#I was feeling pretty FOMO on day 2 so here we are

[cerastes]

With the exception of Arknights what are your thoughts on gacha games?

I don't feel like I need to exclude Arknights from the statement, I can criticize things even if I like them.

In general, I don't like that their widely accepted and even defended business model is "Capitalize on FOMO, exploit gambling addictions, create dependent users". I also think that the use of the "game as a service" model, and one that needs to keep pumping content forever and can't risk to alienate the player, severely limits what can be done with the medium in terms of creativity, because you can't kill off playable characters nilly willy (I actually think Epic Seven was cooking with this, Epic Seven will kill off playable characters and remove them from the plot if it feels like it, or at least used to back when I played, don't know nowadays), relationships and dynamics with characters tend to be limited because otherwise your audience can feel like you are cucking them, and I wish I was kidding but just look at the absolute dumpster fire of a drama going on as we speak (22nd of January, 2024) in Girls' Frontline 2 over in China over one of the characters having interactions with a male NPC, and you can't ever bring a true sense of finality to any given arc because everything ends up having to be foreshadowing, set-up, build-up and so on and on and on. In many cases, you also have a mold cast of Must Have tropes in your playable cast: The Maid, The Idol, The One That Worships The Ground You Walk On, The Underage And Underclothed One, The Underage (But We Treat This One As A Precious Child!) One, Foxgirl, The Cold And Highly Analytical One (But Actually, Loves You), Chuuni, etc, so it feels like in every game I kinda already know at least a third of the cast minimum already and I'm kind of primed to not really want to know them, even though there's subversions I end up liking sometimes (Fenny from Snowbreak is an example of an Idol-type I ended up loving despite not liking Idol-types).

On the other hand, even with these negatives in mind, having a game that periodically updates and adds content, and that you can discreetly play pretty much everywhere on the go due to smartphones being their main 'console', games that foster community and something to talk about with your friends that also play and that will always have something new every couple of weeks, as well as inspire fanart, fanworks, analysis, and commentary, and that tend to be more risque and interesting with their designs is honestly good to have. I personally enjoy the community aspect of gacha games, I consider it one of the two most important aspects for me, because I know I can come here, for example, and see people talking about the story, the characters, the music, the gameplay, and more, every day, and the other important thing to me is how discreet they are, since I can just play a few maps or stages in my phone real fast midst a social situation at work, and then hop back in with a renewed social battery or when a topic I like comes up.

I fully get when people showcase their disdain for gacha, yeah, but if we really want to be nitpicky, the majority of the game industry is kind of a cesspool of toxicity, which is not to say "stop bashing gacha" and instead say "bash the whole thing if you're going to be bashing it anyway" (and we should! Game devs and other personnel in the industry have been crying for better conditions for years now!). Either way, if someone decides to sit at the gambling den, it becomes their responsibility. I want there to be more safeguards for people with actual addictions and to protect them, but with this in mind, if anyone still decides to sit at the den, it's assumed they are going to take responsibility for their actions and financial decisions.

So all in all, yeah, predatory games that suffer in quality due to their own trappings, but also good sources of community, inspiration, and effective at being discreet games you can play anywhere and that get periodic updates (this isn't necessarily exclusive to gacha but it is an aspect of them that bears mentioning, which I point out since no doubt people will want to point out there's good non-gacha smartphone game options out there)

[maifrenthebesto]

I think I'm pretty tired of talking about the things we've all been subjected to in one way or another, and talk about things that I'm subjected to specifically due to my subjective experience on the subject of today.

Let's talk The Elder Scrolls.

The reason I like The Elder Scrolls is a combination of the timing of first exposure to the franchise at large, the depth of the universe at large, the creative ways in which it approaches metaphysical concepts, and the collaborative nature of the inception of the world, and how that is reflected in the mythos within a world that isn't afraid to show the players how real some of the things you will hear about actually were/are.

With that said, analyzing the producing company is necessary when looking at the direction that the games will take moving forward. As someone who really enjoys the freedom and creativity the sandbox given to the players has offered, it is worrisome to see them doing damage control *prior* to release, especially with no release date on sight for TES6 yet, lowering expectations and justifying having to hit a metacritic quota on release, otherwise their efforts were meaningless is so indicative of the state of games and gaming as a whole. The 'pre-johns' are crazy.

I think "Here at Bethesda..." they are beginning to experience fomo.

I worry that internally, younger devs who have worked in other metacritic hit games are aware of the trends that the games that boast those scores follow, and I see two paths here. They either pushed for certain game mechanics foreign to the franchise or the company and it is having unexpected problems that are baked into the core of the game, or they are trying to make the new generation not hope for all of those things they see in newer games. It really depends on the internal goals, and we are solving for X based on the article.

This is the source.

https://www.pcgameshardware.de/The-Elder-Scrolls-6-Spiel-37440/News/Bethesda-rechnet-mit-unzufriedenen-Spielern-1456028/

Thre's a cookie wall on the article and it's in German so don't even bother lol.

And I got it from this YouTube video.

https://youtu.be/ZTWhf24nMD0?si=CQVlunMmkXbpiZZ2

This captures the sentiment behind the article pretty well, and he proceeds to give his opinion. Partly why I felt inclined to do so today.

What happened to the days of Todd Howard lying to us to set expectations so high that they could never be reached? Indicative of low morale.

I was expecting that Starfield would be indicative of TES6's success, and I think they did too, so I was surprised to see that the current score of 83 for Starfield was considered an internal failure.

Something I've noticed is that Bethesda has a facility to maximize asset lifespan, whether this is due to pride or laziness is up to interpretation, but the fact is that you fight the same dragon in Skyrim and in Fallout 76, but it has a bat skin (spooky).

If TES6 is gonna be a pirate skinned version of Starfield then yeah it won't do very good! But I think there's enough senior staff in there that cares about the story being told correctly over maximizing profits considering where they've been leading us to for the past couple of decades.

I care a lot about the story coming out good, that the game plays well, and that I want to play it over any of the prior installments. It doesn't mean it has to do everything the other games did (although that would be nice), but it means that the game has to have a strong sense of self. I don't want to feel like I'm playing Skyrim 2, because I want the Skyrim feel to stay in Skyrim so I can go back to that one too. Unless you just add DLC or a post game way to go into Skyrim, but I'd want to get immersed in the provinces that will be available at the beginning of the game. It is u clear where it will start, but it will take place accross Hammerfell, the Iliac Bay, and High Rock (maybe Yokuda + Skyrim) but as far as how the game is gonna get you started, that's probably gonna be in a boat storm fight to set up the boating gimmick that you'll avoid until the game forces you to do it again, until you get really good at the game and then it's a cakewalk.

I hope that Kirkbride is part of something else, but whenever they do a TES series I hope that he is a consultant at least. He would be if I was involved in that project, but it's not something you can just apply to be a part of, or pitch.

But above all else regarding the next installment, I hope the game is fun to play.

[ley-med]

Hey! I want to apologise in advance because well I'm going to cry about my life in your asks and ruin your mood. I'm a second year? First year student? I'm not sure anymore. I had my first year final exams and got my results 2 days ago. I failed anatomy. Not by just a bit but by 18 marks. People who have not studied even a single day the whole year somehow passed. I was blaming the system, the checkers and what not but my mom kinda said that your failure is your fault more than anyone else's and she's not wrong. I always dreaded studying anatomy, I hated it cuz it was hard, maybe? Idk on the other hand i scored pretty good in biochemistry and physiology. I have a month roughly to prepare for my supplementry exams that are in February and if I pass I can rejoin my batch , I'll be with my friends again. But to study alone this month feels so difficult, fomo as my friends and classmates go to clinics and OT's constantly makes me anxious. My parents are very supportive, they were very positive and that I have gotten a chance to resolve my fear. My mental health is fluctuating so bad, a moment I'm so motivated that I can do it! And the next minute I'm in pits of sadness and dispair. Idk why im sharing all this but as a fellow in medical field I hope maybe i could have a word of encouragement or maybe a reality check. My friends believe hundred percent that I'll pass and I'm hopeful too but my anxiety does not rest. If I fail I'd have to repeat the year and be with my junior batch. Thank you for listening and I'm sorry again.

Oh sweetheart, I'm so sorry, I feel your pain!

Do you know how many times I failed anatomy? Well I won't say the exact number because that's frankly embarrassing, but I'm probably on some sort of list of "worst students to ever disgrace the halls of the anatomy department"... I failed anatomy and biochemistry and had to repeat first year. Then I failed anatomy and physiology and had to retake second year too... Shit happens.

Do you know why they say med school is hard? It's because it is damn hard. Most students will fail some exams here or there, some will fail more than just a few exams, and very few will pass all of theirs. (Even those who don't study and somehow seem to always pass? Even their luck runs out sometimes). Sometimes it's unfair, and sometimes it's our fault.

Your exam results has nothing to do with how good of a doctor you will become! It's just school, nothing more, nothing less. See me, I was so bad at med school, just terrible at it, and now that I'm a doctor, I might not be the best ever out there, but I'm good at my job.

I know this sucks now, it sucks to fail, and it sucks to study again when you could be doing something else. But it's just an exam, not the end of the world. You cry, then you dry your tears, sit back, and study as hard as you can.

And there is no guarantee you will pass the next time either, passing is never ever guaranteed! You just study and hope for the best. And if you fail again, you cry some more, then realise that maybe your "study as hard as you can" wasn't really your hardest, or you realise you aren't studying effectively and you need to find a way of studying that better suits you. We all have to learn how to study...

And sometimes you just say, fuck it, and pass purely out of spite.

Anyways. Don't compare yourself to others. You live your life, not theirs. And unfortunately, yours now includes some more exams and studying... Allow yourself some time to wallow in despair, you absolutely deserve that relief, but after that, give yourself a pep talk sweetheart and get back to studying. And do something fun, and have some treats! You deserve that too!

And hey? You can do this! I believe in you, anon, you absolutely got this. Just be patient with yourself :)

[hastings727]

Existential nostalgia

I'd like to get over being nostalgic, please.

I struggle to keep things out of my thoughts, I always have. My former therapist told me it was due to OCD. I don't know if shes right, but I exist this way.

And especially on days off from work, when the house is empty and its just me and the pets, I feel so utterly alone. My kids are school, my wife at work. Here I sit, unable to do anything besides sit on my computer. The tv in our living room is half broken, and the couch is disgusting and needs to be replaced (we finally ordered a new one). So I feel shackled to this desk, to the internet. I'd like nothing more than to go to other spaces in my house, in the area, to do things. But even when I feel well, I'll just sit here most days. Am I addicted to the internet? For literal years, since 06! I have been an internet nerd. But now that I'm older, I just feel anxious everytime I go on it. My eyes hurt, my neck hurts. I've done the correct things, better posture, resting my eyes. It doesn't work. Because I need new glasses. My anxiety doesn't go away because I need medical intervention for it, at this point. I've lived with it all my life, along with any potential AUDHD symptoms that not even my former therapist would nail down.

I honestly just want to live. I'm so tired of being on the edges. I'm so tired of going to take a shower and finding out my apartment complex is "fixing the plumbing" for the upteenth time without notifying us. My neck is killing me because I slept wrong. And our mattress is easily 2-3 years old, and we can't afford to replace it. My GERD is flairing up again and I had to wait until today to buy prilosec because money issues. Even if I worked full time, it would amount to a pittance compared to our bills. I appreciate my family paying our rent, but even with that, we're struggling. I haven't had a medical check up since I was in high school, not to mention zero dental check ups either. I never learned how to sign up for this stuff, so even when I had insurance available, I never did it. I'd just forget it, tbh.

I'm glad I started community college, I'm glad I took these videography classes. I've made things that I'm proud of, and I'm excited to make even more stuff. It's never too late, but good god does it feel like it is. The world feels like its ending every few days, prices of everything constantly growing and growing as wages keep staying the same.

I can't go back 10, 20 years ago and do all the correct things I was supposed to do. I should have tried in school, I should have taken the SAT, I should have gone to community college. I didn't know how to do those things, and my mother and stepdads failing marriage meant that I had zero help while they squabbled. Years later my mother blames me for those failures instead of herself. Maybe she has a point, I was 18, I was an "adult". But instead of helping me with those problems, as soon as I didn't find a job or go to school, I was sent down to Florida to live with my dad. I had spent my entire life in Pittsburgh PA only for her to shunt me down to my dad. Once I was 18, the child support payments were gone. So I guess I was just a money-sucking vacuum to her.

Whats all this sad personal stuff got to do with existential nostalgia? Because on days like this I end up thinking about the past. I think about how I wish I could go back and make the *right* decisions. I watch old stuff, I watch recaps of decades, I look at old pictures and feel sad. Which is okay! If it wasn't a habit. If it didn't occupy my thoughts constantly, especially when i feel pretty bad.

Not only all that, but I feel *guilt* for doing so. I have some of the worst FOMO about so many things. I am constantly trying to keep up with new releases on things I like, and I feel guilty when I forget about an artist I like, I feel guilty when I started rationing out my social media time, I feel guilty for not paying *enough attention* to things. Those thoughts are the worst, it fuels my anxiety and makes me feel so awful, but I can't get them to leave.

I just want to be happy. But my own failures in the past and present are hampering my future, along with the state of the world.

[ihateeverything101]

Char got fired. Has been talking with Katie. He doesn't do much in his day and I am beginning to resent and be spiteful towards him. He sleeps in or can take naps as he pleases, he masturbates, he watches youtube or plays music or games or whatever he wants to do! Video chats with Katie, smoke weed, showers or baths how he wants. I have so much frustration, even when I have “lazy” days they are nowhere close to his normal / lazy days. I wish I could wake up slow or sleep all day, on my weekends I still bow to him so its not like I do anything for myself then. I know I need to be stronger willed to get the things I want and need but it is hard when he is reactive and emotional. I am those things too, don't get me wrong but I guess since he is older I look to him during conversations. Anyways. He listens to me and we talk about things but I often feel small and idk. I'm tired of making decisions that make sense. Screw that. I want to make a decision because I wanted to or because it is fun and makes me happy.

We have 2 cars in between Steff me and Char. One is an Outback and it is Steffs car, the other one is a Tribeca and it is Char’s. However they are both under Steff’s name. I had been driving the Outback as “my” car, it is newer and has a backup camera, bluetooth, and seat warmers. And a lot of things newer cars have, it was never my car but I did feel comfortable driving it and since I sold my car, this Outback was truly “my” car. Steff didn’t really like me driving the car to work everyday because she couldn't use it if she wanted to. A lot of these situations, I do not think Steff is being unreasonable, it is her car, she should use it! But what am I supposed to do? Even with the salary situation, what am I supposed to do? anyways we are all broken up and it isnt pretty smooth or any positive term you could use. Today I drove to work in Char’s Tribeca. This is my second time driving it. There is no bluetooth or backup camera and I am still learning how to use it. Its not the end of the world but this is all so upsetting.

I dont know what they are doing at home, Katie and Char it makes me feel sad and jealous and FOMO. but not even FOMO, I wish things were different. I don’t think I ever would've left OH if I knew this is how it was going to go. I know I compare a lot but I had a nice apartment, a nice car, friends and hobbies and places to go and have fun. Now I do not have any of that, really any of it. Everything has changed so drastically and I dont like it and I am stressed for the future. Steff and Char broke up, they were friendly and co-exisitng pretty well until this weekend. Steff went out and was gone the whole weekend. It is hard for all of us to try to be roommates while all of our things are still connected. If Steff had her own apartment and did that, it wouldnt matter. And it really doesn’t matter but it really frustrated Char. We have animals and she takes care of them and she didn’t reach out to us to let us know if we needed to take care of them. We dont mind, or I dont mind but I need to know.

Not knowing when she was coming home wasnt pleasant either because it wasnt like we could relax and do what we wanted. But also, we couldve reached out to her at any point asking if we needed to take care of the animals. Anyways this was this weekend, the weekend before Katie came and is going to be here for a week. I was looking forward to spending time with Char because I knew he wouldnt be able to as much this week. But the whole weekend he was pissed and talking about Steff!! This pisses me off because it is like he doesnt think. He says he cares about me but a lot of his actions show the opposite of that. He spent our whole weekend feeling blah and only talking about Steff. I brought this up to him and he apologized but i am very upset. This whole weekend he was being petty and basically took it out on me. We had plans to go out but he didn’t want to because he was feeling low-energy. Theres not a right answer because it is valid to be low energy, I know he is upset with the whole situation as well. But still it hurts me, I am not important. Also this weekend I had to take care of the whole house, Steff does some chores and I do others so with her being gone I had to pull the full weight and go to the grocery store and make sure that, me and everyone else, and the pets are taken care of and ready for the week. Oh and we have a guest coming for the next 6 days so make sure to get the house clean and everything ready for her!! He didn’t say that but I like a clean house, I will not have someone in a dirty unkempt house. Anyways, we needed groceries and we only had the Tribeca. I hadnt driven it yet and didnt feel comfortable driving it. I wanted him to drive me to the store and either sit in the car while I shopped, or come in with me and shop. He didn’t want to do either. I told him it would be fun and make me happy if he came and shopped with me but he still didnt want to because he was feeling low energy from Steffs things and other things. When I went to the store he video chatted with Katie. Doesnt really matter but it does, I am clearly not the priority. When I was making breakfast Sunday morning he video chatted with Katie. Even though she was going to be here that week, in a few days. And he wouldn’t be able to spend the same time with me. Even though those 2 facts are true, he still video chatted with her. He still chose her over me. I literally wantt to punch a wall. Fucking changing everything in my life, with my hands in the air because I cannot do anything. I talk to him all the time about how I am feeling, but he still doesnt seem to understand or care! You dont have to respond to all of this and I am sorry for being overwhelming but Ive had so much ive wanted to say but I do not have time

[mumblingtealeaves]

Day 2 Dress I originally didn't have anything planned, but a quick thing with THEM in regency attire because I'm a sucker for Caleb in a cravat

[bakubub]

Best friend rigs the Secret Santa for Bakugo and yourself to get one another...

A/N: Hullo everybody!! This is part 2 (find part one HERE) of this Pinterest Prompt and part 3 will (hopefully) be the final part. I honestly thought this would be a 800 word fic but now we're barreling towards almost 5k all together whoops lol-

Warnings: Just a few swears here and there, SFW, its literally all Bakusquad shenanigans.

Word count: abt 1.5k, ENJOY <3

"Soooooo~ Who d'ya get for the cringle?" Kaminari asks, leaning back on his chair dangerously to look back at me, sitting on the desk behind him. I raise my eyebrows, since I can't just raise the one, and flick my pen expertly in my hand.

"Mr. Aizawa," I answered seriously. "I'm thinking of getting him another sleeping bag. The musty yellow one isn't really his colour."

Looking genuinely confused, Kaminari looks around to see if anyone else overheard our conversation.

I laugh at him, and kick his chair forward, causing him to shriek as he sits squarely on his butt. I look down to see a folded note on my desk, opening to read it as Mr Aizawa tells us to settle down;

Lover boy was TOTALLY just greasing off Kaminari for making you laugh. I think someone's still jealous from the whole sleeping incident...

Catching Mina's eye, I give her an I don't think so look, which she promptly rolls her eyes at. Its been a whole weekend since the 'sleeping incident', where I had woken up with Kaminari's arms wrapped around my waist and his head nestled on my stomach. Accidentally of course. We, along with Bakugo and Kirishima, had fallen asleep on the couch in the common room, talking late last Friday night.

It really wasn't a big deal... Kaminari apologised several times. I got over it, he got over it, and I don't see why Bakugo, whom Mina just loves to call 'lover boy', would even care.

Plus, I have bigger problems. Like what to get said lover boy for the Christmas Cringle we were supposed to be exchanging this Saturday. He's literally impossible to buy for. Well, I could always just buy him a new pair of shorts or something, but since I've had a crush on him since literally the first day of school, it needs to be perfect.

So far I've thought of a cookbook, an apron, a scarf since he's always wearing the brown one, or maybe even a matching beanie; then again his hair has such personality I don't even know if he CAN put a beanie over those suspiciously natural spikes...

"Hellooooo, come on, Aizawa dismissed us," Mina says, nudging my shoulder.

I snap out of my daze and gather my things, following out of the nearly empty classroom.

"Decided on what to get monsieur Hothead yet?" I sigh, already having predicted this question.

"Nope," I say, popping the p as we walk to the dorm rooms. "I'm thinking of maybe getting-"

"Hey girls, wanna meet at the common room at 6 for a rematch of UNO?" Kaminari asks, coming up from behind us and slinging an arm over my and Mina's shoulders like he always does.

"Yeah sure, we're down." Mina answers, pinching him in the side so he lets us out of his grasp. We duck away, laughing and continuing our banter, before I catch Bakugo's gaze.

"You coming too, Bakugo?" I ask, walking up next to him, ignoring my heart trying to escape its cage.

"Coming where?" He grumbles, still looking disgruntled and angry.

"We're playing UNO around 6 today in the common room. Come on, it'll be fun," I say, trying to persuade him into coming, since he never usually participates.

"HELL NO! I don't have time to waste, especially with you extras," He yells at me. I huff, rolling my eyes and continuing to ignore the feeling of my heart beating in my eyeballs, as I grumble, "you never do," and walk back next to Mina, who was now somehow in a water fight with Kirishima, Kaminari and Sero.

Overall certain that I didn't let my nerves peek through while talking to him, I don't register what's happening as Sero grabs Oijiro's water bottle out of his bag, unscrews the lid, then promptly dumps it over my head.

With Mina, Kirishima, Kaminari and even Bakugo gasping in the background, I wiped the water off my face, before realising my mascara had probably smudged all over my cheeks and glared at Sero, who was slowly backing away.

I practically growl before chasing him, blindly grabbing my own water bottle out of my bag and drenching him, messing up his styled hair which has him shrieking "sorry, I'm so sorry!" and has me cackling in sweet, sweet revenge.

---

"PLUS FOUR?! AGAIN KIRISHIMA! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!" Mina screeches as she pounds Kirishima's arm from next to him, who is laughing and judging from his reaction, barely feeling her punches. I know from experience, that Mina punches hard. He has to be really tough not to show an inkling of pain.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I just really have to win this one!" He says, shooting a guilty smile Mina's way. Maybe he just doesn't feel pain in general...? I stare at him with suspicion as Mina huffs and she rolls her eyes at him, promptly dropping a four plus for the next person in our circle, who just happened to be me.

"Hey! Not cool, hypocrite." I mutter.

"I had to get my anger out somehow. I'm pretending you're Kirishima. Go on, pick up those cards, you slimy rat," Mina says smugly.

Giving her a confused look at her weird logic, I continued the game, Shoji and Hagakure also having joined in half way.

Just as I'm about to announce UNO, Bakugo stomps through the common room and sits right in between myself and Mina, crossing his legs on the floor and leaning back on his two hands.

"BAKUBRO! YOU CAME!" Kirishima yells excitedly, Kaminari and Sero also whooping and cheering.

"Yeah, yeah, shut up. I finished my work and came to see what you idiots were doing." He says, voice gruff but not screaming for once.

I raise my brows at him, and he scowls and looks the other way, not being able to face me after he so rudely rejected my invitation a few hours ago.

"Oh please, you just couldn't handle the FOMO." I say teasingly, smirking at him without fully turning my face so the others can hear.

Sero stifles a laugh and Kaminari looks confused before the dots connect and he also has his hand clamped around his mouth.

"She has a green 7," is all he says, a sadistic look of satisfaction overtaking his features. It takes a moment for all of us to realise what he just said.

Mina cackles as she changes the colour to red, effectively stopping me from winning the game.

Shooting him a dirty look, I lean over to grab another card, simultaneously elbowing him hard in the shin, which he doesn't even react to.

What is it with these guys and their weirdly high pain tolerance?

Ignoring him now, we continue the game, Kirishima practically slamming his last card on top of the deck. "I WON, I WON, man that was so MANLY," He celebrates as I see Mina rolling her eyes and silently fuming. I begin to shuffle and hand out the cards deliberately skipping Bakugo, which doesn't go unnoticed by him.

"Oi, where are my cards?" He asks, annoyance evident in his tone as Kirishima continues to gloat in the background about how manly his win was and Kaminari complaining about how he never "gets the good cards." When I don't respond, Bakugo steals my cards from in front of me, leaning forward to play with the others.

Snarling, I grab my cards out of his hand, causing him to snarl back, until we're fighting for the 7 cards.

"What are you guys doing, there's a whole ass deck here, you know," Sero says, eyebrows raised and nudging Kirishima.

"These. Ones. Are. MINE." I gasp out, my knee coming around to jab him in his side as his hand pushes me down from my sternum. Oxygen knocked out of my lungs, I gasped for air as I tried to hold the cards out of his reach, my hero training kicking in as I snake my other arm around the back of his neck to hold him in an upside down headlock. Trying to push his forehead onto the ground, I give the cards to Mina, who laughs and takes them, after taking a photo of us.

Having apparently heard the camera click, Bakugo (after struggling a great deal might I smugly add) gets out of my head lock and zones in on Mina. "Delete that photo, Racoon Eyes," He snarls.

"Not in a million years. Awww, look Bakugo are you blushing?" She says, pointing at her phone.

Eyes widening and red creeping up his neck, Bakugo snatches the phone out of her hand and deletes the photo, before getting up and leaving.

"C'mon Bakubro, she's just joking," Kirishima says, following him out.

"Yeah man, you didn't even play a game yet," Sero adds.

"I HAVE STUFF TO DO!" He screams, seemingly going back to his old self.

"Didn't you just say that you finished your homework?" Kaminari asks, furrowing his eyebrows.

"SHUT IT, CHARGEBOLT! I DON'T NEED TO EXPLAIN MYSELF TO YOU," he says a tad too harshly, turning slightly to glare at him with bulging eyeballs. Kaminari closes his mouth and shuffles his cards, trying not to set him off again.

"Bakugo-" I start, but when he doesn't turn, I find myself letting him leave.

Staring dejectedly at Mina, she gives me a giddy smile and grabs my phone, going onto her messages and smirking as she shows me the photo he just deleted.

"I sent it to you as soon as I took it. Thank me later," she says, winking, as she gets up to leave, dragging Sero and Kaminari with her.

I look down at the slightly blurry photo, seeing me handing Mina the UNO cards under Bakugo with a desperate expression. He has his hand pressed down on my sternum, straddling my waist and looking down at me, with an unmistakable smile gracing his features. Unless that's just a new way of scowling.

The phone dims and all of a sudden I'm confronted with my own expression on the darkened screen.

A lovesick fool.

That's all I can see.

A/N: Ngl pretty proud of that ending. JUst in case I'm not as slick as I think I am, she meant herself and Bakugo, hehe <3

Notes, interactions and reblogs are highly appreciated <3

Find part 3 HERE

[xnchxntmxnt]

hey could i get a matchup pretty plsss!

i go by Dezz cuz my real name's gross

i'm a her

i like boys ig (but ladies(≧◡≦) ♡)

i'm like 5'7, i have long curly brown hair, my figure is slim with a little tone, i have a nose&belly piercing, i dye my hair in different colors and styles often i have like darker tanned skin (i'm black and asian)

i would describe myself as relaxed and honest, pretty sassy either in a funny way or mean way, i like do my own thing and i'm pretty outgoing, i can be lazy but i still consider myself very smart, i also love to have fun a have FOMO which can make me a bit reckless

my hobbies include different sports like volley ball and motocross, i also rollerblade, i like to cook, i play bass guitar, i like geeky shit like video games, comic books, skincare, i'm a dancer too

some qualities i look for in a s/o is someone who's wants to have fun with me but also knows when to be serious and real, someone smart and open so we could learn from each other, someone who could talk about anything

some deal breakers would be someone who's afraid to try new things, someone clingy, being controlling

My general aesthetic would be like "sporty retro softgirl" from what i hear but i do try to add some edge to it

some colors i'd use to describe myself would be orange&green, pink&blue

some songs i like would be

1. 3 - britney spears

2. la noche de anoche- bad bunny

3. the way- kehlani

4. boombaya- blackpink

i don't have a favorite genre of music i listen to everything but a couple of artist i like would be

ariana grande, sza, doja cat, cuco, drake, jeremih,rosalia

fun fact: i'm afraid of sea monsters

thank u sm! i'm gonna love it forever!!!💕💕

Omfg you're the like the third person i've

gone through w these like desperately wanting to be friends with lihfbslefb why are people so COOL

Anyway

Your matchup is with...

Kita Shinsuke!

How It Started

You were trying to find the latest shonen jump but it had been a couple days since it came out

And you didn't want to go to a different store to find it

So when you see they're all gone you're like “god dammit” and going to go to leave

But kita looks up and notices ur looking where he just took the last copy from

And hands it to you with a smile

“Is this what you're looking for?”

And you nod and smile at him

Then ask if hes sure you can have it

And he just shrugs and says “I can borrow it from my friend when he’s done if i want to read it, no worries”

Strangers -> lovers trope here i love it

General Headcanons

He loves just

Doing things with you

I dont think he’s very good at expressing his feelings through words

But he likes to do things with you whenever he can

He’s VERY strict about schedules and things like that, but he makes sure to leave free time at least once a week to be able to spend a couple hours with you

Whether that’s going to a volleyball game of yours, or just playing back and forth for a little while while you talk about your day

Everything is usually very calm with him

He loves doing new things with you, he’s just not the most spontaneous person

He’s very driven, but stays very strict to a schedule

This could potentially be a problem, but he tries his best to work around it

Like i said, he makes time at least once a week for you to get together and do something

But he’s very stubborn about his schedule so its something you two have to meet in the middle for

He doesn’t do big changes or anything last minute well, so just give him a day or so in advance if you can't make it somewhere that’s all he really needs though

Do skincare with him

He has no idea what any of it is but he’s willing to let you put whatever you want on his face

The boys on the team are jealous

But yeah you can do makeup for him or do skincare n stuff he doesn’t mind at all

Paint his nails if you want

He’s gonna be clueless but he’s willing to learn for you

Another thing you’ll have to teach him is video games

I think he does a lot of reading in his free time and just

Does that doesn’t really do a whole lot else

So if you want to play video games with him you're going to have to teach him

Be patient, he’s learning

3am talks with him are so interesting

Because hes almost NEVER up that late

So he’s half asleep and mumbling things he doesn't even know he’s saying right away until you start laughing

But he’ll grin at you and kiss the closest thing to him (hand, cheek, shoulder, whatever)

Speaking of which when he’s tired, he’s very cuddly

Like when you guys hang out after he’s done with practice, he immediately just lays down and holds his arms out for you like a child

And has you lay on him or next to him he really doesn’t care

He just likes being close to you

Something about the extra weight of you laying on him makes him feel grounded

He loves weighted blankets for that reason too but he likes you more

He's a little awkward but he's a huge sweetheart

Definitely buys you flowers from time to time

But yeah just. Kita being soft for you

A Date With Kita

Dinner dates at his house are always amazing

He cooks and his grandma is so sweet

Honestly it's like

Perfect

His grandma loves you too so she’ll try to get you to talk about something you're excited about and then let you just go off about it for a while

You sit and talk with her for a little while, meanwhile Kita is just staring at you and smiling

You probably don't notice it tbh

But you two will clean up dinner and do dishes

And it's just content & quiet while you're cleaning

He’ll ask if dinner was good, which it always is

And when he’s done washing the dishes but they're still drying them he’ll wrap his arms around you and bury his face in your neck

It's so easy to lean back into him and let him hug you

He mumbles a quiet “i love you” into your ear and you smile because he really does, doesn’t he?

And you love him too and you are both perfectly content where you’re at

Aesthetic

Playlist

I got very chill pop vibes for you guys, i dunno. Still the kind of stuff you mentioned just more relaxed

GONE, GONE / THANK YOU - Tyler, The Creator Just the Two of Us - Grover Washington, Jr. pov - Ariana Grande I Built A Friend - Alec Benjamin Story of my Life - One Direction

Runners Up

Chikara Ennoshita, Daichi Sawamura

[ill-be-istj-if-no-one-else-is]

typing help needed: i get rly obsessed with things & have to know everything abt them (astrology, cats, certain fictional characters, etc) & constantly bring them up in conversations. speaking of which, i only really initiate conversations when there’s something specific i want to talk about; i don’t talk to people just for talking’s sake. i’m ambivalent about spending time w ppl. i could go months w/o seeing ppl as long as i could text them & most people are boring to me anyway, but there are types of ppl whose company i never get tired of. i love being around funny, ambitious & intelligent ppl who tell it like it is. really emotional & soft ppl annoy me. stupid ppl annoy me but also amuse me. what annoys me most is when ppl waste my time (n i lowkey feel guilty abt this ask bc it’s so long & unorganized i’m sorry i tried). i’m constantly tempted to prank people/provoke fights but i’m scared of getting in trouble. academic & financial success are extremely important to me. i’ll sacrifice anything for straight As. i put 100% effort into everything i do as long as i’m interested in it (chores? hell no.) but lose steam quickly and slack off when a project is near completed. still, i do whatever i need to to outperform my classmates. the thought of working a 9-5 office job fills me with unimaginable dread because i hate rigid schedules & having to see the same boring people/place every single day. i want to write/draw for a living and/or be a professor, don’t rly have a plan tho i just take opportunities as they come. i live to entertain. i love wearing weird/flashy clothes that attract attention. i’m “the funny one” and “the creative one” in my friend group. i’m an open book in that i’ll answer p much any question honestly. but the intimacy of romantic relationships is hard for me. i hate feeling vulnerable and i’m terrified of rejection. i’ve never confessed romantic feelings to anyone, but i’ll do crazy things for “love.” i got myself a full ride scholarship to a private high school just because someone i liked was going to go there & then did the same thing for a different person for college. i’m confident & insecure at the same time, like i know i’m smart & capable but i worry that other people won’t see that. i have terrible fomo and i feel like i’m losing a race against everyone else my age. i’m pretty opinionated when it comes to politics & v vocal when i disagree w someone unless they have power over me in which case i bitch about them behind their back. i love a good fight but tap out when people refuse to listen to reason. i have over 20000 accounts blocked on twitter. i wish ppl were less sensitive bc i hate trying not to make them upset. i don’t want to make them upset but i hate that i have to act fake nice in order to do that. it happens a lot in my classes when we critique e/o’s work like i have nothing positive to say to u i’m sorry. i’m a deeply angry person but i try to hide it bc despite wanting to not care abt what people think of me i often do & i’m scared they’d hate the real me. anyway i think i’m an NP but no idea about the other 2 letters & enneagram i have no clue i feel like i don’t fit neatly into any of them. thanks in advance for reading all this hogwash !

okay before I read this...how are you getting around the character limit per ask? I’ve seen this a couple times but very inconsistently but anyway I might need to reframe my ask limit as a character limit (which this is technically under although I can’t believe I’m saying this, but much as I hate copying and pasting each part of 7 asks at least that method has paragraph breaks).

Anyway, ESTP, enneagram 3.

- a lot of the “I wish I could be more chaotic but I’m worried about getting in trouble or being seen as less than impressive” stuff here is very in line with how an Ne or Se-dom 3 acts

- hating routine, grabbing opportunities effectively but for impulsive reasons, and putting effort in based solely on interest or succeeding against certain metrics (rather than say, general obligations) are all very Ne or Se dom as well

- the specific examples you gave of seizing opportunities, the fact that you gave specific examples in the first place (this is a good thing; a lot of questions I get have me like....concrete examples? spare a concrete example for the sensor?), the 3-ness of it all, and the fomo all sound far more like high Se than high Ne to me. The focus on external metrics and the weird flashy clothes also have me thinking high Se.

- the caring to the degree you do about other people and their opinions of you is definitely part of 3 (especially since a lot of it is about not getting into trouble or having good grades) but also pretty clearly the Ti-Fe axis; this isn’t strictly being impressive via competence the way many Te-doms do it, but through interpersonal tracks as well.

- the part about arguments is 100% high Ti. I have no idea how you blocked so many people on twitter or why and frankly I’m not sure how that’s relevant, but one of the greatest hallmarks of high Ti and especially aux Ti (it’s the extroversion) is loving arguments and even starting them but the second someone else doesn’t engage with the rules (which can be valid, like being reasonable, but can also include the other person pointing out this is legitimately a matter of opinion) leaving or getting frustrated or doubling down in weird ways.

[random-esfp]

FACING INTUITIVE BIAS AND MBTI STEREOTYPES: ESFP EDITION

Hello, some already know my blog since it attracted attention for being one of the few MBTI blogs run by a sensor, especially an ESFP. I have always claimed to be pretty different from ESFP stereotypes, though I enjoy MBTI stereotyped memes and shitty posts. But there is one thing I can’t cope with: ignorance towards our type. 

I am a strong Se (extraverted sensing) function defender, and I keep finding shallow and over stereotyped descriptions on how we use it and how do ESxPs portray and represent it. This originates a blurred vision of ESxPs in particular (all sensors are badly perceived in general) which affect us, especially because the most common believing among the MBIT community it’s that we are the dumbest.

First thing you have to learn about MBTI: IT CAN’T determine the IQ or cleverness of ANYBODY. 

Fine, with that being clear, let’s continue.

I have been posting little call outs and statements about ESFPs being wronged as other types when being perfectionistic and having leadership skills etcetera but I think the time has come for making an appropriate post of how a non-stereotypical ESFP can be. I know my case it’s not common, since I am an ambivert and that affects my behavior but I’ll try to be objective. 

Usually, ESFPs in fiction are portrayed as the flamboyant hero or the funny sidekick. Anyway, we are always seen as the bright, carefree, funny, attractive and badass characters, but in real life, we are more complex than that. 

HOW ARE HEALTHY AND NON-STEREOTYPICAL ESFPs IN REAL LIFE: 

Because of Dominant Se: 

The first thing you have to think regarding Extraverted Sensing is experience and engagement. Sure you have already heard about this but it doesn’t mean we crave every day to be high or to hit all the parties. Life is beyond physical pleasures. Even for us, who feel comfortable with sensorial stimuli the most because we need them to create our safe and accurate visión of the world around us. 

An ESFP will most likely say yes to everything. That’s, in part, because many of us are insecure and indulgent or pleasant with people. ESFPs can struggle a lot with assertiveness, swinging between being extremely obliging or aggressive-reactive (usually ESFP enneagram 2  o 3 are the first ones, while enneagram 6-7-8 are the last ones). But a     healthy ESFP will eventually address this tendency to “say yes because of  FOMO” (we have A LOT of FOMO) and will start seeking out what’s more convenient for them.

Se encourages us to live in the moment and take any opportunity or experience we can, but let’s remember we have another three functions. So a balanced ESFP knows when to engage with the flow and when to keep away from it. Of course, we are more willing to take risks but that doesn’t make us reckless in any way.

Instead, we use Se to manage our time and energy efficiently, and this is very important. You know how it is said that INxx types are the most likely to procrastinate while Te types are the ones who “get the shit done”? Well, ESFPs are somewhat in the middle. That’s because ESFPs are impatient. Our Se hurries us to take the task and finish it as soon as possible to engage with something else sooner than later. That’s also why it is said we “only care” about the present. It’s not that we don’t care about the rest. It’s that we are ENGAGED with the present.

ESFPs like to economize time. We’d rather lose money than time. Because time means experience. But we don’t concentrate that easily. Stimuli chase us and beg us to pay attention to them, not to the task. Still, we want to maximize that time, so manly this tension reflects on us as being very capable of working under pressure. When we are given little time to do something, we somewhat get more relaxed because that means maximizing time to the fullest. And THAT is also Se.

Of course, we are also all that beautiful descriptions we find over here: aesthetically selective and sensitive, very observant, can notice when the mood changes in a room, we are very sensitive to the lighting and the sounds etcetera. I’ll drop over here some Se posts very accurate and flattering because trust me, Se is not about jumping off a cliff or fly off from a bullet. That’s fiction (or you have mistaken us for ISTPs lol)

https://random-esfp.tumblr.com/post/140982329002/se-is-not-a-shallow-function

https://random-esfp.tumblr.com/post/141091312137/building-blocks-of-personality-type-extraverted

https://random-esfp.tumblr.com/post/142229288882/entj-girl-personalityplop-what-stereotypes

Because of Auxiliar Fi: 

Fi can be a very upsetting function especially when Dominant. We aren’t “that idealist bitch” but we usually have a full sense of what is wrong and what is right for us (well, that is literally Fi). This means we can be reactive and susceptible when feeling     attacked (and trust me, we DO feel attacked easily). We come across as social butterflies but being with insensitive or negative people can use up our energies. However, healthy ESFPs are usually more realists than optimistic rays of sunshine. Let’s not forget we are truly sensors, we crave for outer stimuli and although we can have our mystical believings, usually we trust what we see, touch and hear. What we can prove. The tangible. 

We are people-oriented so these observations lean mostly on those who surround us. Making us empathic and, somewhat, INTUITIVE. Yes! ESFPs are very intuitive when it comes to interpersonal     intelligence. In my group, I am the most likely to realize or notice when someone is a little more upset than usual, or when someone has changed anything on their image. 

We engage the moment, the action, and that includes voice tones and gestures of people, which we use to complete our vision of the world, make conclusions basing on those observations and take action on it as sociable beings. (Gosh this point it’s the most confusing. We can come across as ENFJs). 

INTERESTING REMARK: Why Se+Fi sometimes seems like Fe?

I have been struggling with this for months. I was so sure I use Se and Fi. I am individualistic and I don’t care if my opinions go against the crowd. I always say what I think. Sometimes I’m brutally honest. I don’t personally seek harmony. I’d rather be honest with myself. So… why do I sometimes feel extremely empathic to the point to think I am using Fe? 

I think it’s basically because of what I have said earlier. The vivid observation makes us both sensitive and intuitive about people’s emotions, moods, and thoughts. ESFP’s minds can be very quick analyzing external stimuli to get to a conclusion. Basically, that is Se, and when it gets in touch with our emotional patterns, we spot the change, we comprehend it, and then we decide how to act based on our mental outline. Sometimes we won’t feel anything for them; sometimes we will feel exactly as them, and THEN is when Se+Fi looks like Fe, but we are just empathizing with people. And Fe isn’t exactly that. Fe users are known for their empathy BUT they also project other people’s emotions, suffering with them even with no clue that people may be actually feeling that. This post (by an xxFJ type) explains if perfectly, it made me realize I have mistaken my empathy with Fe for so long.

Because of Tertiary Te

Healthy ESFPs are real pragmatists, down to Earth people. They are those who in a brainstorm may not participate the most but will show support and excitement for those ideas that seem feasible.     But with those who don’t… well. Let’s say we have already reached a decent assertiveness point… we’ll tell you when your thoughts or ideas are unviable, out of context or unnecessary. Sorry but that’s it. 

As I said,  we value time, we value DOING, not eternal thinking (Se again). So, why do I  have to waste 3 hours of my time discussing this fifteen surreal ideas for our project if we don’t have even put into action at least ONE of the plausible ones, Brenda??? (Brenda is ENxP sorry)

Oh, gosh, I REALLY love Se+Te healthily used. It’s!!! So!!!! Useful!!!

Let’s say it straight: we can be very efficient CEOs. I’m kinda into that at the moment actually. The difference between ENTJs and ESFPs (there are A LOT of differences but I mean in the CEO context since they share all 4 functions) is that ESFPs aren’t used to Te as primary function, and Se will always take the lead, so ESFPs may think less of the consequences of their decisions because they lack that Ni “vision”. Also they have a more “soft” leadership style that can lead them to stressful situations who may end up in loops or grips that aren’t funny at all.

Anyway. Realists. We put things into action. We are quick at decision making and enjoy dynamic jobs where we can train this trait. ESFPs may not have 100 ideas per minute but they will have 2 o 3 that actually are possible and they will just get the shit done. 

BONUS POINTS If they have overcome their insecurities and reached     assertiveness. 

Oh, does it seem like an ENTJ to you? We don’t have that “vision” because Ni is our frenemy, but what is real is that a healthy Te use, especially in mature stages of life, distance ESFPs from that     “dumb party animal look-who-just-broke-the-table-dancing to-Beyonce” type of persona and it makes them effective leaders. Real doers. (Without losing their flamboyant temperament!)

Because of Inferior Ni

I can only think about shitty Ni grips at the moment but I’ll try to be objective.

Healthy inferior functions. This is a very good post about it. It says that inferior Ni: “May display delusional and grandiose thinking” and “Can turn gloomy when life circumstances don’t go their way”. Well, yes, that’s me. That’s ESFPs. Inferior functions aren’t funny. And because of that, the not-so-funny side of ESFPs relays here.

ESFPs can be pretty gloomy even when healthy. As very emotional types, ESFPs project their dark thoughts about the future on Ni. As I said, they naturally engage with the moment and like to take action, but Ni is that subtle but insistent voice in their head that goes like: you should think about this… and that… and what are we gonna do about this thing? Where are you gonna live in ten years? Who are you gonna name your baby after? 

We refuse to think about the long term but when we are forced to do so because of #adulting ESFPs can take two ways:

Keep refusing thinking long term. Which can lead them to immaturity, dissociation of reality, avoidance and some other mental disorders.

Keep it serious and do it. We will complain about it. We will refuse to talk about what we haven’t made up yet, but we’ll try. 

A healthy ESFP who decides to confront Ni and try to use it becomes more focused, serious and driven. Of course, we will have our mental breakdowns because we aren’t comfortable with it, but that is part of life. 

ESFPs who are private about their lives, who are hesitant and reflective… are struggling with Ni. Because we know we need it. And it makes us feel uneasy because Ni requires depth and details and we prefer to improvise and get-by-doing. Ni also demands using all the time Se don’t wanna “waste”. But it’s not time wasted, it’s invested (although too dilated in time for us to appreciate it). However, when we see our goals reached we appreciate the effort we’ve made. 

TO SUM UP:

How are ESFPs usually defined: dumb, reckless, shallow, overly-sensitive, can’t think in detail, bubbly, too much sociable.

How are ESFPs non-stereotypically: observant, doers, quick-minded, leading to action, perfectionist, efficient.

Well, that was almost 2k words about ESFPs in depth. And I could say much more, but for now, I think it’s enough. 

I invite any underrated or extremely stereotyped MBTI type to do their Edition. Or to make some feedback. 

Hope this was useful and/or revealing for you. 

Thank you! 

[pantsusnifferr]

I’m gonna be hella honest here, 2020 wasn’t the drastic life changing year i had hoped it’ll be.

Now its a tradition, well maybe, not really. Who knows...

Let’s start with the goals which ive accomplished in 2020 yeah?

Have less regrets Live more, experience more, get out of the comfort zone Be hardworking, be brave Work hard for the company Rekindle ties to the ones important to me Start working on my YouTube channel for company Study hard Be more confident, be more social Be a nicer and kinder person

Yes i definitely have had lesser regrets overall, i learnt that listening to that gnawing feeling in my gut is one of the few things that will lead me to get less regrets. Perhaps that’s an indication of something that you really want on the inside. Many times this year i just took a leap of faith and made decisions on the fly, going out of my way many times just to do the things i wanted to do. The me a year ago would never have done any of these things, let alone spend any money or time into such ‘frivolous’ activities.

Lets go through some of the highlights for my accomplished goals.

1. Bought Airshow tickets on impulse and rented camera lenses just because i had a shot i wanna get. 

Ended up getting that money shot and feeling pretty accomplished. It was nice to meet up and connect with fellow aviation enthusiasts and friends from my Air Force days, but i still felt like i didn’t fit in. Oh well, i didn’t regret anything. I set my mind to a thing i thought would be fun and challenging and i did it!

2. Trespassing into the green corridor for an assignment during the circuit breaker 

haha...Definitely isn’t worth the trouble in the end due to shitty unusable footage and total lack of input when it comes to the editing process. BUT STILL, the feeling of walking through thick jungle and jumping over construction barricades and barriers in the middle fo some goddamn forest just to get some footage is an experience nonetheless! Shitty teammates, good thing we managed to pull through and made some friends along the way. Wasn’t worth it, but i didn’t regret the experience one bit.

3. Got into more active activities with an open mind. 

Went to the gym with friends a lot more and tried to lead a healthier lifestyle, cycling, hema classes (more about that in a bit) The me from a couple of years ago would definately never give this idea a shot. Running at least once a week, keeping track of my health, all these made me feel a lot better. I should really get into it more though.

4. Hema classes
. 

Never thought swinging swords around can be that much fun! And i almost didn’t want to show up because i had a sudden surge of social anxiety in the morning before. Glad i powered through that to get to that class that october aternoon. I was mostly on autopilot, depressed and wanting more...but for the last few months of the year, hema classes gave me something to look forward to, and this really changed up my entire outlook then. I suppose having a newfound hobby you never knew you liked changes people for the better.

5. Going out of my way many many times just to help out a friend. Or just to hang out. 

I remember being too lazy to go out and have fun. Too lazy to wanna get up to get something done even with friends. Installing internet access points, cleaning up rooms, setting up laptops etc. Perhaps its the large amount of FOMO i’ve started to develop, or maybe its just me sick of being a sad loney wreck. Who knows, all i know is its a blessing to have friends and i am so glad that they’re willing to give me their time of the day as well.

6. Making videos for work. 

I didn’t HAVE to do this. Autopilot at work is a scary thing, its my own company and i could’ve done so much more... but i didn’t... or rather i couldn’t. I don’t remember what came over me and how i manage to find the willpower to shoot the videos then edit them over a few days. And i have no idea how i managed to actually follow through with it and get the damn thing edited. Not my proudest work, but damn am i proud of myself for actually doing the thing!

7. Keeping at it for school and not giving up.

Statistics, the killer module. Logistics, another killer one. I studied so so hard for it, i thought i was going to fuck it up like how i fucked up my assignments. But I am so so so glad that it paid off. Taking days of work to study is the correct move and i am so glad i had the discilpine to stick with it. Haha discilpline i said, more like letting the panic set in untill i find myself studying as if my life depended on it. But still, an A and a B+ feels really great though. My first A, that’s still something to celebrate for! Thanks for helping, you know who you are!

8. Giving more of a shit for my company

Im a little undecided about whether i should put this under the part about having no regrets. I am happy with the money and growth we’ve got in our company, alongside the many happy customers ive got, I still somehow felt that i have struggled so much and had a lot more anxiety and stress as compared to the previous years. Perhaps i just need to chill. Although i don’t doubt the fact that taking more responsibility does indeed make things less mundane. Appreciate the increase in pay and bonuses though.

9. Spent quality time with family

I used to have this feeling whenever i am around my cousins, these are the people whom i’ve grown up wit,h and who i used to consider really close friends. I just felt that over the years we have just became different people altogether. They’re normies with normal hobbies, living their lives normally and successfully while im just a weird outsider.

Im somewhat glad that we managed to find some common ground in gaming and our talking sessions. Attending their wedding is a weird feeling but im still somewhat glad that a part of them is still the same on the inside. We might not be as close anymore but im still happy that they treasured the times and memories we had just the same as i did. Lets hope i’ll not fuck it up and i’ll need another chance to rekindle this relationship. Still, them being more successful in life and work still gives me this crazy inferioty complex around them.

Talking with my mom has given me a lot of peace of mind. I am so glad that I have a responsible parent and business partner who shares the same values as i do. Makes things a lot less stressful to know that she’s got my back.

10. Became more social

Yep, went out of my comfort zone many times to talk to people and help out when i could! Its always good to do the kind thing and reach out, when i’d just brush it off as someone else’s problem previously. I am really proud of myself for this.

Now for the goals ive failed. Start work on my personal YouTube channel Join the weeb club to find more gamer weeb friends Learn weeb speak Be healthy Learn 2 songs on bass guitar or ukulele Draw at least once a month (I did but they’re not completed art)

Oof, i don’t know perhaps its the lack of time or the lack of effort. Maybe i’ve been putting in so much effort into the other things i don’t have the mental energy to process these. Perhaps i don’t want it bad enough...

Art and drawing in particular has been really bad. I want to be good at drawing so badly but i really just can’t be arsed to practice. Music too.

I think i am definately healtheir than before but i am nowhere near where i should be. Gotta step up!

Now here’s what i wanna do for the next year

Keep healthy, Lose weight! Be even more social! Start work on personal youtube channel Learn ONE SONG on any instrument Draw at least twice in the next year! Live even more, experience more, get out of the comfort zone more! Be hardworking, be brave

[begedil]

Internship Tips & Advice

Alhamdulillah, finally found the time to sit and write. Been a crazy busy, super fun, extremely tiring, definitely rewarding 22-week internship experience for me and now I’m back at school. I’ve actually been wanting to pen this down for the longest time but man, working life is tough. It’s been full throttle since week 3 so alhamdulillah for the 6 days of leave. That being said, I know we all have things so I won’t beat around the bush. Here’s some tips and advice for my friends who already started their internships this semester.

Pre-internship (and it’s first few weeks):

-       Advice #1: Get a planner.

Things are going to get hectic and it’ll be (really) hard to rely solely on memory to know your upcoming events. Personally, I prefer planners with a monthly-view as it provides me with a better gauge of how much work is coming up and how busy I’m gonna be (also because I lack the discipline to fill up a daily/weekly calendar). To avoid getting overwhelmed, I don’t include work meetings in my planner, I only indicate the tasks I need to complete and things I have after work.

-       Advice #2: Work out your time ratio.

Figure out who and what you want to make time for. Yourself, your family, your friends, your hobbies – everything you hope to make time for during internship. Planning is one thing, whether you can do it is another. It’s okay if it changes throughout the internship. Never thought basketball would be one of the things I’d want to make time for but here I am. Use the first few weeks to find the right momentum and slowly work things out from there. You don’t have to figure it all out on the first try. It’s still a mystery to me how parents have the energy to do this whole work-life balance thing.

Throughout internship (the school side of things):

-       Advice #3: Logbook. Logbook. Logbook.

Pretty sure every school differs in their daily submission requirements but for my course (Mechanical Engineering) I have to submit a bi-weekly logbook detailing learning points and answers to specific questions. I didn’t think it would be such a burden but… boy was I wrong. I find it is so dreadful. Not because the questions are hard to answer, but because I keep forgetting to do it and end up trying to type as fast as I can before the Friday deadline. So please, don’t put yourself through what I did and set a reminder or block your calendar to complete it sometime during the week. Have your sticky notes open on your desktop and pen down points throughout the week so you don’t panic like I do when you have 5 hours left to submit it.

-       Advice #4: @ friends who are not on internship

Not gonna lie, the FOMO did kick in a few times. While many of my friends are in school going for lunch together, there I was trying to figure out why my vlookup formula isn’t working. I know the thought that I would not know anyone when I go back to school next semester seems absurd, but it does genuinely scare me sometimes (ESFJ much?). Luckily for me, being part of an adhoc helped make me feel like I’m not completely out of the loop and my (lovely) friends do check up on me or (try to) make dinner/weekend plans. Lunch too (and won’t let me PAY, if you’re reading this - may Allah bless you). So, if you have a friend going on internship next semester, please text them occasionally, I can promise you they’d be extremely grateful to know you still remember them. Advanced note: Expect late replies though, it’s not indicative of how thankful they are in having you check up on them.

Throughout internship (the work side of things):

-       Advice #5: Make full use of all the opportunities they provide employees.

Let me just get one thing out of the way first; Yes, interns are employees as well. In the MNC I work for, there are many sponsored certifications for employees to take up. Hopefully when you see me in school next year I am a certified yellow belt in Lean Six Sigma, insha Allah (if I ever find the time to complete the learning materials that’s been put on hold for 2 weeks now). Start making it a habit to ask questions – get your supervisor to teach you how to navigate a certain platform (to my engineering friends, SAP is more confusing than it sounds) or have them share their personal opinions on how a meeting went. It’s interesting to hear from someone who has been working there a lot longer than you have.

-       Advice #6: Get to know the different working styles you get along with.

Make use of this time to work with as many individuals as you can. You’ll be able to know more about your own tendencies and motivations as well as the working styles that you can (and cannot) click with. (You know those unpleasant group project experiences you’ve had in school? Yeah they happen in the workplace too, with adults.)

-       Advice #7: Be open about your workload.

I am so blessed to have the supervisor that I do. 70% of the good experience I’ve had thus far I owe it all to her. (The other 30% were the friends I made and the company benefits. I mean $30 bowling vouchers for $5? WHAT. A. DEAL.) One thing that has helped facilitate a good working relationship is open communication. Whenever she assigns me a task, I let her know what are the tasks that I currently have on hand (including school tasks such as logbook) and how early she can expect for me to complete the task. This way, my supervisor is constantly updated on my current workload and can better decide if more work should be assigned to me. I know how that may sound crazy (and scary) but really, sometimes with the amount of work they have to handle, supervisors can forget what they have assigned you. Trust me, it’s worse if you tank and end up having a backlog of tasks to complete.  

Throughout internship (the you side of things):

-       Advice #8: Don’t worry about your Zuhr and Asr’ prayers!

I’ve had my fair share of part-time jobs and I know this can be a worry sometimes. So, for anyone who may need the extra reassurance, don’t worry. Let colleagues know early on about having to go for prayers. Alhamdulillah my colleagues were really understanding of it, they even showed me where I could go to pray. My advice to you is to read the situation when you are informing them about having to go for prayers and if they look hesitant, let them know how short it’d probably take you. Most of the time, they are hesitant because they are overestimating the time it takes to pray and they are just worried that your work will be affected or that you won’t be there when they need you.

-       Advice #9: Remember that emails are not an easy feat.  

Another one of the small things I never thought could be so challenging. Being overwhelmed by emails is a real thing and please don’t let it happen to you. People send emails even after midnight (which also reminds me, please DO NOT bring work home unless absolutely and definitely necessary) and the rate that emails come in awaiting your reply, my friend, is a recipe for burn out. I mean people even block their calendars just to clear emails! Don’t try to reply them all in one go. Consider the subject and assess its urgency. Also, another tip, Outlook allows you to @ the one concerned/who needs to take action in your email. Based on my experience, that allows you to get faster replies from the relevant colleagues. May Allah ease your inbox, insha Allah.

-       Advice #10: Don’t limit yourself!

You are not “just” an intern. Really, this self-limiting mindset does more harm than good. If you tell yourself you are just an intern, then you’re likely to be treated as one – being assigned work that full timers do not want to do. I’ve heard so many stories from friends of how they had to overtime because they were overwhelmed with work. Speak up for yourself. It wasn’t easy gaining the trust, but by asking if I could take up a certain task or help out with one that was not originally assigned to me, my supervisors and colleagues very rarely give me admin work and trust me to handle bigger tasks. (Alhamdulillah!)

Be honest with yourself and ask yourself how you want your internship journey to be. This was my first ever internship experience (and quite possibly the only one before I venture out into the working world) so I really wanted to learn as much as I can and prove to myself that I am capable and ready. Hence, I hope that with the tips I shared here, I can help you achieve that too, insha Allah.

[hazard-and-friends]

Month 5

Holy cow, I've had this boy for 5 months! Sometimes it feels like we're just treading water, but then I look back at my posts from the first couple weeks and I'm flabbergasted at how far we've come in so little time.

Anxiety: He has come off the gabapentin, although we still have a backup stock for him (or Penny) in particularly stressful situations. He's still on 50mg of trazodone 2x daily. I'm seeing an increased arousal and more difficulty calming down, and in particular he's backslid considerably on the separation anxiety. I've gone back to crating him when I leave, even if Jo is here, and he's pretty upset for the first couple minutes. That being said, there's also signs that some of this is FOMO, rather than separation anxiety, because he's expecting to go on a walk any time I get ready to leave. Two steps forward, one step back.

Cat: We moved things again yesterday. Now his crate is in a corner (not at the foot of the bed) and Penny's cat tree is at the foot of the bed (not in the corner). Penny has been getting bored and returning to whack-a-dog, and I have been reminded that regular shakeups are good for undersocialized dogs to learn about novelty. So now she has other things to do, and he has to deal with a neutral, new thing. It's also providing them with new ways to get access to each other safely, and it's very funny to see how much Hazard's arousal around Penny is directly related to her doing New Things. He's completely calm when she's on the floor right next to the gate, but out of his mind when she's climbing the cat tree! It gives me hope that some day, even cats doing exciting things near him will be boring, or at least manageable.

Crate: Because the crate moved yesterday we've seen some backsliding here as well. He cried for about 5 minutes after the lights went off last night, and then fell asleep. However, mostly what's happening is he can't always remember that his crate has moved. Yesterday after I did his flea med, he tried to crate himself--by squeezing under the cat tree. It didn't work out super well.

Weight: Down! He and I are going to lose the same percentage so it's a good motivator.

Formal training: Watch continues, and has a cue! Sit continues diversifying, and as part of reactivity work, he's learning a heel cue and an about face cue.

Handling: Slow and steady! Working hard on chin rest and side downs, and very very hard on foot handling. He's getting somewhere! I can pick up his feet several times in a row without him walking off, which is huge progress.

Stranger danger: He met a stranger this week! Admittedly, another skinny white femme person but hey, a stranger. We'll start diversifying strangers this week.

On days I work, we do 2 walks and handling work. On days I have off, we add reactivity work (beyond the walks), levels work, and separation anxiety. I want to add relaxation protocol back in but whoo boy, we might be doing enough already.

[cps-oteric]

Good things I’m experiencing with the stay-at-home orders (because I am focusing on the positive to combat PANIC and DREAD):

1. Home is my happy place and my comfort zone. I don’t ever get FOMO, but I do get FOOPTILFSAHATT (fear of other people thinking I’m lame for staying at home all the time). The mental shift where it’s now admirable to stay home is just a bonus and relieves the pressure on lil ole homebody me.

2. I advocated HARD to get work-from-home “privileges” (even when they were literally governmental orders in black and white — it was still a bit of a struggle to get it all going and fully approved). I fought every people-pleasing, be-seen-and-not-heard bone in my body and decided to speak up on a 500-bazillion-person phone call (with everyone from management to direct staff) when the employer was still making a chunk of us come to the physical office full-time — I jumped in outlining areas where we were putting ourselves and our clients at risk, plus three examples of ways we could pretty much immediately do the same jobs from home and maybe avoid, I don’t know, some number of DEATHS or severe illnesses?? It felt really good to speak up, even knowing I was potentially putting my paycheck (and reputation at my still-new workplace) at risk. And hey, here I am reporting live and well after my cozy, productive, at-home workweek. Worth it.

3. Relatedly, it’s so nice to see the shifts in the field (intertwined fields — social work, health, mental health, criminal justice/CPS systems) that are allowing and even embracing ways a lot of the work CAN be done remotely and much more flexibly. There are challenges and kinks and questions of ethics and privacy and of COURSE the in-person work is important, but really, I hope some amount of this continues to become more of a norm. I worked for years and years at a place that would never entertain the notion of approving any work from home, and then BAM, this crisis hit and I have heard from work friends that they immediately authorized it across the board! So, at the very least, employers will have to be clear that it’s not about remote work being impossible but about them simply not wanting to allow it (which, in some workplaces, is an issue of control and lack of trust — and telling employees they have to “earn” it, while ensuring it remains completely unattainable, which of course only makes staff feel like they’re never good enough for this alleged reward). Now instead of waiting on a bureaucratic policy change next decade or some fairy dust from a magic wand, we are all SHOWING that it’s possible.

4. Same as above but on a societal level. I wish there weren’t a global disaster making us move mountains, but the positive result is that we (societies, governments, communities) can’t pretend certain things are impossible or get hung up forever in the debates about how to do them — we have to just DO them. Jails are de-carcerating, smog is lifting, and I saw a map of one city that turned 75 miles into car-free streets because so many people are walking and biking in places drivers aren’t used to spotting them (driving is way down right now anyway). Suddenly seems like ancient history when it was a struggle to get one bike lane approved on one street or get a handful of people to agree to leave their SUVs at home a bit more often. Still, maybe these are all temporary pandemic measures giving the appearance of social justice and widespread cultural change, but I know it will make a strong argument for the toughest change-makers out there. Again, now that we’ve seen it, they can’t simply say it’s not possible.

5. For my personality, working from home is soooooooo preferable — I’m still doing my job, but what I’m NOT doing is worrying about fixing my resting bitch face at my computer screen to give a cheery smile every time someone walks by, or wasting time in the morning making sure my top matches my skirt and goes with my shoes, or sitting under fluorescent lights in a windowless box for eight hours a day. I...feel...better about where I’m putting my time and energy during the workday.

6. I have shed a bunch of stress I didn’t realize I had about racing from place to place. Maybe this is a holdover of my stress from child welfare, but even with the change to a slower-paced job, I still had to do all these mental calculations all the time about getting from Point A to Point B to Point C, not wanting to arrive TOO early and wanting to squeeze every last drop out of my purpose at each place before moving on to the next...but then inevitably ending up stressing in transit, about traffic or parking or lines or unexpected delays or whatever. Now I can go straight from work to to yoga to therapy ...without even having to plan an outfit change.

7. I’ve been connecting with far-flung family and friends in a much more focused, thoughtful, intentional way then I normally do. Yes, a fair amount of it is pandemic-related and fear-specific (my therapist last week: “If your loved ones have...something...happen to them...have you said everything you want to say?” me: “Oh fuck NO oh shit”) (cue scrambling to get in every meaningful conversation with everyone EVER)... but there has really been a solid amount of meaningful, peaceful, grounded, sweet, fun, light-hearted, genuine reconnecting with people. Right now I have daily and weekly contact with people I’ve often gone months without seeing. Last night, back to back, I had a couple really simple but meaningful bonding sessions that I hope will carry over to becoming something of a norm — are you sensing a theme in this list? — in whatever our “normal” life becomes from here.

[maya-of-lesbos]

Hey so I was watching this video essay on spoilers and the patterns of storytelling by Quadro Em Branco and the narrator gives a really neat and easy to understand critique of the culture surrounding spoilers in capitalism and media analysis. Since the video is in portuguese with no subs but I thought it was pretty interesting, I’ve transcribed and translated that part of the video here. If that sounds like something you’d want to read: 

“ I have my issues with the current ‘spoiler culture’. If you are some sort of content creator you probably know even better how this has impregnated our media consumption, but in any area of the social sphere we can see this happening: “give spoiler warnings” “don’t tell me what happens” “I don’t want to know anything about it”.

Personally I’ve always been the kind of person who wants to know what happens, I ended up watching more things for knowing how they ended than by not knowing. But what I always found bizarre was the totally subjective selectivity around what a spoiler is.

It’s funny how telling any micro-thing that happens in the plot of a film is a total crime, but everyone accepts without qualms the little packet of 1 to 2 minutes of spoilers that is the trailer. Really. A trailer is nothing more than a compilation of spoilers minimally selected to tell you enough of what happens for you to want to watch it but not enough for you to not want to watch it. How efficient this method is, well, it’s totally subjective. What is a trailer which gives “too much” if the role of the trailer is exactly that: telling us things that we don’t need to know to watch the film. 

Now, theoretically we would never need to know anything but it would be silly of us to think the industry cares about that. There is a well thought out project behind this culture. By creating the widespread idea that you can tell a little but never the ‘essential’, the industry traps us in a sort of scooby-doo episode, where as much instigating information as possible will be on what people are saying but everyone will still have to go all the way to the end to find out what really happens. The end here of course being paying to go to the cinema, or to stay hours in streaming services waiting for the conclusion of a series. You are only part of the clique of interesting people if you know about the thing no one can talk about, in an alienating system of consumption that is very literal and not at all constructive for a culture that is in every sense, collective. [sidenote, this relates to the marketing technique of FOMO]

Because, in general, many things are still acceptable. The genre, for example, rarely is an issue. If the film is horror, cool you can say it’s horror, but obviously discussing what makes that film horror is not as interesting as finding out what the monster in the end of the film is. And that part we wouldn’t even be able to talk about anyway, because talking about the end of the film is a spoiler. That in turn creates a norm of recommendatory reviews of media, that basically ground themselves in a tangential manner to the subject of the film, and recommend as if it were a theme park or a grilled beef what is and isn’t worth consuming. And still, people would probably have more to talk about the damn beef.

“It’s worth watching” “it has a lot of social commentary” “a lot of philosophy” These observations are so lacking in objectivity that they are worth nothing in the end, but through what little subjectivity they have – like for example it being a horror film with a lot of social commentary – should be more important than who-killed-who. These details by themselves are nothing if not spoilers: knowing what sort of film that is, is already more than knowing nothing. 

In the end we always circle back to the affirmation: “Either everything is a spoiler, or nothing is a spoiler”, nothing in between makes sense and still we’ll see attempts of justifications for where we can draw the line that separates a spoiler from a non-spoiler. Justifications which are completely subjective. The word [spoiler], by itself, means nothing but still it will prompt a series of comments complaining that you talked about the film, in a video about the film. 

Oh, but it’s because I said who dies, and should’ve stopped at the fact that people die, and the film has people, so you never know... That way I would not “ruin anyone’s experience”. You have no idea how much I loathe this expression. My friends, if knowing the end of a film automatically invalidates the experience of watching it then I have to tell you: that film is simply not good. Or at least very limited. 

Cinema, or literature, or comics are not forms of media that limit themselves to what is happening, the how is important. Not the ‘thing’ but how that thing is presented; feelings that I would risk saying are unique to each individual. I will hate it when this seeps into music and people start saying “don’t tell me at which minute starts the guitar solo, don’t give me album spoilers”. 

We should watch and read more like we listen to music. Because for every person who’s someone who doesn’t even watch the trailer and doesn’t want any information because anything can affect their experience, ok that’s an individual decision of yours and I agree that yes it does affect it but then, anything that happens during your day, your cultural baggage, everything affects that experience. If you almost got in a car crash on your way to the cinema, a car chase in the film might be a lot more intense for you. Damn traffic giving spoilers. That is, of course, a joke but my point is exactly how alienating this bubble of protection surrounding spoilers is. It alienates the audience and it alienates the social function that art should have as something transformative. 

Of course it's still silly to spoil anything just for the sake of spoiling it, but that is not what I’m trying to incentivise here. I am trying to increase the range of possibilities when talking about media, plus the understanding that any conversation about it does not reduce, but increases that range of possibilities. It is constructive to talk about a film, regardless of if you watched it or not. And if with the intention to build a line of thought, root an idea, a spoiler slips then you can’t even say it really slipped, it’s there with another function and when you do watch it you’ll still experience it through your eyes and the other countless influences coming from everywhere around you. “

[misstenletters]

my fomo tour experience!

hi, i attended the first show of the PRETTYMUCH FOMO tour (Irving, Texas at the Pavilion at Toyota music Factory) and this is my experience.

i would first like to say that i’m blessed to have the extra funds to buy last minute m&g

so check in was at 2:30 and i got to the venue at 2:12 - if you’re buying like early entry or m&g, you just need their confirmation email and their i.d.

check in was cool, but it was waiting in the heat - heat that feels like 103 degrees - was where i was slowly losing my mind so i paid $5.14 for a huge bottle of fiji water so that i won’t die.

when you check in (for the m&g) you’ll get two wristbands (one green, one red - the red is a regular paper on), the autographed poster, and the vip lanyard 

yes, zion is flipping the middle finger and yes they censored it.

so they let us in at 4:30 - security asked for bags unzipped, phones out, keys out so that the process is streamlined. security took my gift bag here soooo yeah. 

MEET AND GREET TIME (what mostly everyone hated because of the experience)

honestly m&g was definitely rushed because it started at 5 and doors open at 6 (fun fact: management changed the time like two days ago)

so this is where we learned not to engage with the boys (yes some fans did but security told us that management said not to) and to take off our bags and lanyards

so when i “met” the boys - TO BE COMPLETELY HONEST - i distinctly remember edwin saying hey, brandon saying hey, me asking if brandon and austin could switch, and zaustin telling me they’re not allowed to kiss me on my cheeks because of management (i’m pretty sure nick said something but i can’t remember it because it was so quick and my thought process was zaustin tbh)

pit starts filling up yada yada

KENZIE - her set is 15 minutes after the showtime and she performs for 30 minutes - my only complaint is that bass was hurting my ears, then i started feeling it in my chest then i lowkey wanted to leave because i genuinely didn’t feel good

intermission yada yada

THE BOYS

before i continue, i just ts wanna let y’all know their set started at 8:30, ended at 9:30 so yes it’s an hour long

i also wanna let y’all know it’s divided into “phases” and there’s four of them

setlist: 

phase 1: recruitment lying, 4u, rock with you,  phase 2: ????  jello (or) 10k hours (according to the official setlist, it’s genuinely an either or but the or is silent),blind phase 3: remission (the voice is gonna ask about love lmfao) one shot mixed into eyes off you (listen the way it’s mixed goes OFF), temporary heart (remixed), basement version of gone 2 long after gone 2 long, they’re gonna do a dance break/freestyle - edwin: would you mind, nick: no more, zaustin: healthy (mind you: they’re all mixed versions, like wym is just the beat basically, no more is montana’s verse, healthy is pitched down like a mf) solita, voicemail interlude?, real friends, merch throw (a shirt and a hoodie) teacher phase 4: are you ready (fomo recovery) on my way, phases. encore is a remixed version of open arms

my opinions: the boys have really strengthened their breath control, their confidence in their vocals, the stamina, their stage presence, the crowd interaction, the dancing…a great concert experience 10/10 like literally forgot my feet were hurting

the boys hyping each other up is so damn cute!

austin’s vocals have gotten so much STRONGER!!!! A LEO KING!!! like the note changes, runs i- i’m so proud of him. nick!!! sir!!! why were you constantly singing in my direction 👁 👁 i will swerve so damn fast if he found me attractive literally edwin’s best outfit ever, he looked so damn good.  i’ve said every inappropriate thought about zion but him taking his shirt off was so iconic and legendary i appreciate brandon so much more and i’m so glad he wasn’t wearing anything long sleeved or the vests or the construction hats

i genuinely had a great time and if you can go to fomo, go! please! i promise you you will have an amazing time! if you have any questions, don’t be scared to message me!