos. Thus, hopes for a re-release of the game are pinned on one of two possibilities: a from-scratch remake, or an emulated release. SEGA has always been shy about the former with regards to Saturn games, and while the latter is certainly possible on today's hardware, it's hard to say if there's a sufficiently large market for Saturn games to merit investing in a proper emulator.

Fortunately for me, the Japanese version isn't terribly hard to come by. The game sold nearly 100,000 copies in Japan and doesn't have nearly the buzz around its collectibility that it has in other regions. You can therefore get your hands on good used copy of the game for under $30, an average price for a game released late in the Saturn's life. Since I sold off my only copy of the English version a while back, this was my only way to replay the game. Still, it was fun to play through the game in its original language. SEGA did a decent job on its localization, but games of this era often read better in Japanese than they do in English.

For such a big production, Panzer Dragoon Saga's story feels smaller in scope than the RPG trend at the time would dictate. The plot deliberately focuses on a small handful of people and while the stakes are high in one sense, you're not exactly trying to save the world, either. You play as Edge, a member of a mercenary group hired by the Empire to guard their latest excavation site. A monster attack leads to you discovering a mysterious girl buried in the wall of the site. No sooner do Edge and his companions make their way out of the site than another attack comes, this time from the rebel Black Fleet. They kill Edge's friends, grab the girl, and leave Edge for dead. After inputting your name, you'll watch a white light descend back into the site, where we find Edge miraculously alive, floating in some water.

Edge soon joins up with the dragon and decides he'd like a hot dish of revenge for his fallen companions. He meets up with a scavenger named Gash who gives him some information in exchange for a ride. Edge eventually catches up with the Black Fleet and its leader, Craymen, but quickly comes to blows with the Fleet's newest ally: the mysterious girl Azel and her dragon Atolm. Craymen has made his way to one of the ancient towers, said to hold great power to those who can make use of them. Edge ends up clashing with Azel again, this time ending with both of them separated from their dragons and stranded together.

It's here that we learn Azel's story. She is a bio-engineered drone from an ancient era. She was designed for the purpose of interfacing with the towers, which is why Craymen was searching for her. The two eventually find their dragons again and go their own ways, with Azel warning Edge that she'll kill him if he crosses Craymen again. I don't want to spoil the whole game, but suffice it to say that a lot of parties get involved in this pursuit for power, and it's hard to know who you can trust. Craymen in particular has a lot of nuance to his character and even after all is said and done, it's hard to say whether he was wrong or right. There's certainly a lot of hubris to go around among just about every member of the main cast, at least.

Alright, I'd like to do two paragraphs of spoilers now. If you ever plan on playing the game, skip this paragraph and the next. Panzer Dragoon Saga makes use of a clever trick you might have seen before and may have seen since. The white light at the beginning of the game was you, the player, inhabiting the body of Edge, presumably bringing him back to life. You are the Divine Visitor destined to bring an end to the merciless rule of Sestren, an AI network that controls the towers and, through them, the world. The dragon that you've been riding for the past three games is actually a rogue AI program that Sestren purged, which is why it's able to change its form so easily. In each of the games, the dragon makes an attempt to cause damage to Sestren. In this game, it finally succeeds. Sestren falls, and humanity is for better or worse on its own from now on.

It's a future that Edge won't see. It's hard to say if he would have survived your essence leaving his body, but he ends up sacrificing himself anyway to put a stop to Sestren. Azel, having fallen in love with Edge and believing he is still out there somewhere, begins a search whose outcome we won't get to see in this game. Panzer Dragoon Orta, the final game in the series, sheds some light on what happens with her. It's a real downer of an ending, as we get to see how Edge's friends wait for him to return as he promised. We as the players and the agents of his demise know the truth, but they don't. This ending was another interesting way that the narrative subverted RPG norms.

Okay, it's safe from here. I want to talk about the gameplay mechanics of Panzer Dragoon Saga, because it's here where the game really gets weird. For starters, your battle party will only ever consist of you and your mount. While many exploration sections have Edge walking around on foot, you'll mostly be getting around on the back of your dragon. To examine things in the environment, you have to lock-on to them the same way you would with your lasers in the previous games. This works for opening chests, manipulating switches, and even talking to people. The game uses an overworld map with points of interest on it. You simply direct your character to the area you want to go to and you'll enter it. This areas can be quite large and made up of multiple maps, so it's not like the game is hurting for size, either.

While there are some fixed battles here and there, most of the fights are random encounters. Once you're in a battle, the game's roots become clear. Your character has an action gauge that fills up over time. You'll need at least one bar to take any actions save moving around. Speaking of which, you can switch your positioning relative to the enemy at any time. Your action bar will freeze while you do this, however, so it's best to try to stick to one side as long as you can. Enemies will be weak from certain angles and use stronger attacks from others. One of the main strategies in the battles in Panzer Dragoon Saga is in using positioning to minimize damage taken and maximize damage dealt. Once you have your meter charged, you can fire off Edge's bowgun with precision aiming, fire a scattered shot of homing lasers courtesy of the dragon, or make use of one of the dragon's special abilities. These function sort of like magic does in other RPGs, dealing some heavy damage, buffing your character, or even healing.

I'll grant that it's not the deepest system around, but it's awfully fun. You have to learn each enemy's quirks, figure out which ones you want to prioritize in mixed groups, and act quickly to avoid taking more damage than necessary. You'll probably find yourself pounding on the buttons waiting for the meters to fill up, but it's still quite action packed thanks to the need to constantly shift your position. The developers really did capture the feeling of a Panzer Dragoon rail shooter while bringing it firmly into RPG territory. Lest you get too bored doing the same thing all the time, the game also features a system that allows you to change your dragon into a number of different types, each with their own stats and special abilities. This is done via a cool slider that morphs your dragon's appearance in real-time. So if you want to go in hard on direct combat, you can switch to the attack-focused form, for example. You have granular control over just how far your dragon leans into each stat, too. I don't think I've played any other RPG with a system similar to this, so it still feels fresh today.

The game hasn't aged spectacularly well from a visual standpoint, though. The CG videos look pretty good even now, but they are certainly of their era. The 3D graphics look alright when you're cruising around on your dragon's back, but less so when you're on foot or in towns. The battles are probably where it shines the most, which makes a lot of sense. Most of the battles opt for some truly cinematic camera angles from certain positions on the field. The developer largely controls what you can or can't see from any given angle, which probably gave them the freedom to cut loose in those fights. For a 3D Saturn game it looks great overall, even in its weaker portions, but I'm not sure how high of praise that is in the current year. 

Naturally, the audio holds up just fine. The voice cast really was packed with talent, most of whom are still doing quite a bit of work in games and anime today. Composers Saori Kobayashi and Mariko Nanba turned in an outstanding soundtrack that matched the tone established in previous installments and taking things out a bit further to match the increase in scope. SEGA at one time sold an official soundtrack for the game that I would heartily recommend were it not, like the game, out of print. Hopefully one of the fine music companies releasing retro game soundtracks will eventually get to this one, because it deserves to be heard. I suppose with the game's 20th anniversary coming up next year, anything is possible, right?

Replaying Panzer Dragoon Saga was an interesting experience. Its legend has lost some of its shine for me over the years, so I think I was more able to understand its true nature this time around versus playing it in an ecstatic state brought on by actually finding the blasted thing. The lock-on interface is kind of cumbersome and screaming for a second stick. The graphics don't look all that great when you get close to things, but the camera choreography is still excellent. Along with the somewhat action-based system, it makes battles feel much more exciting than those found in most RPGs. I've played a few more games that used a similar narrative twist now, so that doesn't come off quite as impressively as it once did.

My biggest take-away from the game is that there's still nothing out there quite like it. Perhaps it's owing to its complexity, or maybe even its scarcity and resultant obscurity, but I can't think of any other RPG I've played that takes a similar approach to its battle system. I also appreciate the game's quick pace more than I used to. I find as I get older, I like it when a game doesn't waste too much of my time on filler. That's a big contrast from when I was younger, when time was apparently endless and new games came infrequently.

Above all, Panzer Dragoon Saga deserves to be far more widely-played. It's baffling that SEGA has yet to take a gamble on the game's notoriety with a re-release, even knowing what that would entail. Its ambiguous themes, innovative gameplay systems, and unusual plot would likely play quite well with modern RPG fans, and if that meant the game had to be rebuilt from scratch, well, the graphics could probably use that anyway. I won't go as far as to say this is one of the best RPGs of all-time, but it's really enjoyable to play and more than a little bizarre in its execution. I can't help but appreciate games like that.

Previous: Shining the Holy Ark

If you enjoyed reading this article and can't wait to get more, consider subscribing to the Post Game Content Patreon. Just $1/month gets you early access to articles like this one, exclusive extra posts, and my undying thanks.