#I was aggressive at times (still am) in elementary

[brainfilehasstoppedworking]

Idk if that's just kids being kids (even though I've never seen shit like this with other people) but like. Two girls tried to kiss me in elementary school. One girl tried to in lunch once. And another girl I think successfully kissed my cheek before I pushed her. She pushed me first onto these stupid things that were connected to the window (they hurt like a bitch btw), but I pushed her harder onto a wall. (Kid me did pack a push and a punch I'll tell y'all that.)

But yeah...two girls tried kissing me. And I'm still like "How the fuck–?"

I don't have any charm whatsoever (I really don't know how I even got a girlfriend.) Especially in elementary school where my only charm was being annoying and punching friends on the shoulder and crying.

Kids will be kids, I guess...?

[smiley-positivity-potato]

before i transitioned i remember people would say sometimes i behaved like a boy. i could tell they meant to say it in a way that they thought would discourage my boyish behavior; while encouraging my "improvement" with my journey into womanhood- but it had the opposite effect.

i remember the days i didn't get to choose the clothes i wanted to wear as a girl because of a "man's glance"; yet i couldn't tell them about my own want to cover myself so NO ONE could glance at me. no one but MYSELF. for the only boy's glance i really understood was my own.

i remember the jealousy and envy i would feel for the boys in my class after the janitor would bring them back during Math. They had just helped as volunteers to carry some boxes to the dumpster. and i had raised my hand; but i wasn't allowed to help. because even though the janitor enjoyed me as a model student, i was still just a "girl". and even with us all being the same size, we weren't labelled the same. even in elementary.

i remember trying to hang out with the boys in my highschool after realizing most of the girls didn't like me in elementary. i stood out and didn't want to be in a clique back then, so i decided to try something different. i didn't want to do makeup, dances or play much with dolls as a child. i just wasn't interested. and even in my teens, i still didn't enjoy it all very much. i didn't like most boys and girls back then. i just was going through so much. and being autistic made it harder to understand how to fit in with everyone when i didn't feel like them. so i didn't truly have friends of all genders until middle school and high school.

but even as i hung out with the boys, i still was seen as a "girl". i was small, with a high voice and a lot of energy. i had an undercut, baggy clothes and a lazy way of dressing but the days i would wear a tight shirt everyone would become different. and i didn't know until it was over. i was petite and very short. my tiny stature made people think i was just a delicate girl but luckily i had a loud and aggressive personality. but i later learned, boys AND girls started to like me because i seemed like an "aggressive girl".

i realized in my adulthood, when i look back, that i still stood out, no matter what I did. and i realize the boys i hung out with held back conversations most boys usually had. because i was still different; even though i liked girls, and didn't dress like them, unless forced. i didn't dress like a girl unless i had to for my parents and for safety. and even though i was experimenting with my gender at the time, people just thought of me as a "girl" no matter what. and i couldn't hide it.

i realize the girls accepted me once i started looking attractive and stylish to them- due to my mother's attempts at making me look like a "girl" and my own individuality. it was rare i actually found true friends. except for two people in my life from school, no one lasted. and it was confusing to try to learn how to be a "girl" when I was not. i was a non-binary transmasc man. i am a trans man.

and all my life, my family and people around me viewed me as a "girl" and tried to take the "boy" outta me. but they failed. and they always will. but back then, their glances would make me so anxious that i would eventually just stare down at my feet in public. the forced feminization that i had to endure, was suffocating. and i wondered to myself would i ever be happy. but finally, FINALLY, one day i was able to say i am a man and i started living my life. and i can see that them forcing their version of womanhood on me just guided me to my true path. they didn't discourage me from being a man.

they just helped me realize, i was MY biggest hero and that i needed to encourage MYSELF TO BE STRONG. for i made it through years and years of discouragement, transphobia and misogyny alone. and if i can prove them WRONG, i as a man, can be happy with that alone.

[cheesycatz]

The Apple's Worm

(Spamton AU reference sheet) 1 2

Text ver and close ups below

- The last living member of the BIGSHOT computer worm species, this version of Spamton hides within the depths of Cyber City and its Trash Zone, skittish yet aggressive. He spitefully waits for the opportunity to restore his parasitoid species to its formal glory.

- He primarily walks on all twelves. He moves in short bursts, and can stay perfectly still. His body is rarely completely straight.

- He's 16 ft (~490 cm) long from nose to tail

- Spamton acts animalistic and unpredictable, as he grew up alone from both regular darkners and his own species. He feels uncomfortable about his own natural instincts.

- He bristles his fur and makes a rattlesnake-like hiss as a threat, and will attack if provoked.

- Spamton enjoys and feels much safer on ceilings, on walls, and in darkness.

- Despite living in the Trash Zone, Spamton still keeps himself clean, rubbing his legs together and rubbing his nose like a fly.

- As an invertebrate with no bones, Spamton's body is incredibly flexible.

- Still not beating the cat allegations

- Spamton is an opportunistic hunter who enjoys Cyber City's abundance of maice. He uses his extendable proboscis to impale prey and drink their souls.

-----

Wormton's design hasn't changed that much, as I mostly added onto existing lore with very few retcons. Though, I think I lean more into the insectoid elements nowadays. The longer segmented nose, compound eyes, and thinner limbs he has now definitely make him less like to be mistaken for a weird sergal. He's meant to look alien, but in a "weird animal from some far branching ancient linage that somehow survived several mass extinction events and has no other close relatives" way rather than an extraterrestrial way. His biology occasionally mimics the mammalian ideas we're used to, but they're always off. He has fur, but it's part of an exoskeleton. He has lungs, but they're 24 or so tiny pockets rather than two. He has eyelids, but they're actually nictitating membranes. He has a heart, but it's a set of five arches with no pulse. He has teeth, but they're detached parts of his mandibles that can move freely. And, uh, so on. God I love fictional biology

Despite being the size of an adult crocodile, Wormton acts more like a tiny spider. His twitchy movements and short bursts of movement are based on how bugs move, but they also fit the "Spamton" side of him. His behaviors are inspired by a variety of animals, but I'd say that spiders, wasps, and cats are the main ones. Additionally, a lot of his behaviors are based on the invasive species aspect of his design. These things are not at the top of the food chain. Their average life expectancy barely crosses 6 months. They'd rather hide than fight. Yet, they somehow become the most dangerous thing alive the moment they're brought to the surface web, spreading faster than lice in an elementary school. But, no matter how much of an advantage they have, they still hide and don't trust anything but themselves. God I love fictional ecology

Overall, I could talk for way too long about Wormton and malworms (his species). The only thing holding me back from massive info dumps is the fact that I want to actually finish the Wormton fic in a reasonable amount of time, whatever that ends up being. I fear I am quickly passing my estimated final length of 150k words and I might have 30% or more still left to write

[anpanham]

Hazbin Hotel character thoughts / impressions (Episodes 1 & 2)

1/12/24

UM. what a weird first actual post for my blog for this year... this is long, and i miss making ACTUAL blog posts instead of small threads... And i've explained on my twitter my thoughts on Hazbin / Helluva from a critical standpoint and artist from art separation, yadda yadda yadda---

ANYWAY... Episodes 1 and 2 of Hazbin are (Officially) out now, and i have some thoughts on the characters i wrote down after watching (In bullet points, because most of these are fresh-from-the-brain thoughts i wrote on my tablet from my bed)

(Spoiler alert, Sir Pentious isn't ruined and I AM SO GLAD. my snake babygirl... ilu)

Read on, if you wanna, spoiler warning btw!!!!!

CHARLIE NOTES

-Charlie is good., Charlie is cute, but i fear for her safety, not everyone can new redeemed. she's like steven universe at points i stg 😭 (not a jab but i think it's funny)

-i like how they gave Charlie bags under her eyes a lot, she is a tired princess just like all of us

-She gives off elementary school teacher vibes but in a wholesome way

-Charlie's hair is SO CUTE MESSY..

-PERFECT voice /gen

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- VAGGIE NOTES

-GIRLBOSS (still, but more)

-Vaggie is still cool, she just loves her gf and is sick of everyone's bs but is still supportive...

-If she doesn't get into a bloody death match with Alastor (and win) i will be disappointed /hj

She doesn't seem to have as much of a temper as she did in the pilot, but seems more dead inside

-Good voice!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ANGEL DUST NOTES

-Angel... hm. Angel. he's Angel, for sure. Hi, Angel!

Insecure about a lot, but also YOU CAN BE THE CHANGE YOU WANT!!!!! if vox doesn't kill val angel should. please and thank u.

Also his voice is alright, just need to get used to it a little more

Also i hope he's not too bratty jealous of sirpent / whoever else charlie praises because again, it's ON HIM TO COOPERATE WITH HER CAUSE MORE??? ignoring his other stress sources (Val)

-Waiting for him and Husk to kiss. I know it's coming

-Just fucking block Val's number and rip up the contract (YES i know it goes deeper than that...)

-NUGGS. I SCREECHED IRL /POS

THEY GAVE HIM A HEART ON HIS BUTT!!!!! S TIER REDESIGN

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

ALASTOR NOTES

-At first i was kinda Eh about his voice but it's grown on me, the radio filter is a little more subtle than the pilot but it's still there which i'm glad for

Delightfully passive aggressive

-Weird magic still, there doesn't seem to be any limits to it... we need to know what his weakness is...!!!!! please (maybe that will come later??) ....... i theorize he has underworld contact (Shadow-world, because of the shadow imagery?) , the underworld might be different from Hell maybe? (Where do those fucking tentacles come from, also weird monochrome demons)

-Interesting he was gone for 7 years. 7 is an angelic number. HMMMMMM (sealed away by angels somehow??)

-Punchable (Vaggie please)

-Weirdly enjoyable and not genuinely hateable like some of the other characters, but i also want to see his demise, maybe his sadism is rubbing off on me, but i want to see it badly...

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

SIR PENTIOUS NOTES

-Sir Pentious... u are so good.. probably has some of the best writing so far, maybe... he's my favorite so. hhHHmm

his voice is different but at the same time it's what you'd expect, i like it a lot... so silly, i pat him and his silly hat

-Pathetic old man. You win my heart (50x as much)

-Only one egg spoke so far, i wonder if they'll all have unique voices this time (the Japanese dub of the pilot did that lol)

-Genuinely a joy every moment he was onscreen (Too fucking cute... GRRRR)

-How did he get into contact with Vox? Why would Vox want anything to do with him if he thinks he's a loser? (I guess easy access into the Hotel) ...Fuck em either way (DON'T BE MEAN TO SNAKE MAN)

-Cool temporary stunning hypnosis, maybe we'll see him coil and bite next, the snake attack traits are fun

-His autism vibes grow stronger and it's canon in my heart

-We LOVE a redemption song. please stay in the hotel with everyone, don't fuck it up!!! you're a good noodle.... 😭 The song was genuinely so cute... it's probably going to be the highlight of EVERYTHING for me, besides Nuggs..

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

HUSK NOTES

-i luv u kitty

-His voice is different but captures "Grumpy old alcoholic" perfectly

-His heart needs to be melted...

-Him holding the script in front of the camera was great

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- NIFFTY NOTES

-Niffty is a BIG COWARD. you can still love a "Bad boy" who's a redeemed bad boy!!!! just because he's not morally bad doesn't Not make him a Bad Boy. fuck u (i still like you)

-Her voice is really cute, also her nightgown.. though finding out she doesn't have dark bug limbs but is just wearing gloves and stockings surprised me more than it should've... put them back

-Also autism vibes, love it

-She still frightens me a bit

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

V TRIO NOTES

VOX -----

-Seems to carry the team, voice has grown on me

-I can't stop looking at his weird finger claws, they almost look like

he's just wearing things over his fingers, i dig it

-Interesting hypnosis power, i assume Alastor is immune

-Why can't Alastor and Vox just compromise and create a podcast?

-Hates Val (sorry shippers) ,,... kind of expected it since in old official sources it's been shown that he's been abused by Val too

-This isn't a note but everytime Alastor said "THE TV IS BUFFERING~" in their duet, the player kept fucking up 😭

-Decent song, I like seeing him and Al argue

-I surprisingly don't hate him! i'm glad. i wanted to like him (though, it's only been 2 episodes so far...)

------

VALENTINO ---------

-More manchild vibes than i expected tbh

-Voice is alright but his accent is weirdly inconsistent for some reason???? interesting direction

-His manipulation is shown well in the voicemail scene with Angel, he's literally got the "Nice Guy" energy

-Surprisingly didn't order Vox around as much as i thought he would

-Why does he have girl Fizzy bots...

-Die?

------

VELVETTE

-Fashion design isn't something i expected, but then again i didn't know that much about her prior other than she's obsessed with social media

-British is also not what i expected but cool

-Uh. she didn't really stick out to me that much...sorry..... she's fine tho

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ ADAM & LUTE NOTES

-Personally do not like how these angels look so menacing, i get that they're technically bad, but... make them look more angelic besides halos and wings??? they could easily be mistaken for hell residents. Also again, i feel like angels should swear less and drop swears in critical / good timed moments, it would be funnier... subtlety is not a thing i guess

-Adam's guitar solo was good tho, not really feeling his character tho, he's just an asshole but that's the point

-Adam looks like the fucking dress meme. I can't unsee it

-Lute is pretty...

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KATIE KILLJOY & TOM TRENCH NOTES

-Brandon Rodgers

-They sure were there for a second!

-i luv tom

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

All in all...

Episode 1: 6-7/10

Episode 2: 8.5/10

[musicfeedsmysoul12]

n addition to not being that much more impressive than many in 1A, I never understood why “Explosion” was thought to be “perfect for heroics” in the first place. First of all, it’s a destructive quirk, and despite the prevalence of fire-quirked heroes, I’d expect the first reaction of most adults to a destructive quirk is to think “future-villain” - especially when wielded by a kid with no respect for property damage. Secondly, a lot of what makes it “good for heroics” is down to Bk’s intensive training - using it fly, etc - not things that would have been immediately obvious in elementary school.

Separately, I agree with what a few others have said that what makes Bk’s quirk seem so strong is his intensive training of it and his endless aggression. (Honestly, half of the kids should have found it psychologically hard to to actually attack someone with their quirk in their first class.) When other kids are actually worried about maiming someone, they’re not going to be using the constant 150% aggression like Bk.

Explosion is a 1 trick pony quirk at the end of the day. Or at least it should be but Hori gives Katsuki insane plot armor. Seriously, his stun grenade, ability to attack from a range, and his smokescreen clearing strike are BS.

This is why I always say there are two school of thoughts on Explosion Quirks: villain or hero.

For me, I think people praising him really focused on the combat aspect of his Quirk because heroism had become about fighting rather then saving people. I think a bright kid, with rich parents because they're a model and fashion designer the guy has money, Bakugou was placated by others even more. His willingness to train and work with his Quirk led to him being praised more.

Its a headcanon kids like Bakugou get specialized training for his Quirk because of how dangerous it can be. I imagine the trainer was shocked by how dedicated Bakugou was and praised him. It got around and everyone knew this kid was strong, wanted to be a hero, and had a combative Quirk.

So that can be why its him being praised so much, by a bunch of people focusing on combat not anything else.

Not sure about ‘kids finding it hard to attack others’ cause kids are nasty. I remember being like six and punching another kid in the face. Plus I had a brother two years older then me, and a cousin a week younger.

The three of us were nightmares and I ain't gonna lie if I was Bakugou I’d be using it on them one time. Of course I'd be horrified by them being hurt and would have been grounded so hard.

Little kids dont really have the ability to know right from wrong and empathy is very low but Bakugou… I've pointed out how malicious the Deku name is (and I will yell it still it occurred before Izuku was diagnosis and it was never a kind nickname) for a freaking toddler and while yeah Hori did it, whole thing is still disturbing.

His attacks are a bit BS and I think Hori was having to come up with a reason he's around because he is just that guy with an explosion Quirk. Mind I personally think Hori didn't like Bakugou but when he got super popular had to keep him around.

Everyone knows my thoughts on how Bakugou's arch should have gone. He's honestly such a boring character now to me, because I had that upswing of anger at him and now it's 'and here is Bakugou with a loud Quirk who somehow despite the logical assumptions is the best above everyone'. He's so boring.

The more I really think about it, the more I wanna really have Bakugou just be there. Have Izuku move past him without realizing it, and have Todoroki take the place as rival. I am not going to lie: the idea of Todoroki staying a rival for longer then canon (and actually presenting himself as a rival early on) is attractive as hell. He's RIGHT THERE. The son of the number two hero raised to surpass All Might constantly fighting against the protoge of All Might! The drama, the action.

I'd honestly only have the reveal of Todoroki's past be when the summer camp happens, and that's when Todoroki turns from rival to friend. Not the weird ass thing Hori did with Bakugou.

But yeah, you're not wrong.

[voidedaurora]

I've been keeping my actual posts about this minimal for the time being because of some things behind the scenes but I've just been sent this mess of an announcement she's made in her discord and I thought I'd say something about it

(yes mel, I AM going to break this down considering you have a tendency to lie and skew things and say weird shit that gets looked over otherwise)

SS #1

First of all. What are you trying to do here, Garner pity? trying to get SYMPATHY and leniency for actions YOU made, things YOU did. Trying to garner sympathy as if you're the one that's been victimized in this whole thing, as much as you'd like to see yourself as a victim you are not!

Being called out for terrible things YOU'VE done does not make you a victim and does not give you any passes for anything.

Its understandable to be stressed, but you're putting this on yourself by trying to disprove things that simply cannot be because these are things that've actually happened, not random BS to take you down.

The easiest and best thing you could've and still can do in this situation is admit your wrongs and get off the internet to live in REAL life for a little and maybe seek some help for your mental so you cant hurt anyone else.

-

SS #2

Now this is just a bit odd? I know for a fact you do not have any "hidden answers everyone's looking for" bc most things of note have been presented (at least from me personally) and have already PROVEN these things did indeed happen?

(excluding the few things that were in vc unrecorded)

Things will never go back to normal, you cant even pin this on being a "stupid kid" anymore because this is behavior that has spanned across YEARS and YEARS now with no change, whenever people have tried to help you, push you in the right direction, directly explained something you're doing is wrong, etc. You've been mean and unwilling to hear anyone out and would rather live your life a hateful individual that gets to do whatever she wants without consequences or any real responsibility and attempt to improve yourself.

-

SS #3

From the time I knew you you did not bother to let people tell you when you were wrong and would get EXTREMELY aggressive and defensive when anyone would, you never took the time to understand when you did something wrong (outside of 1 or two instances) and would just do the same things again and again regardless of whether it was wrong or right just because you can, so ofc you wouldn't understand its wrong. you didn't care

As a minor myself (17, going on 18) I know where my boundaries are when speaking to people younger and know when and where not to cross that line BEFORE being an adult, so what's your excuse?

People don't expect you to "know everything" just the bare minimum of not being a fucking weirdo to minors, not sexually using people, and to have a little common sense.

It does not matter whether your old friend groups (WITH PEOPLE A YEAR BEHIND OR AHEAD OF YOU IN AGE) had sexual jokes normalized or not, you wouldn't go into a elementary school and start making sex jokes in front of minors irl right, because those are children, or would your humor that overrides normal common sense force you to make those jokes anyway? Seriously.

And spoiler (from what I've been told and shown by khai)

She still to this day makes sex jokes and remarks around and to her friends despite in private acknowledging she should stop acting like this. Its honestly disgusting she can allegedly have acknowledged to Khai that what she was doing is wrong, only to continue making jokes and doing things she shouldn't around her.

-

SS #4

This is Equally as weird as the rest of her response previously, I see where her intentions are but the way she's worded and executed it leaves such a bad taste in my mouth considering the nature of what she's been called out for (Being sexual around/to minors, Sexual abuse, etc)

Making the server 18+ would've been a great show of growth and intent to correct things from you if you hadn't gone "There'd still be some people underage within the server" , It's genuinely the weirdest way you could go about doing this, if you're making ANYTHING 18+ you cannot be allowing the people that are >18 to stay in, that completely defeats the purpose of upping the servers age considering 80% of the fans that'd even be joining your server and interacting are ALREADY going to be in there and verified.

This is basically like going "I'll make it 18+ but my fav minors can stay in!". If you were making your server 17+ and wanted to keep a couple 16 yr olds that are turning 17 soon in (and there was no nsfw in the server) that'd be okay! but when you're making anything 18+ that implies there's enough mature content in there to warrent it being 18+ and wouldn't be ok to keep minors in for that reason.

-

SS #5

No comment honestly, you did this to yourself and could've saved yourself and many others time and energy by admitting your wrongdoings, getting off the internet, and getting help instead of making up shit and trying to save face now that you've finally been seriously called out.

Must suck finally getting repercussions for your actions after years of being too "untouchable" for anyone to say something.

I've made my thoughts quite clear here, Do not go harass Quartelz or any of her friends. You may voice your opinions but please do so with humanity and maturity.

As much as you'd like me to "burn out" Mel, You're not gonna get what you want and I will keep fighting for people to see the real person you are and for you to get the consequences you've been owed for years now.

If you want to try and talk to me about everything that is still an option but It will not make me magically forgive or take back anything I've said or will say.

(unless there was a genuine misunderstanding with some part, but I highly doubt this since I've tried to keep everything I say as PROVABLE as possible)

[assignedmale]

I've dealt with haters come to my talks or try to get them canceled before, but until yesterday, they were never violent or aggressive. What we saw yesterday was truly disturbing. Someone came to my talk and kept interrupting me to angrily ask questions about the content of my comics ("what age is this aimed for", "do you talk about hormone therapy", etc). She was recording the whole thing. I answered as nicely as I could, and tried to crack some jokes, but that only made her more aggressive.

When she asked "if we were ok with elementary schools inviting drag queens to teach kids about gender ideology", it became apparent that her intentions weren't peaceful, and was kindly shown the door (good thing she didn't know that I gave talks in 6 different elementary schools since last week). She was kicking and yelling that my work was "brainwashing kids into mutilating their genitalia". She tried to get back inside, but thankfully, the community managed to keep her out. 

Of course, it's nothing that I haven't heard before on the internet. But that these people are now willing to crash my author talks and cause this kind of scuffles is a new low. The participants were shaken. Tears were shed. The owners of the small bookstore where this happened now fear retaliation. It's a brutal reminder of the current state of trans people's situation in our society.

I wish to channel the emotions that I've been feeling since yesterday as a motivator to keep doing the work that I do. The past few months spent on tour have been exhausting, but so necessary. The violence of the people who want to eradicate us from society cannot be taken lightly. 

I still have a few days left on my Canadian tour - tonight in Ottawa, tomorrow in Halifax, then Fredericton, Edmundston and Montreal - before embarking on my Eastern/Midwest American tour in January. I am looking forward to meet you all and change the world one silly comic at the time. 

Stay awesome,

Sophie

Get this girl a coffee : www.ko-fi.com/sophielabelle

Support her work : www.patreon.com/assignedmale

[cyberclouddream]

Story of Scorpio, Mars, Lilith, Chiron, and Pluto in 3H

One my biggest challenges in life is communication, according to my astrology placements. According to sidereal astrology, I have:

3H Scorpio, Mars, BM Lilith, Pluto, Chiron, and Juno

12H Leo, Sun, and Mercury

8H Aries, Jupiter Rx, and Saturn Rx

1H Virgo and Moon

Ahh, where do I start? ☺️

[ note: i observed this before i began learning astrology a few years ago as well ]

My placements show that i:

- approach conversation in a probing, investigative way with raw intensity, aiming to be transformative

- tend to be fiercely competitive in discussions and debates, questing for authenticity and to challenge societal norms

- communicate in a way that reveals deep-seated wounds and vulnerabilities, yet is also carefully considerate of how my words affect others (trying to balance analytical mind with emotional depth)

- am not afraid to dive into taboo or deep subjects

- have a flair for dramatic storytelling (AHAHAAhaaa…)

- am influenced by a need to understand and communicate the deeper and often hidden aspects of life

Most of the time I prefer solitude, so I can get myself together internally. I definitely don’t mind socializing but I get drained easily, especially depending on the vulnerability level I feel comfortable with.

I was diagnosed with speech impediment when I was a child and had to take speech classes in elementary school, as a lovely note. I still deal with, whether it’s speaking too fast or mixing up words in speech or writing [ which I just did, but I catch myself. I wrote “steal” instead of “still” ].

But when it comes to confrontation, I go hard or go home. I do not care for superficial BS, rose-colored glasses, or being politically correct. Man, I seek truth, not comfort, even when I get mofo scared.

Well, not gonna lie, many times I don’t say exactly how I feel because of the tendencies for tone to be focused on more than words. I have Venus and Rahu in Cancer in the 11th house so I often feel a sucker to social conformity, but I’ve been learnin.

I truly think that no matter how considerate I try to be with my words [ as in verbally stating I comprehend reasons why someone could come to a conclusion about my behavior along with asking further questions to understand ] I just come off too mofo intimidating and it’s frustrating as FOCK.

This post was triggered by a conversation I just had, which turned into an aggressive tone on the other person’s end because I shared my opinion and I told that I respect their choice to disagree but I stand firmly on my perspective…which I told them they didn’t have to agree with either. And they blocked me.

And I also had an disagreement with an previous friend and I want to reconnect or at least seek closure, but it didn’t turn out well because they felt like I was deflecting even tho I just had repeatedly stated my disagreement, along with admitting my slights. I asked them to explain why and how they felt like I was deflecting, and that they wouldn’t take accountability in the situation…and they got very upset, so we officially ended things.

I am well aware that I’m not always right. I just persist unless I have to emotionally or intellectually relent, cuz I’m actually wrong or I don’t have the balls or understanding to confront the truth.

Kinda Unrelated to Main Topic:

Most advice tells me to be more considerate but sweetie, most of my life I’ve dogged myself for not meeting the expectations of others, even though many times I still don’t care enough to put the effort into doing so. When I say dogged, I mean depressed and anxious asf most of my life, lamenting in my bed as I complain internally [ victimizing prick 😂 ] while the ego I mask [ all fire placements, especially Sun & Leo, in the water and private houses ] are boiling in my digestive system [ Virgo Rising and Aquarius 6H, which rules the mind and nervous system and MY ANXIOUS FOCKIN ASS ].

I see advice to challenge this intensity into physical activity, creative outlets, journaling, and learning occult practices [ like astrology 😁 ], which is good.

The thing is, this stuff affects my professional and social life. Not badly, cuz I am very considerate and mindful, but when I get too frustrated because I feel misunderstood or treated unfairly, it doesn’t go well power struggle wise. According to career related placements, I’m suited for behind-the-scenes tasks [ Gemini 10H with ruler in 12H ] along with channeling emotions and transformational energy into creative outlets [ I’m an artist and I love to write and read ].

My 10H ruler is in detriment in the 4H and 7H, which means I can struggle with balancing career and domestic dynamics, or communicating effectively within my family. Also indicates lack of support or understanding from family regarding career. And 7H can indicate issues with professional partnerships or collaborations. I’m gradually learning how to integrate all the different factors, because I know aspects and delineations play a big role in emphasis of energies, which I’m just now getting into. Since Mercury is exalted in my 1H, my career success and public reputation are boosted when I have a healthy relationship with my self-identity.

[andiwriteordie]

andi !! for my valentine’s day gift this year i am humbly requesting will helping teacher! mike decorate his classroom for valentine’s day <3 (+ bonus points if this is pre-relationship and they spend the whole time flirting before one of them works up the nerve to ask the other if they have any plans,,, slides this slowly across the table)

suni suni suni teacher!mike is so personal to me so thank you SO much for this. also will being flirty and mike getting flustered is also everything to me, so have some of that too.

—

3: abc, 123 (baby, you and me).

Mike Wheeler’s a pretty damn good teacher.

Alright, look. Here’s the thing: Mike knows he’s a damn good teacher. There’s a reason why he’s one of Principal Tennyson’s favorite teachers, despite the fact that he’s only been at Hawkins Elementary for about four years now. Being a kindergarten teacher is not for the faint of heart, especially when Mike teaches in a school district full of rich, snooty parents who think their kids deserve special treatment on a constant basis. 

But hey, somehow, Mike has managed to get through the last few years with very minimal complaints from said rich, snooty parents, and even better, he’s also managed to make genuine connections with his kids.

So, yeah. Mike’s a damn good teacher, and he’s not afraid to remind his boss of that when it comes time for his annual comp review.

But there is one thing that Mike absolutely sucks at in the realm of teaching.

Decorating his fucking classroom.

Ugh. Okay, so when you’re in college and preparing to be an elementary school teacher, they literally teach you how to make the cute bulletin boards and decorations and stuff, right? Yeah, well, Mike hated every single one of those presentations. Absolutely hated them. His worst grades in college were the stupid bulletin boards he had to make. 

The content was fine. The aesthetic? Yeah, not so much.

And unfortunately, some things never change, and even though Mike has been a teacher for the last four years of his life, he still can’t for the life of him figure out how to create an aesthetically pleasing classroom by himself for the life of him. For the longest time, his best friend, Max, would come over and help him kind of make the classroom look pretty. Max is no artist either though, even if she’s a little better at making things look nice than Mike is.

But then, this past December, Max just had to accept a new job and move across the country to be closer to the guy she’s been dating for a year or so now. Ugh. Traitor.

So, that’s exactly how Mike finds himself here, on fucking February 1st, at approximately 8 PM at night, desperately trying to redecorate his classroom for Valentine’s Day. 

In Mike’s defense, Valentine’s Day isn’t for another two weeks, thank you very much. But all the other teachers in the school have already decorated for Valentine’s Day, and if Mike gets one more stupid, passive aggressive comment from stupid fucking Brenda or her evil twin, Tammy, he’s gonna end up losing his job.

Ugh.

“Are you kidding me?” Mike groans, and he falls backwards onto the floor, letting the stupid pink construction paper heart fall onto his head. It’s rather ironic that he’s a kindergarten teacher and responsible for teaching twenty-five kids how to color inside the lines and cut paper properly and other stuff like that, since Mike didn’t even go to kindergarten and can’t cut in a straight line for shit.

The woes of being an “academically gifted” child.

Mike sighs heavily, and he closes his eyes, lying on the floor and questioning every single moment in his life that led him to this moment. Maybe he’s being overdramatic, but Mike doesn’t really care. Right now, he’s hungry, tired, and ready to go home. 

Teaching shouldn’t be this hard. Seriously. How is it that Mike can deal with little Riley Jones throwing up all over his brand new pair of shoes or Kimmy Harris screaming at the top of her lungs and picking a fight for the first month of this year, but somehow Mike can’t decorate his stupid fucking classroom? Why on God’s green earth is so bad at making things look nice—

“Mike?”

Mike flinches sharply, and he startles, sitting up quickly at sudden intrusion. Much to his surprise, Will Byers, of all people, is standing in his doorway, an amused (and admittedly adorable) smile on his face.

…

Okay, so look.

Here’s the thing.

Will Byers… is the new art teacher at Hawkins Elementary. Their old art teacher, Sandy, had retired at the end of the year, and though Will had been hired pretty early on into the school year, he’s only just started working at the school. 

And um… well… you see… Will is really, really good-looking.

Like really good-looking.

Quite possibly the most gorgeous and also the kindest person Mike has ever met in his life. 

For starters, Will has the prettiest eyes—a warm shade of hazel that looks green in certain lighting, Mike has noticed. His smile is pretty too—soft and sweet and perfect for his personality. He’s got fluffy, brown hair, and maybe Mike shouldn’t think this about his coworker for God’s sake, but he thinks he’d really like to run his hands through Will’s hair and pull him close and kiss him stupid and—

Ahem.

Um, yeah. So, that’s… that’s Will Byers. He’s great, and Mike has been meaning to get to know him more—not even necessarily in a romantic way. The two of them are some of the only male teachers at Hawkins Elementary, and they’re among the youngest here at this school. It makes sense that they’d become friends. 

Life’s just been absolutely crazy these past few weeks, so Mike unfortunately hasn’t gotten around to that.

“Will!” Mike exclaims, and he winces at the way his voice comes out as a little, panicked squeak. Warmth rises to Mike’s cheeks, and he offers a sheepish smile to his coworker. “Hey, um… what’re you still doing here?”

The smile on Will’s face grows, and he shrugs. “I could ask you the same thing,” he points out; then, his eyes flicker to the construction paper surrounding Mike. “I’m guessing you’re decorating your classroom though?”

“Ugh.” Mike scrunches his nose, picking up a few of the sad little paper hearts and letting them fall dramatically back onto the ground. “I’m trying to, at least. It’s going great, if you can’t tell.” 

A soft laugh escapes Will’s lips, and oh God, Mike’s heart does a little somersault. Will walks into Mike’s classroom, sitting down across from Mike, and he offers a smile. “Not a fan of arts and crafts, huh?” he guesses.

“Not all of us can be artists, Byers,” Mike replies easily, and a crooked grin forms on Will’s face. “I like every other part of teaching, but decorating my classroom? It makes me wonder why I didn’t just stick with being a Business major like my dad wanted.”

Again, Will just laughs, reaching for some of the construction paper on the ground. “I don’t know you very well yet,” he admits, “but you definitely don’t seem like the kind of person who’d enjoy working in business.”

A couple things stand out about Will’s response:

He says business the way that Mike’s kindergarteners say things like… homework or broccoli or other things that they hate, and Mike can’t help but grin. He’s liking Will more and more with each second that passes.

… Yet.

Will definitely said “yet,” and okay, Mike probably shouldn’t read too much into this, but also, he can’t help himself. His heart may or may not be pounding inside his chest, and his cheeks may or may not be burning up right now, and he may or may not be trying to stop smiling like a total idiot.

“I would’ve hated business,” Mike agrees, and he leans against his desk, scrunching his nose again at the mess of decorations sitting on the floor. “But at least businessmen don’t stay late at their jobs trying to decorate their offices for a stupid Hallmark holiday.”

“No, they just stay late at their jobs to crunch numbers and avoid their wives and children,” Will deadpans, and Mike just snorts. 

“Way to describe my dad in a nutshell,” Mike deadpans in return.

That playful grin returns to Will’s face, and he looks pleased at his ability to make Mike laugh. “Are you really planning on staying here until you have your entire classroom finished?” Will asks incredulously.

Mike winces, looking around at his classroom—which, admittedly… is about 10% decorated for Valentine’s Day. “Maybe,” he says, sheepishly rubbing the back of his neck. “I mean… I’ll probably end up coming back tomorrow and Sunday, but I wanted to finish as much of it as I can tonight.”

Will purses his lips, and he looks around the room again, a thoughtful look on his face. “You’re gonna need some help,” he decides, finally turning to Mike and smiling brightly. “And luckily for you… I’m pretty good at arts and crafts.”

Another playful smile—which most definitely makes Mike’s heart skip a beat and his stomach do a silly little somersault. “You don’t have to,” Mike reassures, though he really likes the idea of spending the entire weekend with Will Byers. “I’d feel bad making you help me out—”

“You could always make it up to me,” Will blurts out, and Mike just blinks.

For a moment, the two of the stare back at each other, and Mike watches as a rosy (and adorable) blush forms on Will’s face. He seems to register the fact that he just said that aloud, and Mike doesn’t really know Will Byers that well yet… 

But he gets the feeling that Will might just be as interested in Mike as Mike is in Will.

A slow smile forms on Mike’s own face. His cheeks are burning right now, and not for the first time, he feels like a kid with a kindergarten crush. “I could,” Mike says softly, meeting Will’s eyes. “What’d you have in mind?”

Though Will’s face most definitely gets redder, he smiles at Mike again, his eyes going soft. “Dinner, maybe,” he suggests, still playful and soft. “A movie, if you’re interested.”

The inside of Mike’s head feels like the movie Inside Out, with all of his emotions running around in a panicked, flustered mess, and okay, look, maybe it’s embarrassing to admit at the ancient age of twenty-four (almost twenty-five) years old, but Mike’s not sure he’s ever felt this giddy and excited around someone.

There’s just something about Will Byers—something incredibly special that makes Mike feel like this… this could be something real.

“I’m definitely interested,” Mike says with a smile of his own, and he gestures to the Valentine’s Day themed decorations around them. “Getting a headstart on Valentine’s Day, huh?”

“Something like that,” Will laughs, and his eyes crinkle when he smiles. Then, he sets the construction paper in his hands down and stands up. “Come on. Let’s grab dinner, then we can come back and knock out a couple of your bulletin boards.”

He holds his hand out to Mike, and Mike’s heart—stupid organ that it is—feels all fluttery again. He can’t help but smile again, and he takes Will’s hand, letting the other man help him up. 

“Dinner sounds like a good idea,” Mike agrees softly, feeling all too aware of how Will’s hand lingers in his for longer than it needs to. “You’re the best, you know that, right?”

An amused look forms on Will’s face as the two of them walk out of the classroom, and he glances back at Mike. “You don’t know me that well yet,” he says, a bit teasing.

“Well, it’s a good thing we’re about to change that,” Mike retorts, just as playful, and Will just smiles.

“Yeah,” he agrees softly, “it’s a really good thing.”

For a moment, Will’s eyes linger on Mike’s own, and warmth rises to Mike’s cheeks again. The two of them stay there, out in the hallways of Hawkins Elementary, for what feels like a little eternity; then finally, Will clears his throat and glances away.

“I’m kinda craving pizza,” he suggests. “You cool with that?”

“Pizza sounds great,” Mike agrees, and Will smiles again, walking down the hallway. “I can drive us. I know a good place.”

“Perfect,” Will says softly, and he glances back at Mike one more time, a softness in his eyes.

The words go unspoken, but somehow, they don’t go unsaid.

It’s a date.

[jbuffyangel]

Hi this may be an odd question but reading your blog (and other Olicity blogs) it strikes me that while you provide insightful in depth analysis of the show at large you proudly admit that Oliver and Felicity’s relationship is paramount to your overall enjoyment and investment in the show. I personally possess a lot of internal shame stemming from my primary focus on the ship and will feel the need to justify my interest in the other aspects of the show (which I do love but I also love Olicity). I struggle with this with not just Arrow but any tv show where the romantic relationship isn’t intended to be the main premise of a show. I know I am allowing myself to be impacted by the views of comic book (and mostly male) fans and I can acknowledge that many of their views on Olicity fans and the show at large when it comes to the ship are at least somewhat if not primarily misogynistic. Despite knowing it comes from a sexist place which loves to shame women for enjoying romance and reduce our enjoyment to a surface level guilty pleasure unaware of the ways a romantic relationship can add major depth and development to a story as is the case with Arrow (although even if it didn’t add that it would still be valid to like the romance aspects), I still internalize those sexist sentiments and feel ashamed and like I cannot fully enjoy those things are I have to add caveats of my enjoyment. I was just wondering if you ever struggled with this or if you have always felt confident in proudly proclaiming your interest and investment in ships or if it was something that evolved over time. I’m sorry if this is a weird question I just witnessed your confidence in the validity of your passion and I wish I could have that conviction and not feel the shame that misogynistic society has given me in regards to shipping and enjoying romance. It’s definitely much harder in a fandom like Arrow where antis will openly voice their disdain for shippers and make extremely disparaging remarks and assumptions about Olicity shippers but I have felt this way in other fandoms too even when non shippers aren’t this aggressive or sexist.

Hello Nonnie!!!! I am so happy you reached out :) Apologies for the delay. I haven't checked my inbox for about a week. You write so beautifully!

To be honest, I've always marched to the beat of my own drum. I was a sick kid and had difficulty making friends because of it. I was teased in school a lot because of my health issues. Elementary school was not fun. I liked my mom and I liked being home. (These things really haven't changed). The Lord blessed me with a great imagination and a love for stories. I would just play by myself because the world I invented was so much cooler than reality.

It did give me a very strong independent streak, which my parents encouraged. The world had been very cruel to them as well. I was highly encouraged to stand up for myself, tell people where to stick it, and not care what other people think.

I was much healthier in high school and made a bunch of friends. But even my friends, who I know love me to this day, thought it was weird how obsessed I was with Buffy the Vampire Slayer. My family thought I joined a cult lol. I just like what I like. It never mattered to me if anyone else liked it.

I find it absolutely insane that anyone looks down on love stories. Love stories have been around for as long as there's been human beings on this planet. Every culture has love stories. Why? Love is central to being human. Love is what MAKES us human. We are here on this planet to be loved and to love in return. It's the whole damn point. And I'm not speaking just about romance. We build our lives around all kinds of different relationships. It is not exclusive to romantic love.

But let's address romantic stories, since that seems to be the genre asshats have a problem with. The question is why? Probably because it's popular with women and God forbid we'd be supportive of women and things they like. The horror. I think you absolutely nailed it here:

Despite knowing it comes from a sexist place which loves to shame women for enjoying romance and reduce our enjoyment to a surface level guilty pleasure...

But sometimes I think there are more personal reasons people have such vile reactions to it. Maybe they don't have romantic love in their own life. Maybe they've been hurt by partners. Maybe they've been rejected and are lonely. Maybe romance stories are a painful reminder of what they don't have. I'm not sure. What I do know is that hurt people hurt people. So, more often than not, what I feel is not shame, but pity.

We're clearly on the right track since every television show, movie, book and comic book has some romantic element to it. Romance sells. So, feel confident because you are in the majority.

I don't give the comic book crowd too much thought. My attitude when it came to Arrow was there's plenty of room for everyone to love what they love, hate what they hate, and go about their merry way. Don't like my blog? Cool. There's the door. Plenty of fish in the sea friends. Seek out other bloggers. Start your own blog! The internet is a vast place. Go with God.

But there is an element of ownership within that community that makes them think they can dictate who can watch a show/movie, what we can like or dislike, who can portray the characters on screen, what stories should be told and how they should be told. It's not just romance. Comic book fans are LOUD about basically everything.

To a certain extent, I get it. You love a character and their stories for a long time. It's very exciting when those stories which only existed on paper are going to be brought to life onscreen. Comic books are a refuge for many people, no different than books or movies. So, it can be very upsetting when you don't feel the tv show or movie has met your expectations. I've been bummed out on more than one occasion with books being made into a movie or television show. We've all been there.

But that doesn't mean they get to be the bouncers at the door. They don't get to gatekeep. They don't get to be racists assholes when an actor or actress doesn't look exactly like the character on the page. They are entitled to their opinion, and their opinion only, but it does not give them a free pass to be hateful towards others who may disagree.

I don't want to single out comic book fans out - this is a general internet problem. People just become assholes behind a keyboard. They say things they would never have the guts to say in person. And clearly this is not ALL comic book fans. I have met many wonderful comic book fans who are welcoming and kind. They love Olicity just as much as I do. Even if they didn't, they respect differing opinions. They are just good human beings overall.

In the beginning of my blog, I debated with antis a lot because I thought we were all just having fun. But when the death threats started because I like Olicity and believed Arrow was going to kill off Laurel Lance, then I reached a point where maybe I was dealing with people who were a few paper plates short of a picnic, if ya know what I'm mean. It's a TELEVISION SHOW. These characters are NOT REAL. But there's no reasoning with crazy.

Do you know who are huge comic book fans? Greg Berlanti and Marc Guggenheim. We're talking HARD CORE. And who created Olicity? Greg and Marc. Don't even get me started on the hate they receive.

I know there were entire Reddit threads devoted to trashing me and my blog. Did I read it? No. Did I engage with those people? No. When Stephen Amell's Facebook became a cesspool of terrible antis going after Olicity fans - I left. Did I read the messages in my inbox that were nasty? Nope. DELETED. Did I read the Lauriver tag on tumblr? Nope. We were North and South. The Red Sox and the Yankees. We were never going to agree, so you stay on your side and I'll stay on mine. And when some in the Olicity fandom turned on me because I was still enjoying the show in later seasons, I unfollowed and blocked if necessary. It really boils down to this - can you disagree with someone and remain a polite and kind person? Many folks do not have this skill.

The key to mental health on the internet is control your environment. Do not engage with people who are mean. It's really that simple. Because no matter how "strong" you are mentally, over time, nasty and demeaning comments have a way of sinking in and taking root inside your mind. It's completely understandable that your feelings get hurt because that's the intention! They are trying to hurt you. They are trying to shame you. So don't give them the opportunity.

Does that mean there will be some websites, blogs, social media sites that you don't go to anymore? Yes. Does that mean there will be some fans you don't engage with? Yes. But you know what? The internet is a vast place and there are plenty of people out there who share your opinions. Who love what you love and want nothing more than to chat with you about it until 4 am in the morning. Those are your people. That's your community.

And just for the record, romance loving shippers can be terrible too. I've seen awful behavior from our side of the fence so we're certainly not exempt from the behavior we receive from antis. And loving romance is no guarantee people will be nice either. My shipper flag was forged in the fiery pits of shipper hell - The Vampire Diaries fandom. Nasty doesn't even come close to what I experienced in the great Stelena vs. Delena wars. Arrow is child's play in comparison.

Here's the thing. Arrow is about one man's evolution to a superhero. He could not become that superhero without the love of one woman. LOVE is central to Oliver Queen's development and if you don't understand that part of the story then you really don't understand Arrow.

I think you'll find when it comes to Arrow that it's not romance antis have a problem with. It's who Oliver's romantic partner is. If it was Laurel Lance they would've been happier than clams. But Arrow deviated from "comic book canon" and developed an organic character with an actress Stephen Amell actually had chemistry with. And they CANNOT get over it. But thems the breaks.

I think my perspective on humanity has not really evolved past age six in kindergarten. If you make fun of me or are cruel then you're not a nice person and I will have nothing to do with you going forward. I've approached life like this and overall I have come out the other side a healthier person because of it. The beauty of the internet is there's always another playground to find friends.

I've always been a shipper since I was a little kid. I could never understand why Bobby & Pam couldn't work it out on Dallas. Loved every single husband Erica Kane had on All My Children. (My mother let me watch some wildly inappropriate tv as a kid). I was really torn between Prince Lotor and Keith for Princess Allura on Voltron. I really didn't understand why He-Man and She-Ra couldn't date. I was obsessed with Jerrica and Rio on Jem. And on and on it goes.

In the immortal words of our Queen, Taylor Swift, "The worst kind of person is someone who makes someone feel bad, dumb or stupid for being excited about something.” She's bang on. Always trust in TSwizzle. I'm a 42 year old woman with a full life who wears her shipper flag proudly. Love what you love my friend. Screw the haters.

And feel free to message me whenever you want to talk shipping. This is a shipper safe zone and always will be. You have absolutely NOTHING to be ashamed of.

[rouge-fauna]

I think you’re talking about these posts [here & here], I don’t know if there have been others.

I'm not gonna say what I did was right, you are correct I should probably just not respond to asks getting me to talk about other people. I will say for these two posts those people had already blocked me I’m pretty sure, so it’s kinda hard to talk directly to them in that case. And I was not doing so anonymously and had not blocked them so I wasn’t hiding what I was saying. I did not follow them, I am not part of the innitor community, and not that that makes it right but I do think it is kinda different. Though you make a good point, perhaps we should stop this pattern of responding to asks about other blogs and such.

Still, the biggest thing to me I realized, back in elementary school when I first dealt with this, was that honestly all the time we talk about people behind their back. Talking about people when they aren’t always in the room is kinda just inevitable and part of socializing, however I think the important part is how you are talking about other people. It’s when you are insulting them, talking negatively about them to people they know, spreading false information and so on that it becomes not okay. Hopefully that makes sense.

In these cases I merely focused on the lore. I didn’t insult them or talk shit about them, as a person, as a blog or say their takes were stupid or they are stupid or speculate about their trauma or mental history. I just talked about reasons why I disagreed, or saw things differently and why we might see things differently. They were also not the only ones I saw to say similar things so I think in my mind I was making more of a general discussion, not trying to target them specifically. I didn’t post beyond that about them. But you are right, regardless it was probably not the right way to go about things.

But just to be clear, if I am a hypocrite it is not my intention. I haven’t vague blogged anyone or meant to vague reblog anyone. I think this week is pretty much the first time I’ve ever been not naming, passive aggressively talking about blogs, and even then I’m not trying to insult them, trying to cancel them. I’m just expressing that before you go off about how I’m stupid and unable to have a discussion about it, the very least you could’ve done was give me an opportunity to try.

[lemyvents]

⚠️ Trigger Warning⚠️: Heavy venting/Mentions of Suicide/Aggressive Ranting/Abuse/Mentions of Self-Harm

⚠️Viewer Discretion is Advise!⚠️

Hello everyone, Nicole here, and this is something that I that I need to get off my chest. This is a vent post before I go on hiatus. If you are willing to listen please keep reading this post carefully and actually listen. I would greatly appreciate it a lot! ❤️

I am NOT doing this for attention or to gain sympathy, I don't want so much attention on this post and I don't want to get overwhelmed by countless people trying to support me. I'm just Genuinely venting out my true feelings about what I’ve been through and saying what I have to say. It's not organized so be patient with me, please, and thanks. ❤️

Read at your own risk!

As an actual Autistic person with ADHD and other disorders that I am not undiagnosed for, I would usually never post vents on here or anywhere else due to my trust issues with my followers and audience but…For the past months, Maybe even Years, I started feeling less motivated to do things I am passionate about such as drawing and making fan art or characters or for people that I care about. I would feel like my art is shit and did not receive the attention it needs, and I would struggle to try to improve my art every time I receive a comment about my art, I would get high anxiety and have a triggering episode of something traumatic such as being bullied and tormented from school in the real world.

Throughout my Elementary (5th grade) and Middle School days as a child, I was always tormented and harassed by other students and I would cry every time they made a threat to me, made fun of me for jokes that I didn't understand, and physically hit me and the teachers would usually do nothing about it. Nobody gave a shit that if I had Autism, ADHD, or Anxiety whatsoever, I felt like hell throughout school. I hated just about everything around me, I felt like an outcast, and I felt like I was not worth living for. Not to mention, I was dealing with my Ex Boyfriend cheating on me as well which made shit worst for me and made me Self-Harm myself and I cut myself with a Razor, trying to k*ll myself by cutting through my veins and letting myself bleed to death to the point where I lose oxygen and consciousness.

My mother started to be extremely concerned and worried about the cuts on my arm, so she took me to a therapist to get some help the therapist helped for a little bit until a new therapist arrived when I had another appointment with a Mental Health Clinic. The new therapist wasn't much help, to be honest, so we stopped seeing that therapist and then. After I moved from my old home to a new home, I transferred to a new school in the neighborhood where I live. The school wasn't very far, it didn't take long to get there by car, but never mind that! After I was transferred I felt more comfortable and open toward new people, but then, I started to get harassed there too at times, and made my mental health worsen more. Although…

During my high school years at my New High School, I discovered something that actually made me feel lots of joy in my heart. I started watching Roary The Racing Car. The show changed a lot in me. when I heard Maxi’s voice for the first time. I felt an instant connection with the Maxi. The more I watched Roary The Racing Car the more of a connection towards both the show and Maxi grew more and more. The show made me feel very safe and I would stim and get excited quite often Especially when Maxi was on screen and talking or whenever there was fan art of Maxi. I couldn’t help my autistic stimming whenever I see stuff like that or things that I am very interested in. I became so obsessed with the show that I collected some of the merch. I would ramble about how down bad I am for Maxi but….That’s the topic for another day and I don't feel comfortable talking about it at the moment.

So after graduating and still having love for the Roary show, My mom and I went out at night to pick up a friend of ours from work while my mom and I were sitting in the parking lot chilling then after so many people from around the public came around and started parking in spots that they weren’t supposed to be, it would trigger me and I started to go on a 2-hour rant about how much I hate the world and the people within this world. Then I started to think a lot about suicide, venting to her about how I wanted to k*ll myself. Then the next morning I still felt like shit, which then lead to my mom calling the Suicide Hotline then next morning because I felt like shit. After talking to my family and relatives, a team of mental professionals showed up at our home and asked me some questions about my trauma. After talking with the mental professionals, and LOOTTSSS of venting. I felt a lot of stress come off of me.

But…That doesn’t stop there. Even after some some emotional support, It would all come back to me like a boomerang just by getting jealous of others who are talented and gain more attention than me. One of my dreams is to become talented like them and show the world that I am just as talented as they are.

I would feel dehumanized by certain people, and sometimes those people would remove me from groups and unfollow me without me even knowing or without a given reason and possibly talking shit behind my back EVEN IF I HAVEN’T DONE ANYTHING WRONG TO THEM!

I ABSOLUTELY DESPISE THIS WORLD RIGHT NOW, I GENUINELY FEEL LIKE I AM SECRETLY HATED…AND POSSIBLY EVEN SHADOW BANNED ANYWHERE ONLINE.

But eh��WHATEVER…People come and go I guess…

I would feel like the entire world is against me. I see the entire world as a threat to me and I feel hurt by the evil people. I am genuinely SICK of people seeing me as an attention seeker when I literally vent about something that bothers EVEN IF ITS THE SMALLEST THING EVER! People would say “I aM So tiRED Of yOuR vEnTinG It’S getting oN My NeRvEs aNd OLd !1!1!1 🙄😒” or “YouR just aN aTTentiOn seeker who FaKes mEnTal diSorDers foR aTTentiOn, You're noT AuTistic, ADHD, or have PTSD aNd DePressiOn!1!1!1 🙄🙄🙄 😒😒🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️” or “It’S noT mY fAult yoUR suffering!1!!1 😒😒😒”

SORRY THAT I CAN’T HELP MY FUCKING EMOTIONS, MY MENTAL STATE, AND MY MENTAL DISORDERS. SORRY THAT I HAVE FUCKING EMOTIONS. SORRY THAT I AM AN ACTUAL FUCKING HUMAN BEING THAT IS TRYING TO LIVE LIFE. SORRY THAT I HAVE MENTAL DISORDERS THAT I CAN’T HELP. SORRY THAT I AM NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU!! THAT JUST GOES TO SHOW YOU’RE SHITTY FUCKING PERSON AND DESERVE TO GO TO HELL FOR DEHUMANIZATION, ABLEST SHIT, AND ABUSIVE BEHAVIOR!!

I CAN’T FUCKING STAND GASLIGHTERS AND VICTIM BLAMERS WHO THINK THEY HAVEN’T DONE ANYTHING WRONG!! WELL GUESS WHAT HERE’S A REALITY CHECK FOR YA! 😃

NOBODY HERE IS PERFECT AND NOBODY HERE IS A FUCKING SAINT! FUCKING WAKE UP!

WE…ARE…HUMAN!!!

YOU HEAR ME….

HUMAN!!!

I am SOOOOO ready to die right now, it’s not even fucking funny. I can’t help but feel like shit total shit for what I do. I would isolate myself from things that bother me and try to cope with them and learn how to deal with situations I am in. It’s VERY VERY HARD to control. I am always desperate for emotional support and need of comfort, but I just can't bring myself to trust people in this big wide world…

Sometimes I wish I had never been born…Never existed…maybe the entire world would be happy if I never existed…

If anything I rather be hated for being myself rather than just faking a smile and bottling up my emotions! I rather express my feelings and be myself and make innocent people happy and be their emotional support instead of people tossing my kindness and compliments in the trash like it is nothing. If you do toss my kindness and compliments in the trash, Then FUCK YOU!!

Say all mean Shit all you want, but I don’t care, you’re just wasting time harassing me and others anyway!!

To People who have done me wrong in life such as my bullies, my former computer middle school teacher, my ex-boyfriends/girlfriends, and others who harassed me online and treated me like shit….

FUCK YOU!! Just…FUCK YOU!! BURN IN HELL!! LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!! STOP HARASSING ME AND MAKING ME FEEL MISERABLE. I’VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOUR BULLSHIT AND THE BAD TASTE THAT YOU HAVE IN YOUR MOUTH!! STAY OUT OF MY LIFE AND GO MOVE ON IN LIFE GOD DAMMIT!! STOP WASTING YOUR TIME ON HARASSING OTHERS AND MAKING OTHERS FEEL LIKE SHIT. YOU’RE BEING A PIECE OF SHIT!! WAKE UP AND REALIZED THE DAMAGE YOU CAUSED!!! I HOPE YOU REGRET IT FOR ETERNITY!!

I…HAVE…HAD…ENOUGH…

Ughh…That was the cringest, cheesiest, and most tough thing to vent about. Anyway, that’s enough venting I said what I needed to say.

To people who listened and read this post and ACTUALLY appreciate me.

Thank you VERY VERY much and I appreciate you for listening to me, really and truly. ❤️❤️❤️

Now for my announcement. I am currently going into therapy and of course, I am starting college soon. I am mostly going to be on Hiatus and very busy because I am going to be focused on my goals in life such as becoming a successful artist, animator, storyboard artist, graphic designer, and game developer. I am going to step away from social media and spend more time with my family as well. I am going to explore the world and meet new people along the way. I am going to make my dreams come true and spread my wings. I want to come out of my introverted shell.

But, yeah, now that you have read this post, Again…Thank you for listening and I appreciate your support very much. ❤️

Thank you and I’ll see you guys when I feel ready to come back, I promise! I love you all that support me! ❤️

Goodbye for now! 👋

-Sincerely, Nicole ❤️

[goodoldfashionedengineer]

I am watching Daisy Jones & the Six rn, a fictional band which was really popular in the 70s but had a fallout and no one answered why, until 20 years later when they interview the band members and people involved with them, a documentary of sorts.

And I love that sort of thing.

So, idea: Bruce was a brilliant scientist and one day, he disappeared from the face of the earth (on the day of the gamma bomb test). They make a documentary about Bruce Banner in the 80s/90s.

None of his still living family members wanted to participate.

They pull in some other people.

Elementary school teacher: "He was gifted from a young age. Always on top of his class. Could read before he was four years old. But he wasn't really sociable. He didn't have any friends, no. The other kids quickly saw him as a target and ganged up on him."

"It was usually his mom who picked him up. Brian Banner, his father, was known to... Not be a pleasant person. A very angry and also insecure man.”

Former neighbor, “The neighborhood wasn't really a community. Except for church services, maybe. But yeah, you could hear screams from the Banner house very often. Mr and Mrs Banner went out a lot and the boy stayed with the Nanny. Highly unpleasant person as well. You didn't see her often but you knew that you just didn't want to talk with her.”

Bartender, “Brian Banner was a regular. Nobody liked him because he got really aggressive when drunk. And loud. He would often complain about his son, making claims about him being a monster. It was at these moments I was glad he was at the bar instead of at home.”

Former neighbor: “Rebecca did sport a black eye every now and then, no amount of make-uo was going to conceal that. Plus she wore long-sleeved shirts even in summer. She was a good woman. She didn't deserve what happened to her. But yes, the clues that something like this could happen were there.”

Reporter: “What happened?”

Police Officer #1: “We got a call. An accident with one person dead. We arrived at the scene and we all knew that this was no accident.”

Police Officer #2: “He was still kneeling beside her bleeding body. His hands, his face, his clothes, they were all covered in blood. I gave him a blanket, guided him away to our car. He didn't show any signs of emotions. But tears were running down his face. Suddenly, he said ‘She didn’t slip. "He killed her’.”

Police Officer #3: “I remember him. I couldn't ever forget that case. I was with him at the station while we waited for his aunt. He was sitting there all alone, wrapped in a blanket so I decided to get him a hot chocolate. You could see that he had it tough in life. There were bruises on his arms, some handshapped. I brought the hot chocolate over to him and he was holding out his arm. Was muttering something along the lines of ‘I can't find it’. I never understood it.”

Reporter: “You were his middle school teacher?”

Teacher #1: “Yes, I was.”

Reporter: “What do you remember about him?”

Teacher #1: “He was a real troublemaker. Not because of his grades, but he would cause scenes because he only ever wanted to work alone, which backfired multiple times. And his constant mumbling!”

Reporter: “Mumbling?”

Teacher: “Yes! He would talk to himself so often, even during class! And then he had the audacity to not even pay attention to the lesson!”

Schoolmate #1: “I was in the same class as him.”

“Ohh, yes, he mumbled to himself so often! Not even himself, his imaginary friend. Imaginary friend! We were teenagers and the guy still had an imaginary friend. Probably because no one else would willingly spend time with him.”

“Hulk. He always called him Hulk, yeah. Even wrote that name down in his notebook he always carried around.”

“He had this notebook and he would write in it whenever he could. Even during class.”

“I don't know what he wrote in it anymore. Some sort of equations.”

Carla, schoolmate: “He stepped in when Ken, the school bully, harrassed me. He didn't have to do that, but he did anyway.”

“Well, they… they beat him up. He had to go to the hospital. Broken ribs. But once he came back, he asked me if I was okay!”

“What I said? Erm, stuff I regret saying. I don't want to talk about it. We were teenagers and I had a lot to deal with already. I had my own insecurities and your reputation was really important back in school. It wasn't fair, yes, but I was just a girl.”

“He was a good person. Sure, he was weird, but he did not deserve to be bullied. Nobody does.”

Reporter: “How do you know Bruce Banner?”

Former college student #1: “We were roommates during college.”

Reporter: “What was he like?”

Former college student #1: “Smart. Passionate. Awkward. He was great at what he did, a real favorite amongst teachers. He studied with Stoddard, another gamma scientist. Stoddard was always jealous of Banner, because he worked much harder but Banner was the one who got all the praise.”

“It wasn't that Banner was lazy, he was just a genius who just instantly understood everything it seemed. When he had a problem, he would immediately try to solve it.”

Reporter: “How do you know Bruce Banner?”

“We were friends during college.”

“We had a study group in college and we would spend the weekends together too sometimes.”

“We were all nerds, which is why it was so easy to talk together. The rest? They didn't understand us. But we understood each other.”

Former college student #3: “We had fun sharing our interests, sharing knowledge, getting into rambles, going into hypothetical scenarios.”

Former college student #2: *rubbing the back of his neck* “What we would do in our free time together? Ehh.”

Former college student #3: “Drugs.”

Former college student #2: “It was the 70s and burnt out college students. I’m sure that’s all that you need.”

Former college student #1: “Once, I hadn't seen him for three days. I didn't think much of it until he came back. He looked really shaken up and spaced-out. Told me he was at a cafe three towns over. Apparently he had no idea how he got there and just walked back.”

“If he went to parties? Usually not. Except when he did. See, most of the time he was really timid. He was sure of himself, but still introverted. But when he did go out? The guy went all the way. Would even ask me if I wanted to come with him, which I declined. He was like a completely different person.”

Former college student #2: “We had a great time together. Parties were so fun! He really knew how to charm the ladies. It was like Clark Kent and Superman, one second an unassuming guy, the next, he knew how to read the room and what to say to people to get what he wants as if he could read their minds.”

Former college student #3: “Sometimes we would drive to a casino, he would make some money and afterwards we would get something to eat.”

Former college student #2: “And sometimes… Sometimes it seemed more like possession than a superpower. I remember one time we were in the car, mentally not 100% present and he asked really panicked ‘Where am I? How did I get here?’. And that whole confident demeanor? It was gone.”

Former college student #1: “Yes, this was not the only occurrence. Sometimes he would become… childish? He would talk in a few word sentences. I blamed it on sleep deprivation but when I asked him about it, he told me he didn't remember.”

Journalist: “What happened after Dr. Banner’s college time is mostly speculation. What we do know is that he tried to get funding for his research but was declined. As to what his idea consisted of, we have no idea. Eventually he would join the government and this was the last officially known thing about him. His contact with friends and family members became less and less. Of course, he had co-workers that would probably know more, but even the ones working with him are mostly classified and the ones we do know of were unable to be contacted. Eventually a missing person report was filed - and immediately closed. Did he die? Is he held captive? Did he see something he was not supposed to see? As of now, we don't have the answers. But there is hope that we one day will.”

[weirdthoughtsandideas]

Today in my gender studies class, we talked about P.E in primary school and basically how much trauma it induced. Especially for people assigned female at birth.

Other kids, especially boys, could be extremely aggressive or treat P.E as "life or death".

Where I live, we played a game called "brännboll" ("burnball"), which I guess is similar to baseball, but it's essentially one person that serves and hits the ball with a bat (there is no one throwing the ball to them or anyone behind them, it's ONE person serving and hitting), and then they get to run laps around the field while the other team tries to get the ball. When they get the ball, they run to a spot, shout "burned!" and the person who threw has to go back to the last "checkpoint" they ran past.

There is two different bats used for hitting the ball, and you can choose which one you want to use

As you see, it's a normal bat, and then another bat that might make it more easy to hit the ball with. This bat is often called "kärringracket". "Kärring" is a more mean-spirited word for an old lady.

Very often, when a girl in primary school was gonna serve, many boys immediately made comments "use kärringracket! So you'll hit the ball!" Because they could not believe they could use the normal bat - meaning that, if a girl did use a normal bat, she'd have much more expectations and pressure that she needs to hit. And if she doesn't, some (especially male) classmates takes offense because they dare to be bad at the sport.

I have a large trauma from playing brännboll in elementary school, but not from serving and hitting the ball. But when I was in the team that was gonna catch the ball. I was 8 years old, at the end of 2nd grade. The ball bounced on the field, and started rolling fast on the ground. I was about to grab it, when it rolled between my legs. Apparently, me not being able to catch it was SO OFFENSIVE to one kid, that he started screaming: ”WHAT THE FUCK, SARA!!! I’M GONNA MURDER YOU!!!!”. He then proceeded to sprint in my direction. The gym teacher saw it and stopped him from reaching me by standing in the way, so he then proceeded to run in another direction while the gym teacher chased him.

I have other traumatic memories too. Like when we were jumping over obstacles, and I couldn’t no matter how much I tried. I had to walk over them. And my classmates saw this as a great offense to them. That I couldn’t jump over obstacles was bothering for them?

Or all the ball sports… aggresive ball throws. If you managed to hit someone with a ball, ”it didn’t count, actually!!”

Girls could be mean too. If you know european P.E halls, they often have colored lines on the floor. We had a game of tag one P.E lesson where you were supposed to only run on the colored lines. If you got tagged or if you ran outside the lines, you had to step aside and do five jumps (the kind of jump where you squat, put your hands on the floor and jump up). I had just done my five jumps, when a girl stopped me and was like ”Sara, you did the jumps all wrong! Now you need to get back and re-do them!”. I’ve been thinking for years why it was so important to her that I didn’t do the jumps ”correctly”. What if she did them incorrectly? She was also not a P.E teacher, she was a child like me?

I actually still remember some trauma in high school. By that point, no one got that offended anymore, but as a girl I sometimes got treated like I couldn’t do things as well as some others. One lesson, we played badminton. Now, I’m fine in badminton. But when the whole class is watching me serve, I feel the pressure, and I miss hitting the ball. And again. And again. And I get stressed, because I can do this!! And then comes a boy up from my class, and goes ”this is how you serve” and proceeds to explain to me how to serve, as if I didn’t know… and I am aware he’s being nice, but it felt humiliating when I COULD serve, I just got stressed and nervous. The nail in the coffin was some time later, when we discussed badminton, I mentioned ”Yeah I like it fine, i’m not the best but it’s fun” and this boy answered ”Sara… you can’t play badminton. I’ve had to help you several times 😉”

(The same guy also mansplained how to hold a minigolf club because I didn’t hold it the same way he did. Then I just told him ”I can’t hold the way you can, and I’m gonna hold the way I’m comfortable with”, to which he got nervous and was like ”but of course!! I just mean… I have learned to hold it like this!”. I won over him in minigolf anyway)

The more I think about P.E the more bad memories come. Like us having to run laps and I came last out of everyone because I could not run as fast as hard as I tried (I also had undiagnosed asthma). We all needed to lift ourselves up with some gymnastic rings. I never could. We were supposed to cartwheel. I have never learned to cartwheel. And when they brought in the springboard and everyone needed to jump over this giant stool-table-thing (i don’t know the english word). Ugh.

This little post was from an AFAB perspective, but I am aware P.E definitely was not always fun for AMAB people either. Especially if you weren’t one of those boys who took P.E super seriously.

[internetgiraffekid1673]

Dorothy Gale Through the Ages:

This is post number 5 for The Cross Roads, where I finish off the girls! The Cross Roads is the tentative title for my crossover AU project which includes The Wizard of Oz, Peter Pan, Alice in Wonderland, and Milo and the Phantom Tollbooth! The story focuses on the main kids from each story all going to the same school and having whacky adventures!

More info about the AU, additional notes, and non-formatted drawings under the cut. Posts for Alice, Wendy, John, Michael, and Milo.

Chicken Scratch Translation (in the order the boxes should be read):

[Land of Oz Era. Age: 13. Source: Gale family photo album]

[Notes: perhaps the epitome of FDR's saying: "Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the assessment that something esle is more important than fear." Her desire to help others and protect those she is close with will always outweigh the fact that she's easily frightened.]

[Farm Girl Era. Age: 18. Source: Henry Gale's photos, retouched by Alice Lidell]

[Notes: A cheerful and strong young woman who spends a lot of time helping her aunt and uncle with their farm. Dorothy is a very service-oriented person who distracts herself from her own uncertainty about life by solving her loved ones' problems instead.]

[Survey Pilot Era. Age: 30. Source: Hangar Security Cameras]

[Notes: After getting her pilot's license to cropdust, Dorothy found a passion for flight. She uses her skills to do weather tracking and mapping at Gale Farms and values her crew and coworkers like a second family.]

AU Info:

I am using a mix of canons, mostly for familiarity reasons, but also a couple others that I may or may not eventually specify. I am using the Warner Bros movie for the Wizard of Oz; the book for Milo and the Phantom Tollbooth; both books for Alice in Wonderland; and a mix of the book, the stageplay, and the Disney movie for Peter Pan, but primarily the Disney movie.

This is a modern!AU that takes place sometime between the 90s and the 2010s.

The story will be equally split between a highschool!AU that focuses on their mundane adventures and a fantastical plot that will take them to all the Magical Otherworlds in the original stories.

Their school is 7-12. At the time of the story, Alice and Michael are 8th graders, Milo and John are sophomores, and Dorothy and Wendy are seniors.

While the canon events of Peter Pan and Alice in Wonderland still took place in England, both families moved to Kansas sometime after. That's right folks, we've finally specified a setting! The way I wrote Dorothy made her home and her family very important to her, and I don't think I can easily justify her family leaving their farm. So, while the town will have undergone some massive expansion, Dorothy is the only one who has never moved! Milo will also be a transplant, having lived in the indeterminate American suburbia of another state, most likely in the south east.

There will be ships: Dorothy x Wendy, who are both some kind of sapphic but unsure of their more specific labels; and John x Milo. John is gay and Milo is aspec, and they will be shipped in an aspec way. Alice and Michael will be single, but Alice is pan and Michael is the token straight.

These information files exist in universe! Who could be making them? Questions for you to find out another day!

Additional Notes:

Dorothy provided a couple of unique art challenges for me that I wanted to state in the main post instead of the tags:

As anyone who has seen the previous posts will have noticed, I am aggressively rainbow color coding these fuckers. Unfortunately for me, the obvious blue was already taken by Alice, so I had to pick another color for Dorothy! Ruby slippers + auburn hair=red color coding, but her blue dress is so iconic that I felt I had to keep it for my stylized version of her canon design, so it's her elementary school uniform.

Also related to my color coding issues, the shift in the Warner Bros movie from sepia-toned Kansas to technicolor Oz is also very iconic, and I wanted to include a homage to that somehow, so I decided your local hick Uncle Henry probably has an old-ass camera that takes non-color photos, and the kids offered to retouch it for him with a computer so he could have a color keepsake of his little girl. This is also why Dorothy's file has a lot more drawings than everybody else (technically there are more unique drawings of Alice but shh).

Survey pilot may seem a little out of left field for the profession, but these were chosen with care. I feel like Dorothy has been hyper aware of and fascinated by weather patterns since the Tornado Incident, and definitely would have become a storm chaser if she wasn't so attached to her home and family. (Also, when I say chosen with care: I mean that I had an epiphany that Alice would be a good lawyer and asked my dad with 0 other context what he thought the other kids' professions would be in the future. He spent like 3 days coming up with a well thought out answer for me, so I'm sticking to them!)

Unformatted Drawings:

[choco-pudding]

Space Channel 5 Part 2: Sugoku Sugoi  Guide Book p. 070-75 (Translation by @lavoszero and myself. Edits and typesetting by myself)

Second part of Report 3.

Imgur link to all of the Sugoku Sugoi Guide Book translations we’ve done thus far.

Plain text below

70 The Stratosphere · Space

Finale!

“Look out, Pine bazookas incoming!  Use the X button beam when you hear ‘Chu!"

Chu! Chu! Chu! Staaaay Tuned [9]

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Straight Up Filthy Groove Guru 066

Honda Honda Toyota Toyota

71 Secrets of Big Sister Pine: Two or Three Things I Know About Pine's Character by Texas

On the Contrary Piney? Well, you'd think she'd be stricter than me, right? Completely untrue. She's more loyal than strict. Her bark is worse than her bite, tends to show her merciful side to even those disrupting the law. The whole thing has her torn. Mhm, that’s why she puts on a tough front, yet when push comes to shove, she's surprisingly soft, unlike me. Others say I have easy-going vibes, but don’t listen to them. I’ll make people follow the law without question. Piney is the type to convince people to follow the law.

Bum ba-da-bum-bum! Oh, the drums? Piney's far more skilled at them than me, don't you agree? I prefer being a bassist. Hmhm. Piney says she started playing the drums after she saw a 500-year old foreign drumming movie. I think it was around space elementary school, when the urge to drum was so powerful that we made a drum set with empty food cans and a splitter. Then she started listening to percussion groups like Space Samul Nori and Space Neubauten and kept improving from there.

Favorite Food Ah, cooking’s a challenge for her, but she isn't terrible at it. I'm not that great at it either, haha. On Space Thanksgiving, I ask her to come and help me with the hard stuff: cooking the turkey, hehe. Piney’s favorite food is… well, pretty much everything, but especially space kolo! It's kinda like space croquettes, I guess. She may not be a great cook but she sure is a picky; she gets upset if the potatoes are space kita akari ones. She's usually so sophisticated  and elegant, so concerned with upholding the law. But with space kolo, she gets to be selfish.

Sexiness "Has your sister been dealing with… ever since kindergarten…?" Is this a talk show now? You wanna know about that?" Hmm. Well, I wasn’t as friendly as I am now, back then I was a lil' ball of aggression, but Piney was pretty nice. She was real ladylike. All the little brats were heads over heels for her. But she's hopelessly awkward with men, so she still lives with me even at 27 years old. Piney, if you’re reading this, I’ll make you some space kolo today. Hurry up and come home.

[Translator’s note: Texas call Pine “Pine-chan” in Japanese. They mention the movie by name but I’d rather not say it. The word used here for “Thanksgiving” refers to the American holiday rather than Labor Thanksgiving Day .]

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Straight Up Filthy Groove Guru 067

Toyota Honda Toyota Honda

72 Fuse's Broadcast Notes

Report 3 & Repeat 3 This seem be redundant at this point but anyway, these are the instructions prepared by Fuse, the director of  "Ulala's Swingin' Report Show," a special news program on Space Channel 5. Unlike Noize's Evaluation, they’re not exactly instructions but mainly explanations on the secret input locations and the modifications made for the reruns for"Ulala's Swingin' Report Show" (ex. commands for the Lap 2 that are different from that in the Lap 1). It should be noted that the timing and locations of the secret inputs are exactly the same between the main (Lap 1) and rerun broadcasts (Lap 2).

The Hidden Inputs

[1] When Pudding Appears Report 3 doesn’t kick off with the usual “Jan! Jan! Jaaan!” This time Pudding zooms by, centershot, shouting "the scoop is mine," the first secret input is right on the “mine!” Or you can time your button presses to the BGM’s four-beat pattern if that’s easier.

[Her voice is a lil' hard hear over the drums. If you can't rely on her, try relying on the beat and tapping to that four-beat rhythm!]

[2] When Pudding Leaves If you got the beat from for the first input down, you should be able to hit the second one going along with the same rhythm. If you don't trust in your ears, try pressing the button right when Pudding raises her microphone after the camera switch.

[The drums start with a "marching" rhythm, so you should be able to match the inputs by grooving to the "ton, ton, ton, ton."]

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Straight Up Filthy Groove Guru 068

Honda Toyota

73

[3~6] Sexy 1 & 2 Chorus Pine starts singing once she takes stage on her ship. You should get the secrets no prob if you press down around when the chorus is just about to begin to its actual start. But be careful, the short pauses after Pine’s verses can be pretty sneaky. You can also time them to the beat! Try using a slow four-beat rhythm starting from the "peo" in "people."

[7] Yeah~! When You Shout Yeah There is also a secret input right when you and Noise land on the Playgirl and shout a big "Yeah~!" It’s right when you two shout. The BGM is the same here, so keep pressing that button if you have a handle on the four-beat rhythm.

[This is the part  where the camera switches to them after they land on the Playgirl.  Look at 'em, so cute, like children at a festival~.]

[8] After You Beat Pine This secret isn’t as telegraphed as the others so getting the timing down is a lil' tricky. Your best bet is to time it to the "ton, ton, ton, ton" beat. Keep pressing the button to that rhythm the moment after you beat Pine and the BGM changes. If you can’t get a hang of that rhythm, Ulala, try timing it about 12 seconds after Pine says “we’ll be back,” right when you jump up to hit the drums for a final time!

[Right at this scene. See that little hop Ulala does? The secret input comes right after that, so eyes open!]

[9] After the Giant Pine Missile is Fired Sometimes I wonder why Pine's ship has such an "ah~ so naughty" shape to it.  Seeing a missile flying out from the tip like that, I got such a rush that I yelled "Yee-haah!" after. After the "Chu! Chu! Chu!" is the usual Stay Tuned "pikon" secret input, be sure to press that button on cue!

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Straight Up Filthy Groove Guru 069

Toyota Honda

74 Rebroadcast (2nd Lap) Choreography

Report 3 & Repeat 3 Listen up, Ulala. The cast may be different compared to the original broadcast, but don't let that trip you up, you still gotta do the same thing as before. Even so, enjoy meeting these new faces, the changed lyrics, and report with style!

Pudding → Padding, again, and Pine → Texas

Leaving as quickly as she appeared, looks like Padding is the one saying “the scoop is mine!” in the rerun. It’s a small cameo, it’s fine if you didn’t notice, but if you need to give this girly a shout-out, call her Padding.

Well, like I said, Padding dashes off pretty quickly. The real pain this rerun is Texas, Pine's sister. Did you know? Pine has a twin sister! Big sis Pine works for the Eastern Sector Space Police, while the lil' sis over here works for the Western Sector Space Police! They’re identical in appearance but not in personality, Texas is a formidable foe when she shoots those beams and missiles at you with the Gold n' Silver (a.k.a. the Not-Playgirl)…

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Straight Up Filthy Groove Guru 070

Honda Toyota Honda Honda

75

Texas’s theme song starts like this:

People call me Texas (Texas!) Western Vixen Space Police. You hang in the hood (the hood) You're up to no good (no good) We'll be there to seal your fate! (Fate!)

[Lyrics by Texas, composition by Pine]

Lil’ sis Texas may have a smaller role, but you can feel her determination to crush her foes by any means. I think I like her more than her older sister~. I heard that one of our staff members left his bicycle in front of the station, and Texas confiscated it. I guess Texas is the bigger threat for normal folks. Though, they do seem to have equally sized… "bazookas." Makes sense, that’s twins for you right?

I can't forget about her back-up space drummers… well about them, mmm, uuh, I don't know what to say about them…

Command Changes and Where They Happen The Stratosphere · Blue Sky ~ Space

3.

15 o x

4.

(16 x x x~ x same as Lap 1) (17 o o x~ x same as Lap 1) 18 x x x x~ x 19 x o x x~ x (20 x~ x same as Lap 1) (21 o~ o same as Lap 1) (22 o~ o~ o~ o same as Lap 1) (23 x~ x same as Lap 1)

The Stratosphere · The Playgirl's Deck

5.

24 o ⬇ ⬇  25 o o ⬇ ⬇ 26 ⬇ o ⬇ o 27 ⬇ o o ⬇ o o

6.  

28 ⬇ ⬇ o o o 29 ⬇ ⬇ o o o 30 ⬇ ⬇ ⬇ o o o 31 ⬇ ⬇ ⬇ ⬇ o 32 ⬇ ⬇  o 33 ⬇ o

7.

34  ⬇ ⬇ ⬇ ⬇  x x x 35  ⬇ ⬇ ⬇ ⬇ ⬇ ⬇ x 36  ⬇ ⬇ x 37  ⬇ ⬇ o 38  ⬇ o o 39  ⬇ o x

8.  

40 (⬇ ⬇ ⬇ same as Lap 1) 41 (⬇ ⬇ ⬇ same as Lap 1) 42 ⬇ o o 43 o o o 44 o x o 45 x o ⬇ (46 ⬇ ⬇ same as Lap 1) (47 ⬇ ⬇ same as Lap 1) (48 ⬇ same as Lap 1) (49 ⬇ same as Lap 1) (50 ⬇ same as Lap 1) 51 x (52 ⬇ same as Lap 1) 53 o (54 ⬇ same as Lap 1) 55 o

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Straight Up Filthy Groove Guru 071

Honda Honda

[Translator’s note: By “bazookas” (scare quotes) we mean boobs. He straight up says they look like they have the same sized boobs in Japanese.]