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AWESOME GIFT IDEAS RV OWNERS WILL BE CRAZY ABOUT!

New Post has been published on https://eazycamping.net/awesome-gift-ideas-rv-owners-will-be-crazy-about/

AWESOME GIFT IDEAS RV OWNERS WILL BE CRAZY ABOUT!

So many great camping gifts, so little time! There are tons of unique camper gifts for RV owners! See the best gift ideas in 2023 from ingenious accessories and electronic camper gadgets to RV organization gizmos, fun travel journals, decor, kitchen/barware and more! 

Psst we’re compensated…see our disclosures.

1. HitchSafe Key Vault

Storing valuables while RVing can be challenging. The HitchSafe Key Vault is one of the most cool RV accessories because it is ingeniously designed to secure keys, cards and valuables inside the receiver! It features metal construction and the lock combination can be changed with 10,000 possible codes.

HitchSafe Key Vault

  We have more tips and gadgets for camping security that make perfect RV gifts!

2. National Park Scratch-Off Poster

You know how good it feels to hear: “This is the best gift we’ve received in a really long time!” That’s the response we got when we gave this National Park scratch off poster as a new RV housewarming gift to a recently retired couple who are planning to hit the road to explore America for the next few years.

National Park Scratch Off Poster

  3. MudBuster Portable Dog Paw Cleaner

Keeping the dog outside the RV just to keep the mud out is not necessary! The Mudbuster Portable Dog Paw Cleaner has gentle silicone bristles inside and it works by adding a little water then inserting the dog’s paw and twisting a little to wash off the mud. Do that to all 4 paws, pat them dry and the dog can jump in the RV without making a mess!

MudBuster Portable Dog Paw Cleaner

  4. Hand-Crafted Camping Themed Cookies

These adorable hand-crafted sweet treats are available in sugar cookies, chocolate sugar cookies, red velvet, Mathca green tea, Ginger Spice, or shortbread cookies. This thoughtful gift is made to order, is individually wrapped for freshness and packaged in bubblewrap so they arrive just as cute as you’d expect!

Custom Hand Crafted Camping Themed Cookies

5. Tandem Tire Changing Ramp

We have friends turned us on to this Trailer-Aid “Plus” Tandem Tire Changing Ramp. You just drive the good tire on the ramp and the flat tire is lifted off the ground high enough to change the tire WITHOUT A JACK AND WITHOUT EMPTYING CARGO (even horses can remain inside a horse trailer!!!) There is a 15,000 pound limit which means it can handle most travel trailer RVs, cargo trailers and horse trailers!

Tandem Tire Changing Ramp

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6. Happy Campers Personalized Campsite Flag

Marking your territory with a campsite flag is fun … especially when it is personalized! This Happy Campers Personalized Campsite Flag is one of my favorites because it includes a BBQ grill … and … you know how much I love good camping food!?!?

Happy Campers Personalized Campsite Flag

  Find more personalized camping gifts that make really thoughtful presents but make sure you order early enough because they take a little extra time.

7. RV Permanent State Sticker Set

Part of the beauty of RV travel is experiencing the journey and tracking your travels … Many RVers use state sticker maps to do that. This RV Permanent State Sticker Set is unique because each sticker depicts a license plate graphic of each state. The peel and press vinyl stickers resist water, sun and salt. These make great motorhome gifts for people who do a lot of traveling.

RV Permanent State Sticker Set

  8. Handheld Hummingbird Feeders

So many RVers love getting close to nature on their adventures … attracting hummingbirds to the campsite seems to be a “required” entertainment event. These Handheld Hummingbird Feeders are small enough to pack neatly away without taking up a ton of valuable storage space inside the rig!

Handheld Hummingbird Feeders

  This is one of my personal favorite gadgets you can see me using in our VIDEO How To Attract Hummingbirds To Your Campsite.

9. Passport To Your National Parks Booklet

This Passport To Your National Parks Booklet is one of the most popular travel journals for pre-planning visits to America’s National Parks as well as memory capturing during the trip! The book comes in different formats and lists all of the National Parks in the United States and U.S. territories. My favorite part is the space for the “cancellation” stamps you can add to your book during your visits. This is a fun gift idea to pair with an America The Beautiful Pass (you’ll see that later in the list.)

Passport To Your National Parks Booklet

  10. The Most Scenic Drives In America: 120 Spectacular Road Trips

Part of the fun of owning an RV is taking your home-away-from-home on a road trip with jaw-dropping scenery. That’s why we always say, you’ve got to enjoy the journey … not just the destination. The Most Scenic Drives In America book is perfect to give to RV lovers who travel a lot or those who only get to travel occasionally but want inspiration to make those special occasions totally magnificent!

The Most Scenic Drives In America: 120 Spectacular Road Trips

  11. Zero Gravity Chair

An Oversized Zero Gravity Chair tops the list of the best gifts for our big and tall favorite RVer friends. This is a great option because these chairs are wider, longer and have a heavier weight capacity compared to standard camp chairs. The extra room makes them comfortable for any person and the perfect place to take a nap or curl up and read a book in the great outdoors. See our entire post on choosing the best heavy duty camping chair that will provide comfort for big and tall campers with easy access to storage compartments.

12. Kitchen Towels

One of the most important things to have on a camping trip is enough kitchen towels. You don’t want to do laundry and you don’t want to run out of clean towels if you don’t have an automatic dishwasher! This cute set is a great choice that blends fashion and function.

Decorative Waffle Camping Kitchen Towel Set

  14. Picnic Backpack

Picnic Backpacks are great for campers who want to explore a bit to find a beautiful landscape setting for a refreshing picnic. You can get them with settings for 4 people or two. They come with utensils, a picnic blanket and cooler bag.

Picnic Backpack

  15. The Long, Long Trailer Movie

There are lots of movies about full-time RVers traveling throughout the country … the funny ones are the best! You know, when you “see yourselves” in almost every scene?!? The Long, Long Trailer Movie is a massively popular, family-friendly, hilarious comedy that will have every RV owner thinking “I remember doing that when we were new RVers!”

The Long, Long Trailer Movie

  17. Stainless Steel Wine Tumblers

Non-breakable wine glasses are a great idea for RV use because the last thing you want to do is pop the cork on a nice bottle of vino just to find that your wine glasses shattered during your drive! Wine lovers will agree, a stainless steel wine tumbler with a lid is a special gift … especially with the fun “Happy Camping” message and graphic!

Happy Camping Stainless Steel Wine Tumbler With Lid

  18. Wrap Around RV Step Rug

Using a Wrap Around Step Rug is one of the best ways to catch dirt prior to entering an RV. It wraps around the existing RV step and is fastened by hooking springs into the holes. It can be used with manual or electric steps, measures 18″ x 17.5″, and adjusts to fit steps with a tread of 8″ to 10.5″. Entire families love these cool camper accessories because nobody wants to sweep out the RV when it is a never-ending task!

Wrap Around RV Step Rug

  19. RV There Yet? Road Trip Journal

I really like this RV There Yet? My Road Trip Journal because of the RV specific writing prompts on the inside pages which include things like dates/weather/routes, odometer readings/miles per gallon, who you are traveling with/meet along the journey, sites/memorable events, dining experiences and places to remember for next time and more!

RV There Yet? Road Trip Journal

  21. Outdoor Patio Mat

This Home Is Where We Park It RV Mat is one of those totally practical yet ridiculously fun RV accessories for the clean freaks on your list! It’s so easy to clean, just sweep the dirt from the polypropylene material. If it’s really dirty, just hose it off with water and let it quickly dry in the sun. It’s lightweight and folds easily to fit inside the carrying bag.

8-Feet x 18-Feet Outdoor Patio Mat

  22. Camping-Themed Novelty Socks

These Camping-Themed Novelty Socks come in sizes for Men and Women. There are tons of cute designs and different colors. Personally, I like dark colors because we are always in dirt when we are camping and hiking, darker colors don’t show stains. LOL Get more his and hers ideas for fun camping gifts for couples who enjoy the great outdoors together!

Men’s Novelty Socks

Women’s Novelty Socks

  23. Portable Propane Fire Pit

An Outdoor Portable Propane Fire Pit is a great gift idea. It fits in a small space for transportation and storage. When you’re ready to start a fire, just take it out of the carry bag, hook it up and light it. They are the next best thing to a real, wood-burning crackling fire without the shooting embers. They radiate heat and display mesmerizing dancing flames. It’s small enough to sit on a picnic table or small patio. Best of all, you can use it during times of typical fire restrictions, you don’t have to carry firewood and you don’t have any ashes that need to be cleaned. When you’re done, simply turn off the gas!

You can see why we think this is the best camping propane fire pit and the 8 reasons we LOVE ours. We also have an entire post filled with tips on camping during times of fire restrictions.

Outland Living Portable Propane Fire Pit, 19-inch, 58,000 BTUs

  24. Camp Casual Nesting Bowl Set

These bowls are awesome RV camping gifts because they nest for storage! The totally cute design and fun colors in this Camp Casual Nesting Bowl Set contains 4 melamine bowls with lids and include sizes of 6-inch, 7.5-inch, 9-inch and 10-inch in diameter.

Camp Casual Nesting Bowl Set

  25. Portable Manually Operated Espresso Machine

Need a great present for espresso lovers? This Portable Manually Operated Espresso Machine is a unique gadget: small, lightweight and requires NO electricity, compressed air or N2O cartridges because it is operated by a simple piston! It’s even a favorite coffee gadget for backpackers because this coffee maker is so compact.

Portable Manually Operated Espresso Machine

  26. Allen Designs Happy Campers Pendulum Clock

Don’t you just love functional and whimsical decor items? This Happy Campers Pendulum Clock is an adorable working clock and is one of the coolest Airstream accessories we’ve seen! I love the little tow vehicle truck on the pendulum! It uses one AA battery so it’s great for RVers who like boondocking without hookups! This is one of those vintage trailer gifts that will be treasured forever!

Allen Designs Happy Campers Pendulum Clock

  27. King & Queen Of The RV Mug

These ceramic coffee mugs are fit for the King Of The RV and his Queen Of The RV. They have the design printed on both sides, and they are microwave and top-rack dishwasher safe!

King Of The RV Mug

Queen Of The RV Mug

  28. Adjustable Broom & Dustpan

Expandable gadgets are SWEET for RVs because limited space is a problem. Practical RV gifts, like this Adjustable Broom And Dustpan, may not be exciting to people who don’t own RVs … but, are off-the-charts for people who do! The broom collapses to 24″ for compact storage and extends to 52″ when in use.

Adjustable Broom & Dustpan

  29. Matching Key Fobs & Dog Collars

Talk about unique presents for camper owners and their dogs … yes, I said dogs! Is your pet a family member? So many people travel with their dogs and they need to keep track of their keys, fobs and dogs all at the same time. This Camping Key Fob Strap and matching Camping Dog Collar are perfect for camping families with fur babies!

Camping Key Fob Strap

RV Camping Dog Collar

  30. Camper Trailer Wind Chimes

This wind chime set is perfect gift idea for your RV friend who loves sitting outside listening to the sounds of nature and a peaceful chime sound that comes and goes with a gentle breeze. This is just one of the things we take on our glamping trips! Find more glamping accessories that make super stylish, fun gifts.

Camper Trailer Wind Chimes Galvanized Metal RV Decor

  31. Teardrop Camper Trailer Night Light

Practical gifts for motorhome owners don’t have to be boring! This whimsical, fun and blingy little Teardrop Camper Trailer Night Light is the most adorable way to gently light the path to the RV bathroom when hosting overnight guests!

Teardrop Camper Trailer Night Light

  32. Portable Telescoping Tire-Anchored Flagpole

This RV Flag Pole Kit is a sturdy RV system that mounts to any flat surface and fits most RV ladders. When extended, it can accommodate flags up to 3′ x 5′ and the pole collapses for easy storage too. These pole kits make make especially awesome gifts for RV campers who use their RVs at special events (like car races, horse shows, hot air balloon events etc.) and park in a sea of campers … flying a flag that is visible from a distance is one of the easy ways to find one single rig among hundreds of others!

Portable Telescoping Tire-Anchored Flagpole

  33. Camp Casual Road Trip Plush Throw

This Camp Casual Travel Map Throw is the perfect present for campervan owners who like to add a little quirky retro style to their practical gear. This throw is super comfy and soft, 100% polyester and machine washable!

Camp Casual Road Trip Plush Throw

  34. Retro Camper Pot Holder Set

Consider kitchen ideas for RV owners who typically cook inside their rigs like this Retro Camper Pot Holder Set which is functional and cute enough to hang for display too!

Retro Camper Pot Holder Set

  36. Life Is Good In The Trailerhood: Travel Journal

One of the coolest things in this Life Is Good In The Trailerhood Travel Journal is the map of the United States for coloring in as you travel! It also includes writing prompts for: (1) Departure, Destination and Route Information, (2) Weather and Mileage Log, (3) Detailed Campsite Information including hookups, amenities, wifi and more, (4) Places Visited / Activities, (5) New Friends, (6) Food / Dining / Restaurants, (7) Places to Go and Things to See Next Time, (8) Places to get Water, Propane and Dump Stations for boondockers.

Life Is Good In The Trailerhood: Travel Journal

  37. Arizona Benchmark Road And Recreation Atlas

National Geographic Maps publishes Benchmark Road And Recreation Atlas books for many states and the information includes backcountry roads, trailheads, campgrounds, points of interest, hunting units, RV parks, golf, and boating locations too!

Arizona Road & Recreation Atlas

  38. S’mores To-Go Kit

This fun S’mores To Go Kit features handmade gourmet vanilla bean and caramel marshmallows! To add to the gourmet flair, pizzelle Italian vanilla wafer cookies replace plain graham crackers … and … Belgium milk chocolate is included instead of ordinary chocolate candy bars!

S’mores-To-Go Kit With Handmade Gourmet Marshmallows

39. Aluminum Telescopic Extension Ladder

This Aluminum Telescopic Extension Ladder is a useful gift that provides the functionality of a full sized ladder but only requires a little space for transportation and storage. This telescoping ladder extends to 12.5 ft, and it weighs 25 pounds but holds up to 330 pounds. The best part is that it collapses down with easy one-button retraction.

There are a few of our RV tips and hacks that require a ladder. We have an entire post with a VIDEO to help you decide which of the best RV ladders is right for your and our top pick for different applications.

12.5ft Telescoping Aluminum Extension Ladder

  40. National Geographic Guide to Scenic Highways and Byways, 5th Edition: The 300 Best Drives in the U.S.

Scenic drive guide books are awesome for RVers who love camping trips that take the “long route” so they can soak up the beauty of America. The National Geographic Guide To Scenic Highways And Byways is packed with beautiful illustrations and helpful tips to explore more than 300 getaways throughout the 50 states. 

National Geographic Guide to Scenic Highways and Byways, 5th Edition: The 300 Best Drives in the U.S.

  41. Camping-Themed Gift Basket

Talk about the perfect gift basket filled with snacks for RV road trips! This one contains trail mix, seasoned pretzels, summer sausage, seasonings and cookies.

Camping Themed Gift Basket With Snacks

  42. Life Is Better At The Campsite Welcome Mat

When a welcome mat can be used inside or outside to trap dirt and liquid, that is a good thing. When it greets visitors with a Life Is Better At The Campsite Welcome Mat message, it is a GREAT thing!

Life Is Better At The Campsite Welcome Mat

  43. Traction Mats For Sand, Mud, Ice & Snow

These Vehicle Traction Mats are seriously cool for people who like to do off-road camping. Extraction mats are raised tracks that help prevent vehicle tires from spinning on snow, sand, mud or ice with no requirement for towing or pushing … and the large size fits almost any vehicle.

Traction Mats For Sand, Mud, Ice & Snow

  44. High Cotton Outdoor Mat, Home is Where The Welcome Mat Is

We love this Home Is Where The Welcome Mat Is outdoor use mat with the fun retro trailer image in the woods! The material is indoor/outdoor carpeting that can be cleaned with a hose and brush.

High Cotton Outdoor Mat, Home is Where The Welcome Mat Is

  45. Road Trip Travel Throw Pillows

You don’t have to worry about these Road Trip Travel Pillow Covers being “decorative only” because the cover has a zipper making it easy to remove for hand washing (machine washable is not recommended). If you want to give this gift as an entire throw pillow (rather than just a cover), make sure you get pillow inserts too!

 Camper Decor Road Trip Pillow Covers

 Throw Pillows Inserts 18×18 Inches

  46. Welcome To Our Campsite Where Friends & Marshmallows Get Toasted At The Same Time Sign

Fun camper accessories, like this colorful Welcome To Our Campsite Where Friends & Marshmallows Get Toasted At The Same Time Sign are great for people who like to socialize during their camping adventures … whether in a small pop-up camper or a massive motorhome.

Welcome To Our Campsite Where Friends & Marshmallows Get Toasted At The Same Time Sign

  47. Kindle Paperwhite E-Reader

Electronic readers are great for campers who like to do a lot of reading and don’t want to carry the bulk and weight associated with paper books. This Kindle Paperwhite E-Reader has a higher resolution display (300 ppi) and a built-in adjustable light to read in daylight or at night. Even in bright sunlight, there is no screen glare. A single battery charge lasts weeks on this WATERPROOF device. Yes, you can take it on the fishing boat or on an inflatable kayak trip and not worry about it!

Kindle Paperwhite – Waterproof, Adjustable Warm Light

  48. Camper Trailer RV Picture Frame

This Camper Trailer RV Picture Frame is a cute way to frame a photo to be displayed inside an RV! They come in all sorts of models including 5th Wheels, C Class Motorhomes, A Class Motorhomes and Pop-Ups!

Camper Trailer RV Picture Frame

  49. Happy Camper Garden Flags

Garden flags are a popular way to quickly decorate a “temporary yard” for RVs that are always on the go! This Happy Camper Garden Flag features a fun graphic and fits standard garden flag holders. See more camping flags with tons of different designs to fit different styles and personalities of all types of RV owners!

Spring Happy Campers Garden Flag 12.5″ x 18″

  50. Collapsible Measuring Cups

I’ve never seen an RV kitchen with enough storage space! There is a good reason RVers like collapsible and nesting cookware like these dry measuring cups. Get our complete guide to kitchen accessories that save space and maximize functionality. RV kitchen accessories are fun and practical presents for campers who love cooking using their indoor or outdoor RV kitchens.

Collapsible Silicone Soft Measuring Cups & Measuring Spoons

  51. Digital Wireless Back-Up Camera System

Every RV owner needs an extra set of eyes when backing up the rig … unless they have a wireless backup camera system! This Digital Wireless RV Backup Camera System doesn’t have a complex wire layout between the monitor and IR LED night-vision waterproof camera because it is a WIRELESS system! Both units need power, the monitor is powered by your cigarette lighter and the camera is powered by a 12-24 volt source of your vehicle’s electrical system.

Digital Wireless Back-Up Camera System

  52. Camp Casual 12-Piece Dish Set

Using colorful dishes with retro RV camp scenes is a fun way to eat your camp culinary creations! The Camp Casual 12-Piece Dish Set includes four dinner plates, salad plates and bowls. The BPA-free heavyweight melamine material should not be used in a microwave but it is safe for top-shelf dishwasher cleaning. There are so many vintage camper gifts you need to check out if your friends like the retro style!

Camp Casual 12-Piece Dish Set

  53. Retro Camper Hand Towel Set

This Camping Dish Towel Set comes with two towels that have adorable graphics and favorite quotes that are used often by RV owners: Happy Camper. They are sooooooooooo cute! 

Retro Camper Hand Towel Set

  54. JBL Charge 4 – Waterproof Portable Bluetooth Speaker

We have this JBL Wireless Bluetooth Portable Speaker and LOVE it for camp trips but we use it at home too! It has superior high quality sound for its size. You can wirelessly connect up to 2 smartphones or tablets to the speaker. There is a built-in rechargeable Li-ion 7500mAH battery that will give you up to 20 hours of playtime … and it will charge your device via a USB port. The IPX7 WATERPROOF feature means you don’t have to worry about using it in the rain on soggy camp trips.

See our entire post and VIDEO on choosing the best camping portable audio for different applications.

JBL Charge 4 – Waterproof Portable Bluetooth Speaker

  55. Retro Camping Insulated Tumbler

This totally adorable Retro Camping Insulated Tumbler is great for both hot and cold beverages, holds 16oz, has a lid and is microwave and dishwasher safe! Durable and cute camping themed mugs are so much more fun than just giving an Amazon gift card!

Retro Camping Insulated Tumbler

  56. Toasted Or Roasted Card Game Set

This kid-friendly Toasted Or Roasted Card Game Set can be played with 2-6 players over the age of 6. The object: be the first player to start your campfire and toast three marshmallows but don’t forget to play defensively because “Roasty” will try to burn your marshmallows. Get more ideas for camping games!

Toasted Or Roasted Card Game Set

  57. Happy Camp Blue Ceramic Engraved Coffee Mug

This Happy Camper Mug is designed with a cute image of a retro camper under a moon and star-filled night sky. It holds approximately 16 ounces and is a ceramic engraved mug. Make a batch of our Campfire Hot Cocoa Mix and put it in a plastic bag with a decorative ribbon then place that inside your mug for affordable and unique camp gifts!

Happy Camp Blue Ceramic Engraved Coffee Mug

  58. Camping Hair Don’t Care Hat

Hats and camping just go together! They give protection from the sun and the Camping Hair Don’t Care Hat hides “camp hair” very well! And, don’t we all need to hide our hair when we are camping? LOL

Camping Hair Don’t Care Hat

  59. Life Is Better At The Campsite Water Bottle

Camper-themed water bottles are fun to give to campers who are trying to reduce their use of individual serving plastic water bottles. This Life Is Better At The Campsite Water Bottle holds 32 oz./1,000 ml and has a silicone gasket that prevents leakage with a tight-fitting screw-on lid. 

Life Is Better At The Campsite Water Bottle

  60. Happy Campers Coloring Book

Coloring books are popular stress-relievers for adults! This Happy Campers Coloring Book celebrates the good life on the open road with 30 vibrantly detailed art activities. The quirky illustrations can be colored using markers, colored pencils, gel pens, or watercolors.

Happy Campers Coloring Book

  61. National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation Movie

Some of the best gift ideas actually appeal to non-campers too … the National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation movie is one of them! This is one of our family’s “must watch” Christmas movies. In some strange way, every RV owner has the ability to relate to cousin Eddie in an endearing yet slightly uncomfortable way.

National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation (Special Edition)

  63. 50 States, 500 Campgrounds Book

Don’t just give one birthday gift or Christmas present … the best RV gift ideas keep on giving! The National Geographic 50 States, 500 Campgrounds book is a great resource for RV travelers. It has 5,000 Ideas on When to Go, What to See, What to Do. Readers enjoy reviews of campgrounds, top tent and cabin campsites, RV resorts and glamping destinations around the United States and Canada.

50 States, 500 Campgrounds: Where to Go, When to Go, What to See, What to Do (5,000 Ideas)

  64. RV Short Queen Memory Foam Mattress

I used to put sleeping bags over our RV mattress and then put our sheets over that. The sleeping bags gave us a little extra cushion which was great UNTIL we received one of the best RV gifts we ever received … a memory foam mattress! Using an RV Memory Foam Mattress is a great way to improve a less-than-desirable RV mattress! This one features 2 inches Memory Foam and 6 inches High-density Base Support Foam!

RV Short Queen Memory Foam Mattress

  65. weBoost Drive X RV Cell Phone Signal Booster Kit

Typically we like to unplug when we are camping but there are times we need a signal. Like, when I’m working on this blog … he he. Well, because we camp in remote locations in beautiful national forests, we often have a very weak signal and I can’t upload or download anything. After we got our weBoost, that changed! If you are in an area with no cell service at all, you’re out of luck. But, as long as you have some signal, the weBoost can help amplify it and you can do most of the things you’ll want to do.

weBoost Drive X RV – Cell Phone Signal Booster kit | Boosts 5G & 4G LTE for All U.S. & Canadian Carriers – Verizon, AT&T, T-Mobile, more | Made in the U.S. | FCC Approved

  Gift Ideas For People Who Never Owned An RV Before

These are awesome gift ideas for new RV owners who need almost everything. Sure you could give Amazon gift cards but it’s more fun to actually wrap real presents your RV friends actually need. These are perfect gift ideas for brand new RV owners.

66. RV Klippy Klips Awning Clips, Light Hangars

These RV Designer Klippy Clips are great for hanging stuff from an RV awning. They’re made of high impact plastic, have rust-proof stainless steel springs and they pivot/swivel! These camper gadgets make practical gifts for camper owners … and … if you combine them with something fun to hang on them (like string lights), they are even better!

Klippy Klips are awesome but to make a more substantial present, pair them with some cute camping lights too.

67. Upright Position Plate Holder

Someday RV designers will create better kitchen cabinets so there is not a ton of wasted space where dishes are stored. Until then, using an Upright Position Plate Holder is a great fix! Making valuable space usable is the way to reduce clutter and easily find items in the small spaces of an RV.

68. Wall Mounted Toothbrush Holder

This toothbrush holder is one of the cheapest but coolest presents an RV owner could ever want! The Pop-A-Toothbrush protects toothbrushes from dust and germs and avoids the need to use valuable shelf space in the RV medicine cabinet.

69. Fridge Airator With On/Off Switch

Cooling an RV refrigerator evenly is not automatic because they typically don’t have the best airflow. This RV Fridge Airator is a high-volume air circulator which also absorbs odors!

70. RV Fridge Braces

Lots of travel trailer owners don’t even know these things exist but when they find them, they fall in love! Shifting cargo is always a problem when traveling in an RV but these RV Fridge Braces keep food and beverages from sliding inside the fridge during travel and easily attach to RV refrigerator wire shelves.

There are tons of cool little kitchen gadgets we recommend when we are offering RV camping tips for beginners to get their rigs well stocked for maximum functionality and they make wonderful presents for new owners.

71. RV/Marine Water Filter With Flexible Hose Protector

An RV In Line Water Filter is probably one of the most unimpressive gifts for RV travelers you could think of when it comes to camper trailer accessory ideas … but RV enthusiasts will love you for it! This simple in-line filter design easily connects to an RV clean water system and protects against bacteria and sediment in drinking water while reducing bad taste, odors and chlorine.

These are great to use when you are hooked up to city water but also when you are filling a fresh water tank that will be pressurized with the RV’s water pump.

72. Universal Clip-On Towing Mirror

Visibility to change lanes when towing a trailer with a car, SUV or even a truck with small mirrors is a challenge because the standard vehicle mirrors don’t extend far enough to see traffic very well. That’s when using Universal Clip-On Towing Mirrors becomes necessary.

73. Digital Tire Pressure Gauge & Emergency Tool

This Digital Air Gauge Car Rescue Tool is a combo Digital Air Tire Gauge, LED Flashlight, Seat Belt Cutter, Glass Punch Breaks Side Window in Emergency and more. Multi-tools make fabulous camper van gifts because of the extremely limited storage areas in those vehicles and they can be stored with first aid kits.

Our FREE printable RV Tool Kit Checklist has more tools RVers love to have in their collection.

74. Wheel Chock With Ropes

These are great to give to very new owners who are just starting out and don’t have the basic RV stuff they should have in their gear box. Using Wheel Chocks With Ropes helps keep your RV trailer and tow vehicle in place while parked.

75. Heavy Duty Leveling Blocks

These Leveling Blocks allow you to level an RV that is parked on an unlevel surface. The interlocking blocks can be used under tires, trailer tongues and swing arm supports. We use ours often when boondocking (aka remote camping or dispersed camping) in areas like National Forests. The blocks are not designed to be used with big rigs; more sophisticated RVs have built-in levelers. Always know your equipment and its limitations.

76. Folding Step Stool

There are some things that are just barely out of reach. That’s when a Folding Step Stool comes in handy. This one sits slightly higher than the average collapsible stool. The 13-Inch height is perfect for doubling as a foot stool or side table for outdoor camp chairs.

77. RV Stabilizing Jack Pads

This Stabilizer Jack Pad Set helps prevent jacks from sinking into soft ground. The pads are specifically designed to use with stack jacks, fifth wheel stabilizers, swing down stabilizers and awning arms. Each pad measures 6.5″ x 9″ x 1″, has a built-in handle and the set includes a storage strap.

78. Instant Pot

New RVers often stay in campgrounds and RV parks with full hookups. They also underestimate the time for travel and setup which is why an Instant Pot (electric pressure cooker, slow cooker, rice cooker, steamer, sauté, yogurt maker, warmer & sterilizer) is a great kitchen appliance for new RVers.

79. Cell Phone Dash/Window Mount

Fumbling with a cell phone is the last thing you want to do while driving a new RV. Cell Phone Car Mounts are a great solution … especially the ones with suction cups that can be mounted to the dashboard or the windshield.

80. US National Parks Annual Pass

One of the best things about receiving an annual pass is remembering the person who gave it to you every time you use it. You can purchase a National Park Pass to give to a friend or family member. The National Parks and Federal Recreational Lands Pass Series goes by the name “America the Beautiful” and there are several ways you can buy them. MAKE SURE YOU ARE BUYING IT AS A GIFT because Interagency Passes are non-refundable, non-transferable, can’t be extended and can’t be replaced if they are lost or stolen.

Through the USGS Online Store

At a physical Pickup Pass Location

By phone: Call 888-ASK USGS (1-888-275-8747), extension 2. Hours of operation are 8 am to 4 pm Mountain Time.

81. Harvest Hosts Membership

Giving an annual membership to Harvest Hosts is a great RV gift idea for people who do a lot of traveling and like to experience unique places. This program allows members to stay 1 (or possibly 2) nights at a location for FREE. Participating hosts include wineries, breweries & distilleries, farms, museums & other attractions with the regular membership. The +Golf plan adds golf courses & country clubs to the list. You can purchase the membership as a gift online.

82. Solo Stove Ranger Smokeless Fire Pit

This Solo Stove is one of the most unique camper accessories because of its size and design. The stainless steel, compact, wood stove outdoor fire pit measures only 15×12.5 inches making it convenient to pack in RV storage areas. Bottom vent holes allow oxygen to the feed the fire and double walls provide warmth while also reducing smoke.

83. Roadside Assistance Emergency Kit

Nobody likes dealing with emergencies on the side of a busy road but it is much easier when you’re prepared with the proper equipment. This Roadside Emergency Kit is for trucks and RVs and includes a Tire Repair Kit, Jumper Cables, Portable Air Compressor, Tow Strap, Emergency Triangle and more.

84. Bungee Cords

A new camper owner usually does not have a good idea about how many Bungee Cords are needed in RV life. A jar of them is a perfect solution and an excellent gift that will be much appreciated.

Holiday Wish List: Most Popular Gifts This Year

Every year we create a holiday season gift guide that is updated daily (starting on Black Friday) with the most popular Christmas gifts for campers along with the hottest trends and affordable ideas.

No time to look for recipes, create a menu and write a grocery list? No Problem! Get our 3-Day Dutch Oven Camp Menu Plan here!

More camping tips

Source

[thequietmanno1]

Thelreads, Vigilantes 77, Replies Part 1

1) “Time for Vigilantes, which, again, I was asked to warn will be getting a bit heavier from now onward, which can mean anything from someone licking vomit to sexual assault being passed as joke. Such is the inner world of Furuhashi.”-Spot-on, minus the joking part. This is serious time now, for Koichi, Pop, and all individuals wrapped up in this ongoing drama. That means if they’re gonna imply Nomura took advantage of Pop’s current situation for that, then they’ll damm well imply it, and let the thought stew in our heads. 2) “Oh, there he is, bringing forth his inner spidey, oh I missed you, you fucking dumbass(affectionate)”- Izuku has the webs, Koichi has the clinginess, together, they are the Incredible Spider boys! 3) “Shooting practice, I see. Well, if he`s gonna snipe a bee from the sky then he better get ready to shot a lot farther than that. 20 meters is insultingly close, no way Pop is gonna let him get that close.”- Well, like Soga says, it’s also limited to being inside their current private training grounds in case anybody witnesses them training outside, but getting Koichi to get the hang of shooting a target with pinpoint accuracy has to start from somewhere, and whilst they’ve got a lot more advantages than they did without Knuckle’s cache before, they’re still not running on an official hero budget here. Gotta make do with what they have. 4) “Again, we will discuss names later on, alright? For now, just visualize a spiky hair on that target in front of you.”-Well, if he shortens it to SGKB, it actually goes sound a lot more gun-like and ‘official’ as an attack name. 5) “I didn`t expected that much spread. Sure, all the target you trained on were closer, but even so, I was expecting a bit more accuracy, although you didn`t ever had to push the power that much those past three years, so, kinda understandable.

Kinda.”- He actually hit the non-human targets straight in the bullseye, but because of his subconscious mental roadblock, he intentionally aims any harmful blows away from humanoid targets…which in fact, indicates how precise his control actually is when you think about it. Unleashing a rapid-fire blast like that straight out in a quick-draw motion and aiming every single round that might hurt a human away from them, whilst precisely hitting the others dead-on, indicates Koichi’s got quite the dead-eye on him.

6) “Alright, so the problem is a mental barrier preventing him from hitting her. Now that`s bullshit, but we`ll let it slide because I want to see my kid growing since the last two years had none of that. “- It might be because I recently saw Trigun: Stampede, but Koichi’s issues here remind me of Vash’s main dilemma throughout the series. Like Koichi, Vash has an insanely nice demeanour even in a world that rewards his kindness with cruelty, only he has a more proactive stance towards the conflicts that erupt around him – namely, that whilst he abhors violence and refuses to kill another person, he will draw and fire for non-lethal attacks in order to incapacitate his opponents if the situation starts escalating and people won’t be talked down from possibly hurting others. To do this, he’s cultivated some crazy reflexes and shooting skills to be capable of defusing any kind of violent shootout without killing or letting his opponents kill. I see Koichi’s struggles here as him starting to come closer to being that archetype- somebody who dislikes hurting others and always wants to avoid violence, but is deceptively competent at it when it comes down to throwing hands, precisely because he doesn’t want to hurt the opponent more than necessary

7) “And I think that problem could be solved if Koichi managed to get up close to Pop, that way he wouldn`t have a chance of missing, and he could unleash it at full power. You know, like he did with the Octo Nomu three years before?”- He hasn’t quite gotten round to the mentality of unleashing a machine-gun blast of SGKBs yet. He can do it with the regular, non-lethal rounds just fine, but like he says, those are too slow and won’t keep up with Pop’s mobility like his new, actually-lethal move. Instead, he’s got a small, roughly 6-round shooting stance he can pull off, but can’t keep that state of mine for too long, or push it too hard, in part because some part of him knows how dangerous it is and really doesn’t want to let it hurt anybody even those he’s aiming it against. It’s fine for non-human targets, but against Pop, Koichi likely could kill or even cripple her with a single stray shot, so whilst it’s far easier to take her down with it, he can’t get himself into the mentality to actually do that.

8) “ Oh? so my idea of getting up-close to her before hitting her with full power is up? Hell yeah, time to see the cockroach chase the bee around, that`s gonna be fun”- A drive-by shooter on a motorcycle vs a drone pilot with guided missiles. Let the chase commence.

9) “Also, I think that training how to dodge would be better if they had like, a paintball gun, because projectiles are faster and would force him to make quicker moves than two dumbasses with melee weapons.”- You think Knuckle keeps any namby-pampy paintball guns in here? It’s real lead that goes into these weapons only, to be use with maximum overkill on any punks still littering up his streets.

10) “Now this is what I wanted to see- Well, not them being buddies and even sleeping on the same bed, but koichi showing his determination to become a hero for the people that matter, and pushing himself to the limit.”- Also becoming competent by doing what Izuku does for a habit and relentlessly training himself to achieve his goals, though in this case it helps that Koichi now actually has a goal to strive for.

11) “C`mon Koichi, you can carry more than that, put a bit more weight on that back. You see, by now Midoriya had already dragged a 90-kilos fridge across a beach, and he didn`t even had a sliding quirk to help him!”- True, but on the other hand, because he didn’t have a quirk to take some of the load off, Izuku is by now demonstrably more buff than Koichi. Even Knuckles, whose Quirk was speed-based, pumped some serious iron to keep himself in fighting form even without his main power. Understandably, Koichi’s not really the punching type, but I still expect him to start gaining some definition now he’s actually starting to become a true-blue hero in training.

12) “You see, this was the years that Uraraka`s family business was at its peak, but alas, Koichi had to stop the fun and prevent them from earning their honest money. What a monster that Koichi boy is”- Actually, another factor in Vash’s issues with being a ‘nice guy’ in a relentlessly cynical world is that his efforts to avoid killing caused a lot of collateral damage, to the point he’s widely known as a walking disaster. I’m just saying, if Koichi’s arc takes him on a similar path, business is going to be booming for people like Uraraka’s folks.

13) “Heroes on patrol on a hero society? Shut your mouth at such absurd concept, it is impossible for such an event to take place!”- Well, likely a higher-than-average number of heroes patrolling this lower section of the city at least. There’s a difference between cops being spread out over an entire city-state and being concentrated around a single neighbourhood.

14) “Which is a shame that she was brainwashed, it would`ve been so much more fun if she was actually corrupted into the dark side and choose to blow shit up, but then again, Furuhashi letting a female character have agency? Preposterous.”- Honestly, whilst that would have been more engaging, I’d have had a harder time rooting for Koichi to save Pop if that was the case. It’s hard to balance the extreme destruction Pop caused, and thus escalated the stakes to a point of no return, against keeping her character sympathetic, especially if she’s doing it of her own violation. Pop losing her agency and being forced into this role is bad, but on the other hand, it’d have been too much of a 180 from her previous nice self, built up over the manga’s storyline thus far, for her to still be saved and deserved to be protected from the repercussions of this. Looking at Toga, for example, shows that she can be sympathetic, maybe even convinced to not fight the heroes, but she does not deserve to get away scot-free after she’s gleefully killed and hurt others to sate her own wants and needs at the expense of their wellbeing. It’s tragic that she just doesn’t get that hurting others is wrong, and maybe she could be convinced not to do it if somebody else sees her perspective on events- somebody that won’t enable her violent tendencies like the rest of the league did, even if they meant well by it- but it’d be equally unfair to the victims and surviving family members and loved ones of those she hurt if she wasn’t made to face the consequences. Pop getting possessed and forced to do these bombings against her will means she’s more sympathetic, if lacking agency to affect events herself, but it also means we root more for Koichi to help her even if it means going up against official heroes and becoming a target himself.

15) “Uhhhh, okay? That`s your analysis of it? Okaaaay… I have no idea how you came to this conclusion with the current evidences presented, but sure, since you`re an example of high perception towards other`s feelings and all that.”-Well, he does have personal experience with not being able to tell when he’s going too far with his actions- beyond the point of recovery, depending on your perspective. But apparently Furuhashi decided that was enough to upgrade him to the group’s psychiatrist, alongside their analyst.

16) “Now what`s the hurry Koichi? She just blew up a few buildings, let her have a bit more fun, ignore what that jackass there said. Jesus, god forbid women do anything in this world.”- Well, the larger and more frequent the incidents and the more destruction happens, the more the chances of All Might getting involved go up, and if Koichi ends up going against him, then it’s game over man. @thelreads

[rcksmith]

Not you — Five Hargreeves

Requests: “Five Hargreeves x fem!reader, Fluff prompts 9, 52 and 53, please? (You can do this whenever you feel like it) Five and Y/n are both hit by one of Hazel and Cha-Cha’s bullets in the Gimbel Brothers store and they immediately go to the academy (Five wants Y/n treated as soon as possible.) after they’re fine, the siblings start to question them on Five’s protectiveness over Y/n”

“Hii could I request 4 & 23 off the fluff prompts for Five pls ty 😌✨”

Fluff prompts:

4. “Sweetheart, you’re my entire world”

9. “So you're saying that girl is your girlfriend?!" "No, that girl is my wife!”

23. “i’ve dreamt about this.”

52. "Help her first."

53. “There are no limits when it comes to you. I’ll do anything to keep you safe.”

A/N: We not tolerate any pedophilia here !!

I write about Five with their 20s. I write the same about the characters of Harry Potter.

I hope you guys like💖I decided to compile these two requests, since they were the same energy and they prompts connect to a central plot. I added all the elements that were asked for individually, and made sure that all ideas were respected and written down. Good reading.

I used here some fragments of the central plot of Five, but, guys, keep in mind that he is 20 years old, and that when he comes back to 2019 Five does not make a mistake in the calculations. I changed the location of the fight too, but a really I hope you, Anon # 1, don't mind.

English is not my first language, so I so sorry if have a mistake.

Requests are open. Love you ❤️

Couple: Five Hargreeves / Fem! Reader.

Warnings: blood, mention of death, swearing, fluff too.

— — — — —

You remembered perfectly when you met Five Hargreeves, the commission's golden ball, The Handler's award-winning shamrock. If you closed your eyes, even after years, you could still smell the male cologne wafting in the air, and you could relive the same feeling in the pit of your stomach that you had when he looked at you with those obsedian eyes.

Five Hargreeves was gorgeous. Absurdly gorgeous. But absurdly arrogant, boastful, presumptuous and completely absent of any delicacy in relation to empathy and kindness. He was the type who would open the door for you to enter first, but who would be the first to make fun of your erroneous reasoning.

And that was why, at the time, when you were assigned to be his partner, you lived in conflict with what you really felt. It was a mixture of tantrum and physical attraction.

But unlike all the people around Five, when he spit fire at you with all the anger at his difficult temper, you didn't run. In fact, when it exploded the first time in front of you, you crossed your arms, arched an eyebrow and looked at him with boredom.

“Have you finished your show yet?” You said, as if you didn't care, leaning against the hood of the car while Five screamed through the 7 winds “Stop to imply with everything.”

Five had been your partner for a few months now and it became clearer each day that the irritation was mutual. He made it perfectly clear that you pissed him off until his last hair.

But, unlike you, it was for another reason.

Shit, you were a fucking goddess! Your beauty was notorious, but that was not all that caught his attention. You were smart, canny, brave, Five never saw you in fear of any situation or shaken by any scene of blood. You knew your goals and went after them. It was strong, decisive, and, goddamn, he loved it. You had a fist, you were firm, and you always made it very clear that you were no helpless maiden.

It felt like you had gotten out of his imagination, from the daydreams in which Five rambled about what kind of woman he admired. And, hell, you came with the full package. It was a combination of overwhelming beauty, intelligence, dexterity, and he never thought that someone like that could be real.

But of course you were. And now Five was completely irritated because you were real, and not just another his dream and daydream in which a sublime woman starred.

“To Imply?” Five turned to you, eyes on fire “To Imply?!”

“Like a 2-year-old who didn't take his afternoon nap. It's not the end of time, it doesn't have to be childish.”

Now Five felt himself ignite. He was a dry, rough fire and you were gasoline, igniting everything saw ahead.

Was that damn woman calling he a child?! You?! Just you, the person whose Five wanted to tie the bed and do all kinds of sinful things.

Oh hell no!

Five came forward, furious, like an angry god, his coal eyes never leaving your direction.

“Childish, isn't it?” He snarled “I'm going to show you the childish!”

Five held your face tightly in his hands and pressed your lips to his. Fierce, needy, set on fire, lost in half sentences of feelings about you. He slid his hands to the back of your neck, closing his fingers in your hair and invading your mouth with his tongue, letting you taste the caffeine, danger and lust he had.

You sighed, or Five, or both. You held him as close as he was, with the two of you being on the same mission: to conquer, to take, to possess. But Five had an extraordinary intensity, a magnitude that managed to win you

Then your touch became more docile, your kiss became submissive and you were surrendered. When Five walked away, not with his body, he still held you against him, but with his head, enough to look you in the eye, you sighed.

“I’ve dreamt about this.” You gave up your game, because you couldn't pretend anymore, and Five responded by kissing you again, this time tasting your whole mouth.

After that day, Five and you never came apart. You two were like a dynamic duo, crime partners in the morning and intense lovers at night.

But Five spent so much time with affection, love and caring being denied that when, on a night when work got the best of him, Five fell into the bed you shared in a Motel room, very close to your lap and you smiled sweetly and ran your fingers through his black hair, establishing the affection there, Five was catatonic.

His wild mind wanted to take it away and go, tell you to swallow those loving gestures and that he would never need them. That they were a nuisance, a distraction.

But his body and heart... well, they begged Five to stay another second. Just one more second enjoying that touch, the care, the importance that someone felt for him. He liked to be pampered, who knew.

So he ended up falling asleep with your touch and, after that day, Five realized that if his body and heart couldn't get any further from you, then no one would ever take you away from him. You would stay with him, until the end. As long as you wanted to stay.

And you wanted to. You wanted all the stages, all the moments, all the fights. You wanted Five, completely. And after some time like that, he said that you two were going to get married. It wasn't a request, it wasn't a speculation, it was a fact and that's it. You laughed, it was Five's style to be embarrassed about something and treat it more coarsely, just because he didn't know how to deal with the emotions he felt.

“Of course I do.” You reassured him by bringing your hands to his face, tracing affectionate circles on his cheek with your thumb.

“You would have no other option.” He grunted, not looking at you, trying to divert attention from his own racing heart.

You laughed and sealed the future of the two of you with a kiss.

After five years of making it official, Five said he had found a way for him to get home. And as he spoke, you noticed a flickering hesitation in his eyes. You knew, at that moment, that Five would leave it behind if there was a chance that you wouldn't want to go along. He promised to love you, in joy and sadness, in difficult times and in good times, and he never broke a promise.

Five Hargreeves would stay for you. In 1963, in 1988, in 2019, it didn't matter the season, the year. It wouldn't be worth anything if didn't have you by his side.

But, like him, it was logical that you would never abandon him, ever. So you went along. It was together in the murder in 1963, it was together at the time of the target, and it was together when he jumped in the portal. You were with Five when he reunited with his family, they all amazement by the 13 year old little brother who disappeared to reappear as a man of 25. On top of that accompanied by a girl.

But Five still couldn't administer his emotions properly, he still couldn't say that he missed his brothers and that being without his family had been terrible. His past contained many shipwrecks and he did not know how to open up about it. After so many years alone and then killing without any judgment, it was difficult to connect with emotions.

So, instead of saying everything that screamed inside him, after just some time with the siblings he took your hand and pulled you out, telling the Hargreeves that he would go after a decent coffee.

“I wish I could have talked to them better.” You grumble whit Five and he rolled his eyes.

“As if they were going to understand the things you were going to explain.” He murmured, covering the whole issue of the Commission and time jumps.

“This is not difficult to explain.” You raised your left hand, signaling the silver circle that hugged your finger.

Five laughed, sipping his coffee.

“You will be my wife forever, there is plenty of time for you to tell that.”

But as soon as Five's words had just left your lips, blowing in the air like fog, the door to the store opened, and you two didn't have to turn around to find out who they were. Years on the commission have earned you enough training to even recognize the sound of their footsteps.

The exchange of looks that Five and you gave was enough to know what each one was thinking and how they would act. That was your secret language, the superpower that you two shared. No words were needed to understand each one like the back of your hand.

You took a deep breath, while your fingers on your right hand steadied yourself on the coffee cup and Five on the knife. There was no waiting for speeches, exchanging words, you both knew that the Commission would send the best agents besides you, and Hazel and Cha-Cha were not known to be late at work.

Then the action started, Five turned and teleported with the knife, shoving it into the leg of one of the agents covered in rabbit masks. You didn't stay behind and swivel your chair around, throwing the sizzling coffee into the second's hands, causing him to drop the gun on the floor. You didn't wait to kick him in the chest, making him stagger backwards as you got up from the chair. You and Five were good, but so was Hazel and Cha-Cha, and you couldn't count on the powers to dodge physical attacks.

Everything was very fast indeed, windows were broken, punches were exchanged, blood was plucked. But when you looked to the side and saw who was probably Cha-Cha pushing Five against a broken glass stake, you understood why love at work was so dangerous. You understand completely. Because you've lost your focus. It took a thousandth of an instant for years of training and improvement to be thrown out the window. Only the possibility of Five getting hurt got you off track, and that was fatale.

The agent who fought with you took advantage of your distraction, reaching for the gun that was on the floor in that split second. And a shot reverberated through the place.

Suddenly, the world for Five stopped the axis. Everything was suspended, appalled, frozen. And in that very second, his body shivered from head to toe, as if misfortune had sighed in his neck. Five Hargreeves never feared anyone, even death itself. But as soon as he heard the sound of the shot, Five tasted death. Was rough, metallic and cruel, the blood drained from the body and the world released a dark and funeral note, sinking into a black sea.

Because fear is not the bullet hitting you, but someone you love.

Five turned back, eyes wide, hands shaking, and he didn't know what was beating faster: his fear or his heart.

He would remember that moment as the most cruel and frightening of his entire life, years in the apocalypse and killing had no comparison to the terror that was seeing your white shirt start to be stained with blood, the bullet hole marking your abdomen. You looked up at him, shocked, livid, and Five could see death perfectly, pulling the vitality out of your eyes.

He didn't think, he didn't reason, he just teleported himself to you, taking your body in his arms and teleported you two away from there. Five’s hands were shaking, a visceral pain snaking through his body and suffocating him with the worst sensation Five had ever felt in his life.

He took you both to the Hargreeves mansion in the blink of an eye, his powers failing when the blue flash left you both in the giant living room.

“Five!”

Maybe it was Luther's voice, or Klaus, or Diego, he didn't know. Everything was a distant echo, a note submerged in the water. Five saw or heard nothing but your body in his arms, your eyes closed and face frighteningly pale, his right hand, which was pressing on your wound, was already soaked in blood.

It was too much blood, the smell was overwhelming, and for the first time in a long time, Five Hargreeves was in despair.

Hands touched his shoulders, and Grace's voice was heard in the background. But he didn't want treatments, whatever the goddamn his wounds were going to be.

“Help her first!” Five shouted, his voice finding strength in the terror he felt. And also in fury.

The Handler would pay for that, and so would Hazel and Cha-Cha. And, by God, the whole world would pay if you never opened your eyes again.

“Right now.” Maybe it was Pogo “But, Five, are you…”

“No!” He ordered “She first!”

Then Grace's hands took you out of his arms and Five refused to leave you for even a second. He was beside you at the operating table, holding your hand, with him bloody fingers of your blood and the agent he had fought.

But Five didn't care about the himself state, the people around it, or anything. His eyes were focused on you, his face frozen in a livid expression.

And when Grace said that you would need a blood transfusion and Five barely let her finish speaking before rolling up the manga and extending his arm, the siblings Hargreeves and Pogo were shocked. What they saw in Five's eyes was not a man afraid of losing someone, but of losing the person he loved.

I shouldn't have come back. Was Five's first thought when the surgery ended well and you were still asleep. It was his fault that you almost died. And everything was buzzing in Five's head like a propellant.

“So…”

Klaus appeared in the kitchen, with the siblings, while Five was washing the blood from his hands, now calmer since you were alive.

“That was heavy.” Luther let out a little gasp, a kind of choked laugh.

“Aren't you going to tell us what happened?” Allison sat at the table.

“She almost died because of my decision, that's what happened.” Five replied, turning and picking up a cloth from the table, drying his hands.

“Five...” Allison made his eyes go towards his sister “Who is she, actually ?”

Five gave a bitter laugh. Who were you? How would he explain it?

You are everything. The reason wake up everyday was good, what made the summer breeze and the sun's rays warm, the reason why his world was still spinning.

Who were you? It was absolutely everything for Five.

“Someone very important.” His whispered escaped.

“So you're saying that girl is your girlfriend ?!" Luther looked at Five in shock, as if the possibility of him having a girlfriend was absurd.

“No.” Five looked at Luther with fire in his eyes, his voice hoarse “That girl is my wife!”

The room's breath evaporated, everyone was dumbfounded and bewildered. But Grace came in at that moment, saving Five from continuing that conversation.

“She woke up.” His mother's voice was soft, and Five dropped everything he was doing and disappeared into the blue flash.

The first thing he noticed when he entered that room was you sitting on the bed, your back against the headboard.

“Hey...” the smile you gave made Five's world spin again.

He didn't wait a second before walking up to you in quick steps, holding your face in his hands and sealing your lips in a desperate kiss, as if that could prove that everything was fine.

“I thought I lost you.” He whispered against your lips, hands shaking, thumbs stroking yours cheeks.

“Bad vase doesn't break early.” You joked and Five laughed softly, his forehead touching your. “Were you hurt?”

He denied it, still with you, as if letting you was impossible. Maybe it was.

“I got distracted, I'm sorry that we let them escape and...”

Five interrupted your sentence

“Sweetheart…” You stopped, bewitched by his tone of voice “You’re my entire world.”

Five wasn't calling Hazel and Cha-Cha right now. He would kill that entire Commission later. Later. Now the only thing that mattered was you.

“I shouldn't have broken our contracts with the commission. I shouldn't have put you in this.” He said “But ... but I am very selfish, and even though I knew it would be better to let you go back to the Commission, I cannot live without you...”

“Hey, I not go come back.” You held his hands that were on your face, looking at him with love "My place is with you.”

“I promise you that I will never let anyone else hurt you. Even if I have to kill every single person on this planet. ” Five guaranteed “There are no limits when it comes to you. I'll do anything to keep you safe. ”

You smiled, put your lips together in a passionate kiss and whispered:

“I only need you, my love. Forever.”

[fbwzoo]

I finally got all of my Crab Con orders!!! I haven't used anything yet bc I wanted to get a full pic of everything together.

Included most of the individual order pics as well, for close ups that are easier to see.

Pic 1 - full haul! Yes, I went overboard. I couldn't help it, we have an amazing seller group!

Pic 2 - EarthWaterFire Studio, Mary's store. Blue Mango is new, but everything else are reorders my crabs love. Plus some free samples! I couldn't add the pic, but I also got a couple beautiful dishes & some deer poop from her.

Pic 3 - Crab Cuisine Co, first time ordering! But I did win a free prize from her that the crabs loved. I got some cookies for enrichment toys, and some oils bc I need to get better at giving them more fat options in their diet. It's super important for molting! (Also, best free sticker)

Pic 4 - My Hungry Hermit, first time ordering. Got an awesome book that contains a ton of info on safe and unsafe foods, based on LHCOS's science-backed information. The shop owner is one of the people who have been helping with putting together a new database for the group! Also got burning bush leaves, bc crabs adore them for some reason, and a really cute mirror to add to their tank for enrichment.

Pic 5 - A Little Crabby Co-Op! Savanah is super sweet & did a really nice session on 3D printing during the Con. I'm finally gonna give my printer another try, with her help! This is why I love our seller group, everyone is super supportive. I got some "toe dipper" ramps for my pools, and shell opening measuring rings.

Pic 6 - South of the Ocean, first time ordering. They have some really neat foraged stuff, I hope some pheasant feathers & oak buds. Apparently their Better Than Leaf Litter is a huge hit with crabs too, so I'm excited to see what mine think. Also got a nice lichen heavy stick & some bunny poop!

Pic 7 - MT Pet Emporium, first time ordering. They have a lot of unique proteins and whole items that are great variety for enrichment. I'm excited to get one of the fish heads into my tank. 😂 The barnacles are bigger than I expected too, I haven't decided whether to put them on the sand or in my salt pool.

Pic 8 - BioactiveFX, one of my favorite stores!! Courtney has a degree in animal nutrition & is doing a lot of work to get proper foods available in multiple places for people to have access to. She really wants to get them into pet stores too someday. She also sells fantastic cholla & cork bark. I have a bunch of cork but got a flat with a bunch of lichens for my crabs to nibble on. Also got some moss, lichens, lotus seed pods (the enrichment possibilities!!!!), and stocked up on a bunch of dunaliella salina, an orange algae that my crabs think is the Best Thing Ever. Doesn't matter how big the pile is, it's gone in the morning. Also important to mention wild burro poop, which is new. Yes, I bought a lot of poop, okay, Hagrid is gross & loves it. 😂😂

Pic 9 - Just 2 Old Crabs, another favorite food shop! She cooks and dries all the stinky stuff so we don't have to! 😂 I already have a ton of her food and the crabs devour it. Excited to have a bunch of fresh stuff for them! I've been feeding a ton of last year's food to finish it up so I can set up all the fresh stuff I got this year. They're gonna eat so well!

Pic 10 - First time ordering from Hermit Grub, their foods look gorgeous! Excited to see what my crabs think. They have a VERY well stocked pantry now.

Not shown individually (pic limit) - Coenobita Curiosities, they sell the original curiosity cubes! There's multiple shops on etsy that have taken the idea from them, so make sure you buy from the right shop. They send their cubes out with delicious popcorn to use in them, a sure way to get your crabs checking out their new toy. I got a bridge as well, for my beach topper.

Not shown individually - I also got some Java moss & duckweed from Josh's Frogs, along with a couple bromeliads & a couple spider plants to try in the tank. I need to get them taken care of today, they're still waiting... 😬

[eponymous-rose]

A Critical Role Campaign 2 Mechanics Primer

Got a request from a new Critical Role viewer for some clarification re: rules and characters, and dang, yes, there’s so much stuff to deal with as a new viewer at the moment. So here’s an attempt at clarifying some stuff!

How does D&D work?

Fundamentally, one person (the DM) sets the scene and the players riff off that scene by acting out what their characters would do in response. Whenever a player’s actions would lead to an uncertain result, the DM can call for them to roll a die and try to hit a predetermined target number to see if they succeed. The players’ individual characters have abilities that boost certain categories of rolls and penalize others; a very strong character is more likely than a scrawny one to be able to open a jammed door, but they could still have an unlucky roll. It’s the DM’s job to incorporate the sometimes-absurd results of those die rolls into a coherent story.

Combat is the most “gamey” D&D gets, where everyone has a turn set aside to act (with an order determined by the “initiative” roll that starts combat). This is where character classes come in handy: magic-users cast spells, fighters jump in with their weapons of choice, and so forth. Each character has a set of hit points, and once those reach zero, the character is unconscious and possibly dying. But combat ain’t just hack-and-slash: there can be conversation, strategy, manipulation, collaboration, and all sorts of weird subtleties going on. Fundamentally, players’ actions are limited only by their imaginations.

It can be super weird getting into a D&D show even if you have played a bit because everyone plays the game a bit differently. Critical Role’s gameplay leans hard into roleplaying and character beats (there are episodes with basically no dice rolls) but also leans hard enough into the rules that a random bad or good roll can completely derail the story; rolls aren’t fudged or handwaved for the sake of a predetermined narrative, which means nobody playing (including the DM) knows how things are going to end up. This makes for a viewing experience that is a cross between dramedy improv and live sports; the cast plays out long scenes of conversation, but their characters could also permanently die at any time, adding to the high stakes. It’s also totally unedited, which accounts for the absurdly long runtime. 

If any of that isn’t for you, there are a lot of great D&D podcasts out there (often labeled “actual play”) that run the gamut from silly with minimal rules to mechanically involved but edited down. It’s a cool time to get into D&D!

Okay, so how exactly do these characters do their thing?

One of the more confusing aspects for new viewers of the second campaign of Critical Role is that they’re using a fair amount of content that’s not in the baseline ruleset - some character races and classes are coming from expansion content, and some are from Matt Mercer (the DM’s) homebrew. Here’s a quick summary of what each character has going on at the start of the campaign, moving from left to right in the first episode’s seating arrangement.

Fjord (played by Travis Willingham)

If you’re watching the show in video form, Travis is the big guy who looks like he could throw a football real far. If you’re listening to the podcast, his character voice has a Texas twang.

Fjord is a half-orc warlock. A half-orc typically has green skin and tusks but otherwise looks fairly close to a garden-variety human. Warlocks are magic-users who gained their abilities from a bargain with a mysterious (generally somewhat malevolent) being of great power. Mechanically, they rely a lot on what are called cantrips (spells that can be cast an unlimited number of times a day) since the number of more powerful spells at their disposal is very limited. However, unlike most other casters that have to get a full night’s sleep to regain their stronger spells, warlocks just have to rest for an hour or so and they’re good to go. More specifically, Fjord is a hexblade warlock. Hexblades are warlocks who have a particularly strong bond with their weapon of choice and can summon it from nothing.

Beauregard (played by Marisha Ray)

If you’re watching the show in video form, Marisha is the woman who often perches on her chair like she’s about to take flight. If you’re listening to the podcast, her character voice is a bit gruff with a sarcastic drawl.

Beau is a human monk. Both humans in this campaign use a variant version of human that allows them to pick a feat at the start of the campaign: Beau has some extra expertise in investigative and athletic abilities. Monks are preternaturally powerful martial artists; what some classes do with magic, they do with unarmed combat. Mechanically, they rely on an ability called ki points, which are a stockpile of points that can be used for extra-powerful abilities such as being able to hit extra times on an attack or being able to stun an enemy. More specifically, Beau is a Way of the Cobalt Soul monk, which is a homebrew from Matt and means she’s essentially a warrior-monk-librarian whose key abilities center around rooting out useful information.

Caleb (played by Liam O’Brien)

If you’re watching the show in video form, Liam is the guy who perpetually looks like he’s about to launch into a Shakespearean monologue. If you’re listening to the podcast, his character voice is soft with a German accent.

Caleb is a human wizard. His variant human feat gives him an eidetic memory and the ability to always know what time it is. Wizards are magic-users who got to where they are with careful study; Caleb has to keep track of his spells by transcribing them into a spellbook. He also has a familiar in the form of the cat Frumpkin, although Frumpkin can also change forms. Mechanically, wizards can pick up spells from a lot of different sources to learn them, but again, the cost in time and materials of transcribing them into a spellbook can be substantial. More specifically, Caleb is a transmutation wizard, which means his wizardry focuses around the act of transforming one thing into another.

Nott (played by Sam Riegel)

If you’re watching the show in video form, Sam is the guy with an alarmingly big smile and a comically oversized flask. If you’re listening to the podcast, his character voice is high-pitched with varying levels of Cockney accent.

Nott is a goblin rogue. Goblins are small and quick, and may or may not be well-received depending on the location. Rogues are sneaky individuals who do best when striking from the shadows or scouting ahead to investigate potential traps and unlock doors. Mechanically, they get a huge bonus in combat if they attack when unseen or when an opponent is distracted by an ally. They’re also very good at avoiding attacks and at hiding from view. More specifically, Nott is an arcane trickster rogue, which means she also dabbles in magic related to illusions and enchantment.

Jester (played by Laura Bailey)

If you’re watching the show in video form, Laura is the one who may or may not be instigating every round of giggles at accidental innuendo. If you’re listening to the podcast, her character voice is bubbly with an Eastern European accent.

Jester is a tiefling cleric. Tieflings essentially look like brightly-colored humans (Jester has blue skin) with horns and a tail; they’re the result of infernal ancestry and also may or may not be well-received. Clerics are magic-users who derive their power from the blessing of a deity or other extremely powerful entity. Jester’s divine patron is the Traveler, a mysterious trickster with an affinity for phallic graffiti. Mechanically, clerics have a massive stable of spells from which they can choose a subset every morning; their abilities range from healing wounds to causing devastating harm. More specifically, Jester is a trickery domain cleric, which means her spells have a strong focus on illusions and pranks.

Mollymauk (played by Taliesin Jaffe)

If you’re watching the show in video form, Taliesin is the one who looks like he may be some sort of ancient fey creature who’s come to our realm to play D&D. If you’re listening to the podcast, his character voice has an Irish accent of varying intensity.

Molly is a tiefling blood hunter with purple skin. Blood hunters are a custom class Matt created that can use their own blood (in a process called hemocraft) to augment their combat abilities. Mechanically, blood hunters are high-risk high-reward; they can perform devastatingly brutal attacks, but often only at the cost of shedding some of their own blood to do so. More specifically, Molly is an Order of the Ghostslayer blood hunter, which means he’s got an affinity for things relating to the moment of death.

Yasha (played by Ashley Johnson)

If you’re watching the show in video form, Ashley is the one who isn’t around for a little bit (she was splitting her time with a TV show on the opposite coast) and then SHE’S BACK AND I’M STILL SO HAPPY ABOUT THAT. If you’re listening to the podcast, her character voice is soft with a faint Scandinavian accent.

Yasha is an aasimar barbarian. Aasimar are the semi-divine counterpart to tieflings, although Yasha is a fallen aasimar with a fairly different aesthetic. Barbarians use their rage to enhance their already fierce battle prowess. Mechanically, barbarians in a rage take less damage and deal more damage, and also embrace a high-risk high-reward playstyle as tanks in the middle of the fray. More specifically, Yasha is a Path of the Zealot barbarian, which means her battle rages are fueled by the influence of a divine being.

Interested in watching from the start of campaign 2? The show has a YouTube channel with each episode posted in its entirety, and all episodes are also available in podcast form (they did jump channels partway through, but you can usually find a playlist that has them all). If you want to delve into campaign 1, I highly recommend it, but be aware that they’re still figuring out tech stuff and you’re also jumping in partway through the game they started years earlier at home. Campaign 2 starts 20 years after campaign 1 on a different continent of the same world, and is intended to be an appropriate jumping-on point for new viewers.

Interested in catching up faster so you can watch live with friends? Search Critical Recap for a series of recap videos on YouTube, which then becomes a series of written summaries on the CritRole website after episode 88. There are also great summaries on the Wiki, and many people have put together catch-up guides for new viewers. 

There’s A LOT of content out there. Don’t let anyone make you feel bad for skimming the early stuff if you want to get in on the new episodes sooner. <3

Episodes air at 7 PM Pacific every Thursday on Critical Role’s Twitch and YouTube channels; the VOD goes up for free on YouTube the Monday after. In the last few months, the cast has been distanced at the studio (all on separate cameras) and episodes have been pre-recorded several weeks in advance; normally, the show is streamed live and everyone is around the same table.

Hope that helps! If you have any questions, let me know. This is a fun show to get into, and a great all-consuming massive body of entertainment if you have the time for it.

[elysiadjarin]

Sword and Shield

Part 1: https://elysiadjarin.tumblr.com/post/652827986465275904/sword-and-shield

Tags: Bad Batch x reader (you), fem!coded, poly!relationship, multi-part series, nonhuman!reader, Echo later on.

Warnings: Only some mentions of war, otherwise have at it!

2: Familiarity

You took in a deep breath, then slipped off your bag and set it down on the ground. Turning, you looked pleadingly to Rex, who decided to help you out behind his hidden smirk.

He held out his hand to you. “Permission to Transfer?” he asked the initial question to begin the Transference.

You took his hand readily. “Transfer Granted,” you said quietly, feeling that familiar tightness in your gut as the process began.

“Blaster,” Rex’s voice became a sharp command.

Almost without thinking, used to the process, you allowed the sensation of your cells shifting to complete their movement. With an odd sort of sucking sensation, you closed your eyes and Transferred.

Startled noises made you open your eyes to note your point of view from right above the blaster now held in Rex’s hand. The Transference had been completed successfully. Rex spun the blaster, using the Bond you’d forged between you and him to request a switch of weapons. You morphed the weapon in his hands into an IWS, hefting it in his hands. Another request as he swung his arm behind him, feet shifting in practiced movements to reveal that you’d Shifted into a giant scythe. One more request, and Rex straightened to hold out a Vibro-shiv in his hand.

“Hence why she’s called Shiv,” Rex remarked somewhat dryly, flipping the shiv in his hands.

You let a silhouette of your head, shoulders, arms, and torso materialize over Rex’s shoulder. It was a method of easy communication with others and a way to reveal your presence a little more visibly than just through a mental Bond with a Handler.

Rex nodded at you. “Bond Dissolution,” he said, allowing you to begin the Dissolution of the Transference. He tossed the Shiv, allowing your body to replace the weapon before it even hit the floor.

You shook your head a little to reorient yourself. Reaching down, you picked your bag back up. “I’ve been working with Commander Rex and the 501st for a while, but it’s a bit difficult to work with a large force and manage being passed from one person to another. Being a living weapon requires not only an intimidate knowledge of the weapons themselves but also a close working relationship with a tight-knit group in order to cater to their own individual strengths and preferences,” you explained, reaching up to rub your eye briefly. Your vision always felt a bit... off, after a Transference.

“She’s been stretched thin trying to understand and learn the fighting patterns and preferences of the entire 501st, and limiting her usage to just a few isn’t exactly the best scenario for an entire squadron’s unity,” Rex said, picking up your thread. “I thought putting her in an already-established, smaller, special-forces group would perhaps be best for increasing her effectiveness and bringing her to her best. It’s a commitment, but I’d appreciate it if you gave it a try.”

“Whoa, that’s super cool!” The large one bellowed, giving you an exhilarated grin.

A little startled, you gave him a shy smile. “Th-thanks.”

The others seemed to glance at each other almost in a non-verbal conversation, but seemed to come to a pretty swift agreement. The tattooed one turned to Rex.

“Since you’re recommending it, Commander, I suppose we’ll give it a go. Our next mission has been assigned tomorrow morning, so if she decides to join, she’ll have to probably move into the ship tonight.” He glanced at you.

Rex nodded. “Thank you for giving it a try. What do you think, Shiv?” He turned to you.

You nodded. “Of course, Commander,” you murmured, stomach flipping a little. After so long, it was actually happening. You were going to be transferred to a special ops group.

Rex nodded, seemingly satisfied. “Go and pack your things, Shiv. I’ll get the transfer settled and let the General know.”

You nodded, then turned to the group. “Um, should I just come back here? It shouldn’t take me long to pack,” you asked timidly.

The leader nodded at you. “We’ll be right here. I’m Sergeant Hunter, if you need to ask for me.”

“Oh, right! Name’s Wrecker!” The burly guy said with a wave.

You had to smile, waving back.

“I’m Tech,” the one with glasses introduced, adjusting his goggles.

“Crosshair,” the white-haired one grunted, seemingly disinterested in the whole affair. Though, he did glance at you.

“Thank you. I’ll be back,” you promised, looking to Rex.

He dismissed you with a nod, and you headed back to your bunk.

Sinking down onto the bunk, you stared down at your trembling fingers. You hadn’t even realized how nervous you’d really been until it was all said and done. Shaking your head, you dropped your head into your hands and tried to work through the muck of feelings that stuck in your chest.

You were... scared. Excited. Apprehensive. Curious. Nervous. Glad. Sad.

“Yo Shiv- hey, what’s wrong?”

You started, looking up to see Fives and Kix approaching your bunk. You gave them a bit of a sad smile, looking down at your hands now clasped in your lap.

“It’s... it’s finally happened,” you whispered, trying to wrap your own mind around it.

“Happened? Wha-“ Kix paused, eyes widening. “Wait, are you getting transferred?”

You nodded shakily. “Y-yeah.”

Fives slung his arm around your shoulders. “Well. Congrats, Shivvie!” he tried to cheer, but it came out a bit sadly.

You smiled up at both of them. “I’m gonna miss you guys, you know,” you said with a light laugh.

Kix sighed. “We’re gonna miss you too, Shiv. But I’m guessing that since this opportunity is one that you’re taking, so it must be good, right?”

You nodded slowly. “Yeah... yeah, it’s... it’s a good one,” you admitted. “I’m- I’m joining Clone Force 99.”

“Whoa,” Fives blurted. “You’re joining the Bad Batch? That’s great for you, Shiv! I heard they’re weird but pretty good at what they do,” he said, clearly impressed. “I mean, Commander Rex helped create that force.”

You nodded. “Yeah. I...” Still, you had to let your shoulders slump a little. “I... I hope it goes well.”

“You’re gonna knock em dead, Shiv,” Kix encouraged, patting your shoulder. “We’re gonna miss you, but you have our commlinks. Come and get drinks with us at the 79s whenever you stop by for a break or something.”

You nodded, smiling up at both of them. You’d miss their company, no matter what happened. Kix and Fives had really been your pillars of support throughout your time with the 501st, and you’d really supported each other through... well, the Battle of Lola Sayu.

With a sigh, you looked around. “I have to pack. I have to get to the ship by tonight.”

“We’ll help you out,” Fives offered immediately, standing.

You shook your head at him. “Thanks, but... you mind just telling the others I’d like to say bye? If they’re around? I kinda... I need some headspace,” you admitted.

Kix nodded, grabbing Fives’ arm to keep him from protesting. “Got it, Shiv. We’ll send ‘em over. Good luck!”

You waved, biting back tears as you tried to smile.

New beginnings, after all, usually meant leaving something behind.

~

Taking a breath, you headed into Hangar Bay Six again. You’d said goodbye to the rest of the 501st, promising to keep in touch when possible and wishing them the best of luck. They’d been sad to see you go, but they’d all been encouraging and hopeful.

After all, you reflected, they were the ones who knew the difficulties you all faced working together. They’d seen how thin you’d been spread trying to accommodate and learn to work intimately with all of them.

Walking up to the Havoc Marauder, you headed up the ramp with your bags. “Hello?” you called uncertainly at the mouth of the ship, not wanting to just barge in.

Hunter rounded the corner, nodding to you. “Welcome aboard. Your quarters are just down here,” he said, heading down the corridor.

You followed him, glancing around at the ship in order to get familiar with the layout. It was a pretty standard ship by all accounts, so you figured you wouldn’t find it too hard to learn where things were. You followed as he ducked into a room, the door sliding open.

The room itself wasn’t too bad, a bit small but that was to be expected. In all honesty, you wouldn’t have been surprised if they’d asked you to share quarters, so it slightly surprised you that they gave you your own personal quarter. A small fresher was tucked into the corner, though it only had a sink and a toilet.

“The showers are down the hall, they’re shared.” Hunter jerked his thumb over his shoulder.

You just smiled, setting your bags down on the bunk. “Thank you. I honestly kinda expected having to share quarters. This is really nice,” you said honestly.

He blinked at you. “You shared bunks with the 501st?”

You tilted your head. “Yeah?”

He shook his head, but didn’t say anything else. “Feel free to get comfortable. You can look around the ship and get used to it whenever you want. The galley is on the other side of the ship, and everyone’s quarters are on this side.”

You nodded, belatedly realizing that he didn’t even stop to see your reaction before ducking back through the door and walking off. With a glance around, you decided to unpack. This would be your home for a while, after all. Might as well make the best of it.

~

After looking around the ship and getting familiar with it, you found yourself wandering into what seemed to be a common, shared space. You’d taken your mug to the galley and made some caf, stowing away some of your own tea paraphernalia in an empty shelf out of the way.

Tech sat in the room, going through datapads in his own corner. He looked up, observing you through his goggles with a blink.

You gave him a hesitant smile. “Um, do you mind if I sit?”

He blinked, then nodded. “Oh, sure. Anyone can come in here, it’s a common room,” he said, motioning to the seats that were scattered around. “Oh, uh... Hunter said to give you the rundown, by the way.”

You crossed the room, sitting in a chair close to him. “Rundown?” you asked, setting your mug down.

He handed you a datapad. “This is the data I’ve gathered and compiled about Force 99. I thought it might be useful to you since you said you need to work closely with a group, and I’ve been meaning to create a profile for a while now anyway so it was a good excuse,” he seemed to be babbling a bit, reaching up to adjust his goggles and avoiding direct eye contact with you.

You glanced down at the display screen to see Hunter’s name at the top, a chunk of material following it.

Tech was still rambling on, fiddling with another datapad. “I mean, I know we’re also supposed to get to know you, but I guessed that letting you know about all of our desired mutations and details about our weapons preferences might be a good way to start, you know? Since you also said you’re a weapons expert, I mean. I added some footage of our missions as well for reference and all, since I tend to record most of them.”

You smiled, deciding to cut in and stop his nervous rambling. “Thank you so much, Tech. Oh, is it okay if I call you that?”

He blinked, looking at you briefly. “Oh, sure. I mean, it’s my name. Uh, what should I-?”

You laughed a little, tucking your feet up onto the chair. “You can either call me (Name) or Shiv, I like and answer to both.” You pulled out your own datapad. “Do you mind if I transfer this data to my own pad? That way I can make notes without stealing yours.”

He nodded. “Oh, sure, of course. The information was compiled for you, anyway.”

“Thank you, Tech,” you said again, touched that he’d gone that far. “I appreciate it, a lot. It’ll really help me try to integrate myself in the best way.” You gave him a smile.

He hesitantly nodded, taking back the datapad from you after you’d finished transferring the files.

You quickly lost yourself in the wealth of information, making notes and highlighting some key characteristics that you noted in the files. Tech had really done an immaculate job, considering that you’d been an unexpected arrival and addition to the group. As you continued learning more about the group, you began to understand why they were nicknamed the “Bad Batch” by the others. It barely irked you, though you knew that the premise of the whole name was rather... derogatory.

You’d already been treated much like a clone for most of your life, anyway. You’d been born a weapon, a tool, nothing but cannon fodder ever since this war had even started. Here you were, at twenty-something years old, and all you remembered was a life of surviving, living, fighting, and forcing yourself to be a tool.

The clones had welcomed you in, had given you a sense of camaraderie, understanding, and family. You’d found a sense of purpose despite your status as an outcast. And the more you read about the Bad Batch, the more you found yourself understanding why Rex might have specifically considered this particular group to assign you to.

You completely lost track of time, going over the information and committing it to memory, taking time to make meticulous notes about their weaponry. You only stopped once you’d gone through the written information, turning to Tech.

“Excuse me, Tech.”

Starting, he looked up at you owlishly as though he’d forgotten you even existed in the same room. “Oh- y-yes?”

“Is there a holodeck I can link to? So I can get a closer analysis of the footage?” you asked, motioning to the datapad.

“Oh, right!” He shuffled over to the other side of the room, grabbed a holoscreen, and handed it over. “Here you go.”

“Thanks.” You gave him a fleeting smile, then hooked up the datapad to the holoscreen display. Putting the footage on complete mute, you began to scrutinize it frame by frame, expanding some scenes and rotating the screens to get a different vantage point. You did notice that sometimes it was harder to catch Crosshair’s movements since he was, after all, a sniper, but you did manage to isolate quite a few moments of his meticulous shots and get a bead on his location and vantage points.

You were so immersed in examining the footage, highlighting reels, and going through your well-versed motions that the feeling of someone tapping your shoulder well and truly took you off-guard. You instantly froze, eyes narrowing as your awareness instantly honed in on your surroundings. It only took half a second to recall where exactly you were, and you shook yourself with a sharp inhale.

You turned to the person who had tapped you. “Sorry-“

Hunter observed you with a piercing look. “Why did you freeze?” He demanded.

You blinked, mouth opening, scrambling for an answer. “Um- I lost track of my surroundings and had to regroup myself, Sergeant,” you found yourself answering almost mechanically, the tone of his voice forcing an answer from your conditioned mind.

“Why would you freeze? Why wouldn’t you immediately react in order to assess a threat?” Hunter asked ruthlessly, crossing his arms.

The question felt oddly familiar. It didn’t take much for you to find an answer. “As a weapon, sir, my first reactions are necessarily different from most other people,” you said quietly, heart pounding in your chest. It didn’t help that you now knew that his enhanced senses most likely heard it. “If I were to immediately react, I would end up thoughtlessly killing the person or object that had surprised me.” You swallowed, looking down at your feet. “I learned my mistakes the hard way, by completely destroying everything and everyone within five meters of me.”

A silence fell in the room, while you ruthlessly tried to push away the memories that loomed at the edge of your mind.

Hunter finally spoke. “Understood.” He cleared his throat. “I... apologize.”

You looked up, eyes widening. “N-no need to apologize, Sergeant. You should know, especially since I-I’m supposed to be working with you.”

He nodded, then glanced behind you at the frozen footage. “I see that Tech has given you the files he compiled.”

You started, then turned around and scooped up the datapad. “Yes sir, I’ve been going over the information and trying to compile all the necessary information I can before the- the mission tomorrow,” you explained hurriedly.

He nodded. “I appreciate the dedication. You’ve been here for four chrons. You might want to get some food.”

You stared down at the clock on the datapad, realizing that it really had been hours since you started. Reaching up, you dragged a hand through your hair a little ruefully.

“Thank you.” You gave Hunter a sheepish smile. “I probably should. I tend to... get lost in my work.”

He nodded, then wordlessly stepped back out of the room.

Tech glanced at you, still working on his own stuff.

You sighed and set down the datapad, turning to Tech. “I should go get myself something to eat. Can I bring you something, Tech?” you offered.

He looked up at you. “Oh- that’s- I mean, you don’t have to, I-“

You just quirked him a smile. “You’ve been here the whole time, too. I’ll go get us both something to eat.” Giving him a wave, you headed out to go find the galley and something to eat.

You poked around the available ingredients in the galley before deciding on a quick but filling dish, whipping up enough for everyone. Hesitating after you finished cleaning up, you decided to at least try. Leaving two portions on the counter, you grabbed scrap paper and scribbled Crosshair’s and Wrecker’s names on them. Leaving them for the other two to find, you grabbed the other three portions and headed back to the common room.

Setting down the bowls, you handed one to Tech. “Nothing fancy, but it should go down easy,” you laughed a little.

He took it, surprise flickering over his face. “Th-thanks.”

You nodded, then grabbed another portion. “I’ll be right back.” Leaving your own bowl on the table, you went to go find Hunter. You found him in the cockpit after ten minutes of searching, making him look up as you approached the doorway.

You gave him a hesitant smile, holding out the bowl. “Um, maybe you’ve already eaten but... I made some for everyone, if you’re... hungry,” you said, trailing off and starting to second-guess yourself. What if he didn’t like that kind of food, or thought you had some sort of ulterior motive? What if-

But after staring at your for half a minute, he got up and approached, almost gingerly taking the bowl from you. “Thanks,” he said.

You nodded and skittered away, barely waiting to see his response or hear anything else. Mortified, you paused in the hallway and clapped your hands to your cheeks, shaking yourself. It was fine. You didn’t have to be thatnervous, honestly. It wasn’t like you’d done something ridiculous, just offered him some food is all. It was normal. Completely normal. Right?

You decided to return to your spot and drown your embarrassment in your research again. After all, you did have good motivation. Tomorrow morning would be your first mission.

[olderthannetfic]

Ah, I do see your points, anon. I'm not going to post all your asks publicly because if you really feel that unsafe, it's probably best not to have a bigass chunk of your text for people to analyze and try to guess your identity from. I think one of the best points you made is about how close to home it hits when the non-fave is not only your fave but is similar to you in some way like demographic. You're not wrong for having those emotions. I do wonder if they make it hard to see how some other people feel similarly embattled on other axes.

TBH, I think one of the big problems here is that the large aggregate patterns you're talking about are racist, but most individual fics and fans are not really the problem. It's hard to know how to talk about this or who to tell to "fix" it when we're looking at free, hobbyist art.

A lot of people's tastes are certainly formed by shitty society, but once they're formed, they don't change fast if at all. Asking someone to rewrite their libido is a big ask, yet tumblr does it all the time as though it's as simple as snapping your fingers.

This leaves me with the sense that a lot of tumblr is... like... the political lesbians of porn fic or something: desire is not real, only choosing based on logic and politics. Or maybe people are so asexual that they just don't understand the lizard brain's "YES!" at some porn things and complete indifference to others?

I don't think it's great if great swaths of people feel like bottom!Nicky is super hot and top!Nicky fundamentally isn't, but I also don't think they can necessarily just turn it off like flipping a switch.

(If someone reading this doesn't like their current tastes and wants to attempt to alter them, I do think it's possible. What you should do is line up a large slate of media that prominently features characters of the ethnicity or whatever that you don't find hot/interesting. These should be leads whose emotional development drives the plot and is supposed to be central to the audience's enjoyment of the media. Watch/read/etc. this media all the time. All. The. Time. Try out many pieces because you won't like every character or every show, and we're looking for genuine enjoyment, not the fandom equivalent of a pity fuck. Spend enough time on this, and your unconscious sense of who's hot and interesting will eventually shift somewhat. This is a project you should expect to take a few years.)

But I digress.

The one tweet thing is a very toxic pattern. If TOG fandom is doing that, guys, please try to be more conscious of holding the actors of color to a higher standard (or the women or whomever). I know this often comes from a place of paying more attention to our own and wanting to set a good standard, but the effect is that minorities can't fuck up ever while white dudes get infinite passes.

Okay, on to the fic thing... Gotta say, my instant reaction to that description is "Ooh!"--as it would be for the same scenario with the characters reversed. (Ships who start out trying to kill each other are my favorite! x1000 if they're resurrecting style immortals and they literally do.) I can see how it would feel like slamming into a brick wall if you aren't kinky in just the right way and you didn't know it was coming though.

Part of why I react so strongly to a lot of discourse that runs along these lines is that I am a naturally extremely kinky person. It's not so much about what I do (which as a deeply lazy person in a long distance relationship is essentially nothing), but it's absolutely how I'm wired.

And I can tell you that my quotidian experience in fandom is sharing something I don't even realize is a big deal only to have someone I like, respect, and trust react in horror and tell me that it's triggering and awful and should not be allowed in fandom spaces because it makes "people" unsafe. It's such an instant, kneejerk reaction they don't even realize I was sharing it because it spoke to the very core of me. Lesson learned, friend. Lesson learned.

That sounds a bit off topic, I know, but bear with me: The point of that anecdote is that it's pretty common for me to get people trying to raise my awareness of things I have already thought deeply about while denying my essential humanity and not even realizing. As a kinky person who likes to make my fave the top (and generally a conflicted sadist), this constant request to explain and justify is exhausting.

I doubt most of the top!Joe fans have this precise problem simply because people who make their fave the top are much less common in fandom than people who make their fave the bottom, but I see a similar pattern with fans who are just fundamentally wired for rape fantasies (one of the most common fantasies that exists) vs. fans who just don't get rape fantasies at all. Or substitute your BDSM/kinky/messed up fantasy trope of choice. Covertly radical feminist attitudes towards kink and power are on the rise in fandom, and as a naturally kinky person, boy do I notice it!

I know that it feels like crucial activism to share these insights about why the ratio of top!Joe is hurtful, and the pain you feel is real. But it's also the case that it's a big ask to want people to listen. (Not me. Obviously, I routinely choose to engage with discourse. I mean overall.) The reason for that is that you're only seeing a fraction of what they do or who they are, and you don't know how many previous people they've listened to how many previous times. It's a very different situation from someone whose job is making some major TV series or movie or something. That person does, in my opinion, owe you some amount of listening.

Now, I'm not saying no top Joe fan was ever a jerk. I'll bet they were. There's a tendency to be rude and to publicly air your schadenfreude when you feel like everyone has been yelling at you. What I am saying is that a lot of the problem here boils down to conflicting needs, and that means there isn't a good solution. It's a situation where people are genuinely hurt, but I don't necessarily agree that other people have harmed them.

I like that you did an actual count of the explicit fics, btw. It's good to look at the real numbers. I see too little of that in these situations. My off the cuff reaction is that 2/3 to 1/3 is not a bad ratio at all compared to many fandoms, but yeah, it definitely shows a strong trend, and that can be painful. (I have a fandom where I think there's maybe like 1 bottom so-and-so fic in the entire zine era fandom. One. It's pretty extreme.)

I guess my thinking here overall is: What is the practical solution? What are we hoping to gain? What is reasonable to ask of people?

And it can't be "Well, if they would just listen..." That's just a sneaky way of saying "If you haven't done it my way, it's because you haven't listened to me yet."

So the question I would ask of people is this:

What does a non-racist fic where Joe tops look like?

What does a non-racist sex pollen, dubcon, or even noncon fic where Joe tops look like?

And if you say the latter is impossible... well... sadists exist everywhere in the world. So do doms. So do people who prefer to top in a purely physical sense. People with rape fantasies where they're the rapist exist (people who are not actually rapists, I mean). None of this is restricted to any one group. We can't categorically say fic like that about Joe is coming from a place of racism without denying the fundamental humanity of kinky MENA people who'd want to make Joe like themselves or like their ideal partner. (Yes, I agree this won't be the majority of fic writers writing top!Joe, but this is a place to start for figuring out what the better version would look like.)

IDK, maybe you're that kinkster yourself, but your asks gave me the vibe that you don't really get the drive towards those darker kinds of fics and what might be motivating it besides stereotypes and shittiness.

If we can answer these kinds of questions, we can better critique the way people write what they write without telling them all of their taste is bad and they should just stop writing. Even if we think the latter is true, it isn't going to get us anywhere. Figuring out how to make Joe more multidimensional in the fic they already want to write or finding very specific wording that should be avoided might actually work.

Beyond that, the actions I think are productive would be running prompt fests, exchanges, or other events for bottom!Joe or for top!Joe where he's the main character and the fics are required to be from his POV. Themed collections and recs lists are great. (I've seen a bit of this going around in TOG fandom in the past, and that's an excellent approach! Keep it up!) Positive actions tend to work better here. Make more of what you want. Promote what you want to see.

I don't mean this in some fluffy magical thinking way: you aren't going to change that ratio radically just by the power of positivity. But I've seen this kind of thing play out in many, many fandoms, and going after the people who write what you don't like, even in a well-intentioned effort to educate and even in a polite, kind way doesn't do much. A few people feel guilty. A few feel defensive. A lot ignore you. The overall fic doesn't change. It's not a good use of your limited time and energy.

I'm off to look up that fic to see what I think of it in practice, but I'm going to post this before tumblr manages to eat it.

[thefanficmonster]

Just Another One

Sequel to: ‘A Little Bit Of Honesty’

Corpse Husband x Actress!Reader (Female)

Warnings: Angst, Heartbreak, Mention of bad past relationships, Swearing

Genre: Angst, Romance, RPF (Real Person Fic)

Summary: They keep proving each other right in the most wrong ways possible. They each want to be guarded even if that means the other will be hurt. Maybe that’s what they want - to hurt one another because they’ve already hurt each other once before.

Requested by the lovely readers who enjoyed the previous fic ‘A Little Bit Of Honesty’. Sorry for the large time gap between the posting of the two fics but I still hope you guys will take the time to read it and if so I hope you enjoy it! Love you all with all my heart, Vy ❤

When you go out of your way to avoid leaving the house your options of entertainment are severely limited and you can’t blame anyone or anything but yourself for it. Today, I wouldn’t have gone out of my apartment even if I was one of those people who frequent the outdoors seeing as how the sky is trying to flood the Earth with all this nonstop rain. It does set a mood for a perfect night in but when you spend all your nights in doing the same thing over and over again, the atmosphere is practically meaningless. And so I ‘ve decided to resort to channel surfing as though I’ll find something interesting on TV that I haven’t yet seen on one of my social media timelines.

I pass several cooking channels on my journey, making a mental note of their individual numbers in case I don’t stumble across anything capable of better distracting me from my boredom and loneliness that’s slowly starting to creep in. I pass by a few movie channels showing teenage romcoms as if to celebrate the start of summer so you can imagine how quickly I moved on from those. Then come the celebrity channels which can often get a laugh out of me because of how pathetic and unbelievably ridiculous they are. And so, I stick around one where there’s a broadcast on a movie showing that’s happening tonight in LA. Oddly enough, despite my anxiety, going to a movie showing has always been on my list of things I’d want to do. This can be considered living vicariously or rubbing salt into the wound that I’ll probably never go because my anxiety and fear of being recognized is too severe. Either way I stick around to watch it.

And man do I regret it now looking at several different angels of a couple of actors entering the venue where they are to be photographed and asked questions by the mob of paparazzi that’s gathered due to the massive event. That in and of itself doesn’t sound - and really isn’t - so bad. However, it’s important to note that the actress in this duo is Y/N. Y/N L/N. My Y/N....shit, sorry, I mean my FRIEND Y/N, her arm linked with whatever-the-fuck-his-name-is who is holding an umbrella above the both of them, shielding them from the downpour of rain that is also taking place in LA apparently.

“The two were seen entering the venue earlier this evening, looking particularly cozy in each other’s presence if I do say so myself. The rain probably worked nicely in their favor.“ The first reporter says, her teasing tone of voice sending chills of anger down my spine as I glare at the screen, hands balled in fists, jaw clenched - all my body’s instinctive reactions to what is being shown to me. I know I technically have no right to behave or feel this way, in fact I should be fucking happy for Y/N and her successful career and the progress in her love life. But damn it how can I?! I was so damn close to kissing this girl! I was so fucking close to falling in another trap, tripping and landing in the embrace of another liar and user, another girl who switches partners more often than shoes. How could I’ve been so reckless to get so close to her even platonically? How did we become close enough for me to 1) show her my face; 2) start inviting her over to my apartment regularly; and how didn’t I notice the kind of messed up person she was all that time.

She was all sweet and flirting and shit a week or so ago and now she’s doing the exact same thing with him! The cameras are capturing them perfectly: every laugh, every exchange of a knowing look or nod, ever smack to his arm when he tells a joke. But what bothers me most is the many times he’s wrapped his arm around her to pull her closer. Not just for pictures, but just because the fucker felt like it! And Y/N doesn’t seem to mind it at all. 

“They have been the talk of the town recently, so while they could just be adding fuel to the fire, they could also have been caught by the flame and ‘caught feelings’ as they say. Regardless these two are a view we’d like to see more often.“ The other reporter says and that’s the final straw.

In one swift motion I turn the TV off and throw the remote across the room. It hits the wall and falls to the ground in several pieces, broken by the force of the impact. Just like I am broken by the force of the impact of these news. I don’t know which is worse: the fact that I fell for her and almost let her know it; the fact that she’s just another member of the club I don’t want anywhere near my life; or the fact that I can’t believe it.

Yeah that’s right - one foolish part of me refuses to believe that’s she’d do such a thing. I think that’s the same part which is still in awe of her so you can bet I ignore that part the majority of the time.

She is just another one. Not the one. Having been hurt before doesn’t mean she won’t hurt me or anyone else she’s gonna be with. Hurt people hurt people.

And damn has she hurt me, probably without knowing a damn thing. How selfish can you be, Y/N? How selfish can you really get? And how much am I going to allow you to hurt me?

                                                             *  *  *

“Thank you so much, Andrew. I would’ve died on the spot of anxiety if I was on my own.“ I say to my best friend who is currently sitting next to me on a park bench, in a tux, eating a cheeseburger. I too am still in my gown and am also gorging on a cheeseburger of my own.

“Don’t mention it. Us anxious people need to stick together.“ He bumps his shoulder against mine, stealing a small genuine smile from me, “Plus I couldn’t not come with you. You know how much I like a good rumor.“

I scoff, “Of course you do, but then again there was no need to add to what the media has already made a whole-ass ship out of.” I roll my eyes and take another bite. My appetite hasn’t been in its best condition so I’m only eating this under Andrew’s orders. I have no idea how people can ship us romantically, he’s the definition of an older - and very bossy - brother to me. I wish I could tell each and every single one of those girls who hate me because I’ve ‘stolen their man’ that I’d most likely be their sister in law rather than man snatcher, seeing as how my relationship with Andrew is so sibling-like.

That’s because we’re too alike, no one gets that. People play the ‘opposites attract’ car more often than I consider rational. But  then again when they see a couple like Andrew and I - who are basically the same person in different bodies - they suddenly think we’re super compatible. Trust me, we’re not. And everyone who’s been on set with us will tell you the same.

“What can I say...“ he shrugs, smirking at me, “I like the fun. I bet Becca doesn’t though.“

I can’t help but huff. Andrew is the only one I’ve ever openly expressed my frustrations with Rebecca to. He was super helpful on the subject, seeing as how he can relate - many partners of his have tried to use him, some of which even succeeded. He’s more than qualified to school me on the topic but it turned more into sharing bad experiences. One of which was that instance back at Corpse’s apartment.

“And neither does Corpse I suppose.“ As though he’s read my mind, he pokes the hurt spot, pouring salt in the wound causing me to visibly cringe as though the pain was physical - because it was, I felt it in my chest and in my gut, a sharp stab of guilt and regret. 

Why did I let it come to that? Why did I let us get so close? How did I not think of the consequences?

“I don’t care if he does or doesn’t.“ My hand automatically reaches for the pocket of the jeans I’m not even wearing in search of a cigarette. Not that I’d be able to light one even if I had them on me - Andrew would smack it out of my hand before I could even take a single puff.

He has the audacity to laugh, “You’re such a bad liar, Y/N.”

That’s all he needs to say really - that’s enough to make me feel seen and understood. Though that’s not always a good thing. I often times wish he couldn’t read me so well. Better said: I wish I didn’t let myself be so readable, you know. I’m just glad he’s the one who sees me because if it were anyone else they’d use this vulnerability of mine against me. I’m well aware that it’s a weakness, a really inconvenient one, but damn it I can’t get rid of it. I feel like I’ll be less human if I lose it. Everyone’s allowed to be vulnerable, some just are lucky enough to choose who they’ll be vulnerable around. I’m lucky enough to to have a choice, not so lucky in the people I choose to trust. Guess that’s not a luck thing, it’s just my inability to decipher whether a person is worth all the pain and torture of coming clean to them or not. So far many people have burnt me but two stick out in particular - Becca and Corpse. Corpse especially, which is the odd thing considering he hasn’t even wronged me in any way. At least not yet.

“Your phone’s vibrating.“ Andrew says, pulling me out of my overflowing head when he hands me my phone which I handed to him because of my dress’ lack of pockets.

“Thanks.“ I mutter through a sigh as I take it from him, checking the notification I’ve gotten.

My stomach drops: it’s a message from Corpse.

“Hey I saw you are in LA but we have a stream tomorrow, will you still be participating?“

Before I can reply, he sends me another message.

“I know you’re probably very busy but we get the most viewership on the streams when you’re in them so....“

I’ve probably been staring at my phone screen for longer than I thought since Andrew felt the need to make sure I was still breathing: “Hey, you ok? You look terribly pale.” I can barely hear him let alone reply. I can’t hear my own thoughts to know what to reply to him. “Y/N, you’re scaring me.”

I’m scaring myself too, Andrew. I’m scared too. I’m scared of how broken my picker has become. I almost kissed this guy! I almost entrusted all my thoughts, hopes, wishes and goals to him! What the fuck was I thinking?! Well, at least I know what he was thinking about - viewership. Likes, subs, views, publicity. The more eyes on the stream the better for him and everyone else. I genuinely want to applaud him, no one has been so direct about using me before. I was in a relationship with Becca for almost a year before I accidentally found out what she had been doing the whole time. No one’s ever smacked me in the face with this much honesty. It’s bittersweet really.

I want to laugh, I want to cry, slap myself across the face, slap him...I want to do so much, but all I can do now is sit in silence and think of how I could be so stupid.

He’s just another one, how did I not see that? How do I never see it until it’s too late? Why is one part of me still screaming: ‘He didn’t mean it like that!’

AND WHY THE FUCK DO I WANT TO BELIEVE IT?

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[lexiwright]

Night out

Benny watts x reader

I'm so so so sorry this to so long to come out. I had planned it to be out for new year and then I kept changing my mind so it may not seem like it makes sense apologizes, I'm also promptly moving tomorrow. I literally was told my parents couldn't handle me and my mental health anymore and am not getting kicked out just ( space for everyone ) so yea I'm feeling very low and just so no one wonders why the next one will probably take so long. I'll be living with my real mum who has her own issues too so we will see

Trigger warning - slight alcohol miss use. Slight drunken abuse (not from benny he would never.)

Some cuddles and fluff

Prompt - ”Can you please come and get me ”

--------

It had been a less than successful night. Your sure others wouldn't agree but you sat next to a gutter at the side of a very quiet road in front of a building of which merely hours ago you had been drinking aside friends in had drunk adults spilling from the door as everyone came and went.

Your arms wrapped tightly around yourself, you glanced around and spotted a payphone a little down the street. Pulling yourself off the ground and reaching for your bag you stumble your way away from the slow rumbling music that clung around the door from inside. It got distant and you fell into the booth.

You thought about how the night had started. The party had been on everyones mind for days. You were going with cleo and the boys. Beth was even gonna meet you guys there. Who was in New York for a few days, staying in a hotel a few blocks from the party. Although she didn't stay long, trying to keep sober.

You guys had got there around 11. In time for the beginning of shots being pasted around. Which you off course accepted. Kick starting the night with some vodka.

All went well for a few hours, by about 2 you'd put back your fair share of drink. And that's when it started to hit you. You weren't a stranger to the results of alcohol tho and kept going like it was nothing.

But apparently your uneven walking had caught the attention of some...less than pleasant individuals. They had tried talking to you before and you just ignored them. They had a look in their eyes that you weren't comfortable with so you didn't dwell on them.

But they had dwelled on you it seemed. They noticed as your balance had started to wobble. Quite possibly noticing when your words all slurred together. And definitely when you stumbled in front of them as you had unsuccessfully attempted to step past one of them. But there was no call for the man to grab you. And not in a way to help you balance. You told him to let go. But his hands had other ideas. You tried to pull his hands off of you and your not sure what happened next but he slapped you.

You probably did something wrong you thought. You always screw things up.

Some words were exchanged and you rushed out. Not after kneeling him in a not so nice place. he tried to grab you. Ripping the shoulder of your one straps. It was a cheap dress but now you had to make sure you help up the strap just in case.

You felt humiliated and your face hurt.

You found some money in your bag, next to some mint gum that you decided was a higher priority.

Benny hadn't come to the party. He thought it sounded stupid. And when you had stepped out of your room into the middle of the apartment he looked at you and snorted.

” what do you expect to get in that get up?” he asked suggestively.

You didn't think anything of it and giggled at him. But now you thought maybe it truly was your fault an that you seemed like you were asking for it.

Shaking your head to clear it of such thoughts. Which made the small booth spin a little but you stuck with it. Putting in the coins and trying to remember the right numbers for the house. You felt sick as you listened for the click of the phone being a answered and a harsh voice on the other end speaking.

”hello?”

It was Benny. Hopefully you hadn't woke him.

” Benny?” you whispered out. Realising you had to speak

” Y/N?” he questioned. Voice softening a little.

You twirled the cable as you stared at your shaking hand.

Your throat seemed to close up as you looked for the words. To explain how drunk you had got. To explain what the men tried to do to you. Why you hadn't come home yet even though it was now 3.

” Y/N what's the matter” he asked sternly.

Your eyes pricked with sudden tears and with a slight choke you sobbed out.

”Can you please come and get me ”

”what happened where are the others?” he seemed startled

” I don't know. I'm sorry. Please Benny.”

There was a split second of silence and then

” I'm coming to get you stay right where you are. ” and then another click.

You waited. Felt like a life time. You thought about a lot of things. Part of you was worried Benny wouldn't come. That he would leave you here. You struggled to keep your self balanced so you went over to a step and sat down. Put your head in your hands with your elbows resting on your thighs.

You sighed. Maybe you should find your own way. You sat up and ran your fingers through your hair.

It wasn't to long before a taxi pulled up in front of you and outstepped a slightly frustrated looking Benny.

His hair askew and a loose black shirt, he took a few long strides to reach you.

Looking up you giggled at how tall he looked. Sighing at your antics he held out a hand and began to pull you too your feet.

Wobbling considerably you made it to an upright position and with a long arm around your waist you stumbled your way to the taxi.

You some how got in. A testament to what a person would do to get away from a party.

You could tell he hadn't noticed your strap or face yet, you had concealed it well. Somehow.

Time didn’t work for you so you’ve no idea how long it took to get home. But when you did benny got out first to open the door for you and pay the driver.

Thanking the man. He shut the car door and watched for a second as it pulled away before turning his attention to the more presssing matter of the drunking idiot before him. Giggling at a joke he obviously missed.

He noticed your face. You saw the moment he did and he stepped closer. Enough to see the outline of a hand.

This was when Benny realised there was a little more to this story of you just getting blitzed as he, for the first time took in your appearance, clocking the strap you were holding up with your arms folded.

A hint of rage passed through him before he calmed and took your hand to get you inside. You were barely three steps into the building befor you asked

“How am I supposed to get down the stairs”

Slurring lightly.

He sighed. Not for the last time and leaned down to hoist you into his arms and proceeded with caution as he walked with you. You giggled some more as you wrapped your arms around his neck, hugging into him.

You were drained. And you wanted to sleep. Leaning your face into his neck you've never felt safer.

When he reached the bottom he placed you down gently and unlocked the door to let you both in. This time just holding you round the waist as you wobbled down the small set of stairs. He then pulled you to the sofa and sat you down.

After doing the usually after drinks things like water and getting you a jumper and some shorts of his he then sat next to you and spoke for the first time since you's had got in.

”are you going to tell me what happened?” he gently pushed. Not wanting to push you over the limit but he was concerned.

Your face fell and you nodded a little and told him very roughly but enough that he understood what had happened. He was angry, to say the least, but knew there was nothing he could do about the disrespectful toad roaming the streets. So he settled to offer you an open arm for you to cuddle into him. You of course jumped at the offer and snuggled into the warm man.

You didn't want to go to bed and Benny knew that. Knowing you'd not have the effort to get up and both being quite comfortable where you both remained.

You spotted a book on the coffee table and looked up at Benny with puppy dog eye that you knew he couldn't refuse.

” will you read to me?” you pleaded.

He chuckled and lent forward to retrieve the book. It happened to be the hobbit. ( I know it's not for everyone but I know it's written before Benny time so apologies please roll with it)

As he started to read chapter one an unexpected party and began describing the hobbit hole. You felt yourself begin to doze off to the soothing tones and his other hand rubbing soft circles on your upper arm.

It wasn't how the night had supposed to go but you were with him now and you felt protected. Knowing he came to your aid.

(with regards to the slap Yes I know this is a little unrealistic it lasting that long but I once got one that lasted a few hours ( I’m not being hit just to clarify it was a joke with some pals who one of them was telling me about a slap match to see how much he could take and the other we were with friend had really went for it and it was actually shockingly sore and my drunk ass went I can take it and he was reluctant at first and then went to go and did it before stating that was hadn’t been hard enough and went again even harder and it left quite a mark and we all laughed so ya. ) but just pretend if you don’t think it would )

[kingfrumpkin]

harrow & schizophrenia

i was asked to elaborate on my "harrow is schizophrenic" post and im more than happy to! i dont see this talked about a lot and it makes me sad & i hope theres more talk about it as time goes on

without further ado, here is harrow and her schizophrenia symptoms

the DSM-V outlines 5 symptoms of schizophrenia, which includes (1) hallucinations, (2) delusions, (3) disorganized speech (4) disorganized/catatonic behavior, and (5) negative symptoms. one only has to have 2 of these symptoms to get a diagnosis for schizophrenia, given they have lasted longer than 6 months and are not caused by drugs

let's go through these symptoms individually in regards to harrow:

1) hallucinations

there is no doubting that harrow suffers from hallucinations, as mentioned several many times throughout harrow the ninth. her hallucinations are mainly auditory (hearing doors close or people walking) and visual (the Body, hallucinating cythera's body, implied past hallucinations in her dream-river scape.) even in the first book there is evidence of harrows hallucinations, mainly when her and gideon are sneaking around hallways and have to stop constantly for "no reason", according to gideon

2) delusions

delusions are a little trickier to show examples of because the books are rarely from her POV, but i would consider her relationship with the Body a delusion. the Body has no special relationship to her and is incapable of feeling love to her, however harrow believes that they have this deep relationship. technically this could be considered a "religious hallucination" where "someone might think they have a special relationship with a deity" (WebMD). this delusion feeds into her hallucinations of the Body.

3) disorganized speech

harrow has no known disorganized speech patterns or confused thoughts. she has no problem talking/following trains of thoughts accurately

4) disorganized/catatonic behavior

this would be under the category of movement disorders in terms of schizophrenia which, again, is hard to gauge with everything that goes on in the books. however, there is one key line that mentions how harrow would lose track of time simply staring at/being with the body and waste hours doing this. if still at the time, this could be considered catatonic behavior. however, that is possibly a stretch

5) negative symptoms

negative symptoms is a little broad so let's break it down a little.

flattening: "When they talk, their voice can sound flat, like they have no emotions. They may not smile normally or show usual facial emotions in response to conversations or things happening around them" (WebMD)

we don't really have many descriptors of harrows inflection, or lack thereof, when speaking except when in moments of stress or upsetting circumstances, like with harrow witnessing the mercy/john/august sandwich. it could be said that harrow has a severe lack of facial expressions in response to normal day-to-day conversations

withdrawal/apathy: "This might include no longer making plans with friends or becoming a hermit. Talking to the person can feel like pulling teeth: If you want an answer, you have to really work to pry it out of them." (WebMD)

this is another obvious symptom that harrow has. she wants to work with no one and prefers to spend her times alone. she almost refuses to go to the dinner that magnus and abigail have and is uncomfortable the entire time. it is very hard to get answers out of her as well, as gideon is unable to do so and constantly gets frustrated with.

struggling with the basics of daily life: "They may stop bathing or taking care of themselves." (WebMD)

this is another obvious symptom. harrow rarely takes care of herself and has to be forced to.

other symptoms/schizophrenic behaviors

there are links between certain behaviors and schizophrenia that are worth going over, outside of the officially recognized symptoms

this section will be worked in examples of harrows behaviors

harrows rituals

rituals are important to harrow and is stressed in harrow the ninth. in flashbacks, she describes a series of rituals she practices and her strict adherence to them.

obsessive compulsive tendencies are found linked with schizophrenia in multiple cases. in an article in psychiatry MMC, several authors state: "Although OC symptoms in schizophrenia were once thought to occur rarely [...] recent studies have shown greater prevalence". case 1 of this article outlines a man with OCD-type rituals

harrow's paranoia

it is obvious harrow is a very paranoid person with her constant wards and sneaking around in the first house. paranoia is a symptom closely linked with schizophrenia, usually due to delusions/hallucinations

-

and at this point ive hit the character limit so UHHHH YEAH TY FOR READING

[potteresque-ire]

Hi :) Are you following the zheng shuang scandal? Would you say that her career is pretty much over now? The rate the news has been unfolding is so crazy to me. It’s only been 3-4 days. Was wondering if the gov would handle her matters personally.

Hello Anon! Yes, I’ve followed the news about the actress, primarily because it offers insight on how the current administration deals with stars exhibiting what it deems as “immoral” behaviour. As of today (2021/01/26), it’s difficult to imagine her career will survive at all. While she isn’t the first to be categorised as a “bad-history entertainer” (劣迹藝人), she’s the first to be explicitly banned by the National Radio and Television Administration (NRTA; 國家廣播電視總局), the department that controls—and censors—content of all radio, television, satellite, and Internet broadcasts in the country. Before, the NRTA didn’t publicise the names of the entertainers the government no longer wishes to see, which allows a possibility for reversal in a few year’s time if the “bad-history” wasn’t too damaging, and production companies are willing to take a risk and produce shows with the entertainers that may be difficult to pass the censorship board. But with such a high profile announcement, the government’s stance is unlikely to turn around in a foreseeable future.

Hmm. Let’s backpedal a little to get everyone on track. Before, I’ve shared some info re: the censoring of books, of audiovisual media. What if the government decides to “cancel” an entertainer instead? How does it do it? What are the standards?

The actress’s downfall is a (sad) example.

I shall skip names, the gossipy elements. Whether she made mistakes or not, no one deserves having their private matters exposed and sensationalised like this; no one should have to undergo such a humiliating, public trial. Essentially, the heart of the story goes as follows: the actress, a romantic-lead type who has been popular for several years, secretly got married. On 2021/01/18, her estranged husband claimed on Weibo that the couple had two children using US-based surrogate mothers, and the actress had abandoned the children in the US under his care. Meanwhile, his friend provided an audio from approximately the 7th month of the surrogate pregnancies, at which time the marriage was already falling apart. In the audio, the actress expressed dismay that abortion was no longer possible; her family talked about abandoning the newborns at the hospital or giving them up for adoption.

The next day (2021/01/19), the actress responded. She didn’t deny the existence of her surrogate children and claimed that she had been extorted. More importantly, she said the following: 

“身為藝人我深知我國疫情的防控與重視。** 在中國國土之上我沒有違背國家的指示，在境外我也更是尊重一切的法律法規。”

“Being an artist, I deeply understand the attention my country (China) has placed on controlling the epidemic. On China’s soil, I didn’t do anything that violates the directives by the government. Outside the country, I’ve been even more respectful of all laws and regulations.”

This apparently hit a nerve of the administration. On the same day (2021/01/19), the Communist Party’s Central Political and Legal Affairs Commission (CPLAC; 中央政法委) — one of the most powerful commissions that oversees the entire legal enforcement system of the government —  published an opinion piece , in which it said:

但[女星姓名]的回应，却通篇强调自己没有违法，丝毫没有任何悔过、道歉的意思。…

But the response of (name of the actress) insists that she didn’t violate any laws, doesn’t show a hint of remorse, regret…

要知道，在��国代孕行为是被明确禁止的。… 作为中国公民，因为代孕在中国被禁止���就钻法律空子就跑去美国，这绝不是遵纪守法。…

It should be known, that in our country, surrogacy is explicitly prohibited … as a PRC (People’s Republic of China) citizen, to use a legislative loophole and go to the US due to the ban of surrogacy in China is absolutely not obeying the law…

要知道，没有营养的炒作带不来长久流量。公众人物的魅力，来自其高尚的职业操守、良好的社会形象、文质兼美的优秀作品，而不是疯疯癫癫、任性胡闹、缺爱卖惨的“人设”。作为公众人物，几度疯狂游走在法律边缘，把这样错乱的世界观、价值观、人生观，置于众目睽睽之下，贻害世风，这绝不是无辜！

It should be known, that hype devoid of significance will not bring in traffic (click rates). The charisma of public figures comes from their noble professionalism, good social image, high quality works in character and content, and not from “personalities” rooting in craziness, petulance, mischief, the selling of one’s lack-of-love and misfortunes. As a public figure, to wildly roam at the edge of the law, to place such wrong and chaotic world views, values and life perspectives in the public eye, to cause harm to the morals of society — that is definitely not innocence!

Things to note here:

1) The CPLAC reacting within a day of the actress’s statement ~  unlikely enough time for teasing out / verifying the facts or truth of the matter.

2) The implication that Chinese citizens must follow Chinese laws, even when they’re overseas. (What about, for example, same-sex marriages?)

3) These words that, IMO, bordered on insult: “craziness, petulance, mischief, the selling of one’s lack-of-love and misfortunes”.

The actress’s career was hanging by a thread with this opinion piece. State-controlled agencies chimed in, many of which echoing CPLAC’s stance that surrogacy is explicitly prohibited in China. By night time of 2021/01/19, rumours abounded that multiple media companies had already listed the actress as a “bad-history entertainer” and would be shelving all her works and cancelling all her scheduled appearances. Prada terminated her endorsement.

The final drop of the hammer happened a day later, in the evening of 2021/01/20. The NRTA issued a statement that explicitly named the actress and contained the following lines:

代孕不是私事，与法不合，有违社会主义公德。…

Surrogacy isn’t a private matter. It doesn’t agree with the law, violates the civility of socialism…

从事广播电视和网络视听的演艺人员尤其是知名艺人，作为公众人物，有很大的社会影响力和示范作用，应当自觉践行行业自律准则，严格律己修身，严私德，讲大德，守公德。

Artists who work in TV and web audiovisual productions, especially famous entertainers, have significant social influence and demonstrative roles as public figures. They should be conscious about the self-discipline required for their industry, be strict in their behaviour and personal virtues, speak of great kindness and defend civility.

行业主管部门的相关政策要求是明确的，严格的。广大人民群众不愿意、不接受、也不允许丑闻劣迹者污染我们的社会公德和公序良俗。

Policies regarding the management of the industry is clear and strict. The public does not want, does not accept, does not allow those with scandals and poor history pollute the civility, the good order and customs of our society.

我们不会为丑闻劣迹者提供发声露脸的机会和平台，一如既往，坚决为广大人民群众提供健康向上荧屏声频。

We will not supply opportunities and platforms for those with scandals and poor history to sound their opinions, to show their faces. Just as before, we are determined to provide audiovisual content that is healthy above all.

And just like this, less than 72 hours after the estranged husband posted on his Weibo, the actress’s career is over. The NRTA, which has The Say on who and what get exposure time on screen, has spoken. The actress had no way of self-defence. Her 11 million followers on Weibo didn’t get to decide whether she’d stay or she’d go.

This is a brutal punishment but for what, exactly? Some netizens have whispered while the others shout their condemnations ~ but I thought…. surrogacy isn’t illegal?

And they’re correct: surrogacy isn’t explicitly outlawed in China, despite what CPLAC and other state agencies has claimed. In 2001, the Ministry of Health banned medical institutions and health care workers from "practicing any form of surrogate technology". However, no laws have ever passed that prohibit individuals from commissioning or providing surrogacy services—especially when the services are overseas.

The actress, therefore, wasn’t lying when she said she didn’t do anything that violates the directives by the government on China’s soil. Her “crime” of using surrogate mothers was, at worst, a legally grey area. For years, China has had a booming, semi-underground surrogacy market, their client base including older parents who wish to have another child after the country relaxed its birth limit (the so-called “one-child policy”) in 2015, infertile couples, and to a lesser extent, the LGBT+ community. Blued, China’s most popular gay social networking/dating app, has offered overseas surrogate services for several years that connect their clients with US-based surrogates. It pulled the services after the actress’s incident.

But all that doesn’t matter. People in China understands this: the law book is there, but those in power at the moment always have the final word ~ and that word doesn’t have to match the legal codes, or the previous final words of their predecessors. As for the moral outcry re: the actress having wished to abort / give up her unborn children, it’s worth mentioning abortion has long been used to to enforce the country’s decades-long birth limit policies, and forced, violent late-term abortions were not unheard of. Many people in China are also aware of that.

But again, it doesn’t matter.

I’ve described the government’s reactions in detail because they put in words the expectations it has of its entertainers. Entertainers in China are expected to not only obey the laws, but also have proper world views, (moral) values and life perspectives (collectively called 三觀, literally, “three views”) as defined by the government. The state has also made clear that such expectations grow with the fame of the entertainers.

Entertainers at the top of the c-ent industry, especially the idol types with many young fans, are therefore expected to get things right. These opinion pieces are reminders that the administration keeps a close eye on them, can “cancel” them with a few words if they fail.

The term for “canceling” an entertainer is 封殺 (literally, “seal and kill”).

The actress isn’t the first to be “cancelled” by the government. The first time the NRTA issued a directive regarding “poor-history entertainers” (劣迹藝人) was in 2014, which essentially called for shutting out any entertainer with a history of bad behaviours. It demanded all production companies, TV stations, online media companies and theatres to stop producing / broadcasting audiovisual content with these people, citing that TV and film media should be used for “spreading the progressive culture of socialism and promoting socialist core values” (”传播社会主义先进文化、弘扬社会主义核心价值观”). As these entertainers will no longer be exposed to an audience, these directives effectively kill the career of most who are affected.

What makes up the “poor-history” of “poor-history entertainers” then?

- The 2014 edition named drug use and prostitution (including hiring a prostitute) specifically.

- The 2018 edition, an announcement made by a top NRTA official, stated that audiovisual programmes should adhere to the “Four Never-Use” guidelines when inviting guests for their shows. Those guidelines were vague but for the last line: “In addition, the NRTA explicitly requests that programmes should not use entertainers with tattoos; (those associated with) hip-hop culture, sub-cultures (non-mainstream cultures), decadent cultures.” (”另外，总局明确要求节目中纹身艺人、嘻哈文化、亚文化（非主流文化）、丧文化（颓废文化）不用。”)

Some may be asking: wait … hip-hop?

Yes.

It was believed that hip-hop artists were targeted due to a scandal at the time, in which (another) well-known actress had an extra-marital affair with a rapper. Analysis of the rapper’s lyrics found sexism and suggestions of drug use (the rapper later apologised and claimed his “core values” had been distorted due to influence from “black music”.) 

As this guideline hasn’t been retracted under any formal capacity, it can still be used to axe any show, shut out any entertainer.

If you’re wondering about SDOC, for example, this again illustrates the need for some … mind-reading skills to navigate life in China. A good way to achieve that without superpowers is to have the right connections to higher-ups, who can offer hints on what can get away at the moment and what cannot (this is true not only for c-ent, but for most business practices in the country; building 關係 guanxi— literally, “relationship”— is a must for those who wants a  piece of the Chinese market).

- In 2020, NRTA expanded the “no exposure” rule to live-stream shows on the internet as well as on- and offline charity events, where previously “cancelled” artists had started to find jobs in to make a living. While that notice didn’t further elaborate on what makes “bad history”, the accompanying article in People’s Daily (The State-controlled Newspaper) went into more details. In addition to drug use and prostitution specified in 2014, the article named tax evasion; lying about education levels; *suspected* (涉嫌) extramarital affairs, domestic violence and inappropriate speech.

It’s worth emphasising that many of these activities are not illegal. “Suspected” also means these activities do not have to have happened ~ it’s the impression that they’ve happened that counts. Hence, back to the actress who had surrogate children, not only did it not matter whether surrogacy is actually illegal, it didn’t matter whether the leaked audio was real or taken out of context, or that the babies didn’t end up being aborted / adopted. The article once again stresses that private matters are no longer private for entertainers who are in the public eye as social influencers, and these directives on “poor-history entertainers” �� colloquially called “封殺令”, with 封殺 meaning the “seal-and-kill” and 令 meaning command (as in Chen Qing Ling 陳情令) — are there to set the standards, the bottom-line for c-ent. It did call for more specifics in future directives: more guidance on what makes “bad history”, the ways these entertainers can redeem themselves. As of today, however, such specifics have not been provided. As a result, to avoid crossing the NRTA, the media has ended up “overachieving” in certain cases, wiping out the screen time of entertainers who only have a remote chance of being viewed as having “bad history” to play it safe. Last October, for example, a young singer was briefly edited out of all his recorded shows because his parents (not him) was revealed to be deadbeats owing millions in debt.

And so, without a known way out yet, “bad-history” entertainers such as the actress will likely remain “sealed and killed” for a long time. Entertainers recently caught with extramarital affairs ~ a relatively minor “offence” ~ have been missing on screen for 2-3 years, and the heavy-handed treatment by the government this time is likely to put a pause on any companies considering using these people again. Even if they’re finally allowed some degree of comeback, their career prime will be over and and their NRTA “sentence” will likely follow them everywhere they go, which makes their getting face time in any high-profile (high-investment) projects unlikely. Those who must work to make their ends meet will probably end up like so many entertainers who never made it big, or are at the very tail end of their career ~ drifting from city to city singing in local clubs, getting paid poorly and harassed by rude customers...

===

** A side note: In case anyone wonders why she brought up COVID, it’s a similar idea as Gg apologising for “佔用了一些社會公共資源” “occupying social resources” in his first team post after 227 (2020/03/01). For an authoritarian regime that has placed the most attention on maintaining social stability (ie. quelling dissent), disrupting the government’s narrative re: current events and potentially reversing the overall tone the administration is trying to reach in public discourse can be a greater offence than any actual “wrongdoing”. 227, as an incident, was guilty of that.

(And I’m bringing this up because I find this relevant to the safety asks I have in my inbox. Arguments among fans do not themselves render Gg and Dd unsafe, but can become a significant issue if they “occupy social resources”, disrupt the government’s narratives and/or its political machinery in some ways. IMO, 227 took a dangerous turn not because the fans were arguing over a piece of fanfic, but because a group of fans took over the reporting machinery intended to rat out dissidents. It was a mistake that I hope no fans ~ regardless of who they support ~ will repeat again.)

[the-moon-prince]

The Last Of us~Kurapika x Reader ~Chapter I

AN: Hi my lovely fellows! I’m making a Kurapika x reader! This will be the first chapter. Overall I’m trying my best for you to insert yourself in the story as good as you can. However, some point who are going to be relevant in the plot a little further, like (Y/n)’s age, Profession and first language have been modified.This is my debut as a fanfiction writer here on tumblr! 

As now, I wish you a pleasant read, and I hope you’ll enjoy the first chapter of my story. (Second coming soon!)

Paring: Kurapika Kurta x GN! Reader

Word count: 2 783

TW: None!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

5 am The buzzing sound of the alarm loaded Kurapika's ears. The same noise as every morning. Another day to go on. He woke up with this peculiar feeling, but so familiar to him. That unnamed pain hit him again as his senses started to stir. The bed beneath him felt cold and foreign. The morning was dull to him. Seeking to shake the feeling away, he sat up and stretched. His limbs felt heavy, his eyes burned. Just another morn after a terrible night with limited sleep and disagreeable dreams. That tiredness was omnipresent in his life for the last months.  He immediately saw the space that wrapped him. Empty, just the drawer, nightstand, a lamp, and blank white walls. Finally, getting up from the bed and arranging the also white sheets. Going to the drawer and pulling out his work uniform; a white shirt, black trousers, black tie, and a black jacket. Taking his loose pajama pants and shirt off and starting to button the white shirt. Thinking annoyed at how he had to abide another day Neon dramatically said how sad, miserable, and lonely she felt. The fairly frustrating attitude she had been insisting on the last weeks. What did she know about misery and solitude? Once dressed, he left his bedroom to the tiny hall of his apartment. Leading to the small room alongside his. The big black door remained in front of him. He stared at it for a moment. A certain doubt in his mind made its presence. Lastly, he opened the door, glancing at the scarlet eyes floating on the jars displayed in the room, and closed the door. The emptiness seemed greater than the last morning. He wondered one more time while putting his shoes on, what did he yearn? What did he lack to feel once more this abyss? He stepped outside his home and took a deep breath, the swampy air feeling his lungs. And head straight to the Nostrade mansion. He passed the big entrance gate, the security of the Nostrade's residence, and arrived at the main room. Unlike what Kurapika might have thought moments ago, there was something new that morning. An unknown person was sitting on one of the multiple couches, apparently waiting. Wich piqued his curiosity. Their guise was quite formal and unique, white cigarette bottoms and a moss-green long-sleeved sweater with a white dress shirt underneath. However, the shirt's collar was embroidered with a peculiar decoration. A botanic motif of tiny red, yellow and blue flowers plus green leaves was along the tip of the collar. Naturally, Kurapika carefully observed the intruder to determine if it was a possible menace. The individual had (long/short/medium/ with bangs) (curly/straight/wavy)(hair color) hair; it was loose and a bit messy. Some strands were framing their face. Their body had a juvenile apparent, around one or two years younger than him however their face looked more childlike. Their gaze was lowered into the book, so Kurapika was unable to see the eyes. He just saw the (long/short) eyelashes moving with the occasional blinks the person gave and some eye bags from fatigue.   They were sitting with their legs crossed, one hand was holding the book, and the other was rubbing the green fabric of the sweater between the index and the thumb. They gave an overall serene aura. It wasn't long before a butler came near Kurapika. -"Mr.Kurapika, Sir. Nostrade requested to have the young guest to his office. For security reasons Sir. Nostrade wants one of the bodyguards to watch over the guest. Please take them there." Kurapika agreed with a quick "understood" and made his way towards the outsider. Kurapika stopped in front of the sitting figure. "Excuse me, Mx"- The person reading gave a slight quiver in surprise to immediately put the book down and look up at him with a subtle and soft smile. Despite looking up at him, they didn't look directly into his eyes, fixing more in his mouth.- "Mr.Nostrade charged me to take you to his office, please accompany me." he addressed the outsider with a secure tone. "Hello, and thank you" was the quiet response the stranger gave him. Getting up and ranging the book in a black side bag. "This way." The person quietly followed behind him through the hallway, examining the distinct decorations and pieces of furniture all over the mansion. Once the both of them arrived at the office's door, Kurapika gave a knock, letting their attendance be known, followed by a grave "Come in" from Light Nostrade. Kurapika rapidly opened the door and entered the room. At the center of the room was Light Nostrade, sitting at his big wooden desk. Accompanying the desk, a coffee table and matching sofas were placed over a luxurious carpet. In one of the sofas, Neon was sitting playing with one of her stuffed toys. Mr. Nostrade without a word gave the guest sign with his hand to sit down in one of the chairs in front of his desk, as the foreigner obliged. "Neon, this is (Y/n), they're your new companion and therapist. As you have let me know lately, you've been feeling bored and alone. As your dad, your welfare concerns me. So I searched for one of the best professionals to improve your state." -The man addressed the young girl next to him, to take the phone to his desk right away and address it to someone on the other line-"Let the rest of Neon's bodyguards in" -In an instant, the rest of the bodyguards entered the room- "Mx. (Y/n) present yourself to the rest" Mr.Nostrade finally ordered. (Y/n) got up in a unique move from the chair, and facing the rest of the company in the chamber, with their hands clasped in front of their body, they declared "Hello, I'm (Y/n) it's a pleasure to meet and work along with you."-(Y/n) presented themselves with a small politeness reverence, then they turned to faced Neon-"Neon, I am a Doctor with a specialization in psychiatry medicine. I, moreover, am a certified Hunter and I'm here to take care of your psychological and physical integrity. If required I can protect you in case of aggression. Besides I'm here to treat your loneliness and improve your mental health. I honestly hope my faculties will help develop several health skills!" they finally finished, all the discourse was made with the same quiet and kind voice tone, with the subtitle smile never leaving their face.  After the quick initiation, Neon's face went from attentive to a worried grimace to shout "DAD!!! AM I SICK?!?" (Y/n) tilted their head and stepped to Neon softly reassuring her "No Neon, don't worry, you're not sick. I am here just to prevent you from being sick. I'll take good care of your mental and physical state and keep you amity so you remain as happy and healthy as always! In other words, I'm your private psychotherapist." Following those words of reassurance Neon's face lights up in a smile "YAY, So you're my new companion! Finally, I won't be so bored around here! I'm Neon, but you seem to already know my name. You look strangely young, you know? Plus you have a weird accent when you talk!" Of course, Neon added lacking discretion as always. (Y/n) just tilted their head once more, without changing their friendly air they responded "Of course I have an accent, Neon, all chic and elegant people have one, like David Bowie or Kate Bush. And regarding my age, It's judged preferable to have someone closer to your age to establish a more organic cooperative relationship." -The response to the rude observations of Neon was devoid of any malice, it was rather merry and kind, giving Neon the sensation of friendship and calm -"If you'd prefer to consider me your "companion" is fine. As planned with your father, I will be with you every Tuesday, Thursday from 11:00 am to 8:00 pm and Saturdays from 2:30 pm to 7:30 pm. But today as being our first day, I'll be entire with you!" The grin on Neon's face just became wider "YOU'LL SEE, I AM GONNA HAVE SO MUCH FUN FROM NOW ON!''-Neon called once more, grabbing (Y/n) from their arm and dragging them somewhere. The (hair colored) didn't protest, just flinched to the sudden touche-"COME TO MY ROOM, WE HAVE SO MUCH TO DO!" The stranger's identity and intentions finally became clear for Kurapika, letting him discard (Y/n) as a hazard. We followed them into Neon's room to guard the Nostrade's teenager. Hours passed by. Neon talked about all the nonsense she could think of, as (Y/n) seemed to pay special attention to every word the girl spitted out. Sometimes making some comments and writing down in a little (fav color) notebook with a little cat they took off their said bag. Kurapika was just sitting on one of the couches, some sort of relieved to have someone else to take care of Neon's heavy personality and tantrums. "She even seems calmer today, having some entertainment will be profitable to her. " he thought. Even if Neon was, in fact, calmer that day, you could still hear her from across the room. "Your notebook is really cute, you know? Where did you get it? Cats are SOOOOO cute! I want one like that!" "Thank you Neon! I got it at the novelty store in the Mall that's in the center of the town. I go near there quite often, I can get you one if you'll like. Also, I think I'm going to take my break now if you don't mind. I will go make some tea, would you wish some, Neon?" (Y/n) actively added to the chat, even if it's their first day, they seemed to fuse nicely with Neon, rather odd due to Neon's personality. "Nah, I don't like tea" the teen finally responded, getting a soft nod in agreement as an answer. (Y/n) got up from the chair they were sitting on and headed to the employee's kitchen. Not much time later, they came back with a cup of tea and a bottle full of tea. To Kurapika's surprise, (Y/n) handed him the cup of tea with the soft smile of always.  They simply added an "I made you some tea, you appeared a touch worn, I hope it's okay".  That was the first of many little acts of kindness (Y/n) had with him. They would make him some tea regularly in the day or ask about his day during the breaks. During the following weeks in which (Y/n) was going to give therapy to Neon, a lot of things could be perceived. The first was the improvement in Neon's attitude. Being gradually more used to friendly human interaction, and having a better understanding of her frustrations. The second was about (Y/n), they were a rather nice person, gaining some sort of  (or what was the most resembled) sympathy from Neon, which was a feat considering the lack of empathy of Neon. They were polite to everyone in the Nostrade's mansion, and their job as Neon's special doctor was their 4th job. Melody, during a casual chat, learned that (Y/n) worked Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays, and Saturday mornings as a Psychoanalyst between a Psychiatric ward and a Private Doctor's Cabinet, and the mornings of the days she came to assist the Nostrade's daughter as an intermediary liaison psychiatrist (basically someone who gives psychiatric supportive treatment in non-specialized unities) in the YorkNew General Hospital Center. This explains largely the eyebags and exhaustion for which (Y/n) has earned comments from Neon such as "You know you have eyebags?". Also, that (Y/n) has 18 years of age (sorry dear readers if it's not your age, but this will be relevant for the plot, so please let me this one pass), remarkably young to be an accredited doctor. And they were "precocious" on their own words- as Melody said- And the third and last thing, noticed essentially by Kurapika was about (Y/n) comportment and personality. Even if (Y/n) was kind and polite to everyone, they were incredibly discreet. They acted with prudence in virtually all aspects, from their appearance to their very presence. Like if (Y/n) was hiding and acting from the shadow (Melody also commented about this borderline anxiety). Additionally, all the movements (Y/n) made were prudent and meticulously planned, which made Kurapika realize the intelligence (Y/n) had. He also could tell English was not (Y/n)'s first language. They had a peculiar pronunciation and spoke with a large and fancy vocabulary. Those things greatly aroused Kurapika's curiosity, but the part of (Y/n) that triggered that curiosity the most was related to (Y/n)'s eyes. They were very careful with the subject. So careful indeed that they were even subtle with the care they treated the subject. Were tiny and nearly unimportant actions from (Y/n) that made Kurapika realize the importance of their eyes. (Y/n) never looked anyone in the eyes. Sometimes, during the break, when feeling exhausted or overwhelmed, (Y/n) would close their eyes and cover them with one hand. The biggest event of all was one time he listened to Neon through the door curiously ask  "Hey (Y/n), what happens with your eyes?" and, when he opened the door to see if everything was correct, (Y/n)'s eyes were normal. As if nothing had happened. Kurapika had for sure some inquiries regarding (Y/n). However, all of his suspicions became more prominent with a precise action from (Y/n). One day, Neon decided to show (Y/n) her body part collection. "(Y/n) You're a doctor, I'm sure you're going to love this! You know about these things, You'll be able to appreciate my glorious collection!" Neon was bragging about how happy she was with her various articles. "I have hearts, livers, fetuses, all the parts of the brain, some left and right lungs, and a pancreas. And my favorite of them all! A pair of beautiful scarlet eyes!" Neon made a special address on how rare the scarlet orbs were and how proud she was of them, she even played with them a little. And for the first time, (Y/n) didn't say a thing. Their perpetual smile even faded a little. During the whole episode, Kurapika remained sitting on a chair. Hearing that kind of discourse about his clan's eyes was hurtful and infuriating. How could she talk in such a manner of his fellow Kurtas? With no compassion, like if they were a mear object. It was sickening. A dull and hurt expression plastered on Kurapika's face. He was so immersed in his thoughts, he didn't notice it already was break time. If it wasn't for (Y/n) who came to sit beside him in an attempt to comfort his sorrow. (Y/n) had their gaze lowered and, for the first time, wasn't smiling. It wasn't a gloomy face, more like a flat expression. They didn't say a word and just stayed near him. Similar as if they seemed to comprehend. It wasn't until Kurapika looked at (Y/n) that they gave him a tiny smile. Nevertheless, this smile wasn't like the usual one. It was more caring, full of empathy and kindness, but also pain. None of them said a single word. And even if he never stated a thing about the subject, Kurapika felt a little comforted. At the end of that day, where everyone was heading to their own houses after such a hard working-day, (Y/n) came to Kurapika. He deduced they would just wish him a nice night. Except it wasn't the case. "Kurapika, pardon me, may I speak to you for a bit, pretty please?" (Y/n) mumbled to him, with the identical smile as always. A bit confused by their request, Kurapika responded, "Sure (Y/n), how may I help you?"  forthwith to its answer (Y/n) made him follow them to a more private place behind the Nostrade's mansion. (Y/n) looked down as they had their hands in front of their chest, similar to the pose of a meerkat, and was fidgeting with their fingers. "Kurapika"- then they looked up to him-"I know I'm putting my life on the line. Yet, what I'm about to do is an act of desperation wholly motivated by my conclusion. Are you somehow related to the scarlet eyes?" 

[81scorp]

21 tips for writing humor

 This was not written by me. It was written and uploaded to deviantart  Jan 13, 2017 by DesdemonaDeBlake.

All credit goes to her. I just copied and pasted it here.

There are many theories as to the nature, science, and reason for humor. It's an element of human behavior that seems objective in the skill that is required to execute it successfully, and yet just as subjective for how unpredictably it can hit every individual audience member. Today, I'm going to talk about the various forms that humor takes, and give you some tips for making your humorous story a success. To start with, lets look at what I will call the “five scales of comedy”. (Please note that the following is not intended as definitive list of the only sources and scales of humor in the world, only the ones that I have been able to identify within my own life, time, limited understanding, and culture. Also note that I will use the word “Humor” instead of the word “Comedy,” simply because I do not want this discussion on genres to be confused for the type of story that is opposite of Tragedy.)

The Five Scales of Comedy

A story or other source of humor can usually be found along the lines of five different scales. These are: High Humor vs Low Humor, Sweet Humor vs Acidic Humor, Distanced Humor vs Close Humor, Predatory Humor vs Reflective Humor, and Clever vs Ridiculous Humor. These scales stand apart from the sub-genres of humor (dark, slapstick, dry, etc...), and have to do with how the humor affects the audience. Note that there is no “best” type of humor; there is only humor that works in different ways and which impacts different sorts of people. So wherever you find your story in the scales, know that there is no need to change it unless you want to. Also, the names of the scales are just that—names. Just because your story falls into the category of “low” humor, doesn't mean that it is any less valuable than “high” humor.

Range 1: High Humor

Within the range of High vs Low humor, what we are discussing is the how large an audience we are trying to reach. High humor involves jokes and comical situations that are only understood by a very select group of people. An example might be a comedy series that focuses its humor on the experience of working in a corporate office (like … The Office), or perhaps political commentary. These are only funny to those people who have shared the experience or the political knowledge of the person generating the humor. Basically, the higher the humor, the more the entire set-up begins to resemble an inside joke. This type of humor is excellent for gaining the interest of select demographics who you may want to address. For example, if you only want to talk to nerds (I say non-insultingly because I am one and am proud of it), you might have lots of references to science fiction and fantasy.

Range 1: Low Humor

On the opposite side of the range, you have Low Humor. Low Humor deals with topics, jokes, and situations that are more universal to the human experience. An easy example of this is a fart joke. Everyone in the world farts, and most people are in touch enough with their inner child to think that it is funny if the joke is skillfully set up. Again, there is nothing wrong with low humor; and in certain situations it is even preferable. The lower your humor, the larger your potential audience can be. Other examples of low humor might be family life, slapstick, and situational comedy based on everyday experience. Shows like Spongebob Squarepants, for example, involve such a low degree of comedy that people of all ages, demographics, and locations across the world are able to find delight in it.  

 Range 2: Sweet Humor

The next range of humor, Sweet vs Acidic, deals with the intensity of the humor itself. Sweet Humor involves jokes, situations, and characters that require less pain and cynicism to appreciate. For example, a story that involves simple characters bumbling around, making mistakes, overcoming, and becoming better people for it would generally fall into the range of Sweet. We don't laugh at their misfortune (or if we do, its lighthearted and with limited consequences, like slipping on a banana peel), we laugh because their situations are joyfully amusing.  

An example of this are the sort of jokes and humor found in Youtube “Lets Plays,” like those of Markiplier and Jacksepticeye. We don't laugh because of anything bad happening to these people (or the characters that they play); we laugh because they are eccentric, silly, and joyful in a way that also makes us feel joyful. This form of humor can be tremendously encouraging and uplifting to the types of readers who enjoy it.

Range 2: Acidic Humor

On the other hand, we have Acidic humor. Much like with food, most people have strong preferences and limits to how acidic (spicy, sour, or bitter) they like their humor. Acidic humor deals with laughing at topics that are increasingly serious or even tragic, such as death, illness, social injustice, etc... A popular example of acidic humor is South Park. Those of us who enjoy acidic humor will find ourselves laughing at topics that would otherwise likely bring us to tears. The power of acidic humor is that it helps its appreciators to cope with the difficult truths of life, and also to acknowledge problems that we are otherwise tempted to ignore because they are too hard to think about.  

An example of an issue addressed in South Park is the elderly, their treatment, and our fear that we will face the same. Sure, when we watch an episode we laugh when the younger characters mistreat and abuse the elderly in the community. However, a conscientious viewer will then begin the chew on the issue, once the episode is over. We'll look at our own actions, and begin to wonder if our treatment of the elderly is just as bad. Because of the acidic humor, these difficult truths come to the forefront of our minds, we gain the courage to actually think about them, and we can even bring them up in discussion with others. This discussion can then lead to people changing the world for the better.

Range 3: Distanced Humor  

This range has to deal with the necessary emotional distance we need in order to be able to appreciate a certain level of humor. Even with lighthearted humor like slapstick, which has very low acidity, the audience needs to be distanced in order to laugh. For example, if I watch Bugs Bunny wallop Elmer Fudd on the head with a mallet, it's generally pretty damn funny. I know that these characters are both flat cartoons with limited depth to their character, and that as non-beings they don't really feel pain. Therefore, I don't have empathy to Elmer's pain (because it is really non-existent), and I can laugh. However, if the show were to show me Elmer's life, how he's been a vegan but famine has caused him to need to find meat to feed his family, and how he struggles to even shoot at a rabbit because it makes him feel like he's betraying himself; then I'm not going to laugh if Bugs hit him with a hammer. I'm too close, and need emotional distance in order for my empathy to not get in the way of my humor.

Range 3: Close Humor

We do not need distance in order to find something funny. With close humor, the jokes and situations actually rely on how well we know the characters and how much we empathize with them. An example of Close Humor is Scrubs. In the show actually find ourselves within the mind of the protagonist, JD, and seeing the entire world through his eyes. He tells us about his insecurities, his genuine pain, his fears, and we actually really care about him as a character. Yet, we find humor in his minor misfortunes and even in his silly victories. The closeness of our perspective amplifies the events that happen in his life in a way that distanced humor cannot achieve. For example, when he stutters and says something embarrassing in front of someone he idolizes, we find ourselves giggling. If Elmer Fudd were to stutter in front of someone he idolized, we wouldn't laugh nearly so hard because we can't possibly understand the stakes of the moment or why meeting this person is so important to him. We need to be close to a character for Close Humor to work.

Range 4: Predatory Humor

With the range of Predatory Humor vs Reflective humor, we are discussing who will be the “butt” or target of the joke. (Note that a joke does not necessarily need a butt, as we will discuss later.) While often used in a negative way, in order to bully and shame others, predatory humor is not a bad thing in and of itself. Predatory humor can be used to tackle and harm negative constructs and ideas in our society. For example, Fairly Odd Parents used to frequently attack neglectful and abusive parenting. Note that the while Timmy's (the protagonist of the show) Parents were frequently the butt of jokes, they were also not the real target (just like parents in general were not the target). The targets were their selfish and non-reflective actions that had damaging effects on their son. We can use predatory humor to attack ideas, and point out the evils that are so often overlooked in society. The trick is to always keep vigilance of your own mind, actions, and motives to makes sure that you do not become a bully who targets the people themselves. Because even if someone acts in an evil way, bullying them will never cause that to change.

Range 4: Reflective Humor

On the other side of this range we have Reflective Humor, which serves to make fun of itself. Again using South Park as an example, the creators would often make their own beliefs and ideals the target of their ridicule. For example, it's fairly clear that the show speaks in favor of LGBT rights and for their being accepted as equals in society. However, they also go as far as to mock people who are so over-enthusiastic and pro-LGBT (to the point of hypocrisy). Another example is when the show begins to teach a moral lesson, the writers will often make fun of themselves through the character of Kyle for being so preachy. The effect of the show making fun of itself is two-fold. First, those of us whose beliefs South Park mocks feel like the show is being fair. Thus, we continue to listen to and respect the views of the creators, even if we don't always agree. Second, we trust the messages of a story more when it has the integrity to point out its own failings. Note that unlike with other scales, Reflective and Predatory Humor can actually be interwoven so that a joke or story makes fun of itself just as much as its target.

Range 5: Clever Humor

The last range of humor that we'll discuss is that of Clever vs Ridiculous. This range is fairly self-explanatory, but the core of its nature is what sort of punchline is delivered at the end of a humorous situation. Clever humor takes the audience expectation and amplifies or twists it to an unexpected place. You can see this in the work of comedians such as Louis CK and Demetri Martin. Martin, for example, has a humorous bit about doorways that say “Exit Only.” The joke then involves his compulsive desire to tell store workers that they underestimate the potential of those doors by about 50%. The delivery of the punchline is true and logical, but it such a way that it humorously exceeds audience expectation.

Range 5: Ridiculous Humor

Opposite of Clever Humor, we have ridiculous humor. This is when the punchline of a humorous situation is so absurd that we can't help but laugh. And example of this is the Spongebob Squarepants episode where he and Squidward get lost while delivering a pizza. They become lost in the wilderness and spend the episode becoming more and more so. Then, right at the end, Spongebob exclaims that they are saved because he's found a big beautiful boulder, the likes of which the pioneers used to ride for miles. And, to make matters even more ridiculous, the boulder works—driving just like a car. We find humor because the punchline is simply so grandiosely absurd that we can't help but enjoy it. Note that both Clever and Ridiculous humor require a great amount of skill and thought to pull off successfully, it's just a matter of your preference and your target audience.  

The Five Sources of Humor

Once we identify what type of humor we are employing by using the scales, the next thing to consider is what makes our stories funny. This is something of a challenge, because we don't generally put much thought into why humor makes us feel the way it does. The humor either hits or misses, and we laugh or we don't. Making matters even more complicated is that there are so many theories as to why and how humor works—with everyone from Aristotle to Freud interjecting an opinion. But if we look at the particular sorts of things that make people laugh, we can improve how we use humor in our stories.

Source 1: Misfortune  

Whether a cartoon character is slipping on a banana peel, or a character in a romantic comedy finds themselves in an embarrassing situation, the misfortune of others seems to be the most popular form of humor. This is why slapstick and funny home videos have been so prevalent in modern humor. Plato and Aristotle seemed to believe that this was because such humor made the audience feel superior to the characters being ridiculed (Superiority Theory). This seems especially true when we see unlikable characters (like the villain in a children's cartoon) experience misfortune in a comical way.  

Though Superiority Theory has its place, I would assert that there is an alternative way that people enjoy misfortune. Perhaps the experience of slipping on a banana peel or being in an embarrassing situation is funny because of our own memories of experiencing the same thing or something similar. Freud and others theorized that humor was a release of energy (Relief Theory). Maybe our camaraderie with the character, mixed with emotional distance from the scene we are watching, creates a safe space to release our own stored feelings of pain or embarrassment. Thus laughter really does become a healing force.

Source 2: Absurdity

In his essay “The Myth of Sisyphus”, Albert Camus defines and explains the absurd.

“It's absurd” means “It's impossible” but also “It's contradictory.” If I see a man armed with only a sword attack a group of machine guns, I shall consider his act to be absurd. But it is so solely by virtue of the disproportion between his interaction and the reality he will encounter. […] Likewise we shall deem a verdict absurd when we contrast it with the verdict the facts apparently dictated. (29)

Though Camus is not talking about humor (rather the existentialist question), I think that the absurd is a source of humor. Audiences are often entertained by the absurdity of a situation. And by looking at Camus' explanation, we can hypothesize that this form of humor comes from the disproportionate contrast of action and situation. An example of this might be one of the last battle-scenes in Braveheart. In this scene, victory looks unlikely, the dramatic tension is high, and it seems to be the most serious moment imaginable. Then, upon being signaled, the protagonist's soldiers pull up their kilts and reveal their bare asses to the enemy. It's so unexpected and so absurd, that many people cannot help but to keel over laughing.

This scene is completely disproportionate to what we would expect to see in this dramatic a moment. The action does not suit the situation, but in a strange way it also kind of does—with the action juxtaposing itself against the situation. Perhaps, just like with misfortune, absurd humor creates a needed release of energy, connected to our own sense of existentialist absurdism. The absurd could then serve to release our feelings of despair in a positive light. The show, Rick and Morty, seems to be built on this connection between absurd humor blended with existentialism and nihilism. Of course, this is just a theory. What you'll want to focus on when writing absurd humor is the relationship of your characters' actions to the situations that they find themselves in. Are they lost in the desert? Have them climb a boulder and ride it home. The stronger the contrast between action and situation, the higher you'll make the potential for absurdity.

Source 3: Wit

Wit is the essence of Clever Humor; its the pithy intelligence that makes us laugh because of all the thought put into a situation. When we hear a witty joke or are part of a witty situation, we find ourselves moving in a forward humorous momentum, instead of the backwards and diagonal momentum of the absurd. But we don't stop at the expected location. For example my mother called me a few months ago, asking me if I was going to wish my brother a happy birthday. The expected response for this sort of set-up/situation is to answer “Yes” or “No”. But I went forward and beyond “No” by asking why she wanted me to congratulate my brother for being one year closer to death (I have an acidic sense of humor sometimes). This reply was much more thoughtful than what my mother expected, and pointlessly taken beyond the realm of reason. Therefore, she found it funny.

Perhaps there is an element of the absurd in any given amount of witty humor. It's as if we are taking extra steps to be as intelligent and rational as possible—ending with us standing somewhere close to the absurd. Using Camus' illustration of absurdity, the soldier with a sword wouldn't necessarily attack the machine guns, but instead go home, refusing to sacrifice his life to be a metaphor. You can see this sort of humor in Youtube series such as How it Should Have Ended. In this series, animators take a closer look at popular movies and then make efforts to enforce logic in worlds and characters that didn't have them. This includes having Severus Snape use his time-travel gizmo to go back in time and kill Voldemort before he became a problem—an action that is so logical that it erases the need for any of the Harry Potter stories to even happen. So when you create witty humor, look to take things beyond the realm of expectation—aiming for the absurdly reasonable.

Source 4: Anti-humor  

Anti-humor is when something is so unfunny that it becomes funny, sort of like puns. As we find delight in the absurd and the unexpected, humor and jokes can begin to feel predictable. We begin to look for the solution in jokes, and we're usually smart enough to begin to be able to predict it. In this case, the expected becomes surprising. An example is the classic: “Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side.” If you haven't heard it before, this anti-humor joke is actually kind of funny. A great example of this are the great collection anti-jokes found online.  

You can take anti-jokes to the next level using extremely acidic humor. This is where you take serious, grievous, or tragic topics and use them as the punchline for your joke. For example, a joke about a fatal illness is not funny because the person making the joke finds that topic amusing (otherwise that person needs some counseling). A joke about fatal illness can be funny to some people for the exact opposite reason—because of how dark and unfunny it is. Again, I believe this ties into a release of negative energy while in a safe space, and the processing of difficult emotions. If you plan to use the extreme form of anti-humor, please note that many people have very legitimate reasons for not enjoying it. So be careful, and give your audience some sort of forewarning so that you do not spring something so emotionally charged on them without their consent.

Source 5: Familiarity and Value

When I was taking university writing classes, I had an extremely eccentric professor who had all sorts of mannerisms that were unique to him. In the moments when he was particularly eccentric and acting out of his true nature (which he was quite comfortable with), I would find myself laughing, even if the situation wasn't funny. I think others can relate to this, as we all love to talk about fun people that we used to know, and find ourselves laughing even when what we are remembering isn't particularly funny. We laugh because those people acting happily out of their own nature gave us joy, and so anything they do creates a laughter that feels akin to humor.  

This mirth through familiarity can be accomplished in stories as well. In Bob's Burgers, for example, we really don't even begin to understand the humor until we develop an attachment and feelings for each individual character. Sure the situations are mildly amusing, but true laughter and humor doesn't begin until we know the characters, their likes, their dislikes, and who they are deep down inside. Once we know that, we laugh as each character acts out of their nature. When we see Louise (one of the protagonists) act with mischievous intent, we laugh even before we know what she's doing because we are happy that she is about to act out of who she really is. Note that this is a rather difficult sort of humor to pull off because you have to create a relationship between the characters and the audience before the humor will be possible.

General Tips for Humor

Tip 1: Create a patterned and uniform blend of humor for your story.

When you choose what sort of humor you plan to use in your story, the best way of maintaining audience enjoyment is to keep it constant. Just like when we watch a stand-up comedian, we begin to develop a taste and sense of expectation for whatever we are watching or reading. Over time, your audience will begin to really appreciate the flavor of your humor, and that appreciation will make your jokes increasingly funny (so long as they are creative and continue to be intelligently crafted). The pattern will also make all of your jokes seem, feel, and become purposeful. Your audience will enjoy this much more than if you seem like you are desperately trying to milk the humor from anything you can get your hands on (you perv).  

I recommend you begin by analyzing the origins of humor in your story's world. Is the world simply absurd, with unseen gods of chaos just dropping coconuts on people's heads for pure amusement? Does the humor come from a specific character? A group of funny people living in a serious world that they must learn to cope with through humor? A funny narrator with a unique perspective on life? Once you figure out the origins, determine where your humor will fit on the scales (it doesn't have to be on any extreme, you can stay in the middle of the scales and still be hilarious); and then figure out the source.

Tip 2: Create a genuine story with genuine characters, in order for humor to gain the most power.

If we value stories in terms of how much people enjoy and remember them, the best humor stories are those with good plots and characters. This may seem counter-intuitive when your intent is to make your audience laugh, but think of it this way. If an audience wants just concentrated jokes, they will read a joke-book. Your audience is choosing to dredge through the murky waters of story in order to find the humor with more difficulty because they want a blend of story and humor.  

An example of this is the movie,“Austin Powers.” Many people, myself included, watched these movies before we ever watched the James Bond movies that they were making fun of. And we enjoyed them greatly, and laughed the entire way through. Why? Because the characters and story, ridiculous as they were, were good enough that we actually invested our interest and emotions into them. As an added bonus, the story has become timeless and respected in its own right. Even if we face a future where nobody knows who James Bond is, the Austin Powers movies will be able to stand on their own merit because they are more than just jokes.  

Tip 3: Be careful about dating yourself.

Speaking of parody and humor losing its ability to be funny, let's talk about references that date our stories. Humor at the expense of popular culture (movies, politicians, celebrities) is a fun ploy of high-humor. It's especially useful for nighttime comedy shows that will be lost to time anyways, within a couple years. When you are writing a novel, however, you are trying to create something that will last a bit longer than that. Additionally, novels take a lot longer to write than an episode of a late night comedy show. This means that by the time you publish and people begin to discover your book, they may not know who the vapid pop star you're making fun of is. Your humor will be lost to time, and your book quite possibly forgotten. Of course, I'm not telling you that you can't use this sort of humor, just that you should be aware of the risks it holds.

Tip 4: Mark every line that is supposed to be funny, and make sure that it is.

Nothing detracts from a story or from a spirit of jovial humor so much as an obvious joke that falls flat. It's like watching an acrobatics show. If the acrobat falls on their face too many times you'll either be embarrassed for them or you'll empathize and start worrying for their safety. Either way, you won't find the situation amusing. In your own personal copy of the manuscript, mark every joke for analysis of whether it actually succeeds and whether it serves to empower the story. Then, ask your editors, test-readers, and writing partner to circle every point that they genuinely found funny. Be sure to pick test-readers who fall into the niche you are writing for, as well as those who do not. If nobody but you marked a specific joke, then you need to either get feedback for how to make it funnier, or else cut it.

Tip 5: Write within your own expertise and authority.

This does not mean that you can't laugh at things, and poke fun at things that are outside your realm of expertise, so long as you have done your research. But consider the power of an insider making a joke about something that you are a part of vs an outsider doing the same. It would be like the difference between me calling most writers narcissists (as I am one, and know that it is pretty true in most instances) and a politician making a joke and calling writers narcissists. I mean, what right does that asshole have to judge us, even if it is true? The point is that your jokes gain power when you can tell them with the confidence of an insider. Not only that, but your audience who is a part of the group at the butt of the joke, will be much more gracious and feel far less attacked when the joke comes from one of their own.  

Tip 6: Humor is personal  

Humor is something that is highly individual to specific groups and people. For example, I do not understand, nor am I really able to appreciate most British or Spanish comedies. This is not because they aren't funny; they are just as valid and hilarious as every form of comedy that I do enjoy. The reason is simply that because of either how I was raised, my life experiences or because of who I am by nature, I can't enjoy them any more than I can enjoy olives on my pizza (seriously, I hate them). It doesn't matter how artfully these types of humor are composed, there is simply no effect akin to joy, amusement, or laughter when I come across them. In other words, the problem is me and not them.  

All this is to make three points. First, it may be more difficult to find test-readers and worthwhile criticism for humorous work. Even if I'm really good at critiquing stories, I will not be able to give you any helpful feedback if your humor doesn't match with mine. And that isn't your fault any more than it's my fault. It's just a difference in taste. Second, humor is as personal and close to the heart as any other story or craft. When you create a joke, you are channeling whatever emotions and mixes of experiences have led you to the type of humor you have. So recognize the emotional bond between yourself and your humor.  

The third piece of advice is for those on the other end of the spectrum, those experiencing the humor of others and perhaps trying to give advice. Please recognize that others' sense of humor is just as valid as yours. Whether their sense of humor is simple, complex, dry, witty, dark, acidic, sweet, or anything in between, it is their sense of humor and not yours. Be careful in how you voice any attempts at criticism, as there are few ways to break your friends' trust and confidence as completely as when you tell them, “That's not funny.” You might as well be telling them that their heart sucks, and they are a sucky person.  

Instead, acknowledge the differences in people's humor, value it even if that humor makes you uncomfortable, and voice your criticisms accordingly. Try: “This joke wasn't successful with me, and might be perceived as racist/bullying/insensitive to some readers; so seek other feedback to see if it's just me.” You will voicing just as honest an opinion, without formulating a direct attack against the person who has trusted you with something so delicate to them.  

Weekly Recommended Watching: Doraleous and Associates by Hank and Jed. (A free animated fantasy Youtube series that manages to successfully mesh several humor types with an over-arching plot. Examine how even there are plot elements that are serious and even sad, the series maintains its humor through well-balanced distance and wit. And if this form of humor does not amuse you, that is perfectly valid and your own unique sense of humor is still a valuable thing.)

[linkspooky]

Maki and Megumi pt. 2

Maki and Megumi are distant cousins and two characters connected by their shared blood in the Zenin family, but usually they’re almost polar opposites. I discuss this in my previous post about the two. However, despite their differences or maybe because of them they work rather well together as complementary personalities. Here’s an analysis on Jujutsu Kaisen chapter 108 and why it was Megumi who showed up to fight with Maki. 

All of the fights in Jujutsu Kaisen aren’t just there fore the sake of showing off cool patterns, every fight and fight matchup has thematic meaning. That means there’s something the author has to say in comparing and contrasting whoever participates in a fight in Jujutsu Kaisen. 

We see Maki and Megumi fighting together again like they did in the Sister School Event, because they both have something to learn from this fight. The Shibuya Incident Arc is such an excellently planned out arc that there are several parallels already going into this fight.

1. NobaMaki Parallels

Ever since Gojou got boxed the theme of this arc so far has been that while individual strength is important, it’s not everything, and simply being stronger is never going to win you every fight. This is why we see characters who are strong individualists getting hit hard this arc. 

Maki’s entire current goal revolves around the idea of her own individual strength. The way she sees it, in order to fight for her place in the world, and prove her family wrong about her she has to get stronger than even the toughest Jujutsu Sorcery user in her family all on her own. 

This is something we see Maki has sacrificed several personal relationships for, including any kind of healthy relationship with her own twin sister who she was much closer to when she was younger. Now Maki’s bad relationship with Mai isn’t her individual fault, it’s the family situation that created the tension between them, and both Maki and Mai are bad at reaching out to each other or understanding one another. However, Maki even says as much to Mai that she has to prioritize herself. 

In Maki’s mind, rising up to the top alone is more important than anything else, even being together with her twin sister. Maki’s not wrong for thinking that way she’s just an individualist, she’s very strong and singleminded. However, an individualist mindset does not win the fight in every situation. Which is why her parallels with Nobara come into play this arc. Nobara, Maki and Gojou are all characters that strongly parallel one another they all seem to believe they can accomplish anything with their own individual strength. They are, highly motivated and confident individuals, and most of the time this attitude works for them but not always. 

Nobara is also someone who uniquely sympathizes with Maki’s situation. You can see her sympathy arises for two reasons, one Nobara’s always attuned to people who get judged by unfair standards (she hated the people in her small town for judging her only friend instead of getting to know her), and two because Maki fought back against that unfairness. 

Nobara tends to like people who fight back against their circumstances with everything they have. She tends to dislike people who succumb to their circumstances and lash out. She has almost no pity for them. (Just a reminder you don’t... have to sympathize with someone going out of their way to hurt your friend because they don’t know how to communicate their abandonment issues in a healthy way). This is the entire point of setting up the Maki / Mai parallel where Nobara sympathizes with one of them, and doesn’t sympathize with the other even though they’re both reacting to the exact same situation. 

It’s because the way Maki copes really really alligns with Nobara’s world view, which is that with self confidence and strength she should be able to overcome everything. Whereas, Mai who is part of the Kyoto school who tends instead cling to connections of other people around her. (To Mai, her connection with Maki was what was more important than being a Jujutsu sorcerer, hence why she feels abandoned. Mai’s so close to her Kyoto friends one of them literally tries to explain the situation to Nobara.) The Kyoto kids are in general known to be much closer and more trusting than the Tokyo Kids who all fight side by side, but tend to be distant. 

Two different ways to react to a situation. However neither one of them is wrong, and neither one will work for every situation. Which is why Nobara loses her first major fight in the Shibuya Arc so far, because her go to strategy was to use herself as a decoy and charge in alone. As a result she was taken by surprise. She was stronger than her opponent but strength was not enough. 

Now paralleling that situation we have had several comments in the last three chapters on how Maki is completely out of her depth. Yes, Maki is strong, however she’s still not quite there yet. 

Maki’s worldview is that strength is everything, so what can she do when she���s just not strong enough to contribute to the situation? Maki isn’t going to be as strong as two much older sorcerers when she is still pretty much just a kid. It’s impossible to become that strong that fast no matter how hard you push yourself. 

So, what Maki experiences is the frustration of reaching her limit. She’s strong, but not strong enough, and therefore she’s just getting in the way in this situation, and even had to be protected by a man she hates. 

Maki is getting picked on so relentlessly by characters here in order to put a crack in her world view. There are situations where her strength will not be enough. Even if she was the strongest person on earth (Gojou) she would still be caught in those situations. The solution isn’t to get stronger, the solution is to open yourself up to different possibilities and be flexible rather than try to solve every problem in one way. 

Maki even admits it. This was her mistake 1) refusing to listen to Nanami when he told her she probably should not be here, and 2) not going to meet up with Megumi because she wanted to prove herself. (Though in that dialogue she’s kind of also in denial about it, she says her real mistake is that she didn’t take it out fast enough but... the fact that Megumi saves her this chapter indicates that her mistake was indeed leaving Megumi). 

Maki’s mistake would have cost her her life, if Megumi had not shown up. Her narrative punishment is that one she’s put in a situation where despite being crazy strong, she’s just a burden to the others around her, and two isn’t able to overcome the situation with guts and her brash attitude alone and has to sit back and be saved. 

2. MegumiYuji Parallels

Megumi and Yuji are also strong narrative foils to the extent Nobara and Maki are. It’s no coincidence that literally right after we see Yuji lose a battle, Megumi comes in the clutch. What’s really interesting about this arc is that it’s a deconstruction of the piece of advice Gojou once gave Megumi. 

Gojou tells Megumi that he needs to stop downplaying himself for the sake of others, and instead learn to swing for the fences the way he and Yuji do. While this is good advice, once again it’s not entirely right. It’s also advice steeped in Gojou’s world view. 

Remember Gojou is someone traumatized by the fact that his only friend Getou went rogue and betrayed him. He once believed that as long as him and Getou were together as the strongest duo they could accomplish anything, only to be struck with his own powerlessness when Getou left and he could do nothing to save him, or make him stay. Gojou is someone who ever since then had a habit of taking everything on his own shoulders. Gojou’s advice is good to break Megumi out of his self sacrificial habits, but it also comes from a place of Gojou assuming that you’ll always die alone because nobody could ever fight alongside him after Getou left. 

Gojou’s decision to go alone into the subway system is the mistake that starts this whole arc up. When characters decide to cooperate together in this arc they’re rewarded, when they try to run ahead alone they’re punished. There’s a reason both Yuji and Megumi fought together before splitting off to fight on their own. 

This fight established that cooperating with another person is often harder than fighting alone, but also something ultimately worth it because strength would not have won Yuji this fight. The reason Yuji won is because Megumi’s strategy, and Megumi needed Yuji’s cooperation with him to overwhelm the enemy. 

Megumi, after unlocking Chimera Shadow Garden has developed into more of an individualist. He’s followed Gojou’s advice. The most important part of Gojou’s advice however isn’t that Megumi had to stop cooperating with other people and become more like Gojou, but rather the problem is Megumi’s way of cooperating with people is a tendency to sacrifice himself, and belittle himself for the sake of others. Megumi as a person is someone who is very repressed. 

There’s a reason Megumi was a delinquint in middle school, but is a very distant and quiet boy now. Megumi is someone who is always deeply angry, but instead of trying to deal with those feelings he represses them. He feels a deep hurt for being abandoned by his father, but insists to Gojou he doesn’t care. He feels deep protective feelings for his sister, but distances himself from her as much as possible. Megumi’s tendency to sacrifice arises from this, because he’s repressing himself. He thinks the only way he can help others is to sacrifice himself. However, true cooperation is what he did with Yuuji, it’s butting your heads together and both sticking up for what you believe in and finding a compromise between that. Getting along with people can often mean fighting with them too, and Megumi tends to be a very conflict avoidant person. 

In the current arc it’s Megumi whose grown in this particular aspect, and Yuji who hasn’t. The manga makes it clear that Yuji and Choso are pretty much neck and neck, the fight could have gone to either person. So, what is it exactly that loses Yuji the fight? 

This moment right here where Yuji decides that helping other people means sacrificing himself. He becomes more like Megumi, but is taking on a negative aspect of him rather than a positive one. This is also a flaw that’s been present within Yuji’s character from the start, he’s borderline suicidal sometimes in how willing he is to throw himself into danger and rather than focusing on survival he’s always trying to make peace with his death and find a good death. Yuji is someone who accepts his death far too easily, because he views himself as someone expendable. 

Yuji makes a decision midfight to keep fighting even if it means dying, instead of trying to live to the next day even though he promised Megumi this before the fight. 

That’s the flaw in Yuji’s logic. Him deciding to pull a heroic death in the middle of a subway tunnel isn’t helping anyone, whereas he could have made the decision to fall back and wait for help. Maki only got saved because Megumi was there to help him. In this situation mirroring Maki, Yuji was only saved because Getou’s surrogate family was there to help him. 

Yuji despite sacrificing himself for others is still really only thinking with an individualist mindset here. He’s making decisions without really thinking about how it will affect the people around him. Whereas, Megumi who has been the most cooperative character this arc, and also directly faced his tendency to take a dive so other people can succeed gets to show up in Maki’s fight. 

3. Future Predictions

There are several parallels between Maki and Megumi. Just to summarize, they’re both connnected to the Zenin clan. But while Maki’s entire life is dominated by the Zenin clan, Megumi doesn’t really care about his connection to the family. They both have sisters who are incredibly important to them. They also both chose to distance themselves from their sisters at one time, Megumi lost his sister to a curse and wants nothing more than to go back and apologize. Maki’s sister is still alive but she’s too prideful to apologize. They are both people who were taken in and helped by Gojou, Maki reflects Gojou’s ideology whereas Megumi is ideologically the exact opposite of Gojou and a much more cooperative person. 

They are set up as characters who have several similiarties, but almost always make opposite choices. Even from their family situations, Megumi was born outside of the clan but has a powerful Jujutsu Sorcery, Maki was born inside of the clan but was born with no Jujutsu Sorcery technique. 

The point of having such similiar but opposite characters together is so they can work together. They both have a lot to learn from each other, Maki has to learn how to more effectively fight in a team because there are going to be situations where her strength can’t solve everything. Megumi has to learn not to repress himself. Which is Maki’s greatest strength she never represses anything, because to her the absolute worst thing is the death of the self and having to let go of her pride. 

However, more than that Megumi and Maki being brought together now is likely because they are going to face an even bigger opponent than Dagan. Dagan is cute and all, but he’s not exactly someone who would bring about character development from them other than being a hard opponent to fight again.

However, one last similarity with Megumi and Maki is that they both heavily parallel Toji. Who just... happens to be running around right now. 

Maki and Megumi both share several flaws with Toji. He serves as a shadow archetype for both of them. 

The shadow exists as part of the unconscious mind and is composed of repressed ideas, weaknesses, desires, instincts, and shortcomings.

A shadow archetype is a character meant to highlight the repressed flaws of other characters. Toji is made up of Megumi and Maki’s flaws, but rather than being a work in progress as a person, Toji let those flaws utterly ruin him. 

For Maki - Toji parallels her in two aspects, one her desire to prove herself stronger than everyone else despite not having a Jujutsu Sorcery technique through her own strength alone, and two her choice to abandon her family members. 

Toji represents the extreme consequences of Maki’s choice. Maki is much more sympathetic than Toji, but she still displays unhealthy behavior that’s not going to be good for her in the wrong run. The thing about Maki is that she can have both, she can have both her connection with her sister, and also want to become strong enough to prove her family wrong about her. She just refused to compromise. Toji is someone who followed his own selfish desire to the end and regretted it. 

He thought the only important thing was being stronger than his opponents, and because he only lived for that strength, he abandoned everything else in his life, including his moral and his own son. Toji is a bad future if Maki continues to make that choice. 

For Megumi - Toji is Megumi’s father (obviously), and while he never raised Megumi they are similiar personality wise. They both repress themselves to an extreme amount. 

It’s not that Toji didn’t feel guilty for abandoning Megumi and killing people, it’s just no matter what he did he always repressed it and refused to face his actions. He was so good at denying his own feelings that he didn’t realize how much he regretted abandoning his son until he was literally at the brink of his own death and it was too late to change it. 

Megumi is also someone who tends to seriously regret things. He regrets the way he interacted with his sister, because now she’s gone he can’t apologize to her. Megumi and Toji are both bad at handling their own emotions, and especially their traumas. Megumi’s reaction to Toji’s decision to abandon him is to put a lid on all feelings related to his father and pretend he doesn’t care. 

That’s never healthy and it’s likely the lid is going to come off when he faces Toji again. Here’s my prediction for the arc, Toji is going to show up and it will be Maki and Megumi who fight together against them, because he’s a shadow archetype for the flaws that both of them need to overcome. 

[lany-d-flow]

Thoughts: Barret as a Father Figure

I wanted to give my perspective on this topic, as it's one of many stigma-heavy thoughts about the actions of FF7 characters. I'll try to provide examples based on anecdotal experience and the circumstances surrounding Barret and Marlene's lives.

So, is Barret overall a bad father?

So, short answer: No, I don't think so.

Long answer:

Okay, anyway, anyone who has seen or played Final Fantasy 7 is probably aware of two characters: Barret Wallace and Marlene Wallace.

We first see their dynamic early in both Final Fantasy 7 and Final Fantasy 7 Remake. We also see a bit of this written in further works of the Compilation of Final Fantasy 7 such as "On the Way To a Smile: Episode Barret and Episode Tifa".

On the surface, we see Barret's unconditional love for his daughter. So many quotes from the game reflect this:

"She's tougher than me"

"That's right, little angel, I am!"

"She's cute as a button, with the heart of an angel..."

...And many more quotes I could cite. As one more example, during the ending of Final Fantasy 7 Remake, we see a moment of Marlene taking care of reunion flowers while under Elmyra's care. After looking at them, Marlene and Barret call out to each other, foreshadowing a reunion in one of the next installments of Final Fantasy 7 Remake.

All right, so we see that these two love and think the world of each other. However, some view Barret as a poor father figure to Marlene for trusting her into someone else's care multiple times throughout the story, including but not limited to:

Having Tifa care for Marlene while AVALANCHE goes after mako reactors in Midgar; having Elmyra care for Marlene while Barret joins the crew to go after Sephiroth; and after defeating Sephiroth and Meteor, trusting Cloud and Tifa to act as parental figures to Marlene while Barret heads back to Corel to atone for his past and find a new purpose besides being a man with a weapon as his right arm.

All right, so based on these moments, one could argue that Barret is not being a good father due to how often he leaves Marlene in the care of someone else, and instead of truly settling down as her caretaker, pursues purpose(s) he thinks are more important.

However, I do not fully agree with this view, nor do I fully agree with other views that Barret's incapable of being a good father. Do I think he could be a better Father to Marlene? Perhaps, yes. Many of the roles that our heroes in Final Fantasy 7 have are not done perfectly. There are examples I could discuss now, but I'll save that for later. For now, I argue the reason Barret leaves Marlene in the hands of others is that...

Life’s answers for the greater good aren’t always as simple as they seem. To do what’s best for someone you look after--in this case, Barret’s daughter--there may come a time when someone else can fill in as a guardian if the person does not have enough emotional availability to care for an individual.

Allow me to demonstrate explain, first by starting with how long Barret has been her father figure in the first place: around 4 years. Barret adopted her to take his Dyne’s place as Marlene’s father figure. Dyne, his best friend, was lost when Shinra took their usual cover-up approach when a mako reactor incident occurred in Barret and Dyne’s hometown, Corel. Instead of owning up to their mistake, Shinra decided to destroy everything remaining in Corel, including its inhabitants. Barret tried to save Dyne, but his right arm that was holding Dyne was shot by a Shinra trooper, causing him to lose control of his forearm and leading to Dyne facing an unfortunate fall into the Corel prison. Among the inhabitants in Corel, Marlene was an infant when Barret took her in as an adopted daughter. Infact, here’s her character bio in a Final Fantasy Ultimania:

Barret’s four-year-old adopted daughter. She views Barret as her real father, having no memories of her birth father, Dyne (Barret’s old friend). Marlene is remarkably composed for a young child and even occasionally runs 7th heaven by herself. - Final Fantasy Ultimania Archive Volume 2 (Pg. 063).

So based on the context the story gives us, we can conclude Barret spent 4 years looking after Marlene while residing in Midgar. He was probably in the middle of taking on odd jobs during this time, of course, and could not see her 24/7. However, such action is necessary if he is to make a living for himself, and more importantly Marlene. Ultimately that part is up to interpretation. What’s not open to interpretation is when Tifa became a part of AVALANCHE, she was the one looking after Marlene during Barret’s missions with his crewmates (Wedge, Biggs, Jessie). While we know Barret was not always around to watch Marlene, we can conclude that he knew who to entrust his daughter’s safety towards, as someone like Tifa has many motherly qualities, and above many things, wants people to live, especially people she cherishes (And of course she eventually becomes Marlene’s mother figure along with Cloud acting as the father figure when Barret heads to Corel). Eventually, when the team decides to go after Aerith at Shinra HQ, Barret entrusts Marlene to someone else once again. This time. it’s Aerith’s step-mother Elmyra, who will continue to watch over Marlene until the end of our heroes’ journey. Perhaps we’ll get a moment of reunion near the end of Final Fantasy 7 Remake when the team returns to the people they are fighting for, but for the next month Marlene is without her father.

All right, we know the endgame of Final Fantasy 7. The team survives the Lifestream-Holy-Meteor clash and they are alive, but now they must find a purpose in their new lives. While Barret stays with Cloud, Tifa, and Marlene at edge for some number of months, helping to build a new Seventh Heaven bar and home for Cloud and Tifa, he eventually decides to embark to Corel and leave Marlene under the care of Cloud and Tifa.

Wow, what a way to not look after your child that you dote on so much, right? For being her adopted father, Barret sure does leave Marlene in the hands of someone else pretty often. For some people, this can lead to the conclusion that Barret is not a good father figure to Marlene and needs to learn how to settle down and act as a real parent for her. While it can be said that Barret’s not an amazing father, I believe what he’s doing does have a realistic approach. He has no job, he doesn’t feel fully available to watch his daughter, and in the midst of this there are two people who are more than willing--and happy--to look after the person he cares about so much. If Marlene can receive a better quality-of-life from someone close for the time being, isn’t it best to give her that better life for now?

Well, I want to get a bit anecdotal about this. I come from a family of 7 children so I got 6 siblings: 2 older half-sisters, 1 younger full-blooded sister, 1 younger half-brother, and 2 younger half-sisters (5 sisters, 1 brother). Well over a decade ago when there was 4 of us, my biological father and mother divorced, and the aftermath was extremely detrimental to everyone. My mother was in a heavy state of depression and lost a lot of money; there was very little food to come by; us children were pretty much doing as we pleased with little consequence at the time; and my birth father was hardly there to support anyone but my younger sister and me. 

So what action did my mother take for my older sisters? She sent them to another state for a year where our grandparents resided, as they were in a financially and mentally stable situation that could benefit my sisters for the time-being. 

I could be here all day talking about the outcomes in minute detail, but to make sure that doesn’t happen, I’ll give the general aftermath: Eventually my mother recovered, found someone who became a doting step-father for all of us, and has unconditionally supported all of us in what we do with our lives.

The point here is that life throws us in complicated situations, and parents sometimes hit said situations that involve their child(ren). Many parents will absolutely dote over their children. Barret absolutely dotes over Marlene and is extremely concerned for her safety. But like Barret, there arise decisions in one’s life that involve changing guardianship for children. Some people have to work overseas and cannot take their children with them, so for a little while they can entrust that duty to someone else they are close to. If I’m going to draw parallels from other games, then the Persona series is a good example. I’ll be more specific: Persona 4. The protagonist is sent to Inaba where his uncle, Ryotaro Dojima, resides with his daughter. This happens because the protagonist’s parents’ jobs require that they be sent overseas. But his parents do not have to worry about their son’s livelihood because he’s sent to be supervised under someone that they trust, and someone they’re related to.

Conclusion

Nobody is perfect, and life is complicated. Sometimes there are roles in our life that we want to accomplish, but when it involves someone you care about, especially your own child, you want to make sure they have the best life possible. Maybe Barret would love to spend his time with Marlene as much as possible, but before he can really do that, he needs to get his own life together first. When that happens, then he can return to the person he loves more than anyone else in Gaia. Let’s always remember: Children are brought into this world, and it’s a cruel world, just like the real world. We want them to be as prepared as possible for the challenges life throws at them, so while they’re still young, look for the greatest good they can get, like Barret does.