#I want to say these ones but I can't think of the timeframe

[magentagalaxies]

.

[catboybiologist]

So.

Re: tumblr bans of transfemmes.

Let's ignore PhotoMatt for a moment. Manbaby tech CEO doubling down on a stupid decision and making himself look like more of an ass doing so is not a new phenomena.

Tumblr has consistently said, in both public statements and leaked internal communication, that they're essentially running a skeleton crew.

They keep saying that they don't have the resources to moderate, manually review posts, have any kind of appeal process, or anything. So, as people have widely received communications about, they seemed to have automated a significant portion of the moderation to operate solely on the quantity of reports (probably with a basic filter, eg quantity of reports regarding a certain post, within a certain timeframe) to automatically ban or shadowban accounts.

And so, they wipe their hands, both to the users, the public, and their own consciousness, and go about their automated operations.

All of this is likely true. Tumblr, at this point, is essentially abandonware internally, a kind of weird vanity project/dumpster ground for server infrastructure for Automattic. Likely, they don't want the bad press of "shutting down" fully. Or maybe the trickle of revenue they get here just barely exceeds operating costs, so why not keep it around?

Whatever is the case, the bans are a result of an automated process working in the background. I'm giving them some benefit of the doubt here, of course, we can't know anything for certain- but it seems like the individual bans are not based on any specific, manual action.

And that doesn't fucking excuse anything.

Because at some point, multiple people sat down at tumblr, and decided how to cut costs.

And they decided that the bare minimum of report abuse prevention was one of the first things on the chopping block.

Before the boops. Before GUI reconfigures.

They decided to cut something that is necessary to manage online communities.

They decided to cut something that ensures any targeted group will have any kind of community online.

And then, after all of that, the only manual intervention is doubling down on the shitty decisions that the automated systems make, and plucking reasons out of their ass for why they were the right decisions all along.

It's pure silicon valley brain. Blame the computer often and always. Use it to shield the active decisions you made when designing the computer that way. Treat it as a fact of life as opposed to something they actively made decisions for.

Is tumblr staff hitting the banhammer on each transfemme one by one? No.

Is tumblr staff deliberately crafting a system that allows TERFs and other conservative bigots to get rid of the "undesirables" for them? Yup. But they sure as hell are trying to not say the quiet part out loud. If they can always point the finger somewhere else, to the advertisers, to the automated systems, to the TERFs, then they can always have juuusssttt enough plausible deniability.

But being the "queerest place on the internet" requires concious acknowledgement that queer people will be targets of harassment, and you will have to protect against that.

Side note, this is why I do try to keep my blog at least somewhat SFW. Its one of the main reasons why I choose not to reblog all of the posts I'm tagged in- if the post is overtly NSFW, I've probably seen it, appreciated it, and consciously decided my level of interaction with it mostly based on how "tumblr friendly" it is. Is that bowing down to them? A little. It's also my choice. I value the community I have here. The pushes that y'all have given me gave me the strength to transition, and honestly gives me a lot of motivation to research HRT biology as much as I can, among many other things.

Yeah, I post pictures that are clearly meant to be found attractive in ways that are generally not socially acceptable , but never actual NSFW. I would like to think that I'm pretty safe from bans, but hey. Who knows. I don't want to lose my follower base, and the community around it.

And yeah, I'm gonna annoyingly remind you of the other places to find me, make sure to check my pin. If you don't know where to go, just find me on reddit and go from there, I'll post about it if anything happens.

[easy-there-leftovers]

As Cool As I Think I Am

Summary: The 5 times Spencer tries to be cool, and the 1 time he doesn't care. 

Alternatively; Spencer never thought he was cool, but he found himself wanting to be just for you. 

[a/n] Recommended to be read after, "A Question Unasked", and is a roundabout sequel to "Mixed Messages."

Pairing: Spencer Reid x fem! (mentored by Hotch!) reader| cw: slight spoilers for s1e04, s1e06, s1e08, s1e10, and s1e18 | description of canon-typical violence, timeframe switches because I can, and Spencer being an oblivious, lovesick idiot (can't believe this version of him survived all of this lol) | word count: 7.2k

Amazing. You had called him, “amazing” during the Arizona case and that was all that had been occupying his mind as of late. He had been called brilliant before. Been described as bright, gifted, hell, he was called a genius even. Yet that was the first time anyone had said anything positive about him.

Removed from his intellectual capabilities.

It made him think that there was more that he could offer than just his never-ending stream of knowledge and incessant rambling.

You had seen that in him.

Seen that he was 'amazing.'

But he certainly wasn’t feeling that way now.

“On SWAT we broke shots down into three steps." Spencer nodded as he listened.

"One: Front sight. Focus on the front sight, not on the target. Two: Controlled trigger press. Three: Follow through. After the shot, you come right back to the target. Now, what did you do wrong?”

He sighs with his eyes closed. “I didn't follow through.” 

“Right. You came off the target to see where you hit.”

Hotch had been observing him for the past few minutes to prepare him for his assessment tomorrow, and yet it still felt like he was making no discernable progress. 

He had memorized every trick, every form, every physics interplay that could better the ballistics of his shot and yet he still couldn't do it.

"Hotch, my firearms qualification is tomorrow morning. I barely passed my last one." He had said, putting the gun down.

He feels his unit chief gently push him aside to demonstrate and he gets in position.

"Front sight," He aims his gun.

"Trigger press," He presses down on the trigger, resulting in a gunshot to the target.

"Follow through." He finally says. Keeping his eyes forward with his finger still depressing the trigger until he holsters his gun again.

"You do those three things, you'll hit your target every time." Spencer shakes his head.

He tries to replicate the steps again, but only fails miserably.

He has been doing that. He is doing that. And yet he still keeps missing.

If this wasn't part of his job, maybe he wouldn't have cared all too much about his gun proficiency. Or lack of.

And yet it was.

And it was imperative that he learned it to keep his place on the team, but he had been losing hope.

"They're going to take away my gun."

Sensing his frustration, Hotch empathizes with him.

"Profilers aren't required to carry." He groans at that.

"Yeah, but she does and she's great at it."

God, you must've thought he was pathetic.

Aaron laughs internally at that. He knows exactly who the younger one is talking about.

He had seen the way that Spencer had been watching his 'protege,' and it didn't take being a profiler to know that he was absolutely smitten. If he hadn't known any better, he would've thought that Reid's frustrations stemmed from wanting to seem more experienced in front of you.

And Hotch saw no problem with that, at least for now. On the contrary, the two of you working together seemed to have bolstered his focus on the case. Making the team more efficient with their investigations.

He also thinks that it helped because you seemed to return Reid's sentiment, which is why he had brought you along to help him.

So when Spencer turns and sees you walk in, he blanches.

As much as he really liked your presence (you were friends, right?), he really didn't want to embarrass himself in front of you.

He does that more than enough on his own.

But it seemed like your mentor didn't care.

Hotch says your name with a greeting before excusing himself which tells Spencer that he had planned this from the start. He sighs at that. Chest feeling heavy at the pressure.

He sees you give him a polite smile, which he's come to recognize to be your way of easing him, and he returns it.

"I've heard about your progress." Spencer rolls his eyes at that.

"More like regress. I'm sorry that you have to be here." You snort at his joke but shake your head to assure him.

"I'm right where I want to be. "

His heart fills, even though he knows that not what you meant.

"Why don't you go ahead and show me how you fire that gun?"

He nods and waits for you to put on your ear muffs and goggles before he returns to his position. Calming himself down as he remembers Hotch's words.

Front sight, trigger press, follow through.

He fires three bullets and sees them all hit the whites of the target, which makes him sigh for the umpteenth time.

He puts the gun down and lowers his ear muffs to look at you. Seemingly deep in thought, chin resting on your hand, with eyes travelling slowly up and down his form. Observing.

Scrutinizing.

Assessing.

He can't help but feel naked under your gaze.

He always knew you were smart. The cases you've helped solve were more than proof of just that, but he knew that even you couldn't solve the mystery that was his aim.

He couldn't expect that of you. He relies on you so often already.

He briefly wonders how there's such a different between you and him. You joined the same year, joined the same unit, and worked with the same people on the same cases. How was it that you seemed calmer, cooler, and more prepared for anything more than he ever was?

Spencer firmly believes that intelligence cannot be quantified. And if anyone ever doubted him, he would just point at you and say that you had him beat everywhere despite what any number might have to say otherwise.

Case and point. you had been talking to him about something very important and thoughtful and he had been zoning out the entire time.

"I um,–– what?"

You shake your head and gesture to his gun once more. "Show me your form again."

He takes his gun hesitantly, but readies himself the same way he did earlier. The only exception being that his finger isn't on the trigger.

He hears that telltale, almost bored, 'hm' of yours before you speak again.

"Tuck your chest in."

He's read countless firearm manuals and instructions and he's never heard of that before.

"I'm sorry?"

"Tuck your chest in." You say it again, but it's still not making sense to him.

Unable to voice or even act upon his confusion, he watches as you wait with an impassive face before asking,

"Can I touch you?" He lets out a shaky, but immediate 'yes' and you move to stand beside him.

Given your calm and nonchalant demeanor, he anticipates a more impersonal touch. For lack of a better word. He expects a shove. Maybe a push, to correct him into the right place.

So when your hand comes to softly rest on his stomach, fingers splaying across the expanse of his undefined abdominal muscles, he feels his breath hitch. Upper body slightly crumpling in on himself as he does.

He's surprised he hasn't dropped his gun.

"Dr. Reid,"

He's also surprised that his heart hasn't stopped. With how you said his name, and how close you are– he can already feel your soft breath gracing his ear–

"You're an autodidact, aren't you?"

A self-taught person, he thinks.

"I–– I am." Curse his shaky voice.

"You know, there are some things that can't be learned by just reading textbooks and looking at diagrams."

He feels you tap his stomach and he suddenly feels hot.

"Feel this?" He feels you engulfing his senses, that's for sure. But he nods slowly.

"Remember it. Your center of gravity is different from the subjects in those graphics. So the form you need to take is likewise different."

And just like that, all too quick for his liking, you move away. Hand leaving him just like whatever depraved thought might've been running around his head.

He hesitantly looks back at you, and you gesture to his gun again. Noticing how your free hand is resting on the gun in your holster.

A Glock 19, he remembers.

"Go ahead and shoot like that now."

He does, in the same way that he's compelled to follow your voice like always–

Front sight, trigger press, follow through.

And fires three shots.

To his surprise, he manages to shoot the target's chest. Not quite centered, he admits, but its a vast improvement from his previous attempts.

"I– I did it." He feels the disbelief on his face when he looks at you again. He's expecting you to look just as shocked as he does. After all, you saw just how egregious his aim was. So it surprises him when he turns and is greeted instead with the small smile on your face.

Not the same polite smile that you usually give when you're at work, no. It was a soft, genuine smile, or so he thinks.

"I never doubted your capabilities, Dr. Reid."

He beams under your praise. Blooming like a flower under the warm radiance of the Sun. Once again subject to that brain-freezing sensation from a few weeks ago.

If he just remembers everything you told him today, which wasn't a lot, he theoretically should pass his firearm qualifications with no problem.

And maybe, just maybe, he'll get to see you smile at him again.

After all, he had always wanted for you to look at him. Actually look at him.

Maybe if he passes his test this time, you will.

----

The following day, he doesn’t pass his test.

And he is much more embarrassed now than he ever was before. 

He returns to the bullpen with his head down. Already expecting everyone to know of his failure.

He really didn't want to see if you were one of the ones that had been looking at him.

What he doesn't see is that you were.

But you weren't disappointed at all. You wanted nothing more than to reassure him. To tell him that you could always help him again, and that you didn't mind the extra work if it weren't for the stares that you had been getting back.

Seemingly turning your what-would've-been act of friendship and care into an expectation and responsibility.

"Make a wish!"

"Come on, man. Blow, baby, blow!"

"I thought you were full of hot air, Reid."

"They're trick candles, Spence, okay? They–– They're going to come back on every time."

While Spencer is glad that he’s spending his birthday with actual people, there's one in particular that he's missing.

He also feels sort of embarrassed that he's having a full-on birthday at his workplace. Though he is very thankful that his friends care about him enough to do this.

"Hope you like chocolate." JJ says with a laugh and he is only now recognizing the cake. Previously too caught up in blowing out the undying flames to even notice the festive dessert that supported them.

"Where's the cake from?" The blonde only gives him a look that he can't quite understand, but he is immediately distracted when he feels a draft from where Hotch passes by him.

He looks in the direction he came from and lo and behold, he found the very person he was missing.

He gets up, wanting to at least get a greeting from you, but he's interrupted by Gideon asking him something before he can even try.

"You having fun?"

He knows that he's asking him, but he can also see how his eyes aren't quite addressing him back. Instead, looking up a few inches above him.

He gives a tight lip smile when he realizes just what he's looking at.

God, he felt pathetic.

“Yes, definitely. I am definitely– having fun.” 

"Make a wish?" He asks another question and that’s when Spencer sees what he's doing now.

Ever since he first exhibited signs of interest in you, he knew that his mentor would be the first to clock them. He couldn't even hide it if he tried. If there was anyone on the team that he knew would figure it out this quick, it would've been him.

He expected it.

What he didn't expect was for Gideon to show disapproval for it.

For you.

Back during the Arizona case, he remembers how Gideon had interrupted you when you were explaining something. And that's when he realized you were going to have a hard time.

You were going to have a hard time because of his own rapidly growing interest.

Because he froze when you said one nice thing about him, then proceeded to wow him with your observational skills.

He didn't want Gideon to think that you were being a distraction to him, so he instead chose to show just how well the two of you had worked together. Even going as far as to double down and reiterate your statements to convince him of that.

And it seemed to have worked, but now he wasn't so sure.

"Can I take this hat off?"

He wanted nothing more than to do just that before you notice him, but his mentor just shook his head.

"I wouldn't."

He doesn't know it's because Gideon knew you found it cute.

By the time that he notices the elder doesn't really care about the conversation anymore, probably too distracted by the TV behind him, his gaze finally focuses on you.

The very person that he had intended to talk to.

The one he intended to talk the entire time before he got sidetracked.

You still hadn't turned to look at him though, or make an attempt to greet him. Not even a laugh to mock him for the huge, 'Happy Birthday' hat that sat on his head to make him look like a dunce!

Instead, you were staring at something. Or rather, someone.

He turns his head to look just where you were and there he sees his unit chief, your mentor, on the receiving end of your intense gaze.

Just like always.

He shakes his head and decides to just go talk to you, but he is once again interrupted. This time by Hotch with a solemn expression on his face.

“Sorry guys. Party’s over.”

You immediately spring into action at his words, completely missing his hand that was just about to come up to wave at you. He tightens his lips into a thin smile.

Spencer's starting to doubt Morgan and Elle's words.

–––––––––––––

The sentiment is rectified when he finally receives the one thing he had been looking forward to on his birthday, and it wasn't the gift.

Not even the greeting.

It was being able to be in your presence. Being able to spend time with you. The you that wasn't so stressed or strict about work, or the case, or your boss.

It was just him and you. You and him. And the scarf that seemed to warm him just as much as his heart warmed at the sight of your smiling face.

God, what he would do to have this with you forever.

Spencer is well aware that likes you.

Hell, even the rest of team knows it by now, but he's starting to fear that his unconscious mind is more aware of that than his conscious one.

Case and point, he had been having dreams.

Nightmares, actually.

Nightmares that he can't help but think will happen if he takes his eyes off of you for even a second.

Morgan had asked him earlier when he was making coffee if something was causing him to lose sleep. If you had been causing him to lose sleep, he had asked with a teasing smirk.

And while normally he would've flushed and stumbled at his implication that a night of you had been keeping him up, he admits to what's been plaguing his mind.

Naturally, he doesn't tell him the full nature of his night terrors. But his friend doesn't need him to. Not with the way that his eyes try to find yours every chance he gets, focus going in and out of the conversation like an adjusting lens.

Spencer fears that one day, no matter how strong or smart or clever you are, it's his negligence that'll place you on the receiving end of a killer's weapon.

And that there's nothing that he can do to stop them from landing the finishing blow.

He knows that it's not rational, but he also knows that dreams are rarely, if not never, rational. Studies show that around seventy to eighty-percent of dreams contain bizarre or irrational elements. This included unusual settings, impossible scenarios, and illogical developments to be featured in the unconscious brain.

Doesn't mean that he's alright with seeing it so often, though.

What's worse is that he knows that it can very much happen during the BAU cases. And that he can't even prepare himself for that scenario.

He's practically deadweight on the field with his still erratic aim and bambi legs, he's surprised you aren't sick of him yet.

He laughs a bit at the thought. Clutching a portion of his scarf—the only thing that has been keeping the nightmares at bay— as he promises himself that he won't leave your side.

Especially not in the confounding forest of McAllister, Virginia.

Which is why he's stuck in his current position.

“Dr. Reid, I need you to check back downhill and see if the deputies have returned.” He looks at you incredulously.

“What? No! I can’t leave you here– ” 

He doesn't know what exactly you found in the abandoned house, but he knew that it wasn't wise to leave you with no one but a high schooler.

You might think he's not all that different from the kid, but he's at least trained to be an FBI agent.

“We need the rest of the sheriffs and the crime scene team here.”

You looked dead into his eyes, yet he still didn't relent. No matter how reasonable your request was.

In any other situation, he might've thought you were cool. That you were handling the situation like a natural, and that you were very responsible for taking charge when he was there with his heart threatening to beat out of his chest.

But he didn't want to leave you. Not when you looked like you've just seen a ghost.

He grasped your shoulders, firmly but gently, and practically begged for you to come with him.

Stating that what you were feeling was a completely normal physiological response. That your body was sending neropinephrine to your brain to help regulate the stress and compensate for whatever was happening inside of you and that it would be safer to stay together––

But when he sees you ice him out– concealing all remaining traces of shock or fear or worry– he freezes.

His eyes raked across your features, biding his time. Committing every micro-reaction, every hair out of place, every faux-calm movement of your eyes before he had to let you go with a nod. Leaving hurriedly to find anyone that can help and constantly looking back at you to assure his consciousness that you were fine, and that you would be fine.

When he saw that the other sheriff wasn't there yet, much less anyone for that matter, he immediately went back. Running uphill fast to get to you.

To make sure that you were alright, that you were alive, and that no one was coming to hurt you.

Which is how he found himself here.

Gun held to his head by the very high schooler that, he thought, wouldn't have been of help if another dangerous person had shown up.

When you raised your hands and dropped your gun in surrender, he was scared of what would happen to you both if he didn't act quick.

But he was even more scared of what could happen to you if he doesn't talk his way out.

Fast.

So that's what he did.

––––––––––

He didn't get to check on you, he realizes.

He knew you were able to knock the kid out, he was there when he helped you distract him, but he must’ve been wheezing because he was the first one to get ushered out and checked on.

He wants to tell them to check on you. That you had landed pretty badly when the unsub was able to push you back, but he can hardly even hear his own thoughts.

The siren of the police car, the medic talking to him, the rest of the team discussing the case's outcome, and his own heart in his ears were simply too much for him.

By the time that things had settled down, he notices that you still aren't there with him. He worries and whips his head around wildly before his eyes find yours already looking at him.

Doing so with an expression of regret or grief etched onto your face.

He sighs in relief, and gives you the best smile he can give to assure you that he's okay despite having been worried sick.

He needed you to know that he was fine. That it wasn’t your fault. That he was glad you're okay too.

That he was so impressed with what you had done despite the circumstances, and that you had handled the situation way better than he knew anyone on the team ever could.

So when you seem to turn away from him, he briefly wonders if something was actually wrong.

He tries to look back on what might've happened. Wonders if there's something he didn't see when he came back, or when he was away––

And that's when he realizes something.

Could he have put you in more danger when he came back to check on you? That he had accidentally sabotaged your takedown?

He sighs. He must've looked so pathetic in front of you getting grabbed like that–– but he's not sorry.

He had been doing that for your safety and for his own peace of mind–– he wasn't going to apologize for caring about you.

He'll make it up to you somehow.

The next time you go on another case together, which you two inevitably will, he'll make it up to you.

That, he promises.

He actually doesn't get to work with you again. So he decides that he can make it up to you by narrowing down the unsub's identity.

In fact, he hasn't seen you at all since the team first arrived at the crime scene.

You had been working with Hotch and Morgan on more field operations, leaving him with Elle and Penelope doing background checks on possible suspects. And while he wasn't with you, he'd like to think that he's still enjoying the company.

Well, that's what he would like to think.

He has no problems working with Elle. She was a nice colleague that seemed to occasionally humor his rants and got the job done quickly. And Penelope was someone that the both of you really got along with. Occasionally having this back and forth unique to the three of you.

But they weren't you.

Still. What he thought about you can wait later. He still has to think about his escape route if the two break out into a fight.

Right now, the three of them had staked out one Michael Russo who they anticipated would call his hitman, the suspected Unsub. They were hoping to get a name from what they could pick up from his end of the call, and they did.

Problem was,

"Russo's got eleven associates named Vincent." Spencer raised his brows at that.

Vincent is a name of Latin origins. He shouldn't be surprised that the mob had a handful of people with that name, but it was kind of too on the nose at this point.

"Oh, make that ten. Vincent Cellito died last summer. But here's something––Vincent Sartori."

He really wants to find this guy, so he chooses to keep looking through the list. Ignoring the growing tension between the two girls.

"Currently doing six at Dannemora for racketeering."

Spencer then speaks up again, "How about this Perotta? There's not much on him."

Garcia makes quick work to pull up what seemed to be deleted records and that's where they find something interesting.

"Alcohol addiction at 14, violent outbursts, assaults,–– Once threw a Molotov cocktail at someone sitting in their car." She can't believe what she's reading.

"Several notations for aggression," He adds, but this is where he sees something truly wrong.

"He once scheduled a visit to an infirmary to gain access to a–– boy who looked at him for too long?"

He really didn't want to meet this guy.

"No fear, no remorse, quick temper. And he was smart enough to stay off the radar as an adult," Elle interprets. "Paranoid personality. Could be our guy."

And he really didn't want you to meet him either.

All the evidence is stacking up against him though, so you just might have to. He just wished that nothing bad would happen when you did.

––––––––––

While right now they weren't sure if he was the unsub, he was definitely someone who fit their profile. He saw some LEO's bring in a guy who had essentially been cuffed at every limb, accompanied by Hotch and Gideon, but he had yet to see the others.

He sees Morgan, who is walking alongside Elle (she went to see what all the commotion was about) but with who he sees next, he feels his stomach drop. Heart rate spiking in contrast to an all time high that he's practically sure he has tachycardia.

"What happened to you!?"

He got up from his seat to run over but you just shake your head.

You had come back with your clothes and hair in disarray, a bleeding nose, and a a busted lip. A complete disparity to the normally clean-cut and professional look that you had strived to maintain.

Even when you had been tackled to the ground a few cases back, the damage wasn't nearly as bad as this.

It's Derek that answers his question for him though.

"Perotta hit your girl up in the head, Reid." He chooses to ignore the joke. Too worried as he tries to check on your head but you just softly squeeze his hands to reassure him before you push them away.

Still not looking at him as you finally speak.

"It wasn't that bad. He hesitated. It could've been worse."

He doesn't like your answer.

If you had just been hit in the head and yet your nose is bleeding, that was a clear sign of a concussion. And the cut on your lip had to be from a fall. On asphalt or onto another material, it didn't matter to him since both are just as bad.

As he expresses that, you just tell him to drop it and then move away from him.

Before he can say more however, Hotch comes back into the room with his usually stern expression. A bit of worry lacing his tone, Spencer notes, as he orders you.

"Go home."

He's staring you down, but it seemed you had a lot more to say to that.

"Sir Hotchner, I would be of much more use in here. It is imperative that all available resources are focused on the retrieval of James Baker." He sighs because you're right, but that doesn't seem enough to satisfy you.

The boy-genius hates it when you use reason to get your way.

"Fine. Help Reid and the others with the evidence. We can narrow down his area of operation from there. They should be arriving soon."

You shake your head adamantly. "Sir, I can handle the interrogation--"

"No you can't!"

Spencer surprises himself with his outburst, but you don't even turn to look at him.

It's Hotch that gives him a very pointed stare though before continuing,

"Reid is right, agent. We'll handle the interrogation, so please busy yourself here." He says it with a finality that is indicative of his departure but you stop him one last time. Hand going up to rest on your mentor's collar.

He sees you gesture to your own, and Spencer hears an intention in your voice that he can't quite understand.

"Let's not give him a weapon, sir. He's pretty strong."

He sees his boss nod, and he takes off his tie. Putting the cloth into your awaiting hand, and you grip it out of instinct.

Reid zones out as he sees this interaction in disbelief. Did you normally touch the others like this?

You had completely brushed off his concern, not even looking at him. And yet when it was your unit chief that told you to do so, you had simply followed?

He thought he was starting to become an exception to you, but had he been reading the signs wrong? It could very much be a possibility as he was never good at doing so.

Even later when he had been sifting through the bags from the suspect's van, you still didn't respond to him. Even going as far as to ignoring Penelope's offer to watch the tapes they had found in Perotta's van. Shaking your head, 'no' with a faraway look in your eyes.

Just what had exactly happened while he wasn't by your side?

At this point, Spencer’s convinced that you would never like him.

If not for you having eyes on literally anyone else but him, then definitely because he had disappointed you. Desecrated the honor that came with being an FBI agent.

Just because he had been distracted.

A whirlwind of emotions had been flurrying inside him since the very beginning of this case, but he swears that he had never meant for this.

He doesn't even remember how it happened. Which baffled him, given his memory. But he thinks it's because he couldn't have cared less about the past few hours.

He had been stuck babysitting Lila only because you had told him so. Entrusted him with her because you thought that he was the best person to guard her, to comfort her.

He didn’t know it was because you had a feeling he’d be safer by her side.

And some part of him was flattered that you had said all this about him. Especially when all Lila would hear from him were endless praises of your name, of your work, and your caring nature.

But another part of him felt ignored. Pushed aside.

He doesn't know when it had happened, but Hotch had stopped pairing you together some cases ago. Saying something about you needing physical training, though he sincerely doubted that.

He thought that things were going well between you two. He had just been trying to find the perfect window where you would see him in a good enough light.

A good enough light that would make you say 'yes' to going on a date with him.

He didn't even care that the pretty blonde was interested in him. He only agreed because you stressed her safety more than any other target thus far. But the attention that she was giving him?

That was all that he wanted from you.

All he'd been wanting for months.

And when he had kissed her, all he could think about was you. How it would've felt if it was you in his arms, how you would react if it had been you that he was touching.

But then immediately after, how you would react to him kissing another girl.

God, he was pathetic.

He knew that you had been having a hard time lately. And he also knew that it had a lot to do with your work, how he did his, and his safety. That was all you ever stressed about when you were with him.

If he was safe.

You'd think he'd learn that by now, but he hasn't. Which is why even when he knew all this, his heart still ached as he sees you cry into Morgan's arms. Sobbing like no tomorrow. All because of something he did.

All because he took all your hard work, that had been focused on keeping him alive, and essentially throwing it right back at your face.

His negligence did that.

And he supposes that now, he can't do anything to get into your good graces anymore. Not when Derek Morgan seemed to better at doing his job as a federal agent, and his job as your friend.

When he finally gets changed into dry clothes and enters Lila's house, he doesn't miss the way that you turn from him. He also doesn't miss the glare the other agent was giving him. Nor the careful hand that had been rubbing up and down your arm.

Something that he wished he could've been doing instead.

––––––––––

God, he wanted to be anywhere but here, considering this is where it all went downhill.

"Did you give Lila Archer a collage?" Gideon had started the interrogation, so even if he did want to leave, he couldn't.

"What?"

"There's a photographic collage above Lila Archer's sofa. She says you gave it to her."

But the faster that they could get this done, the faster he could apologize to you.

"So? I didn't make the damn thing." Parker had laughed out, clearly not comprehending the severity of the situation.

"So you just happened to give her a work of art containing most of her life in it?" Spencer pushed but was surprised to see his ex-classmate seemingly have no recollection of the situation at all.

Something was wrong.

If it wasn't him, then who––?

"I––no, no. Look, I lied. I just wanted her to like me. I met her here, and she was a fan of art. Someone gave me the piece to give to her, but I told her it was from me."

It can't be––

"I said I found it, and I thought she'd love it."

"And who gave it to you?" Morgan had finally asked.

"Her name's Maggie Lowe. She uh––She works on Lila's show."

When Spencer hears this, he immediately goes to call you on his phone. Maggie Lowe had gone to Juilliard with Lila and was the production assistant that he swore he saw go in and out of her trailer.

If he wasn't so distracted, he would've fucking noticed that.

But his phone doesn't even ring for a few moments before the call is declined.

What the fuck was happening?

Before he could ask anyone else, he heard Derek speak up.

“Sweet girl, listen to me. We have a name, and it’s ‘Maggie Lowe.’ We’re on our wa—" Spencer tries to talk to you through Morgan's phone, but is knocked off balance when the man turns around in shock.

"Christ man—we're on our way back over there, okay? Stay put and we’ll let Hotch and JJ know.” 

"Let me talk to her!" He practically begs, but before anyone could even understand what he was saying, the call is ended from your side.

"Reid, what the hell were you trying to do?"

He's shocked at his own actions too, but that's not what's on his mind right now.

"She dropped my call but she answered yours? And since when did you start calling her that?"

He knew it wasn't fair, especially after what he had done, but just when did you and him happen?

"Since you started being a dumbass. Get over yourself, kid."

Everyone then started making their way to the two SUV's parked outside, but Spencer took the one that Morgan was driving.

He wasn't done with this conversation.

He tries to call you again, but this time, it looks like the line is busy. What was going on, where were you? He tries Lila's phone, even though he's sure she won't pick up and nothing either.

He has half a mind to ask Morgan to call you, in case you were just being petty and ignoring him, but he feels his phone vibrate. He suddenly hears his phone ring, and he hurriedly answers without checking the caller ID.

Hoping that it would be you on the other hand as he called out your name.

"Nope, sorry hon, it's me." It was Garcia's voice, but it sounded like she was shaking. Sensing the urgency in her voice, he instinctively puts his phone on speaker.

"Reid, I need you to listen to me very carefully— I've already alerted officials in the area, but your unsub? Is in Lila Archer's house."

You can't keep doing this, he thinks. You can't keep scaring him like this, because he's starting to feel so sick.

He looks to his friend in the driver's seat and sees him nod when they make eye contact. Speeding up as they thank Penelope before she ended the call.

At this point, he could care less with how pathetic he might've looked. No longer caring about how uncool you thought he was, or whatever might've been going on between you and Morgan, or if you still had a crush on your boss— none of that.

They had left you behind with Lila and no one else.

Spencer had always feared that one day, no matter how strong or smart or clever you are, it's his negligence that'll place you on the receiving end of a killer's weapon. And that there's nothing that he can do to stop them from landing the finishing blow.

If the reason you were alone and held captive by some psychotic shooter was because he had pissed you off enough to even dismiss his help?

He might never forgive himself for it.

When they arrive, he immediately gets out of the car. Ready to run in and ambush Maggie by himself if he has to when Lila runs into his arms. Holding a gun in her hand as if it were a bomb.

A Glock 19 that he's seen you use since his first official cases on the team.

He notices Morgan, Elle, and Gideon were already out, but Hotch and JJ have still yet to arrive.

He knows that he should wait until further instructions. That there wasn't a protocol for this specific situation. Or maybe there was, but his IQ of 187 had always been slashed down to 60 whenever you were involved.

When he hears a gun fire from inside the house, he's the first one that starts running.

He's thankful that he wasn't alone when he did though.

By the time that Maggie had been apprehended, you were already well on your way to the nearest hospital. According to the clock from inside your room, and the news report that had been playing, a full twelve hours at the very least had passed since then.

You tried to remember what had happened. Tried to remember how you screamed for help once you had subdued her. How she shot you when you tackled her.

Probably with the intention to kill you, then herself had you not talked her out of it.

You groan as you feel the blooming pain in your side. Probably from the GSW that you're going to have to note in your action report.

And then you remembered how you realized what you felt for Spencer and the rest of the team.

You shake your head despondently.

When you look back on every situation where you had essentially put yourself on the line for his sake, you notice that you had really been doing that out of your own volition.

That you had been doing it because you didn't want him getting hurt.

You just didn't like that the the team was turning it into some sort of responsibility.

And sure. Maybe the others were complicit in pairing you up, or guilty for giving you odd looks, but they probably wouldn't have done that if it wasn't something you were already going to do.

God, you felt so pathetic.

You don't think you can handle looking at Spencer now. Not after your existential crisis, and certainly not after what you said before he left.

But luck has a way, so it seems, to constantly elude you.

You note this as you see the very man that you had been thinking of slowly opening the door and perking up when he sees your eyes on him.

Well, as perked up as he could be. Given the circumstances.

"How uh—, How are you? A-Are you...okay?"

You take in how he looks when he asks. Dark rings encircling his eyes, (he had been up all night waiting for you), usually neat hair in a mess (he had been running his hands through them nonstop), and shirt all crumpled from being hunched over for so long (a different one, because he just couldn't stand the vague scent on chlorine in his old one.)

Your heart sinks at the sight and you beckon him closer with your strong hand. Echoing his question.

"Are you okay, Dr. Reid?"

He lets out a shaky breath when he finally hears your soft voice again, slowly approaching you as he does. He was so worried that the last words he would hear from you would be your disappointment, but he persists.

"Can you please answer the question? I don't like it when you pretend like you're okay when you're obviously not."

His hand finds its way to trace little patterns on the back of yours. Occasionally looking up at to see if he was hurting you, before continuing when he sees that he isn't. Feeling too shy to do anything more.

You roll your eyes at the gesture. Flipping his hand to rest on the hospital bed and slipping yours on top of his. Giving it a soft squeeze.

"I could be better." You then squeeze his hand again. "Is this what you were trying to do?"

He thinks for a while, as if not really understanding your question, before nodding vigorously.

You smile at the sight but then feel your regret from a few hours ago come rushing back.

"I'm really sorry. For...everything." You don't think he knows what you're apologizing for, but you do it anyway.

If not now, when?

Spencer laughs a little at that but shakes his head. "Morgan told me about what you said. Back at Lila's. Well, more like he told everyone while we were waiting for you to wake up."

You nod. Suddenly feeling guilty for trying to make contact so you try to let go, but he only entangles your fingers once more. Intertwining them as much as he can since this is the closest that he can afford to have you right now.

He feels his lips tightening into a thin smile before he says what's been haunting him for the past few hours.

"I'm sorry that you had to deal with me for so long. I never meant to burden you like that or make your job harder."

"No, Spencer please," you start, rubbing the only part of his hand that you could reach with your thumb.

"You were never a burden. I was just—caught up in a bunch of things."

He doesn't miss how your usual eloquence evades you. Which gives him a bit of an idea as to how unscripted and vulnerable you were being with him right now.

And as much as he should hate this for you, he'd love it if you would learn to be a bit more vulnerable in front of him. Even if it was a departure from your usually starched blazers, pressed blouses, and clean-cut exterior.

He still thought you were cool just like this.

"Have I ever told you that I thought you were really cool?" You weakly snort at that.

"If by 'cool,' you mean constantly worrying about how everything could go wrong, then yeah. I'm super cool."

He shakes his head at that, but it looked like you weren't done.

"I think you looked cooler, though. Especially when you were next to the pool trying to dry your gun. You looked like a wet rat."

He groans at the mention but you continue to tease him.

"Hey, you were a handsome wet rat. Still a rat, but... you know. From Vegas. Arguably not as bad as the ones from New York. Now though, you're a handsome dry rat."

Now that, he just wines at. You weren't being fair.

How could you make him go through all this and then say that?

Did you know what kind of effect you have on him?

The two of you continue to sling back jokes at the other, a common thing you used to do before things went south. And just enjoying each other's presence.

Holding his hand as you absentmindedly started massaging it. He didn't even notice how his hand had been shaking since the moment you first held onto it.

He was so so glad you were alive. That you were still here, with him. And there's no place he would rather be than where you were.

"So. How about you start telling me what you've been up to while I've been knocked out, hm? What have you learned, genius?"

He's learned a quite a lot, while you were away.

He learned that he should probably encourage you to have more breaks. Learned that you should both talk to each other, and everyone, a bit more. And he learned that you two weren't so different after all.

He's also learned how much he really liked your smile, your laugh, your soft touch, and the way that his name fell from your lips.

He doesn't tell you any of this, however.

Opting to instead tell you about the numerous facts he's picked up during the case, and how much he hated Hollywood.

[a/n] And with that, this marks the end of this specific timeline! I've honestly loved writing with this reader's specific personality in mind, and I'm looking forward to how she'll mellow out when she learns to be more honest.

I have a few ideas for one shots regarding this specific dynamic, but if you enjoyed it as much as I did, please tell me what you thought about this short series! And if you have any idea on what you'd like to see next from these dumbasses, send an ask my way!

Thank you so much for liking them thus far.

Like my work? Consider tipping me!!

[merakiui]

Can we hear more thoughts on self-aware skully in a halloween-themed otome?? I think it's such a fun concept! Thinking of him, loving us knowing that he will never have us<33

:D the basic idea is that the love interests are everyone in TNBC event and it focuses on you and them planning the perfect Halloween celebration alongside the residents of Halloween Town. Spend a week getting closer to and raising the affection meter of your beloved and perhaps he might confess on Halloween night under a brilliant moon! <3

Skully is a side character who is merely there to progress the plot; he doesn't have any real route for himself, nor does he have any of the mechanics the other characters have (affection meters). But if he did perhaps he might be the secret yandere route most otome games have...

Unfortunately, most of his scenes with you are very short and he's often there to make the love interest shine brighter. When Leona warns you not to listen to a fanatic like him, that only misfortune can come from readily believing everything he says, it's meant to make you fall for Leona and his protective charm. Or when Jamil asks Skully if he's doing okay when he notices how downcast he seems, it's to make you fawn over how considerate and observant he appears. But all of this is just part of pre-programmed characteristics. It's all part of a script. Skully plays his part in this drama, almost like a ghost as he floats through whichever route you choose to pursue, and with every replay he begins to realize there's more beyond the world he's confined to.

You can't actually like these characters, right? They're just caricatures. They're programmed to fall for you, but Skully's love for you is a natural progression! It's real. Sure, you click through some of his dialogue when it's too long, but please don't ignore him. >_< surely you don't agree with the others on their idea for Halloween! You think a somber Halloween is better, right? One that's quiet and solemn. One that's meant for reflection. One that's better spent alone. He knows you're a sweet, considerate person at heart. Surely you share his feelings on this matter.

The game has a feature where one of the love interests will visit you each day you log in during the seven-day timeframe, and it gives you chances to either raise or lower their affection meter when you interact with them. Imagine your surprise when Skully, who isn't a love interest and thus shouldn't be here, forces himself into the spotlight, hoping to have a private chat with you. He's so excited! Oh, what should he say? He isn't confined by the laws of the script, so he can say and do whatever he wants! It's how he's able to be so much more expressive than the other characters.

You watch in surprise as the blank bubble fills with a dialogue you've never encountered before:

Lovely person beyond the screen, I greet you with a kiss! Allow me to remind you of what the real Halloween is.

[kremlin]

@wikwalker hi sure yes anything to give me an excuse to procrastinate the post i should be writing right now. here are all teh drugs and how to manage them. you can trust me, a drug addict

first of all: https://www.erowid.org/ , erowid always

don't be afraid of drugs, if they're the right drugs, you should do them since they will be a blast regardless and overcoming fear is also good (but outside the scope here)

OK to do as much as you want: alcohol - social benefit greatly outweighs health effects, no reason to avoid if predisposed to abuse since that'll happen sooner or later. what can i say? don't be a fucking dork. when you start drinking, really overdo it as much as possible without dying and get a few real nasty hangovers under your belt so you know how much is the right amount to drink.

weed - innocuous enough to be fine but will make you stupid in the long term. make sure to only buy from a real drug dealer and never some legal institution. cut it out when you're a "real adult". don't smoke weed and watch TV routinely, go out and do things so you naturally grow to hate it. good to go through this as early as possible to minimize the time you spend as a cringe weed enthusiast

i guess those are the only two.

ok to do infrequently (annually): "lsd" - or whatever it is, probably not lsd, blah blah blah, if it works and is sold on blotter its fine and won't make you go nuts or whatever. opt for a better psychadelic imo. see psych rule at bottom of section

mushrooms - better than acid since you know what they are. rule of thumb is to always do more than you think you want. minimum 1/8oz. see psych rule at bottom of post

dmt - if you somehow have a dmt hookup you don't need to be reading any of this. lasts 10 minutes which leads to tendency to way overdo it, don't do this, my favorite webcomic artist is permanently crazy from exactly that. using a crack pipe is also not the uhhhh most dignifying-feeling thing to do either. it's harder than you think.

mdma - for use at electronic music event or rave. overuse causes brain lesions or something.

coke - wait until you're in your 20s, have maxed out your roth IRA for a couple of years in a row, and havent missed a car payment in a similar timeframe. better still if you've worked a very shitty low paying job and know the value of a dollar. if you still find yourself buying candy you're not ready. too expensive to be worth it to get hooked on. know that you are VERY ANNOYING to anyone who also isn't high. don't fuck around with the guy selling it to you. avoid discussing or thinking about business ideas. you can't afford to make it a habit + kinda turns you into a piece of shit after a while, but at least a very interesting one

ketamine - another sick drug that rules, but save it for a special occasion. don't try and go into the k-hole your first time

rule for psychedelics - you get one good strong trip a year and that's it, make it count, always opt for doing a bit more than a bit less. but don't make it a habit, otherwise you turn into a very stupid very annoying "hippy" style cliché and believe in ghosts, aliens, crap like that.

ok to try once prescription opiates/benzodiazepine (xanax), valium, this kind of shit - worth trying so you can go "holy shit, this stuff is way way way too good to ever use responsibly" and then never do again. especially if you're white. for some reason we just can't handle this shit. if a doctor prescribes it to you, idk, that's your call to make.

ayhuasca - this is just dmt in a different form. do some other psychadelics a number of times before you do this. once you realize the whole "substantial visual hallucinations" thing is made up, its time. do exactly this: -buy root online (legal). receive box of dirt -boil dirt into "tea" (read erowid for exact recipe) -take over-the-counter anti nausea medicine or anything that will give you a stronger stomach -drink tea (its nasty as fuck, get it down quick) -have someone bigger than you keep an eye on you for the next five hours. -have the experience, which is absurdly intense, has no bearing to the real world, etc etc. don't be a bitch and throw up, if you do it'll only last an hour or so. again there is no way to provide a consistent description of the experience except that you will meet god. you only ever need to do this once and never again. trust me

peyote/salvia/etc - try em if you want, you'll never ever want to again afterwords. these are drugs for idiot teenagers too lame to get real drugs. imagine being very very sick from poison and utterly terrified at the same time. No good

whippets/nitrous oxide - just find a dentist that uses it and don't bother creating hundreds of pounds of trash on your floor for this crap that lasts ten seconds. you have to understand the extremely short timeframe coupled with the cost makes zero sense. go to a phish concert parking lot and do some people watching -- you do not want to be these people. only use is as a motivator to get routine dental exam. also if you somehow manage to make it a heavy habit your fucking legs stop working, no shit, but they start working again once you quit.

don't ever do heroin/meth/pcp - is is truly a mystery why you should never do these 🙄

synthetic weed/k2/shit from the gas station - it is so funny that they sell this as "weed that won't pop you on a drug test". its not weed. it is some dubious chemical sprayed on yard waste. smoke it to have a terrible time and go nuts. only buy drugs from legitimate drug dealers!

kratom - anyone's guess as to why this is legal but it's heroin for pussies. its still heroin

dxm/cough syrup - do you ever wonder why it is exclusively teenagers robotripping? it's because it sucks ass. is like a cheesegrater on your brain in terms of health effects with repeated usage. you're better than this king

inhalants - these are at the bottom of the list for a reason. do not huff gas. don't huff paint. do not consume computer duster. not fun + fastest way to make yourself a complete, uh, (word i can't say anymore) and then dead

not listed quaaludes- unavailable due to no longer being manufactured. these ruled apparantly

sincis2c - unavailable due to not existing, i just made this up

amphetamines - cannot provide objective take here. they're my albatross, lifelong (posted 4:55am natch)

[skyfallscotland]

Ok so Rebecca did a one hour panel today in Sydney with Lynette Noni hosting, where she asked questions and then they opened it to fans. I've kind of summarised the things I haven't seen mentioned over and over, but I don't frequent the subreddit anymore or use TikTok, so there might be overlap. In any case, it's long. Settle in. I've sectioned it into plot/character relevant first, then themes and interesting facts about her and her writing. Basically, you all came with me. 💗

• In book three (and every book thereafter) we'll be going to more and more new places. She specifically worded it as "watching the map expand" whether that's significant or not, I don't know. (I was thinking Isle Kingdoms for OS, but maybe that's just my wishful thinking).

• She implied Jack will have a reason (explained) for uh...being a power-hungry prick? lol

• She's hella defensive of Dain, which I love. #DainApologistsClub 😌 Some highlights include:

"You guys give Dain so much shit for the same thing Xaden does. You really do and you're so fast to forgive Xaden and not Dain. Why? Is it because he's hot?"

And, "when push comes to shove, all Dain did—yes he violated her boundaries, as does Xaden—but all he did was trust his dad when his best friend no longer spoke to him. That's it."

"When Dain looks at her (in the interrogation chamber) and says 'if you had just told me, none of this would have happened', he's not just talking about the interrogation, he's talking about Liam, he's talking about if she had just trusted him (in Fourth Wing) it never would have happened." 😢

• She was asked about Liam's appearance in the interrogation chamber and definitively put to rest any signet theories involving that. "She's so alone in that moment and...I don't read fan theories but sometimes they reach my ears; she's completely disconnected from her magic in that moment, she can't even reach out for Tairn or Andarna, which are the bonds that are actually most important to her. She can't reach out for Xaden. And that's the one person who would have prevented that from happening the last year, so it's natural that's who her mind would summon."

• She's thought about a spin-off series, but she's just trying to survive this series.

• Someone asked her if there'd be any redemption and romance for Jack Barlowe and honestly, thanks guys, I don't think she's ever coming back to this country 💀 ("Are you getting enough sleep? Uh...I mean, from his prison cell maybe? No.")

• Someone asked "what is Garrick's signet and why hasn't it been shown yet?" (shoutout to this girl, she's the real MVP) to which Rebecca said "it's very much in book three, I love it."

• Someone asked about the orange dragons and unpredictability re: Amber, Jack, Varrish and then Imogen and Brennan. Rebecca said some dragons might look for traits like their own and some look for balance because it's a partnership; and that Brennan as a strategist needed that little bit of unpredictability in his life (lol, I think he got it).

• She didn't always plan for Violet to have two dragons. Originally it was going to be one (Tairn) and the editor had hoped that she would sway towards a weaker, smaller dragon and she thought that was a little too close to Abraxos in ToG, and so they compromised and gave her both. She also went on to say she doesn't like overpowered heroines and since Tairn is extremely powerful, Andarna balanced that out. (I'm not...I'm not sure how that works out? But that's what was said.)

• We are definitely going to find out more about the original six (and Lynette asked if that was a spin-off possibility and was shushed, so she's thought about it at least, but I get the idea she's thought about a lot of possibilities 😂)

• There's no timeframe for the release of the final two books.

• Someone asked if Violet's dad was Malek to which she was kind of shocked. He's not a god, guys. And low-key I JUST WANT TO KNOW HIS NAME. 😤

• On Sgaeyl: "You do (get more of her) but holy crap is she pissed. So—I'll tell you that about Onyx Storm—she is really, really mad at Xaden and she's not exactly speaking to him at the moment. So it's hard for her to speak into that bond when she's not speaking to him." 💔

• She was asked about the Violet dated Halden theory (which was fucking hilarious because the poor girl misspoke and asked if Xaden dated the prince and we were all really confused about which TikToks the poor thing had seen (note to self: consider cam/xaden), anyway after we got to the bottom of that, Rebecca replied, "I think you should read the third book." Which I'm taking to mean, the man is making a damn appearance and we're gonna find out for ourselves 👀 Hey, if I'm lucky maybe we'll even find out his surname

• Finally she said she has EP on the Amazon series, they've all been exceptionally protective of it and that she's happy with how it's going (they're not near casting yet and she doesn't want to really comment on that ever, to leave each role open to as diverse a cast as possible). She said the production team has come to the signings in LA to meet readers and see what they love and are passionate about when it comes to the series to make sure that's honoured.

"Like I mean, I've seen certain...like what can I say without getting tackled to the ground? Let's just say they've already taken steps to make sure that what you guys love about the story is envisioned and that it's not run amok. And I'm very happy with it, they're super protective of it." Which could just be me reading into it, but the first place my brain went was the dragons 👀🐉 and the CGI or whatever.

• She was asked about where the inspiration for the universe came from and she said that when her Entangled decided they were going to do romantasy they asked her for five pitches and Fourth Wing was one of them (she won't say what the others were because she might still write them someday). She said she likes the fated mates trope but she wondered what that would look like if the dragons were the ones mated, not the humans and the humans who couldn't stand each other were forced to be around each other because of this. 

• Her first ever book was romantasy but it didn't sell

• She's never really written enemies to lovers before.

• She likes found family themes because she was raised in a military family and moved around a lot, so that makes it hard to keep in touch with your extended family, and after she married her husband and became a military wife, it was their found family that was there for her—it was her found family who helped her move her house, who sat with her when her husband was injured in Iraq, etc, so she thinks it's very important to show that your family is also the people you choose and that can be just as strong as any blood tie.

• She was asked (by Lynette) why she wanted to show death and the reality of war and she said, "I've been surrounded by it. My husband's been at war since 2003, he spent 22 years in the army, first as a 19 Delta cavalry scout and then ten years as an apache pilot and we buried our friends. And I saw what it did to him, and I saw what it did to our friends, I saw what it did to our children, to us, and I love being able to examine it from a fantasy perspective just because I think fantasy gives us a unique environment from which to critique our own world by viewing it through the lens of another. And I've always delved into those themes as to why we do this to each other and where is there hope to stop it?"

• As an author her favourite scenes in Fourth Wing were the dagger stealing scene (very important to their chemistry and romantic development—"she's the only person he's taught ever, how to actually kill him") and the first kiss scene.

In Iron Flame it was the interrogation scene and how that ends with Dain and Xaden and everything coming together.

When asked about a similar scene from Onyx Storm that elicited the same strong emotion from her she said "you're not gonna like it" and that's it 💀

• She would consider writing fantasy again after she's done with the Empyrean world, maybe one of her other pitches, but she won't truly think about it until she's survived this one.

• She spoke about the "kill your darlings" writing advice and how if you love a scene but it doesn't move the plot, you've gotta cut it, and how she did that with the final scene in Fourth Wing, which was originally 7k words of Violet POV pulling information out of Xaden.

• When asked about fan theories she actually said something I found a little sad. "I don't listen to fan theories. One, I'm not on TikTok—it's a little bit more important for me to be alive than to listen to what other people think they know about me, and two, I don't ever want fan theories to bleed into my writing."

〰️ And that's it! If anyone's going tomorrow, please voice record the whole thing and report back lmao 🙏 🫶🏼

ETA: part two is here, x

[fanaticsnail]

Every day I wake up and think "Why is there no Childhood Friends Doflamingo x Reader fics?" and every day one of my Discord friends tell me "because Kid Doffy would literally treat Kid Reader like someone beneath him cus everything is still fresh for him" but I bring you counterarguments for the Childhood Friends Doflamingo x Reader story:

1. He meets Reader after his house gets burned down. Reader is Rosinante's age, so eight years old. It's when DQ brothers are being beaten by the thugs; kid Reader gets a bat and protects him and Rosinante from the thugs who were beating on them over bread

2. she brings them food from the restaurant her parents own - home cooked - and meets Homing & Mrs Donquixote, who encourage Doffy & Rosi to befriend her but Doffy remains careful

3. Doffy has confused feelings about Reader but she's only ever treated his injuries (the first human not to hurt him) so he decides Reader is "his human to protect" not "human to enslave" yep he has groups in his mind, little crazy baby flamingo boy

4. Reader teaches Doffy & Rosinante to climb trees. Doffy comments that's what monkeys do, but Reader teases him that whether it is what monkeys do, he still can't reach her if he doesn't climb. Doffy accepts the challenge. He doesn't take long to get the hang of it. Right when he is nearly at the top, he nearly falls but Reader grabs his hand and pulls him onto the branch. I think this is where Doffy starts having a little crush on Reader. He doesn't realise that's what it is.

5. I don't know Ace, Sabo, Luffy I know Doffy, Rosi & Reader. Sure they would not be as wild as ASL since the thugs in North Blue are probably much more deadlier than in East Blue, but they'd be good thieves.

6. Reader is so gentle with Rosi and Doffy gets jealous and says his brother is a crybaby and Reader shouldn't help him, he needs to learn on his own. Reader just blows Doffy a raspberry which makes Rosinante giggle - the first time Rosinante has laughed since their house burned down

I just think if we just put in some thought, it can be plausible for Kid Doffy to have Kid Reader as a friend in his childhood days. He'd feel challenged by a "human", someone younger than him, and want to prove his heavenly status, why he's better. Reader just nods along with it and is kind to them both. They don't do any sort of competitions, they just co-exist.

Kid Doffy is like a street cat. He bites and scratches, and tries to claw your face off, but it's cause he's been through terrible shit and he doesn't trust strangers. He needs patience and kindness.

The fic would require just some patience and kindness I think, for the childhood part of their story, so Doflamingo by the end of it considers Reader precious to him to the point he thinks he is the best person to protect her. That it's his duty. He'd probably call himself her heavenly guardian or sth in his mind when he reaches that point.

Of course, that then can turn into him becoming very possessive of Reader as they grow up (Doffy even when becoming the young 10-11 year old leader seems to stick to one headquarters in that timeframe) and his crush from childhood evolving through time from protectiveness into a wish for a romantic relationship.

Anyway, kid Doffy & kid Rosinante deserve to have a friend during that terrible time, and they both latch onto that little amount of kindness, they appreciate it a lot. Doflamingo only realises it later down the line how much it meant for him Reader supported him.

They show appreciation for that differently later. Doffy comes into the restaurant Reader inherited from her parents all the time and makes sure everyone in the North Blue knows that's his territory, and the place where his crew gathers to celebrate things. He always sends Reader gifts such as jewelry, and kisses her on both cheeks whenever he sees her, using the excuse of it being a custom in Dressrosa to his advantage. Rosinante shows his love with hugs. When he sees Reader when he's Corazon he just hugs her. He doesn't give a shit.

Also, Reader & Kid Law & Baby 5... Reader would feed them all the food and pamper them.

Doffy can't go without Reader's home cooked meals. Food is very important to him, I think, after experiencing starvation. He probably invites her to join the crew as their chef cook when they head for the Grand Line. If not...

Well, kidnapping you is always an option 🤣

(he would lie about what happened to Rosinante. either that or get completely drunk and cry in your lap, confessing everything. You know what, I like the latter. Let the big man cry. I love pathetic drunk Doffy.)

- Yandere Doffy Anon

Okay okay okay okay okay. This was gorgeous. I am in love, and all of the relationships with all of the kids, and the coddling of Rosi. Yes. Please. I love their relationship, the silent confusion in the "what is this feeling" -> it's addictive, and I love it. "My human to protect" WHERE DO I SIGN UP????

Here is my interpretation of what childhood friendship would look like with Doflamingo.

What about a young son of a celestial dragon having regular interactions with a contractually bound daughter of another celestial dragon? And then he's taken away from you by his father? Doflamingo x f!reader image.

Your parents schedule regular playdates with one another so your faces do not grow lost on you both over time. From toddlerhood, to childhood, your friendship grew with your betrothed spouse as you both read with one another, and made puzzles and sculptures together. He pulled your hair, you brushed off his glasses, he bit you on the hand, and you cried to your maid.

You are a bit stuffy and spoilt, but what child of the pinacle of society isn't? Similar to Doflamingo, it is your birthright to be treated with the utmost respect and worshipful adoration.

But your heart becomes kind.

When becoming lost in a crowd of unfamiliar faces, the kindness of a stranger who knew nothing of your face changes you from a prissy young miss to a girl spun in webs of charity and compassion.

It makes the young Doflamingo disgusted seeing you interact and thank his servants when they fix you and him lunch. Conversing so freely with the chaperone, asking questions about his children, it makes the eight year old sick. He'd rather trick them into being scolded and thrashed.

When Donquixote Homing defects, the ties that strung you together lay severed and desolate. The friendship between you forbidden, but your mind often wanders into what had become of him. You both had this unspoken hatred and the closest friendship with one another any two children could have.

Inseperable.

Until you were separated.

It took four adults to restrain you from running to him in the council chambers. Hearing Doflamingo had returned with Homing's head, you had nearly lost yours with glee at his return. When he was denied a rise in reinstating his former title, you were overwhelmed with a grief beyond your years in capacity.

Over the decades, you wondered what had become of him. Your heart had been broken when your father renounced your coupling. Each time a potential spouse was presented to you, you would shut it down with haste. Although you were only young, you spoke with such indignation regarding your disdain for such an alliance. What if this one was taken from you too? Nothing would ever match up to him.

They would never be Doflamingo, and you refused to be the spouse of anyone who didn't meet his equal. His insanity mirrored a darkness in your heart that you had since clothed in kindness. He was your absolute, the stop at the end of the line. He was yours, and you were his completely.

When Tsuru had invited you to the first gathering of seven warlords of the sea, you had no idea what to expect. No matter what you prepared yourself with, your readiness mattered not for the sight that was to welcome you in. Charity was your character, and your humility is what made you the chosen celestial dragon the world government asked to converse with the most.

Pink feathers, rosy glasses, blonde hair, and a sinister grin you had long since burried, had your chest swell and eyes flood with every emotion. Silence was all you offered in your shock, your face shrouded behind a veiled cloth you often travelled with.

You knew exactly who you were looking at, and he had no idea it was you. The way his presence demanded attention, his sinister playfulness with Sir Crocodile and Tsuru, the way he openly taunted the former Marine Hunter Mihawk: each motion captured your soul and held you hostage.

It was only when Tsuru had asked you to speak did you stifle the warmth in your chest. You knew Doflamingo would likely hold disgust for the Celestial Dragons due to their lack of restoration, and you chose to ignore him - just as he ignored you.

When your attendants removed the veil from your extravagant headpiece, the first sound to travel through the realm was a collective gasp. You were young, a woman, and incredibly beautiful. Nothing any of the seven warlords were expecting was anything amounting to a single scrap of you. And you chose to play coy to the slack-jawed blonde in the corner.

After speaking your well rehearsed speech, Tsuru thanked you with her head bowing low, encouraging the other marines to pay their respects in kind. Sir Crocodile offered you a polite bow alongside Kuma and Jinbe. Mihawk tipped his hat to you, which you nodded in kind.

Immediately rising to his feet, Doflamingo's arms hung limp as his lips lay parted and almost quivering. His hands shook, his shoes feeling like lead in lieu of leather, and he finally stood before you. Your attendants sprung up to your side, your guardians guiding their hands to the hilts of their weapons: only ceasing when you hold up your own hand to stop them.

With that same hand, you hover it in front of Doflamingo's face, guiding it in an intimate expression without ever colliding with his skin. He rises his own, mirroring your motions and causing your eyes to flutter shut. An inaudible movement of your name courses through his lips, no sounds to voice them other than a single breath.

"Time has not been kind to you, mi amor," you whisper, Doflamingo's knees buckling at the tone your voice had grown into. It was the greatest symphony he had ever heard, the voice of his childhood friend blossoming into the bloom of the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.

"Time saved all it's kindness for you, mi querida," he managed string together beneath his petrification.

The room was silent, all watching in awe as the most detestable inhabitant in the council chambers was brought to his knees with a single look from a powerful woman. The familiarity had Tsuru's stomach tighten, wondering if extending an invitation to you was in her best interest. Although, seeing Doflamingo behave with his absolute best manners had her lip twitch up at the corner.

He was yours again. A man who was once everything, became nothing, and built himself up to something again. And he was yours.

And he couldn't be happier to be in your presence once more. Why else would he have fought so hard to rise to the top? For mere power alone?

No. That is far too simple. He is far from simple. It was for the chance to be once again worthy to stand in your presence and kneel at your feet as an equal in potential matrimony. But would you still have him after all the time that had passed between you?

Only you held that answer.

Edit to add, I got distracted by the roast chicken and forgot to add the tag list. I'm sorry everyone.

Tag list: @mfreedomstuff @daydreamer-in-training @since-im-already-here @gingernut1314 @writingmysanity @sordidmusings @i-am-vita @indydonuts @feral-artistry @the-light-of-star @empirenowmp3 @racfoam @sunflowersatori @carrotsunshine @skullfacedlady

[pendarling]

A Discussion

Villain watched mournfully as Hero packed their clothes back into their bags and collected their items along with it too. It wasn't like Villain could keep Hero imprisoned forever in their home, but a piece of them wished they were able to keep Hero convinced to stay one more night.

With their jacket wrapped around their shoulders, Hero lifted the luggage. "I'll be off then." They leaned down to kiss Villain, who had laid on the couch with their arms crossed.

"You could quit your job." They said although they knew it wouldn't work. After all, Hero was a very dedicated citizen and remained loyal to their day job aside from all the hero work. "Or you could quit!" They called out as Hero moved toward the door to put on their shoes; Villain sat up, waiting eagerly for a response—anything to keep Hero in their arms.

"I can't quit my job, how else am I supposed to make a living?" They chuckled briefly and continued tying their shoes.

"No, I meant to stop all the hero stuff. It doesn't necessarily pay you to be good."

"Or..." Hero turned, "You could quit, and we can both work a normal day job."

Villain sighed, reluctant and partially annoyed that, once again, they failed to convince Hero to be anything but what they were now. "What if I..." They trailed off, hesitant at their next idea, "What if I were to kidnap you, then you would have to stay with me."

"And what about my apartment?" Hero's head tilted. "Who will be paying the bills in my absence?"

"Who cares about some shitty apartment, Hero. Everything you need is right here!" They pointed to the kitchen counter. "Look, you won't even bother to pick up the bowl that you brought because you know that next weekend, you'll wanna stay here with me instead."

Hero dismissed it with a shrug, still standing idly by the door, a smirk playing on their lips as they watched Villain's desperate attempts at getting them to stay, "Who says I'll be here next week? If I keep coming and going, someone will become a little suspicious."

Villain threw up their arms, "Let them be suspicious! Let them speculate!"

"My peers will call me a traitor. I need my friends to know they can trust me." Hero bit their lip. They had to admit that having a large group of heroes so tightly familiar with them was turning out to be an obstacle, but they couldn't simply leave either.

"Those hero friends of yours again," Villain leaned back with a loud scoff; they knew if anything, Villain hated them more than the world. Always on Villain's tail, ruining another plan. "Why do you always need their permission to do stuff. It's your life."

"Dear--"

"You could have whatever you want," Their arms stretched out, then pointed to themselves, "I could get it for you."

"I know." Hero stepped closer, "It's just until this is all over."

"When?" They egged. Neither of them knew the timeframe when would come a time when it would be appropriate to be together, but throwing tghe question out there would give them something to think about. One way or another, they'd have to conclude.

The room fell into silence.

Hero rubbed their temple, "Okay, I'll text you later." They reached for the door; Villain jumped up and rushed to the door to wrap their arms around Hero one last time.

"I love you, honey."

"I love you too." They kissed shortly, "Don't stay up too late."

"You know I can't sleep without you next to me."

"Look at the stars, my love. I'll be underneath them too."

~~~

MASTERLIST

TAG LIST: @books-are-everything, @kurai-hono-blog, @iykyunho, @marvellousdaisy, @m3rakii, @crow-with-a-typewriter, @sceirlose, @90scliche, @wondergoddess475, @miaowmelodie, @jeremy-no, @smallville1x10, @artsandstoriesandstuff, @whatwhump, @0eggdealer, @yuki-0710, @silky-worm, @theforeverdyingperson, @rainbow-nesquix, @m4iloblu3, @prophecies-bestowed-upon-ye,

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[ciozio]

Hello welcome to my horrible new AU.

ISAT Happiness AU !!

The AU where everyone is happy..

Yippee !!!

Nothings wrong.

Summary of the AU !!

Still needa add and develop more, but heres the basics ✨️

The King is looping people in a small period of time. When someone is stuck, they're reliving a moment over n over.

It's so they're at their happiest forever. Vaugarde in its perfection.

They're basically broken records / movie clips.

The party has seen people in conversations rehearsing the same lines again and again.. and such.

Sadnesses don't exist in this au. They're happinesses now !

The Happinesses of this au are the fake joys of the people stuck in these miniature loops.

The freezing tears are replaced with musical notes. They're magical and seeable. When you get close, there's a specific tune unique to each one.

Touching one will loop you in that moment.

You're stuck in the same thought and action. Doing it over n over again.

For Siffrin, he does it until the universe (his looping) takes him back due to him not progressing by being looped in such a small timeframe.

The Happinesses sing instead of cry.

The King though cries and sings. I can't not make him cry lmfao. He's still King.

I say they're more joyful tears tho, cuz he thinks he's winning.

(Some Main Game Spoilers down here!!)

Siffrin declines into insanity bc they start seeing King's pov. Doing good things right.. the smiles on his party's family member's audience's faces..

The main wish is the same. He wants to stay with them!!

But it morphed into "they'll only stay with me if they're happy."

<3

[shakingparadigm]

I always kind of wondered why Hyuna went out of her way to save Mizi in round five out of like anyone else. I originally thought it was just because she was up against Luka but that didn't really make sense because of round 4. You saying that she did it because she personally say herself in Mizi makes everything much more clear!! I was to busy look at the rescue from a more political standpoint against the aliens (which it still is) that from a more emotional one

I felt that too, honestly. When I first saw Mizi's rescue in ROUND 5 I found it confusing that Mizi was singled out as someone worthy of saving. Could Sua have been saved by the rebellion too? Why her and not anyone else? It's not just because she was up against Luka, the green-haired Durian girl went against him in ROUND 4 and there had been no effort to save her. It can't be just be her violent outburst, either, because Till acted out in ROUND 2 (and many instances before that) yet the rebellion remained unmoving.

So out of all people, why was Mizi saved? Since ROUND 5, I've settled on my own interpretation of things.

(The first one is more of my own speculation, while the second is more in line with canon, backed by Hyuna's info from Patreon)

1.) Why doesn't the Human Resistance Force save any other human from ALIEN STAGE? How do they increase their numbers in the first place?

I don't think it's common at all for the Human Resistance to interfere while ALIEN STAGE is ongoing. They must be well aware that it's one of the most dangerous moves they could ever pull. They can't afford to save every single contestant, and even if they could I still don't think they would've. Many human pets are raised to revere death as some kind of honor. Some of them are just happy enough to die, unfortunately. It's risky to try and convince someone who's loyal to the system to come to your side, as they might resist or rat out the whole rebel operation when pushed. You never know which humans actually want to be saved and which ones wish to live and die in the system.

Written on the walls beside Hyuna's wanted poster are messages by the rebels themselves. (Roughly translated) the one on the left reads:

Recruitment of Human Rebellion

Qualification: All human beings who hate segyein

Provides accomodation / residence / basic food, clothing, shelter

If we continue to live like this, we will die

We are better than your master

The Rebellion relies on humans to come to them, encouraging others to make the conscious decision to save themselves and switch sides. The rebellion can't save just anyone, a human has to prove that they don't want to be a part of the system, they need to show signs.

It makes sense that they didn't save Sua. In front of the cameras, she played her part of "the perfect pet" too well. She showed no signs of resistance and even smiled as she was shot dead.

Though still rebellious, Till had purpose in ROUND 2. Even if they came to save him, he wouldn't budge if it meant leaving Mizi behind. Plus, Till's performances usually call for an increased amount of security and guards to pin him down in case he loses control like they expect him to. Increased risk for a rescue mission that might amount to nothing.

Ivan in ROUND 3 played his part just as perfectly as Sua (it was only during ROUND 6 where Hyuna, most likely spurred on by Mizi's attachment to them and the successful rescue in ROUND 5, decided to push forward with saving both Ivan and Till).

After ROUND 1, Mizi lost everything. She lost her joy, her willingness to participate any further in the competition. Anyone watching ALIEN STAGE can tell just how despaired Mizi is, how she no longer wants to go on because of Sua's death. Furthermore, ROUND 5 was delayed because Mizi refused to participate. Maybe it was within this period of delay that the Rebellion began their plan of action.

Mizi openly showed her despair and refusal to participate in the competition any further, she provided the rebellion with a timeframe to execute the rescue mission, and her violent outburst at the end of ROUND 5 not only further proved her anger and disgust, but also nearly killed her. She needed to be saved at that point.

That's the best way I can try to explain the Resistance's decision for Mizi's rescue from a logical standpoint, but as we know, the true reason for Mizi's rescue is far more personally motivated.

2.) What does Hyuna see in Mizi that reminds her of herself? What drove Hyuna to save her?

Hyuna may have an older, tougher edge, but overall she and Mizi are the most genuinely extroverted and outgoing of the cast (or they were, at least). As children, they both shared a bright and sunny personality that positively affected all the people around them. Even their long hair and the way they styled themselves as children is strikingly similar.

Before Hyunwoo's death and whatever went down in the 49th season of ALIEN STAGE, Hyuna was most likely just as excited to compete as Mizi was. Although their motivations differed, they both shared a love for performing. Cheerful, optimistic, and painfully naive.

Hyuna seemed much more innocent and "pure" back then as well, taking a lonely Luka under her wing and caring for him together with Hyunwoo just as she treated every other child in the Anakt Garden as her little sibling. Hyuna seems to retain this sisterly instinct, shown by taking in more humans into the Human Resistance and looking after them, providing shelter and other basic needs for those who wish for a safe refuge. However, she's much more cautious with who she allows to come close. Hyuna in present is incredibly jaded behind her cheery facade, and has lost all her naiveté. She adopted her righteousness from Hyunwoo, who seemed to hold strong positive beliefs from the beginning while she herself held a more realistic and somewhat pessimistic outlook. Hyuna believes that all humans are inherently selfish, and even the most altruistic of people possess this selfishness in their nature.

Plagued by all the past events and the trauma that heavily affected her way of living, Hyuna allows herself to fall into vices such as smoking and drinking, which she indulges in so often that it's stated as her "likes" on her official profile. These not only serve as a coping mechanism for her past hurt, but also as a way to further distance herself from segyein culture, which prefers their pets to remain prim and proper. Although years have passed, it's apparent that Hyuna still hasn't moved on from the death of her brother. While her intentions for an uprising are for the benefit of all human pets, seemingly altruistic, Hyuna herself states that people are selfish, and she is no exception.

It seems that Hyuna is in pursuit of vengeance or justice. Her motivation for rebelling is fueled not only by her wish for freedom, but also by the urge to make up for Hyunwoo's death. She wants to be freed from the shackles of past, and it is through Mizi that Hyuna hopes to accomplish this.

Mizi, much like Hyuna, has experienced the devastating loss of someone who has been with her for almost her whole life. Someone who meant the world to her is now splayed out on the ground, blood spilling out of their lifeless body. The horror in that wide-eyed stare, paralyzed in shock... It's all too familiar.

To add fuel to the flame, the person who further perpetuates Mizi's misery is Luka, tormenting her with memories of Sua and stepping uncomfortably into her space, leading her like a puppet. It's established that whatever connection Hyuna had with Luka is now cut. She no longer holds a fond protectiveness over him, now viewing him as a threat that must be eliminated or brought to justice, hence the dagger held over his head. Whether or not she can find it within herself to actually bring the dagger down... we'll have to wait and see.

Hyuna sees much of herself in Mizi, and she hoped to console her own pain by saving and helping her, almost as if she were helping another version of herself.

Near the end of All-In, it's Hyuna's turn to become paralyzed at the sight of someone that might as well have been dead to her. Re-entering ALIEN STAGE grounds inevitably presents one with Luka's image, and when Hyuna recalls her memories with him, she freezes up. She and Mizi have now switched places, with Hyuna as the one in need of saving and Mizi as the only one up to the task. When Mizi fired the gun and saved her, Hyuna felt more "healed" than before. She felt a sense of satisfaction and peace due to Mizi's growth and slow but steady recovery.

Hyuna's rescue of Mizi ended up serving the both of them. Mizi learned to stand on her own two feet again and gained strength, while Hyuna was able to put herself at ease.

At present, Hyuna is the person Mizi confides most in. Mizi finds herself similar to Hyuna in many ways, especially after hearing about her past.

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

I don't know if it's just me, but do some of the events seem... I don't know... Lacking? It might just be me having high standards, but more than once it seems like there was a build up for something that didn't meet the hype, or the event simply didn't go the way I thought it should. Do you mind sharing your thoughts on this? Of course, you don't have to if you don't want to.

I don’t know how hot of a take this is, but I think most TWST events are mediocre. I'm looking for a certain type of story (ones with clear set up and pay off + actual stakes), and more often than not TWST decides to focus its events on the total opposite (being silly). I love the events where we get to visit, explore, and experience other countries, but I also fully acknowledge how dull they can be because those events are mostly eating local foods and shopping for souvenirs. Nothing wrong with stories like that, it's all just a matter of person taste. The unseriousness of events helps to balance out the meatiness of the main story, and it's nice to have that contrast.

That being said, the quality of the events is still all over the place and I think that's a natural consequence of the frequency of them. We get a new story event like every 1-2 months whereas we get a single chunk of the main story maybe once in that timeframe (or sometimes in an even longer timeframe; I still remember going more than half a year without a book 5 update). The devs may not be able to keep up the pace while also providing top tier content every single time. That's no fault of their own, it's just how the gacha model works. You need to keep pumping out new content to retain the player base and make money. We should have higher standards for the media we consume, so it's fine to critique the events and say, "it's not as good as it could have been", "this felt rushed and/or incomplete", "there was definitely a missed opportunity here", etc. What's NOT okay to do is to insult the people who worked hard on bringing the events to us. So long as you keep that mind, you're fine to express your thoughts. I'm afraid I can't really go into further detail since your initial ask was vague and did not cite any particular events you take issue with. As for myself, I know I've certainly had my fair share of complaining about how... meh... some events are. To this day, I still salt about the weird pacing and plot holes of Stage in Playful Land, the lack of satisfying payoff in Tamashina Mina, and the lack of accountability in Endless Halloween Night. I'm sure there are other events I haven't liked very much, but those are the main offenders for me.

[kaibutsushidousha]

The Hundred Line - Famitsu interview June 19th 2024

What does the title Hundred Line mean?

Kodaka: The simplest way to describe this game is: student have to live together in a school while fighting to survive 100 days. This "100 days" timeframe became a major keyword, so we decided to express it through the title The Hundred Line - Last Defense Academy.

The game has been described as "a tale of extreme x despair produced by the creators of Danganronpa". This "extreme x despair" keyword reminds me of the Concept Art 1 presented September 2018 at the announcement of Too Kyo Games. Caption: Extreme x Despair. A game co-written by Kodaka and Uchikoshi!

Kodaka: As you can imagine, this is the game from Concept Art 1. We finally managed to announce, but at first, The Hundred Line was developed as Too Kyo's first original IP. However, our company isn't capable of self-publishing, so now we're working with Aniplex, on a half-half split on production costs.

When did development start?

Kodaka: Since we founded Too Kyo Games (2017), so that has been 6 or 7 years. At first, Uchikoshi and I partnered with another major publisher to release our game, but unfortunately, the project was canceled...

In a previous interview, you mentioned a title not coming out as planned, but I didn't think you mean an actual cancellation...

Kodaka: I have so much I could talk about on this one, but I don't think the first talk about this game should be about what went wrong, so how about we save it for another day? Haha. Although The Hundred Line's project was canceled for a while, now, after finding what we needed to make it a good game, we rebranded it and restarted our whole internal development cycle.

We were initially fine with it being indie-sized, but as the story and character designs were getting polished, and the concept gained a more solid form, we started thinking we couldn't make our ideal game unless we went bigger. Determined to put our hand to the test... we took a loan.

A loan!?

Kodaka: It wasn't guaranteed that we'd have the working capital to maintain our enlarged development scope even if we sold all of our stocks. We advanced the production with the phantom of debt on our necks while we searched for a new publisher, and that's where I met Aniplex and smoothly sold our pitch.

However, since this game has simulation RPG sections, they said that'd need a third-party developer. For that, they introduced us to the accomplished Media Vision and had them join the dev team. We're also cooperating with Jet Studio, who worked with us before in Danganronpa and Rain Code.

After all that it took to get this game to a presentable state, we of Too Kyo Games consider it a proud symbol of our persistence, or better yet, the culmination and conclusion to the current stage of our careers.

Staking your life on your work has never been so literal...

Kodaka: True, if this game flops, we won't be able to pay our debt. In that sense, this also provides a rare opportunity to the playerbase too. They get to witness how much a single title's sales can influence the future of a creator and company.

That's not the kind of suspense I want as a game fan, haha. Still, with six years of development, is it safe to assume you've been through a fair share of hardships?

Kodaka: I did. That was my first time dealing with a full cancellation. Also, to enable to Too Kyo to continue its work, to partner up with a new publisher, etc, we couldn't continue the development in the direction we were before. We needed to restart on our semi-complete project, and that's already painful labor in itself.

In terms of creative workload, I can't say I was much busier than I was in the Danganronpa V3 days, having to work in the game and the anime at the same time, but in this situation, aside from my directing, writing, and screen composition duties, I'm also Too Kyo Games's president and producer, meaning I have more work outside my craftsmanship... Making the game and managing the funds at the same time would have given most people a mental breakdown (laughs).

It was mentally and financially taxing, but I don't think I'll ever get another opportunity to pour this level of effort into making a game happen. Putting my life on the line was a very valuable experience.

You mean to say you can feel Too Kyo Games's entire soul in the game? On another note, I couldn't find any of the characters from the concept art in the new key visual or the screenshots. Does the restart mean that those characters got shelved?

Kodaka: The game's general concept is still the same, but to put a new, clean start on it, we changed a few things completely. One of them being the character designs. But despite their changed appearances, they maintain the characterization of their predecessors, so you'll see characters similar to what those would have been.

However, the old politician you see in the upper left corner won't be in the game (laughs). He's a character Komatsuzaki made up on the spot for this illustration, so I know as much about who he is as you do. He's doomed to disappear shrouded in mystery.

(laughs) By the way, considering how The Hundred Line is "the tale of extreme x despair", I'm curious about how this keyword "despair" relates to Danganronpa.

Kodaka: The tagline "tale of extreme x despair" is to signify that this is the first game Uchikoshi and I are directing together. It has nothing to do with Danganronpa, but it is a game made leveraging all of my previous experiences. With that plus Komatsuzaki's and Takada's involvement, I consider it a spiritual successor to Danganronpa.

Who from the main Too Kyo Games roster is working in this and what are their roles?

Kodaka: Uchikoshi and I are splitting the directing and writing work, Komatsuzaki is on the character design, Shimadrill is doing the enemy design and the backgrounds, and Takada is in charge of the soundtrack. Also, Uchikoshi and I do screen composition for the scenes we write.

I didn't think I'd have to do the screen composition job here myself, but I'm the best at handling Komatsuzaki's art and Takada's music, so that job is dumped on me. I got a lot of material to work with. Maybe more expression options than Yuma had in Rain Code.

The Danganronpa series also had me personally choosing faces and soundtrack one by one, so I hope the fans of that series enjoy the familiar vibes in the visual novel sections.

The new announcement came with a key visual. Are these characters in uniforms going to be the main cast?

Kodaka: Yes. They're the students of Last Defense Academy and are living in the school for unknown reasons. The students have special powers called Hemoanimas. They normally have their own sets of clothes, but upon activating their Hemoanima, they change into this uniform and fight against their enemies.

Is the white character a mascot?

Kodaka: Yes. He's the squad coordinator character. So his name is just SIREI, from shireikan; commander. By the way, SIREI is the reincarnation of the raccoon illustrated in the key visual. Both forms of this character were designed by Komatsuzaki. I pointed him in a general direction I wanted but overall let him do whatever he wanted. Meanwhile, the students followed the usual process going through a lot of back-and-forth until their completion.

In Danganronpa, their designs reflected their Super High School Level talents. Does The Hundred Line have any kind of keyword or characterization element that informed their designs in the same way the Super High School Level talents did?

Kodaka: Each student masters a different Unique Subject and has a different weapon of choice. That's what their designs mainly reflect. I'll talk more about Unique Subjects and weapons of choice later.

I'm looking forward to the update. Next question. Danganronpa and Rain Code had all-star casts of voice actors. I have expectations for The Hundred Line's cast.

Kodaka: Unfortunately, I can't reveal the actors at the moment, but I will say half of them have performed in previous Kodaka or Uchikoshi game and the other half is people we're both meeting for the first time. But look forward to it, it's going to be as all-star as any previous game. I know the released PV is voiced by the protagonist, but who is voicing him is still confidential.

Will the creatures depicted flying above the main characters be enemies?

Kodaka: Correct. The enemies are unknown entities attacking the school. They're called School Invaders. If you take a really close look at the key visual, you may notice the academy is protected by a pink flame. That's called the Unextinguishable Flame and that's what prevents the School Invaders from attacking 24/7.

When the School Invaders get past the Unextinguishable Flame, the students will need to repel them. The students aren't informed about the academy's or the unextinguishable flame's secrets, nor they know why the School Invaders are attacking. The story progresses as they fight School Invaders day by day unaware of their circumstances.

Do you have anything noteworthy to say about your interactions with Shimadrill regarding his work designing the enemies?

Kodaka: My priority for the character design of the weaker School Invaders was that they had venomous pop aesthetics. At my first discussion with Shimadrill, we arrived at the idea of making their designs intentionally similar to the monsters of a famous game franchise, but we changed plans along the way. Ultimately, we got likable enemies with that pop aesthetic.

Playing aggressively even on the designs, huh? That's the Too Kyo Games I know.

Kodaka: We changed our aim because copying designs was a really bad idea we took too far. Our mindset at the time is that, true to Too Kyo's name, we wanted to make a game that was indeed too crazy. Too Kyo Games is a company that prides itself on its writing, designs, and music.

However, compliance is a lot more important nowadays, so there's a lot more we need to keep in mind. We were defanged by the corporate structure of our partner for the cancelled version of the game. Depictions of violence and dirty jokes that were acceptable in our previous works weren't fine with them. We had to be on our best behavior to adhere to their compliance demands.

Now that I got to remake the game as something else, I can see that not releasing it on its previous state was for the best. Because I couldn't express my strengths in full there.

The Hundred Line was my first collaborative work with Uchikoshi and our first original IP. Making a game that's simply good wouldn't be enough. There'd be no point in starting this over if we couldn't go all-out. We developed The Hundred Line determined to make a game someone with good sense couldn't make. A title to be considered a product of deranged minds. In the sense, we were very lucky to land on a partnership with Aniplex.

Tell me more about what do you mean by "lucky" here.

Kodaka: To leverage the strengths of Too Kyo Games, we're writing a very controversial narrative. Aniplex is being thankfully quite flexible with what we're allowed to depict, as they understand our fortes and respect our vision. For that reason, Uchikoshi and I were able to depict the crazy story we wanted to.

Kodaka, in a previous interview, you expressed determination toward making this game a story that make people question your sanity. A game people wouldn't expect to be possible to make. Would you say managed to fulfill this ambition?

Kodaka: I can't comment about the gimmick without getting into spoilers, so I have no plans to reveal the answer to this before the game's release. Playing the game for yourself should be enough to convey Too Kyo Games's outlandishness. I believe my reason to pair up with Uchikoshi will be equally evident, and it'll be easy to make sense of why this game needed multiple writers and recruiting new hires.

I know perfectly well this is a tasteless request, but can you drop a hint?

Kodaka: Fine, I'll tell you some details after the interview. You're allowed to address what I'll say in your opinion post (laughs).

I appreciate the gesture, but let's see if I'm up for the challenge (laughs)

Tell us what the general gameplay loop is like.

Kodaka: The Hundred Line follows a cycle of 3 parts: a visual novel section, an exploration section, and a simulation RPG section. I already explained at the opener that it's a game where you survive 100 days of combat, but that doesn't mean time will pass uneventfully.

Like in Danganronpa, something will happen each day, and you'll get chances to talk with your schoolmates and deepen your relationships. You'll get Free Time, you'll get training sessions to increase your stats, and you'll be able to get other power ups by sharpening your weapons. The goal in the visual novel and exploration sections is to enjoy life with your schoolmates while also preparing for the enemies that can appear at any moment.

Got it. Now explain the simulation RPG section too, please.

Kodaka: The simulation RPG section has tower defense elements. It's not just about defeating the enemies, you also have to fight defending the school. Also, since the School Invaders come in large flocks, the main gimmick here is that you need to fight on multiple grids of the board at the same time instead of taking it one grid at a time.

Our developer, Media Vision, has a lot of experience in simulation RPGs. We'll disclose more details about the gameplay later, but I'm glad they were able to come up with and implement hype combat ideas (such as unique traits and ultimate moves for each character) in a way that can satisfy the fans of the genre.

You mean to say the simulation RPG sections are going to be solid?

Kodaka: Correct. That said, a lot of people who buy my games are casual gamers, so I always put emphasis on ease of play.

Then first-time simulation RPG players will have nothing to worry about.

Kodaka: Another point of interest is Takada's soundtrack. I requested the battle BGM to have the intensity of an action game. It's inspired by technical rock bands from the 90s, mainly The Chemical Brothers and Boom Boom Satellites. The visual novel sections, on the other hand, have a more sci-fi-adjacent OST to match its strong sci-fi aesthetics.

Tell us a release date and the consoles.

Kodaka: Early 2025, Switch and Steam.

Less than a year before release. Do you think the team can make it?

Kodaka: We're still working on it, but I think we won't have to delay the release. To be honest, The Hundred Line is progressing faster than Rain Code was (laughs). Besides, Too Kyo Games can't afford to delay a game our creators are staking their lives on.

Messages to players and readers usually often saying things like "We're doing our best" or "Cheer for us", but for this title, I can't bring myself to be so casual about it. I feel like I'm issuing a challenge to the players here.

I have a marketing strategy to draw attention to the game, and I'm polishing it to make anyone who buys it say it's a good game, so I'm feeling more of a "Just watch me!" or a "Wait until you see this thing released!" for a closing message.

Giant Kuroda's editorial comment

As outlandish as promised.

That's the interviewer's honest impression on what Kodaka told me about The Hundred Line's gimmick. I [Giant Kuroda] have been the Famitsu interviewer in charge of Danganronpa since Danganronpa 2. I interviewed him pre-release for a game launched in 2012, which means I've been talking to Kodaka for at least 12 years.

Kodaka and his art surprised me many times. In a good way.

Danganronpa 2's final boss. Danganronpa V3's first case culprit, finale, and the secret hidden in the title. Danganronpa 3 simultaneous broadcast of Side:Future and Side:Despair. Rain Code's first case...

The list could go on forever, but The Hundred Line's gimmick is more impactful than of those. I can't deliver a final judgement until I play the game for myself, but depending on what the game has to offer, it could be his uncontested best. That's how much potential I felt in that spoiler. I get the point of staking their lives on it now.

Also, in what's rare for a Kodaka title, the game will be allowed to be streamed relatively far into the story despite earlier spoilers (information subject to change). Kodaka's story-heavy games are a double-edged sword. It's possible for players to feel like they experienced enough by simply watching a Let's Play that spoils all the twists. However, I believe this game actually benefits from unrestricted streaming. But I can't say why. It's a spoiler...

At any rate, this game is Kodaka's and Uchikoshi's first collaborative story, and as Kodaka said, its narrative is a product of deranged minds. I wait with bated breath to the day I can finally play it, and also look forward to reading opinion posts about it online. You can get your hopes up, Kodaka and Uchikoshi fans.

[lemotmo]

Yeah what is time in 911 land 🤣. I think the Buck/Eddie/ Tommy (especially Lou) stuff is probably fairly accurate though. I can see that being the original plan. It certainly feels like that's where things were originally headed.

Q. I am so confused about the timeline. In episode 6 it supposedly had been 6 months but in episode 8 it's only been 3 months. WTF? I'm so confused. I'm very confused after episodes 7 and 8 in general. They were just weird episodes.

A. Right off the bat I will say that I believe episodes 7 and 8 were rewrites. I don't believe those episodes were the original outline or drafts of those scripts. Mostly because episode 7 makes absolutely no sense following episode 6. They are not complimentary episodes in any way. The timeline in general on this show is absurdly bad so we just can't pay too much attention to the ridiculousness of it all. But I do think a couple of things happened that led to the downright nonsensical timeframe so far this season. One reason for it was the audience's response to Brad and Hotshots. Tim wanted to play with that more once it became well received. The decision to extend the opening disaster from two episodes to three episodes allowed him to do that. But it came at the expense of the other storylines. The Buck and Eddie storyline was extended in part because of Tim but other factors beyond their control also contributed to it being bumped into 8b. Tim expanded the Tommy arc following the tremendous response to bi Buck. That was his mistake. Then the show got renewed immediately into the new season. The quick renewal and Tommy extension meant the Buddie storyline, which was clearly the plan going into season 7, got bounced to season 8. The original purpose of Tommy was for him to lead Buck to his Eddie feelings. That was still the plan as they were writing season 8. I think the jealousy route was clearly the direction they were going to go based on how present they physically made Eddie in their relationship. Tim even basically said that in his early interviews for the season. But a couple of things happened that forced some changes. One thing was that Gavin moved. Initially that would have worked in their favor because it gave them the ability to put Eddie in the middle of the Buck/Tommy relationship and not have it come at the expense of his onscreen relationship with Christopher. But they had to write Gavin's absence into the show and the way they chose to do that was stupid. So they had to spend time in the early part of this season trying to build up to correcting that mistake while still involving Eddie in the Buck/Tommy relationship.

The other thing that happened was I think Lou really did get fired. The temper tantrum throwing he's doing in his interviews reinforces that belief. Actors have contracts and all contracts come with provisions. There are rules the actor has to follow in order to keep their contract with the network. Lou clearly broke his contract stipulations with the cameo nonsense. The problem was they were too far along in the writing process for the early part of the season. So I think the show and network compromised and gave him a restructured contract with a set number of scenes. That scrapped the jealousy route because they would have had to have more Tommy scenes than they wanted in order to build up the jealousy arc. But they needed the onscreen breakup. Tommy's dialogue in the breakup scene was the entire reason he was brought back for season 8. They couldn't have Buck just relay that information via a conversation about them breaking up. They had to establish some kind of longevity within the relationship without actually showing most of it, so they just wrote the relationship length into the script. A 6 month anniversary dinner. But the 6 month timeline doesn't work for Eddie and Christopher's storyline because that would imply that Eddie has allowed it to carry on for far too long. So Tim wrote it both ways. It was 6 months for the Buck part of the storyline but as far as the rest of the show is concerned it's only been 3 months. He doesn't care that it's janky and nonsensical because I don't look for Tommy to be mentioned again. Tim pretty much put that to rest. So he basically reset the timeline following the end of the Tommy arc because the audience is supposed to no longer care about the Tommy of it all. Buck's Eddie/Buddie storyline has begun so he needed to be put on Eddie's timeline now. I think we're just supposed to go with the 3 month timeframe and ignore the Tommy of it all going forward and I'm more than happy and willing to do that.

Thank you Nonny!

I definitely agree with Ali about most of these topics. Nothing more to add really.

Also, It's really late here and I'm exhausted, ready to go to bed, but I really wanted to post this ask first, so here you go! 😋

IMPORTANT! Please don't repost this ask and/or a link that leads straight to my Tumblr account on Twitter or any other social media. Thank you!

Heads up! For anyone who is giving me the shifty eyes for reposting Ali's updates instead of reblogging. Read this.

Remember, no hate in comments, reblogs or inboxes. Let's keep it civil and respectful. Thank you.

If you are interested in more of Ali’s posts, you can find all of her posts so far under the tag: anonymous blog I love.

[tgrailwar-zero]

Ptolemy, you are a servant of much experience. We have had a slight discussion with Pharoah Cleopatra about how we may be of service in the battle to come. Do you have any suggestions on where we and our servants should go in order to best help defend the Solar Cell and its citizens?

PTOLEMY: "Well, if you want to help… I had plans prepared since the Trial, though the reduced timeframe means that they'll have to be enacted now. We'll need to end this war before it begins. For the sake of our territories, the Lair Servants need to retreat to their grounds immediately in order to bolster their zone's defenses. The only ones given permission for free reign are myself and the Slayer, as our 'zones' were given up for the sake of the Grail War."

PTOLEMY: "Guardsman Izou will be running a stealth mission. His goal will be to take out Charlemagne- swift and easy. If he can't take out Charlemagne, then one of his guard. He's to retreat if things get messy."

IZOU: "You want me to dish out some divine punishment? Got it, boss."

PTOLEMY: "Prince Duryodhana will be mounting an offensive to take back the Gossamer Coast. It's less valuable than the Fugue Hamlet in terms of magical leylines, and Quetzalcoatl's temple is still there. We might be able to fully bring it back under Solar Cell control… but we need to have a grip on the territory first."

DURYODHANA: "As if that's a question. Yours Truly is a master of warfare, you know."

PTOLEMY: "And… we have one more gambit that Charlemagne is unaware of. The King of Heroes, Gilgamesh."

ANDERSEN: "...'Gambit', he says, as if this is all part of his little plan. Oh, this will be good. Please, tell them your stupid idea. Loud, for everyone to hear. Should I call the press? I'm sure all of the Solar Cell would love to know their beloved Keeper is a moron."

PTOLEMY: "Andersen… anyways, hear me out. He's not a Moon Servant, but his eyes allow him to see almost every possibility, not akin to the Moon Cell itself. And, as he was apparently summoned back then, he has knowledge of the Void Cell… which he refuses to share."

CLEOPATRA: "Wait, the King of Uruk is here? Why am I just now hearing about this?"

PTOLEMY: "Only Sigurd, Tamamo, Andersen and I knew… or well, we're the only ones still around that know. We figured it'd be for the best, allow him to live uninterrupted."

ANDERSEN: "And do you remember what he told you the last time you asked for his aid? When your little posse had dared to even summon him on the surface of the Solar Cell?"

'KING OF HEROES': "Hm? Join you, you ask? You think yourselves worthy of my power? You wish me to be the lapdog of a fox? You ask of me to sit in your pathetic hideaway, and simply await the awakening of Sun God's Wrath? It'd do you well to swiftly learn your place, mongrels."

'KING OF HEROES': "Insult me with such a foolish request again, and I’ll lay waste to this entire place with a single flick of my wrist. Yet, in the arrogance of that cunning fox, who bars anyone from entering or leaving, I shall remain an observer. It would be beneath me to expend my strength tearing a hole in this place."

'KING OF HEROES': "So… do well to entertain me, o' Sycophants of the Sun."

ANDERSEN: "Something like that?"

PTOLEMY: "That was cycles ago! Listen, if he can even just lend an item from his treasury, it could make all the difference. He's in Sunbeam Row. If we approach, we'll be turned down on sight, maybe worse. But..."

MUSASHI: "...You all might have better luck if you send messengers that aren't part of your little group?"

ANDERSEN: "Exactly. And if you die, well… some may consider it an honor to be drawn and quartered by Mankind's Oldest Hero."

PTOLEMY: "Well… if that's not to your liking, then there's other options. Either you can mount an assault on the Hamlet, and attempt to regain that zone. Due to the leylines, it is valuable, so you'll most likely face heavy resistance if you're caught. You could join Prince Duryodhana… or you could boldly charge the Citadel from the front. That's what I'll be doing. It'd draw attention away from Charlemagne's other zones, after all."

PTOLEMY: "Finally… you could try and convince the Alter-Ego. She's still in containment, but her strength would be valuable to this battle. Still, we'll have to move out while they're still preparing. Guardsman Izou will be heading out tonight, the others in the morning. Once their feet are planted, any attacks against them will have a massive increase in difficulty."

KUKULKAN: "Decisions, decisions... what to do, Masters?"

[izaacs-notdeadyet]

The outsiders zombie apocalypse au say whay?

Chat.. let me say I have been COOKING.

Storyline is loosely based on the last of us, in the sense that Johnny takes the role of Ellie, and Darry of Joel. This is inspired by a post I saw talking about a tlou outsiders au but I couldn't find who made the post to tag them in this ☹️☹️

More info and designs under the cut (tw for guns, violence, and death)

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

Johnny Cade:

Lore: [Johnny was born seven months after the start of the apocalypse. His mother had been pregnant with him and managed to survive up until his birth, when she ended up getting bit by a zombie when she went into labor. She managed to escape back into her and Mr Cade's cabin, where he would find his wife who had turned, and his newly born son.

Johnny's father did NOT like his son. He only took care of him cause he felt some kind of obligation to his late wife and it's really a miracle Johnny didn't die under his watch or because of him. One day, Mr Cade sent Johnny out scavenging for supplies on his own (horrible idea.) Johnny ended up being chased and leading them back. Him and his dad ended up escaping, just barely.

Johnny had been bit in their escape. His dad had seen it first. His dad wanted to shoot him before he turned, but Johnny, terrified with a gun to his head, lashed out and knifed his dad to death. He sat there for awhile, waiting to turn. But Johnny never did end up turning. He grabbed his dad's gun and his stuff, and set off for the road, leaving his dad's corpse cold behind him.

He survived for around a year mostly on his own, occasionally falling in with some travelers but mostly he was on his own. Somewhere in that year timeframe he got jumped by Paul and his gang, getting his scar and losing his gun in the process.]

Extra commentary: i honestly had so much fun with drawing Johnny. As for his character, I think his growth was stunted due to stress and malnutrition. Similar to in the book he also looks younger. It would still bug him, but he's gotten good at playing up his youthfulness to gain the trust of unsuspecting people, and then mugging them.

I think he'd be pretty efficient with his bow, especially since his gun was stolen and he hasn't been able to find another one yet. In a way he likes that the bow gives him more control, but he also misses the confidence that having a gun gave him.

He carries around a mini sewing kit, he's gotten pretty good at fixing holes in his clothes and bag and even repaired the hole in his jeans. He needs to find more scrap fabric though to repair his other pants leg.

He's pretty shy. Just in general but also because he doesn't really trust people. He's paranoid about someone finding out about his immunity and then using it against him. If he can't wear his jacket, (which is rare, but sometimes) he'll wrap gauze or extra fabric around the bite tightly to keep it hidden.

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

Darrel Curtis:

Lore: [Darry doesn't remember much from before the apocalypse, he would've only been four. He does remember a panic and them having to leave town, his mom Carrying his baby brother Soda in her hands. The Curtis parents were very good about keeping their children safe. They ended up going to a sanctuary city. It was rough, but it was more like Jackson than Boston, it was a safe place to raise their kids.

That was, until it wasn't. One day, two years before canon, a horde broke in, and the city was overrun with zombies. Darry managed to find his brothers, along with Steve and Two-bit in the chaos. They stopped by their house, Darry packing a bag and taking his father's shotgun, he was trying to find his parents and also keep his brothers and friends safe at the same time. When he found his parents, it was too late. They were turning, and Darry had to shoot them to save Soda.

Steve ended up hotwiring a car for them, and they fled the city. Darry has been doing his best to take care of them sense, even though the group gets on his last nerves, especially with their insistence to keep adding people to their group and stop by long abandoned tourist traps when they're meant to be looking for the nearest sanctuary city.]

Extra commentary: I LOVED drawing Darry. If I had fun drawing Johnny than I can't begin to explain what drawing Darry did to me. It was my first time drawing him and he just came so easy to me.

For his design I don't have much to say, I think he'd have a habit of biting the tip of his knife (something @deim0sdread came up with that) and it ended up giving him a scar on his lip from the blade.

For his bag though I have a lot more to say, I think he'd be the one that's most prepared, he tries to keep his first aid kit packed with the essentials. I think if he found the group all walkie talkies he'd be set. He's kinda like a mom in the way he runs around making sure everyone's set, that ponyboy didn't leave anything behind and that he's actually paying attention, or that Twobit isn't trying to drink fucking rubbing alcohol. He kinda resents having to do so much for everyone but he loves them and couldn't do any different

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

Mandatory tagging of the moots [ @deim0sdread @urmomatron700 @b3st-sunday-dr3ss @ari-the-silly ]

[kremlin]

could you explain for the "it makes the game go faster" idiots like myself what a GPU actually is? what's up with those multi thousand dollar "workstation" ones?

ya, ya. i will try and keep this one as approachable as possible

starting from raw reality. so, you have probably dealt with a graphics card before, right, stick in it, connects to motherboard, ass end sticks out of case & has display connectors, your vga/hdmi/displayport/whatever. clearly, it is providing pixel information to your monitor. before trying to figure out what's going on there, let's see what that entails. these are not really simple devices, the best way i can think to explain them would start with "why can't this be handled by a normal cpu"

a bog standard 1080p monitor has a resolution of 1920x1080 pixels, each comprised of 3 bytes (for red, blue, & green), which are updated 60 times a second:

~3 gigs a second is sort of a lot. on the higher end, with a 4k monitor updating 144 times a second:

17 gigs a second is definitely a lot. so this would be a good "first clue" there is some specialized hardware handling that throughput unrelated the cpu. the gpu. this would make sense, since your cpu is wholly unfit for dealing with this. if you've ever tried to play some computer game, with fancy 3D graphics, without any kind of video acceleration (e.g. without any kind of gpu [1]) you'd quickly see this, it'd run pretty slowly and bog down the rest of your system, the same way having a constantly-running program that is copying around 3-17GB/s in ram

it's worth remembering that displays operate isochronously -- they need to be fed pixel data at specific, very tight time timings. your monitor does not buffer pixel information, whatever goes down the wire is displayed immediately. not only do you have to transmit pixel data in realtime, you have to also send accompanying control data (e.g. data that bookends the pixel data, that says "oh this is the end of the frame", "this is the begining of the frame, etc", "i'm changing resolutions", etc) within very narrow timing tolerances otherwise the display won't work at all

3-17GB/s may not be a lot in the context of something like a bulk transfer, but it is a lot in an isochronous context, from the perspective of the cpu -- these transfers can't occur opportunistically when a core is idle, they have to occur now, and any core that is assigned to transmit pixel data has stop and drop whatever its doing immediately, switch contexts, and do the transfer. this sort of constant pre-empting would really hamstring the performance of everything else running, like your userspace programs, the kernel, etc.

so for a long list of reasons, there has to be some kind of special hardware doing this job. gpu.

instead of calculating every pixel value manually, the cpu just needs to give a high-level geometric overview of what it wants rendered, and does this with vertices. a vertex is very simple, it's just a point in 3D space, for example (5,2,3). just like a coordinate grid on paper with an extra dimension. with just a few vertices, you can have models like this:

where each dot at the intersection of lines in the above image, would be a vertex. gpus essentially handle huge number of vertices.

in the context of, like, a 3D video game, you have to render these vertex-based models conditionally. you're viewing it at some distance, at some angle, and the model is lit from some light source, and has perhaps some shadows cast across it, etc -- all of this requires a huge amount of vertex math that has to be calculated within the same timeframes as i described before -- and that is what a gpu is doing, taking a vertex-defined 3D environment, and running this large amount of computation in parallel. unlike your cpu which may only have, idk, 4-32 execution cores, your gpu has thousands -- they're nowhere near as featureful as your cpu cores, they can only do very specific simple math with vertices, but there's a ton of them, and they run alongside each other.

so that is what a gpu "does", in as few words as i can write

the things in the post you're referring to (V100/A100/H100 tensor "gpus") are called gpus because they are also periperal hardware that does a specific kind of math, massively, in parallel, they are just designed and fabricated by the same companies that make gpus so they're called gpus (annoyingly). they don't have any video output, and would probably be pretty bad at doing that kind of work. regular gpus excel at calculating vertices, tensor gpus operate on tensors, which are like matrixes, but with arbitrary numbers of dimensions. try not to think about it visually. they also use a weirder float. they're used for things like "artificial intelligence", training LLMs and whatever, but also for real things, like scientific weather/economy/particle models or simulations

they're very expensive because they cost the same, if not more, than what it cost to design & fabricate regular video gpus, but with a trillionth of the customer base. for every ten million rat gamers that will buy a gpu there is going to be one business buying one A100 or whatever.

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