#I was like 6 spending the night at my cousins house

[tixij]

I FINALLY FOUND THE STUPID VHS THAT SCARED ME AS A KID 

[sage-nebula]

Thinking about how important it is that Wendy is a part of the Pines family. (Because she is, as much as Soos is. It's why she's in the family photos, such as the one representing Ford's happiness at the end of The Book of Bill.)

We don't know too much about Wendy's home / family life. Unfortunately, we don't a single Wendy-focused episode, and we don't get to learn too much about her outside of how she interacts with the main characters. But here is what we do know:

Wendy is the oldest of four siblings, with three little brothers. Wendy herself is 15. We are never given ages for her brothers, but given the photo that she shows Dipper of her younger self in "Double Dipper", I'm guesstimating that the youngest Corduroy brother (Gus) is about 6 in the present day. This is because young!Wendy was wearing braces and also noted to be "freakishly tall" for her age, and Gus was wearing a diaper in the photo (but standing on his own). Braces can take two to three years to be removed, and Wendy doesn't have them in the present day, meaning she was probably around 11 or 12 in the photo. Meanwhile, Gus was in a diaper but able to stand, meaning he was probably a toddler, likely around 2. So in the present day, Wendy is 15, Gus is around 6 (depending on if Wendy was 11 or 12 in the photo), and Marcus and Kevin (the middle brothers) are between 14 and 7.

Wendy's mother died when she was young. Given the age of Gus in the photo, we can estimate that Wendy's mother died when Wendy was, at youngest, 11 or 12 -- so, three or four years pre-canon. (Because any earlier than that and Gus couldn't have been born.)

Wendy's father is Manly Dan, who shouts just about every line of dialogue he has and routinely breaks things, including in his own house, albeit sometimes by accident. He also spends most of his time in a biker bar, though we do know that he does love his children. (e.g. is seen with the boys on both family fishing day and Summerween, is seen taking Wendy out for breakfast in "Dipper vs. Manliness").

Dan is the reason why Wendy has a summer job. As she says in "Gideon Rises", "If I can't work at the Shack, my dad's gonna force me to work at my cousin's logging camp up north." This implies that Wendy has to work somewhere, per a rule of Dan's.

In "Into the Bunker", Wendy has this to say when she comments on how she's excited to be going on an adventure with Dipper and Mabel: "It beats cleaning up after my dad at home." She says this with a frown, in a grousing tone. We're then treated to a clip of Dan breaking apart the cabin as mentioned above.

In "Society of the Blind Eye", before she's about to have her memories erased, Wendy confesses thus: "I'm stressed like 24/7. Have you MET my family?"

Wendy dreams about her mother every night. The glimpse of her dream that we're shown depicts her receiving a comforting hug from her mother.

The conclusions that I draw from the above are thus: prior to her mother's death, Wendy had what amounts to a normal family life in Gravity Falls. The Corduroys were a two parent household, her mother was there to help balance Dan out and raise the kids (Wendy included), and Wendy could, well . . . be a kid. It's possible, even, that some of Dan's more worrying traits (such as spending the majority of his time at a bar) didn't exist when Wendy's mom is alive. It's pure speculation on my part, but it's possible that Dan feels compelled to go to a bar to be aggressive (and drink, even if we don't see it because it's a kid's show) because that's how he processes his grief over his wife's death, away from his children's eyes and ears. He's trying to be a responsible father and not hurt his kids, while at the same time still not handling things in the most healthy way.

But back to Wendy. Once Wendy's mother died, the dynamic in the Corduroy household shifted. Dan was hit by the tidal wave of grief that comes with losing a spouse, as well as the sudden onslaught of being a single father to four children, one of whom was very possibly still in diapers. And if my speculation is correct and that he took to going to the bar to deal with his grief, then who is left to change Gus' diapers and get him potty trained? To operate the stove or oven or microwave to make sure that the boys (who would all be under age 10 at this point) got fed, and to make sure she got fed herself? To, in her own words, "clean up [her] dad's messes" when he was at home to make them by breaking apart the house with his own head?

Wendy.

Wendy was a child herself when her mother died, but she was the oldest child, potentially freshly into middle school while the boys were still in elementary, and the oldest daughter to boot. The girl, expected to know how to do "girl things" like cook and clean. I'm not saying that Dan told her to do these things, but we know from Wendy's personality that she is protective of those who need it (e.g. Dipper and Mabel) and, more importantly, that's her home and her family, and she does love them (she makes this clear in the Weirdmageddon episodes numerous times). She wouldn't let her little brothers starve, wouldn't let her youngest sit in a filthy diaper, would try to pick up the house if her dad and brothers wouldn't. Wendy would step up to do it out of necessity, even if she hated it and felt stressed out about it, especially while also feeling the crushing grief that comes with having lost her mother.

So Wendy, having lost her mother at a young age, probably had to step up into a pseudo-parental role in her own house, trying her best to fill the void that was left by her mother's passing even though she was only a child herself. And this is why she's "stressed, like, 24/7." Because not only are her father and brothers loud and chaotic (especially with Dan raising the boys into miniature versions of him), but because it's her responsibility (spoken or no) to keep the house in as much order as she can. It's little wonder that, outside of the movie that she and Dipper are watching in the beginning of "Into the Bunker", Wendy seems to spend as little time as possible in her own home.

So, how does this fit into it being important for Wendy to be part of the Pines family? Or, worded in a better way, why it's so important that she has the Pines as a second family, and the Mystery Shack as a second home?

As I said above, once Wendy's mother died, her ability to be a child in her own home effectively ended. Again, to make it clear, Wendy doesn't hate her family. In fact, it's the opposite; the Weirdmageddon episodes make it clear that she still loves her father and her brothers very much. But "Society of the Blind Eye" also makes it clear that they stress her out. She has a lot of complicated feelings, something that's understandable given her complicated situation.

But because she has to help keep the house together when she's at home, that means she can only really be a kid (or teenager, as the case may be) when she's outside of it. She has a lot of fun doing this with her friends, but sometimes a teen does need a home to relax in. And for Wendy, that home is the Mystery Shack -- and yes, that includes when she's on the clock.

Now, I know what you may be thinking: it's stated that Stan is a terrible boss, that he barks orders, that he yells -- how is that any different from her father? Well, I'll tell you how: the only time we actually see this is in "Boss Mabel", in which Stan being a boss who yells and barks orders at his employees is a plot point meant to create the conflict for the episode. Otherwise, we never really see Stan being an awful boss, and in particular we never see him being hard on Wendy. In fact, I would argue we see the opposite.

Here are things we know about Wendy's behavior at work, and Stan's response to her behavior at work:

Wendy constantly reads magazines while working the cash register, often right in front of Stan. Stan never tells her to put the magazine away.

Wendy often puts her feet up on the counter. Stan never tells her to take her feet off the counter.

Wendy goes up to the roof "all the time, every day" to the point where she has a chair and cooler up there. ("The Inconveniencing"). We don't know if Stan knows about this or not, but it's hard to believe he wouldn't if Wendy goes up there as much as she says she does.

When Stan told her to hang signs up out in the woods, she said, "I would, but I can't . . . reach . . ." while making no effort to get up to get the sign, and not removing her eyes from the magazine or her feet from the counter. Stan simply said, "I'd fire [. . .] you if I could." i.e. she got away with it 100%. ("Tourist Trapped")

When Stan double checks with Wendy and Soos that they'll wash the bathrooms while he's gone, Wendy says, "absolutely not" with a salute. Stan laughs and then says to stay out of trouble, not caring at all. ("The Inconveniencing")

Wendy was supposed to work the ticket stand all night at the party. She quit about ten minutes in and blatantly joined the party. Stan had to have seen her. He did nothing. ("Double Dipper")

Wendy claims in "Boss Mabel" that Stan doesn't let her have friends at work. In contrast, we see Robbie visit her at work all the time throughout their relationship (e.g. "Fight Fighters", "Boyz Crazy"), and Stan even comments on "is that the guy that's always making googly eyes at Wendy?" but otherwise has no problem with it. So again, it was a conflict invented for "Boss Mabel" that otherwise doesn't exist.

And that is just off the top of my head. The point is, Wendy is perhaps treated the easiest of the staff at the Mystery Shack. She's blatantly lazy and snarky and the most Stan ever does is grouse that he would "fire [her] if he could."

And this is a good thing.

The Mystery Shack, even if when she's on the clock, is clearly a place where Wendy can relax. It's somewhere she feels comfortable, rather than stressed. Yes, she's working -- but she's putting in the barest minimum effort because the stakes are the lowest they could possibly be. Because even though Stan grouses and complains about how little she cares, he won't fire her. He says he can't, but let's be honest, he could. One could argue that he'd be out a cashier, but he already is when the school year starts and Wendy has to go back to school. The Shack doesn't close down then, so it wouldn't close now if he fired Wendy.

But he won't fire her, because he knows that if he did, she'd be sent up north to her cousin's logging camp, a job she would hate and that would add on to the stress she already has from her home life. Stan has been in Gravity Falls for 30 years; he's been there since before Wendy was born. He knew her mother. He remembers when her mother died a few years ago. He probably saw how Dan's personality changed, how Wendy's personality changed from a more carefree little girl to a little girl who had to act more carefree than she actually was because she won't ever dare let anyone know she's anything but tough as nails, kinda like the guy he sees when he looks in the mirror. So he'll grouse at her about her laziness, and she'll complain about how much she hates having to work, but he'll also never hire another cashier even during the school year when the Shack maybe could use the extra help, and she knows that he both has an orthopedic back pillow and where it's kept, and that's as much as either of them will say about it. (Source for the orthopedic back pillow: "Soos and the Real Girl").

Wendy spends time at the Shack that would otherwise be spent at her home. When she decides to leave Tambry's party early, she goes to hang out at the Shack and watch movies with Stan, before the twins or Soos arrive ("Summerween"). She's likewise hanging out with the Pines and Soos watching television despite work clearly being over in the beginning of "Dreamscaperers". Wendy can relax at the Shack, can be in a home environment where she has no responsibilities, where she can simply be a teenager without also having to be a pseudo-parent. She can be a big sister figure to Dipper and Mabel without the added responsibilities of having to make sure they're fed and brought up right. She can be snarky with Stan, and he'll be snarky back, and there are no risks or consequences at all.

It's important that Wendy is a member of the Pines family, because here there are no complications for her. She loves her original family, but things got difficult when her mother died, and they won't ever stop being difficult. But things aren't difficult with the Pines. In a way, being with the Pines is as comfortable as the hugs she gets from her mother in her dreams every night. Being with the Pines feels right. It feels safe.

It's good that Wendy has them. It's important that Wendy has them. And fortunately, she always will.

[blackpearlblast]

ezzideen's recounting of eid during the genocide, translated and put together by boshra. all sides have alt text and full transcript under the cut.

link to ezzideen's facebook page / donate to ezzideen's campaign

slide 1: A picture of a lit candle in the darkness.

Title: Story of Eid Through the Eyes of Ezzideen Translated from Ezzideen's Facebook page

slide 2: For ten consecutive years, the arrival of Eid brought a lump to my throat, a lump with many meanings for me (exile from my country, being away from my mother, my beloved, and my family and relatives, in a country where no one else knew of Eid's arrival but me). Before coming here, I thought long and hard about what I should do during the Eid days. I imagined thousands of scenarios: How would Eid pass?

slide 3: Which house would we visit first? Should I give out Eidi (gifts to children, like my uncle's grandchildren and my cousin Abu Bilal's children)? Would the first house we visit be my grandmother's? How would my mother react when I give her the Eidi? What would be our first breakfast? Should I go to the Eid prayer in jeans or in traditional clothes? Where would I and the young men of the family spend Eid night? And many, many more details, from where we would spend the first night of Eid to what kind of nuts we would buy for the guests.

slide 4: And today, on Eid day, here I am writing this text without needing to know answers to any questions, because Eid has passed like this: My big uncle's house was destroyed (no need to visit it), my uncle's grandchildren and my cousin's children have died (there is no one to give Eidi to), my grandmother also has died (no reason to visit her house, as it suffers in silence as we do), there is nothing in the markets fitting for the luxury of an Eid breakfast (and if found, no one in the country can afford it),

slide 5: Abboud, Bilal, Ahmed, Mohammed, and Yusuf were killed (the adornment of our family's youth) so there is no need to think about where to spend the first night of Eid, no need to choose what I wear for the Eid prayer (as no prayers are held and no mosques are in this country), and my mother? My beloved, I am ashamed to even mention to you that it is Eid! As for the rituals of Eid, there is no ritual but to cry in imposed silence, for even God wept silently for the martyrs this morning as the rain fell.

slide 6: Screenshot of a post from Ezzideen's Facebook page.

Caption: Main post from Ezzideen's Facebook page. Link in bio.

[eomayas]

new thing (pt. 6) • pcy

pairing: chanyeol x f!reader, age gap, established relationship

synopsis: your break with chanyeol lasts longer than expected and you try to make something work.

genre: heavy angst, smut 18+ MINORS DNI!!! bit of fluff

warnings: SMUT 18+ MINORS DNI!!! lots of angst and unspoken feelings, swearing, pwp (kinda) p in v, mentions of alcohol and drinking and being drunk

a/n: bruh yall inspired me to writeeee so here you go! i love reading all of your messages omg they’re so funny and sweet! i hope you like this 🩷 thanks for all of the support

series masterlist

a ‘little while’ turns into 2 weeks. the school year begins within those 14 days, and you throw yourself into your courses, occupying your time with 1 credit classes so you don’t have time to think about anything other than graduating and your education. when you do have a moment to yourself and to think, you force yourself to think of everything but chanyeol. it’s hard, since nearly everything reminds you of him. you’ve thought about texting him but resisted, chickening out at the last second.

it’s a friday night and you have no set plans. seulgi is going out with her boyfriend, so you have the house to yourself and a movie queued up on your laptop. ideally, you’d have someone to spend this quiet friday night in with, but alas. you’ve been single before; you’ll survive a movie night alone.

looking through your cabinets, you sigh at the lack of snack options, and things you want to eat. it’s been awhile since you’ve been shopping, having gotten used to being around somebody who constantly cooked for you, or took you out to eat. it’s the little things about not being with chanyeol that you feel like you took for granted. in this case, it’s grocery shopping.

grabbing your keys and purse, you throw on a sweatshirt before heading out of your apartment and down to your car. you hop in and make the short drive down to the corner store.

a quick glance around the parking lot would’ve told you to stay in your car, but it slips your mind as you’re here for a snack run, not expecting to be here long.

you beeline for the chip aisle, grabbing a bag of chips for yourself and another bag for seulgi. you stay there for a second, scanning a few other options before feeling satisfied and going to the coolers. there, you grab an iced tea and a water before getting ready to close the door, but a voice makes you freeze and stiffen, the door stuck mid-swing in your palm.

“bro, stop fucking around,” you know that voice better than you know your own. you’ve dreamt about it constantly, wishing for it to call on you, to say sweet things to you, like it used to. but now, it’s not yours to even want in that way.

slamming the cooler door, you quickly spin on your heel, racing down the aisle, not paying attention to where you’re going, but knowing that you need to get out. but you slam into a hard body, nearly knocking you backwards. “holy shit!” the man says, quickly turning around and reaching out an arm to steady you. “are you okay?” he asks.

footsteps round the corner, curses flowing from the mouth that belongs to the one you want more than anything, more than these snacks in your arms. “what the fuck did you do now? sorry for my cousin, he’s an id-“ his voice cuts off when he gets closer, stopping a few feet behind jongin. you raise your head, your eyes zeroing in on chanyeol.

“it was my fault,” you mean to say it to jongin, to apologize for not paying attention, but you can’t rip your eyes away from chanyeol. but now you’re apologizing to, technically the wrong person, but they both deserve two different types of apologies. “i wasn’t thinking.” you say, wondering if he can read between the lines and take it as an apology for the end of your relationship.

“he’s an idiot,” chanyeol says, making jongin scoff. there’s that glimmer in his eyes, the one that doesn’t fail to make you smile every time, but now you hold it back. you almost forget jongins there, until he mutters that he’s going to leave you and chanyeol alone.

there’s an awkward silence before chanyeol takes a single step closer to you. “hey,” he says, offering you a small smile. your heart hammers wildly in your chest, feeling like it’s going to crack through your bones and beat right out of your chest. “how’ve you been?” he asks, his voice softer than usual.

“fine. and you?” it’s like making small talk with somebody in an elevator; it’s terrible. you want to scream and run out of here, but you’re rooted to the floor and don’t trust your legs. you wonder if he can see your trembling hands, or if the snacks in them are doing enough to obscure their shaking.

“i’m good!” he says, and he sounds like he means it. it breaks your heart again, because there’s been countless nights where you’ve lain awake with thoughts of him running through your mind. you’re not even to being ‘good’, barely surpassing being ‘fine’.

you mumble a ‘that’s good’, and he says he’s going to go find jongin. “it was nice seeing you, y/n,” and you could call to your knees in tears, because it’s the first time he’s said your name in 14 days and you miss how it sounds coming from him.

“you too,” you squeak. he glances down at your arms full of snacks and gives you a small smile. you’re about to return it until you glance down at his hands, and feel your blood run cold.

chanyeol follows your line of sight to his hands and tries to indiscreetly hide the box of condoms, but you’ve already seen them. he can feel his neck heating up and feels the need to explain himself, that no, he has no intentions of using them soon, but the words don’t find him. your throat burns and your eyes sting, but you manage to not any tears fall, or let your voice give way to what’s happening inside of you when you say, “i’m gonna go,” and speed walk away on shaky legs.

luckily for you, there’s nobody in line at the check. you throw your stuff down on the counter and glance over your shoulder to make sure you don’t see either chanyeol or jongin. you pay as quickly as you got in line, thank the cashier and grab your bag of stuff.

chanyeol and jongin are walking towards the checkout as you’re taking your stuff, and you practically sprint out with how fast you walk and the strides you take.

outside, your eyes come in direct contact with his black corvette and you scream internally, wondering how you missed it when it’s right there, practically in front of the doors and not too far from you own car.

you feel like some sick joke is being played on you, and you throw your stuff into the backseat before speeding out of the parking lot and down the road. you drive half a mile before your eyes start to well up with tears, and drive another 500 kilometers before turning on a random street and pulling over to bawl into your hands.

you allow yourself to let go, to let nasty, ugly sobs from feo within your chest escape. you shake against the steering wheel, wishing you never went out for food you have no appetite for anymore, so that you could avoid seeing him. by the looks of it, he’s truly no longer yours because the two of you rarely, if ever, used condoms. there’s somebody else who’s going to get to experience him in ways that you long for.

when you get back to your apartment, you forego your movie plans and instead text some friends and ask if they’re busy. they tell you they are, that they’re going out (like most people you know), and ask if you want to come. you don’t hesitate to say ‘yes’, and start getting ready. chanyeol isn’t going to ruin your night, and you’re not going to sit here and mope and be single.

nearly two hours later, you’re ready and your friends wait for you downstairs. you wear the littlest black dress you own, one that barely covers your ass and is backless. it’s cowl neck is low, showing a good amount of cleavage, and your heels are high. you don’t intend to go home with somebody, but you plan to get attention in whatever way it comes.

shortly after you get to the club, drinks are practically thrown your way. decent enough men buy you drinks, and in return get a bit of your conversation before you always dismiss yourself to your friends. every time a man comes up to you, you make a mental list of every way he is not chanyeol, comparing everything down to their finger nails. of course, no man is going to compare to him, at least for now, so you drink until you start to forget what he looks like with your eyes closed.

you do cut yourself off, though, not wanting to vomit all over everything and everybody in this club. you take a seat in your section and go on your phone, checking your instagram to see all the photos and videos you’ve been tagged in tonight. you repost all of them to you stories, smiling as you type out silly captions for all of them.

one of your friends comes over to you, drunk and slurring as she tells you to come dance. you abandon your phone and get into the circle with your friends, dancing sensually with whatever the DJ decides to play.

by the time you call it quits for the night, you’ve sobered up enough to make it safely into your apartment. you stumble down the hallway to your bedroom as quietly as you can walking in heels on wood floors, and fall onto your bed. you lie there for a moment before you remember to wake yourself up and at least take your shoes off so you can go to bed.

plugging your phone into the charger, you look at your screen and see you have an instagram dm from chanyeol. your stomach flips as you unlock your phone and click on the notification, biting your bottom lip.

he’s replied to a video on your story, one of you dancing. but you’re not dancing alone, you’re dancing on a man, his hands holding onto your hips and lower back as you throw your ass on him. you don’t remember doing this, and the man doesn’t look familiar but it definitely happened.

real_pcy: so this is what we’re doing now?

11:53pm

you: we’re not together.

1:31am

real_pcy: lmao alright.

1:35am

you wake up hours later with a raging headache, a terrible taste in your mouth, and the feeling that you did something bad. you pat the bed next to you to make sure there’s nobody there, and sigh in relief when it’s empty and just pillows.

you can barely remember anything that happened after you got in the uber to the club and before you got into your bed. you remember bits and pieces, but they’re muddled and incomplete.

a frown takes over your features as you try to remember, but nothing solid comes to mind. you glance over at your digital clock that reads 12:12pm, and sigh, sitting up and groaning when your head feels like somebody is stomping on it.

grabbing your phone, you gasp and let it slip out of your grasp. it’s a bad idea to scramble out of bed to get it, but you do anyway and pick it up from the floor. you frantically open it and go to your messages, expecting to see chanyeols name at the top, but you don’t. you frown again as you try to remember where you messaged him, or if you made it up.

an instagram notification pings on your phone like a lightbulb going off in your brain, and you bite the inside of your cheek as you check your dms. again, his account isn’t at the top, and your frown turns into a scowl. “what the fuck?” you mutter. you go to the search tab and type in his username. it pops up, but when you click on it, it says ‘follow’, rather than ‘following’ like it should.

your brain rolls around in your skull as you realize what’s happened, what he’s done. even during your little break, you guys remained mutuals on social media. of course, you never messaged each other, but no blocking transpired. clearly, he made the first move and removed you from his account entirely, making you an outsider.

you decide to do one better, and block him completely. you block him everywhere else, but hesitaste on his number. that’s different, feels more personal. you still want him to have access to you and vice versa, assuming he didn’t block you first.

backing out of his contact, you leave his number untouched and sigh. if you thought it was over before, it truly is now.

fourteen days turns into twenty-six, but you’re not counting. it’s been school, school, school, for you, and if you’re not on campus then you’re most likely asleep, unless it’s the weekend. you find things to occupy your two days off, like doing things with seulgi when she’s not with her boyfriend, or taking yourself out. you’ve been getting your hair done lately, wanting to change something in your control.

you drain the last of your coffee and rinse out the mug in the sink. an unfolded bag of laundry waits to be put away, on the couch, and you saunter over to it and pick it up and take it to your room.

you dump the bag onto your bed and start separating your clothes into piles. you get into a zone until you pick up a tshirt that is far too big and not yours, and purse your lips. you toss it into its own pile and search for the rest of the clothes in the pile that belong to him, which is a lot more than you care to admit.

folding everything neatly, you snap a picture and open your messages with him. your stomach roils at the thought of texting him, your last messages being nearly a month ago, from the night you ruined everything.

you chew on your bottom lip for a while before saying ‘fuck it’ and sending him the picture of his folded clothes and a message.

yn: hey these are yours. can i drop them off later?

chanyeol: yep. i can give you your things too. does 4 work?

yn: yes

chanyeol: see you later

you blow out a breath. you didn’t think he would respond so quickly and be so complying. had it been the other way around, you would’ve hoped he’d ship you your stuff in the mail so you didn’t have to deal with him. but now you have 6 hours to stress about seeing him since that fateful day at the drug store.

and those six hours roll around quickly, so quickly that you’ve changed your outfit twice, unsure of what you should look like when you see him. you decide on jeans and black cropped tshirt, and some sneakers. you figure it’s a regular enough outfit, and stuff his clothes into a tote bag before leaving your room.

“i’ll be back,” you say to seulgi, who sits on the couch, painting her nails. she looks up and waves, her eyes traveling to the full bag in your hands. “dropping off some stuff to chanyeol.” you clarify.

she raises an eyebrow. “you’re dropping off stuff?” she questions. you nod and her eyebrow manages to go up higher. “you sure that’s all?” she says, almost like she can see right through you, and the fact that you put on a matching set underneath your clothes—just in case.

“and i’m picking up my stuff,” you manage, swallowing the lump in your throat.

“do you plan to go inside?” she asks, and you hate this interrogation, but she’s seen you mope for nearly a month over him. you shrug and she sighs, going back to her nails. “just be… careful. i’ll call if i get worried, you know.”

you smile a small smile at her words. “i know. bye,” you leave after that and head down to you car. you take a deep breath before you put the key in the ignition, feeling many things at once. your stomach flips wildly and your hands are clammy at the mere thought of going to his house to see him.

you drive too fast for somebody who is supposedly just going to drop off items to their ex. you really shouldn’t be this… energized at seeing him, since you two didn’t exactly end on good terms. you told him to get out the first time and the second time you solidified that you’re both single. sometimes you wish you could bite your tongue more.

his neighborhood comes into view quickly, and when you hook the left onto his street your heart leaps into your throat. you drive slow down to his house and parallel park you car on the curb in front of his mailbox. this is one of the few times you’ve been here alone to see him, your toyota looking out of place in a neighborhood where the average car owned is a mercedes.

getting out, you grabs the bag of clothes and hold it tightly in your hands, taking ginger steps up his driveway to his door. you suck in a breath when you knock three times, and clutch the bag to your midsection.

the door swings open and you feel your knees buckle when you see chanyeol. mild shock passes on his face like he forgot you were coming over, and then he checks his watch. “hey, sorry i lost track of time,” he says, awkwardly standing in the door way. he looks at you, eyes quickly giving you a once over before they land on the bag in your hands. “shit, let me grab your stuff. do you want to come in?” he asks, already moving out of the way before you have the chance to respond.

your feet take you into his house before your brain can process what’s really happening. “i’ll be right back,” he says, jogging up his stairs while you stay in place in the corridor. you peek your head out to look in the living room to note any major changes and see one. you feel like there may be something different about his kitchen, but he’s already bounding back down the stairs when you think about looking. “here you go.” he says, extending the clothes to you.

you pull open the tote bag and try to grab his clothes, but the bag isn’t wide enough so they fall back in, most of them unfolding. chanyeol takes the bag from you and holds it open so you can grab them easily. it’s not even been 5 minutes, and you’re already embarrassing yourself.

“sorry,” you cringe when you hand him his unfolded clothes before you put your own in the bag.

chanyeol gives you a small, reassuring smile that makes your pulse skyrocket and you avert your eyes. “it’s fine,” he says but it only makes you flush more. “how are you? how’s school?” he asks.

“uh, fine and fine. i’m taking bullshit classes for the credit, so,” you say, shrugging. “you?”

chanyeol shrugs too, a small smile still on his face. “same old stuff; i’m helping kai produce some songs, getting sehun in the studio more now,” he says. you nod awkwardly look around, not really knowing what to say. chanyeol leans against the wall and slots his clothes underneath his armpit and presses it to his side so they don’t fall. “you seeing anybody?” he asks suddenly, making your eyes snap up to him, narrowing immediately.

“is that really any of your business?” you question, defense all in your voice. chanyeol shrugs, as it to say ‘i’m just asking’. “we’re not together.”

“obviously not,” he laughs, but he doesn’t find it funny. it actually makes him mildly sick to be reminded of it, for it to be said out loud by you of all people, because he had every intention of coming back to you until you seemingly called it quits for good. “but i saw that video.” chanyeol adds, his tone more serious.

“and i saw you buying condoms,” you counter, crossing your arms over your chest.

“okay, but you’ve never danced with me like that,” he says, a hint of jealousy in his voice that you are definitely not imagining. you scoff at his words and shake your head.

“we’ve never gone out together, and the one time we happened to be out at the same time, we’d just met and then fucked in your car.”

chanyeol gives you a look that makes your face fall, one that makes you want to ball your hands into fists. he rubs underneath his lip and glances down at his feet. “what?” you ask, daring him to say what’s on his mind.

“nothing,” he says, brushing you off. you stare at him for a moment, waiting for him to look at you but he doesn’t.

“i’m not like that,” you say, frowning.

“i know,” he lifts his eyes to you and your draw your bottom lip in. it’s gets silent again, and you wonder if this is a good moment for you to make your escape, but you don’t really want to.

“are you seeing anybody?”

“no,” his response sounds honest, but you don’t completely believe it because of what you saw.

“i saw you buying condoms, chanyeol,” you say, pressing your lips together. he rolls his eyes and runs a hand through his hair.

“yeah, because i plan to practice safe sex in the future, y/n—whether that’s with you, or with somebody else,” your cheeks flush at his words and a knot forms in your stomach. you don’t know whether to be semi flattered, or gutted knowing that there will be others after you, like there were before you.

“well, we’re not having sex,” you declare, and chanyeol shrugs.

“that’s fine.”

it’s fine, but somehow you end up face-down-ass-up on his bed, his palm pressing on your tailbone to give you a deeper arch as he pounds into you. with every thrust into you, a desperate mewl leaves your mouth.

chanyeol has a right grip on your hips to keep you in place every time you try to run away from him. he yanks you back and tells you to stay with him, to take it because he knows you can, and you’re not used to me anymore? you only cry out his name in response, tears prickling in your eyes.

“fuck,” he spits when his shirt keeps getting in the way of seeing where you to connect, whenever he pushes into to you. his momentum barely falters as he puts the hem in between his teeth to keep the material out of the way. both of you aren’t even fully undressed, that’s how rushed it was; you’re still in your top and thong, the tiny material being pushed aside so he can enter you, and him his tshirt. it’s the first time—other than the night you met—that neither of you are fully bare, and you can’t tell if that’s a sign that he doesn’t deem you worthy of getting undressed, or if it’s a sign that you’re about to start over.

it’s also one of the few times he’s started with doggy first. chanyeol alwyas liked to look at you; always liked you on top of him or under him, but he liked to see your face the most. you don’t know if it’s a slight that he has you turned away from him, or if he just wanted to watch your ass move.

“ch-chanyeol—fuck!” tears stream down your cheeks and you grip the sheets tightly, trying to pull your body away from him but he yanks you back in place. you cry out his name and hate how desperate you sound, like you’ve never been fucked a day in your life. you bury your face into a pillow, but he rips that away from you too.

“wan’ hear you,” he mumbles, continuing to slam into you. you can only curse and clench around him in response, the knot in your stomach getting tighter and tighter as he goes on with his mission to touch your spleen (at least that’s what it feels like).

“g-gonna c-cum,” you hiccup, whining out his name when he snakes an arm around your front and starts flicking on your clit. the stimulation makes you clench your eyes shut and tense around him, gasping before crying out his name as you gush all over him.

you expect him to stop, but he fucks you through it, never stopping his ministrations on your clit. “please, yeol!” you beg, feeling your legs start to shake as another wave of deep pleasure comes over you.

“you can do it, baby,” he grunts, running a hand up your back before gently pressing down on your spine. the pet name makes you whine dramatically and release once again, white liquid running down your thighs.

he finally pulls out when you beg him again, feeling too hot and overstimulated. you crumple onto the bed and roll onto your back, trying to regain your breath. you hear chanyeol shift next to you and then he taps you on the knee. “you alright?” he asks.

“give me a minute,” you croak, licking your dry lips. your body feels like you’re running a fever, and you sit up to pull off your top before flopping back down.

chanyeol gives you a literal minute before tapping you again. “are you gonna be okay?”

“yes, i’m just so fucking hot right now,” you say, blowing air into your face.

“you wanna take a break?” he asks and you crack an eye open to look at him. his shirt is off and his dick is still hard in the condom. you take his comment as a challenge, being that he’s never asked if you’ve needed a break before. maybe he thinks you can’t handle it and have gone soft on him, but you’ll show him otherwise.

“no. come here,” you say with authority. he obliged and crawls on top of you. you pull him down to your mouth and make out with him, hooking a leg over his back. chanyeol kisses down your jaw and to your neck before kissing down through the valley of your breasts. he pulls back and looks down at you, pulling at your bra strap and letting it snap back against you.

“you’re matching,” he comments, glancing down at your underwear. busted.

“so?” you say, reaching for him.

“you said we weren’t having sex,” chanyeol points out, making you let out an exasperated sigh paired with an eye roll. “you wore a thong.”

“i always wear thongs.”

“and we always fuck.”

you roll your eyes again and sit up to take your bra off, tossing it close to his head on purpose. “just shut up and fuck me,” you say, pushing down your underwear. chanyeol pulls it down the rest of the way for you and wastes no more time positioning himself in between your legs.

“y/n,” he groans when he pushes in, tossing his head back. you mouth falls open and you let out s few breathless pants. “shit.” he grunts, looking down at you with furrowed eyebrows. you can only stare up at him with wide eyes, clenching right around him like he didn’t just fuck you so hard you felt like you needed an ice bath to recover.

chanyeol pulls in and out of you slowly, trying to hold back from coming too soon. you can see it in his face, the concentration, and it clicks for you. he can’t handle looking at you while he fucks you because he’ll finish too fast. your sex in the past was never quick, but the effort of restraint he’s putting in is something you haven’t seen.

“y-yeol,” you moan, putting a hand on the back of his neck and pulling him down for a kiss. but he just presses against your lips, his breath fanning your mouth. “faster.” you mumble, tangling a hand in his hair.

he whimpers and pushes himself up on his arms and speeds up just enough to keep himself under control, but you still want more. “more,” you urge, wanting to watch him fall apart because of you, even if you don’t get off before or with him.

“baby,” he groans, squeezing his eyes shut as he gives you what you ask for. your cry out his name and part your legs wider for him. you lift one onto his shoulder and hook it around the nape of his neck to pull him closer to you, a grunt leaving his lips. “y-y/n, im c-close,” he whimpers, holding onto your thigh that rests near his head.

“yeolie, you feel so good,” you manage, grabbing a handful of the sheets. his hips stutter and he lets out a groan before he cums, his muscles flexing.

you almost smile as he falls apart on top of you, especially knowing that it took looking at you to get there faster.

chanyeol pulls out of you and drops down onto the bed next to you. his chest heaves up and down rapidly and you push hair back from his forehead. “you didn’t come,” he mumbles, reaching out and putting a hand on your stomach.

“no,” you admit. ever the gentleman, he gets up and discards the condom before settling his face in between your legs to return the favor.

after what feels like an eternity, you two decide to give it a rest. “shower?” he asks you, sitting up on the bed. you nod, your inner thighs sticky from all of your shenanigans.

you follow chanyeol to the bathroom on shaky legs and latch yourself onto him once you’re under the water. your arms wrap around his middle and you rest your head against his chest, sighing into him. chanyeol places a kiss on your forehead and you nearly whimper, missing the domesticity of it all.

you two wash up and then he gives you some of his clothes to wear. you smile to yourself at him knowing that you weren’t going to leave so soon. he tells you he’s going to order takeout, since he doesn’t feel like cooking, and passes you his phone to choose what you want to eat.

it’s easy to fall into that old rhythm like no time has passed, and like you didn’t let this whole thing crumble right before you.

while you wait for the food, you ride him on the couch, and then after you eat he fucks you lazily on the counter. your body feels beat up and tired in the best way, and the familiar limp you start to walk with feels good again.

you wake up to the smell of food, your limbs sore as you stretch. the bed is empty next to you, and it takes you a moment to realize that this isn’t your bed or your house. the realization makes you bite your lip, and you slip out of his bed and make your way downstairs.

“good morning,” he greets when you walk into the kitchen, a smile on his face. you return it and he pulls you into him, placing a kiss on your lips that leaves you feeling dizzy and slightly confused, but you don’t say anything. instead, you accept the plate of food he hands you and go sit down at the table.

chanyeol sits down beside you and pulls your legs across his lap, and your fork stills in midair. it’s all overwhelmingly familiar, and you still have yet to discuss where your relationship stands after last night. it wasn’t just sex for you—it never is with chanyeol—and you don’t know if he feels the same way.

you let him talk through breakfast, your mind swimming with thoughts that wonder what this all means. you don’t know if he was just testing you out again, but you don’t think he’d allow you to sleep over, and then cook you breakfast in the morning. you feel lightheaded, like you just got flipped upside down one too many times.

“you alright? what’s on your mind?” his voice takes you out of your head where you feel yourself drowning. he raises his eyebrows at you and you wave your hands in the air vaguely.

“just… thinking,” you try.

“about?”

you let out a breath and scratch the back of your head, pulling your gaze away from him. “um, us,” you say. chanyeol sits back in his seat and clears his throat. “i dont… what does this mean for us? what are we?” you ask helplessy, finally looking at him. chanyeol opens his mouth but closes it almost as quickly.

“i dont know,” he answers. you slump in your chair because you have no idea either.

“well, what do you want?”

you can see the gears turning in his brain and him weighing each response. the tension builds in the room as you stare at him, waiting for his answer to see if it’ll align with yours. “well… i dont really know if i want a relationship right now,” your stomach drops and you blink once, twice. “i like what we did last night, though.” and without actually saying it, he wants you two to be friends with benefits. he wants you, but not all of the extra baggage.

“okay,” you say, discreetly wiping your face and swiping away the tears pooling in your eyes.

“yeah?” he asks, and you nod even though it’s far from what you want. you just want him, and you’ll take what you can get.

you hold back tears as he fucks you on his bed again, but not because it feels so good and like too much at the same time, but because he’s stomping on your heart and doesn’t even realize it. your heart can’t handle a FWBs situation with him since you’re already way into deep with him.

it becomes too much as you think about it, your mind not in the present moment of him thrusting into you. the tears start to fall, one by one, until you’re full on sobbing and covering your face. “w-what’s wrong? am i hurting you?”

“yes!” you cry, and he immediately gets off of you. you roll away from him and curl yourself into a ball, feeling disgusted with yourself that you were willing to let him use you in such a way, dangling your heart on a string in front of you.

“y/n, talk to me,” chanyeol says, putting a hand on your shoulder. you shrug him off like you did during your initial break up, and he feels like he’s getting deja vu again. “please, y/n. talk to me, tell me what’s wrong.” his voice is full of concern because he knows there’s something else that’s really upsetting you.

“i cant do it,” you know you’ll probably lose him for good, but you’re willing to take that risk if you can’t have him the way that you want. you want him next to you in the mornings and calling you in the middle of his day. you don’t want to be a late night though, a booty call, to him. “i just can’t do it.”

chanyeol knows that you’re talking about your little agreement. he knew you’d end up backing out at some point, because he himself can’t even take it that seriously. he knows he’ll just wind up with feelings for you again since they never left.

“that’s okay,” he says, and he means it. your heart is heavy as you sit up and look over at him. chanyeols heart breaks to pieces when he looks into your eyes, feeling guilty for what he’s done. if only he could just confess and be honest about his feelings this time.

your goodbye is quiet and awful, and you feel like digging a hole and putting yourself in it the entire time. you leave feeling empty and hollow, and like you just got ran over by an eighteen wheeler. but hey, at least it wasn’t your fault this time.

[stillxnunpxidintern]

One Piece X Labyrinth!!!

No asked for it but I had that thought literally as I was going sleep and knew I needed to write my little thought about it.

A nice little blended MiShanks family and Luffy is youngest at 2/3 and Ace and Sabo are the eldest at 18. Zoro is 5/6 and Perona is 11/12ish

Ace is late getting home after spending the afternoon with him at the park and forget that Mihawk and Shanks are having a date night and he's the one looking after Luffy what he's annoyed about.

Sabo away for the weekend, both Perona and Zoro are having sleepover at other people's houses. Zoro at having one with Kuina and Tashigi, their cousins, at Kunia home. While Perona is having one with Nojiko at Bell-mère.

Ace is complaining that it's not fair he's the one having to look after Lu, he didn't ask for another brother.

Once Mihawk and Shanks have left, Luffy being the ball of energy he is, is annoying Ace even more while trying to get the young boy to go to bed.

Whe he does he realises that Luffy has taken one his more prized/sentimental soft toy, one from Rouge, from his room and loses the rest of his patience and goes onto the Luffy and sees he awake with the soft toy smiling like he did nothing wrong and Ace tells Luffy 'He wishes that the goblin king would take you away right now' which cause Lu to cry and Ace feeling a little sorry comforts him a little before taking his soft toy back, holding it close.

Then there a loud bang from the thunderstorm and Luffy starts crying but Ace ignores him till the lights flickers and it goes silent.

Concerned by the sudden silence Ace goes to check on Luffy to find that he is not bed and noises are coming from all around the room until the window doors brust open and an owl flys in, so Ace covers his face to protect himself from claws and wings.

Soon standing in front of him, is a tall blonde on black outfit.

Marco is the Goblin King, cause birds, plus him in all the outfits, especially the tight one kind of glorious to think about. Him singing "Magic Dance" is hilarious especially doing it with Luffy.

Marco then takes Luffy, as Ace had wished him way but Ace tries to bargains, that he didn't mean it but Marco tells him a wish a wish and says if he wants his little brother then he'll have to run/defeat the labyrinth to get him which Ace accepts to do.

Ace runs the labyrinth complaining that times that it wasn't fair, but he does met people that are willing to help him defeat Marco.

The weird fire bird things, they still creep me out in mid-30, are either Blackbeard pirates or maybe Doffy crew.

Thatch or Deuce Mask is Hoggles, I can't decide who works better for that role. Little Oars Jr as Ludo, Vista as Sir Didymus and Ambrosia is still a dog.

The ballroom scene has Ace on a suit version of the dress, with big puffy shoulder pads and sleeves, Marco watching him as Ace is looking around trying to find his out of the ballroom and until Marco starts dancing with him, trying to seduce him, until the clock starts chiming making Ace starts to panic as he loses time.

When Ace breaks out of the illusion after eating the poisoned/enchanted food that he was given, he knows that there isn't much time left and makes his way to the centre of the labyrinth.

Luffy while in the care of the goblins, somehow manages to do the Luffy Effect on them with his big bright smile.

When Ace finally confronts Marco, he offers Ace all he could ever want and all he has to is love, fear and obey him, to which Ace says You have no power over me and get Luffy back.

When they are back in their home, Ace goes to check on Luffy and finds him asleep, so Ace just tucks him back in and gives him the soft toy back to cuddle with.

Then Ace goes back to his room and sees Thatch or Deuce Mask, Vista, Oars Jr and goblins in his mirror saying he always need his friends and they have a party.

Marco is outside in bird form watching.

[simorys]

i feel rude to ask 😭😭 -but may we know headcanons off the lotf boys pre-island? sorry if it's too much aaa! your art is so amazing, btw!! ^^

Hiii this isn't rude at all, I love talking about my hcs 💕

It's funny you ask this because I've been thinking about making a comic (or maybe just a blog) of their pre island lives and maybe some post island stuff too! I wasn't sure if people would actually be interested in that though, I also suck at committing to things like that 😭

To answer the question though :D

- Ralph's mom died about a year before the island

- Piggy's parents died when he was really young, probably around 6 or 7

- Piggy has a younger sister (she's his cousin but they've lived together long enough to be his sister). They share a room and constantly fight over things (like stealing each other's clothes or other things, fighting over who's side is who, ect.). They were in the middle of a fight before Piggy left on that plane.

- Simon would sometimes get in trouble for not speaking/being too quiet in school (me fr)

- Simon would try and sing C# a lot (he never got it and never will 💔)

- Sam and Eric share a room and Eric has the top bunk

- Sam and Eric would sneak in stray cats and dogs then get in trouble by their parents

- Piggy's little sister would steal his clothes because she knew it made him mad, she also just preferred his clothes

- Jack would sometimes spend the night at his church

- Jack would throw choir parties at his house, usually after concerts. mostly as a way to get them to hang out with him

- Ralph enjoyed painting, usually landscapes and horses

- Jack doesn't really have friends, skill issue ngl

- Roger sleeps in random alleyways a lot

- Jack was a "Goody two shoes" and strict about following rules before the island. He's also a nerd

- Simon sneaks out a lot at night, just to walk around

- Ralph had recently moved to a new place before the island

I need to start writing down my hcs bc usually I just think of them and then forget later 💀

But that's what I have so far :3

[gvzel]

it's been ... a while again but here i am asking for plots, so here's me re-posting my old post because i would really love to have new longtime writing partners! definitely in for any kind of slice of life mumu's. i really love brainstorming and sharing muse posts / make pinterest boards for my muses. so expect me to bother you a lot. i write f/m & f/f and write both females or males. i really have muse for both.

some fc’s i really have muse for (to write & write against, bolded up names mean i have highly muse for): bensu soral, demet özdemir, diane guerrero, janhvi kapoor, pelin uluksar, melisa asli pamuk, aslihan malbora, kriti sanon, pooja hegde, hazal filiz küçükköşe, ahsen eroğlu, sydney sweeney, simay barlas, cemre baysel, ayça ayşin turan, naz sayıner, meltem akçöl, alperen duymaz, kivanç tatlituğ, yusuf çim, theo james, burak çelik, kerem bursin, engin özturk, deniz can aktaş

some plots i would love to do can be found under this cut!

PLOT IDEA 1: (based on NO 309): muse a is getting pressured by their parents to get married because if they get married before their cousin it means they will get the family business like their grandparents promised. whoever gets married first will own the company. muse a eventually gives in and agrees to go on a date with the other that their parents picked. muse b on the other hand is getting pressured by their mom because they just want to see them being happy and have their own little family.

muse a & muse b were supposed to meet someone else that night but muse a has the same name as the person muse b was going to meet, so they accidentally end up spending the night together & the next morning they agree to never meet again.

3 months… later muse b finds out she’s pregnant and muse a just got engaged to someone else, THE ANGST

PLOT IDEA 2: friends to LOVers, maybe one of the muses has feelings for the other and has always been so clumsy around them and is like trying not to show off but … fails

PLOT IDEA 3: a “my dad is a retired mafia and i’ve met you during my most vulnerable time and we became best friends and i’m slowly starting to have feelings for you. wait, what are you doing at my house? what did my dad just announce? is he getting back into the underground business that brought so much damage to our family in the past? did you just became my dad’s right hand man?!?!” kind of plot.

PLOT IDEA 4: this plot !!!!!!!!!

PLOT IDEA 5: always in for some forbidden love, as for example, maybe their families are rivals

PLOT IDEA 6: a non famous muse x a famous soccer player, we could make this a mumu. as for example the soccer players x their significant others. ideas can be discussed!

PLOT IDEA 7: nepo baby x non famous muse

PLOT IDEA 8: any kind of celeb plot, whether it's fake pr dating to real dating and having to separate or any other kind of other celeb plot

PLOT IDEA 9: a wealthy family and their partners mumu (such maybe like modern family idea)

PLOT IDEA 10: a maid (maybe + their family) who works for a wealthy family for a long while and the maid x the wealthy family's son/daughter have a secret relationship (inspo post)

i’m literally up for anything really, as mentioned before i’d love to brainstorm and come up with more ideas as well! don't hesitate to let me know if you have any other plot(s) in mind as well. if you’re interested in plotting with me then lms and i will come & bother you! 😇

[mariaofdoranelle]

Look at Us Now — Ch. 6

Fic masterlist

This chapter is a little atypical, but we’ll get to our regular schedule next week. I almost rewrote everything last minute because this is a little too charged, but I hope you like it 😅

Warnings: language, incarceration

Word count: 3,7k

Calling his students out for their little looks and whispers would only make things worse.

It was no surprise, considering how his night routine with Fenrys consisted on listening to all the gossip his friend learned throughout the day. News ran fast inside this base.

It took only one day for the entire Air Force to find out that Rowan was sent to the guardhouse for improper sexual conduct. It was only his fifth day, half of his sentence, and he was beginning to wonder if going to work was that much better than spending all his time in a cell. Rowan couldn’t stand all the curious or pitiful looks he was getting, and it was almost as bad as the shame he felt weighing down his chest.

“Whitethorn!” Lorcan barked, coming his way and scaring away the recruits around.

“Captain.” His salute was the same he’d do to any superior. They were friends, yes, but every step Rowan took had to be thinly calculated. He was doing everything by the book to regain his reputation.

“You are the dumbest person I’ve ever met.”

Lorcan had his arms crossed, eyes narrowed at him. Rowan nodded in agreement.

“You’ve told me that plenty of times over the last five days, sir.”

“I got the doctor’s report on this last class two days ago. Turns out Galathynius didn’t do her test because she’s pregnant.”

Rowan nodded, not saying a word and feeling his stomach drop. As proud as he was to become a father, he didn’t like the way Lorcan, his boss, was leading this conversation.

“And don’t you think it’s strange that, right after that, her uncle locked you up?”

Rowan just hummed in acknowledgement. He would find out eventually, but Rowan was saving this conversation for a time where Lorcan wasn’t so pissed at him.

“And don’t you think it’s even stranger that Galathynius showed up at the training center thirty minutes ago, demanding to speak with you, even though you were busy and your position leaves you with no privileges whatsoever?”

“Where is she?”

Aelin was here. To talk to him. All of his insides twisted and quivered with the realization. He didn’t know if she was here to yell or make peace, but he’d take anything after five days of not being able to go after her because of his fucking sentence.

“She’s at my office.” Lorcan gripped Rowan’s forearm when he mentioned to leave. “I’m trying to help, but you’re walking a very thin line here, Whitethorn. Do not. Do. Anything. Dumb.” His friend squeezed his arm, making sure he understood how serious this was. “Copy that?”

“Yes, sir.”

“I hope the kid puts some sense into your head,” Lorcan disclosed, but Rowan barely listened to him. He was walking as fast as he could, heart hammering against his chest each step he took.

When he opened Lorcan’s office door and recognized that silky golden hair, half of the weight on his shoulders vanished. The other part was still there, with promises of getting better or worse depending on how this conversation went.

“Did you read my letters?”

“All four of them.” Aelin gave him a tentative, close-lipped smile. “I would’ve come sooner if I knew about them. Lieutenant Moonbeam was delivering them at the wrong house.”

“Who did he gave them to?” His voice was taut and low as his mind ran the million different ways Fenrys could’ve got this wrong.

“Don’t worry.” She snorted. “He dropped them at my uncle’s, but I’m staying with my cousin now. Philippa gave them to me tonight, and I drove straight here.”

“Oh.” Rowan’s shoulders dropped in relief. It wasn’t Fenrys’ fault, then. Rowan was the one to give the wrong directions. “I didn’t know you moved.”

“It’s recent.” Aelin bit her lip. “I’ve been staying at Aedion’s spare room since Monday. It’s fine.”

Monday. She left her uncle’s house the day Darrow locked him up. Rowan wanted to ask if something happened, but he didn’t want to say anything that would risk his actual goal, that was getting on an agreement about the baby. Which he would start to work on now.

“I was a jerk the other day. I’m so sorry.”

“I know you are.” She seemed much calmer than when she left on Monday. It was probably because of Rowan’s clumsy groveling through desperate letters.

He was going to be a father.

That word couldn’t seem to leave his head, and he didn’t want it to.

Coming from a big, loud, loving family, of course Rowan wanted to have kids. At the right time. Which definitely wasn’t now, but he could work with that. He could make things right.

“Look, I—“ Aelin ran a hand through her hair as she considered her words. “You were an ass. I was too. I’m still bummed that was how things went out, but we have to get our shit together for the kid, right? I don’t want to be one of those parents who can’t decide on anything without a judge.”

His eyebrows raised. Aelin said some shit about not letting him see the child, but he just assumed she was angry because of his outburst. Suing her for custody never crossed his mind.

“I’m sure we can work things out without lawyers.”

The way Aelin’s shoulders dropped was so visible he wondered how much she tortured herself with this insanity. One more proof that she didn’t seem to know him at all.

“And I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about Dorian,” she continued when Rowan was too stunned to answer, “I—“

“Look, Aelin, you don’t need to apologize. I don’t care about that anymore,” He lied. But he’d get there sometime. ”I think we should focus on the baby from now on.”

“Okay.” She slowly nodded, processing his words. “I agree.”

“That’s why we should get married.”

It was their best option. Right now, Rowan had his hand and an unborn kid he would see, in the best-case scenario, half of their life. By marrying Aelin, he would have great sex and frequent contact with his kid. Ideally, a marriage needs love. Well, Rowan definitely wasn’t in love with Aelin, but marrying her was all a man could ask for. Objectively. Under his circumstances, at least.

“Absolutely not!” Aelin blurted. Then paused for a beat, blinking with her mouth ajar. “Rowan, we’ve known each other for only a few months. Why would you think that?” She asked in a quieter tone this time, but her eyes were still widened, staring at him.

“I-“ Rowan crossed his arms and stared at the wall beside him for a second. He swallowed. “I don’t wanna be a part-time dad,” he croaked out.

Aelin’s eyes immediately softened, and she reached out to squeeze his hand.

“We can figure this out in a more… modern way. But that’s very chivalrous of you.” She had a small smile on. “Considering how we started.”

“Okay.” He sighed. “I guess we’ll do things the modern way.”

“It’s not like you actually wanted to marry me.” She snorted.

“Yeah, sure.”

Well, Rowan didn’t know what to add. He was ten days without his phone or laptop to research anything baby-related, which was driving him insane, so the only plan he made was the one about Aelin.

“So we’re finally on the same page about this?” She asked after a moment of silence.

Putting everything that happened aside so they could focus on the baby. They could do that.

˜˜

“What brings you here today?”

Maisie.

The desk sign read Dr. Yrene Towers, PhD, but the only person he could think of while reading it was Maisie.

Aelin looked at him. He didn’t say a thing. She cleared her throat.

“Hey, Yrene.” Aelin said in a small voice, and Rowan frowned at the usage of the doctor’s first name. Maybe they knew each other from Elide, or this is just how therapy goes. He shook it off as Aelin continued, “Our daughter has been making these drawings.”

The therapist took the phone and zoomed in the images of the same drawings Maisie’s teacher showed them.

“You do seem angry in these.”

“I know. And I don’t think my daughter has been doing me justice. I look a lot cuter in real life.” Aelin pasted on a smile and leaned back in the chair, but Rowan immediately recognized her false bravado.

“That sounds like a job for an art teacher.” Dr. Towers sent them an empathetic smile. “What can I help you two with?”

“We need to stop fighting,” Rowan blurted. He didn’t even want to be here, but since he was, he wanted to get this over with.

“Okay…” the therapist nodded and quickly typed something on her computer. “So you’re telling me you live in a high-conflict co-parenting situation, and want to stop fighting because of your daughter?”

They both confirmed.

“I think it’s great that you’re seeking therapy for that, and it really shows how much you care about your little girl, but I can’t make you stop fighting.” Rowan’s stomach dropped. He knew therapy would be fruitless. Dr. Towers continued, “What I can do instead is help you treat each other with kindness and respect even when you disagree on something.”

“That’s perfect.” Aelin nodded.

Rowan didn’t feel so sure.

Basically, the doctor had just told them they had no salvation. They’d fight to the day they die, it would just be less ugly. Rowan sighed. Well, he did promise Aelin he’d try her way of fixing things.

“I can work with that,” he offered when both women were looking at him.

“Now, why don’t you tell me a little about yourselves?”

The therapist wanted to know all problematic parts of their relationship, right? Rowan assumed he should be honest.

“I guess it all started when Aelin lied to me.”

“Excuse me?”

“Are you going to deny that?” Rowan sighed, hating that they were wasting time reminiscing things from five, six years ago instead of solving their current issues.

“I have nothing to deny, because I didn’t lie.”

“Okaaay!” Dr. Towers interrupted. “I usually start with the communication techniques after the introductions are made, but I think we can use them now.” She turned to him. “Rowan… can I call you Rowan? Mr. Whitethorn? Captain?”

“Rowan’s fine.”

“Okay, Rowan.” She gave him an encouraging smile. “Can you tell Aelin your version of what happened, but without adding your interpretation or blaming her? Just the raw string of events.”

He did as he was told, explaining how she hid her relationship from that night at Aviator’s Ball to the pregnancy reveal. Aelin didn’t object.

“You did that step great,” Yrene praised. “Now, how did that make you feel?”

“Like shit.”

“Well, that’s a valid response, but-” The therapist fumbled about in a drawer, but quickly took out a thick sheet of paper. “Can you try finding one emotion here that matches how you felt?”

The paper she gave him had Emotion Wheel written, and had so many feelings in so many colors, it almost made him dizzy. Rowan took his time to find one.

“I guess I felt… frustrated.” Rowan set his jaw. They agreed to do this feelings thing, so fuck it. “Jealous, too.”

Rowan couldn’t decipher the look in Aelin’s face, so he focused on the therapist.

“Thank you for sharing that,” Yrene encouraged. “Now the last step of this communication tool is to identify your needs and communicate them—“

“I’m sorry.” Aelin was fully turned to him, eyes earnest. “I was sure you wouldn’t sleep with me if you knew. Still am, actually. That’s why I didn’t tell you, and then things snowballed. But I didn’t mean to make you feel like shit.”

Rowan nodded, hoping he wasn’t blushing. Yes, he accepted doing therapy, but he hoped he wouldn’t need to talk about his sex life to a stranger.

After that, they stumbled through the past five years of their lives, disagreeing only a few times because they were doing that thing where they talked objectively. He didn’t know how many therapy sessions would take if Yrene wanted to disclose their feelings at each event, and Rowan hoped she wouldn’t try that.

Even if it was in polished, sugar coated words, forcing themselves to speak out loud every mistake they made was enough. Rowan didn’t want to delve into how he felt about that as well.

“Okay…” Yrene trailed while she worked on her notes. Rowan had never seen someone type so fast on a computer. “Another thing I like to do in the first session is to set goals.” Her gaze swept between the two of them. “Apart from improving communication skills, is there anything else you’d like to work on?”

“Healthy boundaries.”

Aelin’s reply was way too fast for his liking. Of course she’d request that.

“How do you feel about that, Rowan?” The therapist asked.

“I don’t think that’s necessary.” He looked deep into Aelin’s smoldering eyes, defiant blue and green clashing together.

“Well, of course you don’t, Rowan. I don’t call you six times a day to check if you’ve managed to kill our daughter yet.”

He gripped his armchair a little too tightly. Of course Aelin would get a simple thing and twist until he looked like the bad guy.

“Aelin, listen to me—“

“No, you listen to me!” Despite her words, Aelin turned to their therapist. “You know how I feel about his calls!”

“But does he?” Yrene asked.

“You talk to her about me?” Rowan interrupted.

Aelin laughed, but it didn’t sound joyful at all.

“You have no idea the amount of shit I take from you, do you?” She paused for a second, the gold in her eyes ready to burn him. “Yes, Rowan, I do talk about you to my therapist. I talk about you so much I’m almost sending you the fucking bill!”

“You take shit from me?”

“Yes! And I still manage to respect you as a parent, unlike—“

“Unlike what? When did I ever—“

“You don’t even try to hide that you think I’m a shit mother!” She shouted with all the strength in her lungs.

Rowan froze, completely speechless by Aelin’s last sentence.

He had never even hinted that she’s a bad mother. Because he doesn’t think that, in the first place.

Yrene cleared her throat. “I think we should all take a deep—“

“I dare you to tell me one time I made you think you’re a bad mother,” he challenged, voice low and tight.

“Oh, you want it in chronological order? Or ranked by the one who hurt the most?” Aelin sneered. “Because this very morning you called to remind me to brush Maisie’s teeth. I mean, I must be a terrible mother if you feel the need to do that.”

“Oh, you’re hurt?” Rowan sneered. “You want to talk to me about being hurt? This is all your fault! I never, ever wanted to co-parent Maisie. You forced me to do this, and it’s fucking torture! If I have to go through this, the very least you could do is answer your phone and tell me if Maisie is letting you brush her teeth!”

“Okay!” Yrene cut in before Aelin could escalate that. “Why don’t we take a few deep breaths? In through the nose… hold on…. now out through the mouth… okay, you’re doing great. Once again…”

They both followed the therapist’s breathing exercise. Rowan could feel the boiling in his blood diminish every long breath, but it was still a small relief to his anger.

“Now, Rowan.” Yrene focused her gaze on him. “It’s really good that you’re opening up, this office is always a safe space for you to do that. It’s common to have concerns about your co-parent’s parenting style, but there are healthier ways to—“

“That’s not the case.” Rowan suppressed a groan. When did the conversation even get here? “I trust Aelin. I wouldn’t let my daughter stay with her if I didn’t.”

“How reassuring.”

Rowan ground his teeth together, trying to not let Aelin’s snark affect him.

“I just feel better if I know what’s going on.”

”Do you mind talking a little more about that, Rowan?” Yrene’s face looked open, understanding.

Rowan sagged in his chair for a moment, trying to collect his thoughts. The therapist looked like she already knew where he was going. Maybe she has mischievous, defiant little girls at home too.

“I always wake up thinking about Maisie.” He turned to Aelin, his voice was a lot calmer this time. ”And today I wondered if the cereal you gave her for breakfast is that one she loves that’s worse than sugar cubes. Then I wondered how you’re handling her teeth situation because she doesn’t like brushing her own teeth, but she needs to learn.” Rowan closed his eyes, ran a hand through his head and sighed. “Then I wondered if she had a tantrum, if you brushed her teeth for her, if she agreed to brush it herself. If she didn’t brush her teeth, will any of her classmates bully her for having bad breath? How would the teacher handle that?“

Rowan eyed the two women carefully studying him. Isn’t this obvious? This is how every parent’s mind works.

“So I decided to ask how brushing teeth went, otherwise next thing I know, I’m messing up my student’s reps because I’m pondering how many cavities I can afford to treat.”

Their therapist was nodding as she typed something on her computer. Aelin was looking so weirdly at him. It was a rare look, the one she wore now. It wasn’t anger, but didn’t look like pity as well. It made him want to take it all back.

“It seems like you’re constantly concerned over your kid.” He nodded, agreeing with the therapist. It isn’t a bad thing, it’s just a side effect of caring. She continued, “I think you’d benefit a lot from individual sessions, Rowan.”

“I’ll think about that.”

Yrene seemed satisfied with his answer, and he wondered if she knew he wouldn’t think about that. The amount of therapy he was currently getting was more than enough. In fact, he already felt drained from so much emotion talk. But then something clicked, and it made Rowan question his therapist’s methods even further.

“How come I’m the only one who needs more therapy? What about Aelin?”

The two women exchanged a look, and Aelin looked like she wanted the earth to swallow her whole. She took a deep breath and turned to him.

“I’m already doing individual sessions,” Aelin said as quietly as her cheeks were red.

Rowan froze for a moment with his mouth ajar, letting the words sink in.

“You’re in therapy!?”

“Well, it seems like you’re in it too!” She snapped, her index finger pointing around the office in a circle.

“No, this is different.” His mouth opened and closed. He still couldn’t believe Aelin hid this from him. “You should’ve told me that! Why didn’t you tell me—“

“Because I report to you about Maisie, not myself!”

“Still! Since when do you do therapy? What’s wrong with you?”

Yrene opened her mouth, but Rowan beat her to it.

“Respectfully. I’m respectfully asking what’s wrong with you.”

“There’s nothing wrong with me,” she spit out with crossed arms, but her burning red cheeks betrayed her stance. “I first started right after my parents died, then stopped. Started again in high school. I just start, stay until I get discharged, then come back when I feel like it. A lot of people do that, Rowan. It’s actually a good thing.”

Rowan didn’t say a word, he just stared, hoping he wasn’t gaping too much, trying to grasp all this new information.

Aelin is in therapy.

He didn’t even know she was struggling.

She had to be, right? No matter how she played it down, people don’t seek a therapist just because. Especially with how much it costs.

Was he the least attentive, sloppiest co-parent in the world?

Rowan tried to remember the last time he asked Aelin how she was before demanding something about Maisie, but nothing came to mind.

Perhaps that’s why she hates him so much.

Aelin and Rowan stayed there, just staring at each other, a mix of emotion floating between their eyes. Yrene cleared her throat when silence stretched for too long.

“Our time’s almost up. I think there’s a lot of space for progress here, if you’re willing to give it a try.”

If their session made the doctor feel positive, Rowan didn’t want to know what kind of shit that woman sees on a daily basis.

“We are.” Aelin’s answer came fast. Rowan nodded in confirmation.

“Very good.” Yrene gave them a small smile. “From now on, when you interact between sessions, I want you to try communicating how you feel about things, especially the ones you disagree with. And taking a pause before reacting if you feel like shouting, that’s an important one. Can you give it a try?”

They both agreed.

Do the feelings thing. Pause when he gets pissed off. It’d be an adjustment, but if other people could do it, Rowan was capable as well.

“Good.” Yrene typed something and focused back on them. “Do you mind if I give you one more homework?”

“Sure…” Rowan trailed, realizing that therapy was starting to look a lot harder than just attending weekly sessions.

“I think it’ll be good for you two to have quality time together.”

“What.” Was the only thing that came out of Aelin’s mouth. Rowan was stiff as a board.

Their proximity was the whole reason they ended up here. Spending more time with each other sounds like another disaster waiting to happen.

“You see, having fun together is like a savings account in a family. When something bad happens, it softens the blow. It’ll also be good for Maisie, so she can see her parents getting along.”

“How much quality time are we talking about?” Aelin asked, frowning.

“Could be as little as one hour a week. But it’s important that you try and be kind to each other, even it feels forced, so we can start new patterns.”

Rowan chewed the inside of his cheek, mulling this.

By spending time together, they could practice these communication skills. They could also change the narrative in Maisie’s head, making her think her parents get along even though they don’t. It was actually genius. No wonder Dr. Towers has a PhD.

“We can do that.” Rowan could barely believe his own words, but that’s how desperate he was.

When his gaze swept toward Aelin, she looked as determined as he felt.

A/N: Whenever someone says writers post fanfic for free, remember the amount of time I used in my very expensive therapy sessions to discuss and gather tips for this fic!! I have no regrets, though 🤣

My tag list is a little glitchy, but you can also use my side blog to get notifications -> @backtobl4ck-fics

TAG LIST

* = couldn’t tag you! Sorry <3

@aelinchocolatelover

@autumnbabylon

@bookcide

@booksandteaonarainydayislife*

@cookiemonsterwholovesbooks

@courtofjurdan

@dreamer-133

@elentiyawhitethorn

@elizarikaallen

@fangirlprincess09

@goddess-aelin

@gracie-rosee

@leiawritesstories

@lululululululuop*

@renxzs

@rowanaelinn

@superspiritfestival

@swankii-art-teacher

@s-uppertime

@thegreyj

@violet-mermaid7

@wishfulimaginings

[paracosmic-murdock]

Tell me what are my words worth ; Benedict Bridgerton x Reader

Chapter 6: "Embrasse-le et épouse-la"

Pairing: Benedict Bridgerton x fem!reader

Summary: While the other ladies have grown with the mindset of marrying and having children, you, as the daughter of a man who wanted a son, grew up being both. You learnt how to embroider, play the pianoforte, fence and manage the estate. However, there were some things that not even the Duke of Burgundy could do, so after he passed and you thought there was nothing left for you, you decided to move to London for a while and go to the Royal Academy of Art.

Nothing was going to keep you from what you wanted, and you would do whatever it takes: you would lie to everyone, you would live to death, you would pretend to be a man. You had a plan and it would be a piece of cake for you. But again, when has something that she wants and should not do easy for a woman? Especially when a man like Benedict Bridgerton gets in the way in more ways than one.

Warnings/tags: idiots in love, eventual smut, love triangles (but not really), lgbtq+ themes, bisexual benedict bridgerton, feminist themes, historical inaccuracy (for the sake of the plot), inspired by mulan (1998), song: the lakes (taylor swift), other tags to be added

Chapter summary: You received the first letter addressed to you from France since you left, showing what a necessity your return was; and the night at Lawrence House, just like mostly every other you should not be at, lead to another incident. Once again, one starred by Antoine and Benedict.

Word count: 2.1K

❁ Series masterlist

❁ mila's anthology (main masterlist)

Dearest Lady Y/N,

Here in Burgundy we all hope and pray you are perfectly fine.

Your escape has been a scandal known from Corsica to Brittany, and it has awakened many more rumors than one can believe. The most resounding states that you ran away with a lover, and even His Majesty the King came to the Palace to question everything.

There are many novelties, and I am afraid that your presence is required to solve them.

Firstly, the renovation of the Palace of Versailles is finally finished, and it is important that you go and make sure everything is in order and the way you want it. It will be available for you to stay by next Thursday.

Secondly, along with the latest shipment of jewelry, your Grandfather and Cousin David unexpectedly arrived earlier today. They are considering seeing you in London, but I insisted on waiting for your reply to this letter to know if you would return to meet them or receive them there. From what I have heard, they are here to take you to the Americas with them, for it seems like they are interested in the diamond business and want you to invest. Just as your Grandfather was approaching Claude, I notified him of your father's wishes to keep you in charge of the businesses and the estate until your heir takes his rightful place and he is more than pleased with the idea. He suggested David to take the spot of the Duke as it is needed so that way you can perform ducal duties without anyone's opinion interfering, understanding that there is no one who can fit the job better than you.

Thirdly, Claude consulted me with the idea of increasing the taxes. I told him we must have everything in order first, as I am sure you do not agree with his reasoning. While I am well aware that you do not wish for him to have access to the profits of the businesses, he is realizing that it does not make much sense for you to spend so much solely covering it by the scarce money received from the people. For that, he believes you are in great debt and that there is no other choice but to do so. It is best if you resolve this matter by yourself here in Burgundy.

I simply suggest, Lady Y/N, that you return to France before it is known in England that you escaped from your home. Or even worse, before your motives get exposed.

Best wishes,

Cartier

Dear Seigneur Cartier,

I am pleased to have received your letter and grateful to you for keeping me informed.

I understand the scandal my departure must have caused in France, and I assure you that once I return, I will make sure everything gets sorted out.

After speaking to the Carringtons, they would be honored to receive my Grandfather and David, but I would rather they wait for me to get back to Burgundy. Tell them I would adore to join them in America, though I will need someone to supervise Cousin Claude on his every movement in the house after I was absent for so long.

Do not let him increase the taxes, tell him it is best to wait for the end of the year. I will have gotten married by then and he is not going to be in our home any longer after that. If I am not successful in finding a husband here in London, I believe there are enough nations in Europe and a hundred times as many gentlemen left for me to meet and, therefore, find the one to marry.

If we must keep him occupied, put him in charge of selling l'Hôtel de Bourgogne for as much as he can get from it. The money will go to the investment in the diamond mines, though he mustn't know that.

Unless there is any novelty, I will be back in France in three weeks at most. I hope to meet you and my grandfather at the Palace of Versailles for my arrival.

Before saying goodbye, I wanted to ask you to please send to London a few bottles of our finest wine.

Looking forward to your answer,

Lady Y/N of Burgundy.

[Translated from French]

"Alright, I sent the letter." you told Antoinette.

"When will we finally be back in France?" she asked anxiously.

You clicked your tongue, walking before her on your way to the carriage. "In two weeks, after the Featherington Ball."

"Do we really have to wait until then?"

"Yes," you answered. "The Carrington Ball is tomorrow, in four days we are leaving for Aubrey Hall and five days after that is the Featherington Ball. It's not too much time."

"Will you return, my Lady?"

"I don't think I will."

She nodded. "To Lawrence House?"

"Yes."

You soon arrived at Grant's home, being received with your friends' cheers and their joy to see you attend another gathering after many refusals.

"Does your sister like jewelry? We will send her a gift for letting you come," Santiago said. "I am not joking, Antoine, we are all thankful."

You laughed. "I know you cannot live without me, but you mustn't give my sister any emeralds to show that."

"Ha! My mother just received some jewelry from France, I am certain there must be something worthy of your sister." Mr. Turner commented. You were almost sure it was jewelry from your family's mines, but did not say a word.

"I can guarantee you all that she has enough jewelry to give a very thoughtful present to every woman in England," you added, knowing it was a thing a brother would say about his sister. "Save them for the ladies you are courting."

Cortez stood up. "How much for the most expensive one? My dearest Lady Y/N of Burgundy will adore it."

"Are you courting her?" Lord Connor questioned, and he nodded. "Nice! How is it going with her? I have heard she is a rare jewel!"

"Unlike any other lady I have seen," Santiago said. "In a sense that she wasn't trying to impress me, but did it still. I will marry her, gentlemen, I bet my soul on it!"

"Women like confident men, keep it up with the good work!" you yelled, taking the glass of brandy Lawrence offered you. "There is a fine line between confidence and arrogance you must be careful not to cross. Women like her would throw you away like a used napkin if you do."

"If it isn't our expert in women speaking!"

"I am quite the expert," you replied. "But I have my very own lady waiting for me in France. You all wouldn't stand a chance against me if I didn't."

"You just crossed the line." Lawrence noted.

"Not in front of a lady, I did not."

They laughed, and you all kept drinking and talking. Some friends joined later, including Benedict.

You did not interact much with him, and there were nothing but sneaky glances and spaces between you.

But you were drunk and hopelessly in love with him, regardless of how little you knew each other. Still, you were conscious enough to leave the room before he considered approaching you.

What you did not count on, was that he would follow you to Grant's studio a while after you had left the room everyone was in.

When Benedict entered the studio, he saw you: only a few candles and the moonlight helped you see around, your hair was tied up in a bun, the sleeves of the linen shirt were rolled up to your elbows, the burgundy waistcoat that reminded you of home gave color to the setting in all hues around amber. The painting developing on the canvas in front of you resembled the landscape of the outsides of the villa. The moon seemed to be the theme of the piece, and your focus that ignored his presence only made Benedict smile.

"There is something valuable in the simplest landscapes one can paint," you mentioned as soon as you noticed his reflection on the window. "I have painted ancient ruins… Roman and Greek, the Pyramids in Egypt, the coldest night sky seen from the great dunes of the Sahara desert, flawless Northern Lights from Norway, the most ravishing lakes worthy of dead poets when the sun rises in the North of the Americas, the mountains and forests found in the mystical South; as many portraits as the cities I've been to, every sort of complex technique you could think of. Still, there is something magical about the colors of the heavens when the sun sets in the vineyards, the view of it from the Château du Clos de Vougeot is priceless… Paintings from dusk until dawn of the gardens of the Palace of the Dukes. It is the sense of familiarity of it all, I assume."

"I would not know until I paint anything outside of England."

You smiled, looking around the room as you spotted dozens of portraits of people. "No offense to our fellow artists at all, but I find it delightful to portrait the beauty of nature rather than the wrinkles in those empty faces. Unless, of course, there is someone you love being the subject of one's art."

"Well, not everyone has had the fortune of traveling the world, Antoine."

"But everyone can appreciate those twilight moments outside their homes, can they not?"

Benedict nodded with a smile. "Touché."

"Take a look at the moon," you invited him, and he approached you right away. "The greatest wonders in the world are right here in plain sight, and some are blind to them, even with seeing eyes."

"Where are your paintings?"

"Some at the Palace of the Dukes," you answered. "Others in Versailles, some others were sold."

"I wish I could see them someday."

"Whenever you're in France make sure to address a letter to my sister. She organized an exhibition with our art."

"She is not like the regulars, is she?" Benedict laughed. "I assume no one says no to her."

You smiled. "A mind like hers knows no limits and her spirit cannot be stopped. Whoever says no to her will regret it, I'm sure."

"Is she that dreadful?" Benedict joked.

"Not at all," You chuckled. "She loves like no other."

"I spent only a couple afternoons with her, and I could tell how enchanting she is."

Blood rushed into your cheeks at his words, so your attention returned to the painting. "Any man that marries her will be the most fortunate one."

Benedict could have said that despite what happened between him and Antoine, yours was always the face he saw when he closed his eyes. It was your face instead of the women's he went to bed with often: no matter that they shared your skin tone, the particular length of your hair or the skilled hands yours have proved to be through your melodies. It was your voice calling out his name and your touch burning him alive rather than theirs. Instead, he said that: "A woman whose company is as delightful as hers is, is worthy of keeping."

"I'm sure."

Then there was silence, but it wasn't uncomfortable. The slowly building tension was easy to outlive unless one of you decided to act upon it, and you knew that would not happen.

You do not often admit when you are not right in something. Right now, you couldn't even hide how wrong you were because when you least expected it, Benedict was so close to you.

This time you looked at each other in the eyes for a while, and this time it was you who kissed him. And Benedict didn't pull away, he wouldn't even if his life depended on it.

Neither of you opened your eyes when the kiss ended, neither of you said a word.

"I- I think I… I think I love her."

Your heart fluttered at his confession, and while his kisses belonged to another, his affections were yours. "That is fantastic."

Benedict chuckled and kissed you again. "I do not know what to do."

"You love her? Utterly and truthfully, you do?" you questioned him.

"I've just met her twice."

You bit your lip. "So have we."

"Yes, so have we."

"Benedict, you and I, we are men, we cannot do this."

He kissed you again. "I know."

You must return to France with at least a serious suitor, engaged if you could.

You couldn't risk that the incident with your cousin happens again, and if you had to return betrothed, it was best if the man you were to marry was Benedict. Whatever that was happening between you and him and Antoine- you… You did not know what it was, you could not make sense of any of it, but you could not return to France by yourself.

Whatever it takes.

"Marry her, then."

[pray4saint]

HEYOOO!!

general sfw dating gnf hcs?? maybeeeee a little bit of fluff? i’m in a very fluffy mood xD

thank you! 🤗

moving in w bf!george hcs

masterlist & descrip. pg. 13+. girlfriend!reader. fluff.

a/n. yeah noah ofc 🤭 (i apologise for it being so late i went camping w my cousin & i'm writing on 6 inconsistent hours of sleep + a redbull) also this started as basic hcs and turned very specific hc list but still i like it

when you're in public and he gets nervous – despite how much he told you he probably wouldn't be super into pda – he wraps his arms around you and tucks his head into your neck because it grounds him

bf george who insists that despite the fact that you're dating, you still need to go on actual dates together AND lets you pick everything when it comes to it

”d'you wanna do dinner, dancing, arcade, bowling, carnival?..” you ask, and your boyfriend shrugs, making you sigh. ”whatever you want lovey.” ”george i pick every single time, why can't you?” ”because i want you to be happy with our dates.” and as annoying as it is, you can't help how it warms your heart and how thoughtful he is.

george also invites you to every streaming/youtube event, and is 100% prepared for if you say yes or no

if it's a yes, he gets all excited and helps you pack, reminding you of a few essentials you tend to forget and while you're there he'll spend more time backstage with you or try to leave a little early to sightsee with you

if you tell him no, he understands and leaves you with a few of his hoodies, kisses you goodbye before he leaves, always finds a way to mention you on stage and ALWAYS brings back a souvenir from his trip for you

also around the six month mark of your relationship he asked dream n sap how they'd feel if he asked you to move in with him

of course they didn't mind, you were well liked by both of his roommates and he assured them that if you said yes that you'd sleep with him in his room

the only concern his friends had – mostly sapnap had – was what the situation would be with, and i quote 'how much fucking' you guys would be doing in the house, and he responded quite simply 'we're not you sapnap, we're not absolute horndogs.' (although who knows, maybe you are, maybe he lied)

still, george waited until you'd been dating for nine months to ask you to move in

”lovey, i uh, gotta ask you something.” you were walking back to his car from a bowling date, it was late and it was dark. ”go on.” he stopped walking, and you turned to face him. ”do you want to move in with me?” he gave you a small smile and you could see his hands tensing up. ”do your roommates know about this?” you faked concern but still he nodded, yes. you wrapped your arms around his neck, pressing a soft kiss to his lips. ”yeah, course i do georgie.”

that mf went home with the goofiest grin on his face that night, and absolutely would not shut up about it for a week before you actually moved in / it made sapnap n dream rethink their life choices

still even after he asked you, you guys had a serious talk about it all, if he'd be willing to make space in his room for some of your things and of course he was, if he'd be willing to let you use his office once in awhile when you were sick so you could work from home and obviously he agreed

”holy shit what happened in here?” sapnap had peeked into george's room when he heard you and george laughing like little kids just to see you two trying to move your nightstands in to replace his. ”george i don't know if you know this but your room has been y/n-ified.” he joked, and george only laughs while you removed your hands from the table and grabbed a throw pillow from his bed, firing it at sap's head. sap ran out, shutting the door behind him.

the most noticed thing though that changed was when he streamed, chat noticed how there were some extra objects floating around the room that were clearly not his, sapnap's or dream's

sapnap tweeted about it later saying 'guys it's more than george's office- the entire house is filled with y/n's shit'

pray4saint© do not copy, translate or repost my work without my express permission.

[stemmmm]

My second entry into this series...

Stem's Thoughts on the Game Design of Harvest Moon 1 for GameBoy

What is a farming game if you take everything away other than the farming? If you whittle the whole thing down to its very core without any distractions? In this case it turns into a paradoxical kind of game that wants nothing more than for you NOT to play it.

Intro –  Memories of the Past

To understand what I mean by that, let’s take a step back to explain exactly what this game is. While I wasn’t overly familiar with this game before I played it for my research purposes, there were certain aspects of it seared into my brain as a child because it was the first Harvest Moon game I’d ever played (and one of the first games I’d played period). I remembered you could farm, and there was some kind of weird cave. I remembered you could have a cat or a dog and that you could play as a boy or a girl. I remembered that the town was just a menu where you could see the girls who run the shops. Most importantly, I remembered that the game autosaved. I remembered all of this because I had borrowed my friend’s copy of the game before going on a family trip where my mom made me share my games with my toddler cousin. He promptly destroyed my friend’s save file and I spent that trip in a 6-year-old panic trying to cover up that anything happened by making the file look the same as I remembered it being, in a desperate hope my new friend would still talk to me after I returned her game. (Everything was fine but she was mad.)

Returning to the game over 20 years later, I discovered that it’s pretty much a port of the SNES game, though not a good one, but I felt forgiving because it was on the dinky GameBoy. Instead of leaving home to take on a random farm, the game opens on the ghost of your grandpa pleading to you to become a MASTER RANCHER! He tells you that he’ll come back at the end of winter to see how you’ve been doing before he floats back up to heaven and leaves you with a video tutorial of how to farm, which existed in the SNES version but as an option on the title screen, so it was a bit less intrusive. 

So, similarities with SNES: the farm layout is generally the same, with all the same buildings like house, barn, coop, and shed, and the fence is still there too. Details like the well and the stumps that you’d originally find Harvest Sprites in are gone, and the flowerbox that keeps track of your power berry progress has been moved inside your house, which means that your fields have a lot less random stuff blocking off spaces, and that there’s actual room for crops inside your starting fence! The tool shed is the same, holding all of your working equipment, plus one of each kind of spring seed to help you get started. The shed is a more mandatory part of your daily routine than it was previously, because the lack of buttons on the GameBoy means there’s nothing you can press to swap out your tools, so swapping just isn’t an option. This doesn’t end up being as painful as it sounds because you’ll want to go to the shed every day anyway to see the Harvest Sprites who live in the cave in the back. The cave has four rooms, a main room where you can harvest mushrooms that grow every day, which makes up for the lack of forest to forage in, then there are three side rooms with a hot spring, a river which starts blocked off by a giant rock, and a room full of impassable stone pillars. The last two rooms don’t come into play until much later in the game.

Inside your house, there’s a note on the dining table that lists your animals, money, and also how much food and drink you have stocked. This is, in my opinion, part of the most interesting mechanic this game introduces, which is having to buy food to eat. There’s no cooking mechanic, so you’re forced to spend your money to buy meals and beverages at the restaurant and bar in town. Every morning, noon, and night, your character will automatically eat something, which restores a little bit of energy and indicates to you what time it is in the day. This mechanic existed in the SNES version too, but you never had to buy food. Having food in this game helps keep your happiness score up which is required for good endings, and it gives you something to spend your money on, though food and drink don’t really cost enough for it to be noticeable.

The town is, of course, a menu. You get to choose between the flower shop, bar, carpenter, church, tool shop, restaurant, and animal shop. Each place is manned by one character from the SNES version, mostly the marriageable girls, with the carpenter and animal shop manned by the two men who owned them in the other version since they ran out of girls. You have the ability to buy things, but that’s it. I won’t keep you waiting to know if there’s anything more to their stuff in this game because I already knew it going in. There’s no relationship mechanics with any of them, no marriage (after all, you can play as a girl and this game is old). You can't even talk to them. There’s a couple random events with the girls but they trigger based on the day more than anything else.

And that’s it! That’s the whole game! Get farming! 

I won’t lie, I was actually kind of excited at this point. From any reasonable angle, a farming game where the only thing to do is farm and farm and farm with no other real goal or progression outside of that is very obviously a red flag for what is at best an extremely boring game, but I was in something of a mood I guess. I was riding the high of SNES and at the time, I was interested in playing farming sims in the worst possible way– spending every last cent I ever made on crops, whether I could sustain all of them or not. It was my way of inserting a challenge into games that were otherwise extremely easy, because I found that once I stopped struggling, the game stopped being fun. By some kind of miracle, I had stumbled into a game that seemed to be designed for me to do exactly that, so I ran with it!

Immediately, I spent every last cent I could scrounge together on seeds, and while I waited for them to grow, I made friends with the Harvest Sprites. They told me that if we became better friends, they would help me on the farm, which was an interesting proposition! They didn’t do much of anything for me in the last game, so I was curious what they could do here. I gave them the mushrooms growing in the cave rather than sell them, to get the sprites’ friendships even higher. My efforts very quickly came to fruition when one offered to take my sickle to upgrade it. It would only take twelve hours, how exciting! One in-game day later and I learned that they meant twelve REAL LIFE HOURS. 

This is where things became concerning. I was trying to avoid wikis at this point because I wanted a genuine-feeling blind playthrough, so I didn’t know if this meant twelve hours of gameplay or twelve hours in general. I also wasn’t even sure if any of it would work right because I wasn’t playing on original hardware, though I expected whoever put it on the 3DS eShop wouldn’t make such a poor oversight that would cause the game to straight up not function… right?

A day of real life later and I noticed a distinct lack of sickle in my toolshed. It was about to become a problem. I managed to finally plant enough grass to buy a chicken, but I wasn’t able to actually cut the grass and the game wouldn’t let me take the chicken outside, so rather than earn money on eggs, I had to spend it all on more feed for it at the animal store. I was also using whatever time I had left in my short days to clear out my field of tree stumps, stones, and weeds to make room for my ever expanding crop empire. While this was happening, I started purposefully leaving the game on and idle whenever I wasn’t playing to make time pass more in hopes that I’d get over the twelve hour mark. By the end of spring, the sprites started to tell me that we were good enough friends that they would help on the farm, but I never noticed them do anything. My greatest saving grace was that when summer came, my unharvested crops didn’t wilt. Rather, they just vanished completely and left their tilled spaces in their wake ready for more planting– a blessing because without a scythe, I would have been completely screwed by having a massive amount of unfarmable land around my house.

On the 2nd of summer there was a typhoon, and that’s when I really started to realize something was wrong. My chickens weren’t fed and grass wasn’t cut after a day of forcibly not being able to do anything, which proved to me that the sprites didn’t help at all. On the flip side, my crops seemed untouched, no tilled land was untilled, no new weeds or debris had shown up in my field. To top it off, after a full season of weather happening, none of my fences had rotted. Could it be the case that these things were also tied to real life hours? If so, why would nothing ever happen? Neither passing time in real life nor manually changing the time of my 3DS clock made any difference.

The Sprite Timer

I couldn’t take it anymore at this point. I gave in and tried to figure out what the hell was wrong with this game, or with the emulation of it at least, if that was the source of my problems. Spoilers didn’t matter if I couldn’t just play the game, and besides, why was I so worried about spoilers? There was barely anything TO be spoiled!

It turns out this game has a nifty feature where if you press “select” twice, not once but twice in a row without backing out of the first menu with the B button, you can find a hidden menu with a setting called “timer”. If you press that, you’re asked if you want to turn on Harvest Sprite Help and can set the speed to fast or slow. This whole time I’d been worried that I’d miss out on parts of the game by not having the little manual that came with every GameBoy game, and my god, I was feeling it now. How on earth is anyone supposed to find this otherwise? This is never indicated anywhere in the game that I could find. Meanwhile in SNES, I was constantly running into signs every two feet explaining the most basic mechanics to me inside the game!

After recovering from that heavy blow, I turned on the timer set to fast and put my game down to do a little more research. In short, time passes inside the game while help is turned on. I tried looking more into some old forums to see if people had anything to say about this, but none of them got even close to bringing it up. I did however find a thread on reddit where someone mentioned having to not just close out, but reset the game to make things work. That actually made sense to me because the virtual console really only seems to do save states. So I reset the game, set my 3ds clock 4 more hours forward, and then got back in. The game was two full days later, my grass was cut, and the sickle was done. I felt sick.

I almost dropped the game then and there because this deranged mechanic freaked me out so much. If I forgot I set the timer and left the game, I could lose entire seasons to this hellish mechanic. Why even have it? Why take the experience of playing the game away from me? The only things that kept me in were the fact that technically, I would never need to use the help mechanic again because it’s only opt-in, and the game honestly felt very good to play. I made sure the timer was turned off, and went back to the daily grind. I harvested my crops, cleared my field, bought some cows, realized that my cows couldn’t be let outside at all (but they could be taken out for walks which triggered a VERY cute animation) so the fence was truly a meaningless entity here… Then things just kind of stopped happening and I started to get bored. 

I finally went and looked up the ending requirements. Ship 4,500 items and have found six power berries. 4,500 items is steep, but I’d been planting a crazy amount and didn’t keep good track so maybe I could surprise myself. Six power berries though? That was literally impossible. Almost all power berries are dug up from your field, and only 5 in total are available until your grandpa magically expands your field at the start of year two. To top it off, if I didn’t find all of the existing ones before that happened, they would be erased. That doesn’t seem like too much of a problem since I still would only need six, but that’s only for the first ending! There are THREE! And each time the requirements increase. So with little time to spare as I was already getting into fall, I started plowing.

And plowing. And plowing. And plowing.

I was pretty over the game now. The shock of the timer mechanic was a pretty big blow, and learning the requirements for the endings, mixed with the fact that it would take years of in-game time before I’d get to use any of the rewards associated with them, had worn my enthusiasm down pretty completely. My only hope was that just maybe, if I got everything but the power berries, the game would decide that my efforts were good enough and would give me a good ending anyways. Unlike SNES, this game at least has crops for fall and winter so I wasn’t completely out of things to do when those seasons came around, but still, by the end of the first winter, I was broken. I knew I had only gotten half the crops I'd needed and was short by at least 50 happiness. My options were either to throw the game in the garbage or push through another year trying to make up for it and get the genuine experience myself. I wasn’t on a hard deadline like in the previous game anyways, so I had infinite time. The years were going to keep rolling. I should have stopped playing. Instead, I learned why the sprite timer exists.

Winning Through Inaction

Come spring of year 2, Grandpa upgraded my fields to be twice as big for absolutely no reason, since it was already a pretty unusable size to start with. I got to work spending all the money I could on all the crops I could, and covered my field in them. I did my best to manage them myself, but I was exhausted by the game at this point. One day when I was done playing, I set the timer to slow and turned the game off. When I returned and reset the virtual console, the game presented me with a screen telling me the day, time, and how much the sprites had done to help me while I was gone. The numbers were pretty meager but this made time pass faster in a game that I was truly beginning to hate, so I started doing it more. I started being more purposeful in my actions and would try to make sure my fields were freshly sown before I left so there was less chance of days where the sprites would have nothing to do, and I would get more crops out of the deal, but even that didn’t seem like enough.

So in fall and winter, I stepped it up a notch. I bought 100 seed bags at the start of each season and then went into my system settings to change the date by a few days while the sprite timer was on. It wasn’t an exact science, something didn’t go to plan pretty much every single time I did it, but the result was that by the end of winter, I’d actually shipped twice as many things as I needed to somehow, despite having only shipped half of what was needed before and working my ass off for it. But we take what we get!

I thought I was short 20 happiness by the end of year 2, but grandpa was forgiving and he gave me a fishing rod that almost exclusively pulls garbage. This item is the exclusive purpose of that one room in the cave that has a river in it. It’s useless and adds absolutely nothing to the game at a point where it’s already boring as sin to get through.

To get to the next winter, knowing I didn’t need anything else, I switched the help to fast and skipped days that way, which felt very pathetic and like a waste of time and effort, but I finally got my pickax and went to town on the last room in the cave, the one filled with pillars. There’s actually two of those rooms, and they're just wall to wall pillars that I could smash for nothing but a couple of power berries to get myself to full completion.

By the way, the last completion item you can get is an umbrella that makes it rain the next day. I don’t remember accurately, I don't think I made it to the end of the next year to pick that one up, because why would I. I didn’t actually farm anything in that last year I played because the requirements to reach the level of “Master Rancher” were already attained when I got the first special item. There was truly absolutely nothing else to do. There were no more house upgrades to get, no more fields left to clear or plow, no more money I needed– good god no, I couldn't get rid of all the money I’d made by this point if I tried. Therefore there was no reason to fish either when I’d gotten that rod; I can’t cook it, there’s not a compendium of collectable fish (foreshadowing), all I can do is sell it, so why bother? The pickax gets you power berries which are useless at this point beyond giving you a completion percentage because all they give you otherwise is more energy, and since you aren’t farming, you aren’t burning that anyways. The only unique things that can come up at this point in the game are single, random events with each of the girls that I couldn’t even get to trigger for half of them. I don’t know if they got missed because I was sleeping away entire years or if I just needed to keep playing random days until they hit, but for a couple seconds of content, is it really worth it when I’m already this sick of the game?

Don’t Play This Game

It was really, really disappointing coming from the exhilaration I felt after finishing SNES to be met with… this travesty. The game has nothing in it and gives you nothing for your time, in fact it’s so baffled at the thought that you would spend time playing it that it encourages you not to. The one good thing about this game is the fact that since the 3DS eShop closed down, there’s no legal means of easily obtaining it anymore (as far as I’m aware).

[breezybangtanbebe]

Got My Number: Hyunwoo❤️ Part One

A/N: Hyunwoo(Shownu) x reader. I wrote this in celebration of Daddy Bear completing his mandatory military service...a nice story of childhood friends being reunited after years.

First love, Friends to Lovers,Cheating 🌚 (don't you judge..the song is saying "holla at me if ya mans aint doing it right" ) , passionate smut. Grown folks type vibes.

Part 2 TBA🥰

4k words

"Booger?"

You abruptly stop loading your groceries in the back of your car and lift your head.

The sound of his voice was almost haunting and for a moment you think you're mistaken or hearing things until you hear him again. Turning away from your reusable bag-filled cart, you spot a tall figure walking towards you blocking out the sun.

"Booger...I can't believe it, it's really you..."

"Hyunwoo?" You said, shielding the brightness with your hand until he was close enough for you to see.

It was him, though very different from the last time you'd seen him.

He was taller, perhaps an inch over 6 feet. He was leaner, having shed away his adolescent fluffiness to replace it with bulking muscles that were apparent even under his layers of clothing.

Even the shape of his face was drastically different, dawning a more chiseled jawline and cheekbones that were hidden by his boyish roundness for the years you knew him.

But you couldn't mistake those eyes and that smile anywhere.

It was him.

And good lord, how puberty did him well.

"Holy shit...look at you." He smiles brightly, stopping a foot away from where you stood with a small watermelon in your grasp. He gives you an appraising once over, probably thinking the same thing you were in reaction to how much you've changed since he last saw you.

But in your winter coat, sweater, and jeans, you hardly felt like much to look at next to him.

"What are you doing here?" Is all you can stammer out, regarding the baby melon ruefully before setting it down to join the rest of the groceries in your trunk. Hyunwoo smirks.

"Um...this is where they sell food right?" He asks sarcastically, pointing to the entrance of the ALDI behind you. You glance back as if you didn't know it was there and scoff.

"No! I mean here..back in the city."

Hyunwoo shrugs at the question as he stepped forward, now observing the amount of bags you still had left to load in your trunk with a slight frown.

"Just visiting. My cousin is getting married Saturday so I just touched down last night." He resumes and you nod in understanding.

"Oh! Thats Awesome. Good for him...So, how's everyone doing?" You follow up, now back to loading your trunk. But this time Hyunwoo joins in, grasping a few bags by the handle and lifting them effortlessly from the cart.

"Everyone's good. Thanks for asking." He says distractedly as he figured out where to place the bags.

"What about you? How's your mom? And hey, I'm sorry to hear about your grandmother. She was such a sweet woman." He pauses his movements to say and you smile at the concern in his voice. Growing up, the two of you spent many days hanging around at your grandmother's house. Especially during the summer.

Both of your parents worked a lot, especially Hyunwoo's single mother, and it was common for him to spend those overtime days with you and your family.

Essentially becoming a part of it.

"Thanks. We all took her passing hard but other than that, everyone's great." You respond honestly, your sad smile melting into one of gratitude that Hyunwoo appreciates.

"That's good to hear.." he smirks.

After loading the final bag in your trunk, Hyunwoo reaches up to pull the door down just enough for you to reach it without jumping, and his teasing smirk at your lack of height have you blushing.

"So...I hear you've been traveling the world huh?" You divert quickly to seem unphased, slamming the trunk door down to secure it shut. Once it is, Hyunwoo nods in confirmation and leans his shoulder against the back window of your SUV.

"Something like that. My company kinda takes me all over the place. Where ever they need me, I pretty much go. I'm actually considering taking an extended assignment here." He adds and you perk up with interest without realizing it.

It had been damn near 20 years since you had seen Hyunwoo in person and while he was your closest friend during childhood, much had changed.

"Yeah? Thats great...I mean, I bet your family would love that. Having you back home and stuff...Especially your mom."

Hyunwoo's little smile widens at the mention of his mother. The woman who sacrificed so much to ensure he had a future beyond the city he was brought up in.

"Yeah, she's the main one encouraging me to take it. It'll be a change of pace but I could use a break from moving around so much. So it's on my mind."

You nod at his response, failing to keep your gaze from dropping to his chest which was damn near level with your face. He couldn't possibly have gotten taller...

"Well as you can see, I haven't left." you chuckled, blinking away the distraction of imagining Hyunwoo's pecs. He frowns at your words, tilting his head curiously.

"It's a big city. Most people don't." he shrugs and you shake your head.

"You're just saying that to make me feel better. Sure the city is big but...I don't know." you trail off, feeling your mood take an unexpected turn that you were sure Hyunwoo could detect.

You went to college and you traveled some when you could. Not far but just enough to get that 'change of scenery' feel. But you couldn't bring yourself to uproot your life and step out on faith in a completely new place.

Truth was, you were afraid to leave. Everything about this city was so familiar and fear kept you from broadening your horizons in favor of remaining content in your comfort.

The thought is more depressing now that you were standing before someone from your past, reminding you just how much has changed beyond the little slice of the world you called home.

A forced smile of indifference tugs at your lips and you shrug the thoughts away.

"Doesn't matter though. Anyway...so you'll be in town for about a week, you said?" you ask and Hyunwoo nods.

"Give or take a day. I may or may not head out right after the wedding. We should catch up though. Maybe we can meet for lunch or something this week and you can tell me all about what's changed around here.." he suggests casually.

Your mouth opens just as you're about to respond and as cruel as fate tends to be, a gentle hand at your waist has your response dying on your tongue. You turn and are greeted by an abrupt kiss on the lips from David.

Your husband of 8 years.

He'd appeared so suddenly that you flinch when he kisses you, blinking up at him guiltily for a second.

He doesn't seem irritated though by the softness in his gaze and he smiles fondly at you.

"I looked up and you were gone, what happened?" he asks, acting as if Hyunwoo weren't standing well within earshot.

"Well your phone rang so...I told you I was heading out to the car.." you begin and David abruptly turns his head to finally acknowledge the 6-foot-tall specimen leaning against our car.

"Who's this?" He asks politely, regarding Hyunwoo with a curious smile. You have to blink a few times before remembering your manners and you clear the roughness from your throat to introduce your past to your present.

"Oh, um...Babe this is Hyunwoo. We pretty much grew up together. He's in town for a family wedding. Hyunwoo, this is my...Husband. David." you prattle out as your husband reaches to shake Hyunwoo's offered hand. The words feel like 20-pound weights straining against your tongue for some reason and you stand by awkwardly as they greeted each other cordially.

At the word, Hyunwoo's eyebrows shot up in surprise as he releases David's hand.

"Husband. Wow... that's... that's great. Congratulations Booger.." he says and David's brow crinkles.

The nickname isn't any more charming now than it was back then and you roll your eyes at it in resentment before smiling.

"Thank you.." David responds for you, hugging you close into his side possessively.

Now, you hadn't known your husband to be an insecure man but you could tell he felt the need to exaggerate his claim on you in the presence of such an obviously attractive man. And to be honest, you couldn't blame him.

Making eye contact with Hyunwoo for more than a few seconds felt like a sin and part of you was glad David had shown up when he had.

An awkward spell settles over the three of you where Hyunwoo regarded me with an unreadable yet amused look on his face, while David glanced between the two of you with a melting smile and furrowed brow.

"Well......we should really get going. Wouldnt want the ice cream to melt.

" he says suddenly, nodding stiffly towards Hyunwoo as he grabbed the shopping carts handle. Hyunwoo reaches for the other side, insisting that he had it and would take it back in for them.

"You sure?" David asks half-heartedly and Hyunwoo nods.

"Of course! Don't let me hold you all up. Boog, hit me up this week. We can all get lunch on me if the two of you aren't busy.." he says and you smile at the idea just as David uses a bit more force to guide you towards the passenger side of the car.

You resist a little, glancing back at him curiously before waving goodbye to Hyunwoo.

"Uhm..yeah! Sure...We will" you respond, a little to David's dismay.

Hyunwoo bites down on his smirk at the way David opens your door with a little more force than was needed as he began pushing the cart towards the store's entrance.

"Great. You've got my number..." he calls over his shoulder, making you pause.

"The same number from 2010?" you toss back and Hyunwoo turns to nod.

"Same one." he smiles, its effect much more dazzling now that the sun was shining directly on his face. And it's then that you see a semblance of the boy you once knew. Friendly and dependable. Honest and endearing.

You're admittedly taken aback by the effect his smile has you falling silent and David gives you a questioning look before making sure you were tucked into the car as he shut the door.

Approximately a decade and a half ago...

"Just close your eyes and put your lips like this"

Hyunwoo wrinkles his nose humorously at the way you were pursing your lips at him, seated on your knees in front of him on the grassy ground behind your grandmother's house.

"You look stupid." he chortles, shaking his head. You opened your eyes when you heard him snort and couldn't help but join him. You shove at his shoulder gently as he laughed at your offended expression.

"You wouldn't know what I looked like if you were listening. I told you to close your eyes..." you scold. Hyunwoo rolls his eyes behind his thick-lensed glasses.

"But then how will I know where my lips are going?" He blinks slowly and you pout at the question, glancing around in uncertainty for a moment.

"I don't know...You'll just know! Look, do you want my help or not?" you huffed in frustration. Hyunwoo's expression crinkles skeptically and he scrunches his nose as he pushed his glasses higher up the bridge of his nose.

"I'm starting to have second thoughts. Doesn't seem like you know what you're doing."

That was because you didn't.

At 12 there wasn't much anyone would know about kissing beyond what was seen on television and in movies. And those paid actors and actresses made it look simple enough.

So when Hyunwoo expressed his worry about being the only boy on the junior swim team that hadn't kissed a girl yet, you felt like it was high time he had some sort of experience.

Even if it was just with you.

"Well you're the one who lied and told everyone you knew how to kiss," you remark, making Hyunwoo's expression go sour.

"I only did it 'cause they were messing with me..." he sniffles to adjust his glasses again, turning away to scowl at the grass and dirt beside him.

You didn't understand the fascination those stupid boys had with Hyunwoo and where his lips had been.

He was quiet, unassuming, a little awkward, and the least likely in the school to be seen smooching with girls their age because of how shy he was.

"I don't know why it matters that much to abunch of boys anyway. They should mind their business." You say, sucking your teeth.

Hyunwoo shrugs with indifference as he picked at a fallen twig next to his leg.

"Yeah well... there's one upside to me moving..." he mutters and you lift your head at his pause, now watching him lift the twig and snap it in half passive-aggressively.

"I won't have to deal with those jerks anymore..." he finishes, tossing the stick across the yard and dusting his hand on the knee of his pants.

"Yeah..." you say, your tone painfully melancholy.

He says nothing as he examined his palm, crinkling his brow and pouting as if his thoughts were far from the splinters and dirt scattered over his hand.

After exhaling, he sits up on his knees.

"Alright. I'm ready now."  Hyunwoo sighs again and relaxes his shoulders in surrender before doing as you'd told him before. His small eyes are reduced to slits behind his glasses and his lips pout adorably as he waited.

For a moment you hesitate, only staring at his lips and the steady flow of sadness overcomes you.

Not because the idea of kissing your best friend was appalling.

It was the fact that it would be the first and last time you'd ever do it. Since in 24 hours, he would be getting on a plane with his mother and brother and leaving the childhood he spent with you behind.

New life and new opportunities were something to be celebrated in most cases but the idea of losing the one person who didn't make you feel as ostracized by your peers when he was around made your stomach turn.

Hyunwoo was..is..your best friend.

And perhaps back then you didn't understand the twisted ache that churned in your chest when you were around him to be butterflies, but you knew at that moment that you felt something that wasn't platonic for him.

And this kiss might be all you'd have...

"Ugh...this is dumb. I'll just take my chances with.."

Cutting him off mid-sentence, you place both of your hands on Hyunwoo's chubby cheeks and place your lips against his.

He tenses at first, his eyes going wide and his glasses tilting slightly. But the longer the warmth of your lips pressed against his, he relaxes and his eyes flutter shut.

The butterflies swarmed in your chest and fluttered frantically in your belly. There's no movement. There's no sound.

But it would be a lie to say that the world didn't stop moving for a moment when you finally kissed him.

You pull away just in time to see Hyunwoo blink dazedly, his glasses pushed crooked and his lips stuck in the same adorable pout they were before. Except now, the pink of his lips shined a bit from your lip balm.

For a second you sat there in disbelief, questioning what had come over you so suddenly and why the hell did kissing your best friend make your heart gallop.

Hyunwoo's eyes slowly peeled open and they fall on your blushed face.

He swallows nervously and sucks his bottom lip into his mouth out of habit, tasting your strawberry chapstick.

Your eyes widen at the action, making the dorkiest and most adorable chuckle bubble up from inside of your best friend.

His eyes are reduced to slits when he smiles and a blush ran rampant over his cherub cheeks so suddenly that you couldn't help but join him.

You expected him to be stunned or repulsed even.

But he's only tickled.

"Well?" you ask timidly, your giggles tapering off as Hyunwoo finds his breath. He shrugs his shoulders with his usual nonchalance, pushing his glasses up by scrunching his nose in his usual way.

"Well...it didn't suck" he grunts and you roll your eyes.

"Gee..thanks." You respond, trying to sound as if you didn't care what he thought of the brief connection.

The cyan sky fills your view as you leaned back to lay against the earth, not caring about the dirt and bugs that could be crawling beneath you.

You don't spare him a glance but you could tell Hyunwoo was staring at you dubiously and you resist the urge to scoff and ask him why.

You knew why.

But the boy says nothing as he slowly eased onto his back beside you to join in on the cloud gazing.

"Hey, Booger?"  Hyunwoo says after several minutes of semi-comfortable silence.

You shift your head in the grass to look over at him.

"Yeah?"

Hyunwoo doesn't reciprocate the regard, remaining with his squinted eyes fixed on the rolling billows of white above him.

His expression give nothing away, as it never did, but you could tell in the way his brow shifted that he was conflicted.

"Thanks." is all he can think to say and you smirk at the sentiment before resuming your gaze up at the sky.

"Don't mention it..."

"So....booger huh?

Your husband's voice interrupts your deeply sated daydream that's disguised as interest in whatever was on the screen of your laptop. You lift your head from your abandoned work to find David walking into the bedroom from the master bathroom.

He's fresh from the shower, wearing a pair of grey belted slacks with no shirt. He shuffles a towel through his damp hair roughly and your eyes glazed up his body, pausing at his face as he regarded you expectedly.

Your brows perk up behind your glasses.

"What was that?" you ask and your husband chuckles dryly as he approached his side of the bed. He exhales as he sits, tossing the smaller towel aside.

"Oh I was just wondering about that nickname your friend called you earlier.." he glances over his shoulder at you, amusement clear in his expression.

It only takes a millisecond for your expression to respond for you, and your eyes roll sardonically as they returned to your computer screen.

"Oh, that. Don't ask." You mutter with a tiny shake of the head and David smirks.

"Well, now Im really curious. I bet there's an interesting story there" he resumes, turning his back to you once more and leaning over towards his dresser.

"Not really. It's just a nickname that Hyunwoo made up and would use to bug me when we were kids. It just kind of stuck." you shrug, tapping away at the keyboard.

David grunts at the response, its indication is clear.

"Sounds like you two have been friends for a while. When did you lose contact?" he follows up as he pulls a sleeveless undershirt over his head.

"Um....back in middle school I think. We were in contact a little in high school and college but I haven't seen him since we were kids," you respond distractedly, glazing over some article you were reviewing and David makes the sound again.

The same little grunt jutting from his diaphragm that has you glancing over at him over your glasses.

You watch your husband's back for a moment, admiring the way his muscles and broad shoulders were complimented by the fit of his undershirt. Your head tilts as you watched him shrug on the navy blue button-up shirt he'd ironed and laid out earlier.

"He's handsome," David says suddenly and you straighten your head with a frown. Before you can respond, David shoots you another amused look over his shoulder as he buttoned his shirt. Your eyes narrow into incredulous slits at the way he was looking at you, almost as if he'd caught your hand in the cookie jar and was waiting for you to admit that you were guilty.

"Is he? Looks the same to me as when we were little.." you respond with a shrug and David scoffs humorlessly as he turned away.

"Right.." he stands, finishing off the top button of his shirt before tucking it in.

You watch David continue to dress himself and pack his suitcase silently, him not even acting as if showering for 30 minutes and wearing cologne to go back to catch a flight on a weeknight wasn't suspicious.

He'd told you before he hopped in the shower of his plans but you felt like probing.

"So tell me again why you're flying out to Chicago this late?" you ask, trying not to sound so accusatory and David furrows his brow at you as he kneeled to tie the staple waxed cotton laces of his dress shoes.

"I thought I told you earlier, babe.... there's an issue with my client. They need some help with their upcoming testimony and this was the best time for them to meet," he responds as casually as he told you before.

That's when the tension set in your jawline and that uneasy feeling of your intuition nagging at you boils in your gut.

He was lying.

You knew he was lying when he'd told you the first time.

For months you'd notice a change in David's behavior. It started subtly. The impromptu out-of-town meetings on weekends or staying at the firm long after business hours were over.

The constant excuses to take a call in another room or leaving his phone face down at the dinner table.

You didnt want to make an issue of it at first. David hadnt given you any reason before to suspect him of being unfaithful and his absence had been something you'd grown used to when he was assigned big cases in the past.

But something was different lately.

"This short of notice though?" you say anyway, just wanting to be humored by his lies. David is finishing up on his other shoe by the time you respond and he nods distractedly as he stood.

"Yep....look I'll try to be back by Friday but you know how these things are babe. This is a big case..everything has to be..."

"...has to be perfect. Yeah. I get it." you interrupt him, not hiding your resentment at all now.

David pauses to look at you, watching the way you were now nose-deep with focus on what was on your computer, refusing to engage any further.

He waits a moment, expecting another question to come as he buttoned his cuffs, but you said nothing.

You were tired of asking questions you knew you wouldn't get the true answer to and part of you felt like he knew it too.

David sighs before turning away and you steal a glance at his back as he collected his luggage, wallet, phone, and keys from the shelf near the door.

"Oh...Don't wait around ok? I don't want you to miss out on any beauty rest. We have that banquet coming up." he stops to say and you mumble something amidst his rushed 'I love you' as he made his exit.

He didn't even bother to kiss you goodbye like he used to, and it admittedly stung despite part of you being grateful.

And as the door closed, the leak in the dam of your emotions springs free and rolls singularly down your cheek.

"Love you too.."

A/N:

Smuts in Part 2😜

[purplesimmer455]

Still in the alternate universe:

Megan and Iseul head back to their home in Copperdale and settle in. The next night, Megan’s cousin Amy as well as her wife Tess and daughter Ming, come over. "Auntie Megs!" Ming says, and Megan laughs as she launches herself at her in a hug. "Hey Ming-ming*," Megan says, hugging her niece. Megan had met Tess at a family party years ago, when Amy and Tess were 23, and she thought Tess was sweet and liked how she made Amy happy.

Megan hugs her cousin Amy as well. "So, how are you and Tess doing?" She asks. "Good, we just celebrated our anniversary and Tess got us front row seats for the San My Pigeons vs the Windenburg Llamas next month. The seats are just behind the dugout where the players sit." Megan nods, grinning as her cousin's eyes sparkle. "I have no idea why that's good but I'm glad, Ames, and congratulations on the anniversary. I can't believe it's been 11 years since you met Tess and had Ming-ming." Megan says, and Amy nods, a sappy look in her eyes. “Yeah,” She says.

Megan pulls Amy into another bear hug. “Megs, you’re crushing my ribs.” Amy grumbles but she grins as she hugs her cousin back. “Sorry Ames, I haven’t seen you in four months and I missed you.” Megan says, and Amy smiles. “I missed you too, Megs.” Amy says. “Even though you’d hog the tv with your teen shows anytime we went over to auntie Mei’s house for the summer.” Amy adds jokingly, and Megan laughs. When Amy was 6 and Megan was 16, their respective parents started to drop them off at auntie Mei’s house and Megan would act as a big sister to Amy. They’d spend the week and a half with their two cousins, and wander around the neighborhood, bicker, play random games together, and just have a good time.

[mrsniallhoran505]

ignore this if you want. read it if you want. This is just something I need to get off my chest after a conversation i had with someone last night. A rant if you want to call it that.

this is my story from as far back as I can remember without the influence of those around me changing the story.

My father was my everything. He thought me everything he knew even though others told him it wasn't what you teach your daughter. He taught me yard work, wood work, how to fix and keep my car running. How to handle basic situations like a flat tire or my change oil light went on.

By the time I was 6 years old I could do a basic tune up, detail a car, and change my breaks. I learned to keep a house clean and how to make basic meals. I learned respect and what to do when I'm disrespected. I learned that the only person who can decide if I'm capable of doing something is myself.

My favorite quote my father ever told me was "watch me". He told me when someone tells me I can't do something, a job, a hobby, a life choice, I look them in the eyes and tell them watch me and find a way I can do it. This stuck with me cause my father was in a wheelchair. He was told he would never walk again, drive a car, and due to a disability he had he'd never have kids of his own. All his life he was told by other what he couldn't do cause all they saw was his disability and wheelchair.

He defied all those odds and still lived a life filled with love and accomplishments he was proud of. He raised a daughter that was not his biologically to point she only knew he wasn't her bio dad cause my maternal grandmother told in the worst way possible. (more on this in a moment.) He went on to have two children of his own making the old-fashioned way. A daughter and the son he'd always dreamed of having. He taught us to ride bikes and rode with us. He swam in the pool and played games. He bounced on a trampoline with us. He built us a club house. And when we wanted chickens, he built the coop. He didn't let his limitations keep him from being the best dad I could have every asked for.

Then on June 15th, 2004, eight days before my 8th birthday and my sister's 11th, he died....

I was in the room when he took his last breath. I was one of the last people he looked at. Nothing has ever erased that moment from my memory. Nothing can make it fade or be less clear. You never forget the day your world came crashing down with a simple exhale of life.

My mother decided her affair partner was more important and left her children to anyone who would take us in. I remember spending the nights with my cousins and their parents cause my mother was somewhere getting dicked down. She was with this man before my father had a heart attack and ended up brain dead. She was with him every night my father was in the hospital. she chose this man over her children and her partner of 11 years long before my father ever was even sick.

At my father's services my sister was told by my maternal grandmother to stop crying cause our father wasn't her dad. My mother did nothing to protect her. A day after burying my father, my family came together to give my sister and I a birthday party. The last one we'd ever have together and surrounded by family. I don't remember it. I couldn't tell what happened, who all came, or what my cake looked like. I can't tell you what I was wearing or what gifts I got. But I can tell you the pain in my heart, the confusion in my head, and the hurt I felt every time I looked at my sister for guidance just to see she was just as hurt and lost as I was.

At eight years old I didn't know what to do or who to talk to. No one around me talked about the elephant in the room. No one mentioned my father being gone, my mother not being around. No one asked me if I was ok. No one offered to make sure I was ok. I was put in grief counseling by the school but even they didn't ask me if I was ok.

Then my mother decided she didn't want her kids. She was hardly home and when she was she didn't care for us. She punished us by saying she didn't love us and didn't want us. She didn't care if we ate. We went to school in dirty clothes, greasy knots in our hair, and new aches we had to hide. She beat us when her short comings as a mother was pointed out by teachers or other family members cause we made her look bad.

Eventually she left and never looked back. She was taken to court and told all she had to do was get a place to house us, a job to support us, go to AA and anger management classes. She refused to look at or talk to the judge and she lost all three of her kids. The months/years following I was lucky if she would return my calls within the same week she missed them. If we spent time with her she would be drinking with people we weren't comfortable with. Her weeks were cut short when I'd steal her phone and call my aunt to take me home cause I felt unsafe. I knew what it was to be drunk and then hungover at 12 years old cause she gave us jungle juice and didn't care when she realized her mistake. She was my mother but she wasn't my mom.

The only two constants I had were my paternal grandmother and my uncle.

My grandmother was blind, in a wheelchair, and barely spoke English, but she never backed down when it came to taking care of me and protecting me. She hid me when my mother wanted to hit me. She threatened her when my mother tried to fight her. She kicked her when she realized the hurt wouldn't stop.

My uncle was my father's baby brother and the moment I came home without my dad in this world anymore he stepped up. He cared for me, protected me, provided for me. I never went without as long as he could provide. He gave up his comfort to sleep on the floor in the living room with me when I had a surgery that put me in a wheelchair for 6 months. He would wake at 2 in the morning to carry me to the bathroom. He would clean up my accidents when I was scared to wake up cause he had work. he never complained, he never took it out on me, he never made me feel like a burden. He loved me unconditionally and gave without ever making me feel like I asked for too much.

His brothers and sister said he spoiled me. They told him it was his fault I was an ungrateful, disrespectful, little bitch no one wanted to be around. He never listened, cause I never disrespected him cause he always respected and loved me. I was always grateful for what he gave me cause he gave it without strings attached. And he knew if I was being a bitch something was wrong. And he did his best to fix it or give me the space to fix it on my own.

They called me lazy but he saw the meals I cooked when he was at work. He saw me do my own laundry cause I needed clean clothes and he just worked from 4am to 6 pm and just sat to have dinner. He saw me taking care of my grandmother and making sure she got her meds. He saw me waking up at any hour of the night cause she had an accident or was having a diabetic attack. He saw how I cared for him when he was sick. He saw me going to school exhausted cause my mother left in the middle of the night and left my 2 year old brother locked in her room and I had to break in and stay up for hours just to calm him enough that he'd sleep. He'd see me run in the dark, barefoot to my godfather 's for help when we couldn't control my grandmom's attack despite being scared of the dark. He saw me doing all this when he knows I shouldn't have especially at an age I should have been running around out side and playing.

They called me stupid cause I was failing in school. He saw how hard i worked to understand my homework. He sat with me for hours to explain math I didn't know and spent hours learning the English he didn't know to help me. He saw me coming home crying cause my teacher thought her teaching degree outweighed the degree of the medical professionals and experts in their fields of study who diagnosed my disability when i was three. He saw me coming home limping and swollen cause I fell at school and the nurse sent me back to class for faking it for attention. He saw the love and hunger I had for learning die each time i was denied accommodations cause the schools thought I was faking everything for attention and special treatment. And he couldn't do anything cause the courts granted the wrong person custody. And no one would listen cause he was just spoiling me and letting me get away with everything.

No one listened to my grandmother cause they said she was old and didn't understand. They didn't even listen to her when she said she was sick and in pain. Why would they listen when she said I needed help. They thought she spoiled me and protected me too much. They knew they couldn't yell at me or say anything bad about if she was in the room. She'd never let them get away with it. So they didn't listen when she wanted them to help me.

Then on May 5th, 2008 she died... It was my uncle's birthday, her baby boy turned 39 and lost his mother all in one day.

For years she complained about a pain and knot in her side. No one, not even the doctors believed her. Then at 71 someone finally listened, and a large tumor (grapefruit sized) was discovered in her kidney. She was told surgery was her only option. Her body couldn't handle it. She got pneumonia and slipped in to a coma where she died after a few days later after drowning in the fluids filling her lungs.

Despite having a living breathing mother, I lost the only mom I ever had. I felt like an orphan. I barely hit puberty, and I already knew what it was to lose two of the closest people I'd ever love.

We buried her and along with her went the last of my childhood. I'd never feel her hand stroking my face and calling me her jita linda (her beautiful daughter). I'd never again get to be annoyed she was touching my feet knowing I hated it. Never hear her voice calling my name. She was the only one who got the pronunciation right cause it was her name too. She'd never sneak me a few dollars to stop the ice cream truck. I'd never get to watch my whole family panic when she pulled pranks.

I'll quickly tell you one I remember so vividly cause it told me the kind of woman my grandmother was. She was blind but could make out shapes if the light was bright enough. She didn't speak much english. And she was in a wheelchair after her ex boyfriend shot her in the spine.

One day she was sitting out side the front door. We had a big porch with a large ramp since two members of the house hold were in wheelchairs and four other family member were handicap since birth and found it hard to climb stairs. She kept calling for someone to push her to the shade cause the sun was baking her. No one listened or they kept telling her to hold on. She got fed up and took her breaks off. She winked at me, positioned herself where she knew she'd start to roll down the ramp. Let out a scream and let herself fly. She went off the edge and fell in the grass. Everyone ran over to check on her and she yelled at them for caring about her when she was down but not when she asked for their help. But she was laughing cause she had on fun on the way down. That day my grandmother taught to make people listen however I can even if it means a few aches and pains. Cause I am deserving of help, no matter how little or big.

But now she was gone. And I still had so much to learn and so much to ask. Once again no one cared to check on me. No one cared to ask if I was ok. Once she was gone they just moved on. Forgetting not all of us understood or could move on so easily.

A week later I was give 3 options. Remain living in my childhood home but they were kicking my uncle out cause he didn't get along with the two that were moving in and taking over. go live with my aunt who had custody of me where I would share 77 square foot room with my younger brother. That is a room thats 11 feet long and 7 feet wide. A jail size is what I was told. Or my third option I can move into a two bedroom trailer with my uncle and have my own room and bathroom. I'd just be giving up a closet. While being told these options my room was being cleaned out and packed up so obviously the first option wasn't a real option. I chose my uncle.

I ended up with a room nearly three times the size I grew up in. Yes I lost my closet but My uncle gave the one in his room to use. We both kept the house spotless. He taught me more about cooking. He spent time with me playing game, watching shows and movies, drawing, coloring. If I was scared he slept in the living room with me. If I was sick he cared for me. He took the smaller room cause he wanted me to have the space for everything I had. Lots of music and movies. Stuffed animals, my computer, he wanted me to have a bigger bed, and my room would be far away from anyone that came to visit. He wanted me to feel safe and at home in a new place despite his own comfort.

Unfortunately, he lost his job and no one wanted to help us.

Everyone sat back as we slowly ran out of government support and started to live off of scraps just to eat. They turned away when we lost our home and started living in a broken down rv. Even then I still chose my uncle cause he was home to me. Eventually he forced me to go live with my aunt cause he knew I needed a stable home. He didn't want to send me where he knew I wouldn't be loved and cared for the way he did but it was better than allowing me to live of everyone's left overs in a rv that wouldn't survive the winter. He made a hard choice for my well being.

But he made sure he stayed a constant in my life. He worked temp jobs and under the table jobs and provided for me still. He called and visited every single chance he could. I knew he'd be the first and last voice I'd hear every day and night. Always ended his call with I love you. I was the only one he cared about hurting or disappointing. If I wasn't talking to him he would call repeatedly or show up to make it right.

He went to jail for a year and he wasted ever call card to call me often. He wrote me daily. And when he got out I was the first door he knocked on. unfortunately his life just got worse.

He lost his big toe to diabetes and his leg to an injury. Despite literally being an amputee he was kicked out of everyones house cause they didn't want to deal with him. He wasn't easy but to make him homeless when he need help told me what kind of family I was born into.

Eventually he did learn to stand on his own and learned to live life with what he had left. He got an apartment and started making money. I spent every chance I had to be with him. Weekends and random days. He'd watch movies and shows with me. We'd go to the movies and out to eat. He'd take me to the park just to get me out of the house. Sometimes he'd just pick me up cause I didn't want to be at home. He'd drop me off at his apartment and just let me be alone for a bit to decompress.

He knew the house I lived in wasn't home.

I've been here 15 years and I still ask to shower and make food. I still feel like I'll get in trouble if i go into certain rooms, open certain drawers, or go past the wash and dryer in the garage. I go weeks without washing cause my aunt leaves her clothes for days in the washer and dryer and I don't want to get yelled at for touching them. Even if I buy my own food I feel like I have to ask to eat it. It took them three years to let me have the room im in, the jail cell, and move my brother out. It wasn't till I was 16 and I got tired of everyone walking into my room without permission that i was allowed a door nob that need more than your nail to unlock it. I can't tell you how many times I've hand to throw myself at my door cause they opened it while I was getting dressed after a shower. I had to hide my own stuff to avoid my brother stealing it and possibly breaking it. And I don't' mean toys or things like that. I mean my ipods, my camera, my laptop. If I told him he couldn't play with something he would take my movies or box sets and use a knife to carve into them. They didn't care. He's thrown an axe at my head. He's threatened me with knives. and nothing was ever done.

My uncle knew all of this but no one listened to him and he was in no position to take me in permanently. No matter how much he wanted to. When I was 16 I was sleeping on a broken bed frame, with a box spring that was in three pieces and being held together with a two by six, three text books, and some wire. My mattress was flat and the springs were cutting me nightly to the point I had to use every free blanket in the house to keep from being cut up so much. I begged for a new bed but all they cared about was the large box tv from the late 90s early 2000s that took up majority space in my room. there was nothing wrong with it. I was happy with it but they refused to replace my broken bed unless I replaced the tv. So my uncle took me to walmart, bought me a 47 inch flat screen with a wall mount. When he dropped it off he told them to get me a new bed. They complained to everyone that I got a flatscreen and a wall mount for Christmas and all he got my brother was a video game, a package of socks, and a 50 dollar psn gift card. Keep in mind my uncle asked my bother what he wanted for christmas and told him he was going to but me tv. Everything my brother listed is what he got.

Did I get a new bed? No. I got my brother's bed he never used cause he either slept in my aunt and uncle's bed or on the couch in the living room. Two years later his bed broke and I got my grandma's old bed frame from storage and I paid for my mattress out of pocket.

On January 1st, 2019, my uncle died from kidney failure...

I lost my dad all over again. I got the call at 8 in the morning and not a since person thought to come get me so I could say goodbye and see him one last time. ( i didn't have a license, or a car, and it had snowed the night before.) I just kept getting texts with condolences and promises if I needed anything to just call.

We buried him and it was my mother who held me as i cried. The mother who abused and abandoned me knew what that man meant to me and she took time off work to hold me while i sobbed over him. She feared him. She had been threatened by. She had watched her own brother be beaten by him for hurting me. She watched me chose this man over everyone and she held me and comforted me.

not a single one of his brothers. sisters, nephews, or nieces even gave me a hug. None of them seemed to understand I wasn't burying my uncle who was a pain in my ass like he was to them. I was burying my dad. I was burying the last person who loved me unconditionally, cared for me, provided for me, chose me everyday. His own friends who knew him long before I was born called me his daughter and had to be corrected cause they honestly forgot that I wasn't. It was only after his death that they told me I was his daughter cause that's how he loved me. Cause that's how he saw me. They called me his daughter cause he did. And now he was gone I can't tell him what he meant to me. How much he made life livable. How without him I would have ended when I was 15 and was tired of fighting everyone around me.

My phone would never ring and show his name. I'd never watch another movie with him. He'll never see the endings to shows we enjoyed together. If I ever marry he won't be there to walk me down the aisle or dance with me. If I ever have kids, he'll never know them. He'll never be called grandpa, he'll never know that I plan to name my son, if I ever have one, after him. He spent his life carrying for me and never had kids of his own. But he had me and as long as I can I will consider him my dad, if i have kids they will know the two grandpas that made them possible.

Now to the reason this post is being made...

When I was six months old, I was baptized. My god parents were my dad's baby sister and his older brother. Neither of these people are worthy of the title of god parent.

My god father spends more time calling me fat and ignoring me for his husbands family. I don't have any good memories attached to him. I do remember dodging a sharp metal candle holder that he threw at my uncle and nearly hit me. I remember coming home hungry and already upset after dealing with bullying all day just for him to grab my food and ask if I really needed to be eating it at my size. I was ten and ate while sobbing.

my godmom was hardly around. I saw her for holidays and if I was lucky I would see her on my birthday but most times it was a week later. Usually it was her dropping off gifts that made no sense and the excuse she already had plans, with a promise to take to eat on a later date. That was usually fast food and I'd eat it as she drove me home. Sometimes we'd see a movie.

Then she got breast cancer. I believe it was stage two and she needed chemo and surgery. During her treatments her wife chose to cheat on her. She would wait till my god mom would pass out while getting chemo, go home and sleep with a man in their bed, shower and change and be back in time for my god mom to wake up and go home.

Suddenly I existed to my god mom. She wanted me to move in with her so she wouldn't lose her home. She wanted me to spend time with her when she went onto remission. I had sat with her at chemo and even stayed with her while she was puking and pissing acid. I was there when she said her divorce was finalized.

When my uncle died she said she was gonna move me in with her to watch over me cause she knows no one at my house would check to make sure I didn't hurt myself. that never happened.

She would take me to movies and sometimes she would pay other times she would make us split then lecture me on needing to save money. She would agree to take me to a movie then have a tantrum when it cut into her sleep.

When she was fired and had to get on unemployment I was the one getting up every Sunday to do her recertification so she could collect another week. anything she needed done on the computer was my job. I watched her demon dog who attacked me and my brother. I volunteered to go to the doctors with her if she needed someone to drive. I listened as she complained for everything.

She started to butt heads with my younger brother cause he didn't kiss her ass and give her the respect she felt she was owed cause she was older than him. And i'm protective over my brother, I raised him for four years. I gave up four years of my childhood to keep him safe and loved. And she constantly attacked. She physically hit him and wanted him to apologize for pushing her to that point. She threatened to kill both our dogs cause he asked her to butt out of our business. She refuses to come around cause he makes her uncomfortable.

Last night I called her and asked her to take me to urgent care cause it hurt to swallow, my head was pounding, i had a fever, and my whole body hurt. She said yes then called me two minutes later and told she didn't want to risk getting sick so she wasn't taking me. Despite my night blindness I drove myself and sat alone for hours.

When I called to tell her what the doctors said she went on a rant about how I need to quit my job, live off disability, give up every small luxury I fight to be able to have, and stop complaining cause its the choice she would make. She then went on to tell me how she waked up in pain, goes to bed in pain, and is finding it harder to lift heavy things and make it through the day. She described what I've been living with for 28 years. I can't even lift my three year old nephew and if he runs at me I will get knocked over and need at least two people to help me stand again. I struggle to go places on my own for fear I will fall and end up in the er. Cleaning the house leaves me winded and in pain for a few days. I wake up barely being able to walk to the bathroom. I go to bed feeling like I went 12 rounds with mike tyson in his prime. But she talks like I don't know whats waiting for me at her age.

She wants me to sit down and just waste away to my disability cause she hurts. I was told when I was 9 that by the time I was 13 I would either need a walker of a wheelchair for most the day. by 18 I would be in the wheelchair permanently. And by 21 my tendons would tighten so much I'd make a ballerina question how I point so perfectly. I am 28 and still walking, my heel is only an inch and a half off the ground. And I refuse to use a wheelchair unless i have no other choice. I chose pain over letting this disability take more from me. I don't want to live according to my disability, I want to live despite it. I don't' want to miss out cause someone else told me I can't do it. Every time I even entertain that idea I hear my dad telling me "watch me", I see my uncle learning to walk again with a prosthetic and defying the odds of what he was told would be his new limitations. I see my grandma using her chair as a walker to walk to the kitchen from her bedroom cause everyone ignored her calling for help. I see my dad cleaning an acre of land on his hands and knees cause it needed to be done and no one else will do it for him.

She then went on to tell me when she's dead she's giving back to people what they gave her in life. Her stuff will be burned or donated. her cars will be sold and the money given to charity. No one will get anything cause thats what they gave her.

She forgets who was with her during her cancer battle. She forgets who held her while she sobbed cause she wants to die. She forgets the times I invited her out and she told me no. She forgets that I spend my life just wanting her around just to watch her run out the door with the woman who chose another while she was fighting for her life. She forgets she never chose me unless she needed me. She chose to hate my brother more than she loves me. She turned her back when I needed her. She went back on her own promises.

She gets mad and hurt when I talk about my uncle. She told me why do I pick him when she's right here. My answer to you is simple... Cause if he was here I wouldn't have to beg. I wouldn't have to question his love. I wouldn't have to be scared he'd tell me no when I needed him. I could pick him in life and death cause he picked me for the 23 years of my life I had with him. Cause at the end of the, whether getting sick meant he'd have to take care of himself on his own, he would have been at my door in ten minutes ready to take me to get check.

I chose him in death cause no one loved me like him.

I don't want your stuff nina cause it means nothing to me. I don't need you cause I know you'll never care. I don't choose you cause you never chose me. I don't love you because you never really loved me.

When you die I will mourn what you should have been, what our relationship should have been. I will not mourn you. I will not cry for you. I will not miss you for you gave me nothing to miss.

You chose isolation cause you say no one comes to visit you. Where were you when I was being beaten? Where were you when I lived in a rv and hotel rooms living off a sack of potatoes for every meal? Where were you when I was fighting for my basic rights to go to school? Where were you when I needed you?

Sorry for the long post but I needed to get this off my chest. I f you read it, I'm sorry. If you skipped it I understand.

signed, an orphan who to this day fights to live because those who did love me would want me to live when they couldn't.

[nes-the-sleep-monster]

If you could relive any memory, which would it be?

if i had to choose, it would be August of when i was 6, i was with my family on vacation on the beach and my cousin was there (he was 1) and we'd play on a little wooden desk with little wooden chairs that the owner of the house bought for us bc she was friends with my grandma. the pjs i wore were a gift from my aunt whith the perfect texture, thickness and shape; sadly I never found a replacement once i outgrew them. i still have them in a drawer in my closet

another one is from when i was a little older and i sarted to get along with my big sister when i was around 12. my parents would go on trips often, sowe would spend the week at grandma's and that was the only time we could choose dinner and we always chose fries (though she would make something to go with them like chicken thighs or smt). we called those nights party nights and they were the only time i didnt have to play alone. sometimes, we couldn't go to grandma's bc of grandpa's illness, and we'd recreate those nights at home. my sister learned to make popcorn and we'd watch detective conan while eating it bc we were too scared to get burned from the oil if we made fries. after some time we changed the name to sibling night

[gvzel]

heeellooo, it's your girl dee again asking for plots hehe. i would really love to have new longtime writing partners! definitely in for any kind of slice of life mumu. i really love brainstorming and sharing muse posts / make pinterest boards for my muses. so expect me to bother you a lot. i write f/m & f/f and write both females or males. i really have muse for both.

some fc’s i really have muse for (to write & write against, bolded up names mean i have highly muse for): bensu soral, demet özdemir, diane guerrero, janhvi kapoor, pelin uluksar, melisa asli pamuk, aslihan malbora, kriti sanon, pooja hegde, hazal filiz küçükköşe, ahsen eroğlu, cemre baysel, ayça ayşin turan, naz sayıner, meltem akçöl, alperen duymaz, michael evans behling, kivanç tatlituğ, yusuf çim, theo james, burak çelik, kerem bursin, engin özturk

some plots i would love to do can be found under this cut!

PLOT IDEA 1: (based on NO 309): muse a is getting pressured by their parents to get married because if they get married before their cousin it means they will get the family business like their grandparents promised. whoever gets married first will own the company. muse a eventually gives in and agrees to go on a date with the other that their parents picked. muse b on the other hand is getting pressured by their mom because they just want to see them being happy and have their own little family.

muse a & muse b were supposed to meet someone else that night but muse a has the same name as the person muse b was going to meet, so they accidentally end up spending the night together & the next morning they agree to never meet again.

3 months… later muse b finds out she’s pregnant and muse a just got engaged to someone else, THE ANGST

PLOT IDEA 2: friends to LOVers, maybe one of the muses has feelings for the other and has always been so clumsy around them and is like trying not to show off but … fails

PLOT IDEA 3: a “my dad is a retired mafia and i’ve met you during my most vulnerable time and we became best friends and i’m slowly starting to have feelings for you. wait, what are you doing at my house? what did my dad just announce? is he getting back into the underground business that brought so much damage to our family in the past? did you just became my dad’s right hand man?!?!” kind of plot.

PLOT IDEA 4: this plot !!!!!!!!!

PLOT IDEA 5: always in for some forbidden love, as for example, maybe their families are rivals

PLOT IDEA 6: a non famous muse x a famous soccer player, we could make this a mumu. as for example the soccer players x their significant others. ideas can be discussed!

PLOT IDEA 7: nepo baby x non famous muse

PLOT IDEA 8: any kind of celeb plot, whether it's fake pr dating to real dating and having to separate or any other kind of other celeb plot

PLOT IDEA 9: a wealthy family and their partners mumu (such maybe like modern family idea)

i’m literally up for anything really, as i mentioned before i’d love to brainstorm and come up with more ideas as well! if you’re interested in plotting with me then lms and i will come & bother you! 😇