#I was bored so I did a survey lmao.

[coco-cinnamon]

Better Than Me?

౨ৎ Warnings: cursing, drinking, Y/N being a bit of a player (I've never wrote Y/N doing that so lmao), sexual themes, degrading, smut, Rafe being an ass but, when is he not lol 18+ MDNI.

౨ৎ Pairings: Rafe Cameron x Female Kook Reader.

౨ৎ Summary: When Y/N is at a party, she messes with Rafe, pretending like she's tired of him and going to go to Topper for her new sex buddy but, Rafe makes sure she learns her lesson.

౨ৎ Word Count: 900+ words.

౨ৎ Author's Note: this was originally supposed to be a re-write of one of my old Topper fics but, it turned into a Rafe fic lmao. I'll post the old Topper fic soon.

©coco-cinnamon 2024, please do not steal, copy, modify, repost, or translate my work.

Sipping your beer from a red solo cup, you surveyed the lively party. The pulsing music reverberated in your chest, as Rafe Cameron's parties always went all out. When one of your friends caught your eye and waved you over to the dance floor, you smiled back, ready to join her. But before you could make your way through the crowd, a hand suddenly gripped your arm.

Attempting to pull your arm away, you snap, "What the fuck?!" But it's no use - their grip is like iron around your arm. You whip yourself around to see who had grabbed you. Looking up, you're met with ocean blue eyes staring down into yours, hazy with lust. "What the fuck do you want, Rafe?" you ask, finally managing to yank your arm out of his grip. He just smirks at you, his eyes a mix of amusement and lust. "That isn't any way to greet the host, is it?"

You crossed your arms, your gaze piercing up at him. "Again, what the hell do you want?" you asked.

He smirked. "Well, I figured since you came to my party, we could head up to my bedroom. I'm sure we could do way more interesting things up there than you would be able to do over there with your friends."

You cocked a brow, considering his words. He watched you, his impatience growing evident on his face. With a sarcastic smile, you said, "Thanks, but no thanks," and began to turn away. Before you could fully turn around and walk off, he yanked you back to face him again. Rolling your eyes, you groaned, "what now?"

"I thought we had something good going on here." he said, tilting his head quizzically. "We did, at first." you replied with a small shrug. His jaw clenched slightly as he growled, "What do you mean 'at first'?" Maintaining a calm demeanor and a small smirk, you replied, "Exactly what I said. At first, we had a pretty sweet thing, but then I got bored. Plain and simple." You crossed your arms as you continued, "You care more about your own pleasure than mine, so I'm no longer interested."

Rafe scoffed bitterly. "No longer interested? That's bullshit, Y/N, and you know it. You and I both know there's no one here who can make you feel as good as I do. No one knows your body like I do. Do you really think any of these idiots could make you cum the way I can?" He growled, tightening his grip on your shoulders.

You smirked up at him. "Maybe, maybe not. But it's worth a shot to see if anyone can do better. As of right now, I've got my eye on him." You gestured towards Topper Thornton, who was across the room drinking and chatting with Kelce. Rafe let out a mocking laugh, as if the very notion was absurd. "Really?! Topper Thornton is who you're interested in?" he scoffed. "That's got to be a joke, Y/N. You'd actually lower your standards that much?"

"I think I already lowered my standards when I started sleeping with you," you retorted with a smirk, knowing you were getting under his skin. You begin to speak once again, "I mean, Topper is very attractive. Or if you'd rather, I could go and sleep with Maybank. I know for a fact that he'd know how to—"

But you get cut off as Rafe's hand suddenly wraps around your throat. He yanks you forward, his nose only inches from yours. The height difference causes you to rise up on your tiptoes. "Cut it out Y/N or I swear to god I will take you up those fucking stairs right now and fuck your ass so hard that you won't be able to walk the next day." He said, his voice lethally soft. You look up at him, remaining defiant as a a smirk playing on your lips before you speak "I think I'd rather Topper over there to fuck me."

"You want Topper to fuck you?! Fine!" He snaps, his grip around your throat tightening slightly as he continues, "but just know that I will make you beg on your fucking hands and knees when you crawl back to me, begging me for my cock because Topper couldn't fuck you properly." With that, he roughly drops you. You glance over to where Topper stands with Kelce, then shift your gaze back to Rafe. He smirks down at you, tilting his head. "Well? What are you waiting for? I thought you wanted to whore yourself out to Topper." His grin widens as he sees your face twist with annoyance. "Or are you having second thoughts?"

You glared at him before turning around and starting to make your way towards Topper. But before you could reach him, Rafe came over and grabbed you, throwing you over his shoulder. He then smacked your ass roughly, eliciting a squeak from you.

"I- what the hell, Rafe?!" you yelled as he carried you towards the stairs. "Did you really think I was going to let you fuck him? You're mine, Y/N, and by the end of the night the only name that will be able to leave your lips is mine," he growled.

౨ৎ Author's Note: tysm for reading, babes! part two coming soon!

[norikuna]

DITTO — Gojo Satoru a rewrite of this post.

prologue. → brave, lucky, courageous. these are the words that people bestow upon you when the dust has cleared, and the king of curses is no more. you disagree, for if you were lucky, gojo satoru would still be standing at your side. instead you've been left to stare at the ocean shoreline on your own, without your best friend (the love of your life) by your side.

pairing. gojo satoru x afab!reader

warnings+. unfulfilled/unresolved love. angst, hurt, comfort, fluff. your usual shenanigans. sfw! implied, minor satosugu (mb because geto is my beautiful sad princess and i love him so he has to be a part of everything). pining, idiots in love. grief, and what you do after you've lost what you treasure the most etc u get it. reader is from an unnamed clan, has a younger brother. reader also wears skirts, dresses sometimes, character death + injury

word count. 11k! 😭 song inspiration. ditto — newjeans / 뉴진스 (2022) a/n. i wrote rough headcanons and posted them yesterday but i woke up thinking dang i should actually write something better about that lmao. update: i thought i'd finish this in a few hours, why did this take me like 2 days? update #2: dawg this is long as fuck...this kinda depressed me to write CROSSPOSTED ON AO3 <3 💙

mp3. do you think about me now, yeah. all the time...

✉️ — 1995. 💬 — gojo.

these meeting rooms were hushed, grand, and the kind of place that simply swallowed up any sound and echo; where the wood-panelled walls were lined with the tapestries and polished symbols of his clan.

and in the hush, gojo had sat cross-legged on the tatami mat, trying to listen to the conversation of the adults, with their low and steady voices that droned on. this was so boring. they were always speaking of things that he just couldn't understand, but his parents said these meetings were important, and so he was dragged along - much to his eternal chagrin. still, he shifted in place, glancing around at the detailed screens painting around the corners of the room, in varying shades of blue.

across the room, there was another kid. one who sat beside her father, fidgeting just as he was. and gojo could tell by the way that you kept glancing towards the door that you, too, longed to escape. your gaze caught his, and there was that flicker of mutual boredom that sparked between you two. you had scrunched up her nose, as if to say 'this is so boring, isn't it?'

gojo grinned, stifling a giggle. he had leaned back, just a little, surveying the adults who paid no heed to him, before letting himself inch across the rough texture of the mat towards the door.

"do you want to see the garden?" he mouthed silently, his words exaggerated and slow, so you would understand.

your eyes had lit up, and you nodded, just as your father (well, he assumed it was her father) leaned down to whisper something in your ear, his voice a low rumble that was far too quiet for gojo to catch. you were nodding obediently, but your eyes were now fixed with the glimmer of excitement, and he quickly held the door open for you as you scrambled out the door, following him quietly as they creaked down the long hallway.

and soon, they reached the back of the estate, where the garden stretched out like a hidden oasis, filled with the flowering bushes, the winding stone paths, and the pond that glistened in the morning light. suddenly, he stopped by the edge of the pond, brushing pale hair out of his stinging eyes, "i'm satoru, by the way."

you had sat down quickly, as though the long walk had winded her (gojo had barely needed to stop to catch is breath), and your robes dipped into the pond, letting the water seep up slowly, "i've heard of you. my parents say you're an only child."

gojo shrugged, trying to think of something important he could tell you, "it's not so bad. one day, i'm going to be the head of my clan," puffing up his chest a little.

you had nodded, "i would like to be too, but my younger brother would get it. because...you know."

gojo didn't quite know but he nodded like he understood, and he tried to think of something smarter to say, "well the job isn't that fun anyway. it's just sitting around reading papers, and telling people what to do."

you had pouted, frowning, "i want to tell people what to do all day. and i would get the nicest robes too as clan head."

and you had looked so unhappy at the prospect that you were being robbed of a stellar wardrobe that gojo made up his mind, right then and there, "tell you what, when i become my clan head, i'll make sure you get the nicest robes, how's that?"

your face had lit up, holding your little pinky up to his, "promise?"

gojo linked his finger with hers, sealing this silly vow and laughing, "why not?"

✉️ — 1996. 💬 — you.

when you're seven years old, you’ve resigned yourself to trailing behind gojo, watching as your friend takes on the world with the same reckless, eager energy that he seems to pour into everything that he does.

his voice has picked up a confidence that you haven't felt yet, and there's a permanent, flashy grin on his face that says he doesn't care what anyone thinks about him, not his parents, nor his clan.

and today, gojo's decided that the old shrine on the edge of your family estate needs exploring. you're a little less certain, especially since your father had told you that this shrine was haunted, but you find yourself following the boy anyway, and there's that silent agreement in place: he leads, you follow. you're alright with that, that's just the way it's always been.

he's dressed, as usual, in a loose grey hoodie that's two sizes too big for him, and his jeans have a hole in the knee; some small rebellion against his clan's strict sense of tradition. even his hair is awfully emssy, tousled and getting a little too long, and you know he hates it when his mother tries to comb it down, and you easily suspect that gojo just ruffles it on purpose to get a reaction out of those around him. he probably does everything on purpose for a round of reactions, honestly.

you, on the other hand, have your nicest lilac skirt on, and there's a small bow in your hair that the maidservants had pinned themselves (your mother had been too deep in her cups all morning). but you had fluttered around, feeling quite pretty in your skirt; like you were a fairy that would sprout wings and live in the clouds.

gojo glances back at you, and rolls his eyes, "you know, you look like you're going to one of the clan meetings," he mutters, but there's a playful glint in his eye. he's pulled a twig from the ground, and he's waving it around like a sword, slicing through imaginary enemies as he marches forward like an idiot.

you just shrug, quietly watching him cut through the tall grass ahead, "i like looking nice," you mumble, a little embarrassed. you can feel the careful way the sweet, old servant (she turned seventy last week!) had arranged your hair, and the press of the bow keeping it every lock in place.

"well, if you ever decide to look like you're not on your way to sit for a court painting, let me know," gojo says, smirking (he thinks he's funny) as he waves his 'sword' around, battling on the false frontlines.

but despite yourself, you laugh, and quicken your pace to keep up with him, and so, gojo slows just a bit, enough that you're walking side by side now, and his arm brushes against yours.

"did you know that they say that this shrine is spooked?" he asks, his voice falling to a dramatic whisper.

"i live here, satoru. obviously, duh," and the shrine comes into view, and it's small, weathered with age, but to you, it looks grand and mysterious, even magical, "do you believe it's haunted?"

gojo shrugs, unfazed, "nah, probably just an old rock. but it would be cool if it was. maybe, we'll see a ghost."

now you've taken a hesitant step back, but gojo just grins, grabbing your wrist and pulling you forward, and his hand is warm and steady in yours.

"c'mon, don't be a chicken," he teases, laughing as he drags you closer, and you plant your feet firmly in the ground, watching as clouds begin to roll over the sky, ominous and gloomy.

oh, this place is definitely haunted. your father was right, it's so over for you now. a massive, ugly curse is going to pop out and eat you alive, and steal your pretty hair bow. you mutter a small prayer under your breath. gojo satoru, you will pay for this.

✉️ — 2000. 💬 — you.

you'd always heard whispers about yourself from the other kids, how you were too quiet, or you tried far too hard to be perfect — unwilling to roughhouse the way they did. perhaps they were right, and it was true that you preferred to sit alone. you think it was the feeling of order you enjoyed, of a world you could control, even if it was just through lines on a piece of paper.

but today, their voices were louder than usual. a small group had gathered near the cherry blossom tree where you'd settle yourself, and they circled around like hungry wolves sniffing out something they could tear apart.

one girl wrinkled her nose and called you prissy (well, okay) and another boy had snickered and muttered that you were so boring, and it was a wonder that you even had a friend like gojo.

ouch.

their words felt like small, precise cuts, sharper than expected. you had heard these things before. after all, everyone had reached the age where they were aware of their abilities, their techniques as jujutsu sorcerers.

you didn't mind your own technique, making sure to channel time and energy to learn so you could grow up and be as good as your father one day (a well established sorcerer in his own right, if a bit out of shape).

but you didn't have to be very smart to know that gojo's abilities stood out entirely in a different way, and you heard your parents whisper in hushed tones at how lucky his clan was to have a child like that. with the right training and moulding, he could be the most powerful man to walk the earth.

how silly. gojo was all laughs, and smiles, and stupid jokes and bright, clever eyes. you thought it was dumb how they all spoke about an eleven year old boy like he was a weapon, kept in its sheath until it was ready to be drawn.

but of course, all the kids wanted to be friends with him instead. and today, these barbs hurt more — and you kept your eyes down, clutching your books a bit tighter, willing for these supposed 'friends' of yours to go away.

but before you could say anything, you heard his stomps.

"hey!"

gojo's voice was unmistakable, sharp and sudden as he clamoured over, all brashness and bravado. he had gotten a bad haircut recently (entirely his own fault for thinking he could put scissors to his own hair, but you had laughed so hard as he swore curses) so white tufts stuck out all over his head, making him look like he got stuck in a wall socket, even crazier than usual.

but gojo didn't look at you, just planted himself between you and the group, bruised fists clenched (they trained him too hard), and shoulders set, "what's your problem?"

the other kids stammered, clearly surprised, but that didn't stop him, he who looked like a small, lanky and angry polar bear.

"you think you're so funny? talking like that? say it again, and i'll knock your teeth out."

"ah, satoru -" you ran your tongue behind your teeth, the last thing everyone needed was another fight of bruised pride, and yanked hair, rolling around in the dust.

but one of the boys had muttered something under his breath, taking a half-step back. the others followed, shuffling, rolling their eyes and looking anywhere but at you and gojo.

and your best friend didn't move until they had scattered completely, leaving behind only the faint echos of their derision as they fled. and then he turned to you, his scowl fading into something kinder (good, you didn't like seeing him so upset) as he dropped onto the bench, beside you, pulling his knee up onto the bench so he could rest his chin against it casually.

"they're just idiots," he said, rolling his eyes, and his voice was softer, playful again, "don't listen to them."

you gave him a small smile, nodding, as the knot in chest loosened a little, "i wasn't really listening to them," you murmured, even though you probably knew that was a bold-faced lie.

gojo released a loud laugh, much too loud and forced, as he nudged you with his elbow, and he must have known it too, but he was smiling, "good, that's the spirit."

You managed a small smile, nodding, the knot in your chest loosening a little.

the world was quiet again as you both sat in silence, the soft breeze ruffling the grass and the cherry blossoms overhead. and then, with a shyer glance, you managed to look over at your friend, watching as messy tufts of his snowy hair moved ever so slightly in the breeze.

"thanks, 'toru," you said, quietly, but he just shrugged it off, brushing it away as though it was nothing.

"hey, what am i here for?"

✉️ — 2003. 💬 — you.

gojo was sprawled across your wide bed, looking at you as if you were the most ridiculous person in the entire world. his own suitcase sat beside him, already paced with the very few things he needed, and now he watched you with that eager, restless gleam in his blue eyes, like he could barely sit still.

"you're so overthinking this," he said, bright voice full of impatience, "just throw some stuff in a bag, and we're good to go. it's just tokyo, not the end of the world."

you scowled at the boy, holding up two sweaters; one sensible in a shade of pale blue, and the other thick, deep red and woollen, "but what if it gets cold? or rains?"

gojo rolled his eyes, throwing his head back dramatically onto your pillow, hands behind his head as he sprawled around like a snooty prince with all the time in the world.

"it's summer, it's tokyo, and it's not like we're moving to america," he smiled, "besides, if you pack any slower, we'll miss our first year."

you tried to brush it off, and something about his easy confidence made you feel a sharp twinge of nerve. this was really happening, you were truly leaving the bounds of your family estates, stepping out into the world, to attend jujutsu tech, a school in tokyo that you had heard so much about. well, there was another school here, in kyoto, but god, it would just be nice to get out of these ancient walls.

and yet -

gojo simply looked like he couldn't wait to shake the dust of his home off his sneakers, you felt something pull at you, like a sudden-appearing string that tied you to your home city, and it wouldn't let you go.

your best friend had caught the look on your face, and softened — just a bit, as he twiddled with a brand new pair of sunglasses, and he sat up closer, watching you carefully, "you're really going to miss it here, aren't you?"

and you shrugged, fidgeting with the sleeves of the red sweater, "i don't know. maybe, i suppose. don't you feel that way at all, satoru?"

he shook his head, resolute, "not even a little," but he saw your uncertainty, "listen, you'll be fine. you'll love tokyo. and hey," he nudged you gently with his knee, "i'll be right there with you anyway."

you appreciated that his confidence felt like a promise, something that you could at least hold onto, even in the big capital, and with a big, exaggerated sigh you tossed both sweaters into the suitcase.

"finally!"

✉️ — 2003. 💬 — gojo.

the both of you had arrived, bright-eyed and tired, as he clambered off the tall bus that had parked on the outskirts of tokyo, where jujutsu high was located.

gojo stood beside you, hands stuffed in his denim pockets, plastering a disinterested expression on his face. but he couldn't help how his eyes flittered to the sid,e underneath the dark shades of his glasses, watching you fawn over another new student, another boy who had arrived from some small town, who-knows-where, from a non-sorcerer family.

geto suguru.

well it was no lie that gojo liked him a lot too. there was no denying that he seemed polite, clever, maybe a bit shy. and effortlessly cool.

gojo had grown up in the stifling, grand estates of the big clans, constantly fussed over, and robed in fine silks printed with his clan motifs. all of those stuffy rules would sit, push around and make space in one's head, like a constant mantra from the elders.

he didn't need to look at you too closely to see what was going on, and he could tell right away, just from how you reacted. your smile stretched wider, and your eyes lit up like you were meeting someone who you really wanted to talk to.

geto who hadn't even changed into his uniform yet, with his stray strands of dark hair falling out of the knot on the back of his head, looking politely aloof, but cheerful, in worn black jeans and converse, and some baggy band t-shirt that would get gojo scolded by his mother for even wearing that inside the estate.

gojo noticed everything, especially the way your fingers slipped up to tuck your hair behind your ear when geto grinned at you (all because you’d recognised the band on his t-shirt, so what?) he saw how your eyes brightened, like geto suguru had unlocked some hidden code only you could decipher.

it annoyed him to realise that geto's calm, quiet charm was exactly the kind of thing you’d be drawn to. that’s what you liked, wasn’t it? the understated, thoughtful types who let the world come to them. not the loudmouth who cracked jokes at every opportunity, hoping to pull a laugh from his best friend.

well, fuck, he had to be a part of this too now.

✉️ — 2005. 💬 — both.

gojo's new obsession had a sleek, silver body and an olympus logo stamped on it in black, a camera that he'd been itching to buy; refusing to settle for anything less than the latest model. suddenly, he was determined to capture tokyo through his own eyes, and you and your friends had quickly become his reluctant muses on an impromptu day trip to the ameya-yokocho market.

"stop! stay right there, don't move! fuck, no! a little to the left!"

he waved his hands around, motioning for everyone to gather just as he wanted. you all exchanged amused glances, with shoko huffing around dramatically, as gojo crouched down on his long legs, then stood back up, and then crouched down again, as one of jujutsu high's most powerful sorcerers struggled to bring a camera into focus.

eventually, geto had laughed — raven hair falling over his beautiful face, and had gotten up to help gojo, fiddling with the lens as the rest of you milled around.

and then, suddenly gojo turned the camera directly on you. he pointed his finger your way, wide grin half-hidden but unmistakably earnest, 'c'mon, turn that frown upside down!'

he needn't have said a word, just seeing your best friend there, with his hair tousled and carefree grin, with the camera strap hanging off his neck, was enough to make you laugh, the kind that felt as bright as it sounded.

and so, you found yourself standing in the middle of the bustling market street, surrounded by friends and fellow students, and the lively hum of the weekend crowds, as you looked directly into the lens, with your smile softening under his gaze, as though the rest of the world had blurred into the background.

afterwards, gojo had taken a good look at the photo, and he didn't say much, but the look on his face lingered, almost like he was seeing something that he wasn't sure he was allowed to hold onto. you had shyly asked him later, coming up beside his shoulder, whether he had printed a spare copy of the photo, but he shook his head with the lie rolling off his tongue.

love was a selfish endeavour, to its core. he wasn’t about to tell you that he wanted to keep that photo for himself. and later, when no-one was looking, he slipped the small print into his wallet, right between his train pass and some spare change.

✉️ — 2006. 💬 — you.

your best friend, your dear satoru, had always been resilient; the kind of guy who threw himself at life with reckless energy, shrugging off injuries like they were just a part of the ride. he'd laugh off a scraped knee or a bloodied lip, flashing that cocky grin and a shrug as if pain was something for other people.

life for you went on, with your own routines and small moments. you learnt long ago that you didn't quite possess the natural, raw sheer jujutsu power that gojo had (or geto for that matter) but you could certainly hold your own in a scuffle. regardless, you had chosen to turn to academics, flitting between classes and study sessions, arm in arm with sweet shoko.

there was joy in sneaking off campus with friends, or scrolling through lists of new albums to download onto your mp3 player (you had been partial to the south korean boyband, tvxq!).

and so, life seemed both incredibly mundane and slightly electric, with days marked by shy smiles and inside jokes, with walks home on the streets wet from the spring rain.

but it had been late summer when gojo had returned from that last mission, when the days were still long and hot and the afternoons were bathed in a thick, heavy amber. and he had come back...different.

he moved carefully, as though each step was suspicious and took more effort than he'd let on, and his usual bright glimmer was dimmed, his laughter quiet, and his smiles withheld like a rare currency. he'd sit through the long evenings with you, in silence more often than not, hands stuffed into his wide pockets as he stared at a place that you just couldn't reach.

when you'd catch him alone in the courtyard after class, he'd be training hard, working through his cursed techniques with a relentless focus, perfecting each hand gesture as if he could shake off whatever shadow lingered behind him. and sometimes, he'd stay for hours after school, practicing beneath the dying and dusty light of the last days of summer, as if he could not afford to stop, to rest.

“gojo?” you called, hesitating as he finished a strike to some poor unsuspecting pile of soda cans, leaving them obliterated in the heat. “what's going on with you?”

he paused mid-motion, glancing at you, his face carefully blank. and you hated that, you hated how the flicker of distress would pass from his face before being schooled into that carefully constructed mask of 'the strongest.'

i love you, idiot. i love you, i love you, tell me what's bothering you and i will help, you're my best friend.

but these words never saw the light of day, always curling up and choking up in your throat, and instead being twisted into feigned, casual interest. losing the cloak of deep devotion that you held for a friend of ten years.

"oh - hey! nothing," gojo replied, too quickly, with that half-cocked smile that painted over his pink lips, "nothing that deep."

lately, this repeated lie had been hanging in the air between you, clear as the last streaks of summer sunlight that would soon give way to fall.

you crossed your arms over your uniform, dark fabric crinkling, "you're not fooling anyone, you know. geto told me about the mission, he said that you —," you swallowed, with the words just as heavy as the steadfast beat of your heart that you kept under lock and key, "he said you shouldn't have come back. what does that even mean?"

gojo's face flickered again, just for a second, before he barked out that irritating, false chuckle, "guess it's a good thing you weren't sent on tengen's fuckin' mission then," before reaching out and snatching your strawberry milk carton from your hands with a grin.

after a few punctuated slurps and lip-smacking (just to watch your face redden in fury, gojo would admit) he spoke again, voice strained, "you'd probably be crying about it still."

"hey!" you protested, grabbing for the carton again, prying his slender fingers off your sweet treat, "i don't cry that easily."

"could've fooled me. you cried during that american movie about zoo animals."

"madagascar was a sad movie about displacement and the loss of home! i know animal rights activists hate to see your ass coming to the zoo."

gojo snickered, drawing out the words, "fuck that zebra," but now, he was looking off into the golden haze of a beautiful sunset, with that frayed grin, "seriously, though. it's fine, it's all in the past."

over time, gojo never spoke many a word about what happened to the star plasma vessel, but he just seemed to move forward, like he always had. his resolve somehow sharper, tighter, and his laughter more intense when it finally did return. there were moments when you'd catch him staring into the great expanse of nothing, haunted (but beautiful), though he'd just shrug and smile when you prodded him about.

✉️ — 2007. 💬 — gojo.

gojo thought he was astoundingly self-aware, in his own humble opinion. he never let anything get to him, that was the trick, you see. to take life as it came at you, to carry that fire and stubbornness and throw it back in the face of the trouble.

and so he wanted to be angry, to be furious. why had suguru done this? why?

he had known that geto, one of his dearest friends (one who always been so sure of himself) had fallen into disquiet lately, and even gojo had prodded him on whether he had lost weight through sleepless nights. but suguru would have just turned his head back to his book, lost in thought, with his dark hair loose around his face.

had he been blind? how had suguru's silence been covered by what gojo (privately) considered his own loud, defiant return? no, he knew of ghosts. he knew that some spirits and spectres could not be shaken, and sometimes when gojo himself closed his eyes, he could feel the sharp sting of an assassin's blade ramming through his throat, leaving him for dead.

but to murder over a hundred innocent people...

you had found him alone that evening, where he had sprawled over the stairs as the sunset blazed, painting them aglow in dusky hues. but gojo could barely notice any of this beauty, and so he just stared, lost in his thoughts that wouldn't settle.

(are you the strongest because you're satoru gojo? or are you satoru gojo because you're the strongest?)

he didn't hear you approach, until you placed a gentle hand on his shoulders, causing him to flinch, surprised out of his sorrowful reverie.

the warmth of your touch steadied him, and he glanced at you out of the corner of his eye, and he wondered how you could always seem to know exactly when he needed you most.

but the thought twisted, sharp and bitter, for what if you would follow suguru the same way? had you not often looked at geto with light in your eyes? and you had never looked at him like that.

what if, someday, you left him the same way? what if you turned around and saw someone else worth following? he couldn't help his fists from clenching, tension rippling down his shoulders and painfully gripping his head.

"suguru..." his voice came out quieter than he meant, with a crack that he couldn't quite hide, and he heard you sharply inhale, "i can't believe he's gone. i don't know if...if i'll ever see him again. why would he -?"

you still didn't say anything, just tightening your hand on his shoulder. and satoru hated it. hated that he wanted to lean into the weight of your touch, hated that this is what being the strongest now entailed. that now he was plagued by fear, of losing you, of watching you slip through his fingers into another's orbit.

i'm only seventeen. what happened to my youth?

the thoughts are acidic, cynical and they leave him angry (with the world, with the higher ups, with himself, with his parents) and he can't help himself from blurting out the next question.

"did you like him?"

gojo tries to keep his tone light and casual, but he loathes how he sounds pleading, heavier. he feels the embarrassment of vulnerability shroud him as you meet his eyes, and he hates how your eyes are teary too.

you shouldn't cry. ever.

"like? as in like?"

"as in love," gojo mutters, "shoko said you did."

you sniff, and now your head is leaning on his shoulder and he can inhale the scent of your shampoo (apples? caramel?) and despite the crick in his neck, he lowers his shoulder further down so you are more comfortable.

"shoko talks too much sometimes," you laugh weakly, "but probably. i think i did."

gojo tries to tamper down the acrid lurch in his stomach, but you continue, "i think i did love him. but so did shoko. so did nanami, and haibara back when, -" you sigh, "and so did you. we all loved him. he was our friend."

his fingers had been hovering close to your hand for a while, almost as if he couldn't help himself, the pull. finally, he slid his smallest finger to let it curl around yours, drawing out a memory from over a decade ago.

"tell you what, when i become my clan head, i'll make sure you get the nicest robes, how's that?" "promise?" "why not?"

how silly that the hardest things in life had once been a bored child, and his new friend who fretted about her future wardrobe.

and when you clasped in hand entirely in its return, gojo's breath caught, his throat tightening. the words that he wanted to say, to spill from his throat, hovered in his mind but there was no infinite word strong enough to bring them out.

he wasn't an idiot, he wasn't daft and unobservant, he knew exactly what he wanted to say to you, to tell you from his lips to yours. but the way his heart laid itself bare in that moment unsettled him deeply, not the yearning itself, but how fierce it was. it disgusted him, the rawness of his desire, exposed right there in the open, where anyone could see it, including you. especially you.

with a realisation that was long coming, beneath the golden wash of the setting sun, he sighed deeply. if he ever lost you, if you ever looked at him with the same betrayal that he'd seen in suguru's eyes, he didn't know if he could survive it. it would cut deeper than his infinity could bear.

he tried speaking again, "if you ever -" but he doesn't get the chance to speak before you're leaning further into him, a quiet sniffle punctuating the silence.

"i won't."

✉️ — the next decade... 💬 — you.

"sweetheart, honey, my precious pumpkin pie."

you shot gojo a death glare, his attempt at flamboyant charm bouncing right off you, "i hate you. never speak to me again."

and your gaze dropped to what was left of your beautiful hermès scarf, once a beautiful concoction of cream-white silk, now reduced to tatters that fluttered pitifully in your hands, stained with some suspicious green goop.

you had cherished this pricey product, but gojo, in his infinite wisdom had decided to pick it up as a perfect blindfold right before a gnarly mission. and so, it got tangled with a nasty curse, and met its tragic, shredded end.

gojo raised his brows, feigning the innocence of a cherub, blinking his long lashes, "i'm sorry, i'll get you a new one, baby."

he drew out the pet name with exaggerated gusto that made you snarl, "enough with the pet names. you are a grown ass man."

and you gave him a first shove in the ribs that made the strongest sorcerer in the world stagger dramatically, only to catch himself with that easy grin still plastered on his face.

but before you could storm off and mourn whatever was left of your one-million yen possession, gojo darted in front of you, blocking your path with his ridiculously long arms. "come on, let me make it up to you, what if i had died on that mission?" he pleaded, looking at you with mock sincerity.

"i wouldn't have even come to the funeral," you sniffed, sticking your nose in the air, ignoring the fake choking sounds that came from the man as he clutched his chest.

months had turned into years, where you and gojo had grown up and graduated jujutsu tech together, carrying triumphs (you won valedictorian, out of a grand total of eight students), losses (gojo was a notoriously bad driver and almost crashed the car that the two of you were in) and countless moments in between.

the two of you had returned to your alma mater as teachers, and mentors, guiding younger sorcerers who were much like you'd once been; eager, impatient, and a little rough around the edges.

gojo took to teaching like he did most things, with his own reckless charm and devil-may-care attitude. he'd joke about skipping staff meetings, but he'd be there anyway, leaning back in his chair with his legs sprawled underneath him, mouthing snarky comments that only you could hear.

you'd like to think you'd grown more confident, no longer the uncertain teenager who used to glance at herself twice in the mirror. time had given you the chance to learn your strengths, and exorcising curses had left you all the more enduring.

gojo had noticed, though he'd never say it outright. he'd make some teasing comment about the way you would boss around a room, and you'd roll your eyes as you nudged him telling him that you had learnt from the biggest ego in tokyo. but sometimes, he'd watch you a little longer than he should, with that flicker in his gaze that he thought you hadn't noticed.

some things hadn't changed at all, and he still came back to you after every mission, every right. you'd hear him shuffling in from down the hall, his paper bags of desserts swinging as he tried to balance it along with his jacket, and whatever ridiculous trinket he'd picked up for you that week (you kept every single one).

and there the two of you would be, sitting cross-legged on your apartment floor, sharing sweets straight out of the boxes. he'd pass you a slice of cheesecake that he insisted that you simply must try, nudging your hand until your fingers enveloped his.

wouldn't it be a lie to claim that you didn't bask in the warmth of your best friend's gaze, even as he feigned interest in some story that he had overhead from the students on his way over from the school, with his low laughter filling the quiet around you.

sometimes, in the silence that would fall after the conversation ebbed, he’d reach over and trace circles absentmindedly on the back of your hand with his thumb, as if it were the most natural thing in the world. neither of you would move or speak. gojo would be looking anywhere but at you, yet his hand wouldn’t let go, tethering you to him in a way that made the apartment feel smaller — almost as if you’d already crossed some line neither of you dared to talk about.

what a pain to be haunted by someone who was already living and breathing right in front of you. sometimes, it left you nauseous, ill, and even screaming into your pillow after he left, and dialing shoko's number so she could give you an earful.

✉️ — october, 2018 💬 — you.

your car idled at the curb, the sounds of the city filtering in through the barely open window, with the faint chill of the october night brushing against your skin.

gojo looked up from his phone, tapping his fingers on the screen, and there was a sober look on his face that made your stomach twist. you watched as he ran his head through his white hair, and sighed, his eyes still on the screen.

"apparently i was summoned by name," he said quietly, "to shibuya. whatever curtain's been set up is only allowing sorcerers through."

you kept one hand on the wheel, "ijichi reached out to me too, but he wants me covering the perimeter on the other side, away from the metro. but who would summon you by name?"

"i know. do you think it's...?"

"the traitor everyone's guessing about? who else?"

gojo scoffed a little, "fuckin' surprise," he muttered, casting you a glance that spoke volumes of protectiveness, one that made you lurch ever so slightly. his eyes met yours, an unspoken worry passing between you. you bit the inside of your lip to keep yourself from blurting out the words that lived in the forefront of your mind.

and so, gojo reached for the door handle, and you saw him hesitate as his fingers drummed against the door, before pulling his blindfold up, "well, stay safe, yeah?"

you swallowed, trying to find some false platitude to offer back, "hey, i will if you will."

he gave a short laugh that must have not fully reached his eyes, but it softened the rest of his beautiful face in that way that you loved, "y'know, we could have been going trick-or-treating. dressed like idiots, stuffing our face with candy."

"tweedledee and tweedledum?"

gojo snorted, "next year then."

you hummed, "i'll keep that idea then, tweedledumb."

the bow of his lips quirked, and he looked away again before pushing himself out of the car, stepping out onto the suddenly cold, quiet sidewalk (too quiet, where was everyone?)

he paused, turning back to you through the window, as he lifted his hand up in a small wave, and you could tell he wanted to say something else — but the moment passed, and he closed his mouth, smiling instead in that way of his that said everything without a single word. and he pushed his hands back into his pocket, strolling away as you sat there, suddenly ever so lonely in your silent car, as chills went down your spine.

✉️ — october, 2018 💬 — you.

"gojo satoru has been sealed."

what the fuck?

the world has slowed down, every sound muffled as if you'd been submerged underwater. shibuya had left gojo sealed in the prison realm by...no. it couldn't be.

suguru geto was dead. dead, executed. had it not been almost a year? you had mourned, gojo had grieved. and yet, the impossible had clawed its way into reality, leaving you feeling like you were teetering on the edge of something dark and unknowable.

soon the shock twisted into dread, an icy grip that clenched tight around your chest, left the blood draining from your face. god, your hair must just turn as white as his from the stress alone. your best friend, the one who had been beside you in sickness and health.

it was cruel, you thought, to not even be allowed the time to fall apart, now now. there was little space for it in the chaos that had erupted the next day, when waves of curses crashed through the city like nothing you had ever seen. what fresh hell was this, you wondered as you nursed a nasty set of wounds, trailing after (tormented, sweet, far too young) itadori yuji, and his supposed older brother, some blood manipulation user that had done his fair share of damage throughout the night.

the culling games.

the brutality of it shocked you, and several times during the upcoming days, you had to blink back hot tears as sorcerers were summoned, drafted, and thrown into what was quickly a gladiator spectacle, some devilry concocted from geto's, no, kenjaku's mind. and the stakes were not just your own survival, but the students you had mentored — the young souls who had grown under your watch, and needed you now more than ever.

it quickly cost you an eye. a clash with a fierce, blood-thirsty wayward sorcerer had left you bloody and bruised with a clean gash that ran through your right eye, and you had screamed, taken a life even. only the baritone, dulcet tone of the yuji's half-curse brother (choso? a member of the kamo clan? since when did half-curses even exist?) had pulled you away from launching the contents of your stomach over the pavement, as you stared at the crimson dripping off your hands. were you supposed to be grateful that you had survived this, when so many others had not? yuji's tears had kept you awake in the night, his sobs when he thought that no-one could hear him.

gojo's absence had become a wound, raw, with a side of constant ache that you could feel with every waking heartbeat. and so you tried to fight hard with his voice echoing in your ears, remembering the half-smile he'd flash when you'd land a difficult hit, or the grateful look in his eyes knowing that his students were safe.

days blurred together, and nights bled into ceaseless combat, of the terror of being on the run, and still gojo was with you. the thought of finding him, the thought of him being unsealed from the prison realm almost had you blurting false, desparate promises to the sky that you would tell him exactly what you felt for him, bare your heart out in its entirety for him to hold in his hands.

like it had always been.

✉️ — november, 2018 💬 — you.

it was surreal seeing him again, unsealed and standing there against the burnt umber of the sky, rough around the edges but undeniably gojo. nineteen days of living with the ache of his absence, of waking every morning with a hollow flower blooming in your chest, he was here — alive, breathing, real.

but god, it had been so beautiful to meet his blue gaze once more, and that fleeting smile cross his face before he rushed to pull you into his arms, closing the distance and pulling you into his arms with a new strength that almost lifted you off your feet. and if you closed your eye, you could pretend that nothing had happened, nothing at all. that it was just you pressed against the warm, beating heart in gojo's chest, unrestrained and fierce as thick arms pulled you close, filling your senses with smoke, and earth, and long-spilt blood.

"don't you look eye catching?"

you huffed and leaned away from him, slamming your fist on hard muscle in exasperation, but if you hadn't turned your gaze away, you would have seen gojo's eyes twitch as he took in your battle-worn appearance, the scar that ran underneath bandages where an eye would have once been. if you had paid more attention, you would have heard his intake of breath as he ran his tongue behind his teeth, with a vow, a promise.

"guess who's going to kick sukuna's ass so far back to the heian era," gojo murmured, and you let out a shaky laugh that echoes all the way down to the marrows of your bones.

"yeah, i thought you were just all talk."

"i'm still alive, aren't i?" he shot back, cocky and boyish once more, and your eyes traced over him, drinking in every small change, the sharper clench in his jaw, the tautness in his frame, the way his shoulders seemed broader, like he had been carved up in the prison realm anew. and it leaves you melancholic.

in another universe, the two of you were still young, hand in hand underneath the blue sky as the cool breeze ran through your hair. but battles had turned to war, and the night had no time for what ifs.

"hey, don't go worrying about me," gojo murmured, almost as though he had caught the shadow in your heart, and he plastered a grin on his face, stretching his toned arms in some show of nonchalance, but his gaze lingered on the ruins too long, on the mottled group of assembled sorcerers who seemed to brim with new-found confidence at his return.

and when he finally looked back at you with a new dullness in your eyes, a heaviness you hadn't seen in a long time. it left a dead weight in your chest, but you forced yourself to return his own bland smile, playing along with the front he was trying to maintain, "well, i guess i'll have to keep you out of trouble from now on."

✉️ — november-december, 2018 💬 — you.

the month began to stretch and pass in a blur on the endless horizon, complete with the aching and unbearable waiting where you knew something was going to happen, and yet you did not know when and where. shoko had forgone her own exhausation to see to the rest of the wounds, the ones that had festered under bandages and grimes, leaving faint trails over your skin but she had shaken her head sadly when it came to the socket on your face, even she could not restore an eye.

gojo had swapped his suits and jackets for loose martial pants, and a tight black top that had clung to the muscular frame that he'd honed over the years, laughing off your concerns like they were nothing more than passing clouds.

"don't fret," he'd say, "how bad could this be? you know i told yuji once that even if sukuna was at his full power, i'd still wipe the floor with him. you believe me right?"

you weren't sure if his question was cocky, or a plea, and the fatigue had caused you to snap, "and now, yuji flinches when he hears loud sounds, and he's just another kid who can't fuckin' stop wringing his hands in blood! look what you've done to him!"

gojo's eyes had twitched afterwards, the corner of his mouth pulling down, but he hadn't gotten angry. and you hated it. you hated it all.

but you had wanted to believe in him, in his optimism. you wanted to let his smooth words settle into your bones like the warm comfort they should have been. but how could you feel at ease when everyone was now playing a role? each sorcerer in this building was feigning whatever mask or persona that they had painted and drawn across their face, just as you had. just as gojo did.

but nothing was the same anymore.

and neither were you.

the loss of your eye, the streaks of scars on your skin haunted you. it felt cowardly to say, but this was not the life you should have lived. you simply just didn't see yourself as strong enough, and your eyes watered thinking about the days when you dallied under a clear sky, skirts swaying along the grass as you trailed after your best friend, catching fireflies, exploring shrines, falling to the earth in child-like innocence.

the hollow space on your face, the empty socket served as a reminder of what you had survived, of the world that had fallen into pieces. was there anyone here who would recognise themselves in the mirror anymore?

some nights, the world felt impossibly still, and you would sit at the window and press your hands to the cold of the glass as you watched a scarred city sprawl ahead of you.

you didn't turn at the sound of footsteps at first, and you sat there, with your fingers still dancing on the edge of the window. you closed your eyes as you felt him approach, close, but not enough — you wished he would sit by you, press his soft head to your own, close enough for you to hold him in your hands, curl into his skin.

"satoru, can you make another promise?"

gojo's steps had paused, just a breath but it was enough to know that you had his attention. but when he spoke, "please tell me we're not doing theatrics right now," his voice was laced with that same dismissive edge that he always used when he was trying to push the truth far away.

"can't you shut up, just once? promise me you won't let sukuna kill you, i can't even imagine -" and how irritating, and how melancholic (fuck, this was like a bad soap opera) that your throat was already tightening, your voice wavering with tears that you had been holding back for weeks.

for a moment, gojo didn't respond, and he just stood there and you needn't have turned around to know that there was no trace of laughter nor joy on his face. no easy smirk to deflect the gravity of your well-founded fears. and the silence left you cold.

for the first time, you were suddenly hoping that he might say something blasé, to tell you to stop worrying, to brush it off and just reassure you. but he didn't, he was quiet.

and so you turned to face him, and you felt almost villainous for verbalising your future grief like this, to one who must already have carried such an eternal, heavy burden.

no longer did the blue of his eyes shine like a spring sky, with feather-like clouds that danced in his iris. now, there was only a fractured storm. and god, you loathed that for the first time in what must have been years, his own face was reddening, his eyes suddenly teary, clouds gathering torrential rain.

you knew he hated being seen like this. over a decade of holding him close to your heart had made you privy to his ways, to the way that he'd furiously rub at his face when upset, as if he could will the distress away and hide his tears.

gojo had outstretched his little finger towards you now, hooking it with your own, and your heart stuttered as he brought your finger to his lips, so quick that a ghost may have brushed your skin, with the seal of a promise.

"i will try. god, i swear, i...i promise, i will try." and you knew that gojo satoru was scared, terrified even of what december 24th would bring.

"i -"

you wanted to say it all, wanted to tell him everything. but the words stuck in your throat, love and want and need and ferocious, capricious grief all sat lodged within your beating heart that was so tightly bound in iron chains.

it was a shameful thing. you should have sat there, and comforted him instead. should have told him that it was alright, and you did not know a more powerful and capable sorcerer than he, that he'd leave sukuna in ashes. should have laid your hand on his brow to soothe the lines away from his pale, streaked face.

but you had always been selfish, held onto your heart like a being of folklore, guarded and self-assuming. you wept heart-aching tears, feeling them pool in your sleeves, and run hot salt trails over your lips. maybe it was a testament to how much gojo satoru loved you too, that he could not bear to see you in such grief, and he hesitated.

then he turned to leave you by the window.

✉️ — december 24, 2018 💬 — you.

the turn of the year felt cold, far too chilly, even though the night was still young. the city lights twinkled in solitary clumps outside, but they were just as dim as the heavy weight in your chest. the walls seemed to close in as gojo prepared to leave, to face sukuna — the king of curses. and you couldn't shake the feeling that something was slipping through your fingers, something that you would never be able to grasp again, no matter how tightly you gripped.

everyone had wished him luck, calling your their bravest words of encouragement as he walked past them, their voices echoing through the hall, as they slapped him on the back.

they all cheered the same platitudes.

"go fuck sukuna up!"

"language!"

"sorry, choso."

"show him what you're made of!"

"prove that you're not just a pretty face, gojo!"

and so you had plastered the same smile on your face, hoping that it would reach your eyes as gojo winked at you, "hey, before you start telling me off, now it's your turn to promise me something."

you had cocked your head up at him, ignoring shoko's narrowed, tired eyes, "yeah?"

"mhm," satoru nodded, pulling his arms around you, "after this, after all this bullshit, we get to take a vacation."

a barked laugh escaped you, before it collapsed into a giggle, "you want paid leave? that's all it is?"

your best friend's large hands gripped you, flat against your back, "yeah, that's all there is. we're gonna go take a holiday, sit by the beach, watch the ocean. keep it simple."

"a picnic too, eh?"

gojo nodded, humming, "we'll plan everything. about time we got to take a break. i'll be back before you even know it."

you felt his voice hitch against your ear, and your heart twisted painfully in response, he wasn't saying it but you both knew the cold truth, there was a real chance that he may never come back. before your vision could blur, you pressed his lips to his cheek, letting them linger for a moment on smooth skin (and you felt his arms tighten around you) and hoped that whatever you hoped to say, whatever spine you lacked, could be expressed so swiftly.

"come back then, please. i'll be ready." you whispered between his skin and your lips, the tremble leaving no space for air in your lungs.

for a moment, he didn't answer, just held you, and you tried to focus on the feeling of his chest rising and falling in slow, measured breaths. then, just as you were about to pull away, he spoke, the words falling from his mouth, so familiar and so effortless.

"of course i will. i always do."

there was a flicker of something raw there in his eyes, and you had seen it both before and after shibuya. his lips parted as if he were about to say something, but whatever it was, it never came. instead, he just nodded, a silent promise — unspoken, but felt deep in your bones.

without another word, he turned toward the door. and just before stepping out, he looked back one last time. that smile, that arrogant, confident smile that always made your heart race —i t was there, but it wasn’t the same. it was stretched thin, fragile. his blue eyes were tired, haunted, and for a moment, you saw the truth — the part of him he always kept hidden. the fear. the doubt.

"i'll be back," he repeated, but this time, it didn’t sound like a joke. it sounded like a prayer. a desperate, half-broken promise from the closest thing that the world had to a god.

you couldn’t speak. your heart was lodged in your throat, and the words that you needed to say just wouldn’t come. you wanted to tell him that you loved him, that you always had, that you were scared to lose him, that the world without him in it felt like a hollow echo of what it could be. but you couldn’t.

instead, you just nodded, your face a mask of emotions you couldn’t express.

and then, with one final look, a look that held everything neither of you had the courage to say — he stepped out into the cold, his footsteps fading into the distance.

✉️ — december 24, 2018 💬 — you.

gojo satoru was dead.

dead. killed.

for a moment, you stood frozen in the doorway of shoko's office, numbness seeping into your bones with a furious grief as you stared at the cold, unmoving form that was once satoru.

fuck, there was bile in your throat as a once lively boy now lay in four pieces, cleanly sliced by sukuna's unforgiving technique, and the sight was a nightmare made so real, something that you just couldn't reconcile with the man who had once been so vibrantly alive.

the warmth that had always clung to him had vanished, leaving his skin pale in the grasp of rigor mortis, and his lips were still flecked with dried blood that had painted a stark contrast against his stiff skin.

and his eyes, those striking blue eyes that used to glint with love and hope and dreams, were now dull, and still open. you had not the heart to close them, for once your hand pulled his eyelids down, you would never see them again, never look into his eyes until it was your time to pass from the circles of the world.

the last thing you’d seen of him had been that cocky grin, that wink that seemed so unbreakable, that laugh that lingered even as he left your embrace. he’d held you, promised you that he would come back, but now, as you stood there, that promise felt like a cruel lie, something that should’ve warned you but instead gave you nothing but hope.

you choked on a breath, your hand coming up to your mouth as you felt the weight of your unspoken words sink down like lead. i should have told him. you’d wanted to say it all, to let him know how much he meant to you, to tell him that he was your everything. but the words had died in your throat, held back by fear, by the delusion that there’d always be another chance, that he’d always come back.

you’d believed him. you’d believed, with every part of yourself, that he’d make it out alive.

but here he was, torn apart, the last shreds of life stolen from him by the king of curses. you had seen him being cut down, like a sheaf of wheat under a god's sickle, how sudden and gut wrenching it had been, and for the second time in a month, you had been on the edge of hurling onto the stone. but this time, the half-curse beside you, choso, hadn't stopped you from losing the contents of your stomach, as instead he had pressed his younger brother's cries to his broad chest, the grief swallowing the entire room.

gojo hadn’t been given the chance to fight back, hadn’t even been able to draw a breath before he’d been torn apart. and that final thought — that he’d been caught off guard, helpless, alone in his last moments — left you feeling shattered, grief clawing at you with merciless hands.

your knees felt weak as you moved toward him, your trembling fingers reaching out to touch his face, cold and unyielding beneath your hand. you traced the lines of his face, memorising every detail, as if somehow, through touch alone, you could keep a piece of him with you. a tear slipped down your cheek, landing on his lips, lips that had once murmured promises, had brushed against your skin in fleeting, unspoken moments. the tear brought moisture once more to the blood that splattered his face, but quickly, it disappeared, drying and taking away any life.

"i should’ve told you,” you whispered, your voice broken, raw, laced with the pain of regret, "i don't know if you ever knew how much i loved you."

you closed your eyes, the silence thickening around you, pressing down until it felt like you couldn’t breathe. your mind replayed every smile, every laugh, every word he’d ever spoken to you, each memory twisting the knife of grief deeper into your chest. the emptiness of the room swallowed you whole, and all that was left was the aching, unbearable reality that he was gone — that the man who had been your best friend, your confidant, your everything, was nothing more than a memory now.

you stayed there, your hand resting on his cold cheek, as if the warmth of your touch could somehow reach him, bring him back. but he was gone, and with him, he’d taken the words you’d never been able to say, the love you’d never been able to give.

and as the silence closed in around you, suffocating and absolute, you knew that part of you had died with him.

✉️ — not so long later. 💬 — you. it could only be you now, for you are the only one left.

the sun was beginning to set as you reached the shore, casting an amber glow over the ocean. the waves lapped quietly against the sand, as a gentle roll becoming a reminder that the world was still moving, even when the battles were done.

even though everything within you felt like it had come to a standstill. you clutched a folded piece of glossy card, and a box. two things that shoko said she found on him, things that she thought you should keep, she added quietly.

and so, you sat down on the sand, letting the evening wind sweep over you as you gazed out at the endless stretch of water. the ocean had always been something you had dreamed of seeing together, an endless horizon that was wild and untameable, just like gojo satoru had been. but he was gone, gone, and that promise would forever remain unkept.

you opened the folded glossy card, wincing as you tried not to press the faded creases further, brushing over the faded edges. it was dated to the fall of 2005, and you bit your lip as you saw your own image stare back at you. when the world had felt endless, and you had two wide eyes to see it with. there you were, that day in the market, laughing in the photo with your head thrown back sweetly, and you wetly laughed as you saw geto suguru's confused expression in the background, clearly exasperated with gojo's photography skills.

a choked sob escaped you as you traced your smile in the photo, so oblivious to what would come. you’d been so happy then, wrapped in a moment that had felt simple and whole. gojo had teased you relentlessly that day, snapping photos every chance he got, and you’d thought he was just being his usual, silly self. you’d never realised he’d kept this one one, never knew it meant enough for him to carry it all this time.

with a shaking hand, you opened the box, revealing the ring nestled inside. fuck.

it was beautiful, impossibly beautiful, as if he’d carefully chosen each detail with you in mind. the diamond glistened in the fading light, flecked with small blue stones that reminded you of his eyes, the eyes that used to light up every time he looked at you. this ring was supposed to be a promise, just as the ones you made when you locked little fingers — a promise he never got the chance to make, a life together that you’d both been too afraid to admit you wanted.

the first tear fell, splashing onto the sand below, followed by another, and then another, until you were trembling, the grief tearing out of you in waves, raw and unstoppable. you held the ring to your chest, clutching it as if somehow, by holding it close, you could feel him, hear his laughter, feel the warmth of his arms around you.

you could almost hear his voice on the wind, that playful edge mixed with tenderness as he called you by one of his ridiculous pet names. sweetheart, honey, my pumpkin pie, followed by your irritated huff telling him to drop those names.

but truly, here was nothing. just the sound of the waves, relentless and indifferent, echoing the hollow ache in your chest.

the what-ifs clawed at you, memories replaying over and over in your mind: moments when you’d almost reached for him, almost whispered the words, almost let your heart break free. but each time, you’d held back, too afraid to disrupt the delicate balance between you, too certain there’d be another day. but now, those moments were gone, scattered like dust in the wind, and the weight of those unsaid words felt unbearable.

you pressed the photograph to your lips, closing your eyes as if you could summon him back, if only for a moment. but when you opened your eyes, all that greeted you was the empty horizon, stretching out into nothingness.

"i love you,” you murmured, voice broken, barely more than a whisper. "i love you. i always loved you."

the words hung in the air, unheard, unanswered. it was too late, too late for confessions, too late for promises. the life you’d wanted with him, the life he’d carried in his pocket with a ring and a photograph, was gone, lost to the cruel twist of fate that had taken him from you.

you stayed there on the sand as the sky darkened, the weight of his absence pressing down on you like a storm. the wind whipped around you, cold and biting, and you shivered, clutching his ring, his memory, as if that alone could keep you grounded.

as night fell, the stars began to appear, dotting the sky with fragile points of light, distant and unreachable. and you sat there, letting the grief wash over you, lost in the silent, aching expanse of the ocean and the memories of a love that would remain forever unspoken, forever unfulfilled.

wasn't love the greatest curse of them all?

[praetorqueenreyna]

I love reading about u talk about acotar, really intrigues me enough to consider reading the books, I'm also very interested in any and all fandom gossip, so please please please tell me what is the current situation? What is elaingate in reference to? 👀👀👀

WELL FIRSTABLE if you read the books, stop after the first one 😂 and THANK YOU FOR ASKING I will relay the tale of some of the most low-stakes fandom drama to ever exist that I accidentally started WHOOPSIE

On July 24, 2024, the blog for Elain Archeron Week posted the rules for the event. There were 4 rules, one of which was that they wouldn't allow ships with "known abusers" and listed Tamlin and Beron as examples (I assume you know who Tamlin is lmao, Beron is a kind of generic Mean Dad character). ACOTAR fandom is known for being puritanical and religiously devoted to canon, but this is a new development. Event week mods have ignored/not reblogged content they don't like that was submitted for their week, but this is the first one I've seen that outright BANNED anything.

There was already a little kickback that mostly has to do with the two competing ships for Elain, elriel and elucien. They both think the other is the DEVIL even though both ships are equally boring. Apparently, the Elain Week is run by elriels, and eluciens were already huffy about the wording of an ask wondering if elucien would be allowed in the event. This part of the story is boring and doesn't have anything to do with me, the star of the show, so I will move on.

Anyway! A few fandom friends sent me links and screenshots of all of this because it's objectively funny. I made a post talking about how funny it was, which brought attention to it on this side of the fandom. My mutuals (the most hilarious people on the planet) asked what was going on, and immediately joined in on the fun. Memes were created at an astronomical rate. Art, fic, and poems for every possible ship of those three characters were made. Amazingly enough, Tamlin/Beron has had a huge surge of content, as the two men named and specifically banned from the week. I started tagging the posts #elaingate, and apparently it caught on enough that the tag now has over 100 posts in it.

To clarify!! The issue has never been about the ships themselves. There are VERY few Tamlin/Elain shippers on tumblr, which I know because I have run multiple demographic surveys and crunched the numbers. And absolutely NOBODY was making Beron/Elain. You have to understand how bland this fandom is. They consider one of the most degenerate, disgusting ships to be the main male character and....his wife's sister. And it certainly isn't isolated to elain/elriel stans, they were just the unlucky bastards to finally verbalize these insidious issues with fandom, especially ACOTAR fandom. Mostly just that the fandom is EXTREMELY conservative, and also that people that like the Popular Thing always have to make themselves out to be the ultimate victims. It's also in poor taste for running an event week. Yes, event weeks are run by fans in their free time, but the idea is to inspire EVERYBODY to create for the thing that you're a fan of. If you're so precious that simple seeing a ship you don't like sends you to the fainting couch, an event week is probably not the thing for you.

I wrote a whole essay on modern ACOTAR fandom here then deleted it bc YOU DID NOT ASK. But anyway THAT IS ELAINGATE we are all being very silly.

[autumnshighlady]

A Lesson in Language

Fëanor x female!reader

part of The Professor Series

summary: challenging your linguistics professor is your favourite past time, until he decides it's time for you to face consequences for it

warnings: smut, power dynamic, daddy kink (only a little bit at the end), rough oral sex (m receiving), hate sex, roughness, Fëanor is a raging asshole

word count: 4.4k

request: Professor Feanor x reader? With fiery smut and snarky student reader ;) I was thinking something like he’s a linguistics prof (since he did come up with a new system of writing) and he teaches this one course that reader needs to graduate but she’s annoyed that he teaches it’s either his way or nothing at all so she argues with him all the time in office hours for her marks and etc?

So since we seem to be imagining everybody as a professor: Feanor. He'd be mean, and condescending, and the gods may help you if you're not good in his class (wth is he even teaching, he's good at everything💀) But if you're his best student, and a bright mind beyond class assignments? You'll want the gods to help you for wholly different reasons.

a/n: Fëanor is a massive douche in this fic ladies pls never let a man treat u like this lmao

series playlist on Spotify here

DO NOT REPOST ANYWHERE

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You rolled your eyes as you doodled in the margins of your notebook, trying to ignore Professor Fëanor’s arrogant voice echoing in the classroom. He was droning on about pragmatics, a topic you had mastered last year already. You hated this class – it was tedious at best, and like watching paint dry at its worst. The only reason you were begrudgingly taking it was because it was your last requirement for graduation, as the class involved drawing up your own research study instead of a final exam. Everyone who was in this class took it for one of two reasons – either they were the same as you and just needed it for graduation, or they were lovestruck morons enamoured with the professor.

Admittedly, he was an attractive male. His long, raven-black hair suited his sharp face, with grey blue eyes that surveyed the class like a hawk, picking on daydreaming students to answer difficult questions. He was always impeccably dressed, and spoke with more confidence than anyone you had ever met. Yet he was arrogant and stubborn, insisting his way was the only way to learn linguistics. He spoke to his students as if they were dumb, incapable of being anywhere near his level of knowledge. And it irritated you beyond belief.

You were well known amongst your peers for getting into arguments with the professor. Dr. Fëanor had a nasty temper that frightened most, but amused you. You were the only student who didn’t hesitate to challenge him and stick up for yourself when he decided he wanted to bully his students. You were confident in your linguistic skill set, marching to his office to argue your grades whenever he gave you a shitty mark. You could tell it infuriated him, how his best student didn’t kiss his ass like he had clearly expected you to.

“Am I interrupting your artistic time, (Y/N)?” Dr. Fëanor’s bored voice sounded a few feet away from you, snapping you back to reality. You looked up, and he was standing in front of your table, glaring down at you. The students beside you shrank back, afraid to be caught up in the professor’s wrath. But you didn’t back down, only sighing and looking up to meet his gaze.

“What was that, sir?” You asked, widening your eyes and faking innocence knowing damn well it would piss him off further.

“You haven’t been paying attention to a single thing I’ve said all week.” He snorted. “How you are my top student is beyond me, with such a short attention span.”

“I’ve been paying attention, sir.” You lied, bringing your elbows to rest on the table. 

He raised an eyebrow. “Oh? Then you won’t mind a little pop quiz, just for you?”

You shrugged. “Fire away.”

“What are the three airstream mechanisms in phonetics?” His shoulders were tense, a sign of his visible annoyance towards you.

Your answer rolled off your tongue. “Pulmonic, glottalic, velaric.”

“Define a morpheme.”

“The smallest meaningful unit of language. It must have a meaning of its own, either lexical or a grammatical function, and it must be minimal, not containing any smaller units that have meanings of their own.”

“And what are the four maxims of conversation?”

“Quality, quantity, relation and manner.” You smiled, watching your professor’s face get redder as you answered his questions easily.

“Name the distinctive linguistic properties of Quenya that make it differ from Sindarin.” Dr. Fëanor smirked, cocking his head arrogantly. You knew he would ask this question, it was too predictable. He was the master of Quenya, having played a huge role in the development of the language and construction of the Tengwar alphabet. 

But as usual, he underestimated you. You took a breath, pretending to think for a moment before lifting your chin and meeting his gaze once again. “Where do I begin?” You said confidently. “Quenya is a more complex agglutinative language that strings morphemes together into long words using an inflectional system with a flexible syntax, while Sindarin has a much easier to follow language structure. Quenya uses 5 tenses to conjugate, Sindarin has 6 and words often begin with vowels whereas in Quenya, they typically end in vowels. They both use the structures SVO and OVS structures, but Sindarin uses VS and VO, although it lacks the OSV structure that Quenya has. Additionally, Quenya adopted case endings for nouns in nominative and genitive cases, using the dual plural to represent plural form since it lacks a definite article to mark the regular plural. Would you like me to go on, sir?”

The entire class was utterly silent. No one dared breathe in the moments following your monologue as you waited for your professor to reply. You expected him to yell at you, maybe throw a manuscript at your head. But he didn’t move. It began to make you uneasy, and you noticed a strange look cross his face for a half second before he finally spoke. 

“I’ve heard more than enough from you for one class.” Fëanor’s voice was leathally calm, sending goosebumps up your arm. “Keep your mouth shut for the remainder of the lecture, and pay attention.”

You rolled your eyes, picking up your pen and sitting back in your chair as the professor continued his lecture. You crossed your legs, making your skirt hike up on your thighs, but you were too annoyed to fix it. Your professor was an arrogant bastard who couldn’t comprehend that not everyone around him was as dumb as rocks. But your skin flushed as you drifted off into one of your many daydream scenarios of Fëanor bending you over his desk and taking his anger out on you. You just knew he was rough and dominant in bed, having fantasised about being on the receiving end of that fire within him.

Your daydreaming was cut short as the professor began distributing last week’s quizzes back to the students. He didn’t acknowledge your presence as he ungracefully dropped yours in front of you. You noticed quickly a note was attached to it, that read:

Be in my office at 5pm tonight. We need to have a talk about your attitude.

You sucked in a breath. This was new. Not once had he invited you to his office – you were there of your own volition often enough to challenge him about your marks. You wouldn’t be surprised if he put up a sign on his door barring you specifically from entering. You knew he hated your visits to his office, so why invite you now? Talks with your professor about your attitude were done in public, specifically to try and humiliate you. 

You folded up the note and slid it into your pocket, nervousness beginning to churn in your gut. Was he going to fail you out of spite? You’d be unable to complete your degree if he did that. While Fëanor was an arrogant asshole, you didn’t think he was cruel. Or at least you hoped so.

Tears began to well in your eyes as the possibility of failing dawned on you. Perhaps there were consequences to mouthing off to your professor after all. 

*******************

A few hours later, you knocked at the elaborate wooden door to Fëanor’s office, then wiped your face one last time. You had spent an hour in the bathroom attempting to fix your makeup and conceal the evidence of your tears and failing, miserably. Your mascara was wet, giving you more of a smokey eye look than you had intended. Your smudged face was a stark contrast with your perfectly put together outfit – a short brown pencil skirt and tall boots, paired with a tight fitting, slightly cropped t-shirt. You felt ridiculous now, going to your professor’s office like this, but you had no other choice.

“Come in. And close the door behind you.” His deep voice echoed from inside the office, and you pushed the heavy door open. His office was its usual organised mess, manuscripts and books everywhere, laid out across every sitting space available save for the single chair in front of his desk. The room glowed orange from the roaring fireplace off to the side, making it look more like an ancient cave than an office.

You carefully walked over to the chair in front of the desk, clasping your hands in front of you.

“Sit.” Fëanor ordered, finally glancing up at you when you hesitated. “Unless you prefer to kneel on the floor?”

Your face burned bright red as you scrambled into the chair, ignoring the way his insinuation made your thighs tingle with need. He ignored you for a few minutes, continuing whatever he was translating on his desk. You shifted uncomfortably, unsure what to do. None of your interactions had ever been like this – quiet, suspenseful, behind closed doors. No, it was always bickering arguments that turned heads in the hallways. Something was different about him.

“Do you know why I really called you in here today?” He asked, still not looking up. His long hair was tied back, except for a few loose strands that hung around his face as he wrote.

“To fail me.” You said quietly.

He barked a heartless laugh. “Gods, no. Failing you would mean I’d have to endure a whole extra semester of your arrogant attitude. I refuse to put myself through that.”

You felt all nervousness fade away, quickly replaced by that hot anger only he seemed to be able to get out of you. “I’m arrogant?” You snapped. “Take a look in the mirror.”

Fëanor’s writing ceased, and his grey blue eyes met yours and narrowed. “I beg your pardon?”

“You heard what I said.” You fired back, unable to stop the words from coming out of your mouth. “You’re the arrogant one here, sir. You try to belittle me every time I prove myself to be smart because you can’t imagine that everyone around you isn’t a complete imbecile.”

You expected the male to snap back, to call you an idiot and ask how dare you say these things to him. Truthfully, you couldn’t believe you were saying these things either. All your arguments had been about the material so far, veiled insults hidden beneath your words. Never were you this open, this bold, about how you felt. 

“Anything else?” He said in a bored manner.

“Yeah, you’re a real prick.” You continued your angry rambling, sick of being looked down on by this male. “You know as well as I do that I’m your best student, yet you treat me like the problem kid at the back of the class. It’s ridiculous, and the only reason you do it is to feel better about yourself. Am I wrong, sir?”

A long pause followed, and you swallowed a lump in your throat. If you weren’t going to fail before, you definitely were now. The tension was so thick you could cut it with a knife. You simply sat there, eyes locked with your ill-tempered linguistics professor. After a few minutes, you couldn’t take it anymore, averting your gaze to inspect a loose thread on your skirt.

“Do you know why I’m such an arrogant… prick, did you say?” He stood up, walking around to the front of his desk and leaning against it, crossing his large arms. “Because I’ve earned it. I invented the Tengwar script and am the most knowledgeable person on the Quenya language there is. I have created and invented things that nobody else has, and nobody will ever come close to achieving what I have achieved. I have earned my arrogance, you have not. You’re just a little girl who’s in way over her head.”

You saw red, angrily pushing back the chair as you stood up to challenge him . Fëanor was a good foot taller than you, making you strain your neck to meet his gaze. “Call me a little girl one more time, I fucking dare you.” You hissed.

“Or what?” He smirked. “You’ll cry? Just like you did before you came in here?”

Your jaw went slack, “Wha–”

Fëanor scoffed, pleased with himself. “Oh, please, don’t even try. It was written all over your pretty face. I like it covered in tears, by the way. It’s a good look on you.”

WIthout thinking, your hand reached up and connected with his face, a dull slap echoing throughout the office. “Fuck you.” You spat, turning to storm out before you could face the consequences of hitting your professor.

But Fëanor was faster, his large hand firmly clasping around the hand you just slapped him with and yanking you back around to face him. His other hand grabbed your other wrist, and no matter how much you squirmed against it he didn’t budge. His eyes were dark as he pulled your hands up and across each other, pushing them into your chest as he stepped even closer to you. 

“You wish.” He purred mockingly. “Isn’t that right? Is that not one of the reasons why your attention drifts off in class? Because you’re fantasising about being bent over my desk and fucked until you can’t remember your own name?”

“You think way too highly of yourself–” You tried to defend yourself, but he cut you off as if you hadn’t even said anything.

“You think I’m blind? That I don’t notice how you always wear those revealing outfits on the days you have my class. Don’t play dumb, it’s not a good look on you.”

You thrashed in his grip, ignoring the effect his words had on you. “Let me go right now you self righteous, narcissistic–”

“Kneel.”

That made you freeze. “Excuse me?”

“You really need to learn how to shut up.” Feanor growled. “And that’s what I’m going to do. I’ve had enough of that mouth of yours, it’s time to make it useful for once. Now kneel.”

You were utterly dumbstruck, unable to do anything as your professor gave you a shove, making you fall to your knees on the ground in front of him. The wooden floor made your joints ache, but you knew better than to protest.

“Here’s what’s going to happen,” Fëanor began, the sound of his belt unbuckling distinct in the background. “Do you think you can follow simple instructions for once?”

“Yes.” Your voice was barely above a whisper, throat dry with anticipation for what was about to happen.

“Yes, what?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Good.” He paused his movements, grabbing your chin and forcing you to look up at his towering form. “I’m going to stuff that smart mouth of yours with my cock, and you’re going to take it like the desperate little slut I know you are. If you please me enough, I will bend you over this desk and fuck you so hard you can’t walk tomorrow. And you’ll have learned your lesson to keep your mouth shut when I tell you to, understood? Is that simple enough for you to understand?”

“Yes, sir.” You repeated, trying to keep the shake out of your voice. Your core throbbed at his words, exactly as dominant as you imagined him to be.

Fëanor finally unzipped his trousers, letting them fall to his feet along with his boxers, revealing the thickest cock you had ever seen. Your jaw dropped, but you didn’t even care that you had just boosted his ego. All you could think about was how it would possibly fit.

“What’s the matter?” He mocked. “Too big for you? Scared you won’t be able to take it? You’ll be able to take it because I’ve told you so. Now open.”

You parted your lips, letting your professor slide his cock between them. You sucked on the tip, earning a groan of pleasure from the male above. Forcing your jaw to relax, you took him deeper, aching with the stretch.

Without warning, Fëanor impatiently grabbed the back of your head and pushed you down further. Tears blotted your face as you gagged around him, hollowing your cheeks as you sucked him. Clearly, he wasn’t concerned with having you come up for air, forcing you to breathe through your nose.

He set a rough pace, guiding your head up and down his cock as far as it would go without making you gag too much. Your mascara began to run down your face, and you made sure to keep eye contact with him despite the strain on your throat.

“There’s a good little slut,” Fëanor growled, tightening his grip on your hair as he thrusted faster. “I told you you looked better with tears running down your face.”

You couldn’t protest with his cock around your mouth, so you only whimpered, focusing on taking him deeper. You sucked hard with each stroke, letting your tongue run along the vein underneath his shaft as you bobbed your head. Your professor moaned shamelessly above you, a sound that set your nerves alight.

Mindlessly, your hand wandered between your legs, attempting to relieve some of the pressure building there. Your fingers hadn’t even grazed your panties when Fëanor halted his movements, holding your head down at the base of his cock. 

“Don’t even think of touching yourself.” He hissed angrily. “I didn’t give you permission to do so. Try it again, and I won’t let you cum. Got it?”

You nodded around the base of his cock, whimpering. Your jaw was in agony, stretched to the max to accommodate his length. When he finally moved your head once again, you doubled your efforts, determined to make your arrogant professor fall apart. You sat on your hands for good measure, trying to avoid the temptation to ignore his orders altogether.

Fëanor began thrusting his hips to meet your mouth a few minutes later, his pretty eyes screwing shut as he tilted his head back. “Fucking swallow every last drop.” He grunted between thrusts, his grip on your scalp tightening right before his cock twitched in your mouth. He came with a loud groan, shooting spurts of warm liquid down your throat. You kept bobbing your head, sucking up every last drop and letting it slide down your throat. He panted, hips sputtering as you sucked him dry before finally pulling your lips off him. Your jaw ached like never before, but you were strangely proud of yourself. The image of your high strung professor climaxing into your mouth would be forever burned into your mind.

“Looks like you’ve earned your reward after all.” Fëanor grabbed you by your shoulders and hoisted you up onto his desk with impressive strength. You didn’t have time to ask if you should move the papers on his desk before his mouth crashed into yours. His lips were hot and dominating, overwhelming your senses. You barely had time to kiss him back before he was pulling away, attaching his lips to your neck and biting down, making you cry out. He sucked and bit every inch of your throat in a manner you knew would leave dark bruises the next day, undoubtedly an intentional choice on his part.

You felt your shirt being yanked up, Fëanor quickly pulling it over your head along and ripping your bra off then tossing both items somewhere behind him. His calloused hands eagerly grabbed your breasts, squeezing hard. You squirmed under his touch, wanting to get away from the harshness of it but also needing more somehow. Fëanor’s mouth assaulted your breasts, biting the soft flesh firmly before taking your nipple in his teeth and flicking the bud with his tongue.

“Oh, fuck.” You couldn’t help but moan, tilting your head back.

“You like this?” Fëanor teased, lifting his mouth from your breast momentarily before hovering over the other one. “You like it when I’m rough, treating you like a dirty little whore? Leaving marks all over your body so you know that you’re my property, isn’t that right?”

“Yes, sir!” You cried out as he sucked at your other breast. It was overwhelming, his hands were everywhere except where you needed them most.

As if he read your mind, Fëanor pulled away, ripping his shirt over his head to reveal the most sculpted abs you’d ever seen. The bastard stood there for a moment, proudly watching you admire his form. Gods above, you’d never be able to focus in class again after seeing his muscles.

He reached down and roughly tugged your skirt and panties down, exposing your glistening cunt. Fëanor plunged a finger into you without warning, pressing a thumb to your clit and making you see stars. His mouth found your neck again as you squirmed under his touch, a hand reaching around your back and pressing you into his frame.

“You’re a fucking mess,” He growled into your neck, adding in a second finger and stretching your hole. “All for me, isn’t that right? I’m going to break you, my dear. Break you into a thousand pieces and put you back together so I can do it all over again and make you mine.”

You whined, feeling your muscles clench around him as he pumped his fingers in and out of you. You were approaching your orgasm faster than you ever had in your life. “I’m close…” You mumbled through shallow breaths, legs beginning to twitch.

He smirked. “I know.” Was all he said before roughly pulling his fingers away, right before you could make the final stretch towards the edge.

“What the hell!” You exclaimed, angry. Before you could cuss him out, his hand wrapped around your throat and squeezed.

“What did I tell you about keeping that pretty mouth shut?” Fëanor growled. “I would threaten to stuff it with my cock again, but you’d probably enjoy that too much. Guess I’m just going to have to fuck you so hard you scream and lose your voice.”

He roughly turned you around, pushing you by your neck so you were stomach first down on the desk with your feet still on the floor. You breathed heavily, grasping the edge with your fingertips as Fëanor lined his cock up to your entrance. You forced your body to relax, knowing it was going to hurt at first.

His hands found your hips and he slammed into you, almost knocking the wind right out of your lungs. You barely had time to catch your breath and acknowledge the stinging stretch between your legs before he pulled out and did it again, setting a brutal pace. You began to scream, fully screaming in pleasure and pain as Fëanor pounded into you relentlessly. You couldn’t even think straight, all logical thoughts about there possibly being people in the hallway that could hear you as you cried out over and over again.

Fëanor’s grip on your hips was almost bone shattering, his thick cock slamming into your g-spot faster than anyone had ever fucked you. He was right, your entire body would be sore tomorrow. In fact, you’d be lucky if you were able to walk to class. Fëanor’s thrusts were so powerful, you were sure he was going to split you in half.

And you fucking loved it.

You loved being bent over your professor’s desk, unable to think about anything else aside from how hard he was fucking you. The male you had had verbal sparring matches with for weeks was taking his frustration out on you, and you loved it. You enjoyed being at his mercy, feeling things nobody else had been able to make you feel.

Fëanor grunted, reaching one hand down and rubbing your clit. “You cum when I say you cum, got it?”

You nodded, whimpering as you felt your body try and pick up where it left off. You begged it to keep your orgasm at bay, knowing Fëanor would be less than happy if you came without his permission. So you squeezed your eyes shut, trying to think about anything else.

He thrusted into you for what seemed like hours, to the point where your legs had gone almost numb. You were a sobbing mess, fighting to stop yourself from climaxing all over his cock. The papers on his desk were stained with your tears, and your determination to not beg him for anything snapped.

“Please let me cum.” You sobbed pathetically.

Fëanor only increased his pace on your clit, smirking as he pounded you. “Aw, are you crying again? Poor little thing is so desperate to cum for daddy, isn’t she?”

Daddy. Your brain went haywire. Normally, you were not into the whole daddy kink, but the way Fëanor said it changed something in you. You whined, nodding. At this point, you’d say whatever to get him to let you cum. “Please, daddy, I need to cum,” You cried, body shaking. “I’ll do anything you want, please just let me finish.”

Fëanor groaned behind you, his cock twitching inside of you, evidence of his pleasure with your response. “That was pathetic,” He grunted. “But I’ll let it slide. Cum for me, slut. Cum now.”

Your body let go before he finished his sentence, the dam that had been holding your orgasm back bursting, letting the climax wash over your body. You cried out, voice breaking with hoarseness as your legs twitched violently, your grip on the desk and Fëanor’s hand on your hip being the only thing keeping you from sliding onto the floor.

The world spun around you, and at one point you were pretty sure you lost consciousness. As you came down from your high, Fëanor moaned loudly, pulling out and stroking his cock while jutting his hips forward. Thick spurts of cum landed on your back mixing with the sheen of sweat already there. His loud groan echoed throughout the office as you panted, your entire body feeling both completely wrecked and on cloud nine at the same time.

You tried to speak, but no words came out. Your vocal cords were shot, jaw aching with every movement. You didn’t even hear Fëanor retreat, but he returned with a towel, gently wiping the seed off your skin. You wanted to thank him, but couldn’t. In fact, you weren’t sure if you could even move. 

Fëanor chuckled, bundling up your clothes and setting them beside you. He placed a glass of water to your lips, tilting it back and letting you eagerly drink it up. “You’re excused from Thursday’s lesson,” He said smugly. “Only because I know you won’t be able to get out of bed to get to class. Let this be your lesson learned not to question me, or call me an arrogant prick. Got it?”

You nodded weakly, defenceless, and knowing your linguistics class with Dr. Fëanor would never be the same.

[chryblossomjjk]

bts fic recommendations | 01.10.23

→ hi friends! this is a little segment i do every tuesday (reviewsday get it, aren't i funny, pls tell me how funny i am) where i read and review two-three fics. as a content creator, i know how big of a role other creators play in your growth, therefore, i want to do my part in making sure everyone gets the recognition they deserve! so with that being said, please check out the amazing fics listed below. make sure to like, reblog, and leave feedback! ♡ #reviewsday #kikirecs

pina coladas (pt 1 + pt 2) - @han-nah-banana (jjk x reader | established relationship, smut, angst, fluff)

ok so um... the attention to detail is off the charts! like when the little things you mention about jungkook and oc, like them eating healthy foods, only having sex in the missionary position, etc. tells us so much about them and the status of their relationship. like you showed us that they were stuck in a boring, mundane relationship through little hints and i really love that. ALSO POV SHIFT IN PART ONE WAS SO GOOD! like the way their thoughts mirrored one another was such good storytelling ugh!!! also think you picked a great setting for this type of story, the 80s. it makes everything feel so real, like the sexual repression oof! so glad they got to bang it out in the sexiest way in pt 2! really really good for your first fanfic like WOW! loved it!

i can do better - @here4btsfics (pjm x reader | fwb, smut)

summary: your boyfriend of two years just dumped you and you’re angry and sad. so get hammered with your coworker at his place and eat bad food and watch trash tv which leads to some interesting conversations.

bro all you did is enforce my delusions that irl men cannot compete bc they are not park jimin. men should apologize for not being park jimin at this point. even kim taehyung... anywho lmao. DUDE and then oc listing all the things perfect about jimin. she is just like me fr!!! also like this is kind of how i picture jimin in real life ngl. THAT MAN IS A COCKY CONFIDENT DOM I WILL ARGUE THIS SHIT UNTIL IM BLUE IN THE FACE GTFO! and miss oc... no strings attached girl??? A WHOLE BLUFF. honestly, this entire fic is one of my daydreams when im in a lecture and i fucking loved every second of it bby! so so good. so glad you decided to start writing again, extremely proud of you.

darksided - @eoieopda (myg x reader | established relationship, smut)

summary: min yoongi adored you. he'd simply never hurt you.

i saw someone post about smut where the characters are so grossly in love is their fav genre. this is exactly that. this fic encompasses everything i love in fanfic. i felt like a fly on the wall, being dropped into the middle of the situation where i figure out who the characters are through their actions, words, etc. you do that so perfectly here. like the way i know everything i need to know about min yoongi through the FUCKING setting?? naur this is s tier writing right here. also there's just something you do with words thats v magical. can't put my finger on exactly what it is but here is an example:

"a quick survey of the landscape before you indicated that this was a criminal oversimplification."

LIKE IDK JUST SOMETHING ABOUT HOW YOU STRUCTURE SENTENCES IS GENIUS! like cannot even begin to describe how good this was. would die for this couple honestly. the smut had me clenching too OOF. so cool to see what you've accomplished on this platform in such a short period of time! it's so so deserved and i can't wait to see where you go from here. don't know how you can even get better than this like ur already at the moon um!!! but god it's only going to get better from here. like next thing u know u'll be a famous writer fr. wishing you nothing but the fucking best!!!!

[a-had-matter]

Your Annoying Tumblr Mutual strikes yet again !!

I'm gonna ask you a few questions :> (these are all so random lmao) (as always, feel free to ignore ^^^)

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

✰ how long have you been on tumblr?

✰ how did you come up with your url/username?

✰ what’s your phone’s lock screen?

✰ do you have any piercings//tattoos? (any you’d like to get?)

✰ do you wear glasses//contacts?

✰ has anyone ever told you you have a "celebrity look-alike"? if yes, who?

✰ best compliment you’ve ever gotten?

✰ are you a collector of anything in particular? If yes, what?

✰ I HOPE YOU HAVE A GOOD REST OF YOUR DAY AND TREAT YOURSELF AND I APPRECIATE YOU AND YES OKAY BYE FOR NOW <3

Uhmmm, I think I've been here for about 4 months (had to check) but it feels like much longer.

My url is something I had wanted to try out for a while, and I was obsessed with Once Upon A Time at the time, so I chose 'the mad hatter' flipped two letters, and it became what it is today :)

IT'S CHRISTMAS!! So ofc I have my old man marley home alone lock screen

I have basic ear piercings, and if I get more, I'll just get more on my ears. But! I've decided that if i do get more piercings, I'm totally getting a tattoo. I know someone who got her breasts tattooed with her name on them, and I might do the same. just because I know no one will see it!!

I do not wear contacts or glasses, but fun fact! as a child I hated the fact that I had boring old brown eyes, and always wanted blue ones. Now though, I like my eye color.

lol. NOPE! I look like my mother whenever she was a child. not a single person else

I honestly hate compliments, but my favorite ones are when people compliment my hair. quite a few people are like, "oh I love your locs!" and I'm just like..... THANK YOU I LOVE YOURS TOO! and then i just smile and walk away

I am a collector of mini things, pretty pieces of paper-- just anything that I think will be useful in the future.

THANK YOU FOR ALL OF THE KIND WORDS AND THIS FUN SURVEY THING AND I APPRECIATE YOU FOR THAT AND BYE!!!!

moots, if you wanna do this as well, you're free too, and share the stories behind your answers if you want!

[flakey-von-wembstein]

FUCK YOU MEAN YOU MET WITH A CULT?????????? DUDE??????

well i don't want to bore anyone, but long story short, on my way to class today there were these two women who stopped me in the middle of the street and asked me some pretty innocuous questions, posing it as a "university assignment." some red flags went off mid-convo because i noticed neither of them were writing anything down or taking any notes, which you should be doing for an assignment or survey or whatever the hell, especially if you're doing street interviews? they weren't even filming me with a camera to record my answers and i thought that was pretty strange.

but they asked to meet up at a nearby shopping mall after school and i agreed, thinking i would just be helping these two women complete a uni assignment. i couldn't ignore the feeling that something was up though, and i was visibly on edge. my lecturer noticed this and i spoke with them about it, and they encouraged me to look it up, because unbeknownst to me, apparently there have been a lot of well known cults operating in melbourne? so i did, and y'all, it was really fucking bad. i was literally trembling lol

i called someone i trusted to take me back home and i was shaking so much. i don't think i've ever shaken that much in my life. this is going to sound crazy but i literally had no idea a person could tremble like that. like i thought it was only in movies and shit.

this is only the short version btw. it's a lot longer but like if anyone else wants to know more i can either make another post or just message you or something. i don't know, i feel stupid talking about it, like i blame myself for engaging with them lmao

PS: for anyone who lives in melbourne or regularly travels to the city (obviously in melbourne) be wary of these people. apparently they belong to an australian branch of a south korean cult, the shincheonji church of jesus. scary shit. i literally fucking cried on the way home with the person who escorted me there. if you look up "melbourne cult reddit" you can probably find more info about it. just bc ik i have a few ppl following me also living in victoria

[astrovian]

I miss RA so much when we don't hear much about him for a while. Not in an invasive way, in a "I really like hearing from/about him and when things are quiet or he is solely promoting work, I miss his personality". I wish interviewers were less annoying so I could watch old interviews but so much of the time, they just ask the same questions over and over and it's usually stupid shit like "wow ur tall how did u act in the Hobbit" or stuff that seems to make him (and me) uncomfortable like commenting on the "Armitage army" or making comments about his appearance. I think he's an interesting guy! Let me hear what he has to say about actually interesting topics! This is prompted by nothing particular but you're the only active RA blog I follow and I felt like I needed to commiserate.

I think we all feel that way anon 😭

I've said before that (in general) the questions asked by interviewers tend to be very relative & a bit boring - which, in all fairness, I can understand *a bit*. as much as we love him (and he should), he doesn't really have the brand recognition to the point where I would expect most people in a random survey of the population to know who he is just by name. so interviewers are naturally going to ask a lot more of the 'basic' questions - tbh I think most of them still go "oh, it's that guy from The Hobbit" in terms of how much they expect the reader to know. so yeah, it's shitty, but I guess I can understand where they're coming from in terms of doing their job. I don't agree with it but I can understand it

in all fairness as well, he has said in the past that the reason he doesn't so many interviews is because it's not his thing & he doesn't really enjoy them - he's said being on talk shows just really isn't in his nature, which I think most of us introverts can 1000% understand & sympathize with

but this is also why I've said in the past I wish someone would interview him using internet-submitted questions (like Audible did once). or just like - even an interview done by a fan. because while I'm sure that kind of thing would make him uncomfortable (re: because I think there's an assumption that all the questions would then be about his personal life) but at the same time I can think of so many fucking actual interesting questions just about his fucking acting process and job and characters that I deperately want to know the answers to that aren't the usual "so you're a method actor because you once voluntarily got waterboarded in the early 2000s, right??" 🙄

I wish he had a social media site *like* tumblr (note: not actually tumblr because then I would have to delete this blog 🫠) where like - there was an ask box. like with the sole purpose of us being able to fucking submit actual decent questions & every once in a while he could answer one or two if he wanted to

I feel like asking him questions on twitter is just like... bothering him & his mentions lmao. whereas a dedicated thing like an askbox is different from a mention or DM. it makes it more like a formal submission lol

so yes, I miss hearing from him when he's not doing interviews, posting on social media etc. too because he is a very interesting person & I have lots of questions I'd like answered but I also like to imagine that when he's not active on social media he's enjoying a chill life, sipping mojitos on a beach or doing a puzzle in a cozy cabin - or whatever you like - and enjoying not being at the beck and call of the public (even though I know that's a filthy rotten lie because the man seemingly never stops working in the background and I wish he would like. chill. just for a bit. for his sake.)

which is all to say in an extremely long-winded manner:

yes, when absent, I miss his public presence but also I don't begrudge it because I like to think he's just chilling & enjoying life in the meantime

[lovemesomesurveys]

[chasingghosts @ bzoink]

What TV shows are you watching at the moment?   I watch a lot of shows, but I’m not watching anything at this particular moment. 

Do you enjoy having deep, philosophical conversations?   Yeah, with certain people. 

Have you ever studied human anatomy?   Just in biology. I’ve never taken an actual anatomy class. 

Do you plan to do much or go anywhere tomorrow?   Ugh, I have a doctor appointment in the morning. Right now going to doctor appointments are an extra big pain in the ass because I have to get up earlier cause it takes me longer to get ready and I have to be ready for when the gurney transport service arrives. They always come like 30 minutes earlier, which is annoying cause that’s just more waiting for me. Plus, we have to give them an estimated time to come back to pick me up, but there’s never any telling how long an appointment is going to take. If I’m done early, we have to wait until they come back at the time we gave them. Anyway, yeah, it sucks.

What was your favourite fairytale when you were growing up?   Does Alice in Wonderland count? I always say that.

Did you feel bored before you started this survey?   Nah, I was just watching YouTube videos. 

Have you applied for a job recently?   No.

Do you have vivid dreams?   Oh man, sleep on sleeping medication is pretty wild. I have some intense dreams, too. I sometimes wake up with a headache and I’m like is that my body’s way of forcing me to get up from this dream or what?

Would you have more word documents or images saved on your computer?   I only have a few images shaved on here. 

Have you ever experienced severe health anxiety?   Yes. 

Do you have a drink with you right now and if so, what is it? If not, what would you like to be drinking right now?   >> I have a cup of juniper mint honey tea that's almost finished.

Are you home alone right now?   No.

What do you use - haha, lmao, lol, rofl? Something else entirely?   I use all of them except for rofl.

What noises can't you stand to hear?   Eating sounds is definitely at the top of the list. 

What's your favourite pasta shape?   Spaghetti or angel hair. I like thin noodles. 

What state, territory or province do you live in?   I live in California.

Would you rather be sleeping right now?   I just took my sleeping medicine so I’ll be sleeping soon. 

Are you still in touch with anyone you went to high school with?   I mean, I’m “friends” with several people from high school on Facebook. 

Do you use the Notes app on your phone much? If so, what for?   Yeah, quite often. I make lists, reminders, random stuff. 

Who did you last have a deep conversation with?   My mom. 

Do you prefer floral or fruity scents?   I much prefer fruity scents. 

What's your favourite non-dairy milk?   Oat milk.

Do you have any tattoos? If so, tell me about one.   Nope.

Where are your siblings right now? My brother is headed to New York and my brother is at home in Georgia. And I’m just here... stuck in bed.... doing nothing. 

Which sibling are you closest to, both physically (distance) and emotionally? My younger brother. As of now we still live together and we’re also just very close despite the fact we’re a decade apart. He’ll be moving later this year with his boyfriend, though, so we won’t be as close distance wise anymore. :(

Did you attend pre-school as a kid?   >> I did.

What's something you need to buy soon? Nothing In particular at the moment.

Have you ever been evicted from your home? If so, did you think it was fair?   No, I haven’t. 

If you could learn any language, what would it be?   >> I can learn any language -- Duolingo is right there. that's partially facetious (they don't have everything) but like... language learning isn't an entirely inaccessible proposition like it used to be. >>>

Do you go to cemeteries regularly? Who do you visit? No. I don’t have any reason to. None of my loved ones are buried and I feel comfortable just hanging out at cemeteries.

[purplesurveys]

1716

What TV shows are you watching at the moment? Nothing. I prefer vlogs these days.

Do you enjoy having deep, philosophical conversations? No they're my least favorite conversations to have haha. I'm not cut out for philosophy and I always zone out when a convo starts to steer towards that direction. Deep talks are fun, it's just philosophical ones I find boring.

Have you ever studied human anatomy? Kind of? We took up human body systems in grade school, but a couple of years ago I also had a phase where I got hooked to this anatomy channel on YouTube and watched many of their videos. I personally find biology and anatomy interesting so I'll learn it on my own sometimes.

Do you plan to do much or go anywhere tomorrow? I unfortunately do have work the whole day tomorrow, a Sunday. I have shoots to monitor at 10 AM and around 7 PM; I also have an event to help manage in the afternoon.

The thing is it'll be Yoongi's final final FINAL concert tomorrow so I imagine I'll have earphones on so I don't miss out. I'm just sad because I already planned to watch weeks in advance, and both those ^ work things came up super last-minute.

What was your favourite fairytale when you were growing up? Does the Barbie Rapunzel count as a fairytale? I watched that movie all the time.

Did you feel bored before you started this survey? No I'm actually extremely anxious right now so I've been needing to take surveys to distract myself and shake off the restlessness.

Have you applied for a job recently? I haven't.

Do you have vivid dreams? They can be, but I also forget them very easily. 

Would you have more word documents or images saved on your computer? Images. I mean there's Google Workspace, so that's reduced the need to download all my word documents and slides every time.

Have you ever experienced severe health anxiety? Nope.

Do you have a drink with you right now and if so, what is it? If not, what would you like to be drinking right now? I have a cup of coffee with me now, yes.

Are you home alone right now? Nope, my family's downstairs.

What do you use - haha, lmao, lol, rofl? Something else entirely? Haha, lol, lmao.

What noises can't you stand to hear? When the spoon or fork hits the plate at a certain angle and it makes this horrible grating sound. Also, doors being slammed.

What's your favourite pasta shape?  Fettuccine.

What state, territory or province do you live in? It's like one cartwheel away from Metro Manila, which is super convenient because I'm away from the traffic but can easily go to the city for whatever it is I need.

Would you rather be sleeping right now? Not really sleeping, but I'd rather not be actively worrying right now. It's like, I'm highly aware that I'm taking this survey as an escape and as a distraction, but I wish I was taking it just because. And knowing that I'm taking this as a distraction just makes me feel bad somehow.

Are you still in touch with anyone you went to high school with? Yes quite a number of people. I'm close with a few and remain social media friends with a lot.

Do you use the Notes app on your phone much? If so, what for? Yes, it's very reliable for work. If there's something I need to take note of or I get grabbed in an impromptu meeting, it gets the job done.

Who did you last have a deep conversation with? Jo.

Do you prefer floral or fruity scents? Fruity. Floral makes me dizzy.

What's your favourite non-dairy milk? Oat.

Do you have any tattoos? If so, tell me about one. I don't have any.

Where are your siblings right now? Downstairs.

Which sibling are you closest to, both physically (distance) and emotionally? My sister. 

Did you attend pre-school as a kid? Yes.

What's something you need to buy soon? New nipple covers.

Have you ever been evicted from your home? If so, did you think it was fair? I haven't.

If you could learn any language, what would it be? Korean.

Do you go to cemeteries regularly? Who do you visit? I don't. I do visit my grandpa once every few months, but he's in a columbarium.

[surveysonfleek]

1664.

When was the last time you did clay work/pottery? literally 2020, i ordered a clay kit during lockdown and made this weird pen holder lol

Do you like art, hate it or just not mind it? i thoroughly enjoy it. im a sucker for an art gallery. i dont understand ‘all’ art but its still fun to check out

If you had to choose would you prefer dull pain for 12hours or sharp for 2? dull pain

Koala or Kangaroo? koalas are way cuter

Do you know the words to the national anthem of your country? yes

Is your country ruled by a president, prime minister, queen or other? pm

Does blue occur in your national flag? yes

Talking of flags. Do you like football/soccer? If yes, do you play and what position? no... hot take but i think soccer is so boring to watch

Would you rather be a Model, Famous Scientist, Singer or Chef? singer

Would you rather be a pilot, crime scene investigator or estate agent? pilot i think!

Does making others happy really make you feel happy? yes! it certainly makes me feel good, thats for sure

What colour literally doesn’t appear in your wardrobe at all? i think i should at least own one of each colour in my closet bit i guess i rarely wear yellow

Do you actually read the answers others give to your surveys? i dont make surveys

Did you ever swear at a teacher in school? Why? nah

Have you ever pricked your finger on Holly or another ‘sharp’ plant? yea, probably 

Speaking of Holly, do you adore Christmas or does it bug you? i enjoy xmas but i really hate consumerism and the tradition my family and my partner’s family has with giving semi expensive gifts. i feel pressure to have to give them something back just as expensive ugh

Have you ever wrote your own short story? What about a novel? Or perhaps you started and couldn’t finish? only for school

Do you prefer SciFi/Fantasy/Action/Horror or Rom/Com/RealLife? i have a really short attention span so its been awhile since ive sat down and watched a ‘serious’ movie. the most recent movie i watched was a romcom

What do you have a lot of faith in [note: can be anything]? idk sadly

Think of a material thing you want. Name it here (material, made or bought). Would $100/60 be enough for this item? How about $1000/600? i want a new iphone. i think they go for like $1500ish

Would you rather have a big house, a lot of kids or a high flying job? high flying job as long as im happy with it

Have you ever been to a creepy/haunted/abandoned place? What did it look like and what were the circumstances? no, im too much for a scaredy cat to do that What’s your favourite dip? french onion

Chocolate Cookies or Fudge Brownies? brownies

I give you a little baby puppy. What do you name him? oh man, idk. id be spending a lot of time thinking of a name

Is crime a big problem in your area? not really tbh

What’s your town/city most well known for? white people lmao Do you know a Jack? What’s he like? How about a Lisa? What’s she like? i dont know any jacks personally. or lisas haha.

Are most your friends older, younger or the same age as you? theyre all around the same age

Do you subconsciously hang out with those with the same star sign as you or as each other, perhaps due to certain personality traits? haha no

Name 5 objects that you don’t have but would like right now? a new phone, new clothes, a handbag, a new car and more candles. i basically just need an upgrade of everything i currently have

When you have children, would you like twins? my partner wants twins sooooo badly. id be happy to have them but defs fine with one baby too hah Do you know any twins? If so, what are they called? i work with a twin, idk her brother’s name

If you were given the choice to choose your child’s gender, would you? id choose a girl first

What instrument would you love to learn how to play? piano properly

Does the sound of knocking/tapping startle you? yes

What’s the scariest story/urban legend/creepypasta etc you heard? haha i really cant think of any from the top of my head

Do you miss someone currently? yasss

When was the last time you were in hospital? What for? i forgot! which is a good thing

When was the last time you went to the dentist? last year

Do you get along well with your family doctor/your doctor? pretty well. which reminds me, i need to grab a script soon

What personality trait does nearly everyone in your family seem to have? i think were all pretty good listeners

[alsjeblieft-zeg]

006 of 2025

[..INTRODUCTIONS..] First Name:

Joeri.

Middle Name:

I think I mentioned it before.

Last Name:

Not sharing that okay.

Birthdate:

25 April 1990.

[..FIRST THINGS FIRST..] What was the first thing you did after you got up?

Taking my morning medication.

What was the name of your first pet?

We had two family pets when I was a kid, a dog named Brutus and a cat named Agatha, I loved her so much.

Who was your first big crush?

I don't think I had one, but I was fascinated with Michael Jackson when I was in primary school lol. Age 6to 9, if I remember well.

Where was the first place you drove after you got your license?

Never got a licence.

Who was your very first friend?

A girl named Martina. Still remember her somehow, she has probably changed a lot... well yeah, she's 34 now.

What was the first thing you ate today?

Cottage cheese.

What was your first job?

Fruit picking as a seasonal job; I was 16.

[..COLORS..] Name something red in the room you are in:

A box of candies.

Is orange one of your school’s team colors?

I don't think we had any.

How many yellow shirts do you own?

None.

Name someone you know who drives a green car:

My dad used to have a dark green car.

Is it a blue sky outside right now?

It was blue, but now it's getting cloudy again.

What is the first thing that pops into your head when I say ‘purple’?

Aubergine... oops, I mean eggplant.

Are the walls in the room you’re in white?

No, they're light beige.

Does black make you think of depressing things?

No. It's just a colour that happens to be one of my favourites.

Jewelry: gold or silver?

Silver all the way, but yeah, my wedding ring is gold-coloured lol. (Not real gold, but stainless steel, though)

[..PHONE STUFF..] Who is your provider?

Proximus.

How long have you had your current phone?

I have two. Samsung I've had for 3 years now, iPhone for two weeks.

What did your last text say?

Something about cats.

If you woke up naked next to the last person to call, would it be awkward?

It was my husband, so no.

Was your last missed call male or female?

Male, my dad.

Who is your 10th phone contact?

I don't like this type of questions, they're boring lol. But for the sake of this survey, it's Burger King. Really.

How did you meet them?

Lmao lol. Probably I went to the restaurant.

Are you related to your 17th phone contact?

It's a bank, so nope. No one of my family works there.

How long have you known your 1st phone contact?

I don't, at least not in person. She's the customer of our shop.

When was the last time you saw them?

Never lol, she buys online.

Who is your 4th phone contact?

The lady from the nearby bookstore. Very friendly, I like her.

Have you ever kissed that person?

Pff.

When was the last time someone drunk dialed/texted/left a voicemail?

I don't remember. My friends drunk call their wives lol.

[..RANDOMOSITY..] What time is it?

Are you supposed to be doing something other than this?

Probably unpacking the suitcases upstairs.

Do you live on your own or with your parents?

I live with my husband, my parents decided to retire in another country.

Are you more of a cat or a dog person?

Definitely a cat person. My love for kitties is indescribable.

Are you allergic to anything?

Yeah. Nuts, dandelions, grass, dogs, dust.

Does your shirt have anything written on it?

I'm wearing a hoodie and no, it doesn't.

Have you ever tie-dyed something?

Once, I think.

Who can you always count on to cheer you up?

My cat. She's a goofy girl.

How many places have you been today?

None, but I have to go buy ink for our printer and then send two packages soon.

Are you a forgiving person?

No, I just move on.

When was the last time you felt let down?

Probably long time ago, by that ex-friend.

What is the title of the nearest book to you?

There are no books next to me.

Are you wearing anything that belongs to someone else?

No, only my clothes.

Can you whistle?

I can't, sadly.

Do you look more like your mother or your father?

I look like both, for real. I have my mum's nose, but my dad's facial features and height.

Are you still in high school?

I've graduated from university years ago.

Are you the oldest, middle, youngest, or an only child?

The oldest of two.

Has anyone ever told you that you talk in your sleep?

No, but my husband does and I'm a witness.

How many people have you kissed this year?

Just one, my husband.

Is there anyone of the opposite sex you trust fully?

Yes, my sister. We truly have a bond.

Are you a night owl or an early bird?

Rather an early bird, but I get tired too easily.

Would you rather go to Brazil for the weekend or Finland for a month?

FINLAND FOR A MONTH OMG this is my dream <3

[..AND FINALLY..] Where did you last go out to eat at?

I don't remember, probably some restaurant in Brussels with friends.

When was the last time you let someone borrow something from you?

Was your last breakup a bad one?

No. We actually remain close friends.

What was the last song you listened to?

A mashup of Sun Fading by Paradise Lost and Better Without You by Evanescence. I made it and it's available on my YouTube channel.

What was the last movie you watched?

I don't watch movies.

Did your last kiss happen in a public place?

No. We don't kiss in public.

How did you meet the last person to leave you a comment?

What comment?

[cryptidsurveys]

Wednesday, July 10th, 2024.

Have you ever been on a laptop inside a vehicle? I don't think so. I'm very susceptible to motion sickness, so that would not be a good time.

While on the road, do you play any road games? I did when I was younger. We'd play games like slug-bug, the license plate game, I spy, and this random game that me and my sibling made up. You'd basically pronounce words very literally, with long vowel sounds, and the other person would have to guess what they were. A very simple/easy example: Juh-ay-puh-ain = Japan.

Do you have a button up shirt? I have a few.

Has there been a word you thought you were spelling correctly but then you find out that it isn’t? What was the word? I don't think I've had that issue with spelling words, but I have experienced it with pronouncing them. Such is the fate of reading books containing words that people don't use very often in everyday speech. I can't think of a specific one atm, though.

Do you have a garden in your backyard/front yard? We have a neglected, overgrown side garden in the front yard. We also used to have a veggie garden in the back, but I didn't bother with it this year. I've just got too much going on to be able to weed, water, and properly care for it. Maybe next year, if I'm more settled in my routines, have better energy levels, etc.

What color is your water tower in your city/town? I have no idea.

Have you ever picked apples before? No.

Are you scared of semi-trucks? Especially when you’re driving next to one? I wouldn't say I'm scared, but I do try to get ahead of or fall behind them as quickly as I can.

Have you accidentally put lipgloss/lipstick on your teeth before? Yeah.

If you wear chapstick, do you have any special flavors or just the regular kind? It's minty.

Do you think little babies look cute in overalls? Yeah.

Have you ever been to the site www.someecards.com? Wow, that really hits me in the early (or at least earlier) internet nostalgia. Same with all the old memes.

Have you ever tried Crystal Lite? If so, what’s your favorite? Maybe once…? I'm not sure.

Have you ever had a dream that your teeth were falling out? Yeah. I have the "teeth dream" on a fairly regular basis. Maybe once every couple of months or so.

Have you ever went on www.dreammoods.com to interpret your dreams? I don't think I've been to that specific site, but I have looked up certain dream themes before. For instance, I had a weird one recently in which I butchered and ate a snake - or almost ate it, anyway. I got right up to the point where I was about to put it in my mouth, but I couldn't do it. Apparently, according to SunSigns dot com, "Eating a snake in a dream can signify a desire for transformation in your life. You may be feeling stuck in a certain situation or circumstance and are looking for a way out. Eating a snake in a dream can be a sign that you are ready to make a major change in your life and embrace a new outlook." Guess I wasn't ready enough, lmao.

Do you own any pajama bottoms with a design on them? Explain what it is [or you can post a picture up if your heart desires to.] I have some purple plaid flannel ones, but I mostly just wear sweats/track pants.

Do you sometimes wonder how surveys were created in the first place? Was someone just so bored that they decided to ask someone random questions? I don't think I ever gave it much thought…but now I certainly am… Thank you, brave, bored soul.

Do you like eating shrimp? I like popcorn shrimp.

Ever heard of Rochester, NY? Yeah.

Do you have a fence? Yeah. The backyard is fenced in.

Do you have any signs on your bedroom door? I don't.

If you have any pets, do you talk to them in a baby voice? Sometimes. And give them ridiculous nicknames, etc.

Does your head hurt when you cry?: It doesn't tend to hurt when I cry, but often afterward. I made the mistake of crying a little in therapy earlier, just a few tears, and a migraine has been threatening ever since. Like, please no, I just had one yesterday, I don't need this in my life. You see, it's not due to a sense of pride or embarrassment that I try to keep my emotions in check, but because I just don't want to deal with the repercussions of letting them out.

Who was the last person to comfort you?: My therapist.

Are you currently wearing any socks?: I am.

What’s the closest thing to your right hand?: The mouse/keyboard.

When was the last time you made a wish?: I'm not sure.

Have you ever watched a foreign film with English subtitles?: I have.

When was the last time you wore athletic shorts?: I have no idea.

Do you think that in the end, everything will fall into place?: In the end, I'll be dead. So…whatever.

What’s the closest transparent object to you?: My water bottle.

What was the last thing you swallowed?: Coffee.

Do you like mayonnaise?: Yeah.

Anyways… When was the last time you went out in the rain?: I think it was a couple of weeks ago. It was sprinkling on the way to the animal shelter.

Have you ever seen a Tim Burton movie, like Coraline, 9, etc.?: I've seen The Nightmare Before Christmas and Coraline.

Do you keep 3D glasses after you’ve left the movie theatre?: Maybe as a kid. I haven't seen any 3D movies in recent years, but I wouldn't keep the glasses.

When was the last time you heard a British accent in person?: I'm not sure.

Who was the last person to unsurprisingly disappoint you?: People unsurprisingly disappoint me all the time. At this point, I would be surprised to be surprisingly disappointed. Or something like that.

Do you know what FTW stands for?: I do.

When was the last time you went bowling?: Not since I was a teen.

Do you like cats?: Yesss. They're my favorite animal.

Do you use aerosol hairspray? It’s bad for the environment, you know…: No.

What was the last food you choked on?: I didn't completely choke, but I had a doughnut the other day and some of the crumbs made me cough. I had to chew and swallow really fast before I coughed 'em all over the place.

Who was the last person you disappointed?: I have no idea.

Do you really miss someone right now?: No.

Do you think anyone can really reach “Nirvana” at some point?: Idk. Maybe they can.

What’s the capital of the state you reside in?: Denver.

What is the last advice you gave someone?: I'm not sure.

Do you ever dip your fingers in wet candle wax?: I have.

Does it annoy you when people are always smiling and happy all the time?: No.

[servin-up-surveys]

survey #194

Do you tend to speed when you drive? When I did drive, no. There were times of after driving a while I mighta zoned out a bit and slightly lost track of my speed, but I'd quickly realize and slow down.

Do you get bored with relationships quickly? No.

Who was the first person to ever give you flowers? Probably my parents at dance recitals.

Do you have an online game that you play often? Yeah, World of Warcraft.

Do you wear glasses? Yes, I'm blind as shit without them.

How long does it take you to normally take a shower? Not even ten minutes.

Have you ever burned incense before? Yes, I love doing that. It's been like, years, though.

Ever been on a picnic? No, but this is a dream date idea for me.

Have you ever had a boyfriend/girlfriend who was depressed? Yes.

Would you be able to climb out your bedroom window to sneak out? I mean yeah, if I needed to.

Was the last person you kissed younger or older than you? He's two years older.

Have you ever purchased Girl Scout cookies? Yeah.

Do you like waffles? I do, but not so much if they're like, hard or really crispy, I prefer them to be somewhat soft.

Do you find piercings/tattoos attractive? Oh hell yes, at least generally. Bad tattoos and badly placed piercings exist.

Do you always wear your seatbelt? Absolutely, I can't even imagine not doing so.

Have you ever liked someone much older than you? Only in the celebrity crush sorta way haha, in my real, personal life, I've never been romantically interested in an individual more than like, five-ish years older than me.

Do you have any secrets that nobody knows about? Yes. Nothing harmful or relating to other people, it's just... stuff I don't share.

Do you believe prayer really works? Nope.

Are tongue piercings slutty? lmfao no, they're hot as fuck

Is there anybody you think is hot over the age of 40? oh brother

Least favorite alcoholic drink? I haven't tried all that many to be honest bc I'm so picky, but I can tell you I hate things with a strong alcohol concentration. I know I've hated any wine I've ever tried.

Have you ever kissed someone named Paul or Luke? No.

How did you meet the last male you texted? He's my father.

Do you wear skirts a lot? I don't think I've worn a skirt since childhood.

How many pairs of jeans do you think you have? Zero.

Are you one of those people who claim to live with no regrets? Nope, I've got 'em.

When was the last time you wore eyeshadow? Literally years ago.

What is your favorite color eyeshadow to wear? I only ever really wore black.

Would you rather work with animals or work with children? Animals, easy.

Would you rather work with children or work with teenagers? If I literally had zero choice, teenagers.

Would you rather watch a movie, watch a TV show, or watch a YouTube video? YouTube video.

What was the last type of cookie you ate? Chocolate chip.

What is your favorite type of frosting for a cake? Chocolate.

Do you know anyone who wants to be the president one day? Not that I'm aware.

Do you have your mom’s or dad’s hair? Mom's.

Have your parents ever been out of the country? No.

Do your pets chase after bugs? Roman does. He killed my bathroom spider friend a few days ago lmao

Is the last person you spoke to in love? No.

Who was the main character in the last book you read? That I finished, Jody. What I'm reading now has three "main" characters; the chapters alternate between them.

Who are the last people you saw kiss? My sister and her husband while I was taking photos.

Have you ever posted a fanfiction on a website? No.

What was the last unpleasant thing to wake you up? I don't know if it specifically woke me up, but back pain. I've been dealing with it on the left side of my back for a long time now.

When you get married, who will be the maid of honor/best man? My mom, very easily.

What was the last thing you took a picture of? I recently took holiday pics for my sister and her family.

When you go to McDonalds, what drink do you usually get? Coke. I always do the same, depending on if they offer Coke or Pepsi products: Coke, or Mountain Dew.

When was the last time someone took a picture of you? I wanna say two Fridays ago when I was petting Oakley in her favorite spot (her chest) and Mom snapped a picture.

Would you date someone who’s shorter than you? Yes, otherwise is some of the most shallow shit I've ever heard.

Do you mind being the third wheel? I really don't, unless we're like, all in the same room and they're getting pretty intimate.

Have you ever felt guilty after doing something sexual? As a teenager, I wondered A LOT if I was breaking the "rules" of abstinence. Looking back, that shit was so insane, how much I cared about remaining a virgin until I got married.

Do your parents know if you’re having sex? I don't think my mom is totally sure, but last I mentioned in a doctor's office (asking if I could be pregnant or anything), she probably thinks not.

Do you prefer candy corn or conversation hearts? Both are awful.

What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever had in your mouth? um definitely not jizz

Has anyone ever threatened you with a knife? thank fuck no

(If you’re a girl) Has anyone ever called you "shortie" instead of girl? No, thank god, I'd cringe so fuckin hard

Do you think you’re more cute or sexy? I mean out of the two, cute, but I don't find myself anywhere near either.

What did you eat for lunch today? I actually didn't eat lunch. I'm trying to remove it from my routine for weight loss purposes.

What was the last thing you threw up? literally Dorito's lmao

Last person’s house you were in? Besides my own, my older sister's.

Are you someone’s best friend? Girt's, at least.

Favorite gemstone? Dragon's breath opal.

What is the last thing you said to the person you like? Life kinda forced a kitten onto Girt lol, but he's in love with it and it's absolutely adorable. It was something regarding her as he's planning what to do with her when no one is home.

Missing anybody? Girt, I haven't seen him in around a week and I miss him.

Do you want any tattoos? If yes, what? I want a ton of tattoos. My next one will almost certainly be with Christmas money to cover my "ohana" mistake, of a green apple covered with black ooze in a design that's like what you see on the poison apple from Snow White.

What are your plans for the day? Today's over, but tomorrow morning I get some blood taken for a thyroid health follow-up appointment next week, and I believe my A1C is also being tested again. I'm a nervous fucking wreck about it. Mom's mentioned at some point she also wants to bring the (STUNNING!!!!) wreath she made my sister to her house, and I'll ride with her for that. I might see if Girt wants to stop by after work.

What did you have for breakfast? Cinnamon Toast Crunch.

What color hair do you find sexiest on the opposite gender? I find abnormally colored hair sexiest on literally anybody, lol.

What celebrity did your most recent ex resemble? No one that I knew of? I did always tell her her singing reminded me of Amy Lee, though. Regardless of what I think of her, Sara was an incredible singer.

When did you last consume something that had peanut butter? Literally tonight haha, I had apples with peanut butter after dinner.

[nostalgiaispeace]

2348.

[chasingghosts @ bzoink]

What TV shows are you watching at the moment?   the last of us

Do you enjoy having deep, philosophical conversations?   Yes

Have you ever studied human anatomy?   just bio

Do you plan to do much or go anywhere tomorrow?   i have cpr recerts

What was your favourite fairytale when you were growing up?   i don't remember

Did you feel bored before you started this survey?   No

Have you applied for a job recently?   No

Do you have vivid dreams?  sometimes

Would you have more word documents or images saved on your computer?   images

Have you ever experienced severe health anxiety?   Yes. 

Do you have a drink with you right now and if so, what is it? If not, what would you like to be drinking right now?   yes; wine

Are you home alone right now?   No

What do you use - haha, lmao, lol, rofl? Something else entirely?   lmao

What noises can’t you stand to hear?   the tv and dryer

What’s your favourite pasta shape?   i dont have one

What state, territory or province do you live in?   kentucky

Would you rather be sleeping right now?   yes

Are you still in touch with anyone you went to high school with?   yes

Do you use the Notes app on your phone much? If so, what for?   no

Who did you last have a deep conversation with?   my mom i thinjk

Do you prefer floral or fruity scents?   floral

What’s your favourite non-dairy milk?   soy

Do you have any tattoos? If so, tell me about one.   yes; i have the titanic

Where are your siblings right now? idk 

Which sibling are you closest to, both physically (distance) and emotionally? i'm not close to my sibling

Did you attend pre-school as a kid?   no

What’s something you need to buy soon? idk

Have you ever been evicted from your home? If so, did you think it was fair?   No

If you could learn any language, what would it be?   french

Do you go to cemeteries regularly? Who do you visit? No.

[rgbfall]

I was gonna just infodump in the tags, but fuck it this topic is super interesting and im literally writing an essay on it, so I'm gonna yell about this topic for a bit

So, fun little fact, autistic people are actualy 8(.1) times more likely to identify as ace than NTs are! which is a lot! it's the most common sexuality for autistic people. The closest category after this is "other", which is anything other than ace, bi, straight or gay lumped together into one group, and that's about 7.6 times more likely, and only not even twice as likely to be bi (on average) (1)

Then the other way round, as over half of asexual people are neurodivergent (2), and around 37% of aro people are neurodivergent (3)

So yeah, autistic people are wayy more likely to be aspec and vice versa. And sure, not every autistic person is aspec or every aspec person autistic, but it's pretty likely if someone is one they are also the other!

gonna add a lil more under a cut about why i think the reasoning this is, but for now sources:

&lt;(1) orientation in autistic people> <(2) 2019 ace community survey> <(3) 2020 aro survey>

So why do I think this is? Well first ima give a lil more info about the essay I'm writing, which discusses explanations for why there's such a massive intersection between neurodivergent people and LGBTQ+ people. Before starting my essay, I did a lil survey (only 11 ppl really it was more to get some ideas for why queer neurodivergent people thought there is a link between the two things.

As part of that survey, I asked if people, regardless or orientation, felt as though neurodivergence affected how they experience any attraction, including stuff like platonic. 5 people said yes, 2 were unsure and 4 said no. Reasons given for this included:

"maybe difference in social skills means I often use more romantic language and actions ("I love you,", calling people pet names like babe, being outwardly affectionate) with close friends effects the way my platonic love is shown, but I don't know if it effects the emotions"

"I find relationships harder to build and find intimate relationships, platonic and romantic, more rewarding."

"Yes ... because I never text my friends back and I can’t be bothered to date anyone because it sounds like so much work and idk how other people just causally get a s.o. Like bro aren’t you stressed out and also bored?? I’d rather just avoid it forever""

*these are all a mix of neurodivergent people, so isn't exclusively an autistic experience

Generally it's stuff to do with struggling to form and maintain relationships, which makes sense bc autistic (and other neurodivegent) ppl tend to have a harder time with communication!

And since some forms of being aspec are actually genuinely bc people are just not interested in relationships, it could be to do with that! autistic ppl have a hard time forming relationships and attachments, and so might not bother or instead decide to label this difficulty!

Also, I know you said general aphobic and ableist arguments tend to say autistic/aspec ppl are emotionless, but that is genuinely my (autistic and aroace) experience with attraction. I am literally loveless, so like. lmao yeah sure being autistic literally DOES make me emotionless, so what? Doesn't make me less aspec, and the fact that I'm aspec and autistic and therefore don't love doesn't make me inherently worse than other people? It doesn't make me a bad person?

I do get that headcanoning autistic characters as aro/ace and aro/ace characters as autistic can create a false perception that they’re inherent to each other, but literally everyone I’ve heard making this argument is either being really aphobic or really ableist about it.

They say that saying an autist is aspec means it proves the idea that autists are incapable of emotion, or that saying an aspec is autistic proves aspecs are just weird and mentally ill.

It’s really funny how aspecs and autists share a lot of the same problems. We don’t feel quite the same way as others, we express our love differently, people think we’re gross and unhuman. We’re not. We should be teaming up to face bigots together, not doing their job for them by turning on each other.

Also most aspecs i’ve met are autistic and most autists i’ve met identify as aro or ace so it’s not like the link doesn’t exist lol.