#I was cracking up writing this

[avampyone]

Prompt #4: The Wingman

Characters: Seiro Malkavi, Haurchefant Greystone, Hemlocke

Synopsis: Even drunk off his arse, Hemlocke attempts to provide helpful advice to his friend.

Setting: Coerthas, Camp Dragonhead.

Warning for adult situations and suggestive themes.

-----------------------

The clash of steel against steel rang out whenever the curved edge of a worn-down scythe hit against shield blow by blow in perfect succession. With a deep grunt leaving him, Seiro whirled the long rod of the scythe around like it weighed nothing at all, flinging himself into the air with his long black scaly tail waving behind him, leaving the soft chime of the trinkets that adorned such in its wake.

His eyes blazed with a heated excitement, grinning wildly, “Try to dodge this!” As surely as he sought to bring down the blade upon his opponent from the air, the shining sword lifted upward to meet him once against with the momentum flinging him back easily. He agilely landed on the ground of the command room with a heavy huff, causing the nearby tables and chairs to rattle as he did so, all due in part to the fall.

His chest rose and fell wildly to his breathes, chest straining against the thick black leather straps that bound him when he lifted his two-toned eyes to the man he’d been clashing with. After sheathing his sword, Haurchefant made no hesitation to come join him with a few steady claps of his hands and lovely blue eyes that shared the same excitement as he, “You never cease to amaze me, Seiro. Long have I wished to cross blades with you. Our styles as different as they are match perfectly with one another, no?” He was intent on holding the gaze, but Seiro’s own eventually broke away to the sight of Hemlocke sitting nearby at a table alone with a mug between in his slender hands.

The smirk on Hemlocke’s features was much like that of a cheshire cat and crimson eyes glittered mischievously when he stared at the pair of them. Seiro fought hard to keep a reticent expression, giving small incline of his head in gratitude towards Haurchefant even if he dares not to fully look his way, “It was an honor to do so. Your movements hold a graceful elegance I have not seen in many moons from another warrior.” With that, he spun on his heels to turn away back to join Hemlocke in the drinking festivities, but found a gloved hand grasping at his own to stop him, “Will you not join me in my chambers tonight? It can get very cold by oneself. I can make a cup of hot chocolate for the both of us.”

The sudden touch caught Seiro entirely off guard when he paused in his step in time to catch himself from stumbling. The Xaela could hardly register a thought for a few moments before he found himself bumbling a series of small nods, his rough hand curling to squeeze lightly, “Yes- the night is still young. Why not...before sleep, yes...? Right...I should go and check on my companions before this.” Every word spoken with a gruff awkward note before he let go, looking all but ready to rush back to the table before Haurchefant headed off looking positively satisfied.

With a heavy swallow back and looking much like he may be sick, Seiro took a heavy seat beside Hemlocke and skipped his mug entirely to go straight away to take a few long gulps back from a fresh bottle of ale nearest to him. The hunter’s tail twitched in agitation behind him. Meanwhile, Hemlocke took no time at all to nudge his friend meaningfully with an elbow and the smug smirk still plastered to his features, “Well, well~ I daresay there is going to be a lot more shared tonight than a cup of hot chocolate.”

“H-hey! Keep it down. I think- We head north tonight. Right now, even, we gather our companions and go north…”

Slender brows furrowing together, Hemlocke’s mouth parted in shock to hear Seiro’s sudden request to leave, “What?!...Are you really going to leave him there waiting without a word? Come now, there is no reason to be so nervous. Unless…are you a virgin?” The dark haired elezen gave him a once over in pure disbelief in this when Seiro looked aghast and like he might smack Hemlocke at any moment to the question. The liquid in the bottle of ale was disappearing at a steadily rapid pace, “No, of course not! It has been a long time though… And we are so vastly different from one another.” He kept his deep tone in a whisper, “Should I… walk in and tell him I wish to lie together?”

“Are you serious, Seiro? You need to, you know…build up the tension a little before you get to that. Look here, love~” Amidst his chuckles, Hemlocke’s words were a little slurred no doubt feeling the affects of the many drinks he had had. It did not stop him from bringing a hand to the buttons of his own shirt to undo one by one at the top and trace his fingertips along the length of his neck to the bare hint of his chest shown with a teasing slowness.

His ruby eyes grew half lidded gleaming at their depths with a mixture of pure heat and mischief, framed by thick black lashes with an enticing smile painted across his full lips, “’Oh my dear, Ser Haurchefant, let us skip the hot chocolate and jump right back into talk of our blades crossing again ~…’” His voice changed to a low and deep timbre of a rumble that eerily matched the hunter’s own. With a waggle to his brows, Hemlocke burst out into a fit of laughter after all the seriousness and began to slouch over on the table.

Thinking only of his current dilemma, Seiro blinked a little and peered down with his thick fingers feeling at his neck a little with a soft grunt of uneasiness, “…But I wear no shirt. How should I do this…? Do I move my hand like this?” His fingers curled in a bit to grip tightly at his own neck, giving off more of an appearance of choking himself while he rapidly batted his eyelashes at Hemlocke in his attempt to look appealing, “Hahahah! Well, admittedly, I have heard some are into that...you know what. Never mind you that. Let us focus on the basics. You should at least show off some of the goods~”

“Absolutely not!” As much as he weakly tried to swat his clumsy hands away, it didn’t keep Hemlocke from reaching over to adjust the tightly fitted straps a little to make the appearance of Seiro’s muscular pecs underneath to bulge a little more at the top, “Now, there you are. Run along and have a lovely night, my friend. Tis…very well deserved. I think I may…rest my head here just a moment…”

Leaning forward with his arms curling about the mug, Hemlocke laid his head down to rest and not moments later that he appeared all but lost to the grips of a deep sleep. Seiro made sure that he had a blanket nearby to drape before he hoisted himself up to his feet, attempting to grip at his own neck again, “Thank you, friend...so, like this? It seems easy enough...”

[choccy-milky]

sometimes you gotta lure your overly-studious ravenclaw gf into spending time with you 🥰 📚 ( from 'Every Teardrop is a Waterfall' by Kat_12739 on ao3, GO READ IT!!! the first story is about seb falling sick and still pushing himself/not admitting he's sick until he ends up in the hospital, the second story is about the birth of seb and clora's daughter and seb's reaction to clora almost dying in childbirth, and the third is about dealing with a fussy newborn lewis😭���THEY'RE SO GOOD AND SWEET AND SOMEWHAT SAD (not to mention beautifully written) so go check it out!!💖💖 )

[abyssal-ilk]

no more romance. romance is canceled. tell me about your warden/hawke/inquisitor's best friend and any info you want to add about their dynamic 🖐

[quirkedupkicks]

save me tododeku 3rd yr AUs..... save me.... (this whole thing came from a single panel gag, bet you can guess which one)

[aftg-random-fun]

Imagine Andrew going on jeopardy and answering a question, but the announcer says that’s incorrect and then Andrew goes, “actually you’re incorrect” then cites the information with where to find it. The announcer pausing in disbelief as the crew look into what Andrew said then someone sheepishly coming on to say Andrew was correct. Of course they kept it in the episode they air.

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Get Souped!

[sleepynegress]

*record scratch*

"I bet you're wondering how I got here, when last you saw, I was watching the sunset at a crab-boil in Louisiana with my family..."

[devilfic]

I've seen some comic panels touching on this and I just love the idea of bruce being a little stalker and you having to make peace with it.

you leave for work and then come back five minutes later because you forgot where you left your wallet and then you get a text from bruce that says “bathroom counter upstairs” because he just happened to be watching the tower's camera feed at the time.

or having to take a longer way home because a road has been closed off and getting a call from bruce because he noticed you taking turns you don’t usually take to get back to the tower. he stays on the phone with you until you get back home, even though you know he's on patrol right now because you can hear the wind on the other end.

god forbid you head out somewhere late at night without telling him first. he won't ask questions, he'll just follow you from a safe distance until he's ready to make himself known. when you (reasonably) yell at him about it, he apologizes (very insincerely) and asks what you're up to.

bruce has spent years perfecting the craft of stealth and on top of that, he is a worrywart. he's not the type to fawn over your every move right in front of you. he just... pays attention. watches. plans accordingly. if you are a loved one of bruce's, you are never truly out of sight. take that how you will, he's not gonna change

[littleplantfreak]

Silly/Clumsy WB boys HCs

I see hcs like this and theyre always fun/make me laugh o(｀ω´ )o

Sakura’s food went down the wrong pipe at a restaurant and when the waiter asked if it was because it was too spicy, he insisted through coughing and tears that that definitely wasn’t the case (he could tell they didnt believe him though)

Tsugeura sometimes lets one rip by accident when he’s exercising. Not even a little fart either, the kind that stops everyone from what they’re doing.

One time Nirei stubbed his toe so hard, he fell and grabbed onto the nearest object. Unfortunately that was the back of Sakura’s pants, making him accidentally moon a few people in class.

Word recall is hard sometimes. So when Choji calls an ambulance a ‘hospital truck’ really what can you do? At least he’s using words. Sometimes he just mimes the shape or action of the thing and insists that you know what he’s talking about. Will draw a picture if he gets frustrated enough, but if it’s something intangible? Well it’s a guessing word game. (Togame is the best at it, but Inugami is on Choji’s wavelength enough that he’s pretty accurate too)

Hiragi calls the first years by the wrong name sometimes, like a mom with too many kids. He’ll yell and say Sugishita when he means Sakura, but he does apologize before yelling again.

Because he’s around older guys a lot, Togame sometime uses really old words or sayings. You haven’t hear the saying “It’s raining cats and dogs” or he’s “bleeding like a stuck pig” in years until you’re stuck under an awning during a passing storm or he comes back from a rough fight, nose still bleeding profusely. Also keeps bag balm/cetaphil, some other really good lotion for calluses and dry skin and just kinda slaps it on whatever shishitoren member he sees who’s hands are cracking, saying that the skin won’t heal as well when they’re older so they better take care of it now.

Umemiya’s got the worst habit of losing, dropping, or sitting on his glasses. He doesn’t realize it until he hears the snap and he’s got them taped up until he can go get them fixed again.

Kaji’s kind of a messy eater. Especially with ice cream or food with sauce on it. Started to get better with checking his face after eating after Hiragi slapped a wet wipe on his face after he devoured a rack of ribs, leaving him looking like he’d cannibalized someone

[minty364]

DPXDC Prompt #105

Danny knew he wasn’t from this dimension. He wasn’t sure how he knew but it was something that he felt deep in his core that was true. Something’s just didn’t feel right sometimes and it also felt like the things that were happening were off or wrong somehow. His parents on his 15th birthday came out to tell him that he was adopted and that just cemented the feeling that he wasn’t from here. He goes to Ghost Writers library to look for anything that could help him and he finds a summoning request, basically you can request that someone summons you as long as you’ve got a vague idea of who it is. Danny asks to be summoned by his birth father.

Pick anyone from DC to be his dad but ima go with Batman for this example just because it’s Bruce LMAO. Batman suddenly gets a piece of paper that requests him summon the Ghost King and while everyone is terrified about what such an entity want’s especially since it’s Batman. Everyone is further confused when a teen gets summoned and looks around the room at all the superheroes in awe.

[klanced]

when adam met 11yo keith he immediately knew that keith was gay and was like i have GOT to support this kid!! (runs into traffic) meanwhile shiro spent years operating under the assumption that keith had like a gender thing going on

[choccy-milky]

im finally playing HL again after only playing it once when it first came out, and thanks to mods (especially @silverxstardust's clothing mod) i finally made clora how i like her...LOOK AT HER.....my baby angel darling👼💖💖

seriously tho playing the game again after all this time (especially now that im playing as CLORA clora, and not just clora that was a random chara i made) is so different, but its also taking me back so much🥹😭💖

[thevoidstaredback]

Phantom's Coffee

Enough Caffeine to Kill an Elephant Side Story

There is a lot that comes with being a ghost. Most of that is really cool superpowers. The unfortunate side effect with the whole being dead thing is that he doesn't have need for human functions or sustenance.

It had been a horrible thing to discover, really. The lack of constant need for sleep and food and drink was sometimes useful, but that came with the realization that nothing affected him.

At first, Danny and his team thought it was because he was dead. No blood flow, no working organs, no metabolism. This lead to a lot of experimentation. Drugs and alcohol had no effect, neither did poisons. He didn't get sick anymore, no matter what he did!

And then he realized that coffee didn't work.

Naturally distraught, Danny went straight to Frostbite to figure out what was going on. It's finals season, damnit! Coffee was gonna be the one thing to pull him through his studies!

"From what I can tell," the yeti explained, "your human functions have stopped. Quite the opposite, really."

Danny blinked. "But, I'm dead. Ghosts don't have working organs or stuff like that."

"Indeed, but you're only half dead."

"What difference does that make?"

Why did Frostbite now have charts, and where did they come from? "I can only guess, but when you died and brought back, the electricity jump started everything in your body. It essentially supercharged you. I can only assume that it'll die down in time to the point of non-function, but we can't know for sure."

"Wait," Danny's voice was nervous, "What does that mean?"

Frostbite took a minute to think over his words, looking for how to phrase what he wanted to say. "When you are alive, your heart beats slower than it did before your death, yes?"

"Yeah."

"That would be the effects of the ectoplasm that reanimated you. Your heart rate is slower, breathing takes a more conscious effort, your blood flow is slower, your organs are all working at half of what they used to." He took another moment of pause. "When you are dead, your heart beats faster than it did, breathing is faster, blood flow is faster, your organs are working at twice capacity."

Danny's breathing, now that he was very aware of it, picked up. "What- But that- What?!"

"With a high enough voltage, electricity kills. With a high enough concentration, ectoplasm reanimates."

"Reani- but I'm alive!"

"Indeed."

"But that doesn't make sense!"

"Doesn't it?"

"No!"

"Perhaps I should try a different phrasing." Frostbite said. "When you are Danny Fenton, you are more dead than alive in the sense that your body has been killed and not fully revived. When you are Danny Phantom, you are more alive than dead in the sense that your body was revived and not fully killed."

Danny was quiet for a moment. "Reanimated and revived aren't interchangeable, Frostbite."

"In some contexts', no. In others, they are."

"Are they here?"

A beat. "Yes."

Danny knew he was lying, but he didn't call him out on it. That was a crisis for another day, thank you very much.

So, higher metabolism for Danny Phantom, lower one for Danny Fenton. Great.

All crises pushed aside to freak out about never later, Danny's ew mission was to find out exactly how much caffeine would be required to give him the buzz of wakefulness that he was searching for.

Normally, the course of action would to be to measure how much e weighs and look up the maximum caffeine intake his body could handle. It was the first thing he tried, and it failed.

By the tried and true method of 'Fuck It, We Ball', Danny learned that he needs to have 35,000 milligrams of caffeine in a single sitting before any effect takes hold when he's drinking as Phantom.

The calculations running at a 5:1 ratio, caffeine milligrams to weight pounds, the lowest end on the scale of average weight of a small female elephant (3,175 kilos), multiplied by five gives him the 15,875 milligrams that would be enough to give him a low buzz and keep him awake for a few hours. That's enough to kill the elephants on the low end of the scale.

(Jazz vetoed any kind of caffeine that wasn't naturally occuring in chocolate when he's Danny Fenton. She said that he's already died once and that he doesn't need heart problems to kill him.)

(Danny calls bull, but he isn't willing to risk his sister's ire.)

Because he can't let finals get the best of him, Danny decided to take it a step further.

The highest end of the scale for the average weight of female elephants is 4,050 kilos, multiplied by the same five, gives 20,250 milligrams of caffeine.

Essentially, the lower end of the scale would give him the same effect as 99 (and a bit) 473 milliliter cans of Rockstar Energy Drinks in one sitting. The higher end of the scale would be 126 (and a bit) 473 milliliter cans of Rockstar Energy Drinks in one sitting.

All that was left to do, now that he has the maths for the desired effect figured out, was to mix that in his favorite drink: A Red Eye.

Truly an abomination for the ages.

After way too much brain power, Phantom's completed coffee order looks like this:

A large Red Eye with 20,250 mg of caffeine

2 tablespoons of cinnamon

1 tablespoon of honey

1/8 cup of chocolate syrup

and 3 mint leaves or 1 teaspoon of mint extract

(he added 4 shots of vodka when he turned 21)

Danny is gonna kick his finals' ass, and be hyped up on caffeine while doing it!

Storyboard

[walmart-miku]

ok people we gotta stop making mori the source of all evil with soukoku. Yes mori is evil about how he treated yosano and a lot of the pm members but that's a whole other can of worms.

Anyways with skk MORI WOULD NOT TRY TO GET IN THEIR WAY IN FACT HE WOULD ENCOURAGE THEIR ASSES TO GET TOGETHER THIS PANEL EXISTS FOR A REASON.

MORI SHIPS THEM SO BAD ITS ABSOLUTELY HILARIOUS.

Fics need to stop making this dude try to prevent skk from dating. I want a crack fic where mori is just like "Hey how was ur day do u like to kiss guys?" To both dazai and chuuya. I want mori shenanigans where he's actively trying so hard to set them up and Elise is sitting in a corner with kouyou and they're hard core judging him.

[sleepy-steve]

🧠🪱 Wiggly Wednesday Thursday 🧠 🪱

thank you for tagging me @stervrucht 🖤

no pressure tags: @frankenstein-ate-my-left-shoe @stevesbipanic and of course anyone else that would like to ♡

thinking about Steve and Eddie who, after going through rounds of physical therapy after everything, continue to work out together because Steve obviously loves it and loves having a friend to work out with. and Eddie notices the difference in his stamina when he gets back to performing on stage. (and if Eddie likes to watch Steve work out a little bit, and likes Steve coming over to help his form more than a little bit, well that’s his business.) but Steve takes a dance class and shakes up his usual warmup, leaving Eddie with some… thoughts.

***

“Okay, Munson,” Steve says, pulling his arm across his body for a shoulder stretch. “You ready?”

“Ready to be tortured? Always,” Eddie jokes. It was their thing. Eddie acts like he hates being there, but he still shows up every other day to their local gym in Indianapolis. And he won’t ever deny the benefits he’s noticed since starting their exercise regime. He's faster on stage, doesn't get winded near as easily, holding those screaming notes without feeling like his lungs will explode. Little did he know that today his joke would come to be true.

Steve liked most kinds of exercise. He was a sporty guy. He liked the pull and stretch of his muscles, the feeling of accomplishment after achieving a new goal, that delicious soreness the day after a really good workout. But mostly he loved trying new things. He’d give anything half a chance if he thought it might be fun. Which is how he ended up at a dance-aerobics class the week prior, finding himself having a lot of fun, blushing furiously when the women in the class complimented how quickly he picks up the steps.

He went back three more times that week. Part of his enjoyment came from the new warmup he was taught in the class. Steve’s usual warmup consisted of basic stretches and a light jog, covering all bases to ensure he didn’t get injured, but not very exciting.

This, however, was far more enjoyable. Steve found himself sinking deep into stretches he didn't know he had flexibility for, and moving his hips to a beat, ultimately just having way more fun with the warmup. And it was about to become a huge problem for Eddie.

Steve pops his headphones over his ears, the tape deck tucked securely in his shorts pocket. He bends over, inhaling deeply as the song starts, rising up with his hands overhead, exhaling as he rolls his wrists, hips moving side to side with the beat. His already short cropped t-shirt rises, showing off a good amount of his chest. He lets his arms come down, bending over again, feeling the pull in his hamstrings. Gripping his elbows, he lets the top half of his body hang, swinging from side to side, his hamstrings fully stretched out.

Eddie looks up from his own basic stretching, shocked to see Steve fully bent over, because hey, since when was he so flexible? With Metallica blaring through his own headphones, Eddie just stares, completely forgetting where he was at in his warmup.

Steve lets his hands drop, moving to one foot, back to the centre, then the other foot. Ass just up in the air, his shorts way too tight. Eddie swallows. He’d been denying his crush for months at this point, and good god this was not helping.

Rolling his shoulders as he stands up, Steve lets his hands travel down his bare thighs, sinking into a squat with his back arched and head tilted back. Eddie's eyes are wide as he watches those tight little shorts with the little cut-ins on the sides ride up, showing far more of Steve's glorious hairy thighs than Eddie can handle. Steve drops his head forward, hunching his shoulders as he moves back to standing. He repeats the motions, and Eddie wishes he had the strength to pull his stare away from Steve's ass.

Seeing Steve's head tilted back and his back arched is sending Eddie insane. Like, he geninely thinks he might evaporate on the spot if he keeps watching. But he just can't look away.

Turning himself sideways, Steve has one foot stepped out in front of the other, legs perfectly straightened into a triangle shape, bent over his front leg. Just when Eddie thinks he’s about to get up and end his suffering, Steve lowers himself down into a lunge. His little shorts definitely way too small and tight for the movement, Steve lunges back and forth, fingertips resting on the ground on either side of his front foot. Eddie watches as the t-shirt rides up with each lunge, the desire to get his lips and tongue all over Steve's chest overwhelming him.

Shaking himself, Eddie tries to remember which shoulder stretch he was up to. He attempts something close to a stretch, but he can’t be sure he's doing it right, because Steve has lowered himself to the ground, front leg bent and back leg perfectly straight, and is fucking thrusting into the ground. If he were to ask Steve, he’d find out this was a hip flexor stretch. But Eddie’s forgotten how to form words entirely, suddenly imagining nineteen different ways he wants to get dicked down by the man before him.

Eddie suffers in silence, heart racing in his chest, watching as Steve repeats the movements on his other side. He prays that the torture ends soon, that they can just get to the workout, and Eddie can go back to pretending he doesn't want to ride Steve until his thighs give out. But Eddie gets no such luck.

Steve has moved into some kind of triangle position, hands on the ground, legs straight, and of fucking course, his ass in the air. Eddie marvels at how straight the shape is, only for a moment, because then Steve is lifting his heels up and down in turn, and jesus christ those tiny little shorts are just riding up, and Eddie can see a hint of Steve's ass peeking out. His jaw drops. He may actually explode.

Just when Eddie's thinking he can't take much more of this, Steve lowers himself down, knees spread wide, arms stretched out in front of him and head tucked down. A wild and rushed series of thoughts fly across Eddie's mind, all centred around Steve kneeling down in front of him. Eddie needs to get it together quickly.

As Steve brings himself back up to the triangle position, walking his feet to meet his hands and rolling his spine up, shoulders and head rolling back last, he sees Eddie taking off for his warmup jog. Assuming that he probably just took too long with his new warmup, Steve shrugs it off and starts his jog shortly after.

Eddie hits his personal best in several weights that day, desperately trying to expend his excess energy in some way. He barely registers the wins, mind still stuck on Steve and his perfect ass in all those new positions. He almost dissolves on the spot when Steve claps him on the shoulder in congratuations.

At the end of their session, Eddie takes a freezing cold shower and prays for the sweet release of death.

[glucosegaurdian]

I want this twink obliterated.