#I was brainwashed into understanding volleyball

[cactusjuiceisquenchy]

Furadate furthering his “yeah I used cute anime boys to shamelessly promote volleyball what are u going to do about it?” Agenda

[haejjoon]

I just finished Royal and I've been really enjoying the swap au, and your take on the characters!

You said you had lots of thoughts about Yusuke too? 👀

WE REALLY ARE TAKING TURNS WITH CHARACTER ANALYSIS i should just make it a tag at this point. ykw im gonna do that.

okay, onto yusuke:

I adore him. completely and utterly. he’s my favorite boy apart from akeshu and for WILDLY obvious reasons: he’s fun, SUCH a character, and his story arc feels whimsy but not so out there that it feels unrealistic. adding onto the fact that i’m an artist myself, gunning to go pro, and he’s so relatable it hurts. straps yusuke onto the operating table let’s do this

1) his struggles relating to madarame

one thing that i’ll say right off the bat is that i HATE how the pts approached him. its nonsensical. even if ryuji and ann aren’t the sharpest tools in the shed how the hell did they think that approaching a stranger and saying “YOU’RE BEING ABUSED WE CAN HELP YOU FIGHT YOUR ABUSER” was going to turn out well in any way possible?? the writing suffers from something similar during ryuji’s run with akiren to question the volleyball team members. ryuji and ann, as dull as they may be, are abuse victims themselves; surely they’d understand why abuse victims would be hesitant to say anything? especially when a stranger gets all up in your face about it.

but apart from that: i love how yusuke dealt with all of it. i’m not saying that him becoming defensive over madarame was a good thing, but in terms of realism, it just Makes Sense. children raised by abusive guardians often aren’t aware how they’re taken advantage of, and when they’re as isolated from society as yusuke is, their obvious first instinct is to defend those who raised them. it’s like rapunzel about mother gothel from disney’s tangled. of course yusuke defended madarame’s ‘love’; he never knew what love was.

it isn’t even only that. yusuke and madarame are both branded as very traditionally japanese, from how they speak to how they dress. it’s even shown in their primary art medium—traditional painting and japanese oil work. i’m not japanese, but i am korean, and if there’s anything i’ve learned while growing up in a traditional asian household: it’s very suffocating. the filial piety you learn from high school history class isn’t just a far-off tradition in the old ages, it’s EXTREMELY prevalent even today. i can’t even count the amount of times i was put down or chastised for simply speaking out of turn, and that was with my parents trying to adapt to the american standards of respect.

in this context, it makes even more sense for yusuke to defend madarame so vehemently. it’s literally been ingrained into him growing up. the entire “parents are right, children are wrong” mentality is SO strong with the Growing Up Asian experience, and that’s coming from a korean-american. i can’t even imagine the kind of shit yusuke’s had to go through.

and it’s with all that that i find it so cathartic and admirable that yusuke finally managed to recognize madarame for the shitbag he is. genuinely, the amount of brainwashing he’d been forced through should have made it impossible for him to fight back, but my boy did it—and in the most stylish way possible, might i add!!! he stuck it to madarame and finally recognized his own worth. that’s incredible. i’m so proud of him.

but what makes all that even BETTER is his CONFIDANT STORY, and OH MY GOD I’M NEVER SHUTTING UP ABOUT HOW AMAZING IT IS MOVING ON TO POINT TWO

2. HIS CONFIDANT STORY OHHHH MY GOD

one of the biggest opinions ive heard about yusuke’s confidant story is that it doesn’t make sense or that it’s in his own head. SLAMS ATTORNEY DESK. OBJECTION YOUR HONOR ITS TIME FOR THE CROSS EXAMINATION

of COURSE it’s all in his own head. his confidant begins after madarame’s arrested and he finally, finally gets to be his own person and live on his own. the physical threat is gone!! but one of the most amazing things about his story arc is the depiction that childhood trauma never truly goes away. madarame being gone for good doesn’t automatically mean that yusuke’s mentally safe and sound. in fact, it fucks with him even more that he’s free—he doesn’t know how to live on his own, or how to make art for himself.

he’s literally lived his entire life for someone else; how can you expect him to suddenly go out and do whatever he wants? until this point in time, yusuke’s wants didn’t matter. he didn’t matter. the only important thing to him was pumping out art for madarame to display at his next show JUST TO SURVIVE. to EAT. i’m gonna get into his whole thing with eating in a second but i’m just putting that out there: it’s all in his own head because it has to be. he has to grow mentally in order for him to to do anything.

with that point out of the way: yusuke doesn’t forgive madarame for what he’s done, especially with his mother, but he also just has no idea what to feel about him in general? there’s two clashing images: one, of the teacher who (in yusuke’s view) loved and raised him, and one, of the monster who let his mother die in cold blood to get his hands on her personal artwork. and you might say “oh well yusuke’s being delusional again because madarame never truly loved him.” no. it isn’t delusion. it’s how yusuke’s been raised. he didn’t recognize madarame’s abuse because he never registered it as abuse. he was never taught that it was abuse. unlike shiho and ann who knew that what kamoshida was doing was wrong, yusuke never had anyone to tell him that madarame was taking advantage of him.

yusuke didn’t have anyone.

throughout his confidant story, he agonizes over his purpose for creating art at all—it makes sense, as his only purpose thus far was to put food on the table and to avoid verbal abuse from his father figure. yes, he said that his only purpose for creating art in the past was because he wished to put beauty in the world like his mother did with sayuri, but is that really all there was to it? i don’t think so. yusuke created art to survive, and coped with it by staring at his “sensei”’s magnum opus and telling himself that he was creating things for the sake of creation, not to give in to his survivalist instinct. it was a coping mechanism. i’ll live and die by this.

and this is also why he crumbles so much over that art director coming to him to monetize his work. he’s now aware that what he was striving for in the past was fake. he wants to truly pursue that goal again, to create something beautiful just for the sake of creating, but now he’s been thrust into the real world—one of capitalism, one where corruption thrives. the pure art he wants to make just doesn’t exist here. it never did. and that realization destroys him.

now if you Didn’t Know, i’m also an artist. i’m literally the same age as yusuke is (if not a little older), and that truth hurts. the fact that i have to make art in order to feed and clothe and keep myself warm hurts. there’s nothing i’d like better than to just make things i want to make, but i can’t, not in this world. his struggle is so realistic, and it rings so deep. every time i experience his story it always leaves me feeling bittersweet.

but then!!! at the end of his story!!!! he comes to a very important realization.

all of that’s okay.

it’s okay to profit off of your work. it’s okay to make things other people like. it doesn’t make you any less of a person to seek compensation for your work. it’s doesn’t make you any less of a human to seek praise for the amazing things you create. it’s okay.

and to the non-artists out there who might not understand why this is such a groundbreaking revelation: artists are constantly being put down in this capitalistic society. art is literally everywhere you look—it’s in the buildings you occupy, in the subways you ride, in the words you read, in the shows you consume. art is one of the cornerstones for what makes humans human, and those who create such beautiful things are never given credit.

just look at the ai discourse happening recently. look at how artists are treated when they stress about having art stolen or watermarks erased. to people like us, our creations are proof of us being alive. it’s our living mark on the world, one that will remain (physically or digitally) long after we ourselves pass away. but we’re constantly, constantly told that “it’s not that deep”, “you’re being selfish”, yadda yadda yadda. we’re shit on simply because we want to survive in this hellish fucking world. and that builds up.

so many aspiring artists out there give up too soon because of this. because art isn’t profitable, because we have to survive, because no one appreciates what you do no matter how beautiful it is or how much work you put in.

but then, persona 5 finally turned around, and told an entire generation of aspiring artists that their work was important. you are important. it’s okay to profit off of what you do.

that’s fucking incredible. it’s also a really, REALLY low bar, but it’s something. yusuke coming to the realization that creating art for himself is okay, whether it be for monetization or praise, was so cathartic to me. i’m sure other artists feel the same way.

his story arc is a fucking fantastic depiction of how much artists suffer, no matter what medium or era.

…….. and then people turn around and shit on it because they don’t understand its intricacies. as expected.

sigh.

3. the theme of going hungry

throughout the entirety of the game, yusuke’s depicted as the quintessential ‘starving artist’. he’s always hungry, and never knows how to budget his money, and that shit’s hilarious but also really, really fucking sad.

i remember reading a fantastic yusuke study on ao3 a couple years back—forgot who the author was, but it’s called “the emperor”—and it said something along the lines of this: “you have to eat in order to starve.”

like.

oh my GOD.

and it plays in so terrifically with the experience of creating art, as well. you have to eat in order to starve; you have to taste in order to crave. you have to experience praise in order to want it more. i’ve gone through dry spells where no one saw what i made, and it only made me go hungry for that appreciation again—and then i get it, just a little taste of it. i keep making content. i keep on going and going and going just to get the smallest bit of acknowledgement.

for those who’ve ever gone hungry before: would you be able to turn down a feast, if offered? would you be able to pace yourself, or would you inhale it quick as you can? if you’ve ever eaten a large meal after being hungry for a day or two, you’d know that it would immediately come back to bite you in the ass. you’d stop eating for a bit, you’d get hungry again, and then you’d scarf down another gigantic meal, rinse and repeat.

the correct choice here is to moderate yourself. take it slow. eat enough to be full, and pace yourself so that you won’t have to go horribly hungry to eat again.

yusuke, starved for appreciation, suddenly finds himself with the offer of his life. he’ll be sponsored by one of the most influential art directors in all of japan. he’ll be successful; he’ll have a scholarship, he’ll never, ever have to go hungry again—

and then he turns it down.

because this entire time, the hunger allegory was about success. you get the opportunity of a lifetime, and you invest everything you have into it—you eat and you eat and you eat until you can’t anymore, and then you find that that the satisfaction of finally feeling full has long since gone, and now you’re hungry again. you’re still a nobody. no one remembers your one-off success.

yusuke refuses the incredible offer, and decides to build his success slowly. he won’t take it all in stride. he’ll pace himself until he doesn’t have to be starving to eat.

that’s FUCKING brilliant.

i have so much more to say about yusuke than just this—how i feel about him (being, in my opinion, incredibly autistic-coded) as an artist with adhd, how his behavior is treated by the phantom thieves, how he plays into the phantom thieves as the sole creative mind of the group—but if i get into all that i’ll literally be typing on my ipad forever. i’ve already been sitting here for thirty minutes instead of finishing up chapter 5 of ex machina. oh god i love yusuke so much.

if you somehow came across this gigantic character dissection on your tl, hey hello hi, i also write stories! currently working on a swap au in my spare time, you might’ve heard of it. ex machina by hhaeyeun on ao3. check it out <3

thanks for the opportunity anon i’m So Sorry to have filled your inbox with this absolute beefcake of a reply. have a lovely day <3

[toranoya]

Ichinose nodded. “Nor I, but I understand it. I imagine all the friends I choose will be a challenge, Master. They wouldn’t be as interesting to you if they were not.” Ichi pointed out as he held the struggling volleyballer as best as he could.

“Fuck you.” Nishinoya said as he kept on struggling and kicking, breaking through a few more tries of Dartz to brainwash him. Seeing the fog, he held his breath, still thinking this was to be a drug like thing that affected judgement. He’d heard of such things, people using drugs to turn their victims into obedient zombies.

Still, as Dartz thought, he couldn’t go forever without oxygen and eventually was breathing the stuff and held firmly by the serpents as he relaxed. “…calm…” Nishi repeated as his strength seemed to leave him as he stayed cradled in the arms of the magical serpents, his legs conveniently spread for Dartz’ viewing pleasure.

[@angelus-tenebrae

Dartz and soccer

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[yandere-sins]

Could I ask you for some general yandere headcanons for your three top favorite Haikyuu characters? Please and thank you!

*Cracks knuckles*

Alright, sit down and listen kids, Ivy’s going to tell you something wild now. (Thanks for asking, I love talking about it atm ;-;)

»»———————— ♡ ————————««       

The Miya Twins

♡  First of all, yes, both of them, at the same time. I love them equally, and they are my reason to read HQ!! in the first place. Honestly, their yandere idea is entirely inspired by the idea of the lovely @shorkbrian from the yandere discord server, but I am writing this idea right now, and I love it so much, I will forever hold on to it, don’t fight me

♡  They are together at all times, except if one of them goes to fetch groceries. They just like sitting around and watching you quietly. You are so amazing, so perfect, the way you read, or draw, or watch TV. They just don’t want to disturb you, but you are unnerved, of course, of their eyes always on you. They are predators, but god, can they wait for you. Stalking is half of the fun, right? If you come to them, they’ll hug and coo all over you, and four hands are praising and giving you affection, also four arms, four eyes, and two mouths, you are so damn lucky. Tough luck, however, with trying to play them against each other as they will never let that happen. No matter what they are doing, it’s a communal thing. Everyone sleeps, eats, brushes their teeth together. Punishments and love are spread equally over all participants, and there is no such thing as favoritism, the twin who gets too much attention eventually pushing you into the other’s lap for his turn

♡  Atsumu naturally is the bolder twin, and he likes going in to touch you, hug you, and tell you he loves you, and the longer he has to sit and restrain himself, the more he gets antsy. Full on, tapping his fingers, swaying back and forth nervously, as if you were a drug, he just has to consume. Only Osamu can hold his brother back, or he’d be all over you forever, keeping you in his lap as he lets you read to him, play with you, wrestle you and make out with you all the time. However, he’s also the one who gets pouty quickly, throws temper tantrums, and has violent outbursts if ignored for too long. Not consoling Atsumu also means you get on the bad side with his brother, and it’s up to you if you want the two brothers to fight or not, worsening your situation by the second since you are the one who will have to endure all that comes from arguments

♡  Osamu is much more comfortable to have around and a good watchdog for his brother. He cooks for you, buys the things you ask him for, and even if he gets a hug, he cuts it short, so you don’t get uncomfortable. But oh boy, do you not want to be on his wrong side. You simply don’t want to be ignored by him, or all hell will break loose. You can’t count on Atsumu taking care of you, who’d rather cuddle all day than feed you, and Osamu has more than once broken down the bathroom door after you refused to come out. He grew out of violence, but being ignored by him is like a death sentence. That time where he’s upset is also very cold since he pays the bills and lays in front of you at night. You don’t want to be pushed on his lap after Atsumu is done with you when he’s in a bad mood, or you will be treated worse than a doormat

Akaashi

♡  When you first meet Akaashi, he’s so pleasant and affable; it’s like a dream come true. He’s always helping, knows how to handle Bokuto’s mood swings, he seems just generally like a good guy, and there’s no reason not to hang out with him. That is until you suddenly realize that he’s been manipulating you all this time, making you lose contact with other people and isolate you, up to the point where you wonder if you actually ever knew him at all. While he seems to make significant upgrades in his life, you feel stuck the moment you moved in with him, and no one is believing you when you tell them that Akaashi must have completely brainwashed you. Sounds a little weird, don’t you agree? Maybe you agree, perhaps everyone is right, and you need help. Good that you have such a reliable boyfriend- oh ups, husband at your side. When did you marry again?

♡  Life is really, truly good. He supports you. He takes you out on dates still. You two consider expanding your household. Your family just shook their heads about your concern, but even now, you just don’t feel right, as if you went somewhere entirely wrong with your choices. And yet, when he grabs your hand over the dining table, telling you you look as beautiful as the day he met you, your heart melts. Surely, it’s not Akaashi’s fault. He loves you so much, after all. Enough to make sure that the unfortunate person that was in love with you and conveyed their feelings to your - back then - best friend Akaashi, never got the chance to take you away from him

Aone

♡  Having Aone lock onto you wasn’t planned, but you sure felt like he was a hero when he saved you from some dark figures on your way home. He didn’t say much, but he escorted you home, and you felt terrible, making him walk all the way back to his own home, so the next day, you made it all worse by buying him lunch. Poor, sweet Aone, he confused your politeness for interest in him, pondering all day about what to do to make sure you’d understand the feelings he had for you in return. It wasn’t an accident that he walked by when you were approached by someone shady. It also isn’t when he accompanies you home the next day. Or the day after, despite you not knowing he’s there. He’s so damn tall, and yet you still manage to miss him, and it frustrates him, as your attention should be on him, right? But he’s too awkward to come out with it straight

♡  He doesn’t like your friends, and he doesn’t like you being so distant all the time. You may laugh as he approaches you about these concerns he has, but you regret that laugh the next time you wake up in an unfamiliar room, only Aone being by your side. He’s wringing his hands nervously, and you think you see pearls of sweat on his forehead. Though the moment you wake up, he jumps to a stand and dashes off, leaving you behind, chained by your foot. If you don’t appreciate his worries and how much he cares about you, then you shouldn’t be out and running wild. Aone doesn’t want his heart to be broken, even if that means he has to break your will first. And that he can do, volleyball taught him as much

[ilikekidsshows]

Where did you get the idea that the Pearls "forgave" Pink at the end of Volleyball? They acknowledged that she was a complicated person who had both good and bad traits, but that's not the same as forgiveness. They accepted that paradox and reconciled the conflicting visions of Pink, allowing them to move on. It was a revelation centered on themselves and their own relationship to the past. Not forgiveness, acceptance. The final stage of grief - and *not* grief about Pink's passing.

Because when you accept a person, faults and all, that's the same as forgiving them for their past actions. In fact, you even use words related to forgiveness to describe the episode; "acceptance", "reconciliation" and "moving on" are literally parts of the forgiveness process. And forgiveness is an internal process that has very little to do with the target of those feelings, so the events of 'Volleyball' being about the Pearls' feelings doesn't make what happens any less of a forgiveness process. I'd argue that makes it even more so, because there's no social obligation to accept what Pink Diamond did, because she's dead. Instead, the Pearls decide to let go, because the past didn't matter at that point. Forgiveness isn't any more complex than: "It's over, it's done, it doesn't matter anymore."

Pearl has never grieved Rose's treatment of her or their relationship, because she has never realized something is wrong. Because the writers think their relationship was "lady and her handmaiden" (just a tragically one-sided one), there is seemingly nothing for her to overcome. As far as Pearl herself sees it, there is nothing for Pearl to forgive, as she said in 'Mr. Greg', when she told Greg that her struggle was always about the fact that her love wasn't returned. It was not that Rose had her as a slave, because the writers don't realize that's what Pearl was. They thought she was simply an overly-loyal handmaiden.

To Pearl, 'Volleyball' was about her finding out something awful about someone she was in love with for a long time in a way she considered healthy and empowering ("She made me feel like I was everything"), and then accepting that Pink was different before they met, but that she changed for the better and that her memory of Rose doesn't have to be threatened by what happened to Pink Pearl. She could carry on as usual afterwards.

Pink Pearl, meanwhile, got to see the "better" Pink Diamond in Pearl's memory, allowing her to move on from how she was treated. She accepted it and could think of Pink Diamond with fondness afterwards, because Pink Diamond became a better person afterwards. Pink Pearl could see Pink Diamond as more than her mistreatment. That's literally what forgiveness is.

So, yeah, I misspoke slightly. Only Pink Pearl forgave Pink Diamond. As far as Pearl was concerned, there was nothing to forgive to begin with. Because, as far as the writers are concerned, Rose Quartz has always treated Pearl right, because the writers don't view their relationship as owner and slave, despite the fact that the Pearls are depicted as far more disenfranchised and brainwashed than the other Gems, who also had barely any rights in their society. Even other Gems can own a Pearl, as far as Eyeball’s ravings let us understand. They're the slavest of slaves.

[suganovakawa]

𝐒𝐀𝐔𝐃𝐀𝐃𝐄 .

PAIRINGS : tooru oikawa x fem! reader , slight hajime iwaizumi x fem! reader

GENRE : angst , romance

WARNINGS : cursing , car accident , recovery from amnesia

SYNOPSIS : tooru doesn’t understand how special you are to him until he comes close to losing you forever . as he struggles to comes to grips with his feelings and balance it with his future , you still have to recover from your own injuries , but without your memories to assist you .

𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓 𝐄𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓 < [ 𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓 𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐄 ] > 𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓 𝐓𝐄𝐍

he knows what could happen if you remember. he’ll do anything to prevent that.

word count : 1.6k

saudade masterlist .

SAUDADE

( 𝐧 . ) a nostalgic longing to be near again to something or someone that is distant , or that has been loved and then lost ; “ the love that remains ”

⠀whatever iwaizumi was thinking, he certainly had no logic. honestly, he probably would've been better off just not telling you a thing about oikawa. after all, he should've known from the start it's in human nature to want to push past restrictions forced upon them. and as much as it pained him, he knew he had messed up bad, his anger getting the best of his common sense and regretting it a day later.

⠀he knew you were curious about your boyfriend.

⠀rather, the boyfriend you didn't even know you had.

⠀from the very beginning, hajime could see it in your eyes - the natural attraction your body held as you and oikawa first exchanged short glances towards each other in class. volleyball had taught him to be quite the observer, and you made no effort in being subtle. unfortunately for iwa, oikawa noticed your innocent curiosity as well.

⠀he was afraid to ask you more about what you remember. it was different from the first day you had woken up from your coma, you were completely out of it so your muddled brain couldn't have remembered nor recollected much. now that you were spending regular time at school, just like normal, your memories might have just resurfaced sporadically. as far as hajime knew, you remembered everything, just pretending like you're still suffering from memory loss.

⠀but he knew you weren't like that. you wouldn't do that to him.

⠀you two weren't best friends before the accident, basically just friendly acquaintances who shared the same pain in trying to make the aoba johsai volleyball captain learn how to stop and take a damn breather. you had made it quite obvious in the past that you were an admirer of oikawa's, much to hajime's dismay - but he suppressed such feelings, in fear he'd be seen as too selfish.

⠀and he paid the price by seeing you happy in oikawa's arms.

⠀maybe iwaizumi was biased, but tooru really was more on the shitty side when it came to being a boyfriend. he had asked his peer countless times why he had accepted your feelings when he knew he didn't have time for a relationship; and every single time, hajime would get the exact same answer:

⠀"she made me happy at the winter tournaments, i'm only returning the sentiments."

⠀does causing your car accident count as making you happy?

⠀seeing how determined tooru was to get close to you again, pissed hajime off. what was there to be pissed off about, though? if this was a game, iwaizumi was winning. oikawa lost everything, from his reputation to his girlfriend. hajime was on his way to making you happier than tooru ever could. there was no competition here - he had this hook, line, and sinker.

⠀at least, he should have it in the sinker.

⠀a part of him knew, deep down, he was always default to second place. even without your memories, you still had your conscience, that internal voice in the back of your head that still held its senses. and if your conscience was stupid enough to adore oikawa even after everything he's done to you, how could the ace possibly fight against it? you could've died. and it would've been oikawa's harsh words as the true perpetrator.

⠀he wanted to prove a point to himself, you, and oikawa. that he was worth it. that you shouldn't have to waste your time with a scumbag who took your adoration and admiration for granted. the entire team knew that tooru wasn't the type to put anything over volleyball, and he displayed that when it came to your guys' relationship. while the captain was deserving of any praise he received that was volleyball related, hajime knew that it was unfair for you to be neglected because he spends so much time and energy on it.

⠀"hajime? are you listening to me?"

⠀he turned his head towards you, your words shaking him out of his daze. he blinked a couple of times and sat up, turning his head so his attention was fully on you. "sorry, y/n. a bit tired today. what do you need?"

⠀"huh? i don't need anything." you shook your head. "i was telling you that makki and mattsun were inviting me to go out with them today, just out to eat so they can also fill me in on random things, and to talk a little more. i said yes because they seem nice enough, and you seem to trust them, so i didn't have a reason to say no. i just wanted to tell you because i'm not going to be walking home, so you don't need to take me today."

⠀hajime's heart dropped to the abyss in his stomach.

⠀you were going to what?

⠀he knew exactly what those two were planning on telling you, and he was not having any of it. panic bubbled and almost erupted out in the open, but he saved himself with a deep breath and a plastic smile, nodding his head slowly. "right, i trust them... yeah. you have fun with that." you appeared happy with what he said, giving him a quick hug before walking off. he waited for you to turn the corner before walking off on his own, his jaw clenched and his destination set.

⠀"iwaizumi, where's - " hanamaki was grabbed by the tie as the brunet glared at his former teammate, his eyes anything but nice. "what are you doing? let me go. i'm supposed to be meeting - "

⠀"i know what you're fucking doing," he spat, his grip around makki's uniform only tightening. "this isn't just some random meeting. y/n asked you for this meet up, didn't she? she wants to know stuff, and figured you two would willingly comply." he laughed, more of a mocking volume. "and what do you know, she was right."

⠀"iwaizumi, let me go." the male with pink hued hair snapped more sternly the second time around; hajime hesitated for a few moments before reluctantly releasing his grip on his fellow third year, who pressed his lips together as he fixed his uniform hastily. "you got us," he muttered, his eyes finding iwa's. "she came to us during lunch and kept asking us. you were already on your way back to the table so we simply told her we'd tell her after school. that's all."

⠀"that's all, my fucking ass." pointing an index finger in takahiro's face, hajime shook his head. "you better not tell her about oikawa. she's much better off without that piece of shit in her life."

⠀"but she has a right to know."

⠀iwaizumi's face paled, taking a step back as makki crossed his arms. holy shit, he was serious. he and makki were going to tell you everything. "she's a big girl, iwaizumi. she wants to remember her life before the car accident. i can't imagine what she's going through, having her memories blacked out like that. i know if i was her, i'd want to know every single detail." makki's eyes narrowed. "including the memories that could hurt me."

⠀hajime's hands clenched into fists as he shook his head again in protest, sticking his foot out to prevent the other from walking forward. "over my dead body will i let you do that. the last thing she needs is a reminder of the nightmare he put her through. you won't tell her a fucking word about it."

⠀"or are you just scared you'll lose her to oikawa again?"

⠀just that question was a punch to the stomach as hanamaki observed iwaizumi's reaction. a corner of his lips protruded upwards as he stared at the other male in the hallway, the truth so horribly obvious. "doesn't take an idiot to see how set you are in making y/n fall for you. using her amnesia to your advantage to brainwash her into forgetting oikawa and becoming her new boyfriend... i was on your side at first, iwa. now? you're being just as shitty as he is."

⠀"don't you fucking compare me to him. i'm not like him, and i will never treat her like shit."

⠀"maybe not like shit, but she's certainly more like a prize than an actual person in your eyes."

⠀takahiro watched the frustration boil to hajime's face, taking a deep breath and walking around him before he could be stopped again. "if you excuse me, you made me late. i'm sure y/n will - " he grunted as a sharp pain grabbed hold of his wrist, his eyes widening slightly as hajime seethed at him, jaw clenched and face glowing angrily.

⠀"i said, you're not telling her anything."

⠀"who's going to stop me?"

⠀iwaizumi's smile was anything but pleasant as he pointing towards the school entrance. "mattsun and y/n are waiting for us, right? we shouldn't leave them waiting for too long."

⠀makki's breath hitched in his throat at the realization and cursed to himself quietly, shaking his head as he had no choice but to pull hajime along with him. "your logic is fucked up. y/n is nothing but a trophy for you to show off."

⠀"y/n means more to me than what you could ever hope to understand. keep walking, bastard."

⠀"hajime? what are you doing here?" your face revealed genuine surprise as he had appeared right beside hanamaki, releasing his iron grip on his wrist before exiting aoba johsai. "i thought you were walking home?"

⠀he could see the silent exchange of glances going on between the other two, and he could tell by matsukawa's quiet but exasperated sigh that he understood what was going on. iwaizumi pretended to not notice, however, as he moved to stand next to you. he saw the confusion flickering within your irises, how they were averted towards the ground instead of looking at him. if only he could tell you how important you were to him and why he was acting this way for your own good, maybe you'd understand his side better.

⠀"i figured since i was hungry, i'd join you guys. after all, we all trust each other enough to discuss anything, right?"

a / n : second post today! promised it would come out soon 🥳 ALSO, THANK YOU SM FOR 900 FOLLOWERS !!! it truly means the world to me that you all decide to stick around my profile, i promise i’ll do the best i can to provide content worthy of your attention 🥺❤️

taglist ( closed ) — @ot127 @rena0921 @karlitabi-rrito @psychicpercyjacksonfan @crescentbitch @amelimiles @damnirina @pasta-warlord @blossomingbangtan @clinomanians @i-am-kinda-in-alot-of-fandoms@manq-fandoms @cirtruss @sugar-wara @haikoo @anime-simp @kairostatue @awkwardspontaneity @iwantapoptartqwq @aquariarose @softestdreamer @plantisnotplant @avylee @froppysgirl @that-animebitch @wisepandaslimeland @samanthaa-leanne @dumplingzumispam@0hakaashi @captain-janeway @afterglowkuroo @bellabelieveme @attixca @chickenrest@tycrackculture @ynjimenez @karaseijoh @lavieenblancetnoir @dabilove27 @cuddlesslut @crypto-s @keigosbitch@readeretal @shittykawaa @donghyuckster @adriloen @ella-solei @emiyummy @kukiisan @catyuyuyuu @sillykittt @dolan-mendes @kiritokunuwu @the-third-wall @yammerss @monviemoo

[lyssismagical]

you were never mine

I’m a bad student somebody stop me

AKA I wrote this on my phone during a zoom call for class, so it’s not the best and it’s kinda messy but here we are anyway

TW: abusive parent, violence, blood

another piece of a shameless au i’ll write one day

There’s an ear-splitting noise that sounds a lot like glass shattering, and Abbie flinches, tucking herself closer against the wall, one arm wrapped around a sibling, more by her feet. 

Their mom showing up, out of the blue, was protocol for what started out as a decent weekend. Harley ushered them all off, passing Bentley off to Abbie, as soon as he’d smelled the alcohol and weed on her. 

From Harley’s bedroom, they could hear everything that was happening downstairs, words mostly muffled but emotions just as clear as day. 

Bentley’s on her lap, Jonah and Dayton on either side of her, Aspen sitting on the other end of the bed, and Sebastian is on Aspen’s other side. 

Harley’s room smells like him. Like gunpowder, leather, cheap soap, and strawberry milkshakes from the diner. It makes them all feel safe, knowing Harley’s out there protecting them, keeping them safe, always. 

Downstairs, muffled and distant, Harley’s shouting, “They’re not your kids, Macy. They were never your kids!”

And Macy sounds like she’s crying, and Abbie can picture exactly what she looks like in that moment. Desperate and scared and angry, hair wild and eyes tired, reaching out to try to comfort Harley like he was ever her son. 

She’s always been pretty, in that hardened Tennessee way. Auburn hair, long but always tied back, skin clear and tan, eyes a dark honey-brown, hands calloused and angles sharp. 

Most of the Keeners have a lot of those same features. Especially the oldest, the ones that were Dad’s and Mom’s, not just one or the other. The younger they get, the farther apart they look. 

Bentley, the youngest, is Dad’s, not Mom’s, and she barely looks like family. She’s lighter and softer than any of the other Keeners, blue-eyed and a blonde tuft of hair, porcelain skin with softer edges. 

“Why is he yelling at her?” Dayton asks. He’s so young, only eight-years-old and he’s facing all this pain and suffering at the hands of the people who were meant to love him unconditionally. He barely knows Mom, doesn’t know who his dad is. He doesn’t understand why things happened the way they did, doesn’t get why Harley’s so pissed at Mom, doesn’t understand why he can’t have clothes that aren’t hand-me-downs. 

And Abbie just shushes him because she can’t begin to explain why. 

“They’re my babies! You can’t keep them from me! I’m their mom!” Macy’s shouting downstairs. There’s more glass shattering and Abbie pulls Bentley closer when she hears the telltale sound of skin on skin. 

“What if I did let you see them?” Harley demands, voice trembling and an octave higher. “Would you hit Aspen too? Would you attack Dayton? Would you scream at Abbie? Would you make their lives hell?” 

She can’t make out what Macy says in response to that, but she can guess it’s nothing but lies and grasping for pity. 

“I wanna see her,” Jonah says, blinking up at Abbie. “Why can’t I see her?” 

“Macy isn’t a good person.” She’s pissed, shaking with the fiery anger that’s flooding through her, and she hates that this it what she’s forced to do. Hates that Harley has to take the brunt of everything. 

There’s a future for them, she thinks, as she looks around at her siblings. There’s a future there. 

Harley’s set it all up for them, made sure they’ll be ready to get out of Rose Hill one day. He’s going to get them all through school, going to send them off to live their lives, far and wide, doing anything they wish to do. 

Abbie’s going to go to New York. She’s going to get a full ride to Harvard, she’s going to be lawyer, she’s going to be successful and live on the coast. She’s going to be the first Keener to graduate high school, the first to go to college, the first to have a real job, the first to make it out of Rose Hill with a future, the first to be be above the poverty line, the first to make it to nineteen without an unplanned pregnancy. 

And the rest of them will follow. Aspen, Sebastian, Dayton, Jonah, Bentley, and whichever children will be dumped on them from Mom or Dad or a stranger claiming to have Dad’s child. 

All of them but Harley. 

Harley will be tied to them until the day the youngest Keener gets out of Rose Hill. Even if they’re lucky enough to be done with Bentley, Harley will be stuck here until he’s thirty-five, never have graduated high school. 

“I’ve given up everything for them!” Harley cries, loud enough for them to hear, clear and heartbreaking all the same. “You’ve done nothing but take and take and take, and I’ve had to fill in every gap. I’ve been their mom, their dad, their brother, their sole caretaker, their breadwinner, their chaperone, their everything. And you’ve been nothing. You’ve done nothing for them. The best thing you ever did to those kids was leave them.” 

And it hurts like Abbie’s been shot, clinging to her brothers, bleeding out on Harley’s bedspread, dying unable to make a sound. 

“I want a second chance. Just let me have the littlest one, Bentley, let me take her and have a second chance at being a mother!” 

“You can’t just show up and take your fucking pick!” Harley shouts, a sob caught in his throat. “You weren’t here, Macy! You weren’t here to change their diapers or help with math homework or go to their sports games. I was here! This is about what I did!” 

Macy goes to say something, but it goes unheard under Harley’s tearfully loud voice. 

“I was here! I was always here when you weren’t! And you know what? I did a fucking good job,” Harley says, shouting and crying and desperate. “Abbie’s captain of the volleyball team and junior class president! Aspen’s got a perfect GPA! Sebastian’s captain of the debate team, he volunteers at the animal shelter on the weekends! Dayton made a solar system for science and got an A plus! Jonah’s running now, he’s talking in full sentences, he’s fully potty trained, and he’s starting kindergarten next fall. Bentley, she’s an angel. Her first word was Harley. I was here! Where the fuck were you?” 

“I’m here now, Harley,” Macy says, almost too quiet for the kids to hear upstairs. “I deserve to see my children.” 

“They don’t even know who you are!” Harley shouts and there’s more glass breaking. 

Macy’s voice drops lower. “I’m their mother.” 

“You were my mother too!” 

“Please, Harley,” Macy begs. “I just want to see my children.” 

But Harley’s never given up that easily, he’s never let anything come between him and his family. “No. Just get out. I’m not letting you see them. I’m not going to let you brainwash them” 

It goes quiet after that, save for a few muffled noises every now and again. 

“Is he okay? Do you think she- Do you think she killed him?” 

Abbie hits Sebastian on the arm. “Don’t say something like that, you’ll scare the little ones.”

“I’m serious. Are you sure he’s going to be okay?” 

“When has Harley not been okay, Bas?” 

It’s not the truth, Harley’s been far from okay for a very long time. And normally, encounters with Macy ends pretty badly for him. 

But there’s nothing they can do. Harley’s strictest rule is that when he tells them to hide, they can’t come out until Harley comes to get them. If Abbie leaves, that leaves Aspen, fourteen years old, to protect them. 

Abbie’s job is to stay here, protect the littlest one if, for some reason, Macy comes after them. 

It only takes about an hour for Harley to get up to them, shouldering the door open. 

He’s bruised and bloody and limping, but he’s somehow got a wide smile on his face. “Macy has officially left the building.” 

“What the fuck did she do to you?” 

Abbie’s up and over in a second, passing Bentley off to Bas, and grabbing his chin to get a better look at him. It looks like he broke his nose, blood smeared on his upper lip, right eye swollen nearly shut, one arm cradled against his ribs, fingers splayed on his chest. His lip is split open, jaw bruised, glass still clinging to his shirt. 

“It’s fine. She’s gone, she’s not coming back for a while. We’re safe and sound. How do we feel about mac and cheese for dinner?” 

There’s not much they can say otherwise, watching Harley grin, teeth stained with blood, and nodding to the door. 

It’s not like Harley would listen to any of them anyway. He loves them too much to let them talk him out of keeping them safe. 

Taglist:  @littlemissagrafina  @fancyxparker  @romeoandjulietyouwish @c-artara @shadedrose01 @likeaphoenix13 @misskirkstark @you-get-killed-walk-it-off @kitkatwinchester  @emo-girl10  @hold-our-destiny @imalivebecauseirondad @spiderman-peterman @dykeragee @maryserrao @heeeyitskay @parknerandirondad @lilacsandlilies4 @loveliestdisappointment @joyful-soul-collector @genderfluid-and-confuzled @fallenstar07 @gyurolls @sdottkrames {Lemme know if you wanna be added or removed}

buy me a coffee 

[cinnamon-roll-seth]

Secret || Sarah Cameron x Maybank!Reader

Request: can u do a sarah one were the reader is a jj’s sister and kiaras best friend but she’s secretly dating sarah and then kiara and the pogues all find out and jj’s ok with it after understanding and u can do whatever with kie 😊

“God I could stay here forever,” You moan, digging your face into Sarah’s hair as the two of you cuddle on her large bed.

“I wish you never had to leave,” She agrees. You two had been dating for four months now and while neither of you were ashamed of the other you’d mutually agreed to keep it quiet for awhile.

“JJ gets home in an hour and he’s expecting me to be home. I can’t have Kiara cover for me again, she’s starting to get suspicious.” You loved your brother dearly but he was protective, especially since he’d practically been serving as your father figure for years. Your best friend Kiara had been covering for you a lot since you and Sarah had gotten together but she was starting to ask questions and you were afraid of how she would react if she knew the truth. Her and Sarah didn’t have the best relationship.

“Yeah Rafe will be home from golfing soon and if he spots you it’ll be hell on earth. No offense.” She apologizes at the end and you shrug. You didn’t blame her for her brother’s hatred for the pogues, especially your own brother.

“None taken. If any of my friends knew where I was right now they’d probably call me a kook sympathizer. Or a helpless victim,” You smirk while she slaps your shoulder playfully.

“They wouldn’t call you a victim if they heard how you were moaning my name twenty minutes ago.”

“No they’d just think I’d been brainwashed. The big bad Sarah Cameron got into my head and made me fall in love with her, oh no, the world is going to end.”

“Hey I’ll admit to that one. Now I get you all to myself,” She leans in and plants a sweet watermelon flavored kiss on your lips.

“I could do that all day,” You smile when you pull away but then frown, “But unfortunately I have to leave.”

“So soon?” She pouts as you stand up and start gathering your things.

“Babe believe me. If I didn’t have to go I wouldn’t be. I’ll be back at 9AM on Saturday, JJ’s working another double.” You lean down and give her another kiss and when you pull away she reaches over on her dresser to grab the expensive diamond bracelet that she always wore. It was practically pocket change to her but you’d have to save up for at least a year to be able to afford it.

“Will you wear it?” She asks, pleading up at you with her big brown eyes that you could never resist.

“I wouldn’t want to loose it,” You reply but sigh when she pouts, “If I loose this it’s on you.” You warn, slipping the expensive jewelry over your wrist.

She shrugs, “My dad gave it to me to make up for marrying Rose back before I was able to tolerate her. Do you have any idea how many ‘makeup’ gifts he’s gotten me?”

“I have an idea. I have nothing to give you of mine though.”

“Oh don’t worry. I already took my little souvenir,” She winks as she lifts up her shirt to reveal your lacy red bra covering her chest.

“Sarah Cameron you sneaky little shit,” You smirk as she laughs and pulls her shirt back down.

“I guess you’ll have to leave the girls out.”

“Yeah well me and the girls need to leave. I guess I’ll just have to take this.” You grab one of her sweatshirts off the chair next to her dresser and pull it over your head.

“Oh so my plan failed. Well if you insist. Text me later?” You nod and the two of you kiss one last time before you climb out her window and make the way towards your house.

Sometime along the way you get a text from Kie telling you everyone is meeting up at John B’s so you change your direction, walking towards the chateau. Eventually you start to get hot and, deciding that nobody is around to see your braless chest, pull off the hoodie and tie it around your waist.

When you receive another message stating that JJ is pissed and demanding to know where you are you start to speed up until you’re walking up the front steps of the house, completely forgetting to put the hoodie back on. Not that it matters, all the guys have seen you shirtless at some point anyway (it’s a long story).

You step inside the porch, immediately seeing your brother’s angry face staring back at you, “Where the hell have you been all day?”

“I- um-“ You look back at Kie to silently ask what excuse she told him. She mouths ‘sorry’ as JJ waves his hand in front or your face.

“Don’t look at her. Did you forget that I got off early today? I’ve been off work for hours Y/N. So again, where the hell have you- are you not wearing a bra? What the hell Y/N, were you out screwing someone?!” You push past him into the house.

“It’s none of your damn business where I was JJ. I’m here now aren’t I?” You pull the hoodie off your waist and toss it on the couch before sitting down and leaning back, closing your eyes.

“It is my business because I’m trying to keep you safe! It’s my responsibility as your older brother to- Y/N what the fuck is this?” You open your eyes and they quickly widen as you see what JJ is holding in front of you.

Sarahs hoodie. You didn’t realize before that it was one of her old ones from when she played volleyball and mentally curse yourself as you read ‘Cameron’ on the back in big bold lettering.

“Are you macking Rafe Cameron?! You better not be!” He yells angrily as you stand up and yank the piece of clothing out of his hands.

“Hell no! Are you crazy?!” You yell back.

“Then why the hell do you have a sweatshirt that says Cameron on the back?! Where the hell did that bracelet come from?”

“Oh my god,” Kiara breathes, stepping forward to inspect the diamonds around your wrist, immediately recognizing them, “It’s not Rafe. It’s Sarah.”

“What?” JJ steps back. Kiara was the only person who knew you were bisexual.

“Are you macking Sarah?” Kiara asks.

“Kie-“

“Just tell me Y/N. Are you macking Sarah Cameron?”

“No- yes- it’s not like that. Me and Sarah are together. Like dating.” You finally admit, staring down at the ground.

A look of betrayal comes over her face and she steps back in shock. JJ’s eyes widen as he steps forward in her place. Even John B and Pope who’d been standing off to the side watching had looks of shock on their faces.

“You’re-? Why didn’t you tell me? How long?” Your brother asks.

“Bisexual...I wasn’t ready to tell anybody. Sarah and I have been together for four months.”

“Four months?! You’ve been dating a kook for four months and didn’t tell any of us?!” John B asks.

“Yeah what happened to no secrets between pogues?” Pope continues.

“Sarah Cameron? God Y/N, what were you thinking?! You’re not dating a kook you, you’re dating the god damn kook princess! The Camerons are the worst ones!” JJ yells.

“Well maybe if you all weren’t so judgemental I would’ve told you sooner!” You yell at them angrily. You weren’t about to let them hate on your girl because they had problems with kooks.

“Sarah is nothing like Rafe or any of the other kooks. She’s kind and caring and she doesn’t hate on people simply because of what side of the island they come from. God I’m ashamed of all of you. I thought you guys were better then this.” They all look down at the ground for a moment until JJ speaks up.

“Is she good to you? Are you happy?”

You nod, “Very. I’m the happiest I’ve ever been.”

He sighs, “Then I guess I have to accept it. You’re not a kid anymore. You’re old enough to make your own choices and if you want to be with Sarah Cameron then that’s your decision. As long as you’re happy I’m happy.” John B and Pope both nod in agreement. You smile and step forward to give your brother a hug before pulling back.

You turn towards Kie who’d been standing back, arms crossed over her chest, silent for the past few minutes. The look of betrayal hadn’t left her face and you could tell that she was not going to be easy to get on board.

“Kiara,” You say softly, stepping towards your best friend.

“I didn’t mean to. Trust me, do you think I’d really purposely go for her knowing that you two don’t get along? Of course not! Kie your my best friend, I’ll always take your feelings into consideration. I didn’t mean to fall in love with her. It just happened and now I don’t think I could live without her. Please don’t be angry, I can’t stand you being angry with me,” You plead.

“I’m not angry. It’s not your fault that you fell for her. I won’t pretend to like her but I’ll tolerate her for your sake. Just please be careful okay?” You smile and the two of you hug it out.

“Sarah Cameron, huh sis?” JJ smirks, “Wait, does that mean that we could’ve been checking out chicks together this whole time?”

“We have been, you just didn’t notice. Didn’t you ever question why most of the girls you hooked up with were always tired already?” You and the others laugh as his jaw drops, “Don’t worry bro, they’re all yours. I have a girl now and she’s pretty great.”

I’m currently on an 8 hour drive and this kept me busy for about 2 hours so thanks for requesting lol. I hope you like it! Reminder, requests are currently closed!

[firehananas]

Chapter 159th to the end

Hmm ‘got much more mixed feelings about the end

I wonder if the mangaka is a huge gamer because the characters tend to always compare the situation with video games. I honestly find it a bit annoying - like, I don’t mind the gamer character to think like that, but almost everyone have a thought like this at one point. 

I have the feeling the whole Rika’s brainwashing was forced. Of course I wanted the two brothers to fight (Cain/Abel drama + Yuri setting as Seth yumyum) but it would had been better if Rika was the big villain the whole time/was really corrupted by Aikawa’s ideology.

That being said, I appreciated a little more Rika in the last half. I admit, he manages to do cool tricks.

Lowkey ship Sniper/White Feather for drama reason

Kuon’s death made me tear a bit - it was really heartbreaking </3

Too bad she doesn’t stay dead tho. It minimized the whole intensity of that scene and it feels too easy for the party afterward. Paradoxically, I liked the interactions she had with Yuri and Yuka.

Knowing there is a sequel, will they try to created a new body for her? Could be interesting. But I heard it was with new characters, so I don’t think I’ll read it. I was already reading it only mostly for Sniper Mask, so if I can’t get a shot of his riffle’s cannon, I’m not interested anymore.

I was honestly a bit nervous at the idea Kuon stayed in the head of Yuka - Ordinary quickly questioned this and pointed out very well my thoughts. It seems she doesn’t have to stay in his head and somehow body surfed with other God Candidates, but it still upset me for them all.

I thought Kuon was baby. She is. But she isn’t. Yet she is. However she isn’t. Actually- 

(She is definitely less innocent she appears to be, as I expected, but much darker than I visualized it)

Disappointed Aikawa was just sitting there while Yuka and Rika fight. Like, I was excepting he asked Volleyball Mask to bring him some popcorns at one point.

I really need someone to make an animatic of the brothers fight with “the plagues” from The Prince of Egypt. It matchs it so well 😔

Oh look, Yukio becomes super strong! Is he a Closer to God now? Oh no wait, it’s a literal deus ex-machina!

If High Rise Invasion gets a second season, it means we will be able to admire the divine butt of Yuka at the very least twice.

The codes were interesting on paper, but I wished they foreshadowed it sooner. Making Kuon said “oh yeah, I just remember it now” every times is a bit cheap.

Makoto brothers really shined in this part. It was really refreshing to see them working together.

Does anyone have an idea of what Tenma means? I couldn’t found anything about this...

I don’t think it was a good idea to introduced Juo for the last arc. He was out of place. Aikawa was to the point to succeeded to become a god, was much more threatening and it was less thrilling to follow Rika&co fighting him. If the whole scenario happened before, it would have been more smooth in my opinion.

Tbh, I didn’t even get why Yuri wanted to save Juo at the end...  

Administrator was f*cked up, but I couldn’t bring myself to hate him. His fate is just too awful and I understand he became so mad and drunk of power.

Praise Yuka for speaking the truth to the Supervisor. Wish he go further, calling him out that they succeeded thanks to their teamwork and not because they act in a "man is a wolf to man” way. Please, even bacterias understand the concept of helping the less strong to survive.

I need to pin up in my bedroom the page where Yuka said “you’re amazing” as a motivation quote.

Broke: Yuka is daddy. Woke: Yuka is a dad. Heck, he even lampshades it himself.

Did Prophet die?? He wasn’t show to be dead but he isn’t in the epilogue either...

My boy Yoshida didn’t deserved to die, especially not this way. That was dirty.

The whole betrayal of the dad is never addressed??? Where is the drama??? And the reunion of the Kusakabe didn’t move me at all. Do I am really suppose to care for a woman who tortured people with an obvious pleasure and turned my man Yuka and other countless people into puppets? Sorry but no.

Saito never becomes strong, halas. I’m not even sure if she showed up in the epilogue. It seems the author didn’t know what to do with her. She isn’t the only one in that case...

I understand why people complained the ending to be rushed. While it’s good to see Yuri alive, the whole family complete and angels stopping killing people, no god has been created (since somehow Yuri isn’t a complete god for now?), dimensions will maybe fused and insured chaos... yet the last thing the protagonist is seen doing is going to eat with her girlfriend. For a survival game genre, it’s hard to swallow — pun no intended. It’s way too cheesy after all the horrors they lived AND the threats incoming.

CONCLUSION

Yuka is definitely the best. What a husbando material.

Concept is very interesting but messy in execution at the end

Rarely boring, gorgeous art

Wished Yuka/Yuri/Rika worked more together and tried to bond as a family. It’s one of the most prominent theme of the manga, it’s too bad it mostly works as Yuri > Rika < Yuka and not all the three. (I don’t count when Yuka worked as Sniper Mask under Yuri since they didn’t know they were related.)

WISHED YURI/MAYUKO TO BE MORE OFFICIAL ARGHHHHH

Aikawa was a good villain, so was the administrator. Too bad they died so quickly. Juo could have been interesting too if he didn’t showed this late.

Wasted opportunity with Yayoi, she could have been an amazing villain.

It’s really too bad Yoshida didn’t manage to “really” meet one of the Makoto. I really think they could have influenced him positively. 

...Maybe too many characters...? It’s hard to judge since there is a need to have so much (otherwise nothing would happen) but it’s difficult to find them all flesh out. And if the reader don’t care, the whole drama and horror are much less impactful. 

I’m not sure how I feel towards Kuon now. I still like her, but I need to zoom off to understand better her character.

I’ll say it again: Yoshida didn’t deserved this fate :c

Ending rushed up, probably to prepare for the sequel but it’s still very brutal and cheesy, leaving a bitter taste as a farewell.

[serendipitous-posts]

Wayfarer Au - Spinel

The background was more focused on Pink Pearl than Spinel. This was because not much happened; we know Pink Diamond abondende Spinel, and nothing happened in the time of isolation. But I want to fix that so; some information about Spinel in the Wayfarer Au!

Spinel is the only one of her kind, specifically made just for Pink Diamond. She’s quite a bit younger than Pink Pearl and Crystal Pearl, since she was specifically made to replace Pink Pearl.

Her cut is perfect, her cultivation was perfect, and her powers were perfect for a toy

Because, at the end of the day, that’s what Spinel was, a toy. She realises this soon after she arrives on Earth: Pink had never thought of her as a friend, as a living thing. To her, she had been a fun plaything to throw away when she got bored

(She’s a little bitter, sue her)

She and Crystal Gem Pearl never really interacted all that much, despite sharing the same owner for some time, and both acting as a replacement for Pink Pearl, but since Spinel is the only one of her kind, she’s extremely memorable

(Hence why, despite not knowing her personally, being thousands of years and her looking different, in the movie Pearl was able to immediately realise who Spinel was and who she belonged to)

Spinel’s existence was really confusing to the Gem Hierarchy. The Pearls were the lowest of the ranks, as slaves.

But Pearl’s had jobs. They brought you things, took things down for you, stored things. They were, loathe as they were to admit it, useful. Spinel was just a toy really. Did that mean she was lower on the social ladder than the Pearls? After all, Pearls could entertain as well, singing and dancing if you so required.

Spinel, though intelligent, could often be insensitive and sometimes even clumsy. But Spinel was a Diamond’s, and, due to her questionable position on Homeworld’s Social Ladder, nobody really punished her for it

Spinel is very, very clever. She was the one who had the idea for getting the Gem’s memories back in the Movie, and she managed to put together a plan to destroy Earth that came closer than anyone else, including the Diamonds

In this verse, Spinel was made to be the best of the best, and, as such, has an intelligence a lot higher than the average gem. She’s not logically intelligent like Crystal Gem Pearl, she’s spatially intelligent, making her an imaginative gem capable of spatial reasoning, of thinking of things in three dimensions and is very good at drawing conclusions from limited data

Ironically enough, for a gem literally made to be someones friend, Spinel is extremely emotionally stupid. She makes jokes at inopportune times, doesn’t seem to understand when Pink wants to be left alone and comes across as naive and gullible

That last one comes back to bite her, hard

Upon finding out that Pink Diamond tricked her, the stress of it all causes her to poof and reform, into the outfit we see in the movie

Spinel’s faith in Pink Diamond is broken, as she realises that she never had any plans to come back for her, and immediately starts voicing her betrayal and hurt at being betrayed

She wakes up to find that Pink Pearl took her gem and fled to Earth, which she is not happy about

It was originally because she didn’t want to be on the planet that reminded her of Pink; because she was grieving, but it swapped to all consuming rage real quick once she realises what Pink Diamond did to her

Spinel doesn’t have anything against Pink Pearl, but, like in the movie, she’s hurt and so lashes out at her, while also not wanting her to be out of sight

Pink Pearl is also going through some shit right now, just waking up from years of brainwashing. She’s normally a very laid back gem, from what we see of her, and as a Pearl she is taught not to talk back to her superiors. But she would see Spinel as her equal here, and she is not going to let some upstart lecture her when she could of have just left Spinel in the Garden

They argue. A lot. Pink Pearl’s habit of excusing Pink Diamond’s abuse does not mesh well with Spinel’s hatred of her former owner

They wander for a bit, and settle in with some North American tribes, but, after realising Humans aren’t immortal like they are, they start travelling. 

Spinel takes the longest to be won around to Earth’s side, due to the bad memories of Pink abandoning her for it, but she loves the children who trip over themselves to play games with her

Spinel and Pink Pearl’s relationship is something I wanna go deeper into in a different post, but they finally start to get along when Pink Pearl finally admits what Pink Diamond did to her

They move a lot, and it is usually Spinel’s fault- her bright pink skin is very hard to hide, and she feels a lot of guilt over that, though Pink assures her that it’s okay, that it’s good that they moved, they would of have had to eventually

Over the centuries, Spinel and Pink Pearl have been poofed many, many times, though they are always super careful to make sure the other isn’t cracked - thankfully humans discover a way to heal cracks in gems, and the outfits change, usually to fit the era they’re in

The 1930′s was great, it was there that they finally figured out how to fuse at will instead of awkwardly stumbling into it every now and then

Currently, Spinel favours wearing hoodies or jumpers, loose and baggy, covering her gem because she’s not going to have that out for all to see and possibly crack. The hoodies hide her face, so bonus

Spinel’s personality was never as bad as it was in the movie; she continues to have extreme mood swings to this day, but since she wasn’t in isolation as long as Canon!Spinel, it didn’t affect her as bad

“As bad” 

One day Spinel will probably have to see a therapist after a run in with the earth’s government (awkward) and she will probably be diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder or something along those lines

Spine’s personality is extremely bitter most of the time; she is deeply cynical, contrasting Pink Pearl’s optimism, and is a pragmatist and an opportunist. Self deprecating humour is her strong suit, though she does like shitty puns and knock knock jumps

They did run into gem monsters at first, and are always really confused as to what that’s about, but they have no problem bubbling or shattering them when they have to

As they move away from the area the corruption song hit, they see less and less of them, and they kind of sort assumed that they were dinosaurs or something

Spinel and Pearl have found themselves in the middle of wars or revolutions, and, after a while, they start joining in, being extra super careful to make sure nobody realises they’re there and what they are (it doesn’t work)

Spinel’s weapon is still a scythe, but it’s design is different. She named it Peekaboo, which Pink finds hilarious

Spinel is more aggressive than Pink Pearl. She never aims it at Pearl- the closest she gets is the very start of their partnership when they first arrived on Earth. 

Instead, it’s more aimed at everyone else. She knows that the humans will all eventually die, and leave her, so she shuts them out- though she absolutely adores kids. She’s the main muscle between her and Pearl, and is by far the better fighter

Due to how weak Pearl’s naturally are, even a well made one like Pink Pearl, she is naturally protective of her other half

Of course, Pink Pearl will cut a bitch if you make her friend/girlfriend/wife cry

Spinel loves, loves, LOVES theatre, it’s something she and Pink bond over a lot. They both loved to visit William Shakespeare when he was around, though Spinel suggested that he could make some of his poems a lot less angsty, please?

When the circus was invented, she was over the moon, and kept dragging Pink off to go and see it (she may or may not have inspired the idea for clowns)

Over the years, Spinel tries branching out, to try and discover what she likes to do outside of making others laugh. It takes a while, and almost drives her to a nervous breakdown because oh stars what if all she can do is make others feel good, what if she can’t break outside her programming what if-

She discovers that she likes photography, and, after cultivating that skill for hundreds of years, she is quite good at it. She likes the idea of having pictures of everywhere they’ve been, and in her spare time creates scrapbooks to gift to Pearl

She has all kinds of nicknames for Pink Pearl; Raspberry, Loveheart, Sweetheart, Doll, Valentine, etc

Pearl admitted to her that she hates her name, of being “a” pearl, so, after going back and forth, they decide that she can be called Peach

(Because I refuse to call her Volleyball in this au)

[avelera]

Do you think you'll ever write about Newt and Hermann trying to unpack Newt's super complicated feelings about Alice especially in the wake of its death? Because letting go of that will probably be really hard.

So this is a really interesting question that I wanted to give a thorough answer. (I’ll probably put most of this under a cut for rambling)

So the short answer to this is no, because I don’t identify personally with Newt’s relationship with Alice, as I’ve written it. To a certain extent, Newt’s time with the Precursors as I write it is based on some personal experiences and emotions with loneliness and being stuck in a life with a person you don’t want to be with, and I don’t feel like there is much “there” there with dealing with his feelings about “Alice” as I’ve portrayed her across multiple fics, because I don’t personally have a parallel and there fore there’s no emotion there I feel a need or ability to explore with any depth.

Let me quickly clarify that this does not mean I don’t think there’s a very rich story there for Newt’s feelings around Alice or recovering from them, it just requires a different take on Alice than the one I’ve written, which leads me to my more detailed explanation:

I tend to think of “Alice” for Newt as something like “Wilson” in Tom Hanks’s “Castaway”  - an inanimate object that he projected a personality onto as a result of his loneliness and isolation. Alice was, in my fics, simply a gateway for Newt to the Anteverse and the Precursors, having no unique personality or characteristics of “her” own. It would be like naming his TV “Alice” if the TV was the source of his brainwashing. It’s a version of Alice that I think jives with Newt’s conversation with “her” in Uprising, how it’s companionable but also sort of ridiculous and joking. He doesn’t expect “her” to answer, the one thing “she” does for him is make him feel good when he’s getting another dose of brainwashing/the Precursors reestablishing his connection to the Anteverse.

Newt has personified this inanimate object to the extent that he feels guilt and responsibility towards Alice to some extent, because he imagines her with a benevolent personality towards him and doesn’t blame “her” for what the Precursors are doing to him, he sees them in some ways as cell mates in their imprisonment. But the personifying of her as a living being with feelings was a result of his loneliness and desperate desire to have a companion in his captivity. Furthermore, because Alice is the source of the “feel-good” endorphins the Precursors pump through his system in order to make their Drift together pleasurable (indeed, addictive) rather than as heinously painful as it should be since they’re incompatible, it makes it easier to see “Alice” as a friendly personality, that “she” makes the Drift feel good, because the Precursors certainly wouldn’t (except for nefarious reasons, which he’s well aware of but doesn’t like to think about). 

But consciously? Newt knows this is all completely nuts. 

Sure, he feels pangs of missing Alice in the immediate aftermath, but much like Hanks’s character in Castaway, he’s aware that what he’s missing is a fucking volleyball, or in this case, a non-sentient clump of tissue that he projected a personality onto. Yes, he would have pangs, but once he has actual human beings around him again, people like Hermann (and a therapist helping him work through this) he’s no longer lonely the way he was and he doesn’t need an inanimate object as a crutch anymore in the total absence of human contact that isn’t work.

I could, in theory, imagine Newt and Hermann having a conversation about “Alice” where Newt explains this fantasy he built up around the Kaiju brain, but I don’t see those emotions being “complicated” in a way that Hermann would have any trouble understanding. It’s not really complicated emotions he feels as if she were another human, it’s just him needing to explain that this was one coping mechanism he had while completely emotionally isolated while rationally he knows there is no “Alice” who has a personality and there never was, anymore than “Wilson” had an actual personality.

Alice was his “ally” against the Precursors, they were victims together, he personified her as “caring” about him feeling good and they were “in this together.” Does he feel a pang of mourning when he learns “she” is dead? Well sure, the way a prisoner might feel a pang upon learning the cot they slept on in jail has been destroyed. It was a sentimental object, perhaps, an object that offered comfort during a difficult time, but his life is so much better and less lonely once he’s out, he’s got people in his corner that aren’t made up, he has Hermann again. The prisoner has their bed in their own home back again. They don’t need the prison cot. Likewise, Alice is no longer needed. Furthermore, once he’s out of there, he doesn’t need to separate Alice and the Precursors as different entities (as they in fact never were separate) he can go back to thinking about the brain rationally, as the tool that was used to enslave his mind. 

Newt would probably have a few slips in the immediate aftermath where he refers to Alice as a person, but those are more old reflex than conscious belief that “she” as a person or even actively missing her at all. The volleyball is just a volleyball, in the end.

[druckenglish]

Season 4 Episode 5: “Escalation”

Sam: My head

Hanna: How you sat in the deck chair with the champagne and said it was your baby

Kiki: Yes, and how Abdi was super jealous of the champagne and just threw it into the neighbours’ garden

Abdi: You’ve never looked at me the way you looked at that champagne

Sam: Amira if you’d been there I wouldn’t be so hungover now

Amira: Why?

Sam: You’re our mum

Kiki: Oh wow

Amira: What?

Kiki: Nadia, your friend, asked me if I want to come to her henna-evening

Sam: What’s a henna-evening?

Kiki: It’s like a bachelorette party 

Sam: Oh cool

Kiki: Yes, I’m so happy. Is it okay for you if I go there? You’re weirdly quiet, something’s going on. Is everything okay with Mohammed?

Amira: I let it be

Kiki: What do you mean?

Amira: We’re not meeting anymore

Kiki: Because of your parents and the alcohol or what?

Amira: No

Kiki: Amira I was so happy for you that you have someone

Amira: It’s fine, we just didn’t get along like you don’t get along sometimes

Kiki: Really?

Amira: Yes. It’s sad, but that’s the way it is. You wouldn’t start a new relationship right before you go abroad for a year either

Kiki: So you do like him

Amira: Just leave me alone, Jesus Christ

Sam: What about Stefan, by the way?

Hanna: Ugh, Stefan. For him this is totally long-term

Kiki: What do you mean?

Hanna: He wants to move in with me

Kiki: Really? 

Sam: Have you already looked for drapes and strollers?

Kiki: Hey, maybe he’s just scared because you and Jonas get along so well and needs a bit of safety

Sam: But Abdi’s the same way. Whenever I talk to other guys (didn’t get that part but something about him not liking it). He needs to decide whether he wants anything serious or this

Kiki: The question is why you don’t want to be with him and just want whatever you have

Abdi: Guys, I’m right next to you, you know that, right?

Sam: See?

Amira: Hey guys, do we want to play anything?

Kiki(?): What?

Amira: Volleyball, some people over there are playing. I also brought cards

Text from Mohammed: I don’t believe that you don’t want to see me. I want to talk to you

Amira: Or city-country-river (very popular game in Germany)

Hanna: Let’s just keep laying here

Amira: You? What are you doing here?

Mohammed: I wanted to see your brother

Amira: Why aren’t you going inside then?

Mohammed: Amira…

Amira: I don’t think this is the right place 

Mohammed: I wanted to talk to you. Because I’ve never experienced anything like this with another person. Really! I just can’t believe that you want to throw all of that away

Amira: But it doesn’t work that way

Mohammed: We can work it out somehow

Amira: How do you imagine that? Ramadan, for example. Will you just eat? Or what will you do when I pray?

Mohammed: We’ll find out then

Amira: But I have to know now

Mohammed: Oh come on. This between us is strong enough

Amira: That’s not enough for me

Mohammed: Not enough?

Amira: Maybe it just doesn’t fit between us

Mohammed: Okay, I’ll pray with you if you wantAmira: But then you’re only doing it for me

Mohammed: Yes

Amira: But it isn’t real then. You have to do it for yourself or for Allah

Mohammed: But how can we be together?

Amira: Okay, but apart from me, what if we have kids? How are they supposed to live? Should they come to the mosque with me to pray or should they stay home with you? What should they believe in?

Mohammed: That’s so far in the future, why do you think so much?

Amira: Why do you think so little?

Mohammed: Why can’t we just be now?

Amira: Because that will never work for me

Amira: Mohammed you know, religion is home for me. Maybe you can do without, but I can’t. It just isn’t meant to be. Forget it. I don’t want you! I don’t want you!

Mohammed: You don’t want me?

Amira: No!

Mohammed: Well, okay. It’s your decision

Amira: Can I play with you?

Girl: Who’s that?

Kiki: She belongs to us

Hanna (?): You can serve, Amira

Amira: Okay

Girl: Well then, let’s see what you can do. Dude! Why are you laughing so stupidly?

Amira: Sorry

Girl: That really hurt

Amira: Give me the ball, I’ll do it again

Girl: Apologize properly

Amira: Give me the ball

Girl: How are you even talking to me? I want you to apologize

Amira: I already apologized. It’s not my fault you’re being so dramatic, okay? Now give me the ball

Kiki: Just giver her the ball

Girl: Nobody asked you

Amira: Talk properly to her

Girl: I don’t want to play with someone who obviously didn’t learn how to treat other people

Sam: What?

Girl: Get lost!

Kiki: You get lost!

Girl: Isn’t it getting a little hot under that thing?

Amira: Hands off!

Kiki: Are you dumb or what? Keep some distance!

Girl: No wonder you’re going crazy

Sam: Excuse me? 

Kiki: Watch out how you’re talking

Girl: Honestly, if that stupid wog doesn’t know how to throw a ball…

Kiki: How are you talking?

Amira: Get lost!

Girl: She should go back to her shit hole country

Amira: What shit hole country?

Kiki: Just get lost!

Amira: Don’t touch her!

Sam: Don’t touch her!

Amira: You get lost!

Girl: Stupid wog

Kiki: What’s wrong with her?

Girl: Shut up!

Kiki: I’ve never experienced anything like that

Amira: Just leave it, okay?

Hanna: Amira what she said about you is not okay

Amira: Oh you have no idea! Stupid racist I’ve never experienced anything like that fucking hijab blah, in the end I’m always the one to blame because I wear a headscarf

Kiki: We just wanted to help you

Amira: I don’t want any help from you. What am I even doing here?

Kiki: Amira!

Kiki: What’s wrong with them?

Hanna: No idea

Kiki: What even was that?

Trainer: Mohammed, can you take over for me, please?

Trainer: Everything okay?

Amira: Yes, everything’s great!

Trainer: Is really everything okay? Don’t be so hard on yourself. You just had a bad day. You’ll get there

Amira: Come on, we’ve seen everything, can we please go now?

Kiki: No, I still want to get a henna tattoo done

Amira: But Kiki, I really have a bad headache

Kiki: You need to drink some water, you haven’t drunk anything today

Amira: I’m also not in the mood anymore

Safaa: Amira, Hi

Amira: Safaa!

Safaa: Long time no see. How are you?

Amira: Good, how are you?

Safaa: I’m fine

Amira: This is Kiki

Kiki: Hi

Amira: Safaa and I were the coolest in Quran class

Safaa: Definitely

Amira: Talk Arabic to her, I taught her some

Safaa (in Arabic): How are you?

Kiki (in Arabic): Good. I thank Allah

Safaa: Wow

Amira: See?

Kiki: But that’s all I know

Safaa: Hold on. Elva (? I could be wrong about that) hey, over here. Look, Amira is here

Elva: Hey, everything okay sister?

Amira: Yes, you?

Elva: Sure

Kiki: Hi, I’m Kiki

Safaa: I just wanted to tell them about Haneen (?). She was on the train and was spit at in the middle of the day and nobody did anything. You really don’t feel safe sometimes

Elva: My sister still can’t play basketball

Safaa: For real?

Kiki: Why, what happened?

Elva: At might on Herrmann street. Three against one

Kiki: Oh god. But yesterday there was someone like that at the lake. She told Amira to go back home. I was so shocked

Elva: Yes, welcome to our world. But you don’t understand that anyway. Don’t know that either, do you?

Safaa: Don’t think about it sister. We’re strong, we’re sticking together

Amira: It’s not even that bad

Elva: Not that bad? Did they brainwash you? Every day at the tram people look at me or talk to me stupidly. You can’t tell me that it’s not the same for you

Amira: Elva, just chill, okay. Most people are cool

Elva: Didn’t you listen to me? Or her? Don’t you care about what happens to my sister?

Nadia: Na ladies?

Everybody: Wow

Amira: The bride is here

Nadia: Everything okay with you?

Safaa: Let me tell you, Achmed will be impressed tomorrow. He’s gonna be a happy man/husband

Nadia: How was it at your wedding?

Safaa: Look, he wanted to, but I was way too tired. I fell asleep right away

Kiki: No way

Nadia: By the way, what’s going on with you and Mohammed?

Safaa: Wait, isn’t Mohammed the one that’s always chilling with Omar?

Amira: It’s nothing

Elva: That’s not true. Fatima said something like that

Amira: Yes, but there’s nothing between us. I had a look at him, but that was it

Safaa: You know he’s no Muslim, right?

Elva: You look at someone who’s no Muslim?

Amira: Jesus, I said there’s nothing between us. Are you even listening?

Elva: What are you talking about? Fatima saw you two making out at the park last week

Amira: What are YOU talking about? What is your problem?

Elva: I just want you to stop being such a hypocrite 

Amira: What?

Elva: Just admit it! You want to be an Alman. Just like that Kiki. You’re only hanging out with them now, aren’t you? You changed so much Amira

Amira: Excuse me?

Elva: And now you’re sleeping with that heathen. Cunt!

Kiki: Amira! Amira wait! Amira what’s going on with you?

Amira: Don’t touch me!

Kiki: What’s the matter?

Amira: Stop interfering with my life! What do you even want here? You have no idea what’s going on here. Elva was so right. You would never understand something like that. Just fuck off!

[thetigerisariver]

It's like whatever but Uhhh the realization that people basically brainwashed you to the point of flipping yr understanding of yourself on its head when you were a kid fucking sucks

Like I was like "of course I was unathletic always, I was fat and also was bad at volleyball and couldn't pull myself up on rope, and also bad at running! It's clear"

Except like...

I learned to swim at like five and have shown enough promise they wanted to tap me for representation?

Skied with enough skill to be able to basically handle any kind of track without falling

Biked, not super enthusiastically but could keep it up for some time (always hated the seats tho)

Mediocre ice skater but Yk

Did various martial arts from like six into my adolescence (often fell out because I was bad at handling the transition of school - home - sport - home)

Hiked reasonably serious trails with my parents and the scouts

Teen obsession with DDR

Teen obsession with yoga

But I was completely convinced I was lazy and not a sporty person because... What? Because I was fat? Because I was inertial? :(

[wp-yahoo-style-1042-yahoopa-blog]

'Cycle of abuse': Model Katie Willcox on what it's like to be neither plus-size or straight-size

Model Katie Willcox will talk body positivity at theCURVYcon Sept. 6-8 in New York City. Watch the event live on Yahoo Lifestyle. (Photo: Courtesy of Katie Willcox)

Katie Willcox got scouted to be a plus-size model when she was 17 years old. Now 33, Willcox notes that at the time she was athletic, playing competitive volleyball and wearing a size 12.

 “That’s not really plus-size,” she notes, regarding the standards of sizing as defined by the fashion and modeling industries. “I was really fit and I just had a larger frame.”

After finishing high school, Willcox moved to New York City and was almost immediately booked by Torrid, becoming the face of its latest campaign. Willcox calls the campaign a pivotal moment for plus-size fashion, one of the first times a brand thought to ask, “Wait — what if we shoot curvier stuff and have it look not awful?”

Sept. 6-8, Willcox will join other plus-size influencers and celebrities at theCURVYcon to talk about body positivity and size diversity in the fashion industry. The event will be live-streamed by Yahoo Lifestyle (bookmark this link to watch it!).

During her freshman year of college, though, Willcox stopped playing sports, had no sense of good nutrition, and then gained what she calls “the freshman 25” and found herself a size 14 — which created a challenging dynamic for her to reckon with.

Photo: Courtesy of Katie Willcox

“I was feeling really awful about it, but everyone at the agency was like, ‘This is so great! Now you’re really plus-size! You can book more now!’ But now I felt was that I wasn’t in good shape, but I was being rewarded for that with money and work.”

It was the first time Willcox realized that modeling was “not what I thought this was going to be. … This was not what I thought my dream was, that I was brainwashed into thinking from watching America’s Next Top Model.”

A shoot in Los Angeles for Torrid led Willcox to meet her now husband, who was designing high-quality leather accessories. The two soon decided to try to join creative forces, ultimately opening up their own store and selling to top boutiques nationwide.

“I would take the belts we made to all the high-end jobs I would work [as a model] and sell to all the stylists. I always had that entrepreneurial business sense of hustling and making the most out of what I have,” Willcox says. Their joint company also taught her, she says, how to run a business: “How to run things, how to invest in your company, what to do when you’re not making the right decisions with your money.”

Photo: Courtesy of Katie Willcox

After the couple found their designs being knocked off by overseas manufacturers and sold for less in stores they had previously worked with, they decided to switch gears.

“We sold everything off, and I said if we ever open another business, I want it to be a modeling agency that actually makes sense for plus-size models.” In other words, a business that was everything that Willcox’s own experiences in the industry thus far hadn’t been.

Not only was Willcox watching plus-size models increasingly get scouted by brands directly through their social media accounts, often leaving the models without representation to negotiate for them or send them out for even more work, she was also tired of the messages that models on all spectrums of the size range were being told about their bodies.

Willcox recalls one particularly notable incident when she was 23; she had lost 50 pounds, was a size 8, and was being told by her agency that she was now too small for plus-size — but if she could lose 8 inches off her hips, the agency could send her out for straight-size auditions.

“Modeling was all I had ever done, so I was like, ‘OK, let me see if I can do this.’”

She says she started using “a meal delivery service and undereating and overexercising and telling myself that I was being healthy because that is what we tell people success is — losing weight.”

Last night @naturally.nikki_ and I did our 45 minutes bootcamp class on my @onepeloton app. It starts with a 20 min run interval in 3 sections. We jog for 30 seconds then run for 30 and repeat 4 times. Then we do the same thing with an incline. Then we alternate jogging and running for one minute each for the remainder of the time. After doing 100 spin classes I set a goal of 100 bootcamp classes and I started with the 30 minute options…. and died. But I kept with it and now I am doing the 45 minute classes and pushing myself in a way that never knew possible! I hate running… or that is what I told myself. Now, I realize I hated it because it was hard for me and I was out of shape. Last night we ran at 7.0 which was a huge improvement since day one! I realize now that being optimistic about our health journey will unlock new experiences we never thought we were capable of. We just have to keep showing up and believing in ourselves! 👏🏽❤️ #21daychallange #day20 #healthyisthenewskinny #katiehwillcox

A post shared by Katie Willcox (@katiehwillcox) on Sep 1, 2018 at 10:20am PDT

After getting down to 143 pounds, which Willcox describes as “skeletal on my frame,” her hips were still 37 inches — 2 inches more than what her agency had told her she needed to be.

“It was just bone. There was nothing I could do. And I remember it was Fourth of July and I had made cupcakes for everyone, but I couldn’t eat one and I broke down crying and I was like, ‘This isn’t who I am. How did I end up being this person? This isn’t me.’”

Two years later, Willcox and her husband, Bradford, started Natural Model Management, which, now nine years in, is a thriving agency. In 2011, the two started their next venture, Healthy Is the New Skinny, again out of response to what Willcox said she was seeing and feeling from her peers in the industry — and not liking.

It is a new week and that means we need to take a few minutes to recommit to ourselves. It is funny how we fear the beginning and we fear the end, but it is the middle that counts most! Week 2 of the 21-day challenge is the most challenging because old habits can start to creep back in. Hold strong and know you are going to have to work through those days as you create new healthy habits for yourself. You got this! #day8 #week2 #21daychallenge #healthyisthenewskinny #katiehwillcox top: @fabletics leggings @cottonon

A post shared by Katie Willcox (@katiehwillcox) on Aug 20, 2018 at 6:02am PDT

“When girls are their natural size, they’re not able to work. You’re asking them to pick an extreme end of the spectrum — you can lose 30 pounds or gain 20 pounds if you want to make a living as a model,” Willcox says about how the modeling world functions. “This is really messed up. All these young girls, all the models, hate themselves because they know they can’t look like that naturally, which makes them hate themselves and their bodies and I thought this was a cycle of abuse for women that I refuse to be a part of.”

At Natural, models are told to be the size they are — and that same message carries through in Healthy Is the New Skinny.

“Women’s sizes fluctuate. That’s part of life. You need to figure out what’s good for you and your body, but you don’t need someone to stand over and tell you what you should look like.”

Photo: Courtesy of Katie Willcox

Next came the book by the same name; in Healthy Is the New Skinny, Willcox sought to understand the psychology of the beauty and fashion industry and the way they force women to constantly feel not good enough — including the ubiquitousness of the phrase “self-love” in the industry right now.

“Self-love is just PR,” says Willcox. “Saying I love you to yourself in the mirror isn’t enough in a system that teaches you to hate yourself. I wanted other girls to have an understanding of the false advertising and the skinny beauty ideal, the diet industry designed for you to fail so they can keep making money.”

“When you understand stuff like that and take body image from an irrational place to an intellectual place, it’s like, ‘Wait all your craziness doesn’t work on me anymore.”

Yahoo Lifestyle will live-stream theCURVYcon 2018 on Friday, Sept. 7, from 5:30 p.m. to 7:30 p.m., and on Saturday, Sept. 8, from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. Bookmark this link to tune in! 

Read more about theCURVYcon 2018: 

Size did not ‘dictate their accomplishments’: Why Gabourey Sidibe and WWE’s Nia Jax will headline theCURVYCon

Venus Williams expands fashion label into plus-size: ‘Representation matters’

‘You can be unhappy with it or thank God for what you have’: Curvy influencer shares key to success

[phereinnike]

something you hate about: tfc, spain, volleyball

TFC: I hate how Tetsuji just lefit got away with creating a cult, raising Riko to be a total sociopath with no understanding of how society actually works, abuse MINORS for years, traumatize and brainwash minors. And he just. Lost his poisition, like that’d keep him from looming directing from the shadows??? Tetsuji Moriyama deserves a bullet on the head. 

Spain: there is a tendence to glorify the most vulgar, ignorant and lazy people and raise them up above like some kind of celebrities and it sickens me to death. 

Volleyball: well, i loved voleyball with all my heart but now it reminds me of my team and of an increasing eating disorder and depression. I associate it with the court and the sounds and the energy of it all... and also with the pressure rising until killing myself seemed a reasonable idea. I guess what i hate about volleyball it’s that i loved it and now it’s bittersweet. 

Send me literally anything and I’ll tell you something I hate about it.

[rnelodyy]

Bucky Barnes is on the list. He was fucking brainwashed by Nazi's and used as a living weapon for 70+ years. He plays an antagonistic role in Winter Soldier, but ffs, he's not a villain! He's not evil! He's "redeemed" by overcoming his programming and returning to how he was before he was captured by HYDRA, just with a lot more trauma and self worth issues.

Anakin Skywalker is here, but when was he redeemed exactly??? I guess he turned against Palpatine when the dude was about to murder his son, but then he immediately fucking died lmao. If you see that as redemption then yeah i guess.

Catra was an abused child who thought she didn't have anything outside the Horde. She's redeemed once she realizes the extent of the abuse she went through as a kid, and is shown to be conflicted about her actions a LOT. She doesn't do the shit she does for fun, she does it cause she feels she has no other choice, and she just wants her friend back.

Same with Scorpia too actually. She's in the Horde cause her family joined them when she was little, and she leaves once she realizes the princesses aren't evil and the Horde is doing horrible fucking damage to everything.

Megamind is what c!Dream apologists WISH c!Dream was. Megamind was treated as a villain his entire life, so in the end he became one, cause he didnt know how to be anything else. As soon as someone showed him kindness and treated him as a normal person, he started getting second thoughts and turns to heroism cause that's what he ACTUALLY wants. If anything, c!Dream is closer to Tighten, a petulant fucking manbaby obsessed with one person who throws a cosmic temper tantrum once he can't get what he wants.

Mai and Ty Lee were fucking terrified of disobeying Azula. Mai left once Azula started seriously threatening Zuko, and Ty Lee followed to do what she actually wanted to do, join a circus.

You are not putting Zuko on this list. You are not putting the best redemption arc EVER on this list and say this abused child who had his face scorched off and was forced to complete an impossible task by a father who never even had a single ounce of respect for him, who learns over time what actual love and respect is and turns against his father cause he knows he deserves better, is worse than fucking "You're too fun" "I'm playing with my food" "I'm just showing you how powerful I am, how powerless you are" c!Dream.

NED CHICANE WAS NOT A VILLAIN! HE WAS NEVER EVIL! WHAT THE FUCK!

Pietro and Wanda joined Ultron cause they lost their parents to Stark-weapons. When they realized Ultron was planning to destroy the planet, they understandably turned against him and started working with the Avengers. They were villains for maybe half a movie, and barely did anything in that time.

In WandaVision, Wanda never realized the extent of the damage she was causing to the people around her, cause she was too caught up in her grief. Once she realizes what she's done, she immediately gets rid of the illusion and says she doesn't deserve to be forgiven, so.

Nebula was an abuse victim lashing out at the world and her sister to cope with the pain of having her body turned into machinery, she's redeemed once she's shown some actual love and compassion and calms the fuck down. Come to think of it, there is a fucking CONCERNING amount of abuse victims in this list.

Shadow Weaver was never redeemed, unless you count her sacrificing herself as redemption. She's an abuser and STAYS an abuser, her victims (Adora and Catra) are never shown to forgive her, and she stays manipulative and untrustworthy until the very end.

There's also just,,, so many people on this list who are not worse than c!Dream??? Billy Hargrove and Steve Harrington are just kind of teenaged assholes who grow out of that shit once they realize that things are really fucking serious. Lars is not only just a teenaged asshole who grows out of it, he was never even an antagonist! Steven considered him a friend! Oikawa literally just plays volleyball (i think i havent watched the show). Pretty much everyone on this list (except the like,, CARTOONISHLY evil villains from kids media who are redeemed with the power of friendship) is a victim of abuse/extreme trauma and is lashing out because of that, literally has no other goddamn choice, or is just kind of an asshole sometimes making them Not Worse Than A Literal Child Abuser.

THIS IS APPARENTLY A LIST OF CHARACTERS ““MOST OF WHICH ARE WORSE THAN C!DREAM WHO WERE REDEEMED”” WHAT

BLUE AND YELLOW PEARL WERE LITERAL FUCKING SLAVES WHO DIDNT DO ANYTHING WRONG THEYD HAVE LITERALLY GOT FUCKING SHATTERED IF THEY DID ANYTHING BUT OBEY

GIDEON WAS LIKE A NINE YEAR OLD HE GREW OUT OF HIS CHILDISH CRUELETY

KING ASGORE H A T E D HAVING TO DO WHAT HE DID TO FREE THE UNDERGROUND AND HAD SO MUCH REGRETS LIKE HIS FIGHT IS BASICALLY HIM FUCKING COMMITING SUICIDE BY CHILD

LARS IS JUST,,, KIND OF A DICK? WHAT?

PERIDOT AGAIN LITERALLY DIDNT KNOW ANY FUCKING BETTER

PINK DIAMOND LITERALLY DEFECTED THE FIRST TIME SHE HAD ANY POWER

SPINEL WAS ANGRY AND LASHING OUT OVER SEVERE TRAUMA AND FEELING LIKE NO ONE LOVED HER ANYMORE YOU KNOW WHO THAT REMINDS ME OF? NOT FUCKING C!DREAM

THE DIAMONDS WERE AWFUL I CAN ACTUALLY SEE THE VALIDITY FOR THIS ONE WOW! ONE GOOD POINT.

FLOWEY IS LITERALLY A FUCKING CHILD AND HE LITERALLY GOT REDEEMED BY FUCKING OFF TO THE BOTTOM OF A CAVE?

UNDYNE WAS LITERALLY TRYING TO FREE HER COUNTRY SHE DIDNT DO ANY OF THIS SHIT OUT OF SOME SICK DESIRE FOR FUN LIKE C!DREAM

I’m so confused man,,,