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sansanficrec · 6 years ago

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Q&A with ladytp

Grab a glass of wine and get to know @ladytp!

How long have you been writing fanfiction?

I actually went back to the folder of my first posted fanfic, and it was almost 6.5 years ago, September 2012… That was my first ever creative work I wrote as well, as I started quite late – being already adult, established professional and all that. So never too late to start, one doesn’t have to have grown up writing!

Did you write before that?

No I didn't - unless scientific publications are counted as 'creative' writing (well, to be honest, sometimes there was an element of creativity when trying to make one's data make sense, LOL!)

How long ago did you join Tumblr?

To be precise (as I like to be!) I joined March 1st 2013 – so almost six years ago… But it took me four months to make my first post (an awesome music video about ASOIAF and GoT), being initially a ‘lurker’ to observe and learn. I migrated there from Livejournal when things started to quiet down there – like a moth I was drawn to bright lights, moving images, and more of my fandom content!

What is the meaning behind your username?

My username is from the Livejournal times as well, as when I joined it, I didn’t grasp the significance of one’s url or username and just picked the first one that came to mind when filling in the details: “lady” and my initials. D’oh! Luckily I have been able to successfully have the same name in other platforms as well, which is great – it is easier than have many different names. I am also glad that it is not fandom specific, as my interests are many and varied…

What was your first fandom? First pairing?

Definitively ASOIAF – that was my introduction to the whole cultural phenomenon of ‘fandom’, devouring fics and joining communities (yeah, I am so far behind of everyone else – I used to have a life, LOL!). Sansan was my first ship, but I also had a brief period when I was very interested in Daenerys and Jorah (this was before I saw the show). Even though the show had a big negative impact on Sansan experience for me (not due to Rory, I hasten to add – but the storylines), it has still stayed my OTP in a sense that I feel most comfortable about writing them and their dynamic still fascinates me above anything else.

How/when did you first notice (or start to ship) Sansan?

My story is very typical; first reading their interactions after the Hand’s Tourney, then the scene of the Battle of the Blackwater – and I was hooked. Googling and finding fics, Livejournal communities and all the metas…no getting back from there! I mean; it is so blatantly obvious that I wonder who can read the books and NOT get the vibes??

Is there a SanSan fic you’re particularly proud of? Chapter? Paragraph? Plot?

Hmmm…’Which one of your children you love the best?’, in other words – always a difficult question! I guess I am still the proudest of “The Triangle” It was one of my early fics, it was a long-fic, and it was about the subject I had been fascinated with for years and years; the complicated Arthurian relationship between 3 people who loved each other for different reasons (Arthur, Guinevere and Lancelot in the original, Sandor, Sansa and Jaime in the fic). Chapter-wise I am very happy with the last chapter of the “Kiss of the Blade”, as hard as it may be for some due to the character death implied. It has melancholy but also beauty, I thought when I wrote it. Plot-wise I am excited and happy about my current WIP “This Time, We’ll Do Better”, as although it has some common trope elements, I think they have somewhat cool applications and it is nice to write something more plot-orientated for a change!

Any comments you’ve received that stick out, even now?

I have to admit that again, “The Triangle” inspired some absolutely wonderful comments, probably because of its unusual premise. Towards the end, and especially with people who had read it in one go long after it had been completed, there were some wonderful convos going back and forth. I especially enjoyed the ones where people either told that they had had some reservations starting it, but then ended up really enjoying the fic, or the ones where they might have had some queries and doubts and questions, leading to a mutually fruitful and eye-opening discussions on both sides. Those conversations really blew my mind!

Do you use a beta?

I have had the privilege of working with two wonderful betas, of which I am eternally grateful. The first one was wildskysheri / wildsky, whom I “met” via Livejournal, and who betaed for me for “The Triangle”, “A Chance Encounter” and “A Premediated Reunion”. She taught me – a non-native English speaker/writer – so much about writing and what to pay attention to and what to look out for. I owe her so much! After our ways parted amicably as she moved on to other things, I was without beta for a long time, not really actively looking for one, but when my path crossed with the lovely @hardlyfatal, I have once again had the pleasure of getting my words scrutinised by someone knowledgeable, making them better on “This Time, We’ll Do Better”. I honestly can’t speak highly enough for a beta who can make any writer and fic so much better!

Are there tropes/styles/genres you struggle with? Any that are almost too easy?

I do struggle a bit writing babies and children, and hence haven’t written much about them… I don’t generally care for modern AUs either and would struggle to write a full story in a modern times – although who knows, maybe in a right setting, replicating the high stakes situation of the canon, it could work. Haven’t tried so can’t say for sure! Very fluffy genre is also something I don’t feel particularly comfortable with, nor anything where the characters are very young. And porn without plot is neither a genre I relish. The most comfortable genres for me are the slow-burns, where mature people interact with each other in a mature way (whatever that means…). First realisations of feelings, hesitancy, and all that. I also do like plot-driven stories that have a start, middle and ending. I am all open for fake marriage, bed-sharing, ‘there was only one room at the inn’ kind of genres – any kind of ‘forced’ situations where the characters are obliged to spend time together!

When you start a fic, do you know where it will end? Or do you figure it out along the way?

There have been fics along both scenarios – some were started at the spur of the moment, with only vague ideas of where and how far they would go (”The Prophecy” comes to mind, which I started as a random holiday scribbling – and repeatedly apologised and updated my chapter number as it grew and grew and grew…). And there were the ones where even at the end I couldn’t decide what the ending should be, so I wrote two (for example “Past Was Such A Long Time Ago“). But for most I would have some idea about the ending at the start, and for some I would gain it somewhere early along the way. So yeah, it varies!

Do you have any rituals/conditions for ‘getting in the mood’ to write?

I mostly write over the weekends when I have more time, after getting up and having breakfast, reading my emails and checking on Tumblr and doing all the routine stuff one does – and then I open my doc and start writing… With my internet radio blasting on the background on some jazz or lounge or classic channel. I find it hard to write during the weeks after getting back from work and being distracted by mundane home things and TV and such.

Have you ever had writer’s block? Any tips for overcoming it?

I did have a period well over a year ago when I felt I had ‘lost my mojo’. It was largely to do with the way the Game of Thrones show had progressed and changed the characters so much that I couldn’t recognise them anymore, and my initial inspiration of writing about them consequently suffered. Especially as the show canon started to take over the original book canon so strongly in many platforms, including fics. The way I got over it was to distance myself from the show and partly, unfortunately, also from the fandom (so largely focused on show). I had a nice break, didn’t read many fics, focused on books and generally took a step back. Then I challenged myself to write a new type of story, a plot-focused ‘action & adventure’ story instead of romance focused only. That inspired me to write again, and I have been riding on that inspirational wave ever since with my latest long-fic WIP!

Aspirations of publishing one day?

No, not really. It is a tough world out there, especially as writing has become more reachable to many people who previously might not have even considered it (yay, fanfic and other forms of creative writing and platforms encouraging it!), and publishing world is awash with submissions and self-published stories alike. Although I don’t know for sure, I suspect that wanting to become published would take much more effort and determination and will than what I have for now, as for me this is a lovely hobby, nothing more.

What are your other hobbies?

My absolutely biggest hobbies are food and wine. I have loved cooking, eating and learning about food and wine for most of my life and it’s really important for me. Cooking meals ‘from the scratch’ from their base ingredient is what I love, as well as learning to master new techniques, new cuisines and difficult recipes. When I travel, food is one of the main drivers for that too, and holidays are largely built around restaurants, regions, cuisines and wineries. Holidaying in wine regions and wine tasting is the favourite kind of holiday! Yet I also love everyday cooking – the beauty of this as a hobby is that I get to do it every day and can challenge myself, be inspired by it and practice it all the time!

As for other hobbies…not really… I follow the transformative artform that is WWE, especially Dean Ambrose, and love visiting historical sites and reading about history, but that can hardly be called an active hobby… I also make some photo and video edits for fun, but lately my writing has taken much of the time I used to dedicate to that. Yet I feel that what I have is enough – I have no desires for an active life with lots of different hobbies and activities.

Any tips for writers looking to post their first (or second, or twentieth) fic?

I hope this doesn’t sound too harsh, but it would be really cool if even those who write only for ‘shits and giggles’ would do some basic formatting and language checks… Things like how to indicate dialogue, spacing between paragraphs and when to apply them, and of course, basic grammar. There are nowadays so many websites advising about those things, as well as free tools (for example Grammarly), that they are accessible to every person with access to sites posting their stuff – and a simple Google search is your best friend. I recommend this because ignoring those things may easily drown even the most amazing story in these times of fic over-abundance.

Other than that, write the stories you would like to read yourself, and the scenarios you would like to see in the canon. Study the writing style of the writers whose stories you admire and see if you could pick up a trick or two from them (but not plagiarizing, naturally). And if you can, get a beta – it is not absolutely necessary, but would give you a second opinion and advice from a trusted person. Oh, and give yourself a break between writing and final editing – ideally have a buffer of chapters in a draft phase before starting to post, so whenever you write something new, you can afford to let it rest for a while before getting back to it with fresh eyes. And have fun!

Anything you’d like to say to writers in general?

Don’t get hung up on statistics or comparisons. Think why you are writing – is it because everyone does it and you feel you should too, or because you truly enjoy it, or because of the stories themselves, or because you have an internal urge to do it, or it is part of your social networking activities… all are valid reasons, but once you define what they are for you, the easier it is to focus on it and the satisfaction it gives to you.

Anything you’d like to say to readers in general?

If you like a fic, don’t be shy about commenting, as it truly means so much to the writers… Even simplest comment is gratefully received. If you feel like wanting to pass on constructive criticism, first ensure the writer welcomes it, then formulate it in the politest possible way with positivism thrown in as well (and of course, make sure it is actually constructive). Marvel the choices and abundance of fic availability and acknowledge what a joy it is to live in this time and age when all that is possible. Enjoy!

Anything you’d like to say to the SanSan fandom in general?

Do not give up hope – Game of Thrones is over soon and we can get back to canon content, hopefully soon with The Winds of Winter. Whatever the further story of Sandor and Sansa is there, we know how important it has been already and nothing can take that away!

Read LadyTP’s SanSan here!

Read LadyTP’s full library here!

#sansan fic recs #Q&A #ladytp #sansan

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carnegiemuseumnaturalhistory · 6 years ago

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Is this butterfly blue or green?

by Vanessa Verdecia

An image of a beautiful “blue” butterfly. What kind is it, they asked me? That’s not always an easy question to answer. The first thing I knew was that this butterfly was in the family Papilionidae. That determination was made based on the tails seen on the hindwings, giving the family its common name of Swallowtail butterflies. It’s a good thing the Carnegie has a wonderful reference collection of butterfly specimens that is also complemented with an extensive library of scientific literature that should give me a good shot at figuring out what this beautiful specimen might be.

I started with some of the amazing picture books in the library because all I had was a single image of a specimen to identify with no visible clues from the image that might show what region of the world the specimen was collected from. After searching through the historical collection for curated and identified specimens to compare to the image, and perusing through dozens of drawers of mixed swallowtail butterflies that might contain similar specimens, I was almost certain the specimen in the picture was a Papilio blumei,also known as the Green Swallowtail. Hmmm, the Green Swallowtail? The wing shape and pattern of the markings on the wings were a match, but the picture I had was of a butterfly with blue markings, not green! All the specimens of this species in the collection looked green.

Then I thought: I bet this unusual color has something to do with the structural coloring in the scales of the wings. The reason the butterfly looked blue in the image was because the picture was taken in the dark and the photo was shot at an angle. This caused the butterfly to appear blue because the microscopic scales of the wings are structured in such a way that they interfere with visible light. When I held my hand over the specimen and cast a shadow on it, the green bands then appeared blue, just like in the picture. Structural coloring like this is seen in many insects and other animals, and can often be iridescent.

The next step was to confirm the identification with Dr. Rawlins, our expert on Lepidoptera (moths and butterflies). This is where it got tricky. According to the literature, Papilio blumeiconsists of four distinct subspecies that represent geographical variants of that species. When looking at specimens in the collection, there are subtle differences in the width of the blue bands on the wings. The photograph I had matched specimens that were identified in the collection as Papilio blumei. This species is only known from the island of Sulawesi (Indonesia). Differences found among specimens from different regions of the island appear to correspond with the different subspecies. A careful detailed study would have to be done in order to revise this species complex.

Sorting out all this tricky stuff is the science of taxonomy, which is the branch of science that deals with the classification and naming of organisms. Species are classified according to the various characteristics they have in common, which helps scientists to understand how organisms are related to one another. A deeper understanding of these different characters and how they evolved over time and in concert with a species life history, is what constitutes the study of systematics, which is the field of study that deals with evolutionary relationships among organisms.

There are over 1 million described insect species on earth, and many more sitting in collections all over the world, still waiting to be “discovered”. Some of these specimens hidden away in the collections are known to be new species and are in the process of “getting a name”—a common phrase heard around museum insect collections that refers to the process of describing in detail the defining characteristics of the species, assigning a Latin name to the specimen(s), and formally publishing the name in the scientific literature. Getting to put a name on a new species is one of the best things about working in a museum. Knowing how many specimens there are to work on, or the possibility of stumbling across a lost or forgotten species someday while working in the collection is truly exciting. In a collection containing an estimated 30,000 drawers and roughly 14.5 million specimens, you never know what you might find!

Vanessa Verdecia is a collection assistant in the museum’s Invertebrate Zoology Section. Museum employees are encouraged to blog about their unique experiences and knowledge gained from working at the museum.

#Carnegie Museum of Natural History #Butterflies #Butterfly #Lepidoptera #Papilonidae #Papilio #Blumei #Swallowtail #Green Swallowtail #Structural Coloring #Taxonomy #Systematics

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asleepinawell · 6 years ago

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Things That Go Bang In The Night

Shoot Haunted House fic for halloween, except not really scary at all and mostly silly. Arranged as a series of shorts, or incidents as the case may be.

Based very loosely in my chaos au, but the only thing you need to know is it’s post-samaritan and shoot are a firmly established relationship at this point.

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Nighttime Disturbances

John is cooking an aggressive amount of pancakes when Root comes downstairs. Root looks at the heaping plates full of breakfast food on the counter of the surprisingly modern kitchen and then at the dark circles under John's eyes and manages not to laugh. She does, however, smile ever so slightly and John's eye twitches just a fraction.

Shaw is the next to show up, wearing a shirt Root thinks might actually belong to her, but the mutual clothing-theft has gotten to the point where it's basically irrelevant. Shaw looks at John and John glares at Shaw and Shaw smirks for all she's worth. She takes two overflowing plates of pancakes, tucks a bottle maple syrup in the crook of her arm and secures a seat for herself at the big stone table in the kitchen. She looks at her plates for a few seconds and then shuffles the pancakes around with a fork until all but three are on one plate. The smaller helping gets pushed over in front of Root.

By the time John joins them at the table, Shaw has eaten half her pancakes, but she still eyes the plate of bacon and eggs he has. He puts a protective arm around his plate before he starts in.

Root waits until he’s drinking his orange juice before asking, innocently, “Did you sleep well, John?”

She's disappointed when he doesn't spit out his drink, but he does scowl at her around his glass.

Fusco shows up before John can answer and collapses into a vacant chair.

“Boy, when you said this place was haunted, you weren't joking.”

Root does not smile even a little bit. Shaw stuffs more pancakes in her mouth, a look of intense concentration on her face. On the other side of the table, John is grimacing.

Fusco doesn't seem to notice. ��Creaks and bangs all night and ghostly moans. I don't think I got a wink of sleep.”

Root adjusts the collar of her shirt a little and she sees John's eyes narrow when he focuses in on the movement.

“Maybe we should attempt an exorcism tonight,” he says. “Pour some cold holy water all over the ghosts when they start being a nuisance.”

Fusco's forehead wrinkles in confusion. “I thought that was for vampires.” He gets up to investigate the pancake situation. “You really cooked a lot of these, huh?”

“I had trouble sleeping. For some reason.”

Root is done with her breakfast, but Shaw's still going strong. Root watches her stuff her cheeks like a squirrel preparing for winter.

“You two hear anything?” Fusco asks.

Root pretends not be watching John out of the corner of her eye. “Not that I can recall.”

“Funny. It was really loud. I was scared out of my mind. Spent the whole night pointing my gun at the door.”

“Do bullets even work on ghosts?” Shaw asks, her mouth momentarily pancake-free. “Silver bullets maybe?”

“That's werewolves,” Root corrects and Shaw shrugs as if defense against the supernatural is not an extremely important topic.

“I'm sorry we missed the excitement,” Root says. “I rather enjoy things that go bump in the night.” The eyebrow waggle might be a little too much, but she can't help herself.

John stands up, maybe just a little too fast.

“I'm going to go explore the rest of the house.”

_________________

Cleaning out the Attic

“Still don't see why we have to do this,” Shaw grumbles after she recovers from another sneezing fit. Everything here is covered with a thick layer of dust and it feels like her lungs are full of it, and Root has it even worse with the sneezing and itchy eyes. What a dumb mission.

“She thought it would be nice for all of us to get out of the city for a few days,” Root calls from the other side of the room. The boxes here are stacked high enough that Shaw can't see her over them.

“She could have given us an actual vacation then, not digging through moldy paperwork in a drafty old house in the middle of fucking nowhere.”

Root pops her head around the nearest stack of boxes. There's dust in her hair, a grey smudge across one of her cheeks, and she's wearing a shirt with an overly cute little ghost on it that says 'hey boo-tiful’. Shaw shouldn't think she looks hot like that. She blames it on the boredom. And on the glasses which she knows Root doesn't need for this but she's wearing anyway as some sort of attack on Shaw's sanity.

“Am I not entertaining enough for you, sweetie?” Root's practically leering at her now which looks really dorky with her wearing that shirt.

Shaw drops a stack of paper onto the floor and brushes her hands off. “We can do that anywhere. Preferably somewhere warmer with room service.”

“But we'd be missing out on the added bonus of messing with the boys.” Root prods the stack of papers. “Nothing in these?”

“Not unless she's interested in a detailed hand-written accounting of how much it costs to redo the roof like eighty years ago.”

Root taps her lower lip with one finger. “Hmmm.”

“You can't be serious.”

Root shrugs helplessly. “She says you never know what She might need some day.”

Shaw has been basically over the Machine's new data collecting obsession since it started three months ago. She can acknowledge that there is a ton of information and history out in the world that's never been digitized and that some small fraction of it might help the Machine help humanity, but this is ridiculous.

The Machine can hardly rely on just them to dig up every paper document in the city, let alone in the world, and Shaw suspects she has a lot of people working for her without them realizing what their employer is. They get sent on occasional random missions though, most of which are horribly dull and involve a lot of sorting through paper and not a lot of knee-capping.

“If she really is going to want every single piece of paper in this house, she should say that and we can get a bigger van and just cram everything in there and let someone else sort it out.” Shaw has Claire still working on scanning in the thousands of pages from their last little trip, and that had been months ago.

“Afraid that's not the mission, Shaw.” Root prods the half-full box in front of Shaw meaningfully with one long finger. “And how often do you get to stay in one of the most haunted houses on the east coast?”

“I'd think New England would be lousy with the things.” Shaw takes in Root's expression, gauging her options. She knows she can get out of this, but she's got to approach it the right way. “Anyway, it's not like we've seen any ghostly activity here. Scariest thing to happen was that kale disaster Reese made for dinner last night.” Reese is a decent enough cook, but there are sometimes lapses in his judgment.

“Maybe we'll get lucky and see something spooky tonight since John exiled us to the east wing. It's supposed to be where most of the haunting has taken place historically.”

Reese had half-ordered, half-begged them to move to the other wing, and while Shaw doesn't take orders from him, she’s decided to be merciful. Most rooms in the house are huge and empty which lends it some interesting acoustics and, well, Root never was much of one for keeping quiet. Which brings Shaw back to her current mission to get out of sorting papers.

“You know,” Shaw says, shifting her weight to move herself a little closer to Root, “we could get lucky right now.”

The Machine must really want these damn papers because Root actually hesitates, but Shaw knows Root has no defense against a smooth come-on like that. She bites her lower lip (an unfair move) and sees Root's already-weak defenses crumble away in a flash.

“Attics are notoriously haunted,” Root says thoughtfully. “Might as well give this one a reputation.”

There's paper carpeting the attic floor by the time they're both worn out, some of which the Machine is probably going to yell at them for irrevocably damaging, but it's so worth it.

Root rolls over in the nest of scattered papers, looking for her shirt, and picks up a paper instead.

“This is about that kid that died here.” Root hands the paper over to her. “He was found drowned in a bathtub in the east wing. Everyone suspected his older sister, but no one could ever prove it.”

Shaw looks over the paper. It's got a clipping from a newspaper attached to it talking about the death of some kid called Phillip. She vaguely remembers Root talking about the whole thing on the drive up here. Supposedly the kid's ghost haunts the house and grounds and once drowned a gardener in one of the fountains on the lawn.

“Does the Machine care about stuff that's clearly just superstition?”

Root gets up and pulls her shirt back on, much to Shaw's disappointment. “She cares about how humans react to death and grief and fear, so in that sense, yes.”

“What about you? Do you believe in ghosts, Root?” Shaw teases.

“No.” Root smiles, but it's one of those hard, cold smiles, not one of the happy ones. “Ghosts tend to haunt people who wronged them during their life, right?”

“I guess?” She thinks there's something with loved ones getting haunted too, but she's hardly an expert on these things.

“If anyone was going to have been haunted…” Root trails off and shrugs. “So the odds are against them existing.”

Shaw rolls her eyes, because of course Root's ego would dictate that if she hasn't seen a ghost no one could have.

Root offers her a hand up off the floor. “What about you, Sameen?”

“Most things people take to be ghostly activity can be explained by quantifiable, scientific means. People are always blaming things they can't explain on the supernatural. It's lazy.”

Root grins and leans in so her face is right near Shaw's. “So what will you do when the ghost of little Phillip comes wailing down the hall to drown you in the tub?”

Shaw headbutts her gently in the face. “Any ghost shows up, I'll punch its ethereal teeth in, okay?”

Root backs up, clearly amused, and then glances around at the mess they'd made. “I think we should try the library. We can let Lionel finish up with the attic.”

“He'll love that.” Shaw hasn't been looking forwards to cleaning up the mess they made. She looks around the paper-covered floor one last time and then follows Root back down into the main house.

_________________

The Face in the Fountain

It's cold outside and Root wishes she'd brought a jacket, but the house and grounds are so large that going back for one would take at least twenty minutes. It might be worth it, except she's really tired and doesn't want to budge from the edge of the fountain she's perched on. The house has an unfortunate number of steps and she's been lugging boxes up and down them for the last day.

From out here she's got a pretty good view of the entire house. It's a massive thing, built out of grey and brown bricks with dark, empty windows lining every side. There's two distinct wings coming off the main house: the west wing which juts out onto the front lawn at a right angle from the rest of the house, and the east wing which, inexplicably, does the reverse and sticks out into the woods behind the house.

The front lawn has a few pathways across the overgrown grass, all in poor repair, and a handful of crumbling, ornamental fountains full of brackish water, including the one Root's sitting on. The back lawn has what was once a hedge maze but is now an impassable wall of brambles that the forest is hurrying to reclaim.

Shaw is running laps around the front lawn. Root figures she's working out the frustration of being stuck here for a week with no one to shoot. Shaw pauses next to the fountain on her next lap.

“You don't have to wait for me out here if you're cold.”

“I don't mind.” There's no easy way to watch Shaw work out back in the city, but here she can watch the full length of every lap Shaw runs and discreetly take pictures with her phone.

“Probably shouldn't stay by these things too long anyway.” Shaw peers into the murky water in the fountain with distaste. “Who knows what sort of shit's growing in there.”

Root looks in as well, but other than a distorted reflection of herself she can't see much.

“Maybe breathing in spores from whatever's growing in this toxic sludge is where all the ghost stories come from in the first place,” Shaw says. She drops a large rock in and it vanishes below the surface with a sploop noise. Ripples run across the surface of the water further distorting Root's reflection and stirring up the mud from the bottom. Something moves in the murky depths.

Root jerks back from the water and falls off the edge of the fountain to land on the ground.

“Root?”

Shaw looks at her like she's gone nuts and Root takes a second to get her breathing back under control before she answers.

“I didn't want to get splashed.” She gets back to her feet and tries to brush the dirt off, but the lawn was still damp from the rain last night so her pants are pretty much hopeless.

“It didn't even splash.” Shaw peers at the water as if she's expecting to find some other cause.

Root keeps her distance from the fountain. “We should head back inside and get changed before dinner.”

“Guess so.”

Root resolutely doesn't look back as they head up to the house for dinner. She knows it was just her imagination combined with reading stories of this place, but she can't quite shake the image of a corpse-pale face floating under the water, it's glassy eyes opened wide and staring at the sky.

_________________

The Face in the Fountain (continued)

They eat all their meals in the kitchen because the dining room is enormous, dusty, poorly lit, and even Shaw can admit it's a bit creepy. The kitchen is more than large enough and one of the few mostly clean rooms in the house. It should be a nice, friendly team dinner, but Fusco is exhausted and freaked out from the ‘ghost activity’ the previous evening, Reese is still sulking, and Root has been quiet since they came in for dinner. Shaw isn't sure what's up with her, but she figures it's nothing Root's going to open up about with the other two here.

After dinner they have to get their bags from their rooms to move to the east wing. Shaw brings a flashlight along since the electricity here seems to have a mind of its own and the wiring in the east wing is supposedly even worse. She thinks about calling the whole thing off and staying in the west wing, but she knows she'd get shit from Reese about being scared of ghosts if she did.

She briefly reconsiders again though because Root is still acting weird and making sure Root is okay is more important than not being teased by Reese, but Root doesn't seem to have any issue with switching wings. Still, she knows something is still up because Root doesn't hit on her once during the walk over and she's being all jumpy. Maybe she should have brought Bear along after all.

The rooms here are larger and probably had been nicer once upon a time, but now they're mostly dusty and full of covered furniture. The cleaning service the Machine had sent here ahead of time had salvaged a few bedrooms in both wings so there's a few habitable ones the choose from. Root opts for the smallest and Shaw doesn't argue because the rooms here are unreasonably large.

She waits until they climb into bed for the night before she tries to get an explanation out of Root.

“You've been quiet.”

Root murmurs something in response but it's muffled by her pillow. Shaw speaks evasive-Root-tactics well enough by this point that she can figure out by the pitch of Root's voice that she's brushing off the question. Shaw might have pushed further normally, but she's tired from lugging boxes of papers up and down stairs all day so she settles for rolling over closer to Root and dropping her arm over her. Root puts her hand over Shaw's and settles in.

Shaw isn't sure what wakes her up in the middle of the night, but she's suddenly wide awake and Root isn't next to her anymore. An unnecessarily dramatic flash of lightning from outside shows her that the other half of the bed is empty.

She figures Root probably just went to the bathroom, but the whole creepy house situation seems to merit her checking just in case. The bathroom is empty and Shaw stops back in her room to grab a flashlight before looking any further. Root took her slippers with her, she notes, so it wasn't like she ran out in a panic.

There's only a few places in the house they've all spent any amount of time in. She knows Root wouldn't go to the library since the extreme amount of dust there had caused her the sneezing fits that had sent them outside earlier that day. She wouldn't have a reason to go back to the room they'd stayed in previously, and a quick check of the main entrance hall has it full of shadowy corners but empty of Root. So that leaves the kitchen.

Root's sitting on the counter in the dark eating ice cream out of the container. Her hair is back in a messy ponytail and her bunny slippers are on her dangling feet. Shaw admits that she's maybe a tiny bit relieved by the sight even though she hadn't really thought anything bad had happened.

“I couldn't sleep,” Root says by way of explanation.

There's another flash of lightning outside followed by a peal of thunder and then it starts pouring. Raindrops hammer on the windows.

Root's face lights up in glee.

“Thunderstorm in a haunted house. Another item to cross off the bucket list.”

At least she seems to be in a better mood now even if she is working her way through their entire supply of ice cream. Shaw tries to rescue the remains of the pint, but Root loops her stupidly long legs around her and traps her there up against the counter. Root holds a large spoon of ice cream up and pushes it at Shaw’s face and no way is Shaw letting herself be fed like a child even if it is ice cream.

She ends up with ice cream smeared across her face before she escapes from Root's hold. The whole thing is extremely undignified and she's glad Reese isn't here to see it. She might discreetly wipe the remaining ice cream off her face with one hand and then lick it off her fingers, but there's no proof.

“Are you done now?” she asks, still indignant, but somewhat mollified by the delicious chocolate goodness.

Root evaluates her almost empty ice cream carton. “I suppose so.”

The ice cream goes back in the fridge and they walk back together by the light of Shaw's flashlight. Root seems okay now, but Shaw is still curious about earlier. She doesn't like it when she doesn't know why Root's upset, and if she doesn't find out what caused this round how can she prevent it next time?

“Did you see something when we were outside?” she asks as they cross the entrance hall. “In the fountain?” That's when this had started.

Root makes a small hmph noise. “Ghosts aren't real.”

“You saw a ghost out there?”

“Obviously I couldn't have since they're not real.” Root's tone is a bit condescending which Shaw takes as an improvement.

“Sure, but there could have been a dead animal or who knows what else in there. We can go take another look tomorrow if you want.”

“Yes, maybe that's just the thing.”

The way Root says it is maybe a bit ominous, but Shaw is glad enough that Root’s in a better mood that she doesn't read into it too much.

The next morning Root is already up and gone when Shaw wakes up. Shaw heads down to the kitchen and after a few very pointed hints from Reese makes a detour to the front lawn.

There is a huge truck parked on the front lawn. And a bulldozer.

Definitely suspicious.

Shaw goes back inside and gets coffee before investigating further because asking her to deal with Root's shenanigans without caffeine is cruel. When she gets over to the truck she sees some workers have a huge black hose running into the fountain Root had been sitting on yesterday and are draining it. Root stands nearby watching over the proceedings.

“When I said we could take another look…” Shaw trails off.

Root beams at her. “It was a great suggestion, so I figured I'd get right on it.”

“Right.”

The workers at the fountain wave them over. One of them points at something in the bottom of the drained basin. Shaw goes over to look and there, nestled in the wet weeds and filth, is the most repugnant looking baby doll she's ever seen. It's face is ghostly white and cracked and its glossy black eyes are wide and gaping like a fish's. If there'd been hair on it once it’s long gone now and most of the body is crushed.

“This what you saw yesterday?” Shaw can understand why seeing that bob up under the water might be disturbing, especially given the setting and the whole gardener-drowned-in-the-fountain story.

Root has a nasty glint in her eyes. “Unimportant now.”

She steps back from the fountain and waves an arm at the woman driving the bulldozer. Shaw sees where this is going and retreats to a safe distance. She'd ask Root if destroying the fountain is strictly necessary, but she already knows the answer she'd get and anyway Root just looks so pleased with herself and it's kind of endearing.

It's a weird sort of morning, she thinks. She's standing on the lawn of a haunted mansion wearing her boxers and a hoodie and Root's bright pink flip flops and drinking coffee out of a mug with a cartoon penguin on it. Root's next to her watching the bulldozer demolish the fountain with a look of intense satisfaction on her face. Her clothing situation isn't much better, though she at least managed to put on pants. She's got a new shirt Shaw hasn't before yet that says ‘ghouls just wanna have fun’ on it (Shaw is sensing a theme here) and an oversized flannel that Shaw thinks she might have stolen from one of their recent numbers and is barefoot much to Shaw's horror.

“Can I have a sip of that?” Root asks as the bulldozer backs up to make another pass at the ruined fountain.

“No,” Shaw says and hands her the mug.

“Thanks, Sameen.”

_________________

The Monster in the Conservatory

Fusco is red-faced and out of breath when he comes running into the lounge.

“It's...it's in the…” He pauses panting for breath.

Root waits politely for him to finish. Or leave. She's not picky.

“In the conservatory,” Fusco manages to get out.

Root sets down the ornamental dagger she's been considering accidentally acquiring for herself. “What is?”

“M-monster.” Fusco collapses into a mildewed arm chair.

Shaw peeks around the door frame from the next room. “What sort of monster?”

“Big...angry…teeth…”

“Evil dentures in the greenhouse sounds like a John problem,” Root says and ducks down to open the cabinet under the table.

“I want to fight the monster,” Shaw says. Her tone allows for no arguments.

Root can't not watch that so she gives up on robbing the place and follows Shaw. They pick up John from the smoking room along the way and head, not to the main entrance to the conservatory, but upstairs to the walkway entrance.

The conservatory is relatively newer than the rest of the house, a two story greenhouse built out of thick sheets of glass to let the sunlight in. There's a walkway on the second level of it that's accessible via a small staircase in the conservatory or an actual door from the second floor of the main house.

Shaw pauses as they near the door and reaches behind one of the creepy statues that line the hallways to pull out...a sniper rifle.

Root is impressed and slightly turned on. Maybe more than slightly. She wonders how many guns Shaw has hidden all over the house now.

“Let's see what this monster is,” Shaw says and pushes the door open.

The air inside smells awful, like rotten plants and soil and Root wrinkles her nose in disgust. Left untended, everything in the conservatory has either died or spread out to overtake all the other plants. There's vines and small trees below them and it looks a little like a jungle.

Shaw holds a finger up to her lips and then drops down to her hands and knees on the metal walkway to peer down into the forest below. Root looks over the edge of the railing, but nothing catches her eye. Maybe Fusco was imagining things.

Shaw smacks her on the leg and points and sure enough there's some leaves and branches rustling in the far corner. At first Root thinks it must be a squirrel, but it's pretty clearly something much larger. Maybe a deer?

All three of them watch the greenery closely as the shaking foliage gets nearer and nearer to the center of the room. Their quarry bursts out of the leaves and raises its large face to gaze up at them and sniff the air.

“Not a monster after all,” Reese says as they watch their new companion yawn hugely and show off its massive teeth and pink tongue.

“She's beautiful,” Shaw says softly, her voice full of wonder that's usually reserved for dogs.

Root isn't sure ‘beautiful’ is the word she'd use for the massive black bear munching on things in their house, but Shaw's obvious delight is adorable. Root, however, now feels totally justified in her previous caution about bears as those teeth are very large and its paws look impossibly huge. She's glad they're up high.

“There's a broken pane in the back,” Reese says. “She must have wandered in looking for food.”

Shaw frowns. “I hope she didn't step on any of the glass. Maybe we should check…”

Root is about to ask just how she plans to do that, but John seems to be one step ahead of her.

“We are not tranqing the bear, Shaw.”

Shaw actually pouts, lower lip stuck out like a child.

“But she might be hurt.”

They all watch the enormous bear stand up on its hind legs to rip a branch off a little tree. The walkway is high enough that she couldn't ever reach them, but it's still intimidating.

Shaw sighs. “Fine.” She sits down with her legs dangling over the side. Root figures she's staying until the bear gets safely away. She's torn between wanting to stay and watch Shaw watch the bear and going back to investigate the possibility of further fancy weaponry in need of a new owner.

Staying with Shaw wins out easily in the end. They sit side by side with their legs hanging off the walkway watching the bear snort and huff its way around the floor. Shaw's theory is there was some sort of fruit tree or berry bush down there and the bear is searching the ground for leftovers. Shaw takes the scope off her rifle so she can watch it close up.

After about an hour, the bear must run out of food because it lumbers back out the broken pane (Shaw watches with concern) and back into the woods at the edge of the property.

“I hope she's okay.”

“She'll be fine, Sameen.” It's sweet the way Shaw worries about some things so much, often things (people, animals) that no one else seems to care about. “Should we rip your clothes a bit and mess up your hair so we can tell Fusco the tale of your epic battle against the greenhouse monster?”

“No clothes ripping.”

Root could say several somethings about the hypocrisy of that, but she doesn't want to discourage Shaw from future over-enthusiastic clothing removals.

“We should make it look good though,” Shaw says and offers her a hand up. “Guess you'll need to give me a hand with that.”

“My pleasure.”

_________________

The Ghost of the East Wing

Root has to admit that the east wing of the house has a good, spooky atmosphere. There's scorch marks on some of the walls from a fire that partially burned down the wing years ago (the stories have it that you can still smell the smoke in the air, but Root has yet to smell anything other than mildew), and all the furniture is under white sheets. The wind howls through the cracks and rattles the windows enough to be irritating and make the whole place chilly. And then there's the fact the forest has grown in thick around this wing so there's nothing but dark woods outside the windows.

But the heating works well enough to keep the place comfortable and she's got Shaw as an extra heater, so it could be much worse.

Shaw whines in protest when Root sticks her cold feet up against her leg to warm them up. It's a cute enough noise that Root pulls her feet back and pushes them up against Shaw's other leg to see if she can get a repeat.

What she actually gets is socked in the face with a pillow.

It takes a few minutes of shuffling around before they're both comfortable enough to drift off and Root is so worn out from all the excitement of the day that she falls asleep quickly and doesn't wake up again until Shaw shakes her by the shoulder.

“Hhzzmhh?” Root asks. It's pitch black and she's still tired.

Shaw lays a finger across her lips to shush her and tilts her head to one side as if listening. Root goes as quiet as she can, barely breathing, and focuses on every little noise the house is making.

Footsteps. Those are definitely footsteps, and they're coming closer down the creaky floorboards of the hall.

Shaw rolls out of bed and drops to the floor in a crouch. Root knows for a fact that there's no way to move across the floor in this room without the floorboards making a racket, and yet Shaw is completely silent.

The footsteps are getting closer, and even though Root knows that ghosts don't exist and that the house isn't really haunted, she still feels a slight twist of fear in her stomach. She grabs her taser off the nightstand since Shaw has a gun already and if somehow she's been wrong all these years and ghosts really do exist, then maybe an electric current will be more effective against them than a bullet.

The door bursts open and there's a tall, formless white figure in the hallway.

“OoooOOOooooo,” it moans.

Root sighs. He wasn't even trying very hard, was he?

Shaw leaps up from where she was crouched next to the door and socks the ghost squarely in where it's face would be.

“Oww!” the ghost yells.

Shaw kicks it in the leg and slams into it so it falls over, twisted in its own sheet.

Root gingerly climbs out of bed and winces when her feet hit the bare floor. She tests the power on her taser as she moves towards the fallen ghost. Sure, she knows it's John, but he doesn't know that she knows so who could blame her for defending herself?

It's hours before anyone gets back to sleep.

_________________

Reassignment

Shaw wakes up to the news that they've been taken off the mission and are to return to the city immediately. She'd sort of been hoping to see the bear again, but otherwise she's pretty glad to get out of this place.

The list of reasons Root gives for their sudden departure is hard to argue with. The many incidents the Machine took issue with include: destruction of valuable historical documents, destruction of historic architecture, petty larceny, grand larceny, discussion of unsafe animal handling techniques (Shaw rolls her eyes at that one), excessive sneezing on valuable books, using historical stone gargoyles as target practice, attempted assault on an asset with a non-lethal weapon, and successful unarmed assault of an asset leading to a mild injury.

It's an impressive list and Shaw figures it's no wonder she feels so tired.

Reese is loading the car when she gets outside. He still isn't speaking to her and is holding an ice pack to his bruised jaw. Really he should be grateful she'd stopped Root from tasing him. It's not their fault he decided to try and scare them and they're hardly to blame for retaliating.

Root is a little sad they're leaving early and still sulking about missing out on a good tasing, but she seems eager to get back home as well. She steals the passenger’s seat before either of the boys can try to claim it.

Fusco is grumpy despite being the only one to have gotten a full night's sleep. “Next time you three need help, don't call me.”

Reese broods intensely in the back seat.

“Guess it'll just be you and me for the next haunted house,” Root says.

Shaw considers pointing out that basically every single strike against them from the Machine was either her or Root's fault (though Reese had brought that slug in the jaw on himself), and that the chances of either of them ever being sent on a similar mission are slim to none.

“I think we're scarier than a bunch of ghosts,” she says instead.

Root looks quite pleased with that response and begins listing off directions to get them back to the highway and out of this desolate area. Shaw starts the car down the driveway, the slightly-more-decrepit-than-they'd-found-it house in her rearview mirror.

#person of interest #shoot #my tumblr fics #mp #will be posting on ao3 as well at some point soon #happy halloween y'all #line breaks no longer show up on mobile thanks tumblr #i wrote something in present tense and hated every second of doing so

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higheldertala · 3 years ago

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nikola tesla’s night of terror salt commentary

wait this one doesn’t have a cold opening either? i thought they were brought back for s12? did i imagine this?

again im not well versed in history so unsure of any historical accuracies

finally the companions are wearing historical costumes!! 🎉🎉🎉

something something bad pacing you know the drill

it’s not an ‘alien’ gun if it’s silurian (amateur hour chibs)

the doctor is calling tesla a liar because ‘first thing I asked you I said have you seen anything weird?’ but tesla doesn’t have any chance to reply before being shot at?

and then she asks who they are and who was shooting at them which tesla replies he has ‘no idea’… which is true?? why she calls him a liar is bizarre. he’s not exactly lying just hiding some tech and it’s not like she asks him ‘what are you hiding? or have you seen any alien tech around?’ why is she so adamant he’s lying? it comes across as really harsh/ dickmove. oh he didn’t immediately tell a stranger everything, he must be up to something(!)

‘and i have no intention of handing it to total strangers’ at least tesla brings this up.

‘strangers who just save your life’ i mean for all he knows the doctor and fam could be the reasoning someone is trying to kill them, he doesn’t know that yet. why are they acting like tesla is the dick in this situation. clearly the doctor and fam aren’t very good at making friends.

after kane, and now tesla, the doctor is being quiet hostile to people she’s only just met. im gonna guess this is suppose to be intentional characterisation???

unsure why tesla and dorothy just lets the doctor and fam follow them into his lab. they don’t know them at all and they’ve been pretty hostile to him since meeting them

‘he should have been the first billionaire by now’ hmmm what a weird thing to say… anyone would think this doctor is pro capitalism or something…

nah but honestly this is way out of character for the doctor to be promoting capitalism in regards to invention. the doctor doesn’t care about profit and is an awful assumption to make that someone would only invent something for the pursuit of profit rather than scientific curiosity which is what the doctor would actually advocate for.

‘changing the world takes time. you have to be patient.’ god what a shit message. also this is very funny as last episode the doctor was saying we need to do something now before it’s too late and in this episode she’s like lmao wait a bit.

it’s very much that doctor always dictates what they’re doing. like you rarely see the companion take much agency in their actions (apart from that one time in praxues with yaz).

‘no guns ryan!’ sorry but the pacifist shit takes the piss, you’re clearly in danger, it’s not completely unreasonable that ryan may want to defend himself.

why doesn’t yaz reply to the doctor that the disguised skithra have got in already?? she just puts the phone down.

also she’s using her phone right in front of tesla, lol im sure he didn’t notice that at all(!)

having anjli mohindra in dw and she’s not playing rani chandra is an absolute crime. i mean at least ch*bnall can’t butcher her character this way so small wins i guess.

im sorry but why the fuck is edison allowed in the tardis??? i guess we’ll have to wipe his memory at the end of this, right doc?(!)

like there’s no need for dorthoy or edison to be in tardis?

‘you’re in here strictly on the QT right, so get them dollar signs out of your eyes cos this lot ain’t for sale’ why is he here in the first place then? it’s not like you trust the man or anything.

im confused why graham is trying to act like he knows more than he does in this episode. like is this in his character? has he ever done this before?

really don’t understand why we’re letting edison tag along with us.

oh look yaz is showing initiative in trying to escape the skithra ship, keep this up hun and we just might make a companion out of you yet(!)

i would say that yaz almost contributes something but again she gets kidnapped to be immediately recused so 🤷‍♀️.

‘that’s gotta mean rich and famous’ again why should the necessary motivation for inventing by profit and fame??? such a weird angle.

‘ tesla keeps on inventing, but no money no fame, he dies penniless’ why is this episode obsessed with money. is that the only way you can equate someone’s worth? 🙄

‘history leaves him behind’ why does the doctor sound seemingly okay with this??

‘either way, it doesn’t change what’s he done’ i mean he probably does deserve fair credit for his inventions.

concluding thought: a pretty decent episode, iron out the kinks, and give the companions something to do and this would good.

sonic uses: 11

#series 12 salt rewatch #dw commentary

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scoobert-doobert-fanclub-blog · 8 years ago

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Interview with Jon Colton Barry, Creator of Be Cool Scooby Doo

My Questions:

What inspired you to get into the business of cartoons? What does Scooby Doo mean to you? Do you have a message to the people who criticize your creation for sharing other styles of other shows? Do the characters have any little quirks that you've added in that you picked up from real life people? What's the behind the scenes look like for you? An average day in the life of being a writer/working on the show? Any tips for future writers and the like out there? Do you have a favorite line you've written in the show? Or a best moment? What inspires you to wake up in the morning? Any moments when you were bummed when something didn't make the cut? Or do you have all of the power?

Jon Colton Barry:

What inspired you to get into the business of cartoons?

I was actually writing sketch-like comedy for the stage, honing my voice and style in front of live audiences (which I'd recommend to every writer), when Dan Povenmire saw one of my shows. I'd known Dan for years and he liked the comedy in my show and offered me a job on a new animated show he just sold to Disney called "Phineas & Ferb." I had no particular inspiration to get into animation, but it was a good job and, from the beginning, Dan made it clear he wanted me to write like me, to just write naturally in my own comedic voice, plus I have a background in commercial art and songwriting - so the show was just a perfect fit, creatively.

What does Scooby Doo mean to you?

Before I began writing on BCSD, Scooby Doo was mostly just a feeling of nostalgia to me. Saturday morning cartoons as a kid, eating Apple Jacks in my pajamas. The character or show didn't mean more to me than, say, the Superfriends or any of the other crudely animated series we'd all stare at as the sugar kicked in. Now, after having created a new Scooby Doo series from scratch, I have more respect for the durability of the core ideas built into the show. There has been almost 50 years of different Scooby Doo series, most of them radically different from one another and, I've discovered, that, basically, whatever iteration of Scooby Doo was on when you were growing up will always be the "real" Scooby Doo to you and/or the "best" Scooby Doo. People have very clear ideas on what Scooby Doo is, which is so odd because the only consistent element in Scooby Doo is change.

Do you have a message to the people who criticize your creation for sharing other styles of other shows?

I just find it so strange. We literally got death threats because we pushed the art in a more cartoony direction. We, apparently, also "ruined" a LOT of childhoods. I think it was a mistake to allow the new (unfinished) designs to leak out a year before the series began airing because people built up this violent, irrational hatred for the show and made assumptions about the show's substance based on some rough drawings. I mostly feel bad for Seth MacFarlane for being accused of creating the new designs endlessly. The characters are just more cartoony, that's all - and it was essential that we pushed them that way because we wanted to have a broad comedic and tonal palette to play with, from broad slapstick to real, touching human moments and a lot of our humor would not have worked with the more realistic looking designs. I never heard anyone say, "Wow, the Simpsons are such attractive looking characters!" - but they had that ability to do surreal, broad comedy and also break your heart. That's what we wanted, as well. My experience has been that the vast majority of people who actually sit down and watch the show and give a few episodes a chance all in love with it and discover that it's actually one of the most conservative Scooby Doo series in terms of the original, classic 1969 series, but we simply fleshed out the rest of the Scooby Gang and gave them dimensional personalities for the first time, turning them into a real comedic ensemble. From what I understand, scientifically, once you give the show a chance and get what we're doing, your childhood becomes instantly "un-ruined," which is a pleasant side-effect.

Do the characters have any little quirks that you've added in that you picked up from real life people?

Well, as I mentioned, Zac and I decided to turn the entire Scooby Gang into an equal comedic ensemble, which, we were surprised to discover, no one had ever done before. There are so many Scooby shows where they just leave out Fred or Velma or Daphne because "people don't care about them," instead of saying, "Well, why don't we MAKE people care about them by actually giving them personalities and points-of-view as characters." They'd, historically, just been "The leader/jock," "The pretty one," "The smart one" - these one-dimensional stereotypes. We started with Fred and our main inspiration for him was young Gene Wilder, particularly in "Young Frankenstein." We sort of plugged Gene Wilder into Fred as an engine and gave him control issues - and he began to come to life. Daphne was the most radical change and we thought of her as a Rapunzel-type character, who had lived a sheltered, oppressive childhood under the thumb of her strict, eccentric mother, who came from old money and had great wealth. Daphne is now free and out in the world finally able to do all the things she was never allowed to do as a kid and the world is a candy store to her. She's also highly creative and eccentric, not caring at all what people think about her. It was important to us that nothing about her character, nothing about how you'd describe her personality or her behavior had ANYTHING to do with her gender. Oddly, people started calling her "stupid," which is just strange and clearly demonstrates they haven't actually watched the show, because Daphne is actually really smart and funny - she's just REALLY eccentric and bold, but she's also the soul of the gang, the most empathic and insightful where it comes to the others' needs and problems (although she does get a kick out of annoying Fred when she thinks he's being too uptight). Grey DeLisle, who does Daphne's voice is actually a LOT like our Daphne in real life - smart, quick-witted, eccentric and creative and she really met Daphne halfway and "got" her perfectly. From what I can tell, Grey is basically one oppressive childhood away from wearing a fake beard for no reason. It's actually much the same with Kate Micucci and Velma. We wanted to give Velma more social anxieties. She grew up around books and her superior intellect isolated her as a child, so she lacks some basic social skills, like not always knowing that the truth isn't always the best way to go in certain circumstances. Kate brought a really beautiful, nuanced neurosis to Velma and a vulnerability that humanized her in ways you can't see on the script page. There was so much more we wanted to do with Velma, but, sadly, we didn't get the opportunity. Warner Brothers was actually very open to the changes we wanted to make to Fred, Daphne and Velma, even though they were pretty radical, but they were, understandably, more conservative when it came to Shaggy and Scooby, who were seen as the most beloved and, therefore, least changeable. That said, we made our case that if Shaggy and Scooby were the comic relief before and we're now elevating the entire gang to a comedic ensemble, we HAVE to, somehow, raise Shaggy and Scooby proportionately or we'll lose them all together, bogged down in stale 1969-era puns and pizza jokes. We noticed that even in 1969, Shaggy and Scooby would defy the laws of physics and do some surreal things, so we decided to push that aspect and give Shaggy and Scooby the more absurd, physical and surreal comedy, breaking the fourth wall and sharpening their wit. Shaggy was always a jokester, but we injected him with a healthy dose of Groucho Marx, which played nicely and freshly because Groucho, as a character, is fearless and Shaggy is terrified of everything, so plugging that sensibility into a coward created a lot of fun, original scenes and moments for Shaggy. Scooby was basically Harpo on all fours. We held him to only four words per line of dialogue because we found it unsettling and strange when he talked too much in other series, like Mystery INC. Four words was a nice restriction because they had to count and we found that the more erudite we made them, the funnier he became. In the end, I think we got the math of the characters pretty right on and my favorite scenes are always the ones with the gang all together bouncing lines off each other like a pinball machine. Everyone's point of view is clear and unique from one another and the cast always brought that perfect sense of old, best friends who tease each other and joke around and get on each others' nerves in a really truthful and relatable way. I really feel like we created the most human, real and funny Scooby Gang yet seen.

What's the behind the scenes look like for you? An average day in the life of being a writer/working on the show?

An average day would be me holed up in my office, pacing around in a small circle holding a wooden pointer stick because I tend to write on my feet, twirling a stick (which became a habit back on "Phineas" when we'd pitch the episodes up on a wall with pointers). I'd often have freelance writers in and we'd break a story together and they'd go off and write a draft and I'd spend the rest of the day (and most nights) writing or rewriting scripts with unholy deadlines with a gun to my head, which is called "writing for television." It's great fun, actually.

Any tips for future writers and the like out there?

Tips for future writers... hmmm. Well, try dating Dan Povenmire's wife's sister. It worked wonders for my career. If, for some absurd reason, THAT fails, then I'd say develop your own style and your own voice as a writer. It's been such a pleasure for me to have been hired on shows with the expectation that I would be "writing like me," which was the case on both "Phineas" and "BCSD" and all the things I've worked on since. As I mentioned, writing for the stage - even small, equity theater - is GREAT for developing your writing and honing your unique voice. There's no money in it, but you learn what works and what doesn't and you learn to trust yourself - to know that if YOU like it, then there's an audience out there who will ALSO like it. Other than that, you know, WRITE.

Do you have a favorite line you've written in the show? Or a best moment?

I think my favorite lines are in season 2, so lemme think about what's aired already.... I loved Grey's read of Daphne doing the Fred puppet in the van, "I have a weird accent now. Bo bo bo." That just crystallized the character for me. I'm also fond of the vending machine sequence because it was something I made up off the top of my head with a lot of very serious-looking WB executives staring at me who had no idea who I was and were wondering what kind of fresh new food-related comedy I would be bringing to Shaggy and Scooby. I got up in the large conference room and just acted out that scene from "Mystery 101" pretty much exactly as you see it in the show. Thankfully, they all laughed and I was allowed to stay in the building another day. Oh, one more - I always loved Daphne's off-handed response to Bradford in "Party Like It's 1889," when he tells her she looks stunning, That Daphne doesn't give a crap about that kind of stuff and dismisses the compliment with a good-natured, "Yeah, that's me: set for stun. Pew! Pew!"

What inspires you to wake up in the morning?

I have a four-year old (at the time of this writing) son, Jones, who is all the inspiration I need to get up in the morning. Also all the noise and jumping I need.

Any moments when you were bummed when something didn't make the cut? Or do you have all of the power?

Yeah, there were/are plenty of times I was bummed by something not making it into the show or getting changed along the way. WB keeps a pretty strict hand in their large, beloved franchise properties like Scooby Doo and Batman, so I'm actually really pleased and grateful they let me get away with as much as they did with the series. That said, I had no real power other than the trust and faith of Zac, the show runner. He hired me to be in charge of the writing and he just let me get on with it. I was never actually a producer on the show, although I did equally create this version of the series with Zac and the whole tone of the show was technically "in my voice" (which made it VERY difficult for freelance writers to come in cold and write an episode), but, alas, I was still ONLy the writer and we all know the old joke about the dumb blonde who tried to break into Hollywood by sleeping with the writer - unless, of course, the writer or the blonde is related to Dan Povenmire's wife, in which case you're golden. For the most part, though, I'm extremely proud and pleased of the work we did on BCSD and I hope people will give it a chance and watch a few episodes to get a real sense of what we've done with these characters and this beloved property. I know they'll fall in love with it and, in fact, it will retroactively IMPROVE their childhoods.

#Be Cool Scooby Doo #Jon Colton Barry #Scooby Doo #professional writer #interview

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its-a-lark-blog · 7 years ago

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The Death of Curiosity

This is largely going to be about why I still read children's stories.

It's soul-crushing to recognise that there's a strange estrangement between what can be done, and then what is done.

And there's a good probability that you won't understand what I'm saying when I say that. A child would, naturally, that's a given. For the vast majority of those who're proudly grown-up, though, I feel there's almost a perverse enjoyment in awareness lost.

Consider: That which CAN be done, and that which IS done.

Children ask "Why?" and adults, in their infinite frustration, rattle out the preprogrammed response of "That's just how it is." which is rather morbid, don't you think? When did your curiosity die? I ask this because I was equally blessed and cursed with never having known this loss. How did yours die? Can you remember the year it happened, the transition between expressing curiosity to smiply accepting that things are the way they are?

And most do this. In fact, you likely do it as well. You'll never ask "Why?" even in a world of infinite possibilities, you'll only respond with "That's the way it's always been." No matter how diverse, varied, vivid, and magical those possibilities are.

Isn't that strange?

I see this in writing all the time. Now, a writer might be able to weave together a fantastic world, full of complexity, of truly endless wonder and infinite possibilities. They'll take such an impossible, beautiful, strange thing and what will they do with this marvellous, impossible creation? They'll set a bunch of humans down in it and task them with killing a dragon.

"Why are the heroes doing this?" "Heroes are good." "Why?" "That's just the way it is."

"How do we know that the dragon did this?" "Dragons are bad." "Why?" "That's just the way it is."

"But couldn't th--" "No, no they couldn't." "Why?" "THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT IS."

I mean, when I look at a painting of four people bursting into a dragon's lair, I don't see what you see because I'm more inclined to ask questions. What my mind concocts is a scene of home invasion, where these are bandits and hoodlums intent to steal someone's belongings and likely murder them in the process out of some insidiously racist intent.

Then we'd have to bring in the constabulary! A detective would arrive on the scene to investigate; Likely a gnome with a number of gadgets as magical as they are technological to seek out the truth of what happened in this poor dragon's home. Outisde, a griffin psychotherapist is quietly, gently consoling the dragon's parents and promising that the criminals will be brought to justice.

They've got their top men on the job, top men! Giant eagles grasping strange contraptions are canvassing the scene; The odd devices they hold in their claws being aetherial trackers, linked to the spiritual imprints left behind by the aforementioned criminal scum. They're attempting to find and follow their 'soul echoes,' in order to get some kind of idea of the direction that these sordid, sociopathic monsters went.

And what you see is a bunch of heroes killing a dragon; Simply because the heroes are good, the dragon is bad, and that's just the way it is. Why? That's just the way it is. That's sad. That's really bloody deepressing. I can't know what that's like.

I mean, I've met people who're like that. I can see the effects of it, after all. If a person shifts some historical events around in order to fashion anachronisms, they think of that as brilliantly creative. Not realising, of course, that the complexity they're utilising is that of a well understood history as opposed to anything they've fashioned. It's really not that clever at all. I was never inspired by alternate histories; Unless they're the alternate history of an already imagined world (those are fun!).

That's where familiarity comes into it, though, hmmm? Familiarity and the love thereof replaces the curiosity of the child. When one's inner-child dies, the curiosity leaves this giant, gaping void behind. Something has to fill it. Nature abhors a void, so what rushes in to fill the gap is what one knows to be 'true' and 'factual.'

Of course, 'factual' is subjective to an erudite mind. A smart scientist knows that there are no facts, only probabilities, and there is no scientific truth, only scientific proof. We can only assume we know something within a degree of probability through our observations of its behaviour, if we repeat an experiment a great multitude of times and the results never change then the probablistic factor of this being how something works within our reality is increased. That factor never reaches 100 per cent, however, as we can never rule out all other variables.

However, many adults whose curiosity has died will truly believe they know, factually, the nature of reality. This is what leads to very unfortunate cases of bad science. I could cite many examples, but I'd rather go with an obvious one that can't be denied. The desire to cure autism comes from the assumption that autism is a disorder, because that's what it is. Even though people with autism strongly disagree and would prefer to not be 'cured.' The scientist in question would still follow a cure out of their belief that autism is a disorder because, yes, 'that's what it is.' Is it? Why? Are you sure? As I've pointed out, there are many with this so-called disored who'd fervantly disagree.

Bad science, you guys. Bad science. I'm bloody old and I've seen more bad science than you could shake a stick at. It's gotten very tiresome, to say the least.

Still, my point is that hte death of curiosity leads to bad science -- and there's a lot of bad science out there. However, the brightest minds we've ever had are those whose inner-child hasn't died, instead of accepting that things are whichever way they assumably are, the mind in question asks why? Why are they this way? Or, more accuratley, why do we believe they're this way?

I've met so many people whose curiosity has died.

This is true in the creative arts as well, as I mentioned. You have these brilliantly fantastic worlds filled with possibility where truly wondrous things CAN happen, but they don't, as the writer is only focused upon what they know -- the familiar -- and they write purely about what IS, rather than what CAN be, because they've lost that spark. Their inner-child has died and they no longer possess the capacity to ask why.

You believe that things are this way in the world, why? You believe that things are this way in a fantasy world, why? Your answers will probably be oppressively depressing to me, but hopefully I'm stirring something within you that's been dead for far too long. A spark of curiosity, the will to ask why. Why did yours die?

Terry Pratchett is a great example of a writer who looked at a fantasy world and asked why. Why? Why this? Why that? Why are they behaving this way? Why are they doing that? Why aren't they taking advantage of these advances in magic/technology? Why aren't they putting to use these social structures they've developed? With all the possibilities, why is this world all about people in small wooden huts worshipping wizards in their towers? How preposterously dull! How morbidly inane! How comically nonsensical!

It shows that there's a lack of dreaming. No questions. No dreams. Simply that things are the way they are.

Bugger that.

There's a reason why PTerry was so irascible. He wasn't the friendly old man that people believed he was. Oh no. He was no smiling Santa. He was irascible, tired, fed up, and angry. He was also kind. As I approach his age, I begin to understand why as I face his challenges being a person who can ask why in a world that never, ever does.

I wouldn't be surprised if PTerry wrote Discworld out of catharsis to simply show everyone else what you could do in a world that did embrace what you CAN do with all of that potential, rather than simply writing a cloyingly familiar story about how it IS. So, so many writers fall into this pit-trap, whether fantasy or sci-fi, opting to present people with what they know instead of having the insurmountable gall needed to ask why.

And the readers, they're not as bad, they're worse! They reinforce this by clucking with offence should a writer even deign to dare to conceive the question. Yesterday it would've lead to a flurry fo angry letters, today it would result in aonther Twitter war. Why is it htis way? For most people, curiosity has died. Curiosity is only for children. Only a child is allowed to ask why.

I guess I'm a child, I suppose. I take pride in that. As much pride in the perverse pride people have in having offed their inner-child. What I can tell you is that it's lovely being able to dream, which is something that a person sans curiosity can never do. In a vividly colourful whirlwind of imaignation I can conceive worlds which aren't likely anything you've ever known or will.

Honestly, I think most people need to do DMT a few times in their lifetime. By law. Just to reawaken their curiosity and wonder.

So many problems today are caused by people being unable to ask why. And our entertainment industry is in a sorry state as it's staffed by people who never ask why fashioning the most drearily drab creations for audiences that anger at the very suggestion of why. Why did you let your curiosity die?

Curiosity isn't just for children, it's for everyone! It's a fact of life! How did this happen that we've been programmatically murdering inner-children to transmogrify our peoples from one of dreamers, philosophers, and imagineers to sleepwalking, drooling zombies who enjoy nothing more than modern day settings filled with zombies (that they can so easily relate to)?

Why? I'm asking why! Isn't that so very offensive of me? Why?

Why did you stop asking why?

This is why, for the most part, I still read tomes aimed at children over adults as they're written by people who can -- blessed be they -- ask why, for an audience which loves to ask why.

I'm currently reading the Farloft Chronicles and I'm finding it far, far more compelling than I ever did Game of Thrones. Is that insulting to you? Why?

Yes, there are adult examples out there that I could turn to but they're so rare that they're the exception that proves the rule. I've read everything by Terry Pratchett, I've recently enjoyed Out There: Chronicles (now that's a game that loves to ask why, it spent two episodes doing just that and I adored it) as well, but these are few and far between. For the most part it's all like Game of Thrones, Lord of the Rings, and other works so drowned in the ichorous juices of verisimilitude I simply can't stand to read them.

Adult fantasy and sci-fi, for the most part, no longer brings me joy. I'd rather watch Voltron. There are more scientific questions asked in Voltron than in any of the dryest sci-fi I've read. And I've read some fairly dry, dusty sci-fi in my time... Unfortunately.

Voltron asks: Aren't windows in space silly? Don't they add lots of extra weight for transparent materials? What purpose do they serve in space where there's so little to see? Wouldn't they just increase the vulnerability and structural weaknesses of a craft in such a potentially hostile environment?

And so the Voltron lions and the Castle of Lions don't have windows. Their ground speeders DO have windows, though, which shows me that someone actually thought to ask why. Whmever did? THANK YOU. I've been asking that question for years.

Seriously. Windows in space. Why?

"That's just the way it i--"

Well, the way it is is insufferably asinine! Bloody stupid!

You have much better tools available to you in sci-fi than windows, use them! You could have a factory on board that produces swarms of femtotech camerabots that surround the ship and provide a 360 degree view of everything around the pilot! If some of thsoe are knocked out? The on-board factory simply produces more. And so the pilot has a complete view of everything around them and can enjoy a holographic display of everything with extra scanning doodads and the ability to zoom in!

In fact, why do pilots still look so human? In the future, we'd have the capacity to modify our bodies. Surely there are forms which are much better suited to space than the human body, so why don't we use these genetic and technological sciences to provide ourselves with better bodies? I'd even go so far as to ask: In the future, where AI is prevalent, why don't we simply dump our brain into a ship body and work with AIs and other brains to run the ship?

Who needs bodies???

Your body could be the ship! You could perceive reality as you've never done before! It would be incredible! No? Why? Honestly, why the hell not???

How irredeemably dull to deny the possibilities! I see it as a crime to not even consider what could be done, it's a cardinal sin to not use your curiosity to question what might be done with such grand tools made available to us. And yet, most don't. It's just jet fighters in space because that's just hoooow it is.

Good grief I'm sick and tired of adults.

Consider the regressive nature of TV 'toons like Teen Titans Go, how they've gone back to the comedy and simplistic animations of the '80s instead of embracing the more complex themes and interesting questions of 'toons from the '90s and early '00s. Why? I think it comes from a point of adults believing that children are just as bereft of curiosity and imagination as they are.

A flawed perception, if you ask me.

I remember some cartoons that were actually brave enough to present children with questions, they're always my favourites.

Extreme Ghostbusters tackled some interesting questions about what life is like for a hispanic person who could never afford proper education, a disabled jock who's been confined to a wheelchair, a lady who's a part of the goth subculture (and the reasosn for it), and a middle-to-upper-class black fellah. It looked at the kinds of issues these people would face and how those issues may even intermingle.

There was one brilliant episode where it turned out that a few of the friends the jock had were accepting of his disability, though they were tremendously racist. This kind of nuance between prejudices hasn't been tackled by contemporary comedic cartoons, which makes me sad.

Those cartoons asked uncomfortable questions about why people are the way they are, so children could also wonder and perhaps make better, more informed choices.

Teen Titans Go supposedly has diverse characters but it never does anything with that beyond using their diversity as a joke. Which is... disappointing, to say the least, but also so very, very typical. That's just the way things are, eh? Sigh.

So moving forward in time doesn't always lead to the kind of progression I'd find desirable, sometimes we encounter regressions when people fall back even hard on 'that's how things are,' or even worse 'that's how things were.' And never ask why.

Adults are tiresome creatures.

I'm not sure how, despite my many years, I never really became one. I've too much imagination to become a sleepwalking zombie who loves shows about sleepwalking zombies, I suppose. And that's going to make me sound like a 'special snowflake.' Funny thing is? I absolutely am. I've had to come to accept that I am, indeed, quite unusual. The thing is, though? This is true of everyone out there who still possesses curiosity.

I find that if one doesn't experience the death of curiosity, then one invariably becomes quite eccentric. Eccentric people are different, and obviously less 'usual' than someone who isn't. And they aren't eccentric because they choose to be, but simply because their curiosity never died.

At this point, I've come to see the 'special snowflake' complaint as one rooted in jealousy of curiosity. It always comes from the mouth of a person who can no longer ask why, who can only accept what they believe are the way things are. They're tremendously hateful of anyone who isn't dead inside like they are.

It's not my fault, though. I don't understand. If your curiosity died and mine didn't, I don't know why. I don't know what to tell you. It's not like I have a choice about being a 'special snowflake,' I'm simply curious and therefore eccentric. That's just who I am. I'm sorry that that bothers you. And believe me, I've met plenty of people whom that bothers. Whenever I've written a review praising genuinely creative works I've come to love I've met these people.

Thing is, though? There's no shame in being a 'special snowflake.'

It's just shorthand for how you aren't dead inside, how you're still able to ask why, and to wonder, and dream. I don't think that's at all a bad thing, myself. Your mileage may vary, I suppose, but I value it, I love it, and I couldn't go on without it. It's as integral to me as breathing.

I could no sooner stop dreaming than breathing.

#farloft #out there chronicles #imagination #curiosity #rant

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littlethoughtsandfeelings · 8 years ago

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The Bachelor Australia 2017 Recap – Episode 3

The girls are CASUALLY (and still standing, I might add. Get some more seating in there, already) gathered around the kitchen, agreeing it’s the group date episode. Simone throws down in her talking head, saying that she doesn’t like Leah (our Villain Number One).

Osher materialises (are we 100% sure at this point he’s not a wizard and this isn’t apparition?) with a date card, and tells the lucky (hmm, would we say lucky?) girl she has 15 minutes to get ready to add some URGENCY for NO REASON.

The clue reads: “I am really drawn to your creative side.” A rivalry is set up in two seconds between the painter (sorry, there’s a painter there?) or Laura, the jewellery designer. Laura the jewellery designer wins. (Side note for the producers: you can’t expect us to care about a rivalry if you spend LITERALLY TWO SECONDS establishing it. It is pointless, easy fodder for the episode, and don’t think we don’t see that.)

Matty’s talking head says he’s had his eye on Laura since the red carpet, and we get a de-saturated flashback to remind us who she is (thank you for this. This is actually quite helpful).

Matty J comes to pick her up in a very small (she notes that it’s very small) boat. Laura’s wearing some kind of maxi skirt thing, and I’m just reminded that she’s had fifteen minutes to get ready. I have so many questions about this. What if she hadn’t shaved? What if her fake tan was uneven? What if her bikini was in the wash?

They talk for twenty minutes about BOATS. LITERALLY I COUNTED AT LEAST SEVEN TIMES. If I were drinking, I would already be hospitalised for alcohol poisoning by now. So… let me get this straight. They’re taking a small boat to a… bigger boat? And this is exciting?

On the BOAT, Laura’s nervous-talking. After the self-described word vomit, they have the obligatory “how many people have you loved?” conversation. I’m not really sure what this is supposed to achieve, other than confirming that they are not, in fact, children.

Back at the mansion, a new date card arrives (do these apparate too? Osher, tell us your secrets!).

The clue reads: “A step back in time.” Ah, that’s right, it’s the Medieval Episode (side note: Didn’t they all eat haggis or blood pudding or something last year?). Some ladies are on it, basically all of them, so we’ll just talk about the important ones when (if) they make themselves known.

Leah (Villain Number One) wants to be on the date. Wow. So content. Much interesting. Simone (her two episode long arch-enemy) gets the last place. Leah says that she hopes it’s competitive then. Jennifer, our Villain Number Two, says she didn’t want both of them to be on the date, at the “expense of [her] own safety”. What the fuck does she think is going to happen? Are the girls all given guns when they enter the mansion or something? I mean, I know they get vicious, but they’re not going to murder someone on national television, are they? (I mean hey, at this point, it would add some interest to this season. I’m dying of boredom so far).

Apparently Matty’s learnt from my criticism of last episode’s date, and this date with Laura doesn’t consist of just a boat ride, or even two boat rides. This time, he’s introduced… drawing. Of each other. Alright, I’ll bite.

The stumble upon two conveniently placed easels by the shore, and it’s revealed that Laura has experience of live drawing, as she is a strong independent woman with a Fine Arts degree.

But, there’s a twist! Matty J has added a TIME LIMIT, because if the new media world of YouTube, etc. has taught us anything, it’s that CHALLENGES ARE FUN. He boasts about winning a drawing competition as a kid, and it’s actually nice to know that Matty hasn’t lost his personality this season, unlike other Bachelorette-contestants-turn-Bachelors *cough Richie cough*.

Matty jokes about drawing her lovingly, and this is set up very nicely for what we know will be a horrible picture.

Matty says, “The more I look at her, the more I realise that she’s completely and utterly beautiful.” Ummm… is this a compliment? It’s like, “I wasn’t sure at first, but the more I looked at her, the prettier she got.” It’s like when you’re buying a dress, and you’re like hmmm probably not my style, but then you can’t get it out of your head and go back to buy it anyway, and then it sits in your wardrobe forever, never being worn. What were we talking about?

So Laura reveals her drawing and it’s… um… interesting. Granted, it’s probably better than I could do, and no one said her major was in drawing…

Matty reveals his drawing and it’s… I’m sorry, Matty. It’s hideous. They even have the big strings in the score underneath and it literally looks like a drawing by a serial killer.

They joke for a bit.

Matty: What tripped me up most was…

Laura: The face?

Matty: The face.

They go to a SEXYTIME COUCH and have wine, because what is The Bachelor without a healthy dose of alcoholism?

Laura seems presently surprised that she likes Matty J (when do they get a chance to be like, “Nah, P.S. mate, I’m not feeling it”?) She’s biting her tongue, not metaphorically, literally, like between her teeth. Do guys think this is cute? This isn’t cute.

HOLD THE PHONE. ARE THEY GOING TO KISS? SHE’S SPEECHLESS. HE LIKES HER. SHE LIKES HIM. JUST MAKE OUT ALREADY.

THEY’RE KISSINGGGGGGGGGGG AND THEY LOVE EACH OTHER. THEY’RE GOING TO GET MARRIED AND HAVE BABIES. HE CUPPED HER FACE. THERE’S A SUN FLARE. THEY’RE PANNING. THEY LOVE EACH OTHER. IT’S A LONG KISS. THEY’VE SEPARATED. OH NO, HE’S GOING BACK FOR SECONDS. AHHHHHHHH.

He’s all shy and coy in the interview afterwards. He says he wanted to kiss Laura from the very first moment he saw her today. Look, she wasn’t one of my main picks, but, like with Matty J, she’s growing on me. He offers her a rose and she accepts. THEY MUSH AGAIN! (See last year’s recaps for explanations of this very scientific term.)

Right so after the ad break, we’re on the medieval date. (What, no Laura going back to the mansion with a rose and being interrogated? But that was such interesting television.)

Apparently, Matty spent five years in London (like every Australian under 30), and wanted to recreate the 1500s. Because this makes sense.

Osher says that Henry VIII had six wives, Matty squeezes in some chauvinism by saying, “My man!”, and therefore only six ladies (out of the twelve on the date) will have seats at the banquet with Matty. There’s also a rose ceremony later that night, which is apparently a bombshell dropped.

They put on costumes, and Matty is wearing pantaloons, which I am HERE FOR.

Osher explains they will be doing typical activities of the time, so the girls get to look after the small animals around the farm. I guess it’s better than NOT exercising their right to vote, or NOT being institutionalised for having their period.

The first mini competition is catching pigs. Yep. You read that right. Matty nominates helium balloon Cobie, ribbon dancer Akoulina, badass Simone, and Villain Number One, Leah, for this task (does he really know all their names? Or does Osher just whisper them to Matty out the side of his mouth?).

Osher warns them all NOT TO HURT THE PIGS. I REPEAT, DO NOT HURT THE PIGS.

Osher also says to not traumatise the piglets. Judging by the squealing, they are being traumatised every second of this horrendous experience.

Animal rights activism aside, Leah leads the charge, because apparently she’s a “country girl”. Cobie (who I swear wasn’t there two seconds ago) also gets a pig. Leah’s the first one through, and probably catches swine flu by kissing the piglets (jk I have no idea how it’s transmitted. In case you’re unaware, I am not a doctor).

Leah and Cobie are through to the banquet; Akoulina and Simone are out. Leah makes a generic villainous comment about decapitating them, so that’s fun.

Lisa (one of my early picks) says she wants to win the next challenge to get the banquet with Matty. Breaking: Bachelor contestant wants to win Bachelor’s heart!

Anyway, the next challenge is a sack race, with Michelle, Lisa, and some other people. Matty breaks down the sack race for us, in terms of agility, stamina, and hand-eye coordination, in what is probably a television first. Then there’s also a ring toss, halfway through the sack race. I’m pretty sure this is an exact historical representation. Belinda (who? Ah, the “love coach”) and Lisa get through.

The next game is that ancient game of soccer, with Elora, etc. They’re shoving each other, and they’re ruthless. I hate sports at the best of times, but if I was in this situation, I would politely curtsey right the f out of there.

Some more people get through, and they leave for the banquet.

At the banquet, Matty wants some goss about the dynamics in the house. Villain Number One says that it’s a bit shakey, and that maybe it’s the mother instinct in her, but she takes the feelings of others to heart. You may have thought I’d embellished that, but no. That was all her.

The other girls at the banquet are predictably unhappy about this, and wanting to get the heck out of there, Matty asks Alix (the body painter one) for some one-on-one time.

She decides to use this precious alone time with Matty to… ask about his family. ALIX DO YOUR RESEARCH, BABE. Interestingly though, Matty reveals he’s the middle child of five. Did we know this before? If not, that. explains. everything.

Leah is bored at the banquet because none of her evil-squad is there (side note: “Evil Squad” could be a good name for an all-girl metal rock band. Or a group of spiders. You know, either or).

Leah eggs on Elise (who? Oh, another montage girl) to interrupt Matty’s time with Alix. Yes, it is definitely her decision and not chosen by the producers.

Elise says, “Are you guys finished or do you want a bit more time?” And Alix replies, “No, you can jump in, babe”. See, this is how you do it. Friendship! Happiness! Respect!

But then two seconds later Leah gets the shits and goes to interrupt. THIS IS DEFINITELY ALL HER IDEA. She describes herself as a “strawberry shortcake”, which I CAN actually buy as her idea.

Elise returns to the banquet with her tail between her legs, and the girls at the table are all upset for her. Lisa thinks Leah likes the attention. Um, you reckon?

Leah talks about her mum, and turns on the waterworks. She actually says, “I care too much, it’s just who I am” and I’m pretty sure I vomited in my mouth.

Matty offers a hug and she takes it. He says, “I’m glad you’re here for the right reasons” to which Leah replies, “I think so.” At this point, do they just want to turn to camera and wink?

See, here’s the problem with this. They’re trying to recreate someone as iconic as Laurina. But the thing with Laurina, is that I’m utterly convinced she didn’t need any encouragement from the producers. “Dirty street pie” was all natural. It’s different when they have someone who says in a robotic voice (almost as if reading from a script), “Now I shall be mean”, and then goes and does something mean. I feel like they think it’s going to get them more ratings, or that people will be bored without this contrived bullshit, but I’m not buying that. No one actually thinks this is real, right? So, producers: Stop trying to make Laurina happen! It’s not going to happen.

Anyway, back to the banquet, Matty reveals that he actually has a rose to give out tonight. His talking head explains that he’s seen a glimpse of a softer, more gentle side to this person, and that’s what he’s looking for in a partner. And then…

Alix gets the rose! FUCK YEAH! GOOD JOB PRODUCERS! This is a perfect example of playing with audience expectations, and another example of Matty not taking any of their shit this year. Producers, how can I hate you and love you at the same time?

Rose Ceremony time!

They’re all still in their costumes, because the show wants to get as much use as possible out of their (presumably exorbitant) costume rental fee.

Osher reveals that only one (one? Really, Osh, there’s still a lot of dead weight here) lady will be going home.

It’s down to Simone, the absolute best, and ribbon dancer Akoulina.

Simone gets chosen (FUCK YEAH!) and even gets a cuddle from her bestie, Elora.

Farewell, Akoulina. May you continue to dance forever.

Next Episode: THERE’S A LIFE-SIZE BOARD GAME OF MATTY. F YES I AM INTO THIS SO MUCH. HE LOVES GAMES. I LOVE GAMES. WHERE IS COBIE?

#tv #tv review #recap #tvrecap #thebachelorau #thebachelor

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thoughtsandsensibilities · 8 years ago

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Buckle up, bitches.

Themes I plan to cover over the next couple of years, of course in addition to my regular cynical observatory posts. This is solely a quick overview of topics floating around in my head at the moment that may do a bit more good on paper. It is in no way a prescriptive list and is liable to change whenever the fuck i feel like it; interests and world outlooks may shift and suddenly I may wake up a pussy and write about increasing corporation taxes to fund welfare...pfft. Don’t worry if nothing interests you yet, as I read more and form more bullshit opinions, the list will grow. Stay tuned! (they are in no sensical order, suck it up)

hard power on the international political stage

corruption and conspiracy (within governments but a focus on supragovernmental dependencies)

religion: its formation and subsequent redundancy. why was it created? the arrogance of man? the need for an explanation? fear of the unknown, of death? to account for a sense of powerlessness?

the concept of god as well as theories on the creation of the universe

the concept of a soul, and the propect of an afterlife. Why was religion made up? (dont bs me about being anti-religious, cos they are all shots in the dark trying to placate the arrogance of man and give meaning).

the moral aspect of feeding gullible, ignorant people a string of lies about a false god (even if you have a religion the idea that millions if not billions around the world are being taught ‘blasphemy’ should piss you off, and you know you are right) vs the benefits that faith has in some peoples lives

climate change (from an environmental and economic perspective)

climate change (political perspective: disparity of impacts, lack of sufficient motivation and consequences of public goods in general),

development of societies throughout history: their cause and philosophy - what characterised success in ancient civilisation

economic and political dependency in a post-colonial world: reference to world systems theory

the occupied and downtrodden India, negative shit that remains and how it will transform

institutions in society eg marriage/family, government, the economy, education, and religion: their role and creation

terrorism in the modern world and how it can be explained by a constructivist understanding

my issue with the USA: how the world would be better off without it

US foreign policy: a monkey with rabies could do a better job

dictators through history

Cambodian genocide, the Holocaust and cases of ethnic cleansing due to a superiority complex

Rwandan and Somalian genocides - how did we fuck up so badly?

top 5 champions and cunts through history: who did the most long term good/damage to human development + what was it about them that made them so great (yes, the evil ones were great)

top 5 champions and cunts over the last 100yrs (non-dictators): how we are still cleaning up their pile of shit + what was it about them that made them so influential (have more personality info on recent individuals)

humanitarian intervention: necessary, evil or necessary evil. RoP??

China: from copper to gold then to lead... what happened here yo? (pre-1850)

China in the last century: phoenix from the ashes of famine and turmoil... what happened here yo? (post-1850)

Focus on social and economic reforms in China: Mau and the swinging 60s in China (the peak of my wit folks, if you got it then played, if not then thank fuck i am here and wait for the post you dumbass)... what happened here yo?

concepts of self and metaphysics: yes we are going to go there...

the development trap: economic stagnation causes and cures

what the fuck is happening in the middle east and why is it so?

cold war: what was going on behind the scenes? teleconnections?

residual effects of the cold war - what kind of power dynamic did it leave in its wake

analysis of global governance - polarity of power

globalisation: everything about it - I see it as the dominant force shaping the c.20th

behavioural science - the role of parenting and experiences vs the role of the genotype

free market economy ideas - why they came about, a bit on their application in a modern macroeconomic context and a contrast to Keynesian and neoliberal schools of thought

the issue with aid - reincarnation of western imperialism

the hegemony of western powers

issues with corruption in the WB, IMF, WTO, UN, OECD + national foreign aid packets (remember 90s Malaysia Dam)

the new world order: my take on the hypothesised world government, reasons for existing

control of financial markets by NWO since 500AD

control of wars and central banking by NWO

are you sure about the NWO and why if they didnt exist at some point, the need to establish such an organisation would negate any doubt.

the analysis of and comparison between economic reforms in Central and South America and the corresponding economic impacts

MI6, CIA, Mossad, KGB... hmmm somethings fishy here boss

putin, putin, putin, putin, putin. the man, the myth, the legend. his story and the story of russian oil.

the oil market since 2012, russian economic collapse as wel as OPEC struggles

medicine through time - Hypocrates, Galen, Vesuvius, Pasteur, Koch... etc.

Nazi Germany: how?!?! again specific analysis of hitler’s character

the concept of communication and globalisation when applied to ancient civilisations

sport in today's commercialised world - it has lost all its appeal for me.

British government - the horrible history! would be interesting to engage with the culture of laissez-faire in a conservative government

look at the formation of the first health service in 1948, what led to that point. universal suffrage? growth of moral responsibility? pussies.

how dumb and undemocratic American politics is - you will be shocked (gerrymandering, vote exclusion, state voting, Russian involvement). get your fat ass down from high horse you fuckup of a country. remember you are only where you are cos you were a pussy in both wars, not standing up to tyranny and then basically shorting the world economy. you were nothing until a huge influx of investment built up your tertiary and quarternary sectors... just saying.

why the fat people of America voted the cunt Trump into the Oval: right place right time? blame isis? blame terrorism? blame fear? blame bigotry?

the future of consumer tech as i see it

my opinion of Europe and the Euro - dead af.

the French revolution of 1789: why do i think it is important in the context of world history

the aftermaths and culture shocks of post-war periods

Margaret Thatcher and her glorious work moving Britain out of the evil clutches of socialism: why she was right and lefties are soft dummies

colonialism through the c.18th and c.19th

cost cutting in the public sector... just give me 25yrs and i will have costs down 50%. 5 election cycles... oh well - the issue of government inefficiency and political inertia

why an authoritarian regime may be necessary in the developmental stages of a country

terms of trade fucking the little guys: global bully tactics...

why care about animals, or the environment... can we not just adjust and figure out a solution if and when shit hits the fan?

the art of persuasion and likeability

advertising - are you selling a product or a brand? a feeling or a culture?

the law - origins? are there big disparities between countries? simple moral code

tax law? overcomplicated, how tax gets avoided

criminality across the world, who controls drugs trade

accusations of hard drug trade being facilitated by MI6 for political and monetary control - up to 60% of cocaine and opium coming into the UK during c.20th was assisted by individuals within the government through MI6. CIA and cocaine during second half of centrury.

cannabis culture and historical legal status

cannabis medical uses... you will be surprised

cannabis legalisation... 420420420420420 - why it is the way the world is moving? why the drug was illegal in the first place when it is a softer substitute to alcohol and why it has remained so? subtextual racism, corrupt political parties, big pharma lobbying, UK is governed by old money with backwards, conservative ideas.

intelligence - what causes it and can you practise to become smarter?investigation into the theory that length and number of neurones dictating intelligence

the power of the mind: the sectors of the brain, ‘mind over matter’

natural aptitude: be that physical or mental - why are you good at certain things and not others?

theory of evolution... my thoughts on the theory and its disappointing reception within the scientific community

the solar system - stars and their formation

big bang theory, string theory, n theory, relativity and special relativity

the concept of infinity and its application

the theory of multiple dimensions running on adjacent temporal pathways

ancient romans and greeks - their forms government (king, democracy, republic, empire)

the agriculturalisation of society - ancient egypt, ancient mayans - benefits but also costs

the agricultural and industrial revolutions in Britain and Europe.

the british empire at its peak

why cunt USA became dominant superpower - political hegemony

why cunt USA became economic giant after WWII

why the US is the cause of a majority of issues facing the world today

the dark ages and the black death

early transcontinental trade - silk road

ottoman empire - these guys are underrated in terms of academic and cultural interest, no longer!

moguls and Ghengis Khan - probably one of the scariest and most fearsome dudes to ever walk this earth. a born fighter. prompted the construction of the GW. kinda my hero.

the physical formation of the earth - Pangea, astroid? Yellowstone, oh shit! a few wacky theories including magnetism, the moon, Jupiter's moons

extraterrestrial life. we know it is there. no way for it not to be.

eastern religions - polytheist, emphasis on connection with supernatural, more spiritual

what made a religion popular around its inception

how does religion maintain following? what is it about feeling part of something bigger than yourself, something intangible yet set firmly in reality...

qu’ran - the most violent of all scripture or just repeated misinterpretation? it is an interesting line of enquiry, and this accumulated knowledge squashed a surprising amount of misinformed opinions i have encountered over the past few years; of particular relevance now.

the UN millennium development goals failure + general lack of altrustic tendencies as a society - why are we such dicks to our fellow human beings and strategies to reduce the level of dickishness.

#plan #buckle up

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