#I was aroace before 18 even if I didn't know

[aroacedragon]

I was told to spread the thing, so I'm spreading.

[cod-z]

[NSFW 18+] Pegging Series (Anon Reveal)

Your media consumption isn't my responsibility | TW: NSFW 18+, Title itself explanatory

Pairing(s): John 'Soap' MacTavish x Stoic!Reader

| One-shots | A/N: My anon reveal and brain-rot. For those who knows said story, yes, I am THAT anon from said blog

---------------------------

Johnny has a thing for Stoic!Reader because of the mystery behind them, always keeping a poker face even in dire situation and the strong, powerful aura that reader has but it's also reassuring. A mix between Price and Ghost the stern yet comforting from Gaz.

Johnny knocking on stoic!reader's door because Price had asked him to get the paperworks that were needed but ends up just stammering towards reader because the way reader speaks is so emotionless and stern, it sends him into a horny frenzy-

Finally telling stoic!reader what Price wanted, reader dismisses him but he doesn't leave and just stands there like a sweet, lost puppy and who is totally not horny or anything because reader is only in a black tank top and their cargo pants while reader does paperwork.

Stoic!Reader casually staring at Johnny because he hasn't left and asks if there is anything else.

Johnny stutters as he tries to explain that Price, Ghost and Gaz were getting ready for a mission, clenching onto the documents, trying to ask a certain question because poor pup was going to be alone for quite awhile but ends up silencing himself and leaving. 'Cause why would reader do that for him if reader was aroace? (again, sue me).

Not even 2 weeks in when the other three were gone. Johnny pathetically asks Stoic!Reader if they could fuck him.

Stoic!reader who wanted to say 'no' till they saw the twitching outline of Johnny's bulge and felt a twinge of pity for Johnny boy and sighs.

Stoic!reader who says 'yes' but only on one condition which makes Johnny happy, though the next day Johnny was now on his hands and knees with stoic!reader prepping his rim to take in the strap-on they bought online together (Johnny totally didn't get the overnight shipping).

Johnny is already a squirming mess as he came twice already from being prepped by reader. Reader obviously not done with Johnny, had already put the big, girthy, bumpy strap-on, on already and grabs him roughly by his mohawk. Rubbing the plastic-rubber against his weeping cock gathering the cum and proceeds to rub coated strap-on onto his ass, slicking it up before pushing it to the hilt.

Pathetic whining moans leaves Johnny's lips as he's drilled onto Stoic!Reader's bed like reader hates him, shocking Johnny at the full force that comes from reader's frame, he never would've guessed reader would have it in them to be this way. Letting him orgasm in this position twice before doing it once missionary.

Johnny already an overstimulated little pup on stoic!reader's bed, crying from too much pleasure and was ready to give out, to fucked out to even help reader orgasm. But don't worry, reader already had a plan for that.

Stoic!Reader pushing Johnny's legs up, stroking the tip of his cock before guiding it into reader's hole making poor Johnny weep from overstimulation, pain and pleasure. Knees behind Johnny's ass while holding his legs up as reader fucks down onto him, closing in on their own orgasm and Johnny building up his, what? 5th? 7th orgasm? He doesn't know.

Neither of the two hearing the sound of multiple boots hitting the floor nearing reader's barracks. The door opening as both Johnny and Reader orgasms at the same time.

Johnny looks weakly at the other three with a smile, who stared at Stoic!Reader in shock, Reader's expression remains stoice but as their eyes trailing down the three men's body already seeing their growing bulge, stoic!reader gives a small smirk and removes themselves from Johnny (who totally didn't pass out).

Well shit. Price, Ghost and Gaz later on couldn't remember that reader smirked at them, nor did the four remember that reader pecked their foreheads as they all lay together, asleep, after being fucked and looked after by reader.

Stoic!reader who finishes changing, closes the door quietly letting their four boys sleep. Till next time.

[yukasyukasyukasyukas]

Random valorant agents headcanons bc I'm sleep deprived

(this means I didn't get my 12 hours of sleep today)

Brimstone

Hugest ally on the VP (which, lets be honest, doesn't mean much since they're all gay)

First person KJ came out to and he was so emotional about it

Constantly tries to get the agents to get closer or at least respect each other but after Cypher mentioned how him and Breach treat one another he gave up

Calls some agents (Viper, Sage and Killjoy) by their first names on the everyday and calls Sova, Chamber and Deadlock (the other ex militars) by their last names

I wanted to hc him an American football team but idk any💞💞💞

Viper

Brimstone and Vyse are the only ones to call her Sabine bc they know her since before the "incident"

KJ also used to call her Sabine before the VP but Viper was bitter abt agents calling her by her first name

Scared for her life of failing Reyna, not because she actually fears her, but because she actually cares about Lucia

Older sister who lost contact with her family

Aroace

Has a snake named Viper that is older than the protocol

Omen

Is annoyed by people mistaking knitting with crochet

Very kind to the younger agents

In his own way though

Killjoy

Has an older sister who doesn't talk to her since she was a teenager

HOW DOES ONE BECOME THE LEAD OF A WHOLE DIVISION ON SUCH A HUGE CORPORATION AT THE AGE OF 18???!$+2+_(not a hc, just a concern)

The fact her dad died before she was born probably has something to do with her closeness to Cypher and Brimstone

Rich af but rents an apartment with another girl and that place is absolutely precarious

Pays the rent monthly even if she doesn't spend a single night there

Has a huge lesbian flag on the living room and that has gotten her very straight roommate into delicate situations with her boyfriends

Her roommate is Brazilian from São Paulo bc I want her to

Very easily impressed by anything Raze does even if it's something she can do a thousand times better

I feel like she would main a duelist if she played val, probably Reyna or Raze

Cypher

Has a picture of his wife and kids on his bedside table

He keeps Nora's favorite clothing and his children's baby toys

Girl dad obv

Killjoy reminds him of his oldest daughter and sometimes he calls her his daughter's name

Hates kingdom but since he joined the protocol he learned how to convive with their workers, even if he doesn't like it most part of the time

Scares little kids on Roblox for fun

Wouldn't mind having a relationship with a man but after Nora he can't imagine himself in another relationship so he doesn't give it a try

(I love him and Nora😭)

Sova

Calls the other agents by their first names

Was friends with Sage since before the protocol

Recommend Sage to Brimstone

One of the only coworkers Viper enjoys the company of

Once he tried to speak Spanish to mess around with Reyna and Raze swore he was speaking Portuguese bc of the accent

Trans bc I want to project into my fav characters

Morning walks

Sage

Calls everyone by their first names

Has two younger siblings but she hasn't had notice of them since she started the monk training

Misses them

Met Skye when researching about her healing powers, Skye was doing the same

Born radiant

Great at cooking but Jett gaslit her into thinking it was bad as a joke and she still believes it

After Harbor joined the VP she got back into cooking

Lesbian bc I said so

Not much close to the other women in the protocol, only Skye, Jett, Neon and Reyna

Closer to the men on the VP (Sova, Brimstone, Cypher, Iso, Omen etc)

Doesn't have a clue of why Clove doesn't like her

Phoenix

Nerd

This man is a canon theater kid, he absolutely LOVES musicals, specially Hamilton and Jett and Raze tease him Abt being British and liking it

Bi

For some reason Jett gaslights him into thinking he's actually gay, obviously never worked

Him and Jett break up for the most ridiculous reasons, they've already broken up more times than one can count on fingers

Banned from every kitchen he steps on

Learned Korean só Jett would shut up about her being bilingual while he only spoke English

Once he let Astra undo his dreads to give him braids, it was the saddest day of his life

Raze bullies him for his style💔💔💔💞

Jett

Can cook five stars dinners but insists on eating leftovers she finds on the fridge and steals from the other agents

Doesn't dare touching Chamber's "monstrosities of dishes"

Makes people their favorite dinner and a special breakfast on their birthdays

Cooks for the whole protocol on weekends

Most my hc surround on the fact she's always eating something and was a chef😔

Gaslights everyone into believing the most random and/or stupid things and has actually convinced Gekko that dog is a common dish in east Asia

First thing she asks every east Asian she meets outside of east Asia is if they eat dog

Sage was mad at her for this

Also bi

Reyna

Actually very caring and worried for most agents

Siblings relationship with Yoru

Randomly starts speaking Spanish to Sage just to annoy her

Learned Chinese just to mess around with Sage

Lesbiana

Flirts with Breach as a joke

Iso actually believed she and Breach were a couple when he arrived

Homophobic to Raze and Killjoy

Non ironically has offered to find Raze a better girlfriend than Killjoy

Wants to be a mother but can't because of her duties and Sage doesn't like children

Raze

BRAZILIPPINES

Hugest anarcocomunist

Grafitti artist

Has sent Kingdom, Killjoy and Viper dozens of blackmails before joining the protocol

Didn't like Killjoy for her first years in the protocol

Boombot was created as a "rebellion" from Killjoy's tech with an alarmbot that Kingdom placed near her house

Has a younger brother who is her absolutely whole world

Capoeira.

Breach

Actually speaks Portuguese very well

Dad jokes

Hates children and the only exception is Raze's younger brother

Please please please please please read the joke I posted😭

Didn't get along with Deadlock nor Chamber at first

Gets along well with Cypher, Harbor and Fade

Likes men and makes it everyone's business and is very annoying to homophobes about it (bi)

Has kissed Harbor once just to see the look of terror on a homophobic guy's eyes

Skye

Lesbian

Owes a personal gun that she uses to scare bigots and idiots in general

Was guilty about rejecting Yoru

Still is very close to him

Skyelock beloved

The ship name should be changed to Hiking Buddies or something

Can make a cat with her powers and it plays with Nightmare when it's starting to affect Fade too much

Closer to Fade than most agents think

Morning walks with Sova and Deadlock

Yoru

Has a huge knowledge on east Asian culture in general

Speaks ainu and a little uchinaguchi

Values culture and tradition more than his life

Constantly educating Jett on Korean traditions???

Mansplains a lot

Neon (single) teases him for being single

Has the "lesbian curse" in which every woman he likes is a lesbian and it's starting to develop into an "aroace curse"

Homophobic to Killjoy

Misogynist to Killjoy

everything you can think that is bad against Killjoy

And Reyna is with him on these

Astra

Pansexual

Nerd on physics

Knows a lot about quantum physics

That was me projecting, sorry

I need more astra content to make more headcanons 😔😔😔

Galaxsea/ astrarbor/ Neptune/ sea star

Born radiant

KAY/O

Doesn't actually have feelings, he's just programmed to make humans feel loved (besides, obviously, being a war machine)

It was a way of keeping the non radiant soldiers hopeful during the radiant war

He's a robot, of course he doesn't have feelings

Killjoy is absolutely fascinated by him and wonders if it was her who built him or at least made his project

The "hatred" he has for the radiants is also a way of keeping the non radiants feeling safe and appreciated

Sage is the exception from his radiant hatred because she's always appeared to be against Reyna's radiant dominant ideal world and he read that as a powerful ally to his cause

He's AI ofc he's gonna be a little dumb even though he's from like 2060

Chamber

I refuse to

Does he like men?

Was homophobic to Killjoy and Raze when they started dating and to Sage and Reyna

Was actually homophobic

Turned out he likes men???

I'm confused

I don't like him

Neon

BRAZILIPPINES

She probably knew Killjoy before the VP or at least heard about her not as an professional but as a person

Definitely likes women

Since she became a radiant at such a young age and os so powerful there were probably lots of accidents

Was mostly isolated from the outside for a long time before the thing that is sticked to her back was finished

That'd explain why she doesn't like making new friends, she doesn't know how to

Knows a lot of stuff involving quantum physics and science since her parents work at kingdom and she has worked with them

Fade

Constantly found sleeping on the floor

Sometimes she leaves Nightmare out of her bedroom to get a peaceful night of sleep

Goes to sleep on about the same time Skye is waking up

Fadelock goes hard too

You'll rarely see her awake but when you do she looks like she hasn't slept in a decade

Doesn't actually sleep, just take 30 min naps throughout the day

Took a while to stop calling Harbor "agent Batra" during missions

I just checked and that is lore inaccurate but idc

Likes men and women, never stopped to think of it as "oh, I'm lgbt" that's just one more small detail about her

Had a cat that her brother gave her when she was a kid, it died of kidney failure a few years before she joined realm

Harbor

History and architecture nerd

Also a philosophy enthusiast

Has a tattoo that says "Memento mori et memento vivere" and that's what caught Astra's attention at first

Him and Astra spend a lot of time just nerding around

He's very caring yet not much protective to the younger agents

Randomly throws water at people who walk by

Breach and Deadlock learned on the hardest way not to be around him with a glass of water

Calls Fade Hazel because at first he thought that was how it was and never corrected it

Older brother of two sister

Pansexual

Gekko

Grafitti artist

Is an only child but is very close to the children is his neighborhood

Gay

That guy looks so gay I'm gonna cry

Has a dog named Lizard

Him and Raze talk to each other in Spanish and Portuguese and it's an absolute nightmare for others to decifrate their alien language

Asked Sage if people actually eat dogs in Asia and was punished for a week, Reyna had lots of fun

Jett still teases him about it

She told Iso about that and every time Gekko asks him what he's eating he says it's dog

Him and Deadlock are actually chill about each other for as long as one doesn't cross the other's boundaries when it comes to his radivores

Deadlock

This woman doesn't have a drop of heterosexuality on her body

She thought she liked Iso but it turned out he was just the only one not asking her to get along with radivores and radiants

Hates when she's called by her first name

Skye, Sage and Sova call her Iselin or Ise

Lost contact with her family and legally got rid of her last name Legally got rid of her last name as a way to try to protect her parents from potential threats related to her missions (edited bc apparently Frøya and Anna were indeed Iselin's sisters and I was too stupid to notice)

Fadeskyelock(?)

Used to go on lots of missions involving radivores before the VP but after the polar bear she didn't trust herself near them again

Graduated in biology

She wanted to be a scientist when she was a kid

Used to be obsessed about radivores and radiance before the bear

Iso

Can't cook for his life

Used to think he liked Deadlock but it was just compulsory heterosexuality

Aroace

Not much close with most agents but Sage and Deadlock

Him and Raze are absolute nightmares to go in mission with, those mfs listent to music so loud they can't hear anything else

KJ was scared of him

Only listens to music that are on languages he doesn't speak

Raze showed him Brazilian funk and he started listening to it during missions

Clove

Don't give a shit if they're misgendered

The pet rock is to throw at those who insist that they're a woman even after they correct them

Sleeps the whole day and is awake during the whole night

Immortal, queer, sleeps during the day... Are they a vampire?!

Randomly dresses up fancy and stays on that fit for the whole day, they can be seen wearing a suit during missions in breeze

Spends all their time awake doing unproductive stuff

Vyse

Was a physicist and later got into engeneering

She can't really remember those last years before the scions took her

Was took by the scions by Omen but none of them know

Doesn't like Iso

Her and Viper used to be very close friends, their friendship cou be compared to Jett and Phoenix's, they were very spontaneous

The "incident" was something involving her but no one really remember how it was

Ace

Had a cat named Jaguar

[cammiluna]

i needed a size chart for my comic.

i don't have exact measurements of these guys, but I'm gonna say Geno's barely 5' or somewhere a bit below and the others can be comparable from there.

Kamek would be Gaz' height if he were hunched over with a shell. fun fact was that i never thought about whether or not he had a shell when i began the first comic and then at the last chapter, i threw in a sloppy fanon that it broke somehow, and used his magic to survive without it, but it came at the cost of giving so much upper body strength that he stands completely upright.

Mallow and Gaz were 13 and 8 when they met during the smithy incident and are now 23 and 18 respectively. They've been best friends since they first met. Gaz is around the same height as his mother.

Geno is the king of small here. SMRPG as a game kind of gave everyone except bowser same-height syndrome, so having him relatively small to signify that his human form was based on the doll was what I was going for here.

As for Fawful, I made him tall in the original fanfic back in 2004 and I just refused to change that when I rebooted the story as a comic in 2010. i just didn't feel like it

maybe i'll do a full color of this in the future as i do need to make some key art of all the main characters.

I don't even know if Margie (jellyfish girl) is gonna be in the comic. It was gonna be ifool canon that as much as she and Fawful stay in contact after he leaves Beanbean, they don't actually see each other in person again for at least several years.

of course, that was way before i thought "hey, this would be an interesting mutually-aroace ship idea" so who knows what'll happen.

[ametrictonofaudacity]

Yay matchups! So hello I hope you’re doing alright and feel free to take your time on this one :)

So my name is Lune, and please make sure it’s platonic. I’m aroace and agender, I’m 17 turning 18 (in a few weeks actually I’m pretty excited), I enjoy skating gaming drawing and playing piano (I’m trying to learn guitar). I should definitely mention that I’m autistic and have adhd, although you aren’t expected to do too much research for me, just keep in mind when going out or when I’m with too many people I end up being difficult, this also means I’m a little picky with the clothes I buy as the food I eat. As for my personality it really depends on the atmosphere and how long I’ve known someone but naturally when we just meet I’m extremely awkward, I don’t go out of my way to greet or talk to people, I usually hide or talk to anyone else in the room, plus I might find an excuse to leave early because of how low my social battery is. When I’m a little closer I’ll start being physically affectionate, of course if the friend allows it, not too much though, but it’ll still be noticeable. Speaking about physical affection that’s one of my main love languages, I am the type of friend to hug or kiss my friends on the forehead, if they’re comfortable of course! Additionally I tend to stim too much, I have a hard time controlling my vocal chords so I might appear like I’m yelling, and sometimes, if I’m in an extremely good mood, I’ll feel like I’m high off of happiness. I know I’m not high but it’s the best way to put it,y cheeks turn red I get all giddy and giggly, I run around the room, I like touching stuff with textures rub my face on it and spin around, it’s just pure hyperactivity. I already mentioned this but since I have a small social battery I might need a lot of space? Like me time. Otherwise things get too overwhelming and I shut down, I might cry even. Me time can vary depending on how long I’ve spent outside the house, like if I spent a few days with someone 3-4. I probably wouldn’t make any plans for another week and a few days. The last thing I feel like I should mention is im a little sensitive, I might not exactly cry but I’ll get hurt by a lot of things.

If this is important at all, which I doubt, but I’m raised in the Middle East, I speak Arabic and I did immigrate to North America.

Anyway that’s it thank you for your time

Hi!! Sorry this took me so long, I may or may not have gone into a depressive episode lmfao. Also I really like your name! Without further ado, here ya go! I am also autistic and ADHD, so we're twinning lmao

I match you with Clark Kent!

When the two of you meet, admittedly, it's a little awkward. Clark was used to being quiet, unassuming Clark Kent, and as you mentioned, you don't go out of your way to engage with new people. And Clark wouldn't want to pressure you, he can see how uncomfortable you are, and he understands that some people just didn't like strangers, simply because they were strangers.

But then the two of you keep meeting, and gradually, you start growing more comfortable around him. Part of this is due to Bruce, who he had gotten used to stealing away when the other hero got too uncomfortable in a situation, and had unintentionally taught him how to spot when someone's social battery was getting low, even if they were forcing themselves not to show it in any obvious ways. So he would guide you away with a comforting hand on your shoulder, and make quiet excuses for you, saying how he needed you to help him with this or that thing, how he was very sorry but it just couldn't wait. If you needed to be alone, in order to recharge your social battery before the next bit of interaction, he would run interference, making sure you had time to recuperate. Half the time he just sicced Jon on them, because his son would also be very fond of you and look up to you as an older sibling, even if he realizes he's your sibling before Clark realizes he's your Dad.

As for sensory issues and being a picky eater or being picky in regards to clothes, Clark has so much experience in this you have no idea. Even if his own children didn't struggle with textures, which they do with both Conner and Jon being ADHD which they inherited from him, he struggled a lot with textures as a kid himself. Granted, part of it was due to super senses overwhelming him before he had gotten his invulnerability, but still. Sensory overload is hell, and he is aware of it. He goes out of his way to try and memorize what textures you enjoy, and which ones you don't like.

I think the first time he realizes how fond he is of you, and that you are absolutely his kid, is the first time you openly show excitement and enthusiasm in front of him. I could see Conner teaching you guitar, or maybe the two of you playing together with you playing the piano while Conner plays the guitar and this man is just- big feelings. Big feelings he has no idea what to do with because those are his kids and he loves them so much he thinks he might die from how strong it is.

He absolutely gets you blankets with texture you like too, and various stim toys. He may accidentally steal one, though, be warned.

I honestly see him as being the sort of person to try and learn more about where you were raised. Does this mean he will be trying to learn Arabic? Yes. Is he very good at it at first? No. Does he have a best friend who's son is more than willing to insult him if it meant he got better at speaking Arabic? Yes, even if Damian could afford to be a little less mean about it.

Another good thing is that Clark is pretty much the ideal for if you feel you cry or get upset easy. He's able to actually communicate his emotions, unlike some (*cough* Batman *cough*) and he knows how to make himself seem less intimidating.

All in all, cool dad. Even as a platonic yandere, he would be pretty chill, although there's more kidnapping involved

[bucketofchum]

Foster Bros AU Atumu gets a girlfriend at age 22-ish? Maybe older. Maybe 25. She's respectful so she hasn't tried to push his boundaries (he's still aroace but she's a nice person - one of the few nice people he has met in his life), so they haven't ever done anything beyond cuddling before. She's older than he is. A lot of emotional intelligence. More content with under the cut (lots of SA trigger warning)

I think this is after she had met Startop and Startop acts like a total dick bc he's jealous. Atumu tries to defend his foster brother for his behaviour. After all, Startop is the only other human being who has ever been kind to him and genuinely cared for him as a person.

Atumu casually alludes to some bad shit that happened, but he seems emotionally okay with it. Doesn't go into detail but he just mentions it. Like some bad shit happened, but it's bc he's got this deformed body. And Alice is like ?? Bc she has seen Atumu in basically his underwear and he looks fine to her. He looks FINE to her haha. Anyhow he shrugs it off like it's no biggie but she is actually curious. Will be tell her? They've been dating for, idk, like, 2 years now at this point? (Atumu doesn't really know what a relationship is so I guess he doesn't know how long they have been dating. He doesn't even know what dating is).

Atumu is intersex. He doesn't really know what it is, and he doesn't know much about it. But he knows there is something physically "wrong" with him, and that's probably why all the Bad Stuff happened. He has experienced REPEATED sexual assaults, in almost every stage of his life. Early childhood (before 8 years old - but he has no memory of that, age 12 at boarding school from a group of older boys - really fucking traumatic, age 15 when he went to a private university - first week getting drugged and date raped by a bunch of upperclassmen, and 15-18 all throughout his entire undergraduate experience just because he didn't understand boundaries and didn't KNOW he was allowed to say no). By the time he was 18, in his last year in university, he was so emotionally vacant and dissociative and had basically zero will to live. He said no for the first time in his life. And kept saying no. And hadn't had sex since.

Now, some 4-6 years later, it has been a while since he has had any sexual experiences and it's....nice. He has never wanted sex. He was already asexual before the sexual assaults, and afterwards...? He has a hard time distinguishing the difference between sex and rape. Because he has NEVER wanted it. It's all the same to him.

But the kind of tragic thing is that he has sort of internalized it to be...his fault? Like the REASON he was raped was bc of his body. He's got this fucked up body - that's why he was raped. That's why all those horrible things happened to him repeatedly. And this is what he gets for having a fucked up body.

Alice can't imagine what he's talking about since he's so fucking vague about it. He never told her about the rapes, but his vague ass language gave her some idea that he might have been SA'd. But deformed? She's seen almost all of him and the only thing that seemed strange, besides how tall and thin he is, were his large scars across his back. But he has already told her that he doesn't know what those are from (that happened before he was 8 years old, which he has no living memory of).

So she asks to see. Atumu still doesn't know why anyone would want to see his genitals. He thinks all genitals are kinda........ blegh. And his in particular are even more messed up. So he gives her a warning. She still wants to see.

He does eventually show her and.....it sort of all makes sense. Why he'd say that sort of thing. Why he'd think that. He has a penis, like normal - well, I mean not that normal cuz it's MmMmmm..hmmm we will just say more than proportional ... Hm okay no additional comment, but at the base of it, it connects to what looks like a fully formed vagina instead of a scrotum. It looks identical to any normal ciswoman's labia...just weirdly where the clit would be, Atumu instead has his penis. She has heard of "hermaphrodite" before but never knew it could be like this. (She'd spend the next few days furiously teaching herself about it on the internet).

Anyhow, in the moment, she asks if she can touch it. Atumu is uncomfortable, but he allows her to. She tries a bit, but based on Atumu's body language in response, she doesn't push it.

They don't mention it again for a while, but Alice thinks about it nonstop for like...the rest of her life.

[objectosexual]

Hii! So this is a question (that I've also been thinking about myself) how did you figure out you we're object sexual and how did you come to terms with it? (As someone who's currently questioning if they are or not rn)

I know I've talked about it here and there so sorry if some of this is me repeating myself but...

I didn't fully figure it out until I was around 16 or 17 if I remember right (it's been over a decade at this point), but I like. Had crushes on objects pretty much my whole life lmao

But yeah finding info about objectumsexuality (or objectophilia, which was the term primarily used pre-2014 when I was figuring this all out) was kinda hard. Pretty much the only stuff out there was like, click bait about people like Erika Eiffel (and other openly objectum people in relationships with public objects) which sensationalized aspects of it and all that. Stuff I didn't entirely relate to at the time (as I thought I was some level of aroace until I was like 18 -- a lot of it was dysphoria)

But yeah I had a like. Loose idea that the label existed and kinda fit me. I didn't think my experiences counted since the objects I liked were all fictional characters that were alive/anthropomorphized. I liked objectheads and gijinkas of objects. I didn't relate to like. The idea of liking something "cold."

I think it finally clicked when I got a crush on my first car, which was my first real relationship with an object (since I don't count my previous fictional object selfships as such 😅) I can't remember if I used the label prior to realizing I was attracted to my car or not but! I know for a fact I've been using the objecto/objectum label since!

Also all of this was WAY before I learned about the POSIC+ label and up until that point I just described that sort of experience as having hyper-empathy to inanimate objects (which is still true! but I now know it comes from a place of seeing objects as having souls or sapience or whatever)

Anyway as far as coming to terms with it... I don't entirely remember that process. I do remember struggling with it a bit, but at the time, I literally felt like I was the only objectum person on Tumblr (I wasn't, but since no one was really using labels I couldn't find anyone, but people definitely did find me)... It was definitely an alienating experience to be seemingly the only person online who wants to be in a serious relationship with his car.

But eventually meeting more people who had similar experiences, attractions, etc. helped me feel better about it and be more open about it.

Then the (threat of the?) porn ban happened which forced me to closed down my objectum porn blog, which I was already kinda ehhh about running due to some harassment I was receiving on and off Tumblr. So at that point I was more reserved about it

So my timeline is like:

Birth to 2012-ish: object crushes but no idea why

2012-2014: figuring out the label exists and questioning it

2014-2015: realizing it does apply to me, began relationship with my first car

2015-2017: open about it on main & running a porn blog

2017-2020: rarely brought it up directly

2020-present: more open about it again (as well as somewhere in there deciding to be more open about my relationship with Clockboy as an object, not just objecthead)

Idk if this helps at all but that's kinda the gist of figuring it out aha. I don't think you've always needed to know or anything, attractions can begin at any point in your life imo, but I think the following is important to consider if you're not sure:

What kind of attraction are you experiencing?

Is it romantic? Sexual? Both? Is it purely aesthetic? Or even platonic? All of these are incredibly valid, but I think if you have never felt "I want this object to be my romantic partner" or "I want to have sex with this object" then it might be worth doing some introspection on whether or not you "only" identify with the POSIC label -- a lot of those feelings really get muddied and that's what can make it confusing... But it's also possible you haven't found an object that you want that sort of connection with!

I think it's worth remembering you don't have to identify with the objectum label if, after self reflection, it doesn't resonate. Like I can't tell you how or how not to identify, and at the end of the day, it really doesn't matter that much, but if the experiences and feelings of other objectums feel close to your's, it might be worth exploring more as a label for yourself!

But yeah I hope this... All makes sense? Like my journey in particular may not be the like... Standard experience, since my whole life has just been me lusting after objects and once I had an object I considered my partner, it all relatively fell into place

[these-detestable-hands]

HELLO I'm so normal about my guys. Here's a post going into detail about Ira and Edith's relationship! This includes how Volkaire ruins it

NOTE: when I call Edith a republican, I mean this definition of the word:

"an advocate of republican government.

"those who favored the continuance of the republic made every effort to defeat the monarchists and to have republicans elected in their places""

(source: google dictionary, third definition)

I am NOT referring to the modern US American meaning of the word. I would beat you senseless if you implied for even a second that Edith supported the republican party.

Ira and Edith have vaguely each other for about 15 years but have only been friends for the last 11 or so.

Edith has always been aware of Ira's close friendship with the emperor but didn't really have a problem with it because, A, Volkaire used to be more normal and, B, Volkaire was only a prince when he befriended Ira.

Now, it upsets Edith a lot and they've drifted apart a bit. Ira feels that he cares more about Volkaire but it's clearly a sort of one sided friendship because Ira cares about him deeply but Volkaire only uses and manipulates Ira for selfish goals.

Had Edith and Ira become friends when they first met, Ira wouldn't be a royalist at all.

I think with them drifting apart, there isn't really anyone to blame but Volkaire. Ira was never taught any better and obviously cannot recognize that he is being manipulated. Edith didn't know how badly Volkaire was treating Ira until it was too late to try suggest he stops hanging out with Volkaire.

They've only been drifting apart for the last year though because Volkaire has only been emperor for about 18 months at this point. There's a good 10 years where they're very good and close friends.

Judgement I / pre canon

Honestly I kinda wanna say they were in a qpr for the second half of those 10 years. You just KNOW Edith reads over paperwork while Ira naps on her lap like a cat. This makes Volkaire basically tearing them apart much worse. They meant everything to each other for a while there and then that stupid asshole Volkaire ruined it :( they're my characters though, I'm having fun hurting them :3 anything to make Edith's death more sad amirite. Also now as I'm writing this post I've decided Edith is aroace

Judgement II / during the story

By the time Edith gets arrested, Ira does feel a little bit weird about her. He still absolutely loves her but he's worried about her because he thinks she's gone mad. She keeps telling him about her republican ideas but he's firmly a royalist

Ira doesn't think Edith should have been sent to prison. This is also kinda when Ira starts doubting Volkaire, just a little bit.

"Edith only spoke out against you. Yes it's rude and none of what she said was true, but she didn't physically hurt or harass anyone so she committed no crime."

"Is it not wrong to speak against your fellow man? Is that no longer a crime crime? Or am I different? Is it suddenly okay to slander me because I am the emperor?"

You get the idea.

Edith, on the other hand, just feels very frustrated. She wants to be with her dear friend/partner/??? Ira but the emperor keeps them apart and she's frustrated and upset because she knows that Volkaire is using Ira but she can't tell him or even imply it without Ira getting upset. It's just a very sad situation.

Judgement III / end

By the last few chapters, they've almost completely drifted apart. They've talked twice since Edith was arrested but argued both times. They've communicated a bit these last few weeks, but very indirectly. It would all happen through a messenger, they'd either repeat what the other wanted to convey or hand over a letter. The letters were always very impersonal and professional.

After this when they begin the march on the mountains, they still can't talk. Ira desperately wants to see Edith but she doesn't want to. Finally, the day before the battle, Edith agrees to see him for a bit.

They talk about the weather and battle strategy. It's been so long and the upcoming battle have them both on edge so neither really knows what to say. At the end, Edith finally breaks and tells Ira she missed him. She says she's excited to spend time with him again after the battle. Since the arrest, Edith hasn't talked much to her family. She invites Ira to come with her when she talks to her parents and he agrees.

Actually the interaction doesn't end like that, I changed my mind. They do battle planning with the rest of the group and afterwards then Edith pulls Ira aside. The conversation starts really impersonal but Edith breaks and talks about how much she's missed him. They talk and talk for hours and catch up. They cuddle and fall asleep together.

Next morning they'd probably be inseparable, they've missed each other and want to be together again. They're not even remotely close to each other during the battle due to the formation so they split up around noon and promise to spend a quiet, uneventful month together when they have time.

After the battle, everyone is searching the battlefield for corpses. Ira is probably walking around with Elijah and Mila, crying tears of joy because it's all over and they're free. He sees Edith's corpse in the mud and immediately freezes. She's pale, clearly been dead for at least an hour. Her body's been trampled on too, people kept running back and forth and did not have time to look at what they stepped on. No one had seen her when she was shot. The arrow that killed her wasn't even on a part of her body that would have been an instant or even quick death. Had she just gotten medical attention, she could have easily survived. Instead, she bled out on a muddy plateau, hundreds of kilometers from her home and with no one to even watch as she drew her final breath.

Ira stayed in the capital for a few months for Edith's funeral and to talk to her friends and family but left the first chance he got. The plan was that he would be part of the new government that was to rise from the ashes of the old monarchy, but he changed his mind and went to the countryside to go back to a life of farming, similar to the one that was laid out for him when he was a kid. Ira isn't very much without Edith.

[cod-z]

[NSFW 18+] Pegging Series (Anon Reveal)

Your media consumption isn't my responsibility | TW: NSFW 18+, Title itself explanatory

Pairing(s): Kyle 'Gaz' Garrick x Stoic!Reader

| One-shots | A/N: My anon reveal and brain-rot. For those who knows said story, yes, I am THAT anon from said blog

---------------------------

Ever since their return to base and the 'eventful' night with Stoic!Reader, Kyle has been thinking about it a lot, more than he should. Though it didn't help when Johnny had brought it up whenever they see stoic!reader pass by the next day, acting as if nothing had happened.

Johnny kept mentioning how it felt so good to be stretched out by their delicate fingers, their intense thrusts, a mixture of all of them into one person. Well, to say the least, it had Kyle hot and bothered for the rest of the week.

Like Johnny, Kyle had come to stoic!reader's office because the Captain wanted something from reader, asking one of his mutts to retrieve it for him. Of course darling Kyle would do anything for his Captain (even it was to cockwarm him for an hour but we don't talk about that).

But poor Kyle has had a rough week and well, he was very grouchy and grumpy when he entered reader's office, pent up and had developed attitude throughout the week. Telling stoic!reader that Price wanted something from them, though the sass is evident in his voice which didn't bother reader. And again, like Johnny, Kyle was dismissed.

Though his pretty, little mouth had something smart to say before he walked out the door, slamming it. Unbeknownst to Kyle how Stoic!reader's eyes darkened and the sound of their pencil breaking in their grasp, when he left.

Stoic!reader who clearly doesn't like this new attitude, already deciphering why pretty-boy Kyle is so fiesty towards others, including Price, Ghost and Soap (mainly Soap). The poor lad had the worse end of the stick because he kept annoying Kyle, whether it's rutting into his thighs or was fixated on something and wanted to talk to someone about it.

Last straw being Kyle attacking Soap over something he said. (talking about stoic!reader ofc).

Stoic!Reader who drags Kyle by the ear to his barracks after getting the 'little' toy from their room. Stoic!reader who locks the door this time and gently pushes Kyle onto the bed after stripping him.

Poor Kyle thought he was receiving punishment for the ways he's been acting, though the way stoic!reader has been edging his cock with their tongue, it might as well have been (but it wasn't). Stoic!reader who wants nothing more than to give Princess Kyle the best release he could have<3

Stoic!reader who leaves wistful markings on Kyle's inner thighs leaving him shaking and heavily breathing, aching for more than the teasing. Only to receive a beautiful sight of his cock disappearing into reader's throat, the wonderful feeling of their lips down to the base before the euphoric, ripping sensation of his orgasm.

But oh no, no. We can't stop there.

Pillow Princess Kyle who needed a different strap-on than Johnny, more girth than length, more natural than bumps. Sheathed completely, gently at first to get him accustomed to it before turning him sideways, lifting his leg up and over the shoulder. Hitting that deep, pleasurable spot that makes him see stars, abusing it as he takes it to the hilt.

Stoic!reader never letting up till Kyle goes stupid and on his 4th orgasm before letting him go, setting his leg down and cleaning up the mess. Stoic!Reader who whispers sweet nothings to Kyle, that he's doing a good job, that he's cared for, that reader is proud, till he's asleep.

Stoic!reader who is aroace(sue me), doesn't mind that they didn't get anything in return as long as Kyle was satisfied (and stops being a sassy bitch).

[crowithy]

Amfjdjjwdjdjfhs I wanna talk about Micheal, Pom, and Matt my three main EE OCS.

PLEASE SEND ME ASKS ABOUT MY THREE EE OCS and I'll answer them in the morning I WANNA TALK ABOUT THEM

A little starter info + some images because my tags are a mess rn

Micheal Mush

He/him

Epithet: Decayed - he can decay things, grow mushrooms, and also is decaying a bit himself because of this epithet paired with skin picking habits

Toyhouse for more info

*20 (old/j)

* he has a younger brother named Cici

*wanted to get into welding but changed his mind

*lives with Pom

*his only three friends are Matt, Pom, And Sabrina (@sadsoftserve 's OC)

Matt Makejoy

He/him

Epithet: Fool, I still need to make an epithet description but he uses the jester definition of it :)

*is the youngest of the trio, 18 and a senior in highschool. He was devastated when pom graduated a year before him

*total theater kid

*is one of Giovanni's blasters! Uh I don't have a minion name for him yet but I considered "jest" at one point but I feel it's a little dumb

*he is in a qpr with Pom

*has a playlist full of clown music

*he is trans and almost named himself Jevil but decided against

*has an overbite (he just like me frfr)

*he is banned from any kitchen he has ever entered

Pom Saltatrix

He/him She/Her

Epithet: Tailor, he can change any article of clothing to whatever he wants, as well as summon a bluefish.

*19

*fun fact his name is literally the scientific name for a bluefish(aka tailor) just the first part shortened

*has a fursona, it's a half fish half kodkod (get it? Kodcod?) Even though he hates fish he did it for the pun (and also Matt suggested it)

*serious RBF he's really nice, his face just looks like that

*his family owns a bakery, he works there and loves it

*he's aroace :>

I have no updated designs of him, as I've changed a lot but here's some old images I can find (first was a joke drawing I did but he 100% wears that but also old version of Matt too haha) not much changed he's just fat now (like me, I don't know why I didn't originally do this Pom is the oc that's most like me)

That first drawing was done at school but once I got home I changed it from waving to pulling a middle finger

Don't wake this man up he will hate you

[coffin-bird]

Being aroace for me is centered around this pervasive feeling of Empty.

I realized I was aromantic first, because the times I tried over and over again to date people was met with a constant feeling of nothing. There was never any click, no primordial realization of belonging with a person. It felt like every romantic gesture, every date, every "I love you" was an act. Something I was supposed to do. It felt empty and hollow. It felt wrong. I dated friends, I dated strangers, no amount of prior relationship and understanding with a person ever made me feel whole, and the idea of being romantically involved with someone started making me more and more uncomfortable the more I realized something was wrong, and that this wasn't how people felt when dating. I was (almost) always the one to break up with people, and I used any polite excuse I could, because for so long, I just could not sus why I couldn't see myself spending the rest of my life with these people. Or at least a few years. There was no yearning, no desire, no great romantic fondness. It was just empty. And so, I'm aromantic.

Then I realized I was asexual. I'd never been lacking in the self-pleasure department for as long as my hormones had decided. In all the porn and fanfics and stories, I'd never imagined myself in those positions, but I assumed that was normal. Then came relationships. My firsts; first hand holding, first kiss, first makeout session, first time sharing a bed with someone. When I kissed people that were romantically or sexually interested in me, it always felt awkward. It felt like nothing, as mentioned before, there was never any click. I was aware the whole time, making sure I was doing what I was supposed to. It was out of body for me, and I forced myself to go through with it and be happy about it. Everyone has a first kiss, and everyone wants one. And there I was in high school, getting multiple offers! After all, I thought that feeling was typical, I thought that the lucidity and discomfort was how everyone felt, and the sparks would come later. Then, it was the times I was sharing a bed with my partner. We made out, and I felt no great pull. No desire. I acted out passion and need and fire because if I pantomimed the feelings, then surely I'd actually feel them, right? Likewise to kissing, though, looking back on it, it just felt like nothing. Like I was making myself do what I was supposed to. It felt like empty gestures to make them feel good because that's what a good partner does.

And then, as an adult, it all violently came to me. I'm aware of these things now, of myself and what is and isn't typical. So all of a sudden, I was met with that feeling of wrongness again. I was shown an image of what I was supposed to feel, and didn't feel it at all. Like looking at yourself in a mirror, and then you realize that's not a mirror and that's not you, and you're scared now. I realized how I had abused myself sexually over and over again trying desperately to feel what other people did because that's how everyone did it. There was no connection, no sparks, nothing that I felt. I felt nothing. I felt empty. I felt frustrated. I felt scared. I felt like a disappointment. In all my years, all my wisdom, I had not only unknowingly romantically strung people along, but also sexually, and it all culminated into hurting myself. All of a sudden, I was uncomfortable, and realizing something was wrong with me. I realized that I'd never be... normal. All of that in a matter of minutes. I cried.

And I know, okay, that there's nothing wrong with being aroace. I do, genuinely. I realized that I was aromantic when I was around 17 or 18, and it felt like everything finally clicked into place. I was sad then too, but it was still like this final puzzle piece. But realizing I was asexual just felt like this final nail in the coffin. Not only could I not feel romantic attraction to people, something within the human condition, but I also couldn't even have sex with them. I could not connect with people. The idea of keeping on trying to have sex, to put myself through this routine of accidental conversion therapy, repulsed me. And the lack of sexual feeling, the lack of pleasure, of sparks, of desire, of love, of lust, of feeling anything. The emptiness. Frightened me.

And through the violent realization of all the things I'd done to myself, I was alone.

I had no one to tell me it was okay.

So, I hate it.

I'm sorry, because I know that that's a terrible thing to feel about one's sexuality, but it's just true. I've tried so, so hard to accept myself. But my asexuality came to me so suddenly, so harshly, so violently, that I couldn't prepare, and I wasn't able to have anyone there with me through it. The Empty was scary. I was scared. I felt uncanny. I was just a mimicry of a human. Everyone around me dates, they lust and/or love, they want relationships and families and marriage and sex, and they'll get all of that and tax benefits. I feel so alone, and so, so empty. What if I could want that? Why don't I? Why can't I just go back to sucking it up and forcing myself in order to make others happy.

It's a sexuality because I can't choose. If I could, I'd choose differently.

[alex-the-otherkin]

Name: Fluxuates depending on what prounouns I'm currently using. Alexandra on more feminine days, Alexander on more masculine days, and Alex on more neutral days.

Nicknames: Anything works but I love space, nature, or special intrest themed nicknames. If your going to use gendered nicknames please ask my prounouns first.

Age: I don't fell safe saying my age on here, but I will say that I am over 16.

Special Intrests: Anything to do with the positive side of LGBTQIA+, Nature, witchy things, Psychology, Maximum Ride, Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children, what real life monsters would look like, stuffed animals.

Random Fact: I would really really love it for someone to nicknames me somthing along the lines if glitch or glitchy. Why you ask? Well, when thinking about my phantom limbs I realized that I felt that one of my eyes was red and the other bright blue. I don't know if the red cam from the vampire or demon kins and if the blue came from the werewolf or angel. It reminded me of a glitch colors, and since then I've just kinda wanted to use red and blue for all my oc's eyes.

How I learned I was a otherkin: Well. I had always felt odd, almost non-human my entire life. I often Imagined myself as diffrent animals, some from fantasy and some from real life. Most of everyone thought I was pretending and that I would grow out of it. I did not however grow out of it. To this day I still will feel wings on my back and am able to see them so clearly in my mind. Not only that but many more things alike. Apart from this I often feel intune to most animals, even making freinds with snakes and wasps. I have been a animal person since I was younger. I would be able to speak to the animals without any words. Some animals naturally flocked to me, well others took more time. However I was always ready to give all the love they deserve, no matter how long they needed. They also never scared me or harmed me like humans had. I was safe and at peace with animals. Eventually I started to wonder, Why don't I feel human? It was a tricky question. I often called people humans instead of people, as I didn't like being associated with Them. My parent didn't understand this but eventually let it go. I thought about it for a long time before I thought, maybe, just maybe I wasn't a human. I took to the internet when I stumbled across alterhumans, specifically otherkin. It instantly felt right. Like I finally found the last peice of a puzzle. Well, I'm still new to this I now understand myself A little bit better. (Sorry this was so long, this is actually a shortened version).

My Kin types: Angelkin, Demonkin, Vampirekin, and Werewolfkin.

Do I exsperience Phantom Limbs: Yes I do. I have phantom wings, phantom tail, phantom claws, phantom fangs, and phantom werewolf ears. Sometimes my wings will dissappear or feel smaller but the rest is almost always there!

Gender: Genderfluid

Prounouns: Switches between She/Her, She/ They, They/Them, He/They, He/Him, She/They/ He, She/Her, It/it's, and mirror prounouns.

Sexuality: omnisexual, Panromantic, Demirose, Polyamorous

Dating Status: Current not dating anyone

Asks: Everone is welcome to send asks as long as you don't go against my DNI or my boundaries. So feel free to send me anything ranging from a picture of your cat to a deep poem of your choice.

DM: Ummmm, this one is a bit tricky. It all really depends on the circumstances. Like your lonely and think I'd make a good freind? Absaloutly you can message me. You want to tell me something but are really scared to put it in a ask? Of course you can, as long as It doesn't go against my bounderies.

Touching: Only If we are really close. I am autistic and even the though of someone I'm not close with touching me makes my entire body cringe

Flirting: Absaloutly not. I am Demi-aroace (meaning I need a strong emotional connection to be romantically or sexually attracted to anyone) so I don't feel very comfortable with flirting. I am also under 18 soooo yeah, Absaloutly no flirting.

DNI: Basic DNI criteria (Homophobic, completely NSFW, Racist, cringe culture, ect). I don't have a super detailed DNI but I do block freely. The only thing I have to say is DNI if you are anti-otherkin.

Warnings: I have a tendency to cuss a lot, if your not comfortable with that than I recommend blocking the tag #TW cussing

[chasingvelocity]

tumblr might be about to do horrible things to the quality of this, i'm not sure, but the preview does not fill me with confidence. ANYWAY

these were made for the Elysium intro so technically this is out of chronological order of. everything. but also before i start posting comics i want to give a good visual on who these guys are! also hey these are all the guys that were relevant to the askblog (besides Shadow), nice

(oh my god i just realized i didn't actually put Sik in Elysium. i mean he's in the bit in the second half where it's flashing through everybody but i didn't put him in the actual intro with everybody else.. sorry buddy, Double's the more important custom hero i guess lmao)

Sonic the Hedgehog: you know her, you love her, she's transgender now! 19-ish as of Forces, aroace, personality and vibe same as always, nothing gets her down. the big plot twist with her is that she's an artificial life form like Shadow and was engineered with an aptitude for chaos energy, but she does her best to shrug off the implications.

Miles "Tails" Prower: sonic's adopted little brother, 17-ish as of Forces, transgender (this will be a theme), low self-confidence despite his intelligence and his ability to hold his own. a LOT of things happen to him, uh- Colors, Chronicles, and Lost World kinda got slammed together into one story arc, so he got halfway roboticized AND blasted with negative color until he was able to break out of the brainwashing. he hasn't found a way to undo the roboticization yet.

Amy Rose: i love amy so much but i don't know how to accurately capture her vibe. 18-ish as of Forces, she had a crush on sonic but has eased off on it and now they are comfortably friends (even if she can still be a bit much at times), she does tarot, i think the most that got changed is her design tbh

Knuckles the Echidna: straightforward-thinking treasure hunter, dealing with responsibility of guarding the master emerald vs him finally having an opportunity to explore the outside world, 20-ish as of Forces, got tormented a bit in the askblog

Shadow the Hedgehog: nonbinary alien hedgehog clusterfuck my beloved. they/them, actually somewhat chill underneath all the edge, technically Sonic is a knockoff of them, still has a pretty shaky sense of identity, at one point jorb helped me figure out what ShTH story path would be most canon for them but i don't want to find it rn

Daedalus "Double" Perrow: first of many OCs! maned wolf, 17-ish (?) as of Forces, more on him later because a lot of the comics so far involve him lmao. fills in 1/2 of the custom hero role in Forces (did the prison break, teams up directly with modern sonic, has past history with Infinite) and gets nicknamed "Gadget" by sonic. trans of gender

Wayne "Infinite" Bay: whoops i took an oc and accidentally spliced him into being infinite. double's friend, 19-ish as of Forces, got kidnapped and experimented on by eggman. the askblog plotline was building up to double trying to find and save him because they were friends before wayne got corrupted by the phantom ruby, but my energy fizzled out before that could get anywhere

i can't believe sik didn't get a cool image like everybody else. get wrecked lmao

[moon-meerkat]

was writing this as historical context for recent stuff but like it's too long so it's getting its own post. when i was 15 one of my best friends started having feelings for me so i basically started forcing myself to date her and our "we're girlfriends" joking around became very i don't know if this is a joke anymore. anyways by imagining cutesy scenarios and liking those i thought i'd succeeded. when we finally kissed (no tongue) i was like. this is the single grossest thing i have ever experienced and i hate it so bad. but i thought "i led her on and also i don't wanna turn her down so i guess this is my life now" (yes i was deranged) (nowadays i don't even think i led her on more than she did, esp bc i was fine before at the start of this whole thing she confessed to wanting to kiss me and as one of her two best friends i assumed she wouldn't say that if she didn't really mean it and want a serious relationship bc like it'd be dumb to say that if she didnt). anyway immediately after our kiss she said smth like "i dont think this is gonna work out" and i was just like thank fuck. i just got down (from the stairs, she was on the roof and i was scared of sitting there bc it was like a 13-story building) saying "well this is uncomfortable" (devastated our language doesn't have the word "awkward") and she was like noooo it doesn't have to be. so i gave her the birthday present i'd gotten her (late bc shipping), it was blue temporary hair dye, and as i was putting it in her hair she said that was the best day/one of the best days of her life (not the first time she'd said that, which is almost a "im a good friend" brag). she told me to keep some of it and took the rest to use later, i think we were both almost late.

as i was walking back to school (had a free afternoon then an evening extracurricular) i was like oh i'm definitely going to throw up. then i got to school and tried to but couldn't. looking back it was probably anxiety, this happened a couple times in the following years.

anyway i proceeded to not kiss anyone for 5 years almost to the day. this whole thing strengthened my belief that i was aroace. didn't stop me from forcing myself to get crushes though bc i was like that sounds so fucking lonely i don't want to be that. still the mood tbh (but my sexual awakening happened at almost 18 so like i'm still not sure and now have that factor) the period i accepted it most was the schoolyear when i was 16, and i didn't try crushing on anyone and for the first half i had a really amazing school year but then some unrelated trigegering stuff happened and i had a long depressive episode

oh btw after that day our friendship wasnt the same bc i felt awkward, i think we never agreed to meet up again. then i broke up our friendship over politics

[aroaceconfessions]

Long post (Warnings detailed description of possible dysphoria around breasts, talks of masturbation, purposeful inaccurate pronoun use, possibly toxic family/friend relationships, depression and anxiety, aphobia, NBphobia)

Okay let's start with the basics I'm aroace sex/ro averse) agender (she/they)(afab)(no female referrals except for sister) i experience queerplatonic attraction which is femme leaning and I am an adult.

Since the age of fourteen I've know I was ace. Shortly after coming to this realization I had come out to my friend of 6 years. 3 days later she outed me to her father who said "if your not useful(make babies) the why be alive" this would later extremely effect my depression still to this day and spark a lot of internalized aphobia. She proceeded to gaslight and deny this happened for two years.

At the age of 17 I discovered that I am aro. As I had been partially ghosting said friend (and an additional friend who is very conservative and sex negative) for a year I decided that I would clearly state my sexuality and tell her that I knew that her outing me actually happened and that I feared her father and could never forgive him. She told me to forgive him because he doesn't understand the gravity of what he said, but I think she didn't understand the seriousness of what I told her.

Through out this starting at the age of 15 I had been questioning my gender once a month constantlyand consistently. The month before I turned 18 I started to identify as agender. I had only come out too two individuals about this. my cousin and one of my uni professors (they use they/them pronouns). Three months later I decided I would put nonbinary as my gender for work and my pronouns. They say they have lost my papers though clearly having info (signed permission forms) that were only avaliable on said papers. I have reinforced my gender identity on a work survey which they will see.

Now I will go deeper into the individual labels of my identity. When I started puberty I would only experience my libido during my period. Since puberty has ended I can say with certainty I only experience it once a year. This is not a reason why I am asexual though has a significant impact on my asexualty and how I approach the world.

I am kiss repulsed may be some variation of loveless. I can't say I love my family even those who I genuinely care about and don't fear.

I have social/performance/general anxiety (the previously mentioned friend has severely negatively impacted all of these). I currently have no friends I can't say I'm particularly lonely and I think I could life without friends but I experience platonic and queerplatonic attraction very strongly though not frequently and I find my self constantly yearning for a friend group or qpp.

My dysphoria around my chest varies depending on my current mental health (good mental health= likes/neutral about breasts, bad mental health= extremely dysphoric can't wear fitting bras and need to wear baggy shirts). For femme referrals a lot of it is connecred to my sexuality and how the expectations of women are to reproduce, have a romantic partner, etc. I have no dysphoria around my genitals and I think it's because I don't view them as connected to gender and only for reproduction.

That is all hope this helps those who feel alone in any of these experiences. And I believe I have previously submitted a post about my asexuality.

-Reid

[aurorae-system]

self-imposed ask game question answering as a system exercise!

Answering ones we know we have an immediate answer to. I'll probably challenge myself to answer harder ones sometime soon :] ~

3. How do you figure out who you are in the moment?

Usually we do something or react to something in a way where we're like "Haha [alter] would totally do that" ... "wait a minute—". then we try to Feel Our Vibe to confirm it. sometimes we can, sometimes we can't.

7. What’s sexuality like for you? Does having multiple parts affect your relationships?

It's a fucking mess </3. We don't have nor have we actually ever had a romantic relationship, but it's certainly made crushes and pining extremely difficult to navigate.

Some of us love the idea of romance. Some of us are neutral about it. Some of us hate romance and think it's stupid/fake/etc. Then some of us like exclusively men. While some of us are bi. Some are aroace. Some are aro w/ sexual attraction. Some are ace w/ romantic attraction. Some have no idea and don't care.

And before we were aware of the system, this made romantic endeavors practically impossible. Oh I really like this guy... Ew no I don't?! Love is a lie, I'm never getting involved with romance. Love is what makes the world go round, I need a partner!!! Man, that girl is really attractive. Yeah I just can't see myself ever being attracted or being interested in women. It's never happened, soooo. And so on lmao.

12. Do any of your parts have special relationships with eachother? Would you like to share about some?

Yep! We have two littles who are twins, and then they also have a little sibling! So 3 of our littles are family. That's the only relationship/connection any of our alters have with one another that we are aware of.

13. Do you have parts that oppose eachother? (In views, personality, ect)

Oh god yes. Honestly that's what kinda got us to start questioning being a system. We'd share an opinion with friends, or make some type of comment on something. Then later (sometimes even that same day lmao) look back and go "Huh? Why did I say that... I don't think that. Like at all. Wtf...?" We could still remember doing it, but it was like... It didn't feel like "I" had said that. I had just chalked it up to BPD for awhile until I finally had more Realizations, lol.

14. Who’s the part that is most likely to deal with high-stress situations first?

Hmm... either Nine or Locke, probably. Though it depends what the stressor is/what happened. Because Night gets triggered to front usually whenever the stress is specifically someone doing something that violates our boundaries, values, self-respect, etc. Which does happen in this house often lmao.

While Nine is our primary protector and fronts in either more general stressful events or events where it wasn't super interpersonally sensitive. Though he almost always handles interpersonal arguments and assertive communication.

Locke is kinda... tbh don't really know what his deal is exactly. He seems to front when we really need to not be emotionally there At All. His emotions are very dull, but they're still there. He's just calm and regulated. It's extremely difficult to rile him up. This seems to happen in stressful situations where no action on our part is needed. We don't need to actively protect ourselves because we either won't need to at all or don't need to yet.

18. Are there any reoccurring themes or symbolism in your system? Would you like to share about it?

The only one I can think of is wearing earrings KDJNSJD. Like, almost every teen and up alter has earrings, even (or especially) the guys. Does kinda make sense personally. For some reason as a kid I just... really loved the idea of earrings and getting my ears pierced. But I never could.

25. Do you know what your parts look like? If so, how do you visualize them?

Most of them, yeah. Usually it starts out, upon discovery, getting flashing images in my head on a few main physical characteristics. Typically hair color, vague hairstyle, and a facial expression. Then I try to focus on that to get a clearer image and/or acquire more details on other parts of their appearance. Lastly, I go to picrew and just kinda trial and error the rest. Try and let them tell me what to pick or otherwise push me in the correct directions. Then if they eventually front, it may get refined by them.

27. Has anyone ever told you something you did or said without you knowing?

YEAH LOL. It hasn't happened too many times, but it's happened. Typically it's about sometime in the relative past, though.

I always thought I had a really good memory, and to my knowledge I did. I always shocked people with remembering minor things in surprising detail. And I never had any trouble with memorization when it came to assessments in school. I liked to refer to my memory growing up as "semi photographic". I could study a piece of paper, say a page from a study guide, for a few minutes and I'd have it memorized. I could visualize it in my head and read it from that visualization with very high accuracy. I could remember and recall things I heard, or parts of them, almost exactly word-for-word. But it didn't seem to be 100% on par with how photographic memory was usually described.

So when someone referenced something I supposedly did, like, 6 months–a year ago, and I can't remember ANYTHING about what they're talking about, it was very unnerving. Something that many others also very clearly remember me doing. Sometimes I would think they're messing with me if it was just one person. Like yeah right. If I have no memory whatsoever of doing that, I obviously didn't actually do it. I of all people would surely remember.

29. How many known parts do you have, if you can count?

As of 1/1/23, I am aware of 18 alters, not including me.

Because uh... I honest to god do not know if whoever I am is the host, or if maybe "I'm" just the persona we've masked as for like almost a decade now. Like a bow on a present, if that makes any sense. Am I [Host]? Or am I an already known (or unknown) alter masking and just using the name we've gone by for 8+ years now?? No idea!!