#I was nervous for weeks😭
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Today was finally the day where I've got to know if I passed my final working exam...I DID!!
I'm not an apprentice anymore!🧚🏻♀️
#after 3 years of learning this job#I did it#i'm so proud of myself#i've waited weeks for this#no one would tell us a thing if we passed#I was nervous for weeks😭#today was my last day as an apprentice#I will miss my colleagues with whom I studied#we work in a bigger company#so we all got into different areas#it was a good time with them#we were such a good group#anyways on monday I don't have those nice working hours anymore#now that i'm an official ? worker I need to work 3 shifts :(#i'm totally not ready for that#anyways let's see#now I celebrate#this is so long omg sorry
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everyone be quiet i'm manifesting
#the bad batch#tbb#star wars#star wars the bad batch#sw tbb#tbb omega#tbb wrecker#tbb crosshair#tbb echo#tbb tech#tbb hunter#mods art#mods draws#my art#YAYYYYY ITS DONE#i've been tinkering w this for like a couple weeks now i think#just on and off#whenever i was nervous about their fates or just generally sad about them i would work on this#it was supposed to make me feel better but it would usually just make me more sad 😭😭#but i still really like how it turned out!!! so that's cool#very self indulgent but!!! whatever#i think i'll add this to my inprnt soon too :) so keep a look out for that i guess lol#okay byeeeeee#ALSO THE NEW EP WAS SO GOOD#okay bye fr
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i want to write a pasnerv fanfic
#girl wants to do everything#☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️#i'm slowly dying because of school#last week i missed most days because i wasn't ok and now i have thousands of assignments and essays😭#i miss being 12 years old#anyway#i think I'll post something in the next few days i think i just think#insane me#pascal curious#nervous subject#pasnerv#nervscal#ts2#the sims 2
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I wanted to share the tattoo I did yesterday!!
I really enjoyed the process🥹🫶 My “normal” art is generally a lot more detailed and time-consuming than these fanarts…something I genuinely LOVE is just spending lots of time focusing on the small details & forgetting everything else.
I’m overall really happy with how this turned out, I’ve been practicing A LOT😳 but even so, pork skin isn’t the same as a living, breathing human. I think this design might have been a BIT too complicated to be my first one but oh well…I learned a lot and pushing myself off the deep end is always how I learn best😆😆😤🙏
#in the future tbh what I want to do is realism and famous paintings etc#but tbh whatever bc I just love drawing😫💓#anyways would you want to see more of these??????????? like update on my process??#or just keep this blog as an eloise worship center😆#(I vote for that)#personal#and before anyone comes at me…in spain apprenticeships don’t really exist…#I go to a studio they’re all muy majos and they help me a lot…#give me lots of advice monitor my progress etc etc#but at the end of the day they’re just like distant mentors I hang out with😆😆 have to do it all on my own…#so I’ve been collecting lots of victims and hopefully over the next month I can do a few more😇🙏#it’s a strange process tbh#but I also had a few studios show interest in hiring me once I get more experience#so we’ll see if they follow through!!!!!!!🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏#also I’ve been very flustered/nervous in the last week bc of this so#if I’ve been weird about responding etc etc THIS IS WHY😭😭😭😭😭😭😫#I’m slowly trying to catch up….🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰#also my last note is that my super sweetie pie but somewhat incompetent bc took the picture of me tattooing😆😆😆#I take what I can get…
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besides cute cat Damian i’m so curious why he goes all the way to Bludhaven, since he was turned in Gotham
based on some turned characters, their instincts lead them to figures in their lives - Bruce goes to Gotham, Harley to Ivy, and Mera to Andy
the only reason i could think of Damian going to Bludhaven would be for Dick 😭
#if Damian’s causing problems?? on purpose?? does he just want to get Dick’s attention. as cats do.#unless Damian was dropped off to distract Dick from helping with the Titans well ok then#either way i’m both nervous and excited for duo interaction next week 😭#i’m especially excited for more Basri art 😭#Damian’s base instinct was ‘why haven’t i met Haley yet. editorial can’t stop me now’#omfg wait i completely forgot jon’s gonna be there too LOL#rambling
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About to drop a bunch of money on some good quality gouache
#MAYBE....i need a push. idk im a believer of both#''buy cheap products to play around with em before upgrading'' AND ''you deserve high quality ones right out the gate''#im going with the latter this time and i rlly wanna do it idk why im just very nervous.#rly funny how every purchase I've made for the past few weeks has been ''its fine its my bday gift to myself''#this will be bday gift to self number 5 at this point 😭#talkys
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It’s getting reaaaal
#I move into my new apt tomorrow for university and have to meet two new roommates#to say I’m nervous is an understatement#and then classes start on Wednesday and I go back to work next week#ddssdfffkfkdfkffdjd time scares me so bad#vacation literally passed by so quick I’m stressed about everything in my life can we just pause pls 😭😭😭#but in sim related stuff: I have a little queue set up and then again posts will slow down by a lot or stop for a bit until I go on break ☹#txt post
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literally what a day i am still shaking
#i didn’t realize how scary it would be to teach for the first time😭#like i feel like my social anxiety has gotten so much better over the last few years but this was like.#social anxiety on Crack#i did do really well like i think you’d barely even be able to tell i was nervous#just bc when i’m scared i kind of disassociate and go on auto-pilot so i usually seem fine#but like. i have been replaying every second of it in my brain all day nitpicking for places i messed up#and this one guy made a Comment when i walked in which did not help#genuinely overall it went so well and everyone was so nice#but still. SCARY😭#luckily (?) i will be teaching 4 days a week for the next 2 years.#so i will have plenty of time to get used to it lmao#it’s weird bc i tutor so often but turns out small groups of Children online#is very different than a full class of 18-19 year olds😭#anyway. hopefully i will get Less nervous bc i would hate to feel like this every day
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uuuuhghrrrhbhbbbgghhhh
#txt#I’m excited to be unemployed next week but also really nervous#cuz like I gotta whole routine 😭 and I actually like the ppl I work with 😭#and I get a good discount 😭😭😭😭#and no more free edibles :(#but tbh I was gonna lose this job anyway. probably this month or next so it’s not like it wasn’t gonna happen#idk I’m also really nervous for school but I have time#and I’ll have no income for awhile FUCCCKKK I don’t wanna think about it
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Tobirei/Reinochi week!! This is Day 1 - Space
#tobireiweek2024#tobirei#reinochi#eve家#kara no kioku#tobi otogiri#rei tsukumo#I got way too lazy but take it idgaf#day 2 is worse than this since I did it during exams#After I finished exams I was sitting in my class drawing gay boys trying not to kiss each other#eugh#anyways enjoy tobirei/reinochi week I guess#day 2 is the only one I'm nervous abt posting 😭
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from the touch prompts: 12. on a scar; or 18. because you are dying :>
ty azia!! this one really sent me on a spiral this week adkfd
the pain of perception
pairing: Corisande Ymir/Y'shtola Rhul word count: 1292 | read on ao3 notes: i went with 18. because you are dying. 5.0 spoilers!
Y’shtola has always found Corisande difficult to look away from, some inexorable pull between them perpetually drawing her gaze. She turned toward them as a blossom sought the sun, unfurling in their light and basking in the warmth of it. Even when Y’shtola lost her sight and the world lost its color, Corisande’s familiar aether was more than enough to draw her in, their countenance so dear to her that it hardly took any effort at all to pick out their features.
In the grand entrance hall of Emet-Selch’s recreated Capitol building, the light Corisande emanates is not the kind Y’shtola wants to bask in. They are a beacon of aether, so bright they blur the forms of the other Scions gathered around them. So bright the light lingers even when she closes her eyes, a ghostly blur haunting the back of her eyelids.
She watches them as they take their leave of the others and turn toward her, seeking her out as surely as she sought them. They cross the hall, the soft click of their boots growing louder as they approach.
“The others are nearly ready. Ryne only wants to charge a few more cartridges for Thancred before we start on our way,” Corisande says, gesturing at the others over her shoulder, gathered by the door that leads deeper into the building. She lifts her hand, starting to reach for Y’shtola, but stops herself halfway, arm falling stiffly to her side. ‘Tis difficult to make out, but Y’shtola thinks she might be clenching her fist. “I came to see how you fared.”
Y’shtola holds back a sigh, her jaw clenched against the sharp pain in her chest at the aborted gesture. In the three years she’d spent without them on the First, she had so missed the easy physical affection between them. A reassuring squeeze of her wrist, a gentle hand on the small of her back, a soft brush of their thumb across her cheek. Touches she had at times wished Corisande would not make, if only to spare Y’shtola the misery of her endlessly growing feelings.
But she’d been wrong to think it would spare her any pain. Since their reunion—that near disastrous moment when Y’shtola had mistaken them for a sin eater—Corisande has, for the most part, kept a careful physical distance between them. Every deliberate step back, every halted reach for her hand, left her far more hurt and confused than any touch that had ever led her to hope for more.
That they keep their distance even now, when losing themself to the light is becoming less a potential threat and more a rapidly approaching reality with every passing moment, is more than she can bear. She reaches for their hand in their stead, pressing their cool palm to hers. “l have no preparations to make. I will be ready when you are.”
Corisande tips their chin, head tilting down in the direction of their joined hands. Y’shtola holds fast, hope swooping through her stomach, her breath caught in her chest as she waits. But rather than pull away, they squeeze her hand, and the ache in Y’shtola’s chest is eased as she finally exhales.
Corisande lifts her head in Y’shtola’s direction, her familiar features—the heart shape of her lips, the curve of her nose, her downturned eyes—just as obfuscated by the light as the rest of her body. There was a time that Y’shtola could have known what Corisande was thinking just by a simple shared glance. Now, though she could make her best guess, she could never be sure what was written in their expression. What Y’shtola might give to see the curve of Corisande’s gentle smile once more, before they venture toward a battle that could change her forever.
Y’shtola glances down at their hands, still pressed palm to palm between them. Corisande had not shied from one touch—perhaps she would not shy from another.
Do as your heart decrees, Y’shtola had told them, only moments ago. Without hesitation or regret.
Y’shtola raises her free hand to Corisande’s cheek, heartbeat a loud, steady rhythm as she moves. They lean down ever so slightly to meet her, their hair falling over her arm, the ends of it brushing lightly against her sleeve. She stills when their fingers wrap gently around her wrist, thinking they mean to tug her hand away, but they simply hold on.
“Is it difficult? To look at me? To—” Corisande’s grip on her wrist tightens. Their voice is soft, almost fragile to Y’shtola’s ears. “I know the toll a surfeit of aether takes on you. It must be exhausting just to have me near.”
“‘Tis not easy,” Y’shtola admits, though it pains her to say it. Corisande knows the truth already—the abundance of their aether is difficult for Y’shtola to process with her aether-fueled sight—and Y’shtola would not lie to her besides.
Worse than the harsh glare of their aether, though, is the damage the light has wrought on their soul, battered and bruised as it struggles to contain the light. For all the distance that Corisande has kept between them these past few weeks, they could not hide the depth of the wound from Y’shtola. While she knew Corisande would prefer it, Y’shtola saw no kindness in pretending otherwise—she would not turn from them when they were in pain, no matter how much it hurt to see.
Y’shtola sweeps her thumb across the swell of Corisande’s cheek, and hopes she’s looking her in the eye when she speaks again. “But I would no sooner look away than I would leave you to face what lies ahead alone.”
Corisande’s smile blooms under Y’shtola’s palm—cheek curving upward, the quirk in the corner of their lips where they’ve turned into her touch, the crinkle of skin around their eyes—and she answers with a warm smile of her own. Corisande sweeps a finger across the inside of her wrist, and after weeks—years—of so little contact between them, the deliberate touch feels monumental, as much a relief to the longing inside her as it is a catalyst for a desperate desire for more.
“Shtola,” they say, the newly restored warmth in their voice reigniting that flame of hope in her. The one that made her long for Corisande’s soft touches, that made her think Corisande has always felt about her the way she feels about them, the one that never quite went out. “I—”
They cut off with a soft whimper of pain, lurching forward with a grimace. Their grip clamps down sharply where they hold Y’shtola, fingers digging into her wrist and the back of her hand, and she feels the hold as if it were a vice around her heart, pressed under the weight of their pain. The light inside them surges, brightening and straining against their soul as Corisande struggles to stay on their feet, and then it fades.
“Are you all right?” Y’shtola asks, keeping her tone neutral though she feels anything but, unable to even blink away the image of the surging light. Corisande straightens, her expression smoothing beneath Y’shtola’s hand.
“Well enough,” she answers between breaths, her voice thin. She squeezes Y’shtola’s wrist, then gently tugs her hand away from her face, though she does not completely release her. “Perhaps we had better be on our way.”
“Of course.” Y’shtola expects Corisande to drop her hands, but they hold on to one as they pivot, placing themself at her side.
The door that will lead them to Emet-Selch looms before them, the others still gathered in front of it. Whatever they face beyond it, whatever Corisande’s heart decrees, Y’shtola would not turn her gaze. They would face it together—perhaps not hand in hand, but side by side.
#kels writes#xiv fic#corishtola#this really took hold of me this week so i hope. y'all like it akldjfasd#its wild how this moment did not exist in my brain til like 5 days ago and now it is so important for me that this happened#before the battle and before their first kiss#also i love writing shtola dialogue bc my process is sometimes like#here's the nice thing to say. the thing that in another romance the person would probably say. and here are all the reasons shtola would no#say that. she would just say!! the truth! and cori would know that and be fine with that. yes it hurts to look at cori. yes in my other fic#she's mad at cori. but she's gonna look and she's gonna love cori anyway.#ANYWAY. will stop the commentary now i just have a lot of feelings 😭#shadowbringers spoilers#idk why i feel nervous about this one okay. bye
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New cat acquired 😼
#katantalks#everyone say hello Lincoln!#idk if I’ll keep the name but it’s like cute lmao!#he’s also been very shy and nervous and has been hiding behind the toilet since the only relatively quiet and isolated place in my apartment#is the bathroom that he has to unfortunately still share with me 😭😭😭#cant believe I adopted a cat tho……..#insane!!!!! wtf!!!!!!!!!!!!#literally a week ago I was like ‘oh I’m not gonna get a cat I should probs settle in more and save up more’#but then I saw him 😭😭😭
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New theme for August ✨💅🏼👌🏼
I still dunno how to look aesthetic but I’m trying 🫠🫠👌🏼👌🏼👌🏼👌🏼👌🏼
#my birth month💅🏼💅🏼#Octavian theme for august <3 very fitting!!!#gosh mt birthdays next week and I’m so nervous lmao 😭😭😭#I hope to post tons of Octavian this month#not pjo#off topic#theme
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HELLOOOOOOOO IM BORED AND SLSO SICK AND I NEED ENRICHMENT
HIIIIII IM SORRY YOURE SICK HOPE YOU FEEL BETTER SOON!!!
#have any finals coming up that you’re worried about? I have an frq for aphug tomorrow and I’m nervous 😭#the end of the school year is coming up in like a month and my mind refuses to process it#I have spring show for dance team in like 2 weeks so I finally get to perform on a stage again and not a gym floor!!!#anyways how has your day/night/whenever been!#mutual shenanigans with mads#mads answers asks#ali!!!!
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#I am going into the studio next week to record for my first time ever 😳#First single is gunna be a folk/protest Christmas song I wrote with ukulele banjo and guitar (and sleigh bells)#I’m suuuuper excited#But starting to get nervous#Fun fact the public libraries in the big city near me have recording studios you can use for free with a decent set up of software#And various instruments too!#I love libraries 😭#Hopefully we can get it mixed and finished for release early december#Just! AHHH!#C#c sings
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in like first grade during my first ever spelling bee I got the word 'culture' and fucked it up and I think I was the first person to get out
#that shit HURTED#i studied for WEEKS all the hard words they wouldnt have even used only to get out ROUND 1 because of CULTURE.#it was in front of everybodies parents i had to sit w my mom til the whole thing was over i think i started crying 😭#and i realized how i fucked up while i was sittin too i think i was just really nervous#im still mad about it too put me in a 1st grade spelling bee id spell circles around them kids#kae.txt#spelling/reading was my whole thing as a kid so it was a big deal to me
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