#I was gonna colour him fully but I am too tired

[good-wine-and-cheese]

Have been deprived of not doing art for a while so I sketched him quick

[under-loch-n-key]

You're doing Psych Omens?? Amazing!! I especially like it cuz while Shawn isn't too dissimilar from Crowley in that he can easily fulfill a similar narrative role, Gus is so different from Aziraphale I think it'll really bring an interesting new dynamic to it, not to mention one of them having a human love interest would affect the dynamic further! Oooh, are you gonna make Lassie a witch hunter? That'd be extra interesting. Whatever you decide, I am looking forward to all the new dynamics!!! (If you do make Lassie a witch hunter, Juliet should be a witch but he doesn't know it lol)

Yes, I am~ and just for you lot, I will post my idea and first draft of a story plot and mini comic idea. Maybe a fic? I don’t know maybeeee. We’ll have to see. Lol. Depends on what all of you would like. [:

Sooo, anyways, here it is.

Shawn - Demon (former Angel. Gus’s guardian angel.)

Gus - Human (is aware of Shawn’s being. Was scared shitless at first. Probably got The Father (we love him) involved to try and exorcise Shawn at some point but eventually accepted Shawn as he was. Although, he definitely bitched him out for things he should’ve saved him/prevented him from doing.)

Lassie (Lassiter) - Angel (too tired for his job. Been on earth way too long. Honestly is considering being apart of the witchfinder army just to wipe out any evil beings. That would make his job a hell of a lot easier. He is still fuming about The Fall because Lassie’s got that loyal dog mentality. Lol.)

Jules (Juliet) - Human (she is like Anathema and is heavily empathic and spiritually sensitive so she is immediately and heavily drawn to Lassie and Shawn.)

Woody - Demon (lovable demon. Absolute weirdo and sweetie. Woody makes dark jokes and perverse jokes but he’s just seen as a weirdo at his job. Little does most people know he’s a demon. He really enjoyed Shawn’s company in Hell and was very glad to see that they are working together at the precinct in the overworked. He knows that working at a precinct full of angels is basically a death sentence but Woody is a bit of a masochist and we all know it.)

Sooo, anyways here’s the Prophetic Omens (no, you’re prophetic!) (Psych x Good Omens) crossover draft idea.

————————

Lassie is blue and Shawn is green. Their narrated dialogue will be too. The basic introductory won’t have any colour but I figured colour coding would be easier for some people.

Prophetic Omens will be set where the Santa Barbara police precinct is mainly dominated by angelic and human officers. Some demons are littered in there of course. When Shawn gets arrested like he did in the first episode, he can tell the others (Lassie & his first partner) are angel’s but he has his demonic aura and overall self cloaked. Lassie could sense that there was something off about him but couldn’t place it.

He’d get to the bottom of it though.

His suspicions never fully went away, but he found out what Shawn was during the time with Yang. Right before his mum was kidnapped, when Yang was in the Psych office because instead of Juliet & Lassiter leaving Shawn and Gus behind after Shawn snapped at Jules, Gus goes after Juliet to console her on what Shawn’s going through and to not take it too personally. He’d deal with Shawn later.

Lassiter stays behind to put Shawn in his place regarding how he acts all fun and games, but now that things are getting serious, suddenly the game isn’t fun anymore and to get on him about how he treated O’Hara. Shawn spins around and snaps at Lassiter with his true eyes showing and Lassie looks at him in shock and Shawn realises the slip and retracts.

“You..” “Yeah..” “You son of a bitch!” He goes to grab Shawn by the neck and push him into the wall “You caused all of this chaos didn’t you, Spencer? You sulphuric imps just didn’t learn anything from the fall, did you? Keep your grubby little mitts off of this plane or so help me and sweet justice herself, I’ll make sure you won’t be able to set foot here again.”

“Dude, get..OFF!” He pushes Lassiter away “as if you over glorified, holier than thou pieces of KFC are any better! You know, Lassie, you could miracle this away but you won’t. So, don’t blame me for this. Yang wasn’t my doing. I didn’t mean to hurt Jules. Well, I did, sort of, but you weren’t even supposed to stick around! That wasn’t apart of the plan, man! So, thanks a lot. Now the plan is ruined. Gotta think of something else now..”

Lassiter’s glare deepens and he scoffs, “you’re one to talk about ruining plans, Spencer. Does 6,000 years worth of sin not ring any bells to you?”

“Lassie, don’t be the e in bible. You’re crueler than I could ever be and you’re the angel here. I’m shocked you don’t even have a harp. Yeah, some things did not go the way it was supposed to a few years back, but do you have to recycle the same point in time? You couldn’t do anything more creative? Like ‘hey you remember that time when you and your lession of demons possessed some pigs? What was that about?” Ya know, something more with a flare.”

(Yes, that is an actual biblical story btw.)

“You always have a response to everything don’t you?..”

“Well, I was a guardian angel before I fell. So, having a response to everything was kinda in my job description..”

“I don’t think heaven would approve of you remaining by the side of your divined assignment.”

“Pfft, Please, they already don’t approve of me anyways, Lassie. You know that. Besides, Gus is my best friend, not an assignment.. Sure, he was freaked out to learn that his guardian angel wasn’t an angel anymore at all. Well, and there truly being a heaven and all that, but ya know. He got over it. He had more questions than a whole season of Jeopardy and don’t worry my lips were sealed. Buttt, the exorcism case made going to the beach in bare feet seem enjoyable. It was like hopscotch but, well, just hopping no scotching.”

Lassiter cracked an amused smile at the image. That explained why Shawn was more on his feet than usual while we were there.

He knows that he’ll have to tell heaven about the arrival of the enemy.

“I know that look..” “what look?” “You’re “it’s so hard being me” look. Just do what you gotta do; I already left Santa Barbara once, but for now..we have a killer to catch. Heaven can wait.”

I don’t look like that.. he thought. That’s not important now though. Lassiter nods, “you take shotgun and don’t mess up my seats, Spencer.”

Shawn grabs his bag of corn nuts “I would never, Lassifrass. I’d say I’m an angel but ya know.”

“No. Those monstrosities are staying here.”

“They’re delicious, Lassie. Don’t join Gus’ corn nut hate club. He doesn’t even have shirts for it!”

“You’re not bringing those into my car. I don’t need crumbs in my seats and I don’t need that smell left in my car. I just had it detailed.”

“You’re no fun, Lassie. Aren’t angels supposed to be symbols of positivity and fun? You’re seeming pretty grumpy there, Carly.”

“Shut up, Spencer. When we’re done with this, you will apologise to O’Hara. I don’t know what you were thinking but make it right. Also, don’t get yourself killed. I have a feeling there’s more about this Yang-goon that we aren’t being let in on..”

“I will, don’t worry about me, Lassie. To think, us working together. Sharlton & Shassie have joined forces at last.”

“Tsk. Don’t think I enjoy working with you. One case. Then we’re done. This is a matter of convenience, we were already talking. That made you convenient, nothing more.”

“Admit it, your heart hearts me.” Shawn points at Lassies heart and back at his.

Cuts to panel of Lassie’s face with a light red tint on his cheeks and he grips the steering wheel.

“I’d rather help McNab pick flowers for his wife. Now shut your mouth, Spencer. If we’re going to be in this car together, I’d like to at least enjoy some part of the ride. Preferably in silence.”

“Fineee. You’d miss my sweet nectar of a voice if I wasn’t here and you know it.”

“Not in a million years, Spencer. The times I’ve gone to bed happy are the days when your trap is shut and you’re out of sight.”

“And they call me the demon.”

Lassie smirks to himself as they drive to the crime scene to meet up with O’Hara and Gus.

To be continued…

——

Soooo, yeah, there is the first draft of stuff rn. If people want me to make it a fic, I will. Then I’ll doodle some art of them all to go along with it. The fic would probably take place at the beginning of that episode or even a few episodes before. Still deciding on stuff. Lol. I always do making anything Psych related. Lmao. M

Hopefully, you lot enjoy the first draft. 💛💛💛

[choctalksalot]

If Jake is based on archetype of Strong Female Character then I think he should get Evil Woman arc. Let him snap and go bananas. Sburb is his stage and he is gonna became a star, and break fourth wall and if needed all the walls. I just really want Jake to go batshit. And then better but first batshit. And fight with crockertier! Jane because I think it would help them both to have a proper scream match and some stabbing or two.

admission: i have let this ask stew in my drafts for months because i had exams, and also because i needed to fully process everything in this singular paragraph because it threw a wrench in my jello sack processor

so, in short:

thank you for this ask anon holy shit i love getting asks about this stuff i am full of words about it !! that being said

I AM QUESTIONING THE CLASSIFICATION OF HIM AS STRONG FEMALE CHARACTER. I AM SO VERY QUESTIONING IT

that statement triggered a fucking. sleeper agent in my brain because i disagree so hard so so hard, oh my god i'm. okay technically it's a half disagree. sliver of agreement in there but it's for a very specific scenario that I need TIME to explain (which i now have so Buckle Up)

if you want my aabsolute shortest shorty short response to this ask it's yes, i think jake deserves to go batshit insane, i would like nothing more than to see him be a petty deranged bitch. king shit honestly!! But Not In That Way Slash Manner. okay now WORDS

so, we have the idolization/I Know What You Are he has with lara croft. we have all his big talk about being an adventurer, we have fisticuffs and guns and sparring with a bot, but, as many posts before this have pointed out in much more depth than i can attempt to surmise, jake is not that. motherfucker is a coward, avoids conflict like the plague and plays up an oblivious front to dodge responsibility (god i still can't read the jane confession scene without screaming look at that fucking LIAR)!! a defining aspect of jake's character is his continuous lack of agency throughout the comic too, which is a rabbit hole i'm not going down for the sake of my sanity and your patience [:

point is, in the words of a shitton of other people: he's a hapless bimbo archetype, or at least attempts to embody it!!!!

he wants to be a strong female character, makes an idol out of an example of them (lara), but in the end the narrative itself bends backwards to call him pathetic. point and laugh at the moron in the piss coloured underpants. something something, yet another case of lost potential

there are specific circumstances under which jake does hit as a strong female character. that's getting old i'm gonna shorten that to sfc now. big thanks to tony crazyexdirkfriend for this perspective because the one angle where i can read jake as an sfc is from an extremely meta perspective, in reference to how he's built up to be someone with a lot of importance/skill/competence, while in reality his agency is pretty much moot. it's an empty label, all his "strength" is superficial and falls away once you look any deeper than the upper epidermis. that's neat as hell!!!! i don't think that's the take you were going for, but it is an angle i enjoy and appreciate <:

that being said, even with this and any accurate read of jake really, him having an evil woman arc will have to take place in a specific set of circumstances methinks,, like mfer is probably actively performing an insanity act for Some Reason, an angry tired jake is more likely to revert to sopping wet bawling retreat anger than anything else. letting him snap and go bananas will only work if you character arc his ass enough to change a fundamental part of him!!! and a crockertier scream match is more in jane's favour for. y'know all the years of being a vent box for him. which i don't think is accessible on a count of, y'know, Literal Mind Control

i am the no.2 supporter on the Let Jake Be Batshit train (only second because i know at least four people who'd tie for first) but i don't think he'd seek out attention from beyond the 4th wall. because he can't handle the pressure of being perceived. no walls have ever needed to be broken for jake english to be a star - he's always been performing!! for the people around him, for the narrative, to be the oblivious himbo that never meant to do any wrong. the core of jake english and what drives him to extremes has always been to be liked, and to be safe. maybe those two things are the same to him. it gets suffocating, y'know? and when something gets too much, jake does what he's always done: he runs.

so yeah, no, i don't think so. do let him be a catty bitch tho!! he deserves that [:

[atreyucannamos]

V: Disconformity

Soundtrack: I Am Legion - Make Those Move

Previously, Atreyu had been certain: facing down the rock tiger had been the most terrifying experience of their life. They were still pretty sure that was true, but after experiencing only a few minutes of Kohlrabba's driving, there was a strong new contender.

Kohlrabba was every bit the stereotype of a LUCIFER-class NHP, and proudly so. He piloted a subaltern body that looked human-ish, but boasted muscles it would be difficult for even a heavy-world bodybuilder to attain, and a flame-like tower of black hair that would be impossible for even the strongest hairgel to maintain. His taste in music could be generously described as "energetic," and more accurately as "deafening."

They said you could learn a lot about a noble by the caliber of his servants, and Kohlrabba certainly explained much about Delamar - but his driving certainly didn't explain how Delamar was still alive.

To be fair, they hadn't hit anything (except for twice the speed limit, multiple times), they hadn't been flagged down by the Gendarmerie, and they'd gotten to everywhere they'd wanted to go well ahead of schedule. Kohlrabba had also been as good as his word about finding Atreyu a "BOMB OUTFIT" - or at least, they were relatively certain he had. His dialect was so idiosyncratic it was difficult to tell what he was saying at times.

The NHP hooted eagerly as he cornered hard enough to throw Atreyu into him, even with their seatbelt engaged. He mistook the gesture for a high-five, and slapped the young noble in the face.

Then, without skipping a beat - and without any warning - he slammed on the breaks. "WE HAVE ARRIVED! NOW YOU'RE GOING TO PARTY HARD! I shall join you inside once I've PARKED THE WHIP!"

Atreyu unhooked their seatbelt, stumbled out of the groundcar, and patted themselves down to ensure that all of their extremities were still present and in the correct configuration. Behind them, there was a loud honking, a great screech of tires and a cloud of smoke as Kohlrabba did a full 180-degree turn and sped off towards the parking garage. A few of the people waiting in line were staring, and Atreyu felt their cheeks flush a little. Still, the outfit Kohlrabba had helped them assemble gave them a little confidence - they'd even found a cowboy hat in the right colour!

Soundtrack: Life Is Strange - Vortex Club Mix

Getting in wasn't an issue, and despite the crowds, Atreyu was quickly able to find Rawan. She was in the gaming corner, watching another student from the college - the one who'd been with Lord Aloysius last week - absolutely tearing it up at a pinball machine. She was doing so well that a small crowd had gathered, and Atreyu had to gently push through to get to Rawan.

Her eyes lit up when she saw them. "Atreyu!" She took a moment to fully appreciate the young noble's outfit. "Wow. You don't do things in half-measures, do you?"

Atreyu blushed again, but resisted their usual urge to scratch the back of their neck. "Well, I can't take all the credit. Kohlrabba - uh, that is, Delamar's man - helped me pick it out."

"Well," Rawan replied, gently flicking Atreyu's hat, "you wear it well, at least. Kay, I'm gonna go get some drinks with Atreyu. You good here?"

"Mhmmm," Kay mumbled, not paying the slightest bit of attention. She was too busy juggling what looked to be a five-multiball, her tongue poking slightly out of the side of her mouth. The machine's score tracker was climbing too fast to read, but it was already at eight digits.

"Feel like that girl sets a new highscore on everything she touches," Rawan commented, weaving through the crowd and towards the bar. "What're you drinking?"

Atreyu looked at the dizzying array of spirits behind the bar, and felt choice paralysis creep in. "You know what? Let's start slow. I don't want to be boring, but I also don't want to overdo it. Something mild and local."

"Beer, then," Rawan decided, motioning to the bartender as she sat down. "Two Amber Thrones."

Being a student at the College seemed to get you quick service, as she barely had time to turn back to Atreyu before her order was placed down next to her.

The next hour or so was spent in conversation. Atreyu felt like they were speaking mostly about themself - Rawan asked a lot of questions, and seemed content to let them talk for minutes at a time. It felt awkward to Atreyu, perhaps a little bit self-absorbed, but by the same measure, this was the first time in a decade that they'd gotten to talk about themself this much to a person who genuinely seemed to care.

Atreyu laid it all out: life on the Cannamos estate (before and after their disgrace), their opinions on Republicanism and Free Sanjak, the sense of purpose they'd regained here at the College, and their genuine belief in the ideal of the Kavalier. Praya didn't get mentioned, though - Atreyu figured that Rawan probably wouldn't want to talk about her, given their history.

"So," Atreyu exclaimed, "enough about me. I hear so much about the Dawnline Shore, but it's always something happening on Upper Laurent - House of Stone nonsense. What's San Simeon like?"

"San Simeon?" Rawan repeated quizzically, looking confused for a moment. "Oh. Right, yeah. It's... vibrant, you know? Always something new happening, getting built. Kind of a contrast to this place, you know? Feels as if even somewhere like this club is a thousand years old." They glanced over Atreyu's shoulder. "Hey, isn't that your squadmate?"

Atreyu turned to see Caelan climbing onto a stage on the other side of the club. Even above the noise of the music, there was a slight thrum as a silence screen cut that entire section of the venue off, altering the acoustics slightly as sound no longer passed between different halves of the room.

"Oh! Karaoke's starting!" Rawan caught the look of incomprehension on Atreyu's face, and elaborated. "You wanna go check it out?"

Atreyu knew of the ancient and noble Old Earth tradition of Karaoke, the rite of exalting one's favoured musicians through imitation. There had never been any opportunity to do it on the family estate, especially once they'd fallen from favour, but they'd dreamed of it many times.

"Yeah!" Atreyu exclaimed, with a vigour that surprised even them. "Yeah, I would," they repeated, "let's do it!"

Navigating through the crowd took a lot longer than they'd thought, and by the time they got through the silence screen, Caelan had almost finished the pop-ballad he'd chosen. Persephone was up next, and she'd chosen to sing the leitmotif of some famous hedge-pankrati out in the Long Rim - Howl, her name was. It was a loud, abrasive tune, full of fire and rage - Atreyu thought it quite unlike the gentle fox girl currently singing it, but she clearly knew the lyrics off by heart, and the infectious energy she brought to the stage filled Atreyu with the urge to do something incredibly foolish.

Pulling up the local interface, Atreyu entered themself into the lineup, choosing a song they'd often listened to in the comfort of their own room, with what little privacy it afforded them. They turned to their companion. "Hey, Rawan, can I borrow one of your Ungrateful patches?"

She raised an eyebrow, but quickly pulled the Fusion Rifle Flag off of her jacket and handed it over. Atreyu quickly pressed it onto their vest and waited for their turn on stage. Persephone had clearly captured the crowd's imagination, and when she finished her song, there was a hearty round of applause. Atreyu patted her on the shoulder as they passed one another.

Seizing the microphone, Atreyu took a moment to center themselves. They imagined looking out not at the crowd of a club, but of the Court Unyielding, with their uncle at its head.

"My name is Lord Atreyu-Cannamos of the House of Stone, and I dedicate this song to my uncle, the shitlord Hyderad-Cannamos!"

Soundtrack: Architects - be very afraid

Go!

Before the crowd could properly process what they'd said, the song exploded into being. Atreyu took a deep breath, hoping the years of singing lessons they'd been subjected to at the family estate would finally come in useful.

We bleed an open wound! The stitches are of no use! Nothing will satisfy! We're suffering the classic symptoms of a broken

Atreyu closed their eyes and poured ten years of poison into a feral scream.

SPIRIT! OH! YOU WANNA PUSH ME TO THE FUCKING LIMIT?! (This is how you keep a tiger tame?) NOTHING WORTH FIGHTING FOR? JUST LOOK OUTSIDE YOUR DOOR THEY ALL SAY REVOLUTION'S ON ITS WAY

Their eyes snapped open again, and they stared out towards their uncle's phantasm with manic intensity.

SO BE VERY AFRAID!

Atreyu was just present enough in the real world to see that half the crowd were still in shock, and the other half were headbanging furiously.

Waiting for the world to burn Living but we never learn Sorry, it don't look good We're suffering the classic symptoms of a broken

Now half of the crowd who'd been standing slackjawed were moving as well. Atreyu felt a surge of confidence, a power they hadn't felt in their entire life.

SPIRIT! OH! YOU WANNA PUSH ME TO THE FUCKING LIMIT?! (This is how you keep a tiger tame?) NOTHING WORTH FIGHTING FOR? JUST LOOK OUTSIDE YOUR DOOR THEY ALL SAY REVOLUTION'S ON ITS WAY

The music died down to a whisper. So uncle had humiliated Atreyu for ten years just for having principles? Just for disagreeing? He'd lashed out rather than daring to look inward?

If Armageddon can't eclipse our pain Every action left will be in vain It's like boiling the ocean Nothing left to do but to bottle the emotion

Even in the midst of this fury, Atreyu smiled to themself. This certainly didn't feel like bottling the emotion.

'Cause we're all players and the world's a stage We'll give a fuck so long as we get paid It's like boiling the ocean Nothing left to do but to bottle the emotion

The drums and guitars returned, crashing down on the room. Atreyu was vaguely aware that people were crossing the silence screen from the other just to see what was going on.

BE VERY AFRAID! IT'S LIKE BOILING THE OCEAN! EVERYTHING WE LOVE LIES RESTING ON A BROKEN

They drew in a breath that felt like all the world's air at once.

SPIRIT!

(You wanna push me to the fucking)

LIMIT!

(These are the symptoms of a broken)

SPIRIT!

(You wanna push me to the fucking)

LIMIT!

THE CLASSIC SYMPTOMS OF A BROKEN

(Spirit)

Atreyu could see slates and phones held high in the crowd. There were at least a dozen people recording this. That should've been terrifying, the idea that uncle might actually see this little tantrum, but instead, Atreyu felt... empowered. Let Hyderad see the fruits of his labour - after all, wasn't this what he wanted?

YOU WANNA PUSH ME TO THE FUCKING LIMIT?! (This is how you keep a tiger tame?) NOTHING WORTH FIGHTING FOR? JUST STEP OUTSIDE YOUR DOOR THEY ALL SAY REVOLUTION'S ON ITS WAY

Thirteen years ago, when they had told Hyderad they were the Titan and they felt brave, it had been a lie. Now, though? Now, if Hyderad were to ask them again, it would be the Passions' honest truth.

THEY ALL SAY REVOLUTION'S ON ITS WAY BE VERY AFRAID, LET'S ALL BE VERY AFRAID 'CAUSE THEY ALL SAY REVOLUTION'S ON IT'S WAAAAAAAY

Atreyu held the note as long as they dared, as long as their vocal cords would tolerate, until it withered to a hoarse croak in their throat. They sank to one knee, gasping for breath. Their ears were ringing so hard they only just registered that the entire club was cheering.

Struggling to their feet, Atreyu managed a shaky bow. The sloppy form would've appalled their tutors, but that somehow felt appropriate. They stumbled offstage to riotous applause, seeking Rawan in the crowd.

She was staring at them, wide-eyed.

"Holy shit, Atreyu," she yelled.

Atreyu pulled the Fusion Rifle Flag patch off their vest and tried to hand it back to Rawan, but she smiled and took their hand, closing their fist around it.

"No. I think you can keep that."

[pretty-chaotic-world]

if my BPD can scream

1. I wish i could have a normal love... but no, my brain wants to worship every little detail of you until it drives me insane

2. sorry i pushed you away i felt abandoned and suicidal 

3. I’m sick of going to bed and knowing things won’t be better tomorrow 

4. I'll ask you thousands times if you really love, please don't get annoyed

5. I'll create "drama" and mishaps only to feel like I'm in home

6. i’m afraid that one day my anger will overshadow the little love i still have left for the world

7. I feel numb. No tears, no anger, nothing. Just going through the same day again and again. I would rather just sleep without waking up.

8. I'm so tired of everytime one small argument or inconvenience breaks out I want to end it and self destruct, it's so draining. 

9. I want to stop feeling anything and when i actually don't it breaks my heart but I can't cry it out.

10. "its all in your head" well duh where tf else is it gonna be??? in my fucking kidneys????

11. I am constantly between wanting people to care about me and wanting them not to so I can hurt myself without feeling guilty 

12. Psychiatrist told me there is no cure for bpd and I've to change myself. Well why cant they just let me die then?

13. Until you live with bpd you'll never know what it's like to be too much and not enough at the same time.

14. i know im constantly too much for everyone but sometimes i just want to be enough for someone

15. if he will leave me, my next diagnosis will be of "sociopath"

16. im so jealous of all the people who see him and touch him and talk to him every single day it should be me me me me 

17. oh I got my hair coloured. why? because I can't hurt myself anymore 

18. "you're so distant" because you can't handle my abandonment issues.

19. My younger self disappoint me a lot. like why were you begging people to stay in your life? ohh no worries I know the answer

20. I wanna throw a plate against the wall, stab a knife through my hand, destroy my laptop with a hammer, smash my door in with an axe and spray graffiti all over the walls of my room 

21. Why shouldn’t I be mad? Why can’t I just be angry and be allowed to feel it? Why can’t I burn everything down?

22. I have to watch my mouth every fucking second to make sure I don't destroy every relation I have coz apparently social life matters!!

23. Isnt it fucked up how he got away with every horrible thing he made me experience and I’m the one who has to live with myself feeling absolutely fucking worthless 

24. I don't deserve food and love. im a horrible person.

25. this is how my eating cycle goes

feeling weak coz i haven't ate anything -> eat -> purge -> feeling guilty after purging -> eat more -> feeling guilty after eating so much -> cry coz you don't know what's happening

26. the diagnosis makes me believe I'm not insane just lil emo ig!! NOOOO YOU'RE INSANE

27. “don’t let it bother u” baby i’m gonna be bothered by this for the next 10 years 

28. if I tell you I love you its equivalent to I can kill someone for you

29. Actually upon further inspection that shit really hurt my feelings 

30. I don't dive into insecurity anymore, i drown in self-loathe

31. i shut up in between group convo coz I know I'll talk invaluable shit and nobody really cares what I say until it's psychology class

32. "if you are fully aware of yourself, why do you keep acting like that?" slapping self awareness on top of bpd only grants the ability to watch yourself self-destruct straight from the vip section thats all it does literally

33. “Where do you see yourself in the future” building a cult for mentally ill people 

34. ofc I've a praise kind i was ignored as a child

35. I'm much better than I was before. you know why coz I don't to air now and don't see monsters walking by side all the time

36. No I don't want to self harm anymore I need to kill that fucking monster

37. Don't mind me, I'm just casually sabotaging all my positive relationships with negative delusions because my life doesn't feel real unless something dramatic and destructive is constantly occurring 

38. i don’t care i don’t care i don’t care (im going to sob my fucking eyes out)

39. “Stop making your disorder your personality” I have a fucking personality disorder for god sake

40. turning my mental illnesses into kinks and calling it the BDSM-5 

41. "destroy something precious while you're in rage" ohh yeaa and then I'll do that again and again 

42. what I hate most about my BPD is the fact that I have started doubting every emotion that I’ve ever felt in my life, whether it’s love, my grief through multiple traumas, or my anger, & it’s so saddening. It has actually led me to start questioning my reality.

43. if I need medication to stay alive, am I really meant to be here?

44. it's either be alone without 75% of my symptoms, or be with someone and display the most horrendous unstable awful version of myself. why do i have to choose between love & happiness or peace & stability?

45. That fucking bpd rage where everyone's voices makes you want to scream and every noise around you makes you want to sh and you're so mad you can almost feel the cuts everywhere 

46. getting worked up to the point of becoming physically ill (throwing up/stomach issues etc) because you felt rejected/abandoned by your favourite person  

47. i wish my trauma made me kind as everyone says but i’m becoming what i fear the most- a monster.

48. imagine getting diagnosed with a personality disorder and the only visible representation of that disorder is an animated horse man, a sociopathic sitcom character from philadelphia, and darth vader

[i-write-boop-spoops]

Blue Oak with a pregnant! S/O headcanons

Thanks for the request anon! Hope you enjoy!

Features pregnancy, gn! reader, mild references to sex

Let’s get one thing straight off the bat

Man is so stoked to be a dad!

He's so happy when you tell him

Hugging you so tight and grinning from ear-to-ear

Already talking about how awesome your kid's gonna be!

It doesn't matter one bit if baby was planned or not. his reaction is the exact same

Constantly

And I mean constantly

Brags about your pregnancy

Even though all he did was bust a nut while you do the actual work and grow a full-ass human being inside you

Red's naturally the god(arceus?)father

His grandpa is delighted by the news

Getting to witness the fourth generation of his lineage...

Not many people get to meet their great-grandchildren, it's very special

Blue is pretty (and by that I mean 100%) sure your kid’s gonna be a trainer

One of the best in fact

"It's in their DNA!" he says

Not how that works but anyways

Convinced every kick shows off their fighting spirit!

Whispers about stats and type matchups to your belly

Of course if your kid ends up wanting to pursue a different path, he'll support them 100%

He's still holding out hope though 🤞

Gets himself a DILF shirt and mug because he's that vain

he's right tho

Gets you your respective mug and shirt too

He thinks the title fits ;)

The nursery is eevee themed!

After all, not only is it a cute, fluffy and friendly

It has the potenrial to evolve into so many different and great things!

Also a very soothing colour-scheme too

He gets the kiddo kanto starter plushes too

Fully intending to have them pick their starter

Straight outta the womb lol

His main solution to your mood swings is food and compliments

Always has his hand on your bump, whether you're out and about or at home

BABYMOON fucking hate that word TO ALOLA

It's gonna be the last time you two go on a holiday alone for a long while

Plus it's a great chance to relax before baby comes

Sure sipping mocktails instead of cocktails doesn't quite have the same effect

But enjoying the warm, languid sunshine while chilling on a sandy beach, listening to waves

Not to mention gorging yourself on ice cream and malasadas

And you get to wear cute, tropical outfits!

I feel like Blue would take lots of pictures of you

He thinks you're so beautiful - he's so proud too

If you agree to it, he'll post them to his socials

Bragging all the while ofc

Does a timelapse of the photos at the end to show the progression of your pregnancy

Unfortunately, he would be the kind of guy to say yes to the nurse when they ask you (aka the person literally in labour) if you want some food

"Man, I am so tired right now..."

"You're tired?! I have been pushing YOUR BABY out for the past TWELVE HOURS!!"

[fushigujiro]

𝐖𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐲 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮

➤ Pairing; Draken, Hanma, Rindou, Shinichiro x gn!reader!

➤ Warnings; fluffy stuff~

DRAKEN

Ken loves it when you help out at his shop with him. He is working with new bikes at the back and he looks up through the door that leads to you at the front desk just writing whatever information is needed. He also loves it when you take care of customers when he can’t at that certain time or moment. He also VERY MUCH adores you when you have the same knowledge as him when it comes to bikes and motors. It’s like such a turn on for him, when he can just be staring at you with so much love and then when you finish talking and you notice he’s just staring at you then all of a sudden he just picks you up and hugs you tight with a genuine smile on his face.

“Look at my girl being such a nerd~”

“But you love it!”

“That I do….and you too.”

HANMA

Shuji loves it when you kiss the tattoos on both of his hands. You two are just laying down on the bed cuddling each other then he feels two lingering kisses on the backs of his hands and finds you who is the cause of it. Even though he acts like he doesn't like it which he fully does, he loves it when you get a boatload of markers and just colour his tattoos. Seeing you just get excited and seeing you concentrate while trying to draw on his skin makes is heart clench so bad.

“What are you doing?”

“Definitely not coloring your hands..”

“Baby—”

“IT’S WASHABLE!!”

RINDOU

Rindou absolutely adores it when you give a lot of kisses. It’s very simple but it makes him feel so loved that he wants to cry. It did one time-- ALMOST but it did happen. He comes home from a meeting or just out with his brother and the second the door closes is the second you are in his arms giving him boat loads of small kisses and pecks. he thinks he felt a lick on his face but he’ll let it pass. The more kisses you give him, the more you're gonna hear little giggles from him-- bro, HE SOUNDS SO CUTE MAN!!

One time when he came home, and he didn't get kisses when he opened or closed the door to the house, he got grumpy quick. Pouting, arms crossed and everything..flipping baby. He found out you were just distracted by the game you were playing on your phone all the way upstairs in your shared room. He stood at the door way with his foot tapping on the ground very loudly to catch your attention and when you seen him you smiled but looked at him in confusion as to why he looks like that. Then you quickly figured that you didn’t give him his kisses when he came home and ran to him full speed with a whole lotta kisses to give. He went to sleep with a satisfied smile...he's such a brat bro i swear

SHINICHIRO

Shinichiro loves it when you are basically..you! He has no specific thing he loves about you because he loves all of you equally...okay I AM TELLING THE TRUTH, I AM, but he loves it when you are very intimidating..make sense? Like for example, you and his friends are hanging out at a park bench just talking, laughing, and then all of a sudden a group of people, men, like 3 or 5, pop up walking towards you guys.

“Well hello there sweet thang~”

You cringe at the unfamiliar and flirty voice that was close to you and was most likely thrown at you. You turned around and so do the others to look at the weird guys right behind you. They were taller than you, yes, but they didn't scare you one bit.

“I am not a ‘sweet thang’ and what do you want?”

Your annoyed voice was known as you were already tired off these men behind you already. Shinichiro just sat back and enjoyed to whatever was about to happen knowing you know how to take care of yourself.

“Ouuuuuuu, she's a tough cookie~ we like those.”

“Luckly, she doesn't like you.”

“She’s taken you freak now, walk away,.”

Wakasa and Akashi spoke as Benkei stood up ready to deal with them but you held out your hand to stop him from moving any further. He listens to you but stays behind you if anything as the guy continues to speak.

“And who is that special man then, huh? That boy right there?”

The guy points to Shinichiro who just looks at him unamused. You narrow your eyes at him at the slight jab he made at your boyfriend.

“And what about it?”

“He definitely looks like a little ass loser who also can’t-”

The way your foot connected with his covered junk, and with the way it made a little crack definitely made the guys shut up and just wheezed his way oall the way down to the ground while holding his private part in pain. The other guys that were with him, already started to walk backwards fast, not only because of you but the way Benkei was staring right at them.

“It’s a good thing that he is my loser then.”

You finished and looked up at bekei who gave you a pat on the head and went ahead to the guy still in pain. Akashi and Wakasa turned their backs towards you like something serious was up..

“What’s wrong?”

“We heard that crack, y/n.”

“You will never get the chance to kick my dick even if you're mad at me.”

“Flippin demon.”

You laughed at how they looked spooked out by the thought of them getting kicked in the same place. You look at Shinichiro who has his head on his hand just looking at you dreamily.

“What’s with you now?”

“Baby, you can kick me anytime you want..THAT WAS SO HOT!”

“Of course he would say this...sicko.”

“WAKA HUSH!”

keisukefushiguro © 2021 all right reserved.

[startanewdream]

goodnight kiss

there was this very cute post telling how Ginny kissing Harry goodnight is canon and this idea has been playing around in my mind for a while, so here's a missing moment set during Harry and Ginny's first days of relationship:

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

The first time it happens, Harry thinks it's his fault for being too distracted.

They are in the Common Room and in an effort to prove that he isn't abandoning his best friends just because he is dating now—and a bit to set an example for Ron and Hermione, just in case—, Harry spends the evening finishing an essay with Hermione and then playing chess with Ron. And if his gaze keeps drifting to Ginny, well, he won't feel guilty about it.

She keeps winking at him every time she sees him, her concentrated face breaking into his favourite grin and it takes even more effort to not drop everything and go to her side. But he endures and he is really involved in his match by the time he feels her sweet flowery perfume; he turns at once.

Ginny gives him a bright smile, places a soft kiss that ends even before he registers the feeling of her lips, and waves at the other two.

"I can't keep my eyes open one second longer," she declares heavily. "See you tomorrow."

And then she is gone to her dormitory leaving only the trace of her scent and Harry can't stop the feeling that he must have done something wrong.

The thought slips from his mind until two days later, when it happens again. Ginny is standing against his legs, reading her notes, when she jumps to her feet, stretching her back lazily. "I think I'm gonna crash early today."

"History of Magic?" Harry guesses, eyeing her notes.

"What else?” A smirk blossoms at her lips. “Maybe tomorrow you could help me study something more interesting."

"I could help you now."

"Tempting," she admits unashamedly. "But I'm really tired and I'd rather keep my stamina for a happy Sunday tomorrow."

And Ginny winks at him, lowering her head enough to brush her lips against his—Harry opens his mouth, desperate to feel her taste, to pull her closer—but she is gone before he has the chance.

It bothers him.

The next night, after a very productive day—not for studies if studies are limited to subjects taught at Hogwarts, that's it—, when they are finally saying their goodbyes by the stairs to her dorm, Harry doesn’t leave it to chance.

He pulls her into his arms and even as his hands are cupping her face, fingers feeling the strands of her hair, his mouth captures her, tongue searching for a permission that she grants him at once, and then there is only her sweet taste and the feeling that Harry never found anywhere else but in her. A moan escapes her lips—a sound that Harry treasures each time he hears it—and when they break apart, at last, oblivious to the wolf-whistling in the room and a break of nervous giggles, her face is all flushed.

“Wow,” she whispers, beaming, her eyes the colour of melted chocolate. “What was that for?”

“A goodnight kiss,” he says, but it sounds more like a question.

“It’ll be really hard to sleep after this, but I appreciate it anyway.”

And then Ginny does it again—she kisses him softly, a peck he barely feels with the way his lips are still tingling after that perfect goodnight kiss, and she is gone.

What is he doing wrong?

The question keeps pounding on his mind all night and the following day. By then even Ron is noticing there is something wrong, but Harry can’t share his struggles with him. For one, Harry is sure Ron never faced the same trouble: he and Lavender only did full snog sessions. For two, it’s about Ginny. He can’t ask her brother what is wrong with his kiss.

Ginny finds him by lunchtime, meeting him in front of the Great Hall with a small basket and asking him if he doesn’t wanna have lunch with her on the grounds. Harry doesn’t miss the glance exchanged between Ginny and Hermione and this doesn’t help much.

Ginny waits until they are sitting by the shadow of their favourite tree to start it. “So, what’s bothering you?”

If it was anyone else, Harry would ignore it or divert the subject. But he doesn’t know anyone else but Ginny who would ask him directly like that and this is one of the things he most likes about her anyway, so his answer is truthful.

“Am I a bad kisser?”

Ginny blinks; whatever she was expecting, it clearly wasn’t this. “The amount of time I’ve spent kissing you for the last week shows that I think you’re a very good kisser,” she says slowly. “Where is this coming from?”

He pursues his lips. “You’re avoiding kissing me.”

Another blink. “Er… no?”

“At night at last.” Another of his concerns arise. “Is it bad breath? I can brush—”

“I like your breath,” she assures him at once. “I like everything about kissing you actually. In case it’s not obvious, which apparently isn’t.”

“You—you avoid snogging me at night. As in you give me this… this peck and then you are gone and—”

“That’s just a goodnight kiss, Harry,” she replies quietly. “We don’t have to turn every kiss into a makeout session—not that I’d mind, but also… I enjoy every kiss we share.” A frown marks her forehead suddenly. “Unless you’re not happy with them? I get it if you were hoping we’d have more moments, it’s just with classes and—”

“No, no.” Now another panic floods him. “Every moment we spend together it’s… like something I could never have even imagined. Or if I could—it’s better.”

She breathes slowly. “Good. Because I swear even a little peck just makes me… sparkle.”

“Sparkle?”

A blush spreads across her face but Ginny looks resolute. “Yeah, let me try to show you. Close your eyes—and don’t move.”

He obeys her diligently, closing his eyes and standing still even as he feels the shadow of her face over his. And then he feels her lips over his very gently, tugging at his lower lip, then upper lip; he never really appreciated before how soft her mouth feels as he stands there, feeling their brush. Then she places a soft kiss at the corner of his mouth, the touch sending shivers down his body as effectively as when they are fully kissing.

“Oh,” he whispers when he opens his eyes to find her staring at him nervously. “I see sparkles.”

A beam draws away any worry from her face.

Later that night, Harry finds Ginny exchanging Charms notes with her colleagues.

“You’ll be staying up?” he asks, glancing at her watch. It’s almost midnight.

“We’re almost finishing the revision for Fourth Grade spells.”

“Do you want me to wait for you?”

“No, go rest. I’m fine. We can meet for breakfast tomorrow.”

“I’d like that,” he agrees, smiling, and Ginny turns briefly to him, sharing a quick kiss—her mates giggle, still unused to them, but Harry hopes to win them over with time.

“Good dreams.”

He is sure he will dream about her, but Harry feels this is not the moment to disclose this information. Instead, he just nods. “And you too.”

And for good measure, he lowers his head to place a soft kiss on her cheek, admiring how the blood flushes there as if attracted to his mouth. Harry smiles to himself. Perhaps he can start his own goodnight kiss tradition.

[ushiluv]

Good Little Girl 

step-daddy!atsumu x reader 

recently divorced, your mom was quick to find a new boy toy to spend her time with, but what happens when that boy toy finds interest in you? (wc: 1635)

warnings 

somnophilia (kinda?), creepy tsumu, overstimulation, age gap (reader is an adult), one (1) pussy slap and one (1) face slap, dumbification, reader has female anatomy, size kink, nipple play, breeding kinda, sex with no protection... also NOT proof read (yet)

note from the author 

this is the first smut i’ve ever published pls lmk what you think about it and what i could improve! always open to criticism 

The divorce did not take as big of a toll on your mom as you thought it would. You thought that being cheated on by her husband of 20 years would ruin her life but it didn’t, quite the contrary actually.

When you met Atsumu, you didn’t really know what to think. 28 years old and a career already secured, you wondered what he and your mother had in common. The age gap between them was big, big enough to make people’s eyes widen at the revelation of it, but neither him or your mom seemed to care.

Atsumu was quick to develop an interest in you. Who wouldn’t? You were everything he wanted and more; the thought of the woman he was dating was already far gone for him, he wanted you and what Atsumu wants, Atsumu gets. That probably explains the lingering touches on your body, the far too heavy stares on you, the weird interest in your love life. You couldn’t deny that the attention he gave you didn’t make you feel a little funny on the inside. Atsumu was a clearly attractive and successful man, but it felt wrong. Wrong, but not wrong enough for you to play with yourself at night, wishing it was his fingers instead of yours, and fantasizing about a reality where you two could be a couple.  

Little muffled moans left your mouth, it was late at night, your mom and her boyfriend already fast asleep. With a hand on your mouth and the other down your pretty baby blue panties, you started wondering how Atsumu’s hands would feel, how his calloused experienced hands would toy with you. The thought was enough to bring you to the edge and you finally released with a whimper of his name leaving your pretty lips. Too tired to move, you fell asleep in the same position, one hand on your stomach and the other on your naked chest.

Atsumu was a morning person. Getting out of the bed he shared with the woman next to him last night, he made his way to your room, hoping to catch a glimpse of you before the day started. Slightly pushing your bedroom door, the sight in front of him left him breathless. Your nipples were perked due to the cold temperature of the room, your sleeping face was so peaceful and calm, Atsumu felt his boxers getting tighter. He didn’t know what pushed him to do his next move, he knew deep down it was wrong but he couldn’t contain himself anymore. He welcomed himself inside your room and quietly closed the door behind him.

“You’re so pretty” he whispered to himself as he placed a knee on your bed and leaned down. A hand of his came up to your face to push away a few strands of hair, letting him catch a better view of you. He placed a kiss on your forehead, “Gonna take good care of you.”

He was quick to kiss the skin of your boobs, warming them up for his hot tongue. He would look up at you once in a while, checking if his ministrations had woken you up but you were still in deep sleep. Feeling bolder, he opened his mouth and let himself suck on your left nipples, coating the little bud with his saliva. He couldn’t stop himself from biting down a bit, causing a little whimper to leave your mouth. He smirked to himself as he continued toying with your chest.

The weight on your chest began to be hard to ignore. Opening your eyes slowly, the sight in front of you almost made you believe you were still dreaming.

“T-tsumu?” your voice was quiet and sleepy, but it only made his cock twitch.

“Shh pretty girl” he kissed your jaw “Just let me take care of you, yeah?”

You nodded. Taking this as a sign, Atsumu properly straddled your hips and helped you take off your shirt.

He let out a breath. “Bet you’ve been dreaming about this, haven’t you? Don’t think I haven’t noticed how you look at me when your mom is away.” his voice was raspy and soft, he tried to keep it down. “You’re a dirty girl, you know that? Fantasizing about your mother’s boyfriend.” a low chuckle left his mouth as your cheeks turned a bright red colour.

He left a kiss on your forehead and lowered his hand down your body until it reached your crotch. He didn’t break eye contact with you as his hand toyed with the hem of your cotton panties. With a finger, he circled your clit and hummed as he felt the sticky wetness that slowly grew on the fabric.

“You’re soaking wet. Gonna let me ruin your pretty panties? Gonna let me make a mess out of you?”

You were about to respond but the only sound that left your mouth was a loud moan caused by how two of his fingers pinched your clit. “Please touch me.” you breathed.

“But I am touching you, baby. You gotta be more precise, use your words.”

“Please touch me properly, daddy, I’ll do anything.”

Cooing at your begging attempt, he pushed your panties aside and pushed two fingers inside of you. The tightness made him groan and the sound only made you clench around him.

“I can’t wait to destroy you” he mumbled to himself. His fingers started going in and out of you as his thumb played with your little bundle of nerve. Your little whimpers started growing louder and he wanted nothing more to hear you scream his name but he couldn’t afford getting caught either. He leaned down to press a messy open mouthed kiss on your lips, his fingers still toying with your cunt.

“If you want daddy to keep playing with you, you have to keep quiet.” he said against your lips. You slightly nodded and brought a hand to your mouth, hoping it would lower your sounds.

Feeling you get tighter around his two fingers, he let a globule of spit fall in your cunt, making everything even messier. The sight it was enough to bring you over the edge. You climaxed over his fingers with a hand on your mouth while a few praises left his mouth and traveled to your ears.

“Good girl, good fucking girl.” he removed his hand from your messy hole and gave a small tap to your clit. The gesture made you flinch. “Came around daddy’s fingers with no shame.”

Seeing him bring his fingers to your mouth, you parted your lips open and invited them in. Your tongue swirled around his two digits and you could feel his hard on pressing against your thigh. Grabbing his wrist with two hands, you removed his fingers from your mouth.

“Wanna make daddy feel good now.” you said, looking up at him.

Atsumu swore he lost his mind at that moment. Without wasting any time, he lowered his boxers to his thighs and let his cock spring free. With wide eyes, you wondered if you would be able to take him. He started playing with you using the tip of his cock, sliding it through your wet folds.

“Is it gonna fit?” you asked with a small voice.

“Hm?” Atsumu was mesmerized by how tiny your cunt looked next to him. “We’ll make it fit.”

As he said those words, he pushed slightly into your hole. The tip made it past your entrance. Seeing the tears in your eyes, Atsumu smirked to himself.

“You’re doing so good, doll. Taking me so good” he pushed a bit more, “The worst is already over lemme bottom out, baby, please” he begged as he waited for any form of consent from you. When you nodded your head, he couldn’t hold himself back anymore. With one swift motion, his cock was finally fully inside you. You could feel his tip kissing your cervix and that one spot even you have a hard time to reach. It’s when he started moving that you felt yourself completely lost.

“ ‘so… is so good” you breathed.

“Yeah? Princess is going stupid over her daddy’s cock?” he gave a light slap to your right cheek “Look at you drooling like a dumb puppy.” he chuckled.

He kept drilling into you, muttering a few curse words and groaning when he felt your gummy walls clench around him. He started rubbing messy circles on your clit with three fingers, all thought of waking up your mom were already forgotten, he just wanted to feel you cum around his dick no matter how loud you two were being.

“I’m almost there daddy” you said as your nails dipped into his forearms.

“Cum for me, baby, wanna feel you cream”. He groaned

A few more thrusts were enough to make you come undone around him. The clenching of your cunt had him spill his load inside you. With his cock still in your warmth, he let himself fall on you, hugging your body closer to his. None of you said anything for a few minutes, still recuperating from the shock of your orgasms. He leaned back again and slowly removed his dick from your pussy, taking a mental picture of how you clenched around nothing as some of his cum spilled out of your hole. He put his boxers back to place and replaced your panties into their original position. 

He patted your crotch.“Keep it inside you, don’t want you to waste a drop.”

You hummed, too dizzy to hold a proper conversation. Suddenly, a sense of panic took over you. “Wait daddy, I’m not on the pill.” 

“I know, baby.” he placed a kiss on your forehead and left your room as quietly as he entered it.

[genshingarbage]

Could I request any boys of your choice where they’ve had an exhausting day and their s/o says they should take a nap on their lap? Thank you!

Cute boi hours again? Yes <3 Sleepy time awe! I am gonna pick a very select few that i think this works well with, so i hope you're okay with the hand picked few ;) - Mod Diluc

Rest My Love.

|| Head Cannons ||

Kazuha/Diluc/Xiao/Kaeya

Kazuha

He was beat, exhausted and aching, every muscle in his body ached like something fierce. But, who ever said the life of a lone wandering samurai was gonna be a breeze? Yea, that's right- no one. Because it sure as hell wasn't. He was use to feeling this way yet somehow it still made him just as grouchy as the first time.

He walked into the small building that was titled as your homestead and yawned; stretching his arms out he heard a few odd bones pop from the pressure, it relieved some of his tension but not nearly enough for it to be actually satisfying. With a huff he removed some of his more heavy going clothing, including his shoes, till he was more loose and relaxed.

He shuffled slowly into the house, trying not to wake you. You were his lover and so him coming to your home was somewhat normal now, but he often was away for large periods of time, and he never liked to disturb you. Specially when you're busy. Which you were, you had your nose deep between the pages of a gripping story written so entrancing like from a book. So much for his first theory that you'd be asleep at this time, huh?

He tried to creep past you as you read, but you wasn't born yesterday. So with a roll of your eyes and a soft exhale from your nose you spoke out. "Kazuha. Welcome home hun." You didn't even bother to turn your head around to him, you knew fully well he was frozen in his steps now, eyes wide like a doe caught in headlights. He blinked a few times before sorting himself back to his normal standing position and chuckling awkwardly, a breif rub to the back of his neck ensued.

"Ah, yea, I'm uh- yea. I'm home, thanks Y/N. I really didn't wanna disturb you there." He spoke softly and with great regret; like he'd just committed an awful crime. You simply closed the book after having bent the tip of the page you were on, as to know where to start off when you return to it, and placed the item down on the small table infront of your sofa. "Kazuha, it's fine... I was only reading a book." You chuckled gently.

"I know, but... it felt wrong to interupt you so abruptly specially when you seemed so into it-" you'd twisted your torso ever so slightly so your eyes could lay on his now, your heart almost broke, he looked absolutely shattered- like all life was drained from him. Just what had this crazy man gotten up to in his absence? "Kazuha- oh my goodness. Look at you! You're about to pass out."

He smiled politely and waved his hand side to side as if dusting your worry back into the wind. "Nah, I'm a lil tired that's all. I'm gonna have a lie down, I'll be right as rain after." He went to go back to making his way to the exit of your living room, that is until you called out ever so gently. "Or well, I wouldn't mind if you rested your head on my lap." A faint blush flushed your cheeks. He turned to face you yet again. Blinking several times over again.

"Really?" He tilted his head almost like a curious puppy, he has no idea how cute he is sometimes. "I mean, sure why not? You've not been home for over a month. I do get lonely ya know, the company would feel nice, and your presence is always warm and welcoming." You smiled sweetly at him and he returned the expression with full earnest. Nodding softly he made his way to the sofa, where you rested, and now reshuffled and organised yourself to get into a more comfy position.

It wasn't long before he was laying on his side with his head nestled into your lap, breathing softly as your hand gently rested adorn his head of hair. "Mmh. You're right, this beats sleeping alone any day." He hummed sleepily to you, by the way his voice was giving out you could tell he was close to succumbing to his slumber already. With a gentle smile still planted across your lips you hushed him softly.

"Shh, rest now. My Kazuha." You began to hum a quaint little lullaby that had him snoring in under three minutes. This man, he works himself so hard, but still, it's one of the reasons you love him so much, the fact he's hard working and never gives in. And you have the comfort in your mind of knowing whenever he gets this tired again, he'll have you here to be by his peaceful sleeping side everytime. Now and forever.

Diluc

The sky was a beautiful orange and red tone, the colours mixed so beautifully, with the white fluffy clouds scattered around too, it looked like a stunning evening. You were sat alone at the dinner table again, your chin resting on your opened palm, your eyelids half shut to block the rays of the last bit of presence from the sun.

The candles had long since burned out and the beautiful sweet honeyed roast you'd prepare with such delicacy and tender care was going cold. Diluc was suppose to be home over thirty-five minutes ago, he promised he'd make it in time for whatever dinner the maids threw together tonight, he wasn't aware you'd taken it upon yourself to lovingly prepare tonight's meal for him.

You couldn't be mad at the man; or hold a grudge for that matter, you knew what type of person he was, you knew he wasn't one for sticking to plans and promises, he simply couldn't be with the work he has, not to mention his little sun down hobby that you became privy too after several years with the crimson haired gentleman. If there was one thing you were grateful for, it was the fact you knew without doubt he truly did love you. And in a way that was enough for you.

It was sundown now and your dinner had long been since tidied up by the maids, with a somewhat solemn look to your face you'd decided to go to bed early that night. Knowing Diluc, he wouldn't be home for hours to come anyway. Your eyes were just starting ache and your eyelids were starting to feel heavy for you now. Breathing in through your nose and out through your mouth softly you let your body sink further into the warm embracing sheets.

Click.

Your eyes slowly opened back up when you heard the all too familiar noise of your bedroom door opening, narrowing your eyes slightly to help adjust to the dim glow of the room, the small aid of illumination being provided solely by your nightstand candle. It wasn't hard to make out who it was however, since his deep red hair practically danced from the slight glow of the flicking flame.

"Diluc." It came out more like a whisper which you never intended for it too, but you were so gripped by tiredness now it was hard to sound more awake at the given circumstances. "Sorry for waking you my dear, wasn't my intention." You hummed softly in response and then watched as best as you could as he removed his attire and shoes, stripping down to just his boxers.

Gripping the band that kept his hair up was the last part, with a tug his hair flew down and waved apart, you kept a watchful eye on him. As it was when his hair was down that he was always at his most tired and vulnerable mental state now. "The maids told me Y/N." He still sounded strict, or at least he was trying his best too. But his voice wavered in every sense of the word.

The bed dipped beside you as his weight was added to the mattress now, a small groan escaping his lips. You knew what he meant, it wasn't a surprise the maids told him you'd prepared the dinner today, you'd just wish they'd not sometimes, to avoid adding more stress to the man's poor ordeals. "It's fine, it was just a small attempt. I'm not exactly the best cook to begin wit-"

The poorly sounding wince from him cut you off, the failed attempt to stifle it and keep it under wraps didn't go unnoticed. You narrowed your eyes at the man beside you in bed now, and then you saw. He was littered with cuts and bruises, they surely must hurt, why didn't he say anything? Scratch that. He never tells you anyway, thinking its better that way. Silly man.

With a gentle huff you shook your head, shuffling your weight and sitting up ever so slightly, your back pressing against the several puffed pillows under you. "Enough of that. Come here darling." It was your turn to sound strict however, and for once he didn't fight back. Your heart tugged at you slightly as you felt the weight shifting around beside you and then were suddenly graced with the feeling of his head nuzzling into your lap.

You took it upon yourself to softly begin to caress his head, letting your hand stroke and massage the man's hair and scalp. The groans and sighs that left him were evidence enough he was in a blissful state right now, your sweet Diluc. Always putting his life on the line to protect those less fortunate than him, when will he learn? That his life matters just as much. Sigh.

You heard a soft mutter from him, something along the lines of 'sorry' and 'dinner'. But he was already taken by the nights calming embrace to be formulating anything coherent now, so you closed your eyes with another soft shake of your head and continued to massage his head. Till both you and your hand laid still, silent, asleep. Whatever he'd done tonight, whatever reason he'd missed dinner, it didn't matter. As long as he loved you it was enough. It always has been, it always will be.

Xiao

The stars twinkled softly an slowly, looking so entrancing from down below, the dark blue sky washing above you with the dazzling twinkles looking like small fire flies dancing around. You stood there, your knee bent slightly as your weight was supported by the banister of the top balcony to Wangshu Inn. Any minute now, you thought to yourself calmly.

And is if on que a sudden and harsh breeze blew past you, followed up with a loud thud. You turned your head ever so slightly, seeing the young looking yaksha lifting back up from his crouch landing position. "Welcome home honey." you said somewhat stone like, to which you got a simple sounding 'Tsk' as response, as he chucked his spear lazily behind him, to which it dissolved away instantly.

You rolled your eyes to the quiet scoff that greeted you back, shaking your head slowly, your eyes went back to focus on the landscape below you from the viewpoint of the balcony. It was so peaceful and beautiful. "How has your day been?" You decided to question him further, all while remaining your focus elsewhere.

"Fine." he responded in short. This type of reply was normal to you now, he wasn't the talkative type, despite having been the first to say to you he loved you. "Well, that's good then." you said back in your normal sweet tone now. You could tell from that tone in his voice he was exhausted, he didn't have to say or do anything, you could just tell.

Thinking it was best to leave now and give him his privacy you turned away from the balcony and began to walk to the exit. "I will let you rest my love, see you soo-"

"Wait."

His voice was louder than its ever been round you, the faint flush on his cheeks was evidence enough he never intended for it to come out so loudly from his own mouth. "Xiao?" you turned back round, seeing him stood there looking like a somewhat lost lamb, it was damn cute.

"S...stay with me, ... please."

His voice, so soft, so sweet, so gentle. You felt your heart crack slightly, your poor adeptus, he must've been rushed off his feet tonight. The dark bags forming under his eyes said all you needed to hear.

Chewing your bottom lip softly you breathed in and then walked over to him slowly. "Xiao..." you whispered his name lovingly, his eyes met with yours and for a brief moment the air left your lungs, the sight of his exhausted face so close to you, actively seeking comfort within you, it was enough to melt the coldest of icebergs.

Letting your hand slip into his with a gentle squeeze, a small smile on your lips you led him down the stairs of the Inn, into your bedroom, a tidy and quaint little sleeping quarter. He needed to rest, he is pushing himself too much, and if you do not take action, he never will.

Climbing onto the bed once you'd abandoned your shoes on the carpet you looked up at him, laying in a relaxing position. The red on his cheeks only flushed deeper and darker, and you couldn't help but laugh softly. Such a lewd mind, oh my, you never expected him to get the wrong idea over a situation like this.

"Xiao- no... not that." you chuckled at his confused expression, he was so alien to the concept of just touch in general now, that to him he sees it so black and white, being close means being intimate, otherwise why get close? So it was up to you to show him the ways of being human again.

You let your hand softly pet and stroke your lap and he raised his brow, but seeing the sudden light in his eyes spark showed you he caught on to what you really were aiming for. So he hesitantly dipped onto the bed next to you, he was tense and his movements were awkward, but he eventually shuffled his head and body to lay down with his head nestled softly into your lap.

"Is this... okay?" he muttered it nervously, like he was scared the slightest movement would shatter everything around him. You looked down at him and gently kissed your fingers, pressing them against his lips in response. "Shh, rest my love, you need it." Just to further add to what you were saying you let your hand gently rub the outer ridge of his ear.

The blush eventually left his cheeks, the tensed muscles finally went lax and his breathing grew heavier and more unguarded, with a pleased hum from your lips you closed your eyes too and began to succumb to the sweet calling of slumber too.

As long as he has you, you will always be there to help[ him, he may be an adeptus, a yaksha, but you? He is just as human as you or anyone else. Wrath filled or not. He is and always will be your sweet little adeptus. Your perfect lover. Your Xiao.

Kaeya

Another late night and you sat cuddled up on the sofa scanning through several paintings, more specifically paintings that you had done over the course of several months. It was a hobby of yours, but with the aid of Albedo giving you tips and throwing you pointers here and there you'd become surprisingly good at it; who would've guessed you'd secretly be an artist in hiding? Not you that's for sure.

It was fun enough to help tide over the unsettling impatience that always started to bubble under your skin at least, specially on nights like this, where Kaeya, your boyfriend, who also happened to be the Calvary Captain for the Knights of Favonius was out at an ungodly late time, dealing with a suspicion of criminal activities, within the borders of Mondstadt.

He never broke his promises to you thus far, of which were he will always return safely home to you, but it never did fully destroy the raging thunder of worry that often seized your mind on a daily, who could blame you? The man was always in such dangerous predicaments. Who knew if this morning, or any morning for that matter, where you kissed him goodbye, would be the last time you ever would see his face when you waved him off?

It isn't his fault you know this, but you do wish that sometimes he would be cut slack, just a little, so you could for once not have to distract yourself with idle glances of your paintings while waiting for his return. If only every now and then Jean, The Acting Grand Master would just let him have a day off-

Click.

You jumped slightly upon hearing the noise of your front door not open, but actually close. Turning your head you saw Kaeya stood there, arms covering his chest in a crossed way, a raised brow prominent as he glared down at you. "How long have you been worrying?" His voice sounded so flat and monotone, almost a hint of exhaustion. Was he growing tired of your over worried nature?

"I... uh. uhm..." You were at a loss for words, how long had you been worrying exactly? Two, three hours now? You were unsure of the answer yourself. He shook his head and sighed out slowly, it was long and drawn out; he must be so tired from his work today, seeing you up at this hour acting like a child probably doesn't help his situation in the least.

You looked down sadly, feeling ashamed and guilty of yourself because you do this oh so often to him, he always prays your in bed, safely tucked up and lost in your own dreams before he gets home, but you never are, you're always awake and worried, your face far from the peaceful look he often daydreams you having.

"It doesn't matter anymore my little petal." He hums softly as he walks around the sofa to get within arms reach, crouching onto his own weight to scoop you up, your mind in shock you let the paintings slip from your grip and pool around the seat you were just in and the floor underneath you. "Whe- Kaeya?"

"Shh, it is time to head to the bedroom." He spoke so matter factually, which left you eyes wide and beet red, to which he glanced down and a smug chuckle slipped from him. "For sleep Y/N." You relaxed instantly, a sigh escaping you. "Unless of course, you want the other thing?" You squirmed, embarrassed beyond belief, he loved to teased you. "Quit it Kaeya!" You pouted at him, to which he just chuckled at lightly, planting a soft kiss on your head.

Once in the bedroom he drops you so you fall and sink into the softness of your mattress and covers, to which he joins you quickly after. Now both in bed he simply huffs as he turns and crawls around before you feel his head find its preferred resting place; your lap. You smile and gently chuckle. "May i?" He asks just a tad bit too late for permission.

"You're already laying there Kaeya, bit late for the formalities now." You roll your eyes and turn to blow the candle out, leaving you both in darkness and silence, just your soft and gentle breathing in unison as you stroke and massage his head, to which he groans gently in delight too. He is so sweet when he sleeps on your lap like this, you feel closer to him now than you ever normally do, unless you involve the factor of intimacy sexually.

Its calming and sweet, and it helps you remember that he will always keep his promise to you,

He will always come home safely.

[ceciliablossoms]

I just read the whiskey angst and i cried a bit 😭 can i request Fruit Punch + Absinthe after that the reader feel stressed and go for a walk outside but are attacked by Abiss Mages and seriously injured and Diluc / Childe / Kaeya is surprised when the reader return with a pathetic form but the reader don't want them to touch them pls 😭😭😭 REVERSE UNO

I genuinely wasn't expecting people to like that one enough to request a sequel. I originally had no intention of making a sequel but with so many people asking how can I not?

Haha.. I couldn't sleep again...

The Whiskey fic

TW: Mentions of Injury, Swearing, Self Hatred

Absinthe: “Get out of my sight! I don’t fucking want you here!”

Fruit Punch: “Why are you bleeding!? What the hell happened?!”

-------

Diluc

It had been several days since he had last seen them and honestly speaking the man was a mess. What he said hadn't fully sunk in until he finished his work and upon realising that he had made a severe error, a pit formed in his stomach.

He was extremely disgusted with himself. Nobody should ever talk to their significant other in such a way under any circumstances. Not only that but he had also called them a hindrance when they had only been trying to help him. Pathetic.

He ended up seeking them out, arriving at their small house in Mondstadt. He had approached their door as they were exiting their home. They visibly bristled.

As the days passed they wallowed less, sadness and dejection becoming anger. How DARE he have the AUDACITY to talk to them like that? To treat them as though they were holding him back?

“Get out of my sight! I don't fucking want you here!”

He didn't even flinch out their outburst. He deserved it, "I have... come to apologise for my actions. I-"

"Didn't mean it? Save your words. I don't wish to hear it." They pushed past him. "I'm going for a walk. Don't follow me."

He watched as they exited the gates, steam practically pouring from their ears. As much as he wished to apologise, craved to say that he was sorry, he was sure that they wouldn't have it. But, he sat on the stairs to their house regardless and waited for their return. Whether they would accept it or not he was still going to try to make amends.

He didn't know how long he sat there waiting but they still had yet to return. The worry had long set in, hitting its peak when there was a small commotion at the gate. They pushed past Swan, who was following after them in a panic.

They walked with a limp, blood seeping through the hand that clenched their shoulder tightly. A cut adorned their face from temple to jaw. It too was bleeding heavily.

Diluc approached them with haste, alerted by their state, "Why are you bleeding?! What the hell happened!?"

They pushed past him too as he reached out to them, "Don't.... touch me..."

Diluc glared at Swan as a way to tell him to go back to his post. He jumped but obliged nonetheless as Diluc began to follow after them. Grabbing their non-injured shoulder in his gloved hand, he tugged them gently to stop them from moving.

His tone was stern, "You do not have to speak with me nor do you have to accept my apology. But you will get those injuries tended to even if I have to drag you to the church myself."

They pulled themselves from his grip, out of breath and tired, "Why is it that you care? I'm but a hindrance remember. Even as we speak I am obstructing you."

"If those were my feelings I wouldn't be here. I don't expect forgiveness but I would still like to let you know that what I said doesn't define how I feel for you. That is of little importance right now. Your injuries need to be dealt with"

They said nothing, looking off to the side. Sluggishly they move towards their home again, quietly ushering for him to follow. "I have plenty of medical supplies of my own." They paused, "When my injuries heal, I expect an apology in full. And as for my trust... You'll have to work for it."

He was relieved. Their words suggested that there was a still a chance for him.

-

Tartaglia

It took him a while to calm down. After all, he did tend to brood on things until they festered. At first, he only got angrier. Angry that the cheater got away with it. Angry that they sided with the cheater. Angry that they helped the cheater.

He thought about it more though, and the more he rationalised the more he calmed down. They didn't really side with him, did they? They only helped him because he would have bled out had they not. As much as he wanted to beat the man's ass all over again, he let it slide. Killing him would be a waste anyway. Instead he would let the man's near death experience serve as a reminder.

When he was fully calm, he sought them out, their words echoing in the back of his head. 'Talk to me when you're fucking sane', they had said. Had his actions truly made them feel that way? Or was it in anger just as his words had been?

He checked Bubu Pharmacy first, seeing neither them nor the cheater. He assumed it was because the cheater was in the back getting treatment and that they had gone on their merry way. The search continued.

His hunt continued all across the harbour and he was unable to tell if they were going out of their way to avoid him or if he was looking in all the wrong places. Finally, he resorted to asking around, getting a couple tidbits of information from some Milileth.

He was told that they were seen exiting the harbour and that seemed extremely miffed. So retracing their steps, he left the harbour as well, following along the path that led toward Guili Plains.

He continued to follow the path until Wangshu Inn appeared in the distance and quietly pondered why they came out this far. Something seemed off though. Halting his movements, he scanned the area, sapphire eyes landing on a familiar silhouette sitting at the base of an apple tree.

He was unaware of how long they'd been sitting there when he approached, but there they were an apple in hand. They finished mid chewing and spoke after they swallowed the fruit in their mouth.

"Get out of my sight. I don't fucking want you here." Despite their icy tone, he knew that they weren't angry anymore. They did, however, want to be left alone though he did not oblige.

His eyes travelled to the blood that coloured the grass beneath them. There was a teasing edge to his voice as he tried to lighten the mood, "Why are you bleeding? What happened, hm? Get in a fight without me?"

Finding each other bloody was nothing new to either of them and playing it up was a game of sorts. An inside joke if you will. Most of the time he acted like a worried spouse for them and vice versa, but at this moment it was genuine worry. They scoffed.

"Yes, but unlike you, I don't try to kill men on the street."

He held up his hands in defeat before sitting down across from them, "Not gonna let me live it down, are you?"

They rolled their eyes, leaning their head against the tree trunk, "It happened a few hours ago. But you get a free pass because I don't have the energy to debate right now."

He moved to check their injury and they slapped his hands away with a quiet 'Don't touch me'. Yet he continued to eye it warily, staring at their face as if to ask permission. His gaze was gentle, genuine worry spread across his face. They caved after several minutes, looking away.

Pulling their shirt up to reveal the injury on their hip, it appeared as though they tried to cauterize it. With a sigh, he stood and held his hand out to help then up. After a moment of hesitation, they accepted his hand and immediately after they stood he crouched in front of them and signalled for them to get on his back. They obliged and he carried them back to the city.

"Don't think that this means I forgive you for what you said to me."

For once he didn't feel like teasing, knowing that it wouldn't help mend the situation, "I know. I do wish to apologise though. My words were... unnecessary. I took my anger out on you."

"Damn right." They patted his head, "Though if you're a good boy I might forgive you faster."

He sighed, fully aware that they were going to use him as an errand boy for the next few days.

-

Kaeya

He continued after their encounter as though nothing had happened at all. The silence that filled his office after they left was deafening but he took the time to finish his work. All of the paperwork that had piled up and all the tedious remedial tasks had been finished, the rest of his duties taken care of as well.

Days passed before he finally decided to confront them, and over that period his the guilt over his cruelty toward them festered. He was fully aware that they were trying to help, trying to make his workload lighter, yet he still snapped at them.

If he hadn't taken out his frustration on them then the two would be together right now. If he had just let them help will all of it then we would have gotten done much faster and gotten to relax much sooner. The stack they did do, however, was the biggest one from the piles which did shorten the time he was working. If only he hadn't scared them away.

He began his search for them at their home, finding it empty. Thinking for a moment, he began to check the usual places they went when they were upset. As he headed to Windrise it turned out that he didn't have to look far, for they were limping over the bridge that led into the city.

They were bleeding heavily from their chest, hand clutching the wound with unspoken panic. He rushed toward them, reaching out to support their body weight.

His voice was demanding, "Why are you bleeding?! What the hell happened?"

"It was just an Abyss Mage. Get out of my sight! I don't fucking want you here."

He knew he deserved their scalding words but that didn't stop him from trying. He held his tongue to stop a smart ass comment. Usually, he wouldn't hold back but he knew this wasn't the time.

"You may not want me here, but if you don't get some help you'll bleed out before you can make it to the cathedral." He spoke calmly despite his internal conflict, and they knew that he had a point.

Begrudgingly they leaned against him as he escorted them through town. Moving hurt as it aggravated their injury but it was necessary. As soon as they got inside the cathedral he called for Barbara who appeared around the corner. Her face contorted in horror as she escorted them to the infirmary.

Kaeya sat amongst the pews and waited, having an internal debate with himself. Would they forgive him? Would they even hear him out?

Hours passed before Barbara remerged with news of their condition. He could see them but they could not leave for a while. With caution, he entered, knocking on the door frame to get their attention.

They turned their head in his direction but scowled when they realised that it was him. "Do you need something?"

He hummed, "No but you do." Sitting on the edge of the bed, he took their hands in his, "I wanted to apologise. Both for what I said to you and for taking your kindness for granted."

They stared him down but say nothing but sincerity in his eyes, "I'm listening."

He was slightly caught off guard by their response, nevertheless though it made him happy. They fact that they were willing to listen showed that there was a possibility for forgiveness.

[laurensprentiss]

Jouska [Hotch x Reader]

Chapter 19:

A/N: Here it is besties, v sorry for this but I live to cause chaos!! They both have some growing and living to do over the next chapters which will span around ten years. Stick around it’s gonna be interesting! Also Hotch looks rlly good here hehe

Warnings: None, really. Swearing, mentions of pregnancy, heavy angst.

———

“I'm scared I'm going to spend the rest of my life in a state of yearning, regardless of where I am.” - Melina Marchetta

———

08:00

It happens slowly then all at once. He knows he feels lighter, physically, before he’s fully conscious - can’t feel the warm weight of you on top of him. He frowns as he slowly awakens fully, feeling for your body next to him.

When all he feels are sheets, he comes to, a little quicker, opening one eye to look around. When he doesn’t see you, he figures you left to go to the bathroom but a piece of paper on your pillow catches his eye.

He frowns as he sits up, rubbing the sleep from his eyes when the doorbell begins to ring incessantly. He looks between the door, the paper and then the door again, tucking the note underneath his pillow to come back to later. He takes a cursory look at the clock -

08:00

He runs downstairs with a grin, thinking maybe you went out to grab coffee and forgot you didn’t have a key, but when he opens the door, icy shock runs through his veins.

“Hi, Aaron.”

“Haley?” He replies stunned. He glances behind him, increasingly alarmed now as to your whereabouts.

She averts her gaze from Hotch’s half naked form, it’s nothing she hasn't seen before but there’s a barrier between them now. Even with what she’s about to tell him.

“Can we talk?”

“-This…. isn’t really a good time.” He replies, glancing behind him again. He uses his body to block what lies behind him, clothing littering the floor as evidence of last night. His cheeks run hot when he realises Haley already spotted it all.

“We need to talk. I wouldn’t have shown up like this, but she told me to come by at 8. Said I should talk to you.”

He frowns. “Who?” He asks, despite hazarding a very good guess he already knows the answer.

“Look, can I just come in? I'm really cold and this is incredibly awkward.”

He sighs, “Yeah- yeah come in.” He steps aside to let her in, picks his shirt up off the floor and begins to button it as he invites her to sit.

Haley tells him that she managed to track you down outside your apartment yesterday. His jaw ticks and he runs his thumb over his bottom lip, agitated. “Why would you do that?”

“I figured I owed her an apology. Ultimately I was the one who put her in danger with-” She licks her lips. “With him. I thought we should talk.”

“So you resorted to stalking?” He paces. He can’t figure out why you’d ask her to come by now, especially if you were going to spend the night last night.

“I know, I’m sorry.” She looks sick. “I kind of knew that you felt something for her, and I figured she probably did too. Clearly I was right.”

“I’m not doing this with you.”

She throws her hands up. “No! No, that's not what I meant. I need to tell you something but before I did, I needed to tell her, I owed her some courtesy after everything at least.”

He tilts his head and his eyes narrow. “Get to the point.”

She pulls out an envelope and slides it across the coffee table. She breathes shakily, nodding at it. “It’s all in there.”

He watches her quizzically, confused at her demeanour - she’s never been one to be at a loss for words. He takes a seat opposite, studying her as he peels open the envelope.

A sliver of cold panic works its way through his veins as he scans the page.

LABCORP DNA TESTING SERVICES

Sample 1 - BROOKS/HOTCHNER : Positive Match

Sample 2 - BROOKS/HOTCHNER : Positive Match

“What the hell is this?” He asks, his voice barely above a whisper.

She swallows thickly, abetting her gaze. “It’s a paternity test. I’m pregnant.” She tells him quietly.

His chest tightens and his head starts swimming. “What? I don’t believe you.”

“It’s right there on the paper. It’s yours.” She looks like she’s holding back vomit, the colour on her face drained. She studies Aaron for any kind of a reaction but he still looks confused.

“I want another one.” He tells her waving the paper. “How far along are you?”

“3 and a half months.”

“Wait,” He winces as the cold realisation hits him. “You told her?”

She nods.

The colour drains from his face and he shoots up from his seat, remembering everything he’d told you yesterday about how he would do things differently if he ever became a father. Knowing now what you knew then, he can’t begin to fathom what must have been going through your mind yesterday.

He shoots up the stairs three at a time, hoping he’s not too late.

———

06:00

Your eyes burn with the lack of sleep and the aftermath of your breakdown. You lay still against Aaron’s chest, your hand splayed flat against his skin. You’ve been watching him sleep for most of the night, memorising all you can about him, and imagining an alternate future where you could’ve ended up together.

But it doesn’t help. All it goes is drive a stake deeper into your heart because no matter how much you imagine, it doesn’t change your future. The sun begins to rise sure enough, a promise of another day but the lighter it gets, the more your stomach turns and the tighter your chest gets.

You pull Aaron in closer one more time, fusing your body to his and you close your eyes. His hands run down your bag gently as he stirs in his sleep. You take a minute to take him in one last time, despite your aching heart you try to hold onto the happiness you’d felt before it all came crashing down.

You doubt you’ll feel for anyone the way you feel for him. But you can’t be selfish, not now. You whisper to him, barely audible, the words you need to get off your chest and with a gentle kiss to his sleeping face, you slink out of his arms.

You gather your clothes, and from the credenza drawer downstairs, grab a pen and paper.

‘Dearest Aaron…’

Tears stain your face as you initial the bottom of the letter and with a final breath, you fold it and scrawl his initials on top. You reluctantly walk back upstairs and when you see Aaron’s peaceful face in a deep sleep, it takes everything in you to walk away. You place the note on your pillow, and turn away before you change your mind.

But as you approach the door, you turn to take one last look at him, willing your memory to hold on to this image, to the feel of him. To what it feels like to be loved by him.

“Goodbye Aaron.” You whisper.

———

08:30hrs:

He struggles to get his pants on, throwing on odd socks and grabbing the note on the pillow which he stuffs haphazardly into his three day old jacket. He runs down the stairs three at a time, passing Haley on the way as he grabs his keys.

She looks at him with panic and confusion. “Go back to the hotel, I’ll call you!” He tells her. She looks around, stunned as the door slams shut behind him.

He fumbles with his phone, dialling your number, but it goes straight to voicemail. He tries Emily but it goes to voicemail too. He dials the direct line to your assistant and on the last ring, she picks up.

“Agent Hotchner?”

“Leah?”

“Yeah? Is everything okay?”

He desperately asks if she has any idea of where you are today, if you have anything on your docket.

“Not that I can see, no. Is everything okay?”

“Look, can you find out if she’s home and call me?” He hangs up and purposely turns on the sirens to weave through traffic to your place. In a cruel twist of fate, he curses the numerous traffic logs he encounters on his way, thinking he’ll deal with the fallout of using his lights without reason later.

He finally turns onto your street, tires screeching as he pulls up behind a blacked out towncar, into which an older gentleman appears to be hauling suitcases. He doesn’t bother closing the door as he exits his SUV, his eyes trailing on the suitcases being piled into the trunk of the towncar when he hears your voice.

He stops in his tracks.

“Alright, James. I think that’s the last of the b-”

The air leaves your lungs when you catch sight of him. There’s a brief moment when you think you think you’re imagining him but your chest squeezes when you look at his face, halfway between confused, devastated and just plain betrayed.

He utters your name with a shaky whisper. “What is this? What’s going on?” He asks unsteady, already knowing the answer.

You hand your bags to James who ducks between you to receive them, the tension thick and heavy. “I’m sorry, I planned on…” You struggle for the words. “Being done earlier than this. This is what I wanted to avoid.”

He retreats, eyebrows shooting up. “This, what? You wanted to avoid saying goodbye to me? You couldn’t even extend me the grace of telling me you were leaving?” He pulls out your note from his pocket, shaking it in front of you. “You left this and thought it would be enough? After everything that happened with us.”

“Come on, Aaron. You know that’s not what I meant. But you know why I’m leaving, it’s why you’re here. And I knew you would do this, I knew you’d try and talk me out of going. That’s why I didn’t tell you.” You swallow the lump in your throat.

The desperation inside him starts to claw at him. “You don’t have to leave. We’re adults, we can figure this out.” He takes both of your hands tightly in his.

You shake your head. “I won’t put you in that position, I know how important this is to you. I won’t put myself in that position either.” He opens his mouth to oppose you but he knows as well as you do that this is the end. “I can’t believe I’m going to say this but this was easier when I had a stalker, all I had to worry about was making it through the day without being murdered. But things are real now, you have a career and a family to worry about, I have to go to college. I guess we just didn’t think this through.”

He retreats slightly, a hurt expression on his face. “That doesn’t mean it was wrong.” He says, quietly. “I told you I’d wanted to be with you for a long time, and I meant it. I don’t regret any of it.”

You cup his cheek. “Neither do I. But we both know what needs to happen. I can’t stay.”

He caresses your hand on his cheek with bereft eyes. “You changed me, you know?”

You laugh dryly. “With your gig at the BAU? Forget it, you’ll be saving people left and right.”

“You know that’s not what I meant.” His voice cracks. “I’m just sorry we couldn’t have more time. I think this could have been something.”

“Did you read the note?” He shakes his head. “Wait until I’m gone to read it - you don’t have to. But if you ever find yourself doubting or second-guessing who you were to me - who you are to me? You should read that. It has everything you’ll need to know.”

He brings his forehead to yours, glassy eyes watching you with so much affection you think you might just break. “Can we stay here? Just for a minute? I’m not ready to let you go yet.” He asks.

You nod and loop your arms around his neck, tiptoeing to reach his height. He hugs you back with ferocity, face burying in the crook of your neck as he takes you in, memorises the way you body slots against his, how you smell and feel. He presses his eyes shut, willing his brain to commit every last feeling to memory, terrified that there may come a day when he no longer remembers how he loves you.

You muffle your sobs as best as you can, clutching at the material of his shirt, and the small tufts of hair at the nape of his neck. Try as you might, when you close your eyes, all you can see is a reel of your relationship with Aaron, spanning from the moment you met to now.

All of it comes rushing back: the gazebo, your apartment, numerous late night coffees and dinners, his face in the cabin, the hospital and of course, the nights and days you spent in bed. The pond, the balcony, the laughter. The love. You feel a hole consuming your chest and you struggle to breathe, cursing yourself for falling in love with the one man you couldn’t possibly ever have.

James beeps from inside the towncar, and you reluctantly loosen your grip on Aaron, sniffling as you let him go. It feels infinitely harder to detangle yourself from him now, like tearing a bandage off of a raw wound, but you know you need to go.

And so does he.

His eyes are watery when you look at him, yours mirroring his heartbreak. “I guess this is it.” He rasps.

You clear your throat. “Yeah. I guess so.”

“Can I kiss you goodbye?”

You nod solemnly. His hands cup your cheeks lovingly, wiping away a stray tear. He leans in, and presses his lips to yours for the last time. He takes his time, allowing himself to linger in the moment, and convey everything he can in this kiss without having to say it. Wants to remember how soft your lips are and the way you taste.

Your tears fall steadily now, your own hands tangling in his hair. You selfishly wish you could stay here, throw away any and all integrity just to keep him for yourself. But you both have things to do, futures to live.

You break the kiss, forehead resting against his. His hand cradles the back of your head, and he presses a tender kiss to your forehead, lips lingering before he finally lets go.

You fish in your pocket and take his hand in yours, dropping your key into his palm. He looks at you quizzically. “Keep it, give it to the super, I don’t mind. But lock up for me?” You ask him.

He nods, closing his hand around yours, a desperate attempt to keep you close for a few more fleeting moments. He presses a desperate kiss laced with finality on your lips as you release yourself from his embrace.

Watching you reach for the car door sends him into a tailspin. You’re just about in the car when you hear him call your name. His voice is strained. “Listen, I just- before you go. There’s something I need to tell you.” His face is contorted with desperation and his voice laced with something utterly heartbroken.

You know where he’s going with this. You weren’t sure if he felt it until now, horrible fucking timing, but it’s still something.

“Don’t. I know what you’re going to say, Aaron. Please don’t.” You sob. “This is already one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do, please don’t make it harder. I know what you’re going to say. But before you do… just please don’t?” You plead.

He swallows thickly, choking back tears, too. “I do, though.”

You breathe through the hole in your chest. “I know, Aaron. I do, too.” Your smile is bitter as you open the car door and step inside gingerly, keeping your eyes on the sidewalk where he stands. He walks over to you, tangles your fingers with his briefly before cradling your chin, wiping another stray tear.

“Maybe in another life?” He whispers.

“Maybe in another life.” You tell him with a sad smile.

“Goodbye, sweetheart.”

I love you.

“Goodbye, Aaron.”

I love you.

He watches the car peel away longingly, muttering aloud the words that he’d whispered two nights ago when he thought you were asleep.

“I love you.”

———

09:15

Your car pulls up to the airstrip forty-five minutes later and you can hear the deafening engine of the plane before you even step out of the car. You place a $50 in the hand of the man who opens your door for you, throwing a quick thank you his way as you obscure your puffy eyes with a pair of sunglasses.

You offer the men loading your luggage a small smile and hand them their tips, before boarding the plane. You spot Emily on the far left side of the plane, her face buried in a copy of Mother Night.

When she sees you, she shoots up from her seat, throwing her book onto the table in front of her. “Oh my God! You came! Hi!” Her good arm wraps around your neck for a hug and you stiffen against her. “What made you change your mind?” She asks.

You close your mouth just as soon as you open it when the curtain dividers open.

“Darling!” Ambassador Prentiss emerges from her office, behind a divider on the plane. She has a phone receiver against her chest, you assume to muffle her voice to whoever is on the other end. “Emmy and I are so glad you decided to join us, we’ll be taking off in around 15 minutes.” She tells you, glancing at her watch.

You shoot her a polite smile and thank her, and she looks between you and Emily, excusing herself back to her office.

“I’ll let you girls catch up.”

Emily leads you to the seat opposite her, her face now showing signs of concern. She watches your face for an answer but when nothing comes, she asks outright.

“What happened? I thought you were going to stick around and see what happens? You had a date right? Her words scratch your skin.

“Date’s off.” You swallow.

Her eyes widen. “What? Why?!”

“His ex is pregnant and it’s his.” You reply nonchalantly, rapidly blinking back tears behind your sunglasses.

Her mouth drops open. “Holy shit! Are you okay?”

“I’ll be fine.” You reply, gazing out of the window.

Emily watches you in shock, unsure of what to say. She can tell by your demeanour that you’re in shock but she can’t do anything except hold your hand and tell you she’s sorry with a quiet voice.

“Yeah.” You sigh.

———

09:00

When he keys open your apartment door, he’s hit with an eerie silence, a heart wrenching emptiness. He attempts to turn a lamp on but the electricity has been turned off, leaving the living room cold and dark.

His mind fills in the spaces between the emptiness, picturing you sitting on your couch, or on the bar stools around your island. Can hear the incessantly loud TV, and your laughter from your room.

Your room is just as empty too, a few stray clothes hangers remain in the wardrobes and when he turns to look out at your balcony, he swears he sees your shadow outside. He makes sure the doors and windows are secure and makes his way back to your living room, the entire experience harrowing, like walking through a graveyard of memories.

His legs give out as he walks back to the living room, sinking onto the couch. A picture of you catches his eye on the side table next to him, the same one he’d caressed gently when you’d been taken by Jordan. He’d thought then, that was the worst moment of his life, had he known what was to come, he’d have reserved his judgement.

He swallows the lump in his throat as he gently brushes a finger over the glass, unable to keep the tears from coming now. He wishes with everything you could have stayed, can feel it deep within him that you’ll keep a part of his heart for years to come. Then he remembers the note.

He opens the folded paper with trembling hands.

‘Dearest Aaron,

I sit in your living room right now, struggling for the words to write but I can’t seem to come up with anything that truly encapsulates how I feel. How I’m incredibly sorry to have to leave like this, how I wish with everything in me that I didn’t have to, I wish this could have ended differently.

I want to say thank you. You may not know or understand this, but for all the good and bad, you truly changed my life. I met you during the darkest and scariest part of my life, when I had nobody - when I was all alone. And in you came like a light and protected me fiercely, taught me everything I needed to save my life. You did that.

You saved me.

You changed me.

Despite the circumstances, we did have something, a friendship, maybe the start of something more - something real. Don’t ever doubt that. The last two days were two of the best of my life, a fitting reward, I thought, after everything I’d been through. But I couldn’t let you talk me into staying, because I know you, and you would have tried, told me that we could’ve worked something out - and it would’ve been selfish of me to stay.

I want you to know that I am so incredibly happy for you. This wasn't an easy decision, but I’m leaving of my own choice. I have no doubt in my mind that you’ll be an amazing father. That child will be loved and oh so lucky to have you and your warmth as a father. I know how much this means to you, how important it is for you to give your child a better life than the one you and Sean had.

And you will.

Thank you for everything you did for me, thank you for saving me over and over again. Thank you for teaching me to be brave, and for coming into my life. My hope for you is that you’ll build a wonderful life with your beautiful little family and achieve everything you’ve ever wanted and more.

You’ll change the world one day.

Know that I will always have a special place for you in my heart.

I’ll never forget you.

All my love.’

He swallows the burning in his chest. Two days were all he had with you and he stupidly saw himself able to imagine a future with you, could imagine loving you for the rest of his life - but then he’d been in love with you long before you’d asked him to stay.

He winces as something digs into his chest and he reaches for his inside jacket pocket until something cold makes contact with his fingers.

His heart stops, molten lava running through his veins.

Your necklace.

He grips it until the sharp edges of the pendant feel like they’re about to puncture his skin.

Maybe he wasn’t destined for peace, for love. The love that he wanted. Maybe a happy ending wasn’t written for him and he’d have to make peace with that. At least he had the memory of your face burnt into his brain, the smell of your hair, the sound of your laughter.

That finite part of you would get him through eternity.

———

20:00

You’ve rejected every meal you’ve been offered by the staff aboard the plane, instead choosing to down Emily’s bottle of red wine. It eases the heaviness in your head, that’s true but the ache in your chest still remains.

Emily’s since drifted off to sleep, her book laying open against her stomach, meal half-eaten. You stare at the blinking lights of the plane and the clouds below you until everything starts to blur.

You love him. He loves you. That much is true. You never had believed in the concept of the right person but the wrong time, how could you? If the person was right, the timing would surely be inconsequential.

That was until you met Aaron.

In this life, in the grey harsh reality, after everything you had been through with him, the simple fact that two people love one another pales in comparison to the bloody reality of commitments, matters of the mind and sacrifice.

He loves you and you love him. It just isn’t enough.

He aches for you and you ache for him. But it’s still just out of reach.

Your hearts aren’t your own anymore. But you have to go on anyway.

———

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[terrietont]

Deltarune: Sleepover

A silly little Suselle (Susie x Noelle fanfic) with a side of Krerdly aka Krispy Chicken AKA (Kris x Berdly)

Toriel hummed to herself dusting her couch with a colourful duster brush. ‘Ding dong!’ the door bell rang alerting the fluffy goat monster. “Oh? Kris! It sounds like your friends are here!” She yelled out to the other room. “Coming mom” the tired voice of Kris Dreemurr echoed from a far bedroom. Toriel opened the door. Standing at the door was a familar purple figure. “Uh hey Ms Tor- I mean Toriel…” Susie greeted, awkwardly rubbing the back of her neck. Toriel giggled and smiled a friendly smile. “Hello there Susie, come on in. Kris is in their bedroom.”

Susie walked inside, hands in her pockets. The faint sound of footsteps on the carpet echoed closer. “What’s up Kris?” Susie greeted with a smirk. “So… slumber party huh? What a dumb idea” she laughed, nudging Kris who had little to no reaction apart from slightly rubbing their arm after the ordeal.

“Nah but seriously, your house is pretty cool, not gonna lie” She looked around nodding to herself. Kris motioned towards the kitchen table. Susie’s eyes widened hungrily.

On the kitchen bench were bowls of chips, candy, chocolate and a whole butterscotch cinnamon pie on a large tray.

“Damn. Now I’m hungry” she replied in awe.

There was suddenly an organized knock on the door. “Hellooooo?” A nasally male voice echoed behind the door. “Huh?” Susie walked towards the door. Opening the door it was revealed that a certain geeky bluebird revealed himself, wearing a T-shirt with a game logo and jean shorts. “Greetings allied ones!” Berdly greeted with a smile, adjusting his glasses. Susie looked deadpanned and then turned to Kris who simply smiled with an innocent shrug. (“Really…? You seriously invited bird brain?”) She whispered to them. Kris waved at Berdly with a kind smile. “So kind of you to invite me to your humble abode!” Berdly responded, making his way inside the house. “Well, it’s nice to see you too Berdly” Susie sighed with somewhat honesty. “Likewise my purple companion!” Susie could’ve sworn she saw him eyeing her with a flirtatious smirk.

“Yeah sure.” She snorted. Kris gestured for Berdly to follow them. “Kris has snacks if you want any.” Susie spoke for Kris’s gesture. Berdly smiled. Oh welI I could go for a bite or two!”

As they walked into the kitchen, all three teenagers eyes lit up in awe.

“Great blazers!” Berdly gasped eyeing the large steaming pie.

“Hello there!” Toriel walked into the room noticing the newcomer. “You must be Berdly, Kris has told me all about you!” she smiled warmly. Kris rubbed their arm, looking away quietly. Berdly looked away bashfully, unsure of how to fully embrace the welcome. “Y-yes! I am a good friend of Kris!” Toriel nodded and smiled widely. “Yes they have told me you have become friends at school. Well, help yourselves to whatever snacks you want, but remember to save room for dinner” she winked before disappearing into the hallway.

“Will do miss Toriel!” Berdly replied back politely.

“Geez when did you get all flustered about meeting new people?” Susie chuckled lightly at Berdly’s unseen politeness.

“Well… it’s a rare opportunity to be invited to such friendly gatherings for someone like me” Berdly turned away, slightly embarrassed. “Come on Buddy, I’m just kidding with ya!” Susie immediately ruffled the bluebird’s feathers, surprising him. “H-hey! Don’t mess with that! I just brushed them earlier!”

Kris chuckled behind their hands watching the exchange. Suddenly there was a rather gentle knock at the door.

“Oh sounds like another friend!” Toriel appeared from the hallway and strolled gracefully towards the front door.

“I’ll get that for you miss Toriel!” Berdly said quickly, rushing to the door.

“Um… am I late? Sorry!” A soft feminine voice came from the outside door.

Kris and Berdly smiled. “Noelle, my friend!” Berdly greeted kindly. Noelle stood at the door with a soft smile. She wore her usual attire, but her hair was done up a bit more.

“N-Noelle…” Susie‘s eyes bulged out, looking at her. Noelle’s lit up like the morning sun. “Susie! Hey!”

“Hey…” Susie replied rubbing the back of her neck awkwardly. The two stared at eachother for a while. Berdly looked at Kris with confusion. “(Are they speaking through a secret mind language?)” He asked. Kris simply smiled and shrugged.

“Hello there Noelle, long time no see?” Toriel walked up and greeted the young deer-monster. “Hello ma’am, it’s nice to see you again!” she smiled waving to Toriel.

“Well, now that you’re all here, shall we have some pie?” Toriel asked clapping her hands together, smiling. All of them smiled. “That sounds good!” Noelle commented.

Each of them had a slice of the warm soft pie. Each smiling and humming in satisfaction.

“Damn Kris… your mom really knows how to bake…” Susie nudged Kris, smiling with her mouth covered in pie residue.

“Ahh the ambrosia of freshly baked pie” Berdly commented, making a ‘chef’s kiss’ gesture. Noelle hummed in satisfaction.

Toriel giggled behind her paw. “Hehe well I am glad you all enjoyed it!”

“I would’ve saved it for dessert, but it would not have been hot for much longer”

“It was delicious ma’am” Noelle replied with a sweet smile.

“Why thank you Noelle! Now why don’t you all go sit down in the living room and watch a movie?”

“Sounds good” Susie commented. All four of them made their way to the living room. Berdly grabbed the popcorn bowl before following behind.

The four ended up sharing the couch, eating popcorn and watching monster movies together. As time started to tick away, Toriel set up the three extra beds and couch in the living room. Berdly, Kris and Noelle on the floor and Susie on the couch.

“These mattresses are surprisingly comfortable” Berdly commented, tucking himself in with his black pajama t-shirt and red shorts.

“Yeah… I wonder how comfortable the couch is though, right Susie?” Noelle asked wearing her matching blue pajamas, lifting her head up only to see Susie snoring away in her purple singlet top and long pants, her head resting on a large pillow hanging off the couch. Noelle sighed dreamily, staring at the toothy monster.

Kris had already began facing the other way, they were wearing the same shirt they had worn the entire day, only with different black pants, though no one would really figure that out unless they looked closer.

Noelle turned to see Berdly grasping onto some kind of gaming device, tongue out in concentration. “Sorry Noelle, it’s too bright isn’t it?” He asked quietly. “Nah, it’s fine Berdly… but are you sure you’re gonna be able to play in the dark like that?”

Berdly grinned proudly adjusting his glasses once more. “Haha you know I’ll be up all night beating this boss on hard mode!”

Not even a few minutes later and Berdly was out cold. His wing resting on his now battery-dead device.

Noelle chuckled. She started to feel heavy herself and faced Susie’s way as her eyes began to close.

“A-and that’s why monster history is important” the faint voice of Alphys echoed through her brain. Noelle lifted her head up, only to notice she was in the middle of the classroom! “Huh? W-what happened?…” she said looking around.

Alphys, looked surprised. “Oh Noelle? Are you okay? Y-You seem unwell… you fell asleep during the l-lesson and you’ve got dark r-rings around your eyes.”

Noelle looked down, embarrassed. “Oh… s-sorry miss Alphys.”

“W-would you like to go to the nurse? Y-you don’t h-have to stay at school if y-you’re unwell.” She replied understandingly. Noelle shook her head, feeling queasy. “N-no I-I’m okay.”

She turned to the desk beside her noticing no one sitting there. “Hey… wait… where’s Berdly?”

Alphys frowned, as did the other students around the classroom. Some even chattering to eachother. “She doesn’t know…” one of them whispered to the other.

“N-Noelle… may I talk to you in private f-for a moment?…” Alphys asked with a soft tone.

Noelle could feel the air around her stagnate. A deep feeling of dread lay in her guts.

“Of course…” Alphys and Noelle made their way out of the classroom and into the hallway.

Alphys sighed deeply and turned to Noelle with a saddened expression. “Y-your f-friend Berdly… he’s…” Noelle stood still, the feeling of dread becoming worse.

“W-well… I’m-I’m really sorry… he was found in the library and… I’m not sure you knew but… he’s currently in the hospital.” Alphys fidgeted with her claws, looking away from Noelle’s broken expression.

It had felt like an avalanche had erupted inside her chest. Her face going white, hands suddenly shaking. A vision of ice and snow shadowed the back of her mind.

“I-I…” she could feel her eyes start to water. Alphys held her hands in comfort. “N-Noelle… if you need t-to go and v-visit the h-hospital, I g-give you p-permission, okay? My job I-is to make s-sure my st-students are okay.”

Noelle could feel the drastic temperature difference between her and Alphy’s hands. Alphys’s were scaly and warm, Noelle’s we’re almost ice cold despite being soft and furry.

“T-th-thank you miss Alphys.” Noelle nodded, holding her tears back.

She could’ve sworn she saw the shadow of Kris behind her…

She rushed to the hospital, her hooves almost tripping her over.

What she had found horrified her.

It was Berdly laying in a hospital bed, except he was pale blue, holding a distressed expression and was hardly even breathing.

Shaking, Noelle touched his wing. Her pupils shrank in horror. His feathers were ice cold. His entire body was like it was submerged in icy water.

“N-no…” She choked out. “No…” holding her hands to her mouth, she trembled.

“He was found… library… body stone cold… must’ve been a while…” The voices of nearby nurses mumbled.

“That’s because it wasn’t a dream”

Kris’s darkened voice echoed through the room. Noelle found herself staring at Kris from the other side of the hospital bed.

“N-no… it-it can’t be!-“ Noelle began to lose her voice, her throat dry and sore.

“No! That wasn’t real it-“

Kris smirk sunk deep into Noelle’s eyes.

N-no! NO PLEASE NO NO NO NO NO!” She screamed, over and over and over again.

“NO!”

Noelle jolted awake, her face beading with sweat, her body trembling. She felt something wet on her cheeks and noticed the long streaks of tears that had flooded down her face.

“Hey… are you okay?!” A deep worried voice came, startling the deer-monster.

Susie sat up on the couch, staring down at Noelle with worried eyes.

“S-Susie…?” Noelle uttered, wiping away her tears. “You screamed pretty loudly just then.” Susie commented.

“Oh… I’m sorry I woke you up…” Noelle replied looking down sheepishly. “Nah. You didn’t wake me. I kinda snored myself awake and then uh didn’t feel tired after that…” Susie smiled awkwardly. The remark earned a light chuckle from Noelle. She turned to see Berdly still dead asleep and Kris too.

“Wow… they really are heavy sleepers huh?” She commented. Susie let out a quiet laugh. “Kris especially, Toriel told me that kid could sleep through anything.”

“Berdly stayed up for a while, so he’s probably exhausted.” Noelle added with a tired smile.

Susie chuckled back. The room stayed quiet for a while. Only the faint snores of Berdly and the ticking of a clock could be heard.

Noelle swallowed, nervous in the silent room.

“Susie?…” she asked soflty.

Susie yawned and looked her way. “Yeah…?”

Noelle fiddled with her fingers, looking down at them. “Do you ever have nightmares?…” she asked.

Susie shrugged “err... sometimes”

Susie saw how closed in Noelle’s position was.

She seemed afraid, almost vulnerable.

“But um my nightmares usually fade when I think about you guys y’know? My friends… I never really imagined myself having friends at all.” Susie muttered quietly, staring at the wall. Noelle turned to her with a soft smile. “You deserve friends” She responded sincerely.

Susie felt her heart flutter in her chest, and annoyingly her tail reacting with the sudden joy she felt. Noelle could hear a soft thumping behind Susie, but chose to ignore it.

“Heh… thanks Noelle.” Noelle blushed and smiled bashfully. “Y-you’re welcome Susie.”

Both of their hearts were beating like fireworks had gone off inside them, they sat in silence peering at the walls behind one another.

Finally Noelle spoke up.

“Was… all of that real?” The words flowed out of her mouth slowly and soflty, like she had been holding them back. Susie sat up straight. “Huh?…”

Noelle turned to Susie, expectantly. “Was the Feris wheel… real?” She asked again. Susie froze. She felt a deep feeling of guilt in her gut after lying about Noelle dreaming. She decided to come clean.

“Y-yeah… I know I told you it was a dream but…” Noelle’s eyes widened. “I knew it.” She whispered.

“It felt so real… “

Susie sighed and looked down, feeling embarrassed about lying, but also inwardly panicking about what she had just admit. “I’m sorry for lying to you about that. It’s just… the dark world is dangerous and it messes ya brain ya know?” She explained as cooly as she could. Noelle simply smiled with a sigh of relief.

“It was real…” It seemed like she was lost in thought. Truthfully, Noelle didn’t seem to care about the other parts of the dark world, she could only really think about her time with Susie on the Ferris wheel.

Gaining a spark of confidence, she propped herself on the couch next to Susie. Susie didn’t seem to react negatively, in fact she almost seemed surprised.

“It is comfortable up here.” Noelle commented, patting down the couch, to cover her own nerves being so close to Susie again.

Noelle yawned and stretched out her hands, almost touching Susie’s shoulder.

Susie seemed excited for a moment, hiding a small smile behind her darkened face and pale yellow eyes.

A cold shiver ran down Noelle’s spine as she instinctively rubbed her arms. Susie under her blanket smiled wider. “You should get under the blanket. You seem cold.” She ushed.

Noelle felt her face heat up, a slight warmth enveloping her chest and felt her body move closer to Susie, as if it were an instinct.

“W-what about you? Isn’t it too small to share?” She asked rubbing her hands together nervously. Susie let out a small laugh. “I’m cold blooded already” she said with non-threatening bared teeth.

Noelle managed to get right up close to Susie’s arm and chest but not close enough to lean against, she could feel her body warmth. Immediately her heart began to race again, her face growing even redder.

Susie lazily threw half the blanket on Noelle who tried her hardest not the snuggle up into the purple beasts arms. ‘I’m almost leaning on her I’m almost leaning on her I’m almost lea-‘ Noelle’s brain panicked on, she felt light headed.

Susie herself could feel her emotions bubbling up against the surface. Trying hard not to let herself show any emotion towards anyone, yet feeling that resistance slip as if it were showing weakness. She was succeeding to close herself off… for the most part, but with Noelle so close… she could barely contain it anymore.

Noelle’s eyes started to droop and her head began to dip foward. Susie saw this and said nothing. She didn’t know whether to motion Noelle to lay down or get back on her bed.

Susie suddenly felt something thud on her lap. The sort of hard and pointed feeling in her arm as she realized Noelle’s antlers were poking her. The deer-monster’s head was laying directly in her lap, blanket draped around her.

Noelle let out a couple of soft snores, completely content. Susie resisted the urge to stroke her soft blonde hair. She noticed how comfortable Noelle seemed so she decided to let her sleep there. It was nice having somebody next to her anyway. Susie felt happy.

She started to drift off herself, laying down with Noelle resting on her.

Noelle’s eyes were groggy for a moment as she adjusted her vision to the room, it was still rather dark, but the light of the window told her it was just early in the morning. She felt something moving underneath her. Tiredly, she glanced around and felt the cold hard scales against her hands. She smiled, eyes drooped from sheer exhaustion.

Then… she nearly had a cardiac arrest as she gasped and jumped up from the couch, hands against her mouth, face beet red once again. “Oh my god…” she whispered at the laying monster, snoring under a quarter of a thin brown blanket. ‘I FELL ASLEEP ON SUSIE?!’ Her brain practically screamed at her. Panicked and flustered, she hurriedly got back onto her matress, her face turned away from Susie and instead staring directly at Berdly’s half open beak, his eyes shut tightly and his foot occasionally twitching.

She kicked off the blanket noticing how warm the room had gotten since she fell asleep on Susie. Her insides felt warm and fuzzy, a scary yet joyful feeling. She suddenly regret getting off of Susie’s shoulder.

This crush was eating her up inside. Like a parasite that crawled beneath her skin, Noelle felt itchy all around with the thought of wanting to be with Susie. They had been going out together as friends of course, but that wasn’t satisfying enough for Noelle. She wanted something more. She couldn’t stop freaking out at the thought of actually asking Susie out one day. She was terrified of Susie’s reaction and was even more convinced she’d throw up before the words even got out of her mouth; making the situation a hundred times more awkward.

All her anxieties pounding inside her like bouncy balls, the over thinking of messing up a few simple words! Surely this would ruin everything she had planned inside her brain.

The thoughts of them actually being together overwhelmed her, oh the things she could imagine if they were to start dating.

She was so determined to at least give Susie chocolates before they went out to the movies. But oh god… obviously she’d have to pick a movie they both liked right? She’d have to have the money and the popcorn and oh gosh everything was starting to make her feel dizzy. ‘It was only 5 in the morning! For god sakes get it together, Holiday!’ She ranted to herself.

She clutched her hands over her forehead, trying to stop her brain from going out of control! Hormones going absolutely ballistic and her heart pounding so hard it felt as if it was trying to break out of her chest!

She slammed herself back into the matress, back first and sighed deeply. Strangely she could hear small chirps and giggles next to her. Berdly must’ve been having a pleasant dream because he was smiling with his eyes closed. Upon further inspection, curiously it had seemed that Kris had turned to the other side, their mouth wide open as they draped their sleepy arm around Berdly. Noelle held in her squeal of awe and then

turned her head slowly to Susie who was dead asleep, facing the other side of the couch.

Susie’s snoring was monsterous, but Noelle found it charming. She wanted to hear that snore every ni-‘STOP IT ALREADY! Ugh!’ She groaned at herself again. ‘Oh look at you, blushing agaaaain…’

She forced her eyes shut and was determined to fall back to sleep, at least maybe she’ll stop gawking over Susie.

But oh was she so wrong… her dreams told her otherwise.

[lucemferto]

I wrote that Wilbur scene I talked about yesterday. I don't know if I captured any of the characters' voices, but I tried. It's around 1,800 words.

Sorry to spoil the surprise, but this scene has a twist!

„I’m not joining you.“

Wilbur’s eyes grew narrow. His cold gaze lingered on Tommy’s face. The boy’s expression was resolute; unwavering.

But there was this slight twitch in the left corner of his mouth. Just the faintest quiver in his lips. A weakness to be exploited.

“This burger van …” Tommy hesitated “… it’s just history repeating itself. It will end with us hurting people again …”

“’With us hurting people’?” Wilbur raised an eyebrow.

As he stepped closer, all the determination that Tommy had projected seemed to vanish in the blink of an eye. Wilbur gave him a wide smile – a thinly-veiled threat behind the appearance of affability.

“Tommy, we never hurt anyone! L’Manburg was a grand old time, Tommy, don’t you remember? Me as president; you as—”

“Maybe it wasn’t, Wilbur.”

Wilbur’s smile faltered. A glower displaced his once outwardly cheery disposition.

“You’re not making sense.”

“I’m not making sense?!” Tommy raised his voice, a blustering anger flaring up and painting over the insecurities that had been so apparent just moments before. “The presidency killed you, Wilbur! And it almost killed Tubbo! I can’t let that—”

“Tubbo?!” A hoarse laugh escaped Wilbur’s throat; more like the angry bellowing of a rabid dog. “Why the fuck should we care about Tubbo?! He betrayed us, Tommy!”

“T-That’s not true!”

Wilbur stepped closer; Tommy took a step back – but the walls of the van were already pressed up against his back. The older man was towering over him, casting him in shadow. A wild and manic energy was glinting in his eyes, bloodshot and red like sundown soon giving way to a dark night.

“He fucking teamed with the enemy, Tommy! What else would you call that?!”

“He still cares—”

Wilbur’s hand shot forward. Like the maw of an angry serpent, it closed itself around Tommy’s throat. All colour drained from the boy’s face – his complexion like that of a corpse.

“Don’t you fucking get it, Tommy?!” Little droplets of spittle rained on Tommy’s skin as Wilbur’s face inched ever closer to his. “Tubbo doesn’t care; he never cared! You were just a fucking tool to him, Tommy! Someone he could use and throw away once you were no longer useful!”

Wilbur’s dirty fingernails burrowed themselves into Tommy’s neck – soon trails of red were trickling down into the boy’s shirt.

“I’m the only who cares, Tommy! I’m the only one who ever cared about you!”

“Wilbur! Y-you’re hurting me!”

“Shut the fuck up, Tommy! I don’t ca—”

“STOP!”

The scene halted; as though time had frozen. A figure emerged from the darkness of the burger van.

It was Wilbur.

Though he and the Wilbur currently choking Tommy looked almost identical upon first glance, there were some striking differences: Gleaming red eyes contrasted against tired brown ones; demonic intensity against a dull exhaustion. The first Wilbur seemed almost unnaturally tall and imposing as he towered over Tommy; the second Wilbur carried himself smaller, more guarded.

“I d-don’t …” For a moment the voice of the second Wilbur seemed to falter; but soon he snapped back to a more confident bearing; all insecurity obscured behind a steadfast façade. “No more!”

A deafening silence fell upon the van. Then, slowly, as though unattached from his neck, Tommy’s head turned to Wilbur. Brilliant blue gave way to a searing crimson; fear to a wide, sharp-teethed grin.

“Whaaaat? You don’t enjoy the little play I put on just for you? And I thought you’d be impressed with all the cool ghost shit I can do now.”

With a sickening ratch, two horns ripped through Tommy’s temples. Shadow swallowed his blond locks, transforming them into dark, slicked back hair. Murky, unkempt facial hair sprout from his skin as his once lively complexion grew grey and translucent. Smokey tendrils enshrouded the red and white T-Shirt, before it emerged as a black business suit, the bloodred tie serving as the only blotch of colour.

The ghost of Schlatt had appeared before Wilbur.

“Guess it hit a little too close to home, huh?”

Wilbur’s eyes narrowed. While the illusionary Tommy had disappeared upon Glatt’s arrival, the facsimile of himself was still standing there. Frozen in eternal wrath.

Wilbur’s mouth grew thin. “I wouldn’t do that to Tommy. I would never hurt him.”

Feigned shock contorted Glatt’s mouth into a darkly comical expression. “That’s not what he told me.”

Wilbur felt something icy sting in his chest “What?”

Glatt nodded. “Yeah, it was the strangest thing. I was in my gym doing reps, snorting creatine, you know how it goes, when suddenly I hear some … some whining.”

Wilbur immediately took notice. He knew what Glatt was talking about. The lump in his throat felt like it would soon suffocate him.

Glatt didn’t seem to notice.

“The sound of some low-T beta just letting it all out. And when I go take a look, who else should I find but—"

“Tommy …”

“Don’t interrupt me. Anyway, when I turn the corner, I see this real pathetic mess just sitting on the floor, sobbing. I told him to shut the fuck up, because he was throwing me off my game. But he just wouldn’t stop, so good guy that I am – you remember how great I am with kids!”

“You never were.”

“Oh no, I was! That Tubbo-kid, he had it good in Manberg.”

Wilbur flinched – whether it was because of the bastardized name of the country he had once loved and loathed or because Glatt’s words woke some memories in him that he’d soon rather forget; he did not know.

“You had him executed.”

Glatt nodded, a wistful smile curling his ashen lips. “Good times, good times. Anyway, the little ghost-brat … he tells me his name is Gommy.”

Glatt let out a harsh, bellowing laugh. Wilbur could not share his amusement. He had almost forgotten how much he hated Schlatt’s sneering.

The ghost still had not managed to fully compose himself. “Gommy, that’s such a dumb name! Gommy … you wanna know what a good name is?”

“Is it—?”

“GLATT!”

The sound came out like a bile-filled belch. Wilbur closed his eyes in exasperation; his fingers massaging the bridge of his nose.

“I figured … Does this story have a point or are you just here to waste my time?”

Glatt frowned. “What, am I not good enough company for you?”

“Not even in the slightest.”

For the first time in their conversation, Glatt’s face grew more serious. His red stare tore into Wilbur; almost drilled into his mind. Wilbur answered the ghost’s stare with what he hoped was a cold, unreadable expression.

But he knew that in Schlatt’s presence, there were no masks to wear. No intent to hide. That ram was the only man that could strip him bare.

Finally, Wilbur had to break eye contact. With a sound of exasperation, he spat out: “Get to the point!”

“‘Get to the point’” The false Wilbur moved his lips, but it was Glatt’s mocking voice that emerged from behind them. “Man, I liked it more when you were a little ghost bitch. You used to come to my gym actually; did some reps. Annoying accent, but damn, what a cute ass.”

Wilbur’s jaw tensed. He had enough of this.

“I’m leaving.”

With a few long strides he had reached the exit of the van. The cold, fresh night air was beckoning him; away from the smell of cigarettes and alcohol.

Then that obnoxious voice called after him again: “Yeah, that’s probably for the best. Ghost-boy didn’t have the nicest things to say about you …”

Wilbur froze. His hand was on the door handle, ready to release him from this dark, stuffy room. It would be so easy to just leave; to rid himself of this headache. He did not need to stay.

“… You’re lying.”

A wide grin stretched Glatt’s thin lips – Wilbur couldn’t see it; but he could hear it in that tone of his.

“I’m the one who’s lying? No, no, no, I’m merely recounting what 'Gommy' told me.”

Wilbur turned around. Glatt’s smug smirk was even more unbearable than he had imagined.

“You know, after he was done bawling his eyes out and blubbering like a little bitch –“

Glatt’s face shifted into warped replica of Tommy’s – big shimmering eyes and a little doll like mouth quivering with exaggerated sorrow: “‘D-D-Dweam, D-Dweam, h-h-he’— Anyway, he told me that while my cabinet was having a grand old time over in Manberg, you were being very mean to him.”

Wilbur shook his head. “I-I’ve changed. I apologized!”

Tommy-Glatt let out another bellowing laugh. It cut through Wilbur like a knife through a paper door.

“You think an apology could make this better!”

Wilbur jumped back. The fake Wilbur began to move once more. With a thundering roar, his fist made contact with the fake Tommy’s temple. A loud thud; Tommy impacted with the floor of the van. But before he could get up, the fake Wilbur began kicking him in the stomach; screaming obscenities and curses.

It wasn’t Wilbur’s voice – it was so clearly Glatt’s poor imitation of his accent. With each kick, Glatt-Tommy’s eyes bulged out of his skull; not like a person, but like a grotesque cartoon. It was a farcical display.

But Wilbur – the real Wilbur – was paralyzed. His mind was clouded with memories and nightmares; fears bloated and distorted by thirteen years of isolation

“That’s not … that’s not what happened!”

Schlatt’s piercing, high-pitched cackling erupted out of Tommy’s mouth once more.

“Boy, Limbo really did a number on you!”

With a jump Glatt-Tommy was up on his feet again – his nose bloody and broken, his skin coloured black and blue; his hateful grin revealing multiple missing teeth.

“Not that you were all that together beforehand – ‘Tommy, let’s be the bad guys!’ ‘No, Wilbur don’t blow up Manberg. If you blow up Manberg, I’m gonna piss my pants—’ ‘Shut up, Tommy!’”

“I never hit him!” Wilbur’s panicked exclamation interrupted the smear show. “I never hit him!”

Glatt-Tommy shook his head; the satisfied grin not leaving his face. “That’s not what he told me! And what’s worse, when that green guy – Dream, I think his name was? – while he was using Tommy as his own personal punching bag, your ghost was off in the woods jerking off or something. And now you're calling Dream your hero!”

Wilbur felt as all colour drained from his face. The van around him began to spin; darkness and alcohol and cigarette smoke choking even the last ounce of the outside air he could smell.

“I-I …”

Slowly the façade of Tommy began to melt once more. Slowly, deliberately. A nightmarish display. Glatt’s and Tommy’s voices spoke in unison; their echo a cacophony in Wilbur’s ears.

“Face it, loverboy. You will always be a bad guy. No number of apologies will change that. He will never forgive you.”

[anyoneseenadam]

I have an idea- pegging Azriel. Can you imagine, cause I sure can. I need a dom!reader sub!az with pegging. Pretty please 🙏

oh babe i sure can too

—————————————————————————-

so you’ve been planning it for a while and he was so nervous when he first approached you about it

he had practically fallen into the room and then stuttered his way through his request and seeing as you had never seen him so nervous before usually so calm and collected

he had been exploring his submissive side more recently and loved being your baby so much, but he was still nervous about a lot of it - until he met you he had only been taught that men had to be the dominant one

but boy he was glad he was wrong

when you realised he wasn’t getting anywhere you stroked a hand through his hair, shushing him gently and pulling him into your arms

calm down baby, what is it?

i just wanted to ask something? he sounded so afraid and by this point you kind of already knew what he was asking

do you want me to fuck you sweetheart? your voice was soft even as you spoke lewd words, smiling widely when he whimpered and buried his face in your chest with a small nod

you know how i feel about communication baby, words please

i want you to fuck me miss he whined lowly into your boobs and you giggled

good boy, but it means a lot of preparation, gotta get you ready to take my cock you force his head up with his chin in your hand go strip and lie down on the bed baby

as he moved as quickly as he could, you stood and moved to grab your box of toys from your wardrobe and a bottle of lube from your bedside table

oh baby i always forget how pretty you look like this you cooed, moving to lean over him and pressing kisses into his neck as you moved one hand to languidly stroke his cock

he whimpered underneath you, his hips jerking up into your hand before you pull away and stand to you full heigh again, carefully undressing as he drooled watching you

turn over baby, let’s get you prepped you commanded and he turned red, moving onto his hands and knees

you would rub some lube into his tight hole gently, pressing in one of your fingers and twisting it gently

the little whimpers and moans he let out were like music to your ears and you smiled widely pushing a second finger into his tight hole

cauldron baby your so tight how am i ever gonna fit my dick in here? you asked him and he groaned so loudly as he fell onto his forearms, his back arching and wings flaring as you twisted your fingers inside him

you then retrieved the smallest plug you had as you pulled your fingers from his ass, and then proceeded to lube it up and pressed it into him as he moaned and bucked against it

when it was completely inside of him you pulled away and pulled him back over by his shoulder

he whined when he was again seated on his ass and you smiled down at him, stroking his cheek before settling between his legs

now i’m going to suck your sweet cock, before i fuck that tight little ass you grin up at him as his mouth opens and closes like a fish

would you like that baby boy? he nodded quickly but you tutted under your breath as he inhaled shakily

i-i want that he whispered and you bit your lip before spitting on his cock and slowly lowering your mouth onto him, barely fitting a third of his dick in

his hands would grip the bed sheets so tightly, waiting as you hadn’t given him explicit permission to touch you and he was always so good for you - perfectly trained in following orders and waiting

you would take your time with him, eyes trained on the blissed expression on his face, and slowly work most of his cock into your mouth

he loved seeing you like this - you were on your knees yet had complete control over him, watching his every move as you swallowed him down

you reached a gentle hand to his own, knuckles turning white from how tightly he was gripping the sheets in an effort to remain your good boy

when you stroked over the back of his hand he let you guide him to hold your head - scarred fingers tangling in your hair as he started moving you up and down his dick at his own pace

he was already so close and when you moaned around his length he cursed loudly, hands tightening in your hair

i’m going to come miss he whined loudly and you pulled away with a giggle, your hand stroking him

is that so baby, and what’s the magic word? you spoke condescendingly as his eyes widened, pleading with you

please miss, please i need it so badly, please, please you would never tire of hearing him beg and given how pretty your boy looked like this you took mercy, moving back down to suckle on the head of his cock

his body bent over as he was overcome with the sensations and you soon felt him coat your tongue

you swallowed it all with a smile as he cursed, thanking you and whining above you as you pulled off him with a pop

such a good boy for me, do you think you’re ready to try baby? he would be so nervous as you spoke but would nod, undeniably excited to become completely yours

i’m ready miss, only want it to be you his gentle words would make you smile as you stood to stand between his legs again

okay baby, we’ll use the colour system today, if you say red i’ll stop immediately, orange i’ll slow down and green if you’re good. got it?

his little nods were adorable and you cooed what are you now baby?

green miss, so fucking green his voice was rough from moaned and you reached out to stroke his cheek, kissing him softly before pushing him back and pushing his legs out, reaching a hand down to twist the plus inside him

i’m gonna start small okay baby, you remember how long it took me to take you the first time he blushed at the praise, and the memory but nodded nonetheless

you went to retrieve your harness and started with your seven inch dildo, strapping it on and making sure everything was secure before lubing up and pulling the plug out of him gently

you prepared him again, to afraid to hurt your sweet boy to rush anything before leaning over him again to press a gentle kiss against his mouth

you would then slowly push in, swallowing his pathetic moans with your mouth as you kissed him until you were fully seated within him

colour my sweet boy? you could feel your own wetness in your panties as you took in his breathless appearance, face red and his eyes scrunched together

his eyes met yours and you almost moaned yourself when you saw how filled with desire they were

green miss, i’m not gonna last i’m sorry you smiled down at him and started moving slowly as you put a hand between you to start pumping his cock at the same pace as you fucked his ass

that’s okay baby, i’m happy to fuck this pretty ass for five minutes or five hours, it’s all for you he moaned wantonly as you spoke

you set a steady pace, fucking him roughly but slowly, not wanting to overwhelm him so soon as you could already predict the sub drop he would have when he finished

his moans started getting higher after a few minutes and you sensed he was getting close so you sped up slightly, twisting and tugging his cock as you pushed him over the edge

his back arched of the bed when he came, covering your hand in his cum as his whole body shook with the force of his orgasm

when he had come down for his high you pulled out gentle, quickly discarding the strap on and rushing to get a washcloth and a glass of water for your worn out boy

when you came back he was near passed out on the bed, a blissful expression on his face as you cleaned the two of you up gently - praising him the whole time

when you were finished you helped him dress and lay down next to him as he curled up beside you, face hidden in your chest again

are you okay baby? you asked when you felt him curl tighter into you

yeah just overwhelmed he muttered and you stroked a hand through his hair before sitting up slightly making him choke on a sob and pull you back down and into his arms, wings curling around you

don’t leave me his voice was so soft and sad that you instinctively reached out to draw your hands along his hair comfortingly

never baby, i just thought you’d want a bath and maybe a snack? you can stay with me the entire way you comforted

can you just- hold me for a bit right now? he asked with that same small voice and you kissed him softly

of course love, we can do all the when you’re ready okay? he nodded into your chest with a small okay

he would fall asleep soon after safe and loved in your arms as you stayed with him until he was whole again

[ohbutwheresyourheart]

Fertile Wounds - Part 1

@n0isy-gh0st requested creepy Willy/Madeleine and I am nothing if not an overachiever so here is part 1 of idk how many parts. Welcome to gaslight, gatekeep, girlboss hours. It's gonna get fucked up.

In the wake of the Golden Ticket tour, over ten years since they last met, Willy and Madeleine have begun to reconcile. The sweetness of their reunion, however, is soured by Madeleine's realisation that something is very, very wrong in the factory, and with Madeleine herself.

WARNINGS: Body horror, gore, unreality/gaslighting.

Madeleine knew most people were discomfited, at best, by her tattoos. It was why she normally wore long sleeves while working in Elysium (not so much Rapture; the primarily studenty bar clientele was less likely to be put off); to uphold the image of the warm, inviting patissier. A woman made of honey and spun sugar.

Underneath her clothes, she was covered in brambles with thick, wicked thorns. They were expertly rendered and looked sharp enough to draw blood. Despite being just ink on her skin, Madeleine had noticed people thought twice about touching her after seeing them. Which suited her just fine.

So it didn't surprise her to notice the sidelong glances the Buckets passed between each other. Wondering what she, with her arms full of thorns and her cynical attitude, thought she was doing there in Candyland. All save the youngest Bucket; Charlie was too young to grasp the full nuance of everything that had gone into her tattoos but he looked at her sometimes as if he had an idea of the broad strokes. Madeleine had seen him turn that knowing gaze on Willy, too. She wasn't sure what to make of being on the receiving end of it herself, but it wasn't as uncomfortable an experience as she would have expected. Charlie was a perceptive and remarkably good-hearted child.

What Willy thought of the thicket of thorns that had grown over the original wildflowers during their time apart, Madeleine was equally uncertain of. He hadn't said a word about them so far, although he occasionally traced a finger along a twisting stem, deftly avoiding the thorns. When he kissed her, he found the few patches of bramble-free skin to press his lips against. Madeleine had left the space on the back of her shoulder untouched; the berry-coloured lip print remained, and he took it as an invitation.

How did Madeleine feel, these days? Tired, mostly; weary of clutching her pain so close to her chest and pretending it was a shield. She yearned to drop it and allow herself to feel, fully and freely, once again, but so many years holding the same defensive position had cramped up her muscles: she couldn't just decide to stop being cautious.

And yet. When she woke up next to Willy, the taste of candy apples in her mouth, it became harder and harder to think of reasons not to stay forever. Madeleine would lie there, thinking fiercely about the businesses she had built with her own two hands - hers, truly and only hers - but her pride melted away all too quickly when she looked into Willy's sleeping face. The unbridled joy that never failed to illuminate him when he woke up and saw her.

Harder and harder to pull herself away. Easier and easier to listen to Willy when he asked her to stay. At times, it felt like they were back in the old days, the good days; the handful of months when everything at the factory seemed to be going so well and they were on top of the world together.

Sweet and good and smooth, like buttercream on her tongue.

That was why it took her so long to notice something wasn't right.

*

They didn’t sleep together right away - despite the knowing looks from the older Buckets, those first few nights really were essentially a sleepover - but, when they did, it was just as Madeleine remembered. Except hungrier, maybe: they had a lot of time to make up for.

Afterwards, they got to know each other’s bodies again. Willy traced a careful finger along her brambles, deftly avoiding the thorns. He didn’t say much, but there was an awful, knowing look in his eyes. Madeleine had become marginally more capable of being known in the past decade, however, and she managed to meet his gaze rather than physically and verbally deflecting as she used to. That earned her a smile, small and sweet as a new summer strawberry.

“I think these could flower again, you know,” he remarked. “I’ll just have to be careful ‘til then.”

“Don’t worry, the thorns only cut people I don’t like.”

As for Willy, he was much the same as before; still a hair too skinny, worn thin by the sheer intense mania of being Willy Wonka. Madeleine enjoyed running her fingers through his longer, silky-soft hair; enjoyed, too, the very familiar way he melted into her touch like a cat. The reason for his perpetually gloved hands became clearer - the chemical stains that had begun to take hold in the old days were much clearer and stronger now. Each tapered, elegant finger was blotchy with shades of purple, yellow, green, blue, magenta. They looked bruised, if you didn’t know better.

“Tie-dye fingers,” she teased him, just like she used to, kissing each fingertip in turn. “You hippy.”

What did shock her was the scar: an ugly, knotted puncture wound on his side, as if something had gone for his liver. Which, it transpired, was exactly the case.

“A big old wangdoodle got me while I was exploring Loompaland. I woulda been a goner if the Oompa Loompas hadn’t found me: wangdoodles are the most toxic creatures in the world, it’s why they go for the liver.”

Madeleine lay back as the story washed over her. She’d seen the Oompa Loompas - even grown accustomed to them - but Willy’s stories still carried a sense of unreality. Could it really be possible he discovered a completely unknown country populated by horrendous monsters and cocoa bean worshipping little people?

And yet. If anyone can achieve the impossible, it’s Willy Wonka - and he did say he was going to the ends of the earth.

Whether it was true or not, Madeleine was willing to believe. Willy wove the story so deftly she couldn’t see the seams even if she squinted. Sweeter, then, to take it at face value; to be swept up in the dream. Just like old times. The thought sent a pang through her.

“So were your travels worth it, Gulliver?” Madeleine was proud of how light and inconsequential she managed to keep her tone. The ends of the earth. So far, just to be away from her and the mess she’d made.

No matter. He was back now, and so was she.

Willy chuckled, oblivious to her inner conflict. “I sure felt like I’d woken up in Lilliput at first. I don’t think they knew what to make of me any more than I did them. Lucky for me, the chief at the time was a curious kind of guy and he wanted to talk to me - well, eventually. It took a while for me to learn their language well enough to get anything across.”

“They speak English now, though.”

“Yeah, they learned pretty fast once they arrived here. Honestly, I was really impressed, ‘specially since they just had me around to learn from. They’re clever little guys and gals. Took to the factory work like they were made for it, too; you’d never guess Loompaland was just jungle as far as the eye could see.”

Madeleine rolled onto her side, leaning on her elbow. “Have you ever been back?”

“I went back and forth a few times to bring the Oompa Loompas over here. They wanted to send an expedition party first; it made sense, they’d never been outta Loompaland before, and they wanted to make sure I wasn’t gonna do anything awful to ‘em. So those guys had to go and report back and then they took a vote on all of them moving out to the factory. They’re very democratic, the Oompa Loompas - natural union members,” Willy added with a wink. “You’d approve.”

“Yeah, I heard the office staff have a union. I tried to poke my head in once after five to grab some files, I thought they were going to come after me with pitchforks.”

Willy laughed again, although it was now a much more awkward sound. For once, he was the one who couldn’t meet Madeleine’s eyes. “Yeah. That… That’s ‘cause of you, actually. Well, kind of. I — I mean, I knew how hard you worked, but it wasn’t until I had to do it myself…” Willy grimaced. “Maddy, how’d you do it?”

Oh, no. No. Not this. Not when everything was so sweet and good. Madeleine tensed. Her heart was already beating faster, her breath catching in her throat. No. Not this, not now.

Of all the times for Willy “Never-Talk-About-The-Past” Wonka to decide he will, after all, talk about the past.

“Badly,” she reminded him, aiming for flippant but knowing at once she’d missed the mark. “Remember?”

“What…” Willy sat up, all traces of post-coital languidness gone. “No — Madeleine, you can’t think — it wasn’t your fault! It was those damn spies, and the bank, and those useless investors—”

“You don’t have to coddle me,” Madeleine cut in, pushing herself up to sit against the pillows with her knees pulled up to her chest. “If you’ve forgiven me, that’s fine, but don’t pretend you didn’t blame me — didn’t have reason to blame me… Look, can we just not talk about this? Please?”

She couldn’t sit there and listen to him try to make excuses for her. She knew the narrative and she accepted it: she fucked up, came this close to costing Willy his dream forever, and in return he cut her loose as a liability he couldn’t continue to shoulder. It hurt more than anything else in her life - came closer to killing her than the overdose did - but it made sense. If Willy didn’t hate and blame her back then, why leave? It turned an act of considered cruelty into one of random malice, which made it so much harder to swallow.

She couldn’t stand to hear any of it. The accusations or, worse, the gentle avoidance of placing blame. The pity. She’d rather die than be pitied, and no matter that she had been plenty pitiful in her life. Pride was all she had, wrapped as tightly around her as the thorns inked into her skin.

“Madeleine.” Willy’s voice was soft; not with gentleness, but as if he was too afraid of what he was about to say to speak it any louder. “Have you thought I blamed you all this time?”

A sound erupted out of Madeleine; you couldn’t call it a laugh, not that clash of broken glass. “If you didn’t blame me, why did you leave me behind? I — I understand, okay?” Madeleine forced out, voice cracking. “You didn’t sign up to deal with — that — you wanted out, I understand—”

Stop talking - stop it, stop it - you’ll make it worse - you’ll prove how much is still wrong with you - SHUT UP!

But she couldn’t; like vomit, the words rose up and just keep coming, the dam of brain-to-mouth filter completely breaking down. Madeleine opened her mouth and words spewed forth. What remained of her conscious mind could only watch, as horrified as Willy, by this brand new mess. An image of herself as a broken bottle of wine on the floor flashed through her mind, red liquid seeping into a cream rug: irreparable.

“I understand,” she repeated, because she needs to stress this above all else. “I ruined it — I ruined everything—” 

“Maddy — stop — just listen—”

Willy reached out, grabbed her arm — and immediately released her with a savage cry of pain. He yanked his hand back, cradling it to his chest. A dark red ribbon ran from his hand down his arm and dripped onto the bedsheets. It was so sudden and so incomprehensible that they both simply stared for a moment before realising—

“Oh my God, you’re bleeding — how — why — oh, God!”

Madeleine, reaching for his hand to see the damage, recoiled when she saw the huge thorn sticking clean through Willy’s hand. It looked impossibly big, the length of a finger, the end red with blood. Pushing through her horror and revulsion, Madeleine took hold of his hand and tried desperately to remember what you were meant to do with a puncture wound — did should she push the thorn out one way, or the other, or leave it alone entirely? Every second of indecision, more blood pumped out of Willy's hand - on him, on her, on the bed. Willy himself just stared in mute horror; finally, he raised his eyes to look at her.

“They only cut people you don’t like,” he echoed, voice dull.

*

Madeleine woke with a start, gasping for breath. The bedroom was shadowy and she was not alone; Willy sat on the edge of the bed, fully dressed. At once, Madeleine grabbed for his hand, holding it up and squinting in the dim light: it was ungloved, and unharmed. Madeleine stared at it, uncomprehending.

“What…” Madeleine didn’t even know what to ask. How much of what just happened was real? She was no longer naked, either, she realised belatedly; she was wearing her pyjamas. “Willy, what…?”

“It’s okay.” Willy’s voice was as warm and sweet as melted chocolate. He threaded his fingers through hers, pulled her hand to his lips to kiss the palm and then folded her fingers down, as if to keep it a secret. “I’m gonna make everything okay, Maddy, I promise. I mean it this time. You’re gonna be happy here.”

“I hurt you.” Madeleine couldn’t take her eyes off his hand. There wasn’t even a scratch. It was a dream. And yet, it didn’t feel that way.

“No, no, you didn’t,” Willy assured her. “Nothing bad can happen here. Not to us. Not ever again.”

Madeleine couldn’t think. She felt — syrupy, now, after the initial adrenaline burst; detached. The questions and concerns were all there, but kept at bay behind a pane of glass. Like when she was double- and triple-dosing on alprazolam. Had she—? No, she can’t have, she hadn’t had a prescription in years, the doctors wouldn’t give her one anymore. But losing track of time, unreliable memories: they had been signs, before, she was taking far too much.

“I don’t… I don’t understand,” she confessed, driven to an honesty that would be impossible if she were in her right mind. “What’s happening?”

“Nothing bad,” Willy repeated. The way he said it made it sound like a mantra. His eyes, wide and a little fearful, only lent further credence to the notion. “Nothing bad. I promise. I promise.”

“...No,” Madeleine said slowly, groping for coherent thought. “I—I did, I hurt you — again — I need to… need to…”

“Sleep,” Willy cut in. He swallowed, hard, and squeezed her hand. “Please? Try to sleep. It’ll be okay in the morning. It really will. You’ll see.”

*

“Vouloir, c’est pouvoir, my dear; give me your will and I’ll show you the way.”

*

When Madeleine woke next, it was to bright light. The vast majority of the factory did not receive any sunlight, but the lights had been programmed to brighten and dim to reflect the day-and-night cycle of the outside world. Madeleine estimated it was mid-morning.

As she stretched and shrugged off the last vestiges of sleep, she was struck by a sense of unease that she could not place the source of. Within a few minutes, however, it had dissipated entirely. The lingering remnants of a bad dream? She'd had more than a few of those in her time. Madeleien was just glad she hadn't woken up with a head full of nightmare images.

On the contrary, she felt great: well-rested and content. The only tiny fly in the ointment was that she didn't wake up next to Willy, but he was a notorious early riser and had probably been at work for hours already. While she slept on in slothful indolence... well, it was her weekend, technically.

Still, Madeleine reflected as she clambered out of bed and went through to the bathroom, she'd have a word with him about finding something she could help out with. Just sitting around the factory discomfited her; she was so accustomed to being busy that she couldn't acclimate herself to having nothing to do.

It made her smile to see her toothbrush next to Willy's; her favourite toiletries once again populating the bathroom cabinet. Was that even... yes, the marshmallow and sugar plum scented bubble bath that had heralded the end of many delightful evenings stood next to the enormous bath. Hmm, that might be giving her ideas...

Madeleine reached out for the bottle, intending to take a sniff to prompt a few more of those memories — and stopped short, frowning at her hand. What was...

There, in her nail beds: semicircles of rust. Of, she realised with a lurch, dried blood.

An image flashed into her mind: Willy's hand, pierced and bleeding. Then, like that was the key in the lock, the rest of the memory gunned through her mind's eye. Madeleine's breath hitched and her legs weakened; she half-collapsed to sit on the edge of the bath. Her heart pounded in her chest, blood rushing in her ears.

He'd promised she hadn't hurt him. He'd promised it hadn't been real... no, wait, he hadn't said that, had he? Not in so many words?

But there hadn't been a scratch on him.

But, if it hadn't been real, why was his blood quite literally on her hands?

But how could it have been real? Did she really think a thorn had come out of her skin and attacked Willy? That was insane. No... no, she'd... she'd cut herself, or something, and not noticed. Scratched herself in her sleep and drawn a bit of blood. Something. Anything. Anything at all other than this madness.

Madeleine, in the wake of the episode that got her sectioned and resulted in Willy fleeing the country, had at times had a tentative relationship with concepts like time and memory, but hallucinations was an untapped market. She would like, very badly, for it to stay that way.

Then again, which was the worse prospect — that she was going mad, or that it was all somehow real?

Nothing bad can happen here, Willy had promised.

Except, one way or another, it already had.