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bakugotsundere · 4 years ago

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Hating Him - Bakugou Katsuki (1)

bakugo x (black) fem reader

( still can read if you’re not)

sorry if it bothers you, i just felt that my black readers weren’t feeling black as they were reading y/n stories cause i for sure wasn’t.

Warning: none

Summary: Bakugo and you have hated each other ever since you met, being on the same track team and having the same friend group didn’t make things any better. you 2 have to act like you like each other for the benefit of the friend group until one day you and him are forced to have movie night with the others and you both have had enough of each other’s shit.

in this chapter: you get invited to the movie night and bump into bakugo

The morning smell of outside filled your lungs as you stepped out your house. It was exactly 5:30 in the morning. The streets were not busy and there was barely any noise, just faint sounds of dogs barking and truck drivers in a distance. It was the perfect time to go for your daily run. The chilly air made you happy, it gave you more of a challenge. you zipped your nike training jacket up. It fit you tight, tugging at every curve of yours. The sky was a foggy blue, a few clouds started coming in, along with the sum.

You walked down the steps of your house, stretching your legs when you got to the sidewalk. You looked ahead and yawned as you walked onto the street. Your neighborhood was fairly nice to say the least. Everybody minded their business, especially since your house had been secluded. After your grandmother died, she left one of her houses she owned to you, making it easy for you since you dreaded the idea of having to share a dorm with someone, let alone having to get an apartment.

you placed your airpods in your ears and played Apparently by J.Cole. J.Cole had been your favorite rapper since you were 12 years old, you missed the days where your 12 year old self would dance around your room to his music, now you’re grown and responsibilities are becoming more than just making sure your chores were done. You stretched one last time before taking off.

...

Once you were done, sweat dripped from your face. your breathing was heavy and the cold water bottle in your hand had been long awaited. The sun was now out. The birds chirping got louder and the old lady from across the street was sitting in her chair with her small cat in her lap, you quenched your thirst, swallowing every last drop of water. “Good morning Y/n” She chirped. You wiped your mouth with your wrist smiling, turning towards her, “Goodmorning Ms. Rodriguez.” you reply as you waved.

You finally go back inside your house, feeling at ease. you take off your black vapor max at the door and go to your kitchen, grabbing a nutrigrain bar, you ate it before going upstairs to get ready for your classes. you took your curly hair out of its messy bun. the roots of your hair were finally breathing and it felt good. you scratched your scalp in satisfaction. you looked in the mirror, loving your features and your brown/caramel skin. you never felt the need to put yourself in the 3 categories because to you there was no need to, everybody in the community was black so why separate it into groups.

you placed the shea butter your mother made for you on your face. you took off your semi-sweaty clothes throwing them into your dirty clothes hamper and looked at yourself in the mirror. your body was perfect to most but you didn’t see what everyone saw. your thighs were too thick for your liking, especially since you did track. your breast were too big to you, they sometimes got in the way while working out. you had a 4 pack from the working out, everybody told you that you had an hour glass body but you hated it. if this what a hour glass body was, you hated it.

you took off your panties, replacing your old ones with Tommy Hilfiger ones. You grabbed a pair of black nike sweatpants that fit your thighs perfectly. You took off your bra, letting your breast breath and put on another sports bra, putting on a white t-shirt fresh out the pack. you ran chap stuck along your plump lips, they were more than plump actually if you like them so it didn’t matter. you picked out the roots of your hair leaving it’s on it’s curly state. you had dyed your hair a ginger color, which made you look like sza a little. your fro was like hers too, very big and curly.

You wrapped your apple watch around your wrist and put on some whit nike socks, along with your white air force ones. Your phone started dinging and it was the gc, you had been in with your friend group.

Mina :) > goodmorning whores. Time for class before you become drop outs.

Denki ⚡️> good morning Mina ;)

Midoriya🥬> Goodmorning everybody, i have a big test in Mr. Aizawa’s today so i have to get to studying, talk to you guys later.

Kirishima> Mornin. It’s beautiful out today, isn’t it and i’m not a whore mina.

You> yea, kirishima i’m pretty sure you got caught with cami in the janitors closet.

Iida> Mine was too, you guys need to stop texting and get to class.

You> sure, see you on the track field lida. this gc is getting deader by the day and it’s embarrassing to watch.

(seen by kirishima, Mina, and Bakugou)

lida> typing...

You shut off your phone with a smile, knowing that got him heated. You didn’t even care for his response. you loved messing with lida, it was funny, you sprayed a little vanilla perfume on your body and you were off to a place you dreaded.

...

You were now in the library studying with Mina. Mina was like your best friend, you told her everything and she told you everything. “Have you seen that picture of trey songz you know what?” she asked and your eyes went wide, in shock that she was talking about this in the library. “yes, but i can’t go crazy over it, he made the shit so corny. the whole post he made afterwards had me cringing at my phone so hard. i was like “boy what the fuck” he too old for that shit.” you told her and she giggled.

“I’m having a movie night with the rest of the group this saturday, you have to come. you never come to things with us anymore. Ever since bakugou started hanging out with us, you’ve been avoiding us. i’ve noticed some type of tension between you 2, i hope it isn’t sexual?” she stated and your stomach churned at the thought of that stuck up dummy.

“No, i just like staying to myself, that’s all. i think i’ll come Saturday as long as it’s not going to be a lot of people you know how busy i am with track and stuff.” you stated in reality you hated being around bakugo. especially since he always felt to make rude remarks towards you when everyone wasn’t around. He was normally mean to everyone, but you got it the worse since you had the shortest running time on the team. When track practice would come around you and him would argue with each other every second. you hated being yelled at or talked to badly and your mother sure didn’t raise a bitch so you talked to him just as reckless as he did to you and he hated every second of it since you were the first to ever test him. your personalities didn’t mix well at all.

“it’s only gonna be, denki, bakugo, kirishima, todoroki, asui, uruaka and deku but that’s if bakugo doesn’t mind.”

“yea, i’ll think about it.” you said softly.

...

you were now at practice and the death stares you received from bakugo made you just wanna slap the fuck out of him. His eyes followed you as you warmed up. You could see him start to come towards you and you sighed. His tall figure stood in front of you, blocking the sun, his body shaded you. “You draw too much attention.” He stated as the boys that were on the team stared at you. You were the only girl on the track team so you learned to get used to it. “I know, why are you telling me this?” you asked and he gritted his teeth, “All of those boys are practically eye raping you.” he states, taking in your appearance and you sighed, “I don’t know what to fucking say. these are the only sizes in shirts they have and if my curves happen to show then so be it. it’s not like the whole thing is out.”

Sweat dripped from the side of his head, he had on a white tank top and some nike shorts with some white vapor max. a towel hung over his broad shoulders. your eyes scanned his body, you never thought bakugo was ugly, he was perfect when it came to looks. He was very tall with a slim, muscular build, and a fair skin tone. He had short, spiky, ash-blond hair that looked soft. His eyes were a sharp and bright red in color that showed his hostility. his looks fit his personality though, very cocky.

“Why do you care?” You asked and his cheeks turned a bright pink and anger came upon him, this line made him mad, “I don’t.” he replied angrily. “Well then stop telling me things i already know. All you do is bother me.” you told and his lips curved into a smirk, “Your existence bothers me, imagine how I feel.”

You rolled your eyes, pushing past him aggressively. He can be so fucking annoying. Imaging having to be on the same team as someone you hate. It’s really irritating, especially when the person is somebody as arrogant as he is. He needs to be humbled.

...

You and Bakugou were the only 2 left after practice, your coach was mad at the both of you because of what happened last week with the sub coach. Bakugou had been bothering you that day and you snapped and then you two decided to have a race on your own which didn’t turn out so well since bakugou got mad that you won in the end.

So now you and him were being forced to do “after practice workouts” with each other. You were now lying on the ground of the track floor, exhausted. Bakugou was right next to you, your chest rose up and down, your breathing heavy and your legs worn out. You looked over at him, and he looked over at you. “This wouldn’t have happened if you just wouldn’t hate me so much and accept that i’m faster than you.” you stated and his red eyes stared at your light brown ones. “Can’t blame this all on me. You hate me as well and you don’t know when to shut up. You don’t have to respond to everything i say but you do.” He said and you placed your hands at your stomach, “I’m not about to let you walk all over me like you do everyone else. Your ego is too big and i’m doing nothing but lowering it.”

“Is that what you think?” he asked and you sighed softly looking him in his eyes trying to search for anything but anger but there was no other emotion but that, his pupils did dilate once he noticed how hard you were staring into his eyes though, “It’s not what i think, it’s what i know.” you said. “i don’t understand why you are always so angry all the time. I don’t even know how you have the friends that you have. obviously that means they see past it but i refuse to. i can’t. sorry but that’s just how i am.” you stated sitting up, he sat up with you staring at you, “i don’t understand how you have friends, you are very competitive and just avoid me then. We can always hate each other from a distance.” he stated and you smiled shaking your head as you stood up.

“Can’t do that when we have the same friends and are on the same team and i’m only competitive when it comes to track. So i’ll just hate you regardless and plus you always keep your enemies close. It doesn’t matter though, i’m still faster.” you added on that last part trying to make him mad and you could hear him start to yell as you walked off and a smile came upon your lips.

There’s no way you could ever be friends with him so why even bother trying. Something about him makes your blood boil.

#bakugou smut #bakugo x reader #bakugou katsuki #bakugou x y/n #bakugo x black reader

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make-it-mavis · 4 years ago

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Homesick (Entry #27)

(cw: drugs/addiction) ----------

01/13/88 4:05 PM

Hey.

I had a lot to think about after that total clustercuss.

Once I came down enough from my high to start feeling sick, I threw the blanket over Fix-it and left. Not in a mushy way or anything, more like tossing it over a chair or coat rack. I would have stolen it and added it to the pile, but it reeked of him. That’s not what I want to smell while I’m falling asleep.

The arcade opened the same as any other day, which felt strange given the surreal horrors I’d spent the night battling. I definitely took some wounds away from it, in the way of the worst hangover I’d had in my life. Chills, headache, puking, all the standard stuff was there, but I’d never had mental effects quite like that before. My moods were spinning as much as my head. They were so intense, yet so cold all at once. Minute to minute, I’d be laughing ‘til it hurt, then hyperventilating, then punching the bark off the trees, then crying so hard I couldn’t stand up -- yet it all felt dissociated from me. They were physical symptoms of emotion, but the emotions themselves just weren’t there. I was just numb.

Eventually, I passed out. I fell asleep craving nothing more than the quenching release of GC.

One more, I told myself. Just one more.

What I told Fix-it was the truth -- I didn’t want to corrupt. I did want to avoid it. But what I said before about the risk feeling far away? That only got worse, moving forward. My brain said that if I had gotten this far, I was tolerant to it. I was tough. I could take just one more and be fine. If I didn’t take another, I’d be left with a bad taste in my mouth. If I didn’t take another, I’d be giving up one last chance to experience the freedom and euphoria that the first hit gave me. The second one couldn’t be the last. I couldn’t end on such a horrifying note with nothing to wash it down. I couldn’t be ready to face my reality again dragging that around. I needed just one more. Just one.

So, once I’d woken up and had some more time to pull myself together, I drew another portrait, from memory this time. I’d drawn Fix-it so many times perfecting my disguise of him, it was like muscle memory. I guess I just didn’t want him to be one of the first faces up on the wall, otherwise I’d have drawn him sooner. But at that point, I didn’t have the patience to track anyone down to model for me. He’d have to do.

I set out for Tapper’s, portrait in hand. But halfway there, the weirdest and creepiest thing happened. Remember in my buff trip where I’d lose little chunks of time?

That started happening in real life.

One second, I was crossing Game Central Station. One flash of blue later, I was standing outside the bar, having just gotten off the train, with no memory of the time in between, and drumming pain in my head. I knew that was weird and definitely not a good sign.

But it was okay, because I wasn’t going to take any more GC after this last hit.

I entered the bar and sat in my usual spot. The atmosphere seemed somehow even drearier than before, even darker, as if Tapper had dimmed the lights. I wasn’t about to let it get me down, though. I whistled for Tapper. To my surprise, he didn’t come over right away, despite it being a slow night.

He wiped down a counter a little ways away. When I whistled, he took a deep breath and sighed through his nose. He didn’t even look at me. I got the sense, though, that he wasn’t trying to give me the cold shoulder. He just seemed so reluctant to even acknowledge me, so avoidant, as if being pressed on something he didn’t want to talk about. I actually had to get up and go sit in front of him for him to actually talk to me.

“What’s the problem, sad sack?” I asked. “You’re supposed to be happy to see me.”

Tapper stopped cleaning, took another deep breath, and looked me in the eyes with a sad sort of scrutiny. He asked quietly, “Mavis… is there anything you’d like to say to me?”

My heart skipped a beat.

“...No?”

“Really,” he furrowed his brow. “Nothing at all.”

“I’d…” I trailed off for a second, before pulling out the portrait and placing it in front of him. “I’d like to say ‘Pleasure doing business with you!’”

For a second, he froze in inspection of the portrait, and then sighed harshly. He leaned the heels of his palms wide on the counter’s ledge and nodded at me. “I know, Mavis.”

My insides turned cold, but there was no use fighting or running away. I lied to him in full consciousness, knowing that it would hurt my well-intentioned bartender and business partner that I am very fond of. I made my bed. I make many beds. Sometimes I have to lie in them.

So I sat down in my metaphorical bed, and lied some more.

I tucked my chin. “Know what?”

“Quit playin’ dumb, kid,” he sneered a bit. “And take off those damn shades. You’re not foolin’ anybody.”

I was genuinely confused. “I’m not wearing shades.”

I flinched as he reached over and, with a single motion, snatched away the aforementioned unusual darkness in the room. The lights hadn’t been dimmed. I had just been wearing shades without even noticing -- surely an embarrassingly amateur attempt at hiding my blue pupils from the public without use of my brush. If I know me, I’d say it was more for the walk to Tapper’s than the actual conversation with him. But I don’t think I would have taken them off before speaking to him, anyway. I think I felt worse about that than I did about actually lying to Tapper in the first place. At least the first time, I gave him enough credit to be a convincing liar. This was just stupid.

“Oh…” I blinked against the light. “‘Kay.”

Tapper leaned his elbow on the counter and squinted at me. Then, he sighed. “Yep. That’s what I thought. It’s dim, but it’s there. You couldn’t even wait for your eyes to fully fade before coming out to look for more.”

I caved. I took a deep breath through my nose, leaned on the counter and started munching out of a nearby bowl of pretzels. “So. How’d you find out?”

“Ralph told me.”

My pupils might have been blue, but I saw red. “He did what.”

“But he wouldn’t have had to, Mavis, with you showing up like this. The shades, the eyes, the-- the--” he looked at the portrait, grasping for words. “Whatever the hell this is.”

“Excuse me? That’s Fix-it Felix Jr., you dope!”

He just spun the paper around and showed it to me. It was not the image I remember drawing. It looked like it might have been a drawing of Fix-it once, but the lines all got drunk and staggered around the page in cliques. It looked like I drew it with my eyes closed.

“Wh…”

“It’s over, Mavis. I’m puttin’ this deal on hold.”

I can’t say I was surprised. But I was pretty disappointed. The deal had been a good one -- quick, convenient, and benefitting my favorite bar. But once it was over, my brain didn’t even give me time to be upset. It dove right into figuring out how to get my last hit by other means.

I was quiet for a minute, before popping a pretzel in my mouth. “On hold?”

“My walls still need to be filled. I still like working with you. I still like you, kid,” his eyes faded, “but I should never have given you credits, not right now. I should have known better than to think a promise would keep you clean. Now you’re out there getting high with the credits I gave you. I might as well put poison in your root beer.”

I didn’t know what to say. Nothing he said was untrue. I just looked at him severely, waiting for him to finish.

“Now, listen,” he pointed his index finger against the counter. “You go get help. You go get clean. You process all the stuff you gotta process. You give it time. A lot of time. Then, and only then, can we talk business again. I won’t singlehandedly fund your addiction, Mavis. I can’t be responsible for that.”

Something about that rubbed me the wrong way. I pointed a pretzel at him. “It’s not an addiction. I enjoy it, sure, but I don’t need it. I’m still me. I’ve still got full control of my brain.”

He didn’t look up from cleaning the counter. “Oh yeah?”

“Yeah, Tapper.”

“Then what the hell are you eating, kid?”

“Pretz--” I stopped dead. There was nothing in my hand. There was no bowl on the counter. It’s kind of funny to look back on, but at the time, I got a chill up my spine. It really was worse than I thought.

I suddenly felt I had to leave. I grabbed my crappy drawing and hopped from the stool. “Alright, well. It was fun while it lasted, Tapper. Seeya round.”

“Mavis.”

I stopped.

“You’re gonna have to swallow your pride. You need to get help. ‘Cause I want you to come back. And if you keep walkin’ down this road,” he paused. “You ain’t comin’ back.”

I just sighed through my nose and started walking. “Yeah, I’ve heard it before.”

Just when I thought he was done, he said loud enough for me to still hear, “What if you heard it from him? What would he say if he saw you like this?”

I’d spent all my lowest hours with a conflicting gratitude that you couldn’t.

I didn’t slow down. I just dragged a faint groan in the deepest part of my throat.

“He’s not the boss of me.”

I saw another flash of blue. Next thing I knew, I was stumbling a bit on bricks. I was in the dump back in my game, and there was an anxious anger boiling in my guts. Wreck-it had made one too many decisions for me. I decided I’d been far too kind to him, I’d shared too much with him. I had to share my feelings one last time. Ugly ones.

I climbed over a small peak, and I saw him. He saw me.

At once, we both yelled, “YOU!”

Then, “ME?!”

He barked, “You dirty little liar!”

I barked, “You big fat narc!”

We advanced on each other, while he growled, “I oughtta whip you across the map!”

“I oughtta stuff your throat with bricks! Why do you keep messing with my life?! It’s none of your Dev-damned business!”

“Oh, it became my business the second you lied to Tapper! I let you stay here just ‘cuz you didn’t want to be alone, I helped you get out there when you were too scared to go, I brought you to see someone who cared about you when you needed it, and what do you do?! You lie to his face so you can go get high! What’s WRONG with you?!”

We stopped just a bit outside of his arm’s reach. I wished so badly that I could fly, so I could float eye-level with him. Having to look up at him sucked.

“I didn’t WANT to go! I wasn’t READY! You dragged me out against my will -- what do you want in return, a freakin’ medal?!”

He gave a full-body eye roll. “No, I don’t want anything! I didn’t want anything! All I wanted was to help! And all you had to do was-- was NOT do exactly what you did! Easy!”

I seethed. “EASY?!”

“EASY!”

“I have not had,” I grit my teeth, “a second of ‘EASY’ since-- since--” I couldn’t even say it. “You have no idea of the things I’ve been through! You have no freakin’ idea what this is like!”

“Yeah! ‘Cause I’m not allowed to ask about it, remember?!”

“I can guarantee, I can bet my very pixels on it -- if you had to deal with even half of what I have, you’d be blubbering like a 650-pound baby!”

“643!” he spat. “At least I wouldn’t be spinning lies and stuffing my pixels with buffs like you, you little sewer rat!”

“Oh, ho, ho,” I laughed, “That’s just adorable. Buddy, let me tell you -- if you were in my shoes, you wouldn’t have even lasted this long. You’d have gotten us all unplugged.”

“Oh, gimme a break.”

“It’s true! You’d have gone and corrupted a long time ago! If you had to deal with HALF of what I have!”

An upset look sparked in his eye for a second, but he quickly countered, “No, see, that wouldn’t happen, because unlike you, I don’t make my own therapy with-- with--” he gestured sharply, “I’unno, substances.”

“Oh, I see. So, the fact that you go to Tapper’s every single night’s got nothin’ to do with that, huh?”

He clenched his fists. “Don’t even start. I go to Tapper’s because I like talkin’ to Tapper.”

“No, you’re nursing something,” I gave a sickly-sweet smile and took a half-step forward, and I saw his foot twitch back. “You’re drowning some sorrows. What are they, huh? You sad? You lonely? You want things you know you can’t have? You want to change things that can’t be changed?”

“No,” he growled.

“Yeah,” I nodded, knowing I’d struck emotional gold. “You feel trapped.”

“No,” he grit his teeth. “I don’t.”

“Yes, you do!” I laughed, just about ready to derail and completely unhinge. “Everyone does! Because, guess what? We are. All we do is chase things that make us feel like we’re not. And you know what the cheapest, most reliable escape is? Intoxicants.”

“Stop it.”

“So let’s just cut the crap,” I marched forward, and he shuffled back, “If you had nothing, absolutely nothing to bring you joy anymore other than your drink, and you had to lie to get it, you’d lie a million times! You wouldn’t even bother with Tapper if he didn’t pour out your sweet medicine so you can lap it up like the thirsty boozehound you are!”

I just barely dodged his fist.

He roared and slammed his huge meaty cudgels again and again, and I weaved and jumped and slipped out of the way. It was almost the same routine as ever, but his rage was like nothing I’d seen in him before. I grabbed a brick and sprung up to crack it on his head -- I succeeded, but pain stabbed into my brain when I tried to launch from his shoulders. I tumbled against his arm and spilled down onto the bricks. I tried to push up, but the pain in my head held me down. The binary in my eyes crackled away just in time for me to see him standing over me, both fists raised, fire in his eyes.

I just closed my eyes and braced for impact.

It didn’t come. When I looked again, his arms were down, and he was checking me over in a distasteful sort of way, like I was a machine that mysteriously stopped working. I guess he was disturbed to see my usually impressive acrobatics reduced to... that. His chest heaved with anger, but he was clearly pulling the reins.

“Look,” he said quietly, raising his index finger, “let me make one thing perfectly clear: I told Tapper… for Tapper. I brought you out to see Tapper… for Tapper. I like Tapper. I wanted to help him. And I wanted you outta my home. ‘Cause you and I,” he gestured between us, “are not friends. I didn’t even want to get mixed up with you in the first place, and I shouldn’t have. ‘Cause clearly, I wasted my time. You don’t wanna get better. You just wanna keep using everyone, right? You love that. Especially now that everyone feels sorry for you. They think you’re some kinda… kinda tragic poster child for addiction. Well, guess what? I don’t. I think you’re a shady lil’ double-crosser who has no problem taking advantage of sprites who love her. And then you act like you only did what anyone else would have done. Like everyone shares your crappy worldview, or whatever. Listen -- yeah, I do drink when I go to Tapper’s. But, newsflash, not every sprite who drinks is as miserable as you are.”

He kicked a splash of bricks over me, and they hit like a barrage of punches. Then he turned to leave me lying there, calling back as he disappeared over a rise: “Now get out of my home. And stay out.”

I didn’t. Not right away. I just stayed there, lying against the bricks, waiting for my headache and the pain of the brick shower to fade. And, I’ll admit, I felt like crap. Not for what I’d done, exactly. Just for where I was. How I’d gotten there. What drove me to that point. What I was like before all this. Wreck-it was right about one thing: I was miserable. But I wasn’t always.

There were nights where my nonexistent sleeping schedule would keep me awake while you slept. I’d lie there remembering my first nights in the woods, with the sharp grass and the cold baths and newfound loneliness. And then I’d look at where I ended up, safe in a soft bed kept toasty warm by the relentless heat of your body next to me. And I’d just feel so happy over how far I’d come.

The cold, hard bricks under my bruised body were a far cry from where I’d been with you.

For a while, I lied there alone, trying so hard to banish thoughts of those nights from my head. They were so far above me by then. I didn’t want to look up and see how far I’d fallen.

After a decent wait, the pain in my head clenched enough to flash me down to the bottom of the bricks. I wasn’t sure if I lost time or just warped. A second later, I flashed into Game Central.

It wasn’t remarkably busy. The atmosphere felt pretty safe, relative to how it had been. For the first time in a while, it felt safer than my game. So I wandered aimlessly. I sat on the benches, I paced, I watched one of those weird dragons from Joust fly by and wished I could chase it. My brain just flooded with nagging thoughts of how I would obtain that last hit of GC. They grew more insistent by the hour, but I was mostly coming up short. Normally, I would hunt the buffs down myself, but I didn’t feel ready to venture into other games again, not other than for meeting my one dealer. But I had nothing to offer her anymore. I was stuck. As my body began to shake, withdrawal approaching fast, I knew I had to come up with something quick.

So many times, I’d lose a chunk of time and find myself sitting on a bench in front of where your game used to be, staring down the dead, black hall. I’m not entirely sure why. I obsessed over the emptiness of it. The wrongness. It hurt so badly to look, but you know when you get a tooth knocked out and your tongue won’t stop running over the empty spot, even though it just makes you bleed more? It was kind of like that.

I could see wandering sprites looking at me. Of course they did. They didn’t like what they saw, either -- supposed accomplice of mass murder looking at where the murderer himself used to live? Definitely drew some glances. Most were just morbidly curious, it seemed, as if waiting for me to lose it. Others glared and shook their heads, making angry gestures in conversation with their friends. But the last category really caught my eye. A good amount of them showed anxiety. Some watched, wide-eyed. Some exchanged worried whispers. Some even tried to hurry off to their games inconspicuously. At first, I marveled at how stupid they all were. I wondered what it would take to get it through their thick heads that I genuinely had no interest in hurting anyone. I wondered if it would even be worth the headache. But then, something dawned on me.

I’ve always been a master at working with what I’ve got. If I couldn’t soothe their fear, I could at least make it work for me.

#fanfiction #fanfic #wreck it ralph #make it mavis #original character #homesick

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artificialqueens · 5 years ago

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papa don't preach. (jackie/gigi) — roza

a seven part story where each chapter details a different relationship with jackie based solely on the song correlated to their individual madonna rusical verses.

summary: the year is 1989 and gigi is in love but can't do a damn thing about it. it seems that everything including time is working against her and jackie. [ verse three: papa don't preach ]

author's note: this will probably be my favourite chapter I write because besides nackie I feel like this ship has become some what of a brand for me and I'm glad since I've shipped them since episode one. thank you jankie candle gc for support always.

My Tumblr: @leljaaa / AO3 Link / ( ꈍᴗꈍ)

*.✧

"You coming to the party tonight?"

Gigi turned, closing her locker as she let out a simple huff.

The blonde hated parties.

It seemed a bit strange for the head cheerleader to be so opposed to the pinnacle of what high school popularity was measured. Gigi hummed as she licked the small bit of lipstick stuck to her teeth as she pulled back her long hair.

"Probably not," she said simply as she grinned seeing her best friend

Crystal groaned, rubbing against her shoulder trying to convince the cheerleader to finally let loose and have some fun. The high school seniors walking down the hallways. She knew that unassertive look from anywhere after a decade of friendship.

"It's gonna be so fun all of the cheer team and some of my girls will be there," her best friend began with a wide smile creeping across her lips as she spoke excitedly at the sentiment that she was beginning to finally be invited to parties their last year of high school.

"If you wanna experience what these parties are like just get two cheap, gas station bottles of Vodka and some snow from down the block."

The redhead hit her shoulders as Gigi gasped, "You're acting like I'm lying! These parties are just excuses for the jocks to up their body count and for everyone to get blackout wasted and wear sunglasses to school the next day."

Alcohol and drugs were fun the first two times until everyone around you turned against you and was in their own psychedelic ward blasting Chaka Khan and AC/DC over their parent's home radio.

"Your boyfriend is gonna be there you know!"

Gigi gnawed at the inside of her cheeks, crossing her arms as they walked towards the parking lot, skipping their last period pottery class together in favour of getting soda from the nearby gas station and sharing a cigarette.

This boyfriend Gigi had was quite interesting.

It was the stereotypical, cutesy head cheerleader with the stunning quarterback that every school and every movie seemed to eat up.

He was decent at best and they were only really together because Gigi was far too afraid to break up with him considering her current situation.

He was cheating. She knew it, she knew for months but still would smile blissfully when he'd come to say hello in the morning or kiss her by Crystal's locker. She saw all of the guilty looks that the other cheerleaders or the side eyes from some of the art students.

She knew.

"I love you ," was something the blonde never heard and she hoped she never would because they both knew in the back of their heads this was purely a mental picture to last the rest of the year and not a relationship.

"I already said no, I told him that Jackie is helping me study for that stupid math exam next week."

Crystal rolled her eyes.

Gigi and Jackie had been seeing each other almost everyday after school for almost three months. She never questioned a single about it, there was no way Gigi would ever be with a woman considering how important her popularity and status at school was to her.

Jackie was extremely sweet and Crystal always enjoyed coming over and seeing Gigi so genuinely happy and glad to have the two of them together.

The Persian was the perfect student every parent dreamed of though from what Jackie explained it was just what every Middle Eastern mother expected.

Debate captain, immaculate grades, student body president two years in a row and extremely passionate. Crystal always felt awful seeing how hard she had to defend herself against all the racist jocks who thought calling her slurs and telling her to go back to Iran was funny.

"I'm from Canada you genius," she'd reply cooly before walking off completely unbothered.

"My mom didn't come to America as a refugee just for me to get offended by some fucking jock." Jackie was truly badass and full of stories.

Crystal could tell that Gigi agreed if the two even with them being complete opposites were so well put together.

"Well, have fun studying," Crystal replied sweetly as always before they managed to slip past the teachers and get into Gigi's black BMW.

Oh we will.

— *.✧

Studying. Studying with Jackie.

"Fucking christ," Gigi moaned as she tightly tugged at Jackie's hair feeling her partner's lips beginning to slip down to her bare stomach.

Well that was a lie.

Three months. Gigi couldn't possibly judge every story and rumour she heard of her boyfriend having sex with other girls at school when not only was the blonde doing the exact same thing but she was doing it with a woman .

Doing this routine with Jackie almost every single night because their parents were almost always gone for work or had late night shifts worked out wonderfully since her mother wanted her to have company while they were traveling constantly.

"Of course your friend can sleep over!"

Friend.

It was 1989. The AIDS crisis horrified everyone even those who hadn't been affected and being out and proud and waving her flag around was not a good idea. It was the worst idea.

Jackie, who was probably the most tolerant person she had ever met, was also scared to come out for multiple reasons though she sighted her cultural background as the main issue.

Gigi didn't even dare make a reference to it with her father still finding it funny to say slurs in her house and out in public shitting on his own masculinity. She'd be a dead girl walking if any of this ever got out.

But god kissing Jackie was ethereal.

"You're beautiful Gigi," she whispered as their lips met for the third time, both of them completely in heaven as they made out on her bed with both of their shirts already discarded on the floor.

"This was so much better than any party," she whispered against her skin as she caressed Jackie's cheek with her thumb. Gigi biting down on her lip as she held back a moan feeling the Persian bite down on her neck.

She was intoxicated every minute they had sex, every time they'd sneak out at lunch or from their individual activities at school and make out in Gigi's car with the air conditioning and radio blasting.

Boys were completely and utterly overrated.

Having sex with a woman was liberating despite the time period they were living through.

It was beautiful, it was the most intimate thing Gigi would ever experience and it only helped that Jackie was the most attractive woman she'd ever laid eyes on.

No one would ever compare to those dark brown eyes and the long, curly black hair that fell all the way down to her hips.

That soft smile and chuckle whenever Gigi would hold her hand or kiss her cheeks while they made out or shared a cigarette in her car.

Every hiss, moan, breath—everything about Jackie was utterly irresistible.

"You're heaven," Gigi breathed out panting as their lips parted, Jackie gently slipped off her lover's skirt as the two of them continued to kiss.

I'm in some deep trouble with this.

"How's your boyfriend," Jackie giggled against her earlobe as Gigi gasped, surprised that the Persian would even make a shady comment especially regarding her relationship status.

It was an odd turn on.

"That was shady," she breathed out with a moan feeling herself completely melt in the warmth building around their bodies. "He's at the party that I refused to go to."

Jackie gave a firm nod before opening her mouth to speak again, "You ever going to actually break up with that prick?" She asked quietly with their hands mangled in each other's hair.

Gigi rolled her eyes, not wanting to think about her stupid boy toy when she had Jackie about to frivolously pound her in the ground for the fourth night in a row.

"Gigi?"

She definitely seemed a bit pushy on the subject of her cheating though Gigi grabbed her wrists and kissed her hard. Jackie couldn't be mad they were kissing again even if it was absolutely a cheap stunt to shut her up.

We're not talking about this right now. The message was loud and clear to the Persian who decided to drop all mentions if it for now.

Fine. You win.

— *.✧

Gigi dragged long on her cigarette, puffing out the smoke as Jackie opened her bedroom window coughing. "This is a daily occurrence I'm noticing, do you always smoke after sex?"

The blonde stared at her lover who was still completely nude, the senior hummed along to the Madonna single that played in the background from her glittery, pink radio.

"If you're gonna stare at me you shouldn't make it so obvious you know," she spoke with a smirk across her lips as she turned towards Gigi who flushed. Jackie pulled the covers over herself as she let her head rest on the blonde's chest.

They closed their eyes and sang along quietly to the music that bounced around the walls of her bedroom as the Persian took a heavy breath.

"I'm in love with you Gigi…."

Gigi crushed her cigarette in the ashtray right on her table, frantically panicking on how exactly to explain that the idea of them being any more open was an awful idea.

"Jackie…"

"I know, I know, I'm ridiculous and out of mind for ever thinking that you'd love me back and would ever be out and proud with me," Jackie began before the shorter woman held her hands on her shoulders, kissing her so she'd stop talking once again.

The Persian chuckled admitting that it was a pretty effective method.

"Loving you is easy Jackie, accepting it is the hard part," Gigi admitted with silence building in the air as she continued on about how right now wasn't the time for them to be open and how everything was working against their favour and their life.

"I know."

"I know you know it's just—" Gigi shrugged, getting angrier and angrier that they even had to be forced to keep their love a secret as if they were Romeo and Juliet or some star crossed lover bullshit she had read in her literature class from junior year.

"I love you but I can't break up with anyone now, everyone knows we're friends and Crystal is already suspicious of everything we do."

"Crystal would never call us out, she's not one to talk either when she and Jaida make out after every guard practice," Jackie laughed admitting something that Gigi sure hadn't known about her best friend.

"Wait, she what?!"

"My lips are sealed, Jaida is my best friend and my secretary." The Persian laughed as she stuck her tongue out, Gigi immediately wrapping her arms around her and locking lips.

That's definitely going to be a phone call with Crystal later.

Euphoric.

"You still taste like cigarettes," Jackie coughed dramatically before Gigi pressed a finger to her lips with a suggestive grin, admitting that Jackie still tasted like everything that had happened in the last ten minutes.

"You're much more erotic than I expected."

"I know, I'm truly incredible baby."

Half an hour passed before Jackie began to drift away and sleep, the two of them making sure to at least put some clothes on in case her mother was to randomly come home.

Gigi sighed, not being able to fall asleep as easy as her lover.

Everything in Jackie's life was planned out: she had every credit, every club, every possible letter of recommendation and was just waiting to get those acceptance letters to Havard or Stanford or some elite college to go and study Political Science.

Gigi was a head cheerleader, barely passing her classes and enjoying life on a whim.

She'd never wanted something or someone for that matter so badly, so purely. This felt like some kind of high school romance that was supposed to burn out in a month or two.

I want Jackie forever.

Shit.

— *.✧

"You doing alright?" Crystal asked the next morning as Gigi nodded, wearing a longer dress than usual to mask all the hickies and bruises that had shown up over night from Jackie's consistent biting.

"How was the party?"

The guard captain sighed, admitting it was just a lot of pills, marijuana and cheap alcohol. She sounded even more upset about the fact that everyone there was almost exclusively a jock or the freshmen who were related to them.

"Told you we could've just done drugs in my car."

Crystal slapped her shoulder as the two of them passed Jackie who gave a wave and said good morning to the both of them before giving Gigi a distinct stare.

The blonde giggled to herself knowing exactly what that stare meant. It had become an entire language with dozens of codes and fabrication written underneath the staring and glances.

Your car. Five minutes.

"I'll talk to you later," she yelled as she took a detour down the staircase as Crystal was left standing, utterly confused.

"Okay?"

It indeed took only five minutes for Gigi to run past all of her fellow cheer team in the locker room, say hello and make another sharp turn out the door before exploring the parking lot trying to remember where she had even parked her car this morning.

Gigi unlocked the car immediately upon seeing Jackie already leaning up against the passenger side door.

"In the car," were the only words that left her lips as Jackie followed her instructions with subtle glances to make sure no one was watching them as Gigi locked the door and immediately threw her keys to the backseat, grabbing Jackie by her collar and kissing her heavily.

There wasn't much time to respond but once again the cacophony of voices in her head yelling how wrong it was seemed to completely disintegrate the moment they began to kiss.

"Someone's in a mood," Jackie said breathlessly as they seperated, falling back into the seats as Gigi adjusted her top, trying not to wrinkle it too much.

"You're the one who wanted to meet me!"

"I didn't want to make out with you!"

The blonde cocked a brow, crossing her arms as she turned down the radio and let Jackie have her turn on the soapbox.

"Go ahead," Gigi grinned, completely interested with what Jackie possibly would want to speak about. "You have my full attention baby."

The Persian sighed as she lifted up her shirt, Gigi completely flustered at first thinking that they were actually about to attempt intercourse in the front seat of her BMW though it was completely different than what she expected.

She gasped seeing the various marks across her stomach and hip, her finger gently dragging past them in horror.

This certainly wasn't from them sleeping together last night, it looked far too painful and too new of a wound.

"Guess who Gigi."

Gigi shook her head furiously, refusing to believe her boyfriend was that much of an asshole. "He didn't," the blonde mumbled completely in awe.

"He did. Jaida sent him packing though, him and his stupid friend. She ran after them for a solid hallway or two."

I missed all of this because I decided to skip first and second period to get coffee.

"What even happened?"

Jackie looked at her, frowning as she still managed to keep her composure undeniably well. "Gigi I think it's now a bit too suspicious that you're skipping parties in favour to get good grades on tests."

"But it's a valid excuse!"

"Almost every day for three months?"

"It's good sex!" Gigi blurted out not knowing what else to say in response to her partner.

Jackie adjusted her shirt as she spoke seriously, trying to make sure that Gigi knew that this entire relationship was a stalemate.

"Either we need to be twice as secretive so no one else gets suspicious or has any more violent ideas or we need to stop completely Gigi."

The blonde held her hand tightly, whispering how badly she needed Jackie in her life and how badly she was going to beat up her boyfriend after this conversation was over.

"Gigi, be smart about this, do not try to rope your emotions into this conversation," Jackie snapped, Gigi immediately looking taken a back as she silently sat against the driver seat letting the Persian finish.

"I love you badly Gigi, I've never loved anyone so much in my life and probably never will but let's be smart about this for a minute. We're seniors, we're both graduating and have completely different paths planned."

Jackie took a breath, "Are you willing to be with me despite the fact everything for people like us right now is utterly awful?"

Gigi nodded, not even taking two seconds to think about the answer to that question.

"I want you and only you."

"Promise?" Jackie held out her pinky, Gigi snickered though the Persian seemed completely adamant about the gesture.

"I promise."

— *.✧

Promises are a curse.

Of course the minute they promised to make it work it all fell apart.

There's only so many nights and weeks they could've gone without being caught.

One stupid night lead to lots of whiskey, a few cigarettes, their clothes off and more sex expect this time her father was home.

Shit.

Gigi wasn't sure what to expect besides Jackie being almost thrown out of her window and the blonde having to watch the entire thing play out before her.

Tears, a lot of them as her father was screaming and completely shattered at the fact his only daughter was attracted to women.

Being an awful human being or failing school were not on top of the "things to be disappointed in" pyramid of life. Nope, it was instead that she was in love with another woman.

"If you saw how she treated me you'd give me every blessing you had and an apology," was the only thing Gigi muttered at the table the next day. Her hair still messy, her father beyond the realm of anger and her car keys taken away of course.

They agreed to not speak to her mother about this. This was purely a one time thing and a mistake her father convinced her.

"Can't you see that times are changing?" Gigi yelled, slamming her glass down so firmly she was shocked it didn't shatter on impact. "Is it because she's Iranian? Is it because you don't want me to be gay and hurt and outcasted by the world?"

No answer.

"You're too young to understand."

"I am about to go to college, I know exactly what I'm saying."

Gigi had never felt such a cold and depressing tension hanging above the air. She ate the rest of her breakfast in silence before attempting to call Crystal and explain what had happened when her father was out of sight and in their backyard.

"We're in love Crystal, this isn't just some stupid movie fantasy," she attempted to explain through tears as her best friend offered to come over or atleast give her a ride to Jackie's apartment.

"Leave in ten minutes, I'll meet you outside."

— *.✧

Back to square one they were.

The crying and emotional reaction was enough to tug at Jackie's heart and let her stay the night and for them to have sex again.

Now instead of her house all night it was all about rigorous planning and trying to make sure that them being together didn't circulate around school the final months they had together.

Absolutely no hanging out in school, no more glances, no more sneaking to football games just to see Gigi and make out behind the bleachers; it was a sacrifice but was well worth it for safety.

No boyfriend was the only positive outcome of this entire mess.

"You ever wanna run away?"

Jackie cocked a brow, looking ridiculously worried toward the statement the minute it left Gigi's mouth. Their fingers tangled in each other's hair as they had been laying in Jackie's bed the entire morning, fully clothed but completely horny.

"Is this a question or a proposal?"

Gigi sat up on the bed, running a hand through her own hair as she sighed heavily wondering if this was even a concept worth exploring.

"What if we just run away Jackie?"

The Persian already up and sitting next to her, rubbing her shoulders as she spoke about her plan and how she had dreamt of it last night.

"We never have to hear our parents whining or bitching about our relationship, we can be open, we can have a life together—" Jackie shook her head in desperation.

"No… Gigi, please think about this."

"It's almost the year 1990! Things will start changing Jackie, I just want to be with you and love you and not be afraid to shout it in the streets," the blonde began to go off on another rant as Jackie returned the sentiment by kissing her lips, making sure she'd stop talking for a minute or two.

"That's not fair, you stole my method."

The Persian cackled, pressing her lips to her forehead, completely amused as they decided to drop the conversation and instead get up to eat and try to get Gigi's mind off of this entire idea and situation laid out before her.

"We'll figure it out when the time comes."

— *.✧

Time.

There's not enough time .

There never will be. Life was truly just one giant hourglass filled with sand and expectations.

Sitting at an almost three hour long graduation was absolutely a waste.

Gigi is utterly hypnotized as her eyes only stare up at Jackie giving a final speech as valedictorian of the senior graduating class.

It's beautiful to watch, truthfully.

To see Jackie completely telling her story to so many parents and students, some of which had consistently harassed her and wished she'd been beat up harder by Gigi's ex boyfriend.

Her words were smooth and crisp and she had the ability to truly make anyone cry and deliver a message, to reconsider arranging their entire life around and starting fresh and clean.

It was powerful.

Crystal was in mopping sobs the minute Jackie even started and she only got louder and louder as the speech went on, Jaida and Gigi holding her hand on each side trying to calm her down.

"Please stop crying," Gigi grinded through her teeth as she adjusted her cap and gown.

Occasionally Gigi's eyes would water but all in all it was a beautiful speech, the only one the blonde would ever want to listen and analyze.

I could write an entire thesis on her.

And her thighs.

They clapped before she stepped down, shaking hands with the principal as she walked back to her seat, she strolled past the blonde quickly giving a loving glance towards her direction.

Crystal was completely broken the minute they tossed their hats in the air and the entire room burst into cheers, Gigi screamed in happiness once she realized that everything about high school was over and done for.

I managed to survive senior year.

Jaida, Crystal and Gigi all headed for the bleachers knowing that there had to be one last smoke and one last cheer to the three of them who had become extremely close once Gigi's best friend decided to live her life truthfully and admit she had been seeing Jaida for almost a month.

"Am I allowed to join in?" A familiar voice commented softly as they sat at the top step of the bleachers, looking out at the sunset and the view of their high school one last time.

Jaida laughed, cheering for her friend and their senior president as Gigi smiled and nodded. Her feet gently tapping the bleacher space right next to her that could be filled up.

"Absolutely," Gigi spoke with a grin as Jackie took off her cap and heels, walking barefooted across the dirty, old steps with not a single care in the world.

Gigi was impressed.

The minute the stars started to come out was when Jaida and Crystal realized they had to leave, wishing them a goodbye as they hugged with not a single tear shed knowing tomorrow they would all celebrate at Jaida's house.

Jackie and Gigi were left. Alone.

Two women, making out under the night sky attempting not to lose balance on the creaky bleachers as they kissed in public even if nobody was watching.

How romantic.

"You're perfect," Gigi spoke in fragments as they kissed, Jackie taking in all of the blonde she could before she had to move away to the east coast and go to Havard.

This couldn't possibly be the end of the story.

Jackie wasn't going to let their last moments be them sobbing and making out on their high school bleacher after everything they had gone through together.

"Runaway with me? Come to Massachusetts?"

The question.

Gigi felt like she couldn't breathe the minute Jackie suggested it. It felt like a stranger fever dream she wanted every part of.

"Are you serious or just joking around?"

"Serious. You run for the hills with me tomorrow after we see Jaida and Crystal."

Gigi's lips curled into a smile as she wrapped her arms around her lover's waist with a firm nod of the head.

"Absolutely."

#rpdr fanfiction #jackie cox #gigi goode #crystal methyd #jaida essence hall #gigi x jackie #crystal x jaida #lesbian au #high school au #s12 #implied sex #madonna verse series #roza #tw drug and alcohol mentions

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meyhew · 5 years ago

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hi hello 2019 is ending and many people have done these so i’m gonna hop in on it before i lose my chance 🤪 this year really tried us all (this DAY alone tried me bro a 15 hrs work shift is hell) but #we made it and im just gonna take a moment to appreciate some people i love 💗 (this post took 24+ hrs to make pls bear with me its very long. like Very long)

mert: @tpwkjmn @onedirectionwho @bipetermj @icarusfals @girlalmightys. u all know how much u mean to me and how much i’ve relied on all of you. a lot of shit got thrown our way this year and we’ve had many many lows this year but we also had our good moments and i love u all for being who u are and sticking by me through it all. it’s only been two years but feels like i’ve known u much longer than that.

@queereightiesheartthrob — i know ur not in the fandom anymore and all this is fake but honestly i can’t make one of these without you. half my sanity (aka whatever is left of it) depends on u and i’ve no idea what i’d do without u and i dont wanna know. i can’t WAIT to see you next year and see harry with you and go around nyc with you or crash at my friend’s place in boston or whatever the hell we wanna do. a city girl and a farm girl, its gonna be the most amazing time and i can’t wait for it

@iconichalo — well. hello. i love u but it’s conditional... send me a glitter bomb and im taking back all the love i’ve given u and have stored for the future. thanks for staying up and keeping me company so so many nights i love those special calls

@emohl — ma’am i adore you. u are so very intelligent and creative, whether it’s fandom related or something much bigger. contrary to what most people might think, you’re so funny and so silly, but you’re also an incredible friend and anyone would be lucky to have you. i’m very grateful for all the knowledge you’ve bestowed upon me so far.

@sunflowrsix — you so easily made a place for yourself in my heart. thank u for being lyab’s biggest fan and shaping her into what she is now (and will be when she’s finished). my words and characters and stories are all yours and there’s no one i’d rather share them with

bve: @astrolouis @kissyhl @stangolden @velvetsau @cheerleaderharry. u guys are... one of the greatest joys in life. i’ve told yall stuff i’d never share here and i’ve never felt judged for it bc hey we’re all Intellectuals and we all agree. some of u have a tiktok addiction and i love it bc sometimes they make me laugh. i love the weird pointless hours long calls where sometimes i fall asleep and other times i stay silent and just do my work mwah love u all. merry christmas

dnd: @emohl @tattooedlovers @sunflowrsix @kissyhl @emohl @ltyear @canyonemoon @onmeown @phoenixvinyl @louislegend @curlyhairedprince @queersue @tomlinsun @givemewalls @sunflowrlouis. this chat was made for the most bonkers reason - gio was tired of being the messenger between me and her friends who were scared of me (ahem. u know u who are) and im so glad she made it bc :’) i adore u lot and im so glad you’re in my life. truly some of the best people i’ve met in this fandom

my lovely friends at @stylesupdated. @emohl @finelinee @ltyear @louislive @finelinebyhs @finelinee @tpwkjmn @curlyhairedprince despite all the bickering that goes on behind the scenes, we’re still the best team in the world and i’m proud of how far this blog has come in such a short amount of time. you’re all such talented and dedicated people, and such amazing friends, and i couldn’t be happier to be part of anything. love u all

the hello gc — delicious. lovely. love u

@roguecurls — thank u for being the sweetest person. all the luck you had this month was simply the result of your good deeds and your good karma. wish the world had more people like you bc we truly would do so much better off with even just one more person like you around. i’m so glad to have u in my life.

@haznlou — boy we’ve had our ups and downs this year, havent we? this 2019 bitch realllyyy tried us but we’re still here babey. i’m really proud of u and what you’ve done for yourself this year, and i’ve told u all that before, but i still wanna say one more time bc its all true. it was one of the most difficult decisions to make and you did it and i love that for u and i love all the good things that have happened to u bc of it and u deserve all of it

@kindofsharethat — legend. thank u for blessing us every time u decide to log in here and thank u for making me laugh. i fully believe you’re one of the reason this fandom hasn’t gone fully off the rails yet

@caparius — my taurus twinny buddy.. i know half this fandom has something against you but i love talking to u and just immediately clicking and getting each other about pretty much everything. i love love love hearing u talk about the stars or photography or anything else ur sexie brain comes up with i truly truly love ur presence in the fandom and am so grateful for it in my life

@cuddlerlouis @styleandsin @finelinee @hlsource @alinok @half-lightl @knightchanges @itsastorm @lordtomlinson @angelharry — thank u thank u thank u thank u thank u for some of the favorite content of my favorite people. i honestly truly appreciate all ur creativity so so much and my dash certainly would not be as fun as it is now if it weren’t for all of u

and all my other friends: @heyangel @halosboat @dfferentstages @shinesobrightsometimes @prettygfharry @kindathoughtprovoking @goldbootsandvans @wrappeditmyslf @rosepetallarrie @rosegoldharreh @girasolvol6 @march-z5 @lovedangel @louisandthedagger @froggystyles @minthalo @adoreyouhalsey @nauticalleeds @ot4vinyl @chaoticsue @gremlinharry @twentybiqueen @actionlou @hohohoendthishit91 @wallsau @reindeerliam @lirry @liamlm @enbyliam @goldencerise @thepeacering @theparisinterview @babyy-honey @babyy-honey @wallstermelon @dystopianharry @nneiljostenn @oceaneyes @louissinginghome @stormtrooperharry @eightiesau @lovelylarrie @fireproofs @avocadolouie @avocadotommo @niallerer @chrrykissy @sandiazucar @wlwmermald @warmvinyl @jimmytfallon @louiswatermelonboy @styleandsin @psyeche @darkrainbowlouis

whether i’ve tagged you in this or whether i’ve managed to fuck it up and forgot — if you’ve crossed paths with me and it was a pleasant interaction (even if it was anonymously) — i really appreciate you. thank u everyone for everything. it’s nice to be nice 💗

#this is... way way WAY too long im sorry #and i know some of u tagged me in stuff like this and i havent had a chance to do anything about it yet #i got pulled into work all fucking day and just got access to my laptop #and wanted to finish this up and send it out before we move into the new year #thanks for sticking around for however long you've been in my life #ff

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unproduciblesmackdown · 4 years ago

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another prompt saga

April 8th: Talk about friendship. How important are friends to you? Do you find it hard to make and maintain friendships? Are your friends generally supportive? Is there anything about having friends that confuses you?

another big question for me to go on plenty of tangents lol

well i haven't often had friends Really, there's like, being amicable with classmates, being friends with people While We're At School Together, being friendly acquaintances lmfao, or like, the occasional "yeah ig we're sort of friends, not exactly very close tho" lol and then rarely where yeah i'd call someone a close friend, although naturally, it's not like i completely discount those other, less close relationships. and, even more so, not like overall i'm like "oh friendship? yeah that's pretty frivolous and unimportant and it's just something mildly entertaining vs the Real Shit & True Emotional Support & Love of your biological family and romantic soulmate" lol, Friends Are Important and it's entirely serious 2 me

also natch i Do find it hard to make and maintain friendships lol. goes back to like, preschool and being around a bunch of age peers regularly for the first time, where my "best friend" defaulted to this one person who sought out interacting with me when i was otherwise doing my own thing during preschool recess, and i was pretty enthused about getting invited to a bday party one kid invited a bunch of us to, because that was like, a Friend thing, and a fun social thing, and i was included.....that i Do remember just feeling like, socially, everyone else was playing a game i didn't know the rules to and so couldn't expect to participate and, furthermore, i ought to stay out of the way of whatever everyone else was doing, where i Did often choose to do stuff by myself, but it's like, you know, the way "autistic" is even used figuratively (which. i have a lot of disdain for) because it's like oh the defining thing really is that telltale "doesn't want to interact with other people or form relationships, probably because also they have no feelings / normal and intrinsic qualities of Humanity" but it's like, if you pay any attention or god forbid ask autistic people about their own experiences, sure everyone has their own varying social approach and anyone might not always be raring to be the center of the party or Not want to do their own thing, but it's not that oh all autistic people aren't interested in social connection, but that like even when you are a small child it's like, oh all these other kids are interacting in this way that isn't really my social style and that shuts me out, and/or attempting to interact with people results in this even subtle, quiet rejection / exclusion that can be picked up on. i wasn't making friends and was often keeping to myself / keeping my head down as it were, but it wasn't because i didn't want to have friends or socialize. my mom was insistent i was a Shy Child lmao and i'd always argue that i wasn't Really, without further explanation though lmao, but it's like, again that i felt that sort of emergent exclusion, and there wasn't any space to interact much on my terms at all, and like, yeah i often stayed quiet / didn't want to mingle with other kids / if i was in a Situation i wanted to know the How To of navigating it / what to expect

being friends with people at school was fine, except the drawbacks of stuff like "we're only interacting at school, rarely hanging out outside of that" & "someone in the same grade is in a diff class in elementary school so we just never see each other now" & "for some reason that 2nd grade teacher made a whole giant Example out of me and a friend, god forbid, not paying attention or whatever the fuck, so now i feel like we can't interact at all anymore" & "changing schools entirely between elementary / middle / college" & "not being in school" lmao similar to work friends too, we're At Work, might not see each other outside of that, might change jobs & stop seeing each other, & still overall rare, b/c the Preschool Experience never Really stopped imo, had different versions of it even into college and like, being at jobs with other adults lmao, socializing is still Like That, came up with the Je Ne Hate Quoi where like, people kind of just Know to exclude you / consider you an exception to whatever other social stuff is going on.

and then like, the difficulties even when socializing / interactions Are happening, where like, it's always funny like. i'm very Verbose / Chatty and very opinionated but like, this will surprise people, that i Talk actually and have a ton of takes, b/c i was keeping to myself / not sharing that with them and so it's like well, that must of course be the realest version of me, no way i was filtering myself, i just must have Not Wanted to talk, and/or had nothing to say & hence no thoughts or feelings i might wanna share lol, of course....and tbh like, it sure Can be true that i don't wanna talk lmao like. i wanna talk About Stuff that isn't really "personal" generally, which can be like, yeah i wanna talk about this book, or about birds, or about this trivia topic, or whatever, whereas idk so much how to do like small talk about your day or otherwise share Casual things about Yourself, like, idk, being aware my interests are things about Myself but also aware that it's Weird / wasn't the kind of stuff you were supposed to talk about, and i felt that things about my life were otherwise Not The Right Stuff, or too boring (never hanging out, not doing much except being at home reading / doing shit by myself or w/siblings) or too Unfun (able to pick up the sense that At Home Shittiness was a private matter lol......) and it'd be like, idk what to say, things about myself don't seem to fit..........but also it can be that i do not enjoy the Vibe of an interaction lmfaoooo like, i truly do not want to talk to you people. like that i can sometimes vibe with someone inebriated people better lmfao because then, idk, they have some sense of humor and can muster some enthusiasm for anything, but also i'm not really a fan of knowing that someone isn't sober lmfao like. ppl will be like "omg were you drunk" like no, that was just my personality, whereas i am not Heartened to know other ppl Will have to have been drunk to get on my level, for example, don't understand when people cannot muster being even a little silly. it's goofaround hours. but then you have like, being around a bunch of cishet people when they're drunk, and their humor is as nonexistent and boring as ever but they're even louder / more insistent about it, nightmare. and, yknow, just people talking and i'm like "i'm not interested in this at all, whether re: conversational Style or Subject, i would not want to participate" and times when it's like. i know if i was gonna chime in with what i Would say you would not be able to handle me here lmfaoooo so. i truly would prefer examining the wall and thinking about my own shit or texting with someone i do like talking with

but that yknow, in groups / conversations i would be at least someone interested in, i can still be like, idk, Hesitant To Talk b/c of all the instances you've been taught like oh you're socializing Wrong and everyone hated that, sorta like the post about making a comment about salsa that brings the gc to a halt and you're wondering how you fucked up and if salsa killed someone's parents and forgot or whatever, i've been Disheartened re: hanging out when it's like, well, nice to be included, but i'm a friendship third wheel here, not being included in the entire convo and nobody misses it, there's been instances where it's like, two people talking, i chime in, i am completely ignored multiple times, this is frustrating lmao. or there's been times i've tried to put myself out there in a way, like yeah sure i'll hang out with this group, but also i'm anxious and it's like, if people are doing homework i'm also bringing this thing i'm working on as this parallel task, only to find out down the line like people then regarded you as a joke or something b/c it was Rude or Wrong when you know, actually that was you reading some weird shit that didn't exist into the situation, and just like, idk it's wild how people will have like "graciously" declined to express something to your face, and you either can pick up on shit at the time but not be able to say anything which just reads to people like "oh they didn't notice this / that means you can push it a little further next time even" or like, figure out later that something that seemed positive or decent actually ft. people not liking you / not wanting to include you Yet Again, and as a bonus you're left with you know, having to always worry about if people Seemingly being amicable & accepting is actually them wishing you weren't there or solidifying some Interpretations of you that they're then gonna Talk About or Act On behind the scenes, like, beautiful thank you, always very touching, so glad you were so Considerate of someone's feelings and Nice about this where it just ends up being this whole letdown / feeling like even more of a rejection if there was this weird like stringing along lmao like. can allistic people be normal for five minutes

anyways and tied to that sort of, it's also like, simultaneously Cagey About Things and always worried about like, i could tell this person this thing and maybe it'd be Incorrect for the interaction and they won't care, whether because it's too mundane and boring a thing about you or because it's too #Real, i think i glimpsed something a month or so ago about like "do other autistic people have trouble where like, you can be friends with someone a long time but not get particular Close to them" or whatever lol, where like, well i have to hold everyone at arm's length and often Then Some because there's just matter of fact stuff about me that i nonetheless think i can't or shouldn't share, if i talked about something it might be out of the blue b/c i just was hardly confiding in people about it, or it's boring, or it's like, i don't actually feel like i'm close enough with this person that saying this isn't gonna be like "whoa overshare!! i just feel awkward & weird!" lmfao like. there were people i hung out with in person the year i lived out of my car and i did not mention this at all to them / kept it a secret b/c it's like, not out of like ohh this is a secret b/c No One Can Know, some people Could know lmao (shoutout to the person i Did confide in about these problems and who talked with me at what must've been like 3am in that timezone when i was like "well the rich people around here made sure to get cops to harass an unhoused person, e.g. me, would you believe it, it sucked" lmfao) it's that i knew idk, it would be pointless, they'd just feel weird about it and switch into that "for some reason, this is being Nice" where everyone will go into full Putting On A Front mode to be Polite like, that really sucks actually lmao could you Not. but it's like, idk, all this stuff where it's like "this thing about me / my life would be too Boring or too Awkward or Depressing or Etc Etc" turns out to be isolating / alienating b/c like, of course it would be. and idk nobody i ever made friends with in person i was Confiding in, not a ton of them re: me either, because you know. being cagey and wary, on top of like ohhh this person is Standoffish if they're hesitant to interact with people generally or do their own thing or i don't think they're socializing Right / have incorrectly inferred their feelings/motivations/intentions or whatever

and furthermore on that lmao it's also like, again, while i'm Verbose & Opinionated people will think i'm quiet & have no takes to provide because it's also like, even when it comes to stuff i sure feel i Could talk freely about, it's like, if i have a different opinion here will that just be a conversational Interruption ruining things for the real participants, probably nobody wants to hear me talk about this Subject, probably nobody wants to / would let me talk about it at much length without interrupting, even Online lmao i can be just going all out in terms of [how much i can talk about something] and while people can be Into that at that time it's like, people aren't into that beyond that one back and forth on one day, shoutout when people do enjoy the extensive discussing and/or have patience for it other times lol.

then supposing i Am talking to people lmao it's like, idk i'm an acquired taste or what have you, like, on top of the Talking A Ton it's like, the being opinionated and argumentative and sometimes pedantic or whatever on top of being irritable, could stand to be a bit more patient lmao, The Hater Friend to use the figure of speech lmao i have hardly been in a Group to be The [Any] Friend lol, also if my sense of humor doesn't fit it's like well how am i supposed to be silly, if being sometimes Enthused doesn't fit, again kinda an issue......have described myself as A Bit Much, humorously, but already not doing that as Much b/c it's like, i think i'm still too much like considering other people's opinions too "objective" here when like, first of all that's never accurate lmao, second of all i can easily forget that idk, i can at least in theory expect people to just regularly Like me and Enjoy interacting with me lol so. an acquired taste few can sample..........like hey even if other people don't vibe with me, it can just as much be the case that i'm not vibing with other people, don't worry lmao. and yknow, kinda parallel to Masking to seem acceptable in any casual social situation it's like, if i feel i'm suppressing my whole personality here / putting up a front / like i have to Get Through what should be a friendly interaction rather than be able to enjoy it myself, it's not exactly that rewarding. and plenty of times it's like, i like to be around people, but it can be strangers, i don't feel like "oh i wanna go out to eat / see a movie / go to this event, but if i can't get any friends to go, guess i can't!" like get out of the way i'm readily doing shit alone, it can even feel Better that way if otherwise it's like, now this occasion is about performing peak Agreeability for this other person/people, and like, not like i have ever been like "yes i have people i can readily ask to hang out and they'll be like Ya" anyways lol so. used to operating solo, where you can't be like "aha this is because this person has no Human Interest in Human Connection" when it's like. well it was never all up to me was it

well and so also it helped when i was 14 and able to be Online consistently, vs at home lmao. time for online friendship, which i don't think is like, oh that's not Real, like what sorry have you never known about people who have Remote friendships before, phones & letters & telegrams and also [nowadays when many ppl are Remote even if they usually lived near enough to hang out with] where it's like, you have this different format for socializing that can sure play out differently than Real Time, In Person interactions, and ever since i'll be posting mostly to myself lmfao but able to thusly talk about Interests and like, people will come along who want to talk more about it, then we do. i suppose also it can sure help that i'll draw (and Only draw, lol) for said interests, although tbh i think most of the time it's the extensive text posts that do it? really and great litmus test or whatever lmfao like, well already this person must not hate the verbosity. and then you can end up vibing with these people further, or not, but it's like, again, there's this chance for From The Start like, oh this person Likes that i have this niche interest, they like &/or don't mind talking A Lot about it lmao, vs in person introductions where that can sure happen but it's like, that's gonna be chance & spontaneous, whereas ppl might have the opportunity to Seek Out this interaction / content of yours......even online though, i'm still like, not as inclined to reach out or make the first interaction move or whatever lmao so. and then it's like, people make galaxy brain remarks like "ohh people who are very Online don't have friends, irl, they aren't Personable, irl," like yes congratulations i'm autistic and i don't have many In Person friends generally, sometimes maybe not any, don't really know where people think they'll land their argument here. like, follow it through, are you just calling people losers. is it "social media makes peopel Not social" like nobody is Doing Anything when they're online or everyone is embracing strangers and having heart to hearts every weekday morning with whoever is nearby if only they weren't on twitter? plus the fact that like, if i don't have access to people i interact with online, that doesn't like, force me to become neurotypical so that i then have a thriving in person social circle, it just means i'm more isolated? meanwhile, turns out it helps a lot if it's like, yeah i can Expect to interact with people

and then still like, all the time it might be like i still can feel Confused as it were about How To Talk To People lmfao like. there's not much "Just Be Yourself" when being yourself has meant filtering yourself, actually, and being v self conscious about trying (and often failing) to appeal to other people (which, then if you do succeed, it's like oops this person likes me but if i've been putting up a front the whole time, not super Validating) and not exactly a ton of practice getting to do Otherwise, and it can again be like. is this too boring to talk about, or just somewhat arbitrarily like "oh i'd better Not talk / say whatever" for no real reason lmfao, i Can just get like. Real Time Chatty as it were, but it's difficult actually lmfao like i need a lot of momentum, and it's easy for that to be Not the case.......and just like, again that it's easy to forget you don't have to be in "nobody wants to hear you talk" mode, or think like, okay, i can't just say anything, i have to say something Good, aka of interest or funny or whatever lmao but then it's like well i guess i Can just say anything. don't much know how to do that tho

(also, sidenote from "wtf is thinking being friends w/someone online is faker than when you're friends with someone sort of from being in the same building every weekday, what is the conclusion of 'what a loser geek whatever if you care about connecting Online who can't be popular Offline'" where it's always funny when someone is also like "wow even in person Fandom is, like social media, something that only people who suck at socializing Normally are into" lmfao like. not very relevant b/c nobody wants to really be in a broader fanbase rather than find particular kindred spirits through it, and who actually wants to go to comic con or whatever, sounds like a nightmare, but it's still such a faux analytical perspective lmfao like, again, first of all, what's the Conclusion to your argument here? and secondly honestly like. all versions of Small Talk are kinda gonna be bullshit, even amongst say, nt people, there's nothing Universal, and people can certainly be inconsiderate / preclude any genuine connection via what they might consider to be this neutral part of the ritual, and yknow, i find it kinda exhausting like it's peak Time To Mask and then i'm hardly in the mood to Really talk further, like yknow what. idk i'd be annoyed if someone demanded i Correctly Complete some sort of fandom reference by way of greeting, but i'm also annoyed when someone demands i Correctly Complete whatever maneuvers you're supposed to do with a rhetorical "how are you :)" lmfao like. you're a cringe nerd in the rigid social ritual of pleasantries fandom)

anyways and uhh yeah i also yknow, hashtag alana beck, it's like, glad to pretend Friendly Acquaintances makes sense, i guess it can, but it's great when it's like, oh i Don't have to only expect to be really peripheral in people's lives, or to only be friends with people i don't feel like i vibe with That much or also talk to that much about anything, when i can definitely feel like Yes this person is a Friend, no "are they actually closer to an acquaintance at this point" disclaimers needed, again, taking it back to the fact that friendship sure is Significant to me and when i have it that's v important thanks

so it's like uhhhh yeah difficult to make friends, don't have general appeal or whatever lol, ppl aren't on my wavelength or i'm not on theirs, hard to talk to people even though it's not because i don't/can't talk plenty lmfao.......and re: being Supportive it's like well, i don't really tell people In Person i'm autistic but naturally if you follow me Online here i am talking about it lol, and not like anyone who already knew me & was friends with me was like "oh nvm don't like interacting with you now" and i also gotta mention the like Handshake Lgbtq lifehack, where plenty of times it can be like, oh if we vibe on That wavelength it can be easier to befriend people, and/or that people will at least be more like, amicable / supportive based on Knowing you're handshake on that lol. b/c really it's like, i'd also like to just be allowed to talk and/or simply be around people even if we are not Personal Friends, aka that you can expect to be treated decently with some basic respect / consideration and like you're generally allowed to exist and be present and interact with people where you're not only guaranteed to Not be punished / excluded for it if someone's your individual friend and allows you to be here, so. once again it's like, can allistic ppl be normal for 5 min

#still behind on this naturally lmao but when it's now 1am and i've chosen to do a whole essay #it's like whew time to make dark dinner for now #30daysofautismacceptance #2021

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trashwars-archive · 6 years ago

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Tag ten (10) tumblr friends and tell them what you like most about them, after you have done that send this message on and spread the love

oh boy!! i’m gonna start off by saying that i adore everyone i’ve ever talked to on this hellsite and ngl i was waiting to get one of these so i could tell my friends how much i love and appreciate them

anyways!!

i’m gonna start out by tagging everyone in chili’s bc i’ve never been one for rules :-) i love u guys, i can’t believe it’s been a year since i met you and i’m so glad we met bc of another failed gc skfhsjfkjf @missyouofficial @cinnamonswirlhair @jewishdyke @organicstunts @larrysoulmates and morgan and scout and patricia and luiza and talia but i have somehow.. forgotten everyone’s.... urls....

aleks @ot4vinyl i adore you 💕 you are seriously so strong and so loving, and you amaze me with your ability to dig up unseens and even unreleased music like wtf dude you’re like frickin houdini

bea @tonystar3k i think the world of u!!! i love that we share a mutual love of 1d and multiple fandoms which i think is very sexy of us. sideblogs?? idk her we dump everything on one blog like men. you are literally the queen of content i swear you cook up stuff like daily it’s amazing??

alex @iconichalo i can’t belive we were mutuals for two wholeass years before i got the courage to message you... but i’m so glad i did!! your insta stories are so funny and always a big fucking mood, they always make me laugh when i’m on the bus/other inappropriate places to laugh at my phone :) i hope we’re friends for a long time to come.

ai @lovelylarrie you are the sweetest ever!! you were there for me when i was in a Bad Spot and told me it was okay when i felt alienated and lost friends. i’m glad we text all the time, tbh you’re one of the only people i actually text with and i’m glad i can unload all my louis feels on you when new pics come out (especially when it turns out louis was 2 miles from my house yesterday AND I HAD NO FUCKING IDEA) and i’m so lucky to have you in my corner.

aly @politelouis throwback to that time i got stuck at a party in malibu and my ride was doing lines.... fun times. not. you stuck it out with me though and made sure i got home okay which just goes to show how loyal and kind you are. we really need to get our shit together and go to six flags or something this is unacceptable ma’am

kenzie @babyfthoney u are the cutest human ever!! you’re always so supportive of the stuff i make and i LOVE all of your gorgeous moodboards, aesthetic QUEEN!!! i always love seeing your content on my dash!! i’m glad we met in the breakfast gc and i heart you!!!

bia @girlalmightys aaaaa bia i’m so excited for you to go to usc!! you’re absolutely gonna kill it!! i love seeing your snaps all the time, and i hope you’re having a fun time abroad!! the fact that people roast u for being on snap all the time is a fucking mood, i felt that in my soul kjdklsjhks

sam @sunshinelou i met you like not even a week ago and i feel like we clicked immediately like we’re on the same wavelength dude 👽 we relate on so many levels it’s awesome and i’m glad we started talking!! here’s to more bonding over embarrassing stories skdjfhsjlkja

ali @cloudsniall i’m really happy you enjoy what you call “variety” and i call “a garbage heap of too many hyperfixations and one special interest” that exists on my blog slkjfslkdjkl i love talking to you and i’m sorry i didn’t get back to you until like 2 minutes ago tumblr suckz but hopefully u forgive me and we can go back to crying abt stranger things :’)

#I LOVE A LOT OF PEOPLE OKAY #anonymous

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sophinid · 6 years ago

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for the lynid gc

it had been a long-ass day.

the constant stream of patients, one replacing the other as soon as one left, guaranteeing that enid would have to wait to sit down as soon as she got home werw getting the best of the young doctor. she couldn’t wait to lay her head in her girlfriend’s lap and rant, lydia’s smooth voice soothing her, her skilled fingers playing with her hair. that is, if she could find her.

“lydia?” enid called out, walking down the hall of their shared house. “princess? angel? love of my life?”

“in here, baby!” enid sighed with relief as lydia’s voice came out of their bathroom.

“thank god, you aren’t gonna believe the day i’ve had-“ enid opened the door, only for it to slam closed soon after.

“no! don’t come in. i have a surprise for you.” lydia told her, sounding more genuinely excited than mischievous, bringing a smile to enid’s face.

“ooh, okay.” enid giggled, sitting down on their bed and unlacing her boots

“how was your day?”lydia called out from the bathroom, sounding as if she was moving something around.

“it’s better now that i’m with you.” enid laughed honestly, earning an “aww” from lydia. “no one got any major injuries, just a few scrapes and cuts. oh, mrs.martin wanted me to let you know that she thinks her baby’s coming any day now.”

“oh, great! she’s a sweetheart.” lydia replied, enid swearing she heard a zipper from the bathroom.

“am i gonna see this surprise soon?” enid called out to her, sitting cross legged on the bed.

“there’s a story first.”

“okay?”

“edna passed away.”

“i’m so sorry, lydia. i know how much she meant to you.” enid knew edna had been the closest thing to a maternal figure lydia had ever had.

“carol gave me a box, said she would’ve wanted me to have it, and i saw this”, she opened the door.

“woah.. is that?”enid asked, somewhat knowing the answer.

“yeah. edna’s famous wedding dress.” lydia smiled, doing a little twirl and facing herself in the mirror. “she ran away, got married and rode a motorcycle down to texas in this thing.”

“it’s like it was made for you.” enid marveled, admiring the way the lacy white fabric hugged lydia’s body.

“when she told me about it, she said that her mom’s. she wanted to pass it to her daughter one day, but she only had boys. she told carol she wanted me to have it.” lydia smiled, admiring the way she looked in the dress.

“you look like a bride.” enid got up, walking over to the mirror, wrapping her arms around lydia’s waist.

“maybe in a normal world we could’ve had this.”lydia said quietly, placing her hands over enid’s.

“who says we still can’t?”enid countered, smiling softly.

“uh oh, i know that look. you planning something, rhee?” lydia turned herself, enid’s arms still on her waist, her own, lace clad arms wrapping around enid’s neck.

“glenn and maggie got married after everything. i know a few other people that did too.” enid pointed out.

“are you saying we could?”lydia’s voice was barely above a whisper, her heart pounding against her ribs. what was enid planning?

at this, enid merely smiled, breaking the hug they had been in, rifling through her bag.

“enid?” lydia questioned, wrapping her arms around herself, feeling where enid’s had been moments earlier.”what are you doing?”

enid turned to face lydia, her arms behind her back. “you’re not the only one with surprises.”

“is that so?” lydia challenged, her smile matching enid’s.

“yeah, and i’ve been planning this one for a while.”

before lydia could question it, enid knelt down in front of her, pulling a ring out of her pocket.

lydia felt her heart stop, knowing based off of how much her cheeks hurt already she was smiling dopily large, eyes wide as dinner plates.

“enid? babe, is this?” lydia couldn’t even form the sentence she wanted to, or gather enough air from her lungs to ask it.

“it’s that spoon with the flowers on it you said you wouldn’t use, because it was too pretty. henry helped me bend it.” enid explained, looking at lydia like she was her world.

“are you proposing to me?”lydia finally asked, so quiet she was surprised enid could hear it.

“lydia, babe, i can’t imagine my life without you. falling in love with you taught me that you can live, and not just survive.”

lydia looked down at her feet at this, enid grabbing her hand and making her look into her eyes. “you’re smart, independent, funny, and so, so strong, but you still have this kindness, this light that you haven’t lost, despite everything you’ve been through.”

lydia used her free hand to wipe away her tears, enid’s eyes welling up with the same emotion. “will you light the way for me for the rest of our lives?”

lydia didn’t even wait 3 seconds after enid’s speech before giving the answer both of them knew was coming.

“yes, oh my god i-i love you so much, yes.”

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crystalmaezing · 6 years ago

Text

My wavemate, My crush pt. 1

“It started on our first day of work”

I’ve always been a hopeless romantic ever since i had a crush back in my elementary days. Whenever i have a crush, i am always trying hard to let them know that i have a crush on them by looking at them always. I am swinging both ways, i tend to like boys and lesbians or bisexual girls (my mom do know that i had a crush on lesbians back then).

So going back to the present, I was hired in this company where my college friends are working, they told me to go there because i just resigned on my previous company which is a BPO as well. During our first day of work, i had my eyes on this someone which until now i still have a crush. She’s a lesbian.

At first i was actually a bit hesitant because it might be just a crush at first sight but the feelings went deeper than i expected. I was planning to forget about here until one day (December 16 to be exact), she actually pmed me on messenger saying that she wants to talk to me via call which is absurd. We never talked in person since i am awkward at her, just her in our wave.

At first, i actually told her that i don’t have any earphone working so i cant talk to her via call, just so you know, i hate talking on phone not using earphones, it sucks. But she keep on insisting that it’ll just take a few minutes. So i decided to allow her even if i don’t have earphones with me.

During the first topic of our call, she asked me where i was staying and such thing. The conversation goes like this (well not all is accurate though because that was like a few weeks ago)

Her: Where do you go home?

Me: *gives the train station that i always drop to*

Her: Where exactly is that, i didn’t know there is such station.

Me: *insists that it exist*

Her: Who are you with right now?

Me: My dad, my mom went to province.

Her: Tell your dad to drink medicine for cough (because she heard my dad coughing on the background)

And it goes on. She kept on asking me who is my crush and i replied to her jokingly “you”. At first she just laugh so i thought that i’ll just tell it to her jokingly even if it’s the truth.Sadly, someone arrives at home that i needed to hang up our call. Our call ended after 14 minutes. That Saturday, the day i decided to forget about her and decided to still have a crush on her right after our call. Even her laugh that night still lingers in my ears.

Monday came, I went to work and saw her. Just like the same old days, we didn’t talked to each other. It was weird because i thought she will talk to me because we sound so close to me that night. I awkwardly talked to her because she is quite close to one of my friend. She told me that she’s very drunk that night and she didn’t remember what we talked about.

That hit me like a lightning.

To me it was very meaningful but to her, it’s just a thing that she did while she’s drunk.

By the way, she have a crush at one of our wavemates, at first i thought it was me though, i’m such a hopeless romantic, i know. Because there are things that made me point at my fingers.

First, when i was busy writing the late on our wavemates. I heard her saying that her crush is busy, it turned out that i am busy and her real crush is busy talking to someone on phone. Another thing is when we’re on our way to the terminal, my friend asked her who her crush is and she said “I’m not gonna tell, she might be here”. Third one is i’m the only one she doesn’t talk much with. I know, i expected so much, i got disappointed big time.

Okay going back....Days passed by, we only talk on messenger like we’re really close but not talking personally in our office. We tend to have deep talks and such.

One time, i told her that my real crush is her because she kept on insisting. She keeps on commenting on my repost about my crush so i decided to tell her.

One time on December 18, we and some of my wavemates are having fun and then she suddenly called me and told me that someone is having a crush on me, i disregarded it.

Since i am used to us talking on messenger, i kept on waiting for her reply and decided to fake that i accidentally clicked the like button and she replied. We even talked about her family and mine. We have a lot of things that we talked about.

There was one time that she told me that she’s living alone and her mom lives at the province, i pitied her so i decided to cook something and bring more for her. I even jokingly told her that i’ll put some love potions on it and she said “Sure”. I gave her the food because she is eating with her crush. After that day, i bring more food so i can share with her. We ate together that day because her crush isn’t there.

I even saw her posting on myday a photo of her and her crush (now the girlfriend) and with a heart. Same with her girlfriend she posted one, it made me jealous one time big time.

December 23, i decided to get my hair done and i changed the color into red, i decided to do it to move on from her.

December 24, we have a morning shift so we wont have a hard time going home for Christmas even. I came inside our room with my earphones on, i am so awkward because i really told her that i have a crush on her. The sound of my earphone is really loud so i cant hear any of them inside the room, but i know she, her crush and her crush’ friend is there at the back of our room. When the song i am listening to ended, i heard her crush’ friend saying “There’s someone who have a crush on you in our wave right?” the moment i heard that, i knew that she told them that i have a crush on her, i felt betrayed.

I just let it flow. Ignoring her, she didn’t even talk to me that much. And i can see that she and her crush is already together because of their clingy-ness and sweetness on each other. It’s unofficial, i just expected it to be like that but i never heard it from anyone. It was actually sad for me but i kept on fighting it. There are times i am not even in the mood to eat.

December 24, Christmas eve, i was singing with my brothers and decided to post it on messenger, she just keep on seeing the videos and such but not talking to me. I chatted her to ask if she’s dating with her crush already but i’ve got no answer. 11 pm strikes and i decided to send her a long ass message. She just reacted an emoji with a heart and no response. She response to me in the morning saying she fell asleep already.

December 25th, i’ve got a greetings from her and nothing else. It getting more awkward already but i am still expecting that she will at least talk to me, but no.

During one of our chats, she asked me to have a drink with her and a friend, i said yes but when i sent her that long ass message, it got awkward. She doesn’t talk to me that much so i thought that maybe the invitation would be disregarded already.

Our salary day came, she asked me if i will still go but my friends already decided to eat on a buffet so i told her i cant go. It’s for my own anyway, i don’t wanna bond with her that much because i want my feelings to fade away.

December 29. She left on our gc, i was hella curious so decided to pm her. She told me that she fought and broke up with her girlfriend. I was more than happy but then, not really. She sounds so frustrated because her girlfriend did something that is really absurd. She even told me that they’re dating since December 22. I was in full shock because i even sent her a message during the 25th like whut.

She asked me to have a drink with her but it’s raining that time so i refused to go which is until now, i am sorry for myself. She even told me that she wont go to work anymore so i did everything to stop he from doing that. I told her that i’ll give a gift or i’ll perform during our year end party but she refused to accept. She got quite busy during the night and i even asked her if she’s free on the next day but she said nope.

On Sunday, i talked to her again and asked if it’s a final decision, i even told her jokingly that she wont be able to see me perform. She said that she’ll go to work because she wants to watch me, i am really happy because i feel special. But it turned out that they got back together, i am stupid right?

December 31, our year end party. When i came in, she’s still not there but her girlfriend is so i thought, maybe they’re still not getting back together. She arrives and keeps on saying to her friend “Where’s the gift you promised me?” which is actually for me because i promised her. I was with my friend when she asked me to have a photo with her. I was actually surprised because we never had a photo together yet. She took it, her hand is actually trembling which is funny so i told her i’ll take it for her, but I AM TREMBLING AS WELL.

She were in front of me when i told my friend to take a photo together but she went to us saying that she wants to join so i took a photo of the three of us. I was really happy that time but that ended real quick when her girlfriend performed and she said “I’m so embarrassed for you”. I was like “They got back together”.

It even gets sadder when we’re about to eat, they went to get the food together, eating beside each other and they even took a photo together. For short, they’re very sweet to one another.

Our party ended, i was frowning the whole time, each and everyone is greeting one another and hugging each other. She was in front of me and i jokingly told her “Happy new year” and i even leaned a bit but we’re on our way out so i just went out of the room. She called me and said “Okay let’s hug”. I was about to hugged her but we both leaned on the same direction which made us almost kissed. I was embarrassed big time, even some of our wavemates saw it as well as her girlfriend. But we still hugged of course. Both of us were actually speechless after that.

Why is it whenever i am deciding to forget about her, she’s doing something that will make me fall for her more?

#hopelessromantic hopeless romantic crush wavemate

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whywhywhymoney · 3 years ago

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when the Future Colours ED dropped.... you just had to be there man...

As a 23 year old, there's plenty of stuff I missed out on when it came to fandoms, mostly because of my lack of interest in most of the popular anime at the time, but I was always on the periphery and got to know *some* of what went down. For yugioh 5ds though? Front and centre man. Front and centre. And maybe that's why I find it so bittersweet just to even think about 5ds because it takes me to such a specific moment in time that I'll never get back.

Like, as 5-6 year olds my cohort just about caught onto the original Yugioh cycle, and of course we all hated GX as the cultured 8 year olds we were (I love it guys, I always did) but 5ds was different. It came out at the time my year was at the older end of the school, and it grabbed me immediately because of how serious it felt, which is the one thing at that age that I disliked about GX. All of a sudden we all brought out our old decks, dark magician, Blue Eyes, E hero beatdown and we were all influencing each other to absolutely get on these hot new cards because synchros are COOL. The permanent rainy British weather didn't stop us from dueling with our paper mats and unsleeved cards, and we had to go behind the staff room to make dodgy trades lest our cards get confiscated.

And then CITV *really* hit the Dark Signers arc and didn't air new episodes for years. Just to put it in perspective, I was in Year 5 when 5ds started airing here. Season 3 started airing in 2012, when I was 2 years removed from primary school. What's a girl to do? Go online of course! Most of us were already sharing around our favourite websites to watch naruto because the UK edits were trash tier, and of course, 5ds was there too. And then the 4kids forums had whole threads dedicated to the merits of the different fansubbers.

Once I left primary school and had nobody to talk to about yugioh except my little brother, 5ds fanfiction became my bread and butter, and I can't tell you how funny it is when I remember the trend of "Yusei and Aki have a child but the other is raising them alone/doesn't know about her". But I was invested! And God, when the Future Colours ED dropped, it gave the writers material for DAYS.

Now, I'm older, it's been over 11 years since 5ds ended, and I especially consider the ending to be even more poignant because of where I am in life, I'm on the cusp of true adulthood, finding jobs and settling down and whatnot. Good friends of mine that I've known since I was 4, and from 4 years ago, are getting married or having kids. I have a wonderful group of friends, who we all met during a sports event and made a gc, and since meeting them, I feel like I understand better than ever the power of bonds 5ds tried to show. It's such a valuable thing! It's because of those guys that I even bothered to write my first fanfiction, which was based entirely off of a real event that happened.

When I think of the hilarity we've had over the past 4 ish years of knowing each other, and the deep conversations as well as the heart breaking ones, it's so super silly, but it makes me think of Team 5ds and their dynamic. And just like how they went their separate ways, we're all kinda splintering off too. It really makes me sad, but, I'm so grateful for being able to experience this wonderful companionship in the first place. And the thing is: We're never really gonna get rid of each other completely, because the love of sport that united us in the first always brings us back to each other, even if it's just for a few weeks over the course of a tournament.

So, hopefully, when I write more 5ds fanfic, I just want it to be known that it's dedicated to my real Team 5ds, and I'm so lucky that I got to have an anime plot unfold in my real life, which is what that 8 year old girl dreamed of back then! And here I am not even realising that I was living her dream.

BTW, I'll just drop the link to the one thing I have written for this silly funny beautiful crew, who remind me so much of my own silly funny beautiful crew. Maybe in another 11 years I can look back on these fics and remember the pure joyful time I had with them. https://archiveofourown.org/works/35254714

Of course, one thing you gotta know though is that they can NEVER know its me because if they found out how sappy I got I'll never hear the end of it 🤣

#ygo 5ds #yugioh 5ds

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maitani · 3 years ago

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NEW YEARS — MUTUAL APPRECIATION : PART 2 <3

note: it’s new year’s eve [for me] and i’m feeling generous to share my appreciation to my mutuals :) you do not have to reciprocate, this is just how i feel towards you!

@lovschwe , now you have known me since my hq days and let me just say how appreciate i am of you. you were always so supportive on that blog but even on this blog when i’m doing nothing that correlates to hq and we don’t really talk if i’m being honest but you do come up here once and a while and i just appreciate your presence — you are very kind and supportive and that means a lot to me because you don’t have to but here you and i’m glad that i get to see a familiar url from a place that brought me comfort and seeing you around. wishing you all the best <3

@8kh , hunter — i love you. i absolutely love you. we also have been mutuals since my hq blog and i’ve gotten to see your growth and how you are simply so fucking cool and nice — i never understood why you would get hate at some point because you were really the most coolest person i know who has the talent of writing so fucking well [please teach me] no but when we do talk, i absolutely adore you and even now as mutuals i still fan girl when we chat like akdhwkdbdjd <3

@01-1987 , WE DONT TALK — unfortunately we don’t but i do see you on my dash quite a lot and i wanna interact with you but i get shy <//3 no but you are also very cool, your themes are very fucking pretty and just i love your blog and i want to love you too so we’re dating after you read this, thank you. <3

@goreist , i love you. at one point, i will be honest that i was a little on edge because of that one situation but you are pretty cool if i have to admit. when we would chat on discord, you were really nice and very open about your hobbies and cat — like when you made that small gc with hunter and i, i felt like i got to learn not only about your interests but about you too and i felt closer to you :>

@taehnwnho , we don’t talk as much if i’m being honest but you are such a very kind person when we do and i wish to speak to you more but i get a little shy so you might have to engage … but mwuah <3

@putmeinyourdeathnote , do you wanna be my little meow meow? NO OKAY — you are so fucking funny when we chat through my asks and how we have the same interests :( OH OH THERES AN ADDING FEATURE NOW, let’s add each other :0 no but i love that we got along so fast and we’re quick to reciprocate the energy back and forth, appreciate you a whole ton <3

@sunhee-sun , MY LITTLE BABY. YOU — I ALWAYS WANNA HUG YOU CAUSE YOU ARE SUCH THE SWEETEST SOUL FOR NO REASON, coming up to my inbox and sending me ran headcanons or scenarios and i want to gatekeep it all along with you :0 but you are the kindest and cutest being i’ve encountered, little so funny too like please don’t stop <3

@emperorwriter , you were like my partner and crime, we would always chat and just talk about anything and everything — so thank you for making me wanted <3 no but actually, our friendship was one of the best that i had on this horrendous app and i enjoyed everything that you and i would chat about and how supportive you were of me — so much love on my end <3

@sunasbabie , the best for fucking last. i was gonna send you something through discord but i sent you a kiss instead. hope that makes up for … this. but you are literally my best friend on this app and i’m not saying it because i come to you when i need aid or i come to spill some drama — it’s simply because i feel the most comfortable with you. you genuinely make me happy and i always wish the best for you because you honestly do truly deserve it. not only for your kind personality but how snarky you can be and you always make me laugh no matter the circumstances. you were just there and i apologize for not always being active to chat with you but i hope you know that i do think about you and wishing you the best. but mwuah i love you <3

NEW YEARS — MUTUAL APPRECIATION <3

note: it’s new year’s eve [for me] and i’m feeling generous to share my appreciation to my mutuals :) you do not have to reciprocate, this is just how i feel towards you!

@bbdaydreams i appreciate you so fucking much SO FUCKING MUCH. since my hq days, you have just tolerated me and been there for whatever reason that we are automatically close. sending me twitter art or seeking to my aid whenever i’m upset and i publicly say it cause i have issues and YOU ARE JUST THE SWEETEST. but i do appreciate you for being a good friend and just staying close even after i switched blogs :,<

@hoeruchiyo , i’ve known you for a fucking while. we were in it together for many things, our daughter scandal that blew up for no reason, getting plagiarized together, we were paired as a couple for many moments — until you replaced me. but i’ve known you since hq and you were completely dope then and now even if you ignore me now. no but i appreciate you because even other than being my mutual, you were also a really good friend and i have a shit ton of love for you.

@cumfuyu , i am simply in love with you, no other words. no but it’s barely two weeks and i have so much admiration for you and how quick we were to immediately get along, not even a single awkward phase was seen — we were already being shipped by anons. but you have been so easy to speak with considering how hard it is for me to follow a conversation with someone new but you genuinely make me happy and i appreciate you for letting me get to know you <3

@mqtsuno , you. i have a shit ton to say about you. but i always carried these mixed feelings that you completely hate me and maybe you do but i appreciate you for tolerating me and conversing with me when you really didn’t have to. you played along with my winterboy69 fixation and i loved how you allowed me to enter your space to flirt with you and you reciprocating. but thank you for being my crush but my art consultant and for being the one to take my virginity <3

@starrysouya , literally the sweetest sweetheart i know. FOR NO REASON AND WE DONT EVEN SPEAK MUCH, you always send me little encouragement messages to start my day and normally — it works :0 i just sit on my phone then i see a little message from you and giggle cause that’s too cute of you to do. so i appreciate the fact that you think of me for no fucking and decide yeah, let’s pay a visit and send this to illed mich <3

@luvbub , um we started dating the moment i sent you an ask. NO BUT I FANGIRL EVERY TIME WE CHAT cause i used to follow you for actually a whole year now if we count my hq blog and we were never mutuals until i declared our romance so everytime we chat i just do a little squeal cause i look up to you and find you for comfort so the idea that i can message you anytime i want it’s like <33 but i appreciate that you are actually one of the kindest and funniest on this app, like you scream soft to me and that’s why i find comfort from you :0

@kr3idz , you — now you are one of my sweethearts. CAUSE WHENEVER WE CHAT ITS SO NATURAL AND AND your themes are always so good and i want them all. no but ever since my hq blog, i have just been inspired by you when it came to themes and just aesthetics so i’ve known you for quite the while now BUT i appreciate you because you are very open minded and so funny when we chat, literally such an easy person to get along with :0

@kisakunt , i’m not gonna bullshit and be like OH MY GOD YOU ARE SUCH A GOOD FRIEND AND THIS AND THAT — cause if i’m being honest, we didn’t speak that much but when we did you were pretty cool :0 you’re really blunt and straightforward that it actually brought me some comfort? because that’s how i used to be until i wanted to just shell away :0 so seeing you on my dash whether it is gatekeeping or threatening someone — i feel content, so i appreciate you for not only being well … bold but for staying to your word :0

@mtsuyas WE ALSO DONT SPEAK but you are so cute on the dash that i couldn’t help but say something about you :0 whenever i do send in asks which i quite not often — apologies, YOU ARE SO SWEET TO ME :0 so you are automatically in a relationship with me, forget mitsuya : focus on me please <3 but i also love your themes and i also want them all, please do mine.

@cyuus , oh my , we used to be really interactive with each other but you were actually one of my first mutuals when starting this blog after describing for a while :0 i don’t think i knew you before but we clicked. so thank you for being my first friend <3 no but when we do talk, it very easy and it makes me feel like we didn’t lose that “spark” after all <3

@dracutora , hi i have a crush on you — sorry, sorry.. hi i have a crush on you. no, we don’t really talk but we do interact occasionally but you are so nice :( literally you have my heart and incredibly funny when i see you on my dash and i wish to get to know you more <3

@everafterkeiji , we actually don’t speak much but you’re one of my little babies :( ACTUALLY, you were one of the first tr blogs that i followed and motivated me to get back into writing so my shitty writing career is all because of you <3 but i appreciate you because when we did speak — you were actually really easy to speak to, there wasn’t any awkward transition we were just talking. but mwuah <3

@bunniro , my little baby :< so kind to me and for what, we don’t really speak as much anymore i admit and that may be my fault but everytime we chatted it was so great. everything about our pairing was astounding along with our ideas of double dates and sharing fanart :0

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bubblingballoon · 5 years ago

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Right time, wrong person

“What’s your ideal type of boyfriend?”

“Compatible and clever”

“Are you seeing anyone close to your criteria now?”

“Er... probably... I don’t know”

“So what are you gonna do about it?”

“I don’t know. I can’t just go ahead and ask him out. I can just hope that he’ll maybe pick my hints and make the first move.”

“So what would your ideal first hangout be?”

“Walking on the GC Trail. Just inside our uni and close to my home. I love it.”

“Alright... So would you like to have a walk this afternoon?”

“...”

“Yeah.” (nods)

“... Of course, I would love to.”

That’s at least the scenario I just formed in my head yesterday. That’s how I hope he will make the first move and start our legendary relationship. How funny, just this afternoon I actually got the chance to walk the GC Trail with a boy, just not him. And if this happened 6 months earlier, I would be overwhelmed with joy.

I met him right out of a building just as I was walking out. I’ve bumped into him countless times on campus before - abnormally high for a normal acquaintance. Usually he would be going to class or work. Today he was looking for a place to sit and read. He literally offered to hang out with me, so here we go!

He used to be a huge crush of mine. I shared so many beautiful memories with him. I felt so warm and safe when I was with him. I was an innocent girl who was new to this country and so hyped up amidst the company of my countrymen back then. We would stroll in the middle of Melbourne’s autumn forest, sharing our fears, insecurities and life stories. I used to be almost certain that we were going to be something. In the end he just stopped contacting me for a while. When we met again we still talked normally - mainly because my feelings for him had all died by the time. Lots of things happened during the time we halted keeping in touch. He was no longer the boy I knew. He had pretty intimate moments with a girl I knew, who did not hesitate for a second to show them off on social media. I’d also changed - I was more active and experienced now.

We walked the GC Trail just like on the second day we met. This is probably our most beautiful memory together. Everything didn’t feel the same anymore. I wasn’t trying to be sweet any longer. I was myself, confident and acting totally cool. My feelings for you have really all died. That’s how my heart is. My emotions could be really overwhelming and passionate at one time, and when I’ve lost interest, reactivating them would be harder than finding a needle in an ocean.

Well we’re not that suited after all. I genuinely do not hope we can advance any further than friends. And I will continue my search of my true love. Goodbye.

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lindyhunt · 6 years ago

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Ariana Grande Tweeted (& Deleted) Shade at Pete Davidson

Ariana Grande and Pete Davidson became the most talked about celebrity couple of Summer 2018, melting hearts worldwide with their adorable social media love fest. On the heels of their respective public breakups, the pair entered into a whirlwind romance—and they brought all of us with them. Their PDA-filled relationship gave us multiple matching tattoos, cloud-shaped phone cases, and NSFW tweets (which have since been deleted) about Pete’s manhood. And then, it was all over.

From their initial meeting on Saturday Night Live to a surprise quickie engagement to their eventual split, here’s a play by play of everything that’s happened in this roller coaster ride of a relationship.

March 12, 2016: Ariana and Pete meet on Saturday Night Live

Grande and Davidson first meet on the set of Saturday Night Live, where she appeared as the host and musical guest, but both are in relationships with other people at the time; Grande is with longterm boyfriend Mac Miller and Davidson is dating Cazzie David.

Omg it's true 🥀 if they're both happy then it makes me happy. ~ @arianagrande #arianagrande #arianagrandebutera #maciana #arianagrandemacmiller #arianator #arianators #arianaarmy #tinyelephant #sweeteneriscoming

A post shared by taking a lil break / offline (@greedybuteragrande) on May 10, 2018 at 10:50am PDT

May 9, 2018: Ariana confirms split from Mac Miller

Grande shocks fans when she releases an emotional and vulnerable statement confirming she’s ended her two year relationship with Miller. E News reports that the split was an amicable one with the two remaining close friends, but busy work schedules drove them apart.

May 12, 2018: SNL after party meet up

According to Us Weekly, Grande and Davidson are spotted hanging out at an SNL after party at Zuma, with Grande spending the whole night with Davidson’s mom. She was later photographed leaving with a cloud shaped cell phone case that looked exactly like the one Davidson has.

May 16, 2018: Pete and Cazzie break-up

Davidson reveals he’s split with his girlfriend on a Open Late with Peter Rosenberg appearance, calling her a “very talented girl” and explaining that “she’ll be great and she’ll be fine.” According to People when Davidson was asked about his relationship status, he responded, “We’re not together anymore.”

May 20, 2018: Pete supports Ariana at the Billboard Music Awards

After both confirming the end of their respective relationships, Davidson is caught on film by a fan supporting Grande at the Billboard Music Awards, her first awards show appearance since the horrific Manchester terror attack. A source tells People, “After Ariana’s performance, they were backstage and he had his arm around her, they seemed very lovey-dovey.” Fans later discover a cloud tattoo on Grande’s finger reminiscent of the one Davidson has.

May 21, 2018: The start of something new

News officially breaks that the couple is for sure an item, but according to People, the relationship is still extremely new, labelling it as “very casual”.

pic.twitter.com/1GPM6smsBu

— Ariana Grande (@ArianaGrande) May 23, 2018

May 23, 2018 : Ariana hits back at fan

After Miller was arrested for a DUI, fans took to twitter to attack Grande, blaming their breakup for his reckless behaviour. In a tweet that has since gone viral, Grande sets the record straight, providing new and intimate details into their “toxic relationship”.

May 25, 2018: Pete defends relationship with Ariana

Following Grande’s epic clap back, Davidson posts a long note of his own to his Instagram story, discussing his mental health, after people criticize Grande for dating someone that has Borderline Personality Disorder.

View this post on Instagram

Okay now they’re just doing it for our benefit. #CommentsByCelebs

A post shared by @ commentsbycelebs on May 25, 2018 at 2:35pm PDT

May 26, 2018: Ariana and Pete get flirty on IG

Grande and Davidson continue to fuel dating rumours, posting super flirty comments on each others IG pics all week, captured by Instagram account CommentsbyCelebs.

May 29, 2018: Ariana supports Pete at comedy show

It’s Grande’s turn to support Davidson as he performs at The Comedy Store in Los Angeles, sharing a snap to her Instagram story of him that she captions with heart eye emojis.

the chamber of secrets has been opened …

A post shared by Pete Davidson (@petedavidson) on May 30, 2018 at 10:00am PDT

May 30, 2018: The relationship is officially confirmed

The duo finally make it Instagram official, posting a homage pic to Harry Potter. Davidson’s caption is “the chamber of secrets has been opened”, possibly alluding that their relationship is outed. Grande commented, “U tryna Slytherin (I’m deleting my account now).”

View this post on Instagram

We had a good night.

A post shared by L O N D O N R E E S E (@londonreese) on Jun 2, 2018 at 9:48am PDT

Davidson shows his love for Grande in a permanent way, getting two Grande themed tattoos; one referencing her Dangerous Woman bunny ears and the other showcasing the singer’s initials “AG”. Davidson’s tattoo artist, London Reese, says “Pete loves him some Ariana” on his Instagram story.

June 2, 2018: Pete gets two Ariana themed tattoos

Photography by Kevin Mazur/Getty

June 2, 2018: Ariana photographed wearing her engagement ring

Long before their engagement was officially confirmed, Grande was pictured backstage at Wango Tango wearing the $93,000 sparkler.

HAHAHAHAHAHH HES BEEN BRIEFED

— Ariana Grande (@ArianaGrande) June 12, 2018

June 11, 2018: Ariana and Pete are reportedly engaged

Reports begin to surface that the two are engaged, with Grande fanning the rumour mill with her Twitter activity. Us Weekly states, ” They are looking forward to a very long engagement together”, with People reporting, “It’s a recent engagement. They’re just two people who found love quickly and make each other happy all the time.”

u know what you’d dream it be like ? it’s better than that

A post shared by Pete Davidson (@petedavidson) on Jun 15, 2018 at 12:16pm PDT

June 15, 2018: Pete confirms their engagement

Davidson confirms the engagement on IG, with a post that shows off Grande’s massive ring.

‘pete’ !

— Ariana Grande (@ArianaGrande) June 18, 2018

June 19, 2018: A song about Pete

While talking to fans on twitter, Grande reveals new details about her upcoming album Sweetener, explaining she made a last minute addition to the album with the song named Pete.

ariana, pete and a few of their friends got matching H2GKMO (honest to god knock me out) tattoos! hopefully we get a picture of pete’s soon #arianagrande #petedavidson #petiana #peteiana #grandson

A post shared by ariana grande & pete davidson (@peteandariana) on Jun 18, 2018 at 1:19pm PDT

June 20, 2018: Matching tattoos round #2

Grande and Davidson get more matching tattoos, this time of H2GKMO (honest to God knock me out), posting a video to Instagram showing them off.

Tonight Pete Davidson confirms his engagement to Ariana Grande. Here's a sneak peek. Tune in to #FallonTonight for the full interview. pic.twitter.com/NjxmZ2njgR

— Fallon Tonight (@FallonTonight) June 20, 2018

June 21, 2018: Pete talks about engagement on Jimmy Fallon

Davidson appears on Jimmy Fallon, describing his engagement as “winning a contest.”

June 26, 2018: Happy Birthday Ariana

Just when you thought they couldn’t get any cuter, Davidson posts the sweetest birthday message for Grande, calling her “the most precious angel.”

Photograph courtesy of Robert Kamau/ GC Images

July 2, 2018: Tattoo tribute to Pete’s late father

Grande debuts a new foot tattoo “8418”, which was the badge number of Davidson’s late father who was a firefighter and passed away during the September 11 terrorist attacks in NYC.

July 5,2018: Ariana addresses Pete’s Manchester joke

At a stand-up show last fall—well before the couple linked up—Pete Davidson made a joke about the Manchester Arena bombing that killed 22 patrons at an Ariana Grande concert. Essentially, the joke was that the horrific incident lead Grande to realize how famous she was, because “Britney Spears didn’t have a terrorist attack at her concert.” (Poor taste, we know.)

With the joke resurfacing on the web, Ariana finally felt she needed to comment. In a since deleted tweet, she wrote: “this has been v tough & conflicting on my heart. he uses comedy to help ppl feel better ab how f-ed up things in this world are. we all deal w trauma differently. I of course didn’t find it funny. it was months ago & his intention wasn’t/ is never malicious but it was unfortunate.”

July 23, 2018: Pete deletes all his Instagrams

When Pete Davidson wiped his Instagram account Monday — deleting ALL traces of his beloved fiancé — the Internet started freaking out. Which, after a few short hours in the dark, prompted the comedian to return to the platform to clear up a few things.

“No there’s nothing wrong. No nothing happened. No there’s nothing cryptic about anything,” he explained on Instagram Stories. “I just don’t wanna be on Instagram anymore. Or on any social media platform. The internet is an evil place and it doesn’t make me feel good. Why should I spend any time on negative energy when my real life is fucking lit. The fact that I even have to say this proves my point. I love you all and I’m sure I’ll be back at some point.”

Davidson’s departure from social media seems to have rubbed off on Grande, who responded to a fan saying that she’s also taking a step back from Twitter and Instagram. “Just sometimes can’t help but bump into some negative shit that really can bum u out,” she wrote on Monday, “and it’s not worth it honestly.”

yeh ! i’m prolly gonna post on der for a little while & take a breather from twitter & ig for a little. just sometimes can’t help but bump into some negative shit that really can bum u out and it’s not worth it honestly. promised i’d always tell you. i love u sm ! be well & happy

— Ariana Grande (@ArianaGrande) July 23, 2018

TBH, we’re really going to miss those gross PDA comments you guys leave on each other’s photos.

August 15, 2018: Pete tosses a wrench in our timeline

Okay, so this timeline might be even shorter than we initially thought. When Pete Davidson was interviewed for GQ‘s September issue, he revealed: “The day I met her, I was like, ‘Hey, I’ll marry you tomorrow. She was calling my bluff. I sent her a picture [of engagement rings]. I was like, ‘Do you like any of these?’ She was like, ‘Those are my favourite ones,’ and I was like, ‘Sick.'” The ring he settled on? A 3-carat pear diamond ring — worth $93,000.

October 14, 2018: Pete and Ariana call off the engagement

Well, it seems another one of our young Hollywood relationship timelines has come to its end. A source has confirmed to TMZ that Ariana Grande and Pete Davidson have split after five months of dating, calling of their short engagement. “We’re told the two still have love for each other,” TMZ shared, “but things are over romantically.”

November 1, 2018: Pete jokes about his engagement on SNL

In a new Saturday Night Live promo, Davidson jokingly proposes to musical guest, singer Maggie Rogers. “Hey Maggie, I’m Pete. You wanna get married?” Pete asks.

“No,” Rogers says shaking her head.

“0-for-three,” Davidson says to the camera.

November 1, 2018: Ariana tweets (& deletes) shade at Pete

Then, in what is perceived to be a subtweet at Davidson, Grande tweeted and deleted: “For somebody who claims to hate relevancy u sure love clinging to it huh.”

Ariana Grande just subtweeted Pete Davidson and then said “thank u, next.” pic.twitter.com/WLkNahvwnR

— Ryan Schocket (@RyanSchocket) November 2, 2018

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