#I want to take a psychedelic so bad but also I think it would for sure fuck up my brain a bit like with my history with psychosis already

[asurrogateblog]

The Syd Poll

the topic of this poll is one that is frequently avoided in the pink floyd fandom, but inevitably one we all consider – our individual views on what we think caused syd's psychological struggles (and by extension, led to his departure from the band). I think that – at least in this neighborhood of tumblr – this is a conversation we are capable of having in a way that is civil, nuanced, and at least minimally disrespectful to syd.

So, to help facilitate this, here are some ground rules:

let's all assume we have a mutual understanding of the complexities of this. syd could never actually be reduced down to a poll, and all of our viewpoints are limited in various ways

the poll options just serve as just a conversation starter, and responses are not necessarily a statement of absolute beliefs

feel free to discuss as much or as little of your own perspective as you feel comfortable sharing.

in the case that debates break out, please try to assume good intent – and also demonstrate it (unless, for instance, someone is being blatantly insulting beyond a misunderstanding that needs correcting)

please do NOT vote if you are not actually a pink floyd fan with at least basic knowledge about what we're talking about here.

The options I've included below are not meant to be exhaustive, they are simply the "theories" that I have seen most commonly circulated. I have also decided not to include combinations. I'm fairly sure we'd all agree multiple factors were involved. Rather than make the poll too complicated, I ask you to instead select the one that you think is the "most" important to your viewpoint, and clarify further in your tags/comments as you wish.

so. here we go.

READ BEFORE VOTING ^^^^

(note of correction: "late-onset schizophrenia" should just be "schizophrenia". the typical timeline for onset of symptoms is late adolescence/early adulthood, so syd would've been well within that period at the time)

[milo-is-rambling]

Low key glad I didn’t grow up with cool kids bc like yeah I snuck vodka and smoked weed and cigarettes as a preteen but by the time other kids caught up to me I had stopped doing all the bad shit I wasn’t supposed to do but like. If I was friends with ppl who could get better drugs or alcohol when I was 13-now I would be totally fucked lmao

[604to647]

Fics that Live in My Mind, Rent Free (Pedro's Version) - Part 2

Welp! It seems there are link and tag limits? Who knew? Not this newb 😂😂 When I said that I've read so many good fanfics, I really meant it. Again, below the cut is a continuation of the list of some of my fave Pedro character fanfics that I've read on this site - ones I think about and revisit often. These are all fics I should have/would have reblogged if only I wasn't so weirdly nervous about it; in 2024 we will muster up some courage and reblog (it will be slow, probably, but I promise I will be trying!). This is a good time for me to also say that one of the reasons I am motivated to step out of my comfort zone on this is because of the genuine joy every comment/reblog/like has brought me this year as a new writer - thank you all from the bottom of my heart for the kind reception on anything I have ever posted. 🥹 ilysm 😘

Anyways, we press forward (Part 1 of Rent Free PPCU fics can be found here):

Din Djarin (The Mandalorian, GOAT)

Of Shadows and Roses by @the-scandalorian (Bodyguard!Din x Royalty!Reader)

All Mine by @mellowswriting (Possessive!Din after Reader uses herself as bait)

Narcissus by @bits-and-babs (Armour/mirror sex)

Looking out for you by @beskarandblasters (Jealous!Din after Reader uses herself as bait)

Cherry Liqueur by @decembermidnight (Reader teases Mando in public)

Breaking in the New House by @beskarandblasters (I love Husband!Din and Wife!Reader fics)

Javier Pena (Narcos)

Sweet Dreams by @javiscigarette (Javi can't sleep)

Phone Sex...amiright? by @tightjeansjavi (Reader calls Javi at work)

Sharing is Caring by @ezrasversion (Corrupt DEA Agent!Javi, Mafia AU!Joel Miller, Reader Threesome)

The Saint, the Sinner, and the Devil by @joelsgirl (Corrupt DEA Agent!Javi, DBF Mafia AU!Joel Miller, Reader Threesome)

MIA by @itsharleystuff (Jealous!Javi with Undercover!Reader)

Surprising Javi P with a Lingerie Set by @swiftispunk

Not here...not now by @gracieispunk (Reader visits Javi at work)

Bunny by @whatsnewalycat (Sex Phone Operator!Reader; Part 2 is great too!)

Ease by @javiscigarette (Javi takes care of Reader after a bad day)

Joel Miller (TLOU)

Say It Right, Peeping Neighbour, and Right Place, Right Time by @chaotic-mystery (All the DBF and BFD fics are amazing; these are my fave)

Quickie by @joelscruff (This falls in the middle of the Boyfriend's Dad series, but it's the first one I read and I was hooked!)

That Funny Feeling by @bluebeary-jay (Joel loves pet names 🥹)

I've Got Lust on My Tongue by @itgetsdark-x (Bratty reader a la Maddy Perez)

The Babysitter, Part 1 by @proxima-writes (There's a Part 2 as well!)

Under the Table by @toxicanonymity (A lot of good Joelkemons, but Speakeasy is a classic and maybe my fave?)

Online Friends, Sticking it to the PTA, and Caught Sunbathing by @walkintotheriveranddisappear (All of Emma's Joel fics are really hot [honestly you can't go wrong], but these are my faves)

Late Night Smoke by @bettercallwillow (Dbf smoking. sigh)

Calling Joel Daddy by @inkedells (I honestly love it when authors bold the dirty talk 🤭)

Gimme What I Want and In the Next Room by @atticrissfinch (The masterlist is some of the hottest Joel fic, if I may say so; these are my faves)

An Open Window by @velvetmud (Joel being a peeping tom; I also always hope for a sequel to this one!)

Crave by @toxic-seduction (Part 2; Reader finds Joel in the QZ)

Good Luck Charm by @javiscigarette (Joel watches the football game)

Ravish by @psychedelic-ink (Webcam Model!Reader; Part 2 is also incredible!)

I Know it When I see It by @bageldaddy (Pornstars!Joel and Readers. This series has me and everyone else, I think, in a chokehold. Reading, as well, the writer's thoughts and feelings about the porn industry and the care put into the characters is such a joy and makes the fic that much more rich)

Chaser series by @livingemkayde (Nanny!Reader and a love triangle; not finished but so good I'm happy to wait forever)

Right my Wrongs by @chloeangelic (Father in Law!Joel)

In A Feud with Her Neighbour by @proxima-writes (Read this delicious fic and the bonus scenes will be the icing on top)

Kiss and Tell by @toxic-seduction (Stepdad!Joel and mom goes away for the weekend)

Peaches and Cream by @javiscigarette (Joel buys reader peaches)

Didn't Cha Know by @chloeangelic (The Joel Reader has been pining for is her boyfriend's brother)

Gif to breakup the text block:

Camgirl by @phuckinphia (Another Camgirl but this time she's Sarah's friend 🫣)

The Right Wrong Number by @proxima-writes (Sarah's soccer coach!Reader)

Nightmares by @fruispunk (QZ!Reader has nightmares that Joel hears and mistakens for something else)

Damage Done by @bluebeary-jay (Joel accidentally triggers Reader; mind the tags. Heavy angst, heavy topic that is beautifully written)

Yes, Mr. Miller by pedropascallme (Babysitter!Reader, Part 2 Thank You, Mr. Miller is also excellent)

How Long series by @gracieheartspedro (Link is to Part 1; series is complete and wonderfully hot and emotional. Reader's boyfriend Tommy is a cheat😢)

Francisco "Catfish" Morales (Triple Frontier)

Fictional Death by @psychedelic-ink (Frankie comforts Reader)

Well Fed by @the-ginger-hedge-witch (Frankie is HAPPY 🥹)

Forest Ranger AU by @the-ginger-hedge-witch (I'm not an outdoorsy person but this AU makes me wish I was)

It's Always the Quiet Ones by @thot-of-khonshu (Frankie surprises Reader)

Pero Tovar (The Great Wall)

Kinktober 2022 - Breeding by @moralesispunk (Guard!Pero and Royalty!Reader)

Bodily Exchange by @absurdthirst (Mafia AU!Pero and daughter of mafia boss Reader)

Damnation or Salvation by @absurdthirst (Pero is sent to retrieve Reader)

Dying Wish by @absurdthirst (Pero makes Reader's father a promise; okay at this point, just all of Keri's Pero fics 🤭)

Marcus Moreno (We Can Be Heroes)

Beat Poetry on Amphetamines by @psychedelic-ink (Marcus comes home hurt)

[homunculus-argument]

Have you ever had one of those things happen that just straight-up sound like something that'd only go down in a badly written sitcom?

This one time a few years ago, I had nothing to do in the middle of the day so I went out to wander around the city, and encountered one of those christian missionaries of some sort - not mormons, some local finnish-speaking one, probably Jehova's witnesses, I can't recall - who addressed me first. Having only gone out to kill time I figured I'd stop to see what he had to say, this might get interesting.

He started talking about sin, and I told him that I don't think that's real, humans aren't inherently bad creatures that need to be goaded into not doing evil by an outside force. Apparently taken back by my confidence about this, he asked me why I think so. And while I was absolutely not this eloquent about it while talking as I am typing it out now, I explained that if doing good didn't come naturally to people, it wouldn't feel good to do it. There's been studies about that - it makes people feel happy to help others, even when they gain nothing from it, or even at a cost to themselves sometimes.

Doing good things feels good for the same reason as eating, sleeping and having sex feel good - because we're supposed to do it. It doesn't matter to me why that is - either there's a god who made people with inherent goodness to them, or natural selection of the cold uncaring universe saw this behaviour as beneficial for survival. People want to be good to one-another just like migratory birds want to fly south for the winter.

He gave me his best annoyed "alright, fair enough"-shrug and was clearly trying to think of how to disagree with that when we were interrupted. I have no idea how a person that large and entirely indifferent to concepts like subtlety, stealth or an indoor voice even can sneak up on people, but we were both startled when someone I had briefly met appeared out of apparent nowhere, loudly going

HEY AREN'T YOU THAT TRANNY FROM THE PARK

addressing me. I used to go drinking at the park quite often back then, and while I did meet a lot of people that way and my memory is the first thing to disappear when I'm drunk, someone that loud, tall and broad-shouldered, covered in tattoos, with long hair, braided beard and electric blue eyeshadow isn't someone you easily forget. I was, indeed, the tranny from the park and I had been the person who had explained the concept of "nonbinary" to them.

My acquaintance here was somewhere between 30 and 50 and not exactly up to whatever the kids are doing these days, and their reaction to this information was roughly "oh huh so there's a name for the thing I'm doing". As they only spoke finnish, I can't say that I would have been the one to explain the concept of gender neutral pronouns to them, but they had been fascinated to discover that other languages have gendered pronouns in the first place.

Refreshing my memory of the encounter - and apparently unintentionally also recounting it to the missionary who was still silently standing with us - they proceeded to explain that they've never really felt like a man or a woman. And sometimes not really even like a human, but more like an alien who had just been dropped off here from a spaceship - but not like in a psychotic delusions sort of way, but just the vibes, you know? They then proceeded to tell us about some other fascinating epiphanies that they had had while on psychedelics.

As they went on, the christian missionary next to us was drifting backwards so slowly that I don't think I noticed him actually take an individual backwards step, just silently sliding gradually further away from this situation, with apparent mild concern. And while my happenstance acquaintance - whose name I either never heard or couldn't remember hearing - was talking, I noticed I had gotten a text message from a friend, who asked if I'm around and whether I want to come hang out.

So as the nonbinary giant self-appointed alien was finished with their story and took their leave - telling me that they'll probably see me around, and as I was around a lot, I reassured them that they would - I turned to the missionary and told him that while I'd love to carry on with what we were talking about, I actually have people to see now, and bid him good luck with whatever he was trying to do.

It's been like five years between that day and today, and during that time I moved to a different city and back here. I don't think I've seen the nonbinary giant again even once during this time, and wherever they are, I hope they're doing ok and no longer doing any weird drugs. Or if they are, that at least they're having fun.

[kaiasky]

ok so here is my best understanding of weed from someone who has never smoked it, except for that one time i smoked it.

weed is apparently a flower not a leaf. the other bits have thc but people are wusses and don't smonk them. EXTREMELY silly since the cannabis leaf shape is so iconic. (the only parallel that even comes close is that the aminita muscaria is the icon of psychedelics despite not being a psyllocybin mushroom.)

i think like only one sex of plant has flowers that are worth smonking and it's a big thing to ensure all your seeds are female.

for some reason chewing it raw doesn't get you high you need to heat it up? (which i learned because i was worried that if i could smell unburnt weed in storage i was getting a contact high)

in general i feel that weed fans are maybe a bit of pussies like idk, simply smoke 3x the weed if it has 3x lower concentration, idgi? skissue.

People have strong opinions on how to get their weed but it seems like generally: in illegal places you talk to the most annoying person you know, and in legal places you go into an app store and place an order on an iPad and if you go to the front desk they say they can't help you, place an order on the ipad. or you order it online with various promises about how fast it'll get there and how little you need to interact with another human being.

there is an item known as a grinder which seems terribly designed and intended to spill as much cannabis on the ground as possible. why does this item look like a petri dish and not have an inbuilt funnel or something? i do not know.

the grinders job is to turn weed, which started life as loose ground up buds and was compacted into brussel sprouts of slightly more compressed ground up buds, into loose ground up buds, so it can be recompacted into slightly more compressed ground up buds in a weed cigarette bunt

the airflow of a joint is a mystery to me because my mental model of it is just you take the rolling paper and roll it up, lick it to seal it shut, and then twist the ends shut like a tootsie roll. which would block you from being able to suck the air in, no? my best guess is it's not entirely airtight and you just draw breath through the paper.

similarly, once you light it i don't understand what prevents the weed from spilling out the open end. if you blew on a joint would it spray everyone with smouldering weed?

i think most joints are unfiltered because idk. in general ig my perception is that cigarette users prize the aesthetics of a manufactured and standardized product while weed users prize the aesthetics of handrolling as a craft.

theres some substance called resin that makes it more thc-y. presumably it's just you blend up the rest of the plant and distill it?

blunts are either cigars with weed in them (do they still have a tobacco leaf as the wrap??) or just a big joint I'm not sure.

you can also, if you're normal, use a pipe or a bubbler or bong. this is very sensible and i understand how these work.

i don't understand why the weed pipe is that particular form and not like a tobacco pipe. or like why are the tobacco pipe, crack pipe, and weed pipe all different??

If you're a wuss, you can eat a gummy, either the thc kind that does something or the cbd kind that does nothing. you eat this and "nothing happens" and you have 4 more and then you explode, and apparently this happens to everybody. skissue.

the primary effect of weed is that you feel uncomfortable and want to eat food except ur mouth feels bad when it eats food. secondarily time goes slower (which, by the time-flies principle, implies you're not having fun?)

theres sativa which is if you want to have a fun joyous intriguing time, and indica which is boring. People make a lot of this difference and it's always like "there's two types of cowstuff, prime rib and literal cowpies"

if you smoke weed you get a tolerance and if you stop smoking you get less tolerance. so theres a ritual of taking a break to reset the tolerance. i find this oddly charming.

[misstah-joe]

So, I heard about Lily's takes on Drug Use and stuff

Imagine thinking that marijuana is just as bad as like something like alcohol abuse, heroin addiction, and other drug abuse stuff like that including being addicted to taking a lot of pills.

Especially with the stuff I've seen with my family, random people that I've seen in the towns and cities I lived in, and especially in the world of sports and in music.

Hearing this from her from this random ask really got me thinking for not only feeling confused, but also really flabbergasted talking about this considering in her Patreon audio thing that she was complaining about not getting her fix of Adderall or wanting some higher dosage or some shit.

Like honestly, the drugs I've seen the most being used around me from then to now was mostly weed and did anyone in my family suffered anything bad or faced legal repercussion from Marijuana use whether they still smoke pot or used to? No, they were fine. They were not affected for the most part and they were usually good and upstanding people who go out, make friends, and still work a decently good paying job for a living. I would know, my younger brother used to smoke weed and he still works his ass off in a pizza shop and my uncle is taking care of his kids and still going to some college or adult school for a better education and to get better high paying jobs.

Like seriously, hasn't it been shown in research studies in the past few years that Weed is one of the LEAST dangerous drugs and has also caused the least number of deaths specifically in the US? Like seriously, you can't overdose on weed and it RARELY kills you. I've honestly seen more people ruin their lives with alcohol abuse than I have ever seen with people smoking weed and Lily is out of her mind with these insane thoughts on drug use and legalization especially saying it killed her uncle and it was killing her sister Courtney even though Lily has said that she was a heroin junkie and a bunch of other stuff for god knows how long in these last couple years.

Also, Weed is probably the one of the very few drugs aside from possibly psychedelic drugs like mushrooms that can be used for medicinal purposes. My Mom and My Uncle both have medicinal Marijuana that they use.

Hell, Courtney even brought up that the cause of their Uncle's death wasn't even related to Weed IN THE SLIGHTEST. As someone who had to learn about the dangers of drugs when I was in school and learned more about drugs from family members, YouTube videos and coverage from local news shows on TV. Lily has almost NO IDEA on how most drugs affect people and met others who have experienced taking medicinal drugs or people that have suffered and/or from drug abuse and the fact she almost immediately loses faith in people who are suffering and doesn't provide help at all just really disgusts me and shows the lack of humanity and sympathy she has for others that aren't herself. And it doesn't help that she deeply questions the legalization of Marijuana considering the creator of one of her favorite Adult Cartoons is a strong supporter of weed and the medicinal use for it.

It makes me sad and pretty mad hearing this kind of crap cuz I almost did the same thing with my dad years ago with his alcohol problems and now he's bettering himself and I'm happy to now being back to speaking terms with him and he's getting back to his feet finding a new job.

But yeah, this was really awful to read, and as usual Lily Orchard has no idea what she is talking about that isn't outside of the usual stuff she blabs about in her videos or in her streams.

Just remember to be there for someone no matter what and to give them emotional support and trust they need to overcome their addictions even in times where it could be difficult to persuade them to clean themselves up and to grow as a person.

Thank you to anyone who reads this and hearing me yap about this. You are all amazing.

[henghost]

Twig Liveblog for Arc 14

lots of crazy shit happened in this arc it was so good!! first of all it's so psychedelic. the lambs talking about sylvester in the third person while he just sort of mopes around, barely alive--really a terrifying section. the city of new amsterdam provides quite the psychedelic backdrop too, with pulsing walls and living buildings.

and it's got so many cool nobles!!! i love the infante so much, you all have no idea. greatest wildbow character of all time. and then my second favorite wildbow character of all time (the god mauer) shows up too... and then the two queens face off... we're truly spoiled. this arc has probably some of the best Mauer Moments™ so far. he fucking slits syvette's throat what a badass. his encounter with augustus the noble was kind of beautiful--we see mauer's drive and doubt and determination in one fatal moment. even if mauer commits the most evil acts of all time i'm still ride or die for him.

the time spent as evette was insane--sy's psyche, which has been splitting since the death of jamie, has its most dramatic fracture yet. i find it fascinating the way sy's identity exists only in relation to the other lambs. sy is sy only insofar as he is not helen, gordon, lillian, etc. and when the equilibrium is disrupted, sy cannot really be himself. the lambs are like one organism it's so evil to split them up!!! i think the sequence where evette has her heart outside her body is a metaphor for this idea. i mean they did it to themselves here lol but i guess it's just part of sy's Journey. twig is so existentialist. sy must create himself.

my favorite part of the arc was mauer taking evette to The Block. it felt like something out of true detective. we get a kind of answer at the end of the arc, but there is still so much mystery. i'm such a sucker for conspiracy thrillers involving the abuse of children. such haunting context, too.

and then right after they talk about the child trafficking jessie comes out lmao. so sweet!!!!!!!! the love between jessie and sy is so pure and beautiful it makes my heart race. they understand each other so deeply and fundamentally and intimately. they must kiss imminently!!!!!!!!!!

the interlude with lillian made me want to be an academy student so bad even though it seems so awful lol. it's like "the magicians" i just want to escape into the evil fantasy school. then the infante shows up again let's fucking goooooo. he's very mean to lillian and the lambs but that is his right. i'm also very intrigued about the idea of giving wyvern to the duke, but i would root heavily against him in his quest to harm the infante. i only liked the duke before i knew about the infante, and now that i know there is a larger, more powerful noble, the duke is basically a stupid maggot to me who must be squished more.

[akayukihime]

Bad Decisions (Pt. 1) - Brett Hand/Reader

A drug-enduced hookup is a scandal in and of itself, even at Cognito Inc. Despite being in the entire office’s hot seat, you’re horrified by something else entirely: your growing crush on Brett Hand.

Crossposted on AO3 @akayukihime​

“I am this fucking close to putting in my two weeks,” Reagan blurted out as she and you walked into a conference room. She pinched her fingers together for emphasis. You didn’t utter a word in acknowledgment, but you agreed with her sentiment. The both of you stared ahead at the usual scene in front of you: everyone was plastered, even Brett. Myc let out a groan that you couldn’t find yourself to pity. It was always weird thinking about how a sentient hallucinogenic mushroom could get itself high. Ever since you started working at Cognito Inc., though, you were left with little to disbelieve.

“You’d think that a secret government agency would have more competent employees,” she grumbled, rubbing her temples erratically. That poor girl needs a vacation, you thought ruefully, nodding in agreement.

“Awe, I’m totally competent,” Brett whined, looking up at the two of you from where he was on the floor. You were surprised you didn’t see any lipstick smudged across his face or collar. Jealousy twinged in your gut as you remembered when he hooked up with Gigi, who was across the room and appeared to be struggling to type something on her phone.

“Right, (Name)?” Brett asked, looking into your eyes with a stare that left you a little flustered.

“I mean, yeah, sometimes,” you knew you would feel bad if you said no, but you tacked on the last bit so Reagan wouldn’t think ill of your reply.

“I don’t even know what to say, but I’m not surprised…” Reagan huffed. You shot her a worried look. The bags under her eyes were so dark that they resembled Halloween makeup. You didn’t want to think about the last time she slept—or showered. You subconsciously inched yourself out of the doorway and into the room.

“Ray, why don’t you just let me handle this?” You asked, trying to be helpful. To put it in Layman’s terms, you were the middle man between Reagan and Brett; you weren’t as uptight as the former, but not a hopeless himbo like the latter. You could be trusted with responsibilities, but didn’t take on an unhealthy amount like the somewhat-reclusive daughter of Rand Ridley. You were also able to let loose, which is what you would have preferred to do at the moment.

“Are you sure?” Reagan looked around the room again, her eyelid twitching. You nodded and her shoulders slacked.

“I would say go home, but I don’t think I’ve ever seen you leave work before seven…” you trailed off, watching as Brett stretched out on the floor, noting his loose tie and unbuttoned jacket. You had seen him half-naked before, because he always managed to be lacking clothes at inappropriate times, but you found yourself staring at his exposed collarbone.

“Okay, (Name), see you.” Reagan looked at you with impossibly tired eyes and you smiled sympathetically, your eyes crinkling as you did so.

“I’ll see you ‘round, Ridley.”

You watched as she trailed off down the hallway and turned the corner almost hurriedly. You knew she was tired and you hoped she would doze off while working on something if it meant she could at least get a few hours of sleep.

Finally, you unceremoniously turned to your coworkers, not flinching at the fact that none of them were sober, and settled yourself on the floor. Just because you were making sure nothing bad happened didn’t mean you couldn’t join the fun, right?

“I’ll pass on any psychedelics, but if we’re just smoking weed, it’s a different story,” you looked at Andre, who grinned and passed you a small bong.

“Sweet,” you muttered, holding it up to your lips.

“Wow, you sure are great at ‘handling’ these work conflicts,” Myc commented, his voice slurred as he gestured toward you with one of his tentacle arms. You shrugged, taking your time with each hit. You exhaled slowly through your mouth, your throat tickling and urging out a cough.

Wherever Andre gets his weed from, you needed to know. On second thought, he probably grew it himself. Regardless, you weren’t paranoid or anxious whatsoever; you’d argue that you were at peace, even if you were on the floor, slumped over against a large table. If you were this zen every time you were high, maybe you’d be as dependent on drugs as the doctor. You shook the thought from your head, thankful for your ability to function sober in your daily life.

It wasn’t long until your peace of mind would be disturbed.

Brett had scooted over to your happy little corner, smiling widely. You looked over at him and met his eyes. Almost immediately, you looked away. You were acting almost as jittery as Reagan.

“Man, I haven’t been this high since my days in Pi Kappa Alpha. Oh, they had the best hazing rituals.” The brunet remarked, seeming to relish in the memory which most definitely happened differently than he chose to remember it. You nodded in lieu of poking fun at him.

“‘That so?” You asked, tilting your head and looking at him with lidded eyes.

“Yeah, those six hours were the most fun I’ve ever had. You see, it was…” Brett’s voice sounded more like white noise than an actual conversation you still had to engage in. You felt loose, hazy, like you could melt into the floor. You were enjoying yourself so much that you didn’t quite pay attention to what he was saying anymore. Your eyes trained on his lips and tongue as he spoke, trailing down to his ruffled shirt and loosened red tie. Sure, he was a distraction in your usual work environment, but this was bad. Unfortunately, your brain was too fried to realize how overt you were being.

You blinked yourself out of your reverie when you realized something: this was the perfect opportunity and the perfect excuse to get intimate with your coworker. The thought of fucking Brett made the back of your neck heat up, and your mind lingered on the idea for way too long. You were trying to imagine the details of his face and body in such an intimate and vulnerable situation, and you felt your face flush even more. Why are you so flustered? You reasoned with yourself that it was only because of how hot he is, nothing more.

Whatever, fuck it.

You shuffled over to Brett, straddling his lap and shoving one of your knees between his legs. Your hands came to his shoulders, flattening wrinkles on his crisp, white shirt. He had a nervous smile plastered across his face. He is so cute. You grinned playfully, leaning down and kissing up his jaw.

“Wanna go back to my office?” You watched him expectantly, biting your lip. You were a little nervous. It had to be the drugs, right?

“Yeah, sure.” Brett blinked, looking pleasantly surprised at your offer.

You took his larger hand in yours and the two of you snuck out of the conference room. It was only a few corridors and hallways down, close for convenience. You thanked God or whatever higher being in dark robes that existed that you were spared an elevator ride. You weren’t sure if you’d be able to act normal enough to convince whoever watched the elevator security footage that the two of you weren’t about to hook up.

Soon enough you were in your office, which was luckily a closed off room. As the overseer of finance, you had similar status to Reagan and Brett, but while Reagan had her lab, you had a spacious office where you were able to sort through Cognito Inc.’s annual revenue and costs, insurance policies, and new ways to evade taxes every year.

You shut and locked the door with a quiet click. Even though you had been in here many times, you took in your surroundings. The large windows behind your desk overlooked a nice view similar to J.R.’s. No one could see you from the busy street far below, but the off chance that someone did was exciting to consider. You unbuttoned your blouse halfway down, revealing your (luckily nice) bra. Brett’s eyes found their way to your chest and he couldn’t look away. You felt exposed—the weight of his gaze was something you had never felt before. Something about it excited you, causing a heat to pool in between your legs as he approached you.

“Okay, wow, this is happening,” Brett looked a little nervous, and that made you want him even more. If he hadn’t wanted to do this, he would’ve said so. Even if he was a people pleaser and high off his ass, he seemed just as interested in sexual endeavors with you as you were with him. Despite this, you just wanted to make sure.

“Is this okay?” You came up to Brett, placing your hands on his chest. He nodded eagerly and wrapped his arms around your waist. You leaned up to kiss him, and he returned twofold. You were caught off guard by his eagerness, but tried to kiss him more fervently to match his pace.

Brett reached down and grabbed the meat of your thigh, hiking your leg up his side. You sighed into his mouth as he grabbed at your leg and held your body flush against his. You felt his dick press against you through your clothes and your ears prickled with heat. You were thrilled that he seemed to want you—bad.

Suddenly, you pulled away, and Brett actually frowned at the loss of contact. That look he was giving you was enough to get you off alone. Slinking an arm around his shoulder and pressing yourself back against him, you moved your hand down to the bulge in his slacks, rubbing against his erection tentatively. He groaned quietly, breathing a hot breath down your neck, causing you to shiver.

You traced the brunet’s pants in the shape of a heart and then moved to palm his clothed cock. The moments were slow and deliberate, almost teasing. Seeing him like this was something you just couldn’t put in words, so you decided that you were going to show him with your actions. You squeezed your thighs together when the sound of a repressed whimper left his lips, which were now a little red and swollen.

“You’re doing so good, Brett,” you whispered quietly, your tone genuine and loving. He let out a shallow breath, clearly turned on by your words of praise.

“I wanna make you feel good…too,” he whispered back, and you swore your heart skipped about four beats. You cupped his cheek with your hand that had been around his neck and looked up at him, brushing your thumb on his smooth face. How does this man never have any stubble?

“Maybe another night. Right now, I’m here for you, pretty boy,” your lips curled into a smile as you finished your sentence. Brett’s mouth formed into a small ‘o’, but he didn’t protest. You held his shoulders and guided him backwards to your office chair. He sat, his legs slightly spread out and his arms resting on each side. You stood in front of him and slowly started taking off your clothes.

Your shoes went first; you slid the comfortable loafers off and placed them next to each other on the floor. Then was your blouse, halfway unbuttoned but still tucked into your faded black pencil skirt. You casually tugged it out of your bottoms, taking your time to unbutton the rest of the buttons before shrugging it off and letting it fall to the floor. Next was your skirt, which had a tiny zipper that you didn’t rush to unzip. Playing things out seemed to be working, because one glance at Brett and you could see that his hard-on was straining against his pants. He bit his lip as he tried not to cover himself up.

Finally, you tugged off your skirt and let it join your blouse on the ground. You were left in your bra, underwear, and a bland pair of tights. You clearly had not planned on presenting your half-naked self to the titular coworker, or else you would’ve worn nicer undergarments or even lingerie.

Brett stared, perhaps in awe, at your figure. His hand moved so he could palm himself through his pants. You blushed, the bold action catching you off guard, but you tried to keep it together. You shook your head and climbed on top of him, straddling him and placing your hands on his chest.

“Let me take care of you, alright?” You looked at him with a lidded gaze, which he returned. He nodded and mumbled an, “okay,” with an already fucked-out look on his face (you were just getting started, too). Honestly, you found it kind of cute. The way he could barely look at you, or maybe it was how he was breathing a little erratically. 

You could hardly wait.

As a way of testing the waters, you slowly circled your hips, grinding against Brett’s crotch. He groaned almost painfully, and you took that as a good sign. Holding onto his shoulders, you started to dry hump where you felt his enclosed cock. With each rock of your hips, you felt your clit throb with pleasure. You sighed, breathing hard through your nose. Momentarily, you locked eyes with him and he gave you a pleading look, but you didn’t stop.

“Fuck,” he breathed out, his hands moving to hold your waist in an attempt to help you grind on him. You moved your hips at a more fervent pace, giddily watching him fall apart underneath you. And oh, he just felt so good rubbing against your clit, now swollen in your damp underwear.

“I—,” he choked out, “I think I’m going to cum.”

And just like that, you stopped, completely halting the motions of your hips. You yourself were making your way to your own orgasm. Brett gave you a look of utter devastation, but you brought a hand up to his face and rubbed his cheek with your thumb.

“Good boy.”

Brett let out a small gasp as you moved your hands down to his pants, undoing his belt and pulling his fly down. You grazed his straining erection with gentle hands before finally pulling his length out of his white underwear. Of course his underwear is white, you thought to yourself, but quickly brushed the amusing thought away to focus on the task at hand.

“Thank God I take birth control,” you muttered as you pulled your underwear to the side and lined Brett’s cock up with your dripping entrance. You held his length and dragged it up and down your other lips. The way the head of his dick felt against your clit had both him and you moaning already.

Finally, you lowered yourself onto his cock. The two of you moaned as you stretched out around him. Moving at an almost grueling pace, you used his shoulders as leverage to lift yourself up and back down on his length. Unsurprisingly, his dick fit you perfectly. Your eyes filled with adoration as you began to ride him, but, unbeknownst to you, your feelings for him hardly held a candle to his.

“Shit, shit, shit,” Brett chanted under his breath, his chest rising and falling with each large breath he took. If you weren’t so focused on the way his cock hit your g-spot, you might’ve noticed the way he was looking at you. His heart was full and beating hard. Adrenaline pumped through his veins like liquid fire and he gave up on holding back his gasps and groans. His hands grabbed at your bare sides as he rocked his hips up into yours.

“Oh, p-please, I…”

You didn’t mind his neediness; on the contrary, you started fucking him more erratically as you felt your own climax on the horizon. Your clit bumped up against his pants as you rolled your hips, sending twinges of pleasure from your core to the rest of your body. You moved to grab onto his forearm, watching the way his eyebrows knitted together as he occasionally babled your name along with a string of curses.

“You feel so good, oh my God,” you hissed out as you continued to fuck yourself on his dick. He breathlessly agreed with your sentiment, his cheeks and shoulders flushed with pleasure.

“Can I cum inside of you?” Brett asked weakly as if to imply his impending orgasm, rolling his hips without any sort of rhythm. This time, you were going to make sure he came.

“Y-yeah,” you nodded vigorously, trying to focus on guiding the two of you each to your own orgasms. And when that wire inside of you was pulled so tight that it finally snapped, you moaned his name loudly. You tried your best not to stop until he came, which he did—hard.

The feeling of so suddenly being filled with the brunet’s cum was something that you tried to ingrain into your mind. You wanted to remember this forever, or even better, experience it again. Your chest rose and fell with heavy breaths, your brain was fuzzy despite you having sobered up, and you were undoubtedly going to be sore from riding him so hard.

You closed your eyes for a moment, catching your breath and relishing in the feeling of Brett still being inside of you. The moment only lasted for a brief moment because you suddenly felt a hand on your face. Your eyelids fluttered open at the feeling of the man’s gentle caress against your cheek. He tucked a strand of hair behind your ear and you felt your cheeks prickle with heat. Finally meeting his gaze, you were surprised to see him already looking at you.

Brett felt a lot less nervous than he had earlier; he hardly wanted to move from out of his position in your chair, and he just couldn’t get enough of the way you looked right now. He sighed softly, cocking his head to the side as he went to stroke your hair. That is, before he stopped himself. 

“We should…get cleaned up.”

“Yeah,” you agreed with a small smile plastered on your face. You hadn’t even realized you were smiling until you opened your mouth to respond to him.

“There’s a bathroom attached to my office,” you whispered, “we can—“

“I got it. You stay here.” Brett insisted, looking up at you with a fixed expression. Your heart skipped once more and you averted your eyes to a plant in the far corner of your office. After another moment, you finally pulled yourself off of the man and collected your clothes, shrugging your blouse back on but hesitating to button it back up.

Brett tucked himself back into his pants and headed off in the direction you pointed him in. For a moment, you were left there alone. You stared at the now open bathroom door and the yellow-white light that spilled out of the room, and you tried not to focus on the feeling of cum dripping down your leg. Brett’s cum. Inside of you. The words took a second to register, and by the time the brunet came back, you were blushing.

“Here, lemme get this,” he awkwardly leaned down and wiped you up with a paper towel before quickly returning to the bathroom to flush it down the toilet and wash his hands. Always a people pleaser, that man.

You finally put your skirt back on and tucked your blouse in before zipping it up. Luckily, you had worn only a little bit of makeup to work that day, so the only thing that looked off about you was your hair, which was slightly frazzled. Brett’s was as well, so, to his utter delight, you quickly fixed it for him.

“There you go,” you smiled, trying not to think about how the two of you were a lot more sober than you had been earlier. Brett thanked you sheepishly.

“Uh, I-I’m gonna get going. See you, (Name),” He rubbed the back of his head as he slowly backed up to the door before finally unlocking it and leaving. Well, that was weird. You didn’t expect that he would have been in such a rush to leave. You wanted to shrug it off, but that odd feeling lingered in your mind before spreading to your heart and the pit of your stomach.

“Don’t worry,” you said to yourself as you checked the time on your phone. 5:08 PM. Damn, it’s time for me to get going too. You collected a couple of folders and put them in your bag before slinging it over your shoulder.

“It’s okay, tomorrow things will be normal. It’ll be business as usual.”

Yeah. Business as usual…

[cthonic-bunny]

Hiii so one of your composite chart post is about Pisces mars, in this case how about a composite chart with Pisces stellium in it? Btw loveee your content so far its rare to see composite related posts in astrological subject

Thank you!!! I truly appreciate your words. :’)

I once had a Pisces stellium in the composite with someone, and this was HANDS DOWN the biggest crush I have ever had on anyone, EVER. This was my dream man in every shape or form. 😭

I think you two will have several synchronicities in your lives, like to the point it is inexplicable and makes you feel crazy!!! 😭

So to me, I’d like to think that it feels almost written from a dream that you came across them. I think that sometimes life circumstances might keep you apart until you are ready to submerge yourself into a dream fairytale because I imagine the risk of codependency might be significant. Maybe you really idealize one another in ways that are not grounded in reality. One of you can have dreams randomly about the other, but not as often as you’d like given how much you think about them. You can’t believe this person is real. They can seem extremely unobtainable. Intense eye contact, even at the first meeting! Even when no moves are being made, it feels like you are silently courting one another. Being extremely shy around one another at first, where both of you are stuttering and finding it hard to talk without fumbling over the words you did manage to get out. I feel like once you’re together it would feel like you’re floating through life together on a cloud. You’ll probably like to spend lots of time together in bed. I think you guys would love to deep dive into each other’s mind to see through one another’s eyes. You’ll probably feel like no one can know you or see you like this person can. Getting lost when looking into this mirror. This love can probably feel like a psychedelic experience. Even if you two have extremely different or even opposite opinions or perspectives, you’ll try to understand in the deepest ways where the other one is coming from. You’d probably want to heal one another. I’d probably be careful with getting carried away with substance abuse if that’s something relevant in the connection. The other person can feel like a drug. You’ll probably see one another as an enigma you can’t fully understand until the bond solidifies. You can see no wrong in one another and can’t imagine anyone else not seeing them as angelic as you perceive them to be. I do think it makes you two extremely soft and gentle with one another, or at least more soft spoken and polite in one another’s presence. If they’re usually considered to be bad tempered or rude, they might surprise others with how nice they are to you for seemingly no reason and right off the bat. Communication through eye contact. The idea of taking the connection to the next level requires the inclination to jump into the abyss. I feel like physical touch here might be the prevalent love language in this union, because it’s almost a reminder that that person is in fact real. The partner of your dreams, the one who haunts you! If you didn’t believe in soul mates, a Pisces stellium in the composite chart can really make you consider it. You can find it easier than ever to construct detailed daydreams about them all day and use it as an escape. Sometimes you feel like you can’t leave your daydreams of them if you’re not with them. This is for real the type of crush that will make you feel delusional. I’d probably also try your hardest to refrain from losing yourselves in one another. This is the person that if circumstances permitted and the opportunity presented itself, you would throw everything in your life out and runaway with them. “Ruin my life!” or “let’s live in a dream together.” I think you guys seem like you wouldn’t be each other’s type, but end up making a perfect match and it just makes sense to everyone else only after it materializes. Example: the serious preppy boy that comes from old money with an alternative-looking, esoteric, free-spirited girl. Like oh, they look like a trope they should write a book or make a movie about!

If you’ve experienced a composite Pisces stellium with your luvrrrrr, please share! I’d love to hear!

[beevean]

For the ask game: ❤ 💖 💔 💀 for Castlevania

Answered the last one here!

❤: Which character do you think is the most egregiously mischaracterized by the fandom?

ISAAC

MY DARLING BABYGIRL ISAAC

He is not just a cock-thirsty shallow Joker 😭 there is depth to him! He's passionate, driven, so terribly embittered by being shunned and cast aside, yet he respected Hector and still cares for Julia, he refused to hurt her even when Cursed! He tainted his body in a show of loyalty to a Lord who only saw him as a tool, and let the clothes rot off his body to show himself in his truest self! And so he too saw himself as a weapon and took pride in that role! And yet he's a hypocrite who falls prey to his own emotions and desires, because if he truly was a weapon he wouldn't have been jealous of Hector getting everything he wanted! He wouldn't have been consumed by his own (admittedly understandable, Hector really was cruel to him) hatred to the point of dying! He did all he could to cast away a humanity he felt had no need for yet he was so terribly human, much like his master! And he died as a tool, and a defective one too!

fhsdkjghjksdhgkjh my boy i love him so much he's complex and fascinating and even relatable in some aspects but no one except my enlightened besties, mwah understands him and they reduce him to a crazy bdsm joke 😭😭😭

oh and on the same note if people can stop reducing hector to a shallow edgelord without weaknesses and softness that would be great thanks

💖: What is your biggest unpopular opinion about the series?

obligatory show bad both as an adaptation and its own thing

Circle of the Moon is a bad game. I genuinely cannot understand what people like in it, because if you want a hard Igavania, OoE is right there and is less pointlessly cheap. CoTM clearly tried to fix SoTN's absolutely non-existant difficulty, but it went about it the worst way possible, to the point that even moving around is painful, let alone orienting yourself in this dim, boring castle full of dead ends that forces you to go through the Abyss Stairway over and over again. I ain't forgiving it for the shit it pulls after you defeat Hugh and you have to dodge those dark knights without healing up :^)

By contrast, I find Harmony of Dissonance very fun, I love the psychedelic colors, I love the chiptune eerie music, the game is so fun to break and speedrun, Juste most OP Belmont come at me.

I think my overall biggest take is... the games have a solid lore and story. It's a shame that they get put aside (not here on Tumblr, but definitely in places like Reddit) for the sake of propping up the show. Dracula's Curse has some crazy intricate lore when you put everything together. Games parallel each other, like HoD being written to be a prelude to Richter's fall from grace. You can get everything you need to know about Simon's personality, who otherwise never speaks in a main game, simply by that scene in Simon's Quest where he makes a grave for Dracula. The games are so fun to read between the lines, they hit that perfect balance between giving you enough information to get you interested and leave enough room for thought and interpretation.

... I also don't hate DoS' anime style. I think it's cute. PoR is the one that really got hit by the ugly stick, I think.

💔: If you had to remove one major character from the series, who would you choose?

^ Konami when they decided to quietly erase Grant from existence

Can't think of anyone. All major characters contribute to something. Maybe Hammer? I never cared for him, sorry, and his personality in DoS is hard to like. But I'm not sure he counts as major.

[hit-song-showdown]

Year-End Poll #38: 1987

[Image description: a collage of photos of the 10 musicians and musical groups featured in this poll. In order from left to right, top to bottom: The Bangles, Heart, Gregory Abbott, Whitney Houston, Starship, Robbie Nevil, Whitesnake, Bruce Hornsby and the Range, Bob Seger, Bon Jovi. End description]

More information about this blog here

Lots of things happening this year. What I want to draw attention to first is the influx of glam metal (or hair metal). Heavy metal as a genre had existed for a few decades by this point, mostly branching off of the blues and psychedelic rock of the late 1960's. To avoid going on an overly-long tangent about metal, I'll leave it at that for now. Glam metal has its roots in the heavy metal sound while also (as the name would suggest) taking additional influences from the glam rock of the 1970's. MTV was very kind to this style of music, and glam metal reached a level of fame where you didn't have to be deep in the metal scene to be exposed to. Other subgenres like thrash and death metal would also grow in popularity around this time, but only to those who were aware of what was going on. Metallica would have to wait to breach the underground and MTV would probably have a hard time getting middle America on board with Necrophagia. So while there was a lot going on in metal throughout the 80s, there's a reason why when most people think of "80s metal", there's a very specific image that comes with that.

But that isn't to suggest that rock music in the mainstream was able to escape controversy by featuring more hairspray and less corpse paint, because there's another moment in music history that will culminate this year. In 1985, the PMRC (Parents Music Resource Center) put together a list called the "Filthy Fifteen", which listed fifteen songs thought to be inappropriate and damaging towards traditional family values. Songs on the list include Prince's Darling Nikki (which seemed to have raised the most ire out of the PMRC's co-founder, Tipper Gore), Mötley Crüe's Bastard, Twisted Sister's We're Not Gonna Take It, and Cyndi Lauper's She Bop. A senate hearing over the matter of explicit lyrics was held in 1985, with musicians Frank Zappa, John Denver, and Twisted Sister's Dee Snider speaking out in opposition to censorship. There is a lot behind this conflict, both inside the courtroom and outside, so I'm aware that I'm giving a very fly-over view of the events for the sake of this poll. I'll just mention that these hearings were sometimes dubbed "The Porn-Rock Hearings", the outcry from these concerned parents groups fit really well in Reagan's America, and Zappa gave this absolute bomb of a quote that has been sitting with me a lot as of late:

"Bad facts make bad law, and people who write bad laws are, in my opinion, more dangerous than songwriters who celebrate sexuality. Freedom of Speech, Freedom of Religious Thought, and the Right to Due Process for composers, performers and retailers are imperiled if the PMRC and the major labels consummate this nasty bargain."

There are so many good quotes, so I linked to the Full Video and Transcript

To make a long story unfortunately short, something of a compromise was reached by requiring musicians and labels to put "parental advisory" stickers on their albums, alerting potential consumers of the "objectionable" material within. Some musicians found the label as a loss for free speech and another example of the U.S. government deciding whose voices get to be considered moral or not. Other musicians predicted that the parental advisory sticker would only make their music more appealing to young people. You probably didn't need me to tell you this, but Tipper Gore and the PMRC did not stop the "moral downfall of America", if such a thing could even be quantified.

So now we all have little black and white stickers on our albums, yay. But this is far from the last time we'll see a major court case over music and obscenity. But we'll go over that next decade.

[anti-psycomics]

I can't believe I missed it! Yesterday marked 1 full year since I really started dedicating myself to digital art, after I drew this image because I wanted to play bomb rush cyberfunk. Pretty sure I started drawing it because I saw Twistcmyk made her own custom decals for that game and I wanted to make something like that too. So uh. Thanks for that Twist. Still haven't played bomb rush cyberfunk tho

not a bad starting place I'd say. Although maybe that's because it's not really the starting place and I've been drawing off and on again pretty much since I was born

I think this drawing really helped get my feet off the ground when it came to finding a style that works for me, and learning how to make other styles out of it. See, I've always had shaky hands so I've tended to gravitate towards a more scratchy style since smooth lines are often a challenge for me. And in a lot of cases I'd just leave a drawing as a sketch because finalizing it was very difficult.

being able to draw fast and loose like this is really a boon to get the creative juices flowing. It's the easiest way to draw for me, and I still like to leave it at that if I have a day where I want to draw but I don't want to dedicate more than one night to it

But nowadays I'm usually making art that's a lot smoother and takes a few more nights to finish. But that's still using the rough style. Usually I'll get a vague idea in my head and throw it on the screen with minimal care, and I'll zero in on how it's supposed to look draft by draft. Sometimes it takes 3 drafts, sometimes it takes, like 10

shown here a swordsmachine drawing I made a month or so ago, I still have the krita file on hand (because it's not technically finished yet, needs a final draft with color) so here's the drafts leading up to it

This process often involves a lot of cutting and pasting, resizing and the perspective tool to get a thing exactly where it needs to be. As for making lines as smooth as possible, I just have to take it really slow and sometimes go back, erase, draw it back, erase again. I won't lie it can still be a really tedious process

Like that swordsmachine, I've been making a lot of character portraits lately. Which has been a great exercise in posing, perspective and shading. Shading especially was something I've been needing practice with. I used to draw only with pencil of paper so using color in drawings is still somewhat a new thing for me. Having to figure out the lighting for each shot and which surfaces are whatever is very difficult but doing shading right can make a drawing look that much better

This is the thing I've been working on most recently, I think the shading looks pretty good, especially on the scarf. But I'm not really too sure about it.

Ok I've lost the pacing for this longpost. I wish I had a special drawing for the one year but I forgot until today. Maybe I'll make Anti in a birthday hat sometime later. For now here's some of my favorites over the past year

THING IN THE CLOSET

was a pretty early drawing, but I still really like it because of the unique perspective of peeking into a closet. Also the first time I drew Anti with a body!

ENDNE, GOD OF ENTROPY

I remember when I drew this design in my sketchbook and I knew I had a banger design right away, she barely changed from paper to digital. Unlike Solos, who had quite a few changes, and honestly I might still want to change a few things. Still pretty astounded that I managed to render it so well. Might be my overall favorite of the past year

PSYCHADOLIA

I still think it would make a great album name and cover. Hire me psychedelic music artists

MALAZIROT, GOD OF ROT

This one was made because I told my friends I'd make myself a fursona if a poll about me being a furry reached 15 votes. Love stealing valor. This might be the highest layer count piece to date, I think it clocked in at over 60 with so many small details that you have to super zoom in to see. Regardless, I'm really proud with how I got the rotting flesh to look in this one

MASH ME UP

Also a massive undertaking and probably the only one that can rival the layers on malazirot. Idk if I have much to say on it other than, I think it looka pretty neat

SELF-PORTAIT

A real recent one, Probably my most grotesque one to date too. I really think I nailed how disgusting the skin on it is, my only regret is I didn't make any hair follicles poking out of the skin. Oh well, missed opportunities

here's to the next year of art!

[sputnik422]

aespa's SYNK: PARALELL LINE Solos: Review and Appreciation

Dear Reader,

On October 6th, 2024, it was announced that Korean girl group aespa would be releasing a special single comprised of the solo songs each member had debuted during their SYNK: PARALLEL LINE tour. It wouldn't be the first time that the girls dipped their toes into solo endeavors, as their previous tour also featured performances from each member accompanied by original songs. It would, however, be the first time that every single aespa solo had such a big impact on the wider K-pop fan sphere.

Let's just be honest here, these songs are infinitely better than their predecessors in every shape way and form. The upscale in quality was obvious from when the first fancams from the Seoul concerts began to drop. These songs are a different breed and in honor of their official release on all streaming platforms I wanted to take some time to talk about all of the reasons why I love them.

P.S: I don't know anything about musical genres, and I'm actually pretty bad at picking them apart, but I'll do my best for this post!

UP - KARINA

Starting off with the one I have the least things to say about. "Up" is a track that fuses old school hip-hop and R&B elements with electronic pop. It's a complete turn around from her last solo, "Menagerie", and its dark, psychedelic ambiance. It sounded as if you'd just entered the lair of the unbeatable final boss and they were monologuing to you before eating you for dinner. "Up" is dark too, but Karina's rich vocal tone and tasteful delivery elevate the song to a level of class above the former's brash exterior. Where her first solo was rough around the edges, the syllables of her rap being spat into your ears, Karina rides the waves created by Up's prominent bass and makes you want to hear more. Honestly its the best she's ever sounded.

The lyrics aren't anything revolutionary. Karina talks about how she's letting loose, not caring who stands in her way because she's going to get what she's owed. She's not the type to stand back and let the world have its way with her, Karina takes charge in her life. She knows that this confidence is attractive and urges the listener to come closer, being entranced by her. There's nobody else that could ever measure up to her and everyone knows it. The singer herself has been very vocal about how happy she was to be able to write this song and be apart of the development from the start and it shows. This track was tailor made for her. My favorite part about the entire experience is how the power of her deeper vocal tone gets to shine, taking me back to some of my favorite vocal moments from her (her part during the second pre-chorus of Drama, her chorus in Spicy). If I had to nitpick, and I will, I would say that the bridge doesn't really do anything for me. It kind of disrupts the flow of the song in my opinion. Other than that, it's a 10/10. A real testament to the strength of these tracks that something this good could end up as my least favorite. The performance, both her actual stages and the ARTi film, were cool as hell. Mob boss Karina, chef's kiss.

BORED! - NINGNING

Ningning is the member who had my favorite solo from their previous set. "Wake Up" is just as commanding as the title would have you think, with Ningning blatantly provoking the listener. It's a game of cat and mouse, the classic tale of a puppeteer and her craft. There's no use in trying to escape—she knows your every move and you will end up as her plaything—but she doesn't seem to hate the chase either. That fight, the sweaty face and thrashing heartbeat, it just makes the inevitable end so much more satisfying.

"Bored!" is very much in opposition to these themes. The lofi R&B instrumental serves as the backdrop for Ningning and her crazy situationship. In this song Ningning is someone who loves fast and loves strong, feeling drunk on the feeling of infatuation. There's just one problem and I'm sure you could guess from the title: Ningning tends to get bored. No matter how much she may love this person she's never truly going to fall for them, and she doesn't really want to. Just like this we've entered a similarly twisted yet way more lighthearted game. The lyrics lay this plot out for us with feather-light phrases like, "feel the caffeine kicking in / episodic visioning" and "paradise on venus in your eyes". That second line in particular caught my attention when I first heard the song and was even singled out in the behind the scenes recording video. My mind immediately went to the goddess Venus, otherwise known as Aphrodite, who is known for her short yet passionate bouts of love and lust. Perhaps Ningning feels similarly about the subject of the song. Lyrics like "I'm so pretty in your head boy" and "tell me where it goes out of my body / whisper "Pretty" in my head" make it clear that Ningning wants to indulge in their powerful mutual attraction while never intending to commit. It's just not in her nature. It could also be a way of saying that, whenever they're together, the love interest makes Ningning feel like she's on a different planet, floating along the milky way because of his love. Whatever the deal is, Ningning will take the attention and she'll easily hand over her own love too, but the listener can't expect her to stick around. Only until she gets bored.

I'm obsessed with her tone, the sweetness really compliments the lighthearted and playful vibe of the song. It makes everything feel so detached in a way, ungrounded just like the narrator's approach to relationships. I loved her first outfit for the actual performance, the white(?) shirt with 'Bored!' branded across the middle and sparkly black shorts. I hope she'll consider using more lighter colors and pastels in her outfits going forward, I think it fits the song and the concept better than her newer all black ensembles (outfit one, outfit two). The lighter colors make her look unassuming and innocent, heightening the sense of surprise when she turns out to be a bit of a player. Overall, another 10/10. Very well done, (Ning)²!

DOPAMINE - GISELLE

Giselle was the member who I was the most nervous to hear a second solo from. Call me dramatic, call me an over-exaggerator, but "2Hot4U" has to have been one of the most superficial songs ever conceived. Giselle curated an image as "aespa's hot girl" basically since debut and SM very much knew that. What they didn't seem to know however was that the image worked because of her distinctive style and aura, not because she physically had to tell you that she's hot for about three minutes and twenty six seconds. It feels like when a politician mentions a popular meme and suddenly its not cool anymore ("Pokemon GO TO THE POLLS!"). Giselle's line delivery is nasally, making her character feel like a petulant mean girl rubbing her rejection of you in with extra salt and lemon. The song wasn't good and it just didn't suit her at all.

So you can all imagine just how high I jumped for joy was when Dopamine ended up being a masterpiece.

"Dopamine" is a delicate pop R&B track that details a very similar situation to that of Ningning's "Bored!". Where the former has no intentions of committing to a relationship, messing with people as she sees fit, Giselle is very much in denial. She portrays herself as cold and detached "(I don't need a man, just accessories") meanwhile on the inside she is spiraling. HARD. Giselle knows that she's falling in love but she's been burned before and is afraid of being vulnerable with this person ("lock it up inside, I gotta hide the way I feel"). So, she keeps them at arms length, never letting them in and in turn never allowing them the chance to hurt her.

That first line in the chorus, "Be my little secret / Keep it hush hush, but I think I'm in love", it just hits. There's so much emotion rolled up in her delivery of the line combined with the narrative of the song as a whole. Giselle could very well tell this person how she feels, she could even cut them off and never see them again if that option is too hard (and from the look of the lyrics it would be). But still she stays, addicted to the rush of dopamine that she gets from every encounter. Since she can't or won't let herself have love, Giselle will take jewels, diamonds, anything to help fill the void created by her self-isolation, a void only made more prominent by the subject of the song. Its all just so toxic and tragic, the way she wants this man to be choking on his feelings the same way she is. How, deep inside, both parties know Giselle will never open up, yet they choose to act on their desires every time. That is, until the end.

The bridge into the outro itself is better than the entirety of her first solo. The music quiets down as Giselle talks to herself, only able to spill her true feelings when she's alone. She casts away her mask, admitting that her supposed heart of ice has been bleeding this entire time, that even the heavens know she needs this person in her life. She charges up this admission into a beautiful high note, allowing the incoming storm of synth to represent her emotions. Its that final seventy seconds or so, right after the 2:43 mark, that really makes this song for me. The art of the release, when everything falls into place and all of the feelings you've been holding so close to your chest burst from your body. "Dopamine" is gorgeous and mature and paints the picture of a fully realized human being. It's so much more suited to Giselle than the song SM gave her for their previous tour, and I mean gave in the most derogatory way. The subject matter is so real and you feel every drop of yearning in her vocal delivery. I'm glad she got the chance to work with the producers on this one and reinforce the fact that, when they allow her to carry out her vision, she's a very capable artist. The stage performance? Insane. I heard that the couch she used sold out after the first performances in Seoul, that's so hilarious to me.

I want to briefly mention the special version of it that she performed in Tokyo, which switches up the big release at the end for something more subdued and playful. The original outro goes full steam ahead to emotional catharsis while this one, with its very electronic alarm type noises and little metallic tinks, feels much gentler. Like maybe she's learned to be a bit kinder to herself, she's a work in progress after all.

10/10, tens all around. This song was initially tied for first place as my favorite but with the official release I think the scales have begun to shift.

SPARK - WINTER

I don't remember Winter's first solo. I know it was a ballad, and I'm pretty sure it was called "Lips", but that where my knowledge of the whole affair ends. In one of their behind the scene videos for this tour Winter went on to say this about her new solo song: "Last time I did a ballad but this time I wanted to show off more of my dance. I like dancing too, you know". Well, she got me with this one. Boy, did she ever get me! I did not see this triumph coming.

If "Bored!" represents cheeky self-serving apathy and "Dopamine" is self-sabotage, "Spark" is self-actualization and the honesty that comes along with it.

From the very first note of you're left waiting, wanting, anticipation building alongside the beat. Winter's lines are delivered in this airy and sort of crooning tone, it's such a change up from how deep and robust we know her voice can be. In this self written track she urges the subject to tune in to her wavelength, study her down to the very last molecule and accept access into her soul. Winter doesn't shy away from her desires, unafraid of seeming desperate or being too much. She embraces the intensity of this love, this connection with the song's subject, and is practically begging them to acknowledge what is going on. These feelings that have been born between them are about to bear fruit and she knows it. Its only a matter of encouraging the subject to let loose, coaxing them into the headspace where nothing else matters other than the goddess in front of them. Winter needs to push the subject to their limit, until the build up becomes too much and they have to either take action or suffocate on this tension.

They both know what they need and what it takes to get it.

"One little spark and you set me free / Now one becomes two".

I urge you, if there's any part of the song that you choose to blast on full volume, let it be the build up into the chorus. Once again the art of the build and release comes into play here. The song has been steadily building throughout the verse and pre-chorus but as soon as Winter sings, "Now one becomes two", cementing the union between herself and the song's subject, something magical happens. Those four words become an incantation, a spell to open a portal to a technicolor dimension. Winter pushes you in and as you're left to freefall the colorful tunnel begins to churn and collapse in on you. Infinite shades of pink, purple, blue, and blinding white strobe violently; entering your system, charging through your veins and building on top of the already unbearable attraction. The force reaches your eyes as they begin to project a rainbow, different colors flashing into place in time with the quickened beat.

Winter is in front of you again and, holding out a singular matchstick. You both know she can't light it by herself. What is one to do when placed on the precipice, where the stable ground behind symbolizes everything you've ever known while the open air out front symbolizes everything you have ever wanted. Perhaps this was destined, written in the stars. After all, when faced with the latter conditions, is it ever really a choice?

You light the match.

"Only takes one little spark / And we're igniting"

The portal spits you out above a kaleidoscope of a city. You soar, high on the sheer intensity of your connection, the joining of two souls within a space illuminated by a myriad of brilliant colors. "Spark" is an invitation to face your feelings, face your truth. Should you choose to take the risk you'll be swiftly rewarded, sucked into Winter's world and warmed by the eternal flame that burns between the both of you. The moment your souls meet, that critical turning point where one becomes two, there's no going back. It's just so alluring and intimate and sexy and ughhhhhhh.

The live performance is everything I could have ever wanted from Winter. She's always been such a sharp and powerful dancer, the elements of vogueing really suit her and the piece overall. When I saw this fancam of her for the first time I was gagged, speechless because of her beauty and stage presence. That opening sequence with the shadows cast on Winter and all of her dancers as they move as one machine, it's so coooooooool. Her initial outfit is lovely but for the debut of the special version she wore a lilac corset style top with detached puffy princess sleeves and this long veil with flowers sowed onto it, I wanted to die. The special version also plays with the chorus drop, adding in a long moment of silence before the second chorus in order to build even more anticipation. They power walk towards the back, Winter looks back toward the crowd but the lights go out. Cue the lights and the big reveal: the dancers have formed a blooming sun shape around Winter. She flicks a hand and the whole thing implodes, sending the dancers away as she basks in the moment, in her power.

I am not exaggerating when I say that I need this song engraved in the grooves of my brain. The studio recording pushed this one to the top of the rankings for me, I was not prepared for the religious experience I would be faced with when we hit the pre-chorus and beyond. The genre of synth pop has so much potential for conveying the most powerful of emotions, truly one of my favorites. I think this song is single-handedly helping me come to terms with the fact that I'm very much Winter biased, something I've been steadily ignoring since Drama Era. I BOUGHT A TICKET TO GO SEE THEM IN FEBRUARY SIMPLY SO I COULD SEE THIS (and Dopamine, and Drama, and a couple other songs) LIVE!!! I think I might actual perish that day, we'll just have to wait and see.

Glad SM was able to scrape together some brain cells, read the room and actually release these songs to the public. I'm gonna have a blast with these leading up to my concert date. Credit to JUST, Timing, Tsuki, and Jiunan for the pictures that I struggled to make a collage out of. I'm kind of bad with technology sometimes.

Cheers,

˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗

[missr3n3]

Ctda is so fun I love it.. is there any details/ hcs you have about the characters you wanna share?

sorry for taking so long to respond, but you've activated my trap card and i needed to be at my computer so i could write this essay of a response lol

im gonna do one for each character:

jonah: though he used be be more into psychedelics as a teenager, ever since the events of vol. 2 and cdta he's entirely stopped using them. there's just to much fuel for a potential bad trip. he's also stopped drinking (though he was never did it that often in the first place) and doesn't smoke weed as often bc sarah and evelin don't want him stinking up their apartment.

adam: his black hoodie (not the BPS one) has become a comfort item for him. because he didn't have it on while he was in the Nightmare Sand Pit and was at his most vulnerable, he associates not wearing it with being in danger. since he's wearing it basically all the time though, it's gotten really worse for wear and has quite a few holes in it, which jonah helpfully fixed with various patches (you'll see them when i drop the 2011 cdta designs lol)

thatcher: since he's now a certified Old Ass Man (in his early 50s), he's fully stopped trying to look profession or trendy and has gone back to his old grunge fashion sense from the 90s. luckily, most people think this is cool af, and in particular it entertains some of the kids that ride his bus route bc they think he's an old Kurt Cobain lol

evelin: i kind of alluded to this in clear the stone chapter 3, but she and jonah didn't get along at first because she's very straight edge and he's very not. since their re-introduction in clear the stone and the events of cdta, she's a bit more understanding of his drug use (though still not entirely comfortable with it). nowadays she considers jonah to be just as close a friend to her as sarah <3

sarah: mandela getting blown tf up has actually significantly helped her with regards to moving on from her brother's death. though she can't quite put her finger on why, she as a general sense that his soul is at peace now. as a result, she intends to rebrand BPS from a paranormal investigation group to more of a horror webseries thing. she even renames the youtube channel to the bythorne paranormal show!

alt!gabriel: as far as the cdta timeline goes, he created the alternates for the sole purpose of furthering his takeover plan. alternates in this story are straight-up demons as a result, and this might come into play in an interesting way in the sequel... 👀

six: so i've mentioned before that he's an entirely separate alien in the cdta timeline that started working with alt!gabriel as a means to an end since they have similar goals (also dropped in dms that this happened in the 1920s). the reason for this is that his species feeds on pain, and alternates are really good at causing a lot of mental and sometimes physical pain. though with the alternates gone and type 6s doing a shit job at killing humans, his kind are now looking into other avenues for a food supply :)

sam: if he were voiced, i imagine he'd sound like steven as he sounds in steven universe future. pretty nerdy but with a little bit of rasp to it and a hint of theater kid lol. also! he's 6'4 and is the tallest human in cdta!

delilah: before her reversion (official temporal phenomena term for the changes type 6s went through), her alternate instincts would mainly come out in her being an obnoxious know-it-all. the type to "well AKSHUALLY 🤓" everyone around her over the slightest inaccuracies. also never admitting when she was wrong and assuming the people calling her out were just too stupid to understand her genius. basically what i'm saying is she would've love rick and morty before the reversion lol

and as a special bonus:

joel: he actually started mystifying oracle to try and prove that the paranormal didn't exist, but when he realized how many views he was getting from believers, he pivoted to over-the-top shows of the effects of the ouija board. of course it also helps that he has an actual demon in his house lol.

chloe: she met joel in college! they're both studying film, and thus shared a lot of the same classes together. joel ended up dropping out once youtube started making money for him, but they'll still meet up from time to time, especially if there's a new horror movie they want to see!

[frumfrumfroo]

(Sorry if I am belabouring the point, so feel free to ignore this ask) no yeah I'm definitely the same way and you're never wrong for having personal reasons not getting into something immediately - I think some of the fandom anxiety comes from the fact that things get cancelled so quickly without sufficient viewership (or even with sufficient viewership, which is a whole other nut). It puts a weird amount of onus of a show's success on the fandom, which is even stranger in the time of broken trust and active resentment of audiences/audience engagement with a text/trying to 'outsmart' us. But ultimately there is something severely rotting at the root that I don't think we have any control over.

And yeah the popular perception of TD season 1 is that it's grimdark because its protagonist is deeply wounded and many a fanboy is butthurt about its celebration of redemption. It's an incredibly, incredibly dark show, and so that tragic beginning is hard for a lot of people to get past, I think, when it's not the final conclusive thematic remark*. I would say that Dark is similar to this if you want an idea of the tone. Somehow we have ended up where the children's modern day fairytale is grimdark and nihilistic and shows inured in tragedy are idealistic and redemptive.

Anyway, very thankful for your blog in keeping me sane in the time of psychedelic narrative rules, and being Principled, because sometimes I feel like a stick in the mud lol.

And the asterisk is there up above because I have heard this exact description of a popular book series (A Song of Ice and Fire) and I disagree with this conclusion, partly because the series is unfinished, partly because I think the fanbase on Tumblr is overly optimistic, and also because TD has an absolute conclusion which is idealistic. So I just want to note this so it doesn't seem like I'm misrepresenting or overstating the show lololol.

It's also extremely unsavoury the way big name fans and the former twitter cabal, wherever that hangs out now, will take advantage of this anxiety and use it as a bludgeon to make a captive audience feel like they have some 'duty' to support the financial success of giant evil corporations. Giving Disney more money and bullying people for not giving Disney more money is not a moral victory, I think we should all be able to agree. Abusing calls to support artists by co-opting them into the service of mindless consumption of branded refuse is fairly repugnant. Saying 'vote with your dollars' between a choice of Disney Extruded Movie Product A, B, or C is both hilarious and sad.

eg: that tie-in comic, I think it was the TLJ one? The one with the terrible art. It's a commissioned product, the artist was paid once and as little as possible to create it for solely marketing purposes. Applying fandom etiquette to it or saying it should not be criticised because of high turnover times is frankly fucking ridiculous. It's a professional commissioned product they were selling for profit. They had all the time and all the money in the world, there's no excuse for it to be awful and absolutely no one should have felt obligated to buy it or keep quiet about how bad it was. Maybe the artist could have done better under better working conditions, but that doesn't make the actual product we're being asked to purchase acceptable. Giving Disney your money is not going to improve those conditions and it's not going to help that artist.

The same with the tros defenders saying they tried therefore you can't criticise them. A) they did not try B) this was not a sincere piece of art and pretending otherwise is just insulting and C) it's a corporate product made by a near-monopoly who employed alleged professionals. Nothing could possibly be more fair game for harsh criticism.

Ultimately putting this onus on fandom of you must throw your money away on this thing or be a free shill for this brand or maybe they'll stop throwing us any crumbs... like it's debasement. Given all the many recent examples of how public support doesn't matter unless it's that first weekend a show drops on a streaming platform or the opening box office, how being the 'wrong' audience makes you irrelevant no matter how many of you there are, how even very successful shows are dropped after two seasons because producers don't want to pay actors, etc. etc. it's even more silly. We should be demanding better, not propping up this nonsense. Creative people are being profoundly fucked over by this system and are often still fucked even if they make something successful.

If people want to support artists, buy independent and small label media. Go see original, mid-budget movies at the cinema (if you live in a city where you have any chance of one playing, that is).

And see, I have no problem with darkness, angst, and tragedy if I know it's going somewhere positive. Having to really go through it can make the journey and the ultimate conclusion feel even more rewarding. As long as it's not angst for angst's sake, but is doing something meaningful and necessary, it only enriches the hope at the foundation of redemption or recovery stories.

Idealism is brave, challenging, and requires sincerity. When the modern fairy tales are being produced in cynicism and by committee to meet a quota for the shareholders...

Thank-you ❤️

[fleshsigil]

today i laid down - review

//content warning: discussion of depression/self-harm/suicide

And we let it out Where they can't see In my room, up your arms Who will you dress as tonight? And why's it always me?

this EP was an especially hard thing to review for me. probably even harder than the sky may be, considering the subject matter and backstory, but i think it's something i absolutely need to recommend anyway because it needs to be heard.

today i laid down is a cathartic, lilting fusion of post-rock and classic alt-rock released in 2023 by kai wesener under the pseudonym bl4ck m4rket c4rt. when i was originally recommended this, i was skeptical; i don't rate music with numbers because that's stupid, but needless to say, it is now in my top 3 EPs of all time. i think it is truly one of the best pieces of music that i have ever listened to.

today i laid down consists of only six songs, but it feels like a full-length album. i can't explain it. the soundscapes and crescendos are constantly mutating, but still cozy and acoustic. the mostly acoustic sounding instruments lend the songs this beautiful, shoegazey texture that is incredibly lush and full of life. at times, there are cowbells, triangles, pianos, and xylophones that also add an extra layer of depth and beauty to the songs. the only thing that i can really say about the actual songs is that they're fucking amazing. there is not a single bad, or even okay, song on this entire EP. each one has its own unique identity, but they still fit together perfectly as a whole. there are parts with rich, warm synths; there are parts with psychedelic keyboard sounds. it all works. kai obviously has an incredibly good ear for music theory and sound design, because the songs manage to be pretty catchy while also having this unique, ecstatic, layered feel that not much else has. there's the transcendentality of sigur ros, the blown-out shoegazey textures of mogwai and my bloody valentine, and the warmth that radiates from most acoustic indie rock projects. a few of the songs are shorter than 3 minutes or so, and still manage to feel drawn out and constantly changing. i think it's a masterclass of instrumental layering and rock fusion.

the lyrical content combined with the cathartic, yearning instrumentals is what makes this EP truly impactful and haunting. if you don't pay attention to the lyrics, then the EP might appear somewhat happy, or just wistful. if you take into consideration the events that transpired a few months after the EP released, these lyrics, which are barely audible over the drone of the guitar, are utterly fucking haunting. they are no longer empty threats or thoughts converted into music. the lyrics themselves detail traumatic memories, self-harm, feeling inadequate, not wanting to get out of bed, and dying together but alone. saying that what happened after its release made the EP "better" is completely untrue and completely distasteful; if anything, it's all the more haunting and fucked-up. the lyrics went from something being sung to a collection of thoughts, painting a picture of the mind of someone who was suffering. i have been in that headspace before, and still am sometimes, and this EP is like a reminder to not let myself succumb. not like a cautionary tale, but more of a fucked-up testament to the fact that depression is real and immediate and it kills people; it hurts everyone around you, too. the first time that i read about the backstory of the EP, half an hour later i was listening to it again, looked at the cat on the album cover, and almost cried. all i could think about was the fact that the cat probably misses its owner a lot, or wonders where he's gone. then i thought about my own dog, and the fact that she would probably miss me a lot too, and i told myself i would try my best to not let myself give in.

this EP is truly one of the best things i've ever heard, lyrical and thematic impact aside, and incredibly cathartic. it emanates blissful, bitter acceptance and hollow warmth. overall, it is a must-listen, even if the subject matter doesn't pertain to you.

rest in peace, kai.

LINKS TO EP ON SPOTIFY AND BANDCAMP BELOW

(i post music recommendations sometimes, if you want more of that kind of thing, you should follow me)

(PS: i totally lied about doing a happier album that's not about crushing depression, who knows what i'm going to review the next time. probably more sad shit.)