#I was requested on twitter so why not post the longer version here?

[snoople-boop]

!!I will not be censoring any of the supporters names, this is what they've done to me!!

This is all done by my memories, if I got any info wrong please correct me

Here is the Twitter version in case you need it (it also has screenshots)

The context behind how this bullshit started was someone on a Natewantstobattle discord server who said that Daniel was innocent and taking his name out of the blacklisted. They argued that Daniel had been unfairly targeted and that he had done nothing wrong. They argued that the decision was wrong and that Daniel deserved a chance to be heard. They also argued that Daniel should be given the opportunity to explain his side of the story and that the decision to blacklist him should be reversed... Which I got banned from the server too (or the server no longer exists)

Abi and Loki had the nerve to tell me that what I was doing was totally fine, and then they went ahead and gaslight me even more. They had the audacity to say that the people on Reddit (r/Natewantstobattle and r/GetScared) were the ones in the wrong, not me. And then they had the nerve to praise me for asking people to harass the victims. but they continued to support that worthless sack of dried cum. They believed the lies that Sabrina said!

They said that I was doing a great job when I "found evidence of Daniel being innocent" (which was either a crappy written tweet or a horribly-evidenced screenshot thing that can prove if stuff is fake or not) Then, when the first server went to crap, they all bailed and deleted the evidence of the entire server. One of the supporters went ahead and posted "evidence" without even asking me first. Asshole. They also put my username on the NWTB wiki without my permission. I had to tell them to take it down. Then they asked me to tell Boy Hero about Christina Vee and if the stream freezes, ask him again. I was like, "why?" But I went along with it because that's what they wanted. They made a Justice For Mandopony Reddit and dumped the responsibility on me. Again. (Tbh the Reddit was already dead). They had the nerve to ask me to make another Mandopony subreddit. So, I did it, but none of them wanted to join except Abi. (The GS + NTWB one I made for fun.) . They actually told me to go around telling people about it and posting it everywhere "what Nate did," (which wasn't true. Abi forced me to call her mom, a request to which I was ok with for some reason,

In addition, Abi made a point of that we, are a family. She said that Loki is the dad while she was the mom. She also promised undying attention (which I never got), I thought doing all of these things would give me attention from them

I wanted to make them happy and proud for what I've done, Abi in one of the discord servers pulled a "people are harassing me wahhh Vincent come save me" card.

She also said that Nate's mods and the entire fandom hold hate towards her. She also said that I was "special". She has a separate account that she spies on me, She said and I quote "I prefer to keep my second account private just in case I get harassed too much here". One of them bothered Iskey and I told Iskey it wasn't me, I sent her the proof and it pisses them off and yelled at me on why I I gave it it Iskey. Some dipshit told me to go spread everywhere on discord servers that "Mandopony is innocent" bullshit and I got banned from every single one. But they still had the nerve to praise me for what I was doing on the GS Reddit. I mean, I could go into detail, but let's just say it's not worth the effort... During my time on Tumblr I came across a rumor of Johnny visiting Joel In jail. It pissed me off, I spread misinformation and chaos, adding to the confusion surrounding the rumor. I reached out to Johnny via email, sincerely apologizing for my role in perpetuating the rumor, He responded with kindness and understanding (I still wanna beat the shit out of who made the rumor but still). Once they made me write a fanfic of Joel and Johnny. It made me super uncomfortable. Plus they wanted me to post it on Wattpad. It had to do some serious damage control once it hit r/GetScared, I played it cool and acted like I wrote it for shits and giggles... I don't remember the rest.. So, months later, I finally told them about what Joel did. I compared the chats to that one screenshot I had of the GS discord servers (now delete, not showing it. The screenshot is now pointless) and one of the conversations with those cunts. And that led to a full blown argument. Told them that Sabrina LIED about the shit rumors she made about Nate. BUT. They said "it was an adult and not a minor so it's ok". Like dawg that's still cheating how dumb are you. like both are horrible.

They took advantage of a minor (I was 17) who's autistic, barely talks, and stutters words. They even used my hyperfixation as a trap, and my horrible social ques as a trap also

I'm super sorry to the people I hurt

!!On March 27th 10:00 PM, I stopped being friends with Abi and Loki, which resulted in me being stalked by his supporters. They have been claiming that claimed that I am lying. They also got one of the people that I used to know suspended from their account, and also harassed and stalked them!!

UPDATE:

Abi and Loki manipulated me into thinking i wasn't uncomfortable to moving in with them, because of how bad Texas was at the time and my autism, they convinced me that jumping off a water tower will twist your ankle and not paralyze you. They said "that bitch is lying, you can't get paralyzed but jumping off a water tower. The only thing that can happen is you twisting your ankle!" They sent a photo on a small water tower because I didn't know what they looked like "oh those? Aren't they big?" "Didn't you say you have messed up vision? Your eyes are tricking you"

I've had really horrible nightmares about them, they got so bad to the point where one of the nightmares was them trying to fuck me

[fahrni]

Saturday Morning Coffee

Good morning from Charlottesville, Virginia! ☕️

Another week, gone. We’re picking up the grandkids this morning so I’ll have to get this put together quickly this morning. Sorry, grandpa duty calls! 👴🏼

I’m finishing this off in the car as we go to get them. 🤣

Hope you enjoy the links.

Max Boot • The Washington Post

The GOP’s abandonment of Ukraine makes me ashamed to be an American

This is gut wrenching. Ukraine is standing between Russia and Europe. That nutter in Russia isn’t going to stop at Ukraine. He’ll go until someone can stop him.

Come on G.O.P., get your crap together and defend democracy. Oh, right, you no longer care about that.

Ananya Bhattacharya • Quartz

Spotify is ending 2023 with its third and biggest layoffs of the year

Man, 2023 has been a crummy year for tech workers. Here’s hoping 2024 is much, much, better.

James Verniere • Boston Herald

“Leave the World Behind,” which is based on a 2020 novel by American author Rumaan Alam and produced by among others Barrack and Michelle Obama, is nothing less than a modern-day version of Alfred Hitchcock’s unforgettable 1963 hit “The Birds.”

I watched this last night and I really liked it. If you have Netflix check it out.

Ashur Cabrera

Once upon a time — way back in, like, 2004 or something — I used to turn my nose up at sites that served an RSS feed with only an excerpt. It felt, I think I would have said, like a sleazy way to drive clicks. (“Information wants to be free!” etc. 🙄) Twenty years on I still read a ton from RSS feeds, but I found recently that I’m starting to thaw on that position quite a bit.

Ashur, what happened to the curmudgeon in you? 😃

As a developer of a feed reader I get request to display the full article and it’s what I prefer so I don’t have to visit the website. That’s a feature on the feature list for Stream. One of these days.

Bart Decrem • Mammoth Blog

Introducing Mammoth 2: The easiest way quit Twitter/X for good and join Mastodon

It’s nice to see developers strive to make Mastodon work for old Twitter, non techie, users to get started with Mastodon. That’s been the biggest barrier to entry. Folks can’t figure out how to join and they also tend to like recommendations.

Jacob Kastrenakes • The Verge

Earlier this year, a developer slid into Eric Migicovsky’s DMs with a spectacular claim: that he had reverse engineered Apple’s iMessage, allowing any device — Android, Windows, whatever — to send messages as a blue bubble. Migicovsky didn’t believe what he was reading.

This is an interesting read. Bravo to the 16-year old who figured it out!

Daring Fireball

But Overcast does exist, and it’s the app where most people with exquisite taste in UI are listening to podcasts.

Poor Castro has languished and definitely doesn’t have the geek recognition Overcast does. I’d imagine that’s why it’s the number one podcast player in John’s stats.

As far as UI preferences and paradigm go, Castro fits me better.

I’d love to be able to buy it from Tiny and keep working on it. I’ve already shared my opinion on the matter.

Aldous J Pennyfarthing • Daily Kos

House Speaker Mike Johnson, whose grand vision for America includes transforming every uterus in the country into a Pez dispenser, is convinced he’s the North American Moses who will lead his people to the Promised Land.

Yeah, this guy wants a theocracy. No thank you.

Sure, the Christians might agree with you but what about Jews, Muslims, Buddhists? Name your religion. It’s not right. Our First Amendment was setup to protect us from a theocracy, but we all know the G.O.P. doesn’t really care about the Constitution.

Susana Polo • Polygon

The Comixology app, the mobile incarnation of the digital comics platform owned by Amazon since 2014, has finally shuffled off this mortal coil.

I’ve had ComiXology for a number of years but I never went for the subscription. I just don’t read enough. I don’t see this as a bad move. Comics are just another type of book and the Kindle App is fine for reading.

ESPN

While four teams are celebrating the opportunity to play for a national title on the field, undefeated ACC champion Florida State is on the outside, becoming the first unbeaten Power 5 conference winner to ever miss out on the College Football Playoff.

This broke a lot of hearts and it’s a real shame the 12 team — why not 16 — playoff wasn’t in place this year.

Of course I say that and my own thoughts on the matter didn’t include Florida State.

I also thought Georgia should have been in. Off by one error. We got Alabama from the SEC instead.

Apple

Apple TV+ today shared the first images from “Constellation,” a new eight-part, conspiracy-based psychological thriller drama starring Noomi Rapace (“The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo,” “You Won’t Be Alone”) and Emmy Award nominee Jonathan Banks (“Breaking Bad,” “Better Call Saul”).

So, yeah, I’m looking forward to this! Anything with Noomi Rapace in it is good in my book.

Danijela Vrzan

Let’s implement a custom dark mode color in our app - dark blue.

Really nice SwiftUI article on how to change the colors used for Light and Dark mode for your app. Well done.

[rosieethor]

In the spirit of sharing more of my writing advice for free, here's my old post about Synopsis writing from my patreon as well:

Hello friends and foes! By popular request, I'm going to do some synopsis talk today. This post will include:

How I write a synopsis and the different types of synopses/their uses

A bunch of tips and tricks for making your synopsis the best it can be

My argument for why synopsis writing is actually good and you should do it (hear me out plz i know i sound like a villain)

How-To

Okay but HOW do you write a synopsis? Short of summoning a demon to do the work for you, my best advice is to check out this post by Susan Dennard. It is by far the best synopsis writing post out there. Everyone I know swears by it and truly it is the synopsis post to end all others, including this one.

The first thing I have to do when writing a synopsis is determine what kind of synopsis I'm writing. There are three different types of synopses that I routinely write. There are probably more, but let's focus on these three:

One page synopsis

Proposal synopsis

Only-for-my-eyes synopsis

The first is the one you'll be writing if you're querying or submitting to mentorship programs. The one-page synopsis is arguably the most evil document publishing makes you write, and I feel for you. The proposal synopsis is for if you are writing a book proposal to sell to a publisher before writing the full book. This is usually longer than one page and you have a bit more freedom with it. The last one is something I write for myself as I'm working on the book to map out my path forward and work through plot beats and emotional threads. It can be as chaotic as it needs to be, BUT the goal is always to take that version and turn it into one of the first two types of synopses eventually.

Depending on the type of writer you are, I recommend doing one of two things to start:

1. Write a for-your-eyes-only synopsis that tells the whole story in all its chaotic glory with no mind for the audience just yet

2. Write a list of events that occur in the story. Just a bulleted list of things that happen.

Once you've done one of these things, you have your first draft of a synopsis. 

If you did the former, you'll need to distill it down to something more readable and friendly for people who haven't read your book. This will involve a lot of detail editing, line trimming etc. If you don't love editing for wordcount, this is NOT the option for you. (This is usually how I do things because I love mess, but it's definitely not for everyone!)

If you did the latter, you'll need to connect the dots. Try putting connecting words between each event. Things like "so," "because of," "when," "but," "however," etc. 

Et voila! You have a... workable synopsis. It's a starting point. But, much like books, you really just need your first draft to exist. It's a place to work from.

Some quick tips

I did a thread on twitter with some tips and tricks for improving your synopsis, which I present to you now here as well:

1. First, don't stress too much about the synopsis. It's the least important part of the query submission package.

2. Remember to all-caps character names the first time they are mentioned! It's a weird formatting thing, but it's standard. So instead of "17-year-old Anna Thatcher" I would write "17-year-old ANNA THATCHER." I can just call her "Anna" in future instances.

3. Limit the number of named characters. 5 is a good number to shoot for. I named 4 in mine for my PW book. Name the main characters and the villain. Use shorthand for others if you can, like "his teacher" or "the king" or "her rival" instead of names.

4. Use specific descriptors where applicable. It's way more helpful for us to understand the utility of people/places/things than it is to know their proper name. For example, "she is implanted with a translator chip" tells us more than "she is implanted with duolingo"

5. Use active verbs in your transitions. Instead of "She ends up as tribute in the hunger games" tell us HOW. What does she do to get there? Show us her agency. For example, "She volunteers as tribute for the hunger games to protect her sister"

6. A good thing to help you with the prior tip that deserves to be its own tip is to ask yourself "How" at every single paragraph break. Make sure you are using the most specific and active language you can.

7. Another good and related tip: ask yourself WHY. "She volunteers for the hunger games" tells us a lot less than "She volunteers for he hunger games to protect her sister." The why is arguably the most important thing to know because it what drives the MC's actions

8. Transitions are a really good place to look for problems within your book too. If you don't show us why or how something happens, that probably points to a breakdown in your character motives or agency

9. If you're having trouble starting, try listing every event that happens in your book. Then, string them together with linking phrases like: 

but 

however 

so 

when 

because of 

and then

For example, "Katniss's sister is chosen for the hunger games. Katniss volunteers for the hunger games" becomes "Katniss's sister is chosen for the hunger games, SO Katniss volunteers in her place."

Keep an eye on events linked with "and then." These are probably signs that these events are either unimportant to your synopsis OR improperly linked in your book. Remember, we need to know the why and how in order for something to matter. Show us agency.

10. Another good way to think about the events in your synopsis is to always ask yourself for cause and effect. What's the cause of an event? what's the effect? One or both should be important.

11. Not every detail is important. It's okay to leave out small things. Look at the large arcs of your plot and weed out anything that doesn't directly impact those main plot threads. For example, if I was writing a synopsis for THG, I would leave out avoxes & madge

12. For synopses with multiple POVs, find the connection points between perspectives. It's jarring to switch POVs without understanding the connection between them. Show how events impact them both or how their actions feed into the other's POV before transitions

13. Be mindful of passive voice. It can be useful in synopses when avoiding extraneous detail, but it can also be distancing. Look for the most active AND economical way to say what happens.

14. You don't have to siphon emotional pathways from your book in the synopsis. Sometimes they can feel like super dry documents, but synopses can convey emotional arcs and character arcs too. Do this by establishing motives/goals early and answering "why" throughout

A Villain Monologue 

I fully recognize how evil I sound saying this but: synopses are good, actually.

HEAR ME OUT!!!!

I know we hate them! I know it sucks to write one! But! The synopsis is actually one of the most effective tools you have at your disposal for identifying weaknesses within your own draft.

Here's why: When you write a synopsis, you are distilling your plot down to the basics. When you take away the frills of prose and dialogue etc., you'll be able to see the character arcs and plot arcs more easily. As you write your synopsis, look out for places where the dramatic nature of events feels forced or not-present at all. These are places where events probably don't make sense in the book either. Look for the connective words you're using. Are you using "And then" because there's no cause or effect to the event? If so, that means you might need to edit for character agency. Are you having trouble answering the how/why questions? Probably you need stronger goals/motives driving your characters.

The synopsis sucks to write, I know it, but it also is one of the best ways to figure out where the problems are in your manuscript. If you're not chosen for mentorship or you aren't finding success while querying, something to do is look at your synopsis critically and see if you can identify weaknesses within your own plotting/structure. You may walk away with a strong revision plan that will make your book better!

Hi there! I had a quick question for you. You used to have a free post on Patreon that had a bunch of tips for researching agents to query, and I've had it bookmarked for a while, but I can't access it anymore because your Patreon stuff is all down currently. I was wondering if you happen to have that article up anywhere else? I'm about to search for agents for querying round 2: electric boogaloo and I was hoping to refresh myself before diving in. If you don't have it up anywhere, no worries, and thanks for writing it in the first place!

Hello! Happy to repost it here! I took down my Patreon, as it was causing me too much stress to create enough quality content to feel as though I could justify charging folks. Anyway, without further ado, my general overview of how to research and evaluate literary agents when you're in the query trenches: ~~

Lately I’ve been working with some of my mentees to build their query lists. It’s an exhausting process with a lot of research and guess work. In light of some recent discussions and advice floating around to “research” agents, I thought I’d throw together a sort of haphazard guide on how I do that and what I look for. “Research” is pretty nebulous advice and it’s just… not very helpful without any kind of caveat that no matter how much research you do, you’ll never be 100% sure about an agent until they reveal themselves to be a schmagent (shady agent). It’s sort of… Schrodinger’s schmagent, if you will.

This isn’t going to be an exhaustive how-to, but it’s a starting point. I hope it helps you as you figure out who you want to query and who you’re willing to trust with your career.

Depending on what type of book you’re writing, there are many tools the industry has to offer that you can use to figure out if agents are legit, what they are interested in signing, and what books they’ve sold.

MSWL 

Manuscript Wish List is an incredible resource. Agents can upload their wishlists to a profile on the website so you can see up to date information about not only what age categories and genres they’re accepting, but what other sorts of things they’re most interested in seeing like themes and writing styles and ship dynamics etc. This is a great place to start with building your query list and can help you narrow down who would be the best fit for you.

But… it doesn’t filter out schmagents. You don’t have to pass any sort of test in order to make a profile on MSWL except… be… an agent. Of any caliber. There are lots of agents on MSWL that I would never suggest someone query. On the flip side, there are lots of agents who are not on MSWL who I would suggest someone query.

Querytracker 

This is another great tool the industry has to offer. I didn’t use it for myself, but have used it to help others with building their query lists. The gist of it is that you can log all your queries and see when other people submitted and got their responses to see where you are in the queue. You can also see examples of form rejections from certain agents to see if yours was a form of personalized, and there’s a list of pretty much all the agents in existence.

However, this list of agents is not vetted in any way. There’s no quality control of the list, so again it’s just a starting point. There is a tool on the site called “Who reps Whom” where you can see an non-exhaustive list of authors and which agent reps them. This list is sometimes out of date though since authors leave agents sometimes and don’t announce their new representation until their book sells. It also sometimes lists multiple agents for an author when that author has sold different books repped by different agents. It can sometimes help you see which agents are losing clients, but it doesn’t really tell you why and that’s the important detail that will help you see if an agent is bad-bad or just bad for that author.

There is a paid version of QT, which I’ve never used, but I’ve heard it’s a great tool to have while you’re querying, but maybe not before you’re querying.

Children’s Bookshelf 

If you’re a kidlit writer of any age category, you should be subscribed to Publisher’s Weekly Children’s Bookshelf newsletter. It’s a biweekly (Tuesdays and Thursdays) newsletter that includes a deal report. This lists all the book deals from picture book up through YA that are being announced that week.

First of all, you should get on this whether or not you’re ready to start querying. It’s a great, free resource that will help you stay aware of what’s selling in the industry. Keep in mind, though, that books being announced now won’t come out for at least a year or two. They also probably sold months ago. What’s selling now won’t be what’s selling in a few months, necessarily, so be wary of chasing trends.

Mostly, though, this is a great way for you to see who is selling what to whom. See a book deal that sounds cool? Check who the agent was. Then check who it was sold to. Is that a publisher you’d like to publish with? Maybe check out that agent’s wishlist to see if you’re a match!

Old editions of Children’s Bookshelf and the deal reports are available online, too, so if you want to do a bunch of research right now, you can search for those on PW’s website.

Publisher’s Marketplace 

I hate this website very very much mostly because they charge so much money for you to get access to what should be free information HOWEVER it’s a very useful tool with lots of internal connectivity and links that are actually helpful. If you’re willing to shell out the money, you can check up on agents’ sales and see how their sales are.

A word of caution: PM has some “top dealmakers” lists you can peruse. These are misleading and simply list agents who are making the most deals. There’s no vetting of the quality of these deals. There is a well known schmagent who often tops these lists, so just because someone appears on a list, don’t take that as gospel that they are a quality agent.

Avoiding Schmagents

There are a lot of schmagents out there and really they fall into two categories: Bad agents who are out to screw you over and bad agents who don’t realize they are bad agents.

The former are usually a little easier to spot. I say usually because… not always. Sometimes very successful agents turn out to suck at their jobs. *stares at the current situation* But! You can sometimes spot these agents because there will be articles or blog posts about how much they suck. There will be podcasts where the hosts have to call the agent by a rhyming fake name to avoid a lawsuit. Etc.

The latter are a little harder to spot sometimes because they talk a good game. They sometimes talk about bad agent practices and share their own processes in the name of transparency (lots of good agents to this too!) These agents have the best of intentions and really want to be good agents, but they might have bad training or not enough strong connections in the industry to actually sell your book. They might not know enough about contracts to negotiate a good one, or they might not actually know what is and isn’t industry standard. They think because they are well-intentioned and not out to scam you that they’re not a schmagent.

Basically, the first case is like hiring a con artist to do your plumbing and they come over to fix your sink and break your toilet in the process. The second case is like hiring your really enthusiastic neighbor to fix your sink. They might be excited to do the job, but if they have the wrong tools and the wrong training, a lot can still go wrong.

So how do you know who to avoid?

Google

Okay I know this is going to sound extremely ridiculous but just. Just. Google. Google the agent’s name or the agency and scroll through the first couple of pages of results. If there are public facing horror stories to be had, you’ll probably find them here. Sometimes I see people sign with schmagents and I know if you google their name the second or third result is a detailed and horrifying blog post from an ex client all about her “year with a terrible agent.” A simple google search of the agency’s name would reveal this information, and it hurts my heart to see people signing when there are so many obvious red flags for them to find if they just search.

Writer Beware

This is a great website with detailed accounts of many known schmagents and Schmagencies. It’s not exhaustive by any means, but you’ll see some great info here about bad actors in the publishing industry, what they’ve done, and why it’s recommended that you stay away. 

Red Flags

There are also just a few red flags to look out for. Things like agents charging you up front—never ever pay an agent. Agents get paid a commission off of what they sell for you. They only get paid if you get paid. Money will flow from the publisher to the agent (who will take their 15%) and then to you.

Keep an eye out for agencies that charge a reading fee for queries. Again, don’t pay them money. Be wary of any agency that also provides paid editorial services. The same goes for if an agent tells you to work with a paid freelance editor in order to get signed. (This is different from feedback suggesting you work with critique partners or an editor. That’s a good suggestion. Prescribing that you work with a specific editor and pay them for their services as the conditions to get signed as a client is not okay.)

I am also very wary of any agent or agency that requires exclusivity on queries, partials, or full manuscripts. Exclusivity, to me, reads as though the agent doesn’t believe they stand a chance against other agents if they decide they want to sign you and… that’s a red flag to me. If they don’t think they can measure up, then they probably can’t and you shouldn’t be giving them a chance. (I’ll note that this is different from exclusivity on an R&R, which I think can sometimes be warranted in cases when an agent takes a lot of time to give you notes. Sometimes an agent will give revision notes and ask for exclusive right to consider the revised—be sure to nail down a timeframe for this so you don’t get stuck waiting for them to read for 6 months. Give them a head start of a few weeks or a month, but don’t give them forever to consider.)

Evaluating

When I evaluate an agent for a query list, I look at their sales.

If they have sales, I look to see if they are sales to publishers/editors you would be interested in working with? Likely, their sales are indicative of who they have relationships with. If you are submitting with the hopes of a traditional print deal to a large publisher, but the agent mostly does digital only deals to small presses, that’s probably not going to be the right fit for you. If you’re a middle grade writer but the agent has only ever sold adult historical romance, then… again, maybe not the right fit.

If they don’t have sales, I look at the other agents at the agency. Who has been agenting longer at the agency who might be mentoring them? Look at their sales and evaluate those. It’s possible the new agent you’re querying will make different contacts, but they’re likely being trained by the higher ups at the agency. Make sure you’re comfortable with that.

Check where the agent was trained too. Probably, you’ll see this in their agent bio. You’ll see some former workplaces—do they have prior experience in the industry? At a publisher maybe? A strong internship at another agency? This isn’t necessarily always going to be the sign of a good agent, but it can tell you what their history is and who might have had a hand in training them.

Other things I look at are their client list. Does the agent have a ton of clients already? Do they have a lot of high profile clients? These aren’t necessarily marks against them, but it might be an indicator that their plate is already pretty full. They might not be taking on a lot of new clients—or if they are, they might be overloading themselves and setting you up for very long wait times or even being neglected as a newer client. That’s definitely not always the case, and there are plenty of agents with huge lists full of very successful authors that juggle it all quite well.

This is where the last piece of the puzzle comes in and I realize I’m about to sound just extremely annoying but… do a vibe check. You don’t have to have a concrete reason not to query someone. If you feel at all uncomfortable or you get a weird vibe from someone, it’s okay to just say “Maybe I’ll skip that person.” I skipped an agent who was probably lovely, but gave of a kind of weird ra-ra feminist terf vibe to me that made me feel like maybe that wouldn’t be a safe relationship for me. I also skipped a male agent who I saw tweeting at women in a way that just felt a little uncomfy to me. That agent was later revealed to be a total creep, so… my vibe check war right on point there. Just… sometimes it’s worth taking a risk on a newer agent (it certainlywas for me) but it’s not always worth taking a risk on an agent who just feels off to you. Especially if you’re a marginalized person and you get a vibe from an agent that might indicate they’d try to exploit your identity or just be kind of shitty to you… you’re not obligated to query them! Even if they request in a pitch contest! Even if they slide right into your DMs to ask for your book (especially if they do this omfg this is so inappropriate). Basically… listen to your gut.

Okay so… what am I actually looking for?

There’s not one perfect checklist to use for this that’s a surefire way to weed out the baddies and keep the goodies. Unfortunately, a huge part of this industry is figuring out what works for you and being willing to communicate that. You won’t know what you’re looking for until you find it sometimes. If you’d asked me who my dream agent was before I queried, I would have given you the name of an agent I would never ever ever query if I had to go into the trenches now. Sometimes what you think you want and what you actually need are two very different things, and I’m really lucky that I got what I needed without trying to.

It’s helpful if you keep in mind some stuff about what youwant like:

· Do you want an editorial agent, or do you want to manage the editorial side yourself with CPs etc. and just have your agent sell your work?

· Do you want an agent who specializes in your age category/genre or do you want an agent with broader contacts in case you decide to branch out?

· Do you want a large agency that manages a lot of clients and may have a really strong internal subrights department? Or do you want a more boutique agency where you might be in a smaller pool of authors?

· Do you want to publish traditionally with a large publisher, or are you interested in submitting to some digital imprints or independent publishers?

Keep all this in mind as you do your research on agents. I recommend that you reevaluate these wants as you go along to see if that’s still what you want or if your career plans have changed. But, use these as a way to steer you with your search. Don’t submit to an agent just because their wishlist matches up with your book. Make sure their agenting style matches up with your career plan too.

Dream Agents

Lastly, a plea from me to you: don’t have a dream agent. It’s okay to have like… an idea of what kind of agent you want and the relationship you hope you’ll have but… don’t pick a real agent to have as your dream agent. Nine times out of ten what you’re going to end up wanting in an agent isn’t what you think you want now while you’re in the query trenches, but also it’s weird and maybe a little bit unhealthy to idolize an industry professional who may or may not be doing their job well. Just because you like an agent’s twitter presence doesn’t mean they would be the right agent for you. There are a lot of agents out there who do a great job, so it’ll be better for you in the long run to have a dream type of agent rather than an actual specific dream agent. Keep your options open and dream broadly.

Whisper Networks

There’s a lot of talk about whisper networks in publishing and… basically yeah. These exist. They spread a lot of good information. They also spread a lot of bad information. Basically these are avenues for gossip, so take it all with a grain of salt. I’ve heard things before from the source and then heard a very twisted and garbled version of that story again a few days later from someone else. It’s like a big game of telephone and everyone’s tryingto pass along the right info, but stuff gets twisted along the way. Be cognizant of who your source is and who their source is etc.

Not everyone has access to whisper networks and… unfortunately that’s kind of just by design. The reason we have whisper networks instead of a detailed database is because these conversations can quickly turn into big spectacles that end with a cease-and-desist order and threats of lawsuits. Agents hold a lot of power in this industry—especially the ones with daddy’s money to throw around—and none of us wants to deal with that, especially since we don’t get paid nearly enough to actually fight it. We also don’t want to burn bridges. Maybe there’s a shitty agent out and about, but they rep some authors we really respect or they work at a great agency that we might someday want to query. Until the power imbalance in publishing is more even, it will continue to be dangerous for authors to talk publicly about bad agent behavior—even when it is very clearly unethical.

I don’t have the solution here. Maybe there just… isn’t one… Maybe someone a lot smarter than me will come up with one. Maybe we’ll all just keep circling on this issue for decades to come. At the end of the day, my best advice is to talk to other authors. If you’re having a weird experience, talk to someone else. The best thing we can do is compare notes to see if what we’re dealing with is normal.

In Closing

So… I hope this is useful in one way or another. It’s definitely not a catch all and it’s not a perfect system. These are just the tools I know of and the way I think about agents/agencies when putting together query lists with my mentees. A lot of it is guess work. I think the industry would hugely benefit from more regulation and standardization but… that is another conversation for another time because we’ve crossed over 3000 words on this post and it’s time for bed.

With that… good luck!

[primnroses]

― Shizune’s entire jutsu arsenal

The information presented in this post has been checked and revised. My aim is not to hate or to discredit any of the characters mentioned. Please read about me for further information.

This post will contain evidence in picture format directly from the manga Naruto (1999 - 2014) created by Masashi Kishimoto and published by Shueisha in 1999. I will also use information from the official databooks of Naruto.

In this informative post will explain all the jutsu that Shizune has used in canon, meaning this will only include techniques that the author of the manga and the novels, illustrated by Kishimoto, have given her.

This analysis will be crossposted in AO3.  

Sakura’s jutsu arsenal (with 24 techniques) Ino’s jutsu arsenal (with 14 techniques) Hinata’s jutsu arsenal (with 10 techniques)

In order to talk about any jutsu, like ninjutsu, taijutsu or genjutsu, the term of stamina must be explained.

Stamina is accomplished by mixing mental and physical energies together, and it is the energy that fuels any kind of jutsu, with chakra or without chakra. These mental energies are different from the Yin and Yang Release.

The amount of stamina is proportionate to the number of jutsu the user can perform. This means that the more stamina the ninja possesses, the greater the repertoire of jutsu attacks and the more quantity there will be to transform into chakra, and, therefore, into a jutsu.

Since taijutsu uses no chakra, the fighter does not need to mold any or use hand seals. On the other hand, in order to perform ninjutsu, chakra is kneaded and expelled through hand seals.

Shizune is known for her medical ninjutsu, which is said to be behind Tsunade’s skills in the third databook, so her chakra control is higher than the average medic-ninja.

Much like Sakura and the description of her chakra control by Ebisu, Shizune is able to blend her mental and physical energies together to mold chakra efficiently. 

Her stamina is directly linked to her proficiency in hand seals. This is why, despite not having a very high statistic of stamina, Shizune is able to learn techniques that require kneading chakra and perform ninjutsu without any difficulty through hand seals, which is an area in which she excels.

The third databook describes stamina as the foundation of chakra and the hand seals as the knowledge in that art, the medium in which a jutsu is performed and the proficiency in executing said techniques.

As an adult, she has the advantage of having more than half of stamina reserves compared to other medic-ninja. Her unusual talent for medical ninjutsu stems from her chakra control. 

Shizune is only proficient in ninjutsu and that is her field of expertise. As a medic-ninja, she is originally a ninja of support, but she counts with techniques that allow her to take the initiative in battle. She also displays a wide knowledge of genjutsu despite not performing or dispelling any herself. 

She can use attack and supplementary jutsu (A & S) and they are short and mid-range type (C & M). Her specialties are A-rank medical ninjutsu and B and C-rank defense techniques.

Shizune falters in taijutsu, having a below average knowledge of hand-to-hand combat. However, she’s very fast and her reflexes are very refined, which does not add to her taijutsu because she does not use it, but it contributes to her offensive techniques. 

NINJUTSU:

The art of ninjutsu is the molding of stamina, the transformation in chakra and its release through hand seals. This result is called a technique, or jutsu. There are different types of ninjutsu, like elemental techniques based on Fire, Wind, Lightning, Earth and Water; or basic ninjutsu taught in the Academy. There are also more advanced types of techniques like Medical Ninjutsu.

» POISON MIST (B-rank, Offensive): The user exhales poison from the mouth, which becomes mist at the mere contact with air. This technique works like the Great Fireball jutsu, but instead of fire, poison is expelled form the mouth. 

It also requires a vast knowledge of chemistry and chakra control to avoid being affected by the poison after inhaling it. 

» PREPARED NEEDLE SHOT (C-rank, Offensive): This technique throws needles coated with poison at a high speed. 

» MEDICAL NINJUTSU Medical Ninjutsu is a branch of ninjutsu dedicated to the restoration or repair of any damage produced in the body by pouring and using chakra to accelerate the process of healing.

Presumably, Medical Ninjutsu needs Yang Release type to be able to alter the physical properties and accelerate the healing process.

There are different techniques applied to heal the body depending on the difficulty of the injury. Shizune is the third best medic-ninja in the world and second to Tsunade, who was surpassed by her disciple Sakura Haruno. She is also an expert of poisons and bases her offensive attacks on her knowledge of toxins. Currently, she still serves as a medic-ninja in Konoha Hospital. 

— Mystical Palm Technique (A-rank, Supplementary): The most basic healing jutsu. It allows the body to accelerate the healing process without any medical equipment.

This technique is taught to aspiring medic-ninjas to help them develop their chakra control. According to Tsunade, Shizune was a prodigy at mastering this technique and it set the bar high for the other student of the Sannin.

Although this technique is what transforms any shinobi into a medic-ninja and is the universal healing technique, its capabilities can be developed and enhanced to their full potential. 

We never see Shizune use this technique to a higher degree whatsoever, but her talents made her a jōnin level medic, which means she achieved near godly healing skills and sits high among the Medic Corps.

(The Medic Corps are those professional medic-ninjas that dedicate their skills to advanced medical ninjutsu and work in Konoha Hospital. In the present, Shizune works aiding her junior, Sakura Haruno, the director. More information here).

— Healing Resuscitation Regeneration (A-rank, Supplementary): This is a high-skill cooperative technique used by jōnin level Medic Corps to regenerate a missing part of the body using DNA from the hair (or other parts of the body).

The use of this technique is very draining and it requires concentration and skill, which is why only jōnin level medics are able to use it. 

Shizune is not a very versatile ninja, being only proficient in ninjutsu. However, she counts on advanced medical ninjutsu knowledge and intelligence that she applies to develop techniques that allow her to attack if she were in an adverse situation.

This level of medical ninjutsu knowledge made her a renowned medic, being hailed as second to Tsunde. Even if she was ultimately surpassed by her fellow junior and student, Sakura Haruno, Shizune is still an asset in Konoha and provides medical care as an active worker for the Medical Department.

This list features 4 jutsu: 2 are ninjutsu and 2 are medical ninjutsu.

1. Poison Mist 2. Prepared Needle Shot 3. Mystical Palm Technique 4. Healing Resuscitation Regeneration

End.

[icemunmun-spicy-scalpel]

I realize that I need to answer a few questions here. I have over time answered these over on Twitter but not here. So here goes for all my dear anons -

1. What is your early access period?

- It is 3 weeks (21+/-1 day depending upon the month)

- I always try to release stuff on the same dates every month. But this may change in case of patches, work emergency, personal emergency/illness

2. Why does your public release dates look so weird?

I use the DD/MM/YY format

3. How do I report mod issues ?

Either comment on the individual posts or the reporting post on my blog

4. Do you accept requests?

To avoid getting overwhelmed by requests, I take requests from my Tartosa Tier Patrons.

For my other patrons I often post about themes and ask for suggestions.

For everyone else, I have a suggestion/request tab on my blog. You can post there and if I like the idea I may take it up if I have time!

5. Will you write a tutorial?

I am sorry to say that I find writing tutorials to be the single most unenjoyable aspect of my simming experience so most likely I wont. Maybe it is to do with the fact that I teach hundreds of medical students as part of my job and I dont want to do any teaching here.

But if you get stuck anywhere feel free to ask me. I will help if I can!

6. Why is your English weird ?

I am from India and English is not my mother tongue. Also Indian version of English has some peculiar phrases and grammar.

7. How do you get time to do everything?

I sleep about 4-5 hours a day 🥲 But thankfully most days I dont need more sleep than that unless I am sick 🥺

8. Why do you not comment on current issues surrounding the sims community?

I do on Twitter when I am aware of it. But most likely will never do on tumblr. Because I feel the atmosphere has changed. Its no longer the tumblr from earlier days and a lot of the interactions seems to be not my style.

Plus I follow Sims 3 blogs, sims 4 blogs of my friends and sims 4 blogs who post pretty gifs and pictures + a million food blogs and so my dash isnt very current on the sims 4 issues apart from the odd reblog. I am going to use my twitter strategy and keep stuff muted because real life is stressful enough 🥺

[echoalyssa]

Hi! I wanted to ask you if you could rewrite the Cheating Chase request a made a little time ago but with Jaden with the reader being famous just like him and the whole situation havin' an impact on internet and with their (shared) friends or you could write a part 2 for Cheating Chase request but only if it's not gonna bother you in any way...

❤Thank you!❤I LOVE YOUR WRINTTING❤

Warnings: Some naughty time is inferred in this!

Jaden’s music is pounding through his surround sound speaker system. He’s throwing another party. One of his signatures. Bryce is chanting “Shots shots shots!”

Jaden’s busy making out with his girl. He’s got her pressed against a wall.

“Wanna ditch my own party?” He murmurs into her ear. 

She giggles and begins to lead his girlfriend to his bedroom. A girl bumps into his shoulder hard but he barely notices, just continues steering his girlfriend to his room.

When they’re done and getting dressed he wonders where his phone has gone. It had been in his back pocket before...

A knock on the door startles him. It’s the girl who had bumped into him earlier. At least he thinks it was. He’s really not sure. He doesn't look at anyone who isn't his girl.

“You dropped this. Bryce said you were up here.”

Jaden vaguely notes her creepy smile but quickly forgets once his phone is back and his girl calls for him.

~~~ You’re barely home from Jaden’s party when your phone begins to blow up. IT vibrates almost continually, calls and texts filling up the screen. All want you to check Jaden’s instagram.

You plop down on the couch and answer the call from Mads, your best friend.

“Have you checked!?” She shrieks, loud enough that you have to take the phone off of speaker-phone for a second.

“I’m checking now! But what can possibly be so urg-”

No. This can’t be right... it can’t... there, one of his most recent posts, theres no way.

It’s a set of nudes, captioned ‘my beautiful baby girl’ with a kissy face emoji. Except.. those aren't your nudes which means... not that you'd want your nudes posted but...

Mads, taking your silence as an answer whispers, “Y/N I am so sorry.”

You can't speak, your fingers go numb. Your phone falls from your grip and clatters as it hits the floor and bounces.

Mads is speaking but you can't hear her. Your heart feels like its beating a mile a minute.

There had to be some sort of explanation, if you just called him he would be able to clear this up. Right? Right!?

So you pick up your phone, Mads is saying that she’ll make the friend group unfollow him. You excuse yourself, hang up, and dial Jaden. It rings, and rings, and rings, Then, “Hey it’s Jaden. Hit me up later!”

You try again. And again. And again. You get his voicemail every time.

Somehow you’re all the emotions at once. You pull up his instagram, and this time your notice your name is no longer in his bio the way it had been for so long.

‘That’s it.’ You think. 

You unfollow him on instagram, remove his name from your own bio, and delete all the pictures of the two of you together. 

Then you go to Snapchat and un-add him. His contact gets deleted, you unfollow him on twitter and delete his face from your camera roll. 

Satisfied as you can be, you fall into bed and let the tears come.

~~~

By the early afternoon of the next day the gossip is at full roar. You venture on to youtube, and right there, the first video you see is by ‘annaoop’ who is almost the most well known gossip youtube channel focusing on tiktokers.

‘Jaden Hossler cheats on Y/N L/N’ the title reads. Something within you compels you to click on it. 

Her voice rings, talking about ‘tea’. She shows the censored versions of the pictures from his instagram. They’re basically just one blurred skin colored square. 

“How dare he? He hasn’t commented on it at all... Y/N deleted photos of the two of them such as this one from their trip to Bondi Beach.”

The series of photos she displays make your heart clench. ‘Annaoop’ then begins to pull up the followers page on Jaden’s instagram. 

She informs you and the rest of her viewers that Mads, Nessa, Thomas, Petrou, Chase Hudson, Charli, Mia, and others have unfollowed Jaden’s instagram, and sided with you.

From the way she narrates you can tell she’s on your ‘side’. Apparently, Bryce has unfollowed you and written on his Twitter that Jaden would not be making a statement until he talked to you. Except he wasn't even trying to talk to you.

Your fans are going after Jaden, and from the screenshots some are getting ruthless. Some fans have even jumped ship from Jaden to you.

And then theres the die hard Jaden fans of his that are trashing you for not being good enough to him. It had already been established that it wasn't your body because it had a tattoo that you didn't.

Your phone is still blowing up but you don't truly want to talk about it. So instead you post a statement to your instagram and twitter. 

‘I haven’t been able to reach Jaden. We are no longer together because of the incident. Just because this happened does not mean I want or condone you attacking him or any of his friends and family. I love y'all and I will be okay <3 Y/N.’

No sooner than you had posted the statements, theres a loud pounding at your door. Very reluctantly, you open it.

It’s Nessa, she rushes in gushing. “Jaden’s coming here. I heard from Josh who heard from Blake, who heard from-”

��Nessa!” You interrupt, “When?”

“Well you know how bad at math I am but hypothetically, I mean technically he should be here soon!”

And as if right on cue, there’s the sound of your doorbell followed by rapid knocking by a heavier hand.

“I’ll go out the back door so he doesn't see me. Good luck, I love you! Call me if you need anything!” She gives you a quick and fleeting hug and then darts off.

He’s still pounding at your door. And having no other choice, you let him in. As soon as you do he's speaking so quickly that you can barely understand him. 

“Y/Nwhyhaventyoubeenansweringmeivebeencallingandcallingandcallingyouandyouhaventansweredandisawyourannouncementthatwerebrokenup-”

“Did you also happen to see the pictures you posted on your instagram?” You cross your arms.

“Ofcoursebutisweartoyouandeverythingreally-”

“Slow down or we can’t have a conversation Jaden.”

He gives you one sharp nod and takes a few big breaths. “Do you remember at my party when I got knocked by some girl?”

You frown, “No, and I don’t see what that has to do with anything.”

“Well, thats the thing. It was orchestrated to look inconspicuous. She must have taken my phone then because after we were alone... y’know... well she showed up. Gave me my phone claiming I dropped it and Bryce told her where to find me except he didn't. She’s been stalking me Y/N. That’s how she found my room, knew my password. You know I have more respect for women than to post their nudes. You have to believe me! She blocked you from my phone, thats why nothing went through!”

It made sense... and you should believe him but what if he was just a really good liar? So many people were involved in your relationship and now this drama. You’d always tried to keep the private details of your life well... private. But life in the spotlight often prevented that. Maybe the damage had been done. Maybe it was too late. You just didn't know.

“I need to think about it Jaden.”

[reds-self-ships]

THIS POST IS NO LONGER UP-TO-DATE.

For the latest version of this post, please click here ⬇️

------------

Welcome! 👋

My name is Red, I'm 23, my pronouns are he/him and I'm gay for my F/Os who are also gay for each-other.

I romantically self-ship with:

ʀʏᴜɴᴏꜱᴜᴋᴇ ɴᴀʀᴜʜᴏᴅᴏ✨ (ᴛʜᴇ ɢʀᴇᴀᴛ ᴀᴄᴇ ᴀᴛᴛᴏʀɴᴇʏ ᴄʜʀᴏɴɪᴄʟᴇꜱ) - OTP: Red Dragon (husband—m. 12th of May 2021)

ᴋᴀᴢᴜᴍᴀ ᴀꜱᴏɢɪ⚔️ (ᴛʜᴇ ɢʀᴇᴀᴛ ᴀᴄᴇ ᴀᴛᴛᴏʀɴᴇʏ ᴄʜʀᴏɴɪᴄʟᴇꜱ) - OTP: Red Headband (boyfriend/partner)

ᴊᴜᴅɢᴇ Q🃏 (ᴛʜᴇ ɢᴏᴅ ᴏꜰ ʜɪɢʜ ꜱᴄʜᴏᴏʟ) - OTP: Red Joker (boyfriend/partner)

ᴄʜᴜʏᴀ ɴᴀᴋᴀʜᴀʀᴀ🍷 (ʙᴜɴɢᴏ ꜱᴛʀᴀʏ ᴅᴏɢꜱ) - OTP: Red Wine (boyfriend/partner)

ʀᴀɴᴘᴏ ᴇᴅᴏɢᴀᴡᴀ🔍 (ʙᴜɴɢᴏ ꜱᴛʀᴀʏ ᴅᴏɢꜱ) - OTP: Red Detective (boyfriend/partner)

ᴋɪʏᴏᴛᴀᴋᴀ "ʜᴏʟᴍᴇꜱ" ʏᴀɢᴀʜꜱʜɪʀᴀ⚱️(ʜᴏʟᴍᴇꜱ ᴏꜰ ᴋʏᴏᴛᴏ) - OTP: Red Vase (boyfriend/partner)

ᴢɪᴍᴇʟᴜ 🤖 (ɴᴏ ꜱᴛʀᴀɪɢʜᴛ ʀᴏᴀᴅꜱ) - OTP: Red Robot (boyfriend/partner)

ꜱᴇʙᴀꜱᴛɪᴀɴ ᴍᴏʀᴀɴ 🔫 (ᴍᴏʀɪᴀʀᴛʏ ᴛʜᴇ ᴘᴀᴛʀɪᴏᴛ) - OTP: Red Rifle (boyfriend/partner)

ʀᴀɪᴢᴏ ᴋᴜʀɪᴍᴀ 🤺 (ʀᴇᴠᴇɴɢᴇʀ) - OTP: Red Revenger (boyfriend/partner)

ᴠᴏɴ ʜᴇʀᴅᴇʀ ⚙️ (ᴍᴏʀɪᴀʀᴛʏ ᴛʜᴇ ᴘᴀᴛʀɪᴏᴛ) - OTP: Red Gun Freak (boyfriend/partner)

A list of my platonic F/Os is available on my Carrd. See the link below!

⛔Do Not Interact if:🚫

You're LGBTQ+phobic (incl. TERFs, exclusionaries, "gender critical," etc.);

You're a proshipper (incl. anti-anti, FAIAs, comship, etc.);

You're an MAP/PEAR/etc., and;

You're here to cause drama or discourse.

This blog operates a scorched earth, zero-tolerance policy on abusive/hurtful messages or content. Perpetrators will be blocked on-sight.

Here's a link to my Carrd with all the info you might need.

Here’s my Twitter account…

https://www.twitter.com/reds_self_ships

And below the cut are some FAQs.

Q: Do you ever send anon hate 🗣?

A: I never send anon hate. If you want to double-check whether it was me sent a hate message on anon or not, contact me directly. I also send asks from @altamont498 (my main blog) when anon isn’t an option or upon request.

Q: Do you ever post spoilers for certain series? ⚠

A: Yes - spoilers may be posted from the different series my F/Os are from. These aren't always marked - so browse with caution.

Q: Do you take NS//FW (not safe for work/“explicit”) asks/submissions? 😳

A: NS//FW stuff has been officially transferred over to @reds-self-shipsafterdark, my NS//FW blog, though said blog is officially for adults only.

Some NS//FW content still remains from the past. These are tagged #NSFW and #Smut as appropriate.

Q: What are your self-ship tags 🏷?

A: You can find the tags above! They're the ones that look like #otp: red ________.

I may on occasion use the character name and the tag #self ship, so you can filter accordingly using Tumblr’s in-built tag filtering system or your favourite Tumblr-enhancing web extension/app.

Q: I also ship myself with these guys, can I still follow and/or interact? 👉👈🥺

A: You sure can! But I'd prefer if you asked me first.

Q: Can I add you on Discord? ➕💬

A: Sure! My Discord name is available upon request.

If your Discord name is different to your Tumblr name (e.g. on Tumblr you’re “sampleusername123″ and on Discord you’re “otherusername456#123″) then please contact me to let me know the difference in order to avoid disappointment.

If I don't otherwise recognise the username then the request will be declined.

Q: Why do you use stylised text when writing out character names or fandom names instead of plain text?

A: I use stylised names to make sure that the name can be communicated across in full where appropriate, but also to ensure that some of my posts don't make it out into general circulation.

Especially because I know that some people don't want self ship content clogging up certain tags out there on Tumblr.

I know that this can cause issues for people who are reliant on screenreaders, and for that I can only apologise.

For those in need of filters, you can block the aforementioned tags.For all further enquiries, please send me an ask or drop me a private message.

[1ddotdhq]

🥤 Thurs Sept 10 🎸

Louis’ milkshakes bring ALLLL the boys to the yard, apparently! Almost five years ago, the boys went on James Corden’s carpool karaoke segment, stopped by a McDonalds, and ordered some food. That footage has never been seen before, despite years of fan requests. It STILL has never been seen in its entirety, but we’ll get to that.

Yesterday, Ben Winston went on twitter to engage with three year old tweets, hinting that he might release the footage. Then, because it wasn’t odd enough, the Late Late Show With James Corden got involved, and seemed to confirm that something WOULD be happening on the show. So fans stayed up to watch, and wait. Then, once the show started, James (wearing a honeybee pin on his tie) shot down the idea of kidnapping the boys to put the band back together (“they’re a boy band, not Humpty Dumpty!”), but played a highly edited segment of public and previously unseen footage of the band on the Late Late Show.

The unseen footage included a ten second reel of what must’ve been 15 minutes or so at a drive through. Niall got a Big Mac, Liam got chicken nuggets, Harry got an iced tea, and Louis got an Egg McMuffin with sausage, two hash browns, and the infamous milkshake. Why is this milkshake so notorious? Well, because a clever McDonalds worker took a picture of the band as they rolled through the McDonalds, and Harry could be seen sipping on the milkshake.

In this new footage, Louis ordered the milkshake, took a sip, and handed it back to the McDonald’s employee (“I don’t want this, actually, darling, could you take it back?”). Harry can be seen drinking his tea with a displeased expression, and munching on a hash brown. Wait, what? Didn’t Harry only order the ice tea, you’re asking. And you’re right! Louis, apparently, ordered two hashbrowns and happily handed one over to his mortal enemy! Wow, clearly they can’t stand each other, I don’t know what to tell you *shrug*.

It is very important for me to note that although this is clearly the sequence of events that took place, due to the other pictures that we have and the footage that they themselves released, they did not SHOW any of this. It was, again, a highly edited clip with tons of jump cuts for a really mundane action. Why did Ben Winston feel the need to cut out all interaction between these to ~super straight hetero bros~ band mates? Well, I guess make your own conclusions.

And speaking of odd occurrences and forming conclusions, let’s talk about signed bright red guitars! About a month ago, Harry signed a guitar and donated it to MusiCares COVID relief auction. It was expected to sell for anywhere from $3000 - $5000. It sold for $28000. Well, $28,125 to be precise. It was an anonymous auction, and there were six other bids on the guitar. The money has all gone to the relief fund, and the guitar has gone (or is on its way) to its new home. In completely unrelated news, I’m certainly going to be eyeing Louis’ guitar collection from here on out.

Meanwhile, Liam released his “cosmic” Midnight music video, which is a highly stylized, socially distanced performance of the song over a green screen, which was turned into the collections of stars and planets and supernovae dancing around Liam and Alesso. I have to say that regardless of my feelings on the video, Liam’s voice always leaves me speechless, and that song has been playing on loop since I watched the video. Can’t wait to see what’s next from him!

And in other music news, Zayn (or his team) added the radio edit of Dusk ‘Til Dawn ft. Sia to Icarus Falls on Spotify! They had previously added a longer version of the song, which had been streamed less, so the new addition of the Radio Edit brought Icarus Fall’s total streams to over 2 billion! WILD!! This does seem to be a lead up to something, as Zayn took to Instagram to post a Polaroid of his back tat, captioned “Got some stuff to show ya soon!”. I. LITERALLY. CANNOT. WAIT.

[martinijordan]

About:

You can call me Latte. I'm over 21, autistic, & Non Binary. I've been drawing since childhood & I am self taught. Please be aware there will be spicy things here and there. So, for that reason I consider this to be an 18+ blog. Minors please steer clear.

LINKS:

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Commissions info

INPRNT

FAQ:

Please do not request me to draw Loustat. I focus mostly on Lestat×Armand. There are PLENTY of other artists that draw Loustat and its a popular enough ship, so I'm sure you can find plenty of art of it. The same really goes for Lestat × Louis × Armand as a trio. I'm not into it, so I won't draw it.

I draw devil's minion art indirectly or sparingly. I thought it was cute so I do engage every now and then but I rarely draw overtly shippy art unless I feel like it.

I don't have any intention to draw show versions of the characters on my own, but you are free to commission me to draw those versions.

However, if If you commission me, you are allowed to ask me for ships I dont draw and for show versions.

I am a proshipper. You ship something I don't? That's cool with me. Even the ships I mentioned earlier I don't draw are 100% fine with me. I won't berate anyone over it (I just ask you not to urge me to draw it.) But since I notice this happening lately, I just have to say: if you have "proshippers DNI" and follow me anyway, thats on you. Just know I already noticed you here, haha.

You are allowed to use my art as profile pictures on tumblr or other social media sites so long as there is proper credit. I know Discord is harder to attach credit, but feel free to use my art as a pfp there, too. I just honestly ask for credit where possible.

Please do not repost my art. If you want me to post a piece on instagram, facebook or twitter, that I haven't already, please let me know. The same goes for INPRNT.

Feel free to send requests. I wont promise I will do everything, I am selective so I may decline things if they are not something I'm into. But I do try to get to most things with various levels of completion to them. Requests OPEN

I try to post at least once a week or every other day, but I do take weekends off from posting. If you notice I'm quiet during those days, that's why. If I'm on hiatus, it may take longer for me to post, but I do check this blog daily, so if you message me or send an ask, I will see it.

Sometimes artblock does hit and it can last a week or more. But I'm not completely gone, I promise!

Feel free to send me asks!

[milkbreadtoast]

INFO ON WHY THE US POSTAL SERVICE IS IN TROUBLE + HOW TO HELP (IF YOU LIVE IN THE US)!! If you don’t live in the US, please share for your US followers!!

CONSOLIDATED INFO INTO IMAGES THAT CAN BE SAVED/SHARED!! click images to read!! (plaintext below the cut) Feel free to repost these anywhere!!

TLDR VERSION:

use resistbot (text RESIST to 50409, OR dm @resistbot on twitter) to call and write your reps

ask your reps to support: HEROES Act, USPS Fairness Act, and Delivering For America Act !!

it only takes a few min!

link to my twitter thread about this

store.usps.com

(sorry the format got messed up when i copypasted)

THE US POSTAL SERVICE IS IN DANGER Why? Here's the main points: 

* The USPS has been defunded by Republicans for years in an effort to make it non viable so it can be privatized.  * Notably, the GOP-sponsored "Postal Accountability and Enhancement Act" of 2006 forced the USPS to prepay worker's pensions for the next 75 years. Due to this act alone, the USPS went from running a profit to being billions of dollars in debt. * Lately, the coronavirus pandemic has led even more people than usual to rely on the USPS to ship things. It has become extremely overwhelming for postal workers, and they are not provided PPE. However, Trump cut the USPS from receiving any covid relief. * Here's where it gets even scarier. Postmaster General DeJoy, the first postmaster with 0 postal working experience    * is a huge Trump donor    * holds stock in several private shipping companies, creating a serious Conflict of interest. In other words, it HELPS him to DESTROY the service he is supposed to lead * over the past few months he's been implementing change after change to sabotage the USPS. Here are just a few:    * Shutting down mail-sorting machines so workers must do it by hand.    * Requiring post offices to purposely delay mail    * Requiring letter carriers to leave mail to avoid extra trips.    * Prohibiting overtime pay.    * removing/destroying mail sorting machines in key election cities        * 1. Battleground states (OH, PA, FL, MI, WI, IL)        * 2. NY & Philly: liberal leaning cities in incumbent-targeted states        * 3. Houston: city w/ the highest black pop in TX (4th in US)    * removing/destroying mailboxes * Trump is openly admitting to trying to destroy the USPS to suppress voting and rig the election in his favor. Quote: "Now they need that money in order to make the post office work so it can take all of these millions and millions of ballots...But if they don’t get those two items that means you can’t have universal mail-in voting...” * FINALLY: Postal Workers have been trying to spread the word that vote-by-mail may not be safe in the upcoming election, due to inevitable Trump sabotage. Instead, they recommend:    * vote early in person    * use a ballot drop box    * drop off your ballot at an election office or polling location    * organize community ballot collection    * *note: some options may not be available in your state so pls check * Request your ballot ASAP!! So... how do we help save the USPS?! The answer: call/write to your reps!!! 

HOW TO CALL/WRITE: you can google who your reps are and how to contact them, but the EASIER way is to use resistbot: * text RESIST to 50409, or... * direct message @resistbot on twitter Resistbot will walk you through creating an account if it's your first time! Simply follow the prompts. The bot is very polite and user friendly, honestly it's pretty fun to use Keep calls short, but writing can be longer! Feel free to make it personal! Write about what the USPS means to you/why you need it!! When writing, make sure to write a slightly different message every time and do not copy and paste, or it can be filtered out. when calling: state your name & zip code ex) Hi, my name is  and my zip code is . My callback number is __. I am calling to ask you to please...

CALLING SENATORS: Vote YES/ IN FAVOR OF: * HR 6800: HEROES Act * to get the USPS direly needed funding and PPE * HR 2382/ S.2965: USPS Fairness Act * repeals the requirement that the USPS prepay pensions These two acts have passed the house but not moved in the Senate!! Please urge your senator to vote on them! CALLING YOUR HOUSE REP: * Delivering for America Act(new) * undos Postmaster General Dejoy's harmful changes to USPS operation * just introduced! ask ur rep to support it!! The House has oversight capabilities: Ask them to investigate Postmaster General Dejoy's policies that have been crippling the USPS, and his conflicts of interest owning stock in private mail courier companies: - Delaying mail creating a massive backlog. - Shutting down mail-sorting machines so workers must do it by hand. - Requiring letter carriers to LEAVE MAIL BEHIND to avoid extra trips. - Prohibiting overtime pay. 

make saving the post office a NATIONAL PRIORITY! Some reasons we need the USPS voting medication taxes small businesses many areas in the US rely on the USPS to send and receive any mail period we rely on USPS during pandemic elderly, veteran, minority/POC workers postal workers have inadequate covid protection/PPE shipping couriers (UPS, FEDEX, etc) outrageous prices (14$ vs 60$ for shipping small parcel internationally) Feel free to make it personal! Write about what the USPS means to you/why you need it!!

Finally, OTHER WAYS TO HELP (in addition to calling, not in place of!!) * Buy stamps at store.usps.com ! This is the most direct way to donate to them * Support and buy from small businesses/artists who rely on the USPS to ship! (hate to say it but...if the USPS becomes non-viable and many go out of business...please buy from them while you still can ) 

[amydancepants-peralta]

hiiii!!! i’m coming to our queen of smut to make a request: i was watching yippee kayak last night and i had this vision of jake going home and ~~~~~”warming” amy up after the polar plunge... i don’t think anyone has written this version of a post 3.10 fic and i just think you would be the best one so if you feel inspired by this i would love to read it!! 💕💕

ok so I really loved this idea and it took me forever but here goes!  rated NSFW for all of you playing at home, and can be found here if it’s easier ♥️

everything comes back to you 

Jake’s eyes squeeze shut as he follows Amy’s descent into his couch below, ignoring the scratchy crumbs of yesterday’s breakfast and sliding his fingers into her hair, deepening the kiss he’d initiated only seconds earlier.  Returning his heated embrace with an equal amount of fervour, Amy's nimble fingers ripple along the buttons of his flannel with the practised ease of someone who’d buttoned it only 15 hours earlier; impatiently shoving the fabric out of the way as it parts, and Jake lets out a sigh of satisfaction when it hits the floor with a soft thud.  

It has been close to two hours since he and Charles had finished their debrief (and taken down Flamethrower Gina - or FlameGrrl, if her new twitter handle was anything to go by); and after finding a quiet Amy waiting for him at their desks, the couple had made a beeline for Jake’s apartment, the unspoken need for some Thank God You’re Alive sex crackling between them on the drive home.  

Amy’s two jackets hadn’t lasted more than three steps inside Jake’s apartment, his own leather  discarded a mere second later; and in their newly horizontal position things were moving along pretty well - save for the minor detail that whenever he closes his eyes, Jake cannot seem to get the image of a confessed murderer pointing his gun directly at him out of his mind.  

None of this evening was playing out the way he’d imagined, kissing Amy goodbye earlier this morning from the comfort of her sofa when she left for an early start.  His first Christmas with a Serious Girlfriend in forever, Jake had put a lot of time and effort into selecting just the right gifts; and his plan for a sneaky early unwrapping of a couple of presents (followed, hopefully, by the unwrapping of Amy) had been waylaid by a most inconvenient - but incredibly dangerous - hostage situation in the middle of a department store.  

It was the stuff that only the best kind of Christmas movies are made of (even if he didn’t get to say the Cool Catchphrase), but now that he was home - now that they were home - Jake was beginning to realise just how close he’d come to losing it all.  

Initiating another kiss, Jake closes his eyes even tighter - tight enough to watch the tiny stars as they float by - and even though the plan to just keep kissing Ames until the bad thoughts go away had seemed solid; he eventually has to come up for air, tucking his head into the juncture of her neck and sighing as the scent of his girlfriend numbs the sharp teeth of unwanted memories.  

Amy’s voice is soft when she speaks, but he’d hear her in a hurricane, and the sound carries over tangled limbs before landing at their un-socked feet.  “I didn’t feel it.”

It’s an odd statement - and definitely not something that one expects to hear during a pre-sex makeout - and it prompts Jake to glance downwards at their still very covered bottom halves, returning to respond with an eloquent - “Huh?”

Her head tips back ever so slightly, just enough for Jake’s eyes to lock onto hers, and the seriousness of her look cuts him to the quick.  “My phone.  I didn’t feel it … the vibrations from your texts.  You know, through the jacket.”  Her fingernails scrape the edge of his hairline, and she shakes her head in frustration.  “So puffy.  I couldn’t feel anything, including the cold, which I guess is the point, but … I didn’t feel it.”

Jake nods, feeling his lips purse up.  There was definitely a point, between texts numbers four and seven, when he’d begun to question if Amy was ever going to answer.  But he’d kept texting, based purely on the way she looked at him that very morning, ruffling his hair when he’d woken up and bidding him goodbye with the kind of kiss that made his heart thump long after she’d gone.  He had hoped there would be a reason why, and the sincerity in her eyes now said it all. 

A coolness remains in the wake of her hands as they shift away, voice growing more determined as she continues.  “But, Jake … I need you to understand something.”  She digs her elbows into the couch for leverage, waiting as Jake scoots backwards to accommodate and shuffling up to a seated position; their makeout session taking a temporary pause.  “As soon as I realised, I came running.”

It’s a sorry without saying it, an apology for taking so long to respond to his barrage of texts, and the automatic response of it’s fine, babe bubbles up Jake’s throat.  There’s still a part of him, the same part that once came to work with multiple injuries and pretended everything was fine, that wanted to brush this whole evening away and act like everything was normal.  It was the Peralta way to compartmentalise and move on, but with his girlfriend of seven months (and partner for so much longer) sitting in front of him, suddenly Jake didn’t want to simply shrug it all away.  

His mouth feels dry, and he knows his voice has gone soft, but he answers before he can’t.  “I was really scared, Ames.  For a moment there, I - ” there are too many options for the end of the sentence, and all the fears jumble out from that corner of his mind he’d been pushing them into all evening.  His stomach twists, and he tries again.  “I really thought ..”

Moving closer still, Amy’s knees knock against Jake’s as she wraps her arms around his neck, pulling him in for the kind of comforting hug he’d unknowingly craved.  She whispers I was scared too, the reality of what could have been washing over them for a moment, and Jake realises that this moment right here on the couch was what he’d be needing all evening.

It isn’t until their makeout has begun again - albeit of a slightly softer, reassuring variety - that Amy nestles closer to Jake, sliding her hands underneath his shirt; and it’s the almost freezing temperature of her palms that pull him out of his kissing Amy stupor. 

“Whoa!  Ames, your hands really are on a whole other level of cold.”

(Truth be told, the first time he’d noticed, they were still on the sidewalk outside Goodwin’s; kissing way more than he thought they would with their colleagues and superior officers all within viewing distance.  But he’d been a little distracted at the time, too caught up in the temporary high that came with the realisation that not only had he just lived through his very own Die Hard hostage experience - he, too, had a beautiful woman outside who was so glad he was okay, and honestly, those two things packed together really did make for a stellar - if short lived - moment of bliss.)

Pulling away, Amy inspects her palms as though checking for icicles before looking back at Jake.  “I’m telling you babe, I really might have hypothermia.”

“Wait … you actually did the polar bear swim?”

“Ugh.”  Resting back on her heels, Amy rolls her eyes in exasperation.  “Not exactly, no.  I tried!  But … I just couldn’t go through with it.  Holt and Rosa went in while I stayed on the beach like a chicken.”  Shrugging her shoulders, she continues.  “It wasn’t until I read all your messages and realised what was happening that …” 

The cogs slowly begin to turn in Jake’s brain.  “You had to …?”

“I ran into the ocean to get them.”

He blinks.  “You.  Amy Santiago; perpetual blanket stealer, and the only person who could land on the sun and still find it a little chilly, ran into the freezing Atlantic?”

She nods, her eyes wide and somber, and Jake’s heart squeezes in his chest.  “I can’t believe you did that.”

Her hands move to either side of his face, the contrast in temperatures suddenly feeling like nothing at all; freshly armed with the knowledge that the woman in front of him had run into the very thing she hated, just for him.  “I told you, Jake.  As soon as I knew.”  She leans in to press her lips against his, and Jake runs his hands along her wrists, giving Amy a contented smile when she pulls away.  “Bonus points to you for knowing it’s the Atlantic, by the way.” 

There are a thousand different responses running through Jake’s mind, all of them showing varying degrees of being the right answer for right now, but in the end the only thing that he manages to sputter out is a simple - “You’re amazing.”  

(Short, yet most definitely true.)

“You were in danger, babe.  Nothing else matters when it comes to that.”

A scarily familiar lump forms in Jake’s throat; the same one that had choked his voice up right before he’d confessed his feelings to his college girlfriend Camille - aka, the girl who broke up with him only a day later - and his stomach begins to twist incessantly.  

Amy had dropped everything to find him - he, Jake Peralta, a man who’s clean washing pile sits dangerously close to his dirty washing pile (i.e. both on the floor), who’s teeth hold more cavities than a third grader hopped up on pixie sticks, who’s punching well above his weight every single time he gets to hold her in his arms.  This intelligent, beautiful, courageous woman considered his safety to be more important than anything else, and the words I love you I love you I love you were growing dangerously close to his spilling out of his mouth.  

It wasn’t a new thing, to know that he loved her.  He practically vibrated it out of every pore of his body.  (Had a dream once, that he’d painted it on a billboard over the expressway.)  But it was one thing to know it - to know only a few days in that the two of them together was greater than anything he’d ever been a part of - and another thing altogether to actually say it out loud.  He’s been here before, and knows all too well how much it hurts when it goes unreciprocated (the danger, he knows, of wearing your heart on your sleeve: but there, it shall remain).  Rejection and heartache are not a new experience for Jake by a long shot - but just the thought of it coming from Amy was too frightening to contemplate.  

The urge to escape the seriousness, the voice inside his head screaming deflect! deflect! overpowers the rest of Jake (it’s strength in it’s familiarity), and he leans in to capture Amy’s lips in a kiss far more passionate than any they’d shared this evening.  Sighing against her mouth as she melts into his embrace, he uses the space between them as they part to mumble,  “I think it’s about time I warmed you up then, hmm?”

“Thought you’d never offer,”  Amy grins, that sly upturning of her lips that always seems to have a direct line to his penis; and Jake runs his hands along her back, holding her close to his chest as he lifts them both from the couch and deposits them onto his poorly made bed.  

She slips off his undershirt before another moment is wasted, getting to work on the fly of his jeans immediately while Jake leans in for another heated kiss, picking up on her sudden need for more action.  His hips flex against Amy’s familiar touch as her hand slides underneath, nudging the zipper of his jeans open with her palm and nursing his growing erection, his responding groan mixing amongst their tangling tongues.  

Wrapping one arm around her back, Jake feels the cool bare skin beneath Amy’s shirt, splaying his fingers out as he pulls her closer.  The blades of her shoulder graze against his fingertips as her hand tightens her grip around his cock, covering his length in the steady strokes that she knows turn him on, and truly - how she manages to make him feel this good every. single. time. has to be some kind of magic.  

His brow furrows slightly as his hands wander to the edge of her waist, noticing what feels like an unusual texture there - but, also aware that he may not be in the most ‘sound mind and body’ state as long as Amy keeps pumping her wrist like that, Jake persists with his path of kisses along his girlfriend’s clavicle.  It isn’t until his fingers return to her front, gripping the bottom of her shirt and sliding it upwards that he feels it again, and this time he pulls away from the love bite he had been nibbling into her neck.  “Wait.  Ames, is that …?”

Shifting his weight onto one side Jake lifts Amy’s shirt a little higher, letting out a halted laugh as a darker lycra fabric begins to appear.  “Are you wearing a bathing suit?”

“Oh God!” Amy’s hands brush past Jake’s bare chest, flying up to cover her face as she lets out a groan, his cock already mourning her departure.  “I kept thinking on the drive over that I needed to get changed before we got too distracted.  But then you kissed me in the hallway, and it all just …” shaking her head, she separates her fingers and peeks out at Jake through the gaps.  “I’m still in Polar Plunge mode.  Ugh, this is probably the least sexiest - ” her protest dies in it’s tracks, courtesy of the gentle pressing of Jake’s fingers against her lips.  

“Babe, no.  You’re sexy all the time, it’s actually insane.  You’d look sexy in a hessian sack, trust me.”  He replaces his fingers with his lips as her hands fall away, pressing just that little bit harder before pulling away to catch her line of sight.  “It just caught me by surprise, is all.”

She grins.  “Like your girlfriend had turned into a seal?”

“A sexy seal,” he nods.  “Hottest in all of New York.”

Her chest rumbles underneath him as she laughs - a loud, carefree laugh, easily one of his most favourite sounds - and Jake joins in, pressing one knee into the mattress as he rises slightly to slide Amy’s shirt away.  She looks up at him with the brightest of eyes as their giggles begin to fade and Jake digs his teeth into his lower lip, the urge to tell her just how much he loves her almost too strong to ignore.

(He considers it for a moment, telling her in this apartment that was always an okay place to sleep but now with Amy feels like a home … but he’s watched enough romantic movies in his time to know that pre or post sex first-time declarations rarely held value - and if there’s anybody that deserves better than that, it’s Amy Santiago.)

Instead, Jake takes his time peeling away her swimwear, pausing to kiss each of Amy’s breasts as the fabric rolls to her midriff, shuffling down the mattress as her hips lift to allow both her pants and the suit to slide away and join his on the floor.  Her legs slide against the sheets with a subtle impatience, a quiet sigh falling from her lips as she feels Jake’s hands skim along the outside of her thighs, and he takes his time forging a trail of kisses before reaching her centre.  

He begins with a special kind of kiss, sucking gently on her clit with every press of his lips, following it up with a rogue lick every second or third go as Amy’s fingers dig into his hair.  They tug as he dips lower, circling her entrance with the tip of his tongue, yanking in reprimand when he presses in then pulls away, all far too quickly for her liking. 

Amy’s skin feels perfect; so comfortably bare against his own as Jake makes his way back up her body, keeping one hand wrapped around her thigh as he leans in for another kiss, waiting until her lips are well and truly occupied before sliding one - then, two - fingers inside where she’s wanting him the most.  She writhes beneath him as he slowly works her up, stoking the flame just enough to push her closer to combustion, feeling the moisture build as her arousal grows with every kiss.    

Letting out a shuddered breath, Amy raises her hips to meet Jake’s touch, her yearning obvious - pushing his fingers away and using her free hand to wrap her fingers around his erection, enticing him closer as she twists her wrist with practised ease.  Ever willing to follow her lead, Jake shifts until the head of his cock is pressing against her centre, holding onto Amy’s gaze and entering slowly with one smooth stroke.  

She sighs in satisfaction as he pushes further in, blinking slowly as their pelvises push up against each other, and for a moment Jake pauses, too caught up in the moment to do anything other than stare.  Amy truly was everything he could have ever dreamed of - and by some amazing twist of fate, she’d chosen him over any other.  

He thinks of the heart-shaped necklace he bought for her, the same one that sits underneath the glittering tree in her living room, and how he knew it belonged on her from the moment he saw it in the store window.  How he’d debated on when to give it to her, knowing the connotation that came from an item of that shape, and how right it had felt to tuck it in with the other presents this morning before he’d left for work.  

Because it was true - she could have his heart, in whatever form it came, and wear it around her neck for all the world to see (even if it does sound slightly Game of Thrones-ish).  Jake Peralta was totally, completely, and unequivocally in love with Amy Santiago.  And even if, right now, he is totally, completely and unequivocally terrified of saying it out loud, he needed her to know just how much a life without her seemed impossible.  

He pulls out halfway, dipping his hip slightly as he thrusts back in, holding himself still as her walls pulse around him.  Somewhere along the way, tonight had become less about having sex because it’s been A Day and he has a sexy girlfriend, and more about making love with the woman he’s beyond afraid to lose - and it felt kind of perfect.  “You should know …” Jake swallows nervously, his mouth suddenly dry.  “I need you to know, Ames.  When he pointed the gun at me, there was only one thought running through my mind … and it was that I might not ever see you again.”

Smiling softly, Amy reaches out to rest a palm against Jake’s cheek, stroking the edge of his cheekbone with her thumb as her body shifts beneath him.  Meeting him halfway for a kiss, her hair splays out on the pillow below as she rests back down, looking up at Jake with a thousand unspoken words lingering between them.  “I don’t know what I’d do without you, Jake.  I can’t imagine ..”  Shaking her head, she pulls him back down for another kiss, tightening her legs around his waist and lifting her pelvis to meet Jake’s thrusts as they begin to move together.  

It’s safe to say that he and Amy have had a lot of sex since becoming Jake and Amy, and each time has been incredible - but there was something about tonight, and the way their bodies just slotted into each other like they’d finally found that perfect match, that made all of the nerves in Jake’s body push into Oh My God mode.  Between the kisses, the wandering hands, and the mingling sighs and moans; it doesn’t take long before his thrusts have sped up, temporarily lost in anything other than focusing on how amazing it feels to be inside Amy while her fingernails dig into his butt.  

She whispers his name, a warm breath against his shoulder as his face tucks into her neck, her legs beginning to shake as her orgasm climbs ever closer.  But Jake wants to show Amy, even if he can’t quite say it yet, just how in love he is - how far he would go for her, how every part of who he is now comes back to being loved by her - and when her hands slide up to the edge of his shoulders in a definite sign that she was moving closer to climax, he slows his thrusts down, desperate to savour the moment.  

He watches as Amy’s brow crinkles in protest, pushing her hips hard against his as her impending orgasm begins to slip away - but he knows that a little edging has never been unwelcome, and so he slows down a little more.  Still, her fingernails sting against his skin as she lets a huff, instigating a steady rhythm for them as Jake hovers above, and he leans down to take the edge off by scraping his teeth along the edge of her neck just the way she likes.  

He slips out of her a moment later, grinning at the groan of protest that falls unbidden from Amy’s mouth and leans in to plant a kiss against her lips before whispering ‘gotta keep you nice and warm, babe.’  Her neck cranes towards his as he pulls away, chasing more, and it’s a request Jake’s never going to deny so he returns to kiss her deeper, letting their tongues slide against each other for a little while as his hands wander further down.

Jake grips his own erection with a steady fist, rotating once or twice - just enough to keep him teetering on the edge - before sliding down the mattress, dotting kisses against Amy’s torso as he makes his intended path clear.  

Her thighs feel smooth against Jake’s palms as he traces the curves of her legs, gently nudging one leg higher until it’s resting against his shoulder.  Completely unable to resist, he sinks his teeth into her inner thigh, suckling just enough to know there’ll be a mark there tomorrow, soothing the ache with gentle kisses as Amy moans softly above him.  The press of her hand against the back of his head silently encourages Jake to move closer to where she wants him, and after digging his fingers into her hips he is only too happy to oblige.  

He takes a slow lick, pushing his tongue against her folds and sighing at the taste of them, the mixture of Amy and a little bit of his own pre-cum.  (The switch from condoms to an implanted birth control was recent, and - dare he say - glorious.)  He pushes forward for another sample, bending slightly so that the bridge of his nose presses against her clit, darting his tongue in and out of her centre as she writhes underneath his touch.  

The feeling of her fingers digging into his hair, and the tightening of her upper thighs against his neck, was the stuff that any great sexual fantasy could ever be constructed of - made all the better by that sweet moment of realisation that this was his life now.  He could do this to Amy now, and not be rudely interrupted by an alarm clock pulling him out of a dream.  He could feel her this way, know her body better than she knew it herself, and Jake didn’t need to escape a hostage situation on Christmas Eve to know that he truly is the luckiest man alive.  

Using his thumb to circle her clit, Jake increases the intensity of his movements as Amy thrashes underneath his touch, pushing her lower body off the mattress as it all become too much.  She calls out a mixture of Jake and babe to his apartment ceiling, too overcome with the way her body was riding the wave of pleasure to care about volume, and Jake stays in position, taking all she has to offer as slowly her grip around his body loosens.  

Panting in the comedown, it takes a moment or two before Amy can move properly, bending her elbows to raise herself up slightly and watch as Jake continues his gentle assault on her body.  “Holy fuck, Jake - that was ..”  her voice fades away, raising a hand and then dropping it just as quickly, flopping back down with a satisfied sigh.  He grins, taking one final lick before casting a tender bite just to the right of her mound, leaving the evidence of her arousal against her skin as he nuzzles into the curve of her hip.    

Grabbing an abandoned pillow, Jake rises and places it perpendicular to Amy’s pelvis; hovering over her still slightly shaking body and gently encouraging her to roll over, positioning the pillow until it lifts her hips in just the right way.  He covers her back with his own body as his cock slides back into home, the change in angles eliciting a moan from both of their mouths, and Jake’s teeth sink gently into Amy’s shoulder blade as he begins to pump his hips in perfectly fluid strokes.  

Amy’s left hand flails out to the mattress, perfectly manicured fingernails gripping onto Jake’s sheets as the two of them begin to move in sync - both of them immediately getting lost in the moment, in this position that was so much better than doggy style - because this way they could feel each other completely, could feel the nerves quivering underneath their skin as they raced closer towards the finish line.  

The feeling of Amy climaxing around his tongue only minutes before had made Jake’s cock harder than ever, and the sensation of her warm body surrounding him now was pushing him closer to losing it completely.  He mouths I love you in-between kisses and licks against her sweaty skin, reaching out to link their fingers together as he pushes harder, sliding his left hand between the pillow and thrumming a delicate pattern against Amy’s sensitive clit.  

“You feel so good Ames, oh god I’m going to come soon … you’re so amazing.”  His forehead presses between the middle of her shoulder blades, leaving the I want this forever part of his sentence unspoken as he lets out a stuttered moan. 

Her legs stretch wider apart, searching for that perfect angle as she moans a stretched out yesss, and Jake really increases his pace when she pauses, pushing her abdomen into the pillow and meeting every thrust with a series of gasping breaths.  

His name falls out of Amy’s mouth in a series of broken syllables as she climaxes, her entire body writhing and coaxing Jake’s own completion out of him as he buries his head into Amy’s neck and lets go completely, spilling inside her with an intensity he hasn’t felt in the longest time.  

Wrapping his arms around Amy’s middle as their heavy breaths begin to slow down, Jake pulls out, twisting to curl his body around Amy’s and nuzzle into her side.  Her still slightly shaking hand reaches back, caressing the base of his neck and humming in contentment, stretching her legs out against Jake’s as she moves.  “Well, Peralta .. I’d say you definitely warmed me up.”

He grins against her skin, peppering kisses along her upper arm as he speaks.  “You think it was worth running into the freezing water for?”

Amy’s hand falls away as she shuffles in his arms, twisting carefully within his embrace until they’re facing each other, pushing a stray lock of hair away from his forehead as she nods.  “You’re worth doing anything for, Jake.”  Her palm, now entirely warm, caresses his cheek as she pulls him in for a kiss, leaving another against the tip of his nose as they part.  “You’re everything.  I hope you know that.”

Jake nods, a noice dying in his throat as he chooses to respond with another kiss before he can ruin the moment.  One day, some day soon, he would find a way to tell Amy how he felt about her - but for now, he needed to be here with the woman he loves, and feel her soft body in his arms as the exhaustion of the day finally begins to catch up with them.  

It’s completely domestic and entirely perfect how they ready themselves for bed; Amy sliding on a pair of Jake’s boxers as she returns from the bathroom, slipping underneath the covers and gravitating towards his warmth without hesitation.  There are whispered goodnights and gentle kisses, arms and legs intertwining as though they were always supposed to be, and a smile that refuses to leave Jake’s face as he begins to drift off to sleep.  

Let the movies have their action-packed explosions and damsels in distress - his reality kicked it’s butt, any day of the week.  There’s an incredibly intelligent, stupidly beautiful woman laying beside him - one that cares for him, worries about his safety, and occupies a little more of his heart with every passing day.  And truly, that’s greater than anything that any blockbuster could possibly bring to the table.

(Although, if he ever needed to, he would totally jump off the roof of a building.  But only to save the day, and clearly only for Amy.)  

(Okay, maybe a little for him as well … but mainly, the Amy thing.)

[tendousthoughts]

Our Plan

Y/N or Ship(s): Ship (KuroKen & BokuAka)

Genre: Fluff/slight angst

Warnings: Mention of not eating/weight, foul language (cursing)

Summary: Does he really love me? I hope so. I love him so much, it hurts. Even though everyone seems to be telling me the same thing... how can I trust them when I don’t see it myself. I won’t confess until I know for sure.

A/N: Heyo! I’m sorry I didn’t post any stories for like a week. I have been really lazy.. I won’t be doing a longer version for this. I am writing this for all the people who got hurt from my last KuroKen fanfic (My Petals). If you can go check out my last fanfic (Mine forever). I might be doing some more headcanons later today/tomorrow. Please go ahead and request/comment/chat me. As always sorry for the grammatical and spelling errors!

Goodbye

There he goes like he was never there. God Kuroo I wish you wouldn’t leave me alone. I am going to miss you so much. ~ Kenma

There was Kuroo sitting on the bench waiting for the train. Holding back his tears. He wished he could believe that Kenma liked him. But he couldn’t, no matter how many people told him otherwise.

Kenma wished he could just confess. But he couldn’t come to agree with the statement that Kuroo liked him.

“Kenma?” Kuroo whispered.

“Mhm?” Kenma mumbled.

“Will you miss me?” He choked out as tears began to flood his eyes.

“Of course, Kuroo” tears began to fall.

Kuroo slowly opened up his arms as kenma slowly entered his grasp. Holding him tight. “Kenma, I’m going to miss you so much,” Kuroo whispered.

“Promise to visit me?” Kenma mumbled hiding his face into his shoulder.

“I wouldn’t miss it for the world.” Kuroo whispered as he closed his eyes. The tear’s wouldn’t stop rolling down his face.

Screeeech

Stop

Gone

Where are you?

Kuroo sat in his new dorm. It’s been one week yet nobody could tell him where Kenma was. Not only that, Kenma wasn’t answering anyone. He couldn’t help but think it was his fault. This was only the first week. The next break he had was about a month from then.

Kenma sat in his bed. He wasn’t hungry. He hadn’t eaten for like a day. He wished Kuroo didn’t leave.

Ring..

Ring..

Ring..

Kenma slowly looked at his phone. Akaashi was calling him.

“Hey..” he grumbled softly as he picked up.

“where the hell have you been?” Akaashi screamed.

“Why?” Kenma didn’t want anything other than to have this phone call over.

“WHY? ARE YOU SERIOUS?” Akaashi screamed.

Fuck. Can everyone leave me alone? ~ Kenma

“Akaashi I am Okay you don’t have to worry nobody does. Can you ask everyone to just leave me the hell alone? I’m not a lost puppy that needs help. I am tired. I know I have to fucking move on okay so don’t go telling me that. I just miss him. Everyone tells me he likes me. Then when we are talking he only talks about a girl he likes. I need people to stop trying to help. They aren’t helping.” Kenma was already crying.

Fuck I’m sorry Kenma. ~ Akaashi

“Kenma.. I am sorry. I didn’t mean to do that. I’m sorry about Kuroo. Please can I just come to check up on you?” Akaashi started. “I won’t- ”

“My House...” Kenma whispered.

“Huh?”

“I’m at my house, You can come check up on me. I want only two people max though. So go ahead and choose someone. I don’t want Kuroo knowing anything about how I’m doing. So choose someone trustworthy.” Kenma mumbled and hung up.

He Doesn’t

Knock..

Knock..

Knock..

Kenma slowly opened the door. There stood Akaashi.

“Hey kenma..” Akaashi smiled as he walked in. The house was a mess.

I’m so sorry Kenma. I don’t know if I have done anything to cause this but if I have I am so fucking sorry. You look so sick. How long have you not brushed your hair? When was the last time you ate something, you’re so pale? When was the last time you slept.. You have really bad eye bags. ~ Akaashi

What the actual hell. Why is nobody concerned about you? Akaashi your eyes are so red. You look almost as tired as me. What the hell are you doing here? Huh? ~ Kenma

“What happened to you?” Kenma laughed. “You look almost as bad as me.”

“What do you mean?” Akaashi smiled softly.

“Why were you crying huh?” Kenma blurted out

“Oh uh, I just miss Bokuto. You?” Akaashi whispered

“Oh that Owl? I miss Kuroo” Kenma tried to lighten the mood

“I know you didn’t just come for Bokuto when Kuroo looks like a rooster” Akaashi laughed.

“He does not!”

“Does too!”

Kenma giggled a bit. “You hungry?”

“Sure,” Akaashi smiled.

“Okay I’ll go make some food, you go take a shower. You look like a mess.”

“I know you didn’t call me a mess!”

“Did too! I’ll take one after you can borrow some of my clothes.” Kenma smiled as he began to make some food.

In about fifteen minutes. Akaashi walked out.

“You and Bokuto are not together?” Kenma took a bite out of his food.

“Um no.. he doesn’t like me.”

“Are you sure? I think he does. All he does is talk about his Akaashi when he comes over.” Kenma smiled.

“H-His?” Akaashi’s heart fluttered.

“Mhm! But he doesn’t think you like him..”

“I do! But then again he might just be calling me his. As a friendly way. Anyway how about you and Kuroo?”

“He said he likes this girl.”

“Oh weird.”

“What do you mean weird?”

“He told me he is gay.” Akaashi looked seriously confused.

“I think it was as a joke ‘Kaashi” Kenma smiled softly. “Bokuto and you would be cute.”

“I wish he would just confess..”

“Why don’t you?”

“Unsure.. I just want to make sure he likes me and just doesn’t feel bad. Dating me out of pity and shit, you know?”

“Ya.. You know we could fake dating. It would help speed up the process of this sappy shit.” Kenma said jokingly.

“I guess... Oh and it will help us find out about you and Kuroo!”

“Oh um okay.. I bet you have been ignoring everyone too?”

“Mhm..”

“ ‘Kay just text everyone ‘Sorry I was busy lately Kenma just confessed to me and we have been going on dates.’ I’ll say the same thing.

Akaashi sent the messages and so did Kenma.

“In like three weeks we will fake a breakup. Just in time for Bokuto and Kuroo to come back!” Akaashi smiled

“Well okay, baby~” Kenma winked and smiled

He did what?

Kuroo stood there looking at the message for a good ten minutes. Trying to see how to respond.

“Oh um.. Congrats.” Kuroo sent as tears rolled down his face.

Bokuto called up Kuroo.

“Hey?” Bokuto shouted.

“Yes?”

“Tell Kenma to back off ! I really really really like ‘Kaashi!”

“I know Bokuto. I wish they weren’t dating..”

“Do you think ‘Kaashi is not good enough for Kenma! Huh? ‘Cause Kenma doesn’t deserve him! ‘Kaashi is the most calm, best, kindest person out there!”

“No Bokuto. I don’t think that, it is just I like him.”

“Oh. Umm well I think when we visit we need to make them fall for us instead!” Bokuto smiled proudly.

“I guess Bokuto but they love each other and we shouldn’t hurt them by doing that.”

Even though I wish you liked me Kenma. I thought you liked me too. Was I not clear enough? Did telling you that I like a girl really confuses you? Or did you really never like me?~ Kuroo

Breakup

Kenma smiled softly. They never kissed. Akaashi wanting to have his first with Bokuto, and Kenma wanting to have it with whoever actually would like him. It being Kuroo or not.

“Ready for part two to be in place?” Kenma smiled softly.

“Yep! So let’s just post on our twitter that we broke up and it was mutual. As well as we realized we both liked other boys so there are no hard feelings. We will still be friends and all.” Akaashi whispered.

“Okay you wanna post it first and in twenty minutes I’ll post mine?”

“Okay.”

I really hope this works.. I don’t know why it would. I really love you though Kuroo. Please if there is any fighting chance... please love me. ~ Kenma

Bokuto-san, I know this might not work. But, I won’t give up. Am I not making it clear enough? I tried to tell you I love you. But you took it as if it was a friend type thing, how many friends tell you that? How do I make it clearer? Do you like me or do you not Bokuto-san? Because, I really like you. ~ Akaashi

Once they were both posted, Kenma and Akaashi just got ready for sleep, not thinking much about it.

My Shot

Kuroo woke up to the sound of his phone. He slowly rubbed his eyes slowly.

“Hey Bokuto you needed something” he whispered softly as he yawned, half asleep.

“ ‘Kaashi and Kenma broke up! So now I can be with ‘Kaashi!” He giggled softly. “I am going to ask him out next week when I see him!”

“What?” Kuroo woke up with that sentence. “They broke up? Do you know how Kenma is?” Kuroo blurted out.

“I don’t know.. But I can be with ‘Kaashi now!” He smiled softly thinking of being with his ‘Kaashi he couldn’t wait.

“Uh okay well talk to you later imma call Kenma.”

“Okayyy~”

Kuroo hung up. Taking a deep breath. Closing his eyes. Not now. Not fucking now. Not when all he is doing is trying to avoid this feeling.

Confession

There you are Bokuto-San. I love you so much. I wonder if you knew that. I love your eyes. They are so fucking pretty. I love your smile.. I love your everything. I. Love. You. ~ Akaashi

My ‘Kaashi is so beautiful.. I wonder if Akaashi will like me back. He is the best looking person. He is so calm, kind, and gentle. I love him so much. I. Love. You. My. Lover boy. ~ Bokuto

Bokuto ran up and picked up Akaashi. “MY ‘KAASHI!” He giggled as he placed a kiss on his head.

“Hello Bokuto-San,” he blushed from the name and the kiss.

“I like you. Like really really really like you!” He smiled as he carried him. Swinging him around. “Can you be my boyfriend?”

“What?” Akaashi blushed harder.

“Can you be mine forever ‘Kaashi?” Bokuto stopped spinning, looking Akaashi dead in the eyes. With his stupidly cheerful, happy grin. One that could brighten anyone’s day.

“Uh..” Akaashi was shocked. But soon reconnected to reality. “I will. I will!” He smiled tears rolling down his cheeks as he slowly looked at bokuto with his eyes that could melt anyone’s heart.

“Can I kiss you?” Bokuto asked.

“Um.. Ya I would love that,” He whispered.

A soft pair of lips pressed against his. The lips of the only boy he had ever loved and will ever love.

Convincing

There he is. The boy I will forever love. The boy I wish was mine. The boy who might not love me. The boy who might not even like boys. The boy who is my everything, Kuroo.” ~ Kenma

I love you Kenma. I hope by the end of tonight I will be yours and you will be mine. Can we make this happen? I hope so Kenma because I can’t see you go find another lover. I love you too much for that. I hope you love me that much too. ~ Kuroo

Kuroo walked up and smiled softly, “Miss me?” He asked softly.

“Mhm,” he smiled as he jumped up. Kuroo instinctively reached up and began to carry him.

“I missed you too, I missed you a lot,” he whispered as he held on to Kenma tightly.

Kenma smiled and nuzzled into Kuroo’s warm neck.

“Hey Kenma, I’m gay. You know that right?” Kuroo whispered.

“Uh... no..?” He mumbled. “I thought you liked that girl. The one you talk about all the time. You know, the girl with the great personality and is all warm towards you?”

“Kenma am I that convincing?” Kuroo chuckled.

“I guess. You like someone though?”

“Mhm.. you” Kuroo chuckled. His anxiety was extremely high, wondering how kenma would respond to the sudden confession.

“What?” Kenma moved from his spot, his face red.

“I like you Kenma, I like how cute you are. I like how calm you are. I like how you can be super observant. I like how when you want to do something really bad you won’t stop till you have done it. So Kenma, will you be my boyfriend?” Kuroo was pink looking into his eyes. Those eyes were going to be the death of him.

“I-I like you too.. so yes,” Kenma giggled.

“Kiss?” Kuroo looked away, embarrassed as he said so.

Kenma shook his head slightly as his lips hit Kuroo’s. His smile was wide. His heart pounding fast. He was happy. Happy forever.

[chixibrown]

Upon finishing the Stardew Valley comic

Since the Stardew Valley comic has been released by Fangamer, I am now able to write about what I had been doing in secret for one long year.

■ Gratitude

First of all, to the original creator Eric-san who entrusted the task in my hands, to Kari-san who helped me from early development all the way to printing, to Ryan-san, to Steven-san who did the translations, to Kari-san's mother who assisted in the creation of the envelope, to Erica-san for product photography -- And last but not least, everyone at Fangamer and FangamerJP.

It's thanks to the support of many people that I was able to finish the comic, and I wish to extend my sincerest gratitude towards everyone involved.

■ Chronology

"Chihiro! Big News! Let's create a new merch together!" was a request that I received around autumn of 2018. At first I was wondering if I was going to be asked to design a T-shirt, but turned out to be an invitation to draw a comic book!

At that time, I was posting comics on Twitter at random. Not even in my wildest dreams have I thought that my little comics would be appreciated so, and thus I immediately burst into tears.

I'm very honored and thankful for the opportunity to pen Fangamer's very first comic.

■ Contents

I'll try not to spoil anything about the story in this section.

The content requested by the original creator Eric-san for the comic was: "The story before the farmer comes to the farm" "With focus on the community center and Joja" "And the protagonist should have no set characteristics"

These were really the ONLY information that we received from Eric-san throughout the whole process (whyyy).

I was definitely worried. In reality, for around six months when I did my preliminary research, I played Stardew Valley every day, took countless pictures, and absorbed myself in collecting materials.

I I ended up taking a little over 20 thousand screenshots total (lol).

I wholeheartedly agree with Eric-san's guideline not to give the protagonist any set characteristics. I think one of the keypoints of this game is that "Anyone can be the protagonist".

The story is set from a few years before the prologue of game, so I was rather careful not to show my own personal interpretation. In principle, the actions of the characters were mostly taken from their in-game dialogue where they mention having done something in the past (For example, the reason Sam got in trouble lmao).

It took a lot of effort outlining the story, which involved things such as "Which characters would be in contact with each other?" and "Which characters may not be present at the valley at the time?". This is the reason why the preliminary research took around six months.

By the way, I was the one who proposed to include a "letter" with the comic, both as a bonus and major spoiler, in a way. But uh, many fellow Japanese may not be able to read it, so... I'll secretly tell you the what's actually written on the letter:

It's the handwritten version of THE letter you receive in the English version of the game's prologue. It's in your hands now. So in conclusion, it's probably exactly what you think it was.

I was quite adamant about how the letter needs to be handwritten. And as who wrote it... I shall keep it a secret here.

The reason why the comic had little to no dialogue is because it was the style I had back from the time I was drawing Stardew Valley fan art. Since Stardew Valley is a media not originally from Japan, that style serves to fulfill my two wishes: "I want people all over the world to be able to read my work" and "I want to cherish the feelings of each individual player" -- That sort of idea, really.

To summarize,

"I want people all over the world to be able to read my work"

"I want to preserve the unique interpretations each individual player might have"

"Anyone can become a Stardew Valley protagonist"

I drew the comic with these concepts in mind.

■ About me

I would like to talk about my experiences throughout the development of the comic.

My name is Chihiro Sakaida (a.k.a. Brown Junimo), I was already working for a game company, so I took advantage of that experience to work on game design and illustration.

Of course, while I was working on the Stardew Valley comic, I was a freelancer and had other jobs to worry about as well, so I ended up spending a lot of time working on the comic at night after work. I also studied digital art for a month for the sake of the comic, and I think it helped improved my work efficiency.

Those were truly, very fun days for me. The only thing that did bother me was the fact that even though I was working on my favorite Stardew Valley content day after day, I couldn't really share it with anyone.

I didn't want to take the risk of accidentally running my mouth on Twitter, and I no longer had the time to draw and post online like I used to -- So I had to resort to posting only low-risk tweets, so to speak, and to be honest, it was quite disheartening.

As such, I felt truly supported by the trusted individuals who knew about the comic. Tori-san, Aki-san, Kari-san, and Ryan-san, thank you so, so much.

■ Those who supported me

Tori-san is my partner, and also a person I respect as a novelist and screenwriter. She kindly and carefully reviewed and summarized my messy story.

Aki-san knew about the comic existed, but also knew next to nothing about it. Because of that, I think it was more than a handful to support me. It must've been really hard on Aki-san, who didn't know the contents of the book and thus had no way to accidentally spoiling the surprise, but whom also probably held even more feelings of shame than I did in regards to social media... I'm sorry that you've had to put up with so much. I was very proud to have you be the first reader of the finished book.

Kari-san is the illustrator of the Official Stardew Valley Guide Book, and I respect her a whole lot.

Both her work are her personality are very kind and easy-going. Together with her partner Ryan-san, she's managed to assist and encourage me many, many times.

No matter what I drew, I was sure to be greeted with her "Chihiro, you're so great!" or "Chihiro, you really did your best!" (Even my own mother have never praise me this much!) Overall, she feels just like an older sister I've always longed for, and it makes me very happy.

No matter what merch was in the process of being created, she would say "Let's make a brown one!!", solely because it's my signature color. It makes me very happy, although probably a tiny bit embarrassed as well to have her value my one schtick this much. She's even came to Japan many times, and listened to me talk all day long. After all, I wouldn't have been able to get this job to begin with if it wasn't for Kari-san, so she's a real lifesaver.

I didn't get to talk directly with Eric-san, the original creator and developer of Stardew Valley. Obviously I received some feedback via Fangamer, but I was refraining from being in contact with him as much as possible. I didn't think I could convey my full sincerity towards him before the comic was completed. I strived to be able to earnestly understand the feelings he wanted to convey via his own words -- Whether it was the game dialogues, his words on the developer blog and interviews, etc.

There was, by the way, no revision whatsoever to the comic. Eric-san did, however, carefully check all of my ideas and always provided words of appreciation; which made me happier than anything else. Those words became my motivation to live, in a sense, which in turn allowed me to freely and happily work on the comic.

■ Going Forward

While I've been talking about how proud I am to have finished the comic, I also would like to talk about what's coming next. While I certainly plan to continue working with Fangamer for the foreseeable future, at the same time, I have also decided to work for another game development company, and I plan to devote my time working on game development for at least the next year.

It has been my dream for the past 15 years to work for this particular company, and I'm elated to see it come true.

However, as a result I think I will have less exposure to social media. I don't think it's going to be easy to recreate that warm and wondrous time where I could interact with people regularly, but my memory of that time is something I will treasure for the rest of my life.

I'm really sorry that I have absolutely nothing to give back, but I sincerely hope the comic has brought a smile to everyone who's read or even merely noticed it.

■ Finally

I'm such a fortunate person -- I've come this far due to everyone's support, and for that, I would also like to extend my deepest gratitude. Thank you so much, for everything, always.

It would delight me if all of you could stay with me from this point on.

As I try to polish my skills and improve myself as a whole.

PS: Thanks to my best friend Ryou-chan for translating this!

[gyakutengagotoku]

GS4 vs AJ:AA - Episode 1, Part 1

Look, guys! I’m being productive again! Hooray, it feels exhausting just as I remember it did!

As done before, every post I make will contain differences between the source Japanese and localized English versions of the same game, as well as further details about them, up to the following “To be continued...” screens and eventually the ending credits. As always, there are so many ways the localization can dress up certain lines in the original script to make them into jokes or at least more colorful, so I’m not going to pick out every one. It would take us an eternity longer than my hiatuses to finish otherwise.

To think it took a freakin’ indie game that's like Mafia but with astronauts and tasks to bring me back to the Ace Attorney community and back to my blog’s roots. Is this what they mean by “Circle of Life”? All I know is that I’m constantly running around in circles, both metaphorically and literally.

--

> Court Lobby

<Kristoph> やれやれ。ずいぶんカタくなってる みたいだね。 You look tense, Justice. Wound up tight.

<Apollo> そ。そんなコトないです！ カンゼンに大丈夫ですから、オレ！ W-Wound up, sir? No! I'm loose! I'm fine!

<Kristoph> 声がウラ返ってるよ‥‥ まあ。ムリもないかな。 That screeching noise... Is that your voice? I suppose it's to be expected...

初めての法廷が、殺人事件とは。 まさしく“オドロキ”ってヤツだね。 Your first trial, and it's a homicide. I guess "Justice" doesn't start small, eh?

Enter Apollo's signature "I'm fine!" catchphrase, or as it's originally known, "Daijobu desu!"

In the third box, "ウラ返ってる" from 裏返る (uragaeru) in this context is translated fairly, though it specifically refers to a "crack in falsetto" kind of squeak or screech. (Yes, squeaky Apollo.) Now, it's interesting to note uragaeru in a different context can also mean "to double-cross". To be fair, it's also a common phrase, like being "betrayed" by your own cracking voice, but the foreshadowing power...

In the fourth box, yes, they changed the name puns to suit the localized name. Kirihito (Kristoph) is just saying what a "surprise" it is for his first trial to be a murder case.

>

<???> たしか、きみは‥‥ So, you're...

<Apollo> あ、ハイ！ オレ、大丈夫ですッ！ Fine! I-I'm fine!

<???> ああ‥‥“大丈夫くん”か。 Ah... Mr. Fine, is it?

<Apollo> え。 Uh.

<???> 変わった名前だとは覚えていた。 I did remember you having an odd name.

<Apollo> （さっそく、ゴカイされちまった） (Well, we're off to a great start.)

I'm just putting this here to assure everyone that Nick does first call him "Daijobu-kun".

>

<???> そろそろ時間だ。‥‥行こうか。 It's time. Shall we?

<Apollo> は、はいッ！ Y-Yes, sir!

<Apollo> （‥‥そうさ。 　今は、とにかく集中するんだ） (...OK. I need to focus.)

（オレの‥‥王泥喜　法介の、 　初めての法廷に！） (First trial, here comes Justice!)

I want to comment on how catchy Apollo's other lesser-known catchphrase is. Poor Odoroki doesn't have anything as cool as this.

> Courtroom

<Kristoph> 弁護士は、依頼人の希望を最優先 させなければなりません。 A defense attorney must always cede to his client's wishes.

この王泥喜くんは、依頼人の ご指名なのですよ。 And my client specifically requested Mr. Justice.

<Judge> ふむう‥‥わかりませんな。 Well, of course he wants justice!

現在、最高の弁護士と言われる 牙琉　霧人（がりゅうきりひと）。 But to entrust his case to this greenhorn... Why?

それをさしおいて、 こんなワカモノがねえ‥‥ I do not exaggerate when I say that you're the best defense attorney in town, Mr. Gavin.

<Apollo> （だ、大丈夫。発声練習の量なら、 　先生にも負けないさ！） (OK, so Gavin's got trial experience, fine. But does he have Chords of Steel!?)

I just love this line from Apollo. Perfect timing and delivery. Odoroki's line is good too, though comes off as a tad more innocent: "I-It's fine. When it comes to  vocal training, even Sensei can't beat me!" Though I have to say the image of Kristoph screaming during voice training is too funny to pass up.

> Enter Defendant

<Judge> まことにザンネンです。 This is truly an unfortunate turn of events.

ひさしぶりの対面が、 このようなカタチになるとは。 I'm sorry we had to meet again under these circumstances.

‥‥成歩堂　龍一 （なるほどうりゅういち）くん。 Long time no see, Mr. Wright.

<Phoenix> 忘れてほしいですね、 ムカシのことは。 Let's put the past behind us, shall we?

今のぼくは‥‥そう。 しがないピアニスト、ですから。 These days, I'm merely Phoenix Wright, piano player.

I may have mentioned it before, but I'll make a note here that the Hobohodo meme has its own version in the JP fandom: "ピアニート" (piani-to or pia-NEET), which is portmanteau of pianist and NEET, the most famous of Japanese government welfare programs for the unemployed. It's also slang for "hobo".

>

<Payne> これが、被害者の命を奪った凶器。 ‥‥グレープジュースのボトルです。 This is the weapon that took the victim's life. A bottle of grape juice.

彼のお気に入りで、 いつも飲んでいるようですな。 Grape juice is apparently our defendant's drink of choice.

Many of you already know, but just in case: The localizers never censored Nick's fave drink. It was the JP devs who had to work with such censors back home, but eventually they just kept it as a running gag to put non-alcoholic fruit juices in fancy wine bottles. It wasn't until SoJ when the devs could get away with featuring a bit of alcohol. Their previous game was slapped with a CERO-C (15+) due to graphic images, so Eshiro and co. were pleasantly surprised to see SoJ get the classic CERO-B (12+) again.

Not to mention, very expensive high-quality fancy fruit juices do exist in Japan and can cost way more than your usual middle-grade wines. Japan and their fancy fruit culture and all. (I forget exactly, but I recall there were plenty of group pictures of the devs on their blogs and Twitters over the years where someone had gotten them fancy bottles of fruit juice as Christmas gifts. The memes live on.)

> After 1st testimony, decline tutorial

<Apollo> 先生が出るにはおよびません！ ここは、オレでじゅうぶんッ！ No need for help here, sir! I think I've got this one covered!

<Kristoph> ‥‥“手下”みたいなセリフだね。 大丈夫ですか？ I think you'd better do more than think. You know it, or you do not.

<Apollo> （大丈夫！　 　発声練習は積んできた！） (I'm fine! The Chords of Steel are ready for battle!)

The differences here are subtle enough that I hesitated on including this, but Kirihito straight-up calls out Odoroki: "Sensei, you won't need to step up here. I'm enough for this!" "...Sounds like something someone unreliable would say. Are you going to be fine?"

> Press 4th statement

<Judge> ふむう‥‥ Hmm...

ポーカーといえば、５枚のカードで “役”を作って勝負するゲーム。 As I recall, in poker you make five-card "hands".

たしかに、イカサマが 起こりやすいのでしょう。 I can see how it would be easy to cheat.

<Phoenix> フッ‥‥ “役”を作るゲーム、ねえ‥‥ Heh... Yes. A game of "hands".

<Apollo> ‥‥？ ...?

Now that I find this dialogue again, it's even deeper than I'd ever thought. In both JP and EN, Phoenix's line works just as well as the other despite having different double entendres. In EN, he makes a pun between the poker hands and people's hands; while in JP, the term used is "yaku", which is normally used to refer to hands in a card/mahjong game, but in more general cases, it means "role" or "responsibility". Naturally, in this case, there are a lot of hands and roles being exchanged rather quickly.

This case is dang amazing and I regret forgetting so much of what made it spectacular.

> Press 5th statement

<Phoenix> 賭けていたのは、ただひとつ。 おのれの“プライド”だけだよ。 The only thing at stake in our game... was pride itself.

<Judge> ほほう。 なんだか、カッコイイですな！ Ho ho! Well put, Mr. Wright.

私も“ポーカー”で ヒト勝負したくなってきました。 I've got a mind to play a hand of poker myself...

<Judge> あなたの“有罪”を賭けてッ！ The stakes: your fate!

<Apollo> （“ヒト勝負”感覚で 　決められてたまるかッ！） (Um... Can we get back to the trial now?)

For once, I'm gonna go with Odoroki's line as the cooler one: "(As if we're going to decide this trial like a game of "life-or-death"!)"

> 1st witness, before testimony

<Olga> 逆居　雅香（さかいまさか） ‥‥と申します。 My name... is Olga Orly.

レストラン《ボルハチ》で ウエイトレス‥‥していますの。 I am employed as waitress in Borscht Bowl Club restaurant.

<Judge> しかし‥‥なぜ、カメラを？ Then... why the camera?

<Olga> もちろん、《ボルハチ》ジマンの ボルシチもお運びいたします。 Of course, it is my pride to serve borscht that is naming restaurant.

でも、ワタシ。他にも、いろいろ サービスをいたしますのよ。 But I also perform -- how it is said? Other service.

Just making a note here on how well Olga's lines are written. They really make it obvious that she's "not a native speaker" (for now). While in EN, they just made her English a little broken, in JP, she speaks in a very stiff and formal Japanese, as she is a waitress, but also on the occasion can sound a little off to a native speaker without being broken, per se. She also has a distinct "watashi" among a few other common words that are written in katakana to show a sort of accent.

>

<Payne> さて、証人。 事件当時は、どこに‥‥？ Now, witness. Where were you at the time of the murder?

<Olga> ワタシ、あの部屋にいたんです。 ‥‥《ナラズモの間》。 I was in room. The Hydeout, we call it.

<Apollo> “ならずものま”？ Excuse me? The Hydeout?

<Olga> 伝説のギャング“ナラズモ”が タイホされたというお部屋。 It is room where famous gangster "Badgai" was arrested.

‥‥事件があった小部屋ですの。 Is room where murder took place.

<Apollo> なんだってェェェ！ Whaaaaat!?

<Olga> ‥‥そのビックリしたカオ、 ステキです。 Your look of utter surprise... It is lovely.

あとで法廷の前に 張り出しておきますので‥‥ I will post by courtroom door later for you!

ほしい写真の番号を、みなさま お書きくださいね。 Dah, dah, photos will be numbered, and you will write which ones you want copy of.

Okay, everyone knows how bad/obvious/cringe the name puns can be in Khura'in or certain ones from AAI, but please, does anyone not remember "Badgai" here? (Tbf, I forgot too, so I'm not one to talk...)

Btw, his original name is "Narazumo", literally "ruffian", and it's completely in katakana, which makes me think it's a codename or alias. She also specifies that he was a "gangster", not yakuza as we'd assume. Japanese gangs are a bit closer to gangs that we know of in the West, especially that they're more known for foreign influence to their styles than the much more traditional yakuza.

Also, I'm disappointed there was no Odoroki pun here. Sure, she doesn't know him, so it wouldn't make sense, but still a missed opportunity. Also also, she actually talks to the rest of the court when she says "you", so she's selling photos of Apollo's freakout to everyone. Classy...

> 1st Witness Testimony, press 3rd statement

<Apollo> “ロケット”‥‥？ His "locket"...?

<Olga> あのお客さまにとっては 大切な“お守り”のようでした。 I believe it was good-luck charm, dah?

何度か握りしめながら、 勝負をされていましたから。 He gripped it many times as he played that night.

<Judge> なるほど‥‥大空へ飛び立つ チカラがみなぎるのでしょう。 Yes, he must have felt as though it might carry him to the moon and the stars!

なにしろ《ロケット》ですからな。 Though if it were small enough to fit around his neck, it wouldn't have much lift...

<Apollo> ‥‥あの。ちなみに “ロケット”というのは‥‥ Um... The defense would like a clarification: this is a locket we're talking about?

写真を入れたペンダントのコト、 なんですけどね。 I mean, a pendant with a picture in it, right? Not a "rocket"?

<Judge> 知ってます！ Of course! I knew that!

ロケットのカタチをした アレでしょう。 It was probably a pendant shaped like a rocket. That's why she called it that.

<Apollo> ちがいますよ！ カタチはカンケイないんです No, a locket's a locket! It doesn't matter what shape it is!

<Kristoph> ‥‥深追いしてはいけない。 それが、社会のルールです。 It's considered bad form to poke fun at the hard-of- hearing in our society.

<Apollo> （モヤモヤするなあ） (Hard of hearing, or hard of understanding?)

This entire conversation is just a joke on how "locket" and "rocket" are written the same way in Japanese, and I'm surprised how well it still works in English.

To clarify, Kirihito's line at the end is a bit different: "...Refraining from pursuing a line too far is a well-known rule in our society." "(Doesn't make me feel any better.)"

> After 1st Present, just before new statement added

<Apollo> （ヤレヤレ‥‥ 　慎重すぎるんだよな、先生は） (There's such a thing as thinking too much...)

（イシバシを叩いて 　コワすタイプ？） (This horse is dead, let's stop beating it!)

<Kristoph> 聞こえてますよ、オドロキくん。 There's such a thing as thinking aloud too much, too.

It's conversations like this that make me wonder if characters can actually hear what the MC is saying/whispering or if they're breaking the 4th wall to hear their thoughts. Here, it's even more ambiguous in JP than the usual between Nick and Maya in prior games. Or are they suggesting that even when Apollo is thinking, he's still loud?

> After 2nd Witness Testimony, before cross-exam

<Judge> なるほど‥‥ Ah, how many times have I heard these words:

『むしゃくしゃしてやった。 　今は後悔している』‥‥ "I done it in a fit of anger, Yer Honor, and now I regret what I done".

‥‥の、パターンですな。 ...A common tale, but true.

<Apollo> （成歩堂さんは、ハッキリ言った。 　『７年間、負けたことがない』） (Methinks the judge watches too many old court movies.)

（‥‥この証言には、ゼッタイ 　“何か”あるはずだ！） (Mr. Wright said he hasn't lost in seven years, so this testimony must be wrong!)

I don't usually include entries for examples where the localizers dress up the text from the original, but this one here really bugs me. I'm not sure if it's a reference to some classic film or just a tip of the hat to classic American court drama movies in general.

If someone could help me pinpoint this one, please do.

> Press 2nd statement, press further

<Apollo> チップについて、くわしく 話していただけますか？ Maybe you could explain a bit about these "chips"?

<Olga> そ。そう言われましても‥‥ E-Explain? What is there to be explained?

<Objection!>

<Payne> チップはチップです。 Poker chips are poker chips.

いつまで待っても‥‥ キップにはなりませんぞ！ They're not fish and chips, not a chip off the old block, not a motorcycle cop, not a...

Okay, the "motorcycle cop" bit got me. I swear this was a popculture reference (was it a song? It sounds so familiar), but I don't remember exactly where it was from! Someone plz help.

As for the original script, Auchi makes a silly pun. "[Poker] chips are [poker] chips. No matter how long you wait... they won't become tickets!" (chips = chippu, ticket = kippu)

>

<Apollo> ‥‥はあ。 ...Thanks.

（セッカクだ。 　なにか聞かないとソンだな） (Now that I've pressed her I'd better ask something...)

たとえば‥‥そのチップ。 “円”ですか？　“ドル”ですか？ What are these chips worth? Are they in dollars? Or rubles, even?

<Olga> ‥‥あの。 先ほども申しましたけれど‥‥ ...Nyet. As I have been saying before, it was game, not gambling.

ギャンブルでは ございませんでしたから‥‥ Hard perhaps for capitalist to understand.

<Olga> “１０００点”と “１００点”の２種類。 Two types of chip: 100 points chip and 1,000 points chip.

おカネではございませんの。 It is not money, dah.

<Kristoph> ‥‥オドロキくん。 ...Justice.

<Apollo> はいッ！ Sir!

<Kristoph> 今の証言‥‥ ちょっと、おもしろいですね。 Don't you find her comment... interesting?

<Apollo> え‥‥ In more ways than one, sir.

<Kristoph> 私ならば‥‥そう。 証言に加えていただくところですが。 I'd have it added to her testimony, myself.

As funny as that capitalist line is, it's not found in the source, sorry, guys. Her text in Japanese is very formal, so it takes an extra box just to complete her sentence.

Also, worth to note that Odoroki here mentions yen and dollars, but not rubles, despite the restaurant being Russian-themed. Whether it's writer oversight or just Odoroki being uncultured will remain a mystery.

Lastly, Apollo's last line here makes him seem quite confident, but in the original, he seems just as confused as ever. This is made clearer when Apollo later presses the new statement.

> Press new statement

<Apollo> あの。小さい方が１００点、 大きい方が１０００点‥‥ Um. The small ones are 100, and the big ones 1,000...

で、いいんですよね。やっぱり。 Uh? Right? Right. Of course.

<Payne> フン！　 聞くまでもないでしょう。 Hah! Don't waste our time!

<Apollo> はあ‥‥ *sigh*

‥‥‥‥‥‥‥‥‥ ...

<Judge> 終わりですか？　それで。 Is that all?

<Apollo> ええ、まあ。 Um... Yeah. *gulp*

（くそ。牙琉先生のせいで 　ハジをかいちまったぞ‥‥） (Great. Mr. Gavin made me stop her, and now I'm the one who looks dumb.)

<Kristoph> オドロキくん。 Oh, Justice?

<Kristoph> 私にハジをかかせないで もらえますか？ Please try not to embarrass me like that.

<Apollo> え！　オレがですか！ Huh? Who? Me!?

The subtleties of this joke conversation were lost in translation. After Apollo wastes time with that question, he grumbles to himself: "(Damn. Thanks to Garyu-sensei, I've made a fool of myself.)" "Odoroki-kun. Would you please not pin this embarassment on me?" "Huh! Me!?"

> After Present, select "Number of chips"

<Apollo> おかしいのは、チップの枚数‥‥ ですよね、先生？ The odd thing here is the number of chips... Right, Mr. Gavin?

<Kristoph> ‥‥なぜ、私に？ ...Why are you asking me?

<Apollo> その。念のため、というか！ Uh... Just in case?

<Kristoph> ‥‥オドロキくん。 もう少し、キチンと考えましょう。 Justice... It's your case I'm concerned about.

チップなら、写真を見れば すべて、写っています。 If you're wondering about the chips, just look at the photograph. It's all there.

老眼の裁判長さんでも カンタンに数えられますよ。 Even our judge with his failing eyesight could count them.

<Apollo> （‥‥あの裁判長なら、それでも 　まちがえるような気がする‥‥） (That's not the only thing failing the judge.)

Damn, what a burn. Odoroki in the OG script simply went: "(...Knowing this judge, he could get even that wrong...)" which is a fair effort, but not a wildfire level of damage.

> 3rd Witness Testimony, press 4th

<Apollo> 口論の内容は、おぼえてますか？ Do you recall what the men were arguing about?

<Olga> そうですね。たしか‥‥ Dah, I believe so...

被害者サマが『イカサマだッ！』と 叫びましたの。それに対して‥‥ The victim, he shouts, "you are cheater!" and then...

“異議がある”というようなコトを 被告人さまが‥‥ ...the defendant shouts something like, "I have objection!"

<Payne> ‥‥出ましたな。 おトクイの《異議あり！》が。 Shouting objection, eh? Old habits are hard to break!

まったく‥‥ハッタリづくしの 人生ですからな。被告人は。 First he bluffed his way through the courtroom, now he bluffs his way through life!

<Objection!>

<Apollo> しかし！　勝負の結果は、 成歩堂さんが“負けている”！ However! Mr. Wright lost the hand!

むしろ、アヤシイのは、 勝った被害者・浦伏さんでしょう！ That seems to cast the shadow of doubt on Mr. Smith!

<Olga> “イカサマをやった上、 　勝負にも負けた”‥‥ Humiliation from losing even when cheating...

そのクツジョクが、被告人の方の ココロに、火をつけたのですの。 That is what set fire to defendant's heart!

<Judge> ‥‥そして、火のついた 被告人は、どうしたのですかな？ So what did the flaming defendant do next?

Oh my God, as soon as I saw that "異議がある" (igi ga aru) my mind flashed back to those ridiculous Google Translated trailers of Gyakuten Saiban & Kenji on Nico Douga. Imagine if the devs at the time decided to play with Google Translate to see how "異議あり！" would look after switching it from Japanese to English and back. It would be one of the biggest brain plays by a game developer ever... which probably means it wasn't how it went, but it's fun to think about.

Anyway, I also like this snippet of dialogue for the judge's "flaming defendant", clearly alluding to "Phoenix" Wright. In JP, the bit about setting fire to his heart is just a common idiom in the first place, but who knows? “Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney” had been selling fast in the West, so they could have been inspired.

> After Present, point out on the cards, examine victim's hand

<Apollo> 裁判長！　見てください！ 被害者のカードには、１枚‥‥ Your Honor! Look at this! One of the victim's cards...

ウラの色がちがうカードが まぎれこんでいますッ！ The back is a different color!

<Payne> え‥‥ええええッ！ Eh...? Ehhhhhh!?

<Olga> そ。そんなバカなッ！ Th-That's impossible!

アタシがシカケたのは、 成歩堂のほうなのに‥‥ But I put that card in Wright's hand...

あッ！ Ack!

<Kristoph> ‥‥今、なんと言いましたか、証人。 ...What was that, Ms. Orly?

<Olga> い‥‥いえ‥‥その。 アタシ‥‥わ、私は、ええと‥‥ No... Ny-Nyet! Er, I merely said, eh... Dah, I have, eek!

It's at this point when Olga's cover is blown, and in JP, it's more obvious because she stammers between using "atashi" vs "watashi". It's not very common to hear beginner Japanese students refer to themselves as the cutesy "atashi", though one who's a bit more well versed in the language or in anime may pick up on it.

> After Phoenix takes over the court, select when the cards were swapped, select "Olga Orly" who swapped them

<Phoenix> たしかに、あのゲームでは赤・青の ２種類のカードを使っていた。 Mixing a card from the wrong deck... when the backs are different colors?

しかし‥‥逆居　雅香は、 カードを配っていた張本人。 Remember that you're talking about Olga Orly... She was the dealer.

‥‥そんなミスを すると思うかい？ Do you really think she would make such a novice mistake?

<Apollo> （まあ‥‥オレでも 　まちがわないだろうな） (Actually, I have trouble imagining even the judge making that mistake.)

This is another case of the localizers dressing it up. Odoroki says here: "(Well... even I wouldn't make such a mistake.)" as if implying that he's the lowest common denominator here, haha!

> Back to Court Lobby

<Phoenix> 人間の思考・感情というものは ‥‥かならず。 Try as they might to conceal it, everyone reveals their true thoughts in the end.

身体から“情報”として 発信されている。 Their body language can become a valuable source of information.

<Apollo> そ。そんなバカな‥‥ You're kidding!

<Phoenix> たとえば。あの証人‥‥ 逆居　雅香を思い出してごらん。 That witness, for instance, Ms. Orly.

<Phoenix> 彼女は、ある証言をするとき‥‥ かならず“首筋をさする”。 She would touch the back of her neck during certain parts of her testimony.

‥‥気がついていたかい？ Did you notice?

<Apollo> い。いえ‥‥ （それどころじゃないよ、フツー） Uh... No. (C'mon, who'd notice that!?)

<Phoenix> “クセ”“コトバ”‥‥ それらが発する情報を読み解くこと。 Words, habits, twitches... It's all information for the reading.

それが、勝負に勝つ “鉄則”だよ、オドロキくん。 That's the secret to winning, Apollo.

まあ‥‥ぼくも“ある人物”に 教わったんだけどね。 Someone taught me, and now, I pass the secret on to you.

It's this quiet moment between the two of them that really parallels with how Mia used to talk with Phoenix, and it's beautifully poetic. And I'd like to note that even Phoenix's speech pattern throughout this convo is quite reminiscent of how Mia talked, but with a bit of Phoenix's own style. Though in that last line, he could possibly have meant Mia, but more likely meant a certain someone with a similar power to Apollo. Ya'll know who I mean, (W)right?

>

<Phoenix> ああ。それから、もうひとつ。 今回の事件だけどね。 Ah, almost forgot. One more thing. About this case...

ぼくはまだ、誰にも “本当のコト”を話してないんだよ。 You should know, I haven't told the truth to anyone yet.

<Apollo> えええええッ！ （や、やっぱり‥‥） Whaaaaaaaa--!? (I knew it!)

<Phoenix> もちろん、“理由”がある。 これからアキラカになるだろう。 I have my reasons, of course. All shall be revealed.

そして、ぼくの作戦には‥‥ きみが必要なんだよ。 And Apollo... I need you to be there, defending me.

きみの“能力”が、ね。 I need your power.

<Apollo> オレの、のうりょく‥‥ （声のデカさ、か‥‥？） My, um, power? (I had no idea my Chords of Steel were that special...)

The translation here is close enough, really, but Odoroki specifically describes it as the "intensity" of his voice and it's only the best answer.

--

Welp, I guess it’s back to the drafting board again and I may make this out as a daily or every-other-daily upload. We’ll see. I assure you, you won’t be waiting until next month, though!

[tipsydipsydo]

Just let me love him! 

Request: "hey! may i request an imagine where namjoon has a boyfriend (male transgender) and they decide to make their relationship public but maybe not all the fans being supportive / respectful of it? and namjoon rlly pissed off by the comments online and making posts to half educate them & half being shady haha thank u :("

Requested by: anonymous

Pairing: Namjoon x transgender Reader

Gender of the Reader: male

Word Count: 3k

Genre: Angst, Hurt and Comfort, Fluff

Warnings: mentions of Homophobia and Transphobia; mentions of hate towards the LGBTQ+ Community

A/N: Well... what should I say? I think I'll write every request individually without specify how long my writings would be. It really depends on my own idea for that request. This here took some time because I had to make some research and thought a lot about, how I want to write it.

That's also the reason why it ends up to be so long, because it was important for me to write that really long statement that Namjoons makes in here in the full version.

[Links]:

My Masterlist for your requests!

My official Blog Navigation!

I hope you all will like it! 💕

(Even when I researched things, when there is something that doesn't fit so well into the fic, please inform me 🤗)

「© tipsydipsydo」

This following story is my intellectual property and belongs only to my blog tipsydipsydo.tumblr.com!

I’ll not accept any kind of reposting, stealing or using/editing my work!

That includes reposting my content on other social media platforms too, even when you link me as the original author.

Thank you.

He should have guessed it. He should have noticed it, before the vlog would be uploaded. No, he should have known it! He should have known that it'll happen when this information gets to the public.

And at the same time he should have known that there are also some black sheeps among the ARMYs.

Although the large majority is very open, liberal and supportive, there are still some people who call themselves an "Army" and "support" them, but they're also very open when they don't like something.

It could be their new outfit, their new haircut or, like now, their lifestyle and their relationships. When something deviates from their idealized image, which means that his members and he no longer correspond to the overly perfect image of that Army, they start hating.

There aren't many, but they still exist. Sadly.

And all of that just starts because of a scene and the one sentence he had said to explain it.

Yesterday he uploaded a self-made vlog on the occasion of his birthday, in which he simply wanted to take the Armys through his day and show them, how he's spending his birthday this year. Nothing "bad", right?

You two made your relationship public three months ago. Of course, after this public announcement, the excitement was big and pretty much every korean and even some international boulevard magazines as well reported about it. Who could ever have guessed that there will be a young man at the side of the world known K-Pop Idol Kim Namjoon instead of a woman??

The biggest gossip subsided after a week and since two months pretty much everything turned out to be quite normal again. Namjoon and you get a lot of encouragement and support for your relationship from the vast majority of fans, you already have an official shipping name (and Namjoon has to admit that it sounds really cute!) Beside that, fanarts of you two have been already created, based on the few couple pictures that Namjoon recently posted in their Twitter account.

However, Namjoon "only" introduced you as his boyfriend. He hadn't told the whole publicity that you were transgender and "actually biologically a woman". Why should he?

You identify yourself as a boy, just you weren't born as such, which is why you want to adapt your gender to your actual identity. It's not more than that and all that just means that you are his boyfriend, nothing else.

Joon just introduced you as his partner and not that you are female to male transgender because that has actually nothing to do with your relationship.

And then there was the thing with his birthday vlog. He had thought that this little thing wouldn't attract attention, probably because it had become so normal for him.

You brunched together in a restaurant on the day of his birthday, enjoyed the good food together and laughed a lot. Really nothing so unusual when you go out to with your partner.

This was followed by the fateful scene that has caused all of these comments now.

You two were so deep in your conversation that you completely forgot to pay attention to the time. However, you still had a doctor's appointment that day, which is why you rushed out of the restaurant in a hurry.

You just noticed it a bit too late that you'll have a doctor's appointment for your next testosterone injection on Namjoon's birthday. But you could't and didn't even want to re-arrange a new appointement because you need the renewal in a relativly regular interval.

So the vlog only showed a few seconds where you two sprint stressed but also laughing to a taxi, so that you'd somehow still belong halfway to your actual time of the appointment in the doctor's office.

When you get your injection, Joonie waits for you in the empty waiting room and explain shortly in the vlog, why this appointment is so important.

"Unfortunately, my sweetheart was born in the wrong body and to be able that he can live with his correct gender identity, he has to go to the doctor to get his dosis of testosterone."

And that was it actually. After that you went back to your shared apartement, where the boys surprised Namjoon with a little birthday party. Congratulated their leader for getting older and then unpack all the presents together. With it, the vlog was uploaded. Namjoon and the boys had given no further thought to this "new piece of information" that turned out be the reason for these controversial comments under his vlog. Simply because it's already become normal for everyone. You are a transgender, but you're just Namjoon's Boyfriend for everyone. Nothing more.

Nevertheless, some "fans" don't see it that way, they even starts questioning if it's correct to call you Namjoon's "boyfriend" because you just can't be a "real boy". After this comment all the other ones only got even more worse.

Namjoon got the opportunity to read the comments when he already was on his way to the studio. He had wondered this morning why you were so silent and inwardly at breakfast. He had ask you gently if something happed or if you're not feeling well. But you just shook your head and said that you slept badly. Namjoon doesn't ask further because he was sure, that you woulf know that you can always be completely honest with him. And Namjoon doesn't want to blame you, that you would be lying to him, so he just gives you a loving smile.

How wrong he was when he read through all these awful comments under the vlog.

The other members have seen these comments too, they're so damn furious, with what kind of words you're called in there and that some of the them wished that Namjoon would please break up with you.

They should've trained the new choreography today, but this incident is now much more important and the way how they want to deal with it. They came to the decision to make a clear statement.

Actually it's planned that Jimin make a vlive today, but they decide that Namjoon should make it instead due to the situation.

He himself is not so sure yet whether he should really do it today, the anger about these disrespectful comments is still too big and he cannot promise not to say rude things to the fans himself as well. He wants to give them a better role model than to hate each other. However, he's becoming more and more aware of the importance of publishing his vlive today.

Because you're his boyfriend and through your relationship, you get so much more attention, which unfortunately also increases the possibility of harrassing you, for what you are, a lot more. He brought you into this situation, so Namjoon also feels obliged to stand up for you and show you that he's absolutely not going to accept something like that!

In addition, it's so important to him and all the other members to show that they will accept hate and harrassing of LGBTQ+ people in no way.

It breaks Namjoon's heart when he comes home and sees your red, swollen eyes, testifying that you cried. He had tried countless times to contact you throughout the day, but you neither answered his calls nor his text messages.

The last time when you were online in the messenger was tonight. Probably when you read all these terrible comments.

"Hey baby...", Namjoon whispers softly as he comes up to you and closes his arms around your body, pressing you tightly, almost protectively against his chest.

"I know what happened. I read everything."

With these words your body begins to tremble in his arms, you press your face into the crook of his neck and a little sob comes from your lips.

Namjoon holds you, strokes his fingers gently through your hair and whispers sweet nothings into your ear to calm you down.

You take a trembling breath in and say in a broken voice: "I am so sorry that I am causing you and the others such problems..."

When these words comes over your lips, Namjoon takes your tear-streaked face in his hands and gently kisses your tears away.

"No, no, no, my love! Don't say things like that, they're absolutely not true! You are not the problem, definitely not! The problem are these people out there who just don't want to accept that not all people can’t identify with the gender they’ve been born with. Maybe because it’s just so normal and natural for them to be a girl or boy. Apparently these people cannot put themselves in your shoes, what it's like to feel like a boy or girl but stuck in the body of the opposite sex. Apparently they don't even tried to imagine what it would be like if they weren't born a what they are. How it would be to be born in a different body with their previous gender identification. You are not the problem. The problem are the people who cannot listen to you, at least to understand how debiliating this situation is for you. So instead of Jimin, I'm going to do the vlive today and I'll talk with Armys about it. I will tell them that I will not tolerate Transphobia and any other Phobias of the LGBTQ+ community at all."

Your swollen eyes snaps open and you look at Namjoon in disbelief. As you want to open your lips to ask him, if he's really sure about that because he could get even more hate for that, he already knows what you're about to say.

Before these words can leave your lips, he quickly presses his owns on yours and gives you a gentle kiss full of love.

"I want to do that, my love. I want to do this for you, for us, for our LGBTQ+ ARMYs and for all these other peoples. It's important for me to make this statement."

When you nod slowly, Namjoon released the embrace and gave you a last kiss on the lips.

Then he goes into the living room to the dining table, where his laptop is and logs in.

You go quietly to the couch and wrap yourself up in your favorite blanket. To be honest, you don't really know what to expect. Before Namjoon starts his vlive, he looks at you and forms a silent "I love you" with his lips.

"Hey guys. I know Jimin should be sitting right here infront of the screen and doing his vlive with you. However, something happened tonight that I want to talk with you about it. I think you already know, we uploaded my Birthday vlog yesterday and there are comments written which are absolutely terrible and I'm not going to accept that under any circumstances.", Namjoon starts the vlive.

Today there is no trace of his usual playful and childish behavior, which he shows so often in his vlives. He's absolutely serious.

"Some of you are asking why you just got the information now, that Y/N is transgender and why we didn't tell you right away with our relationship announcement. I decided against it for the simple reason that it doesn't matter in our relationship. Y/N doesn't identify with his biological gender, although his body may be female, he is actually a boy who unfortunately was born in the wrong body. He is a boy and therefore he is my boyfriend."

"I introduced him to you as my boyfriend, because it doesn't matter who he was before, what gender he has from birth. It should only be about who he is now, who can he be now, that he's able to be finally that person who he want to be. We should finally give these people, like Y/N, the opportunity to live in the gender identity they are, without always saying 'But you are in reality woman, right?'."

"No, not really, in reality is Y/N a man. Can we please finally give them the opportunity to live in the gender with which they identify themselves. So when they should identify with the specific genders like male and female. And if that's not the case, if you assign yourself as nonbinary, it's perfectly okay! After all, there is still so much space between these two genders! We should give all of them the opportunity to simply live the way they are."

"That's why I think, that we all should be very happy, that we can identify ourself with our biological gender! Therefore, we should help all the other people to find their right gender when their biological gender doesn't suit them! And that they're able to show themself in public."

Namjoon takes a deep breath after this long monologue and grabs to his water glass to drink a bit. While doing this, he read all the new comments that pops up. They are very different, some are positive and supportive and then there are these other comments, literally saying how he can talk such a shit. 'There are only two genders, nothing between them and everyone has to be able to identify with their own gender!'

It is precisely in this conflict that he realizes again that ignorance and the lack of will to understand each other are two of the major problems.

"As I read your comments, one thing caught my eye very clearly. We're talking too much about each other than with each other."

"I know, as a person who can identify themself fairly well with their biological gender, it's pretty hard to imagine what it would be like if it weren't. And because of that, we have to talk about it. I know that all transgender or generally all LGBTQ+ people are tired of having to explain their gender identity or their sexuality all over again and again. Having to explain, why they are the way they are now."

"But I think that it'll be the only way to remove these stereotypes and prejudices, as well as fear of 'this unknown thing' and thus all these unjustifiably phobias and racism. Just because a person cannot identify with their biological gender doesn't mean that you have to change yours too! It means, that you should simply accept and respect it! However, we should give all these people the chance to finally develop in such a way that they can really be themselves. Regardless of whether they are assign themself as male, female or no specific gender."

"There are still so many questions in the room that result from pure lack of knowledge. And that's normal, of course, we can't know everything, but we can learn something new every day. Ask each other questions, so that you have the opportunity to be able to imagine yourself into the position of an other person. So at least try to understand how the other person must feel. It's a long way but we should try to finally remove this hate that is caused by ignorance and misunderstandings."

"There are always two peoples involved in a conversation. That's why I appeal to the LGBTQ+ community to be still patient with us, even if you're already so sick of it. You must have the feeling of literally speaking against a wall... And all people who identify with their biological gender and are heterosexual, so you practically correspond to the 'ideal image' of society with it, should listen to the LGBTQ+ Community and ask questions, so that these prejudices and this hate can finally be stopped and we all are able to live peacefully together. I know, this idea is utopian, but we can still try to get as close as possible to this utopia of a peaceful coexistence of all peoples."

Namjoon takes a deep breath and closes his eyes for a moment before dropping the statement.

"And who, after my monologue, still refuses to simply ask the peoples questions when they don't understand something and still prefer to think about them in prejudices, please unfollow BTS and BigHit Entertainment."

Your eyes are round like plates and your mouth opens, want to say something, but no words comes over your lips.

In the corner of his eye, Namjoon sees how the comment section with messages literally explodes.

"I am not saying this out of pure selfishness just because I am angry and hurt. I am saying this because all members agree with this statement. We decided for this statement together."

"Of course we know, that you're still able to see all of our things, we cannot forbid you from listening to our music. But we all wanted to talk about this topic once. BTS and the Army community should be a safe space for all Armys, regardless of their gender identity or sexual orientation. We wanted to make sure that all Armys in our large community are welcome and that they'll be respected in the way they are."

"The members and me just need to know that we all can be honest with you and don't have to hide anything. That we can be sure you’re supporting us really. We just want that all peoples that follow us, are trying their best to understand each other. Of course, we all will never agree at the same point of view and that's a good thing! But we should respect each other's gender identity, sexual orientation and opinion. Because in the end we all are just humans. No more, no less."

"I would like to come to an end of this vlive for today. And for all haters out there, I'm not going to break up with Y/N. Please just respect that I love him. Exactly the way he is!"

With these words, Namjoon goes offline and closes the laptop, smiling at you softly when he comes to you on the couch.

"I love you. Please don't forget that," he whispers in your ear as he slips under the blanket and snuggles up to you.

Like I wrote it in Namjoons statement, I try my best to imagine myself into your position even when I never made these experiences (and probably never will) you had to make. That's why I'm always open to talk and listen to you, to learn new things about it!

And even when I'll never be able to understand you "really", then I'll make sure that you know that I still care for you guys, okay?

Love you 💜

[fwoopersongs]

何必诗债换酒钱 - Notes

Clean version here and thoughts under the cut.

I saw the song translation notes made by @shelterfromrain​ a while back and thought, wow! what a fantastic idea it is to share the results of the rabbit holing (that you inevitably end up engaging in when doing this) and leave a record for your future self while at it too! Currently some of the song and poetry translations on fwoopersongs do have little notes, but those were casually written on the fly and after so long, the thought process behind certain choices often get forgotten, which is such a waste... Long story short - I’m doing it this way from now on!

This song was requested by @peerlesssqq on twitter - which may or may not have bumped it up by like a year on my list (yes, I’ve been sitting on it since 2018 and you’ll see why) - and I had WAY more fun than expected, so 谢啦 ~ It was a delight to receive your DM request. I was happy for days!

Some background: 《何必诗债换酒钱》 is the theme song of 【文定乾坤】- a collection of musical works that feature notable contributors to Chinese literature in ancient times, poets and the like. Oh, and I did notice that the MV on bilibili looks like it could be a promo for a webtoon or game. Who knows? I’ll be checking out the rest of the songs, that’s for sure!

The following part of this post will be my thoughts for first the title, then each section - the intro, verse 1 & 2 and the chorus, ending off with some final comments.

Disclaimer first though (otherwise later you read already then feel like beating me up): Everything in this post is only my interpretation of the song. I have quite limited familiarity with mainland literature and culture, so of course don’t expect much xD Here you’ll only find a story-loving banana who jiak-ed kantang too much in her youth and now regrets it a whole lot. 说好了哈 I’m pants at analysis, worse at Chinese, and am not at all good with words ok?

Title

So《何必诗债换酒钱》, let’s start off with the word here that’s unfamiliar to most of us:

诗债 | shī zhài or a debt of poems/poetry debt is a legit thing! - All you authors and artists out there might be familiar with it - It’s what you call the resulting debt when a poet promises to write something for another person but hasn’t done it yet. Procrastination has apparently always been the curse of content creators.

In fact, in the Bai Juyi’s poem that came up on the 诗债 baidu page《晚春欲携酒寻沉四著作先以六韵寄之》- possibly addressed to a friend he owes - he was complaining of illness, old age and writer’s block. But then oh, he goes on and then I passed by a party where they had drinks, and was quite up to my gills & totally out of it for some time, and THAT’S why I’ve done you dirty and owe you ever so many poems. I don’t really understand the last two lines but apparently he then offers to bring a drink for this person he’s talking to, mentions a wish to meet a winter goddess (????? pretty girl? or the snow? idk which), and starts reminiscing the times that were like a precious string of pearls they had singing at Yang Pass. Most likely farewells, but without context I just don’t get it. Anyway bribery and misdirection huh? I see what you did there bro, and I’m sure the person you attempted to distract saw it coming too...

何必 | hé bì, is a rhetorical question of Must you really? In the case of this word, 何 functions as roughly ‘is it that’ and 必 as ‘it must be so’.

换酒钱 | huàn jiǔ qián is of course, exchange for money to purchase wine.

‘Must you really promise poems in exchange for money to buy wine?’ then is the literal translation of 何必诗债换酒钱.

So here is the question: Is alcohol worth a poetry debt? Onwards to the answer!

Intro

生就诗骨 算来三百篇  Born and already a poet to the bones, (with) three hundred works counting up to now. 

浪掷秦淮长安 风流李杜王白  Spending lavishly in Qinhuai and Chang’an, free/unrestrained as Li and Du, Wang and Bai;

余下十分 便随意肩上担  whatever left is divided in ten parts, casually thrown over a shoulder

权作金玉铜板 相谢好人间  and taken for jade, gold and coin, a big thank you to this good world!

I interpreted the 生 in the first line as 天生 i.e. innate, natural born talent, so this first line describes someone born with a gift for poetry with ‘three hundred’ works to their name. Although... that three hundred should not be taken too literally, it’s more likely to be an allusion to collected works like the 16th century anthology of poems, Three Hundred Tang Poems. After all, Li Bai, Du Fu, Wang Wei and Bai Juyi are the most famous Tang Dynasty poets… and they were all name-dropped in the next line!

浪掷 | làng zhì was a new phrase for me, and means something like spending freely and lavishly or willfully wasted. Of course Chang’an was the capital during the Tang Dynasty and it was the world's most populous city at the time. One can only imagine how prosperous it must have been… and what fun things were there to spend your money on! The banks of Qinhuai river and that general area was once a gathering place for noble/wealthy families, scholars looking for a good time (and some say, the red light district xD). Though by Sui/Tang, that area was no longer doing as well due to political shifts. So the mental image I got from 浪掷秦淮长安 is of someone gallivanting through places of interest, from the bustling and prosperous to the dilapidated.

风流 | fēng liú is as always, hard to translate with no full equivalent in english. The feel it gives me ranges from, ‘cool, dashing bloke on a galloping horse with their cloak/robes/hair flowing elegantly in the wind’ to ‘pleasure seeking dandy who totally knows how to enjoy life, all the courtesans know him by courtesy name!’.

The third line started with 余下十分, which will not make any sense - why leftover? Divide what by ten? - until its put in context with the following:

Three hundred poems 算来三百篇 + 权作金玉铜板 pretend they are gold/jade/money (权作 | quán zuò just means to take one thing for another temporarily.)

The load thrown over the shoulder 肩上担

Spendthrift behaviour on tour 浪掷秦淮长安

The TITLE: bro so u wanna promise poetry in exchange for money to drink? why.

Let’s take those precious poems that can be exchanged for gold - a whole bagful of scrolls, and now I’m so rich I can scatter my money down the streets of entertainment districts and the capital! The very image of a 风流 poet, reckless and free spirited.

// Folks, please learn from this silly girl and do not read songs (or poems) line by line. They need to be appreciated at a distance, not one inch from your eyeballs.

Verse 1

两分与月 劳烦身前打点 Two parts to the moon, (may I) trouble you to take care of me while I’m alive.

哪处巍峨峰峦 当借我悬来观 Wherever there are majestic peaks and ranges, do lend me (your light) to hang and see by.

三分典高楼 好与长风赴宴 Three parts pawned for the tall building, good for attending the banquet alongside the wind,

遍寻可爱星子 唾手一把玩 searching for charming little stars, easily caught to play with.

Now we get to see how the poet is spending his ‘wealth’. This verse is a lot more literal as compared to the introduction, so there’s not much to say.

打点 used here is so interesting! Because it’s what you call bribing someone in a superior position to smoothen your path ahead (so to speak). Thanks to a childhood of tvb drama, I vaguely associate the type of people who would 打点 with rich merchant or minor noble fathers who want to give their sons an easier time at court. Either that or lower ranked officials with less moral scruples. Anyway, what’s being said in the song is something like: here is 20% dear moon, I’ll have to trouble you to bless me for the rest of this lifetime, and also please lend me your light to see by when I have need of it at scenic spots *for art*. The moon is a muse for many poets in all its forms after all… 明月, 圆月, 孤月, 残月, 冷月, 江月, 秋月 and so on.

Actually that whole sentence 劳烦身前打点 is so playful and fun that I put it in quotation marks to emphasize it. We’ve only just begun. Is the speaker already drunk?

And with the third line, 30% has been spent. Just noting here that 典 | diǎn can be read as pawn or mortgage. Another interesting thing to note would be that this imagery of ascending a tall building 高楼 and reaching out for stars 星子 in the last two lines of Verse 1 brings to mind one particular poem, famously attributed to Li Bai. Following translation by yours truly.

《夜宿山寺》- Overnight at the Mountain Temple 危楼高百尺 | dangerously towering a hundred feet high 手可摘星辰 | the stars are within reach 不敢高声语 | one dares not raise their voice 恐惊天上人 | for fear of disturbing the deities

Though the two probably have nothing to do with each other, doesn’t the reverence in the tone of this one bring out the playful irreverence of the other? So. Much. Fun. I adore the whole feel of 遍寻可爱星子 唾手一把玩 SO MUCH.

Verse 2

两分与桥 歇脚南北行船 Two parts to the bridge where travellers on foot and by boat from the north and south can rest,

欣然八方风物 闲话半日茶碗 delighted by the scenery all around, idly chatting half the day away over bowls of tea.

三分典流水 润色枯瘦石山 Three parts for the running water, moistening the gaunt stone mountains

又将天地一展 伸手 试浓淡 and again spreading heaven and earth wide, reaching out to test the viscosity (of the water).

It took a few listens, but in the end I really enjoyed the aesthetics here. And again, this verse is quite straight to the point albeit with two things I cannot understand.

The first point of confusion for me is why the lyricist chose to use 桥 | qiáo, a bridge as the place for people to rest on their journeys. I assumed here that this in reference to a pier or dock, assumed also that he is donating funds for this structure to be built or repaired. However, if that were the case 坞 | wù would have been enough - 船坞 was supposedly invented only in the Song Dynasty though, so maybe that’s why another word was chosen. But it’s not like there is any incidence of 桥 being used to mean ‘dock’ either!

The second thing that confuses me is the use of 典 for 流水. In verse one, that 典 was referring to the poetry works sold to reserve the venue for a banquet. That usage was apt. Here I suspect it might be for parallel structure, because there is no alternative reading for 典 that might allow one to use their 30% 三分 to do anything to flowing water 流水. That’s the literal reading, of course.

If we’re taking this a little less literally, it can be interpreted as borrowing the scenery (figuratively, since the place would not belong to anyone in the way you might own a property) to admire. It also expands on the second line’s mention of the surrounding view 欣然八方风物; there is running water which completes 润色 and brings the appearance of the gaunt and rocky mountains 枯瘦石山 closer to perfection.

润色 | rùn sè means to polish, to bring to greater heights. When you say something has been 润色 it is made more brilliant and closer to perfection by that addition. It can also mean moisten.

We always hear ‘rivers and mountains like a painting’ 江山如画 - originating from Su Dongpo’s《念奴娇·赤壁怀古》- used when the scenery is wonderful, because how often is real life as ideal as what we can imagine and depict? And that is exactly what is described here. The feeling out if the ‘water’ is concentrated or diluted 试浓淡 is used in answer to 一展 unfurling. 浓淡 of ink to 一展 of painting scroll. The land and sky seem like an ink wash painting, so beautiful that the viewer cannot help but reach out to run their hand through the water.

Chorus

Chorus Part 1

若趁游兴直到酣 If we take advantage of our wanderlust and go roaming till it is sated,

千字文章不值钱 classics and essays shan’t be worth a coin.

诗换花 词换雪 A poem for a flower! A song for snow!

再作檄文斗天官 Another denunciation for those heavenly officials!

Starting off with three new terms for me: 游兴 | yóu xìng means enthusiasm for travel. 酣 | hān can mean having a great time drinking, or being very satisfied and satiated. 檄文 | xí wén is a type of official document written for important announcements, declaration of war, or denunciation and condemnation of certain people or actions.

While I still feel this need to go out to see the world, I shall keep on the road until I am satisfied. Who cares about writing, who cares for study, it’s all worthless to me. I do what I want. And what I want is to write a little poem in exchange for a flower, some lyrics for a flake of snow. I’ll even write a denunciation against those officials in heaven (immortals). Fight me!!!!

I point again at Verse 1 with climbing the tower to play with stars. It’s no longer just playing nearby, now he wants a go at the gods.

Among the four parts of the chorus, this one is the simplest for sure. The lines mean exactly what is said. It also feels the most chaotic and mischievous. Is the speaker drunk? Is he high on something? One thing’s for sure. He’s out of money.

Chorus Part 2

何愁不得一样我 Why feel troubled that (I) cannot have another just like me?

知交尽向话中添 for one who understands you and is understood, look entirely towards stories to fill that place

唐解元 嵇中散 people like Tang Bohu (first in provincial examinations) and proud, upright and stubborn Ji Kang

且驰大梦任疯癫 Just chase that great dream, allow yourself to go mad.

I feel like the first two lines are quite straightforward, though they might not appear so on first reading: How could there be a need to feel sad or troubled that I have no like-minded equal. To find a true friend who understands you without need for words, and whom you understand in return, all you need to do is turn to those tales and stories 话中 for people to fill 添 that place.

唐解元 - People like Tang Yin, courtesy name: Bohu 唐寅, 字伯虎 (1470–1524 AD), noted painter, calligrapher and poet of the Ming Dynasty. Tang Yin led a life full of ups and downs that really cannot be covered in a paragraph’s worth of song translation notes. You can check out his wiki page if you’re curious though! There’s a little more on him where I cover the last line of this section. He is addressed as 解元 | jiè yuán here which is the term for the top scorer of the provincial examinations (second stage in the Imperial examination ladder). It is also an honorific for scholars. Tang Bohu is both.

嵇中散 - People like Ji Kang, courtesy name: Shuye 嵇康, 字叔夜, (223–262 AD), one of the Seven Sages of the Bamboo Grove - a group of friends who wisely kept themselves aloof from the dangerous politics of the Court, and devoted themselves to art, refinement and debate, of the Three Kingdoms period. He was a Daoist philosopher, musician, writer and poet.  

An accomplished musician, the qin composition 廣凌散 | guǎnglíng sàn is attributed to Ji Kang, though some versions of the story claim he learned it from a ghost while stopping at a pavillion on his way home. 嵇中散 was one of the names he was known by because of his appointment to the position of Attendant Counsellor, 中散大夫 | zhōng sàn dàfū, a civil official unspecified duties in the court of Cao Wei.

When Ji Kang was sentenced to death for his attempt to testify for a wrongly accused friend, three thousand scholars petitioned for his pardon to no avail. It’s said that at the execution ground, while they waited for the appointed hour, he had his favourite qin brought out and played a brilliant interpretation of Guanglin San that is now forever lost.

Do go read about them both if you have the time!

I would like to point out for the last line that 任 is to allow, to indulge, and it’s just such a heady sensation to say 任疯癫 - indulge in the madness! throw yourself in and don’t look back!

There is an easter egg here too. A nod to a poem by Tang Yin which can be read as his stance on his lifestyle choice after the alleged accusations of bribery in the final step of the Imperial examinations left him disgraced, and unable to pursue a civil career. Thematically the line does not call back to the poem at all, similarities end with the choice of words: chasing the dream 驰大梦 and indulging madness 任疯癫.  I leave an excerpt below. Translation again by me.

《桃花庵歌》- Song of a Plum Blossom Cottage // 若将花酒比车马 | if tawdriness and wine were compared against fine carriage and steed 他得驱驰我得闲 | he would have to drive and work hard for speed whilst I have my idle rest 别人笑我太疯癫 | others mock me for my madness 我笑他人看不穿 | i am amused for they do not perceive 不见五陵豪杰墓 | can’t you see that at the Emperors’ mausoleums and heroes’ graves 无花无酒锄做田 | there are no flowers, no wine, only land ploughed for farming

The second part of the chorus isn’t related to the first, but it has the same theme of showcasing the untamable (unhinged xD) spirit of the speaker. This time, the people he admires ‘intellectual equals’ and kindred spirits are featured, the 任性 feeling here has been pushed to greater heights.

Chorus Part 3

敢夸洒落何须酒 If one dares to boast of carefreeness, why, they hardly need wine.

不煮黄粱也称仙 Even without brewing millet they would still be called Immortal.

镜湖桌 白梅盏 The tables in the mirror-like lake, white plum blossoms in the cups,

等来春风恰开宴 await the spring breeze which arrives just in time for the feast to start!

Li Bai is regarded as both the god of poetry 诗仙 and god of drunkards wine 酒仙 because he wrote some of his greatest poems while drinking. The first two lines seem to be gently poking fun at that. Like hey, if you dare to claim to be all groovy, surely you have no need for alcohol? Just like how an immortal would still be an immortal without wine, your writing talent should not need any stimulants. This would be the time to mention that 黄粱 | huáng liáng is also known as millet, a type of grain that can be used to brew wine.

洒落 | sǎ luò has a few meanings, like shower down or blame, but the relevant one here would be 洒脱 generous, uninhibited and open. For me it feels similar to 风流 in that there is that ‘free, and exhilaratingly unrestrained’ element. 洒落 is in the most positive sense, being always open to having a good time, but without that dissolute or vaguely whirlwind-romance like connotation of 风流.

It feels like the intensity is letting up a little here - this is a light-hearted and frivolous song all the way through, but the words 洒落, 称仙 and imagery of a clear lake, white plum blossoms and the crisp spring breeze are grounding and sweet. Spirited in a different way from before.

Chorus Part 4

四角天地也醺然 The four corners and heaven and earth are also tipsy,

醉极自有桃李搀 when I’ve overindulged, my students will be there to help.

快意只 笔下讨 Gratification can only be claimed from beneath the brush;

何必诗债换酒钱 is falling into poetry debt worth that money for drink?

New words: 醺然 | xūn rán just means drunk. A new word for me though! 桃李 | táo lǐ is literally peach 桃 and plum 李 (李花, also known as 玉梅) flowers, and is a metaphor for students. The term originates from a story in 《韩诗外传》which was set in the Wei Kingdom of the Spring and Autumn period (771 to 476 BCE). There was once a highly ranked official who was sacked from his post and left for the north. He met another gentleman and remarked that the people he helped before did not lift a finger when he was in need. This person replied that, if someone were to plant peach and plum trees in spring, he could relax under their shade in the Summer and taste their fruit in the Autumn. But if that person were to plant weeds, nothing can be done with their leaves in Spring and there would only be burrs to hurt himself on in Autumn. Clearly the people the unfortunate gentlemen had helped before were not worth his effort. Students ought to be carefully selected and carefully cultivated as one would a tree.

Reading the four corners and heaven and earth 四角天地 are also tipsy 也醺然, I imagine the world sort of spinning around the speaker because he is drunk. But that’s okay, because his students (or the trees xD) will be there to support him.

快意 | kuài yì is the feeling of sudden relaxation, and then lightheartedness and joy. In this line, I felt like the intention would be closer to 畅快，爽快 and so chose gratification, because really writing is like scratching an itch isn’t it? Pleasure from satisfaction of a desire. Phrasing it as 笔下讨 is so very fitting though, because 讨 can be interpreted - somewhat contradicting - as either to demand or to beg. What could be more gratifying than having squeezed out the perfect sentence or word under your figurative pen?

So so so after all that, 何必诗债换酒钱? What do you think, is alcohol worth the poetry debt? Is Mr. Poet actually drunk and about to dig himself a deeper hole of owed poems to get even MORE drunk, or has he just been thinking about it all along? :)

Thoughts

This has been such a fun adventure following our madcap big spender from the shining Chang’an to the inviting Qinhuai, shadow of great poets in tow and all. We’ve done everything from talking to the moon and seeing the sights by her light, to boating down a river, dragging fingers through the water. It was sort of like being on a backpacking tour, except with with someone contemplating opening (or perhaps regretting opening this can of worms?) poetry commissions instead of singing in the streets?

Dear reader, if you’ve reached this point of my post, thank you. I hope you enjoy the song as much as I do now!