#I was actually trying to look up if there's a word that describes something eerie yet comforting. like bittersweet being sad and happy

[vimbry]

ngl guys. linnell looks so good in the "birdhouse" video.

[prof-ramses]

A Mammon Analysis Written By A Mammon Kinnie! :8D

It's time to make y'all love this magnificent bastard even more than you already do so we can finally have something just happen in this fandom!

First off, the analysis.

A lot of people seem to think of Mammon as "dumb" or "oblivious", when he's far from either. Mammon is actually a very intelligent and attentive person, but just like most subtle things about him, it can be hard to notice because of his eccentricities.

As far as I see it, Mammon views everything he does as an investment to some extent, whether it be a literal monetary one or one of time, effort and/or attention. This is also one of the big things that make him so relatable to me. It's also worth noting that as a flipside to this, he also sees any option he's presented with in terms of physical or emotional value and trying to maximize said value as much as possible.

Mam doesn't interrupt "Two Minutes Notice" not because he's stupid, but because insults don't truly detract from the value of him or anything he has, not to mention the fact that he could tell that a lot of people would be willing to buy the song, just look how many are hanging of Fizz's every word when he describes having a crappy boss.

Likewise, criticizing Fizz's weight is something Mam solely does because it helps profits and has no genuine personal issue with Fizz potentially getting chunkier.

This shows something else interesting about Mammon, he doesn't really want to do destructive things, people just keep giving him every reason to do so, he's not dangerous on his own.

Every action Mam takes that makes Fizz uncomfortable is a direct result of him catering to what the consumers want, whether it be religiously watching his spokesman's weight for the sake of keeping the skinny sex-bots accurate, or forcing a mentally unstable person to spend a lot of time socializing to get people to pay admission for a meet-&-greet.

There's also the fact that he runs Greed in such a way that benefits Hell as a whole way more than Ozzie and Bee do. Admittedly, he over charges for his products, but said products are up to snuff, you'd expect him to peddle cheap junk that falls apart almost instantly, but no, he makes quality products and just charges extra. He really is a shrewd businessman when you get down to it, and that's something a lot of people have sadly overlooked when discussing our favorite spider.

Which brings me to my next point, Mammon being a spider is actually really clever, assuming what I'm about to describe was intended and not just me reading too much into a cheap Australia joke. Spiders are often shown as eerie and a way of reminding the viewer of a piece of media that nature can be scary, and though they do some really weird and freaky stuff, that's also the beauty of spiders. They have some of the most innovative and distinct hunting patterns in nature, they're more of a neutral presence, just like greed itself.

I've seen many people claim in their analysis of Mammon that "greed can't be good" which is just demonstrably untrue, greed is really just any action that prioritizes bettering oneself, it's only destructive if you are willing to be destructive, but even then it can lead to innovation and broad positive change, even if someone is worse off because of it.

Lastly, I want to discuss Mammon's obvious need for personal affection, the big guy is blatantly touch starved and craves a close connection, I have a rather headcanon-y idea about the origin of this behavior and I plan to link to it once I post about it in detail, but that can wait. However, this does reflect that idea of value and investment, Mam has yet to find someone who is both pleasant for him to be around and whose company has a reasonable "price". I see many possibilities for exploring this facet of his characterization and look forward to seeing the discussion about it grow.

Stay tuned for my HCs and theories about his Stinginess! ALL HAIL MAMMON!

[xxstormyprincessxx]

Kind, gentle, loving, caring. All words you’d never use to describe Eric. Ruthless, sadistic, cold hearted, psychotic. Now those were words you’d absolutely use to describe him. You’ve seen him fight to the death, kill people in cold blood, threaten people within an inch of their lives. He valued power and ruthlessness over anything.

Your eyes tracked him around the room as you practiced. Today it was knife throwing. Throwing knives was something you took to with ease. It was as simple as breathing to you. Lining up your target you launched the knife, bullseye. Looking smug you stood suddenly feeling a burning feeling in your back discreetly you looked around finding Eric’s eyes suddenly locked onto yours. Looking forward you looked up at Four “how was that?” You asked.

“Your shoulders are still really tense y/n. You need to breathe, you're good at this but you need to relax and quit being so tense.” He said turning you away from him and pointing to where you were most tense. “You're holding tension right at your shoulder blades. You've got good form, just need to quit being so tense.”

“I’ll relax when psycho quits watching me. It’s like looking into a lake of ice. When he smiles it’s like looking at your own death. Why is he like that?” You muttered so no one but four heard as you turned to look at him.

“He’s always like that. Believe it or not he was born in Erudite. He’s actually wicked smart from what I hear, but he's too much of a psycho to use his brains.” Four muttered back.

“Wow. And here I thought Eric was all jacked up muscles with no brains.” You laughed out loud. Wrong move like his name was a beacon, Eric was suddenly behind you.

“What was that initiate? You got something smart to say? Or are you just trying to flirt with four hoping he’ll give you attention?” Eric asked, arms crossed. Four gave you a warning look but you opened your mouth.

“I was simply asking four if your personality was the only dick you had and if that’s why you’re such a huge dick to everyone. To make up for what you clearly lack below the belt. Is that why you hate four so much? Because he has what you clearly lack?” You said, spinning around to face him with an unimpressed look on your face. But you realized a second too late that you had just crossed a line. The rage that appeared in Eric’s eyes was one you’d never seen. Not even when he shoved Cristina off the railing.

The room went dead silent. Not a soul breathed, moved or spoke. You stared into those icy blue eyes. You were dead and you knew it. The look of eerie calm that crossed Eric's face suddenly scared you more than anything ever had before.

“That’s big talk coming from you. The only thing you got going for you is you trailing after Four like a puppy. What hoping if you follow him long enough maybe impress him enough he’ll fuck you? You aren’t desirable, not by a long shot. Now, since you want to run your mouth. Get in the ring.” He said that wicked smile suddenly crossed his face. You swallowed looking back at four who looked impressed at your guts but also incredibly wary of what was about to happen. “Now y/n! When I tell you to do something I expect you to fucking listen. Or do you only listen to your owner?” He said, pulling his vest off and dumping it ring side. For a second you were stunned, his tank top leaving very little to the imagination. “Let's see how smart you are after I get my hands on you.” He snarled, piercing your soul with his icy gaze. You had to fight him. This wasn’t gonna end well.

Walking into the ring you could feel anxiety fill your stomach. You’ve seen Eric kill someone bare handed. Why did you have to go and open your big mouth? Shrugging off your coat you stepped into the ring. Before he even said anything you were already in stance you knew him well enough he never gave warning. Sure enough he came at you. You narrowly dodged his fist only to be caught by his knee. Wincing you spun yourself swinging your foot to roundhouse kick however you were too slow catching your foot, he swung his right leg catching your left ankle and dropping you. As he advanced, you used both feet and launched him back as hard as you could, stumbling he landed stomach first on the ground. “Now’s my chance” you thought moving fast you pinned his legs preparing to aim for the back of his head.

“Not so fast fat ass.” Suddenly you felt his feet come up and in a blur he flipped your positions. You laid flat on your stomach Eric pushing against your back with his hand wrapped around your throat. “I’m stronger AND faster than you are. Just know I could kill you. I’m not four I won’t have pity on your sorry ass.” He whispered his nose brushing against your ear breath fanning the back of your neck. You could feel the hairs on your neck stand up. Squirming trying to free yourself you suddenly froze when he dropped more of his weight on you and you suddenly realized just how you were laying under him. You could feel his entire groin press against your ass. “Now. Listen and listen well.” He whispered. Nodding subtly to show you understood, but avoiding detection by the surrounding crowd he continued “my quarters. Tonight. Midnight. Got that? Maybe you’ll finally learn respect after I’m done with you.” He growled out still in a whisper. You nodded again before feeling his weight lift. Shakely you stood up, four next to you in an instant staring at Eric.

“What the fuck was that Eric?!” Four snapped, helping you steady yourself, checking your throat and the rest of you. The look of anger on fours face wasn’t one you saw often.

“Just reminding fatty of her place. Maybe now she will remember it before she gets mouthy with me again. You should learn to control your PET better.” He shrugs, emphasizing the word pet, turning and walking away as he pulled his vest back on. You watched as his muscles flexed. He could have snapped your neck had he’d chosen too. So, why didn’t he? What was he playing at? Was this some sick game?

“What did he say to you? I saw his lips move some.” Four asked, staring you in the eyes. He could tell by the look on your face it was nothing good.

“He was reminding me how easily he could kill me and that he wouldn’t lose an ounce of sleep over my death. Said next time it won’t be a fight he’ll just shove me off the second level into the pit.” You lied. “M’fine Four.” Turning and leaving. Heading to your room took about five minutes. Eventually arriving you scanned your card entering your room.

“What the actual fuck does he want me at his quarters for!?” You thought aloud. Collapsing on your bed you stared at the ceiling a million thoughts flowing through your mind. Slowly you fell into a slumber after a couple hours.

~dream~

You stood in the middle of the ring. Looking around you were completely alone. Suddenly you felt a piercing stare. Standing stalk still you didn’t dare turn. Holding your breath you could hear his foot fall. Closing your eyes you didn’t want to see him. Working hard to keep your breathing steady you could feel his gaze shifting. He was circling you like a hunter circles his prey.

“Look at you. All bare for me. Are you always such an easy slut? What would four say if he saw his little pet naked for me and not him?” He said right behind you. Gasping, you went to move only to feel something yank you to the ground. Knees collided painfully into the cement.

“A slut can’t be a virgin. I’m still a virgin and I’m no one’s pet.” You say back hearing him prowling again.

“Are you really? Not surprising you’re not exactly pretty, and here I thought four had already fucked you and that’s why you trailed after him.” He says. You realize he’s right behind you again. Desperately you tried to move away but you were stuck to the floor. “But, you don’t have to have a pretty face to get your throat fucked, your pussy eaten, or that same pussy stuffed with my cock. At least I’ll have the balls to do what he won’t.” He said grinning as a shiver ran down your spine. Whining low in your throat you felt him tangle his hands into your hair. “Open your eyes bitch.”

~end dream~

Your eyes suddenly snap open sitting up with a gasp you peer at your alarm clock 11:45 pm.

“SHIT!” You yelled as you tossed on a tank top and shorts grabbing your coat. You run from your room sliding your coat on as you sprint down the halls 10 minutes later you arrive outside of Eric’s door. Bending over you fight to steady your breath. “Time to face whatever sick game he has in store for me.” You say softly. Raising your hand you knock three times when suddenly the door slides open.

“I’m prepared to ta-“ suddenly you take in what’s in front of you. A very wet and very naked Eric. Eyes raking his form. From his hair that was currently tied up. down to his shoulders and chest, your eyes taking in the black ink on his throat, you watched as water droplets rolled down his throat, pecs, arms, and down to the towel that hung loosely on his hips. Dear god did he smell incredible. Even more so he looked incredible.

“Are you done gaping at me? You’re acting like you’ve never seen a naked man before. I know I’m more impressive looking than four but seriously.” He said, turning to walk back into his quarters. Standing in the doorway awkwardly you watched as he moved about his muscles flexing on his back.

“Hey dumb ass are you going to keep standing there or are you going to come in? I didn’t tell you to come here just so you could see me after I showered.” He said a cocky edge to his deep voice.

“Oh sorry I just didn’t know if you actually wanted me to follow. I’m already in deep shit with you.” You said stepping inside as the door shut. You’d never been to a leaders room. Not even fours. You were friends ya but not that close of friends.

“Go take a shower. Now. You smell like four. Your sweat smell doesn’t bother me in fact it’s quite hot knowing you sprinted here desperate to see me, but his smell does. I’ll never understand why you are always so close to him. You always smell like him, it’s disgusting.” He said, watching your face ignite crimson at the realization that he knew you’d run across the compound to get here; however what he just told you to do was far more humiliating.

“I’m sorry, what did you just say?!” You blurted out. Staring at him, shock and annoyance clear on your beautiful face.

“Are you deaf or just stupid? I said, go. Take. A. Shower. NOW.” He punctuated each word. God he loved seeing you riled up and flustered. It’s why he watched you in training so he’d have plenty of images to get off too.

“M’not stupid ass hat. And I don’t have any of my shower stuff so what do you expect me to use to get his scent off of me? Besides that, how do you know I smell like Four? What. Are you jealous that I don't smell like you instead? Wish I followed you around like a lost puppy as you like to call me?” You asked, hands on your hips. You know copping an attitude with him was the wrong move but after being pinned to the ground with his dick pressing into your ass, and then the dream you were on your last thread of patients with the man in front of you.

“I know what you use, your scent is pretty strong first thing in the morning especially right after you get yourself off. All of your shower stuff is in there. Towels on the counter. Hurry up. I’m not a patient man.” He spoke ignoring the last half of your statement. Truth was, he was jealous. Jealous of the attention you gave to Four. Angry that his scent wasn’t on you, but four’s was, it was disgusting. “I will move you myself y/n if you don’t move your ass. And you won’t like me doing it. Or maybe.” He said approaching you, your back colliding with the door. “Pretty little brats like you prefer it rough. Prefer to be broken by a man, broken till you’re begging.” He whispered in your ear. Shuttering you ducked under his arm and almost ran for the bathroom. If only to put space between you and Eric.

Locking the door you stared into the mirror. “Pretty. Little. Brat?” You asked softly. “Me?” Slowly you dropped your coat to the floor. Slipping your shorts, tank top, and underclothes off you slipped under the warm spray of the shower. Washing up your mind drifted back to the very naked Eric in the other room. The feeling of arousal hit you like a freight train.

Stepping out of the shower you began drying off. You kept your back to the mirror not wanting to see your own reflection. Honestly you hated how you looked.

“Don’t bother getting dressed y/n not like you could anyways, since you know, I have your clothes. Your panties smell amazing, never realized I made you so wet.” You heard him say an edge of smugness to his voice. Your eyes widen as a horrifying realization crosses your mind. He stole your clothes. “GIVE ME MY FUCKING CLOTHES RIGHT NOW YOU PERVERSE PSYCHO!!!” you screamed. Now you were pissed.

“Come get them.” He said flatly. He wanted to see you. See your beautiful chubby body. See how you looked completely naked. You always looked so good in your training clothes. Tight leggings and a T-shirt. Your casual clothes looked just as good.

“No.” You snapped back. You couldn’t stomach the idea of him seeing you naked. He looked like, like a fucking god. The muscles, the black ink in his beautiful skin, the metal that pierced his flesh. Those icy blue eyes of his that made your heart pound. He was absolutely breathtaking to you. Ya four was impressive, but Eric is who made adrenaline and arousal flood your veins.

“I already saw you naked once when I grabbed your clothes.” He sounded absolutely and entirely too smug about that. “Now. Either get out here willingly or I’ll open the door and drag you out. On second thought.” You heard him approaching the door. Desperate you scrambled into a corner of the bathroom. “Come here. Your final initiation is happening now. I’m also gonna show you exactly what I have below the belt since you want to know so bad.” Grabbing your hair he pulls you up pinning you to the bathroom wall. “Are you ready?” He asks cold eyes staring deep into you. That wicked grin on his face. You were in danger and you knew it.

“No. I’m not. Because I’m not sleeping with you now, give me my fucking clothes.” You say trying to push him away desperately ignoring his bare skin against your hands. You swung for his face only for him to catch one of your hands kissing your pulse. Your heart nearly stopped at that. His hands were scarred, a reminder of just how violent he was. You stared as he lay his face against your palm. You’d never seen Eric like this.

“No. I don’t think I will. You still need to be punished for your smart mouth comment. Besides I'm curious what it is that makes you so fucking aroused that you have to cum almost every morning before coming to breakfast. You think I can't smell it? Ever wondered why I ALWAYS walk behind you in the dining area?” He said suddenly standing up to his full height and dragging you by your wrist he yanks you from the bathroom. As he pushes you towards his bed he manages to grab the back of the towel you wore. Shrieking, you covered yourself.

“Eric I’m not sleeping with you now stop and like hell would I tell you what I do in the morning. You're just hoping I say it's you fucking me in the middle of practice area, or you gripping my hair as you fuck me right on the edge of the pit.” You said voice quivering. You were scared. You may be dauntless but that doesn’t mean there wasn’t some fear there still. You feared several things. This. This was one of them. You also realized about a minute to late what you'd just revealed to him.

“I thought dauntless were supposed to be fearless in the face of danger? Or is your “bravery” a lie? You barely survived training.” Eric said taking in your plush form. You were hot. There was no question about it. He’d rigged your results to ensure you survived. He wanted you. One way or the other he was going to have you. “Want to know why you survived training and weren’t forced to become factionless?” He asked, grabbing your ankle and yanking. “Because I fixed the results.” He said an inch from your flushed face. “Now you owe me y/n and maybe just maybe I'll make those dreams of yours a reality.” He added as an after thought.

“I don’t owe you shit. I didn’t ask you to do that. That’s on you not me.” A whine left your throat as his fingers suddenly slid between your folds and the images of those dreams flooded your mind.

“Well fuck. You’re absolutely drenched. You really are a slut aren’t you.” Eric said, grinning at you as he watched his fingers rub your clit. He watched you squirm. Fuck he loved watching you like this.

“M’not. Sluts aren’t virgins.” You say your face dusting crimson as you turn your head away from him. “I’ve never seen a man naked. I’ve never kissed a man. I’ve never slept with a man. Never had a chance, I’m not exactly a man's first choice to take to bed.” You admitted shame swelling as tears lined your lashes.

“What did you just say?” He asked, pulling you into a sitting position. “You’re a virgin? You mean, he's never? You've never, with anyone?” For the first time ever you saw something other than cruel sadistic intent in his eyes. You saw shock. He couldn’t believe it. No man had ever had you before. He couldn’t understand why no man had claimed you. But he absolutely wasn’t about to complain.

Nodding you stand up. “Can I leave now? No one has ever wanted me. And I’m sure you don’t actually want me. You just want stress relief.” You say gathering your clothes. Suddenly you feel an arm around your middle and hard muscle against your back.

“Who said I didn’t want you? Do you not see me watching you? Do you not see the annoyance when four touches you? When you’re eating with your friends and one of the guys touches you? Or how you seemingly run into me constantly all over the compound? You think that shits by accident? Are you really that stupid?” He said, running his hands over your side. You suppressed a whine. Forcing your breathing to stay even, you did everything not to lean back into him.

“I thought you were just being a sadistic psycho who got off on playing mind games. I thought you followed me to cause anxiety.” You mumbled as you felt his hand on your throat. A whine left your throat as he pulled you back applying more pressure to your throat.

“I am sadistic. I am psycho. And you make me more of a sadistic psycho. It takes every ounce of my restraint not to beat the shit out of people who touch you. It’s taking everything in me not to make you bleed as I fuck you into my mattress or on the floor or tied to the bed. I want to eat and stuff that fat little cunt of yours till the whole compound hears you and knows who actually owns you.” He growled as he gently rolled his hips.

“Do you know how many times I’ve cum thinking of you tied up and choking on my cock. Or me absolutely destroying you in the middle of the practice room in front of everyone just so people understand you’re not available for anything. I've had the same dreams you have.” he whispered, brushing the hair away from your face and neck. The towel felt soft against your bare skin. You'd never say it aloud but you wanted him.

“How will you make me bleed? Where do you plan to make me bleed?” You moan out as his hardening cock presses against your ass. You could feel your pussy throbbing, clenching around absolutely nothing. “You’ve. You’ve really cum to the thought of me? Why?” You asked

“Knives, ropes, my belt, my nails and most importantly my teeth. Why? Because you’re absolutely beautiful, and accept it or don’t but you are mine now. Your virginity is going to be mine. I’m sorry, but I can’t imagine letting another man take that.” Emphasizing the last part as he ran his teeth against your neck.

Your resolve began to slip. You always said you’d never give in to him or his bull shit claims of wanting you. That you wouldn’t just sleep with just anyone the first time. A violent moan was suddenly pulled out of you as Eric slid his fingers between your thighs again.

“Please. I need you. I’ll give you anything, be your everything. Please. Just give me you in return. I’ll give you every side and part of me.” He moaned out. “I’ll stop if you ask, just know I do want you.” He said as he began rubbing his fingers in a circle over your clit. “I promise I’ll make it worth it.”

“Eric. I-I want you. More. I’m sorry for what I said.” You whimpered out as your knees nearly gave, catching you he guided you to his bed.

“On your back legs spread for me.” He said, tugging the towel from his waist. You refused to look. You were scared to look. Suddenly you felt Eric’s tongue against your thighs. Resisting the urge to close your legs you gripped the sheets. Without so much as a warning he sank his teeth into your thigh. Crimson spilled from the bite. A high pitched whine tore from your throat. Turning his head he sank his teeth into the other thigh, smiling as he heard the whine leave you again, you were a masochist. Just his style.

“Please Eric. Need it. Need you. Want you. Please.” You pleaded. Eric had never seen you so needy and beautiful. Deciding he couldn’t wait much longer he dove into your pussy grabbing your thighs to keep them open as he kissed and licked at your clit, he slid his finger into you. Your teeth were clenched. You’d never experienced this and fuck did it feel incredible. Suddenly a second finger was inserted and curled up. A loud moan came out of you.

“Fuck so good. So fucking incredible please Eric please make me cum need it bad.” You whined fingers tangling in his dark hair.

“You want to cum sweet girl? You want to cum for your master?” Eric asked as he continued to abuse your gspot. “You’re so needy. So desperate. I’m gonna remember this for the rest of my life. You’re begging and pleading, desperate to cum. I’m gonna enjoy reminding you that it was ME who did this to you.” He watched your face. Pupils' blown, face drenched in sweat, hair scattered, and an absolutely blissed out look on your beautiful features. “I’m gonna make you do something much better than cum my sweet pet.” He growled as he went back to desperately licking and sucking your clit as he kept constant stimulation to your gspot. Suddenly without so much as a warning your body seized, legs clamped shut as Eric pulled his head back at the last second, pleasure crashed over your body like a tsunami as your back arched and fluid gushed everywhere. You watched as it ran down Eric’s arm and palm as he continued to fuck you with his fingers.

You called his name like a mantra. You’d never felt such pleasure in your life. Suddenly looking down at his arm and the mess below you sheer humiliation set in. Eyes brimming with tears you began an onslaught of apologies. “Eric I’m so sorry I don’t know what happened I didn’t realize I had to pee. I'm so sorry please don’t be angry I’ll get thi-“ suddenly you were shut up when Eric pressed his palm over your mouth.

“It’s called squirting princess. It happens. Don’t worry it’s not piss. Actually M’not sure what the fluid is.” He said. Slowly he stood from the bed you watched your cheeks flaming his bare ass was on full display as he walked across the room to his desk. Reaching underneath he pulled a secret compartment from underneath it. It was a tray of knives, a bundle of what looked like nylon rope, as he turned around you shut your eyes tightly, too scared to see what he was working with. You didn’t want to see what was sure to be just as big as the rest of his body.

“Open your eyes kitten. I want you to look at me. Take me in. Understand and memorize what your master looks like y/n. When you close your eyes I want you to remember exactly what I look like. I want you to look at me while you’re training and drench your panties because all you see is me naked. When you’re talking to him I want you to have to fight to keep control as I stare at you.” He commanded. His authority was one of the hottest things on the planet but now that you’d calmed some you were ready to test the limits and his patience with you. You knew you were playing with fire but you weren’t gonna make this easy on him.

“No.” You started simply, turning your head and keeping your eyes shut. “I don’t want to. And you can’t make me.” You said as you crossed your arms.

“I'll give you till the count of 3. Your bratty ass better have them open. Girls like you are the most fun to break. And believe me I will break you and mold you into my sweet little docile kitten.” He said. You let out a “hmph” in absolute defiance you told yourself don't give in, you wanted to see what he'd do if you continued to act like a total brat as he called you.

“1.” He said you could hear him moving, you focused trying to figure out what he's doing. You could hear rope against wood. Dear god. You could hear him tying something.

“2.” Clanking of metal. The knives. Oh fuck he has knives you'd seen them. You could hear him picking them up and running them along something. ‘Sharpening them?’ You thought. Questioning your sanity as you sat defiant.

“3.” You heard him growl out “you defiant little brat. You really love being in trouble with me don’t you?” He snarled, running his hand over your throat. Without warning you were slammed backwards. Gasping in surprise you found him yanking your hands up his strength unmatched by you. Quickly he bound your hands, ‘damn it he's good’ you thought.

“I fucking warned you. You’re gonna find out what happens when brats don’t fucking listen.” He seethed. Suddenly he ran a blade over your wrist just enough to slice it but not enough to kill you. “I'd open your eyes if I was you, I'm sure you want to watch what's about to happen. I want you to watch me make you bleed.” Taking a deep breath you opened your beautiful eyes as they glistened with unshed tears. Slowly he repeated his earlier actions with your other wrist. “I want to see you cry.” He started, watching you. You could feel your breathing speeding up some. Tugging you looked up seeing your wrists bound to his head board in intricate knots. “You really are talented.” You whispered softly.

“Down here kitten.” He rasped out. You’d never heard Eric talk like this. But little did you know, you were the only one who had ever heard it. Slowly you tilted your head down towards him. There he was in all his glory kneeling before you Completely naked. Dick heavy and hard just waiting to stuff you absolutely full. You scanned him drinking in every single detail on his body. He was absolutely beautiful, a power house of muscle. It was at this moment you realized something. He was absolutely built to dominate in every thing he did including dominating his partner. He was going to absolutely tame you. Even worse, you realized he was built to kill.

“Good girl. Now. Let’s see how much you can take. See how long before you beg me.” He all but growled out. Suddenly there was a burning sensation on your leg. Wincing you watched him run the blade down your leg, small beads of blood forming. “Look at my sweet little kitten bleeding for me.” He mused as he moved to the side of his bed, only to press the blade against your plush belly, cutting a vertical line down towards your absolutely throbbing cunt. Who would have thought you'd be so aroused by blades and blood. You felt the blade dig into your plush thigh. A whine left your throat.

Moaning out, you bite your tongue, you refused to give him the satisfaction of submitting. A sadistic smirk crossed his face as he dug the blade into the valley between your breasts. This cut was deeper. Your back arched towards his blade. “Well, would you look at that? So desperate to be cut your arching for it.” He quipped with a gruff laugh.

“Fuck you.” You shot back, fighting desperately to keep your composure. It was slipping. Fast but you weren’t going down without a fight. You saw your opportunity when he reached to stroke your hair. In a flash you sank your teeth into his hand.

“You little bitch!” He snarled. Before you could think he yanked his hand free, and suddenly you were flipped. Wrists crossed blood dripping onto his bedding. You watched the blood drip down your breasts. Your entire back and ass are now on display for him. “Let’s see how well you take this.” You watched from your peripheral as he grabbed a smaller knife almost like a scalpel. “Just so you NEVER forget who wrecked your innocence. So you never forget who you belong to, who LOVES you.” You froze. Your ears had to be lying to you.

“W-what did you just say?” You struggled to get out. This had to be a sick nightmare created by your mind. This absolutely couldn’t be reality. Eric, he wasn’t capable of love. Murder maybe but definitely not loving another human being.

“I said. I love you.” He repeated, you looked shocked. Turning your head, you stared at him. “Shocking, I know. Big bad Eric is capable of human emotion. But I do genuinely love and care about you.” Without another word he dug the scalpel like knife into your flesh. You screamed out. It hurt, it burned, it was agony. Deep down though it lit a blazing fire in you. You needed the pain. It made this so much more real. The pain didn’t stop for several minutes. You wanted to know what was carved into your back. Suddenly you jolted. He’d slapped your ass. Whining loudly you pushed your ass back.

“Please.” Was all that fell from your parted lips. You’d lost. Your resolve was gone. He won. That fire that had been sparked now blazed like a raging wildfire. All you wanted was the pain. The pleasure. All of it. You needed Eric. You Loved this monster above you. A sick twisted part of you knew you’d always loved the controlling, sadistic psychopath.

“Who would have thought little miss mouthy would be such a little masochist.” He bit out as he watched you bleed. Grabbing your hips he flipped you to your back again. You winced when your right shoulder blade collided with the fabric of his blankets. You watched with wide eyes as he raised the blade to his mouth effectively licking your blood off of it.

“Why don’t you get a taste of my blood? Yours is absolutely intoxicating knowing it comes from your veins.” To your horror and surprise you nodded unconsciously watching as he licked the sharp blade and watched as he slid it straight down across his lip. You watched the blood drip down his chin desperate to taste it. You whined. Actually whined for him. Slowly he leaned in lips a mere millimeter from yours. Darting your tongue out you licked the blood from his bottom lip. Fuck he’s right. It’s intoxicating. Suddenly you looked into his eyes.

“Kiss me.” You pleaded. You two during all of this never actually kissed each other. He stared at you with a look of shock on his face. “You know what never-“ suddenly he had the back of your head and was kissing you. A whimper left your throat as he dragged the tip of the blade down your side. Slowly he pulled back smiling as you licked his blood off your lips. “What a messy first kiss master. You taste amazing.” You stared doe eyed at Eric. A look of absolute euphoria crossed his face. He’d somehow got you. He didn’t understand how, but you went from an absolute brat who refused to listen in the slightest, to a submissive little masochist who seemed to want nothing more than to please him. He didn’t get it but fuck did he love it.

“I’m gonna mark your pretty skin up to make sure everyone understands who owns you. Is that okay kitten?” He asked, stroking your face.

Nuzzling into his warm large hand, laying kisses to it you whispered “can I have my hands? I want to show you where. I promise to be good” he reached up, releasing one hand. “I want the letter E right here. It’ll be just visible for everyone to see without causing panic.” You said pointing to a spot just about 2 inches below your collar bone just above your breasts.

“Is that so, my little masochistic kitty cat?” He said before pulling your arm back up to be bound. You nodded at him and watched him grab the smaller blade again. “Look at you my sweet sweet kitten. Look at you wanting to be sliced up. You must really like me.” He said as he set to work carving the E into your beautiful skin. “After this I’m going to absolutely wreck you.” He said. After five minutes of your whines and moans he finished. “Now that’s a work of art. He groaned out seeing the mark on you. “Are you ready? Do you want me to make you cum again first?” you nodded desperate for the pleasure after the pain. You were nearly on the edge after all of this.

“Do you love me?” He suddenly asked. You stared confused. Did he not understand that you in fact did love him? You were letting him slice your skin open for fucks sake. “Do you love me y/n?” He asked, sounding annoyed. You nodded your head blushing. “Say it. I want to hear the words.”

“I love you Eric.” You whispered. He smiled moving down your body. You watched as he began to eat you out again.

“Fuck m’close already.” You moaned desperately. Without warning you came, your legs snapping shut on Eric’s head. you were clearly at that edge already it took barely 2 minutes, slowly you released his head from your thighs.

You watched Eric sit up pulling his hair down and running his hands through it. “I’m gonna release your hands, kitten. I expect you to put them to good use. Unless you’d rather dig a blade into my body.” He offered, gesturing to the small display-like box containing multiple types of blades. “Either way mark me as you see fit.” He whispers as he moves between your spread thighs. Staring into those icy blue eyes of his, you groaned as he pushed in. It hurt dear fucking god did it hurt. Grabbing the small blade next to you, gently you ran it from shoulder to shoulder. It was sharp because shortly after blood dripped down his sides. Without a second thought you ran your fingers through the blood as you dropped the blade. Staring right at Eric you did something you never thought you would. You slid your blood covered fingers into your mouth, lapping at his blood. He groaned loudly, the display beyond erotic.

“H-hurts. Fuck!” Throwing your head back you let out a loud moan, a sudden movement of his hips had him bottomed out, grinning at the look of agony on your beautiful features. Your tears were so fucking beautiful. Reaching up you pulled him into a heated kiss of tongues and biting, the taste of you and blood mixed on your tongue. As he began rolling his hips you raked your nails over his back pulling back from the kiss you pulled him closer sinking your teeth deep into his shoulder, you could taste his blood. You made sure to suck on the spot to leave a good deep bruise. The moan he let out was so animalistic you almost didn’t believe it was him.

“E-Eric m’gonna cum again. Please. Fuck Eric” you whined when Eric pulled out suddenly, but let out a yell as he flipped you over and slammed into you from behind. Reaching between your plush thighs he furiously rubbed at your swollen clit desperate to make you cum again before he did but it was gonna be close. You were so beautiful like this. Reaching down he yanked your head up by your hair.

“Who do you belong to? Tell me. Tell me who made you bleed, who took every ounce of purity out of your beautiful chubby body, who will be the only man to ever be in this tight little cunt of yours.” He demanded pulling harder at your hair.

“You master. You only ever you.” You moaned out your orgasm right there in front of you.

“What’s my fucking name?” He snarled, angling his hips just right and nailing your gspot.

“ERIC ERIC ERIC ERIC” His name, like a prayer falling from your lips as you fell off that cliff into blissful oblivion.

“Fuck y/n where do you want your first load of cum?” He asked, his hips were losing rhythm.

“Inside. Please stay inside.” With a final moan from both of you he slammed you back against his hips, absolutely filling you, a moan of relief leaving his lips.

“Fuck. I didn’t think I was gonna have that much patience.” Slowly he pulled out seeing blood from you and cum from both of you on his dick. “Are you okay y/n?” He stood from the bed grabbing all the used knife’s. “I'm gonna clean these up. Really quick. Your clean clothes are in my dresser over there.” He said nonchalant.

“Why do you have my clothes Eric? Also wait. Just a second.” You said, a look of suspicion written on your face. Slowly you approached him grabbing a knife. He watched as you sank it into his flesh. Hissing he watched you carve your name into the left side of his chest.

“I got into the bathroom without you seeing me right? You don’t think I can do it while you sleep? I have an override card to get into any room if I need to. I took them last week. I had every intention of coming after you so I slipped in, grabbed them, and slipped out.” He shrugged as he turned back into the bathroom.

“You broke into my room?!” You asked, indignation in your face.

“Not breaking in babe simply didn’t tell you.” He smirked watching your face flush at the word “babe”. “After me cutting you, eating you out twice, making you cum 3 times, carving my initial into your skin, went balls deep and came in you, THATS WHAT MAKE’S YOU BLUSH?! CALLING YOU BABE?!” He laughed, it was a genuine laugh not that cold evil laugh but a genuine laugh.

“Not telling me is breaking into my room Eric.” You said pointedly avoiding the last half of his statement. You watched as he walked into the bathroom staring into the mirror.

“Hey what do you think babe? You like it? felt it was only fair.” He stepped out revealing a y/i carved into his right pectoral muscle.

“You didn’t have to do that Eric.” You said embarrassed as you watched him clean the cut. “So can I ask you something?” You heard the water turn on and him cleaning his knives.

“What?” He asked a stoic edge back in his voice.

“Uhm. Well. Why? And what is all-“ you fumbled over your words, desperate to get them out correctly.

“Well. Simple you’re my property. I own you. You own me. Simple as that. You aren’t a one night stand that’s for damn sure. And to answer your first question because I wanted to. Simple as that. Saw you when you became part of dauntless. Watched you turn your back and fall back into the net not even caring. You’re absolutely fearless. You’re tough as hell and mean as fuck. The comment about me being dickless bruised my ego.” He admitted with a chuckle.

“So it’s because I’m mean and not because you find me attractive?” You ask feeling self conscious. He reached his hand for you to take. Hesitating you slowly reached out taking it. He pulled you against his bare body kissing you. He pulled you so your back was in the mirror. You watched as he held up a mirror so you could see what was cut into your back. He’d carved his name into your back.

“Didn’t think I had to include that you're drop dead gorgeous.” He shrugged simply. “You’ve seen my strength. I like showing off to my partner that I can still manhandle her.” He said leaning on the doorway as you stood still taking in his name on your flesh. Your legs still shook some. “You look like a newborn deer babe. Did you get more than you bargained for when you challenged what was below my belt?” He watched with that wicked grin of his.

“I need a shower. I don’t want these cuts infected plus the dry blood is going to end up everywhere. Plus it’s itchy.” You said leaning into his large form.

“We can shower together. You tore up my back.” He said turning around.

“Holy fuck I’m sorry babe.” You said the word feeling unfamiliar on your lips.

“S’fine why apologize? I told you ‘you better put your hands to good use.’ I literally told you to.” He laughed. After a quick shower Eric helped you into his bed after he changed the bedding. “You can barely walk around in here, you really think I'm gonna let you stumble back to your room? No.” Any other protest died in your throat as he held you tight. Inhaling deep, your nose filled with his cologne slowly you feel asleep around 330 am.

The alarm started screaming 630 am on the dot. Groaning you rolled over only to be met with Eric's blue eyes. “Good morning, beautiful.” He said, his morning voice, the sexiest thing you'd ever heard.

“So last night wasn't a dream? I'm actually your girlfriend? And we actually had sex?” Looking down you saw your initial and name carved into his flesh.. Glancing down to your chest you saw the capital E freshly in your skin.

“No, yes, yes.” He said smiling before kissing your lips. “Just know I won't go easy on you. Just cause you already made it doesn't mean you're done. You still have two weeks. So get dressed, go eat, and I'll see you at training okay baby?” Smiling, you kissed him one last time, complying with his orders.

“Baby. Do you have something I can cover these with? It's right in the path of my bra straps.” You motioned to the E and pointed to your back and held your wrists up.

“Ya come here. Move your straps.” He said his hair falling forward as he covered the cuts with gauze. “Shoulda remembered your bra strap, and should have moved it over before I did it.” he said a twinge of guilt in his voice.

“That guilt I hear in the mighty Eric's voice?” You teased pulling your shoes on adjusting your shorts.

“Only for you. Get going. Four normally gets here at 7:30 you can't be seen here. I don't feel like fighting right now.” He said stealing a last kiss and tossing you your coat. “I love you babe.” You froze.

“I love you too Eric.” You said turning pink, quickly you exited jogging to grab breakfast, while pulling on your coat you noticed something. It fits differently. Pulling the collar to your nose you realized why. Grinning you inhaled the cologne. “You bastard.” You said grinning as you grabbed a plate of food and sat with your friends.

“Where the hell were you?” Tris asked worry evident.

“Eric demanded to see me to rip me a new one over my comment yesterday. Put me through hell over it.” You made sure your sleeves were pulled over your wrists.

“I'll do it again to initiate. Don't fucking cross me.” You heard his icy voice behind you. Swinging around you gave him your typical unimpressed look.

“Get fucked Eric.” You said, irritated.

“You wish.” He said walking away. Rolling your eyes, you turned around continuing to eat. Covertly watching your lover from across the room.

“Alright initiates. Let's get to the training area. Move it. Come on what, too sore? You'll never survive dauntless if you can't handle pain. Weak is what you all are.” Eric's voice cut across the chatter. Quickly everyone headed for the training area.

~several hours into training~

“Fuck it's hot.” You muttered as you continued running. When you all finally came to a halt you pulled your coat and long sleeve off.

“Y/n what the fuck is up with all the bandages?” Four grabbed you staring at the gauze that was saturated with some blood. “When the hell did you get injured?! Why didn't you fucking report it?! You shouldn't be out here.” Four demanded anger evident in his voice as well as concern. He looked you over, seeing your wrists. “WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO YOU?!” He spun you around seeing the gauze on your back.

“She did report it. To me. Is that a fucking problem?” Eric said walking between you two knocking fours hand off of your shoulders.

“Well what the fuck happened?!” Four asked voice raising. “How did this happen y/n?!” His arms crossed. You stood trying to think of a lie, you didn't want to tell him the truth because you didn't know if Eric would be okay with your relationship being public.

“I did.” Eric said pure venom in his voice as he blocked Four from reaching for you again. “Show him y/n. Show him what they are.” He said with a smug look to his face.

“What? Are you sure?” You asked shock written across your face as Four looked between the two of you.

“Eric. What did you do to her?” He asked through gritted teeth. By now all the trainees had gathered around to see what was going on.

“Show him y/n. Go ahead. He’ll find out eventually you aren't exactly quiet. I'll help, come here.” He said as he turned and you walked forward. He pushed your tank top and bra strap away, carefully he removed the gauze revealing the E to everyone. “Turn around.” He demanded. Slowly you turned around and winced as he removed the gauze off your shoulder.

“ERIC WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER?! WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!” Four bellowed, absolutely enraged.

Standing between four and Eric you yanked Eric’s shirt up revealing the initial and name carved into his chest. You could hear gasps from the others , a look of shock and rage crossed fours face as he stared.

“It was consensual. He didn't force me. I chose this. Just like I chose him.” You said shoving four back adrenaline pumping.

“Ya. She chose me Four. Not you, not any of you weak losers, me. She may have followed you like a puppy but I showed what a man and master are. Too bad you didn’t didn’t think to take advantage. She WAS a virgin and she tastes incredible. Too bad she’s mine now. Guess she wanted an actual man.” Eric said, pulling you back from four with an arrogant grin as he wrapped his arm around your waist keeping you close. “Get back to training what the fuck do you think you're all doing?” Eric yelled. “I brought extra in case that happened. Here go patch yourself up.” He said handing you the small container. Walking away you quickly cleaned the E covering it and taping down the gauze. You had more trouble with the Eric carved into your back. Tris ended up helping you, voicing her concerns but you ignored her.

“Have you lost your mind y/n?!” Four demanded Cristina in tow demanding the same.

“Fuck you Four. I chose Eric. That's what he told me yesterday. He told me to meet him in his room. Yes I went, yes we had sex, yes he carved the E into my chest and his name into my shoulder, AND YES HIM AND I ARE TOGETHER. NOW FUCK. OFF.” You finished screaming at him.

~3 years later~

You sat staring at the scene before you. Four was holding the gun to Eric's head. You watched him pull the trigger. You don't remember what happened you just remember grabbing the gun in your leg holster holding it to your head hearing people screaming at you. You couldn’t imagine living without your lover. The last three years flooded your mind. The love, sex, fights, make up, and the marriage. You stared at the ring on your finger. You refused to be in a world where he didn’t exist.

“I refuse to live without him. He was my everything. My friend, lover and my husband.” You said, taking a deep breath you pulled the trigger. Your body hit the floor, blood pooling around your head. You’d followed your lover just as you promised from the start. You’d follow him anywhere, even in death.

~after death~

“You look beautiful in white.” You heard a calm deep voice from behind you. Your white dress fluttered in the wind as you stood in the field as the sun set.

“Well you look good in your black” You turned, enveloping your lover in a tight embrace. Stepping back you saw the scar on your chest still visible as was his.

“I love you my beautiful angel.” He uttered. Stroking your face. You looked truly like an Angel to him. You truly would follow him even in death.

��I love you more my handsome devil.” Smiling, you kissed the love of your life as you both walked the Golden road together. This is how it would be forever. You and him.

Kind, gentle, loving, caring, sadistic, psychotic, and cold blooded. All words you’d use to describe Eric.

[7grandmel]

Todays rip: 15/07/2023

*** EVERYTHING IS FINE ***

Season 7 Featured on: SGFR Presents: Shovelware from Beyond the Deep!

Ripped by MtH, Moder112

Seven years removed from it, there's an undeniable magic to the first Season of SiIvaGunner. Setting nostalgia aside, I think the best way to describe Season 1 in particular would be...chaotic? It was a time before the channel had much of any quality standard, where any little idea could be tried just for the hell of it, and where a lot of rippers pursued individual passion projects disconnected from the main direction of the channel. I've covered one of those on this blog already - Collision Chaos Good Future JP [CD Beta Mix] - but today, we're taking a look at the legacy of a certain Barbie game's music on the channel.

Late in Season 1, during the channel's normal procedures, a peculiar figure named Mr Rental began showing up in rips of his own made-up game. Dissecting that entire storyline isn't really relevant for where we're going today: All that needs to be established is that the Mr. Rental rips were effectively ms-paint cartoon episodes about the titular character's absurd and often violent tendencies. In one episode in particular, Mr. Rental declared a mission statement to "ban all mashups", and thus began to show up suddenly in otherwise innocuous rips. What this translated to in-universe was Mr Rental being a full-on serial killer.

Which transitions us to the Season 1 rip, Intro Title / Minigame Theme - Barbie Horse Adventures: Blue Ribbon Race, a rip with barely any music, and no album release. In truth, its not really trying to be a rip, once again playing to the chaotic nature of the Season I described before. The Barbie game in question is infamous for its title screen music being strangely eerie for the type of game its in, which this rip runs with - it plays the music to unsettlingly uneven camera footage of a CRT with the game's boxart, which slowly distorts Barbie's face before smash-cutting to a US Emergency Alert screen. In the midst of the channel's normal upload schedule, viewers got to see full-on analogue horror, as the majority of the video uses the Emergency Alert to inform viewers of a serial killer running loose in the SiIvaGunner universe - Mr Rental. As the rip ends, the words "EVERYTHING IS FINE" ominously flash before some ARG clues flash.

The storyline would eventually end, and this rip in particular never quite amounted to much in the end beyond scaring the shit out of unsuspecting fans. Yet those fans - like myself - were never able to forget it. It would appear that the team didn't forget, either: In both Season 3 and Season 4 Episode 1, the original rip would be referenced with remixes of the actual song, and now finally in Season 7 we have todays rip. As part of SiIvaGunner Fusion Records, *** EVERYTHING IS FINE *** is an extremely high-level, genuine quality arrangement of the original song, finally leaning headfirst into the full on horror sound of it with utmost sincerity. Several more layers are added to the track as it goes on to give it a sense of escalation, and at parts it feels as if its transitioning into a fully new piece with the lead melody. The original track's short nature was used as a baseline to craft something even darker, even moodier...and best of all, its able to play on that Season 1 nostalgia to heighten those emotions althemore.

For as much content is put out on SiIvaGunner over the years, it never feels like any piece of it is forgotten. A rip like Intro Title / Minigame Theme - Barbie Horse Adventures: Blue Ribbon Race, despite its original storyarc having ended and sitting below 50K views, keeps getting these loving nudges, reminding us of just how long its been.

[mythandlaur]

Code: July Day 4 - AU

I don't think this one requires much extra explanation, except for the fact that, in my head, this doesn't actually solve nearly as many problems as one would expect, because fate's cruel and life's complicated and just because someone wants to help doesn't mean they're always good at it.

Also, I'm gonna come back around to the art swap prompt later because I'm going the in universe route and my current idea would require me to research French classic rock.

...

The first time Jim sees it, he very nearly chucks his attendance clipboard clean across the field in shock.

It happens while he's taking roll for the tenth-grade co-ed class, out on the track and field on an unusually warm spring day. He'd just been calling out names, idly letting his gaze run over the students present, when it had frozen him mid-list.

Annie Courtemanche. Day student, wanted to be a gymnast back since sixième but had recently changed her tune to wanting to become a dancer, even pushing for a club which he'd been all for signing off on.

He happens to glance over her when she thinks he isn't paying attention, and catches her staring at the ground with narrowed eyes. Her eyes are normally a very striking light green, so it's even more obvious that something is horribly wrong.

Jim can't see the sign they'd talked about from this distance, but it almost looks like her pupil has shrunk to a pinprick without an iris, the whites of her eyes almost too pure a white, flickering like television static.

"...Courtemanche?" he calls.

She raises her head and her eyes are normal again, just like that--Jim might've written it off as his imagination, but knowing what it actually meant, he couldn't possibly brush it off. It was too...eerie and wrong for him to have made it up, anyway.

"Here," she replies with all of her usual enthusiasm. She even sounds completely normal.

"Right..." Jim tries to ease up his sudden vice-grip on the clipboard. Good grief, it was like he was on the front line. He wonders where Class 4e-A is right now, but he can't recall their schedule off the top of his head. He'll just have to wing it.

It's an hour-long period, mostly devoted to stretches and stamina training. Courtemanche immediately falls over and complains that she'd torn something and had to go to the infirmary, despite being more than accustomed to these warmups.

(Belpois had tried that same trick not long ago, with really awful acting. Given he'd immediately asked Aelita to accompany him, Jim had simply assumed it was a pressing matter and had let him get away with it.

But Jim was on high alert for the students abusing his generosity, and upon seeing Belpois skulking back to his room in the middle of the day without so much as a limp, had confronted him about his "twisted ankle" healing up strangely fast.

It was meant to be mostly a joke, a prompt for him to explain what had actually happened, but Belpois had stared at Jim with a look of absolute confusion. Then, his eyes had widened and his expression turned absolutely stricken--he'd slammed his door in Jim's face without a word.

By the time Jim got back to his room, he'd received a painfully clinical e-mail describing the situation, and he cursed himself because he'd already managed to fail these kids he'd decided he was going to try and protect as best he could.)

"Let me see it," Jim tells Courtemanche, jogging over. "I know a thing or two about this, myself."

Her face twists for half a second, but she dutifully holds out her leg, though jerks it back when he tries to feel her ankle. "Don't touch it! It hurts!"

("Victims seem to be altered down to the molecular level," the e-mail had said. "My theory is that they are, essentially, converted partially intro electomagnetic fields. We know they have very little mass, and apparently their skin does not feel like a human's at all.")

Jim plays stupid. "Looks just fine to me. Hey, if I didn't know better, I'd say you were trying to get out of class before we even got started!"

He chuckles heartily and ignores the other students' strange looks. He heads back to the other side of the field, and sure enough, Courtemanche gets up on her own a few seconds later. He feels her eyes--not her eyes--burning into the back of his head.

She tries the same sort of trick several more times throughout the period with increasing intensity--it's too hot, she feels sick to her stomach, she fell on the track. The real Courtemanche was physically healthy as a horse and refused to let anything stop her from training. It's hard to deflect all of her attempts, and he suspects some of the other students think he's being some kind of heartless tyrant denying help to a sick student. He can't afford to worry about that right now, he just has to keep her here for as long as he possibly can.

Eventually, the bell rings and he calls the period, the kids beginning to disperse. Courtemanche abruptly turns towards the school building.

"Courtemanche!" Jim calls out before he can think. Her shoulders visibly stiffen. He has to come up with the rest of the sentence on his feet. "I, uh, may I speak to you in private, briefly? Don't worry, you're not in trouble."

"But--I promised to meet someone at lunch...!"

Jim waves a hand dismissively. "I won't keep you long. Come on."

The other kids stare and mutter amongst each other, but after a few seconds of gawking, the clarion call of food wins out. The other kids walk away, and then it's just the two of them.

Come on, Jimbo, you've faced scarier than this.

Courtemanche shuffles up to him, rubbing her elbow with the opposite hand. "I don't know what this is about, but I really do need to go."

Now he has to come up with a reason to keep her talking. "Do you?"

"What?"

"Come on, walk with me."

She follows him to the track with very noticeable reluctance, but at least she is still following. Time for him to prove his mettle.

"Now, I understand that passions can come and go over time."

"...Huh?"

"Let me finish. You've been working real hard lately, and I respect that, it's one of those things that makes me think you're really gonna make it out there, you know? But I can't help but notice you seem to be falling off the proverbial horse, uh, so to speak. In athleticism as much as in creative pursuits, burnout is a real concern, especially coming out of the honeymoon phase of a new skill. You learn and train and make progress, and then you hit a wall, and you ask yourself do I really want to do this? You get tired! Browbeaten! But if you keep throwing yourself against that wall forever, you're not gonna break through before you hurt something, you hear?"

"Um..." Courtemanche looks so confused Jim almost wonders if he'd been wrong this whole time. "I think you have the wrong idea..."

("Victims are capable of behaving in a manner very reminiscent of their normal selves. This is because the victim remains intact and aware, albeit in an altered state of consciousness. They can still carry out XANA's instructions without the direct intervention of the spectral agent."

Jim had read those words twice to process them, then glanced towards his door into the boys' hall. Belpois was speaking from experience.)

...His blood starts to boil at the memory. He takes a deep breath. Not now. Don't break now. "Maybe so! But given your behavior today, it is still something I want to bring up. You're..." He scratches his head. "You're a tough kid, Annie. Determined. You're a fighter."

("They cannot be reasoned with or dissuaded, but there is some potential ability to delay themselves with conflicting signals to the nervous system if they attempt to regain control of their body.")

"I don't think you'd let this take you down so easily--burnout, that is. You're smarter than that."

Jim catches movement out of the corner of his eye. He turns his head just in time to see a blurry blue shape sprinting for the path into the park, a purple one just behind him. Courtemanche had stopped walking for a moment, but he catches her looking in the same direction.

She abruptly checks her watch. "I won't, you're worried over nothing. I have to go."

Courtemanche shoves him slightly in the arm, but it's not enough for him to lose his center of gravity, and when she pivots to walk away, he manages to grab her shoulder.

It feels like putting your hand in front of one of those old CRT televisions, that sort of fuzzy sensation.

"Not so fast!"

It comes out louder and harsher than he'd meant for it to, and he can tell by the way she--it--goes visibly rigid. Its free fist clenches tight at its side.

In one smooth motion, she turns on her heel and faces him.

This time, he sees the sign clearly--along with the hateful, yet somehow empty glare that does not belong on her face.

"...Jim?"

Jim blinks. He's lying on the track, cheek stinging with road burn and nose full of the smell of burnt hair. "Uh...?" He blinks several more times, trying to recall how he'd wound up on the ground. Had he passed out? What time is it?

"Jim, are you all right?"

It's not the same voice that had called his name earlier, and he drags himself into a sitting position, rubbing at his stinging cheek and glancing over to the sources.

It hits him like a ton of bricks.

"S-Striker! Puma!"

Stern and Della Robbia both give each other a look and roll their eyes. None of them seem to have taken to Jim's call signs too well--oh, well, they'd come around eventually, that wasn't important.

Jim scrambles to his feet. "It's--Annie Courtemanche, she--!"

"We know." Stern grimaces and rubs at his shoulder. Jim notices his sleeve is burnt in several places. "Trust me, we know. She cut the elevator cables and Spidermanned down the shaft."

Della Robbia whistles. "Whoof, you got on the wrong side of her too?"

He points in the vague direction of Jim's face, and Jim rubs his stinging cheek. Now that he's more conscious, he's fairly certain it isn't just road burn. "She kept trying to cut out of class," Jim mutters. "I tried to stop her..."

"You really didn't have to," Stern says, brows furrowed.

"No, no, I did!" Jim tries to pull himself up to his usual level of swagger. "For my honor as your protector!"

"...Uh-huh."

"Well, I appreciate it," Della Robbia quips, digging around in his pocket and pulling out his phone. "We still somehow scraped by just in time again. I feel like I've been run over."

"From what Aelita says, you were run over."

"Only a little bit!" Della Robbia raises his phone to his ear, other hand on his hip. "...Hey, Jeremie! Yeah, Jim's fine, he just got a little zippity-zap. We still doing the thing?"

"We wanted to warn you before we went back," Stern explains.

"Eh? Are you sure you want to do that?"

Stern shrugs. "The elevator's totally busted and there's no way we'd be able to fix it ourselves. Besides, Jeremie's probably got a concussion and Yumi fell off one of the rafters."

Jim's fists clench. This kind of thing is what keeps him doing this, despite the personal and legal risks to himself--they talk about getting attacked and almost dying like it's an annoyance, like it's bad food at the cafeteria or a spot of rain. These are teenagers, they should be worrying about girls or sports or test results, not this.

He doesn't know what sort of thing this XANA is, going after children like this, over and over and over. He'd like to give it a piece of his own mind, but that's not something he can actually do himself.

"...Okay, see ya this morning, Einstein," Della Robbia chirps, hanging up the phone. "T-minus one minute, we're going to just before breakfast. At least I'm gonna know to go for the sausage seconds early this time."

"And that means I'll be allowed to eat mine without you giving me horrible ugly puppy dog eyes, right?"

"Hehe, no promises! And they're very handsome puppy dog eyes, thank you very much!"

It absolutely boggles Jim's mind how these two can talk so casually after something like this, and that just makes him angrier. They're used to it. Belpois had said they'd been doing this for no less than a year by the time he'd found out about it, and now things only seem to be getting worse for them. They shouldn't be used to it. It's not fair.

They don't know the depth of the situation they've put him in, really. They don't know what kind of hot water he might be in if he gets found out in all this. But he's willing to do it because who else will, because someone has to know, someone has to keep them from running themselves into the ground.

The world slows to a crawl and then turns white. Jim's stomach briefly attempts to vacate his chest cavity.

Jim's in the cafeteria, just finishing up early breakfast at the faculty table. He doesn't even wait for the disorientation to pass before excusing himself and heading into the courtyard.

(There's no point to it, he knows, everything is fine now. But that doesn't stop him from wanting to check on Annie Courtmanche anyway.)

[dorianslayyy]

13 Books Tag Game

Tagged by @bubblegum-blackwood

1) The last book I read:

Iron Flame by Rebecca Yarros - I absolutely devoured this sequel, omg. Obviously it’s nothing fancy or anything like that but hey what’s wrong with a smutty YA? Not to mention DRAGONS

2) A book I recommend:

Perfume by Patrick Süskind - when I read it I had no idea it was a whole entire modern classic, I just picked it up at Oxfam for like 3 for £1 or something but, wow, I can 100% understand how it earned that status! If you like an eery not-too-long horror story with the most beautiful imagery describing some fucked up gothic storylines and a lot of social commentary, you’ll love this book!

3) A book that I couldn’t put down:

Ahhh ok, im gonna say In Memoriam by Alice Winn. The ending was… idk I wasn’t really a fan of the ending, I thought it kind of disengaged and took away from the struggles and severity of war and sexuality the rest of the book portrayed but until that point the rest of the story was everythingggg, there’s a sweet forbidden romance/coming of age/found family in the 1910’s propelling into a story of the horror of WW1 and losing everything you know. All I can really say is that I read it all in one go (more or less) and it had me laughing and sobbing throughout

4) A book I’ve read twice (or more):

I mean… there’s an obvious choice here - The Picture Of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde. HOWEVER I’m going to absolutely cheat and also say Wuthering Heights by Emily Brontë, the drama, the trauma, the vast majority of these characters are awful and I love it 🤌🤌

5) A book on my TBR:

So many… so so many… I’m gonna say House Of Leaves by Mark Z. Danielewski tho because it was expensive and it’s cool looking and I’ve actually been meaning to read that for a while but boy howdy it’s huge

6) A book I’ve put down:

The Tale Of The Body Thief by Anne Rice UGHH I’m trying so hard!! It’s so many words with so little going on, and I do enjoy it, I really do, it’s so goofy, but it’s so.. i mean verbose isn’t really quite the right word but you know what I mean. Sorry mutuals :( I just need a break to read something short and silly - which I’ve almost finished the little series I’m currently reading

7) A book on my wish list:

Prophet Song by Paul Lynch - it sounds absolutely soul crushing and miserable, I know this completely contradicts what I just said about being in the mood for a silly read but <333

8) A favorite book from childhood:

Omg 10000x the Skulduggery Pleasant series by Derek Landy, guys you don’t understand, as much as I would love to talk about how my mum and I used to sit and read Anne Of Green Gables before bed or my Enid Blyton obsession when I was like 6, Skulduggery Pleasant was my absolute jam - I must’ve read that series (the original 9 + spin offs) a million times in primary school. I did keep up with phase 2 when that was coming out but I don’t know if I’ll bother with phase 3, I’m just too old now and phase 2 wasn’t all that imo - I think it’s sort of beating a dead horse at this point :( but the original 9 and Maleficent Seven/Armageddon Outta Here were my childhood and I definitely absorbed Valkyrie Cain into my identity as a child so that series probably shaped a big part of who I am and my hobbies as an adult

9) A book you would give to a friend:

Love On The Brain by Ali Hazelwood. Silly, nerdy, fun, a cute little Pride and Prejudice-esque enemies to lovers feat. women in STEM

10) A book of poetry or lyrics that you own:

Ok so anyone who’s seen my other poetry blog @apoemadaykeepsthehoesaway knows my obsession with The Complete Poems of Wilfred Owen (I have a lot of difference versions) AHHH by far my favourite poet - as you can imagine with such a young man, you can clearly see his changing mentalities, his growth as a person and a writer, his influences, and really gather a lot of context for what’s going on with him in general through his poems. And he grew up in all the same areas I grew up in and hung around as a kid/younger teen, which I think adds to my personal interest in him too. Idk ig we’re very close friends on a parasocial level lol.

And ofc there really aren’t that many poets around that give such visceral, truthful, and emotional insights to the First World War as Owen does (also a queer icon). He was my intro to war literature and I have tattoos relating to him, he and his work are just incredible to read about, would highly recommend having a look at Siegfried Sassoon’s war poems too; another very blunt poet who was a celebrity and war protestor at the time and happened to mentor Wilfred Owen, as well as being linked with other influential folks of the time such as Robbie Ross, Stephen Tennant, Rupert Brooke, and Ivor Novello. Ok Ill move on :,)

11) A nonfiction book you own:

Surprisingly I quite like nonfiction, mainly history and essays from philosophers and the like. Speaking of, Friedrich Nietzsche’s Beyond Good And Evil is a pretty solid one I own, I’ve never read anything where the author begins by calling himself and all his coworkers socially inept incels 🥹 but even though I don’t remember the specific reason I bought it (I was reading it to argue against some other philosophers in an essay in college and I really don’t remember who or what it was) I remember it being a really interesting read

Or yknow in a more traditional sense of non-fiction, I also have Notes On A Nervous Planet by Matt Haig. Really helped me get through some stuff, if you’re struggling with anxiety or feeling a bit down lately I’d very much recommend

12) What are you currently reading:

Omg ok, The Hitchhiker Trilogy by Douglas Adams, I’m currently on book 3 of 5 - Life, The Universe, And Everything. Really silly and nonsensical space bs but somehow also a bleakly satirical social commentary on the unseriousness of our ‘serious’ world. Really enjoyable, fairly political to some degree, really short (around or less than 200 pages a book), really fun. Martin Freeman truly was the perfect casting for Arthur Dent in the film of the first book. Full of that quintessentially British cynical humour and of course plenty of cups of tea

To give a little preview, the second book literally opens “The story so far: In the beginning, the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.”

13) What are you planning on reading next?

Books 4 and 5 of The Hitchhiker Trilogy, and then I suppose I had better carry on reading The Tale Of The Body Thief :D

Tagging whoever wants to have a go, it’s super fun, sorry if I went on a bit on some of these 😅

[taiblogcomics]

A Campy Little Adventure

Hey there, anxiety clowns. Well, we've got a whole new MLP stack to get through! Normally I'd start up again with the main ongoing series, but the next two issues are the conclusion to the Discord arc. Considering it's the Spooky Month, that somehow doesn't feel right to review right now. Instead, I'm gonna try something a li'l different. To that end, let's start something instead of concluding~

Additionally, my computer crashed just as I finished this review, and I have to rewrite the entire thing. So if this review kind of sucks, that's the reason! It's because I couldn't remember how I wrote it the first time or the timing and wording of a particular joke, and I'm a little mad about it.

Here's the cover:

Even if it was a summer camp issue, this is perfect for the season. Like, it's practically a Goosebumps cover. At least the comic version, anyway. Certainly there were enough Goosebumps books about camp to justify this. Summoning demons is everypony's favourite camp activity, clearly. The other thing I like about this cover is that the black silhouette of the trees behind Izzy kinda makes her look like she's got a beehive hairdo. Real classy look. Anyways, as the colder weather finally sets in, appreciate this as one more look back at summer~

Since it's totally summer and all, the Mane 5 are setting up the titular Camp Bighoof. They're planning all the usual camp activities: arts and crafts, music circles, obstacle courses, nature walks, magic lessons… You know, standard stuff. As an aside, like… I don't wanna knock on the artist or anything because there's nothing actually wrong here. But all the characters are making the same ^-^ while staring up at the reader, and it's mildly unsettling. So I guess we're off to a good start if this was meant to cultivate an eerie atmosphere!

Hitch starts channeling his inner Twilight Sparkle by having an entire schedule and itinerary for every camp activity. It's fine, though, he's camp director. He probably should have that. The other four are the counselors, and they have three charges each. None of them are given names (though one looks like a ponified Terry Bogard), but they do all get cabin names: Sunny's charges are the Shooting Stars, Izzy's are the Beaming Buttons, Zipp heads the Sky Seekers (hint for Zipp: look up), and Pipp is in charge of the Melody Makers.

It's already the first night of camp, and they've set up a big campfire. This is always the best part of camping. Heck, this is the only good part of camping. Izzy proposes campfire stories, and Sunny immediately switches to flashlight-under-the-chin mode. As you might guess, there's a legend in these here woods. The camp used to be called Camp Horseshoe, after the canyon it's built in. But as these things go, soon they started finding huge hoofprints lingering around the camp. Well, nice to know Trouble Shoes' descendants continued on to this day~

Naturally, giang hoofprints lead to a giant creature, and Sunny describes Bighoof as a hulking, bipedal pony with a shaggy coat. Izzy then interjects that they have the same legend in Bridlewood, except it's got a unicorn horn and goes by the name Bridlesquatch, which is just not as catchy. Zipp chimes in that they also have a similar legend in the mountains near Zephyr Heights. Their version has shaggy white fur and is called the Zeti. Now that one I think is definitely something else. And before Sunny can dismiss it all as just possibly legends, a huge roar echoes from deep in the woods surrounding them.

Hitch has everyone cool it, since all the kiddos are freaked out now, and the counselors lead them back to their respective cabins for the night. The following morning, however, Sunny spots one of her charges at breakfast, looking bummed. He doesn't have a name or even a cutie mark, but he's a small fellow with a green mane, so I'm gonna call him Broccoli. Broccoli is homesick, which is pretty normal for a colt his age. Sunny bond with him by saying she misses her own bed too. Then she invites him on a walk to clear his head and lift his mood.

Sunny gathers her other campers, and the lot of them go for a nice scenic nature walk. Their walk leads them all up ons the camp sign hanging between the valley leading into the camp. The group's unicorn, a citrus-y looking filly I'm going to name Li'l Oranges, asks if they can practice their magic here. Sunny agrees, and they decide to spruce up the camp sign. Li'l Oranges moves rocks out of the way, Broccoli grows some vines, and their pegasus, a blue filly with a high ponytail, stretches the vines up to the sign. They even get a full splash page of them having fun together.

Alas, this can only go well so long. One of the rocks passes over Broccoli's head, spilling dirt on him and making him sneeze. The sneeze triggers a surge in his magic, over-growing the vine the one I'm naming Bluesky is pulling on, rocketing her into the valley wall. This triggers a landslide, and Sunny is only barely in time to pull them all safely out of the way. But the landslide has collapsed the valley entrance, the only way in or out of camp, trapping them in the valley. The sun is going down (how long was that walk??), and that same roar from last night is now echoing through the valley…

It's just a little MLP camp adventure, it's very cute. It's a decent spook setup, every culture can relate to the hairy wildman of the woods. Heck, this one even shows how similar the Bigfoot/sasquatch idea is to the yeti (their Himalayan cousins, in my book). A good start to the setup, especially turning it into a closed circle story at the end, which is how you arrange great horror. Really, the only drawback is the art style. Again, nothing wrong with it, it's just a bit too cutesy for its own good. Bright colours and very round curves. Like, it looks great for ponies! But a camp story needs a little bit of grit to it, y'know? Just a little more edge to carry the unease.

Alas, I don't have any further issues of this miniseries, so we'll have to put it on hiatus for another stack and look at something else next week~

[asirensrage]

Find the Word Tag Game

I was tagged by @residentdormouse.

This should be interesting... lol. Let's see if I can find things that aren't already shared.

My words: hushed, cried, screamed, laughed, shuddered

Hushed (so apparently I rarely use this word...this is from At The End of Everything which was a SPN fic that was left open to be a Dean x OC one... - written back in like 2010)

Ace was leading the way out when we heard something behind us. I turned quickly to see a couple of people covered in blood. Ace hushed Mary and they spotted us. "Fuck!" We ran for the entrance as they ran after us. I stopped and turned, letting Ace lead Mary out. There were three of them. I aimed and shot, sending one of them flying back. I turned and jumped through the broken glass front. Ace had stopped in front of the car. I turned and aimed at the two that were coming through the store. I heard two shots and they both went down. They didn't come from next to me though where Ace stood.

Cried - Tammy Thompson Takes on the Upside Down

“Shit!” Dustin cried out again. “Go!” He led us through a side door and we ran down an empty hall. It felt like ages but he finally stopped. “Come on,” he strode out casually and we all tried to follow. I recognized the movie theatre instantly. We went into the first theatre we saw. I was hungry but Steve actually stopped at the garbage, grabbing popcorn out of it.  “Ew,” I grabbed onto Erica instead.

Screamed - This is from an abandoned LOTR wip lol

"You are certain?" "Yes." "Then send her." It hurt. Unable to describe it in words, she screamed.  "Where is she?! Where is my sister?!" "We don't know. She was gone in the morning. She must have left in the night." "She wouldn't leave! Not without letting us know." "She was not here." "We could shield her from the pain." "She needs to go through this to understand."

Laughed - (not me writing out the scene I tried to draw yesterday...)

I don’t know how I did it. I’m scared of heights, if I’m honest, so I’m not sure how I ended up behind its head, legs over its shoulders and my feet crossed under its neck to make sure I didn’t fall off. All I knew was that I needed to stop it. I wasn’t going to let it eat her.  I had one hand under its jaw, trying to keep it closed, while the other was on the side of its head, helping me keep balanced. It just laughed at me.  “You can’t…kill me…” “Run!” I shouted at her as she stared at me in shock. “Get out of here!” “I’m going to eat you–” “No you’re not,” I ground out, pulling back as hard as I could in order to keep it from reaching her.  It sounded like a rip, like the crack that ice makes when you step on it. The thing’s laughter stopped suddenly and I kept pulling, hoping maybe I was giving her some time to get away. I almost fell backwards when the pressure suddenly released.

Shuddered - Another abandoned WIP. This one for From Dusk to Dawn

“How the hell are we supposed to know who we’re looking for?” Seth grumbled, passing around the drinks after paying the bartender.  “It’s her,” Richie said. He motioned at the stage. “She’s the one.” “How the fuck do you know?” Seth snapped. Kate sipped at the coke and listened. The woman was staring at the three of them as she sang.  “They used to be just like me and you They used to be sweet little boys But something went horribly askew Now killing is their only joy” “Well that’s creepy,” she heard Seth mutter. Kate shuddered, an eerie sense of déjà vu upon her as she stared at the stage.

this entire search just made me realize I need to work on my descriptions lol

Your words: tremble, blood, little, asking, cracks

soft tagging: @chickensarentcheap @ninjasawakenedmystar @stanshollaand @starcrossedjedis @nadja-antipaxos @reyofluke-ocs and anyone else who wants to join

[lenakluthor]

For the writing post you made, question 18 and 23 if you would like to answer at all

18. Choose a passage from your writing. Tell me about the backstory of this moment. How you came up with it, how it changed from start to end. okay so for the passage i chose, it's towards the beginning of a scene that i'm really trying to build up a creepy and eerie atmosphere for (it's in the Spooky Supercorp AU). the previous couple paragraphs were me trying to really set the scene and paint a picture of what's going on and get the vibes across, while also weaving in lena's headspace. and then this passage comes directly after the Thing happens that all the exposition was building up to, so it feels almost like it's a full circle moment for the picture i was trying to paint. it hasn't changed much yet. i'm basing the scene off of the scene in 4x22 where lena shoots lex, and i've been trying to picture it as a scene from one of my favorite horror movies or novels. the idea for the spooky storyline came as inspiration while i was reading something (also spooky) and when i fleshed it out, i pulled more loose inspiration from one of my favorite books, sawkill girls. (also pls keep in mind that this is literally my "just write ANYTHING down to get something out and you can edit it later" draft)

Lena drops to the floor, her arms going up to shield her face from the chaos. Crouched down like this, she’s eye level with Lex’s body. Through the space between her arms, she makes eye contact. His frozen, lifeless eyes do nothing to ease the mounting terror, but Lena doesn’t have the strength to look away. Her brother who, for better or worse, protected her throughout her childhood is no longer alive to protect her from whatever is happening now. And it’s her fault. Even in death, Lex gets his revenge. His final words ring in her ears. “You’re left with no one. And nothing.”

23. Describe the physical environment in which you write. Be as detailed as possible. Tell me what’s around you as you work. Paint me a picture. i don't really have a dedicated writing space, tbh. sometimes it's in bed, sometimes it's on the couch. sometimes i actually write on my desk. i've been meaning to write from a coffee shop and maybe even my backyard. so i guess i'll just describe where i'm currently answering from. i am currently staying in my parents' house watching their cats while they go on a cruise. i'm in their room, curled up in the huge king size bed, my dog snuggled up to my side as he sleeps. there's a low hum from the ceiling fan, and the light flickers slightly as the blades circle the pendant. i'm surrounded by vintage concert posters from the 60s and 70s that my dad collects, and various framed photos and art projects from my youth- my mom's addition to the room. on the tv, youtube is up; it's asking me if i'd like to replay gab smolders' stardew valley 1.6 playthrough. it's quiet, save for the fan and the sound of jack's soft snores. i'm calm here.

ask me about my writing!

[sabrinasfadingmoon]

jealousy, jealousy, i am yours : chapter three, the safety of the moon

Description

When nerves are pinched there is only one way to go out, with a bang. Or at least that’s what Enid always does.

Dark prom was close, which only meant winter break was close, something Enid was not looking forward to. Along with that she had the knowledge that Wednesday met a boy the day she had gone to town.

School was hard, she had to study but all she could think about was Wednesday. It was almost borderline obsessive and she was starting to get worried for herself. Her wolf side made her so jealous sometimes.

It didnt help that they kept meeting. Enid thought Xavier was her entire problem but now there was this normie, the sheriff's son, Tyler. Enid couldn't hate him. She didnt have a reason for hate, but just him being a normie and the sheriff son gave her bad vibes.

What did he want with Wednesday? She kept thinking. Was he just trying to act out? Talk to the kids who went to Nevermore? Talk to the biggest weirdo he could find?

The questions spun and spun and spun till they rolled down a hill destroying everything in its path. Its oath meaning any train of thought and motivation enid had to study and actually not fail school.

Today though, Enid had to focus. It was a weekend and she was dead set on studying. She needed it way more than she wanted to admit. She spent most of the morning and afternoon hauled up in the library surrounded by every book ever.

She was tired. Her eyes hurt from staring at the words on the pages for so long. She blinked, but that didnt get rid of it. End groaned, rubbing her forehead and sitting back. She looked around the library finding only a few students.

Her stomach growled loudly, Enid cringed. Lunch, it was lunch time, or past it, She thought. Enid glanced at the stacks of books again trying to think if she should really leave. But the oncoming headache and the way the words on the pages were moving told her she should probably eat.

Enid got up from her seat making her way to the library exist. She would come back for the books late, she was nowhere near done.

The hallways were always empty on weekends. It was weird, but most students were outside or in their rooms. It wasn't like when classes changed and the halls were filled with constant crowds.

She would describe it almost as eerie, the darkness and horror aspect feel had her thinking of Wednesday all over again. “Dont do that,” Enid muttered to herself, rubbing the side of her head.

read more on my ao3 here!

[allywritesforfun]

Uhhh, a part 2 of the AweSamDude story. I don't know, maybe the court case would be cool! If requests arent open, then ignore them

um yes! I have wanted to make a part 2 for so long but had no clue where to start and this just makes perfect sense!

{Locked Up Heart pt 2} irl!warden!awesamdude x Reader

pronouns: were originally not mentioned, but now are she/they

word count: 2987

trigger warnings: mention/talk of rape and murder, court cases, somewhat angsty 

a/n: the law I mentioned is a real law but I can't remember what the law is actually called so roll with it

part one

masterlist

You stared at yourself in the body mirror. You haven't seen yourself look like this in years. All dressed up and ready to impress. You wore a gorgeous black suit with a purple inside along with sleek black pants. You looked into the body mirror, admiring yourself.

Sam let you live with him “until you could find your own place” but neither of you had intentions of leaving. You looked at apartments once online, but you knew with this on your record that you were going nowhere but some run down ghetto, and Sam knew that too. 

He knew that you would be able to take care of yourself there, he wasn't scared for your safety or any of that. He was scared that you wouldn't be able to support yourself. Finding a job was hard, all that there was these days for someone like you was online surveys that were not reliable.

Staying with Sam was the best of the both of you. He has been without a roommate for years now. He felt less alone with you being there. The first couple nights were awkward. You slept on the pull out couch and didn't have much clothes. You felt terrible about the amount of washes you did, but eventually you started to get more comfortable with Sam. 

The first sign of progression was when he offered you his sweatshirt instead of a blanket. It was a sweet gesture, you gladly took it. Later that night instead of returning it, you cuddled it to sleep. Now, its your version of a teddy bear. Nice and warm and flourished with Sam’s scent.

You only started sleeping in his bed with him a week ago. It was a purposeful accident. He offered to watch tv in his room since you two deep cleaned the couch. You've planned on falling asleep on him, but you didn't plan for it to be that day. 

It was the best feeling in the world: waking up to being wrapped around and held tight and safe. You must've laid there when you woke up for an hour before Sam got up. You pretended to be asleep so that you could play the innocent girl card. It worked.

You felt a pair of large hands caress your waist. You jumped and had a little fear-induced hiccup.

“Sorry!” Sam took his hands off and backed away. “I’m still getting used to sensitive areas.”

You two have been working on okay areas to touch. You taught yourself to be extra alert while in the prison and certain touches trigger your reflexes and others cause panic, like hips.

Because of your high murder count, you were sent to the normal prison, the non-all woman prison. It wasn't the worst in the world. You only saw males during eating times, but it was common to get grabbed like that. It happened to every single female, every eating hour. The guards did nothing about it, not that they really could. 

Sam has seen it before, not you, but to other women. He had an idea of areas to stay away from, but he is such an affectionate guy and sometimes he forgets.

“You’re okay, Sam. The more you do it, the more comfortable I’ll get with it,” You explained.

Sam was so good to you. He’s helped you through it all. Everything that you needed to heal, he gave to you. 

“Well then maybe after the trial we can get some practice in...” He swooned. 

You chuckled, “If we win. There’s a chance I won't come back here tonight. I’m lucky enough that they gave me stay at home orders in the meantime.”

He nodded, “We’re gonna win.” He kissed your cheek, “How could anyone that looks as scrumptious as you right now lose? There is no way. We have the evidence, and we have your perfect prison record. Not a single misdemeanor! They might not drop all chargers but you’re coming home tonight.”

“Home?” You questioned.

You've avoided that word for the longest time. You always said ‘the house’ or ‘your place’. Not because you didn’t want this to be your home, not the exact opposite. You wanted this to be forever home, but you never wanted to overstay your welcome. 

“Yes home,” Sam laughed. “Why wouldn’t this be home... you feel safe here don’t you?”

“I do!” You exclaimed, waving your hands back and forth in denial. “I just didn't realize you wanted this to be my home.”

Sam offered his hand out to you; you gladly took it. His soft hand gently squeezed yours as he pulled you slowly into him, embracing you, “Of course I want this to be your home. I couldn't imagine anywhere else I would want you to be. This never felt like home to me, until you came home with me.”

You breathed in his scent, instantly relaxing into him, “I like it here. A lot.”

He pressed his lips to your forehead, “Now have that same attitude in court, we got to go.”

The court room was filled, more than you expected. You looked around, not recognizing a single face except for a few prison guards who were testifying on both sides. You noticed the media set it up in the back. Your story hit the news faster than expected. You did have a great story: warden falls in love with murder. 

“Hands out,” The officer directed.

You obliged. You opposed no threat to anyone and no intentions too, but if putting you in handcuffs made them feel better, then handcuffs it was. You looked back at Sam as the cold metal locked around your wrists. He replied with a frown, which quickly turned into an encouraging smile.

His bipolarness was the vibe right now. You noticed people having a hard time deciding where to sit. There were a lot of people on both sides, but no family members of yours. You gave up on them a long time ago when you noticed they weren’t writing letters and ignoring your calls.

You didn't need them, all you needed was Sam. You have everything you want right now, except for freedom.

“All rise!” 

You stood up from the wooden bench. The judge walked in wearing the classic black gown and had a book in his hands. He nodded at a few of his guards before taking a seat. He opened up his book and looked around the room, landing on you.

“Good afternoon everyone, and there are a lot of you,” His voice was so deep that it bounced against the walls, making an eerie echo. “Calling the case of State Prison vs y/n. Are both sides ready?”

The representative of the prison and your lawyer both replied with a yes. The jury then stood and raised their right hand and made their oath, returning to the bench. 

The representative stood up and gave their opening statement: “Ladies and gentleman of the court, Your Honor, the Jury. You will find that the defendant has been charged with four accounts of murder and convicted by confession. The defendant has taken accountability for all the murders committed and has given detail about how she killed those four men. It is ridiculous that we are here in court today deciding if we can release a serial killer back into the public. With a strong motive to kill, there is no reason why the defendant should be let back into the public eye.”

Serial killer. That is what you are. No one has ever said it that way, but he was absolutely right. You fit the definition perfectly, you had a type and more than three victims. It already wasn't looking good for you.

Your lawyer took center stage, “A martyr is the perfect word to describe the defendant. They have given their life to the state to save the lives of many to come. The strength that my client displays and ownership prove that although they are guilty of the crimes, they are still human and deserve a second chance.”

The judge called you to take the stand. You sat down after taking your oath and folded your hands neatly in your lap.

“Miss l/n,” He started. “Today you are trying to get your case dismissed after confessing to your crimes. That is very interesting. Let’s go back to before the crimes were committed, what were you thinking, what were you doing in your life at the time?”

You shook your head, “Many years ago I was an activist. I enjoyed speaking to the public about issues facing the community and the world at the time. If I wasn't outside with a sign, I was inside posting on social media. I was in college, I was studying Political Science.”

“And what were you planning on doing with the major?”

You paused. It’s been so long that you had a hard time remembering why you wanted to study and what career you wanted, “I was planning on becoming a political journalist, Your Honor.”

He shuffled around his papers, “I’ve looked at your latest credit that you were working on. It was a Sociology class. Do you remember what topic you were discussing in class?”

You nodded, “Rape. The number of rapes in a year and the number of rapists convicted was the last assignment I was working on.”

You remember that assignment like it was yesterday. That one assignment got you so worked up and so mad at the world, that you just had to do something. There was no way that you couldn't. Women’s voices were being ignored and cases rose every day; repeat offenders increased everyday.

“Now to my understanding all the men that you murdered were accused of rape.”

You nodded, “Yes, Your Honor.”

“The attorney may ask questions to Miss l/n.”

The attorney stood up and adjusted your jacket, “Miss l/n, did any of those men physically harm you?”

You shook your head, “No.”

“So you took advantage of the fact that you were young to persuade the men into being alone with you just to kill them?”

You shook your head, “No, I didn’t persuade them at all. All of them suggested going back to their place.”

“But you did stalk them to find out where they were going?”

“No,” You answered. “They had their location public on their phone. All I did was look up their name and I knew where they were.”

“So these men did nothing to you at all except invite you over to their house. And you accepted the offer under no influence or threat. You killed four innocent men and you want to be let back out on the streets? This woman is a danger to society. She seeks out innocent men to end their life for no reason.” He nodded his head and went back to his desk, looking at his notes. He looked back at you and nodded, “That will conclude my questioning.”

You looked back at your lawyer, they gave you back a look of relief. Then you searched the crowd for Sam. Once you found him he gave you a thumbs up. It seemed like you were already on top of the case.

“Miss y/n,” Your lawyer started. “We all know that you killed those men, but why?”

“They raped multiple women. When brought to court, they were given a light sentence and did not do proper justice to the woman. These woman went day to day fearing for their life that they ever spoke out about the terrible things that happened to them. I couldn't let myself live knowing that there was a reason for women to be scared because their government had failed them.”

“Those women were scared? Why were they scared?” “Because they feared that they would get raped again. All of those men were repeat offenders. They would only take more victims and never be punished.”

“So you killed those men to prevent others from being hurt with evidence that it would happen again.”

You nodded, “I would never hurt anyone that had no intentions of causing harm.”

“Miss l/n just described public defense. Under the public defense law, anyone can defend the public with reasonable cause. It’s like self-defense, but for others. She shouldn’t have been committed in the first place. If those men were still alive, they would have kept raping until they were killed. Miss y/n saved lives. That concludes my questioning.”

You were dismissed from the stand and went back by your lawyer. They smiled at you, knowing that with that alone, they had won the case.

The attorney called Sam to the stand; he took his oath and sat down.

“So, Sam. You were the warden in charge of the wing that Miss y/n was being held in?”

“Yes.”

“That prison is a tough place to be, she must’ve fussed around a lot.”

Sam shook his head, “Not one bit. She does not have a single complaint against her. Everything that was asked of her, she did with speed and efficiency. She didn't have one lash out in her time.”

“Nothing at all?”

“Like I said, not one complaint.”

“To my understanding you have a relationship with Miss l/n, is that correct?”

“Objection!” Your lawyer yelled. “Irrelevant to the case. Sam was called because of his position and his professional opinion, not his personal life.”

“Sustained.”

“That concludes my questioning.”

Your lawyer stood up and nodded. You could feel that they were about to lay down the last blow.

“Sam, did this prison have any rapists?”

He nodded, “All kinds of rapists, of all ages and target groups.”

“Did Miss l/n ever have contact with these rapists?”

“Yes. Most of the time during eating hours and the occasional passing in the hall.”

“And how did that interaction go?”

“Miss l/n was given a hard time by these rapists. While waiting in line she was often sexually grabbed. During passing she was cat called and teased at.”

“And what was here response to the sexual assault?”

“Stone faced, emotionless. Every time it happened it amazed me how she would just stand there and wait to be given a direction. The most reaction she’s ever had was lightly shuffling her body to get them off, but she never lunged or reached at them.”

“And what did the other guards do when they noticed this behavior?”

“Nothing. Sometimes they yelled if it was getting close to rape, but overall nothing. We were under instructions not to react because in the past it only caused encouragement of the assault. Prisoners love any excuse to fight a guard,” Sam looked over at you. “I am so sorry that there was nothing I could’ve done. Everyday I watched as you were touched and I wanted to give it to them, I wanted to make sure that I would see them every day of their life, but I couldn't. I couldn't risk hurting you more.”

You smiled, almost tearing up at his words, but you kept yourself composed with a small sniffle.

“The main concern of Miss y/n going back into the public is that she will kill again. As said by her and concluded by a court, she only killed rapists,” Your lawyer pointed out. “As stated by the warden in charge of looking over her, she had the opportunity to kill. She had the opportunity to hurt them, but she never took it. Even after being sexually assaulted, she still kept to herself. This is undeniable evidence that Miss y/n is a changed woman. In her file it is stated that she did more than required community service and went above and beyond with helping other cellmates. Her actions within the prison prove that she is a well-rounded and caring individual. She has changed her ways and is ready to go back into the world. She did justice to the world and it is time for the world to her justice.”

You waited anxiously for over an hour to find out what the jury had decided. You and your lawyer talked about possible outcomes. They told you the sooner they made the decision, the better chances that you had. You had no error in your case and said everything that you wanted to say. The opposing side’s evidence was all proven false.

You got called back into the court, the jury had made their final decision. You rose for the judge and took a seat when prompted. You could feel your leg bouncing.

“In the case of the State Prison vs l/n...” the judge started. You looked over your shoulder at Sam. He had his hands placed in a praying position with his head resting against them. “Miss y/n is found not guilty of all charges and her remaining sentence will be dismissed. She will compensated for her time falsely spent in prison plus be rewarded another trial for her sexual assault. This case is adjourned.”

You could feel emotion flood through you. Pure happiness and joy leaked from your eyes. You tilted your head back in relief and squeezed at your heart. All of these years of the bullshit you put up with was all worth it. You hugged your lawyer and thanked them up and down, the emotion so strong in you that you almost dropped to your knees. You were caught by familiar hands: Sam. Sam pulled you up and into him. He was practically jumping up and down in excitement. He calmed down for a second to lock eyes with you. He couldn't help but smile and cry with you. He placed his hands on your cheeks and pulled you into a deep kiss. It was nothing extravagant, just a simple deep and meaningful kiss that said all the words that he wanted to say.

“I’m coming home!”

[mypoisonedvine]

You, Me, and Him | (dark)Bucky Barnes x reader

summary: the worst thing about the man who did this to you is that he’s convinced he isn’t the one who did this to you (or, brainscrambled bucky decides to keep the gift that the winter soldier left for him)

word count: 4k

warnings: smut (noncon), yandere-ish themes, stalking, kidnapping, very unstable/erratic bucky, slapping, creampie kink, praise

When you opened your eyes, you wondered why your room looked so strange.  What possible angle could you be looking at your ceiling from that it would be like this?

However, when you turned your head, you suddenly realized that you were not in your room at all.  The next thing you realized was that your hands were restrained— shackled, specifically, and suspended above your head.  Obviously, this realization shot ice-cold terror through your veins as you began to try to understand how you’d gotten here.  Now that you thought about it, you didn’t remember going to sleep in your room: no, you’d been out shopping, in the middle of the afternoon.  Why couldn’t you remember anything after that?  

Your head spun when a door nearby opened, and the man that awaited on the other side brought it all back.

He was following me.  I tried to lose him, I turned a corner, but he was right there— and there was a syringe in his hand… and he must have—

“Oh my god,” the man gasped, “shit— are you okay?”

You stared at him in confusion, already starting to cry as you put two and two together about all this.  Generally, only one thing happened after a man drugged a woman and chained her to a wall.  The part that didn’t add up was the terror on his face as he rushed to you and knelt down in front of where you were lying— why was he worried about you?

“Oh no, oh nonononono,” he whimpered, mostly to himself, “oh god, I didn’t— this wasn’t… oh fuck.”

“Please let me go,” you started to plead between sobs, “I don’t know what you want, but I don’t have any money… I’ll give you whatever I have, I won’t tell anyone, just let me go, please—”

“No, no, no,” he shook his head quickly.  Either he wasn’t listening (bad) or he was denying your request (worse) and both possibilities just made you cry harder.  He, meanwhile, was rocking back and forth in front of you, covering his ears with his hands to muffle your cries.  “Oh god, what have I done, what have I done— what did I do?”

“Please don’t hurt me,” you whimpered.

“No, no, I won’t— I would never do that…” he sighed.  “I would never do anything to hurt you.”

You squinted as you tried to make out what that meant, sniffling as your crying subsided a little (mainly from being distracted by the confusion of it all).  “Do I… know you?”

He chuckled a little, scratching the back of his neck nervously.  “Uh, no, not really, I’m— my name is Bucky,” he explained, “I— you might have seen me on the news, but that wasn’t really me, that was this other guy—”

“Why did you do this to me?” you interrupted.

“No, see, that’s the thing: I didn’t do this to you.  It was… it was somebody else.  He’s… he’s in my head, and every once in a while he takes control and sort of does his own thing…”

Not that anybody who kidnaps somebody is totally right in the head, but this guy is certifiable.

“And he did this to you.  Don’t worry, it’s gonna be okay,” he assured you, though it wasn’t comforting at all, “I’m not gonna hurt you, I would never— I won’t do that, okay?  I’m just gonna… I’m gonna let you go.”

You sighed with relief, although some voice in the back of your head told you not to trust him just because he seemed regretful.  Regardless of his strange excuses, this was still the man who kidnapped you.

“You don’t believe me,” he realized with an awkward smile.  “It’s okay, I understand.  I wouldn’t believe me either— god, I must sound crazy, right?  But I’m not crazy.  I don’t think…”

This time your sigh was less relief and more irritation.

“See, I was, uh, tortured.  Experimented on.  That was a long time ago, and I’m mostly over it, but this other guy— he’s a soldier.  I guess I am, too, but he’s… more on the war crimes side of things.  Like, assassinations and stuff.  That’s a whole other story…”

I think I’d prefer to hear that one.

“Anyways, sometimes I get sort of… messed up?  Up here?” he gestured to his head, leaning back to sit on the floor in front of you with crossed legs.  “Like, I can’t tell what year it is or how long it’s been since I’ve slept.  My psychiatrist says I’m ‘losing time’ and that it’s normal for people with… whatever it is that I have.  But it’s scary, you know?  Because I don’t know what I’ve done in that time.  So today, I woke up and had no idea how I got where I was—”

Same.

“And I came down here and… you’re here.  I didn’t… I didn’t do this, I can’t stress that enough.”

“So… this other guy…” you tried to understand, hoping that appealing to his twisted sense of logic would get him to tell you something actually useful, “he did this?”  Bucky nodded.  “Does he do this often?”

“What, kidnap women?  No this is… this is new.  As far as I know.”

“Why me?”

“Uh…” he stalled, looking away.  ���God, this is sort of embarrassing, but… it’s probably because I sort of have this, um, crush on you…”

“You don’t even know me,” you mumbled.

“No, you don’t know me, but I… I know you,” he nodded confidently.  “Do you remember a few months ago when you went to that art gallery by your apartment?  It was raining that day, I couldn’t tell for sure if you came in to look at the art or if you were just trying to get out of the weather but, anyways, you had on this big puffy coat— ‘cause it was cold out— and you took off your hood and you just looked around… I saw you, cause I was in there to look at the art, too, and you looked so beautiful.”

You were getting anxious.  He said he would let you go but he hadn’t really made any progress on that goal.

“And I sort of followed you after that, and watched you— I mean, that sounds really bad, it wasn’t like that, I just… I just wanted to make sure you were safe and—”

“Let me go, Bucky, please,” you interrupted, getting more desperate.

He shook his head with a sigh.  “You’re right, you’re right, I’m sorry… I just haven’t had anyone to talk to… you’re a good listener.”

Yeah, everybody’s a good listener when they’re tied up and forced to listen.

“Just let me finish my story and I’ll let you go.  I was kind of in the middle of something.  You know, it’s rude to interrupt people.”

Oh fuck.  You’d angered him.  It was subtle, but he was clearly irritated; he looked at the floor, and his jaw tightened a little.  It must have been that this candid talk made you forget he was unstable and that you needed to tread lightly.  You couldn’t afford another mistake like that.

“I’m sorry, Bucky, finish your story,” you offered.

“Okay,” he nodded, “well, anyways, when you came into the gallery you looked around for a while but there was one painting you kept looking at— do you remember it?” 

You shook your head.

“Really?  You must’ve stared at it for half an hour.  I swear I saw you tearing up a bit,” he smiled.  “Clearly it had an effect on you.  I wasn’t sure if you were considering buying it, or if it would make you upset to see it in your house every day, but the way you looked at it… it changed everything for me.  You smiled at me as you left, just a quick glance— I’m not offended that you don’t remember me just from that, if anything it’s good because it made it a lot easier to trail you, but… I knew then that you were such a kind, soulful person.”

“Oh my god,” you groaned, “I remember… I remember that.”

It was so cold out that the rain was nearly frozen.  You’d gone in to escape the elements, but one painting drew you in.  Someone else was there, a man that you remembered thinking was attractive but a little eerie with the way he just stood there, seemingly even more purposeless than you.  He smiled at you as you left, and you smiled back.  You were just trying to be friendly.  No good deed, though, right?

“Do you remember the painting?” he asked again, leaning in a little closer with innocent hope sparkling in his eyes.

“Yes,” you nodded, “it was… it was a woman, and she was looking away from the viewer, out over the water.  She looked sad, but determined, like she was thinking about something impossible to describe.”

He smiled wide then, apparently impressed by your description.   “Look,” was all he said as he pointed to the wall beside you— and as you turned your head, you gasped as you saw it: it was the painting, even more hauntingly beautiful than you remembered.  You started to cry again, because somehow it was this show of disturbed affection that made you more sure than ever that you weren’t going to get out of here.

“Don’t be scared,” he soothed, moving closer again and wiping the tears from your face gently.  “It’s gonna be alright.”

“Please let me go,” you whispered shakily, looking back at him, straight into his eyes, as if maybe you could find some sanity there to appeal to.

He frowned a little as he pulled back, bringing his thumb to his lips to chew the nail nervously as he thought.  “See, here’s the thing…”

“Bucky, please—”

“I don’t think I can do that,” he sighed.

“Please,” you cried, the word starting to lose all meaning as you just fought to be able to speak past the force of your sobs, “please, please—”

“You could tell somebody— and I know it wasn’t me, but the police aren’t gonna care about that.  I always have to take the heat for what he does… and I would just rather not go to prison.”

“I won’t, Bucky,” you feverishly defended, “I wouldn’t tell, I swear— we’re friends!  Friends don’t tell on each other—”

He interrupted you as he grabbed you by your shirt suddenly, pulling you towards him as you recoiled.  “I don’t have friends,” he growled.

“We… we could be friends,” you offered weakly.  “I could be your friend.  Do you… do you want to be my friend?”

He studied your face, the gaze of his bright blue eyes burning through you instantly.  “I can’t say that I do.”

You whimpered as he leaned in closer, taking a deep breath right against the side of your face.

“You smell so good,” he whispered, his left hand— bionic metal, much to your horror— reaching up to trace over your face and hold you close to him.  “We aren’t friends, silly; we’re soulmates.”

You shivered, gut sinking as you closed your eyes and thought there might still be a chance it was all a horrible dream.  This isn’t happening to me, this isn’t happening to me, this can’t be happening to me—

“Hey!” he yelled, slapping you on the face suddenly.  “Keep your eyes open!”

You cried but tried to do as he asked, knowing it would only be so much worse if you didn’t do whatever he wanted.

“The point is, even if you didn’t tell, letting you go just isn’t… economical for me,” he explained.  “‘Cause the truth is, even though I didn’t want to kidnap you, right now I wanna… I wanna keep you.”

He didn’t even let you start crying hard again before he cradled your face in his hands, refusing to let you turn away.

“No, baby, it’s okay— it’s gonna be good!” he promised.  “I would never do anything to hurt you.”

“Please, Bucky, don’t do this,” you sobbed.

“Shh, shh, don’t you get it?  He did this to help me— he knew I couldn’t do it alone, ‘cause I was too afraid to talk to you, but he brought you to me, and now I’m gonna make you understand how good we are for each other.”

He scooted closer, his hands rubbing your legs through your jeans as you cried silently.

“And that’s why he didn’t touch you,” he continued.  “He just left you for me, cause he knows you’re— you’re mine.”

He kissed you suddenly, and it was awkward and sloppy against your unwilling lips.  His tongue eventually managed to force your mouth open, exploring and filling it as you struggled and failed to turn away.  His hand on your jaw was almost tight enough to choke you, a looming threat of what awaited if you didn’t kiss him back.  You couldn’t exactly put much passion into it but you tried your best.

He was smiling when he leaned back and broke away from you, still holding your face and seeming almost proud— of you or himself, you weren’t sure.

“You are so perfect,” he praised quietly.  “I can’t believe I finally have you… god, it’s like a dream come true.”

Or a nightmare, you responded internally.

You jumped when he pulled the knife out from a holster on his belt.

“Oh, this?  I won’t hurt you with it— so long as you stay still,” he explained gently as he leaned forward and started to cut off your shirt while you tried desperately not to shake.  

He looked at you with the reverence of a man at the altar as he tore the shreds of your clothes away, cutting slowly until you were just in your bra and panties.

"Stop," you whispered, but it was so quiet he must not have heard you— or he just didn't care.  He gingerly slipped the knife between your bra and your chest, tugging out to snap it off.  

He took a breath to steady himself; he seemed nearly as nervous as you, just in an entirely different way.

"Baby," he mumbled under his breath, "god, I just wanna do everything to you."

It was hard not to tense up when he said that, or when he brought the knife between your legs to cut off your underwear, but you willed yourself not to shiver because you really weren't ready to lose anything important if his hand slipped.

With them cut and tossed aside, you forced your eyes shut— because you couldn't stop him from seeing you, but at least you didn't have to watch.  As your legs instinctively closed, he gently guided them back open, metal fingers cold on your skin but flesh ones unbearably warm.

“You have such a nice body, I don’t know why you hide it in those baggy clothes,” he chuckled as he ran his hands over your skin.  “I watched you shower a few times, you know, and I saw you look at yourself in the mirror before you got in…"

You opened your eyes, but he wasn't looking at your face, instead taking a long moment to take in everything else.

"You looked like you were disappointed," he continued, "but— but you’re beautiful, and you should know that.  You need somebody to tell you that.”

You felt your face heating up even though you should be horrified, not flattered.  To be fair, it was a bit of both.

“Do you think I’m, you know, handsome?” he asked awkwardly, glancing up to your face again.  “People used to say that about me, a long time ago.  Are you… attracted to me?”

You shook your head, lying.

“Then why are you so wet?” he sing-songed with a mocking grin, thick fingers spreading your lower lips and gathering the arousal they found there.  You whimpered when he brought those fingers to his lips and sucked them hungrily.  “Fuck, you taste incredible— I mean, I knew you would, but wow, this is so much better than just smelling those panties he stole.”

You shivered with disgust, realizing that he was responsible for the pair you thought were lost in the laundry.  

“Oh, yeah, I forgot to mention that,” he laughed.  “Yeah, it was his idea and all, I didn’t do anything but… I’ll tell you a little secret,” he smirked as he leaned in, right against your ear, whispering: “I got off with them, and on them, and it felt soooo good…”

He quickly pulled his cock out of his trousers as you started to struggle against the chains again, getting a quick glimpse before looking away as you wondered how he could possibly fit that in you.

“Do you like knowing that?  Do you like knowing I stroked my cock and thought about you?  I imagined you were laying under me, begging me to fuck you… and now you’re here, and it’s real, and it’s gonna be wonderful.”

You gasped as he suddenly pushed in, trying not to react but knowing he was watching your face intently and saw it all.  “Fuck, baby,” he breathed, “you’re so tight, god, I knew you’d be perfect…”

You cried as he started moving inside you, holding your hips steady and filling you completely until it actually hurt to be stretched so wide.  You were sure nothing had ever been so deep inside you, and it was making your whole body jolt with each thrust.

“Does it feel good?  Do you like my cock in you?” he asked— but it didn’t sound like dirty talk, it sounded like he was genuinely asking.

You shook your head, lying again.

“What if I do this?” he offered, reaching down and circling a calloused thumb over your clit.  Your back arched into his touch, and he grinned proudly.  “See, doesn’t that make it better?  I bet I can make you come.”

One final lie for the night, you shook your head.

"Oh, doll," he soothed, kissing away a tear that had trailed down your cheek, "it's okay… it's okay to like it.  You don't need to pretend."

He reached down and pressed his hand into your lower belly, making you winced as he applied pressure until it took everything you had not to scream.

"Feel that?" he cooed.  "I can feel it.  We're finally together, baby, you never have to be alone again… isn't it incredible?"

Sobbing, your back began to arch up against the wall you were chained to.  With his hand pushing on you, it was impossible to ignore the head of his cock slamming into your g-spot— hard enough that your entire body shook with each thrust.  It was unlike anything you’d ever experienced before, and not just because you’d never been kidnapped before.  As he leaned down to suck on your neck hard enough to leave a mark, it was hard not to feel like he was claiming every part of your body all at once.  You bit down on your lip, afraid to moan too loud, but he heard the muffled noises and pulled up to tut at you disapprovingly.

“Don’t do that,” he frowned, “I wanna hear everything, pretty girl.  I wanna hear you beg for me.”

You whined as you tried to resist it, but getting railed like this made you want to do whatever he told you to.

“Come on, baby,” he encouraged sweetly, “just let go, I know you want to…”

It was bubbling up in your chest faster than you could stop it, each cry louder than the last until you couldn’t hold back anymore.  “Bucky!” you shrieked, hating yourself as you heard him laugh happily right by your ear.

“Oh I know, I’m right here, doll,” he soothed gently, holding you tightly; your hands wiggled inside their shackles, and you shamefully realized that you were craving to wrap your arms around him, run your fingers through his hair.  The desire to push him away was lost to the need to reach your peak.  “Say my name just like that when you come on my cock, sweetheart.”

Your walls were already convulsing and you were moaning so loud you thought you might lose your voice.  Pleasure built up faster than you could comprehend, and so intensely that little black dots were dancing on your vision.  

Oh god yes, right there, don’t stop, yes, you would’ve cried out were it anyone else doing this to you.  Instead all you could do was whimper his name, somewhere between begging for more and begging for mercy.

“Fuck, fuckfuckfuck, I can feel you coming for me— you’re so good, so fucking good,” he groaned, “I’m close already, can you believe it?  I should slow down, so I can make you come again, but you feel too good, I can’t stop.”

Most of that was lost to you, though, because everything had gone numb and fuzzy in the wake of your orgasm, your body limp in his grasp.  The way he pulled your hips into his made you feel used, like a— well, like a doll, fittingly.

“Oh god, babygirl— can I come inside?” he asked gently, but when you weakly shook your head, he just smiled.  “It’s gonna feel so good to fill you up.”

Before you could make it clear that you were saying no, he leaned forward and kissed you— aggressive and rough as he started to breathe deeply and moan against you.  You kicked your legs to try to get him away but all you could do was uselessly scrape your feet against the floor.  You could feel him pulsing inside you, growling against your lips until suddenly warmth began to paint your walls.  Whimpering, you slouched limply as the fight left you.  

“Oh my god, angel,” he sighed, pulling back and smiling as he traced his thumb over your face, following the path of a fresh tear, “that was… you’re incredible.  I’ve never come like that, you feel so fucking amazing.”

He kissed you again, gentler and slower than before.  

“Is it weird that I don’t wanna pull out?” he asked just louder than a whisper, chuckling as his nose brushed against yours.  It was like this guy thought he was in a Hallmark Christmas movie while you were in a Lifetime thriller.  “I could just stay inside you forever… but I won’t.”

He watched in awe as his hips pulled back and his softening cock slipped out of you.  Your face burned with shame as you felt a gush of his come (and yours) leak from you.  

“Wow, look at that,” he mumbled weakly.  “Can you push it out, baby?  I wanna see how good I filled this pretty pussy.”

It made you feel disgusting, but you summoned the last of your strength to do as he asked, unable to see the results but watching him stare between your legs and bite his lip.  

“Fuck, babygirl, that’s… that’s fucking gorgeous.  I stretched you out pretty good, and you’re all swollen…”

Strange enough, he pulled you into a hug, burying his face in the crook of your neck.

“You’re so perfect, sweetheart… my pretty little doll.”  When he pulled back a bit, he moved a stray hair that had stuck to the sheen of sweat on your face, admiring you with a small smile.  “God, I can’t believe you’re finally all mine.  Guess he was lookin’ out for me, bringing you here.  I oughta thank him, somehow.”

He must have known what you were imagining by the way you tensed up, and he laughed softly.

“Don’t worry, baby, I won’t let him touch you.  I won’t let anyone touch you but me.  Now let’s get you out of these chains and into a hot bath, how’s that sound?”

Weakly nodding, you let your eyes fall shut as he reached up to unlock the metal cuffs around your wrists.  Holding your hands in his, he softly kissed the marks left there from when you’d still been fighting, before finally scooping you up into his arms.  He didn’t struggle at all to lift you, and you were too exhausted to notice the way you were leaning into his chest as you dozed off.

You dreamt that you were looking out over still water, contemplative but determined, before falling right in.

[mokis-art]

can you tell me all about void?

edit: so the week 2 half of this summary turned into an analysis so i apologize if it feels like me nerding out and talking about the dEePeR mEaNiNg

all about void.....

like all of it? am i allowed to link the wiki?

im gonna both link the wiki and a video and then give you a summary of the video because i cant be the only one that gets bored watching fnf gameplay unless its twinsomnia (even though playing vs void is actually pretty fun)

*the wiki labels a few other characters as "friend" but in the source post, they're described to be people he just gets along better with since he doesnt really form close bonds in a competitive industry

The premise to the mod is that Void, a cosmic pop star, hears about BF's rising fame and accordingly challenges him to perform at his next concert. The last line of the premise goes, "He hasn't garnered galaxy-wide fame for nothing, and there may be something *dark* under that smug exterior."

In the menu screen, the background music is replaced by supposedly some kind of remix of the original menu music, and Void kind of took it over. Once the week begins, it is very obvious that Void is an egotistical annoying little bitch but that's okay

oh also there's voice acting

Anyways he teases BF a little, boosts his own ego for a bit, and then the songs start. Nothing special happens for most of the week; BF continues to win, and Void is denying the fact that he might not hold out, thus getting more and more insecure. We don't receive a second reason about why he's so affected until the cutscene before Event Horizon, where Void's form glitches. He says nothing of it, simply continuing to tell BF where his place is. The last song is much more difficult than the others, but still very playable. The end card shows that BF and GF are enjoying their win, while Void is extremely ticked off, and the narration rhetorically asks the player, "Think you can beat the true A.C. Void?"

oh also i forgot to mention that the accretions exist, they're basically like bodyguards and try to keep void from doing SOMETHING (i forgot abt them bc they only got added after week 2)

The icon for week 2 is an album CD case, in which the CD inside is broken apart.

SPOILERS FOR WEEK 2 (this part is much longer):

BF returns to Void's stage with his motivations for doing so left ambiguous, and Void has a bit of banter with the Accretions as to which one of them let him in. Void first assumes that BF is a die-hard fan looking for an autograph, but it seems that he's learned to understand his beep language and hears that BF actually wants a rematch. Void is extremely ticked off by this, probably taking it as mockery, but BF gently persists, the Accretions back him up—and something eerie rises in Void. He agrees to do just one song.

After the song, Void—completely certain he would be able to win with so much focus—is wholly enraged by this point, but persistently holding himself back everytime he might snap. (There's a fourth-wall joke regarding the character-gets-angry-in-the-last-song trope in fnf mods between this). Void then has a brief monologue hinting at a "mistake" he made long ago, one caused by an inability to keep himself "stable." Later, his Accretions try to warn him that he might snap, but they are cut off on the word "gonna" and Void yells that he's not "gonna" anything.

Void insists on a slow, lengthy song to ensure that he can beat BF for once. Near the end of the song, however, it is evident that he was too late in his suppression, and already begins to transform. He glitches more and more, and eventually snaps, resembling the "blueballs" animation, and takes on the full name "A.C. Void." A.C. remarks darkly that it's "good to be back" and also states that "Void is gone," implying that he is somewhat separate from his smug counterpart. He proceeds to monologue with a contrast to Void—that his purpose isn't for wealth or fame (its about the mets), but rather about a type of mentally-manipulative world domination. He reveals that his motivations might equate to what is Void's motivations, but bumped up to 100 and covered in wickedness. A.C. challenges BF to "Come face the All-Consuming Void!" and the final-final song begins.

At the end of Singularity, A.C. Void seemingly faints. BF and GF casually discuss dinner but a while later, the entity regains consciousness as Void and approaches BF. Reluctantly, he thanks BF in an agree-to-disagree way since otherwise he would have "torn the galaxy in half." BF thanks Void for "a fun twelve-ish minutes" and Void simply sighs.

THEN THERE ARE FREE PLAY SONGS BUT IM NOT MAKING THIS ANY LONGER 💀 ILL DO IT IN A DIFFERENT ASK OR SMTH

[nanaminokanojo]

Happenstance | Kamo Noritoshi

CHARACTERS: Kamo Noritoshi X You CHAPTER COUNT: 1/1 WORD COUNT: 2,287 GENRE: fluff | school au | archer!noritoshi | described reader appearance (i think) TRIGGER WARNING: very mild implied sleeping princess syndrome (somnophilia?) SPOILERS: n/a

collection masterlist

📸 photo credits to @/kawaiimallows22 on Pinterest

Sports fest – an idle time for most but to the athletes of the school.

Kamo Noritoshi was one of them, an archer for the school team and currently representing class two-six. It was a jovial time for most as there weren’t any homeroom activities, but to him, it was yet another one of those boring days in school. It wasn’t new to him nor was it a rare chance for him to get to play unlike the other students as almost every month, he’d join inter-school competitions, most of which were a piece of cake to him. He’d been slinging a bow and arrow since he was five after all. They were the best team there ever was to grace the school grounds and unless they graduate from the institution, there was no way they’d be beaten. It was routine, thus the boredom.

He glanced at his watch. It read exactly half past two. The game he was supposed to be in was already starting, but instead of being in the archery range to shoot some arrows, he was wandering inside the school building, particularly that of the freshmen’s area. It was way quieter there than the other places in the area since all of the students on that floor were excited for the games unlike the upper-class students who found the events of the day tedious. He couldn’t agree more with them. He couldn’t understand why there were such frivolous events apart from the necessary ones. They were of no importance to him and since his class had gotten into the finals, he wasn’t needed anymore.

He treaded his way through the quiet hallways, his footsteps echoing. The surroundings were quite eerie especially that the green glow from the sunlight which was being filtered by the ostentatious greenhouse cast itself across the pristine white walls. He walked the length of the plant conservatory where a few meters of turf had been laid out as a part of the semi-indoor landscape when a strange figure caught his eyes. His stroll halted as he turned on his heels to see what it was, pressing closer to the glass wall with his curiosity overriding him. He squinted, adjusting his vision to the brighter light.

On the grass, he could make out the shape of a person, lying down as if unconsciousness caught them in the middle of a promenade. He arched a brow when he noticed a glistening tuft of long hair on the grass. It was female student – you specifically. Alarmed, he ran back to where the entrance to the greenhouse was and frantically searched for you, thinking you were injured or ailing. He found you on the same spot. Hoping that you were fine, he knelt down beside you. You were lying on your side, your back to him, vulnerable to every single danger that the school grounds could expose you to.

“What are you doing here?” Noritoshi whispered to himself. Ever so carefully, he tried to turn you over so he could at least recognize you. He noticed your hand which held a crimson cravat. A senior, he thought. What was a senior doing at the freshmen’s area? He smirked. Then again, he was a junior and he was there.

Even after you turned over so you were lying on your back, your luxuriant tresses covered your face like a veil. Sucking in air, he reached over, but before he could even touch you, you began stirring. Your hands reached over to your face and brushed your hair absently from your face. A soft sigh escaped your mouth, the creases on your forehead caused by the disturbance slowly smoothing into a peaceful mask as your breathing steadied, your chest rising and falling at an even pace.

Noritoshi scrambled back, frowning when he realized that you hadn’t fainted. You were deliberately there, sleeping. He smiled in amusement, about to leave when a soft breeze managed to make its way through the open vents of the glass dome, rustling the vegetation along with the your dark hair. Suddenly, he found himself taken by the sight of you slumbering before his feet. Your lean, long legs were slightly bent to the right, barely concealed by the short skirt that was your uniform which clung to your hips deliberately, tracing your delicate contours.

His eyes trailed upwards to your face, cheeks lightly flushed and glowing with a healthy tinge of faded roses, lashes thick enough to cast shadows on your cheeks and lips that were the shade of cherries, slightly fuller on the lower part, all framed by sable hair that had lush curls near the tips, scattered on the grassy ground in reckless abandon. You were beautiful…like a garden nymph.

He was enthralled, no other words. He found himself unable to move, wondering where he had seen such a face. He doubted it that you’ve encountered each other since he never really went to the senior department. Aside from that, he never bothered to look at the people in the school long enough in all his two years stay in the institution unless he had something to do with them. He blinked slowly. For the first time, he found himself breathless for someone and he wasn’t expecting that he’d see it in an unconscious girl in the greenhouse.

Thump. Thump.

He swallowed hard, feeling his heart racing the more he stared at the nameless goddess in front of him. With his body finding a mind of its own, he found himself leaning over you until your faces were but a measly inch away from each other. Slowly, his eyes began to droop until they closed, making his lips touch with your slightly open ones. He’d never had the urge to kiss someone so badly and now that he had the chance, you weren’t even responding. He relished the feel of your mouth against his, yielding and soft like candy floss to the slightest of pressures.

What are you doing attacking an unconscious person? Isn’t that cowardly, a nagging voice in his head said, making him snap out of it. He inched away from your sleeping figure and swallowed hard, shaking his head, eyes wide when he realized what he just did. It was so uncommon for him to be losing his mind over anyone. I didn’t just do that.

He glanced at the you, trying to clear his head. He sat down on the grass just beside you, looking up. Frustration took over him, chastising himself for the recklessness of his actions. He thought of how it would look like if the you actually woke up and caught him red-handed. He shrugged the thought off, just glad that you didn’t.

Minutes turned to hours and he still stayed there. The urge to protect you was strong and yet he wasn’t really protecting you, was he? What if it was your first kiss? How he dreaded the thought that he stole it and he didn’t even know whether you liked it or not. He felt loathing for himself when he realized that he was as good as an offender, harassing the you while you slept.

His eyes made its way towards the your tranquil form again and to his surprise, your eyes were open, hazel ones that reflected the canopy of leaves above you. You looked rather disoriented, but even as your vision wandered to him, clear and bright under the afternoon sun, enhancing your features, you exhibited no surprise.

His guilt took the best of him and made him inch away from you, watching as you stretched your arms and blinked sleepily. You pushed yourself up and regarded him with a sleepy smile.

Finally, the goddess spoke. “To what do I owe the honor?” you asked.

Puzzled, Noritoshi shook his head slowly. “Excuse me?”

You sighed, but was happy to repeat yourself. “I said –”

Noritoshi was torn between laughter and frowning. “I heard what you said, but…”

You giggled a bit, narrowing your eyes at him before covering your mouth to yawn. “Now I know why girls fawn over you.”

His brows shot up. “Excuse me?” he said, this time with more edge to it.

Your eyes widened a bit and you fidgeted with your cravat, your shoulders tensing. You winced, returning his gaze with your left eye closed and your right eye slightly squinting. “Shouldn’t have said that.”

Noritoshi shook his head. “No… You don’t get it…”

You relaxed. “What don’t I get?” You lightly scratched the back of your head. “Sorry. I just woke up…er…which you already knew.” You shook your head and rubbed at your eyes.

His head tilted to the side. “You know me.”

At that, you burst into bubbles of laughter. “School team archer, Kamo Noritoshi, who outshines the captain? Who wouldn’t?”

His heart fluttered. The fact that you knew him made him feel glad and guilty at the same time. You knew him and with beauty like yours, he couldn’t wrap his head around the fact that he never noticed you before. He shrugged, your words finally sinking in and he momentarily forgot about what he did. “Not really…”

“And yet I hear rumors about you having to hide in the men’s lavatory because a mob is chasing after you. You’ve got to be kidding me.” You straightened up. “Come on. No need to be humble.” You were easy-going and cheerful, that much he’d figured out. And you also liked to talk. You apologized for your comments and asked, “What are you doing here? Aren’t you supposed to be playing?”

He flashed you a half smile. “I didn’t want to.” He shrugged then. “What about you? Aren’t you supposed to be cheering for your class?”

You blew a raspberry. “I’d rather sleep.”

“Figures.”

You stood up. “I’m going home. Nice talking to you.” You began to make your way out of the greenhouse, waving with your cravat. “See you around.”

Noritoshi stood up and before he could even realize what he was doing, he seized you by the wrist, stopping your progress. You turned around and eyed his hand on yours which he quickly withdrew. “Sorry,” he said breathlessly.

You smiled. “It’s fine. Do you need anything?”

“Your name…” he mumbled.

“Pardon?”

He looked up. “Your name. I…uh…I didn't catch it.”

Your eyes twinkled as you chuckled. “I didn’t mention it.”

Noritoshi’s face heated up and he didn’t need a mirror to tell how badly he was blushing. He looked down.

You bent down slightly. “Are you alright? You’re red,” you said, a confirmation of his thoughts.

He nodded. “Yes. I-it’s hot…that’s all.”

You giggled. “It’s Y/N.”

“Huh?”

“My name is L/N Y/N.”

Y/N. Pretty. He nodded. “L/N Y/N. Thank you. It’s nice to meet you.”

“It’s just Y/N,” you half-whined and pouted a bit. “Do you want me to call you *kohai?”

He shook his head, feeling the slightest annoyance when you suggested it. “N-no.”

“Then call me Y/N and I’ll call you…”

“Idiot?” he said absently, shook his head upon realization and chuckled awkwardly. “I’m kidding.”

“Noritoshi?” you offered, the way his name rolled out of your tongue making him want to hear it more.

“Okay.”

“Noritoshi it is. Bye, Noritoshi.”

You started to walk away again, but he realized it was his chance to make it up to you although you didn’t know what has happened. “Y/N.”

You turned on your heels and looked at him. “Yes?”

“Mind if I walk you home?” he blurted out.

You took his hand. “Not at all, but we should get going before your fan girls start chasing after me.”

Noritoshi chuckled and led the way. You both exited the gate and you just directed him to where you were going, your shoulders touching from time to time as you walked. You didn’t live far from the school just a few blocks and soon, the of you were standing in front of a dainty-looking house with two floors surrounded with lawn and fences the color of faded limes.

“This is me,” you said. “Thank you.”

“Uh…”

“Do you want to walk me to my door?” you asked, voicing Noritoshi’s thoughts out.

“S-sure.”

You chuckled. “Are you always this articulate?”

He chuckled along with you, suppressing the urge to smile like an idiot until you’ve reached the door.

“Thank you,” you said again.

“You’re welcome and…”

You clasped your hands behind you and tilted sideways, your hair falling over your shoulder like it had a life of its own. “And?”

“I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

“Nothing.”

You frowned slightly. “Whatever it is, it’s fine.”

Noritoshi placed a hand behind his neck. “I’m going.”

“Okay, but before that, I’m sorry, too.”

“Huh?” He was confused.

“I’m sorry for this.” Without warning, you wrapped your arms around his neck, stood on your toes and let your lips meet in a bold kiss.

Noritoshi’s eyes widened, but he’d soon grown accustomed to your lips which he already kissed while you were sleeping. Chills ran up and down his spine, as the urgency in your kiss heightened from just a simple contact to a kind of potent wanting. His arm found its way around your waist, holding you closer, not caring if anyone saw you as long as he was happy where he was at the moment.

He was still dazed by the time you pulled back, but contrary to his expectation for you to move further away, you leaned closer to his ear and said, “Naughty Noritoshi stealing a kiss from sleeping Y/N.”

He froze. You knew.

Finally you stood back from him, gave him one last peck on the cheek and winked at him as you opened the front door. “See you at the greenhouse, kiss thief.”

-END-

TERMINOLOGIES:

*kohai (後輩) junior i.e. a person of lower grade/class/age (in school/at work) to the speaker

@fushigummy You asked, I delivered. XD did I do the man justice?

Thank you so much for reading. Likes, comments and reblogs are deeply appreciated! Hope you enjoyed it.

© ORIGINAL WORK BY nanaminokanojo. CHARACTERS ARE INSPIRED BY GEGE AKUTAMI'S JUJUTSU KAISEN. [DATE]

PHOTO/IMAGE/GIF/FANART CREDITS TO THE RESPECTIVE OWNERS.

[m-y-fandoms]

COMMISSION: Kokichi Ouma x Female Reader - Love-Hate Relationship

Thank you to my patron/client! Kokichi is always fun to write

Summary: Kokichi starts to fall for the only person in the killing game who likes him. His best friend is always on his side and has true feelings for him both platonically and romantically, but will he ruin everything with his harsh words and lies?

Friends to Enemies back to Friends to Lovers LMAO - ANGST and FLUFF

Warnings: Vulgar Language, otherwise SFW - Admin Myah

Word Count: 5.1K words 

When it all began, people didn’t like Kokichi. (Y/N) found this little fact out quite quickly. It was quite obvious. He was loud, and obnoxious, and stubborn, and whiny, and a great many other negative adjectives one would use to describe, say… an elementary school student.

 But! … he was also a great many other amazingly fantastical things, such as cunning, intelligent, hilarious, perceptive, adorable. These were the things (Y/N) saw in him, these and a lot more endearing qualities, these things the others seemingly refused to see in him. Even the more intelligent and reasonable of her peers, such as the intuitive detective Shuichi Saihara or the studied anthropologist Korekiyo Shinguuji could admit Kokichi was intelligent, but not much else. (Y/N) didn’t understand it. She truly didn’t think Kokichi was all that awful. Why weren’t they seeing what she saw? From the moment they all arose, groggy and confused in that eerie gymnasium together she knew he would be something special, someone to watch. She had a gift for reading people like that: their souls, their intentions, their true talents.

 The two of them, in time, had even started to become friends where he had none, and she essentially became his only link to the rest of the students. It would often go something like this: 

 Kokichi would reveal something critical, something hidden or potentially deadly that they all must know.

Kokichi, being the stubborn ass that he was, would lie about the details, or the information altogether, switching facts around and embellishing the story with fictional bits and bites.

The other Ultimates would ignore him, call him a liar, engage in some petty squabble.

(Y/N) would vouch for the little lord of lying, and the group would reluctantly scrounge up enough good faith to believe the pair.

 In times like those, (Y/N) would often chastise the tiny tyrant, forever asking him why he couldn’t just play nice and help the group out of the kindness of his heart?

 There was always some nonsensical, facetious, nonchalant response.

 And without fail, the more outspoken students would try to talk some sense into (Y/N), asking her why she put up with him, why she even tried to get to know him, why she liked him.

 But it was no use, she was drawn to him, and there was no stopping or changing it. (Y/N) was always one to latch onto the people who piqued her interest, who plucked her heartstrings, be it romantically or platonically. She found herself enraptured by his mind at first, then his looks, then the way he spoke, and more specifically... the way he spoke to her. 

 Yes, despite what the others thought, she found herself always defending him, and then, she found herself falling for him.

 And he would never in his life admit it, but he was starting to fall for her, too. 

 When the killing game first started, the others thought of him as a brat, just a nuisance. They ignored him and at worst, they told him off like the annoying kid on the playground. Back then, she would still hang out with him, ignoring his teasing jabs or even jabbing back. He found himself surprised with her comebacks and playful insults at times. 

 She was always around, and would never abandon him, a fact he most definitely took advantage of, for when the first killing happened, when Rantaro was taken from them and the killing game transformed from a hypothetical danger into a very, very real one, people started doubting and turning on each other. At that moment, he also was transformed in their mind. He was no longer a brat, he was becoming a villain and potential threat. People were choosing sides, forming cliques, trios, duos, going solo, and so on. 

 And she was always on his side.

 When it came time for their terrified little class of ultimates to enter the trial grounds for the very first time, her podium was directly across from his, as if by fate. Kokichi didn’t believe too much in fate… but he didn’t mind getting a perfect view of her all trial long. He found out quickly that he may come to regret the placement, however, as it also gave her a perfect view of him, and she was no fool like the rest of them. She would watch his expressions, catch the smallest twitch of his lip or raise of his brow. Much like Shuichi, she was one of the only ones who could study his words and actions and weed out the lies… at least most of the time. She wasn’t afraid to call him out on it, and she knew the tone of his voice better than anyone else there. She was making it terribly difficult for him to confuse others, extend the trial, stir up some fun… and he liked that about her. Someone who could keep up with him was certainly not boring… and extremely attractive.

 Even with so many people against him, dismissing both his lies and truths, verbally attacking him, she would hear him out, and by the end of it all, the innocent got out alive. The thrilling and bone-chilling trial ended with a correct verdict. Without their teamwork, even with Shuichi’s genius, it may not have been so.

 With the first trial’s conclusion, Kokichi’d made up his mind to stop simply admiring her and actually get to enjoy that not-boring personality to the fullest. That’s the most he’d give her: that she wasn’t boring, unlike the rest of them. Grabbing her hand, he whisked her away to uncover the newest research labs that Monokuma’d allowed them access to. They inspected them all top to bottom, together as a team. They eventually would do this to every unlocked location in the academy, making short work of the campus while harassing each other, badgering and bantering, hurling insults the entire time. She was the only one he couldn’t exhaust. Just when he began to think it might be a tad bit more romantic to pull some punches for her sake, he discovered he didn’t have to. She’d punch back, and just as hard.

 In fact, he liked her so much, that when his poor classmates were subjected to the horrendous Insect Meet-and-Greet event, she was personally invited by Ouma himself, and not hauled over Gonta’s gentlemanly shoulders and carried, or worse, knocked the fuck out only to wake up surrounded by bugs.

 “How charming,” she teased, rolling her eyes as he stood in the frame of her dorm room’s door.

 “Yeah, you should feel pretty special! I wasted precious energy coming down here to ask you to come!” He exhaled loudly, far too proud of himself.

 “Well, as much as I’d love to be covered in roaches and piss myself when beetles attempt to crawl into every orifice on my body, I can’t. Again, love to, truly, but-”

 “Awwww! But we hang out every night! And you’re lying! You’re never busy you dirty, rotten, lying loser! Who else hangs out with you beside me?! What else do you have to do if it doesn’t involve me? Your life’s a yawn unless I plan your daily itinerary!” He huffed, crossing his arms with a small stomp of one foot. “Gosh, I hate liars!” He pouted.

 “Pout all you want, I’m not going to your bug fest. I hate bugs.”

 “Wait ‘til Gonta hears about your very controversial opinion!” Kokichi gasped, feigning absolute shock.

 “You wouldn’t...” her eyes widened, knowing instantly that she’d fucked up. He didn’t reply, but simply smirked, an evil, plotting, crooked grin creeping across his visage. She sighed deeply, head hanging in defeat.

 “Be my date?” He held out a hand, wiggling his fingers temptingly. Her head shot up, an uncomfortable, flustered warmth running through her cheeks and to the tips of her ears. He caught this immediately, as he caught most changes in the air, and his face twisted into an equally awkward expression for a split second before his brow furrowed and he snarled. “Hurry the fuck up, shithead! You know what I meant! Let’s go or I’m having Tarzan put your ass to sleep!” He spat, and she simply giggled, grabbing his hand before being pulled off.

 “Your date huh? I can’t think of anything I’d love more than some worms in my shoes.”

 ♡

 That morning when they awoke, Ryoma was gone, stolen away in what they assumed was either the night or the early morning. Kokichi was usually very much unfazed, desensitized to most shock and awe in life, but this time… it was different. He was upset, and visibly so, stomping around the crime scene like a child, brooding.

 It wasn’t the loss of a Ryoma, nor the gore and tragedy of the scene that had him so agitated, it was her reaction to it. (Y/N) wore her heart on her sleeve, and she wasn’t afraid to cry in front of others, so it was no surprise that she was in tears now. She’d cried over both Rantaro and Kaede’s deaths, but that was different. Kaede was a girl, and he didn’t care about (Y/N) enough back when Rantaro was killed to be jealous of her tears, but now… he was practically green.

 (Y/N) had actually been pretty close with Ryoma. Like she did with most people, she dug past Ryoma’s appearance and the story he wanted everyone to know, and what she found was a pretty amazing guy. She wasn’t as close to him as she was to Kokichi, but still…

 These weren’t tears of horror from seeing a dead body, or of witnessing a young person’s life cut short. They were tears of mourning the loss of a close friend, and Kokichi was positively boiling.

 By the time he’d managed to cool himself down while effectively hiding his meltdown from the rest of them, (Y/N) had wandered off to start the investigation and avenge her friend with Shuichi. Yeah no, that wasn’t going to happen. She was quickly swept away to start their own little search party. The two of them, the way it was supposed to be. Of course, he would never say all of these embarrassing thoughts aloud. He’d make up some stupid excuse for why she just had to come with him. But it wasn't personal, and he didn’t care about her.

 He didn’t

 He. Didn’t.

 Did he...?

 ♡

 When it came time for the second trial, Kokichi made sure to make fun of (Y/N), calling her a crybaby, mocking her “endless blubbering” and all the valuable time she wasted doing it. He tried desperately, now at war with his own heart and values, to convince himself she was nothing to him, that she was just another pea-brained opponent in this death game, that she was a source of entertainment at best, and nothing else.

 “Shut the fuck up, Miu, nobody wants to hear that gross shit! Cream your pants later!” (Y/N) spoke across the circle to the blonde exhibitionist with a scowl on her face. Miu, in response, shriveled and whined. Kokichi couldn’t help but crack a smile. That was one of the things he loved about (Y/N), how she put people in their place.

 What?! Shit, no! Not loved… I mean she was cool, but... not - his mind raced, trying to shake himself back to the place he wanted to be. Shit!

 The trial went on, and with every word she worsened the self-made conflict within him.

 “How could you say that Kaito?!” (Y/N) howled at the Ultimate Astronaut, who was taken aback by her anger. Kokichi, too, found himself taken aback. Kaito was the “good guy”, the macho action hero, the protagonist’s best friend. While many called Kaito names, dismissed his ridiculous ideas, and even told him he was plain stupid and wrong at times, no one ever truly challenged the trusted hero duo that was Shuichi and Kaito, and certainly not with such unbridled anger. “You must have no idea what it’s like to go through depression, to not see the point in living anymore! How dare you speak ill of Ryoma?! How dare you say he used to be your hero?!” She knew what it was like, those dark thoughts Ryoma must’ve been having for years.

 Kokichi watched her, like a spitfire, a firecracker. He forgot all about his decision to let her go, to stop interacting with her altogether after today, and couldn’t help being pulled in. They spent the rest of the trial working as they usually did: together, as a team. He spoke up more, and they teased each other, flirting harmlessly and carrying on.

 And the others were starting to notice…

 “Man, can’t you two save it for when you’re alone?! Damn! I can practically see you undressing each other with your eyes, bleh!” Miu gagged before letting out one of her infamous cackles. (Y/N)’s face ran hot, instinctively leaning back on her podium. Her bottom lip caught itself between her teeth, at a loss for words as she met Kokichi’s gaze.

 “Yeah right, as if! I’d love to be discussing with literally anyone else here but you guys all have the personality of dirty pond water…” Kokichi sighed defensively, looking at his nails as if Miu’s words meant nothing to him. 

 (Y/N) knew how he was, she knew harsh words and lies were his coping mechanism, but she couldn’t help the way her shoulders sunk.

 ♡

 Despite her hurting heart, when Kokichi - the shit-stirrer that he was - revealed Maki’s truth to the group after Kirumi’s execution, (Y/N) was the only one to throw herself between them, prying Maki’s hands from her best friend’s throat.

 “Fuck, now she’s out here tryna die for this asshole!” Miu crowed. “HA HA! They’re definitely fuckin’!” She held her stomach, practically in tears from her laughing fit.

“Shut up! Just shut up!” (Y/N) pushed past the crowd, tired of them, tired of the humiliation, tired of Kokichi, tired of all of it. She left the trial room, running all the way and not stopping until she was locked up in her room.

 After the public embarrassment and Kokichi’s heartless dismissal of their… complicated relationship, maybe….

Maybe now it was her turn to cut him off.

 ♡

Days passed and she refused to see him. She stayed locked up in her room at night and avoided him during the day, well... avoided him as best she could. Kokichi wasn’t one to be ignored if he didn’t want to be. He persisted, harassing and tracking her around, begging her to talk to him, to play, to prank others with him, to investigate the new research labs, but she simply pretended he wasn’t there. It hurt, it really hurt to shut him out, but to go on with him acting like she didn’t matter in public and then deciding she did in private hurt even worse. Her loyalty could only go so far. She wouldn’t allow him to mess with her heart any longer… or so she thought.

 ♡

Hours before the third trial was to commence, (Y/N) found herself outside of Korekiyo’s research lab when what looked like a walking corpse stumbled by. She cried out, running over to a dazed Kokichi, bumbling about light-headed and pale, with fresh blood running freely down his head.

 “Kokichi!” Her feelings be damned! She couldn’t just sit there and watch him suffer or worse. Who knew how much blood he’d already lost? Crazed with worry, she threw his arm over her shoulder, looking around frantically wondering why no one else had noticed him yet.

 The answer was simple: no one else cared. They probably had noticed and simply written him off. (Y/N) pouted, contemplating leaving him there… she was supposed to be mad at him.

 “Ohhhhh… gah! ...Damn you, Kokichi!” How did he keep doing this? How was he worming his evil little ass into her heart again and again?! She began dragging him down the stairs and toward the dorms. The investigation would have to wait.

“(Y-Y/N)...?” Kokichi mumbled in his ditzy state. “Hoo hoo! I thought we weren’t talkin’?!” He nearly tumbled from her arms, weak and wobbly.

 “Oh, shut up, asshole!” (Y/N) growled, nearing the dormitory area and pulling him into her room.

 ♡

 “Man, that sucked!” Kokichi sat leaned against the glass of the sliding shower door in the small personal offshoot bathroom attached to her small dorm room. A cold washcloth sat covering his forehead, wetting the messy strands of his long bangs.

 “Tell me again why you didn’t just call for help once you realized how badly you were bleeding?” (Y/N) made small talk, wringing out the soiled rag she’d initially used to clean him off. He took a swig of some icy bottled water she’d provided and glowered, his bottom lip out in contemplation.

 “ ‘Cause I didn’t think anyone would come…” he spoke flatly, exhausted with the loss of blood and shittiness of it all. She froze, turning to him.

 “I’m sorry…” she sighed, replacing the washcloth on his head with some gauze that she started to gently wrap around the rather deep wound.

 “You should be! Hmpf!” He crossed his arms and she pulled on the gauze sharply, tightly constricting the oozing sore. “Shit!”

 “Don’t start, dickhead. You’re lucky I’m choosing to forgive you!” She chided. He shot her a dirty look, and for moments they sat in silence.

 “... For a moment I thought you hated me… like the rest of them,” he finally spoke up, any amount of silence torturous to his child-like psyche. She felt her heart sink.

 “... I could never.” She smiled softly, fighting off a nagging frown that threatened to present itself. Before he could make this even more awkward, she stood, taking control of the situation. “Okay, I’ll be right back, you stay right here. I don’t want you passing out again.” She took off, closing the bathroom door and sneaking away into the main room.

 Shuffling through her closet and by extension her Monokuma-provided wardrobe, she peeled off first her shirt then her uniform’s skirt, both now completely ruined by dark patches of Kokichi’s blood, her reward for carrying his sorry ass all the way here. Now in only her underwear, she reached for a replacement uniform and wandered over to her bedside table for her deodorant and some facial wipes. As she wiped the grime and sweat from the crevices of her oily face, the bathroom door slid open with an impatient force behind it.

 “I’m boooooooored-”

 “Ahh!” She screeched, rushing to cover herself up before she could even process what was happening, but the only things nearby were her comforter and intricate uniform.

 “Oh, God! Why are you naked?!” Kokichi hollered, his face turning beet red. (Y/N) pulled the comforter up and around her body, her uniform falling from the bed.

 “I told you to wait there!” Her cheeks felt engulfed in flames, the skin all over her body hot and her feathers effectively ruffled.

 “You didn’t say why! You didn’t say you were doing a strip show in here!” He retorted, covering his eyes with one arm, more for her to save face than out of his own desire.

 “Get out! Just get out!” She screamed, tears pricking her eyes.

 “But-!”

 “Now!!” Full of a genre of rage he almost never felt, he conceded, stomping out of her room without another word.

 (Y/N) fell to her bed, screaming into her pillow like nobody’s business. She felt ashamed, mortified, infuriated. Why, for once, couldn’t he just listen?! Her body was never something she was confident in or proud of, and now, to have him, the guy she had feelings for see her like that, and not only practically naked, but caught off guard… it was as more than she could handle.

 ♡

 The trial room was relatively quiet that afternoon. The usual suspects were chatting, defending themselves, accusing others. Shuichi was having a pretty smooth trial - a blessing in his eyes - with Kokichi not giving him an easier time than usual. When he did speak, it was his usual lies, with an underlying irritated tone, but he never spoke a word to (Y/N), and (Y/N) hardly spoke at all. After some time, someone addressed the elephant in the room… err, other than the murders, that is…

 “Soooo, uh…” Kaito, courageous as always, spoke out, “(Y/N), you awake over there? We could use some help to, you know, find the culprit so we don’t all bite it?” He was only somewhat gentle with his words, having already made up with her after the last trial’s argument, but anxious over the current situation. “Shuichi and I can’t handle this on our own! You usually have a lot to say!”

 “I resent that comment, Kaito, as I believe I help plenty, but yes,” Kiibo rolled his metallic eyes to the sky, ever focused on the current goal, “you do usually have more to say, (Y/N). We could really use another opinion here.”

 “Something wrong with (Y/N)?” Gonta, always concerned for his friends’ feelings inquired, brows furrowed in concern.

 “Hah!” Miu spat. “Of course something’s wrong! Haven't you noticed that little prick over there ain’t feedin’ us his bullshit nearly as much as neither?!” She pointed at Kokichi before placing a haughty hand on her hip. “He probably slipped her his little prick, and it was so tiny she was turned off for good! Probably can’t even speak, she’s so disappointed! Hella awkward!” She roared. Everyone exchanged the familiar looks of disgust or scorn that came after one of Miu’s outbursts, and as (Y/N) opened her mouth to defend them both, she was cut off.

 “More like the other way around!” Kokichi hurled Miu’s statements right back in her face, his knuckles crunching down on his podium with a vice-like grip. “After I saw her naked earlier, I was the one leaving with a softie!” He growled, his frustrations, self-loathing, and need to be in control and defend himself all culminating in these toxically destructive words.

 A few audible gasps were heard in the room, a few laughs from Monokuma and his remaining offspring, and the more mature students such as Maki and Shuichi simply sighing in exhaustion, wondering why they kept getting off track with useless information. (Y/N) felt her knees almost buckle.

 No. Not this time! She heard her mind shout at her heart, and she slammed her hands down on her podium, all embarrassment melting into pure rage.

“YOU- GOD!” An encore slam down onto the flat metal, “You FUCKING asshole! That’s not what happened you goddamn fucking LIAR, and you know it!” Her voice was hoarse with the force of it.

 “Uh oh! Struck a ner-” Miu began to speak.

 “You shut the fuck up!” (Y/N) pointed to the busty instigator before directing her venomous ire back at Kokichi, who refused to look her in the eyes. “I did everything to help you after your dumb ass fell through the fucking floor, and this is how I’m repaid?! I do everything with you and for you, and this is how you treat me?! Why do you always sit here and lie to these people about us?! Fucking shithead fucking-” she was struggling for words, holding back tears. “You tell them the truth, that I had your blood all over me from patching you up because no one else likes your sorry ass! Everyone else would’ve left you passed out on the floor or worse dead from blood loss or killed by the culprit who seems to be on a fucking spree!” She gestured wildly, talking with her hands. “You walked in on me changing my bloody clothes! It was your fault! Just like it’s your fault that you have one fr-” her voice broke, and she looked to her feet. “No friends. Fuck you… Shuichi just finish the fucking trial we all know who the culprit is.” She looked down the rest of the trial, saying nothing, hearing nothing, just a ringing in her ears.

 “This is reeeeeeal fuckin’ awkward and I hate it here,” Miu cooed, rubbing her hands together.

 ♡

 As soon as the trial was over, Kokichi, feeling the weight of his best friend’s words, searched high and low for her. The campus was huge with many places to hide, but he knew her well, and he knew her favorite spots. He checked the AV room, library, casino, her research lab, and her room first, then everywhere else, asking anyone he came across about her whereabouts.

“Dude you messed up, even by your standards,” Kaito demeaned with a righteous fist in the air.

“I think it’s completely reasonable that she would not want to speak with you,” Kiibo sighed.

“Kokichi, you probably really hurt her. Just let her be, that’s the right thing to do,” Shuichi offered guidance even to the worst of his peers any time he could.

“Why are you speaking to me?” Maki walked away.

♡

At long last, finding himself in the basement after wallowing around the school for a while, he opened the door to the AV room for some space and privacy, seeing as it was rarely used since Rantaro’s death. He gasped.

 “(Y/N)!” She turned from her position reading on the little couch, startled, and immediately turned back upon seeing the owner of the voice. He closed the door behind him, shuffling over with his tail between his legs. Quickly, before she could notice, he forced a rather convincing peppy voice. “The heck?! I already checked here!” She knew that. She’d been there earlier, and left when she heard he was making the rounds only to return later, but she didn’t say as much now. “Soooo? Whatcha readin’?” He grinned, plopping down on the floor beside her seated position on the couch. She didn’t respond, didn’t change her expression, and merely kept reading. “C’mon!!! Reading’s boring!!! Well,” he tapped his finger on his lip pensively “not always! But your taste in books is! Let’s at least go find some good shit to read together!” She had not the mental or physical energy, the want nor the need to banter with him. As far as she was concerned, this… whatever it was, was over. 

 Kokichi sighed, taking the hint to stop talking but not the hint to leave her the fuck alone. She would not physically kick him out, he knew this, and it seemed she wouldn’t do it verbally either. It was safer not to be alone, she rationalized in her mind… well, only if the group knew who was paired up and when, but he would never hurt her… physically. And she would never hurt him. And so, Kokichi resolved to sit there, just sit there and stare: at the ceiling, at her, at his thumbs. After the first thirty minutes he began to make pretend snow angels on the ground with his arms and legs flopping together and apart. He lapped around the room a few times, looked through the DVD options, sat with her on the couch, moved closer, then further, then closer, back and forth trying to get some reaction. Usually he could at least annoy someone into paying attention to him. Even negative attention was still attention. She was never like this with him. This was bad… he could feel his selfish little heart ache.

 An hour passed, and then another. She’d picked up a sketch pad she’d stored in the couch cushions, doodled, changed books, and now was reading again. He’d begun running his fingers up and down her thigh, making explosion and car noises when he hit her knee. And finally, he spoke.

 “You know, you’re super brave to be down here alone, you know... before I got here I mean… or at all really. Place is spooky… haunted since Rantaro got murked. No one comes down here but you. Surprised you’re down here… but I guess you always are.” He could feel the stone wall she’d put up between them. “You know, it kinda sucks, that we lost Rantaro…”

 “...and Ryoma, and Tenko, and Kirumi, Angie, Kiyo, Kaede…” she spoke up, irritated by his flippance. “Don’t forget them like they don’t matter.” He twiddled his thumbs in response.

 “At least you didn’t die…” he tapped on the back of the book you were reading, making the pages shake before her eyes.

 “Like you’d care if I did,” she replied without hesitation.

 “I woooooould,” he pulled at her sleeve like a toddler aching to be picked up.

 “I’m ugly. I’m fat and hideous and a turn off and just disgusting, right? So who cares if I die?” She spoke like she was reciting a grocery list: monotone, uninterested.

 “Well… I can still care about ugly people…” he batted his eyelashes innocently. The look she shot him told him she was not in the mode for jokes. “B-but, you’re not ugly! You’re way hotter than Maki or Miu or any other hag here! I just said all that stuff to catch Miu off guard! It was all a lie!” He was getting nervous now, sitting upright beside her on the couch.

 “That is not an apology,” she rebuked.

 “Aww come on, forgive me!” He collapsed, resting face down on her stomach and stretching his body out on the cushions behind him. “You’re my best friend…” His words were muffled, but she could make them out still. “You’re more than that…” her ears perked up, and she began to hear sniveling. Slowly, a wetness began to seep through her shirt onto her abdomen.

 Was he…?

 She placed a single hand on the back of his black locks and ran her fingers through the messy mop. The other placed the book on the floor then joined the other. For a few peaceful moments they sat silently while she stroked his scalp and played with the waves.

 “I’m sorry…” an apology came through his sniffles, but he would not lift his head up, never in a million years would someone see him cry genuine tears.

 “I can’t hear you,” she lied, something she learned from him. A devious smirk he could not see crossed her lips.

 “Yes you can!” Muffled frustration vibrated her tummy.

 “Well since I can’t hear you anyway this conversation is ov-”

 His head shot upward, a snarl crossing his red, moist, puffy face. He pulled his knees up, leaning forward with all his weight

And pressed his lips deeply into hers.

[stopeatingwhales]

particles x damon albarn

the lyrics to this song are genuinely so beautiful, like i honestly cannot describe enough how much i adore this song my goodness

Pairing: present day damon x reader

Warnings: none :D

Word count: 1.881

Requested by anon <3

༉‧₊˚✧

It had been two months since I had last seen him. Two whole months since he had set foot in our home; two whole months since he said goodbye to leave for tour. The home that we shared had began to inhabit a sense of eeriness, some nights the walls began to feel as if they were closing in on me, trapping me from any interaction with the outside world, as if to hold me hostage by my own insanity, although other nights the space felt extremely large, almost too big for one person to be able to waste their nights alone in, encapsulating my mind in a constant conflict of obstructive thoughts, forcing me to overthink every tiny detail that was conveyed on the pale stained walls, the wooden floorboards, the arrangement of the furniture, resulting in many a time of me moving around heavy tables and chairs until the image of the room settled my mind’s anxiety. Allowing distance to get in the lines of mine and Damon’s relationship, it was simply uncanny that I was going to miss him; he was the carcass that kept me sane, the being that granted me peace in myself, ease on my mind to prevent such mania from enrapturing my brain, the person that engulfed me into a stupor of adoration and affection that one could never understand the authentic strength until felt - what some perceive as paramour, true love, something so overstimulating that once separated such thing desperation beguiles you to surround yourself with, only a mere sensation of emptiness is all that is felt inside, as if your limbs are damaged, your insides constantly in a state of sickness that you are convinced you’re in need of some form of professional assistance, but it is simply the alchemy, the poison of the apprehension that captivates you from the estrangement from your significant other. Though that wasn’t to say that wasn’t proud of Damon; I embraced fondness and admiration for everything that he did and was so dedicated in doing, his talent and immense knowledge for the art form that speaks to you demonstrated his ability to move millions of people, uniting as one in concerts, all touched from the same, simple string of melodies, proving his true gift and genius that is inside his brain.

I tried to pry my thoughts away from the excitement that had been seeping into my veins from the fact that he was returning home today, in an attempt to focus my mind on whatever had been showing on the television, but there was no use. To be cradled in his arms was all that I had longed, the thought clouding my brain almost every single night that I had thrown my body onto the linen sheets, trying to wrap my body around the duvet to replicate the specific warmth that had enveloped my body when in his arms, his body completely dominating mine, his hands running through my hair gently, apologising with a kiss on the top of my head when he accidentally pulled too roughly, my face buried in his chest as a blush would suddenly creep onto my cheeks, our embrace fulfilling me with a nest of blooming butterflies in my body, a poignant sensation of nervousness and reverence for the man that had me cooped up in his arms, the same feelings that would embody you whilst walking past your first crush during primary school, accidentally brushing your hands against one another’s, sending your mind into overdrive as if to think that the person was the love of your life. Such emotions never left, and I doubted that they ever would; supposing that is true love, he could make me feel like a little girl squealing over her teenage idol because of how perfect he was, just from being himself.

“I’m home, love,” I heard a voice call out in the hallway, accompanied by the soft slam of the front door, the tone of voice lacing a certain amount of raspiness, perhaps from a cigarette that had just been inhaled. My head instantly turned to the door of the living room, eyes settling upon the sight of Damon, who had a small grin curved on his lips, his gaze captured with joy and desire, perhaps from gratification towards the understanding that the tour had finally ended, as well as the fact that he was able to finally see me once again - my expression equally reciprocating his happiness. Instantly jumping from my seat on the couch, I rushed over to him as I threw my arms around him, resting my ear against his chest, listening to the soft pattern of his heartbeat. As usual, his arms wrapped around my figure, tightly embracing my body, the swarm of butterflies breaking out of their cocoons, my limbs growing weak from the recognisable thrill of affection that I had desired for far too long, and had sadly not received. Feeling his lips grazing against the top of my head made my mind go fuzzy, my cheeks flushing a heat that made me feel as if I was under the beating warmth of the sun during the summer months. This is what he does to me. “How’ve you been darling? I see you’ve rearranged the place, again.” he mumbled into my head of hair, my mind still relishing in the pleasure of being in his arms again.

“I’ve missed you,” I replied, reluctantly pulling my arms away from the embrace, in order to gawk at him. A gentle chuckle rumbled from his throat, though his features accentuated pity, understanding how I must’ve felt being away from him for so long. Lightly taking hold of one of his hands, I dragged his arm, guiding him to the sofa, where both of us sat next to each other. “You were gone for so long!”

“I know love, I’ve missed you so much,” he replied, squeezing my hand in reassurance. “At least I’m not gone for any longer though.” he added, his lips curving slightly as I nodded, a similar grin planted on my lips.

“How was the tour then?” I asked, pulling his arm to wrap it around my shoulders, my body already aching for more attachment to him. “The videos I’ve seen online made it look very good.”

“It was great, honestly. Loved every bit of it.” he replied, the grip on my shoulder tightening as he attempted to haul me closer to him. Humming in agreement, I placed my head on his shoulder, cradling the moment we shared together, the moment that I had imagined and adorned each and every night he was absent, cherishing every single time that he was able to be in my presence. I depended on him greatly, as did he, and though that may be a toxic strand which can only result in turmoil; our appreciation for one another held such poise that it would draw us closer together each and every time we had conjoined together after months of being separated. “I’ve actually got something to show you.” he added, shifting from our hug and slowly stepping to his feet, taking his hand in mine, his soft but coarse palms gripping onto mine ever so slightly, urging me to stand up too. “Come with me.”

Following him closely, we headed towards his studio. I had forgotten the last time that I had set foot in it; usually I would leave Damon to work on his craft alone, since having me prance around messing with all sorts of instruments and controls wasn’t going to provide much assistance. As well as that, sitting in the room, knowing that he was away and would be for many days on, would only make me yearn for his presence more, which is the last of what I would need when not being able to fall asleep. Though whenever he would call me into the room, he would always show me the most beautifully crafted symphony, in which he would perform it so effortlessly, as if it was simply created from the top of his head at that moment. Talent like his was so scarce; it would only prove to me that it’s something you are gifted with at birth, like an extremely high intelligence quotient - he always had ideas running through his mind, melodies that would be formed from a simple tap of the table in front of him. It was a wonder in the fact that he seemingly never got burned out with creating music, it was evidently his passion, and it touched me that he would constantly ask me for my opinion on his music, as it always resonated with him, always held such importance.

When we walked inside the studio, I followed him to the grand piano that was standing by the corner of the room. I kept my body upright, behind him, as he pulled out the black stool underneath, moving it back slightly in order for him to sit on it. “Over the tour, I had some free time, so I wrote this song, it’s called Particles,” he began, his voice quiet, as if it were intertwined with a certain anxiousness about what he was about to perform. “It’s still a work in progress, but I wanted to know what you thought of it.”

As I admired his fingers softly grazing the elegant, pale keys of the piano, the melody that in which played forth me instantaneously sufficed me in a trance, bewilderment encompassing my my mind as I listened to the sounds of the alluring chords echo throughout the room, bounce off the walls, the waves of noise crafting mountainous regions of goosebumps to prickle on the bare skin exposed from my forearms. Sculpted with such elegance and formality, my mouth fell agape as he played with such ease - in that significant moment, I was subdued to his music, hypnotised into his magnificence; I could do nothing, absolutely nothing, except admire the grace that fell from his lips once he started singing. As I allowed my gaze to drift onto his face, I gawked at his demeanour, his eyes almost screwed shut, his face almost frozen in place as his body rocked back and forth to the melody that was omitted from the piano. Every word, every string of lines carried a lugubrious essence to it, a tone laced with such beautification; obvious that there were deeper implications behind said lyrics. Each line that escaped his throat exemplified the nature of what earnest fervour, authentic devotion and expertise can embody. Such melody, paired with his voice embodied with pure ethereality, as if I was being greeted by a herd of the most quaint angels, welcoming my soul into the seven heavens. A beam crawled onto my lips, my heart thumping at a million miles per hour from the amount of love I carried in my body for the man in front of me.

Once the song ended, a moment was held in the atmosphere of mere silence, as if to take in all that was felt, all that had vibrated through the sound waves and blessed my ears. Shifting his body so he could connect eyes with me, a gentle, welcoming smile tugged on his lips. “That’s for you.”