#I was spoiled for choice with so many of these!

[aangelinakii]

SAYING SOMETHING STUPID.

— and then you go and spoil it all.

summary : you and jason have been dating for a year, and although both of you know it, neither of you have said the dreaded L word. what happens when, accidentally, the truth comes out?

note : technically zimtsterne are christmas cookies so pretend like this is a christmas time fic

despite the countless beatings he took each and every night, jason's forearm was already beginning to ache. you had him whisking egg whites until they looked like snowy mountains, but not too mountainous, you'd said.

"where did you find this recipe again?" he hummed, not wanting to take his eyes off the bowl he was attempting to whisk at a flash-speed. beside him at the counter, of which he'd stepped away from to allow you more space, you were mixing ground almonds, cinnamon and powdered sugar into a dough. "what even is a zim— zimt—"

"zimtsterne."

"yeah, that."

"i found it online," you responded, barely taking your eyes off your almost-mixture. once jason would whisk the egg whites into soft peaks, you'd add half to your dough and it would be ready to cut into star shapes.

"online?" jason snickered, bumping your hip lightly with his. "you heard it on that game you play, didn't you? what was it again... choices?"

before you could get a handle on yourself, your eyes rolled almost back into your head. at this, you whipped your head over your shoulder to cast a very meaningful look to your boyfriend. "i only play it to get diamonds. i don't even use them, i just want to reach ten thousand just in case."

"how many do you have now?" he asked in return, looking back down at his white foamy mixture.

with a soft munch on the gum of your cheek, you turned back to your own bowl sheepishly. "more than ten thousand."

from behind, jason's warm laugh hummed through the kitchen. soft footsteps approached from behind, and his broad figure ghosted against your back. at once, a muscular arm, as well as his bowl, came into your vision. "this good enough?"

in the bowl, much faster than you would've been able to, jason had whisked the three egg whites cracked in there into soft peaks, leaving a little fluffy curl when you pulled the metal whisk out of the mixture. "perfect!" you grinned in return, taking the bowl in your own hands and scooping half the egg whites into what you'd so far made from the ground almonds.

watching you scoop and mix, scoop and mix, jason leaned back against the counter, hands resting on the edge, the veins pronounced on the back of the hand he'd used to whisk. "you're not gonna ask me to do any more whisking, are you?"

a soft chuckle brushed past your lips as you placed the bowl of egg whites back on the counter, and resumed stirring the zimtsterne mixture. "not today, you lucky boy," which earned an uncertain smile from jason.

"i liked that," he hummed bashfully.

"what, being lucky boy?"

jason gave an uncharacteristic laugh, his body swaying slightly against the counter. "maybe."

when you'd started dating, jason todd had never been an outwardly affectionate type; it took a few months for him to finally be willing to hold your hand in public. he was so used to suppressing his feelings, his affections, that it was certainly a challenge to get him to unlearn certain behaviours. now, a good year in, jason was getting more and more comfortable being the person he truly was.

still, at times, you weren't used to that person, hidden under years of trauma and dirt and grit.

but here he was, presenting himself to you in his cupped hands.

with a laugh matching his own, you paused your stirring for a moment to look up at him. "no more whisking, but i need you to get a tray, put a piece of parchment paper on it, and sprinkle some powdered sugar on the counter."

obedient like a dog gone soft, you could hear the clashing of pots and pans and opening and closing of cupboards behind you, until the cooking tray was placed on the counter beside your bowl, where the batter was coming along nicely.

jason tore off a square bit of parchment paper, and lay it upon the tray, where the corners curled, but otherwise stayed on, then he peeled open the bag of powder sugar. "how much do i put?" he asked, glancing over at you, hand hovering above the flour.

"not too much just yet, but we'll probably have to add more later."

and so his hand disappeared into the bag, and when it reappeared, he sprinkled a good serving of sugar along the countertop.

"perfect," you hummed once again. "next what we're gonna do is take the batter and press it down, then use the star cut-outs."

"we have to put our hands in that?" jason groaned, although playfully, you knew.

with a casual shrug, you began digging your hand into the zimtsterne mixture and pulled out a chunk to roll into a ball in your palms. "i mean, i could always do it by myself — if baking is too difficult for you."

a massive shoulder came into view, and jason's hand dunked into the bowl. "hell no! i can bake."

eyes closely watching the movement of your hands, jason rolled the amount of dough into a ball between his palms. then, once you'd placed your dough on the powdered sugar, pressed it down with the heel of your palm, jason followed suit.

you reached across the counter for the small star cutter, and sunk it down into the dough. "and... there! it's a little cinnamony star."

despite the grit and sheer size of him, in your company, jason todd was small, all soft touches and blush along cheeks.

as you carefully placed your star atop the parchment paper, jason took the small metal cutter in his calloused fingers, skilled in pulling the trigger.

he was careful as he pushed the cutter into the dough, glancing over at you a couple times as though he were doing something wrong.

somehow reading his mind, you reached over, hands placing them atop of his, spreading them in the muck of the dough you'd made, though jason didn't seem to mind; he'd had worse on his hands. "you're doing great," you smiled softly. "to get a clean cut you need to shake it a bit now."

and, with a laugh, your grip on jason's hands tightened slightly, and you helped jiggle the star cutter, separating his little biscuit from the rest of the dough, which you could reuse for another zimtsterne star.

a breath brushing past your ear, jason gave that kind, boyish laugh, and when you glanced over your shoulder, his eyes had halved into crescents, little moon shining down on the kitchen. "this is the strangest thing i've ever done."

perpetual smile by his side, you pulled away and tore the remaining dough from around the cookie cutter, pressing it into a sugared mound to be used again. "put that one next to my star on the tray," you ordered, although kind. "i'm gonna put more sugar down."

with ginger movements, jason lay his dough zimtsterne star down upon the parchment paper, a few inches from the one you'd made. eyeing him for a moment, to make sure his biscuit was far enough away from yours, you dunked your hand into the pink bag of icing sugar.

with a soft smile you made a nice comment on jason's placement; he was just about to reply when everything went white.

it must've caught through the gaps in your fingers while you weren't looking, must've been more than you'd meant to grab, for the powdered sugar hit the sleek countertop, and jumped back up in a whisp.

jason donned a white tuft of hair in his raven normally, but when the sugary fog began to clear, you could barely tell where the original streak ended and where it began.

your powder-covered hand shot to your agape mouth. "holy— that was an accident, i swear!"

his emerald eyes blinked open, sending some more snow-white dust into the air as it bounced off his eyelashes.

in one swift swoop, jason reached up to his blizzard of hair, and stretched out his hand over your face. you didn't need a mirror to know you probably looked like a snowman slapped you — but this action only caused room for ammunition, your dropped jaw setting and clenching as you pulled your arm back and launched.

the remnants of icing sugar in your palm exploded through the air, and whatever didn't land on the floor or counter (and most of the parchment paper) certainly his jason.

you could see in the way he lurched forward, but halted himself, that he was purposely holding back; you'd seen the way he would react when dick or tim tried to one-up him at the dinner table at the wayne family dinners you'd been brought to, or when training. his instincts are primal.

but, beneath the avalanche of icing sugar, his lips thinned. letting out a small sigh, jason shook his head, sending powdered sugar down onto the counter, where you could make your next zimtsterne star.

he gave a joking scoff. "you should be grateful i love you, or else this whole kitchen would be white."

it was a one-off sentence, supposed to be casual as he took the mound of dough in his hand to press flat against the monstrosity of sugar on the countertop. but it caused you to freeze, right in your place, hand gripping the edge of the counter falling slack.

jason hadn't seemed to notice.

he continued palming the dough until it was flat, but thick enough to be carved into a star, and reached for the cutter, content smile etched into his white powdery face.

"what did you say?"

your voice, however, was small.

even after a year now, neither of you had said the words he just had; you knew he had issues with attachment and relationships, so you supposed it just had never crossed your mind that he would... love you.

jason glanced up casually, shaking the star-shaped cookie cutter and placing down the new biscuit on the tray with the others. "oh, i was just saying that you're lucky, because if you were timothy drake, it would be over."

"no, no, you didn't say that." two steps forward, small, uncertain, but curious, aching to hear it again, make sure you weren't dreaming.

you placed a hand on his elbow, urging him to turn and look at you, which left a snowy handprint along his flesh. once he had carefully pushed the dough onto the tray, he placed the metal cut-out back on the counter and turned. "maybe not verbatim, but that's what i meant."

seeing the urgent look in your eyes, his smile faltered, but the lines it had made remained in the sugar.

"you said... you said you love me."

as the words left your lips, jason's eyes widened, and his body shuddered as if to stagger away from you, but your grip on his elbow tightened and didn't allow him.

"jason, is that true?"

beneath the powdered sugar, his bottom lip gave a tremour. "i... i guess i did say that."

your thumb brushed carefully over the bone of his elbow. "it's okay if it's true, i just want to know." trying to convince him he was safe — that you were safe — your voice softened, and you forced your body out of its initial shock.

but he didn't respond, only lips thinning, stare remaining still, like he'd been caught out on a really bad lie.

"i think so," he mused quietly, almost... afraid?

instinctively, your grip tightened once more upon his elbow, and you leaned in, eyebrows raised, a smile widening by the moment. "you love me?" it was spoken more like a song, more like it were an accomplishment than a question.

jason's bottom lip quivered, and when he spoke he sounded rather shaky, but he put on a brave, sugar-covered face. "is there– is there a problem with that?"

not minding the powder on your hands — and you hoped he wouldn't either — you leapt forward, engulfing his tough frame with a hug so tight it was possible all the knots in his back unwound at your touch. jason stumbled back, one sugared arm finding the small of your back and the other taking hold of the counter's edge to stabilise him.

sugar dusted itself along his breastbone, where you pressed your face into him. "oh, i didn't want to scare you away, or say anything i shouldn't," you began, voice extraordinarily muffled, until you pulled away to finish, gazing into his eyes, the only colour besides white on his face. "but i love you, jason. i really, really love you."

feeling suddenly shy at your sudden confession, your fingers toyed absently with the fabric of jason's once-black shirt, and your teeth sank awkwardly into your bottom lip.

but jason didn't hide away; he didn't contort into fear or anger. instead, his body sunk into yours, a warmth comparible to that of the pre-heated oven behind you. any uncertainty in those brilliant eyes of his seeped out through the corners, creating a coccoon of watery sugar beneath his lashes.

one of your hands came away from his back, and lay itself upon his cheek. an equally as powdery thumb swiped carefully beneath his eye — jason didn't even flinch.

all he could think was how stupid he was to have ruined the moment, not even thinking as he spoke, but also that he had finally admitted it out loud, and that you had reciprocated without any semblance of hesitation.

[hestzhyen]

Chapter 66 Trepidation Posting

Well, dear void... I begged for Seitei War lore and a finger curled on the monkey's paw. Where to even begin?

Rough TL of the editor's notes:

First Page: 封じられた記憶… [fuji rareta kioku...] "Sealed memories..." Last Page: 妖刀も妖術もなくただその剣技で- [yoto mo yojutsu mo naku tada sono kengi de-] "No enchanted blades, no sorcery, just swordsmanship-"

Iori Lore and Dad Stuff

What a cute creature.

Her fake last name is Yoshiura (吉浦): 吉 (yoshi) for good luck/joy and 浦 (ura) for bay/creek/inlet. Nothing particularly interesting or exciting about it but it has a nice sentiment.

I'm in a better headspace now so I can do some thinking that needed to be done last week. Let's take some notes about the current arc and it's continued focus on one of Kagurabachi's key themes: Daddy Issues™.

Chihiro: lost his dad through tragedy, memories haunt and drive him. Was loved dearly and loved his father back in return. Acting on his grief in violent ways.

Hakuri: lost his dad through abuse, let go of his memories and found closure on that front. Was loved dearly then discarded but never stopped loving his dad.

Iori: lost her dad through his own guilt, trying to recover her memories of him. Was loved dearly and seemed to love him back in return. The memories she had with him were so upsetting that she passed out when she got them back.

Hiruhiko: mostly unknown right now, but clearly special to John and spoiled a bit by him. Surprisingly wholesome relationship despite how unhinged he is. If he was truly adopted like many fans think then John was probably a doting dad from the start.

So the "similar" traits based on what we know are...

Lost Their Dad: Chihiro, Hakuri, Iori

Dad Murdered/Killed: Chihiro, Hakuri

Dad Deliberately Abandoned Them: Hakuri, Iori

Were Always Loved by Their Dad: Chihiro, Hiruhiko, Iori

Dad was Burdened by Guilt: Chihiro, Iori

And the "unique" traits are...

Abused by Their Dad: Hakuri

Clings to Memory of Dead Dad: Chihiro

Dad Forgot About Them: Iori

Spoiled Brat Thanks to Dad: Hiruhiko

Chihiro and Iori are the ones being directly compared right now. They both lost their fathers, but Samura's a real piece of work compared to what we know about Kunishige. He chose to forget her in order to protect her whereas Kunishge went into hiding to stay with Chihiro. One child forgotten on purpose, one clinging to memories because that's all he has left.

Yeah, Samura's not winning any "Best Dad" awards any time soon- but it's hard to blame him when we see what the family was enduring because of his reputation after the war. Any half-decent parent wants their kid to grow up without having to see that kind of stuff. Samura just let guilt have too much influence over his choice on how to manage it, in my opinion. Kids should have a bit of say in how they're raised too. Not a lot but at least enough be able to feel seen and heard.

As for the other two, Hakuri and Hiruhiko are in pretty good shape. Hakuri's still smarting over the loss of his dad most likely, but he got the catharsis he was craving when Kyora finally acknowledged him right before he died. That particular wound can start to close up and heal as Hakuri moves on through the story, unlike Chihiro and Iori's at present. And Hiruhiko seems to be in the best spot out of the four as John's special little guy who can do whatever he wants. Spoiling kids isn't being a good parent but Hiruhiko's in a pretty good state all things considered- probably the best out of the four. We have plenty more to dig in with him so this'll get revisited once development happens or new information drops.

But yeah. Chihiro being rightfully angry at Samura for deciding to sever the parent/child bond so lopsidedly tracks with his unresolved trauma. Of course he thinks he wouldn't want to change a thing about living with his father. He's still deep in mourning and floundering in the morass of grief he uses to push himself forward. I wonder if we'll get commentary on this at some point... it's such a core aspect to his personality and the story that it might be saved for the end.

Iori's choice is left for another chapter but I have a feeling she'll agree with Chihiro and keep the memories despite the pain and danger they bring. Samura's guilt needs to be addressed and the daughter he chose to forget should have the biggest part in confronting him about it! The story can become an escort mission of sorts to keep Iori safe until that happens, which leads to easy action so hooray for us.

Perception and Being Perceptive

Yeah, he is. But that's not all.

And here we go, we're back to how people look at Chihiro and judge him without knowing the truth. Samura, Kunishige, and the other Bearers are "heroes" who seem to have some rather serious crimes buried in their pasts. Chihiro is a "murderer" stricken with grief killing those who try to destabilise society. Simple, no-frills parallels between guys drowning in guilt that anyone can pick up on.

What else is going on here? Well, those who were saying the hotel was inspired by John Wick are almost certainly correct with sorcery and fights being forbidden within it's walls. The Manager and his staff/followers enforce this with his own sword technique: Reigen One Sword School/Style (no relation to Reigen Arataka of Mob Psycho 100 fame). 礼 (rei): salute, thanks, gratitude, etiquette 玄 (gen): mysterious, occultness, profound

How... polite?

No, that's not Kumeyuri, and anyone who asks gets a bonk on the head for not paying attention.

Small note that wasn't kept in EN: Hiruhiko refers to Toto as "Toto-san", which is cute. He respects her and/or she's older than him.

Of course Toto summons Hiruhiko in so he can begin his own training arc by facing off against the hotel's staff. The bloody pin being used to tie his hair back will definitely not inspire a ton of fan art, trust me. It will be a Hiruhiko-free week everywhere (RIP my feeds). But Hiruhiko's really racking up the service industry experience between being bonded to Kumeyuri with it's geisha spirits and learning how to fight from hotel employees using a polite sword fighting technique.

Other than that, it's not clear if Kuguri's in this hotel or not but chances are extremely good that we'll get more hot-blooded action next chapter as Hiruhiko and Chihiro both learn by doing. Maybe they'll meet again, maybe not. The only guaranteed thing is that Sumi and Moku are wasting their time by prepping the seal on the roof because Iori's not going to want it even if it's finished before another dramatic escape is made.

Desperate cope theory while I'm here: maybe we can see Hakuri again soon since he and Hiruhiko have that "what is friendship, anyway" thing going on with Chihiro. That cut from Hiruhiko yapping about battling to the death as "equals" to Hakuri on the page turn in chapter 54 is still eating at my brain, yes. And Chihiro just reminded us that he feels inferior to Hakuri (he's gonna become his samurai it's canon no one can take this from me). Depends on how the next chapter plays out but I'm hoping. Dying. I'm dying without Hakuri. Please I miss him so bad just one new panel is all I'm begging for.

"Truth"?

OK. Time to let the brain worms squiggle freely over about two pages' worth of Seitei War information.

So, first... a translation note (sigh). The subject of how the war ended will probably come up now that the beginning of it was given to us (or at least, a particular version of it).

Chapter 9, if you forgot. Thank you Hella for catching this when I was all set to yap about the implications of an armistice vs. other ways to end a war.

How the war ended is still a mystery but it might not have actually been an armistice as implied by the English translation of the signboard. The word used in Japanese to describe it is 終戦 (shuusen), simply "end of war/cessation of hostilities" in a formal and pretty final way. The method could have been anything: surrender, peace treaty, and so on. An actual armistice would use 停戦 (teisen - temporary ceasefire for negotiations), 休戦 (kyuusen - a short-term truce/suspension of fighting), or 偃武 (enbu - mutually laying down arms but without the finality of shuusen) to describe both sides agreeing to pause the fight. So there might not have been mutual feelings that the war needed to stop for both sides' benefit like an armistice would imply, leaving a lot of room for the losing side to build up resentment.

Of course we all know that peace treaties coming from armistices can do the same thing if they are crafted poorly- The Treaty of Versailles used to end WWI is probably the most well-known example in the West. But the ambiguity exists in Japanese and should have stayed in English in my opinion. Folks who remember this signboard from early in the manga might be confused if it turns out the end of the war wasn't so peaceful or mutual after all.

With that out of the way, I want to talk about how fucking suspicious the story of how the war started is.

Keep in mind that Chihiro, Iori, and the Masumi don't know the truth of what actually happened- they're only recounting what they were taught or read about.

"But that all changed when the Fire Nation attacked" this is not.

小国 (shokoku): small country. NOT the actual name of the place, just describing it for what it was. "Twenty-two years ago... a 'small island nation' appeared in the south-east seas..." would be more accurate. (Thanks as always, Hella.)

So, right out of the gate, a whole damn country appearing out of nowhere full of people using magic rocks to attack the mainland sounds like something straight out of a child's fairy tale. You're telling me that Japanese Atlantis rose out of the ocean and became hostile right away, completely unprovoked? That's the kind of framing used to justify showing a foe no mercy. It's an essential part of successful propaganda- dehumanise the enemy, make them seem unknowable, monstrous, and imminently threatening.

The datenseki bit is especially interesting. How did these undersea people have natural compatibility with a stone named as if it came from a meteor?

雫 (da) - drop, trickle 天 (ten) - sky, heavens 石 (seki) - stone

And in such quantities that they could wage a war with it, despite it being rather scarce? (Only 250kgs exist per Sojo in chapter 11; same weight as nearly 12 average-sized countertop dishwashers in Freedom Units.) I suppose a giant meteor could have dropped in the ocean on their territory, or they could have mined it from the seabed, but I don't believe this conveniently simplistic version of events for a second. Not after so much emphasis was put on how shady the Kamunabi is and that they are hiding a lot of shit from the general public.

I doubt an island rose out of the sea as the story claims at all, honestly. While Japan does sit on the Pacific Ring of Fire and sees little islands pop up then vanish back beneath the waves all the time, one big and stable enough to have a whole nation's worth of people on it would not have gone undetected for so long. It beggars belief that the mainland didn't know they had a whole bunch of people living off the coast underwater unless they were using sorcery to hide from sonar and exploratory/research missions.

My bets are on this "invading" nation to have been a populated island that existed for a while and for some reason -probably related to the datenseki- war broke out between them and the mainland. Classic grab for resources, discontent with the mainland rulers vs. the island's own government, everything's still on the table. Maybe they were a long-lost fragment of society that tried to reintegrate, who knows?! But does anyone really think a war that started with such one-sided aggression out of the blue would have the population reacting to the people that saved them like this?

Not exactly a "hero's welcome".

"Disappear", "Atone for your sins", and "mass murderer" painted on the side of someone's house with garbage dumped in front is not reflecting the sentiments of people who are happy that the threat to everything they know and love was dealt with. That's outrage! Probably something to do with how the enemy was "wiped out" (JP:掃討 [soutou], cleaned up/swept clean/mopped up, specifically of enemies.) Sounds like the so-called invaders from Japanese Atlantis were thoroughly eliminated...

Iori is very young here, probably elementary school age. So this is a few years after the war in an unknown location- there's a chance this was on the enemy's island, but why would he live among the remaining enemies? He doesn't need more guilt than he already has, seriously. Also, since he was reputable as the fastest swordsman alive when the blades were being handed out, he most certainly wasn't a defector from the enemy's side. Thus I believe this scene takes place on the mainland.

It seems to me like it wasn't all sunshine and rainbows after the war so the Kamunabi came up with a publicity campaign and squashed the truth somehow. But that doesn't erase the memories of the people involved, either as participants or witnesses. I'm extremely curious as to how other members of the war generation remember things. The blades themselves were only used in empty fields (according to Azami, ch. 9) so the Kamunabi could spin that any way they wanted and likely did. But if that was the case, then who saw what and told others to kick off the harassment campaign? Are there mainlanders who dissent to the Kamunabi's rule because of that information not being completely suppressed and thus help out the Hisaku- like Kyora and the Sazanamis were implied to be doing? Remember, Kyora wasn't quite manipulated as thoroughly as Chihiro recounted to Uruha in chapter 48. He definitely had some personal and/or political sympathies with our favourite group of silly bad guys:

Chapter 22. "Dissidents" aren't business rivals or competitors- they're specifically political opponents against the current regime. The term used in Japanese (異分子 [ibunshi], outsiders/alien elements) has slightly different connotations but can mean the same thing.

This is what I meant by the monkey's paw curling at the start of this post. We got crumbs that only really raise more questions instead of answering anything. For now I am still clinging on to the theory of the Seitei War being a civil war... mostly because I don't know if the author intends to tell a story with blunt commentary on the misdeeds of Imperialist governments.

Possible Real-World Influences

Hakuri has nothing to do with this, I just miss him.

So, I know a lot of people have Attack on Titan's swerve into "What the Hell, Author?!" territory still fresh in their minds and I do too. What Hokazono-sensei's setting up here has some eerie similarities with a corrupt government hiding a lot of shit and the mysterious enemies being more sympathetic than they should be... I just hope we don't take the same route of "both sides were bad, so the military needs to protect us all and destroy the worse evil" that seems to happen a lot in these WWII allegory stories.

Not to get political about an action manga, but the discussions in Japan over how to teach younger generations about what went down in the WWI and WWII eras are pretty tense right now. A great deal of emphasis is put on the suffering of the people that happened after Japan was nuked twice -which was a tragedy- but the real story is lost in the debates about what and how much to teach. There's a lot of folks who want to minimize and omit lessons about the war crimes the nation committed in China, Korea, the Philippines, and the rest of the Pacific. There are even a handful who vociferously defend them as "necessary" things that happened during wartime.

I see a lot of this reflected in Kagurabachi's arc right now. We've been told several times that the Kamunabi's version of events can't be trusted and that there's something awful that was covered up. The Hishaku want some secret to come to light and it will almost certainly have hugely negative impacts on the Kamunabi, the Bearers, and likely Kunishige too. Chihiro needs to know what happened as a core part of his character arc, and it will probably come with the realisation that the conflict he's embroiled in is much more complex than a simple revenge mission can solve. Whatever the truth of the situation is will shatter his worldview.

Where Attack on Titan failed in executing this sort of plotline was making the Titans a genuine threat that needed to be put down after revealing what they really were. You don't set up obvious real-world parallels to groups that have suffered greatly in the past just to say they were a real threat all along. You don't downplay government's corruption and cruelty with "well the other guys weren't great either". But this isn't an AoT blog so I'll stop there.

I don't see a reason to be nervous about Kagurabachi making the same mistakes right now after the sensitive writing around difficult topics from previous arcs. I'm paying close attention to where the Seitei War information crumbs lead us, though. I'm interested in most things the author has to say if it's well-told but I'm not going to stick around for justification of jingoist ideology. I also hope that the author will be able to tell the story he wants even if it happens to go against the government's prevailing sensibilities.

We don't know yet where this will go so I'll just wait and watch with a bit of trepidation. I trust Hokazono-sensei to not repeat mistakes author authors have made, but he could well make new ones as an author writing his first-ever serialisation. I just want whatever comes of this plotline to have something interesting to say like the others before it...

We'll leave it here for today, dear void. Thanks for reading all this if you got through it and let's sit tight for some awesome hotel fight action next week! Say something nice about yourself once a day in the meantime. Every other or even just one day is fine if that's all you can manage too- we all start somewhere.

[chocolateteapotsvis]

Halbarry Week Bingo!

Really interested in seeing what everyone else came up with! No need to go this fancy or say which creations you used to check which box; I just thought it would be fun to include!

Full bingo square text and links to the art/stories under the cut!

B1: Battle Couple: Day 2 by @briarmoon1015

B2: Comment on an underrated creation!

B3: Awww!: A Great Gift For A Great Partner by @littledreambee

B4: Prompt Drop!: HalBarry Week 2024 by @ceeloilights

B5: I'm Going to Study This: Come Along and Grow Old With Me; the Best is Yet to be by @roboticnebula

I1: Sinner Barry/Saint Hal: I didn't find one for this; does anyone know one?

I2: So Many Little Details!: Day 5: Little things by @sukiekagamine-art

I3: Maladaptive Hal Coping Mechanism: Honestly I could make an argument for almost any work in this fandom lol

I4: Dreamy Atmosphere: Hero/Civilian by summersolitudee

I5: Like/Kudo 10 Creations!

N1: Kicking Thawne's ass: He's definitely around, but I didn't read anything with him yet.

N2: AU I'd never have thought of: Reveal Yourself by @taxi-cab-to-art-town

N3: FREE

N4: Straight Outta Canon: a little bit of rain from an empty sky by @overlyobsessed223

N5: JLA is a Family: Only You, Darling (Only You) by @layspotatochipabs

G1: Private Moment In Public: "...Wish you were here." by @galaxy---ghost

G2: Big Ol' Kiss: The missing kiss by @itemreceived

G3: Ghost angst: Day 7: Soulmates by @hiso03 (it's reincarnation and not ghosts, but it was similarly delicious angst!)

G4: Comment 5 Times!

G5: Obvious mistake I missed in editing 😭: Shhhh, you didn't see anything :)

O1: Leave comments for 3 creators!

O2: The Banter Be Bantering!: Couldn't choose just one for this one either!

O3: NERDS (affectionate): Wrong morning by @wandeel

O4: Mind Control: I haven't gotten to the vampire fics yet, so maybe there are some there?

O5: 000000h, Cool Prompt interpretation!: Day 3: one bad day by @candy-san1 (this take on the prompt didn't occur to me at all and it's so sweet!)

[mizgnomer]

Hello :) What's your favourite David Tennant character?

Oooh, that's a hard one. I absolutely adore so many of his performances, but his Doctors (Ten, Tentoo, Fourteen - I'll take them all) are always going to be sentimental favorites for me. I've been a Doctor Who fan since I was a youngster during the Tom Baker era. When I started watching new Who in 2005 I figured no new-fangled Doctor would ever take the place of the fondly-remembered favorites from my childhood, but David absolutely shot to the top of my best Doctors list, then went on to become my favorite actor as well. My kids also became Doctor Who fans during David's time, so watching the show together became a fun family event! As much as I adore Crowley and Alec Hardy and David's Hamlet and Benedick and Richard II (and love to hate his Kilgrave), it's hard to top his Doctor(s) in my heart.

...but there are so many other characters I also love. So, so many. Objectively it's too hard for me to choose, so I'll stick with the sentimental Doctor answer. 😊

[druidonity2]

Avatar/Absolution Anduin

based off these Hearthstone portraits.

[toxooz]

will u be making a blueskys account? a lot of artists on twt have been moving over after the new changes to the block function

nah tbh i feel like this at this point

until tumblr and/or twitter completely shut down im going to stay bc the thought of having to build from the bottom up for the 4TH time and have to mass upload all my shit is quite frankly unbearable i aint got it in me no more im Tired

[crimsonpeak-d]

just watched conclave ohhhhh my godd what a movie

[spotaus]

Late Night quick thing (New Age Sillies)

Bad news: That joke post about including Reset + Orchid is definitely not canon. (I legit got sad thinking about Reset being in a universe where Orchid isn't- because their stories are so so intertwined- but Nightmare 100% would NOT risk the whole twins exploding Error's soul thing.)

Good news: This means I COULD include Kane (Reset's older brother who usually dies in timelines where Reset is born) and use it to develope his character a bit more! Also! Perhaps a Blue × Dream kiddo is finally in the stars for me to design?

[pawbeanies]

wait sowee today is pawbeanies talks abt cosplay a lots day. because i love digging around in my closet and what do you MEAN i have a 9s cos in here. from WHENNN

[brinnanza]

you guys know stuff can just be neutral right. like it doesn't have to be good or bad it can just Be ykwim like sometimes an experience is Weird but that doesn't necessarily imply that it was good or bad sometimes things are just so unfamiliar that the sheer novelty overrides having an opinion about it. sometimes you hear someone's died, but it's no one you knew or would ever know and it's so many degrees of separation from the source that they have no emotional investment in it either and that's not automatically a tragedy OR a relief it's just a statement of fact.

sometimes stuff just Is. and it's okay that it is.

[karokawwo]

me when I play touchstarved demo and remember i'm not playing as an ace 6,4 built like a brick house depressed single father

[3416]

whats the fic that would be perfect and whats the thing you dont like about it

i can't drag an author like that on main 😭 i support everyone writing what they want to write, i just am surprised at how little fic is written abt 1634 in general. i feel like if anything they've gotten more insane since being rookies, not necessarily less but 😭

[kalloway]

it's only taken me like 10 years of "yeah, I'll get to it eventually"'s to have finally sat down and actually started my first playthrough of Dragon Age 2 lmao... perfectly on-brand for me (being insanely late to everything)

[mariyekos]

FFVII Rebirth and Gameplay at the Cost of Atmosphere

This is probably going to be part 1 of a series of posts/mini-essays so I'll write more on it later, but while doing one of the Chapter 12 Sidequests in Rebirth, I finally figured out how to phrase one of my biggest issues with this game:

There are several places in Rebirth where they include special gameplay at the cost of good atmosphere. This often, but not always, accompanies either a change or new addition to the plot.

I've put some elaboration on what I mean below. For now, it's only looking at that one sidequest in Chapter 12, though it happens all over the game. But the tl;dr is that sometimes game shoots itself in the foot/misses completely when trying to create a certain atmosphere because it prioritizes a certain type of gameplay that is antithetical to that atmosphere.

The Monsters Aren't Real, and How That Hurts the Atmosphere

The sidequest in question is Lament of the Damned, the sidequest in Shinra Manor where you go with Vincent to explore reports of a crying woman. The thing that got me about this one was the combat trials.

What's in the Game

When you go explore under the manor, both Vincent and Hojo mention deadly combat trials, which is a great setup for some horror and an overall creepy atmosphere. Because wow! If Hojo has no qualms about putting his own experiments to death if they don't prove worthy, that means he's really messed up! (And that Vincent in particular has had an even more disturbing past than we thought). The manor was definitely creepy in the original with all of the monsters roaming the halls and the pop up Ying Yang in particular. There are no more battles in the Shinra Manor (besides Cait Sith's section), so maybe this is their way of making up for that.

Except... in the Remake, the combat trials are just simulations. You don't have to face any real monsters. It's all fake. There are no monsters roaming the halls unchecked anymore, nor are there caged monsters, created for the sole purpose of testing your strength. And this lack of real monsters totally kills the deranged/creepy haunted house atmosphere the original Shinra Manor had.

(Which, to be fair, is already changed by the under-manor laboratory being a huge complex rather than a couple of rooms, which is part of the larger shift in atmosphere done for the entirety of Nibelheim. I won't go into to detail in this post, but while I thought the Cait Sith gameplay segment was actually a lot of fun, I was disappointed by how it killed the vibe too).

Room for Improvement

I personally believe the combat trial aspect would be much creepier and much more effective if you were trapped in a room and real monsters were suddenly let loose on you. Then it would feel like a real fight for your life, and make Vincent's comments about how subjects were disposed of via combat trial all the more impactful. Because simulations can't kill you (or at least, don't seem like they should be able to), so in the simulation verse, there should be no direct consequences to losing. It seems a lot dumber to be killed by a simulation than ripped apart by real monsters. Less scary, though I suppose there's a certain appeal to being killed by the unreal. Still, I don't think they leaned into that hard enough. Maybe they meant to imply that creatures which lost to the simulation would be disposed of either by real monsters or just euthanasia afterwards, but meh. I still think that's less disturbing than throwing test subjects into a room where they either defeat the monsters that have been loosed on them, or die a grisly death. And even if they do somehow die to the simulations, something about it just doesn't hit the same.

Having the monsters only be simulations also loses the disturbing aspect of the basement being inhabited by monsters of Hojo's creation that exist for the sole purpose of testing other experiments of his. Because isn't that messed up? For Hojo to create beings whose sole purpose is to, ideally, be killed by his more successful test subjects? To have to face creatures which may have once been normal animals or innocent civilians who have been twisted to fight but can never be saved, so you must either kill them or die yourself? When the monsters you fight are just simulations, you lose that thought/fear of "oh no, look what he's done to these real living creatures, not only mutating them but sending them to their deaths for his amusement."

When the monsters are fake/just simulations, it means Hojo isn't hurting as many real people, and you don't have to face the disturbing idea of having to put down real beings who probably once had real thoughts and feelings. (Which would've been SO GOOD with the line Vincent has after the combat trials, where he DOES talk about Monsters having feelings. But the monsters you fight aren't real. Not until the very last one. So it doesn't hit the same).

So tl;dr of this section: the fact that the simulations are just that- only simulations, i.e. not real- both reduces the threat level in terms of danger to the character, and eliminates the disturbing realization that Hojo has created creatures who are (if his experiments are successful) are meant to die. Both the atmosphere of the manor and Hojo's character lose out there, imo.

Why the Monsters Aren't Real, or the Gameplay Reason

After beating the combat trials, I came to realize (the likely reason) why they made the combat trials simulations rather than real battles: so they could include combat objectives and so you can take the trials at your own pace (i.e. leave and come back).

Repeating the Trials/Combat Objectives

First, the combat objectives.

There are two types: timers and stagger. If you were fighting against real enemies, having a stagger requirement wouldn't make as much sense, since a real battle should really just be about surviving. Why would you need to stagger them? What would happen if you didn't? Would a monster be more likely to kill you if you didn't stagger it? That's not how it works in gameplay. As for the timer, I could see there still being a timer requirement in the form of these enemies doing some sort of enrage move after a set amount of time, but the stagger one doesn't make as much sense. (For people who don't know what enrage is, it's the idea that an enemy will use an unlivable attack against you. An unavoidable OHKO.)

By making the fights simulations rather than real battles, it then makes sense for Hojo (cough cough the devs) to implement certain specific requirements to progress. It also gives them a better excuse for why you might need to repeat the trials- you didn't meet the combat objectives, so now you have to do it again. Because the trials don't auto-fail if you don't meet the combat objectives, you just don't get to go forward.

But I think it loses sight of the creepy scientist and horror basement thing if what you're fighting isn't real. There is no penalty for not doing the trial "right." If there was an actual enrage at the end of the timer (i.e. if you just straight up lost/died), then that would be terrifying! Because wow, Hojo is willing to kill his subject if they're not fast enough! But no, he just doesn't pass them and has them try again. Which makes him less creepy/insane seeming, because now he's kinder because he's willing to give things a second chance. It's less impactful.

In my opinion, being able to implement combat objectives isn't worth that loss of impact. Because combat objectives don't have to be in this part of the game. Chadley has combat objectives in his simulator. If they want us to do combat simulator stuff, have us do it with Chadley. Don't hurt the atmosphere in the manor to include this dumb requirement, which not only means there's less threat in the form of the monsters not being real, but also kills any sense of urgency because you can repeat the trials as many times as you want, or even come back later if you don't have the time. It's a loss of atmosphere for the sake of gameplay in a bad way. They didn't have to write it like this, but they did. And it happens several times through this game.

Backing Out/Limited Creature Game Logic

Speaking of which...I think it's okay to have the occasional unskippable battle, or occasional battle arena where you have to beat them all to progress/do them all over if you run, but the devs sure don't. If the battles weren't simulations, it would make a lot of sense for them to be one after the other. Battles where you've got to do them all to make it through.

Since they're not real battles and are simulations you have to execute, it makes sense that you can come and go. But I don't think that's the order that concept was conceived in; instead I think the devs went "in order to allow the player to come and go at any time, we should make it so you only have to do the battles one by one, and a simulation would be great for that!" And the game really hand holds you with that. Most of Chadley's simulations have multiple battles in a row where you have to beat them all to proceed, but the ones in this sidequests are all individual battles with individual goals.

Now, I am all for accessibility and quality of life in gaming, and I really like that, for example, you can save basically everywhere now instead of needing a save point. But it's fine to remove a little bit of Quality of Life/Accessibility for a single sidequest where you face a battle gauntlet! I mean, the game already has points where it limits your access to Fast Travel so you have to progress the plot. And like I mentioned before, most of the Chadley battle simulations have multiple rounds too! Why not do that here, where you have to do the battles (at least the 4 simulation ones, I would be fine with stopping before the boss) before moving on? You can save right then and there! You're healed between battles too! It's okay to make things slightly less convenient sometimes for the sake of atmosphere! How cool/exciting would it be if Hojo set 4 rounds of monsters on you in a row, where you had to beat them all or game over? I'd love it. That would raise the stakes. And, it would make for a more unique atmosphere. But this isn't something that seems to be a high priority for Rebirth, which I find unfortunate.

(Sidenote, this happens with both gameplay and visuals. At least in the Cave of the Gi they had runestones instead of Jukeboxes... but they didn't bother to change the Jukebox in Vincent's room for some reason. Or to put it somewhere else if they didn't want to change the model. The jukebox and potion bench are so weird man. They kill the vibe made by the rest of the creepy basement full of coffins and candles. It's supposed to feel old and out of time, but the jukebox and bench ruin it.)

I could also see the argument that the devs made this a simulation rather than a real battle based on the logic that having an infinite number of monsters (for infinite tries to complete the objectives) makes less sense when they're real monsters rather than simulations, but I don't think that matters. This is a video game. There are already infinite monsters in the overworld. There can be infinite monsters here.

Finally, going back to the idea of stagger and time objectives from above...you could technically do those with real enemies too. Have it so Hojo will just send more monsters at you if you fail. Make it real Hojo instead of hologram AI Hojo. Or have the AI be able to detect that the enemies weren't staggered/killed in time! Now that I think about it, there are combat objectives against real enemies in the overworld, so they technically didn't need to make these battles part of a simulation for combat objectives. But I still feel strongly that these battles were made to be simulations instead of real battles for the sake of combat objectives.

Last Thoughts (for now!)

FFVII Rebirth has leaned very strongly into AI, simulation, and advanced technology that had not been conceived/wasn't in the public consciousness when the original was released. At times, the game wants to lean very hard into this new technology at the cost of the atmosphere that made the original so great. It's a different type of horror. A different type of creepy.

Being trapped in a virtual world can be terrifying, but it's a different type of terror to being trapped in the real world. Being killed by simulations sounds disturbing, but it's a different type of disturbing than being killed by real creatures. The writers may have done this because they felt it was an equivalent exchange (hehe), but for me at least, I find what the original did so much more striking.

Full disclaimer, I am not, and have never been, big into sci-fi. Remake and Rebirth lean into high tech sci-fi more than the OG did (which 100% had its own sci-fi aspects! I mean, the villain is an alien for starters, and the evil scientists' actions are central to the plot!), at the cost of some of the more down-to earth horror/other aspects of the original. I find this disappointing. It's a different choice that is sometimes really cool (ex. with so much technology it becomes much more obvious that Shinra has constant global surveillance, which is very distopian), but sometimes worse (ex. President Shinra only being a hologram rather than the real guy in Reactor No. 5 makes him seem a lot less cocky since he doesn't show up in person).

I think Shinra Manor as a whole has absolutely lost the atmosphere that made me love it so much in the original. It went from a grimy mansion to a sterile lab. Both are good settings for horror, but they just don't hit the same. This sidequest suffered from wanting to be part of that sterile high tech lab, instead of the low-tech horror of the original where people/Hojo seem(ed) to be playing god in much more material ways. Which is...a different point better left for another essay.

We'll see if I ever get to writing it, lol. For now I uh. Haven't actually finished the game. I have 91 hours and am only about an hour slash two sidequests into Chapter 12, but I haven't had much free time to continue. Hopefully this weekend I'll be able to push through some more!

[riftsmagic]

I want to enjoy this game so bad bc I paid money for it and I’ve invested 70 hours of my life into it already. but I’ve gotten to a point where it’s SO hard not to get critical every time anything happens. im losing it

[delulu-4-lewlew]

I've come to accept the fact that I'm going to lose years of my life to The Sims.