#I was gonna skip it cause I didn’t want to mutate either of them

[starryluminary]

We’re not there yet but I’ve been thinking. Would it be funny if I edited the Samkota kiss in revenge (which has Dakota mutated if you forgot) as Noco but Dakotazoid was a big alien Cody.

[dumb-little-trans-writer]

Rust and Black Thorn Trees. Chapter 2.

The girl tiredly wandered, getting increasingly exhausted.

She didn’t know where she was.

She knew nothing.

What Miranda neglected to focus on, however, was the fact that she also transformed when on the brink of death, to attempt to find something, anything, to eat, or to wear.

She saw a pack of lycans.

She silently transformed, as how Mother taught her.

Or, more accurately, beat into her.

She stalked the lycans for the perfect moment.

They grabbed bunnies as though they were chips, the high-pitched screaming echoing through her ears.

As one of the lycans had a rabbits leg in it’s mouth, Dasha struck the lycan closest to her, slashing it’s throat. She quickly moved from lycan to lycan before they could react.

As she transformed back, she immediately started tearing the flesh from the lycans with her teeth. She found that eating right after transforming prevents the nausea and the puking, it doesn’t prevent the leaking of the liquid from her eyes and nose, though.

She binged, knowing that this may be her last meal for a while.

She could smell winter on the horizon, and this was her life for the next six years.

Over these six gruesome years, she was able to find the occasional lost tourist or hunter in the forests surrounding Heisenberg’s Factory.

She stole their weapons, and their clothing.

She found that she preferred men’s clothing.

The girl would transform less and less, using the limited ammo and resources she had.

Karl Heisenberg watched her last hunt, as it was the closest to the factory she’d ever been.

Risky.

Hmm, he thought as he watched her dance with the lycans.

With a shotgun shell to the face, of course.

“Hey, you know, there isn’t anyone who can sell you ammo around here,” Heisenberg said, walking toward the girl. She jumped, cautious, “if you run out, you’re kinda fucked.” he stated, putting out his cigar.

She had heard of Lord Heisenberg. Never met him though.

“What are you implying?” she spat.

“All i’m saying is that running out of shotgun shells during the wintertime, when it’s nearly below zero, can be deadly,” he paused, spitting on the cold leaves, “especially for someone as tiny as you.” he laughed at her glare.

“Don’t call me tiny.” she replied, walking past him.

In the recesses of her mind, she was okay with it.

Heisenberg led Dasha to his factory.

It was loud.

The metal clanging against itself, the periodic releases of steam, and the...chainsaw revving?

Heisenberg opened a hatch, and screamed “SHUT YOUR HOLE, ROTTEN CUNT.”

The revving stopped.

“Is one of your failed experiments down there, Karl?” she teased, taking off her jacket as the humidity made it extremely warm, and uncomfortably sweaty. It revealed how muscular she had grown. She was still slim, but a little buffer from when she was with Her.

He seemed taken aback by her calling him Karl, instead of Lord, or even just his last name.

He liked that she didn’t pay his status any mind, he knows he didn’t give a fuck.

“Maybe. I’ll throw you down there if you decide to say some shit.” Heisenberg said with a slight growl.

“I could take it, i bet.” she purred.

“Don’t tempt me, bitch.” Heisenberg whispered, emphasizing ‘bitch’

The girl lightly skipped down the hallway, amusing Heisenberg.

“If I didn'thave a spare room I'd make you sleep outside.” Heisenberg called. She turned and nodded, “It’s right over here.” he pointed to a door on the side of another hallway. The room they were currently in had the bare necessities, albeit it was a mess.

She really didn’t mind though.

She walked to the room he was talking about, and opened the door to a bed that seemed to be collecting dust.

In fact, everything seemed to be barely touched.

Despite her past with cleaning, she needed to at least dust everything down.

“You got something i can wipe this shit down with? Looks like a tomb in here.” she yelled.

“Yeah, gimme a sec, christ” Heisenberg seemed to be struggling with something. She left the room, confused, and then amused at the sight before her.

He seemed to be trying to fix his oven, or cleaning it, whatever he was doing, he was struggling with it.

“Pfft, need help?” she asked, smirking.

“I’d rather kill myself than get help from you.” he coldly replied, sighing as he took his head out of the oven. His face was slightly stained with ash, and he was sweating. She leaned up again the counter, looking at him with an eyebrow raised. Now that she had a closer look, he seemed to be cleaning to oven judging by the ash stained rag soaked in water he was holding.

“This isn’t how you do it, let me help you.” she demanded. Heisenberg was slightly surprised by this, but silently swallowed a bite of his pride, and stood up, arms crossed.

“So how do YOU do it?” Heisenberg asked in a condescending tone.

“You got baking soda?” she suddenly asked, “’cause we’re gonna need a decent amount.” she added, taking out the oven racks.

“I have a lot of it, i guess.” Heisenberg replied, slightly confused.

“Do you realize how much of a fire hazard this is? I might scrub your entire fucking house down at this rate.” Dasha exclaimed, “where’s the baking soda?”

“There.” he pointed to a cabinet. She opened it and grabbed the tin, holding it for a moment to see if she’d need another one.

“Vinegar?” she asked.

“In the same cabinet.” Heisenberg said, annoyed and impatient.

“This is gonna take a day, I hope you know.” Dasha laughed.

“Fucking WHAT?” Heisenberg asked, shocked.

“Yeah. I have to-”

“I DON’T EVEN KNOW YOUR NAME AND YOU’RE CLEANING MY OVEN.” Heisenberg said, frustrated.

“...Do you wanna know my name?” she asked, pouring baking soda and water into a cup, “or how to clean your own fuckin’ oven?” she said, sarcastically.

“Both’s fine I guess.” Heisenberg rolled his eyes.

“Dasha Jelíneková. That’s my name.”

“Dein Name ist schön...” Heisenberg muttered.

“...what?” Dasha asked, confused.

“Nothin’. Explain why it’s gonna take a day.” he quickly changed topics.

“Well, wiping down the interior with a soaked rag might get some of the grime off, but it won’t get it all off,” she paused as she mixed more baking soda in with the water to make a paste, “deep cleaning your oven like this also helps heat disperse evenly.” she explained.

“Seriously..?” he muttered, thinking about how his last meal was damn-near raw in some spots, and burnt in others.

“So, you take baking soda and water, make a paste with it like this,” she stuck the cup in his face, “you got rubber gloves, right?” she asked.

“Take a fuckin’ guess.” Heisenberg laughed at the question.

“Hand ‘em to me, dickhead.” she said, making a poor attempt to hide a smile.

“By the way, dunno if this has anythin’ to do with you, but i’ve been finding pretty large lycan carcasses that are either brutally killed and then eaten, or seemingly killed in self defense, all of ‘em had gnarly claw marks,” he paused, “know anything about that?” He asked. Her blood ran cold, but she tried to keep her composure. 

“Maybe it was a mutated Lycan.” she quietly said, applying the paste to every crevice in the oven. Heisenberg was confused as to why she was acting strange, and more importantly, how she knew the Lycans were caused by...that.

“Well, uh, keep an eye out, yanno?” Heisenberg uncomfortably laughed in the awkward silence.

“Can you plug the sink, and pour some baking soda on ‘em? Then pour the vinegar on ‘em.”

“Okay...what now?” Heisenberg asked.

“Wait for it to stop foaming, and stick em under the water. In the sink, i mean.” she explained, finishing applying the last of the paste.

“Okay...” he muttered.

“Now, we wait for at least ten hours.”

“...Are you serious?” Heisenberg asked, seemingly shocked.

“Why wouldn’t i be?” she replied, confused.

He looked down, “That doesn’t seem reasonable-”

“You don’t seem to be either, Mister Heisenberg.” she smirked at him.

“You know...” he started, “You should be happy I haven’t chucked you down that chute.” he threatened, towering over her small frame with a hand in her hair, mimicking a ponytail, pulling her close to him. He outwardly smelled like cigar smoke, gasoline, and sweat. His breath reeked of whiskey, his hot breath on her cheek. But she smelled more than just that, due to the experimentation with the Cadou.

She could smell what people feel, she always sort of could, but this was heightened by the experimentation.

This was new, it smelled like a heavy, rich devil’s food cake.

It smelled like sin.

She glanced downward at his crotch, and he was definitely pitching a tent.

“You really don’t want this, Karl.” she whispered. It was true, at least in her mind.

No one should want a monster.

She didn’t even know what she wanted, outside of Her dead.

Staring directly into his eyes, she gently placed her hand on the hand he was using to grip her hair. He violently let go, glaring and walking outside.

He hated how similar, yet different they both were. He wanted her to stay with him, despite barely knowing eachother.

It was a bag of mixed emotions.

Dasha followed behind, she found Heisenberg collecting firewood.

“I’m makin’ hotdogs.” he stated.

“On a fire, I’m assuming?” she asked, “i had to learn how to make a fire by myself. Got good at it too.” she bragged.

Heisenberg ignored her comment, “Can you get the ‘dogs and the buns for me outta the fridge?”

“Sure, what rack are they on?” she asked.

“Figure it out.” he coldly replied.

She scoffed, and went back inside, muttering to herself.

Heisenberg thought for a while while she was inside.

Why did she know about the Cadou? Why does she live in the forest? Is it by choice? I wonder if she’s useful...I wonder if Miranda- he thought. He zoned out, and realized his hands were dangerously close to the fire. He nonchalantly pulled them away, added a little more wood, and grabbed a chair. He thought for a moment, and pulled another chair over from the wood pile.

She came back, hot dog buns and hot dogs in tow.

Heisenberg used his powers to make two metal sticks come to him.

“What the fuck.” she whispered, taken aback.

“Oh. Here.” he said, handing one to Dasha.

“No, what the fuck was that-?” Dasha nervously laughed.

“Oh, yeah. I can do that. Only metal though.” Heisenberg explained.

“Huh.” she replied, giving a bun and a hot dog to him. He stuck the tapered metal point through the middle of the hot dog, and stuck it over the fire.

Dasha did the same.

They sat in uncomfortable silence for what felt like a hour, but really was five minutes.

Heisenberg, obviously, was the first to break the silence.

“So I know you’ve never really mentioned it, but I’m thinkin’ you LIVE in the forest, right?” Heisenberg asked.

“Yeah. Why?” she asked, holding the hot dog above the fire.

“Just haven’t really seen anyone willingly live in the forest.” Heisenberg shrugged. There was another period of silence between them as the fire popped and crackled.

“Do you live in the forest willingly?” Heisenberg asked, taking his hot dog off the metal stick, placing it into the bun.

She looked at him, and opened her mouth to speak, but couldn’t find the words to describe her situation. She blinked a couple times, trying to find the words.

“I don’t know.” she furrowed her brow, and had an unmistakable look of i’m-remembering-things-i-don’t-want-to-think-about. Heisenberg wasn’t amazing with emotions, despite being able to read someone like a book.

“Sorry.” he quietly said, looking away from her.

“You had no way of knowing. It’s fine.” She leaned towards him. Then, she took her hot dog away from the fire, and just ate it off the stick. This sight amused Heisenberg.

“How long have you lived in the forest?” Heisenberg asked with his mouth full.

“Around six years? Hard to keep track.” she said, after swallowing a bite.

“Damn. So how old are you now?”

“I don’t know, around twenty-three, i think?” she replied.

“That checks out.” Heisenberg smugly joked.

“At least I don’t look like I’m from World War II.” she retorted, laughing.

“And what if I am, huh?” Heisenberg joked, knowing he was in fact born around when WWII ended.

“I was kidding, shut the fuck up.” she laughed. Heisenberg realized that he really, really liked her laugh. Maybe it’s from the isolation in the factory, and now he finally has someone that seems to enjoy his company. This feeling scared him, just a little bit.

“Yeah, sure.” he laughed. There was silence again.

“This might be coming out of nowhere, but could you...refer to me as a boy? I know this is strange coming from someone who looks like me, but-” he got cut off.

“I get it, it’s alright. No worries. You got a new name?” he asked.

“Dimitri.”

“Still a pretty name.” Heisenberg muttered.

“I heard that.” Dimitri laughed.

“Oh.”

The both of them finished their hot dogs, and they went inside. It was getting cold.

“Starting tomorrow, you’re gonna help me around the factory. Otherwise I won’t hesitate to throw you out.” Heisenberg threatened.

“Alright, you’re gonna have to show me how it works around here though, depending on my job.” he replied, taking his jacket off. He got into his room and rummaged through his bag, looking for a tank top or something. He found a black one that he looted off of a tourist, and swapped into it. Even when it was freezing outside, it was mildly uncomfortable to wear a sweater like he was. He didn’t even think about his immense number of scars being visible, from various creatures and pitiful self-defense attempts. One benefit from the Cadou was that it gave him a healing factor. The only downside, in his eyes, was that killing himself was impossible. He walked out of the room, and into the living room. Heisenberg was making multiple small metal parts like gears and screws float in a certain fashion, making outlines of various things.

He sat on the couch that looked as though it was about to fall apart.

“You’re almost as scarred up as me,” Karl laughed as he pulled up his shirt, revealing a multitude of scar marks, and a happy trail.

Fuck, okay maybe I do know what I want... he thought. He felt a small tingling around his cheeks, as he laughed. He turned around and pulled up the back of his shirt to reveal some of the worst scars he’s gotten. Heisenberg felt himself tense up, his cheeks went red too.

“Can i..?” he asked as he reached his hand out halfway.

“Touch them? Sure.” Dimitri replied, scooting backwards.

He felt his calloused hands gently trace over all of his scars, even the smaller ones. Despite Karl’s rough and mean demeanor, he was so gentle. His hand gently ran down to his waist. He was surprised, but it was calming.

Karl pulled away, fearful of being intimate with him. He had just met the guy, why did he feel this pull?

“I was okay with that, you know.” he said, facing him and letting his shirt fall back to it’s place. He moved a bit closer, wanting the closeness of someone that he never had. “...Please?”

Heisenberg was confused. He was reluctant because of trust issues, yet Dimitri was the polar opposite?

Why did he come here..?

I wanted to use him as an experiment, why-?

“No.” he stated, “I can’t.”

He wordlessly left, Dimitri assuming into his room.

He sighed, and left into 'his' room too.

"Shit." he muttered, thinking about how bad that was. Dimitri went to sleep, trying to forget the entire damn day.

[silverryu25]

Ooooooo the dance scene in beast au will be a fav part of mine. Especially beast red waiting and seeing red from the top of stars in a beautiful blue dress looking dolled up. I can imagine beast red tail wagging and heart eye lights seeing sans. And oh god would beast red be a blushing disaster at sans pretty face. And I bet he’s get jealous of Aaron trying to always woo sans when sans tells him about him. I can imagine sans rejecting him a lot and avoiding him.

Noonies... just cause you are so freaking sweet you get this today instead of tomorrow, ok? I’m gonna stay up late just to spoil you both XD

-------------------

Red was standing at the bottom of the stairs, nervously fixing up the suit his staff made him wear. He wasn’t sure why he couldn’t just wear his usual clothes and his bulky jacket. They helped hide some of his more demonic mutations, helped even out his form, make it look more like he did before the curse. But these clothes? They hid practically nothing.

Don’t misunderstand, the clothes were beautiful. The finest you could get in the whole kingdom. Made from a silken material that hugged his bones perfectly, showing off the rippling magic that filled them out. Red was strongly built. Not thin by a long shot, but built like a solid wall of muscle. Still, his bones had been deformed by the curse, bending at weird angles, spikes in places there shouldn’t be any, sickly colouring in spots that made the bone look weak, even if it wasn’t. He was just a mess. And these clothes hid almost nothing of it. The spikes and bumps were visible through them, barely hidden behind the well-fitted clothing.

He was sweating badly, nervous about what Sans would think when he saw him like this. He cursed and double cursed his non-existent brain for asking Sans to a dance. That whole thing, the spur of the moment inspiration, was just another curse he had to suffer. He couldn’t even think straight, his nerves fraying. Maybe it would be better if he just ran? Before Sans came down? Say the curse was getting to him, that he didn’t feel well?

Quickly, he started up the stairs, but just as he put his foot on the first step he heard a shuffling sound from the top of the stairs. Feeling dread course through his bones, sockets wide, he froze. He couldn’t make himself look up, couldn’t-

“red?” A soft inquiry made his mind freeze, and before he could stop himself his head shot up, eyelights trained on Sans.

All thoughts stopped.

Red’s mind was completely blank, all he could think about was the sight before him. And it was gorgeous.

Sans was standing at the top of the stairs, head tilted and a soft smile on his face. He was wearing a blue ball gown, that showed off his clavicle and arms, and flared out below his waist, making it look almost like he was floating. The gown was blue, going from a lighter hue at the top and darkening until it almost looked black at the bottom edges, and it was covered in tiny shining jewel-like stars that glittered with every breath Sans took.

He looked like art come to life.

But what shocked Red the most was the lack of any judgment or disgust on Sans’ face. His soft smile showed only amusement at Red’s apparent attempt at escape. There was no fear or scorn either. Nothing that Red was used to seeing on people who saw him clearly.

Red stared, mouth hanging open, unmoving. With a soft chuckle and a graceful descent down the stairs, Sans was suddenly standing in front of him, using one hand to gently close Red’s hanging mouth.

“you okay there, red?” Sans teased, giving him a knowing wink, making Red furiously blush and stutter out a confirmation... maybe? He wasn’t making a lot of sense but it looked like Sans understood.

The smaller skeleton offered his hand to Red, which the scared monster hesitatingly took. Sans might have mesmerized him, but he didn’t want to chance hurting the small monster on any of his spikes or edges. It wouldn’t do to end their date before it began, especially in such a horrible way.

Before Red could think himself into another panic, Sans pulled him towards the big doors that led to the ballroom. Red didn’t expect the lazybones monster to be this excited over something like dancing, but there was a clear sparkle in Sans’ sockets and a skip in his steps proving Red’s assessment wrong yet again. He smiled, happy to learn something new about the monster walking hand in hand with him.

The moment they entered the ballroom Red’s nerves started fraying again. Fuck. He didn’t think about what will happen next! Dancing. He knew it would be dancing. But he didn’t think how this will go. He knew how to dance, in theory, but it was ages since he even practised, let alone danced with a partner. What if he hurt Sans with his claws or spikes in his clumsiness? What if he tripped and fell on Sans? What if-

A gentle hand stopped him and made him turn his gaze downward. There was Sans, smiling up at him, eyelights shining as brightly as the little stars dotting his gown, one hand gently pulling on Red’s, placing the big clawed “paw” onto his delicate waist. Red hesitated still, unsure if he should touch Sans, but with a determined nudge, Sans pushed Red’s hand flush with his body.

The touch made a satisfying bolt of excitement shoot up Red’s hand, making his body shiver a little and Red freeze in shock. Sans quickly used that to take Red’s other hand into his own, squeezing it gently, a sign that he was ready for the bigger monster to take the lead.

Hesitatingly, Red looked at his partner, trust shining brightly from that perfect monster in front of him. Painfully slowly, Red stepped forward, expecting the worst to happen. But Sans followed, as if it was the most natural thing to ever happen, and nothing bad happened. So Red took another step, and another, and another. And he could feel Sans following, his body moving to match his lead. It was... intoxifying.

The little monster was so tiny in his big cursed hands. So soft and delicate. It felt like Red could crush him with one squeeze of his fist. But there was no fear or hesitation in that body. Sans moved freely, with complete trust, shining like a gem, his gown twirling around, sparkling, making the room seem as if the starry night sky blessed this dance,

With a booming laugh, followed by a softer one, Red spun Sans around and then pulled him close, tilting him back. Their sockets met, Sans’ sparkling like stars, blush spreading on his cheeks and down his neck. Red could feel his sockets itch in a weird way, as if their shape changed. He had a moment to hope they didn’t turn into anything embarrassing (like hearts) before Sans’ drew him back in, melting any worry away and making his own cheeks feel hot, sockets lidding as he leaned forward-

Quickly Red pulled back, straightening himself and Sans up. He almost did something he would probably regret. With a cough and a look to Sans (did he look disappointed?), Red offered his hand again, pulling Sans close once the smaller happily accepted. 

They danced like this for a while, Sans pulling close and cuddling up to Red when the moment let him. It made Red’s soul beat faster and he was sure he would be purring if he could spare the breath.

They stopped only when they were both thoroughly winded, breath coming out fast and hard, be it from dancing or laughing in glee over the closeness and the warm atmosphere.

Red took Sans out to the balcony, to catch their breath and talk. To enjoy the beauty of the night sky, that paled in comparison to the star standing in front of Red, shining on his darkness, making him feel like he was worth something again.

-------------------

And done! I really hope you like this noonies! I gotta say that I absolutely loved writing it out and... I gotta get me some drawing skills to draw Sans in that dress >.>

One detail about Red’s appearance. Since he is supposed to be cursed to look like a beast, i.e. a monster, I decided to give him a more “deformed” than beast-like appearance because he started out as a monster, and we all know that there are beast-like monsters (wolfs, tigers etc.) that are considered normal. So instead of just looking like a beast, his whole body is “deformed”. Red’s face isn’t much different to his original one, just his teeth look more menacing and dangerous and his body does have a more beast like build, with digitrade legs and a daily. The main change is that his whole body (even his skull) has these bumps, spikes and discolorations growing and making him look like he’s sick and in the process of mutating. Since skeleton monsters usually have clean and healthy looking bones, shaped in many forms (be it human or animal like), the deformities done to Red’s bones are what make him a “beast” to reflect the evil in his soul that got him cursed :3

Red usually wears his bulky jacket and wide clothes to hide some of the deformities, but here he’s wearing a fancy suit fitted to his frame. So practically nothing is hidden. The staff that made the suit wanted to prove to Red, and to themselves, that Sans wasn’t repulsed by Red, that his feelings went beyond what was on the outside.

... I would say they succeeded, no? ;3

Hope you liked this! I didn’t reread so there are probably quite a few mistakes, but I hope it reads ok.

[touchmycoat]

5, 6 (i already know this is some insane amount), 9, 10, 16, 23, 26 (house)

BAAABE :*

5. What is the perfect environment for you to write in?

my office cubicle apparently kdsjfnksd

no but genuinely anywhere i can zone out. i make faces & mutter to myself when i write tho so, anywhere where that wouldn’t draw weird glances lmfao

6. If you’re really concentrating, how many words can you write in a day?

bahahaha i think Farmer’s Almanac holds the record rn—10k, give or take.

9. Do you prefer to write AUs, canon divergence, or canon-compliant fic?

#selfintrospection, my pattern per fandom seems to be starting with canon divergence! I’m a side characters ho, y’all know this, so I always like to recenter the narrative & get a surer foothold in my own interpretations of character first. but after that.... no preference! I love (and have written) all three to great enjoyment heheheh just depends on where i wanna see ‘em fuck

10. Do you enjoy writing dialogue, exposition, or plot the most?

NFJDNFJDNFJD HOW CAN I CHOOSE

Exposition is sexy, and i get to be the most experimental & excessive & self-indulgent here w/ style choices.

Dialogue is sexy, ‘cause voices and humor and dirty talk and heartbreak and communication!!! I’m a movie ho so i’m all about that plot-driving script game ;;;;

Plot is sexy ‘cause that’s where you get to fuck around with all the canon themes, subvert & avert & redistribute them!!!!!!!! I’m a slut for that!!!!!!!!!

can’t choose won’t choose :’D

16. What is your most underrated fic?

LMFAO you know i’m gonna say Sword of the Yi Maiden ;) she’s basically like, our child ;;

23. If you had to remix one of your own fics, which would it be and how would you remix it?

well once i sort out the single dad!Song Lan universe, i’d loooooove to switch gears & swerve into single dad!Xiao Xingchen B) just for kicks. But where Song Lan is like, a high school lit teacher and A-Qing is our favorite local delinquent child. XXC gets called in for a parent-teacher conference, and he’s actually kind of dreading it at first because AQ honestly never had too many complaints about the English teacher, so if this Song Laoshi was suddenly going to betray his daughter’s trust and tattle on her XXC would def take AQ’s side.

But! Turns out SL’s calling him in to be like “hey, AQ never does homework but is fine with participating in class if i kind of trick her into arguing about it, so i figured she just really doesn’t like being told what to do. That’s fine! But that also means I don’t think she’ll respond well to me sitting her down to talk about her higher education options, so I figured I’d run it past the parent first to see if you have any thoughts about how we’re going to proceed.”

it’d be SO fucking funny... AQ stops skipping class or stops zoning out the moment she catches onto her dad’s little ~thing for Song Laoshi. She starts challenging him in class instead on every little thing (”yeah but don’t you think it’s inherently racist to require us to read conrad at all, if there are so many books out there written by actual African postcolonial authors”) but he’s just happy she’s engaging so they bond

they’re both super proud and near tears at graduation, and AQ is too but to hide her own embarrassingly feelings she’s like “don’t pretend y’all aren’t just crying ‘cause you can finally date each other now that it won’t be fucking WEIRD for me”

26. Which part of House was the hardest to write?

hmmmmm I think I had the most number of false starts w ch. 3!! i never save shit rip but at one point i straight up had like.... 13 pages all blacked out? Oh i remember, the scene where AQ first tests SL. I had that set in like, the breakfast stall, in a busy street, a quiet street, etc. etc. I was putting each of their conversations in different contexts too, just seeing how they would play out based on the surroundings??? i even thought about dropping AQ’s POV completely at one point but I’m very glad i didn’t. The current version is actually the very first opening for the chapter i ever wrote so, el oh el, i try not to think all that effort went to waste. It’s more like, I had some ideas, but i had to prove none of them would work before i could proceed with this one, y’know?

BUT TELL YOU WHAT I DID SAVE THO. The first draft of the Ch. 2 opening? After I wrote this i was like “yikes this is way too conventional a set-up for a flashback let’s just do it,” and wrote the current version on ao3 lmao. I kept the chapped knuckles thing~

Under the Cut:

((Behind the Scenes of Fic Writing Asks!))

Song Lan stood at the entrance of his room in the inn, fist clenched hard around Fuxue’s hilt as the rain came in. Night had been the herald, and now, the lantern at the top of the stairs to Song Lan’s left was flickering wildly, buffeted about by the stormy wind.

The inn’s owner, an older woman in her 50s, spoke a string of worried utterances as she hurried up the stairs to close the window. As her hands approached the latch though, Song Lan sensed bloodthirst. Fuxue went flying.

The woman screamed, but the harm was over; a mutated critter of a hungry ghost slumped against the window frame, pinned there by Fuxue’s cool blade. Instead of closing the window for her, Song Lan pressed two paper talismans on either side. He pulled out Fuxue and watched the hungry ghost dissipate.

“Daozhang, daozhang, gratitude,” the woman wept. “A few here and there is nothing, you know? But once they begin to stay, and bigger things start to come, and we have young ones in the house, oh, it terrifies me, what state this city has been falling into…”

Fuxue returned to its sheathe, and Song Lan still had his fly-whisk tucked in his arm. He gave the inn owner a polite bow.

“I will attempt an extermination tonight.”

“Daozhang is so reliable,” the woman said, tears instantly transforming into simpering gratitude. Her distress had been in part a show, meant to move Song Lan into action. Song Lan did not mind; this was his third night at the inn, after all, and the second time the inn owner’s requested a favor from him. It stood to reason that she would think he needs more affective convincing, even if she’s wrong.

“I may trouble you for tea upon my return,” he murmured. When the woman reached out to pat his elbow in a matronly gesture, Song Lan stepped back, disguising the gesture as a readjustment of his robes as he replaced the stack of talismans back in his sleeve.

“Of course,” she replied, hand waving in the air before lowering back down to her side. A spot of tension eased at the base of Song Lan’s neck. “The stove never stops burning in our kitchen, particularly when we have guests. Just give our door a knock if the evening chef isn’t around. We’ll take care of you.”

Song Lan was grateful. He’d need the hot drink when he returned from the rain—soaking in the deluge always left his skin feeling beaten and bloated. And the sensation, if untreated, never failed to transform itself into two long iron nails hammered deep into his skull and brain. The pain was best avoided if at all possible.

(Xiao XingChen knew this about him. Nothing’s ever eased the migraines faster than XingChen’s smile as he wordlessly pushed a cup of hot water or tea across the table. Nothing’s ever distracted Song Lan from the pain more effectively than wondering exactly what would happen, if XingChen’s fingers lingered and his own could touch, just lightly, those perpetually chapped knuckles.)

(Take better care of yourself, Song Lan had once chastised when blood came seeping up between cracked skin.

I forget to, XingChen had confessed, sheepish lines crinkling around his eyes.

Had Song Lan been anybody else, he would’ve said out loud what he wished he could’ve said out loud: I’ll do it then.

Had Song Lan been anybody else, he would’ve thumbed a layer of protective grease over Xiao XingChen’s dry hands himself, save them both the need for cheesy lines and impotent promises. Words often got him into trouble, he knew this; he much preferred the vows made in every shared action that was mutually fostered into consistency. But what did it say about him, that his hands flinched from touch and Xiao XingChen walked at a careful radius around him, that he couldn’t make a vow on any level that counted?)

The extermination was no reprieve from the discomfort, the dissatisfaction, the disassembly of it all. The sky was falling apart and so was his skin. Moderation was less a stranger to Song Lan than longing, but tonight, the berating of his body was not moderated at all.

A year of searching, over, just like that.

An opportunity to apologize, gone, just like that.

A promise.

A dream.

So do you like him then? You want to really build a family with him?

Gone. Just like that.

[fanfic-inator795]

Headcanons and thoughts about Warren and Hypno/Hippoworm (is that the ship name? *shrugs*)

I had a LOT of shipping thoughts about these two while at work today, so I hope you guys like hearing about them:

Because of getting his mezmeroo attack redirected back at him, Hypno doesn’t remember his and Warren’s first meeting. Though if someone told him about it - and about Warren ruining his plan - he honestly wouldn’t hold THAT big of a grudge over it, just because he can’t remember enough to be upset and it’s so far in the past now it doesn’t even seem to matter

Given that they didn’t interact much in ‘Stuck on You’, Hypno doesn’t remember that meeting either. Literally his first impression of this strange worm man is him literally dragging a chair into the ELoM meeting and then straight up zapping a hotel worker. So… pretty good first impression

Warren on the other hand, who does remember their first meeting, was not at all impressed with Hypno at first and just considered him to be a sub-standard villain at best. (he’s kinda jelly of just how big and tall he got to be thanks to his mutation though)

A few days after ‘Evil League of Mutants’/getting blasted off again by a turtle with a ladder, Hypno runs into a rather down and depressed looking Warren who’s just wandering around alone. Not knowing him very well though liking him well enough, Hypno stops him and invites him back to his place for tea

(the semi-flashback during Warren’s big speech in WaHSiaT, the bit where Hypno pulls the paper off a sad Warren with a five o’clock shadow is a dramatization of this. Gotta make it sadder to pull on the heartstrings, lol. Also where was his gauntlet in that scene?)

The two start hanging out regularly after that, mostly just talking or watching tv together - which is where they get their love of making fun of people on tv together

Warren also really appreciates Hypno’s genuine kindness and gentleness - and the fact that he doesn’t forget who he is, heh

He tries to be nice to Hypno in return because of this, even if he sometimes still talks a bit too much about himself at times. Hypno doesn’t mind too much

The point where they first open up to each other - Hypno revealing how he lost his hippo Doug and Warren being genuine about just how much being forgotten and losing his career hurt - is the big turning point in their relationship.

Are we ever gonna learn what happened to Doug, btw? Like, seriously what’s the story there? and while we’re at it why does Warren hate the turtles so much? 

Hypno: “We may have lost a lot through all this… But, hey, we found each other, right? So, maybe it’s not all bad.” Warren decides that he agrees.

He moves into Hypno’s place shortly after

Originally Warren agreed to be Hypno’s magical assistant just to try and get his face back out there and earn some fans, but eventually found that he also liked helping Hypno and making him happy

Warren just naturally sits on Hypno’s shoulder or head when they watch tv, Hypno not minding at all (besides, makes it easier to cuddle)

their fave gameshows to watch (and make fun of) are Wheel of Fortune, The Price is Right and America’s Got Talent (Hypno likes making fun of the bad magic acts, and when the acts are amazing Warren will tell him they’re not NEARLY as amazing as him)

When Warren has a bad day, Hypno will wash/condition his hair and give him a scalp massage, letting his roomie vent all he wants while Hypno scrubs his troubles away

When Hypno has a bad day, Warren will get him fresh fruit, something Hypno’s loved ever since his mutation

On one occasion: “Kiwis for my favorite kiwi!” “…*sigh* You just couldn’t resist, eh?” “Nope!” 

Warren also gets Hypno flowers sometimes, since Hypno really seems to like them

Hypno may or may not be keeping the first bouquet Warren ever bought him - yellow tipped with red roses - alive with magic

Trying to be as proper and dignified as possible, Hypno almost never curses - which means Warren totally teases him whenever he lets a ‘bugger’ or a ‘god dammit’ slip

Warren on the other hand couldn’t care less about swears. He doesn’t swear every other sentence or anything - I’d imagine it would be hard to get a job in television if that were the case - but if he’s really worked up or angry he won’t try to censor himself

For the first few weeks of their relationship, Google was Warren’s best friend. Now, Warren knows (almost) every New Zealand phrase there is

Going off his ‘my golden voiced amigo’ line, Hypno loves listening to Warren sing to himself whenever he’s in the shower (technically the bathroom sink since he’d just end up getting washed down the shower drain but w/e)

This also means that karaoke nights between the two of them are frequent

Their first Big Fight was over Hypno’s doves continuing to try and eat Warren and Warren nearly zapping their feathers off. 

It wasn’t bad enough to break them up, but Warren was all pissy and purposely annoying the rest of that day while Hypno just gave him the cold shoulder

After a day of this they got lonely and missed each other, so they apologized to each other and Hypno spent the rest of that week diligently training his doves

Hypno’s rabbits, on the other hand, Warren doesn’t mind at all, and if one is out and hopping about and Hypno isn’t there, Warren will usually pet it/curl up on it

Warren’s a naturally fairly neat and tidy person, so he doesn’t mind too much when Hypno skips out on his side of the chores, even if he’s still slightly annoyed

to make up for this, Hypno does most of the cooking around the place and always has a cup of coffee or tea waiting for his roomie/best friend/boyfriend

When they first realized Warren and the Gauntlet were being hunted down by Draxum, Warren tried to leave, genuinely worried about Hypno’s safety even if he tried to play it off at first

Hypno refuses. “I can’t lose you too!”

This is the first time they tell each other they love each other (with how naturally Warren said it in WaHSiaT, that couldn’t have been the first time)

Warren fell into a depressive state after losing ‘Charlotte’. Hypno comforted him the best he could, but after a couple days passing with nothing changing, Hypno thought that maybe Warren was mad at him for the role he played in losing the gauntlet. So, Hypno spent the whole day and a good part of the night out of the apartment, figuring he should just give Warren some space

This led to him coming back and finding Warren in the middle of a complete and total emotional breakdown

He’s sad and angry about losing his cool power glove, but even moreso, he’s afraid that without it not only is he weak, but he’s truly forgettable and useless - even to the people he loves most and who love him. His Channel 6 co-workers forgot about him, why wouldn’t Hypno eventually?

This led to LOTS of apologizing/comforting/reassuring/hugs and kisses on Hypno’s part, with Warren eventually crying himself out on Hypno’s shoulder and the two of the sleeping on the couch together

After going back to Clem’s and not finding another magic artifact that feels as ‘right’ as the gauntlet did and discovering that a simple handgun would send him through a freaking wall on recoil, Warren decided to just have a taser on him as his new weapon. At least a taser is similar enough to a lightning-shooting gauntlet. He names it Charlotte the 2nd.

Hypno also uses his magic to shrink down a couple of his razor rings to give to Warren. Even if Warren can’t control their aim with magic, they still cause a decent amount of damage to an enemy with a hard enough throw.

Despite practically being together since Warren moved in, when the two of them officially decide to go from best friends to boyfriends they end up inviting all their old ELoM mates over to celebrate and announce the good news (minus Draxum, naturally). Todd and the Sando Brothers are happy for them, Repo could care less, and Meatsweats says congrats but is mostly just trying to figure out how to get Warren alone so he can maybe get a taste of his regeneration powers

He gets smacked on the snout with Hypno’s wand and nearly takes a razor ring to his face for his troubles.

Hypno still tries to help Warren with his plans whenever he’s a particular ‘revenge against those dang turtles’ mood and Warren will assist when Hypno has a scheme of his own, but mostly the two of them keep each other satisfied enough that they spend most of their time hanging out, watching tv and practicing magic (and cuddling/kissing) together

PHEW! Like I said, I had a lot. BUT I hope you guys liked it! ^v^ btw, I may turn that whole emotional breakdown bit into a Hippoworm oneshot, but if any hardcore Warren and Hypno shippers wanna steal that idea, go for it! *thumbs up* ^v^

[guettaes]

Found You - Leon S. Kennedy x Reader Deviantart @yuuki332

Leon was on edge ever since you his partner since after the Raccoon City infection took place was suddenly noted as 'Missing'. The president had told Leon he set out other agents to search for you but they ended up coming back empty handed or plain out right dead.

It wasn't long till the new virus hit and sadly the president was turn, forcing Leon to shoot him in order for Helena to be saved. Even though he found himself fighting thorough yet another outbreak that brought bad memories he still tried to look for you as they checked in places where ever they went to make sure it was either clear or in search for what they had needed.

"What's wrong?" Helena asked as she noticed his quick movements for a while now.

"It's nothing." He replied not wanting to bring it up yet.

"It has to be something, come on...were partners for this." Helena told.

Sighing Leon slumped his shoulders and turned to her, stopped walking he looked right at her.

"My partner for most missions....and my girlfriend...has been missing for almost a year now." He told her.

"What?" Helena whispered.

"Her name is (Y/N) (L/N), I met her back in Raccoon City along with two others....we have been working together ever since." He finished then walked off to hurry and get this thing over with.

Helena was kind of shocked, a skilled agent like you got kidnapped? It was true she heard of you cause of people either talking out loud or whispering to one another about the 'missing agent' but she also knew from kind of reading files that you were skilled in hand-to-hand combat and had good speed and reflects...but you were human so it wasn't like you were always on point.

Even skilled agents would get caught off guard sometimes, but she could feel the emotion coming off Leon. He blamed himself for not noticing anything sooner...for not being able to protect you more.

Though in Leon's mind he knew he wouldn't give up until he at least seen a body, no...you weren't dead he wouldn't believe that at all. You've gotten shot a couple of times yet lived through it.

'She's okay...I just got to find her soon...' He thought.

----

A dark room with a metal door in the far end only had the light of the moon shining down. A single figure laid on the cold hard ground, arms bound behind their back. Cuts and wounds covered their body by countless of beatings for having a smart mouth at some words or not even telling the captor where what they had been looking for was.

Yup....in this very room was you.

Breathing heavy you had your eyes closed you (H/C) bangs covered your eyes, that was one of your annoyance with your hair, but didnt ever dare cutting it. The room though had no way to get out..the window was to high to climb out from and the metal door was only able to lock from the outside..so with all the faith you had left you waited.

You knew Leon would find you, and no matter how long it took you'd believe in him and wait.

"I'm waiting Leon....come for me soon..." You whispered.

----

Leon and Helena were finally able to kill Simmons and make him pay for the shit he had put the city into and everything else, now his mind was back on you.

Where were you?

"Leon, before we head back lets try looking for her." Helena suggested.

"We don't even know where she is." He sighed.

As if someone was reading their minds a call came through to Leon's phone, it was Hunnigan.

"Hunnigan? What is it?" Leon asked.

"I believe I have finally figured out (Y/N) location." She replied.

"Really? Where?" Helena asked.

"At some island south from where you are now. I traced back where the location was the moment a message came through." Hunnigan replied.

"Message?" Leon asked.

"Yes...you might want to not see this Leon...but it was sent in five minutes ago..." Hunnigan frowned and sent the video to Leon's phone.

Leon raised his free hand while Helena took control of the helicopter, he wasn't sure what would be shown but he knew inside it couldn't be something good from Hunnigan's words.

But he had to know what happened to you.....so he pressed play..

**In The Video**

"Why hello their Agent Kennedy, gotcha little girl friend here." A males voice spoke out.

"What shall I do to you to get a message across?" He laughed.

Picking you up he resulted into beating you, your yells of pain even coughs when his foot connected with your stomach was heard. The camera was moved to be more closer to you showing your new formed wounds.

"Now Agent Kennedy this girl sure is strong, know how to pick them huh?" The male laughed as the camera shook to prove the bastards enjoyment for hurting you.

"I wonder though...would it hurt..." He started.

What happened next made Leon have his eyes widen slightly and flinch.

The damn man moved the camera along with him and showed a metal bar that had been bent, it seemed to look like a crowbar but it was far from it. Hearing the males laughter as he placed it in a fire pit it was for the moment Leon knew what would happen next...

The bastard was gonna leave a reminder on you..one that would maybe even make you remember this torture.

"Say hello to some heat." The male cackled with laughter.

Placing the burning metal on your back your scream was so loud, it left a scar right there in the same shape of the metal bar that was placed there.

"A little reminder of her hell." The guy laughed and ended the video.

**Video End**

"That was all that was sent...." Hunnigan finally spoke after a few minutes of silence.

"My god...." Helena managed to get out from what she had heard.

"Who is this man?" Leon asked doing his best to control his anger.

"We don't know, since he didn't show his face and seemed to distort his voice...we are guessing it's someone smart..." Hunnigan replied.

"Alright....we will return with (Y/N) cause as of now....Helena and I are gonna go after her." Leon told.

"Okay be careful there and keep me posted, I'll get a medical team set up for the signal." Hunnigan told before hanging up the call.

Putting his phone away he helped Helena with the helicopter, he was gonna save you no question there at all.

---

Your back hurt like hell, the burn mark was hurting so bad that you didn't dare move. Knowing it would scar over you decided to think of something else rather then how much pain your were in. Actually you thought of someone else. Closing your eyes you pictured being at home with Leon..small smile on your face formed as you knew that soon very soon you'd see him again.

And just how right you were indeed.

---

An hour passed and both Leon and Helena set the helicopter down on a clearing. Pulling their hand guns out they looked around then soon found a big building in the distance.

"That must be where she's being held." Leon spoke.

"Then let's go!" Helena replied.

Like usual they had to get through a lot of things that were set up to keep people away, traps even lasers. Heck even zombies or mutated undead people, seemed like this guy got his hands on some virus. That was one thing he had to make sure to not let roam free.

"Damn this place got infected too?" Helena asked.

"I'm not sure..who ever this is must of got their hands on some of it.." Leon replied.

It took a while before they finally found a door to get inside of the said building. Apparently this guy was rich cause the room they were in was huge and well sorted out. Putting their ear pieces in they nodded at one another and went each way to look for you.

Leon to the left, and Helena to the right.

They would find you soon, and that was a silent promise.

---

"Looks like we got some visitors...." The male grinned as he watched from the monitors.

"Oh my dear (Y/N)...this will be a fun game to play." The male laughed pulling his hood off his head.

The male had short brow hair and green eyes, though his green eyes held nothing but arrogance, and insanity. He was the guy at one point you were suppose to stop but he ended up clearing his path and getting away.

His name...Shiron.

Shiron was one guy that admired the whole ideal of the virus so much that he stole one sample and set it off through out his island's people. The bastard didn't care if the people of this island that was once peaceful and beautiful...his care wasn't even there he didn't give two shits about all the lives he killed.

"Welcome to my game." He smirked.

---

Leon looked through every door but found nothing but empty bedrooms, this was growing more and more frustrating for him but he kept this feeling back and focused on finding you. He just simply had to.

Soon the two had regrouped and shook their heads, this was so hard on Leon that he believed this was missed information.

But the idiots sure love to spout about their evil plans don't they?

Clapping was hear from the high staircase, their guns raised towards the guy. Shiron walked down the stairs slowly.

"So you lived through my little puppets, wow this game is fun!" He laughed.

"Where's (Y/N)?!" Leon shouted.

"Ah...the girl...strong women she sure is." He laughed remembering what he had done to you.

"The hell you do all that to her for?!" Helena spoke next.

"I was just sending you guys a message." He smirked.

"Message of what?" Leon asked not having a good feeling.

"This!" He pressed a button.

"The names Shiron, remember that as you die!" Shiron laughed.

Doors from either side opened and B.O.W's walked out leaving Shiron to be able to get away.

"Wait!" Leon shouted shooting the guy in the side.

A yelp was heard but that didn't stop Shiron from getting the hell out of there, leaving the two agents to deal with the B.O.W's.

**Time Skip**

Since the B.O.W's were now dead the two ran up the stairs and rushed down the hall Shiron went. Lucky for them the mans blood lead his path. And it was all because of the single bullet that Leon shot at him.

Following it they came to the door where it had a small pool of blood, it was indeed the metal door you were in.

"This is it.." Leon whispered.

"Let's go." Helena replied in a whisper.

Opening it as quick as he could from the metal door they quickly got in and pointed their guns at Shiron. Who had you in his arms with a knife to your throat. Of course you were passed out and unknown to the events unfolding.

"One move and I slice her throat." He warned.

"It's over give up." Helena glared.

"Hand her over." Leon demanded.

This went on for a moment longer before Leon had quickly got him away from you and Helena took the chance to knock him out.

With that now clear Leon cut the ropes around your wrists and took you into his arms.

"(Y/N)?" He asked.

When you didn't answer he placed his ear on your chest, hearing your heart still beating he sighed in relief and smiled at you. He finally did it...he found you.

Though the reunion was cut sort since he got a call by Hunnigan.

"Did you find her?" She asked once Leon answered.

"Yeah, she's passed out but she's alive." Leon answered.

"Good there should be a medical team soon arriving on the island, get to the front. And do not worry more agents will come there to rid of whatever is on there." Hunnigan told.

Once the call ended he put his phone back in his pocket and picked you up into his arms, rushing to get out of this building he found himself soon outside and once the medical team noticed him they rushed over and took you from his arms and hurried back to the aircraft to give you some medical attention.

***Few Days Later***

When word got out of Agent (L/N) being found the agents around were relieved you were back, alive and safe. Some visited your hospital room and some even left flowers and get well cards. The doctors were able to help you with the wounds you got...but the burn mark indeed would leave a scar.

Leon though didn't leave your side, not even for a second. Course that didn't mean he didn't go home he did indeed go there to take a shower and eat but other then that he refused to leave.

Since a few days went by and you weren't awake Leon grew even more worried about you even if you were in a stable state.

Though that worry washed away when he saw your hand twitch and your eyes opening.

"Leon?" You whispered.

"Hey." He smiled.

"I knew you'd come for me." You smiled back.

Leon chuckled and leaned over, pressing his lips to yours for a soft kiss that had be long waited. He'd tell you soon from what you missed but for now he wanted you to recover and be okay enough to be told.

He found you, and you knew that in time he would. And here you are now safe and right back where you belong.

With him.

[pchlarz]

Minecraft could have such a cool lore and game mechanics

So I played minecraft since I was like 13 or something, when the thing was still in early beta. I still play it, but after half an hour tops I just lose interest and quit. The game isn’t challenging, the world seems empty and npc and animals like wind up toys than anything else. I know minecraft is a canvas you have to paint on, but I was always more into the idea of Minecraft as a world you have to tame and grow into. There are mods that do that, like rlcraft (which im not gonna play cause the lycanite mobs don’t fit into the games art style and ice and fire mobs are straight up unfair). And you know, since I have a script, dissertation, stop motion animation to do this semester for my Filmmaking Uni, I’ve been thinking about minecraft a lot. Procrastination, am I right my dudes?

I have no idea how to make mods, I can barely use Java to install Optifine for crying out loud, but I can write a couple hundred words post on this hellsite that no ones gonna read, cause it’s literally my first post, and no one can stop me! Also maybe somebody’s gonna get inspired and make it. No need to credit me, just let me play it XD

The World and Lore, I guess

So, let’s get one thing straight... Is the Minecraft world post apo? Like let’s be real for a second. The player is the only human specimen in the entire world. There are villigers that are vaguely humanoid, but they are definately “The other” some ofshoot of the human race than actual human beings. Zombies and skeletons seem to share the player’s anatomy but they’re undead, therefore dead, therefore had to be alive at some point. So yeah, let’s work with that! 

Let’s say that in a distant future, like distant enough for new subspecies of homo sapiens had time to evolve with enough pressure. The human world died after they opened the portal to the End. This allowed magic to seap into the world, boosting the technology but also corrupting people it cam across with. Like why is the Ender Dragon dropping more exp than your PC is able to handle? Cause she’s the source of all magic! Why do monsters drop it? Cause it’s what reanimated/mutated them. So according to this, fucking with the eldritch magic balls is what created the zombie virus, destroying the human race. Also the End is the moon. Like not our moon. Opening the portal didn’t just link the worlds together, it straight up teleported the End into the earth orbit, destroying the native moon and replacing it. And that’s why the monster’s only come up night, cause that’s when the End holds the most influence over the overworld. 

But what about the villigers? Just descendents of humans who have survived the apocalypse. Some adopted peaceful agrocultural approach to survive, sharing and caring and being lovely anarchocommunist communities. The other ones living according to the “Survival of the Fittest” evolving into the illigers. But that’s only the two races that are already in the game. Since it’s supposed to be a mod adding shit, lets get some new races! The dwarves have been talked about by the developers so let’s add them. Shorter and stockier than humans, with glowing eyes and not so much beards as just thick fur on their bodies. The underground is cold after all. Also descended from humans, this time those that had enough brains to burrow themselves underground.They just chill in caves, building something like big ant colonies. You could trade with them just like villigers, although instead of emeralds they’d want silver (We need like shitload of new ores, my good people). Oh, and they wouldn’t be pacifist like villigers, if you piss them off, they will mine you to pieces. You could also find them in random caves mining their own business (XD) and by business i mean resources you could mine yourself. And so if you’re a bellend, you could straight up murder them and grab their stuff and have your ores left unmolested. Or you could pay them off to share the loot, giving you a temporary partner with basically x ray vision, leading you to more ores, than you’d find yourself. But at the end of the day, you’d be obligated to split what you found 50/50, meaning that you could get more stuff than on your own, or less, depending on your in real life luck. Boom, reasons for morals. 

I’d like to see a basic faction system, based on which aspect of the game the player finds most appealing. If you’re the kind of a peaceful player who just wants to build and farm, the villigers are your people. They’d gladly take you in if you build, farm and trade for them. If you’re into conquest and looting Pilligers could use your skill to cut some Villigers throats. And if you want mining and exploration, The dwarves wll take you in. Ofcourse you can just be your own person and solo the entire thing, and no one will nag you. 

Character Customination and Skills

I want roleplay, man. Skins are cool but what if on one save I’m the peaceful farmer, developing my village and chilling with my bros, but on other I’m the fucking antichrist, burning them to the ground and taking what I want? Do I just swap my skins depending on what world i’m gonna play today? I quess I could, but that’d be hardly graceful. So let’s just put proper character creation into the game, with ethnicity, hair models and all that other bling. Ideally you’d also be able to paint on your characters if you want scars or tatoos or just dont want to look human. Clothing on the other hand would be a seperate system linked to the survival system. But more about the clothing system later. 

Also since Minecraft is getting slack for becoming more of an RPG when it got its full release, lets embrace that. I’d split them to Gathering, Combat and Crafting skills.Gathering would include your tool proficiency, allowing you to skip enchanting altogether while still getting some upgrade for your tools. Also chances for more resource drops or just getting new utilities from the tools. Any movement releated skills should also be there for simplicity sake. Combat is self explanatory, if we add different weapons types, than there has to be some incentive for specialization. Some skills for combat overall wouldn’t go unwelcome. Dodging, parry without a shield, throwing various weapons and stuff like that. Crafting would be for the new weapon customization, enchanting (including proper spell casting wands) and alchemy. But let’s not get ahead of ourselves with that. 

Custom Tools, Weapons and Armor

Doesn’t it bug you that on multiplayer server everyone just walks around in enchanted diamond eq, throwing all sense of individuality out of the window. Do you like the idea of roleplaying as a cave men the entire game, but the stone sword doesn’t really give you that opportunity? Well let’s do something about it. Instead of vertical tool and weapon progression let’s do it horizontally. Lets take a bit more realistic approach to crafting. Stone tools have to knapped and assembled, bronze has to be casted, iron hammered into shape and wood carved. All types of materials have their drawbacks. Knapping tools would just need you to pick a stone in your offhand and the crafting material of your choice in your main and right click. And from there you get the list of shapes you can knap your stone into. And after choosing the tool/weapon type of your liking you knap it again to customize the shape more. Do you want your hatchet to look like a primitive piece of sharp rock or a skillfully crafted tomahawk? Casts for soft metals and wooden objects would be made in the same way, just with a carwing knife instead of stone and wax or wood for the crafting material. Than just put your cast into clay to get a mold. Fire the mold, craft a crucible and pour the molten metal into the mold. Change the anvil from an enchanting tool into a proper workbench for your hard metals. Then craft some handles, guards or accesories and put them all together in your crafting window. Different materials would have different pros and cons. Stone tools have low durability but don’t have any wear mechanic. Wood rots, Soft metals can bend and have to be straightened and hard metals rust and have to be cleaned. Also no tool progression. What you can mine depends on your mining level. Right now you can easily get diamond on yout first day if you mine deep enough. Locking it over a skill tree would pace the games more high tier materials more naturally. Also diamonds are classed as knapped material. No diamond swords for you, but a diamond macuhuitl is totally cool. Just craft a wooden sword of your choice and add some diamond blades in the crafting. 

Armor would be split into classes, Light, Medium and Plate. You can’t make armor out of stone (so no diamond armor either, but you could encrust your other armor with it) but you can make wooden plate. Just for the heck of it. Different armor classes would affect your stamina meter differently. 

Guns!!!

I’m not a gun nut, but hey we have gunpowder in the game. Let’s add guns. But just the flintlock ones, atleast the ones made by the player. They could be made out of anything even stone, just for the heck of it. They would be crafted like any other weapon. But shooting them would be expensive with all the gunpowder you’d have to loot from creepers (I like the idea of dead creepers burning away, giving you only a short window to loot them) or craft from sulfur, a new rare resource. Still they’d pack quite a punch and make hella noise, bringing all the monsters to you. Also long reload time, they’re flintlock after all. 

Also lets adhere to an old fantasy trope and make them unenchantable. Their op as they are. 

Animals and Looting 

Just add more animals. Add more predators, so the day isn’t just a cake walk. Add predators hunting. Pray running from a player simply approaching. Give me a run for my food. Animals reproducing on their own. If you want to tame livestock or pets than you better hope for a rare domesticated kind of animals or trap and break them enough for them to let them eat from your hand. 

And what about hunting. If you manage to kill an animal, it doesn’t just disappear and live porkshops in the cloud of smoke. Every killed entity just turns into a corpse that you have to manually loot, while holding a sharp weapon (for simplicity sake). All of them drop their hide (acting kinda like armor with its own durability, on which depends how much letter you’ll get from it, thus encouraging clean one hit kills), a lot more meat (so you don’t have to slaughter an entire herd just to have something to eat) and bones. Also food would spoil now, to discourage hoarding it. But there would be workarounds like salting it or drying it for jerky. 

Various animal hides could act as trophies (if you’re a cunt) or for crafting special clothing items or beds (since proper wool would be much harder to come by now). 

Monsters and the Night

Same deal as in the main game. Mostly undead with some mutated mobs like creepers and phantoms. The only hostile mob I’d add would be Vampires, who would follow the player and try to score a hit while you’re unaware. Of course they’d be rather rare. Enderman on the other hand... Let’s raise them to the mini boss standard. When they were announced I was hyped, that they’ll be a proper horror mob that you could be genuinely terryfied of. But no, they just vibin’ most of the time. So let’s change them. Since in the new lore the undead are humans corrupted by magic, enderman should be the remnents of the humans who have gone and got trapped in the End, turned into the Dragons army. And now their job is to stalk you and kill you. You still have to look at them for them to turn hostile, but now they don’t care if you only looked at them from the distance. If they can see you and you can see them, they attack. Give them proper range. Let them teleport behind you to score a hit. Put blocks in your way if you try to run. They could pick you up and teleport with you next to ledges (they shouldn’t just be able to throw you over the edge, let’s give players a fighting chance). They should also steal more valuable blocks than just dirt. Let them target specifically blocks placed by the player, allowing them to pick holes in your defenses for other mobs to get to your house. 

The night itself would change. For the first couple nights there should be no monsters. The rise of the undead according to the new lore is the Dragon learning about the new human in the world trying to slow them down from discovering the End portal. But for the first few nights it would be unaware of your existance, letting you to get comfortable. But when the first full moon hits, The dragon saw you and she will let you know she sees. And from then on, every night the undead horde will rise to haunt you, only resting during the eclipse (since the dragon can’t see). On the other hand the full moon would be equivalent to the blood moon from terraria.  With mobs more aggressive, able to break your doors and forcing you to defend yourself. Also you wouldn’t be able to sleep during the full moon. If you manage to fall asleep, you wake up dead with mobs spawned all over your house. Also the mobs don’t burn in the sunlight. When the night ends, they just disapear like Enderman. 

The mobs right now spawn only on active chunks, but let’s add a lore reason for it. They’re targeting you. This is why going to a village means bringing the horde to them. And if you don’t fight or they kill to many, the viligers will add two and twoo together, banishing you from their dwelling. The illigers will just turn hostile. The dwarves won’t mind since the undead are plentiful underground anyway. 

Also give me my Overworld Dragons. Like proper fire breathing ones. Kinda like the ones from Ice and Fire but actually managable and not the size of goddamn school. 

Survival Mechanics

Let’s add thirst. You can’t just drink any water ofcourse, so while food means you have to scavenge or hunt, thirst encourages you to either find drinkable streams or distill the water. Eventually just drink juices or booze. Yeah, let’s add booze. Just for fun, with all the stuff i’d want to add the game wouldn’t be kid friendly anyway. 

You have to sleep now. Unslept nights cut your stamina meter by 25% while also bringing the phantoms to you. You can sleep without a bed, but you’re risking temperature debuffs and less stamina regen. 

Temperature. With adding seasons and all the clothing option it seems reasonable (also i loved it in don’t starve). To not make the HUD to cluttered I’d just display the temperature on your heart meter, having them freeze over for cold and dry out for hot. Dried and frozen hearts wouldn’t be included in your hp pool, meaning that temperature makes you weaker. You could fight the temperature with proper clothing, fire or ice. Although the hot temperatures would be more forgiving, just making you lose water faster and being managable with shadow from blocks. 

Clothes would have their own slots, be made in their crafting table and heavily customizable like banners and letter armor, giving proper use for all the dyes we have. They could also be drawn on like player skins. You could also wear some of them on armor, allowing for further character customization. They’d have their own durability, but be easily repairable. Aside from temperature protection they would be mostly cosmetic and if you don’t like the idea of having to wear a coat in the winter, just enchant your shorts with some frost protection. 

Hunger would be overhauled slightly, letting you to get fat from food. But just like in real life FAT IS YOUR FRIEND (just you now, moderate amounts). It let’s you absorb all foods value even with a full bar. Still to much of it will slow you down and make your stamina bar go down faster. Oh and it’s no longer your stamina bar, that’s a seperate thing now, indicated by a small lighting bolt icon above your exp level. Still a full food and water bar is nessecary for healing. 

Enchanting

Bookshelves no longer make the enchantments stronger. Atleast not the decorative ones. Instead you have to enchant books on your own hoping for the “Arcane Knowladge” enchantment, which can’t be put on anything but, if you put a book with it in the bookshelf it will raise the enchantment cap. So does leveling your enchanting skill, as well as allowing you to see what enchant you’re putting on your stuff, as you grow more fluent in the language of magic. Enchanting would also be more powerfull in the night, as that’s when the End - The birthplace of magic is the strongest. This also means that enchanting during the full moon would create the most powerful enchantments, if you can manage to enchant while the undead hordes attack. And they will try to get to you as an active enchanting table is drawing them closer. 

Different materials have different enchantibility. Pracious metals are overall more conductive, while obsydian might make fire enchantments stronger. This would come into play mostly when crafting staffs!

While Guns are unenchantable, Staffs are just weak pole weapons without magic. But enchanting them let’s you pick a spell for them, like lightinig bolt, healing, stuff like that. One staff can hold only one enchantment and casting spells uses exp points meaning that you’d need quite a big pool to be able to just be a mage. While staffs are two-handed you can also make wands to cast with your offhand. Ofcourse they’d be less powerful to balance things out. 

As the Anvil is now a crafting station, the Arcane Anvil would take it’s place made from obsidian and golden bars. While we’re at it lets also think about Arcane Chests to store your exp. 

Player Death

Why can the player just live after death? Well depends on difficulty. If you want to lose your stuff but keep the skills, it’s because the last humans put a spell on you allowing you to be uneffected by the corruption and also be linked into the world, cursing you to wake up from dying in the last place you slept, making you think if your death was just a dream. If you want a more hardcore experience then it’s because they cast a spell of reincarnation on you, so you don’t come back as the exact same person, having to work upon the achievements of your predessecors (I have no idea how to write that, I’m polish okay?). And if you just want straight up hardcore, they sent you to the future, with only one chance to make things right. Applies to the multiplayer, there’s just more of you that have been cursed.

If you find your dead body you can loot it. But on the reincarnation difficulty all the food, potions, weapons and armor you had will have long rot away. A lot time passed afterall. 

The Stronghold and the End

So if you actually read so far, I love you and congratulations. I’m writing this while I’m high, so it probably doesn’t make much sense. Still, thanks! 

So... Strongholds suck. Let’s get rid of them. Instead let’s put the End Portal in a new rare biome. The Ruins! They would be a large decimated city from before the apocalypse, now overtaken by vegetation with undead present even in the daylight. The magic is right in the heart of the city after all. The undead are much more powerfull here, some even having modern weaponry like assult rifles. They can be looted, but they’re all falling apart and you can’t craft them. But you could repair them and use them. They’d be end game unenchantable gear. Enderman also stalk the city, so you’d have to be prepered for them. You still find the city with the eyes of ender, but this time crafted with a compas and obsidian to create the Ender Compass, cause fuck throwing balls into the air. The End Portal is in the heart of the city in the special dungeon called the Crumbling Facility. It’d be a long parkour challange with you having to reach the top while also fighting for your life. “But Pchlarz”, I hear you saying, “You could just build across or up, this is Minecraft”. Well no, cause the building would be made from gravity affected blocks, meaning that if you do, the whole thing falls apart. As for building up, try to do that while being shot from every direction. What if the tower falls? Well, the End Portal awakes spawning more monsters and moving to the height limit. So now you would have to build straight up, while the Enderman teleport to your position and try to throw you off. But if you get there, the Portal is your to enter. 

And so you do. Before you stands a temple build in the center of the New Moon. The towers are still there and the Dragon still heals from them. The temple is built from blocks the Enderman took from you (not just them ofc) You destroy the crystal and fight the dragon. It picks you up, throws you around, breathes Black fire (purple is ugly, sorry guys). You chip at its health and finally you bring it to half. And thats when the dragon falls into the temple with broken wings. Now it’s a ground battle. Now you have cover, but the temple is destructable. It’s blocks affected by gravity. Finally you kill the dragon. It imbues you with its magic and drops it’s heart. Still beating, Scarlett and glowing. The Enderman stand around you, their eyes no longer white (yeah i dont like purple), but now inteligent with pupils. They seem thankful. You’ve won. The end stone around you starts crumbling, falling into the void. And there’s no way back home. You start to accept your fate. You’ve sacraficed yourself to end the Undead horde’s reign. And thats when an Enderman takes you by the hand. You walk to the edge of the crumbling world and gaze into the blue globe staring at you from the abyss. It’s the Earth. But you wouldn’t survive the impact. Not from space. That’s when you see the Enderman holding something, with his hand stretched out to you. He’s holding a pair of wings. The Elytra. You put them on, say goodbyes to the newly freed Enderman and dive into the world beneath you, watching as the tall figures behind you die with their dying world. 

You crush into the earth. With half a heart you drag yourself to safety. The Ender compass now points the way to your bed. You walk. Victorious. 

Endgame

So you’ve beat the game. What’s now? Well the Enderman are no longer hostile. And the dragon heart? You can put it into your alchemy station and turn it into the potion of resurection. While the zombie villigers could be cured with a golden apple and the potion of weakness, the human zombies need this one. The skeletons are to far gone, but zombies and vampires can be turned back. The Dragons Heart can never be used, but if you lose it, well it sucks to be you hero. 

With cured humans you can create a village and start rebuilding. You can have relationships with them, turn them into companions and even have children with them (i like stardew valley okay). And with their numbers growing it’s up to you if you will live in peace with new races populating the world or reestablish the human reign on earth. 

Okay this took me like three hours and the weed is wearing off. I think way to much about minecraft, maaan. Still hope you like it. And make this mod for me. I’d be grateful. 

[solnishkawrites]

coffee prompt

a very belated coffee prompt for @new--wave!

prompt: a stalker enjoys a cup of tea after a long day

So, uh, holy fucking shit this is late. I’m so sorry. However, the reason it’s late is because it’s really long: 1919 words (out of what was supposed to be less than 300). I’m gonna have to put this under a cut.

*

Corporal Maksim Sirko coughed at the smells of smoldering plastic and burning oil, then gasped as he rolled onto his back. Pain gnawed at every inch of his body. He breathed heavily for several seconds before getting himself under control.

There, his helicopter—lying on her side with her tail-end just gone, her engine on fire and belching smoke, one blade broken off and two others bent… there would be no way to salvage her, absolutely none.

Maksim coughed again, then crawled to the Mi-8. His head was spinning and he felt nauseous whenever he tried to look up above a certain point in the afternoon sky. He staggered upright, leaning against the helicopter’s underbelly for support, then folded at the knees and sank back down again. He remained standing on the second try.

The pilot clawed at his helmet’s chinstrap, managing to undo it and pushing it off his head. It landed in the lush grass at his feet with a soft thud. The visor was covered with a spiderweb of cracks, and the helmet itself was dented and badly scratched. If he hadn’t been wearing it, Maksim would have been dead with a fractured skull rather than alive with a severe concussion after the crash.

The crash! Maksim’s eyes widened, and he tried to remember what had happened. He was a great pilot; his training sergeant had said he was one of the best he’d ever seen. The accident couldn’t have been caused by something as stupid as forgetting to refuel or hitting the wrong button on the console. It must have been one of those damn stalkers, either armed with an RPG, or able to decapitate his sweet girl’s rotor mast with a lucky shot, or… something.

“Hey, you!”

Maksim turned his head towards the voice and overbalanced, nearly falling. He saw a ragged figure wearing a leather jacket and carrying an SKS walking towards him.

“Fuck off!” he yelled, or tried to; his voice cracked on the last syllable.

The stalker kept walking towards him. Maksim pulled his pistol out of its holster, then realized that there was no magazine in the slot. He stared down at it, trying to figure out what to do through the fog in his brain, as the stalker closed the distance between them.

“Drop your weapon!”

Maksim hesitated, then did the sensible thing and dropped it.

The stalker jogged close and frowned. His face was dirty and splattered with freckles.

“Dude, you look like shit.”

“...Yeah,” Maksim managed.

“I’m amazed you survived the impact.”

“Yeah.”

A thought slowly crawled to the forefront of Maksim’s mind. He narrowed his eyes. “You… you shot down my Mina.”

“Mina?”

The pilot patted the helicopter. “My girl,” he said. “Mina.”

“Awww, you named it?”

Maksim snarled and stepped away from the Mi-8 to swing his fist at the grinning stalker. The stalker skipped aside and let the pilot fall onto his face in the grass.

“Tell you what: why don’t you help me carry stuff back to Sidorovich, and I won’t kill you or leave you here for the dogs. Sound good?”

Maksim rolled onto his back and stared up at the stalker. The motion made it feel as though a heavy ball was swinging around inside his head and rebounding off of his temples. He groaned, then clutched at his midsection as his stomach twisted.

“Excellent,” the stalker said. “D’you think the black box would get me any money?”

“Fzgdflargh.”

“I have no idea what that means.”

The stalker hopped onto the downed helicopter, somehow managed to open one of her side doors, and then disappeared inside. Maksim held his breath, but there was no ensuing commotion within the Mi-8. Apparently none of the special forces team he had been transporting to Dark Valley had survived the crash, or else they were too weak and/or injured to react. After what could have been either several minutes or an hour, the stalker emerged again, this time loaded down with looted AKs and military equipment.

“Catch!” he called, and tossed down several prizes. Maksim rolled out of the way in time to avoid being bludgeoned with a grenade launcher. More things followed, and the pilot took refuge behind a tree to get out of the line of fire. It was only when the sunlight was reddening with the onslaught of a summer evening that the stalker was finally satisfied that there was nothing more he wanted from the helicopter. He climbed down and began picking things up from the grass.

“C’mon,” he said. “Help me carry shit.”

Maksim felt slightly better after sitting behind the tree. He stood up, wasn’t overwhelmed with vertigo, and then helped the stalker gather up his plunder. He felt bad for helping; the man had (probably) killed Mina and by extension the team they had been carrying, as well as being a stalker of the Zone, a soldier’s natural enemy.

Soldiers are usually smart enough to remember ammunition for their pistols, though, Maksim thought with a twinge of bitterness. Yes, he was a great pilot, but he hadn’t exactly excelled in any other aspect of his training. Even concussed, he had no illusions about his ability to survive; he either helped the stalker, or else died horribly sometime tonight in an anomaly or the jaws of a pseudo-dog.

But for all that he was Maksim’s natural enemy, the stalker was decidedly friendly as they gathered up what he had looted and set off for the rookie village and Sidorovich’s bunker. He introduced himself as Gator and said he had been a manual laborer in Zhytomyr before coming to the Zone.

“I liked my military service, y’know,” he said, carrying a bulging backpack as well as five assault rifles. “And my sergeant kept telling me that I’d have a great career if I stayed, maybe even make spetsnaz—‘cept I hate being told what to do. So I fucked off back to Zhytomyr, spent a year there, got engaged, then got un-engaged when the bitch left me, and decided I didn’t want to spend my life digging ditches. I’m not smart enough to go to uni, and I like shooting guns and not paying taxes, so—” he shrugged, “—I came here. What about you?”

“My name’s Maksim,” Maksim said. “I like helicopters.”

“And?”

Maksim tried to put his life’s story in order, and then to decide which parts were and were not suitable to tell someone he had met less than a day ago who was barely an ally. He couldn’t focus on more than one or two things at once; his thoughts fled through his fingers like wisps of fog whenever he tried. He opened and closed his mouth several times, then: “...I like piloting helicopters?”

Gator snickered. “Cool, cool. Glad to see you’ve got your priorities in order.”

They reached the rookie village. Maksim had only ever seen it from above, and at ground-level the place was very different. Stalkers—ragged, dirty, and armed like Gator—squatted around a campfire, smoking and drinking, or lounged in the doorways of broken-down houses. Several of them stared at Maksim’s uniform with narrowed, suspicious eyes as he passed, but made no move to stop him as Gator waved and called out greetings to people he knew. Maksim hunched his shoulders and avoided eye contact as they followed the dirt path through the village to the bunker.

Sidorovich’s reception was no warmer than the stalkers’: “Who’s this?”

“A temporary assistant,” Gator replied. “His name is Maksim and he likes helicopters.”

The trader gave a disdainful grunt. “Stop wasting my time and show me what you’ve got.”

The rest was haggling.

Maksim didn’t pay attention. Once his pack was off his shoulders he squatted down and leaned against the wall, closing his eyes and hoping that the pounding in his head would die down. He felt sick, and more than anything wanted to lie down on a soft mattress and sleep off the remainder of his concussion. He only roused himself when the toe of Gator’s boot nudged his thigh.

“Hey,” the stalker said, “Time to go.”

Maksim got to his feet and followed the stalker back up the stairs. He wasn’t sure how much time had passed in the bunker, but the sun had slipped halfway behind the horizon when they emerged and the twilight was deepening into true night. He could hear crickets chirping and smell the woodsmoke of the stalkers’ campfire drifting lazily through the warm, humid air.

Gator stopped short of the village and shifted his weight onto one foot, staring up at the sky with its first faint suggestions of stars and scratching the back of his neck with one hand. He chewed his lip for a moment before looking back down at Maksim.

“So,” the stalker said. “So, uh, you just go east a bit over the ridge and find the road, and then follow it south… the checkpoint will be right there, with your people.”

“Thanks,” Maksim said.

A boar gave a deep, grunting bellow somewhere nearby, the noise echoing through the trees. Something else screamed in response, but was abruptly cut off.

“Or…” Gator continued slowly, avoiding eye contact with the pilot. He was scratching the back of his neck again. “Or you could spend the night here and not get eaten. I mean, you’re not armed, so it would be safest to wait until daylight.”

“So you want me to stay… here? In the village?”

“Yeah.”

Maksim glanced towards the east, towards the road that would take him both to safety and to an enraged boar. He was tired, sick, and rather doubted he would be able to outrun a mutated pig.

“If I stay, what’s the likelihood of your people killing me in my sleep?”

“Pretty low, s’long as I’m with you.”

Maksim tried to think for a moment, then gave up and shrugged. “Okay.”

Gator finally looked the pilot in the eye. He was grinning now, and one of his front teeth was chipped. “Awesome!” he said.

None of the stalkers looked pleased, however, when Maksim followed Gator into the village a second time, and several of them scowled outright when the pilot squatted down in an empty place in front of their fire. Gator flopped down beside him, lit a cigarette in the flames, and used his teeth to pull back the fastener on a tin of… something that smelled like fish and vinegar. Gator picked out pieces of it and popped them into his mouth between puffs on his cigarette, and Maksim stared at the ground in front of him and tried not to throw up from the stench.

Time passed. The moon rose and the stars came out. The campfire grew less crowded as stalkers drifted off to their sleeping places. Maksim jumped when Gator nudged him.

“Here,” the stalker said, and shoved a mug of tea into his hands.

Maksim mumbled something that resembled a thank-you. He raised the mug to his face and sniffed once—lemon. He drank, feeling warmth curl in his stomach. The nausea subsided a bit. He closed his eyes, and his shoulders sagged as the tension drained out of his body.

Gator cautiously put an arm around him, edging closer. Maksim took another drink of the tea, letting himself be pulled flush against the stalker’s side, leaning on him.

“So,” Gator said softly, “I was thinking just… well, I was thinking that maybe, if, you know, you wanted to stay…”

Maksim was already asleep on his shoulder.

[kingoji]

Shin Godzilla initial thoughts

I have finally gotten around to watching Shin Godzilla this week, via less than legal means. Shut up. I'd have paid for it several times over by now were it an option for me, and will undoubtedly be paying for it when a western release is announced to own. I support this shit right up the jacksie. Anyway, this is a film that I had been dying to see, and as such am filled with thoughts now that I have done so. These thoughts I now spill like bodily fluids from my pulsating gills all over the tarmac. gonna try and keep all the major spoilers out of this one, but be warned I'm not exactly a professional media journalist. If you want to avoid spoilers then either skip the synopsis or just don't bother reading this. And to be fair, this is already FUCK long. If I were to discuss the spoilers I'd need to write a book or some shit. ONWARDS!

SYNOPSIS Tokyo Bay security are investigating an abandoned sailboat when the water beneath them begins to boil, followed by an underwater detonation of unknown origin which sends water high into the sky and also damages an underwater traffic tunnel. The Prime Minister's cabinet quickly convene and begin an investigation, but before they can reach any conclusions an enormous creature comes ashore and decimates the local area before returning to the sea. As part of their ongoing investigations and preparations should the creature return, the cabinet forms an unorthodox thinktank composed of low-rankers and radicals to consider the seemingly impossible biology of the creature from outside of the box, and the US offer some results of their own as well as potential military aid. As this think tank hits upon a possible method of combating the creature, it returns to land and cuts a swath through the city impervious to all attempts from the Japanese Self-Defence Forces to halt it. Eventually reaching the heart of the city, the military bombardment upon the creature finally causes it to retaliate with devastating radioactive attacks before entering a state of dormancy to re-energize. Eyes opened to the potential for global disaster the monster represents, it is reluctantly agreed that the US be allowed to vapourise the creature with a nuclear attack. The Japanese government step up their earlier devised plan to combat the creature as a final Hail Mary before the nuclear strike can occur, and successfully manage to chemically halt the nuclear fission within the monster, effectively freezing it solid.

***

As is becoming traditional when Toho reboots the character, a big part of the hype machine comes from the radical redesign of the monster. When the Heisei era began in 1985, the last time Godzilla had been seen he was a slimmed down, big-eyed, children's hero; Here he was back to his dark, bulky persona with many design elements reinstated from the original 1955 design that were gradually shed through out the series (such as ears, fangs, and additional, more savage looking dorsal fins), and he just looked shockingly mean. When the Millenium era began people had gotten used to a very standardised (but also iconic) look that was maintained throughout the Heisei; With Godzilla 2000 we were introduced to a more reptilian monster with a jagged aesthetic, irregular teeth and fins (which were now a silvery purple) and, for the first time ever, a green hide. Unlike the Showa and Heisei eras, the game plan for the Millenium was to make films largely free of continuity, each a new and unique take on the mythos, with the idea being that the most successful would be the themes and tone carried forward in future installments. As such, Godzilla's design varied from film to film, each intended to be quickly distinguishable from the others at a glance (the two exceptions being the design from Godzilla X Megaguirus, which simply carried over a more streamlined version of the Godzilla 2000 look as it had proven immediately popular, and Tokyo S.O.S was a direct sequel to Godzilla X MechaGodzilla so the design remained the same, only with scarring from the previous film's climatic battle). Such it was with Shin Godzilla. Toho remained secretive about the new look for the monster, allowing the tidbits of news released about production to build viewer anticipation. For one, there was the involvement of Hideaki Anno, who had developed a reputation for unique and disturbing visuals thanks to his work on Neon Genesis Evangelion, which is not only full of giants and monsters itself but is also a deeply psychological work.  Then there was effects director Shinji Higuchi, who is probably most famous in the west for the live-action adaptions of Attack On Titan but who is more notable amongst Kaiju fans for his work on the Heisei Gamera films which are considered to be among the best Kaiju films ever filmed and were even at the time leaving the Godzilla movies in the dust visually. There were the reports that Godzilla would be portrayed entirely with puppetry and animatronics with minor CGI enhancement, which had gotten mixed reviews when implemented on the Attack On Titan films. There were the rumours that Godzilla would undergo various mutations during the course of the movie. And so on. When we finally got to see the design for the movie, reactions were again drastically mixed. This new Godzilla was almost skeletal with tiny beady eyes and a jaw full of needle-like teeth that burst erratically from his lipless maw, and a tail long enough to swat the sun out of the horizon. I, personally, was simply fascinated. I didn't love the design, but I certainly didn't feel the need to take to the internet with hateful rhetoric. I chose instead to more analytical. I had faith in the creators, in Anno in particular, to have done something so drastic for a reason. There had been early interviews with Anno and Higuchi where they talked about wanting to take the monster back to his horrific roots, about making the monster a walking nightmare. They are said to have looked at old production materials for the original 1954 movie, sketches and maquettes from the time, and to have worked from that. Ideas true to the original concept that never fully made it on film or faded out over time, such as the idea that Godzilla's hide was so rough and rigid because he was supposed to have been deeply scarred by the atomic testing he was exposed to was re-examined and thus, the Godzilla of this film has a body that is a black as burn scars, with crimson seams lining him like a cracked scab over an unhealed wound; he has no lips or eyelids or ears because they were all burned away; his musculature is sunken and sickly like someone who had radiation poisoning. His new design evokes all of this despite not sharing the same origin as the 1950's inspiration. And yet, it all works perfectly for the new story behind him. There are other changes that I won't go into here, and which stem from Anno's talent for twisted physiology and visuals that are repellent on a primal level, but which are no less perfectly suited to the story being told of this new Godzilla. Godzilla's powers are also looked at through a new lense for this film. He has always been shown to possess great healing abilities, although his amazing cellular regeneration has rarely been touched on beyond the typical sci-fi tropes of weaponising or attempting to harness it, with disasterous results. Throughout his movie history Godzilla has developed new abilities sporadically (although most are forgotten by the next entry). He has been shown to be able to utilise his nuclear energy in varied ways, from different strength oral rays to emitting the energy bodily as a destructive burst to even, yes, jet propulsion. This new movie essentially combines all of this into a single genetic thread which becomes the backbone of the movie, put poses it all in such a new and refreshing way that you don't really realise during viewing that this, all of this, has been touched on before, albeit in a very casual and throw away manner. What makes all of this so wonderous for me as a lifelong fan, is that it signifies a change in the way Toho operate. Traditionally the studio have been so rigid as to what can and cannot be done with the the character that they had become notorious and almost self-defeating. They dearly want for their flagship character to be respected and successful that they have in the past stifled creativity.  How many stories can you do about this same unchanging being? To be fair to them, they inched in this direction a little with Godzilla, Mothra, King Ghidorah: Giant Monsters All-Out Attack (generally considered the best of the Millenium movies, coincidentally, though not by me), although that was really a departure in terms of the 'why' only rather than the 'what' and 'how' of Godzilla's existence. The Toho of ten years ago wouldn't have even allowed the look of this monster, let alone the recreation of history, biology, and very nature of it. Godzilla has always been a creature of intelligence, but Shin Godzilla is a being of pure instinct. It has no motive or goal, it simply acts. In the past, you've always been able to pin a fairly succinct label on the various incarnations. Originally he was a nuclear alegory. He was a territorial animal. A superhero. A force of nature. Shin Godzilla doesn't feel like any of those things to me. The only word I can think of that fits is simpy "Entity", with all the mystique and ominous connotations that word may imply. The tone of the movie is quite an odd one to explain. It is, at first glance, played straight. Reactions to the monster and the events that occurr around it are logical and fairly realistic, the seriousness of the situation is never downplayed, and yet it manages to avoid heading into too heavy a territory. More astute viewers may pick up the first time of the dry humour throughout the film, though I admit I was on my second viewing before I let the humour come to me. I think the first time I was just too focused on 'new Godzilla film, must absorb it all'. Examples that come straight to mind are in a cabinet meeting early on in the film, one member issues a bunch of orders for things to be done in a manner which might usually initiate a scene change but here is met with confused glances from other cabinet ministers before one asks "whom exactly are you addressing?" and THEN the scene changes, or when the think tank are exchanging what they've learned so far one asks for analysis on behavior to which another responds "He just walks." The film is political satire, but very subtley done, often poking at the state of current buerocracy. for example, the PM's cabinet meet in his office to discuss this mystery in the bay, and after deciding that they need to actually make some plans they move down the hall to a conference room, only for them to witness new developments on TV which means they need to go back to the PM's office to discuss it there. Similarly, when the JSDF's forces are preparing to engage Godzilla they request permission to open fire, and we follow that request down a chain of command as one person asks his superior for permission after another until we reach the Prime Minister who says yes, and then, inevitably (though we are graciously spared it), the answer has to go back down the line from person to person. I've also seen online a number of people who complain that the film is anti-US (typically from Americans) propoganda. Utter nonsense. This film portrays the USA as a people who can and have made mistakes, and some of those mistakes may have consequences for Japan, but they are never villified. They are actually often portrayed as sympathetic. The fact of the matter is that America has always had a hand in Godzilla, fictionally. It was their atomic testing which awoke the monster in the original film, and it was their actual atomic deployment in real life which inspired it. To be insulted by a film because it reminds them of that is beyond hypocritic, considering the hundreds of films Hollywood must have put out by now where the 'foreigner' is the enemy. But that's enough of the serious stuff. It cannot be denied that the attachment of Hideaki Anno as writer/co-director of Shin Godzilla brought with it a lot of expectation. Neon Genesis Evangelion, an anime he created in the mid-nineties in the midst of clinical depression and under a studio going slowly bankrupt, revolutionised a genre and inspired a generation of creatives. It viewed typical Super-Robot series tropes through cynical eyes and turned the cast stereotypes on their heads. It got darker as it went along, riddled with psychological themes and visuals that varied from blatent to so-subtle-it-took-scholars-to-find-them, and a use of religion and christianity in particular that left anyone with any kind of religious leanings feeling a little uncomfortable. Despite all this, it is possibly one of the biggest success stories in anime, with a legacy as strong today as it was twenty years ago. It is possibly also the biggest 'love it or hate it' situation outside of Marmite. So you can imagine that his mere involvement with a new Godzilla stirred the pot significantly. I would like to take this opportunity to state right here and now to anyone who hates Evangelion; Do NOT use that as an excuse to avoid this film. Tonally and thematically, this could not be any further removed. Sure, there are directorial choices made here that are pure Anno, but there is none of the angst, depression, or misery that you may associate with Evangelion. This story is very stripped back and to the point, even for a Godzilla movie. The monster IS the story, and everything else in the film is a reaction to him. The only sub-plot, such as it is, is also part of the direct investigation of the monster. There are certainly things that are "Pure Anno" in this movie, but as I say this is pretty much entirely on the visual side of things, and I'm pretty sure that even "haters" would appreciate what he brings over. For one, this is an incredibly 'talky' film. But the way it's shot is still fast paced and even the slowest scenes are structured in a way that will make them interesting to watch. From scene changes signified by the putting down of a phone, for example, to close-ups of the speaker from an unusual angle (a little too high, from just off the side, etc), to mid-sentence cuts from one shot of the speaker to another to add emphasis. There are a lot of directorial choices which have plainly come from someone whose background is in animation, and the relative freedom that affords in creating a shot. The way he goes about portraying Godzilla himself is also refreshing. He brings with him some tricks he developed with his giants in Evangelion that will be familiar to fans but still feel new and exciting when applied to Godzilla. From his first scene of the monster making landfall echoing his slow reveals of the destructive 'Angels' of Eva (quick cuts of a mostly obscured form, a screen-filling eyeball, and eventually, a full reveal that is still not what you were expecting to see), to his use of shooting the environment to portray scale (to a footstep each, we are treated to shots of a beached boat bouncing in the air, the tiles of  a rooftop bouncing up and sliding forward, and the branches of a tree shaking and startling birds into flight). Yet for every trick he brings to the table, there is a throwback to the older style of making monster movies. For example, he often gives us a shot with Godzilla so far in the background you almost miss him, which is something which always made the Showa era films feel like they were more than rubber suits on a sound stage. In fact, his love of the Showa era is ever present, as the entire library of sound effects for this movie comes straight from that period (with the exception of a couple or roars from the Heisei era). Again, as a fan who grew up with them, these are a delight. Imagine if you can hearing a sound of an explosion as distinctive to you as the sound of Star Trek's torpedoes, a Lightsaber turning on, or a Transformer changing shape.  Yes, I'm a nerd, but that's what it's like for almost every sound in the film. And while we're on the subject of audio, I would be remiss to not speak about composer Shiro Sagisu. Shiro is a long-time collaborator of Anno's, having composed the scores for everything Evangelion (from the entire TV series to the five and counting animated movies) as well as Anno's teen-romance deconstruction anime His And Her Circumstances. In fact, if anything about this film can be accused of being "too Eva" it would be because Sagisu has a fast-paced, drum-heavy "Preparation" theme that he seems to use for everything he works on.  There are several variations of this one theme in Shin Godzilla alone, and they will always invoke Evangelion to me, as I'm sure they will to many others. But before I come accross as being too negative here, let me clarify that I adore his music and own every once of his scores I could get my hands on on CD, including this one.   One particular motif which feels fairly unique to his works is his inclusion of English-language vocal choirs for his more atmospheric pieces. It adds a sobriety to proceedings, and can also make something feel truly apocalyptic. His two major cues for Shin Godzilla that were heavily featured in promotional materials are Persecution Of The Masses and Who Will Know?, both are slow and melancholic, and during the film were used in places one might not expect to hear music of their tones typically. Unless you are a fan of Anno and Sagisu's previous collaborations, as you will no doubt have learned how they defy expectations even in sound design. As with the sound effects though, the score is also riddled with throwbacks to the Showa era and, in particular, legendary composer Akira Ifukube (who composed Godzilla's tradtional theme as well as most of the more famous themes of the series). The choices of music to reinstate are more evidence to Anno's love of the genre, as, aside from the music which plays during Godzilla making landfall for the second time, all the selections are obscure or odd variations of particular cues. Some aren't even from Godzilla films originally. From what I've seen online, the reactions to this movie are typically favourable. There are a few people that can't seem to get beyond the changes made to Godzilla himself, but that may be attached to a typically western mindset that I'll get to in a moment, because it's a mindset that even those who enjoyed it have displayed; That anything that happens in this movie is somehow permanent, that because these changes were made here, that is how things will be for the character from now on. Shin Godzilla was one of the most financially successful movies in Japan in 2016, which all but guarantees that a new Godzilla film will comer sooner rather than later. But will it be a direct sequel, which is what most folks I'm seeing online are assuming it's a given that it would have to be. No, it really doesn't, and in my opinion the biggest reason that Shin Godzilla works is that it's standalone. It has in traditional Anno fashion ended in a way which leaves more questions than answers, but that doesn't mean those questions are intended to be answered.  What Hideaki Anno like to do is riddle his works with clues, seed them with potential, and leave his audience to try and figure things out. The state of things in the world of this movie at the end are such that any direct sequel would have to leap through some logistic and continuity loopholes just to get off the ground, but I'll say no more about that. As much as I love this film, I don't want another like it. I wouldn't particularly like the changes made to Godzilla to become the standard. What I do want is for the next film to take the lessons learned here, technical, artistic, logistic, and creative, and run with it and give me something as impressive as this, but just as different. And if that were to involve a step back to a more traditional state for the monster, and the world he inhabits, so be it. I'm one of those wierdos that thinks Godzilla can carry a film with no other monsters in it and should do so more often, so what do you care what I think?