#I want to live in a van SO BAD
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IAN GALLAGHER + his journey with bipolar disorder
╰┈➤ “At times, being bipolar can be an all-consuming challenge, requiring a lot of stamina and even more courage, so if you’re living with this illness and functioning at all, it’s something to be proud of, not ashamed of." - Carrie Fisher
#happy world bipolar day to all my bp babies#(more thoughts at the end of the tags)#shameless#shamelessnet#shamelessedit#ian gallagher#cameron monaghan#*macygifs#bipolar disorder#hello pals how are we doin#i made this gif set in july of 2023 and never posted it because 1) i was terrified to share it and potentially see Bad Takes in the tags#and 2) because my hyperfixation was waning. and while both of those things are still mostly true (the fixation comes and goes)#i feel like it's really important to share as ian's bipolar storyline was not only so vital to his character it was a bit of representation#that isn't often given to the disorder and those (like myself) who live with it every single day#world bipolar day is a day where we can both celebrate ourselves and our resilience and also raise awareness of the reality of the disorder#which is both terrifying and beautiful at its core. this disease is not a death sentence or a sentence to an unfulfilled and miserable life#while there are challenges galore when it comes to balancing life with this disorder it IS possible to live a full and productive life#and i think it's really important to have representation of that in media - and while shameless dropped the ball on a LOT of storylines#over the years THIS is the one they really fucking nailed and i am incredibly grateful#i first started watching shameless while in the midst of a major depressive episode and i was later (finally) diagnosed during an extended#hypo/manic episode - this show and ian's storyline got me through so much and made me feel so seen and validated in my struggles#world bipolar day is also vincent van gogh's birthday (happy birthday buddy) who was posthumously diagnosed with bipolar disorder#and who experienced both depressive and hypo/manic episodes during his lifetime (and was regularly institutionalized)#it takes a lot of help and support to keep us going. it takes the support of our family and friends and *most* of all#it takes patience and kindness and understanding - which is so so so easy to give if you are willing to love and listen#so please. be willing. listen to our stories. be patient with us. show us love without conditions. support us in any way you can.#we are worth it#i promise#anyway. that's really all i wanted to say. happy world bipolar day to those who celebrate (me) and may all of us living with this disorder#go on to live happy fulfilling beautiful magical lives
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Ooooookay coming home was a MISTAKE!! I need to live somewhere else immediately
#welp! time to figure out a new living situation that won't suck!#got a tour at an apartment but not soon enough! i want to be out so bad it hurts#wish i was still living in a van but too hot and now im tied to school#ren won't shut up#one of those nights i wish i was normal!
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saw @mycological-mariner doing this, and i couldn't resist doing one for myself as well!
rules: post 4 pieces of art you like and make a poll so that people can vote for their favourite, then tag 4 friends to do the same.
top-left: office in a small city - edward hopper (1953)
top-right: bedroom in arles, second version - vincent van gogh (1889)
bottom-left: pacific - alex colville (1967)
bottom-right: night calls II - jack vettriano (2010?)
only 4 pieces is way too few, but i tried to pick some faves that go well together. melancholy and isolation seem to be a big hit for me (and blue, apparently!).
as for tags, i'm not sure who'd be up to this, so i'll tag @rainbow-scarf @thedeafprophet @varenychenko @mrveils (feel free to do it or not, and if you see this and want to do this, consider yourself tagged, too!)
#art#tag game#even if i wasnt tagged idc i like art#my fave piece of art ever is nighthawks tho. which is so basic but for a good reason. because it's so GOOD.#and it makes me feel deeply (and i saw it in chicago and it was pretty insane)#but yeah this is def my vibe. couldnt fit jeyendecker or mucha but theyre there too goddamn their lines are good.#the van gogh one is 100% because of manuelita. i know it. i wanted to live there so bad.#i am really drawn to the feeling of isolation in these. even in night calls it doesnt feel to me like real connection. like there such#a distance there too even in that intimate moment. augh.
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playing with circles O●°○•°o.
#trypophobia#i want to draw again so bad#i feel like my brain is too full of gunk and the only way to clean it is by drawing and i just don't have the time#i did this at work when it was slow#i'm in the process of moving right now. it'll be my first time living alone#i'm finally getting my adhd medicated after getting diagnosed in january#my life is so different year to year it honestly is dizzying#at this time last year my current roommate and i were looking for an apartment#at this time two years ago i had been at my second job ever for three months and i didn't have a car#and my mom had to drive with me to and from work because the van had been totaled and we only had the one car for the four of us#at this time three years ago i had just graduated and was a month into my first ever job. didn't even know how to drive#i thought i was so behind in life and that i was gonna be stuck like that eternally#now... god i don't even know. i'm trying to be positive#this is gonna be my solo chapter. my zuko alone episode. my walden pond.#but really i'm just so scared all the time and i have no choice but to keep treading water forever#i feel like all through childhood everything stays the same. nothing prepared me for living through constant change#entering my mid twenties i'm learning that. yeah you can't predict everything you can't prepare for everything#you can't keep anything and you can't change anything#but you can hold it in your hands. you can choose to live it. you can choose to be there#i hope once i get settled at my new place i'll suddenly find time to do everything#i hope the meds help me with that. i just want to draw again. i just want to feel alive again
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u guys remember how I said I wanted to try and get a car this year as one of my resolutions… after months of researching I think I found the one I want. Finally. I am so sick of reading abt and looking at cars 😭
#I want to try and buy one by may but idk how realistic that is#depends on a few things#it’s a car from 2009-10 and can go for 4-7k which is not BAD considering how highly rated it is#it’s just the nearest ones are like 5 hours away lol 💔#I also don’t know if I can save that much up that fast#I haven’t been able to save much money bc I keep having to loan family money 😰#realistically if I want this car it’ll probably be more like. Octoberish when I’m able to save up enough#I also have to consider insurance which is a big pain#my vans insurance was cheap bc it was as old as I am lmao!! cannot imagine this one will be that cheap but idk my credit is also better now#but considering the car is from 2009 or 10 depending on the one I go with I can’t imagine it being over 100/mo surely. like. that would#be bonkers#I wanted a small truck but they’re hard to find and I wanted an rv deep in my heart too. but they r so expensive 🤧#one day one day one day 🙏😔#actually the specific truck I did have my eye on is fucking ILLEGAL WHERE I LIVE SO. HUGE bummer#it’s supposedly not safe but I think big gas is probably just pressed bc it’s cute and tiny and is not a gas guzzler. tbqh.#anyway I’m putting it into the universe rn: by the end of the year she (cute tiny car) will be mine#sanchoyorambles
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:)
#oh my god sometimes life IS actually worth living i am ON FIRE i have slept maybe 4 hours in the last 48 but oh my god#i hated my life so much last week BUT IT WAS SO WORTH IT TO SURVIVE because. like. is there a more wholesome band than simple plan#i was like nooo i will save money and not buy merch BUT i saw the shirt with the scooby doo van and. i lost control#and then i bought meet and greet. it was pure instinct#and i honestly couldn't be more happy i am close to tears actually#i mean i already feel my throat start to get sick but that's another story#but i was literally starting to have REALLY Bad Thoughts TM last week and now????????#i am alive girl AND I WANT TO GO SEE THEM AGAIN 😭😭😭😭#personal
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anyway. crawling up all four walls of my enclosure because jake eyeliner and jake hands and jake solo 😁😁
#just he#his existence makes me want to implode#i need him so bad you don’t understand#i am down horrendously#jake kiszka#gvf#greta van fleet#the indigo streak live#el speaks
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Judge me by my shelf of inspiration.
#from top left: jane austen complete works#kafka complete works; twelfth night shakespeare; 1-3 scott pilgrim by bryan lee omalley#a few volumes of monthly girls nozaki kun by izumi tsubaki; the last unicorn novel by peter s beagle#vol 11 of chainsawman by tatsuki fujimoto; collection of vincent van gogh; miyazaki's spirited away artbook#volumes 9 : 12 : 23 : and 25 of fullmetal alchemist by hiromu arakawa; collection of far side comics by gary larson#comic version of ray bradburys fahrenheit 451 (tim hamilton); dvd copies of evil dead 1&2; 1st 3 scream movies; heathers; behind the mask#2001 a space odyssey; nimona by stevenson and the wolfwalkers artbook#this is all i could fit & i might move the scott pilgrim volumes off the shelf for more room for crime and punishment#and replace it with one of o'malley's other works#i really loved seconds i want a copy of that so bad..... hmmm#ramblesss#IGNORE THE MESS IN THE BACKGROUND IM STILL GIVING MY LIVING SPACE A MAKEOVER NOONES LIVED HERE IN LIKE 80 YEARS FR
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you know I actually have an Andy fic in my special children au that I’m trying to write and the biggest reason I haven’t finished it is that every time I get really into it, it suddenly switches into second person
#this fic wants to be in second person so bad you have no idea#it is literally wrestling with me every other sentence okay#I was writing a bit of it and boom: ‘-but you’re getting ahead of yourself’ LIKE?? FOR FUCKS SAKE STAY IN THIRD#Andy ily but why does your pov want to be fucky okay I have established that this series is in third person already we can’t do this#I think it’s because it is v like. stream of consciousness. tangent-y.#you know. how you would expect someone’s thoughts to be after experiencing something traumatic a la shooting their newfound brother#in the head and then losing his best friend because fucky mind control reasons. he’s a little. dizzy.#stressed little bong man just wanted to live in his van and now his life is so messed up :(#anyway that’s why I keep having to force it back into third person it’s v frustrating
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With photographic memories preserved, and Alice having used up her sparkler, I decided to have the gang decamp to the nearby karaoke bar, Planet Honey Pop! Smiler naturally arrived first (bat form being very useful again) and got themselves a nice Plasma Jane, with Alice following shortly behind -- but for some reason, I noticed whenever I switched to Alice, Smiler had this odd sort of glow on them, and Alice had an angry moodlet. Clicking on the moodlet finally revealed what had happened -- I’d had Alice use her new Enhanced Smell powers to try and sniff out any diggable goodies at the festival (no dice), and now she was reacting to Smiler’s vampire smell. And even with my Occult Preferences (by Spinning Plumbobs) mod ensuring that she likes vampires, she thought their smell was corpsey and icky. :( I guess it’s only natural she wouldn’t like dead body smell, but I never though that should apply to Sims 4 vampires, they don’t actually die. . .
Anyway -- the moodlet was VERY MUCH overriden by Alice’s general happiness and confidence, so it actually wasn’t a big deal (especially when Victor showed up and his rainbowy spellcaster scent took precedence XD). The gang hung out at the bar for a while, having drinks and chatting (though it took a while for Alice to get hers -- I had her order her “favorite drink,” but I don’t think she ever received it, so I eventually settled for a Fruity And Fizzy -- Victor had a root beer float, fyi), then Smiler and Alice went to watch some awful karaoke while Victor hit the men’s room and got to know the toilet a little bit. XD Smiler decided to show everybody how it was done and took the stage for a peppy pop song. There weren’t many people in the bar at that point to enjoy it, but Victor and Alice certainly did! :D
And then, finally, with the festival over and everyone a little on the tired side, it was time to head back home -- and start hanging up their new pictures! Alice found a spot in the living room for the new GeekCon snaps, while Smiler put Victor’s beautiful observatory print up in the party barn. :D Hey, look, I know the observatory is too big for its own good, and that having small telescopes in the game is great, but give me that it produces some gorgeous pictures!
#sims 4#the lazy save#victor van dort#alice liddell#smiler always#look of COURSE I had to have them visit the karaoke bar before they left#karaoke is one of Smiler's THINGS XD#I wanted them to sing a duet with Victor or Alice but#I don't think either of them have high enough singing skill to pull off the duet I wanted yet#ah well#and yeah a little sad to see Alice still thinks vampires smell bad despite liking them#maybe this will be updated in the future#very happy with the pictures though#I was running out of visible wall space downstairs so I was happy to find that spot in the living room for the photos#and of course the observatory print had to go in the party barn#look at it its beautiful :D#I should go more places with observatories and try to get more pictures#I love them#queued
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I wish there was a way to convey to your neighbors that you wanna be alone when you're doing yard work sggdgdgd like just bc I'm visible to you and outside does not mean I wanna be friends 😭
And like I don't want to be RUDE to people I just wanna work in peace and do my outside chores 😭😭😭
#my neighbor came over to introduce himself and hes like yeah ive been here 6 years now :D how bout you?#and im like 24 sgdgdggdgdgdgdgd like yeah i remember the past two families that lived in your house man i remember all the people#who used to live here especially the guy NEXT to this neighbor who moved out after like one year who i swear on my life was a serial#killer like something was just really off ab him and he got too friendly too fast and would just show up when hed see us IN OUR FENCED#BACKYARD like privacy fence and he would be like hey neighbors! :DD whatcha doing?? need some help? :)#and i stg i remember this one interaction bc i really think he was gonna try to abduct my mom like i know i sound so paranoid but they way#he was acting was like he was thrown that i was there 😬 like the vibes were bad#and then he just SILENTLY moved out one day like the house didnt go out on the market with the sign no moving vans no goodbyes#he was just GONE so uh yeah 😬 oh and he would only come over when my dad was at work like not in a i dont want him to know im#trying to get with his wife (he wasnt flirty btw) but like a... i dont want him to know ME way#anyway he's long fucking gone and ill always wonder but i did feel safer when he left shdgdggdgdgdggdhdh#this neighbor i think is just like trying to be involved with his neighborhood bc he talks to everybody but i just feel uncomfortable when#anyone talks to me shdhdhhdhdh#marquilla#also i think i might have poison ivy and or oak on my hand from the bushes 😬 we cannot get rid of that shit no matter what we try i stg
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missing them...
#ot3: ❤rhyme💛easy💙#tape entry circa 1980#im feeling so lost in everything and i just need my min and ryan so bad to feel better...#i just wish i was HOME w them both that i was home in the 1980s#i want to take a nap w them both im so tired#im tired all the time lately#id like for them both to take me on a surprise roadtrip#to pop in a mixtape they made for me and jam out#to hear all the songs they associate w me and ones they know i love#or tuning into the radio#there wasnt nearly as many ads back then... theyd play a good handful of songs w practically nothing inbetween#and then throw in a couple ads real quick to get back to the songs#we can order take out and listen to the radio in the background and talk abt where we're going next#taking over as driver and looking over at min whos looking over the map while i hear ryan playing his acoustic in the back and singing...💖#night spent sleeping together in the back of the van and others sleeping in a motel room#i love the idea of that kind of freedom w them both that my home is wherever they are as long as we have eachother#but i also love the idea of just always being able to go home to them w our own cozy living space#to fall asleep w min and ryan on the couch and to wake up to the tv static after they went off the air#hear ryan snore and feel how he clings onto me while min protectively holds onto us both#the sounds of their breathing the warmth of their bodies the rhythm of their heartbeats... its all just so comforting#and being able to wake up w them to do things like help min style his hair in the morning and make breakfast together while ryan sleeps#to eventually wake him up w the promise of a tasty breakfast and kisses 💛💙#i just miss them... more than fucking anything#i would finally be ok and happy if i could go home to them both#to have a free life w them making music and having fun#every part of me always every moment of every day longs for them and misses them... and loves them...
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Me, in a snowstorm with a temperature of -9 but feels like -35, wind so strong and cold that it was taking the air out of my lungs, and very UNCLEAR roads: No yeah I can make it to work
Me when I fishtail through an intersection: Yeah no I can't make it to work
#the weather outside is FRIGHTFUL#and my space heater is doing its best but its certainly not delightful#since i have no place to go (unless i want to crash)#i guess ill just let it snow?#i did not sleep well last night :(#my space heater and radiators are doing their best but theres nothing that can truly warm this place in the winter#i have gorgeous windows. HUGE windows in my living room that let in so much light#but they also let in so. much. cold#i did not go to bed dressed for the cold. so sleeping wasnt ideal#when i got ready for work i did it all wrapped in a blanket like a child#and when i got home from trying to go to work i actually got dressed properly for cold#socks. fuzzy pajama pants. hoodie#you know its bad when im wearing socks. i hate socks. theyre sensory hell#but my friend gave me cute Christmas socks so now they're part of my apocalypse outfit#im supposed to drive to see my family today but theyre four hours away and the weather is probs worse there#and my van doesn't have traction control#idk if i want to risk it. i guess ill see if it clears up by this afternoon#wish me luck and good weather#it is so. fucking. cold here in my bed. im under two blankets. im suffering
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OP PLEASEEEE DROP ANY OTHER FUN DETAILS YOU FIND IN THERE
just got my d20 calendar and this spread of trackers moon haven?????? i will cry. @sydsketch your art means the world to me (i apologize my phone camera doesn’t do it justice)
#HOLY FUCKKKKK#god I want the calendar so sososososo sos so bad#BUT CAN I SPARE THAT MONEY#AUGH BAD KIDS VAN ERA MY BELOVED#LIVING IN SUCH A CLOSED SPACE WITH ALL YOUR BEST FREIDNS WHILE ON A QUEST FILLED WITH MORTAL DANGER#WHERE YOUR ONLY SAFE SPACE IS SHARED#THE CLOSENESS OF IT. PHYSICALLY.#AUTBEIHFKBNBGKGHEEE THROWS UP AND DIES#fhsy#moot spoiler tag
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I wonder how many lives I've lived in my dreams
#Finn talks#idk just thoughts#I saw a van that had amateur spray painting all over it#and my thought was wow that looked like it was fun#then at the same time I remembered a dream I had when I was young about spray painting a van as an adult with my friends#I wanted to do that so bad when I got my first car when I was a kid/teeb#but now I'm 26 and I'm like car??? of my own??? super out of reach#I just wonder how many things and lives I've been and done while dreaming#I had a dream about a black and white standard poodle when I was like 7 and was convinced I needed to find that dog when I woke up#am I and her running around in another universe?#are my dreams peering into the ponds of other realities#the dreams always feel so real and I think that's why I got to emotionally attached to some of those ideas and things in those dreams#the lives I've dreamt have been horrific but they have also been beautiful#and so is life
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best day of my life was when vimms lair let other regional versions of games be on the site u have no idea how happy i was. like yes finally i dont have to send people digging through a huge archive.org dump of DS games so they can play professor layton & not suffer thru lukes american dub voice 😭
#like me personally i dont care if i have to jump through hoops to download something so that wasnt even an inconvenience for me#if anything i loooove having to work harder to find a download for something it feels more rewarding <- has 2 much free time 2 spend online#but sadly the average person does not enjoy internet sleuthing or file conversion or downloading & installing torrent progeams or whatever#like they just want a ddl. which is absolutely fair like me too for a lotta stuff! but that means theyd go to vimms lair to download it#& just download the NA release 😔 like i think 99% of people do not care about this but i need you to go look up a comparison#of luke triton's NA english dub vs. his EU english dub. if you played the american ones just think about how he sounds in the movie#but like oh my god. im so grateful i lived in england when i got into layton cause that meant it was way easier to get UK copies of thegames#like i ended up getting a european 3ds while i lived there to play the 3ds games & it was so worth it. i Dont like american dub luke triton#HES NOT EVEN AMERICAN IN THE DUB he just has a fake british accent and it does Not sound good especially when i heard the (superior) dub 1st#like i need to stress the american dub isnt even that bad. its not speedwagon dub bad.#<- my mom compared speedys voice to dick van dyke in mary poppins which is honestly an insult to dick van dyke in mary poppins#like its objectively a terrible accent. but he makes it work. The jojos part 1 dub cast for 99% of the time... does not. 😭#ITS NOT EVEN BAD ACTING ITS THE ACCENTS. THEYRE AWFUL. i need you to know jonathan's VA also voices nero dmc and adachi persona4. like#hes obviously a talented voice actor!!!! But why cant you just hire a british person to do this#or like. at least an american who can actually do a good english accent 😭#like jojos makes it work... sometimes. i think its better in part 2 because theres like a variety of different accents and they all suck#like somehow that works in its favor. but knowing jonathan is one of the better ones in part 1 is 😭#dio is probably my fave of the english cast because well the bar is on the floor. but hes as dramatic as he should be#which definitely helps#i forgotwhat i was talking about. ummmmm. idk#in conclusion if you ask me sub or dub id have to say it depends. ''depends on what'' well what it depends on... depends!#<- only guy who writes conclusions to his fucking tumblr tags like its an essay or something#muffin mumbles
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