#I was retaking this year but the class I failed was during the first semester and I already validated the second one so since I already got

[bluepallilworld]

Dont you have classes at college tomorrow?

nah they got tired of me

[time-teller]

vent

[blooming-violets]

“You’re doing so well.”

"You're doing so well." || Inexperienced Smut Prompts

[tasm!Peter Parker x fem!reader]

Warnings: It's a smut prompt so you will be reading about two people fucking. Obviously.

“I can’t study Physics like this,” you whined. “We can’t do this here.”

Peter had taken it upon himself this semester to personally tutor you for your finals. He had developed an interest in you when you quietly shuffled into the seat beside him on your first day. He knew Physics was your least favorite subject and, if you failed, you’d have to retake the class again next year without him. Every week he would inch himself closer and closer to you during your sessions until, late one night, tucked away in his dorm room, you experienced both your first kiss and lost your virginity within the span of an hour. Peter knew how to manipulate your body in ways that made it impossible to ever want to stop. He could turn you from a studious, quietly reserved woman to a moaning, desperate whore in a matter of seconds. 

Tonight, he had you sat on his lap. Literally. He picked you up and placed you down wherever he saw fit. Your underwear had been torn down your legs and stuffed into his pocket the second you met him in the student lounge. There were no “hellos” or friendly greetings. You hadn’t even had time to remove your bag from your shoulder before you were being exposed to him. He knew what he wanted, when he wanted, and he didn’t care where it was. The student lounge was empty this Sunday evening, thankfully, but it still terrified you to be doing this in such a public area. You tried to encourage him to take you back to his dorm room but that was when he had pulled you onto his lap, ending the debate before it even started.  

Your legs straddled on either side of his thighs, your pleated skirt curtained over the two of you to hide what was happening underneath, though any college student who glanced this way would know exactly what was going on. Peter’s cock was buried inside of you as you faced him on the couch. Large, hard, and completely stretching you as far as your recently deflowered pussy could handle. His cock was the first thing you ever dared put inside of you and it wasn’t a small task. You had cried the first time he split you open despite how gentle he tried to be. Now, it felt almost at home buried between your folds, even if you were in a public area. Your brain was saying no but your body was screaming yes.

There were no thoughts inside of your head anymore. Only Peter and his cock. His hands brushed over your baby pink blouse, running along your spine, as he cooed in your ear, “Shh, baby, it’s alright. No one is going to see you. No one will see how much of a needy, little whore you are. Your secret is safe with me. I’ll know if anyone is headed this way. You just focus on the questions.” 

You shivered when you felt his cock twitch inside of you. Neither of you moved a muscle. Your eyes closed as your breath hitched in your throat, another whine whimpering from your lips, “Peter.”

“Come on,” he urged. “Answer the question I asked. You should have been listening.” 

His hands slipped to the front of your blouse, his fingers working to slowly undo every button. You held your breath, biting down on your bottom lip. You had no idea what he had said prior to sitting on his lap. He had been reading something out of the textbook leaning on the cushion beside him. He knew you weren’t listening. He enjoyed the turmoil he caused and liked watching your brain short circuit in his presence. 

Peter reached behind your open shirt to unhook your bra, giving him easy access to your chest, “If you don’t answer me, I’m going to remove your shirt and leave you completely topless…out in the open…where anyone could walk by at any moment…I wonder how embarrassing it would be if someone saw you like that? Imagine what they would think of you then?” 

You gave a sharp inhale, eyes widening in horror, “Please, don’t.” 

“Would it really be a shame if someone else saw these beautiful tits?” He raised the cups of your bra so he could admire your chest. “I can’t be the first person to have laid eyes on them. Surely someone else must have gotten there before me.” 

He knew damn well that no one had ever seen you naked before him. The wicked glint in his eye told you everything you needed to know. His teasing was nothing more than empty threats. Peter would rather die than share you with anyone.

You gave a bratty grumble and rested your forehead against his, “You’re a terrible, mean tutor.” 

A devilish smilish toyed on his lips, “Do you need me to repeat the question?” 

“Mhm,” you whined. 

His hand slipped under your loose bra to cup your breasts. He carefully pinched your nipple between his finger and thumb, brushing over it with small, fast flicks. 

Your eyes rolled into the back of your head and you inadvertently bucked your hips. The sudden movement on his cock caused a satisfied groan to rumble in the back of Peter’s throat. 

“Focus, baby.” He growled in your ear. “Don’t lose yourself. Not yet. Sit still.” 

The urge to wiggle your hips was too much. Your clit was aching, begging to be touched, desperate for any sort of friction. Your toes curled in your shoes as you repressed a whimper. 

“The question, Peter. Ask me the question again. I’ll be good.”

He nipped at the side of your jaw and mumbled the question against your skin, remembering the exact phrasing without even having to glance back at the book, “A charged particle traveling along the +x axis enters an electric field directed vertically upward along the +y-axis. If the charged particle experiences a force downward because of this field, what is the sign of the charge on this particle?” 

He was speaking a language foreign to you. All you could think about was how wonderful he felt inside of you and how all you wanted to do was move your hips.

When you took too long to answer, he responded by giving a hard tug on your nipple, causing you to flinch in pain. 

“Is the charge positive, negative, or neutral?” He began kneading your breast to help soothe out any pain he gave you. “Come on, pretty girl. You know this. Use that brain of yours for something other than cocksucking. If you get it right, I’ll give you a nice reward.” 

“I-” You tried to steady your breath. The fact that you had his dick inside of you in the middle of a public space didn’t even bother you anymore. All you wanted was for him to satisfy you. You didn’t care who saw. “Negative! It’s negative.”

A proud smile broke out across his face, lighting up his eyes, “Good girl! Now tell me why it’s negative and I’ll give you what I know you want.” 

“Nnghh,” words were becoming difficult to form. You couldn’t stop yourself from moving, just a little bit, to give your body what it needed. 

“Use your words, pretty girl, come on,” he chided you. 

“It’s…oh, god…it’s negative because positive charges in an-an electric field will have an electric force in the same direction as the field. And…negative…will be in the opposite direction…so…it-it’s negative because the charged particle experiences a force opposite to the electric field.” 

“That’s my smart girl. Let me show you how proud I am of you, baby.” He placed a quick peck to your lips before thrusting his hips upwards as you stifled a shocked yelp. 

You didn’t even know he could reach that deep. You felt like you could feel him bulging out your stomach. His hands left your chest to fall down around your hips, gripping them tightly, helping to move you with each small thrust. It wasn’t enough. He was dragging it out, still teasing you, wanting to make you work for it. If you wanted to give your body what it needed, you would need to take control. 

You braced your hands on his shoulders for better leverage and began to ride him. Your pace grew from soft, little thrusts to long, hard strokes, finding a steady rhythm. Tears blurred your vision at the overwhelming sensations of how exceptional he felt. The wait was almost too much but now there was no stopping you. 

Peter’s head had fallen back against the couch cushions, his eyes closed, “Fuck, that’s good.” 

You responded with a quiet whimper, nuzzling your face into his cheek to try to get his attention back on your face, “I want to be good for you.” 

He opened his eyes to give you a soft smile, murmuring against your puckered lips, “You’re always so good for me, babygirl.” His slights gazed down to watch as you rose and fell over him, impaling his cock into you. He liked to watch it disappear, liked to watch as you took it all, every last millimeter like the good girl you were. “That’s it. Take it all. You’re so tight, babe. So tight for me.” 

You couldn’t do anything except chase the divine sensations rolling through your body. The pleasure rippled through you, the knot tightening in your stomach. With every thrust, you were closer to the finish line. It didn’t take much for you to get there. Everything still felt so new, so fresh, that every sensation sent you spiraling. Peter’s hands tangled in your hair, gripping onto the back of your head, as he pulled you close against his chest. Quiet sobs racked through your body. You felt silly for crying over how good his cock felt but you couldn’t stop. He reduced you to a shaking, shivering, sobbing mess in a matter of seconds. 

“Shh,” his soothing voice whispered in your ear. “It’s okay, pretty girl. You’re doing so good for me. You’re doing so well. That’s it. Just take a little bit more. We’re almost there. I’ve got you.” 

Peter took over, moving his hips, filling you to your core. He switched his pace from yours. Instead of your frenzied, jerking thrusts, he penetrated you with a slow, deliberate intensity. He cupped your cheeks, drawing your attention to him. 

“Kiss me,” he whispered in a husky, low tone. 

Your nose brushed against his soft skin as your lips crashed onto him. Your tongue pried open his mouth and slipped past his lips to tangle with his. You grabbed fistfulls of his shaggy hair, moaning into his mouth, panting, getting dizzy from the lack of oxygen. It didn’t matter if you passed out. It didn’t matter if anyone saw you. It didn’t matter if you failed your class. All that mattered was Peter Parker and the way he lit a fire between your thighs. 

You could feel your climax growing, Peter’s too. His rhythm sped up. The quiet, needy whines in the back of his throat got lost under your own whimpers. The swell of his cock twitched inside of you. He gripped onto you so tightly like he was terrified of you disappearing from his grasp at such a pivotal moment. 

“Be a good girl and come for me,” he gasped out between heavy breaths. “Let me feel you.” 

You rested your forehead against his sweaty one, gazing through half closed lids at him, taking in every look of needy desperation that flashed across his features. He wanted you just as much as you wanted him. His words were all you needed to let yourself go. 

Your climax washed through you like a tsunami, overwhelming your senses, and sweeping you away in a whirling maelstrom of pleasure. A scream got caught in the back of your throat, burying your face against his shoulder in an attempt to keep it from escaping. Somewhere, in the back of your blissed out brain, you remembered that you were still inside the student lounge. 

The sensations of your sex spasming and squeezing around his cock was exactly what Peter needed to finish. He wrapped his arms tight around your waist and forced your body down as he thrust up his hips, making sure he was entirely buried inside of you, as he erupted. Spurt after spurt of hot cum emptied into your waiting cunt. 

“Ah,” you whimper, hiding your face into his neck, the tears spilling freely down your cheeks now. “Oh, Peter. Yes, yes, yes. You feel so good.” 

Your arms felt numb and tingly, your head spun and your vision blurred. You had to actively remember to breathe or else you’d fail to do so. You tried to squeeze out everything he had to give you, feeling him throbbing inside of you, twitching as a shiver shot through your body. You adored how he felt without a condom. It felt raw and real like this was how it was supposed to happen. The night you gave him your virginity, he had used one, but once you started taking birth control, you had asked him to stop. You wanted to feel every part of him, wanted him to live inside of you. He was the kind of person who shouldn’t ever be covered up. 

You stayed wrapped around him, safe in his arms, as you came down from you high. Peter traced lazy lines up and down your spine while you focused on your breathing. You felt like your body was glowing, brighter than the sun, and ready to float away. It would give a shudder every so often as his cock softened inside of you until you finally lifted yourself from his lap. If you weren’t the first one to move, you two would never untangle yourselves. Peter never moved away until you did. He always followed your lead. You often wondered if he would hold you forever if you never pulled away. One day, maybe you would test that theory. 

You could feel parts of him dripping down your inner thigh as you rose onto shaky legs. You hurried to fix your bra and button your shirt back up. Peter made no attempts to get off the couch, his softening cock resting against his thigh, a large wet spot made by you damping his pants. He gazed up at you, admiring your body while you tried to make yourself presentable again. 

“You know we’re not finished, right?” He asked, raising his brows in amusement. “We went over one, single question. You have an entire chapter to get through.” 

Your mouth fell open in shock, gasping in his direction, the realization setting in, “But-”

“But what? I told you I was going to help you pass this test. We still have work to do.” His mischievous smile grew. “Sit back down.” 

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

wibta if i refused to help my classmates going forward?

i am in university for a science degree. i have been struggling for almost my entire degree due to undiagnosed ADHD and autism, as well as my habit from grade school of working myself too hard. i went into burnout from 2020-2022 and failed most courses i took. i had to cut down on my work significantly so i could stay in university and finish my degree. it's been 5 years and i'm just over halfway finished. the end's not in sight yet, but it's getting there.

this semester, i'm taking two courses that i've struggled in previously and am retaking actually. the term will most likely be over once this is posted. one i've finished twice but didn't have a high enough grade to move forward (chemistry) and the other i've dropped 2 times before to avoid failing (calculus). the subject areas might give more context, and my chemistry course isn't introductory. they're also notoriously very difficult, and most people end up retaking this chemistry course several times. they're both needed for my degree and a similar degree. someone in both classes (2 different people) made group chats specifically so we could help each other. at first it was a very good idea, and i myself benefitted from them, managing to get a really high mark on a math assignment because of the group chat and sharing our work/processes.

this term is the one term we have a mid-semester break, and while the details are irrelevant here, i went away during this break, and i came back in a fairly poor mental state. i didn't want to share my work anymore, and said i was uncomfortable doing so. this got me mocked (i believe, but no one's commented on it or said anything to me about it) in my math class group chat when i asked for the notes after having to leave class early due to the noise. i have misophonia, and i was incredibly close to shouting "shut the fuck up" one say when they honestly just wouldn't stop talking. it's been a problem this term in this class where several groups in the class have been chatting amongst themselves during lecture. my friend (i think we're friends?) emailed our professor (i think i was named in the email), and he addressed the class about it, but as a whole, has told me directly that there wasn't much else he could do about it since they might be talking to each other to understand better.

at this point, there's only about 3 weeks left of classes and then finals, so it's not worth dropping out, especially since i don't think i'm in danger of failing. but that was all kind of just background info. it's been a rough semester for me.

in my chemistry class, we have weekly lab reports. they aren't huge, 10+ page reports, and i can usually do them in about 2-3 hours of work total. i usually work on them in small pieces throughout the week, so i can focus on other assignments as well as lectures. they're due at the beginning of lab, and we have lab on friday afternoons. this wouldn't be an issue if not for thursdays.

at the beginning of the semester, i made myself kinda known as Someone Who Has Answers. i like to help people when they're struggling, and i know that these are difficult classes, and i have past experience taking them with these instructors specifically, so i helped in any which way i could. after our mid-semester break, i was in no mood to help anyone. but on thursday evenings and friday mornings, i would get text messages from a few people asking me about the lab report. but not just a few messages. i would get asked on EVERY BIT of the lab report. i try to be patient, as i understand hidden struggles. but i was at the end of my rope. i never snapped, and i always tried to help them, but sometimes i was very frustrated because on thursdays, i have 2 classes (doesn't sound like a lot, but at my school, my lectures are 2-3 hours long, so it's about 5 hours total of lectures) at two different campuses, so i leave at about 7:30am and get home at about 5:30-6:00pm. it's my night to clean the kitchen as well, so my patience is very thin at the end of the day. i never agreed to help them, and they are texting me. i don't know how to tell them "i'm in no mood to help" but it made me so upset to the point that i was saying that next semester, i wouldn't give my number to anyone. i'm not a tutor, and i'm struggling to stay afloat myself in these classes. i don't have all of the answers, and tbh i'm not even confident on most of my answers. i've tried to make this clear, but they still come to me for help. next semester, i'm retaking ANOTHER course that i failed (not failed, but didn't get a high enough mark to move forward) and i honestly feel like a dick for not helping when i could and should help.

this is probably a nonissue tbh. i'm on the verge of dropping out myself because i took on too much this semester and this just kinda feels like it's all more than i can handle.

What are these acronyms?

[lilith-little-world]

Sneak Peek of Chapter One|| The Isekai’d Oracle||

This is very short and I will be posting more sneak peeks of the wip chapter and drawings of possible spoilers for future scenes. For clarification, this is a Sun Wukong x Reader, for each chapter my minimum word count is around 10k words, usually, I try to push for 20k. The most I had done is over 50k words for a chapter (still fucking proud of that). It may take a while tho. I will upload the story on Ao3, Wattpad, or both.

Also, this will be unedited and will have a lot of grammar mistakes. There are going to be huge or small changes when the finalized chapter, comes out. So enjoy the first part of the first chapter.

Summary: The reader was pushed beyond her breaking-point, and wishes for a new life. Not knowing, it had set in stone her destiny. Thrown into the world of the Lego Monkie Kid, she earns the title, “Fated Oracle”, who has returned to give her guidance. The bad news, she doesn't have a clue what's happening and regrets ever wanting a new life. Yet she decides not to change the ending but change the path towards it. Will she succeed in not having everyone go threw angst? Is it possible that the Monkey King will not fuck over any new friendships and have everyone mad at him? Let's find out if our precious reader makes the story all fluff or have it ruined by angst and pain.

The campus was busy as any other day. Students walked to their classes, and clubs doing activities or talking to their friends, everyone was enjoying their sunny and bright day. Then there was you, stuck in the campus library, quietly crying. Shame and embarrassment never hit you. Is it so bad to have a break from the constant shit the world dumps on you? Apparently, it is.

The students ignore your display of raw emotions. Nothing new, many students before you, would seek the endless bookshelves. To have a spot to cry in. It's the only area on this campus where the possibility of some alone time exists, even though it was public. 

When was the last time you took a break and just be yourself?

You sob while watching an animated show on your barely working laptop. The only thing comforting you on this terrible day. The 2D Lego characters act out the ending of the series. Well, for now, as the foreshadowing of season 4 plays. It had been a while since you had last seen the show. Rather busy with the fuckery of this year. You close the laptop when the screen fades to black. You stare at a random corner, letting your mind think.

The current enemy.

Earlier in the school year, you made sure to be on top of your classes and get good grades, only to fail. How did things get so bad? You did everything right, and chose the “correct path”. So, why isn't everything working out? 

A few faces pop into your head, almost in a taunting way. Of people, you can blame this unfair situation you’re in. Yet you didn't have the heart to do so. Still, your infuriated mind replays the memories of how this mess came to be. 

Midway into the first half of the semester, your parents had gotten sick with the flu. Sadly, you were the only child that had “enough spare time” to take care of them. It made you miss a few in-person tests during that small period but nothing your overall grade couldn't deal with.

Luckily, your parents had gotten better, soon after. The moment they were in stable condition, you had already packed your bags. Ready to go back to the college campus. Then life decided that it didn't hit you hard enough. 

Consequently, your mother had gotten into a small accident at work. The day you were planning to leave. Luckily, it wasn't anything serious, yet somehow, your help was once again needed.

However, what got you upset the most, is how the professors weren't sympathetic to your current situation. Refusing to allow you to retake the tests or projects. Next thing you know, the zeros started to pile up and destroyed your once-good grades. Even though you tried to stay on top of the online work or trying to be part of the group projects yet it wasn't enough. So now you're failing the whole semester because a sorry excuse for a professor wanted to be an asshole.

This was going to be your last year, but that isn't the case anymore. Worse, you don't have enough money left to redo the semester. Dealing with your family and school was stressful enough, but what took the icing on the cake was that you had to work during all this. Being a server for some rundown diner, working late nights. You went beyond your limit and still kept pushing forward. Naively thinking that things would have gotten better. 

You tried, and you failed.

What a cruel joke that is being played on you. If only something can whisk you away so you don't have to worry about this anymore. This isn't even the major you wanted to take but had done it to please your parents. Wasting your time on this damn absurdity, trying to play it safe. All because it was the “right path” to choose. Now here you are crying in a damn public library because you ruined your life. If only some greater power takes mercy on you and gives you a new life. A new start.

Then you'll make your own path to choose.

“Hehe, as if someone can be that generous.” You said to yourself. Closing your eyes, taking a breath. 

“I don't have time for this. I already wasted enough. I need to be at work soon.”

Quickly pulling yourself together, you put away the laptop in your bag. The world doesn't stop spinning for anyone, after all. Anyway, you can always postpone a good cry for later and you can rewatch the series anytime.

The sun was setting, bringing the cold night. You shiver from the cold winds, regretting not bringing a jacket. Regardless, being cold or not, you waited at the bus stop around the corner. A few others wait along. The minutes pass by longer than usual. Cursing to yourself when you realize the bus is going to be a few minutes late. Another misfortune event on this godfucking day.

The sound of loud rumbling breaks your negative mood. The bus slowly came to a stop, the brakes hissing. A part of you wanted to say fuck it and not go to work today. Nevertheless, your body automatically steps in and shows your bus pass. Already have the actions mesmerized.

‘Guess it won't hurt to be on autopilot.’

That quickly, you zoned out and let your body lead. Only to check in when noticing your stop and putting your bag in the break room. 

You put a black collared shirt on top of yours. Getting a hair tie out, you pull your hair back to a semi-high ponytail. It wasn't much but was better than being yelled at for not having it up.

“Alright, time to work and suck up.” You said, mentally preparing yourself.

This job was okay, depending on the night it was going to be. Either the diner is extremely busy or dead, and both are horrendous. Be stuck with countless people and their orders or have nothing to do for hours and get paid less for it.

You really need to find a better job.

“Come on sweet cheeks, customers are waiting already.” 

Not caring to give a response to the head chef. Getting the menus, you put on your best smile.

“Hi, welcome, hope your evening is going great! What drinks do you want?”

You scribble down and go back to the counter, getting the drinks on the tray. The bell on the door jingles, letting you know that more customers have arrived. 

‘It’s going to be a busy night, huh?’

The small restaurants slowly fill up, soon getting cramped. Luckily, other servers showed up so you didn't have to serve every customer. 

“Hey, it's your turn to clean the restrooms.”

 

“I'm a little busy doing my job.” 

Your coworker scowls.

“They can wait a minute or two. The restrooms can not.”

“That isn't my fault, Tom. My job was to wait tables, not clean the restroom. Also, we both know the customers can't for a goddamn second.”

You had never been on good terms with your coworkers. Since you like to mind your own business. Regardless, this person standing in front of you was just rude. Thinking he can boss you around.

“Yes but it's your turn to clean the restrooms.”

“Which I know, and I'll do it after I finish serving this table. You know since that's my job that I'm getting paid for, so it takes priority.”

The chef rings a bell. Tom just smirks at you. Rolling your eyes, you get the plates.

“Remember straight to the restrooms.” He said a little too cheerfully.

You hold back your groan and put on a smile. Placing the plates on the table with a group of people around your age. They chat away, talking about plans or stories. The atmosphere was warm and welcoming. You nearly get lost in it before remembering your job.

“Is that all?” 

They nod, not paying attention to your presence. You glance at the clock on the wall. Your shift was coming to an end soon.

‘Better get to the restrooms before Tom has an aneurysm.’

The restrooms weren't even messy. People would rather not use the small area, so it didn't get too dirty. You just swept and mopped, making the room smell pleasant. Didn't even take long before you finished. 

“Can't believe Tom made such a big deal out of this. I get that some people just like to be pricks but meeting so many in my life seems overkill.” You said to yourself while taking the bag out of the trash cans.

“Bet that fucker is having a good laugh. Hope he does, at least one of us is enjoying our night.” You dumped the dirty mop water down the toilet. 

Now you can end this night and go home. The broom and mop go back to the janitor's closet and take the bags out back. You stop and look at the employee parking. Tom had been bragging about his new car. You slowly walk to it, getting a good look. The car was nice, new, and clean. It also seems he left the door unlocked.

“Fuck it.”

You open the door and tore the bags open. The dirty toilet paper covered the seats. You left the bag there and shut the door. Trapping the putrid smell. A genuine smile finally stretched across your face. Entering back into the establishment, humming. You went to the break room and grabbed your bag. Pulling out your phone and headphones. Ignoring the other coworkers who were on break.

“What got you in a good mood? You looked like you were about to shit your pants when we talked.”

“Oh, I just saw a funny scene out in the employee's parking lot. Some bozo got their car trashed.” You said vaguely, glancing at the man whose face turned pale. He immediately ran out of the room. 

“Well see you all later, hopefully not.”

You left the restaurant before the chaos exploded. Only halfway on your trip back home when you finally got a phone call from your boss. You ignored it and tried to enjoy the bus ride. 

There weren't many people there. Good, you never liked how these things get so crowded. The bus was oddly going a little faster than usual. You didn't question it, trying to focus on your phone. Scrolling through your feed, until your screen starts to glitch, and words appear.

Welcome back…

There was a loud screeching that tore the air. As the world became a blurry mess. 

[amarantine-amirite]

Texts from the Future

Everybody has been asked this question at least once in their lifetime: where do you see yourself in 5 years?

No two people have the same answer, but in truth, the best way to respond is to say the following: it's very hard to know what will happen in 5 years given how quickly the world changes these days. Usually, it’s best to follow up with an example of contenders for the next biggest thing in 5 years. This example can vary from year to year.

When you think about it, that question about where you see yourself in 5 years is guesswork with extra steps. The vaguest guests are the best ones. Anything too specific, and you will have guessed wrong.

I’m lucky. Instead of guessing, I can just check my phone. I've gotten all these notifications dated 5 years into the future. At first, I thought it was a glitch of some sort, but it's really an interesting story.

Like the ideal response to the five-year question, the notifications my phone gives me are vague. I’ve only received five, dated a year apart. You have done something you previously felt was impossible. You have dodged a bullet. You have gone on a trip. You are in for a surprise. Wake up.

I ignored them at first. I thought it was a joke. It took me the full five years to discover what it all meant.

The first one was easy. I graduated high school and began to do my core courses for college over the summer. Both of those things felt impossible.

The second one came as a bit of a surprise, and not a good surprise. During my second semester, I discovered that I failed fall term discrete mathematics because my course notes were to be submitted for credit. Notes with messy handwriting were marked incomplete because they couldn’t be digitized for automatic grading. Thankfully, it didn’t matter. The degree requirements for my major changed, and the DM course no longer impacted my academic standing. I got an internship at Apple and it was smooth sailing for the rest of the summer

You would have had to stick your head in a bucket to miss the third one. I did my fall semester abroad in Spain. 

I discovered just how unpleasant the surprise was. What was supposed to be my last year ended up being my second last year, and where things started to sour.

First, the university dismissed the entire physics department, forcing me to transfer to computer science. Since that discrete mathematics course that I failed was now a requirement, I had to retake discrete mathematics. Halfway through the term, the instructor died of a superbug and the department couldn’t find anyone else to teach the class. That meant they eliminated the course.

I had to meet with an academic advisor to rectify the problem. Once I explained to her what happened, she didn’t believe me. She leaned over and asked, “Now, were the last five years a dream?”

“They were until they became a nightmare,” I responded. 

The academic advisor shook her head. “That’s not what I mean,” she continued, “Like, did everything that happened in the last five years happen for real or are you dreaming?”

“What the hell are you talking about?” I said, taken aback.

She quickly answered my question. She mentioned that there have been reports that victims of torture, during the act, would retreat into a fantasy world from which they could not wake up. In this catatonic state, the victim lived in a world where their life went great.  

The only way that they realized they needed to wake up was a string of things going catastrophically wrong that led them to some sort of reminder within their fantasy world which would tell them the truth. Even then, it would often take months before they were ready to discard their fantasy world and wake up.

Now, I assumed she was either full of shit or making stuff up to get me to leave. Either way, it wasn’t helpful. 

Today was the day I finally woke up.

source

[bigboysteveharrington]

I wholeheartedly believe gym is one of the classes Eddie had to retake term after term and year after year. And every year, he’s convinced this is going to be the year he’s actually going to scrape by and at the very least not have to take gym again, even if he is stuck coming back for another year

And the thing is, he could fully pass gym if he just showed up and changed and participated and he knows that, but the whole thing feels like torture

So every year it starts off as just I’ll just smoke one cigarette and go to class late and then it’ll be less to endure. And then he’s dreading it and as slow as possible and then oops he’s already missed this much, may as well just skip the rest. It’s not like missing one class is going to fail him. And then it’s fine I missed last time so I’ll go, but I’m not changing and I’m just sitting on the bleachers

And then it’s that he showed up late and fully planned on changing and at least pretending to participate, but turning right back around and leaving after getting two steps in and finding out they’re doing basketball and the douchebags on the team are clearly way too into it and nope, not happening. And they’re probably going to be doing it all week, so he’s just going to miss the week and then he’ll come back next week and see what they’re doing then and he’ll actually change and look like he’s trying and everything will be fine

And then he shows up after a week off and changes and vaguely walks around during dodgeball enough to look like he’s trying and okay the jock assholes hit him with like 20 balls and definitely were aiming for the head and he’s pissed off, but at least every time they decide to all aim for him at the same time, at least he gets to sit on the sidelines for a wild. But then at the end of class, he still gets pulled aside and warned that he’s already failing and if he wants to stand any chance at passing this time, he needs to start showing up on time and changing and actually trying every day. And he’s pissed but he still convinced himself he’s going to show up and endure it to get through, but then the next day guess who’s smoking in the bathroom for the first ten minutes of class. And he figures they’re playing dodgeball all week and he’s already going to be in shit for being late so he may as well just skip for the day and have one less day of the assholes ganging up on him. One more day isn’t going to be the deciding factor on if he’ll fail or not. And then one day becomes two becomes three becomes the rest of the week. And when he goes back late the next week, he finds out just how low his mark is. And soon it’s well if I’m failing again this year anyway, there’s no way I’m going and sitting through a single class more. I’ll just try again next semester and then I’ll actually show up and do enough to make it through

Steve is unbearable when he finds out that gym is one of the classes he’s still left dragging himself through again. He’s not trying to be an asshole, but gym is the one class he didn’t just barely scrape by in. And sure, gym was easy for him and the one class he actually enjoyed, but that’s not the only reason he’s so incredulous about this information. He’s like “How do you fail gym? Don’t do you just have a o show up to pass?

And that’s mostly true, but Eddie has absolutely zero patience to listen to it or justify how he keeps screwing it up every time while he’s just hoping he’s forced himself to show up enough times for gym not to be the one thing that prevents him from graduating after taking it over semester after semester for three years straight

[duckiemimi]

Mimi how did you get the idea for Honesty Corner? What made you write it was it inspired by something?

omg!! i’ve been meaning to talk about this, so thank u so much for asking!!!

i wrote “honesty corner” as a classic, cheesy rom-comish type of story and initially, i didn’t intend for it to be serious. i was actually very surprised when people actually started reading it bc it was only my second published fic and i was pretty new to posting on ao3. (i was a lil embarrassed too,,,,i wasn’t very confident with my writing at the time.) it started out stream of consciousness (under sleep-med high; i wasn’t doing well when i first started writing it), so my first drafts were horrendous. then i went back and edited a couple times before and after posting each chapter, but i still think i can do better, so i’m gradually rewriting it—no plot changes, just a change in writing style! i love this au so much that i’m dedicating time to making it better!

i actually had the concept down a year before writing. i wasn’t doing the best then, so visualizing the story from start to finish was my way of escapism. at the time, i was reading a lot of college-setting bl manhwas and manhuas, too, like “semantic error” and “here u are,” and i had just graduated college and was unemployed during covid (womp womp). i also failed my professional ethics class at one point, soooo,,,(in my defense, attendance is a stupid formality, like i’m paying for these classes,,,i had to pay again to retake it as the only class in my last semester, fuck capitalism, fuck the system) and i loveee a good college au, so i said, “why not!”

as with any other happy jjk fic, it was written to be a fix-it au where everyone ends up less traumatized than they did in canon :’) if u can’t tell, i’m very, very, veryyy into characterization and character studies, so it started out with me playing with the idea of no-curse au geto and gojo as college students, and i worked my way up from there. i had them meet in a professional ethics class (bc the letter E in my semester grades fucking stung, u know what that shit does to a gpa???) and bc it was inline with their conversation about power and ethics in hidden inventory, so very fun times, very fun times

all of the characterizations in “honesty corner” is my take on their canon ones but in a non-jujutsu setting. their main conflict, as is with canon, is their (annoying) communication skills. i didn’t make toji be the reason of their fight (bc he deserves to be happy here, too), but i made it mahito bc he’s the embodiment of hatred and all things negative in the series, and i thought it worked with geto’s thought process throughout the story. i also had fun humanizing mahito, bc ppl like him exist irl and they’re just as human, even if they’re assholes. (i had a one-shot of “honesty corner” mahito in my drafts, but i’ll have to clean it up first if i ever post it.)

it was fun writing sjw-keyboard-warrior geto (who almost gets it right, but his judgmental tendencies and his “i’m the most correct” mindset keep him from really looking at things the way they are) and nepo baby gojo (who doesn’t give a fuck about any of the -isms, but never acknowledges the absolute privilege he was born into bc he’s so out of touch) and it was fun exploring how they become better people and a better couple in the “honesty corner” sequels. icb they’re almost getting married! if i ever get the last chapter of “and then, home” done, then u’ll see them be married, heh

(i’m kidding it’s in my drafts dw)

but yeah!!

tl:dr

i had too much time on my hands and i love a good college au.

(funfact: i wrote “punishment for a monster” in the middle of writing “honesty corner” and it felt like a plunge into deep, dark waters.)

[xxhanachanxx]

🥂🎊💋can we stay up all night~

Fuck a jetlag~

So, um… there’s so much that I have to say regarding what I’ve been through throughout this entire year - as I’ve said before, and making fun art aside, 2022 was a shitshow for me. What was it that made me back out with fulfilling my expectations and projects that never happened this year? I’ve had my fair share of speaking about focusing on my college classes and personal life, and trying to do better before, and I know you guys have been appreciative of me in putting that first before art, but where I had to step away from everything and being myself for a bit was taking and retaking intermediate calculus to the point I’ve never felt the same ever since the first attempt in taking it and failed. (Instead of having the post filled with a lot of text and overwhelm everybody, I encourage you to click on the “Keep reading” tab - tl;dr: there’s a happy ending, I’m my happy and normal self again (...at least for now-), and I did this drawing for the sake of my self-indulgence~)

Let the tangent begin - at that point during the pandemic and with taking online classes before going back on campus in late 2021, I was an absolute perfectionist in making sure that I can be able to pass my classes - taking a calculus I class back in spring 2021 was my first math class after taking precalculus/trigonometry back in spring 2020, and there was stress building up on me whether I would fail or succeed at it. I got a B in that class, and I would take calc II over the summer for 8 weeks afterwards; that class was even stressful with me doing classwork nonstop and no free time for me whatsoever, and as I thought that I did pretty badly with the performance I had in that class, I passed with a C! And then calc III came around that fall, and my first attempt was bad; some stuff in my personal life was eating me up and I’ve been too focused on getting things done for other classes. And when I had my second attempt in that class back in spring of this year, I made sure that I wouldn’t fail again but oh was I wrong - stress and focusing on other classes were eating me up again, and I failed again. Leading to my third and final attempt, I took everything steadily for this year’s fall semester and I truly made it clear that I will pass calc III; there were a few bumpy roads, but in the end… once my final exam for the class got graded, and went to go on Canvas to see that my overall grade for the class was a D, I was iffy for a few seconds and then I check my grades in my student services for the college I go to just to see that my final grade for calc III for that semester was a C! I’m happy that I finally passed, and I’m beyond fortunate to at least get a happy ending after a shitty year! So yeah, if you’re wondering why I haven’t been my happy and usual self, I kept retaking calc III to the point it drained me and made me question how to move forward with me majoring in mathematics (I really don't know how much I would talk about this kind of stuff, but I do need to take it easy and limit myself)! And for the time being, I’m going to celebrate passing the class with some R&R after carrying the bs on my back and self-indulgence! 😌💅🏼

Alrighty moving on from all of that, onto the drawing! Well, self-indulgence aside, I may or may not have been contemplating drawing this for a while now, and I just want to try capturing the happiness and celebration of what I’ve been feeling lately - and given the fact that last year’s New Years drawing was done on FireAlpaca and you guys enjoyed it, I figured that I should do it again, and it’s for the best anyway as I need to get end-of-the-year projects done instead of getting this (…and another drawing 👀) finalized! One thing’s for sure, I’ve at least fulfilled my promise in getting out of my comfort zone by sharing drawings done in FireAlpaca instead of doing full rendering on SAI this year - thank you for that! 💖

And most importantly, and maybe I should try getting out of my comfort zone to say ‘thank you’ more, despite everything I’ve been through, with love and gratitude I’m forever grateful for the support and appreciation you’ve given me and my content; thank you for taking your time and day in acknowledging and appreciating with what I can do - to my followers, friends, and mutuals, this one’s for you!

And that’s all I have to say - so so long 2022, you nasty fuck! Hoping that 2023 will come with and give us all greater things and happiness! Here’s to 2023, thank you so much for everything~ ♡♡♡

[mikarchive2]

i hope you make it with that math final, you have two more tries!! i literally do NOT get it why is the semester so chill and then finals just kill you 😭 sad thing is i passed all my other finals with ease its just this one im having trouble with and its the ONLY subject that i cant retake next year bc if i dont make it this semester i cant take two more subjects in the next and then i dont have enough credit to continue and have to drop out��� i hope we both find our path in the end, because despite maybe failing, i am set on applying to another uni and try again with something else (teaching maybe bc apart from doctors those are the only ppl who get paid well in this hell country💕 /j) everything will be okay in the end for both of us and instead of feeling down, lets treat this as just another thing that happened and not the end of the world haha. sending love🤍

thats how it works here with my classes too its so strange ! 'if you fail this class we wont kick you out but also theres literally no point in studying during the second semester because you cant continue after your first year' ... like . ok ? im sort of grateful for it though cause it means you can reap the benefits of being a student while not going to school at all for like three months 👍 ... im also looking into other majors, considering library science, but i might just drop out and take a gap year instead honestly 💀 whatever happens im sure it will be fine we are young and learning how to live etc. ... + i think teaching is always a very safe choice as long as you find fulfillment in it, good luck ❣️🫂

[twomanyfandomshelp]

This turned out to be way longer than I expected, rant/vent (I have no idea what the difference is) under the cut.

I was put into my school’s gifted program in the first grade. Throughout elementary school, I was pulled out of classes and taught more advanced math and language arts in separate rooms.

When I got to middle school, the gifted kids were in a separate hallway and the only time we interacted with the non-gifted kids was during our connections (noncore classes, mine were chorus and theater).

In high school, the classes are separated into gifted/honors and college prep aka cp (fancy way of saying not gifted). The gifted classes are considered harder than cp because we typically have faster paced lessons, harder tests, and learn more material. Even my Spanish class was gifted/honors. The only class where I interact with non-gifted kids is theater.

The way that our school system is set up, separating the gifted kids from everyone else, can be very isolating and dividing. A lot of gifted kids think they’re better than the other students because that’s what they’ve been told since elementary school, and a lot of the other students hate gifted kids because they think we get special treatment.

The summer before I started high school, me, my parents, and one of our really good family friends who was an assistant principal sat down and wrote out my schedule for all four years of high school, including every club I should be in, and by the end of high school I’m supposed to have taken 13 AP classes.

Sophomore year was the first year I started to struggle. I struggled with motivation to do schoolwork, as soon as I got home I just wanted to do nothing because I was so burnt out and exhausted. When I would try to do homework I would just get distracted and forget. In language arts, I struggled with writing because I just wasn’t interested in the topics we had to write about.

The math class I took was a combination of advanced algebra two and AP precal, where we learned algebra two the first semester and AP precal the second semester. The first semester was easy because I had already learned everything the year before. But when second semester came around, I didn’t understand one crucial lesson that everything was built on and it all came crashing down. The first test that semester, I got a 64, and I literally had a breakdown on my bedroom floor. For so long, so much of my worth had been tied to doing well in school and being the smart kid. But I had no idea how to study. I had no idea how to take notes that worked for me. Because I was so used to listening to the lesson, watching a couple practice problems, and being able to do any problem I was given. I had no idea how to help myself.

But I didn’t want to ask for help, because that felt like admitting that I wasn’t good enough anymore, wasn’t smart enough anymore, wasn’t enough anymore. So I just taught myself. And I got a 92 on the retake.

Later that semester, I failed another math test. And, once again, I had a breakdown, sobbing on my bedroom floor. The only difference this time was that my mom walked in. And when she asked why I was crying, that just made me cry more. She comforted me, and reassured me that I was more than one bad test grade, but school, and math in particular, was supposed to be the thing I was best at. My dad’s a math teacher for crying out loud. I was so used to acing every test and being the best that failing absolutely destroyed my sense of selfworth and confidence. I had to rebuild it from the ground up.

And that part of me is still there. Still screaming that I have to do well in school and I have to make my parents and teachers proud.

Everyone in my life is always bragging about my grades and how smart I am and how well I do in school. They don’t mean to put pressure on me, but it can be too much sometimes. I know they mean well, and they’re just trying to show that they’re proud of me, but it just resulted in my brain thinking I have to do well in school to be worthy of praise, and that if I didn’t do well I would be a failure or not worth anything.

There’s also the fact that my parents are always talking about college, and I want to be a doctor, so I need to have good grades and take hard classes and be in a lot of clubs in order to get into a good college so I can get into medical school. And it’s terrifying to think about how close all of that is. Sometimes I wish I could just go back to elementary school, when being gifted just meant getting pulled out of class and getting to do fun activities that the rest of the students didn’t. But I can’t. And now I’m stuck in high school, where gifted means you’re expected to take all these AP classes and do dual enrollment and have your future all planned out. But I don’t. And it’s terrifying. Everyone’s always saying, enjoy high school, have fun, make friends, and do the things you want to do. But then everyone is also saying that you have to do well if you want to get into a good college and have a successful career and a fulfilling life.

I’m trying to do better. I really am. But it’s hard when you’ve been praised for something your whole life and then suddenly you can’t really do that thing anymore.

I’m going into my junior year soon. I’m taking five AP classes, I’m the president of two clubs, and I’m terrified. I’m worried about my lack of motivation. I’m worried about everything just becoming too much. I’m worried that I’ll have no idea what to do. But I’m just going to do my best. Because that’s all I really can do.

people misunderstand what ‘gifted kid’ actually means but it’s ok it’s fine it’s cool it’s good

[torisvetlife]

not sure what I am doing, but I want to try

I'm a vet student but I have been severely struggling since I began this degree. I've had to repeat 2 courses and I discontinued my studies for a year due to mental health. The year passed and I am no better. Next year I'll be retaking a course I failed this year and it is my last shot at this degree and I am terrified.

I'm not just struggling with my studies, my personal life is in shambles as well.

I feel like everything began to go downhill when the pandemic started. Pre-COVID, I was still in undergrad and I was so passionate and hardworking, I never took a break. I juggled classes, part-time job (that I did more like full-time) and research projects. My plate was always full-to-overflowing and I had to sneak in breaks for reading, watching tv/movies and just relaxing. It was stressful but after years of functioning that way, it was my normal and more importantly, I was productive. I was good at my job, school was okay (could've been better) and I did really well in my research. I did feel overworked but I was still having productive results in my life.

Then COVID happened. And I was also done with undergrad by then. So, I was locked indoors, with too much time on my hands and a huge repressed depression that I kept at bay by constantly moving. I feel like since COVID, I've lost my passion, my dedication, my discipline. But it didn't happen all at once. At the beginning, I had veterinary school applications to keep me occupied; essays to write and references to get. It kind of started going downhill when I got accepted into vet school.

First year was online and I did not adapt well. I made the mistake of continuing my work with my school work, as if grad school isn't on another level entirely. And just juggling the lectures, pracs, tutorials, study time with work and sleep, it was hell. The university I attend also has a completely different way of grading and testing than what I was used to so I did not test well. I even tried group study meetings, ended up teaching my classmates easy ways to remember things, and still would perform worse than them. It was a blow to my self-perception. And it only got worse when I failed. It meant I had to wait another year to try again. I didn't let it get to me, though. I was hell bent on trying again, so I did.

This time, it was no longer online. I moved from home and into a dorm, and had to adapt to a whole new dynamic that I was used to. Second time around, in person, wasn't that much easier but I managed to pass. My mental health was not the best, and I had a lot of issues with connecting with my classmates, making friends, asking for help; just keeping up with this new fast paced life in general. Second semester came around and my mental health got worse. I was clinically depressed and I was just ready to give up on life. When I say that I was shocked to have passed, I am not exaggerating. It was truly by the skin of my teeth but I managed. And during the summer break I just pretended that entire semester didn't happen and tried to "move on". But that just spelled downfall for the following year, because (1) I had learned nothing the previous semester and I didn't have the background knowledge I needed to learn this new information and (2) my mental health struggles caught up to me, everything from my undergrad studies to starting vet school till then, and I crashed. Hard.

I was suffering from insomnia, I wasn't really eating and I began to self-harm. All of that led to me to discontinue my studies for the year to focus on bettering my mental health, and I thought I did that. I started my second year and it was no better. I got diagnosed with OCD and ADHD (and my doctor didn't want to medicate me for either one). But I had a new beast to battle: I couldn't find the motivation or interest to study. The epitome of executive dysfunction. I managed to go to classes and tutorials and everything, but as soon as I returned home, I would be so bone-deep exhausted that I would just sleep (I commute via public transport, which is a pain). So, I didn't really study and the material just accumulated until I didn't have enough time or brain capacity to learn everything. And I didn't pass my classes. I actually failed 2 of them. Apparently, I just don't test well. It was so unexpected, I couldn't stop crying for 2 weeks straight.

Next year is my last chance. I wanted to try and review everything from the beginning, because I need to get that fundamental baseline understanding to perform well in the following years of my degree. But I'm still struggling with that lack of drive, lack of purpose, lack of motivation. I am still aware of my long-term goals but they don't fuel me enough to get through this now.

I know it might only be making it worse, but I'm not on my medications currently and I am unable to see my therapist because I can't afford to.

[erbodd]

The thing is, you can NEVER know the 19 year old consented 'freely.'

I like to point out 3 girls who were sexually harassed by older men and their outcomes in life.

Me, I was sexually harassed by my 35-year-old professor at 19. I said no, reported him. He failed me in my class even though I'd reported him, the university took his side. My advisor completely lied and claimed I was ranting 'about being raped' during my next very normal session with her about scheduling my study abroad. She then unenrolled me from my study abroad session 3 days before it started so I didn't get to go and had to pay for most of it. I already unrefundable plane tickets to ireland. I ended up being forced out next year because there kept being random 'errors' with my academic record like my financial aid would be cancelled or my major would be changed at random, changing what I owe and making me owe money after aid had been dispensed (I was changed from archaeology to engineering once, the $1500 change got me dropped from ALL my classes and I lost my academic credit and had to retake my tests and midterms. the one that made me finally unable to enrol again was archaeology to education. $400 more that I didn't notice forced me out of classes that had waitlists after the enrolment deadline. I owed everything for the semester and couldn't go back). She also called my job telling them I was unhinged till I got fired.

Second is Monica Lewinsky. I don't think I need to tell you how her life was ruined.

Third is Mary Leaky. She actually married the man who preyed on her. She's known as a mother of anthropology. Can we ever know if she actually consented or maybe she just didn't want her life ruined?

No 19-year-old in their right mind would date someone their parents age.

Hey anon, I feel bad for you. As I feel bad for anyone who's been prayed upon, no matter their age or gender.

But real life is one thing, fiction is another. What's cool about fiction is that as authors, we actually decide how things go, what the characters think and wish, etc., in order to make a romantic story, not a dramatic one.

In the case of this story, the older man pushed away the young one many times because it didn't feel right to him for serveral reasons.

I wish you all the best and hope this chapter of your life is now far behind you.

EDIT to add one thing : When I was 18, I dated a 30+ yo man who was also my first. I wanted this relationship, we dated for two years, he was nothing but nice to me and we went our separate ways when I left him. So, not all age gaps that wide are bad.

[54-1]

Coincidence? (=

I think it was during my uhm third year or fourth year of my law school, and probably the second or third year of being a member of the law school's basketball team. It was the first semester of the school year.

One of the subjects I took was a retake and it was suppose to be a manageable so I thought I'll just sit in front-row seats so the professor might remember me, do well in the exams at least at the minimum and sleep well without worrying about failing the class.

I would go early in class to be able to sit in the front row probably three or four seats from the aisle on the left side of the room facing the board. The area for the professor in front is elevated so, we have this table-arm school chair made of wood that were placed leg-distance away from the elevated area in front of the class. For some lazy-assed reason I would sit in such a way that I would be able to extend my legs and prop my feet on the elevated area in front. Hey, I get to have the classroom for myself for a few minutes that sometimes--well most of the time I would forget that my classmates would be coming in soon. For a number of times, there would be this classmate who would really make a slowly step over my legs carefully not trying to trip over them. That would made me conscious of course and I would tuck my legs back but it would happen again the following meetings. She would sit a seat apart from where I sat, but no one would sit between us. We never really talked much, a few times this classmate would ask me a question or two about what the professor would say, I would give her my guess on how I understood it.

I was that obstinate of her presence, I determined to pass the course cause I failed it already.

I would not have looked at my classmate had it not been for her last name. Last names don't register on me much especially if they are common unless you say them over and over. My classmate's name was not common but I was quite too preoccupied with my readings that by the time her last name would be called, it would be too late for me to trace back where the reply would be coming from. Most of the time, it would just be a raise of hand you see. I was only able to trace said last name to the person sitting on my left probably two or three meetings to go before the semester ends. I had eight chances to get to know her, but I was only made aware of her presence two or three meetings before the semester ends.

Torralba was of interest because I had a batch-mate in my undergraduate days of that same last name. When I had a good look at Jhonalyn Torralba for the first time, I thought that she might be related to this batchmate I was referring to. Her eyes are really pretty and expressive, enclosed with long eye-lashes, small nose, and a matching smile that would either be polite but could also hold mischief when her dimple on her left cheek would show. It was a moment before I was able to look away. I thought maybe next time I would try to have a conversation with her. Much to my regret it was on the last day of our class meeting that I was able to muster of the courage to talk to her. It was also our final examination. It just went like "You're Jhonalyn Torrabla right? Are you by any chance related to Karen Torralba?" To my surprise and apprehension she replied "Yes, she is my older sister". This willingness and interest to know her became slightly cracked. I was intimidated by her sister during my undergraduate days, I don't think I would be able to give Jhonalyn the impression I want if her sister would be able to give her own contradicting impression, even with that, time was not on my side. There really was no other reason to stay in touch. I decided to let go and just not try to know her at all anymore. It gave my heart a bit of a pinch of regret though. She was courteous and captivating in a simple way. Any chance to see her again is if we would take the same subjects the next semester. That would just be leaving it to pure chance. It was a a good coincidence though a consolation for me as a good story.

#to be continued.

[pybgarbs-blog]

01-10-23: Return

It was a Tuesday. That was the first morning I wake up early at 4 just to prepare ourselves for the first choir practice of the year. So we’re back again with the church duties. Good thing, I already prepared everything. Deep inside, I was excited to see everyone again but then again returning as an organist is a weekly challenge giving the fact my organist partner, now a church friend, Lynn, is going away to pursue her teaching career. It was last Sunday, we talked and informed me about this. It was bittersweet that she never got the chance to see us return to our newly-renovated church but then again her future that she has been praying for is happening. I hope she would enjoy more the opportunities, she really deserve everything good for her in life and the sacrifices she made in her past locale of carrying also the responsibility of an organist in the children’s choir. Jumping two choir practices and congregation during weekends given the fact these locales are a town apart, she really deserves the blessings that she is receiving right now. She inspires me in a way that if she is able to surpass, why can’t I? I wish my hope for the blessings and all the sacrifices I did and will do this year is all worth it. I wish that whatever happens, an organist is one of the most blessed responsibility that God has chosen you apart from the others. When Lynn left, it sparks me to return again to who I was, am and will be. Its just that there’s only 4 organists left, one of them, Sister Metelyn is absent as she still feels the after condition from her surgery and the other, Sister Janice, Lynn’s older sister, who I adore and respect, is giving us now hints of leaving the locale and a possibility for transfer. Well, I guess only Sis Regine and I would be the las standing pair, however, I’m relieved that my mentor and a brother figure, Brother Jaypee, is returning and by knowing it, everything will be change for the better. I think the light that once shines the San Juan choir will return. Now, I’m more than inspired given the fact my brother knows how to play the Johannus, the brand new organ that will be used for the new church.   I think I am in good hands and will be more pro with playing the organ with both hands and feet. Then, again, his comeback is still February. I guess, I should be preparing myself, to be better than I was back before the pandemic. How I hope that when he hears me play, he could say that I leveled up and grown up differently. That his product, me, is now capable. So the choir practice, despite the rain, ended. Out of thin blue, the choir president, Renante, gave me the keys of the church so that I could practice the organ. It was a wholesome moment for me that he gave me an opportunity, in a least possible way, he supports me in this journey. He sees me but then again I still have to prove to them I’m capable like Lynn. For the whole morning, I never went home but stayed and practiced the offering song. Indeed, I became better. I went home to rest until my beautiful friend, Jodin, requested if she could come by at our house to comply her requirements using my laptop. I agreed and she came by at night, she shocked to see the new arrangement at the terrace and a new bed. The last time she was here, it was last year when we were rehearsing for the folkdances but now, she loved the new bedroom I have. I feel heart broken to see her sharing her frustrations, struggles and breakdowns as she surpassing everything at school, at home and in life. I was her lifeline. And she felt blessed to have a friend like me. And the same feelings I have towards her. I taught her some things how to navigate everything and indeed, she felt light when she passed her requirements. Its just in middle of the conversation, I received a message that 19 of us in the Structural Theory class had failed and will be retaking the subject next semester. I was keeping my sadness to myself as I was smiling at Jodin, working her paper. At the back of mind, I don’t know what to do. Same as others, they were saddened and for those who passed, well good for them. It got me thinking that I deserved that failure, I mean, look I was always absent during class, I spent those times just hiding not to be called during recitation and being absent as I chose rehearsing at our folkdance. Looking at it, I deserve it. The only thing I could blame is myself. So if I retake this subject, well I think its for the better. How can I move forward without knowing it at heart when I just cheated my way during exams and quizzes. I cannot lie to myself that I did know something about the topic and when in fact I did not. For those who passed, they deserve it. Its just that I just wish I could have the help that I needed and the time that I have used for it. So right now, I decided to just not take any church social activities this year or maybe this semester. This is war now, and I lost. What a way to retake the difficult subject again and all I have done was for nothing. So when Jodin left, my smile faded. Given the fact, she gave me 20 pesos, it was already a big gesture for me. I’m grateful for her for just keeping me smiling that night even though I’m drowning in pain inside. Even though I failed helping myself, I succeeded saving a friend. 

[atlafan]

okay, I know a lot of you are starting college/university this year, so here are some things yall need to know/understand (I’m a first year academic advisor FYI):

no one is going to hold your hand. Many places consider you a legitimate adult at this point. Nothing will be spelled out for you completely.

GOOGLE IS A THING! I know when you don’t know something your instinct is to email someone, but often times if you Google the name of your college + whatever you have a question about, you can find the answer that way

Please remember that your professors/advisor are people too! A lot of us don’t check email on the weekends or after certain business hours. Please don’t ask to meet them on a weekend, or during the noon lunch hour. We need to rest too.

Your professors aren’t going to email you about every little thing, they’re just not. Some might, but most won’t. READ YOUR SYLLABUS! CHECK YOUR COURSE PAGES! As far as buying books? Your college bookstore website should have a search engine for looking up what you need for each class. Start there, then you can go onto Amazon, eBay, chegg, etc to find the best deal. If it’s a gen ed, just rent. If it’s a book for a major course, buy it. And listen, I know we all hate amazon, but but amazon student is amazing, less expensive than a regular amazon account, and you can save way more on books and supplies.

JOIN CLUBS, GO TO EVENTS! You’re not going to make friends sitting alone in your dorm room. I know it seems scary to venture out, but trust me, getting involved in campus activities (even if you’re commuting) is the best way to meet people and not feel alone.

UTILIZE CAMPUS RESOURCES!! Have an IEP or 504 plan? GO TO YOUR CAMPUS ACCESSABILITY SERVICES! They can give you what you need. Get tutoring right away, SEE YOUR ADVISOR, go to the counseling center if you’re not feeling well mentally!! All of this stuff is included in your tuition, use it!

CHECK YOUR FUCKING SCHOOL EMAIL!! I know yall like to text, but please. Don’t email using your personal email (gmail, iCloud, yahoo), USE YOUR SCHOOL EMAIL! Read things through carefully. Departments on campus email you for a reason.

REGISTER FOR CLASSES ON TIME!! At some point you’ll meet with your advisor to discuss classes for the following semester, and they will give you a registration date. WAKE UP EARLY ON THAT DATE AND FUCKING REGISTER! Then you don’t have to worry about getting into the classes you need.

Exercise. Get out of your rooms. Even if it’s just a walk to get some fresh air. Your diet/eating habits are going to change drastically. Please don’t skip meals. Make sure you’re eating. I was a very unhealthy student and would barely eat. PLEASE EAT!

GO TO CLASS AND YOU WILL PASS! Your parents/guardians won’t be there to nag you. It’s on you to get into a routine and schedule. I know it’s tempting to skip, but unless you’re sick, don’t skip class. You or your parents are paying for that class. And if you fail, you have to retake it, which means paying for it again, and paying for an extra class to make up for the credits you’re missing.

CHECK YOUR BILLS! If you’re paying for school on your own, please check your bills. Financial offices will put holds on your accounts if you can’t pay. STAY AWAY FROM PRIVATE LOANS! You’ll be paying off the interest for the rest of your life, it’s not worth it. Most schools will help you set up a payment plan. I recommend calling those offices directly as opposed to emailing, you’ll get more direct help.

Save your money for doing laundry.

Don’t pack a ton of shit. You can go home and swap out clothes at some point.

Get a lanyard for your student ID, idc if you think it makes you look stupid. If you lose your ID it can cost a lot of $$$ to replace it.

Never leave your room without your key. Taking a shower? Great! Your roommate left and locked the door behind them. Good thing you had your key in your shower caddy!

SHOWER SHOES! Get a cheap pair of flip flops to wear in the shower. Girls, yall are gross. I can’t tell you how many times there was hair all over the shower, or a used tampon flung into the corner. Please clean up after yourselves. Don’t leave makeup in the sink. Bathrooms are a COMMUNITY SPACE, be courteous.

If you want to go out and party, that’s fine, but keep your priorities straight. Are you at school to party and drink, or are you there to get an education and eventually a job?

GO TO CAREER SERVICES! They can help you with your resume, and do mock interviews.

GO TO YOUR ALUMNI OFFICE! Alums love helping students find internships and jobs. The people in that office can help you get in contact with the them.

This is all I can think of for now, but for the love of god, heed my warnings. College can be a wonderful time to learn and grow as a person, but it can also be really depressing and tough. Seek help, get involved, and go to class. Good luck! 💕